Kokichi snuggled his doll-like husband a little closer, but affection was far from his mind at the question Alter Ego posed. His brows drawing in, Kokichi thought for a moment for how to explain it. “...Itch had a version of Tom in his...I suppose it was a dream. Felt like one, at least. At first I was just helping him hide, while I tried to figure out what to do, but...then Itch went out in the open and…”

Kokichi frowned a bit. “...my best guess is a part of me remembered the time I went to Tom? And I told the version to stop ‘cause...I mean, it’s probably a bad sign if you die in your dream, right? But then...that version wasn’t just Itch’s creation of his brother anymore. I...I’m pretty sure it was actually Tom...who went against Itch’s perceptions and...was kind of aware of what was going on. I don’t know how well, but...I mean. He knew enough to ask me to change them. Knew I was capable of it.”

“...that’s probably not good.” Alter Ego mused, ear twitching again, fur standing on end a little as he thought quickly.  “We have no reason to think Tom’s an empath, right?”

Chibi Kaito gave Alter Ego… a Look.

눈_눈 ← this look.

Seriously? The death cult serial killer?

Alter Ego looked a little affronted back, as he said, “Well, okay, the ability to feel other people’s emotions doesn’t always result in a compassionate person. Sometimes you get a Tengan, who uses that insight to just more effectively hurt people… that said, still, it seems unlikely he’d be an empath and none of us would have noticed by now. Besides, it sounds like you brought him there, but…” Alter Ego’s tail twitched now, “But I didn’t feel a pulse of power from you, today, Kokichi. I would have come to check in on you if I had. You might just be practiced enough in jumping to other people that it doesn’t take a noticeable pulse of power for you to do it anymore, but taking someone from their consciousness into someone else? That takes effort, always… but I didn’t feel any effort from you… did it feel difficult? Do you feel worn down now?”

...Tom could’ve just been being sneaky but...other than the outright lie, the teen had never really been...subtle in Kokichi’s experience. Maybe that was just on him. 

But as Alter Ego expressed their confusion, Kokichi blinked, growing worried. “I mean...I’m kinda tired, I guess, but not in the way that doing something big would make me. But...people said I had given a piece of myself to someone, and that’s when the community took notice of me, right? Judging by...well, everything tonight, I...thought that person was Tom.”

If it wasn’t? Then that was a much bigger problem. 

“I didn’t intend to bring him there. I…” Kokichi sighed, squishing his head into the mattress. “I don’t know? I thought I could stop Itch’s Tom somehow, give Itch more of a chance to escape? I was surprised to see him! Or...see the difference, anyway… And Tom said ‘First me, now my brother’, and called me a busy-body, so...that’s what I pieced together.”

Alter Ego frowned at that… okay. Tethers were important, but that was… maybe more immediately concerning to understand.

“Today, I’m going to ask around about the act of soul giving. I know it’s a practice that can seriously help people. Giving someone a piece of your soul adds your power to them. Gives them an additional, stable source of energy to draw from to better heal themselves, or enact more control over themselves. It’s why Taka gave a piece of himself to you, Kokichi. The act of giving a piece of your energy isn’t a temporary thing. Somewhere in here is a small piece of Taka, sleeping, whose only purpose here is to give you more energy to draw from when you find yourself dangerously low. For empaths, it’s considered one of the greatest forms of healing and assistance we can offer…”

“But… I’ve often heard, when people talk of soul sharing, that it’s something to only be done during emergencies. I’ve always been under the impression this is because you can only give so much of yourself away before you’re notably weakened and put yourself into danger. That’s how it was explained to me… but if you did give Tom a piece of yourself, and then this happened?” 

Alter Ego gave Kokichi a very serious look, as he said, “Kokichi, giving a piece of yourself is what made the community notice you, but what made them send someone with my power levels was you ripping someone out of their own head and bringing them to someone else. Unconsciously. That’s a substantial amount of power… and you just did it again, today, and no one noticed… we need to know why. That’s a part of yourself you should understand. So… not tonight, but tomorrow? I’ll come back, and we’ll see if I can find some answers for you, today. We may need to go talk to someone together. Would you be up to that?”

Kokichi nodded a bit, understanding the gravity of the situation, if he was correct, even if he just kind of...said it. He was sure he would’ve recovered on his own, but...he was grateful for what Taka had done for him. It was not a gift he was going to take without appropriate reverence. 

Soul sharing was...intimate. Something big, even if it wasn’t the most power intensive thing to do. You were giving a piece of yourself to someone else. 

It was something that Kokichi had...apparently done a few times without knowing. But it wasn’t something he could take back. And...there was still a part of him that believed that if he had done it, then those people had needed it and...even if he knew how, he...didn’t want to take it away. 

The thing that made him...maybe a little more flippant was...well, because he knew now. He was aware so...he wouldn’t give out pieces of himself unless it was an emergency, and he’d consider it properly at that time. If he really had given Tom a piece of him, then...now he knew, so he could consciously...not pull or call upon that part. This only happened because he didn’t know, right?

...but he was still doing things unconsciously. And that was a problem. If he wanted to protect himself and his loved ones and the people he ended up in. 

Kokichi drew his legs up a little, curling into himself a bit. “Yeah, I can do that. I mean,” he sighed with a grim smile, “If I managed to go to someone tonight, I think that’s a sign I can handle it again.”

“That’s a point. This is all, when you think about it, an excellent sign for your health. If you’re jumping unconsciously, then that means you’re getting to the point where at least some part of you is getting energetic enough to be… restless, I guess is a word for it.”

Yes! Restless! His restless Kokichi needed to spend some energy! ( ｰ̀εｰ́ ) With kisses! 

Chibi Kaito continued trying to lean up, mildly annoyed Big Kokichi hadn’t noticed him yet, before making a startled bell sound as he tripped, standing too long on his toes, now laid out in Kokichi’s lap now. Ugh… sucked beng small ╥﹏╥ bet Big Kaito didn’t go through this shit for kisses. Bet he just... scooped Kokichi up… got all handsy… GAH!

Alter Ego ignored the small, musical grumblings from the ridiculous creature he had helped create, as he got up and stretched, “Alright, well… if tomorrow night might be busy, I should let you get to your rest today. Are you sure you’re good? Actually, do you want me to stay and watch over you, make sure you don’t jump again?”

Kokichi raised an eyebrow as his tiny husband fussed before laughing softly, scooping him in to place a kiss on his cheek. “Hey, that’s good news for you, you know. It means I can maintain Chibi Kokichi again so you won’t be as alone when I’m awake. He’d still be me, so...I mean, he’ll have been with you all this time, ‘cause you’re also part me…”

Kokichi shook his head a little, trying not to think about it too deeply. “But! I know that he’d be very excited to spend time with you again.”

Pausing as Alter Ego got up, Kokichi thought their offer over for a moment. “...if you don’t mind? I’d hope I wouldn’t but...I didn’t resolve anything with Itch. That might still...get my attention, I guess. I think I’d just leave right away, but...I don’t want to keep ‘waking up’, especially there.”

Chibi Kokichi? Yes! Kaito wanted Chibi Kokichi back! He knew Big Kokichi was right, and he had basically been hanging with Chibi Kokichi this whole time, but there was a very real difference between spending time with a room that was, technically, his husband, Big Kokichi, who was far more ‘real’ than himself, and then Chibi Kokichi, who was in the same boat as him, if a little less advance and unable to maintain his own energy. It was the difference between, say, spending time with someone you care about in person, on the phone, and over letters… or just thinking about them real hard. And Chibi Kokichi was one of Chibi Kaito’s favorite ways to spend time with Kokichi.

...besides, Chibi Kokichi was the right size. Or at least, considered Kaito the right size. 

(*´ ˘ `*).｡oO ( ♡ ) Chibi Kaito wanted to get laaaaaid.

As the creature happily daydreamed about spending time with Chibi Kokichi, Alter Ego nodded, “That’s fine, it’s why I offered. I’ll stay with you till you wake up in the morning, and then I’ll start heading around on my search for answers about soul sharing.” Curling into Kokichi’s lap, he batted Chibi Kaito’s head a little, who was openly drooling (*´﹃｀*) and said to him, “Make room, I’m sleeping over.”

Chibi Kaito pouted at the feline, before determinedly putting his arms across Kokichi’s stomach. <(¬＿¬<) Mine.

“Thanks, Alter Ego.” Kokichi smiled at his friend, thankful for everything they did for him, from searching unanswered, difficult questions, to sleeping over to...essentially, make sure Kokichi wasn’t going to sleepwalk. In turn, he hoped he’d be able to help out his friend with whatever they might need. 

Snorting a little, Kokichi scooped up his tiny husband with one arm, and carefully steadied Alter Ego with his other, shifting around so he was lying down on his back, actually the right way around on his bed. Again, Kokichi placed a kiss on Chibi Kaito’s cheek, giving him what was becoming Kokichi’s ‘Dad’ look. “You can sleep up by my chest, alright? It’s easier to move around if you get restless. Alter Ego’s making sure I can stay here with you, be nice. I’ll try making Chibi Kokichi before I wake up, okay?”

...it was a little weird, feeling like he was placating a child when he was talking to his husband. But Chibi Kaito’s whole existence was weird, so...Kokichi would live with it.

Chibi Kaito still pouted a little, feeling like he had really earned some kisses, and more than just on the cheek!! But easily enough settled onto Kokichi’s chest, knowing Big Kokichi needed his rest. He’d try again later… maybe he’d do something nice for Chibi Kokichi when he came back. Some sort of welcome back celebration? What’s a nice thing he could do as a welcome back thing… maybe make him a nice sun? No, space probably isn’t gonna be back yet, it’d have to be something he could do in the room…. Hmmmm…

Chibi Kaito settled in, thinking about what to do, as Alter Ego curled up on his stomach, tightening into a furry little ball of comfort. “Alright. Let’s get some rest. It’ll be an interesting day tomorrow… Good night, Kokichi.”

Angry bell sound.

Sigh. “Good Night, Kaito.”

Placated bell sound.

“Goodnight, you two.”

-

Kokichi groaned softly and curled into a ball against Shuuichi’s side, not wanting to be awake. Already he could feel the morning sun’s rays irritate his growing headache behind closed eyes. Eyes that...felt oddly irritated, like he’d been crying in his sleep. He didn’t...really feel sad or panicked but...he might’ve had a nightmare over the night. 

Sighing, Kokichi nosed deeper into Shuuichi’s neck and threw an arm across his chest, holding his boyfriend close.

Shuuichi sighed, eyes fluttering a little, wincing at the grim reality that, ugh… it was gonna be time to wake up soon… nooooo…

Leaning his chin against the bridge of Kokichi’s nose, Shuuichi made a small, happy noise, despite super not wanting to be awake yet. Mmmm… Kokichi felt nice…

Kaito, in turn, had flopped onto his back at some point in the night, and was strangling his pillow beneath himself in a mini chokehold, Kokichi having shaken off Kaito’s arm when he turned towards Shuuichi, his arm now laying flat against alongside Kokichi’s back. Totally out still, one of the deeper sleeps he’d been in in awhile. He was even drooling a little, which was not his usual, his eyes still behind his eyelids, not dreaming for once.

Mm, that happy sound was nice, and not too loud to bother him. 

...but there was no way he was getting back to sleep. 

Kokichi sighed and resigned himself to open eyes, even if he didn’t move just yet. Just because he was irritatingly awake didn’t mean he should wake up his partners. Really, the fact that they were both asleep--or, mostly asleep in Shuuichi’s case--either meant it was really early or that they were getting some good rest in, neither of which were cases to cruelly wake them up. And...that he could feel Kaito’s weight beside him, but that Kaito wasn’t stirring? Kaito really needed that rest…

...another soft sigh against Shuuichi’s neck. He’d ask someone for a painkiller later. 

Mmm. It sounded like he wasn’t the only person half awake. 

Shuuichi smiled lightly, before whispering quietly, “Morning.”

“Mmmrrr…” Kokichi’s groan was just as soft as he tried to cover his eyes even more against his boyfriend. “...morn’.”

“...did I wake you? Sorry… Light woke me up...an’ Shuu-chan’s the best pillow to hide against.”

“You did.” Shuuichi guessed, not really sure. But, playfully, he said, “You’re terrible. I’m sleeping for two. Why would you do this to me… mmmm. You smell nice though. I guess I can forgive you… that bath last night was worth it…”

Shuuichi stopped to think about it… “You’re hiding from the light?” Shuuichi repeated, opening his eyes, a little more awake, as he said softly, this far from the first time, “Did you wake up with a headache again?”

“One thousand years dungeon…” Kokichi hummed, reciting the appropriate punishment for his horrible crime. “But...if you’ll pardon me… Guess that’s even more reason to advocate for...cleanliness. Get away with crimes with fancy bathsoaps…”

Kokichi sighed softly. “...yeah. S’not the worst, but...annoying.”

His headaches had a range. Sometimes they were just a little irritating, usually because he’d been staring too intently at documents for too long. And sometimes they were bad enough that he just wanted to press his hands over his ears until his head exploded. Today was a little closer to the former than the latter, thankfully, but...Kokichi still wanted to dip under the covers and get a painkiller so he could go back to sleep. 

He’d been working a little again. Not even the half-days he usually did, but popping into the office for a few hours to do what he could. Then, usually, depending on Kaito’s own responsibilities, he’d have physical therapy. His days weren’t exactly busy, but...he was doing things again. 

But he still wasn’t quite there yet and...taking days off was a given even at his healthiest. 

Shuuichi closed his eyes. Poor Kokichi… maybe they could kick Kaito and get him to go get some painkillers…

….sigh… no. That was mean… come on, Shuuichi, you keep saying you want to help. Just… get out of bed… out of the warm, comfy bed… mmmmm…

Shuuichi pulled one of hs pillows out from under him, and with a shocking amount of accuracy, considering his eyes weren’t open, threw it at Kaito’s head.

“Gah!” 

Kato sat straight up, eyes wide, looking around in shock, wondering what the fuck was happening… then he blinked sleepily. Not noticing any immediate danger. “Gruh?”

“Kaitooooo… can you get Kokichi a painkiller?” Shuuichi softly called out, hugging Kokichi closer to himself, snuggling back into the bed.

Another sleepy blink…. “Mmm? Yeah, yeah, one second, one sec.” Kaito sleepily murmured, crawling out of bed. Brain not quite caught up to him yet, but alright. Painkiller. On it. No problem. What time was it?? Was it light out? He should probably… what was he doing? Right. Painkillers.

Kokichi more felt the pillow fly over his head than saw it, snorting softly though...he felt bad about waking Kaito up too. He smiled into Shuuichi’s neck as he heard how bleary Kaito was, but… “Honey… You didn’t need to do that. S’early… ‘M fine letting us sleep for a while longer…”

...but it would be nice to have the painkiller. 

Kokichi shivered slightly as the space Kaito left quickly cooled, and he scooted even closer to Shuuichi, entrapping one of his legs between his own, leeching heat. “...how hard would I have to convince you to sleep in with me today?”

“Done. Convinced. I will never leave your side.” Shuuichi murmured.

Kaito headed to the bathroom, opening up the medicine drawer they kept the more casual medicine they had. Kokichi didn’t need painkillers painkillers, not the stuff they gave them when shit was bad. Just the, like, mild headache, sore after a workout stuff.

The Luminary Prince glanced out the window. It was… light out. What day was it? Wednesday? Was he doing something today? He felt like he was supposed to be doing something today… they hadn’t started training the kids again yet. Kaito usually worked out himself around lunch...what was he…

Oh, right. He was going to introduce Savannah and Odette to Bullsworth today. He’s supposed to go pick up the girls this morning. How had he managed to sleep in? He wasn’t late, but still, he probably only had two hours. Had to go get breakfast for his guys… eat himself, too. Mmmm… get Tim to school, then go get the little potential acolytes… then…

Oh, yeah. He told himself he’d talk to the king today. 

Dissolving the tablet into the water, he brought the glass to Kokichi, shuffling onto the bed and, running his hand affectionately over Kokichi’s head, he leaned in and gave him a small kiss to the cheek. “Medicine, babe. Need help sitting up?”

“Heck yeah,” Kokichi murmured, placing a soft kiss against Shuuichi’s shoulder. He didn’t want to be awake, but even fully unconscious Kokichi preferred to be lying with one of his partners. And considering that Kaito wasn’t one to laze in bed, and Shuuichi was, his favorite sleeping in cuddle-buddy had been quickly established. 

Even curling up in bed with a headache was better with Shuuichi right next to him. 

But that moment felt far too short before Kaito came back. Kokichi groaned a little more, but...getting a painkiller was worth prying himself away from Shuuichi for a moment. 

Kokichi reached up blindly and patted Kaito’s head a bit before scooting to sit up. It still wasn’t seamless but...more or less, Kokichi could consistently do it on his own. Slowly opening his eyes again, one after the other, Kokichi held his hand out to take the glass from Kaito once he realized what he was looking at. 

“...I love you a lot, you know,” he hummed, eyeing the glass. 

“Uh huh. Your words say ‘you’, but your eyes say ‘painkiller’.” Kaito chuckled, handing Kokichi the glass and, for his own indulgence, running his hand through Kokichi’s hair a bit, giving him a kiss on the forehead. Mmm… he’d have to comb through his husband’s hair again. Tonight, probably, if he wasn’t still hurting. Maybe he should stop by the candy shop on the way home to get him pastries as a bribe/apology for it…

Looking to Shuuichi, he said, “Handsome? You need anything? I’m gonna get you guys breakfast, but I can’t stay around long after that. You’ll eat?”

“No, thank you, I don’t need anything.” Shuuichi sleepily murmured, waiting for his cuddle buddy to return, “And, yeah, we’ll eat…” eventually. 

Kokichi took the glass and--carefully--downed its contents, already eagerly waiting for when it would start to kick in. Hopefully soon since he hadn’t eaten yet. And maybe it was telling that Kokichi waited until he’d already gulped down the painkiller before he spoke. “I do mean you, though. Lovely Kai-chan, bein’ the best for me...even if he can’t stay for sleepin’ in too.”

Basking in the kiss to his forehead, Kokichi patiently waited until Kaito was close enough that he could easily place a kiss on his cheek, getting his own affection in. Not the greatest morning...but one he could easily live with. 

“Thanks for food, hun,” Kokichi murmured as he sank back down into the bed, happy with Kaito’s affection, but tempted by Shuuichi’s too. “Mm...you’re going to meet with Priest Bullworth today, right? Tell him I said hi...and Ace too, if you see her.”

Ace? Or right, Bullsworth had a daughter too. That was actually somewhat comforting. Maybe Bullsworth would have a soft spot for the girls then. (Not make them feel like outcasts…) 

He grinned softly at the little kiss, and stopped to look at Shuuichi and Kokichi curl into each other, both of them entirely ready to just go back to sleep. Cute…

Alright. Go. You have things to do. Take a shower.

-

Kaito ran a… mildly exhausted hand through his hair, heading back up to the castle. That could have gone… well, it had gone fine, really. Confusing, but fine. 

Practicing religion here, at least the Atuan religion, was… way more low key, than it had been in Luminary. It was almost secretive, and very… little fanfare to it. Which, in some ways, was fine, it’s not like Atua needed the fanfare, but in other ways…

So, it was simple. There was, in fact, a sort of temple that already existed… well, no, it was a building, and it wasn’t specifically for Atua. It was a multi-faith accommodation community building. Atuans used the building every other Saturday for meetings and gatherings, some reading and discussing of The Good Book, which was… a very different set of stories than the one Savannah and Odette had studied. And… there had been some… confusion. Over who Atua was, that Kaito had basically forgotten would need to be explained to them, and... 

...well, if the girls still… wanted to become priestesses to a ‘whore’ god and not, ya know… a creator god, they could volunteer to help every other Saturday at the religious center. Help set up chairs and pass out snacks. If they ever still wanted to again… the girls had left with… a lot to think about….

...Kaito felt vaguely like going into his shrine and having a good cry, but, well… what would it help. He had other things to do anyway…

Running his hands through his hair again, he got to Aiichi’s door, and knocked. Briefly, he glanced warily over at Hideki’s office, just… not in the headspace for another fucking weird ass confrontation with that guy. But he saw no signs of him. Good. Glad. Whatever.

Aiichi looked up from his desk, his door already partially open so he saw Kaito straight away. He...hadn’t been by as much to see Kokichi as when the two of them had gotten together for game nights. He still came to see his son sometimes, of course, and since Kokichi was getting to the point he could make it to the dining hall for at least one meal more days than not, they got to see each other then, but...well. Aiichi was an optimist, not blind. He knew Kaito and Shuuichi weren’t comfortable with him there. 

And while it felt at least on his end that things were...marginally better between them, it was still rare for either of them to show up at his office--or to...really seek him out for any reason at all. 

Getting up, Aiichi smiled, holding a hand up in greeting as he walked over to hold the door open a little more, inviting Kaito in. “Kaito! Good afternoon, it’s good to see you. Please, come in, I just got a fresh brew of some coffee, if you’d like some?” 

...his son-in-law looked tired. Stressed. Coffee might not help, but he’d offer. 

Offering Kaito a seat, much like he’d done the past few times Kaito had come to talk with him, Aiichi asked, “Is there anything I can do for you today?”

Kaito immediately put his ‘face’ on, which was just his grin and a straightening of his back. He didn’t do it with the same conscious purpose as Kokichi did, when his husband was putting on a show for someone, but Kaito still was, if only subconsciously (and sometimes not), very practiced at his own little ‘lies’. Thankfully, Kaito told them with the sincere belief that acting better would make him feel better, eventually, and even if it was entirely placebo, he felt some of the exhaustion leave his shoulders as he said brightly, “Good day, King Aiichi!”

Heading inside, Kaito fixated on the coffee pot, eagerly nodding his head as he said, “Please, that sounds great. Thank you so much.” before taking his cup and, blowing on it slightly, he sat down, keeping his back straight against the chair and that same mild grin planted onto his face, as he bowed his head a bit, “Thank you for seeing me. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

The (useless, entirely useless, why did he bother?) formalities taken care of, Kaito sipped at his coffee, before allowing his shoulders to relax slightly, a suitably serious look on his face as he said, “I’m sorry to bother you about this, I’m certain there’s someone else I could ask, I just wasn’t sure if… anything would be classified or anything like that… I was hoping to hear how the case against Cedar MacAtolle is going?”

...and that was why Aiichi had limited his time in the princes’ bedroom. He wasn’t asking to be intimate friends, but Kaito and Shuuichi were reserved and put on a presentation whenever he was around and he knew how easily that could exhaust someone. So he gave them their peace, and hoped that the trend of the little progress he’d made would continue as time progressed. 

Shaking his head, Aiichi settled in a chair across from Kaito. “Not at all, my door is always open for you, Kaito. More than literally,” the king chuckled slightly before he saw the solemn shift in the young man’s countenance, and followed the mood change appropriately. 

Though, the annoyed sigh he gave when Kaito asked his query was probably not that appropriate by Kaito’s standards. Or maybe it was, considering Leon. “You know, if the woman had a law degree, I’d actually be willing to believe that about her at this point.”

Aiichi had to remain impartial to his people, but...the way his nose scrunched would be very familiar to Kaito. “The prosecution has made ground--it’s looking like she can be charged with...it’s a form of malpractice, essentially, but from inattentiveness rather than malicious or purposefully detrimental conduct. Because of that, her medical license can be revoked.”

While not directed at Kaito, Aiichi’s golden gaze was drier than a desert. “Of course...the majority of her business is not done under the grounds of medical treatment. It’ll be left up to personal discretion and word of mouth if people want to see someone who exacerbated Ko’s heart attack…”

‘Can’t we just literally push her off a cliff?’ Kaito thought tiredly. ‘I know we can’t stab her, execute her, whatever, but like… just send someone to sneak into her home, drag her out, throw her off the nearest cliff. Oh noooo, she tripped during a midnight walk, such a shame, tragedy, well, that’s another cautionary tale for the local teens sneaking out at night. Watch your step…’

“That’s a shame.” He just said quietly. Sipping at his coffee again… before saying softly, “May I ask you some legal questions? I don’t really… always know how things work in Dicea. I have some thoughts on the soon to be Miss MacAtolle, and would not want to embarrass Kokichi by behaving poorly.”

Aiichi nodded, for once agreeing with the dull distance in Kaito’s voice. Though, his gaze slid over in questioning interest at Kaito’s next point. “If you want to call her a rancid bitch in public, that’s more than legal. As for how Kokichi would feel about it...I think we both know that without looking through documents.”

The king allowed himself a grim sneer at that before he sighed, giving Kaito a gentle nod. “I’ll do my best to answer any questions you have. What are your thoughts, Kaito?”

Kaito blinked.

...did he know that? 

Glancing to the side uncomfortably, Kaito said, “Um… this may be foolish. I’m really trying to understand how Diceans do things… I’ve asked Shuuichi to… I have this portrait of Miss MacAtolle. I don’t entirely understand how your news service works, but are there any legal consequences to sending copies of her image to domestic and international news services, with a description of the case? Just with the hope that they’ll run it as a story? I don’t know if that’s something someone’s allowed to do…”

Aiichi...paused. Thinking. 

...there would be fewer cases of ignorance. There would always be a case of people not caring, but...people loved Kokichi. Anyone who would take up her services would have to contend with that knowledge. And...well. Seeing how it had happened in other cases…

Aiichi smiled. A small, pleased, vindictive little thing. “If you’re submitting it to papers without declaring the section it should be in, and only stating facts about the case...then yes. That’s legal. Anyone is allowed to submit articles and news to the papers, and even for a legal case, it’s interpreted as an interest piece. You’d be protected from slander laws. Internationally, that would depend on that country’s law, but there’s no issues from the Dicean side.”

“The portrait is purely just to give a bit more depth about the story,” Aiichi smiled. “It’s only fair, since people already know what Ko looks like.”

Kaito started to worry his knuckles. That was the part he kept getting stuck on... sure, what he was planning to do was hugely alarming in the first place. The sort of act, in Luminary, that would raise people’s eyebrows, would make people just as wary of Kaito as they would be of Cedar. More, really… the effect this would have on her family's reputation, her friends, acquaintances….

...but Kaito didn’t care about them. Hated her. And didn’t care about his own reputation by this point, anymore. His reputation couldn’t be any more raked through the mud, either here or in Luminary, than it already was. He doubted his story was presented in a much better light in Danganronpa or Novoselic or Kimigashine either. Kaito’s reputation, to be entirely honest? Was fucked. 

Oh well.

But Kokichi’s…

“Do you think this would embarrass him?” Kaito asked uncertainly. Bending his fingers to the point of pain, a genuinely concerned pinch between his eyebrows as he glanced up at King Aiichi, “I know that’s a question for him. But I… honestly, I don’t want to alarm him with any of this. Kokichi doesn’t like to talk about Cedar or the case or anything like it, and I’d rather do this bothering him as little as possible. But I don’t want to do it at all if this is going to hurt him. I’d rather she just… get away with it, if it’s a choice between one or the other.” 

At that, Aiichi frowned a bit, just as confused with the line of ‘embarrassment’ as his son was, though it was something that the two had never talked about. And...well, it certainly wasn’t all happy feelings that the only retribution the woman was getting was her license revoked, but she wasn’t ‘getting away with it’ either. 

But Aiichi didn’t address either of those things, at least for the time being, and instead put thought to Kaito’s actual question. And...the answer made him grimace. “...there’s the possibility that...well, it would affect him in the same vein as just why he doesn’t want to talk about it in general. He feels ashamed for trusting her. But...I don’t think this would specifically bother him any more than that.”

“Though,” the older man sighed, “We both know I haven’t historically been good at knowing what’s going on in Ko’s mind. Even if he feels ashamed and tries to shy away...if you feel strongly enough about this, then that’s a conversation you two should have. Guessing at what people feel rarely turns out well.”

Yeah.

Mind reading.

Kaito nodded, at least a little more reassured that his idea wasn’t going to have any legal consequences. But, for Kokichi… he really didn’t feel any more certain about that, after speaking to the King. Should have asked Ikou about that one. Maybe? Maybe they talked about stuff like that in their exchange of letters over the last decade. Heh. Maybe? Maybe Ikou wouldn’t be able to guess either. 

...Heh. 

Kaito wondered if Kokichi had ever had a conversation like that with ‘Auntie Nao’.

Honestly, that was so funny, in the most grotesque way… the more Kaito learned about things at the castle, the more he realized that out of all the adults in Kokichi’s life? Nao was probably one of the most involved, consistent people in Kokichi’s life. That sick, twisted bitch was probably the closest thing Kokichi actually had to a mother. Which, in regards to being involved in his upbringing?

Was probably the closest thing he had to a parent.

Honestly, Kaito was probably just lucky Kokichi hadn’t come out way worse, mental stability wise…

...he was so tired. 

Kaito grinned blankly, as he nodded his head, “Honestly, that was incredibly helpful on its own, thank you, King Aiichi. But, you’re correct, I should ask Kokichi that directly. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me… um. It’s fine if you don’t, but has there been any… just news in general from Luminary? Just anything that might not have been through the rumor mill yet?”

Kaede and Byakuya were both not taking calls from him. There were other people Kaito could reach out to, at the very least via letter, or by harassing some poor scribe over the phone somewhere, but Kaito mostly just took news of anything when it showed up. And now that the civil war was over, news came less frequently, though the bits that got through sounded positive! The indentured program was being officially closed down! It had been huge news, apparently, sent and celebrated internationally on Luminary’s dime, pamphlets and news letters and official statements sent everywhere. Kaito was amazed. He knew Kaede hadn’t liked the Indentured Program, but to move this quickly on it? It was really incredible, what a priority she was making it. 

The food situation… there was no news on the food situation. Luminary wasn’t sending out news about how dire that situation was. But it looked like the farms had solved the issue at least temporarily. At least it gave Kaede time to think of a more long term solution.

“I’m glad you came to talk to me. I know we aren’t close, but I enjoy speaking with you, Kaito. As for Luminary…” Aiichi thought about the situation there. And...it wasn’t really anything new. Byakuya and Marigold had been exiled and had fled to Novoselic, taken in by Sonia. The revolutionaries had relinquished the farms back to their owners and for public use, which had immediately been sent to the capital. The regular trade the Dicean government had been doing with the revolutionaries and the Kuzuryuu clan had been focused there too. And with even more provisions from Dicea ‘above board’, things weren’t as dire as they had been looking. 

Eventually, Aiichi settled on one bit of news he figured that...maybe Kaito hadn’t heard yet. “I’ve heard that Queen Kaede’s coronation went well. We’ve had one conversation with the establishment she’s made but...as you can imagine, she and the others in Luminary’s government are rather focused on internal affairs. If any news does come my way, though, I’ll let you know.”

...Kaito wasn’t looking for comfort from him. But...Aiichi still gave him a small, gentle smile. “...not just from Luminary too.”

Maybe Byakuya would get in touch with him in Novoselic. 

Kaito bowed his head again, “Thank you. Again, I really appreciate it. May I take my leave?”

“As you wish, Kaito,” Aiichi bowed back, getting up to see his son-in-law out. “Please tell Kokichi I say hi. Shuuichi as well.”

“Of course.”

Kaito hesitated, taking a small little breath. Alright… he really just needed to suck it up and ask Kokichi. He couldn’t do it behind his husband’s back, as much as he’d like to keep the burden off of him. The consequences were too far reaching, to do it without Kokichi’s permission. So, he’d… just ask.

...he wondered if his men wanted to go down for lunch or not? Maybe he should grab food before heading up… nah, he’d just make a second trip if they wanted to eat in the room. It’d be fine.

He headed up.

-

The painkiller got around to doing its thing eventually, and Kokichi was able to get back to sleep. And...he ended up doing that for most of the morning, resting in bed with Shuuichi. While he’d much prefer to be well and be able to work regularly again, there was something nice about knowing that everything was being taken care of and he could just...chill. No worries or plans to prepare for. 

He eventually woke up right around the morning turning to afternoon and...well, there still wasn’t anything he needed to do. For the moment, his headache had receded, though Kokichi had a feeling he’d want another painkiller at some point that day, but for now he was just enjoying...existing. Warm and cozy under the blankets and wrapped up with Shuuichi as he lazily looked at the sunny day outside the window. 

Hmm...he hoped things had gone well for Kaito and those girls today…

Kaito stood outside the door… alright, Momota. Game face. Come on, shake it off, it was fine. Let’s go! We got this! 

Slapping both of his cheeks lightly, PAT PAT, trying to physically shake off his funk, he rolled his shoulders, grinned lightly at the wood, and told himself ‘Things are fine. You’re good. Maybe clean the room a bit if his guys were still asleep?’

Finding some comfort in that idea-- cleaning was just an easy way to feel productive without thinking too hard about anything-- Kaito opened the door and peeked inside… whelp, looked like they were still out. Cleaning it was.

Quietly closing the door behind him, Kaito wordlessly started picking up the clothes littered around the floor.

Kokichi glanced over as he heard the door open, smiling a bit. Aw...there he was, his guy. And...he looked alright, but… Hm. Kaito cleaning wasn’t always an indication of something. They could all be a little messy--namely, leaving clothes all over the floor--so they did have to clean, time to time. 

...he wasn’t sure. But the best way to know was to talk to Kaito. 

Shifting in bed a little, still comfortably by Shuuichi’s side but not limited to seeing Kaito out of the corner of his eye, Kokichi grinned lazily, softly humming. “Hey good lookin’,” he softly murmured, trying not to wake Shuuichi up. “How’s it feelin’ bein’ the most productive person in the room?”

Kaito startled a little-- he really had thought they both were still asleep, and glancing over to them, Shuichi at least very clearly still was, though lavender eyes playfully peeked out to him-- before chuckling lightly. Putting the clothes he had collected into the hamper, he asked softly, “Terrible. I thought I signed up to be a trophy husband? Shouldn’t I be lounging sexily by a pool somewhere?”

Heading over to the bed, Kaito sat down on the side, reaching over to brush Kokichi’s hair off his face a bit as he said softly, “I wake ya, babe? How ya feeling…?”

Kokichi grinned a bit, seeing Kaito jump. Sure, he’d been facing away when Kaito opened the door, so it wasn’t like he was a master of subterfuge or anything...but it was still fun. “I think we’d need to get a pool first for that…”

Closing his eyes and enjoying Kaito’s fingers in his hair--though Kokichi had a sneaking suspicion that Kaito was going to insist on another hair-brushing session soon--Kokichi lifted his hand to trace soft imprints on Kaito’s wrist. “Nah, I woke up just a bit before you came in. I feel...good. For now, at least.”

Again he stretched out under the covers, stretching his legs out and wiggling his toes--something he was managing to do with more ease every day. “It looks like a nice day out… How’d things go with Behemoth?”

“Fine.” Kaito automatically said. It wasn’t… a lie. The girls hadn’t… been outraged or offended or in tears or anything like that. He had just watched the small, stunned… horror in their faces, when they realized what their religion looked like in this country. Had wanted to wilt up and die when he saw the embarrassed look on Savannah’s face when she had asked Priest Bullsworth to repeat himself, assuming she had to have misheard him when she heard him call her god a god of Whores and Concubines. Had just been unable to think of anything to say to reassure them after taking them out to grab ice cream, partly to soothe them, partly as an apology for fucking up so badly that he had forgotten to warn them first…

But, even with all of that, it’s not like it had gone badly. It had just been uncomfortable. Uncomfortable wasn’t the same as bad.

“We talked to Behemoth, he showed us where Atuan’s meet up, do their rituals. A nice little community building over on 12th. Had a playground and a garden. Well lit. The process of becoming a priestess is pretty simple in Dicea, you just apply for a register. Behemoth said whether anyone in the religious community listens to you becomes more about getting involved in the meetings, rather than having the title.” Kaito continued to brush through Kokichi’s hair, massaging his scalp with his fingernails, “Took the girls out for some ice cream afterwards and brought them home. Came back here almost right after that.”

“You hungry, babe? Did you guys eat the breakfast I brought up?” He asked, looking over to the metal platter, still covered, that he had left on the desk. In theory, the food inside was eaten, but it looked suspiciously undisturbed. 

“Oh…” Kokichi softly hummed. “Yeah, I think I know the place. I like the tire swing they have on the playground...you can spin pretty fast on it.” He was glad it went alright. Considering the bender Kaito had gone on when he learned what Atua looked like in Dicea, he’d been a little worried about how the girls would take it. But considering they were kids and...not Momotas, he supposed Behemoth would’ve been a little more gentle in letting them know. 

“And the leadership stuff...that sounds about right. I never really knew much about the Atuan community here before we went to see ‘em together, but I’ve been to other temples and religious gatherings a few times. The leaders always seemed very involved with their community…” It made sense. That was the model of leadership throughout Dicea. A title was just a word--unless you made good on the trust of others, people weren’t going to listen. 

If he had to guess, Kokichi would think the girls just would have a lot to think over, but...he was glad to hear it hadn’t been a bad time for them. 

Glancing over to the breakfast Kaito had brought up, Kokichi smiled sheepishly. “...Shuu-chan did help me with my tea. And we ate a little…” ...but by the time the pain-killer had started to kick in, Shuuichi had been more than happy to snuggle back down in bed and go back to sleep with him. 

“Uh huh… well, tea and at least a little food is something.” Kaito mused, glancing over at Shuichi, “I’m stunned he’s still asleep. Though, maybe I shouldn’t be too surprised. He’s never been a morning person before the pregnancy, and I gotta assume he’s constantly exhausted now. Not much longer of all of this… then he’ll be in recovery. That’ll be good… and youuuuu,” Kaito cooed, leaning over to give his husband a chaste kiss, “Are looking stronger and stronger every day. That’s good…”

Another small kiss… before, an amused grin, “You should brush your teeth. Want help to the bathroom?”

Just a month and a half, and they’d get to meet their daughter. And Shuuichi would finally be able to put her down. It had seemed daunting before, but really...actually going through these five months of being full term size… Shuuichi could sleep in for the whole day if he wanted, as far as Kokichi was concerned. 

Kokichi smiled into the kiss, kissing back, though he stuck his tongue out a little as Kaito brought up that he hadn’t brushed his teeth yet. Like...yeah, it was gross, but...ugh. Sighing, Kokichi nodded, starting to shuffle himself to the edge of the bed. “Yes please. I really think I’m close to making it on my own, but...I’ve just woken up. I’m allowed to be groggy.”

Kokichi sat up as he made to get down from the bed, stretching and hearing his back pop from being curled up for so long. “Mm...please don’t work me too hard when I get back to training… I’m taking my leisurely walks.”

“Gonna make you run up the nearest mountain.” Kaito teased, scooping his husband up and heading over to the bathroom, keeping Kokichi around his hip and holding him close, “Trek through the cliff peak snow… make you dig and dig and dig until you find the one flower that’s managed to grow in the rigid, high climate. And then bring it back down and cook it up for Shuichi. I mean… that seems like some magical quest shit to me. Maybe it’ll be a magic flower? That’d be pretty cool… I had a point.”

Kaito paused, unable to remember what it was, as he placed Kokich down in front of the sink. “...maybe I didn’t have a point. I think I just got caught up daydreaming. All well.”

Kokichi looped his arms around Kaito’s shoulder as he listened to the absolutely unavoidable exercise regimen waiting for him. With a gross, unbrushed mouth, he kissed at Kaito’s cheek and shoulder, just feeling affectionate today, he supposed. Or maybe his germ-y mouth was punishment for such horrible exercise. 

“Making me cook too? Kai-chan’s brutal. I’d probably manage to give someone food poisoning even trying to cook a flower.” Kokichi’s legs trembled for a moment as he stood in front of the sink, but he steadied himself after not too long, leaning some of his weight on the counter. Slowly but surely he was getting there. 

Kokichi got his brush and toothpaste ready, about to brush his teeth. “Oh, but...were you asking about lunch? I could go for a proper meal soon. And Shuu-chan’s prolly gonna be hungry when he wakes up.”

“I was asking about lunch. We can go grab some food, bring back some for Shuichi. Somehow I get the feeling he won’t be heartbroken to not come down with us…” Kaito watched Kokichi brush his teeth idly, standing by in case Kokichi’s strength failed him, ready to catch him. His husband seemed alright though… “If you’re feeling up to more solid food today, I’d be up to taking you out into town for food? Spoil ourselves, get some air?”

Kokichi’s eyes widened a bit, the prospect of...going out to eat? Not having occurred to him at all. While he did go out for Hanami, it was just...like Kokichi didn’t even conceptualize going out until he was solidly back on his feet. But it was more than an option to him still. 

He just brushed his teeth for a moment, not trusting himself to not spray toothpaste foam everywhere if he spoke, but he did give Kaito a nod before he spit and rinsed. “That sounds amazing, actually… I’ve missed eating solid food so much Kai-chan, you don’t even know. I’ll have to get dressed and...we should probably take my chair. I don’t think I can make it walking all the way to a restaurant or one of the food carts in the marketplace…”

Kokichi turned, beaming up at his husband, actually feeling...really excited at the idea of going out. “Mind helping me to the closet?”

“Getting the chair should be easy enough, I’ll just swing down to the medical wing and bring it up. Easy-peasy.” Kaito said, mostly talking to himself, making plans as, upon the request, he swooped Kokichi up again, taking him bridal style out of the bathroom and to the closet. Instead of putting him down this time, though, he turned on the light in the closet and looked around, shifting Kokichi up so that he could sit easily on Kaito’s arm, his back against Kaito’s chest, “It’s pretty warm out today. What do you want to wear?”

In the bed, Shuichi blinked… where was his cuddle buddy? Mmmmm… was it time to get up?

….no. No it was not, he decided, turning over and going back to sleep.

Kokichi smiled a bit at how Kaito chose to carry him this time--which put him at prime chest-nuzzling height. Kokichi gave his husband’s pec a kiss before doing just that, enjoying the faint sound of Kaito’s heartbeat next to his ear. It was a nice moment while it lasted. 

Taking a look around his clothes, Kokichi considered things for a moment, before pointing to a few items. “Those long plaid shorts--even if it’s warm, I’d rather not have my legs stick to my chair--and...oh, I’ll wear that yellow shirt you got me!” Kokichi knew exactly why Kaito had gotten it, since the ‘outer’ part of the shirt went off his shoulders and was held up by thin straps that sat close to his neck, but not quite a halter top. But...it was a cute, comfortable shirt, and Kokichi had found himself enjoying wearing it. 

“Oh, and I want some new underwear and short socks, but we can just grab whatever for those from the drawer…”

Hearing some shuffling from the bed, Kokichi turned, just able to see enough to know that Shuuichi had not gotten up. He could sleep in a little more, and wake up for some good food they’d bring back for him. Maybe even a small dessert!

-

They got Kokichi all dressed, Kaito spent… a considerable amount of time admiring his husband in his outfit-- yessss… that shirt dripped off Kokichi’s shoulder just right-- before only changing his own shirt twice. Which, considering they were going out to lunch, ‘Kichi, felt entirely reasonable, yes, even though I was already dressed for the day, I don’t see your point. 

Then, grabbing the chair, Kaito got Kokichi set up, went to give Shuichi a small kiss, who made an indistinct noise and turned over again, and the two were off! 

Kaito didn’t really have anywhere specific in mind, as they headed down into town. Mostly, he just liked the idea of walking around town with Kokichi, for as long as his husband felt up to it. It was a beautiful day, after all, the kind of day where you could smell the pollen from the flowers and trees, everyone out and in a good mood. Even if it wasn’t a beautiful day, so long as his husband was having a good time? More than worth being out here.

Though, eventually, the question came… “Hungry for anything in particular?” Kaito asked, looking around idly as he pushed the chair forward.

Kokichi could sit in the window seat, could sit in the yard, but it felt so different from beaming in the sun--sunscreened up, of course--while going through town. It felt...friendlier. And that reflected in his smile that he gave the world and the various people they passed. 

It felt good to be outside. 

“Mmm…” Kokichi thought, just...having a good time looking around, people watching a bit. “I think I’d be happy with pretty much anything… It’s still on the earlier side, compared to when we’d usually end up going out to eat. Wanna hit up a diner? I know they usually have burgers ‘n stuff if Kai-chan wants to load up on meat, and we’d definitely be able to find something to bring back for Shuu-chan.”

Getting, like...a loaded hash or a fancy sandwich sounded pretty good, actually. Nothing too over the top, but...Kokichi felt like he could eat something more substantial than porridge and soft eggs. 

Oh my god, a hamburger sounded amazing… and fries. And chicken strips. And maybe some more ice cream. And maybe…

Damn, Kaito was hungry, he guessed. 

“Yeah, sounds good. We can’t go to the diner me and Miss Crystal always go to though. I ordered the same thing every time for like four sessions in a row? And now they think I just always want that, and they don’t wait for me to order anymore, they just bring it when they see us come in, ‘Kichi, and I am too embarrassed to tell them that I sometimes want things other than steak and mashed potatoes with broccoli and lime. But, Kokichi, sometimes I want other things.”

Kokichi snorted a bit, giving his husband a soft look. “I mean, that’s some real personal service, and that sounds like a good meal. But alright, we can find another place. If you wanted, though, I could ask them about lettin’ ya order.”

He...was vaguely familiar with the diner Kaito had his therapy sessions at, so...okay, not that one. Where else…?

“Oh! Do you know where that big fountain kinda on the west end of the shopping district is? The one that always has a bunch of kids playing in it when it’s nice out. I’m pretty sure there’s a good diner around there--wanna check it out?”

“Big fountain crossroad place. On it.” Kaito agreed, before chuckling to himself a little. “And, thanks babe, but somehow the idea of my husband going into the diner and telling them, on my behalf, ‘please ask The Luminary Prince what he wants to order before you bring him steak, please’ because I was too chicken shit to say anything myself would be… really, really dumb.” he paused, before confessing, “It’d give me more to talk to Miss Crystal about, admittedly. She’d get a kick out of it.”

Heading down the road, people waving and wishing Prince Kokichi an excited good afternoon! Good day, Prince Kokichi! Good to see you out and about, Prince Kokichi! They finally got to the fountain in question. No children playing in it today, but there were a group of teenagers sitting on the edges, one of them regalling the others with some story or another. Meanwhile, a group of older people were gossiping outside a fancy soup shop next to the diner, Kaito heading past all of this and, nodding gratefully as someone heading out held the door open for him, a hostess, beaming brightly as she realized it was, in fact, Prince Kokichi, brought them to a corner window table, able to look out towards the fountain, the people coming and going as the light shone in.

Taking Kokichi out of his chair, placing him into the booth and folding up the wheelchair, tucking it away, before settling in himself. “Alright… this place looks nice.” Kaito complimented, looking around, “You’ve been here before, ‘Kichi?”

“Not necessarily,” Kokichi hummed, not combative, but just...explaining another way to look at things. “Some people just get nervous with that kind of stuff; ordering food or asking for help in a shop, ‘n stuff. Sometimes it’s easier if someone else can start that conversation. But if you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

Kokichi hadn’t met with the women for a long time, but between Kaito and Shuuichi, Kokichi got enough side comments to get the picture of how she was doing these days, and that she was just as bizarre and intrigued as ever. But as much as he wanted to ask how therapy was going, Kaito never talked about his sessions too much, so Kokichi wouldn’t pry. He trusted Kaito to bring something up if he wanted to talk. 

And to be fair, he didn’t have anything particularly exciting from his own sessions to share either. They had been talking a lot about Kokichi’s control habits and ideas of personal responsibility, as well as Kokichi’s feelings of never feeling like ‘enough’...though ‘never’ was more of a thing in the past, these days. He still got down on himself in that vein sometimes, but...more and more, Kokichi was feeling...capable, and not feeling like it was a personal failing when he came across things he couldn’t do. It was really nice…

Kokichi greeted the hostess and was happily pleased with getting the corner window, his gaze immediately drawn to the outdoors though he still had a menu to peruse. Though, he turned back to Kaito when his husband spoke up. “No, I haven’t, but I’ve been around this area. The fountain is a really good way to cool off, and I always noticed that this place smelled really good. Though,” he giggled, “I might just be biased since I could smell pancakes and whatever seasonal fruit topping they’d made. That’s always a quick way to get me interested.”

Kaito nodded at that, remembering, right… Kokichi hadn’t been in the habit of going to restaurants. At all. Because he’d be ‘caught’. 

… Kaito felt his stomach sink slightly at that, but ignored it. Thinking about Kokichi’s past always depressed Kaito. There was nothing to be done about it now.

...it was all so recent. 

Kaito stared blankly at the menu, lost in his thoughts, just a little generally sad. But, as a waiter went by with large, large, woooonderfully smelling hamburgers, Kaito was delightfully distracted from his melancholy as he watched the platter go by. That. He was definitely having that. He was having two of those. Mmmmmm….~

“Guess I can guess what you’re gonna get then, huh?” Kaito teased lightly, though before he could go any further with that, a waitress stopped by, cheerily taking their orders, before telling Kokichi that the diner was super excited to have him!

Man, he’d love to have a stack of fluffy pancakes and...like, syrupy strawberries on top. But especially after having a small breakfast, even if he wasn’t going to be doing much, Kokichi needed a bit more variety in his meal to keep himself going. So, maybe to Kaito’s surprise, Kokichi ended up ordering a cheese toasted sandwich with a variety of meat and veggies inside with a side of cubed fruit, being positively responsible about his meals. 

He talked briefly with their waitress, complimenting the establishment and talking a little about how he was happy to finally come in, but soon enough it was just the two of them again. And everything outside the window, but Kokichi could look and talk. “What do you think we should get for Shuu-chan? Since we’re ordering before we go, pretty much anything should keep well, I think.”

Kaito, endlessly pleased with Kokichi’s choice, ordered two hamburger BLT’s, fries side for one meal, veggie mix for the other one, annnnd can you order chicken strips on the side? No? Well, just another meal of chicken strips wiiiiiith cheesie bread, thank you! Anything else? No, no… another peer into the menu… careful consideration… before ultimately settling on, yeah, no, that should be enough, thank you.

As the waitress left, Kaito briefly considered calling her back and asking, well, actually, the half-plate of ribs, how much ribs is that, exactly… but no, no. That was enough food. It was fine.

“Maybe get him ribs?” Kaito asked, just because it was on his mind, “Ribs, maybe some mashed potatoes and veggies. Probably a dessert too, he’d never let me live it down if I went to a diner and didn’t get him a slice of pie or something.”

Kokichi knew that his husband could have quite the appetite, but this was really something. Maybe he’d skimped on breakfast too? It almost reminded Kokichi of the plates Kaito would pile high back when they were still doing wedding planning…

(...it was pretty reasonable to assume Kaito was stressed out. But Kokichi had tried asking before and...if Kaito didn’t want to talk about it with him, Kokichi could only hope he was talking about it with Miss Crystal.)

Nodding a bit, Kokichi hummed. “That sounds good. I saw that this place has an entire separate menu for pies, so we can get him a slice--I’m not sure if he’d like something simple and tried and true or something a little more over the top. I saw that chocolate cream pie with the cookie crumbles on top when we came in? Shuu-chan could devour that.” 

“I think I saw that too, and yeah, Shuchi would lose his mind on that thing.” Kaito agreed, also peering out the window, watching the group of teenagers stand up and start heading off, off to do teenager things… Kaito wondered what teens did in Dicea? He had to assume the party at the brewery was unusual, something edgy and dark that a large group of kids and adults too old to be hanging with those kids had done for the novelty of it. Dicea didn’t seem like a ‘drinking/orgy’ kind of environment. Man… they had been having orgies there. Kaito would have never guessed. He wasn’t a fan of orgies, but wow. You’d think he’d have been able to smell it… maybe they cleaned up real well.

Death cultist orgies… what a weird experience, that had been. 

“Hey, ‘Kichi?” Kaito asked, looking at Kokichi curiously, “Are you and Secretary Hideki close?”

It would be a good way to bribe Shuuichi into waking up too. If they’d just brought lunch, it would be a toss-up. But even if he wasn’t starving, the promise of a decadent pie would have Shuuichi at the very least opening his eyes. 

Kokichi looked back over to Kaito with some surprise from where he’d been watching a few ducks float around the stiller parts of the fountain. “I mean… Not as close as my dad and I are, but...yeah?”

There was a pause, before Kokichi gave his husband a...slightly guilty look. “I know you two...don’t really get along. But...unless I was sick, Hideki and I spent several hours together every day for my entire childhood. And even outside of my tutoring sessions...sometimes we’d just talk, or play board games, or he’d show me the work he was doing… Um. Toshio would always try and bring back souvenirs for me from whatever trip he’d been on, and while he’d try to tell me about the place, he and Hideki would get in debates for ages…” Kokichi smiled a bit, thinking about those precious memories. 

“We don’t really...talk as much these days, though…” Kokichi bit the inside of his cheek a bit. “...does it bother you? That we’re close?”

Kaito blinked. “No. I’m just trying to piece together what life was like for you, babe. You don’t talk about Hideki much, but I’ve just been thinking about things lately. Just want to get to know you a little better, that’s all.”

Boom.

There was the second parent.

At the very least for his teenage years. Aiichi barely could be bothered to involve himself in his son’s life, but Kaito had been quietly obsessing over his revelation not that many days ago that the king had had no competition for his son’s affections as a parent, and had still managed to completely fail to win a place there as one. There had to be other adults in Kokichi’s life that had filled up the holes. Sure, Ikou provided love and support over long distance, but for a decade? There was no way his husband had made no other bonds over a decade. 

It was like the situation with his ‘siblings’. There were ‘parents’ out there that his husband wasn’t acknowledging. Kaito just had to figure out who they were and… adjust. Kaito’s fears and offense and insecurities weren’t going to be the thing that kept his husband from enjoying life with his loved ones.

Did he want to throw Hideki down a flight of stairs? Sure! All the time! Did he want Nao to choke on a bowl of cereal and die a stupid, embaressed failure who couldn’t even safely chew cereal? Absolutely.

...but, well. He had wanted the same thing for Lake and Denji once. And those feelings had hurt his husband. And, besides… what were some murderous urges among family? Damn near normal, in Kaito’s experience. Family always wanted to kill each other, a little. That didn’t mean you, like… didn’t love each other, or anything.

It was just love and murder. That was all.

“Hideki’s a smart guy. I could see how spending a lot of time with someone like him made someone like you. You’re both smart cookies.” Kaito complimented, resting his cheek against his fist, staring out at the view again. “And Toshio, as I’ve come to find out, was very cool, and very brave. Can see how having someone like that in your life would have influenced you too. You’re also very cool and very brave. Clears things up a bit… maybe we should be inviting him to stuff more. Hideki. Like… I don’t know, what sort of stuff is he into?”

...honestly Kokichi felt like he talked about his childhood a lot, and...well, he knew Kaito kind of hated Hideki, so he tried not to mention him that much. But...if Kaito wanted to ask questions Kokichi hadn’t thought to mention, he didn’t mind talking. 

But it was still...weird to hear Kaito talking like this. 

“...really,” Kokichi flatly said, raising an eyebrow. “Kai-chan...but you hate Hideki. You were thrilled when I mentioned he wouldn’t be by for Unity. I’m glad that I can still have a relationship with him without it putting a strain on you, but...you don’t have to force yourself to spend time with him. He works most of the time anyway…”

...maybe it was a weird subject change, but Kaito complimenting his other uncle...pinged a memory in Kokichi’s mind. His expression fell into something...contemplative for a moment, a little ashamed, but determined. 

“...sorry for the weird segue, but…” Kokichi sighed softly. “...I never properly apologized to you about our fight in the greenhouse. It wasn’t fair of me to lash out at you like that. You had really been trying to be kind and...even if I didn’t understand that in some ways, there are tons of better ways I could’ve confronted you about that than yelling at you for a bunch of things that...honestly had nothing to do with you.”

“And especially...since what set it off was you being respectful to my mom’s friends? Hearing about something really brave they did?” Kokichi sighed again, his shoulders slumped. “It was extremely disrespectful to both you and them to just...take that and make it about myself. I know we’ve come a long way, but...I feel like I should make a proper apology to you.”

Kaito shrugged a little about the comment of hating Hideki, though the corners of his lips briefly twitched upwards at the memory of being told Hideki wouldn’t be coming around for Unity. Nice… but! That was the point! It was why Kaito had to be better! He didn’t want his husband estranged from his loved ones just because Kaito hated them. That wasn’t fair. 

It was lonely, not having the comfort of your childhood family.

Kaito wasn't going to do that to Kokichi. Not if he could help it, and he could. He was certain of it. He just had to be better. Which meant… “Well, sure, I don’t like spending time with the guy. Pretty sure he hates me too. Why wouldn’t he? Lots of reasons to hate me. I get it. But, like… you can invite him to things if you want to. And spend time with him. Let him…” Kaito, briefly, felt a flashing hot pit of rage run through him at this idea… that he shushed down like a bad dog barking as he said, “...spend time with Miya someday, ya know? Let her get to know her, I dunno… great-uncle? Is Hideki ‘uncle’ territory for you?”

Sure, Hideki might tell Miya stories of Luminary to get her to hate the country growing up… but Kato had already kind of reserved himself to the idea that he’d probably be battling that for most of her life. Stories talking about his violent, worthless, war-mongering country, led by the maniacal and insane Momota family… he hoped, out of respect to her heritage, people might not word it that harshly. But Miyako would be learning about Luminary through the lens of Diceans. He just… had to accept that it wasn’t going to be the most ‘rose colored’ lenses. 

He was gonna tell her stories though… Luminary folk lore and history, stories about her grandparents and her uncle and aunt, the Momota history. And, sure, Atua was different here, but he’d tell her about the saints, and their accomplishments, and, yeah, he’d tell her about Atua bolstering the Momota family to drive out the tyrants who left the worst of the plague and famines on the most vulnerable of their citizens, until finally the people rose up!...

...and someone else would tell her about the people doing the same thing, a few months before she was born, against her Momota family. And… Kaito would just have to wait and see what his daughter made of all of that herself. He couldn’t stop the world from telling her its own, recent history. He just had to live with it.

Speaking of talking about recent history…

Kaito frowned, a little sheepish, as he asked, “Is that what started that? Your mom’s friends doing… something?”

The question was sincere, but the second Kaito said it aloud, the memory started coming in clearer. Oooooh, right. The fire… “They…” Kaito frowned, brow furrowing, trying to recall. 

That whole day was a mess of mostly violent, colorful, terror filled moments, buffered between lots of muddled memories of feeling sad and resentful and… in a lot of pain. That’s right, he had been all kinds of hurt before Tim had ever stabbed him. He remembered his ribs hurt like a motherfucker. Why?... Oh, yeah, pollen dose, Maki beat him up… didn’t she stab him before that too? Was that the same day the general knocked him around? No, no, that was later… oh! No, no it wasn’t, that’s right, the general had sparred him too that day. And Maki had stabbed him during their spar, that’s right…

Then Kaito, half asleep, worried about Kokichi running off when there was an assassin around, had offered to go up to the green house with him… and Kokichi had told him… “They… were trying to rescue people from a fire? At a theater?”

Kokichi’s eyebrows raised a little, but...he’d been talking about this a lot in therapy too. That things that were seared into your memory, or things that stood out to you like they were covering in flashing lights just...might be completely unnoticeable to other people. In some cases, like the fears social anxieties brought, people were just too caught up in themselves and their own lives to notice things going on with you. And even in shared experiences...everyone experienced it a little different. 

Sighing, still feeling ashamed of how he’d acted, and that was plain from the slight grimace on his face, Kokichi nodded. “I was trying to scare you with a ghost story, since I was set on being an asshole to you. So I told you the story of how the theater burned down, and how two of my mom’s friends had stepped up to evacuate everyone, but ended up dying… You said something about how brave they must have been and...instead of agreeing, because, really, they were… I just lost it on you.”

“Oh… right. Sorry, I kind of forgot that whole part of it...I knew I had said something to set you off, but honestly…” Kaito took a sip of his water, shaking his head a little, “I assumed I had said something about Aiichi or something. My clearest memory from that fight was you just looking at me with this… devastated look on your face, when you told me…” Kaito looked around uncertainly, before saying very, very lowly, not wanting to be overheard, “That your father wanted to kill you… or, no, not that he was going to do it himself, but that he wanted you dead… something like that… you were saying no one wanted you around, I think, that people wanted you dead… I really fixated on the whole ‘wanting you dead’ thing…”

Kaito chuckled, even if it wasn’t funny, as he said softly, “You were so small… you had never looked so small, then in that moment. Before that, you had such a cocky energy to you. You took up more space, flourished, strutted. I was so intimidated by you… I had no idea what the fuck to do with you? I couldn’t predict your moods or what you wanted, and you were so tough… I felt like I was scrambling to just keep up with you. And then you said with these furious, red eyes that your father wanted you dead, kneeling in the dirt… you looked so small…”

“...I accept your apology, but I’m sorry if I made it sound like I was… I don’t know.” Kaito frowned, realizing he still wasn’t quite sure why complimenting the bravery of the two people in the story had set Kokichi off, but guessed, “... dismissive, or maybe treating it like it wasn’t the tragedy it was or something. Stories of bravery always impress me, but sometimes I don’t treat them with the gravity it deserves.”

“...” Kokichi sighed rubbing the back of his neck a little. “...that’s another thing I should apologize for. Suicide baiting in front of you, essentially… I made a lot of mistakes that night, in what I said to you. Even if I can only recognize them as mistakes now…”

But even with all of that...Kokichi couldn’t help smiling at his husband. Just...completely in love with this man. “I think...you, Shuu-chan, and Maki-chan were the only people to ever think of me like that from first meeting.” He shook his head. “No, you did treat it with the proper gravity, and that’s what made me mad.”

“I had gotten it into my head that...you thought I was some weak, idiot little kid who couldn’t do anything. That you thought I was pathetic, not worth even basic consideration… And then hearing you, in a soft moment, honor some truly brave people… I got mad, because you’d only heard about them in a story, and honored them, while I felt like you thought I was nothing even after meeting each other like...four times.” Kokichi shook his head. “Don’t even ask me how that makes any sense, I don’t know. I wasn’t making much sense that night.”

“To be totally fair, I…” Kaito’s brow furrowed again, trying to get his memories sorted, “...think I tried to kill you earlier that day? Was that the same day… so, I mean. It’s fair your assumptions of my mindset weren’t the most charitable. It’s annoying when the bad guy says nice things. Like, commit, ya know? Either be an insufferable prick all the time, or knock it off with that shit.” Kaito grinned playfully. “No one wants their enemies to be sympathetic. Takes all the fun out of hating them.”

Kokichi snorted, taking a sip of his water. “I think that was the day before. Maybe? Those first few days had way too much going on. And I assumed the ‘trying to kill me’ stuff was all the poison’s work. But it did make it easier to stand up to you…”

He laughed a little more. “You know, my therapist once said that the bigger the problem we’re facing, the better we are at facing it. ‘We’, as in you, me, and Shuu-chan. Apparently it’s pretty weird. But we are kinda weird, so it tracks.”

Noticing more prominent movement out of the corner of his eye, Kokichi perked up as he noticed their waitress coming by with a tray of food. A...whole lot of food. It sounded like a lot when Kaito was ordering, but seeing it all together… “Got a big appetite today?”

“Just feel hungry, today.” Kaito shrugged, though he felt his mouth water as he watched the food approach. Yesssssssss…

The waitress expertly put down the plates, handing Kokichi his sandwich and sides, before surrounding Kaito by his, just, too many entrees. Thanking the waitress, the two started to dig into their meal, a quiet coming over them for a moment, as Kaito dug into the first burger, honestly eating the whole thing in a few, overly large bites, before sighing, moving on to the next burger with more reasonable pacing.

“... I don’t really…” Kaito considered his wording, before correcting, “I don’t resent everything that happened in the beginning, Kokichi. I know… we both did some really terrible things to each other. And I don’t mean that I don’t wish we had done it differently. I wish I had done a lot of things differently. But, wishing things had been different isn’t the same as resenting what did happen. I know that… I just mean to say that I get why you’re apologizing. And I really do appreciate it. Probably more than I even realize, at the moment. But I don’t resent it, cause I don’t think you’d have done it if I hadn’t earned it in some way, and I don’t think you’d do it again. So, I don’t know… it’s hard to resent something like that.”

Biting into the sandwich, through the crispy cheese and toasted bread and all the filings… Kokichi groaned softly, having missed having food he needed to chew. He liked soups enough, but now that he could have solid food again? Nothing liquid! Dense food for days!

...of course he still heard Kaito. The glory of a good meal wasn’t completely taking him over. 

And...more or less, he agreed. 

“I get it,” he hummed. “I mean...I’d hesitate to say you deserved any of what I did to you, but...we made mistakes. And we’ve both moved forward a lot since then. I just...realized that I had never apologized, even if it was understandable or we moved on or...whatever. And it didn’t feel right to never acknowledge that.”

Tilting his head to the side as he popped a chunk of pineapple into his mouth, Kokichi mused, “I don’t think it’s always...dredging up old shit to talk about it. Maybe it’s alright to go back to things with a new perspective, even just for a brief visit to apologize.”

Almost amusingly, considering the time they were talking about, Kokichi reached his leg forward under the table, to gently touch along the side of Kaito’s leg. “I love you, sweets.”

Kaito, popping a chicken strip into his mouth, blushed a little at the foot against his leg, even if it was more gentle affection than anything sexual… and, entirely because it had been on his mind before the gentle touch happened, Kaito said quietly, “I wish I hadn’t told you not to move.”

Shaking his head, he said, “I know I did a lot of shitty things in the beginning of our relationship, but man… that one keeps me up at night, sometimes. I… I treated you badly… I have no idea what the fuck was wrong with me. I was so...” Kaito frowned, a swirl of shame boiling like acid in his stomach, “...fucking aggresive with you.”

Kokichi frowned sadly at that, giving Kaito’s leg one last little nudge before lowering his leg back down. Shit got tiring, even if it was an excellent sign that he could do it at all. “...yeah.”

“I mean… I wish I had spoken up more. Talked to you more. I can’t even guess at how much would’ve changed if I’d just been willing to speak up…” Kokichi sighed. “But… Damn, I’m mind reading again. So...correct me? But...I have a feeling that...knowing I have my own regrets doesn’t really...help yours any.”

...he thought back to that conversation. The faces Kaito would make sometimes. “...does it feel worse ‘cause I forgave you?”

“In the beginning?” Kaito said sincerely, “It felt awful.”

Kaito was picking through his fries, dipping them into the ketchup-- which tasted different than the ketchup at home. So did the fries, actually. But it wasn’t bad-- and was about to go on… when he hesitated.

Looking up at Kokichi, he said softly, “We don’t have to talk about this, if you don’t feel up to it. We can change the subject.”

How the two of them felt about things like justice and penance...it was completely different. And in the beginning...Kokichi had a feeling they both felt miserable. And then...Kokichi had come to terms, and...had just left his husband with those horrible feelings. And now...he supposed he was about to learn. 

Kokichi gave Kaito a soft look, but he shook his head. “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m alright. I think...this might be an overdue conversation for us and...I want to know what you’re thinking. How you feel. About most things, really, but...this is a really important one for us. If you’re not ready for this conversation, then I’ll respect that, but...I do want to talk about this.”

Kaito nodded, giving himself a moment as he ate a few more fries, before taking a large fork and digging into his vegetables. 

“...I mean… I didn’t really understand why it felt as awful as it did. One of those things from my upbringing that I didn’t really know how to… explain? Until suddenly nobody around me understood what the fuck I was on about.” Kaito said, keeping his voice low, really not wanting to out their dirty laundry to any of the other diners. But, like the diner he did his therapy sessions in, there was a constant buzz of noise around them, people all focused on their own thing, and it was easy to feel like their conversation was entirely private, even in the middle of a busy restaurant.

“I just… I’ve never been responsible for my own…” Kaito thought to how he wanted to word it, “...punishment, before. And I just didn’t know what to do. Growing up, if I did something wrong? There were… really obvious punishments. Specifically for the things I did. I have scars on my body that I could point out to you and explain to you what I did that led to them. And once I was punished? That was it. I was done. I was expected to move on, because the penance was paid.”

“But… I did something terrible… and nothing happened. I just… I just got away with it. And I don’t know… I had no idea when I was supposed to… like…” Kaito sighed, rubbing his temple, “...it sounds so stupid to say aloud… I didn’t know when I was allowed to stop thinking about it. I can’t just stop when nothing’s happened to me… that’s not how it works. I was put in charge of my own punishment, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do…”

Punishment… It was a tricky thing. And Kokichi hadn’t exactly helped. 

While he winced a bit at Kaito talking about scars from punishment...well. He could, in a way, understand the...finality of it. 

Sighing, Kokichi put his hands around his water, just...feeling the coolness of the glass as an uncomfortable look crossed his face. “...there are...official punishments for...the thing you did. Very public punishments. But...I didn’t want to report you. As far as I was concerned...you aren’t a danger to people and...it didn’t feel like it was anyone’s business but ours. I...didn’t want that kind of punishment for you.”

“But it turns out I had no idea what else to do either.”

Kokichi went quiet for a moment, looking out the window. “...there’ve been a lot of studies over the past...decade plus, I guess. Something like that. About motivation and rewards and...how people should be?”

“A lot of them come to the same or similar conclusions--that extrinsic motivation only works for training people to obey a certain set of rules, and even then there are cases of it completely falling flat. But in the case of the goal being...getting people to grow and learn and question the world around them...extrinsic motivation--that is, rewards and punishments, which are...essentially the same thing--makes people do worse at whatever they’re doing. Even if they enjoy it, or were really good at it from the start.”

“It’s those studies that changed how our schools and...well, most interpersonal places of work are structured. Instead of having grades, or having people work on commission, people are given agency over their environment, so...they care. They have the intrinsic motivation to keep going and do better, because it matters to them in a way that isn’t influenced by anything else.”

Kokichi turned back to Kaito, the knowing smile on his face saying that he knew he was being long-winded. “It’s still being worked out what that would look like on a larger scale.”

“But...I think I was just...always hoping that you’d get that internal motivation. That you’d want to do and be better because...you wanted to. Because who I know you to be isn’t someone that...enjoys being mean or cruel to others. And for me...seeing you be better was all I wanted to feel better.”

“But if you’re not thinking that way? Then...I was just leaving you afloat without...ever reaching out.”

Kaito winced. Right. Dicean punishments… Kaito would have never recovered. How could you? You were always remembered for your worst actions… regardless of what Kaito had done in the future? He’d always be remembered as the man who raped his tiny, illness riddled husband, who had literally just come of age… barely an adult…

Kaito shivered in repulsion. He would have earned that lifetime of hatred… everyone he ever met who had heard of him would have an obligation to treat him terribly. To punish him… it would have never ended. 

...except. “Dicea’s weird.” Kaito murmured, “You guys don’t react to things the way I expect you to. The fact that people know as much about me as they do? And don’t treat me worse? It’s really… jarring. People know I do, or did, terrible things, and they just pretend like nothing happened… I can’t help but think that if you reported me for… what I did. All the things I did? I’d be hunted down… Timothy would never get a moment’s peace, Shuichi would have had to move to have the baby in peace… the more people who know? The more the punishment piles up. Because everyone has an obligation to punish you.”

Kaito shrugged, “But, not here… I should have been beaten for that stunt I pulled trying to kidnap you, drugs or not. No one so much as touched me… and I don’t know. Of course I wanted to be better for you regardless of the punishment, but…”

Kaito groaned, running a hand through his hair, “This is stupid. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to explain myself, and I don’t even know what I want. Dicean punishments scare the shit out of me, but they scare me for reasons that don’t actually happen here. So I don’t know what I’m scared of? And of course I don’t want you to hurt me, not really. I just… expected it and didn’t know how to handle it when that didn’t happen. And… and none of that feels important, anymore. Not really? Because it doesn’t matter what I feel about it. It was about how you feel about it…”

“So… yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying.” Kaito sighed, “Sorry.”

Kokichi smiled a little. That was the story between them. Kaito kept expecting Dicea to be different than it was, and Kokichi kept expecting his friends to have different expectations than they had. It had gotten better by leaps and bounds, but...sometimes not even knowing that could prevent that jarring sensation when reality wasn’t what you expected. 

If people at large knew Kaito had raped Kokichi? Then the people who’d spoken to Kokichi in hushed, concerned asides and in worried letters might’ve been bolder. Then the coldness Kaito already received by some in town might’ve turned into outright animosity. But...for how ostracized someone could be, they didn’t do public lynchings. You might never be able to find a job and be turned away from most places of business as a patron, separated from friends and community, and even family if they chose so, but...you wouldn’t be physically hurt (other than what isolation could physically do to you). 

And...maybe one day you’d be able to make it up to the community. 

...Kaito had certainly made it up to him. 

Kokichi shook his head softly. “You might not know what you’re saying...but you’ve conveyed those confused feelings. And that’s still important. I’m glad you’ve told me. And...even if all the details are different...I don’t really know what to do either,” he admitted, tugging on a bit of his hair. 

“...but I know that you’re someone who put in a lot of work to be better, not just in general, but in tangible ways. And...to me...that’s penance. You’ve made it up to me. And...as far as I’m concerned...that was all you needed to do.”

Kaito nodded, giving Kokichi a warm look, “...thanks Kokichi. I love you.”

“...” he ate some more of his vegetables, not really ‘full’, but getting to the point where the hunger wasn’t gnawing at him anymore. He still had chicken strips and more fries to eat too, “...can we… talk about Cedar?”

…

Kokichi’s shoulders tensed and his gaze was...resolutely not directed at Kaito. But...he nodded softly. “...yeah. ...I kinda...wanted to say ‘what’s there to talk about’, but...that’s really standoffish and...shuts down whatever you wanted to say and… I mean. I want to hear what you have to say. So. Yeah.”

Kaito nodded again… while thinking, the fries were far softer in Dicea. That’s what it was… they were less seasoned in Luminary, but they were cooked until they would crunch. Almost burnt. Kaito kind of missed Luminary fries…

“I won’t call you a hypocrite if you want her hurt.” Kaito said quietly. Looking at the too soft fries. “Hurt a little, hurt a lot… whatever you want. I can find a way to make it happen, ‘Kichi. You never have to hear anything about it. No one does… I won’t ever bring it up again, if you say yes. It would just… happen.”

Kokichi smiled a bit, looking a little more at his husband, though he just looked...tired. “...I appreciate it, hun. I really do...I’m not just saying that to humor you.”

In a smooth motion, Kokichi reached over to steal one of Kaito’s fries. “...really...I just wish it hadn’t happened. That…” Despite the playful moment, Kokichi looked...small and sad. “...I wish I hadn’t been so...dumb and naive…”

Kaito slammed his hand into the table and immediately regretted doing that, crossing his arms over his stomach and looking out the window, ignoring the sudden dimming of sound in the diner as everyone was startled by the sudden noise. They got some curious looks, but eventually the noise continued, as Kaito tried to get a hold of himself, staring out the window. 

Lotta… lot of ducks out there… that was kind of cute…

“...You’re not fucking either of those things.” Kaito growled quietly, “That’s… not what happened…”

Kokichi put a hand over his face and took a deep, deep breath. Held it. And let it out. 

“...I know.”

“...Shuu-chan and I talked about it a little. I know she took advantage of me. Of all of us. But...that’s just how it feels to me. I’m hurt, and this is how I’m hurting…” Lowering his hand, Kokichi closed his eyes for a moment, sighing. “...you can hurt her if you want. If it’ll help you feel settled. But...I just don’t care. I just don’t want to think about her anymore.”

Kaito felt his back strain against his shirt, just… impossibly tense. Heh… god, he was impossible. He felt bad to not have permission, and now felt bad to have permission. Maybe he’d just always feel bad…

…oh well.

Shifting to rest his elbows on the table, Kaito gave Kokichi a dry, frustrated look, as he said, “Alright. Fine. One last thing, and we won’t think about her anymore… I need your permission to do something.”

“It’s not something you have to give permission for. I don’t ask for things expecting to have them, and honestly? In your position, given the same opportunity? …I wouldn’t want it,” Kaito confessed. “I’d feel exposed. Humiliated… So, if you say no? I understand why. Or, I understand that there are reasons why.”

“I’ve asked Shuuichi to draw me a portrait of Cedar. You know how accurate he is. I’ve talked to Aiichi, and apparently I’m on legal grounds to send a description of your case with her to… at least from Dicea, any newsletter I want. Leaving it to them to decide if they want to run the story, and why wouldn’t they? More, I was worried there’s be legal issues for sending it out of the country? There aren't, in Dicea. So… it’ll take me some money and effort and time, but, in theory?”

Kaito sighed, rubbing his temple, “I can make her name and face recognizable worldwide, for what she did to you… everywhere she goes? Everyone she talks to… they’ll all know. Forever… but…” Kaito gave Kokichi a wary, apologetic look, “That would also mean everyone would know what she did to you. And… I can’t do that without your permission. I can’t do it if that would hurt you. I won’t. I’d rather… do what you’re saying and forget about it,” even if it meant she just got to go on living her fucking life… “And I’ll do that. This isn’t about me, Kokichi, I’d rather do whatever makes you feel better… so I just… need to know, definitively, what would.”

...Kokichi didn’t mean to shut down the conversation but...it was how he felt. She was going through the legal system, so it...it wasn’t like with Chisa and that bastard. She wasn’t ‘getting away with it’ despite whatever Kaito and Shuuichi thought. So...all Kokichi wanted was to move on. To not go back to this chapter of his life, even if it was really recent. 

But as Kaito explained his...plan? Kokichi looked up, eyes widening as he took in all that Kaito had prepared. ...she would never be able to hurt someone medically again. ...and she might...not be able to hurt someone in any practice either…

Kokichi smiled. Reaching out a hand towards Kaito, wanting to hold his. “...I think I’d like that, actually. But...if people want to...come pity me, or talk to me about it...could you help me get out of those conversations? I don’t think anyone would be cruel about it, but...it’s just...not something I want to talk about.”

It might be obvious to some in Dicea, but...papers might literally just refer to him as a victim. Information from cases, unless they were murder cases, tended to be respectful of the anonymity of the people who were hurt in various cases. It wasn’t something he could bank on, but...it did soften the idea. 

And for no one to do business with Cedar again? Maybe that would help Kokichi sleep at night. 

Kaito gently took the requested hand, squeezing it softly. He admittedly felt a small buet of pride, that Kokichi seemed pleased with the idea… but he also felt another little shiver of fear. It meant Kokichi okayed the project… which meant Kaito was going to go through with it. Let the whole world know what had happened to his husband…

…something had to be done. At this rate, he just couldn’t see how Cedar was being more than inconvenienced by all of this. He wanted more than that. He wanted her punished… he just… hoped that the push back on Kokichi wouldn’t be something Kaito would regret.

“Okay, ‘Kichi… I can do that.” Kaito said softly, “If you’re sure.”

Kokichi squeezed his hand back, nodding a bit. “...I love you, Kai-chan. Everything you do means a lot to me...and I know you’re always looking out for me. I know it can be hard when...how we hurt, and are sad, and are stressed, and are angry are...so different from each other. But...thank you for trying to understand. And I’ll do my best to understand you in turn.”

“...caaaaaan I steal another fry?”

Kaito sighed, rolling his eyes good-naturedly, “Why didn’t you just order fries, babe? ...but yeah, go ahead. Little thief.”

It wasn’t a perfect solution. There wasn’t a lot of solutions that were. But… at least for now, it’d be a solution that worked for them.

“...hey, babe? Remember when you said I could take a day if I needed it? Can we talk to Ikou or something? I don’t want you guys not having help if you need it, but… I suddenly have a lot of mail to work out.”

“I just wanted two! That’s not worth getting a whole order!” Kokichi grinned as he snagged another fry, stealing a bit of ketchup with it this time. Plus, he still had a bit of sandwich left to eat. He was happy with his perfectly normal order. 

Kokichi gave Kaito a soft look and a softer smile. “Of course. Whenever you want time to yourself, just let us know, alright? I have work, and I know dozens of little places to disappear, Shuu-chan has his office, and you do have your shrine, but...like, just knowing that you have time for yourself? It’s good. We’ll be alright, and I’m sure my dad will be happy to hang out.”

“Alright ‘Kichi. So long as it’ll be okay.” Kaito sighed. 

-

Shuichi was awake, and dreaming of the hot tub.

It was, just, so nice on his back...but an actual bath would smell much nicer. He’d feel weightless down in the hot tube, but he could fill the tub with the scent of strawberries… nnngh… getting to the hot tube would require going downstaiiirs… and going to the bathtub would require getting out of beeeeeed…

Shuichi circled around the cocoon of blankets and pillows, too awake to even keep his eyes closed but not really looking at anything as he continued to debate with himself. Hot tub or bath… hot tub or bath…

The door opened, and Kaito pushed Kokichi in, calling out playfully, “Handsome? It’s literally two in the afternoon. If you’re not up, it’s time, bud.”

“Nnnnnnn.” Shuichi whined, burrowing more into his cocoon.

Kokichi gave the Shuuichi-lump under the blankets a pitying look. Ooooh...he knew how that felt. “We brought you lunch! We went out to a diner--got you ribs, and mashed potatoes, and grilled veggies, aaaaaand a slice of chocolate cream pie! They even chose a slice that has extra cookie crumbles on top!”

“I thought you might be hungry, since we kinda skipped breakfast, honeypie,” Kokichi cooed. “If you’re not feeling it, though, we can go store all this in the kitchen--get you something different? In..honesty I wasn’t too sure what you’d want…”

...maybe he was laying it on a little thick, but even if he ended up taking a nap after not too long, Shuuichi would probably feel better with some food in his stomach and maybe getting a wet cloth to wipe down with if he didn’t want to take a bath. Even on days where bed seemed like the only place to be, taking care of yourself could help you a surprising amount when you were ready to get up. 

… Shuichi peeked out, bed head going up in every direction, squinting somewhat suspiciously at both of them. “...pie?”

Kaito rolled his eyes as he closed the door again, parking Kokichi’s chair next to the bed if his husband would prefer to go back onto the mattress, before going to pull the blankets off of Shuichi, who returned to trying to burrow, purely to escape him as he said, “And real food, yes. How are you not starving right now?”

Gurgle, “I ate a lot yesterday. And we had a few bites of breakfast.”

“Yeah, I saw.” Kaito said sarcastically. The breakfast had looked like maybe one or two bites had been taken before it was abandoned, and seeing Kokichi’s guilty puppy dog eyes at the idea of throwing the rest of the breakfast away, Kaito had ended up eating some real cold omelettes. Blegh.

“Kaitoooo-”

“Shuiiichii-” Kaito copied, finally uncovering his openly pouting boyfriend, who half glared up at him. Kaito grinned brightly back, as he said, “Come on, handsome… the ribs look great! Veggies are well seasoned! Mashed potatoes have those little chunks in them like I know you like…” Kaito sighed, “the pie has cookie crumbs on top of it.”

“...kay.” Shuchi decided, fiiiinnallly getting up, rubbing his eyes blearily. “Where did you guys go?”

They absolutely needed that bribe. Kokichi was glad they’d gotten the pie. 

As Kaito parked him by the bed, Kokichi took a deep breath and pushed himself up, taking a few steps over partly just because he could, and it was fun to flaunt that in little ways, but also so he could sit at the edge of the bed. Not preparing in any way to lie back down, but getting comfortable for...whatever he was going to do with the rest of the day. Maybe he could push himself to the office and get a little work done. 

...or take another painkiller and see how things went from there. 

“I feel bad about not eating breakfast,” Kokichi sighed, “But it did let me eat my full meal. We went to Sherry’s on the west end of the shopping district? By the big fountain? There were a bunch of ducks there today, Shuu-chan, it was really cute!”

Smiling at his bleary boyfriend, Kokichi continued, “We should go there again sometime! The food’s really good and it’s fun to watch people hang out by the fountain and do their shopping an’ stuff. Aaaaand there’s a display case at the front of the store with all the day’s pies and there are some I’m definitely interested in trying. They have an option to have ice cream with it, and, like, spiced apple pie with vanilla ice cream? If I weren’t so full I’d be drooling!”

“That sounds nice.” Shuichi said honestly, scooting away from the spot he had been sleeping in, towards Kokichi. Kaito, in turn, brought Shuichi the take-out promised, Shuichi lighting up a little when he opened up the to go box and realized, oh, yeah… he was kind of hungry.

“One second, one second, let me get you a eating-tray.” Kaito insisted, pulling out the standing tray and unfolding it for Shuchi, the ex-detective readjusting so that everything was clean and secure and lovely. Kaito watched with some amusement as Shuichi immediately started to dig in, “I’m gonna take a kiss.”

“‘M eatin’” Shuichi informed him with a full mouth.

“It will be a kind of gross kiss.” Kaito grinned, fond as Shuichi rolled his eyes, but allowed his head to tilt up, Kaito, indeed, taking a small, chaste kiss. Then, looking over to Kokichi, he asked, “How you feeling, babe?”

Kokichi watched fondly as Shuuichi took to the food with gusto. He wasn’t really one to skip meals that often, but Kokichi still worried about Shuuichi getting enough to eat. Not so much in the balanced sense like Kaito was, but just...in general. So it made him happy to see that his boyfriend had found his appetite. 

Shrugging a bit, Kokichi’s smile didn’t dim. “I’m more alright than I thought, honestly. It was really nice getting out of the castle for a bit. But, uh…” he turned sheepish, “Could you get me another painkiller? It’s more like...just something dull in the back of my head, and I dunno if it’s gonna stay like that or if this is the return, but… I’m just gonna call today ‘taking care of headache’ day.”

“What else I’m gonna do though,” he hummed, “I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll try to get some work done--there’s most of the afternoon ahead and...I mean, it’s not like I’m taking any classes right now. I don’t think I can really focus like that enough to draw…” Or have the persistent dexterity for it, though he might be close.

