Aligned For You

Chapter 13

TW: Death mention, minor descriptions of violence

Felix peeked his head out of the room and upon seeing no one there, silently crept out, hoping Caius would think to do the same. They were on the second floor and they had to head to the fifth. Luckily, the stairs were well-kept and didn't squeak, so they shouldn't wake anyone up.

It wasn't surprising that the castle had a greenhouse, honestly. Horticulture was important! The basis for any civilization! And the greenhouse was used for experimentation, as well as staple fruits and vegetables that people liked to eat year-round. Much easier than going out to buy them in bulk at the market.

The moon bathed the large room in blue light, illuminating everything thanks to the refraction of the glass ceiling and walls. Leafy plants, however, cast large, irregular shadows that were all too easy to hide in. Felix knew that well. It really was a great place for hide-and-seek.

Without a sleeve to grasp, Felix circled his fingers around Caius' wrist, barely making it around, to guide him. He could feel the thump of the prince's pulse, somehow comforting in the still night.

Huh. What a cool room.

Caius had never been in anything like this before. Oh, sure, he knew about greenhouses from, like, a definition standpoint, but the opportunity to see one himself had never come up, and it had never occurred to him that they might be worth seeking out. Actually, hadn't his university had one? He could vaguely recall seeing a glass dome building in the distance that had made him mildly curious, but there had always been something better or more pressing to do than to go check it out. Shame. Maybe he would have liked it.

...Guess he'd never get the chance to go see it now, huh?

Ugh. That thought made him feel sick. He really tried not to think about home in that context. It was too depressing. Better to look forward! Look ahead! Look-AH!

Caius practically jumped in his skin as a hand grabbed at his wrist, Caius having to stifle the noise of his surprise by covering his mouth with his blanket/cape, which he had decided to bring along for this trip, but not a shirt. It was just Felix, trying to pull him along in the dark. Which was thoughtful, and also a relief. Ha. Could you imagine if it had been something else? Haha.

Like a spirit?? Hahaha!

Or, even funnier, some sort of vengeful ghost, that only came out at night, to prey on exhausted, small, half beaten to shit princes who dared leave their rooms at night??

Hahaha???

… "Felix," Caius whispered, suddenly looking around nervously. "Does your castle have any hauntings?"

Out of everything Caius could've said to him, Felix definitely hadn't been expecting that. He sent a look back at the taller man, huffing something that might've been a laugh, or maybe a scoff.

"The castle? No. But people say the theater in town is haunted." Was Caius scared of spirits? Supernatural stuff? Ironic, considering how religious the royal family of Luminary was. A half-smile cracked across his face, as Felix decided to tell the very real ghost story of his city.

"It burned down years before I was born. Some suspect foul play, others think it was a light that wasn't properly set up and caught fire. No way to know now," he started, slowly walking through the rows of plant beds. Wouldn't do to only investigate the chute and miss something important. "Thankfully, it caught fire when there weren't any performances going on. Unfortunately, that didn't mean there weren't any casualties."

"There were two stars of the theater, back then. Honoka Oshiro, a dancer, and Yui Seika, a singer. They spent a lot of time in the theater, making sure they could always put on the best performance they could. They used to say that any trip to the capital was a waste if you didn't see them perform." There was a slight pause as Felix peered under a particularly leafy plant, and he continued with a quiet afterthought. "As a result, there was another person that spent a lot of time in the theater, a friend of theirs from university. My mother."

"Anyway, they were in the theater that day, along with a bunch of technicians and custodians and, you know, everyone you don't really think about when you go into a theater. And, despite the number of people, no one noticed the fire until it was too late to easily put it out. Honoka and Yui jumped into action, organizing everyone to evacuate the building. My mom, Mia, helped too, though they insisted she leave before they did."

"...they never came out."

He was quiet for a few moments before turning to Caius with a devilish grin. "The theater was rebuilt, obviously, and people say they can hear tap shoes and singing sometimes if you show up early. Suuuuper haunted."

Caius gripped his cape-blanket tighter and tighter as he listened to the story, feeling more and more creeped out as the tale went on...right up until Felix’s mother was mentioned. And while, in a sense, the tale was still scary, that personal detail made it hard to focus on the tap-dancing detail at the end.

...for the most part because holy shit his new home had tap-dancing ghosts what the fuck this is not what he had signed up for.

...where was the queen, actually?

