Shuuichi’s expression immediately darkened, while Kaito laughed sheepishly.

“Yeah, I… I got sort of a reputation for myself at 16? That never really went away. I mean, obviously, because even when I finally got over the Togami thing and wasn’t, like, sleeping with literally anyone I could convince, I didn’t stop having sex. I just got slightly more picky… but, ya know. There’s repercussions to being known as someone who sleeps around a lot? Especially considering I was famous in the area to begin with for just my title, there was no one didn’t know the rumors, so… people kinda… got into the the habit of treating flirting with me as, like… it was always just gonna lead into nothing but a no-strings-attached fling? It was just the expectation, which made… like, actual dating kinda tough…”

Kaito grinned, ignoring Shuuichi’s huff as he said, “But, in junior year, when I was seventeen? I found the middle ground! A guy named Chad.”

“Well, at least this year had some positives,” Shuuichi murmured.

Kaito froze up at this… opened his mouth like he was going to continue like he hadn’t heard that…

“...Shuuichi, handsome?” Kaito said quietly. Starting to fuss with his knuckles. “Could you not say things like that? Like… like not about stuff like that? I know you’re not exactly… broken hearted about my parents or… some of the people who died this year… Could you just not say stuff like that around me?”

Shuuichi’s face darkened some more, something vicious in it... But he looked to Kaito and his gaze softened, seeing how uncomfortable he was. “Sorry,” he murmured.

“You’re alright,” Kaito said immediately, before turning to Dr. Mariah. “Chad… there was a… so, a bunch of people I dated more seriously than the usual, like, flings and stuff. Like, they were all actual relationships, if only because they were a part of my life a long time before or after we got together… really, some of them were just… good friends I had at points in my life,” Kaito said, his gaze far away, “...anyway, they got kidnapped and are dead now. Weird death cult shit, I guess.”

“Oh.” Dr. Mariah blinked, not having heard anything about that. “I’m sorry, Kaito.”

“Yeah.” Kaito blinked, before seemingly just… emotionally barreling through that, grinning. “Anyway, Chad was honestly my ‘big’ high school relationship. We dated half of Junior year, cause, like… he was like me, ya know? Just really adventurous and into sex and a little wild… we had a lot in common. And our relationship was more about us doing that stuff together. He’d find all these random people, like, a lot of people from outside of the city? Tourists and stuff. I swear, he had a sixth sense for it, we’d go into a bar together, parks, shopping plazas, he’d look around, and just bee-line towards people. He always knew who was down for something, just by looking at them. And he was so charming! I’d get all, like, awkward or put my foot in my mouth or whatever, but people would just swoon for him. I never figured out what his trick was, but he never got rejected. It was crazy.”

“So, he’d find these people, and we’d… ya know? Have a fun night together. He was just really, really into threesomes, and I didn’t mind them-”

Dr. Mariah’s eyes narrowed slightly at that, but didn’t comment.

“-and that was just a huge part of my high school experience… but, ya know… it’s like too much of anything. Eventually, the two of us took it too far, we made a mistake…” Kaito’s brow suddenly furrowed, looking over to Kokichi, before saying, “I don’t know… if this has anything to do with anything. Maybe we should just skip this.”

“It makes you uncomfortable to talk about?” Dr. Mariah asked.

“I mean… sort of. That, and, like… I mean, I know we’re talking about negative sexual experiences, but I don’t wanna like… make anyone uncomfortable. Especially for no reason.”

“Was it a negative experience?” Dr. Mariah asked, “The sort of thing that might shape some of how you see sex?”

“No,” Kaito said firmly. “This was not sex, this was like… okay, technically it was sex, but…” Kaito dug his nails into his knuckles. Pressing the sharp ends tight into his skin. “...but it also wasn’t. Like, so… long story short? Chad took me to this party. We were excited, it was our first, like, orgy experience? Again, we took it too far… Anyway, we got there, and there were a lot of people there. So we go into this back room where there’s less people, and Chad was going to go get us, like, food and drinks? But he got lost-”

“In a three story house,” Shuuichi muttered.

“-and ended up getting distracted for a while?” Kaito said, shooting Shuuichi another tense look. “And there was like… these guys there… I think the issue was that I was a Momota. I thought things were normal at first, but, like, it became pretty obvious really quickly that… it wasn’t meant to be fun for me. Um, so… that happened for a bit… but then Chad came back! And we left, and that was fine. It would have been fine, but Byakuya heard what happened because Chad was worried I was in some sort of funk and explained to his friends why and one of those idiots told a guard, who told a different guard, and it got to Byakuya, and by the time he heard about it, it was all blown, like, just entirely out of proportion...”

“...I see. I’m sorry to hear all that happened, Kaito,” Dr. Mariah said. “...were you assaulted at that party?”

“No,” Kaito said quickly, shaking his head, “I knew what I was getting into when I went. It was just bad, that’s all.”

Kokichi didn’t interrupt, but he sighed a bit as Kaito got to Chad. Not because of the grudge Shuuichi and Maki had against the guy, because Kokichi didn’t know what he’d done, but...well, because of why Kaito asked Shuuichi to just...keep his irreverence away in front of Kaito. 

It wasn’t fair… They were horrible casualties of a sick fuck’s selfishness. 

He respected Kaito’s decision not to get into it. While it was just...something horrible and traumatic to Kaito’s life, and so it did affect all of them...talking about it as an isolated incident? It was something probably better left to Kaito’s personal sessions, at least at first. Maybe one day they’d talk about it as a group. 

As Kaito actually started to talk about what Chad had done that garnered such ire from Kaito’s friends, though...Kokichi’s eyes widened. 

It was one thing to...be adventurous. Even to have a bunch of threesomes, even if Kaito wasn’t super into it--it sounded...terrifying to Kokichi, but...he could recognize that there was personal bias there. 

But...the party?

Kokichi’s brow furrowed, his hands clenching in his lap. “...even if you went expecting an orgy...you didn’t go into it expecting to be alone, and for it to be ‘bad’. That’s...incredibly disrespectful, and...a horrible experience. That’s… Kai-chan…”

Closing his eyes with a sigh, Kokichi took a few deep breaths, trying to let his horror and rage ebb. Not because it wasn’t worth getting mad about, but...he didn’t want to let his fresh emotions hurt his partners, who had had a lot of time to sand off the edges of that memory.

Kaito looked at Kokichi in alarm, before leaning over and pulling him into a hug, rubbing his side and kissing the top of his head. “Hey, it’s okay… I’m fine, babe, this was all a long time ago… and, trust me, nothing like that has ever happened since. I got the worst of it over with right at the beginning!”

Dr. Mariah considered this. “...it wasn’t inevitable, Kaito. It’s not normal for an event like that to happen, even for someone with your lifestyle. You didn’t ‘earn’ it.”

Kaito blinked at that, before looking… actually somewhat genuinely dumbfounded. Looking over to Dr. Mariah, who frowned, feeling like she had hit the nail on the head, and feeling bad about that. It was usually more useful for patients to figure out for themselves the thought process that led to their self-doubt or lack of self worth, not for her to tell them… but she had realized it only as she was saying it. She hadn’t had a chance to hold back.

So, deciding to lean into it, she continued, “Kaito… an event like that? Where someone sexually harms you? The universe isn’t keeping a tally and waiting to punish you once you’ve slept with too many people. You don’t ‘earn’ a bad experience after enjoying a series of good ones. It’s not expected that just because you sleep around, you should expect to be mistreated, at some point or another, and you shouldn’t accept it as just an ‘inevitability’. Whether you’re on your second or hundredth partner, you’re still entitled to a certain amount of care and respect in the exchange…”

“...” Kaito opened his mouth, shut it… before saying, uncertainly, “I mean… of course… I know that.”

...did he?

…ah shit, did he think like that???

Kokichi sighed again, though he leaned into Kaito’s arm for a moment. “I know… It’s old to you, but it’s brand new to me now, so...please just give me a sec?”

...got the worst over with?

As Kokichi calmed himself, he opened his eyes, looking at Dr. Mariah in slight astonishment as… 

...Kaito believed a whole hell of a lot in punishment. 

But even for something like the party...punishment for what? Atua was supposed to protect people who sold themselves for sex, and while that wasn’t what Kaito was doing...was the stigma against sex, despite being so integral to the religion that shaped the culture, that harsh? That sleeping around was considered, essentially, a sin?

...Kokichi’s brow furrowed, though his demeanor was calmer. “...you didn’t earn what Shuu-chan did to you either.”

“...raping me was horrible, and you shouldn’t have done it, but… I mean, we talked about it before--punishments don’t work. Especially when the punishment is just...more pain.” Kokichi pursed his lips, knowing that this had the potential to hurt Shuuichi too. “...but even if you did ‘earn’ a punishment from that...it wasn’t Shuu-chan’s to inflict, and especially not without even telling you. He has a right to be angry. To be disappointed in you. But hurting you more doesn’t make up for what you did to me. It just makes us both hurt.”

“...” Kaito gaped a bit… before murmuring, “Shit, do I think like that?”

Shuuichi sighed, not… feeling great about what Kokichi said, but well… he did agree. It was why he had felt bad to begin with. He hadn’t even finished the punishment he had originally set out to do, the shame of it getting to be too bad… “Kaito, I hurt you with… with the intention of making it worse as we went. I wanted to get to the point where you just… felt taken advantage of and helpless. I wanted to make you feel like how I imagined Kokichi felt.”

“...but I hated seeing you hurt. I hated seeing the way you just let it happen. You didn’t get angry with me, you accepted my half-hearted excuses, you didn’t hold anything against me, even during moments I thought, ‘oh, this will be it, this is when he’s gonna get angry’... I felt like… such a bastard… it wouldn’t-- didn’t-- make Kokichi happy, it wasn’t making me feel any better, and I didn’t like how it was affecting you...and I just… feel bad about what I did,” Shuuichi said. “And, I know you forgive me, but… I feel like your forgiveness doesn’t mean anything if you don’t realize what I did was wrong. Like you’re just forgiving me to make me happy...”

Kaito rubbed his palm into his eyes, not teary or anything like that, just… thinking. Before sighing.

Turning to Shuuichi, Kaito gave him a hard look. 

“...you should have stopped when I asked you to,” he said, a stern look on his face. “Like… I asked, Shuuichi. Fuck, for a second there? I was basically begging you. You were hurting me, I asked you to slow down, to stop, and you didn’t. I know you heard me, you just… kept going… that sucked, Shuuichi. It was a fucked up thing to do.”

Shuuichi winced… nodding.

“And… I can’t be with someone who would think it’s okay to do that to me...which you don’t. I know you don’t. The fact that I know you don’t is why I’ve forgiven you, and it’s why I can move past it… okay?” Kaito said, reaching over and rubbing his thumb along Shuuichi’s neck, saying softly, “I know you hurt me, and I know you did it on purpose. But you stopped, and you apologized, and I trust that you mean it… and…” Kaito hesitated, before saying, “Please don’t do it again. Because I’m not like you. I can’t threaten to leave you if you do it again… I probably wouldn’t. I’m weak, like that… I need you to control yourself on my behalf… please? Can I count on you?”

Shuuichi nodded again. “Yes… I’m sorry, Kaito.”

Kaito grinned at that. He was… still kinda grappling with the new realization about himself?? It was genuinely something he hadn’t noticed in himself till just now. But… well, he had time to work it out. So he just leaned in and gave Shuuichi a small kiss, “Thanks.”

“You never know what’s gonna lead to a moment of self-reflection,” Dr. Mariah said, more amused at where this had all led than anything else. Therapy, man. It could be a damn trip sometimes… She loved it. “Considering we’re still on the topic, though there are… other things you all keep bringing up that I’d like to focus on soon,” she said pointedly, giving Kokichi an obvious look, “Should we finish the explanation of your basic sexual history, Kaito? It might be useful to know for reference in the future.”

“What? Man, is it still my turn? I’ve been talking a lot today.” Kaito frowned. “Like, I know it’s not a matter of ‘turns’, but… damn, can’t it be someone else's turn for a bit?”

...well. In some ways, Kokichi was hopeful that...it was just a perspective that Kaito hadn’t even noticed? Because if it was something that he’d just...stubbornly thought was correct, or that he was determined to ignore...it wasn’t just learning about that perspective and how it shaped Kaito’s decisions and feelings. Then, it was also sifting through a ton of other layers to even get to that point. 

Kokichi...didn’t like that, quite possibly, his husband thought he deserved...like, karmic retribution for things. Just because he was alive, or because he had good things happen to him--not even just as punishment for ‘doing bad’. But...it was something they could sort through together. 

And...maybe coming to that realization, and starting to make things square with Shuuichi would...help Kaito’s guilt when it came to Kokichi’s rape. 

Kokichi gave his husband a soft look, before meeting Dr. Mariah’s pointed stare. “...I feel like if we talk about...um. You raping me, again, then that’s just gonna be you talking more, but with me too. If...that was what that look was about, Dr. Mariah?”

Dr. Mariah, suddenly, had a rush of memories of talking about the second rape between Kaito and Kokichi… Thought to herself ‘should I make them go into that again?’

“...yes, it’s what that look was about.” Dr. Mariah smiled gently, giving Kokichi a mildly apologetic look. “I know we’ve discussed it before, but considering that it seems to be something still on the three of your minds enough that it gets brought up, not to mention that it’s had influence over your future actions,” she said, indicating to Shuuichi, who sighed, “it’s likely something that’s worth going over again. In fact, getting to the point where you’re all tired of talking about it? That’s a good sign. Not talking about something because it hurts means it bears more discussion. Not wanting to talk about something because there’s nothing new to say? That officially makes it a ‘maintenance’ conversation-- the sort of conversation you should have every now and again to just make certain everyone’s still emotionally okay, but not something that actively needs working on anymore.”

She paused. “... does that make sense to you? Some things just… we beat them to death. Then we move on, occasionally coming back to check on the corpse. Make sure it’s still there, good and beaten.”

Katio grinned. “Dark.”

“I can be, sometimes.” The demoness smiled back.

That did make sense… While Kokichi had found his peace, well...his partners hadn’t, so it was still worth getting into. And while Kokichi felt better about what came after...it was still...a startling memory. So maybe that was worth getting into too. 

But if they were trying to be comprehensive about it…

Kokichi sighed softly, after nodding that he was fine talking about it again. “...I kinda wish Maki-chan was here. Since...she was the person I told first, and everything…” Though...one of the more startling parts of that conversation got into Kaito’s conditioning and...they still couldn’t talk about that. 

Running a hand through his hair, smoothing it out of his face, Kokichi looked to his partners. “...where should we start, then? When...Shuu-chan overheard us talking about it? I don’t think we really got into that…”

“It really does feel like we’re missing a person when it comes to talking about this relationship,” Dr. Mariah laughed lightly. If only because she found their relationship just… it was a little ridiculous. You were already in a three-person poly relationship. And there was, very clearly, a fourth person influencing almost every aspect of it. Like… did they have to make this so complicated for themselves? They couldn’t do anything just… simply. “It is interesting that she was the one you felt safe to confide in first. That is likely worth exploring someday…”

“Oh, yeah, Shuuichi, how did you find out?” Kaito asked, looking over to him. “I assumed Kokichi talked to you about it.”

“We… did talk about it. I wanted to confirm what I heard.” Shuuichi sighed, “I don’t remember why you two were talking about it, but I overheard you discussing it in the bathroom while I was in bed. Even in that conversion, it sounded resolved, but… I was horrified, to hear that you would do something like that, Kaito. It really… if I hadn’t heard it from you two directly? I’d have never believed it.”

Kaito’s grin was more strained this time, as he said, “Well, I appreciate the vote of confidence, even if I didn’t deserve it...”

“...I remembered just… being so angry. I felt betrayed, though… I don’t know if that makes any sense,” Shuuichi said. “We weren’t dating when it happened… I was in the middle of pollen stuff, when it all happened. I remember being so… jealous. Of your relationship. Like, bitterly jealous, because Kaito was always so sweet with you, Kokichi… And with how he treated me? Between trusting him growing up, and seeing how he fussed over you around everyone else, and how gentle he was with me when I joined the relationship… I couldn’t believe it, for a second… and then I just got more angry, the more I thought about it.”

“...but even more than that? I think a part of me hoped that if I punished you? I could forget about it. Just… not have to think about you doing something like that.” Shuuichi sighed. “One good punishment, and you’d just be normal Kaito again… but I didn’t feel any better.”

“I’m sorry,” Kaito said softly. “I wish I could just… offer you guys a different version of me. One that hadn’t done it.”

“...he was asleep, Kaito,” Shuuichi hissed, brow suddenly tensing, “What were you thinking?”

...that if he woke up, Kaito could say it was a spider?

“...honestly?” Kaito said, “...and I’m so sorry about this. I’m so sorry… but I was not treating it with the seriousness I should have. I have no idea what the fuck was wrong with me, but… I didn’t start taking it seriously until after I had started. I…” Kaito gripped his hands. “...I was treating it like, at worst… I don’t know… I wasn’t… treating it as something that would have real consequences. At first. For any of us.”

Kokichi gave Dr. Mariah a slightly puzzled look. Why would it be odd that Kokichi confided in Maki first? At the time he had, Shuuichi was neck-deep in spores, they had just started to figure out what to do for him...and, well, Kaito was the one who’d done it. Ikuo hadn’t returned yet, and, at that time, Kokichi didn’t believe that there was anyone else he had. It wasn’t to diminish his friendship with Maki, but...she had pretty much been the only person he could talk to. 

But...that was something for another time. 

As Shuuichi talked about his own thoughts, overhearing Kaito and Kokichi talk, Kokichi’s gaze softened. How ironic, in a way, that Shuuichi had been jealous. Kokichi had been incredibly jealous when he first saw the friendship between Kaito, Shuuichi, and Maki. Then, he had become friends with them too. Shuuichi had been jealous of Kaito and Kokichi’s relationship...and then had become a part of it. 

...Maki had said something similar, about not believing that Kaito had done it. Maybe it was only Kokichi’s true terrified helplessness that had convinced her. 

Sighing softly, Kokichi just kind of...looked at Kaito, as he started talking about what even led him there. “...you’ve talked before about how you never really felt like you hit any boundaries with me. And how it was just...a power trip. Was...it just some...impulse? Something that doesn’t really have any solid thought behind it at all.”

Kaito nodded, frowning. “The power trip, the lack of… seriousness? I gave the situation? It’s all the same thing. It felt like…” Kaito closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping, a look of honest shame on him. “...it felt like it was just some kinky game I was playing. Like… and I swear, Kokichi, I never meant to… to treat you like this… but like you were… fuck…”

Kaito opened his eyes, just looking furious with himself, as he said, “...like you were some toy. Like… even if you were startled? Or upset? And I did know you’d be upset, if you woke up… I knew. I knew what I was doing was wrong, the entire time… but before I fucking came to my damn senses, I thought maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal. For either of us. I remember even thinking that… ugh.”

The Luminary Prince ran a hand through his hair, disgusted with himself, the more he thought about his thought process. “I thought, ‘I should ask Kokichi if he’s a masochist’, cause like… I was half convinced by that point that you were? Like you’d like me hurting you like that… which you didn’t earn, by the way. You didn’t fucking lead me on or anything like that, I was just… justifying my shitty actions to myself… thinking you’d fucking like it or something,” he grumbled, just… so god damn frustrated with himself.

...he couldn’t say it didn’t hurt. Hearing that...those thoughts had come to Kaito, even if...even a moment after he was horrified with himself. It was one thing to have intrusive thoughts. It was another to have some that were so powerful you acted on them. 

It was...something close to insanity. 

Kokichi didn’t know what to say. Because for how awful those thoughts were...Kaito hated them too. Was disgusted and remorseful for having them. And...Kokichi trusted Kaito enough to...even if an intrusive thought like that popped up? To never act on one again. 

So with a slight, glum sigh, Kokichi scratched his cheek a little. “...guess the masochist thing stuck for a while, since...you asked me about it quite a while after that.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that… I just thought, like, okay, there’s different levels of masochism. Just because what I did went way past ‘fun kinky game’ and into ‘whelp, this is gonna haunt us for the rest of our lives’... I figured, once I wasn’t too ashamed to bring it up, I should at least confirm if you were or weren’t. Like… you shouldn’t not be able to enjoy what you enjoy, just because I was a shitty person and ruined it for you,” Kaito huffed.

“It’s actually a good sign the two of you were able to have a conversation like that,” Dr. Mariah pointed out. “Did it go well? Were you able to clear it up without any… big meltdowns or anything like that?”

“It’s just like any other conversation about the stuff we like...I’m glad we had it,” Kokichi hummed. 

Kokichi...didn’t actually remember the specific conversation they had about masochism. He remembered talking about it, but...not how they got there, or any of the other stuff that happened in the conversation. But that part of it, specifically…

Kokichi nodded softly. “It was fine. Considering I’ve...um…” Again, the red cheeks returned. “...I’ve only...figured out...preferences through being with Kai-chan and Shuu-chan… It’s not really something I had...thought about? So I just...kinda rambled about how I felt, and Kai-chan was really patient and...we figured out a good definition for us in our relationship. It was a good conversation.”

Dr. Mariah nodded. “Good. That’s excellent, actually… May I ask? If you all don’t mind going back to a branching conversation… Kaito? You normalize things that happen to you as sort of ‘inevitabilities’. Has anyone ever slept with you in your sleep?”

“Oh, um…” Kaito frowned. “Yeah, but the context was super different. Like, I was definitely okay with it, and again, I knew Kokichi wouldn’t be. A lot of it was what my ex-boyfriend Korekiyo called ‘implied consent’? One night stands that I’d fall asleep at and wake up to things going on, that sort of thing. Like, I was there for sex, ya know? Kokichi was just sleeping in his bed on a normal night. Different context.”

“I see… and Korekiyo is…?”

Kaito hesitated. “... um, my ex-boyfriend? Sorry, I’m not sure how to narrow it down better than that. He was an ex I had in college? It was a few years after everything that happened with Chad, and I… kind of thought I was over all of it? But I started dating Korekiyo, and he really wanted to hear about all of it, and it turned out I had, like...a lot of hangups about all of that still. Like, you suggesting it’s something I thought was inevitable the first time I’ve thought of that, but before Korekiyo, I had, like… tons of bad ideas from that incident. He got me to a much better emotional place from it. He was also, like, my longest relationship before Kokichi… though we weren’t, ya know, ‘official’ for some of it.”

...hm. 

Really...from all the times Kaito had talked about Korekiyo, he had seemed like one of the most positive relationships Kaito had ever had. Not even by direct comparison--Korekiyo had just seemed like...someone who had a good head on his shoulders. Experimental, sure, but able to see the lines of consent clearly, and made sure both he and Kaito were always aware of them. 

But...anything called ‘implied consent’? Kokichi...didn’t trust that. And even if you were at a one night stand, even if you had already had sex...if you weren’t in control of yourself? Whether from inebriation, or being unconscious? It didn’t seem...right to Kokichi, for someone to start another round. 