“One more painkiller, coming up.” Kaito agreed easily, grabbing the cup Kokichi had used this morning and heading to the bathroom. 

Getting the glass set up, he headed back out, listening to Kokichi… before glancing at Shuchi with a frown, “Shuichi, what about the project for your class? You’ve been working on that handsome? Even if you’re not going to class-”

“I know, I know, I’ve been working on it.” Shuchi reassured idly, “I work on it when I spend time in the study. It’ll be done in time, you don’t have to worry about that.”

Fair. Shuichi had never struggled with school stuff, Kaito had just wanted to make sure. Handing Kokichi his cup, he ran his hands through Kokichi’s hair a bit… a headache day, huh? Hmmm… maybe they’d do the hair tomorrow then…

“I was thinking of going to the hot tub after this.” Shuichi admitted, looking to Kokichi, “You’re welcome to join me, if you have nothing else to do.”

“If you don’t mind, I’d love to take a look at your project when it’s done. Just...whenever, since I don’t wanna delay ya getting it to your professor.” Kokichi grinned a bit, making a sort of expression his partners didn’t see too-too often, something belying a guilty pleasure. “Considering how often I have to look at the ethics in our laws, it’s always really interesting to me to see how other people view it. And Shuu-chan’s perspective is one of the ones I’m most interested in hearing about, of course.”

Kokichi steadily drank down the painkiller, tilting his head into Kaito’s hand in appreciation. For how much he fussed about getting his hair brushed, he loved the feeling of his partners’ hands in his hair. It was...intimate and soothing and not at all painful and annoying. 

There were things that could be even more soothing though. 

Kokichi perked up at the mention of the hot tub. “Ooooooh, that sounds wonderful, actually. And, and if you want, we could bring cards or a board game or something so when we’re done we could hang out in the parlor and play! Considering it’s not exactly cold out, it might be nice to hang out in the basement after getting out of the hot tub.”

“Ha, yeah, that would be fun.” Shuichi agreed easily, considering the games they had available to them. “Kaito? Are you going to join us?”

“Mm? Um, yeah! What, you think I’m gonna pass up seeing you guys half naked in the hot tub room?” Kaito smirked, before lighting up, “Ooor, oooor, hear me out-”

“We’re not going to be naked down there.” Shuichi shut down immediately, “Bathing suits all around. What if someone would come in, Kaito?”

“Lllllucky them?”

“No.”

“It’s the middle of the day,” Kokichi sighed in slight exasperation, though it was played up a little for humor. “And Shuu-chan just woke up. Unless you were trying to make an elaborate plan for at least one of us to be asleep at all times, it’s just gonna be purely hot tub time.”

At that, Kokichi took a breath and shuffled off the bed, taking slow, careful steps over to their closet to start collecting their swimsuits. Ah...since it was getting warmer, he might actually have more reason to wear his than just in the hot tub. Hopefully his practice in the bath was going to pay off the next time he tried learning how to float. 

“You guys cool with just using the towels down there? And I think I’m gonna change down there too--easier than changing twice, for me.” One, two, three, Kokichi collected their swimwear, coming back out of the closet with slightly shaking legs, but still upright.

Kaito watched Kokichi attentively, ready to swoop over if it looked like Kokichi was going to buckle… but his strong husband stood steady, getting back to the edge of the bed and passing Shuichi his suit, and Kaito his. “Thank you, beautiful.” Kaito said, before without a moment hesitation, shaking out of his shirt and pants, kicking off his shoes and boxers before putting on his bathing suit, “I’m just gonna go down and up in my suit. But I’m fine using the downstairs towels.”

“I’m going to go with Kokichi’s plan… and I’m bringing my pie down there.” Shuichi decided, dessert in a hot tub sounding preeeetty good. “What game are we bringing down though?”

“Strip poker?”

“We’ll all be literally wearing one piece of clothing.”

“One round and things get real interesting.”

“Maybe one of our board games. Three people is enough for most of them.”

Kokichi beamed at the thanks, happier with his own small accomplishment. Little by little...he was getting there. It was looking like he’d get to show the kids the archive sooner rather than later. 

“I’ll bring a board game and a deck of cards, so we can pivot depending on how we’re feeling,” he decided. Though, they probably wouldn’t end up playing strip poker at all. Maybe some fun night when they had their door locked, but not anywhere else. 

Looking over at the board games he had on his shelf, Kokichi hummed as he scanned the box labels, thinking of which one would be fun to play downstairs. “This’ll be fun… The basement parlor was really meant to be, like...a little secret getaway.” He smiled suddenly. “I can imagine Miya inviting friends over, getting some time to themselves without her parents looking over their shoulders… I wonder if there’s anything we should just...plan on keeping down there…”

“Awww, that’ll be cute…” Kaito paused, frowning, “...man, I just realized at some point I gotta figure out how I feel about her spending alone time with peeps I think she’d have a crush on… that’s gonna be a weird time in our lives.”

“Ugh, don’t even talk about that. That’s our problem, like, thirty years from now.” Shuichi groaned.

“We’re not letting her date till thirty? We’re not even thirty!”

“No dating till thirty, and no sex until forty.” Shuichi said dryly, “It’s way too easy to get pregnant. The baby’s not having babies. Not till she’s fifty.”

“That number just keeps getting worse, huh?” Kaito smirked, heading over to Shuichi and giving him a kiss on the forehead, taking away the now empty to-go box. “Let’s revisit this conversation in a decade, huh?”

“Sixty years.”

Kokichi heaved a sigh, flopping back on the bed. “Aw man… I wanna be able to play with my grandkids. You’re really piling on the expectations of how well I need to take care of myself if I wanna be able to run around and play with little kids in my eighties… This is all a conspiracy between you two to get me to eat vegetables, isn’t it. I can’t believe you…”

Kids--and people at large--made mistakes. Kokichi just hoped that Miya was ready if and whenever she decided she wanted kids. That she would have enough support for her heart if and whenever she decided to give it to someone. He would always try to support her in any way he could but...sometimes people just have to live in their own way. 

He’d just hope he wouldn’t become a grandfather in his thirties, though. 

Kokichi slung an arm over his head, watching the afternoon light on their bedroom ceiling. “...I wonder what sort of friends she’ll have… If she’ll be the type to appreciate a huge birthday party, or surprise parties… I have a feeling I’m gonna get way over-excited over things for her, and she’s really not gonna care that much about it. She’s prolly gonna be so embarrassed that I’ll cry over everything. Fifth-grade graduation? Too bad, I’m bawling. Gonna embarrass Tim about it too when it’s his turn in two years. He’s gonna be so cool and composed and I’ll be out there in the crowd, sobbing.”

“Awwww, I think that’ll be cute. My sweet, weepy ‘Kichi.” Kaito gushed, leaning over Kokichi, blocking the view of the ceiling a bit, grinning down at him with slightly too many teeth as he leaned down to give him a small kiss, then another, murmuring, “So cute… so se-GAH!”

Shuichi readied another pillow to throw at Kaito’s head, while Kaito just pouted at him. “Don’t get distracted. We’re going down to the hot tub. Pick a board game.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine…” Kaito pouted again, glancing at the bookcase, “...what about that horror board game thing you got, Shuichi? You seemed like you had a lot of fun playing it on your birthday.”

Kokichi rolled his eyes a bit, though he was ever fond. Almost anything Kokichi could do Kaito would find sexy (there were a few notable examples contradicting that, but Kokichi knew his own point). So crying whenever his daughter or nephew did something cool? Absolutely something that would turn Kaito on. 

Tipping his head back to look at the shelf, Kokichi hummed in interest. “Ooo, it did look fun, and I fell asleep before you guys finished during your birthday party. I’m totally down to play it if you guys are!”

Which he wasn’t totally sure Kaito would be, but they could still give it a shot if he’d offered it. And it could be fun to wig Kaito out. He could coax his scaredy-cat husband into holding his hand and hiding in his shoulder. 

Carefully, so he would end up headbutting Kaito if his husband leaned over again, Kokichi sat up and went back over to his chair, getting settled before he carefully started maneuvering himself over to the bookshelf to place the game box and a deck of cards on his lap. 

“Hot tub time! Let’s get comfy!”

-

While Kokichi and Shuichi changed, Kaito filled the hot tub, watching the fluorescent blue light of the filling stone pit with keen interest for a moment, legs hanging over and feet dipping into the still lukewarm, rising water. After a moment, he leaned back onto his hands, letting his head roll back and watching the shifting, shimmering blue and green lights on the ceiling and wall, reflecting the ever shifting water, the steam not quite building yet.

Whoever had designed this room had a taste for the fantastical, Kaito suspected.

Who had it been again? Queen… J...No, not J… F! Fuse! Queen Fuse. That was it. Queen Fuse, the… mother? Mother of King Aiichi. She adopted him, that’s right… she built it for her husband, hadn’t she? Was he remembering that right? He felt like Kokichi had said that. That she had built the spot to give her… shy? Had he been shy? Either way, that she had made it to give her husband some place to relax in private. A steamy, private room full of color and lights and soothing, hot water…

Maybe he, the husband, had been fond of the dark, fantastical whimsy of this place. This room could have easily been built to be bright, light and coastal feeling. But it wasn’t. It was dark, the stone cool and smooth, the light shining from the hot tub and the walls  like how Kaito imagined the northern lights would shimmer through a starry night.

Maybe he had been into stars? Ha! Wouldn’t that be a weird coincidence. That the last three spouses of the Dicean leaders all had a soft spot for stars… leaning back all the way, placing his back against the black stone flooring, Kaito stared up at the small white lit holes poking out of the walls and ceiling and made a game of trying to find constellations in them. 

Mmmm… that cluster there could, if you squinted, be the Lost Rangers Horse… that particularly bright hole where the horse’s eye would be could be the planet Thaines? Ah, but that cluster above it couldn’t be the ranger himself under any stretch of the imagination… well, maybe the ranger wasn’t lost anymore. Maybe he had found his way out of the fairy forest after all… that was a nice thought…

It had been a good few months since he’d last worn his swimsuit, and while the garish design still made him happy, Kokichi’s feelings were...slightly dampened as he fiddled with the waist tie, trying to get it snug around his waist so his shorts wouldn’t just float off him from the bubbles. It was...going to be a long, long journey trying to get back to the high nineties…

With Shuuichi’s help, a little, Kokichi left his wheelchair in the parlor with the games and walked into the hot tub room, getting that feeling he always got when he came down here of stepping into somewhere secret and a little magical. And incredibly comfortable! 

Kokichi eyed the water eagerly before smiling at Kaito’s relaxed recline. “Playin’ a little connect the dots with the ceiling? It’s way more fun down here than...pretty much anywhere else in the castle.”

Kaito tilted his head, watching Shuichi give Kokichi his arm, the two slowly, carefully making their way to the hot tub, and after taking a purely self indulgent moment, just, blatantly checking them out, got up to go lend a hand as he said, “I’ve been wondering about the light source behind the walls? It can’t be lantern light, and I somehow doubt it’s sunlight. I wonder what it is?”

The rock, black and sanded flat, was just the right texture that slipping would be incredibly difficult on it, which matched well with the water and steam… but Kaito had a feeling it’d be no fun to fall on, so scooping up Kokichi, holding him on his hip mostly just so his husband wasn’t standing on his own while he did this, he gave Shuichi his arm for his boyfriend to steady himself stepping down into the circular seat of the tub, Shuichi putting a considerable amount of weight on him that Kaito didn’t show on his face as he held steady. Shuichi safely in the still filling tub, already looking pleased as the water raised onto his thighs and hips, Kaito considered the safest way for Kokichi to be in here… “Do you think you’d be alright sitting on your own, babe? Or am I about to get real lucky and get to perch you on my lap?” Kaito grinned, giving his husband a small wink. “A squirming, warm, wet ‘Kichi on my lap? Plleeease tell me you need the help.”

“Electricity, though...I really don’t know too much of the specifics,” Kokichi started to explain, easily holding onto Kaito so he could focus more on helping Shuuichi into the tub. “I know there’s a few big lights far back in the wall, and then it shines through the little openings but...I have no idea how the wiring and all that works. I do know that it was kind of a test for the bits of wired things we have in the rest of the castle. Considering the strides, I think we’ll be seeing more and more be used in homes in the upcoming years… Imagine never needing a candle at night again!”

As excited as Kokichi got himself thinking of technological progression, the look he sent Kaito was decidedly cool. “I think I can manage to sit on my own. But who knows… Maybe I’ll get tired later and need some help. I still don’t have Shuu-chan lap privileges.”

“Now…” Kokichi looked down, wiggling his toes a little in the water from where Kaito held him up above. “Could you let me down? I wanna soak in this bubbly goodness.”

Kaito pouted at that, before saying, “Fiiiine. Take all the fun out of it, why don’t ya.” before kissing Kokichi’s cheek, looking down and, carefully, setting Kokichi down near Shuichi. 

Before Kaito could get settled in, Shuichi said, “Kaitooo… could you get my pie?”

“Were you serious about that?”

“I brought it all the way down, of course I was serious.”

Kaito glanced at the water, mildly worried about crumbs… ah well, if they made a mess, he’d clean it up later. He had a feeling asking the staff to clean it would be a little silly. He wasn’t about to be the one to explain they were eating in the damn hot tub.

Getting out of the water, he made a quick trip to the lockers, where they had left all their stuff, before bringing back the aforementioned pie. “You’re ridiculous.” Kaito teased, placing the small plate of pie next to Shuichi’s shoulder, on the edge wall. “At least be regular ridiculous and drink, like, red wine in the jacuzzi or something. Something classy.”

“Can’t drink. Pie is better anyway.” Shuichi said, looking cheerfully at the pie slice, before asking, “Kokichi, would you like some?”

“I’m just extending the possibility of delayed gratification. Are you the one always telling us to stop and smell the roses anyway?”

Kokichi let out a happy sigh as he was set down in the hot tub, settling himself and stretching out his legs. The warming water wasn’t...like, a nice balm or a cozy blanket to hide in, since the weather had been nice and warm lately, but it wasn’t so hot that Kokichi was already starting to sweat. As summer got nearer, though, he might start skipping out on the hot tub trips--he wasn’t made of magma like some people. 

As Kaito returned with Shuuichi’s pie, Kokichi rolled his eyes a bit. “Aren’t you not supposed to drink when you’re in a pool anyway? I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that. And, yeah, pie is better anyway.”

He perked, giving Shuuichi an excited look. “Oo, yes, I’ll take a bite if you’re willing! It looked so good at the diner but I really couldn’t eat anything more...but it’s been, like, I dunno. Forty minutes? Or something? And that’s long enough for my stomach to make room for a bite!”

“I guess if you’re worried about drowning, yeah.” Kaito admitted, shrugging a little, clearly not all that about the idea himself. “But it’s the same with anything you do while drinking. Drinking makes it more dangerous because you’re real dumb and your reflexes suck. If you’re drinking anyway? Then you should go into it knowing basically everything is more dangerous anyway.”

“So, your argument for drowning in a pool because you’re drunk is…” Shuichi prompted, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t know? That no one does it cause it’s a ‘safe’ idea? But it is fun to drink in a hot tub with a bunch of friends.” Kaito grinned, “Risk and reward? Something like that? Fuck,  dunno. I miss drinking sometimes.”

“Do you not drink anymore?” Shuichi asked, passing Kokichi the small fork after taking a bite of the pie himself… and hot damn that was good, “Nice choice of pie, Kokichi.” Shuichi quietly complimented, as Kaito laughed at the question.

“I mean, no? I wouldn’t say I’ve quit or anything. But I haven't actually drank for fun since…” Kaito paused, thinking about it, “Yeah, since the beach. Shared a few shots with those assholes, talking about…” Kaito frowned, trying to recall, “...I think responsibility? Oh, right, I was talking about trying to look out for Kokichi by asking for his shot to lean more towards juice than alcohol… heh. Funny how things happen.”

“Don't you drink with Waku sometimes? Those beer cans she gave you?”

“Calling that alcohol is an insult to alcohol.” Kaito said dryly. “Doesn’t count.”

“Harvest! You went and had cider with Kokichi.” Shuichi pointed out.

“...oh yeaaaaah.” Kato recalled, “I did have some cider, didn’t I? That was good stuff too.”

Was that the reason why? Kokichi supposed it made sense. For some reason he’d always assumed it was a, like...contamination thing, somehow. But not drinking in a pool because you lost coordination and could drown made way more sense. 

Kokichi, when offered the fork, grinned at Shuuichi’s judgement and took a small bite for himself, practically melting down into the hot tub with a pleased expression on his face. Ooh...nice and creamy and chocolatey with bits of crunch from the crust and cookie topping…

“Mmm…” Kokichi hummed amid his bliss, “That cider was really good. And don’t you and Waku go to bars sometimes? To drink not shitty not-water?”

...he’d never gotten that shot. They hadn’t finished eating either. Maybe it was a dumb thing to feel disappointed over, but...well. He wasn’t gonna talk about it, so he could just be dumb in his head. ...he wished that they’d just decided not to drink that night…

Kokichi blinked slowly at the water before sitting back up, getting comfortable back in his original position. “Do you wanna drink for fun more often?”

“Waku’s, like, rescued me from some bars,” Kaito chuckled, “But not really? Usually we hang out in her room. We’ve gone on some walks a few times, when we’re feeling restless. I get the impression sometimes Waku’s worried about encouraging me to drink. I mean, I had a reputation for a minute there.” Kaito shrugged, splaying his arms back on both sides of the hot tub, leaning back and sighing, eyes drifting back up to the ‘electric’ lights. Interesting… “And not really. I say stuff like that, but I think that’s mostly me being nostalgic for old times. I don’t think it’d really feel the ‘same’ here.”

“I think that if you went back to ‘college’ drinking, you’d end up raising a garden tomorrow.” Shuichi said, a small scold in his tone as he looked at Kaito with some concern, “Especially with no one watching out for you? The guardforce here won’t take care of you, ya know. And your reputation here is different. You’re not the ‘party prince’ anymore.”

“I knooooow… I’m, like… an adult and stuff.” Kaito groaned, kicking his legs out into the water, chuckling a little at the easy rise of his hips, half floating as he kicked lightly, “Ah well. I had a good run. We both did! Don’t pretend you weren’t out there with me sometimes, Shuichi! You had a wild side.”

“Playing billiards and having some conversation in the corner is hardly ‘wild’.” Shuichi said simply. “And I couldn’t have been that wild if I wanted too. Someone had to be clear headed for you and Maki.”

“Maki… now that was a wild card. Never had any idea which Maki you were going to end up drinking with that night. And she got into these, like, moods… she’d act crazy sometimes, man. I loved it.” Kaito said, something fond and adoring in his expression. Clearly lost in some memories.

Kokichi looked to the side, not really wanting to say it, but… Yeah. Kaito just...getting drunk when he was stressed and… It had been kind of funny, at first. How the chefs and housekeepers that helped out in the kitchen thought Kaito was a bit of a lush, so they watered down his drinks. But when Kaito actually started getting drunk...it wasn’t funny anymore. Kaito wasn’t an alcoholic, but...Kokichi had worried about him, for a bit there. 

And they were all older and in different positions here. Kaito was already a parent, and soon all three of them would be too. They had people counting on them, looking up to them, and while that didn’t mean they could never have fun or make mistakes...it meant that they were responsible for more than just themselves. 

Stretching his legs out in the water, Kokichi smiled slightly as Kaito and Shuuichi reminisced a bit about what their bar days looked like. “Oh yeah… Didn’t you and her get in fights with people all the time? And sometimes Maki-chan would get in really heated debates? I think you’ve talked about that before…”

“Even if it’s not really...going partying, or something like that, I think it would be fun for us to go out like that some time…” Kokichi hummed, deciding just in time to not say ‘the four of us’. Kaito seemed...alright with Maki right now, but...well. It was easier to take every day as it came when she returned, and not place on expectations and plans. “Ask someone to babysit and just...be in our early twenties for a little bit?”

“Mmmm, I’m pretty sure I’ve already said that now that we’re parents, we don’t do anything, ever, for all time… except maybe make far too spicy dad jokes.” Shuichi reminded them, settling nicely into the heat now. His back and hips felt so much better already…

Kaito rolled his eyes at that, “Iiiiiii’m gonna go with Kokichi’s idea. We’re parents, not decrepit. Besides, I’ve never gotten to see Kokichi act anything close to reckless. I gotta see it just once! What would a college party Kokichi have looked like, in another life?” Kaito grinned, “I bet… I don’t know? I bet he’s one of those partyiers that gets a kick out of watching everyone else destroy their lives in a night. Like, one of those quiet, giggly drunks not rooting for the guy to jump off the roof and into the pool, but still perfectly content to watch it? The nefarious type.”

“No way. Are we even talking about the same Kokichi? He’d be the crying, over-emotional type wailing that the guys gonna die. Easily.” Shuichi huffed, “No offense, Kokichi. I can just picture you being weepy, like, hours after the guys gotten out just fine, eating a bunch of treats people have brought you to try to make you feel better, still trying to calm down…”

Kaito paused, thinking that example was too specific, “...You talkin about Elizabeth?”

“Elizabeth cried so much.” Shuichi said dryly. “Like, what that guy did was stupid, but seriously.”

“No way. I say nefarious.”

“Weepy.”

“Nefarious.”

“Weepy.”

Kokichi raised an eyebrow but...he’d never even really considered it, what he’d be like if he was just...a guy, going to college parties and getting wasted. Part of him wondered if he’d even go to parties like that, or drink at them. He knew things could get kind of dangerous at times, and he wouldn’t want to destroy his next day, especially if he had classes…

But if he was into that sort of thing?

Snorting, Kokichi tilted his head onto Shuuichi’s shoulder. “Really, I could see both. I’d love to see people do dumb shit, but if it got to be anything actually dangerous I can imagine getting shaken… But, I mean, I’ve told you--I get cuddly when I drink. Most likely I’d end up finding somewhere cozy to hunker down in with someone to hold and snuggle while we or a small group talked. Then I’d probably fall asleep.”

“...or find someone to leave with,” Kokichi taunted, a glint of mischief in his eyes as he sweetly smiled over at his husband, lending a bit of credence to his ‘nefarious partier’ theory. Kokichi didn’t think he’d be one for casual sex in this scenario, but finding someone to go home with just to...literally sleep with? It sounded incredibly fun.

Kaito raised an eyebrow at the ‘sweet’ smile, pouting a little. What? Was he not meant to be the lucky guy getting taken home? Party Kaito wanted to get lucky with Party Kokichi… hmph. Kaito didn’t really consider himself the jealous type and, in most ways that mattered, really wasn’t. But… still. 

(Though, as always, Kaito felt… a little conflicted, that Kokichi never really got the opportunity to explore that side of his personality. Especially now that he knew Kokichi had been technically underage literally just before Kaito married him? He really felt like he had just… kind of sabotaged Kokichi’s young adulthood.)

(And, sure, it’s not like it had been his choice, but… maybe if he had gone into the proposal with the mindset of ‘stay out of the way’ rather than ‘get him to like me’. Maybe they’d be married in name only, and Kokichi would be out there, getting to know people, finding out for himself what he liked in a partner or not. And not just adjusting to whoever Kaito was… if Kaito had known from the start? How little life experience Kokichi had? He liked to think he’d have approached their relationship entirely differently.)

(...oh well. Too late now.)

“I think, if that’s the kind of partier you were, Kokichi? You and I would have probably naturally gravitated to each other.” Shuichi smiled, giving his boyfriend a fond look. “I was also very much a small group talker, but I had a habit of drawing in people who sort of… liked that? Themselves not being overly shy, just enjoying the company of someone who was willing to listen and was pretty adaptable. I had my fair share of ‘party cuddlers’ just because they were a little too drunk and just wanted to slow down a little.”

“You were real quick to make friends with Amber at that club.” Kaito pointed out, fond of that memory. “You came out of the crowd out of nowhere and said you were on ‘best friend duty’. That was pretty cute.”

Kokichi perked a little, looking quite pleased to hear that he would’ve ended up with his boyfriend in their thought experiment. “Very lucky me then. Shuu-chan’s a grade-A cuddler--I would’ve never let you go once I’d latched on. It’d be time to go, and Kai-chan and Maki-chan would have to pry me off with a crowbar.”

Probably not, knowing how his friends were, and in that case he’d be a total stranger, but it was fun to think about. But Kokichi wasn’t a total wallflower. 

Wiggling his toes in the bubbles a bit, Kokichi looked fond and sheepish. “Am-chan herself was a big part of that. I was just gonna sit at the bar, but...I mean, that can be fun, but we’d just all talked about meeting new people and making friends so...when she came up to the bar I tried to make conversation. I’m sure I was real awkward, but...she just ran with it.”

“We started chatting and...I started to get a little tipsy, since I was drinking way more than I had meant, and we drew on each other’s hands and...it just went from there. I wasn’t inhibiting conversation or anything, but Amber was more than personable to get our friendship going,” he chuckled, twisting a bit of his hair. 

“Ooooh, that’s right. She wrote your name on your arm. Or you both wrote your own names on your arms. That was cute.” Kaito complimented, “And yeah, folks like Amber at parties are a gift from Atua, I swear. The friendly drunks? These guys and girls just make it so damn easy for everyone to get along… they pull the wallflowers from the walls, keep the energy up, shut down flights before they even happen. It’s hard not to fall in love with them. Though, the people who think they can do that and can’t? Parties explode around them, just because they’re trying to control everyone and juggle everything and end up accidentally making conflicts that eventually explode… but not Amber. She’s one of the ones with the skills to pull it off.”

“More power to her. I don’t want to do that. It sounds tiring.” Shuichi sighed. 

Kaito chuckled, “I’m not really one of those types either, though I thought I was for a long time. I’m good at keeping people lively, and I’m good at focusing on a few people to make certain their issues don’t get in the way of them having a good time. But trying to navigate everyone’s mood requires a gentler touch than I’ve got… maybe Kokichi would have ended up an Amber someday? With practice and stuff?”

It really was a blessing Kokichi ended up running into Amber that night. For her friendship, of course, which he didn’t want to think of not having, but for that night specifically… Honestly, Kokichi likely would’ve tried to talk to people here and there, but if no one took up the energy then...he probably would’ve just kept drinking at the bar alone until Kaito had finished his dances with Tangouai and had come back for him. Not a bad night, but...far less exciting than the one they’d actually had. 

Reaching and arm back to rest on the lip of the tub, Kokichi tilted his head to the side. “Maaaaaaaybe? I think it’s something I could do. But...I dunno. It’s what I do for my job already… If I want to party, and actually be partying, rather than managing everything, I don’t think I wanna have all that responsibility. For a little bit, it sounds nice to just...focus on one or two things, and leave everything else to others.”

“I can focus on my cuddle circle,” he dreamily sighed. “The friendly drunks and people throwing the party can take over overall responsibilities.”

“Tsk. Greedy.” Kaito scolded, “‘Kichi not willing to use his powers of leadership for the good of the partiers.”

“I, for one, am entirely for Kokichi sticking to the cuddle circles. I think that’ll work out extremely well for me, personally, and I am selfish like that.” Shuichi smirked, idly running his hand over Kokichi’s shoulder, more just wanting to show him some affection than anything.

Invited by the touch, Kokichi cuddled more to Shuuichi’s side. He was a clingy drunk, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t cuddly just normally--it was just amplified with booze in his blood. Though, despite the comfort, Kokichi tipped his head back with a groan. “Validate meeee… Ugh...you’d really think just...letting yourself relax and give up control of things would be easy? It’s just...not doing things. But convincing myself that, no, actually, I’m not responsible for literally everything in the world is nightmarish in difficulty…”

A sigh and Kokichi rolled his head so he could nuzzle at Shuuichi’s shoulder. “...about that, though… Do you guys feel like I’m...managing you? Really...most of my tendencies about this can be an issue but...interpersonal relationships are kind of a big one.”

Kaito and Shuichi both paused to give this some thought, though Shuichi said first, “I mean… no? Not even to be placating or comforting, just… maybe I’m not the person to ask? My standards for being ‘managed’ or ‘controlled’ is pretty… up there. Honestly, probably all of our tolerance for that is pretty high. We’re all pretty used to our actions being controlled and influenced to pretty minute details.”

“I wouldn’t say that for myself. I had a lot of freedom growing up.” Kaito pointed out, not trying to ‘brag’ or anything, just feeling like he needed to clarify.

“You had… certain freedoms.” Shuichi conceded, “Definitely more than myself and Kokichi, sure. But if we’re comparing ourselves to just… the average person? No one caring enough to stop you from partying and sleeping around all the time doesn’t mean every other part of your life wasn’t planned out in advance for you. The fact that we’re even here at all is a testament to that.”

Kaito… wasn’t thrilled with how Shuichi worded that. People cared… but! Kokichi had asked a question. So, thinking about it…

“...I mean, maaaaybe?” Kaito said, sounding entirely unconvinced of his own answer, kicking his legs in the water, “But, like, way less than I ever expected you too. And, frankly, the ways you have micromanaged me in the past was arguably needed. I’d probably be raising a garden somewhere without the intervention. So… yes? But not unnecessarily.”

“I’d argue that Katio has more controlling tendencies than you do, Kokichi.”

“Hey! I do not! You’re just biased cause I had you on house arrest a few months ago.”

“There are definitely other examples. Diet choices, exercise and hair come to mind.”

Ah, well that was true. It was indicative that they needed a new metric to measure themselves by, but trying to compare themselves to ‘normal’ was just...never going to work. Kokichi had no plans to abandon his responsibilities as heir any time soon, and unless they shipped off to some place truly no one knew them, they all had reputations that didn’t depend on in the moment choices. 

So maybe...they should just compare to if things made them uncomfortable, and work upwards from there. 

Kokichi gave his husband a slightly apologetic look--it certainly wasn’t worded in the kindest way, but Shuuichi had a point--and… He hummed softly, considering Kaito’s answer. And Shuuichi’s next point. 

“I think…” he slowly started, just letting those words sit for a bit as he considered his words. “...that some level of micromanagement is alright? Especially if, yanno, we all do it to each other. Then it’s just the same thing as people saying people in relationships are all manipulating each other--it’s just a perspective about care.”

Kokichi tilted his head to the side, still thinking, though he gave Kaito a slight smile. “You are pretty gung-ho about that stuff...and while ‘health concerns’ can be a slippery slope when it comes to control, I’ve never felt bad about that stuff. Kai-chan insists but...I mean, the resistance I put up, at least from my perspective, is just...having fun? I still have the room to make my own choices about what to eat and how I wanna be active and...well, you are a little more demanding about my hair, but if I ever truly wanted you to stop I know you would.”

“I think...a better question of what I wanted to ask was… Through my expectations, or through manipulation or force...have I made you guys feel like you don’t have any of your own choices, or like you have to make a choice between what you want, or your relationship with me?”

Now this was a much more pregnant pause.

Kaito, idly, started playing with one of the jets on the side of the hot tub, enjoying the difficulty of pushing his palm closer and closer to the force of the jet, before the force got too strong and his hand started to waiver side to side. Sure, if he put more genuine strength into the push, he could cover up the jet entirely… but the push back was the fun. ‘Winning’ spoiled the fun of trying. So Kaito put no real force in the attempt, as he pushed and pushed at the jet…

“Me? At the moment? No.” Shuichi said, after a beat. “I say this knowing that… a considerable amount of my life is tied up, right now? Being in Dicea has changed how I’m expected to act as a person. Being pregnant has changed how I’m expected to act as a person. Being in a relationship with you? ...I don’t think so. I think if it did, I wouldn’t be with you. I don’t… really have any obligation to stay. It’s easier to see that now then it was when this all first started, but I really don’t. If I felt like being in a relationship with you was forcing me to make choices I otherwise wouldn’t? Then I’d have probably left you by now… so, while I would argue that I’m a different person now than I was, and not by choice… I don’t think it has anything to do with my relationship with you. If anything, you’re one of the people I have an easier time acting ‘natural’ around.”

Kaito continued to play with the jet… before saying, “Well, I mean… you’ve had to make tough choices and changes to be with me too. It’s natural, I think.”

He knew it wasn’t exactly idle conversation. It probably was something they should be talking about in therapy, whenever the next time they could all go was. But...especially with his resumed personal therapy sessions, it was something that had been on Kokichi’s mind. The line between looking out for someone, and controlling them, and how to back off. If there were situations where you shouldn’t. 

And he wasn’t really looking to hear, ‘oh, Kokichi, you’re not controlling, you’ve always been really sweet’, because...that wasn’t really feedback, for one, and of all his tendencies, being a control freak was something that Kokichi really didn’t want to hurt the people he loved. So he needed to know if he was so he could make plans to stop. 

...but it was still somewhat relieving to hear that Shuuichi didn’t feel stifled by him. Kokichi offered his boyfriend a small, soft smile, leaning over to press his cheek against his shoulder. 

And he did hear the avoidant ‘yes’ in Kaito’s words. 

Straightening, Kokichi folded an arm behind his head and looked up towards the ceiling. “...to a point, I think so. I love you, so I want you to have the best version of me--you do motivate me to change and grow. I had a tough time sorting out my priorities, which did involve you...but I never felt like...you’d leave me over it. The only times I’ve ever thought something like that, or like your disappointment would be unbearable, were either because of things outside both of our control, or because I’m anxious and depressed and my brain lies to me. Not because of things you did, or said.”

Kokichi tilted his head slowly side to side for a moment before looking up at Kaito. “Are there things I could do to...take a step back, that you think would benefit you? I don’t mean being less engaged, but…” Kokichi's mouth scrunched, his eyebrows pulling down. 

The thing was...he didn’t exactly...know? What he was doing that was controlling Kaito? So to think of examples…

“Uh…”

“Um…” Kaito stopped playing with the jet, idly playing with his joints now. Squeezing and popping, before gently massaging the little ache left behind… before confessing, “I’m not sure if it’s really anything you can ‘fix’, babe. You’re just… a lot to aspire too, I guess. I wouldn't want you to fix that. It can just be… it’s a lot easier to see my flaws, around you. And that’s a ‘me’ thing, not a you thing.”

“And, like the fact that I even feel like that? Is a flaw! And, like… you can’t be worse? So I gotta be better! And… it can be a little… overwhelming, sometimes. Just the sheer… climb. I have ahead of me.” Kaito sighed, running a hand through his hair, which was starting to sag down in the steam. “And again! Not your fault! My fault. So… you don’t really have to change anything. I just gotta deal with it.”

Shuichi felt like this was Kaito being a little self-focused, honestly. He couldn’t really articulate ‘why’ yet, but Kaito struggling to cope with world views outside of the one he had already grown up with? Kaito’s good nature when it came to Indenture’s and value in the success of other people largely came from the intervention of his mentor early in his life, along with a few other key figures in his life. Him being accepting of people unlike himself in Luminary didn’t necessarily mean Kaito had an open mind. Those were values he was ‘raised’ with. And like anyone who grew up without having to change too often, or too dramatically, now that he had too? He was struggling with it.

But Shuichi didn’t say any of that. It felt like a conversation for them two, and him adding in his own psychoanalysis would probably just hinder things, rather than help. 

Despite Kaito saying it was a ‘him’ thing, Kokichi still frowned. Still looked bothered, and, really, who wouldn’t? Hearing the fatigue and...some type of intimidation that Kokichi couldn’t really clarify more in Kaito’s voice. 

(You’re selfish.)

(Two people that loved each other, but were horrible for each other.)

...he didn’t really think like that. Really, Kokichi thought he and Kaito, and even the three of them together with Shuuichi actually were better than they were apart. And...he really didn’t want to make himself ‘worse’ for Kaito’s benefit…

...maybe thinking about how there had to be something he could do was controlling in itself. 

“...maybe…” Kokichi ended up murmuring. “...do you think this is something we could talk about in therapy sometime? There might not even be more to say, but...I dunno. I feel like it’s something to mention, at least.”

After a moment, Kokichi smiled a bit. “Do you think Dr. Mariah’s gotten any new fish since we were there?”

Kaito sighed, but the sigh turned into a chuckle nodding. “Yeah, we can talk about it in therapy. I don’t really know if there’s any solution other than me stop being a giant turd, but we can talk about it… and, knowing fish? That whole fish tank is an incentous, cannibalistic  freak show of constantly new and replaced fish all the time. It’s its own, functioning ecosystem… maybe new bottom-feeders though? Did you see the little bottom feeders? I don’t know why, I got a soft spot for those little weirdos.”

 “Why do you like them so much?” Shuichi frowned, “Fish tanks smell, fish don’t make good pets, and they’re kind of creepy the more you think about them. Why do you want a tank for your shrine so much?”

“I don’t really think the ‘snake guy’ has any room to talk.” Kaito said dryly.

“Snakes are way more hygienic and friendly than fish. Less murdery too. We need to go get my snake, by the way.”

“Nnngh….”

There was a soft murmur of, ‘you’re not a giant turd’, but it was definitely overshadowed by Kaito revealing the gruesome underworld of owning fish. Sure, Kokichi knew that some fish ate each other but...a whole wall tank, like the one Dr. Mariah had, all filled with fish that were constantly fucking and eating each other… Kokichi stuck his tongue out, happy he hadn’t sworn off fish. Better to fill his belly with a purpose. 

But he was going to support Kaito getting fish and not just passively!

“I think they’re both friendly in their own ways, and snakes have their own unique hygiene concerns too. Even if I think getting to see it shed will be kinda cool,” Kokichi tried to mediate. “They’re both good pets. Even if we’re not getting a cat.”

“Cats? Why are we talking about cats?” Kaito asked, twitching, “Did you… want a cat??”

“Nu-uh,” Kokichi shook his head. “Between a snake and fish, not to mention two kids, and maybe a third some time in the future, I have no room in my life for a cat.”

Kokichi looked to the side. “...but if, completely detached from everything else, I had to choose a pet to have? I’d wanna get a cat.”

Kaito sighed. “Well… maybe someday? When the kids are older? I mean, cats are pretty self-reliant… though, I mean, it’d have to live in the bedroom, right? I guess it could just roam the castle, but the castle’s big. I think at that point it’d be a stray cat.”

“Cats are nice. I think I’d be okay with a castle cat. Though a cat living in our room isn’t the worst thing. Chase lives in Tim’s room.” Shuichi pointed out.

“Chase literally goes to school with Tim five days of the week, and Tim goes out with her all the time. She just sleeps in there, more than anything… that dog is getting huge too.” Kaito chuckled, “I wonder if she’s done growing or not? She’s only, like… maybe a year old? She’s probably still growing. She’s gonna be a big dog.”

Maybe, but… 

Kokichi shook his head. “Like I said--we have enough going on in our lives without another life coming into them. And the logistics would be a nightmare to figure out...I wouldn’t exactly be thrilled having our bathroom smell like cat pee all the time, you know?”

His life was full enough. And...well… (He already got quality kitty time, with the added bonus of having a friend too.)

...that part of his life already felt filled. 

Laughing slightly, Kokichi closed his eyes. “Remember when we went to the coast, and her entire body could fit on your lap? She was so little… Now she could cover my entire body. She’s gonna be huge.”

“It still makes me feel better to know Timothy’s got a big animal around him, if anything gets sketchy. I don’t know what Chase’s instincts will be in the face of actual danger, but considering how attached she is to Tim? I feel like it’s decent odds she’ll be a help.”

Kaito watched Shuichi take a breath, kiss Kokichi’s temple, before scooting away from him, lifting himself out of the water and sitting on the wall, leaving his legs in. “You good, handsome?”

“I am, I’m just cooling down a little.” Shuchi said, lifting up his shirt (he couldn’t be convinced to be in just his bathing suit, with the possibility of someone coming in.) a little and rubbing his belly, Kaito feeling something between arousal and affection stir within him at the sight. Cute… maybe he’d try to woo Shuichi tonight. Or, oooooh… no, nooo, keep it in your pants, Kaito. Let your men relax in the hot tub. Seriously… gah! They were both so fucking hot, it was rediuclous. 

It was a good bet, and Kokichi nodded his agreement. As far as he saw--and considering that she regularly interfaced with a bunch of nine- and ten-year-olds and they’d never gotten a notice about anything, Kokichi thought this guess was sound--Chase never got aggressive with just people going about their usual days, and she was very good at judging how to be gentle with people. She had the strength to protect Tim, certainly, but...Kokichi hoped she’d never have to use it. 

Kokichi looked over as Shuuichi started to shift, pleased with the little kiss and, after explanation, not surprised that Shuuichi was taking a breather. Kokichi probably should too but...he wasn’t feeling dizzy or weak, and while he wasn’t cold, the heat seeping into his body felt very nice. 

“Mmm… It does mean I’ve lost a cuddle-buddy though. Shuu-chan being clear-headed in the middle of our little corner of the party and going to get water. While I am far too uncoordinated to follow.” Kokichi looked over, giving his husband a grin. “I don’t need help yet, but does Kai-chan feel like getting lucky?”

“You’ve got no idea.” Kaito muttered, his eyes, uh… just by ‘chance’ finding the small curves of Shuichi’s chest in his sopping wet shirt. Mmmmmm… nice view… he wondered if Kokichi would be okay with him petting his happy trail a little? Fuck Kaito loved that little bit of hair on his husbands stomach, he though it was endearing as fuck. 

“I’m not really ready to get out of the hot tub yet, but we’re going to do the board game thing, right? Kaito, would you mind bring us some cooling drinks when we do? I think I’ll be a bit dehydrated by then.” Shuichi said, smiling slightly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, yeah, no worries. I’ll get some fruit for snacks too. Make a whole ‘thing’ of this, it’ll be fun.” Kaito reassured, shifting around. Purely on a whim, Kaito moved onto his back in the water, gently stretching out, floating on his back, before reaching out to kick lightly against the wall to push his head towards Kokichi’s stomach. Looking up at him from the surface of the water, arms and legs spread out to help the float, he grinned, “Hey.”

Kokichi blinked, before his cheeks went pink--more than they were from being in warm water, anyway--and he smiled a little at himself in exasperation. What word choice...geez. 

But considering how Kaito was barely latching onto it… He really needed to plan a nice night for them once he was sure he could handle it. 

“Oooo, yeah! It’d really feel like a secret club area then! Even if I don’t think I could eat a bite more of anything.” Kokichi laughed a bit, and...he’d planned on scooting on over to Kaito’s side, but he’d barely moved one scoot before his husband just effortlessly transitioned into a float, bobbing his head towards him.

Kokichi pouted, gently touching his hands to the backs of Kaito’s shoulders. “Show-off.”

Kaito looked mildly confused by that, before laughing lightly, “Ohhhh, right. You can’t float… my poor skinny-’Kichi… you’ll be able to someday. Though, next time we’re at a pool or beach or something? Maybe we should consider getting you floaters?”

“You want to put Kokichi in floaties?” Shuichi asked, raising an eyebrow at Kaito.

“Why not? They’re meant for beginner swimmers anyway, right? Maki already tried the ‘throw him in and see if he swims’ method, so maybe we should try more ‘step by step’ stuff?”

Kokichi huffed, gently lifting a leg to hit Kaito’s butt. But he did look genuinely contemplative of getting floaties. “I mean...maybe. For the start, I’m almost tempted to just wear a life-jacket and learn swimming movements first, then go down various floatation devices until I can do it on my own.”

“...they make adult-sized floaties, right?” he hummed. “I know I’m small, but I’m not that small. I still have a good few years until Tim and the girls outgrow me.”

That, of course, brought on a new train of thought. Groaning, Kokichi tipped his head back. “They’re all gonna be huge, I can feel it. Cali already hits like a truck--once she gets puberty muscles? It’s over, I’m never gonna be able to help her with anything but stretches.”

Kaito chuckled at the butt kick-- while also being, just, endlessly pleased. Kokichi really did have his strength coming back to him. Sure, he was… miles from okay. But, practically in and out of a coma was miles away too, now. Little by little-- before sighing happily, closing his eyes, “All the kids all grown up… off living their lives. Dealing with their own things, having their own triumphs… all of them towering over Kokichi.” He added in playfully, looking up at his husband, “I’m looking forward to it. I hope we do right by them… I want them to be happy, well adjusted adults.”

“Maybe with a little less ‘stabbing’ from Timothy.” Shuichi pointed out.

“Yeaaaaaaah… yeah.” Kaito sighed, “Yeah. Timothy’s a great kid. Seriously. But man, I gotta convince him to take ‘stab the problem away’ out of his reservoir of problem solving skills.”

“Hard to convince someone of something you don’t believe in.” Shuichi said pointedly.

“Uuuuunnnngh… do you have to call me out like that? Leave me alooooone…”

That was the goal. A little more directly for Tim, but...well, they were undoubtedly part of Kimiko and Cali’s lives now. The girls had other adult influences, but they were there… And so Kokichi hoped that they were positive, helpful influences, and that the kids would grow up to be adults with a little more of a clue than Kokichi had at the moment. 

Smiling a bit, Kokichi straightened again and gently started rubbing along Kaito’s neck and shoulders. “I think Cali’s been a good influence there, actually… It doesn’t happen too often, but have you noticed that she holds his wrist when things get tense? And...I think something like that is a little more meaningful from her.”

“You don’t believe in it,” Kokichi smiled, just...knowing that fact. “And I believe too much in pacifism for Tim to take me seriously at all when it comes to anywhere even near the possibility of violence. But Cali does believe in talking with her fists...but just her fists. And being a peer, rather than a parent, or uncle… I think her philosophy is one that would click with him more, rather than us taking him aside and explaining a bunch of ‘should’s in the world.”

“That’s true… Cali’s aggressive, but she’s far from unreasonable. And she’ll probably get more level headed as she gets older. If anything, that’s the kind of person I’d trust most, when talking about, like… how to handle aggression in a reasonable way, I guess. And that could be the kind of philosophy Tim would actually buy into… I mean, I won’t put all my hopes onto Cali and Kimiko to teach the kid new coping techniques, that’s not fair on the girls. But it still might end up being a lucky break, in the long run, that these two are the ones he got close too. Our firecracker, but not crazy, Cali, and our unflappable but sweet Kimiko… that’s a good mix, for someone as angry but stoic as Tim, I think.”

“I think taking care of a dog helps too, honestly.” Shuichi said, adjusting back into the water, his break done. “Haneda made a good call there, even if it pissed Maki off. And I agree with Maki that taking Tim out into town before we knew he’d be safe there was kind of a dick move, but, well… Haneda’s lived here a long time. She judged it’d be safe on her own, and has been proven right… and honestly, she’s been endlessly helpful with Tim. I can imagine we haven't been told half the issues Timothy’s probably given her, but she seems to be managing.”

As the adults in his life, the largest onus of being there and open to guide Tim would always fall to them, but...friends were important. Really important. And maybe it was just Kokichi’s very strange life along with all the coming-of-age stories he’d read, but...sometimes friends could really be more instrumental in shaping who you were than your parents. At least the later you got into life. 

Not that almost ten was late in any sort of definition, and Kokichi hoped to continue to be a part of Tim’s life for a long, long time. 

Kokichi smiled fondly as he remembered Maki’s restrained fury when Haneda and Tim came home with a puppy all those months ago. Especially knowing her better now, Haneda had always struck him as a prepared sort of person, even when thrust into surprising situations--like being told you were suddenly taking care of a kid who ran away from you on sight--but...yeah. Their communication could’ve been way better in those early days…

“Haneda-chan’s good people. I dunno if it ended up just being luck or something, but...I’m happy that she was the one that ended up lookin’ out for Tim. I think she’s pretty happy about it too.”

“Mmmmhmmm.” Kaito closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Kokichi’s hands gently touching his shoulders and face… mmmmm… this was nice…

When Kaito closed his eyes, in the heat of the jacuzzi, that strange, oddly lit darkness, the light from both above and below, he found himself… feeling strange. Weightless, sure, but… more than that. Like he was hovering… a dark space surrounded by stars and the colorful gases of supernovas, red giants, distant and not-so-distant stars. It felt… so lifelike, for a moment. Like he had actually laid back and fallen into the void. The vast celestial body…

Kaito peeked his eyes open, and through the steam, saw the stars…

… and had a moment of deep sadness, when his eyes adjusted and he saw the curve and imperfections of the darkness from the black rock ceiling.

“This really is a beautiful room.” Kaito mused, ignoring his longing sadness. “Whoever designed it must have had a field day, getting to make something like this.”

(...?)

(...why this sadness?)

Kokichi blinked and looked around the room in appreciation, his hands stilling on Kaito for a moment. “It really does feel like something out of a fairytale… I think sometimes it’s really easy to get up in all the details of convenience and accommodation...but this place feels like it refused to forget fantasy.”

A short sigh. “...I really wish I could’ve met them. My...grandparents, I guess. They seem like they were cool people. Maybe I could’ve asked which of them asked for at least the vibe of this room...or if they both decided to just let a designer and construction team go wild.”

“Mmmm, I bet they asked for it. This feels a little too experimental to risk trying out on the queen of your country and her…” Kaito paused, looking up curiously at Kokichi, “King? Prince-Consort? Or… you guys don’t actually have that title here, I guess. That’s something I brought with me. Who was your grandfather? I’ve read a bit about Dicean history, but I haven't come across the chapters about them yet.”

Kokichi looked down in surprised interest. Sure, he’d seen a few history books in their room but...still, it was something nice to hear that Kaito had been reading some Dicean history. 

And he was delighted to talk about more. 

“His name was Taitei Hount, a...well, everyone just called him a representative, so I don’t know if they even have royalty, but he was a representative from Wonderland. Fuse was setting up some relations with other countries, and married Taitei for even better ones with Wonderland. Though...I still know next to nothing about it. There are some fancy imported teas we get from there,” Kokichi hummed. 

Kokichi had seen exactly one portrait of his grandfather, and books mostly started and ended with his marriage to Fuse, since he never took the Ouma oath. But Kokichi had heard things here and there about the man. 

“He wasn’t...very much for the social life. He had a few friends, one of whom he regularly composed music with but...mainly what people talk about was how great of a pianist he was. I know I’ve told you guys before, but the next time the theater has a concert of someone playing a bunch of his music? We totally have to go see it.”

Starting up his little massage on Kaito’s shoulders again, Kokichi’s smile was soft. “...I dunno. Mostly what I’ve heard about him was that he was a chill, soft-spoken guy...but apparently Fuse was crazy about him. Talked to anyone who’d listen about how amazing he was… My dad said she was okay, when they met, but...I mean…she definitely changed after he died… Apparently there were stories from some of the old castle staff about how worried they were, because more than anything, she’d lost her best friend...but she kept on. Even in her last years people used to say there wasn’t anything that could keep her down.”

“That’s a shame… wasn’t Fuse herself crazy young, when she died? What did they die of?” Kaito asked.

Kokichi nodded sadly. “She was in her late sixties… It was some sort of sudden illness--Aiichi said he went back to Dicea for a school holiday and she was fine, and then just a couple months later she was gone… And what happened to Taitei was kept private. There was just...no communication for a little bit, then an announcement that he’d passed. I’m guessing that Fuse let friends and family know, but...well, he was a private guy in life. She might’ve been respecting his wishes in that regard.”

Sounded a little sketchy to Kaito. A whole slew of darker theories running through his mind… but then the thought, ‘Stop it, they’re Dicean, you have to give it the benefit of the doubt’. And he sighed, letting the theories go. Just a… private sickness, probably. 

“Mmmm… never met anyone from Wonderland myself. You hear weird things about that whole corner of the world. Probably just stories and superstitions, but… man. There was this one drug they were passing around at a party that I really shouldn’t have been at? They called it the White Rabbit, said it was from Wonderland? A lot of people when they’re trying to insist this weird mushroom or pill or whatever comes from Wonderland, it’s usually just to sell some local stuff to rich kids who want something ‘exotic’, I found out, but this thing? Never had anything like it before or after. I don’t even know what really happened? Looking back, I think I literally just fell asleep and had a really vivid dream. The kind where you know you’re dreaming and can move around and make decisions and stuff? And I felt like I was still awake at the party, but a lot of things were just… weird? There were fish floating through the air, but like, willowy and wispy, and when I asked my partner at the time what they were, she said they were the spirits of air… which seemed fundamentally wrong to me. Why would spirits representing air be fish? Wouldn’t it be birds?”

“And, like… the people at the party… some of them looked different? They all glowed a little, but some people glowed bright, and a few people… their glows looked like… I don’t know? Like they weren’t human. Like there were people who were half dog, or… like, these dark and menacing figures… my partner had talons and slits for eyes… it was wild.”

“When did this happen?” Shuchi asked, “I don’t remember this story.”

“Oh, uh… I think I didn’t want to tell you I went to a party like that. Like, this was one of those events Fuyuhiko told me to steer clear of? One of those. But my partner really wanted to go. I think they were some heavy hitters making some deals with each other, and I maaaaaay have been brought along to make it look like they had connections to the royal family? I dunno, I was pretty out of it. I never saw any of those people again. Except the person I went to the party with, of course. You remember Talison? Always wore all those crazy accessories?”

Shuichi nodded. Yeah, he remembered her. Kaito was always exhausted, after spending the night with Talison. It’d be like he was sick. Shuichi assumed then, and assumed now, it was because Kaito got crazy hungover after spending time with her. And this party sounded about right for that assumption.

Honestly? In a lot of ways, thank god Kaito had gotten out of Luminary when he did. There were a lot of bad habits, left behind there.

There were definitely some...weird rumors about Wonderland. Giant beast-like creatures wandering its forests, wide-spread beheadings (though Kokichi had never heard anyone talk about it as if it was contemporary news), and even more mundane but still odd stuff, like there was a significant portion of its population that mainly ate mushrooms. Personally Kokichi thought that last one was a misunderstanding of widespread vegetarianism, but still. 

The crazy drugs were a new one though. 

Kokichi’s eyes widened as Kaito described his night at that party, a little worried, but kind of intrigued. “That sounds kinda like a heavy acid trip or something… Nuts. I kinda feel like experiencing that once would be cool, but...anything that heavy is something I should definitely steer clear from.”

“Glowing people,” Kokichi hummed, tipping his head back. “And people...honestly sounding like fairytale creatures. That sounds like a fun painting project… I could fill space with cloud fish.”

“Oh my god, guys, let’s do acid.” Kaito said, eyes wide with wonder.

“I so can’t.” Shuichi said dryly. “Obviously.”

“Okay, fine, not now. But like…. Eventually. It’d be an adventure!”

“It’d be the three of us vegging out on the floor together.”

“Well, sure, if you say it like that, it doesn’t sound any fun…” Kaito pouted. Looking up to his husband, Kaito whined, “Kokichiiiii. Do drugs with meeeeee.”

“I’ll take an edible with you, Kai-chan, but that’s as far as I’m going. As cool as stronger hallucinogens sound, I really can’t.” Kokichi grimaced a bit, sinking down in the water. “One time Mikaku gave me some weed brookies? They’re like a combination of brownies and cookies… But I forgot they were edibles after I had one, so I had a double dose, and while, like, medically that’s fine?”

He sighed, “I was so blitzed out of my mind I felt like I was gonna fall through the floor. I had to consciously focus on breathing. I’m never doing anything more than that.”

“I bet hermit wizard has all the drugs.” Kaito whispered, eyes narrowing. “Hermit wizard is a dealer, you guys.”

“Hermit wizard is literally in one of the highest positions of authority in this country.” Shuichi reminded Kaito, “Please don’t treat hermit wizard like a drug dealer. We literally know where to find an actual drug dealer. Maki’s guy, remember? Whatever his name was? At the dance?”

“Maki didn’t seem too impressed by that guy. I bet he’s not even a good drug dealer. I bet his… his weeds are watered down.”

“What? Kaito, you’ve done more drugs than all of us, why do you insist on talking like some suburban house mom?”

“... ‘cause it’s fun.” Kaito grinned.

Kokichi snorted a bit at Kaito’s ever-present nickname for their strategist. “He’s a dealer only in that he knows how to process cannabis? And it’s legal? He told me once he started growing and processing it ‘cause his grandma had a bad back and he wanted to help give her some relief. And I know there are other places to get CBD oil an’ stuff...but Mikaku’s is really the best. I’ll happily continue being a patron of his deals of massage oil.”

“...aw shoot…” Kokichi frowned slightly, even amid Kaito’s teasing. “...I’ve totally forgotten his name… Joel? I think it started with a J… Mm...feel kinda bad now… I was wondering if we should reach out at some point...though I guess Maki-chan could find him if she wanted to…”

“Why hit him up? For the drugs?” Kaito asked, finally getting tired of floating and, with a few shifts of his body, sitting up out of the water, sitting next to Kokichi with a sigh, clearing out his ear. “Honestly didn’t think you had it in you, babe.”

Kokichi rolled his eyes a bit, still frustrated and disappointed that he couldn’t remember the guy’s name. Jack? He didn’t think it was Jack… Gently, he knocked his head against Kaito’s chest, though he was comfortable resting there afterward. “Obviously not. I dunno… It just feels like the right thing to do, to hit up someone’s friends when they come back in town? So it’s easier to make plans...or something. But that’s not really Maki-chan’s style at all…”

Kaito put his arm around Kokichis’s waist, scooting him closer… and, yes, taking the opportunity to pet at his line of hair. Though, at the mention of Maki coming back…

“...do you think… I mean…” Kaito frowned. “...Maki’s coming back, right?”

Shuichi shrugged. “She might.”

“...she’s got a lot of reasons to come back. All of her siblings are here. Her kid is here… we’re here…”

“That’s true.” Shuichi said non-committedly.

“...Sometimes I think I don’t actually know Maki.” Kaito confessed. “I didn’t see the thing with Kaede coming… at all. And, looking back? I should have. I just… didn’t see it.”

“You don’t like seeing certain things.” Shuichi said softly, “So you don’t.”

“...well, that’s a dumb thing to do.” Kato muttered.

...it was always a possibility. Everyday, everyone had the possibility that it’d be their last. But with the war over, Kokichi had really thought that...it’d be a sure thing now. After months of firmly assuring that Maki was going to return to them in the wake of his partners’ despairing doubts...Kokichi thought that they’d finally start believing it themselves. 

...it was a different matter entirely if Maki just chose not to come back. 

But he really didn’t think she would, in a different kind of faith than he’d had during the war. 

...Kokichi sighed softly, turning his head to give Kaito’s chest a kiss. “...she’s a complicated person, just like everyone is.”

“But she is coming back,” he huffed. “I threatened to bawl as I gave her a hug, and Maki-chan’s not a coward so she’s gonna bravely face that.”

Kaito chuckled. Yeah… he had to spar her too. She had to know he’d want to. She wouldn’t deny him that closure…

“Yeah, she’ll come back for that weepy hug. No doubt.” Kaito said warmly, kissing the top of Kokichi’s head… before saying, “We really should comb your hair soon, ‘Kichi…”

Sticking his tongue out, Kokichi whined. “Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. Fiiiiiiiiiine. If you’re gonna twist my arm over it.”

“Consider it twisted.” Kaito replied with a wry grin, pulling Kokichi into a gentle hug.

“See? Controlling tendencies. I win… Joey! His name was Joey!” Shuichi suddenly shouted, eyes widening… before narrowing, “...huh. I thought I just didn’t know the name. That took a while to remember. Weird.”

“You’re losing your touch, man. It’s all the sugar slowing ya down.”

“Shuttup, Kaito.” Shuichi huffed, though he did give his empty plate a newly wary glare. “...that’s not a thing.”

“Is so a thing.”

“Is not.”

“Is so.”

“Is not.”

“Joey…” Kokichi sighed to himself, now satisfied with remembering the dealer’s name. Though...he did feel a bit bad for forgetting; he was usually pretty good with names. It was something he tried at, since...well, it was just sort of a nice, personal touch, wasn’t it? He saw and heard so many names, even just on a day-to-day basis, and...people tended to be happy if you remembered them. 

Joey was a different story to that, but Kokichi was at least happy he remembered it started with a J. 

Cuddling against Kaito, Kokichi raised an eyebrow. (Side effect?) “If anything, I’d think it’d speed you up. Since sugar is, like, instant energy. Maybe if you didn’t eat anything for a while after but…” He shrugged a bit. 

“Sugar is lying energy. Gives ya a little hit and then BAM! Suddenly you got a few more ounces of fat taking up a bit more energy to run your body, which in turn slows you down… if ya don’t have the muscle to compensate.” Kaito added in as an afterthought, “If ya got the muscle? It all balances itself out at a certain point…”

“I have muscle.” Shuichi pouted a little, looking down at his legs. His arms had lost a lot of their tone, the longer off the pollen he was, but his thighs and calf muscles? Maybe it was just the effort of carrying his weight around, but those had stayed strong. “Certainly I count as ‘balanced’, for… at least my situation?”

“...awww, okay, I think I heard some actual worry in that last line.” Kaito realized, gently pulling himself from Kokichi’s cuddle and kicking off the wall, turning quickly and, with a surprising amount of grace in the water, immediately pulling up onto Shuichi’s knees, putting his legs on either side of him, perched on the very edge of his knees before leaning in to give the mildly exasperated Shuichi a kiss, “I’m just teasing, handsome. You’re perfectly fine, and Seiko and Dr. Tenchi say you’re in great health. Don’t let your brute of a boyfriend get into your head about the sweets, you’re good… sexy too.”

“Mmhm… well, obviously.” Shuichi pouted, allowing more kisses, seemingly reassured.

“Not if you keep eating sugar,” Kokichi pointed out, just to be contrary. “And if you gain fat from sweets then that’s giving your body more reserves.” 

Did he know enough about nutrition to be serious about this? Not in the slightest. Was it fun to argue justifications against Kaito? Absolutely. And normally Shuuichi was one to join in, but...maybe not this time. 

Luckily, that was quickly remedied. Kokichi watched fondly as Kaito glided across the water to reassure Shuuichi. Though, he soon took a breath and started shuffling himself along the circumference of the tub, trying to get over to his partners too. 

“I’ve always heard that bein’ able to do what ya wanna do is one of the best signs of individual health… It’s a little different in Shuu-chan’s case, but it’s not a diet or exercise thing--you have a whole dang ‘nother person in you, so Shuu-chan’s body is working double time.”

“Well… I just want to sleep in bed all day and get my feet massages and occasionally ogle Kaito.” Shuichi said, that last part entirely to reward Kaito for backing off when he was starting to feel a little insecure.

And Kaito, in turn, lit up, saying, “Annnnd I want to be ogled! So our diets work out!”

Kaito, immediately, glanced over to Kokichi as he saw him shift, watching him like a hawk, though he was trying to not be obvious about it. Kokichi probably had an easier time moving in the water-- there was a reason Kaito would argue that water exercise worked better for people in pain, and that was a huge part of it-- but if he slipped or seemed fatigued in the heat, Kaito wanted to be aware of it before it became a scary problem…

And when Kokichi got to Shuichi’s leg easily on his own, Kaito grinned, warm, proud affection running through him… and also an idea.

“Hey, Kokichi?” Kaito said, something playful and mischievous in his eyes. “Know any nice, soft, melodic songs?”

Kokichi snorted a soft laugh. It was always a delight when Shuuichi decided to flirt with Kaito, and Shuuichi did enjoy the comforts of a sedentary life. But it would be nice when Shuuichi could finally set down the entire human being he was carrying and recovered from surgery. Maybe Shuuichi would enjoy going on a walk with him sometime…

It was...a little tiring, scooting around the tub, but Kokichi didn’t feel any part of his body start to tremble or weaken. He’d probably need to take a break from the heat soon, but for now? ...he was feeling okay. And it was really nice. 

He shot Kaito a semi-suspicious look. “...I mean, yeah? There are a lot of types of songs I know.”

Kaito grinned, before considering the heat of the jacuzzi… “You guys mind if I turn down the degrees a bit? Just a little?”

Kaito, when his men gave him hesitant, wary ‘sures’, popped out of the jacuzzi and going to the valves, lowered the heat a little. He just didn’t want Kokichi to get overheated, more than anything, but he very much wanted to play out his little idea. Heading back into the jacuzzi, Kaito jumped in a little, laughing at the jostling of the water, Shuichi getting splashed a little and… laughing a bit at that, “Kaito, what are you planning?”

“Nothing as cool as the buildup for it, but I’m gonna do it anyway.” Kaito shrugged, swimming over to Kokichi, floating onto his stomach with a gentle few kicks to his legs as he rested his elbows on Kokichi’s knees, putting his chin in his hands as he looked up at Kokichi with a sweet, needling grin, “Come on, Kokichi… I know so few Dicean songs. You should teach me a Dicean song. Please?”

This was suspicious. 

Not in a malicious way, Kaito never was. But all this had a point, and Kokichi had a sinking suspicion through it all, as the water started to cool slightly--not really, since it’d take longer for the heat to disperse, but knowing that the temperature was turned down made it feel like that anyway--and Kaito got all...playful and cute. 

Kokichi gave each of his partners a slightly wary glance. “You just want me to sing again, don’t you.”

“Whaaaaa?” Kaito said, looking shocked at this implication, this accusation. “Shuichi, do you hear this guy? Where does this mistrust come from?”

“No idea. Clearly you’re just asking to learn a new Dicean song. To be a better Dicean, surely?” Shuichi said playfully, smirking slightly. “Makes sense to me.”

“See! Right?! Shuichi gets it, Kokichi.” Kaito pouted, giving his husband an absolutely wounded look as he said, “Don’t you want me to be the best Dicean I can be?”

Kokichi sighed. Wretched, the both of them. 

...but they had never laughed or humored him when he sang before. Even if the only times Shuuichi caught him were when he was humming while doing other stuff, mostly…

Even with the temperature going down, Kokichi’s cheeks stayed an embarrassed pink before he huffed. “Just...gimme a second to think of something…”

And after his second… Much like his first song that Kaito had asked for before, Kokichi’s voice was soft, a little rushed, though...the verses of this song were pretty fast anyway. 

“It’s soon but I’ve set sail again / The wind feels right this time / The waves are small / But they rock my boat / It’s soon but I’ve set sail again.”

“I’ve put my trust in the constellations / The pinholes of hope, that steer my boat / I’ve put my heart in the hands of the man in the moon / It’s soon but I’ve set sail again / It’s soon but I’ve set sail again.”

The chorus, however, was a bit slower, drawing out the syllables of many of the words, and...Kokichi had always thought the chorus was very sweet. Still too embarrassed to look at either of his partners, though, Kokichi kept his face turned away, even as the corners of his lips turned up a bit. 

“And if you geeeeeet seasiiiiick / I’ll drop anchor and hoooold you clooose / And if you geeeeet sunstroooooke / I’ll let you sit in the hull of my boooat.”

Kaito chuckled a little, a little sheepish-- ah, shoot, this tempo might not be quite right for what he could accomplish-- but entirely unwilling to stop his husband for a different song, Kaito listened to it quietly for a moment, honestly just enjoying Kokichi’s hesitant little music. Cute… and his patience was rewarded as, finally, a but of the song slowed down, Kokichi’s voice going slower, the notes lasting beats longer in that sweet, clear voice of his…

And, putting his hand on Kokichi’s hip firmly, and another in his other hand, he pulled Kokichi out into the center of the hot tub, effortlessly supporting his weight in the water, Kokichi’s legs dropping to the bottom, toes tracing the flooring as Kaito stood easier in the deeper part of the the tub, and with a small, wolfish grin, pulled Kokichi into a gentle twirl. 

Shuich watched with some amusement as Kaito kept supporting Kokichi through the shiftings of the water, his makeshift attempt at dancing, while without a ton of room to move around, still not half bad. Though, he kept an eye on Kokichi’s face, ready to intervene if this was too much for their partner…

Kokichi’s voice squeaked out of tune, and for a moment he nearly stopped, but… His expression softened, once it faded from shock. 

...he really missed dancing. This was sneaky, but...really sweet. Kokichi moved along as best he could to Kaito’s lead, making it easier to support him. And...guessing from their tempo, Kokichi slowed down the next verse, taking it at half speed. 

“It’s soon but I’ve set sail again / The moon feels right this time / It’s big and it’s bright and it’s in line with the stars / It’s soon but I’ve set sail again / It’s soon but I’ve set sail again.”

Even for the last two choruses Kokichi kept the slower, sweeter mood from how upbeat the song usually was. And...maybe he was feeling a little more confident, because he added a few harmonic flourishes from how he sang certain notes the first time.

“And if you geeeeeet seasiiiiick / I’ll drop anchor and hoooold you clooose / And if you geeeeet sunstroooooke / I’ll let you sit in the hull of my boooat / And if you geeeeeet seasiiiiick / I’ll drop anchor and hoooold you clooose / And if you geeeeet sunstroooooke / I’ll let you sit in the hull of my boooat.”

Grinning, Kokichi finished off the song with a little ditty of “Bee-bum! Daddle-itta-dadda-da!”, evidently singing the closing instrumental too. 

Kaito laughed, face red from more than the heat, eyes adoring. Cute… that was cute. And, for the last grand instrumental finish, he spun them both around a bit, lifted Kokichi out of the water a bit, and dipped him back, Kokichi’s hair swirling in the water… before Kaito straightened him up, holding him close, double checking him… overheated? Over worked? So far it didn’t seem so…

He turned to Shuichi, and still holding Kokichi to himself, made a flourishing bow as he said, “Ta-da! A song and dance show! All for the amusement of our Shuichi!”

Shuichi raised an eyebrow-- uh huh--, but good naturedly clapped his hands, “Woo! Bravo!” He said, laughing lightly, “Good job, very impressive.”

Kokichi came back up out of the--quite literal--dip giggling, feeling like...he’d done something he’d sorely been missing. Like the world was a little more aligned now, and things were a little better. 

And he didn’t feel quite so embarrassed when they bowed to Shuuichi. “Thank you, thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed the show! We’ll be taking donations at the door--currency in the form of kisses and snuggles are top dollar!”

“Speaking of, though,” Kokichi looked up at his husband with a sheepish grin, “Even with the cooler water...I think I might need to be done soon. I can feel myself gettin’ real pruney.”

“I could get out too, honestly. I keep going from slightly too hot to very too hot.” Shuichi agreed, starting to shift out of the water.

Scooping his husband up, assuming his legs might be a little weak after all that time in the water, Kaito said, “Alright, alright, let’s go chill out and play board games then. I’ll get snacks and drinks while you guys cool down on those sofa/lounge looking things. Don’t worry about it, Shuichi, I’ll get the hot tub stuff too.” Kaito told his boyfriend, when he saw him start waddling his pregnant sel over to the valves, also a little unsteady on his feet after the heat. 

Shuichi just shrugged at that, following Kaito to the lounge, where Kaito, snagging a towel on the way, put it down on the cushions and placed Kokichi on top of it. “How we feeling? Feeling good?”

Kokichi easily went up into his husband’s arms, taking a moment to squeeze excess water out of his hair and lightly shake off what he could while Kaito and Shuuichi were settling what they wanted to do. He’d still need to towel off a bit, but he could keep from drenching the place. 

Stretching out on top of the towel, Kokichi grinned up at Kaito. “I’m...a little tired, honestly, but I feel good. Relaxed. And I’m super excited to play this board game! It looked like you guys had a lot of fun before, Shuu-chan.”

Kokichi flipped the towel over his legs a little, getting a head start in drying off, though honestly he’d probably be happy air drying for a while then changing when they were ready to head back upstairs. But...for the foreseeable future? He was happy to hang out in the basement. 

“Alright then. Let me go do all the things and when I get back we’ll start.” Kaito said, leaning in to steal a small kiss before looking over to Shuichi, who was resting on the other lounge, laying back and stretching himself a little, his own towel soft of loosely around hi, hanging off his shoulders, “Shuichi? You good handsome?”

“Mmmm.” Was all Shuichi said, but it sounded vaguely like an affirmation, so Kaito gave him a thumbs up, heading back into the hot tub room and messing with the valves.

The water starting to drain, Kaito took a towel, quickly ran it over his legs, decided, eh, good enough, and still just in his bathing suit, headed upstairs to go hunt for the promised goodies.

“That song and dance was actually very fun to watch.” Shuichi admitted, looking over at Kokichi with a soft smile, “You have a nice singing voice.”

Kokichi smiled into the kiss, and, seeing Shuuichi’s example, and knowing from experience that the cushions on the lounges were fairly waterproof, he shifted, getting comfortable himself. Though, he did keep his towel under him. 

Maybe it was just the mood they’d created, but Kokichi blatantly watched Kaito’s ass--and the slight movement of his traps as his shoulders moved--as he went up the stairs. Though, he snorted slightly at Shuuichi’s comment, still too embarrassed to take it straight. 

Kokichi’s cheeks pinked again as he just sort of shrugged. “I’m glad you like it, at least… I mean...I know I don’t exactly have the kind of voice people would wanna listen to all the time but...I guess I have moments.”

“To be entirely fair to you, an impromptu performance in a steam filled room at the nagging of your husband trying to be ‘cute’ isn’t exactly theater stage setup… but for not being some incredibly impressive opera singer, I think you sounded nice.” Shuichi said, closing his eyes and sighing cheerfully, enjoying the refreshing feeling of his body slowly cooling, “And I’m fairly certain I’m usually right about things. So, we have that going for us.”

Kokichi blushed a little more, but the smile on his face was thankful. “Well… I mean, I can’t deny that Shuu-chan has a good head on his shoulders. Guess I’ll just have to accept that.”

“...I am kinda looking forward to singing to Miya,” Kokichi softly hummed, carefully bringing his legs up. “It would devastate me if she started crying, but...it’s something I wanna share with her. Music as a whole but...having that sort of connection. A parent singing to their child.”

“...Katio’s going to lose his mind watching that.” Shuichi chuckled, putting the back of his palm to his mouth, a genuinely delighted look spreading across his face as he imagined it, “You know that, right? He already spends far too much time watching us do things. When you add in a baby to the picture? We are going to be on 24/hour Kaito shows.”

Kokichi sighed a bit, resigned to that fact but...not in an upset way. “At least we get to watch him too. And I think sometimes he’s gonna be far too absorbed in watching Miya to notice us much. But in fairness, I think I’m gonna be in at least a similar way. I’m just never gonna get over that...wow. She’s there,” he grinned, “Our daughter.”

“...” Kokichi snorted. “....hoooow many outfits do you think he’s gonna buy her once she’s born? And I mean just for the itty-bitty baby stage...even knowing that she’s gonna completely outgrow them in just a little bit.”

“Before she’s too big to put her in literally whatever he wants?” Shuichi clarified dryly, “At least we can be reassured that that we’ll have plenty of hand me downs if anyone we know is having a baby in the future… if they’re willing to inherit, just, far too many  doll sized animal onesies.”

Shuichi suspected he’d get a bit caught up in their daughter too, but… he had a harder time envisioning it, then they did. He thought of their future with their child as a series of facts and milestones that were coming up. She’d need feeding and diaper changes and she’d need to take her baths in this special little bucket in the sink, and she’d need new clothes basically every few months for a long time, constantly growing for… quite a while, before her first growth spurts calmed down into her childhood body… and then one day she’d be a teenager and start sprouting up again…

And he knew, in a detached sort of a way, that he’d enjoy watching all of these things happen… but he had a hard time imagining it.

He couldn’t even really imagine what she’d look like.

Upstairs, the door opened again, Kaito calling down, “I return with the snacks!”

Kokichi chuckled a bit at the absolute truth of Shuuichi’s dry musing. He was glad the dresser they’d gotten for the nursery was pretty big--already they had a few baby clothes. At least one outfit for every expected size until she was about six months old… It was a little much, but Ikuo had shrugged that if her latest growth spurt snuck up on them while they were in zombie parent mode, they’d at least have one thing to dress her in before they could get more. 

But Kokichi wouldn’t be surprised if, at least for how quickly she’d be growing at the start, she barely got to wear things twice with how many outfits Kaito would get her. 

He had a feeling he’d be making a looooot of drawings so his husband could remember his favorite outfits on her. 

Smirking, Kokichi looked up at the stairwell, calling up it, “Hey, Kai-chan! If you could only choose one animal for Miya’s clothes to be based around, what would it be?”

“Damn, ‘Kichi, I haven't even gotten down the stairs yet and you want to hit me with hardball questions…” Kaito muttered, as he brought down the platter of bowls of fruit, some nuts and chips, and enough drinks that all three of them could have three each, if they wanted them. Setting the platter down, he handed Kokichi and Shuichi their first drinks, Shuichi sitting up to drink his, before immediately starting to get to work setting up the board game, at the least taking out the board and the pieces, organizing them as he thought…

“It’s sorta hard to say without seeing her. She might, just, scream a certain kind of animal, ya know… but right now? Probably a lamb like the one Ikou made her. So they’d match! Why?”

Kokichi snickered, and when he saw the bounty Kaito had brought, his eyes widened a little. Sure, they needed to keep hydrated after being in the hot tub but...all of it? Maybe Kaito was just being prepared to not go up again for the rest of the afternoon. 

Taking his first drink and sipping from it, already feeling refreshed, Kokichi sat up a little more, taking in the layout of the game. He’d heard Shuuichi, Nadya, and Drake go over the rules, and listened to them talk and explain it to Kimiko, but...well, he’d fallen asleep partway through, and if he wanted a chance at giving Shuuichi a run for his money then he needed to be as prepared as he could be. 

“Really? Not a wolf?” Kokichi laughed a little, amusing himself with the reference to the adage--not to mention that Kaito had certain smiles that screamed wolfish, and if she was their daughter, which she was, that sorta made sense--though he just shrugged a little. “Shuu-chan and I were just talking about all the clothes you’re gonna buy her that she’ll barely get to wear. For some reason I keep imagining her in, like, giraffe print… I guess that’s my brain’s shorthand for ‘animal clothes’.”

“Oooooh, a wolf… oh man, that’s sort of grimly cute, isn’t it? Dressing her up like a wolf, while she’s carrying around that little lamb doll? Oh nooo, I kind of love it.” Kaito grinned, unaware of his smile that sometimes showed off his back canines just a little too much, the expression usually reserved when he was feeling particularly excited about something… which the thought of his super cute daughter in a super cute wolf onesie with her super cute lamb in her arms did, Kaito chuckling at the thought. “Awwww, I might change my answer…”

“Though, giraffe print? I could see that, yeah. Little baby giraffe wrap around her… little baby safari girl… whittle itty bitty g-shiant long necks and-”

“Kaito, you’re dissolving into baby talk again.” Shuichi warned him, standing up and scooting his lounge sofa thing-- they were very light, made of some sort of criss-crossing wood-- to the small table Kaito setting up on, about to take a seat before looking to Kokichi, “Do you need a hand?”

Between the three of them, Kokichi wouldn’t be too surprised if their daughter ended up with something of a mischievous streak, but he still didn’t think the term ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’ would be too apt… Maybe not until she was older, at least. 

He laughed at Kaito slipping into a baby daydream, though when Shuuichi offered to help him out…

Kokichi looked over at the game board, just...slightly too far away to reach comfortably from where his lounge sofa thing was. Thinking for a moment, Kokichi took a steadying breath and lifted himself up, carefully placing his drink in a safe spot at the corner of the table just in case. “I think...I’ll need help moving my seat in. If I’m right next to Shuu-chan I’ll just be accused of cheating the whole time, right?”

“I’m not really sure if this game is really the type you can ‘cheat’ at.” Shuichi confessed, heading over and, easily enough, scooting the lounge sofa thing over, though he was glad it didn’t actually have to be moved far. Ha! There! He helped! He could help, Kaito… alright, alright, calm down, Shuichi, stop patting yourself on the back, you scooted a wicker sofa over all of one foot. “But I’m assuming Kaito will want to sit next to you to have more chances to feel you up.”

“Hey! … I mean, don’t say it like that.” Kait pouted, looking up at his men from setting up the game, referencing the rule book over and over, “You make me sound like a creep.”

“You are a creep.”

“Yeah, but don’t say it.”

“You’re a weirdo-oo-oo~” Kokichi hummed softly before giving his husband a coy look, sitting back down on the lounge with a thankful nod to Shuuichi. “I mean...you kept dipping your fingers past my waistband in the tub. I worked hard to tie the tie tight! It’s a little too big for me now…”

...the lines that had been softened around Kokichi’s hips and ribs were...definitely prominent again. But he could only do his best to restart his appetite and regular exercises again. He’d done it once, so he could bring his weight up once more. 

“But do you wanna sit next to me? I’m still cooling off, but I know soon enough I’m gonna be stealing all your heat again.”

“Oh my god, Kaito, did you really?” Shuichi said, giving Kaito a Look.

Kaito, in turn, went dark red in the face as he said, “A-ah… ah… I mean… what?” he asked, that blank, clueless grin suddenly spreading across his face as he asked, “Did I do that? I think my hand may have just… grazed past your waistband at one point… maybe?”

“Oh my god. You really just molested Kokichi, right in front of me, huh? Kokichi, maybe I should sit with you. Protect you from this lecher.”

“I-I’m not a lecher! Kokichi’s waistband was loose! It was an innocent accident!”

“Pervert.”

“Nnngh… am not.” Kaito groaned, before, deciding he had set up enough, grabbed his own drink, spread out the bowls of various snacks for easier access for everyone, before sitting next to Kokichi, sighing as he put his arm around his husband shoulder, lamenting, “Kokichiiii… defend my honooooor…” 

...and then immediately shooting himself in the foot as he opened hs eyes and, just blatantly, took a peek at Kokichi’s chest through the towels, curious if Kokichi’s nipples were hard by now from the cooling air.

“Even if my waistband is too loose, you’re still the one obsessed with my happy trail,” Kokichi hummed, though he leaned over to place a kiss on Kaito’s cheek once he sat down with him. “Buuuuuut I don’t mind. A little friendly, consensual touching never hurt anyone. And sitting at Kai-chan’s side in a hot tub, it is along the lines of what I’m expecting.”

Kokichi placed another kiss on Kaito’s shoulder and took a swig of his water before sitting up, leaning forward a little towards the board. “Alright! Let’s get this started. Should we just do the regular, ‘roll to see who goes first’ kind of thing? I know some games have, like, whoever’s had a birthday the most recent or whoever’s youngest, but...I don’t really see why it can’t be random.”

Affectionately, Kokichi put his close arm around Kaito’s waist, gently rubbing his far side.

The group started playing, Shuichi going first, and as Kaito waited for Shuichi to go, knowing he was going last himself, he found himself idly thinking of, of all things, pirates…

“Hey, Kokichi? Potentially weird question, but, like… you  don’t really have banit issues in Dicea, right? Do you guys have any… organized crime issues? Or… pirates? I mean, I guess they wouldn’t have to be Dicean pirates, to be hassled by pirates… I have pirates on the brain, for some reason.”

“Um…” Kokichi hummed, still paying attention to Shuuichi’s turn, though he considered Kaito’s question. “Not really anymore, no… For bandits, I mean. There haven’t been reports in a long time about people being hassled or accosted while they’re traveling. And...I dunno if I’d call it organized crime, but like...slightly less organized crime, I suppose… There are problems every now and again with drug rings. Mostly people making or growing new things and trying to get it out to market without having to wait and do the tests for clinical trials, but guards or detetives or even just people with an investigative spirit usually end up leading to the major players in the rings facing trial. Not a completely solved issue, though…”

“...mm. Sometimes smugglers. Like for illegal pets and stuff.” Kokichi grimaced. “There was a real scary group maybe...eighty years ago? They’d kidnap people and remove non-vital organs, then tried to sell them to hospitals… I have...no idea how they managed to get away with it long enough for it to be a “thing” but...yeah. They were shut down pretty hard.”

Pirates, though… Kokichi tilted his head onto Kaito’s arm, thinking back. “Not...really? Our coastline is pretty small, and we haven’t really done much sea trade until our agreement with Novoselic. Though maybe that’s something we’ll start to see, since we’re doing it more… It’d be pretty easy to see up at least a watch blockade since there isn’t much variation to where Dicean ships can depart from…”

Kaito’s eyes widened at Kokichi’s example of some of their darker crimes within the country and… what?? “People are stealing organs alive? ...Why??”

“Maybe there’s not enough corpses going through the morticians to make bribing them worth it?” Shuichi theorized, finishing his turn. “That’s what the underground in Luminary does… what the hospitals do too, honestly. And the nobles. And the wealthy. And, like, commoners putting a pool together… honestly, it’s baffling it’s not just legal to raid bodies as soon as they’re dead, in Luminary. We already do it. Why not just make it legal and taxable?”

“That’s kinda dark, Shuichi…”Kaito frowned, giving his boyfriend a disturbed look, who just shrugged in response. Though, to a lighter note, he mused, “I always thought being a pirate might be fun… I got a certain fondness for sailing and boats in general, which is funny, since I’ve been on a ship all of once in my life, and it was all of one day.”

“Novoselic?” Shuchi sort of guessed, sort of remembered.

“Yeah. So I’m pretty removed from the reality of it, but I’ve always liked the day dream of it… a bunch of tan, rugged sailors, hoisting the… sails and… dropping the anchor and… chilling out in the birds nest, days and days of just following the stars and praying on the wind and then BAM!” Kaito thrust his fist into the air, an excited look on his face, “Suddenly! PIRATES!”

Kokichi nodded with a sigh. “It was really fucked up. I’m guessing that maybe they thought the organs of people who were still alive would be of better quality than deceased organ donors, so...they thought they could get a better price or something? I really don’t know…”

...and it was all pretty gross anyway. Morticians identifying the cause of death, if it was needed, appropriate organs being harvested if the person was a donor, then, like...everything about crematoriums. Eugh. 

Kokichi, now slowly taking his turn in the game, smiled a bit at his husband’s strange affinity, remembering (an endless ocean) him talking similarly in the past. Kokichi wasn’t so...enthused by the reality of pirates, but as a concept? They were very cool. 

“...I think I sort of lied,” he hummed. “But in my defence, it was back when Dicea was barely a nation. There are reports of sailors and...what I guess would be the time’s equivalent to the sea guard having ‘suddenly! PIRATES!’ moments, but...like, joining them? Because the pirates had better benefits than what they were getting in their nation state.”