Was she dead? That was probably the sort of thing he had been briefed on before coming here, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember anyone saying anything about her at all. In a very real way, Caius had sort of come into this kingdom just under the impression there was no queen involved. Why had he thought that? Oh, right, someone had told him about their heir adoption traditions and Caius had assumed Felix had fallen under that. But he and King Aiichi were clearly related, so now that didn't make any sense.

Should he ask? Fuck, there were probably okay ways to ask someone if their mom was dead without coming across as an asshole, but Caius was so damn tired that every version of the question he shot through his head came out hopelessly insensitive. Fuck. Maybe he could ask later. After he's slept for a year. No...no, better make it a decade. Just to be safe.

"...they sounded brave," Caius said, eyes casually looking around the plants, seeing some things that looked like peas, another thing that was purple and large and was maybe a pumpkin, a pile of poorly curled but strong-looking rope. "I've never seen an out-of-control fire in real life. I can't imagine what it takes to face one down like that. Your mom must have had a spine of steel."

The theater was named after the two of them, a plaque on the entrance to commemorate their bravery. It was common for those taking up formal vocal training to braid part of their hair, and for dance students to wear a black ribbon. When he looked at the portrait in the library, they seemed like nice people. Even when Hyde described Honoka as a nosy mother-hen, and Yui an ever-grinning airhead, it was said with a warmth that Felix rarely ever heard from the secretary when he talked about other people.

They were brave, but...

Felix turned on Caius, practically throwing his arm back at him. "Are you fucking serious?!"

He still had the sense to be quiet, but the fury in his eyes overpowered any fatigue. "You don't even know them and yet you give them respect without a beat. You didn't know me, but you fucking decided that I was weak and useless and the FUCKING perfect joke to take away any hope I had! I know you're a dick, but, fuck, it's just my fault for thinking any different, huh?!?"

Like he always did, Felix spun around to get away from the monster, tears traitorously pooling in his eyes.

Caius stared down at him, taking a step backwards purely out of the pressure of Felix's total fury...before balling his fists and taking two steps forward.

He was going to grab him by his shoulder. Spin him around...but stopped himself, clutching the cape tightly in both hands instead, tugging at it until it was at the risk of tearing. This little son of a-

"HEY!" Caius shouted because he did not have the sense to be quiet. "If you're going to FIGHT me, then fucking LOOK at me! Don't fucking pull that scream and then run bullshit! If you're going to stand against me, just fucking do it! Turn around and tell me what the FUCK you're so pissed about all the time already! Because guess what! I have no FUCKING IDEA what you WANT FROM ME!"

"I'm mad because you said we were friends and I believed you!!!"

Felix did as asked, inadvertently, facing Caius again with wet, furious eyes that were...hurt. "I've never had any friends, and the one person that would even listen to me was sent to fight in that stupid war because apparently, I don't deserve even one person to confide in! I'm stuck in this fucking castle and I'm not allowed to do anything!"

He didn't bother wiping his eyes, tears falling freely as he snarled at Caius. Someone who had everything and still managed to only see the inside of his own fucking ass.

"Then, on one of the last days I'll probably be able to sneak out for the rest of my life, I find you. Not just some traveler that humored a stranger's questions, but you talked with me. You wanted to know what I thought. You bought a total stranger food and called us friends. You were going to teach me stuff about sword fighting! My life was ending, but I thought I had a friend. We could write to each other! It wouldn't be just for a few days!"

Felix was heaving breaths by this point, face red and little frame shaking with rage. But not once did he make a move to even approach Caius, let alone hit him. "I told you I didn't know anything about swords. I've never been able to hold one in my fucking life, I'm not even allowed to touch knives! I thought you were going to teach me, like you said! But you didn't say a fucking thing and just shoved me to the ground--what was I supposed to do?!"

"Nothing. Because I can't do anything, because I'm just useless and fragile and can't do anything for myself, like everyone says, right?! Because I'm some fucking trophy for your blood-crazed kingdom! Because my own fucking dad wishes I was never born!" Openly sobbing by this point, Felix fisted his hands in his hair, still hiding by angling his arms in front of his face. He was only hiccuping gasping breaths, rage and frustration taking him over. "I thought I'd found someone who thought different! Who would actually believe in me! MY FUCKING BAD!!"