Kokichi still had a sort of proxy respect for Kaito’s ex, but...maybe he hadn’t only passed on healthy ideas…

...he didn’t have much to say, but there was definitely a sort of...brooding expression on Kokichi’s face as he took that in. 

Dr. Mariah also had a… curiously blank look, at that. A lot of ‘armchair’ psychology was a way to use flowery language to justify actions you had either already taken, or would like to take, and ‘implied consent’ sounded very… armchair psychology. Not to mention that… “He had an interest in the events that happened in high school? Did you bring it up, at the time?”

Kaito gave the therapist a mildly confused look, not sure what that had to do with anything, but- “I mean, not really. I didn’t like to talk about it to people, because, like… look, I’m barely want to bring it up now, cause I know Shuichi’s gonna say-”

“He did it on purpose, Kaito.” Shuichi said tiredly.

“He didn’t.” Kaito insisted, giving Shuichi a heated look, “It was an accident. You weren’t there, there were so many people at that party. He was already a little drunk, we both were, he probably just didn’t notice how much time was passing.”

“I couldn’t prove it.” Shuichi said, looking tired still, “I tried… but I couldn’t find anyone willing to confirm it. But the circumstantial evidence is almost undeniable.  All five of those men were from out of town, two of them were vocally anti-Momota, Chad was seen speaking to one of them a few days before-”

“He explained that! It was how he knew about the party in the first place! It was just a coincidence!” 

“Kaito. Shuichi.” Dr. Mariah interrupted, watching the two men get heated, this clearly an old fight between them. “... we’ll come back to this. It seems like there’s some tension there. But considering this was Kaito’s longest relationship before this one, I want to have a better understanding of Korekiyo. It could give future issues new context.”

Shuchi huffed. “...Fine.”

“...so, Korekiyo had an interest in your highschool experiences?” Dr. Mariah asked.

“He…” Kaito glanced at Suhichi, clearly also wanting to continue the fight a little, before continuing on, “Kore had a lot of passion, when it comes to consent? Like, healthy sexual experiences? He would, his whole, like… life was based around it.”

“How so?”

“Korekiyo was… really into the bondage scene? Like, it kind of defined him. He even got a degree in anthropology, and was planning to specialize in learning how different societies over time handled sexual kinks like bondage and power dynamics and control fetishes, pain fetishes, that sort of thing… he was really passionate about it.”

“Ah,” Dr. Mariah was starting to see a pattern, “So, after Togami, your first long term, impactful relationship was with someone who enjoyed sharing you with multiple partners, and, a few years later, your second long term relationship was someone who had dedicated their life around sex?”

Kaito grinned, shrugging, “What can I say? I was a guy who knew what I liked.”

“Mmm… was your relationship with Korekiyo monogamous? Or was it open, like with Chad?”

At this, Kaito hesitated. “...um. That ones a little complicated.”

“Do you feel comfortable talking about it?”

… Kaito nodded. “I mean… okay, so...I never mind either way, right? Lke, whatever my partner wants, that’s fine. You want me to be a one guy kind of partner? Great! I can do it! It, ya know…” Kaito grinned, something a little light in his eyes as he said with a small flush, “It feels kind of special, sometimes, ya know? Knowing your someone’s one and only? It can be… nice…”

Then Kaito cleared his throat, a little embarrassed, before chuckling, “Didn’t have too many relationships like that though. In fact… didn’t really have any relationships like that? Oh! Except for Bailsong. Yeah, unfortunately… I was really excited to get into a monogamous relationship with her. It sounded, ya know, like I said, nice! And she was very firm that she didn’t want me with anyone else. Again, great!... but she got really mad if I, like, hung out with friends? Or went out at all? I think she was constantly worried I was gonna cheat on her… yeah, that relationship didn’t last long.” Kato shrugged. 

“But, Kore was different. I wasn’t allowed to sleep with anyone else, which, fine! Great! I’m all Kore’s. But his bondage thing was, like, a ‘community’ thing? It was how he socialized, basically, and he was a ‘top’, which meant he had to be pretty sexually active in the community, so, he had to be in an open relationship on his side of it. Okay, fine, I can handle that. But… after awhile? Like, later in our relationship, he was teaching me all this bonange stuff, and these rules and things, and it got to the point where he felt like I should be doing some of the community stuff? But I could only do it in… really specific ways. He always had to be there, and-”

“This is the person for whom ‘consent’ was incredibly important?” Dr. Mariah said grimly.

“Yeah! We discussed all of this, like, constantly. Like… like I agreed to all of it. We discussed what I was comfortable with and stuff. What he was comfortable with. That sort of thing… he really did his best to take care of me.”

Dr. Mariah’s face softened a little, “That’s twice you mentioned that characteristic. That’s something you appreciate in a partner? Them looking after you?”

Kaito laughed, “Well, I mean, isn’t it something you hope for out of anyone? That they care about you?”

Kokichi’s eyes widened slightly. 

...yeah, the thing with Chad had sounded suspicious, but...if that was what Kaito said happened, then, with no other version of the events presented, Kokichi was willing to take him at face value. But...if Shuuichi, and likely Maki, had reason to believe that...it wasn’t an accident…

...Kokichi really hated to think that Byakuya had a point with anything. Kaito did have validity in his thoughts and actions and his belief in people. But...he habitually gave people passes on things if he liked them… And...if there was enough reasonable doubt...it was much kinder to believe a bad thing happened by accident, rather than someone you trusted maliciously setting it up. 

...there were a lot of kind things to believe. 

As Kaito described Korekiyo more and more… He seemed like a very different person to Togami. And for the things that he genuinely helped Kaito out with, Kokichi respected that. But...between the different expectations and rule sets…

...whatever his partner wants, that’s fine, huh?

...with Togami...he treated Kaito like he wanted a pet. With Korekiyo...it sounded like...he was treating Kaito like an experiment. 

...to tell someone that the longest and most positive relationship they’d ever had was...an experiment? Not that Kokichi would ever even be able to confirm since...Korekiyo was one of the ones who… 

It was too cruel. Kokichi...couldn’t keep being the person to tell his husband that all the nice memories he had of Luminary were actually horrible. 

But...the perspective that Dr. Mariah just pointed out… 

“...that’s not what you said, though,” he softly murmured, not really looking at Kaito, but...looking more contemplative than despairing. “You said that they took care of you, not that they cared about you. Is...that the same thing?”

“...” Kaito hesitated, recognizing Kokichi’s ‘you just said something that really made me sad’ double-speak, though… he wasn’t sure what he had done to earn it this time as he said uncertainly, “I mean… maybe that’s not the same thing, but it’s tough to have one without the other, I think… right?”

Kaito looked at the three of them… “Oh, come on, I know I get a lot of things wrong, but… what? What was wrong with that?”

“Expressing care for someone by looking after their well being is a reasonable way to express yourself.” Dr. Mariah agreed, to an extent. “The issue is…” How to explain it… “Agency. In fact, I believe we’ve discussed this to an extent. This is actually a subject that you’ve struggled with before, Kaito.”

Kaito hesitated. “...it is?”

“Shuichi’s expressed to you before his frustration when it comes to you being unwilling to trust him when it comes to helping out with things. That you underestimate him. Your issue was that you were concerned for him and wanted to take care of him, especially during a difficult pregnancy… but you did concede that you should trust Shuichi more, and step back to allow him to contribute more.” Dr. Mariah summarized, “Do you recall?”

Kaito nodded hesitantly, “...yeah?”

“Do you actually understand why Shuichi was frustrated?”

“...cause it… sucks to be underestimated?”

Shuichi sighed. “It’s controlling, Kaito. They’re saying that there’s a fine line between someone ‘taking care of you’ and you just… being something someone has. And Korekiyo making you go by a different set of stricter rules than he had too is controlling.”

“...That’s not…” Kaito frowned… “... I went by different rules because that’s what Korekuyo was comfortable with. Consent goes two ways. Just because I was okay with him sleeping with other people didn’t mean he had to be okay with me sleeping with other people. Like, maybe that’s not super fair sounding, but he didn’t do it behind my back. He got my permission. And… I don’t know, what’s wrong with wanting to be taken care of a little? Even if maybe it’s a little controlling… it’s safe, and it’s nice to know, like, for certain someone cares about you… right? I don’t see what’s wrong with that.”

Dr. Mariah hesitated for a moment. “...you’re not wrong.” Necessarily, “Some relationships function in… unique ways. The main thing is that no one within that relationships feels, or is, harmed or abused in the setup. If you two had a unique set up where he dictated your sexual life and you felt comfortable not dictating his, then... agan, so long as you both were truly comfortable with that, and neither of you were being harmed, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that… may I ask, Kaito, how the relationship ended?”

Kaito, almost looking smug, the therapist agreeing with him for once-- ha!-- opened his mouth automatically to answer…

...and then closed it. A sudden uncomfortable look on his face.

Shuichi looked over curiously. For such an important relationship, Kaito had always been very vague, about what broke them up. Something about a difference in how they both saw their futures going? Was the closest he had ever gotten to explaining it.

The thing was...Kaito took care of Kokichi all the time. Kokichi needed someone to help him take care of himself. He’d be dead, without someone to help feed him and make sure he got his medicine, someone to help him use the bathroom and help clean him so he wouldn’t get bed rash… To push him in his chair and give him an arm when his legs got wobbly… Even compared to a ‘more average’ relationship, Kaito took care of Kokichi more. 

And Kokichi appreciated it. It really was a sign of care. 

...but…

Tim took excellent care of Chase. It didn’t mean she had much input into her life. And it didn’t mean she resented Tim for it any either. 

Kokichi had been careful with his stuffed animals, and even now he cared about them, enough to still have them as a 20-year-old. But, well, they weren’t even alive, so of course Kokichi didn’t care about what they thought. 

...Kokichi was certain of the care various people had for him, and he could be sure of it without them putting him in a cage. In fact, the one person who had put him in one out of care he had resented for years, and was only now forming a positive relationship with. 

...was it still a choice, to be ‘okay’ with your partners doing stuff, if the only reason you were okay with it was that if you chose another option, you thought they’d lose interest in you? ...the desire to be loved was...very strong. 

...Kokichi didn’t like it but...he was...kind of starting to pity his husband. 

In the wake of silence, Kokichi put a gentle hand on Kaito’s arm. “...you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to. Yeah, the stuff that happened in your old relationships shape how you see things and make decisions with us, but...it still is your business. If you don’t wanna talk about it, then you’re entitled to your privacy.”

Kaito looked to Kokichi, still struggling… before crossing his arms. Looking down at the koi fish and sinking into the bench a bit as he muttered, “Yeah, I… I don’t want to talk about it.”

Sure, Korekiyo… doing what he did… several times after Kaito had found out about it? And Kaito realizing Kore was never going to actually tell him what he was doing… that was bad. It wasn’t great. Kaito knew that. He had left him, over it.

...but that didn’t mean the whole relationship had been bad. And he didn’t want anyone to try to convince him it did. He had been really happy, with Kore, for a while there. Kore had made him feel loved and cared about. It was… it was nice. Someone being that invested in you. Looking after you… Kaito had been happy. 

Dr. Mariah nodded, a note forming in her journal. “Understood. Honestly, I feel like we have a pretty solid idea of what relationships were like for you, Kaito, before coming to Dicea. Thank you for opening up so much to us about it. I know that’s not always the easiest thing to do, under circumstances like this. It can be easy to feel judged, but just know that everyone here is only interested in knowing because they care about you. Your partners, and I, want to understand you better. You talking about your past gives us more opportunities to learn. Thank you.”

Kaito nodded, an exhausted look on his face. “Yeah, of course… it’s all good. I’m all about it.” he said, though, his eyes tellingly darted to the pocket watch Dr. Mariah kept in her dress pocket, “How… how much time do we have left?”

Dr. Mariah took out her pocket watch, saw there were still ten minutes left, inexplicably… but saw the exhaustion on all three of her patents faces and said, “We’re done for the day. Good job today, everyone. I know this is hard, but you made some serious breakthroughs. You should be proud.”

Kokichi sighed softly. He enjoyed therapy, in that he really felt like he was growing as a person because of the sessions, but...man. He was kind of relieved… He wasn’t just...how much more he could take today. 

“Thank you, Dr. Mariah. For your help today, and being flexible with scheduling.”

-

They did end up getting something fried on their way home, getting take-out from a food stall. The plan was to eat at home, but Kokichi diiiiid sneak a few nibbles of his fried okra on the way. And after they ate...it wasn’t quite early enough to sleep, but Kokichi requested to be dropped off in their room anyway and…

Kokichi heaved a deep sigh, absolutely splayed out on the bed. “What a fuckin’ day…”

Shuichi talked quietly with Kaito at the door of their room.

“...you’re sure you’re fine?”

“Yeah, man, why wouldn’t I be? It’s fine, I just still have a lot of envelopes to get through. Get some rest, I’ll be back.”

“...don’t stay in there all night.”

“I won’t, I promise, I’m coming back. Don’t look so worried, I’m fine, really.”

There was a small sound of kisses, and Shuichi closed the door, rubbing his forehead in agitation, before heading to the bed. He turned, laid back… and then grunted, Miya pressing uncomfortably to his bladder, so he shifted to his side and curled up. “Ugh… Kokichi, pass me a pillow? I can’t make it to the top of the bed, it’s too far.”

Heaving another sigh, Kokichi patted around to get a grip on a pillow before handing it down to Shuuichi, not feeling quite exhausted in a joking way enough to toss the pillow to his boyfriend. Who knew, maybe Shuuichi would enjoy pillow fights, but probably not right now, and Kokichi didn’t feel like getting into one anyway. 

“Boo… Can’t even cuddle my favorite boyfriend. At the final leg of our journey, even the few last steps are an eternity apart.” 

Kokichi paused before groaning softly. “...I’m glad we did that, but...fuck. That felt like a week of time squished into two hours.”

“There’s no way that was just two hours. Twelve, maybe. If you told me twelve, I’d believe it. Two is foolish.” Shuichi grumbled, taking the pillow and smooshing his face against it, his hat popping off his head and falling behind him in the process. “Ugh.”

And then, after a moment, he curled further into it and went, “Auuuuuugh!!”

Kokichi nodded solemnly in solidarity with Shuuichi’s scream before, humor leaving him, he just...stared blankly up at the ceiling. ...what the fuck…

“...I feel kinda bad for saying this when Kai-chan’s not even here, but… And I know things weren’t just...terrible all the time. But...that was...fucked up, right? Like...it’s not just me being narrow minded again, right?”

“...” Shuichi sighed, peeking his head up out of the pillow and looking at Kokichi, still half smooshed into the pillow as he said, “...in our defense? Kaito never dated anyone for long. Like… Korekiyo might have been longest, but Chad was the only real nightmare to get through, and then after that, it was easy. He’d ‘date’ someone for a couple of weeks, they’d dump him or do something even he couldn’t justify, and then he’d move on. And, like… ‘dating’? For Kaito? Usually meant as little as just, like, someone he was sleeping with also wanting to spend time with him outside of that. That was the qualifier.”

“It always happened so quickly, that… I don’t know.You just had to wait it out, and it’d be fine. And… it wasn’t like he wasn’t happy… he’d be happy right up until he wasn’t. And then the relationship would end. He never stayed when he was unhappy…” Shuichi blinked tiredly… before groaning. Smooshing his face back into the pillow as he said, “Ugh… I’m just making excuses. Kaito’s dating life always worried me. I used to go find him after one night stands because we’d just… worry about him. I’d find out who he went home with and make sure he got back to the castle alright, get food into him, hear him talk about how the two had discussed maybe they’d get together for lunch later and I’d watch him get excited at the idea and then just… get over it when they never followed through. Go back out that night and start the process all over again...”

“...it never lasted long. You just had to wait for it to fall apart on its own.” Shuichi muttered.

Kokichi had known that Kaito hadn’t really had any serious long-term relationships--outside of Korekiyo, and...at this point he didn’t really want to count Togami as ‘serious’ since Kaito was 15, but, again, that was more likely just Kokichi’s own bias--but...he didn’t know. He had assumed it was a string of two to three month steady relationships with flings in between. Not that…

...the vast majority of people just sort of...used Kaito as a fun night out. Or...no. More like...Kaito was happy for any sort of relationship while...it really did end up just being sex for most people. 

Suddenly it put their struggles at the start of their relationship in such a new light… Sure, Kaito still had more experience but...he had rarely ever been in a position with the sort of commitment that their marriage was supposed to have. And consider how controlling Kaito’s partners had been...it wasn’t just the political expectations that likely left Kaito floundering. 

Kokichi let out a deep sigh and pressed his hands over his face. “...I’m glad he’s with us. Kai-chan talks sometimes about us having met as kids...but I think I would’ve had an aneurysm watching him go through all that… Shuu-chan and Maki-chan...I don’t even know what to say… I can’t imagine how worried you must’ve gotten…”

Shuichi laughed lightly, “I think Kaito would have tried dating you right after getting rejected by myself and Maki and you would have been the one to successfully corral him. Looking back at it, I think all he needed was someone who wanted to commit and didn’t treat him like garbage at the same time… Kaito’s not as ignorant as he… well, presents himself. He knows when he’s being treated badly… they all just made it easy for him to run. So he’d date someone shitty, they’d do something shitty, he’d run, rinse, repeat.”

“...honestly? I worried, but just sort of generally. I didn’t want anyone to actually hurt him, like Chad did. But… Korekiyo? I don’t know… I didn’t realize how bad that all sounded until I saw Dr. Mariah react to his explanation… I remember Maki and I being concerned he had broken up with Korekiyo. He seemed so much more stable with him, not partying all the time, not risking himself with new people all the time… but when he explained it today…” Shuichi sighed, “...it wasn’t as obvious while it was happening. But, yeah… that was fucked.”

...it sucked, to think that so many people had been shitty to Kaito in his life. The stuff with his parents, his brother, that bastard...those were a little more pressing. Things that disgusted Kokichi and painted horrific pictures of those people. But just...on top of that? The reason why Kaito left...pretty much everyone he had ever dated, if they even bothered to get in contact with him after a fling, was that they had been shitty to him? Not even that...they just weren’t compatible people, or that they weren’t looking for commitment right then, or that they found they were happier as friends…

Kokichi could hope there were some of those there too, but…

...then the only people who had stuck around had done it for their own reasons, or to manipulate Kaito…

It was almost enough for Kokichi to give more points to arranged marriages. 

“Sometimes it takes outside perspectives to realize how awful something actually is…” Kokichi sighed. “...but...I’m glad Kai-chan has happy memories of Korekiyo. And...some of the stuff he’s talked to me about him...sound genuinely good. And...well...the guy’s passed. I’ll be there to help Kai-chan past any issues that he might have, but...of all the things I’ll take a stance on, I think I’m...more okay with just accepting Kai-chan having a happy memory of him.”

“...maybe it’s just ‘cause I never met him, honestly… I’m still more pissed at Togami.”

“... I thought I helped cover up Togami’s murder.” Shuichi quietly confessed. “I have no idea why Togami told Kaito he wrote the letter. He didn’t. I did.”

Kokichi looked down to Shuuichi in surprise before he just...looked back up at the ceiling with that same blank expression. Honestly, he had been surprised when Kaito had described Togami’s letter, and why he never came back for him, but then...Kokichi remembered. 

Kaito never found out. Or had been too caught in the drugged haze he’d been in to remember them talking about it. Maki’s confused fury and relief when she found Togami alive and well. The confusion over what to do about Togami since he was a Ronpan spy that had kidnapped a Luminary citizen. But...Kaito had never found out. And maybe he didn’t want to.

Another deep, deep sigh. 

“...despite how...twisted it was, Togami did care about Kai-chan,” Kokichi softly, but flatly said. “I think...he knew that it’d be easier for Kai-chan to just hate him, than confront that you, Maki-chan and his brother had all...come together around his back to kill Togami. Togami was already someone that Kai-chan renounced. You all...are people he still deeply cares about. Kai-chan...really doesn’t like to think about the people he cares about hurting him.”

Today was a prime example of that. 

...and unfortunately...Kai-chan was someone who just kept being hurt by people he cared about. For someone who loved flat, cartoonish, unrelated villains...the people closest to him were really some of the biggest antagonists in his life.

“I suppose that makes sense… I used to… it was really hard. Not to tell him.” Shuichi said softly. “I wasn’t allowed to. I was ordered not to, and as badly as I wanted to, if I told him? It wasn’t just our friendship I was risking. If it got around I told him, if the wrong person heard, it’d reveal that my conditioning was broken. It’d put me in real danger… and Maki couldn’t tell him cause of hers.”

“But… Kaito didn’t go straight from Togami to sleeping around. He was depressed for months. Basically the rest of the year. He went from being angry to being sad… he guessed what had happened, at one point. All of it. Kaito’s not stupid… he put it all together, at one point. Byakuya coming back early, getting a report on Kaito, finding out about Togami, finding out about the relationship and Kaito wanting to run away with him… it didn’t take long for Kaito to make some obvious connections. He straight up accused us, at one point, of ‘getting rid of’ Togami and lying to him about it… and he was right. But we couldn’t confirm it… and then one day he just stopped saying that. Apologized, said he didn’t think that was what happened anymore, that Togami had just… left him. And, honestly? Watching his depression after that was worse than his extremely accurate anger. Cause then he was grappling with this idea that… he just hadn’t been good enough. And started wondering what exactly he had done wrong, what he could have done better…”

“And then he got angry again. Anger at us, depression, then anger at Togami. And when he got angry at Togami, that’s when he started acting really erratically. He had this little black book that he’d show off to us sometimes? He might even still have it. He’d keep track of everyone he slept with and write these notes of how much better than Togami they were in whatever way he could find. Said that if he ever saw Togami again, he was gonna throw that book at him and show him how much better off he was without him, after he left. He kept up with it religiously, for awhile… and then one day I just stopped hearing about it. I think he just got tired of it.”

“I felt terrible… he got better, but I really think that letter just… I tried to make it as inoffensive as possible, but looking back, I think how unemotional it was hurt more than anything. Togami left and had no regrets or concerns about it. And that just wrecked Kaito’s self esteem… I felt really responsible. He was really different, after that, for a long time.”

All of that...sounded very much like Kaito. As awful as Togami was, in Kokichi’s opinion, Kaito had adored him. He knew Maki and Shuuichi’s love, but considering his family...finding someone that cared about him? Even if that care wasn’t care for Kaito as a person...it must’ve felt amazing. Like someone was finally looking back at him, and were happy with what they saw. 

...it was absurd, how cruel Kaito’s life had been. Kokichi didn’t believe in karma or fate, personally, but...even from statistics, how on earth did Kaito keep losing so hard? In some ways, it was like someone was deliberately trying to make him as miserable as possible. 

And yet...Kaito had gone through it with regular bright smiles, finding pockets of fun and positivity and determinedly sharing it with whomever he could. Kaito came out of it a loving, caring, responsible person who adored his family and found joy in the world. Kaito...was probably one of the strongest people Kokichi had ever known. 