Kokichi smirked. “And I have no idea if they’re accurate in any way, but pirates always have the sexiest shirts in fantasy drawings.”

“Ooooh, yeah, we have a few ‘sailors joining pirates’ issues, if the stories I hear are true, but the way it sounds it’s more ‘conscription’ than ‘adoption’. Though, again, if the stories are true, a lot of those sailors end up buying into the life…” Kaito paused, thinking about it, “Though… maybe some of it is propaganda. Either the pirates propaganda, or Luminaries, who knows. No one wants to be the actual ‘bad guys’ in the story, so I’m sure there’s a few stories out there twisted to make themselves, and ourselves, seem more sympathetic and reasonable. Sure, sometimes sailors jump ship because the pirate life seems better! And sure, sometimes kidnapped sailors get stockholm syndrome and that’s why they never come back. Who knows. Maybe they’re both true.”

“... and they really do.” Kaito said, sighing contently, starting to take his turn, “Man… tattered loose v-necks and necklaces and showing off their calves… if I was a pirate? I’d never wear a shirt again, just, done. Totally done with them.”

“...I think you’d be kind of cute in a traditional sailor costume. Like the kind Kokichi wore in that poster.”

“Nooo, those are so goofy. It’s a tragedy, that that outfits the standard.” Kaito huffed, “That stupid hat and the ribbons and the clothes hug nothing… ugh. What a waste.”

There was probably some of that too, back in the day. Pirates weren’t exactly known for being compassionate. Whether it was ‘join us or die’ or ‘join us because you’ll be treated as an equal and we have a doctor on board so you get free medical’ might’ve just depended on the day. 

Kokichi snorted a bit, remembering the pirate costume they’d looked at together. “I dunno, hun. A dashing figure coming into the scene, shrouded in mystery under their hat and big, fancy coat… Then you’re taken to a meeting below deck in the middle of the night, and the captain has taken their hat and coat off, flowy, grungy shirt rolled up to their elbows and as they bend over the map you can see down their loose shirt…”

Kokichi’s look was more than teasing as he tilted his head at his husband. “Knowing that you’re one of the few people to ever see them like that? It makes it even better in my mind.”

...maybe Kaito should buy a big hat?

He had stopped halfway through his turn, just… lost in the pirate captain daydream… they had attacked the naval ship, seeking a map the royal families were passing to each other, leading them to a specific treasure… oh, but the treasure Kaito was most interested in was this spunky, quick witted, quick footed sailor that, for whatever reason, they had taken aboard… in a cute little traditional sailor outfit with the stupid round hat and the stupid ribbon, but, like… tailored to fit…

“...?” Shuichi sighed, and said again, “Kaito? Are you going to finish your turn?”

“Huh? Oh, oh, yeah! Yeah, sorry, uh…. Done!” Kaito stammered, trying to focus. Though… he wouldn’t just be bending over maps… mmmmm….

“Pfffni-heeee-hihihihi!” 

Kokichi’s snickers were downright diabolical--and as horse-ish as ever--as he took in the dreamy look in Kaito’s eyes, the expression like he was one or two steps away from drooling. He knew exactly what he’d done, putting that sort of imagery into Kaito’s head, and Kokichi could more or less guess what was going through his husband’s mind. 

Not very good for getting to play their game, but it was a lot of fun. 

Getting a hold over his laughs, Kokichi butted Kaito’s arm a bit. “Ahh… Sorry, hun. I’m gonna enjoy when we can get intimate again.”

“What, noooo, who’s even thinking  about something like that?” Kaito mumbled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, as Shuichi worked on his turn, snorting a bit.

“You? All the time?” Shuichi guessed, taking his card and… “Ah, interesting. I pick up a cursed dagger. Wonder if that’ll come back to bite us later. Apparently it makes me stronger though, so that’s nice.”

“Are we allowed to tell each other what we get on the cards?” Kaito asked, surprised.

“We’re working as a team the first half of the game, so yeah, I imagine it’s expected we’ll know what we have available to the team. And now we have a cursed dagger. Our cursed dagger.”

“You can keep your creepy dagger.” Kaito muttered, before looking over to Kokichi and grinning sheepishly, “And, yeah, course it’ll be nice, but… I’d rather wait till it absolutely not gonna hurt ya. So, ya know… take your time, babe, it’s not like we gotta rush back into it or anything.”

“...though, Shuuuuuuichi??”

“Ya know how my hormones are sometimes like ‘yay’ and sometimes are like ‘sex is the most disgusting thing imaginable?’”

“...is today a ‘yay’ day or…?”

“No.”

“Damn.”

Kokichi rolled his eyes a little, nudging Kaito’s side. Though… “It’s probably good for at least one of our characters to have a weapon… Even if it might have drawbacks later. Or maybe it’ll be even better, who knows?” Considering how thick the manual was, Kokichi had a feeling that there were open possibilities for almost everything in the game. 

Even when their real life ones were a bit limited. 

His gaze softening, Kokichi kissed Kaito’s shoulder. “I know. But I can still look forward to it. And I can thank you for being so patient while I’m healing. Just lemme know if I’m teasing too much, though, alright? It’s kinda mean to rile you up when I know I’m not gonna do anything about it, even if you do get a kick out of it sometimes.”

“Aw, I’m alright. Keeps me awake and alert, so it’s all good. Besides, it’s not like I’m helpless without ya guys. I can take care of myself.” Kaito reminded them, shrugging a little, watching Kokichi pick up his card after moving, “So, what’d ya get?”

“Iiiiit’s a backpack,” Kokichi hummed, showing the card art to his partners. “Says I can hold two active item cards instead of having to trade them out. If we meet up, Shuu-chan, and you end up finding a different weapon, I can hold on to one, for example… Though I dunno how equipped we’ll be by the time the second phase starts…”

He knew. While it was something of a relief to know that Kaito didn’t mind being blue-balled all the time, Kokichi still felt a little bad… But he knew that Kaito would never cheat on them. Whether he just had some alone time in the bathroom or just sat through it, Kokichi knew that no matter how much he riled Kaito up, he’d never go running to someone else. Other than Shuuichi, naturally. 

When Kaito’s turn came around again, he moved his character-- he had picked the sexy lady-- and picked up his card… “Ha! I got a superpower! I can hear the thoughts of people in the mansion… uhhhh, I think this is meant to let me see a parts of the villains plans in the second phase. That’s cool! My defense towards mental stability attacks has gone waaaaay down though.” Kaito frowned, looking at the mansion with new concern, “Like… way down. I’m probably gonna go crazy at some point, guys.”

“We’ll put you down when the time come.” Shuichi reassured, “And we won’t let you suffer too much.”

“Awwww, thanks handsome… ya know, I bet that’d be a cool power in real life.” Kaito mused, looking over the card, “Getting to read peoples minds? Like… it’s pretty powerful, as far as superpowers go.”

(...)

...Kokichi frowned softly, watching the little marker on the side of Kaito’s character card slide waaaay down. Though...not because of the game…

“It’d be pretty powerful,” Kokichi initially agreed, “But...I dunno. It seems like kind of an awful power… You might never have to second-guess anyone’s motives again, could always tell when they’re lying… But you’d never get to really meet and get to know someone. And...it’s really unbalanced if you can know everything about someone, and they don’t know you. Plus...there are probably a lot of things that you might be happier never knowing…”

“Yeaaaah, maybe? But, counterargument…” Kaito paused, thinking about it, “I mean, I’m not gonna lie, in Luminary? Something like that? You’d be unstoppable. So much power dynamics in Luminary involves effectively keeping secrets, or keeping others secrets, or exposing secrets… having access to all secrets? Ooooph… who could stand against you?”

“Wouldn’t work that well in Dicea. They don’t keep secrets here.” Shuichi pointed out, “You know what would work really well in Dicea? Mind control. Now that’s a useful superpower. You don’t even really need to know a person that well, you just force them to act the way you want them too. Perfect.”

“Hmmmm… mind control’s kinda sketch.” Kaito admitted, frowning, “I think the temptation to use that poorly would be… pretty intense. Sex would probably be a little easier with mind reading… though, maybe more boring for the same reasons Kokichi brought up. No need to experiment if you know what they want.”

Kokichi grimaced, his skin crawling. “...I really hate the concept of mind control…” And even more because so many of his loved ones had been subjected to it. 

...he frowned a little more. “...I think I just...don’t want power over people. I don’t want a way to one-up anyone so...I mean, I guess that’s just a pass on superpowers in general. So many of the stories and theories about them are for, like...beating up bad guys, or being the bad guy. I think I’d just wanna keep being a normal person.”

“...maybe being able to stop time could be nice, though.” Kokichi’s gaze went far away as he leaned his head on Kaito’s arm. “Just...taking a few extra hours in a nice afternoon, or getting all your work done quickly so you can enjoy yourself later. Spending as much time on vacation as you want… And if that gets boring, you can always just not use it…”

“...I guess you could do that for all superpowers, though.”

Kaito listened to Kokichi’s daydream with some amusement, seeing his point. It’d be nice to linger in a nice moment for as long as you wanted… though he countered, “Nah-uh! There’s ONE power you can’t stop using, and it’d be super helpful!...Being in-dust-tructible!” Kaito crowed, looking, just, overly excited by this idea as he said, almost menacingly, like a super-villain monologing, “HA-HAHAHA!! Just TRY to stab me! Blade just breaks at the skin! Throw myself off horses for FUN! HA!!”

“I still vote mind control. I just think it’d be useful… mind reading would be fun though. I want everyone’s secrets.” Shuichi confessed easily, doubting this was news to literally anyone, “Kokichi can stop time, Kaito can stop being injured all the time, annnnnd I’ll know everything. Between the three of us, we’ll be the least useful superpower team-up ever.”

“You literally, actually have a super power, Shuichi.” Kaito reminded him dryly, “You literally remember everything. You revisit the days in your dreams! That’s a cool power all by itself. And Kokichi… you’re literally a king of an entire country. That’s gotta count as a super power by itself.” 

Kokichi snorted. “Okay, I’ll admit, that’s a good one. Both for you, and for me so I’d never have to worry about you getting hurt...physically, anyway. I could live in a world where Kai-chan never has to go to the medical wing.”

And...yeah. The imbalance that made Kokichi uncomfortable...he knew wouldn’t be a dilemma in the slightest for Shuuichi. Shuuichi would eagerly absorb every piece of information he could find. It was endearing, but...oh man did Kokichi not want it for himself. 

Nodding a bit as he added another room to the mansion, Kokichi offered his boyfriend an earnest smile before looking amused at Kaito. “Shuu-chan totally does have superpowers, but...I mean, I’m not king yet. And I’m not sure it’s even a power. Unless having the most used postal address is what you’d measure a superpower by.”

Kaito frowned, a little uncomfortable with that response. He...really didn’t know if Kokichi actually didn’t have power as the future leader of the country, or if his husband was being modest, or being… maybe a little naive. Kaito really didn’t understand Dicea enough to make a judgement call on that. To people like Kaito, who’s life literally changed completely based on the whims of leaders like Aiichi and his father, Kaito felt like Kokichi’s future power was… pretty absolute. If not much more influential than the average person…

...and… finding out Aiichi had made the ‘request’ on… literally a ‘pie in the sky’ maybe, not actually needed, ‘doesn’t that sound like a nice idea??’ mindset…

Kaito tried not to think about it, too hard. He knew there was some part of him that was deeply… wounded by that idea. That he had left behind everything for… basically no reason… based on a ‘misunderstanding’...

Yeah. He tried not to think too hard about it.

He just hoped Kokichi wouldn’t just… accidently mess with people like that, on the assumption that he couldn’t influence that much to begin with. And Kaito was afraid to point that out, because, well… in the end, like almost everything, it was probably Luminary’s fault that had happened to begin with. If people as stupid and stubborn as Luminary hadn’t been involved in the treaty, Kaito wouldn’t have been sold. Just… yeah. That was how it was.

...ugh, he needed to not think about stuff like that. Drawing a card, he said, “Hey, look at that! An observatory! Okay, well… we can’t really remake the castle with these rooms, but if we were, I thiiink it’d be roughly… here.” Kaito grinned, putting the observatory to the top and to the right. “And… I’ve got a dog! Found a dog you guys. Heck yeah.”

“Teleportation would also be really helpful.” Shuichi pointed out in lieu of nothing.

“Teleportation would be so helpful.”

Despite all that they tried, Kokichi was well-aware that he wasn’t just an average person, and wouldn’t be once he took over leadership from Aiichi. People looked up to the leader, trusted them on the good faith of the Ouma name so...the leader would have a ton of influence. Even making small, ‘harmless’ comments could change things. 

And that was just personally. Considering the leader was the keeper of the castle, and that they could propose all sorts of policy changes to the country… Sure, it’d need a vote of the people, and anyone could propose policy, but...when Oumas spoke, people listened. They trusted them. 

Maybe trust was its own sort of superpower. 

“Teleportation would be insanely helpful,” Kokichi sighed in appreciation. “Especially if you could transport other stuff than just yourself? Trading costs would be, like...nothing. What it would cost to board someone in another place, or just paying a wage. And personally… You could travel anywhere you wanted, and still could sleep in your own bed at night. Nothing would be out of reach.”

“Eh, maybe that train thing your friend’s working on will be the next best thing.” Kaito  mused, watching Shuichi start to work on his turn.

As Kaito watched Shuichi put down a room-- ugh… graveyard. Creepy.-- his mind drifted back to the power discussions… something niggling at the back of his mind…

He chuckled, “Ya know, I think I made up a super power set not that long ago, when I was…” recovering from a small, midnight mental breakdown, “...daydreaming about stuff? Hear this out: Empaths.”

“Mmm… something to do with empathy?” Shuichi asked, looking over his card.

“Yeah, like, mind reading, but for… emotions? But more than that! You could, like… jump into peoples heads and stuff. See who they are as a person, but like its an environment? And… you could change people!”

“Like mind control?”

“No, no, like… like you don’t control them, you just fundamentally change them. As a person. You change who they are, not control their actions.”

“Sounds overpowered.”

“I mean…” Kaito paused, before shrugging, “Maybe? Could be a cool superhero though.”

“Sounds better suited for a supervillain, if I’m totally honest. Being able to change a person fundamentally is pretty alarming. What made you think of it?”

“I think I was… imagining if I was a werewolf? And that got me thinking of powers for Kokichi and… I think that eventually led to the empath idea.”

“Maybe,” Kokichi shook his head a little. “I still don’t really get how it’s any better than caravans, but...well, technology surprises you. Once she actually figures out how to do it, then I’ll start to believe.” Or continue to call her nuts. Miu was a genius, but like any genius she made more than a few duds. 

Kokichi leaned forward a little to better read what was written on the graveyard room, but he turned to Kaito with a raised eyebrow, feeling…

(...oh no. Not again…)

...odd. 

Tugging on his hair a little, Kokichi looked a little...worried. “I mean...I dunno if I’d ever use a power like that… It’s the same as how I felt about straight up mind reading and mind control… I’d like to think I could inspire people to change, but...taking that decision out of their hands feels...wrong.”

“...plus,” Kokichi added, smiling a little jokingly at his partners, “I’m really working on stopping trying to guess what you’re thinking and feeling. If I could do it for real? I’d be...way too tempted to check in on you guys all the time. I can imagine it’d get pretty overbearing.”

Leaning back against Kaito as he picked up a card to add to the mansion, Kokichi smirked, “Were you thinking about that coat the Kiginkos gave you? If werewolves did exist, I could see them being that size, about.”

“Even bigger! The coats all trimmed down. You don’t have the legs, the lower torso, the tail...add all of that and you easily have another few feet.” Kaito bragged cheerfully, weirdly pumped by the idea. He had no idea why. Sometimes he looked at that coat and kinda got the willies… and other times he looked at it and thought ‘damn, but that’s a sexy coat. Fucking look at that thick fur. Look at it shine.’

With, like… a weird amount of personal pride in the sentiment. Like he was checking himself out in the mirror or something.

“I think being a werewolf, as far as supernatural magical creature? Would be super cool! They’re strong, they run in packs, their natural senses are crazy strong too, like, they can smell for miles-”

“Sounds inconvenient. I wouldn’t want to be able to smell everyone’s toilets.” Shuichi said, exploring a room.

“Well, fine, which supernatural thing would you be?”

“Mmmmm… I dunno… vampires have a lot of benefits to them.” Shuichi mused.

It was hard with blatant proof right in front of them, but...Kokichi had a hard time imagining the wolf that coat had come from. It was just...so big. Sure, he didn’t have much of a size reference for wolves in general, but...that big? Really?!

Kokichi sighed a bit, shaking his head. “I would hate never eating garlic again… Or going out in the sun. I’d miss the sun way too much. And, well...the whole blood thing kinda breaks it for me from the start, doesn’t it.” He shuddered a bit, sticking his tongue out. “I really don’t know if I’d ever get used to it.”

“...I think fairies are kinda cool,” Kokichi decided, finding a pair of garden shears, apparently a weapon in this game. “They can do all sorts of magic, they can fly, and...I think the only drawback is they have to be polite? Though, the stories around that differ a lot.”

“...not a Swamp Thing. The swamp was really cool, but I don’t wanna live there. Or be made of plants.”

“You’re really good at being polite and also a little shit though, Kokichi. Like… you literally did that for fun, when we got here.” Kaito pointed out… before smirking, “Also, you’re the right size.”

Kokichi pouted, softly elbowing Kaito in the side. “Rude. You’d never hold up in fairy court. Banished outside the mushroom rings for one million years!”

“...do you… Well, I guess I know your answer, Shuu-chan,” he nodded to his boyfriend, “Since you dream your days over… But have you ever dreamed about flying? I...think I have… In a few different ways. One where I was just floating, and one...I think I was holding onto a giant bird. For some reason I think Chase was there too…”

Shuichi laughed, “You do know my answer, yes. Trust me, you’d both know if I missed a night of remembering. It really weirded me out that last time that happened.”

“Oh, man, are we talking dreams? Guys, I dream constantly. Like, seriously constantly. Weird, freaky, vivid dreams.” Kaito said, grinning, a little pleased to actually have an opportunity to talk about some of his nighttime visions. Like Temp, he was of the mindset that dreams weren’t particularly fun to share… but that was just casually. If they came up in natural conversation? All bets were off!

“Dreams about floating, flying and birds… and Chase, huh? You remember any of them more vividly than that?” Kaito asked Kokichi, genuinely curious, “Ya know, there’s some people out there who think dreams have some greater meaning… I don’t buy into that myself, but…” Kaito frowned. Woah. Dejavu… had they talked about this before? He couldn’t recall.

Kokichi nodded encouragingly, excited to see enthusiasm on Kaito’s face. “The few dreams you’ve told me about sounded really wild… Kai-chan’s brain sounds kinda like a wonderland of imagination.”

“Though…” he scratched his cheek a little. “...I think just the one about hanging out in the yard after Miya’s born was the most I’ve remembered one recently… There wasn’t very much about it to remember though.”

Kokichi shrugged a little bit. “I think there could be a little truth to it--like...yanno, stress dreams happen when you’re stressed out. But the actual content of them I don’t think have any greater meaning. It’s just a mishmash of everything you’ve ever seen and imagined in your life slamming together in new ways.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, just comfortable against his husband. “I never thought I dreamed much...but lately I’ve been dreaming a lot more, I think. Sometimes it feels like almost every night.”

(Byakuya.)

(Oh, fuck, that’s right… Kaito had told Kokichi about the Byakuya dreams… fuck, why had he done that!? That was… so fucking gross, why had he thought that was a good idea!?)

Kaito felt a small twitch in his temple as he remembered a particularly embarrassing memory, a small bead of sweat forming at his brow as Kokichi laid against him… ugh… he couldn’t believe he told Kokichi about that, that was so stupid… but laughed as he said, “Babe, I know you don’t remember your dreams very often, but I can assure you, you dream constantly. Wanna know how I know this? Because you become a little escape artist when you’re dreaming… that or a total leach. You literally chew on things when you’re dreaming about food, ‘Kichi. You’re one of the most active sleepers I’ve ever met.”

Kokichi knew that he sometimes ended up on the wrong side of the bed, or on top of one of his partners, but this was the first time he’d heard about...eating? Kokichi opened his eyes, looking up at Kaito in total surprise. “What, really? Geez...maybe that’s why I wake up with a sore jaw sometimes… I just thought I was grinding my teeth or something…”

“...I’d assume you’d tell me, but I haven’t, like...hurt you guys or just been generally uncomfortable in bed, have I?” Kokichi asked. At the very least these days he knew he couldn’t really roll on top of Shuuichi. “Though...I don’t really know what to do about it if I was… I think I’d be more likely to just hurt myself if we tied me up in bed.”

“I always sleep through everything. I’ve never seen half the things Kaito claims you do, and this is the first I’ve heard of chewing too.” Shuchi said, raising an eyebrow at Kaito.

“I swear he does it. I’ve pulled blankets out of his mouth, watched him chew on the pillow case, watched him chew on your shirt sleeves, Shuichi.You don’t really drool, when you do it? Shuichi’s our drooler. But you’ll chew and, like… suckle sometimes? I assume when you’re dreaming about drinking something or something. It’s not like you do it every night, but man, I have taken so many things out of your mouth, babe.” Kaito laughed, shaking his head. 

And, considering Kokichi’s question, “...I mean, you wake me up a lot, but I don’t actually mind it. It can be kind of fascinating and cute, watching what you’ll do. As for the leaching thing, like… you weigh less than a hundred pounds, babe. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you’re not about to squish either of us any time soon.” Kaito chuckled, putting his arm around Kokichi’s waist and squeezing him into a hug, “You’re gonna be so cute to watch sleep with the baby… I’m worried about that, personally. I’m a bigger guy, if I roll on top of her… I don’t think I’m in the habit of doing that, but it’d be bad.” Kaito said, his own expression tensing a little.

Though after a thought, he said, “Though, considering how easy I wake up? Hopefully I’d be up and off her before it becomes an issue… still, ugh.”

Kokichi sighed, resigned to the new knowledge that pretty much anything that was on their bed had probably ended up in his mouth at some point. It was gross, but...Kaito taking things away from him was probably about as much of a safety protocol as they were going to get. 

But even if he was small...Kokichi still worried about being too active with the baby. Maybe...he should limit their sleeps together to naps, at least while she was quite young…

A short sigh. “Maybe, at least for seeing how it goes, we could sleep sitting up a little while we hold her? I think it’d be way harder to roll around like that. We gotta...make super, super sure to support her neck… Little baby muscles completely skipped the neck and focused on the hands.”

...it was weird. Kokichi was worried, of course, about the fragility of their newborn daughter, but… Some part of him was far less worried than he thought he’d be. What a...bizarre thing to completely skip over his anxiety. 

“Awww…. Little powerful baby hands...little chubby baby fingers… dumb little head that rolls around if ya let it…” Kaito grinned, eyes practically sparkling, “Awwwww… she’s gonna be so itty bitty and were gonna have to be so careful with her… till she’s big enough to beat us up…”

“But she won’t because we’ll teach her better than that.” Shuichi said dryly.

“But she won’t because we’ll love her to itty bitty pieces and she won’t want to, no she won’t, no she won’t~.” Kaito coo’d, tapping against his knees a bit, clearly just enchanted by the mental image of their daughter as he said, “She’s never gonna stab me.”

“Probably.” Shuichi added in easily, “Maybe.”

“Don’t jinx me man I’m half and half when it comes to ‘family members stabbing me’. Miya not stabbing me will tip the scales to less stabbed rather than more.”

“She’s gonna be so happy when she gets taller than me,” Kokichi sighed, resigned to that future. “But until then...she’s gonna be so cute and little. Still cute when she’s bigger, though.” Because even when she was in her forties, her sixties, she was always going to be his daughter. 

And...ideally, they’d give her enough tools to figure out her morality, and it wouldn’t be along the lines of hurting people if they upset her. Where the lines of hurt and when it was okay to lash back were...going to be up to her. Hopefully they could give her some ideas of what options looked like though. 

...Tim and Maki were...more understandable, but...knowing how much family Kaito had? It made...Kokichi uncomfortable enough not to ask about any other members. 

“I’d be more in favor of her not stabbing you too, in my bias of the ‘hasn’t stabbed Kai-chan’ camp,” Kokichi declared, moving his character around the mansion after hitting a dead end. “Though, I’d be quite happy if she ended up never stabbing anyone at all.”

“I also haven't stabbed Kaito,” Shuichi said, not really thinking that the whole ‘submission bow’ incident counted. “But, I don’t know… if Miya and Kokichi won’t stab you? I might take a nick at you just to keep things even.”

“It wouldn’t be even! I’d end up more stabbed than not stabbed!”

“Speaking of which, I have another knife you guys. Kokichi, Kaito, do you both have weapons?”

Kaito checked his cards… “No? I have a dog.”

“Try to meet up with me, I’ll give ya knife.”

“I’m gonna try to keep exploring this way… Our omen percentage is pretty high, but...I think it’s better to have more rooms when the second stage hits? Or do you keep adding rooms then anyway…”

Kokichi looked over the manual again, trying to understand the finer rules of the game. 

“...Chase hasn’t stabbed you. So that’s another point on ‘not stabbed’. A dog with a knife would be a very scary thing...but Chase is a very good girl. Even if she had a knife, I don’t think she would stab you.”

“She might threaten me to play tug of war with her. That dog loves tug of war.” Kaito chuckled, though on reflection, “She doesn’t play it with the kids very often. But man, any toy I touch with her, I can’t get her to give it up without a fight.”

“I think once second stage hits, that’s it for the rooms. Double check for me, but I believe I remember reading that.” Shuichi said, looking over his own cards too. “I think we have maybe one omen left? Then we’ll see which villain we get.”

“Looks like you’re right...no rooms during second stage. Then the person who triggered the omen has to read a dang short story,” he snorted. 

“She likes playing fetch more with me…” Kokichi mused. “I think she just kinda knows she’d bowl me over if she seriously played tug-of-war with me. She doesn’t jump up on me like she does to you either--she just nudges my legs. Chase is a real smart dog.”

Kokichi let out a sigh of relief when the room he revealed didn’t have an omen icon on it. They were safe for one more turn.

Kaito chuckled, taking out another room-- basement, alright then-- before grabbing a card, as he said, “Chase is a smart cookie, I’ll give her that. Hopefully she’ll be just as good with the baby… this is an omen, isn’t it? I’ve found a riddle.” Kaito said, showing them the card.

Shuichi peered at it, murmured “damn,” to himself, before taking out the booklet of endings, looking it over… “Whelp. Read this, Kaito. You’re a dirty, filthy traitor now.”

“Really?” Kaito asked curiously, taking the manual and looking down at it. “I’m the bad guy?”

“Mhm.”

“Oh… Mu-WA-HAHAHAHAHA!”

After his maniacal laughter, Kaito read the thing again, before saying uncertainly, “Okay, I read this to you guys, right? There’s, like, a bunch of new rules now.”

Kokichi snorted a bit at Kaito getting into character, before he considered...what that meant for the game. “I think you tell us what villain you are, and, like...if there are restrictions on our actions? And if there’s anything specific that defeats you? ...may as well just read it to us, at that point…”

Taking a look at the board, Kokichi hummed. “Mmm… Shuu-chan’s in more danger, since Kai-chan was already heading towards him… I’m still revealing rooms, so if we need an item, I could go look for it easily. I hope that dagger comes in handy.”

“I have many daggers, by this point. Kaito’s just a loser with a dog.”

“Don’t talk shit about my dog! My dog could kick your old man ass!” Kaito huffed, Shuichi having picked the old man character, before looking over the ‘tomb’ as he said, “Alright, so…”

Kaito explained that the ‘ending’ was called ‘The Burning Sands’, and apparently, he was super horny to be a mummy… or something? “Or, I guess I was a mummy at some point, and I got nerfed, and now I’m just a guy with a dog… and a mission. Oh, and we gotta put some dice aside for you guys…”

They set up the second half of the game, Kaito telling them what they had to do to defeat him, but negotiating not having to say what his own winning circumstances were. And they started running through their turns.

“Poor dog,” Kokichi sighed. “Sticking with a grody mummy for a companion. You have to admire that kind of loyalty, but it’s pretty sad…”

Kokichi was...pretty sure he knew what to do to get his and Shuuichi’s winning condition, though it didn’t start out well for him, getting hit by one of the traps in the rooms and lowering his health points. But, after a bit, things seemed to be looking up!

Looking up from the board, Kokichi looked over his partners and sighed softly, resting his chin in his hands. “...I would hate having to fight against one of you guys if you went crazy and evil… I dunno if I could really do it, even if I knew it wasn’t really you anymore.”

Kaito had been in the middle of running for his second clue room, trying to get all the clues he needed to set his minions on them… when he frowned. Looking genuinely startled as he looked at Kokichi.

“Uh… are you… joking or?” Kaito asked, finishing his turn, as Shuichi laughed lightly, starting his. “You always handle it pretty well, beautiful.” 

Kokichi blinked, looking at Kaito in bewilderment. Why would he joke about that?! It was a really horrible thing, for, through whatever circumstance, but probably not something as fantastical as turning into, like, a zombie, someone to turn against the people they loved. It was heartbreaking, really, for both sides, even if the afflicted person didn’t comprehend it. 

...then Kokichi blinked again and went red. 

“...no, those...those don’t count. It wasn’t what I was talking about...shut up.”

Kaito laughed a little sheepishly, “Aw, babe, I’m not trying to embarrass you… but I mean… I mean, our experience could easily be an ending to this game. Crazy, plant based drug makes you evil and more, like, ‘kidnappy’ than normal?”

“Not to mention way more aggressive.” Shuichi murmured, moving towards Kokichi on the board.

“Yeah, and, like… that’s pretty weird.” Kaito admitted, “But, the more time goes by? I mean… it’s kind of an interesting story? Especially since you guys came to rescue me and stuff. You’re heroes in that story!”

...well...sure…

But even then Kokichi didn’t really...fight against Kaito. He got knocked out, was too caught up in his own doubts to help someone properly on a severe drug trip, then lost Kaito, then...just kind of sat there until they took Kaito home. It was difficult, emotionally, but...Kokichi didn’t really feel like he’d done much, let alone anything heroic. 

Still, Kokichi smiled a bit at his husband. “There’s no way we wouldn’t have at least tried to find you. I’m still just glad that you’re alright…”

Kaito grinned cheerfully, “Heck yeah I am! I’d have been screwed if you guys hadn’t come to get me. I’m the luckiest asshole in the world, babe, trust me. You guys absolutely saved me that day.”

“We were lucky Nadya stumbled upon Togami’s accomplice’s. And that Togami keeps poor company.” Shuichi mused, taking his turn. “He really didn’t think out that plan, apparently. Your boyfriends kind of stupid, Kaito.”

Kaito frowned at that, giving Shuichi an honestly hurt look, but just mumbled, “Wasn’t my boyfriend… hey!” He said, perking up, “My third clue! I get minions now! Ooooooh, ya’ll are in for it now.”

That entire day was just luck… Nadya being able to find Kaito in the first place, talking with those associates, Kaito being in relatively good shape when they found him, being able to stand against Togami…

...he’d heard that Byakuya had executed the guy. Kokichi hadn’t liked him, and what he did was horrible, but…

Gently, Kokichi rubbed Kaito’s leg, sympathetic in a quiet way, at least until Kaito got focused back on the game. 

“What?!” he cried, watching the board as Kaito placed minions around. “You can do that?! Shit…”

“Hell yeah I can.” Kaito grinned, looking upon his merry troops fondly. Alright… how to do this… a pincer move would be ideal, but it would really only work out on Shuichi, and would allow Kokichi entirely to escape. Kokichi might be persuaded to return for Shuichi when he sees he’s trapped, opening him up at, worst case scenario, a two versus one if Kaito can dispose of Shuichi fast enough, but… the war was lost if Kokichi made the smart decision to abandon Shuichi. Not something he might choose to do on his own, but Shuichi would likely argue in favor for it, and could probably convince Kokichi due to the nature of the war being, well… a game.

Three minions… pincer really was the best move, but it was too obvious. Ambush was riskier, but it’s reward would be higher. Make a show of having one more task needed that he’s sending his other two minions to accomplish, but send one minion after Shuichi, see if he can’t get Shuichi to panic? If Shuichi panics, Kokichi would come to the rescue, and the other two minions could box them in. Three versus two wasn’t ideal, but it was doable… okay…

Kaito blinked in a small bit of confusion, looking over the board, before he laughed sheepishly, “One second guys, I need to re-read the rules…” grabbing the tome and re-reading it over, his eyes glanced to the other side of the board, a far left corner, before he shot the tomb, “Alright! Leeeet’s go over here, buddy.” Kaito said cheerfully, moving one of his minions, the next ones turn immediately afterwords as he said, “annnnnd, you can follow him. Thirds coming after you, Shuichi! Get ready to use those daggers!!”

Shuichi gave Kaito a raised eyebrow and snorted, “Come and get me, then.”

Kokichi frowned slightly, looking at all their positions on the board. The minions made things tricky, but...all he and Shuuichi needed to do to win was kill the mummy. Defeating the minions might make that easier, but they were essentially non-targets. Kokichi probably couldn’t defeat Kaito’s character on his own...but there were a lot of chances to get items on the way to him. 

“Shuu-chan?” Kokichi asked. “I’m gonna keep heading towards Kai-chan, unless you think you need help? I can detour if you do, but it’ll be easier if I can manage to get some damage in before he groups up with his minions.”

There was no escape option, and the longer Kokichi tried to run and gather items, the easier Kaito would find it to get all his characters to engage him in combat. And one versus four was not gonna give him a chance. But...a one-v-one that turned into a two-v-one, that maybe finished before it turned into a two-v-three? That could work.

“Ha! Awww, poor Shuichi… I was wondering if our good partner would abandon you in the heat of battle.” Kaito teased, grinning wide at Shuichi, who gave him a dry look in response.

To Kokichi, Shuichi said, “‘l’ll be fine.” Shuichi reassured, “I think Kaito’s underestimating the, honestly, ridiculous amount of daggers I’m holding. Is this what it feels like to be Maki? No wonder she acts like she’s indestructible.”

“She doesn’t think she’s indestructible.” Kaito said sternly, furiously re-thinking. He could still try for it, but… Shuichi was confident. Even if that confidence was unearned, by the time he was ready to call for help, Kokichi might be too far to double back in time.  Kaito would rather not send his piece towards either of them, the minions could be lost, but if he went down, so did the war… damn. If only he had more men… he’d have too. He couldn’t lure them together, so he’d take advantage of the fact they were apart. Put all his minions together with himself, move as a group… though damn, he’d have to use another turn to just get back to his original positions… sigh. He’d just have to.

As he thought about all of that, he said, barely even thinking about it, his mind distracted, “You’re always saying that, handsome. She’s constantly working to protect herself. I’ve never known anyone more painfully, constantly aware how mortal she is… besides maybe Kokichi. Sorry, beautiful.” Kaito moved his minions, still talking off the top of his head, “I’ve always gotten the impression she just… never saw any other option. Hesitating or acting weak or afraid wasn’t gonna help her. Ya know?”

Shuichi sighed, “Yeah, yeah… yes, I know. I’m still half convinced that she’s half convinced of her own con though.”

It was...difficult when it came to Maki. She thought highly of her abilities, because she was constantly putting work into herself and did see results from it. She wasn’t always able to see the limits of her abilities, but it wasn’t as if she thought she could do everything alone, and she rarely hesitated to seek out appropriate help. 

Maki was responsible, but not infallible and...while she could recognize that, she didn’t always do it. 

Kokichi shrugged a bit, not taking offence to the truth that he was very aware of his mortality, though he looked at Shuuichi with a nod. “I mean, that’s literally how that works. If you tell yourself something long enough, or even if you hear it from other people, you start to genuinely believe it, even if it started out completely untrue. We become what we practice.”

“I dunno. I still think if she believed it she wouldn’t be so paranoid… admittedly, she does absolutely believe that she can successfully kill anyone she wants, like… whenever. Now that’s something I wish I could get out of her head. Tim’s too.” Kaito sighed, shaking his head, “It makes both of them more reckless than I’d like.”

“ I notice your minions aren’t heading to the corner anymore.”

“Misunderstood the rules.”

“Uh huh.”

“Yeah, she’s just… so convinced that the only thing keeping someone alive is her just not deciding to kill them. But man, it really is not enough to just, ya know… stab them or whatever. Poison them. High speed falls… electricity! It’s hard to kill a person. We’re crazy durable.”

“Luck has a lot to do with it.” Shuichi shrugged.

“It’s not as cut and dry as she makes her thought-process seem sometimes…” Kokichi softly admitted, feeling a little better about the upcoming fight because of his latest card, an energy drink that helped out his woefully low hit points. “But...anyone can kill anyone. You may not succeed at first, you may be stopped before you can, but...it’s a decision that everyone makes. Though, I’d...hope, at least, it’s not a conscious one for most people…”

“Luck and decisions… Each moment and decision in time a branch of every outcome in the universe…” Kokichi sighed. “People can end up influencing a surprising amount of their immediate lives, but...so much is out of individual control. Out of any control. You just gotta continue making decisions as things happen to steer as close to the path you want as possible.”

Kokichi frowned, counting the room tiles under his breath. “...I might only get...two turns of Kai-chan to myself if I roll well…”

“Well, just be careful, Kokichi. …” Shuichi peered at the board, before saying, “Actually? Maybe don’t be careful. Go kill Kaito, I’ve drawn the minions pretty deep into this room. They’re gonna kill me, but you can probably take him down before he can get reinforcements.”

“What? No, don’t do that! Ah, geez… this went tits up fast.” Kaito murmured, glaring at the board. “Were you drawing me in on purpose?”

“I didn’t have to. You just didn’t commit to your idea and we didn’t stop you.”

“That’s not fair… you guys are conspiring against me! At least I have my dog.” Kaito pouted… though he thought about it, “That’s an interesting thought. That everyone’s making the decision to kill or not kill someone. I mean, I guess it’s true, but it’s a weird way to think about it… the choice branch thing too. You’ve been philosophising, ‘Kichi?”

“Try to philosphise and murder mummy’s at the same time.” Shuichi advised, on his third glass of water, chewing on some mango.

Kokichi nodded solemnly, bowing his head to Shuuichi for a moment. “Your sacrifice will not be in vain and will not be forgotten. I’ll live on with all our wishes.”

Though, as he moved his character, Kokichi shrugged a little bit. “A little, I guess? We end up talking about philosophy a lot in my therapy sessions, but… I dunno. It doesn’t come out of nowhere… For the last...few months, I guess, sometimes I just...wake up with weird ideas. Mostly philosophy.”

Kokichi shrugged again. “I dunno. Maybe after having such a wildly skewed view for so long, I’m constantly trying to think about things on a larger scale… Or trying to see other perspectives, at least.”

“Mmmmmm…” Kaito mused, looking at the board… was there anything he could do by this point… maybe he’d be lucky, and the minions-- well, the two remaining ones-- could take Shuichi out next turn and would get back in time to help him if he moved towards Shuichi, forcing Kokichi to chase. Maybe… depended on what items Kokichi had… hmmm…

“...” Kaito suddenly snorted. Giving Kokichi an incredulous look. “You’ll live with all our wishes? What kind of weird reassurance… what does that even mean?”

Kokichi blinked, looking up at Kaito in surprise. “It means you’ll never be forgotten after you die. Not just the concept of ‘you’, but...what you lived for, and what you hoped to accomplish. Even just a passion. The person who carries your wishes, your will, on, is...in a way, promising to not just live for themself, but for the deceased too.”

“It’s...a fairly common thing to promise someone you were very close with. It’s a very deep, intimate vow…” Kokichi tugged his hair a little. “...what sort of things do you promise a passed loved one in Luminary? Or...what you say to respect the dead.”

“Really?” Kaito said, grinning sheepishly, not having realized he had sort of stepped into something more than a cute ‘Kokichi-ism’. Good fucking job, Kaito… “Ha. That’s nice… wishes huh? A… very sweet saying. So poignant…”

“We don’t say anything.” Shuchi said simply. 

Kaito nodded his head enthusiastically… before realizing that might not come across quite right. So he quickly explained, “Silence is considered respectful. Speaking of the dead, for them, about them… you can do it in private, but not in public, and if you’re particularly close to the people, you don’t say anything for the rest of the day… I fucked that up.” Kaito admitted softly, shrugging a little, a far away look on his face. “When my parents died? I… I… just was overwhelmed. And it’s not like it really hurts anything. It’s a tradition thing, but it’s not like everyone strictly adheres to it.”

“We do have a day where we openly discuss in public everyone who died. Again, in private, you can all you want, but in public, it’s a national holiday thing. But funerals in Luminary are people laid on stone slabs and observed in silence.” Shuichi said, “And then they’re burned.” 

At first Kokichi was confused, a little shocked that Luminary would do...nothing? To honor their dead? But Kaito cleared it up quickly, and purposeful silence was very different than doing nothing. 

“Oh! ...oh…” Kokichi winced a little as Kaito talked about his parents’ deaths. He knew he hadn’t been the spur to break Kaito’s respectful silence that day, but...even if things had been...completely different, he would’ve tried to talk to Kaito about it. It was common in Dicea to often talk about people who died--even if Kokichi himself tended to avoid it--trying to keep their memories alive by sharing stories and tidbits. 

It was a cultural difference that Kokichi found more interesting than alarming. 

Nodding slightly, Kokichi explained, “Ah… Cremations aren’t open to the public, but some people decide to invite greater family or friends if they choose to scatter the deceased’s ashes. But...for funerals, they’re usually...kinda like parties? To celebrate the life of the person, and share as many stories about them as you can. Some people, especially in a few different common religions here, will make a small shrine for the first year of someone’s death and leave offerings on it. It’s...one of the greatest signs of compassion, if you visit someone you know and you knew the person who’s passed, to share something small about your time together if you see their shrine. Like...mentioning that their favorite drink in the cafe you used to go to together is back in season. Stuff like that.”

“That sounds nice.” Kaito said, genuinely meaning it… though he wasn’t certain how he felt about the idea of having a shrine made up of him for a year, if he died here… when he died here.

Phew. That’s a weird thought. He’d come back to that later… like, probably in the middle of the night while he was trying to fall asleep. No doubt.

“I feel like we didn’t really answer his question though… that idea of ‘living’ for someone? I’m trying to think, but… do we have any sayings like that?” Shuichi asked, looking a little confused, “I’ve never had someone close to me die… well, not as an adult, anyway. I can’t really think of what I would say as like… something to reassure them they’d be remembered?”

“We’ll get vengeance on the bastard that did this to you?” Kaito grinned.

“What if they tripped on a chain and hit their head?” Shuichi countered back.

“That chair is going down.”

Shuichi laughed at that a little, but… “I really can’t think of anything. Maybe we just don’t think about it like that?”

“You can promise to uphold their vows in their honor.” Kaito pointed out, Shuichi pausing at that before slowly nodding his head, “If they have people they were looking after, or responsibilities and duties left unfinished? You can take them onto yourself. That’s one I’ve heard a few times… Diceans really love to party. Between all the festivals and your rituals and stuff. You guys really like to dance.”

There was something...bracing, in knowing that your whole community was behind you when you were grieving, and knowing that you’d be missed and remembered and still cared about when you were gone. But...Kokichi could see how the privacy might be nice too. To be allowed to grieve in private, and not have that pain brought up every time you went out or had someone over. 

They both were just...different ways of coping, he supposed. 

And...from what he knew about Luminary culture, he wouldn’t be surprised if the sentiment of living for someone was left to spontaneous, individual words. Avenging someone seemed much more like their style. 

But, there was something sort of close. 

“I see… That’s similar, in a way…” Kokichi hummed, before he snorted softly, rolling his dice for an attack. “And aren’t you telling me… I think people just like any excuse to celebrate. Sometimes it feels kind of excessive, but...I mean, people being happy isn’t something to shit on, yanno?”

“Of course… which is why Kaito should be happy that I am happy to have killed two of his minions now.” Shuichi smiled, incredibly pleased with himself.

“How are you still alive? They’ve hit you so much!”

“That cursed dagger is really working out for me.”

“Man, that prediction thing is not working out for me at all. There’s no point in me seeing your cards anymore… though there was a point a few moves ago, and I just straight up forgot I had this card… lost all these defenses from it… ya know what!  Just to say I used it.” Kaito pouted, looking over to Kokichi, “I’m gonna use my card on you, ‘Kichi. What are you hiding.”

Things were really looking up! Shuuichi might make it out of this yet!

Sighing, Kokichi laid down his cards. “I have my backpack and garden shears, I had an energy drink that I used to restore my health, a flashlight to get a plus one to room trap rolls, aaaaaaand…”

Kokichi grinned. “A lucky stone. I can re-roll any roll I want, once.”

“You’re done, Kaito.” Shuichi laughed.

“Shut up! Never say die! Gonna sic my dog on you.” Kaito grumbled. One minion left… “Shuiiiiichi… are you gonna die yet?”

“We’ll see.”

“Ugh… fuck it. One versus one! Man versus man! Prince battle! Bring it on, Kokichi, I aint running from you anymore!” Kaito said, turning his piece back at Kokichi’s piece.

Kokichi giggled, nudging his piece right up against Kaito’s despite the fact that they simply had to be in the same room. “Let’s dance, then!”

Kokichi didn’t know Kaito’s health pool, but as long as he kept chipping away, he’d get somewhere. The game was at its last moments, and Kokichi was determined to bring victory!

In reality, it was a series of dice rolls, pretty quick, on after another.

In board game world: 

Kaito the MUMMY LORD, with his faithful companion, DOG, turned and faced his once trusted companion, Kokichi the GUY WITH THE BACKPACK… AND A LUCKY STONE! AND SHEARS! Probably a weapon! 

As Kaito lashed out, in the background, Shuichi fought valiantly, bloodied and tired and NOT GOING DOWN, two minions at his feet and the other in front of him staggering. Shuichi didn’t expect to live through this, but dammit, he might take ALL THREE OF THEM WITH HIM!

Roll

A dodge! The dog does nothing! Barks and wags its tail! 

Roll

 Shears in his side! “Gah!” Kato gasped dramatically, “You bastard!”

“This is self defence! You’re trying to kill us!” Kokichi insisted. “You were once our friend, now gone and replaced with something that should’ve remained dead. I’ll free you too, Kai-chan!”

Roll

Kokichi grimaced as he moved his hit points down again, swatted by the mummy’s claws.

“HA HA HA HA! The Kai-Chan you knew was a lie! Because I’m a GREAT actor! Don’t laugh, Shuichi!” 

Shuichi coughed, looking away politely. 

Roll

Shuichi put up a valiant fight… but at the last tackle into his stomach, he coughed again, clutching his trusty cursed dagger to his chest, knees shaking as he struggled to stand, even though he knew he was done.  Nothing but his pride keeping him to his feet… and with a smirk, his cursed dagger started glowing-

“Here, check it out.” Shuichi said, showing them the card, “Whoever kills me dies.”

“THATS WHY YOU WERE OKAY WITH ME COMING AFTER YOU!”

“Was really hoping you’d commit.”

Shuichi let out a gargled, dying gasp, but kept to his feet, right up until the minion fell to his feet… and smirking, proud of his victory, he collapsed, with a small “Kokichi-” on his dying exhale.

“What, not me?”

“You literally killed me.”

“Still.”

“Shuuuuuu-chaaaaaaaaaan!!” Kokichi stage-wailed, shaking his head up at the sky. “My beloved...taken from this world too soon, too unjustly… A scheme up his sleeve until the very end...my Shuu-chan…”

With a huff, Kokichi rolled his next attack. “At least with your death, I know my beloved Kai-chan and Shuu-chan will be reunited in the afterlife. Before I make my way there myself, I’ll ensure this!”

“What happened to saving me!?”

“You killed me.”

Roll

“Ha! You missed!” Kaito crowed! Which, thank god, cause he only had two points left…

“I’ll use my stone and roll again.”

Kaito’s face tensed, shoulders rigged. Watching the dice fall, Shuichi in the background enjoying a handful of nuts, Kokichi and Kaito holding their breath as the dice tapped against the table-top…

Kaito clutched his heart, “NO! I WAS SO CLOSE! My DESTINY! MY GLORIOUS PURPOSE! My dog! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…. G-gah! Blegh! Ghg!”

As Kaito laid back on the whicker couch, slumped over, tongue out and, just, so dead, Shuichi glanced up, “You won then, Kokichi?”

Kokichi sighed, looking forlorn but resolute as he slowly moved his character out of the mansion. “Technically, the explorer team won, but yes… At what cost, though? My lovers, gone from this world… I must go on, but things will never feel the same. That void in my heart will never truly be healed…”

Sitting back up… Kaito lit up, “Do I get laid in the trials?” He asked Shuichi hopefully.

“Not bonded. You’re on your own.”

“Damn. That’s right.” Kaito frowned, “Gonna have to fix that.”

“...” Shuichi gave Kaito a mildly startled look. But didn’t say anything, as Kaito stretched his arms over his head. 

“Alright… that was fun, but who’s tired?”

Kokichi gave Kaito a look as well, but...he just smiled slightly. He knew that Kaito felt the same way about Shuuichi as he did. Maybe one day the climate would be right for Kaito to make a proposal too...though getting bonded might mean more to the both of them. 

Taking a breath, Kokichi sat back from the game and...really realized how tired he was, once he was no longer distracted. “Mmm...I think I could use a nap… Though I kinda wanna nap down here--we’re already set up, and everything…”

Kaito put his arms around Kokichi, kissing at the side of his head a few time, before murmuring, “Yeah? I don’t mind that idea… Shuichi?”

“Mmmm… yeah, I suppose I don’t mind.” Shuichi shrugged, leaning back in his own lounger, stretching out on it a bit as he said, “Though, I insist we go to bed properly at some point.”

“Mmmm,” Kaito hummed in appreciation, kissing at Kokichi’s hair now. Just entirely indulging himself by covering his husband in affection, “Alright then. Let’s chill out and nap for a few hours, then I’ll clean up down here and bring you guys back up. Maybe not in that order.”

Even with all the snacks, they probably should have dinner proper later...but that was a later issue. For now, Kokichi just pressed himself into Kaito’s kisses, hugging his husband loosely around his waist, and would soon lie back, not caring about lounging around in his swimshorts as he fell asleep. 

-

The next time Kokichi woke up in his mind-scape, it wasn’t from his nap in the castle basement parlor. While the royal thruple did spend the latter half of the afternoon and a bit of the evening down there, they did end up coming up for dinner and a few miscellaneous things before heading up to their room to sleep for real. 

And when he ‘woke up’, despite having quite serious plans with his mentor, the first thing Kokichi did was put his face in his hands and groan. 

Akane and Kaito were the same, so of course… He’d been moderately worried about it after they’d sorted out who she was. Luckily Kaito was taking it as just...random thoughts coming from a dream, but...fuck. He needed to be more careful. At least until Temp told Shuuichi, and then...until Kokichi finally got the courage to tell Kaito. Whenever that would be…

If they weren’t already dealing with so much, Kokichi would be tempted to ask Hiro how he’d told his mom, but...well. Nothing about that whole situation, at least, was time sensitive, so...he had time to ask later. 

Uuuuuugh… Why couldn’t he just remember already…?

Kokichi only had a moment alone to lament his frequent on and off case of amnesia, when…

(*＾ワ＾*)

Two small people crawled out from under the bed, both of them taking a pant leg and heading up the climb, Chibi Kokichi making it up first, his movement quick and with a flourish, while Kaito practically kept hopping it from arm to arm, finally brute forcing his way to Kokichi’s knee!

♫♫!! Chibi Kaito called up enthusiastically to Big Kokichi. He was in a GREAT mood, personally, the date with Chibi Kokichi having gone really well, for being stuck in the bedroom! Wanting to show off what he had put for Chibi Kokichi together to Big Kokichi, Chibi Kaito pointed up at the top of the large book case, where if you squint, you could see the edges of… okay, somehow, Chibi Kaito had gotten his hands on miniature restaurant style furniture,  and had gotten a ton of flowers to line the top of the book case with, sort of like he and Chibi Kokichi had chilled out eating dinner at some sort of garden restaurant…there were even little candles...

Turns out, memories can take all sorts of symbolic shapes. If Kokichi touched any of it, he’d be flooded with almost entirely random memories… but, well, Chibi Kaito had to use what was available, dammit!

Kokichi looked up at the sound of little bells, his frustration melting away as he saw the doll-like versions of himself and his husband climb up his legs. Well...this was something he was going to have a hell of a time explaining when he did remember and told his partners...but it was something that Kokichi didn’t want to give up. Chibi Kaito was a comfort, and he was damn good at finding memories Kokichi struggled to pull. 

Giggling softly as he pulled the two Chibis closer, giving Chibi Kokichi a pat on the head and rubbing Chibi Kaito’s back gently, though he looked over where Chibi Kaito indicated, searching for a moment before his smile grew even wider. 

It was incredibly weird. 

But it made him very happy. 

“Wow, all that looks great! Nice work, Kai-chan! I bet you two had a really fun time today, huh? Big Kai-chan and I actually went out to eat today too.” Kokichi tilted his head to the side slightly, folding his legs so the Chibis had a place to sit against him. “I wonder if that does influence things in here…”

(╬ Ò ‸ Ó) What?? No! Big Kaito doesn’t get to take credit for Chibi Kaito’s awesome restaurant idea! There are, like, just straight up REAL restaurants out there in the waking world! They probably got hungry and that was what made Big Kaito think of it in the first place! Chibi Kaito did it for the ATMOSPHERE! And he had to make it himself! You know how many memories of flowers he had to find!?

While Chibi Kaito raged at the idea that Big Kaito was going to get credit for his efforts-- the tall jerk!-- there was a small, different ding sound, followed by a soft little meow sound.

Alter Ego was waiting at the door.

Kokichi grinned sheepishly, not wanting to have upset his tiny husband, though Chibi Kokichi just seemed to sigh and walked over to Chibi Kaito, taking his little, nubby hand and making soft bell noises, trying to placate him. And, while he didn’t know exactly what Chibi Kaito was incensed about, Big Kokichi was about to join his smaller counterpart before he perked. 

It was time. 

Not...exactly wanting to just shove the Chibis off his lap, Kokichi cleared his throat and spoke up. “Come in!”

Alter Ego, after a moment, just appeared, gaining solidity as they walked across the floor, before hopping up onto the bed, tail twitching as they said, “Good… I wanted to test how your lobby was developing. It wasn’t alerting you, last time I tried it… phew.” 

Alter Ego collapsed onto the bed, rolling onto his back, a small, purring groan escaping him, as he said, “I have been… in so many minds today… alllllllll just to be told to go ask the clown… I hope your day was less ridiculous.” 

Meanwhile, on Kokichi’s lap, Chibi Kaito was reacting adoringly to his small(est) husbands sweet-- if exasperated-- attempts to sooth him, shifting from foot to foot in an almost dance like style as they held hands, making this ---> ( ◜◒◝ )♡ ridiculous expression… but then he eyed Alter Ego mischievously, and gently pulling Chibi Kokichi off his larger counterparts lap, pulled him over to the cat.

Then, with a wide, wolfish grin, and a motion to ‘try this!’ he put his arms out wide, and face planted himself onto Alter Ego furry belly, causing the (in comparison) much larger cat to startle a little, before giving out a small warning hiss of, “Little Kaito…”

Chibi Kaito paid no heed,  just enjoying rubbing himself into the warm, soft fur. Yessss…. Like a big, breathing fluffy rug…

Kokichi’s eyebrows raised in surprise before relaxing into sympathy as Alter Ego collapsed on his bed. He...wasn’t exactly sure who ‘the clown’ was, but he definitely understood the toll of spending an entire day interfacing and not getting much for your efforts. 

Reaching over to scratch under Alter Ego’s chin, Kokichi gave his mentor a soft look. “Thank you for trying so hard for me… I had an alright day. I woke up with a headache, but I was fine later, and Kai-chan and I went out to eat. Then he, Shuu-chan, and I hung out in the hot tub and played a board game together… Kai-chan...remembers some of what I told Akane-chan, but...I think it all feels like a weird, vague dream to him. And Shuu-chan...I think… Well. I don’t know what’s causing it, but he’s slower at recalling information.”

Chibi Kokichi, while still exasperated at his husband’s antics...was a little enchanted. Cuddling with a giant cat… 

Worrying his tiny sleeves, Chibi Kokichi looked over at Alter Ego, giving them a slightly hopeful, pleading look.

...Oh, come on, that wasn’t fair. 

“...Little you is a cheat.” Alter Ego told Kokichi, before rolling his eyes and stretching out, “Alright, alright, go ahead. Don’t pull out any fur though.”

｡ﾟ( ﾟ^∀^ﾟ)ﾟ｡

(─‿‿─)♡

Chibi Kokichi cheered, giving Alter Ego a loving, thankful look with a little “Chuu~” before burying his face in soft cat belly, melting at the wonderful sensation. 

And Big Kokichi, who knew that he’d do the exact same thing if he came across a willing giant cat, just shrugged with a grin. “There are few things quite like burying your face in soft fur. At least he asked.”

“That’s true. Unlike your incredibly rude small husband.”

✿( ︶´⌣`︶)_╭∩╮

“Honestly, who does he get this from? Is Kaito this obnoxious in real life? He can’t have gotten it from my side of the defense… or, wait…” Alter Ego narrowed his eyes suspiciously, “...well, okay, maybe there’s some ‘sides’ of me that would be so rude… anyway!”

Still laying back while the chibi’s had their fun, Alter Ego looked up at Kokichi, saying, “So… long story short? There can be consequences to giving away pieces of your soul… but they’re not widely known, because it only happens if your soul pieces are incredibly stable. For instance, the piece I gave you, was extra energy, right? To boost your healing, make you more alert, just a general emergency pick me up that you have access to now. It’s not incredibly powerful, but I only gave you a very small piece… however. Considering you don’t remember giving your pieces away? There is… a possibility, that your ‘deep sleep’ self gave away much stronger pieces. Which can effect both you and the person you shared it with in much more serious ways… so we need to find out who has your pieces, and what those pieces are doing.”

“That was the first part of my day. The second part, was, okay… how do you track something like that down, if the person doesn’t remember? Shockingly enough? Not a common problem! Most people remember when they do something as serious as give a solid piece of themselves away, so people don’t look into the methods of tracking that link down. I asked four different people-- looooong winded people. Empaths love to talk, I swear-- and the final one finally said that the person best suited for finding niche little parts of the mind like that?”

Alter Ego sighed, “Mikado. I was told to visit the guy at the fake, party magic shop. Apparently he can help us.”

Kokichi sighed, but...well, he wasn’t truly annoyed at Chibi Kaito. His husband could be temperamental, teasing to an almost excessive degree, especially with people he didn’t...particularly like, but...hell. Maybe the bit of Chibi Kaito that came from Alter Ego, and thus Mondo just exacerbated that. As long as it wasn’t malicious--which Kokichi didn’t think it’d ever be--Chibi Kaito’s hijinx would be mildly exasperating at most. 

However, there were much more complex subjects to consider tonight. 

...if he gave a strong piece of himself away…

Kokichi frowned, worrying the hem of his shirt a little as he listened to Alter Ego. He didn’t...think he felt like a part of himself was missing. Really, just feeling so sick and in pain was the most of it… But…

(...could giving away pieces of himself affect his health long-term? Even with all the improvements Kokichi had been making for his health, would...it just not be enough? Had he doomed himself?)

Kokichi nodded slightly, taking the advice of seeing Mikado far more calmly than Alter Ego. “In fairness...Mikado’s probably more versed in regularly going into minds and seeking out...it’s not really personal information, but the kind of stuff that makes up who you are as a person. If others have suggested asking him, I bet he’ll at least be able to give us a direction to look.”

“...plus, he did ask to hear about the time I gave a piece of myself away,” Kokichi grimly grinned. “I guess I might finally be able to give him a story.”

“Alright. If you believe you are up to it tonight, let’s pay him a visit then…” Alter Ego looked down at his belly, where the two littles were still, just, going ham petting him now “...I guess in a minute.”

-

Mikado was, again, in his, honestly, just dope ass giant translucent lotis flower thing, the great watery expanse of his lobby still and beautiful around him, the vast, dark void stretching endlessly, looping back to this spot no matter where you ran too…

Alter Ego arrived on Kokichi’s shoulders, looking down at the water in distaste. “Why do so many minds bring in water, just… idly? All over the ground? Like it’s normal to just wade through water to get anywhere.”

Kokichi squared his shoulders as best he could, making sure Alter Ego had an easy platform to rest on as Kokichi walked on the water, gently sending out an intent to talk like he was scattering fish food into the...pond. Lake. Vague body of water. 

“Well...in some places of the world, it is. But...water can have a very calming presence to people, as well as it can be a sign of concealment or disaster… In a way, lives can very much revolve around water. I don’t think it’s that weird for mind metaphors to take it and run.”

“Entirely unreasonable. All metaphors should be comfy and dry… and allow me to fly.” Alter Ego pouted slightly, reaching out to the laws of this lobby, trying to insist solid clouds for kitty’s was an entirely reasonable thing to allow without Alter Ego having to push… tsk. No good yet…

Beneath Kokichi’s eet, at first dark and distant, swimming up from the bottom in slow, careful circles… before getting bigger and bigger…

Two of the massive koi fish remained beneath the water, preparing for the worst, while one pulled to the surface of the water, massive, staring inquizically at Kokichi… reading his offered intent…

Kokichi wouldn’t have felt it the first time, but with more experience? This time, he felt the small ‘ping’ run through him… Mikado’s defenses double checking the truth of his intentions. Searching for feelings of deceit or aggression…

After a moment, the fish burrowed again, the three fish dispersing. Within the lotus flower, Mikado opened his eyes.

In the next moment, the three empaths were sitting on the cliffside next to the top of a waterfall. They were sitting around a small, glass table, with a small vase and flower on it, small china plates all set down neatly. “Tea?” Mikado asked, already moving to fill their cups with the warm scent of oblong tea. “...or, maybe a bowl of milk?” he said, looking to Alter Ego.

“...I’m not against it.” The cat admitted.

“I could be happy with people allowing flying physics into their minds,” Kokichi hummed in agreement. His eyes widened slightly as he felt...feedback, he supposed. A defence acting as it should, both protecting and assessing the mind…

Kokichi smiled softly at Mikado, giving a nod. “Tea would be lovely, thank you. And thank you for seeing us tonight, Mikado. I hope you’ve been doing well.” 

It was...a little weird. While Kokichi was comfortable with Alter Ego and Temp, setting up what was essentially an impromptu meeting with someone he’d only met twice was...a little daunting. Kokichi felt the urges to bring up the prince in him, but...Empaths clearly had a way of doing these things. Ways that...likely would feel a little too immediately familiar but...this would be a learning experience in more than one way.

“We were hoping to talk to you about...a kinda niche subject? I think...really, anything you know about it would be helpful…” Kokichi glanced to Alter Ego for a little guidance. “About giving away pieces of yourself? And...maybe how to track those pieces down?”

Mikado’s face beneath the mask gave Kokichi a mildly exasperated, slightly startled look… but his mask snickered, giggling in amusement as he said, finishing pouring the tea and, with a wave of his hand, a small bowl of warm milk for Alter Ego, “Did you… I apologize, let me make certain I understand this right… did you, when you gave away pieces of yourself, not know what that meant?”

Alter Ego’s ears went back a little, his jaw only a little covered in milk now as he said, “Don’t tease, and don’t pretend you didn’t know that. You’re more than aware Kokichi’s only started learning Empath abilities this year, and that his memories make his learning difficult.”

Mikado chuckled a little, waving his hand dismissively before taking a sip of his tea, “Apologies, I just tease. I did… suspect, more than I knew. I assumed if you ever came back to tell me about the soul sharing, you’d know what you wanted to ask. And if you didn’t, then it never became an issue to begin with. So…” another sip of his tea, “Do you know what you wanted to ask?”

Alter Ego glanced at Kokichi, saw the somewhat uncertainty on his face, and said, “...Kokichi had an alarming experience… did you feel, yesterday, when he pulled someone from their consciousness, into someone else's?”

Mikado’s eyes widened, before saying uncertainly, “...no?”

“Exactly. Alarming. And… involuntary. We think it has to do with sharing souls, and to confirm it, and prepare for it in the future, we need to know who Kokichi’s been giving pieces of himself too.”

“...Really… interesting.” Mikado sipped at his tea, before looking to Kokichi, “Anything to add to that? My prince?”

Kokichi pouted a little because...well, of course he didn’t know what it meant! He hadn’t even been aware he was doing it! That was the whole problem! 

...it was a problem. 

Sighing, Kokichi nodded before...pausing. Looking a bit uncomfortable. “Um… You don’t need to use the title stuff… You can just call me Kokichi, if you want…”

“But...yeah. If it was, just...one and done, something I could clap my hand off of, like giving someone a bandage, I don’t think I’d care too much about who I gave pieces to. I might be curious, sure, but it wouldn’t really matter.” Kokichi frowned a bit, his brow drawing in. “...but that’s not what giving a piece of yourself to someone is. And...if I’ve haphazardly attached myself to people without either of our consents or understanding… That’s bad on its own, and I don’t even know what kind of stuff might happen because of it.”

“I don’t want to think that giving those pieces were mistakes...like I’d want to take them back, if that would even be a thing. But...I need to know what I’ve been doing, to who, and how it’ll affect us. So...I can plan around it.”

Kokichi sighed, taking a sip of his tea as he gave Mikado a dry look. “Like doing crazy acts of power and bringing people from consciousness to consciousness like I’m leading a damn parade.”

Mikado laughed at that, this one less subtly mocking, more genuinely amused as he said, “That’s incredibly fair. Mind you, if this is what you’re capable of idly… what you’d be capable of with training and concentrated effort… I mean training beyond just ‘controlling’ your powers.” Mikado said quickly, as Alter Ego gave an offended little growl, “Perfecting them. Experimentation… with your abilities, you could likely invent abilities empaths didn’t know we had…”

Alter Ego gave the fool a dry look, before saying, “But that’s not what we’re doing.”

Mikado siiiighed… before clapping his hands together. Tea cup suddenly gone, as he said, “Alright! Now, I can’t say I’ve ever tried this myself… because I can’t. It’s beyond my scope. But, in theory, I do know how we can work out who has what, the effects it’s having, and we can make some decisions about what to do with that information. Follow me.”

He said this, but within th net second, they were now at the bottom of the waterfall, standing at the point where the falling tides met the rippling, bubbling lake, the roar of the waterfall both ever present, and yet somehow not overpowering their ears, as Mikado walked along the waters surface, looking over Kokichi… before looking up.

After a moment, Alter Ego, on a cloud, floated down to meet them. “Suitable?” Mikado asked.

“Thank you.” Alter Ego said, safely above the water, before asing, “So, what does he need to do?”

“He’s going to send out an intent as far as he can, that no one will be able to hear.” Mikado said, looking to Kokichi, “No one but you, is meant to be the recipient to the intent. And then, if these pieces really are as strong as you suspect they are, to the point where they ‘parade’ without your consent? ...those pieces of your soul are still empaths. If they hear your call? We wait for them to respond.”

Too late on that one. Maybe when they revealed the process to the Empath community, Mikado would get a little smug, knowing that he’d called it. 

But that was a long time coming, and...well, it was looking like Kokichi had a lot of other things to work on as well. 

Kokichi smiled slightly at the roar of the waterfall, the sound associated with pleasant memories for him, and...okay. He could do this. Closing his eyes, Kokichi...reached forward. And forward. And forward. Letting out a whisper just for himself...like a message in a locket or a time capsule. 

He didn’t let himself feel the fear of seeing Tom again, especially when the teen wanted nothing to do with him after their last confrontation. He didn’t let himself get nervous about...anyone else who might show up, pieces that had been gone from him longer than he’d had them. 

Kokichi just...whispered out his intent. Calling to his pieces to respond. 

-

Katsuki’s eyes widened. This...didn’t feel like an opportunity. 

But she still followed it, silently making her way around the castle until she was right above the princes’ bedroom window. It was far and beyond rude to enter, but...Katsuki just had the feeling (compulsion) that...she needed to be here right now. Needed to be near. 

There was a part of her that could get closer.

-

Changelings were...interesting. And Katsuki even more than that. 

The being that looked back at the trio of proper Empaths just blinked. Looking like they were made of mirrors, but this one...was not as faceless as Changelings tended to be. Not simply becoming whatever those in front of them wanted. This one had a distinct form, and while the reflective, jagged form was startling...there was only one person it could be. 

Kokichi’s eyes widened. 

“Katsuki-chan?”

Mikado and Alter Ego both looked… more than a little unnerved as a person made of reflective glass formed, and while Alter Ego gave Kokichi a concerned look, uncertain if this was dangerous or not, Mikado tapped his chin, interested. “Hmmm… this is a new one for me, I’ll admit... “ looking at the form-- maybe a woman?? Maybe. It was too bulky to really tell-- he said, “Katsuki… welcome to my mind. My name is Mikado Sannoji, that is Alter Ego,” He said, gesturing to the cat on the cloud, “and you apparently know Prince Kokichi Ouma. Thank you for answering the call.”

-

Technically, Tom had a curfew. He was supposed to be within the ‘cabin’ after night fall. For his own good, he’s been reminded over and over. There was no reason for him to be out in his parameters after light fall, and staying out there tempted the local wildlife to come mess with him… and while it was technically strictly forbidden, it tempted the curious locals too. 

Tom wasn’t afraid of any of them. He was chilling out on the roof, watching the moon, when… he twitched…

...it was a little like the feeling of knowing Itch was calling for him. He was expected to be somewhere. Where…

-

Tom blinked, looked around… “Oh… seriously?” Tom murmured to himself, shaking his head, genuinely exasperated as he saw what was around him. He didn’t actually ‘remember’ what happened yesterday, but he got a serious sense of not only dejavu, but also, like, a vague feeling of being mildly offended…

...the glass person was pretty weird.

So was the cat on the cloud, for that matter.

Oh, and he was standing on water… under a waterfall… nowhere near the cabin… would this count as an escape attempt? Huh. 

(“Be calm. These are friends.”)

(Shut the fuck up.)

The glass being...grinned. Katsuki did a sort of friendly salute to Mikado, looking quite casual and comfortable for being made of mirror shards. “Hello Mikado Sannoji! Thank you for having me in your mind--I am Katsuki Okuniji.”

“And because I am,” she grinned, “Of course I’d answer Kokichi’s call. There is nothing that would stop me otherwise.”

Curious, Katsuki leaned towards Alter Ego, inspecting them for a moment before nodding. “Greetings to you as well, Alter Ego! You are not one of the felines that frequents the gardens of the castle. Nonetheless, it is nice to meet you.”

It was just...so pleasant and nice, that seeing Tom appear, even if Kokichi had expected it… He sighed, looking...a little blatantly disappointed, but...this was the bed he’d made. He needed to understand it now. 

Holding himself up, refusing to shrink in front of the teen, Kokichi gave him a brief nod before looking to Mikado. So...they were here. How could they find out what effects were going on?

But what he said was, “...honestly, I’m kind of relieved it’s just the two of them. I was worried there’d be more…”

Mikado sighed, before chuckling a little, “In truth? I was hoping there’d be more. What a novel development...I was wondering if we might get dozens of shards in here-”

Alter Ego’s ears perked up, though his eyes narrowed, “Sorry, what?”

“Just a theory, just a theory… but if the piece is strong enough? You don’t leave behind vague energy of yourself… you create shards. And leave them behind in people, for them to eventually absorb into a part of themselves. To… add some aspect to them, or compensate for something they lack… shards are, by design, meant to eventually lose their individuality. They’re meant to be pieces of a new person… if you gave them shards? The two people here are, in fact, two beings both made of two people. Like Alter Ego… regardless of how similar they might still appear to be to the people you knew before giving a piece of yourself to them.”

Raising his hand, Mikado said gently, “Before you panic? Forcing a shard onto someone is difficult enough to do that I have no reason to believe it’s not, in fact, impossible. The person ‘receiving’ the shard, or, volunteering to become another shard themselves to a larger being between them… it has to be something they wanted. If there’s a way to force someone into being a shard or accepting a shard, I’ve never heard of it.”

Alter Ego murmured, “When Chihiro pulled Mondo and Taka from their minds… he couldn’t just ‘do it’. Mondo and Taka had to be willing to go… though, imminent death by fire is… quite the motivation.” he admitted, tail twitching.

Meanwhile, Tom was looking at the glass person, “...I get the weirdest sense that I know you. Isn’t that weird? You’d think I’d remember someone like you, but,” a giggle, “I just can’t place it.”

“I think the next step would be to have you feel out your connection to them, to see how their connection to you affects you… but for them, we may want to ask them about their symptoms… and if the pieces really were strong enough to be shards? We might be able to ask the shard itself.”

Despite being told not to panic, Kokichi paled as his eyes went wide. He...broke off pieces of himself, forced them onto people and then...just sat back as they became another person entirely… What had he done?!

Kokichi’s image started to...blur, slightly, as he retreated into himself, caught up in guilt and terror and...just...an incredible wave of self-hatred, but...before he could get too far away…

Katsuki had looked over at Tom and gave him a shrug. “Maybe people meet many others. Even if just in passing, we touch thousands in our lives. Through all those connections, it’s rare to find a life that isn’t connected through a few jumps.”

But, maybe more importantly to the greater conversation, she raised her arm in a proud declaration. “I volunteered! Kokichi gave me free will and the ability to create an identity! I am grateful for my existence, because there was nothing before.”

Coming forward, the woman made of mirrors--but, truly, so much more than a reflection--grasped Kokichi’s hands, his image sliding back into focus as he stared up at her, almost desperately listening to her gratitude. “You gave me the greatest gift of life and existence. I will never be able to thank you enough, but I could find no greater meaning to follow in my life than to do just that, every day.”

The group watched this interesting exchange, Alter Ego looking more and more concerned for Kokichi, Mikado, just, fascinated, while Tom was suddenly giggling to himself like a loon as he whispered, “Oh… yeah. Still crazy, huh? Heh heh heh...hard to not be, people like us…”

Mikado looked away from the touching exchange, giving Tom a curious look. “Alright, so Katsuki seems to be perfectly in balance between her shards. I’m going to assume she’s the one who’s been doing this longer then, the first time Kokichi’s been rumored to do this. That makes you the new one… may I take a peek?”

“Hm~?” Tom asked, tapping his cheek with his fingers… before looking at his hands, slightly startled. Oh… look at that… they’re still here. Playing with his fingers a little, flexing them in morbid fascination, he glanced up, seeing Mikado was still waiting for an answer. “Oh. Oh! I mean, you’ve already kidnapped me. Do whatever you’re going to do!” 

He smiled, sharp and cruel, as he said to Mikado, “If it’s terrible? At least try to make it fun? Kaaaay~? Least you can do!”

“...it won’t hurt at all.” Mikado said, somewhat uneasily, before reaching into the link that Tom had brought with him into his mind…

...after a moment, a small, vague figure, stepped out of Tom, proudly holding an hourglass. Inside the… mostly, now (still a few cracks. Still a few sharp edges. Still spilling slightly. But considerably better than the last time Kokichi had seen it, whether he remembered it or not. Healing over time.) recovered as beautiful lights shifts and swirled inside. Emotions, bright, colorful lights, developing more and more over time, now that they finally had a safe place to grow, looking strong and twisting in and out of each other within the glass.

Tom looked at the hourglass being held by the figure, it’s molded, clay top having hardened over time. He smiled a bit at it. “Yeah… that thing. That’s mine… I don’t know what ‘shards’ are, but that.” He said, pointing to the hourglass, knife suddenly in hand, a sharp, defensive smile on his face as he stepped next to the figure, ready to fight them all back if necessary, “Is mine… you all don’t get to take this from me.”

(“Calm. You do not need to threaten them. They are not against you.”) ‘said’ the figure. (“You can see it on their faces. Can’t you?”)

Tom looked at their faces, uncertain… unused to trying to empathise… “...maybe.” he conceded. Not dropping the knife, but willing to give it that, at least.

...Kokichi felt his vision blur, but not because he was going out of focus this time. Katsuki...had really, genuinely dedicated her life to him. But...she had a life outside of him. She...had a life because of him?

“...you don’t regret it? That I...made you into something else? Someone else?”

Katsuki’s shake of the head was immediate and decisive. “You gave me the opportunity to be someone else. To be anyone at all, because there was nothing before you. I was nothing. I was supposed to be him...but you gave me the chance to be me. If that’s influenced by you, then that’s something I’m proud of!” Katsuki smiled wide. “I’m proud of you! You’re a wonderful person, Kokichi, and I’m honored to follow your lead, in however many forms that is.”

Kokichi sniffed a little before surging forward to hug the woman he’d known for the better part of his life. And...maybe for all of hers. He didn’t understand what she meant, but...her intent was as clear as ever. 

It still wasn’t something he wanted to ever do by accident again, but...maybe he wasn’t a monster for throwing his shards at people. 

...maybe. 

Wiping his eyes, Kokichi looked over at Tom and the...surprisingly familiar vague shape next to him, holding an… 

“...it was an hourglass, huh?” he softly murmured. Eyes...not entirely focused, but stuck on the hourglass before slowly moving across the blurry figure and Tom. “...I gave you some of my dirt… I asked if I could try to fix your glass… You said you couldn’t see the path.”

Tom idly spun the butterfly knife in his hands, looking… a little confused by all that. Not remembering any of this.

But the figure nodded. (“They broke me… they worked so hard to break it apart. Most of the time I felt nothing. All I could feel was adrenaline. Adrenaline was something, at least. The pain, the fear, anything that got the blood flowing… it was something. And sometimes, when the broken bottle tipped just right…”) the figure shifted the hour glass slightly, and almost immediately, Tom had to step back. A nervous, sad giggle erupting out of him, his eyes widening and wet, lips trembling, (“I could feel everything… too much, with no idea what to do with it. No way to cope with it. I didn’t know what to do… I only knew that sometimes, Itch was just fun to be around because adrenaline followed him… and sometimes I loved him so much that it felt like all of me was going to break just under the pressure of it…”)

Sighing, the figure shifted the hourglass again, and the trembling went away, and Tom looked calmer. Less overwhelmed. (“I just want… the balance. The tide to come…”) tip the hour glass one way. Tension in Tom’s face, (“...and to go.”) tip the other way. Tom relaxed. (“...how could I possibly see the path when my own emotions terrorized and confused me? How could I understand you without understanding me? I…”)

The figured looked to Tom, who looked back, an amused expression on his face, but that really just his default. A defense, when he was uncertain what was going on and didn’t want to express that weakness. (“...we, still, but it’s easier to think of it as I. That is the ultimate goal, after all. I’m working to understand. It’s going to be a long, hard road, and I don’t know if there’s anything for me at the end of it, truly… but not walking it seems… pointless, now. It’s simply the path forward. What else is there to do?”)

Looking back to Kokichi, the figure shrugged slightly, then smiled, (“But, I wouldn’t have seen the path forward at all, without that first piece of dirt. So… thank you. Your gift is… terrible. A burden we weren’t ready for. But it was necessary. We wouldn’t give it back now if you asked us.”)

They broke him...and his foster father broke him...and Itch took the pieces to make him sharper… 

Kokichi didn’t really...remember. Not as he was used to remembering things. But there was a sort of familiarity to all those facts. 

Tom was...a deeply broken person. And while he was one of Maki’s siblings...it...really sounded like Kokichi was one of the only people to ever reach out to help, and could manage to actually do something. 

...sometimes helping people...made them deeply unhappy. Frightened or resentful or furious… But even if it pained them...Kokichi was tasked with helping people. At all costs not allowing his people to break apart, even if that might give them peace. 

Even if living hurt so much more...suicide was not an option he could offer people. 

Kokichi’s shoulders relaxed, a little color returning to his face as his eyes refocused. “...honestly I don’t think I could bring myself to take it from you. I’m sorry for all the hardship awaiting you...but I really hope there is something waiting for you at the end of the path. Something all your own.”

The figure just smiled slightly at that, something deeply sad in it, before, perhaps surprisingly, it bowed low at the waist. Showing it’s respect, while Tom just looked more… confused. One hand in his pocket, the other fiddling with his (now long taken from him) butterfly knife, making it dance effortlessly between his still whole fingers… before giggling. Raising an eyebrow at the group as he asked, “As much ‘fun’ as this has been, are you all done fucking with me? I have a long day of nothing to do tomorrow that I need to be up bright and early for.”

“Not yet. We need to explore the side effects of you having a shard from Kokichi first.” Alter Ego stepped in now, flying closer to him, looking between Tom and the figure and, while at first he was going to refer to the figure singularly… well, it was just one person. The figure had said it was trying harder to meld itself properly with Tom, and not wanting to disrespect that attempt, Alter Ego referred to both of them as, “You showed up to Itch’s dream without Kokichi pulling you, and did it effortlessly. How?”

Tom’s eyes widened at this, and he shifted his weight onto his other foot, looking around uneasily as he said, “...I saw Itch? When?”

The figure said, “I did see him yes, but it wasn’t by my own power, and Kokichi did pull, in a sense. I felt Kokichi’s call to us, summoning us, and he created a link to the space where he wanted to talk to us, asking a representation of Tom a direct question. I followed the link, and I used the opportunity Kokichi gave me to calm down my brother… on that note?”

The figure looked to Kokichi and, perhaps unusually for it’s otherwise soft features, it’s smile was suddenly oddly sharp as it said, “I appreciate what you did for me, but him? Stop playing tourist to my brothers trauma. Stay out of his head. He’s not like me, he’s not ‘broken’. He’s just sad and mean, and there’s no quick dream fix to that except for the one you refused. You can’t help him, and no matter what you want to tell yourself, your incompetence isn’t ‘revenge’. It was just clueless cruelty. Leave him alone.”

Tom snickered, giving the figure an appreciative look. 

“While it’s… genuinely fascinating, watching a soul piece try to pick a fight with it’s original, if we can get back on track? I think I’ve worked out what the ‘side effect’ is, and my theory on how to fix it. It’s actually really simple.” Mikado said, tapping his chin, “Kokichi has an easier time pulling Tom from consciousness to consciousness, because a part of Tom and, in theory, Katsuki, are both mildly empaths now. Weak ones, but strong enough to hear a call specifically from Kokichi, and follow his links places. Kokichi isn’t bursting power to do it because he’s not ‘pulling’ anyway, he’s just sending portals to weaker versions of himself, and they’re jumping themselves. As for why he’s ‘subconsciously’ summoning them… I think what Kokichi’s doing is, when he’s making ‘memory’ based people? He’s not making copies of memories, he’s just pulling at memories that seem most recently ‘familiar’, and for Tom and Katsuki? Following that ‘familiar’ feeling just meant reaching out for the actual individuals themselves. I wouldn’t be surprised if Kokichi didn’t know the difference to resummoning an old memory and making a new one each time.”

Alter Ego opened his mouth to argue he had, in fact, taught Kokichi this, thank you very much… but then  he shut his mouth. Thought about it…

Squinting his eyes, he said, “That..would explain why Chibi Kaito keeps showing up every time Kokichi makes a memory of his husband…sort of thought he was doing it on purpose… hmmmm… whoops… I guess I may have been vague in that lesson…”

He...created a link? ...in fairness...Kokichi wasn’t quite sure how his memory of his first time in Tom’s mind was revealed to him at all, but...there had been no intent there, as far as Kokichi was aware...but they were kinda trying to solve the whole issue of his subconsciousness. If he was just...making links all the time, like he was constantly searching out distressed people in his deep sleep…

Kokichi’s brow furrowed a bit as Tom’s shard berated him, and it was all he could do to not roll his eyes. He’d been to Itch once, and now that he knew it was something he could avoid, that’s what he was working on! Really...he would’ve been happy to never see the brothers again. His incompetence wasn’t in not helping Itch, it was being there in the first place, and everything now was to try and avoid that. 

(...despite his pity and getting over his fear to do what he needed...Kokichi really didn’t want anything to do with Tom and Itch in the same way he didn’t want anything to do with Cedar. He was still hurt. And likely would be for a long, long time, even if it didn’t affect his usual life.)

But to avoid it…

Kokichi’s brow furrowed more, and a confused look grew on his face. Reaching out to what was familiar? Wasn’t that what he was supposed to do when making a memory-copy of someone? Just...bringing all his memories of a person into a form he could talk to?

Kokichi pouted a little at his mentor. “Why would I do that on purpose? Unless I wanna talk to Chibi Kai-chan specifically, it would be a lot easier to make a Memory Kai-chan that I can actually understand when he talks. I’ve just kinda had to improvise when Chibi Kai-chan shows up.”

“...Wellll… in my defense, you do seem to find everything he does… adorable?” Alter Ego said, his voice notably sheepish, though it was hard to read on his kitty expression, “I don’t know. I thought you just got a kick out of it. Bell sounds and all.”

Tom raised his hand, “I am literally trapped here till you all send me back. You three seemed to have worked out what you wanted from, uh…” Tom glanced at the figure holding his hourglass, and said gamely, “me. And I wasn’t kidding about being back by morning. My sister will actually kill me if I’m not accounted for. Can I go now? Pretty please? You freaks?”

Kokichi sighed, both a little at Alter Ego and mostly at Tom, and he rubbed his forehead a bit. “Yeah, yeah, yeah… Really, sincerely hope we never see each other again.”

Closing his eyes, Kokichi tried...portals, huh? First, he imagined...like...letting Tom and Katsuki go. He had given his shards as gifts--he didn’t want them back, and they didn’t belong to him anymore. They were theirs. Then, with a nudge, he...pushed them back from where they came. Through portals… 

Peeking an eye open, Kokichi tried to see if that had worked.

