Kokichi grinned, enjoying this moment with his friend, still managing to get some training in, but for the most part just...being. Spending time in the sun, being there for each other, talking happily about the future… But he straightened, ready for the next test. 

His eyes widened for a moment as he blew out a stream of air, not knowing the answer off the top of his head, but… Kokichi closed the booklet, then opened it to the index again, finding that the sections had rearranged into years, flipping to his last birthday…

The booklet found the page a bit faster this time, likely from having gone through the song and dance before, but also probably because it was something closer to the surface of Kokichi’s “waking” memories. Easier to categorize too, since birthdays were always meant for your favorite foods…

...Kokichi felt his mouth watering as he looked at the “recipe” page, a small sketch of a thick, almost gravy-like curry with chunks of peppers and potatoes and carrots and tofu resting against a mound of spiced rice, a lace-like delicate bread tucked into the side while little bundles of a certain leafy green Kokichi hadn’t even noticed his husband becoming a fan of too finished out his plate, a tall glass of a creamy, fruity drink pictured right next to it. ...god, he could almost smell it, his nose preparing to run from the hot peppers already…

“...probably not, but I think there is a chance I’m the only one in the castle that likes this type of curry, for how rarely we have it. But even if it’s probably not the most comfortable thing to eat in the middle of the summer...I could eat a whole pot of it, if I tried.”

There were impressions of an image, though not as clearcut as the one Alter Ego had manifested before. “...I’d calmed down a lot, but I was still avoiding people most of the time… I went down for breakfast, and Catherine had made cinnamon rolls, and I’d gotten a letter from my dad...when I got back to my room, there were gifts on my bed. A few new books, a papercraft kit, some various bags of candy...a few cute hair clips. I really did plan on just...spending the whole day working in my room. I was even going to take dinner up there, but Denji dragged me out, almost literally,” Kokichi laughed, distant sounds of the castle stylist just absolutely cussing him out floating in indistinctly to the backlot. 

“And...I really only had eyes for the food, admittedly. I love this stuff. But...pretty much everyone in the damn castle stopped to wish me a happy birthday.” Kokichi’s smile faded a little, remembering how it’d felt back then. “...and to wish me luck on the wedding. Didn’t even have seconds, just took a piece of cake back to my room.”

“Sounds like you weren’t thrilled with the wedding,” Alter Ego noted, giving Kokichi a curious look. “I’ll admit, I’m surprised at that. The treaty and the wedding were such monumental achievements for Dicea. There wasn’t even really a way to spin it back in Luminary as anything less than an entirely crushing defeat. My...” Alter Ego hesitated, as they usually did when they said something that was true for some of their shards, but not all of them, dealing with the mental hiccup of getting all sides of themselves on the same page, “our… my… hmmm…”

Another small hiccup, and then Alter Ego said, “… some authorities tried to spin it as us taking mercy on you after local population pressure got too vocal about concerns of the war. So that we’d blame the loss on weak-willed civilians not pulling their weight and abandoning military support… but everyone knew we’d stopped making progress on pushing the invasion line east for the last decade and that the war’s been entirely deadlocked for years. And that was just idle knowledge anyone had access to. The more you knew about what was going on in the frontlines, the more humiliating being involved in the war became. It was a pretty crushing defeat… I would have assumed you’d all be actively celebrating every step of it.”

“Though… equaling you, Kokichi, with the Dicean Royal Family that won the war… I think there’s a part of me that still thinks of the two entities as two separate people.” Alter Ego realized, almost a half beat after the words had left his mouth, “So, while I can imagine The Dicean Prince reveling in his victory… you, Kokichi? Hmmm… I imagine it was… I don’t know.” The cat looked at Kokichi curiously, “What was it like?”

Kokichi looked over at Alter Ego curiously, realizing that...he’d never actually talked to anyone but Kaito, Shuuichi, and Maki about what the peace treaty meant. And Tim’s misinterpretation too, but...well...it wasn’t all childish misunderstanding. He’d gotten the idea somewhere. 

...they thought it was defeat, huh?

“...it wasn’t victory,” Kokichi softly said, closing the food memory book and leaving it to the side of him as he laid back against the tree. “People were thrilled for the war to be over, don’t get me wrong, and...with everything that happened that first week between Kai-chan and me, I kept that in mind the whole time. That we needed to make sure the war ended…”

“...but no one wins a war. There’s just...who’s left. Everyone who died...it’s already over for them. The terms of the treaty, whether trade favors one thing more than another, or what process travelers have to go through between Dicea and Luminary...it doesn’t matter to them. They’re already...gone…” 

The sunny day didn’t become dark and stormy, the wind didn’t even pick up, but it was just...darker. The sky overcast, thick enough that the sun didn’t shine through any more, and while at times Kokichi enjoyed this sort of weather, at the moment, it just felt...gloomy. 

“The moment anyone died, we’d already lost. Everything from there was just...damage control. Trying to make sure no one else died...and a lot of people died trying to protect what they loved. Died to make sure the people they loved would have a better chance to live on.” Kokichi let out a small breath, not even crying, for he’d already shed so many tears on the subject, but still feeling the grief for every single name he’d read in those awful letters. “...I suppose we were just celebrating the fact that, finally, no one else had to die.”

Alter Ego looked up at the sort of gloomy weather, a little curious at the reaction. It was a very… well, you could certainly call it sincere, anyway. “If that’s how you see it.” Alter Ego said accommodatingly, “It’s an interesting way to look at the world. And I suppose there’s truth to it. We invaded you, after all. I suppose Dicea really had no other goal than self-preservation. I suppose that would make the war feel very different.”

Kokichi nodded slightly, bringing his knees up to his chest and resting his chin in the little divot between them. “After a time, I get the anger on Luminary’s side being justified… Too many Luminous people died too. And us disrupting eastern trade routes, and not trading ourselves...considering what I know of resource management now, and the fact that apparently Luminary isn’t getting fair trades from Danganronpa...it’d all just inspire people to fight harder. But initially...Dicea has never been focused on...expansion or invasion. I know Leon fuckin’ hated Dicea, but...I suppose I’m too close to ever see why.”

Alter Ego looked confused, “...Danganronpa? We’re not?”

The cat considered this new bit of information, but… well, there was nothing useful they could do with it other than go ‘huh’. It wouldn’t do anything for any of the people they left behind, and Hiro likely couldn’t use it for anything than maybe sounding more knowledgeable about foreign relations than he actually was to anyone who would care enough to listen. 

So, after a moment, Alter Ego said, “Actually, nevermind. It doesn’t really matter. And, yeah… after fifteen years, do you even need a reason to be at war anymore? After awhile, you’re at war just because you’ve always been at war. At least, that’s how it seemed… but honestly? It all seems very far from me. I know I’m technically a Luminary in every way that counts, but… that’s very much my shards’ world. Not mine. It’s hard to not view it as something outside of myself. Like a story I’ve read, rather than something that truly happened.”

“I’m more interested in how it affected you, personally.”

...he supposed that wouldn’t be common knowledge, huh. In Dicea, their trade agreements were free to access, but it wasn’t exactly something they sent a notice out about every time something changed--except for when something was going to change the general market price, which they did notify the people in affected industries--mostly because it was...pretty boring. He knew that likely wasn’t the driving factor in Luminary, but...well, still. Alter Ego knowing wouldn’t put them in danger any. 

Kokichi frowned softly, but he knew there was truth to the statement--after fighting long enough, personal pride and drive came from the fact that people you loved and cared about had invested themselves into the war, so...to suddenly turn face was enormously difficult. Even if there was no other reason to fight...it felt like betrayal, saying that all those sacrifices had been for nothing. It was all for a better future, but...sometimes it was hard to see past the past. 

...it still didn’t make him feel very good to think about. 

Nodding a bit, Kokichi reached out to pet at Alter Ego more, though his knees remained up at his chest. “...the war had been going on for the majority of my life. As the heir, I’m responsible for every Dicean, and every year, watching the pile of letters with lists of names grow...it was miserable. I hated Aiichi for it, thought he was...abandoning our people, sending them off to their deaths for a pissing match--before I even realized what the war really was. I was never involved with any of the decisions, the war meetings...I was a kid for most of it, so I think he just wanted to keep me from all he could.”

“Then...one day I’m called into a meeting and told that the Luminary leaders had accepted our peace treaty proposal--thought it was about time, honestly,” Kokichi huffed, feeling almost a little embarrassed by how narrow and tiny his worldview had been even a year back. “But...then, Aiichi told me that as a part of the negotiations, the second prince of Luminary was going to marry me.”

Kokichi sighed, rubbing behind one of Alter Ego’s ears. “...I’d always known I’d be marrying for the benefit of Dicea, and not for love--it’s a stipulation of being an heir or leader here--so...I wasn’t mad about that. But...it was another decision my father had just made for me, of course knowing best, and...well, Luminaries don’t have the best reputation here. We’re working on it, but...it was even worse before the treaty was announced. And all I could see was…”

He tucked his face into his knees, knowing the truth now, and thankful for how things actually turned out, but remembering how he’d felt at the time. 

“...it just looked like Aiichi was finally getting rid of me. Marrying me to some violent brute who’d overpower everything I said, just...pushing me more and more into the background until...what right would I have to call myself an Ouma at all? And I just...fell apart after that. Convinced that my life was coming to an end, all up until I actually started to make things square with Kai-chan...until I actually looked at the world for what it was.”

Alter Ego tilted their head a little… before standing up and trotting over, nudging their head in between Kokichi’s tucked arms and knees, forcing their way into his lap with all the grace of an incredibly determined cat getting their warm lap seat. 

Once they had forced their way onto Kokichi’s lap, they kneaded his stomach a bit, purring lightly, before settling in.

They didn’t say anything. They just snuggled in and purred loudly. A comforting gesture.

Kokichi snorted, fond and finding comfort in the aggressive friendship. After a moment of butting, he relaxed his legs out a little, still making a little cup around Alter Ego, but leaving more than enough space for the cat to settle. And, with the purrs and snuggles...Kokichi scratched their cheek with a warm smile. “I’m not gonna lie about how upset I was...but I’m so, so grateful it happened. I’ve met true friends and the loves of my life, I have a daughter on the way...and I learned some much needed lessons about myself and the world. Being a depressed brat for a year is something I’ll take for what my life is now. No need to lament it.”

“I’m glad for that. And, I agree, honestly. There’s no way to change the past, and I think we’re lucky to end up in better circumstances than it could have been. You’re having a child with someone you care about. I… exist.” Alter Ego laughed lightly, “It could have been worse, as bad as it was. There are things to be grateful for.”

Kokichi gave Alter Ego a soft look, smoothing the fur around their ears. In some ways...Alter Ego and Miya would be similar. Both beings born out of...truly horrendous circumstances. But that new life was incredible and was loved by those around them. True cases that even in the darkest depth, there was always light to follow.

Kokichi pushed his nose into Alter Ego’s furry little forehead, gently hugging the cat. “It certainly could’ve been worse. And as long as you’re happy where you end up...that’s what matters. And your and my daughter’s existence...I’m not sure what could make me happier.”

-

Kokichi woke up feeling...odd. Determined. Yet...open. And trepidatious. It wasn’t even starting to get light, and while that was sort of a trademark of winter, it wasn’t their signal that it was time to get up and head for training, and yet there he was, just...staring at the ceiling, cuddling both his guys, his brow slightly furrowed and mouth turned to a frown. 

...it...was something they needed to talk about but...maybe not in the handful of minutes before training, and it really wasn’t something he wanted to talk about in front of a bunch of nine-year-olds…

...but...then they didn’t have much time before breakfast, and then Kaito would walk Tim and Shuuichi to their respective classes, and Shuuichi wouldn’t be back until the afternoon...shit...did Kaito have therapy today? There was always the chance it ended before the afternoon drug on too long…

Okay. That afternoon when they were all done with stuff...he’d bring it up then. 

Sighing softly, Kokichi tried to get himself to relax, assuring himself that they had plenty of time and not everything had to be dealt with as soon as he got the thought to. ...try to get a little more sleep, will you? It’s going to be a busy day.

This wasn’t one of the times Kaito got up every night, but when something (?? Stiff Kokichi body???) jostled him awake, Kaito didn’t know the difference, as far as his routine these days went. 

So, when he opened his eyes? He only blinked blearily for a moment before, with a soft, barely audible grunt of effort, he pulled himself from his guys, sitting up in bed and absentmindedly drawing the blanket back up around Kokichi’s shoulders. He stared into the darkness of the room for a moment, half asleep, again, moving entirely on routine now as after a few sleepy blinks, he got up.

(Something’s wrong.)

(He heard Shuuichi noises. The usual kind he heard when the bed shifted, Shuuichi adjusting slightly and sighing a bit. Sleep disturbed, but not disrupted.)

(‘Kichi noises?)

But he didn’t actually think that. It was more just… background thoughts, as Kaito, in a shirt and pajama pants and nothing else, quietly headed out into the hallway.

Look around. Anyone? No.

He headed to Tim’s room. He checked the knob. Locked? Good. He headed to Shuuichi’s old room. Unlocked. Opening the door, he looked around. Still empty. Okay. Taking the key she gave him, he checked Maki’s room. Empty. Cursory glance to the window boards. Still untouched. Okay. Close the door, lock it behind him. 

Back to the room. Lock the door behind him. Actually locked? Yep. Bathroom? Empty. Closet? Swords still there. Window? Still closed, undisturbed.

Okay… Kaito blinked sleepily, before mutely heading back to bed. Sleep… sleepy… everything’s fine. Go back to sleep.

Kokichi opened his eyes back up when Kaito got out of bed, about to call out to him when Kaito just...left. That was...weird. Kaito hadn’t left for midnight cooking lessons in ages...and--Kokichi confirmed after squinting at the clock for a moment--the early morning crew were already going to have come in, getting started on the early, early prep for the day. It wasn’t to use the bathroom, and it wasn’t for water…

Maybe he’d just gotten...hungry? Or...maybe a bad dream...

Kokichi didn’t get much more time to ruminate over his husband’s strange behavior as Kaito returned, barely looking awake, but...looking over the room? Peeking in the bathroom and the closet and...even checking the window…

“...Kai-chan?” he softly whispered, trying not to disturb Kaito much more, and trying not to wake Shuuichi up at all. “Is everything okay?”

Maybe this metaphor is in bad taste, considering they actually had a heart attack prone member of their family… but Kaito damn near had a heart attack as he gave a sharp little gasp, every hair on his body standing up as, halfway done with crawling back into bed, he heard Kokichi whisper out. 

Hissing quietly through his teeth, Kaito whispered back, “‘Kichi?! Fuck… geez, man, what the fuck…” Kaito groaned, running a hand over his face as he tried to get his jostled nerves to calm down, giving Kokichi a small, slightly wary, slightly apologetic look as he said quietly, “Shit, babe, did I wake you?”

Looking at Kaito in slight confusion--he’d just been, like...going down a checklist to secure the room, did Kaito really not notice he was awake?--Kokichi just held his hands up in a gentle, placating motion, though the effect was a little odd when he was lying down. “No...I was already awake when you got up. Did...I wake you up?”

“Uh… no, or…” Kaito glanced at the clock for the first time, and, like… wait… hadn’t he already done this? It wasn’t like he purposefully had a schedule or anything, but usually he woke up with that tight, nervous feeling at like… one or two. That was almost three hours ago now. Why was he awake?

“...eh, probably not,” Kaito decided, yawning a bit, deciding it probably wasn’t important either way. Getting more fully back into bed, he laid down on his side, pulling the blanket up and resting his head on his arm as he sighed slightly, reaching over to put his thumb across Kokichi’s cheek a bit as he murmured, eyes closed, “You were already awake? It’s early, babe…” Forcing his eyes open, he gave Kokichi a concerned look as he said, “Nightmare?”

...maybe he’d talk to Shuuichi later, see if he’d noticed Kaito being restless at night…

Letting go of a little breath, Kokichi relaxed and snuggled against Kaito, gently cupping the hand that came to his face. “Nah...or if I did, then it was already completely gone by the time I woke up. Just sorta...was awake.”

...not yet. Not until that afternoon. Talking while you were all tired or actually asleep was just a bad idea for something that required thought and understanding. 

“...should still have...an hour or so. Let’s go back to sleep?”

“Ha… don’t gotta twist my arm babe. Sleep sounds good…” Kaito sighed, closing his eyes… before opening them up and, just real quick, sitting up slightly to double check on Shuuichi. 

Still sleeping soundly. Okay.

Laying back down, relaxed, Kaito put his arm around Kokichi and murmured, “Little more sleep...”

-

It was a ‘free’ day that morning, which essentially meant that so long as whatever you did was active? You could do your own thing for the morning routine. 

It wasn’t supposed to be a free day. They were supposed to work on their cores today. But Kaito had woken up in a sort of dazed funk-- probably from that extra bit of waking up...no doubt-- and by the time he had gotten his clothes on for the workout, he had already decided to just make it a free day. 

Shuuichi and Kokichi had gone to the ice lake, Shuuichi walking around the lake while Kokichi skated a bit, and the kids had apparently decided at some point that the next free day they had they were going to set up an ‘obstacle’ course. Kaito, mildly concerned, had decided to stay with the kids instead of going with his partners. Make sure they were safe. And, since he was there, the kids had made him the official keeper of the timer.

Piling up the snow to make different obstacles to jump over, using various branches to create leap goals and incorporating a log that was out there for some reason as a balancing beam, Kimiko lamented the lack of monkey bars or swings to use, and Kaito wondered idly as he started the timer for the kids if the lack of playground around the castle was to discourage a young Kokichi from wanting to, well… play on a playground. Or maybe there was a playground indoors somewhere. They had had an indoor playground at the castle at home… well, no, it had been a playroom, but they had put a swing in there and a slide and little rock holding things on the wall to climb… his nannies had loved to put Kaito in there when he had a little too much extra energy. Kaito had loved that room… what had ended up happening to it? He couldn’t remember. He just knew at some point he had stopped hanging out (heh) in there… guess he had just gotten too old for it…

“...ime?”

Kaito blinked, looking down in confusion. Timothy, huffing, looking frustrated as he asked his dad again, “Well? What was my time?”

“Oh…”

Kaito had no idea. He looked down, the timer still going.

Clicking it off, Kaito did some guestimations, and said brightly to Tim, “Three minutes and two seconds! Nice start!”

Timothy looked confused. Really? That long? He would have guessed two and a half minutes… oh well. He’d try harder next time.

-

The whole day was like that. Kaito would be doing something, his mind would drift, and when he blinked, way more time than he would have expected for that train of thought had passed than it should have. He went through the day feeling sort of vaguely lost in a fog, and kept finding it difficult to focus entirely on what he was doing.

After an extremely unhelpful therapy session where Kaito had spent most of the discussion slightly vacant and responding to half heard questions with catch-all responses, he had been just sort of relieved to finally head back to the room for what would likely be the day, heading inside, waiting for Shuuichi an Kokichi to both get home. He was tired… maybe he’d go to bed early that night…

For as much as he’d assured Shuuichi that it was all fine...Kokichi kept touching his neck. Messing with hair that was itching him, or adjusting his scarf, or rubbing at his shoulders, or just...absentmindedly touching it. Cedar hadn’t done anything, and she’d backed off when he said he didn’t want to do it…

...but even her plan and explanation was...scary… But Kokichi’s determination to have that conversation wasn’t diverted by his uncomfortable session. 

Giving a courtesy knock on the door, Kokichi unlocked it and held it for Shuuichi, having caught a glance of Kaito and that was enough for him. “Oh, Kai-chan--do you have a sec? There’s something I wanna talk to you and Shuu-chan about.”

Kokichi kept telling him it was fine, but… Shuuichi was kinda pissed.

She had wanted to shift his fucking neck bones!?

Shuuichi had felt his whole body stiffen in instinctual horror when Kokichi had explained why he had looked so shaken after his medical appointment, Shuuichi this time picking him up from Dr. Cedar’s office, since he had gotten out of class early. It just… look, he didn’t know much about medicine, beyond first aid and what he had managed to learn through self-study during his pollen trip, but it didn’t… sound right…

He’d talk to Seiko about it. Seiko kept insisting over and over again that Dr. Cedar’s field of medicine wasn’t her expertise, but Shuuichi was a little sick of that workaround by now. Seiko was essentially vouching for this woman every time they came to her with a concern or a question, as meek as her vouching was. Next time, he was going to insist on a more frank discussion than ‘Well, I don’t know how they do it overseas’...

But Shuuichi kept his face calm as he walked into the room, giving Kokichi a small, thankful nod for holding the door open for him. If he was openly worried about it, Kaito would get nervous and feel obligated to worry even harder, without really being able to do much more than what Shuuichi was planning to do. Or, just needlessly turn his ire onto Cedar herself, which… again, Shuuichi wasn’t sure if that was the right call or not, yet. Sure, the neck thing sounded low key awful, but…

Shuuichi wasn’t going to claim he knew everything. He just felt uncomfortable and wanted to talk to Seiko.

Besides, maybe that was what Kokichi wanted to discuss anyway. Giving his boyfriend a curious look, Shuuichi went to go sit down on the bed, letting out a small huff of relief to get off his feet as he said, “We’re discussing something?”

Kaito had been trying to read by the window when his guys got home, and Kaito was a little surprised to hear them walk in. He hadn’t made much progress on the chapter, and had thought he’d have another hour before expecting either of them… oh, no. Right. It was an hour later. Hm.

Closing the book, Kaito grinned, “Yeah, ‘course babe. Is it a ‘I should pull the window seat up’ kind of discussion, or it is alright to stay over here?”

Kokichi offered Shuuichi a half-apologetic look as he hopped up on their bed too, getting himself comfy and settled. “Sorry...I just didn’t wanna pull the whole, ‘we need to talk’ thing and leave you in that horrible anticipation until we got home. But...if you have the time now, there is something I wanna talk about…”

He gently rubbed the back and side of his neck, looking between his lovers. This...could end badly, but it was something they needed to talk about. Miya was worth it. “I think you’re good to stay where you are? Um...I wanted to thank you guys for your patience with me yesterday. I know how frustrating it can be when you know something’s on my mind but...I needed a little longer to think it over and…”

Rubbing his shoulder now, a small frown before he smoothed his face over, genuinely, curiously asking, “...when you talk about training Miya...how...young are you thinking of starting with her?”

Kaito leaned his head into his hand, propping it up by his elbow against his knee, nodding as Kokichi spoke, forcing himself to focus. Kokichi seemed bothered. He felt his eyes unfocus for a moment, and aggressively bit the inside of his cheek. There… a little better. Ha, he totally had this-

“Oh… um. I’m not sure.” Shuuichi realized, looking over at Kaito, “Kaito?”

Kaito blinked. “Hm?”

“What do you think? Did you have a specific age in mind?”

Kaito stared at Shuuichi, entirely lost, but trying not to show it on his face. Had he missed something? He glanced at Kokichi, then Shuuichi again, looking for clues. A specific age in mind… uh… “...well… just so we’re all on the same page first, what did you guys think would be a good age?” Kaito decided to ask, hoping getting them to answer first would clue him in to what he just missed. 

Shuuichi gave Kaito a somewhat annoyed look at the none-answer, before sighing, “Well… I personally wasn’t taught any combat until Maki taught me specific fighting techniques in high school. I think I was fourteen? Which seemed like a good time roughly to start to me. Maybe thirteen or twelve, if earlier?”

Kaito blinked. Combat… oh! What age to start combat training! 

Scratching his chin-- oooooh, was that… peach fuzz!? Oh! He’d have to check that out after this!!-- he said, “Well, sure, but didn’t you say Miss Kirigiri didn’t want you to learn combat because it’d make you stupid or something?”

Shuuichi frowned, “She’s a believer in the ‘once you have a hammer, everything is a nail’ theory. She worried if I knew combat, I’d stop trying to think my way out of difficult situations, yes.”

“Yeah, but… I don’t know, I think that’s a weird way of looking at it. And waiting till pre-teens seems a little late. I mean, I started learning sword techniques at eight… and hell, even with training that long, I feel like there’s still plenty more to learn. I mean, look at Maki! She’s been learning combat her whole life! It’s worked out amazingly for her! So wouldn’t it be better the earlier we started?”

The non-answer didn’t soothe Kokichi’s worries any, but...it was a fair gauge. Since Kokichi had sprung this conversation on his partners and everything, maybe Kaito was just trying to see where Kokichi’s head was at before going into it. 

However, Shuuichi’s answer made him feel...almost a little silly. Twelve at the earliest--not to mention that he’d already seen someone’s worries around the concept of learning combat, though Miss Kirigiri’s concerns weren’t quite what had worried Kokichi, even if they were close--was definitely old enough for Kokichi to feel okay with. For Miya to be enough of her own person to want to choose it. Maybe it could even be a thing like...she learn one method of defence before being allowed to go out on her own.

Still...there was still enough of Kaito’s enthusiasm that he had to tread carefully. 

Kokichi nodded gently, tugging on the long bits of his hair in the back. “Maki-chan is extremely accomplished when it comes to combat. All the work she’s put into it is something to be proud of...but it’s also something she’s been focused on for a career almost her whole life.”

Kokichi looked at his lap, not feeling like he was...alone in his thoughts, or that he was trying to fight a losing battle, but just...feeling more focused like that. “...I do want you guys to teach Miya. I think it’s important for her to know how to defend herself if she needs it. But until she’s old enough to have ideas about what she might like to learn...I’m worried about her learning how to hurt people while she’s still...figuring out how to be a person. Figuring out what her values and goals and wishes and stances are… I know those aren’t set in stone by the time she’ll be a pre-teen either, but by then she’d at least know what those things are, conceptually.”

He frowned a little more, thinking through what he wanted for their daughter, what he believed would be the best for her… “...I’d be supportive, by the time she’s ten, if we wanted to start teaching her things like...how to get out of someone holding her. But...I’d really prefer if we wait to teach her anything that could severely hurt someone until she has an understanding of what it means to hurt someone…pre-teen and all that.”

Shuchi nodded, while Kaito just sorta… frowned. 

Rubbing the back of his neck, he said, “So, like… until eleven or twelve? ...no combat training at all?”

“Well, I’m not sure I’d have wanted her to learn swordfighting anyway, and baton combat’s pretty simple to learn. It doesn’t take long, especially when you add in the tasers. It’s why Maki taught me that form in the first place.” Shuuichi reminded Kaito, “So, if we waited till twelve to start teaching her baton combat, which is the style we were talking about her using anyway, then it’s not like there would be that steep of a learning curve.”

Kaito frowned at that, rubbing the back of his neck. “...I mean, I guess that’s true, but…” he glanced at Kokichi, before saying somewhat uncertainly, “It’s not like we were going to… just teach her to beat people up and stuff…”

He honestly couldn’t say what he’d been expecting in a good faith guess, but Kokichi was still relieved when his partners just...kind of accepted what he said. So Kokichi felt comfortable enough to give Kaito an earnest nod. “I know there’s more to combat training than that… And stuff like the training we do with Tim and the girls now? I’m not gonna protest regular exercise, or even, like...risk management stuff. Things that can help her enforce her own autonomy. Even if kids aren’t great at understanding consequence, it’s still helpful to have learned that kind of stuff.”

“I guess…” Kokichi tugged gently on one of his ears, smiling slightly apologetically. “...I can see where Shuu-chan’s mentor was coming from. I just...want it to be her cognisant choice when she learns things a bit more severe than the average… For her to have other tools at her disposal by the time she gets there.”

Shuuichi more or less agreed to all of this-- it was how he himself was raised, after all-- and wasn’t really disturbed by any of this. But Kaito’s face got a little tighter. Brow furrowing.

...but he didn’t say anything. Just popped the knuckles in his joints a little, glancing absently at nothing to his left… before saying, “I mean… I guess if you both want that. Ya’ll know we’re going to end up having this conversation again when Maki gets back though.”

‘If she comes back.’ Shuuichi immediately thought. Outloud, he said “We’re Miya’s parents. Maki might disagree, but she’ll respect it.”

Kokichi just looked at Kaito for a long moment. Some of his initial anxieties about even bringing this subject up at all stirred in his chest, reading that look on his husband’s face… 

“...I’d welcome having this discussion again with Maki-chan’s input too. We’re Miya’s parents, but Maki-chan’s her aunt, and is going to be influential in her life as well. But when it comes down to how we’re gonna raise our daughter...that is kinda dependent on us. If Kai-chan disagrees...I’d rather hear it now than be blindsided, thinking you were supportive the whole time.”

...it was dangerous, saying something like that. But...Kaito had been changing. And if he could handle being disagreed with, if he’d been so upset at how he and Shuuichi were nervous to bring things up around him...it’d been a while since Kokichi had employed some of his Dicean bluntness when it came to his family. 

Kokichi gathered up a pillow in his lap, resting his head on it as he looked past Kaito and out the window. “...to a point, we’re all going to be flying blind. We’ll have lessons from our own lives, preferences...but Miya’s not gonna be any of us. She’s a brand new person in a new environment and circumstance that none of us are going to fully understand--her circumstances aren’t going to be ours. And...well, personally, I’m really happy for that.” Kokichi cracked a grin before getting more serious again. 

“But...it means that things that worked out for us are gonna have a new whole set of factors when it comes to her. Who knows? Maybe as soon as she can talk, Miyako’s gonna declare that she wants to be the greatest mounted lancer the world’s ever seen!” he only half-joked. “In that case? ...I still think teaching her how to handle and ride a horse first would be best, but...then we can reevaluate what we wanna teach her when. So much of what the future is gonna look like is...really dependent on her. What kind of person she is.”

“...that’s why I don’t want to set her up on a life-long path before she even knows what the world around her looks like…”

“Well, as far as life-long paths go, I’m gonna go ahead and put in the ring that we start her education early,” Shuuichi added in, tongue only slightly in cheek as he smiled softly at Kokichi, “She might decide she doesn’t want to be an intellectual later in life, but I think I’m going to insist she learn the basics of most studies either way. Consider me the tyrant in this relationship.”

Kaito was looking down at his hands now. Popping his joints. He had heard what Kokichi said, but his face had just gotten tenser at it, and he still didn't say anything. Just sitting and thinking.

Kokichi turned, laughing softly at Shuuichi. “...I know what I just said, but I agree. I enjoyed my education, but I’m gonna vote for Miya going to school. I really regret not getting to go, and maybe it’ll turn out that some other form of education is better for her, but...I think it has a good chance of working out.”

Looking back at Kaito, Kokichi’s mirth died. This wasn’t Kaito backing down, just saying that he agreed to do what they thought was best, but…

Kokichi let out a tiny sigh and scooted off the bed, walking over to plop himself down in front of the window seat. “...is this a close proximity talk now, or are you just thinkin’?”

Kaito glanced at Kokichi, before looking back at his hands. “...sorry, just thinking…”

Sigh… he wished they were having this discussion some other time. He kept trying to think of responses, some angry, some inquisitive, some just ‘yeah, okay, we’ll do that’, but the thoughts would trail off, and once he got started again, his feelings on the subject changed. Ngh…

He knew he was angry. That much was consistent. But he couldn’t quite… pin down why he was angry. The reasoning changed every time the thought process started up again. And some of it wasn’t fair or rational, even to himself. It was more like fighting off one of his classic temper tantrums, but… he didn’t want to give into that feeling. It wouldn’t help anything.

“... I...guess there’s no real harm in waiting till she’s a little older to start combat training. Especially if it… makes you both feel better. I mean… duels aren’t a thing here. And, I would always expect Miya to have, ya know… I mean, the castle has good security, and Tim’s trained, me and Shuuichi are trained, how often by the time she’s eleven will she really be entirely on her own… no fights at school is to be expected…”

“...hey, this is gonna seem really left field? But while we’re talking raising stuff…” Kaito huffed, rubbing the back of his neck, before saying sternly, “I wanna raise her Atuan. And not like… not like how most people are Atuan. Actually Atuan. The rituals and all of it.”

Kokichi nodded softly, still getting the impression that Kaito wasn’t thrilled...but he was willing to see things through until they got to know their daughter more. And...that was all Kokichi could really ask for, honestly. A willingness to look outside your own expectations. 

Which Kokichi wouldn’t really be doing with the Atuan stuff. 

“That’s fine with me, though…” Kokichi gave Kaito a look, not expecting it, but… “...not rituals like the parade thing, right? I...I would have an objection to something like that.”

Kaito looked confused for a second, not following Kokichi’s logic… before scowling as he realized, “No. That’s not an Atuan thing. That’s a stupid, old abusive party thing they used to do for marriages… it had nothing to do with Atua. My religion isn’t… fucking just sex abuse, okay?”

Shuuichi’s brow furrowed, as he said, “Kaito, that’s not fair. Kokichi’s not expected to remember every culture thing from Luminary, and he wasn’t trying to accuse the religion of any-”

“Fine, sorry! Sure, no parade thing, absolutely. I… shit, I need to take a walk.” Kaito murmured, getting up, a frustrated look on his face, “Sorry, I just have some pent up energy. I’m not angry. I just need to walk.”

Kokichi blinked wide, not… He hadn’t meant to imply that the faith was like that, he had just...referenced that thing in particular because Kaito had told him it had fallen out of fashion at home, and even that he personally didn’t like it. So...Kokichi was asking about the...like, add on bits. 

...but he supposed he should’ve just known better than to think that Kaito would want to do any of that stuff… (Especially because...he’d labeled it as abuse? Which Kaito had never said right out before, always just...talking around it.) (It was that sort of stepping around that had made Kokichi ask in the first place, a little worried in a way he hadn’t even realized that Kaito might bring over some traditions that he himself didn’t even like just out of...tradition.)

(Kaito’s changes were going to be a process for all of them.)

The look on Kokichi’s face went from shock, to hurt, to a bit of worry...but he let Kaito go, hugging the pillow tighter. “I didn’t mean…”

Kaito heard Kokichi, but he just murmured something about coming back in a bit and just headed out, locking the door behind him.

Shuuichi gave the door a mildly frustrated look… before saying, “Maybe I should follow him. That was uncalled for.”

Kokichi shrugged in just the barest motion, rubbing the sides of his hands against his neck. “...I should’ve...said what I meant better… He’s been kind of distracted so...maybe he does just need a walk. I dunno…”

...Kaito was so adamant about Tim, in day to day things, and Miya, in talks of the future, not being...stuck in uncomfortable or dangerous situations… Of course he wouldn’t bring their daughter into something like that, even with some pressure from Luminary traditions… He’d even just said he wanted things to be ‘not like how most people were Atuan’. 

...should’ve just...kept his mouth shut…

Shuuichi gave the door another hard look, before looking softly at Kokichi. “Hey… come over here. That wasn’t your fault. Kaito was angry by the end there, he’d have overreacted to anything by that point.”

Kokichi just shrugged again but got up from the ground, heading back over to the bed and leaned slightly against Shuuichi when he settled himself on top. “He cares a lot about Atua...I don’t want to ever shit on that…”

-

Waku had just gotten off her shift and was heading back to her room, but as she started climbing the stairs… Who knew if it was because Kaito was just that off, or because she’d gotten closer to him, and thus more attuned, but Waku got hit with some stank bad vibes. And, braver every day than she was before, she continued up the stairs, looking around as she tried to pin-point the odd, frustrated message she was getting.

Do not punch the wall do not punch the wall do not punch the wall-

… it was a near thing, but he didn’t do it. He just crossed his arms and, gritting his teeth, thumped his forehead against the wall, having been halfway to his shrine before just stopping, just feeling… frustrated and embarrassed and his mind racing with thoughts that weren’t fair and he knew that but fucking god damn it-

Small, light footsteps stopped behind the prince, Waku crossing her arms and just frowning at the display in front of her. Then, she sighed. “...the dojo’s still open, and the gym rooms don’t have classes right now, ‘far as I know. Don’t think I’d be a very good friend to suggest we go get sloshed right now…”

She tipped her head to the side in a familiar motion. “Or I could sit you down in my room and we could responsibly have something light as you tell me what’s got you wound up like this. If it counts for anything, your anger seems...less volatile than it has been at times. You’re really doing work.”

Kaito looked up, startled as Waku appeared seemingly out of nowhere, before sighing softly, placing a few fingers lightly against his forehead. Ugh… there was probably a mark there. Embarrassing… 

Honestly, he was grateful Waku had stopped to check in on him. He didn’t have a lot of people close to him like that here, even in the most barest friends aspect of it. Even the offer of spending time made Kaito feel a little better… but that maybe didn’t come across as he considered her options before, scowling in frustration, he said petulantly, “Tsk… like there’s a good answer. If I say gym, then I’m just an idiot meathead obsessed with his looks and annoying health habits! If I say dojo, I’m a violent idiot! If I say drink, I’m an idiot alcoholic! I have no idea what the right answer is, but it’s definitely not anything I’d actually do!”

Waku raised an eyebrow, seeing...a loooooot to unpack here. But not here in the hall. “...then fuck the right answer. Let’s go be idiot, look-obsessed, meatheaded, violent alcoholics.”

Kaito huffed, clenching his fists… before sighing. Giving Waku a slightly embarrassed look as he said, “...I know of all the bad options, drinking is the worst one, but I’m not a big talker during exercise, usually, and I don’t think I’d feel good about doing combat practice with you, Waku. Do you practice a fighting style?”

“Screaming and flailing and biting and smacking with anything I can find on hand,” she replied, entirely serious. “But I think that’s entirely fitting for being idiotic. And I know I’d be pretty shitty to offer you a hand in drinking away whatever’s in your head...but I do have two cans of water so minimally boozy that I think I’d burst my bladder before I got drunk off em. But-but, I’m also decent at dodging, if you just wanna try and hit me.”

Kaito’s brow furrowed, feeling a little sick at the idea, as he said again, “Yeah, no, I… wouldn’t feel good about sparring you. Thanks though… yeah, can we go drink your slightly shittier version of water. Thanks Waku...”

Kaito ran a hand over his face as he followed Waku to her room, wherever it was, sighing… before grunting angrily, putting both hands on his face and palming his eyes as he said, “Ugh… god, I’m such an idiot… I think I just yelled at my very soft-spoken husband in front of my very pregnant boyfriend…Ngh...”

Waku nodded and led the way back to the second floor, just down the hall from Denji, if Kaito had been inclined to remember his way going there when he got his hair fixed. But Waku knew she’d made a good decision in trying to talk with the prince when before they’d even gotten to her room, he started to talk. 

“Hmm...well, Shuuichi’s been more mood-swing-y, but once he centers, he’s a reasonable guy, and I dunno if ‘soft-spoken’ is something I’d describe Kokichi as… Maybe insecure and a little too accommodating out of a wish to be liked, at his most pushover-y,” Waku hummed, before looking over her shoulder in curiosity. “Did he need to be yelled at? Even with how lovey-dovey you guys are, I know you know how much of a brat he can be.”

Kaito gave Waku an annoyed look. “No he’s not… at least, not to me. He’s always… well, he’s usually really… patient and careful with me, cause I’m a… dunderhead who can’t fucking take anything he says… and the second he says something! There we go again! Kaito’s out here, literally bashing his head against a wall! Cause he can’t fucking handle anything!”

Running his thumbs over his temple, he grit his teeth before saying, “He didn’t even… it’s fine! It’s not like… like, what!? Like I wanna turn Miya into some sort of thug!? Oh, nooooo, if we let Kaito raise her to be anything like him, she’s gonna end up some violent, stupid bully who can’t solve anything but with violence! Obviously!”

“Sure, it’s not like you’ve moved to a country that gives you the creeps and have had to accommodate almost every single thing you do to keep people from looking at you weirdly, not that they ever wouldn’t, while having to learn how to be around someone with some severe mental illnesses, someone betraying what you love, someone getting a hefty drug addiction, then going through rehab, all while you were going through rehab, and expecting a child all at the same time.” Waku let out a huffing laugh as she unlocked her door for Kaito. “If someone who couldn’t handle anything had to deal with all that too? Oh man, I’m not sure if there’d be much of a castle left to clean!”

“And, yeah, I really can’t believe how excited Kokichi is to raise a kid with you. You’re obviously such a terrible role model that can’t be trusted around kids. S’ why those girls are shaking in their boots every morning they run down here with their hearts beating out excitement. Kinda terrifying, the pride they have when you compliment them, or their determination when you correct their stances. No kids around Prince Kaito, no siree.” 

Kaito gave Waku a surprised look… before pouting slightly. “Hey, come on… you gotta lay it on that thick? I mean… look, I know I’m being… ugh, I don’t know.” Kaito immediately contradicted himself, sighing. “...I know I’m being irrational… I’m just feeling… fuck, I don’t know…”

Popping his joints restlessly, he confessed, “I feel like I just got a taste of my whole damn future today… like, uh oh, careful Kaito… wouldn’t wanna… ruin our kid getting any of your shitty ideals on her… be patient with Dad, Miya, he was raised badly and has a bunch of bad ideas and is just… bad… don’t… don’t… if by some fucking luck any of his… fucking family is still around when… you’re older… don’t get any of their bad ideas in your head and...”

Kaito stopped moving, a lost, grieving look vaguely on his face… before he furrowed his brow and grit his teeth, taking a calming breath… “Sorry. I’m just whining… how did you even know all of that stuff? Fuck, does everyone know all of that stuff?”

Waku shrugged a little, though her expression softened. She had never been very good at lying, even in jest. “You’re not being irrational, Kaito. You’re hurt and frustrated, and you have reason to be. It’s not always the time and place to, but everyone needs space to express whatever emotions they have.”

She pulled a couple soft, magenta bean bags more into the center of her room and walked over to a small cooler, pulling out two cans of debatably alcoholic sparkling water, handing one off to Kaito before she sat down on a bean bag, listening to Kaito explain a little more about what this was all about. 

“If you wanna whine, then whine--it’s what I’m here for. And...for all that stuff? Sure, some of it is public knowledge, especially if you were here for it, like you guys asking for help while Shuuichi was in rehab, and I’ve known Kokichi since we were kids, so of course I know about his issues, but…” She offered something just shy of a shit-eating grin before pointing at Kaito’s chest. 

“Some of it? Is just me talking out of my ass. You guys have some damn loud emotions, so I can get the gist of some of the ridiculous shit that’s been happening to you, but as for what those things actually are? Gotta wait for it to either come out in the paper or from your mouth.”

“Now,” she started, cracking open the can, “what bullshit did Kokichi say, to imply that you’re gonna give-,” Waku paused, before giving Kaito a lighter look. “You’re naming your daughter Miya? That’s really cute! But, the stuff to imply that you’re gonna give her bad ideas. Tell me.”

Kaito gave her a grateful look as she handed him the cold can, Kaito placing it on his forehead, before moving it to his temple. He didn’t have a headache, but its coolness was… well, cooling, and he just enjoyed the chill of it for a moment, sitting down on one of her beanbags. Letting his body sink in.

“...he really didn’t… like I said, my ‘Kichi… he’s always really careful when he says anything to me. Unless he’s having some sort of meltdown, in which case, like… fuck, there’s always other things to worry about by that point.” Kaito muttered, running the can over his forehead, “He just essentially asked me and Shuuichi to wait to start telling Miya-- “

“--uh, Miyako, really… we’re naming her after Kokichi’s mother,” Kaito interrupted himself, giving Waku a sheepish smile, “It’s a nice name, right? I’m already really used to just calling her Miya, I kinda forgot we hadn’t announced it yet… Miyako Saihara.. Young Miya...anyway…”

“He just asked us to wait until Miya was a little older to start teaching her any form of combat… which is fair! It’s fair! There’s not a culture of combat in Dicea! It’s fair for Kokichi to prefer Miya’s safe rather than sparring like her crazy dad and aunt! Timothy stabs people! I get it! He doesn’t want that for her!”

“I just… I just took the why really personally and am reading too much into it…” Popping open the can, Kaito sighed, taking a sip… before wrinkling his nose in distaste. “You drink these recreationally? Waku, why? ...anyway, he just wants her to wait until she’s old enough to be able to make personal choices before we ‘force extreme paths’ on her. So she doesn’t grow up resorting to violence and having her concept of good and evil all fucked up… he didn’t say that, but, ya know… that’s how my stupid self took it.” Kaito muttered, glaring at the ceiling, “And I just found myself thinking like… what else am I not going to be allowed to teach her while she’s young and open to anything, because it’d be ‘forcing’ some shitty ideal onto her… and I don’t know, I got real defensive. And I told Kokichi that I really want to raise her as an Atuan. Like… she can pick any belief when she’s older, of course. But I wanna raise her as if she’ll be Atuan into adulthood, and I think I was just testing to see what he’d say, and I don’t really know what I was expecting but…”

“...shit I wasn’t expecting him to worry I’d want her fucking groped and sexually harassed on her god damned wedding day,” Kaito grumbled. Running his hand over his face. “Fuck… god dammit…”

Waku made a soft sort of “aww” noise, returning Kaito’s smile. She hadn’t really known much about Dr. Hoshino, but from the people she’d talked to who’d worked in the castle at the time, Kokichi’s mother was quite beloved. Not the sort of name she expected, but one that she knew would get smiles from pretty much everyone in the country. Maybe that was on purpose, from Shuuichi and Kaito’s angle. 

In fairness to the pregnant man, most of the rumors and distaste she heard regarding the royal throuple were aimed at Kaito and...hm. Maybe this fed into that too. 

Waku snorted derisively, having a bit to say about all of that, but deciding to start further back. “Extreme path...geez. How typical of a life-long pacifist that’s never even done sports until you guys came around. Kokichi gets nervous even around competitive aggressiveness; though I guess when you can be out for the count with some shoving, it does make you a bit more sensitive to that sort of stuff.”

Though, Kokichi could be extremely insensitive in other ways. Waku frowned, grimacing a bit. “...shit? He really said that? Like...Atuans are really open about sex, but I wouldn’t think that’s the extreme he would’ve taken it to, especially since...I’d assume you’ve talked to him about religious stuff. Damn...nice job on not just decking him.”

Kaito looked over at Waku, a conflicted look on his face… before he groaned, covering his face as he said, “No… no, that one’s fucking my fault too. Kokichi just got some memories mixed up, he’s not… it’s not like he fucking pulled that up out of nowhere.”

Letting his hands fall, before drinking some more of-- seriously, Waku, at this point, why not just actually drink water? It’d taste better and do the exact same thing-- the alcoholic beverage, for a lack of better term, Kaito said, “Luminary has this… this, like, old school, mostly out of practice tradition? We… okay, so, in Luminary, we have this thing called consummation laws? I don’t know the whole history behind it, but back in the day, marriages were literally only for the benefit of legally having children. Like, that was it, that was the big point of marriage. Making an heir. So, to fulfil the point of the contract, couples are expected to try having a baby, like, the same night they get married. Legally. It makes them officially, legally married, trying for the first kid. Even if it's just symbolically, which is really all the consummation law is these days.”

“Anyway… that’s still a law back at home, even if it doesn’t have the same weight it used to. And, a few hundred years ago, there was this really common practice? The consummation parade? Where people got to, like… like, everyone gets to listen in on the act and… they get to touch the couple before they go behind this screen and… and, like, afterwords, they have these people check if the couple actually did it… it’s really uncomfortable and weird and it’s not a requirement and most people don’t do it these days,” Kaito finished, somewhat defensive, looking more and more uncomfortable.

“Anyway, it’s an old school party tradition, I told Kokchi about it because there were some people… well, one guy, There was someone who really wanted us to do it and I told him no twice and I was just… worried maybe telling him no… resulted in bad things happening… I shouldn’t have told Kokichi about it at all. If I had known Kokichi better by that point, I’d have just kept it to myself. He’s really sensitive to stuff like that… anyway, like… we had that conversation six months ago. It’s not Kokichi’s fault he remembered it as being another Atua ritual… Atua… Atua has some… kinda bad rituals…”

Waku looked at Kaito with a sort of morbid wonder as he explained why Kokichi had said something so heinous and...wow. Maybe it was kind of nice for the kid, if the entire reason for marriage was for them. Cut down on unwanted kids...though probably not, because accidental and careless pregnancies happened, no matter the other social circumstances. 

But...yeah. She didn’t really get why you all didn’t just have an orgy at that point if the parade was a common thing, but...well, it didn’t sound like it was that way anymore. But even with that point, she could understand why it would’ve stuck in Kokichi’s mind. Especially considering his...less than ideal wedding night. 

Crossing one leg over the other Waku thought for a moment before looking at Kaito curiously. “...Atua has bad rituals, or people have made bad rituals in Atua’s name?”

“I don’t know!?” Kaito shouted, flopping backwards more onto the bean bags, kicking his leg into the ground a bit in frustration, “I don’t know! How am I supposed to know!? I was told that the highest ranking Momota in Luminary got direct messages from Atua! That whatever they said was basically Atua speaking directly to us! And… and not everything they said was bad!? Some things were okay!”

“But, now I’m in a country with a bunch of Atuans who say the Momota line is bullshit, and I don’t even know what Luminary Atuans believe in because the only people I ever met who really believed in Atua were priestesses and a boyfriend who wasn’t always the most honest or forthright person to me and one of those priestesses spent half her time telling me that some of our history was fucking made up and then she went ahead and died before I was old enough to ask intellegent questions so now I just have questions and a bunch of conflicting answers and fucking no one who wants to talk to me about it! Fuck!”

Kaito crushed the can into his hand, looking frustrated and furious and distraught… but he faltered when he felt the can start to leak and, not wanting to spill a bunch of shitty kinda-beer on his friends floor, he quickly sat up and chugged the rest of the crushed can, before sighing. “...can I have another one of these shitty things?”

Waku still had that curious look on her face, but she stretched out over to the cooler, grabbing another water for her friend. She was quiet for another moment before speaking. “...well, you got messages from Atua. I don’t know what else he told you, so I dunno if he could’ve answered any more questions about your religion. All I know was what you told me he said and...well, I told you before, but it really does boil down to religion is what you make of it. So if you think some of the rituals are bad, and you don’t know who was telling the truth of passing on Atua’s messages…”

That same, open, curious look. “...what parts do you want to pass on to your daughter? If you love your god and rely on him for spiritual guidance, then aren’t the parts you think are right the correct ones?”

“... I don’t know… if I trust Atua, shouldn’t I trust all the religion, even if some parts of it… seem kinda skeevy and like maybe they were just, ya know… like maybe an excuse for one of the old kings to maybe… maybe… fuck any kid he wanted to… augh!” Kaito groaned, furiously opening the can and insisting, “My religion isn’t abusive!”

Drinking furiously -- ugh, how was the second can even worse? Shouldn’t he be more used to it by now?-- Kaito drank a few full swallows… before reaching the can up and putting it between his eyebrows, furrowing his brow and closing his eyes.

“...the idea of sexual worship is a real thing for Atuans. I don’t want to pretend that’s not a thing,” Kaito admitted, sighing. “But… I don’t want my religion to be an excuse for anyone to hurt Miya… I don’t want her to do coming of age ceremonies, and I don’t want anyone to tell her that if she hasn’t messed around in a prayer booth at least once, then she’s not a real Atuan… I don’t want that to be a thing for her. I don’t really… think Atua thinks like that. He loves us… he doesn’t want to hurt us. And stuff like that can really, really hurt a person… and, admittedly, I’m not thrilled with the idea of her, uh… going to the lengths I’ve gone to with blood worship either.”

Kaito glanced at the parts of himself he knew were covered in self-inflicted scars, and sighed, “Not that she’d have to, cause, like… periods, eventually. I just… I felt so… helpless sometimes. Growing up. About a lot of stuff. And blood worship… made me feel in control of something. But, fuck, all it took was for me to see the look of horror in the local Atuans’ eyes here when I told them what I did for me to realize I took it way too fucking far… I haven't blood worshipped in almost two months. Nothing feels better. I just know I can’t go back to the way it was without feeling like an idiot but I feel lost and hopeless just… doing nothing… I just wish… I don’t know.”

Looking up at Waku, Kaito said blankly, “I know the situation’s different. And I don’t want to bring up old pain for the sake of hurting you… but do you ever miss that certainty of childhood? I know your mom told you a lot of ugly shit that hurt you and ruined your life, but… did you ever miss it? Once you were out of that lifestyle?”

“Your religion isn’t abusive,” Waku agreed, “But people can be. And if those people have power, it’s hard to see what’s them, and what’s more. Just because people agree with an idea doesn’t make it right.”

...it wasn’t time for it, but Waku was starting to understand why Kokichi had asked something like that. On the surface, it seemed like Kaito didn’t actually know what his religion was. If, in some conversations, he agreed that all the “bad” stuff was part of it, then...Kokichi, not understanding the religion very well, would be concerned about what their daughter would be taking part of. 

Except, Kaito actually did have an idea of what he at least wanted his religion to be. And so when Kokichi was confused, it felt like an attack on the “good” stuff too. 

...she hoped they would talk after this.

While Waku was a little alarmed to hear confirmation that blood worship really was a part of Atuan religion, and not just a wild rumor...her lips set in a frown. “...I bet it was even worse for you, since you had the worship connection… I didn’t get into self-harm myself...but Haneda got really high once and she talked about it with me. Letting people purposefully get her in fights, just to prove that these wounds were the ones she allowed, and nothing else could touch her. Wanting control of something...my psychologist said eating disorders often come from the same source. If you don’t have control of anything else, at least you had your body, right?”

She sighed, eyes going tired as she slumped back in the beanbag and took a long drink from her water can. 

“...sometimes, yeah. Mostly… I don’t know if you would even call it missing it. But there were a lot of days at the start where I just...felt like being a useless disappointment was better than being a freak and a monster. But...they both really suck. And the biggest difference was, to my mom? And all the people in the...in the LRG, I was always a useless disappointment. Even when I’d done something “right” it was never...something positive. It was just an absence of hurting. Which, in the moment, feels pretty positive,” she conceded with another sigh, crushing the can against her head until it was almost a disc. 

“But being a freak and a monster here...it ended. Not even just with enough time… There were people that cared about me here, even as just a person and not for me specifically. There would be moments where I felt alone and ridiculed...but then moments with people who brought me extra dessert or gave me a hug or asked to talk or even just...gave me a polite nod. And when things were good...they were actually good. I felt happy.” Waku picked up the little charm on her necklace, tracing the edges of the golden puzzle piece. “I am happy most of the time now. And back with my mom...the best I ever felt was relieved that I wasn’t currently being hurt or scared.”

“I can deal with being unsure and confused. I can’t live never being happy.”

“...I know this is a mean thing to say, but I hope your mom is just having a miserable time at her trails,” Kaito muttered, feeling spiteful and only guilty that he didn’t feel more guilty to say it. The trials were meant to teach, not to punish, but… Kaito still hoped it sucked for her.

“I bet you were tiny and cute and super pink… how could anyone hurt tiny, cute, pink things? I don’t get it. You’d have had me acting like an idiot, trying to get you to smile. I’m such a sucker for cute things… I don’t…” Kaito’s face tensed, worrying the can’s edges between his fingers as he said, “... I don’t get how… people can hurt kids… I just don’t get it. I look at Tim and Cali and Kimiko and… h-how does anyone look at them and go, oh, yep, th-this is… this is who we're gonna… t-take all that stuff out on. All that…” Kaito’s brow furrowed, before he waved his hand vaguely, “...stuff. Things. Stuff and things… I just don’t fucking get it. I don’t even know how you begin to think like that.”

“...my parents… our situation isn’t the same, but, my parents…” Kaito blinked miserably up at the ceiling, before saying, “My parents are dead. Did you know that? Course you know that, everyone knows that… they died five months ago. My parents are dead. They died five months ago. I… don’t know what their funeral was like and… I just… hope their last moments alive weren’t… bad and… and they’re dead and that’s a thing that’s true and it continues to be true even when I forget. Because sometimes I forget they’re dead. And it’s weird, suddenly remembering. My parents are dead. They’re really, really dead… and I just… sometimes I just wish…”

...Kaito grit his teeth and hissed at the ceiling, “Sometimes I wish I could still just fucking ask them why!? Why the fuck did they let all that stuff happen!? Did they approve it!? Did they just not care!? Did they give any shits that they had two kids!? … I only ever saw them when they wanted to see me. Otherwise I was raised by nannies. Well, nannies, and… and other people. I could go weeks at a time without seeing either of them. They only wanted to see me when I was happy. When I was being cute. If I stopped being happy? If I started to cry or get angry or seemed bored? They sent me back to the nannies. So… so eventually you just… learn to stay happy, ya know? If you want to see them. And… and I did. I wanted to see them… I loved my parents.”

“And I still love my parents. Even if I kinda want to punch both of them in their stupid fucking faces now.” Kaito grumbled… before sitting up. Giving Waku a somewhat grateful grin as he said, “Sorry, I’m just ranting about random stuff now… I’m just generally upset. Thanks for hearing me out… toast to shitty parents whose faces deserve punching?”

“I hope she’s rotting,” Waku said without much vigor. “And that one day she’s just...tearing herself up in agony for what she did to me. For hyping up the other people in the LRG. For everyone who was hurt by their actions.” Vengeance and bitterness only got you so far, she knew, but...sometimes it felt nice to spit on the names of those who had hurt you. You could always keep moving on with your life after that.

Waku smiled a bit at Kaito calling her pink, but… She sighed. “I’ve talked about stuff like that with my therapist, and there’s a whole course on it in health classes in school… But some people...really don’t seem to feel that other people are real. And if those kinds of people want to feel powerful...kids are weaker than adults. They’re dependent. They’re easy targets… And even for people who aren’t actively looking for a power trip, they don’t see kids as much more than a cute toy. There to look nice and perform charming tricks to amuse people...instead of people themselves, with everything that entails. Some people are...shockingly capable of emotional abuse, even if they’re not intentionally setting out to hurt anyone.”

...and it seemed like Kaito knew that all too well. 

Waku felt justified in spitting on her own mom’s name, but...celebrating someone else’s death just felt...cruel. But lamenting a shitty childhood?

Grabbing another water from the cooler, Waku cracked it and held it out to Kaito’s toast. “A toast to shitty parents who deserve a straight suckerpunch. And no problem, Kaito. Thanks for helping me drink this shitty water...cannot believe that Isabella just dumped all of it on me… I still have a few cases left…”

Kaito leaned over and gently tapped the cans, bringing it up in a gesture of acknowledgment, before sipping it down… and scrunching his nose again. “Ugh. Awful. I can absolutely see someone just dumping these on people. I bet Isabella inherited it from someone else. How about in thanks, I take a case off your hand and trick my husband into drinking a few cans before he gives up on it too?”

“Ha!” Waku barked out. “I’ll definitely take you up on that! He’d totally try to drink a bunch, not wanting it to go to waste, little nerd. Just turn on the puppy-dog eyes and wonder how you’re gonna get rid of it if he looks like he’s losing steam.”

“Pouring this stuff out wouldn't be a waste, it’d be a mercy. Atua help the poor thirsty bastard who’s only given this to save them.” Kaito snorted, drinking down some more, before idly crushing the can in his hand, burping slightly behind his arm. “”Scuse me...ugh… I totally left my guys in a big, ugly huff… I don’t even know how to begin to have a conversation like this with either of them. These days, Shuuichi would probably just get mad at me, cause Shuuichi’s always mad at me these days, and Kokichi… would just be sad and look like… I don’t know, my husband sometimes looks at me like he’s just kicked a fucking beaten dog and feels bad about it… ya know, when he’s not screaming at me in a mental breakdown or having a fucking heart attack…”

Kaito winced as soon as the words left his mouth, and he groaned, putting his head in his knees as he said, “I take that back, no, no, that was… that was a shitty thing for me to say… please don’t let it get around that I said that. I mean, I’d prefer you didn’t tell anyone about me being a sad sack for over a half hour, crying over shitty beer, but if you feel compelled to talk about this, just don’t mention that. That’s not fair on him.”

Waku grimaced at the can in her hand before taking another gulp. It mostly was just water, so they could probably get away with just dumping it...she wasn’t even sure why she hadn’t just done that after the first few sips. But now she’d committed to finishing off the cases Isabella had left her with, just to get rid of them and, like, hydrate herself. In the worst way possible. 

She’d been about to mention something else, but the little blurt Kaito had… It didn’t feel that way, but some of Kaito’s feelings about Kokichi were such a complicated code, Waku hadn’t been able to tease it all the way apart yet. She raised an eyebrow. “...do you resent him? Or...do you feel like you can’t talk to your partners?”

Kaito stilled. A tense, frustrated look on his face.

… he didn’t answer right away. But that was just because he was seriously considering the question… before he said with some certainty, “No, I don’t resent ‘Kichi. Resents the… the wrong word. I feel like that suggests I’d have done something different. If I had known, back in Luminary, that this was how it was going to end up? Up till today? I… I think I’d have still done it all. Even if I knew I couldn’t change anything. I’d still have done it, so… so resent feels like the wrong word.”

“But I do… my relationship with Kokichi isn’t… it’s not the easiest thing. Not for either of us. Sometimes I feel like I’m just some divine punishment for him, some terrible, awful thing that's happened to him… and, sometimes… sometimes I feel that way about him. There was some time… I think the fourth month of our relationship? God, I thought… I thought I was going crazy. For how unhappy I was. Like it just was never going to get better, and I’d just have to… keep chipping away at myself until I was finally just empty enough to at least not hurt him, and not feel hurt at the same time. I considered…” Kaito let the words escape him, just looking tired, as he said, “My head went to a lot of places. It just… it wasn’t easy. And sometimes I feel like one mis-step will get us back to there. I’m sure he feels the same way… that just fear of… falling apart like that again.”

“So, I think the fear of… regressing backwards makes me a little nervous to talk to him sometimes.” Kaito admitted, before sighing, “And Shuuichi… it’s almost kinda the same thing. He’s only just started improving from everything that happened to him a few months ago. And, as much as I wish I could say it hasn’t, that trauma changed our relationship. I just want to protect him. I don’t want to hurt him with my shitty temper and my stupid impulses… I’m just constantly worried about hurting them both…”

Waku nodded. Yeah, she didn’t think so. Sometimes it was easy to feel...overwhelmed or inadequate in the face of Kokichi, frustrated at times… But even at the peak of frustration, Waku was always happy to have met him, and not even because he was the domino that got her out of a horrible life. He was just...a good guy, and a decent friend when he got his head out of his ass. 

But if he struggled with friendship, she couldn’t imagine what being married to him was life. 

Difficult, was the answer. 

“Kaito...I’m not a psychologist, and I’ve never had a long-term relationship, so take this with a grain of salt, alright?” Waku’s expression was fair, but blunt. “I think that you should be able to get mad at your partners. That means without you going ballistic--which you’re more than capable of--and without them blowing up or melting down or being hurt in a way you can’t recover from. And they should be able to get mad at you and each other in kind. Even the most in sync people rub each other the wrong way sometimes. If you can’t do that...then that’s something you all need to talk about, or get a counselor involved.”

“And...if you’re worried about regressing? I’m sure you’ve heard people say that recovery, growth, progress, whatever, isn’t a straight line. Sometimes you need to go back to move forward. Sometimes there’s gonna be stuff worth getting pissed over, but you guys need to figure out if you’re gonna hurt forever, or try to move forward.” Or move apart was usually the other option, but...she didn’t know. It felt like the throuple was strong enough to move forward together, and not just for the sake of their daughter.

Kaito gave Waku a mildly nervous glance, even at this point still not really sure what was okay to talk about, with his relationship with the heir-apparent. The fact that he had said this much to her was… hugely disrespectful to Kokichi. But… Waku was proving over and over again to be a good friend to him. And, dammit… Kaito really needed someone who was just a friend, these days. A cute, pink, sexy friend, but just a friend.

“Yeah… I… I suggested marriage counseling at one point? But that was when we were at our lowest, basically, and I’ve been worried bringing it up again would like… I don’t know, jinx us? Or make Kokichi think I’m unhappy now? I’m not. I am happy. I’m just… terrified of it being like it was… maybe I should bring it up again.” Kaito agreed… before pouting, “Ugh. I bet he’s gonna think I wanna go over the combat training stuff… yeah, the timings not exactly great… but, look, that’s just me being fucking nervous about arguing with him again which is the whole problem and auuuugh!”

Kaito collapsed back on the beanbag chair, grumbling indecipherably to himself… before saying, deadpan, “I should talk to them about it anyway. Right?”

“Right,” Waku confirmed, keeping down a smile at Kaito’s self-directed back and forth. The fact that he’d suggested marriage counseling before was a good sign, though. With someone who actually had the experience sorting through marital miscommunication, they could figure things out, especially if they’d managed to bring it back from a low place on their own once. “And I think they’ll be open to it too. Or…”

Waku looked to the side. “...well, Kokichi would be open to the counseling, and Shuuichi would be open for at least talking about it amongst yourselves but...geez, for someone so nosy, he hates giving other people information. And...well, you were on a roll being angry, so I didn’t want to interrupt too much, but Kokichi really is excited to raise Miya with you. I swear, his feelings are so loud sometimes it’s almost like I can hear him straight out gushing over what a great dad you’ll be.”

“So...even if he ends up having other issues...that is the core of his feelings. So I hope you can take comfort in knowing that at least his intentions are good, even if his actions fuck it all up.” Waku gave her friend a grin, hoping that it really was something that helped. 

Kaito still didn’t… entirely understand the heart hearing stuff. But, he had long learned to just kind of go with it, when it came to Waku. She was nice enough to not say his religion was full of shit, he would take her on her word that she could… hear hearts. So he just nodded, saying quietly, “Yeah? I guess that’s good to know… I know Kokichi loves me. And, yeah, it helps to think he doesn’t just… want me to shut my mouth and just… not ruin our kid with my… my everything. It does help to believe that…”

Sighing, Kaito ran a hand through his hair, before saying, “It’s been over an hour. I’m certain Kokichi, at least, is worrying about me and feeling bad that I left having a hissy fit. Now that I’m not going to punch a wall, I should probably go back and ease his fears… thanks for talking to me Waku. You know I’m here for you if you ever need the same, right?”

Nodding, Waku got up from her beanbag and went to the cooler properly instead of just patting around in it, pulling out a little paper six-pack carrier of the awful water. “Course! I’m still counting on you for the next arm-wrestling tourney Captain Black’s has, and if I need someone to sit by me as I stare blankly into a wall, you really are my first option, Kaito.” 

While she was partially joking, keeping things a little lighter, there was a knowing fondness in her eyes as she gave the prince a firm pat on his arm. 

“Good luck with the misters. Hopefully I’ll see you guys at dinner?”

“Wall staring sounds like a pretty chill time. I’m up for some wall staring.” Kaito agreed, taking the case only somewhat reluctantly, before nodding, giving Waku a grin in return, “Yeah, probably. Less my Shuuichi feels dining room shy, but otherwise, we’ll probably be there. Thanks again, Waku. I’ll see ya later.”

And with that, he headed back.

-

Shuuichi was whispering platitudes softly to Kokichi, holding him close and gently grazing the tips of his fingertips up and down his back. They hadn’t spent the whole time cuddling, Shuuichi had gotten up to get Kokichi some water at some point, but even when the conversation had seemed to end for a moment, Kokichi’s eyes, which had been dry for a long time after Kaito left, suddenly squinted, a look of stress on his face, apparently his thoughts in the quiet finally pushing him past whatever hold he had had over himself. Shuuichi had then spent some time just holding him, reassuring him that he hadn’t done anything wrong while Kokichi had cried a little into his shoulder. Not bawling, but clearly just…

Well, the conversation he had been afraid to have had ended up going poorly, and that fucking sucked.

It was about twenty minutes after that, and Kokichi seemed to have pulled himself back together, but Shuuichi didn’t feel any better about it as, frowning darkly, he heard the key in the door and sighed. “Oh, guess someone’s done with his ‘walk’.” He muttered, looking over to the door.

Kaito came in, and with him came the smell of still freshly warm hot chocolate and some biscuits, Kaito once again falling back into the habit of trying to make up for his run-offs with drinks and food. “Hey guys…”

Kaito smiled nervously as Shuuichi just gave him a cool look, the Luminary Prince putting the tray of hot chocolates and biscuits on the vanity desk as he said, “I know we have dinner later, but I thought maybe a sweet snack wouldn’t hurt anything. You guys want any?”

Shuuichi had been...very kind. Holding him close and trying to help him calm down, all for the better part of an hour. And...it was hard, because some of it did seem like Kaito blowing up, but it was only because Kokichi had started it. Treaded into something he knew was going to be a sore spot--and it was sheer luck, to him at least, that it hadn’t hurt Shuuichi as well, and then just...not asking what he actually meant, and coming off like he was trashing all of the Atuan faith. 

Shuuichi had said that’s not what it was, but left time to think, that’s the only way it looked in Kokichi’s head. 

And it wasn’t fair to Shuuichi, to force him into managing Kokichi’s emotions like this...but he just couldn’t stop feeling like garbage. 

When Kaito returned--there was a little cool spot of relief in Kokichi’s chest. They’d all gotten better, but there was still a worry in him that Kaito would just...disappear until sneaking back into their bed at night after he and Shuuichi had gone to sleep--Kokichi couldn’t help doing a once over to check on his husband, but then scooted out of Shuuichi’s embrace and out of the bed. 

Kokichi had watched his family for months now, but as he bowed low from his waist in front of Kaito, there was a certain straight stiffness to his back that even at their most formal the others didn’t have. It was a wonder where he picked that up. 

“I’m sorry,” Kokichi spoke to the ground, not even lifting his head out of his bow. “I hurt and insulted you. If you would offer me the opportunity to explain myself…” Kokichi’s voice softened out of the odd formality, not used to this sort of thing, but putting in a damn effort. “...I don’t understand Atua well. You’ve been very gracious in explaining things to be, but even still...sometimes I have a hard time remembering, or even figuring out in the moment what’s a religious practice, and what’s a formal Luminous practice, and what’s just...common everyday stuff in Luminary. That ignorance is no excuse to say what I did, when what I really meant was… I’d be so excited for you to raise our daughter Atuan. But while I don’t share the faith, I still want to understand the type of things you guys would be doing, just so I can be a part of it from afar. So I can be a part of the conversation if Miya starts talking about it.”

“...I knew you were opposed to the parade, and insinuating that you’d carry on a tradition that’s, for one, barely even a tradition anymore, but something that you’d refuse on a personal level, was a disrespect that, if I’d put it to thought for even a moment, I’d never want to hit you with. I should’ve explained what I meant, instead of using some...gross, convoluted talk-around.”

Despite Shuuichi having calmed him down, Kokichi could feel his eyes burning again. “...I’m sorry, Kai-chan. I trust you to look out for our kid...I never should have said that.”

Kaito’s fucking everything stiffened in horrefied alarm as Kokichi fucking bowed to him, and for a second, he was actually, physically going to push him back upright, because no no no, that was the wrong way, you’re the heir apparent, unless Aiichi is around or Byakuya or Marigold you don’t do that, Kokichi. 

But Kaito stopped himself because… he knew Kokichi was trying to make a gesture and correcting him based on hierarchy… felt wrong. At least in this moment. So, whole body tensed in anxiety for a moment-- and, wow, holy shit, no wonder this had always worked on Maki and Shuuichi to pressure them into letting him have his way, holy shit-- Kaito just stared at Kokichi, hearing him out.

Thankfully, by the time Kokichi’s voice tightened at the last line, Kaito could feel the shock and anxiety start to wear off, and just sighing a little, purely out of respect, Kaito quickly gave a half-bow back that Kokichi likely couldn’t even see, before heading over to him, putting his hands on his shoulder and gently pushing him back up as he said, “Hey, hey… no, I mean… thank you, but…”

...well, maybe but nothing. Kato had been deeply offended, and Kokichi was trying to apologize. It’d be shitty to try to play it off like Kokichi shouldn’t have bothered when Kaito really did appreciate hearing it. So, instead of following that line of thought, he pulled Kokichi into a hug instead and said, “...thank you. I’m sorry I ran off instead of hearing you out. I just… I know you didn’t mean it that way. I just got all in my head. I’m sorry babe.”

Kokichi wanted to keep the gesture up through his apology, but once he’d said his piece...well, it was in Kaito’s hands then. To air his own feelings or...still be mad, or accept the apology… So when Kaito pushed his shoulders up, Kokichi easily went up, and then into the hug, wrapping his arms around Kaito’s waist. 

“It’s alright… Even if you knew my intent, it doesn’t erase how much it hurt to hear. But...I’m happy you’re back. I’ll do better to say what I actually mean.”

Holding his husband for a good few moments after that, Kokichi finally looked up, his eyes a little red around the edges, and his smile was small and tentative, but his body was relaxed against Kaito’s. “Thanks for getting snacks--the hot chocolate smells really good.”

Kaito beamed at him back, before leaning down to kiss him on the forehead, before saying, “Yeah? Well, have some while it’s hot. I got some really tiny marshmallows in that fancy bowl there too if you wanted to add those. Little bit of sugar fuel, cause, like… I mean…” Kaito looked briefly uncomfortable, before laughing, “We probably still have things to talk about. Your husband running off like an asshole doesn’t mean the conversations done. And I’m… I’m in a better headspace to hear whatever you were trying to say, ‘Kichi. Pretty sure.”

Stepping back from him to give Kokichi room to get himself a cup, Kaito looked over at Shuuichi, grinning warily as he said, “Handsome? Do you want a cup?”

Shuuichi just continued to stare at him coldly. “I’ll just bring you a cup and a biscuit.” Kaito decided, his boyfriend clearly pissed at him.

Kokichi nodded before he stepped over to make himself up a cup of...well, the hot chocolate was already made, but he marshmallow-ed it up, putting in just about as much as the mug could take--while still leaving enough for Shuuichi to do the same, of course. Then, he returned to the bed, sitting carefully on the edge to not spill anything until he’d sipped the drink down enough to not slosh much. 

Looking over to see that...cold look on Shuuichi’s face…

...they probably did have a lot more to talk about in deciding how they wanted to, at least for a starting plan, raise Miya, but…

Kokichi glanced away, sipping his drink. “It’s...not really about Miya… And everything’s okay! I wanna preface that! But I promised to tell you guys if anything weird happened during my appointments…”

“...it didn’t happen. As soon as I said I didn’t want it, Cedar dropped it, okay? But...she had been planning on doing this thing called a neck adjustment…” Kokichi wrinkled his nose a little, his shoulders subconsciously hiking up to protect his neck. “She said it was like cracking your knuckles, but for the bones and joints in your neck, and that the bones there could get misaligned and doing that could shift them back into place...but I’m not comfortable doing something like that, and...like, Aunty didn’t even have to back me up. Cedar just dropped it, and she did this...weird massage on my head instead, that acupressure stuff she’s talked about. But I’m just letting you know, ‘cause we talked about being open about this.”

Kokichi glanced up at Kaito nervously for his reaction, having already seen Shuuichi’s. “...okay?”

As Kaito covered Shuchi’s drink in the rest of the marshmallows, bringing the cup and a small plate of biscuit to Shuuichi, holding it out to him as a peace offering for a moment… being giving a slightly defeated slump of his shoulders as Shuuichi just stared at him, muttering, “Alright, well, it’s right here when ya want it.” As he put the cup and plate on the nightstand next to him, Kaito went back to sit on the desk chair.

Eventually, Shuuichi did start nibbling on the biscuit as Kokichi talked, still annoyed by the Cedar incident as well, while Kaito’s brow just furrowed. Kaito pulled at his own hand joints, almost a pathological response to even just idly thinking about it.

“... I don’t understand.” Kaito admitted, giving Kokichi a confused look. “Why didn’t you want to do it? Isn’t this stuff going to cure you?” 

Kokichi hunched down a little more. Cedar...had basically said the same thing. That he couldn’t just expect life to be an easy walk in the park all the time...but she had still let it go. And...he wasn’t...totally sure if he’d done the right thing…

“...the thought of my neck bones moving around is...scary. And Cedar did say that if I felt uncomfortable, there were things we could skip…” Kokichi’s eyes found an interesting pattern in the rug under their bed, something that could just...grab his attention and make it stay there. “...and when we did our week review...a lot of the time, Seiko just says that the stuff Cedar’s doing is more considered for massage, or even beauty treatments here, but for this one… She said that when you crack the joints in your neck, you have to be really careful, ‘cause there’s an easy chance you can cut off blood to your brain, o-or dislocate the spine… And I’m sure Cedar knows how to do it right but...it makes me too uncomfortable for there to be a chance like that if you apply just a little too much pressure, or get the angle a little wrong…”

“...so I didn’t wanna do it…”

Kaito frowned at that, tapping against his knee, “... that does sound risky. And, I’m not going to say you have to do anything that feels like it puts you in danger, ‘Kichi… but this woman is trying to cure your lung and heart issues. Honestly, I’m still shocked it doesn’t require some sort of surgery… but you’re not going to get better if you skip out on the treatments.”

Shuuichi’s eyes narrowed, as he butted in, voice still cool and annoyed, “Dr. Cedar said he could skip it and it wouldn’t affect the treatment. He has every right to refuse risky treatment.”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t, I’m saying she wouldn’t have offered it if it wasn’t going to help.” Kaito insisted, not feeling great about having to argue this point to either of them, but… both Kokichi and Shuuichi… had a history of refusing or dodging help… “We decided to trust in this woman. Seiko’s vouched for her. We need to be ready to allow her to do her job.”

Shuuichi frowned, before rolling his eyes, “Right. Cause Seiko’s always trustworthy.”

“Shuuichi, come on, I thought we were past this…”

Kokichi shrank in on himself more, practically curled around his cocoa. “...I trust Seiko, and if she says that with one thing wrong on a treatment like that, I could die? Then I’m gonna trust Cedar too that I can skip treatments to do other ones later. This...this is still her job. This is the only treatment I’ve objected to.”

...it had been scary, trying to tell a doctor “no”. Usually when he fussed and objected, it was to be seen in the first place, but once a doctor or a healer had him down and gave him something to take or do...he did it. Even if it scared him, or it hurt, and...sometimes that had bit Kokichi in the ass, and he really was trying not to let that carry over into this case, but…

...everyone kept telling him he was in charge of his health. That he was an adult and he could make decisions. It was his decision to go through Cedar’s course and...it could be his decision to say no, too.

Even if it made him feel like a frightened little kid who was just about to be held down or given a sedative no matter what he said.

Kaito considered arguing again, but… he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “If Seiko said it was dangerous, and Cedar said it was skippable… alright. I just… this treatment could change everything, ‘Kichi. If it’s really all Dr. Cedar says it is? I just… I don’t want you to miss out. Being healthier, stronger, for longer… that would be worth it, wouldn’t it?”

“I just want to know that you’re being given the best possible chance.” Kaito said quietly, a distracted, somber look on his face… before he beamed at Kokichi, “We’re shooting for eighty, remember? And we’re gonna get you up those trails with less breaks needed! All of this is in support of those goals!”

He just didn’t want it to end up being twenty. 

Kokichi sighed softly but nodded at Kaito, his eyes breaking away from the rug as he mustered up a small smile. “That’s why I’m going through it. I just...want to be safe about it. People used to promise me a lot, and my father said yes on my behalf for that chance. I don’t know the process he went through...but we all know he’s not exactly...fastidious. If I’m taking care of myself, I want to put in the care to do it right.” 

Kaito hesitated, but… well, he also believed in caution. Especially for medical professionals. But that was usually because, well… they were so easily bought. There was never a greater opportunity to get rid of or severely disadvantage a rival, than when they were ill and at the mercy of a medical professional. It was an occupational hazard, in Luminary, to have both wealthy enemies, and a bad cold, at the same time.

That… wasn’t a thing here. Kaito was pretty sure.

Anyway… her background check had come back clean, Seiko was actively reviewing the offered treatments, and Nazumi was keeping watch during the actual treatment process itself. Everything suggested this woman was legitimate! So… so Kaito was choosing to put his faith in this. This wasn’t like those ‘professionals’ from Kokichi’s youth. Kaito had no idea what precautions Aiichi had taken, but in all honesty, he didn’t really trust the king. But he trusted the people around Kokichi. So… so it was going to be fine.