Caius stared at him, the rage dying down with every word, every sentence. With the exception of his 'lies' when Kai had first met Phe and had gotten a, frankly, excellent story out of him, this was the most Felix had ever talked to him, in the...honestly, still pitifully few days the two fiancés had known each other.

And wow...was it a lot at once.

Caius couldn't even begin to figure out what he should respond to. What did he have the right to respond to? The thing about his father seemed like a landmine. Trying to explain away Caius's actions during their one and only spar attempt felt self-serving and probably not helpful. His biggest instinct was wanting to insist that Felix had been right the first time. That they were friends!

...but that wasn't really true either.

Caius hadn't wanted a friend when he met Phe. He had, first of all, wanted a distraction from his problems. That had to be acknowledged. But second to that, he had wanted to mentor what he had seen as a kid, because, hey! Maybe he wouldn't get to go on any more cool adventures, and maybe he was trapped in a foreign kingdom where, who knew if his opinion on anything was going to matter anymore, once he was attached to the new family for the convenience of his old one...but Phe would get to go! If Caius mentored him, gave him the tools he needed, he could live vicariously through Phe as the kid grew up to be strong, and heroic, and adventurous, and everything Caius wasn't allowed to be anymore.

A new Caius. That's what he had wanted.

And maybe he should tell Felix this. Maybe it would help Felix to know what his perspective of it all was. To really grasp the situation for the clusterfuck of dumb emotions and insecurities that it was...but Caius was afraid that would make this about him. And he didn't want this to be about him. Felix was the one hurting right now, sobbing in front of him, with apparently no one to talk to. Caius had MacKenzie. Caius had Alonne. Basically...Caius' shit could come later. This was about Felix right now.

...but FUCK. What could he SAY?

Caius decided the first thing he wanted to do...was sit down. God, he was tired. Sitting in the dirt, Caius played with the now near-ruined cape in his hands and tried to think of something to say.

"...I'm sorry I lied to you and said I was some random guy named Kai," Caius said, the apology feeling too small, too insincere without any sort of real, physical gesture behind it...but Felix had asked him not to do those things. And Caius had promised to try to be better. So he continued. "And I'm sorry how I tried to teach you how to spar. It...it wasn't...I never meant for it to be disrespectful," Caius said, an edge of desperation in his tone as he looked up at Felix, his knuckles red, and then white, from twisting the cloth. "That was how I learned. My people, we...we're taught through pain. All of our most important lessons are started on a painful note. That's not to excuse what I did! I just...I don't know how else to explain to you that I did it because I had thought you would be fine. It never once occurred to me you wouldn't be! And then..." Caius looked down at the dirt. Frustrated and ashamed. "...and then you weren't. And I didn't know how to handle that, so I said a bunch of shitty, hurtful stuff because... I don't know. I thought it would challenge you? Fuck..."

Caius put his head in his hands, pressing his palms into his forehead, just trying to fight himself now. "...we're so different," Caius said, his shoulders slumping as he finally said what he had been secretly thinking since he got here. "How are we ever going to possibly make this work?"

Felix followed Caius down, though not because he'd calmed down any, or...really wanted to talk things out. It didn't feel good to scream at him; it just hurt, all those things he tried to ignore brought to the forefront of his mind again. Nights tended to do that for him, midnight feud or not. 's why he tried not to sleep.

Instead, Felix more or less collapsed to the ground, hands moved to press against his chest as breathing only became increasingly difficult. Not. Now. Not ever, if he had a say in it, but he didn't, so he demanded that, at least, he not crumble now.

However, his efforts forced him to listen to Caius anyway. And...well... It didn't change how he'd acted afterward, but if he hadn't meant thoroughly schooling him in the first moment of Felix picking up a sword to be mocking...to show how outclassed he was and discourage him from trying...

...maybe he deserved the effort to try and understand.

"I...I'm not mad about you lying to me..." he coughed out, something bubbly and gross sounding out in his throat. "I lie all the time, why would I be mad about that?"

"...your people are so quick to get physical. The only time I've ever seen people fighting like that, it's only with the intent to harm. Pain for one is pain for all, after all..." Another of Aiichi's maxims that spread across the country, advocating empathy. As much as Felix resented his father, those sayings meant a lot to the people of Dicea. "You did challenge me, but I'm used to fighting with words. It's the only thing I have, even if no one listens. To me...it means more to walk away than to mindlessly escalate a situation until someone needs a medic. Or a morgue. ...you sort it all out with fists, though, don't you?"