Tom felt the (familiar?) pull of the portal, and the figure, beaming at Kokichi, its mood up and down (being attached to Tom was an emotional… experience. The figure was still working it out itself.) gave him a wave before heading back into Tom, Tom looking… mildly confused by that. 

But, snickering at what Kokichi said as his parting words, he responded, “Ya know what? Let me know how that’s working out for you, the next time I see ya. Byeeeee~!” and, following partly a muscle memory, turned, and stepped into something he couldn’t see, and he was gone.

Katsuki, in turn, smiled warmly, and tousled Kokichi’s hair for a warm moment before peacefully stepping back into nothingness-shadows. In the physical world, Katsuki blinked, no longer feeling the compulsion to watch over Kokichi, but…

...he was a good kid. She was looking forward to seeing the great leader he’d be, and the great person he’d grow into too. And while he did, she’d look after him. Maybe tonight that meant keeping an eye on his window.

Kokichi let out a sigh, glad that had done the trick, before he looked back to Alter Ego and Mikado. “...so I need to learn how to summon memories that aren’t the most familiar version?”

“You need to learn to create new ones each time you do it. The familiar is safe and easy, but it can make things a little complicated for empaths, in the long run. For instance, this ‘Chibi Kaito’ you both are talking about?” Mikado said, looking between Alter Ego and Kokichi, his mask snickering but his face concerned, “People can get attached to their defenses and mechanics and even their figments-- what I call ‘memories’-- and that’s fine… but only to an extent. A mind is an ever-evolving thing, and the things you create inside of it are literally how it works. You don’t want to find yourself so comfortable in it someday or so attached to everything that you’re unwilling to change. It’s why most empaths avoid creating permanent humanoids in their mindscape. It’s easy to get overly attached, and some people start preferring to live in their minds over the outside world…”

Alter Ego shook his head, “It hasn’t gotten to that point, I can assure you. I’d have said something already if it had. Chibi Kaito’s a novelty, but beside one other semi-consistent figment, Kokichi’s mechanics has been entirely environmental. Having one mechanic he’s emotionally attached too isn’t going to hurt anything.”

“Fine. That’s just a friendly caution on my end then. Don’t make it a habit. But… even without that possibility, for you, Kokchi? You’re just… too naturally powerful. Some things people would teach themselves not to do purely on instinct because it took too much energy or power to do it, like creating consistent figments to draw from over and over. It’s too much trouble, so they teach themselves not to right away. Since it’s effortless for you, you didn’t even know you were doing it. So, you’ll have to train yourself out of the habit. Once you do? In theory, the subconscious portals will stop.”

Alter Ego’s tail twitched, and he asked, “What about subconscious tethers? Do you know anything about how to stop those?”

“What, latching onto one or two loves ones in moments of worry? It happens to the best of us, just untether them when you notice it.”

“No, like… like maybe hundreds of people, for a moment, subconsciously… any ideas how to fix that?”

Mikado blinked, before giving Kokichi an openly wary look. “...You can do that?”

Creating new ones… That would probably take some practice. Maybe...it would be something to try with Chibi Kokichi? But...that might be difficult, since...he was him. So he’d have all his knowledge so...how would they even be able to tell if he was a new version? 

Maybe Chibi Kaito would be able to tell…

And...he was attached to Chibi Kaito, in a way. He didn’t want to dismiss the little creature, and found some comfort in his consistency. But...Chibi Kaito was just him. And as cute as the creature could be...Kokichi had his actual husband in the real world. For all the amazing things Kokichi was learning how to do when he was asleep...other than trying to figure out how to combat conditioning? It was all for the purpose of his life in the physical world. 

...other than spending time with Alter Ego. Who...while an important, precious friend...unfortunately would never translate to the physical world.

Nodding slowly as he took in Mikado’s point, Kokichi ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. It was like...bodily limitations. There were certain dangerous things you’d never even try, just because it was impossible for your body to even do that. But...Kokichi was strong enough to do those things so...he just had to practice at not doing them. Or...replacing the instinct to do them with something else...which would probably be easier to actually implement for himself…

Same with the tethers…

...for...one of the first times...Kokichi felt...kind of…

...freakish. 

But he nodded gently at Mikado’s wary incredulity. “That’s our best explanation for what’s happening, anyway…”

Pausing for a moment, Kokichi looked to the side as he thought, voice returning soft and...self-conscious. “...do you remember that avalanche in Bern over the winter? I...knew immediately, though I didn’t know what I was feeling… When you looked at me in the magic shop, you said I had a country inside me...and that was kinda literal. I was tethered to...everyone in Dicea, we think. And Alter Ego taught me how to sever all those, but…”

Kokichi sighed, his self-consciousness growing. “...in my actual sleep? Like, when I’m not aware like this… We think I’m seeking out, just...countless people, and seeing if they’re distressed. And if they are...I pull myself to them, then I ‘wake up’, all confused about it, and...try to help with whatever they’re distressed with. That’s apparently how and when I gave Tom that piece of myself, though it was before I was even ‘waking up’ once I was in their heads…”

Mikado listened to all of this attentively, a neutral expression on his face. After a moment, he walked up to Kokichi, and really looked at him. As if he could find some clue to all of this on Kokichi’s projection. His eyes searching him, not really sure what he was looking for, but just… “Fascinating.” He said, appreciatively, saying quite honestly, “I’m not sure I’ll ever really get over the sheer envy, I have for you… I’d give everything, to be capable of what you are… it’s like trying to teach a god…”

Mikado straightened up, looking to the cat, and saying with a small chuckle, “I have a new appreciation for what you’re attempting to do, Alter Ego. What a task… and one I’m not sure I can help with. One of the frustrations of knowing purely through theory rather than practical application is that you’re limited to what others have already discovered, unable to experiment yourself...hmmm…”

The false magician sighed, trying to think of any help he could offer… before he snapped his finger, “Let me show you something.”

With the snap, the environment changed. The three of them were now standing in a room, the walls white, but that only acting as a canvas for Kokichi, who had painted the walls with images of his loved ones, his family, his friends and acquaintances and people he only knew through letters or admired in parks or only knew existed conceptually. All of them represented as drawings on the wall, though while some people only had vague figures near the floor or the corners, certain loved ones had massive, messily painted portraits, beautiful in the chaos of its linework, each portrait expressing an individual type of love Kokichi felt for them. In a corner, Lake, painted boldly and vibrant and loud, charged with her sword high in the air, a dazzling smile on her face, while Nazumi, soft green pastels painted in sharp, jagged edges, watched her go. 

Katsuki, in another corner, newly painted with an additional small light purple haze in her core, surrounded by her otherwise bright, golden light. Denji, a whole mess of colors all fading and graduating in and out of their linework, the vibrant sibling laughing with a small, playful sneer. Ikou, almost a lifesized portrait of him, calm, a relaxed, kind look on his face. Aiichi, smaller, but center on a far wall, thousands of the vague figures surrounded him. 

The pictures of his lovers were freshly painted as well, from the last time Mikado had done this. Kokichi’s presence allowing him to update the room-- rooms he never actually let go of, once he had them. A vast collection of snapshots into peoples lives-- Shuichi, massive, looking a little more at peace, than the last painting that had been splashed onto the wall. A calm contentedness radiating from the image, more at peace than the sad, somewhat grim and shy portrait from last time, and much more pregnant. A glow of light coming from the center of his stomach, that Kaito, just as massive, seemed to be focused on. The linework on Kaito a flourishing mix of sweet, almost flower like curves in some spots, and jagged, sharp lines not unlike what Nazumi had in other parts, but all of it bright, reassuring colors of dark purple and a warm red, and around him, a warm, almost sun-like light, as Kaito seemed mid-excitedly talking to a peaceful, if amused, Shuichi’s stomach. Reassuring Miyako that her dad was nearby and thinking of her.

Other then the wall, the room was full of trinkets. Things that, in one way or another, Kokichi valued enough that they made an appearance in the snapshot, or represented something that mattered to him, or said something of him. A snapshot of his life, all represented in a room.

Mikado looked around the room in appreciation, but while the walls were impressive… that wasn’t why he had said Kokichi had a whole country inside of him.

In the center of the room, was a massive diorama, beautifully intricate and dramatically realistic, pieces moving, the oceans tides rolling in and out, wind blowing through forest trees, streets full of lively activity. 

A physical, literal representation of Dicea.

“This room is a condensed, simplified snapshot of your mind, Kokichi. As much as I am capable of peering into, which as you can see, is mostly surface level things. But this is what I saw that day in the magic shop, more or less.” Mikado said, looking around, before continuing on,”At the the time, I assumed, when I saw this, that this was a representation of just how well you knew the country. To be able to imagine this level of detail, for… all of it.” Mikado said of the diorama, peering into the streets, where markets were selling their wears in Usott, “Detailed, but still imaginary. And while that’s still possible… with what you just told me? This may be more… literal. Than I was expecting.”

...in some ways...Kokichi was starting to feel like he didn’t want to be capable of all that he was. He was glad for his ability in creating Saint Madison, leading them to the discovery that conditioning could be combated without leaving an Empath vulnerable for ages. But...if he was so powerful that...no one knew what to do with him? That he was capable of casually, subconsciously doing life-changing, potentially devastating things to people? 

He…

(The room didn’t change. But maybe it was...notable that Kokichi didn’t have a portrait of himself in the room. If he did...maybe they would’ve noticed something changing.)

...it was cool, actually getting to comprehend what Mikado was looking at, that day in the shop. Kokichi adored all the paintings on the walls, seeing all his loved ones almost literally etched into his heart. Even the diorama was lovingly rendered. 

But…

Kokichi frowned, peering down at all the little people in the diorama, somehow easily able to see as fine as a single road in Usott, and just as easily taking in the country as a whole. But also… (the continent. The world. But it was...blurrier, now. Like he could only see it out of the corner of his eye, the focus of his gaze refusing to look.)

“...what does that mean, then? That…” Kokichi’s face grew distressed. “...these are actually...representative consciousnesses? Of everyone?”

...he really thought he’d gotten rid of those tethers.

Alter Ego moved closer to Kokichi, wanting to be at arms length, concerned for him. But Mikado didn’t even glance at him, still looking down at the diorama in new interest, as he said, “My instinct is to say ‘no’. Because… obviously not. That’s impossible… and yet…”

Tapping against his map a bit, Mikado hummed a bit… “My guess? And honestly, even this feels impossible… but I think you’ve tethered enough in your life to all these places, these people, that your mind can make some logical conclusions to what any given area has going on, even if you’re not actively tethered. You might be tethering based on patterns, long established ones, checking in for a moment and then moving on. Certainly you can’t be doing it constantly. You’d be insane by now, if not dead. That’s too much...out of curiosity?” Mikado asked, looking to Kokichi now, and still not overly concerned with the distress there. “Would you say you get strong senses of dejavu? Or, are more familiar with places you’ve only visited once or twice than you should be? Maybe you’ve found you can imagine places you haven't been with a surprising amount of detail?”

“...or maybe none of these things happen. I’m sorry for putting ideas into your head that might not actually be there, I’m just so… curious. What this does to a person.”

...if he had been tethered to everyone right up until Alter Ego had taught him to cut them? Then that was twenty years of watching patterns… But...Alter Ego had said that they and the Empath community at large hadn’t noted his powers until recently. Surely someone would’ve noticed him surveying everyone...but no one had…

The crease between Kokichi’s eyebrows deepened. Kokichi hugged himself. 

“...I...don’t really think so? The only deja vu I’ve gotten with any sort of frequency has been from me starting to remember this stuff… And...though I haven’t been to a lot of places… I mean...I’ve always had an active imagination, but...when I go somewhere new it’s never like I’ve imagined.”

“...I’ve generally been pretty good at remembering names, but...I mean, I think I mess up as much as anyone…”

This time, Alter Ego, who had been feeling a little unable to add to this conversation up to this point, furrowed his brow when he saw Mikado open his mouth to say, “Well, okay, how about th-”

“No. Enough.” The cat insisted, hopping off his cloud and into Kokichi’s arms, fur bristling at Mikado as he said, “You’re drawing too many conclusions because you want this to be true. You think it’s exciting. But we can’t start theorizing like Kokichi is literally capable of anything.”

Mikado frowned, crossing his arms, “I’m not going into realms of fantasy, these are serious, realistic questions.”

“You literally called him a ‘god’ a few minutes ago. He’s not. He’s human, and twenty, and is capable of more high level empath skills than the average empath, but it’s nothing the world hasn’t seen before this. Everything he’s done so far I’ve found other people capable of the same thing… with the exception of his potential mass tethering. Potential mass tethering. We might be looking at this all wrong. That might not even be what he’s doing at all.”

Mikado raised an eyebrow at that, before pointing to the diorama, “Between this and his jumps and the mountain incident, the evidence strongly suggests it.”

“He only jumps, so far, into people he already knows. That’s not ‘mass’, that’s specific. The mountains could have been a coincidence, a smaller tethering letting Kokichi know something was happening. The first time you saw this diorama, you thought it was a metaphor and barely commented on it, and it still could be. We’re making too many broad conclusions of what could be a series of coincidences. We need to look into this with more reasonable, tempered expectations. If you can’t help us with that, you can’t help us.”

Kokichi was a little surprised when Alter Ego jumped into his arms, but...even with his mentor’s obvious anger...it was still comforting to hold them. To feel the weight of their presence, that had guided him through so much all with a gentle touch. 

Taking a deep breath...Kokichi didn’t feel much better at all. But his voice was a little stronger. “...I think it’s worth considering any possible explanation and ways forward, but...it does kinda make me feel like shit if what we’re considering is so beyond what anyone thought possible that...no one knows what to do anymore, and I’m just some museum exhibit or fascinating experiment. What I’m doing has serious consequences for people, things that, consciously, I’d never want to do. There might be merit in further experimentation, but...personally? I just want to know what I can do to stop. I don’t want to take advantage of people or put them in danger.”

Kokichi lifted his gaze to Mikado, actively wanting to listen to the man’s ideas, but not willing to play at an invasive interview. Open, but firm, the gaze of a prince. “If I am performing subconscious mass tethering, then do you have any recommendations about how I can stop?”

Mikado sighed, genuinely disappointed. He would have quite liked to keep theorizing… but he nodded, “My recommendation? Create yourself a sophisticated mechanism that looks for and breaks tethers when you create them. Have it work on its own, and have that be all it does. Even when you’re not paying attention, like with any mechanism or defense, it’ll just keeping doing that. You’ll likely have to stop it every time you want to tether willingly, but to stop something you’re doing involuntarily? Create ‘watch dogs’ in your own mind to keep an eye on things when you, consciously, can’t. That’s my recommendation.”

Kokichi nodded a bit, gently petting Alter Ego’s side from where Mikado couldn’t see. “...alright… Okay. Thank you, Mikado. I’ll try that out. And...likely not a humanoid or ‘sentient’-seeming thing, huh…? Hm…”

...he’d have to consider that. 

“...I think it might just have to be something to come back to if that doesn’t work, but...if I’m not mass tethering?” Kokichi hummed, tilting his head to the side and...look, it was easy to feel Mikado’s disappointment when he was in his head. And his curiosity felt so much like Shuuichi’s...just wanting to know things to know them. This was something...Kokichi was still very much working on in therapy. “Do you have any other ideas about what I’m doing?”

“... at the moment? Beyond grand theories, the kitten here has a point.” Mikado conceded, shrugging a little, “We have a bunch of evidence that something is happening. That we know. But until you start remembering things, or, someone is actively observing you when these things happen? All we have is speculation based on the aftermath. Which we can do a lot with, sure, but it will still ultimately just be speculation… maybe…”

Mikado thought about it, “We know you involuntarily visited Itch, who, if I understand right, was Tom’s brother, right? And you have a shard implanted in Tom. Maybe it wasn’t random, that you subconsciously went to check on Itch. Maybe you were feeling some echoing remnant of Tom’s concern over him, sent through your connection to Tom. As for your other known jump, Tom himself… well, this is the same psychopath I read about in the newspaper, yes? The one who killed that entire family by himself? I’d be tempted to check in on someone I… well, I apologize for assuming, but someone I fear like that. Maybe that also wasn’t a coincidence.”

“We don’t know Katsuki’s story… maybe… maybe the next step for me and you, Kokichi, is exploring some memories that despite your… everything, we can still analyze for evidence of how your abilities work. What you’re actually capable of.” Alter Ego suggested, looking to Kokichi to gauge what his friend might think of that.

That was true, but...Kokichi was kind of looking for speculation. Just...any answer he could maybe apply to not… (be a monster.)

It was...possible that Kokichi's subconsciousness had wanted to check in on Itch and Tom, even with how much he consciously wanted to just forget they existed… People had conflicting desires all the time. Knowledge was power, and maybe...Kokichi was subconsciously looking for a way to protect himself. Not physically, since they had been arrested and were countless miles away in solitary, but...maybe just trying to give himself some peace. Even if the occurrences of visiting them put the brothers back in Kokichi’s mind when he’d otherwise not been thinking about them. 

But it was a possibility. 

Kokichi nodded at Alter Ego. “You said the mind never truly forgets anything, right? Even if I can’t regularly remember things, we should still be able to find those memories. They might give us a clue.”

“Exactly. It’s worth pursuing to see what we find, and, luckily for us? You’re been refining, little by little, a memory mechanic for months now. Chibi Kaito’s about to put in some work.” Alter Ego said, something oddly proud in the sentiment. 

Turning to Mikado, he said, “I know you can’t reach out to us if you have any new ideas. You can’t send intent outside of yourself, Kokichi won’t understand in the physical world, and you won’t be able to find me there either.”

“I know.” Mikado said simply, a little annoyed to be reminded of his limitations.

“That said, would it be alright if I checked in with you periodically to trade notes? I still think your lifestyle is ridiculous,” Alter Ego said honestly, Mikado giving him another pointedly annoyed look at the sentiment, “But honestly, you’re one of the most well-read and comprehensive minds when it comes to empath abilities I’ve talked to in the last few weeks, and trust me, I’ve been talking to people who are considered the best. Too many empaths just don’t… think about what they’re actually doing. They just learn how to do it, master it, and move on. It’s not particularly helpful for hypotheticals or teaching. I still don’t appreciate you having fun at my charge’s expense, but I have to admit your opinion on the matter could be invaluable.”

“You didn’t have to flatter me, my answer was yes regardless.” Mikado said, though his mask was smirking a bit, clearly not displeased with the flattery, “Certainly. Reach out whenever, for whatever… especially if you have new information to share in turn. I’d be fascinated to see how this goes. You are… worthy of observation, Kokichi.”

Kokichi smiled a bit. Chibi Kaito was oddly good at finding memories Kokichi had completely forgotten about so...hopefully he’d be able to flex a little in finding the memories Kokichi had...repressed, in a way. 

And...they could keep in touch with Mikado, so if they ran into a wall, they weren’t shit out of luck. Even if there were bounds of Mikado’s curiosity that Kokichi wasn’t...super thrilled with.

Sighing, Kokichi gave the man a dry look. “Man, thrilled I qualify for that, at least.” But, matching his words, his expression softened to gratitude. “But thank you for helping me out. It’s...easy to feel helpless in trying to figure out what to do. If we find anything noteworthy, we’ll let you know.”

“Of course. Now, I know you’ve already indulged me in this once, but I do so rarely get the opportunity to-”

“Nope, no, no being eaten by fish, we’re out of here.” Alter Ego said, opening up a link back to Kokichi’s mind and telling him urgently, “Go, go, go.”

Mikado’s face was annoyed, but his mask smiled maniacally, as the ceiling above the room opened up, and a strange, dark, massive beast that was best described as a whale but with spindly arms and legs and teeth reached into the room for them- “Do come by again soon. It’s always wonderful to see you!”

Kokichi’s eyes widened in aesthetic awe as he caught a glance at the whale monster, but he kept a steady hold on Alter Ego as he quickly hopped back to his own mind, calling back to Mikado with a hurried, “See you around! Thanks!”

Back in his bedroom, though...it was clear something had happened. It was...dark. Not the void that took over when Kokichi didn’t have the energy to maintain a space, but...not quite like the dark of night either. Or...it was, but...blanketing and oppressive, no moon outside of the window to catch the light on various things. A distinctly unpeaceful feeling. 

...Kokichi’s lips thinned, but he loosened his grip on Alter Ego, allowing his mentor the freedom to roam if they wished. “...do you think we should save going through memories for another night, or do you wanna get started right away?”

Alter Ego leapt from Kokichi’s arms to the bed, looking around at the-- to someone who had basically been a roommate for a few weeks there?-- extremely noticeable difference in lighting and just… feeling? Of the space? He said, after a moment, “I think we should talk.”

His ears twitched though, and he looked around curiously, before saying quietly, “In one moment… let me check on something.”

Leaping off the bed, moving quietly, he peered beneath it, and though it was darker in this particular spot just because it was usually a dark spot in the room regardless, he still thought it was unusually dark as he squinted for the outlines of the small mechanic and the small figment…

It was extremely quiet, but Alter Ego could hear the soft sounds of worried bells, and could see the silhouette outline of what he could reasonably guess was Chibi Kaito fussing over Chibi Kokichi, who seemed to be curled into a ball and apparently ignoring his attempts to help. 

Watching this exchange, Alter Ego looked up at Kokichi, “...I can pretend to not know something is wrong. But it’d just be pretending.”

...Kokichi’s shoulders dropped and he let out a soft sigh as he sat down on the floor, his upper back against the bed to...he didn’t know. Be close by if the Chibis wanted to come to him. Knees up, Kokichi loosely wrapped his arms around them and rested his chin on top. 

“...it’s really scary being an Empath. It’s a lot of responsibility and...it’s so easy to use it for purposes that would hurt people, regardless of whether you want to use it for selfish or selfless, harmful or protecting reasons…”

“We got to talking about superpowers, and when Kai-chan straight up brought up Empathy...I was concerned that he thought it fit me. I straight out said I wouldn’t want that sort of power.”

Kokichi sighed again, though he smiled a little over at Alter Ego. “But...you made it way less scary. It’s a lot of responsibility, and there are people who abuse their power, but...so many people are trying their best to uphold that responsibility. There aren’t, yanno, billions of us, but...there are a lot of Empaths. Other people with this sort of power, even if they all have it in different ways. You said I was strong but...you had come to me because you’re strong too, and if I managed to come across questions you didn’t have the frame to answer...it would be a ways off…”

Kokichi tucked his face into his knees before Alter Ego could see his smile turn into a pained, frightened grimace. He grasped the fabric of his pants tightly, curling more into himself. “...but...every time we learn something new about me...about what I can do...and what I’ve done…”

“...I’m no stranger to hating myself, Alter Ego. But...usually I...I would feel useless...hated. A burden on everything I know.”

“...I’ve never felt like a freakish monster like this before…” Kokichi’s voice broke, the dark feeling like...a small child locking themself as best they could in a dark, dark closet, where they could hurt and no one would find them.

Freak? Oh, don’t tell him that the edgy serial killer teen got into his head… probably not. Probably Kokichi was just latching onto that word because he had heard it recently, not necessarily that Tom had influenced him. But still…

“...monstrous isn’t a skill set. It’s a personality trait.” Alter Ego said after a moment, voice somber. “It’s not something you’re born as. It’s a title you earn. You have… in no way earned that title, Kokichi.”

The cat sighed, looking a little apologetic as he said, “I know, that’s very much a ‘line’, but… Kokichi, I’m a anthropomorphic mindscape cat made up of, mostly, dead people. And I am powerful. Incredibly so. I’m your mentor for a reason. The only difference between you and me, right now, is that you keep pushing the limits because you can’t remember enough to stop yourself. I wouldn’t try it because it sounds insane, but who knows! Maybe I’m capable of mass tethering too. We don’t know because I’ve never had a reason to try it. That’s the only wall between me and you.”

“Neither of us are monsters.”

...people were capable of a lot. It was their choices and actions that defined who and what they were. Not anything inherent. 

But…

Kokichi lifted his head a little, just to peek out at Alter Ego, though he kept his grip on his legs. “...I can rip people from their consciousnesses into others, force shards onto people, changing the very core of who they are, I...potentially keep track of thousands of people at a time...all without a thought. Those aren’t just abilities...they’re things I’ve done.”

And...while he didn’t exactly say it, a person’s mind was them. So the sentiment of, ‘And because of all that, people look at me like I’m some impossible creature. Like a monster.’ was...pretty clear. 

“...even if it’s not on purpose, still doing all that stuff is…” Kokichi let out a harsh sigh. “You’ve made the choice not to, even if it’s just because you think it’s impossible, or out of your reach. That’s a choice to not…”

“...who knows how many people I’ve invaded upon? If it’s something passive...in that regard, I’m no better than Queen Enoshima…”

Alter Ego looked actually, genuinely curious at that. Staring at Kokichi, tail flicking. “...are you aware of what you just said?” the cat asked, a little baffled, “Do you genuinely believe that?”

Kokichi shrank down into his ball at that. “...I know, as a whole, she’s something so horrible I can barely fathom it. I’m not...comparing us directly. But...you said it yourself before. She’s the only other person en masse surveying people.”

“I tried to cut all those tethers, because I believe that it’s wrong to do that. But...I’m doing it anyway. The line between malicious intent and ignorance...is hard to weigh. It’s hard to see which is worse, when both hurt people. She’s doing a lot of harm on top of and with her present presence in her people’s minds, but...of the fact that neither of us can give them the peace of their own minds…”

Kokichi just shook his head against his legs, swallowing back a sad hiccup.

“Malicious intent is worse.” Alter Ego informed him dryly. “I, in fact, know you know this… we’ve talked about this, if indirectly. Ignorance, even terrible ignorance, is forgivable… it’s the whole reason your father is still in your life. Because you know the difference.”

“And like you said, you tried to break the tethers. The second you knew what was happening? You attempted to fix it. Under my guidance. If you failed, then it’s because we both failed. And neither of our failure makes us monstrous. We’re trying our best, under extremely difficult circumstances.”

“Ad, more than all of that? ...you haven't hurt anyone. Not a single person. The two people you’ve most directly affected in a real way with your abilities, other then your lovers, both just thanked you. Even subconsciously, you made choices that benefited others, and I think, each and every time a decision like that is in front of you? You will always choose to benefit others. It’s just… a part of you.”

“And, frankly? If people like Junko Enoshima gets to exist in this world with abilities like hers? Then, Kokichi… the world needs people like you. People given incredible power, who uses it to help… it balances out against all the people out there, using it to exploit others.” Alter Ego’s tail flicked, “...you’re a gift, Kokichi. How can you not see that?”

Kokichi’s shoulders sagged. 

...he hadn’t really...forgiven Aiichi. Some part of him wondered if he ever would. But what his father did didn’t...weigh on him anymore. Sometimes you didn’t need to forgive to have peace. Sometimes you just needed a way to step forward, which both Kokichi and his father had chosen, with Aiichi’s decision--and tangible steps--to recognize the mistakes he’d made and try to make it up to Kokichi by having a better relationship with him, and Kokichi deciding to accept that, putting in his own efforts. 

...but Kokichi had decided to accept his father’s offer to move forward because...it hadn’t been malicious. Kokichi’s childhood had hurt him deeply, and there was no forgiving that. But...his father hadn’t set out to hurt him...and wouldn’t now either. That was something Kokichi could trust. 

...failure...sometimes wasn’t forgivable. But it was understandable. And it was something you could move forward from. 

...and his actions hadn’t been unforgivable. He had been thanked. Katsuki, someone he’d known for the better part of his life...had sworn her life to him in thanks. It wasn’t manipulation. It was just...gratitude that Katsuki had made her own choice about.

Kokichi peeked out of his knees, eyes wet. “...I just want to help people. I don’t want to hurt them by accident…”

Alter Ego didn't like to see Kokichi in tears. And he wanted to reassure him, speak softly, be gentle. And tonight, he would…

But dammit, he had also promised to teach Kokichi. And while this had a huge chance of backfiring… Alter Ego was going to trust his gut. And Mondo and Chihiro, who were the ones loudly advocating the idea. Hiro thought maybe chilling out in a nice memory would help and Taka thought they should go straight into the soft approach.

But, Mondo and Chihiro, out of the five of them, tended to understand emotions best, so Alter Ego was going with them, as he peeked under the bed. “Chibi Kaito. I have a task for you.”

There was some insistent, pleading bells sounds, Chibi Kaito still trying to get through to Chibi Kokichi… before finally, Chibi Kokichi literally just rag dolling it, a depressed look on its little face, Chibi Kaito dragged him out across the floor by his arm, Chibi Kokichi not being small to Kaito, in this context, and Kaito really having to work at it, pulling until he got by Big Kokichi, huffing and panting. 

♩?

“It’s very important, though it may be difficult.” Alter Ego said, “I need you to find for Kokichi the memory of when he gave Katsuki her shard. As quickly as you’re able.”

♩. 

Chibi Kaito tiredly agreed, looked with some concern at Chibi Kokichi, who seemed perfectly content to just stay limp on the floor… before, huffing, he used his full, tiny body to lift Chibi Kokichi up, pushing him onto Big Kokichi’s lap, an insistent ♪♪♮!!

Take care of this, I’ll be right back! Then, he ran back under the bed.

...Kokichi didn’t like seeing his doll-version like this. These emotions were too strong for such a little creature. But the thing was...you could calm yourself down, push things to the side, focus on something else...but you needed to feel your emotions, otherwise they weren’t really solved. Kokichi...felt like he was starting to calm down a little, but...all those feelings of...feeling like the slightest touch would break everything around him was...still too much. 

So, with a sniffle and a small sigh, Kokichi lowered his knees and took up Chibi Kokichi into his arms, conveying a soft apology to the creature...and to himself. It would get better, and he was sorry for feeling this way, for hurting others with his feelings. But he needed to feel like this for a little bit.

Kokichi closed his eyes and pressed his sleeve to them, trying to soak up any tears before they fell. 

༶ඬ༝ඬ༶

Alter Ego sighed a little, watching the two emotional Kokichi’s. He wasn’t against Kokichi just being in his feelings, but… well, he still felt like he had to argue with all of Kokichi’s self loathing and doubt. What else was there to do? Kokichi just… had to see for himself that his powers were a good thing. That he was good.

And, hopefully, Alter Ego had judged this memory right.

After a moment… there was some shuffling from the door leading out of the bedroom, and somehow, Chibi Kaito managed to turn the knob, the door swinging open with him hanging off it one handed, a teddy bear clutched in the other hand. Dropping down, he landed on his butt with a thud, took a moment to wince, rubbing his lower back, before getting up and trotting determinedly over to Alter Ego and Kokichi again.

(；●∀●)ﾉ(･ω･)

Here! First memory of Katsuki! Form of a teddy bear!   Sh-should be the right one! 

“You know I can’t understand you.”

♫♬♮♮!!!

“You know, somehow I feel like I understood that.” Alter Ego mused, as Kaito ignored him, taking the teddy bear to Big Kokichi and presenting it to him, glancing worriedly between the softly teary Big Kokichi and the openly weepy Chibi Kokich. Gah! So many Kokichi tears! 

Swallowing, Kokichi accepted the teddy bear, smiling slightly. That wasn’t a face he’d seen for a long time…

“Thanks, Kai-chan,” Kokichi murmured, holding the bear before a scene started to play before them. 

It was dark, not unlike the room they were in right now, but though there was no moon either, there was still the ambient, natural light highlighting the child’s bedroom. And while it was the same room, it really was a child’s bedroom they were looking at. 

There were toys strewn about, seemingly in the middle of a play that had been stopped for bedtime, a puzzle half-finished on a low table, a game for quieter moments. Far fewer things up on the walls--in fact, no letters or posters at all, though there were still drawings. All highly childish, drawn in crayon or markers, a few not quite distinguishable from scribbles. A few actually recognizable as castle residents, though not in a way that anyone in the present would see them looking like. 

There were a few fewer shelves, and the items up higher on them were organized in a way that was clearly not by Kokichi’s hands, while the lower ones were filled with picture books and short stories, with rocks and wilting flowers and little bits of fluff strewn in between. 

In the center of the room, still, was a bed, far too large for its occupant, but much smaller than the one currently there. And while it was the middle of the night, the small six-year-old--though he looked younger, even back then--was not asleep, instead idly moving a teddy bear on his stomach as his eyes traced lines between yet-unfaded stars on the ceiling. 

He had been sleeping so much lately, shaking off the remnants of a bad cold, and Kokichi couldn’t sleep. But...Daddy always got mad when he left his room in the middle of the night to go wandering. So Kokichi was just...trying to sleep, or at least be quiet until it was morning enough that he could be out and about. Maybe someone would want to play tomorrow…

There wasn’t even a shadow. If the occupant had been anyone but a restless person experiencing a bout of insomnia, they wouldn’t have noticed. Even as it was, it took Kokichi a long time to notice his window slowly opening, not even making a sound. 

Concern passed over the child’s face. He should scream. Go running for his dad or an adult. But as it was...Kokichi only went still in bed, too frightened to move. He tried to shuffle under his blankets, but even the slight rustle of sheets was too much sound, and he stopped. 

It was barely a shadow this time, the lack of moonlight playing to the assassin’s benefit. Get in unseen, kill the target, get out unseen. The method didn’t matter, their contractor wasn’t trying to be subtle. Make it look like an accident, or create a messy message. It was all the same. 

It was that lack of specific order that would likely save Kokichi’s life. 

Silently oozing in through the window, a figure wearing all black easily located its target, but before they could take another step, two shades of purple eyes locked. 

And what Kokichi, the adult, remembered happening next...didn’t. 

The child in the memory didn’t scream or run. The assassin didn’t act quickly, silencing their target before he could do either. 

Instead...the child felt...a vast emptiness. Something that scared him much more than a stranger sneaking into his room. Something he had never felt on someone before, even people who were really sad or numb. Instead of having lost something...nothing had ever been there. 

A look of profound sadness and worry came over Kokichi’s face, and, slowly, gently, he got out of bed, walking over to the assassin like he was approaching a small, easily startled animal. 

“...why?”

The assassin...didn’t act on orders. The intent right in front of them...this person didn’t have any expectations about who they were. Normally, people expected an assassin, so they were. This child…

“...my orders,” they simply responded.

The child frowned. “...is that what you want? To just...do orders?”

“It is my purpose.”

“...is it what you want your purpose to be?”

...the assassin had no answer. The child wasn’t expecting a particular answer, so...how could he? Katsuki had only ever been a mirror of what people wanted. What they expected. With no subject in front of the mirror...what was he supposed to reflect?

The child gave the assassin a patient look and reached out for their sleeve, guiding them over to sit on his bed. He offered his teddy bear, placing it in the assassin’s lap. “It’s okay if you need time. Daddy says that thinking takes a long time, so if you need a moment to sort out your feelings and words, then take that time.”

...no expectations. Katsuki wasn’t supposed to think. Or feel. Even the contractors wanted that. 

...but...was he supposed to do that now? Think what? Feel what?

The child felt that...scary emptiness again, and his expression became worried. He looked around the room for a moment before lighting up, hopping off the bed to grab a piece of paper and a crayon. 

Writing in big, lopsided letters, Kokichi nodded authoritatively. “If you need help, I have an idea! I’m writing a contract! So no one can bother you about this,” he nodded to Katsuki, evidently copying what he saw his father and uncle do. “With this contract, I’m giving you my teddy bear! Teddy bears are friends you can tell anything to, even really bad stuff, and they won’t tell anyone! So while you’re trying to figure out what you want to say, they’re good practice!”

“Oh, um…” Hitting a snag, Kokichi looked up at the assassin, pouting. “What’s your name? I need to put it on the contract.”

“Katsuki Okuniji.”

Nodding, Kokichi wrote down the assassin’s name to the best of his ability before signing his own name, passing Katsuki the crayon. “Sign, and that teddy bear is yours.”

And, because it was expected, Katsuki did.

...it wasn’t really...visible, per se. But...as Katsuki signed that contract...something happened. The teddy bear was meant to house all of Katsuki’s thoughts and feelings. Things the changeling didn’t have. But because it was expected of him…

Katsuki took a breath, his eyes widening, the bear in his lap suddenly bearing so much more weight. 

...he was about to kill a small child. 

That was perfectly fine, in the vein of everything he’d ever been taught and expected of, but...for some reason...it...really bothered him. He was about to kill a small child for people who had never given Katsuki anything but the clothes on his back and the weapons concealed in them. People who had never wanted to talk, and never asked what Katsuki thought. That was his purpose, but…

...did he want it to be?

Saddled with a sudden awareness of existence, Katsuki sat up from the bed, gently holding the teddy bear--his teddy bear, now, given with nothing expected in exchange--like a precious object. “...I need time to think. I’ll give you my answer when I can.”

Stepping to leave through the window again, Katsuki hesitated, the words foreign on his lips, with an even more unfamiliar feeling of sincerity behind them. “...thank you.”

Alter Ego watched from the sidelines, a passenger in this memory trip, but an otherwise unobtrusive one. After a moment, the assassin heading to the window and disappearing outside of it, the memory ended, and Alter Ego let out a small, quiet breath that he had been holding the entire memory.

They had been… so worried the memory would actually come out more traumatic than that. But it hadn’t. It had been cute, even. A small child giving a bear-- and, with that bear, a solid, stable piece of himself-- to a thing that couldn’t have made a different choice by that point even if it had wanted too… Alter Ego thought? He still wasn’t entirely clear what was up with Katsuki. She had sorta seemed blank-faced for a long minute there, bear/soul transfer, suddenly expressive. Conditioned? Maybe, though… conditioned people never came out mindless. Not that any of his shards had ever seen. Alter Ego doubted it was possible to do so-- otherwise, why wouldn’t they do it every time?

So, yeah… no idea what her deal was. Though, he did know… “Well, you were right, Kokichi. You were a vile, intrusive monster that gave her a teddy bear and made her sign a contract. In crayon. And gave her a soul. I take it all back. You’re unforgivable.”

Chibi Kaito twiched, still weirdly exhausted-- that memory had been kinda tough to find-- but waddling over to Alter Ego and- “Yow! I was being sarcastic! Don’t pull out my fur!”

໒( ⇀ ‸ ↼ )७///

໒( ᓀ ‸ ᓂ )=З ७/// 

Kokichi huffed, still a little wet in the eyes, but… He shook his head with a small smile, reaching over to ruffle Chibi Kaito’s hair--just as Katsuki had done to him that night--and nudged him to come over and stop harassing Alter Ego. 

“...I was really dumb. Contracts with minors are non-binding…”

Sniffling a little more, Kokichi sat back, tipping his head back against the mattress. “...somehow...I get the impression that I saved both our lives, that night. In the morning, I told Ikuo that someone had been to visit me, but...I think he thought I’d just had a vivid dream. A few days later, Katsuki-chan came to the castle to submit to an arrest for intending to kill me… No one really knew what to make of it, and I think a lot of people just thought she was kind of disturbed and was trying to report a thought crime...but my dad asked me about it and I confirmed everything. They couldn’t convict on intent, but they did still charge Katsuki-chan on breaking and entering.”

“...her answer’s changed throughout the years, ‘cause Katsuki-chan’s changed a lot, but...she told me that what she wanted was to protect people. To solve challenging problems in creative ways. I think she’s done really well on that…”

Kokichi closed his eyes for a moment before looking over at Alter Ego with a more serious gaze. “...can I ask for a promise? That if I ever really start acting monstrous...that you’ll stop me?”

The easiest promises to make were the ones you already knew you'd never have to follow through on. So, without missing a beat, Alter Ego nodded. “I swear it. You start hurting people on purpose? Your subconscious actions start hurting people en mass? You are ever inconsiderate about someone’s feelings for a few minutes? I will…” Alter Ego paused, “...send Hiro after you? It may take a minute. He’s very far away.”

“...or I’d change you.” Alter Ego said, a grim seriousness at that, not entirely pleased with that thought, but, “...it might take a lot. I may need help. But… there are likely ways to take your powers away from you, Kokichi. If it truly ever became an issue? I’d find out what those ways are. And you can be monstrous and… like,5’1? How tall are you? I think the world could take you, if I took away your superpowers.”

Chibi Kaito didn't agree. His husband was batman long before he became… no superheroes with Kokichi’s superpowers immediately came to mind. Martian Manhunter? Maybe? Either way, hsis husband was a future King. It’d take more than making him human to take him down. 

… and Chibi Kaito thought all this smugly, while he went and cuddled around a tearily blinking Chibi Kokichi on Big Kokihi’s lap, his smaller husband calming down along with the bigger one. There there. Chyuu.

“Thank you,” Kokichi sighed, though he knew how awful of a promise it was. Just like his initial thoughts earlier that day...having to fight against someone you cared about was a horrible thing. 

...and for all his talk of not wanting his powers...something in Kokichi was deeply scared of the possibility of his Empathy being taken away. Even if he’d only been aware of it for a few months...it was a part of him. Something that he’d had the majority of his life, and had likely influenced it more than Kokichi knew, even if it was dormant most of the time. Getting rid of his powers was...changing him too. 

It was a terrible thing to ask someone. But if Kokichi really was as powerful as people were saying...there needed to be some sort of failsafe. No one person should be all powerful with no checks. 

Safely keeping the chibis in his lap, Kokichi reached out to pet along Alter Ego’s body. “...so...we need to look through my memories to find out how exactly I’m making tethers?”

Alter Ego sighed, leaning into the pet, sitting on his legs as he settled in beside Kokichi, “That does feel like the next step. Honestly, I should have suggested it ages ago. I’d say I had a reason for holding back, but it honestly just didn’t occur to me. I think sometimes, because of my lifestyle, I focus so much on external abilities of empaths, I forget how much of it is just influencing your own mind when it’s convenient. I barely spend any time in my mind, these days.”

Looking up to Kokichi, they asked, “Are you up to continuing? How are you feeling? You can rest if you need to, this problem isn’t as urgent as I know it feels.”

Kokichi laughed softly. “Temp said something similar to me once. We were talking about exploring our own memories… It was full of sand, so I don’t think you’d enjoy it as much, but he showed me baby sea turtles hatching. I think...reliving, and showing others memories like that is a nice thing to practice…”

Sighing, Kokichi looked around his room, now much lighter, a proper, naturalistic nighttime, though with the moon finally shining in through the window. “...I think I should give it a break, for the night… With how down I got...I can imagine I’ll be feeling something of that in the morning. I hope it’s just a bit of a funk I can shake off… Don’t wanna worry my partners, especially since I won’t even know what I was upset about.”

He looked down at the chibis in his lap, Chibi Kaito comforting Chibi Kokichi, who seemed to be getting to the tailend of his depressive episode. He’d already worried one husband. 

Leaning down, Kokichi kissed both chibis on their overly large heads. “Sorry, you two.”

Chibi Kokichi seemed warmly comforted by the small kiss, curled into Kaito’s side, while Kaito had a small crisis of conscious as he fought the extremely strong desire to try to steal a proper kiss from Big Kokichi when he leaned down. He… he couldn't do that right now! Chibi Kokichi was right there. What if it made him jealous!?

...Chibi Kaito got a little smitten at the idea of a jealous Kokichi, fussing over him and maybe getting a little snarky with Big Kokichi… no, no, it’s fine, you two can share, there’s plenty of Kaito to go around…

...waaaaaah, except there wasn’t, he was so damn small!

Lots of emotions running through Chibi Kaito, at the moment. None of them resentment towards Big Kokichi’s sadness.

Alter Ego nodded, getting up to stretch. “Tomorrow, then, if you're up to it. We’ll figure out how you’re making your tethers, and then start working on a mechanism that’ll sever them. Slowly but surely, we will figure this out… and I suppose I’ll spend the night in my own mind, tonight. Let you relax without me. Goodnight, Kokichi.”

“Goodnight, Alter Ego. Again...thank you so much. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Chibi Kokichi was...a little less reserved when it came to absorbing knowledge from Big Kokichi--he was Kokichi, after all!--and with that came a certain awareness of Chibi Kaito’s feelings. So, with a small smile, still not up to big smiles yet, Chibi Kokichi reached out to gently turn Chibi Kaito’s face, capturing his lips in a kiss with a little ‘Chuu!’ sound. 

Kokichi snorted softly. What a weird life…

-

...Kokichi didn’t have another headache in the morning. But that didn’t mean it was a good morning. 

He woke up just briefly enough to note that it was light out before deciding that...no. Consciousness was not where he wanted to be. So he went right back to sleep.

-

Okay, so, Shuichi was working on his project in his study. Kaito had went down with breakfast with him this morning, Kokichi sleeping in-- that was fine, Kaito was going to make a second attempt to get him to eat soon.-- and eating with Shuichi and Tim, had gone on to walk Tim to school. 

On the way, Kaito talked to Tim about what he wanted to do with his summer. “Stick around here.”

“Yeah, but… camp sounds fun! You’d be able to spend time with the girls, and maybe meet some more new kids… you could show all these Dicean kids how to tie real knots! And repair rope! And… maybe not knifework? Don’t teach a bunch of Dicean kids to throw knives…”

“I don’t want to go.”

“Any particular reason why?”

“...” Tim gave his dad a side-eye, “No.”

“No?” Kaito sighed, “Nothing maybe our mom said or-”

“I’m supposed to look after you guys.”Tim said simply. “Especally my sibling.”

God he was seriously ready to just punch Maki in the fucking mouth- “All you’ll be doing this summer is watching us be half asleep and Miyako cry… like, a lot. None of which puts any of us in danger! If you go camping this summer, you get to skip all that stuff… maybe not the endless crying. I don’t know how long that goes on for. But me, Shuichi and Kokichi are all gonna-”

“Uncle Kokichi’s going to make it worse.” Tim said simply. “I need to be around to take care of Miyako when you’re taking care of him.”

“...” Kaito gripped his fists. Genuinely furious as he said, “I’m going to let you go to school this time. But we’re talking about this after school. And you’re in trouble.”

“Okay.” Timothy said, apparently unbothered. The rest of the trip to school tense, Kaito having no idea what to do or say right now, just knowing he was so god damn mad and he couldn’t knock this kids head in. Fuck.

Heading back to the castle, Kaito grabbed some breakfast and brought it upstairs for Kokichi. Alright. Food, tea. Kokichi seemed really tired when he tried to get him up this morning, so Kaito would just let him go back to sleep afterwards if he was just tired, but regardless. Food and tea.

...damn. What was he going to do about Tim. He couldn’t just let the kid say shit like that… grounding? Or maybe some sort of task… ugh…

Getting into the room and putting down the tray, he poured out the tea and brought it to Kokich’s bedside, “Heeeey...wake up beautiful. It’s tea time.”

...it was such bullshit. 

Kokichi knew what he was doing, what awful thing his brain was doing, but… Well, his therapist said you couldn’t always stop it. Some days would just be bad. And when they were bad...he should try and do something he enjoyed, or take a walk outside or...just any simple thing that wasn’t letting himself curl up under the covers and feel shitty about himself. 

...but it was really tempting to do just that. 

Kokichi stirred with a slight groan, but with a heavy sigh he started sitting himself up. His hair was in full form with bed head, but for how lively it was, it completely contrasted his eyes, downcast and...deadened, in a way. Down, no doubt. 

“...thank you, hun.” Kokichi reached out for the mug, not really...having it in him to say much else that he normally would’ve. Asking how Kaito was, and how his morning had been. If Shuuichi was working in his study, and how walking Tim to school was, and if anything funny happened in the dining hall this morning. Instead just...silently sipping his tea.

Uh oh. 

Kaito gave Kokichi a fond look, though he took the opportunity to really look him over. Now, what was this… feeling sick? Feeling depressed? Maybe just still half asleep? No, definitely not that last one, Kokichi has a hard time holding his head straight when he’s half asleep. No small tilt to the side this time. Sick? Maybe…

The look in his face suggested depressed though. Okay…

Kaito gave Kokichi a soft grin, reaching out and squeezing his leg slightly as he said, “You alright there, babe? You look a little in your head… unless you’re just feeling cruddy? Want me to grab you a painkiller?”

Another small sigh and Kokichi managed a small smile Kaito’s way. You’re allowed to have feelings, the full range, but you’re never only affecting yourself. “Sorry… I just...woke up feeling weird. Bad head day.”

He thought about explaining more, but...Kaito hated hearing that stuff. And...it wasn’t kind to say something like...Kokichi felt like he deserved to...be wiped from existence or something. He just felt...obtrusive and cruel and like he was making things worse for others, but in a different way than his usual thoughts focused on being a burden usually circled around in his head. 

“...after I eat… Could you help me to the backyard? I wanna...bring a book or something.”

Kaito beamed, grinning wide as he said, “Hell yeah! A backyard day! It’s super nice out today too, babe, it’s a good day for it. We even have some wind! That should be nice! Alright, let me grab your plate.” Kaito asked, bringing over the plate. 

Setting it down on the food tray Kaito pulled out from under the bed, he mused out loud, “Your physical therapy yesterday went really well… probably not quite up to stairs yet, though. Do you want me to bring a blanket down with us? Or did you want to just chill in the chair or on the grass?” Kaito paused, before laughing a little sheepishly, “Sorry, you only just got up, Don’t let me barrage you with questions. I’m just happy to see you. And maybe a little too caffeinated. I went to breakfast with Shuichi, and he asked me to get an expresso hazelnut with, like, three shots or something crazy like that? He wanted to smell it, and then watch me drink it. I guess he just wanted to live vicariously through me or something. I’m wired.”

Hopefully being out in the sun and among plants would help him feel a little better. The power of sunlight was not to be underestimated, both when it came to sunburns and mood lifting. And if it didn’t help him...at least he was gonna get some fresh air. 

Kokichi slowly started eating breakfast, more mechanically than anything. He probably should try to savor the food but...there were only so many spins on things he could try to push himself through before the weight of it all just made him want to give up. 

“...I think I’d like a blanket. I wanna sit in the grass for a while, but...might get uncomfortable,” Kokichi hummed after thinking for a moment. He managed another small smile at Kaito indulging their partner--Shuuichi was going to be over the moon to be able to drink coffee again once Miya was born--and...it was something. Not quite the interest and giggles the situation normally would’ve spurred. 

“Lemme know if you need to crash later… I can be alright on my own.”

Katio glanced at Kokichi, searching his face.

...yeah, leaving Kokichi alone was… maybe not the play today.

“I’ll be alright! I’ll do that fun thing of napping full of caffeine in the sun. My dreams are about to be wild.” Kaito chuckled, suddenly getting up and heading to the bookcase, “I’ll set up everything while you’re eating and all the other stuff you need to do. Which book did you want to bring?”

...what did he want to read? Really...Kokichi didn’t feel like reading at all, but he knew distracting himself was one of the best things he could do right now. So...something he could get absorbed in. Maybe one of his tour books? The ones with titles like, ‘Most Beautiful Places in Dicea’--he always got so wrapped up in beautiful sceneries…

Kokichi’s face crumpled a little. Something about that...about looking at places he’d never been...felt really bad. Again, not in a way he was used to, but...like he had visited them? But in a bad way? He...really didn’t understand, but...no non-fiction. 

“...can you get the first three volumes of ‘Bi-Weekly Girls’ Sakiko’? I feel like they always take longer to read than I expect, but I wanna make sure I won’t wanna take multiple trips back upstairs to get more…”

Kaito nodded, looking around the books… this? Pulling out the neatly organized series, Kaito looked at the cover image, a little surprised to see a cutesy, wide eyed, colorfully drawn girl smiling sweetly back at him. The style… “Hey! This is neat. This looks a lot like the shonen manga books that Byakuya got shipped from overseas for me. The ones I based my hair on? Neat… art styles a little different, but definitely the same, like, overall aesthetic. I might read this when you’re not reading it, babe.”

Grabbing an extra blanket they were hoarding in the closet, Kaito pulled out the wheelchair from the corner, placing it all by the desk, everything ready to go. Hell yeah. Some time out in the yard sounded amazing, really. He was gonna take such a caffeinated nap! It was gonna be so useless! 

Kokichi smiled slightly as he finished up breakfast and wriggled out of bed, heading over to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash up. “Yeah? I...actually have no idea where I got that series… I think someone might’ve given me the first volume as a birthday gift...or something. Maybe it came from overseas too?”

“...it’s really good. It’s about a high schooler that makes graphic novels and...just, the stuff him and the people around him get up to. Don’t wanna spoil it too much, if you’re gonna read it.” It wasn’t always written that way, but if Kokichi had to name a main character? Then it was actually the girl on the cover, who was a classmate of the author character and had a crush on him. But unlike some similar stories, it wasn’t exactly about their love story.

...it was funny and sweet, and something he could get sucked into without...thinking about much. 

With a sigh Kokichi tottered over to the closet, just picking out the first clothes he could find and haphazardly pulling them on before heading to his chair. ...it was a good sign that he didn’t feel tired and out of breath from moving around their room, but...Kokichi couldn’t bring himself to feel particularly happy about it.

Kokichi was down.

Kaito could just hear it in his voice. There was a lack of enthusiasm, even in relaying something he enjoyed. His husband was out of it. Kaito would… well, honestly, he’d probably ask about it down in the yard. If he asked now, Kokich could use the trip downstairs to dislodge the conversation, and Kaito would struggle to get it back on track. Better to trap him in one spot first, all ready to lounge for the morning, and then pounce. 

That was the thought process right now, anyway, as Kaito looked at the girl… “Heh. She’s got your eyes babe.” The prince chuckled, looking down before noting, “And your legs. You’re both cute little sticks. Hmmm…” Kaito raised an eyebrow, looking at the second cover, where the girl was sharing the cover art with some dude, “Guy looks kinda lame. Maybe just cause he’s sharing a space with her and she’s all colorful and stuff, but he kinda just looks like a boring jerk.”

Kokichi snorted softly, but there was something hollow in the sound. “She’s teased a little about being short too… But the guy on the other cover is kinda known for being tall. Kai-chan should know better than to judge a book by it’s cover...or a character by their cover art.”

Not that Kokichi really thought Kaito fit Zano’s personality. The leading guy was a total goofball, but played stoically and straight, which tended to make things even funnier. He was also, just...so oblivious. Not in social situations, really--that was reserved for a character that popped up in book two--but towards people’s desires, including his readers, which tended to result in situations of Zano trying to get inspiration for some wild arc that...really no one would want.

...Kokichi smiled a little, remembering the tandem bicycle scene between Zano and Kurasa. It was funny…

Kokichi tilted his head to the side, resting a bit on the back of the chair as they made their way downstairs, not really...paying attention to anything.

Kaito talked mindlessly about things on their way down, mostly regalling Kokichi with small examples of characters not matching their design from his own shonen manga, which somehow got him mildly complaining about one manga that he had been absolutely convinced he had worked out the plot twist too! Convinced of it! Kokichi, the main hero and the princess looked identical, they had to be secret siblings! The heroes mother died in his tragic backstory! The father never mentioned! The princess’s mother was never seen, even when the king was doing a big royal speech and so, obviously, she should have been in the background supporting him! But no! No queen! No father! Blond hair, purple eyes, same skin tone, same height.

“Buuut nooooo.” Kaito huffed, moving them out into the yard, “Instead they’re in love or whatever. I guess the character artist just had a real thing for that style… it’s been seriously, like, fifteen years since I read it, and I’m still salty about it. Why make two main characters look that much alike if the twist isn’t they’re related? Twins, Kokcihi! They could have been twins!”

Parking the chair, Kaito looked around the yard, grinning. It really was a gorgeous day out… before, with a sigh, he flopped down onto the grass next to Kokichi’s chair, staring at the sky before saying, “Hell yeah… this was a great idea, babe…”

Sitting up, he looked over at Kokichi, “Want me to put the blanket down now? Or you gonna join me in the grass here?”

At another time, Kokichi would be pitching in his own thoughts here and there, expanding on what Kaito had to say, even though his husband was very good at rambling all by himself. He might’ve commented on the pervasiveness of authors adding romance into stories sometimes, it seemed, just for the expectation of having characters be in a relationship, when there was no chemistry, or the story would’ve been more interesting with them having a different sort of relationship. 

But...Kokichi just kind of hummed now and then, agreeing or disagreeing with Kaito and just...indicating he was listening without sharing much. 

While Kaito headed over to a shady spot, Kokichi still felt the warmth of the sun on his legs as they went over. It was...nice, he guessed. He couldn’t really muster the feeling of wanting to bask… Maybe it’d come later. 

Taking a breath, Kokichi nodded slightly and got out of his chair, walking around Kaito to sit on his other side, since he didn’t want to be leaning against his chair. “...grass is good right now.”

He started to reach for the first volume of his series, intending to just...get to it right away. Try to distract himself and maybe trick his brain into feeling better.

“Mmmhm.” Kaito mused, immediately putting his arm around Kokichi’s waist, content, for the moment, to just let Kokichi lean against him, secure and relaxed, if not particularly happy.

He thought about bringing up Kokichi’s clearly down mood now, but… maybe he should just let him read a bit.

Leaning back against the tree they were both perched up against, Kokichi quietly reading through his book, leaning his head against Kaito’s shoulder as he did so, Kaito just watched the view for a bit, content to leave it quiet for now. Kaito still wanted to know what was up, but maybe Kokichi just needed some peace for a minute. He didn’t need to be interrogated right away.

...the breeze was nice.

The heat too. It wasn’t too warm, Kaito wasn’t sweating through his shirt, but the rays felt good on his legs and, after a moment, he kicked off his shoes and let it shone on his feet too, flexing his toes through the grass a bit before getting bored with that and just laying out. Birds were… somewhere. Kaito wasn’t sure where. Up, probably. But he could hear those little guys, outside and away from pecking distance, as it should be. Freaking birds… mean little shits. Nice to listen to though. Very pretty…

Time went by. Though he had been joking, at some point, Kaito actually had nodded off. And, as suspected, his dreams, caffeinated as they were, in the heat of the sun, got weird. 

But he wasn’t out very long, a small catnap, really, and when he woke up, Kokichi was on his second book, and, “...so… not to interrupt but… you said it was a bad head day? Do you wanna talk about it?”

...it was nice, getting back into the world of the weirdo students of Ionic High School, the antics in the drama club, the ragtag group becoming Zano’s publishing collective, and Kurasa’s desperate hopes to get Zano to notice her… It was a nice world. No stakes too high, and while the characters did have issues, nothing ever seemed too pressing. Just a deadline to post the next chapter of Zano’s story in the literary magazine. 

Kokichi...did feel a little more relaxed as he read, the chirps of distant birds and the nearer sounds of Kaito’s deep sleep breathing, creating a pleasant soundtrack. But...he wasn’t really...sure if he was feeling better.

And as Kaito woke up and asked about it...Kokichi wasn’t even sure if he wanted to talk about it. But with Kaito… 

Kokichi sighed softly. “...I don’t even know where this really came from… I’m not...down because of anything, I think. So...that’s one less thing to worry about, I suppose. But...I know you don’t like hearing this sort of stuff… It’s not fair to stress you out when there’s...nothing really to be resolved.”

Kaito blinked a little sleepily, still waking up, looking at the spots in the tree leaves above where the sunlight broke through… “Did someone tell you that you shouldn’t stress me out? When? I’m gonna pop them in the mouths… that’s literally, like, half my job. To help you feel better when you’re down. Which I can’t do if you don’t feel okay talking to me.”

“And we don’t have to solve anything… you can just vent. Tell me what you’re thinking. Sometimes it helps to just say things aloud…” Kaito shrugged a little, “I always feel better when I say things aloud, anyway. Makes it all feel less… huge and consuming. More manageable… I think, anyway.”

Kokichi frowned softly, setting his book to the side and just...resting his head on Kaito’s arm. “No one told me to. But...it was something we were talking about in therapy. How I can express myself when I’m feeling down...and things you don’t like...without...traumatising you.”

He sighed. Apparently going to talk to Kaito anyway. 

“...I don’t really get it. I feel...down. But...in a way that...that’s so different from how I usually feel when I’m down? And...still, I don’t know where it’s come from. And even when I try to sort it out in my head, it doesn’t make sense. And so I just...feel like shit.”

Kaito frowned. They really did need to do more relationship therapy. Giving Kokichi a small kiss against his temple, he said gently, “Babe, that doesn’t mean not telling me stuff. I think that mostly means, don’t…” Kaito frowned, looking away from him, “...maybe don’t scream it at me and stuff. I mean, do it if you have too, but… talking about things that stress you out doesn’t hurt me. Just, ya know… I don’t know. I’m fine. You can talk to me.”

Kaito didn’t know how to express that the only times Kokichi had ‘traumatized’ him wasn’t when they were talking things out, but it was more these… big, scary speeches, Kokichi sometimes made. Rarely. Only three times came to mind, and the second time wasn’t so much a speech as much as Kaito just remembering how helpless and afraid he had felt, thinking of Kokichi’s first dramatic speech and thinking this was going to be part two of it, the look on Kokichi’s face curled in the closet with his teddy bear so similar to that night in the green house. And Kokichi hadn’t meant to do any of those things…

But Kaito didn’t know how to express ‘You make scary death monologues that I don’t know how to handle and makes me think you’re literally about to die in the next few seconds’. 

So he settled on ‘screaming’.

Listening as Kokichi began to explain… or, expressed how he was struggling to explain, Kaito nodded, giving his husband a small squeeze, as he said, “Well, maybe we can untangle it together? Any starting places? Are there any, like… particular thoughts that are making you feel down? Even if they shouldn’t?”

Kokichi nodded softly. He knew that just not talking about it wasn’t an answer but… Sure, there were kinder ways to phrase things, even if it took extra effort to calm down for a bit so he could think of those better ways. But...he really didn’t know any way to express, ‘I’m feeling suicidal’ that...wouldn’t deeply disturb Kaito. 

In fairness, it was a pretty disturbing thing. 

Closing his eyes, Kokichi...tried to explain the weird knot of feelings in his head. “...I feel...too big.”

“...so often, when I’d get bad thoughts in the past...I would always circle around...how useless and incapable I was. That no one would ever want to rely on me...or trust me. But this…”

His brow furrowed, struggling with this concept. “...it’s not...exactly like feeling I’m...overly-capable. It’s not a direct opposite. But...it’s like...there’s so much I’m able to do...and I wield it so clumsily...and with ignorance of what I’m actually doing, and how it affects people...that it’s like being a giant standing in a diorama. And any slight movement will just...crush and destroy everything.”

“...and I don’t know why I feel like that.”

Kaito listened to this… before asking, genuinely curiously, “...I mean… maybe you’re just thinking about what it’s going to mean to be King someday? Leader? Big Boss, whatever you guys want to call it.” he asked, giving Kokichi a soft grin, not nearly as alarmed with this fear as some of Kokichi’s earlier ones. Probably because he still wasn’t aware Kokichi was feeling suicidal today, but also, like… this was a type of concern he was somewhat more familiar with! In a general sort of way.

“Though, you’re hardly clumsy with your responsibilities. You do a lot of good, difficult work, and from the way I understand it, you excel at it.” Kaito mused, “Sure, past success doesn’t guarantee future success, and all that jazz, but… it’s sure as heck not a bad sign, for how you’ll be as leader.”

“...maybe?” Though, Kokichi sounded about as convinced as he felt--not very. He was nervous about being the leader, sure, but...it was the kind of anxiety that didn’t tend to bother him much. It was something he was looking forward to, one day. 

“...I’d hope that because I’m so conscious of it, I wouldn’t end up using my position to hurt people, either through a misguided idea or ignorance… And I know there are a lot of people who’d be able to stop me if I headed down that track.” ...people stopping him… It was a relief, but...also something profoundly...sad and scary. 

Kokichi sighed. “...that’s just...part of it? Like...I’m the giant in the diorama, but...the people who live in the diorama...it’s not expected that there’s a giant there. There are bigger people, sure, some with even surprising amounts of power and influence...but nothing that even comes close to what I am. So different that...there’s barely a way to describe me, and solutions that don’t even have a tangential answer.”

“...so...I’m just…” Kokichi’s voice softened, feeling his emotions clearly, even if he didn’t know where they came from. “...I’m just some...freakish monster...who just by breathing can demolish a town… A novelty. That people want to...study and experiment with like this isn’t a life I’m living…”

“...and because what I can do is so dangerous...I don’t want to move. But I can’t stay perfectly still forever because...that’s just not how bodies work. So I…” Kokichi shrank down against Kaito’s side, voice softening even more. “...I wish that someone would just...take me away. So I wouldn’t exist anymore. Because the world doesn’t need some...freak of nature like me…”

Kaito peered down at him.

“...okay.” He said.

Then he scooped Kokichi up and, with a determined, cheerful look, got walking.

Kokichi’s eyes widened in slight worry before he looked up at Kaito. “...where are we going?”

“...I’m sorry… I know it’s scary stuff...but I...really don’t know where it’s coming from…” Kokichi tucked himself slightly against Kaito’s chest. “...if I scared you...please tell me. I’m...sorry for saying stuff like that…”

Kaito shrugged a little, “I don’t know. I haven't decided yet. I’ll let you know where we’re going when I think of it… maybe.” Kaito mused. 

“And I’m not scared, Kokichi.” Kaito grinned down at Kokichi, a strong, confident look in his eyes, something almost a little… mean in them as he said, “I’m a prince of Luminary. And my husband is feeling all big and scary, and wants someone to take him away, so his big scary influence doesn’t hurt anyone, a burden on people… dope! Just the excuse I was looking for! Looking forward to this!”

As they got to the gate, Kaito still holding Kokichi cheerfully in his arms, he said passing the guards, “Don’t mind me. Kidnapping the prince. We’ll be back… whenever.”

...that was how he was feeling, but…

Kokichi’s brow furrowed. “...it was a metaphor...the best way to describe...whatever it is I’m feeling right now. ...I don’t want my books to get messed up…” ...he really liked those books. 

“...making me scared for you isn’t gonna make me feel better either. It just gives me something new to get all coiled in my chest.” 

But as he thought about that...Kokichi’s upset expression just deepened. Because he’d freaked out Kaito trying to explain his own emotions and...when Kaito freaked out, Kokichi put all his own feelings on the wayside, leaving him feeling empty and unresolved but...Kaito was allowed to feel his emotions too, and express them, and if he wasn’t allowed to express his own fear when Kokichi explained his own, that was just...so manipulative and selfish and…

...fuck, he hated himself.

...at least this was a more familiar feeling.

Kaito paused at this, having been kind of hoping the guards would make him turn back, or Kokichi would get pushy, or something where Kaito could reassure Kokichi his influence wasn’t a bad thing… and he sighed. Not ready to follow through on actually bringing Kokichi into town without his chair. Not able to make himself an easy villain to beat to bolster Kokichi’s confidence… in fact he had…

Kaito frowned, “...for me? Why are you scared for me? I have all the power here, Kokichi. I’m not afraid of you.” he said, giving Kokichi a confused look. “Or, that was the point… obviously I don’t actually have all the power, but you’re far from some… big, dangerous thing. Even as the prince. You’re not overwhelming… is that not what you were trying to say?”

“I know you’re not afraid of me...but you can be afraid of you. Making mistakes you’ll regret...or even things you can stand behind, but have consequences you’ll regret…”

Kokichi huffed, pressing his hands over his eyes, hiding the slight frustrated redness in his face. “No. It was just...the best way I could describe this. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. There’s...fucking, no reason to. There’s nothing in my life, real or imaginary, that would be making me feel like this--and I’ve never felt like this before! But I do, and it’s frustrating and annoying and it makes me feel even more frustrated and annoyed because I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this, and I’m taking it out on you and that makes me feel even worse.”

“...I don’t know what’s going on,” Kokichi desperately murmured. “Sometimes I feel like I’m just going crazy…”

“You are not taking it out on me.” Kaito said, frustrated, as they headed back to the yard, the tree undisturbed, along with all of their things. “I just… thought it might help to see how you’re not dangerous. Even when you do have power! Which you’ve always had power, babe. Real power, not imaginary. Those guards at the gate would answer to you before they answered to me, if they answered to me at all. That’s power. Your power. If you’re feeling scary and powerful, I don’t see what other source there could be… and you’d never use those guards to hurt me. Or anyone. Or, like, literally anything. I can imagine you accidentally knocking over a fence and apologizing profusely to it. Don’t ask why that particular image comes to mind! I don’t know! Now I’m just imagining you apologizing to a fence on the ground!”

Kaito pouted, placing Kokichi down… before sighing. “I’m sorry. That was a stupid, overdramatic gesture. I make those. It’s fine if your feelings don’t make sense. Let me put the blanket down… you really don’t see the leadership position as a position of power? You're sure that’s not where this is coming from?” Kaito asked, genuinely. He didn’t understand it, but if that’s really not what this was… well, he was willing to believe Kokichi. He’d just have to look at this differently. 

Kokichi really did feel like he was taking this out on Kaito...but if his husband was insisting, then trying to insist back would only make it another fight between them. It wasn’t that Kaito wasn’t allowed to want to help out when Kokichi was feeling bad--that wasn’t being a burden. But...it was emotional stress that he was putting on his husband, when there were likely better ways for Kokichi to communicate but...he just...didn’t know how. 

Shaking his head a bit, Kokichi just...sort of shrugged. “...I know being leader is a position of power. I hold, and I will hold, a lot of influence over people. But...nothing about that...feels like how I’m feeling. When I get nervous about that it’s more...what I’m used to. Feeling scared about letting people down. Not being enough, while this...is like feeling like I’m too much. I don’t know…”

“...what if I am going crazy?” Kokichi whispered. “Like...when I told you about...all those thoughts that feel like me...but like I’m missing something. It...could just be stress but… Sometimes it just feels like...there’s a whole chunk of my life that I’m just...missing.”

Putting out the blanket, Kaito went to Kokichi, picked him up, put him on the blanket, put his books beside him… and then just, again, FLUMPED onto his back. Arms spread out, legs spread out, staring up into the tree. But this time, the feeling given off by this was huffing exasperation rather then joy at the beautiful day, as he said, “You’re not crazy. That’s just your bullshit excuse of a childhood getting into your head again. You were never crazy.”

Closing his eyes, he said, “... okay. Hypothetically. Hypothetically, let’s just pretend that you’re some big, scary presence that you’ve mostly forgotten about but remember just enough to freak you out and make you feel like a danger to others… or something? Am I getting closer?”

Kokichi pouted a little. He hadn’t been crazy… He just had a lot of explainable issues that...he hadn’t had help with, and hadn’t accepted any help with. But this…

Glumly, Kokichi brought his legs up and rested his chin on his knees, not trying to hide--(you already did that)--but just...resting. He...hadn’t been thinking about it like that at all, but...now that Kaito mentioned it. “...that...feels right, yeah. It…”

His brow furrowed, confused and frustrated, but...edging away from hopelessness. “...it doesn’t always feel big and scary...or. Always big, yeah. But...sometimes...it’s okay. But upon seeing the whole scope...which I can’t even remember...it’s terrifying. And I feel...wrong.”

“Freakish monster, right?” Kaito asked, remembering Kokichi’s initial confession.

Kokichi nodded slightly, before hesitating. “...not...really a monster… But...it doesn’t feel right.”

“Because you’re powerful?” Kaito asked, “Or because you’re dangerous?”

Kokichi closed his eyes, quiet for a moment. “...dangerous because I’m powerful. Those things are...always hand in hand. If you have the ability to change things...then you have the ability to change things for the worse. To hurt people.”

“...or to help them.”

He lowered a hand, tracing the soft texture of the blanket. “...there’s always merit in trying to help. And...even ignorance is better than malicious action… But...the intent of...trying to help doesn’t make things better if they hurt people anyway. That hurt still happened. And the greater the power you wield...the more potential there is for that hurt to be...devastating. I don’t want...to devastate anything.”

Kaito sighed, before turning over onto his side and, with a dry, determined look on his face, grabbed Kokchi’s wrist and firmly placed his husbands hand on his head. 

Pets. He wanted pets. Now. 

“...have you been…” Kaito knew this was a foolish question, because Kokichi didn’t know why he felt like this, so obviously he wouldn’t remember its source, but he still felt compelled to ask, “...have you been doing some cool ass, super powerful shit without me? Like, my husbands been doing some epic, devastating shit, and I didn’t even get to watch?”

Kokichi opened his eyes with a sigh, somehow...feeling a little better. But still...so confused. Gently, he started to pet Kaito’s head, running his fingers through his hair and every now and then letting his nails gently graze his scalp, not trying to scratch. 

“If I was doing cool, super powerful shit, you’d be the first person I’d tell. I don’t wanna keep big secrets from you… the extent I would would be birthday surprises, and yours isn’t for months.” Though Tim’s was coming up. Maybe he’d enjoy having a sleepover with the girls before they went to camp?

(...)

Kokichi’s brow furrowed, his hand slowing down slightly. “...unless...it was...going to put you in danger? But still...that doesn’t feel right to me. If you were gonna be in danger, but I was still messing with it...knowledge could only help you avoid danger.”

“Good. Not to be entitled, babe, but considering all the day to day stuff I do, I’d be really annoyed if you were off having cool, epic adventures when I’m not looking, that I didn’t even get to watch. Like… I want to see and get to do big, cool things too. I don’t want to be left behind trying to figure out what’s going on or… just sorta waiting for you to be done with your big cool thing and hoping you might tell me about it… or…”

Kaito’s brow furrowed. He had been trying to tell a joke, but something painfully true had hurt him halfway through saying it. A little frustrated with himself, he closed his eyes, feeling those soft, light scratches against his skull, which felt really nice… “...anyway, my point is, I think it’d be cool, if you were actually capable of the sort of stuff you’re implying. My husband, able to wield the sort of power that could both help or devastate people? To the point where you’re a novelty? ...That’d be amazing, babe.”

And Kaito thought was already, like, kind of true, just based on who Kokichi was. But Kokichi didn’t see it that way, so… he said like it was a hypothetical, “Power would be sexy on you… and the world would be better off for it, if you did have that. Or, at the very least Dicea would be. Cause you’re an Ouma. That’s, like… your guys’s whole thing, ya know? Taking care of Dicea. That’s a hell of a lot of responsibility. Having the powers to match it would be, ya know… really helpful. And cool. And sexy. Did I mention power is sexy, yet?”

Kokichi glanced down at Kaito something...a little sad in his gaze. He didn’t want Kaito to feel like...he was always waiting on other people, never getting to have his own adventures. That he was a character in someone else’s story, rather than being the main character of his own. If given the option? Kokichi would much rather do big cool things with Kaito, rather than telling him about it later. 

But...Kokichi wasn’t actually doing that kind of stuff anyway. Though the adventure of regular life was always fun to go through. 

Sighing, Kokichi smiled down at his husband, a little exasperated, but...in a fond way. “You might’ve mentioned it. Responsibility can be...daunting.”

“...maybe I’m just worried about making the wrong choices… It’s a really roundabout feeling for something so common, though…”

...Kokichi’s eyes went far away for a moment. “...if I did have...weird superpowers or something...you really wouldn’t...be scared, or think I’m weird?”

“What kind of superpowers? Can we do anything fun with them? And by fun, I mean it in the horny way.” Kaito mused, mostly just trying to make Kokichi laugh by this point. Elaborating, “Like, I know it’d be tough, logistically, but if you’re capable of flight, dammit, we have got to find a sexy way to use that. I’m not sure how… everything I’m imagining would require you to have super strength along with it… hmmmm…”

But, hearing the oddly serious tone in the last question, Kaito thought about it a little more seriously.

“...I’d probably think Atua gave you powers for a reason.” Kaito reasoned out, shifting onto his back and looking up at Kokichi, “You are one of his chosen royal family. I know that doesn’t mean anything to you, but like… Atua doesn’t interfere, but we’re supposed to. If the universe gave you extra ability, maybe they just need you to be extra helpful.”

Kokichi snorted softly. “With any kind of superpowers, I think if there was anyone to find a sexy use for them, it’d be you. And if I was capable of flight, I’d hope I’d remember that.”

But after the jokes...Kokichi’s gaze softened, and he paused giving Kaito’s head pets for a moment, shifting to lie down beside his husband before resuming them. “...I really love hearing you talk about...I guess your personal philosophies. Having Atua in your life...you always sound so...at peace with things. It’s...really reassuring.”

“...sorry for having such a weird day...but thank you for talking it through with me.”

“Eh, it’s alright. Could have been weirder. I could have successfully kidnapped you a half hour ago. Had to work out what to do next… get a hotel room? Oooooh, that could have been fun… just get to escape the castle for a night…”

Kaito closed his eyes again, feeling Kokichi’s small hands run through his hair… “It’s gonna be kind of tough to be Atuan in Dicea. Even with a temple, whenever that’s finished being built.” Kaito admitted, something sad in the admission, “The Atuans here… it’s a different branch of the religion, essentially. We all worship the same god, but in… very different ways. And with different ideas of who he is and… I don’t really mind mind. It all boils down to the same thing: he’s a kind god who wants to help, but doesn’t want to control us. That’s the core of it for both Luminous and Dicean worshippers. But… it was… kinda tough, watching Odette and Savannah be told Atua was a minor god primarily used to protect sex workers. That’s… not what he is, at home.”

“It’s an adjustment.” Kaito shrugged, “But that doesn’t change my faith. Just sorta… changes how I worship. That’s all…” 

“Everything’s gonna be okay, ‘Kichi. Sometimes things are just… dramatically different. Things you thought were big and powerful become… small and less. And, I guess, sometimes the sickly Dicean prince wakes up one morning feeling like a big, powerful imposing monster.” Kaito grinned, opening his eyes and, curling his arms around Kokichi’s stomach, pulling him in a little to give him kisses on his cheek and neck as he said, “The mighty and powerful Kokichi. Everyone beware. Less he turn his big, doe eyes on you and call you a bad name… or something. Maybe slap you with some legislation. All mighty and powerful like~!”

“Shuu-chan would get all pouty that we didn’t take him… Or maybe he’d splay out in bed and not have a second thought.”

...it was interesting, how different the Atuan religion was from country to country. Sure, religions could vary wildly from each other...but it tended to be completely different, if just in the names for things. Not different meanings for the same names. 

...in Luminary...Atua might’ve been elevated to an all-encompassing creator for political reasons...but that meaning became special for the people who believed. Not having those political spurs in Dicea...it wouldn’t be that same comfort. Especially for young girls who had already had one perception of their religion ripped away. 

...hopefully they would be able to find some peace in it still. It wasn’t the same, but...maybe Kaito and those girls could still worship in the way they were used to, together.

Kokichi smiled into the kisses Kaito laid upon him, giggling slightly as...things that seemed big and powerful and scary became smaller and less intimidating. Smacking a few kisses against Kaito’s cheeks...Kokichi wasn’t sure why he thought of this, but it provoked another snort from him. 

“...did you know, when I was little, I wrote up a contract to legally transfer ownership of one of my teddy bears to Katsuki-chan? I don’t mess around with legislation--it’s a threat to be reckoned with.”

“Oh nooooooo, that’s fucking adorable.” Kaito groaned, leaning his head into the crook of Kokchi’s neck, just shaking his head into his skin as he said, “That’s not fair, babe, you can’t just lay that on me out of nowhere. It’s too cute. Ugh.”

Shifting onto his elbows, he looked down at his husband, leaning down to give him a few kisses before sighing, “That’s too cute… think she still has it? She must, it’d be tragic to get rid of a toy you got like that. It’s such a cute story.”

Kokichi looked up at his husband with soft adoration, gently slinging an arm around his neck to keep idly tracing his fingers along Kaito’s nape. “I have a feeling she does. Katsuki-chan isn’t...she does really seem like someone who’s struck much by sentimentality, but...she treats that sort of stuff seriously. I mean...if she held onto one of my dad’s pocket cloths for ten years to gift it back to him, I think it’d be pretty reasonable to think she still has that bear. Maybe even the contract too.”

Closing his eyes, Kokichi grinned a bit. “I had...no idea how to file a contract. So I gave it to her like a license card to prove that the bear was hers, and no one could accuse her of stealing it.” 

“I really thought that’s how you solved all problems--writing up paperwork. I can remember sitting in Aiichi’s office, watching, fascinated, as he just...did paperwork. I did it for Hideki too...though after a while, he started giving me, like… I really think he wrote up play-pretend forms for me to fill out. I can’t remember for the life of me what they said, but I scribbled all over them,” he softly laughed.

“That’s cute…” Kaito said, turning his head and kissing at Kokichi’s arm, pleased his husband wanted to touch him in small ways. Their conversations didn’t always go smoothly, but… well, at least on Kaito’s end of it, he always eventually felt better to have gotten it all out there. 

Even with the memorial garden incident, and the greenhouse incident-- man, Kaito had to start avoiding plant-places, they kept leading to traumatic nights--, like… it would have, in the long term, been way harsher than if they had never talked about those things at all. Kokichi might have killed himself in one incident, otherwise, and may have, ya know, potentially killed Kaito’s brother in another. Important things like that needed to be talked about, before they were acted on, probably. 

“I was required to stand in on a lot of, like, courts? Like, the things that made it allllll the way up to my father, which, let me tell you, was not something you wanted to happen. If your issue hadn’t been resolved by the lesser courts, and you were presenting at the royal court itself? In my fathers throne room? Something was about to go down. It’d get… wild, sometimes.” Kaito chuckled, shaking his head, “But when we were little, if the throne room wasn’t in use? Byakuya, Kaede and I used to go in there and, like, have little mock court sessions and stuff. Sometimes the servants would get roped into it, our nannies and stuff, just anyone who was around, playing out roles if we asked them too. Other kids would join in sometimes. Usually it was just us three though, making up wild cases and even wilder resolutions. I cannot tell you how many times I was executed in that room. I was always the one getting executed! I wasn’t even the one at trial once! I got executed for making a joke in the sidelines. It was totally unjust.”

It probably wasn’t going to be...like, a wonderful day. But Kokichi was feeling more like a person, and after how he’d been feeling, that was the most he could ask for. And spending the day in an easy way, chatting with Kaito...well, he’d have a great time doing that even on a day he was bursting with energy and enthusiasm. 

“Unbelievable,” Kokichi huffed, lifting his head a little to peck Kaito’s lips. “I would never execute you. Only fair, just trials for you, ending in community service of making me pancakes.”

“...it makes total sense but...kids really will try to copy everything they see. I can only imagine the sort of stories you three came up with in the court…” Kokichi closed his eyes, just...not up to thinking too deeply about it. “...I wonder what sort of stuff Miya’s gonna pick up from us. It might be another round of paperwork from me… I can imagine her setting up some fantastic mystery to solve, so she can be a great detective like Shuu-chan. ...pff. Or setting up her toys having a bunch of crises, and suddenly stepping up like a big hero to manage everyone like you.”

Kaito… tried to imagine what his kid would copy from him and… wasn’t as optimistic about the result as Kokichi was. 

Maybe she’d enjoy painting figurines?

Ignoring the painful way his stomach sunk at that, Kaito grinned, “Awww… trying to do forms and paperwork and being a little leader like her daddy… that’s super cute. I bet she will. And yessss, can you imagine? Hell, I’ll help her play little detective. Be her character witness, her dead body, and the perpetrator!”

Leaning down to kiss Kokichi’s cheek a bit, he said, “I wonder what she’s gonna end up wanting to be… most kids wanna be everything, at one point or another, but I feel like all of us have that one, big childhood dream, ya know? I wonder what that’ll be for her… maybe she’ll want to grow up to be a leader? Not an Ouma, or a Luminary Queen, that’s going to be out of her reach, but like… something else, ya know? Leading something. That could be cool… or maybe she’ll want to be a dishwasher. Now that’s a tough job to get, trust me.” Kaito snickered, shaking his head and resting his forehead against Kokichi’s shoulder with a small groan.

“Until the twist, of course,” Kokichi nodded knowingly. “You were set up! And Detective Miyako is the only one you can confide in, so she can find the real culprit. Which, who knows, might also be you.”

Kokichi still never wanted his daughter to have a political life, but...a leader on a smaller scale? ...he would be so proud… Though, he’d be proud of whatever she wanted to do. 

“You could be her first employer, be a reference for such a vaunted position down the line,” Kokichi grinned, stroking the back of Kaito’s head as he hid and kissing the shell of his ear. “You could make dinner, our resident head chef, and she could help do dishes afterward. Some very impressive experience for her resume.”

“...she’s really gonna adore you,” Kokichi murmured, closing his eyes. “...call it a hunch, or...another one of those weird things that I don’t remember, but...that’s what I feel from the bottom of my heart. She’s gonna think you’re just...incredible.”

“...she’ll get that from me, I guess.”

Kaito grinned at that, “Yeah? You think so? I hope so… I mean, obviously, I hope she loves all of us. And why wouldn’t she? We’re gonna be the most kickass parents you’ve ever seen. No mistakes. Obviously.” Kaito said, rolling his eyes a little, “Totally reasonable expectation, right? Easy.”

“But I hope…” Kaito hesitated, before sighing, “I guess I just hope I don’t find some way to mess it up. It’s been on my mind a lot, lately. How to mess up being a parent. Sometimes it seems like you could have literally everything going for you, no serious obstacles for being there for your kid, and you… still mess it up. And… I just can’t think anyone goes into it, wanting to mess it up, ya know? I can’t imagine that. No one goes in thinking ‘hey, how can I just… completely… screw up my kid for life. Let’s do that today. And for the next few years.’ Right?”

“...maybe it’ll be easier for me to avoid that. I don’t have some big responsibility already, unlike our parents, ya know? Other than raising Tim and being there for you guys, which in my head, is all part of raising Miyako anyway, ya know? Good home life, good parent, sort of thing… fuck, I don’t want to screw it up…”

Kokichi’s expression softened, and he pressed another kiss to Kaito’s ear. “It’s really scary… We’re gonna be responsible for this tiny little person that is gonna be learning how to be a person from us. We want the best for her, and it’s hard not to feel like...well, we ourselves fall short of the best, so what if we fail her? But we’re always improving what’s our best...and I think that’s pretty damn good. Between the three of us...I think Miyako’s gonna have all she’ll need. Until something comes out of left field like it always does.”