Kokichi sighed and slung an arm over his eyes. “...you were put in an impossible spot, Shuu-chan. You couldn’t tell him the truth, because it’d destroy Kai-chan’s views of his brother and Maki-chan, and put yourself at serious risk. Make the letter too regretful, and Kai-chan might still hold onto the hope of Togami coming back one day, and maybe would even try to go after him. Make it too angry...well. Either Kai-chan’s self-esteem is wrecked anyway, or he goes straight to the ‘fuck that guy’ stage. Try to spare your friend’s feelings...and it seems like Togami didn’t care about him at all. Which...is the one thing Kai-chan wanted.”

“...I think at the end of it...well. For me, at least, it boils down to, fuck Byakuya and fuck Togami.”

“Yeah, Togami was part of a death cult? And wasn’t even an indentured. Or a Luminary… like, okay, if Togami had run away with Kaito? Where would he have even ended up? Among cultists? Kaito was fifteen, and Togami was…” Shuichi frowned, “It’s… literally only just now occurred to me that Togami was probably not seventeen. In retrospect… I actually have no idea how old Togami was. Old enough to be trained and sent as a spy. He was an impersonator. He literally could have been older than we are now.”

Kokichi shuddered, squeezing his eyes shut as he rolled over, curling around Shuuichi’s head. “Noooo… Somehow I never thought of that… Please don’t make me confront the possibility that among all the other myriad fucked up things in my husband’s life, he was a victim of pedophilia too…”

Lightly, Kokichi pressed his forehead against Shuuichi’s, at least as much as he could through the pillow. “...we’re making things alright now. No more trauma for any of us. We’re just going to have a normal, boring, pleasant life.”

“I’m more than okay with that. I want the most exciting thing to happen next year to be Miya calling Kaito something that vaguely sounds like it could be ‘dad’. That’s it. Peak excitement. Nothing else… well, I guess we can go visit some nice, nearby place too. I just…I just want the world to leave us alone for a while and let us recover. Our lives were all collectively pretty garbage. I want our biggest problem to be ‘man, kind of bored today, huh’.”

Kokichi nodded a bit, though after a moment there was a faint smile on his face. “...the first time she says ‘dada’ and it’s not just...a string of babble? We’re gonna lose our shit. We’ll throw the biggest impromptu party, that’ll just consist of us cheering and saying ‘dada’ back to her while we, like...gently spin her in the air.”

“...it’d be a really nice life if Miya’s the most exciting thing that happens for a while.”

Shuichi laughed gently, nodding. “Yeah… I’m sure she’ll be entirely baffled why we’re all so excited. It must be so confusing in an infants world. Not only is everything brand new, but also, literally everyone’s going to act like an idiot around you by default. What an odd way to be introduced to life.”

“...if it makes you feel any better? Because I know today was a lot… Kaito really was usually happy. We all were.” He said softly, looking over to Kokichi sternly, “Myself, Maki, Kaito… I know, when you take our lives and break it down, a lot of it is… bleak. Very bleak. But… I got lucky. Maki and Kaito just… aren’t unhappy people. I think you could do anything to them, and they’d come out the other side of it just as angry and pleased with themselves as they’ve ever been. And, while I’m not the same way… they dragged me along regardless. In the same way it’s hard to bring up a person who’s just sort of perpetually unhappy, regardless of how good things can get for them… they’re the opposite. It’s really, really tough to knock them down… so, yes. Their lives were horrible. But I think if you went back and looked in on them at any random day in it? Even on a bad one, that’s not the impression they would have given you.”

“...if it helps.” Shuichi again said gently, shrugging.

“Maybe that’s where little kids’ huge egos come from,” Kokichi softly snorted, though he soon sobered again. 

...just because they could weather impossibly hard times doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Hurt deeply. And it wasn’t reason for their lives to have been so bleak. For people to be so horrible to them. But…

Kokichi sighed and pressed his lips against Shuuichi’s forehead. “...I think it does. It...really helps knowing that there were times when you guys were happy. A lot of times, even. Because...I care about you, personally, so...your personal experiences matter to me. So if you were happy, even if the circumstances weren’t...then I’m glad you found that happiness.”

“...but I still wanna do my best to make every day going forward a happy one, too.”

“I can get on board with that.” Shuichi agreed, closing his eyes, enjoying the little kiss to his forehead. “Honestly, I think it’s reasonable to think things will be more peaceful going forward. Luminary’s going to be less interested in us in general because no one has any reason to believe Kaito has an influence on his cousin. The second Kaede picks an heir, Miyako goes from second to third most likely heir, and if Kaede has more than one, she’ll get lower and lower on the poll… her potential influence is far less dangerous to Kaede now. It’s hard for cousins to inherit the throne. You basically have to destroy the entire ruling family. We’ll still have to get Miyako to give up her claim to make her completely safe, but it’s way less urgent now. Which makes me feel better…”

“No ones heard from the cults in a long time… your fathers not acting like a twerp anymore… we’re progressively becoming less twerpish. Maki… might come home soon. No more wars to run off to…” Shuichi sighed, “...now we just have to help you get back to a decent weight and honestly, I think things will be more calm than they’ve ever been. It’s nice. It’s manageable...”

Looking at the door, Shuichi said, “...I hope he doesn’t spend the night in his shrine.”

As bad as Kaito felt about Miyako not getting a claim to the Luminary throne...the same thing was such a relief to Shuuichi and Kokichi. While Kokichi knew more about Luminary, and...honestly he worried for his daughter’s safety if, in another universe, it one day became her responsibility...the crux of his fears were based around Miyako becoming a leader anywhere. It was a terrible burden to place onto someone, especially a child. He didn’t want that for her. 

Shuuichi, on the other hand, knew exactly what it meant to be royalty and involved with politics in Luminary, at least before all the changes Kaede would make, and...he had a very real reason to spare his daughter from it too. 

Hopefully, for the most part, Miyako could just have a normal childhood. 

Gently, Kokichi began to stroke hair behind Shuuichi’s ear, just...contently looking at his partner. Seeing him safe and without a looming weight constantly in the backs of their minds…

“It’s a lot on its own, but...yeah. Just life is manageable. Being able to be stable enough to look back at our lives is a good sign, even if it’s hard...but we can do it.”

Another sigh as Kokichi glanced to the door. “...yeah. He’s been really...on it, I guess, lately about hanging out with Tim for a little in the afternoon… We’re back late today, but...I think Kai-chan might go check on him, at least. And...if that gets him out of the shrine...I think he’ll come to bed tonight.”

“...wish I could take the stairs already,” Kokichi huffed. “I could go check on him, if he stays late…”

“Don’t you have issues, going into the shrine?” Shuichi asked, mildly teasing, “It’s Katio’s secret weapon against you. His ball and chain ever gets too fussy? Hide in the blood room. It’s like Atua pre-made that ritual just to keep you out.”

Kokichi snorted, pressing another quick kiss to Shuuichi’s forehead. “Obviously I haven’t really been able to put any work into it, but...I’m trying to be better about...being more open with Kai-chan’s shrine. For one, since Miya’s prolly gonna pray in there sometimes, and I don’t want religion to be...like, this thing that they can’t talk about in front of me. It’s gonna be their thing, for sure, but...I want to be engaged.”

“And...it’s like that for Kai-chan too. I don’t want him to feel like it’s some secret part of his life...especially since I think...he and those two girls might be the only people in the city who worship Atua as a creator.”

“I’ve been there once, anyway,” Kokichi shrugged. “I think if my eyes are closed and he hasn’t just bloodlet, I’ll be okay.”

Shuichi sighed, “Right… Atua’s a whore god here, and a lesser one on top of that… which, we had already sort of known. Kaito’s childhood mentor told him as much. But, Kaito always rationalized it as that being Aua’s, like… ‘secret identity’, before revealing himself. I never cared one way or another… Maki just doesn’t believe. The closest she’s gotten to believing is being mad enough to threaten to fight Atua, if he ever dared show his face.”

“I know Byakuya and Kaede don’t believe either. Neither did Queen Sayaka… I always thought that was funny. That most Momota’s don’t believe in Atua.” Shuichi mused, “Who knows what King Leon believed. Guy was out of his mind…I’m glad he’s dead. I’m glad most of them are dead. A lot of innocent people got caught up in all of this, but others...I refuse to pretend to grieve them. They were evil.”

Kokichi just ran his fingers through Shuuichi’s hair for a moment, his gaze drifting to the wall. “...yeah. I never knew any of them...I have the privilege of being an outsider. I was never hurt by their day to day...or even their policy. But...they were horrible. Selfish to the point of even poisoning what was around them just to...do whatever it was they wanted.”

“...I don’t believe deaths make the world better. But...the world is better off without them able to do whatever they want.”

“...but,” Kokichi sighed. “Because of my privilege...I don’t have my own pain to focus on. So...I can focus on my love for Kaito. And despite how horrible they were, in general and specifically to him...I can see how much their deaths hurt him. So I’m sympathetic to his pain.”

“...you shouldn’t have to grieve them. You should be free to let out a sigh of relief, seeing the world better without them there.”

“...but Kai-chan needs his room to grieve too.”

Another few soft strokes. “...I wish he would be angry at them, sometimes,” Kokichi murmured. “...but I can’t control how he feels. So...I’m just going to be there for him.””

“Maybe time will make him realize how shit they are.” Shuichi grumbled… before sighing. “Alright. I know, I keep saying these things around Kaito, and it’s getting to him… I won’t say it around him. I just… don’t feel any different about it.”

“...the Cedar stuff really doesn’t bother you anymore? You’re not just saying that to get us to stop fussing about it?”

For a good few moments this time, Kokichi just silently pet Shuuichi’s hair, continually brushing it back. He had no idea if Shuuichi was actually enjoying this--though he figured his boyfriend would’ve said something if he didn’t like it--but...for him, it was a good continual motion to just...think with. 

“...she hurt me a lot,” he eventually murmured. “Not just physically. She gave me...cheap, flashy hope that I wanted so badly to believe in. ...you guys have never made me feel bad about getting sick or feeling weak, but… I mean, I’d just kind of accepted it, before. This was how it was. But...now… If I had an opportunity where...I could stop missing things so much? I could focus on our family more...maybe even...maybe even make it past eighty…”

...it was too depressing to say that he’d been hopeful to live longer. But...conveying that he was setting his expectations on longevity…

Kokichi sighed. “...I wanted to believe in it so much… And Cedar… She didn’t just weaken my body. She crushed my hope…”

“...but if there’s one thing I could say about you and Kai-chan? You guys give me hope. I may not ever have a point where I’m not fragile and prone to illness...but I have other ways to be healthy, and I have a lot of ways to be here for our family.” Kokichi smiled, looking back down at Shuuichi and placing another kiss on his forehead. “She’s just...some dumb asshole. The more important things to me are right in front of me.”

“She’s about to be a real famous dumb asshole, if Kaito gets his way. Did you know he talked to Kimigashine representatives this morning? That’s where he went this morning after breakfast, to work out letters there… honestly, I forgot what it looked like for Kaito to just decide to do something. He just barrels forward…”

Shuichi closed his eyes for a moment, again, just… enjoying the small kiss. The feeling of fingers through his hair. A peaceful, quiet affection. “... I can’t say it with the same enthusiasm as Kaito. Because even having to say it makes me a little sad… but, despite everything? Despite everything… a very real part of me thinks you’ll be okay. Long term. That you’ll get old with us. I don’t need you to be able to fuss over me and, like, bring me drinks or feel up to going out every special event… it’s enough that you’re around, being as lovely as you’re always determined to be. At the risk of Dr. Mariah giving me a funny look… you do take excellent care of us. And you care about us… you’re more than I honestly ever could have hoped for. I love you, Kokichi.”

Maybe that was her goal all along, but...Kokichi really didn’t care. As long as she never touched him or his family again, never got to take the hope of some innocent person and crush it...he was content. She could go do whatever the hell she wanted otherwise. 

As Shuuichi spoke, Kokichi’s gaze softened until his eyes were practically glimmering, though not from being about to cry--he was a little too worn out emotionally for that. But...hearing Shuuichi’s hope? When Kokichi knew how closely guarded his boyfriend usually kept it…

“Shuuu-chaaaaan…” Kokichi sniffled a bit before scooting down, taking Shuuichi as much into his arms as he could. “I love you tooooooo!”

Shuichi laughed lightly at this, doing his best to hug Kokichi back. 

“Good,” he said softly, “That’s settled, then.”

-

Doing a mindless, monotonous task was nice, Kaito had long decided.

Take a blank envelope. Put in letter. Put in portrait. Seal it. Look at list. Write latest address. Cross off address on list. Put in pile in the corner. Take a blank envelope. Put in letter. Put in portrait. Seal it. Write latest address. Cross off address on list. Put in pile in the corner. Take a blank envelope.

Letter.

Portrait.

Seal.

Address.

Corner.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repea- “Ow.” Kaito hissed, immediately bringing his hand up to his mouth, putting his tongue against the wound.

...paper cut.

He sucked on his hand for a bit, waiting for the smarting to stop, the cut to seal itself. Heh. Like the letters. Funny how a body could just… do that to itself. Close a cut super quickly. Kaito felt like it should take longer, but as he pulled his hand away, he saw the cut was already just becoming a fading line. One of many. Many little lines… some of them old. Very old.

Kaito stared at the faded white line, before going back to the process.

Letter. Portrait. Seal. Address.

… Korekiyo had been kind to him.

He had been.

He had listened when Kaito talked. He wasn’t the only one making rules. If Kaito didn’t like something, he’d say stop, and Korekiyo would listen. That counted for something. That counted for a lot. He had been kind. And considerate. And fun, and loving. He had made Kaito feel taken care of.

Envelope.

Letter.

Portrait.

Seal.

Chad had been fun. Kaito hadn’t felt… weird or stupid or like a burden around him. Chad always wanted him around, and Kaito had revelled in the attention. He hadn’t been perfect, sure, but who was? He had been a great time. Chad had been a party. Kaito had been seventeen, what else should he have been looking for but a party?

… and he hadn’t given him to those guys. That was… just not something he was capable of.

Address.

Pile.

Repeat.

… Kaito didn’t care. He didn’t care if both of them had had… not super great parts of themselves. Of the relationship. The good parts had been worth it. Kaito had felt… better. After those relationships. More sure of himself. More confident. He was someone you wanted to be around. He was fun! And charming! And fucking sexy. He wasn’t just… easy. He was way more than easy! Anyone who thought he was easy had another thing coming! He had standards! You couldn’t be just anyone. Especially not after Kore. You either were good enough, or Kaito wasn’t interested. So… there!

… his hand still kinda hurt.

Maybe he’d take a break from the letters.

Kaito felt a little alone in the room, but finally he just started saying, “Atua, who loves me… um… I know you don’t, ya know, interfere… um…” Kaito took a shaky breath, “...but, in case you do? And in case maybe… I did something or something… could I get a break? Please? Like… I don’t know… I don’t even really know what that means...and honestly, I might already be on a break? Nothings happened since… well actually no that’s a lie, Kokichi had a heart attack and my family lost the throne, so… actually, yeah, original question. Or, request. Atua who loves me… could you just… not? For awhile? Thanks…”

...and, getting bored, Kaito went back to the letters.

-

While he had to end the day in his chair, Kokichi really was getting stronger everyday. He could complete all his therapy exercises himself, and he could start taking stairs, albeit slowly and holding onto the railing. He was feeling...energetic, and like himself, almost to the point of feeling restless when he was in bed.

...it was...really nice to start feeling like himself again. 

But he also had a promise to keep. 

So, one day while Kaito was leading training down in the yard...for the first time in months, Kokichi came down too, and asked if the kids wanted to see the not-a-dungeon tomorrow afternoon after school--with parent permission to hang out after school as well. 

And...so it was a date.

Kokichi met the kids at the front of the castle, grinning brightly. “Alright! You guys ready?”

“The dungeon, the dungeon!” Kimiko cheered, throwing her hands up in the air as she beamed sweetly, Cali snickering next to her while Tim just sighed.

“It’s not a dungeon. It’s for books.” Tim explained for the thousandth time.

“A naughty book dungeon!” Kimiko cheered.

“How does a book become naughty? What, is it mugging little old ladies?” Cali asked, grinning, clearly proud of her joke. “Crime books!”

“It’s probably, like… classified information?” Tim asked, clearly not certain how valid that idea was, looking to Kokichi.

“You’re not that far off, honestly,” Kokichi hummed as he started to lead the kids to the library, his steps steady and confident. He hadn’t been able to keep the whole thing a mystery from Tim, but...that was alright. Tim felt better about going once Kokichi explained about the archive and...well, Kokichi had had a long conversation with Malcolm about showing the kids anyway, and it would probably pay in the long run for one of them to have better expectations. “A lot of those books at one point had been banned. They had ideas that the king or queen at the time didn’t like, so they weren’t allowed to be read. It’s pretty special that we even have copies of some of those books, since a lot of the time, the monarch didn’t just lock them up--they burned them, so no one could read them.”

“However...it’s not just for crime books. The archive holds really old books, ones from hundreds of years ago, some even from before Dicea became a country. They’re kept in the archive because we want to keep them safe--so the sun or temperature doesn’t damage them, and people know to be very, very careful handling them.”

Laughing lightly, Kokichi gave the kids an amused look. “To me, that’s really interesting, but I think you guys are gonna be a little more interested in seeing the room itself. I won’t spoil it, but I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

It really had been a dungeon, once upon a time. 

There weren’t any stains or vicera, and part of why they chose to house the ancient tomes there was because the room was incredibly good at keeping a moderate temperature without getting humid. But there were still cells, and while things like restraints and torture devices were mostly given to museums, there still was one cell set up to show what the things would’ve looked like in the dungeon. It wasn’t much more than shackles bolted to the wall and an old wooden bed, but Kokichi had a feeling it’d still be interesting. 

“Ooooh, forbidden books.” Kimiko gushed, giggling. She suddenly turned, taking Cali’s hand and saying, “You’ll stay with me, won’t you Cali? I don’t want to get lost in the forbidden library! It’s like straight out of a story, but the first person to get lost is always just to show, oh no… bad things can happen. I don’t want that to be me!” She insisted, though there was a sweet, amused smile on her face the whole time.

Cali, in turn, went bright red before saying, “Of course! I’ll protect you, Kimi! You can count on me!”

“We’re not going to get lost. Uncle Kokichi’s going to know where he’s going.” Tim said simply, sounding unimpressed...though…

He got quieter the closer they came to the door that Kokichi, in an effort to reassure him, had pointed out as being the entrance already. The library was in full swing, and, really, it was just an ordinary looking door, in an ordinary looking place, on a perfectly ordinary day…

But, as Kokichi got the librarian to open the door for them, the girls practically bouncing on their toes, Tim held back a little, looking warily at it. “...It’s really not actually a dungeon though, right? It’s for books?”

Kokichi gave his nephew a soft look as Malcolm opened the door, taking a look at the group and speaking more to the girls to ask before they touched anything. “It’s for books, Tim. We don’t take prisoners, and people who are in holding have rooms in the guards’ office. The only reason anyone’s come down here for hundreds of years is for the books. At the risk of being boring? It’s safe.”

With that, Kokichi started to lead the way down the small set of stairs, not claustrophobic, but definitely not equipped to accommodate a wheelchair. As they walked down, the air became a little cooler, though it wasn’t chilly and…

Honestly, if you didn’t know the history? You wouldn’t think it had been a dungeon at all. Or...close, anyway. It was well-lit, though the lights were gentle to avoid washing out the books, and it smelled like paper and leather. The floors and walls had been redone at some point, and they were well-kept, just like, kind of oddly enough, the cell bars, housing countless paneled bookcases filled with books of every size and shape. 

In the little open area they stepped into, there was an odd, wheel-like contraption, bare for now, though Kokichi had a feeling Malcolm had specifically put the books away when Kokichi asked about giving the kids a tour. 

“Welcome to the castle library archive! I know you guys wanna explore, but let’s stay as a group, okay? We can all experience it together.”

...it wasn’t that Tim didn’t believe Kokichi. It was just…

...he hesitated again. Maybe he should just not-

Kimiko took his other hand and smiled sweetly, “It’s okay, Timothy. Cali will protect us.”

...Tim scoffed at this. “I don’t need protecting.”

“Heck yeah you don’t! Because I already have it under control! Come on! I’ll lead the way! ...After Kokichi!” She amended cheerfully, Cali taking the front of the little line of hands, heading down the stairs behind Kokichi. 

Kimiko, holding two hands, had the trickiest balance issues, but she handled them gracefully, never missing a step, as Tim took the rear. And as they got to the bottom…

“Ooooooh.” Kimiko said, eyes sparkling, the first thing she was taking in the bars as she said, “It is a dungeon for naughty books!”

“...Why is there a water wheel down here?” Timothy asked, looking around quickly and, when he saw no prisoners around, or even the smell of prisoners, relaxing considerably, before his eyes focused on the book wheel. “Is it… a display or?”

“I bet it’s for when you want to pick a random book?” Cali grinned, “See the ledges? I bet you put a book on each one, and then when it’s full, you give it a good spin! And you get whichever one it lands on!”

Kokichi snorted softly, taking a good look at the book wheel too. “I kinda like that application better. Especially if you have a bunch of series you wanna start but can’t decide? The presentation would be amazing.”

“It does have an academic use, though,” he started to explain. “If you were writing a paper and needed a bunch of references from different books, then you could open up to all the sections that you needed at the same time without taking up a whole table, and also having to move around the table to see all the books easily. I’m pretty sure Malcolm uses it when he’s inspecting books for damage too, so he can do a few at a time without having to stack the books.”

“Which way do you wanna go first? There’s a display room over on the left path, and Malcolm let me know about a few cases where it’d be okay to look at the books if you guys were curious about them.”

“I guess I kinda want to see the actual books,” Cali admitted, looking curiously down the path that would lead to the displayed. “I mean… what information was so big that old kings and queens burned them?”

“Necronomica?” Kimiko guessed easily, trotting over to the bars, delighting herself by touching the metal of the bars. 

“What’s a necronomica?” Tim asked, a little wary of the bars himself, staying near Cali, though keeping a concerned eye on Kimiko, who giggled, stepping onto the bottom part of the bars, hoisting herself up a few inches.

Kimiko bent backwards, her dark hair falling off her back like a black waterfall as she smiled, “I’m not sure? A book I was reading kept referencing it, but never actually explained it? I think it summons demons though.”

Tim frowned, “...there’s no such thing as demons… but books like that shouldn’t exist anyway. It’s stupid.”

“I kinda want to read it.” Cali grinned, a little sheepish, “That sounds cool!”

“Mmmhmmm~” Kimiko hummed, before hopping off the bar, rushing back to Kokichi. “We can see the display stuff cause Cali wants too, but can we p~leeease see more dungeon stuff, Mister Kokichi? Later?”