Still… even with all that said… “Alright, Kokichi. I trust you.” Kaito more promised than anything else. He’d still feel nervous if Kokichi refused more treatments in the future, but he also chose to believe Kokichi could handle his own risk-management by this point… well, with everything except for his hair. And maybe the worst of his occasional depressive episodes. Everything else! Kaito wasn’t going to strong-arm him. “No ones been handling your medical situation longer than you have, and I’d be kinda stupid to come in saying I know best now… I’ll trust you’ll make the best decisions for your own health.”

“Um, speaking of health things…” Kaito paused, rubbing his chin awkwardly-- peach fuzz. That was definitely peach fuzz. Was he growing more facial hair!? At twenty-three?-- “...um. I was talking to Waku. That’s really what took me so long over everything… oh! She gave us a case of alcohol, I’m an idiot, I put it down in the hallway to open the door and forgot about it.” Kaito remembered, standing back up and heading to the door, “One second.”

As Kaito went to grab it, Shuuichi tried catching Kokichi’s eyes. A wordless question of ‘are you okay?’

Kokichi nodded slightly, relaxing...just a bit out of his ball, though his shoulders remained high, protecting his neck. It was a little dumb, since Cedar wasn’t going to, like, jump out of the walls and jerk his head around, but...it still felt too protective for him to not do it at the moment. “Thanks, Kai-chan.”

He gave Kaito a curious glance, wondering both how “health stuff” related to Waku--he hoped she wasn’t sick!--and...how she managed to have enough alcohol to by chance give an entire case to them, but…

Kokichi gave Shuuichi a small smile, nodding slightly. He’d managed to convey himself to Kaito and apologize, and Kaito had accepted that apology. He’d stood his ground when it came to making decisions about his health. He was alright. 

He scooted over more on the bed, his cocoa down to a more maneuverable level now, and leaned against Shuuichi’s arm, nuzzling at him gently. 

That was good, though Shuchi was still pretty pissed off on his behalf. Honestly, Kaito… Shuuichi was still pissed Kaito had run off like that. It was immature. Kaito needed to be better.

...the hot chocolate was good though.

Kaito came back in carrying the relatively small case of cans, closing and locking the door behind him as he looked around for somewhere to put them, before deciding on the dresser. “The alcohol percentage is basically nothing, and I can’t sell ya on the taste either, but Waku felt bad at the idea of wasting what could, technically, be described as food, so I told her I’d take some of it off her hands. Shuuichi, you probably shouldn’t drink it at all, even though it's low, and babe, you’re welcome to have some if you want, but don’t feel like you have to, just because it’ll probably go to waste otherwise.” Kaito reassured, only… slightly teasing as he said so. 

Going back to sit in the chair, he said, “Alright, where was I… right, my thought. Um… look, can I pre-face this by saying I love you both a lot, and I’m very happy, and nothings wrong?”

Shuchi raised an eyebrow, shifting slightly as Kokichi nuzzled against him to get a better view of Kaito, “You can say that, but it’s weirdly nonreassuring.”

“Yeah, well, it’s still true… I want us to reconsider maybe… maybe getting a marriage counselor.” 

Kokichi’s face stiffened into a...an odd sort of expression as he regarded the...super low-alcohol drink. Drinking just to drink when it came to alcohol was a bad reason, but...if it was really low...if Waku was just trying to get rid of it… “...nnrrrgggg…”

...he’d probably end up helping Kaito finish them off. 

However, there were more important things to consider at the moment. 

Kokichi’s eyes widened as Kaito mentioned marriage counselling, remembering right at that moment that...right. Fuck. They had been planning to do that… Between trying to find a personal therapist and then just...work and socializing and the appointments with Cedar...fuck, it had been months since they’d talked about it…

But…

Kokichi’s eyebrows furrowed in, confused. “...so...you...don’t? Want to go to counselling?”  

Now Kaito looked confused. “...no? Or, I mean, yes, but… we never talked about it gain, so  sorta assumed maybe we just… weren’t going to do it? So this is me suggesting we should.”

“Why?” Shuuichi asked, entirely sincere. “Both of you are in therapy already.”

“Um, yeah, but I’m in therapy for anger management. Not... not entirely the same thing. I don’t think anyway.” Kaito frowned, before giving Shuuichi a somewhat stern look as he said, “And I don’t mean for just me and ‘Kichi. All three of us.”

“...” Shuuichi’s face tightened. “I’m not letting anyone mess with my head again. You promised that wasn’t going to happen again.”

“Shuuichi, bud, trust me, that’s… I’ve been doing this for months now, it’s not what happened to you back at home-”

“Besides, I don’t have any issues with you or Kokichi. I don’t need to go.”

Kaito...clenched his fists in his lap a bit and said, “I… I mean…”

“Oh…” Kokichi softly murmured. And...it was pretty fair. At least they’d both been able to find personal therapists, and hopefully by sorting through some of their personal issues, it had helped their relationship, but...it wasn’t the same as going to a counsellor and being able to talk through their relationship specifically. 

The relationship between the three of them. 

Kokichi raised an eyebrow at Shuuichi. “...do you just not believe us about therapy? Do you think we’re willingly going by twice a week each to get ourselves brainwashed?”

“... I think… technically? Yes.” Shuuichi said, his body stiffening. “Maybe it’s conditioning that doesn’t… hurt in any way. And created more positive patterns of behavior. But it’s still just giving your brain over to someone to be changed.”

“It’s… okay, I get where you’re coming from, but in practice, it’s not actually like that.” Kaito insisted, not really sure how to describe it, but knowing that it was different. “It’s, uh… like, instead of forcing you to do stuff, it’s like more just… making you conscious of what you do?”

“Kaito, you spend a considerable amount of time petting a rock now instead of getting angry.”

“I… yes? I don’t think that contradicts what I just said…”

“It’s conditioning to make you act in a specific way, regardless of if it’s sensible or not.”

“No! It just makes me stop to think about things…” Kaito ran a hand over his face, before saying, “What if you sat in one of my therapy sessions? It’s hard to describe why it’s different when all you see me do is polish when I’m upset, but there’s a whole… like, purpose and thought process to it. You can see it for yourself.”

“...I’m not entirely against that. But there’s nothing about myself I want to change.” Shuuichi said again, frowning, “I’m fine. I don’t need it.”

“Yes, but… I’m… not fine…”

“You just said this wasn’t because you’re unhappy… so, what, we need to go to marriage counseling to fix me!?”

“That’s not how I meant it!”

Kokichi nodded gently, seeing Shuuichi’s perspective. And there were forms of therapy out there that, more or less, was what he was describing...but that wasn’t what general therapy was, or even for something like anger management. Maybe Shuuichi sitting in on a session would help him with that concern…

But the issue of relationship counselling was a bit different. 

...Shuuichi had been lying when he said he didn’t have any issues with him or Kaito. 

“Shuu-chan...marriage counselling is different from personal therapy. It doesn’t focus on a person, at least to start with. It focuses on the relationships between people. Without being able to see those relationships, there’s not a lot that can be observed and discussed. Neither Kai-chan nor I can read your mind, after all.” Kokichi sighed softly, playing with the hem of his shirt. “It’s...not about you. It’s about the relationship between me and Kai-chan, him and you, me and you, and the three of us together. There might be things that one of us can focus on individually but...that is a ‘way down the road’ kind of thing.”

“...we met six months ago. Kai-chan and I were married before we even decided we wanted to date. We all got to the point of deciding to date each other, but then got the news that we have a kid on the way, and even if we’re excited for her, it is very fast. We can be happy, but also struggling to...process and be a part of all this, and if one of us is struggling, which I am, then it’s affecting our relationship as a whole. Counselling is supposed to help.”

Kokichi sighed again, deeper, looking almost...drained. “...I don’t know how romantic relationships work, and the fact that we’ve managed something that makes us happy, and that we love each other is...incredible. But I have no idea how to manage all the parts of my life. I know that puts strain on you guys. We all have buttons that make us lash out, and we’re kind of awful at handling those situations when they come up. We need some help…”

“Yeah… and, like, handsome, I don’t… I’m not trying to complain, I just… we… we fight a lot lately…”

Shuuichi’s eyes narrowed, before he hissed out, “Well, that’s because I’m so grumpy, right!?”

Kaito’s brow furrowed, a frustrated look on his face… before he sighed and said stiffly, “...do you wanna take a second and try saying that again, handsome?”

Shuuichi stiffened, grasping his hands into fists… before he let out a little huff of air. Lowering his cap over his eyes a bit before he said, after a moment of thinking about it, “...you wanna get marriage counseling because I’m difficult to talk to?”

Kaito’s shoulders slumped, “No, handsome… it’s like Kokichi said. We’re all new at this. It’s been… a hell of a roller coaster. And even though we’re in one of our high’s right now, we’ve all seen how bad the lows can get, and I just… I feel like I’m not prepared for the next time things get bad. Your Kaito feels a little… overwhelmed, sometimes. I need help. And considering how much the anger management stuff has helped, I just… I wanna give group counseling a shot.”

That was one problem they had managed to sort out together, but...maybe it was just his Dicean upbringing, but Kokichi couldn’t help thinking that maybe it wouldn’t have gotten to that point if they’d gone to counselling earlier. 

Nodding in agreement with Kaito, Kokichi spoke up again. “I think we’re actually pretty good at sorting things out when we talk… And I know between the two of us, Shuu-chan has expressed his feelings in a way that we’ve managed to work things out. Even for some of my personal issues, Shuu-chan’s insight is something I really value. Counselling and...therapy in general, really, is just supposed to give you the tools to keep working things out. So we don’t find ourselves stuck and left with just...a horrible, ‘is this the end’ sort of feeling…”

Kokichi’s face tightened and he glanced over Kaito’s way, giving him a loving, but knowing look. “It would be nice if we had the tools to fix things before they even get to that point too… We’ve all been through a lot, and relationships are hard and take a lot of work. Having someone to give us the tools and advice to make it a little easier is...something I’d appreciate.”

“...I’d really like it if I don’t end up having another night where I almost die after screaming at you, hun. I really don’t like those.”

Shuuichi looked alarmed at the last line. “What?”

Kaito winced, before just sort of… massaging his face, running his palm over his eyes as he said, “I mean, yeah… I’d love for it to never get to that point again. Ideally. But if it does, I’d also like a gameplan that isn’t just… pushing you and shutting down… I go over that night all the time in my head and I still don’t fucking know what I should have done…”

“What?”

“Do you remember that like… when Kokichi was outside too long and got that cold? That night was… maybe tougher than it looked on the outside.” Kaito tried to explain to Shuuichi, trying to be careful how he explained it. Not wanting to give away information Kokichi might prefer people not know, and not wanting Shuuichi to blame himself for the, as far as Kaito understood it, a conversation that had sent Kokichi off to kill himself in the first place.

...there was still a lot about that day that Kaito didn’t really know about. He and Kokichi had never discussed the Memorial garden past the next day. Talking about it felt like inviting bad luck back into their lives.

Kaito had never talked to Shuuichi about learning about the Kaede conspiracy either, now that he thought about it. Shuuichi knew he knew. But they had managed to exchange all that information without actually… talking about it. What had Kaito done instead…

Oh. Right. He had gotten into an argument with Hideki, went and gotten wasted by himself, and decided it was easier to blame mean old men for his problems than let himself seriously look at his family in that moment and ask them difficult questions.

...ngh…

Kokichi nodded softly. “We’ve both already improved more than we were then. You were dealing with a lot, sweets...I don’t blame you.”

Sighing, he looked over at Shuuichi. “I think I told you guys that I’d just kind of...shut down. I wandered out to the Memorial Garden on the other side of town and sat there for...I think we figured it was somewhere around five hours before Kai-chan found me. By the time we made it to Seiko’s she said I was going hypothermic. I don’t even think that’s one of the worst ways I’ve tried to kill myself, though...the circumstances kind of make it that…”

Kokichi’s face pinched in before he gave Kaito an apologetic look. “...sorry. I know you don’t like hearing about stuff like that… I really am happier now, and I haven’t had suicidal thoughts in a long time. Things have gotten better.”

Kaito’s face darkened… before he groaned and rubbed both temples with both hands as he said, “Yeah, see, that stuff? Stuff like that? I don’t know what to say. I… I know I shouldn’t… punch anyone. Because that’s not the way to go about it-”

Shuuichi rolled his eyes. No kidding.

“-but like… I don’t know if… fucking begging you to just not be suicidal is… like, I say that outloud, and I’m, just, oh. Yeah. That’s also not the right way to react. And I just… how do I react?”

“You just listen, Kaito. You offer support. I don’t understand why you’re confused, you know how to offer general support.” Shuuichi sighed, “Why, when it comes to suicide, do you suddenly forget how to be a good listener?”

“Because it freaks me out! Because how do I save you guys from yourselves!? I don’t… if I fuck up, do you die!? Is that what just happens!? I say something wrong, and you both just die!? …. Fuck, sorry. Fuck.” Kaito groaned, burying his face in his hands, “I… this is exactly what I’m talking about. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do. And sometimes I feel like there’s just… so little room for error with you guys… this all feels so fragile. I just want to be better at communicating with you guys and supporting you and not… not feeling like I’m going to fall apart doing it…”

Shuuichi narrowed his eyes at Kaito again… before looking at Kokichi. His expression more uncertain as he said, “...you almost died after that conversation with me and Maki?” He frowned. “...we hurt you that badly?”

Kokichi scooted off the bed and over to Kaito, giving his arm a hug just...because it felt like Kaito needed it. Just like how it had been nice talking openly about suicidal thoughts with someone who also had them--Shuuichi--there had been...a weight off Kokichi’s chest that came from his conversations with his therapist. Someone who wasn’t suicidal, and wasn’t going to commiserate with him, but...who he could speak openly to and talk about what those feelings meant and how to process them and how to...live. 

They had agreed that the rhetoric of suicide being selfish was hit or miss depending on the person, but that for some it could just be a guilt trip they didn’t need. But the fact of the matter was that every person’s life affected at least some others. And even before the idea of Kokichi’s death, just him being suicidal was...such a strain on everyone who loved him. And Kokichi had seen that from Kaito but...after talking about it in therapy, it felt like he understood his husband’s anger more. 

So, he was making an effort to make dark jokes less, to think less about worst case scenarios as a ‘guess I’ll die’ sort of reaction. Kokichi needed the space to talk about the incidents in the past, and the feelings he had, but...that’s what therapy was for. He didn’t need to hurt his husband more than just letting him know that this was a part of his life. Hopefully, one that would all be in the past. 

Sighing, Kokichi nodded. “Seiko said that if I had been out there much longer, I might’ve contracted pneumonia. I’ve survived it before but...it’s really hard for my body to fight off. Anything that has to do with my lungs, I’m gonna be at a huge disadvantage.”

“And...it wasn’t you guys…” Kokichi sighed again and ran a hand through his hair, resting it on his neck. “I was just...dumb and thinking of things in the worst possible way and… I’ve been really idyllic in how I think about people, I think, for a long time. There had been other instances but...that was a bit of a jarring awakening for me, I think. I just...shut down, instead of trying to think it through all the way. And I hurt all of you in the process.”

“...idyllic?” Kaito asked, just, entirely unable to place the word for some reason. Looking sheepishly at Shuuichi.

“He’s saying his world view was extremely peaceful. Happy. Picturesque.” Shuuichi explained, thankfully his vision not tunneling. 

Kaito nodded, a little embarrassed. “Right, thanks… couldn’t place it for the life of me.”

Kaito, tempted by Kokichi’s proximity, gave into temptation and nabbed his husband, pulling him in close and holding him to his chest, sighing into his hair. “...look, I’ll do the process of finding someone, okay? Someone who comes recommended or something. I’ll ask Miss Crystal. Shuuichi, you can come with me to my next appointment, see how this actually plays out. And we’ll… we’ll just try it, okay? There’s no harm in trying it, and it might really help. Can we agree on that? Just trying it?”

Shuuichi looked uncomfortable… before saying, “I can quit if I want too?”

“Literally any time. In the middle of the session,if you want to.” Kaito promised, looking tired, though he gave Shuuichi a small smile, “Give us twenty minutes in one session as a starting point, and then you can decide from there how much you want to commit to it. Please?”

“... yes,  suppose I could give it twenty minutes...”

-

The only reason it wasn’t an entirely white void, was that there were thin, white borders, suggesting that the white void around him was a box.

This was false. If you walked to the ‘wall’ that the white lines suggested, you would find you could walk easily right past it. And keep going. And going. And it would not take very long for you to find that you’ve circled right back to the ‘room’, entering from the other ‘wall’. It was a little trippy to do that, but not nearly as trippy as when you looked up, at the ‘ceiling’... and could just start walking towards that one. The ceiling the new ‘wall’, based on your new perspective, that still followed all the same rules.

Sou was leaning back in a simple chair that was, like the walls, merely an outline impression of a chair, his legs up on a similarly styled table. He, and the elaborate, model recreation of the manor and its surrounding land, was the only thing detailed, and in color.

Sou was tilting the chair back, looking at a small, wooden, paint colored impression of his wife, Princess Kaede Momota. Scowling at it slightly as he lightly twirled it around his fingers. Thinking.

A blurry figure shivered slightly, honestly feeling a little motion sick by the ever-repeating environment. Huh...so he could get motion sick…

...it had taken Kokichi a moment to realize where he was, what he was doing. Feeling a bit nervous, actually, when he realized...this was it. He’d ended up in someone’s consciousness by accident, the exact thing that Alter Ego had been training him for… A person calling out for help. 

While Kokichi didn’t recognize the green-haired man, him and the...dollhouse? The only colored things in here, he thought better, and kept his blurry, indistinct form. He wasn’t sure if the people he’d helped would remember when they woke up, but...it was safer for everyone this way. 

Quietly, Kokichi walked up to the man and the dollhouse, seeing the little doll in the man’s hands. Crouching down, Kokichi rested his...what would look kind of like a chin, he supposed, on the barely-there table, a small flash of color bursting on the table before it faded again when he made contact. 

“...what are you playing? There’s a lot of room for creativity here.”

“I’m actually designing a game for someone else.” Sou replied instantly, briefly glancing at the figure before returning to look at the stumpy, wooden doll. “A murder mystery game… I think.”

Sou frowned at the doll… before murmuring, less certainly, “Maybe.”

“Oo!” Kokichi awed, peering a little closer at the dollhouse, trying to see if there were cool little tabs and levers for secret passages and overly-complicated traps. “You really have to be in the right mood for them, but I love reading murder mysteries! I read a pretty new one, actually, filled with all sorts of twists and turns… Like, there were beats that were pretty stereotypical, and just when you had it all figured out, it turned out that the obvious parts were just crazy coincidences. I won’t tell you the title, so I won’t spoil anything, but the craziest part was that it turned out no one had died at all!”

Finally turning his attention away from the dollhouse, the blurry figure tilted its head at the man. “...so, you’re a game designer? That’s really cool! I bet it’s really satisfying, seeing everyone have fun and figure out the puzzle you made for them. It’s just like...cooking a big meal, and seeing everyone’s smiles as they can’t stop themselves from scarfing down what you made, going for seconds too.”

“Mmm… yeah. That’s a… nice way of looking at it… it’s all a game. Something to make me smile… eventually...” Sou hummed, still considering the wooden doll… before looking into the manor house again with a small, worried stare. Gently placing the wooden doll in the backyard gardens, next to the tall rosebushes. “I’m designing the other part of the murder mystery. The bit leading up to the murder. Though, admittedly I have to design it in a way where the second half of it isn’t obvious either. But I’ll deal with that bit next.” 

Sou seemed to consider this, before nodding, saying entirely to himself. “Yes. Don’t rush. There’s no need to hurry… you have time… be clever. The odds are stacked against you, don’t give yourself any more disadvantages by trying to hurry.”

To the wall to the right, at first bleeding into the landscape like a watercolor painting, before solidifying into a solid thing, a beautiful flower garden with a tall, spiked, lightly tan colored brick wall around the garden in the distance, and the vague, dim impression of a manor building a backdrop to the garden, all of this hovering in the void. 

Sou frowned at the landscape before looking at the figure. “...would you mind playing her? It might help to have someone else see the puzzle from her perspective. Maybe see some aspects of it I haven't accounted for.”

“You’re planning the murder? Doesn’t...that make you the murderer? The game isn’t so much fun for them...but I suppose that if you’ve planned to kill someone, you’ve already given up on fun altogether…” Kokichi frowned a bit, his whole figure dimming in a gloom of regret…

But he walked over to the--honestly, quite beautiful--garden without fuss. He wasn’t...exactly sure what he was doing. This wasn’t the concentrated puzzle-solving that he’d practiced with Alter Ego, but it felt...right. To just openly talk, but go along with the person here. 

Kokichi looked around the garden, always uplifted by seeing nature, though the guard wall gave him pause. “...why’s there a wall here? I know people who have gates or small fencing around their gardens but...with something this grand...shouldn’t it be open for more people to enjoy?”

“The whole manors a fortress,” Sou murmured, adjusting his scarf slightly, still chilly even in the heat of the garden. His hands ached, and he pulled his hoodie sleeves down to protect the joints. He had tried dressing more nicely, when he first got here, to match his new station in life, but… well, he was stuck inside all the time anyway. Eventually he had asked for warmer, more comfortable clothes, and they had been delivered to his room an hour later.

...that was something, at least. He was never denied any request for any items. He had kept that in mind. He had been preparing. 

The flower he had requested to be allowed to grow in the garden was the Desparatonios flower, or, otherwise known as The Weeping Lover flower. It had beautiful white petals that grew upwards like lily’s, and most astoundingly about its visuals, was that the stem and veins that snaked its way through the flower petals were silver, the roots themselves silver, which grew strong. Deep. 

Sou didn’t dare wait for the flower to pollinate, as it would in the summer. Over time, if left alone, the roots would grow, and grow, and strangle the rest of the garden, those silver roots greedily taking all the soil for itself. Given more time, small, puffy fungi would sprout from the roots of this Weeping Lover.

Over enough time, this flower alone could lead to the deaths of hundreds.

...but Sou wasn’t crazy. He had been astounded Rantaro had even managed to get the little flower from Danganronpa, the indentured housekeeper apparently either efficient enough to not consider it a chore, or maybe the bastard trying to ‘make it up’ to Sou by getting him the things he asked for. Sou didn’t know, and he didn’t care. Once its job was done, he’s dig it out by the roots and burn it. He wouldn’t let it grow.

But Sou wasn’t an expert on poisons. He literally only knew of this one flower. He had to make this gamble.

Looking at the wall, Sou continued, mostly talking to himself, “...getting out is the next puzzle. Maybe it’ll be as simple as walking out the front door… maybe the safer way is to stay. I don’t know. I don’t know yet… one step at a time.”

In this version of the scenario, he’s already taken some of the petals and crushed them into paste. He’s cake the paste, white and thin, onto the palm of his left hand. He just needs to touch their cups. Just once. Either or both. Once will be enough. It has to be. 

Sou then looked over at Kokichi… and his entire mannerism changed. His face softening, a soft, warm smile as he looked at Kokichi, somewhat shyly, as he said, “Thanks for agreeing to take tea with me out here… I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

Kokichi, in turn, would feel his body start to react to Sou’s pressure, his consciousness trying to morph him. Make him taller. Blond hair falling over his shoulders. A nice dress. Pink, friendly eyes.

The figure dimmed again, more of a forlorn feeling this time. “...homes shouldn’t be a prison. It makes you feel so hopeless...like everyone around you is either an enemy or complicit. Not having anyone around that you trust, that you believe in, that you love...it makes you wonder what the point of you even being alive is… The world will remain even after we’re gone so...what makes us matter is our connections to other people.”

Kokichi looked at the oppressive wall, wishing he could just knock it down, but this wasn’t like… Like… (Absently, he felt a strain in his arms, a rasp in his throat from yelling. He crossed his arms over his blurry chest, trying to ease the pain, even if it was only a phantom.)

...well, it wouldn’t help here. He couldn’t knock down the real wall, and changing the perception wouldn’t change the reality of it. 

Seeming a bit surprised to be taller, Kokichi looked over at the man, knowing that...he was trying to set up a murder, likely for the person he was envisioning on Kokichi now. But...he didn’t know who that person was. 

...Kokichi frowned. “...has it really come to this last resort? No hope for anything else? ...what are you going to do if you succeed? Where will you go? Who will be willing to help you? Would they be willing to stand by you against those who would be grieving over this person?”

“...can you really bring yourself to kill another person?”

Sou frowned, disturbed to hear those words out of his wife’s voice. Shifting uncomfortably, Sou adjusted his scarf before looking away from her, saying sullenly, “If you don’t want to help, then just leave. I don’t need you… I don’t need anyone. I can do this alone… I have to… I have to...”

“...what’s the point of doing anything if you’re alone?”

Kokichi slumped, oddly straight, long blond hair falling over his shoulders. “Being alone...is the worst. But...I also believe that death isn’t an answer. I thought...once…”

He sighed, sitting down on a little pathway in the garden, pulling a too large for one person blanket over his shoulders. It really was weirdly cold… “...someone made a case to me once, that things would be better if people died. I didn’t want to believe it...but for a little bit...I did. Because of them, people were suffering… More than I could ever imagine. I cannot abide by that...and I thought the decision was...all on my shoulders. That the thing keeping people in suffering was my indecision...my tender heart not wanting to believe an ugly truth…”

“...I can’t even stress to you how wrong I was.”

Kokichi looked back at the man, the blanket not beckoning, but open if he chose to sit by Kokichi on the cushions on the path. “For one, it wasn’t in my hands at all, but that wasn’t the big point. I ended up confiding in someone else, not even really trying to seek their help...and knowing that I was even considering it almost...I almost lost everything…”

“And in that shock… I realized how narrow my perspective was. That there were...countless other factors and people involved. And while I could not allow those people to continue inflicting suffering on others...there were other ways to achieve that goal, then inflicting harm and suffering on some just to free others. Life isn’t a zero sum game unless you refuse to see the problem in its fullest.”

“...I want to help you. It’s why I’m here. But I’m not going to help you throw yourself right into another problem. Especially one that...you might not be able to come back from…”

Sou stared down at her… before narrowing his eyes. Scowling. Thin, weak hands gripping against themselves as tightly as they could.

“I’m already in a problem I might not be able to come back from. I’m trying to save myself.”

Suddenly, around Kaede, iron bars shot up from the ground and circled around her, a small, caged dome forming above and around her. Scowling at his tormentor, who fuckng dared to compare her situation to his own-- because Sou had, by this point, lost track that the figure wasn’t quite Kaede, the metaphor of the thought process confusing him now--, the thin man stomped his foot against the cage, and as he pushed at it, it became smaller and smaller around her.

“And, what!? Deciding whether or not you’re going to bother to ‘save’ the masses is the equivalent of me trying to save my own life? Suggest that it’s, what, short-sighted of me to harm someone to free myself!? I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS!”

Sou kicked the cage again, and it became even tinier. Threatening to press against her skin as he shouted down at her, “I WAS FORCED INTO THIS! YOUR STUPID, SELF GRANDOISING BULLSHIT IS GOING TO GET ME KILLED! THEY’RE GOING TO EXECUTE ME RIGHT ALONGSIDE YOU! WHAT!? I DON’T DESERVE A CHANCE TO LIVE!? YOUR LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MINE!?”

As Sou kicked the cage again, a cat watched from a tree. Golden eyes wide. Tail flicking.

{Need help?}

Kokichi’s eyes widened as the man blew up and a cage appeared around him. It was...uncomfortable, but Kokichi wasn’t really worried about the cage itself. If worse came to worst, he could get out of it but...he didn’t want to disrupt the man’s mind too much. The only thing scarier than being in an awful situation was realizing you were no longer the master of your own mind. 

But...the things the man was saying was much scarier, and he didn’t quite...understand…

“Of course it’s short-sighted to harm someone else to free yourself, if you’re just going to get yourself killed right after. Then all you’ve done is double the pain in the world… No one’s life is worth more than anyone else’s. We’re all equal, even if some idiots try to claim otherwise…” Kokichi softly groused, trying to think… What the hell would he have done unconsciously?! How can he help someone whose most pressing problem isn’t in their mind?!

...execution?

He blinked, hunching into himself to try and not let the cage press against him. {...I think so…}

“THAT’S WHY I’M TRYING TO PLAN IT! I DON’T WANT TO DIE!”

Alter Ego cocked their head a bit, tail flicking, thinking about it… forcing the dream to be different was a bad idea. Not because it would wake him up, but because the man wasn’t asleep. It’d confuse or frighten him, to feel like he was losing his grips on his thoughts while he was trying to plan a murder, and was frustrated as his ‘concious’ kept trying to interrupt him. Hmmm…

Quickly, Alter Ego went searching for someone the man would listen to. Someone he respected. Maybe someone he feared…

He found a half-formed memory and pulled at it.

“Losing your temper? Heh… and you consider yourself a strategian.” 

A dark green haired man, taller, stronger, but still eerily like Sou, and smiling calmly, walked out of the garden. Sou shivered, and immediately backed up, pulling his scarf over his mouth and staring warily at the man, as the man went to the cage and, tsking, waved his hand, dismissing it. 

He offered the… princess? The figure wearing her face a hand up. “I apologize on his behalf. He is nowhere near as calm or resourceful as he wishes he was, and I’m afraid he’s taking that out on you.”

“...it’s not fair. I-I don’t stand a chance… I didn’t do anything wrong, but I’m still going to die because of a bunch of other peoples choices… I’m not wrong for wanting to save my own life. My life isn’t any less valuable, just because I’m weak…” Sou scowled, glaring daggers at the other man as he said, “I’m going to live. I’m going to get out of here… I’ll be just as strong as you...”

The other man chuckled. “Sure.”

Kokichi looked between the two men in confusion, not getting the sense that they were...like, twins, or anything, but a little shocked by how similar they looked. Sighing softly as the cage disappeared, Kokichi accepted the hand up, not wanting to be rude, even to a memory. 

But...this was about the smaller man. So while Kokichi mentally sent his thanks to Alter Ego, he sighed. “...I’m...sorry, I don’t know your name, but...your life is valuable. It’s precious and irreplaceable. By virtue of being alive, you’re important, and any sense of worth that other people tout, what they think strength is…” he rolled his eyes a little, “...all of that is bullshit. You’re a person, you deserve life. That’s all there is to it.”

Kokichi...could look through memories to try and find it, but getting a more abstract answer than what a simple scene could answer… 

“...the most dire thing. Who’s going to kill you? Talk out the process to me, because I don’t understand. I won’t understand your hunches either.”

Alter Ego glanced back and forth between the two green haired men, seeing the smug ease in the taller one and the nervous, anxious shifting of the other one, and decided that since the consciousness seemed to have calmed down now, maybe it was best to get rid of this memory. 

...it was incredibly creepy when the man seemed to look up at the cat just as he had decided to dismiss it, and smiled knowingly at them, before disappearing.

Sou looked around, mildly surprised to see the memory was gone… but quickly accepted it, his consciousness adjusting to the new conditions as he sighed, feeling down and defeated, inadequate in comparison to the ‘real’ Sou as he muttered to himself, walking out of the garden and back to the white room, “Okay… I’ll go over the circumstances. Maybe there is something I’m missing.”

The Kaede image around the figure dropped as Sou left the garden, the garden itself not fading away, leaving nothing but the white void, Sou sighing tiredly as he went to go sit at the table again, looking miserably at the manor model, waiting for the figure to follow.

Alter Ego, no longer having a tree to enjoy, jumped down next to Kokichi, before saying, “Sorry I followed you without saying anything. Felt a power shift from you, and when I saw where you were, I wanted to give you a chance to do this on your own, but… this man feels like he’s at his wits end. I think anything could set him off, by this point. Can you feel that?”

Alter Ego looked around the white void, and said to Kokichi, “Be still for a moment. Pretend like you’re a part of the environment. Just for a moment…”

When Kokichi did that, not as strongly as the feeling actually was in reality, but diluted, Kokichi would be able to feel… 

Frustration.

Hopelessness.

Mortal, abject terror.

Sou was terrified. Absolutely scared out of his mind. The white void a thin mask for how wildly out of control his feelings were. He was so scared he was losing his mind.

The man looked fretfully at the miniature garden, still waiting for them, but picked up the little blond, wooden doll. Fitfully playing with it in his hands again.

Kokichi went to go follow after the man, but paused when Alter Ego came to his side, bending his knees a bit to give the cat a friendly pet. “I appreciate it… It’s kind of...hard to know what to do when I don’t know what I’ve been doing before. Now that I’m aware of it, I feel kind of bad being here...but if I ended up here, then it means that he asked for help and...I can’t abandon him…”

“...it...doesn’t seem like he has anyone else.”

Kokichi looked over sadly at the man. He’d been able to feel the hopelessness, and from his words and actions he could feel some of his fear too, but...he swallowed, paling a bit at that...horrible terror. The kind of thing that could drive people to desperate measures…

He didn’t wait too much longer before joining the man in the white room. And...maybe just remembering how he felt in that terror, Kokichi reached out to put the gentlest hand on the man’s arm. “...I’m rooting for you, you know? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you...so let’s go slow, and figure this out. You’re not alone.”

...maybe it was just the sort of thing that would comfort Kokichi if he was that afraid. But he couldn’t keep himself from offering that aid and comfort to someone else.

Sou gave Kokichi a nervous, startled look… before muttering, “Thanks…”

Looking back to the doll, Sou considered it… before sighing. Throwing it in the air in Kokichi’s direction, it floating in place. Putting his hand out, several more dolls floated out of the miniature home, most coming from outside of it, as if the miniature was actually larger, and not all quite in view. Most of the dolls were just blank, wooden figurines with blank eyes and a title etched into their chest. Only two of the other figurines actually painted and clearly individuals. One blond with blue eyes, the other with light green hair and similarly matched eyes.

“...where do I even start?” Sou sighed, adjusting the beanie cap on his head. 

“Two years ago I was sent from my home to marry Princess Momota.” Sou decided to start there, gesturing to the female doll, which ‘danced’ slightly, its base wiggling as it twirled. “I was sent from a noble family in Kimigashine, the cousins of the royal family, at the request of Queen Sara. She wanted a Chidouin niece or nephew in the Momota family to ensure future trade negotiations would have the royal family in mind… thankfully, my darling wife seems less than eager to produce an heir.” Sou scowled. “Thank the gods for small miracles. I think I’d vomit if that woman tried to touch me now.”

“It took me a few months by ship to make it to the happy day of my wedding, and it was a difficult, dangerous journey. I’m not the most… sturdy individual. I considered myself lucky to make it. I actually… had a lot of hope when I got here. I was marrying a princess… I’d be a Prince-Consort. I’d be taken care of. Protected. I’d never go hungry again… how could it go wrong?”

Sou rolled his eyes, “Literally the first day I was here, I realized I was doomed. King Byakuya took me aside and immediately told me he knew my secret, and unless I wanted war between the countries, I’d report to him everything and anything about Princess Kaede. Immediately making me an enemy to my brand new wife, who I had had maybe one and a half conversations with by that point. Great! Wonderful!”

Kokichi settled down to listen to the man’s story, only for his eyes to widen as he realized...exactly whose head he was in. Kaede’s husband…

...Kaede’s husband who was...teetering at the edge of despair, trapped in a prison that looked like a house, and expecting his own death. Someone...whose life had ended when they got married…

Kokichi’s blurry form turned a deep blue in horrible empathy. This man was...living the worst of Kokichi’s fears. 

“...why is it always fucking Byakuya?” Kokichi sighed, not without derision. “Always treating people like toys, always declaring war… I’ve refused to accept his death, but I really hope the revolution manages to finally knock some sense into his moldy brain…”

...something about what the man said didn’t sit right with Kokichi though. “...if Queen Chidouin wanted her bloodline in the Momota family...then why are you here, though?”

Sou shrugged, looking tired and nervous now, “...it was bad luck. A lot of bad luck, over and over again. My father left my mother when she got pregnant with me and… look, long story short, I was in a really bad place when I was sixteen, and the prince… I had collapsed and he saw me from his carriage. He came out and literally pulled me out of the gutter. It was… it was like something out of a children's story. Or maybe some trashy romance novel.. I thought I was saved…”

Sou scoffed. Rolling his eyes. “Turns out Prince Sou is the kind of asshole who sees some half dead kid who looks a little bit like himself and thinks ‘that’s hilarious’. He took me home and just kept me around as some weird amusement to him. Good luck ended up being bad luck…”

“Then, he told me he was being sent to marry someone, but he didn’t feel like doing it. He had other…” Sou scowled darkly, “‘hobbies’ that moving to Luminary would take him away from. Games he had to design… he’s an ‘actual’ game master. I’m just… I’m just doing my best to get into his headspace.” Sou admitted, looking warily at the miniature house. “It’s a lot harder than I wish it was.”

“But, anyway, he tells me, you’re going to go marry Princess Kaede. And I think to myself… oh! This is it! This is finally my bit of good luck! No way Princess Kaede would turn out to be another psycho! I could escape Prince Sou, go literally across the ocean, and start my life over again with every resource in the world! Good luck! Finally!”

Sou gave the figure a somewhat sarcastic look, smiling sickly, “And you already know how that turned out.”

“But, it got worse. King Byakuya isn’t the only psycho Momota. She’s… she’s insane! She screams at me randomly, locks me in a room in the basement, randomly! I know why she does it, now, at least, though it did take me over a year to figure it out. She wanted to get me used to it first, so I’d stop questioning it, and now she sends me down there when she has her stupid fucking revolutionaries over… but then she also does it when they’re not coming over, because she knows I’ve figured it out, and she doesn’t want me, if I’m captured by King Byakuya, to be able to tell her roughly the timeframes she has the meetings at… which I would tell him, if he could manage to apprehend me. I don’t owe this bitch anything. For sanctuary, I’d trade any secret of hers I have… if I actually had any. She keeps me on such tight house arrest, I’ve literally never met anyone outside of her, the housekeeper, and the King. The barebones staff aren’t allowed to go in the same rooms or hallways as me, and I can’t seek them out, because the fucking housekeeper is always watching…”

“...” Sou sighed. “This isn’t helping. This is just depressing me. Look, none of it matters. Kaede’s stupid revolution is going to fall apart around her, they’re going to execute her for conspiring against the crown, and they’re going execute me for conspiracy as well, since I was of no use to the king ad I have no secrets to save myself... or they’ll lock me up in prison forever. Or they’ll send me back to Prince Sou… there’s no good outcome… I’m doomed any way you look at it...”

Kokichi scowled. Why… Why didn’t any other leader give a single flying fuck about PROTECTING THE PEOPLE THEY WERE SWORN TO?!?!? WHY WAS IT THAT they were always, fucking, hoarding wealth that left people starving in streets and playing with people and causing untold suffering for NO FUCKING REASON?!?!? That they never actually cared about making things better for the people who put their trust in them?! 

WHAT WAS THE POINT OF A LEADER THAT KILLED THEIR PEOPLE?!?!?

The blurry form was shaking in rage, a bright, searing carmine red. 

And yet, Kokichi managed to grit out between his teeth, the tone surprisingly even, not wanting to direct his rage at the man. “...it’s not Kaede’s revolution. It’s the people’s. And Byakuya, the dunderhead, is going to have to start listening at some point, because the revolution has taken a bargaining piece he can’t ignore. The Luminous people are refusing to suffer under their cowardly, inept usurpers any longer, and they’re refusing to be enslaved.”

“It will not crumble, because they are Luminary. But it is not Kaede’s, and it is not yours, a prisoner of everyone you’ve met.”

Kokichi let out a hot huff, even the air bright red. This was...dangerous. But he couldn’t bear to leave this man in the gallows. 

“...if you get the opportunity...seek asylum in Dicea. Talk to Maki Harukawa. She’s close with Kaede but...she doesn’t leave people in their prisons. If you can make a brilliant plan to put your efforts in...talk to her. You deserve a life.”

Sou sighed… reaching out a grabbing the Kaede doll, pulling it close. “Yeah… some brilliant plan… full of those…”

Looking miserably at the figurine, he said softly, “You know, I came here entirely ready to love her. Or, at least, I was ready to pretend… was it because I lied about Byakuya talking to me? If I had told her, would she have at least tried to work with me? ...maybe not. Maybe it was always going to be like this…”

Sou’s shoulders slumped. A tired, defeated look on his face. “...Maki Harukawa, huh. I don’t know why that name sounds familiar...didn’t that red head prince always have some girl following around him before he left… she left with him, I think…”

Alter Ego’s tail flicked. {There must be something more we can do for this person.}

...there was still no hope in this person. Just...a glum curiosity. The kind of thing that you thought, well, might as well look into because I’m already doomed!

...but a personal regret?

Kokichi chewed his lip, the red in his form fading as he thought. He’d...been able to do it before...but he didn’t know how. And this man wasn’t sleeping...was Kaede even sleeping? Would...it hurt someone if they were awake during it?

Glancing guiltily over at Alter Ego, Kokichi gently asked the man, “...if you could ask her, without any of the pretences of her...randomly lashing out at you, and you not trying to keep your cards… If you two could talk openly...would you want that?”

Sou’s shoulders slumped, a look of almost self-deprecating unease radiating off him, as if he had thought of something that made him feel guilty and foolish. “... course I would want that. I wanted that with my father, I wanted it with that damn apartment manager, I wanted it with Prince Sou, King Byakuya… I’ve wanted it with her. There’s always a part of me that thinks ‘maybe I could just talk to them. Maybe they’ll understand’... but they won’t. No one ever does. It just makes me weaker… what if I give away something they didn’t already know, and they use it against me? I can’t trust anyone…”

Alter Ego’s tail twitched… before he looked up at Kokichi. “I can’t make him any offers. He won’t be able to hear me. He’ll assume I’m meowing. But… what if we could guarantee to him that if the conversation doesn’t go well, she won’t remember it? Then there’s no risk to him, nothing will change. But if it goes well… it will be like a muscle memory. Non-empaths who have conversations with each other are pretty rare, but because of one of your old accidents, I looked into the effects of it, and having a conversation in their consciousness almost always results in the two attempting to have that same conversation in the real world, in the same way. Like their trying to fix their reality to match the version they know in their minds. If it goes well? It really could make a world of difference.”

Kokichi scowled. “Wanting to be open and talk never is a sign of weakness. It makes you stronger than the people who would take advantage of you could ever imagine. Unfortunately, life isn’t a storybook, and cruel people aren’t always punished...but kindness is a strength people take note of. You can build a much better home from it. Never be ashamed for wanting to believe in the best of people.”

It...was a reasonable concern though, especially for the prince-consort’s position. Kindness didn’t have a very good place to flourish in Luminary’s nobility. 

But thankfully, Alter Ego had a solution, even if it was one that...Kokichi wasn’t totally comfortable with. But it was a risk he was willing to take for the man before him. 

Sighing, trying to let go of the last bit of tension still in him, Kokichi put that gentle hand on the man’s arm again. “...if I can promise that if the conversation doesn’t go well, and it looks like Kaede would try to use your words to hurt you, that she won’t remember it? Nothing put at risk for you? Then...would you want to try?”

“And…” Kokichi glanced down at Alter Ego, trying to convey the knowledge his mentor had given him while simultaneously absorbing it for himself. “...if it goes well...it’s not going to be like you just had this conversation. It’s not going to...magically fix everything. But it can give you two the chance to fix things later. To give you the peace of mind, potentially, to know that you’re both making a good faith effort.”

“...I know you don’t have any reason to trust in this, but I’m offering it anyway. I don’t know you...but I care about you, and I want you to be happy and healthy and safe… That’s my plea.”

Sou watched as the figure looked down at… a cat? Was there always a cat there? Sternly, nodding slightly as it meowed incessantly at him, before looking back up at him and…

Sou snickered. Raising an eyebrow at the figure. “You care about me? Heh…” but then he frowned. Looking mildly disturbed. Uncertain. “...why would you say that? ...what a strange thing to say…”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, clearly something in him… wanting to believe in the figure. His mind had screamed out for help for a reason. He felt so alone. So overwhelmed and helpless and like anything he did was going to just make it worse, but knowing he couldn’t live like this anymore. He… he desperately wanted to put his trust in someone. Anyone. He needed help… he was going to fall apart like this…

Looking warily back at the figure, he echoed, “...she won’t be able to hurt me? ...If you’re sure…”

Sou sighed. Looking like he already regretted his decision as he said, “Alright. I can try it your way. I… I’m taking your word she can’t hurt me…”

“I promise.”

And even if the thought of messing with Kaede’s memories made his skin crawl...Kokichi meant it. He wouldn’t allow...well, Prince-Consort Momota, he supposed, to be hurt. Not in a realm Kokichi could do something about. 

Looking around for a moment, trying to...figure out how to even make this happen…Kokichi’s eyes landed on the model of the huge house. Pointing at it, he asked, “Do you know where Kaede’s bedroom is? Would you be able to take us just outside it, like you did with the garden earlier?”

Sou looked over at model house, still looking a little nervous, but an openly proud smile as he said, “Yes, I know where it is. I’ve managed to sneak into it a few times. Not long enough to find anything useful, but the fact that I managed to evade Rantaro at all is a feat, I assure you. That assholes relentless… it’s right…-”

Alter Ego braced themselves, before saying suddenly, “Don’t rip open her consciousness, or his either! That will drain you. Create a door to her, let him knock, she’ll open up her own path. Gentle! Nice and gentle. It won’t knock you out this time if you’re careful!”

“-here.” Sou said, pointing to the third floor bedroom overlooking the garden, and as he did, one of the ‘walls’ opened up into a hallway, leading to Kaede’s room.

Kokichi tensed, looking down nervously at Alter Ego, but...okay, he could do that. Just...be a bridge that the two of them could use to talk. No forcing anyone anywhere. Okay…

“Awesome...thank you.” Kokichi started over, walking into the hallway and just...focusing in on the door. Behind that door is Kaede’s consciousness. Be the threshold...they can walk the path themselves...be the bridge…

Sweating a little, more from nervousness than from strain, Kokichi placed a hand on the doorframe, being the bridge between Prince-Consort Momota and Kaede. He looked over his shoulder at the prince, a little apologetic. “Sorry, but...you have to be the one to knock. And...I’ll be here to back you up, but if I can, I just want to let the two of your talk. I can make this opportunity, but your power is your own, okay? For the record...I have faith in you.”

“Right… okay.” Sou said, adjusting his scarf protectively over his mouth, “...okay.”

When he knocked, there was a moment of stillness. Of silence. Alter Ego was surprised. Maybe Kaede had some mental defenses in place to make her wary of-

There was a crash, and suddenly the door opened, and a blond woman in a very nice, if scuffed, dress opened it up, breathing heavily and looking confused, as she gave all of them a slightly overwhelmed, exasperated look while behind her… things were… crashing? And there was shouting. A smell of smoke in the air.

Kaede looked at Sou and said, “Oh! Sou! I’m sorry, what are you… where’s Rantaro? I thought you two were spending time together in the study today!”

Sou glanced over Kaede’s shoulder at the vague, shadowy chaos behind her, and said, “No… I’m in my room still. I’ve been in my room for three days.”

“What? Three days? It can’t have been three days yet, I sent you down... “ Kaede suddenly looked uncertain, someone shouting loudly and now the clear sounds of a fistfight breaking out as she winced, sweating slightly as she said, “...at the very most two days ago. The very most. And I’m certain I told Rantaro to take you to the study after running his errands today… or, wait… did I just think that… uh… fuck.”

“... is now a bad time?”

“Hm? For what? Oh, uh…” 

The consciousness was a strange thing. Kaede knew Sou was there to talk to her. The request had been in the knock. She had said yes by opening the door herself… but this was all purely subconscious in an already subconscious conversation. She blinked, trying to get her mind to adjust to this strange new reality… before laughing brightly, smiling wide, as she said, “Yes, of course, come in. Don’t mind the noise, this is going to… go on for a while!”

Kaede, because it was now on her mind, let them into the door, and instead of her room ,it was a study in the manor, where one could sit and relax and read by the fire or look out the window. It was pleasant in the room, but that vague smell of fire and shouting never went away, as Kaede, in the real world, sat in on a meeting that was… not going well. The fire not literal, but metaphorical. Kaede feeling the heat. 

-

In the real world...

There wasn’t much she could do besides sit through the meeting though, so, in the real world, she suddenly felt her mind start to drift… she was thinking about Sou. She had… she had told Rantaro to take him to the study, right? It was the whole damn reason they were having the meeting in the Kodai house. She had left him in there for three damn days this time, he needed to stretch his legs… fuck, had she told Rantaro…?? Damn it…

-

In extreme fairness, they were in the middle of a civil war. But still...when did these people sleep???

Kokichi followed Prince Momota into...the study, it looked like, acting, as far as the two non-Empath consciousnesses could tell, as little more than the prince’s shadow, an unobtrusive presence, though he kept his focus. Acting as the bridge for the husband and wife to interact in this way. 

Though...it really didn’t seem like a good time for Kaede. But there may not be another chance. 

Out of curiosity, Kaede’s invitation giving Kokichi enough leeway to do so, he took a look at Kaito’s infamous cousin. She...really didn’t look anything like him, though he knew Byakuya was blond too. Huh… There was only fire now, but...he wondered if she still smelled like roses. 

Softly, Kokichi nodded his head. “Thank you for seeing us in such a tumultuous time.” Knowing he really should just be a background presence, but, almost on reflex, greeting someone in a meeting.

Kaede’s mind, like usual for an non-empath with no defenses, immediately accepted the presence, beaming down cheerfully at the figure as she said, “Oh, of course, it’s no trouble at all! Are you a friend of my husbands? Are… how?” She asked, looking confused, glancing back and forth between them, Sou looking around warily, this his very first time outside of his own consciousness and feeling kinda weird and out of place. “Sou doesn’t meet people…”

“He probably should though, based on everything I know about him. I think your husband is losing his mind.” Alter Ego meowed up at her.

Kaede looked at the cat in confusion… before gushing, “Ooooh, look at that! A kitty! Oh, I used to have a beautiful cat like you~” She gushed, reaching down to pick Alter Ego up, petting him as she cradled him to her chest, “He used to sit with me during piano practice. There’s nothing more soothing than playing ‘Riverie, L. 68’ with a calm, sleepy kitten. Oooooh, sweet thing…” Kaede kissed the cat’s head, who bore this willingly enough, as she went to go sit down on one of the easy chairs.

Sou, still uneasy, glanced at the figure for reassurance, before going to sit down as well. He… really didn’t know how to start this… he was kind of afraid. If he said the wrong thing, she was going to go ballistic and send him back to his room…

Sou...not Sou though. But name enough for this circumstance. Giving Alter Ego an amused look, Kokichi sat a little to the side, not even metaphorically wanting to get between the couple. But...he might have to start the engine a bit. 

“I am a friend,” Kokichi affirmed, intentionally leaving his words open. “And thankfully for that! A life without friends is not much of a life at all.”

...he couldn’t just come out accusing Kaede, not when he wanted to actually give Sou and Kaede a chance, so…

“Sou’s been telling me a bit about life and Luminary and, well, of course a spouse is a big part of someone’s life. But...it seems to me you two don’t actually know each other that well… I know circumstances have made it difficult but...Kaede, what did you think about marrying Sou, before you two even really met?”

Sou said that he’d been ready to love, or at least make the motions of it before the wedding. Kokichi knew that...Kaede hadn’t been thrilled, but had she ever been willing to give her future spouse a chance?

Kaede was about to be incredibly honest… but only because she was pretty convinced that she was daydreaming to herself idle thoughts while trying to ignore a meeting that was becoming less and less useful every second that these idiots all fought each other. She needed to stop letting Tenko into these meetings, insist to Makota he send a different representative from now on. She was a capable fighter and devout to the resistance and a huge follower of Maki Harukawa, but… she devolved every damn meeting into mass accusations of all the nobles of evil and corruption and honestly it was very unhelpful when you were trying to get and keep those nobles on your side of the damn war…

So, she said, almost idly, “Well, I thought at worse he was going to murder me, and at best he was a spy. Myself and Queen Sara do… not get along. I thought it was incredibly suspicious she would agree to send a family member to marry me, regardless of whatever deal Byakuya offered her. And, considering she had, extremely likely, just had her father killed to inherit the throne early, I figured she was just keeping up her merry little murder momentum.”

“But, of course, knowing treachery and assassination was on its way, I got everything set up. Had a basement room dug out that I was planning to have him integrated in, and then when I was done, have him killed, seal up the room, claim he ran off or something… but only if the interrogation didn’t go well.”

She laughed, beaming at Sou, “I’m not a monster, of course.”

Sou shivered, face paling. “... of course…”

“Buuuut… I had all the information on Prince Sou I thought I needed. The mans a nightmare. One of those types of guys that destroys lives on a whim, and peasants had a nasty habit of ‘disappearing’ when around him. I had a portrait of him, had reports of weapons he’s been seen to use-- not many, surprisingly enough-- the kinds of friends he makes, his tactics, the sorts of deals he runs. Based on everything I knew about him? Sealing him up in a room was the safest and, frankly, most moral thing I could do. Bury the scum, leave the world a shinier, happier place… so… imagine my surprise when my fiance gets off the ship, and it’s some random, weak, skinny, very possibly underaged kid who looks like one wrong look will send him running for the corner?”

Kaede, realizing this was a maybe unkind definition of her husband, smiled warmly at Sou, “Sorry. But that is kind of the impression you give off.”

“You knew he wasn’t your fiance?” Alter Ego meowed, while Sou, also, looked entirely stunned. 

“Oooooh, you’re such a good kitty. Does kitty want belly scratch? I think he does, I think he does!” Kaede coo’d.

...no. The answer was no. 

Kokichi felt his heart ache for Sou, not just at Kaede’s presumptions, but what she did about them…

Though that was undercut by a cold, biting sort of fury. Kokichi really had wanted to give Kaede and Sou a chance to sort things out by themselves...but the issue with him being awake when he was in the realm of the mind was...well. He was awake. 

“Sometimes I really can’t tell with you if it was your circumstances that bred your paranoia, or your paranoia that bred the circumstances.” Kokichi huffed. Unlike the red, burning fury of before, his form was a sharp, icy blue, so pale it was almost white. “You really have no self-awareness, do you. The fact that you are not as cruel as you could be does not make you a saint, and the fact that you can laugh in the face of human suffering does, in fact, make you a monster.”

“You saw someone who you knew was not, in fact, themselves a monster, simply a person you knew nothing about, and could likely surmise was being manipulated...and you decided to abuse them anyway.” Kokichi scoffed, the air around him bitterly cold. “I don’t know what Maki-chan sees in you. I’m happy you two never got together...you’re severely below her standards.”

-

In the real world, Kaede felt a familiar flash of guilt run through her. 

Thoughts, not at all new, rushing hotly through her mind.

She didn’t let her discomfort show on her face, just watching the meeting unfold with a vague smile on her face. She was an expert at keeping her cool through guilt. She was well practiced in it.

-

In the consciousness, she gave the cold, furious figure a somewhat sad smile. “...well. I can’t say you're wrong. But it’s been a long time since anyone’s said it to me. I’ll give you that…”

Sighing softly, she idly pet the cat, Alter Ego giving Kokichi a worried look. {Do we need to leave?} he asked, worried this might be too much for Kokichi, as above him, the princess talked.

“Abuse? Yeah, it’s abuse… I lock Sou up in his room and scare him and keep him confused about what’s going on. I don’t let him go anywhere alone. I don’t let him speak to anyone… yeah, it’s abuse…”

Kaede looked at Sou, and smiled wanly, “But I couldn’t accuse Queen Sara of sending a fake to trick me. The treaty to end the war with Dicea was just starting up, I couldn’t risk sending us into a different war. I had to pretend I didn’t know, for everyone's sake… and… I suddenly just had this husband who was… helpless. Thrown in with me right when I was about to suddenly make my life ten times more dangerous then it had ever been. Unable to help me, unable to protect himself, not from Byakuya, not from my vast amount of enemies that were about to quadruple in size, not from me. He took my name… I was sworn to him. I had to do something to keep him safe…”

Laughing nervously, she said, “I keep telling myself I’ll make it up to him someday. When all this is over? When it’s safe… for now it’s hard, and it’s lonely, and scary, but I  need to keep him out of the way and safe. And when the country is different, then I can let him out. Let him be a person again… but I can’t trust him, not with my secrets, my life, or his own. I don’t know anything about him! I don’t know how old he is, or why he was sent to me. I don’t even know his name-”

“Shin.” Sou murmured. “My name is Shin.”

“I’m twenty years old. I know, I look a little younger than that… I can’t seem to keep weight on.” Shin continued to murmur. A tight, anxious look on his face. “I have no family left. I’ve lived with Prince Sou for two years before he sent me here. I have no money. I have no formal education past the age of thirteen… I… I don’t have a lot going for me…”

...Shin scowled. Glaring at Kaede as he said, “But I’m not weak!”

“Locking a person up isn’t keeping them safe,” Kokichi growled, a lifetime of anger and resentment rumbling behind his words. “It’s just making it so you are the person hurting them, and that they can’t find help without going through hundreds of unnecessary hoops, and driving them crazy to the point they either wish they were dead, or everyone else was.” 

“There is no ‘making it up to them when it’s all over’. You have caused damage you cannot even comprehend just because you cannot look outside yourself and see the person right in front of you.”

Kokichi was fuming, about to go on...but...Shin grabbed the spotlight. Making his own case. Because, for as much as Kokichi saw himself--twenty years old, sick and underestimated, never given a chance…--Shin was his own person with his own circumstances. And Kokichi would only back him up, not write over his own words. 

“...you don’t know anything about Shin, because you never even tried. You simply decided that he wasn’t useful to you, and told yourself pretty things to keep yourself happy. You have no idea what he’s capable of. You have no idea if you could’ve found one of your greatest allies if you’d simply tried.”

“Well, telling people pretty things is half the job…” Kaede chuckled lightly, looking tired… before frowning. “Maybe I’m getting too used to it.”

Kaede glanced out the window. It was sunny and lovely. Everything smelled like smoke…

“...I guess a part of me always knew I couldn’t keep this up forever… I haven't enjoyed this, if that’s any comfort.” She said to Shin.

“It’s really not.” he replied coldly. “I’ve been in my room for three days, and you know, it’s not exactly reassuring to come here and realize that the reason I’m still there is because you forgot to tell anyone to let me out.” Shin hissed. Thin hands clenched and tugging furiously against his scarf. “It’d almost have been better if you had been… I don’t know. If there had been a point to it. Instead, apparently, I just didn’t make it into your busy schedule.”

Kaede sighed. Running her hands slightly through her hair as she said, “I really didn’t mean to… the last few days have been busy and…” she paused. Now frustrated with herself… before smiling at the figure.

“Do you know why I picked Maki?” She asked. Sounding flippant and conversational as she leaned her head against her hand, resting on the elbow of the easy chair. “...because she wouldn’t have forgotten he was down there. She’s idyllic, like myself. Has big dreams of changing Luminary, and the guts to see it through. Really believes in helping people, the masses… but she doesn’t forget the people around her either. You don’t leave her presence, disappointed, realizing she’s not going to live up to the hype.”

“You know what my problem is?” Kaede said, laughing lightly, “People love me… right up until they get to know me. And they see that, despite the cheery attitude and the gung-ho courage to really try to change things for the better of the masses… that in the end, I’m still an impulsive person, afraid to trust, and unafraid to kill. I make mistakes, all the time. Deadly ones. Ones that ruin lives. And I don’t always hit the targets I’m after… and when that happens… there’s nothing I can do but continue to smile, continue to encourage the people around me to keep fighting, and go on like I never made a mistake at all… and you’re right. If I was willing to look myself in the eye? Really evaluate myself… I’d see myself as a monster. What kind of monster can just… keep going? After doing so much wrong...”

“Maki never forgets to take care of the people around her. She doesn’t disappoint people in that way… she wouldn’t have lost track of the days. She would have asked him his name.” Kaede said, as if she were thinking aloud, frowning as she came to an uncomfortable conclusion. “...I should ask Shin his name. And I should actually try to talk to my husband…”

“And let me out of the room!” Shin added in quickly, feeling like Kaede was having a ‘moment’ and reaaaallly wanting to stress that. “And maybe trust me enough to just… try to help you? To be a part of this!”

Kaede raised an eyebrow. “The revolution?”

“Maybe! I mean, if it affects my safety too? Which is why you said you’ve been keeping me locked up, then… I’d be crazy to not want to know more. To be a help. I don’t want to die when they come to execute you. If I can stop that from happening, the better!”

“...execute me? They’re not going to execute you if they execute me. You don’t know anything. You’re not a part of this.”

“Byakuya would absolutely kill me once you’re gone. Or throw me into prison. Or send me back home.”

“Maybe the last one, but, no. he wouldn’t.” Kaede scoffed, rolling her eyes, “I’ll be shocked if he ever gets around to executing me. I thought by now he’d at least imprison me, but I guess he can’t even bring himself to do that. Byakuya loves me. He won’t kill you.”

“...that is a stupid amount of faith to have in someone you are currently at war with!”

“Oh, so now we’re calling each other stupid? Well, fine, then I’m stupid! But I’m also right! It’s the secretaries I really have to watch out for, them and the wealthy elite. Those bastards will set me on fire if they get the chance.”

“What? Why?” Shin asked, looking confused.

And, for awhile, Kaede started to explain to Shin her situation. Going over the political details, confiding who were her biggest enemies and concerns, worrying over alliances that didn’t feel as solid as they used to be. And Shin listened… and very quickly started offering advise. Working out with her some different perspectives to those issues that she hadn’t considered before, because she never talks to anyone about this sort of stuff. And… they just kept bickering as they did it. Getting frustrated with each other, sarcastic, calling each other names, arguing…

...it was weirdly in sync. A chemistry to it. Both of them comfortably letting down their masks and actually, genuinely talking to each other.

Alter Ego shimmied his way out of her lap, before bounding to Kokichi {Well… this was interesting. Do we let them keep these memories?}

There was a difference between mediating and straight out lying to people to tell them what they wanted to hear. And...Kokichi could concede that sometimes the latter was needed. But sometimes. Not for everything. After long enough, a mask would always start to become your face. 

Kokichi frowned a little to himself, feeling some of Shin’s anger. ...it really didn’t help, knowing that someone didn’t want to do something...but they thought it was worth it anyway. That you suffered just...because they forgot to tell anyone otherwise… Knowing that you were really...just that unimportant for them to not even notice…

He sighed, the chill and color fading from his form. “...people really do think of Maki-chan as larger than life, huh. But she never does forget the little people. Stresses her out enough that I start getting nervous sometimes just looking at her.”

Kokichi continued to calm as Kaede and Shin talked, happy that they seemed like...honestly, a pretty good team together. And he never lost that focus of being their bridge...but there was a calm, quiet melancholy to him as he faded into the background, no longer contributing to their discussion. Really being what he had intended before his temper got the best of him. 

Looking over at Alter Ego--there was a part of Kokichi that wished he’d remember this, if only to better understand the clusterfuck that was Luminary’s power structure and internal relations--Kokichi smiled wanly and crouched down to gently pet at his friend. “...I think so. This...really seemed like something they need, and it doesn’t look like I screwed things up too badly to get them there… Maybe I’m feeling a little too fond after just meeting him, but…” Kokichi glanced up at the furiously, efficiently debating couple. “...I think Shin’s input would do the revolution a lot of good. And getting him out of the life he’s in right now is more than enough reason on its own.”

“I can’t claim to know much about Princess Kaede. None of my shards ever met her.” Alter Ego said, looking at the couple as Kaede pulled out a map, determined to prove her point the food flow of the farms, before balking as Shin told her he had already looked at this map, the secret chest in the study isn’t actually that secret, and yes, he had been in her office, and look, look, right here, this is what he’s talking about, this flow line here- “...she’s right. She doesn’t exactly live up to the hype. The Princess’s reputation is… almost otherworldly. A beautiful, pure beacon of good in the sea of corruption in the government.”

Alter Ego sighed. “I don’t consider myself a Luminary, like I’ve told you… but it is kind of disappointing to see how… flawed she is. I’m sure she keeps up a better facade in the real world, but I imagine it’s difficult to to maintain her followers if she slips up around them. I’m starting to see why she put all her eggs into making someone else the face of her revolution.”

“And… Shin seems happier. I’ll check in on them tomorrow, make certain she follows through on having this conversation with him in real life, but if it goes anywhere near as well as this? He’s probably a free man after this. In more danger, sure, but…” Alter Ego shrugged, “Those are the risks. He’s allowed to choose that for himself.”

Looking up at Kokichi, noting the dull, sad hues… Alter Ego said, “We can wait till we get back to your consciousness. But you seem down, for having just successfully helped two people. Do you want to talk about it?”

Kokichi nodded slowly, eventually just settling on the ground. “My family hyped her up quite a lot to me, but...well, Shuu-chan was the only person to point out any kind of flaw. That she was manipulative. And her original plan of getting rid of...dozens of people to make her the only stable power in Luminary for a while… I’d been disillusioned, at least a little...but seeing her like this…”

He sighed, eyes downcast. “I can respect the changes she wants to see, and the fact that she sees a need for it is really good. But...there’s a part of me that hopes that...I don’t remember this until after I’ve met her in person. We’ve talked on the phone and exchanged letters but...it’s different, meeting in person. I know my family’s really excited to introduce us properly too…”

...it was just hard, looking at a person when you knew the abuse they’d inflicted on another person. There was a reason Kokichi hadn’t sought out Nao, and it wasn’t just out of respect for Shuuichi’s feelings. 

Pulling himself together a little, Kokichi looked back up at the duo, looking at the...life and fire in Shin that certainly hadn’t been there before. “I hope they follow through...and I am happy to see them like this. If I’m able to make anyone’s day a little better, it’s worth it to me…”

His expression went a little sadder. “...I’m...not sure how much there’d be to talk about… But I don’t want to interrupt them yet...even if I am a little worried that it’s this late at night and neither of them are sleeping.”

Alter Ego looked a little confused… before tilting his head at Kokichi, “Is midnight really late to you? I mean, I guess it’s a bad habit more than anything, but Hiro doesn’t usually go to bed until 1130…”

Kokichi had jumped to Shin as soon as he had fallen asleep. It had only been a few hours.

Alter Ego glanced at the animated couple, before saying, “We don’t need to stay. We’ve done what we intended. They’ll finish this conversation when they have it for real tomorrow. We aren’t abandoning him. I promise, I really am going to check in on him. We did well. You should be proud.” Alter Ego looked up at Kokichi, “I’m very proud of you.”

Kokichi’s eyes widened and he looked down at Alter Ego in shock. “...it’s only midnight? ...what the hell has Kai-chan done to me…”

It felt like he’d gone to bed--and to sleep--hours ago, and yet...he used to regularly finally decide to tuck in at...two? On good, regular, scheduled nights? And while he did wake up earlier now, Kokichi had usually gotten up around...eight? Most days? Like...sure, getting as much sleep as he did now was probably doing wonders for his health but…

Kaito what the hell?!

Sighing, Kokichi looked up at Shin and Kaede again, hoping against hope that they’d be right back at this point tomorrow...then gave Alter Ego a nod. Smiling something small and personal as his cheeks colored. “...thank you. I’m happy I was able to do something… Okay, we can go.”

Alter Ego did the honors, leaning into a pounce and starting to chitter at the air… before, the hole opening up, leaping, taking Kokichi with him…

The smell of smoke went away. Alter Ego sighed relieved at the fresh, clean, salty air… before scowling in distaste at the sand.

“I’ll admit, I aimed for this particular memory cause you seem to like to go to the beach when you’re feeling melancholy, but…” Alter Ego walked to the edge of the beach blanket, poking at the sand lightly with his paws as he said, “...it’s really the worst. I’ve yet to even catch a fish here. What other point does the ocean have, but to hold fish for me to eat?”

Kokichi didn’t realize how stifling the smell of smoke had been until he was back on the coast, the ocean breeze never letting any air sit for more than a moment. He took a deep breath, stretching out under the sun and lying back...laughing softly. “You know...I’ve read some papers that say that all life originated from the sea? Millions and millions of years ago… And people in a lot of places still depend on it for life, even if they don’t live in it. I think the fish are a little too deep for you to get though…”

A moment of quiet, listening to the slow wash of waves against the sand. 

“...is it too selfish to say that...I saw a lot of myself in Shin?”

“I noticed that as well. His eyes were also too big for his head. Must be a skinny person thing. It makes you both very cute though, you wear it well. Mind you, as a cat, I might have a bias towards it,” Alter Ego gently teased, battering their giant, kitty eyes at him.

Settling in beside him, tucking their paw beneath their chest as they said, “...but that’s not what you mean.”

Kokichi huffed something of a laugh, but went still again soon after, tucking one of his arms under his head, and curling the other one around Alter Ego. “...in his position...Kaede only looks like the most nightmarish combination of my dad and what I thought Kai-chan was gonna be. And...I don’t…”

“...I don’t feel bad for yelling at her.” Kokichi’s face scrunched up, frustrated and guilty for not feeling guilty. “...I respect what she’s doing on a large scale, and her support and organization in the revolution is invaluable but…”

“...I think I hate her.”

“Oh.” Alter Ego said, a little surprised. 

He stared out at the ocean, watching the waves come in and out. The small, white lines of seafoam that lingered over the sand that came in and out of view with every wave. 

“... I think that’s okay.” Alter Ego decided, after a moment. Glancing up at his friend as he said, “If you needed permission, I mean. Validation. She was doing something horrible. You don’t depend on her for anything. You don’t owe her anything. So… hate her.” 

Alter Ego shrugged. “Nothing to feel guilty about.”

“...I don’t like hating people…” But it was an emotion like any other, and just like any other emotion, he just...had to accept it. But… “...and I don’t like that I hate her, when I don’t hate my dad. And that I hope Shin can move on from this, in some way…”

Kokichi felt his eyes start to burn, and not from staring up at the sunny sky. He folded his arm up over his eyes as his face scrunched in, lips pressing together when he wasn’t pushing words through them. 

“...A-aiichi and I are really trying… I don’t...we don’t want to have that kind of relationship… But…” Kokichi’s voice broke as he sniffled softly. “...i-it’s so hard to even be in the same room as him s-sometimes!”

“I know it wasn’t as bad as what’s happening to Shin… That I had played a huge part in making my prison… B-but it doesn’t change that he was the one who set the rules in the first place, and then just...never mentioned to anyone when he was letting up on them?! Misinterpreted every time someone tried to vouch for me?!” Kokichi shuddered, hiccuping a sob, his face turning red from the force of his anger and despair, even if it was all over now. “There’s… I can’t be totally wrong for thinking it was intentional, r-right, because of just how...h-how absurdly, ridiculously inept he is at thinking about anything that isn’t the country?!”

Oh… so that was what this was about.

Alter Ego didn’t actually know all that much about Kokichi and his fathers troubles. Kokichi had referenced his difficult childhood before, of course, but the cat had always gotten the impression it had been largely so stifled due to the mans chronic illness. Not that it had been the work of any individuals. Kokichi had talked about trying to bond with his father through board games, but this was different than just… distance created from a difficult childhood. 

But, Alter Ego kept up with the thought  process, simply accepting everything Kokichi said, adjusting his view around it. King Aiichi had… made a bad situation even more difficult, potentially by accident, potentially on purpose, and he and Kokichi were trying to reconcile the relationship past that. Kokichi still had some grief and resentment over it, but felt guilty for those feelings. 

Okay. Alter Ego felt caught up.

Alter Ego, feeling Kokichi start to sob beside him, wordlessly stood up and leapt his light body onto Kokichi’s stomach, before resting themselves onto his chest. Laying his head on Kokichi’s neck and purring loudly. A comforting presence.

“... you don’t strike me as unreasonable.” Alter Ego said after a moment. Keeping the pur strong. “If you think something happened, I wouldn’t dismiss it.”

Kokichi shuddered again, but gently brought his free arm up to lay on Alter Ego’s body, a loose, relaxed hug. Reminiscent, almost, of how Kokichi sometimes held his stuffed friends, though without the impulse to squish the stuffed animals against his body. 

“...you know...there was a time not that long ago that people would think that sentiment was absurd.”

He let out a wet breath, letting his tears soak into his sleeve, though he wasn’t bothering to wipe them away yet. “...we’ve...talked a lot about it. The board games are a way for us to actually start getting to know each other as people, but...we talk about the past too. And I know...even still, he has reservations when I go out, or make plans...a-and it just...is that he makes himself stop acting on them now. H-he has a lot of expectations for me...but he’s also really scared. And that even when I started to be able to...like, move around and play, he was always terrified that I was just...moments away from having to be put on life support again. So...that’s why he made the restrictions in the first place.”

“Then...things would get looser, if I was stable for long enough, and h-he just...ne-never told me...but then there’d be some incident, like I’d get sick, or hurt, o-or I’d tr-try to kill myself a-and...he’d add new things, just...trying to adapt. But he n-never talked to me, so it just...felt like a never-ending pile that was always growing and...it was a prison.”

“...it was a tomb.”

“...locking someone up isn’t keeping them safe,” Kokichi repeated from earlier, his voice soft and sad. “...it’s making you the enemy...and it’s making them a danger that’s...maybe worse than anything they could find outside.”

“...I can’t...I can’t forgive him yet. Maybe ever. And he knows that. But...we’re still trying to make something out of the pieces. In the hopes that maybe there will be something there one day… And it helps the people who love both of us not have to burn any bridges...and...well...we’re still co-workers, at the end of it… Aiichi’s a great leader...but a terrible father.”

Kokichi sniffled, his chest feeling tight. “...I can’t help wondering if he would’ve actually been my dad if my mom hadn’t died...or if he just would’ve ignored us both…”

Alter Ego allowed themself to be held, content to just be a familiar, reassuring weight. A source of warmth and love while his friend grieved and raged over a life that was too often unfair. 

He reserved judgment on everything. His heart saddened at the discussion of suicide attempts, but he formed no opnions on it. Simply accepted, again, the new information, adjusting his reality to it. He reserved all opinions on Kokichi’s father, outside of the opinions Kokichi himself brought into this. Just accepting this as the reality, even if Kokichi himself seemed uncertain how to interpret everything that had happened to him. Alter Ego just… listened. 

But, after the last line, there was a significant enough pause that suggested to the feline that maybe Kokichi was looking for some response. So, after considering things carefully for a moment, Alter Ego said gently, “...other than meeting his memory while in his consciousness, all I know of the Dicean king is what others who have also not met him have said. And rumors of him with any specific detail was rare, in Luminary. The staff seemed to like him well enough, when we visited your castle. They called him ‘brother’. It was strange… but I can’t say I know him any more than all of that.”

“...but, in the memory of your mother… I don’t know if it’s any comfort to think he would have been more involved, if she was around. But he did really seem to love her.” Alter Ego said gently. Not sure if that would hurt or reassure… and not sure if it was kind to add softly, “Though, maybe love wouldn’t have been enough to convince him.”

“...he’s an excellent Ouma,” Kokichi softly praised. “Whatever Fuse had seen in him, if she got that...dumb feeling, or whatever...it was spot on. He’s done nothing but try to protect and enrich our people to the best of his ability, and that best has been really good. People are comforted by his speeches, because even if it’s filled with flowery drivel...every promise in them is one he intends to keep, and likely already has a plan for, and people know that.”

“At first...I couldn’t understand why Kai-chan was so hurt, knowing that he’s not my top priority… Individual people can’t be, for an Ouma. Our lives are promised and dedicated to the country.” Kokichi swallowed, an almost pained look on his face from under his arm. “...It’s taken me longer than I think would make most people feel okay, but...I get it now. And I can’t go back on my vows now, through no choice by my own, but...I think I want to be a worse Ouma. The overall safety and progress and happiness of my people...it will always be something I’ll do whatever I can to support. But...I can’t be the kind of leader that has it all planned out months in advance, who always has dozens of projects set up in various stages…”

“...I want to be a worse Ouma, who’ll take time off work, even on top of the days I have to miss because I’m too sick, because I want to go see my nephew win the national spelling bee. Who’ll stay in the hospital for a few days with my partners and our newly born daughter. Who’ll leave work early to spend time with a friend.”

He sighed, body relaxing more than it had during the worst of his sobs. Now just...letting slow tears fall and soak into his sleeve. “...I really believe I can find the balance to take care of my people and my family too. That neither will have to suffer for the other… I don’t care if it’s too greedy of a wish...it’s what I'm going to strive for.”

Alter Ego… looked a little surprised. And impressed, because, honestly, all of that on top of learning Empath stuff was… a lot. Kokichi had a lot on his plate. Maybe more than Alter Ego had really appreciated before this moment.

The cat thought of what Kaede had just said. How her people only liked her from a distance. How it was only getting to know her and seeing how shitty of a person she actually was, did people lose faith in her. That presumption that… she could be a personally fine leader, a good one, even, and it still wouldn’t reassure people when they saw how often she failed in her personal life. To the point where she had needed to put up a prop idle, just to give the masses someone to believe in. Someone who wouldn’t disappoint them when she was actually there.

“...I think that’s a perfectly fine goal, honestly.” Alter Ego said, feeling Kokichi’s chest stop heaving and shuddering so hard… his breathing and heart rate evening out, little by little. “I think… if being a ‘better’ Ouma was ignoring the wellbeing of everyone around you, in favor of your job? … I, personally, don’t think I would have liked the ‘better’ version of you.” Alter Ego admitted, tail flicking lightly, side to side. “I think I’d have had a hard time not feeling judgy if you told me you left your partner in the hospital with your newborn because you had budget memos to look over. As your friend? I’d have probably told you that was a shitty thing to do. Besides… I honestly can’t imagine you letting anything fall to the wayside enough where it becomes a problem. Work. Family. Your friends…”

Looking up at him, the cat said, “From the way you talk, I know that maybe I’ve just caught you at the point in your life where you’re better at managing your own life better than you have in the past… but, well, you’re also twenty, and that’s usually true for all twenty year olds. You’re not cruel enough to be your father, or Princess Kaede, for that matter. You won’t hurt the people around you and call it ‘love’ or ‘protection’. But you’re not going to just ignore your country and let it fall to ruin. You’re just… not that kind of person. I’d be astounded if you came even close to either of those circumstances.”

“You’d have to not care for either of those things to happen… and you do care. So it’s going to be fine.” Alter Ego gave a little kitty shrug, before saying, “That’s what I think, anyway.”

Kokichi smiled slightly. He didn’t want to let anyone down, and...choosing the greedy path wasn’t turning his back on anyone. Not to abuse his power and position, not to neglect it, not to be too busy for the people he personally cared about, not to force them into some emotionless or even abusive lifestyle… Sometimes...you really could just choose everything. 

...life was only a zero-sum game if you chose to ignore the wider world.

Letting out a deep, shuddering breath, Kokichi finally wiped his eyes and moved his arm away, smiling affectionately at the cat on his chest. He stroked down the length of Alter Ego’s body once before scratching behind their ears, feeling...okay. Hopeful. “...your faith means a lot to me. Thank you… You really have caught me at a better point but...that’s good, you know? I’m happy I can be a better person and a better friend to you.”

Kokichi let his neck relax, let the sun start to dry the tracks around his eyes. “...please let me know how things go for Shin and Kaede tomorrow. I can hope but...I really don’t know if I’ve actually managed to help out the people that have called to me. If nothing else...I just want to know that Shin isn’t trapped in his room for a fourth day. I’m not sure what more I could do, but...I’d try to think of something, at least.”

“I’ll check in on him tomorrow a few times. If nothings changed, I’ll let you know. Worst comes to worst? Maybe we could sick the Templar on her. That man is crazy powerful… honestly, I just feel lucky he’s on our side. I’d be terrified to have him as an enemy.” Alter Ego sighed, enjoying the scratches, as they said, “I’m mostly kidding. I really do think that went as well as it could have. You stopped Shin from putting himself in an incredible amount of danger, trying to kill her. And, well… I get the sense Princess Kaede doesn’t surround herself with nay-sayers or people willing to call her an asshole to her face. Having someone like Shin, whose seen her at her very worst, willing to talk to her as bluntly as he had been by the end of that conversation?”