A lot of parents did their best, and it wasn’t enough. But...if you went into parenting with that mindset...then you wouldn’t be enough. You had to believe it, and be willing to listen to help and the specific needs of your kid. 

Sighing softly, Kokichi scratched the bit of Kaito’s shoulders he could touch above his shirt collar. “I think...it’s the same thing as my worries about being a good leader. You’re so...aware of wanting to do Miyako right, so...I think you will. You’re focused. And Kai-chan with a plan is a force to be reckoned with.”

“...our daughter’s never going to go a day thinking she’s unloved or that she doesn’t matter. I...kinda have a feeling we’re gonna ram it down her throat so much it’s gonna be terribly annoying. But she will always know she has our love and support. And from there...we can always figure out the next step together.”

Another kiss against Kaito’s ear. “You won’t screw it up. With Kai-chan’s will and wishes to succeed...I don’t think there’s any possibility you could fail.”

Kaito laughed, hugging Kokichi a little tighter as he said, “Well, if an Ouma says it, I suppose that’s as much of a ringing endorsement as I could need. It’ll be okay… everything’s always eventually okay.”

Kaito shifted again, resting his head on Kokichi’s shoulder blade a little. He just needed to do his best to be a good parent, and hopefully it’d end up being enough… speaking of which. “Babe? I might be gone most of the afternoon with Tim today. Maybe a little into the evening as well. Should I ask Ikou or Hajime or someone to check in on you? Make sure you get dinner and stuff?”

Everything was always eventually okay. Spring always came. 

“Some father-son bonding time today? Hell yeah,” Kokichi hummed, rubbing Kaito’s back. “...I don’t think I can take the stairs. So...I would appreciate someone checking on me for dinner.”

“...do you think we could stay out here until lunch? Now that I’ve started reading them again, I wanna finish the books I brought...maybe I’ll read more later too. You can start reading the first now, if you want--I think you might get a kick out of ‘em.”

“Until Tim gets home from school, I’m all yours babe. We can do whatever ya feel like.” Kaito easily agreed, glancing at the book in question, “Mmmm, yeah, why not. Is it a sexy book?” Kaito joked, grinning as he winked at Kokichi, “If so, I maaaay pretend the chick is you. I guess I can be the big boring looking guy.”

Kokichi gave his husband a flat look, internally rolling his eyes a little. “It’s the sexiest. I’m a little shocked I’m okay with reading these in public, with how sexy they are. Just absolute smut. It’s a wonder it even got published for general audiences.”

Kaito smirked. “Sounds like a good time. I’m looking forward to it.” before leaning down and giving his husband an affectionate kiss. Perfectly happy with this.

-

Kaito told Haneda she had the rest of the day off, he was gonna do stuff with Tim. When she asked what, he said ‘parent stuff’. When she asked what that meant, he said ‘Like… like take care of my kid for an afternoon?’. When she asked for clarification again, Kaito said ‘Look, come on, just let me be a dad??? He’s going to do his homework, eat dinner, and then we’re having a stern talk, okay???’

Haneda, eventually, conceded, and Kaito sat down with Tim to do his homework.

“I thought I was in trouble?”

“You are.”

“I don’t feel in trouble.”

“We’re running laps after dinner.”

Timothy sighed, pausing over his math, in no way unfamiliar with this type of punishment as he asked, “How long?”

“Till I get tired.”

Another long sigh.

-

Homework was done, dinner was had, outfits were changed, and after checking in on Shuichi and Kokichi before he left, the two headed out. 

It was easy at first. Kaito wasn’t exactly sprinting to begin with, and both of them were extremely fit, by this point. They didn’t talk about much, just kept running through town, through the gardens, through trails. 

It was when they started getting to the farmlands that Timothy said, voice panting a little, “I can outrun you. This isn’t going to work.”

Voice steady, breath even, Kaito said back, “Kid, I really can’t express to you, how much you underestimate me.”

“I didn’t say anything wrong.”

“What you said was unkind. And offensive to someone I care about deeply. And, also, just not true.”

“You’re just saying that because he’s your prince-husband and you have too.”

Kaito sighed, a small twitch. He didn’t indulge the insult, and they kept running in silence.

More time went on. The sky was turn orange, and then purple. Timothy was starting to sweat. It was unclear where they were by this point. No doubt in someone’s fields, as he said, “... this is stupid. What if I just stop running.”

“Then I’ll have to think of something else.” Kaito said, voice only a little choppy by this point. Still keeping an even pace. “And all this effort we’ve done will be wasted.”

They slowed down a little though. Timothy was starting to pant, and Kaito was sweating through his clothes.

They were losing the light, and Timothy said, “I hate this. I hate you.”

“You shouldn’t say things you don’t mean, when you’re in a foul mood. That’s why we’re in this mess in the first place.”

“I do mean it. I wish mom was here. I wish you had gone away. But you can’t, because Prince Kokichi can’t do anything by himself. That’s why you can’t do anything but take care of him.”

“I seem to have plenty of time to do this.”

More silence. More running.

Timothy was starting to get frustrated. His running was getting slow and messy. The sun was basically set, and they were running in the dark. They hadn’t gone in a circle, it was straight out, and Timothy couldn’t get out of his head that they still had to get back, and his legs hurt, and his breath was short, and was starting to get furious-

He tripped and fell.

“Woah! Kid, you good?” Kaito said, stopped and immediately going back, kneeling down to check on him. 

“Go away!” Timothy screamed, grabbing a handful of dirt and throwing it at Kaito’s face, who closed his eyes and put a hand up to shield himself, but otherwise kept still as Tim shouted, “You’re so stupid! This is so stupid! We’re all the way out in the middle of nowhere, it’s been hours, and we still have to go back! How am I supposed to get back!?”

Kaito considered him, before asking, “Can you not walk?”

Timothy made a furious, angry sobbing sound, glaring at him.

“Try to walk.” Kaito prompted.

“I hate you.” Timothy vowed, trying to stand up, his legs shaking… before he collapsed again. Hitting the ground with his fists in frustration as he said, “I hate you, I hate you! You’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me! You’re not my dad, you’re an idiot playing pretend! I have to be around to be a big brother because if all Miyako has is you than her life is gonna suck because you suck!”

Kaito looked at him a bit… before sighing. “I’m sorry, kid. I know I’m not around as often as I should be… I’m trying to make more time for you… but I’m still learning how to do this parent stuff. And it’s not Uncle Kokichi’s fault. I need you to stop saying things like that, it’s hurtful. More than you can know. And it’s not true.”

“He’s weak. He shouldn’t be the leader of our family! He shouldn’t be the leader of anything.”

“That’s not true, Tim.” Kaito said again. “Kokichi’s one of the strongest people I know. Right up there with your mom.”

“You’re stupid.”

“Maybe.” Kaito conceded. “Can you walk?”

Timothy cursed, before trying to get up again. He took one step, too… and then collapsed on his butt again. “...how am I gonna get home?” Timothy said, sounding entirely like he was talking to himself.

Kaito, at that, scooped him up, ignoring his startled cry, and with that started to walk home.

“Put me down.”

“Can you walk on your own?”

“...hate you.” Timothy said through gritted teeth, “Hate you. I should be with my real dad. He was going to take me… I was going to go back to Luminary, and he said he’d introduce me to his family… I should have been his. He was strong and smart and-”

“I’m sorry, Tim.” Kaito said quietly. “It was adopt you or watch you get executed. I had to make a choice. You put us in that position.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“I know.” Kaito said softly. “It was very brave. And very stupid. I guess you and me are alike in that.”

“I’m nothing like you. I’m a soldier. You’re royalty. A rich person. You’re all weak and stupid and lazy.”

“Do you want to try to walk again?”

Timothy hesitated, but nodded. Kaito put him down.

Timothy walked for a little bit, and the two continued on in silence, but after a bit, Tim slowed down, and slowed down, and then just… stopped. Sitting. Knees shaking.

Kaito looked down at him. Not unsympathetically, he said, “It’s hard to walk when it hurts like that, huh?”

Timothy said nothing. 

“Let me help you, Tim. I can still walk. You need a rest.”

Tim said nothing, and so Kaito scooped him up again, once again back to walking.

“...you know who feels like this a lot, Tim?” Kaito asked after some silence, the moon rising in the fields distance. Tim said nothing, so Kaito continued on, “Our Kokichi. His body is very mean to him… it’s hard for him to walk pretty often. His body gets exhausted pretty often. More often than not. It’s like feeling like you’re feeling now, but all day, every day.”

Silence.

“But, despite that? Despite feeling like this? Kokichi works out with us when he can. He does physical therapy in our room when he can’t. You’ve never seen it, but it’s hard, Tim. He sweats and he’s in pain and the progress is slow, but he keeps doing it. On top of all that, no matter what, he never stops being the prince. He solves resource problems, Tim. Not unlike that general of yours. It’s difficult, constant work that people depend on him to do, and he does it while he’s feeling like this, and he does it well. Uncle Kokichi is incredibly strong.”

“But, sometimes? He can’t walk. And he needs a little bit of extra help. It doesn’t make him weak. Same as this doesn’t make you weak. You’re worn out, you can’t get home on your own, you need some help. Here I am. That’s what I do, Tim. I lend a hand when you need help. I do that for Kokichi, I do that for Shuichi, I’ve done it for your mom, and I’d do it for you.”

“... you’ve done it for mom?”

“Oh yeah. Maki-roll’s come to me with some… bad injuries, before. She didn’t trust the healers, obviously, so if she wanted somewhere to bunker down and be safe and taken care of a little? She’d show up and I’d hide her away in my room. For as long as we could get away with.” Kaito said, an old memory taking him far away as he said, “I remember she showed up on my walk home after school once just… half dead, Tim. Could barely walk, I don’t even know how she got to me, honestly. I picked her up just like this, walked her to the castle, to my room, bandaged her up, put her to bed, watched her go to sleep, and fucking went to the bathroom to bawl my eyes out for an hour. I was so scared she wasn’t going to wake up… but your mom was strong. She recovered. Recovering… that takes strength too.”

“Mom and Uncle Kokichi aren’t the same.”

“They really are, kid. I know that’s hard to see, but they are. And I don’t think you really mean all this anyway. Like I said, I’m still learning how to be a parent. One to Miya, eventually, and definitely one to you. I know I’m not your first pick of parents, I’m not an assassin or a general or anyone really strong and capable like that. And by your talk of royalty, I’m guessing being a prince doesn’t earn me any brownie points… but I am your dad, and I want to be a good one to you. I love you a lot, kid. I just… it hurts me to hear you say things about your uncle. It’d hurt him too. I have to be stricter than I want to be, when it comes to that, because I don’t want you to hurt us. Can you understand that?”

Timothy shrugged. 

“...is there…” Kaito hesitated, “Is there anything specifically? I can do to be better? Anything you want?”

“Not to fucking run for five hours.” Timothy muttered.

“Language.” Kaito said automatically, before saying after a moment, “Did you like going to the diner with me last saturday? I thought we had fun… I was thinking, if you’re up to it, that could be a regular thing for me and you. Doing stuff together on saturdays, eating dinner out together. Just making saturdays, like… our day? What do you think?”

“...that could be fine, I guess.” Tim muttered.

“And I know I wasn’t consistent on it, but I still want to do that thing where you tell me about nice things you did the day of. From now on, even if me and your uncles end up eating dinner in our room, I’m making time some time in the evening to come and hear about your day, and the good things you did. Okay? I swear it this time, I’ll be consistent.”

“...kay.” Tim muttered.

“How do your legs feel?”

“Better. I can probably walk now.”

“You don’t have to.” Kaito said, adjusting Tim, the nine year old leaning against his chest, Kaito securely wrapped around him. “Get some rest. It’s night time. If you fall asleep, we’ll be home by the time you wake up.”

Timothy blinked slowly, listening to Kaito’s heart beat. That was stupid, he thought. Blinking slowly. He wasn’t going to fall asleep. He was a soldier, and almost ten! Only babies fell asleep in people’s-

Kaito looked down at the sound of soft snuffling, thought ‘Wow, that was fast.’ And continued home.

-

Kaito hadn’t come back home by the time Kokichi went to bed, but...this time he wasn’t worried. Kaito had been doing well for a while, for one, when it came to disappearing from home, and if he was with Tim, then Kokichi knew that they’d be alright. There was no way he’d let anything happen to his kid, so the two of them would be safe. Really, Kokichi just hoped that Tim wouldn’t be totally drained the next day.

But, in a contrast to how the day started, Kokichi went to sleep feeling calm and peaceful.

So, the scenery in his mind reflected that. 

Kokichi wasn’t in his room anymore. He might end up returning to it, but for now he was enjoying the petal-filled breeze as he sat on top of a grassy hill, the area filled with wildflowers and a nearby lake at the bottom of the sloping hill rippled gently from the wind. It was nice.

But Kokichi was nearly braining himself with how hard he facepalmed, knocking himself backwards into the soft grass and kicking and thrashing a bit. 

“AAAAAAARGGG!!!”

Alter Ego walked up behind him, lounged in the grass, and said, “Interesting day?”

Kokichi let out a grand sigh and let all his limbs flop onto the ground. “I need to fuckin’ remember already. Let it be known that my husband is the best, even when I’m having a depressive episode that’s scaring the shit out of him, but...fuck.” Kokichi tilted his head over, giving Alter Ego an exasperated look. “I’m sincerely thinking that I’m going crazy. I’m retaining just enough to have confusing feelings and it’s making me lose it.”

“...but I don’t think there’s much to do about it,” Kokichi sighed. “Time to look through memories tonight?”

Alter Ego sighed, giving Kokichi a sympathetic look. “I’ll admit, I was sort of hoping you’d just… wake up one day and remember it all at once. Remembering little by little over time is, honestly, actually a worst case scenario. There probably will be a period of time there where… yeah, you might seem or feel kind of crazy. Honestly? This might be something we want to talk to Temp about. If it’s going to happen gradually like this, you might want someone in the real world looking out for you. Maybe convince you to take a vacation where you can be crazy in private? I’d hate for you to do or say anything you regret…”

“And, yes! Memories, and I also thought, at the same time, we can practice making new memory copies. My thought process is, if we’re sending Chibi Kaito out to collect a memory? That puts extra pressure on you to make a Kaito copy that isn’t just pulling the little one back. It’d be good training. Think you’re up to it?”

“It’s a lot to remember all at once and...honestly, I don’t know what I’m going to do when I remember. But it’s better than this...weird in between point. At least I’d be able to know why I feel certain things, and I don’t need to have the same conversations twice…” Kokichi sighed again, reaching his hands up into the breeze, a few petals caressing his fingers as they continued on their travels. “...I think it’ll be easier when Shuu-chan knows. And I wish I could remember so I could tell Kai-chan...but then this whole thing would be easier. But...yeah. I think...I might need some help in the physical world…”

Kokichi closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the gentle sun on his skin, not even close to being intense enough to burn, but still warm. 

...would going through his imagination count as a cool adventure? Maybe not, since Kaito wouldn’t really be aware of it. 

Pushing himself up, Kokichi nodded. “Let’s try, at least. Though...I don’t even know where I should start, in looking for memories. At least with Katsuki-chan we had a clue… Should I just search for...other times I’ve been in people’s dreams? I dunno if that’d give us much of a clue to how far my abilities reach, since we already know about that…”

Alter Ego laughed lightly at the adventure question, ear twitching as they said, “If you’re trying to treat your husband? Maybe doing it in a way he remembers or comprehends would be best, yes. Though, giving him a nice dream can be soothing. If he’s still doing that ‘waking up in the middle of the night to look around’ thing you told me about, maybe some gentle dream to keep him from waking up? That could be a gift. Cause that’s always sounded like an anxiety thing to me.”

Stretching his claws into the grass, Alter Ego said after a moment of considering it, “I think… starting with memories we know about is the best way to start, yes. Things we know happened, but you don’t recall. Those things could give us clues as to how to proceed. Are you going to bring Chibi Kaito here?”

...it did sound like an anxiety thing. Though Kaito never really addressed it. Maybe that could be something they talked about, when he finally got around to telling his partners. What, if anything, they all wanted to do with Kokichi’s abilities. 

Looking around the grassy, flowering hill, Kokichi smiled slightly. “I’m a little surprised he isn’t here already. Aw...maybe I interrupted one of his dates with Chibi Kokichi...I’d feel kinda bad about that… But we have work to do.”

Reaching into the grass, Kokichi pulled out a tiny flower crown. “Kai-chan? I have a job for you!”

Kaito’s little body seemed to both, at once, fall out of and grow from the flower crown, until he was fully formed and, with a mildly confused look, sitting in the grass. Looking around in astonishment, up at Big Kokichi, over at Alter Ego… before, much like his larger counterpart earlier in the day, FLUMPING back into the grass, though he kicked his legs a little.

Nooooooo, he had been so close. Chibi Kokichi had been making bedroom eyes at him! BEDROOM EYES! AUUUUUUGHHHH!!!!

Alter Ego watched, unamused, as the chibi creature had a small tantrum in the grass, “Little one, did you even feel either of us come back? Aren’t one of your functions now alerting Kokichi when people arrive?”

Chibi Kaito looked up at Alter Ego, a sheepish expression on his face. He had noticed! He just… he had been a little busy… Alter Ego had a key! That was fine, wasn’t it? Did he have to announce Alter Ego? Sitting up, he looked at Big Kokichi, uncertain if that was right or not.

Kokichi, on the other hand, couldn’t help but laugh a little at Chibi Kaito’s tantrum, though he did try to stifle it. The theory that he’d interrupted a date was rising in likelihood. Oops. Well, he’d just have to offer something nice later to make up for it.

Chibi Kaito was a mechanic of his mind, but...he could still be kind to the little creature when Kokichi’s needs didn’t take precedence. 

Gently patting Chibi Kaito’s head, Kokichi gave him a soft smile. “You were alright, hun, as long as you were able to notice us here. But...like I said, we have work to do tonight. Kind of a challenge on your part, I’m afraid.”

“I’d like you to try to find some memories I don’t remember. Any time I’ve ended up in someone else’s mind, but not the times I went to Katsuki-chan or Itch or Tom. Do you think you can do that for me?”

(*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)!!!

(*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)b

Chibi Kaito seemed excited by the idea, his flower crown bouncing around his head as he stood up, giving Kokichi a thumbs up, before, taking a breath, running down the hill… and then, seemingly by accident, tripping and then rolling down the hill, one sustained, alarmed musical note following him all the way down as he rolled out of sight, into the forest below.

“What a ridiculous little creature.” Alter Ego said, amused, before looking to Kokichi. “Alright? You ready to try creating Kaito?”

Incredibly. But Kokichi was attached. Maybe it would get to the dangerous point Mikado had warned about, but...for now, Kokichi was happy to have Chibi Kaito. Even for how weird the creature’s existence was. 

Taking a breath as he turned back to Alter Ego, Kokichi nodded. “A completely new copy of my memories of Kai-chan. Not pulling Chibi Kai-chan back.”

Not pulling at what was familiar and recent. 

Closing his eyes, Kokichi...tried to envision all of that. Kaito as he knew him, his memory of him...but just a copy. Something new and created for a purpose, then meant to fade back into the mindscape. 

…

Kokichi peeked an eye open.

This Kaito was familiar, and recent, but not Chibi Kokichi. He was picked out from the memory of that very day, laying in the grass by Kokichi’s side, curled somewhat on his side, his forehead pressed against Kokichi’s waist and his hand resting on Kokichi’s hip. 

He, in fact, seemed to be somewhat unaware that this wasn’t that exact memory, as he said, “Power would be sexy on you… and the world would be better off for it, if you did have that. Or, at the very least Dicea would be. Cause you’re an Ouma. That’s, like… your guys’s whole thing, ya know? Taking care of Dicea. That’s a hell of a lot of responsibility. Having the powers to match it would be, ya know… really helpful. And cool. And sexy. Did I mention power is sexy, yet?”

Alter Ego blinked at this. “...oh my god. He’s actually this ridiculous in real life too?”

Kaito blinked, looking up and peeking over Kokichi’s hip. “...Kokichi, there’s a cat here.”

While it had been funny and endearing in context, Kokichi just flushed at Kaito’s words this time, glancing over to Alter Ego in embarrassment. Not...an aware Kaito, it seemed, though it was about as current as he could get without checking in on the actual Kaito right now. 

Sighing, Kokichi put a hand over his face, though he instinctively started stroking the back of Kaito’s head. “He is. Pretty much...all you’ve seen of Kai-chan with me? Is him, straight up.”

Kokichi looked over to his likely extremely confused husband, nodding. “There is. Their name is Alter Ego, they’re my mentor. Just...think of this all as a weird dream right now, if that helps. It’s about to get weirder.”

Kaito looked warily between Kokichi and Alter Ego, absorbing this… before shrugging, laying his head back down, this time on Kokichi’s lap. Saying curiously to Alter Ego, “Good day, Alter Ego. Uh… thank you for watching after my husband. It’s nice to meet you.”

Alter Ego nodded, “Same.”

Weird. At least he was getting his hair played with. 

And, Kokichi was right. The weirdness didn’t end there, as burrowing out of the dirt a few moments later was Chibi Kaito, huffing and looking a little haggard, though he had managed to keep his flower crown on his head, and, fumbling in his dirt tunnel for a moment, pulled out a gold coin that was the size of his hand, holding it out for Kokichi to take, as Kaito just… stared wide eyed at the little creature.

Uhhhhhhhhh…. Okay. Sure. He’s had weirder dreams.

Kokichi kept up his gentle ministrations through Kaito’s hair, knowing that this was just going to be...strange for the memory. “Kai-chan...this is Chibi Kai-chan. He helps me look through my memories and is something of an alarm system for my mind. Though...we’re working on that.”

Smiling at Chibi Kaito, Kokichi patted his head gratefully before accepting the coin. “Thank you, Chibi Kai-chan. It’s gonna be a long night for all of us.”

Not bothering to have the memory play out around them--there was already enough going on, and Kokichi liked his field--a screen of perspective popped up above the coin, big enough that they could all watch what happened in it. 

There was a woman that...Kokichi didn’t recognize at all, trying to drag along just...a huge sack of something. The sack was enormous, maybe...triple, quadruple her size? But even with her tugs doing little to nothing budging the sack, the woman still never let up, always trying to move the sack. 

“What are you doing?” a fuzzy, vague figure asked, though...at the same time as having no defining features, Kokichi could also see himself, maybe...ten or eleven. Wide-eyed and curious. 

“I! Need! To bring this with me!” the woman responded amid huffs and puffs, still trying to move the sack. “It’s important! No one thinks I can do it! But it’s my dream, I can’t let it go! I’ll do this if it’s the last thing I ever do!”

The figure turned a deep, sympathetic blue...but also, Kokichi saw his younger self frown softly. “...do you have to move it by yourself? Even if everyone thinks it’s impossible...surely there’s people who see how important it is to you. People who care about you. Surely they’d help you move it if you asked.”

The woman seemed...a little torn, thinking about this, but little Kokichi didn’t stop there, seemingly making up his mind. Calling out, he shouted into the vague, shadowy town around them, “HEY! We’re all moving this sack to help out! C’mon down to help!” and, making good on his own resolve, little Kokichi went around to the side of the sack, getting a grip and starting to tug.

The woman watched this in...astonishment. And all at once, there was a sort of...change in the atmosphere. A subtle one. It got slightly brighter and...the woman started speaking, direct and internal dialog one and the same in the mind. “...it doesn’t matter if I do it all myself or not...just that I do it at all. They might not believe in it...but people can believe in me. Mom, Dad, Ryuu...they’ve all always been there for me… I’m not...alone.”

And...after a moment, other figures started to come out of the shadowy buildings, each finding a place to grab onto the sack, while the woman started to fill with confidence, directing all the people and, once they had their spots, her once determined, strained voice rang out in equal volume, though with purpose now. “On my mark! Everyone. One...two...PULL!!”

...and little by little...the sack began to move forward. 

There was a little smile on little Kokichi’s face, before he faded away, another person coming to take his place before the memory ended.

As the memory faded… “Aw.” Kaito said softly, shifting his head on Kokichi’s lap a bit, getting more comfortable. “That was sweet. Did that actually happen?”

Alter Ego nodded, still looking at where the memory had been, thinking, “It would seem like it. Very good, Chibi Kaito, memories like that are what we’re looking for. Was that the only one?”

The chibi creature shook its head, before giving them another thumbs up, he burrowed down again, off searching.

As he left, Alter Ego said, “Okay… what did we learn from that. Kokichi, did you recognize that woman? Did you know her?”

“...not in the slightest,” Kokichi hummed. That was...a little worrying. It was their first evidence of Kokichi pulling himself into someone he didn’t know so...it confirmed that he did it to...everyone? Or at least wasn’t limited to people he knew. “Like...I guess there could be a chance she’s someone I once saw in passing or something but...I have no idea who she is.”

Kokichi sighed, scratching his cheek a little. “...if that’s how I usually handled things… It’s a little overbearingly optimistic, isn’t it. I guess, though...that I was pretty naive about how I saw people in general and as a whole until I met Kai-chan and the others…”

“It seemed to help. If anything, it might have left her with a hopeful feeling in the morning.” Alter Ego offered, tail flicking, still trying to reason out what else this could tell them, also concerned that this was the first evidence that it was more random than the tetherings could be. “We’ve talked before how having these interactions in peoples mind tends to echo into their real world behavior. They do comprehend it on some levels. She might have worked out the next day that she needs help with the task she was worried about.”

“You looked young, babe.” Kaito pointed out. “Like, based on the drawings we looked at, maybe… ten? Having you been doing stuff like this since you were ten, then?”

“That’s a point. How old were you when you had your incident with Katsuki?” Alter Ego asked, looking to Kokichi, “If this has been consistent throughout your life… Chibi Kaito might end up bringing back more than a few memories.”

Even if the outlook was naive...well, for one, he was a child, so he was allowed to be. But, also...maybe sometimes what people needed was some relentless optimism. If it managed to help people...he was happy. 

Though, for how long he had been doing this… Kokichi shook his head to Kaito’s guess before explaining. “I was six when Katsuki-chan first came to the castle. So...that long, I guess…” He frowned. “...Dad said that sometimes I’d just...wake up with awful headaches. He said they weren’t that frequent, or consistent, but...it was enough to not be surprised. If those correlate at all to me jumping...then I think we’re gonna have a lot to go through.”

Alter Ego sighed, tucking their paws beneath their chest, becoming a furry loaf as they said, “You were right. It’s gonna be a long night. On that note, we might as well keep testing your ability to make memories. Figments, as Mikado likes to call them. Are you going to dismiss this Kaito before making a new one?”

Kaito thought maybe he should be more alarmed by that but… surprisingly wasn’t. It felt natural. He looked up at Kokichi curiously.

The Kaito in his lap didn’t seem distressed at all, but…

“...uuuuuuuurg,” Kokichi groaned, putting a hand over his eyes. “Don’t look at me like that… Fine, no, I’ll just… The Kai-chans I made first can explain things to the other ones. I know I’ll dismiss them before I go to sleep but...uuuuuugh!”

Kokichi didn’t even like telling his Kaito in the real world to leave him alone--how could he dismiss an entire being, even if it was just a memory?! Kokichi could practically feel every version of Maki rolling her eyes and calling him a wimp at this admittedly wimp move. 

Sighing, Kokichi closed his eyes and tried again. Okay. Recent, but not literally the last memory he had of Kaito! And not Chibi Kaito! And...aware enough that they were a memory...nnnn…

Kaito grinned, chuckling, poking at Kokichi’s side playfully as he said, “Awwww, someone loves me.”

“Don’t encourage him, this could potentially become absolutely silly.” Alter Ego warned the memory, who was still chuckling at Kokichi’s distress.

“Nah, it’s fine. He’s just indulging himself. I’ll be… Alpha Kaito! Leader of the Kaito’s! That’s what’s happening right now, right? There’s gonna be more of me?” Kaito asked, enjoying the weirdness of this dream. This was a hoot.

“More less, yes. Now, let’s see what we get this time…” Alter Ego blinked, and the new Kaito appeared. Looking over him, “...hmmm… huh. I mean… better, but… why?”

Kaito appeared, wearing a somewhat curious outfit,for the circumstances. The memory was wearing his dark maroon tank top that Kaito often worked out in during the hotter mornings, clearly back from one of said workouts, hair slightly hanging down and a little more unkempt than usual. A near black pair of sweatpants were tied low around his waist, showing off the defined, hard lines of his adonis belt, and he was barefoot, the whole thing seeming like he was just getting back and ready to relax a little, rather than head back out. 

Kaito looked curiously down at himself, his skin glistening slightly, and he chuckled, giving Kokichi a wink as he grinned brightly, “You get this much of a kick out of it when I look like this, babe? Man, you should tell real-world me, he’d wear this outfit more often.”

Kaito on Kokichi’s lap… blushed deeply. Okay, he realized. He guessed he would fuck him. Good to know! “Do, uh… do I need to explain to you-”

“Nah, I know man, thanks though.” Kaito laughed, giving Kaito a thumbs up as he said, “I think I’m the golden ticket. What you were trying to do from the beginning, babe. We can still call you Alpha-Kaito though, if you want, dude. I’ll be, uh… Omega-Kaito? I don’t know. Kaito Two?”

“Hot Kaito.” Alpha Kaito provided.

“Hell yeah, I love it. Hot Kaito!”

Peeking his eyes open again, Kokichi’s face went crimson for an entirely different reason this time. And...everyone knew. 

Making a squawking sound, Kokichi just covered his face again, shaking his head. “Shut up! You just...look so happy and satisfied so...ugh. You know what?! I don’t have to say anything! This is my mind, you’re my husband, and I’m allowed to find you attractive.”

“...please don’t judge me too much,” Kokichi pleaded of Alter Ego, peeking over at his mentor. But...at least now he knew he could create one time, detached memory copies. Now...he just had to match that feeling, but not make the same copy and...practice. 

Sighing, Kokichi tried to lower his hands from his face, though looking at Hot Kaito was just...too flustering. “...should I try again, right away? Or...give it some time, so I can get used to making a figment without a direct reference.”

“I am absolutely judging you.” Alter Ego said, though his tone was entirely teasing, a genuinely amused look as looked at the strange trio, both, uh, ‘Alpha Kaito’ and Kokichi just, incredibly flustered by… ‘Hot Kaito’, who just seemed to be basking in the attention. “Though, I’ll admit, it’s kind of cute. Obviously I knew you were fond of him, but… this is a lot.”

“‘Kichi loves me.” Kaito shrugged, a smug grin now on his face, going to sit down on the grass, lounging out a bit, “Swore himself to me and everything.”

Kaito hadn’t moved from Kokichi’s lap, but he was just directly staring at Hot Kaito, just, absorbed in looking at himself, while Hot Kaito gave the alpha a little wink. Alpha Kaito just buried his face in Kokichi’s lap a bit. “Oh no.” He groaned. Hot Kaito just chuckled.

Alter Ego shook his head a little at this, before saying, “We might as well keep practicing, until Chibi Kaito comes back. Why don’t you give it another shot, practicing with a reference and learning through muscle memory how to do this probably isn’t a terrible idea. Though… maybe put some real clothes on the next one?”

“Hey! I’m dressed!” Hot Kaito insisted, taking the end of his tank top and bringing it up, wiping some of the sweat off his face. 

Kokichi nodded sadly. “I love him a lot. Kai-chan and Shuu-chan are...my world. I’m dedicated to them. And I happen to find them very attractive too.” As would be his downfall tonight. 

Especially because one of the things he found most attractive in his partners was their confidence, and Hot Kaito was not helping anything with his. 

Sighing, Kokichi nodded and closed his eyes again, not trusting himself to look at Hot Kaito with his shirt off. Okay. A more clothed Kaito, a copy of a memory but not any of these, one that was completely new… With all the other stuff he made Hot Kaito with. Awareness and recent development and…

...ho boy it was a lot to keep track of. Kokichi furrowed his brow a bit, trying to summon another perfect figment.

Maybe Hot Kaito was more of a distraction than Kokichi could handle. Or maybe the perfect memory was a fluke case of beginners luck, because in the next second-

סּ_סּ;;??

Chibi Kaito, looking literally in the middle of picking something up, was holding about three entirely different objects, was sweating and panting a little, though the effect of sweat on him was not nearly as hot, being tiny and adorable and stressed as he suddenly looked around, before looking to Kokichi.

♩?

“Well… that’s why we practice, isn’t it?” Alter Ego said, looking at the items in the creature’s hands as they said, “And, it looks like he’s found some things to drop off anyway.”

“Aw. Poor little guy looks hassled.” Hot Kaito pouted, sitting up properly and reaching over to pat the thing in the head.

... (｡・////・｡);;;

(ᇂ_ᇂ|||)

Damn it… another Big Kaito… and this one was hot. Fuck.

“I… focus, Chibi Kaito.” Alter Ego insisted, realizing his eyes were not lying to him and that now even the smaller mechanism was caught up in being flustered around the second Kaito. Seriously, Kaito wasn’t a bad looking guy, but this group was ridiculous. And, well, a little narcissistic, really. Stop checking yourself out! “Bring Kokichi his memories.”

Chibi Kaito nodded, placing in the grass in front of Kokichi three items. A sewing stool, a bow tie, and button with a flower imprinted into it.

Well… Alter Ego was right. This was why he was practicing. Hopefully it hadn’t been too startling for Chibi Kaito. 

Giving the small creature a slightly apologetic look, Kokichi gently scooped him up and placed a kiss on his forehead, not able to lean down to do so this time unless he wanted to crush Alpha Kaito. “Thank you. You’ve done really well to find all these--if you need a break to rest for a moment, please take it. It’ll probably take us a bit to go through these anyway.”

At random, Kokichi picked up the bow tie, looking up curiously as a screen appeared, even bigger this time to accommodate Hot Kaito’s viewing perspective too, waiting to see what this memory would show. 

Even considering the metaphor of the mind, this scene was even less familiar than the last. It was a room, not outside like before, but even just the architecture of that single room...it was nothing like Kokichi had ever seen. Not any type of Dicean architecture, and...it didn’t seem to fit with what he’d seen of Luminary either. 

However, they couldn’t even get clues from what the outside of buildings looked like, because a man was hurriedly barricading every door and window in the room, a panicked, frightened look on his face. The man was wearing an ornate set of robes but...again, not even close to any style Kokichi had seen in Dicea. 

Everything about the scene screamed ‘foreign’.

But there was one constant. A fuzzy figure, a little older than the last time, maybe a Kokichi in his early teens, thirteen or fourteen, appeared in the room. Slowly, sleepily taking in everything, but without any surprise of its unfamiliarity. Holding back a yawn, the blurry figure started to pick up supplies to help the barricading, though his voice was purely curious when he spoke. 

“What’s this all for?”

The man only shook his head, sweating from the stress. “...I can’t do this. Everyone’s expectations are on me, but...I have to let them down… I can’t.”

There was a beat, before the man looked at his sudden companioning pleadingly. “...what if they don’t love me? I know that’s not the reason for marriage, but...I can’t bear the thought of marrying someone I do not love. Who can’t stand me. We’ve never even met…”

As the man stopped barricading, so did the teen Kokichi, still drowsy, but giving the man a sympathetic look. “...love won’t come immediately. Love is something you work at, not something that is. You might not love each other at first...but you can like each other.”

“...it might be scary to go into this longing to be loves, or even spouses… But you can go into it trying to be friends. But…” The blurry figure looked over to the barricaded windows. “...you’ll never know if you don’t try. If you never reach out to them...then nothing’s going to come of your relationship. You get out what you put in...and it’s scary to open up, but if you want the possibility of having something more...then you have to be brave.”

The man looked uncertain. “...I don’t know if I can…”

There was another pause between them before the teen Kokichi walked over to one of the windows, a small one. “It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Just...give yourself a space to peek out of and...you can build your courage from there. At your own pace.”

The man walked over to the window as well, but...looked a bit distressed. “...I don’t know how…”

A pause. Then Kokichi reached up around one of the planks, and pulled. He planted his feet, making noises of exertion, and while the man watched in astonishment for a moment, he soon reached over to the same plank and started pulling too. There was only the slightest give, but then--

POP!

The two stumbled back, the plank falling from their hands, but now determined, the man reached in again for the next plank, Kokichi giving him a hand until the small window was open. And while cool light poured into the room…

The scene ended before Kokichi could see outside of it.

Alpha Kaito had the… truly odd experience of watching above him his husband kiss and comfort a tiny, doll like version of himself, who was then placed down, sharing the same lap that Big Kaito was currently trying to occupy. Taking a few breaths, Chibi Kaito gave Big Kokichi a shaky thumbs up, before collapsing onto Alpha Kaito’s hair, which was also… very odd. Huh. What a… unique experience. 

His hair now a nest for a miniature version of himself, Kaito kept still and quiet as the memory played, though… he winced, slightly, at the man’s fears. Them painfully familiar… his feelings on Kokichi’s advise a little conflicted… it was good advise, if the man had to do it. And sometimes you had to do it. 

… Kaito just wondered if the man actually had to or not. What his story was. Who was making him.

But the memory ended before the questions could be answered, and Hot Kaito laughed, grinning wide and leaning over to give his husband a quick kiss on his cheek as he said, “Teen Kokichi, all being wise and giving relationship advice and stuff… where even was that?”

Alter Ego frowned, “I have no idea, but that architecture, the clothing style… I didn’t recognize any of it. This… may suggest your tethers go… a bit further than Dicea.”

“Unless the guys an immigrant and just based his home on where he came from?” Alpha Kaito offered with a sigh, shaking of his melancholy. Hopefully it had all worked out for that guy. Poor bastard.

Kokichi...pensively watched the scene. Looking for the particular clues they were trying to find, but...hearing Alter Ego’s advice about ending up in other people’s minds a little...pointedly. Maybe that guy really did need help gaining the courage to open his perspective a little, but...Kokichi had just jumped into doing things without learning a damn thing. There were no blanket solutions for anything--everything took nuance. 

Holding back and...learning what was going on probably would’ve helped this person a lot more… He hoped things had gone alright…

Kokichi smiled slightly at Hot Kaito’s praise, but his worry only grew with Alter Ego’s guess. 

“I mean...that’s definitely a possibility,” Kokichi hummed to Alpha Kaito’s guess. “And that room might not even be where the guy physically was at the time. But...you know, I’d think I’d have some clue about what culture it all was pointing to. But...then again, my world knowledge is pretty limited…”

...he was just worried. And that worry was really making him think that...maybe his (freakish, monstrously strong) abilities really were stretching farther out than Dicea.

“I bet Temp would recognize it. Next time we see him, we should show him the memory and see just how far out this could potentially be. Though, you and Alpha are correct, the decor could be symbolic in his mind, or merely a preference in his personal home.”

“As our Shuichi would say: Evidence insufficient, no conclusion could be drawn.” Hot Kaito said, before looking to Kokichi excitedly as he said, “Ooooh, can we get a Shuichi to cuddle with?”

“Oh my god.” Alter Ego muttered, “Next memory, please?”

The button was next, and the screen started… and almost as soon as the scenery showed up, all the Kaitos eyes widened a little, though Alpha Kaito looked increasingly confused while Hot Kaito’s brow furrowed, frowning a bit… “I know this place. I recognize it, but…” Hot Kaito bit his lower lip a little, rubbing the back of his neck as he said, “I’m limited by what you know, Kokichi. You’ve felt this image briefly enough in Kaito to kinda recognize that we’d be familiar with it, but you don’t have any more information than that. Could you… tether to real Kaito real quick? I could get the rest of the information through a tether.”

It would be worth asking his worldly friend what he recognized--it might not reveal any pertinent clues, but...it might. And they were kind of looking for any clue at all. 

...really...asking the direct patron of a god about the limitations of great power would probably be a good idea in general. 

As the next memory started and the Kaitos recognized it, Kokichi was...put into a difficult position. He chewed his lip, looking...unsure about tethering to Kaito for even a moment. “...it feels like...taking information unfairly… Like prying into his head for my own reasons…”

“I mean…” Kokichi squirmed a bit, just...uncomfortable. “...if I knew, I would just ask you in the physical world. But that’s still your choice to share… It’s different, asking in this way that...it’s not really consent…”

Hot Kaito sighed, nodding, “Yeah, alright then… damn, it’s like it’s on the tip of my tongue.”

Alpha Kaito relaxed slightly. He didn’t know if he really had a problem with his husband snatching info from his head, but it… it was the kind of idea he’d probably prefer more time to think about, honestly. It was kinda weird. Obviously he trusted his husband, but… his head wasn’t a playground. That was important. You couldn’t just… let people feel entitled to all of you. Cause sometimes… too often, people took that to its painful limits. And you were changed so much that no one, including you, knew who you originally were supposed to be…

Alpha Kaito closed his eyes, tired. Then he opened them, smiling softly, finding Chibi Kaito looking down at him with those strange, beady somewhat-purple eyes, petting his forehead. Sensing he was sad and comforting him. Still pretty weird. Kinda cute though. 

The memory itself was a at the bottom of a massive waterfall, large, marble podiums, massive in their size and oddly elegant in their shaping and carving, surrounded by a vast, clear blue lake, distant forests bordering the sky. If you looked around, there were similar pillars everywhere, and being held up by these pillars, only able to see it from far below, was the underbelly of a city, being held high above the lake, waterfalls falling sporadically from area to area. 

The worst part, the little girl thought, was the fishing boats and the travel canals. Drifting by mockingly, so unbearably, hopefully close, and yet incomprehensibly out of reach. She was unable to be seen in the mist of the falling water crashing against the lake. She couldn’t be heard over the roar of the fall. And she, with this arm, couldn’t possibly hope to swim out into the water were the boats could potentially see her before it was too late.

The little blond girl with blue eyes was curled into the bottom curve and ridge of one of the pillars next to this waterfall. She was wearing what had likely been a very pretty dress at one point, but was now brutally torn and stained in a variety of colors. Her ram was curled into her lap, and she watched with sad, resigned eyes the distant fishing boats. 

The figure, around the girls age, maybe younger, appeared, looking around curiously. Before beaming… pretty. This place was pretty… but this wasn’t how it usually was. This place felt… different. Than the other places. 

This wasn’t symbolic.

The girl wasn’t asleep. 

She was somewhere close to asleep, in the saddest way possible. She was numb, the pain in her arm distant the more mentally tuned out she became. She was cold from the constant chill of the water in the air. She was hungry and didn’t feel it anymore. She was tired… but not asleep. Just… as close as a waking person could be, to it.

And the girl, despite being awake… looked over at the figure. Blinking tiredly at it. Too exhausted to even be surprised.

The figure considered her with some concern, looking uncomfortably at her arm. “Are you okay?”

The girl shook her head slightly.

“Oh…” The figure looked around, “What happened?”

The girl looked up the waterfall. “...’ fell.” The girl murmured quietly. “Was playing with my friends… climbed the wall… fell.”

“Oh… is anyone coming for you?”

The girl looked over to the fishing boats, a longing, deeply sad look in the far too young girls expression… before quietly she slightly shook her head. “I don’t think so. No one saw me fall… I saw boats with guards on them, looking for me… they didn’t see me.”

“...they’re still looking, though. They’ll find you.” The figure said, though his young brow was twisted in concern, “They don’t stop looking for people who are lost.”

The little girl gave the figure a lost, numb look… before her eyes twisted up into tears. She curled further into the pillar and started to sob. Aware at such a young age that she had made an irreversible mistake. That she was going to die like this. Cold and broken and alone, a cautionary tale for other kids in the future. She didn’t want to die like this. She wanted her mother… she wanted her grandma… “...’ want daddy…” She said quietly. Unable to speak very loudly anymore. Her small body just twisting in frightened fear and the desperate, earnest desire for her father to come pick her up. Take her home. She wanted to go home…

The figure shifted from foot to foot, uncomfortable. Not sure what to do… he didn’t like the girl crying. He could understand wanting your daddy when you were hurt and afraid. He looked around, like her father might just be… around. Only saw the fishing boats.

“...stay right here. I’’ll go ask them if you’re daddy will come get you.”

The figure went to the edge of the pillar, looked at the water… and with a small, internal shrug, walked out onto it, not finding the idea terribly strange, leaving behind the sobbing girl as he trotted over to the nearest fishing boat. 

Crawling into the boat, he went to the first adult he saw, and tugging at the clothes-- or trying too anyway-- he said, “There’s a little girl by the pillar. She needs her daddy. Can you bring her to him?... excuse me?” 

The man ignored him, talking to his fellow fisherman, laughing over some story. The figure pouted. “Excuse me! The little girl needs help! She can’t get back up to the city by herself! She needs her dad!” 

Still nothing.

The figure turned an annoyed, frustrated red. Stomped his foot. Shouted, “Excuse me! I said-”

The fisherman's face went blank. “-the little girl needs help!”

“Huh?” His fellow fisherman said, looking at his mate like he had lost his mind “What you on about?”

The fisherman pouted, his face twisting in annoyance still, as he pointed to the far pillar next to the waterfall, “That little girl needs help. She needs her daddy. She can’t get back up by herself. Her arms hurt.”

“Mate, what the fuck are you talking about…” The other fisherman peered where he was ponting at… before cursing, “The fuck is that… hold on, where’s my binaculars, the actual god damn… holy fuck, how the fuck did you see her!? Carl! Fucking turn 94 degrees, we gotta fucking overboard kid!” 

“You shouldn’t curse so much.” The fisherman scolded slightly, before his face went slack, the boat turning towards the pillar, as the figure left, the memory ending…

The landscape--more like waterscape, really--was something straight out of a fairytale. Kokichi honestly couldn’t believe that somewhere so beautiful existed, but...the entire memory was hard to watch. 

Kokichi held his Kaitos closer as his younger self talked to the girl, just...painfully recognizing the pale fatigue in her face. The ever-present pain that was muted because...everything was becoming muted. It was alarming, that he’d gone to someone who...who was dying. 

But even more… She was so young. 

His eyes going a little teary, hoping against hope that they weren’t about to watch a little girl die, Kokichi watched in astonishment as...he walked away from the consciousness he had popped into. And…

...it had likely saved that girl’s life. So Kokichi wouldn’t regret it. But...his face went ashen in horror as he watched himself...possess someone. 

As the memory ended, Kokichi looked over to his mentor fearfully. “...that’s...not an unheard of power, right?”

Alter Ego frowned… before saying, “I have to make a serious assumption that I can’t prove… but no. Not if that man’s either a Flora or a seedling. Both are equally likely.”

Looking to Kokichi, Alter Ego explained, “Some species-- and I don’t know if it’s exclusively Flora style, though they’re the only ones I know this for certain-- are designed in a way that, if you’re a Flora yourself, or a particularly strong Empath or psychic, because of how their body is designed, you can do what your younger self just did. Possess them, essentially. It’s one of the things about you that Despair Spores changes. It’s part of what makes hive minds work. So… younger you very likely got very, very lucky. Unless your body’s been treated to be capable of someone possessing you, I’ve personally never heard of even very strong empaths being able to do it on their own.”

“That was wild.” Alpha Kaito said, Chibi Kaito nodding along with him, “You were like a ghost, ‘Kichi… though, thanks Atua you found that little girl. She… kinda didn't’ seem like she had much time left. I hope she recovered well.”

That...still wasn’t super comforting but...well, at least Kokichi wasn’t capable of just taking over people’s bodies at will. Considering how much he did unconsciously...being incapable was a lot better than simply choosing not to do the drastic things he could. 

“I hope so too,” Kokichi sighed. “That’s the kind of fear you...really hope to never feel on someone. It’s horrible…”

Shaking his head, Kokichi gently dried his tears before...thinking for a moment. A beautiful place filled with waterfalls...Maki had said the streets glittered like rainbows… He hadn’t been able to see any streets, but it certainly felt the aesthetic of the place. And if it was familiar to Kaito…

“...I know we can’t know for sure, since if I don’t know, you don’t know, but…” Kokichi gave his husbands a wary look. “...was that place Novoselic?”

The Katio’s all furrowed their brows… before Chibi Kaito put out a ‘one moment’ finger, dove into Alpha Kaito’s shirt, who, alarmed, sat up, looking down into his shirt with alarm as he said, “Hey! You need permission first! Don’t just… where did he go?”

And then the chibi creature crawled out of an extremely startled Hot Kaito’s sweatpants, bringing with him a binder, before bringing it over to Kokichi, opening it up.

In the binder, were various portraits of Novoselic that Kokichi’s scene in books, over the years. And while they were all fairly simply drawn, the architecture was immediately recognizable. As soon as Kokichi’s eyes glanced at the binder, Hot Kaito suddenly nodded, grinning, “Hey! Yeah, that’s Novoselic’s capital! I visited my god parents and my mothers family there a few times! That’s where my mom grew up! Neat.”

Kokichi snorted softly at Chibi Kaito’s antics, but as he looked over all the portraits… His eyes widened, looking over at Hot Kaito. Seemed that was enough to make a connection with what he’d ambiently felt from Kaito. 

...well, he definitely wanted to go visit even more now. He could fill an entire sketchbook with a place that beautiful. 

...but Kokichi didn’t look particularly happy with that revelation. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and tugging at the ends of the locks. “...Novoselic’s capital isn’t on the nearest peninsula to Dicea. I...think this is hard confirmation that...I can likely scan over at least parts of Novoselic, Luminary, and Danganronpa… Though,” he considered, “I probably haven’t really been to any Flora? Since I’d think they’d try to make some sort of contact, if I was…a threat like that…”

“That’s true. Even if the Flora you helped wanted to keep it a secret, they couldn’t. That’s the whole issue with fighting a hive mind.” Alter Ego sighed, while Alpha Kaito gave the two beings an openly confused look. Flora… hive minds? What…

He startled, looking over at Hot Kaito, who gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder before whispering to him, “Wanna hang out back here with me for a bit? They’re gonna be talking about stuff you don’t really know, and it’s not important for you to find out. Come hang out with me, it’ll be super weird!” Kaito grinned, helping Alpha Kaito stand up. 

Alpha looked over at Kokichi, almost feeling like he needed some sort of permission to wander away from him… but nah, that was silly. Even in these circumstances, his husband wouldn’t mind him doing his own thing, he was pretty sure. So he and Hot Kaito walked a few feet away, before sitting back down on the grass, quietly chatting to each other.

The last provided memory was much simpler, but unfortunately, didn’t provide too much information on its own. The figure appeared, and discovered an older woman sewing a dress, lamenting that the dress didn’t fit her anymore. She had gained weight in her old age, and eventually from talking to her, it was discovered that she wasn’t necessarily sad about the weight, but her age. “It’s hard getting older.” The woman said to the figure sadly, still trying to hem the younger woman’s dress to fit herself, knowing even if she put it on, it wouldn’t look the same as when she had worn it in her youth, “The world changes around you. Things you grew up with aren’t familiar anymore, and I’m losing the will to re-adapt over and over and over again. Why can’t things just be the way they were…”

“I think that’s just how it goes.” The young figure shrugged, holding the dress to help her sew it steadier, “It’s how it went for you, and I think it’s going to go that way for me too. And it does seem hard, but… I’m really looking to you to see how you handle it. And if you handle it well, maybe that’ll make it easier for me when I’m in your place someday. I know it’s scary, but putting on a brave face and passing down what you know to us is way more useful and reassuring than trying to pretend it’s not happening at all. It’ll be easier to be brave when I remember how brave you were… though, I think it’s still a nice dress regardless.”

“It is a nice dress…” The old woman sighed, looking it over… “But it’s just not a dress that fits me anymore, is it. There are other nice dresses… I suppose I’d look a little silly, trying to fit into this now. It’s not how I’d want to my grandchildren to try to cope when they’re older… I’ll make new dresses. Comfortable ones that I won’t have to squeeze into, and that I can clean easier when my hands shake filling my pies and spilling on myself a bit. Adapt, and then adapt again, I suppose. No other way to face the future… thank you child. Let’s go see what else I have in my closet then… put this one away.”

Kokichi sighed softly. He really hoped he would be able to ask Thalia about helping Miya block herself off from the hivemind. He wanted his daughter to have peace in her mind...and who knew? If she did end up being an Empath like Hiro saw, maybe that would be able to help her out. She’d be able to create her own defences. 

The last memory of the group was...very sweet, and left Kokichi feeling hopeful, in a contrast to the others. There weren’t any surprise abilities and...honestly it was a conversation Kokichi could easily see himself having in the physical world too. And the style of the dress and interior of the home were very Dicean, in his opinion. 

But the fact of the matter was…

Kokichi sighed, bringing up a leg now that he was no longer being a cushion for Alpha Kaito and resting his head on it. “...I really need to stop this. I mean...I’m glad I can help people, if I even am, but...who knows if I am? Especially if I can reach people from other cultures...I just won’t have the perspective to be able to help them in a way that matters.”

“...and they didn’t ask,” he admitted in a small voice. It was something that had comforted him before, but...it was likely that it wasn’t true at all, since he was pulling himself to them, and not the other way around.

Chibi Kaito looked up at Kokichi, startled by that sad voice. Walking as delicately as he could across Kokichi’s lap, he tried to hug Big Kokichi’s stomach. It was okay…

Alter Ego sighed, “I think the theory of mass tethering is basically confirmed. Your abilities also include projection and, at least in some circumstances, possessions… and we should confirm that, actually. My theory is solid, but… it’s better to know. Chibi Kaito?”

Chibi Kaito looked up from his attempts to comfort Kokichi. ♩?

“Find more memories, if there are any, of incidents like the one in Novoselic. Memories where Kokichi’s possessed people. Bring them back here. Let’s confirm what you're capable of, Kokichi.” Alter Ego said, giving his charge a stern look, “It’s better to know. Right?”

Kokichi smiled glumly, embracing Chibi Kaito back. His abilities were a gift...but they were really scary. The things he’d done by complete accident were scary. And who knew if, by trying to help, he’d done irreparable damage to people…

But that’s what this all was for. To gain knowledge of how far his abilities went, so even if Kokichi acted unconsciously, they could put safeguards in effect so he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone. 

Sighing, Kokichi gave his mentor a nod. “I need to know. Closing my eyes and feigning ignorance is...wholly irresponsible, and putting countless people in danger, not least of all myself.”

“...still doesn’t mean it feels particularly good to find out.”

With one last hug, Kokichi opened up his stance to let Chibi Kaito walk out, sending the creature on his way. “I know it’s been a lot of work tonight--thank you. If there’s anything you want before I go to sleep tonight, let me know, alright?”

He wanted bedroom eyes back, god dammit.

But! It was okay. Big Kokichi needed him, Chibi Kokichi was chilling out, safe and comfy in the room, Chibi Kaito was fulfilling his duties. That was fine! He was okay with that. He was happy to help! 

Though, as he walked off Big Kokichi’s lap, he couldn’t help but shoot a dirty look to the two Big Kaito’s in the background. Freaking… giant jerks… bet he wasn’t gonna get to do that… freaking Big Kaito had no idea how lucky he was to be over a foot…

At that lament, Chibi Kaito took a breath, jumped into the hole, which closed up and disappeared behind him. 

“You’re being very brave, you know.” Alter Ego said gently to Kokichi, “I know this is hard. But every step we’re taking makes you and the people are you safer. It’ll make it easier for you to know when you need to interfere, and when you should just take a step back and move on. The little girl in Novoselic was lucky to have you, but the old woman in Dicea probably could have had that conversation with someone in real life. Being able to recognize the difference will make you better at handling these powers responsibly.” 

“On that note, we should probably test your next memory early, less we pull Chibi Kaito back when he’s almost found something.” Alter Ego advised, “Give it another go.”

Kokichi gave his mentor a hopeful look, feeling...at least a little bolstered by their words. “...yeah? I…” He sighed. “...sometimes it’s hard. It… When I pull myself in, and I wake up in someone...it feels so much like...I have to help them. No matter what’s going on.”

“...but sometimes I can’t,” he murmured, still...stinging a little from his most recent failure. “...and I think that sometimes what I think is helping might make things worse… And...I think sometimes, even if it might help...it’s just too meddling.”

Kokichi frowned a bit, curling up again now that Chibi Kaito was gone. “...I don’t...regret when I pulled myself into Shuu-chan’s mind. It felt...important that I was there, that I could help. I...I always want to help him and...it was a way to directly face his anxieties, instead of us just...having to shrug at each other and commiserate that having anxiety sucks, and it’s just what we have to live with.”

...he’d been about to ask if that made him...particularly cruel to his partner, but...he knew more context about Shuuichi than any of these people. He didn’t have to wait around and learn because...he already knew. 

“...I think that’s something too we’ll have to talk about when we can.”

Taking a breath and stretching out, Kokichi nodded and closed his eyes. One more Kaito, coming up. 

Not Chibi Kaito. Not Alpha or Hot Kaito either. A new Kaito, pulled as a copy from his memories…

Unlike the others, this Kaito arrived with a bit of a ‘thump’, feet heavier in the grass, because, well… he was heavier. This Kaito was wearing a full suit of beautifully made, lightweight, but… well, not that lightweight golden armor, inscribed with the emblem of Luminary, his swords hilt engraved with the Momota royal crest, his cape a bright white on the outside, but it’s insides intricately stitched with a stunning design that, while not quite space, clearly had been inspired by the celestial bodies, almost hypnotic in it’s somewhat shimmering cosmic color.

His hair looked kinda stupid, though, and his hand was immediately at the hilt of his sword as he looked around warily, Kaito having just been preparing to head down for his guidance animal ceremony when… “Oh!” Kaito threw a grin on, looking… genuinely surprised, as he looked down at his betrothed, “Prince Kokichi! Geez, uh… heh,” Kaito raised an eyebrow at the sight of him, a little confused as he said, “You’re, uh… not dressed! At-” he glanced at the sun, “-nearly noon! Of our wedding day! That’s… a choice! Bold! Are you coming down for the binding ceremony like that or…”

For Kokichi, it might be strange, because while Kaito was clearly happy to see him, and clearly trying to make a good impression… there was something missing from his eyes at his gaze of him. Something that was constantly on his face now, but was a mere faint imitation here. Something he was trying to be, but was clearly not even close to the real thing, in comparison to the now familiar view.

This Kaito didn’t know Kokichi.

And he didn’t love him.

And those distant eyes glanced up, away from Kokichi easily… before looking genuinely shocked as he said, “Oh, what the fuck.” before startling, saying-- a tad too loudly, a strange inflection in his tone, like his voice was being presented a touch deeper than it was naturally-- “Forgive my language, Kokichi, but… uh… what is that!?”

A few feet away in the grass, Hot Kaito desperately tried to wave Wedding Kaito down, telling him not to blow their cover, while a flustered, kiss-smeared Alpha Kaito just looked a little red and out of breath, shirt disheveled. 

When Kokichi opened his eyes, they immediately widened, a light blush forming across his cheeks. Kokichi had easily teased his husband-to-be at the time, and his hair did look very dumb all slicked back like that, but...well, Kokichi hadn’t seen Kaito like this since their wedding. It was special and…

...and this Kaito looked at him like a stranger. 

It was a little silly, since it made absolute sense, and this Kaito was just a memory, but…

...it still...hurt. 

Kokichi, with a slightly downcast sigh, was about to direct...Wedding Kaito, he supposed, to the others for an explanation, not really...having it in him to even try to soften the blow and explain to think of this as a dream, when...well, it seemed Wedding Kaito saw them himself. 

Giving Wedding Kaito an empty smile, Kokichi just waved a hand over at the other Kaitos, not even looking. “I know it’s confusing, but they’ll explain. Sorry about this.”

Wedding Kato gave Kokich a wary look, still not… sure what to think of this. Did he have twins? Triplets? That he didn’t know about? Who were in an incestous relationship? Was he on drugs? Oh shit, he better not be on drugs, it was his god damn wedding day, a treaty was fucking depending on Kaito having his shit together today, fuck fuck fuck-

“Hey, man, it’s okay, come over here! We don’t bite, I promise, we’ll explain. Like ‘Kichi said!” Hot Kaito insisted, waving him over, while Alpha Kaito gave Wedding Kaito a somewhat sympathetic look. “Come ooon… yeah, there ya go.”

Wedding Kaito wanted to, despite all this, insist to Kokichi that they… really did have things to do today, Koh. Remember? Fifteen-year war? Needs ending? Waiting on the wedding to finally be done? Not to mention they had to go watch their guide-- a beautiful white dove-- be presented to Atua for their ceremony, and then to probably the most important ceremony of Kaito’s entire life… there was so much to do today, they didn’t have time for whatever this was…

But despite his concerns, Wedding Kaito found himself nodding uncertainly, heading to the… other Kaito’s, glancing back at Kokichi again before sitting next to them, the other two starting to explain.

“First of all… we’re from the future!”

Alter Ego watched the three talk, before looking to Kokichi, “...well, still better than Chibi Kaito… are you okay?”

“Yeah...yeah.” Kokichi let out a breath, wiping his hands over his eyes, though they had remained dry. “...it’s just… I mean, we all know how far we’ve come, since we met but… It’s a lot, to see it in front of your face. He’s...from before the wedding, I think. Before our vows, before we heard about Maki-chan and Shuu-chan…”

He swallowed, looking over at Alter Ego with a clear ‘trying to be optimistic’ face. “...it’s kinda flattering...to see how much Kai-chan wears his love on his face, yanno.”

“...but, it’s equally hard to see the absence of love on his face.” Alter Ego guessed, looking back at the trio, both the older Kaito’s showing off their wrist scars to a wide eyed, marveling Kaito, though while Hot Kaito was excitedly regaling past Kaito with stories of how well the relationship was going, Alpha Kaito seemed to be trying very hard to keep the exact specifics of how the binding ceremony had actually gone… vague. “It must have been difficult, getting married like that. He was still calling you ‘Prince’ Kokichi on your wedding day, huh?”

Kokichi’s shoulders sagged. It...kind of felt like a slap in the face to hear that. They were far from ‘Kichi’ and ‘babe’ at that point…

“...yeah. We had...just gotten to the point where we wanted to work together. Surviving an assassination attempt will do that to you, I guess…” Kokichi sighed, closing his eyes. “...he was really kind to me on our wedding day. I was so nervous… But...he was kind and patient and...made it fun and easy for me. Even when he had to have been scared shitless for his friends…”

“...he was still calling me ‘prince’ for a while.”

More murmuring from the trio-

“...so yeah, the treaty signing goes fine, there was a dance…”

“...the wedding night itself was-”

“-forget that, I don’t want to hear about that. What happened with Shuichi and Maki? I haven't seen them all day…”

“...they’re fine, they’re fine, they stepped out for awhile and came back, everything’s fine…”

The more and more the trio talked, the more notably relieved Wedding Kaito looked, his stiff, straight shoulders loosening, the hard, mature infliction in his voice and laugh easing a bit. It had all worked out! That was great to hear! The treaty had gone well, the wedding and binding ceremony had been nice, his friends were fine, and it looked like he and his betrothed had ended up close, by the way they talked about him! This was great! He couldn’t have asked for it to go any better! 

Alpha Kaito and Hot Kaito watched his joy and excitement warmly. Why spoil it? He didn’t need to know. 

“...what’d the family think of it? What’d they say?...”

“...” it was actually a real testament to how good of liars they were, when neither of their faces slipped, as Hot Kaito said, “Oh, dude, they were… super proud of us. Look forward to those letters man, they were… something else.”

Wedding Kaito beamed. Thrilled.

Then Alpha Kaito suddenly perked up, and said, “Kaito. I gotta tell you about Shuichi. And a beautiful little baby named Miyako...”

Alter Ego sighed, “Well, for starting from strangers, the love between you two now is almost obnoxious, you should know. The only time he looks away from you is when he’s openly ogling himself. I’ve been watching them over your shoulder, and the two older ones keep glancing over at you. They clearly adore you.”

Kokichi’s smile at that was more genuine. After all, the reason why seeing Kaito as a stranger hurt so much was because of the love they shared. “...the feeling is mutual there...except for the ogling myself part. I might want to have conversations with other Kokichis at some point, but...it’s not exactly something I’m dying to do anytime soon. It might just be an enlightening exercise.”

Brushing some hair out of his face, Kokichi glanced over at Alter Ego. “Should I give it another go? Or are we getting to Kai-chan capacity?”

“It is getting a little silly…” Alter Ego admitted, glancing back at the trio of Kaito’s, who were laughing over some story Hot Kaito was telling Wedding Kaito, something to do with Shuichi and Kokichi’s persistently terrible diet habits, especially now that Shuichi was pregnant-- which wedding Kaito couldn't get over, like, what???- “Still, I’d feel better if we could just get a little closer to a disconnected memory, like… ‘hot’ Kaito. One more go and then quit it for the night?”

Kokichi glanced over his shoulder at the Kaitos, smiling at their laughs before he nodded, preparing himself again to create a figment. This time, he murmured his guidelines aloud. “A disconnected copy of my memories of Kai-chan...all my accumulated knowledge. Not any of the figments here, not Chibi Kai-chan. My level of awareness, meant to be my closest insight into a person without intruding on them…”

Alter Ego watched the new figment form, at first a little confused, because for half a second, he thought maybe they had messed up again and it was Chibi Kaito… but while the figure wasn’t as big as other others, it was nowhere close to as small as Chibi… and then, before he could say anything-

“Awwwwwww!” Hot Kaito noticed first, eyes sparkling as he stood up, rushing over, the other two scrambling to get up and follow him, “Look at youuuu! Come here, you little brat! Let me look at you!”

A young Kaito, close to Tim’s age, almost looked shy as he grinned, his three adult counterparts coming over to gush, playing with his joints, popping the knuckles, as he indulgently let the older Kaito’s play with his hair and poke at his skinny noodle arms and just excitedly look him over, before looking over at Kokichi and saying, a little sheepish and shy, “Uh… well, I guess I’m not ‘hot Kaito’ again…” 

…

Well, first of all, ‘awwwwww!’ was the absolute right reaction. Little Kaito was very sweet, and this was probably as close to seeing Kaito’s baby pictures as Kokichi was likely to get.

But also…

Kokichi blinked owlishly. And while he gave...Kid Kaito a soft smile, Kokichi’s confusion was still plain on his face. “Welcome to the party, but...how did I even manage this? I’ve never even seen pictures of you at this age…”

Sighing, Kokichi just let it be, and gave the cold version of his husband a warm smile. “But, hey! You’re one of the best Kai-chan memories I’ve made! Aaaand I get to see you like this! Which is amazing.”

“You know,” Kokichi said indulgently, “I can see why you tried copying your hairstyle from those fancy books you got--it really suits you.”

Kid Kaito, again, gave a surprisingly shy half-grin back, still nervously playing with his hands, as a small, pleased blush spread across his young face, “Yeah? It’s not stupid? I really like it… thanks!” He chuckled-- or, well, more honestly, giggled-- before giving his… sort of future husband, in a sense, an equally warm grin, as he said, “Chibi Kaito found me. I guess at least a part of you remembers, as soon as he does. That’s my best guess, anyway. We met once.”

Kid Kaito gave Kokichi a sheepish grin, “You, uh… convinced me not to start a fire. And, thanks for that! That would have been really dumb.”

...awww…

Kokichi had always had some reservations when Kaito talked about them meeting as kids. Pretty much entirely from his own end, since...well, no other kids had wanted to play with him, or found him interesting. Kokichi’s self-consciousness had made him completely skip over the idea of Kaito’s kid self and...he really was a cute little kid. 

...but apparently they had met. 

Again, Kokichi blinked in surprise, shocked with that information. “...seriously?! Well...uh… Welcome, but… Wow. What are the chances of that…”

“Based on how many memories Chibi Kaito’s ignoring right now to get ones where you possess people? Like… not as tiny as you’d think?” Kid Kaito observed, rubbing the back of his neck a little, again, his adult counterparts just watching all this with fascination.

‘Oh, god, no way were we ever this small. Look at us.” Wedding Kaito insisted, reaching out to squeeze Kid Kaito’s shoulder, who giggled, looking like the thin muscle was a little ticklish in the way he squirmed. “Look at how itty-bitty he is!”

“Hey, little man. Give us a grin, all teeth, lets see those canines.” Hot Kaito insisted, Kid Kaito looking over at him and indulging grinning as wide as he possibly could, “Hell yeah! Those back canines right there? That is the only reason we won that fight with Cassidy.”

“Oh, god,Cassidy, that’s right… man, what a scary bitch she was. What was she, twelve?”

“Thirteen.”

“What kind of thirteen year old picks a fight with a nine year old! I hope she still has that scar. What a dick.”

Hey, hey, come on. Give me a little punch, let’s see how strong you are.” Alpha Kaito said, holding up a hand to Kid Kaito, who grinned shyly again before, doing hs best, punching Alpha’s hand. Alpha made a show of wincing, shaking his head as he said, “Brutal! Owwww, you couldn’t have held back at all, kid?”

Kid Kaito laughed again, and Alter Ego finally said, “Since we’re still waiting on Chibi Kaito… Kokichi, would you be okay watching this memory? I can…” Alter Ego shrugged his little kitten shoulders, “I can understand if you’d rather not. Seeing a memory of your husband in crisis might be more difficult than strangers. But we still might learn something.”

...oh boy. If all the days he’d woken up with a headache were just some of the times he’d mind-hopped… Fuck. If Kokichi was familiar with a significant portion of the people who lived on this continent? Kokichi rubbed his forehead a bit, but...well, seeing the Kaitos continue to be good with kids, even the kid version of themself…

It always cheered Kokichi up. 

Bolstered, Kokichi nodded to his mentor, settling in to see another memory. “If Kai-chan’s okay with it, then...I think I’ll be okay watching. When I remember, it might be something cute to share… At least, that we met before we really met.”

This time, a book appeared in Kokichi’s hands, its pages flipping on their own like Kokichi’s food memory book. If Kid Kaito was the symbol of that memory, then...Kokichi had a guide to pull up the memory himself. Searching for the memory connected to Kid Kaito, it...kind of amazingly only took a few moments for a screen to form and expand. 

Kid Kaito immediately went back to worrying his hands, an uncertain grin on his face. But he didn’t say anything as Kokichi started looking for the memory. It wasn’t… a bad memory or anything… Kaito just hadn’t been exactly at his best that day… it had ended nicely though… nnnn…

On the screen…

Kaito, roughly nine years old, was humming happily, walking with an actual, literal bounce in his step, holding a large pile of chopped wood in his skinny arms. He had a wide, beaming grin on his face, an excited gleam in his eyes, and his hair was a bit of a mess, Kaito having been going up and down and up and down stairs for the last two hours non-stop, and was covered in sweat now. 

As he walked happily down the hallway, on his last run, a few servants cleaning saw him, and both bowed as he walked past, Kaito ignoring both of them, until one called out to him, “Prince Kaito, do you need any help with those?”

Kaito spun around, showing off a little as he walked easily backwards, grinning wide as he said, “No! Thank you!”

The servant bowed again, and returned to their task, the two not sparing it another thought, as the Luminary Prince continued on his way. 

Kaito had figured it out! He knew what to do! 

And the figure, who had been watching this curiously, was once again struck by how this was… different. Weird feeling. Looking back at the servants, around the foriegn, grand hallway, this… didn’t feel symbolic. Subconscious. This felt...real. Not the first time this had happened, not even the second or third. But still rare enough to be… huh.

The figure caught up with the red-headed boy, and hearing his excitement in his mind, asked, “What have you figured out?”

Kaito’s eyes widened, looking around to make certain there hadn’t actually been another kid here talking… before grinning brilliantly. Atua! Atua had come to visit again! With a cute new kid voice! That was rare! 

“I figured out how to stop training.” Kaito explained smugly, finally getting to the door and, looking around, opening it up, quickly getting in, closing it, and locking it behind him. Before, with a flourish, spinning again, proudly displaying his handiwork to his god as he said, “Ta-da!!”

The study was… literally covered in firewood. Coal had been literally hand thrown in random parts of the room, acting as fuel and tinder for the wood, which had been littered all over the couches, the rug, the table, around the floor. Over at the unlit-fireplace, was a huge pile of wood, spilling over the safety grate, likely where Kaito had first started staking wood before realizing he could get creative with it. With a smug grin, he tossed the last of his wood on the easy chair, taking a step back and, nervously popping his joints, he giggled, looking around the room with eyes slightly too wide as he said, “There! Done! It’s perfect, right!?”

Kaito was having a Bad Day.

Really, it was just a bad week. Too far. He had been pushed too far, this week. He was long past the breaking point, long past being fed up, and was ready to Take Action! No more training! He didn’t want to train anymore! He was Done. 

But… he couldn’t actually stop the training. Not, like, the adults or Byakuya or anything. He had tried to just stop going and that had led to the Very Bad Week! So! Something more needed to be done! 

He had, briefly, seriously considered just killing Head Secretary Tengan… but when he had started thinking of ‘how’ , he had gotten scared and intimidated. Thinking of all the ways it could go wrong… so! Next best thing! If he couldn’t kill the trainer! 

“I’ll burn down the study, and we’ll have nowhere to train anymore!” Kaito said enthusiastically, beaming around the office, hand on his hips, clearly incredibly proud of his idea, “This’ll work! It’s foolproof!”

The figure watched this curiously, looking around the massive fire hazard that this room now was, looking to the lock door. 

“...how are you going to light it?” The figure asked. 

“I’m gonna light the fireplace. I know how.” Kaito reassured his god, heading over to the fireplace, where a box of long matches were hidden behind the fire stroker. “Then I’ll run out. It’ll be fine.”

“...what if you can’t get out in time?”

“I run really fast! You know that! I’m a great runner!”

“I think fires faster…” the figure frowned, thinking of the people outside, in the hallway, “How are you going to stop the fire from spreading?” 

“Hm?” Kaito hummed, taking out one of the long matches, “The walls will.”

“I don’t think the walls are fireproof. Are they made of stone?”

“Ummmm…” Kaito looked at the walls uncertainly, “...yeah? Yeah! Probably!”

“They don’t look made of stone.”

“They probably have wood decoration. To be fancy! The outside walls are made of stone.”

“I think if you’re wrong, the fire might hurt people.”

Kaito frowned at that… saying uncertainly, “I don’t think it will… even if the fire spreads, the servants will put it out.”

“What if they get hurt?”

Kaito frowned again. The thought hadn’t occurred to him. “Ummm… maybe I could tell the servants to not fight the fire?”

“I think this is a bad idea.”

“Well, WHAT’S YOUR BRILLIANT IDEA THEN!?” Kaito suddenly shouted, throwing the matches against the wall, his eyes pinpricks as he clenched his fists closed, grabbing one of the woods and hurling it on the other side of the room, watching it hit the wall with some satisfaction as he shouted, “I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ELSE!!”

There was some silence, while Kaito took some heavy, panting breaths… before he ran his hand through his hair. Embarrassed, as he said quietly, shyly, “Sorry… I mean… sorry, what do you think I should do…?”

“...I think you should put all this stuff away before you get into trouble.”

Kaito looked profoundly disappointed by this idea… but sighed. If his god said he shouldn’t… “Fine.” Kaito muttered, going to collect some of the wood, before looking around and groaning loudly, “Ugh. This is gonna take me forever.”

The figure felt a little bad about that, but was glad the kid wasn’t going to go through with it, as he said, “Yeah… I’ll keep you company while you do it, if you want.”

“Yeah? Alright… wanna see how fast I can run down the stairs?”

“...Yeah!” the figure giggled, watching the strange red-headed boy bounce from angry to disappointed to cheerful again in whip neck speed, the kid a little ridiculous, but his grin infectious. “Sure. I’ll time you. Starting… now!”

Kaito’s capability for violence wasn’t surprising. His anger and mood swings weren’t either. Kokichi knew how his husband had been as a child. Those things weren’t what made his face fall as he watched the memory, despite the sweet, childhood moments between them. 

This was...prime example of Kokichi acting without knowing anything of the circumstances. 

Slowly, Kokichi looked over at Kid Kaito, his face...drawn in guilt and regret. And while he hadn’t wanted to startle the kid, even if the figment was aware… Gently, Kokichi drew him into a hug, holding him close. 

“...I’m so sorry, Kai-chan…”

Kid Kaito gave Kokcihi a nervous, shy grin, easily allowing himself to be pulled, hugging him back, resting his head on his shoulder, “Awww, it’s okay. I’m okay!” he pulled back a little, grinning wide and pointing to the trio of Kaito’s, who were discussing the memory, all of them surprised that, oh yeah… they remembered this… man, could you imagine if we had actually started that fire? Holy shit…

“See? Look! I got past it! I grew up and left and I’m fine! I got to you, eventually.” The child beamed up at Kokichi, taking his hands and squeezing them gently, “It all worked out for me, in the end. I’m okay!” 

...it wasn’t that Kokichi thought starting that fire was a good idea. It very likely would’ve gotten a lot of people hurt, if not Kaito himself. But…

Well, it was quite childish, wasn’t it. To focus on the fire and not...why Kaito had been driven to such lengths to want to start one. Why he wanted to stop training. To leave Kaito to do...nothing. 

...Kokichi had had an opportunity to help Kaito out of the severe abuse he’d been subjected to. And Kokichi had told him to do nothing. 

...but he had also been six at the time. 

Letting out a breath, Kokichi still felt...heavy guilt, but...he gently squeezed Kid Kaito’s hand back, smiling at him. “You’re okay. You’re wonderful, I’d go so far to say.”

Kid Kaito grinned wide at that, blushing red and just looking incredibly pleased and flattered, before saying, “Heck yeah! Course I am! I’m Kaito Momota, Luminary Prince of the Stars!’

Alpha Kaito laughed at that, shaking his head a little. Ha. Now it’s been a minute since he’s said that. 

Alter Ego, who was able to watch the memory with more impartiarity than everyone else, observed that, unlike with the half-dead little girl in Novoselic… there was no real reason Kaito should have been able to hear Kokichi. And, also, that the child had been entirely unsurprised to hear Kokichi’s voice, beyond a moment of being startled. That was all… strange. 

They kept their concerns to themselves, though, as finally, there was a strange, unfurling sound… and everyone looked up to see Chibi Kait, covered in dirt, a singe mark on his clothes that looked like he had dodged some fire, and missing a shoe, floated down with a parachute. 

Looking exhausted, Chibi Kaito was caught by Kid Kaito, the small creature holding a memory of a baby rattle to Kokichi. Mission success! This was the only other memory of possession, though, it was more like a series of moments within a certain timeframe, all condensed into one memory, montage style. Nothing past this part of Kokichi’s childhood though! He did it!

Kokichi looked up as he heard an odd sound, and seeing the state of Chibi Kaito...this was the last memory he’d ask the mechanic to retrieve. If Chibi Kaito was tired and disheveled, then that probably meant Kokichi was at his limit. It was an odd night for sure, but...they’d gotten a surprising amount done. And one more thing to do…

Grinning appreciatively at Chibi Kaito, Kokichi leaned in to give him another forehead kiss before he accepted the rattle--which in itself was kind of odd to see. “Thank you very much. You can rest for the rest of the night, if you want.”

Not wanting to waste time, however, Kokichi opened the memory from the rattle. 

And...like pretty much any time Kokichi saw himself as a toddler, he cringed, unable to find cuteness or pride in his too small, too thin, tired body. This time, the tiny version of himself was in his crib--the transitory size before having a bed, he noted, mostly from looking over baby information so frequently over the past months--looking...tired, of course, but upset and irritated. But instead of bursting into tears, the baby Kokichi just looked over at the door, his face scrunching even more until…

Within a few moments, a blank-faced Ikuo came in through the door, heading straight for Kokichi before blinking and sighing, picking Kokichi up from his crib and starting to bounce and cuddle him. 

And considering that this was a conglomeration of memories, the scene jolted, changing rapidly into another.

Little Kokichi, once again, tried to reach for the strawberry’s, which Ikou pulled the plate back a little, saying sternly, “Uh uh, bunny. Greens first, then you’re rewarded with dessert. Can’t skip the step. Need the vitamins.”

Little Kokichi’s eyes started to water, a look so furious on his face that it could only belong to a near infant who was going through one of the first big disappointments of his life as he looked at his nanny like he’d quite like to throw that plate at his face. “Ehg!” The baby insisted, ignoring the spoonful of grossness Ikou was trying to insist on, reaching to grab for another strawberry again. 

“I ain’t budging. This is the trade kid. How about this, one bite of the spoon, then one bite of strawberry.”

“EHG!” Kokichi whined, face going red, scrunching, reaching for the strawberry more forcefully, “EHG!”

“You can ‘ehg’ all ya want, you’re not-” Ikou’s face went still, Kokichi glaring at him… but his little face lit up as, wordlessly, Ikou turned that plate around, so that the strawberries were in easy grabbing distance. The infant going ham on them, when after a moment, Ikou blinked, looking down at the plate… and sighing. “Not again.” He muttered, giving the toddler a reproachful look. “...gonna have to do something about this, huh?”

Again the scene changed, Kokichi sitting on a rug with a big cushion behind him to help if he started to get too tired to keep sitting up. He was holding a teddy bear in his arms but otherwise looked unenthused as Ikuo tried to engage him with various toys. The toddler’s bored eyes kept going to the window, and after long enough, Ikuo just sighed and scooped Kokichi up to go watch the window. 

Now, it at first didn’t make much sense why Ikuo would be exasperated, since looking out a window could be helpfully engaging for a young child as well, but soon enough…

It started with a few birds flying past the window, but before long, what looked to be an entire swarm started flying towards the castle. And with absolute nonchalance, even with a happily squirming toddler in his arms, Ikuo just covered Kokichi’s eyes before the birds could get close enough to hit the window, waiting until the birds diverted their path before allowing Kokichi’s tiny hands to push him away. 

“BAAAH!!” the toddler unhappily shrieked, seeing all his friends going away. 

“‘S real rude, yanno,” Ikuo just sighed, starting to bounce Kokichi. “The birds have their own things goin’ on too.”

It was this moment that Wedding Kaito’s eyes widened, giving Kokichi a shocked, nervous look as he said, “Dem-”

It was Alpha Kaito who smacked him, hard, against the back of his head, a genuienly furious look on his face as he said, ending the smack by grabbin Kaito’s hair and pulling his head back, seething at him “Don’t you ever fucking say that. Not once, don’t even think it. You ever say that shit to my husband again and I’ll knock all the god damn teeth out of your head and you’ll thank me for it.”

“Our ‘Kichi’s not that.” Hot Kaito agreed easily, watching the memories with fascination as Wedding Kaito winced in Alpha Kaito’s hand, Kid Kaito holding a now sleeping Chibi Kaito, pressed up against his chest, watching all of this quietly. “But man, ‘Kichi… you’re definitely something. That was incredible…”

There were a few more memories like that in a row. Infant Kokichi just fascinated by the local wildlife, Ikou in the next memory having to convince an increasingly distraught toddler, no, you can’t bring your possessed little squirrel into the castle, it’s got a home of its own to go back to, let it go now. Then Ikou had to comfort a shrieking housekeeper who had just not been able to handle seeing the sickly Dicean Prince cheerfully playing with some otherwise harmless garden snakes he had found in the, well, gardens. The third memory though of Ikou watching silently one of the chefs ‘inexplicably’ bring Kokichi some ice cream, letting his son get as far as getting the ice cream before the chef, confused, wandered away, and then taking the ice cream from Kokichi’s hands and, ignoring the desperate crying, throwing it away in front of him.

“Nope. That’s not how you get things. We ask for ice cream or we don’t get it at all.” Ikou told the howling child sternly, taking him away from the kitchens.

Kokichi was a little more distracted by the absolutely wild things playing back on the screen, but...that was probably a good thing. Even if his more current Kaito’s affirmed what he’d told him that day, hearing that...fear in Kaito’s voice, even for a moment, was still… Well. He was glad they both weren’t still who they were at the wedding. 

Shaking his head, Kokichi had a newfound appreciation for his dad, dealing with not just a fussy toddler, but a fussy toddler with psychic abilities, and doing it all with the same bluntness Ikuo did everything with. Though, it did beg the question...what did Ikuo know? Honestly...as soon as Kokichi remembered, he was going to have a...long talk with his dad. 

...it occurred to Kokichi that Ikuo’s stories of coming across magic folk in his youth might not actually be metaphors or fairytales. 

But that was something to deal with down the line. 

“...if that’s where my discomfort with wasted food comes from, I’m gonna be so pissed at myself,” Kokichi sighed, flopping back on the grass once the memory ended. “...fuck… It’s really not gonna be enough to just hope Miya’s not gonna pull this shit if she’s powerful enough to, is it.”

Alpha Kaito’s eyes widened at that, still not having let go of Wedding Kaito’s hair, who was starting to whimper uncomfortably in his grip, as Alpha said, “Oh no… is that gonna be us? Are we having a magic baby???”

“It’s entirely possible.” Alter Ego said, grimly not saying… okay… the odds of all those people… and animals… being affected by Flora stuff? Was… not high… uh oh… hmmmmmm…. “She is the child of Kokichi, and while not all magic is genetic, Empaths are more likely to be born of other Empaths than not… not to mention… Miyako’s other, natural psychic abilities she’ll have regardless. Huh… we really, really need to start preparing you in the real world for this, Kokichi.”

Kokichi nodded soberly, his brow furrowed as he stared at the sky. “...luckily my dad is gonna help us out with her too. If there’s any way to tip him off that Miya might be like me? Then he’s already a huge resource.”