Felix coughed again, swaying a bit as he fought against the dizziness in his head. "We...we're speaking different languages, aren't we." It was quiet, despairing, but...the counter for that was to make connections. "...I'm scared you're going to take away any say I have in the kingdom. Already, no one listens to me. Luminary tried to annex us, and if they have someone that will spread their ideals here...it's just the same thing. From the outside, everything about your home seems so scary and awful, I don't want that to happen to my people."

Caius kept his face in his fists as he listened to this, but then Felix took a breath, and the breath was long enough to clue Caius in that it was his turn to say something again. Uncurling himself from his position, Caius sighed, stretching his aching shoulders backwards, letting his legs uncurl a bit as he looked up at the sky, his fingers digging into the dirt as he steadied himself into the lean.

"...oh hey. Look at that," Caius said, softly, basically to himself. "The stars really did follow me here."

The sky was full of them, the brightness of the moon doing little to dilute them. What a comfort it was, to finally see something that was steady. That was the same. After his long journey, there were the stars. Just like she had promised.

… "I don't...I don't know what to say to that," Caius admitted, looking away from the steady constant of the stars, down to the prince's tear-stained, exhausted, unsteady face. Caius's heart fell, and not entirely due to sympathy. "You make us sound...evil. Like we're some terrible villains in a story. Like any idea I bring from home here is going to be some twisted, awful thing that will just make everything worse for everyone. I...I don't really know how to respond to that. I don't feel evil." Caius considered this, before chuckling. "Well...I guess that's always been a mark of a good villain in a story. They never think they're the bad guys..."

Caius pulled himself up from his lean, crossing his arms on his chest as he said, as seriously and earnestly as he could. "But Felix, I can swear to you, on...whatever you want. My honor? My god? MacKenzie and Alonne? I swear, I was sent here to establish unity. I'm not here to take over. This is your kingdom. You're going to be The King. I'm just going to be your consort. The power balance is literally in the names. And, maybe your dad doesn't listen to you. I don't know what's going on with all that," Caius admitted, before continuing on fiercely, "But I would be an IDIOT to not listen to you!"

Caius looked down at his hands, rough and calloused with scars, labor and battles, and confessed, "I won't lie to you and say you're strong or anything, ‘cause I'm not sure if you are. You're right, I come from a place where we mostly talk with our fists, and so, with that context, no. You're probably not strong. But every fucking time I talk to you, I'm always just so...dwarfed! And overwhelmed by how smart and put together you are! Like an actual, honest-to-god leader! Like my brother!" Caius said, the words coming out faster as he rambled. "Like, it's really intimidating! I'm this big, dumb oaf that my family used as training fodder for the guy who was actually going to lead our kingdom someday. My only good trait growing up was my ability to at least put up a fight, right? But you just...you carry yourself with this presence! And every time you talk at the ceremonies, and the lunches, and the meetings, while I'm barely keeping up with what’s going on, you stare at everyone like you can just...see their secrets or something, and every time you talk, all of my advisers get more and more nervous because it’s getting more and more obvious how much FUCKING SMARTER you are than me! They all think that the second they leave, you're just...gonna run circles around me! And they're probably right!"

Caius rubbed at his temples. "I don't think I'm telling you anything you don't already know when I say I'd be literally lost without MacKenzie and Alonne watching out for me, and, let's be honest, they're both kind of idiots in their own way too. But you just do it all yourself! And...fuck, Felix. Every time you talk about yourself, there's a part of me that genuinely thinks you're fucking with me because there's no way you don't know how fucking scary you are, right? You can't possibly be ignorant of how terrified I am around you all the time. You have to know, right?" Caius asked, increasingly desperate as he searched Felix's face for the signs of the lie, the false meekness, the mockery, that Caius had felt in almost everything Felix had said to him since he got here. And just like usual...had no idea what he was looking at.

Caius took a breath, trying to pull back his trembling nerves. "I'm sorry. Maybe that's not helpful. It's just...wow. It's amazing how fucking differently we both see this situation."

Despite how uncomfortable some of their ideals were, Felix didn't think that Luminary was evil. Nothing was black and white like that. Surely there were good things about the country, but he just hadn't found them yet. The people hadn't revolted, so...there had to be something, right? And, when they'd first met, Caius--Kai--had been so nice to him. Trusting and excited and fun.

...fuck, he wanted to have some fun again.