“Surrounding yourself with people who will do nothing but sing your praises, no matter what you do? That’s how you make nobles. Kaede having a Shin in her life… especially if this revolution really does put her in a better position? This might not have just improved Shin’s life. This might be good for Luminary as a whole…” Alter Ego blinked a little, his golden eyes distant… before laughing lightly at himself. “Maybe that’s giving what we did too much credit. But I like to think so.”

Kokichi snorted, rubbing little circles behind Alter Ego’s ears. He’d felt okay asking Temp to meddle in a mind when it was to banish an established, at least moderately powerful empath from a person he was abusing. Kaede was abusing Shin, but...she was just a person. Even against a monster, Kokichi didn’t want to mess with their minds too much. Really, however his yelling at her manifested in her conscious thoughts was...probably just about the line. 

...it didn’t feel very good on an ethical level, but...he hoped he’d upset her, just a little. That something had stung.

“If you hadn’t known who they were, they did seem like a good team at the end there,” Kokichi agreed. “Too much arguing makes it so nothing gets done, but every plan needs at least some debate. No one can see the full picture on their own… While I suspect that there are people involved with the revolution who’re less sycophantic, I think having someone close by that she can’t ignore, hopefully, will be better…”

Kokichi bubbled out a laugh, catching onto the same thought process as Alter Ego. “Maybe! But it’s okay to feel proud, I think.” 

After a moment, he softened, looking at his mentor not without worry. “...You’re… Hiro’s keeping safe?”

Alter Ego sighed at the question. “...we’ve been debating moving, for a few weeks… or, really, making a run for it… the city he lives in is…” Alter Ego looked a little tired. “... we really don’t know if there’s anywhere to go though… the way we hear it, everywhere’s getting dangerous to live. If it’s not rebel groups, it’s death cultists, or the guards looking for rebel and death cultists. And there’s dozens of different groups taking advantage of the chaos. Crime has become… scary. We’re paying ‘protection’ fees to two different groups now, one for our neighborhood, one for our… for his mother...”

The cats tail flicked, and he mused, “Honestly, Hiro’s mother is the main reason we won’t leave. She doesn’t want to go. She’s convinced it will all calm down soon. That we just need to wait it out. She’s a hard woman, used to run with her own gang before she went straight to raise Hiro… she’s brave. Almost insanely so. She says sometimes the world feels like it’s on fire, but that it always eventually just… evens out. She laughs when I… when we…” Alter Ego’s ear twitched, “...when Hiro talks with her about running for somewhere safer. Kisses my cheek and tells me not to worry so much…”

“...I understand why the rebel group exists. I get where they’re coming from. If they win, things probably will be better… but it’s hard not to wish all of this would just… stop. For everything to go back to normal…” Alter Ego sighed. “It wasn’t good, but at least it wasn’t this…”

Alter Ego, suddenly, looked vaguely confused… before musing, “Hm. That was mostly Hiro, just now. He’s been pretty stressed out about all of the things going on where he lives.”

There was a part of Kokichi that had wanted to invite Hiro to live in Dicea--for a while now, actually--but...well, it was different from his offer to Shin. Shin had no life and friends and good memories in Luminary, and he only had himself. Sure, he was a bit more on the high-profile side but...well, if she even needed to, since Shin wasn’t allowed to see anyone anyway… She could spin it as him taking a holiday, or stepping out of the country for a bit until things calmed...maybe even making it a show of good will, for the prince to spend time in their now allied country. 

But Hiro was different. He had a job, a home, a whole history there...and his mom. And if she didn’t want to go, then...there was no way he could just leave her. 

“...he’s living in a warzone right now...of course he’s stressed…” Kokichi sighed. “...I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help… But Maki’s already on ‘vacation’, or at least at a point where I won’t be able to call her, and...I can’t even send a message your way, or...aid or anything… I know my dad has some sort of plan going on to help Luminaries in general, not interfering with the war in any obvious way, but…”

“...I can’t lie, and I know that it’s a world of difference because I don’t live there, but...I am in favor of the revolution. It’s not my battle to fight, and...no matter what my stance is, there’s not much I can do either way. But if I see a chance to help the people affected...I’m gonna do all I can. Even if my chance was just making my stance to Maki-chan that I don’t believe anyone has to die for this to work.”

Alter Ego nodded, before saying simply, “Even as a leader of another country, I really can’t imagine what you could have ever done to help, one way or another. Mind you, the politics of it all is… really too big for me to get my head around. Taka, out of all of us, understands it the most, and even he really can’t say one way or another how any of it’s going to get resolved… maybe mom is right. Maybe it won’t get ‘resolved’ so much as it’ll just… calm down. Stabilize, in its own way.”

“I don’t know. I just know that in my little pocket of the world, with my mom and my neighborhood and my business and friends, the sooner everyone just finds something better to do with their time than fight each other, the better… and since it’s unrealistic of me to just go into everyone's heads and make them all calm down-” Alter Ego huffed, rolling his eyes, “I’ll trust that moms right and people will just get tired of this on their own, and we’ll keep our heads down till then. Then hopefully all the politics can happen in the courts, with paperwork and all of that, and not outside my window with spears and bow and arrows.”

“... it would be kind of amazing if the Indentured Program was closed down.” Alter Ego admitted. “Everyone seems to have a different reason that the revolution exists and what they’re trying to accomplish, but that one comes up a lot and… if that is what they’re fighting for? My father… Hiro’s father died in the indentured program, paying off my families debt. I never knew him, but… we have a picture of him we keep a candle lit next to all the time at the front window. My mom… Hiro’s mom talks to it sometimes… if this revolution could do nothing else? I’ll hope it gets that accomplished.”

Kokichi nodded slightly, a bit of a frown on his face as his gaze went far away. He couldn’t claim to know every reason everyone in the revolution was fighting for. There were likely even a few he disagreed with, even if he supported the movement as a whole. That’s just...what groups of people were like. 

“There’s...a lot I disagree with how Luminary is run. Some of those things are on such a moral level they gave me a heart attack once, but...others…” He sighed. “I don’t know. They might seem wrong to me, but could actually be what Luminary needs. It’s not my responsibility to run Luminary, so I don’t understand. Right now, I think that’s what the revolutionaries are trying to understand.”

And even if Kokichi understood that it couldn’t be a peaceful resistance...he could still see how it looked to the people in the middle. The people who’d just made it by before, not caught up in the world of the nobles and wealthy, but not scrounging for everything they had. Being placed under the pressure that some of their brethren had felt all along...well, it tended to spur empathy and righteous rage, or just...a quiet, mild resentment, and a wish for things to be peaceful, if only just for them.

...he couldn’t blame people for that. Well...he could, but he wouldn’t. 

Swallowing, Kokichi pet down Alter Ego’s body again. “...the program is one of the big things for me, I’ll say. It’s Maki-chan’s whole drive to even get involved so...well, I was inspired by her words too, even before I learned much about the program. I hope it’s dismantled, too.”

Alter Ego nodded, resting their head on their paws, listening to the even thump of Kokichi’s chest. “Yeah… that’d be nice.”

-

Shuuichi, admittedly, had always wondered about Kaito’s… weird relationship with his therapist. 

For someone who kept insisting that the therapy was working in a way he could recognize, who followed the procedures and homework that Miss Crystal gave him with a studious commitment that would have potentially gotten Kaito out of the perpetual C’s student status he had spent his whole life in had he used that same devotion to his classes… whenever Kaito talked about the practices themselves? Or spoke of or too Miss Crystal?

Kaito always had this just, constant, look of… annoyed embarrassment. 

Just… cringe.

And, as the woman laughed loud enough to get the attention of the whole diner, leaning one foot against the table as she put the back of her palm to her hand, looking almost smug as she loomed down at the uncomfortable couple sitting on the opposite sides of the table to her, Shuuichi could now understand why.

“Are you… is there something in your throat? Do you need a water?” Shuuichi asked, looking warily up at the woman as she cackled.

“OH- HO HO HO HO~!!! N~ope!” Miss Crystal cackled, finally sitting down, apparently entirely unworried as people in the diner continued to stare at her, whispering to each other as waiters and waitresses’s fruitlessly tried to smile and take orders through the noise and distraction. “I’m just thrilled I finally got my hands on you, Mr. Saihara! That’s one more down, just one to go! I will complete the set with Miss Harukawa and Young Mister Harukawa someday! Get the whole Royal Luminary Lineup!!”

“Please stop talking about me and my family as if we’re trading cards.” Kaito half begged, looking actually pained as he gave the increasingly skeptical Shuuichi a somewhat humiliated smile. “She… she really is very good…”

“I am. I’m amazing! And I’m hungry. Hopefully the staff will finish their debate over who gets this table this time soon and comes to take out order.” Miss Crystal sighed, leaning miserably against the palm of her hand as, entirely randomly, she took out a far too large, intricately detailed paper fan out from somewhere?? And began to fan herself as she said, “I’m starving.”

“So… do you two do your therapy appointments here… every time?” Shuuichi asked, looking in open confusion around the diner. He had known this was the case before, but seeing it in practice was… “Isn’t this inconvenient?”

“Better than out in the snow.” Miss Crystal said simply, still idly fanning herself as Kaito half-glared at her-- his boyfriend was here, couldn’t she act a little more professional??-- as she grabbed one of the square sugar cubes they had in a bowl on the table for their coffee and popped it into her mouth, “And, while we tried working in the study’s at the castle for a few times, I’ve found that the good prince here gets more closed off and worried the more isolated he feels. Sooooo~ somewhere like this? Surrounded by windows and multiple exists and a bunch of people all loud and engaged in their own table conversations? Your six foot cutie-pie here opens right up and gets real chatty! Isn’t that right, Kait~oooo?”

“Please don’t do that.” Kaito begged again, the womans face morphing as she puffed out her cheeks and coo’d at him, face reddening in embarrassment at her antics. This was a bad idea. Why had he brought Shuuichi here? This woman was a cringe nightmare who seemed to delight in embarrassing him.

“You! Have you been keeping close to you that stone I gave you?!” Miss Crystal demanded, suddenly dramatically pointing at Shuuichi, who jumped at the sudden violence of her movement. But she immediately let the hand fall, waving it idly too and fro as she said sadly, her whole body sagging in disappointment, “Don’t answer that. I know you haven't. The negative energy is radiating off of you. Being that tensed up all the time isn’t good for you, Shu-Shu. Not physically, emotionally, or cosmically either.”

Shuuichi’s eyes widened for a moment… before his gaze narrowed coldly. “Please do not refer to me in that way. You may call me Shuuichi or Mr. Saihara. Thank you.”

Miss Crystal’s eyes narrowed in interest, looking at the spaces just above Shuuichi’s skin with an analytical stare… before saying, “Of course, Shuuichi! Thank you so much for letting me use your first name. I’m a little fuzzy on how strict it is, but I’ve gathered by this point that titles are expected in Luminary between strangers. But! You and I won’t be strangers soon! So that’s delightful~!!”

“I’m only here for one session, and I’m just listening in-”

“Of course, of course, of course! Now, as a rule, my and Kaito~” the woman had a way of saying Kaito’s name, that Shuuichi was noticing she did almost every time. Her voice going higher and higher until she got to the ‘t’, before warbling out at the ‘o’, like each time she said his name she was suddenly speaking to how someone might talk to a small child or a pet, “Don’t actually start the clock until we’ve ordered food. Which is why I can delight in small talk and hello’s right now! But, once our orders are in, boom! Deep talk time! Until our time’s up, o~ooooooor, if we need to stop earlier to give Kaito~ a break if he needs one by that point. Does that all make sense to you?”

Shuuichi nodded, listening carefully, a tension in his back. This was it. This was the moment where he’d see what kind of conditioning this woman’s been doing to Kaito this whole time. Honestly, Shuuichi had been a little worried about this since Kaito had started doing it. He had only not spied or followed through on voicing his fears because Maki had already done so and vouched for this woman, and Shuuichi trusted her judgment on these kinds of things. But, well… now he’d get to make a call himself, on if she was good or bad for Kaito. 

As Shuuichi mentally prepared to dissect what this was all going to be about, the woman cackled, pleased as punch, as a waitress who had lost the staff’s game of rock paper scissors, warily came over to the table to take the always erratic and strange groups orders.

-

About an hour later…

-

“It’s not your fault though. As the person who keeps reaching out to continue the relationship, with no idea why the relationship has fallen apart, it is distinctly not your fault. You’re not a mind reader, and you’re not in control of her feelings. If she refuses to communicate, then the loss of the relationship, at the very least, is her choice and responsibility, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for that.”

“But I had to have done something.” Shuuichi insisted through his tears, while Kaito dipped a french fry into his milkshake, having long stopped being the focus of this particular session and kinda enjoying not being the sobbing, angry mess in public for once. “If she’s not talking to me because she’s ashamed of me, then, yes, it is my fault, and my responsibility to repair the relationship. She wouldn’t be doing this i-if I hadn’t messed up! So I need to fix it!”

“You’ve already tried to fix it. You’ve sent her five letters over a period of six months. You can’t force her to fulfil her role in this relationship if she doesn’t want to do it, but beating yourself up and agonizing over what your faults were that resulted in her dismissal when she refuses to clarify them to you is only going to hurt you. Especially if the issues that broke up the relationship are things you’ve already acknowledged and are actively working on. Sure, you were a drug addict. But you’re not now. And it’s not your fault she had decided not to account for that. You’re successfully in recovery and moving on from that point in your life. If that’s the reason you believe she refuses to talk to you now, that endlessly guilting yourself over a problem you’ve already solved will accomplish nothing and only hurt you.”

“Sure, that’s easy to say… but it doesn’t solve my problem. I want her back in my life… I want Miya to know her someday…”

“I’m sorry. The cruel answer is, unless she wants that too? It’s not going to happen. And you can’t control what she wants. You can only accept what you do have control over, which is how you approach her not wanting the relationship, and mentally dissecting yourself until you’re a version of yourself you think she will accept is not only harmful, but potentially pointless, because you have no idea what she’s thinking and she is refusing to tell you.”

“...that sucks.”

“Yeah, most of the answers suck.” Kaito agreed sympathetically, sipping on his milkshake. “It’s always ‘acceptance of the past’ this and ‘acknowledge what you can and can’t control’ that and, ugh, my personal favorite, ‘personal growth is a personal thing, you can’t change others, you can only change you’. Sucks. Everyone just needs to shut up and do what I say and it’d all be fine. That was literally going to be my job at one point, just let me do it already.” Kaito grumbled, looking exasperated.

“Oh-ho ho ho ho, there’s that royal humor I love to hate!” Miss Crystal coo’d, watching with interest as Kaito suddenly looked alarmed at what he said, Shuuichi giving him a mildly surprised look, as Kaito mumbled a ‘sorry… just kidding...obviously.’ to his boyfriend.

Getting Kaito to acknowledge some of his nobility bias in thinking through humor, at least during these sessions, had been a game changer for his anger management. Sure, she understood and respected why he suppressed that way of thinking in general, especially considering the circumstances of his closest friends births, but… a lot of his anger issues had been dredged pretty deeply in that elitist, royalty raised way of thinking Kaito had been refusing to acknowledge in himself, and, well… you couldn’t therapize thoughts the subject was too embarrassed or ashamed to admit to thinking. It was like a rotting tooth! You had to drill into it before it could start to heal!

Shuuichi, to his credit, didn’t let Kaito’s lament distract too much from his own thing, eating a chicken strip miserably as he said, “Fine. So, I can’t control Miss Kirigiri and force her back into my life… but I can’t stop wanting to do that either. So, what? I’m just supposed to give up and stew in my misery?”

“Mmmmm, if you wanted too, I guess.” Miss Crystal shrugged, eating her breaded shrimp, before saying, “But lets try this instead. From now on, every time you find yourself missing her and wanting to talk to her? Either because your happy or you’ve done something you think will make her proud, or you’re angry at her or someone else and you want to express that to her? I want you to write her the letters. Really, really write them. Spill out all of your thoughts onto them. But… this time you’re writing with no intention of sending her these letters. You will write the letters, sign it, seal it, and you will put it into a box! And that’s where those letters will live.”

“Annnnnd, because I like to know my homework is getting done, and you already ignored my last homework assignment I gave you, your rock painfully unpolished, your next therapy session with me, you will bring the box and show it to me-”

“I’m… not going to have another therapy session with you? This is a one time thing-

“Uh huh, uh huh, of course, so, theoretically, next time, you’ll bring the box to the session. I won’t read the letters! They’re sealed and only for you to read, and whoever you’d want to show them someday. But I want to see, overtime, that box get filled. Do you think you can do that for me, Shuuichi?”

Shuuichi gave Kaito a baffled look, who just shrugged, before saying warily, “Honestly, man, just say yes. She’s real pushy sometimes, it’s easier.”

“Um… okay… yes, I can give that a try… but we’re not having another therap-”

“OH~ HO HO HO HO! And I HAVE THE PERFECT PEN FOR YOU TO WRITE WITH TOO! It’s made with a special type of wood, writing with this pen will really re-balance your chakra and cleanse your energies, normally two hundred silves a pop, but for the boyfriend of my very favorite client, this ones free! Ink refills can be found in any office store, they’re usually a couple of copper, any color! WHAT A DEAL!!!”

As the therapist cackled, Shuuichi just looked entirely baffled as she shoved a strange, colorful wooden pen into his hands, and Kaito just sighed. Sipping his milkshake and trying not to feel the rest of the diners stares against his neck.

-

Shuuichi didn’t have class that day, so Kokichi didn’t have an afternoon timer to worry about, but that afternoon ended up being quite stressful anyway. Kaito and Shuuichi were seeing Miss Crystal that day, and Kokichi was...partly excited, partly just...nervously expectant at finding out what Shuuichi thought about therapy, and Kokichi and his therapist had talked about it for a little bit, but…

The topic had changed quite a bit. 

Kokichi had woken up that morning feeling...odd. His chest felt a little tight, but after some breathing exercises and something warm to drink he was fine. And for his emotions… Determination, resolve, outrage, regret, a deep, deep sadness that on the crests of waves could drown out everything else… He was feeling a lot of things and...he didn’t really know why. 

His therapist said there didn’t really need to be a trigger for emotions, sometimes, and that it could just be past things catching up with him. Or maybe even just an odd dream. But they’d urged him to talk about anything on his mind. 

...Kokichi talked about Aiichi. They’d talked...a lot about Aiichi already, and they talked about him for a long time today too. Kokichi, for one of the first times since he’d started therapy, bursting out into frustrated, hurt tears, talking about the lonely, miserable circumstances of his childhood, and the deep resentment for his father that, though they were both working towards something better, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to genuinely let go. 

Sometimes...that’s just how things went. That even if two people put in a good faith effort...even changing wasn’t enough to make up for the damage that had been done. But it had still been a relatively short amount of time, and his therapist had encouraged Kokichi and his father to keep at it, if it was something they both wanted. That it would always be Kokichi’s choice if he wanted to keep his father in his life. 

Thankfully, Kokichi had already had this conversation with Aiichi, but...his therapist said that maybe it warranted going over again. 

That conversation led to Kokichi talking about that sort of abuse in general, and then to what kind of person he wanted to be, both to avoid the same pattern and, just...because the past six months had been nothing but soul-searching for Kokichi, if nothing else. And while he resolved his focus to not let down his people or his family...Kokichi was the kind of person that cared. 

So of course he was worried about people who weren’t even his people too. But the fact of the matter was...there wasn’t anything he could do. So while his kind heart was not a flaw, agonizing over a situation he had no hand in was only damaging himself. And the people who loved him, seeing him in that agony. Hope for the best, and if there was a chance to do something, consider it then, but...focus more on the world around you, the world you could touch. There was already plenty to do there. 

Kokichi left his session with puffy eyes but a satisfied smile on his face as he walked back to the castle. ...for some reason, his chest was hurting a little again though.

-

Kaito was looking at the list of potential relationship counselors-- Miss Crystal had recommended them over a marriage counselor, as a polyamorous relationship between three people in different legal commitments tended to need a different type of thought process-- with a small frown, kinda wishing Miss Crystal had just… told him which one they should go to, rather then giving them options. Originally picking Ford had been a tiresome process, and Kaito had been sorta thrilled when the next time, Miss Crystal had just sorta been assigned to him. He didn’t know what made a good therapist… what was he supposed to be looking for?

As Shuuichi quietly napped in front of the fire, cocooned in blankets and pillows after complained about feeling worn down from crying and his ankles swelling up in the cold, Kaito glanced at his extremely pregnant boyfriend and sighed a little. ...it would take some convincing, but Kaito was going to try to talk him into setting up another appointment with Miss Crystal. The breakdown at the diner was a clear sign Shuuichi was struggling with some stuff that he, at the very least, wasn’t talking to Kaito about. Miss Crystal was… incredibly annoying, and embarrassing, and so presumptuous, and her homework assignments were sometimes baffling… but she really had helped a lot since Kaito had started seeing her.

Hopefully Kokichi’s session had gone well today too… ugh, how was he supposed to pick from this list? Was he going to have to go talk to them? Well, that sounded exhausting…

After a session like that, all Kokichi wanted to do was cuddle up somewhere warm, preferably with at least one of his partners, and just...rest. Thankfully, barring any emergency, he could do just that, but Kokichi stopped by the med ward first, back straight as he explained that his chest was feeling a little weird, probably from straining himself in the cold, or something. And...he just got his tea and was free to go. 

Taking care of himself, able to make the decisions to do so. 

Kokichi knocked softly at their door before he set about unlocking it, sipping from a capped cup of his tea, and the scene inside their room was just the type of coziness he was looking for. 

Shucking off his shoes and outer layers, Kokichi headed over to place a kiss on Kaito’s temple, looking over fondly at Shuuichi’s nested sleeping form. “I’m back… How did it go?”

Kaito lit up when he realized Kokichi was home, though he was quick to put a finger to his mouth and gesture to the nest in front of the fire. Grinning at the kiss, Kaito leaned into it, before sighing. “As good as it could have, really, though the poor guy was in tears halfway through. Miss Crystal just doesn’t hold back… what about yours? And work?”

Kokichi’s eyes widened slightly in concern but...well, that’s how therapy went sometimes. Kokichi had the puffy eyes today to prove it. But...hopefully Shuuichi had gotten an idea of what therapy really meant in Dicea, and would be open to trying out relationship counseling. ...and it was a more distant hope, but Kokichi wondered if Shuuichi would even entertain the idea of getting personal therapy for himself. He and Kaito had talked about bringing it up to him ages ago but...this had really seemed like the only appropriate time. Maybe Shuuichi would see the worth in it…

“Poor Shuu-chan…” Kokichi sighed, leaning against Kaito’s arm to soak up the warmth and comforting presence of his husband. “Work was fine...but I’m really glad I had therapy today. It was…”

He looped his arms around one of Kaito’s, carefully maneuvering his cup so it wouldn’t spill and taking a sip from his new position. “...we talked about a lot of stuff. I...wanted to talk about my childhood again. I think it was just on my mind…”

Kaito felt his own body start to relax. His husband was a calming presence, generally… though, as he reached over to put an arm around his hip, pulling him slightly into a hug and leaning in to kiss his cheek…

...he sniffed. That smelled familiar… he frowned. Looking down at the cup. “...are you feeling okay?”

Kokichi hummed, pleased, as Kaito pulled him into a loose hug, appreciating all the small, affectionate touches...and he nuzzled Kaito in response to the question, kissing his temple again. “Yeah… I think the cold was getting to me today, so I stopped by the med bay and got some tea. Heading anything off before it becomes a problem, you know?”

Kaito still gave the tea a mildly worried look, but… he nodded, placing his forehead against Kokichi’s neck for a moment, hugging him a bit, before pulling back, glancing at the list on the desk as he said, “Miss Crystal also gave me the names of addresses of a few therapists she can vouch for for relationship counseling. Other than names and where their offices are at, I don’t have much info on them. I’m half tempted to just close my eyes and pick one…”

Looking up at Kokichi, the little, puffy eyes… “I swear, therapists have a daily bingo card where making us cry is the center freebie square… is it still on your mind? Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Mm...if they came recommended, then meeting with any of them would probably be fine...but I can look up business reviews for them later, if you want. It’s a little difficult, with healers, since people aren’t allowed to put any personal issues and information in the review, but general stuff like how the healer likes to tackle issues, and if the patients feel listened to, and if their time is used respectfully… If nothing else, it could give us a little more of an idea of what the counselor’s like.”

Kokichi sighed as he sipped more from his tea, giving Kaito a soft, tired look. “I think...I’m okay now. Kinda talked myself out, honestly… But…” 

But he was Kokichi, and was never truly talked out, so he smiled as he rested his head against Kaito’s. “...I came to a decision. I’m not perfect, but with every piece of myself I can put strive into… I want to be a good leader for my people, and a good husband and partner and father and son and uncle and brother and friend for the people around me. Selfishly...I’m not going to let down anyone.”

...selfish?

Kato gave his husband a curious look, a little befuddled, but… his husband looked sincere. Sighing, Kaito wrapped his arms around Kokichi’s waist, kissing against his cheek a few times before finally capturing one for his lips, kissing him gently, lingering there… before giving Kokichi an exasperated look, kissing between his brows. “You say strange things, sometimes, ‘Kichi. This is why people call you a brat. How is it selfish to not want to let anyone down?”

Kokichi rolled his eyes a little and placed another kiss at the corner of Kaito’s mouth. “People like to make dichotomies… Say that you can’t place all of your effort in multiple places. And...I’m refusing that. I’m not going to choose between my family and my country…’cause I can do both. Some people may call that an overly hopeful wish but I’m getting out ahead of it, and refusing to see it as a dream.”

“...it’s my life, and it’s what I’m dedicating myself to. My family, and my people. All together.”

Kaito’s eyes brow twitched. Dichotomies… he didn’t know that word. Did he? Maybe it would come to him later. He wasn’t feeling super sharp lately...

But… he did think he understood what Kokichi was saying though. 

Kaito didn’t really know what to say at first. There was some part of him that was… sad. A little… wary and reserved. He wanted to believe in Kokichi.

...he would. If Kokichi was saying he was willing to try to prioritize the family alongside the country… then Kaito would believe him. Kokichi usually meant what he said. He’d try. And if he couldn’t, well… they’d figure that out when it came to it. 

“...okay.” Kaito said, uncharacteristically softly. “Thank you, Kokichi.”

Kokichi wrapped his arms as well as he could around Kaito’s shoulders and gave him a hug, just...pressing himself against Kaito for a good moment. “...I know I can’t always be who you need...who you were expecting me to be. Kai-chan deserves a lot that I just...can’t be.”

“But I love you, and I love Shuu-chan, and I love the rest of our family. You’re precious to me...and the thought of...having to turn my back or prioritize you after other things…” Kokichi’s expression saddened, hardened, for a moment, in an anger that had been expressed, but would remain in a deep undercurrent within him for quite some time. “...I hate it. I never want to leave you thinking that you’re not...as monumentally important to me as you are. So...I’m choosing everything. And I’m not going to fail.”

“...it’s for you, Kai-chan. I’m choosing you,” Kokichi murmured, just as soft before he took a breath. “You might be able to tell...it was a really long session today.”

“...y-yeah! I bet… sounds harder th-than mine was… just ate fries and ice cream a-and watched Shuuichi talk…”

Kaito was trying to grin but… his eyes were swimming, and he was trying to hide it by burying his forehead against Kokichi’s shoulder. His grip around Kokichi’s waist having gotten tighter, his fists balling almost violently into his clothes. That had touched a nerve, and he just… hadn’t been prepared to be that emotional in that moment. He felt overwhelmed. He wanted to run to his shrine, but also couldn’t bare the idea of being far from Kokichi, so he just… froze. Caught uselessly between the two desires.

Kaito tried to say something else. Something about Shuuichi finally getting to see how extremely extra Miss Crystal was about everything. Something about how Kokichi was going to be a great father to Miya. Something about loving him… but every word just choked at his throat uselessly.

Giving his husband a soft look, Kokichi reached over to set his cup on the desk before swinging his legs around Kaito’s, crawling into his husband’s lap and pulling him into a more full hug, holding him close. 

“I love you, Kai-chan. Every moment. Life is best spent with the people you care about, and for you...I never want to miss a moment. I make mistakes, sometimes we struggle to understand each other...but we care, and I care, and I’m never going to stop trying to be the best I can for you. You’re worth everything to me.”

Kokichi felt a tired pressure behind his eyes, apparently genuinely cried out for the time being, but feeling that strong surge of emotion nonetheless. He didn’t expect Kaito to say anything...just as long as Kokichi managed to convey his own meaning. As long as Kaito understood that, Kokichi was happy. And happy to hold his husband close while he...took it in, or thought through what he needed to. 

...but something light and happy in Kokichi told him that...for once, he’d made the perfect decision. He’d said something right to his husband.

Kaito laughed a little as Kokichi crawled into his lap, putting his hand over his face when Kokichi oh so cruelly exposed him by moving around, before eagerly gripping back into the hug, burying his face into Kokichi’s hair. It was probably uncomfortable, having someone cry into your skull, but, well, if Kokichi didn’t want a sobbing husband all over him, then he had no right to be saying things like that. 

...Kaito hadn’t realized how huge a relief, hearing something like that would actually be. And, though he was afraid of waking Shuuichi with his desperate attempts to talk through tears, volume control always being rough trying something dumb like that, after a moment Kaito murmured out in a shaky breath, “...I-I’ve known you loved me. I k-know that… I k-know honoring your vows w-wasn’t you saying you d-didn’t… th-that it has nothing to do with me…”

...Kaito’s shoulders shook as he confessed, “But I keep...k-kept thinking that… m-maybe if I was better? If I did something b-better… m-maybe I could compete a-anyway…” Kaito laughed at himself, shaking his head against Kokichi’s hair. “Y-you’re dumb Kai-chan, th-thinking he could c-compete against a c-country...and I k-know that was the wrong way to th-think about it but… I really couldn’t s-stop…”

Kaito tried to keep going, but his throat closed again, his attempts at speaking just resulting in a small, wet, choking sound for a moment. He paused, trying to collect himself, just… breathing against Kokichi… and when he felt put back together enough to keep talking, he said, “...I really… I really… thank you. I love you, and… I love you. I just… I really… fuck I wish I could think of something better to say than that.” Kaito whined, feeling exasperated with himself now. “...I guess I really can’t express what that means to me…”

Kokichi smiled softly as he heard and felt Kaito sob into his head, feeling...at peace, maybe weirdly, for having his beloved husband sobbing above him. 

He didn’t remember their conversation in the Memorial Garden word for word. It was too long ago, and Kokichi didn’t have Shuuichi’s memory. But...he remembered enough. The despair of two people realizing that...they didn’t know how to communicate. That what meant the world to one was nothing to the other. That they were...practically different beings entirely…

He remembered Kaito’s despair as he took in that...so much of his life was either gone or crumbling, and he’d been helpless to do anything about it. Kept out of the conversation and decisions entirely, never being able to make a choice, realizing that he wasn’t…

“You’re enough. You are enough,” Kokichi softly stressed, holding Kaito’s shoulders tightly, as if he could speak with his whole body to insist upon that point. “Kai-chan is incredible, and he is more than enough for me. I’m… You know how horrible I am at seeing what’s in front of me… But I’m never letting go now. You are my priority, you are enough, and we’re going to spend our long, long lives together, seeing each other that whole time. I’ll accept nothing less.”

...maybe in one of his lows he’d doubt that last part more, but...his intention was there. And there was no point in living like you were already dead.

Kaito laughed, a loud, barking thing, as he was finally actually able to look at Kokichi, his eyes red and shiny and just a little… sheepish and giggly. A wide, beaming grin on his face as his cheeks and neck burned red as he laughed somewhat self-consciously, bringing up on arm and lightly-- but also, like, not that light-- pushing his palm against Kokichi’s shoulderblade, hitting it playfully as he said, “Stoooop. Fuck, babe, you’re gonna overload me…”

Kaitos’ face hurt a little, for how hard he was grinning, even as his eyes still burned with tears that he hadn’t quite gotten a hold of. 

Laughing sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, Kaito rubbed his eyes, trying to just… at least kind of put himself together as he took a few calming breath between his embarrassed fits of laughter. 

And, when he felt a little less like he was going to fall apart, a little more in control of himself, he beamed at Kokichi, “...yeah! We’re gonna do all of that. And… and I’m really excited for it! Because I really wanna live my life with you! And… and you know I feel the same, right? I mean, I think you know I feel the same… so… um…”

Kaito’s brow furrowed, before, wiping his eyes again, before, sighing, bowing his head and closing his eyes.

“...Kokichi, as your husband, I swear to support you and your goals in any way I can. I know you have an incredibly important duty to your people, and that sometimes, that might force you to make hard choices between us and them. I swear, knowing that you’ll prioritize us when you can… I swear to support you when you can’t. To not make it harder on you. To help when I can. On Atua’s name, I swear it.”

“Mmmmm… you guys are loud…” Shuuichi mumbled into his pillows, shifting among the blankets. “Are you guys being dramatic?” he grumbled, peeking up and glaring blearily at them. “Stop that.”

That giddy, overwhelmed look...Kokichi found he liked it on Kaito. Not something he’d even want to put on his husband’s face all that frequently, but...every now and again, during moments like these… It was a good look on the older prince. 

Kokichi let out a quiet, “oof,” when Kaito thumped his back, but continued to smile sweetly at his husband, holding him close and starting to rub little circles on his shoulders. Even being the cause of it, Kokichi waited and tried to help Kaito calm himself, and…

Those promises back...to believe in Kokichi and support him. His promise to their family. 

Kokichi leaned in and kissed Kaito, before breaking with a bit of a laugh when Shuuichi piped up. “Sorry, honeypie… We’re swearing our love, and our partner is being very sweet… You’ll get a turn later, once you’ve rested, don’t worry.”

Shuuichi looked back and forth between Kaito and Kokichi, still kinda asleep, honestly. Kaito looked half-drenched in tears, but seemed incredibly happy otherwise, looking at Kokichi like he thought all the stars were in the other prince’s eyes, and Kokichi just had this calm, satisfied expression on him that was… unique in just how self-assured it was. Kaito overwhelmed and giddy, Kokichi entirely confident, almost suave.

“...you’re both being weird.” Shuuichi decided, flumping back into the blankets and pulling them defensibly over his head, still leaving his feet sticking out to get that sweet, sweet fire action, “Don’t drag me into your weirdness.”

“Already waaaaay too late for that, handsome. Our weirdness is growing inside of you. Hard to get more involved than that.” Kaito laughed, capturing another kiss from Kokichi, still just beaming at him, before holding him close, resting his head against Kokichi’s shoulder. Fuck… he had needed to hear something like that for… for awhile now… it was almost embarrassing, realizing how badly he had needed to hear that… he just felt…

… less alone, honestly. And Kaito let out a shuddering breath, realizing, despite everything that… yeah… he had felt pretty adrift for a hot minute now. It was funny how that worked. He had felt out of the loop and just… out of step with everyone for awhile now. He knew most of that was his own fault. That it was basically all in his head, but…

He wasn’t really sure how to articulate it. He hadn’t realized he had felt isolated right up until Kokichi had made him feel less so. He couldn’t explain it to himself. He’d pray about it later.

Kissing Kokichi again, Kaito teased, “You’re all wet, babe. Want some fire time?”

Kokichi snorted, looking over at Shuuichi fondly, but he’d meant what he said. Pulling Shuuichi into any sort of conversation, whether it be him passing on his vows again, simply declaring his love again, or some entirely unrelated line of thinking...Shuuichi looked sleepy, so they could let him sleep. He was far too embroiled in their weirdness to entirely escape, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have enough time for naps. 

Plus, it felt like Kaito still wanted him there, at least for a bit. Kokichi laid soft kisses on Kaito’s cheeks after the one he initiated, rubbing his shoulders and running a gentle hand down his neck when Kaito rested against Kokichi’s shoulder. Pretty much...both his shoulders and the top of his head were pretty wet now from Kaito’s tears, but it was something Kokichi was...almost proud of. Being able to declare something that meant so much to Kaito it moved him to tears, and to be able to hold him through those tears, keeping his husband stable while his emotions overwhelmed him. 

For all his difficulties in reaching out to people, in being able to connect with them...Kokichi was getting better everyday. There was no better way to see that than with his family, and they were the people he was most proud to be able to touch. 

Kokichi smiled into the kiss Kaito gave when he lifted his head again, snuggling against his body. “If I don’t incur the wrath of a jealous Shuu-chan monster, I’d love to. It was really cold today…”

Wiggling off Kaito’s lap, Kokichi headed over to the nest Shuuichi had made, trying not to block any of the heat from warming his boyfriend as he found a space to settle down.

Kaito, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve again, watching with some amusement as Kokichi tried to nustle into the, frankly, over-abundance of pillows and blankets Kaito had raided for his boyfriend. It was cute, watching Kokichi settle into a spot, looking pleased with the space he had made for himself… and then, from beneath the pillow, Shuuichi shifted like a terrifying blanket/pillow monster, reaching out and grabbing Kokichi from the depths, pulling him in.

Whelp. This was how Kaito lost Kokichi, he guessed. Lost to the blanket nest.

“Oh!” While surprised, Kokichi’s exclamation was soft and quickly turned into quiet giggles as he got comfortable in the caverns of the blanket nest. Stretching out next to Shuuichi, not having to worry about his out feet peeking out thanks to their height difference, Kokichi hummed happily. “Mm...even warmer than just the fire. Thanks for sharing, Shuu-chan; I love you.”

Gently, Kokichi placed a kiss on what he presumed was Shuuichi’s shoulder, not feeling lucky enough to try and aim for his mouth or cheek under the blankets. 

“Mmmmmm.” Shuuichi hummed, wrapping his arms around Kokichi, smiling a little at the, roughly, shoulder kiss. “...you are wet. Kaito really cried all over you, huh. Is it because you told him he has to shave his peach fuzz?”

“No! I can’t yet! I have to see if it’s actually going to grow!” Kaito insisted from outside the nest, able to hear them, even if they were pretty muffled.

“You won’t look good with a beard, Kaito.”

“It’s not about that! It’s just amazing that it’s growing at all! I just wanna see if it’ll actually grow before I shave it properly!”

“Gonna sick Denji on you.” Shuuichi muttered. “Gonna wax all the hair off of you. If we leave him to get used to it, we’re gonna end up with another goatee and spiky hair situation. We have to kill it at its source.”

Kokichi giggled, happy with his closeness to Shuuichi. “Don’t you have to shave peach fuzz for it to grow into sturdier hair anyway? Not that I’m anywhere near an authority on facial hair… But as long as I can kiss Kai-chan’s cheek without scraping up my lips, I’m happy.”

“Hmmm…” he hummed, eyes closed and comfortably lounged on the pillows, talking more just to talk that out of burning curiosity. “Has Shuu-chan ever tried to grow a beard? I know we have all our kits ‘n stuff in the bathroom, but I dunno if I’ve ever seen you really, like, face all foamed up gettin’ a full, close shave and all that. Bet you’d get the blessing from your hair and have a really nice beard too…”

“I do actually shave semi-regularly.” Shuuichi said, snuggling deeper into his pillow, enjoying his comfy cave. “But I only have to do it really once a week. I guess you just haven't caught me doing it yet.” 

“I tried growing out my facial hair once, when I got permission from Miss Kirigiri one summer to try it out. I was fourteen, I think? I only lasted three weeks before I got embarrassed and shaved it.” Shuuichi confessed, snickering a little at the memory of high school Shuuichi, “I’m sure it’d have looked okay eventually, but I couldn’t stand the whiskery, patchy look that it starts as. Kaito, though…”

“No part of my face has grown facial hair other then my chin, since ...ever!” Kaito keened outside, looking at his face in the mirror. It was still, really, really light, and, honestly, it wasn’t growing in super quickly or really more than just whispers yet, but… “My Dad always had a full beard, and so did my grandfather... I just thought that it skipped me or something. I can’t believe I’m only growing body hair by this point. I didn’t think it could start this late!”

“Kaito’s a late bloomer,” Shuuichi teased… before saying, somewhat solemnly, “Though, you know… I didn’t have to shave at any point while I was on the pollen? I didn’t realize it until after looking back at it and just realizing I hadn’t had too in months, but… my facial hair just stopped growing while I was on it.”

“Oh,” Kaito realized, “Huh.”

What a weird complete coincidence in their schedules, really. Though, it probably wasn’t the sort of thing Shuuichi would try to knock out in the window after training and before class unless they stopped early or something. And even then, Shuuichi might prefer to spend more time at breakfast, get to campus early, or even try to take a power nap before going to school. And other than mornings and the occasional bath together, it wasn’t that often that any of them went to the bathroom together. 

“Huh…” Kokichi hummed to the mystery of Kaito’s facial hair. A part of him wondering...since they still had no idea how long there had actually been spores in Kaito’s system...but… “...I mean...it’s kinda weak if it’s not something that runs in your family, but there are people who don’t grow much more than patchy stuff until their thirties.” He didn’t want to right out say that there were, technically, other possibilities, because then they’d all be thinking of that main possibility. 

“...I think my dad does touch-ups ‘n stuff, and Grandpa Hoshino died before I was born so I never met him, but I’ve never really been able to grow much of anything. Sometimes the areas in front of my ears and under my nose get a little fuzzy, but I pretty much shave it off as soon as I notice and don’t end up having to think about it again for quite a while.”

Kaito’s eyes widened, “Ooooh… little ‘Kichi with sideburns… that’s kinda cute…”

“Noooo.” Shuuichi grumbled, “I like clean-shaven Kokichi. Don’t put bad ideas into his head.”

“I know you don’t want the furry look now, Shuuichi, but man, imagine me in my forties and fifties? Ginger beard on my face, wrinkles starting to form around the eyes and cheeks… damn! I’m gonna be fucking hot! Come ooooon, facial hair… grow.” Kaito insisted. Glaring at his chin, as if he could force it to appear right then and there.

Kokichi leaned in to place another kiss around Shuuichi’s approximate shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’m not about to hide my pretty face under some honestly pathetic wispy fuzz. Maybe when I’m old and don’t give even more of a shit to shave, but you’ll have plenty of smooth-cheeked time with me yet!”

For some reason, Kokichi found it...easier to imagine them all in their lives together far down the road. See could see himself as a little old man making his way around with a cane, finally fitting his eyes...though for some reason he also imagined himself with glasses, though no one in his family had had issues with eyesight. But it was still a nice picture. 

Then Kokichi grinned devilishly, even if he was under the blanket. All too innocently, his voice rang out. “Wrinkles starting to form?”

Shuuichi blinked in the darkness, confused for half a second… before, almost on instinct, his face went soft and demur, even though no one could see him, as he ‘whispered’ conspiratorially to Kokichi, “Shhh, not so loud… he hasn’t noticed yet…”

“...noticed what?” Kaito asked, staring at himself in the mirror. His face blank and baffled, looking at his skin… before suddenly shouting, “NOTICED WHAT!? WHERE!? WHERE IS THE WRINKLE!? I CAN’T HAVE WRINKLES AT TWENTY-THREE, IT’S TOO SOON!!”

Kaito pulled at the skin on his face in desperation, looking at his face from one angle to the next, trying to see what they were talking about, before huffing, heading to the bathroom. “Shuuichi! I’m borrowing some of your lotions!”

Kokichi had his bottom lip between his teeth, his shoulders trembling with how hard he was trying to keep his guffaws in. He tipped his head forward against Shuuichi’s shoulder, just...trying to stifle any little mischievous squeak that tried to escape. 

Maybe it was a little mean, but Kaito did make it too easy…

“You’re not running low on any lotions, are you? I can make it up if you are...maybe do another soap trip soon.”

Shuuichi huffed a little laugh. “Between Ikuo and Hajime? I’m swimming in lotion. I don’t know what got into Hajime’s head specifically, but apparently the man’s just decided that randomly gifting me lotions is the thing he’s going to do now. I think someone in his family works at one of those fancy bath and body places? And I guess someone told him lotions were useful for pregnant people, so…” 

Shuuichi rolled his eyes, before sighing, “It’s nice of them to think of me. But wow. Never knew there were this many types of lotions in my whole life.”

Kokichi hummed, nodding in agreement. “There’s a lot of body products you’d never think existed… Like, Denji-chan used to call my room a hellhole, and, sure, I like it messy, but when I see their room? It’s...like...I don’t even understand. I don’t know why they have half the stuff they do, ‘cause it genuinely just looks like the same stuff and not like in a backup way. I kinda get it for pins and hair ties, but for certain types of makeup, lotions, hair products…”

He sighed, drained even just thinking about all the products in his sibling’s room, though in fairness it was coupled with memories of having them used on him. “Like...I don’t understand the difference between a spray you put on before makeup, and the spray afterward. It’s not like it acts like a mask so you can just peel makeup off in one fell swoop--ya still gotta wash it all off and get big-ol raccoon marks around your eyes and spend forever trying to wipe it off…”

“I’ve never worn make-up.” Shuuichi mused, feeling a little too warm now as he made a little hole in the blankets above them, bringing in light and letting Shuuichi settled back down, looking at Kokichi, “Didn’t Denji get you products for Unity? Do you know how to put any of that stuff on?”

“I dunno if you’d like it,” Kokichi sighed, pulling back a little from his usual bratty insistence against the pageantry of appearance. He didn’t know if Shuuichi would ever enjoy makeup, or if Miya would for that matter, and the last thing he wanted to do was discourage an interest before someone had even figured out if they liked it. “You’d think for something that’s basically painting but on your body I’d be more into it, but I just don’t like how it feels… And I like not having to worry about rubbing my face or pressing my face into stuff and not leaving a mark.”

Kokichi squinted a bit as Shuuichi opened up a hole in the blanket cave, having gotten used to the darkness, but it wasn’t long before he settled...and bashfully grimaced. “...they did, didn’t they… I totally forgot, since you guys put everything away while I was sleeping…” Sighing, he shrugged a bit. “I mean...theoretically, I could probably figure some out, and it’s all labeled… And I know stuff like, you’re supposed to make sure your face is washed and clean before you do anything, then you put on, like, toner and moisturizer… Maybe concealer’s next? But if you’re gonna do like...mm, contouring, that’s the word; if you’re gonna do that, I’m not sure…”

Shuuichi binked blearily at Kokichi… before grunting, reaching up and closing the hole as he said, “No, no. Nevermind. That’s too much.”

“What’s too much?” Kaito asked, face shiny with lotion he was still rubbing in, looking curiously down at the blanket nest. “Also, aren’t you guys hot in there?”

“I have to stay in here for safety… Kaito, there’s too much to makeup. If Miya wants to learn it, you have to study it to teach her. That’s your responsibility now.” Shuuichi said from beneath the blankets. “I just can’t do it.”

Kaito frowned, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t know anything about makeup, why do I have to do it? Kokichi actually wears the stuff, he should do it.”

“Not willingly!” Kokichi protested, remembering at the last moment to keep his voice down not to blow out Shuuichi’s eardrums. “As it stands, if she wants to learn, I’m taking her to Denji-chan, and we can learn together. I think they’d insist on it if I tried to teach Miya anyway. I can also be the supervised model, while you two are the freestyle ones.”

Kokichi paused for a moment before continuing in a more considering tone of voice. “...I kinda hope she gets into nail painting. I don’t really have the patience to do it myself, and it always chips too soon, but I’ve always thought it’s pretty. I’d be happy to be a test subject for our daughter.”

Kaito smirked at the pile, his men being cute… before glancing at the desk. Oh, right…

Picking up the tea, Kaito headed to the head of the nest, poking roughly where he thought Kokichi was. “Babe. Did you want to finish your drink?”

There was a pause before Kokichi sighed, wiggling his head out through the top of the nest and trying to sit up a little on his side. “I should finish it...it’s not good to take partial doses. I dunno if it’s just me, but if we are getting another cold front, I wanna be prepared. No more colds this season! I’m done!”

Pouting, Kokichi tried to knock back the rest of the tea.

“Chug, chug, chug!” Kaito encouraged, his grin entirely shit eating as he snickered at Kokichi, “Chug that cold away!”

“You’re so louuud Kaito.” Shuuichi grumbled,sitting up, his hair a mess, sticking up in all directions, sweating slightly and taking in a few needy breaths, appreciating the slightly cooler air outside the nest. “...nails, huh?” Shuuichi looked down at his hands, “... I mean, I guess I could let her put a tasteful black on me…”

“Right, cause Atua forbid literally any color graces our Shuuichi’s clothes.” Kaito teased, rolling his eyes a little, before brightening up, “I think gold would look good on both of you!”

“Our nails or just in general?”

“It can be both!”

“Eeeeurah…” Kokichi half-coughed as he finished, grimacing at the bitter aftertaste, the tea not able to hide all of the medicine’s flavor this time. The better he took care of himself, the less often he’d have to take his medicine--to a point, anyway--and...that was all he could aim for. Only sweet things gracing his tongue, thanks. 

Shaking his head a little, Kokichi stretched over to lay the cup somewhere out of knocking-over distance. “I dunno, I think a nice sparkly silver would look nice on Shuu-chan’s nails too. Or a dark blue… But for myself, I’m hoping she goes wild, choosing a different color for every nail! And then, like, random rainbow polka dots if she starts wanting to do designs!”

He giggled, splaying his fingers out as if he could see the designs now, but then he just grinned up at Kaito. “Kai-chan just wants us all be-decked out in gold and gems and silk, right? As pompously fancy as fancy can get, so he can fawn over us and squee and be all like ‘ah, yes, all precious things, but the most priceless are the people wearing it all’.”

“Aha, someone feels like they got me figured out.” Kaito grinned, giving Kokichi a wink, before sitting down cross legged at the head of the nest, without trying to burrow his way in himself. It wasn’t quite big enough to comfortably account for an extra six foot idiot, so Kaito was content to just sit near them, looking over them and getting to watch the fire too. 

“...” Shuuichi raised an eyebrow, “Isn’t that where you say ‘but’ and refute it?”

“Huh? Why? That’s absolutely what I want to do.” Kaito said, giving Shuuichi an equally baffled look. “Obviously.”

Then Kaito sighed happily, running a hand through his hair as he leaned back against the other one, a small blush spreading heatedly across his face as he said, “My Shuuichi and Kokichi, all lavished out like the most desired of all treasures… comfy and spoiled and just… drenched in wealth and luxuries… surrounded by rare cheeses and perfectly ripened fruit and their any random whim indulged…”

“Could we have jalapenos too?” Shuuichi asked, watching Kaito’s face fall into full daydream mode with some amusement.

Kaito frowned, nose wrinkling in distaste as he conceded with clearly some reluctance, “I mean… yeah? I guess? If you really want some, I guess??”

Kokichi snickered, returning Kaito’s wink, absolutely knowing that he’d gotten it right on. His husband was a complex man, but there were parts of him that were incredibly simple and easy to know. And his luxurious affection for his partners was just about on the level of his tendency to shy away from spicy food. 

“Jalapenos aren’t even that hot…” Kokichi murmured as he settled back down, half in the nest but deciding to use Kaito’s legs as a pillow rather than the actual pillows. “And...mm. There’s a style of curry that’s named after jewels, actually. Pifet-style Ruby, Emerald, and Topaz curries… They’re all pretty similar, but have a few ingredient changes--and general spice levels, of course. Would that fit better in the theme?”

Kaito pouted, face paling as he idly ran his fingers through Kokichi’s hair, “...I mean, I guess the names are pretty… but…”

“But I wanna get to kiss you guys in this fantasy!” Kaito whined, shooting Shuuichi a glare as his boyfriend just mockingly laughed at this, Shuuichi covering his hand to try to hide his amused smirk. “You guys have no idea how amazing you look in this fantasy! And I won’t be able to kiss you if we’re adding spicy things to it!”

“So, what do we look like, in this fantasy then?”

“You remember that fire-dancing thing we saw Shuuichi? The colorful see-through silks and the metal belts and the crazy pretty ankle bracelets and arm bracelets…”

“Those were basically just extra fancy bikinis.”

“....yesssss…”

“Kaito, I’d look ridiculous in something like that.” Shuuichi said dryly. 

“...nah… ya look great… trust me.” Kaito sighed. Face flushed red.

“Mmm, makes me just think that in the fantasy Kai-chan has built up a spice-tolerance just for the sole purpose of still being able to kiss us without dying when we eat food that I guess you could say has some spice to it,” Kokichi teased, though he was quite relaxed on Kaito’s legs, smiling as his husband played with his hair. 

It was pretty fun, feeding into Kaito’s imagination, though Kokichi was a little worried about what would happen when they gave Kaito enough scenarios that he could barely juggle them all. Maybe there wasn’t a limit to that, though. Kaito was a very creative person. 

While Kokichi didn’t think much of the outfits--he wasn’t thrilled over the idea of wearing a bikini--their inspiration got him to perk up. “Fire-dancing? What’s that like?”

“Hm? Oh…” Kaito tried to brush off the mental image of his partners, his minds eye having been tracing far too much Shuuichi’s backside curve in the costume, while fantasy Kokichi had been leaning back, showing off his cute, thin legs, beaming up at Kaito, enticing him in… alright, snap out of it. “Um, I’m not sure how to describe it.”

“I mean, ultimately, they’re these men and women who wear these really old school style of formal wear? Like, reaaaaallly old school.” Kaito said, thinking back on it, “Fire dancing itself is considered one of those fancy traditional things we keep up for really formal events, like, I’m sure Byakuya’s coronation had some at some point. But, it’s really fallen out of practice… not a lot of people know how to do it anymore, in Luminary. Couldn’t tell you why it fell out of favor, it’s actually really cool. Though, I couldn’t tell you why the tradition was ever a thing in the first place.” Kaito confessed, shrugging.

“One of those things lost in the change of the calender, most likely.” Shuuichi mused, “As for what it actually is, the people twirl and dance with fire torches wearing almost nothing, really. It’s incredible how they don’t burn themselves… or maybe they do and they just don’t react to it. I couldn’t say. But, I found the most alarming thing they did was they’d swallow this gas like substance? Some of them just held it in their mouths and spat it, but others swallowed it, and could blow it through their noses, or, I suppose, belch it out in a stream.”

“Yeah, it’s wild! They dance at night, and there’s always this crazy, heart thumping drums, and when they’re all in the middle of it, it’s like the whole stage and performers are these constantly moving, dancing flames… it was exhilarating! And kinda scary!” Kaito laughed, shaking his head, “Maybe that’s why it fell out of favor? I gotta imagine that’s a tough skill to master. How does the fire not burn you from the inside out?”

Oh...that was disappointing. It was inevitable that some things were lost to time, but the past was important to hold on to. To keep in perspective the things that were important to the people who came before, to keep alive what they’d learned. There were...countless clubs and classes and disciplines and...all sorts of ways that they tried to keep traditions and practices alive--having the leader and heir be fluent in Tradean, for one. Though, Kokichi supposed he was a bit of an outlier, since the castle itself was supposed to be an archive of Dicea’s history, so he was a bit more immersed than some. 

But even if the “whys” were gone from the public consciousness, Kokichi was happy to hear that there were still some people that took up fire-dancing.

And especially because...it sounded like one of the coolest things he’d ever heard!

Kokichi’s eyes grew wide and starry as Shuuichi and Kaito explained what fire-dancing actually was, “ooh”-ing softly despite himself, trying to imagine it the best he could. “That...that sounds incredible… I hope I get the chance to see a performance, one day…”

“Oh, heck yeah, absolutely. I can ask the event coordinators at home to set something up for whenever we manage to visit.” Kaito grinned, “It’ll be a whole event! That’ll be fun!”

“I’ve actually only seen it once myself.” Shuuichi confessed, shrugging slightly. “Like Kaito said, not a lot of people know how to do it anymore, so it’s really only for special events. I think other then those, the group tours around the country, and I know that fire-dancers have made trips across borders to put on shows as, like, gifts to other royal families. Now that we’re not at war, maybe they’ll come down here one day, as a good will gift from Luminary?”

“I’ve technically seen it three times, but I was too young to remember my first one. I only even know I went because I’ve gotten told the story of how I stole one of the fire torches and almost set a tent on fire when I was, like, three or four or something a few times.” Kaito laughed sheepishly, “God knows how I managed to get my hands on a lit one, or how it stayed lit even as I dragged it sound the dirt, but apparently I managed somehow!”

In whatever Luminary would look like in the future...there were still things in the past to remember. And while there may not be a lot of people taking up the tradition, Kokichi hoped it would stay alive. That the shows the group did would inspire people to learn. 

...and he just really wanted to see a spectacle like that! The Bunny Men had disbanded before he was born, and Kokichi had never been to a proper carnival, and while there were certainly some amazing performances at festivals--and probably smaller shows in town that he’d just missed--seeing D.I.C.E. at the coast had been… Kokichi still didn’t even know how to describe it. Still speechless in awe all these months later. Fire-dancing seemed to be the same sort of thing.

Giggling softly, Kokichi nuzzled at Kaito’s legs. “So talented… Maybe Kai-chan was the right sort of flame-proof hero that’d make an amazing fire-dancer.”

“Heh. Think I missed my calling, huh?” Kaito grinned, before snorting a little to himself, “As someone who can’t handle spicy foods? Somehow I think shoving actual fire down my throat would be a little rough. I’m still trying to tackle the Beast, I’ll consider myself successful once I’ve got that mastered.”

“Yeah, Kaito… if you pull that same stunt you tried last time again? You’re never tasting my dick again.” Shuuichi said, giving Kaito a stern look, “Just so you know.”

“Hey, come on! ...yeah, yeah, I know. I got over excited, handled it really poorly… my bad.” Kaito gave Shuuichi a somewhat sheepish grin, that sharpened slightly as he said, “But, I really do need to practice at it! If you were up to it, Shuuichi, I’d be up to practicing a couple times a day… really put the work in…”

“See? I told you I didn’t want you to overdo it, and almost the very next thought you had was, ‘how else could I overdo it?’” Shuuichi scolded, sighing as he hefted more of the blankets over his shoulders, caccooning himself somewhat again, “I don’t want you hurting yourself through sex, Kaito.”

“I mean… it doesn’t ‘hurt’ hurt…”

Kokichi flushed lightly, having let his guard down for how quickly Kaito’s mind could turn on the sex switch, but he’d been ready to continue down the teasing road until Shuuichi mentioned the last time Kaito had given him a blowjob. ...remembering how Kaito had hit the floor, that moment, thankfully not of delirium, but still a little confusion…

Kokichi moved an arm up out of the nest, gently laying it next to his head on Kaito’s leg. “...I don’t like you getting hurt at all… I was so worried that last time...choking is always a little dangerous, but enough for you to pass out… It meant that your brain wasn’t getting oxygen and it shut down… You were alright but...it was still really scary…”

Kaito frowned at that… before reaching out to take the exposed hand, gently rubbing his thumb along the side of Kokichi’s palm. “Yeah, I know… I mean, maybe I’m a little too used to being a little too… reckless? But I know that’s not fun, if I’m making myself pass out and stuff. I mean, I wouldn’t want either of you passing out. It’d scare the fuck out of me. So, yeah, I get it.”

“So, stop trying to push it all the time. All three of us have a good time with just… going through the motions.” Shuuichi shrugged, “You don’t always have to push some edge to have a good time out of it. For that matter, you don’t have to go through a bunch of hoops to keep us entertained, if that’s what you’re worried about. Trust me, between… toys and adrenaline and all that, vs. just laughing and taking it slow with you guys? It’s not even a competition. I’ll take slow and steady any day.”

Kaito pouted slightly at that… but scratched lightly at his peach fuzz with his other hand and said, “Yeah, I guess that’s true. Maybe I do try to change it up too much.”

“It’s fun when it is, but sex doesn’t always have to be an event. And…” Kokichi had just meant to back up Shuuichi’s words, but in the process of doing it, he realized something. His cheeks went red, talking about something like this, even if it was just...a conversation they should have. “...honestly, I’d like it more if we treated sex less like an event. Just...something casual and fun that we do more often. Like I said...it is a lot of fun, being desperate after a while, and Kai-chan figuring out some big way to do everything...but I’d like it if that wasn’t the only way we did things.”

Kokichi felt his face heating up even more, but he forced himself to keep talking, even if he tried to hide his face in Kaito’s legs. “...I know I’m not very good at bringing it up when I’m interested… It just...doesn’t come up in my mind that often, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like it if we did something. If we happen to have free time together in the afternoon, or wanna settle down before bed...i-it...um… Doing something, like...cuddling and g-giving each other handjobs could be fun and nice...you know? Or even stuff more than that, if you guys wanna, but just...keeping it light and low-key without the need to plan a bunch for it…”

“...it’d be nice, I think.”

“....so like… does this mean I’m going to get laid tonight or…”

Shuuichi rolled his eyes, flumping back down onto the covers. “Not on my end, you’re not. I’m tired. Maybe ask me again in the morning.”

Kaito lit up. “Really!? Really!?? Mornng sex!???”

Shuchi shrugged non-committedly, “Maybe. We’ll see.”

Kokichi couldn’t do much but just steam in flustered embarrassment for a little bit, though he was happy to hear how unflustered his partners were. Sometimes, talking about sex was easy. Fun, even. Other times, and this time was certainly one of them, Kokichi could barely get the words out, feeling too overwhelmed. 

Eventually, he managed to get himself under control enough to speak again. “...I might be up for something tonight, if it’s nothing too rough…”

Kaito lit up at that, his whole face beaming down at Kokichi…. Before he snickered. Taking Kokichi’s hand, he brought it up to kiss the knuckles, as he said, like a kid spreading rumors in class, “Hey, hey, Shuiiiichiiii… guess what?”

“Mmm…” Shuuichi was stretching his ankles, ever so slightly, back and forth in front of the fire, trying to loosen the swell a little. “What?”

“Kokichi liiiikes me.”

Shuuichi cast a glance at Kaito over his shoulder, facing the fire, before scoffing, “No he doesn’t.”

“He does! He totally said so! He likes likes me!”

“In your dreams.”

“Then I suppose I don’t want to wake up.” 

Kokichi’s voice was more even, but still had his eyes shut with a red face hidden against Kaito’s legs, embarrassed and flustered. Though, he gently stroked his fingers along Kaito’s jaw--indeed feeling the subtle wisps of the peach fuzz--as much as he could reach while Kaito held his hand up. 

Risking opening an eye, Kokichi peeked out over at Shuuichi. “...how much did you catch of us talking before, by the way?”

“I woke up to the sound of Kaito crying. I… was a little worried something might have happened.” Shuuichi admitted, still a little unsettled by Kaito’s strained out, tear stained face, even as Kaito grinned down at Kokichi, perfectly pleased in every way. “But, when I looked out, Kokichi seemed really happy, and was whispering things to you, Kaito, so…”

Shuuichi shrugged, “I figured either Kokichi was a sadist and I had just missed it this whole time and was finding out now, or that Kaito was being dramatic and crying happy tears over something. One seemed more reasonable then the other, which is when I teased you both. As for the context? Not much beyond you two saying you were proclaiming your love to each other or something… it must have been very lovey-dovey, for Kaito to get that worked up over it.”

“It was.” Kaito agreed, not all that embarrassed at Shuuichi’s teasing, just staring at Kokichi adoringly, “Our ‘Kichi said a bunch of very nice things that… were really reassuring to hear.”

Shuuichi looked curiously between the two. “Like what?”

“Mmm...pretty reasonable to assume I’m a sadist, all signs point to it, really.” Kokichi could barely even say that with a straight face, the utter affection rolling off of Kaito softening his words and lifting the corners of his mouth into a gentle, comfortable smile. 

From what he’d gathered, Shuuichi and Kaito had pretty similar outlooks on devotion, but Kokichi still wasn’t sure how… If Shuuichi would get the same comfort from his vow. But it still was the decision he’d made, so he’d tell Shuuichi too. 

Reaching out with the hand that wasn’t in Kaito’s grasp, Kokichi gently cupped Shuuichi’s cheek, smoothing out a bit of his hair. “...my therapy session today ran a little long, ‘cause we had a lot of things I wanted to talk about. And in talking them out...I found resolve in figuring out the kind of person I want to be. And that’s what I told Kai-chan.”

“...I’ve decided to reject dualities and zero-sum games, and am going to embrace everything that’s important to me. My duty as an heir, my love for my family...I’m going to choose it all. I’m refusing to let them be pit against each other, and I’m choosing to prioritize both. You guys are…” Kokichi’s voice softened even more as he took a breath, still overcome from this a bit, “You’re important to me. My world. More than I don’t want to be the kind of person that...has to turn away from your needs, or that can’t be there for you, if I tried...I’d rip myself apart. I can’t do that. So...I’m dedicating myself to you...our family. And my people.”

Shuuichi listened to this respectfully, but… well, he could understand this meant a lot to both Kokichi and Kaito. Even as Kokichi spoke this time, not even directed at Kaito but attention fully on Shuuichi, Shuuichi could still see Kaito’s face twist up at the words. This almost… painful looking hope twisting his features. Kaito clearly having a difficult time even listening to it without something in him getting overwhelmed by the gesture, looking away from them both with newly wet eyes. And Kokichi looked… so determined. Like he was about to face some monumental task. Like he was promising to go to battle at dawn for them.

...it was very strange. “...thank you… um… forgive me. I don’t quite…” Shuuichi looked between the two curiously, idly reaching up to giving Kokichi’s hand against his face a reassuring squeeze, as he said, “... what was happening before?”

“Kokichi’s made a vow to the Ouma name, like, waaaaay before this family was even an idea. And…” Kaito squirmed uncomfortably, “...he’s just assuring us that he won’t always put his job before us. Cause… cause he vowed that he would, a long time ago, and, you know… our ‘Kichi’s already a really good leader. So that vow means something to him. And… and I…”

Kaito bit his inner lip, before shrugging, mumbling, “I was struggling with that.”

“... while I appreciate the reassurance. And, I really do, Kokichi… I have to say, I can’t imagine you turning your backs on us either way.” Shuuichi confessed, smiling softly at Kokichi, “That wasn’t high in my own fears… but, still. Thank you…” 

Shuuichi… suddenly looked a little sheepish. And a little nervous. But he said, “I’ve already done this once before. When you saved me and Maki’s life. And I haven't felt the need to do it again yet, because… well, I’m not sure if it would mean anything to you. But…”

Shuuichi closed his eyes. Leaning into the hand. “... I do swear myself to you. For whatever that’s worth. As your partner. I… heh…” Shuuichi blushed a deep red, embarrassed to have said something like that aloud, looking flustered as he opened his eyes and said, “... I figured I should say it, since that essentially is what you just said to us.”

Kokichi sighed softly as Shuuichi reached up to hold his hand. “The name Ouma isn’t just a surname. It’s a promise. And if you use that name, then you have to do everything in your power to uphold that promise--a vow to protect and enrich the lives of every Dicean. It’s something that holds a lot of weight to a lot of people, me included. The day I took my vows to keep the Ouma name...it meant that I promised my life to the country.”

Looking over at Kaito, Kokichi gave a shallow, slightly saddened nod. Almost more regretful that sad, really. “For a long time, even after our wedding and ceremonial vows...I still thought that Dicea was what I was committing the whole of my life to. The only other Ouma I’ve ever known is my father and...he’s an incredible Ouma. There isn’t a single day I’ve ever seen him not trying to do his best for the country. He’s a great leader...but a horrible father. And while I want to do my best for Dicea...I have the capability to be a good leader and a good person invested and present for my family. That’s...what I’m saying, more or less.”

Kokichi turned his gaze back to Shuuichi, hearing out his own vows. He...really hadn’t understood what he and Maki had meant all that time ago, even if he had found a puzzle piece to it. But even if it wasn’t in words...Kokichi hadn’t really been worried about Shuuichi’s dedication either. 

Though, it was still nice to hear. 

Grinning, Kokichi gave Shuuichi’s hand a squeeze, his heart pounding in a pleasant way. “It’s worth a lot to me, Shuu-chan. You’re worth a lot to me. I’ll do right by you guys...promise.”

Shuuichi couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Maybe it was cruel, considering how… monumentally harmful it had been on Kokichi. Like, it really wasn’t a joking matter, it had had huge ramifications on his boyfriends life, and Shuuichi would never belittle that.

… but holy shit King Aiichi just forgot to free his son.

It had made Shuchi laugh when Kokichi had first told him, and it still gave him a ‘what the actual fuck’ giggle now. It was so… casually cruel. Almost to a point beyond malice and just sort of… like a bumbling dad character in a comic book. But it was really just like… ‘whoops, got caught up with paperwork, now my kid is twenty and still sneaking out of the back gate like he’s fourteen and grounded. Whoopsie-doodle’.

And he gave Kokichi a warm, somewhat amused look as he said, “... you’d never be your father, Kokichi. You are just… not that dumb. He might have been only able to focus on one thing, but that’s because he is very, very stupid. And you are one of the cleverest and most dedicated people I’ve met. Even with your attention somewhat cut in half? You’re still gonna be leagues above him. I have no doubt.”

Kaito frowned at that speech, looking uncomfortable. “Shuuichi… that’s… maybe don’t say that about our King…”

Kokichi smiled a little at Shuuichi’s laugh but...it was a particularly joyous smile. He really...genuinely couldn’t distinguish if it was better or worse--or more or less comforting, because measuring on a value of morality was tricky--that Aiichi had hurt him so much through ignorance and apathy rather than any focused malintent. It was hard for him to express, but Kokichi...sometimes wanted to scream so loudly it cracked the earth for how badly his childhood had hurt him… But there wasn’t anything to do now that they weren’t already doing. There was no changing what had already been done. And at least right then, it felt better to smile than to cry. 

“Aiichi’s really good with whatever he’s focused on, and he does care a lot about people…” Kokichi huffed, adjusting himself on Kaito’s legs a little. “...but he’s absurdly airheaded, and really dumb.”

And while criticism was all well and fine… Kokichi lolled his head back a little, looking up at Kaito. “...just ‘cause he’s the leader doesn’t mean he’s earned your respect, Kai-chan. For you and Shuu-chan in particular...I think it’ll be a long time before he’s earned that, if he ever does.”

Kaito opened his mouth, closed it… seeming to consider his words, an uncomfortable look on his face… before saying slowly, “I understand that. And, I understand why you thought I meant it like that. I get a little uncomfortable talking down about authority figures in public… but we’re not in public. I mean, so… what I mean is…”

Kaito sighed, rubbing his hand through his hair as he said, “...it was way easier hating Aiichi back when I thought you didn’t love him, and he didn’t love you. I… I had a lot of strong feelings about the king. But, now that I know that isn’t the case? I don’t… want to insult your family, Kokichi. I spent all of my time when I first got here just shitting on everyone you love and care about, and, trust me… I really get how much that hurts. Especially these days. So, I just…” Kaito shrugged. “I don’t want to hurt you like that. No more saying awful shit about the people you care about…”

“I’ll reserve judgement till I see what kind of grandfather he’ll make.” Shuuichi said, his tone entirely idle. Like he didn’t care one way or another if Aiichi would prove himself or not. “If Miya ends up loving him? Then great. I’ll keep my thoughts of how painstakingly idiotic he is to myself. But…” Shuuichi’s eyes narrowed. “...if he ever… no matter how she turns out, if he ever tries to recreate on her what happened to you, Kokichi? I don’t care how important he is. He is not invited to her birthdays.” Shuuichi paused… before smirking a little, “School events neither. Ikuo can do all the grandfather support, in that case.”

Kokichi raised his eyebrows a little, Kaito once again surprising him with...a different reaction than he would’ve expected before. Where Kaito once would shift awkwardly and say a few scattered things about not insulting the king...he recognized his own feelings on the matter, and explained what specifically was bothering him in this instance. 

He wouldn’t ask but...seriously, he wondered what sort of breakthrough had happened. 

While he huffed a soft laugh at Shuuichi’s judgement--and murmured something about how he’d never allow Aiichi to do anything like that to Miya--Kokichi strained his arm upward to cup Kaito’s cheek now, looking a bit odd with how he was outstretched between his partners, but there was no way he wanted to go without touching them right now. 

“...I appreciate that, love. I’ll respect your personal feelings towards people but...well, it has been a…” Kokichi paused, not really sure how to even phrase what he was feeling. “...I like being able to talk about my sister with you, even though you guys don’t really get along. But, with Aiichi…”

Kokichi sighed. “...he is really dumb. It’s just kind of a fact, rather than any statement about “goodness” or “badness”...even if his idiocy...really hurt me. I’m not gonna refute that, even if we’re trying to move forward with our relationship. For now...I don’t really mind if you guys wanna shit on him. I just...don’t think I’m gonna get much catharsis out of it, so...that’s where I’m at.”

Kaito was going to say he got along with Lake, but… well, trying to get along better wasn’t the same as succeeding. Last time hadn’t even been her fault. She had just accidently touched an incredibly sore spot, by that point in Kaito’s life, and he just… hadn’t been able to keep it together. Which was a shame. It had all been going so well right up until then. Kaito and her really trying to make it work for the sake of their shared family member. A barrier of too many painful misunderstandings between the two of them just keeping them from connecting.

… maybe this was too dark a subject for such a light moment, but Kaito said softly, “... do you guys think keeping someone alive hurts them more than dying?”

Shuuichi raised an eyebrow at that, before shrugging, “Depends on the situation, I suppose. Arguably, yes, though as someone with suicidal tendencies, I may be biased. Why?”

Kaito shrugged. “No reason. Just came to mind.”

Kokichi pressed his cheek against Kaito’s calf, thinking for a moment before speaking. “...in some ways I agree with Shuu-chan, but...taking into account my beliefs on life and death, and as someone trying to move away from suicidal tendencies… No.”

“As long as you’re alive...you have the hope of the future. An ability to change, or change your circumstances. And even if it’s hard, or there’s tragedy up ahead...it’s worth it to continue making it through those times for the good things. For me...this is the only life people get so...it’s important to fill yourself with as much goodness as possible before everything ends. With death, there’s just...nothingness. No more bad, but...no more good either. And your absence will end up causing pain for the people you left behind, and will deprive others of the goodness you could’ve brought that you never got to meet.”

Kokichi looked back up at his husband. “...I suppose believing in an afterlife changes that perception a bit.”

Kaito considered it, before saying, “Maybe for some? I could see how it would. But, well… even knowing you’ll see everyone again someday doesn’t make it hurt any less when you’re gone from your body. You’re, you know… still leaving for somewhere very far away, for a very long time...and if you’re lucky, you won’t be alone, but even with the trials, it’s not like there’s anything else you can do for the people you left behind while they’re alive. It’s still important to make the most of your life… at least, that’s how I feel about it.”

“But, honestly, even if I didn’t believe in an afterlife… or, despite the fact that I do?” Kaito reasoned out, idly playing with Kokichi’s ear with his free hand, as Shuuichi gave into the temptation of laying down again, settling in next to Kokichi, resting his head on his boyfriends shoulderblade. “...I just… I couldn’t really understand the idea of not moving forward. It wasn’t even a choice. This is just… what we’re doing. The idea that we could just stop? Opt out? Seemed… kind of unreasonable and unrealistic. There are no other options. There’s just this. Good or bad.”

“So, in my head, death was something you could only do to someone else, and it was always one of the worst things you could do to a person, because it just… robbed them of everything. Everything they could have done, everyone they knew, anything they wanted… just… forcing them to stop and leave before it was their time to go. What could be worse?” Kaito mused… before sighing, “Now though…”

Kaito hesitated. He wanted to kind of try and talk to them about the confusing, frightening thoughts he sometimes had now… but what if that… he didn’t know. Triggered something in them? Made them want to kill themselves again? 

...he’d talk to Miss Crystal about it instead.

He corrected himself, saying, “I guess I’ve just heard enough counter-arguments to that idea now where I can kind of maybe understand you guys better. So… hopefully in the future I maybe won’t  be so… unreasonably angry about it. Or something. I don’t know. I’m not sure why I brought this up. I love you guys, okay? I’m here for you if you need me.”

Kokichi had gone to nod a bit as he listened to Kaito, but the impromptu ear massage was a little too tempting to stay still for, though he did shift once to place a kiss on the top of Shuuichi’s head when the man settled in. As it inevitably was, they were all wrapped around each other, cuddled and comfortable and enjoying the feeling of each other’s bodies. Conveying their thoughts and feelings through touch as well as words. 

Maybe that was why it felt easy to talk about something even as difficult and at times upsetting as this. 

“Love you too...an’ I appreciate it. I think...talking about death is a good conversation to have,” he hummed, eyes only half-open thanks to the surrounding comfort of his loved ones. “And especially if you’ve been suicidal… But I think, with my mind at ease, I agree with Kai-chan. Death is an...unforgivable thing you can do to someone… Taking everything from them, and hurting an unknowable amount of people still around… And that holds true when that “someone” is yourself.”

“...I’m sorry for scaring and worrying you when I talk about wanting death. I know it’s a really horrible thing for someone who loves me to hear...I’m sorry to the both of you. I can’t promise that my mental health will never take a nosedive and I’ll talk about scary stuff again, but...I’m doing what I can to prevent that, and to establish what I really think, so even if it’s scary, we’ll all know that my brain is just a mean liar.”

“Mmmm… mean liar Kokichi brain…”Shuuichi laughed lightly, eyes closed, about ready to steal Kokichi for himself, his boyfriend going to be used for cuddling tonight rather than Kaito’s sexy times, if Shuuichi has his way. “I think it’ll be okay. Myself and Kaito have you. Right, Kaito?”

“Yeah, of course.” Kaito said, looking adoringly down at his husband, not realizing he was dooming himself as he massaged Kokichi’s ears, enjoying watching his lovers nuzzle in comfortably against each other. “We’re always here for you. We’ll tell those bad thoughts to go ahead and fuck right off. You’re ours, Kokichi. And I wanna keep you.”

“Mmmm… that, but without the weird possessive edge to it. That’s how I feel too.” Shuuichi laughed.

-

Shuuichi went over it in his head again as he walked to the administration building, keeping his cap low. 

‘I would like to borrow my student records for an hour to copy some personal information I gave you in my journal. I had it written down somewhere else, but I lost the paperwork, and I’m terrible at remembering at the top of my head things like my student number and the classifications of my classes and degree. I’m so sorry to bother you, I feel so silly, I’m always losing track of these little details. Actually, you seem busy, the drawers are over there, right? If it makes things easier, I can just grab it myself? I really hate to be a bother-” 

It was the middle of the day on a school day. They’d be busy. Absolutely. They were always busy this time a day. Shuuichi had checked three weeks in a row. Students were allowed to borrow their own records. The drawers they kept the records in were always unlocked, Shuuichi had never seen them take a key out to open it, even though the shelves had locks on them. They clearly weren’t worried about it. It should be fine. It should be fine.

‘Hello. My name is Shuuichi Saihara. I’m so embarrassed to ask this, but can I borrow my student records for a few hours? Why? I lost some information I had copied in there and I just wanted to make new copies. I’m sorry for bothering you, I feel so foolish. Actually, I can see you’re busy, would it be alright for me to just go grab...it…’

Shuuichi frowned as he entered the building. The waiting room in front of the administration counter… entirely empty.

...uh...

There was an older man at the counter, writing away at something that looked like it was on a form, but apparently work to do in more idle hours since he slid it to the side of his desk when he saw Shuuichi come in. Offering a wave in the form of a turn of the hand, he gave the young man a nod. “Afternoon! What can I do ya for?”

Shuuichi’s mind raced. 