To the kids’ grand disappointment--because Kokichi had gone to see the banned books when he was about their ages, and he had been disappointed--the vast majority of them were theses on class structure and economics. Things that would’ve put the ‘upper’ class at the time in jeopardy if people started to internalize the ideas. Considering that that had sort of happened anyway, there was no reason for the books to be banned, and while some originals were in the archive, there had been copies made over the years that you could find in modern bookstores. 

Others had been banned for...kind of the opposite reason. Books that had tried to draw a distinction between people for any reason imaginable--Kokichi had been bewildered to find a book that had tried to demonize left-handed people--to pit folks against each other, and the ruling power at the time hadn’t left it up to chance for anyone to internalize the nonsense. 

...some of the books in the archive were just ancient erotica, but Malcolm had pointed that case out to Kokichi as well to make sure he could steer the kids clear of it. 

But, and Kokichi was pretty sure there was at least one in the books they had the okay to look at, there were a few occult books in the collection. 

“The bars are okay, but careful, Kimiko,” Kokichi cautioned. “Not everything in here can support much weight.”

“Let’s go see the display, but of course we can look around more,” Kokichi promised. “I promised you guys to do a full tour, and I’ll hold that promise. It’s only fair, since you guys have been responsible too.”

As they walked, not creeping along, but taking time to look in the various cells they passed, Kokichi gave the girls an amused look. “What would you want to summon a demon for? They’re kinda known for making bad faith promises with people.”

“Promises? I wouldn’t want anything from a demon. I’d just want to see for myself that they exist.” Cali said, sounding like it was a little obvious, looking curiously in to the cells, peering at the titles of the books and finding most of them to be mildly incomprehensible to the fourth grader. “...these look like text books.” Cali pouted.

“Could you imagine being trapped down here alone… at night? All the lights are off, and you open up a book, and ta~da~! Demon!” Kimiko swooned, spinning slightly as they walked, both immensely enjoying the atmosphere of the archive, but also half in a daydream. “IIIII would wiiiiish fooooooor… I dunno~! Timothy, do you want anything?”

“I don’t want to make any deals with demons.” Timothy muttered, staying close to Kokichi’s side but keeping his eyes on the other two, “Like Kokichi said, their tricksters… and also not real.”

“You don’t have to make the deal, I’d do it for you! What if… I made you really, really strong!” Kimiko said, beaming at him, “And tall!”

“...” Timothy narrowed his eyes, “How tall?”

“Taller than your dad!”

“...Hmmmmm.” Timothy hummed. Not not interested…

She really was a curious one. Good thing demons weren’t actually real, or Cali might actually run into some trouble.

(...hmm…)

Kokichi shook his head a little and sighed in slightly feigned exasperation. “They do look like textbooks, don’t they. Unfortunately, when people have jobs like mine and the other folks in administration, a lot of the books you write are really boring. Things that are, like, even more boring than regular textbooks, since they’re the stuff that helps people write textbooks. There are some more fun books in here, though.”

Getting close to the display room--thankfully the shackles didn’t close, ‘cause even with the warnings Kokichi had a feeling Cali and Kimiko would get a little too excited--he gave Tim an amused look. “...Kai-chan would get really jealous if he heard I said this, but...I have a feeling you’re gonna be taller than him without tricky demon pacts. And finally Kai-chan can feel what it’s like to not be the tallest in the family.”

Kokichi sighed a bit at that. “Aw...once you and Miyako grow up more, I’m gonna be the shortest again…”

Perking himself up as they came to the cell still set up--though with safety features now, and kept clean--to look like a dungeon cell, Kokichi presented it to the kids. “Alright, and here’s the display!”

Timothy blinked, before looking down at his body, “...really?”

Cali sighed dramatically, her whole body in the motion, as she said, “Lucky. My moms short. I bet I got her stupid short genes. But, just you wait! I’m gonna be the toughest short person in the world! Gonna punch the SUN!”

“I l~iiiike being small.” Kimiko sang-song out, spinning again. “Caaause I can do THIS!”

Giggling, she shot forward and threw herself onto Timothy’s back, who gasped a little, but held her weight easily enough, Kimiko giving him a hug around his neck as she said, “Thank you!”

“I’m not carrying you the whole time, Kimiko.” Timothy sighed, begrudgingly holding her now though.

“Awwwww, why not? I weigh nothing, Timothy.” Kimiko told him, her voice suggesting this was obvious, “Carry me through the fields, I am but a breeze.”

“And I’m a ROCK! Tim, you can be fire!” Cali decided, as they turned the corner, heading to the new book displays.

“Why am I fire?”

“You have red hair!”

“Well, that makes you… cotton candy then.”

“I AM COTTON CAND-woah!” Cali stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide with wonder as she looked around, somewhat stupefied… before grinning wide, “That’s not books, That’s-”

“It’s a duuuungeoooooon!” Kimiko squealed in delight, hopping off of Timothy’s back and rushing into the fully furnished cell, looking in open wonder around the eerie space, the wooden bed! The bucket in the corner! The shackles!! “Wooooow!!”

Timothy looked around again, nervous and skittish, just shy of actually going into the cell itself, as he watched his two friends rush in. He looked at the cell door and… well, saw a distinct lack of cell door, just an opening where a door would have been. Standing closer to Kokichi, he said, “...it’s not real?”

“Kimi! Tim! Lock me up!” Cali shouted excitedly, pointing to the shackles.

“You’re not taaaall enough Cali.” Kimiko pointed out, seeing the shackles were slightly too high for her friend, before looking around, “Maybe the bucket?”

“Lock Prince Kokichi up!”

“No.” Timothy said sternly, giving Cali an exasperated look.

Kokichi nodded. He, honestly, had no idea how height worked, other than the decent guess that you’d be around your parents’ heights, but...with no information at all? Kokichi could see Tim being quite tall. A real powerhouse, if he kept up with his training, which Kokichi couldn’t see any signs of him wanting to quit. 

Mostly, he just knew the idea would drive Kaito crazy. 

Keeping an eye on the light roughhousing, Kokichi chuckled softly. “I gripe, but I like being small too. It means I can get into places others can’t.”

True to form, the girls rushed into the dungeon display and...well, Kokichi wasn’t too worried. They were all actually items from back in the day, but everything had been perpetually restored and stress tested to minimize the chance of accidents. The bed could support someone standing on it, the bucket wouldn’t break apart if thrown, the shackles wouldn’t drop off the wall if tugged on, and, probably most importantly, there was no door, after, historically, a few too many people accidentally locking themself in. 

As the girls fawned over the items in the cell, Kokichi came down a little to murmur to Tim and not spoil their fun. “Not a real dungeon. It’s...like a replica, to show people what it would’ve looked like, but nothing works. The shackles don’t even close, don’t worry.”

Much to the girls’ disappointment. 

Shaking his head, Kokichi walked over to the shackles, taking on into his hand and looking it over before looking back up. “We can go get a footstool, if you wanna check them out up close, but no one’s getting locked up, okay? Do you guys know about how these were used? I only know a little, admittedly.”

Timothy notably relaxed at this, but the girls were disappointed, “Awwwwwww, really? Why not? It’s fun!” Cali pouted, Kimiko giving her best puppy-dog eyes in turn. 

“They just don’t work.” Timothy said, rolling his eyes, finally coming into the room and looking around, now a bit underwhelmed since it wasn’t a real dungeon… though he said, “I bet you could still hold onto them though.”

“Footstool! Let’s get a footstool!” Cali exclaimed, Kimiko dropping her puppy-dog eyes. 

Footstools were, indeed, retrieved, and it was Kimiko who simply had to touch the shackles, and despite confirming, to her disappointment, that they didn’t close so much as an inch, she still pressed it against her wrist, trying to imagine what it might actually be like, before turning around, holding the two shackles and smiling down at Cali and Tim, who were watching her curiously, “Oh no! I’ve been captured!”

“No!” Cali shouted, eyes wide with sudden horror, “Not Kimi! Kimi’s been captured, Timothy!”

“Tragic.” Tim agreed, before looking to Kokichi, “You said you knew some stuff about them, Uncle Kokichi?”

“Pull them out of the wall, Kimiko! You’re strong! Escape!” Cali called up to her, like she was far away and not literally on footstool taller than her.

Kimiko sighed daintily, “I cannot. I must be rescued.”

Kokichi was tempted to play along with Kimiko’s theatrics, but...he figured it’d be a little more fun between the three of them. So he stood slightly to the side and nodded at his nephew. 

“The shackles were a few iterations before the restraints guards use today,” Kokichi started. “While the restraints are meant to move with the person they’re on and cause as little harm as possible, both for the person and the people around them, shackles weren’t really concerned about that at all.”

“Like…” Kokichi nodded to Kimiko, gesturing a hand to her. “Kimiko, our brave prisoner awaiting rescue--how do those feel around your wrists? I know they’re open, but even just touching the metal...what’s it like?”

“Terrible,” Kimiko said dramatically, only just remembering she couldn’t put the back of her hand to her forehead in dramatic despair last second, because she was, ya know, shackled. Though, after that, she actually felt them a bit and mused, “...scratchy. I think it’d scratch my wrist a lot.”

“Fiend!” Cali gasped, looking in horror at Kokichi, while Kimiko experimented with trying to move the shackles around the wall a bit, finding they didn’t really move all that in any direction, the links too thick and tightening against each other any way they moved. “How dare you put Kimiko in scratchy shackles!”

“They sometimes have lining inside of the brace parts.” Timothy said simply, “Like, cloth and stuff. They can fall out by accident though.”

Kokichi smiled a bit, though he quickly put on a stern expression to Cali’s horror. “She’s a prisoner. Back when Dicea used dungeons like these, keeping the prisoners safe and comfortable was not on the list of to-dos. In fact…”

His smile returned when Tim chimed in...even if there would probably always be a sad part of him wondering where Tim learned facts like that. “Right! And especially at the time, a lot of people in more active lifestyles would wear leather vambraces--like thin pieces of armor that went around your wrist and forearm. So, if you had a cloth, or were wearing one of those, the scratchiness wouldn’t bother you much.”

“...however, there were times when the people in charge of prisoners wanted the prisoners to hurt.” At that, Kokichi’s face went more serious. As macabre as the kids’ interests could be at times, this really wasn’t something to joke about. “So, they’d purposefully take away anything that could cushion the prisoners’ wrists. And, depending on how long they were held down here, the scratches could seriously hurt the prisoners.”

“You can’t move very much, right Kimiko?” Kokichi asked, nodding to the way she was testing the limits of movement in the chains and shackles. “And...you guys remember when we were doing squats against a wall? It was fine at first, but after a while it started to hurt. Keeping your arms, typically, a little up and behind you for long amounts of time was another thing that took away the comforts of the prisoners. And while this display isn’t set up for it, there used to be sets of shackles that were hung from the ceiling, so they couldn’t put their arms down at all.”

“I can’t move very much.” Kimiko agreed, her voice light and soft as she moved the shackles around little by little. “...But I can do this~”

And, bringing her legs up from the footstool, properly hanging now, she pulled her arms inwards, and with only a small grunt, did a hand stand against the grip on the shackles.

Cali and Tim both watched this, wide eyed… clap. Clap. clap.

“Hee~hee!” Kimiko giggled… before saying urgently, “I don’t know how to get back down someone please catch me!” as her arms started to shake.

Kokichi watched, stunned and impressed, and he was very glad everything in the room was stress-tested. 

Quickly Kokichi stepped forward and put his arms against Kimiko’s back, letting her know physically he was there. “Whoa! That was really impressive! But, easy, try to let your legs down first...there you go.”

Kimiko squeaked nervously, immensely relieved to feel a hand on her back, though she still wasn’t sure how to lower herself back down. She had never actually done this before. She had simply been looking at the shackles, feeling out the weight, and realized she knew how to get herself up! And once she could visualize it, hadn’t been able to resist trying it. 

B-but staying up was hard and getting down didn’t feel as natural and it was scary and-

Breathing, listening to Kokichi, she lowered her legs, the fall halfway controlled, though she lost some of the control her arms at the last second, squealing in alarm as it felt like for a moment she was falling. But, thankfully, Kokichi had her, and she looked up sheepishly at him, already feeling his arms start to shake as she said, “Th-thank you! I can stand up now, Mister Kokichi!”

...hhhhhhhhokay.

Kokichi had been...elated to get to do something like this with the kids. Especially since he hadn’t been going to training, he didn’t get to see them as much, and before his attack, even when they did do stuff together… He knew the kids were happy he was there, otherwise they would just completely ignore him. But sometimes it really felt like he couldn’t keep up with Kaito’s dadly roughhousing and Shuuichi’s cool mystique. 

Getting to show them something cool and...being The Adult there? He was glad he could be that for them. 

And he was glad he was in shape enough to be able to hold Kimiko’s weight, if just for a moment. 

Letting out a slightly heavier breath, Kokichi smiled at the young girl and gently let her hold her own weight on the stool again. “You’re welcome. That was really cool, Kimiko, but let’s try to have a little more of a plan next time. That way it can be even cooler. Are your wrists alright?”

Kimiko, now that she wasn’t barely holding herself up upside down over an unforgiving cement floor, beamed up at him, entirely at ease, and incredibly pleased by the compliment. Though she looked down at her wrists… “They’re kinda red and stingy.” She pouted, showing them to Kokichi, where her wrists did looked rubbed a little red and raw, though thankfully not the point of tearing.

“Can I have a turn with the shackles!?” Cali called out, at ease as well, now that Kimiko was fine. 

Timothy, in turn, dug into his pants pockets, looking… before pulling out a small roll of pre-medicated white bandage, one of the things his mother had left behind for him that he kept on him. Handing it to Kokichi, he said, “Here you go.”

Kokichi hummed sympathetically, looking over Kimiko’s wrists. Thankfully no cuts...just irritated and a little raw, but she’d be alright with just-- Kokichi blinked, looking at the bandage Tim handed over, a little surprised since...he’d just been about to pull out the same kind. Smiling wide, Kokichi accepted the bandage. “Thanks, Tim. Always prepared! Your mom would be very proud.”

Murmuring to Kimiko a bit about what kind of bandages these were--what to do if they got wet, when it would be okay to take them off, and what to do then, what to do if her wrists were still hurting--Kokichi glanced up at Cali. “If you wanna, but be careful. I have extra bandages too, just in case, but try not to get hurt, alright? These weren’t made to be safe, even if we’ve done our best to make ‘em that way.”

Cali… mostly ignored that good advice.

But it didn’t matter, because she couldn't even begin to pull herself up like Kimiko had, just uselessly hanging as she grunted, trying to pull herself up and getting nowhere. Not for a lack of muscle, she just… had no coordination over her body. Timothy, because he could be a cruel friend, kept openly encouraging her. Kimiko, because she was a good friend, also did so.

“So close that time, Cali!”

“One more try, I think you almost got off the wall.”

“Auuuugh!” Cal grunted trying again, face red from effort… before sighing. Getting back on the footstool. “No good. Bandages please!” she said cheerfully, showing her own reddened and blistering hands to Kokichi proudly.

Well, you could lead a horse to water… It was why Kokichi had come prepared with medical supplies today. And why he didn’t ask Malcolm to unlock any of the other cells ahead of time. 

“It was a good effort. We can practice hand-stands again some time during training.” Like he had for Kimiko, Kokichi dutifully looked over Cali’s wrists, though he noticed the sides of her hands were a little irritated too, likely from trying harder to flip herself over. Nothing that looked like it needed bandages, but…

Kokichi hummed softly as he wrapped up her wrists. “If the sides of your hands start hurting later, ice packs will be your friend. Also, doing a stretch like this?” Kokichi demonstrated, holding his own hand out like he was making a ‘stop’ motion, though he spread his fingers wide, then together in slow motions. “That’ll help too. It’s one of the stretches I do for writing and drawing, but it helps with a lot of other stuff.”

Cali mimicked the hand motion, and though she winced a little at the stretch against her raw hands, she laughed when she saw Tim and Kimiko immediately start mimicking the motion too, just curious how it felt. The three of them then entertained each other exaggeratingly doing the motion to each other, like was some strange new form of greeting, before Cali finally turned to Kokichi, a wide grin on her face.

“Can we see the necronimnon now?”

“Necronomi-Con.” Kimiko corrected.

“Are we done being prisoners? I thought we had to rescue Kimiko.” Timothy pointed out dryly.

“Nah, Kokichi already did. Let’s go! Demon book, demon book!”

Oh noooo, that was really cute! Kokichi grinned, watching the kids try out the stretch as he stood up from the crouch he’d been in to wrap Cali’s wrists. Maybe he’d teach them some other hand exercises--might help out in school, once they started writing more. 

Leading the way out of the display cell, Kokichi started heading over the other way, thinking of where some occult books might be, in the few that he knew would be able to stand up to kid clumsiness. But even with that in mind. “Hey, remember what I said about responsibility. These books are very old and fragile--it’s special we’ve been able to keep them this long. I’ve gotten permission so we can take a look at some, but we have to be really careful; there’s not a replacement for these.”

“But let’s see if we can find a demon book. It might be like one of those things they talk about in legends, where a book will only reveal itself when the worthy person is around to read it. Though...I kinda like the regular books that are weapons’ journals… They have some cool drawings in them.”

“Oooooh, weapons journals?” Cali asked, interest immediately piqued, though Kimiko was still very into the demon book.

“I’m gonna get Timothy superpowers!” Kimiko said cheerfully, skipping along with the group on their way to the books.

“There’s no such thing as demons.” Timothy muttered, twitching. “And I don’t want super powers anyway.”

“The super power to be taaall!”

“:...” Timothy pouted a little. Being tall now would be cool… but meeting demons wouldn’t be. That’d be… stupid and bad.

The kids were excited, in their own ways, but once they actually got to the books, they did calm down. Perhaps it was the smell of them: there was something ‘fragile’ in the air, a sort of brittle dustiness that suggested care needed to be taken. So, watching curiously as Kokichi took down a book to show them, the three huddled around, not touching themselves, but curious to see some ‘forbidden’ texts.

As Kokichi had unlocked the cabinet, he cautioned the kids that they could look, but if they saw any titles that they wanted to look at more, they should ask him to take it out. And...it wasn’t entirely necessary, but Kokichi put on a pair of finely knit gloves to touch the books with, explaining to the kids that it was to keep the oils from his hands from staining and breaking down the pages. 

Again, these particular books were okay to be handled a little more. But just because they weren’t as ancient as some of the others…

“Ah, let’s see here…” Kokichi hummed, taking out the first book and gently opening it, sitting at a stool in the room to easily hold the book for the kids to see. “From the label on the shelf, this is a journal from a mercenary that lived in central Dicea about three hundred years ago. I’m taking a guess here, but the leather it’s bound with is probably something the mercenary hunted, and traded services to have tanned so they could use it for the journal. It was a common practice at the time.”

Hunted? Cali’s brow furrowed slightly, “That’s… an animal?” She asked, not entirely certain how she felt about that. 

“That’s what leather is, yeah.” Timothy said simply, looking at the book with what could be called ‘polite interest’, though Kimiko looked absolutely enchanted. “Skin.”

“Leather is skin?” Cali balked, looking stunned.

“Cool~” Kimiko gushed, not having known this either.

“Blegh.” Cali pouted, wrinkling her nose. “...What’s a mercenary?”

“Soldier for hire.” Timothy said, as at the exact same time, Kimiko said, “The love interest.” the two of them looking at each other, a little confused by the others answer.

Kokichi gave Cali a sympathetic look, knowing quite well potentially what the young girl was feeling. “It can be a bit weird when you think about it. But since people hunt animals for meat, they started using the other parts of the animal for things as well. For some people, they have a religious belief that if you kill an animal, you must use every part of it as respect for its life. So...furs are used for jackets and blankets, to keep us warm. Skins are used for leather. People use bones for tools, and there have been scientists that found that people used the smaller bones for things like playing dice. You can use fat for making candles, and as general grease. A lot of people have different opinions about it...but personally, I think it’s good that if we’re using an animal for any of those purposes, then we use the rest of its body too.”

Kokichi looked a bit amused at Tim and Kimiko’s simultaneous answer, though he took a moment to think over his answer. “Considering a lot of mercenaries in Dicea’s history were never soldiers, and a lot of them lived at times where there weren’t other soldiers in the country, I think they might’ve used a different term...but, essentially, yeah. They were typically skilled fighters who sold their skills. Typically, people would hire them to protect towns from bandit groups or dangerous wildlife, but people would hire them for other things too, like manual labor or keeping watch over a typically peaceful area. A lot of mercenaries had personal rules about what sort of jobs they’d take.”

Giving Kimiko a grin, Kokichi had a bit of a knowing glint in his eyes. “And because they were kinda seen as the sort of people who were very skilled and played by their own rules, they’re a very popular subject in books. Romance novels included. Though...because there aren’t really mercenaries around Dicea today, I can see why you’d think they were from fiction.”

“Ah, fun fact, one of Dicea’s first kings was a mercenary! I got his card from the magic shop we all went to over the winter.”

“Oh, I got one of those cards! I don’t remember her name, but she had pretty hair.” Kimiko said fondly, “It looked like it sparkled.”

Cali who was still reeling over the idea that candles were also made of animal-- how?? Candles don’t smell like bacon! -- managed to pull back from the shock long enough to sigh in disappointment, “I got one. It was King Aiichi. Boooooring.”

“He successfully won a war. He’s not that boring.” Tim said good-naturedly, though at least to himself he had to admit, once he had realized King Aiichi was the actual king, and not Kokichi, he had been… a little disappointed. For holding back a fifteen year siege, the guy was...well, yeah. Boring. It was kind of like meeting the guy he had thought he had fought to the death in the battlefield. Like, once ya met him, it was kind of embarrassing, how tough an opponent he had ended up being, and how afraid of him Tim had been. There was nothing terribly intimidating or impressive about either of them, other than their inexplicable but undeniable ability to kill soldiers.

Not that Kokichi would have been any less disappointing a successful war leader to meet. But, if anything, seeing how… tiny and frail the Dicean leader-- he had thought-- was had only made Timothy more furious with Kaito and the marriage.They had finally managed to get their soldiers into the capital, something his general dreamed about and his fellows soldiers had died pursuing, the leader was right there, a total stick of a person, and Prince Kaito wanted to waste this perfect opportunity marrying him?

Traitor.

...Timothy sighed a little at himself, letting the rush of anger go basically as soon as it filled him, emptying out again in seconds. He… still didn’t entirely understand, why the marriage had ended the war. He didn’t entirely understand why the war had ended at all. Mom said that the war hadn’t been important. That the kings had simply said it was, but had lied.

...Timothy thought that was a tough thing to lie about. It had all certainly felt important…

“Timmy, would you wanna be a mercenary? I could wish for that when I get my demon! And then you can be a king someday too!” Kimiko said, pulling her friend out of his musings.