“...” Kokichi let out a sigh, somehow circling back to his feelings at the beginning of the night. “Why can’t I just remember yet?! Then I could talk to Ikuo myself, and let Kai-chan and Shuu-chan know and...and we could actually be prepared for Miyako, even if she’s, other than baby psychic influence, gonna just be a normal kid, pretty much. But even if there’s nothing more to do, just knowing we’d be able to keep her safe and understand her better…”

Wedding Kaito winced again, half bent over at the pressure of the fingers through his hair, Alpha Kaito still not done punishing him, before gasping out, “Why not… uh… can you just prep us in our heads? A-alter Ego said conversations in the mind echo in the r-real world, right?”

“...I think this is important enough that I’d be okay going to your and Shuu-chan’s minds, but…” Kokichi sighed again. “I won’t remember. Mostly likely, they’re just gonna think they had weird dreams about magic, and we’ll all talk about how weird it is. I already...accidently, in a way, told Kai-chan I’m an Empath, and you just brought it up as a thought-experiment about superpowers. If I could convince myself of all this stuff, then none of this would be a problem we’re having now.”

After a moment, Kokichi looked up at Alpha Kaito and Wedding Kaito, giving Alpha a pleading look. “I know it pisses you off, but please let him go. All this is...a lot to take in, and at that point, he barely knows me. I know Kai-chan’ll defend me in the physical world--you don’t need to take it out on yourself.”

“...fine.” Kaito grumbled, looking just as disappointed as his childhood self had about not getting to start the fire, letting go of Wedding Kaito’s hair before growling at him, “Apologize and thank him for his kindness.”

“Yes, yep! Uh, sorry, Prince Kokichi, thank you.” Wedding Kaito said, bowing his head lightly, still rubbing gently the back of his head as he said, “This is all… a lot! But, I’m sure we’ve got this handled! We’re more than capable of taking care of a magical baby! … is that how Shuichi was able to get pregnant? Cause the baby's magic?”

Hot Kaito sighed, patting the younger version of himself on the back sympathetically, “We told you, man, don’t worry about it. We got it all sorted out.”

Alter Ego looked at the strange, mostly red-headed group… and sighed. Standing up. “Alright. I think it’s time, Kokichi. We’ve learned a lot, but if Chibi Kaito is any indication, you’re exhausted. We need to wrap this up.”

...they’d get it sorted out. 

Stretching, Kokichi gave his mentor a nod and got up from the ground, turning to face all the Kaitos. “Sorry for giving some of you...the most confusing time ever. But thanks for hanging out.”

Going to Alpha Kaito first, Kokichi stood on his toes to place a kiss on his husband’s cheek. “I love you, and though this isn’t your dream, I’ll see you in the morning, sweets.”

Then to Hot Kaito, Kokichi gave him a kiss as well, along with an amused look. “I am...not going to tell Kai-chan about this, because part of why I like seeing you like this is the moments when you don’t notice I’m looking. And also we know you’d do it constantly.”

To Kid Kaito, Kokichi held his hands out to accept the sleeping Chibi Kaito, and he gave the kid an affectionate stroke through his hair. “...I’m so happy I met you. You’re amazing, Kai-chan. I’m proud of you, and I can’t wait to tell you that we actually did meet when we were kids.”

And then to Wedding Kaito… Kokichi’s smile was...a little strained. But it was still affectionate. “...I don’t think I told you, but you looked so...amazing during our wedding. It was during it that I really started thinking that you were someone I could be happy spending the rest of my life with. And...every day since then, I only feel that more and more. Thank you for being kind to me.”

And with that, he dismissed his fragments.

Alpha Kaito gave Kokichi a warm look, saying simply, “See ya in the morning, beautiful.”

Hot Kaito snickered, “Tragic. But very fair. Uh, so ya know...I think that one's cute, and I am super down for it, that’s it, that’s all I’m saying, do with it as you will!” Kaito grinned, all teeth, after pointing to the slightly flushed Alpha Kaito and putting his hands up in surrender, giving Kokichi a wink. “Later babe.”

Kid Kaito easily gave Chibi kaito up, who blinked sleepily, curled into Kokichi’s chest, and fell back asleep again, as Kid Kaito grinned cheerfully at the stroke, “I think so too. It was really cool! Thanks for visiting me.”

And Wedding Kaito gave Kokichi an equally uncertain grin, though he flushed red a little at the gentle compliment and thanks, bowing his head as he said, “It was my pleasure. And, clearly, it was worth it! Honestly, it’s a relief to see this all worked out the way it did. The wedding days been… pretty scary! It’s nice to see it’s gonna work out.” Wedding Kaito gave Kokichi a determined look, “I’m looking forward to getting to know you, Kokichi Ouma!”

And with that, they were all gone. Absorbed back into the greater consciousness, Kaito a… clearer image, now, in Kokichi’s head, now that he was able t analyze him in a different way.

Alter Ego leapt onto a cloud and floated up to Kokichi’s side, “There’s a lot to still talk about, but… maybe that’s enough for a night. Do you want me to come back tomorrow? Or, do you need a longer break than that?”

...of course Kaito would want to fuck himself. Of course. 

With a small sigh, Kokichi looked down at the sleeping chibi in his arms, haggard and exhausted...and now that Kokichi wasn’t focusing on a bunch of things...he could feel that echo within himself too. Giving Alter Ego a slightly apologetic look, Kokichi nodded softly. “I think...I wanna try and properly sleep through the whole night tomorrow. I’m already driving myself crazy--I think I need a break. But…”

Kokichi frowned, looking out on the field, down to the peaceful lake. “...we do need to do something. Miya’s gonna be born in almost a month… I know Temp and Shuu-chan made a deal to wait until after she’s born, but...I need to figure out how to give us at least a little preparation.”

“...do you think I should ask someone to tell my dad?”

“Considering what we now know raising you was like? I’m actually shocked Ikou himself hasn’t warned you this is a possibility. I didn’t wanna say this in front of the Kaito’s because I like my fur on my skin, but the thing with the animals was actually kind of terrifying, Kokichi.” Alter Ego said, somewhat joking… somewhat. “You don’t want to be caught by surprise by something like that. You absolutely need to go to your father for help.”

Kokichi grimaced. “Yeah… I’m glad I could help that girl, but...I’m glad I never did stuff like that past my toddler years. It’s...concerning.” Incredibly scary, and...honestly, if it was just that stuff, Kokichi would’ve thought Wedding Kaito’s hushed fear of a ‘demon’ would’ve been apt.

Running his free arm through his hair--before returning it to support Chibi Kaito’s body--Kokichi sighed. “...I’ll ask Temp if he’s willing to let Ikuo know. Considering he’s apparently known about all this stuff the entire time...I think he might be willing to believe what Temp says at face value.”

“...I really wish I hadn’t thought he’d just been telling me fairytales this whole time,” Kokichi groaned.

“In fairness to you, fairy tales are somewhat designed to be propaganda to cover up magical communities. And they’re also just… straight up facts that get mistaken for fiction.” Alter Ego said, tail flicking, “So the odds weren’t exactly in your favor… how about this? Let me handle talking to Temp. I’ll explain the situation and ask him to talk to Ikou. See what the man can do for you. You spend the next however many nights you need resting, and when you’re ready, we’ll start working on making defenses and mechanisms that will stop your subconscious actions. Does that sound like a plan?”

Kokichi gave his mentor a thankful look. He hadn’t really wanted to delay talking to Temp, but...he really didn’t have it in him for a visit tonight. If Alter Ego was willing to get the ball rolling in that regard...he was very thankful. 

Giving a smile and a nod, Kokichi let the field fade into his room, planning to give both himself and Chibi Kaito a nice metaphor to sleep in. “It does. This was...enlightening, if nothing else. But it's given us a way forward.”

“I’ll see you soon, Alter Ego. Thank you so much for helping me out.”

-

Kaito woke up before daylight hit and…

...oh nooooo…

Fuck his god damn legs.

He twitched, glaring at the ceiling, feeling like his legs had viscous, mean fire ants running painfully through his knees, ankles and hips, and everything else just felt bruised… he had overdone it. He had done his best to not let Tim notice, cause Tim respected strength, but… fuck he had overdone it…

Running his hand over his face, he realized if this was how he felt, Tim probably didn’t feel any better. Okay… okay…

Glancing at the window, Kaito made a few decisions before, with a small, pained grunt, getting up, heading over to the bathroom slowly, grabbing some painkillers and throwing that back dry. And, because he was NOT in the habit of doing that, he coughed a bit, before looking at the painkillers… could you give regular painkillers to a nine year old? Was that okay? He had already decided Tim wasn’t going to school today, but he should probably set his kid up to not spend the rest of the day sore and in agony either. He’d make a trip to medical and ask…

...his ears barely heard it but…

...Kokichi?

They were, like, sounds of suffocation or anything. But there were a series of small gasps phasing out Kokichi’s usual snuffles. Not quite conscious, but...in too much pain to be fully unconscious. Kokichi writhed softly in bed, letting out his tiny, quiet sounds of pain as his brain started to give the first few hints that today was going to be miserable. 

He had...really overdone it. And now the physical strain on his brain was going to constantly remind him of the price. 

A note of a whimper sounded in Kokichi’s throat as he kept trying to escape his body.

Kaito, once again, considered the painkillers… alright. Another reason to go to medical. He should have expected this actually, this was probably one of the reason Kokichi’s felt so ‘off’ yesterday. His body was probably setting up for a bad day. Alright. No problem. They’d go down to medical and see what could be done for the day. No problem. Everything was fine.

Putting the painkillers down, Kaito gave his Kokichi a soft, worried look, heart sinking at his pain, but went to the other side of the bed first, rousing Shuichi.

“Mm?” Shuichi hummed, not opening his eyes.

“Don’t wake up handsome.” Kaito said, “I think Kokichi’s got a migraine again, so I’m gonna take him to medical, okay? Everything’s fine.”

Shuichi’s eyes opened at this, looking over his shoulder at Kokichi in concern, “Oh… should I come with you-”

“Nah, it’s okay, go back to sleep, he’ll be okay. I’ve got him.” Kaito promised, giving Shuichi a kiss on the cheek, before heading back over to the other side and, as gently as he could, scooping Kokichi up into his arms, murmuring immediately, “Sorry, sorry, beautiful, we’re going on a trip. Come on, it’ll be over soon, I promise.” As he headed to the door, Shuichi watching sadly from the bed as they left.

Kokichi softly whined as he felt his body being moved, his eyes scrunching up harder and his hands going to his head, as if putting external pressure on it would help the pulsing, stabbing waves of pain becoming more prominent every moment. But...the warmth around him was familiar and comforting...so he curled into it, pressing his forehead against Kaito’s chest to try and block out any light. 

Kaito…

...it was weird. Kokichi wasn’t quite awake-awake, though his burgeoning migraine was making sure he damn well wasn’t asleep anymore, but… There was one thought in his mind beside just the constant thrum of ‘OW’, and it was...something that he felt with an absolute certainty. 

If Kaito ever met a clone or copy of himself, they would absolutely bang.

And that knowledge, while completely certain, wasn’t of any help right now, and probably ever. 

His voice strained and thick with sleep, Kokichi whimpered against his husband’s body. “...Kai-chan…”

“I know babe, I see it. Not much longer, I promise.” Kaito said, though as he came to the stairwell…

… it’d be fine. Just…one floor worth of stairs. You had some painkillers already. Just go slow and be careful.

Halfway down, sweat going down his face, Kaito kicked himself. He shouldn’t have done the stupid ‘run until he can’t keep going’ idea. Oh sure, try to teach Tim empathy for Kokichi’s problems by wearing his body out, great idea Kaito. Only, numb-nuts, you barely managed that run too, and had to walk home carrying Tim, who only got heavier as the night had gone on, and now Kokichi’s in pain and you have to get down these damn steps!

Stupid. Fucking stupid.

But, somehow, he managed anyway, and he got to medical, pushing through the doors and saying to the first healer he saw, “Hey, Kokichi’s in pain. I think it’s his head again. Can you look him over and give him something to get back to sleep?”

Nell, just getting on duty, bright and early, had hurried over to the princes when she saw them come through the door. But...thankfully, all of Prince Kokichi’s blood was in his body and his heartbeat was steady. ...a little constricted in his head, which was probably a source of some of the pain, but...as annoying as they were, pure headaches had never killed anyone. 

...Kaito, though…

Nell nodded, leading Kaito over to one of the side rooms--they could control the light better there, so Kokichi could rest. “Of course, set him down and I’ll check him over. Though…”

The older woman tilted her head with an inquiring look. “Forgive my prying, but is there anything you need? You look kinda...pained? And not in just worry for your husband.”

Kaito nodded in relief, placing Kokichi down and, immediately, leaning against the bed a little. Stupid, stupid, fucking stupid you god damn dumb waste of-

“Hm?” Kaito said, looking over to the woman, his brain doing a dial tone for a moment, before, “Oh, yeah, no, I’m fine. I worked out last night and I’m just sore… actually, that’s a point. Is it alright to give a nine year old regular painkillers? My kid was working out with me and if I feel like this? I wanna have something waiting for him when he wakes up. Any recommendations?” he asked, stepping back from the table a bit to give the healer room to look over Kokichi.

While she listened to Kaito, Nell got to work checking over Kokichi, washing her hands before checking his pulse (a little quick, but normal considering he was in pain) and temperature (normal, is a little on the warm side--she’d keep an eye on it) and lightly touching around his head, feeling out tension spots...but also getting a better idea of his bloodflow. 

“Painkillers like ibuprofen and paracetamol are fine for kids. Others are usually fine, but those two are the best recommended… If you don’t already have some--Kokichi usually takes acetaminophen, right?--then we can give you a few doses to give Timothy.” Nell paused, considering as she stood up, washing her hands again before shutting the blinds and curtains in the room. “We can also sign you out some flexible ice packs--they can be heated up to be heat pads too. And make sure Timothy has plenty to drink. Water’s best, but...really anything that keeps him hydrated will help. It’s a little early, but would you like me to send word for someone to bring breakfast up? Or you want to handle it yourself?”

“It does look like a migraine, by the way,” the healer added. “I’m going to get him some painkillers, something that’s going to help the blood vessels in his head relax, and then...he’ll mostly just need rest.”

“If you wouldn’t mind, I appreciate that. We have some ibuprofen already, so I’ll just head up and give the kid some of that, along with those ice pack things too, tell him he’s got the day off school and to relax and drink water and all that. Then I’ll…” Kaito frowned. He shouldn’t… just watch a sleeping Kokichi if his kid was hurt and needed looking after… should he?

…. He honestly didn’t know.

“...come back down to look after Kokichi.” Kaito mumbled, looking over at his husband, still whimpering and writhing in his sleep. He’d… he’d find Haneda and ask her to look after Tim… right? Was that… what he should do?

“Can I bring Kokichi back up to the room once he’s settled into the painkiller?” Kaito asked, mildly hoping to split the difference. He’d just go back and forth! He could do both! It’d be fine!

Nell gave Kaito an odd look, though she motioned for the prince to walk with her as they talked, so she could get Kokichi his painkiller while they were still in discussion. “...yeah, though for his comfort you’ll probably want to draw your curtains. I’m going to give him a relatively strong painkiller, so it should last him until this evening, but please notify someone if his pain continues at this strength before then.”

“...it’s difficult, looking after multiple people at once. Is...Shuuichi busy today? I could settle shifts here and help you look after your husband and son, if you’d like. Especially if you’re still feeling sore, it always helps to have another person on board.”

Was Shuichi busy today? Did he get his project done yesterday, or… it shouldn’t matter. Shuichi was pregnant, and Timothy was Kaito’s kid-- not to mention it was his own damn fault if Tim was in pain today-- and Kokichi was Kaito’s husband-- okay, that one wasn’t fair on Shuichi, but Kaito’s brain was racing and stream of consciousness wasn’t always fair-- and Kaito should be capable of taking care of both without burdening his boyfriend, dammit.

...nnnngh, none of that was right either. Shuichi kept saying he wanted Kaito and Kokichi to lean on him more. 

… Kokichi, historically, would just need someone to keep an eye on him. Make certain nothing went wrong, honestly. Shuichi could absolutely do that. Just stay in the room with him. If anything happened…

(Kaito suddenly had a vision of Kokichi suddenly gasping in bed, his heart, inexplicably, failing on him, and a pregnant Shuichi struggling to race out of the room to find someone to help in time. Help for Kokichi came slower, the heart attack became worse, Shuichi’s stress breaks his water, his boyfriend fucking dies trying to give birth in a way his body can’t handle and Miyako comes out too small, way too fucking small…)

“Would you mind? Sorry, I know how inconvenient it is, but I think Shuichi was working on some big, end of semester project, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking him to put off working on it to sit with Kokichi. I mean, Kokichi’s going to be fine, but… probably best to have someone in the room with him… I can ask around for some more help to take over whenever your shifts done today?” Kaito asked, giving the healer a sheepish, earnest grin, feeling genuinely bad to take her up on her offer. He really should be able to do this on his own, but Tim’s situation was so entirely his own damn fault, and the kid was constantly feeling like he was second place to Kokichi…

Nell shook her head, waving Kaito off as she prepared Kokichi’s painkiller. “If it was inconvenient, I wouldn’t have offered. We try to keep busy, but considering how many of us have to be on duty at any given time to be up to procedure in case of emergencies? There’s only so much prep work to be done, and only so many people coming into the ward. Helping you look after Kokichi is the best use of my time today.”

They cleaned, kept instruments up to use, sorted and updated medical records, and even just read through medical articles and reports and journals that came up, trying to be on top of the field. But especially for Nell...it wasn’t unusual to find healers just trying to fill any time they could, any way they could. She wouldn’t be surprised to hear she’d read through most of the library at this point. Looking after a sleeping Kokichi wouldn’t be the most thrilling thing, but it would still take some focus, and it was something Nell could do that was actually part of her job. 

“And I can handle asking someone on the next shift to take my place too--I can get things sorted down here when you take Kokichi back upstairs. And presumably let Shuuichi know.”

Back at Kokichi’s side, Nell ran a calming hand over the prince’s forehead before, quickly, gently she gave him a shot, figuring from how much he was whimpering he’d have a tough time swallowing anything. Migraines really were a tough boat...poor Kokichi.

“Of course.” Kaito said, watching as, with some relief, his husband pretty rapidly after the shot started to still, the tense, angry lines in his face smoothing out, his eyes briefly opening, blinking twice… before closing again. Kokichi settling down back into sleep. Good…

Kaito would give him ten minutes to settle, before, thanking Dr. Nell again, he scooped Kokichi up and, ice packets literally tucked into his pants waistband-- cold, cold, cold-- he headed back upstairs.

Thankfully, his own painkillers were finally having some actual effect, so the trip back upstairs was only somewhat agony, his knees begging him to stop by the time he got to the top, but to the top he got anyway! Shuichi, in turn, hadn’t quite managed to fall back asleep yet, and Kaito explained that Dr. Nell would be coming up to keep an eye on Kokichi while he slept off his migraine, so Shuichi could do anything he liked.

Shuichi frowned at this a bit, watching Kaito put Kokichi back to bed, as he asked, “Why won’t you be here?”

“Timothy’s gonna be out of sorts when he wakes up, and it’s kinda entirely my fault, so I’m gonna go and fuss over him a bit.” Kaito explained, bringing up the blanket and tucking Kokichi in, leaning down to give his husband a kiss on the forehead. “So I’m just gonna go be a pain in his butt by making sure there isn’t any pain in his butt… or more likely knees. His knees are probably gonna be out of it.”

“Why?”

“We went running for a loooooong time.” Kaito explained, going and double checking there was enough tea for when Kokichi woke up, filling up some water to put by his bed as well, while Shuichi scooted in for cuddling range. “Too long. Do you need anything handsome?”

Shuichi shook his head, tucking himself in beside Kokichi, wrapping his arm around him and closing his eyes. It was still early, and fuck it, he didn’t care if there was gonna be a healer there. He was going back to sleep.

“Okay. I’ll be in Timothy’s room, alright. If you need anything, come get me. If you need me urgently, shout, I’ll come running.” Kaito promised, going to close the curtains of the window, shutting the room in darkness, closing the bathroom door so the light there wouldn’t get in either. “Love you. Call me for anything.”

Shuichi nodded, already half asleep again. “Kay. Love you too.”

-

Nell didn’t take long to settle things with the other healers on duty, and to stop by the dining hall. Tim and Kaito would probably be up for eating, whenever breakfast came up, and...really, just to be polite she mentioned it for Shuuichi too. Honestly Kokichi was probably going to be out for a few hours, but if he did wake up, food would do him well. 

Knocking gently on the door and announcing herself, hearing Shuuichi mumble something that was akin to an entry pass, Nell found a chair nearer to Kokichi’s side of the bed, close enough to act rapidly if something happened, but far enough that she wasn’t looming over the sleeping partners. She took a book out of her bag, settling down for what she figured would be a quiet time.

Shuichi blinked, peeking up over the blankets edge, peering through the darkness. Who had they gotten in the healer roulette this time…

Oh.

Hm.

In a way, he was almost disappointed. He’d quite like to just… go back to sleep, honestly. He’d quite like to not care who was here. He’d quite like to not care about anything, really. 

And he tried. He gave it an honest shot. He laid back down and closed his eyes and reminded himself Drake was just a guy, and he was a nice one at that, and was his friend. It was a pure coincidence he had a relative in the castle, if there was any weird, like… convenience, in all of it, then to what point? Why? To be Shuichi’s friend? Why? To spy on Kokichi? Kaito? Why? To assassinate someone? Why? What would be the point? It wouldn’t benefit anyone.

… yeah, and Cedar hadn’t gained literally anything pushing his boyfriend to the god damned brink either. Bud and his family had been insane, and so had the brewery kids. So were the people who had killed Kokichi’s mother, and, frankly, so was Byakuya and Maki and Kaede and everyone who had ever found some dumbass asinine reason to destroy each other.

You didn’t have to understand why someone would do it. Trying to guess why would only confuse you. Motive was secondary to evidence. 

(... he should really… read that letter at some point…)

Sighing, hating his own paranoia and the shitty place it made his world, Shuichi shifted the blanket a bit to be able to look at Nell, and said, “...you know, you and I have a person in common.”

Nell looked up in surprise, just...kind of shocked that Shuuichi was speaking to her, and it wasn’t anything about...her presence in the room. She and Shuuichi had...maybe exchanged two sentences since he’d started living in the castle? And they were less having a conversation, and Nell just explaining something about Kokichi’s healthcare. 

...but they did have a person in common. Drakon had, thankfully, let her know that he had become friends with Shuuichi, so...she shouldn’t be surprised if he mentioned something. And here he was, saying something, though she was kind of surprised. 

“...we do,” Nell hummed as she set her book to the side for the moment. “I didn’t think it would be particularly interesting to you, though, since we’ve never really spoken. I don’t care much about formalities, if you’re taking this as a moment of opportunity to re-introduce yourself.”

“Have I ever introduced myself?” Shuichi asked, deciding perhaps it was a bit rude to talk to her lying on his back and, with a shift, sitting up, re-tucking the blanket around Kokichi before looking back to Dr. Nell. Bowing his head, he said, “Shuichi Saihara. From the incredibly formal country of Luminary… and I apologize for boring you, then. I thought I might take the opportunity to say that Drake has been a lovely friend to me. I was wondering what he was like as a nephew?”

“...pff.” Nell let out the barest huff of a kind laugh and shook her head before bowing it slightly. “Nell Pacuvius, practicing healer in Dicea. And my own apologies--I meant that, on my end, you didn’t have to feel obligated to talk with me just because of your friendship with Drake. I am happy to hear that you two have a good relationship, though.”

With a little more of a smile, there was something mildly amused in her tired pink eyes. “I imagine Drake told you that we never actually met until he moved to Usott? His father, my cousin Anik, and I spent some time together when we were kids, when the family got together, but we were never especially close… But since I’ve gotten to know my nephew?”

“He’s a good kid,” she said fondly. “Earnest and eager, in his own way, though...I really don’t know how he keeps getting himself into messes. He’s not a careless kind of person…” He wasn’t cursed or anything--Drakon’s natural luck just genuinely seemed to be that bad. 

Smiling a little more, she mentioned, “He gave me a small, potted aloe plant for Unity--decorated the pot himself. Considering he’s spreading his wings, coming to the city and living on his own, I kind of expected us to remain strangers...but we try to have lunch or dinner together every other week or so. It’s been...really nice, getting to know my nephew.”

“I should probably let you know, your name’s come up more than a few times. Nothing bad, I promise.”

“Oh?” Shuichi smiled lightly, “I’m more self-interested than I appear. I have to ask what he said.”

“General things, mostly. That he met another person going for a detective’s certification when you two started the semester, and points in class you brought up.” Nell smirked a bit. “He might be a bit embarrassed of me saying this, but he seems kind of star-struck by you. I know you’re not practicing right now, but he has painted a picture of a world-class detective.”

Shuchi felt a small warmth of pride, but said with appropriate humility, “I was capable enough. Luminary gave me more advantages to do well than I’ll have in Dicea, so we’ll see how well my success translates. But he has been very kind to me, while I’m adjusting to Dicea’s concepts and laws.”

There honestly wasn’t much more to say. Shuichi didn’t know what to say and Dr. Nell seemed mostly uninterested in being talked to from the start. Shuichi supposed he could ask her about her life a bit, but their only common interest, Drake, had apparently barely been a part of it. He could ask about her career, but… well, he supposed he could ask about her career.

“You’ve been working here since we arrived, and I’m assuming before that. How long have you been a part of the castle staff?” Shuichi asked, no real goal in the question. 

“Drake has a keen interest for law--if he believes in you, I believe that’s more than friendly kindness,” Nell idly praised. She had no reason to gas Shuuichi up, but...well, he was her ‘nephew’s friend. And while Drakon was quite young, he did have a robust knowledge and interest in Dicean law and justice, and he seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. It didn’t cost Nell anything to be kind in her own right. 

Nodding slowly at Shuuichi’s next question, Nell sighed, her gaze drifting up. “How long has it been…? I’m...I think this fall I’ll have been here for eighteen years. It’s been a while. I enjoy patient services, though, so it’s been a good while.”

In turn, Nell gave Shuuichi a polite nod. “Drake told me that you were given the opportunity to finish up your credit work from home. I imagine your daughter’s going to take up more than a few priorities, but do you have an idea of when you would want to go back to school?”

The honest answer was ‘as soon as possible’, but… “I suppose ‘as soon as I can walk again’ is unrealistic.” Shuichi murmured, before giving the doctor a mildly wary look. “...do you… have any experience with pregnancies? The before and after and all of that?”

“You’d honestly be better off asking your OB about it, but it’s not a complete blindspot for me,” Nell answered, unsurprised by Shuuichi’s eagerness to return to school. While the young man was very human--now, at least--he did share the same kind of career-oriented passion that was fairly common in vampires. An old acquaintance of hers used to joke that when someone got turned, they spun a wheel of three options--becoming a workaholic, an absolute nerd, or a party animal. 

“Likely, you’ll need extra time even after you recover from the physical rest after your delivery. For one, bonding with your daughter is really important in the early days, but also...frankly, your body’s going to be freaking out a bit,” Nell shrugged. “You’ve just spent nine months getting used to something, and now it’s completely different. Hormone changes and your body just...adjusting to no longer having to support and grow another life? It’ll take some getting used to. And that’s just the physical side of things.”

Giving him a slightly sympathetic look, Nell shrugged. “The unfortunate truth, is that it can vary wildly from person to person. Some people feel ready to take on the world again in a month. Others need quite a bit more time to ease themselves back into things. My personal advice? Would be to take things day by day, and don’t get discouraged if things you find easy one day seem undoable the next. It’s annoying for making plans, but you’ve been and are going through a lot. Healing takes time.”

Shuichi nodded uneasily at that. Dr. Tenchi had basically said the same thing, and while it sucked, well… so his hormones and body was going to be out of control? Great, what else was new. What he was really worried about was, “Do you know if my skin is just gonna layer, or…??” Shuichi asked, looking down at his stomach in open concern, brow furrowed, “Like, does it go back to normal?? Or am I tucking my skin into my pants from now on? What is happening there?”

Nell couldn’t help but smile a little at the purely mechanical question. “No, it’s not going to layer--you’re not just going to have a bunch of empty space in your abdomen. During your recovery period, one of the more important parts of it is that all your organs that have been squished out of the way to make room for your daughter are going to settle back into space. Skin is incredibly elastic--without the strain, it’s going to slowly tighten up on itself, so while you might feel, for lack of a better term, droopy for a bit? It’s only until your skin “heals” and conforms to your new, baby-less body shape. You’ll have stretch marks, and likely a scar from the surgery but, like...so does everyone. No one has a body that’s just...smooth.”

Shuichi ndded, idly rubbing his stomach. He didn’t want to be beautiful, or handsome, or, frankly, Kaito or Kokichi level of attractive. That wasn’t what he was worried about. He just… just didn’t want to feel clownishly unattractive. He didn’t want to look down at himself all the time and feel… freakish or even just wanting to laugh at himself. In the mean, cruel, school bully way. 

Ha ha ha.

Look at what you did.

Forever and ever and ever and…

“Thanks.” Shuichi said, sighing, running a hand over his face. “...I guess I’m awake. Um…” he blushed, “Would you mind looking away while I get out of bed? I’m just wearing a shirt and… sorry. I just want to go take a shower.”

Nell just raised an amused eyebrow, but she shifted to turn away from the majority of the room. “It’s your room--I’m the one intruding. Do your routine. I’ll be focused on Kokichi...turned away, for your peace of mind.”

Shuichi smiled, bowing his head again. “Thank you.”

-

Temp was asking around the castle… trying to find a short, stern faced man who he, apparently, was about to have a very serious, and likely awkward, conversation with. 

After asking a very pink, small, oddly skittish woman for directions, he found himself heading towards the back of the castle, following a twisting hallway that he had been pointed towards and, discovering two oddly large, well decorated doors, he pushed one open and peeked inside and…

...huh. 

He had no idea the castle had an auditorium.

It was massive, too. A proper performance/presentation room, with seats not only rising all the way to the back where Temp had entered from, the auditorium itself clearly digging into the basement level, but seats lining the walls as well, rising up as high as the second floor. The stage was lined with a deep, deep red curtain, and on it, sweeping, was a small man in a baseball cap, whistling to himself.

The acoustics were great, really.

“Uh, excuse me!’ Temp called down to the man, making his way down the aisle, “My name is Temp Lar. Are you perhaps Ikou Kauzaki?”

Ikuo looked up from his sweeping, honestly a little surprised to see someone else in the auditorium. Way back in the day, it was the main performance hub in the city, but with a dedicated theater, it didn’t find all that much use. Sometimes schools wanting a bit more pizazz for a play or concert--though usually they did schedule concerts with the theater--sometimes mass city meetings, sometimes more private performances, but everything tended to be clear and scheduled beforehand. 

Pausing in his sweeping, Ikuo gave the man a nod. “That I am.” He seemed to consider something for a moment before recognition came into shadowed eyes. “Temp. Yer Kokichi’s friend, ain’t’cha?”

Normally, Ikuo would assume Temp would be looking for Kokichi, but...there was no related reason for that that Temp would come into the auditorium. It was pretty out of the way, if you were coming into the castle normally. And given that he addressed him by name…

Putting down his broom, Ikuo hopped off the stage, meeting Temp halfway in the main aisle. “What can I do ya fer, Temp’Lar?”

Temp sighed, giving the man a smile, a little… nervous was the wrong word. He just understood the weight of failure, if he did this wrong. Alter Ego-- after a very interesting little trade-- had explained that in all likelihood, none of this would actually surprise the man… but Temp still had to be careful to not…

He didn’t want to ruin Kokichi’s family dynamic by scaring off his surrogate father.

“Please, just call me Temp. A friend of Kokichi and…” Temp considered it, before saying, “Kokichi himself has asked me to speak to you on a matter of some importance. Could we find somewhere private to talk? I’m sorry to be vague, but it is a matter of some seriousness.”

Ikuo looked up at the man with his own brand of stern curiosity, but after a moment he nodded, reaching back up onto the stage to grab his broom and dustpan before reaching into a pocket and bringing out a small notepad. “Sure thing.”

...something that Kokichi asked his friend to talk to him about? But that he wouldn’t want to talk to Ikuo about himself? He...really had no idea what that could be. Ikuo knew there was plenty about his son’s life that he didn’t know, but a person was entitled to their own privacy. Other than that? He and Kokichi tended to be quite open with each other. 

Leaning the broom quite obviously against the stage, Ikuo left a note explaining where he’d gone, if anyone came looking, before he led Temp out along the side of the auditorium, opening up a door to an unassuming room, likely meant to be a more private place for the performers to get ready before coming out on stage. It was...partly used for a storage room, but it was comfortable enough. 

“Whas’it about, then?” Ikuo asked, non-accusatory, but to the point.

Temp looked around for a place to sit, didn’t really see any chairs, so just sort of sat on what looked to be leftover props, placing his hands in front of him entwined on his lap, considering how to start…

“Ikou… may I call you Ikou?” Temp asked, finding himself falling into older habits in his concern, dropping his modern day ‘low-key college boy’ persona that he used to hang out with younger people, “I’ve been asked by Kokichi through a mutual friend to have a conversation with you that he himself can’t have yet. And I’ll explain why, but I feel like I need to start by laying my cards on the table.” For the most part.

“I have something called ‘Empathetic Abilities’, and am considered a subspecies of human, and many other creatures, named ‘Empaths’. It’s a type of psychic ability, and it’s something your charge, Kokichi Ouma, shares with me… and I have been led to believe that this is not something that would be wholly surprising to you.” Temp said the last part uneasily, trying to read Ikou’s expressions, and finding almost nothing useful there as he continued, “If it is though, I can understand if this would seem impossible to believe. Please understand this is not a prank, and I am coming to you very sincerely for help.”

If Temp had come to Ikuo, asking about the weird shit Kokichi did as a kid? Ikuo might’ve told a few stories about weird shit, because kids were weird. But he would’ve entirely stayed away from the kind of weird Temp was actually asking about. 

Laid completely on the table. 

“Mm. Hmmmmm,” he hummed, giving a few nods. “So that’s what it’s called, then? Just thought ‘e was a straigh’ up psychic. Learn somethin’ new ev’ryday.”

Tilting his head slightly at Temp, Ikuo’s voice grew a touch more concerned. “...other than a few things, though, he stopped doin’ real crazy shit once ‘e grew up a li’l. Is ‘e…” Ikuo paused there. Kokichi had a migraine today. And then the few instances of Kaito rushin’ him to the med wing in the middle of the night… 

The man’s frown deepened, though Temp might be able to tell the raw parental worry coming off of Ikuo. “...doc’s said ‘e alright, jus’ needs rest, but...did somethin’ happen last night? Is Kokichi okay?”

“Kokichi, power wise, is actually doing quite well.” Temp quickly explained, his reassurance sincere, as he explained, “He’s very recently been taken on by a more experienced Empath to help him manage his powers, and between the three of us, he’s developing new skills all the time to more easily control them without causing himself more harm. I know his more frequent headaches might seem to contradict that, but he really is making incredible strides, and in the long run, he’s well on his way to this no longer being an issue for him.”

Temp sincerely believed all of that. As important as their work on conditioning was, he knew Alter Ego was just as focused on trying to get it to the point where Kokichi’s powers don’t cause him harm. Unfortunately, they were still in the ‘figure out how they specifically work’ stage, but once they had a handle on it, and could better protect Kokichi’s mind from itself? The goal was for no more physical wear and tear on Kokichi’s body. They’d get there someday.

“The issue we’ve come across, and why I’m talking to you, Ikou, is that the more developed his control of his abilities become? The more…” Temp paused, before realizing he needed to clarify, “Kokichi is, currently, only aware of his abilities when he is asleep. When he’s awake, he has no idea any of this is happening. The goal has always been to clue his waking self in to what’s happening, but unfortunately, while he is starting to remember, it’s happening far more gradually then we expected it to. To the point where we’re becoming concerned Kokichi might go through a period of time where he believes he might be losing his mind, half remembering impossible things.”

“Between that, and the matter of his daughters birth… Kokichi is hoping for more help in the waking world, to manage his memories transition. Unfortunately, his mentor lives far away, and I have limited access to him in the real world, so… it was eventually decided that, at the moment, you were the best person to reach out too, to talk about looking after him during this transition period.” 

Temp paused, realizing he didn’t know where to go from there… before saying, “That’s a lot all at once… I’m sorry if I seem incomprehensible.”

Ikuo had crossed his arms, leaning back on a near wall and nodding every now and then to indicate his understanding. With Temp quickly assuring him that Kokichi was alright, his worry receded enough for him to try and understand the, frankly, ridiculous situation. 

He remained quiet for another moment after Temp seemed to finish before he sighed, lowering the brim of his cap. “Ain’t that one helluva shitstorm fer Bunny… Can’t blame ‘em fer gettin’ stressed, if he’s essentially livin’ two lives. If you ain’t told him yet, I’m guessin’ we’re waitin’ fer him ta remember more before sayin’ anything directly. But…’course I’d look after him. ‘E’s my boy.”

Ikuo tapped his arm for a moment before looking back up. “...talkin’ ‘bout Miya… Is she gon’ be like him?”

Ah. This was maybe the more dangerous part.

“...Sir, before I go on, I need to stress before anything that Miyako is, in every way that matters, a perfectly normal child.” Temp said, giving the older man a gentle, reassuring smile, “And, again, to lay my cards on the table? I am adopting a child next month that is in the exact same situation as her. It’s not actually all that unusual, but it is unheard of around these parts, and Kokichi wants to be more prepared for her situation than his waking self can reasonably be right now. So, again, to assist him, we’re asking you to be aware before he has a chance to remember.”

Then Temp, carefully, went on to explain the Flora situation.

He did it in roughly the same way he had for Kokichi, with the addition of explaining some of the basics that Kokichi had already been aware of. Because of Shuichi’s spore situation, he will give birth to a Flora, which is a plant species. The plants are a hivemind that, unfortunately, are being led by an, essentially, evil queen. To keep Miyako independent from the hive mind, measures will have to be taken to disconnect the link. Kokichi intends to ask some local Flora who have disconnected themselves for help, but isn’t waking up fast enough to do so in time for the birth.

“All that said, on top of being part of the hive mind, she may also end up an empath as well, and if she developes as young as Kokichi did? She’ll be an empath basically right away.” And a powerful one at that, if Alter Ego’s explanation of the possession memories were half as accurate as he said, “So, all the issues you faced with Kokichi as an infant, empath ability wise? Possession, mind reading, that sort of thing? Kokichi may find himself facing the same issues with Miyako… though, on the plus side! Flora children are, as a rule, born incredibly healthy. So if there was any concern that his physical conditions had any connection to his powers? One, no. But two, even if they had, her Flora genetics negated it. Miyako will be healthy and strong and potentially very psychic.”

Ikuo had never knowingly met a Flora himself, but he had heard stories about them. Varied stories. Gentle people who had housed and shielded folks from horrible situations, a people ravaged by fires, a people who used their numbers to claim land under the ideas of ‘submit or die’. 

But...for Miyako?

“Don’t matter too much if she’s ‘normal’,” Ikuo hummed, still just...taking in the situation. “She’s family, so she’ll be ours. Does help ta know what to expect, though…”

Ikuo frowned a little deeper. “...gotta hope she don’t develop an affinity fer bugs. Summonin’ a swarm ‘a li’l critters I think might send Bunny fer the hills. Mmm… Anythin’ we can do ‘bout...the possession, ‘sspose. Can be helpful fer makin’ needs known, but if she’s Bunny’s daughter, she’s gon’ absolutely ruin ‘er meals tryin’ ta sneak in dessert.”

...Temp, and Kokichi’s mentor had decided to come to him. Not Kaito or Shuuichi, despite their daughter being on the same wavelength. 

“...Kokichi’s waitin’ ta tell Shuu-chi an’ Kaito?”

Temp nodded, having expected this question, “We actually already have an agreement to explain the situation to Shuichi made with Shuichi. We spoke to him in his mind about it, though he won’t recall it now. However, in concern for his pregnancy, we decided it’d be wise to wait until after the birth so that both him and Miyako were in the clear before putting that level of stress on him.”

As for Kaito… “... I’m actually not… entirely certain why Kaito is not being brought into the loop as well.” Temp admitted, shrugging a little, “The impression I’ve gotten is Kokichi is hoping to be able to explain it to Kaito himself. I think there’s some fears that Kaito may not handle the information well. Perhaps a mixture of Kaito’s emotional issues and Luminary’s supersitions, though that’s just conjecture on my part. I just know that no plan has been made to bring Kaito up to speed until Kokichi himself remembers.”

“Oh, and while regular desserts are still largely bad for her, plain sugar is actually somewhat essential to a Flora diet. Many Flora and seedlings actually drink straight up sugar water for health reasons. The flora Kokichi hopes to ask, Thalia--” well, Ikou was going to find out eventually, “--will have more information about it, but adding sugar water to Miyako’s diet will apparently help digestion issues for all other types of food.”

That was reasonable, and if it was an agreement made with Shuuichi himself, then Ikuo would respect that. It might be a little shocking, to suddenly be thrown into it all without the buffer of Miya not being born yet, but...depending on how long Kokichi was still struggling to remember, that might be the situation they all would be in. 

Ikuo could...really see why they had decided to tell him. 

Humming lowly at Temp’s uncertainty about when Kaito would be told… It might take convincing, but...Ikuo knew Kaito to be a man fiercely devoted to his family. Even discovering that his husband and daughter were different species wouldn’t shake that devotion, in Ikuo’s position. Though, he could see Kokichi’s temptation to want to tell Kaito himself. It was just...that time might make it difficult. 

Ikuo let out a slightly less impressed hum at the fact that Flora needed more sugar in their diets, though. “Still ain’t gon’ be cause for grabbin’ at the folks in the kitchen ta make a sundae, but alrigh’. It’ll be somethin’ ta keep an eye on, once she starts eatin’ more than formula.” 

Temp gave a little sigh, “Honestly, you’re handling this remarkably well. Kokichi’s mentor said you’d likely be familiar with all of this, but I was concerned he was overestimating the strength of certain childhood memories from Kokichi of you.”

Ikuo shrugged a little. “Magic folk ain’t much diff’rent from non-magic folk. Have their own needs an’ quirks jus’ like anyone. If you bother ta ask, there are plenty of ‘em around, jus’ livin’ their lives like anyone. Gettin’ a name fer what Kokichi’s got goin’ on, and knowin’ that his daughter’s gon’ follow with a bit extra ain’t world-shakin’.”

“Fer some, at least,” Ikuo generously amended. “Bunny never did seem like he believed me when I told ‘im ‘bout magic folk.”

“I think right up until a magical cat started talking to him, your charge was a bit of a healthy skeptic.” Temp observed, not adding in that talking to an actual God about your dragon reincarnated friend in someone else’s mind probably opened up his world view a little bit, if not necessarily his core belief system. 

Kokichi had never talked about his skepticism to Templar, but Kokichi was far from the first non-believer Temp had ever seen become aware of the reality of gods and re-think it to adjust to their own world view. The main argument usually boiled down to ‘So-called Gods’. Which… was fair, honestly. Knowing what the beings called ‘Gods’ actually were took a lot of the mystic away. ‘Worship’ became more ‘work for’, for one. 

Faith was for people who didn’t have to figure out specific trade agreements with their god. What Templar had was an Understanding. 

“I won’t tell you how to proceed from here, but reminding Kokichi of your stories of magical beings might help with his memory transition. At the very least, it might not be as jarring for his waking self, since magic was on his mind anyway.” Temp offered, shrugging, “Otherwise, I really don’t know how you should proceed from here. We just felt it was important someone know. Though, of course, I wouldn’t tell you all of this without offering any help I can possibly offer.” And that Alter Ego had already paid for.

Ikuo huffed a fond chuckle. That sounded about right for Kokichi. His son had a vivid imagination and a hungry curiosity about the world, but...he had never really taken the superstitious seriously. Kokichi had always listened respectfully when they visited temples, but...Ikuo could tell that none of it had really resonated with him, and when Kokichi asked people about their religion, he was more idly curious about the logistics, almost to an uncomfortable degree when, for most people, the answer came down to pure faith. 

At least the kid had never been scared of ghosts or monsters of the night. Instead Ikuo had just had to reassure his kid that he wasn’t going to get pulled through the tub drain. And his intense loneliness. 

Ikuo sighed softly. 

“...I haven’t always been there fer Kokichi. But there’s nothin’ I want more now. I’ll talk to ‘im, keep an eye on ‘im.” Ikuo nodded, affirming his own plans. “I’ll let’cha know if somethin’ comes up, but all I can think ‘a now is...lemme know when yer gon’ talk ta Shuuichi ‘bout all this. I’ll be willin’ ta help explain, an’ keep an eye on ‘im too, as he’s takin’ it in.”

“Agreed.”

-

Tim, after drinking his painkiller, eating breakfast, and going ‘I can really skip school today?’ spent most of the morning sleeping in, icepacks nestled beneath his knees. Chase, awake, had whined for walks, and Kaito, ignoring his own knees, had obliged the poor pup, taking her out, letting her do her business and get some fresh air, before coming back up.

Looking after Tim, Kato found himself with not too much to do… so he started working on the draft for the letter he was planning to send around. 

Ya know.

Everywhere.

It took a few drafts, and Kaito would have to double check all the dates and stuff were correct, but by the time Tim got up for lunch, Kaito felt like he had the version that would be ready to be printed en mass. Now he’d just have to find a printing press, work out how much it would cost to get it printed, uhhhh… Kaito had no idea. Many times. 

He’d… talk to the archives/ And call the Luminary secretaries. They’d have addresses and contacts Kaito could use. If he asked Kaede and Sonia’s help, he might even be able to get Novoselic’s and Luminaries castle administrations to help send out the letters in their respective countries. He didn’t have any direct contracts in Kimigashine, but he’s get into contact with their royal family and ask for their administrators assistance as well. 

And he’d just… keep going with that until there was nothing more he could.

But, for Dicea, at least, he should probably expect to mail out the letters all himself. Okay. It’d be a busy couple of days probably.

But. That wasn’t today. Today was a Tim day, and after lunch, he and the kid spent some time playing games, board games Kaito never even knew Timothy had. The kid just kept devastating him at this game called Jump Chess. Kaito couldn’t quite get his head around the rules, and halfway through, was faaaairly certain the kid was changing them every time he asked for clarification.

When he made this accusation, Tim just laughed, and his face looked actually young for a moment, and Kaito decided he didn’t mind.

-

Kokichi spent the rest of the day more or less in and out of sleep, and while he had wanted to get back to figuring out his abilities--and how to prevent himself from using them unconsciously--after a night of rest...Kokichi took a few more nights. He had just been so...constantly exhausted with his mood going weird places that...he asked for a few more nights, and Alter Ego had obliged. 

So...it really did end up just being a good few days of recovery. Kokichi got steadier and stronger by the day, able to do more in nearly every physical therapy session Kaito helped him out with, and while stairs remained a little too difficult...on flat ground, Kokichi found that he could walk around without issue. 

With his mobility slowly returning...the three of them had had a talk. And decided to try and go in for another counseling session, though none of them knew if it was going to be a one-off. But thankfully Dr. Mariah had a timeslot open, so...that’s where they were headed!

And...just in case, they brought Kokichi’s chair still. 

“You sure you don’t want to sit in the chair, Shuichi?”

“No.”

“It’s super comfy! We could put Kokichi in your lap and we could see how far I could run us!”

“No.”

“Fine… can IIIIII ride in the chair and you push-”

“No.”

“I think if we stop to consider cool ideas we’re gonna be late,” Kokichi sighed, looking at the end of the block anxiously. They hadn’t set out late, but...their pace was slower. Even back on his feet, Kokichi couldn’t walk quickly. And...yeah, he knew that they’d never really put the hustle in, ‘cause Shuuichi would simply refuse, but...he was nervous, alright? It had been a whole month since their last session and...that made him anxious.

It wasn’t his fault for getting a heart attack. And he hadn’t been avoiding difficult conversations with his partners. In fact, he thought they had navigated some difficult subjects really well! But...he still felt like he’d be left floundering to talk about...anything that happened in the last month. 

The last couple days had been better, especially after that particularly horrible day, but...Kokichi was feeling like his head was getting foggier. Like he just couldn’t...focus as much, or that he was missing something. Ikuo had reassured him that he was likely just working something out, and it’d make sense in time, but...it still left him feeling perpetually off-balance. 

But, at least, not physically anymore. 

Taking a deep breath, Kokichi trotted forward a little, opening and holding the door to Dr. Mariah’s office for his partners proudly.

Shuichi just smiled warmly, nodding his head in thanks as he headed in, though Kaito’s eyes lit up and, with a wide, beaming grin, he tucked the chair under his arm and literally clapped as he went , “Eeeeee. Look at you go! Thanks babe!”

Dr. Mariah looked up from her small journal, already reading over the notes as they headed in, “Welcome, boys. It’s been a minute. Kaito, please put your package down over in the corner there. Shuichi, Kokichi, please make yourself comfortable. Would either of you like some tea?”

“None for me, thank you…” Shuichi suddenly hesitated, “...do you still have that white tea?”

“I do.” Dr. Mariah nodded. “Would you like some tea if it’s that tea specifically?”

Shuichi smiled sheepishly as he sat down on the single chair, “...yes, please.”

Kokichi beamed, bolstered by Kaito’s applause and he made an easy way over to the couch once they all got inside. ...and...he was a little thankful for it. His legs weren’t hurting yet, but...it still felt nice to get off his feet. “Hi, Dr. Mariah! Ah… I’d like some tea, thank you.”

...again! Not tired out! But a drink would be nice… And it would be tea that wasn’t his medicine. 

“It’s nice to see you again--thank you for seeing us somewhat sporadically like this.” ...and here it came. Holding his hands in his lap, Kokichi gave the therapist a somewhat sheepish grin. “I, uh… You might be able to imagine, I don’t really...I didn’t bring any dedicated materials for ‘homework’. Things have been...busy.”

“Tsk. Naughty.” Dr. Mariah chastised, having guessed that Shuichi, at least, would want tea and having already brewed it, putting out the cups and passing Shuichi and Kokichi both a cup, puring an additional one and, when Kaito refused it, taking it for herself, settling in. “But, we will prevail regardless. Let’s see… Shuichi. We’ll ask for one anecdote each. Did you have any problems you sought your partners advice for?”

Shuichi sighed, “Seriously? After everything that’s happened, you’re still going to ask that?”

Dr. Mriah trained her red eyes on him, and said seriously, “If you can’t think of a single moment? After ‘all of this’? Then it’s probably a more serious communication issue than you all are aware of.”

Shuichi narrowed his eyes at that… before sipping at his tea. Giving himself a moment.

“...I looked to Kaito’s lead for how to handle Kokichi’s care for most of the last month.” Shuichi finally settled on, not looking up at her, knowing this wasn’t… exactly what she was asking for. “And, he didn’t give me the advise in the last month, but I eventually took Kokichi’s advise to talk to my school about doing my work off campus.”

Dr. Mariah gave Shuichi a clearly unimpressed look, before moving onto Kokichi. “Kokichi? Same question. It’s been a month, and a great deal has occurred. Did you go to your partners for help on what to do?”

“There’s been...a lot,” Kokichi sighed. “I’m very grateful for everything Kai-chan and Shuu-chan have done for me while I’ve been recovering. In particular, Kai-chan’s been helping me with my physical therapy and…” Kokichi grinned a bit at his husband, “He has excellent advice for it. It would’ve been far harder for me to get to the point I am without him helping me.”

“We worked together in making plans for Shuu-chan’s birthday, and for some of the...more social parts of welcoming the exchange students to Dicea. And...uh…” 

Kokichi had told Kaito that he and Shuuichi talked about it, but...not that in depth. And Kokichi...still didn’t really want to talk about it. But it was something that had given him a lot of comfort. 

“I’ve had some...down days, in the past month,” Kokichi started, looking to the side, though his eyes kept glancing over to Shuuichi with a soft gratitude in them. “There was one...Shuu-chan really helped me out on. I was feeling...really down on myself and...being there to listen and to talk me out of the dumb shit my brain was saying… I dunno if it’s advice in the most traditional sense, but I really value it.”

“Considering the sort of month you’ve had? I’ll accept it.” Dr. Mariah said, watching the warmth return to Shuichi’s gaze as he looked over to Kokichi, while Kaito’s eyes went downcast, fussing with his knuckles a bit. “Kaito?”

“Um… sorry, can I have a moment to think? I knew this was coming, and I know I have to have one for Shuichi…”

“You don’t, actually, ‘have’ to have one. You should. But for personal reasons, not therapy ones. This isn’t a test.” She said, looking to the other two as well, “You’re not going to ‘fail’. You’ll be more aware, at best, that you’re not utilizing your resources with each other. That you’re keeping important problems to yourself. That maybe you need to take serious looks at what you actually trust your partners with and what you don’t, and if not, why. After a month like you’ve had, if you can’t think of a moment where you went to Shuichi for help? For advise? That’s something you should acknowledge and analyze, Kaito.”

Kaito winced, but nodded. Passing Shuichi a shame-faced look, he murmured, “Sorry, Shuichi…”

Shuichi frowned at that, before shaking his head, “Don’t be. It’s been a long month. Watch, we’ll leave this room an hour and a half from now and on our way out, that’s when you’ll remember something.”

Kaito laughed a little at that, still looking a little guilty as he nodded.

“What about with Kokichi?” Dr. Mariah prompted.

Kaito frowned, thinking about it. “...we talked idly about a lot of things. Mostly the kids. Maki’s siblings, Timothy, being a parent to Miyako… but for, like… specific advice?” Kaito popped his joints. “...I asked Kokichi what I should do about Cedar.”

Dr. Mariah hummed. “...did you take the advice?”

Kaito frowned… before shaking his head, though inexplicably followed that up immediately with. “Yes? Sort of… I already had an idea in my head of what I wanted to do. I was more looking for permission, I guess. He said I could do whatever made me feel better.”

“Interesting.” Dr. Mariah said, tapping her finger to her journal cover, “Very interesting…”

It was...difficult. Of course Kokichi valued the ideas his partners had, but...a lot of the time in day to day life, it was hard to actually solicit that advice. More often than not, you just ended up talking about things, and people piped up with their ideas. If you utilized those ideas, Kokichi supposed it was the same as taking advice… 

He got--and even requested--help from his partners all the time! It was just...hard to quantify that sometimes. So...it probably warranted more mindfulness. 

At the mention of Cedar, though Kokichi figured she would come up at some point this session, Kokichi’s expression got...noticeably tired, though he offered Kaito a small smile. “I did think it was a good idea…”

Kaito smiled with a wary little shrug back. It was a slow idea. He was working on it, had made a few calls, had a few more calls set up. His shrine was just… covered in envelopes now. His offering table holding a massive binder of addresses he had gotten from the archive. A list of every newspaper in the country. He worked on it a little every day, taking a few hours to ‘pray’ now that Kokichi was a little more stable, sending out the mail every day. He had a shit ton of papercuts, and he knew some of the envelopes were superfluous in Dicea, knew that Kokichi’s heart attack had been big news already.

He just wanted to make certain all these newspapers had a copy of Cedar’s portrait, as well. Hoped that the additional information might be news worthy again. Hoped that his stupid little revenge would result in… something, he guessed. Some consequence he had to take on faith would actually happen.

At least he was doing something this time.

“Kokichi, in his defense, took my advice plenty, before this month.” Kaito said suddenly, a guilty, frustrated look on his face. “I told him to pursue the Cedar thing. I, uh… really pushed for it.”

Dr. Mariah hummed again… “What happened this month?”

Shuichi’s eyes widened at that. Before narrowing, “You know what happened.”

“You don’t know that.” Dr. Mariah told him simply. “From your perspectives. What have I missed? Catch me up.”

Kokichi gave Kaito a soft look, but was quickly startled by Dr. Mariah’s question. This wasn’t quite a game, but...she was trying to get at something. ...maybe there was a disconnect in how they all saw the situation?

Sighing softly, Kokichi figured he’d start. “I had a heart attack. A really bad one… Thankfully, my bodyguard was with me and she brought me to my regular doctor, who managed to stabilize me in time… However, I was in a coma for about a week, and after I woke up I had minor neurological damage that...well, basically, I’ve had a much harder time regaining movement and strength in my body.”

“While I’ve been in recovery, we celebrated Shuu-chan’s birthday, the...the war in Luminary ended, the exchange students arrived, we celebrated Hanami and...we’ve had a lot of smaller moments together,” Kokichi murmured, his gaze warm as he looked between his partners. “Life, as it goes.”

Dr. Marah nodded her head slightly, glancing at the two two briefly, before echoing back softly, “Life as it...goes. I see. It sounds like it was quite the event in your life, Kokichi. Well, not from how you tell it… is this common? An event like this?”

“It’s not common, but… I mean, I’ve had heart attacks before,” Kokichi softly sighed. Knowing just...how awful it was to say that. “I had one last year, actually, when we all had barely known each other. Thankfully that one was much easier to recover from.”

Glancing down...it was getting easier and easier to talk about this, with the more people he told. But...Kokichi had a feeling there would always be that sort of fear in him, towards telling people the reality of his health issues. 

“The rumors in town blow some of it out of proportion, but...I do have some serious health problems. Sometimes, usually the most severe of them means a heart attack. Sometimes I can’t breathe well, and sometimes I get nosebleeds that make me pass out… Sometimes I just faint, ‘cause my blood is too thin…” Kokichi sighed, his fists curled in his lap, but his back straight. “It can be...really scary. But it’s a part of my life.”

“Of course.” Dr. Mariah agreed gently, “Serious health issues are some of the most terrifying things a person can go through. Being raised with them, while I can’t empathise with it, I can sympathetically say sounds terrifying. Medicine is an ever developing science, so hope is never truly lost, but in a way, I imagine that can make things harder. How does one accept the reality of a bad situation when that reality can change day to day?”

“On that note,” She turned her gaze to Katio, “You mentioned a ‘Cedar’. Who is that?”

Kaito looked at Kokichi uncertainly, before saying slowly, like he was reading allowed some script in his head, “She was Kokichi’s… second doctor? Uh… physical therapist?”

“She was a witch doctor who claimed she could cure Kokichi’s heart problems with yoga.” Shuichi said, a dark, frustrated look on his face. “And everyone just let her.”

Kaito winced. “Shuichi, that’s not… that’s simplifying it.”

“You’re right. Let me clarify.” Shuichi said coldly. “Cedar was a ‘doctor’ who claimed to have cured people with Kokichi’s heart problems with a solid bout of yoga before. Despite how stupid that sounds, the castle administration did a background check on her and said she was everything she claimed to be. So she set up a schedule for ‘curing’ him, and despite knowing the whole time how bullshit it all was, his chickenshit primary doctor still signed off on all of it with barely a word against it. Than, his bodyguard, who we were trusting to escort him to all of these sessions and make sure everything was on the up and up, decided for shits and giggles to do nothing when Dr. Cedar started having Kokichi perform things that weren’t on the signed off schedule. Kokichi, in turn, got sicker and sicker and sicker, but someone,” he said, shooting a glance at Kaito, who was staring at the ground, “kept guilt-tripping him into trying to make it one more session, a little longer, gotta put the work in if you wanna make it to eighty, Kokichi.”

“Five minutes.” Dr. Mariah said, pointing to the clock on the wall. “Five minutes of silence. We’ll start again. Drink your tea.”

...Kokichi had kind of...accepted that his overall health wasn’t going to improve. Or...no, that wasn’t right. The things he’d been doing, working out and eating better and keeping a consistent sleep schedule, were helping. But the reality of his heart and lungs? That was just...something Kokichi had accepted. 

...or so he thought, until Cedar. 

Kokichi...deflated as Shuuichi aired his own frustrations about the whole situation, just...feeling his heart sink in his chest and… He wanted to defend Seiko and Nazumi. Seiko...had said the entire time that none of the treatments had any health benefits, to her knowledge. She regularly put limitations and restrictions on the plans Cedar proposed. And Seiko...had saved his life, when things went wrong. 

And Nazumi had made sure Cedar stuck to all the changes Seiko wrote down. Had always tried out the weird things Cedar did first to absolutely make sure firsthand that they weren’t going to hurt Kokichi. 

It was just...Cedar added extra stuff… Subtle things that added up over time. Pressured Kokichi into agreeing to things he was unsure about. She had been charged with reckless endangerment of a patient… Though...sometimes it felt more purposeful than reckless, looking back.

By the time Shuuichi finished, and Dr. Mariah stopped them for a time out… Kokichi was pretty damn small in his seat, just...holding his tea, before taking a small, half-hearted sip.

Kaito was just looking at nothing. Playing with his hands, sure, but that was a near constant for him. He looked… unsurprised. If still deeply hurt. This was not the first time he had heard this from Shuichi, and…

...well… we’ll what? What could he do? Next time he… he wouldn’t push so hard next time and… maybe he’d stop saying things he didn’t know anything about. He didn’t know if Cedar was a good doctor or not, or how to help Kokichi, he… he didn’t know much about anything really… he’d send the letters out and maybe that’d be something… physical therapy was going well… that was something…

… he had… he had just wanted to help…

… he wasn’t ready to… to say Kokichi was… that there was nothing they could do, he…

...he didn’t know… don’t ask him…

Dr. Mariah watched the mildly devastated looks on Kokichi and Kaito’s face, and the fury still on Shuichi’s. She sipped her tea and watched the time.

When the five minutes were up, she said, “So, Shuichi? You seem pretty frustrated with Kokichi’s heart attack. Do you blame…” she paused, “Mindreading. Who do you think is to blame for it?”

Shuichi scowled, “...Cedar, obviously. She took advantage of a bunch of painfully stupid people and abused Kokichi for literally no reason.” Shuichi grit his teeth, lowering his cap as he said, “That’s what I can’t fucking get over… I told myself… I told myself she had to be legitimate, because what did she stand to gain? Best case scenario? What did she stand to gain? And what even was the best case scenario? That her bullshit remedies accidently led to positive results? It’s literal insanity. She’s actually insane. She should be locked up in some asylum for her own damn good, if that was her plan… it was so pointless. Why do people keeping doing things like this to us for such fucking pointless reasons?”

“Things like what?” Dr. Mariah asked.

“Trying to help us! Or, ‘help us’.” Shuichi said, putting quotation marks around the words, “For… for fun! That’s all I can see it as! People keep hurting us for fun, and saying it’s to help! And we… there’s nothing we can do about it! It just keeps happening!”

“Shuichi, handsome, please don’t yell, it’s just gonna-”

“Stop giving advice! No one goes to you for advice because your advice is awful!”

Kaito frowned… before saying, “...wanna…” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, not sounding confident as he said, “Wanna try again?”

Shuichi gripped his hands into fists… before standing up. “I need five minutes again. I’ll be back.” before walking out the door, it closing behind him.

Dr. Mariah watched him go, before saying, “I’m guessing you all haven't talked about this on your own yet.”

“We have, or, he and I have…” Kaito muttered, “It ended about the same way.”

Kokichi sighed again, just...feeling awful in the face of Shuuichi’s, honestly, justified anger. Because while people hadn’t been careless...there was a bit of blame in all of them, in a way, if you discounted Cedar, who was the root of all the blame. 

“We...talked about it a little…” Kokichi murmured. “But mostly...focusing on Cedar and...not others.”

“...it’s hard to accept that sometimes...bad things just happen. There’s no purpose or reason behind it. It makes you feel helpless, and alone in the world… Sometimes you just...end up surviving, and it doesn’t feel like a victory. It just...is…” Kokichi’s gaze was somewhere far away, low and glum. 

“A world without reason...feels really bad.”

“...your advice isn’t bad, Kai-chan,” Kokichi murmured, looking over at Kaito. “We just got unlucky this time.”

“You’ve been mostly quiet, Kaito, though I’ll admit we haven't talked for very long yet.” Dr. Mariah observed, looking to Kaito, who didn’t seem to see Kokichi’s gaze, absorbed in the floor. “What do you think of all of this?”

Kaito seemed to hesitate, uncertain what to add. “Um… I mean, Kokichi said it well-”

“I’m not asking what Kokichi said. Kokichi already said it.” Dr. Mariah said simply.

“Right… you have to understand, Shuichi… he’s got maybe more reasons to be frustrated than-”

“I already know how Shuichi feels.” Dr. Mariah interrupted, “Try again.”

Kaito closed his mouth. “...um…”

Dr. Mariah watched him just… shut down. Clearly uncertain, or unwilling, to say anything. As if he had no thoughts on it at all. Which was unlikely in this circumstances. So… “Are you afraid to say how you feel about it?”

Kaito blinked. “...no.”

“Are you embarrassed?”

“No, I… I don’t really know what else there is to say. It’s…” Kaito squeezed the joints in his hands, “...it’s kinda… normal for us. That’s what I’m trying to say. What Shuichi and Kokichi are both trying to express, I think… that this does kinda just keep happening to us and… people do keep just kind of hurting us for fun. And then they leave, and we’re sort of left to pick up the pieces and… nothing ever feels really resolved. We just kinda… survive and move on. It’s honestly almost not even worth talking about. We… just make ourselves sad reliving it, and nothing gets better anyway.”

“I think all of your reactions to talking about what was, at least for two out of three of you, the most important thing that happened this month, suggests that this was something that you all would have benefited talking about before. Expressing your feelings to each other might not have solved any problems, but it would have at least stopped those feelings from building up inside of all of you until it started damaging you psychologically.” Dr. Mariah said, glancing at the door as it opened and saying, “Welcome back.”

“...sorry.” Shuichi murmured, sitting back down. “Sorry, I… I didn’t mean to say all that. I’m sorry.”

...Kokichi frowned a bit. A feeling he didn’t like in his chest, but… It was Kaito’s choice to bring up, in the first place. It didn’t...feel right to bring up himself. And...really, in five minutes, Kokichi wasn’t sure he even wanted to bring up his part either. It was better to take a moment and calm down. 

Sighing, Kokichi looked over as Shuuichi rejoined them. “...it’s okay. Or...apology accepted? I’m glad that Shuu-chan took the time he needed. It’s… It’s okay if you’re mad at us...at Aunty and Seiko…”

Kokichi held his teacup close to himself. “...I’m not really sure what I want to say...so. Were there things you wanted to say instead?”

“I’m not mad,” Shuichi lied to himself, “I’m just… frustrated. I just want to yell at everyone, and next time, I want them to be better, and… and I know feeling like this isn’t really going to help anyone or anything. We went through all the safety procedures, we did our due diligence, and we still got taken advantage of. I just… wish I didn’t feel so helpless.”

“We always make it through okay.” Kaito murmured… before groaning, putting his head into his hands, “This sucks. Is it meant to feel like this? Why are we talking about this if there’s nothing to solve?”

“Because there is something to solve.” Dr. Mariah said, “Your feelings on it. And this is a relationship communication therapy. If you all can’t express those feelings to each other, then that’s something we have to work on.”

“Do we have to do it right now?” Shuichi sighed, “It’s… sort of fresh for us. Maybe we can give it time to not… be so fresh, I suppose is what I’m ultimately trying to say.”

“Time will help the communication?” Dr. Mariah asked.

“...yes.” Shuichi affirmed warily.

“I see.” Dr. Mariah said simply, before looking to the group as a whole, “Alright then. What do we feel ready to talk about then?”

...silence.

That was the crux of it, Kokichi supposed. Helplessness felt bad, and they all wanted to not feel that badness. But...there was nothing to do about it. They could keep being diligent about where they placed their trust, but...some things would always be out of their control. And acknowledging that just...kind of sucked. 

...but when it came to their communication...there were things left unsaid. 

“...this might be...really unfair,” Kokichi murmured, not looking at any of them. “And...honestly it so is that...I don’t even wanna bring it up. It’s really mindread-y. But...based on history...I have a guess about how...you guys might feel? Or...no. It’s mostly Kai-chan. And...I don’t even know if we should talk about it…”

There was a beat. 

Before Kokichi suddenly growled, straightening his back and raising his face, just...furious with his own timidness. “Actually, fuck that for now. I’m communicating how I feel.”

“I’m hurt! I’m hurt that she hurt me, that someone betrayed my trust, even with a thousand limitations on it! Last year, I would’ve given my trust to anyone who asked, because I really believed that everyone would respect it. And again and again, people have just...stomped all over it! For their own paranoia, or for no fucking reason at all!”

Kokichi’s gaze was fiery, but though he was facing up, he refused to let it sear into any of them. His ire wasn’t for them. “So! So that makes me feel like a failure, because I’m supposed to trust my people, and over and over I’m finding people that don’t deserve it. It makes me angry and disappointed that consideration for others, to cause others no harm isn’t at the forefront of every decision people make.”

“And I know how absurd it is, because that’s just not how people work! And I get too scared to say stuff like that, because I know it’s not how you two work--it’s not even how I work. But if I say stuff like that, then it makes me feel like shit, because it makes you feel like shit that you’re not up to that unrealistic expectation!”

Kokichi huffed softly, but...his emotions weren’t taking over him. His voice was animated, but he wasn’t shouting, he wasn’t heaving words like they were crawling to get out, and...really, his breath was pretty regulated. He wasn’t trembling or teary...he was just angry. 

“I’m hurt, and I hate Cedar for what she did to me...but I believe in the justice she’s seeing. It feels resolved to me. So all I want to do is just...put it all behind me. Recover and move forward.”

“But I know it doesn’t feel that way to either of you, because you’ve both told me,” he stressed, giving Dr. Mariah a look for just a moment, “And...and you’re both actively hurting. Not to recovery yet. But I don’t know how to help it stop hurting, if I should do anything at all other than just being there and listening to you. So I...just…”

Kokichi sighed, letting some of that energy go. “...I just feel guilty for being someone you care about, that got hurt.”

Dr. Mariah was… honestly smirking the whole speech.

Not because she felt like she had accomplished anything. She certainly hadn’t led Kokichi here, or tricked him into opening up. It was always just… really satisfying seeing someone realize something about themselves, usually in real time, and finally find the way to express it to others. A cathartic moment of self-realization where, even if the truth hurt, or was shitty, at least it was finally said. 

And it was just… Mm. Delicious.

She almost didn’t want to say anything to ruin the moment, but… Kaito and Shuichi didn’t seem to know where to begin. She could taste guilt on both of them, uncertainty on Shuichi, and self-doubt on Kaito. Kaito’s self doubt was strong, but that was pretty typical for the man during these sessions. She’d work on that eventually, but for now… “Shuichi?” She said, looking to the ex-detective, who kept opening his mouth like he was going to say something, and then didn’t. “Your partner was just very, very open and honest with you. I hope whatever’s come to mind pays that the respect it deserves.”

Shuichi paused, that uncertainty radiating off of him again… before he said, not glancing at Dr. Mariah, just directly to Kokichi, “... I don’t… want to... “ he paused, looking for the words he really meant to say, and not just how he felt. “... Kokichi, I don’t want you to pretend you’re not feeling guilty and hurt to spare me the anger. But I don’t want to pretend to not be angry to spare you the guilt.” 

“I… want to be someone you can say stuff like this too.” Shuichi continued quietly. “And my first instinct was to feel bad and be like ‘oh no, I’m hurting Kokichi with my anger, so I should… suppress it’, but… I don’t want that for you. And I don’t want to do it either. I don’t want us to pretend like our pain doesn’t affect each other… ngh, I feel like I’m just repeating myself now.” he growled, taking off his hat briefly to shake his hair out, feeling hot beneath it, before putting it back on, “...”

He looked at Kokichi. Really looked at him… and his face softened. “...I’m sorry I make you feel that way. But I’m glad you said something.”

Kokichi finally turned to focus on one of them, giving Shuuichi his full attention and...they really were just kind of a shitty feedback loop into each other, huh. But...it at least felt a little better to be on the first level of it, rather than...leaving each other guessing and making themselves feel bad with assumptions too. 

“...I don’t want you to...not feel your anger,” he softly sighed. “As guilty as I can feel...it’s also really, really nice, knowing that you care about me enough to be angry. Just...that you care about me. Without that care that you and Kai-chan have for me...I never would’ve been able to get through this. I just...wish I could help you resolve it now. But...maybe I can’t. So...I just...want you to have the space to feel your feelings.”

Kokichi offered his boyfriend a small, but genuine and sweet smile. Amid all the pain in this situation...there was a lot of love. And Kokichi had absolutely no qualm with that.

Shuichi sighed, not quite up to smiling, but giving Kokichi a soft look back. “...the fact that there’s this big, earnest part of you that believes people are fundamentally considerate towards each other, to their core, is one of the reasons I like you…” 

...before his face scrunched a bit, as he continued, “It’s certainly not the reason I love you, because it’s also easily one of your most annoying qualities as well. I like it because I think it says far more about you than it does the world around you, and that part of you is very sweet… but it’s annoying thinking I’m letting you down when I don’t see it the same way, and feeling this pressure to try to fit in that world view, knowing before I start that I’m going to fail.”

And, this time, he did smile, as he said gently, “But one of the reasons it’s easy to love you is because you already know I’m going to fail, and you like me anyway. Perhaps it’s selfish to love you because you like me, but knowing how high your expectations for people are, and you like me anyway? It’s weirdly flattering. And you’re always very impressive when you have to handle the difficulties of the world that aren’t in your own head. The difficulties of other people… knowing how truly disappointed in them you are, and watching you handle it anyway, getting over it and moving on right away. It’s an attractive quality in you, and one I honestly admire, Kokichi… it’s just not one I share.” 

“I feel like...” Shuichi paused, sighing, “I feel like usually, not a lot really gets under my skin, though I say that knowing how easily upset I’ve been lately. Still, throughout my life, before all the...body stuff? Most of the time I can move on from things, almost immediately, because I really don’t actually care. Not because I’m forgiving or kind or all that emotionally mature… I just don’t like to get emotionally invested in things. And that usual disconnect is only more obvious when something I do care about goes wrong… I’m just angry. And I need to be angry about it. If I had to pretend I wasn’t, it would mean I have to pretend I didn’t care, and… that feels terrible.”

It...was kind of jarring at times. Shuuichi could be a very detached person, while Kokichi cared...far too much about too much. Considering it could often be the root of Kokichi’s anxiety and control issues, Kokichi found Shuuichi’s ability to just...let go kind of amazing sometimes. But...when his boyfriend did choose to care about things...that care was unimaginably beautiful. 

“My expectations for people…” Kokichi paused for just a second, tugging on his hair a little. “...like...there’s a reason I don’t wish everyone thought like me. Why I would never...want to change people to just...solely share my worldview. As much as I wish for people to live harmoniously...sure, something like that might be a shortcut to it, but...it’s not life. I believe that it can still happen with all the perspectives out there. So...seeing that you’re different than me, even in ways I might disagree with...is something I really love. It means you’re you. That you’re alive.”

(I refuse to change people at their cores. It’ll just take more work to get to an understanding.)

Something...a little confused came over Kokichi’s face for a bit, but...he just tried to...put it to the side for now.

“...I’m really glad you care about me. Please don’t pretend that you don’t.”

“There’s always a temptation to believe, in a relationship, that a certain level of personal martyrdom will save their partners from ever feeling bad about anything, ever.” Dr. Mariah said, leaning against her arm chair, feeling like it was okay now to intrude on this important moment of realization about the different coping methods between the two, and why those methods exist. “Which doesn’t work.” 

“Burying your own pain and personality maybe, at absolute best, stops you from temporarily inconveniencing your partners feelings… but the issue is that because your own reaction to things is the only thing you can really one hundred percent control to make the other person feel better, when things upset your partner anyway? Things outside of your control? Some people have a habit of doubling down on that thought process. You feel bad that you’re unable to ease their suffering, and you’ve made this link in your head already that you can control how they feel about things if you act in the correct pattern of ways… and then you feel worse because, surprise surprise, they’re still upset about the thing that was always outside of your control anyway. So now you’ve buried your pain, feel worse because it didn’t work, and your partner has no idea what’s going on with you at best, or at worse, recognizes what you’re doing and feels worse about expressing their pain.”

Tapping at the chair, the young looking therapist said, “Obviously there are nuances to that issue. We can control our reactions to not make a bad situation worse. To, as we’ve said before, not traumatize others with our own trauma… but it looks like the ‘suppressing pain to not hurt the others’ mentality is ravaging your group. It’s not helpful, and it’s not healthy for any of you… except you, Shuichi. You seem to have an easier time expressing yourself than the other two.”

“I can’t control my emotions right now to save my life.” Shuichi muttered, rubbing his stomach, “It’s ridiculous.”

“There are moments where it can be unkind to your partners, but at the moment, you’re still a good example of expressing yourself without hurting others… at least towards Kokichi.” she said, glancing at Kaito, who still hadn’t said anything, “And based on how you treat Kokichi versus Kaito, and how Kaito’s acting now, I’m starting to think the difference has been trained into you by a lifetime of spending time with this one here. This is not the first time I’ve had to tell you, Kaito… martyrdom in relationships is not helpful.”

Kaito glanced up… before shrugging. 

Kokichi nodded slowly. He had...been prepared for a long time to put the needs of his country before his own. But with his decision to prioritize both his position in leading the country and his family...he couldn’t keep acting like that. He needed to be forthright with his partners, even if it was upsetting and scary. Trying to avoid arguments wasn’t good for them. 

...but seeing Kaito like this, just...shut down… It reminded Kokichi why he had been trying so hard to not get into any arguments. Kaito had been a lot better about speaking up for himself, but...sometimes he would just retreat. Or turn his anger into self-hatred. 

...Kokichi had pussyfooted around saying it. And maybe it really was unfair. But...Kaito wasn’t talking at all, so...there was no way for Kokichi to actually know what was going on in his head. 

Sighing softly, Kokichi turned toward Kaito. Saying bluntly, but without accusation, “...you want to kill her. Right?”

Kaito glanced at Kokichi, a blank, almost startled look on his face…

...something… guilty flashed across his eyes.

He squeezed his hands against each other. Gently massaging his knuckles. He doesn’t say anything, and then something… resigned comes across his face. A sort of bitter self-acceptance.

“...no.” he confessed. “Not really.”

He doesn’t look back at the ground, but he’s not really looking at Kokichi either. He smiles slightly, a joyless thing, as he said not really looking at anything, “I know I should… that’s the funny thing. I feel the way you want me too, finally… and I feel bad about it. Because it’s… so selfish and disrespectful. And… maybe I’ll just always feel bad. And that’s just… that’s just how things are now…” Kaito murmured, massaging his knuckles slowly. Nothing urgent in it. His hands just hurt. “...it… Cedar did something terrible, but, like… she’s just some idiot who lied about being able to help. That’s it. That’s all she is. She’s not some assassin, she wasn’t trying to get rich off us, she wasn’t trying to torture you. She’s just… dumb. Criminally dumb. A criminally dumb idiot who told you hot yoga would solve heart issues, and because you wanted to…”

At this, Kaito hesitated… before shrugging. “...Shuichi’s right. You probably wouldn’t have done any of that if I hadn’t pushed… I’d have easily killed her if you wanted me too. I don’t care about her. I think she makes the world a worse place being in it, and if it had made you feel better, I’d have pushed her off a cliff and not thought much about it. But… I don’t feel much about her at all, now. I just feel like I need to do something cause… you were hurt. I have an obligation to do something…”

“...” Kaito shrugged again, “... sometimes I… nevermind. I’m sorry. I feel bad I don’t hate her more.”

Well...Kokichi was glad his husband wasn’t fighting off murderous impulses, but...this emptiness and...self-hatred from not feeling things wasn’t...great. 

Kokichi’s shoulders dropped. Hearing...a least a few things Kaito didn’t finish. And while it was disrespectful to mindread...Kokichi could affirm his own thoughts. “...I wanted to believe her, so I did. Against how...awful and exhausted I was feeling. I kept telling myself that...sometimes things just got worse before they got better, and the ‘worse’ was just...sticking around for a long time. If I had been more skeptical? If I had thought about it all for longer, putting aside how much I wanted her promises to be true? Then maybe I would’ve stopped before things got so bad.”

“...you were affirming what I was already...sticking my head to, Kai-chan. I can’t say you didn’t have any influence on me, because you do, but...it wasn’t on the back of your decisions that things happened the way they did.”

Kokichi’s brow furrowed a bit as he traced the smooth side of the teacup, thinking about what Kaito said. “...is sending the case story out actually something that’s giving you closure? Or...is it just something you feel like you have to do, because you feel like you have to do something?”

“Umm…” Kaito rubbed the back of his neck, a little confused by the question. “...both? I guess I don’t really see the difference.”

“Kaito, what does the term ‘closure’ mean to you?” Dr. Mariah asked.

Kaito looked startled at the woman, like he had somewhat forgotten she was there, before saying slowly, “... that… the issues been resolved?”

Dr. Mariah considered how to word her next question, feeling like she was being too leading, but… “Would you consider resolving an issue an action that must be taken?”

The Luminary Prince shrugged. “Yes?” He guessed, sounding like he was answering a test question rather than expressing an opinion. That was the main issue, Dr. Marah had realized, with trying to give Kaito therapy. He couldn’t get past this idea that there were ‘right’ answers.

Kokichi felt like...he knew this about Kaito already, but… Damn. It was like having an answer on the tip of your tongue, or like you were missing one piece of a puzzle, and it was the piece that would let you finally see the picture as a whole…

Taking a sip of his tea as he thought, Kokichi chewed on the inside of his cheek before timidly asking, “Does that action, the thing that resolves an issue, have to be something you do? Not for...what’s “right” or what “should” happen. But...for you to feel closure, like you can rest and that you don’t have something hanging over you anymore...do you have to take action?”

Again, Kaito seemed confused. Not because the question didn’t make sense, but because, well… it felt like a question that had a ‘right’ answer, but because the ‘right’ answer was what he was already thinking, he was vaguely worried he was getting it wrong as he said, “...yes? I mean, yeah… I have an obligation to do something.”

Not doing something meant Kaito didn’t care. Leaving it in other people's hands? Staying out of it? Taking no personal action? That’s what you did when you had no personal investment. Doing nothing… you might as well just endorse the actions. It meant the same thing.

Cedar, through her really, extravagantly dumb actions, hurt Kokichi. 

Kaito had to Do Something.

...what other way was there to look at it?

...so...the same about Kokichi’s fears about Kaito feeling murderous...this was just...the stalemate. 

Well, not entirely. Kaito was doing something that wasn’t going to get him arrested. But...judging by how shitty he still felt about everything, it wasn’t enough. 

The look on Kokichi’s face was...conflicted. He wanted Kaito to be able to find peace. But...he could not condone murder to get it. (Because while Kaito forgot about things once they were destroyed, it never left Kokichi’s mind.)

...he knew that wasn’t fair in the slightest. So that’s why he didn’t say it. But Kokichi just...didn’t know another way to convey the feelings that were there yet. Hell, he didn’t even know how to accept Kaito’s blanket feelings of resolution. If doing things within the legal bounds wasn’t enough for Kaito, then what? What was Kokichi supposed to support?

(...a focus on punishment, rather than reparation.) 

Kokichi was quiet for...a while, before he softly sighed, looking back up at Kaito just...with pure intrigue on his face. “...does it feel like I don’t care about you because I don’t personally do anything to the people that hurt you?”

Kait suddenly laughed.

It wasn’t a happy sound.

There was a certain… strain in his face. His eyes a little too wide, and he had a full on grin on his face, one of the ones that went all the way back. It looked crazy, and he felt crazy with it on, so he immediately covered it with his hand, laughing into his palm a little. Nothing hysterical. Just… laughing at himself, more than anything.

“Against who?” Kaito chuckled, leaning against his knees, looking over the fish, “...no one hurts me. I don’t…” Kaito’s face eased a little, that overwhelmed look of sudden stress easing off of him, that rush of emotion draining out as soon as it was there. “... it hasn’t really been an issue yet. I’m sure you’d… um…”

Dr. Mariah watched Kaito sort of shut down again. There was more things to say, and she suspected there was more to say about their different concepts of closure, but… well, honestly, she had been curious about this since before the meeting started. So, pursuing that curiosity, she asked, “Kaito. You never explained what happened this month.”

“Hm?” Kaito said, looking away from the fish and towards Dr. Mariah. “Kokichi and Shuichi went over all of it.”

“They did.” Dr. Mariah agreed, “...the fact that your entire immediate family all just lost the throne of your kingdom seems like a fairly major event. Was that not worth bringing up?”

“...” Kaito stared blankly at her, before shrugging. Nothing to say.

...Kokichi’s expression hardened a bit. 

(...is something wrong? Or is this just...normal issues?)

It was...difficult to face someone who wouldn’t engage with you. Impossible to communicate. And maybe this was just a bad day for it but…

Kokichi sighed, as Kaito just...shut down again, and he gently laid his teacup down on the low table between all of them before carefully standing up. “...please excuse me. I’d like to take five minutes.”

And he walked out.

Shuichi watched Kokichi leave in concern, glancing at Dr. Mariah and Kaito, before saying, “... let me go talk to him.”

Dr. Mariah was sorely tempted to let him. She wanted too so much, if only because, with the other two gone, she could give into her temptations to just dig into Kaito himself. He was delightfully damaged, and the therapist enjoyed digging into his complex’s…

...but. She wasn’t Kaito’s personal therapist.

Her promise was to help the group communicate. And Kokichi had asked for five minutes. So, “Don’t. Respect his request, give him the time he needs. We did that for you, after all. Let him collect himself.”

Shuichi hesitated, clearly debating just ignoring her… before settling back down, frustrated. 

“...sorry.” Kaito murmured.

“Let’s wait to see why he’s upset, before you decide it’s something you need to apologize for.” Dr. Mariah informed him, glancing up at the clock, before saying to Kaito, “The announcement of your brothers exile. I imagine it happened roughly at the same time as the-”

“That’s…” Kaito glanced at the door, before pleadingly looking at Dr. Mariah, “I really, really don’t want to talk about that. Can we not? Please?”