He could come back later when it was busy… but he had class later. He wouldn’t get another chance today. Wait till tomorrow? Next week? Why wasn’t it busy!? The guy had already seen him. Shuuichi could make an excuse that he didn’t know what building this was and just leave. Hell, he could just leave. No excuse. But that would be weird. The guy might remember him. If they noticed a file was missing they might be like ‘hey, you remember that super weird, super pregnant, emo kid they put on all those fliers and pamphlets and whose name is definitely Shuuichi Saihara and lives in the castle on the third floor with the princes and how he just came in and was being weird and is a Luminary? Do you think he might have anything to do with it? Let’s go ask the prince who will definitely figure it out and then tell on him.’

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Shuuichi smiled lightly, bowing his head slightly as he walked in, heading to the counter. “Hello. I’m relieved, I was certain there’d be a line. Slow day today?”

The man laughed, a deep hearty thing though it gave the impression of being one of his lighter laughs. “Bit of an anomaly, if I’m honest! Though, things do tend to calm down once folks get in the swing of the semester. Everyone’s got their paperwork for classes, everyone who’s withdrawing has done it, or, at least the official ones. Some poor blokes don’t figure out the water they’ve gotten into until too late, and end up takin’ it on the record. Don’t mean too much, but it still stresses some out.”

“Now that I’m yammed up your ear, don’t tell me you're here to withdraw now,” the man laughed again, giving Shuuichi a light look.

Shuuichi laughed lightly, putting his hand in front of his mouth in a gesture of sweet shyness as he said softly, “Oh, no, I’m really enjoying my classes, actually. However, I was hoping it’d be alright for me to go and grab my student record for an hour? I’m looking to copy some information…” Shuuichi looked over at the filing cabinets he knew they kept the records in and, pointing, he said, “They’re right over there, right? Do you mind if I go fetch it?”

The older man hefted himself up from his seat, waving Shuuichi off. “Nah, nah, no problem for me. What’s your name, lad?”

“...” Shuuichi smiled. “Drake Soga. Thank you so much. I hate to trouble you.”

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

What are you doing!? He could have been pretending not to recognize you to be polite! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

“Got’cha.” Nodding the man opened up the side trigger on the cabinet handle, looking through the “S” files until he found “Soga, Drake”, in the same section, but quite a bit away from “Saihara, Shuuichi”. Maybe it was just from seeing thousands of students year after year, but the administrator didn’t tend to remember faces that often these days. Not unless they made an effort to be remembered. 

Pulling out the file, the man held it out to Shuuichi with a friendly grin. “Here y’are! An hour’s perfect, but just try to get it back today, yeah? Even if you know your information, it’s trouble for us if we can’t find it.”

Shuuichi took it, bowing his head gratefully, “Oh, of course. Thank you so much. I’ll be back with it promptly, I just need to copy a bit of it. I’ll see you in an hour, if not less.”

Bowing his head again, Shuuichi quickly headed out of the building, before quickly going to a nearby bench. Brushing some snow off it, he sat down, determinedly ignoring the cold.

He got as far as reading Drake’s name and age before dammit it’s cold outside. 

He quickly got up, shivering, before taking refuge in the nearby mathematics building. Beyond that, it was just finding one of the student study rooms in there and, sitting down, he let himself warm up for a moment before opening up the student jacket again. 

Okay… Drake. Don’t let him down. Let’s see what sort of info was available on his classmate…

Being a school file, the information was rather simple. Drake Soga, 21, born in Late Winter--with an “accurate” birth date--a resident of Usot, his address indeed in the West End. No emergency health concerns, no accommodations, his emergency contact a Nell Pacuvius, apparently an aunt. He had a General Education Degree in place of a high school recommendation, placing him in college appropriate levels of general subjects. He’d been at the capital university for one semester, having taken Applied Mathematics 144--with a 92%--, Communications 101--with an 85%--, Intro to College 124 and Intro to College Life 125 at the same time, with an 88% and 95% respectively. He was currently enrolled in Intro to Criminal Justice and Criminal Justice Ethics, as well as a non-graded study hall program. 

As Shuuichi read through the credits list, he smiled lightly. Drake was doing well so far. Good on him. He did seem intelligent in class… hmmm…

Taking out his journal, Shuuichi went to the Drake Soga page and added in a few quick notes: Age: 21, ad:WestEnd, Aunt: Nell Pacuvius. Gen-ed. Substituted high school recommendation [(Why?)+ potential unstable or alt. childhood?= insuf. Ev.]. Grades:

Shuuichi paused.

Nell.

...Nell Pacuvius.

It was the phone number that had sparked his memory. He knew a Nell Pacuvius. She was a healer at the castle, wasn’t she? He might even have a page for her…

Looking back through his journal, he realized he didn’t have a page for her specifically, but she was detailed under the Castle Healers page. A small, thumbnail sketch of her, long hair, blue. Pink, exhausted eyes. She had been Kokichi’s primary healer during one of his heart attacks. Otherwise, she was part of the regular rotation of the healer staff. Beyond that? He didn’t really have any information on her.

Hmm… likely just a coincidence.

Well, what else could it be? Drake having a relative that worked in the castle wasn’t really suggesting of anything by itself. If Shuuichi was feeling particularly paranoid, he might suggest that this was an avenue where Drake could find out Shuuichi’s schedule somehow and put himself in the way of it to insert himself in Shuuichi’s life for his own reasons… but…

...that was Shuchi being too paranoid. More likely than not. It would require Kokichi’s healer to use her own influences to find out his schedule from someone else entirely who worked in the castle and would be in a better positon than herself to get that information. And who would that be? Hajme, who had taken him to first enroll into the school? Ikuo, who had had in depth conversations with Shuuichi about his school plans, because the older man was just interested in what was going on in his life? Kaito, at a bar, or Kokichi, just talking to one of his people and answering innocent questions?

That was edging into conspiracy thinking. Which, maybe in Luminary, would have been worth exhausting, but…

...he supposed there was no harm in just looking into Miss Pacuvius.

Shuuichi sighed, finishing writing down the rest of the information before, finally, heading back to the admin building to return the folder. Honestly, it’d be nice if he didn’t think like this… it was exhausting. But, well… if he didn’t look into it, he’d spend far too long worrying about the fact that he hadn’t. 

Ah well. Let’s get to class.

Drake was in class on time--though, he really hadn’t technically been late the first day--having managed to avoid coming in late pretty consistently through the last few weeks of class. However, that wasn’t to say he’d spent all that time without incident. Today, for instance, he was in his seat, frowning at the last two fingers on his right hand, his pinky in a light brace and taped to his ring finger. 

It really seemed that the man managed to get some sort of new injury every few days, even if most resulted in little more than bruises or shallow cuts. He’d been terrified after he was turned, worrying that his clumsy injuries would give him away right away but...as it turned out, vampires still bruised and bled, and while they did tend to heal more quickly than the average human, it didn’t mean he had a free pass to walk off any old injury. 

Annoying, but better than being found out, he supposed. 

He looked up when the door to the class opened, still intimidated by most of his classmates, though he tried to make up for what he knew was a poor reputation with friendliness, but there was one person he was happy to see without stipulation. Perking, Drake gave Shuuichi a wave. “Shuuichi! Good afternoon!”

Shuuichi startled a little as he walked in, always a little surprised by Drake’s enthusiasm, but he was quick to return the wave with a small smile. “Hello, Drake. Good Afternoon. Were you able to finish the writing from yesterday's reading?” he asked, sitting down and digging into his bag, pulling out his textbook and school notebook, taking out the assignment from the night before to turn in.

Behind Shuuichi, more and more people were filing in. Katlyn bounded in, walking far to quickly, and settled into her seat with a flourish, her trench coat flowing behind her like a cape, which her desk mate just sort of laughed sheepishly at, greeting her classmate for the day while Katlyn dramatically pushed up her glasses.

Meanwhile, John sort of slunked in, grunting a response to his deskmates greeting, but otherwise just putting his desk together, taking out his own homework. John was in a foul mood, but he usually was lately. 

“I was,” Drake said, maybe a little too proudly for a standard assignment as he gently tapped where his answers were in his notebook. “No ink spills or water damage this time either. Though...I didn’t have time to finish writing everything out before I headed home, and I almost lost my whole notebook.”

A little bewildered, and a little frustrated he sighed, indicating his latest injury. “I didn’t even have it out while I was cooking? But somehow it fell between my counter and icebox and...well, I found it, o-obviously, but I guess the edge of my counter isn’t totally smooth, and I jammed the hell out of my fingers trying to get it… Had to ask my neighbor for some help taping my hand up. I suppose I should feel lucky I didn’t break anything.”

Shuuichi took out one of his pens Kokichi had given him, testing it on the corner of his page… and said, entirely deadpan, “Drake. How are you still alive? Seriously. You have a new story like that literally every class. By this point, I don’t know if you’re incredibly lucky, or unlucky, to even still be here.”

Drake sighed again, though there was an accepting laugh in his voice. “I don’t even know… I’ve been like this forever, you know? I try to be cautious, make sure I’m not just being careless, but things just...happen? I’ll make sure my shoes are tied, and I’ll trip over the ground, I watch my feet intently, I run into an overhanging sign. At this point, I think the universe might just have it out for me.”

“Maybe you’re being haunted by vengeful, meanspirited spirits. Have you disturbed anyone’s graves that you know of?” Shuuichi asked, smirking a little. “Pissed off any witches? Ran a cross-road with a demon and didn’t follow through on your end of it?’

Drake grimaced, shrinking down a bit. “Eeeug...don’t joke about that… I try to steer clear of all that stuff, you know? My luck’s bad enough as it is, I don’t need to tempt supernatural forces too.”

Other than the meetings and messages in the vampire community, that was true. It was hard enough sometimes keeping your story straight without tempting fate connecting yourself to the other magic folk in the area. Plus, demons and witches never played fair--it was just common sense not to challenge them. 

Though...the kids who went to that one elementary school were probably the best protected in the country. While fond of exploiting loopholes, demons kept their word, and one that was contracted into looking after kids would make sure there wasn’t a force in the physical or spiritual realm that could touch them. 

The ethics professor, a tiny woman who had had a loooong career as a lawyer before coming to teach at the college, was apparently done setting up her notes and supplies for the class, getting the attention of the young adults with a soft, but clear, “Good afternoon,” before she launched into what they were going to be doing that class. 

As they could guess from the reading, today’s discussion was going to be a roundtable about the theft of personal information. “However, as with the wording of any law...what is personal information? What sort of things would be classified as personal information? What differentiates it from things that are about an individual, but public knowledge?”

“Professor!” Katlyn stood up, slamming her hand against the desk, glaring at the teacher and gritting her teeth, “Certainly that’s a trick question!” she shouted, while her deskmate just laughed nervously, a little embarrassed just being in her proximity. “Certainly any information the individual deems privileged falls under the definition of private!”

John, a few desks over, gave Katlyn an incredulous look, as he leaned back into his chair. “Are you stupid? Did you do the reading at all? There’s all sorts of exceptions to that. Where the hell did you even get that from, moron?”

“Hey, man, shhh.” John’s deskmate flustered, also embarrassed to be in proximity to him. “You can’t call people idiots.”

“I didn’t call her an idiot. I called her stupid and a moron.”

‘Not inaccurate.’ Shuuichi mused to himself in the back.

“John, please restrain yourself from name-calling,” the professor sighed, already unamused by week three of class at the particular dynamics of this group. “However, the reading did explain exceptions to what an individual can claim as private information. Does someone have an example to share, as well as the reason why it would be acceptable to request from someone?”

Drake was already wilting a little, Katlyn in particular someone in class that made his voice die, but it never stopped him from trying to participate in class. “A contact address, which ends up being a residential address or a place of work, most often. If someone is involved with an incident, they need to be contacted for questioning or a court hearing. The information of their address doesn’t grant blanket entry, and there are laws against just...waiting outside their home or work, as well as leaving excessive notices or letters. O-or if they’re hurt in an incident, then their address to bring them back home is freely requested, or the contact address of an emergency contact.”

“Excellent. Other than as a contact point, or in the case of a medical emergency, personal addresses are private information--it’s up to the individual to share that information.” The professor gave the class a nod, Drake letting out a small sigh of relief. “Now that we have an example of an exception, is there a case to be made for someone obtaining that information that isn’t one of those exceptions, and isn’t the individual freely giving their address?”

Shuuichi tapped his pen lightly against the journal, taking a few notes (Notes/ltrs+Excessive(x)??) before, a lull coming over the class, no one volunteering any information. A lot of the class weren’t really the ‘active participant’ types, and honestly, it was almost always the awkwardness of waiting for Katlyn to buckle under the silence and offer something, whether she knew the right answer or not, that caused Shuuichi to raise his hand respectfully.

He always waited for the professor to nod in his direction or address him in some way, though it wasn’t a requirement to speak in class, before saying, “If a certain level of authority requests the information? Not limited too, but as the most clear-cut example, should King Aiichi request it, verbally or otherwise?”

John snorted at his seat, before muttering to himself, “There’s that Luminary shit again… seriously. No one fucking reads the material…”

“In technicality...yes.”

A good portion of the class’ heads turned up, apparently not just John thinking that wasn’t a case. 

The professor nodded, continuing. “While our government wouldn’t request the information publicly, that is, from anyone else but government employees, they do have the clearance to obtain addresses from any citizen. Likely, this would be in cases of keeping track of owned property, maintaining used facilities and keeping track of property deeds when they are passed down personally, and not through government or estate agency means.”

“However, if an individual feels like their right of privacy has been unduly breached, the government requires all staff to keep a log of when, what, why, and by whom information has been acquired. This log is kept by the head archivist. Anyone has the right to challenge a breach of privacy.”

Drake nodded a bit, writing down this information and connecting it with some of the reading. It was tricky, challenging a privacy breach, because often the government had legitimate reasons for seeing your information. In some cases, a resolved court case meant that someone was taken off the list of general notices, or in others, government employees were given restrictions on their access to the archives at all, even for personal use, and sometimes lost their jobs if the infraction was severe enough. Apparently people who lied about why they needed information were easily found out when it came down to it in court.

“Now, it’s interesting you would mention government affairs,” the professor continued, not finding it interesting in particular that Shuuichi Saihara would think that way, but it did lend itself to a good segue. “There are only a few things in a citizen’s file that requires clearance to see. An individual’s criminal record, property deeds, donation receipts, occupation, birthday...as long as you properly log why you’re seeking the information, it’s public access. However, information that isn’t stored in the castle records, such as a job file, medical records, and education records are considered private information. Only people interfacing with the individual in those specific fields have normal access to that information, and even then there tend to be clearance checks within the establishment.”

“As an agent of the law, what would be valid reasons for obtaining a warrant for that information?”

“Um… maybe…” Shuuichi murmured to himself, tapping at his journal, not quite ready to give an actual answer and just reasoning it out to himself, “...reasonable suspicions of treason or allegiance to criminal groups or-”

Katlyn slapped the desk, shouting, “If they dashed and fined, refusing to pay the fees for their meals in a legal trade establishment!! Then it’s time to TRACK THEM DOWN!”

“You are just… literally... The most aggravating person in the whole world,” John grumbled.

Shuuichi raised his hand. “What if you’re looking for evidence of reasonable suspicion but haven't found any yet? Could you request a warrant in the name of definitively clearing a person from a crime? Evidence to prove them innocent, in a sense?”

Drake raised a bit of an eyebrow at Shuuichi’s muttering, but he’d gotten used to how his deskmate sorted out information by now. Though...if someone was going to commit treason or had allegiances to a criminal group...how would you find that out from their medical records?

Giving Katlyn a tired nod, the professor did a commendable job at keeping a sigh in. “In that case, it would not warrant requesting their private information. Getting their address, which we have talked about specifically, would suffice, through which an investigator would be able to question the people around the area if they’ve seen the party in question if they do not return to the contact address.”

It was a bit harder to remain impartial to Shuuichi’s question, though. Her eyes narrowing slightly in confusion, she asked, “...could you explain why, if you have not found reasonable suspicion, a party would need to be proven innocent? If there is nothing tying them to a crime, they are already assumed innocent.”

“...well, not arbitrarily, of course.Not literally everyone needs to be proven innocent.” Shuuichi said, giving the teacher an equally confused look, “But if they’ve made their way onto the suspect list in the first place, either by association or proximity or a possible motive, then we’ll need all possible information to strike them from the suspect list. So, the more information a warrant could make available, the more definitively their innocence can be assured.”

The professor paused for another moment before some connection seemed to fire in her mind, and she nodded. “Ah, yes. It’s a helpful mindset to have, to treat each suspect as if you are simply finding the thing that can prove their innocence. In my own experience, if such a fact can be gleaned from their private information, the party will willingly request their file to be submitted as proof. If they do not wish to do so, then you will have to prove during a court case that you have reasonable suspicion that the answer of the party’s innocence lies in their private information, to which you will either receive a warrant, or be denied, and have to work your case from another angle.”

...it had been a long time since Drakon had lived in Luminary. With the Flora practically claiming it as a colony, it wasn’t safe for any other non-human folk to live. And while a lot had changed since those days...some things had been preserved even through the Momotas’ rule. 

Looking over nervously, Drake wrote down a quick message in his notebook, not even wanting to risk whispering it to his friend and possibly embarrassing him. People in Dicea are assumed innocent until proven guilty. Just being in the wrong place at the wrong time isn’t enough to land someone on a suspect list.

...Reallllly?

How on earth did that work? How did you even make a suspect list if you assumed everyone was innocent? Where did you even start? Shuuichi felt his eyebrow twitch, entirely baffled… but reached over and, in his blue pen, wrote beneath Drake’s note thanks.

Shuuichi frowned as another student raised their hand, asking for clarification on a definition of ‘lawful seizure’ that they hadn’t quite understood. The process of elimination was… literally the primary way he had been trained to investigate things in Luminary. It was usually easier and quicker to figure out why a dozen people couldn’t have done the crime, focus on the few or individual ones that then could, and when you’re fairly certain you have the right person, work backwards, and figure out exactly how the likely suspect had done it. 

Circumstantial evidence leads to suspects: in turn, those suspects leads to definitive evidence. Getting definitive evidence without having narrowed it down already to who you already thought was guilty through the process of elimination was… difficult.

...well, Shuuichi would just do his best, he guessed.

...oh geez… everyone in this class would probably be absolutely baffled why Shuuichi was doing his own damn background check on Drake… and how he was going about it was… probably even more ‘wrong’ than just not having official authority backing him up.

Sigh. Shuuichi had to be more careful. It wasn’t like home. If he was caught, Kaito couldn’t just come in and say he had sent Shuuichi to find the information… whatever it was. What was it? That? Oh, yeah! Definitely sent Shuuichi to get that! Why? I-I’m a prince, I don’t need to explain why! I just wanted it!

Shuuichi smiled lightly. A fondness for those memories. He really had been very lucky, really… Kaito had put himself in a dozen uncomfortable or strange situations on the blind faith that Shuuichi was in the right. Not everyone had a friend with faith in them like that… he missed it, really. Kaito was trying. Shuuichi knew he was. But they were still a long way away from that sort of trust again.

The class continued the discussion for a little bit, mostly people getting clarification from the reading and not...you know, actually a discussion, which had been struggling with only a few people willing to speak up, and even then it was just to directly answer questions or provide examples. Not leaping off from anyone else’s points or debating or...anything like that. 

It really was looking to be a long semester. 

Perhaps hoping that students would feel more willing to talk in smaller groups, the professor announced just that, asking the class to split into small groups of no less than three but no more than five and to discuss the reading and information theft and ownership amongst themselves. If questions came up, then they should write them down to ask when the class reconvened as a whole, and they should do the same with any interesting points that came up. 

Naturally, Drake looked to Shuuichi with a slightly pleading look, not quite feeling brave enough to venture out on his own--and...the laws between Luminary and Dicea were really different. If he could, he wanted to be a buffer to save his friend public embarrassment--though they still needed at least one person. 

There were...plenty of wallflowers in the class! Surely there was one other person who would be willing to join them!

Shuuichi smiled slightly in turn at Drake’s look, raising an eyebrow. He had sort of believed they were at a point where it was assumed they’d work together. The two got along well enough. Hell, to the point where Shuuichi was looking into Drake! Truly a good sign of a blossoming friendship.

(Shuuichi was so very, very damaged.)

As Shuuichi looked around, wondering idly if maybe it would just end up being himself and Drake, everyone else in the class doing the same thing in that mostly they were just asking the people immediately around them to group up, the teacher going around and verifying all the groups… he watched her sigh, looking over her register. Raising an eyebrow as she collected one, and then two people, the two of them following her to the back of the class where he and Drake sat.

She asked them if he and Drake were working together. “Yes?” Shuuichi said, looking quizzically behind her, where Katlyn and John stood, Katlyn looking a little embarrassed, John just looking pissed.

“These two will be joining you then. Two people is too small for a group, and…” the teacher was generous as she said, “All the other groups were full before they could be sorted.”

Ah.

No one else had wanted them.

After a moment, the desks were sorted, and Katlyn and John were both awkwardly sitting next to each other, neither looking particularly thrilled, while Drake and Shuuichi sat opposite of them. There was a sort of… awkward silence at the table.

“...I honestly don’t get what the point of this is.” John finally sighed, leaning his chair back on its back legs, jamming his knee into his desk, pushing it so that both his desk and Drake’s desk jammed a little forward to support his weight. “You do the reading, you learn the definitions, you recite during the exams. The hell is there to discuss?”

If he didn’t already perpetually look that way, Drake would’ve looked positively ashen. He didn’t think he had anything against Katlyn and John personally but...well, it was like he’d told Shuuichi--they were intimidating. Where Katlyn hounded after any answer at all, regardless if it was the right one--which, to a point he could respect, but hopefully it was something she calmed down out of before she got her practicing permit--John groaned and griped. While...there were probably more efficient ways of having a class...that wasn’t the point, and Drake wasn’t totally sure what John was expecting. 

Maybe it was confusion that got his mouth moving. That was slightly better than straight up foolishness. 

Giving the way their desks were leaning a wary look, Drake hesitantly started. “...what about after the exams, though? If there’s anything the textbook keeps saying, it’s that most things have to be taken on an individual basis. You said you wanted to be a guard, right? That’s the most people-facing profession here. If you only have your personal understanding, and only use-cases from the past, what are you going to do when something new happens?”

“Ask the guy senior to me what the fuck I should do.” John sighed, looking just… so annoyed. “Schooling is just learning the basics, right? Learning the laws ‘as is defined’, the procedures ‘as is written’. Memorize all that shit. Then, you get to the field, and you learn in practice what all that shit means in reality. Then, as new shit comes up, you learn from the people before you whose already doing that shit the nuance of it all, and if they don’t know the answer, or end up being stupid as hell? Then you get creative and use your own judgment and hope to fucking hell that you don’t fuck it up any more than it’s already apparently been fucked this whole time.”

John looked vaguely like he wanted to spit, before scoffing, “These are beginners classes. Comprehension discussions are just filler.”

“...is that why you quit your business degree?” Shuuichi asked, smiling warmly. “Did it ask too much innovative thinking from you?”

John shot Shuuichi a vicious glare at the obvious jab against him… but surprisingly he just tsked. Looking away. Apparently unwilling to engage him.

Katlyn crossed her arms, her glasses slipping down her nose a little as she said, “Memorizing laws without comprehending them, even as beginners, is setting us up for failure! Even a guard should understand that. Besides, for those of us going for law degrees, it’s even more important to comprehend the material right from the beginning! There’s no shortcuts to true understanding. We should discuss it!”

Shuuichi frowned slightly, tapping his pen against his journal. “That’s all well and good, but we still need to find a starting point for our discussion… any ideas?”

There was something to that as well, though how Drake shrunk down against John’s heavy disdain probably didn’t show it. An understanding of “rules”--laws, in this case--as well as an understanding and respect of the past, a colleague’s expertise, for example, were some of the best ways you could figure out how to proceed in unfamiliar territory. It was just...you needed to be able to make a decision too. Know where you stood personally, which would only become more nuanced by learning others’ positions. 

In some cases, that personal understanding would lead you to the decision to defy the “rules”. Laws were a guideline made to keep some people safe but...they weren’t almighty. They could be flawed. And knowing when to defy an unjust law was just as important as abiding by the ones that helped. 

Drake looked between Shuuichi and John a few times, a little...surprised by how John backed down, but maybe he just didn’t want a debate. They were supposed to be doing something after all. 

“Well…” Drake looked through his notes on the reading, furrowing his brow a little. “...in the class discussion, we mostly talked about interfacing with information theft ourselves. I suppose it’s one of the bigger things people involved with criminal law would run into, but...what about how we’d interface with other people who broke those laws? Like…”

Taking a nervous breath, Drake looked up at Katlyn, trying to engage her. “As a lawyer...other than testimonies and the public record, you’d need a warrant to get private information. But...if someone came to you with information that would be pivotal to your case, but they got that information through theft...what would you do?”

“Heck yeah! Boom! I’ve caught two criminals then!” Katlyn smirked, looking hugely satisfied at this development. “Throw the book at the information thief, then throw the book at the other person the information was about! Two birds with one stone!”

Shuuichi raised an eyebrow, looking baffled, “...you’d persecute an informant?”

“If they’re also a thief? Of course! Theft is theft, either way. As a lawyer, I’d treat both cases as equally in need of prosecuting!”

“But no one would ever come to you with information again,” Shuuichi pointed out, still just looking baffled at how enthusiastic she was about it. “You’d get a reputation as being unreliable and dangerous to work with.”

“So? I’m not seeking out informants, and the scenario was someone came up to me of their own volition. If no one does that, I’d still just persecute it normally. I’m just taking advantage of another criminal’s stupidity!” Katlyn grinned. Incredibly pleased with herself, before frowning at Shuuichi, “Why? What would you do?”

Shuuichi hesitated. Not even kind of sure what was safe to even suggest. These were all people who’d be in the field someday with him, and gaining a reputation with them, for good or bad, could hugely affect his ability to do his job someday. He… wasn’t sure what was safe to give away about his way of thinking. 

While it had been some of Drake’s motivation in grouping up with Shuuichi, saving his friend from the trepidation of answering morally grey questions wasn’t on his mind when he spoke up instead of the other detective-to-be. 

“...you’d only be able to prosecute one person, at most,” he said, voice confused. “If your informant denied admitting to information theft, it would be your word against theirs. And if you presented private information that was obtained without a warrant, even if it wasn’t you who stole it, by being the one to present it during court, it doesn’t matter if it would prove the other party’s innocence or guilt--you would be arrested for undue process, Katlyn.”

Katlyn frowned, bringing up a finger to interject… before pausing. “Hmmm… shoot.” Katlyn muttered, tapping her chin, “That’s a little trickier then…”

John rolled his eyes, “Then you just take the sure bet. Persecute the informant. You get a reputation as being a reliable lawyer, and people stop doing dumbass things like trying to ‘help’. Moron should have stayed out of it anyway.”

“What about from the perspective of a guardsman?” Shuchi asked John, genuinely curious, “How do you approach it as a guard?”

“Heck if I know yet. Again, I’d bring it to a senior person if that happened to me. Ask the guys who have been doing this for twenty years what I should do. If, however, for whatever reason, I had to decide on my own, right now? No further information or assistance… well, most crimes aren’t ‘one and dones’, right?” John reasoned, sticking his finger in his ear and scratching some wax out, “You can’t use the stolen information to to arrest the guy, but now you know specifically what kind of evidence to look for. Stake out the guy, either to catch him in the act, or wait for actions that would justify the warrant to go get the info you already know is there. Plus, based on who the informant is? Yeah, maybe knock out two birds with one stone, if the moron volunteering info is dangerous themselves. You’re right in that it’d have to be done quietly though. Wouldn’t want people to hold back giving info just because they’re afraid it’d lead back to trouble for them.”

Shuuichi tapped his journal. “...isn’t the crux of this scenario though that the person giving info isn’t just some random person, but someone else in the field who, in theory, has done something wrong? Would your reactions be the same if it was, say, a detective, or another lawyer or guard, who brought you this information, versus a civilian or another criminal?”

Katlyn and John frowned. Thinking about it.

Honestly, John’s answer was closer to what Drake had been thinking himself. You can’t use the informant’s word in court, but you still would know the information’s there. You could ask the party if they would be willing to submit their private information to the court--likely in a...careful way, depending on the person, so you didn’t get put under the same lens as the informant--or search around for either an action, or somewhere freely accessible you could find the same information. 

For the informant themself, though…

Drake gave Shuuichi a surprised look, but thought about it himself. 

“...I think it would depend on the case. Why your informant was giving you the information…” Drake fumbled with his pen for a moment, but managed to simply lay it down on his notebook. “If the case was relatively minor...well, as a detective, I wouldn’t have the authority to arrest anyone myself, though in the field others are supposed to heed our insight more than civilian concerns… But I wouldn’t use the information, first, since there are likely other ways to find out the truth of the matter, but I’d look into the informant. See if stealing information is a habit for them, if they’re doing it out of...some sense of vigilante justice, or compulsive curiosity, or bitter spite… Then try to convince them to stop, or help them get into a field that would suit that sort of work better, with a threat of prosecution only if they refuse to stop or pivot into something else.”

Drake frowned down at his notebook, mostly speaking to it than the others. “For a major case, like...a homicide? It doesn’t matter who the informant is, really… The most likely reason for someone to resort to crime themselves in that situation would be to protect someone they love, either through a false conviction, or to find them justice. In that case… I would do as John said, try to stake out evidence elsewhere or vie for a warrant, set on the right path, even if it’s just a roundabout way of getting the evidence I already knew. But I would protect my source. They may be guilty of other crimes that’ll catch up with them, but...the very foundation of Dicean law is meant to help protect. Whatever helps its people the best…”

Looking away sheepishly, Drake traced the edge of a bandage on his face. “It is a bit easier to say that as a detective, though, since we’re free agents, and not government employees like guards and most lawyers…”

John sighed, frowning… before saying, “I could theorize and try to make a judgment call on my own now all I want, about what I’d do if it was another guard… but I gotta assume, one way or another, that there’s already a way this sort of thing is handled among guardsmen. And if whatever it is has worked this long, I’m gonna just conform to that. If it was a detective, I go back to my original answer. And if it was a lawyer… I don’t know. Depends on if they’re a sleezebag or not. Might turn them in just cause I don’t like their face.”

“Hey! What does that mean!? Lawyers are pinnacles of the legal system! You should show us some respect!”

“Show who some respect? Only lawyer I see here is the professor.”

“I will be eventually!! Don’t disrespect me just cause I’m still in training!!”

“You’re really not even technically a trainee yet,” Shuuichi mused. “Though I guess that just depends on your definition.”

“And by my definition, I am!” Katlyn huffed, pushing up her glasses, her eyes weirdly disappearing in the reflection of some light, “And my answer doesn’t change, regardless of who it is. If anything, if it was a lawyer, or a guardsman, or a detective? I’d throw the book even harder! Tell everyone in the world exactly what scumbags they are! Even if the courts let it go, it’d destroy their reputations. No one would trust them again!”

“...you can’t actually think like that.” Shuuichi said, still just a little overwhelmed by Katlyn’s point of view, “Like… is this performative? Do you think you have to say this?”

Katlyn looked equally flummoxed now. “No? It’s the obvious right thing to do. Even if you disagree or do something else other than that, you have to recognize that’s the wrong thing to do, even if it leads to a result you want. Not prosecuting a known thief to further your own agenda is just taking the easy or selfish way forward. The hard thing to do is the right thing.”

There wasn’t much of an argument to make, since Drake’s own opinions were subjective but...he could still privately consider turning someone in because of your personal distaste was a dangerous opinion for a guard to have. It was the kind of thing that let an abuser walk free while a necessitative thief hanged from the gallows. That was just the luckier of the bad routes too...more often it was just a body in a gutter. 

...that’s what had made Dicea interesting, in his opinion. And not just because there hadn’t been an official execution in decades. A guard could arrest someone on the grounds of personal dislike, but...they would be given a fair hearing, given a lawyer who would do what they could to either shuck off an unjust sentence, or to lighten a proper punishment, given a chance to be...considered a person, rather than shoved in the blanket of criminal. 

Drake frowned a bit, feeling something in the hollow if his still chest ache. “...are you just aiming to be a prosecutor, then? Somehow...I can’t see you fairly representing someone who committed a crime, especially if you consider them “scumbags” rather than people with unique circumstances.”

Katlyn smirked, nodding her head, not noticing his discomfort at all. “Absolutely! I get sick at the idea of being forced to defend a guilty person. I don’t know how any self-respecting lawyer does it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I understand why they’re necessary. Innocent people get caught up in the legal system too, and someone needs to look out for that. But the fact that even if the lawyer knows their client is guilty, and still has to defend them?”

Katlyn’s nose wrinkled in disgust. “I know I’d never be able to defend a guilty person adequately. I’m too biased. So, if someone has to, let some other person dirty themselves on that. I’d rather fight on the side of the light! Praise Pelora!!”

“...what?” Shuuichi asked, deadpan. Already realizing how draining this conversation could potentially become. Oh no… religion…

But, to Katlyn’s credit, she actually looked a little sheepish, blushing as she waved her hand dismissively quickly, “Sorry, sorry. Slipped out. That’s neither here nor there. In the end, there’s right, and there’s wrong. And I wanna be right!”

John sighed, glaring at the ceiling. Clearly incredibly annoyed. Great… now he had two religions to deal with… who the fuck even was Pelora? After all the trouble the Atuan shit got him into… ugh…

Drake sighed softly. He sincerely hoped Katlyn would never seek to practice law outside of Dicea… In all his studies, he hadn’t seen any particular law that could be systematically abused to hurt people...but there were too many nuances he didn’t know, and people were capable of truly horrendous things. Wielding the law like a weapon, for one, instead of a tool. 

“I suppose then it comes down to what you personally consider right and wrong...and while this is an ethics class, the point isn’t to gradually become one homogenous hivemind.” Drake’s face twisted a little at the last word, clearly finding the concept something truly disgusting. But then he calmed. “But as long as you know where you stand, and what is right and wrong in terms of the law, then you know the space you can move in, and what to expect from others’ movements. I think the crux of these exercises is to figure out what to do in the case a law is unjust, where the law would cause the most harm to people, and what to do when the law contradicts itself.”

“Of course, of course. And I feel confident where I stand because of our checks and balances within the legal system, and our commitment to do no harm! See, while I don’t think just following the letter of the law, at least in our country, could ever be considered in and of itself ‘unjust’,” Katlyn said, adjusting her glasses, “It’s not like I’m seeking to, or even really capable of, harming anyone through it. That’s not how our legal system works. No one’s going to get hurt, just because they’re a filthy scumbag criminal.” 

Shuuichi almost on reflex wanted to give Katlyn another entirely baffled look… but he paused and actually thought about it this time. “...I… guess considering the consequences of being accused of crimes in Dicea are comparatively mild… I guess there’s some truth in that. That it’s easier to chase after a guilty verdict, knowing no real harm will fall upon the guilty party,” Shuuichi realized. A little intrigued by this. After all… his fears for what a guilty verdict his own detective work would lead to for the people on the receiving end of it had been a huge stressor for him, back in Luminary… he couldn’t deny that. 

It’d certainly be less on his conscience, to reveal the truth here.

John scowled at that though. “Hey, I’ve heard that where you come from, punishments can get a little weird, so I get that’s where your head’s at. But don’t think punishments in Dicea don’t matter. People's lives get ruined by guilty verdicts. They lose their jobs, their opportunities. Their friends and networks abandon them and sometimes their families do too, unable to deal with the stress of trying to stand by them. And the poor bastards they send into permanent isolation lose all those things automatically. Not only that, but even if you get your life back together, or you were innocent the whole time, or, hell, you’re not even the person who actually did it, but are just associated with them, no one ever really forgets, and they never let you forget. That shit’s hard. So don’t treat accusations lightly. I hear some bad shit happens in Luminary, but bad shit happens here too. Don’t get cocky.”

“...you hear a lot about my country, huh John,” Shuuichi said blankly. “You have it all figured out, huh?”

John’s fists tightened… before he scoffed. “Whatever. We’re way off topic anyway. Is this shit over soon?”

Maybe Katlyn just had a different definition of hurt...but that was where their jurisdiction ended, and the jurisdiction of peer boards and government representatives took over. When the case was solved, and it was time to mete out punishment. 

Just...what punishment meant to people meant very different things, even just within Dicea. And when adding in the whole sample-size of Luminary too…

Drake looked between John and Shuuichi, an uncomfortable look on his face. In his opinion...punishments were much worse in Luminary, and you never knew if you were going to take the fall for something you had nothing to do with. However...if some of the culture had remained from the old days…

...forgiveness came much easier. In Luminary--Luminae, his actual Luminous mother had sometimes called it, the jewel of the west--if you survived past a punishment...it was done. You had suffered, and the debt was paid, and people just...moved on. The slate was clean. 

Except for when it wasn’t, and years of resentment built until there were legacies of hatred that made casual cruelty and disregard normal…

In Dicea, you would only lose your life in extreme cases, and according to the histories he’d read, the older vampires who’d been in the country for centuries, torture, internment, and direct servitude had been outlawed for...well, long enough for most people these days to consider such practices barbaric and archaic. 

But John was right. While it couldn’t be the official reason, people lost jobs and opportunities and basically...had everything but their life and body taken away, if the deed was deemed “bad” enough. For smaller, one-off crimes, pretty much everyone had something on their record, or at least knew someone who did, and it was public, so...it wasn’t a shocking thing that would make people tense and stick up their noses. But for more major stuff...it could be the end of your life, just with you still living. 

Diceans were protective of their history but...people did eventually forget. But for someone living their human life...that eventually was far too long. 

...maybe all that could’ve been interesting insight to the others, but…

Drake squirmed uncomfortably, trying not to look at anyone in their group. “I-I think I’ll ask if our break is gonna happen after this… Might…” The slim man mumbled something indistinctly about taking a bathroom break, going to stand up from his seat…

But with John nudging the desks forward constantly through their discussion, the top had come quite forward over Drake’s lap. Unable to fully stand up, Drake tried to go backwards, only for the back legs of his chair to stick against the floor. However, caught up in the movement, this all happening in less than a second, after all, Drake didn’t have enough time to just sit back down, and…

“Uu - uGAHH!”

CRASH

Drake fell backward over his chair, the damn thing following his momentum to the ground, while his desk popped up from his legs, becoming airborne for a moment before landing topside down on the poor man crushed between a chair and a desk, his legs turned up in the air.

Oh my god, Drake.

Shuuichi’s eyes widened, scooting back reflexively, his hand mindlessly going onto his stomach on instinct as Drake just seemed to… flip entirely upside down out of nowhere. However, hearing the thin man groaning from the floor, Shuuichi was quick to stand up from his chair, moving to try to get the desk off of him, pulling it off as books and notebooks slid off. “Drake! Are you okay?!”

The rest of the class watched in interest as John, who had been startled when the weight against his desk was suddenly gone and started tipping forward, dropped his own legs to steady himself on the ground before meeting a similar fate, getting up and leaning over the desk to look at Drake as he said, a raised eyebrow, “Geez… how’d you manage to do that, spaz?”

“What do you mean, how!? It’s ‘cause you were pushing his desk! Apologize to him right now!” Katlyn demanded, pointing accusingly at John, who just frowned, furrowing his brow.

“How is this my fault? I didn’t do anything. I lean my weight against desks all the time, no one ever literally flips over from it.”

“Would both of you shut up and help him up! I can’t bend over!” Shuuichi snarled, just so frustrated now.

“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Geez, spaz, here.” John said, getting up and offering Drake his hand, “You hurt?”

Drake couldn’t do much but groan under the desk for a moment. The chair had fallen in just the right way to jab into both the back of his thighs and his lower back before it’d landed on the floor, and the desk crushing his upper torso certainly wasn’t much better. But...no broken bones he could feel. So that was good. Thankfully he still had most of a blood bag at home…

“I’m okay...thanks, John, Shuuichi...ooph…” Accepting the hand up, Drake wrapped his other arm around his middle, looking a bit frazzled, but not too much worse for the wear. He immediately tried to pick things back up, but managed to catch the...many bewildered...concerned...wary gazes on their little group. 

If Drake was prone to wilting, seeing all that attention from such an...honestly stupid commotion made him wither on the vine. There was a small sound in the back of his throat, something soft and uncomfortable, while his very eyes seemed to waver and water. Wringing his tie, Drake quickly glanced around to the approximate areas his temporary groupmates were before giving a little nod. “I’m just gonna...bathroom...be back in a sec…”

Quickly, Drake sped-walked out of the classroom, only slightly stumbling around a few more desks as he left.

Shuuichi gave Drake’s retreating back a look of concern. He could hear John and Katlyn both saying something, Katlyn sounding huffy and accusatory, John sounding grumbly and annoyed, people in the class whispering…

Fuck ‘em. 

Shuuichi decided he didn’t care about what any of them were saying, and decided to just follow Drake without a word to anyone. No request to the teacher to leave, no word to his partners that they’d re-start the discussion later, no anything. He didn’t care if he seemed rude or not.

He didn't run, but he did move with purpose, assuming Drake was following through on his earlier thought of heading to the bathroom. Opening the door, Shuuichi called out, “Drake? Are you in here?”

From the moment he’d walked into class they’d known he was a fool, but this...this was him proverbially opening his mouth and removing all doubt. Calliope above he was so embarrassed…

Drake hadn’t been sobbing or anything, but there was a wet-sounding sniff when he heard Shuuichi call out his name. He wasn’t so self-disparaging that he was thinking that Shuuichi had followed him to, like...make sure they never spoke again, ‘cause Drake was too much of a fucking walking disaster to associate with, but…

...there was something nice to having a friend to check on him, but all he could feel was dread and mortification. 

Subtly wiping his eyes, Drake came out of one of the stalls, trying to give a smile Shuuichi’s direction, but only managing to curl into himself when it fell. “...right...shameful, isn’t it… Hiding in the bathroom while I’m in college.”

Shuuichi frowned at the look on Drake’s face, letting the door close behind him as he stepped into the bathroom. “...well, it’s a pretty decent place for priv-”

Almost on cue, the door to the bathroom started to swing open… and Shuuichi turned around and slammed his hand on the door. “Occupied!”

“What… the whole room?” someone called from the other side of the door.

“Yes.”

“Every stall?”

“Yes! ...I’m pregnant!”

“What? Uh…” the figure didn’t seem to know how to respond to that. “...so?”

“So I’m in here doing pregnancy things, go to the bathroom down the hall!” Shuuichi demanded.

There was a brief moment of silence… before the figure muttered, “Yeah, alright then.” The door closing again. 

Shuuichi huffed, locking the door. “...yeah, like I was saying. Bathrooms. Pretty good for privacy.”

Giving Drake a somewhat sheepish smile, Shuuichi looked down at the tile floor and sighed. “...Do you think it’s too gross for me to sit down? All of that was draining. I want to sit… Not you falling, by the way. Everything else. Well, no, you falling too. John’s an asshole. That was his fault, not yours.”

Drake cringed a bit as the door opened, but...thankfully things were ridiculous enough that the airy gasp of a laugh that let him could be interpreted as him laughing over Shuuichi’s excuse, rather… The whole reason he’d come to Usot was to protect this man, and here he was, protecting him. Sometimes it really did feel like the whole universe was laughing at him. 

“It’s...probably clean. Cleanest closest to the door… Ah, here, you can sit on this, if you want,” Drake offered, starting to take off his light sweater, taking a few steps closer to Shuuichi. 

Though, he shook his head a little. “No, it’s… John’s...abrasive, but it’s not his fault. Just...another bead on the string of bad luck.” Drake cringed into himself a little more, but sighed. “...I’ll be okay, I just… I need a sec to...not be a disaster in front of everyone, you know?”

“Don’t put your sweater on the ground, it’s cold outside, you’ll wear it home. Besides, no real difference between one or two layers of fabric,” Shuuichi decided, leaning his back against the door and sliding down it carefully with a sigh, sitting down. “And, lucky you, everyone’s not here. Shhhhh… I don’t count. Consider me part of the decor. You are alone in this bathroom, and all is right with the world.”

Drake smiled wanly, but it didn’t fall this time as he followed Shuuichi to the ground, sitting against the wall next to him, though a respectable distance away. The guy was in a relationship, after all. 

“...you make it easier for you to be here.”

The young vampire--because not even being three centuries old really was quite young, he’d been told--sighed, looking at his shoes. Laces still securely tied. He took another breath. 

“...thank you for being kind to me. I know it must be a lot to deal with all…” he gestured vaguely to the whole of himself, “...this.”

Shuuichi closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. A small, amused smile on his face as he said, “This? What’s ‘this’? I’m afraid you’ll have to elaborate.”

Drake glanced over to Shuuichi for a moment before letting go of another breath. “...my mom used to say I had some sort of demon’s curse on me. I know we were joking before, but… She said that it acted like a bad luck charm, for how much trouble I’d get into. It always was a joke in our family, but...she did tell me demon stories sometimes, so I don’t really know how much she ever believes it.”

“...I think I do consider it some sort of luck, though, ‘cause it only seems to happen to me. I dunno what I’d do if other people started getting hurt ‘cause I...knocked a knife off a counter, or tripped in front of a carriage. I can be thankful that other people don’t get hurt…”

Shuuichi almost automatically opened his mouth to say demons weren’t real, but… he thought of Nadya and closed it again. Just listening as Drake talked.

Adjusting his hat, Shuuichi said with a somewhat contemplative expression, “I’d imagine it’s just a case of clumsiness, but… if it’s bad enough that you’d half-believe it was a curse, then I suppose either way it’s still a problem.”

“Though… it sounds like people don’t get hurt around you, based on what you said. So I wouldn’t say you should apologize to anyone, for being the pitfall of bad luck. Especially not to me. I don’t mind it any… and I would still argue it was John’s fault anyway.”

Shuuichi smirked, turning his cool, golden gaze over to John as he offered, “Maybe you’re some sort of luck sponge? Maybe you get all of other people’s bad luck, and spare them accidents? Maybe if you hadn’t been there, I’d have fallen, or one of the other students… perhaps that’s not a comfort. And to be clear, I don’t really think it’s true. But that makes you almost heroic, if you think of it like that. Perhaps I should be thanking you.” Shuuichi teased lightly, before sighing dramatically, saying softly and in a slightly effeminate tone, “Drake, my hero. Taking the fall so I didn’t have to. Such sacrifice.”

He’d only really mentioned it because, at least in the old days, the people in his community had genuinely been wary about demons. Maybe it was something that had stuck around in Luminary, who knew? Too bad that caution hadn’t been any help when the Flora moved in…

Drake sighed, then laughed quietly, ever so gently nudging Shuuichi’s shoulder. “Wooow, what a difficult thing, not letting a pregnant man fall. Not a lot of people who would do that, I know.” He laughed a little more, shaking his head. “...if I really could take other people’s bad luck, it’d be almost like a superpower.”

And while it wasn’t to do with his luck...that’s how he tried to treat his clairvoyance. Just...trying to help people where he could, from what he could see. Even if his reason for seeking out Shuuichi in the first place was selfish...it was a selfishness that was rooted in a possible future anyway, and would help countless people on the continent. 

Still, Drake kind of wished he’d seen himself getting trapped between his chair and desk rather than seeing that his notes were unblemished today. Maybe he’d just let his guard down because of it. 

“It’s still embarrassing...but I care more about learning in this class than what a room full of my future peers think of me regardless of whether I’m there or not. Thanks for coming after me, Shuuichi. You’re a good friend.”

“Mmmm. You’re alright. And, honestly, you seem to have the most understanding of the material out of all of us, so I think you’re allowed to be a little distracted.” Shuuichi gave Drake a mildly surprised look at that last line, before smiling softly. “Are we? That’s nice… I liked to think so, of course, but that’s not the sort of thing people usually say. With my peers growing up, it was often enough to just sort of… believe we were friends at least in my own mind. People rarely confirmed it, one way or another.”

… who wanted to openly be friends, with the royal detective in training? That was inviting all sorts of drama into your life. Best to just keep it distant and polite...

Shuuichi sighed. Staring at the ceiling a bit. “You’re welcome, but I honestly was happy to get out of the classroom for a bit. I have so much to learn… I imagine you understand a bit, how out of water I am here, based on things your mother’s told you about Luminary. It’s all so different, I can’t imagine it was easy for her to immigrate here. What does she think of you becoming a detective? It’s usually indentured work… was she okay with it?”

Drake scratched his cheek bashfully at that. While his decision to start getting the necessary qualifications to become a detective had been a recent moment of panic, his fascination with Dicean law had been going for...a while. After he’d moved to Dicea and started to get acclimated to what the life of a vampire was like--cities were your friends, since every person who moved in and out of small areas made an impact, but you still couldn’t stay too long without getting a lucky break--he’d been able to see what Dicean life was like and...even a little over a century back, the difference in culture had been...astounding. The way the government functioned--they barely even referred to themselves as a monarchy, as the will of royals and nobles--was so...incredibly different from anything he’d seen that Drake couldn’t help but become enraptured with it. 

A more subtle vampire curse, he’d been told. The hobbies and hyperfixations hit hard, thanks to having a functional eternity to pursue them. 

And...maybe someone who had lost everything thanks to a broken government would naturally find one that sought to protect its most vulnerable members intriguing. 

So...maybe he had a bit more background knowledge than most people in the class. 

“Is it?” Drake questioned. “It can be nice, having that unsaid bond...but I’ve found it’s nice to hear. No questions about what someone’s thinking...and it’s kinda nice to be acknowledged.”

Nodding, Drake scratched his cheek again. “I hope I wasn’t...being too overbearing or anything, earlier. My mom wasn’t a guard or anything but...there are things you pick up just being in the culture, and comparing some of her stories...it sounds like another world at times. Please let me know if it gets to be patronizing or something like that, but I’d like to help out where I can, if there’s a big difference in a particular way the law works.”

And the whole nature of detective work was a big one. 

The honest answer was that the indentured program wasn’t a thing while his parents were alive but...if they knew what he was doing…

“It...took some convincing…” Drake sighed, tapping a bit on his knee, carefully keeping his injured fingers out of jar-zone. “She thought I was just...throwing myself into trouble. And getting involved with criminal justice, I suppose, is kind of that exactly… But I want to be able to help people. I’m not actually a superhero, and I can’t do everything...I may not even make a big difference in anything. But...there are things I can still do, and if it manages to help someone out...then I want to do it.”

He wasn’t a powerful psychic, and he wasn’t some super old, historied vampire. Drakon was just...some guy who saw a few opportunities he could take to make things better. At least how he saw it…

He laughed softly. “That’s actually why I’ve only just started classes here. My parents didn’t want me to go off to the big bad city by myself just yet...I took a few gap years, did some classes at a community college, saved up some money… Eventually, I did convince them. I don’t think my mom’s still particularly happy but...she respects that this is a decision I’ve made for myself. That’s all I can ask for, really.”

...he hoped they’d be happy to see where he was today. 

“That’s good,” Shuuichi said, shifting his arms underneath his stomach and just… sometimes the strain on his back lightened up, when he just took some of the weight onto his arms. This seemed to be one of those times, the vague ache in his back easing up. This kid was getting heavier… “Twenty-one seems like a decent time to start a career track. Or, at least to start experimenting with one. You might get through this and decide it’s not for you. There’s probably nothing wrong with that. Life is long.”

Staring at the far wall, Shuuichi confessed, “It’s strange… I might end up changing my mind, someday, on pursuing the detective track. I don’t know. I really can’t imagine myself doing anything else. I grew up doing this sort of stuff. Back in Luminary, I mean. And when I got here… I just assumed it’d be the natural next step, to go back to doing it. It’s what I’m good at, after all, and it’s not like I… hate it or anything. I take pride in it, really. But… I don’t know.”

“The mentor who taught me how to be a detective wants nothing to do with me, and now that I’ve gotten my head around that… I’ve found I’m not as eager to do it, as I was. I was looking forward to impressing her with stories of cases, but now that I know she’s not interested in hearing about them, I’m not as excited. And now that I have that doubt… I can’t help but feel that the only reason I’m doing any of this is just because… this is what I was raised to do. I don’t know anything different. Maybe I’ll wake up in a few years and realize I just… don’t like it?”

Shuuichi gave a tired blink… before shrugging. “When I worry about that, I remind myself I’m only twenty-three. I can still change my mind. Maybe someday I’ll think of something I want to do just ‘cause… I decided I wanted to do it. Don’t know what that could be. But maybe I’ll find out someday.”

There was absolutely no way Drake was going to be a detective forever--forever was a very, very long time--but...there was something relieving in remembering that his moment of panic to seem more valid than someone getting an entire degree as a passing interest wasn’t meant to dictate even his next ten years. He certainly wanted to stick around while Shuuichi was there, and the classes were things he was genuinely interested in, but...maybe it would be a brief three year sort of thing. Who knew?

...even in the lifespan of a human, who knew?

Drake looked over as Shuuichi expanded on his own life, what he thought of the future. Frowning, a bit, at the mention of a mentor just...up and leaving his life. Being suddenly afloat and not really...knowing who you were, or what you wanted. Drake had shown up to defend against more physical threats, but...Shuuichi was dealing with a lot more than that. It was really brave..

“Maybe…” he softly echoed. “I don’t think continuing on with something you knew is even close to a bad step to take, though. You could find that you don’t really enjoy detective work, or even specifically detective work in Dicea, and...I think it’s about as equally as likely that you might just find you like it when choosing it for yourself too. It’s just...something you have to see.”

Playing a little with his bandages, Drake gave a half-shrug. “And...I only have seen them briefly, but your partners strike me as the supportive types. Whatever you choose to do with your time and your life...well, I know I’ll root for you, and I get the vibes they will too.”

Shuuichi laughed, the sound small and soft as he said, amused, “My partners are incredibly supportive. It’s their whole ‘thing’. I’m honestly not sure what I’d have to do for either of them to stop wanting to support me, but I haven't hit it yet. And, trust me… I’ve done some things that tested that limit. Things I’m really not proud of. Neither of them ever hold it against me. I don’t know where they keep all that patience. I’m the bitter type, myself. I don’t react as harshly or wildly as either of them do to things that upset me, but I hold onto those feelings for a lot longer. At least, that’s how it seems to me.”

“It can be challenging, but I’m lucky to have them…” Shuuichi looked curiously at Drake. “What about you? You’re relatively new to the city, if I understand it right. Anyone you have your eye on since getting here? Or do you have a partner waiting for you back in your hometown?”

Drake smiled slightly, nodding. One of the best things someone could ever do was support you, and while he hadn’t exactly been worried otherwise--despite the rumors around the princes, though Drake had heard just as many kind things said about Kokichi, and he knew he couldn’t rely on Dicean opinion to get an accurate read on Kaito--it was still good to hear that his friend had a good family. Really...people who were likely qualified enough to protect Shuuichi and his daughter on their own, but having one more person looking out couldn’t be a bad thing. 

That nice feeling was undercut slightly, as Drake sputtered and darkened just a bit. “U-uh, no, that’s not… No, I haven’t been seeing anyone… Mostly I’ve been trying to get my own life together, though I was invited to a few social nights last semester by some of my classmates. It was fun hanging out, but I didn’t really...er, click with anyone like that.”

It wasn’t like he’d been warned off from dating, but...it did come with a few tricky things. Commitment was difficult, and meant you really needed to be careful, and while he’d heard stories from vampires who had fun just messing around...it always weirded him out a little. Being cold and without a beating heart was really something you needed to plan around, make sure you had a big meal before doing anything, don’t stick around to cuddle…

Forever was a long time without a partner, but for the time being, Drake was happy to avoid courting for the most part.

Shuuichi shrugged. “A guy like you? I’m sure you’ll make plenty of friends before long. You’re easy to talk to. And working on yourself sounds relaxing, honestly. Dating is stressful and hard… though I do, admittedly, get a lot of back rubs and cozy nap times out of it. Maybe not the most exciting thing, but it’s the little things, you know?” Shuuichi laughed. 

“Besides, there’s worse ways to get through life than being perpetually single. My partner’s… sister? Not genetically, that’s just how he sees her. His sister is doing this sort of… pseudo-relationship with this other woman? They’ve apparently been dancing around this concept that they’re together Kokichi’s whole life. Could you imagine? They live together, they’ve been ‘together’ for I think over a decade, and they’re either ignorant to each other’s feelings or in denial. Or, even worse, only one of them is either of those things and the other one just kinda has to… live with that. I have no idea what the actual situation is, but it sounds awful. I don’t know how they’ve put up with it this whole time.”

Shuuichi felt a little chill from the tile and laughed at himself about it. “Sorry… we’re having an entire conversation in the bathroom on the floor while class is going on… Do you wanna go grab a coffee or something after class? Pretend to be normal people who do things like talk in normal ways and not hide in bathrooms telling people I’m… I don’t know, doing pregnancy stuff in here. Pumping? I guess in theory I could be pumping. Word to the wise? Don’t genetically modify yourself to get pregnant. It’s a hassle. Everything gets really weird really fast.”

Drake blushed a little more, enough for a little color to be seen through his cheeks. A guy like him, huh? He didn’t think there were too many people busting down his door to talk to the guy that regularly got his legs tangled in the strap of his bookbag, but… It felt nice, having Shuuichi think that. And the few other acquaintances he’d made during his stint in college so far were nice to spend time with too. 

He looked over in curiosity when Shuuichi started explaining a fate worse than being single. He...hadn’t known the prince had a sister. Even in a found family sort of way. Though, if she wasn’t an adoptive sister, he supposed it wouldn’t have been anyone’s business, at least outside of those that knew them personally. 

He shook his head with an almost impressed sigh. “Prince Kokichi is about my age, right? And they’ve been doing that the entire time? That’s crazy...you’d think one of them would’ve buckled by now. Wonder what’s up with that…”

Drake gave Shuuichi another curious look at the “pumping” comment, though he...really wasn’t going to ask about that. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. But that look was broken into one of almost startled surprise and wonder. “R-really? I-I mean, I’d like to but...your partner usually comes by to meet with you after class, right? I don’t want to intrude or...make it awkward or anything.”

“It’s okay. You’ll just have to fight him for the right to take me out to a coffee instead. Ancient Luminary custom. You know how to use a sword, right?” Shuuichi asked, entirely blank-faced… before he snorted. “Wait, that won’t work on you, you actually know some things about Luminary. Shoot, my first real friend in Dicea, and I can’t even bullshit you with a bunch of fake Luminary stuff.”

Shuuichi looked fondly at Drake, as he said, “If you’d just rather not, that’s fine. But Kokichi would probably be ecstatic if I told him I didn’t want to walk home with him because I wanted to hang out with someone instead. He worries about me. I think he was half convinced for a minute there that I was going to spend the rest of my life in Dicea talking to no one but him, Kaito, and Maki.”

Rolling his eyes a little, Drake echoed Shuuichi’s snort, gently nudging his shoulder again. “Giving up that easily? I only have my mom’s stories, you know--get creative with some, like, newer traditions and you might be able to get me. Laugh at the dumb, unbelieving, gaping face I’ll make when you sneak some outlandish lie by. It’ll be more satisfying, I think.”

It was nice to joke around, but Drake’s voice cut off in a small sound when he really absorbed what Shuuichi had said. His...first real friend in Dicea? Drake had calmed down from his mortification before, but his eyes started going all watery all over again just from that sentence. 

Friends…

Feeling a little too giddy, but still trying to keep his cool, Drake let out an awkward little laugh, looking all too pleased as he pushed himself up from the ground, offering his hands to help Shuuichi up as well. “If it’s really alright...I’d like that. You’re a fun person to talk with, Shuuichi, and I like spending time with you, even if it’s just been us talking in class. And...maybe you’ll have a good story to tell your partners later too. Stave that worry off.”

Shuuichi accepted the hand up, grunting a little at the process of coming to a stand again. Fighting a brief sense of vertigo, Shuuichi sighed. “Good. I’d have been pretty heartbroken if you had said no. Believe it or not, I can get a little insecure. I’d have probably gone home and waaaaay over-thought this whole conversation.”

Shuuichi was teasing himself more than anything, but there was some truth in that. Drake was easy to talk to, and not exactly intimidating, which helped loads. But, well… too much time analyzing any conversation could morph this whole thing in Shuuichi’s mind as one embarrassing attempt at befriending someone who had no real interest in him. Blegh.

Going to unlock the door, Shuuichi said, “Alright… let’s go back and keep at this, I guess. Man, I am struggling to keep up. Dicea law seems to be as far from Luminary as you can get. Maybe over coffee you can clue me in to some basic stuff. I got the impression earlier that ‘innocent until proven guilty’ was such common knowledge that it would have never occurred to our teacher to add it to the lesson plan.”

“I think I understand the feeling,” Drake laughed softly. Not laughing at Shuuichi’s anxieties but...well, like he’d said. Having enough overlap in some of his own worries to understand it, and finding that amusing. 

“I’ll do my best to explain things. I mean, the general assumption thing...is kind of widespread knowledge if you grew up here, but it is in our textbook too. Just...in the preamble that I don’t think most people read, ‘cause it wasn’t assigned and preambles usually aren’t much more than talking about what a subject is and thanking the people who made the publication of the book possible…” Drake traced the edge of his bandages bashfully, admitting that he had indeed read the preamble of their textbook...and had skimmed through the whole of it too, just for his own curiosity. Most of it wasn’t anything new from the other law books he’d read, so...it was very possible that he could skate by on general knowledge, at least for a bit. 

But hopefully that would help him be able to answer any questions Shuuichi had.

-

Kokichi had, as Shuuichi had guessed, been ecstatic to hear that Shuuichi was hanging out with a friend after class. He’d given Shuuichi a great big hug and danced around a little before wishing them a good time--briefly introducing himself to Drake, and he’d honestly been a little shocked by the warm greeting from a prince--and telling Shuuichi he’d see him at home. 

Honestly...the prince had looked a little...drained, to Drake, despite the excited smile and light and life in his movements. But the younger man was notoriously prone to illness so...maybe that was just his normal. 

But the two of them decided to head out to a nearby coffee shop, thankfully finding an empty table in the cafe.

Shuuichi had been pleased to see Kokichi so happy for him, easily accepting the hug and watching his boyfriend giddily dance around with only a little second hand embarrassment, laughing a little sheepishly. He promised Kokichi to see him at home, planning to head back to the castle after this, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek before waving him off.

Kokichi seemed a little tired. Maybe work had been busy. Shuuichi would ask him about it later.

Sitting down at the table with a relieved sigh, glad to not be sitting at a desk and not standing or walking (or, for that matter, on a bathroom floor), Shuuichi tilted his hat slightly, taking the warm cup of coffee they had gotten before sitting down and letting it warm his hands. “Dicean winters last too long,” Shuuichi decided, looking outside at the frigid cold out the window. “Spring is going to be a relief for a lot of reasons, when it finally gets here.”

Drake similarly looked out the window, eyeing the small mounds of snow that had been shoveled off walkways, figuring that some of it had been there for almost three months now. “They are pretty rough. You don’t really strike me as the festival type, but people go kind of nuts when the weather finally starts warming up. Hanami’s the big one, of course, but that’s only when the trees start blooming… There are all sorts of festivals and parties that people set up to celebrate the end of winter. This’ll be my first year to see it in a city, though, so I can’t even imagine what the mood’s going to be like.”

It was really endearing, how Diceans whole-heartedly celebrated every turn in season. It was a good way to keep track of time too. 

Taking a sip from his coffee, Drake turned back to his friend. “If you don’t mind my asking, what else are you looking forward to in spring, other than the weather warming up?”

“Miyako,” Shuuichi said immediately, still looking out the window, before realizing- “Oh, I mean… my daughter. She’ll be showing up in spring. Which will be quite something for a lot of reasons, but in no small part, because it’ll be someone else’s turn to carry her for awhile,” Shuuichi said, rolling his eyes a little. 

Though, he mused, “Not just her, really… in theory? There will be quite a few more children around, in late spring. My friend Maki has returned to Luminary over the winter to escort a group of children for a Luminary/Dicea culture exchange program back here. They’ll be set up with foster families, so it’s not like I’ll see them all the time, but I’ll feel somewhat responsible to keep an eye on them as well, so that will be interesting when it happens. Along with… well, maybe a friend of mine who I’ve missed quite a bit for the last year. Though… it’s occurred to me he will likely refuse to come. His sister will be in Luminary. I imagine he’ll insist on staying with her, until she’s ready to return. Which is a shame. I’d have liked to have seen him.”

“...may I tell you a secret? And it is a secret. That’s why I ask.”

Drake smiled softly, laughing at Shuuichi’s mild quip. He had to imagine the man was sick to death of his pregnancy already, but… Miyako, huh? The name of the woman who was going to de-weed the Floras… She was an important person, but...important personally to people too. He’d keep them both safe…

But the spring anticipation didn’t just stop there. 

Drake’s eyes widened slightly. “...like...children-children? I heard about that exchange, after the fact. Apparently all the slots had been filled way before I even saw the notice, but I thought it was just a...college-exchange sort of thing.” Which he’d thought was odd, since Luminary was going through a civil war at the moment but...if they were sending college volunteers...who had volunteered before anyone casually saw the notice, and were getting actual Luminary children instead…

...they were basically smuggling kids out of Luminary. Somehow with Luminary on board. Was it...just anyone who could pay enough to keep their kids out of danger for the time being or…

It took Drake a good moment to absorb all that, but he managed a smile Shuuichi’s way. “I hope he ends up coming, especially if his sister is heading back here eventually too. While I may not have anyone, er, special back home, there are a lot of people I’m looking forward to seeing again the next time I go back. Reunion is a wonderful thing.”

Taking another sip of his coffee, Drake wondered just...what Shuuichi wanted to tell him. “...I don’t make a habit of being a blabbermouth. If there’s something you want left in confidence, then it’ll stay there.”

“Yes, children. It’s technically a ‘student’ exchange program. So the only criteria, in theory, is that the students are enrolled in a school… I have no idea how they worded it in Luminary to make it fit though. No doubt some of the kids will be infants. Perhaps they’re labeling the Indentured Program a student program? It is meant to be a job training program,” Shuuichi said, a bitter smile at the thought. “The oldest of them will be twelve, though the majority of them will be somewhere between infancy and ten. It’s rare for anyone in the program to stay within the orphanage till the time limit of twelve. Most are put in job training tracks by ten. It does happen though, so…” Shuuichi shrugged. “We’ll see who we end up getting.”

No matter who it ended up being, Maki herself would likely be somewhat familiar with almost everyone in the group, barring brand new infants and the unfortunate children who had only just lost their parents in the last year. And it wouldn’t matter to Maki, if she hadn’t met them before anyway. His friend had a sense of obligation to any orphan who grew up in that particular shelter. She felt a responsibility to all of them. Her siblings. Getting any of them would be a victory.

Shuuichi was still bitter she had left for a suicide mission, but… he was happy she had managed to achieve this. It was no small thing. He was proud of her.

Shuuichi searched Drake’s face for a moment. He had felt entirely confident when he asked, but now that Drake had said yes… Shuuichi’s comfort around Drake didn’t necessarily mean anything. Drake could still be… something. Someone. A betrayer. An enemy. A spy. Just, well… an asshole. And Shuuichi hadn’t seen the signs yet. Just because Shuuichi liked him didn’t mean he could be trusted.

“... I’m not the forgiving sort,” Shuuichi said darkly. Giving Drake a hard look, a chill radiating off him, the air around them growing somewhat frosty. “I mean this. When I ask for discretion, I mean it.”

...not rich kids. 

Indentured kids. 

...Dicea was smuggling slaves out of Luminary, and Luminary was...letting them? Drake couldn’t even begin to understand how it happened, and there was a part of him that suddenly feared for Shuuichi’s friend and all the volunteers. Worried that it was some sort of sick trick…

But people who understood the situation far better than he did had likely worked everything out and had done risk assessment so… He could just hope that it was really true. The kind of Luminary Drakon was was the kind he doubted anyone alive would even recognize but...he still felt some kinship. Knowing the chances that the descendants of at least some of the people he’d known and loved were still around. 

For how bloody and horrible the Momotas’ rise to power had been...Drake didn’t resent the new people of Luminary or the country it had become. To him, all the tragedy had been the Flora’s fault. While there would still be human cruelty, at least with the Flora gone, people would be on a level playing ground again. 

...but for the chance for some children to get out of there, to have a chance in their lives to be more than what those parasites wanted…

Drake didn’t pray much these days. Not when he’d heard how little the gods could actually do. But maybe he’d break out a blessing, just in the hopes that luck could turn in favor of those kids. 

Broken out of his amazed reverie, Drake was a little surprised by the chilly hostility in Shuuichi’s voice...but he nodded. His face serious. “...the fact that you’re bringing up a secret at all speaks to the faith you have in me...and I don’t appreciate that lightly, Shuuichi. But...I mean, we both know we haven’t known each other long… My words may not mean much to you.”

“...but I swear on the will of my family name I won’t tell another soul. You don’t even have to tell me now...or ever. But betrayal is not something I take lightly either.” Drake’s eyes narrowed a bit, not focusing Shuuichi in his disdain, but it was there all the same. “I would sooner have my heart staked out than to rebuff the trust someone has put in me.”

People could, of course, say pretty swears all they like… but Shuuichi relaxed slightly to hear it. People didn’t swear idly in Luminary, and while Drake wasn’t Luminous, he imagined the importance of swearing was taught to him by his mother. It’s not like people wouldn’t lie through swearing in Luminary, but it was considered an extremely shameful thing to do, and even the most casually cruel Luminaries had difficulty doing it with a straight face or a clear conscience. Most people, when they lied through swearing, relied on ‘exact wording’ loop-arounds, rather than outright lying. So long as you kept an ear out for that, it was more often than not safe to believe people when they said that.

So, Shuchi relaxed. “Thank you. I’m sorry to be aggressive like that. I just… I‘ve been wanting to say this to someone. But there’s no one I can safely talk to about it. Not yet.”

Shuuichi hesitated agan, fiddling uncomfortably with his coffee… before saying, quietly “There’s another infant in the spring that I will, technically, be a guardian of, when it’s born… I haven't told either of my partners. And I’m not really sure what’s going to happen when both spring and it arrives.”

Drake’s eyes widened, but other than that, he did a pretty commendable job at holding up a poker face. Sure...sometimes he got the wrong idea about what he saw of the future meant but...he was pretty damn sure that the daughter inside Shuuichi now was the woman he’d seen. So...who was this?

“...you really don’t have to tell me any more than this,” Drake started, keeping his voice similarly low. “But...I mean, if you haven't told your partners, can I assume that you’re not having twins? Or…”

Technically a guardian. Technically. “...are you a godparent?”

Shuchi’s brow furrowed, as he whispered, “God, am I?”

Clearly not having considered that yet, he fiddled some more with his coffee, as he said, “No, no, I brought this up because I really want to talk to someone about it. It’s been on my mind, as you can imagine. It’s…” Shuuichi scoffed, looking tired, “It’s my friend, Maki, once again making trouble for me… I love her, but her sense of duty and responsibility is a curse on both her and everyone around her. And, unfortunately, I’m around her quite a bit.”

“Maki… took guardianship over two… honestly nightmarish young men, before she left for Luminary. She wanted to be certain they’d both be looked after within the legal system, and she also wanted to be certain they’d never cause harm to our family again. Her… love and attention isn’t always a blessing. Having Maki Harukawa take a personal interest in you can be its own sort of hell, depending on the circumstance,” Shuuichi said, face drained, thinking of the long weeks he had been essentially tied to her hip in rehabilitation.  “And she didn’t just forget about them when she decided to take a long trip to Luminary. She asked me before she left to do the paperwork to be a co-guardian to them. Basically, I’m just meant to be kept in the know and consulted for all the legal things going on with them right now… I have no love for either of them, and I frankly don’t care what happens to them. But she cares, and I care about her, so I said yes, with the expectation that when she returns, I can take myself off their forms.”

“But, in the middle of setting everything up, before she left, she randomly dropped one last bombshell on me… another woman who I equally detest is…” Shuuichi frowned. “...pregnant with their children. Child. A situation quite like my own, apparently. She was going to abort it, but apparently couldn’t go through with it. One of Maki’s charges asked her for help with the child, and Maki promised to take temporary guardianship over it when it was born, until a family could be found for it. She just wants to make certain the child will be okay, but… once again. She went to Lumnary. And needed someone to fulfil that promise on her behalf in case she couldn’t return in time. And, well… guess who got saddled with that.”

Drake listened to Shuuichi’s predicament with rapt, serious attention, a part of him finding it almost funny that this was veering into their plan of talking about Dicean law anyway. Though...there really wasn’t anything funny about the situation himself. 

It… There was an educated guess he could make. Two nightmarish young men and a woman… The prince’s kidnapping had been a pretty major event in the news, and being as interested in law as he was, Drake had made sure to catch the records of the court cases for the cult members who had kidnapped Kokichi. 

If they really were the people Shuuichi was talking about… He really couldn’t imagine how frighteningly strong Maki’s conviction and sense of responsibility were. 

“That...yeah, that’s certainly a situation…” Drake murmured, his brow furrowing. “And...I admit, my mom didn’t really have much to tell me about how orphanages work in Luminary, but… I’m guessing no matter how it works here, you guys would be more comfortable looking after the child yourselves until you can find someone ready to adopt, rather than admitting them to an orphanage.”

If Shuuichi didn’t want to look after the child, then that outlook was more on the side of self-sabotage, but…

“...if you’re going to take care of them...I think that’s a conversation you have to have with your partners sooner than later. Especially since you’ll be taking care of your daughter at the same time. Even if you don’t care for their biological parents, it’s not fair to treat a baby as an afterthought.”

Shuuichi sighed, before sipping on his coffee. Giving himself a moment to think and, frankly, a moment to feel bitter as he said, “I know… I think a part of me keeps hoping that the situation will change. Maki will come back and deal with it, or maybe the mother will have a change of heart. Not that it would matter, she’s going through the legal system herself, and I have no idea what’s going to happen to her when it’s all settled. I imagine she’ll end up raising a garden, and somehow I doubt they’ll send a child along with her to do that… though I don’t really know.”

“...I don’t mind helping the child. I don’t want to end up raising it, but that’s not what Maki’s asking me to do anyway. She just wants me to ensure its safety and comfort while she’s away, and…” Shuuichi looked tense as he said quietly, “...leaving it to an orphanage… anything could happen to it… they could hurt it. Sell it. I know in Dicea they wouldn’t. Both me and her got a long talk with some lawyers when we were doing the paperwork about the efficiency of orphanages in Dicea. I understand that, but… if it’s not true? Who's going to know? The child will just be… lost to people who might hurt it. We’d never know one way or another. We’d have abandoned it.”

“...I should tell them. I know I should. But Kaito’s going to hate it. And… I really don’t know if Kokichi will like it any better. I don’t want to burden either of them with my choices. With Maki’s choices. I just…” Shuuichi rubbed his forehead, a headache coming on, “...it’s a bit overwhelming. Maki always bites off more than she can reasonably chew… it might not end up that I ever even meet the child. The system is already looking for a suitable family to take it, and my only job could be meeting the family in Aba and Maki’s place, representing the two of them. It might be as simple as meeting a nice family one day and telling Aba, the mother, that the kid’s going to be okay. But that’s not guaranteed and… I should tell them.”

Drake nodded slightly. Raising a garden...sounded and awfully lot like a euphemism for isolation therapy. It wasn’t so much that not allowing family members to be together was a punishment, though it certainly was, as much as the people who were sent to isolation were in that position because they were harmful to the people around them. If the mother was capable of safely raising and caring for her baby, then she wouldn’t be sent to isolation. 

In the cases he’d read where children were a factor, they were either given guardianship to a close family member or a godparent, and in some factors where the parent was genuinely too unstable to care for a child, but still wanted them, and the child had nowhere else to go, then they were usually assigned to a foster family until their parent was stable enough to return. A way of contact, but making sure the child had the love and stability they needed in the meantime. Maybe even until they were adults themselves and could make decisions about whether they wanted contact with their birth parent. 

And in the cases a parent didn’t want their child...then that was where foster families and orphanages came in. 

And orphanages really did look after their kids well. Drake had never been in one himself, only able to really get by claiming he was about 18 or 19 at the youngest--vampires, he’d learned, mostly stuck by a rule of never turning children. Even to save a life, it was just a horrible life to lead, living forever but being stuck in a child’s body. It had been...a scary thought for a while. If he’d just been a little younger during that battle…--but he’d had friends who had been orphans. Most had only lived at the orphanage for a year or two before being adopted, and it only took that long because the staff made sure to give the kids a long transitionary period to make sure they were okay from whatever circumstance had landed them in the orphanage, and then that they were okay and connecting with the person wanting to adopt. There had been a few that stayed a bit longer, but almost seemed to lament leaving, missing friends and their caretakers. There were the rare odd ducks that resented the orphanages, that considered foster families pity support, but Drake had always gotten the impression that it was never because of mistreatment.

But just another person telling Shuuichi all that wouldn’t silence the doubt in his mind, and even less in his friend’s. 

However…

Aba. Aba Gnome. ...In fairness, Drake didn’t know Prince Kokichi that well, but...it would take a particularly selfless and caring person to be alright caring for the child of the people who kidnapped and tortured you. It was no fault of the child, of course, but...it would still be a difficult thing to reconcile. 

He sighed, really feeling the weight of Shuuichi’s situation. “Hopefully, that does end up happening, that the system finds a good family before the kid arrives. But...yeah. If you’re involved, then your partners are involved too. I can’t speak to their characters but...this is the life of an infant. You can figure out a plan together, if the timing doesn’t work out.”

Shuuichi nodded...before giving Drake a grateful smile. “I’m sorry. I know that was a lot. Like I said, I haven't had anyone I felt comfortable talking about this to, and once I realized I had someone who wouldn’t be directly affected by it either way… I really appreciate you hearing me out on this. It’s honestly a huge relief to be able to talk to someone about it.”

Drake returned Shuuichi’s smile. “I’m glad I can be someone you feel alright confiding in. There may not be much I can do to help with the situation itself, but...I’ll always be willing to be a listening ear. If wishes were fishes we’d all have enough to eat, I know,” he lightly rolled his eyes, “But I do really hope this works out. If you need someone to vent to after to talk to your partners, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks...I don’t even know how to begin having that conversation with them…”

Sipping on his coffee again, letting the caffeine warm him… Shuuichi then smiled warmly at Drake. “Okay. All of that aside… innocent until proven guilty, huh?”

Grinning gently with a nod, Drake fiddled with the bandages around the splint on his finger. “Yeah. You have to have definitive proof beyond a reasonable doubt to charge someone with a crime. If the circumstances are that they could’ve done it, but there’s nothing to prove that it was specifically them in the actual way it went down, then there’s no conviction. A prosecuting party can insist on further investigation, but there’s only been a few times in written record where extended investigation has actually done anything for a case.”

“With that kind of mindset…” Drake gave Shuuichi a sheepish smile, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but people get kind of wound up if you accuse them of things. No one likes feeling like they’re being blamed for things.”

“However...I think some of the way you were talking in class, about making a suspect list, I think there are some people in criminal justice that work that way. Taking in the facts of the case and eliminating people from there...it just can’t produce an official accusation until you have proof that points to someone, and if you start bluffing and accusing people without it, they might just make the investigation harder.”

Drake hummed, staring a little into space. “...it might even come down to just a way of wording things. Like...asking around at the start of an investigation, explaining that you’re trying to narrow down possibilities, so asking about who was around the crime scene at the time of incident… There are some major differences, but some of your past skills might just need a change of perspective to fit here, not to find new skills altogether.”

Shuuichi, idly, took his journal out and a pen, jotting down little notes as Drake talked. Nothing in depth, just small keywords that would remind himself later to give this more thought as he said aloud, “I see… it seems like the key word is ‘subtle’...hmmm…”

Shichi frowned, considering all this, before saying, “So… I’m guessing you can’t request the guardforce to hold suspects while the investigation is going on, and, well, I’ve been learning more and more about the concepts of ‘warrants’. Investigations sound like they can take considerably longer here than they would have back home, considering all the paperwork involved… it’s amazing to me guilty parties don’t just run for it, considering all the time they have to plan and do so. Do they?” Shuuichi asked Drake curiously, “It’s fine if that’s something you wouldn’t know. I’m just curious how that’s handled.”