Timothy considered this, before shaking his head, “Nah. I met a few mercenaries, and everyone laughed at them. My general said that you only hire mercenaries for things you’d like to get done, but don’t want to throw away your men on in suicide missions, and that it didn’t hurt anything to get rid of guys like that anyway… but, I think if they were the kind of mercenary you’re describing, Uncle Kokichi, maybe he would have liked them more. I think mercenaries in Luminary were just people who didn’t like the military but liked killing people. No one really liked them, cause they were jerks to everyone. I can’t imagine them doing manual labor or helping guard quiet towns. That part sounds kinda cool. Like heroes in old stories.”

“Are you… planning to keep the demon now, Kimi?” Cali asked, giving her friend an incredulous look.

“A demon pet.” Kimiko said with a soft, happy swoon, “Wouldn’t that be neat~?”

“Brokering peace is definitely note-worthy, but...yeah, my father is pretty boring,” Kokichi softly laughed. “Can absolutely smoke me in Mancala, though. I don’t think there’s quite enough data to rank Dicean leaders by how good at board games they are, so that’s probably not making it onto any cards.”

Kokichi hummed quietly as Tim described what Luminary mercenaries were like, and...that tracked. Considering how organized their military was, Kokichi couldn’t imagine a place going undefended unless that was on purpose, and for the smaller things that happened in stories of Dicean mercenaries...he wasn’t sure. But it might fall under the ‘do it yourself’ camp. Or...waiting for a hero. 

“The way people wrote about it, life in early Dicea was very ‘see a need, fill a need’. In some ways, many of the stories of mercenaries are kind of our versions of hero stories.” Kokichi grinned at the kids, though he shrugged a little. “Miiiiight just be my bias. I really loved reading about old adventures like that.”

Seeing that the kids were losing interest in the journal, but hadn’t picked anything out themselves, Kokichi skimmed through the labels on the side of the shelf, trading the journal for a botany guide...that was also apparently a how-to on bird ponds and self-sustaining living. Old titles could definitely get a bit long-winded. He wasn’t sure if this would really be occult, but sometimes there were old superstitions and rituals that the kids might find interesting. 

“If you were planning on getting a pet, I’d think you should ask your mom first, Kimiko,” Kokichi cautioned, a little amused with her infatuation with the idea. 

“I don’t think mommy would mind.” Kimiko mused, bouncing onto the top of her feet a bit, looking idly at the small lined drawings of birds. “Mommy said that so long as you took good care of them, it’s okay to have pets, but to never let someone make you a pet.”

Timothy raised an eyebrow at that. “Your mom told you to never be a pet? ...why?”

Kimiko shrugged, “I dunno. But it sounded important. Don’t let anyone make you a pet, Kimiko. You’re better than that.”

“If I could have a pet… that bird would be kinda cool.” Cali said appreciatively, pointing to a picture of a humming bird eating from some flowers.

“My dad says birds make terrible pets.” Timothy said, “He had a pet bird as a kid. He said it bit and shat on him a lot.”

“I would teach it to shit on and bite other people!” Cali decided. “She’ll be a battle bird!”

“Mom wanted to make Chase a battle dog.” Timothy huffed, looking mildly exasperated, “I think she’s alright as a dog-dog.”

“Chase is too sweet to be a battle dog. She can be a normal pet, along with my future demon.” Kimiko decided.

Kokichi raised his eyebrows a bit, finding it... (...the ambassador of Danganronpa...of course. But if she was telling Kimiko...and Tsumugi had always seemed to genuinely love her daughter…)...fitting. “...not something you hear everyday, but...I think that’s good advice. Pets don’t exactly have input in their life… For a person? It’s not really a position you wanna be in.”

Mostly, Kokichi was muttering to himself, knowing that it was something that would...pretty much just go over the kids’ heads. What was a little more on topic was them talking about their own current and future (at least in wants) pets. 

Smiling at Cali, Kokichi gave her an excited look. “If you’re interested in birds, have you seen the falconers in town? A...sheesh, I guess it would be three years ago now? They had a program during Harvest where the birds would do a bunch of tricks, like spinning in the air and fetching things from far away. It was really cool...even if my husband doesn’t really have a high opinion on birds. Or snakes.”

“He’s a weirdo who likes fish. Who likes fish?” Timothy asked, looking genuinely baffled. “They don’t do anything.”

“They’re kind of pretty sometimes.” Kimiko shrugged, though, she was also in the mind of, if you could have any pet, why pick fish?? When you could have a DEMON! Or a cat.

“Oh, I saw that! I saw that!” Cali said, looking excited… before suddenly looking embarrassed, “...I got scared and cried. Dad had to take me to get ice cream. Sara felt real bad, cause dumb six year old me didn’t understand what awesome looked like, and got all freaked out and stuff at their beaks, I guess.”

“Fish are pretty,” Kokichi agreed, though he added, “And they can be pretty unique too. Our counselor has some giant koi that we got to pet, and I’ve heard people talking about their fish that form sorts of games, either with things in their tank or with their owner.”

He gave Cali a sympathetic look as he carefully turned the page of the journal, seeing the kids’ wandering gazes as either they had finished reading the page, or weren’t interested enough to. “Things can be really scary if we’re not used to them. Even today some people train raptors as hunting birds, so seeing a new predator like that? If I’d been in your position, I’d probably be a little freaked out too. It’s nice, though, when you learn more and find out that the thing that scared you is really cool. It makes the world a more interesting place, in my opinion.”

“It’s hard to imagine you’re afraid of anything, Mister Kokichi.” Kimiko admitted, “You were really brave in the haunted house~”

“Except the spider room, but… like, fair? That room was terrifying. I died, guys, I’m dead and your dearest, most beloved friend is now a ghost.” Cali informed them dramatically, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“No big loss.” Timothy said dryly.

“What!? I’m your best friend! Grieve me!”

“A moment of silence for Cali Fornia.” Timothy said solemnly, bowing his head, Kimiko pulling up her shirt and pretending to sniffle as she dabbed at her eyes with the collar of her shirt. A moment later… “Alright. Good enough?”

“A beautiful moment. I can rest in peace.” Cali agreed, before suddenly pointing to one of the higher books, saying excitedly, “That one has TEETH!”

Kimiko and Timothy squinted up at the binding of the top book… before finally it was Timothy who said, sounding baffled, “I thought she was being stupid but no, that’s definitely teeth.”

Up near the top shelf, was a large, dark red scaled leather book, clearly made with the head of something, old fangs closing together over the pages. It felt more like a creature with a book inside it, rather than a book made of leather. There was no title on it. Where a title would be, there was a series of bumps where eyes may have once been, which now had glass within it, melted into the glasses an intricate symbol.

...couldn’t see him being scared, huh? Kimiko would probably never realize it until she was much older, if she even remembered this conversation, but...wow. There was no confidence boost quite like a nine-year-old telling you they thought you were fearless. Kokichi grinned, incredibly flattered, though he recovered in time to, in gesture, contribute to the moment of respect for Cali’s death. 

Looking up at the book Cali gestured to...Kokichi just rolled his eyes at himself as he prepared to swap out the books and retrieve the one with the teeth. Of course the kids would be interested in something like that, why hadn’t he just picked it out first? 

Honestly...Kokichi could barely remember what was in it. Not because he had a vast knowledge of all the books in the archive--he’d mostly been using the labels and his general knowledge to fill things in--but...well, a book looking like that? It was hard to forget. ...at least, that he had looked through it at one point. 

It was...a book of legends? Maybe? 

Carefully opening up the book from the lip of the cover, not wanting to risk damaging the teeth, Kokichi held it for the kids to look at. “Man...why don’t people style books like this today? It might be a little more inconvenient to store, but it’s so cool…”

Cali looked a little grossed out at the cover of the book, as excited as she had been for the fangs-- and fangs were definitely what they were, nothing human came out that sharp-- still grappling with the whole ‘skin’ concept, but Kimiko and even Timothy looked absolutely fascinated at the odd, terrifying looking book. “...well, if anything was gonna get Kimiko her pet demon.” Tim muttered, his fascination melting mildly into wariness, though his interest in it overwhelmed every ‘bad vibes’ instinct he had.

“Pet demon! Open it up, open it up!” Kimiko begged, looking, just, so hopeful and excited, her eyes practically sparkling.

Unfortunately, when the book opened, it was just more pictures and words, and no suddenly spontaneously opening portals or summoned creatures from the netherworld. Still, the kids looked on, fascinated, their eyes scanning the pages as Kokichi carefully turned them, showing different parts of the massive book, before Cali realized, “It’s like… a list of make believe stuff?” 

Kokichi opened the page to an illustration of a ship on a dangerously shifting ocean, waves crashing against it, as a massive, tentacled beast rose ominously from the water, some of the tentacles startling to pull the ship apart, as Cali read aloud, “The Kr..Kraken?” She worked out, looking to Kokichi for confirmation, the handwriting font a little tough to read for the fourth grader, though she kept on valiantly, “A legendary sea monster, gigantic in size and cep...cepha…” Cali’s brow furrowed, not recognizing that word. “Cepha…”

Kimiko peered at it, while Tim glanced over it before saying idly, “Cephalopod.”

“Cephalopod-like appearance.” Cali paused, “What’s that mean?”

“Beware!” Kimiko continued reading, “Avoid this creature at all costs. While it’s territories are well known and marked for sailors to take heed too, when it grows hungry, it’s been known to hunt outside of it’s known borders. Do not try to fight it. If the Kraken attacks the ship, consider the ship lost and evacuate as fast as possible into lifeboats, before the kraken starts to submerge, in which case the whirlpool will make escape impossible and all is lost.”

“Grim.” Tim said, “Weird way to talk about a legend. They make it sound real.”

Ah, that was right… There were some more story-like legends in this book, but...Kokichi couldn’t really call it a collection of fairytales. It read more like a bestiary than anything. 

“Cephalopods are a category of animal,” Kokichi started to explain, once Kimiko had finished the macabre almost...warning, rather than description. “Like how we call the little tweeting birds songbirds, even though they each have their own specific name. Animals like squids and octopi are cephalopods.”

“But...the Kraken, huh? I think Kai-chan talked about it once, though he called it by a different name…” 

Kokichi shook his head a little before nodding to Tim. “I can’t say what purpose the author of this book wrote it for, but while some magical creatures were always kind of fun legends, there were some that people genuinely believed that they existed. Ways to explain things that they didn’t quite understand. I can imagine some stories about this Kraken were made to explain ships hitting hidden corals or unusually rough waters and being split apart.”

“...though,” he hummed, “Some people do kind of believe this stuff today. It’s always felt like he’s teasing me, but my dad, Ikuo, has always told me about creatures and magic beings he’s met like he’s telling a genuine story. I’m...really not sure if he’s just joking, though…”

“Mommy used to leave little treats on the windowsill or in the garden after it snowed, and she’s making little footsteps in the snow with her fingers, like this,” Kimiko explained, making it like her index and middle finger were walking along, “And say little elves were leaving me gifts… but she said not to trust fairies. They’re tricksters, and can be dangerous.”

“...like, did she mean that for real, or…?” Cali asked.

Kimiko shrugged, “Mommy likes to joke about funny things. Next page!”

The next few pages were maps of the Kraken’s territory, some drawings of the Kraken’s most likely anatomy-- the book stressed this was purely from second hand observation and speculation, as if you were close enough to see the kraken more than just when the tentacles and head started to rise from the water, then you weren’t going to survive long enough to tell anyone what you saw-- and other things like that, before…

“Sirens.” Cali read, before glancing down… and turning bright red, “She has no top!”

Timothy and Kimiko also gawked at the, mmmm, detailed artist rendition of what could best be described as a more fierce looking mermaid, wild hair, sharp teeth, glowing eyes and scales that led to a sharp, wicked looking tail… and, just, some knockers on her. Lovingly drawn knockers.

...huh. Elves? And fairies… Though Kokichi had heard that about fairies too. Really, fairies and demons often seemed to be two sides of the same coin. 

...maybe he should get a copy of this book to read in his own time. 

Kokichi glanced down, but not in time as the kids gawked and...while it was just a body part? The artist had obviously fixated on the siren’s breasts. Sighing a little, Kokichi gave the kids a gentle look. “We can turn the page if you’re uncomfortable, but it’s just a part of the body. You’ve seen people with breasts without their shirts on in the summer, right?”

Kimiko and Cali shrugged, though they were still curiously looking at the picture, as Cali said, “Yeah, but, like… you’re not supposed to look. Dad says it’s rude…” Cali, in turn, seemed to be taking full opportunity to actually properly look, Kimiko giggling, nodding in agreement, while Tim...

Tim just turned bright red, and wasn’t looking at the paper at all anymore. Too embarrassed to admit he was embarrassed. He couldn’t remember, uh… ever seeing boobs. The one time a member of his squad had tried to show him some dirty magazines for fun, another squad member saw what was happening and beat the shit out of him for it. Timothy still wasn’t entirely certain why his second class had been so upset, but no one had tried it again after that, and Tim had never felt inclined to find out more.

“...yeah. Just body parts.” Tim muttered, trying to glance over and then looking away again. Fidgeting uncomfortably.

“It’s rude to stare,” Kokichi easily agreed, “But, I mean...I think people would feel the same discomfort if you stared intently at their arm or something. This drawing, admittedly, though...is a bit much.” 

...he should...probably vet the rest of the drawings before he turned the page next, though.

Noting Tim’s discomfort, Kokichi nodded to Kimiko. “You did a really good job reading the last page--why don’t you read this one out loud and then we can turn the page?”

Kimiko puffed a bit, clearly proud to be trusted with the task, while Timothy stared at his feet a bit, glancing up occasionally for a second or two. “Sirens! A nereid, otherwise categorized as a corrupted form of sea nymph, are a strand of ancient mermaids that developed isolated on the dangerous coasts of empty islands or deep within otherwise unpopulated caverns.” 

“Beware!” She continued dramatically, “Do not confuse sirens for their mermaid cousins or their sea nymph ancestors. While changing tides have starved sirens enough to venture past their ancestral homes, they’re extremely underdeveloped socially and mentally, borderline feral creatures, who cannot seem to differentiate between sentient and non-sentient meat sources. Some sirens have managed to learn a hunting technique where they sing out to sailors to lure them closer to their dangerous rocky coasts, hoping to crash ships and feast on their crew, and some sailors claim that the sirens spoke in full, complete sentences of common, bidding them for help. All official attempts to verify the ability to communicate or confirm intelligence in sirens has denounced these claims of communication as cabin fever hallucinations, sailors misinterpreting random musical notes for language in a bid to justify their often near instant attraction to the humanoid looking creatures.” 

Cali raised an eyebrow… before giggling, “Sirens sound kind of cool. Viscous, pretty fish monsters. That’s fun. Though, kind of a bummer the writer wanted so badly for them not to be intelligent. I think it’s more fun if they’re just, like… kinda mean and intelligent. That’s how I’d write it.”

“So write your own book of legends.” Tim muttered.

As soon as Kimiko finished talking Kokichi turned the page, making sure that there weren’t any, er...well, types of drawings that Kaito would end up ogling at for a little too long. If he knew his husband well enough, he could imagine thinking that a creature sexily singing someone to their death could be kinda hot. 

“Oh, that sounds like it could be a pretty fun project, actually. Getting stories from people or making up your own, making drawings to accompany them? Very cool,” Kokichi hummed.

Thinking about the sirens themselves, though… “Hm. Like...in animal studies, I know why people are hesitant to say how ‘intelligent’ animals are, since...well, it’s like constantly comparing them to humans, when...they’re completely different, you know? Different creatures can have different types of intelligence that serves them well. And trying to claim that their intelligence works the same as ours means that people will draw conclusions about behavior that isn’t necessarily true. It can actually make learning about something much harder, if you expect it to behave like us.”

“...I’m not really sure that’s why they described the sirens like that, though. Feels a little...gross to assume they’re not intelligent just ‘cause they haven’t socialized with other people.”

Turning the page again, once they read a little more about sirens, Kokichi...paused. His face going blank, and a little confused. His amethyst eyes going far away. 

Taking up an entire page was a drawing of a dragon.

“Oooooooooh, dragon!” Cali grinned, admiring the drawing, Timothy finally relaxing and not staring at his feet anymore. Looking over the drawing, impressed mostly by the wings. “Timothy, have you ever seen a dragon before!?”

Tim rolled his eyes, “I’m assuming you mean a ‘picture’, and yeah, duh. Everyone knows dragons.”

Kimiko giggled at that, nodding, “Big, fire breathing lizards! With wings! I bet they’d make good pets.”

Cali frowned at that, “I think they’d be too big. It’d be like keeping a whale as a pet…” she furrowed her brow, “Actually, no, that’s sounds amazing, I take it all back.”

Tim, though he wasn’t sure what made him look, glanced up at his uncle and saw the far away look in his eyes. “Are you okay, Uncle Kokichi?”

“Does the dragon make you nervous?” Kimiko asked, looking exaggeratedly surprised, entirely joking, before announcing, “Don’t worry! Cali will protect you!” 

“Heck yeah! No dragon’s getting past me!” 

(...she was so big. So...powerful. It was no wonder she could shape the world around her--it was what she was made for. 

She was still his friend, no matter what.)

Kokichi blinked, focusing in on the kids before he let out an exaggerated sigh of relief. “Oh man, thank you, Cali. I dunno if it’s just propaganda, but there are too many stories about dragons kidnapping princes and guarding them away. Usually you need a brave knight to come to the rescue, but I think you fit the bill in all but name!”

“Though…” he tilted his head to the side, “There are also a lot of stories about dragons being protectors of, like, mountains and the deep sea, and bringing good luck, so...who knows?”

“What does the book have to say about it. I wonder what we will have to B~EEEWAAAARE!” Kimiko giggled, watching with interest as Kokichi carefully turned the page, searching the page.

There was a lot of words, but this time, there was no ‘Beware’. Instead… “Extinct!?” Cali said, looking baffled and a little offended, “Why? That’s not fun. Whoever wrote this doesn’t understand what fun is.”

Timothy was the one who read aloud, “Large, serpentine creatures, during their time, dragons were a culturally and physically diverse species, found in almost every part of the world, with different characteristics based on their ancestral evolved regions. Though extinct now, dragons were powerful, both physically and in magical properties, long-lived, and incredibly intelligent. While extremely territorial, territories of dragons were generally considered safer to be territories, as dragons, while usually living in isolation or with their broods, would still protect entire regions from outside influence, that protection including the inhabitants of the regions, which dragons considered part of their Hoards, or, ‘treasures’. For this reason, dragon-kind is considered one of the oldest recognized forms of monarchies, and their sudden loss was considered the primary reason for the sudden rise of royalty-based nations, regions attempting to hastily replace the structure and protection the loss of their dragons created.”

“Records are difficult to find, as many official documentations of dragons were deliberately sought out and destroyed during the Dark Ages in history, so named for the world-wide concentrated effort from newly rising or dominating species to temporarily halt the writing of information and, in turn, re-write historical texts in the chaos to better hide and support their own regimes. However, it is widely understood that what could be generously called a ‘smear campaign’ happened around the whole of dragon-kind, depicting them as tyrants and mass-murderers, devouring their protected regions, by species that were particularly vulnerable to dragon abilities and wished to be done with the danger to themselves dragons provided. Fooled by the propaganda, said regions rose up against them, and in a concentrated effort by this world-wide campaign, dragons were hunted into extinction.”

“Oooooh, cool…” Cali whispered, caught up in the ‘story’ now, no longer annoyed at the extinction status, “Turn the page!”

Turning the page, Timothy kept reading, “While the dragons fought for their species valiantly, it is said the last dragon to stay standing against the sieges was the Ancient Red Dragon, a fire-based dragon whose territories were the western desert mountains of the-” Tim read the continent name, recognizing it as their own, and if it was west... “...oh? Isn’t that Luminary?”

“Neat~.” Kimiko said, “You guys get a dragon!”

“Hmm…” Tim did look a little pleased by this, his eyes newly lighting up, keenly interested in this ancient Luminary dragon, though Luminary specifically wasn’t named, as he continued, “The ancient red dragon, who’s name was lost to the sabotage of the Dark Ages, is still remembered through songs and oral folk tales, passing on the tale of the last of the dragons stand against the siege of its territory, having survived till then partly due to its power, strategy, and the loyalty of its hoard, who had yet to be caught up in the anti-dragon propaganda. According to these legends, it was a full scale direct attack from the conspiring species that finally took down the territory, and killed the dragon, the mountains that the dragon nested in so destroyed by the dragons own furious fires during the battle that they were demolished mostly to rock and sand by the end of the siege, changing the landscape of the region entirely.”

“While dragons, in hindsight, were perhaps too dangerous to exist, the rise against them arguably an inevitability from those who could not hope to compete with them otherwise, the world is inarguably an emptier place without them.” Kimiko finished, reading the final sentence softly, before laughing a little, “Awwww… that makes it all sound kind of sad.”

“I thought it was awesome. What a story.” Cali gushed, all three of the kids looking incredibly pleased by that.

...so it was propaganda. 

...Kokichi could almost imagine it. A monarchy centered around a dragon… It almost felt like some of the religioned he’d learned about that would honor and leave offerings to spirits, though more political than religious. A world knowing that...you had this great leader that would protect you no matter what, and would do right by you out of a reciprocated sense of loyalty. 

And because of that...he could see there not being...really any chance to change your standings. Why someone would want to challenge that. 

...sure there had been a way to do it without extinction, though...right?

...if such a thing actually happened. 

“Huh…” Kokichi hummed, his eyes skimming over the text again. “There’s a lot to it, but that bit about the last dragon...it almost reads as a sort of creation myth for Luminary--why it’s a desert, and all that. That’s...a really cool detail to include.”

“...a little weird that they didn’t include what the species that conspired against the dragon were, though. Since everything else is so detailed. Maybe it was a part of the story the author hadn’t thought yet, and never caught to go back and fix.”

Kimiko nodded, finding that interesting now that Kokichi had mentioned it… before giggling, “Maybe the writer was afraid of getting their attention? I wouldn’t want to fight someone who killed dragons.”

“It sucks that they got their own… what’d they call them?” Cali looked through the texts, “‘Hoards’... what does that mean? People, right? That’s what it seemed like. It sucks that they got the hoards to fight their own dragons.”

“Mmm… it is cool we have a dragon legend.” Timothy said, ‘we’ being himself and Luminary, “... I wonder why I haven't heard about it before? You think maybe it was just made up for this book?”

Kokichi nodded a bit. If dragons were thought by some to be too powerful to exists, physically and magically; if they could turn mountains into deserts, and someone managed to kill them? How could you hope to stand against them? At least as an individual. You would need incalculable time to plan and organize with a ton of people to hope to stand a chance. 

Looking over to the section Cali was referencing, Kokichi nodded again. “I think, in terms of dragons, a hoard is just...what they would consider precious and theirs. From what the book said, since the dragon territories were...basically countries? And the dragon was the monarch of that country? Then, yeah, part of their hoard would be people. I guess...the author was really of the mindset that no matter how powerful you are, you’ll still be able to be outnumbered.”