Kokichi didn’t go far, just out into the lobby area, still empty of any receptionist. He was just...frustrated. He didn’t know how to help Kaito, and Kaito wasn’t giving out any ideas either, other than the one he obviously didn’t really care about, but just wanted to go through the motions of. Maybe it was just a case of being there to listen, to give Kaito the space to express his feelings but...Kaito wasn’t talking, and he wasn’t expressing anything! Maybe he just needed to do it not around Kokichi! Okay! But nothing was changing there either! 

Kaito was just...feeling shitty, and not doing a single thing about it, and Kokichi felt like shit because Kaito was hurting!

...and, fuck, that was just about the Cedar stuff too. Not to mention all the other shit Kaito’s been dealing with…

No people that hurt him? What, like Kaito hadn’t been affected at all by the shitstorm that kept raining down on them? Like he hadn’t been hurt and ignored and abused by his family all his life? Like a chunk of his friends hadn’t been killed because a lunatic was bummed that his ex was pining? Like his ex hadn’t tried to kidnap him and keep him as a pet? Like he hadn’t been manipulated for weeks by a phony therapist? Like people hadn’t spit in his face over his parents’ deaths? Like one of his best friends hadn’t been planning for over a year to kill his brother, who Kaito still loved even despite the abuse and disregard? Like Maki hadn’t left them all scrambling to pick up the pieces of their lives, including Kaito reconciling fatherhood to a nine-year-old and a baby on the way? 

Like his brother hadn’t just been exiled, still refused to talk to him, and everyone around him thought that it was a good thing?!

Like...fuck. Even if Kokichi didn’t understand...he still wanted to be there for Kaito, in any way he could. But sometimes Kaito just refused to acknowledge that any of it had happened at all, let alone tried to struggle through coping with it. 

...it felt like Kaito didn’t believe he was worth caring about. Like all the tragedy in his life was for a purpose, and he was just supposed to live with that pain while putting on a smile. Kokichi loved Kaito...but sometimes it was really hard to love someone who didn’t love themself. Or...who was so focused on themself, that they believed that only they were allowed to do things for people, and the actions of other people were either inconsequential, or a threat, and anything to themself just...didn’t matter. 

Kokichi sighed as he leaned against the wall. ...he wasn’t sure how much of that he actually felt. But...he just felt tired now. 

...was that grounds enough for coming back in?

He pushed himself off the wall...and grimaced as his legs wobbled, straining. ...that might be as good a sign as any. 

Quietly, Kokichi haltingly returned to the office, kind of obviously leaning on the doorknob as he just...focused on trying to return to the couch.

“Welcome back,” Dr. Mariah said, as Kaito, seeing the unsteady way Kokichi was walking, wordlessly got up, heading over and offering him his arm, “Lots of five minutes, today. I almost feel bad charging you all for the full hour and a half.”

“Don’t tease.” Shuichi said, looking downcast as he said, “All of this is…”

“Hard?”

“Destructive.” Shuichi said, giving her a dirty look. “At least, that’s how it feels. I feel like I felt fine before I got here, and now I’m angry and tired and I don’t see how that’s a improvement.”

“It is.” Dr. Mariah said, “Bottling up these emotions, letting them fester? It’ll change you. It’ll degrade you, over time. Being angry or sad or confused or hurt, and sitting in it, over a long period of time? There’s no difference between that and someone abusing you every day. It’s just self abuse… and it’s almost worse, because you can often realize that your abuser is in the wrong, see the flaws in their logic, on your own. But when those feelings are in your own mind? You wouldn’t have thought them if it didn’t make some sense to you in the first place. It’s harder to see the flaws, in the emotional abuse you give yourself. Not expressing them just makes it that much harder for you to get past it and let it go.”

Kokichi took Kaito’s arm and gave him a grateful look as they made their way back to the couch. “Thanks, sweets…”

...he was frustrated. But at the end of it all was...just his love for his husband, a kind, loving person. Kokichi wanted to help his partners any way he could because...they helped him all the time. In more literal ways, like giving him an arm to steady him, and in just...encompassing ways. Kokichi wanted to make things work, because being with his partners made him happy. And he knew they wanted to make it work too. 

Back on the couch, Kokichi let out a little breath, happy to be seated again, though… Dr. Mariah was talking a lot of sense. You were what you practiced. And if you bottled feelings...they never resolved, so you were always feeling them. So you were always affected by them, no matter how tightly corked you thought your bottle was. 

He turned to Kaito, face softer than the tight frustration from before he left. “...Kai-chan, do you want to talk about the stuff that bothers you with me? As much as I’d like to be there for you in the same way you are for me...if that’s just not what you want from me? Then...could you let me know?”

… Kaito glanced at Dr. Mariah. Before looking back at Kokichi. A clearly conflicted look on his face.

Shuichi caught the look, and frowned a little… before a sudden idea came into his head. And, a part of him recoiled from it, just because it felt a bit… intrusive? And unusually take charge for him, feeling like if he so much as suggested this, than he was annoyingly taking over the situation, potentially for the worse…

...it felt like something Kaito would do, if the situation was reversed.

“Dr. Mariah?” Shuichi asked, “Do you have any more slots open later today?”

The therapist raised one of her delicately thinned eyebrows, glancing at the clock. They still had easily forty minutes left in the season... “... Ooooh…” She laughed lightly to herself, amused. “I am far too self-indulgent for my own good… I could be tempted to fill an hour slot I have at five. Why?”

Shuichi looked to Kaito and Kokichi, “Do you guys just wanna go somewhere and come back later?”

...again, nothing. 

Less frustration this time, but the sad resignation that filled its space didn’t feel any better. 

Kokichi looked over to Shuuichi in surprise--if they were grinding to a halt now, he really didn’t see how extending this session would help-- but…

...well, if Kaito wasn’t feeling like talking about difficult things...maybe a light reprieve would help. 

Smiling slightly, Kokichi gave his boyfriend a gentle nod. “That sounds good to me. It’s a nice day out… Kai-chan?”

Kaito gave Shuichi a mildly confused look-- this already was fucking hard, dude, why were we extending it???-- but nodded… and admittedly, there was a sudden relief in his shoulders. He wasn’t trying to ignore Kokichi’s question, it was just the first immediate thought he had was-

Which bit?

And again, he just felt… selfish. And self-centered. He didn’t know how to stop this from happening. When he spoke, he brought the attention back to himself. When he didn’t speak, he brought the attention back to himself. He could try to act like his regular self, but his regular self talked, and every time he talked, every damn time, he said something that made Kokichi feel worse. And Kokichi was allowed to feel bad! But Kaito didn’t want to make Kokichi feel bad! But even the act of trying to not make Kokichi feel bad apparently made everything worse and-

Actions were so much easier to portray affection. Kaito kept endlessly fucking up everythng else. He wished he was back in the shrine putting together envelopes, at least able to pretend like he was doing anything useful.

And he just… felt stupid and selfish and he couldn’t help but feel like he was wrong. That he was doing therapy wrong. Everyone else was communicating better and he was failing. Kaito Momota, the one who fucking makes everything worse… shocking. Surprise surprise.

And those thoughts were still swimming through his head as they stepped out into the sun, Kaito pushing Kokichi on the chair, Shuichi hanging on his arm, heading down the street and towards a smaller park…

...and admittedly, the thoughts started to fade a little. The more they walked.

It was a nice day out. Things out here were normal. Dr. Mariah’s room felt so small… Kaito felt like such a failure in there. The only one not making any god damn progress, it felt like… couldn’t even think of an example of going to Shuichi for advise. Had a whole damn month, only person who hadn’t had an example for each partner… Dr. Mariah always talked like she was leading to some specific answer. But Kaito didn’t know what it was… what was he supposed to say…

Shuichi leaned his head against his shoulder. 

It was quiet. 

It was a nice day out…

“...guys?” Kaito said quietly, “Can we, like, stop at a bench and talk a bit or something?”

It was...disappointing, to have to use the chair again. Kokichi had expected it, which was why they brought it along, but...he had been doing so well earlier. Then...he just got tired. But being in a good spot at all was a huge amount of progress

It wasn’t a particularly sunny day, but it wasn’t grey and overcast and the temperature was nice. As Kokichi raised his face to catch sunlight, he had a...it wasn’t quite a sense of deja vu, but he was just hit by...a scene that felt familiar, though Kokichi had never really been to this exact place. A grassy, flower-covered hill, a breeze in the air, cool enough to be comfortable because it was coming off a nearby lake… It felt like something straight out of his imagination, really. 

Blinking slowly, Kokichi looked back up at Kaito. There was...a little, bitter part of him that scoffed that, oh, now he wanted to talk. But the part was small and petty, and Kokichi didn’t have much issue brushing it aside. He was just happy Kaito wanted to talk at all. 

“Sure. I mean...I’m already sitting, but it’s nice to plant down somewhere for a bit.”

Kaito chuckled good naturedly at that, as Shuichi nodded against his shoulder. 

They found a bench, and parking the chair in front of it, Kaito and Shuichi sat down, Shuichi leaning back a little and adjusting his cap to let some sun on his face, while Kato rubbed the back of his neck, leaning against his knees.

“... I’m really sorry, guys.” Kaito said, staring at the grass, “I know I’m the one that derailed everything back there. I just… couldn’t figure out how to get back on track.”

Again, Kokichi’s look towards his husband was soft. “It’s alright. Sometimes that just kind of happens in therapy. I couldn’t tell you how many times my therapist and I have just...sat in silence, because...well, there’s a lot of reasons.”

“And...you didn’t derail it. No more than Shuu-chan or I did, but...silence and breaks are a part of therapy too. I really appreciate that five-minute time-out we can do… This time, you just needed a little more than five minutes, hun.”

They were taking a break, but...Kokichi still needed to be honest. Smiling in a way that looked more like a grimace, Kokichi tugged on the ends of his hair. “...Though...I did leave because I was frustrated with you. I’m not always good with giving people the time they need. I’m...I’m sorry if I pressured you into feeling like you need to have an answer and a complete understanding of your own feelings right away! Because...fuck, I wasn’t even sure of mine until I was saying the words. And even still I know there’s a lot of stuff about myself that I don’t recognize. That’s just...growing up.”

Shuichi, with his eyes closed, said, “I actually think we should still talk about it.”

Kaito, who had been listening to Kokichi, nodding-- he had been about to apologize again or frustrating Kokichi, but got distracted before the words could leave his mouth-- looked to Shuichi. “...I thought you needed a break?”

“No… well, maybe.” Shuichi admitted, looking to Kaito, “I just… I may be wrong. But Kaito, all your therapy takes place in a diner.”

“...yeah.”

“And I was thinking about all the times you’ve told me important things before… and I was looking back at those memories, and realized… you really don’t like expressing yourself to a small audience in a closed, quiet space. You always look like you’d rather be anywhere else, when I think about it. It freaks you out… doesn’t it?” Shuichi asked, sighing, losing some of his certainty as he said, “Or, am I misreading things? I felt like I had some sort of epiphany, but… if I’m entirely off base?”

Kaito hesitated… looking around the park. Lots of dog walkers. Lots of dogs. That was kind of nice…

… bad things didn’t happen where other people could see.

“... I feel like if I’m upset, I’m letting you guys down.” Kaito confessed. “Like… like I feel so guilty, every time I… I don’t want to… I was really proud of you, Kokichi.” Kaito said, looking over to him. “Telling us that you feel guilty about being hurt, because Shuichi and I are taking longer to get over it. That was really brave, and.. I’m sorry. I feel… I didn’t mean to take the attention away from you. I just didn’t know what to say, and then I couldn’t stop that stupid fucking laugh… I’m sorry.”

…

Kokichi remembered a study filled with firewood. 

...it wasn’t enough to say don’t light the fire. You had to address why someone needed that idea in the first place. 

...maybe they could ask Dr. Mariah about alternatives to how their sessions could go. 

Kokichi sighed softly and reached over to gently squeeze Kaito’s shoulder for a moment. “Thank you. I know it’s something I struggle with, but I’m glad I can tell you guys that sort of stuff. I’m going to try and be better about expressing myself.”

“...but I want to hear you express yourself too,” he continued, giving Kaito a slightly worried look. “If you’re...guilty about having emotions? That’s...something really important we need to talk about. You having emotions doesn’t invalidate mine. It’s not...taking attention away from me--I wanted to have my attention on you. You’re important to me, so of course I’m going to pay attention to you.”

Kaito nodded. Appreciative, but not sure what to say.

There was some silence for awhile…

“Guys.” Kaito said quietly, “I’ve been waiting to hear Maki killed Byakuya for, like, months.”

“And then it… didn’t happen and… I found that out the day after Kokichi’s heart attack. And… that’s not your fault, Kokichi, but… I think literally the only time I’ve stopped to think about any of it in a none, like…” Kaito gestured vaguely to his head, “rambling, kind of crazy way, was to Ikou at one point, where I just… fucking brought it up out of nowhere and told him I thought…”

Kaito’s face twisted, a hurt, guilty look on his face as he said, “...I thought Byakuya should… have asked to have been executed, instead of agreeing to be banished, cause… this was my family’s birth right. Our… our kingdom. My parents… my parents raised Byakuya to be king. He was always supposed to be king. And he just… after everything he did?? He gave it away!?”

“Now Miya’s going to be made to give up her claim, and so will my nephew, and someday Kaede will have her heir, and that will be it. My family completely erased from the lineage. Dead, disgraced, disowned...and it’s my fault. It’s my fault.” Kaito suddenly said, his eyes widening, “If Maki had any influence on the civil war? I… I befriended her. I introduced her to Kaede. I kept her secrets. Against my own damn family… I sat back and did nothing and my family lost everything… I have nothing to give Miyako. Nothing. I lost her her birthright. I should have… I should have done something, I should have tried harder, I can’t officially claim Timothy, I have to take away Miyako’s inheritance, the castle is lost, my family dead and banished, and I did nothing and lost everything.”

He suddenly laughed. An unhappy sound, as he said, “And now, everything I have… I have to ask Kaede for. She split the kingdom in half, turned my best friend against me, stole the crown, and if I ever need anything from Luminary again, I have to grin and ask her for permission and not treat her like a fucking ursurping traitor…”

...Kaito put his head in his hands. Clutching the roots of his hair. “...it hurts… everything hurts…”

Kokichi listened. He was attentive. The sorrow that grew in his face reflected the same that was in his heart, the sympathy of seeing his husband absolutely devastated with burden and guilt and grief, the empathy of just...the pure pain of someone he cared deeply about. 

And...really, that’s what was important. 

There was nothing...to do about it. Byakuya had been banished. The war was over. Even if Kokichi went on some crazy power trip and tried to cast his influence over Luminary...it wouldn’t bring Kaito’s parents back, it wouldn’t make Byakuya king again, and it wouldn’t give Kaito his family influence back. 

But...it did feel kind of shitty, in how it pertained to Kaito that...even Kokichi could do those things...he didn’t want to. (Except for maybe bringing Kaito’s parents back, but raising the dead was a whole slew of issues that Kokichi didn’t even know how to begin to approach.)

Because, while he could recognize and sympathize with Kaito’s pain...he could never understand the cause of it. Kokichi would never see the power and influence Kaito and his family had the same way his husband did. For their daughter, it was a relief that she would never have to take on Luminary as her responsibility. And what they could give her was boundless, without having a title to pass on. 

And while Maki definitely was a part of the war, though they would never know the true extent of it until she told them herself, if she even chose to...the war was not won on her back alone. Change had been spurred by so, so many different people. And while Kaito was a part of Maki and Kaede’s stories...he wasn’t the driving force in them. Something would’ve happened with Kaito’s interference or not. As cruel as it was to say to someone...Kaito was irrelevant to his family’s power’s dismantling. Even if quite literally his family was still in power. 

Kokichi didn’t understand. But even talking about all that with Kaito...it wouldn’t change the fact that he was deeply, deeply hurt by everything that had happened. It would just...make him feel adrift and hurt too. 

“...I’m sorry,” Kokichi ended up murmuring. “That’s...too much, Kai-chan. You’ve been carrying all that on your own… It’s not fair.”

Kaito nodded in his hands, his voice sounding thick and heavy as he said, “I just… I just don’t understand how this happened all at once… when I came here everything was fine… everything was better, even! We were ending the war… I left to end the war… I thought I was doing the right thing. I was making this huge, heroic sacrifice, and the war would end, and everything would be better… and instead everything fell apart… it all fell apart. My whole family. My parents are dead. My brother lost his god damn mind. My friends betrayed me. It all fell apart… my whole life fell apart… it’s all gone…”

Kaito knew this wasn’t fair. But he was staring into the darkness of his palms and just the… weight of it all finally rushing out of him. He had come here in his families one big, grand act of good will. Of self-sacrifice. Regardless of what hs fathers motives had been, the Momota’s had seen the light. Decided to see reason and end the endless siege. Gave up their second son to cement it.

And a year later had lost everything.

It felt so cruel… Kaito had no idea how to link it, but he couldn’t help but see himself leaving as some sort of catalyst. He didn’t know how, but god, he had left, and his family had lost everything. And he just… had he made a mistake? Had he made a mistake? He had lost his family…

Shuichi just quietly scooted in, and resting his head on the back of Kaito’s shoulder, just hugged him around the back. The press of his stomach hard against Kaito’s side.

“...I’m sorry, guys.” Kaito murmured, calming down a little. “...I don’t mean to be a mess…”

It was...horrible. Just a cascade of shitty thing after shitty thing...even if it had meant a lot of hope for other people. But pain was still pain...it didn’t cancel out. Everything just stacked, until it was just one heaping mess of contradiction. 

Again, Kokichi reached forward to put a hand on Kaito’s shoulder, about as close as he could get to a hug right now. “...you don’t have to be sorry, and you’re allowed to be a mess. We literally asked you to talk about all this. Your thoughts and feelings on...really horrible things that just...kept happening. And…”

“...well...mindreading, so I...I’m not asking you to talk, and then immediately pull yourself together. To have some...plan forward.” Kokichi sighed softly, feeling the breeze in the air ruffle the uneven ends of his hair. “...eventually, we all need to step forward. But if we’re hurting? Grieving? Then...I want you to have that space and time to be those things. You don’t have to suffer alone with all of this, Kai-chan. You’re not failing us by being alive, and caring about things, and hurting. You’re being the person we care about, in the full extent we love.”

Kaito nodded… before, with a breath, finally taking his hands out of his hair, pulling his face back. Looking up at Kokichi from his bent forward posture-- Shuichi was still chilling out on his back, and was comfy and perfectly content to stay there-- and giving him a small, grateful look, the edges of his eyes red as he said, “I just… thank you. I just feel like… none of this is actually happening to me. I mean… when it comes down to it, as a person, I’m fine… I got lucky. My whole world exploded, and I just happened to be in the one spot where… it doesn’t really actually affect me. Even my allowance still came at the same time this month, so Kaede hasn’t cut me off.” 

“Miyako was always going to have to give up her claim cause of… a lot more than just Byakuya and Kaede not wanting to risk having their heirs compete with her. I… I never even had to buy a formal outfit to grieve in. I wasn’t inconvenienced, let alone physically hurt, by anything. And… things keep hurting you guys… it feels more important to focus on you guys. Your problems are more immediate, and, like… at least they are solvable, in small ways. All I can do is just… whine about how unfair it all feels. It never exactly feels like a good use of time.” Kaito sighed, though there was something calm in it. Shrugging slightly, though he chuckled as Shuichi grumbled indecipherably at the shrug. Comfy. No moving. “You guys can’t fucking nurse me back to health… I just feel sad. About a lot of things. And I don’t even know where to begin with it all, and it feels like, fuck, it’s endless sometimes… but none of it actually hurts me...”

Sighing, he said, “But, I’ve felt pretty bad about the whole… Cedar thing not affecting me like it should have. I just feel distracted… I’m too emotionally worn down to have any anger left to spare for her. And that feels shitty. She did something terrible to you, Kokichi…”

Kokichi...frowned softly, though he gently caressed his hand down Kaito’s neck and shoulder. “...it may not be someone mugging you in an alleyway, but...emotional distress and pain and grief are just as real, and just as happening to you, Kai-chan. I…”

He huffed softly, a touch exasperated. “You have never made me feel like my depression isn’t important to take time with. And...I’m sorry to, like...medi-splain, but… When you’re depressed? There’s a reason why it’s categorized as an illness. Along with all the stuff it does to your emotions, it has a very real physical harm to the body. All this...is hurting you. That pain isn’t irrelevant.”

“...Cedar did something terrible to me. And she faced consequences for it. And all the while I was hurting...you were there for me. Helping with all my physical needs for recovery, and...protecting my heart,” Kokichi murmured, something feeling...deeper and more profound in those words that he’d thought before saying them. “She crushed my hope...and you’ve been breathing life back into it.”

“...I don’t need your anger on my behalf, Kai-chan. I’ll respect it, if it’s there, and I can recognize what it means,” he glanced over to Shuuichi, giving him a soft look, “but I don’t need it. I needed your love, and you gave it to me in spades, even when you were drowning in your own pain. You never let me down. You were everything I needed.”

“...and I wasn’t able to be there for you… If there’s anyone worth care and love...it’s you.”

Kaito laughed, and this time, it was a happy sound.

It was just a small chortle, but he looked… embarrassed. His eyes glancing up at Kokichi, but mostly focusing on the grass, sort of having a hard time being the one being fussed over. It felt weird and selfish… but it also felt nice. He just didn’t quite know what to do with it. He felt vaguely the desire to make some sort of joke and pull this all back a bit, to kind of just… be like, alright, that was nice, I like ‘be nice to Kaito’ time, but time to move on! 

But… he didn’t follow that feeling this time. He felt like it was too hard to get to this point for him to run from it this time. He had made it so damn hard on his lovers today… “Thanks.” He said to Kokichi, “I’m sorry I make this so difficult. I know if you did this to me I’d have ended up yelling at you or making you feel like an asshole… I don’t know why in my head it’s totally fine for everyone else to talk about how they feel, but when it’s me, it’s like some… weird selfish taboo thing. I know it’s all the same for me as it is for you guys, that talking about it will make me feel better, that my feelings matter, that, if nothing else, you guys deserve to be in the know and it’s a shitty thing for me to just keep it all to myself… that’s all the stuff I’d say to you guys. But it never really feels the same when I try to apply it to myself… I just feel selfish.”

“...do you wanna give Maki an earring?” Shuichi asked, out of nowhere.

Kaitpo’s eyes widened, “Oh fuck yes I do.”

Kokichi was happy Kaito was expressing his pain...but it was nice to hear that laugh. Shuffling himself as forward as he could in his chair, Kokichi leaned forward to place a kiss on Kaito’s forehead, just...cupping his jaw for a moment. Expressing his affection. 

“It’s alright. Not really to do it, but...that you feel that way, and that it’s hard not to. We all have our biases when it comes to ourselves. And...even though it’s really hard for you to do it, to push past that selfish feeling...I’m really proud of you for talking to us anyway. I’m glad you did.”

Relaxing back into the chair from his strain, Kokichi snorted softly at Kaito’s earring enthusiasm. Maki’s return would be...complicated. For all of them, but...for Kaito most of all. But they would come to it when it happened, and hopefully they would be able to make it through together. 

“What kind of earring do you think you wanna get her, then?”

“A shell earring,” Kaito answered immediately, as Shuichi shifted off of him, Kaito reaching up to touch his own shell earring as he said, “That hurt, guys. Shell earrings suck. I mean… it looks really cool, now. I’m into it. But fuck, it hurt when I got it, and I couldn’t sleep comfortably on that side of my head for honestly a month. Shuichi, one time, when we were in the shrine, you had my head pinned to the floor, and-”

Shuichi’s eyes widened in horror, looking around before hissing, “Kaito. Don’t talk about that out here! ...I hurt your ear?”

Kaito chuckled, nodding, “Yeah.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.” Shuichi murmured, not feeling good about a lot of those memories, despite having talked to Kaito about it for a long time now. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Nah, you’re alright. It was an accident.” Kaito said easily, running his fingers over the earring, “But yeah. Definitely a shell earring… besides. It’ll suit her. We’ll buy a nice earring for it. Something red, like her eyes.”

Ooph. Kaito had definitely played it off when he got it, but...well, they’d shared a bed. Kokichi could see how tender the piercing had been, red for a while, though thankfully it had never gotten infected. 

Well. It was something he and Maki were going to work out. Among...quite a lot, he bet. 

Kokichi had nodded a bit, but as Kaito gave an example of his piercing hurting, Kokichi’s eyes went wide and his cheeks red, also just...kind of glancing at Shuuichi in surprise. Kokichi knew the two of them had gone off for some fun in the shrine in the past--and he figured it would likely happen again, once Shuuichi was feeling up to that sort of thing--but...that was pretty rough. More than he had ever seen Shuuichi be in bed before. It was...just a little surprising. 

Looking aside and rubbing a cheek to try and cool the flustered redness, Kokichi cleared her throat. “Ah...yeah. I think Maki-chan would look nice with a shell earring. Good thing we’re a little more acquainted with the jewelry shops around here now.”

Kaito laughed, nodding, “Yeah! We’ll get her something cool and slick. Something that goes with her new ‘mature’ look. And, I’m sure she’ll look cool with it… but man, I hope it stings like a bitch.”

Shuichi nodded at that, looking down at the park.

“...Kaito?”

“Hm?”

“Why was I right?” Shuichi asked, looking over to him. “I was, right? It was the space freaking you out? That’s why Miss Crystal does your sessions at the diner?”

… Kaito nodded, “Yeah, I mean… I guess so. It’s never been something I’ve noticed before therapy started. With Dr. Ford, or, the person pretending to be him, we… I mean, we obviously stayed in the office. And stuff. And when I moved on to Miss Crystal, Maki just basically wanted to spy on us. Which, fair. I didn’t trust her either, and it made me feel better to know Maki was watching… but when we realized Miss Crystal was good intentioned, at least? Maki backed off, and we tried doing it in the study in the castle instead and…”

He shrugged, “Miss Crystal said it was like all my answers started changing. Like I stopped talking with her and would only answer questions, and I didn’t… I looked like I was trying figure out…” he sighed, “I was trying to guess what she wanted me to say. I just… I get all in my head… it gets too quiet…”

“...when I was a kid, I… Head Secretary Tengan would ask me questions sometimes. And sometimes I… I kept making this mistake? I’d answer, and he’d just stay quiet, and I’d get more and more nervous, and start just… talking more? I’d answer, like, four different ways to one damn question… but! I noticed it!” Kaito said, grinning wide, looking curiously proud as he said, “I noticed what he was doing! You stay quiet and let the other person talk themselves into the noose, and… that shit worked on him too. I couldn’t believe it. I don’t think he ever noticed. He’d explain the process to Byakuya, all fucking smug and shit? Like, ‘ooooh, this is how ya do it, people are so dumb, they always fall for it, muwa-hahaha!’. But when he wasn’t thinking about it? He’d fucking fill in the silence too, if you didn’t say anything. Pompous asshole… could see it in other people, but was too smug to see it in himself… asshole…”

“Asshole,” Kokichi agreed, voice low and a disdain in his eyes, though it disappeared with a sigh. “Dunno if it’s exactly the same thing, but...how you describe it? It’s an interrogation technique here, though not a very good one, so it’s not used much these days. It’s...really distressing and, eventually, people will just say whatever they think you want to hear, instead of the actual truth. A lot of courts won’t even accept a confession if it was spurred by that technique, though having a full transcription of everything they said can kinda weigh it one way or another…”

Another soft sigh. “Let’s ask Dr. Mariah if there’s alternatives she’d be willing to do, so our sessions can be more...open. Having a distressing atmosphere is...pretty counterproductive for trying to communicate with each other.”

Kokichi sat back, tapping his feet a little on the footrests of his chair. “...are there other things, and, like, generally, for all of us? That would make therapy easier.”

Kaito rubbed the back of his head, “Sorry guys…”

“Don’t be.” Shuichi said, “It’s good we know now… I’ll miss the fish tank though. I guess we’ll just have to get one for your shrine that I can come look at.”

Kaito laughed, grinning at him, “Yeah!”

“After we get my snake.”

“Eeeegh…”

“As for other things…” Shuichi let out a heavy breath, “I don’t know? Honestly, it took all of this just to work out how this was affecting Kaito-”

“Sorry.”

“- don’t be. But, in retrospect, it’s been kind of obvious from the beginning? So now I’m thinking about things, and just… is there some other obvious thing we’re missing?”

Kokichi would argue that nothing was obvious until you confirmed it, but...yeah. There were some serious clues. So...were there others?

Leaning back in his chair, Kokichi tried to think… Kaito had a nervous habit of popping and worrying his joints...but that wasn’t necessarily a sign of distress. It was literally a nervous habit, and...well, therapy wasn’t about never being uncomfortable ever. It was just a sign that Kokichi could see to...maybe take a hint to back off a little. But that wasn’t really an environmental change…

Sighing, Kokichi chewed the inside of his cheek a bit. “I mean...it’s been discussed that you don’t appreciate when Dr. Mariah’s trying to be clever. Shuu-chan can be stand-offish when he’s annoyed but...that’s not really a thing to change or note. It just...is, and you can recognize when it’s something you wanna address, or if you wanna cool off.”

“I’m...still working on the mind reading stuff,” Kokichi sighed, even deeper than before, looking more than a bit sheepish. “Sometimes it just...feels so instinctive, like...all the time that it’s hard to catch...but I’m trying to pull back before I do, little by little. Does...it get to the point where I’m trying to speak for you?”

“Nah. Not that I’ve ever noticed.” Kaito said, shaking his head at Kokich, “Though, honestly, I think I do the same thing. Or… you know what I do a lot?” Kaito realized, thinking about it, “I have fake arguments in my head with you guys… like, you say something in real life, and I think something, but I don’t say it because in my head, I already know your response, and then my response to that, and then your response… which I think is ultimately just mind reading?”

“Sounds like future telling to me,” Shuichi mused, thinking about his annoyance with Dr. Marah sometimes, though not quite ready to voice his thoughts.

“Yeah! Future telling. Like, I already know whats going to happen, so I don’t actually have to do it… I think I do that a lot, actually.” Kaito said, sighing, “I mean… maybe I should tell Dr. Mariah? I don’t know how she could call me out on it, but ya know… I don’t know.”

“I don’t think it could hurt…” Shuichi said softly. “...this isn’t actually against her. I actually think Dr. Mariah is a very interesting therapist. But if I get aggressive sometimes…” Shuichi paused. Maybe this wasn’t worth saying… “...sometimes, when she thinks she’s being clever… and that’s the thing, I don’t even know if she’s trying to ‘trick’ us. She’s always so obvious about it, it’s hard to think she’s not clueing us in… but she put this look on her face and…” Shuichi closed his eyes, “...sometimes she reminds me of Nao.”

“Mmm… I don’t think I do it too often, but...trying to guess at how you’ll react to things? That’s definitely a future telling sort of thing too.” Kokichi nodded a bit, smiling slightly as he saw someone on a walk sigh and pick up their dog...who was probably around sixty pounds. “I think...the most important thing is that we recognize it. But, at least during our sessions, letting Dr. Mariah know might give us another person to catch us when we’re doing it.”

Honestly, Kokichi thought Dr. Mariah was an excellent therapist, if not the most sympathetic person. But a therapist didn’t need to be a bleeding heart and...honestly, being a little distant probably helped out both patient and therapist in their journey and personal life and health. 

Kokichi never really felt like Dr. Mariah was trying to trick them either. It was more like...she was trying to make a point without saying it outright, or trying to get them to realize something on their own. Which, in some circumstances, was helpful, but could get irritating if you felt like you were being played with. 

...experimented upon.

Eyes locking over onto Shuuichi, Kokichi’s face fell. “...do you… The phrasing makes this sound weird because...I do think we should do this. But I won’t talk about it unless Shuu-chan’s okay with it, okay? So that’s what I’m asking… But...do you think we should talk about her in our sessions? Not even just...to explain to Dr. Mariah that, hey, your vibes suck sometimes, but…”

“...she hurt you real bad, Shuu-chan,” Kokichi murmured. “I think...her impact is something we should all talk about, at some point…”

Shuichi shifted the cap on his head a little, lowering it, looking… a little reserved…

...but he sighed. Shifting it back up again, letting some sun back on his face, as he said, “I kind of want to. I’ve kind of wanted to talk about it for a long time, really. Since it all happened, honestly… but it’s been hard. I… I go back and forth between feeling guilty about it to feeling scared about it. Sometimes…” he glanced at Kaito, who was staring at his hands, “...sometimes I feel like I’m not being fair to her. Like, in the end, I hurt her more than she hurt me.”

Kaito stood up and walked away a few steps, one hand on his hip, the other running through his hair… he took a breath… before coming back and sitting down again.

“I’m good. I’m fine. Keep going. I’m sorry I interrupted.” Kaito said, looking to his hands again.

Shuichi nodded. “... a part of me knows that’s wrong. But… a part of me really believes it. That I’m just… whining about something that wasn’t actually that big a deal. And it’s made it hard for me to talk about it, that feeling of just… what if I’m wrong? And it wasn’t that bad…”

...yeah.

Kokichi didn’t understand exactly how Shuuichi was feeling, and, hopefully, he never would. Going through what Shuuichi had...Kokichi hoped that such a thing never happened again, for all time. But some of the feelings Shuuichi described...Kokichi had his own version of them. And knew how difficult they made it to really talk about what happened. 

How they chipped and chipped away at your self-worth. How suffocating the guilt felt. 

“...if that’s what Shuu-chan wants, then it’s something we’ll put on the docket to talk about. And...if this helps any? I believe that you’re right, and it was a big deal. So if you talk about it...that’s the position I’m seeing it through. So even for the feelings that want to minimize it and make you feel like the monster...you have at least one person on the outside who says that’s wrong. And that every piece of hurt Shuu-chan feels is valid.”

“...thank you.” Shuichi said softly… before gripping his hands into a fist, and insisting in a sudden rush, “The-three-of-us-need-to-talk-about-our-sexual-history.”

He said it all in a rush. Like he was afraid too, before lowering his cap over his eyes, a grimace on his face. 

“...we’ve all… hurt each other. In ways. Before. And, I know we’ve all talked about it individually, but it still feels like this… big secret. That we’re keeping from ourselves. And… and I’m sorry for being the one to bring it all up. I don’t know if it bothers you two at all. But sometimes it bothers me. I’m sorry.”

It didn’t feel like a slap or anything so intense. But...Shuuichi’s rushed subject made a lump start to form in Kokichi’s throat. Made his lips thin and his eyes drop their gaze to his lap. 

...yeah. They...they did. On the whole...Kokichi felt like they were okay. But...certain things…

Kokichi scrunched his eyes shut but gave a gentle nod. “...okay. We can talk about it. But…” There was an indistinct sound in the back of Kokichi’s throat as his words died, his nerves and embarrassment making it difficult already. But if it was something between them, then they needed to talk about it. Fully. Without leaving things unsaid and people unsure. “...can...we not talk about our wedding night...and the morning the party left first?”

Kaito crossed his arms over his chest, just a sad, frustrated look on his face… nodding. Both to Shuichi. And to Kokichi. But…

“Do we really want to talk about that with Dr. Mariah?” Kaito asked, looking to the other two, “I know we already said we would, and maybe it’s weird that I’m the one suggesting we shouldn’t, but… ugh, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just feeling cowardly. But, we don’t have to talk about it all with her. We can just… talk about it.”

Kaito looked to Kokichi and… deflated a little. Maybe he was just being cowardly. It was telling, that with all the mistakes he had made in their relationship… it was the wedding night, and morning after the party left, that was too difficult for Kokichi to talk about. Kaito was a scumbag… “Though, talking to Dr. Mariah about it might make it easier to not bail on the conversation when it gets hard.” Kaito admitted, sighing to himself.

Kokichi swallowed thickly, and though he didn’t open his eyes, he did let some of the tension in his body relax. “...the goal of all this is so we can communicate and have tough conversations together. I think...for some of it? We might be able to handle it on our own...and if we can’t, then we know it should be something we should talk about in counseling.”

“...but I think there are some things that...I think we might need her help with from the start. Especially if...it’s still this thing between us, even after talking about it individually…” 

A deep breath and Kokichi gently opened his eyes, still looking...terribly embarrassed, not the kind that made you shrink and your cheeks heat up, but the kind that hit you in the pit of your stomach and made you feel ill. But he was determined to get through this. 

“...so, we ask about changing location first?”

Kaito sighed… and then laughed, “Yep. Guess so. Wow, we… really needed this break, apparently. Good job, Shuichi. Holy fuck.”

Shuichi smiled, something a little proud in it, though he humbly shrugged. “Sometimes taking a step back from the crime scene and taking a breath is the correct choice… but the next important step is going back to the scene of the crime. Are you guys ready to return?”

Kokichi looked over at the sun, trying to gauge the time. Was it really getting close to five already? In fairness, the slot they’d had with Dr. Mariah was in the mid-afternoon, so it really hadn’t been that long, all things considered…

“Yeah, I’m good,” Kokichi hummed, settling back more properly in his chair, making it easier to sit while he was pushed. “...do you guys think you’d wanna get takeout for dinner? Since we’ll already be out, and everything…”

“Ooooh, let’s get something fried.” Kaito said excitedly, pushing Kokichi down the hill.

“That sounds unhealthy. I thought unhealthy was forbidden.”

“Who said that? That guy sounds lame. Friiiiiied. Fried! Fried! Fried!”

-

“...so we were wondering if there was an arrangement we could make to have our sessions in a more open place,” Kokichi finished, speaking...far more confidently than he felt. It was an accommodation they were more than in the right to request, but...he was still a little nervous. 

If it wasn’t a possibility...well, it didn’t really matter how great of a therapist Dr. Mariah was. If Kaito started shutting down, then that defeated the purpose of trying to be more open with each other. And...Kokichi wasn’t...really excited to start the hunt for a new relationship counselor. 

...he’d miss her office a bit too, but that was far, far, faaaaaaar down on the list of priorities in Kokichi’s mind.

Dr. Mariah was, again, sipping at her tea, having brewed a new batch in the hour the trio were gone… and put the cup back down with a small clink. 

“Kaito?” She said, Kaito looking up, mildly startled. Like he was always a little caught off guard to be directly referred to… hmmm… “Your partners are doing a lot of the talking here. I’m assuming this is what you all talked about when you left, but I’d feel more comfortable knowing this is how you actually feel. A chance in location…?”

It was so stupid that Kaito felt a moment of hesitation, but there was always that feeling of… answering wrong. That sense he was being led to the correct answer, but even if he was convinced he had it right, it was still going to be wrong… which. Stupid. The right answer was the one he and his partners had worked out in the park. The therapist didn’t have a right answer to this. She wasn’t the one who had brought up the original question.

He still squeezed his hand as he said, “Yeah. I think it would help a lot. Like Shuichi said, it’s something I’ve been doing in personal therapy for months now already. I… get uncomfortable. In scenarios like…” Kaito waved his hand vaguely around the room. “This.”

Dr. Mariah nodded… before standing up. “Let it be known, I am entirely too soft on you three. It’s ridiculous… very well. Follow me.”

And with that, she promptly headed out the door, teacup still in hand.

There was a bit of a scramble to get Kokichi back in the chair, heading out to follow her as she called back in her young, girlish voice, “Do hurry, we haven't got all day.” and by the time the three got out into the hall…

“Is that a false wall?” Shuichi asked, raising an eyebrow, as Dr. Mariah held open wooden panel that, before, was merely a part of the wall with a painting on it. A stairway leading up. 

“I like my curiosities.” she said, “And I apologize, it’s not wheelchair accessible. The passageway is too narrow. You can leave the chair in the hall. Come come, let’s see if this will be agreeable.”

Kaito looked at Kokichi, “You alright with that, babe?”

Kokichi was, admittedly, gawking a bit at the hidden passageway, awed by the cool-factor, which was incredibly cool. And was probably coded for personal use, which meant that it was still in code for not being accommodating for mobility disabilities. 

Taking a deep breath, Kokichi pushed himself up from his chair, legs still not incredibly steady, but he nodded. “If you’re willing to give me some help, that’s fine with me. It’s not like we tend to move around a whole ton during our sessions anyway.”

Except for that day, but it was an outlier in all sorts of ways. 

“I am...so curious about what’s up here, too…”

“Ha! Alright, let’s go see what our edgy loli doctor’s hiding in her attic.” Kaito grinned, giving Kokichi a hand, while Shuichi held the door for them, heading up just before.

It wasn’t a long staircase, thankfully. It was a short building, surrounded by taller buildings, though none of them by much. And, when they got to the top… 

It wasn’t an attic. It was a door to the roof. 

And on the roof was a garden, and a Koi pond.

There were, in fact, lots of gardens here. The surrounding buildings all had similar setups, difficult to see from the streets unless you were specifically looking up and looking for them, but it was clear that this part of the market district, at least, had made a collective effort to make their somewhat more boring part of the city, more floral and lively on their rooftops. And, sitting on the benches among the garde, the koi pond centering them, going on towards the far corner of the roof, one of Dr. Mariah’s neighbors, who was watering her own plants, called down to her, “Ava! Beautiful day! I see you have company!”

“I do, Sa’vay. But, please, they are in fact some of my clients. Do forgive me if I don’t catch up!” She half-shouted back up to her neighbor, who had a surprised look on her face.

“Oh, apologies, apologies, please ignore me! You all don’t mind me, I’m just watering the garden! I won’t hear you none!” The neighbor assured them, giving the therapist another wave as she said, “Ava, don’t let me forget, I have a pie in the oven for you!”

“I’m working, Sa’vay!’

“Right, right, of course! Have fun!”

It wasn’t just the secret passageway that was magical. 

Kokichi knew that rooftop gardens were a thing. It was very specifically a thing, since in denser areas that didn’t have room for many plants on the ground roof gardens were one of the best ways to have some greenery, whether just for environmental reasons, or because you wanted to grow things for yourself. And even in Usott he knew about it, but…

Well, when would he ever have gotten the opportunity to hang out on someone’s roof?

Kokichi had been breathing a bit heavily by the time they made it to the top of the staircase--stairs were haaaard--but it felt like his breath was really stolen by the picturesque little oasis on Dr. Mariah’s roof. “Oh… It’s beautiful up here… This is amazing!”

Kaito looked around. At the sun, at the scent of the plants and the water and the burn of the asphalt, at the neighbors, puttering around in their own rooftop gardens. After helping Kokichi sit down, he could help but wander off for a moment, checking out the side of the building, where people below were going from building to building, chatting, bargaining, kids playing.

...it was loud.

..he grinned, going back to the bench and looking with, just, open fascination at the Koi fish as he said, “Oh wow… can I feed bread to these?”

“No.” She said, sitting down in her own chair, sun umbrellas shielding them from the worst of the rays. “But I can give you some fish food to throw in next time. And you can pet them.”

“We can pet them?”

“They enjoy pets, yes. Wash your hands before touching your mouth though. There’s a sink over in the corner.”

“I see it…” Kaito grinned, just looking enchanted by the fish as he carefully put his hand in, murmuring to himself, “Absolutely bout to pet me some motherfucking fish… fucking look at you guys! You’re so big! Hi...”

“We don’t have all the time in the world,” Dr. Mariah reminded him. “But, what do we think? Shall we try this?”

Shuichi settled onto the bench. It wasn’t as comfy as the chairs below, but… “Kaito?”

“Hmm?” Kaito asked, entirely distracted, fucking petting himeself some dope-ass fish, “...oh! Yeah, I mean… I think so? This…” he laughed, feeling sheepish and a little embarrassed as he looked around, before heading to the sink, washing his hands and going to sit back down with Kokichi, “...no, I don’t feel trapped, I think. Or, whatever it was I felt, anyway… I feel okay.”

There was such a palpable change in Kaito’s demeanor. His open excitement and joy and...Kokichi wasn’t sure what it was, really, but...it was almost as if he could feel Kaito’s freed happiness. Again, therapy wasn’t supposed to be all smiles all the time, but...it did help if you weren’t already feeling threatened by something you could so easily avoid or change. 

Smiling warmly, Kokichi leaned against Kaito’s side for a moment--this bend was much smaller than the couch--before giving Dr. Mariah a thankful nod. “Thank you for allowing us into your personal garden. Hopefully...we’ll have an easier time discussing things.”

“Which, ah… While we were out, we decided on a few more subjects to get into...eventually, I guess. As they come up. In...um…” Kokichi took a steeling, steadying breath. “Including parts of our sexual history. Along with...something I feel like Shuu-chan should head.”

Her journal in her lap again, Dr. Mariah nodded, pleased this would suffice. “I see, I see… a productive walk, apparently. There are probably still things we can talk about from the first part of this session, but, honestly, Kokichi being honest about his difficulties knowing his pain causes his partners pain, Shuichi’s frustration with everything that happened in the last month, and Kaito’s difficulties opening up during these sessions-”

“Along with some other stuff we talked about at the park.” Kaito interrupted, “We ended up getting into a lot of the family stuff I have going on back home…”

“-...” Dr. Mariah was devastated she missed that. Nooooooo, it was probably sooooo yummmyyyy, uggggggh, “Excellent. Eventually being able to have these difficult conversations entirely on your own is always the eventual goal, and that in itself is fantastic signs of progress. But as I was saying, though there may be more we can discuss, there is potential benefit to starting fresh on an entirely new subject. And if it was something worth bringing up during your walk…” she looked to Shuichi, “Shuichi?”

“...it came up because we were talking about things during therapy that makes opening up tough?” Shuichi said, his face calm, but his voice tense. “Dr. Mariah, with all due respect-”

“Which I imagine, from you, means occasionally.” Dr. Mariah teased gently.

“-... you remind me of a… difficult person in my past.” Shuichi sighed, “It’s not really your fault. I just… I just see her, sometimes. In you. And it just… makes me uncomfortable and defensive.”

Now, at this, Dr. Mariah frowned. “I see, I see… that is a bit of a more difficult problem. But, important to discuss… hopefully we’ll be able to resolve this, but if not, it’s better to acknowledge that now and take appropriate steps to get you all better help.”

“I don’t mean to insult-”

‘You haven't. Therapy is a delicate process, and there’s a thousand different reasons why a therapist might not be a good match. Instead of ignoring it, it’s better to acknowledge it, analyze it, and work on where to go from there.” Dr. Mariah insisted, “And because this is something that directly affects the quality of this therapy to you, Shuichi? It’s what we should explore next. Are you comfortable with that?”

Shuichi’s brow furrowed… “No.” he admitted, but looked to his partners, “...but also yes. I… it’s not an easy topic for me. And I haven't talked about it much to anyone. It’s… it’s not an easy conversation for my partners to take part in either.” Shuichi warned. “It’s a hot button for all of us.”

“I’ll be fine.” Kaito promised, though there was a tension in his forehead that suggested he was already struggling with it. “I’ll keep my cool. I promise.”

...again...Kokichi didn’t really want to look for another counselor. But if Shuuichi was always on the brink of seeing Dr. Mariah that way...then it would be what they’d have to do. Find someone they could all feel comfortable opening up with equally. 

With their proximity quite close, Kokichi couldn’t help placing a steadying hand on Kaito’s bicep for a moment before letting go of a quiet sigh. “...if any of us need a moment, that’s something we can take. We’re not trying to...rush through talking about this to get to something else. We’ll take our time, in a way that’s safe for all of us to talk about.”

...and maybe along the way Kokichi would be able to sort out some of his own feelings on the matter.

Pressing his lips together, Kokichi looked over to Shuuichi, his gaze gentle, but a firm solidarity in it. It was difficult...but he was supporting Shuuichi through every step. “...do you wanna start off, Shuu-chan?” Let him control the narrative. 

… oh.

This was going to be hard, Shuichi realized all of the sudden.

He had known that, of course. But… he had known that in the same way he had known seeing the kids, people who had known him before his body morphing, would make him nervous. It was… one thing to know something was difficult, and then it was time to actually do it.

“...this is all hard for me to say.” Shuichi admitted quietly.

“May I ask questions?” Dr. Mariah asked.

Shuichi nodded.

“Was this someone you knew in Luminary?” she guessed, “Before you arrived to live in Dicea?”

“No. She…” Suichi swallowed, “...please don’t tell anyone about this.”

“I am legally bound to not say anything.” Dr. Mariah gently reminded him… before her face hardened. “And, on my integrity as your therapist, I swear it.”

Shuichi nodded. “...thank you. She… she was a librarian in the Usott castle that… took an interest in me.” Shuichi said, looking down, hiding under his cap for a moment. “... I don’t… I feel like I have to say, that my memories of these events… it’s been close to a year now, and I wasn’t emotionally or physically in a good place… I don’t always have a clear recollection of what happened. Or… why things happened the way they did… I may have exaggerated things, o-or maybe I’m just remembering wrong-”

“Let’s start with your version of events.” Dr. Mariah prompted. “If we need to, we can clarify as we go. But let’s start with what you know.”

“...her name was Nao. She was a librarian. I was in the middle of a brief but intense addiction to what, at the time, we were calling Despair Pollen. It made me… unusually aggressive. It made me seek out stress as a pleasure stimulant. It made me… for the first time in my life, not only sexually active, but… sexually desperate… is the only way to describe it.”

“...the day Nao approached me, was the first day it was starting to get… bad. I had been vaguely aware something was happening before that point, but the full impact hadn’t really made itself apparent till that day. I… I…” Shuichi hesitated… “...I…”

He glanced at Kaito, realizing, “...I never told you…”

Dr. Mariah chimed in just before Kokichi was about to and...her words probably kept them more on track than what Kokichi was going to say. He wanted to say that...when it came to them talking about it? It didn’t actually matter if Shuuichi was remembering it wrong. What he said was how he felt, was pain that he was feeling, and that pain was real even if the events didn’t happen exactly as he remembered. 

Shuuichi’s pain was what mattered to them. So those were the events that mattered. 

...but they did need to get the ball rolling on explaining what happened so...they didn’t have much time for Kokichi to start up a speech. 

But...other than letting Shuuichi control the narrative, there were other reasons for him to explain what happened. Namely...that he’d never fully explained everything that happened. 

Kokichi looked a bit puzzled, looking between his partners, but...he took a breath and gave Shuuichi an encouraging nod. “That...would be a step forward in communication, telling us now.. Or we could come back to this later?”

Shuichi turned that guilty, tense look to Kokichi… nodding back, “I… yeah, I…”

“Whatever it is?” Kaito said, “...I promise. If I’m angry? We’ll talk about it later, and we’ll get past it. I promise.”

“... I realized something was getting… bad. Because, the day before, I…” Shuichi glanced between them again, “...I kissed Kokichi in his sleep. I… I wanted to hurt him. And hurt you by doing that.”

… Kaito took Kokichi’s hand. Taking it and putting it between both of his hands. His face blank.

“...that pollen stuff’s a bitch.” Kaito said quietly. As if reminding himself. “...we’ll talk about it more later.”

...ah. Right. 

...honestly Kokichi felt kind of bad about it now. How much Shuuichi telling him that just...hadn’t phased him at all. Knowing the sort of guilt that could tear at his boyfriend. 

But...well...they’d talk about it. 

Kokichi gently squeezed Kaito’s hand, rubbing the side of it. “The spores are...very intense.” Kokichi looked over to Dr. Mariah, something a little...tentative in his face. “Did you...read about the drug outbreak that happened last fall? Because that would...probably explain a little more of the...technical stuff, surrounding all this…”

“...I did.” Dr. Mariah said. She usually liked to feign ignorance, when it was convenient. How a person explained things often said leagues more then the mere exchange of facts ever meant to. But, “I’m actually very well read, on the subject. Quite a few people connected to the brewery party debacle are actively in counseling. Understandably so.”

Flora were a nightmare. Demons gave those bastards a wide berth. 

Shuichi gave Kaito another nervous look, and Kaito… gave him a small smile. The initial shock of the confession past, and while they would talk about this… well, it wasn’t an immediate issue. “Go on, handsome. This is important.”

“Right… so, I was hiding in the library the next day. I knew something was wrong and felt like I couldn’t be around my friends.” Shuichi thought he remembered, “Because I was tempted to hurt them. But, I had to be around other people, because it made me uncomfortable, because I was… sexually… um…” he blushed, looking down, “...I’m sorry. This is still difficult to talk about sometimes. Um, anyway, I was in a compromised position. Um… and Nao noticed. I guess. No, she did, she noticed, she said…”

Shuichi’s face went red, “She said… she said she thought I was… she said it looked like I’d just start m-masterubating in the library any second… I didn’t think I was going to! I was bothered, yeah, but… m-maybe I would have? I don’t know… I really don’t remember. Maybe she was sparring me some terrible embarrassment? I don’t remember… but she said she’d help me up to my room and… I don’t remember why I agreed? I don’t think I knew what she was hoping for…I didn’t think about things like that yet. I had never… I had never been with anyone before then… I don’t remember if I knew what was going on…”

Shuichi’s voice went tight, and he said, “Sorry. I’m really embarrassed.”

“You don’t have to go into detail.” Dr. Mariah reminded him, though, she suspected…

“I… I kind of want to? I’ve never told anyone what happened… not anyone. Not really.” Shuichi murmured, “...should I stop? Maybe this is too much…”

“...I can’t speak for Kokichi… I can say this makes me want to punch that tree.” Kaito confessed, gritting his teeth, “But… if this is something you need off your chest? I… promise I will only punch that tree. Unless it’s not a tree to be punched?”

“Don’t punch the tree.” Dr. Mariah said blankly. “You’ll break your hand, and it’s not a good coping method.”

“Damn.” Kaito murmured, taking one of his hands back from Kokichi and digging his stupid mediation rock out. Starting to rub it between his fingers.

Kokichi’s lips thinned, but...he did his best not to let his expression darken too much. This was difficult enough for Shuuichi. 

But…

“...I’m already pissed,” Kokichi muttered with a soft sigh. “But it’s okay. I’m okay. I’m just...angry that this happened to Shuu-chan, but it did happen so...please, talk about it.”

...he had a theory already, even if Nao herself had pretty much confirmed it in their discussion. The snide comment about masturbating...that was...so much just Nao trying to make someone uncomfortable. It was...more ‘purposeful’ everything she did to Shuuichi, but from the start, and just to everyone...Nao was the type to poke and prod and make fun of and annoy… She had...likely just stumbled across that trigger through her usual demeanor…

...he had never thought that it was a cruel trait. It was even something he saw in himself at times. 

...why had she…?

Another little sigh. “Please say as much as you want, Shuu-chan.”

Shuchi gave his partners an uncertain look, but… he did want to talk about it, In the sun, in the garden, with their permission… he’d never get a more comfortable chance to do so. And… and sometimes he just wanted it off his chest. Sometimes he wanted them to understand why certain things scared him. And sometimes he just… he just was so confused. And conflicted about what happened. And he just… he wanted confirmation? Validation? Maybe just straight up a second opinion…

… had it been his fault?

Was there even a fault?

Maybe he had made this all worse in his head than it had ever been… maybe he had caused this all himself…

“Um, anyway… um, sorry… “ Shuichi collected his thoughts, trying to remember, “... she helped me up to my room, and I think I was just going to go inside. And… maybe? Sorry, I feel like there was a moment where she stopped me… that could be in my head though. I’m really not sure about that. But she… she did get my permission. Like, explicitly. She wanted to come in, and I knew why. By that point. She wanted to come in, and… I was happy! I was! I thought, fuck, all my prayers had just been answered… this tall, beautiful woman, right when I was the most desperate, just… appeared! And was gonna solve this! I couldn’t have asked for a luckier break! I… I wanted it. I did. I wanted it badly. And… so she came in…”

Shuichi suddenly started scratching under his sleeves. Scratching at his skin as he recalled, “...she had this bag on her… wait, did she? Was the bag there the first day? Why did she have that? Did she? ...yes! She did!” Shuichi’s eyes widened, connecting the part of the memory that confirmed, “The dildo!”

“Fucking, god dammit…” Kaito suddenly cursed, Shuichi shrinking, “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. Ignore me, handsome, it’s fine.”

Shuichi’s face had turned bright red though, maybe having realized he was giving too much detail. “Sorry, I got caught up in remembering, I’m sorry. It doesn’t matter. She just had this bag, and… anyway. Anyway. Um… sorry. That’s not important.”

“Any detail you want to share, Shuichi… I can understand you wanting to be sensitive to your audience. But if it’s bothering you, you can explain it. You don’t have to apologize. Your partners will tell you if it’s too much. Trust in them.”

“Right… right. I mean, it’s still not important. I won’t go into all that. I just couldn’t remember… why would she have that?” Shuichi said, looking more concerned at the memory, “...I really thought I made that up. Because that makes no sense, but… I know we used those items in the bag. Was it the first day? … I feel like she wouldn’t have had that the first day. Maybe I am getting the memories mixed up…” Shuichi’s shoulders suddenly slumped, and he said quietly, “I remember telling her I didn’t know what I was doing. I think I… literally screamed it. I think I was trying to ask her to be gentle, but… not really. I wanted her to show me what to do, I think… I didn’t know what was…” Shuichi, who had been handling this well up till this point, suddenly scrunched up his face. Eyes wet as he said, “I didn’t know what I was doing… I think I told her… I don’t remember. Maybe I didn’t say that… I’m sorry, I don’t remember… I didn’t ask her to leave. I wanted her to stay. I was just scared…”

Shuichi ran his palm over his eyes, wiping away the small drops, before scratching under his collar a bit, “Sorry, I’m sorry, give me a moment…”

“Shuichi?” Dr. Mariah said, voice gentle, “May I ask… by this point, what is it about me that reminds you of her?”

“U-um…” Shuichi cleared his throat, trying to pin it down. “...she had this way of explaining things to me. It was… I don’t say you do this… you do something close to it… it was like she was talking to a pet… she used to coo things at me in this cutesy, mocking tone… she’d look at me when I asked her to explain something like she thought I was adorable… and stupid for asking… she called me Shuu… I don’t really know how to explain it. I guess…sometimes when you tease me, I hear that in her. This sense like I’m being led around by someone who just… thinks I’m an idiot and is leading me around by the nose…”

Dr. Mariah made a mental note of this. Smugness, is what it sounded like was bothering Shuichi in her. She could tone that down. She did have smug qualities, but if it was genuinely getting under her patient's skin, she could reel that back.

That was the issue, before they really learned what the spores could do… It wasn’t consent if someone was drugged, but...they hadn’t understood it. And Shuuichi had said yes. 

Kokichi’s cheeks lit up red at the mention of a dildo--that had been...kind of the bulk of things that Shuuichi had left out before, and...Kokichi had been kind of glad for that--but...hearing Shuuichi struggle to pinpoint when things happened, what was going on…

...three days…

...treating him like an idiot all the while...

Kokichi curled his fists in his lap. He knew Nao was still...sore for him. And it wasn’t as bad as the first time. But...it did feel like his heart was breaking again. 

“So...so yeah. Nao stayed… no, no, she didn’t. That’s right.” Shuichi recalled, scratching his wrists, “She...I think I passed out in the middle? I don’t remember it ending. I think just one second it was happening, and the next second I was waking up… was I…” 

Again, Shuichi had this moment where he wasn’t certain if his memories were correct. “... I was hurt. I couldn’t move that well… I… was I handcuffed? I remember her saying she hoped for my sake I could get to a key…”

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I need ten minutes… no, sorry, five. I need a minute. I’ll be back. You don’t… you don’t have to stop talking, Shuichi, but I need a minute.” Kaito growled, standing up and walking off, heading to the other side of the roof. Running a hand through his hair and grumbling to himself.

Shuichi guiltily watched Kaito leave, before sighing. “... um. I don’t remember if I was handcuffed. My memories are a little confused there. I remember needing to pee… but I couldn’t get out of bed. But that might not have anything to do with handcuffs. I really don’t remember, I’m sorry, I may be making that up. Um. Hajime found me. I had fallen out of bed… no, that was later. Nao came back. She told me…” Shuichi’s brow furrowed, “She told me that she had taken my jar of pollen. I was giving myself these small, measured doses, twice a day… no… once a day, and then it was becoming twice a day… I was starting to crave it more and more often, and taking it more often. She told me she had searched my room and stolen the jar, and I begged her for it back… did I? Maybe I just thought it… she said I could have more if I was good… did she?”

Shuichi tried to recall, “What did she say… she said… I don’t remember what she wanted… well, I knew what she wanted later. She wanted to get me off the pollen. It was all to help me. That’s what keeps confusing me. She wanted to help. She did. So maybe… maybe that other stuff didn’t happen? Maybe I made it up? She wanted to help me. She got me a doctor. She weaned me off the drugs… she… she eventually told Maki and Kaito and Kokichi?” Shuichi said, it clearly a question, “Someone told them… Kokichi?” Shuichi asked, realizing this was something his boyfriend would be able to help him with. “How did you guys find out? I remember… Nao was in the room, and Kaito was going to kill her. I can’t remember why she was there… did she tell you guys? I remember being scared she told on me...”

Shuuichi had just been...wrecked. Absolutely. So much he couldn’t take care of himself on even the most basic level. 

...Hajime had found him?

Kokichi huffed, feeling...anger and grief bubble and squirm in his stomach. “Because she wanted to get you off the spores doesn’t mean what she did was good…”

Shaking his head, Kokichi sighed. “You went into town, one day… And later, we got a phonecall from Nao’s wife that you’d been there and...weren’t in a good state. Maki-chan went looking for you...and...and she found you at that brewery with...Itch and Tom and Aba…” 

Kokichi’s voice went into a low murmur at that before he took a breath. “Maki-chan made you promise to talk to us about what happened...and you started but...it was hard to get the full story and...we tracked down Nao to explain. And she did. She made it sound like...one of her...fucking stories…”

Despite himself, Kokichi felt his eyes burn, that anger in his chest burning too. “...but she also tried to warn us that...because of how the spores work...Shuu-chan might try to kill himself. And...Kai-chan pushed us all out of the room, moved my desk in front of the door and...tried to kill her.”

Shuchi’s eyes widened. That’s right! He hadn’t had his dose! He had been good, and she hadn’t given him his dose! It hadn’t been fair! He had done as he was told, he had needed it, and-!

Shuichi shivered. 

That… phew, that wasn’t a good series of thoughts. He had… hadn’t felt like that in a long time now. Not since he had finally shaken the habit of calling her ‘Miss’. Ugh…

Giving Kokichi a soft, sympathetic look, he softly said, “...sorry…”

“You don’t, I believe, need to apologize at this point, Shuichi.” Dr. Mariah said, though internally, listening to how Kaito had handled the situation… honestly. These poor bastards made already terrible situations so much harder on themselves… “Your disjointed memories? Your actions? They’re pretty common, so far, among all the recovering spore addicts. The spores themselves, we believe, don’t cause memory loss. But they encourage behavior that, at the time, was counterproductive to forming coherent memories, or at the time, making coherent decisions. A common theme we get from recovering addicts is they feel like most of those memories happened through a haze of heat. Their bodies under so much perpetual stress that it felt like they were in a constant feverish state. That feverish state was also, no doubt, amplified by poor diet and sleep choices the addicted felt compelled to make: they didn’t eat properly, they didn’t drink water, they slept only when they passed out, and if their body started to recover by some miraculous means? They went and damaged it again, worsening all the symptoms.”

You could actually create a seedling in a relatively safe manner, even under the current, horrifying drugs that were the default and only easily accessible form of the spore under the current ruler of Flora. Even keeping them under stress, if you took excellent care of them through their transition, their bodies recovered well and their actions were far more manageable, when they weren’t raving under a fever that was devouring their bodies. But leaving a seedling to figure it out on their own? Shuichi was lucky to be alive. So were, in fact, quite a few people in Usott. Most wild seedlings didn’t survive their first pregnancy.

It sounded like Shuichi got a… what could be generously called a ‘mixed bag’ of a caretaker, through his.

“My point? You really weren’t capable of doing… anything other than what you did.” Dr. Mariah said, “At least under the effects of the spores themselves. While apologizing to people you’ve hurt is healthy, both for yourself and for them, apologizing for the ways you were hurt… you were incapable of taking care of yourself. There was nothing you could have done. Even if it feels like there was.”

Kaito, having taken his five minutes, came back, hearing the tail end of that… and headed over to Shuichi. Kissing the top of his head, and hugging his shoulders. “Sorry I got mad. Sorry for… lots of things. From back then. But I’m not mad at you. I just needed a minute.” 

Kissing the top of his head again, he went to sit with Kokichi again.

“We need to discuss your habit of trying to murder people in front of your family at some point.” Dr. Mariah, “I imagine that’s added some tension to communication.”

“Oh, shit, are we at that part already?” Kaito blinked, “I was gone for five minutes.”

Kokichi sighed and pressed a hand to his eyes, taking a brief moment to himself before offering Shuuichi a small, understanding smile. He reached over, giving Shuuichi a similar comforting squeeze on the shoulder. He didn’t hold any grudges over Shuuichi for his time on spores. Really...his biggest regrets from that time were not noticing sooner, and...well. He supposed they’d get to it when they talked about their sexual history, even if Shuuichi said that he didn’t regret it either…

As Kaito rejoined them, Kokichi nodded tiredly. “It...went quickly. I kinda...explained the stuff that went on earlier that day. With...Yasu and the brewery ‘n stuff…”

...it was hard talking about this. Those first few...fucking, months had felt like non-stop shit over and over and over… From the rocky start to his and Kaito’s relationship, Shuuichi and Maki’s exploitation, this whole thing, Kaede’s plan and Kokichi’s misunderstanding, the beach…

Kokichi let out a sigh, trying to bolster himself up for the rest of the session.

“Right, right… about that handcuff thing…”

“Kaito.” Dr. Mariah cautioned. “I understand your concern, but grilling him for details that specifically upset you won’t be helpful.”

Kaito, still fussing with his meditation stone… nodded. “Sorry. Nevermind.”

“A lot of the memories really just melt into each other after awhile.” Shuichi conceded, sighing. “For a long time, actually. Not just with Nao. Things get clearer over time, but...I have a really poor grasp of how much time actually passed. Everything that happened with Nao felt like it happened both all at once, and over weeks. But it was only… five days? Maybe? Start to finish… Hajime found me in my room, and everything was wrecked, and I asked him not to tell anyone, but to clean my room, because I couldn’t move and… I knew if Maki or Kaito saw it, they’d kill her. I knew they’d do that. I didn’t want her to die… I…” Shuichi’s shoulders slumped, this still being true, no matter how far from it he got, “...I loved her. I… cared about her a lot. I don’t know why. I mean, sure, she was giving me a lot of things I was addicted to, but I think a part of me really recognized she was… taking care of me? And I just… I was so grateful… I was so scared…”

Kaito, also, filed Hajime’s name away, though he didn’t comment this time.

That would be a… thing to think about later.

“Do you still have issues with these fears?” Dr. Mariah asked, looking between Shuichi and the others, “I feel like I’ve said this before, but trauma affects relationships. And considering that this was your… if I understand right? Your very first physical relationship?”

Shuichi nodded. “...I thought so, yeah. She’d probably say differently.”

“To go from that, to a relationship with you two… in what I can only assume, based on the pregnancy and how long ago this happened… had to have been a matter of weeks.”

Katio shifted uncomfortably, looking at the koi fish… before saying, “Days.” he thought about it, “...maybe two days.”

Dr. Mariah sighed. “...the circumstances, I’m certain, were extreme. I’m not trying to suggest otherwise. But that’s a difficult way to start a relationship… we’ll get into it. For now, fears? Shuichi, have you brought any concerns from your relationship with Nao to your relationship with Kokichi and Kaito?”

Shuichi thought about it, “... maybe more in the beginning? Kaito and Kokichi have tried so hard to be different from Nao. In every way. And it’s a pretty jarring difference. Nao… never really tried to be anything but… cruel and patronizing. She said she… when Maki and I… there was one day where Maki… oh god.” Shuichi groaned, putting his hand over his face, “God I can’t believe that actually happened… why did we do that?”

“Ah. Our mysterious fourth person.” Dr. Mariah said, though her tone wasn’t joking or teasing this time.

“Yeah, um… fuck, I wish this hadn’t happened… I wanted what was happening with Nao to keep happening. When everyone found out? I begged for Nao to stay in… to keep harming me. I guess I was convincing.” Shuichi mumbled, “Because what ended up happening was I… Kaito and Maki said I could keep seeing Nao, but if Maki was there to chaperone… during, and-”

Dr. Mariah ran a hand over her face. “...You all needed an adult.” the young looking woman said, general exasperation in her tone. “I know you’re all adults. But none of you have ever looked so young to me right now. None of you were ready to handle a situation like this… how old is this Nao person?”

Kokichi listened sadly. He and Shuuichi had had...a few conversations about that. About Shuuichi’s feelings for Nao. And for how horrible and disgusting she was to him...she was still the first person Shuuichi had ever been intimate with. She still...had refused to let him die in her care. So...there were going to be feelings associated with that. Kokichi accepted that...but it was still just...sad. Painful, in an empathetic way. 

...god, Maki had been there… Neither of them had ever really told Kokichi what happened that morning. Just that it had been short and left Shuuichi in tears and Maki walling herself away…

Kokichi closed his eyes. They were all so young...why did all of this happen to them…

“She’s 35,” Kokichi murmured. “...or...I guess 36 now.”

“...she should’ve known better.”

Dr. Mariah sighed, noting Kokichi’s anger, “...she should’ve. Honestly, someone should have intervened by this point, if not before this. If you all got to the point where the answer to these problems were to have a loved one sit in and watch what, if I understand right, was little more than ‘therapeutic’ sexual abuse?-- which, so you all know, if anyone tries to tell you they’ll fix you with sex again? Run far, far away from that person--... I’m sorry. I’m not trying to shame any of you. Again, those were terrible circumstances. But you needed help from people more put together and mature than yourselves, by that point. You weren’t ready for responsibilities like this.”

Looking to Kokichi again… “You sound angry. Understandably, but… she worked at the castle? Were you familiar with her?”

There was a moment of just...pure pain in Kokichi’s expression before he pulled himself together and nodded. “I knew her...pretty much my entire life. She’d been the librarian for...the past...seventeen years? Or, at least working as a librarian…”

“...she was someone I thought I knew,” Kokichi murmured. “She had never been afraid of...like, exploring the darker side of humanity, especially...i-in her books. She could take teasing too far sometimes. But I never thought that she… But she did.”

“She should’ve known better. But she just...decided not to. And Shuu-chan paid the price.”

Dr. Mariah looked around the whole group, and said gently, “I think you all suffered for these choices.”

“Before we go on? I really, really want to stress this… you all were not prepared for events like these.” She said, looking between the three men sternly, the child-looking woman trying to really get this into their heads, “You weren’t ready for anything like that. Unknown drugs mixed with first sexual experiences with foreigners trying to adjust to an entirely new land… none of you were ready to maturely handle a situation like this.” 

“On top of that, to have had an adult intervene in the situation and take advantage of her being the only one with experience in this group resembling anything close to what you were grappling with? ...I don’t want to say she did it on purpose.” she said gently, looking to Kokichi, than Shuichi, “... but the second she came in and took charge of resolving this situation? And took it in this direction? None of you stood a chance. Your absolute best bet of solving this problem without hurting each other was finding someone older and wiser than yourself to help you, and someone who was not ready for that stepped in to fill that role, and the second that happened, your group was sabotaged from finding real help.”

“...any damage that resulted from this?” She said sternly, gripping her journal, “This was not your fault. Any of yours. You all were victims in these circumstances. It was not your fault… do you understand?”

Shuichi was hiding under the cover of his hat… but there was shaking in his shoulders. Kaito looked at him and reached to put his arm around him, drawing him in, his own chest thumping, his other hand reaching for Kokichi’s again.

… it had all been so much… it had all been so god damn scary…

...none of them had wanted it. Shuuichi had made a desperate decision to save his and a friend’s life. It wasn’t a mistake and it wasn’t his fault. And everything that happened from there…

Kokichi held Kaito’s hand tightly as his face crumpled. Not shattering, though there was the shine of tears in his eyes. All they had wanted was to be good to each other...to figure out their new normal living together in Dicea. To help Shuuichi, once they found out that something was wrong. And...the people who were...who were adults, proper adults, in their lives, that were supposed to help didn’t. Just making their own mistakes. 

Kokichi let go of a huge, shuttering breath, closing his eyes though that made the tears spill over, but just one set. “...I can’t believe we all made it out of that… How was it just a few days? A few months? What...the fuck has this year been?”

“A fucking nightmare, babe.” Kaito muttered… before bringing Kokichi’s hand up to kiss it, and then leaning over to kiss Shuichi’s wet cheeks, “...but...a nightmare with a happy ending, at least…”

Shuichi nodded… before saying in a tight, still shaking voice, “...it didn’t feel like that. For a long time. I feel that way now but… this has been hard. This has been so hard.” Shuichi whimpered, wrapping his arms around his stomach and leaning forward, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s been hard, it’s been hard. I’ve wished so many times none of it happened. I’ve wished so many times none of it happened, even considering where it all led. I’m sorry. I wish I didn’t feel like that. It’s been so hard…”

Kaito gave Shuichi a distressed look, now just rubbing his back… before the lines eased out of his face. “...I know. It’s okay… I understand. I do. You… I have moments too. Where I wish things had been different. I’m sure we all have. You don’t have to be ashamed.”

“I-I’m sorry… I promise I love her…”

“I know, I know-”

“Let’s take five minutes. Just silence.” Dr. Mariah said, to the group. “Five minutes to let everyone collect themselves… Shuichi? Kokichi? Would you like to pet the koi fish? They’re very friendly.”

Shuichi was still crying… but nodded. “...kay.”

Sometimes...it made it harder that something good had come out of all of it. His relationship with Shuuichi, and Miyako… Sometimes, he just wanted to write the whole thing off, every terrifying, painful moment of it. But without that catalyst...who knows if Kokichi would’ve ever acted on his feelings for Shuuichi. The whole reason Miya was on her way was because Shuuichi was able to get pregnant because of the spores. 

Having something good meant...you had to carry that pain more at the forefront too. 

...Kokichi didn’t ever want to tell Miya the circumstances around her conception. 

Sniffling softly, Kokichi looked up at Dr. Mariah, before looking at the fish. ...petting a fish, how cool was that? Kokichi had said that fish could be affectionate…

“...thank you… That sounds nice…” 

Ever so carefully, Kokichi lowered himself to the ground, sitting with his legs to the side so he could reach into the pond easily. The water was cool...and as soon as he put a hand in, a koi almost the side of his forearm brushed against his palm, almost like...like Chase pressing against his legs to say hello. It was so smooth…

Kaito watched as Shuichi also shifted down, sitting next to Kokichi, but taking a moment to wipe his face, still trying to pull himself together. But, after a bit, he reached in and started running his hands along the fish as well, who, perhaps friendly, perhaps just associating hands with food, all immediately started rubbing themselves against his partners fingers. 

After a moment, Shuichi laughed, and Kaito knew that he never wanted anything more than to take care of them.

Of course, he had already known that, but… he had moments, and probably would keep having moments, like he said, where he wished it had all been different. Where none of it had happened. Where he himself was some...different person living some different life. Out having an adventure… or hell, even just back at Luminary, his family alive and well and not… everything they currently were. He had moments like that all the time.

...but he knew the truth was even if he could go back and do it over again, he’d still come back to this moment. Shuichi pregnant with his and Kokichi’s child, on a garden on the roof of an extremely strange but… incredibly helpful woman with the face of a little girl. His men playing with fish to ease the stress of recognizing how… painful this year had been, and how little opportunities they had actually had to save themselves from the worst of it.

He wanted to take care of them. Take care of Miyako and Timothy. Maybe take care of Maki again someday, if she’d ever let him. If he could ever bring himself to do so.

Kaito was okay with it, if that’s all his life ever amounted to… it was a worthy goal. Even if that was hard to remember, sometimes… this was worth it.

Change and agency was...difficult. No one person could hope to shape the world. But no one was completely helpless either. There were small changes you could make in your immediate sphere of influence that could change things, and, if enough people did the same, you all could make some pretty dramatic changes to the world around you. 

...but sometimes your choices were narrowed. And the people you could rally with were few. And no matter the small decisions you made along the way, the path you tumbled down was...more or less set by other factors. Leaving you feeling like you had just sort of...been there. Survived it. 

But it didn’t mean that things would always be that way. And sometimes the tiny choices that you had made would end up mattering in a different way. 

...it wasn’t their fault. But they could heal from it. 

For a little bit, Kokichi just pet the fish as he calmed down, eyes drying and soft, regular breaths coming easier. He probably wouldn’t have the strength to walk much for the rest of the day...but that was alright. He was one step closer to getting there. 

When he felt more centered, he looked up over at Kaito. “Hun, could you help me over to the sink?”

“On it!” Kaito said, hopping up and, first giving a hand up to Shuichi, who sighed and gave a small ‘thank you’, scooped up Kokichi. 

Dr. Mariah watched as the red head fussed and maneuvered both with them and around them like it was second nature, a constant movement as he placed Kokichi down in front of the sink to sort himself out, before immediately turning to Shuichi, waiting his turn, and immediately murmuring little assurances to him, pulling him into a hug and giving loud, obnoxious kisses, which Shuichi put up with like a champ. 

After a moment, they were all sorted, and brought back to the benches, Dr. Mariah tapping against her journal a bit, observing the men… “You all really needed a lot more help than you have received, before this. But, you’re on the other side of this, and have access to a considerable more amount of… reliable resources.” she sighed, tucking her long, black hair back. Honestly, they had very likely had access to those resources since the beginning, but each of them, for whatever reason, hadn’t felt like they could use them… likely another communication issue, but not one she thought was from their end. “I hope all three of you will keep that in mind. Secrets, not asking for help… not just between each other, but others outside of your relationship? It makes it easier for other people to take advantage of you. Dicea…”

She paused. Maybe she shouldn’t go into this, but… Luminaries did it so differently. Maybe this was something they needed to hear.

“Dicea forces a certain expectation of communication on its people to make people easier to manage. Secrets make it difficult to coordinate and protect people. I know, in Luminary, there is a certain sense of ‘the more people know about you, the more danger you’re in’, and perhaps, Shuichi and Kaito, that might make you in the habit of keeping yourself to yourself. Understandable. But in Dicea, if someone is trying to convince you to keep a secret? It’s because they are trying to take advantage of you in some way, not wanting others to be aware of what’s happening to you, so that they can’t help you or give you a heads up of the others intentions. It’s a different form of manipulation. As a detective and a prince? I’m certain you can learn these new rules and protect yourselves from that.”

Kaito frowned at that. “...that… that makes sense.”

Kokichi nodded softly. The whole structure in Dicea relied upon people helping each other. And that depended on communication. There were some secrets that were okay, but...in general? People were encouraged not to hide things or bottle them up. It helped eliminate resentment, and helped people who otherwise would’ve been looked over get help. There were a lot of people involved in various power structures, but they weren’t omniscient. Instead, if you had everyone looking out? Then nothing would be missed. 

And...that worked in more personal settings too. 

Kokichi had spent far too much of his life feeling isolated and thinking he didn’t have anyone to go to. And to a point, people just...let him do that, since he put up such a protest when they tried to interfere. 

...could he even imagine a world where he went to his father for help getting to know his new husband?

...what would’ve happened if he’d told people what Tengan had done to Maki?

Kokichi...couldn’t even guess, and only felt like that wouldn’t have been much of a solution either… 

But they were past all that. And now...they had new issues, and more people around them. 

Thinking for a moment, Kokichi looked over to his husband. “You and Waku-chan have deep conversations sometimes, right? Maybe...just opening up to one person is a good step in...being more open, I guess.”

“Waku?” Dr. Mariah asked, the name filling in her journal.

Kaito lit up a little, “A friend. Really cool chick, she sort of took it upon herself to look out for me when things were…” Kaito winced, “Bad.”

“For you three, that can mean so many things.” Dr. Mariah sighed.

“I was recovering from my own bout of despair pollen mania. I tried to kidnap Kokichi and Shuichi in a bout of mania, sooooort of got kidnapped myself for a second?” Kaito shrugged, “And I had this religious cleansing day that was soort of a struggle cause my shrine was just… wrecked… and Waku showed up to help! And, we’ve been friends ever since. She’s helped me through a lot, I owe her a lot.”

“That’s lovely.”

“She says she can feel people’s hearts from a distance.”

“Well.” Dr. Mariah shrugged. “No one’s perfect. But, yes. While the focus of our therapy is communication between each other, having healthy relationships outside of your healthy relationship can make or break you. If you three are struggling with a problem that feels overwhelming even between the three of you? It probably is. Seek help outside of your group when you need it.” she glanced at Shuichi, “And if you think that help comes with ill intentions or conditions? Then find additional help for that help.”

Shuichi hesitated… but nodded. That also made sense. “Okay… should I keep…?”

“You can say about Nao whatever you like, if you still have things to get off your chest. But we should discuss how this incident has affected your relationship as a trio. Especially considering one relationship directly bled into the other? The possibility there’s been no aftereffects is… unlikely.”

...Kokichi had never derided Waku’s claim but...lately…

(...he was starting to think she might have a point…)

Nodding slowly, Kokichi didn’t want to rush Shuuichi, but...well, he could help explain the transition a bit. “After we all found out what was going on--or, at least that something was going on, ‘cause none of us really knew what the spores were--we tried to have at least one of us with Shuu-chan all the time. So...that’s kinda how Maki-chan ended up...there. When Shuu-chan and Nao were together…”

...Kokichi still felt shitty about the house arrest they’d put Shuuichi under. Just the...complete lack of agency. At the time it had felt so necessary, but looking back...he wasn’t sure. 

But if Shuuichi still had things to say about Nao, he didn’t want to rush him past it. They’d take as long as they needed to talk about all this.

Dr. Mariah picked up on that. ‘All the time?’. Not unheard of for drug rehabilitation, but extremely difficult to do well among family without, well… building resentment and overstepping boundaries. She’d poke more at that later.

Shuichi almost wanted to stop. He had more things to say, but he felt a little… self-centered. They had been talking about him for awhile now…

Then he recalled having this exact conversation with Kaito not a half hour ago and how foolish that had sounded coming out of his mouth, so… so yeah.

“...you have to understand, I was really out of my mind. Like, genuinely… I had this… I basically…” Shuichi’s brow furrowed. A hurt, pained look in his face, “... she didn’t even want to do it. That’s what I figured out at the end. I… I pressured her. I basically… I basically… I made her… kind of… I mean… near the end? I thought we were in a real relationship. She kept telling me we weren’t in a relationship. She… she honestly found me disgusting, I think. I was disgusting… um… when she… the last time I was with her? I think this might literally be the last time I was with her, she told me… I don’t remember what she said.” Shuichi admitted, a heavy, sad lid in his gaze, shrugging slightly, a depression clearly settling over him. “Maybe she didn’t even say this. But, I remember leaving the session thinking she said that… that she had told me obvious lies. And that I had been stupid to believe it. I don’t actually think she said that. Maki wouldn’t have let her say something like that to me, I think… c-cause… that’s… that’s cruel, isn’t it? I… the lies didn’t feel obvious…”

Shuichi stared miserably at the koi fish, and said, “She called me… she said I was a whore. The first time. And I thought she was right... I looked like one… she said King Aiichi was going to send me back to Luminary if anyone found out what was happening. That made a lot of sense to me. I’d go back and be sent to the brothels because I was obviously made to be a whore… Kaito…” Shuichi twitched, the memories all leading back to one specific thing that had felt true and had hurt, “...I’m sorry that I let you down. That I didn’t protect you from Tengan, here or back home… she said I was a bad friend because I… didn’t protect you… that made a lot of sense too...”

“That is an obvious lie.” Kaito said simply, kissing the side of Shuichi’s face. “You took care of me all the time. You went and rescued Maki. I counted on you all the time growing up, and you were there every damn time. That’s an obvious lie… but she still shouldn’t have said it. It’s not your fault for believing her. She was just an asshole dude.”

“...thanks.” Shuichi said softly. “I can see the flaws in all the things she said now. It doesn’t hurt as much as it used too, thinking about it. Now it’s just things she said, rather then anything true, but… for a long time into our relationship, I still thought a lot of the things she told me were true. I felt… like I was making you both worse by being in a relationship with you. Like I was dirty and contaminating you. I kept just… waiting for you both to notice. That I was dirty… the thought kept bothering me for months. That one day you’d guys just look up and notice I was in bed with you and be horrified…”

“Does it hurt you to say that now?” Dr. Mariah asked. 

Shuichi paused… before shaking his head. “I really don’t believe it anymore, so no, it doesn’t hurt me to think that. Honestly, most of the Nao stuff only hurts just cause it hurts my feelings that she would do it. I think a part of me, even now, cares about her...I know it was all just some weird game to her, but I think there’s always a part of me that wants to think she actually cared about me… but that hope is the only thing that makes those memories still hurt the way they do. Cause if she had cared, why did she do all of that? She was already stressing me out and scaring me and she physically hurt me a lot… and she did these things that seemed like the whole point was to just rile me up more? Make me desperate for her to touch me? I just… I wish… I hope that she had a plan behind all of it. That she hadn’t done it for fun. It makes me feel better to think there was a point…”

“You didn’t make her,” Kokichi softly muttered. “She had a choice to stay or leave the whole time…” The only thing was that Nao hadn’t been all, oh fuck yeah, I get to fuck this guy who’s out of his mind, new to the country, new to freedom, and ten years younger than me. A token sentiment that she wasn’t literally as horrible as she could’ve been. 

Kokichi’s lips thinned as Shuuichi talked about all the shit Nao had filled his head with. Shuuichi had told him some of it before but...it was never great to hear. She had taken all his insecurities and just stabbed into them. Fear-mongering so...so Shuuichi wouldn’t try to find someone else who would actually let him kill himself...but also wouldn’t find someone who would help him without any of the shitty stuff Nao was doing. 