“It seems like a bit much at times, yeah,” Drake nodded with a slight laugh. “From what I’ve read, every step of the process was meant to ensure that people would never be stuck in a situation where they had no rights. The moment there’s no overhead accountability about your treatment, that’s where abuse creeps in...or, at least that’s the mindset in making rules like this.”

Taking a moment to drink his coffee, Drake nodded again, feeling a little...happily embarrassed to see Shuuichi taking notes on what he said. “Oh, people have run a lot...but it’s really situational. If someone sees you leave a crime scene, then that’s something tying it to you. You can run, sure, but it’s hard to hide in this country.”

Part of the reason why, when he was introduced to Dicean vampires, and especially in more recent years, they stressed not causing a ruckus. Moving across the country and changing your name helped a lot, but the easier travel and communication got, the harder it would be to hide. 

“I don’t mean to assume so much, but...you do live in the castle, have seen the archive. Every citizen is catalogued in there. If your name gets put on the radar…” Drake sighed, apparently finding the scenario more than a little daunting. “It’s not just, ‘hide out for a little while, then keep on’. Running means giving up every part of your life. It’s the kind of thing only a premeditated crime would allow, really. Something that you thought was worth giving up everything in your life.”

“However… There actually is a way of holding suspects.” Drake perked up a bit, raising a finger. “If there’s enough proof tying them to be at least suspicious, they have a travel ban put on them, meaning that they can’t leave the city until their name is either cleared, or they go through a court case. Trying to evade it is a crime in itself, and then you’re back at the running and hiding dilemma.”

Note, note, note… “I think Katlyn had a point. I hate how she says literally everything, and I kind of wish she would shut up forever, but if the punishment isn’t considered worse than the mere act of giving up the current life you have by running, then I can understand why that would be an incentive to stay. In Luminary, we have a similar system, under certain circumstances. Submission bows.”

Tapping the journal, Shuuichi explained, “It’s risky. Very risky. But if a person doesn’t want to risk their life by running and hiding from a crime, and they don’t want to risk their life by throwing themselves at the mercy of the court-- there isn’t any mercy in Luminary courts, by the way. That’s a bad bet-- then, legally, a person could potentially get out of legal punishment by making a personal plea to the accuser via a submission bow. Then it’s up to the wronged party, what’s going to happen to them… and really, anything could happen. Once you’re done the bow? You legally give up your rights when it comes to that individual. They could do anything to you, and society will look the other way. Which is bad if the accusing party would quite like to kill you over it.”

“But, the bows are a calculated risk. Unless you consider it an ‘honor’ thing, you don’t see people bowing to accusers who are likely going to kill you over it. Maybe you stole something and don’t want to go to jail for years on end? That’s a decent reason to bow, most people would be pleased to just beat the shit out of you or put you into debt for what you stole. Maybe you killed or seriously hurt someone in self defense? The person or their loved ones might be willing to just maim you rather than kill you. And, if it goes well? Then, hopefully, you’ll be able to just continue your life the next day… minus maybe some fingers or an ear or something.”

“...I’m glad they don’t do it that way here.” Shuuichi admitted with a sigh. “It’s a harrowing thing, and it puts a lot of responsibility on both sides of the party to handle a high stress situation using their own judgment. That can result in a lot of bad feelings over time… people who would have wanted to have the person killed but couldn’t bring themselves to do it and regret it, people who realized afterwards that they didn’t want the person to die and regret that… my boyfriend, Kaito, was put in that position when he was a kid. Someone-” Shuuichi frowned, guilt flashing across his face, “-killed his mentor, and since the priestess’s knew he was closest to her out of everyone, they put the man’s punishment in his hands. He’s never said it, but I know it still bothers him. It’s the sort of decision that can scar a person… I think, even if it’s frustrating, it’s kinder to take that process out of peoples hands.”

Drake listened in interest to Shuuichi explain submission bows, but...he wasn’t totally contextless. But the way it happened nowadays...it really was just narrowing a court to two people to settle in a few minutes what took usually dozens of people sometimes months to sort out in Dicea. It was crazy, how different the systems were…

Back in his day… They called it the Mercy Bow. It wasn’t something common to ever see, usually among people in the underground and around the few nobles you could trust. You’d bow down, head on the ground--or whatever surface you were on--splay your hands wide and...usually just lose a finger, though there had been a rumor going around that someone had totally seen a guy without a hand that lost it in a Mercy Bow. 

But that was it. If you tried to kill someone in a Mercy Bow, or tried to extort some sort of deal...no one accepted that. Likely, that person would have to find themselves in a Mercy Bow, or taken to the people’s court which...yeah. Weren’t merciful. But it was easy to see how a practice like that would’ve changed over the years. 

Frowning slightly, Drake sighed. “...it’s easy to resent the people in power, but I don’t think people realize how...traumatizing some forms of responsibility can be. You never know what you’re going to get, either, if it all comes down to an individual. Man…” Drake grinned a little, shaking his head. “Luminary people on the whole must be really good at risk assessment.”

Shuuichi looked a little startled at that, and was surprised at himself. It… wasn’t often anyone paid his home country even something resembling a compliment. Hell, growing up with Maki? Not even at home did he hear anyone say anything resembling a compliment. With the exception of Kaito’s, honestly, pathetic attempts to find things to love about it, everyone’s favorite hobby growing up was shit-talking everything around them, and leaving for Dicea hadn’t made any of it look any rosier in hindsight.

...it wasn’t always easy, growing up in a place you couldn’t really take any pride in. In Shuuichi’s case, he had learned to just take none of it personally. Keeping his association with Luminary at an emotional distance, since he didn’t have Maki’s resolve to change it, nor Kaito’s insistence on loving it. It was why it was so easy for Shuuichi to leave it behind, and why it didn’t hurt him to hear over and over again how much worse it was in every conceivable way, in comparison to Dicea. He just… didn’t care.

...but he still found himself a little flustered, adjusting his cap, as he said, “Well… I mean, we’ve… managed to find our own sort of harmony, among it all. I know how we sound, but it’s not like we’re killing each other in the street. It can actually be very pleasant, to live in Luminary, sometimes… we’re very polite to each other. We respect each others boundaries and we don’t, generally, make nuisances of ourselves, because we know how dangerous fights can become. In Dicea, I know how we behave doesn’t seem respectful. We’ve been told.” Shuuichi sighed, rolling his eyes a little, “But in Luminary, how we behave usually just results in everyone being just sort of generally… nice to each other. Maybe not close or open, but peaceful. Working hard to keep that peace. Because when it’s not peaceful? When things erupt? ...We become very extreme in our actions. We don’t… well...”

Shuich paused, before admitting, “I have to admit, maybe I’m not the person who should say how ‘things are’ in Luminary. My situation growing up was relatively unique. But, from personal experience? Things were always peaceful and calm, right up until they weren’t. Long periods of calm, sudden, brief periods of violence. Then calm again. That was our whole lives.”

He was happy to hear that, genuinely. Even taking away his life there as a vampire, and the bloody take-over that had started it, Drake had enough perspective to see that the norm that had been his human life in Luminary was...something that would unsettle the average Dicean, even a century ago. It was...it was...a difference in how Dicea’s structure tried to ensure harmony, while Luminary’s people kept it up. Maybe. 

Hopefully once those horrid parasites were burned away, his distant kin would find more peace in their lives. 

“Excuse me being on the sappy side, but… It does sound like something beautiful to me. People creating their own peace.” Drake smiled into his drink before laughing softly, giving Shuuichi an apologetic look. “Though...I’m sorry, but the comparison that comes to mind is, like, mood stabilizers. Luminary having extremes, Dicea muddling around a weird middle ground…”

“I think things are a little different right now because of the war, but...there’s something to be said about not appreciating what you have because it’s always around. It sounds like, well, you, at least, really appreciate those calm, peaceful times.”

Drake’s mouth dipped into a bit of a grimace before he sighed. “It’s not as if the punishments for crime in Dicea aren’t of consequence, but...I really don’t think people have the perspective of how severe it could be. I think...the perspective you have is something that’ll be invaluable as a detective here. I think you’d be able to understand the processes of criminals more than many could--she’s young, but...Katlyn’s perspective on criminals, and why someone would commit a crime are...kind of dangerous. And unhelpful. She’s a bit extreme, but there are still plenty of people who just...wouldn’t understand why someone would do things that are “wrong”. With only people like that, I don’t think you’d ever be able to find the underlying issues.”

Shuuichi, again, grew a little flustered at that. “...back home, my…” Shuuichi shrugged, fidgeting a little, “...my preference for understanding motive was considered somewhat of a hindrance. My mentor wasn’t pleased by my… ‘empathy’.”

Even admitting he had it seemed to embarrass Shuuichi, his gaze drifting away defensibly. “...I understood why. People can use empathy to trick or hurt you. A detective must remain entirely neutral. They must be empty and without bias. A true detective only cares about the truth. Nothing else.” Shuuichi said, clearly quoting what he had been raised to believe, “...but…”

Again, an embarrassed look, as Shuuichi said quieter, like he was trying to not be overheard, “...I’ve always thought… maybe there was a sort of truth beyond just… truth? Like… like a greater truth. Not just understanding the facts of the case, but… maybe really understanding it… which is of course foolish. It's just distracting, and it’s entirely unnecessary for a detective to really understand anything beyond the facts. It’s not like we affect the laws or anything like that. We’re simply meant to find the truth to present to our betters, and let them decide what to do with what we found…”

More fidgeting with his cup, “... but a part of me always hoped or, well… maybe ‘hope’ is the wrong word… a part of me believed it was maybe admirable to want to investigate for more than that… it’s interesting, the idea that that belief might be… expected here. Interesting and alarming.”

“People can use empathy to hurt you, true, but without it you can’t connect to others. Can’t lie to them in a way that matters, can’t come to an understanding to figure out what’s going on in a much easier way than what you might be able to find the same lead in objective facts...least that’s what I’ve believed,” Drake murmured, but on the whole just let Shuuichi talk. 

And while on the whole Drake didn’t know much about Luminous detectives...he knew enough for this sort of conversation. For the kind of work they did, understanding the greater web of a case would only hinder them. They simply were meant to find the facts someone wanted to hear, then leave for the next case. Not being any more involved than that. 

“...it might’ve not been what your mentor hoped, but...if the word of a Dicean-raised detective hopeful means anything to you, I think it was very noble of you to try and understand how your cases related to the world at large.” Drake offered a bashful, but genuinely earnest smile to his friend. 

“On paper, detectives are supposed to find the truth of a matter and present it to our clients, but...there’s so much more than that. And...to a point, we do get to decide the sort of things the people who are affected by our information face. The fact of a matter might be that the woman is lying about killing the man, while the child is the culprit...but it’s up to what the detective thinks is right to expose that. If the woman is willing to take the fall for someone who barely even comprehends what they’ve done...that might be more just that catching the actual culprit. You might track down the missing teenager, but it turns out the person that hired you has been abusing them. And,” Drake interjected himself, “In Dicean law, returning the teenager to their abuser would actually be a crime. In the same scenario, though, the teenager might’ve killed their abuser instead of running. It’s still murder, but finding out that why turns it into a charge of self-defense, and not any other degree of murder.”

“...everything in the world affects everything else, and people are emotion-driven beings. Refusing to look at the big picture would...be refusing to do your full duty as a detective. We’re not meant to nail down criminals. No one in the field of criminal justice is.” Drake furrowed his brow a bit, looking down at the table, much like he had during their group conversation in class. “The jobs are meant to protect people. Even the ones hurting others.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s true…” Shuuichi mused, before sighing, “Though, I wish all cases were that sympathetic. People capacity for cruelty can be… depressing. I’ve seen people ruin each others lives on mere impulse. No motive. At least not any that they didn’t have to reason out for themselves later, after the fact. The thought occurred to them, so they just… did it. And I’ve seen people whose motives were… truly despicable. Just… monstrous… it’s hard to want to understand that. And I feel like my mentor was trying to shield me from that, sometimes… but, well. Now I’m partly responsible for the wellbeing of two of said monsters. I don’t know why Maki cares about either of them, but… well, they’re a part of my life now. As much as I’d have rather they died in the woods, honestly.” Shuuichi said bitterly.

Then he startled, and laughed sheepishly, a little embarrassed as he said, “I’m sorry, you have no idea what I’m talking about, do you. That must have seemed so wildly dark and out of nowhere… I hope this won’t make you think less of me, but the two people I’m legally accountable for are both death cultists, and, frankly, the worst kinds of people. Murderers, rapists, and entirely unapologetic… they’re a plight, honestly. Honestly… I hate both of them.” Shuuichi adjusted his cap idly, “I wish Kaito and Maki had killed them when they had the chance. But, they didn’t. And now I’m just trying to respect her wishes regarding them. For better or for worse.”

Drake’s conviction sagged a little, though it wasn’t put out. It was just...well, depressing to think of the degree of cruelty that could be enacted on an idle whim. “It would make things a lot easier if people always had a reason like that for the things they did, huh… At least there is something you can do for those people other than just...despairing at the havoc they wrought. If you have the capacity to act out and harm others on impulse, then that’s an inability to live peacefully in a community. At best, you’d get assigned a therapy course, maybe even discover an imbalance in your brain that you can get medical help with. At worst...you’re a malevolent sociopath and have to go into isolation therapy. Used to be you could be banished from the country, and while I think that’s still on the table, it hasn’t been used on a natural citizen in a long time.”

The most recent account, after all, hadn’t been on any kind of Dicean citizen. Drake couldn’t even imagine what a legal nightmare it would’ve been to figure out that whole business…

What Shuuichi was talking about, at least legally, was a bit more cut and dry. 

Tracing the edge of a bandage, Drake looked to the side sheepishly. “I...er, didn’t mention it before, but I, uh… I know what you’re talking about. I read the court files for the people involved with, um, Prince Kokichi’s kidnapping last fall…”

Legally, it was cut and dry. ...personally? Drake couldn’t even imagine what a nightmare it had been. 

“Professionally...I hope that they’ll one day be better adjusted. Personally…” Drake sighed as his mouth twisted. “...that was so fucked up… Being involved with it...you’re really brave for not just washing your hands of anything to do with them, Shuuichi. Even if it is just for your friend.”

“Mmmm.”

Shuuichi appreciated the sentiment. But, as much as he was willing to confide into Drake, he had a feeling admitting that the only reason he felt comfortable doing this was because he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Maki would bury both of those boys before letting them come anywhere close to hurting them-- or anyone else, for that matter-- again…

Maybe that was maybe too much to confide to a Dicean. Even one raised by a Luminary.

Besides, it’d make it harder for Maki to get away with it, the more people knew.

“Thanks.” Shuuichi said, sipping at his coffee a bit-- he was running low. Tragic. He was only allowed one cup a day, and, frankly, he was currently sneaking his second. He knew he had to be careful about caffeine, but coffeeeeee. “I feel less ‘brave’ and more ‘obligated’, but I still appreciate the sentiment… alright. I know this is a generic, open ended sort of question. But is there any other, like… ‘common knowledge’ things about Dicea’s legal system you think I should know? Anything you can think of?”

Drake could tell when someone wanted to move on from a conversation--at least some of the time--so he didn’t dwell any longer on Shuuichi’s unfortunate guardianship situation. 

“Um...well, you know about warrants now, and...oh, detectives don’t have any special allowances when it comes to the use of force. Only guards do, and it’s heavily scrutinized. What else…” Drake scratched his cheek a bit, trying to think. Something that was well-known but not to someone who hadn’t grown up there… “Mm. While word-against-word conflicts are common, anything anyone says during an investigation can be used for it, so people have a right to say nothing, right up until they’re called to court for questioning during a trial. It’s not necessarily an indication that someone’s hiding something, just that they might prefer what they have to say be put on an official record rather than be treated as a casual conversation.”

Drake shrugged a little, giving Shuuichi a sheepish look. “There might be more things, but that’s what I can think of right now. If you have questions about legal proceedings, I’ll do my best to explain what I know. I, uh…” He laughed awkwardly, “May have spent a good chunk of my gap years reading up on law books, before I even moved to Usot.”

Shuuichi frowned, “...a right to… stay silent? Weird…”

He wrote it down.

-

“...uh huh.”

“-So, when he goes into labor, you will be certain to send a servant to have us called. There will be continuous updates on his condition-”

“Mhm.”

“--and once the birth is confirmed and the child's secured, we will of course put out an announcement here. I’ll be in touch with the castle, and I expect to have the details of the security detail there for the day-”

“Yep.”

Kaito idly wrapped the line of the phone card around his fingers, doing his best not to sigh on the phone. His brother was just… looking out for him. That’s all. No need to get frustrated… even though he really didn’t know what Byakuya thought he was going to do from all the way in Luminary if anything went wrong.

He knew he was supposed to be paying attention. And he was trying! Really! But Byakuya didn’t really want his input beyond the occasional sign he was listening, which made it… a little harder to listen… and honestly, his brother was saying a bunch of things that, in one form or another, he’s already told Kaito… just with extra details. He just thought Kaito was gonna… forget or something. Or he just had it on his mind and wanted to say it again. Or whatever.

Hmmm… maybe he’d try making scones for his guys after this… scones took a little bit of time, but man, warm and fresh? They tasted great. Shuuichi and Kokichi would love it… Tim too, thinking about it. Maybe he could make a little extra and give Cali and Kimiko both ones tomorrow morning too. A treat they can have after training. Kimiko was getting so damn good at flips. It was a little intimidating. The kid was agile as all hell… Cali was a little powerhouse though. He really should think of some specialized training that would really play to their strengths…

“-aito? Kaito!”

Kaito jumped, “Yes? Yes! Absolutely! That sounds great!”

“What sounds great?”

“Uh… announcing the birth of Miya after’s she’s born? I’ll of course have you informed immediately!”

“Kaito.” Byakuya snarled, “We stopped talking about that fifteen minutes ago. Are you serious? You’re actually going to sit here and waste my time like this? Do you think I have all the time in the world to just repeat myself over and over to you? I swear, you go out of your way to make things difficult every single time-”

Kaito took the phone away from his ear a little, running a hand over his face tiredly as he heard Byakuya rage into the phone from a distance. After a moment, he put the phone back to his ear.

“-don’t know why I bother, I swear. Honestly, Kaito, it’s like you try to upset me on purpose.”

“Sorry bro… what were you saying? I just phased out for a minute there.”

“Are you sick?”

“What? No?”

“You never don’t pay attention. So either you were trying to piss me off, or you’re sick. Which is it, Kaito.”

“...I’ll… stop by medical after this?”

“Very good. You will call me tomorrow with a report of what they say.”

“Yeah, alright… sorry again.”

-

Kaito thought about going to medical… he knows he should. Byakuya would be upset if Kaito lied…

He went to go make scones instead.

He felt fine.

-

Kokichi really didn’t know what he was so tired for. Training sometimes left him exhausted, but not like this… It had just...been a long day at work, then Cedar had shown him, well, it was a type of yoga essentially, but she said it would be good to familiarize himself with the stretches before they did...whatever “bikram” was. But after that, even on his way to pick up Shuuichi, he’d just felt...tired. 

Maybe a nap or a little snack would perk him up by the time Shuuichi came back from hanging out with his friend. Because Shuuichi was hanging out with a friend right now! Drake had seemed nice, and Kokichi had been so excited…

Hell, even now he had a smile on his face, his happiness for his boyfriend busting through his odd fatigue. But curling up in bed for a little bit did seem quite enticing. Giving a polite knock, just in case Kaito had gotten back already, Kokichi unlocked the door, not bothering to tuck the small chain necklace he kept his kitty key on back under his sweater once he stepped through the door.

Kokchi had actually three hours to himself, for however how he wanted to spend them. It was when they started serving downstairs that Kaito pulled out his default bronze key and managed to open the door, grinning to himself as he carefully brought in the large plate of scones, having made plenty, thanks to Chako hooking him up with the ingredients he had needed, more than he had been hoping she’d be willing to spare him… and he paused, seeing his husband conked out in bed. Not even undressed, like he had laid himself out after getting home and just immediately passed out.

Awww… his ‘Kichi all tuckered out.

Kaito might have left him to sleep, but dinner was ready, and besides! Kokichi should have a scone while it was still warm!

So, putting it down, Kaito quietly went to the bed, sneaking up to him. Laying down next to him, Kaito grinned at his peacefully, slightly huffing husband-- awwwww, sleepy ‘Kichi-- before leaning over to place a chase kiss against his temple. Then another against his cheek. “...’Kichi…” he whispered, kiss against his husbands forehead, “...hungry? ‘Kiiiiiichiiiiii~”

He hadn’t actually wasted much time once he saw that their room was empty. Kokichi had simply shucked off the most cumbersome of his layers and tossed himself into bed, falling asleep without much delay.

And with three hours of rest…

Kokichi huffed a little more forcefully. Paused for a moment. Then nudged his face against the warm one above him. “...mmng...i-chan?”

“Wha’ time ‘s’it…?” he groaned, starting to push himself up before his nose caught up with his brain. Kokichi paused again, taking a sniff at the air. “...you cook somethin’? Smells good…”

“Mmmmm…” Kaito smirked, kissing the side of Kokichi’s mouth, as he decided, “That’s a lot of questions, Kokichi. That’s a lot of labor on my part. How about… I charge a question a kiss? That sounds fair to me.”

Kokichi huffed out something like a laugh before sitting himself up the rest of the way, leaning up to press a kiss to Kaito’s cheek, not much more than just a touch of lips against skin. Then, a peck at the corner of his mouth. Then, a lingering stay on his lips, Kokichi gently running his thumb around the shell of Kaito’s ear. 

“Can’t even give me a deal when I’m vulnerable in my just awoken state… Kai-chan drives some hard bargains. But…” He leaned back in, enjoying the way their lips felt together. “...one more. ‘S Shuu-chan back yet? He wanted to hang out with a friend after class, said they were going to get tea together.”

Kaito smirked into his kisses, placing his hand on Kokichi’s waist, enjoying those small little wet sounds of the gentle kisses, the way Kokichi looked sprawled against the blanket, staring pleased up at him…

Kaito gently chastised himself as his loins tightened expectantly. Relief came more often these days, but with Kokichi, virtually never before dinner. He didn’t wanna tire his ‘Kichi out before the day was over. He usually went begging to Shuuichi if it was during the day… which was a shame. Because Shuuichi, the sick bastard, delighted in teasing Kaito. It was his new favorite hobby, now that Kaito felt more comfortable asking his lovers to touch him. Asking Shuuichi was a forty-sixty percent chance of success, and a ninety-ten percent chance of letting Kaito think maybe he’ll succeed, regardless of what the truth was.

When it wasn’t driving Kaito absolutely crazy, it was actually a lot of fun.

But man could Shuuichi get mean about it.

At the first kiss, Kaito whispered, “Dinner time.” and at the second kiss, he said “Scones. Fresh out of the oven.” Kaito snickered at Kokichi’s banter and kisses and the idle thought of Shuuichi’s playful torture, but he lit up at the third question, “He is? Or, did? That’s awesome! No, I haven't seen him bu-”

A small knock, and an attempt to unlock the door, before Shuuichi gave a surprise little ‘huh?’ when the knob turned easily. It was unlocked already? “Hello?”

Mmmmm...scones. A bit odd as a pre-dinner appetizer, but Kokichi wouldn’t complain. His nap had really done the trick getting him refreshed, but sleeping could only take you out of the deficit--food was the fuel you needed to get into the positives. Or, that was how he’d agreed to start thinking about it. He’d already known that sleeping when he was depressed to avoid his problems wasn’t a real solution, but to create a logic in his head to make sure he kept up a good balance of sleep and meals...it made enough sense. 

Kokichi looked over when he heard the knock at the door, grinning when he heard the voice behind it. “Shuu-chan! Welcome home! Kai-chan made scones, so I hope you’re not too full of tea!”

“Oh, I’m not.” Shuuichi said honestly, feeling pretty satisfied with how the afternoon went. For the heavy family talk, followed with informative legal talk, after a bit, there had been this worrying lull in conversation with Drake, the two not sure what else to say to each other… and then somehow just… two more hours had gone by. The two finding themselves latching onto random conversation topics, talking about their classmates, then about the other classes Drake himself has taken, then exchanging stories about things they had discovered in the city. Drake had never heard of the magic shop that would sort you into a Piglumps house, and Shuuichi had regaled him with the story of his own ‘sorting’, which had lead to talking about Tim and the girls, the two laughing over the story of the young man giving his friend a stuffed bear while his other friend beat him for it.

It had just been… really nice.

And the coffee had been really good, and Shuuichi was still feeling pretty awake and energized as he immediately went for a scone, looking it over before taking a bite. “....Mmmmm…. ‘S s’ill warm…”

“Yep! They just came out not even a half hour ago! Eat up, I made more than enough! Though... maybe actually only have one for now. Dinner guys. It’s dinner time.” Kaito remembered, looking back down at Kokichi and then, just, flourishing him with kisses as he said, “We. Gotta. Go. Eat. Dinner! Food!” Kaito emphasised, with another loud lip smack against Kokichi’s cheek, before he sat up, freeing his husband from his kisses as he said, “You guys can both tell me about your days downstairs!”

Kokichi giggled through the barrage of kisses, squirming against Kaito a bit just for the hell of it, though he wasn’t really trying to get away. “I wasn’t protesting! I just woke up! Your expectations are too high!”

But it was all in jest, and Kokichi finally got up from the bed, snagging an indeed still-warm scone from the batch and digging in, the pastry fluffy and buttery and delicious enough even without any toppings. “Mmmm...to dinner! But I’m seriously debating eating light so I still have room for another one of these later...you did a great job on them, Kai-chan!”

Kokichi glommed onto Shuuichi’s arm as they made way to leave, nuzzling him slightly. “Drake seems like a nice guy--I’m glad you guys decided to hang out today. Maybe it’s embarrassing, but I’m happy my Shuu-chan has people he wants to go on impromptu tea times with.”

“He is a nice guy.” Shuuichi agreed. Most likely. Background check not quite finished, but, honestly, Shuuichi just… got a good vibe from him. And once his aunt proved trustworthy and verified everything he claimed about himself? Boom! Background check done, no fears of weird… weirdness. From the guy. “I’m wondering if I should introduce him to Nadya.”

“Nadya? Why?” Kaito asked, following them downstairs, keeping slow to match Shuuichi’s pace, who was always incredibly slow on the stairs these days. “Do they have a lot in common?”

“I mean… not that I noticed? But Nadya might like him regardless. He’s easy to like. And, now that we don’t work together anymore, if I want to see her anymore, I have to make more of an effort to invite her places.” Shuuichi mused. He hadn’t been lying, when he said Drake was his first friend in Dicea. For someone who had been there for one of the scariest days of Shuuichi’s life, and had also accompanied them on Kaito’s birthday, Nadya… was a little difficult to connect to. It was difficult to be casual with her. Also, she was a magic user, which was incredibly strange. Shuuichi still had a hard time not thinking of her as just straight up a demon. There was still a very real part of him that believed she was.

...but. All that aside, he was still trying to be friends with her. He wanted to be. And sometimes, friendship just… took more work. So, he planned to invite her out to spend some with himself and Drake, if Drake would prove to be okay with it. Shuuichi doubted Drake played any sports himself, but maybe he was a fan of them anyway? If not, maybe Nadya could introduce them more to that hobby. Shuuichi was going to make a good faith effort to try.

Kokichi was thinking along the same lines as Kaito, wondering if Shuuichi’s new friend had reminded him of his old coworker, but...people didn’t need to be similar to get along. The fact that Shuuichi was going to make an effort for someone he wasn’t regularly seeing anymore, and wanted to introduce him to the friend he was, trying to make a group…

He really didn’t mean to embarrass Shuuichi, but Kokichi was incredibly proud! With a little cooing noise, he rubbed his face against Shuuichi’s shoulder. “If you want me to pass on any messages, just say the word! There’s a lot going on right now so we don’t talk too much about non-work stuff, but Nadya-chan has been missing you. I think she’d really like hanging out sometime!”

As they got downstairs, everyone was already in the thick of it. Tables laid out with food, people Kaito didn’t know but, by this point, sort of vaguely recognized as ‘the regulars’ in their usual seats. Funnily enough, for three people that lived in the castle, the three of them were never there at the same time every day consistently enough to have ‘regular’ seats, and like usual, they had to just find three seats roughly around each other to sit down. 

Kaito looked around to see if Tim was here, and didn’t spot him. He’d have to remember to check in on Tim’s room after dinner then. He had already talked to him a bit before having to go do his phone call, checking in with him after school, but Tim had been eager to head out to the courtyard with Cali and Chase, the two apparently determined to teach Chase a new trick today. It was crazy, how big that dog was now. She was a powerhouse. If Kaito didn’t know her as a sweet, well-behaved puppy, she’d almost be a little intimidating. Kaito supposed her little, muscley doggy build was just the result of having an owner fully willing to literally run around with her every single day though. Chase got just as much exercise as the rest of them did, and it showed.

Sitting down opposite of Shuuichi and Kokichi, the three started to build plates for themselves, as Kaito asked, “So, Shuuichi’s busy being a social butterfly today. What about you, ‘Kichi? You were pretty tuckered out when I came in, what were you up to today?”

Mmm… It probably wasn’t the best thing to pair with scones, but the lasagna served at dinner that night smelled too good for Kokichi to pass up on. There was zucchini already in it, but by now he knew Kaito enough that he piled on some of the light carrot and radicchio mix onto his plate too, not wanting to get some stink eye from a meal lacking in veggies. 

Tucking in, Kokichi sighed softly. “I don’t know why I was so worn out today, but maybe it was just a bit of buildup. Nadya-chan and I have really been putting it to the grindstone the last few days--we’re almost done with the risk-assessment reports. There will be a lull for a while so the communities can actually log what’s been damaged during the winter, but...I’m probably not gonna take much of a break then. Gotta start doing market research and talking with our farmers to get things ready for spring planting.”

It was...a lot of work, but Kokichi was taking it little by little, slowly but surely getting through the mountain of work with Nadya. And, thankfully, they weren’t the only ones working on the projects, though they were taking on the bulk of it. He enjoyed it more than some of the work his dad and Hideki and his team did. 

“Then, Cedar taught me some...like, it’s yoga, basically. But next week, she’s still writing out the report for Seiko for me to take, we’re gonna try something she called bikram? And I’m gonna need to know the yoga stuff to do it, so it’s preparation. It wasn’t that hard, but by the time I left you and Drake, Shuu-chan, I was ready to nap.” Kokichi sighed a bit again, feeling a little exhausted just thinking about his day. “Things really are busy, though it’s just a bunch of small things.”

Kokichi sipped at his water before looking up at Kaito more brightly. “What about you? Other than making some kick-ass scones, of course.”

“Bikram.” Kaito echoed, mostly just to sound out the word… before giving a curious look to Shuuichi.

Shuuichi immediately opened his mouth to answer… and then looked annoyed. Going back to his salad with force as he shrugged, “No idea.”

“That’s alright.” Kaito reassured, before giving Kokichi a warm grin, drenching his lasagna in spinach, because he was a fucking freak like that, until really it was mostly a spinach salad with, like, lumps of lasagna mixed in for flavor, “Still, I’ve heard good things about yoga! Bailsong and Saber were both yoga practicers, and they were two of the most fit people I’ve ever dated! Never got into it myself, but if they vouched for it, there’s definitely some health benefits there. You have to show me when you learn this Bikram thing, I’d love to practice it with you!”

“Um, my day was pretty easy, honestly. I didn’t do much with it.” Kaito admitted, thinking back to the day. “Dropped the kids off after training… read a bit. Spent some time in the shrine… mmmm… wow I really didn’t do much at all today.”

“How did your conversation with Byakuya go?” Shuuichi asked.

“Hm? Oh. Ya know… fine.” Kaito shrugged, “He’s really excited about the baby. We talked a lot about it. Marigolds pregnancy is coming along well too, apparently. They’re going to find out the gender soon.”

“Any word on Maki?”

“Nothing new. She hasn’t made it to the capital yet. They’ll get there soon enough. Their speeds likely tripled now that they’ve made it past the border. No snow to slow them down the further west they go.”

Kokichi eyed Kaito’s pile of greens with some trepidation, but grinned at his husband, giving a nod. “For sure! Maybe it’d be a good thing to do with the kids sometime--yoga, I mean. Balance and coordination is important training too!”

He wasn’t...totally sure if Kaito intentionally left out his conversation with Byakuya until Shuuichi mentioned it. Sometimes it was really easy to know that Byakuya had just been an ass, and, honestly, that could just kind of be assumed, but...these days? Kokichi just...really couldn’t get a good read on how Kaito was doing after their calls together. 

This one was no different. 

“That’s exciting,” Kokichi hummed in reference to Kaito’s coming nibling. “I’m glad to hear that they’re all doing alright.” And he was, even if everything he heard about the situation in Luminary made him more and more nervous. The movement of the revolution itself was good but...for the people? Kokichi had left his last debrief meeting with the admins with the end of his shirt wrung to deep-set wrinkles. No one had to die for things to change...he really believed it. He just hoped that other people would too. 

Nodding, Kokichi stabbed at his salad, trying to trap a length of carrot that kept evading his fork. “Being out of the mountains is surely a big help too. Snow and the mountains on their own are tough for traveling, but together it’s a nightmare… I’m sure the group will be happy with the warmer weather.”

Shuuichi looked curiously at Kaito. His reaction hadn’t been strange in any way. By this conversation alone, he wouldn’t be thinking too hard about Kaito’s relationship to Byakuya. But ever since Kokichi and Kaito’s sort of… fight. Shuuichi was constantly holding himself back from poking at those little wounds (as in, the parts of Kaito’s reality that he was insecure about, like his relationship with Byakuya), curious to see where Katio’s head was at these days. He didn’t want to be cruel about it. He just… wanted to see what happened.

He thought about asking about the revolution. He thought about making some… ungenerous comments, about how the second Byakuya had taken control of the kingdom, man, it was suddenly about to fall apart, it was looking like… he thought about suggesting that maybe Byakuya wasn’t being as good a leader as he always claimed he would be… curious to see if or how Kaito would rationalize it all…

...but Shuuichi glanced at Kokichi and decided to keep it to himself. His boyfriend was tired today, he had just said so, and conversations like these could stress Kokichi out as much as it could stress out Kaito. And there were no benefits to stress-testing Kokichi, and lots of potential harm. Maybe he’d do it the next time he had Kaito alone… though, he would have to think of a way to make it up to Kaito afterwards. Maybe take him out to eat? Or a night hike? Something calming and relaxing.

(... he was just trying to distract himself. It was easier to think about Kaito’s hangups and want to work on those, then admit he really, really needed to have that difficult conversation with them about Aba’s child.)

(Nnnnng… it was going to upset them. He didn’t want to tell them.)

“Kaito?” Shuuichi asked, looking up from his salad, “Do you want to go on a night hike tonight?”

Kaito lit up. “What? Um… yeah! Sure! What brought that on?”

Shuuichi shrugged, “I hear it’s not going to be too terribly cold tonight, and the idea of going on a nice walk under the moonlight tonight has some appeal. Fresh air, a little bit of exercise. We can chat a bit about stuff.”

Kokichi glanced between his partners, unable to stop himself from feeling a little...disappointed. But he wouldn’t be the kind of person he wanted to be if we didn’t let his partners spend time one on one with each other, and he didn’t need to interject himself into everything. 

It was easier these days, not to feel that horrible envy when he saw groups of friends, or feel scared and lonely when he wasn’t around people. Honestly, most of the time he barely thought those ways at all… It was a good sign of growth. 

Kokichi smiled at his lovers. “Ah, that’s something I’m gonna be looking forward to when the weather warms up… We didn’t really get around to doing anything like that before winter hit. I’ll make sure the fire is nice and cozy so if you guys get too chilled you can warm right back up when you get back.”

He was doing a lot better. Going to bed on his own was no problem!

Kaito frowned, looking at Kokichi, then glancing at Shuuichi. Waiting for Shuuichi to say that of course Kokichi was welcome to come as well… but Shuuichi just smiled warmly at Kokichi and said, “A fire after a chilly walk sounds amazing, Kokichi. Thank you.”

...oh. 

Ah shit.

Dammit… this was going to end up being one of those shitty things, wasn’t it… Shuuichi wouldn’t want Kaito alone just for the romance of it. His boyfriend wasn’t the type. If he was feeling romantic, he’d want Kokichi there too. 

...unless it was a sexy thing?

Kaito now stood there in conflict, wondering which thing he should expect. Shitty conversation? Or sexy thing? Conversation Shuuichi didn’t want to have in front of Kokichi? Sexy times Shuuichi didn’t think Kokichi would be interested in. Hrnnn…. Wait, sexy times out at night in the cold outside? 

God damn it it was going to be a shitty conversation thing. There was no way…

...was there?

As Kaito endlessly debated with himself about what he should expect, his libido arguing with his common sense, Shuuichi started adding in more chicken to his salad. Honestly? Shuuichi knew he might not end up stress testing Kaito at all. He just got like this whenever he was nervous. And his conversation about Aba with Drake had made him nervous. Once they were outside and walking around, Shuuichi might find himself not wanting to do it at all. Maybe he’d just end up making out with the guy underneath some trees for awhile. Who knew.

-

“...” a tired sigh. “...I don’t really get what you want me to say.”

“Who said I wanted you to say anything? I’m just making an observation, Kaito.”

“There’s been problems with Luminary our whole lives. Byakuya’s been in charge for five whole minutes. That doesn’t mean he’s responsible for everything happening right now. He just… happens to be leading at the same time it’s happening.”

“Right. Total coincidence. No one could have predicted he’d be king this young. King Leon was only in his forties, after all.”

“...”

“Nothing to say to that either?”

“I don’t know what you want from this. Why don’t you just tell me how you want me to act and I’ll just do that.”

“Kaito, that’s not fair… I really am trying to have a conversation with you here.”

“No you’re not. I’m not fucking stupid Shuuichi. You’re playing one of your stupid fucking head games with me. I’m not in the mood for it.”

“I never said you were stupid…”

“Sure. Out of everything I just said, focus on that. That was clearly the most important thing.”

“Kaito.”

This was… not going how Shuuichi had expected it. 

Kaito wasn’t having a real conversation about what was going on in Luminary yet, which in and of itself wasn’t surprising. That was par the course, really. No new developments. But… he wasn’t dodging the questions either. Or, well, not dodging them in the way he usually did. He wasn’t mentally thinking around that they were even having the conversation to begin with, convincing himself and trying to convince others that nothing was happening to begin with. In fact, he was openly addressing Shuuichi’s accusations and jabs… but just to show he was pissed off about it. Acknowledging them without addressing them.

It was… really not what Shuuichi was expecting.

The night air was cool, and there was a full moon out that, even without the idle lights of the city landscape around them, would have made their path entirely easy to navigate. Kaito and Shuuichi were both bundled up, and Shuuichi was holding onto Kaito’s arm, Kaito keeping him sturdy in case of ice they couldn’t see in the gardens path tripped them up. They hadn’t meant to go to the gardens. They had just been planning to walk around the night city a bit. But the convestain had gone on longer and gotten heated and eventually they had wanted to get away from even the light night traffic of the city streets, feeling like they had more privacy in the isolation of the barren garden paths.

...Kaito was genuinely pissed at him, and Shuuichi was starting to feel kind of bad. And that bad feeling made him try to insist that Kaito was wrong about correctly guessing what Shuuichi was doing as he insisted, “Luminary’s our home… it seemed natural to me to want to ask about how it was going-”

“You hate Luminary.”

Pause. “...no I don’t.”

“Why would you even lie about that? It’s not a secret. It’s fine. I don’t mind that you hate Luminary. Why do you think I would mind that? I’m not stupid. I was thrilled I could bring you to Dicea. Even when we didn’t know anything about it, I still knew being free in a forieng country was better then being indentured back home. You don’t need to lie to me, and I’m not going to pretend I didn’t know.”

“...you’re mad at me.”

“Only because you’re treating me like some stupid fucking experiment. I don’t appreciate when you do stuff like this, Shuuichi. I don’t like when you talk circles around me, trying to get me to do or say something, like I’m some dog you’re teaching a trick too.”

“I’m not doing that! Where is that even coming from?”

“Because you do that and I just have to pretend like I don’t notice to keep the peace, and I’m sick of it!”

“...I need a minute.” Shuuichi growled, dislodging from Kaito’s arm and heading down a separate path.

Kaito watched him start to disappear into the dark and, feeling his stomach tighten with guilt, he called out as he followed him, “No, Shuuichi, I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean it like that. Hey, come on…”

Nao took a breath of the chilly--but not that chilly, it was a surprisingly tepid night for the season--night air before sighing into her scarf. She’d started to get too caught up in her workshop again and...Yasu was right. Taking a walk would help. 

There was a part of her that missed afternoon walks filled with sunshine but, well, that was just out of season entirely, so her regret and self-flagellation could wait until spring. 

Once upon a time she still would’ve reveled in night walks, the stars silent conspirators to whatever she was getting up to, whether sneaking in on illicit meetings or making some of her own. 

Just walking was nice too, though. Looking up at the stars to see a quiet beauty, the same sight that countless other people were looking at too. Hearing the quiet bustle of the city, more calm than during the day, but never completely gone. Keeping her eyes forward instead of taking curious, appraising looks at everyone she passed. 

At least she could still stop and smell the roses, so to speak. Taking in the details of a flower wouldn’t hurt anyone. It was something Kokichi had always loved to do, after all. He had always been observant, eyes picking out the little things...but her...the prince had a kind heart. Too kind, sometimes, but maybe that was the better extreme to have. 

Nao could hear a few sounds in the garden, likely people taking the other paths on their own walks, but she didn’t pay them much mind. Just...planning her own little detour before heading back out into the city, then back home and...probably to sleep. It wasn’t good to lock herself in her workshop through the whole night.

“Why are you apologizing? Since I’m the one apparently talking down to you and doing head experiments on you while, oh, poor Kaito, has to just valiantly take it on the chest and keep quiet to keep me happy, or something. Because apparently I’m just so difficult to confront.”

“I cannot believe you would say all of that with a straight face! What is literally happening right this second!?”

“I’m not mad you’re mad, I’m mad you’re suggesting that you couldn’t say anything before about being upset to keep the peace! I’m not a monster, you can talk to me!”

“Right! Me being afraid to talk to you is totally irrational. I’m crazy to think that me pointing out what you’re doing is going to lead to some big, stupid argument!”

“It’s okay to argue with me!” Shuuichi spun back at him, his face furious, and a little hurt, as he said, “Isn’t it!? Because, guess what, Kaito, it… it’s going to really bother me if I thought this whole time you refused to talk about stuff that was bothering you because you were afraid of me!”

“... no, I… I’m not afraid of you. Of course I’m not.”

“Are you!? ...Fuck, Kaito, are you? Because… b-because, I’ll be honest, I thought this whole time you wouldn’t talk about certain things about Luminary because you couldn’t. Not because you just didn’t want to with me…”

“Couldn’t?” 

“Kaito… if I say it directly, you’re going to shut down on me.”

“Try me.”

“...your conditioning?”

“...”

“...”

“...” Kaito opened his mouth… closed it… and, glaring at the floor, he finally said, “I don’t have any conditioning.”

Shuuichi sighed. Running his hand over his face, actually… shockingly disappointed. This fight sucked, but considering how open Kaito had been up until this point. “Kaito…”

“I don’t know why people keep saying that. I’ve never been conditioned. My father would have never allowed it.”

“So why won’t you talk about this sort of stuff with me?”

“I don’t know what sort of stuff we’re talking about.” Kaito decided, regressing, running his hand through his hair. “...I’ve actually lost the thread of this conversation… wh-what are we talking about? I don’t understand how we got from you talking down to me to here...”

“...” Well… at least they were back in familiar territory. Shuuichi sighed, giving Kaito a tired look as he walked over to him. “...I’m sorry. I’m not trying to upset…” Shuuichi hesitated, before amending, “I’m not trying to be unkind. I’m not being mean for means sake. I’m maybe going about it the wrong way, but I’m trying to help…”

Shuuichi’s eyes went wide. Seeing a figure over Katio’s shoulder. A… shockingly clear silhouette. 

“...hrn-!”

“Shuchi? Handsome, what’s wrong?” Kaito asked,  shocked as suddenly, Shuuichi buried his face into Kaito’s chest. Clinging to him. Like he was trying to hide against Kaito’s body. “Shit, are you okay? Are you feeling sick?”

“...” Shuuichi pushed his head further against Kaito’s chest. Saying, voice tight, “Home, please? Please take me home. I’m sorry. I don’t want to argue with you. Please take me home.”

-

Kokichi hadn’t gone right to bed as soon as his guys left to...have some time together. He tended to the fire, as he’d said, and took a long--or at least longer than usual--shower, enjoying the warm water. Once he got out, he shot a withering look at his hairbrush...but sighed, brushing out his hair while it was still wet, not bothering with the slew of conditioners. 

After checking on the fire again, then he went to bed, perfectly comfortable as a well-adjusted adult that could sleep by himself. 

...but the bed really did still feel too big. 

By the time Kokichi nodded off, he was latching onto no less than three pillows with all limbs, a few more propped against his back and another against the pillows clutched in his grip at his front, encasing Kokichi in almost a weird sort of nest. But it was comfortable enough to get to sleep.

A rustle of key, a turn of the knob. Quietly coming in, there was a small sniffle, as Kaito whispered, “Just talk to me, Shuuichi…”

“I… th-there’s nothing to talk about… I don’t want to argue anymore…”

Kaito sighed as Shuuichi shook himself out of Kaito’s hand, Shuuichi’s whole air having been entirely different since the end of the fight in the gardens. Instead of angry, his blue haired man just seemed… despondent. Like the fight had taken something out of him, no fire in him anymore, just looking tired and depressed as he headed over to the bed. 

As Kaito locked the door again, Shuchi stared down at Kokichi, all bundled up in pillows, looking sweet… and, feeling a little sick. Not wanting to touch him. (dirty, dirty) Shuuichi headed over to the window instead. Crawling onto the window seat and just staring out the window. 

Kaito watched him, before sighing. Glancing at Kokichi before going to follow Shuuichi. “...is this about what I said? I didn’t mean to… I know you don’t… I know you’re not trying to be unkind. You’re not cruel, I know you’d never do it on purpose-”

“Yeah. Good for me.” Shuuichi hissed, hugging around his stomach. “That justifies me making you feel shitty and stupid. Hurray for me. I’m helping.”

Kaito paused, just… entirely lost now. Was Shuuichi angry with him still? That didn’t sound like it was directed at Kaito… “...handsome, I’m really lost here…”

Kokichi had legitimately been asleep, but...something was wrong. Someone was hurting… Someone he loved was…

Kokichi lifted his head, barely awake, his eyes blinking sleepily and not quite actually opening...but he shuffled out of his nest, plodding over to his loves--his hurting love--almost in a gait like he was sleep-walking. 

“Won’...touch you if you don’t want it...but you’re not dirty…” Kokichi softly breathed out, his words still slurred in sleep. “...not like her either… Shuuichi is...Shuuichi. No one else. Someone who...has been really hurt...but you are not like the people that hurt you…”

Kaito raised an eyebrow, stepping out of the way of Kokichi as his husband… walked? To Shuuichi. Well, yes, he walked, but… his Kokichi looked way out of it. Like, not awake, out of it. Standing in front of Shuuichi with this little, unsteady sway as he murmured almost unintelligibly to him. 

...her?

Kaito was really lost for a moment as Shuuichi just gave Kokichi this sort of desperate, stressed look… before reaching forward and pulling Kokichi into a hug. Resting his forehead against Kokichi’s shoulder as he pulled him onto the seat as he murmured back, voice fierce and insistent, “...what if I am though? ...I don’t want to do what she did… not to Kaito or you or a-anyone…”

...do what she… oh.

Oh! 

“Geez, fucking, no.” Kaito insisted. Suddenly balling up his hands and giving Shuuichi an honestly baffled, outraged look. “Nao!? You think you’re Nao!? Absolutely not. That is not what I was accusing you of. Get that shit out of your head now.”

“...i-if I was doing that to you, you wouldn’t… half the process is convincing the other person that they’re wrong…”

“Well, congratulations! I don’t think I’m wrong! I think I have really valid reasons to be upset with you! And no one had to drag me away from you and get me off a drug to convince me either! So, look at that, you’re even farther from her then you thought!”

“We both try to fuck with peoples heads because we’re just… s-sooo fucking smart… i-it’s okay if it hurts you or is awful, be-because we’ve got s-some grand fucking p-plan to make it all… better…”

“Geez… Shuuichi, even at your damn worst, that’s not how I see you at all…”

Kokichi leaned back against Shuuichi, letting himself be pulled into the window seat, honestly his boyfriend supporting most of his leaned weight. Kokichi...wasn’t quite all there at the moment. Awake enough to speak and move a little, but...well, asleep enough to remember. To feel. 

“...you’re not...broken, and you’re not a...mmm...monster. Everyone has the capacity to...hurt. To do horrible things. By the fact that...you don’t want to be...like that, you have made the choice to never become her. Every action is...a choice…”

“Opening yourself to others is...scary. You’ve seen...too many cases where empathy...hurts you. That others will not return the favor if you try...to be the change you want… And sometimes you know that...even if not by malicious intent...you still won’t get that openness from others… So you try to manipulate your way to an answer. It’s safe...and actually gives you answers from those who can’t normally…”

“...but it really hurts the people who notice...and that hurts you. Because you want to help… But it isn’t the same kind of hurt that she caused. You make different decisions...have different intent...and you try to make up for even the momentary hurt...because you’re good. You have a kind heart…”

Slightly, Kokichi nuzzled against Shuuichi, pressing against his warmth, his kindness. “...you make the...choice to be kind. Every time makes you different from her…”

There was some silence for awhile. Shuuichi and Kaito both trying to process what Kokichi had sleepily mused, both a little stunned by it. It was… shockingly poignant. Even not taking into account that their partner was clearly barely awake as he said it.

Shuuichi held Kokichi, leaning into the nuzzle, his face far away and blank… before…

“Oh, Shuuichi, bud…” Kaito said softly, going to sit with them quickly as Shuuichi’s face suddenly scrunched up horribly, Shuuichi lowering his hand over his face, shoulders shaking, a high, whining sound coming out of him that was extremely strange and alarming to hear come out of Shuuichi, of all people. Shuuichi cried rarely and not gracefully… and he never made sounds like that. Even in his panic attacks, he didn’t make those soft, broken whining sounds. It broke Kaito’s heart to hear it, and he put his arms around both of them, whispering to them, “Hey, hey, you’re okay… everything’s okay…”

“...hic… I wanna be… hr-nn... e-everything Kokichi sees in me…”

“Heh… you are, bud… our Kokichi doesn’t lie to us. It’s hard, though, huh? Living up to the best things he sees in you… but he’s already right. You’re not…” Kaito furrowed his brow, not sure if saying this was self-serving, or would put a bad thought into their heads… but it felt like, once again, that this is essentially what they were dancing around, “...you’re not abusive. You don’t hurt people for fun. The worst I can say about you is that you’re too damn curious for your own good. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s one of the reasons I love you… you don’t have to compare yourself to her. You don’t come close. You’ve never come close. Even if you think you have.”

Kaito threw that last line in there quickly, to get ahead of exactly what he knew would pop into Shuuichi’s head, which was the damn couple of days where… Shuuichi had been pissed, finding out what had happened between Kaito and Kokichi. And, frankly? Kaito didn’t hold that against him. Shuuichi had been mad, rightfully so, and had hurt Kaito in a similar way to how Kaito had hurt Kokichi. Same as Maki had done. Kaito had earned that pain. He wouldn’t begrudge them their rage.

“...you both will tell me if I do? I’ll listen. I don’t want to hurt you…” Shuuichi sniffled. Calming down a little. Feeling warmed and soothed, taken care of, in their pile of holding. 

“You’d never. But, yeah. I’d tell you… I promise… can I convince you two to go to bed? Hell, I’m not even sure if Kokichi is actually awake…”

This was hurt too...but a needed kind. Releasing the built up pressure, a tipping point… The scary moment when you missed a step before feeling the solid floor beneath you once again. 

Kokichi pressed close to Shuuichi again before going lax, murmuring even more indistinct words of love before he fell silent, Kaito saying enough for the both of them for the moment. 

And he was surrounded by the two soft, warm, reassuring presences that pillows could only make up in a pale facsimile. Shuuichi was crying, but before too long, the only thing coming out of Kokichi’s mouth were his usual soft snuffles, his arms relaxed but still poised around his boyfriend in sleep. 

“...oh my god he’s actually asleep.” Shuuichi murmured, laughing lightly, giving Kaito an exasperated, amused look as Kaito went to wipe his eyes with his thumb.

“You’re both a couple of weirdos.” Kaito grinned lightly, voice soft. “Here, let me pick him up. You’re both going to bed. Get undressed, handsome.”

Shuuichi sighed, letting Kaito pull Kokichi away from him before wiping his face with his sleeve, sighing. 

As Kaito laid Kokichi down, before fixing the strange nest of pillows that Kokich had made for himself, making the bed ready for all three of them before tucking Kokichi in, as Shuuichi got dressed into his night clothes he said, “...I’m sorry I talk to you like you’re stupid, Kaito. I don’t… mean to do it. I know you’re not stupid. I know you hold back for my sake. I know you sometimes just… let me say stuff and do stuff, just to keep me happy. Hell, most of the time I find myself just… trying to guess what you’re actually thinking...”

Kaito frowned at that, running hs hands soothingly through Kokichi’s hair, double checking he really was asleep before going to change clothes himself. “...sorry?”

“No, no, I’m not… I’m not trying to accuse you of anything.” Shuuichi sighed, frustrated with himself, “That’s not what I mean. I mean, I know that you’re more aware of things then you sometimes appear, or, present yourself, or...I know you’re not stupid. And every time I let myself…” Shuuichi glanced a guilty look at Kaito, who just quietly pulled on his pajamas, “...forget that? That’s… I’m wrong. To do that.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not helping if I’m, like… trying to convince you I don’t know what’s going on, or whatever…” Kaito muttered, before sighing. Heading over to Shuuichi and just hugging him from behind for a moment, resting his head on the back of Shuuichi’s. “...we’re going to figure this out. I promise. We have some communication stuff we gotta get through. We’ll either figure it out ourselves, or the counselor will give us some tools, okay? Either way. We’re going to figure it out. I promise. I’m committed to this.”

Shuuichi sighed… before turning around, and holding him back. “Okay. Me too. I promise too. I’m committed. We’ll figure this out.”

-

Kokichi was sitting up straight on the grass in the backlot, the sun shining down though it was just a comfortable level of warmth. He had his hands over his mouth, his eyes wide and staring into nothing. 

What the fuck was that???

He’d...he’d been awake, but apparently? Asleep enough to???? How on earth was he going to explain that tomorrow? Would he even remember it? But Shuuichi and Kaito would! Even if he didn’t remember, HOW???? Was he even supposed to approach that? No way that could be explained as sleep-talking.

Kokichi popped up from the ground, starting to pace around the backlot, running a hand through his hair while the other remained over his mouth. His only saving grace would be that Shuuichi and Kaito didn’t know what empaths were, so they wouldn’t make the connection, but it was still so fucking weird? And kind of creepy? 

Looking around, Kokichi nervously tried to feel out for Alter Ego, needing guidance on this desperately.

After a moment…

“R-aaaaaAAAR- oh.” Alter Ego paused after leaping through the portal, fur entirely on edge, teeth and claws out as he landed on the grass, looking around wildly for whatever the issue was, assuming Kokichi was under attack… and just seeing Kokichi looking a little stressed out, but otherwise unharmed. “...rawr?”

“Sorry…” Kokichi muttered, coming to his mentor’s side. “I just… I think I might’ve done something really stupid…”

There was a conflict on Kokichi’s face before he sighed. “...in the long run, I think. The act itself, without other factors...I wouldn’t regret it, but…”

He groaned, running both his hands through his hair as he dropped his head. “...I think I outed myself…”

“...Show me.” Alter Ego said, sitting down. A grim, serious look on their little kitty face.

Nodding solemnly, Kokichi sat on his knees, concentrating for a moment before a book appeared in his hand and he opened it to the last page, after a moment a scene--a memory--playing out on the pages. 

A frightened, self-disgusted Shuuichi, a desperately trying to soothe and understand Kaito, and...a clearly mostly asleep Kokichi, saying things he should have no knowledge of. 

...Kokichi didn’t regret trying to help Shuuichi. His partner had been in a bad place and...he had a feeling that there wasn’t much of a chance Kaito could’ve figured out what was going on without Shuuichi straight out telling him. He...didn’t know why Shuuichi’s thoughts had strayed--more like violently swerved--so hard onto Nao, but...they did. 

Awake to process it this time, Kokichi felt that...awful hurt and anger in his chest. Like a deep burn wound… Those betrayed feelings towards the woman that had, at one point, been family to him, but had hurt someone he loved so deeply… Kokichi’s hands tightened on the book, but the memory continued to play. 

Alter Ego quietly watched this. In some part of him, he knew this was dipping maybe a little too hard into the private life of his charge. That there was a difference between being told about something difficult that had happened and analyzing it frame by frame...but Alter Ego wasn’t a being with these abilities. He was these abilities. Was made up by them. And if no one asked him not to do it? He was going to use them.

So, he concentrated, watching the book… and in front of them…

The room didn’t change. And he didn’t bring out everything. First he just brought out a memory of Kaito, who played out the scene happening in the book at the same time. Looking at the air where, in theory, Kokichi and Shuich would both be if the rest of the scene was here. And, walking through the air like there were small stairs everywhere his paws landed, Alter Ego walked up to Kaito’s face, circling around him, studying his expressions as the Kokichi in the book talked.

“...hm.” Alter Ego hummed, before turning to the space where Kokichi and Shuuichi would have been, conjuring their memories next. Carefully, he rested himself right in front of Shuuichi’s face, and stared intently at his face as ‘Shuuichi’ listened to Kokichi assure him that he wasn’t dirty, that he wasn’t her, that he wouldn’t hurt anyone.

“...” he re-wound it. 

He watched Shuuichi’s face when Kokchi said he wasn’t dirty. He looked over to Kaito’s face and watched his expression, rewound. Not dirty. Rewound. Not dirty.

“...the ‘dirty’ remark is the only thing you said that there’s no real way you could explain it away.” Alter Ego decided, listening to the rest of the memories speech, “Everything else, with context clues? You could guess. The dirty remark is the only point in this conversation where you blatantly read his mind. Or, well, ‘felt’ his mind. It’s the only bit there’s no explaining… and I don’t believe your husband noticed it at all.” Alter Ego said, rewinding. Not dirty. Kaito, just looking sad and tired and overwhelmed. “He was already confused, I think. Too lost to realize how out of step that was. Your boyfriend, though…”

He rewound. Not dirty.

Shuuichi’s eyes widening. Briefly, astounded.

“...that… may be a problem.” Alter Ego admitted, turning to Kokichi, “I don’t suppose he’s the type of person who’d just forget that and not think about it?”

Kokichi groaned softly, dropping the book to the ground. “He’s the total opposite. While he sleeps, he remembers everything that happened that day on repeat, and he analyzes it the whole time. If something catches his curiosity...Shuu-chan’s the type to obsess over it.”

...but there was one saving grace. 

Peeking out at Alter Ego, Kokichi asked, “...that was the only time, though? Not when I talked about Nao? Because...he’s mentioned...the ‘dirty’ thing before. It’s still something that I don’t think I’d normally be able to guess right after he felt it, but...if he questions me about it, it...is plausible that I just ran through everything we’ve talked about that he’s gotten down on himself about. I think that’d be more believable than thinking I can...read minds or something.”

“...right?”

Alter Ego pressed his lips tightly together… before standing up on all forms. And, astoundingly enough, bowing his little kitty head at Kokichi.

“...may I have permission to get invasive? To look through your memories?”

While it was his impulse...Kokichi took a moment to think. “...I don’t want to put my family in danger… As much as I wish I could tell them about this...about me, I can’t do that to them. Especially not when I can’t even remember when I’m awake…”

Kokichi bowed his head back to his mentor. “You have my permission. I trust you not to look through anything that isn’t relevant.”

Alter Ego nodded, bowing his head again, “Thank you. Alright. Let me see...let’s get some little helpers…”

Alter Ego closed their yes, calming their breathing… asking their shards for help… one by one, four little lights flew out. Chihiro, Taka, Mondo, and Hiro, all incredibly small, and weirdly simple and cutesy in appearance, their heads overly large, their eyes beady. Like a cutesy drawing, made 3d. Alter Ego looked pleased to see the small creatures, before saying, “We’re going to analyze this from their eyes. Pick one that suits you.”

The little chibi memories considered this… before Chihiro spun in place, and when he was done spinning, he was suddenly a little Kokichi. Still in the same cutesy, strange style, but happily waving at Kokichi, looking incredibly pleased with his choice. In turn, Taka turned into Shuuichi, immediately trying to push the hair out of his face, Hiro turned into Kaito, looking curiously around, and Mondo…

Tiny, beady orange eyes looked up at Alter Ego and Kokichi. Chibi Nao waiting to be called on, along with all her companions.

“They’re going to help me from seeing anything I shouldn’t, or, would rather not. Like filters. Technically, I see everything they see, but unless it’s relevant? I can’t hold that memory for longer than a second. It’ll be gone from my mind the second they look away.” Alter Ego explained, “That makes it easier to shift without being overly invasive. And, they’re all connected to memories of specific people, to make it easier for them to key in on which memories they’re looking for. Is that alright?”

Kokichi found his smile looking at the chibi versions of the friends he’d come to know, even laughing softly as he waved back to the Chihiro-him chibi. However, seeing the Nao that Mondo had become...Kokichi’s smile faded once more, something hurt back in his expression though it melded back into the stressed one he’d started with. 

...one day it might hurt less. 

Taking a breath, Kokichi nodded, not really sure what he had to do, but… He laid his hands out, open and welcoming, not trying to fight against Alter Ego looking in his head. “That works for me. But if something does stick around...please talk to me about it. I’d rather know what you know.”

Alter Ego nodded. “In theory, I really shouldn’t be able to remember regardless. But, well, I’m not flawless at this, so if something does, I will not hide it from you. Alright… let’s analyze this line by line… guys? Pay attention.”

The chibi all watched as Alter Ego rewound the memory again, not from where Kokichi ‘woke up’, but from where he had first started ‘listening’.

“...is this about what I said? I didn’t mean to… I know you don’t… I know you’re not trying to be unkind. You’re not cruel, I know you’d never do it on purpose-”

“Yeah. Good for me.” Shuuichi’s memory hissed, hugging around his stomach. “That justifies me making you feel shitty and stupid. Hurray for me. I’m helping.”

Alter Ego looked at the chibi’s expectantly, the four listening curiously… Chibi Nao left first, closing her eyes and free-falling forward, a hole opening up beneath her that allowed her to disappear, closing up immediately behind her. Chibi Kokichi looked around, trying to pinpoint where he was looking, before running off into the distance, impossibly fast. Meanwhile, Chibi Shuuichi’s hat flew up for a moment, Chibi Shuchi needing to reach out and catch it, before falling up into the sky, waving at them as he fell up.

Alter Ego sighed. “Metaphors… they’re always so extra...hey. What about you?” he asked Chibi Kaito, who didn’t seem to be going anywhere, just looking up at big Kokichi. “No memories with Kaito that would help determine if they’d believe Kokichi could have come to this conclusion himself?”

Chibi Kaito shrugged… before, tiny magenta dots sparkling, he ran up to Big Kokichi. Latching himself onto his leg. Looking just dazzled up at him. Alter Ego frowned, batting their little paws at Chibi Kaito’s head, trying to bat him off Kokichi’s leg as he said, “Hey, hey. Don’t let the Kaito memory overwhelm you. Focus.”

(ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

...okay, despite what they were trying to do, Kokichi couldn’t help but smile again, watching all the cartoonish memories of his family scamper off. And...aw. That was sweet. 

Reaching down, Kokichi gently patted Chibi Kaito-Hiro on the head, giving him a fond smile. “I love you too, but we need some help right now. I want to be able to keep you safe. And…” Once again, his expression saddened, something...he didn’t think would happen, but was certainly within this realm of possibility. 

“...I would prefer it if my husband didn’t think I was a demon...or possessed by one. If there’s any way to get out ahead of what they might be thinking… I need a plan. So would you please take a look? You can sit in my lap when we’re talking about it later, if you want.”

ಥ_ಥ

( ˘︹˘ )

(ง︡'-'︠)ง

With that look of determination, Chibi Kaito let go of Kokichi’s leg, taking a breath, before spinning in place so quickly that a little tornado formed around him. When the tornado was gone, so was he.

“Your husband seems like a handful.” Alter Ego mused.

Chibi Shuuichi came back first, looking considerably more depressed on the way back then he had leaving. He was holding a jar of pollen, and without a look at either of them, rewound the memory to where Shuuichi said, tearfully and full of angry regret, “...making you feel shitty and stupid.”

Then, pausing it, Chibi Shuuichi opened up the jar-

Maki, Kaito, Shuuichi and Kokichi were all sitting in a semi-circle in their bedroom. All looking to Nao, who looked stern and stiff. Shuuichi staring at her adoringly, Kaito looking hopeful and surprisingly optimistic, considering that Kokichi sat against Kaito, looking exhausted in turn, and Maki seemed borderline ready to fight someone. 

"Now, testing a largely unknown poison on yourself is, well, incredibly stupid," the memory of Nao informed the weirdly giggly and gossipy Luminaries, "so Shuuichi didn't just go to Seiko and tell her what he'd been doing, oh no. Instead, he just tells her that he's interested in studying the medicinal properties of Despair Pollen, which, while true, is not even close to the full story…”

Alter Ego watched this impassively, before nodding at Chibi Shuuichi, “Okay, so that justifies, at least in part, why hearing Shuuichi say something about being made to feel so stupid so aggresibly upset him. That’s a link. That’s you knowing through context of a memory, and not reading his mind. They’ll make that same connection, at least subconsciously, since both of them were there for that memory.”

The next Chibi back was Nao, who was holding a notebook, also looking more tired now. She forwarded the memory a little bit, as Shuuichi said, “....Hurray for me. I’m helping.”

Opening up the notebook-

They were still in the same bedroom, apparently just a little bit further on in the conversation. Everyone now looking far less chilled out, and they hadn’t even been that chill to begin with. Kaito, in particular, had a curious look in his face. A sort of almost… cheery blankness. A pulse in his forehead. A decision already forming in his head, a decision based on the bloodlust growing inside of him.

“...My reasoning has been that I will at least not kill him or do any lasting damage, so he will have a relatively safe way to get off-”

“That’s all I need to hear.” Alter Ego decided, cutting off the memory before it could continue, not wanting to be too invasive on what was clearly a difficult and busy memory. “That justifies the second half of that sentence. I’d say, with those two shared experiences, you could tell them you heard Shuuichi say that and immediately knew he was referencing his feelings on Nao, and I don’t think either of them would question it, since they share the same memories. It’ll make sense to them. Now, the dirt thing. Has anyone found any memories that would justify Kokichi knowing Shuuichi was feeling dirty? Concrete?”

They waited. Chibi Shichi and Chibi Nao glancing at each other, their parts done… before Chibi Nao pointed at a particularly weird looking root coming out of the ground. Wordlessly, the two went to go look closer at it. Shuuichi watching curiously as Nao poked it, before digging it out a little to get a clearer look. 

“He makes things lively,” Kokichi softly replied, something fond even in the lines on his face. “I really like it that way.”

Even though Kokichi had never actually seen the jar in real life, as soon as he saw what was in Chibi Shuuichi’s hands he knew what it was. It was kind of a part of all this, remembering those days...but he still felt the weight of it land on his shoulders. Realizing that they were going to be talking about the times when Shuuichi was in the height of his addiction. Maybe...the first times he’d ever confided in Kokichi about how he felt about what Nao had done. Those intense first times, when they tended to end up talking about it because they might’ve just sent Kaito back into murder mode. Maki being too much of a warden, Kaito not able to empathize at all, since he hadn’t known Nao…

...even hearing her voice in the memory hurt. 

Even more at the next one. Kokichi felt something thick and bitter in his throat, barely even wanting to conceptualize exactly what Nao had been doing to Shuuichi. Shuuichi had never told him the specifics, and...part of Kokichi never wanted to know. He didn’t know if he could take it...even if that wasn’t fair to his boyfriend who had lived it.

Nodding glumly, Kokichi sighed. “It’s not too far of a guess to piece together that if he was saying those kinds of things, so upset, that it probably had something to do with her. I’m in the clear there, I suppose.”

He was sure Shuuichi had told him about feeling dirty, but...he couldn’t remember a specific time. Hopefully it wasn’t just...him reading feelings through time and thinking they had talked about it. 

Kokichi looked over to watch Chibi Nao and Chibi Shuuichi, just a sort of...glum, cloudy look on his face.

After a moment, both Chibi Kokichi and Chibi Kaito returned, Alter Ego sighing warily as he saw them holding hands. “I swear to Atua… Kaito, you better not have just followed Kokichi around.”

Chibi Kaito looked offended at this. Letting go of Chibi Kokichi’s hands and crossing an X over his face, shaking his head furiously. Of course not! He had looked! 

“Fine… dd you find anything for dirty?” He asked Chibi Kaito.

The red-readed chibi hesitated… before keeping his arms x’d, shaking his head. Kaito, at least among Kokichi’s memories, had never heard Shuuichi refer to himself that way. “...well, that’s not good.” Alter Ego murmured, looking to Chibi Kokichi, “You?”

Giving Chibi Kokichi a small kiss on the cheek, Chibi Kaito ran to Big Kokichi, eager for his reward of lap time for going to go look, just like he had said he would! Meanwhile, Chibi Kokichi lifted up a mini-pillow triumphantly.

They were still in Kokichi’s room, Kokichi and Shuuichi alone on their bed, the two clearly trying to comfort each other, Shuuichi looking exasperated with himself as Kokichi soothingly rubbed his back, listening to him. 

The memory of Shuuichi suddenly snorted, his eyes going wet with burning, humiliated tears as he said, "God, that sounds so pathetic to say out loud...so...dirty and creepy...but I can't explain how bad the heat was. I can't explain it. What you and Kaito dealt with that first night together? Me...acting crazy and begging you to fill me up like some over-eager slut...that was a calm day. That was nothing compared to how I acted with her. I was disgusting...and she still stayed..."

“Enough.” Alter Ego said, dismissing the memory. “That’s… that’s something, at least… Shuuichi would remember that. So… even if it was only once, that’s an association… but that’s only for Shuuichi. Kaito, with no memories associated with it… he never mentions it any other time?” He asked all the chibis.

The chibis all looked at each other… before each of them offering memories.

Dirty, stupid whore!

Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty

...gross, dirty body, only to be use-

“Enough! Stop. You idiots could have just told me most of Kokichi’s memories associated with that word comes from picking up his passing feelings, not things he’s said aloud. Got it.” Alter Ego sighed, “Metaphors. I swear… okay…”

“...so, worst comes to worst? I was going to suggest we skip into Shuuichi’s brain and suggest to him not worry about it. Or, take the memory of you saying ‘dirty’ out specifically. But, thankfully, your shared association memory of him referencing himself as dirty when talking about Nao might be enough to convince him you were associative guessing. It could still be okay. Kaito… has no memories like that. But… he wasn’t really paying attention in the moment when you said it. Is he the type to overanalyze a memory like that?”

Kokichi tried to smile for the cute memory of his husband, shifting a little so he was sitting cross-legged, helping the chibi into his lap when he rushed over. Giving Chibi Kaito another soft pat on the head, he murmured softly. “Thank you. I appreciate you going to look, even if you didn’t find anything.”

...they weren’t particularly nice memories to look through. 

Kokichi cringed as he heard...apparently what he’d been hearing in his heart for a while. Not so much these days, but especially at the start of their relationship...he could remember just...always wanting to reassure Shuuichi of how wonderful and special and worthy of being loved he was. That Kokichi loved him. 

If these were the kinds of things he was picking up off of Shuuichi, no wonder. 

Sighing deeply enough that you could practically see the weight pressing down on Kokichi, he paused before shaking his head slowly. “I don’t think so… He might be a little weirded out in general, ‘cause of the whole thing, but I don’t think there’s any part in particular that would grab him as more odd than the whole. So…”

Kokichi looked up at Alter Ego with big, worried eyes. “...I didn’t just ruin everything?”

Alter Ego looked back and forth between the Chibi Shuuichi and Chibi Kaito, a wordless question in the gaze. Both of them felt his gaze, Chibi-Shuuichi looking up from his and Nao’s inspection of the strange root, Kaito looking down, eyes SPARKLING, as he sat happily in Big Kokichi’s lap, enjoying soft pats… and both only hesitated a moment before, uncertainly, shaking their heads.

“I think we have just enough suspension of disbelief and circumstantial evidence that, even if either of them questioned you on it, you could reasonably explain it away without too much issue.” Alter Ego decided, “So, no. Nothing is ruined.”

At this, once by one, the chibi’s started to puff away in a cloud of smoke, first Nao, then Kokichi, then Shuuichi…

...Chibi Kaito stubbornly stayed in place. He had earned lap time, dammit!

Kokichi let out a sigh of relief, which was immediately followed by a much heavier and staggered sigh of relief. It was weird beyond belief...but he hadn’t put his family in danger. They were fine… Even if Kokichi didn’t remember it in the morning, he still had those memories. Even if Shuuichi pressed, those were connections a person could place, and...it wasn’t the first time Kokichi had taken a guess that happened to be spot on. This one was just weirder. 

With a small groan, Kokichi held Chibi Kaito close, resting his chin atop the doll-ish figure’s head as he curled into himself a bit. “...thank you… For going through all this, and coming over so suddenly. I can’t imagine it’ll be the easiest conversation in the morning, but...it’ll still be doable. Everything’s okay…”

“I’m always happy to help, sudden or otherwise.” Alter Ego assured Kokichi, mostly relieved that the two of them didn’t have to consider more drastic means, like memory alteration, on either of his partners. Shuuichi had associated memories accounted for, so even if he pressed, there was still a ‘rational’ explanation for Kokichi’s ‘guess’, and as for Kaito…

As the cat watched Kaito cheerfully grab one of Kokichi’s hands that had wandered too close, playing with his fingers a little before, little red dots on his cheek, playfully kissing the tips of them, each with a little ‘chu’ sound… yeah. He had a feeling Kaito, at least when it came to Kokichi, wasn’t hard to distract. 

“Everything is okay…” Alter Ego agreed… before, considering Kokichi’s heavy look, and the nature of everything they had just had to shift through, “...as far as your secret goes. Otherwise… are you okay? This… seems like a difficult subject that you talked through with your boyfriend while literally half asleep. How do you feel?”

Kokichi let the chibi version of his husband play with his hand, knowing that actual Kaito would be shooting off to la-la land if he had any concept of this. But...it was kind of cute, seeing a version of his husband distilled like this. 

Shaking his head softly, Kokichi half-shrugged. “I don’t… Down? I...I hate that all that happened. No one likes to see their loved ones hurt, and that was...it was pure hell. For so long we just...we didn’t know if we’d ever get to the point of seeing the light of the other side of the tunnel… And that was just as a group, how Shuu-chan felt about it for himself…”

Kokichi let out a shuttered breath. “...it’s only been a relatively recent thing that things have felt...okay. I’m never, ever going to blame Shuu-chan for hurting, and the past is never just a distant thing… But it still sucks, knowing how deeply haunted he is by everything she did…”

“...I can’t believe she tortured him…” 

It was a small admission, but...not really something Kokichi had ever talked about. He’d spoken briefly with Shuuichi about his feelings on Nao, but...it never felt important enough, when Shuuichi was more hurt by her in every category. 

Kokichi wasn’t trying to cling on to the image of Nao he’d had before everything, but...he was still hurt by it all. 

Chibi Kato looked up, small, beady eyes worried by Kokichi’s tone, nuzzling his hand with his face… before his face reddened. Not the sweet, flushed pink of cheer he had before. Just… furious. Frustrated. Enraged.

Alter Ego looked curiously at the chibi, before refocusing his attention onto Kokichi above him. Sitting down as he said softly, “Could you explain to me the situation? I know this sounds strange, considering I was just looking through all of your memories, but I really only have pieces of what’s going on. I know this woman was your…” Alter Ego’s brow furrowed. One ear twitching, vague, second-hand memories bouncing around his skull, “...is your aunt. She’s a librarian. And she… she’s the one that got Shuuichi off the drug he was on. The one that killed my party and made him capable of giving birth. Correct?”

Alter Ego tilted his head, before asking gently, “But, who was she to you? Beyond her family relation, I mean.”

Kokichi nodded, his eyes downcast. Not tearing up--not yet, anyway--but reflecting his hurt. “...she’s not...she’s not my biological aunt. I don’t think she ever met my mom, and I don’t think she met Aiichi until Yasu brought her in… But…”

His lips trembled slightly. “...I’ve known Nao all my life. She...she wasn’t always the librarian, but...she spent a lot of time in the castle even before she was. She’d come read to me...not even just when I was sick, but just whenever… We talked so much about stories...fantasy. Other people read to me but...I think she’s the person that really got me to love books. Finding an adventure even in the simplest setting...because while fantastical worlds were fun to play in, people had the best stories in them. The world means nothing if there’s not people living in it…”

Ah, it looked the like waterworks were starting to turn on. “She didn’t coddle me… In fairness, I guess, I was never banned from the library, but… She never talked to me like...I was brain-dead, or that I was fragile… Whenever I was curious about something, she’d always explain the basics, then show me how I could find out more on my own ‘cause…’cause she said it was important to draw conclusions yourself, at least at the start. And...she never tried to hide things ‘c-cause they’d stress me out… If I wanted to read about revolutions or read horror novels...I think the most she censored was trying to lead me to stuff I already had an interest in.”

Sniffling, Kokichi wiped at his nose, trying not to get tears or snot on Chibi Kaito. “...she was always so excited for me, when I passed a hard test, o-or showed her a new drawing… And she shared her own life too...things she was working on, conversations with Yasu… She was the first person to ever talk to me about the riots...and it was hard for her too… Said she’d come to Aiichi expecting an execution since...i-if she’d told people when the riot was happening, maybe my mom…”

“...Aunty hated who she was back then… Was always trying to make up for it, even if people had forgiven her for just...knowing. She...she would always tell me, that if I could be anything, then I should be kind…”

“So I don’t-!” Kokichi’s voice broke as he choked back a sob. “I don’t understand why she would abuse someone! That’s not the person I knew! But it’s still her, and I hate it!”

Chibi Kaito fretted a little, looking up at Kokichi with worried eyes, before just latching onto his arm, trying his best to hold Big Kokichi, even if Big Kokichi was too big to cradle now. 

Alter Ego’s ears drooped a little… before they sighd. “I’m sorry to hear all that… that sounds like it was a tough situation for anyone… but to have known her for long, and for her to do something that so hurt you…”

Alter Ego went to Kokichi’s side, resting their furry body next to his hip, purring reassuringly. As he purred, he said, “...I don’t even really have a place to make a passing guess. I didn’t know her and I’m still not even all that familiar with what happened… but she sounds like, at her core, she’s a good person. Maybe she just got lost? Even good people can do truly terrible things, if they convince themselves those terrible things will lead to goodness… you’re more familiar with that right now then most, I wager.” Alter Ego sighed. Thinking of meeting Princess Kaede. Of discussing King Aiichi. 