Laughing softly, Kokichi gave the book a skeptical look. “This book has a rather convenient out on that question, Tim. Since most texts were destroyed and rumors going against dragons were spread as propaganda. I think...because of that, there’s no real way to know if the story had been made up for the book, or if it was something the author had heard.”

“There...actually isn’t a date for this one,” curiously, “But the label guesses that it was from...maybe around 600 years ago? So maybe stories from the country Luminary was at that time had just...faded over time. Kai-chan told me that he hadn’t found a whole lot about Luminary before his family took over.”

Timothy shrugged a little at that-- it had never occurred to the nine year old, either independently, or through his history classes, that there was history before the Momota family revolution-- before saying, “I mean, it’s all make-believe anyway. But it’s still pretty cool.”

“Do you think you’d want a mermaid pet?” Cali asked Kimiko, looking at her friend curiously, who puffed her cheeks out and seemed to give this some serious thought as Cali continued, “They’re pretty. Nicer than demons.”

“Maaaaaybe… but… aren’t mermaids kind of just ‘people’? But with fins?” Kimiko pointed out.

Cali’s brow furrowed, before saying, “I guess so? Maybe that’s not good to keep as a pet. What about sirens?”

“They eat people!”

“So do demons!” Cali said, before realizing she didn’t actually know that much about demons, and said, “Probably?”

“If demons can make deals and promises, doesn’t that kind of make them people too?” Tim pointed out.

“I’ll get a small demon.” Kimiko decided, making the logic that ‘small = animal’... before saying, “But, when I want too, it can become big and cool. But otherwise it can fit comfortably on my shoulder. I will be a fancy demon lady~”

“I think it’d make sense that there would be demon animals and demon people,” Kokichi idly hummed. “Depending on the lore you look at, though I suppose it can really depend, and people might just call them different things. I don’t see why there couldn’t be a small demon good to be a pet that can also get really big.”

“I think… If I had the chance to get a magic pet? I’d want a little griffin. Like...one that’s a mix of a golden tabby and a hawk. It’d be the best parts of having a cat and a bird.” Kokichi chuckled a bit, knowing true in his heart, though… “Kai-chan would never know peace. He’d hate it.”

“Dad likes fish.” Tim said dryly, “His opinion is moot.”

“What about you Tim? What would you want?” Kimiko asked.

“Chase.” Tim said easily.

“No, she means, like, a fantasy thing!” Cali corrected.

“...then fantasy Chase then.” Tim shrugged, “I have my pet. You all are the poor saps who have to dream about it.”

Both girls GASPED at this, before turning to beat on him a little, punching their small fists lightly against his shoulders as they insisted he take it back, that was so MEAN, why did he get to be the only one with a pet, it wasn’t FAIR! While Timothy quietly took the abuse, looking mildly smug. 

“And Chase is a really good pet,” Kokichi deemed, a little amused watching the girls insist on Tim taking back the slight. “I’m pretty sure I had a dream once where she could grow to, like, half the size of the castle, and back down to her normal size at will. That’d be a cool fantasy power for a fantasy Chase.”

They weren’t actually hurting each other, or roughhousing enough that Kokichi was concerned, but...he wasn’t really sure what to say to break it up. Maybe just...moving on to something else?

Turning the page in the book (still feeling that...something in the back of his head about the dragon page) Kokichi perked up a bit, ‘ooo’-ing softly. “Oh, unicorns are next! I wouldn’t feel good about keeping one as a pet, but if they were real? I would love to be able to meet a unicorn…”

The illustration was beautiful, able to convey the creature seeming to have a gentle nature while showing its beauty and, despite only being in black and white, the horn seemed to glow brightly. But...really, he had only heard stories about unicorns just being...kind and gentle and having a calming presence on the lucky few who had ever been able to meet one. 

...they were said to have ‘purifying’ magic too, that their horns could turn polluted waters clear and that flowers grew from where they stepped. That they could heal people… But Kokichi had had enough of hoping for that. He would be happy to get to pet one’s nose.

“Do you have to bewaaaaare anything?” Cali asked, looking through the book, a little slower than her friends on the words, but still interested as she looked through the page. “The book always seems to start with the beware bits.”

“I imagine you have to beware that horn. That would hurt.” Tim mused, idly starting to kick his own leg as he leaned against the stand, starting to show the telling signs of feeling restless, though the girls were still fully interested. “Horses already are dangerous throwing people off, adding sharp bits to them just makes it worse.”

“Unicorns would only throw you off if you’re a bad person.” Kimiko said with certainty, adding in, “I read a book where a princess got lost in the woods, and a unicorn came and saved her because she was ‘pure as fallen snow’.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Tim muttered.

“I wish I was a princess, sometimes~” Kimiko sighed dreamily… before brightening up, “Can we play that? I wanna be a princess! Cali, you can be a knight, and Tim… do you wanna be a dashing prince that sweeps me off my feet?”

“Nah.” Tim shrugged, “I’ll be the bad guy. Cali can rescue you.”

“Yay~!” Kimiko gushed, thrilled with this idea, “Mister Kokichi, do you wanna play? You can be a dashing prince if ya wanna be!”

Even a mouse would bite. Kokichi certainly wouldn’t want to be on the bad side of a unicorn--to manage to piss off a creature known for being sweet and gentle? You probably had a hell of a storm coming.

Listening to the kids plan a game, Kokichi took that to mean their tour was drawing to a close. It had been a lot of fun, hanging out with the kids… Getting to share a bit of history, and listening to their interpretations and opinions. They were cool people, still finding their way. 

Closing up the book, double checking...well, any information he could get to find a copy, even if it didn’t seem to have an official title, Kokichi looked up in a bit of surprise as Kimiko offered for him to join in their game. The tour might be done, but not their day together. 

“Aw, really? I’d get to play with you guys? I’d be honored…” Giggling, Kokichi stood up from his stool and carefully put the unique book back into place, locking up the shelves again. “But let’s take it upstairs--we’ll have a lot more room for Cali and Tim’s epic battle.”

-

Neither of his guys were feeling super into it. Kaito had known that from the start.

Even this past week leading up to it, while Kaito had been putting his feelers out for what they might like to do, neither of them had seemed enthused by even the hypotheticals. Kokichi seemed more, like, he was indulging Kaito when the prince discussed possible things to do for Devoted’s Day, but was otherwise uninterested, and Shuichi just straight up said he’d rather sleep or hang out in hot water, than go out and do anything. Cause he was tired.

...he was aaaaalways tired but Kaito wasn’t going to whine! Nope! Not going to whine! Shuichi was carrying a baby! Kaito’s baby! Kaito was not about to whine about Shuichi, just… alllways being tiiiiired.

...Gah! Not complaining!

Not aloud, anyway.

So, yeah, neither of them were clearly wanting to do much of anything for Devoted. So…

...so it’s not like what Kaito planned was huge, or anything! 

It would have all been nice and easy! He had reserved a carriage, a nice carriage, big and comfy (sturdy. Nice and comfy and sturdy) for a nice, romantic ride! Which he would take through the countryside, to that nice hill over a golden wheatfield that he had seen running with Tim. Perfect! Beautiful, peaceful, sunny (no other people), and he was going to park the carriage and out down a picnic blanket and they’d have a lovely lunch and, just desserts! Nice desserts! Really nice desserts! And he’d bring that music player Cali found in the music room and it’d just be comfy and lowkey and (romantic) easy! An easy way to enjoy the day together!

Alone!

In a nice atmosphere!

With, like, maybe whine? Wine! He meant wine! With maybe some wine? Little bit of wine? Shuichi couldn’t drink it, but he’d get sparkling water maybe too? Just for the ATMOSPHERE. For DEVOTED’S DAY.

It was going to be NICE.

And Kaito lamented all of this as he stared miserably out the window of their bedroom, heavy, thick raindrops smashing hard against the window, wind blowing in a howling screech, literally no light able to penetrate the massive storm clouds.

Shuichi, reading from the bed, said idly, “I always like the sound of rain. It’s soothing.”

Kaito sighed and pressed his forehead to the glass. “Yup. Same.”

Kokichi looked sadly at Kaito pouting by the window. He didn’t really have any strong feelings about Devoted’s Day, but as the day came closer and closer, Kaito seemed to get more excited by the idea. And...it seemed he’d planned for something outside and...yeah. 

Sighing softly, Kokichi came over to his husband’s side and pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek. “...I’m sorry, hun. I know you were excited… Maybe…”

...Kokichi thought for a moment. Something that would be fun and special, that they could do at home. “...we could have a picnic up in the greenhouse? Listen to the rain but still kinda have the atmosphere of being outside?”

Seeing Kaito so disappointed… It wasn’t a Luminous holiday, so...Kokichi kind of figured his partners wouldn’t really care. Now...well, it wasn’t like he’d gone to town on his own since he’d been more steady walking, but...he wished he had picked up some chocolates for them, at the very least. Since trying to make his own would be more of a poisoning attempt than anything sweet. 

“We can still have a nice day together,” Kokichi gently soothed. 

Kaito smiled a little at the kiss-- yay!-- but was still feeling pretty pouty… though, he supposed… yeah, a picnic in the greenhouse? That was kinda nice! Maybe not, ya know… super private or anything, BUT IT WASN’T LIKE KAITO WAS HOPING THERE’D DEFINITELY NOT BE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND. NOPE. MINDS WASN’T ANYWHERE CLOSE TO THAT AT ALLLLL.

“Yeah?” Kaito said, grinning, “That sounds sorta nice… Shuichi, handsome, you up to a picnic in the greenhouse?”

“Hm?” Shuichi asked, still reading his book.

“Uh… a picnic in the greenhouse? Three of us, for Devoted’s Day?”

“Mm.” Shuichi said, either acknowledging he had heard him, agreed to the proposal, or was just making sounds to get Kaito to potentially stop talking.

Either way! Sounded like a yes!

“Alright! Noooooooot that I was planning anything like that anyway, but if in theory I was, and I asked Chako to make some special things for lunch, Iiiiiiiii would also in theory go ask her if she was still doing it or had given up cause of the rain ruining things.” Kaito pouted, glaring at the window, “...so I guess I’ll go do that! Theory-wise? But actually do something… else. Ask for food for lunch? Yes. That.”

“Mm.” Shuichi hummed.

So he had planned something… It could be really disappointing, when something you were looking forward to and had made plans for you just...couldn’t do, for whatever reason. Being rained out, or...being too sick to get out of bed. 

His expression softening even more, Kokichi pressed a few more kisses to Kaito’s cheek, edging closer to his mouth. He knew kisses couldn’t make up for Kaito’s plans hitting a roadblock, but...they might ease the sting. “Mm… If you had, theoretically, planned a lunch out for all of us, that would’ve been very sweet of you. I think we know best of everyone though, that things don’t always go according to plan, but the thought Kai-chan may have been giving us?”

Another kiss before Kokichi affectionately nuzzled his husband. “Very sweet Kai-chan, being very cute and loving for his partners today. I think we can still have a lot of fun, though. Just gotta roll with the punches and...well, I’ve had a lot of fun with all the alternative plans we’ve made for things. We have a good track record for it.”

“Yeah?” Kaito said, smiling softly… before grinning, stealing a more direct kiss against Kokichi’s nuzzle, wrapping his arms around his husband’s waist and holding him tight enough that he lifted him of his feet a little, kissing him again before saying, “You’re real cute when you’re all positive and sweet and stuff, ya know that? More cute and sweet than your big brute of a husband.”

“Weren’t you going to check on lunch, Kaito?” Shuichi asked.

“Oh, you were listening! You up for the idea, Shuichi?”

“Mm.” Shuichi hummed indistinctly. 

“He’s been really into those mystery novels you got him recently.” Kaito whispered to Kokichi, pouting again. “He barely looks up from them.”

Kokichi giggled as Kaito swept him up, nuzzling against him more. He was happy to boost Kaito’s spirits on any day but...today was special. It was specifically for honoring your partners and...just spending time together. Today of all days Kokichi wanted to uplift his husband. 

And his boyfriend too, though Shuuichi wasn’t exactly open to it. 

“I’m glad he likes them,” Kokichi whispered back. “Maybe he’ll be more interested in spending time together when it’s time to eat?”

“Mm.” Shuichi agreed.

Kaito huffed, “Guess some guys, the only way to their hearts is their stomachs. Fine! Get a big appetite worked up from those books, handsome! Cause we’re having a super romantic picnic in the greenhouse!”

“Mm.”

“He’s determined to break my heart into little pieces, babe, I swear.” Kaito grumbled, before smacking another kiss on Kokichi, “You want anything from downstairs while I’m down there?” he asked, giving his husband a wide grin, “I knoooow you could go get it yourself if you wanted too, but why else get married but to make your strong, handsome husband go fetch things?”

Kokichi cupped Kaito’s jaw and pulled him in for a longer kiss. Other than, yanno, pure entertainment, Kokichi had a feeling that Shuuichi was enjoying getting sucked into a book. Maybe...to take the focus off his back and whatever organ Miya was deciding to use as a punching bag today. Part of it was probably just a weird perspective, since Shuuichi had gotten big early, but...they really had another month of this? 

As happy as Kokichi wanted to make Kaito, Kokichi was all for Shuuichi getting whatever distraction he could find. So...it was up to Kokichi to double up on the fawning, physical affection. Not like he minded any, especially now that he could move more easily. 

“Mm, maybe because I find him funny and caring and one of the most passionate people I’ve ever met and I adore his commitment and love listening to him talk about books and the universe and figurines and, oh, he’s just a wonderful dancer, so there’s a huge plus…”

With a softer giggle, Kokichi pressed his nose to Kaito’s before standing more off to the side to let Kaito get up. “I’m good for now, Kai-chan; thanks. We’ll be chillin’ in here if ya need to find us.”

Kaito’s grin grew more teeth, but his cheeks pinked rather then flushed, clearly somewhat genuinely embarrassed as he chuckled, “Awww, you charmer… alright! Shuichi, want anything from downstairs, man?”

“Mmmmm- juice? Could you get some juice? Any type really… oh, and sliced pickled jalapeno peppers? Like… like a handful of those sound amazing.” Shuichi murmured, turning the page.

Kaito blanched a bit. Really? Spicy jalapeno peppers? Nnnngh…. “Yep! Got it! Juice and jalapeno peppers. Alright.” Blowing the two of them extremely exaggerated kisses, he said, “Be back soon, love ya to pieces, don’t do anything cool without me, k-thanks-bye!”

“Mm.” Shuichi hummed out to him. Turning the page again.

Ooph, definitely not a Shuuichi-kiss day, at least for Kaito. Very disappointing… But if Shuuichi wasn’t feeling it today, he wasn’t feeling it. And...really? Holidays were kind of arbitrary. They would have many, many more days in the future to be lovey and affectionate. 

Waving Kaito off, Kokichi took his spot on the window seat, soaking up the ambient heat as he laid his head against the window and closed his eyes, listening to the quick, heavy patters of the rain… Mmmm. It really was a great sound. 

“...if it keeps up like this...I think we’ll have a chance at having a thunderstorm tonight,” Kokichi mused, not too fussed if Shuuichi was listening or not. “If it’s far away...the rumbles are really nice to listen to. Like a giant cat far away in the sky is purring…”

“Mm.” Shuichi hummed, though after a moment, he added in, “That sounds nice… should be a pretty calm day all around. Little bit of lunch, than more chilling out, than ending the day falling asleep to a nice thunderstorm… sounds like a great day, honestly.”

-

Somewhere else…

-

It wasn’t the horse she had started with, but it was the horse she was going to end it with.

Boots a man had been kind enough to give her dug into the animals sides. A cloak a man had been stupid enough to lose whipped through the wind. She had long given up on keeping the hood up, and just glowered through the rain, ignoring the sting and bites as the drops hit against her skin at miles per hour.

Her thighs and hands were blistered red. The horse was massive, bigger than her small frame needed or could comfortably use, just barely able to fit the saddle of the old horse she had left to that farm in exchange for new supplies, but it’s what she had been able to find in the wild of the mountains. 

It hadn’t occurred to her to give it a name, or to even check its gender. She expected to return it to the wild when she was done. This desperate ride both a demand and a favor.

...almost there.

Almost done.

-

Kaito knocked on the kitchen door and waited. He had long stopped just walking in. He didn’t have anything to prove to his husband anymore.

It was raining damn cats and dogs outside, much to the lament of likely a good portion of the city today. But Chako had made an agreement with Kaito, and no inclement weather would make her go back on her word. 

That said, she wasn’t exactly done...yet…

Of course their pastry chef had planned this huge, decorated sheet cake to serve at dinner today, meant to be an expression of neighborly love for the couples and singles coming to dinner. Thankfully she wasn’t going to decorate the cake--it was going to take forever--but...she still needed to get the whipped cream ready for the frosting, along with helping prep other things for lunch coming up…

So when she opened the door, already looking a little frazzled, Chako’s usually intense expression just dulled with her own disappointment. 

“Kaito. I haven’t finished the lunches yet, but if you can hold on, I can…” Chako let out a little breath, thinking of all the things she had yet to do. “...half an hour? I can do...half an hour…”

Uh oh. Kaito knew that look.

He debated with himself a minute, biting his bottom lip a little… he should… his partners should be his main priority today. Shuichi wanted juice. And jalapenos. And… nnnnn, Chako looked really stressed…

“...need a hand?” Kaito grinned sheepishly.

Chako just looked at Kaito for a moment before putting her hands up and together and bowing her head slightly under them. “Thank you.”

Bustling back into the kitchen, Chako started talking quickly, sending death glares to people who even looked a bit confused at the proceedings, though it wasn’t wholly uncommon for Kaito to pitch in for something small. And despite some of the feelings some of the staff had...the kid did make a mean mashed potatoes…

“Wash up, grab an apron, and I’m gonna need you to whisk a bowl of cream until I say stop.” Doing little things along the way, Chako poured the right amount of cream into a special tempered glass bowl that was laid into a larger bowl filled with ice and chunks of coarse salt. Grabbing the side of the smaller bowl with a cloth, Chako furiously whisked the cream a few times to give Kaito an idea of the sort of movement he was aiming for, before she gave him another thankful nod and dashed back into the chaotic movement of the rest of the kitchen. 

“Thank you! I won’t take any more time than necessary!”

Kaito was extremely familiar with where the aprons were, by this point, as well as the sink, and was ready in literally two minutes, following after Chako and, as usual, avoiding eye contact with anyone else in the room, watching her movement before giving her a thumbs up. “No worries, man, it’s actually not that urgent on my part. My guys aren’t doing much today, I can stand to help out for… probably as long as ya need me.” Kaito shrugged, taking the bowl and giving Chako another reassuring grin before turning to his task, letting her get back to the hectic chaos that was working the kitchens on a holiday.

Kaito was used to this bit. He asked Chako for so many special little things for Shuichi and Kokichi, not to mention the random cooking advice (“Okay, but, why won’t the crust turn brown? It’s supposed to be brown, right???”) he constantly bugged her with, that when he saw the kitchens were hectic, or Chako just looked particularly pissed off that day, he always felt inclined to help. Help, he had found, usually meant dishes, mixing, or whipping. Basically things that required a lot of arm movement and a willingness to do nothing else, for a while.

And, well, Kaito had the biceps for it, so…

Still! He had never made whipped cream before. He was honestly a little surprised so little was needed, watching her mix it. It was literally just… cream. Being whipped. And with a little sugar and vanilla extract, but, fuck, that shit went into literally everything. Kaito was endlessly baffled how basically every dessert was the same five ingredients, just, like… mildly cooked differently. Pies, cookies, cakes, even pancakes and puddings… it was all literally just the same stuff. Or at least similar enough to make Kaito raise an eyebrow a little.

Eggs, man. Kokichi and Shuichi both thought they liked sugar. Turns out? They like flour and eggs… and vanilla extract. Holy shit, for having never heard of vanilla extract before, it was in everything…

“Doing anything nice for Devoted’s Day yourself, Chako?” Kaito asked, when the chef wandered nearby again.

Several tamagoyaki rolls she had prepped earlier were now cooled, and Chako was starting to cut them up. And...well, it just happened that one of the chopping stations was over on the counter Kaito was working on too. Despite being a little chatty, Kaito never stopped working while he talked, so Chako didn’t mind it too much. 

“Besides going home and dropping into bed when I do? No,” the woman grunted, though she gave the younger man a bone. And, perhaps, that was one of the greatest signs of Chako’s true affection for her sort-of protege. “But I have the day off tomorrow, and so does my boyfriend, so we’re going to stock up on all the discounted chocolate that’s going to be on sale tomorrow and, though every year we say we’re not going to, we’re each going to try and make something fancy and over the top for each other without the other one noticing.”

“Everyone wants to take their partners out to a nice meal for Devoted’s Day. So we decided to make the day after our thing.”

“Oh, man, that makes so much sense.“ Kaito mused, still whipping like a motherfucker, though he was starting to do that thing in his head that always happened when he did a repetitive, simple task. It was a little like… floaty, almost, the feeling that came from it. A very… for lack of a better term? Zen state, where Kaito was pretty content to just exist in his body, which he could barely feel anyway. His hands didn’t hurt during moments like this. 

But, as floaty and far away as his body felt during these, his head was always pretty clear, and he said, “So, even though you said you weren’t going to… what’s the big, over the top plan this time?” he asked, genuinely curious. Chako rarely talked about her personal life, let alone her boyfriend, but Kaito always found this interesting… if, honestly? Because Chako’s love life seemed really… normal? And kinda steady? And, like…

Look, Kaito hadn’t had too many chances to talk to anyone in an emotionally stable couple. Hell, he rarely knew anyone who was, arguably, emotionally stable, period. Chako was a HUGE breath of fresh air, for him.

The stack of tamagoyaki continued to grow beside her as Chako worked, focused and determined as ever. And willing to brag a little bit, if the smirk on her face was any indication. “A bonbon sampler. A black forest, dark chocolate bonbon with drizzles of ruby chocolate over top; a mocha inspired truffle with coffee cream on the side; and a limoncello jelly bonbon rolled in candied citrus shavings. Small, but makes an impact--you shouldn’t want more than one after eating it, because it’s so dense and rich.”

“...I suppose Kokichi and Shuuichi will be pleased tonight,” Chako noted. “Since the whipped cream you’re making is for a cake. It’s vanilla but with bits of red berries baked into it, and I assume that’s going to be part of the filling and decoration too.”

Kaito snorted slightly, “You’re right. That does sound over the top. He’s a lucky guy, I hope whatever he ends up doing matches.”

“Is that what this is for?” Kaito asked, glancing around the kitchen, seeing more parts of the cake being worked on by the other employees, “That sounds neat, and yeah, right up their alley. Though, honestly, I think Shuichi would be happiest today if I ran him a bath, left some food for him, and otherwise left him alone… not that we’re having problems! Nothing like that, he’s not mad at me or anything. He’s just, ya know…” Kaito shrugged, “pregnant.”