...Nao loved finding out what made people tick. What they were most scared of. The route she’d taken was...fucking tailor-made for her skillset. 

As Shuuichi mentioned feeling dirty...Kokichi frowned a little more. Knowing just how deeply that word could affect his partner. 

Huffing softly, Kokichi didn’t so much wrap his arms around his middle as just sort of rested them there. “I think she’s just shit at caring for people. So...if she did care, it didn’t come with the expectation of actually being good to you…” 

Kokichi’s words were...probably the most bitter he’d spoken of Nao in a long time. But this whole conversation, even with time to cool down in the middle, just...brought up the utter betrayal he felt towards her. 

Dr. Mariah looked between the two, a flash of sadness in Shuichi’s face, betrayal and anger in Kokichi’s, and Kaito… considering he was ready to punch a tree earlier, and needed a break halfway through Shuichi’s initial start? The Luminary Prince actually seemed far more calm now. His anger let go and more just concern in his eyes. It was almost funny. Like there was one angry brain cell between the three of them and they just kept passing it back and forth, Kaito able to calm down now that it was someone else's turn to be enraged.

“It doesn’t really make anything better, if someone cares about you as they hurt you. You’re still hurt. But I can understand why there’s such a large part of you that hopes there was something coherent in her actions. Incompetence can be easier to cope with than direct malice, sometimes. If she made a mistake, well, at least she tried. If she hurt you for fun, well… that’s incredibly cruel. I can see why you’d prefer the prior.”

Kaito laughed lightly, looking at Kokichi. “I swear, I’ve heard Kokichi say that exact same thing.” Kaito didn’t know if he really felt the same about it. He liked his villains simple and easy to hate, if he had to choose. But… as much as he simply hated Nao, if Shuichi found some comfort in the idea that she had been genuinely trying and had made a mistake? A series of… incredibly easy to avoid mistakes… Kaito would try to keep his mouth shut. He had already decided to try to be more understanding to Nao based on her affect on Kokichi’s life growing up. He’d just… quietly hate her. If it made things easier on them.

Pausing, waiting for Shuichi to continue, he seemed to be sort of collecting himself again. A deep sadness on him. Deciding maybe he needed a break, she turned to the other two. “...So. Your new boyfriend, fresh out of an abusive relationship, in the middle of recovery… that had to be hard on everyone. Can I ask, how did we get from Nao to you three? It doesn’t seem like the most natural progression, from an outsider looking in.”

“...” Kaito suddenly laughed. An embarrassed chuckle. “...It was Maki’s idea.”

Kokichi calmed slightly, the sentiment familiar in the way Kaito said, and...he gently nudged Kaito’s arm. Just...a moment of affection as he was trying to collect himself. As horrible as both options could be, as devastating the outcomes...when compared apples to apples...incompetence was better. Not that it was good. But that...it didn’t quite hurt as much. That it gave you a way to look forward, rather than giving up completely. 

Sighing, Kokichi knew this was coming, but...it really didn’t make it any easier. He closed his eyes, looking...kind of ashamed. Not for their time with Shuuichi, never that, but...the circumstances. “...Shuu-chan’s...drive was still heavily affected by the pollen. He...um. There were issues, of him...going solo. So…”

Kokichi opened his eyes, but his gaze was averted, cheeks growing pink though there was nothing sweet about his embarrassment. “...Maki-chan, in a desperate plan, just in case we ended up in that position...asked if Kai-chan would...help Shuu-chan. Kai-chan told me about it...and…”

“...I really...wasn’t in a...good...or confident place in my relationship with Kai-chan, at that point,” Kokichi murmured, barely more than a whisper. “...I was really scared. Of course I didn’t want Shuu-chan to suffer, but...the thought of Kai-chan going to him…”

“...I said no.”

Now Kokichi was genuinely hugging his middle, really...not enjoying remembering how he’d felt then. 

Kaito frowned, put his hand on Kokichi’s shoulder, and clarified, “He asked if we could try other options first. Which made sense. Maki’s an extreme personality, and her solutions tend to jump pretty quickly to last resorts… it was a reasonable request, to think things through.”

...that was true. But...Kokichi mostly just remembered that terrifying feeling that his husband was going to leave him. And feeling just...cruel and jealous to shoot down the idea. 

But there was more to get to the alternative they ended up with. 

Kokichi put a gentle hand on top of Kaito’s, just...braced by the contact. “...after that conversation...Shuu-chan almost killed himself.”

“A-an accident.” Shuchi quickly clarified. “It was an accident… I was… I was trying to get off. But it was an accident.”

Dr. Marah nodded, before saying sternly, “Understandable, but please, let Kokichi continue. You can both clarify after, if you have any concerns. No more interruptions. Kokichi, go on.”

Kokichi hesitantly nodded. “Sorry, I… Whenever Shuu-chan’s life was in danger...they weren’t really...suicide attempts. It was just...yanno, reckless behavior. So when I say that...I don’t mean...like...he was suicidal in the way you’d think about it for people not on spores...sorry.”

“But...yeah. And...we talked a lot, after that. About what to do, and how Shuu-chan’s treatment was going...if it was working, or having weird side effects… And sometimes, things were...almost okay. But...there was an evening...and Shuu-chan...had another accident. Trying to...get off.”

...Kokichi sighed. Really...not proud of this. Not proud of how horrible it had made Shuuichi feel about his personhood.

“...I was never...good at being close to people in my life. At that point...I really believed that Kai-chan and Shuu-chan and Maki-chan were the first and only friends I had…” Kokichi started, looking blankly down at the pond. “...but I liked Shuu-chan. Kai-chan and I were married, so I never really...dwelled on it much. Only really when Kai-chan would tease me about setting up dates between us, or we’d talk about how pretty Shuu-chan was…”

“...but...seeing that Shuu-chan was...being driven so crazy that he… And...I couldn’t...I couldn’t bring myself to suggest that he and Kai-chan...so…” Kokichi cringed into himself. “...so I suggested that the three of us be together that night.”

“...” Dr. Mariah pressed her lips together, tapping at her leg, clearly in thought. “...I feel like I need to ask a few questions that might be uncomfortable.”

Shuichi sighed, bracing himself. He was still really tired from talking about Nao, and he was worried he was going to make this incident sound more harmful than it had actually been as well… they really had taken care of hi-

“Kaito?” Dr. Mariah said, startling the man a bit. “Maki suggested that you sleep with Shuichi when his attempts at masturbation became inherently self-destructive.”

“Um… yes.” Kaito nodded.

“Why did she ask you?”

“Oh, um… probably a lot of reasons, that I can really only guess by this point. She trusts me, me and Shuichi are close… Maki didn’t feel comfortable doing it herself.”

“Shuichi? Did you at any point tell Maki if this was something you’d like to happen? How was this solution discussed with you?”

“With all due respect to my lovers? By that point I was seriously considering fucking horses as a possibility.” Shuichi said blankly. “I wanted it.”

“But did you ask for it? Or discuss it?”

“... I never said no. And I did want it. And I don’t regret it.” Shuichi insisted, “But, no, it wasn’t discussed with me as a possible solution.”

“I see… Maki asked you, Kaito, because it made her uncomfortable? Did the idea make you uncomfortable?”

“Oh, uh… nah. Not really. I mean, in how it’d affect Kokichi and Shuichi theseselves, yeah, but my relationship with sex is…” Kaito shrugged, “I’m kind of a known slut. If you’re gonna ask someone to sleep with you for a purpose, it really did make sense that I came to mind first.”

“I see… but you, before this, had recognized your new husbands fascination for Shuichi, and it sounds like you had been encouraging it.”

Kaito blinked… before suddenly looking uncomfortable. “...I… if you’re trying to suggest I planned all this, I really, really didn’t… I know how it all sounds, when you pick it apart like that. But it really did just kind of tumble together like that. It wasn’t set up beforehand.”

“...I believe you.” Dr. Mariah tasted the truth on him, “But I still think some of the emotions and personal feelings that led to these series of events are worth discussing… Kaito? May I ask you a direct question? And I can be wrong. It’s a genuine question.”

Kaito nodded.

“...did you want a relationship with Shuichi?” she asked, “Or did you want Kokichi to have a relationship with Shuichi?”

“...” Kaito paused… “...I wanted… Shuichi to not be hurt, anymore. Maki’s plan made sense to me. But I wanted to not hurt Kokichi helping Shuichi either. When Kokichi suggested we could help him together, I was thrilled and relieved… and, over time, it… did occur to me that maybe they were both… better relationship options for each other than I was. But… if you’re asking if I started this relationship with the intentions of getting them together? That I engineered this? I didn’t. We really just stumbled into it.”

Dr. Mariah nodded. “It’s important to know that sort of thing. Agency in how a relationship starts is important. No one should feel like they’re only in a relationship because someone else designed it that way, or tricked you into the process. I just wanted to be sure… though, even knowing a more full version of the events, there’s certain alarming aspects of it… when did this relationship actually start. The day you all decided to help him through his symptoms?”

Kokichi had been bracing himself for Dr. Mariah’s questions, but...well, for one, they weren’t directed at him, so that helped in calming him down. And...while they ended up going down a path he had never even considered--especially that...Kaito thought he and Shuuichi would be better together??--Kokichi did understand why Dr. Mariah would ask. 

She could be exasperated at all the crazy bullshit that happened to them but...she wasn’t there to judge them. Just to help them sort through all the complicated knots of their relationship. 

Kokichi figured there could be an argument that their relationship started when they had sex together, but...the day they all agreed and chose to be in a relationship?

“It was...two days later, I think,” Kokichi softly hummed. “We were traveling, on the way to the coast to go on vacation. Kai-chan and I talked about...the nature of the relationship between the two of us, how we felt about Shuu-chan, and...what each of us wanted in the future. And we decided to ask Shuu-chan if he wanted to be in a relationship with both of us.”

“And we did ask him...and he said yeah.” Kokichi paused there, trying to think about the whole situation again. Finally looking up at Shuuichi, he gave his boyfriend a gentle look. “...I love you a lot, and I don’t really wanna think about a world in which we didn’t get together, but…you had barely been starting to recover, had gone from Nao to us really rapidly, and...we were just starting a week-long trip together. Did...we pressure you into agreeing?”

Shuichi blinked. “...was that only two days later?”

He was genuinely dumbfounded. Holy shit his whole concept of time from that period was fucked. He had thought it had been at least a week. At least. Two days!?

“What is wrong with us?” Shuichi mumbled, running a hand over his forehead. “What were we, fourteen year olds in our first relationship?? Why did we go so fast?”

“You were on drugs and you and Kokichi were basically both just in your first relationships.” Kaito pointed out, “And I’m a horny, reckless idiot.”

“Ugh…”

Dr. Mariah raised an eyebrow at all this, but said, “Shuichi? Did you feel pressured?”

Shuichi shook his head. “No, that’s the thing, I really didn’t. I’m mostly just making fun of our choices as a collective. I was… really happy that they had asked. Even if, in retrospect, they…” Shuichi gave Kokichi and Kaito openly annoyed looks, “You waited till the first day of a week long trip where I was stuck in the same carriage as you for a majority of it? To ask me? Your timing is terrible! ...we didn’t even sleep together on that carriage! Why didn’t you just wait!?”

Kaito laughed, recognizing that Shuichi’s anger was more exasperation than actual anger. “I don’t know, man, we were excited. We got caught up!”

“You’re both dumb.” Shuichi chastised, shaking his head, “That could have gone so bad. God, you’re both dumb.”

Kokichi nodded tiredly. Just kind of...everything? But especially at the beginning, everything happened way too fast. He was trying really hard to get his shit together, repairing the relationships he had with people and examining all the harmful ways he’d been thinking and treating himself, and just...trying to be ready to be a dad. 

But sometimes Kokichi had to recognize that he was 20 (though almost 21 now) and had gone from zero to a hundred in his life in a matter of months. 

Too quickly. Everything had happened too quickly…

“We were really excited,” Kokichi sighed, though there was a tinge of fondness as he remembered something that was much happier. “But really dumb. This is...so much of an exaggeration, lemme preface, but if you had turned us down, I probably would’ve spent the entire travel time trying not to sit in a corner and sulk. Instead, I got to hold your hand a lot, which was awesome.”

Annnnd Kaito was used as a table for dessert. Which Kaito had thought was also awesome. Though, he wasn’t gonna say that in front of Dr. Mariah.

“So dumb.” Shuichi sighed, shaking his head, “...but it really is one of my happier memories, from this early part of the year. There weren’t a lot of happy moments for… for a really long time, when I first arrived in Dicea. But my relationship with Kokichi and Kaito has been the center for nearly all of them. So, while I know how this relationship started was bad and… and sometimes I get frustrated. Thinking about how it happened.” Shuichi confessed, “The frustration only comes from the method, not the result. I’m genuinely happy with how it turned out, I just… I get moments where… where I just get frustrated… with everything. With all of it. I wouldn’t change that we all got together, but I still get frustrated with it.” Shuichi confessed, sighing. “And… and I feel bad, that I feel that way…”

“Understanding ways we’ve hurt each other and discussing it makes it much simpler to not repeat those mistakes in the future… and there can just be a catharsis in expressing your pain.” She said gently, “Why something made you feel bad, how it can sometimes still affect you. It’s worthy of discussion. For all of you.” She said, looking to the rest of the group. “I know there's an impulse to measure up your pain to someone elses’ and decide yours isn’t worth discussing because it’s seemingly smaller. That’s not helpful. If it bothers you, it’s worth discussing…”

She glanced at the clock. They still had plenty of time. She refocused. “Let’s recap, a little… we’ve discussed a lot about accidentally harming each other, today. Accidentally harming each other with our pain, and the expression of it… of lacking expression of it. Of sometimes just needing to express it in a place where you feel safer.” she said, gesturing to the roof garden around them, “Of how other people stepping in and taking control of the situation can lead to more pain… the pain of rushing when you should have taken your time, or not feeling like you have agency in the discussions of your relationship… most of this therapy has been some variation of ‘I was hurt, and it still bothers me’.” 

“Which, by the way? Is an incredibly normal reaction. You three have been hurt maybe… a little bit more than the average person does in a year. Because your lives are ridiculous and barely comparable to anyone elses I’ve ever worked with. But being hurt and not being entirely over the pain, even a long time later, is normal. And you all should feel comfortable talking about it, in healthy, non-abusive ways. So… here’s what we’re going to do next.”

“Instead of me asking questions? You three are going to have a conversation about times in your life where you were hurt. I’ll still mediate, but I want this conversation to be led by you three. Times you were hurt, that don’t necessarily need to be ‘solved’. You just… want to safely talk about them. Just to get it off of your chest. Do you think we can handle that?”

Kokichi...really understood what Shuuichi meant. Their daughter, their relationship, all the happy moments they spent together, feeling like the world was just right...Kokichi was grateful for it all. But all of the pain that led to those things...of course Kokichi would’ve wanted to spare it. But...it was just part of their history now. Something that hurt, but...they could accept, and embrace the happiness that came after. 

Maybe that was the goal of looking at all past pain. Unless there was something still hurting you, there was nothing to do about it. You couldn’t change the past. But getting yourself to the point where you could look forward without completely ignoring the past...embracing happiness, while acknowledging your pain and struggles. It was its own sort of balance. 

Kokichi nodded a bit to Dr. Mariah’s proposal, glancing to his partners. “We can do that. We’ve even done it in the past and...even today. Um…”

...but what did he want to talk about? What did...he need to get off his chest? He already kinda exploded about his feelings about the Cedar situation, and that...had actually been cathartic, but...Kokichi didn’t think he had anything left to say about it.

...they had talked a lot about his pain. A lot. To the point Kokichi kind of felt like giving his partners the room to speak up first...but they had just talked about bringing things up and not bottling it, and he didn’t want to not contribute, but…

“...I-feel-really-shitty-about-being-upset-you-broke-my-desk,” he quickly blurted out, having worked himself up a little trying to decide what and if he should talk.

Shuichi, briefly, looked confused, “...I broke your desk?”

Kaito, who was not confused, couldn’t help but smile at that a bit, before putting a hand on the back of Shuichi’s neck and squeezing it affectionately, “No, handsome, he’s talking to me. The… the incident with Nao?”

Shuichi nodded, right. Right. The cracking sound. He had forgotten about that. He just remembered… trying desperately to get past Maki… “Yeah… I didn’t feel very good about that day either. I… I begged you not to do that, Kaito…”

Kaito nodded, running a hand through his hair. Okay, okay… he had this. One step at a time… Kokichi first, he brought it up first. Looking to his husband, he gave him a soft, if somewhat sad grin. “...I have a lot of regrets from that day, but let’s… why do you feel bad about it, ‘Kichi? I don’t think I ever apologized to you for it… that right there is a damn good reason to still be upset about it.”

...Shuuichi’s feelings about that day were exactly why Kokichi felt horrible about the desk, specifically. He and Kaito had talked about the other stuff so...after enough time...Kokichi was able to lay it to, at least somewhat, rest. But...not the desk. 

...an apology...actually sounded like it’d feel better.

Kokichi sighed, hugging around himself again. “...there were a lot of horrible things about that day. Things that I felt unconscionably guilty or upset about at the time, and after but...we have talked about it before. But we never talked about my desk...never even acknowledged it? And for good reason! It was just...a piece of furniture, and there were so many more things that mattered more.”

“...but as other things settled…” Kokichi sighed again, just...frustrated with himself for feeling this way. “I just...became pissed that for...no reason you shoved my desk over, shattered the mirror, and ripped a leg off it. Other people cleaned it up, then one day there was just...a new desk there.”

“And it is a nice desk! I appreciate Maki-chan setting it up for us! But...it just kind of felt like…’oh, there, so it never even happened, right?”

Kokichi shook his head. “...I know it’s dumb. That...that you can get so angry you kind of lose your mind? That you almost killed someone, just shoving us all out of the room? That…” Kokichi hesitated, swallowing nervously. “...that I screamed at you to stop, and...when Shuu-chan did the same you didn’t listen...all those matter way more. But...this is just the dumb thing my mind won’t let go…”

Kaito sighed, idly popping his pinky joint a little, just… trying to work out what he could say.

“...I… I shouldn’t have destroyed your desk, Kokichi. That was…”

“...” Kaito sighed. “... honestly? I knew it was a shitty thing to do when I did it? And I literally did it thinking I’d never have to deal with the repercussions of it, cause… I really thought I was going to end up…” he waved his hand vaguely, “‘raising a garden’. After that.”

“When I pushed you all out of the room, I wasn’t planning on things just… going back to normal, after that. My whole thought process was ‘they might go easier on me than Maki’. One of us had to do it, and one of us was a prince to two different kingdoms. If there was going to be a bias in either of our favors, mine felt like better odds.” Kaito said, the words just… matter of fact. Though, he had the decency to look ashamed as he said, “I knew destroying the room… scaring the shit out of you. Ruining our relationship… I was really expecting killing Nao to be the end of me living in the castle, period, let alone continuing life as a free person. And, because I thought I was going to be arrested? I just… made a bunch of hurtful decisions that I didn’t think I’d ever have to… stick around to be accountable for.”

“And then… the next day? That night? I was… still there. And things were still happening. Nothing had… ended.” Kaito mused, a far away look on his face… before chuckling grimly to himself. “I really was a coward… I didn’t have to worry about Shuichi screaming at me to stop. I didn’t have to worry about traumatizing you, Kokichi. I wasn’t going to be around to see the consequences, so I just… did whatever. And I didn’t know how to fix anything when the consequences came anyway. So… that was… really shitty of me.”

“...” Bowing his head low to Kokichi, Kaito said, “I apologize for the desk. I shouldn’t have broken it. More than that, I apologize for… making this huge, impossible mess in your life, and then trying to skip out on helping you all fix it. I was angry and being selfish and self-centered. It’s… in retrospect? Honestly one of the shittiest things I’ve done to you. It makes sense that it still bothers you after all this time. I’m deeply sorry.”

The thing was...not all murderers ended up in isolation. Lake didn’t, because...well, she was a young child, and had killed in self-defence. Even if she didn’t regret it...even then she wasn’t of the opinion that if people hurt you, they needed to die. There were no generalizations. No moral lines being drawn. She just...simply didn’t regret certain actions she took and...they weren’t going to be an indication of anything else. 

Nazumi didn’t, and while she certainly regretted the lives she took now, at the time of her arrest she didn’t, and that was an indication of how she saw people as a whole. However, she had just been put into house arrest, essentially. If she had been put into actual isolation, her mental health would’ve worsened even more than the sorry state it had been put into. 

Katsuki didn’t. She felt no certain way about the people she had killed, and no certain way about people in general. But while there wasn’t anything in particular in her mind that separated the people she had killed from people at large...she didn’t want to kill anymore. None of her hits had been her decision. If given a choice, Katsuki saw no reason to kill, even if someone had hurt her, or was hurting others. And because of her job these days, she had even more reason not to kill. 

Kokichi knew murderers. He didn’t agree the idea that people should ever take the lives of others...but he didn’t see murderers as…’other’. That there was something stained or sullied or broken about them. They were just people all the same, and had to have their circumstances looked at with all the nuance they had, just like anyone. 

But...Kokichi had never heard of someone killing and just...accepting that that was it. They’d be sent to isolation. Because...isolation was for the people who had given up trying to make their own lives better. 

Granted, Kaito likely didn’t know all that at the time, but...he had still given up. On the grounds of honor and rage, he had decided to give up. Leaving the rest of them to try picking up the pieces. 

Kokichi’s shoulders dropped as he let out a breath that...felt like it had been in him for a long time. He hadn’t wanted Kaito to give up. Kokichi didn’t know how to do everything on his own. 

“...thanks, Kai-chan. I...I think I can accept your apology. ...I’m really glad you stayed around.”

Kaito nodded at that, oddly enough, a… deeply sad smile on his face at that. “Of course.” He said, though he chuckled sheepishly as he said, “If you want, though, you have total permission to break some of my stuff next time. Like, go ham! I’ve got not room to argue!”

Dr. Mariah considered gently reminding the two Shuichi had also had an issue from that day, but realized she didn’t have to as Kaito, immediately looked to Shuichi next. Sadly smiling at him too, as Shuichi looked back. Quiet, just… waiting.

Shuichi considered him for a moment. “...why did you ignore me?”

“... cause I just… I was so angry, Shuichi… I was so angry… and I was so tired.” Kaito said quietly. “I’m so tired of watching people hurt the people I love and not being able to do anything about it. I just wanted to… finally get some revenge and then… just stop. Just a moment of satisfaction, and then… nothing more to do. It was selfish. It was so selfish. I owed you better than that, so much better, and I just… gave into my selfish impulses. And I ignored you.”

“...why did you stop?”

Kaito grinned sadly… before shrugging. “I have… no idea.”

...it was another point of intense guilt for Kokichi, even though he and Kaito had...made the point as square between them as it could be. Even so, Kokichi could only look away, that guilt gnawing at him, like a tiny mouse at the very corner of Kokichi’s being. 

...Kaito stopped, because he had been conditioned to obey people higher in his hierarchy. Or...something similar to that, that Kokichi didn’t and would never know the exact details of. Kokichi had said stop, so...Kaito stopped. Despite his own wishes, and not because of Shuuichi’s. 

...and it just felt worse, because for how much Kokichi hated Kaito’s conditioning and was unfathomably thankful that somehow his husband was breaking it...if Kokichi hadn’t triggered it? Nao would be dead. 

...Mr. Brockman would’ve died earlier. 

(“I’m so sorry, Kai-chan…”) Kokichi’s...soul, almost, whispered out. 

“Was it because…” Shuichi hesitated, the accusation feeling so petty now, but, “...Kokichi asked you to stop?”

Kaito sighed, scratching his cheek. “I guess? I guess so, yeah…”

Shuichi waited and… his shoulders fell a little when he realized that was all Kaito felt like saying in that moment. And not feeling any better, he insisted on continuing, “... do you respect Kokichi more than me?”

“No.” Kaito said easily.

“...did you?”

Kaito let out a small, almost frustrated breath… “I suppose so. I didn’t think I did. I… I hadn’t meant to. I loved you Shuichi. Having that woman tell us what she did to you like… like it was nothing… I had never been more ready to throw my whole fucking life away, than in that moment. Because of how insulted I was, that she would do that to you. Would tell us like…” Kaito grit his teeth, some of that old anger coming back. The sheer lack of… fucks she gave. Both in the confession, and when he had approached her, fully intent on killing her. Like it hadn’t mattered. That fucking… creature who just stared back at him, dropping that fucking evil in his life and was so fucking soulless and empty that it didn’t even matter if she died over it.

Sometimes that hatred came back so intense that Kaito could barely sit in it. Fear would have at least made her human. There had been nothing there. Just a husk that had hurt them. She barely even looked like a person, in Kaito’s memories of her. An empty, ugly, evil thing that had fucking dared touch Shuichi.

Kaito regretted not being more considerate to Kokichi and Shuichi.

Kaito regretted not getting that desk leg into her empty, ugly fucking eyes.

And that was largely why Kaito was struggling to explain himself to Shuichi. Because he hadn’t really decided to not kill Nao. He had just stopped. And, yes, he had stopped because Kokichi said stop, and in that moment, it had made sense to him. But not because he respected Kokichi’s opinion. Not because Kokichi had been right. Not because of… anything, really.

He had just stopped.

“...I did it because Kokichi’s higher on the hierarchy, again.” Kaito settled on, giving Shuichi a guilty look. It didn’t feel true. It wasn’t the same feeling he had when he had decided to stay at the wedding… but Shuchi deserved some explanation, and Kaito had nothing else to offer him. “And, again, that was… not fair to you, Shuichi. It was my head, just… being cruel to you. I should have stopped when you asked me too. I shouldn’t have started in the first place. I put too much at risk, trying to satisfy my own bloodlust. It was unfair to both of you. I’m… really sorry, that I ignored you Shuichi.”

Shuichi gave Kaito a tired look. “...I want your respect, Kaito.”

“You have it.”

“I better.” Shuichi suddenly growled, eyes narrowing. “...I forgive you. But if you ever do that to me again… I’m not some lesser part of your relationship. I won’t date someone who sees me as less. Never again. I’m tired of that.”

Kaito’s eyes widened, slightly, in alarm at that… before he bowed his head and nodded, “You won’t have to. I swear it.”

Shuichi relaxed after a moment. Nodding.

Kaito wouldn’t have stopped for anything. The only reason he did...wasn’t fair. 

...but they could talk about something close enough that Kaito could form a real apology, and Shuuichi could air his feelings. 

“...that’s a good boundary to have,” Kokichi murmured, finally pulling his gaze back up and offering Shuuichi a small smile. “Shuu-chan deserves proper respect and consideration.”

...which everyone did, especially when it came to your intimate partners, romantic or not, but...it felt right to be said to Shuuichi. Someone who had been denied those things over and over in his life. 

So had Kaito, really, but in a different way. Maybe that was a conversation for another time. 

“Excellent start. Respectful, important… Kaito?”

Kaito groaned, rubbing the back of his neck, “I know, I know, it’s my turn. Sorry, I didn’t have a chance to think about it. I spend a lot of time apologizing for stuff. A lot of my actions have like… shitty consequences on you guys.” Kaito chuckled grimly. “Guess that’s what happen when you go around punching people and, like… being generally crazy, I guess.”

“You’re not crazy.” Dr. Mariah said sternly. “Which means you have responsibility for your actions.”

“Ugh, that’s the woooorsst.” Kaito groaned with a small chuckle. “Ugh…”

But, after that, there was silence. Kaito thinking about it, just.. .staring at the pond. Something that… upset him? That bothered him.

“... there is something that bothers me every now and again. It’s kind of a really… shitty feeling? And… I don’t know if there’s anyone to really blame for it? It’s not your guys’ fault, it’s probably not anyone’s fault, it’s just… been a tough year and… it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to, but it does bother me sometimes a little… ugh, I’m rambling.” Kaito muttered.

There was silence… with the exception of the sounds of the city around them. Which… Helped.

“...I… I’ve…” Kaito sighed. This was going to be stupid. Or worse, actively harmful, to either them or, frankly, himself. “...ever since we’ve moved here, I feel like I get told over and over and over again how much being alive sucks.” Kaito finally just said. A deeply sad look on his face as he shrugged. “Like… like existing is some sort of punishment inherent in itself? And I just… never thought like that before coming here. And now I’m… kind of convinced? And it sucks, because… I never used to feel like this before? Ya know? I never…. M-maybe it’s just because this years been so hard… but I kinda get it now, ya know?” Kaito said quietly, his eyes reddening, just finally admitting to something he had been struggling with for… awhile now. “Like… like sometimes I think maybe… I keep finding myself in these moments where I think all is lost and there’s nothing more I can do and like… this sense of relief… I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I just… I can’t seem to get away from it, here. And it’s… it’s been hard… I don’t know.”

“Kaito.” Dr. Mariah said carefully, “Are you telling us you’re suicidal?”

Kaito looked uncertain about that. “I don’t know… I guess what I’m saying is being alive seems less… valuable, now. If that makes any sense… like things would just be easier if I was dead…”

Of all the things Kokichi knew about his husband (and there were some things he didn’t even realize he knew) this was...new. And...painfully, horribly painfully relatable. 

Kokichi’s eyes widened, remembering...all sorts of occasions where he had tried to explain why, even though they didn’t have executions, punishments in Dicea were still considered something that people wanted to avoid. His own depressed and suicidal rants, more than what Kokichi was proud of screamed or wailed at Kaito. It was scary enough hearing that from someone you loved. But...if you started to believe it too?

Kokichi’s gaze softened into a painful empathy as he gently brought his arms around Kaito, hugging him close. “Oh, Kai-chan… I’m so sorry…”

“...I know that I’ve been...really unfair to you, when my depression decides to kick it up a notch. It...it feels so awful, doesn’t it. I’m sorry for being another voice saying that sort of thing to you…”

A sigh, and Kokichi pulled back a little, though he kept a hand on Kaito’s back. “I know it doesn’t always help to...to hear someone just go ‘oh, that’s not true, life is wonderful’. But...those kinds of feelings, like...dying is easier. Better. But they don’t last forever, and...things do get better. There’s a lot that life is worth…”

“...when you’re feeling down, would you want to talk about it?”

Kaito sighed. “I don’t think I’m actually suicidal. Nothing I’d ever act on. I just...view being alive now differently. And it fucks with me sometimes.”

Honestly, Kaito couldn’t remember the last time someone told him life was worth living. He couldn’t empathise with Kokichi’s annoyance with the usual advise, because… no one talked like that with Kaito. He was surrounded by people who didn’t feel that way… except maybe Maki. And if he went to Maki about this, she’d probably look at him like he was an idiot and tell him to get his shit together.

… he kind of wished Maki was around to tell him that. He’d probably have an easier time of it just… talking to someone who didn’t think dying was some big relief, for a little while. He just… literally didn’t know anyone like that, right now. Not someone he’d feel comfortable having a conversation like that with in the first place, anyway.

Though… well, again, it had been a tough year. Really tough… maybe he did just temporarily feel like this, and it would get better? And if that was the case… “Yeah, if it’s not going to hurt you guys? I guess when it gets in my head like that, it’d help to talk about it… I just… I just don’t want to put death in the both of yours head, ya know? I get fucking sad and down about things, but I really don’t think I’d ever hurt myself. You guys…” Kaito shrugged sadly, “Might. I don’t want to be the reason you’re thinking about it.”

Dr. Mariah was debating with herself. “...have you told Miss Crystal about this yet?”

Kaito shook his head. “I haven't told anyone until just now.”

“...as one of your therapists, Kaito? For your health and safety, I want you to have a sit-down session with Miss Crystal right away to talk about this. Just in case. Will you promise me you’ll set up for an emergency appointment as soon as possible, and you will talk about it?” 

Kaito looked a little wary at that, “...Okay.”

“Please actually do so. It’s important. I will be following up on that.” Dr. Mariah said sternly.

Kaito nodded. “Okay.”

Shuichi suddenly groaned, “Good. Cause I am not looking forward to beating you up. I’m too pregnant for that.”

Kaito chuckled at that. “I’ll hold really still, if it helps?”

“I’m gonna use my tasers. Shove it down your throat.” Shuichi grumbled. “We can’t all be suicidal. Two people is the limit. Gonna knock the depression right out of you.”

Kaito shuddered at that. “Maybe don’t beat me, uh… exactly like that. Please? Thanks.”

Maybe that was true. You could definitely be depressed without being suicidal. 

But the thing was...you only had to be suicidal once. So even if you never got to that point...it paid to be prepared. To talk with a therapist, and be honest with your loved ones, and, if you needed it and a doctor cleared you, get medical help too. 

Kokichi had started taking antidepressants months ago, and while he still had bad days, they were fewer and more brief, and generally less intense. Really...these days Kokichi found the prospect of dying terrifying. He had so much to do and so much to live for… He was going to make it to eighty, after all. 

Rubbing Kaito’s back a bit still, Kokichi nodded, glancing over at Shuuichi. “I think we can be honest if we can handle that kind of discussion at any given time. Sometimes, it really might be that we can’t...but then we’ll know to look for help beyond the three of us.”

And getting outside help just in general would help too. ...Kokichi wanted to help, and he could empathize, but...real help would best come from a therapist. It would make Kokichi feel better to know Kaito was talking about his depressive feelings with a professional. 

Even joking, though, the thought of a taser baton going down someone’s throat… Kokichi grimaced, and apparently Kaito wasn’t a fan of that imagery either. 

“Kinda...speaking about that, though… Have you talked to Miss Crystal about your depression, Shuu-chan?”

Shuichi nodded. “A little. We talk about what it was like when I was in high school, and the coping methods I taught myself since then… high school was the only time in my life where it was a serious possibility. Even on the pollen, I wasn’t actively suicidal… though, I do sometimes still get those depressive episodes that led to the worst of it. She’s always asking about it, and I think her thought process is just to keep an eye on it, but… my coping techniques already work for me. I already journal, I talk to other people during the worst of it, I occupy myself...I’ve never gotten back to the ‘maybe I’ll poison myself today’ phase. So it’s never really the whole focus on any particular session.”

“Can I ask what you do talk about, Shuichi?” Kaito asked, “Miss Crystal’s always talking to me about my family and how I grew up. Outside of my fears of the future, that’s, like, most of what we talk about.”

“Nao, a little. I’ve talked a lot about the despair pollen and moving to Dicea and my thoughts about being an Indentured… I talk about Maki a lot. And Kaede.” Shuichi shrugged, “More than I thought I would. Turns out I have a lot of resentment, there.”

“I know it’s gonna be for different reasons, but man, same.” Kaito sighed.

Dr. Mariah tilted her head curiously at this. “... do the three of you have something to get off your chest about your mysterious fourth friend?”

Both Kaito and Shuichi hesitated. Looking at each other, uncertain… what was okay to say, in general, and what they were willing to say around each other.

Kokichi relaxed a little. The last time they had really spoken about it, Shuuichi was still somewhat skeptical about his sessions. But...Kokichi was still glad Shuuichi had a professional to talk to. Someone without the baggage Kaito and Kokichi had. 

...which was why they hadn’t really...talked all that much about Maki. 

Sensing his partners’ hesitation… It wasn’t so much getting it off his chest. But...it was something to say to broach the subject. 

“...I really miss her,” Kokichi softly started. “I know why she left, I understand her reasons, and I knew I would. But...it’s been a lot harder than I anticipated. And...I’m worried about her.”

For this...Kokichi wasn’t even entirely sure why. But there was a picture of tired red eyes in his mind. Fierce as ever, but...tired. 

“...honestly, I’m kind of expecting her to scoff and call me a worrywort, but...I am. I just...don’t know what to expect when she comes home, and… I think she’ll be alright. But I’m worried.”

There was silence for awhile… before Shuichi said, “I just want her to stop.”

“I’m tired of her… needing to fix everything. And then, once she’s done it, she moves onto the next thing. She’s exhausting, and she’s been like this since we were kids, and even when she’s gone, I still lose sleep over her. She… she brings all this drama into our lives! Constantly! I just want her to calm down.” Shuichi huffed, closing his eyes, “And I feel terrible for saying that. Because she also works really, really hard to bring peace into our lives too. Like, literally the exact same qualities in her that make her want to make us feel safe and secure are the exact same qualities that makes her decide she’s just gonna… send us thirty children to look after! And a secret baby to take responsibility for! And a whole country that somehow we have to fix. It’s… so frustrating.” Shuichi hissed. “Why can’t she just calm down and let go of this idea that she can strong arm the universe into being a certain way?”

“Yeah… I get frustrated with Maki’s… go get’em stuff too.” Kaito murmured. Though, for her safety, he couldn’t explain why he got frustrated. He didn’t actually know how much people knew about Maki’s involvement in the war. Kaede and Byakuya and probably most anyone who was anyone important knew, considering Maki was being used as a recruiting tool for the war when it came to other indenturdes, but… Kaito still didn’t want to risk rumors getting around that might put her in danger anyway. “...I think… I gotta have a serious talk with her about Timothy too… if she ever decides to come back, I don’t want her to… I don’t like all of the lessons she teaches him. I get why, and, like, maybe not that long ago I would have even agreed? But… he’s not some little assassin to be or soldier anymore. He’s my kid. I don’t want her telling him he’s still got… responsibilities outside of just doing his homework and stuff.”

Dr. Mariah nodded, “Parental disagreements are always tough conversations to have. It’ll be an important one though, once she’s… back from vacation. If you need help navigating it? Please feel free to utilize me… as a separate thing from this relationship, of course.” Dr. Mariah smirked.

...he got it. Their talk about sacrifice so long ago, on their mountain trip… Kokichi understood the feeling of...seeing something wrong in the world, and not being able to rest until it was solved. It was a feeling he was slowly trying to ease up on because…

It was admirable to want things to be better. The world got better because of idealists, and the people who put those plans into motion. But neither he nor Maki were just a figurehead. They weren’t just the people speaking inspiring words to the masses. They had a family. Personal lives. And constantly thinking about the world at large meant the people right in front of you suffered from your absence. 

Kokichi didn’t want Maki to give up her ideals for the world. But...for all their sakes, he hoped she could lower her gaze a little. 

Especially for someone she had taken on direct, personal responsibility for. 

Kokichi gave Kaito a concerned look. He probably could’ve guessed some of the ideas Tim had gotten from Maki, but...well. They all had some issues with personal responsibility. 

...was that why Tim didn’t want to go to camp with his friends?

Kokichi sighed. “I have a feeling we’re gonna be having...a lot of conversations when Maki-chan comes back.”

“I’m so curious to meet her. If she’s not seven feet tall and constantly bending swords, just, as a way to keep her hands occupied, I’m going to be terribly disappointed.” Dr. Mariah sighed, “The way you talk about her makes her sound quite… intimidating.”

“Ugh.” Shuichi groaned, while Kaito laughed.

“If you’re expecting all that, I think you’ll be disappointed. She’s actually very sweet… in her own way.” Kaito conceded, shrugging… “I miss her a lot.”

Shuichi blinked past the umbrella, into the deep blue sky. “...yeah.”

Kokichi snorted softly. “I think if she could be seven feet tall and bending swords she would...but probably not, ‘cause it’d be a waste of a good sword. Maki-chan takes good care of her weapons.”

...the conversation had gone a lot of places. Maybe that’s all they had to say today. But...in the interest of being open…

Kokichi eyes were on the pond, but there wasn’t a downcast energy to them. He was just...watching the fish. “...Shuu-chan? I...don’t think I can handle hearing the specifics of what Nao did to you. Maybe another day I will be but...right now I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Shuichi looked startled at that, a… curiously guilty expression running across his face, before he forced it off of himself. Looking stern as he said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say so much… I got caught up talking about it. I’m sorry Kokichi.”

Kokichi looked up, similarly surprised before, instead of guilt, he just smiled at his boyfriend. “You’ve said what you needed to, and...like, yanno, it’s not exactly pleasant hearing all that? You haven’t...overstepped, or anything. Everything you’ve said so far I’ve been able to...er, handle as much as I think is reasonable…” Kokichi scratched his cheek for a moment, thinking of his tears, the break they needed to take. 

“I’m glad that it’s something we’re starting to talk about. But...more than what’s already been said...about the stuff that you guys did together…” Kokichi sighed, his smile falling a bit. “...I just...can’t take it right now. If it’s stuff you need to get off your chest too...then I’ll try to get to where I can listen, but that isn’t today.”

“Oh, I mean… thank you. But I don’t think…” Shuichi hesitated. He hadn’t been planning to tell them about… the actual sexual stuff… a lot of that had been really, genuinely humiliating, and…

“I’d want to hear about it.” Kaito suddenly said. A blank look on his face.

Shuichi sighed, “Kaito… you’ll just upset yourself, it’s fine-”

“No, it’s not. I…” Kaito huffed, closing his eyes, a tension in his shoulders, “...I don’t actually like, not knowing. I hate this idea that there’s… all these things that happened to you that you’re just carrying by yourself. Especially when I’m…” he glanced at Dr. Mariah, hesitating… before furrowing his eyebrows, “I make a lot of decisions, when it… when it comes to our sex lives. And, fuck, god knows I’ve hurt you guys by making some seriously wrong choices. I hate the idea that something I could do on some fun-intended whim tomorrow could remind you of something she did. I hate this idea that she’s got all these awful little things in your head that are still potentially there because no ones ever been able to refute it. I… I just hate the idea that maybe you’re suffering by yourself.”

“I’m not.” Shuichi said softly. “Really. It doesn’t bother me like it used to…”

Kaito looked like he wanted to argue… but realized that wasn’t the right way to go about it. So he sighed, and said, “... I won’t press. I won’t ask or insist or anything like that. You don’t have to ever talk about it to me if you don’t want to. But… if you ever do? We’ll find somewhere private, go to my shrine or something, and you can tell me anything. I promise, I can handle it, I just…”

He wanted to kiss at every spot she ever fucking sullied. He wanted to argue against every god damn insult she ever idly filled his head with. He wanted to take those memories and bury them under sweetness and love and adoration. Call him possessive, but he wanted to intrude so damn hard on those memories that every time she came to mind, no matter what it was she said or did, a memory of Kaito mocking and deriding her while praising Shuichi and loving him with everything he had would also come to mind, the two memories inescapably linked. 

Shuichi was his.

Nao wasn’t allowed a private place in Shuichi’s sex life.

… but he couldn’t actually force Shuichi to do that. It’d be cruel, for one. So, as much as Kaito wanted to insist… he just said, “...I just want you to know if you ever want to talk about it? I desperately want to hear about it.” Kaito said, “And that never stops being true. Okay?”

Shuichi… hesitantly nodded at that. “...okay.” he said, “I’ll think about it… but, Kokichi? You don’t ever have to hear about it. I don’t know how comfortable I’d be sharing it anyway.”

Dr. Mariah leaned back into her chair and said, “...I think, with that, we’ve found the new grounds for our conversation… are you three emotionally ready to talk about your own sexual history? More than just in passing. Are you comfortable exploring it today?”

If Kaito was saying he wanted to hear, and not just to work himself up and get pissed at Nao all over again...then Kokichi trusted that. Knowledge, even about horrible things you wished you didn’t know, still was power. And while they had all become more comfortable with each other in the bedroom...Kaito still was and would always be more experienced than them. Their boundaries talks were important, but sometimes it was kinder to just know triggers ahead of time. 

...they really were getting onto the subject of sex. 

Kokichi gave Shuuichi a soft look, thankful that he wasn’t letting his boyfriend down, and...he took a deep breath. Steadying himself. 

...it was really important. He could do this. 

Another deep breath. “...I think so,” Kokichi murmured, his cheeks already growing pink. 

Kaito also took a breath. Oh boy… here we go…

Dr. Mariah nodded, looking to the other two. Shuichi nodded quietly, though he looked mildly uncomfortable, and Kaito nodded more confidently, but… already tasted like guilt. A sort of sour, acidic taste. A lot of hangups here, hm? Alright.

How to structure this conversation…

“Kaito?” She started with, “You said that you’re the one who makes most of the decisions in your sex life? What does that mean?”

“Oh, I mean… I tend to be more aggressive in… how things go? When we’re all getting intimate?” Kaito explained, not embarrassed for himself, but looking uncomfortably at Kokichi and Shuichi, not sure what was saying too much or not. “Part of it is just our personalities, but a huge factor is just the fact that between the three of us, my sexual history goes farther back than… like, nine months. It gives me kind of an unfair advantage, experience wise.”

“Unfair? Why that word specifically?”

“...Um, because… for awhile, I sort of… set the standard of what’s ‘normal’,” Kaito said a little quietly, “For them? And neither of them really… knew better. Or, enough to argue with me… and I didn’t treat that with the responsibility I should have, right away.”

“I see… the night that you and Kokichi decided to help Shuichi with his ‘symptoms’. Were you in charge that night?”

“...” Kaito had no idea why it made him so uncomfortable to say, but… “Yeah. I made most of the decisions that night.”

Dr. Mariah nodded. This would be a start, at least. “Shuichi, Kokichi? We’ll come back to you, Kaito, but considering what an important event that was in your relationship, I want to hear from you two how… you feel about the events that transpired. Whatever you feel comfortable talking about, and it doesn’t necessarily have to have anything to do with the act itself. Just… what led to it, the effect it had on you, how you feel about it now. Any thoughts?”

Kokichi looked over at Kaito as he talked, a gentle, slightly regretful look in his eyes. He knew how much Kaito blamed himself for those early days. And while, yeah, he was more experienced...it wasn’t all his fault. 

Taking another steadying breath, Kokichi thought for a moment. “Kai-chan and I had...some stuff like it before, but...that night we set...what I think was one of the most important presidents between us. Especially because we knew...whatever Shuu-chan and Nao had been doing, it wasn’t balanced in any way, so...before we did anything, we had a boundaries talk.”

“Talking about the things we didn’t like, the things we did… Our expectations for each other. Outlining consent for...everything we could think of.”

“And...it might be because we were with Shuu-chan for the first time, or...because I had had some...um…” Kokichi glanced away, taking a moment to breathe. “I had had a talk about...how things were between me and Kai-chan, and the things I wanted to change… I really tried to...speak up more. Communicate better, and assert myself. For all of our sakes.”

“Mostly…” Kokichi’s cheeks flared. “...I have positive feelings about that night. There was...one thing Kai-chan did that we hadn’t talked about, that was kind of alarming...but we were able to talk about it after the fact, at least.”

Dr. Mariah nodded, “Sounds like you were in the early stages of exploring your own agency during intimate situations. That’s good. Even in situations where a sense of control or lack there of is part of the intimacy, it’s important that this is discussed and agreed upon before the act, and I would always argue, should never be considered the ‘rule’. But, that’s me touching one of my soapboxes,” she sighed, moving on. “I’ll go into it more if I think it warrants me getting on my high horse, but for now… it sounds like an overall positive experience, Kokichi. Lovely.”

She looked to Shuichi next, “Shuichi?”

Shuichi… suddenly looked unbearably shy. And a little guilty, as he said, “... see, this is one of the reasons why sometime I think maybe… maybe Nao wasn’t as bad as I remember? Because she never actually…” Shuichi’s face went a little red, as he said, “...before Kokichi and Kaito? I’ve never.. I had never… actually been intimate with someone in like a… like touching them? I… I was really lost, in what I was doing, I…” Shuichi looked confused, before murmuring, “I may have been a virgin? I don’t really know… does it count? If someone touches you but you don’t touch them back?”

“I would think it does. But, it’s really more about how you personally define it, over anything else.” Dr. Mariah said gently, “Virginity is more of a feeling than anything else… did you feel like a virgin?”

“...no.” Shuichi sighed, “But I did still feel painfully inexperienced. I had no idea what I was doing, and… I had just accidentally hurt myself in the shower… it wasn’t bad. That’s not what I’m trying to say. It wasn’t. I actually… really like the memory, even if it’s a little jumbled, like most of my memories that from that time period.”

Looking up at the sky again, Shuichi said, “I remember being… so excited. I thought maybe I was dreaming. I had started dreaming, while I was on the pollen, and I wasn’t good at telling when I was actually awake or not yet, because I wasn’t used to it… so I thought, maybe I was dreaming? This couldn’t be happening otherwise… Kaito went to go warn Maki what we were doing. We didn’t want her walking in on us by accident. Kokichi’s room didn’t have a lock on it, at that point, and Maki was meant to pick me up to sleep in her room, and…”

...Shuichi’s shoulders fell..

“...it really was such a nice memory. Kokichi was so sweet and patient with me… he kissed me, and it was so… it was so gentle and kind, and I had… I hadn’t experienced anything like that before. Not yet. Just someone holding me and kissing me and it’s not weird or scary… than Kaito got back and he was all fun and excited… I remember getting impatient with the talk of boundaries. I know even better now why they did it, because they really were trying so hard to take care of me and do it right the first time… it’s a great memory, really… but…”

Dr. Mariah’s expression was exceedingly kind as she said softly, “It sounds like a memory with baggage.”

“Katio had to go tell Maki to not come pick me up for her shift… I had just hurt myself trying to and failing to asphyxiate myself to get off, because choking scares me and I still needed to be scared. I was still… drugged. And Kaito… pulled me out of the bathroom and led me to the bed, and I was so happy…” Shuichi murmured, lowering his head, pulling his hat down, hiding under the brim, “...Kaito pulled me out of the bathroom and towards Kokichi who was so nice to me… and for months? That was it. That was all that memory was to me. And one day I just… I just woke up one day, a few months ago, and thought to myself ‘Why was Kokichi there?’”

Shuichi looked to Kokichi, “I love you. I don’t regret that it happened. I don’t want you to look back at that memory and not see it as a happy one. I just… I had this moment where I felt like I was… something you and Kaito ‘did’. Like, some sort of… fun activity. I know that’s not how it was in reality. I know you guys did it to help me, and you had real feelings for me… I know this, because if I didn’t?”

Shuichi looked to Kaito, “...if it had gone any other way? If I had sobered up and it hadn’t led to such positive results? ...you and I wouldn’t be friends anymore.” Shuichi told him quietly. “I was drugged and in need and literally couldn’t escape you, Kaito… if I hadn’t liked Kokichi so much? That would have all been incredibly cruel.”

Did he regret the circumstances leading up to it? Absolutely. Did Kokichi regret having sex with Shuuichi? No. Other than the very end, every moment of it had been amazing. But...the circumstances...bled into it a little more than that. It wasn’t so cut and dry. 

Shuuichi had told him before he didn’t blame him. But...his feelings about how that night happened… It wasn’t like Kokichi had been roped into it. Sure, maybe the idea of helping Shuuichi out sexually wasn’t his, but the idea of...doing it right then? With both him and Kaito? That had been entirely Kokichi’s idea to start with. 

And it was was that situation that left Shuuichi feeling like…

Kokichi took a deep breath and put his hands over his face. Not trembling or crying but...just hidden. Needing a moment to hide and breathe. 

“I’m okay,” he clarified further. “I just… ...I’m so sorry, Shuu-chan… I never wanted you to feel like that…”

“Sometimes the reality of a situation and how we actually feel about it are two different things.” Dr. Mariah said, after there was a beat of silence. Shuichi looking somewhat guiltily at Kokichi, Kaito apparently quietly thinking to himself. “It sounds like it was still, ultimately, a positive experience for both of you. But, context later made you, Shuichi, explicitly aware of how much of a risk your friends had taken with your emotional wellbeing by initiating that night. Yes, if a relationship had not formed out of that event? That entire memory becomes a frivolous indulgence done at your expense, that you were in no way capable of, at the time, avoiding once they had decided to do it. Offering a choice to engage in sex to someone on spores isn’t offering a choice at all. It’s merely giving them an opportunity. They always say yes.”

“...yeah, but… I’m only upset at the risk.” Shuichi sighed, “Like you said. It was such a big risk… if it had gone wrong, I would have been seriously hurt, which… annoys me, a little. Sometimes. That Kaito, specifically, had taken that risk… but I still don’t regret the event itself. Just the risk.”

“Why Kaito?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Both Kokichi and Kaito took that same risk with you. Why insist it was Kaito who betrayed your trust?”

“Because Kaito… because he loved me.” Shuichi finally said. “Kokichi liked me. He wanted to help me. But Kaito’s been a life long friend and loved me. I feel like, if either of them should have been unwilling to risk me resenting them later? Kaito should have… and I think he only took that risk, because he was unwilling to risk Kokichi’s resentment.”

Dr. Mariah sighed, “...the pattern returns. There’s a lot of fears linked to not feeling like an equal partner to Kokichi, in this relationship, for you Shuichi. At least early in the relationship… do you still feel that way? That maybe you aren’t an equal partner in this relationship?”

Shuichi hesitated… before shaking his head firmly. “No. I know my partners love me. Kaito’s sworn multiple times over to not put Kokichi above me, and I trust Kokichi to do the same between me and Kaito. I… I really only talk about all of this now because I’m confident enough in this relationship to feel like it’s okay to bring it up. I know my partners love me, and I… I know they respect my place in this relationship. That’s why it’s… it’s okay for me to talk about things that made me uncomfortable, in hindsight…”

Shuichi looked between them. “Right? I...I’m not… I mean… I’m not trying to hurt you two...”

Kaito glanced at Kokich, but let his husband have a moment, taking the attention back as he put his arms around Shuichi’s back, pulling him in, “Of course you can talk about it. I can’t speak for Kokichi, but… it can hurt, a little, thinking about how that day could have gone wrong. And I… I’m sorry I took that risk. We could have done it differently. But… I can’t really bring myself to regret it.”

Dr. Mariah raised an eyebrow, something cautioning in her tone as she said, “You don’t have regrets about that night, Katio?”

“Nah, though, again, I get why Shuichi does… I think there’s a disconnect, between my Kokichi and my Shuichi, about that night.” Kaito said, rubbing Shuichi’s back, glancing at Kokichi, “I know it felt like I was gambling on your happiness, Shuichi, but...you weren’t there for me and Kokichi talking about considering bringing you into the relationship. It was never a risk, for me, because… Kokichi doesn’t do ‘flings’, Shuichi. He honestly straight up has a fear of them. Sex for him is… really intimate. Every time. So, that he was even willing? He liked you a lot… it was never just a ‘fun’ thing for him to do.”

“So, yeah, we didn’t ask you to date us until the carriage… but I knew that relationship was going to form the second we started seriously talking about getting intimate with you. And I knew you’d adore Kokichi, sober or drugged… it seemed really obvious to me. That you two would make a good couple. It didn’t feel like a risk to me.”

“I do wish we would have waited till you were sober to ask you properly.” Kaito admitted, pulling himself away from Shuichi at that, “But we were scared. You were hurting yourself and… if I had thought for a second, that Kokichi wasn’t looking at you, Shuichi, as a potential serious partner? We wouldn’t have done it like that. But, to me, there wasn’t a risk. I loved you. So did Kokichi. And I was confident you’d love us back, when your mind was yours again.”

“...I’m sorry if knowing that doesn’t help.” Katito said gently, “But that’s what that night was like for me.”

Kokichi slowly peeked over his fingers as the others talked, still feeling...awful, for taking advantage of Shuuichi, but...he was so happy in their relationship that...well, he supposed he was like Shuuichi there. Happy, but context brought bad, uncomfortable feelings. 

“I’m glad you’re telling us… That you feel comfortable enough to tell us these kinds of things. Even if I act like a complete goober hearing it,” Kokichi sighed, still not completely moving his hands down. “Some mistakes are just...hard to confront. Like...realizing how...fucked the power dynamics were that night.”

“I liked you,” Kokichi echoed. “And even if I didn’t know you well enough for love...I knew I really cared about you. At that time, you were someone I wanted to keep in my life, in whatever way that ended up for you...however you felt.”

“...the way everyone was talking...it was like you’d die without sex. Like you’d...explode or something…” ...it was so childish, looking back. Kokichi wasn’t proud. “I know part of it was the side effects from the medicine, but...you’d either be...suicidally depressed or spitting in rage, except when you were deliriously happy at the mention of sex, for those few awful days in between. Obviously, that’s not a good reason to be intimate, to just trigger hormones to make you happy… But I was so scared that...even after surviving everything, you’d still die, just when we were starting to figure things out…”

Kokichi sighed, running a hand down his face. “...I guess that’s all to say...it was on my mind. It...barely registered as a fucked up thing that no matter how many times we emphasized consent, you’d always say yes…”

“I was too focused on trying to be good to you and make you happy that I was just...a shithead to you. And while I love things now? That was really fucked up…”

...it did, actually, kind of help to hear how that night looked from their perspectives.

Shuichi had known from the beginning that neither of them had gone into it meaning to take advantage of the state he was in. He of course had known that, neither of them were the type to take advantage… except, a part of him was afraid Kaito was. Why… why bring Kokichi into the bed with him, if Kaito hadn’t just kind of gotten off on the idea of a threesome? Sure, helping Shuichi, but… getting his jollies out of it too.

And that thought had hurt.

Between that and Shuich’s resentment that Kaito had been more concerned about hurting Kokichi’s feelings over Shuichi’s, Shuichi would sometimes just feel… small. Less important. Kind of… whorish.

But…

Between both of their accounts on the night, that just… wasn’t where either of their minds had been. Honestly, between the two of them, it sort of sounded like they were half-panicked, half-into him. Half convinced Shuichi was about to die any second, and half convinced that this would all lead to something good. Something like the reality they actually had…

“... you’re both so stupid.” Shuichi said, a small smile on his lips. “You thought I was going to explode”

“Look, man, in retrospect, maybe we could have just tied ya up and let you curse us out for a day, but that would have been a waaaaay bigger bummer of a night.” Kaito chuckled. “And, like, not to blame everything on Nao again? Cause, I’m toooootallly not having a blast today blaming everything on Nao… but, yeah, the solution we kept being told over and over for you was that you had to have sex or you’d literally die. Which I think was… partly true? Seiko said that if you didn’t regularly get off, it’d lead to bad things… but looking back at it? Now I’m wondering if ‘bad things’ was you dying, or you getting, like, sick and stressed out or something… which is a very different problem, in retrospect.”

“I’m not a doctor in the same sense Dr. Kiruma is.” Dr. Marah interjected, “But there were a few addicts from last fall who… while I never heard any cases quite like Shuichi’s-?”

“No one else was taking the pollen every damn day.” Shuichi muttered.

“- during their more intense bouts, said that they noticed a pattern that if they delayed sexual gratification too long? They became more and more erratic, and started experiencing seizures when they finally did manage to do it. And seizures themselves can be dangerous if not handled carefully, but… no. No cases of death from that. Though, again, Shuichi’s circumstances sound unique, even among all the cases the city saw in fall… and, even more fair to your doctor? She had no idea what she was looking at, at the time.”

There were, unfortunately, plenty of people in the magical community who would have known how to help Shuichi, had they heard about the problem in time… it was the biggest problem, with the ‘community but secret’ arrangement the magical community worked with in Dicea. No one wanted to risk the historically recent werewolf situation again, not to mention a repeat of the witch situation a century before that… but that tied the magical communities hands, when it came to helping their non-magical neighbors with magical issues they stumbled upon. You always did your best to help, but it was an issue that you couldn’t really convey to them the problem in the first place. 

Maybe someday it’d be different… oh well.

Kaito sighed. “Siezures… fuck, maybe we are stupid.”

Shuchi just shrugged at that, though he seemed… a little lighter. Less stressed out. The talk had helped.

Kokichi huffed a little at Shuuichi’s teasing, feeling...a little better that he was up to teasing, but the mention of seizures made him grimace. Seizures were really scary… Sometimes they just ended with someone being exhausted, but sometimes...they could get really bad. Not a reason to take advantage of his friend, but...he was glad that Shuuichi hadn’t gotten to that point. 

“As...kind of bumbling it was to get there… I’m really thankful Seiko figured out a way to get rid of the spores… And I haven’t heard about anyone trying to mess with her and her research in a while so...I think all that knowledge is gonna stick around, and...hopefully no one will have to go through that again…”

Kokichi shook his head a little, looking up at Shuuichi. “...I promised that we’d love you, no matter the Shuu-chan you were, however you changed...but I’m glad you got to be more ‘you’ again. Seeing you be comfortable with yourself is a personal favorite, I’d say.”

“Oh, boy, wait till I’m not, just, always hormonal and emotional.” Shuichi sighed, laughing at himself a little, “I used to be sweet, Kokichi. Sweet.”

“You’re still sweet!” Kaito insisted, putting his arm around Shuich’s shoulder and bringing him in, kissing his cheek with loud, obnoxious smacks, while Shuichi looked vaguely dead inside, “My sweet, handsome, sexy-”

“Ahem.” Dr. Mariah said.

“Oh… do you need some water, Dr. Mariah?” Kaito asked, a somewhat mischievous grin on his face, though he whined when Shuichi put a hand to his chest and pushed him off himself, “What? I’m not wrong! You’re great, Shuichi!”

“And you’re biased.” Shuichi muttered, a pink to his cheeks.

For all that talking about sex flustered him, by now? Hearing Kaito call one of them sexy was just hearing him say, ‘hey! You’re great and I love you!’ Though, in certain company, it probably still wasn’t the best word to use. 

Kokichi gave their therapist a semi-apologetic look before focusing in on Shuuichi again, smiling softly. “We are...but because of the same position that makes us biased, it means we know you. Which means that we can see how amazing Shuu-chan is.”

“If you’re at a point that makes you happy? Then that’s my favorite Shuu-chan. But the Shuu-chan I know now, and that I’ve known for a while is a really incredible person, and my life is better for having known you.”

Shuichi nodded, giving Kokichi a soft look. Kaito, though it was news to Shuichi as well that he thought like this, was correct… Shuichi would have inevitably fallen for Kokichi. They had had literally no time to get to know each other before literally everything happened, but if they had? Shuichi probably would have had some uncomfortable pining moments. Kokichi was easy to love.

He wondered, if the situations had been different, if the two of them would have brought Kaito into their relationship, if they had dated first. Somehow he thought they wouldn’t have, but… not out of lack of desire. He just suspected they would have collectively been too shy to consider it even between each other, let alone to talk to Kaito himself about it.

This… specific relationship? Between the three of them, with a baby on the way? That, genetically, all of them could claim?

The last year was the only way this could have happened. If you changed literally any of the pieces, retconned any of the events, then their relationship as it was now? Didn’t exist. There were too many interconnecting threads to go over them, but Shuichi knew that… if literally anything had been different? Hell, if they had waited a week for Shichi to sober up? His body healing? There was a reason no one had brought up trying for double penetration again. It all would have only worked just then. Change anything, and this wouldn’t have been the final result.

He supposed, when all was said and done, he felt it was worth it on his end.

Shuichi sighed, “...thanks. I actually feel a lot better about all of that. I think it just… helps to know that you all know what I’m talking about. That it’s not just all in my head.”

“‘Your hurt was worth exploring, and it’s still understandable if it bothers you sometimes. Your partners didn’t mean to harm you, but they did, and that should be acknowledged… but not dwelled on. The hope is always to take the sting away from those memories. To make them feel less suffocating and overwhelming, so you can move on. If we’ve accomplished that for you, then, well… good. That’s the point.”

Shuichi nodded… before a sudden tenseness came to his face.

“...Katio?” he suddenly said, “...is there… anything you want to get off your chest?”

“...hm?” Kaito hummed, a little confused.

That was the crux of it. You needed to feel your feelings, express your sadness and pain. But you couldn’t live there. You needed to feel it...and move on. Get back to life, to happiness and growth. That pain would be a part of you, but...it could just be history. Not a cloud always ready to thunder down at a moment’s notice. 

The goal was to get rid of berserk buttons. 

Kokichi had nodded along with Dr. Mariah, letting this calm of a discussion explored let him regain his composure, and...for a moment, he looked at Shuuichi in confusion too. Before…

Reaching over to rub Kaito’s arm gently, Kokichi offered his husband a small smile. “...you said yourself you have some regrets about our...our sexual history. That’s alright, but...if there’s anything you wanna get off your chest? About a regret, or about something that hurt you...that’s kinda why we’re here right now. We can always talk about it later, but you do have an opportunity to bring up something of your own.”

Shuichi still had a… distinctly uncomfortable look, but…

Kaito gave him, just, a genuinely confused look… oh! Right! Awww, “Dude, I’m not mad.” he said quietly to Shuichi, though he placed a hand on the hand Kokichi was rubbing his arm with, giving it an affectionate squeeze, before focusing on Shuichi, “We’ve already talked about this, handsome, seriously, I’m not…” Kaito glanced around, realizing this was a tough conversation to have in private, in these circumstances. 

So he sighed and, crossing his arms over his chest, explained, “Shuichi did something a little unkind to me once. We talked about it, it honestly didn’t bother me that much even at the time, and… I don’t know, I guess it still bothers you?” he said to Shuichi, who was looking increasingly miserable, shrugging.

“I don’t know… I mean, yes, it still bothers me! Why doesn’t it bother you?”

“It wasn’t that big a deal.”

“Augh!” Shuichi huffed, running a hand over his face as he said, “That. That bothers me! It was an incredibly shitty thing for me to do! And… you just let it go like it was nothing! That makes me worry about you, Kaito! Like, maybe you're secretly holding resentment or… that maybe if something like that were to happen again, you wouldn’t take care of yourself!”

“It wouldn’t happen again.” Kaito argued, both trying to appease and frustrated at Shuichi’s frustration, “We talked about this, you won’t do that again. It’s taken care of.”

Shuichi groaned, putting his head in his hands. Dr. Mariah looking back and forth between them. Hm.

Kokichi, in turn...just kind of looked confused at the back and forth between his partners. They were talking about the series of nights they had sex in the shrine, obviously. While they were trying to get to the point Shuuichi could penetrate Kaito. They had rushed it a bit, and Shuuichi had told him he’d been a bit rough, partly just in frustration towards Kaito but…

...maybe it was more than a bit rough. Kaito had had such a tough time walking...and that was just from their attempts at penetration. 

Frowning a bit more, Kokichi thought for a moment. 

“...Kai-chan? When I’ve talked about...forgiving the people that tried to kill me, or making amends with people who kept me in the castle...even if that gives me peace, and it feels like the situation’s done with...that’s still bothered you, right?”

The comparison wasn’t lost on Kaito, but, “That’s different.” he insisted, turning to Kokichi, “You were actually hurt by that. It bothered you when it was happening, and it had, like, after effects and stuff! I mean, I get it, but… literally, okay, ugh, hold on.”

Kaito grumbled, closing his eyes, rubbing his temples, “...look, I’m just gonna explain this so everyone knows what’s going on. It’s honestly barely worth keeping a secret. Shuichi got mad at me, and wanted to punish me. So, the next few times we had sex, he was mean to me on purpose. I literally thought the entire time, like… ‘Oh. Shuichi’s kinda bad at sex, when he’s on top. That’s alright, we’ll figure it out’. And that was it! I wasn’t traumatized, I wasn’t hurt, it was just bad sex. Bad sex happens! It’s not something to hold against people.”

Dr. Mariah’s eyes narrowed at this, briefly… but waited to intervene.

Kokichi looked to the side, his pulse picking up as he realized what he wanted to say, but...he wanted to help. And...maybe talking about it would help those memories too. 

“...what about our times together at the beginning? It wasn’t even bad, really… I, um, really enjoyed them…” Kokichi’s cheeks were red again, but while he couldn’t quite look at Kaito, he wasn’t shrinking away. “...but you holding me down and not letting me reciprocate? We’ve talked about it, and, personally, I feel alright. But you’ve talked a few times about how those times still feel bad to you.”

Kaito… hesitated.

“...that’s… different.” Kaito said uncertainly, already seeing the flaws in his argument, but… seeing the logic and feeling it were too different. “I… I should have known better…”

“And Shuichi wouldn’t?” Dr. Mariah asked, glancing at the detective, who still looked frustrated and guilt-ridden. “Shuichi, if my files are up to date, is actually older than you by a few months, Kaito. And was raised in a career where he specifically had to think like and track down criminals, which, Shuichi? Can I assume that includes sexual assault?”

Shuichi looked up, something… wary in his gaze. Wanting to make amends didn’t mean he felt comfortable with terms like that being thrown around… “Yes.”

“That sounds like someone more than capable of making a reasonably informed choice, when it comes to sexual intimacy. Are you suggesting Shuichi, in this situation, didn’t have the same agency as you to make an informed decision?”

Kaito hesitated again. “...no, I mean… Shuichi doesn’t have as much experience as me-”

“Your boyfriend is an adult, and he’s not stupid.” Dr. Mariah told him, something stern in her tone. “...so is your husband, for that matter. You’re not dating children, Kaito. Or someone with a mental or physical condition that makes informed choices more questionable. They’re both grown men you are in an intimate relationship with. There is wisdom in recognizing you have more experience than the both of them, but you’re not actually in charge, when it comes to the bedroom. Their choices still have impact.”

“... the thing with Kokichi was still different.” Kaito said quietly. “I get what you’re saying, and no, Kokichi’s not a child or whatever. But… I had too many advantages. I should have been way more careful. I should have… it wasn’t fair, what I did. Any of it.”

Kokichi knew that logical paths didn’t always make the difference to Kaito, but...they could still try. Giving Kaito a gentle look, Kokichi took one of his hands, placing a soft kiss against his husband’s knuckles. “It wasn’t fair. But...we talked through it. We can’t take back the past...but I trust you with our future. I trust you to not do things like that anymore.”

“...but, even having my forgiveness...it still feels bad, doesn’t it?” Kokichi sighed and patted Kaito’s hand before nodding over to Shuuichi. “And even having your forgiveness...Shuu-chan still feels bad. Probably more, because you barely acknowledge him as having hurt you.”

“You talked about having advantages over me, but...Dr. Mariah’s right. I still had choices...I just barely used them, because...that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. And it wasn’t bad, so I thought, well, why speak up then?”

“His advantage over you, those times...was that he knew you wouldn’t protest. Shuu-chan could treat you poorly, and you wouldn’t protest, and...I mean, I really agree with him here, that really bothers him,” Kokichi sighed. Again, he looked over to Shuuichi. “...I’m trying to draw parallels, but...if I got anything wrong? It’s your feelings, and, I mean, I wasn’t there. Is that how it is, Shuu-chan?”

“Yes!” Shuichi suddenly said. His eyes red, clearly in conflict, not with what Kokichi said, but… just in conflict with the memory as he said, “I took advantage of the fact that I knew you’d feel like this! And you did! And you do! It didn’t bother you! You just… let me do it! And even when I confessed, you… you laughed! Kaito, I hurt you, told you, and you laughed. Why don’t you… care?? You should care about that! You deserve better than that!”

Kaito looked back and forth between Kokichi and Shuichi, a little… overwhelmed and not sure what to do now. His impulse was to want to insist to Kokichi not only had every right to be angry at himself, but should be… but his impulse to Shuichi was that peeps made mistakes and sometimes you did shitty things but it wasn’t like he wanted to make Shuichi feel bad about it, he trusted him to not do it again… and… uh???

“... I’m not angry? But can I take a minute anyway?” Kaito asked, raising his hand. “Seriously, I’m not mad. I just need to take a step back from this for a second. Is that okay?”

Dr. Mariah smiled, “Would anyone like some more tea?”

Kokichi smiled slightly at his husband, feeling some sympathy. It had taken Kokichi a long time to accept that Kaito just...blatantly did not treat people as specific, nuanced cases. If he loved you, then you could do no wrong, and were valid and expected to lash out beyond equality against the people who hurt you. If he did see you as doing wrong? Then you did something absolutely horrible that Kaito struggled with to acknowledge. 

If you were just...a person around? He didn’t think about you at all, except for maybe eyeing up attractiveness. 

If you were a person that had hurt someone he loved? Then you were trash of the earth, hideous and irredeemable. Everything about you was horrible. And if someone he loved forgave you, you don’t deserve it, you should still suffer, and the only reason he hasn’t put you in the ground is because it’d make his loved one upset. 

...if you were Kaito? Then you were just kind of around, but...you didn’t get any of the allowances that his loved ones got. 

Trying to grapple all that when it conflicted… Kokichi wasn’t surprised that Kaito would need a moment. 

Kokichi scooted over on the bench a little, trying to give Kaito the physical space to think, and he smiled softly at Dr. Mariah. “If you wouldn’t mind, I think some more tea would do me good. But...uh...I can’t really...get downstairs to help…”

“I can. And I think I could actually use a bit of a walk.” Shuichi sighed, getting up and, looking annoyed, waved Kaito off as his boyfriend got up to try to help him to his feet, “Stop, no, I’m fine. I’m fine. Stop… just…”

Shuichi made a small noise that was maybe a grumble, maybe a placater, but he walked with Dr. Mariah to the stairs, going down with her.

“...It does feel different.” Kaito muttered to Kokichi, watching the door close behind them. “I know it’s… maybe not? But it feels different… I know Shuichi did mean to hurt me, but… I mean, the sheer fact that’s what he thought would hurt me? Bad sex? I don’t know… I guess maybe it does feel kind of bad that he did it thinking I wouldn’t, like… stop him.”

Kaito paused, “...I guess I didn’t.”

Kokichi carefully crossed his legs under himself and looked out over the rooftop, looking out at the city. “...trust is one of the most precious things you can give someone. But it’s also dangerous. When you give your trust to someone, you’re saying, hey, here are all the innermost things that make me, me, and all the things that can hurt me deeply, but I believe that you won’t use them to hurt me, so it’s okay to be vulnerable. Probably in a far less verbose way…” Kokichi chuckled. 

“...Shuu-chan feels shitty that he used your trust to hurt you, and...it sucks to hear that you don’t care? Because...it’s like you saying that...it’s okay to hurt you. That your pain doesn’t matter. That you don’t care about yourself. And even not being the person to abuse your trust that way, that’s horrible to hear. You know how horrible that is, because you’ve felt it when we say that sort of stuff.”

“Kai-chan is a precious, wonderful person, and it’s not okay when people hurt you. Your pain matters, and you matter so much to us.”

“...and…” Kokichi sighed. He...probably shouldn’t say this. “...this is...really mindread-y. So I think we should just ask Shuu-chan when he comes back. But...I don’t think he went into it thinking, ah, some bad sex will hurt Kai-chan! I think...he went into it trying to be as hurtful sexually as he could be...but to you...that was just bad sex.”

“... I mean… I don’t just… like I get how…” Kaito frowned, before sighing, “God, sorry, I’m so frustrated with myself. I’m sorry I’m this bad at communicating… sometimes I feel like the things I’m thinking just don’t… translate? Or maybe I just don’t actually understand what I’m feeling enough to, like, be clear about… and sometimes I look at how I think and I realize that how I feel about it is different then what I think about it?? Which is… pretty confusing, sometimes.”

Kaito sighed again… “I’m sorry if I’m frustrating, Kokichi.”

While he wanted to give Kaito space, Kokichi reached in to hug Kaito’s arm, nuzzling it a bit. “I don’t always understand you, and that can be frustrating, because I want to understand you, but it’s not you that’s frustrating, if that makes sense. You’re amazing, so that’s why I put in the effort.”

“And it’s okay to be confused. To think of reality in one way, but then realize how you actually feel about it is different. It’s just...self-discovery. And something like that’s really amazing...and I’m glad I can be on this journey with you.”

Again, Kokichi nuzzled Kaito, pressing a brief kiss to his arm. “...most of what I was talking about before… I was trying to explain why Shuu-chan’s upset. That doesn’t have to...really change anything about what you think or feel. It’s just...understanding where someone else is coming from.”

Kokichi went quiet for a moment, thinking about all the parts that went into this situation… It was...so much more than he’d thought before. 

“...you don’t have to tell me. It’s your business and your business alone. But...can I ask? Have...you had partners that hurt you? I don’t mean...as stuff you both agreed to beforehand, or the...hitting and name-calling stuff. But things that...while maybe not...like you’d call the whole thing off. You didn’t like?”

“Well, sure.” Kaito shrugged, “Who hasn’t?”

He hesitated at that, re-thinking it, before saying “I mean, no, like… for someone like me, who hasn’t. Obviously it’s not, like, something you should be okay with for just anyone, especially people like you or Shuichi. But someone who sleeps around a lot? There were… there were bad nights. Hell, bad relationships, or flings. Hell, I didn’t figure out the hitting and name-calling thing until one time it got real bad, and I just realized I couldn’t do it anymore. A bad bunch sort of ruining it for everyone sort of thing.”

Kaito would have said more, but the door to the roof opened up, and Dr. Mariah and Shuichi, Mariah holding a tea kettle and Shuich holding a small platter of cups with biscuits, came up. Kaito, seeing this, immediately got up, trotting over to take the platter from Shuichi first, before taking the kettle from Dr. Mariah as well, the therapist allowing this with a small, amused look as he took it back to a round, small marble side table between the benches.

“Thank you, Kaito.” Dr. Mariah said, sitting on her bench, Shuichi sitting down as well. “I apologize. Myself and Shuichi found ourselves talking a bit on our break. Shuichi, would you like to share?”

Shuichi sighed, “...It bothers me that you seem used to a sort of treatment that I thought was inexcusable, Kaito. It makes me worried about you… and… I worry that maybe I wasn’t looking after you very well back in Luminary. You always seemed so… confident and sure of yourself… and I think about how you used to defend Chad and the shit he pulled like it was nothing and… I’m starting to worry that maybe you defended Chad because maybe Chad wasn't the only person doing things like that. And...I feel guilty. If I missed that.”

Kaito laughed a little at that, before wincing at Shuichi’s dirty look. “I’m not laughing at you, Shuichi. I’m laughing cause that’s kinda what me and Kokichi were just talking about… is it okay for us to talk about this? I know we’re discussing sexual history, but, like… my sexual history has nothing to do with us, as a group. Shouldn’t we… refocus?”

Dr. Mariah raised an eyebrow, “For someone who keeps insisting that it’s your own personal experiences that make you the most responsible whenever anything goes wrong in this sexual relationship, it’s extremely naive to assume your own experiences don’t, in turn, affect theirs. You’ve been taking charge in the bedroom, if I understand right, based on those experiences. They matter.”

Kokichi frowned slightly. He knew it was naive to expect that, if you had a lot of relationships, there wouldn’t be any bad ones. But...he didn’t exactly know how to say it… But it felt like...it was the wrong sort of mindset to accept that sometimes you’d be treated badly, but from the law of numbers. Even if you were going into a one night stand, wasn’t the expectation that you’d have a fun time? 

If his own experiences had taught him anything, it was that you should stand up and say something, at the very least, if you were being treated badly…

As Shuuichi and Dr. Mariah returned, Shuuichi explained...pretty much along the lines of things Kokichi had been thinking, if more clearly and with examples. Chad...was a name Kokichi had heard before, and while he didn’t exactly know what the guy had done? From the way his friends talked about it, it was bad.

Kokichi and Shuuichi weren’t any of Kaito’s old partners...but Kaito’s history was...his history. Something that helped shape him. Nodding softly, Kokichi added, “You’ve formed your expectations from your experiences… We’ve made our own rules between the three of us, but...when something new happens? You have a lot more to draw from...and that does shape the steps we all take.”

“...especially if…” Kokichi frowned a little deeper, his voice unsure, but clearly worried. “...you’re okay with being treated badly because...to you, that’s just how sex is sometimes?”

“I mean… alright.” Kaito said, still sort of convinced they were focusing on the wrong thing here. For one, Dr. Mariah had no idea why Shuichi had felt the need to punish him… Kaito was certain once she did? Well… Shuichi’s behavior would be way more explainable. And it would make more sense why Kaito held no ill will. Cause, like, fuck, dude, he deserved it. There was no arguing against that. She just didn’t know the whole story yet.

...but Kokichi had asked they not talk about that first, and Kaito hesitated at the idea of bringing it up before Kokichi was ready, to explain a thing between himself and Shuichi. And, more than that-- or, really, just equal to that-- this really seemed to be bothering Shuichi, this whole thing. So, if it made his boyfriend feel better…

“Geez, how the hell do you even start with something like this?” Kaito muttered, thinking back. 

“If I may, Katio?” Dr. Mariah said, “How early into your life did sexual intimacy start for you?”

“Um… I mean, if you’re asking when I lost my virginity, I had just turned fifteen?” Kaito grinned at the memory… though the grin quickly lessened, as he remembered, ah, right… right…

...Togami’s dead… that was another one that Kaito tried to not think too hard about. If he could help it.

“Yeah, so, I mean, I wasn’t crazy, like… active at fifteen. I was really just with one person that year. Though, saying that, I don’t really remember a time in my life where I wasn’t attracted to people. Just… ya know, fifteen was the year I found someone who liked me back and was confident and patient…” Kaito grinned wider at the memory, “...had a key and all sorts of time on his hands…”

Shuichi twitched, “Kaito.”

Kaito laughed, flushing, “Sorry! I’m sorry. But that’s kind of my point. I had a lot of good experiences to learn from too, and that’s the sort of stuff I always want to bring into the relationship. I always want you guys to have a good time and feel safe and taken care of and excited… I just… I was just…” Kaito deflated, “...it’s not enough to feel like that, ya know? I got selfish and self-centered and didn’t notice until it got bad… I made a bunch of shitty choices-”

“Fifteen is young to start being sexually active, but not unheard of.” Dr. Mariah interupted, “Without getting into details that would make your partners uncomfortable… well, what about your sexual experiences feel memorable to you? Things that had an influence?”

Kaito stopped to think about it…

“I mean…” Kaito scratched the back of his neck, before saying, “I… I had a lot of meaningful relationships and experiences. Hell, Togami… the guy who was my first relationship? He was this guy named Togami… it was complicated, right from the very start. Really complicated… we weren’t really supposed to date at all. Togami was an indentured who was a professional, like, imposter? His job was to pretend to be people still living out their lives, if they didn’t want anyone to know they were traveling or sick or something. My brother was being sent overseas for some trade negotiations that the foriegn royal family didn’t want anyone to know about, so… Togami took his place here…” 

Kaito glanced uneasily at Dr. Maraih, “Don’t judge me, okay? Maybe it’s creepy to date someone who’s impersonating your brother, but, I swear, if you knew the difference? It was impossible to see them as the same person. Togami was a great imposter, but after the first couple of days of knowing him? He looked nothing like Byakuya… not to me, anyway. His disguise was impeccable.”

“And… he was really nice to me… like, really nice to me… he made me feel taken care of…” Kaito’s face looked far away for a moment, wistful and longing… before he scoffed, “And then, when Byakuya was on his way back? We knew the relationship was over, that Togami would be sent off to imposter someone else, sooooo, Togami said, meet me here, at this time, and we’ll ‘run away together, Kaito!’” Kaito said, a clearly mocking tone in his voice, “We’ll go into hiding and be together and I’ll take caaaare of you. Wooo.”

Dr. Mariah smiled softly, “I guess it didn’t work out?”

“Prick left and I never saw him again. Left me a letter saying he just didn’t see it working out and couldn’t tell me to my face. Ho--ooooh, boy… he used to tell me he liked the idea of me only ever being with him?” Kaito grinned. It was a mean thing, all sharp edges and teeth. “After spending too long being all weepy and boo-hoo about it? I got busy. Fucking prick.”

Made Kaito feel taken care of… It could be a coincidence, or not even entirely Togami’s influence, but...that was heavily how Kaito treated his partners. And while it could vary in Kaito’s actions...from what Kokichi remembered of Togami, and how he acted towards Kaito? It was less...being caring towards someone, and more...doing everything for them to the point where...it went beyond respect, and into...acting patronizing. 

Though...Kokichi knew he wasn’t Togami’s biggest fan, so that could just be a petty theory. 

But the other thing Kaito had gotten from his time with Togami… Kokichi’s eyes widened in surprise. Sure, Kaito was just...kind of naturally a flirt, wanting to be close to people even before Togami but...Kokichi had always thought it was just kind of a natural progression. Not that...Kaito went out with sexual intentions out of...spite and revenge. 

Luckily that wasn’t the case these days, and Kaito didn’t treat him or Shuuichi how those kinds of feelings would influence things but...it was eye-opening, at least. 

Tugging on a piece of his hair in worry, despite himself, Kokichi hummed softly. “...you’ve talked about having a pretty serious relationship in college, but… From all the stories you’ve told me, I don’t really...remember you talking about any longer-term relationships in high school, after Togami. Were there?”

Shuichi’s expression immediately darkened, while Kaito laughed sheepishly.

“Yeah, I… I got sort of a reputation for myself at sixteen? That never really went away. I mean, obviously, because even when I finally got over the Togami thing and wasn’t, like, sleeping with literally anyone I could convince, I didn’t stop having sex. I just got slightly more picky… but, ya know. There’s repercussions to being known as someone who sleeps around a lot? Especially considering I was famous in the area to begin with for just my title, there was no one didn’t know the rumors, so… people kinda… got into the the habit of treating flirting with me as, like… it was always just gonna lead into nothing but a no-strings-attached fling? It was just the expectation, which made… like, actual dating kinda tough…”

Kaito grinned, ignoring Shuichi’s huff as he said, “But, in junior year, when I was seventeen? I found the middle ground! A guy named Chad.”

“Well, at least this year had some positives.” Shuichi murmured.

Kaito froze up at this… opened his mouth like he was going to continue like he hadn’t heard that…

“... Shuichi, handsome?” Kaito said quietly. Starting to fuss with his knuckles. “Could you not say things like that? Like… like not about stuff like that? I know you’re not exactly… broken hearted about my parents or… some of the people who died this year… could you just not say stuff like that around me?”

Shuichi’s face darkened some more, something vicious in them.. But he looked to Kaito and his gaze softened, seeing how uncomfortable he was. “Sorry.” he murmured.

“You’re alright.” Kaito said immediately, before turning to Dr. Mariah. “Chad… there was a… so, a bunch of people I dated