“Though, admittedly…” Alter Ego gave Kokichi a concerned look, “‘Torture’ is a heavy word. Why would she have felt the need to…”

Alter Ego thought about it for a moment. The context of everything. What Shuuichi had been on, during the time it was happening, and what she was explaining to the group in their memories. Shuuichi’s tearful, embarrassed confession of how needy he had been…

“The pollen.” Alter Ego sighed. “That’s what it was, wasn’t it. She was trying to appease the pollen. That’s a… bottomless hole, right there...”

Kokichi did pretty well at calming his sobs after the first one though the tears kept falling. He gently held Chibi Kaito back, unfortunately the little hold not as comforting as the big one usually was...but Kokichi also knew that this...would never be something the real Kaito would feel calm enough to comfort him over. 

“She found out about it before any of us did… We barely knew what the pollen was then. She...promised to keep it a secret except for Seiko...our doctor. They said...they were worried that Shuu-chan was gonna get himself killed otherwise… She had reasons, b-but...they weren’t right. They should’ve told someone! A...Nao didn’t have to do all that to Shuu-chan!”

Kokichi shook his head violently, having gone over versions of this conversation before. “Just because the pollen made him want it doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape and abuse! He was on drugs! Why didn’t she do something else?!”

Alter Ego just listened patiently, his friend clearly going through something, likely needing this off his chest, if nothing else. Chibi Kaito just closed his eyes, holding on tighter, nervous at Big Kokichi’s anger. He knew he could puff out of existence and rejoin the comforting, collective consciousness that was Alter Ego, returning to his base essence peacefully… but he couldn’t go yet! Big Kokichi needed him! 

“... I couldn’t say… it doesn’t sound good.” Alter Ego admitted, looking up at Kokichi’s raging face. “It sounds like she made some serious mistakes… I can understand feeling betrayed. Wanting closure…”

Alter Ego’s tail twitched. “...do you want to go talk to her?” he asked, feeling like he probably already knew the answer, but wanting to remind Kokichi that was an option for him if he wanted it. If Empaths had one all encompassing power worth speaking of? It was just… the ability to talk to basically anyone, whenever.

While he’d been practically yelling...in a sigh, the fight left him, leaving hurt and bitterness and a longing for things that would never be. Kokichi slowly wiped his face, giving Chibi Kaito a few apologetic pats for being so loud. 

“...if I do, I want it to be in the real world… And...I don’t think I do right now.” Kokichi sagged a bit, holding Chibi Kaito close and putting a gentle hand down to pet along Alter Ego’s side. “...it’s been months since I last saw her…but it still feels too fresh. Nothing will ever go back to the way it was...and...I don’t know if I can forgive her. If I even consider putting an effort towards it...I want it to be after a time where it won’t feel like a betrayal to Shuu-chan. Right now...it’s too close.”

“...sorry for yelling. Can’t feel nice on your ears.”

Alter Ego laughed lightly, leaning into the pets as he said, “My ears are more of metaphorical construct than anything else, symbolism to represent how I can intake communication that, for my form, is entirely decorative… so, don’t worry about it. It only stung a little.” Alter Ego teased, looking up fondly at Kokichi. 

He knew this was sad. A hard discussion, for the other man. But, well… he was just glad to be able to be here for him. Happy to be a source of outlet for something that had clearly been bothering him. Likely would still bother him, after this, but, well… Alter Ego would still be here for the next time Kokichi wanted to talk about it too. Some bad feelings didn’t go away after a good talk, or at the very least only lessoned… but that didn’t make the conversations not worth having. Talking through your feelings was always a healthy choice. That was how the cat felt about it, anyway.

“That’s understandable. It is a complicated situation, after all, with a lot of pieces involved… well.” Alter Ego looked out to the field. Relaxng against Kokichi’s side, “Maybe she’ll reach out herself someday. I don’t know what kind of person she is, when it comes to her ideas of forgiveness, but, well…” Alter Ego frowned. “My shards are in disagreement, to whether that idea is desirable or not. Some of them believe that if she had any decency, she’d stay away perpetually. Some of them think her reaching out would be a good faith effort start to apologizing. Some only want her to apologize for the satisfaction of rejecting her, while the last thinks true reconciliation would be a desirable outcome... Hmmm…”

Alter Ego considered all the different ideas… before licking their paw, admitting, “I don’t know. The being I am currently has never experienced a betrayal like that. I can’t really imagine what you or Shuuichi or Nao really want from this experience.”

Chibi Kaito huffed, crossing his arms, looking annoyed. The small creature clearly having his own opinion on the idea. A look of irritation at the whole thing.

“I don’t even really know what I want,” Kokichi sighed, more just looking drained now. “I mean...if I could choose anything in the universe, it’d be for it not to have happened at all, but obviously that’s not a way forward. I just...keep hoping it’ll stop hurting one day.”

Kokichi huffed a soft, tired laugh, seeing Chibi Kaito’s anger. “...but of everything I’m confused about, her dying isn’t going to make it stop hurting… It’ll just create a new wound. I know you wouldn’t...but still.”

“I think...one day I’m gonna talk to Yasu, and ask if Nao and I can talk. I don’t know what I’ll want out of it, or when that’ll be, but...that’s the plan as it is. I don’t…” Kokichi paused to sigh, that deep hurt on his face again. “...I don’t think she’ll be my aunt again. But...maybe if she can be more than a painful memory...maybe that’s what I want.”

(≖_≖ )

Chibi Kaito was not impressed with the ‘don’t attack Nao’ plan. Alter Ego looked at the small creature, as Chibi Kaito gestured to him, making a series of complicated movements and wild expressions at him…

💪 (•︡益︠•) 👊

ᕙ( ︡'︡益'︠)ง

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`▭´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

And by the time he was done, standing on Kokichi’s lap, huffing and puffing from the exertion… Alter Ego scoffed. “No, you can’t just ‘beat her up a little bit’. That’s not helpful. Also, you’re not a physical, permanent creature. Also, also, that would require you to go to her consciousness. Also, also, also… you’re like half the size of me, and I’m a cat. Who the heck are you going to beat up? A determined baby rabbit could kick your ass.”

(◣◢)┌∩┐

Kokichi sighed, though there was a lot of love in his gaze. When Chibi Kaito was finished with his tirade, Kokichi gently scooped him up, pressing a light kiss to the side of his oversized head. “...she accepted your judgement before. If you didn’t do anything permanent...I think she might let you beat her up a little. I think you and Shuu-chan would have to talk about if he would actually get anything out of it, though… It might just be for you.”

“...I’m pissed at her… But…” He sighed again, running a hand through his hair. “...it’s just emotional anger...not productive. There’s nothing...I want from her. Nothing possible, anyway…”

Chibi Kaito was a little dazed by the kiss, his attention now entirely diverted, staring fixedly at Kokichi’s mouth, like he had just remembered it existed. Alter Ego rolled his eyes at the little creature, before refocusing on Kokichi. “...maybe it’s really just a matter of time passing. I know ‘time heals all wounds’ is pretty trite, as a phrase, but it’s not baseless. All of this only happened six months ago, right? It doesn’t strike me as outrageous that it still hurts. It’s basically just happened.”

Kokichi nodded a bit, accepting of that fact, if not thrilled with it. “Time is...hard to think about sometimes. I think part of it is just ‘cause I’m pretty young overall, but...six months has been my entire life with the others. Sometimes it just feels like I think about things as either before or after meeting Kai-chan. And so considering those six months are one hundred percent of that part of my life, instead of just being a small fraction…”

He rubbed at his face a bit. “...things get out of perspective for me. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hating someone I loved once, but...it’s only been six months, give or take. And even after we do talk...that might not fix anything.”

Chibi Kaito fidgeted a bit… clearly in conflict with himself… fuck he hated Nao… but… b-big Kokichi…

Huffing, already mad at himself, Chibi Kaito fussed his way out of Kokichi’s lap, ignoring Alter Ego as the cat said, “Hey, where do you think you’re going? Basing you on two sentient memories was the wrong choice. Come back her-ow!” 

Chibi Kaito gave Alter Ego a smug look as the cat reared back their paw, an offended look as Chibi Kaito wacked their paw away from battering his head with a tiny desk leg, before dismissing the chosen weapon, looking around. Looking for it… before burrowing his way into the dirt. “Little brat… just wait till he returns to his base essence.” Alter Ego grumbled… before chuckling a little at himself. “My existence is so damn weird.”

It was only a minute later, but Chibi Kaito came back, dragging a little golden ankle bracelet that Kokichi wouldn’t recognize. Sighing at his haul, Chibi Kaito presented the bracelet to Kokichi triumphantly, the bracelet being made of two memories, Chibi Kaito having dragged them both back by connecting them to the bracelet.

Upon the time, without lingering on them, two memories flash back.

The memorial garden. Their lowest possible point. Where it felt like nothing was ever going to get better, where they were on the verge of giving up entirely. 

And the second memory, much more recent. Kaito giddy, almost deliriously so, looking at Kokichi like the smaller man was the universe in the sky, dazzling and overwhelming. No doubts in their relationship. None.

The message Chibi Kaito was trying to present to Big Kokichi, even as begrudgingly as he was, hopefully coming across clear: things get better.

Kokichi let Chibi Kaito out of his lap easily, knowing he was a memory but still hoping he hadn’t...hurt this version of his husband, talking about something that Kokichi knew they’d never see eye-to-eye on. And that was okay...Kaito being mad was a good thing. It was a sign of his steadfast love for Shuuichi, and Kaito hadn’t had any sort of connection to Nao beforehand. As long as he accepted that Shuuichi and Kokichi didn’t want him to kill her, which he did, then...Kaito could feel however he wanted. 

It was as Kokichi said months and months ago--just because Kokichi liked someone, or had an attachment, in this case, didn’t mean that Kaito had to follow suit. When it came to his sister, Kokichi was happy that Kaito was putting in an effort anyway, giving her a chance, but with Nao, and even with Aiichi to an extent… Coexistence was all he could ask for. 

Kokichi made a concerned sound as Chibi Kaito smacked Alter Ego’s paw away--wincing a little at the choice in weapon, though it made sense, considering the subject matter--and looked over his mentor, glad he didn’t seem to be hurt, though he was a little confused by what Chibi Kaito was doing. 

Seeing the golden bracelet didn’t clear anything up, at least until the memories hit. A point where they realized that they didn’t understand each other at all...when it felt trying to fit would only bring each other pain again and again...just a moment away from giving up…

...and then Kokichi and Kaito now. Still not fully understanding each other, but coming closer every day, and having made grand strides already. Choosing every day to love and understand. 

Kokichi’s lips trembled before his eyes started growing wet again. Gently scooping Chibi Kaito up again, Kokichi touched his head against the small being’s, crying silently. 

...he wanted so badly for her to just be his beloved aunt again. The past would never be erased...but maybe someday, when the pain faded, and they were willing to talk...they could make something out of the remains. 

Chibi Kaito hated Nao just as much as real, Big Kaito did. Honestly, no part of him regretted going at her with the desk leg. He only regretted not doing it somewhere his husband couldn’t see it happening. He had been too enraged in the moment to think like that though, just knowing that every second, in that moment, that Nao took an unlabored breath, was a second Kaito wasn’t doing his duty. He really, really wished he had gotten one good fucking hit…

...but his loves happiness meant more than Kaito’s thirst for revenge. He probably wouldn’t like it when, someday, Kokichi and Nao tried, and maybe would successfully, reconcile. It might make his stomach tighten in horror, that maybe even Shuuichi would find himself easily talking to her. Finding their own peace. He’d feel guilty, someday, when he saw her, and had to be the only person in the room holding back his resentment… and then, because his mind worked like that, he’d one day feel even guiltier when someday he’d see her, and didn’t. 

… love and hate were complicated feelings. Kaito was willing to ignore his own hatred, if it brought them happiness… ‘willing’ being the key term. It was hard. He wasn’t good at it… not yet anyway. But just because he wasn’t yet really ‘capable’ of it, didn’t mean he wasn’t willing. 

So, even knowing his actions were pushing for a future neither he nor the real world Kaito really wanted… Chibi Kaito just sighed, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead against Kokichi’s. Reaching out and placing a hand on the bridge of Big Kokichi’s nose, gently petting him. It was okay, Big Kokichi… it wasn’t all hopeless yet…

Alter Ego watched all this curiously… before, tail twitching, offered, “Would you like me to leave the creature behind? As a defense or a mechanic or something? Like how we left things behind in Kaito?”

Kokichi opened an eye, looking over at Alter Ego before his cheeks reddened slightly. “...it makes sense, since he’s Kai-chan, but...I’ve grown kinda fond. And...he’s pretty good at finding memories that I can’t think of in the moment.”

Kokichi blushed more, knowing just...how ridiculous this was. He had his real husband in the real world, could summon a memory of him if he needed to talk things out with his best guess of what Kaito would actually say, and he had other ways of finding memories. But the little chibi petting at his nose…

“...if it would be alright with you...I’d like him to stay.” Even though he knew it wouldn’t matter to the creature if it returned to base essence...there was a part of Kokichi that thought it was sad, dismissing Chibi Kaito.

Alter Ego nodded, giving the little, delighted squirming creature in Kokichi’s hands an amused look, Chibi Kaito apparently thrilled with this development. “It’s fine. I’ll need to put a little more essence in it to make it sustainable when I leave, since its energy will need to be strong enough to latch onto your consciousness on its own, but like I said, it’s no different a process then what we did for your husband. Plus, it’ll give me an opportunity to practice doing something like that without the energy seeds Temp gave us to form the defenses we put in Kaito. So, all in all, a win. May I see him?”

Alter Ego gave Chibi Kaito an appraising look when the small creature was put down, Chibi Kaito looking entirely at ease with all of this as Alter Ego tried to work out exactly how this process went, without Temp’s energy guidelines. Closing his eyes, Alter Ego took some deep, heavy breaths, collecting the energy inside of himself… focusing it…

Then, he took his front paw, and WACKED! Chibi Kaito on the head. Forcing in all that energy at once.

Chibi Kaito, in turn, made a little, bell like sound of screaming offense, before summoning a sword-- one that looked a great deal like the one Kokichi had given Big Kaito in his own consciousness-- and ran at Alter Ego, trying to attack him. Alter Ego watched him come at him, before once again taking his paw and wacking him on the back, pinning Chibi Kaito to the ground casually while Chibi Kaito gave more loud, offended shouts, struggling to get up beneath the paw as Alter Ego explained, “Okay, so, obviously, he’s not much of a defense. But, he’s designed for memory fetching, and you could probably train him in other skills too. On top of that, with some guidance and training, you could probably make him an idle defense in your mind as well, as far as looking for unusual guests and intrusions while you’re awake. He’s not really capable of that yet, as he is, but he would be if you were willing to put some time and energy into his development. Could be useful someday!”

m/(>.<)\m Chibi Kaito continued thrashing.

Nodding, Kokichi lowered Chibi Kaito to the ground, happy, if a little embarrassed, that the little creature would be sticking around. It was the comforting, uplifting presence of his husband all in an adorable little package. No, Kokichi did not know how to reconcile it with his real husband, come the time when Kokichi would remember being an empath, but that was a problem for then. 

Kokichi gasped softly as Alter Ego clocked Chibi Kaito, then made a pretty embarrassing display of subduing him, but… Kokichi giggled a bit. “That’s alright. I think I’ll show him the door anyway, even if he can’t be much of an alarm yet. If there’s anything that’d get me to pay attention, it’s my husband in distress, so I think he’ll learn to be a great defence one day. And he’s already been more than useful.”

Leaning over to get a little closer to the ground, Kokichi smiled at the thrashing, cartoonish version of his husband. “Why don’t we set up somewhere you can be comfortable while I’m awake? I’m sure you can get comfy in various places in my memory, but it’s nice to have your own space, isn’t it? I could try making a little Kokichi too, practice keeping a construct up while I’m awake...and it could keep you company while I’m not aware.”

('o')!!!

Chibi Kaito looked extremely excited at the idea of Chibi Kokichi coming back-- even if the other Kokichi would be a bit less real and permanent then Chibi Kaito himself now was. He was still a creature of consciousness, and even if he was sticking around a little longer than usual, all creatures of consciousness would always one day return to their base essence, and were perfectly comfortable with that. It was their natural state of being, after all, their solid, personified selves always a temporary situation. 

But Chibi Kaito, because of the nature of who he ‘was’ at the moment, was also excited to be able to stick around and keep Big Kokichi company for as long as he was desired… and also, like, hell yeah, he wanted to hang out with a little Kokichi too! 

...did he have a dick in this body!? Fuck he’d have to look later.

Managing to turn around under Alter Ego’s paw, Kaito opened his mouth wide and bit at the paw-- ow!-- scrambling out from under the massive beasts grip, before getting on his feet and running over to Big Kokichi, latching onto him again. 

≥^.^≤

Kokichi sighed fondly and gave Chibi Kaito some more pats on the head before looking up to give Alter Ego a thankful smile. “Thank you, for all this… You wanna come along while we get him settled? I could try setting up a cat bed for you somewhere too, though I dunno how much you’d wanna come by while we’re not doing something.”

Alter Ego scoffed, “Kokichi, I’m an extremely powerful empath, and I’m almost, like… four months old by this point. If I wanted a comfy, cozy, cat bed, I’d make my own. Thank you.”

Laughing lightly at himself, he shook his head, getting up and stretching, “That’s alright. While it’s really not a problem, poor Hiro is currently actually trying to do a ‘seance’ for some paying customers during all this, and the poor guy is struggling to focus on it, to say the least. Honestly, I don’t know how Hiro does it. Our poor anchor has the toughest job, easily. It can’t be easy, having your consciousness split in two, both active at the same time. I should probably go give him a break.”

Kokichi joined in on the laughter, his cheeks still a little wet from earlier, but feeling...much better about everything. Relieved and hopeful everywhere he needed to be. 

“Ooph…” he grimaced, feeling...kind of bad about pulling Alter Ego away, but...it was still their decision to come. He’d just be even more aware in his thankfulness. “I’ll let you get back to that. I know you all know, but...I say ‘hi’, and thanks for letting me have your attention for a while. I’ll see you later.”

Alter Ego nodded, and Chibi Kaito watched from his place latched onto Kokichi’s leg, bracing himself, just in case Alter Ego hadn’t successfully managed to do it, and Chibi Kaito would end up following Alter Ego out of the consciousness, returning to base essence…

… and then letting go of Kokichi’s leg and pumping his fist into the air triumphantly when Alter Ego was gone, and he was till here! Woo! It worked! Heck yeah! 

Looking up eagerly at Kokichi, Chibi Kaito jumped in place, waving his arms at him excitedly. Look! Big Kokichi, look! He was still here!!

Giggling, Kokichi clapped his hands a bit, endeared by Chibi Kaito’s excitement, and pretty happy himself that he was indeed sticking around. Reaching down, allowing Chibi Kaito to decide this time if he wanted a ride or not, Kokichi grinned down at the new inhabitant in his mind. “So, where do you think you want your space to be? We could just go to our bedroom, but since this is my mind...my imagination is really the limit. Anywhere you wanna be, let’s give it a shot!”

Chibi Kaito put a hand on his chin, thinking, a thoughtful, determined expression on his simple, cutesy face. A part of him wanted to go to his old temple, or maybe the city streets of Luminary-- a part of him wanted to go back to that lovely fantasy of being among a bunch of pillows on the Luminary throne, maybe accompanied by a sweet, happy Chibi Kokichi from that same fantasy-- But, as comforting as those places were to him, it wasn’t terribly imaginative… where could he really never go, as Big Kaito…

Climbing onto Kokchi’s hands, legs dangling down his wrist, Kaito thought about it… before looking up.

He pointed at the sky. At space. 

???

Kokichi looked up. The sky… He hadn’t often tried to go places he didn’t have memories of...but he at least had a lot of memories of looking through the telescope in the observatory, or sitting back on the balcony around it and star-gazing with his own eyes. He could give it a shot. 

Closing his eyes, Kokichi tried to draw on every memory he had of space, then tried...to immerse himself in it. Filling his surroundings with awe and majesty, cozy and gawking…

Kokichi peeked an eye open, gasping quietly when… He could feel something solid under his feet, but he couldn’t see it. Just...all around were swirls of stardust and colorful streaks of universe, accentuated everywhere he looked with distant stars, stretching out billions of miles…

Kokichi barely felt like he could speak in the face of something like this, but he looked down to Chibi Kaito, still in his hand. “...this what you had in mind?”

≥^.^≤

≧'◡'≦

≧◉◡◉≦

≧❂◡❂≦

Chibi Kaito looked around, stunned… before leaping out of Big Kokichi’s hand, wanting to get a closer look at the close drifting stardust. He was a little surprised when his trajectory slowed, and he seemed to hover in the middle of the air, looking around, a little confused… before experimenting with kicking his feet out, sort of swimming through the atmosphere for a moment, until his feet seemed to catch a thicker part of the atmosphere, allowing him to kick off of it. Using the momentum of the kick, Chibi Kaito headed over to the long, thick streak of star-particles, looking at it, dazzled, as he shifted his hands through it.

Kokichi was doing his best, but this place was a fantasy, entirely separate from its real world counterpart. Chibi Kaito didn’t mind, his knowledge of space limited to what Kokichi and Alter Ego, to an extent, knew about it. Stll, as he shifted through the particles, he laughed lightly, the sound bell-like, as he realized the ‘particles’ were all really, really tiny individual stars, all bunched together. 

Chibi Kaito looked around, delighted with the star cloud, but wanting to explore more. Seeing a distant planet, Chibi Kaito kicked off the star path, aiming for the planet next… and wasn’t surprised when it didn’t get any bigger, the planet not distant, just small. Chibi Kaito landed against it, sucked into its orbit as he got closer to it, and walked the side of the planet till he got to the top, sitting on the surface of the moon-looking planet-- only not a moon because, around Chibi Kaito, two much, much small orbs were circling the small planet, it coming with its own two moons-- as he waved at Big Kokichi. 

Look! He got his own planet! This was his spot! 

Kokichi watched Chibi Kaito explore for a moment before starting to walk among the stardust himself, making it swirl between his fingers as he spun, the whole of the universe around them, but somehow not feeling empty at all. It was just...sublime, in the very sense of the word. 

Giggling, he gave Chibi Kaito a wave back, kicking off little invisible discs to make his way to the little planet. “I’m glad you like it… This place is yours. Though, I can’t say I won’t come by, time to time...it’s really nice here.”

And...with the greatest places, it was all the better to share it with someone. 

Kokichi closed his eyes again, focusing. A simpler version of himself...the chibi he’d seen before, if only for a little while. A little him for his little husband, making sure he wouldn’t get lonely while the real him was away…

Letting out a little breath, Kokichi held his hands up, Chibi Kokichi looking around in awe before making little happy jumps at the sight of Kaito, rearing up to go run towards him.

(>◠‿◠)> ♪ ♥ <(´∇｀<) ♥♥!!

Chibi Kaito caught Chibi Kokichi mid-air, Chibi Kokichi leaping and letting the gravity of the small planet pull him the rest of the way, both of the little creatures excitedly making little instrumental bell sounds at each other. Chibi Kaito excitedly said something to Chibi Kokichi in their strange, musical little language, gesturing in the distance, asking Chibi Kokichi if he wanted to go explore the astroid belt in the distance. Chibi Kokichi seemed down for an adventure, and Chibi Kaito excitedly gave his companion a kiss on the cheek, causing the Chibi Kokichi to swoon a little, cheeks pinking. 

Chibi Kaito looked determinedly at the asteroid belt, wanting to jump between the rocks as they shot through the sky… but! He needed to thank Big Kokichi for his space, before Big Kokichi left. He could feel Big Kokichi’s mental preparation to go to sleep soon, and Chibi Kaito, even with his companion, was going to miss Big Kokichi while he was sleeping.

So, gesturing Chibi Kokichi to give him one moment, Chibi Kaito leapt off the planet, before bouncing on more of the invisible disks that formed conveniently in the atmosphere beneath their feet, half leaping/half floating to Big Kokichi. 

Chibi Kaito managed to get to Big Kokichi’s face, and with a cheeky, proud look, and a small little ‘chu’ sound, he managed to get a kiss, pecking Big Kokichi’s bottom lip-

( ˘ ³˘)♥

-before drifting backwards into space, giving him a happy wave, before kicking off another disk, returning to Chibi Kokichi. 

Taking Chibi Kokichi’s hand, the two started to leap from disk to disk, the two headed to go get a closer look at the asteroid belt.

-

Kokichi sighed softly as he started to wake up, kind of...wanting to stay in that floaty, special place between dreams. He… It was a sort of dream, him and Kaito out in the far reaches of space, exploring every little bit of the universe, something that seemed filled to the brim with wonder rather than being mostly empty space. It was the kind of dream that left you feeling satisfied and excited. 

But it was important to wake up and face reality. It was an even better adventure, really. 

...but bed was really comfy and warm…

Kokichi snuffled, trying to bury his face against Shuuichi’s shoulder. He...vaguely remembered waking up in the middle of the night, Shuuichi being upset… He hoped Kaito had been there for, yanno, genuine comfort, and not whatever Kokichi slurred in his half-asleep state. 

A small groan, before Kokichi pressed a kiss to Shuuichi’s collarbone, trying to hold him closer. 

The little press against his collarbone was what droused Shuuichi from his own sleep, the replay finally ending, Shuuichi’s head feeling foggy and confused as he tried to remember that the previous day was actually, properly over now… what did we learn, Shuuichi…

He owed Drake an apology. When he had opened the door for him getting back to class, he had stubbed Drake’s finger by accident opening the door too fast. He hadn’t realized it had happened in the moment, Drake not saying anything about it, but he noticed it after the third round through. Ooof… he had absolutely stubbed his fingers, not paying attention to the fact Drake had been trying to get the door for him. Poor guy had winced. Shuuichi had just missed it entirely. 

What else…

Sigh… Kaito had been right about a lot of things. Shuuichi had been trying to do his ‘stress test’ thing on Kaito, and had gotten alarmed and defensive when Kaito had called him out on it. Backtracking and trying to convince Kaito he was mistaken when Kaito was just plainly pointing out what Shuuichi was doing, when Shuuichi knew damn well Kaito was right, because he had been planning to do that… that was gaslighting. Even if Shuuichi was trying to help, not wanting to admit he was caught when he was? Trying to convince Kaito he was mistaken or crazy or… stupid. Trying to make him think he was wrong when Shuuichi knew he wasn’t? 

That was incredibly shitty. Shuuichi wasn’t proud of that. Kaito didn’t deserve that.

Alright. What else…

Shuuichi’s eyes opened. An extremely concerned look at the ceiling, as Kokichi nuzzled into his shoulder.

...dirty?

In the bathroom, the sound of the shower turned on, Kaito having just crawled out of bed literally a few minutes before Kokichi had woken up. Shuuichi started tapping his finger where it had been laying as he slept, tapping it idly against his stomach, as he tried to remember why that… word was so… confusing and alarming. He had observed it several times last night. Dirty. Dirty. He had looked at Kokichi and thought ‘I don’t want to touch him. I feel dirty. I’ll make him dirty’. Had gone to the window to sulk. And Kokichi, not even a minute later, had woken up and said…

“...you’re not dirty.” Shuuichi murmured. Increasingly confused. Tapping his stomach.

...where the fuck had that come from?

“Hm?”

Kokichi sleepily peeked an eye open, not even really sure Shuuichi was talking to him, but… Something told him that was important. Not to remember, but…

Yawning, he nuzzled against Shuuichi’s arm more. “Would hope so… Took a shower last night. Gon’ need to after...training though…”

“...g’mornin’,” Kokichi breathed out, shifting to try and hold Shuuichi as much as he could. It...maybe wasn’t the best time, but… Kokichi tilted his head, opening his eyes a little more. “...how are you doing? I...kinda remember you guys coming home, but…”

Shuuichi looked over to his boyfriend, leaning in and giving him a small kiss, before resting his head back against the pillow, just… looking at him.

“...you don’t remember last night?” Shuuichi asked. Still playing the memory back in his head. Dirty… had he said he was dirty aloud? No, he was certain he hadn’t… he tried not to say those thoughts out loud when they occurred to him. He knew it’d make Kokichi sad and would piss off Kaito to hell and back. Why had Kokichi said that…

“Not really…” Kokichi squished his cheek against Shuuichi’s shoulder, not really...getting the vibe that Shuuichi was upset, but...sometimes his boyfriend was really good at hiding stuff like that. “I...I remember that you were sad...so of course I always wanna listen to you and help cheer you up if I can! But…”

Kokichi breathed out a sheepish laugh. “I have no idea how coherent I was. Honestly, if you told me right now I dreamed all that, I’d probably believe you.”

“You were coherent. Surprisingly so, honestly, since you were definitely sleepwalking. You looked like you were barely standing, and your eyes weren’t really focused on anything, you lids almost entirely drooped over your pupils… you were definitely asleep. And extremely coherent.” Shuuichi mused, still analyzing the memory. “And myself and Kaito were trying to keep it down to not wake you when we came in. We were whispering… though. We were having a fight. We probably didn’t do a good job keeping our voices level.” Shuuichi admitted.

“You were very comforting… do you remember at all what you said?”

Kokichi hummed softly. “I don’t know if I’ve ever sleepwalked before...huh. Maybe this is just a level up of how much you guys say I move at night.” Well...at least he slept with one light sleeper, so Kaito would probably be able to catch him if Kokichi tried to wander away in his sleep in the future. 

Frowning a little, hearing that his partners had been fighting… Kokichi furrowed his brow, trying to think back. “I...think some stuff about how you’re the best, and I love you? I know that’s kind of a safe guess since those are things I wanna tell Shuu-chan all the time, but...I dunno. That’s...the kind of feeling I get, when I try to think about it. Shuu-chan bein’ sad and down on himself, and me just...trying to assure you about my own feelings and how I see you.”

… but how had he known Shuuichi was feeling dirty?

It was so random. That word had… burrowed itself into Shuuichi’s psyche in a way that the ex-detective would have never guessed was possible. His disgust in his own body a terrible compulsion that only got worse the worse he felt about things in general. Honestly, Shuuichi couldn’t even really remember what had started it. He knew it was… maybe something Nao had said? During the week he was with her? But he couldn’t remember what it was she had said, or the context. He just knew that once it had gotten into his head, it had lodged itself in a way that he doubted even Nao herself had ever intended it to.

The word-- really, the mantra, by the point-- had been easing up considerably in the last few months. Before last night, Shuuichi couldn’t remember the last time that awful, repulsed feeling had overwhelmed him again. He was… almost certain he had never told Kokichi or Kaito about his obsession with that particular idea. Had he?

How had Kokichi guessed what he was thinking?

The fact that Kokichi had guessed he was freaking out about Nao was less alarming. Shuuichi, after spotting her in the middle of trying to justify himself and his shitty actions to Kaito, felt like the universe couldn’t have sent him a clearer or more disturbing example of just how bad his thought process could get. It had been like a fucking punch to the gut… and, if he was being honest, just… seeing her in general, after all this time… he hadn’t been ready. He just hadn’t been. After spending all that time back in harvest agonizing over whether or not he should seek her out, knowing she had to be there somewhere… seeing her out of the blue at the garden?

He hadn’t been able to get way fast enough. He had wanted to run.

He had been terrified. 

It had been shocking, how immediately he had just felt… small again. Weak. Repulsive. It was like all of the sudden six months of progress had all just immediately gone away. He had gone from feeling relatively normal, if cranky, which was generally his normal these days, to just… god the fear… like he was just going to regress immediately. Like just the fact that she was around was going to somehow regress him back into an insane, despair-obsessed, sex-addicted junkie, too… too fucking awful and nightmarish and dirty, dirty, he was too dirty-

Shuuichi put his hand over his face. Taking a steadying breath, a sick shudder running through him…

...how had Kokichi known?

“You were very sweet, last night.” Shuuichi said again. Sighing and letting his hand fall. “... I am sorry that we woke you up though.”

Kokichi could only continue to frown as he heard Shuuichi’s breaths pick up, felt his body shivering… And...it just felt like…

Kokichi shifted, sitting up a little so he could look at Shuuichi’s face better, looking over his boyfriend in concern. Gently, he reached out to cup his cheek. “It’s not a problem… But...you didn’t say. Are you alright? If...Shuu-chan’s feeling bad about himself still… I never mind talking about it, you know? We’re partners, so I help carry some of your load, same as you do for me.”

“But if you just wanna move on with the morning, I get that too. I’m gonna be here so you don’t have to echo things in your head forever, okay?”

Kokichi’s concern prompted a warm, grateful smile from Shuuichi… Kokichi really had been incredibly kind last night. Honestly, it had just been… everything Shuuichi had really, really needed to hear. It had been so hard, to not just see Nao in himself at that moment… to see all the worst parts of himself and just decide ‘yep. That’s it. That’s me.’

“...I might want to talk about it.” Shuuichi admitted, “But maybe not first thing in the morning. You just woke up… and so did I, for that matter. I do feel a little off still, but maybe it’s something we can talk about during training or something, after we’re both awake and I get my cup of coffee for the day…”

Reaching up to gratefully overlap the hand on his cheek, genuinely appreciating the concern… Shuuichi sighed. It was incredibly strange that Kokichi had just seemed to know about the dirty thing, but… maybe his boyfriend had just made a really, really spot on guess? Out of nowhere? Half asleep? Shuuichi could try to interrogate him about it, but it wasn’t like Kokichi could really answer any questions on a conversation he didn’t remember anything about. 

Maybe he’d ruminate on it privately… write it out in his journal. Maybe see if he could figure out Kokichi’s thought process that could have led too-

Shuuichi hadn’t realized the shower had turned off till Kaito opened the bathroom door, steam leaking briefly into the room as Kaito came out in a small towel, grinning at his loves as he saw they were awake, giving them a wave. “Hey! Morning! Shuuichi, you telling Kokichi about him reading your mind last night?” Kaito laughed, heading to the closet to put on some clothes.

Kokichi nodded, relaxing into a smile. Talking wasn’t just a magic cure-all...but it really did help. And Kokichi knew how easily Shuuichi could get lost in his head, and he knew personally how easy it was, when you got like that, for your thoughts to just get darker and darker as you convinced yourself of the worst things. They didn’t need to have a whole discussion every time one of them started feeling off or bad, but just...letting the others know, and being open to accept help where it was offered…

“Sure thing. Maybe we can convince Kai-chan that we can just do stretches together today...he was open to the yoga thing…”

And speaking of their partner, Kokichi turned, the wonderful feelings of his dream returning for a moment as he smiled at Kaito, before his eyebrows raised. “...reading your mind?”

Shuuichi frowned, “Well, no… not really…”

“It was crazy, babe! You were on point last night!” Kaito called out from the closet cheerfully, taking off his towel to dry himself off the last few drips, before grabbing some clothes from the hangers, letting the towel tall to the floor as he started mixing and matching for the day, trying to decide which outfit he was going to wear. Which, specifically, workout outfit was he going to wear for the morning workout routine… you couldn’t just throw anything on! It had to match! And look good! And vibe with the day! 

Deciding on some dark gray sweatpants with, just, a gorgeous light gray hoodie with these light, white-ish clouds dapped neatly into the fabric, Kaito took the outfit out of the closet and put it on the bed, before going to the dresser to grab himself some underwear and an undershirt to keep him warm. “You were amazing Kokichi! You just knew exactly what to say! You just crawled out of bed with this glossed over look on your face and just, like… completely summarized how Shuuichi was feeling and stuff, while I’m just standing there wondering what the heck was even going on… it was incredible! I just don’t get how you always manage to pull that off!”

Kokichi’s eyebrows remained raised as he listened, looking between Kaito and Shuuichi. Shuuichi had said he was sweet, and Kokichi had known he was sad, but… “Did I really? I mean...people have always said I’m kinda empathetic, but...I don’t think it’s anything that potent…”

He pouted a little, feeling...uncomfortable, for some reason, with what Kaito was insinuating. “And...I do make guesses sometimes, if people are upset, to try and get to the root of what’s goin’ on but… Is it really that noteworthy?”

Getting his underwear and undershirt on, Kaito chuckled, heading over to the bed, sitting down and, grinning at Kokichi, leaned down and gave him a quick peck before saying, “Trust me, yes. I don’t think me and Shuuichi were in the room for thirty seconds before you figured out exactly what was going on and exactly what to say to diffuse it. I’ve seen you do stuff a little like that before, but man, last night was on another level. It was really cool.”

Shuuichi sat up, leaning against the headboard, reaching up to brush his hair somewhat fruitlessly out of his eyes as he said, “...it really was really quick, wasn’t it. You figured out what was wrong immediately…”

Kaito looked up at Shuuichi’s confused, concerned look… before rolling his eyes, leaning further forward and reaching forward to grab Shuuichi’s arm, pulling him in and kissing him, this time not a peck, tasting at his boyfriend, breathing him in and lingering… before breaking the kiss and, with another peck, saying, “Don’t be jealous, Shuuichi, Kokichi’s observant too. And you’re not as hard to read as you think you are. Besides…” Kaito grinned, kissing Shuuichi on his cheek now, sighing, “I’m grateful he noticed all that. I really was lost as to where your head was at… I had no idea you were talking about Nao. It would have never occurred to me you were talking about Nao. Or… being ‘like her’. Fuck, handsome…”

Sighing, Kaito got back up to go put the rest of his clothes on, as Shuuichi considered this…. Before admitting, looking sheepishly at Kokichi, “I guess you and I do talk about her more me and Kaito do… it would make sense you’d realize when I’m thinking about her.”

“Yeah, cause she’s not worth thinking about.” Kaito muttered. A dark look crossing over his face.

Thirty seconds? Honestly… It reminded Kokichi a little of what people said he did as a kid, when people had come to attack him. How there wasn’t any hesitation before he reached out and tried to offer help to the people who’d come there to kill him. Taken so literally...it was kind of creepy. 

...he was happy that Kaito thought it was cool instead. 

As Kaito moved on to kiss Shuuichi, Kokichi took it as a sign to start getting up. He shimmied out of bed, grateful--...why?--that his face was obscured for a moment. ...it had been about Nao? ...if Shuuichi was feeling bad about himself then...yeah. That was a pretty significant root of it. 

Kokichi...couldn’t quite keep the hurt expression off his face--as angry as he was at Nao, his feelings were...complicated--as he started heading to the closet to pick out some workout clothes, but he paused to offer Shuuichi a small smile. “I don’t really remember what I was thinking last night...but I’m glad I was able to pick up on Shuu-chan’s clues. Shuu-chan should know he’s never alone, and he can rely on us.”

Shuuichi really couldn’t… explain the ‘dirty’ thing yet. Maybe it was something he’d ask Kokichi during yoga. It probably didn’t matter one way or another, it just… bothered Shuuichi that he couldn’t understand where Kokichi had come up with that. It had been too on point with almost no clues to what Shuuichi was thinking… how had Kokichi done it?

Kaito, though, who had slept well last night and woke up in a considerably better mood than when he had gone to bed, finished pulling on his hoodie before reached forward and swooping Kokichi up, spinning around with him in his arms for a moment before kissing him, saying cheerfully, “You were usual, sweet, considerate self last night. And super cute. And hot! Sleep-walking, wisdom spouting Kokichi was super sexy! Made me go to bed all hot and bothered!” Kaito admitted, grinning wolfishly at his husband.

Shuuichi finally crawled out of bed himself, resigning himself to being, ya know… actually up. Giving Kaito a wary look, he thought about asking if Kaito was still mad at him… was this a sincere performance? Was he actually in this good a mood? Or was he putting on a front to make up for how tense things had been last night? Shuuichi just couldn’t tell…

Gah. Kaito had always been hard to read, in certain situations, growing up, but it was only recently that Shuuichi realized just how always uncertain he was about how Kaito was feeling. It was Maki leaving that was leaving him feeling so uncertain. Sure, she wasn’t all knowing about Kaito-thinking either, but between the two of them? They usually had a good grip on the sometimes volatile Luminary Prince. He was easier to manage with her around. Now? Shuuichi just found himself worrying he was gonna… mishandle him. Send Kaito into one of his shrine spirals or miss some opportunity to help with his conditioning or-

...gah! Why did he think like this?! This was the sort of thinking that Kato literally just accused him of having that Shuchi had denied! Kaito wasn’t something to be ‘managed’! He wasn’t a pet! He’s not stupid! Stop it! 

Shuuichi twitched. Just internally yelling at himself. Kaito put Kokichi down and frowned at his boyfriend, “Shuuichi, handsome, come on. Trainings gonna be fine! Put some clothes on, let’s get the day started!”

Kokichi squeaked into a bout of giggles as Kaito swept him up into the air, rolling his eyes a bit at the fact that, of course Kaito found it hot. Kokichi knew Kaito enough to know that his attraction was genuine, but also...that was just the way Kaito assured people when they were feeling insecure. You’re sensitive about something? You should show it off ‘cause it’s really sexy! 

Not always the kind of thing that people needed to hear, but Kokichi was happy to hear it now. 

Trying to shake a little of the momentary dizziness off from being spun around in the air, Kokichi went over to Shuuichi, gently putting his hands around his boyfriend’s. Shuuichi had that trademark overthinking-in-a-bad-way sort of look on. “Let’s get ready and wake up, then we can talk it all out, alright? It’s okay.”

Shuuichi’s face tensed at this, clearly his mind racing even faster, waaaay overthinking on the points that he was already overthinking about and on top of that feeling bad because he was worrying Kokichi and maybe Kaito was more sane than Shuuichi was giving him credit for and oh fuck did he think Kaito was insane??? When did that happen??? He was the worst friend and the worst boyfriend and he needed Maki to come back and help him get a grip on all this again and how had Kokichi known about the dirty thing and-

Shuuichi squeezed Kokichi’s hands lightly and just… took a deep breath… before giving Kokichi a somewhat shaky smile. “Sure. Thanks.”

Shuuichi got dressed.

-

Kaito had looked a little skeptical about the yoga idea, but only because he kept giving Shuuichi a look of ‘You’re going to actually follow Kochi’s lead? You’re not going to just sit out on training, right? Shuuichi, you need the exercise, it’s good for you…’ but eventually he had conceded.

Besides, it allowed Kaito to try a different sort of training for the kids, that he had been considering for a bit now.

“Alright, everyone line up... Chase? Sit girl!”

The puppy panted, having been running laps with the kids before this. Staring blankly at Kaito, not even kind of moving to sit. Kaito twitched, before glancing at Tim, who made a small down motion with his fingers. Chase immediately sat down. Honestly, the insubordination…

“Okay! Prince Kokichi and Mr. Saihara are going to be doing yoga this morning, so the four-”

“Five!” Kimiko called out cheerfully.

“The five of us will be practicing something new! ...wrestling!”

“Yes! Yes! Wrestling!!!” Cali shouted out, jumping in place, “I wanna suplex someone!!”

Tim raised an eyebrow. “...wrestling? Why? Wrestling is stupid. You should just stab people.”

“Mmmm, maybe in a real fight. But if you’re just trying to stop someone moving? Being able to pin them one on one is a great skill to have! Besides, I looked it up, and schools around here have wrestling teams! So, if you guys like it? You could actually test those skills on other kids! That’s exciting, right?” Kaito grinned, before admitting, “Now, I only know the basics of wrestling, so if you do end up liking it and want further instruction, we’ll have to find you more advanced instructors. But, either way, you gotta walk before you run! So, I’ll spend the next few weeks teaching you everything I was ever taught!”

“You were a wrestler in school, Mr. Kaito?” Kimiko asked.

“Nope! Alright! Let’s start with our stances! Step onto your mats.”

On the other side of the mirror room-- it was still a little too cold outside to do these trainings without some specific outside purpose-- Shuuichi and Kokichi sat on their own mats, Shuuichi ready to mimic Kokichi as they listened in on this. “Which kid do you think is gonna end up way too aggressive for this one?” Shuuichi asked Kokichi, giving the group an amused look. “I mean, I know the easy money is Cali…”

Even though a lot of yoga itself was stretching, even before his sessions with Cedar, just from peeking in on other classes in the castle over the years, Kokichi knew that it was important to stretch before going through forms and poses. So, to start, Kokichi was just taking the lead in stretching out his neck, figuring that Shuuichi could copy from sight while they talked. 

“It probably will be Cali, but Kimiko’s really good at tumbling… I can see her just starting to go for feints and using her opponent’s weight against them, instead of using force. I dunno if that’ll count as being overly aggressive, but I can see others getting frustrated when they can’t seem to win,” Kokichi mused, snickering quietly as he looked over at the kids with a last stretch of his neck, before moving onto his arms. “There’s an entire martial art that works that way, actually...I know more than a few guards know at least the basics, since it’s really good for disarming people.”

It was always fun to see how the kids were doing, take bets about how they’d approach whatever new things they were doing...but Kokichi didn’t want to get too derailed. Let Shuuichi convince himself that whatever was on his mind wasn’t worth talking about. 

Leaning side to side, Kokichi looked back at his boyfriend. “...so...I didn’t bring it up before, but… I can’t really tell if you’re thinking on the same stuff you were thinking about last night, or if there was something more to it that was bothering you. So...what’s going on in Shuu-chan land?”

Shuuichi did his best to follow Kokichi’s movements, only wincing a little as his upper back muscles protested the neck stretch. Probably a good sign that he needed to stretch at all, really. 

“... your Shuuichi thinks too much. A lot of things are bothering me.” Shuuichi admitted with a sigh, looking annoyed with himself. “Honestly, a part of me thinks right now it’s just hormones making everything seem crazy again… or maybe it’s not and I have legitimate concerns? I don’t know. How are you supposed to know?”

“... I guess talking it out would at least let me get an outside perspective. Maybe you can tell me if I’m crazy or not.” Shuuichi sighed.

“...I saw Nao last night… I think.” Shuuichi frowned. An uncomfortable tension in him as he admitted, “I’m certain it was her… but it might not have been. I just saw a shadow in the dark, really. It looked so much like her. I was certain… but, looking back over it last night, I realized all I really saw was a silhouette of someone around her build with her hair up like she likes to do it… I have no idea really if it was her.”

“And, maybe I was so convinced I saw her because… I was feeling kinda shitty about myself last night. I did something not super nice to Kaito, and… he called me out on it and I was trying to defend myself and ended up just making it worse… it wasn’t my proudest moment.”

Sometimes the line between what was in your head and what was a real-world concern was very...vague. There were probably things you could do to get better at figuring it all out, but talking with others was a wonderful way to figure it out no matter where your head was. Kokichi nodded encouragingly as he stretched out his legs, willing to help Shuuichi out with that part if he needed it. 

He looked over in surprise and...a bit of worry, hearing that Shuuichi might’ve run into Nao, but...well, the immediate panic was last night. It was over. And since it didn’t sound like she’d done anything, or even noticed Shuuichi and Kaito, there was really no way to tell if Shuuichi had seen her, or had seen someone similar enough to spook him, especially considering where his head was. 

Sighing, Kokichi chewed on his lip a little, not sure what poses to do that didn’t involve bending over. “...it’s difficult to just accept being called out. I’m sure most people would like to say that they can just...admit whenever they’re wrong, can take criticism, but...in the moment? It’s really hard not to bolster your defences and double-down, even if you know you’re wrong. It’s not a unique reaction...it’s not something that ties you to her, if that’s what you were feeling.”

“No, I mean… no. Nao was a lot of things, but she wasn’t defensive.” 

Shuuichi said this quietly, glancing nervously at Kaito, not wanting to risk him overhearing him say anything that had even a passing imitation of a compliment towards Nao. Following Kokichi’s arm stretches towards the sky, feeling his lower back pop a little, he said, “I… I’ve just noticed that sometimes how I think towards Kaito… towards a lot of people really, is kinda… manipulative? I mean, I’m not unself-aware, I know I’m manipulative, but… this isn’t playfully teasing or trying to get out of training, or just getting out of saying what I really mean to people. Hell, it’s not even trying to pull information out of him, not really… though that doesn’t feel super good either…”

Leaning to the side as much as his body would allow, still keeping his arms up, Shuuichi said, “I’m starting to realize I kinda treat Kaito like he’s… sort of stupid. Which he’s not, I know he’s not. I’ve known him my whole life, basically, I know damn well that’s he’s quick thinking and adaptive and can lie to a room full of officials with a grin, totally at ease… it’s only with certain people that he can’t seem to control what he says and he gets all… squirmy and blank.”

“But I think lately I’ve just been defaulting to thinking of him like he is with Byakuya? Which isn’t fair… but even worse than that, is that not only do I think of him like that, but then I get mad at him for it. Like, like… I’m just gonna project a bunch of shitty qualities onto him, and then blame him for those shitty qualities!? What!? What is wrong with me!?”

Everyone on the other side of the room glanced over to the yoga side, Timothy sitting on a squirming, fighting Cali while Kimiko cheered and Kaito tried to guide Cali on how to break the hold. Kaito frowned, before turning back to the kids, “Don’t worry about them, they’re just having grown-up yoga talk.”

“Yoga involves lamentful screaming?” Kimko asked.

“Lamentful? Great word, Kimiko! Good job! High five!”

Well...yeah, that was true. Shuuichi was kind of manipulative. Usually not to any sort of malicious end, or because he just liked to play with people. Half the time it was just defensive, and even when Shuuichi wanted information it wasn’t him...playing around with people for the hell of it, thinking they were idiots he was gonna squeeze every last drop out of. It was for an end, and more like...Shuuichi was just pushing for anything he could get away with. 

Still sometimes not Kokichi’s favorite, but it was something he’d accepted about his boyfriend. 

Just...when paired with that sort of perception…

Kokichi frowned a bit, coming over to help Shuuichi with his stretch, taking the moment to place a kiss on his head while Kaito took care of the kids. “Nothing is wrong with you.”

He squeezed Shuuichi’s shoulders, rubbing them for a moment. “It is shitty to do that to Kai-chan, but...nothing’s wrong with you. You’ve recognized the behavior, and now you just need some help sorting it out.”

“...I’m not a therapist but…” Kokichi sighed, going back to his own mat. “...do you have an idea of when you started thinking about him like that? Like...if it was when you all came over here, and Kai-chan and I were really awkward around each other?”

Shuuichi leaned into the help, sighing as he muttered, “I don’t even make any sense… sorry. I know this is all confusing.”

Considering Kokichi’s question… Shuuichi admitted, “It maybe started with that. Or, at the very least, that’s the first I can really remember noticing I’ve been doing that… but honestly, I wonder if this has been a problem for me longer than this and it’s just…”

Shuuichi put out one leg, trying to lean over it. He didn’t get very far, but he tried. 

“...I mean, we grew up together. We spent, when we could, most of our time together. But, honestly… being in a relationship with him now? Kaito just… not having much else to do other then look after us, and let’s be honest, I’ve only just started having other things to do myself…” Shuuichi sighed. Looking exhausted, “Maybe it’s just because we spend so much time together now... or maybe it’s the circumstances making me unkind… or maybe it’s a little bit of everything. I don’t know. I just know that if it’s getting bad enough that Kaito’s willing to call me out on it, then it’s getting bad…”

“Or, even worse, whatever’s going on with Kaito has only just made him willing to call me out on it, and I was this bad the whole time.” Shuuichi grumbled. “Which means I’ve been this much of a jerk the whole time… I don’t make you feel stupid sometimes, do I, Kokichi? Or… do I manipulate you? Is me even asking that manipulative…”

Kokichi nodded a bit, listening to Shuuichi try to explain this out for the both of them. “Trying to pinpoint a time was...maybe not the best question. In general, I think it might be, but we’ve...really been facing so many external changes in such a short amount of time that looking for variables that way is...tough. There are too many things to account for.”

Switching legs, Kokichi gave Shuuichi a soft look. “You don’t make me feel dumb. You get me out of my head, or help me keep things in perspective, but you’ve never made me feel bad about it, or have done so for the purpose of belittling my intelligence. And...I’m not around you guys all the time, but I’ve never seen you do that to Kai-chan either.”

“As for manipulation…” It was...tricky, but Kokichi was determined to be some help with Shuuichi, and have an open, honest conversation. “You’re asking not just to hear a no, so asking isn’t manipulative--you genuinely want to know. And...I think to a point, people involved with each other are going to manipulate each other in some ways… But I’ve never felt used by you, or like you’re talking around me with some information I don’t know. ...oh, don’t do this, but I want a little extra stretch.”

He could feel a little extra stiffness in his thighs that he could totally get out. Carefully, Kokichi stretched out both his legs so he was in a soft version of the splits, holding the pose for a few moments until he felt his thighs burning. 

“...I think the best way to know how long you’ve been doing it is to just ask Kai-chan. He might wanna say you haven’t, ‘cause Kai-chan likes to spare people’s feelings, but if we try to have a serious, honest conversation about it, I think it would be good for you guys to talk about. And he might have a better perspective about when you started to treat him differently.”

Kokichi tipped his torso forward onto the ground, stretching his arms out in front of him for a moment before he got back into position to continue with poses Shuuichi could do too. 

“I know… a lot of my issues are me just trying to… read his mind, essentially. Without having to actually ask him anything. That’s probably a good summary of most of my issues with people. Though, last night was a good sign that we can’t really have that conversation without blowing up at each other.” Shuuichi sighed, stretching out is their leg now, trying to pull his ankle back a bit, “... now that I know that therapy is mostly just… talking to each other, and not conditioning? Honestly, the relationship therapy thing will at least trap us in a table together. Make us talk to each other without either of us making a break for it.”

On the other side, Kimiko was giggling incessantly, once again dodging Timothy’s lunge as Kaito said to him, “Don’t follow her eyes, kid, her eyes are lying to you. She knows you’re following her eyes and using it against you, come on now! Ooof.” Kaito winced, as Timothy lunged again, Kimiko dancing around him and him landing face first into the ground again. 

“Come on, Tim, get back up! Get ‘er! Kill her!”

“Awwww, not me kill him, Cali?”

“No, no, no, you kill him too! Kill each other!”

“Can we not encourage each other to kill each other? I feel like your parents are going to ask me some questions if you make that a habit…”

“...speaking of ‘reading minds’, Kaito was joking, but it really was uncanny, last night Kokichi. I know you don’t really remember our conversation last night, but…” Shuuichi frowned, looking at him, “...have we ever talked about… um…” Shuuichi tensed up. Face paling. “...um…”

...it was uncomfortable to talk about… there was a reason he didn’t talk about this…

Well… Kokichi was happy that Shuuichi seemed open to therapy now, even if hearing that him and Kaito had tried to talk about this and...it hadn’t gone well made him kind of sad… But that was the reason for relationship counseling. Not just for bringing up things you couldn’t see, but for making it easier to talk about the things you knew, but could never get through. And now knowing that this was one of those things...it was something they could bring up. 

In some ways, having a list of things to bring up was invaluable in therapy. 

Some stuff, though, Kokichi still wanted to make an effort to talk through naturally. Tilting his head to the side, Kokichi didn’t...really know what Shuuichi was getting at specifically, but seeing how difficult it was for him…

“...I hope we can talk about it sometime, since I’d like to give my shot at answering your questions...but Shuu-chan doesn’t have to say it if it hurts too much. It can be really freeing, but ending half your conversations in tears takes a lot out of ya…” Kokichi offered his boyfriend a kind, partially joking smile before moving onto the next pose. 

“...we’ve talked about a lot of stuff, Shuu-chan. About…” he glanced over at Kaito, lowering his voice a little more. “...about Nao, and anxiety, and suicide, and self-hatred, and...a lot of stuff that can be overwhelming in how...hopeless it all feels sometimes. I think it’s good to share that kind of stuff, because...even if there’s no answer, it makes me feel less alone...like I’m not the only person who’s felt like this. That I’m not...defective, or something.”

“...so if I said something that seemed like I was just...reading your mind? There’s a good chance it’s something we’ve talked about before, and in whatever weird-ass sleep-walking, comforting fugue I was in, maybe I made the connection between how you were feeling, and the last time we might’ve talked about it.” Kokichi shrugged a little before fixing his shoulders in the pose. “That’s real vague, but without knowing what it was, that’s my best guess.”

Shuuichi hesitated… before laughing at himself slightly. Relaxing as he realized he wasn’t going to explain the ‘dirty’ thing, not yet, anyway. It was too uncomfortable, and, frankly… Kokichi’s explanation made sense. Maybe if they hadn’t talked about it specifically, Shuuichi had still probably used the word in one of their past conversations. Maybe even a few, he didn’t know… but, yeah. Kokichi’s probably heard him use it before, and knew how much that thought hurt him.

“That makes sense… sorry, I know, I’m paranoid and weird about that sort of thing. I don’t even know what I was trying to work out, if I’m totally honest. I was just shocked at how accurate your guess was, but… I do talk to you more about stuff like that then I do anyone else, really. It makes sense.”

“Thanks Kokichi. I’m sorry I’ve been so weird and confusing lately. If it makes you feel any better, I’m not a big fan of it either.” Shuuichi sighed, rolling his eyes. “I’m trying to calm down lately about… everything. But it’s a work in progress, and sometimes it takes me a while to even realize when my thoughts don’t make sense, or I’m reacting to things in a weird way… I don’t know. I suppose I have a lot of thinking to do.”

Kokichi offered another smile, this one more blatantly affectionate before he shifted onto his back for some lying down poses. “It makes me happy that you feel comfortable enough to talk to me about this kind of stuff. Like I said...I take some of your load, because you take some of mine.”

“...lately…” He sighed softly. “I know I still have a lot of work to do, and, honestly, people never stop growing. There will always be merit in being mindful about yourself. But lately...I’ve been happy seeing how far I’ve come. Noticing differences in myself… But I’ve only gotten even this far because you guys have been here for me. Have seen my tears and heard my sobs and have braved me saying some...really hurtful things. But you stuck by me, and were always trying to help...because you care about me.”

“I care so much about you, Shuu-chan. When I say that I love you...it means that you’re someone I care so much about, I want to continue caring for the rest of my life. That I want to be there for every second, and be there to cheer you on as you grow. And, when I can, lend a hand. So...you’re welcome, I guess I’m saying. It really is my pleasure.”

“And for the record...I’m really proud of you. Of how far you’ve come, and that willingness to keep looking at yourself.” Kokichi grinned up at the ceiling, his smile apparent in his voice. “There’s really no one better I could’ve chosen to ask out, you know?”

Shuuichi laughed lightly at that, looking fondly at Kokichi. “I’m pretty happy you asked me out too… I still can’t believe it all, sometimes. My life’s some sort of weird, trashy, romance novel fairytale… I literally got swept off my feet by two princes’, one who was also a childhood best friend, the other probably one of the prettiest people I’ve ever met in my life, and super sweet and intelligent and considerate? Awful. Terrible book. 0/10, couldn’t suspend my belief through it.”

“It even had adventure and villains…” Shuuichi wasn’t even trying to pretend to stretch anymore, just looking down at his hands a moment, before saying, “Do you think she’s doing okay?”

Kokichi laughed softly, completely in agreeance about just how absurd their lives were sometimes. Though, about Shuuichi being asked out by him and Kaito? Completely foregone conclusion. 

Though Kokichi had to cover his face for a moment, squirming in flattered embarrassment. He couldn’t even twist it and joke about all those all too sweet things being about Kaito, way too tongue-tied to try. 

But...he did calm enough, that ache in his heart flaring again. Kokichi kept his hands over his face for a moment, a quiet pause. “...I don’t know. I’d like to think she’s learned her lesson, is trying to atone… Working on being a...a better person…” ...one he knew she could be. 

Kokichi sucked in a breath, sitting back up as he gave Shuuichi a sad smile. “...I know it’s worse for you, but...I don’t really like thinking about her either… At least...thus so far.”

Shuuichi winced… before nodding. “Sorry.” He murmured.

Shuuichi played with his leg pants… clearly debating saying something. But he gave Kokichi another slightly guilty look, before deciding against it. Instead, he said, “I think that’s as much stretching as I can handle this morning. I might head back to the room, take a shower. Help me up?”

“You don’t have to avoid talking about her,” Kokichi shook his head. “You’ve done nothing to apologize for. That’s...just how I feel right now.”

Nodding, Kokichi got up from his mat and went over to help Shuuichi onto his feet. Kaito might fuss a little, but the closer he got to his due date, the more lenience Kokichi thought Shuuichi deserved. The guy was pretty much doing weight-training 24/7, he could leave training early now and then. 

Kokichi popped onto his toes, coming in to kiss Shuuichi’s cheek. “If you end up heading out before we come back, have a good day at class. I’ll see you this afternoon. Maybe we can stop somewhere and get pastries to eat before we get home and Kai-chan gets all sigh-y about us ruining our appetites.”

Shuuichi leaned into the kiss, “Agreed.”

-

When Shuuichi went back to the room without the others, he didn’t go directly to take a shower.

First he fetched a shoebox out of his drawer of clothes. Inside the box were several already concealed letters, all of them addressed to Miss Kirigiri… but some of those addresses were lies. 

Shuuichi actually found the ‘writing letters you don’t send’ thing to be surprisingly helpful already, in the little while he had done it. But… he didn’t always just want to send letter to Miss Kirigiri, even though he always addressed them to her. Just in case… well, honestly. Just in case Kaito looked in the box.

Sighing, taking out some paper, and a new, blank envelope, Shuuichi started writing out, Dear Nao.

Shuuichi hesitated, glancing nervously at the door… before re-writing the letter he’s basically written to her twice now already.

I was talking about you with Kokichi. Don’t worry, Kaito didn’t hear, he’s not coming after you. Not that you would worry about that. You were really brave. I think. I think you were brave. I’m not sure anymore. 

The memories of that week make less and less sense every day. I don’t really understand what happened, anymore. The farther I am from that Shuuichi, the less sense his mind makes to me now. Everything feels like it happened too fast and all at once. It’s like all of my memories are morphed. Like I was looking through a fun-house mirror the whole time.

Was it my fault?

Did I ruin both our lives?

Sometimes I think I made you do it. Maybe I should apologize to you. I think about it all the time. Maybe just… writing you an apology or… it’d upset Kaito. Kaito would be so upset. It might make everything worse, if I apologize. I ruined your life. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do it.

I don’t really know you at all. 

Shuuichi frowned. Frustrated. This had been his problem since last night. His thoughts kept just… going off topic. Saying one thing and then immediately contradicting it. He wasn’t sure what he was actually trying to say. 

...maybe you aren’t brave and I just remember you like that because I was scared of you. I don’t really know you. I thought for a while that I wanted too, but I think I saw you last night, and all I could do was run. And that felt bad. I didn’t want to be scared of you. I don’t want to be the kind of person who's afraid of people. I literally hid against Kaito and closed my eyes and just hoped you’d go away.

I wish I had wanted to yell at you instead.

Or that I saw you and realized despite everything that I did want to apologize to you, and was brave and did it, even though Kaito was there.

I don’t know what I want.

I hope everything is going well. Say hello to Yasu for me. 

I hate you and I hope you’re suffering. Tell Yasu to go fuck herself.

Sincerely, Shuuichi.

Sighing, Shuuichi took the empty envelope, put the letter in, sealed it up, labeled it to Miss Kirigiri, and put it in the box, before going to take a shower.

-

Despite the odd morning continuing on from the odd night, the rest of the day was pretty peaceful. Kokichi ended up joining in on the wrestling lesson, though his only opponent was Kaito, and at times Kaito got this look on his face that… Well, Kimiko had been very sweet, asking if he needed to tap out since he was looking a little red. 

After that, those of them who wanted to wash up did so, and they all changed before going to breakfast, Shuuichi joining back in before Kaito took him and the kids to their respective schools. Kokichi went to the office and, for the first time in a little bit, chatted with Nadya beyond regular hellos, how are you doings. He mentioned that Shuuichi had been interested in trying to keep up contact though he wasn’t working, and Nadya had gotten excited in her usual, polite way, declaring that continuing what might’ve been a burgeoning friendship was definitely something she was interested in. 

Still, they did have quite a lot of work to get through, and the two administrators buckled down. 

Kokichi had therapy that afternoon, and...he started out talking about the talk he and Shuuichi had had that morning, but after not too long it turned into Kokichi talking about his own feelings when it came to Nao. Haltingly repeating a conversation he didn’t remember having before, and coming to the same conclusion, more or less. People changed, and things got better. Things might not ever be the same between them, but if they were both willing, once Kokichi felt okay enough to reach out, then maybe there was still some reconciliation to be had. If not, sometimes people did just end up leaving your life through their deeds more than physically taking themselves away, and that was okay too. Mourning who a person once was to you happened, and in some cases was a necessary step to move on. 

Feeling a little muted, but better, Kokichi met up with Shuuichi after his classes, giving a wave to Drake who seemed a little surprise the prince would still acknowledge him when he wasn’t hanging out with Shuuichi, but he returned the wave with a shy smile nonetheless. As planned, they headed towards a pastry shop, snickering to each other about “forbidden treats” as they ate, being each other’s mirror to make sure they didn’t have powdered sugar or chocolate smears around their mouths when they returned to the castle. 

Kokichi left Shuuichi to homework when they got back, and settled down with the notebook Shuuichi had gotten him for Unity, making a few idle idea sketches before working on a more full piece. One that he’d likely finish at a later date, since once Kaito returned he was quite distracted. 

Just...a normal, nice day. 

Still, Kokichi couldn’t find it in himself to be utterly shocked with where he ended up that night.

Shuuichi told himself he was going to tell Kaito on the way to school, after dropping off the kids, because worst came to absolute worst he’d be late or not go to class, or, or, shamefully, he could use having to get to class as a way to escape the potentially awful, angry conversation.

He didn’t.

Shuuichi told himself he was going to tell Kokichi at the pastry shop. When he was happy and full of sugar and maybe it wouldn’t be as alarming or scary or hurt so bad.

He didn’t.

Shuuichi told himself he’d tell both of them when he got back after dinner, having taken some time to study and do some homework in the library. He had prepared in his head what he was going to say. The whole speech. How he was going to do his best to not make this their problem. That they didn’t owe Aba or her baby anything and they could leave it to Shuuichi and Maki. How this didn’t have to be a scary, impending, awful thing they had to deal with.

But, uh… he got back and… they were both a little indisposed. And then Kaito still wasn’t tired and Shuuichi suddenly found himself indisposed, and, well… 

It just didn’t come up after that.

And even curled into Kaito’s arms, hearing his content, even breathing, the red head falling asleep, in the extremely rare position where, just by chance with what they were doing, Kaito had actually managed to get the coveted middle spot, Kokichi asleep curled in his other arm, head on his shoulder… looking at both of them sleeping and happy and okay…

...he’d tell them. He’d tell them… at some point, he’d tell them, he swore it he’d-

Shuuichi closed his eyes, and something incredibly strange happened.

He closed his eyes and he didn’t re-start the day.

Shuchi didn’t know he was dreaming, but even his dream self was entirely confused and baffled, every part of his being knowing that this was wrong. Something was wrong. This didn’t happen. This wasn’t how things went… but his dream self not being able to cement down into place why it was wrong. He was just... confused and afraid. Not where he was supposed to be. Why wasn’t he re-looping the day? Where the fuck was he? What was happening!?

Having one of the few rare dreams of his entire life, Shuuichi immediately started trembling, looking around nervously as his ‘body’ started going through the motions.

He was in a nursery. That was pretty obvious. It was a baby’s nursery, and it wasn’t fair, because he was still so damn pregnant. And it hurt being pregnant. It hurt to move, and he was so slow, like molasses. Every step was a labor, which was hard enough.

But all the furniture, the room, everything was too damn big. He found himself looking up, up, up at the crib, and just thought ‘How the fuck am I going to get it in there!?’

He had too, though. The baby in his arms was tired and cranky and needed their sleep. He had to get the baby in the crip or he was a bad person and a bad parent and a bad everything. Also, he should hurry, because the thing in his arms was literally made of sludge, and he was vaguely worried if he didn’t get the blanket wrapped pile of sludge in his arms in the crib soon, it was all gonna fall out of his hands and onto the floor and then how was he going to get it bundled up again and ready to sleep!? 

The bundle of sludge began to cry, and Shuuichi nervously whispered, “Shhh, shh, it’s okay, I’ll figure this out…”

Shin’s mind had been his waking mind, so...as far as Kokichi knew? He’d never seen someone’s nightmare before. There was a pervasive mood pressing in all around him, worry and strain and...almost panic here. At first, Kokichi thought this was Shuuichi being nervous about parenthood in general, but...somehow Shuuichi looked even more pregnant than he already was. 

Kokichi took a breath. Smoothing away the frown on his face. For a nightmare...make it less scary. Seeing someone else scared just made you more scared. 

Walking forward with a soft smile, Kokichi put his arms around Shuuichi, helping support his back a bit. “Putting the baby to bed? Let me help, alright?” 

...seeing a pile of sludge in a baby blanket was...disturbing, but Kokichi still smiled down at it, keeping his voice soothing. “It’s alright… Bedtime’s soon, then you can relax.”

Shuuichi jumped, looking guiltily at Kokichi, almost trying to hide the sludge against himself as he took a step back, the sludge crying even harder as Shuuichi said, “Kokichi! Oh! I…” he glanced at the giant door, the knob of which was far too impossibly big and high up to reach, “...didn’t hear you come in. Um…”

Glancing worriedly down at the sludge-- he knew you were supposed to bunce fussy babies, according to the books, but what if that sprayed the sludge around and made it worse??-- he looked up at the crib and, voice tight, confessed, “I… I don’t know how to get up there.”

Kokichi nodded in understanding, reaching over to gently stroke what he assumed was the baby’s head. “You have something important to be focused on. You’re capable, but remember, Kai-chan and I are here too. If you need a hand, we’re more than happy to lend both of ours. Children are important, after all,” he cooed at the sludge. “You’re worth everything we can give.”

Looking up at the monolith crib, Kokichi nodded slowly. He could...create something, but… In someone else’s mind, beyond just talking to them, he didn’t want to interfere too much. Perhaps being there in the first place already was a huge breach of privacy, but...if he was pulled there, then he was going to help. 

...and this was his boyfriend, so excuse him for wanting even more to help.

Giving Shuuichi a grin, Kokichi still managed to keep his voice even for the sludge-baby’s sake. “Did we leave my step-stool in here? I swear, for being baby-sized they really make these cribs too tall… How am I supposed to check in on the kids if I can’t reach over the side? Lemme see where I put it…”

Shuuichi gave Kokichi a confused look, before… oh. Right. Of course. A stool. That made sense. Of course they’d have a stool. The crib was too big for Kaito, let alone Shuuichi and Kokichi. Where did they…

Shuuichi sighed in relief, “I see it. It’s under the crib. Of course it is… would you mind pulling it out Kokichi?”

As his boyfriend pulled out the stool, the stool began to elongate, getting taller and taller, shifting so that every inch it went slightly forward, until it was a long staircase up to the top of the crib. Which was great! A way up! 

...ugh. Shuuichi looked miserably at those stairs… then down at the sleepy sludge baby…

...well. Better get climbing. Shuuichi sighed, readjusting the sludge in his arms, which at least wasn’t crying as hard now, before starting the slow process of climbing up the stairs.

Kokichi was relieved, though he didn’t let it show. Dreams meant dream logic, of course, but he wasn’t sure just how accepting Shuuichi would be of outside suggestion. So far...it seemed that reasonable suggestions worked, if Kokichi left Shuuichi the space to create it. 

Of course, that meant that the creation came from Shuuichi’s mind… Kokichi didn’t look any happier about the stairs, but...if that was the solution, then that’s what they were working with. 

Joining his boyfriend, Kokichi kept a steady hand on his back, trying to make the trek a little easier. “...I know you can, but I can put the baby to bed, if you want to rest,” Kokichi gently suggested despite resigning them to the stairs. If nothing else, maybe only one of them had to do it, and the person not incredibly pregnant was probably the better choice. “I’m sure Miya’s been keeping you up lately.”

Shuuichi stilled at that, having gotten a quarter of the way up with Kokichi’s help but…

...he held the sludge baby closer and murmured quietly, shaking off Kokichi’s hand, “I-it’s okay, you don’t have to help… it’s not your responsibility. I can do this. I-I said I could do this, so I can…”

He took another few steps. One after another. God, it was so slow… his body hurt… looking miserably up at the rest of the staircase, he gave a frustrated, fed up sound, and just turned around, sitting down the stairs. The baby screamed louder. Shuuichi glared resentfully at the kid… but sighed. That wasn’t fair… “Shhhh, shhh, it’s okay, I’m sorry, I’ll start walking again soon, I’m sorry.” He whispered to it, gently trying to bounce it.

Then, glancing nervously at Kokichi, he whispered, “It’s not Miya. I really, really hope Miya’s prettier than this… thing.”

Kokichi frowned slightly but dropped his hand, though he remained in-step with Shuuichi. “It may not be my responsibility, but if it’s yours, then I’ll still want to help out. We’re partners, that’s what we do.”

...and it looked like Shuuichi needed that help. 

Kneeling on the steps below, Kokichi reached out to stroke Shuuichi’s swollen belly. Honestly...a little relieved that Shuuichi wasn’t imagining his daughter as a pile of sludge. “We’re still waiting on her, huh. But...it’s even more unfair to you, carrying two babies at once without a proper carrier. Please...rely on me.”

Kokichi put a gentle hand on the sludge-baby, helping to bounce it. “...whoever this is? They’re cranky, ready for bed. If they’re your responsibility, then I want to help… If there’s any kid I can help, I want to.”

The sludge baby was getting a little quieter now… Shuuichi gave Kokichi a nervous look, before whispering, “You and Kaito are going to get mad at me… I don’t want to make you cry… he’s going to yell...”

Kokichi gave his boyfriend a concerned look. “...you aren’t having twins with two more daddies, are you?”

Shuuichi snorted at that, laughing despite himself. “God, do you think I could? Pollen biology is so damn weird already…”

Readjusting the sludge baby on his lap, looking sadly down at it, he said, “...it’s the child of some really bad people. Me and Maki volunteered to help make sure it’s safe, but…” Shuuichi’s face tensed up, the resentment and bitterness clear as he said, “She had to just… go, I guess… leave Kaito to take care of Tim and me to take care of her nightmare siblings… I don’t care what happens to them but… but I’m scared I’m going to mess it up with this one. It’s not the baby’s fault…”

“...but I don’t want you and Kaito to hate me for volunteering to help.” Shuuichi sighed. Looking over his shoulder at the long staircase. “What if you both resent me? What if you think I betrayed you? What if you leave me over this?”

...Shuuichi sighed. Shaking his head. “That last ones kinda extreme. But I’m not looking forward to being yelled at either. And there’s something wrong with you.” Shuuichi said, barely even glancing at Kokichi as he said it. Just stating it as a fact. “You’re tired these days. Pale. You’re not as quick during training, and I keep seeing you drink tea… what if the news sends you to the med hall? I can’t do that to you again.”

It...wasn’t hard to figure out who Shuuichi was talking about, even if it took Kokichi a second anyway. And...in fairness to Shuuichi’s fears, Kokichi froze. His breath catching, though breathing was more of a habit in dreams. Maki had taken custody of Itch and Tom...and they’d definitely had sex with Aba...who had been on pollen. He was a little surprised, in the part of him that wasn’t struck with fear, that she was having the kid. 

...Tengan had been right, that time. Kokichi really was still terrified of the brothers, what they had done to him, and done to Aba in front of him. Still...regularly had nightmares, even if they weren’t the kind to leave him gasping and trembling when he woke up anymore. 

But his reaction in Kaito’s mind had been genuine. Kokichi was scared of them...but he also felt a lot of sad regret. Feeling pity for the broken people they were, guilt at how the system had failed them. But none of that would be their child’s burden to bear. 

Swallowing, Kokichi made to speak, but paused. Looking at Shuuichi in surprise. He...hadn’t been feeling the greatest lately, but he was trying to take care of himself all that he could. Was drinking tea, going through Cedar’s treatments, regularly checking in with Seiko…

Leaning in, Kokichi placed a kiss on Shuuichi’s cheek, reaching back in to continue to help bounce the baby. “...I’m really proud of you for keeping your promise, and making sure that a baby is going to be taken care of. Even if I’m not the biggest fan of their parents...that’s not the baby’s fault. Children deserve all the support people can give.”

“I don’t resent you, you didn’t betray me, and I sure as hell am not gonna leave you over this. I’ll do whatever I can to help this kid...you’re not alone. Kai-chan’s not gonna leave you to take care of them by yourself either.” 

Kokichi’s expression softened, and he kissed Shuuichi’s cheek again. “...and I’m okay. I can take this news. Even if I make a scary face, just give me a sec to think about it, okay? I’m taking care of myself, and if I start feeling worse, I’ll let you know.”

Shuuichi considered all of this quietly… before looking warily at Kokichi. “You promise?”

Kokichi did.

With that, Shuuichi sighed. Nodding his head. “Okay… I’ll trust you. I know I can trust you. I’m just scared, that’s all… but it’ll be okay. I believe you.”

Standing up, Shuuichi looked up the staircase again… before confessing, “I don’t think I can actually climb all the way up there. Do you think you could put the baby to bed? Carrying both of them is actually really, really hard…”

Kokichi nodded, giggling softly as he accepted the blanket bundle. “I’ve got ya. C’mon, Baby, let’s go to bed.”

Carefully holding the baby, remembering all the right ways the books said, supporting the head and trying to keep the baby relatively steady as he walked, Kokichi began to climb the staircase. Softly humming a lullaby, trying to keep the kid comfortable. 

...Aba’s kid, huh? 

…he wondered how she was doing. How her rehab had gone. Despite being kept away from the case, he’d found out she pled for an isolation sentence...only wasn’t on it yet because of her pregnancy, he supposed. He’d read that she was in a long-term medical facility for the time being. He’d thought it was for rehab, but...this too, probably. 

...wouldn’t matter too much since she was going into isolation, but...he wondered if she had any family. If anyone had reached out to her, if she had any visitors besides lawyers and healers in the past few months. 

How much had been the spores? Even in the throes of them, Kokichi could still recognize Shuuichi. Who...was Aba? ...had he really been so foolish to like her?

Kokichi sighed, a pause in the song, before he took a breath and continued. 

Dreams being the nonsense things they were, the second Kokichi got ot the top of the staircase, Shuuichi was there too. Leaning against the edge of the safety bars with a sigh, watching Kokichi put the baby down into the crib, which was suddenly a manageable size. The stool was normal sized. So was the room. It was just a nursery. 

The baby wasn’t made of sludge anymore. It just looked like a baby. Or, at least, a baby that Shuuichi envisioned three people like Tom, Itch and Aba could make. But, well, for the most part, that wasn’t super distinctive. Babies usually just looked like babies. 

It’s eyes were closed. It was already asleep before Kokichi put it down. Shuuichi sighed, looking at it. “...if I can? If it’s possible, I want to help it find someone who's never going to tell it who its parents were… I just want it to have some parents that will love it. Completely. Without all the… baggage. I know Maki would raise it, if push came to shove. I know we’d all help her do it, if push came to shove… but I feel like our history with them would always hang over our heads. And I don’t want that for it. I just…”

Shuuichi’s face suddenly scrunched up. Placing a hand on his stomach. “...I want these kids to have better childhoods than all of us did… I just want them to be happy…”

Kokichi felt his eyebrow twitch. He really had to climb all those stairs for nothing, just to appease Shuuichi’s consciousness, huh. At least he had the fact of knowing it was a dream on his side--in real life, such a feat would’ve left him a gasping mess. 

Leaning over the side of the crib, still needing the stepstool to properly reach over, Kokichi gently laid the sleeping infant down, making sure they were secure and tucked in. Then…

Kokichi sighed, putting his arms around Shuuichi again, resting his head against Shuuichi’s shoulder as he rubbed his belly. “That’s what we all hope for. If you tell me...I can help. I’ll be more than willing to help. And we can find parents who’ll love this child and do everything they can for them too. Who’ll see this child as their own person, and not who their biological parents were. There’s a lot of people in the city, and most of them are really good people. We’ll find someone.”

“And until we do, your family is going to be right there with you, helping to take care of the baby. You can trust us. Just...give us time for our initial reactions, okay? We’ll still decide to help after we’re done being surprised.”