Felix looked up through the transparent roof, the stars hard to see through his blurry vision, but they were there. They were always there. Millions and billions of miles away in their own, separate existences, not caring about some little planet they weren't even warming. And yet people made stories about them, grouping them together and ascribing a meaning just...because. Because people were like that, making their own meanings.

When he looked back down, there Caius was, laying out his own meaning without any stupid politics. And...he was shocked at what he found. Not some power-hungry monster looking forward to whatever he could trample next. He saw the person that, even if they didn't understand, was willing to learn. To be there to support. To...listen to him.

To...be scared and intimidated by him? As novel as that was...that wasn't what he wanted.

"...I think we're both idiots, honestly." Felix finally wiped his eyes, even if a few little beads of tears sprang up right after, and his cheeks were still streaked. "That...that was helpful, and...thanks. I don't think anyone's ever said that kinda stuff to me. Earnest honesty is its own kind of intelligence, you know? It's clear when you believe the things you say, and when they align? They'd have to be a stubborn jerk to argue."

He laughed weakly, the bubbling cough coming back though he swallowed the worst of it down.

"...you can see the sky better from the observatory. I was going to check on it after searching here so... We have a really nice telescope. You can stargaze while I look over things if you want."

"You guys have an observatory!?" Caius said, real, honest excitement lighting up his face, his whole body twisting as he moved from a sitting to kneeling position, his hands steadying himself on the dirt in front of him, eyes wide with joy as he seemed to forget about all the pain various parts of his body were in as he grinned. "Really?! Oh man, I mean, I brought a telescope with me, but it's this small little thing, good for traveling, but it's really tough to get depth out of it, you know? I was hoping that maybe your local university might have one I could visit, but you have one in the castle!? That's amazing!"

Caius blinked, and he suddenly realized there were tears in his eyes. Why were those there? This had been the best news, hell, the best he had felt since he had gotten there. Why start crying now? As Caius wiped the tears from his cheeks, chuckling good-naturedly, he said through his stupid, happy tears, "Hey...thanks for...thanks for having a real fight with me. Not, you know, double-speaking and doing all those mind games that go over my head, like, ya know...everyone likes to do. I really..." He laughed because he was embarrassed over his stupid tears, using his entirely ruined cape to wash them aside as he said in his stupid, happy, joy, "I really feel like I get you a little better? And that's really...really comforting! I really think we can do this!"

In his excitement, he was less nervous to look directly at Felix, and what he saw made him pause, his tears drying up as his happiness ebbed a little. The little prince, frankly, looked like he had just been through a battle. His eyes were puffy and red from tears, his breathing was coming in obstructed, and there was a slight tremble in his body that at the very least suggested true exhaustion.

Caius, in turn, had felt newly re-energized by the argument, and then the good news. He felt like he could run laps and stay awake forever. He knew that in about thirty minutes all that adrenaline was going to dilute itself out of him and he was going to crash hard, but for now…

Getting up, Caius walked over to Felix, offering him a hand up with a worried expression. "Hey, I definitely want to go. And if you say you're good, you're good. But maybe we should get som-HRK!"

Felix found a little smile on his face as Caius sprung to life. He'd surely mentioned the observatory a few times, but maybe the meaning hadn't really sunk in until now. Figures that someone who called themself 'Prince of the Stars' would be enamored with them. Maybe there was something to history repeating itself in the weirdest ways...

"Thanking s-someone for a fight is weird, you weirdo. But, you're welcome?" He did have to say it...it was nice knowing more about where the other prince was coming from. To hear the things normally only thought, but came out in a furious tirade. Felix had felt sorry for the concept of Prince Caius before, knowing that he was leaving all he knew on a decision someone else made. It never occurred to him, though, that Caius might've felt unwanted because of it. That he was second-best and not suited for the game of politics. But...even if he needed a little help, Felix thought he was still playing it well. "I...think you're right."

Coughing a few more times, Felix had to gasp for his next breath, but it still came. He'd be alright, just needed a moment. It wasn't time to quit now; while this interlude had been necessary, honestly, and probably a long time coming, they still had plenty of work to do. No time to waste when their little saboteur was still convinced that the war was a good thing.

Felix looked up at Caius, looking almost...ethereal in the moonlight, and reached up to take his hand when--

The blade entered Caius’ back. Then another, on the other side, dangerously close to his heart, in rapid succession. A soft voice panted and sniffled behind him. "F-for the King!"