“But, Kokichi’s indulging me today, though I’m not sure he’s any more into it than Shuichi is. He came up with a super cute idea though! Since we can’t go have our picnic because the SKY IS AGAINST ME!” Kaito cursed, meaning it as a joke, but remembering he didn’t have a lot of friends in here and turning red, chuckling sheepishly, as he said quieter, “We’re gonna take our picnic and do it in the greenhouse. Sweet, right?”

Chako smiled slightly, an odd look on her face, though not one Kaito was unaccustomed to. Maybe her relationship with her boyfriend was a bit odd, but she was happy. After so long of being negged by people about working too much, saying that she’d never find someone if she was so focused on her career, or that she should plan to give it up if she ever wanted to settle down with someone…

It was a nice, big ol’ fuck you to those idiots, what she and Pallu had. He just...got it, and was just as passionate about his own craft as she was with hers. And respected her authority and workplace professionalism enough to just scoff along with her when people asked why Chako wasn’t working in his cafe. They respected each other enough to never work together, except at home, and even then they tended to cook solo if they were even home for a meal. 

It might be weird, and it definitely wasn’t for everyone, but screw them. It worked for her and Pallu, and that’s all Chako really cared about. 

Chako nodded knowingly to Kaito’s gripes about the day, setting a few of the spinach tamagoyaki aside to pack into the royal throuple’s lunch baskets. “If you want me to add anything extra into your lunch, now would be the time to ask. If you can even predict what Shuuichi’s cravings will be like hour to hour.”

“Hm. Glad I kept your takeaway in a basket, then--it’ll be easier to take upstairs. And you all should still be fine if it starts to thunder early--no lightning has broken through the glass, far as I know. Sounds like a fun alternative.”

“It has literally not occurred to me until this second that lightning could come through the glass. Right. Now I am certain I won’t be constantly thinking about that up there.” Kaito groaned, rolling his eyes a little, before saying, “Oh, uh, can I just… steal a jar of pickled jalapeno peppers? Shuichi asked me to bring some up when I came back. And… I guess I’ll get juice instead of wine.” Kaito sighed, blinking tiredly. “Kokichi’s probably not gonna want wine, Shuichi can’t have it, and I’m not being the weirdo who’s drinking alone on the date.”

Noticing that the texture of the large bowl of cream had changed dramatically by this point, Kaito paused whipping and showed it to her, “More?”

There was a soft sound from Chako, something that, maybe, if you really wanted to believe it, was a snicker, but she didn’t comment on creating a new anxiety for Kaito beyond that. Instead, she sighed knowingly. “I’ll add some to the basket. And juice too.”

Peeking over at Kaito’s progress on the whipped cream, Chako hummed approvingly. “More, but you’re almost done. I’ll go drop these off and finish packing your basket and by then it should be ready. Excuse me!”

Taking the platter of eggs with an ease that seemed surprising for her small stature, Chako weaved through the kitchen with a cascade of ‘behind you’s and without breaking step. The Bao were probably cooled enough by now to be packed up, and Chako was planning on adding the carrots--cut into hearts and lightly seasoned with a savory sauce--and grapefruit and kiwi wedges last anyway. With the juice and peppers for Shuuichi, and pesto salad that she had already packed, it was a full lunch for the princes. 

And, of course, because Kaito had specifically asked, and Chako knew better anyway, there were six brownie bites, baked in heart shapes as well and decorated with a strawberry on top. 

When she returned with the basket, the whipped cream was looking stable enough to be piped later, and Chako gave a nod of approval. “Perfect. Thank you for your help, Kaito.”

“Heck yeah, happy to! Thanks for the lunch, Chako!” Kaito grinned, looking over the basket excitedly as he took it from her. Okay, there was no way they wouldn’t get hyped up for this! Look at em! Freaking awesome!

Giving her a small bow, Kaito returned the apron, washed his hands again, and headed out, heading back up…

He spotted Hajime.

The guy was just walking down the hallway, opposite of him. Probably working on something. Kaito… hesitated.

… he really needed to talk to him…

… not today. If Hajime was doing something with Chiaki today, Kaito didn’t want to ruin it. It was… still important to him. To… he didn’t even know. Accuse him? Ask for clarification? Just… why hadn’t Hajime said anything to anyone? Shuichi was bed-ridden for three days… why help keep the secret? It… it bothered Kaito a lot, that someone he liked and had trusted so much this last year, had done something that… casually cruel.

But, then, maybe Nao just had the luck of demons. Seiko had a good head on her shoulders and she had kept the secret too.

(... maybe it was all, again, Kaito’s fault. Maybe no one had told him and Maki that something was desperately, desperately wrong with their best friend because Kaito hadn’t seemed like a reliable person to talk to. Maybe a psycho librarian exercising her own violent power fantasy had still seemed like a better option, than the Luminary Prince…)

(... or maybe just no one had cared.)

Kaito looked away from Hajime, his stomach sinking uncomfortably at the sight of him. It was… sometimes hard not to feel alone here…

But! That wasn’t being fair to the people he considered friends. Chako, for one. Waku, for another. Lake, Nazumi, Denji and Ikou were all important friends to Kokichi, and of course, Kaito had his own family, Kokichi, Shuichi and Timothy. Shuichi had Nadya and Drake… yeah. There were plenty of people. Hell, Hajime probably was still one… just. Not as reliable as Kaito had hoped.

He hoped the housekeeper's devoted’s day went well.

Kaito let out a breath, trying to shake off the funk seeing Hajime had put him in...he wondered if Tim or Cali would try to get Kimiko anything. They were both incredibly obviously into the black eyed girl. Kaito sort of adored it. Childish love...it so rarely led to anything more than some fond memories for the adults in the kids’ lives to tease them with, but sometimes it led to more. Heh. He had children with both of his childhood loves… he was probably the outlier though.

Kaito would check in on Tim later. See if the kid had any plans, and if not, put the idea in his head and watch him get flustered and annoyed with him. Ha! He was allowed, he was the dad! Cute.

Opening the door to their room, Kaito called, “I’m back! Sorry I took so long.”

“Mm.” Shuichi hummed, before looking up, a little startled, “You’re back already? You just walked out.”

Kokichi opened his eyes and looked over when he heard Kaito enter, the immediate presence of love, excitement, and affection in his eyes all turning on like a switch, a reflection of his heart. Kaito might’ve always had eyes for him, but that was something that definitely went both ways. 

(He would never, ever want to put his husband through meeting a Kokichi that didn’t care about him yet. But...if such a thing happened? Seeing the lack of love in his eyes would’ve been something Kaito could’ve easily spotted too.)

Chuckling a little as he slung his legs over the side of the window seat, Kokichi gave Shuuichi an amused look. “Shuu-chan, it’s been long enough that I took a nap and woke up. A short one, sure, but still. You’ve been more absorbed than a sponge.”

“Welcome back!” Kokichi grinned, giving a nod to the basket, not trying to hide his curiosity of what was for lunch today. “Did you wanna just...head out now? We should bring a blanket, even though there is a little sitting area…”

Kaito lit up, grinning wide in turn, his funk leaving him at the sight of Kokichi, just… in general. It was always harder to feel down about things around either of them, honestly: easy to be the happy optimist of the group when being around said group put him in a good mood. Even if Shuichi sighed and closed his book like it was the most terrible thing anyone has ever asked him to do as he said, “We’re starting now?”

“It’s basically lunch time anyway. And, the sooner you eat with us, Shuichi, the sooner you can get back to your book and I’ll have run out of reasons to distract you.” Kaito said, his tone only chastising him a little, as Shuichi sighed again.

“Alright… I’m up for it. Let’s do it.” Shuichi decided, putting the book aside and, with a huff of genuine effort, getting himself out of it. Looking around, he said “Has anyone seen my hat?”

“Over here, handsome, you left it on the dresser.” Kaito told him, grabbing the old thing and tossing it to his boyfriend, who put it on and was Ready To Go. “‘Kichi, babe, you up to eating a little early?”

Kokichi nodded, getting up from the window seat with a great stretch, feeling a few joints between his shoulder blades popping as he did so. He hadn’t been uncomfortable, curled up in the window seat, and he wasn’t that old yet to get stiff from sitting in one position for a while, but it did feel nice to stretch. 

“I could eat early, though I might just kinda nibble at first. I wanted to get to the office early, so it’s not like I had a huge breakfast or anything…” He was slowly transitioning back into his usual work schedule, but today was a bit of an outlier. For one, after seeing how Kaito was when they woke up, Kokichi knew he wanted to leave early and spend time with his guys today. And while Nadya had planned on coming in as usual, apparently one of her neighbors had some minor leaks from the rain, but Nadya was sticking around to help protect their things while someone came to fix the leaks. So...it wasn’t like there was anyone waiting on him for work stuff…

Today was just about love! Casually and even without direct interaction. 

Putting on some hard-soled slippers, Kokichi searched around in their closet for a good, practical blanket before coming to Shuuichi’s side, offering his arm and shoulder for extra stability. “Let’s go! And have a cool, indoor picnic.”

-

Honestly? It was kind of breathtaking.

After sitting down the blanket and opening up the basket, passing out the plates Dicean style, where anyone can pick from anything, Kaito had found himself just looking up, marveling at watching the rainy sky pour loudly against the glass above. A unique, rare look of a stormy day, without having to protect your eyes from the weather itself.

“...it’s pretty cool.” Kaito said, and while not word for word, had already said roughly the same thing for the third time. “Like… wow.”

Kokichi had...quite a lot to look at. He’d cooed over the carrots and brownies a bit, enjoying the utter cuteness they portrayed, and he always loved the earthy smell of the greenhouse, along with the knowledge that he wasn’t gonna get got by surprise bugs like he would in outdoor gardens. As long as he wasn’t digging into the plant beds? He was golden. 

But being able to...at least visually? Be right out in a rainstorm, without being soaked and cold to the core, or having to worry about finding your way back home or worrying about getting sick… It was amazing. And while it wasn’t a deafening roar, the sound of heavy rain pounding against the roof was all around them. 

And maybe it was odd, since grey was rarely ever portrayed as anything...good or desirable, but...seeing his partners in that dappled light? Maybe it was just because it was Devoted’s Day and he was in the right mindset, but Kokichi couldn’t help letting out a love-struck sigh as he looked over his partners. 

“This...is really amazing. Thank you for setting up lunch, Kai-chan.”

“Mmmmm.” Shuichi said, this being his favorite sound today, though this time he really was just trying to agree, and also eat this freaking brownie!! At the same time. It was… just so good. So freaking good. “We have to thank Chako too, next time we see her. These are amazing.”

“Right!?” Kaito gushed, looking down from his view of the sky, more than happy to praise his friend's work as he said, “She’s a beast you guys, you should have seen her in the kitchen today. Spoiler alert? Dinner’s going to be lit.”

“Lit?” Shuichi asked.

“Come on, man, I’m sure you’ve heard that word before. Don’t tease me, I’m ‘hip’ with the kids.” Kaito grinned, while Shuichi gave him a playful look. They had heard a lot of new slang terms over the last year in their travels, and Kaito occasionally just liked to throw them out. Straight up. 

Kaito wanted this to be pretty romantic, but at the moment, he was kind of stuck in just… having a good time with his best friends, mentality, rather than a date. Which, honestly, was often the same thing, and should be, but as he looked over to Kokich, saw the way his eyes glimmered a little… Kaito laughed sheepishly, a little surprised. He was in the habit of working much harder for a look like that, and wasn’t sure where it was coming from, as he said, “You seem happy, Kokichi… I know you don’t really celebrate Devoted’s Day. I hope, uh...” Kaito laughed, “Well, I guess I just hope this is a decent way to start. Not going to lie guys, I’m probably gonna celebrate it every year. It’s fun to dote on you guys.”

Well, if Shuuichi was having dessert first, then so was Kokichi. And ohh...the chocolate was fudgey and melted in your mouth, but still had the structure to not just be a huge glob, and the slight tartness of the strawberry cut through the richness of the brownie… Kokichi moaned softly as he rocked side to side, extremely happy with the dessert. 

“She’s really skilled… I mean, everyone who works in the kitchen is, but Chako can just pull out stuff like this out of nowhere and...ung. It’s amazing…” He still thought she made the best chocolate, though. 

Giggling softly, both at Kaito’s sudden use of slang, and the last bit he said, Kokichi raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you dote on us every chance you get? Kai-chan is a very doting guy who likes making his loved ones happy.”

“But...even though I’ve never really gotten into it? I think I could get into Devoted’s Day after this.” Kokichi softly smiled, giving his husband and his boyfriend gentle, loving looks. “It just...feels nice to have a day specifically dedicated to your partners. It’s a little late now, so I think I’ll just have to surprise you both spontaneously whenever I’m feeling affectionate, but next year? I’m going full heist and getting you guys honmei chocolate...prooobably not homemade, though...since I think I’d just end up giving you guys a stomachache,” he chuckled. 

Kaito frowned slightly, a curious look in his eyes as he realized, “Oh yeah… you can make chocolate, can’t you… maybe I should try to do that…”

Shuichi laughed lightly, giving Kaito a fond look, “I’m never gonna understand where this sudden fascination for cooking came from. You’ve never expressed an interest in cooking before coming here. You literally ate out every day, when you were living on your own.”

“Don’t tease, you were eating out right alongside me.” Kaito pouted, lounging back a little, leaning on his arms before looking over to Kokichi, seeing the… thinness there. The way skin held to bone… before looking back up at the sky a bit, “I dunno. Never had anyone to feed before, I guess. It’s way more fun cooking for someone else than just because you want to eat something.”

“Oh!” Kaito suddenly said, looking at the door as he remembered, “Shoot, I was gonna bring the record player too… think it’s worth me making a run to bring in music, guys? Do you wanna hang out long enough to enjoy it?”

Shuichi considered this before saying, “Now that we’re actually here, I don’t mind staying a little longer.”

Kokichi laughed softly, imagining Kaito in a patissier’s workshop, making all sorts of chocolate masterpieces. In reality, it would more likely look like a big bowl filled of seized chocolate with little flecks everywhere, before Kaito managed to temper chocolate into...something that sort of looked like a bar, but...it was a thousand times more endearing. And while seized chocolate had a weird texture, it still tasted fine, and Kokichi wouldn’t mind helping eat through all the scraps. 

Nodding slightly as Kaito mused on where his passion for cooking came from...it made a lot of sense. Kokichi could imagine that, while there was certainly pride in it, if you were...constantly cooking for yourself? Then it’d turn into more of a chore than expression. At least, most of the time. But there was nothing quite like seeing people enjoy something you made. 

Turning to Shuuichi as Kokichi selected a bao from the basket--perfect picnic food, since it wasn’t gonna spill or leave crumbs everywhere--Kokichi gave his boyfriend a soft look, glad that he was comfortable spending some time together today. “Mmm...I kinda like listening to the rain, but I don’t see how music wouldn’t be a nice addition. Maybe in a little bit? Since we practically just sat down and everything… Unless there’s something else Kai-chan wants to scamper off to do.”

Kaito laughed, shaking his head, “No, no, ‘Kai-chan’ just wants to make this nice. I don’t really have any big plan beyond what you guys are looking at. I mean… I may have been hoping to take us out towards the wheat fields? Kokichi, you might know the ones I’m talking about. I saw them on my last really long run with Tim, and I just thought the landscape was gorgeous, especially if you looked down at it from one of the higher hills. The earth all shimmering gold… thought it might be pretty romantic.” Kaito admitted, shrugging a bit.

“I think, honestly, I’d have been a bit hard-pressed to go.” Shuichi confessed, “I like this, but I’m not really in a ‘get up and go’ headspace today.”

“Yeaaaah… hey, maybe the rain salvaged this, then!” Kaito laughed, looking around a bit… “Candles? Maybe candles?”

“Kaito.” Shuichi gently chastised, “We’re already here, and it’s already nice. Stop worrying about it.”

“Okay, okay.” Kaito laughed, looking fondly at his two partners, “...you’re both beautiful. You know that?”

“Like you would ever let us forget.” Shuichi said fondly, before laughing a little, “And could you maybe not say that while I’m literally in the middle of taking far too big a bite of a pastry? I’m now suddenly extremely conscious of what I must look like. Do I have any food on my face?”

Kokichi smiled, thinking of the exact wheat fields Kaito was talking about. They weren’t in the direction his window faced, but Kokichi had been a prime gazer for many windows in the castle, and seeing that splash of rolling gold when the wheat was growing… It was a beautiful place, at least from afar. “Aw...that does sound romantic. Maybe it’s something to keep in our pockets for another time.”

Because, even with a baby very nearly there...they still could have dates, time to time. They could still have time to be young people in love without the constant vigilance of watching over their kids. All parts of their life just...coming together in a mishmash of however it happened to work out. Lovers, friends, parents, students, administrators, mentees...all sorts of things. 

Grinning widely, Kokichi scootched over to briefly press against Shuuichi’s side, giving him a very earnest look. “You’re clean, and Shuu-chan’s very gorgeous!! There is never a time where I’ve thought Shuu-chan looks bad, even when he’s drooled into my shirt in the morning.”

“Maki said I kick, you guys say I drool, I’m never sleeping with anyone ever again.” Shuichi said dryly, Kaito laughing loudly at that. “Going to go drool and kick in private, thank you.”

“I’m betting the kicking thing was pollen stuff, and I’m betting the drool is heat stuff.” Kaito mused, looking between the two of them fondly, “I bet you never noticed yourself drooling on your pillow on your own because, well… we tend to drool more in our sleep the hotter it is. And you’ve got literally three people pressing in around you.”

Giving Kokichi a fond look, sitting opposite of the two of them mostly to give them space to eat their food, and also just to shamelessly be able to easily look at both of them, he grinned, “And of course we have our sleep-athlete over here. The heart attack slowed you down a little, but that’s started back up again, you should know. Woke up last night to you trying valiantly to escape over me and then burrow yourself into my side when escape meant lack of blanket.”

Rolling his eyes a little, he said, “I’d ask what I do in my sleep, but I’m pretty sure you two sleep through the night every night. It’s amazing to me you two always wanna sleep in so much.”

Huh, really? Kokichi had never known that...though, in fairness, he’d never really looked up the conditions of weird things people did in their sleep. Even trying to figure out his own weird things. 

Laughing without remorse, Kokichi shrugged a little. “At least we’ll know I’m not gonna start sleepwalking or anything. I may try to put on a gymnastic performance, but I can’t bear to be without my favorite heaters. And, you know, the loves of my life and favorite people in the world.”

“And just you wait! I’m still on the rise of needing a lot of sleep; it’s just biological!” Kokichi insisted, sitting up more. “In my mid thirties? You’ll catch me waking up at five just for fun!”

Really...it just felt nice to sleep. And while, if he was feeling alright, Kokichi rarely slept in for long, there was still something nice about lounging in bed for a while as the world slowly started to start again. 

Sometimes, Kokichi worried that Kaito wasn’t getting enough sleep. 

“...you wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes,” Kokichi hummed. “Just like...will sit up and look around, and sometimes walk around a little before going immediately back to sleep. I’m...not actually sure if you’re sleepwalking or something, but you’ve never completely wandered off, at least from what I can tell.”

Kaito looked genuinely startled, as he said, “Oh, no, do you wake up for that? That’s my bad, ‘Kichi, I didn’t think I was waking you up… I’m not sleepwalking or anything. I just wake up sometimes and I’m, like… up. For a little bit. Like, I just…” Kaito hesitated, before shrugging uncertainly, “I just go check on the rest of the floor? Tim’s room, Maki’s room…” the bathroom, the stairwell, the closet, out the window, “... it makes me feel a little better? Sometimes I get this… really persistent idea in my head that if I don’t go look, this time, something bad will be there and I won’t know about it till it’s too late.”

Shuichi raised an eyebrow at that. “I… don’t believe that’s been a habit for you before? You’ve never mentioned it before.”

“Eh… I’ve been doing it since Maki left. I know we have security in the castle and stuff, but…” Kaito just shrugged at that. He knew it was irrational, he just… didn’t feel safe. And the middle of the night was when that hit hardest. Cause, like… what if he ignored the feeling, and went back to bed, and that was the night Timothy was desperately calling for help, something in his room, someone in his room… or someone was starting a fire in the safety of Maki’s room, or the nursery, and he needed to go out and touch the door, smell for smoke, just check inside real quick…

“It’s kind of dumb. I just feel better looking. Lets me go back to sleep faster.”

Kokichi shook his head a little. “Only sometimes, and I’m really just barely awake. All that I just said has been me piecing it together afterwards since I’m basically still asleep if I stir.”

...checking out the rest of the floor, on Tim and in Maki’s room...the nursery probably too. And doing it because...well, what if you didn’t and something happened? (...it did sound like anxiety but...compulsive anxiety. When the worry hit you so pointedly that you had to act in certain ways otherwise...it was as good as believing that the bad things would happen. At least in some versions…)

...Kokichi felt bad for so often recommending that Kaito tell things to Miss Crystal. Even if this really seemed like something he should bring up in his sessions. ...maybe he’d talk about it with Kaito later. 

“It’s hard, when you know what you’re worrying about is irrational but you can’t just...stop,” Kokichi hummed empathetically instead. “I’m glad Kai-chan’s found a system that helps him get back to sleep. Honestly...I feel like I’d be kept up for the whole night if an anxiety like that caught me in the middle of the night.”

“...since I guess you’ve been checking on Maki’s room, though… Do you have any ideas for stuff we should do?” Kokichi hopefully asked, not trying to trap Kaito into talking about his issues again. “I’m glad that I got the punching bag and target pads set up before my attack, with the new sheets and dresser with the fancy false bottoms… But…” 

Kokichi grimaced a bit. “...I really wanted to decorate it more before she comes home.” ...but he’d been...rather busy. With the whole heart attack thing.

Kaito laughed sheepishly at that, “I feel a bit bad about that. You’ve put so much effort into her room, babe. All I got her were pillows. Big pillows, sure, but still, in comparison to the new furniture and the cool gifts… I dunno? Shuichi, any ideas?”

Shuichi shrugged. He hadn’t been in to look yet. It was foolish, but… he just hadn’t been ready yet. He had gotten a strong bout of shame, the last time he had tried. Still too many memories. “Mmmm… she’d hate curtains, she’d probably just take them down...I don’t suppose if anyone knows if one-sided see through curtains were a thing?”

“Heck, man, if you haven't heard of them, I definitely haven't. Tinted glass? That’s a thing. Think that would make her feel more secure?”

“It could… as for decorations themselves… I don’t think Mr. Nidai ever told her she wasn’t allowed to decorate, but I can’t think of any particular way her room had been decorated.” Shuichi mused. “Maybe a new paint job? Some color she’d like?”

“I think if we were to do that, we should wait for her to pick out a color herself.” Kaito cautioned, “Half the fun of decorating a room is picking out things you like, right? Speaking of, your study, Shuichi...”

“I want my snake.”