Shuuichi sighed. He was still really, really afraid of Kaito’s reaction. He was so… unforgiving. Would he hold it against the baby? Would he demand Shuuichi cut all ties? Would he get pissed at Maki for asking Shuuichi to do this? Kaito wasn’t… cruel. But he could get so angry…

“...okay. I’ll… I’ll tell you guys… later?” Shuuichi asked, a little confused as he looked around the nursery, still not entirely aware this was a dream and not used to just going with the flow of dream logic. “Tomorrow…?? This place is weird...”

Kokichi tilted his head a little bit, finding Shuuichi’s choice of words kinda...funny. “It is, isn’t it? I suppose you wouldn’t be used to it much… You said you barely dreamed.”

While the matter seemed settled...Kokichi could still feel uncertainty on Shuuichi. And some of that was to be expected, but...not like… He could only reassure Shuuichi what his own reaction was going to be. Kokichi had faith in how much Kaito cared for children, but...he didn’t know how he was going to take it. 

Rubbing Shuuichi’s stomach a little more, Kokichi chewed his lip. “...do you wanna tell Kai-chan? Like...practice now, then for real later.”

Shuuichi looked curiously at Kokichi, “...what, like...telling him to see how he reacts, then giving him a ‘forget today drink’? …” Shuuichi’s eyes widened, “You know how to make a ‘Forget Today Drink’??? I have the ingredients in my detective bag! I never thought for a second that’d be something you know about, Kokichi! Though…” he suddenly frowned, “...it’ll give him a hell of a headache, even if we get the dosage right… maybe we shouldn’t...”

“Er…” Kokichi rubbed the back of his neck a little, not...sure if Shuuichi was joking. And from the stories he’d heard, a “Forget Today Drink” was an ungodly mix of vodka, rum, tequila, gin, blue curacao, and citrus soda. Not...anything he’d be recommending to Kaito anytime soon. 

“No, I mean...like, you’ll have to tell me later, right? So it’s the same sort of thing with him too… Just...treat this like practice, okay? It’ll be alright.” 

...this was definitely pushing things. He should stop. ...but he wanted to give Shuuichi peace of mind too…

Kokichi chewed on his lip and quietly walked over to the door, not wanting to wake the baby. He motioned for Shuuichi to follow, trying to focus on making a memory of Kaito on the other side.

Because of the nature of being a creature of consciousness, Chibi Kaito could feel Big Kokichi trying to make a memory of Kaito in the other consciousness and, well… he counted! He was totally a memory of Kaito! Exactly what Big Kokichi was looking for! 

So, giving a kiss to Chibi Kokichi on the meteor the two had been riding on, he assured him he’d be back and then leapt at the call. 

He didn’t know it was Big Shuuichi’s consciousness till Big Kokichi opened the door, but when he saw them…

≡(*′▽`)っ!!!!

He ran up to an increasingly baffled Shuuichi and latched onto his leg. Happy, bell-like sounds spilling cheerfully out of him.

… Shuuichi gave Kokichi a dumbfounded look.

Kokichi’s eyes bugged, his lips pressing together just so he wouldn’t make any sounds. Instead of a six-foot hunk, there was a tiny hunk, not even taller than their knees, dashing forward to hug Shuuichi’s leg. Chibi Kaito… Whoops. 

Slowly turning to Shuuichi, Kokichi could only give him a grin, hoping that dream logic would prevail today. 

Kneeling down, Kokichi gently patted Chibi Kaito’s head. “Hiya, Kai-chan. Shuu-chan said he had something he wanted to tell us. Why don’t we sit down somewhere to talk?”

...Chibi Kaito was still Kaito, and if this was what Kokichi’s efforts culminated in...it might just be what they had to go with. For a learning experience, this...well, Shuuichi was probably the best person to see it with. For someone who dreamed so rarely, he’d likely just chalk everything up to dream weirdness. 

Shuuichi stared down at… ‘Kaito’...

And then, very slowly, he said aloud to himself, trying to make sense of it, “...you’ve… made a doll version of Kaito… to practice talking stuff to…” he paused, looking up at the ceiling for something, as he said slowly, “...like a puppet.”

Chibi Kaito looked down at himself, and, yep. There it was. Little strings on his hands and legs. He also looked up to see who was puppeteering him, but apparently that wasn’t necessary for dream logic, because the strings just faded into nothing.

Chibi Kaito looked up at Big Kokichi and shrugged good-naturedly. Sure. Let’s go with that. 

Taking Shuuichi’s pant legs, he gently pulled the two out of the nursery, and into their bedroom. Then, he motioned for Big Shuuichi to sit on the bed, before climbing up onto the desk chair, to sit where Kaito usually sat for important discussions like these.

It took some doing. But he was a good climber! He got onto the chair! Turning to face Big Shuuichi and Big Kokichi, he took a breath, and put on his best little serious face, crossing his arms. 

(｡ì _ í｡) Alright. What did they need to tell him?

Kokichi could feel himself sweating, and he nodded little apologies toward Chibi Kaito every time Shuuichi wasn’t looking. “Yep! Sorry for the dramatics, but...it’s important to feel like you’re really doing it for the practice to be worth it, you know?”

He was going to make this up so hard to Chibi Kaito later. Maybe make a little Chibi Shuuichi to join in on the fun in his head. 

...Kokichi sincerely hoped he’d never have to explain this to his family.

Kokichi helped Shuuichi sit on the bed, a little worried since while the baby in the nursery had become normal, Shuuichi’s belly was still far more pregnant than he was in real life. Maybe...was this how it felt for Shuuichi? Oh...his poor guy…

Rubbing his back again, Kokichi settled on the bed next to him, giving his boyfriend an encouraging smile. “Shuu-chan?”

Shuuichi took a breath, still a little nervous, but… admittedly, talking to a doll-sized puppet facsimile of his boyfriend was nowhere near as nerve-wracking as the idea of talking to the real one. And its little face was adorable. 

Still, Shuuichi picked his words carefully, as he said, “Kaito… there’s something very important I have to tell you. It’s… about Aba.”

ఠ ͟ಠ

Immediate incredulousness. Why the fuck were they talking about Aba? Kaito hadn’t heard much about the cases, no one willing to talk to him much about it, but he assumed she was rotting in a hole somewhere by this point. At least, that was what he liked to tell himself.

“... as you know, Maki has agreed to take on the responsibility of being Tom and Itch’s legal guardian, to help be a support system through their legal stuff…”

 (๑ò︵ò๑) Yep, yes, he remembered. Still hated it, but… yes. So?

“...Tom and Itch managed to…” Shuuichi sighed. Just get it over with. It wouldn’t help delaying. “They managed to get Aba pregnant. Same situation as us. And she’s decided to have the baby, but not to keep it. Maki has volunteered to watch over the child if a suitable family can’t be found to adopt it by the time it’s born, until a suitable family can be found to take over. But… Maki’s not here. So… she asked me to fulfil that promise on her behalf, if she can’t make it back in time… the child will be born around the same time as ours, in the spring… a family hasn’t been found yet…”

 (o´罒`o)

(｡☉︵ ಠ╬)

(o･｀Д´･o)

Shuuichi flinched as the puppet got more and more irritated, curling in on himself a little and saying softly, “I… I know you don’t like this. I know that’s a lot… you don’t have to help if you don’t want to… I-I’ll figure something else out, I know this is a lot…”

ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

(｡ì _ í｡)

 (⑉･̆⌓･̆⑉)

(ᇂ_ᇂ|||)

...after thinking about it a little… and looking up at Shuuichi’s increasingly worried face… the creature sighed. Getting up and, without much enthusiasm, hopping off the chair… before suddenly looking determined. Walking over and, with all his little strength, climbing up the side of the bed, before huffing, sitting down in between Kokichi and Shuuichi.

He reached over and hugged Shuuichi. ヽ( ´ー`)ノ there there. They’d figure this out. It was okay. 

...Shuuichi let out a shaky sigh. Laughing lightly to himself as he gave Chibi Kaito a little pat on the shoulder. “Well… at least the puppet doesn’t hate me.”

Kokichi’s expression tightened as Chibi Kaito visibly got angrier the more it all sunk in, but...this was why they were doing it. To get as close as they could to seeing Kaito’s reaction in a low-stakes environment. And even if Shuuichi wouldn’t really...remember this as it all happened, the feelings and impulse to have this conversation would remain. Hopefully...there was something more they could do to…

Ah. Well.

Kokichi let out a sigh, feeling a little drained just watching Chibi Kaito’s emotional rollercoaster, but...yeah. Kaito wouldn’t be happy about it, but neither of them were going to leave Shuuichi to figure this out on his own. And...hopefully they could find a good family before the kid was born. 

Leaning over a little, Kokichi hugged both his guys, having an easier time of it than usual thanks to Chibi Kaito’s size. “Like I said...our initial reactions might be a little scary...but give us time. We’re here for Shuu-chan, and if he’s there for the kid, then we’ll be there too. It’ll be alright.”

-

When Shuuichi woke up the next morning, he had ten brief seconds where he remembered everything. Everything. Staring at the ceiling in baffled confusion at the whole thing… Kokichi had been… and a sludge baby… and a tiny Kaito…

...and then after those seconds were done, the memory immediately got muddled. And more baffling. He had been dreaming of… a nursery? And a melting baby… had Kokichi been there? And… a baby Kaito? Wait, was the melting baby Kaito? That’s weird…

...why had he had a dream? What happened to his analysis for the previous day? What had even happened the previous day? Shit, wait, did this mean he wasn’t going to remember the previous day in detailed accuracy???

“Kaito?” Shuuichi called out… before, frowning, looking over at Kaito, who was still fast asleep. He nudged him a little. “...Kaito? Kaito!”

“F-wah! Wah! W-ha?” Kaito sputtered, sitting up, body tense, looking around wide eyed, though he kept his arm around Kokichi, pulling him up with his chest, immediately putting his other arm in front of Shuuichi, shielding him. “What!? What’s happening!?”

“What happened yesterday?” Shuuichi demanded, “Also, relax, nothing is happening.”

“Uh… what? Yesterday? ...um…” Kaito looked back and forth between Kokichi and Shuuichi, before his face flushed, “Well, I mean, I had a good time yesterday. Why? What are we talking about?”

Kokichi’s face scrunched as he made a few indistinct grumbling noises, jostled from his sleep earlier than he would’ve preferred. Nooo...it wasn’t morning yet, let him sleep…

Grumbling a little louder, Kokichi threw his arms around Kaito’s chest and shoulders, burying his face in a pec, nosing against Kaito’s skin, the two of them having ended up going to bed naked. “Shhhhhh… ‘i’still...ni’time… Don’ wanna get up yet…”

Kokichi flailed an arm out Shuuichi’s way, making like he was intending to pat his boyfriend’s head or something, but just kind of waving his hand back and forth in front of Shuuichi’s face. “Shhhhhh...s’okay...sleep…”

Kaito sighed, blinking sleepily, the adrenaline shock of the sudden wakeup already easing up as he managed to grab Kokichi’s wrist before his husband managed to wack Shuuichi in the face, who was still glaring at Kaito, apparently not satisfied with that explanation. Adjusting Kokichi to let him lay more comfortably against him while Kaito leaned back against the headboard, he gave Shuuichi a tired look. “Sorry… what are we talking about?”

“Yesterday? I didn’t dream about yesterday last night. I don’t… I need a reminder of what happened.” Shuuichi demanded, rolling over a little and holding Kaito’s arm, glaring up at him, like this was Kaito’s fault somehow. 

Between Kokichi’s half-asleep protests and Shuuichi’s… whole weirdness right now… Kaito gave a small huff, a little amused, looking down at them both affectionately. Cute… fucking weird. But cute. 

“Um, okay, so our evening was pretty taken up by sexy time antics. If you can remember anything, I’d recommend remembering that. It was a good time.” Kaito laughed, settling in, before trying to recall… “Um… you went to class yesterday… did homework. I think you got it done… Kokichi went to work… I, uh… well I did a bunch of stuff that doesn’t matter… um… what else… did training with the kids in the morning, you two did yoga… oh! We had a weird morning yesterday morning. Kind of was still recovering from a small fight we had the day before… I think that’s everything. Do you remember now?”

“Mmmm… yes.” Shuuichi decided, sighing, laying his head on Kaito’s arm. “Thank you… that felt weird. I had a dream or something instead.”

“Wow. That is weird.” Kaito chuckled, glancing at the clock...ugh… it was so early…

Despite trying to cling onto sleep--desperately grasping it, really--Kokichi still felt himself listening in on his partners talking, even as he relaxed back down against Kaito. Mmm...last night had been fun. They’d kept to their word, had sex far more frequently now, but Kokichi just felt himself being increasingly satisfied instead of starting to burn out. It was...really nice. And while he certainly wasn’t rearing to go now, the feeling of Kaito’s body under his was quite nice. 

Cracking a sleepy eye open, Kokichi hummed. “...does Shuu-chan have trouble remembering things if he doesn’t have his dream-rewind thing?”

“I think that’s everything too… Shuu-chan and I stopped by to get a snack after his class too…” Kokichi yawned, nuzzling more against Kaito’s chest, happy enough where he was that he wasn’t even jealous about not being in the middle. “...what did you dream about?”

“I mean… no. I do remember.” Shuuichi admitted, feeling a little sheepish at the question. “I just… I don’t know. This never happens. I’m just not used to it. I wanted to make certain I wasn’t confused about what I remembered.”

“Have you ever not done your analysis dream thing?” Kaito asked, “I feel like I remember you saying you have before…”

“Not since we were young. Maybe once or twice in high school. Definitely not in a long time though.” Shuuichi mused, closing his eyes and nuzzling into Kaito’s arm. Mmmm… “I like your arm muscles…”

Kaito snickered at that. “Yeah? Good.”

“Mmm… what did I dream about… melting babies… you were both in it. You… we were talking about something… we were talking about…” Shuuichi opened his eyes… before sighing. His stomach once again tightening with fear. 

...he should tell them. He should just tell them. They both loved him. They’d… they’d understand… it wasn’t going to be terrible… m-maybe…

“...is it too early for a really, really serious conversation?” Shuuichi asked quietly.

Kaito frowned… before sighing. “I mean… no. Not on my end. We could take a morning walk, Shuuichi? If our Kokichi wants to get some more sleep.”

Kokichi hummed again, nodding a bit. That made sense… If you were so used to things happening one way, if something changed it made sense to double check everything. But...it was kind of bizarre for Shuuichi to have an actual dream dream. He wondered if it was just a small percentage chance popping up, or if there was something that was bugging Shuuichi in his mind…

...apparently the latter, though Kokichi was distracted for a moment, shivering at the concept of...melting babies… How horrifying…

Sighing, Kokichi sat himself up a little more, the blanket falling around him and exposing the litany of light bruises and bites Kaito had left on his shoulders and neck the night before. He rubbed his eyes a bit before taking a breath, regarding his partners with a more awake gaze. “It’s early, but...if this is something that’s been on Shuu-chan’s mind, let’s talk about it. It’s still a while before we gotta get up, so we can take our time and talk about...whatever this is with the proper consideration.”

Kokichi took another breath before looking at Shuuichi with a bit of concern. “...what’s up?”

Shuchi curled up against Kaito’s arm, gripping it tighter… he felt the impulse to make them promise not to be upset with him… but for some reason, he thought maybe doing so would be… superfluous… 

He thought about asking them to go get Kokichi’s tea first, just in case, but asking them to do that might make Kokichi more worried and anxious, which might make it overall worse than just… telling them? Maybe?

Agh! Come on! Just do it! You can trust them! It’ll be okay!

Sighing, Shuuichi got up, taking his side of the blanket with him, sitting cross legged as he curled the blanket around his own naked form, hiding himself in it a little as he lowered his head, staring down at the blanket. “...” he opened his mouth. Closed it. “...”

Kaito stared at Shuuichi, idly pulling the other side of the blanket up over and around Kokichi’s waist more securely, so he wouldn’t get cold. “...would it be easier to tell one of us individually?” Kaito finally asked, resigning himself. “I can step outside.”

“Naked?”

“I mean, I’d put on some underwear and a shirt real quick… is this that bad, Shuuichi? What are we afraid of right now? Why are you scared?”

“I’m scared you’ll be upset with me.”

“...” Kaito looked Shuuichi up and down, trying to envision everything that someone like Shuuichi would be afraid to tell him… he had cheated on them with Nao… he was back on the pollen… he wanted to break up with them…

...ugh, that last one hurt… but Kaito squared his jaw and grit his teeth and said, “Don’t be. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. It’s gonna be okay.”

Shuuichi nodded… and, honestly? He did believe him… though he was still scared of the immediate reaction…

“There’s a baby being born in the spring that has nothing to do with any of us, but Maki, before she left, asked me to make sure it was safely adopted. I told her I would, but no family has been found yet, and it’s getting closer and closer to spring… and if an absolute worst case scenario happens and the child needs to be watched by someone for a little while before it’s safely adopted, I told Maki if she wasn’t back by then I’d take care of it.” Shuuichi spat out in a rush. 

Reaching forward and grabbing his pillow, Shuuichi pulled it in to hug it, twisting the pillowcase nervously in between his hands as he said, way too fast, “Oh-and-it’s-Aba’s-and-the-twins-I’m-really-sorry-you-don’t-have-to-help.”

Kokichi’s worry for Shuuichi only grew as the man struggled to say what he wanted, but… Well, it wasn’t as if being nervous was something new or rare for Shuuichi. It didn’t diminish his feelings but...sometimes Shuuichi just needed a little time to sort his words out. To gather his courage and convince himself it was alright to say. 

Knowing that still didn’t smooth the growing ridge between Kokichi’s eyebrows, especially when Shuuichi said he was scared of their reactions. Did...he murder someone? Was he cheating on them? Did...he want to give Miya up for adoption?

Kokichi felt his heart drop, and while it could be Shuuichi’s decision to do that...Kokichi knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything but be the one to adopt her. At this point...anything happening to their daughter was too much to think about. 

Nodding a little along with Kaito’s words of reassurance, Kokichi tried to look open and supportive. And, as Shuuichi started to speak, it was easier to be that. Being a foster family, of sorts? Or at least being the in the purview to find a good family to adopt a baby? The situation was a little confusing of how Maki got in the position to promise that, and to pass that promise onto Shuuichi, but...there was no way Kokichi would be mad at Shuuichi for that. It might be a little difficult in timing, but--

Kokichi’s entire body froze as his eyes widened, catching the...real crux of the situation. 

...Aba, Itch, and Tom…

He could practically feel his pulse speeding up in fear from just thinking about them… Itch’s fingers against his lips...a laugh as he heard thumps in the dirt...Aba’s screams and moans…

Kokichi started trembling, but...he swallowed, turning his gaze down. Trying to get a hold over himself. ...Maki had promised that her guardianship over the brothers wasn’t going to...put them in the same place as him. That they couldn’t hurt him again. 

...and a baby...wasn’t them. Shouldn’t be condemned in its first breath just because of who had made it. 

...Maki and Shuuichi weren’t asking for them to take the kid in. Just to make sure they had a good family, and to look after them until one could be found. 

Forcibly trying to slow his breathing, Kokichi looked back up at Shuuichi, his face still pale and eyes a little too wide, but much calmer. “...do you know when her due date is? Like...before yours or…? We...we should make a plan of what to do, if we can’t find good parents before then…”

Shuuichi flinched with guilt at the look on Kokichi’s face. The way he was trembling. “I’m sorry…” he whispered, clutching the pillow harder. “I know this sucks… I’m sorry…”

Kaito’s face was… curiously blank. Like, completely blank… but he felt Kokichi’s trembling, and saw the guilty, nervous look on Shuuichi’s face…

Quietly, Kaito scooped Kokichi into his lap. Lightly rubbing his back, running his fingers up and down his back. Watching Kokichi carefully. Kokichi first, then Shuuichi… he placed his fingers on Kokichi’s neck, feeling his heartbeat. Too fast. Too fast though? Kaito wasn’t sure. He leaned in to kiss Kokichi’s temple, before returning to rubbing his back. Ready, grimly, to make a run for the med ward if it was gonna prove necessary… should definitely get the tea either way. Just in case. Just in case. Wait to see how Kokichi was in a few minutes. Check on Shuuichi. Then go get tea. One thing at a time…

...once they were fine… then…

Shuuichi glanced nervously at Kaito’s weird stillness, before looking back at Kokichi’s frightened, stressed expression. “It should be a few weeks after mine, assuming nothing unusual happens to either of us. Hers won’t be a c-section, so it’s really kinda up to the kid… but it’s projected to be two weeks after mine… I-I’m sorry… I should have told you, but I was hoping we’d have found a family by now… that I’d never have to bring it up… I know this is a lot...”

Kaito frowned. The look on his face getting more grim.

Kokichi made himself relax against Kaito, taking deep, careful breaths...calm down. Calm down, it’s okay. You don’t have to see them...you’re safe. You’re safe, and everyone is safe, and this is happening so the baby is safe too. 

He nodded gently. “Okay… We can double up on general supplies, get an extra crib… Shuu-chan should be super fine, out of the hospital by then… Are you working with the adoption services that the orphanages are networked with? They’re good at getting the word out, when kids are new… Babies are really popular to adopt too…”

Kokichi’s face suddenly got stressed again, though it was tinged more with guilt than fear this time. Still with some fear, though. “...one of us should be there, when she’s due, to make sure the kid’s okay…”

“Um, when me and Maki did the paperwork, a… thing called a ‘social worker’ was assigned to the case?” Shuuichi said, the word sounding foriegn on his tongue, “She said she would contact me anytime there was a new development… I’ve only been contacted by her once since then, to sign some more paperwork letting her expand her search outside of the residential area… I could ask her to come talk to us, see where she’s at and what resources she’s using in her search…”

Kaito pulled Kokichi tighter onto his chest when he felt his breathing get more shallow for a second. Just trying to be a comforting presence… he’d get up and get the tea after this. If Kokichi was going to have a heart attack over the news, Kaito was pretty sure it’d have happened by now. It was looking like this wasn’t gonna end up being a runner.

Shuuichi sighed, also looking a little miserable at the idea, but said, “I know. One of us will need to be there for paperwork stuff either way. Aba won’t be legally allowed to sign for a lot of things the baby will need once it’s born… I’ll probably be strong enough by then to do it-”

“Don’t be stupid.” Kaito said stiffly. The words practically a growl. Rubbing Kokichi’s back. “I don’t want either of you anywhere near that woman. I’ll do it.”

Kissing Kokichi’s head, Kaito said, voice notably softer, “I’m gonna go get some of your tea, babe. Alright? Shuuichi, I’ll make a run down to the dining hall to get you some of that relaxant tea too. And juice. Coffee can wait till after training, it’ll just make you more jumpy right now. Maybe a piece of toast for you both too… we’ll go light on training. Maybe just make it a long walk. That should do…”

That sounded about right… Kokichi didn’t work too much with guardianship rights and all the stuff that went on with adoption, but as the heir, it was expected that he’d likely adopt his heir one day. He had to be familiar with the whole process, at least a little. He just...hadn’t been sure if Maki had tried to bypass the whole system. Take it all on herself. It was thinking a little low of her, especially when she put in a lot of visible effort into learning Dicea’s systems, but...it was still a thought he had. 

If they were sponsoring the kid, though, he’d like to talk with the social worker, see if there was anything he could do to help. Not that Kokichi wanted to make some big, royal announcement, since that was...kind of the opposite of setting the kid up for success, but...there might still be something he could do, and it was just good to be in the know. 

Kokichi had looked worried at the thought of Shuuichi going to the hospital when he’d barely been out himself, but...well. Kokichi wasn’t...sure if he could do it. It’d take some thinking, and while he would’ve liked to think on it for a few more months, he understood why Shuuichi had held off for so long. And...he was sure Kaito could do it, wouldn’t transfer any of his hatred onto the baby, but...he worried. 

Kokichi curled in against Kaito for a moment, just taking comfort in his husband as he tried to calm himself, nodding slightly at the mention of tea, before he sighed, reaching out towards Shuuichi. Putting his hands gently over his. “...I’m sorry…”

Shuuichi took Kokichi’s offered hands and gave a small, shaky sigh… before admitting, “Don’t be. Honestly, I’m relieved...I was really, really scared that would go over worse…I’ve been wanting to tell you both for ages, but I couldn’t get this image out of my head of both of you just… being so upset with me…”

Kaito gave the wall a dry look, before huffing. He had plenty he wanted to reassure about, but he didn’t trust himself to speak just yet. His fucking blood felt like it had fire laced through it. 

Gathering up Kokichi, Kaito deposited him next to Shuuichi, before kissing his husband on the forehead, and then, freeing himself from him, taking Shuuichi’s face in his hands-- and fuck, why did his boyfriend look nervous…-- before kissing him twice on the cheek, and then once on the lips. “Tea for both of you. And juice. And toast. It’s gonna be a good day you guys. Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. I’m gonna be back super quick. No one here has anything to be scared about. This is fine…”

Kaito forced a grin onto his face. “If anything, this is a kick in the butt to remind us that we really need to start making some solid plans for when baby’s gonna arrive. Cause now we just might have to account for a little baby guest too! No worries! We got this! Let me grab the tea, come back, get some drink and bread in our stomach’s, we’ll start working on the details! Everything’s okay! I’ll be back in a flash!”

Shuuichi relaxed a little as Kaito’s rigidness seemed to ease the more he spoke, like Kaito himself was maybe taking some comfort in his own pep talk, before murmuring, “Okay, Kaito… come back soon, please?”

Please don’t go to the shrine.

“Fifteen minutes is the goal! Should be a piece of cake!... oh, clothes.”

Kaito threw on some pants and a shirt, and unfussed by the rest of his appearance, threw on some slippers and headed out.

He really was going to get Kokichi’s tea and some nice tea for Shuuichi and the toast. He really, fully intended to get this done in fifteen minutes. He was going to take them both on a walk and give the kids a free day. Low key. Low stress. Everything was fine.

...but before he did that, he used the key to open up Maki’s room. Heart pounding like fucking fire in his chest. And going to the wall that connected with Shuuichi’s old room-

BANG! BANG! BANG-BANG-BANG!!

Shuuichi flinched at the distant sounds of a wall being repeatedly punched… and then silence. Only hearing the sound of a door opening and closing in the outside hallway because he was listening for it now.

“...I’m sure that’s fine.” Shuuichi murmured.

Kokichi nearly mirrored Shuuichi’s flinch, looking over toward the sound in concern but...he really didn’t think he’d be able to make it over there. Everything in him just felt...wobbly and nervous. Not heading toward an attack, and he didn’t feel faint, and he’d hope one of his partners would’ve pointed it out by now if he’d gotten a nosebleed, but...things didn’t have to be dangerous for him to be feeling bad. 

...Kaito would be alright… It was good for him to have a little space to express his anger without directing it accidentally at them. Just as long as he didn’t disappear…

And Shuuichi…

Kokichi sighed, leaning himself against Shuuichi and gently rubbing his hands. “...thank you for telling us. Kai-chan and I are of course going to help out...but it’s still...shocking news. Even if it took some inspiration from a dream...I’m glad you told us.”

Pausing a moment, Kokichi tried to muster up a smile. “I did say I was preparing myself for constant midnight baby duty. With three of us, there’s always gonna be someone free to take care of whatever the kids need. We’re a pretty great team together.”

Shuuichi sighed, appreciating the reassuring touches and words, as he said, “I know… yeah, it’s not often I’m so worried about something that it breaks my training… melty sludge baby really got to me... I don’t like keeping secrets from you both. Especially not something that big. I was just scared… thanks for not…” Shuuichi shrugged. “Thanks for understanding.”

Downstairs, Kaito got the medicine first, before heading down to the dining hall to grab the toast, juice, and additional tea. It was still super, super early, and he got a few concerned or confused looks from everyone he asked anything for, but he kept a grin on his face and a relaxed air about him and, yes, actually, thank you, I’d appreciate the bandage for my hand! What happened to it? Accidentally scrapped it against the wall. Clumsy morning! Thanks! 

...he’d have to get that wall patched up at some point.

...he was gonna beat the shit out of her.

He couldn’t believe Maki would do something like that. Was she out of her mind!? Shuuichi was pregnant! He was pregnant! He wasn’t even done with his rehab when she left, he was still on the medicine even! And she wanted to give him some big, scary, additional responsibility that he was going to have to keep secret from them!? Give him something fucking else on his mind while she left!?

OH-HO-HO-MOTHERFUCKING HO, noooooooo! Kaito was willing to let a lot of things go. He wasn’t exactly thrilled with sparring lately. But That!? Oh… wait until she got back…

Kaito wasn’t mad about the baby. He wasn’t even mad it was Aba’s and the twins, though he wasn’t thrilled with that either. He understood. Maki’s dedication to her siblings, even those piles of shit… he understood, okay? He got it. If it had just been that? He’d have been proud! 

She should have gone to Kaito for help.

Not their pregnant, drug-recovering friend.

For fucks sake Maki.

Kaito was so mad. He was so god damn furious. He had never been more mad at Maki in his whole damn life. Leaving Tim with all these ideas in his head that he has to ‘look out for’ Kaito, when he’s nine and needs to be taken care of, Maki. Leaving Shuuichi with a brand new ‘big bad secret’ he’d be scared to tell them about, after Kaito had almost fallen apart from her last ‘big bad secret’ she had made Shuuichi’s problem! 

Oh, he was gonna fucking lose it on her.

...but she was, unfortunately, in Luminary right now, and not even a phone call away, yet. Ooooooooh, when she was though…

… Kaito probably still wouldn’t yell at her yet. Because he low-key was terrefied she was gonna murder his brother and he didn’t want to encourage that by making her angry at him. But oooooooh, when she got back… just you wait, Maki… fucking spar of your LIFE.

When Kaito got back to the room, he took a steadying breath… before came in. “Tea, guys! How’s everyone feeling?”

Kokichi grimaced. “Melty sludge baby? Eurg… I think I’d be more freaked out about that than stress urging you on, honestly… What an odd dream you had…” 

...he wondered how long Shuuichi had known. When Maki had asked it of him. As soon as she got custody? Shuuichi did say he’d signed papers, so this wasn’t just a transfer of responsibility held up on the honor system. As soon as Maki knew she was leaving? From what Shuuichi had said, he didn’t think it was any later than that. Months and months of knowing by this point…

...Shuuichi might’ve known before he even enrolled at the university. 

...there was a part of him he didn’t really want to think about at the moment. A frustration he’d had for a long time, honestly, but it was with stuff like this, that… It was really kind, to want to personally find a family for the baby. ...but that side of him argued that...Shuuichi didn’t even know what the social worker was doing, so was it even personal? 

They were going to have their daughter around the same time. An entire person they’d been prepping for for months, getting in the right headspace and getting more physical things ready for. Kokichi had...more or less been expecting to spend the next few months of his life, once she came, entirely on his daughter. Adding in another person wasn’t just...lumping them in. It was an entire additional layer of preparation. And it wasn’t like Shuuichi or Maki wanted to adopt the kid either!

Why couldn’t they just trust the people who had dedicated their lives to doing this exact thing?! Why did it always have to come down to them!?

...but Kokichi knew why, and...well, he’d just start preparing for taking care of two newborns, even if it turned out they found someone to take the baby. Better than being left scrambling if they didn’t. 

Kokichi relaxed against Shuuichi, calming his heart, and he really did look much calmer by the time Kaito returned, the color back in his face. “M’okay. Thanks for getting tea and food, love.”

“Mmhm! Alright, let me see here… ah, here we go. Some tea, your grace… annnnd, toast with jam. Shuuichi, I didn’t put jam on yours yet, wasn’t sure if you were having any issues with morning sickness this morning…?”

“No, I’m not… jam please.” Shuuichi said softly, watching as Kaito went back to the platter and dug out some small packets of jam Kaito had prepped in case, spreading it over the toast, before bring Shuuichi some different tea and a small plate of toast as well. Shuuichi quietly thanked him before taking it, not really hungry, but willing to nibble at it, drinking some of the tea first.

Kaito, in turn, took one of the waiting cups of orange juice for himself, going back down to sit, sighing after taking a long sip. “...okay! In terms of ease of communication for planning! I suggest we temporarily name the new kid Bonus! Miya and Bonus! Now, let me grab a piece of paper, let’s work out what we’re gonna need for little baby Miya and Bonus… spring will be here any minute, after all! Can’t just leave it to the last minute!”

Kaito said this, putting down the juice, before heading over to the vanity desk, rumbling around for it, before pulling out some paper and a pen. Bringing it back to the bed, he clicked open the pen, before saying, “Okay...according to Ikuo and basically all of my baby books, we should account for at least ten diapers a day for a newborn. Eight is the minimum, twelve the maximum, assume ten is the safe bet and adjust accordingly! Lots of dirty diapers in our futures, guys. We may want to factor in air fresheners too…”

Shuuichi looked in concern at Kaito as he saw him start to do some math on the paper, trying to estimate how many bundles of diapers they’d need to have all at once to account just for the first month, and said, “Kaito… are you sure you’re oka-”

“Hey, real quick?” Kaito said brightly. Looking up and beaming at Shuuichi, “Let’s stop lying to Kaito, yeah? No more big secrets from Kaito? That’s just a brand new thing I want to introduce to our relationship. No more secrets from Kaito! I think I’m gonna start adding that to our ‘boundaries’ list. No mean names! No hitting! No more keeping huge, life affecting things from Kaito! Cool? Cool! Does anyone remember how much feeding a newborn requires a day? I’m sure I wrote all this down somewhere…”

Kokichi gave his husband another nod of thanks, taking a sip of tea and nibbling on his toast. It felt far too early for breakfast, but his tea would help his heart and a little bit of food would clear his head. If you felt shock, food and rest were some of the best things you could do for yourself. Breathing was a big thing too, since shock was a reaction of not having enough oxygen, but...food and rest would help with that too. 

Bonus...he was okay with that. It didn’t have the uncomfortable connotations of being unwanted or “extra”, but still...a surprise, and an easier delineation than calling Bonus Baby, since they’d called Miya Baby for so long. 

Eating more of his toast, Kokichi nodded gently. “We’re still signed up for the newborn care package, so...I’m sure if we talk with...with Aba’s social worker they can make sure that if we’re taking in Bonus, we can get that package too. It’ll give us some buffer time to figure out what the kids need, so we’re not left without something all of a sudden. And to make sure Bonus’ package doesn’t come to us if they get adopted before then either.”

Kokichi had just been rolling with Kaito’s frantic, go-getter energy, but flinched a little when Kaito let on just...how actually pissed he was at the situation. Kokichi knew that he had nothing to be guilty or ashamed of in this particular situation...but he’d lied and kept big secrets in the past and...they really didn’t feel good either. 

Taking a small breath, he nodded. “The books said to feed them every two to three hours, but for the first few days it’s only, like, half an ounce of formula. By the time they’re two weeks, or so, they’ll likely be eating up to three ounces, but it does vary by kid. We have to pay attention to what they want and how much they can handle, but that’s a ballpark of what to expect. We’re already getting a bottle warmer, so...I think we can use the same one for both of them.”

...if Miya was going to be drinking formula, but that was a different conversation they hadn’t even touched. 

“...we should count on getting another crib, and blankets and that sort of stuff… We’ll get one extra blanket in the care package, but...just to keep Bonus comfortable, I think we should get extras…”

Kaito tapped the pen against his lip, looking around the room, before saying, “I mean, do they need separate cribs? We can fit two, of course, and I guess we could gift the adopting family Bonus’s crib, but newborns aren’t exactly super big… well, most of them, I guess. Guess we really don’t know how big the babies will be till they show up. Shuuichi, do we know Bonus’s gender? Just for reference?”

Shuuichi sighed, shaking his head, a guilty look on his face. Still kinda smarting from the previous ‘suggestion’ of not lying anymore. “No… I’ll be honest, with the exception of signing the new paperwork? I haven't done much of anything since Maki left… I kept worrying if I reached out, you both would notice and realize something was up… I’m kinda failing at this…”

“You’re not failing at anything, handsome. This shouldn’t have been on you to begin with...actually. Yeah. Fuck your promise to Maki.” Kaito decided, putting down the paper, looking up at Shuuichi. “Whatever paperwork you did to transfer responsibility or whatever you’re talking about? You and I are doing that. Legal paperwork, adoption stuff, whatever fucking thing you promised Maki you were going to do? I’m taking that over. Effective ‘however-immediately-we-can-get-this-done’.”

Shuuichi’s eyes widened... before he said uncertainly, “Kaito, you don’t have to do that. I said I would do it, and I intend to-”

“You are only getting more pregnant after this. Miya’s going to get bigger, and heavier, and pretty soon, she’s going to start moving around in there, kicking and squirming and making you even sicker more often than you are now.” Kaito said. Eyes flashing dangerously. “I will be shocked if by the time the month of the delivery gets here, if you can even get out of this bedroom without serious effort. I… I know you’re smart and capable and strong and that I don’t need to coddle you… either of you. But we can’t ignore the reality of what’s coming up for you in the next few months. I don’t care what you told Maki, or what she made you promise. I’m doing it now.”

“...whatever it is. Kokichi? Babe, I don’t want you physically involved with Aba in any way, shape or form, but if you could help me understand what I need to do to get this kid in a stable environment? Who I have to talk to, what I should be doing? I’d appreciate your help. I have no idea what I’m doing.” Kaito said, writing down the information Kokichi gave him without really thinking about it, “I could not be more unprepared for this.”

“...I’m sorry, Kaito.” Shuuichi murmured.

“Don’t be sorry. I don’t need you to be sorry. I don’t even think this is your fault.” Kaito said, looking down at the paper, writing 2 cribs?? onto it. “I’m being honest. No one trusts me with anything cause I don’t know how to do anything, and ya know what! I agree! I don’t know how to do this! So… so I’ll need both your help to figure it all out! But physically? I’m doing the stuff. Not either of you… so there! Or something! I’m getting onesies for both the babies too! They’ll be color coordinated! It’ll be adorable!”

He...supposed they could share a crib, but...it just felt wrong. If they were going to take Bonus in, then Kokichi wanted to give them and Miya the best care he could. Children, and especially newborns, were reliant on their guardians for everything. Not just the physical stuff, like a place to sleep and toys and food, but...contact and love and a guide, even a confused one, of how to navigate the world and be a person. Do give anything less than your best was...not fair to someone who’s whole world you were. 

Again, Kokichi started to feel that little well of frustration, but then Kaito said something so...big, that it pushed all other feelings in Kokichi’s body to the side, at least for a moment. Shuuichi couldn’t do this on his own. That’s why he told them. But...Kaito taking the lead…

Kokichi gave Shuuichi an uncomfortable, apologetic look. They all...knew, in an abstract way, that Shuuichi’s pregnancy was only going to become more difficult...but Kokichi knew that he and Shuuichi had been avoiding talking about it together. Wanting to focus on the freedom Shuuichi finally had, being clean and going to school...having his own life again. But...Kaito was right. They couldn’t ignore that reality, even if it was frustrating. 

The thought of Shuuichi trying to arrange things for Bonus, not far out from his own due date...or making his way to the hospital when Bonus was born, right after being kept awake by his own newborn, still recovering from her birth…

...Kokichi curled into himself a little, taking a sip of tea as an afterthought as Kaito vowed something that...made him feel more secure than he wanted. Kokichi was capable of helping out but...it was his own stupid hangups that made him freeze. Not able to put his own issues with Aba aside for the sake of a child. To the point he hadn’t even thought about volunteering to take this on legally. 

(...he knew thinking that way wasn’t fair to himself. But he couldn’t stop it.)

Kaito...really was the best person for this. 

Nodding, Kokichi let out a little sigh. “You two should talk to the social worker. They’d be able to set up the documents to transfer over guardianship, and you can ask about any candidates that have been found so far. If they’re working with the adoption network, then the background checks and interviews are already being handled--if not, then you should set something up for that, likely to get working with the network, or contacting another agency.”

Looking up at his partners, part of Kokichi felt like he was pleading with them. “...the vetting process orphanages use is very involved. There’s a lot of people unsuited to be parents, and it’s not even necessarily a flaw. But they do everything they can to make sure kids go to a good home. Somewhere they’ll be loved and cared for and wanted, but also a place where they’ll be able to learn and grow and have the best chances to be whoever they’ll grow up to be. For older kids, there’s usually a series of visits to make sure the kid and guardian specifically are good together, but for a baby…”

He sighed. Looking a bit tired. “...there are people who do interviews for that, more than just the initial adoption prospect interview, but you can request to be a part of the interview if you want to be there personally.”

Kaito shrugged, “I’ll ask them if I should be. I mean, it sounds like it’ll be fine…”

Shuuichi’s eyes narrowed. “...No. I told Maki I’d meet the people adopting Bonus and make certain the orphanage isn’t selling them. If you’re going to insist on taking this responsibility from me, Kaito, then you’re not just gonna half-ass it. At least meet the parents and see if you get a sketchy vibe about the whole thing.”

“...Shuuichi, they don’t have an indentured program here-”

“And kids aren’t sold to brothels at home.” Shuuichi hissed. Looking increasingly pissed. “Double. Check. Just in case.”

… Shuuichi took a breath, looking serious. “Either say you will or just let me do it.”

Kaito ran a hand over his face, before pushing it through his messed up, unbrushed hair… before nodding. “Alright, yep. I’ll ask to sit in on the interviews. Just… just to see for myself things are on the up and up. Okay?”

Shuuichi relaxed. “...thank you.”

Kokichi did get where Shuuichi was coming from, but...if you weren’t going to be there through the whole process, where the fuck did you get off being so stringent on one part that you didn’t even have experience with?! The people at the agency were absolute hard-asses when it came to making sure kids would have proper homes! Fuse had been the fucking leader of the country, something that actually meant something when it came to a person’s character in Dicea, and she’d still been grilled by the people handling Aiichi’s adoption before they even considered allowing the process to go through!

How would Shuuichi even know what to look for when it came to a guardian prospect?! How would Maki?! This wasn’t something either of them had any training in, so why were they so certain the actual experts would fail?!

...but Kokichi knew why. And sitting in on interviews wasn’t a big deal. And even if he looked a bit sick just from the idea of selling children, or sending them to brothels… Kokichi just swallowed after a shudder and drank his tea. Knowing that his words were meaningless. 

...that rarely kept him from talking anyway these days. 

With an increasingly tired look, Kokichi looked over at Shuuichi with a small sigh. “...if it’s any consolation to how our system works… Right now, I would be denied a chance to adopt. I don’t have any experience caring for an infant, and I’ve never been left in charge of a child before. Never taken classes on caring for kids either. I have a job with uncertain hours. If I were applying on my own...I’d be denied.”

Kaito frowned at this, before noting on his paper in parentheses (Make sure to take kid classes to be ready for sudden adoption of feelings baby.) and then, after staring at it, added in (keep storage of additional baby supplies in case feelings baby shows up in spring???).

Then, remembering King Aiichi was adopted as a teenager, Kaito scratched his temple with his pen before adding in (Check library for ‘how to raise teenagers’ books.). 

Sigh... Kaito had a lot of kids in his life already… well, that was okay… get it all done at once! Unless the feelings baby showed up when Miya turned eighteen… ha! That’d be funny. Phew… maybe he should have gotten some coffee for them after all…

Shuuichi, in turn, fidgeted with his pillow, a little too embarrassed to look directly at Kokichi… “...Kokichi, if you’re trying to tell me something, you can just say it.”

Kokichi frowned a bit, holding both his hands around his mug of tea, letting the warmth seep into his joints. “...I know why you don’t trust the system. You have more than enough reason to be cautious.”

“...but how Dicea cares for kids… We’ve put a lot of work into it. Through countless generations. You and Maki-chan have your own lives, and I really don’t even think you should invest yourselves completely into how our orphanages and adoption processes work. But since you don’t, and...haven’t looked into it pretty much at all…” 

Kokichi puffed his cheeks a little, hunching his shoulders in. “...it feels like you’re spitting in the faces of everyone who has devoted their lives to this work. To every kid who’s found a family through it, including...about seventy percent of all Oumas.”

“...you have good reason to keep your guard up and pay attention...kids deserve that kind of attention. But...it’s hard not to get frustrated at your criticism when you don’t even know how the system works.”

Kaito looked uncomfortably between Kokichi and Shuchi, seeing the growing frustration on both of them. Uh oh… had the two of them had a fight yet? And this was important, too…

...also, only seventy percent? Damn, that stupid child-killer league really over-reacted to Aiichi having a baby, huh… seriously. Fuck those guys. To distract himself, Kaito penned in brackets [Fuck the LRG assholes.] before pausing, and adding in as an afterthought, [But not literally.]

Shuuichi, in turn, scowled at the bed, once again feeling defensive and embarrassed, reacting not entirely unlike how he had reacted when Kaito had called him out, though he hadn’t noticed that himself yet. “Oh, sure. Blind trust in a system I know nothing about. That’s the appropriate way to resp-”

“Shuuichi.” Kaito said, doodling little angry faces next to the comments about the LRG, “Take a second. Breath. Think about what you actually want to say. Cause you know Kokichi isn’t gonna deserve whatever comes out next.”

Shuchi scowled at Kaito… before glaring at his pillow. Fussing and tugging at its edges… thinking about it some more. Frowning a little… hrn…

There was a long silence while Shuuichi tried to get his words together. Kaito drank some of his juice. Idly, he set the little angry faces on fire, and got really into the shading.

… after some time, Shuuichi said, slowly, “... I know you trust Diceans. I understand that… but for me? If I leave the kid in the program and forget about it, trusting the system will take care of it? There will always be a part of me that will have worried I failed it… that it’s hurting somewhere just cause I didn’t bother to be a second pair of eyes on it. And I… I don’t know how to take your criticism, other than to interpret it as you saying I should abandon it and not worry about what becomes of it… which is… really… tempting…” Shuuichi grit his teeth, hugging the pillow, “... I don’t want to be responsible for this. I don’t really even want to be involved… but letting go now would feel cruel… what if something happens to it...”

Kaito tapped at his paper… before saying, “Didn’t Haneda go through the whole orphanage program thing? Like, her whole childhood? Maybe we should ask her for some advice? Like, as someone who actually went through the process. King Aiichi too, he was a teenager when he was adopted, I bet he remembers all about it. I think the system would be easier to trust if we didn’t just have the word of the people in charge of it… right Shuuichi?” Kaito asked, grinning weakly at his boyfriend, “Since they have the most motivation to lie or cover things up? Wouldn’t it feel easier to trust the word of the people who have gone through it? Make a decision from there?”

Shuuichi hesitated...looking a little uncertain. “...maybe?”

Kokichi bristled, having thought he really said that blind trust was exactly what he thought Shuuichi and Maki were right to distrust… But he took a breath as Shuuichi did, trying to calm down and...talk about this like adults. Not blow up at each other. 

And...he really did understand where Shuuichi was coming from, the concept of it, if not emotionally. “...I didn’t mean to imply that you should abandon Bonus. Though...you being in a middle area of not wanting to leave Bonus entirely to professionals you don’t know anything about, but not being involved in the whole process is...personally frustrating to me. I know this was just sort of...dumped on you. You shouldn’t have to be passionate about things that you didn’t want for yourself. But caring...only enough to say “no” to people is...not much less cruel than not being involved at all, in my eyes…”

Kokichi took a breath, raising his eyes. “...but we’re not going to be half-heartedly involved anymore. If you don’t trust a system, the answer isn’t to disengage from it--it’s to learn about it. That’s…” Kokichi gave Shuuichi an apologetic look. “That’s what I was trying to say.”

“Haneda-chan aged out of an orphanage, and my father was in one for most of his childhood,” Kokichi nodded to Kaito, agreeing with his suggestion. “Waku-chan didn’t live in an orphanage, but she was in a foster program while she lived at the castle, so she knows how people involved with all that who don’t interface with the orphanages do things. I’m sure if you asked, there would be a lot of other people willing to share their experiences too. It’s not...a mystery.” Kokichi sighed, slumping a little before he drank more of his tea. “People tend to be pretty open about this stuff...you just have to ask.”

Shuuichi frowned at the ‘only caring enough to say no’ comment, but… well… he hadn’t really done anything before this point. It wasn’t like Kokichi didn’t have a point… Shuuichi had felt too freaked out and overwhelmed to really get involved at all. He honestly wasn’t even sure what the next step of this whole process was, as far as adoptions went. Honestly, he just hoped the social worker would find some nice couple, Shuuichi would meet them, there’d be no obvious red flags, and he could tell Aba and Maki that everything was fine and taken care of…

...which, yeah… was as good as doing nothing, really…

Shuuichi’s shoulders slumped. Ngh… he hadn’t kept his promise to Maki at all… he had entirely failed this…

Kaito watched Shuuichi slowly grow more and more disheartened, just finally nodding vaguely to Kokichi’s offer. Kaito frowned at the look, but, well… this was why he was so pissed at Maki to begin with. His boyfriend was just getting his own life together. Kaito didn’t like to see him beating himself up not managing to juggle the responsibility of someone elses kid effectively on top of it. So… Kaito was going to make this easier!

“Perfect! Shuuichi, I’ll start asking around to Waku, Haneda, and the king, and we’ll see whose available to sit down with you and me to talk to us about the program, okay? After school today, tomorrow, whenever they’re available! We’ll verify what is and isn’t safe to not keep a judging eye on, based on the words of people who know best, and, who we already know we can trust! Then, we’ll make a plan, and I’ll follow through on whatever that plan ends up being, okay? Bonus is in good hands! We’re going to make sure they’re fine, and set up for success, and you’ll be able to proudly tell Maki it was all taken care of!”

‘Before or after I turn her face into hamburger meat.’

Shuuichi hesitated… before nodding. “Okay… thank you. I’m sorry for being difficult…”

Kokichi’s gaze softened as he watched Shuuichi just...nod. He didn’t want to beat Shuuichi down, yell at him that he was a failure and had messed everything up. Yes, Shuuichi should’ve told them earlier, but...Maki should’ve told them all when she told Shuuichi. So something like this wasn’t all pushed onto one person’s plate. 

...and Kokichi really admired Maki’s capabilities, but...she really did take too much responsibility unto herself. And it became that she left her son for...who knew how long it was going to be, was...pretty much not there for her two other wards at all, and had to leave the fate of an infant in someone else’s hands, who already had quite a lot on his plate. He supported her going to help with the revolution, but...he really hoped that Maki would be able to get her affairs in order when she returned. She’d put herself in the position where too many people were relying on her, and despite everything Maki could do, she couldn’t be everywhere at once. 

It really was just a mess of a situation. 

Sighing, Kokichi scooted to gently touch Shuuichi’s shoulder, something easily shaken off if his boyfriend didn’t want the touch right now. “...we’re all working together now. It’ll be alright.”

“...and I’m sorry. Really...the only thing I wish Shuu-chan did was tell us earlier. But everything else… I didn’t mean to make it sound like I think you mishandled this. I think Shuu-chan’s been put in a rough situation and has just been trying to figure it out. In that situation, there’s no wrong you could’ve done. I’m sorry for...getting snippy and defensive. I’ll do better to support you.”

Shuuichi gave Kokichi a soft look in turn, before sighing, shaking his head. “Thanks, though, you don’t really have to be. It can be a kind of bitter reminder, that… I’m…” Shuuichi paused, trying to think of the correct way to word it. “...I’m making things harder on myself. I can’t… keep thinking I’m in Luminary… and you’re the leader of Dicea. Or, you will be. It makes sense it would offend you, the idea that the programs might not work… if I can’t trust Dicea, I should know that I can at least trust you… you wouldn’t let a program that abuses orphans exist…I should be able to trust that.”

“And, I got defensive too… I felt embarrassed. I’m sorry. I came to you both for help for a reason. I shouldn’t have gotten angry at the suggestion that I wasn’t doing enough, because… I really don’t know what the right thing to do is. I’m really out of my depth. You noticing that isn’t a bad thing. It’s just true. I’m sorry for getting angry at you for that. I was just being reactive.”

Kokichi smiled slightly and bopped his head against Shuuichi’s shoulder. “I really do appreciate your critical outlook. Even if a lot of work has been put into it, there’s always room for improvement. If there are things that make you concerned when we talk to the others, I want us to be able to talk about it. I want to know what to look for so our orphanages can help more kids. So no one falls through the cracks.”

Kokichi took a breath, his lips trembling a little, though he kept his voice steady. “...You can’t go through life treating exceptions as the rule...I know. And...a-and Itch and Tom were...definitely exceptions. But their foster father was someone who could’ve helped them, was someone who should’ve helped them, but didn’t. That’s something to look at. Personally...I want to ask about how social workers and the caretakers at orphanages handle mental illness and neurodivergence in children. Not just for Bonus’ sake, since...things like their parents are going through isn’t genetic, but...for any kid. It’s an important thing to know how the system handles it.”

He had to take a few more breaths after that, calming himself back down. Some days, thinking about Aba and the brothers abstractly was fine. Other days...were like today. His therapist said trauma was like that. 

Being critical wasn’t a bad thing. You just needed to be informed enough for your criticism to actually make sense and be applicable. They needed to be more informed. 

Kokichi leaned his head against Shuuichi’s shoulder, resting his eyes. “...I love you. We’ll figure this out.”

Shuuichi leaned his head back against Kokichi’s, “Okay… I love you too. Thank you. I’ll… I promise to not keep secrets from either of you anymore. You both could have helped me with this back when Maki left… I only made it harder trying to do it on my own. I’ll trust in you more.”

“Heck yeah! Look at you two go!” Kaito said, beaming at them… before glancing at the clock. “Um… speaking of being responsible and there for children and stuff… the kids are going to be waiting to meet up with us soon.”

“Nooooooo.”

“We’re just going on a walk! It’ll be good for you! Fresh air! It’ll help steady out your emotions! We’ll go really slow!”

“Kokichi, save me.” Shuuichi whimpered.

Kokichi opened an eye, looking over at the clock and grimacing. Had they really been talking that long? ...he supposed so; there had been a lot to talk about. He let out a deep sigh. 

“...I’m not exactly feeling my best either…” And weren’t those words bitter to say. “But...Shuu-chan’s gonna have to walk to campus later anyway. Can’t that count as his walk? And...we can just get some air? I don’t think lying in bed will do much for me, so air sounds nice. I could...probably handle a walk, but if Shuu-chan’s not feeling great either…”

Kokichi snuggled closer to his boyfriend, raising an eyebrow. “...Miya’s still still, or are ya feeling anything?”

Kaito gave both of them unimpressed looks. Come on, you guys, it was literally just walking around the yard a bit… well, to be fair, they had both been woken up way too early…. Hmmmm… Kaito huffed. “Fine. Sleep in today. But I’m taking you both for a walk later today then. A little bit of moving around and blood flowing will be better for you both then moving from bed, to sitting at your desks all day, to bed again.”

“Like Kokichi said, I have to walk to and from the campus either way…”

Kaito remained unimpressed. Shuuichi pouted at him… before looking a little startled at Kokichi’s question. Placing a hand on his stomach as he said, “No, not yet...I imagine it’s not far off yet though. Miya herself’s only started developing recently, but, well, according to Seiko, she’s going to be growing a little every day. All the development that in a normal pregnancy would have happened months ago really going off… trust me.” Shuuichi laughed lightly, “I’d tell you if I felt her move.”

...as much as some fresh air sounded nice, taking it easy and going from bed to desk to bed sounded...kind of nice. He was just...so tired these days. Again, not in a scary way, and he’d been checking in with his healers and drinking tea whenever he felt something that might develop...but still. He just...wasn’t quite feeling like himself lately. 

But he’d committed to training, so there was no getting out of at least some form of exercise. 

Gently, Kokichi reached out to stroke Shuuichi’s tummy too, looking up at his boyfriend with soft affection. “I know you’ll probably be happier when she’s staying still...but I’m kind of excited? It’s...it’s like when we listen to her heartbeat, but in a new way. Something bigger. Like she’s calling out to us that she’s right here…”

Kokichi nuzzled at Shuuichi’s shoulder again, closing his eyes as they got a bit wet. “I really can’t wait to meet her…”

Kaito felt his indignation at them skipping training drain out at the tired murmurs of his husband, and he leaned forward, running a hand through his hair and kissing him on the temple. “You two should go back to sleep. I’ll come back and wake you guys up when it’s time to start thinking about getting to school and going to work, okay? Just get some rest. This morning was hard. I’m very proud of both of you. I love you guys, okay?”

“Love you too, Kaito.” Shuuichi said softly, before yawning, also kissing the top of Kokichi’s head as he said, “He’s right. Let’s lay down… I’m sure Miya’s been annoyed with all of us all morning. Sleepy baby and her sleepy parents…”

Shuuichi encouraged Kokich to lay with him, and he held him. Honestly, genuinely feeling hugely reassured after all that, as hard as the conversation itself had been. He had been terrified to tell them the truth, knowing there was no easy way to talk about any of that… but Kokichi and Kaito hadn’t let him down. They had both told him they’d figure this out with him, and he believed them. He just had to trust in them. It’d be okay.

-

It had been a mild struggle, and Kaito had felt bad, but a few hours later he managed to rouse Kokichi and Shuuichi from their sleep, encouraging the two of them to get up and get dressed for their respective days. Shuuichi fought hardest, but honestly, Kaito thought he did that because he liked Kaito fussing at him. His blue haired partner enjoyed being doted on, even if he was loathe to admit it, and he gave Kaito these amused, affectionate looks when Kaito finally managed to coax him out of bed. Kokichi, in turn…

He really seemed genuinely tired.

Kaito ate at his lunch in the dining hall, glancing at the door every now and again to see if Kokichi was coming down from the office now or in the later part of lunch. He hadn’t seen him yet. He tried not to bother Kokichi during lunch. So long as Kokichi assured him he was eating every day? Then Kaito tried not to monopolize Kokichi’s time during the work day. He got Kokichi time before and after work, he didn’t need to hassle him in the middle of it too, dragging him to lunch when Kaito was ready to eat.

Not that it wasn’t a happy coincidence, if Kokichi and Nadya just happened to come down for lunch at the same time as Kaito was eating.

That was alright. Waku was down in the dining hall that day, and Kaito decided to take the opportunity to ask her about the program growing up, from her experience. And her answers were a little odd. It really didn’t sound like she had been assigned any specific caretaker growing up, but more just became a ward of the castle. She didn’t seem to mind the way she grew up though, and spoke of Ikuo, in particular, fondly as someone who had looked out for her growing up. Other than that? Beyond schedules appointments of therapy and people checking in on her, it sort of sounded like she was left to raise herself. Though, considering her previous situation, maybe that was just the best option available for a little Waku.

Still… Kaito tried to imagine little baby Bonus growing up without that family support… or, at least the kind of family support Kaito liked to imagine… adults you could trust. Maybe some doting, spoiling grandparents. The aunt and uncles who would behave more like friends… if he could have a say in it, he’d want Bonus to have someone actually in their life, devoted to them… maybe with some siblings-

Their lunch was interrupted, when a small, young housekeeper named Kerry tapped on Kaito’s shoulder and, apologizing, said he had a phone call, and the person on the other end made it sound really, really urgent. Could you come right away?

Kaito was confused for half a second as he bid Waku a good day, thanking her for sharing her story. Who would be calling him… Maki? No, Kerry said, it was, uh, a very angry sounding man-

Oh. Fuck. Fuck.

Kaito remembered halfway to getting to the phone room that he had been supposed too… shit… he had forgotten…

Reserving himself for what was likely going to be a very upsetting conversation, Kaito picked up the phone. Throwing on a grin in habit, gripping the phone tight as already he felt a line of sweat at his hairline, thanking the housekeeper as Terry left him to it. “Oh… Byakuya! Hey! I-”

“Silence.”

 Kaito closed his eyes, and though he’d never admit it to anyone, he felt an awful little shock of fear run up his spine… which was stupid… Byakuya would never hurt him. And you shouldn’t be afraid of just a little yelling. Or, angry orders, or whatever this was going to end up being. 

(...his neck hurt…)

Rubbing the back of his neck, trying to unstiffen the muscles there as they uncomfortably tightened, he listened quietly as Byakuya continued, “Do you know what you did wrong?”

“Um… I forgot to call yesterday… I’m really sor-”

“What else?”

Kaito frowned, trying to think. “...I didn’t go to medical like you asked me to.”

“I didn’t ask. I told you to do that.”

“Yeah…I’m sor-”

“Why didn’t you go? What kept you from calling me.”

“I… yesterday was kind of full-”

“Are you injured?”

Kaito sighed. This was going to be one of those conversations where he wasn’t going to be allowed to finish a sentence, huh. Sure, fine… “No, I’m fine, it’s not like-”

“Who told you not to contact me?”

Kaito hesitated, a little… baffled. “What?”

“I told you to call me yesterday. You did not. Someone over-rode what I told you.” Byakuya reasoned out, sounding furious, “... have you been in contact with the Head Secretary?”

“No! No, I’d have told you-”

“Who told you not to contact me then? King Aiichi? Prince Kokichi?”

“Byakuya, please, I just forgot, I’m really sorr-”

“Go fetch your husband. I need to speak to him.”

“...uh…. What?”

“Now, Kaito.”

Kaito tried to imagine a conversation between Byakuya and Kokichi right now, Byakuya accusing his husband of telling Kaito something or another that would keep him from calling, Kokichi getting more and more frustrated and angry, which would frustrate Byakuya, the two of them feeding each other… nnnnng… 

...would a conversation like that hurt Kokichi, right now? His husband had an unfortunate habit of screaming after even having mostly uneventful conversations with his brother… talking to Byakuya put Kokichi in a foul mood… he was so tired lately…

Twisting the cord nervously, Kaito said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“...what!?”

“Kokichi hasn’t been feeling great lately, Byakuya. I don’t know if I should ask him to get on the phone. I mean… he’s not really involved in this anyway…”

“Kaito, are you misunderstanding me? This is not a request. I am ordering you to bring your husband to the phone.”

“Um… um…”

Kaito rubbed the back of his neck. It hurt… he could feel his breaths starting to come in uneven. He was going to make this worse… he was going to make everything worse… maybe he was misunderstanding something… what was happening right now? He needed someone to tell him what was happening… 

(In Kaito’s head, a very annoyed red headed woman grabbed her sword and started chopping aggressively at a bunch of red ribbons wrapping around her charge. Where the fuck did these things keep coming from?? Honestly, little fucking weeds...)

The hands against his neck muscles eased the strain a little. He felt his head clear up a bit. “...Byakuya, I really don’t want you to yell at my husband just because I forgot to call you. It was a mistake. I’m really sorry. But I really just forgot. No one told me not to call you.”

“...you will have a healer do a full examination over you. Everything. Something is wrong with you. You will do this today. Do you understand, Kaito? Repeat it back to me.”

Kaito sighed, honestly relieved… it sounded like Byakuya was moving on from the Kokichi thing, at least. “I’ll go speak to a healer today. I’ll ask for a full examination. I’ll ask my family doctor, Seiko, to do it, okay? I promise.”

“You will call me tomorrow with news of how the exam went.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow with how the exam went. I won’t forget this time. I’ll go to Seiko right after this conversation, okay? I’m sorry.”

“...Hm.” Byakuya grunted. “Get it done immediately.”

Kato felt his whole body relax when the phone went dead. Okay… okay… that hadn’t been so bad…

Hanging up the phone, Kaito took a deep breath, and then headed out to town.

-

Kokichi and Nadya both looked a little tired when they came down to lunch, but each had a sort of satisfied look on their faces. They’d done it… Post-winter risk assessment for every community in the country was finished… Of course, they’d have all the stuff Kokichi had explained before to get started on, but for now, they could relax and take pride in a task finished. 

Kokichi looked around the dining hall, trying to see if Kaito was there--it did happen occasionally, their lunch times lining up--but didn’t feel too put out when he couldn’t see the spiky tower of red. Instead, though, he did see someone else he wanted to talk to. Telling Nadya he’d join her in a minute, Kokichi scuttled over to Haneda, still finding it weird to see the woman with her mask pulled down. 

“Hey, Haneda-chan! Don’t mean to bother you for long, but I was hoping to ask you something?”

While her nod was polite, the young woman gave Kokichi a very blunt ‘well, get on with it’ sort of look. 

Lowering his voice a little, Kokichi offered a calmer smile. “We’re going to be sponsoring a baby that’s gonna be born in spring, and we’re trying to find parents. Kai-chan and Shuu-chan aren’t...really familiar with how everything works in Dicea, so we were hoping you’d be willing to talk about your childhood and answer some questions they might have about how orphanages and adoption policy works? I know it’s pretty personal but--”

“Fine.” Haneda huffed, wiping her mouth before pulling her mask back up to talk. Even the anecdotes about his time in the military were slowing down, but Tim had never really talked much about his orphanage in Luminary, at least with her. But from the little she had to work with, it wasn’t surprising that Kaito and Shuuichi would be anal about this too. “You know I pick Tim up from school, and we work on his homework for a bit after snack time, but after that I should be free to talk. Just let me know.”

Kokichi beamed. “Thanks! I’ll let you get back to your lunch!” The two exchanged nods before Haneda did just that and Kokichi headed back to Nadya. He didn’t know if Kaito had already talked to Aiichi, but maybe he could swing by his office and ask if he’d be free some evening…

-

Well, that had been embarrassing.

Gee whiz, Kaito, sure,I can give you an examination, but is something hurting? No? Uh, okay… was there something you were worried about in general? No? Are you just vaguely worried about something and want to get it checked on? No? Then why…

Kaito, through a grin that was mostly teeth, had explained that he had been feeling a little unfocused lately, and that, uh… his brother didn’t… like it. 

Could you fix it?

Ugh… she had been nice about it, but Kaito had felt a little ridiculous admitting that. She had asked him some questions, gave him a visual look-over, took his temperature. Kaito had admitted that sometimes lately he felt a little foggy in his thinking, but hadn’t been surprised when Seiko hadn’t had much to offer him other than to tell him to contact her if he felt like it was getting worse. Otherwise? He seemed unchanged since their last exam.

Oh well… at least he could tell Byakuya he really had gone to do an exam now. And he had been able to make certain this months worth of funds had safely made it to her accounts! Good! And, she had grabbed a blood sample, just to check on the spore count again. All the blood tests had been coming back negative for spores for awhile now, but they were still getting tested pretty regularly. 

Grabbing a bread and a coffee on the way home, Kaito decided to see if he could intercept Kokichi and Shuuichi on their way home from Kokichi picking up Shuuichi. If Kokichi had decided to pick up Shuuichi today, anyway. Hopefully his husband was feeling better from this morning at least…

Kaito had grinned at seeing his husband waiting in the usual spot at the university, and felt his stomach warm as Kokichi’s face lit up at spotting Kaito. Saying hello to Drake as the class let out, the two nabbed Shuuichi, asking him how class went, Kaito asking Kokichi about the latest in work. When asked about his own day, Kaito talked vaguely about talking to Byakuya and swinging by to say hi to Seiko, not much else.

And then, Kokichi told them he had talked to Haneda, and she was up to talking to them today. Kaito, remembering he had talked to Waku now, informed them both of what she had explained, and the trio decided to talk to Haneda as soon as she was available.

Kokichi was certainly feeling more awake than that morning, and though he still had some of that persistent sluggishness, he was happily walking along with Shuuichi’s hand in his as they headed back home. “We’ll probably have a chunk of time before Tim’s ready to not be around adults anymore, so Shuu-chan will have some time to chill out and maybe work on homework before we meet up. And...I think most of what we’ll talk about can be on the fly, but if you guys have specific questions, it might be worth to, like, write them down so we can remember to ask.”

“And...I didn’t get to talk to my dad, but he’s usually less busy in the evenings, just as a general rule. Might be worth swinging by and seeing if he has the time to talk, maybe after we talk with Haneda-chan, or even after dinner.” 

Kokichi smirked a bit, not having scathingly insulted his father in a long time, but still happy to take the occasional jab. “I have a better and more consistent sleep schedule than him now, I found out. If I didn’t know he’d react so boringly, I might get all high and mighty and suggest that he start taking better care of himself. He’s not a young man anymore, after all, and he should really be paying attention to his health.” Kokichi snickered lowly, not really planning on saying all that to his father, but enjoying the daydream of it nonetheless. 

“There was a study I read from Novoselic that people in life-long relationships live longer than people who spend most of their life single, entirely because having a permanent live-in partner tends to encourage healthier lifestyle choices and are more intimately aware of signs of illness and general degradation in their partner, thus catching warning signs earlier.” Shuuichi mused, squeezing Kokichi’s hands idly.

Kaito snorted, “I think I heard a joke about that in an open mic-night once. Something like, if your wife suddenly stops nagging you to stop smoking, slow down your drinking, or to stop taking risks? She’s not suddenly chilled out, she’s just decided she’s gonna try again with the next guy when your dumb ass finally dies.” Leaning down to give Kokichi a kiss at his temple, he said, “The king wants to keep up with you, babe? He needs to get himself some tail… but forget that. Why isn’t Ikuo dating??”

“Why do you say it like that?’ Shuuichi asked, raising an eyebrow at Kaito, who gave him an equally baffled.

“Cause...Ikuo’s super hot?? Like, smoking?? And crazy cute to boot? He could get anyone he wanted!” Kaito insisted, entirely sincere in every word. “He’s finally back from the war, he’s settled back into being a civilian… guy needs to start playing the field!”

Kokichi sobered a bit at that. It was fun, teasing and all, but...even at the greatest point of his anger towards Aiichi, he’d never wanted the man dead. He’d never even wished illness on him, spitefully wishing his own stifled circumstances on him. In some ways, that could be due to how untouchable Aiichi had always seemed to Kokichi, but...still. 

...he wasn’t sure his father would even think of dating again. There was always, just...so much to do. 

Ikuo on the other hand. 

Kokichi grimaced a bit, putting a hand over his face. “Could you??? Not talk about how hot my dad is in front of me??? It’s weird…”

...it was weird thinking about his dad’s romantic life, period, honestly. His brow furrowing a little, Kokichi slowly lowered his hand. “I...actually have no idea if Ikuo’s ever dated anyone before. I don’t even know what sort of people he likes… I’ve known I was gay for, like, ever, and we’ve talked about that, but...I don’t think Dad’s ever talked about his own love life with me.”

Kokichi’s lips thinned a little, finding that realization a little worrying, but he conceded, “I guess it is kind of a weird thing to talk to your kid about…”

“Come on, babe, I’m paying you a compliment! You come from good genes!”

“There’s a fundamental issue with that argument.” Shuuichi mused.

“Though, for him to have never dated anyone… sounds like how you were, Shuuichi.” Kaito mused, looking over to Shuuichi, who shrugged a little. “You think maybe he just doesn’t get attracted to people?

“Asexual? It’s possible. Or, he could simply have not told the small child Kokichi was when Ikuo was around that he was dating.” Shuuichi theorized, as they got back into the castle. “Either ones entirely plausible. If I hadn’t been willing to spy on her, I’d have never found out Miss Kirigiri occasionally dated.”

“What!? No! How have I not heard about this before!? I don’t believe you, I can’t even imagine her being sweet with anyone, let alone dating… like, how do you even flirt with a woman like her? She’s a steel trap! A brick wall! An iron fortress!” Kaito paused, before looking at Shuuichi curiously, “What’s her type?”

“If the person I saw her having a rendezvous with was any indication? Blue haired women. And, to be clear, I wasn’t trying to peek in on her dating. I thought when I was eleven that Miss Kirigiri was investigating a conspiracy against the throne, and I was… curious about it. I wanted to be a part of her investigations, so I followed her to what I thought was a ‘secret meeting’... but, nope. She was very clearly on a date.” Shuuichi sighed, lowering his hat a little, clearly still embarrassed by it.

“...how clearly?” Kaito asked, grinning.

“Extremely clearly.” Shuuichi groaned.

Kokichi nodded slightly. And while it didn’t exactly feel great, being a full-time nanny to a chronically ill, fragile young child that was the occasional target of assassins and was pretty prevalent in the social consciousness was...well, he could see it not leaving a lot of space to try meeting people. Or, he just could’ve genuinely not been interested, and instead found fulfilling connections through being the castle dad. Anything was plausible, and Kokichi wasn’t exactly rearing to ask his dad if he’d been thinking about getting back into the dating scene. 

Though, asking might be a little less embarrassing than seeing a date going on in person. 

Kokichi chuckled softly, his cheeks turning pink just from Shuuichi’s secondhand embarrassment. But not enough to let his boyfriend off the hook, even if the joy from gossip wasn’t very potent, considering he’d never met Miss Kirigiri. “What, did they call each other by first names at first greeting? Did they kiss?”

“And...is a hair-color much of a type? Do you remember what the woman was like at all, or did you tap out and try to get away as soon as you saw it was a date?”

“I caught them in a back alley trying to eat each others tongues.” Shuuichi said dyly, entirely dead inside. “I got the impression they dated before, there was a few ‘Oh I’ve missed you’ sorts of things, but trust me, I didn’t stick around long enough to learn much else beyond what color her hair was, and that she’s a very aggressive kisser.”

“Hot damn! Good on ya, Miss Kirigiri. Wait, was she pretty?”

“She wasn’t ugly.”

“Miss Kirigiri, making out with hot ladies in secret back alley rendezvous… I’d have never guessed it.” Kaito chuckled, shaking his head, “Though, awwww, if this is someone your mentor saw regularly. You ever catch her on another date?”

“Never risked following her again. I was traumatized. Kissing had never looked so unappealing to me. I don’t think they could even breath.”

“Sounds like a damn good kiss to me.” Kaito shrugged, smirking a little.

The pink on Kokichi’s face went a few shades towards red at Shuuichi’s answer, understanding immediately why even Shuuichi’s insatiable curiosity didn’t have him lingering around. Letting out a little embarrassed breath, Kokichi shook his head a little. “Like...good for Miss Kirigiri, but sheesh… Traumatized is accurate. I’m kinda glad I never knew if my dads were dating now. Honestly, seeing Lake-nee and Aunty Nazumi together was enough of a barf fest, growing up.”

Kokichi hugged Shuuichi’s arm, trying to make up for the trauma of the past by nuzzling his shoulder furiously. “I know we have time, but we seriously need to figure out the lock policy we’ll have once Miya’s old enough to be settled in her own room. I am not traumatizing our daughter like that.”

“I’d say we implement a ‘sock’ policy, but, well… might be hard to convey to a curious three year old why you don’t open doors with socks on them…”

“I think we just need to resign ourselves to being sexless, passionless husks of people. Like every parent should be.” Shuuichi said bravely, ignoring Kaito’s look of horror and offense.

“What!? No! I can’t! I’ll wither up and die!”

“Kaito, shhhh. Don’t yell stuff like that in the halls.”

“What if we just got real good at going reaaaal quick? Take our windows of opportunity when we can get them! We could find a closet right now and practice!”

“I say we just hire a baby-sitter and go on ‘date nights’. We’ll have a planned out schedule. Problem solved.”

“Five minutes in a closet! Ten, tops! We can get it done!”

“Kaito, shush.”

Kokichi snorted hard at Shuuichi’s declaration, loud enough to draw a few looks even before Kaito cried out his lament. Considering the frustration that had gotten to them up until recently, Kokichi wasn’t sure how well swearing off sex-completely would work, but...being spontanuous was almost asking for a horrifying accident…

“I like the idea of date-nights,” he piped up, choosing to...not comment on Kaito’s solution. “We have plenty of people to ask to baby-sit, and even if we don’t spend the night like that… I was talking with Temp the other day, and he said it’s a good idea to give yourself kid-free times every now and then. Just letting us be...us together without going into dad-mode. I’m excited to raise Miya and watch her grow up...but you still do need time to be yourself too.”

And it was probably true for all parents, but Kokichi couldn’t help feeling that it rang true even more for them since they were so young. Kokichi was ready to put his all into being a dad, but...he was still figuring out himself. He refused to let his own problems overshadow raising Miya, but...he still needed a little space every now and then to figure himself out. And figuring out his relationship with Kaito and Shuuichi was a part of that too. 

“I mean, date nights could also work.” Kaito conceded, his eyes lingering on random, closet-looking doorways far too keenly. “If you don’t want a quick-”

“Kaito. You’re here.” Shuuichi said, raising his hand above his head, waiting for his boyfriends eyes to follow his hand, “Yeah, see? You’re here? I need you to be waaaay down here.” Shuuichi said, lowering his hand down to his waist.

Kaito looked at the lowered hand… before smirking, “If you’re asking me to get on my knees, I’m not opposed-”

“Oh my god. Go to your shrine and take care of this. I don’t want you to still be like this when we talk to Haneda.”

“Come with me.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

“Actually, forget the shrine. Where can I get some ice cold water? Shuuichi muttered, looking around, “That’ll solve this.”

Kokichi sighed, letting go of Shuuichi’s arm for a moment, taking a few hopping steps to walk in front of Kaito. There was a pout on his face despite the serious look otherwise, and he put his hands on his hips as he stared up at Kaito. His voice was carefully soft, making sure no one would overhear. 

“Kai-chan? Neither of us are in the mood right now. But if you still are tonight, and you can get your horny energy underwraps while we talk to Haneda-chan and Aiichi--about, yanno, making sure there aren’t corrupt policies or loopholes in the adoption and orphanage systems--then I’ll blow you.” 

Kokichi’s expression didn’t change, though his cheeks burned bright. “Deepthroating as much as I can.”

Kaito had deflated at first, thinking he was about to get a lecture on being too pushy-- he had been joking! Mostly! Like, seventy percent joking!-- when Kokichi suddenly did a 180 and-

“Eeeee.” Kaito said very, very softly, grinning wide, trying to swallow his excitement and bouncing slightly at his back heels, looking for a second like a kid who had just been brought into a candy store. But then he stopped, running his hands through his hair and taking a deep breath, saying, his voice stern and suave, “Yes, yes, of course. Important orphanage discussions that will affect how we approach making certain Bonus will be looked after and well taken care of! I’m entirely focused on that! That is what I am one hundred percent thinking about right now.”

Shuuichi flushed at Kokichi’s offer, looking around in alarm to see if anyone was around to overhear him, before sighing, not seeing anyone in the hallway. “You spoil him, you know that?” Shuuichi told Kokichi quietly, ignoring the way Kaito laughed at the declaration, the red-head looking on cloud-nine. “I still think we should find a storage closet and dunk his head in the sink.”

“That’s because my Shuuichi is very, very mean.” Kaito laughed, leaning over to kiss Shuuichi on the cheek, “And my Kokichi is very, very sweet. Thankfully, I find both those qualities very attractive. It’s all about the confidence!”

“The confidence to dunk you in a sink or blow you respectively?”

“Yeah, kinda? You made a choice and seem fully committed to it! Either way, that’s hot as hell! ...I do like Kokichi’s choice more though, if I’m being entirely impartial.”

“You’re not.”

“We should go find Haneda! It’s foster dad time!” Kaito declared, before giving Kokichi a wink, “Gotta get your head out of the gutter, ‘Kichi. We have important things to talk about!”

Kokichi let out a breath and dropped his expression, shaking his head a bit. “I’ve always believed more in positive reinforcement, if I’m honest. Our Kai-chan needs goals to work toward every now and then. I figured we’d probably do something tonight anyway, so it’s no great concession to me.”

Rolling his eyes a little, Kokichi went back to his spot on Shuuichi’s arm, and the trio headed out to find Haneda. 

-

The four of them ended up taking a parlor to themselves, wanting some discretion for the conversation and Haneda refusing to do it in one of their rooms. They could actually use the meeting rooms for meetings, instead of bundling every mood and conversation into one area.

Kicking her heavy boots up onto a side table, Haneda shot a glare at Kaito and Shuuichi. “So? Kokichi said you wanted to know about orphanages. What do you want to know?”

Kaito looked around curiously… weird… having a potentially serious conversation… not at the vanity desk? Or the window seat? For gods sake, not even the bathtub??

It was like they were savages. Really. Shameful.

“Well… we had some general concerns about…” Kaito glanced at Shuuichi, who looked a little reserved and grim. “... living conditions? How you were treated by the staff? Did you have any major concerns, growing up in the orphanage? Or, if not you, anything you saw happening to other wards of the kingdom? Anything that upset or worried you, that would be something to look out for when it comes to future children entering the program?”

“We could understand if there were things you’d rather not talk about, Haneda.” Shuuichi suddenly added. Giving her a wary look. “If you didn’t want to elaborate for any reason? We’d take any general warnings seriously. We have a child that we’re trying to keep out of harms way. Anything you could tell us about the program will help with that…”

Haneda scoffed quietly but thought for a moment. It’d been a while since she put much thought to the orphanage itself… “It depends on the place, and how many kids are there, but it’s more likely for the older kids to have rooms to themselves if they need to double up any. Doesn’t happen that often, at least where I lived, since a lot of the kids wanted to room up with a friend or sibling. Most the rooms are big enough that having two beds and dressers and all that stuff doesn’t make it feel too crowded. There was a girl my age, when I was...fifteen or something, that was roomed with me. She was only there for about two months before she got adopted, and we mostly stayed out of each other’s ways. Wasn’t too hard to, even sharing a room.”

“The babies have the smallest rooms, but it’s not like they have a concept of space anyway,” she shrugged. “They always tried to staff it one-to-one, but sometimes a caretaker would be looking after three infants--some of the older kids tried to help out then. Babies are the most popular to adopt, though, so most don’t end up staying long.”

Haneda thought for another moment, something almost like...regret in her steely gaze. “...I never really appreciated the caretakers while I was there. Even up until I moved out they were always kind to me, made an effort to talk to me like an individual, rather than...fucking, kid two-thousand and four, or whatever. Sure, I never saw any of them as parents, or even as friends, but…” Her glare deepened, though it looked self-directed. Saying something that had quietly come as a revelation these past few months. “...I never felt like I didn’t have a home to come back to. I always knew that there’d be dinner on the table, and a safe place to patch myself back up. I just...took it all for granted and staked myself out to be some loner rebel.”

She scoffed more loudly this time. “But you didn’t ask about some fucking niche case. I guess...some of the older kids got jealous sometimes when a bunch of younger kids would get adopted, though the caretakers were on their asses to shut down bullying before it became anything more than a mean comment. And some kids would get too overwhelmed with one-on-one meetings with prospect parents, but they started having general “playtime” sessions where people looking to adopt could come by and play with most of the kids in a group setting. That was a relatively new thing while I was there, though.”

...Kaito and Shuuichi glanced at each other.

Uh…

...huh.

“Wow… staffed one to one, huh… huh.” Kaito said, just… lots of memories of the orphanage back in Luminary sort of flooding his brain, comparing with Haneda’s memories of her own orphanage experience. He glanced almost sheepishly again at Shuuichi, who just looked more and more… annoyed was a close word, but not quite right, with every word she said. Maybe exasperated was the right word. Or just… fed up, maybe…

Kaito reminded himself that Shuuichi hadn’t actually spent all that much time living in the orphanage back at home. Not that it made their conditions any less shameful. Just, well… maybe he didn’t have to feel as uncomfortably guilty as he did, as far as towards Shuuichi, specifically, as the ex-detective said, “Wow. Two people to a room… at its most high capacity…”

“That sounds good! That’s great, right, Shuuichi?”

“Yep. It does.” Shuuichi said dryly.

“So… it sounds like even the fact that you spent your whole childhood in the program, it really wasn’t bad at all then, huh Haneda? So, the worst case scenario for Bonus, being that even if he didn’t get adopted, he’d still get taken care of really well!” Kaito said, gently nudging Shuuichi, reminding him, “That’s good news. That’s great to hear!”

“Mmhm… you keep using ‘him’.” Shuuichi noticed, glancing at Kaito.

“I got the pronoun stuck in my head, I have a fifty-fifty chance, I’ll adjust if he turns out to be a she.” Kaito shrugged. “Okay, what else… oh! In your experience, Haneda, did you ever hear any troubling stories about kids who did get adopted out? Anyone who was ever sent back, or just troubling rumors? Things that would help us look out for potential red flags when it comes to adoptees who actually managed to adopt?”

“For the babies,” Haneda clarified. “For the older kids, the ratio was more like...five-to-one. We didn’t get assigned to a particular caretaker, but there were definitely favorites, and some kids latched onto an older kid and refused to have much to do with the caretakers. Considering some of them were people who had aged out of the orphanage and just came back to work at one, I have a feeling it was in part due to a case like that.” 

Haneda raised a bit of an eyebrow, knowing...enough that the concept of having a bad experience at an orphanage wasn’t totally out of left field, but...it was just weird. Though, she scoffed out a harsh laugh, positively sneering under her mask. “I suppose you’d call me one of those troubling rumors.”

At Kokichi’s concerned look, she waved the prince off. “To be fair, I was never adopted. The caretakers knew I wasn’t happy, so I was offered a chance to stay with foster families a few times. No blame on them, but I found out I’m not really a family gal--they’d always try to be, you know, parents, wanting to bond and spend time with a kid, and I’d pull my bullshit of sneaking out all the time to get into fights. They did their best, I guess, of trying to connect with me, but it never worked out, and I asked to go back to the orphanage every time. Let some kid who actually wanted that kind of stuff get the chance.”

“As for kids who were actually adopted…?” The housekeeper sighed, shrugging a little. “I was never really close with the other kids, so I can’t say for sure. But there were always letters coming in to friends, and most of the time the adopted kids would end up in the same school districts. Seemed happy enough to me.”

Kaito nodded along with Haneda, only glancing nervously at Shuuichi every now and again, the golden eyed man clearly lost in his head a little. Okay, that was fine. Kaito would make certain they had all the possible information. Shuuichi would get himself back together soon, Kaito was certain.

...even if he’d end up needing a little help. Kaito was okay with that. 

Not putting to much time into thinking about that, Kaito said to Haneda, “So, it sounds like you weren’t adopted, not because there weren’t enough adopters available, but more because you yourself weren’t that keen on the idea. Is that right? Was that common for people who aged out? It was more of a personal choice than any outside factors?”

Adjusting the band around her ear, Haneda shrugged again. “True enough for me, but I don’t think that was the rule. Like I said, babies are the most popular adoptees. Guess people like the idea of having a kid that only remembers them as their parents. As you get older, you start getting less people looking for kids your age. Foster families, though, tend to take in older kids more often than younger ones--some folks that like the idea of helping a kid or teen out without as much of a tie; least how I see it.”

“When I was in my teens, most of the others my age were more focused on figuring out what they wanted to do with their lives than...like, pining for someone to come adopt them, though I think there were more than a few who still had that hope. And it’s not that uncommon for someone who aged out to come back and adopt a friend or a younger sibling, even if they’re nineteen.”

She sighed, giving Kaito a beleaguered look. “I’m talking generally, but I was the only person there who was there from infancy ‘til I was twenty. There were only two other kids who were there long-term while I was. Most kids were in and out within a few months. When I talked with Lighthouse--the orphanage on the south side here--it seemed to be the same deal. People in Dicea fucking love to adopt their kids. If you’re watching over a kid until they’re adopted, I wouldn’t start imagining your lives together in terms of years.”

Honestly, most of this was relieving, even if incredibly depressing in context. Kaito found himself way less worried about how this whole process with Bonus, honestly. It really did sound like this was a fairly smooth process. He already intended to talk to the social worker as soon as he could, and getting Aiichi’s insight on anything Haneda herself might not know, just to have two opinions on it… Kaito was feeling pressure assured, between those three connections, that by the end of this, he’d have a solid idea of what Bonus could expect! 

Though, both he and Shuuichi looked surprised at roughly the same moment, though neither of them commented on it until Haneda took a breath… in which case it was finally Shuuichi who said, “...twenty?”

“Yeah… not thirteen?” Kaito asked. Making certain he wasn’t misunderstanding what she was saying.

Kokichi internally cringed, but just nodded as he softly replied, “Yeah, twenty is when you’re fully considered an adult, in Dicean law. Orphanages are required by law to care for kids until they’re twenty though...from what I’ve heard, they’re usually pretty lenient and help twenty-year-olds out until they can find a new place to live.”

Haneda on the other hand narrowed her eyes, subconsciously getting defensive on behalf of her kid, ready to fight anyone who said he needed to be self-sufficient by thirteen. “Luminous fuckin’ kids are considered adults by thirteen? My ass… Would fuckin’ kick the shit outta those so-called caretakers myself if Maki wouldn’t deck me into next year for leaving Tim.”

Huffing, she leveled a truly annoyed glare on Kaito and Shuuichi. “I booked it out of my hometown once I became of age, but I still spent a few weeks after the new year at the orphanage setting up my shit. Depending on when your birthday is and how much you’re actually trying to set your life up, some of my caretakers mentioned a kid staying almost until they were twenty-two trying to get things together. If they’re staying that long, though, may as well just get a job at the orphanage and stay indefinitely.”

“Well, calling them ‘adults’ isn’t technically accurate… that’s just when they age out of the Indentured Program really, and orphanages are all connected to that program…” Kaito said, reaching over to rub Shuuichi’s back a bit. “Good to know, though, good to know…”

...then, he looked at Kokichi in open shock. “Are you barely legal??”

Kokichi had gone to give his partners a worried look as Haneda just narrowed her eyes more--there was an aura starting to grow around her. Not the hot inferno of Maki, nor the biting cold of Shuuichi’s, but something...heavy and dangerous--before his eyes widened in shock. Then looked a little to the side as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I meant...technically. When you turn eighteen, most people on the whole will socially consider you an adult, but for legal purposes, it’s not until you’re twenty. That’s partly why everyone planned the wedding for the end of summer, to make sure I was of age for it.”

“Oh…” Kaito said, still absentmindedly rubbing Shuuichi’s back, considering this new information. “...weirdly creepy. But! Only in context, I guess! Glad I didn’t technically have a child bride! Ha ha ha! ... eh. I need a coffee.”

“Me too.” Shuuichi sighed.

“You had a coffee this morning. How about a green tea, handsome?”

“...sure…” Shuuichi grumbled… before looking at Haneda’s increasingly heavy aura. Seemed like maybe she was upset with how Luminary handled it’s own orphanages, if that was why she looked so disgruntled. Well, that was understandable. It was upsetting. 

And if she wanted to be upset with them specifically… well, why not. Let her be.

Bowing his head to her, Shuuichi said, “Thank you for taking the time to share your story. This was incredibly helpful, Haneda. We really do appreciate it.”

“Yeah, for real! This has been a huge concern for us, and getting a first hand account has been hugely reassuring! Thank you so much!” Kaito agreed, following Shuuichi’s lead.

Kokichi made a face, grumbling about he was ‘a damn adult, he’d consented in a meaningful way, socially and lawfully, not a damn bride’. 

Huffing, Haneda gave a nod to the men in return. “Yeah, sure. Hope you can find a good family for the kid.” ...though she really didn’t know why they were doing it, and why they had sponsored a baby when they had one of their own on the way during the same time, but...the family was kinda batshit. Not news to her. 

“Apparently there’s some sort of presentation project that’s coming up in Tim’s class, so he’ll probably ask if the girls can come over, or him to one of their places soon,” she added, giving Kaito another nod. “You know he hates stuff like that, so maybe offer to have them give the presentation to you as practice. Might help get his nerves out.” Tim was rarely nervous when it came to impressing his dad, so Kaito should be one of the best practice audiences for something like that.

“Man, another presentation? Are they doing one of those a month or something, I swear his class just did one. Alright, thanks for the heads up, I’ll talk about it with him at dinner.”  Kaito assured her, “Maybe I can look over the requirements with him this afternoon, give him someone to bounce ideas off of first…”

Another presentation. Poor kid. Maybe Kaito could do something nice for him this weekend, balance it all out a bit. The snow was starting to melt a little, maybe a trip to the park or something? Kaito would look around. Or maybe just ask Tim if there was something he’d been wanting to do lately. 

Thanking Haneda again, the trio headed out… and Shuuichi let out a small sigh. “Well… well… that’s good…”

Shuchi sounded so despondent. Kaito was quick to offer, “Wanna grab our caffeine, and we can take a break in my shrine? Take an hour before moving onto Aiichi? I don’t mind man.”

Shuuichi hesitated. “...no, I… that’s not fair on you…”

“I’m fine! I’m not worried about it! Come onnn… I’m a Momota… you’ll feel beeeetterrrr…” Kaito coaxed, grinning at Shuuichi and nudging him.

“I don’t think I will. And it’s fine either way. It’s good, how… much better the orphanages are here… and Luminary isn’t my problem anymore. It shouldn’t bother me, comparing the two.”

Kokichi walked out with his guys, and for a conversation he’d been pretty confident about...he still felt drained. Worried about how Shuuichi was taking this, even...if it was stuff he’d been expecting. Kokichi looked over, not feeling very uplifted by Kaito’s playful nudges either

Gently, Kokichi found one of Shuuichi’s hands, holding it delicately. “...it’s what you said before, right? That with communication between Luminary and Dicea, it’ll inspire people to make changes they want to see in their communities. If it does bother you to compare them, then...there will be other people who think the same, right? And that will make things change.”

...he wasn’t sure this was the right thing at all to say to Shuuichi, especially...from a Dicean. Who had never been an orphan. But…

Sighing softly, Kokichi rubbed one of his eyes. “It’s still kind of early… I think Aiichi might still be busy. In the meantime I...think I wanna take a nap. Gotta be all rested up for later, right?”

Shuuichi nodded lightly, “Yeah… maybe it’ll just be different someday… that would be good.”

Shuuichi still seemed pretty down and out. It wasn’t that Kokichi’s words were wrong, or unappreciated. It was just… too late for Shuuichi. For everyone Shuuichi had known. They had lived in filth and danger and squalor while… just across the border…

… why had Luminary kids been so… unlucky? Why had they gotten nothing while their neighbors had gotten everything… they hadn’t done anything wrong…

“...you sure you won’t mind?” Shuuichi asked Kaito, who just grinned brighter, giving him a wink in return.

“Nope! Not at all! All about it!”

Shuuichi nodded… before looking over at Kokichi. Pulling him into a hug as he said, “Get some sleep. I’m sorry for being so down. That all really was good news. I’m just not in the correct headspace to appreciate it yet. But I’ll feel better once I’m done feeling sorry for myself. That all really was good. Do you want us to wake you up for dinner?”

Hopefully...the revolutionaries really did succeed in tearing down the Indentured Program. Without the program...well, the orphanages wouldn’t be tied to it, so hopefully things would get better for the kids in them. Really, not being sent into a pipeline to become brainwashed slaves was already leagues better...but better just in terms of the orphanages too. 

Kokichi hugged Shuuichi tight, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Apologizing for the past and trying to be hopeful for the future, all conveyed through touch. “I’m happy it’s looking like we can give Bonus the best chance… Yeah, I should eat. Thank you, Shuu-chan. I’ll see you guys later. Love you.”

He was reluctant to let go of Shuuichi, but he did, just giving his boyfriend’s arms another squeeze before he headed off towards their room, while Shuuichi and Kaito continued upstairs.

-

“...you know, on second thought, I don’t really wanna do this.”

“You’re sure? I really don’t mind. If it’d make you feel better-”

“I don’t think it would… I don’t even really like seeing you like that. You can get up.”

Kaito sighed, but sat up from his submission bow, giving Shuuichi a sheepish look. “I know you’ve said you hate it before, but it’s not a real one… just, ya know… symbolically-”

“I don’t want to hit or yell at you, Kaito. It’s not your fault.” Shuuichi sighed, sitting down next to him, sliding down against the wall… before looking annoyed with himself. “There’s bean bags all over this room. Why did I sit on the floor?”

“I wasn’t gonna say anything, but, well, it’s done now.” Kaito chuckled, adjusting himself to sit against the wall with him… before saying, “I know you wouldn’t really-”

“Why didn’t you offer to spar me instead?” Shuuichi asked. “That’s usually what you offer. That’s what I thought you were offering when you brought me in here.”

“Spar my pregnant boyfriend? Am I crazy? I’d rather cut my dick off then even pretend I’d hit you back.” Kaito said, looking grim at the idea, “Nah, figured a submission bow would fulfil the point without all the extra stuff. Like… I’m a Momota, man. If you’re angry at Luminary, you can just hit me-”

“It wouldn’t make me feel better.”

“Okay.” Kaito finally relented, sighing. “...do you wanna talk about it?”

“Ooooooh, woe is meeeee… orphan kids here had it sooooo much beeeetter than me that it made me mad. I’m apparently the kind of asshole who’d rather everyone suffered, then thinking it was just me alone.” Shuuichi said, rolling his eyes at himself. “Yeah. Great. Love talking about that.”

“...I mean, I’m not going to judge you for it.” Kaito shrugged, looking up idly at his posters of his saints. “Maybe don’t whine about it to… well, I guess any Diceans… or, well, anyone else around us in general, I guess… yeah I guess maybe just me. And Maki when she gets back.”

“If she gets back.”

Kaito sighed, resting his head against Shuich’s shoulder. “I wish you wouldn’t say stuff like that.”

“I wish we hadn’t grown up in Luminary.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s not your fault.”

“‘I’m a Momota. It’s kinda my fault. My family is responsible for… basically everything, good or bad.”

“Right. Obviously. Go, fix Luminary, immediately. I order you as your partner.”

“... maybe I could talk to Byakuya-”

“Don’t. I’m kidding. Or, being mean. Don’t feel like there’s something you could actually do.” Shuuichi sighed, “You’re just going to drive yourself crazy, like Maki and Kokichi. I can be angry at Luminary without being angry at you. Momota or not.”

“I don’t think talking to Byakuya would be me ‘being crazy’.” Kaito murmured, “...but okay. But you can whine to me about ‘selfish’ stuff, if you want. I’m not judging you for it.”

“...I’m irrationally angry at a bunch of kids who also lost their parents growing up in fucking paradise while I lived in a closet with a mentor who apparently never gave a shit about me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop that, I don’t want to hear that. I’m angry that apparently life could have been perfect had I just been born farther east. I’m pissed that our neighbors always had enough to eat, had every benefit imaginable growing up, never wanted for love or affection or safety… why didn’t we get that? What did we do wrong!?”

“I don’t know.” Kaito said honestly, a tired look on his face. “Guess it’s just… a difference between being led by a Momota or an Ouma. Sorry…”

“Stop apologizing.”

“Sorry.”

“Now you’re doing it on purpose.” Shuuichi grumbled, while Kaito laughed a little, giving him an amused look.

“Maybe a little… it’s okay to get jealous. I get jealous a lot too… Dicea seems to have a lot of… everything. Figured out.” Kaito shrugged. “I mean, I’ve always known Luminary could have things it needs improved on… but in comparison...we look…”

Kaito twitched his mouth, clenching his fists as he tried to force himself to say the words… before admitting, “We kinda look like hot garbage. I mean… I know Byakuya’s gonna do his best-”

“Tsk.”

Kaito winced. “He will. He’ll do his best. He’s gonna be a good leader… he’s just…”

“Reactive?”

“Sure.” Kaito muttered. “But I think he could make Luminary better… if the revolution doesn’t, ya know… If Maki doesn’t...”

“I’m sorry.” Shuuichi said.

“And we come full circle.” Kaito chuckled dryly. 

“...well, at least we don’t have to worry about the foster families Maki’s siblings are going to be assigned too. Frankly, I was wondering how we were going to handle that too. But it really sounds like it’s not going to be an issue.” Shuuichi sighed. “...it’s sucks how bitter I feel about that.”

“It’s a good thing. We couldn’t have kept an eye on thirty different foster families anyway.” Kaito sighed, running a hand through his hair. “We just have to… trust that this program really is as flawless as it sounds. And it’s a good thing if it is. It means we can… trust they’ll be okay.”

“...you’ll still talk to Aiichi? And the social worker? And at least meet the perspective parents? And-”

“I’ll do those things, yeah. Even if it just makes me and you feel better…” Kaito shrugged. “And, also, Maki would kill me if we didn’t.”

“That too. Though, for the foster parents of Maki’s siblings… maybe it would be enough to just meet the people handling their cases? I mean, the Diceans will hate us for it, but i know Maki would appreciate us making the effort.”

“Let em be pissed at us, it’s just one more thing.” Kaito shrugged. “...also, I’m gonna beat the shit out of Maki.”

“Why?”

“Lots of reasons. I just thought I’d warn you. It’s happening at some point. I don’t like her making you keep secrets for her.”

“Okay… can I watch?”

“If she’s cool with it, hell yeah, man.” Kaito chuckled. “You can stop her from accidentally killing me while I try.”

The two chuckled grimly to each other. Happily in the gallows together, the only two people around who, besides Tim, would really understand … when Kaito sighed. “Ya know, I think I wanna just get the Aiichi thing done now. And Kokichi gets weird around the king… I doubt he’ll care if we get it done while he’s asleep. Wanna see if he’s available?”

“Sure.” Shuuichi sighed. “Lets do it.”

-

“It is a little before dinner, but could I interest either of you in drinks? I promise, it’s not just stuff that’s been sitting around all day.” Aiichi laughed lightly, looking...delighted, honestly, to see his sons-in-law in his office. It wasn’t often that, outside of meals, he saw them around, and even rarer that they’d exchange anything more than a polite hello. He knew they were adjusting to all the drastic turns in life, so he wasn’t going to interject himself, but...it still made the leader happy to see them take advantage of...whatever it was they were here for!

Settling any requests, Aiichi took a seat across from the men, still grinning. He was wearing his casual clothes, a light sweater and slacks, and he did have makeup on, a bit of a smokey eye sort of look, but it was all pretty...tame. Comfortable. Just what the king wore on an average day while he talked with his people and tried to plan for the best future they could hope for. 

“What can I do for you two?”

Shuuichi and Kaito glanced at each other, the two… not really used to doing this without Kokichi to buffer the conversations. Who was taking lead here…

Kaito grinned, and Shuuichi relaxed a little as the red head prince took point. “Thank you, your grace! I’ll take one, certainly. Shuuichi?”

“Please.” Shuuichi said, bowing his head lightly. 

As the drinks were distributed, Kaito continued on, “So! Your grace, we had some questions for you, if you have time for us… we…” Kaito thought quickly-- was there any problems to telling the king about Bonus? If they ended up having to watch the child after all for any period of time, it’s not like they could keep it secret-- before saying, “Are claiming guardianship temporarily for a foster child that hasn’t been born yet. And, as two people unfamiliar with the foster and adoption programs in this country, we’re trying to make up for some of our ignorance by asking people we know who have been through it their experiences. Obviously, your name came up! You were orphaned up until you were sixteen, if I understand it right? Would you be okay talking with us about it?”

Your grace...growing pains. One day they’d be more comfortable leaving those sorts of titles with the people who actually used them. Though, it was likely because of their unfamiliarity. Surely they saw how uncomfortable Ko got when he was addressed like that, but they also had more personal relationships with Ko, so… All in due time. 

Aiichi regarded his sons-in-law with surprise, hearing that they were...ah. Making sure they could have a say in the parents that would adopt the child. Not Maki’s, and Aiichi would be more than alarmed if they were talking about little Miyako--Aiichi had spent the whole night after Ko told him the news up in the observatory, telling Miyako all about it… He’d been overjoyed--without Ko here. It was just...a good deed. 

One that they were a little overly paranoid for, but no one would be going much out of their way to have a few more conversations about the prospective parents. 

Aiichi nodded, relaxing back in his seat. It might not be a short conversation. “When I was thirteen, but yes. I’d be honored if my experiences were able to give you some insight.”

“I do believe at least the end of my time in my orphanage is more unorthodox than what might be helpful, but I’ll still do my best to answer any questions you may have,” the leader laughed. 

“I was orphaned as a toddler, though I was still young enough I have no memories of my birth parents,” he started. “I was left on the doorstep of Lighthouse, and none of the caretakers at the time knew who had left me. In a sense...I was a completely blank slate. My earliest memories of care are of my caretakers--primarily, a woman named Babylon, and a wonderful caretaker by the name of Charl.”

The look on Aiichi’s face was fond in nostalgia. “I actually kept in touch with them for a time after I was adopted, though Charl passed away some years ago, and Babylon left on a world-searching tour in her retirement. They will always remain very dear to me, though.”

“I grew up in the orphanage quite normally, though…” Here Aiichi’s normally practiced visage broke a little as he rolled his eyes at himself, snickering in a way that...was actually rather similar to Kokichi, if less horse-y. “I doubt many of my peers would’ve called me normal. I was quite the preachy loud-mouth--a snitch, for those who were less enthused. I could never keep my mouth to myself, always trying to go on long speeches to anyone around me. It serves me well enough these days, but I was quite insufferable.”

“Fuse had, apparently, seen a few of my tirades, and got her feeling that I was the next heir.” Aiichi paused, calming back into fondness as he gently tapped the heel of his foot, more out of habit than anything even resembling impatience. “I remember that the people involved in vetting folks looking to adopt had been worried… Fuse had lost her partner not too many years before. Being single is not a condemnation on your ability to raise a child, of course, but they were worried about her projecting Taitei onto me. Or trying to use me as an object of comfort, rather than as a child. All good things to be worried about, though I was practically fighting tooth and nail to just get the process done and over with.”

Aiichi laughed again. “...being wanted is...quite the feeling. Having someone believe in you… Fuse could’ve personally wanted me as just another body around and I still would’ve followed her with stars in my eyes. Having gotten a taste, knowing that at least for a moment she wanted me, I was desperate for her approval…” He shook his head a little, heart aching a little bit. That same area when he thought about his mentor, happy and grateful and...after all these years, the mourning had calmed, but there would always be a piece of him that missed her. “It was a good thing the people at the agency didn’t listen to me and went through all their precautions. Thirteen-year-olds aren’t particularly known for their wisdom, but I certainly would’ve thrown myself into danger if I’d been given the opportunity.”

“Fuse went through a psychological exam, we had meetings at Lighthouse for ages, and even after I went to live at the castle, it was still a trial period for a while, and I had private meetings with my social worker to make sure I wasn’t being neglected or abused.”

Tilting his head to the side, Aiichi hummed. “...technically, I was orphaned again at sixteen, when she passed away… But since I was the heir, and away at boarding school, I was given the opportunity to be a ward of the state. Basically...I looked after myself, but had regular check-ins with a social worker and could rely on them for anything I may have needed.”

Smiling back at the men, Aiichi perked up. “Were there any more specific things you were wondering about that I should get into?”

Okay… so even the queen of the kingdom was scrutinized during the adoption process… which was a little strange to Kaito. If Aiichi had been a lost feelings baby, then wouldn’t refusing to allow him to be adopted mean refusing the next appointed heir? Or maybe it didn’t work that way…

“... what was it like being a feelings baby?” Kaito suddenly asked, as Shuuichi gave him a somewhat amused look. “And… did you know Kokichi was your feelings baby before he was born? Or just hearing about him? Was just knowing they existed what sparked it, or do you only feel it when you physically meet them?”

Of all the things Kaito and Shuuichi might’ve wanted clarification on, Fuse choosing him as an heir was...not what Aiichi expected, and the momentary surprise on his face showed that. But...realizing the track Kaito’s mind might’ve been on…

Aiichi gave his son-in-law a warm look before settling to think. “I’m...not sure it’s really something quantifiable. For me… I got too overzealous… I should’ve only made the announcement after Ko was born…” There was a deep regret in the leader’s eyes, but he continued with his answer. “I was watching Miyako work in the observatory one night, and like it often did, my mind wandered to our coming child and…”

“...I can barely explain it. All of a sudden I just had a thought. ‘He’s the one.’ A feeling so strong that I could’ve been convinced everything else in the world was a lie, but I’d still be fighting to insist that that fact was true.” Aiichi sighed softly, his intense belief and pride in his son practically radiating from him. “When I asked Fuse why I was chosen, it was a similar sort of thing. She saw me pestering people on the street, setting up my soapbox and reciting speeches I’d written myself on the betterment of people, and...she saw that I’d managed to reach people. That my words weren’t empty, for how robotic they seem at times. And after seeing enough of that…”

Aiichi’s gaze went soft, as he looked off past the two men across from him. “Of course I knew,’ she told me. ‘I’m good at seeing people. When I met Taitei, I knew he was the most amazing person in the world, a person with the capability to do anything. And when I saw you, I knew, you’re going to be the next person to lead our people.’ Not that I was capable of it, but...that I was going to do it… Fuse’s belief was overwhelming at times. Sometimes it felt like she really could will things into being.”

Looking back at Kaito, Aiichi gave him a sheepish smile. “From those two cases? It seems like a moment of inspiration after some observation. But the consistent is...we both felt so strongly that there was no mistaking it for anything else. Once Ko gets his feeling, he’ll know for sure.”

Well… at least Kaito knew now that it wasn’t someone Kokichi had to physically see, or meet. Not really. It sounded more like an impulse. But something that Kokichi absolutely wouldn’t mistake.  So, when Kokichi’s feeling baby showed up, there’d be no mistaking it for anything else… okay…

“Thank you, King Aiichi.” Shuuichi said softly, seeing Kaito was lost in his thoughts, “Your accounts of the interview process is greatly reassuring. As you might understand, we were concerned about the…” Shuuichi considered his words, “credibility of the program. But we have heard nothing but good things about the adoption process in Dicea, and getting a first hand account for someone the program answers too is incredibly reassuring of its validity, thank you.”

He imagined Shuuichi and Kaito had more than a few concerns. Even if Dicean internal programs had literally nothing to do with Luminary, sometimes it was easy to shorthand that all programs and businesses ran the same. Thankfully for all of the orphaned children in Dicea, that wasn’t the case. 

Nodding, Aiichi considered his own words for a moment. “For all of Dicea’s growing pains, how adoption and life in orphanages run were one of the early ones to be ironed out, at least from our historical accounts. The majority of Oumas were orphans, after all, and while quite a number of them were infants, for those of us who were only discovered later in life?”

Aiichi shook his head a little, something steely in his golden eyes. “If I had been mistreated, or if I had seen the friends who I’d grown up with handed off to people that would make their lives miserable… The moment I was granted any sort of credibility and power, it would be the first thing I’d want to whip into shape. The vow on the Ouma name is one to protect the people of Dicea...I feel confident in saying that no Ouma would allow systemic abuse that they could so plainly see, if not be hurt from it personally. The state of our care and adoptive practices now is a product of the work of centuries.”

“...I hope that does give you some piece of mind.” The leader softened from his speech-like gravitas, smiling warmly at Shuuichi and Kaito again. 

Actually….yeah? It did.  For Kaito and Shuuichi both, but especially jarring for Kaito, who had actually had a few more conversations with the king by this point, it was the first thing he had said that had really felt… well. Like something Kaito could actually trust and believe in. He sounded so sincere, and his logic was genuinely reassuring.

It was the first time Kaito could see why people would ‘let’ Aiichi be king, if they were really all equal and anyone could actually do the job.

Once again, a small glance to each other, Kaito’s look questioning, Shuuichi considering things for a moment… before giving a miniscule little nod to Kaito, who suddenly beamed back at Aiichi. “Yes, thank you! Honestly, I believe that’s really all the concerns we had. Thank you so much, your grace.” Kaito said, standing up and bowing, Shuuichi quickly followed suit.  “Thank you so much for your time. May we take our leave? We know you’re busy, and would hate to take too much more of your time.”

Aiichi stood as well, aiming to walk the two out of his office. “It’s no problem at all, Kaito, Shuuichi. I’m happy to chat at any time, whether it’s something light, or a more focused talk like this. Time with family is time well-spent. Though…”

Something in the leader’s brows quirked, his smile growing a little worried. “...is Ko alright? I assume he doesn’t have as many concerns about all this, but you three do make quite the team… He and Nadya have just finished the post-winter risk assessments in record time; I hope he hasn’t been overworking himself. I figured he was focusing more on that and that was why we haven’t had a game night in a bit…”

Not a concerningly long time on its own, which was why Aiichi hadn’t tracked down Kokichi to talk yet, but having a pretty serious conversation like this...Aiichi had just figured that it was something all three of them were working on, so seeing him absent, paired with the other stuff was...concerning.

You don’t tell others about potential weakness.

You especially didn’t tell them to someone who’s used that weakness against you before.

“He’s doing quite well, your grace.” Shuuichi said quickly, as at the exact same time, Kaito beamed, “Kokichi? He’s been doing great! He’s taking a nap right now, but like you’ve said, he’s been doing quite a bit of work! It’s a busy job, being an Ouma!”

“I’m certain he’s simply been distracted by his duties.” Shuuichi offered, adjusting his cap a bit. “If you like, your grace, we can let him know when we see him that you asked after him? I’m sure if he knew you were looking to spend time with him, he’d make accommodations.”

Aiichi looked at the two men for a discerning moment before relaxing his smile, giving a nod. “I’m glad to hear it. I trust him to look after his health, but I’m always going to worry a little. I’d appreciate you passing on my concern--you don’t have to make it out like his old man’s getting lonely, but if Ko finds the time, I enjoy our time together. I’ll see you three at dinner?”

Both Shuuichi and Kaito bowed, though Shuchi couldn’t bow very low, as Kaito said, “Yes, of course! Thank you again so much for your time, King Aiichi! It was extremely informative! We’ll pass on your message, and see you at dinner!”

As King Aiichi walked the two out, they both gave him one last respectful nod, before heading down the hallway, Kaito giving a passing dirty look to Hideki’s office door purely out of spite. They traveled a little bit… before Shuuichi said, “Well, that was interesting.”

“Wasn’t it? Honestly, I really do feel better about all this. It makes sense that the adoption program would work really well, considering a lot of Ouma’s experienced it first hand. Like, that makes a lot of sense, ya know…” Kaito glanced over his shoulder, before frowning, lowering his voice as he said, “Should we be worried he asked after Kokichi’s health?”

“I...don’t think so. He didn’t imprison Kokichi on purpose the first time around, so I don’t think we’re in threat of him doing so again. He was probably just genuinely concerned.” Shuuichi surmised, glancing miserably at the stairs as they approached them, but gave Kaito a soft, thankful look when Kaito immediately took his arm, letting him put a lot of his weight onto him as they climbed. “I think it’s probably okay for him to ask after him without too much concern… though, Kokichi himself will be able to tell us one way or another, if that was the correct way to respond. It’s ultimately up to him who we tell when he’s feeling poorly.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” Kaito agreed, before sighing. “If he’s still asleep, we have a little bit of time before dinner. Why don’t you get off your feet and lie with him a little while, and I’ll go check on Tim. Gotta ask him about this presentation stuff at the very least.”

“Certainly.” Shuuichi sighed, likely going to need a second to get out of ‘formal talk’ mode. For not having really had to do it in a while, it had been so easy to dive back into it. It’d take a moment to get his head out of that headspace.

When Shuuichi got back to their room, he’d find Kokichi still heavily asleep, making his usual snuffles and drooling a little on his pillow, clutching another one to his chest. And these days...he really wasn’t looking that great. For how much he’d protest that he was on top of things…

He was pale, and no matter how many naps he took, the lines under his eyes persisted. He was a little slower, a little more careful with his movements since he just...couldn’t find it in himself to jump and twirl as freely as he usually did. People who were concerned about him had reason to be--it wasn’t just in their heads.

-

Shuichi… wasn’t socially ‘awkward’, per se… he actually could be very fun, in the right mood, in the right atmosphere. He didn’t necessarily mind or shy away from being social… he just rarely had opportunities to do so without, well… the paranoia hitting him hard. And since the paranoia followed him like a shadow, he rarely had a chance to practice being social just on his own. He wasn’t awkward. He was just… unpracticed.

All that to say that it was rare for him to try to introduce two people, and in his desire to do it well, he ended up overcompensating, looking for an event he could take the two too. And as Shuichi looked around at the busy art installation, hallways that seemed to endlessly keep going full of glass boxes, most of them with some sort of empty set inside of them, he looked down at the paper in his hand and thought warily to himself ‘What kind of art installation needs a safety waiver?’

Was the strange atmosphere of the place just him being paranoid again? This was a building in the middle of the busiest part of Usott’s art district. He had seen for himself while working for Kokichi that events like these had plenty of scrutiny before being approved by the city. There were hundreds of people here, coming in and out, and the people heading out looked happy, chatting excitedly together, though some looked a little… confused. 

The young lady, with bright blue hair that she had spiked up, and shockingly ice blue eyes against almost translucent white skin, petite and short, looked brightly up at Shuichi, waiting for the trio to sign the waivers as she finally said cheerfully, “Did you have any questions or concerns?”

Shuichi glanced warily at the attendant, before looking down at the waiver again. “If we sign this, we agree to temporarily have our images, if requested, as part of the installation for other guests observation, and-”

“And you are aware of the risk of losing more time than originally planned and are comfortable with having your sense of reality made ambiguous!” The attendant finished brightly, before winking at Shuichi, “A lot of the exhibit is illusionary in nature, and some of our more sensitive viewers or visitors with certain mental medical conditions can find that more alarming or triggering then average. Things like schizophrenia, hallucinatory periods, things like that. Better safe than sorry, so we try to warn people beforehand!” 

Perhaps she shouldn’t have been, considering that while they’d been together for some intense things she really didn’t actually know Shuuichi that well, but Nadya had found herself surprised when he’d asked if she’d like to go see a new art installation together with one of his new friends from university. She wasn’t surprised at the offer itself, of course, since Kokichi had given her the heads up, but...she wasn’t sure. She didn’t think Shuuichi was the type to enjoy this sort of thing. 

However, her curiosity had been piqued, and it seemed the same could be said for the young man they’d met with, a slightly awkward fellow by the name of Drake. 

And Drake was excited! Shuuichi had wanted to hang out outside of class again, and even wanted to introduce him to another friend! Or, well, Shuuichi had said she was more of an older co-worker, but...it was still exciting! 

“I always love seeing these installations,” he mentioned to the others as he signed his waiver, excited for what they were going to be doing too. “There were artists in my hometown that would put on shows and exhibits, but stuff like this is really a big city vibe. It’s incredible, seeing what people think up.”

Seeing what technology and clever thinking made, really. It was never really something he focused too much on, but seeing the innovations people had made in the last few hundred years was...really incredible. 

“It is truly a fascinating way to spend time,” Nadya agreed, handing off her waiver as well. “One never quite knows what they are getting into, and the curious journey through the unknown sparks a sense of excitement and wonder.” Especially since every now and then she would catch a glimpse of a wonder that was only possible through magic, and Nadya found it amusing to see how the magic user pulled it off.

“This was a wonderful idea for the afternoon, Shuuichi--thank you for inviting us.”

Shuichi watched his two friends both sign their waivers and, while he still hesitated a moment, he mentally chastised himself. This was his idea… 

Finally signing it, Shuichi handed his waiver to the attendant too, and she giggled, looking all the signatures over before saying, “Perfect! Now, there’s no strict way to get through the exhibit, as it’s an open exploration layout, but, since you seem like the kind of guy who’d appreciate a tip like this-” the petite woman leaned forward conspiratorially, and with a grin, told Shuichi, “If you’re uncertain where to go? Always pick left. It’s the quickest way to not be lost. Okay? Okay! You three have fun in there!”

Shuichi raised an eyebrow at that slightly, before nodding. “Thank you very much.” before turning to the other two, smiling somewhat sheepishly at them, “If you’re both ready…”

Heading into the exhibit, picking a random hallway to start with, Shuichi said to Nadya, “Of course… I wasn’t really sure what the three of us might have in common, so I’m sorry if this all seems sort of…” Shuichi shrugged, “Random. I figured the weather isn’t quite right for anything sports related, and Drake… I don’t know if I actually know of any of your hobbies? I don’t think it’s come up yet. But Nadya here is actually very familiar with baseball. You played in a league, didn’t you Nadya?” Shuichi asked, hoping to get the two more familiar with each other.

As they walked, most of the glass boxes were filled with set displays. A part of a forest. The top of a snowy mountain. The inside of a fancy parlor. It seemed… very basic, and like most of the crowd, the trio kept walking deeper into the hallway, assuming there’d be more to the displays the further in they went. Certainly the whole thing couldn’t only be set dressings?

Drake laughed sheepishly, conceding that while he and Shuuichi had actually had rather deep conversations, the more basic things hadn’t really come up between them, but he looked intrigued when Shuuichi mentioned Nadya’s field. 

“I am still actually on the roster,” Nadya started to explain, giving Shuuichi a nod before looking over at Drake, finding the little tableaux charming, but not entirely stimulating yet. “I work part-time as an administrative assistant to Kokichi, which is how Shuuichi and I became acquainted, but I am still on the Usot Andelusians.”

“Wow--those are some pretty different fields. How’d you find yourself doing government work from playing baseball?”

Nadya gave the same answer, more or less, that she’d given Shuuichi the first time he asked, and the two chatted with each other for a moment before Nadya asked after Drake’s plan to become a detective, and the conversation swung off his way. 

“Ah, well… I’m not a very good gardener, but I have a small collection of succulents I’ve been keeping alive for a while now,” he lightly laughed, still feeling a little awkward about how he’d said it in class their first day. “And...I guess you could call learning about law something of a hobby, since it was what I spent a lot of time doing during my gap years.”

“And...I started doing it out of necessity, but, er.” Drake chuckled awkwardly. “I’m kinda into DIY? I’d say half the time I don’t make much more than a mess, but...there’s just something about making things yourself. It may not be the best made, but it’s yours.”

“Do you make things, Drake?” Shuichi asked, a little surprised at that. For someone so clumsy, Shuichi had a hard time imagining him learning to work with his hands… but, well, maybe it was precisely because he was clumsy. After awhile, it was probably just easier to try to fix the things you broke yourself rather than buy new ones. 

The crowds were starting to stagnate as the trio went down the, honestly, surprisingly long hallway, and Shuichi could see why, also slowing down as he looked curiously into the displays. It was still set dressings, but there were people in them now, acting out roles. The first one he noticed was a merry-go-round, or, a quarter of one, that was spinning slowly in and out of an otherwise curtained room, the people on the slowly rising and lowering plastic horses and elephants disappearing into the back of the room and then reappearing… right up until they didn’t. And as Shuichi watched, he saw one horse than had been occupied suddenly emptied the next time it appeared, and a previously empty elephant being sat on by a new person, who seemed…

Even knowing what the wavier said, Shuichi assumed these were actors. How could they not be? They were in full costume, and looked like they fit the setting entirely. More tellingly, even though the displays were all glass, and as far as he could tell, two-way visible, the people inside acting out the sets never so much as glanced out at the audience, and instead seemed fully committed to acting as if they were actually at some sort of carnival merry-go-round, one mother and her small child on a horse pointing out to some ‘ride’ in the distance that the small child wanted to go onto next, if their muffled conversation through the glass could be believed. The acting was so believable, that of course it had to be acting…

Though, as they passed the display, the two men laughed and excitedly pointed into the display, one of them saying, “Hey, look! There he went! Fred, man, can ya see us! Looking good!”

The two men were trying to call out to a man who, in the same old fashioned styled clothes as the rest of the people in the display, was sitting on one of the elephants, chatting amicably to a young woman sat on a horse not far from him. Fred didn’t seem to notice his friends calls or see them through the glass, and the two men chuckled, one of them whispering to the other, “She seems cute. Think he’s gonna ask her out?”

“Fred? Dude, I’m shocked he’s even talking to her. He gets so tongue-tied... but look at him go! Nice. You think he’ll come out soon or…?”

“Mhmm!” Drake nodded in earnest. “Most of time I just find myself repairing stuff at my place,” (somehow, he’d managed not to trip over himself when they met up with Nayda, and while he had a few of his regular fumbles, he was trying to keep himself from having a full Drake Moment in front of Shuuichi’s friend) “But I’ve made some other stuff too. There’s this little step-stool I’m really proud of, actually--it took me a long time to be able to work with wood alright, and it was one of the first things I made once I got the hang of it. Real sturdy little thing.”

Nadya found her attention a little more piqued by what was going on in the displays--reality bending indeed...she wondered how they achieved that…--but she turned to give Drake a smile. “That sounds like a wonderful hobby. Helpful, naturally, but taking pride in one’s creations is a wonderful trade to become involved in.”

Nodding at the displays, starting to fill with people, Nadya quirked a more teasing smile. “What do you make of these, then, with your crafter’s eye?”

“Aw, geez… This stuff is way beyond my level,” the vampire laughed, though he did take another look at the displays. “They did say our images might be used, though… I wonder if it’s something to do with mirrors, o-or...like the pictureboxes that are in cameras.”

...thankfully that old myth about vampires not having reflections was total bull. It would’ve made for some difficult explaining later.

Shuichi peered closer at the displays. It hadn’t occurred to him that these might not be real people… they looked solid to him…

“Pictureboxes. Have you seen one of those in real life?” Shuichi asked Drake curiously, as they moved on, the hallway finally splitting as they entered a large, round room, five hallways slitting off from the round room, all the other hallways with a notable curve in them, even from this angle. In the large round room, the dome ceiling seemed to be made of thousands of little mirrors, reflecting and glistening off each other, the light creating strong rainbow beams that crisscrossed around a chandelier of long reflective crystal. It was honestly grand to look at… and seemed too big for the building they had entered… were they still in the same building? This room was so big...

The air smelled sweet. There was music in the distance.

The crowd was thinning out, but that was only because there were more places for everyone to go, groups and individuals picking from one of the five hallways and heading down or up them… because there was an incline and decline to all of them, Shuichi noticed. It was subtle, but it was there. Deciding that maybe in the long run heading up an incline would be easier on him, since later in the exhibit they’d be going downhill, Shuichi pointed out one of the hallways heading upwards.

Drake and Nadya both took in the large circular room with awe, Nadya still amazed, but looking around with a more analytical eye, trying to figure out how this was all accomplished, while Drake just drank it in, finding his amazement with what people could achieve only ramping up as they continued through the installation. 

“No,” Drake softly admitted. “I’ve never gotten a picture taken, but I did take a look at the schematics of, um, the kind of camera that was made about fourteen years ago? I don’t know how much they’ve changed things in newer models… But it’s some pretty cool stuff. A little mind blowing, honestly.”

Nadya nodded in agreement. “The last season I was a part of before I volunteered for the war, our manager set up an appointment so we could get a team photograph. Paintings and drawings, even hyper-realistic ones, seem so natural, but there was something almost unsettling about seeing a copy of your image transposed onto photo paper. Very cool, though.”

Both friends easily followed Shuuichi down the hallway he pointed out, neither of them having a strong preference to see any other hallway before another. Drake turned to Shuuichi, humming a question. “Have you ever gotten a picture of yourself, Shuuichi?”

Shuichi got a little taken in by one of the bigger glass displays, which was full of people dancing in what seemed to be a small part of a ballroom, a little taken aback to recognize it as a traditional masquerade party. He had thought Dicea was entirely unfamiliar with the concept, but there it was. The dresses, the suits, the masks. It was shockingly familiar, and he found himself watching it, only to be surprised upon closer inspection that most of the dancers weren’t, in fact, people, but mannequins, spinning in place connected to wooden beams spinning the ground, which, itself, was spinning clockwise and counter clockwise at certain parts of the floor.

Most of the dancers were mannequins. That made the few people within the display dancing along with the mannequins especially jarring. They were good dancers though. They certainly weren’t struggling to keep up.

“No, but Kokichi is really excited to take one when Miya is born. So it probably won’t be terribly long till I’ve had one, at least as a family one. I’ve seen wet-plate cameras in action. When they first became available, there was a push to try to use them to more accurately capture crime scenes for inspection.” Shuichi rolled his eyes at this, remembering what a fuss all of that had been, “The pictures were imprinted on these silver, metal plates that were corrupted by the light half the time, and the other half, were still far less visually distinctive than someone just sketching out the scene with a charcoal, and still managed to take more time to develop than it took for an experienced crime scene artist to draw it. It drove my mentor crazy trying to incorporate them, just because the elites thought doing it the new way would be ‘fancier’.”

As they kept going, they came across an empty display, of what looked like a hitters mit for a baseball game, and Shuichi chuckled slightly at this. “How topical. What do you think, Nadya? Is it accurate? …” Shuichi looked around. “...Nadya?”

For Nadya, what happens is this.

There was a small giggle in her ear as they walked down the hallway, and a voice, soft and sweet, that told her, “We have a spot for you.”

And when she blinked, she was suddenly in a baseball field, in the middle of a game. The crowds were roaring and cheering, the sun was high and hot, and her team was behind just by one point. If she could make this hit, they’d be tied again, probably, maybe that’s how baseball works, I don’t really know! Either way, she was up!

Drake nodded, mulling Shuuichi’s anecdote over. “I can see the idea of it, and maybe once the technology develops more it’ll be more helpful, but...yeah. I don’t think it’s there yet. For now, I can imagine tried and true methods of capturing a crime scene would be most helpful for actual use in a case. While it’s not reason not to keep trying things out, I think cameras are more of a novelty still.”

It was kind of hit or miss, if that’s the way a new technology would go. If they ended up improving something right away, or started niche or fanciful before being innovated upon until it became ubiquitous. Even something like the water storage in caravans was mind blowing once, and Drake had curiously watched as it became a standard feature. Such was life, he supposed. 

What wasn’t such a great part, was someone being lost in a crowd. Drake peered around, looking for the woman as well. 

-

Bottom of the ninth, two outs, down by one...while a little overly dramatic, Nadya had found herself in that position before. Just...never while she’d been walking through an art installation. 

Fairies? Magiking someone away really was quite down their alley… Some sort of portal magic, maybe, but it would take an extremely powerful mage to be able to project the scene back at the installation… What exactly was this all about...and should she put a...grounding spell, of sorts, on Shuuichi and Drake? Nadya didn’t like using magic on people, but...Shuuichi, at least, would be more than alarmed if he was magiked away next. 

But until whoever was doing this decided to bring her back, Nadya figured she might as well give them the show they wanted. 

Now in a uniform, Nadya slid her goggles over her eyes, twirling the bat in her hands as she stepped up to the plate. No one on base so… Nadya flashed a grin as she waited for the pitch. It was time for a homerun!

Outside the display-

“Do you think she can see us?” Shuichi asked, waving his hand in front of the glass, watching with interest as Nadya, in full baseball gear, readied her bat, a determined, eager look on her face. On the other side of the display, a bunch of lights turned on from on top of the display, and a colorful, intricate light system made it look as if there was a person on the pitch field in the distance, and other players even further back, with a bunch of little shaky, shimmery lights being the audience in the stands.

A few of the other event goers also stopped at the display to watch this, a few of them whispering in interest, one of them recognizing Nadya and saying excitedly to her group, “Oh my god, that’s so cool! I wonder if she volunteered to come here for this display or it’s just a coincidence? It can’t be a coincidence, right, that’s too perfect!”

As Nadya readied her bat, the pitcher made of light reared back their arm, and threw the ball, which was a small, white light that shot towards Nadya, reacting to the swing of her bat.

Shuichi was stunned to hear the faint sound of a ball being hit the second Nadya’s bat ‘hit’ the ball of light, and the distant sound of a stadium losing its mind cheering. Nadya dropped her bat, and the floor started to spin, giving her room to run, as if she was hitting the bases. First base! Second base! Third base! 

The floor stopped moving as she got back to the home run, but she kept running, and disappeared into the curtain in the back of the display as a few of the more impressionable guests cheered outside the display, pleased at her home run…

And for any regular person? What would happen next is Nadya would reappear in the crowd, with an extremely vague memory of going into the display that would get dimmer and more abstract every second. Knowing some strange illusion had made it seem like they were playing in a real baseball field, but their mind quickly rationalizing it as… mirrors or paintings or… something?

But for a magic user…

Definitely fairies or portal magic. Nadya regarded her clothes with some suspicion, back in what she was wearing before… And the baseball uniform wasn’t just an illusion, though powerful illusions could simulate touch, uninformed brains filling in the blanks… But Nadya knew enough to look for it, and those clothes had existed, for whatever odd world she’d been whisked away to. 

This was...pretty ballsy. It wasn’t anything dangerous, and the magic didn’t seem to be anything that would mess with people just from exposure, apart from what they’d already signed waivers for. Still…

Nadya looked around with a more discerning eye now, idly bringing her goggles back up to her head as she made her way back to Shuuichi and Drake. “This really is an interesting installation… I should like to see if they have some literature to give out about it, if only to give credit to those for whom it is due.”

Drake startled a little. Obviously Nadya would be returning after she came out of the display, but her reappearance from the crowd was a little sudden to him. “Oh, Nadya! Yeah, it...it’s really one of a kind. So...um, did they just ask you to go in or?”

Thinking of any warding spells she knew that would be more inconspicuous, Nadya nodded. “Someone in the crowd, I assume a member of the staff tasked with lingering around, said they had a place for me, and I compiled. It is quite fitting, is it not?”

Shuichi, who had also been a little startled by Nadya’s sudden reappearance… notably relaxed at her explanation. Smiling in amusement as he said, “You must have a fan in the staff. A few of the people watching recognized you too. In fact-” Shuichi looked at the display, where a new person was now at the hitters spot, in the uniform Nadya was just in, readying their bat, looking excited, “-it was that person. It seems like it’s fun. Managing to time the sound of the bat hitting the ball of light was really impressive, I thought.”

Nadya watched the display for a moment, smiling slightly at the possible fan, though...okay, so that’s how it looked from the outside… 

“The entire display is impressive,” she agreed. “It is deceptively large, and I am still not entirely sure how it is done, but while the outside looks quite prop-like, inside it seems rather life-like. I doubt they would explain exactly how it is done, but I would recommend following a member of the staff if they ask you to participate.”

...hopefully she’d be able to pull something off before then. Shuuichi knew of magic, but...he also distrusted it. Nadya was endlessly grateful of his acceptance of her, but she knew that didn’t extend far into the more secretive spaces of the world. From her assessment, this was all quite safe, if disorienting, but Shuuichi wouldn’t feel safe at all if he knew there was magic involved. 

...there was also the matter that Drake was there, and Nadya wasn’t about to pull Shuuichi aside for something like that. 

Drake was looking around at the other displays now, trying to look even harder for how it was set up, even if Nadya had just said that the perspective changed. “It sounds like it was really cool to be able to participate in something that, yanno, you do professionally. Even with how realistic it might feel, I bet you likely made it look like… I dunno, like someone had really captured a moment of a real game with you, Nadya.”

“Honestly, if it wasn’t something I was already familiar with, I think I’d just panic as I was put “on stage”,” he laughed, watching in awe as two people seemed to be taking a hot air balloon ride.

Shuichi, now that the worst case scenario had past and one of them had been taken into a display with no ill side effects, was far less reserved about his interest in the displays, glancing fondly from the two excited people in the hot air balloon, to the display next to them, where three small children with what seemed like their father were excitedly pointing at what looked like an older brother and their mother celebrating reaching the ‘top’ of a ‘mountain’.

It was… it was cute. And seemed to be genuinely in good fun, for the people inside the displays and out of it. 

“I think I’d not do well putting on a show either.” Shuichi confessed, as they kept going. “My poor nephew Timothy suffers from some pretty harsh stage fright, so I find myself comparing most cases to his these days, so it’s not terrible stage fright. But I still get pretty stiff and lifeless in front of a crowd. You handled yourself beautifully, though, Nadya. It made me more inclined to go to one of your games one day, if you’d be okay with that.”

Nadya ducked her head in humble thanks, giving Shuuichi an excited smile. “I would be more than okay with that. While there is plenty of personal accomplishment involved, sports are meant to be enjoyed by the masses as entertainment. Win or lose, if people find enjoyment in watching, it means we have done our jobs. I would be pleased if you found yourself among them.”

“It really was like there was nothing but you and the ball,” Drake praised, though he laughed sheepishly soon after. “You have quite an...austere look at sports, though. My folks and I took a special trip to Carbosi when I was younger to see the soccer finals and...I think it mattered a lot to some people if their team won or not.” 

Nadya snorted, smiling at the next group to summit the mountain. Even if you were confused about it afterward, it was quite amazing for people to be able to experience these things. “Oh I’m aware. It hasn’t happened in thirty years, but stadium security still references the riots after the Genbu Thunderbolts’ championship win every game. I appreciate their attention to the worst case scenario, but I think every team in the league has the safety speech memorized.” 

Curious, Shuichi was just about to ask what happened for a stadium to riot, when they turned the corner (Right) and came across an interesting little display, a warm parlor with a large clock, and a doll on the ground, with a chalk outline around it, and little numbered stands around the room, indicating evidence-

Shuichi felt a small hand on his shoulder, and a little giggle in his ear, “We’ve found a spot for you, my lord.”

And Shuichi opened up his mouth to insist he wasn’t a lord, blinked, and-

There was a sergeant constable in the parlor, giving both the detective and his gentlemanly assistant tired, exasperated looks. Shuichi understood why. The detective was a known eccentric, and while his detective skills were known far and wide as being incredible, the trade back of actually working with the man was endlessly frustrating.

...Shuichi thought all this… looked at the ‘detective’... and got endlessly annoyed as he realized, “Drake, are you meant to be Sherlock Holmes?” he asked, feeling the bowler hat on his head (and only the fairy magic keeping him from being alarmed it wasn’t his hat) as he realized, “I’m Watson? Really?”

“Ahem.” The Constable coughed, “Gentlemen? The murder? Any day, please.”

Drake was. Frozen. 

Not just from being put on the spot. Not just from being addressed as a real detective. Though, those two things were pretty big on the ‘oh shit!’ response! 

But from the fact he’d just been spirited away. 

He hadn’t stepped into any fairy circles! There certainly hadn’t been mushrooms growing in the floor in the building the art installation was! He’d read the contract! It was normal liability stuff, not a fairy deal! But...to be fair, he’d never met any fae so...he didn’t know how they were operating these days. 

But the biggest rule in dealing with the fae was...well, to not deal with them, but the second one after that was to not, under any circumstance, piss a fairy off, or break their rules of hospitality. 

(Which, he’d been told, made dealing with them a nightmare, since vampires had their own issues of hospitality to adhere to.)

Drake stared wide-eyed at the sergeant, then to Shuuichi, feeling brewing panic as Shuuichi tried to break the play and- “RIGHT!!”

He winced at his volume, quickly clearing his throat. “The murder! W-we’ll get right on it!”

Giving Shuuichi something of a pleading look, Drake walked over and...tried to make a show out of inspecting the evidence. 

Shuichi was still feeling pouty, as his glazed eyes looked around the parlor, his eyes glancing from evidence to evidence. A bloodied knife on the floor, the body in the corner, blood at the door…

...that makes no sense. Shuichi frowned. Eyes scanning the room again. Where was…

Refocusing on ‘Sherlock’, Shuichi frowned, putting a hand on his stomach-- oh, please, was that why he was ‘Watson’? Because of his big belly? Really?--  and leaning against the table as he said, watching Drake inspect the body (two points of wounds. Blood from his chest, blood cacked down the back of his head. Heads wounds immediately bled so much more, but even taking that into account, there was too little blood from the cut on the chest… shallow) as Shuichi asked, “Well, Sherlock? Seems a grim business. As the doctor, would you like me to estimate cause of death?”

At least the blood didn’t smell like blood. Vampires weren’t beasts, but...well, if you smelled the remnants of a delicious meal, it tended to spark the appetite. 

Humming and hawing, Drake gave Shuuichi a nod, even as he looked over all the evidence. “Please do, er, Watson. Let’s lay the scene, shall we?” 

Drake went to stand by the door, assuming that the victim had either come into the room first, or was carried in by the murderer, though...he thought it was less likely for the latter scenario since...well, there would be a trail of blood on the floor, if even in the form of a few drops here and there. Maybe even drag marks? And...if this was supposed to be the display in the installation, then the crime had to be committed in this room, right? No set change.

Trying to act it out a bit more, Drake straightened his suit jacket, crying loudly, “Oh my, here I am in my parlor, surely nothing foul afoot! What are the chances of being murdered, surely slim to none!”

Shuichi smirked, raising an eyebrow, a little amused at Drake’s theatics, while the constable just sighed. Deciding to play along, Shuichi went to look at the body, peering over him, before, taking his foot, gently shifting him to the side where his head wound was… definitely a blunt object… not the knife then. So, why the knife and the chest wound? 

Looking around, Shuichi thought, where, where, where was the murder weapon… a shallow knife wound to the chest, blood on the door, a head wound, the knife left behind… 

Oh.

Shuichi looked back down at the body, now inspecting the clothes. His brow furrowed. His belt…

Look at the blood on the door knob, Shuichi eyeballed the distance, before taking Drake’s arm, “Come here, come here… stand right here.” He said, putting him beside the table, the door to his back… and then assuming the belt would have only come undone at a certain time, Shuichi backed himself against the table, shifting Drake at an angle, looking around… the knife was a proper knife, but fancy. Likely a nobleman using a far too fancy knife as a mere letter opener… and someone like this, probably thought it was cool and intimidating too… yep. There it was. A deep knick in the wood of the table. The man who owned the parlor lodging the knife in the table when not in use.

Stupid. Extremely arrogant. Did he just assume she wouldn’t go for it? Or, probably ‘she’… but who specifically... anything in the parlor that didn’t belong…

Shuichi looked around from where he was leaned against the table… there. On the bookcase. A small, dirty dust rag. Entirely out of place. Left behind and forgotten in the turmoil.

...Hm… Shuichi took Drake’s jacket and, just to confirm the trajectory, made the small movement of pushing him backwards… not perfect, but roughly right…

Twenty minutes to inspect the crime scene. Probably another twenty minutes to talk to the housekeepers. An hour to prove your theory to yourself. Then twelve hours to prove it to the idiots on top. 

… fuck it, Shuichi wasn’t the detective here. 

So, he finally sighed and said, “I have no idea. But based on the knife wound? I’d say it was a foolish accident on the mans half. Playing with the knife, nicked himself, fell backwards in surprise and hit his head against the door, but-” (She likely had pushed him aside on her way running out. She might not even know he was dead in her haste to escape) “-lived long enough to stumble to the other side of the room. Tragic accident, I’d say… from my autopsy, anyway. Sherlock?” Shuichi asked, giving Drake a doe-eyed look. “Any better theories? As the detective?”

Drake easily complied with Shuuichi’s requests and tried to banter with the constable while paying attention to what his friend was doing. Such as it was, that it didn’t take long for Drake to catch onto the theory Shuuichi was presenting. Shuuichi really was a brilliant detective…

...or, that’s what Drake was thinking, his surprise apparent for a moment as Shuuichi went down...a path that didn’t make much sense to him, and was totally not where he thought Shuuichi was going. 

...they had to play the parts. 

“Tragic, tragic…” Drake hummed, crossing his arms and nodding knowingly. “Well, it wasn’t all a wasted time in coming here--I got to know a few of the housekeepers quite well.” Drake winked at the constable, internally shrieking at himself. 

“And that’s why I know our dear dead friend here was not the type to keep pretty pieces of work here,” he started to explain, worried that he might’ve gotten Shuuichi’s theory wrong, but...it made sense enough to him. He crouched down by the knife, gesturing to it, “as display pieces, nor was he a scholar of the martial arts. In fact…”

Drake rose, spinning around to smack his hand lightly--or, he meant to, but the loud slapping sound made him cringe--right next to the gouge in the desk. “I’d go as far to say the old boy was irreverent when it came to sharp blades.”

The constable huffed, seeming just barely capable of keeping himself from rolling his eyes. “Yes, we know, he stabbed himself--Dr. Watson just said so.”

“Yes!” Drake exclaimed. “But not to death, and not in the order my dear Watson guessed!”

“Our victim, you see, wasn’t a fan of ordinary letter openers. No, the blade you see was for that purpose. Sure, fraught with danger, but some people love the flair!” Drake rounded the other side of the desk, picking up an unopened envelope dangerously placed at the edge of the desk. “And, after getting a letter such as this, who wouldn’t run wildly to open it? But, as you can see...this envelope isn’t open.”

“Which means our victim was interrupted before he had a chance to open it.”

Shuichi watched Drake’s theatrics, fairly amused, as the Constable’s twiddled his nose above his overly grown mustache, looking dumbfounded and in awe as he struggled to keep up with ‘Sherlocks’ wild deductions. 

“Oh, was he, Sherlock?” Shuichi asked, tipping his bowler hat a little, vaguely annoyed there wasn’t much of a brim to hide his eyes under, “I don’t see how you can know he wasn’t alone.”

Drake, in return, gave Shuuichi a small grateful look as he pranced over to where he’d seen Shuuichi’s gaze go before, giving a little flourish to the bookcase. “It’s a tricky question, isn’t it, but it’s veeeery rare for anyone to make a completely clean getaway...though our suspect knows quite a lot about cleaning. And I doubt our victim would even know how to hold a dust rag, let alone was the type to keep his parlor spick and span.”

Smirking at the constable, Drake tilted his head a bit. “Have any more of those number plates, Constable? I’ve learned my lesson on making off with evidence myself.”

The constable looked doubly confused, but he took out of his inner jacket the next available number, saying as he handed the number to ‘Sherlock’, “Could you please pass on the theatrics? A good man was murdered, Sherlock, certainly that deserves some professionalism.”

Shuichi tsked at the ‘good man’ remark, though he smiled brightly when the Constable looked over at him. “Sorry. Tickle in my throat.”

“Surely, surely,” Drake placated, placing the number next to the dust cloth. Calliope above he wanted to cry. Why? Why did the fairies hate him? Maybe he could...hang back for a moment and sob for a little bit before joining back up with Shuuichi and Nadya. Totally normal. “Good man, and all that--I’ve been nothing but professional! We always strive to give the departed the respect they deserve.”

“Now, we know our victim was about to open the letter, and we know that someone else was in the room, so, what happened?” Drake went back to the desk, roughly in the same spot that Shuuichi had pulled him to before. “Well...someone really didn’t want this letter to be opened. Perhaps they had a case to make, so they pulled back on the victim’s coat!”

Drake flared out his coat before falling over backwards, narrowly missing the doorknob as he thumped on the ground, but only because he’d angled himself towards the open doorway. A little to the left, a more natural angle to be standing at the desk at, and…

From the floor, Drake pointed up at the bloodied doorknob. “And the victim fell back, dropping the knife to try and catch himself, but nicking himself in the process! Our suspect, seeing the knife fly and blood fall, kicked the body to the side-,” Drake then pointed just to his left where the body laid, the natural position of someone trying to move it out of the way of the door, “And fled! Reasonably shaken from what just occurred!”

...what?

Shuichi looked curiously at Drake… was he protecting the housekeeper? But, then why point out the dust rag…

The Constable nodded seriously, following the logic of the detective as he said, “Of course, of course… that all makes sense. So! The culprit is whoever is connected to that letter in your hands then, Sherlock? Well then, let’s open it up then!”

As the constable said that, Shuichi realized, well… if all the housekeeper did was ‘pull at his coat’, then maybe in Dicea, that didn’t count as murder. Perhaps Drake was doing the housekeeper a kindness. 

Drake tsked at the constable, shaking his head as he got up from the ground. “Constable...and you accuse me of unprofessionalism. Even if the recipient is dead, it’s still against the law to open someone else’s mail. We need a warrant to do this properly. If you phone your headquarters right away, there may be a chance to get one within the hour. The property is in lockdown, there’s no worry about our perp making an escape.”

He simply nodded accommodatingly as the constable hurried away, trying to make that phone call, but even though it was just him and Shuuichi in the room now, Drake was all too aware of their “audience”. 

Crossing his arms, Drake smiled at his detecting partner. “I believe our work here is done, doctor. An abuser can no longer lay a hand on any other, and by the hour our accidental perp will be long gone, out of our jurisdiction. Perhaps not a job well-done, but done all the same.”

Shuichi gave Drake a cool, appraising look, for a moment, considering his words… before saying, “But what about the lockdow-”

There was a gentle giggle in both their heads, and someone said quietly to them, “You solved the mystery. Thank you for playing along. Good job, you two!”

And Shuichi blinked, standing behind a crowd who were all peering into the parlor, laughing and clapping slightly as a curtain jostled, as if two people had just walked through it. 

As Shuichi heard a few people hope that they’d get the chance to do the detective display next, waiting to see who would end up in the display now that the previous two were done, Shuichi… frowned slightly… what had just…

… he had been in the display, and… it had seemed so real… the constable must have been another guest playing a part. He supposed it had just seemed so real because they were literally just in a room… not a hard illusion to pull off. How had he not seen the glass though?

He blinked and saw Nadya and Drake coming out of the crowd towards him, and Shuichi laughed lightly, adjusting his hat, feeling its familiar brim. “Well, that was interesting.”

Drake was practically in tears, his eyes to their watering, wavering thing again while Nadya held his shoulder comfortingly, trying to guide him over to where she spotted Shuuichi. “You two did an impressive job, if I may say so.”

Drake just whined, covering his face. “That was so terrifying! If-” It was just a hiccup in his voice, but in that moment Drake reminded himself he was out with his very human friends in a crowd of mostly humans and...this was still the fairies’ domain, even if he was back in reality. “If they ask again, I don’t want to do it! I mean...I mostly remember Sherlock being an asshole from the few books I’ve read, but I felt like I was gonna die, acting like that…”

Groaning again, he peeked over his fingers at Shuuichi. “...really, you should’ve been the proper detective… It would’ve taken me ages to figure out all that stuff on my own, and even then I don’t know if I would’ve pieced it together.”

“You’re a really good detective, Shuuichi.” A shy, nervous smile, but genuine praise.

Shichi shook his head, sighing as he looked over at the display, where three more people were now acting out the case. Ah, so the constable had been another guest. That made sense. Ha. Look at that, the overly large mustache was a part of the costume… how had Shuichi not noticed? Very impressive.

“I would have made the mistake of… I don’t know. Burying evidence? I don’t like those types of victims… arrogant bastards who think they can do whatever they please to the lower ranks…” Shuichi scoffed, giving the dead mannequin a dirty look-- though, that was another impressive illusion. It had looked like a real body in the display-- before he sighed, chastising himself a little, “But, that’s a good way to not be allowed to be a detective. Your way was smarter.”

Shuichi smiled, giving Drake a mildly amused look, “You weren’t kidding about that stage fright. Why are you so alarmed? You did great in there. Very amusing. You should tell myself and Nadya all about your escapades with the housekeepers in there.” Shuichi smirked, giving Drake an endlessly amused look. 

Drake frowned a bit, glancing over at the display case--fairy magic, man, crazy stuff--and looking at the mannequin for a moment. He remembered his childhood, right at the peak of hostility between all the noble houses in Luminary. It was...shockingly easy for a lord to suddenly end up dead that morning, all signs pointing to it being foul play from another house wanting to move up in the world. 

There wasn’t much peace in the long-run, considering the Momotas’ eventual takeover, but...what the police and nobles never heard was the sighs of relief from the servants. It was too foolish to hope that your next lord would be kinder than the last but...at least something changed. At least, for a moment, you were free from their cruelty. And sometimes the next lord really was more kind. 

He didn’t have much sympathy for some hot-shot abusing his housekeepers, likely getting his hands on some sort of blackmail to just hurt someone else...but if Dicea had changed him in any way, even all that didn’t mean he had to die. But it didn’t mean that an actual victim’s life had to be ruined just...because of a dumb accident. 

“Was it?” Drake softly questioned…

Before he melted down again, making a strained, embarrassed noise as he re-covered up his face again. “Nope! Not happening! It was a story-detective quip, nothing else!”

Nadya laughed a bit despite herself, covering her mouth with a hand. “In some ways, this makes your acting and composure even more impressive. But I’m sure if you protest so, then the staff would not harangue you into another display.”

As she said so, Nadya quickly traced the sigil she finally remembered against Drake’s shoulder, aiming to do the same with Shuuichi...possibly. He didn’t actually seem that suspicious, but considering Drake looked like he was about to either faint or burst into tears when she found him, she could do him a favor and keep him an observer for the rest of their time.

Shuichi didn’t really know if that was the… well, the ‘good’ decision. In the real world, Drake’s plan depended on the murderer being cunning enough, or, hell, even selfish enough to run for it when given the chance. Managing to get through the lockdown, managing to hide, to start a new life… Good? Maybe not.

But smarter for the detectives in question, absolutely. No one could question if Drake or Shuichi had done anything ‘wrong’, and thus, they were safe to continue their lives as normal.

So, yes....

Smart.

As they headed down the hallways some more, Shuich looked idly at the displays, the trio walking slowly, casually. Now that Shuichi had seen the display from within, he wasn’t worried about any of this anymore… though he jumped a little, when Nadya ran her hands over his shoulder. “Nadya?” He asked, looking at her, slightly bewildered, “Everything alright?”

Nadya gave him an apologetic smile, waiting for the larger group to pass them--and for her to finish the sigil--before removing her hand. “My apologies--it was a bit more crowded for a moment, and I was worried about one of us being jostled apart. I am sorry for the sudden contact.”

Drake gave the two a slightly confused look. He didn’t think the group passing through was that bad… But Nadya did seem like a kind person, and she was...er, the most physically adept of the three of them so...maybe she was just looking out.

“It’s fine, your just not usually the touchy feely type. Wanted to make certain nothing was wrong.” Shuichi said simply, giving Nadya a patient smile before huffing a little, “I think I’ve been on my feet for too long… do you two mind if we see if we can find a bench, or maybe somewhere they’re serving drinks? I could use a tea, honestly…”

As the three walked, they came across… actually, it was the big room again. With the rainbow lights shining above and the five interlocking hallways. Shuichi frowned, trying to gauge which hallway they had originally walked in through, and which hallway they had chosen before… but if there was a way to tell one way or another, he wasn’t spotting it. “Have we really gone in a full circle?” Shuichi mused, looking back over his shoulder at the, frowning, “We never went down… it went up and then evened but never sloped down again. Did it?” 

Neither Drake nor Nadya minded taking a breather somewhere, but as they came to the large, center room again…

Drake scratched his cheek, saying uncertainly, “We went up?”

While Nadya could only shrug, having not noticed them going down either. “Well...the person that saw us in said to take the left path if we were in doubt, correct? Perhaps that is a shortcut of sorts out?”

“Maybe...but which one’s left now?”

Nadya and Drake both looked around, finding...difficulty when the room was a circle. 

Shuichi’s brow furrowed, looking around… before musing, “Maybe she meant to go counterclockwise? Until you hit the correct hallway? Don’t see how going right or left would make it more likely than not to find your way for something like that, but we might as well take the advice.” Shuichi shrugged, heading to the hallway to their left.

Heading down the new hallway of displays, Shuichi looked around a bit, watching the displays filled with people playing out their roles… before asking Drake, “You’ve never actually visited Luminary itself, have you Drake? I can’t recall if you’ve said so or not. Did she ever tell you about the freak shows?”

Drake nodded his head a little. “Once, but I was really too little to remember it much. But…” He raised an eyebrow, looking quizzically over at Shuuichi. “Freak shows?”

Nadya, meanwhile, had been confused for a touch longer. “Oh, are you a traveler, Drake?”

“Not really, but, oh…” Drake laughed sheepishly, lowering his voice a tad. “My mom’s from Luminary, so...that’s what Shuuichi’s asking about.”

“Ah!” Nadya nodded in understanding, though there was something bemused in her eyes. “Aren’t we a trio, then. My mother also hails from Luminary, however...she doesn’t reminisce fondly upon it much…”

Shuichi’s eyes widened, looking curiously at Nadya. “Really? Did I know this? It’s completely slipped my mind if you’ve told me this before, Nadya.”

Nadya gave Shuuichi a kind look, though the bemused look never left her eyes. “I doubt as much--you never asked. Though, I was grateful in that you never seemed to be offended when we met. I could not help myself from smiling whenever you or Kaito or Maki said my name, since you all have prominent accents. It reminded me of how my mother says it.”

That slight bit of an extra syllable, instead of the two-syllable slur of letters that the name was in Dicean accents. It was small but...it had reminded Nadya of home during her first few weeks working at the castle. 

Drake...started to sweat a little. Just a little though! Luminary was a big country, so...two people could’ve left and totally have never met each other or had similar experiences...yeah. 

“Is that what you found so funny? I’ll be honest, I sort of just assumed you got amused hearing accents in general.” Shuichi admitted, “Fascinating… well, okay! We have two mothers from Luminary! I…” Shuichi suddenly blushed, “I’m sorry if neither of you are particularly interested in sharing your mothers stories. I know they’re not your stories. But I’m actually really curious where they’re from and such, why they moved to Dicea in the first place. Though…”

It suddenly occurred to Shuchi that asking Nadya to share a story like that… might be dangerous to her. She grew up in a secret magic based society… maybe any story about her mothers travel from Luminary could accidentally give that away to Drake? He didn’t want to force her to come up with lies to protect herself, so giving her a slightly apologetic look, he quickly amended, “Not that we have to get into them, really. Family stories can be a bit personal. It’s such a strange coincidence, but we could talk about something else just as well, if you’d like, Nadya?”

He didn’t offer Drake the same curtesy. It just didn't occur to him. Drake wasn’t hiding anything, after all.

Nadya gave Shuuichi another warm smile, both of them seemingly unaware of Drake’s sudden stress. “I do not mind telling the tale. However...while you have never been particularly patriotic, it is not a very happy story, at least at the start.”

“And I don’t think my mom’s is all that interesting,” Drake softly laughed, trying to think quickly. “She’s from Agniratha, wanted to get a change of lifestyle...and this was before tensions between Dicea and Luminary got heated, so...it was pretty easy to travel back then. She said that she liked the climate and, well, met my dad, so...it was good reason to stick around, and by the time travel got more difficult...she considers herself more of a Dicean these days.” 

Drake gave a little shrug, hoping that was convincing enough. Something...boring, really. And Drake could at least remember what Agniratha used to be like, so…

“Agniratha… that’s pretty far west. Must have been quite the journey.” Shuichi said, “Though, if I remember my geography right, it’s close enough to the coast that she probably just took a ship. When my family returns to Luminary for a visit one day, I’m thinking of suggesting we go by sea. It’d still take some traveling by carriage, but it’d be a little quicker and easier travel… though, rumor is they’re working on mainlining the roads.We’ll see what comes of that.”

Looking back to Nadya, Shuichi smiled grimly. “To be entirely fair, Nadya, my home isn’t the sort of place that creates many happy stories. The fact that you grew up in Dicea means it probably has one of the happier endings it could. So, if you’re up to sharing, please, I’m very interested to hear it.”

Drake hummed in interest at Shuuichi’s future travel plans, glad that he seemed to accept the story. “Even if they do, it might still be exciting to take a trip by sea. Depends on what your family thinks, I guess…”

While Nadya nodded along with all that, she sighed softly before beginning to speak. “My mother was born in Chonis...indoctrinated almost immediately into a cult. I do not mean the Atuan faith as a whole, but rather...this was a particularly horrible offshoot from it. They took in young women and used a form of conditioning on them…” Nadya’s expression pinched a bit, her hands becoming fists at her sides. “Apparently, by the time a woman was considered fully indoctrinated, “pure” by the cult’s terminology...they would have no memory of who they were. They would have no awareness except for cult activities…”

“Which were either sexually pleasuring the cult’s leaders, kidnapping children off the street, or becoming human sacrifices to Atua.”

...the cult had been turning girls into witchlings. Not proper witches, but...mindless creatures filled with dark magic and a taste for suffering. It was...a horrific process. 

Nadya grit her teeth for a moment, allowing herself the anger before continuing. “My father was a...well, I suppose you would call him a phantom thief. He was Dicean, but had traveled to Luminary and had heard that the cult had some sort of treasure…” The anger in her face relaxed, a slight smile on her face despite the subject. “...apparently he was trapped right away by the cult’s security measures, but...my mother found him. She was not “pure” yet so… I do not know what spurred her to go against all she’d known...when I have asked, she has never had an answer for me either. But she helped free my father and...he asked her to come with him. And she did.”

“They ended up traveling everywhere, going on...ridiculous treasure hunts, being criminals, really, wherever they went, not a care fo