Kaito sighed, “I know, I know, we’ll do it, okay? Just… pick a day and we’ll go get it. We just gotta let you pick out the terrarium and they can install it.”

“Can we do it tomorrow?” Shuichi asked, looking interested, looking to Kokichi as he confessed, “I’ve been mostly just waiting for you to feel a little better going out into town. I thought it might be fun to pick stuff with you. Kaito will be just, ya know… whiney about it.”

“I am LITERALLY the one who BOUGHT YOU THE SNAKE.”

“Whiney.” Shuichi sighed.

“The pillows are an incredible and important addition,” Kokichi declared with a firm nod. Because Maki would really like them, but also...she was probably going to be pretty tired by the time she came back. Traveling for months on end with a war in the middle? Kokichi wouldn’t be surprised if Maki just checked on them all for a moment before immediately collapsing into bed. 

Which was why he got her the new sheets too. Something light and smooth to be comfortable and keep her cool as the weather warmed up. 

But tinted glass for her window...that was a really good idea. Kokichi hummed it over as he thought about new paint too--and Kaito was right, it was probably best to wait for Maki to decide what color she’d want, since it was a little harder to re-paint a room than it was to change out sheets or decorations--but he perked up out of his thoughts as Shuuichi said…

“You were waiting for me?” 

“Aw, Shuu-chan…” Kokichi now fully snuggled himself to his boyfriend’s side, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I hope I haven’t been keeping you waiting too long...I know you’ve been wanting your new friend for a while. I’d be honored to help you pick out enrichment and decorations for your snake’s terrarium. Give ‘em all sorts of perches and hide-y holes.”

“You still have to pick the actual snake too.” Kaito sighed, ‘You have a few choices, but, again… conditions. So, not a lot. There were three that matched the criteria when I was there.”

Shuichi smiled fondly, putting his arms around Kokichi, abandoning his food for a moment, as he placed soft kisses in turn, the two snuggling up together, while Kaito just… well, his attention was caught. To say the least. “I thought it would be fun… well worth the wait. And, well, as a fellow snake-lover, I figured it’d be fun to share the experience of getting one with you. Since I won’t be able to share it with Miya any time soon-” 

“Absolutely not.” Kaito said.

Shuichi sighed dramatically, “So it’ll just be me and you who gets to enjoy… and probably, let’s be honest, at the very least Kimiko. She seems like the type to be almost a little too into snakes.”

Kokichi was very pleased with Shuuichi’s kisses, always enjoying when his boyfriend felt up to showing physical affection. Sometimes Shuuichi barely even wanted to be touched at all, so when he welcomed snuggles and kisses, and then even gave some of his own? Kokichi was alllll about basking in them. 

“I’m excited to meet your snake, Shuu-chan. And getting to see the other ones too. They’re so smooth...it’s like getting to pet a super fluffy kitten--it’s mesmerizing. I will absolutely be your hype man while Kai-chan toughs out this reality he’s chosen.”

Giggling softly, Kokichi shook his head a little, a fond look in his eyes. “I told you guys about how she wanted to summon a demon to make it her pet, right? She’s definitely someone into alternative stuff… I think she’d be over the moon to check out your snake. Cali...I don’t know. I think she’d think it’s cool for a bit, but…” Kokichi smiled kindly. “I think she’s coming to terms for the first time what she thinks about hunting and animal husbandry and all that. She seemed...a little unsure and shocked when we talked about how leather is made from animal skin.”

“Cali’s a sweetheart at her core.” Kaito theorized, still just absolutely enjoying himself as he watched his two men snuggle. They were both so sweet and cute and pretty… his… “I mean, Timothy was a nervous kid by himself, more or less, when they met, and she just leapt at him. And knowing Tim, I doubt he made it easy. You have to have a strong empathetic bone to see a kid in need of a friend and decide hell or high water you’re gonna be it.”

“...that’s true.” Shuichi said softly, giving Kaito a fond look.

“But, I mean…” Kaito shrugged, “Nothing wrong with being empathetic. And yeah, especially animal stuff? It can be kind of a bummer, the more you think about it…” Kaito sighed, “If only they weren’t so delicious… and made such good clothes! And weren’t such bastards.”

“Are you thinking of birds again?”

“Birds are bastards.”

Kokichi glanced over to Shuuichi with a soft smile before resting his head on his shoulder for a moment, giving Kaito an adoring look. Because of course he knew what Shuuichi’s comment meant. And while Kokichi wouldn’t always call his husband the epitome of empathy? Kaito had an inordinate amount of compassion for the people he claimed as his, and...well, at the end of the day with the big trio, compassion was all you needed to be good to people. 

And Cali definitely had bricks from that path in her own. 

Nodding, Kokichi sighed, though he snorted a bit at Kaito’s continued hatred for birds. “I definitely know what she’s going through, at least a little. I may eat meat now, but...I mean, Maki-chan’s guess all back when wasn’t too off--I actually was a vegetarian for a while. But...I really wasn’t that good about getting protein from other sources and...yeah. Meat’s delicious.”

“And I know that people who raise animals for meat and products treat their livestock really well. So...I’ve at least come to terms with it to live without constant guilt. And things like leather and fur tend to last for super long times, so it’s not like you’re constantly needing to replace them.” In a way, it was almost like Kokichi was still trying to convince himself. 

That was definitely a superpower he couldn’t handle having. If he could understand animals, Kokichi wouldn’t be able to bring himself to use any animal products ever again...unless it was, like, wool or honey. Stuff that animals “dropped”, so to speak, so they could continue to live happily while supplying products. 

Cali definitely had his support in figuring out this new ethical quandary. 

Kaito nodded, though… he was honestly still just kinda caught up looking at them. Shuichi and Kokichi looked… really nice, right now. Cosy in the warmth of the green house, rain pounding the glass above… and just as Kaito was also coming to the conclusion that they both looked very pretty in this odd, silver lighting, a bright shock of white illuminated them-

CRACK!

Kaito winced, a little, worriedly looking up. It was just the sound of thunder, lightning cutting through the sky and briefly illuminating the whole room, but Chako’s observation of the glass filled Kaito’s thoughts, and he peered up, trying to see if he could see any cracks…

CRACKLE! Brrrrrr-uhm…

Shuichi smiled, resting his head on top of Kokichi’s, watching the lightning cut through the storm, “Your cat’s purring, Kokichi.”

Kokichi jumped slightly--more just surprised by the sudden crack of thunder--before grinning, looking up at the sky to see if he could see more distant flashes of lightning among the clouds. But upon feeling Shuuichi rest on him, Kokichi just cuddled in more, sighing happily as the sky rumbled. “Aw… It’s been a while since we had a good thunderstorm like this… Now it’s even cooler to be right in the middle of it!”

Wrapping an arm around Shuuichi’s waist--or what he could reach of it--Kokichi nuzzled in more. “Mmm...want a slice of kiwi, Shuu-chan? It’s cute, how they’re all cut in this zig-zag pattern… Chako really went all out, huh?”

Shuichi ‘hmmmed’ indistinctly, before nodding, leaning his head forward and parting his mouth a little, something mildly playful in his expression..

Kokichi’s eyebrows raised a little but...well. He was feeling kind of daring today. Maybe just because of the storm. 

Putting the end of the kiwi slice in his own mouth, Kokichi leaned in to pass it over to Shuuichi, the same sort of playfulness mixed with utter, well, devotion and affection in his own eyes.

Kaito was… fucking floored.

Shuichi’s eyes widened ever so slightly, not having expected Kokchi to raise the stakes, but smirked a little. His cheeks pinked a little, but he wasn’t about to be outdone (or, out flustered) before leaning in and, softly, wrapped his lips around the open part of the kiwi, softly pressing his lips against Kokichi’s, enjoying that small, soft taste for a moment… before biting down on the kiwi, humming in satisfaction as he kissed Kokichi gently again, pulling back. “Mmmm… those are really good. Thank you Kokich.”

Glancing over at Kaito, Shuichi snickered. “You okay there, Kaito?”

Kaito was… floored. And bright red. And was now just sitting up, knees pressed to his chest, just openly staring. “Huh?” Kaito asked, blinking, several seconds after Shuichi had said anything, and still not entirely certain what exactly his boyfriend had said as he asked again, “Huh? What was… what was that, Shuichi?”

Kokichi smiled, pleased with the gentle press of Shuuichi’s lips--even if it was a little awkward in a way that made him want to giggle--and easily relinquished the kiwi to his partner. Very cute, very sweet, and thankfully still in the realm of things Shuuichi wanted to do. 

“No problem!” Kokichi chirped, licking his lips a bit of stray kiwi juice. 

And, of course, definitely something that Kaito wanted for today. 

Giggling softly at Kaito’s absolute astonishment, Kokichi tilted his head to the side coyly and picked up another kiwi slice. “Did you want one too, Kai-chan?”

Kaito could not have gotten up faster, shuffling over the blanket- “Kaito! Watch the plates!”- before settling in front of Kokichi and Shuichi, having managed to dodge all the plates inexplicably, grinning wide and saying, “C-aaaaaaan I get it the same way?”

“In what sense?” Shuichi asked curiously.

“What?! The… the sexy sense! The way you did it!”

“Sexy?” Shuichi looked curiously at Kokichi, “Did we do something sexy?”

Kokichi widened his eyes innocently, shrugging a bit at Shuuichi. “I...really have no idea what he’s talking about. I just handed you a kiwi since I’m closer. I don’t wanna, like, eat in your ear, but he can still munch a bit while sitting together.”

Sighing, Kokichi shook his head at Kaito, but...for as good as acting as he could be sometimes, right now Kokichi wasn’t trying all that hard. And, clear to see, there was a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. “If you’re gonna be weird about it… Kai-chan? Could you close your eyes while I give you your kiwi? Don’t want ya gettin’ sexy ideas where there are none…”

Kaito pouted at both of them, “Come on, guuuuys…”

“Eyes closed, Kaito. Someone has to keep your libido in check.” Shuichi teased gently.

Kaito huffed, but closed his eyes, parting his mouth slightly. Honestly not sure if he was about to get a prank or not.

It might’ve been a prank, depending on your feelings. But Kokichi had a feeling that Kaito would approve of this one. 

Getting up on his knees to equalize their heights more, Kokichi put the edge of the kiwi in his mouth, just as he had before, before leaning in, gently cupping Kaito’s jaw and being careful to push the kiwi slice into Kaito’s mouth as carefully as he could… Before surging forward to full-on kiss Kaito, sliding his tongue in with the kiwi for a moment and nipping Kaito’s lip before sitting back.

“Oh my god, Kokichi.” Shuichi snorted, “Are you trying to eat him?”

“Urp!!-...Hmm.” Kaito hummed happily, having not realized that Kokichi wasn’t pushing the kiwi in with his fingers till the absolute last second, where he was, uh, quickly enlightened. He couldn’t help but grin and laugh a little by the time Kokichi was nipping at him, pulling back, and Kaito’s eyes lit up, unable to help putting his hand out and grasping Kokichi’s shoulders before he could sit back too hard. 

“‘Kiiiichiii… I’m still hungry.” Kaito insisted, grinning wolfishly at his husband, leaning in, a specific light in his eyes as he moved in… which was replaced immediately with some bewilderment as his mouth was suddenly filled with brownie. “Mph??”

“What?” Shuichi asked, smirking as he poked in the brownie further, laughing a little at Kaito’s baffled expression, “You said you were hungry.”

“Rng-ghim mm.”

“Don’t speak with your mouth full Kaito”

“What?” Right again, Kokichi turned that saccharine, innocent look back on Shuuichi, even as Kaito was grasping his shoulders. “He wanted a kiwi, I gave him a kiwi. You two sure have your heads in a gutter today.”

...it was fun, getting to tease his partners like this. He knew Shuuichi would likely not actually be in the mood, but...now? Instead of leaving Kaito high and dry… Kokichi didn’t even feel like he’d just gotten over a hump. He felt okay. Lively and energetic and like himself. So...if, among all their teasing and cute moments together...Kaito felt like ending the day Kokichi was sure many adult couples did today? Then Kokichi was happy to be a part of that too. 

He’d really missed this…

Taking a step away from the teasing look, Kokichi’s expression was genuinely fond as he looked over his partners before giggling softly at Kaito’s plight. “I still need to eat, myself, too. Think I’m gonna finish my meat bun…”

Kaito gave Shuichi an exaggeratedly annoyed look, though honestly, he was thrilled with all of this. Kokichi seemed happy and energetic, Shuichi was calm and playful, they both seemed… good. Content. It was Kaito’s favorite way to be with them, really. 

...it was good brownie too..

...also, absolutely Kaito was going to get some tonight, and that was fucking thrilling. Again! Again! He wasn’t going to whine! No whining! B-but like...it’d been a whiiiiile… he was excited! He was so excited! 

Leaning back a little, Kaito idly finished his impromptu brownie, watching the two of them eat cheerfully. It was a nice day…

CRACK!!

Even with the weather.

“Shuichi, you want some more juice, handsome? Babe, can I top you off?” Kaito asked, grabbing the bottle of juice Chako had packed.

-

“What name should we put for the log book?” The stable hand asked warily, a little uneasy to get too close to her. The energy coming off of her was… strange. Something primal in him told him to be careful.

“Doesn’t matter. Feed it, water it, I’ll sort it out later.” She said, looking up at the castle, her gaze a little too intense. A little too wide.

“Uh, it doesn’t work like that… do you need a healer?” The stablehand asked, looking the woman up and down, worried about her hands and legs, both rubbed raw. “How long have you been riding? In a… skirt?”

“It’s what I had available.” She murmured, “Call it Nobody. And I don’t need a healer.”

The stable hand watched her walk towards the castle… he was pretty sure he recognized her. Wasn’t that the Luminary chick? The one people whispered was an assassin… he was stunned she was walking straight. That ride had been unkind to her legs…

-

I can take more juice, but, uh…” Kokichi blushed lightly, carefully standing up and making sure not to shift anything they had out. “I gotta use the bathroom. I’ll be right back!”

...he did have to go. But…

(...he didn’t know. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t really...making him nervous or anything. But he just...suddenly felt antsy. Like something was about to happen. Again, it didn’t feel bad. But...he didn’t know. It was just something big.)

Kaito looked him over, and while there was a… vague, insistent desire to escort him, make certain he had a strong arm to lean on…

...his Kokichi was doing better. He could get to the bathroom by himself.

Still he grinned somewhat shyly as he said, “Alright! Hurry back. Don’t be afraid to say if you need anything!” he insisted.

Kokichi gave Kaito a wave but headed over to the stairs. There were bathrooms on the fifth floor--there were required to be bathrooms on any given floor of a public building--but...well, to be frank, Kokichi just didn’t really like the bathrooms on the fifth floor. They were the same design as the public restrooms on the rest of the floors but...well. He just didn’t like them. 

So fourth floor bathrooms it was. 

Kaito watched him go, before grinning at Shuichi.

“...sooooo you wanna be fed more food?”

Shuichi sighed, rolling his eyes.

-

CRACK!! CRACK-CRACK!!

She walked into the main hall, looking warily around… stepping inside, the doors were caught by the wind, slamming shut behind her. Water dripped off her clothes, hair, her skin, pooling on the floor…

There had been a real part of her, that had sort of… thought maybe they’d be right there. Right when she walked inside… she was irrationally afraid, when she didn’t see them right away.

(... what if… what if something had happened while she was gone…)

She started walking forward, suddenly practically snarling, heading towards the stairs, when Kirumi suddenly appeared.

“Welcome back, Miss Harukawa.” the housekeeper greeted, a disdainful look ever so slightly on her face, as she said, “You are dripping on the floor. It’ll create a hazard. May I pull you aside and help you dry off-”

“No.” Maki muttered, walking past her, “Figure it out.”

Kirumi glared at her, before seemingly out of nowhere, pulling out a wet floor sign for the stairs, and grabbing a dry mop she inexplicably had nearby, mopping behind her as she impatiently said, “It wouldn’t take long, I would just need to fetch some dry towels from my cart-”

“Are the princes’ and Shuichi eating in the dining hall?” Maki suddenly asked, looking towards the dining hall, suddenly remembering things like ‘time for lunches’ was a real concept people obeyed.

“I do not keep track of where the princes are, Miss Haruka-”

“So where are they then?”

Kirumi sighed, giving her another disdainful look, “...I believe they are up in the greenhouse.”

That was all Maki needed. She continued up the stairs.

If they were somewhere, they were fine. No one was dead. No danger there. Where was her son? What time of day was it? Would he be at school? What day was it?

Almost there… almost done...almost there…

…

(Whatever was making him antsy evidently wasn’t in the bathroom. And it was probably good for all parties that that was true.)

Kokichi stretched a bit as he exited the bathroom on the fourth floor--rather close to Kaito’s shrine, actually--and...of course he wanted to get back and continue their date. But he wasn’t feeling...like he was in a hurry to get back, despite knowing that Kaito was going to be battling with his worry and his desire to give Kokichi his space of autonomy the entire time. 

It was just...a weird feeling he couldn’t place.

As he headed for the stairs, he could just barely hear...something else weird. Quick, purposeful footsteps, but...quiet. The person wasn’t making themselves meek and small, careful with every step to make the least amount of noise. They were moving too quickly for that. But it was like…

Kokichi’s jaw dropped, his eyes widening. Facing looking like...he’d either seen a ghost or the face of god. 

Before his entire face crumpled, though there was no mistaking the wide, hopeful grin on his face. 

“...Maki-chan?”

Maki’s eyes widened.

There was a brief moment, where she actually couldn’t move. Her chest freezing up. Something in her hurt… it was stupid, but it hurt… both nothing running through her surface thoughts, and her mind racing with things deep in her. Things she wouldn’t understood if she tried.

(He’s alive.) was the simple one. A sense of relief. Of reassurance. The last time she had seen him was not the last time.

And another thought of…

(Mine. The other one. He’s here. I can feel him. He’s okay.)

[My treasured hoard.]

Maki didn’t say anything. She just watched his face crumble and bolted. Running towards him, wanting him to have a soft place to land, a safe place to curl up and cry, safe, safe, they were safe, as she pulled him into herself. Holding him close.

Safe, safe, safe. “...I’m sorry I’m wet.” she murmured, holding him tight. “It’s raining outside.”

Kokichi knew that he was going to be a mess no matter what when Maki came home, but...despite having imagined her calling him a crybaby and being embarrassed but silently pleased with his hug, Kokichi threw his arms around his friend--(one of his dearest people in the entire world, now home at last, safe and sound)--and started to sob in joy. The next thing out of his mouth was definitely Maki’s name again, though...it was garbled to the point of barely being recognizable. 

“D-did you just come in? Oh, Maki-chan, you m-must be fre--heeehhee--zing! Maki-chaaaann!!!” Kokichi sobbed, holding her tight, before letting out a pitchy laugh. “F-fuck...we didn’t finish your r-room in time… I wa-wanted to get it all - all decorated before you came back… Kuh!!”

...he had said, like a piece of propaganda blaring through streets every day, that Maki was going to come home. He had believed it. 

But there was a part of him that had worried. And now that she was back...Kokichi didn’t want to let go. 

Though he did a little, just to not wipe his nose on her. Tears still steaming down his face, Kokichi beamed at her. “Shit...Tim’s at - at school… C-c’mon, Kai-chan and Shuu-chan are - are upstairs...and we need to get ya dry and warmed up...Makiiiii!!!”

Maki sighed, further reassured. They were fine… they were all fine… Timothy was at school. Shuichi and Kaito were spending time in the green house-

Maki blinked in annoyance as a large towel was suddenly placed around herself and Kokichi, just looking annoyed as she continued to hug Kokichi while Kirumi took this moment of Maki’s hands being full to suddenly start rubbing them both down. “Tojo.” She growled.

“Just making certain Prince Kokichi and yourself won’t catch cold.” Kirumi said simply, rubbing the towels down their legs, before pausing, “...you should see a healer, Miss Harukawa.”

“I’m fine.” Maki said, disentangling herself from Kokichi, her face hard again. “Timothy is in school… good. That’s best… hold your tears, Kokichi, now’s not the time. I need to see Shuichi and Kaito… is the baby alright? Has there been any complications I should know about before I see Shuichi?”

Pulling away enough now, Kokichi could see the redness of Maki’s hands and creeping down her legs. For the first time--but, forgive him, he was occupied--it occurred to Kokichi that...had Maki come back alone? This was...way faster than full caravans should’ve been able to make it back, even without snow this time. 

...she wouldn’t rest until she’d seen everyone. So it was best to just make it easy for Maki. 

Standing more upright, sniffling back his tears, Kokichi gently took Maki’s arms, though he managed to give Kirumi a thankful nod. “Thank you for the towel, Kirumi. We’ve been, u-um, anxious for this reunion, so sorry for the water… We’ll clean up after ourselves.”

But quickly, his focus was back on Maki. “No...no, M...oh, we named her? Her name’s gonna be Miyako. Miya’s doing well...she’s really healthy. She’s due in about a month. Shuu-chan’s...bigger, than when you left and...he’s kinda insecure about that but...he’s good. We’ve been...we’ve been good.”

Kirumi nodded her head, but regardless, went back to mopping, getting another wet floor sign for this floor now too, as Maki and Kokichi started to head up.

“Miyako… Miss Kirigiri will be thrilled.” Maki murmured, before suddenly stopping, grabbing Kokichi by the arm and forcing him to stop mid-stairwell. Looking at him intensely…

She grabbed his face. Turned it this way or that, looking at the edges of his eyes, the color, his cheekbones… “You’re skinnier.” She noted, letting him go, taking his arm and forcing him to put some weight onto her as they climbed the stairs now. “And you’re tired. Why?”

“...yeah? That would be nice…” Kokichi softly murmured. As much as he wanted to catch Maki up on everything that had happened in the last...four? Fuck, it felt like so much longer than four… Months, Shuuichi’s...struggle? With his mentor, and her lack of communication...it wasn’t his thing to tell. But it would be nice if she was happy with the name they’d chosen.

Kokichi’s eyebrows rose a bit when Maki suddenly grabbed his face, but...really, he should’ve expected this. It was luck she hadn’t demanded it of him immediately. Sighing, he gently patted her hand. “I had a bad attack recently. I’m all on the up and up now, but I ended up losing a lot of weight. I’ll tell you about it in more detail later.”

“...but what about you? Your legs and hands are chaffed and blistered to all hell, Maki-chan.” Kokichi’s eyebrows pinched in as he really took in her hands. And...in a skirt… “Did you… Have you been riding non-stop to get here?”

“... I wanted to get home.” She said, a grim, determined look on her face… almost there. Almost done… “But it was important to get home soon… it was important…”

They got to the top of the stairs, and again, she paused… Kokichi had a heart attack recently…

“Kokichi.” She said. “Maybe you should wait outside.”

Kokichi’s own face softened. “...we really missed you. And I’m glad you’re home. I know...it’s gonna be such a relief for Shuu-chan to know you’re here, when Miya’s gonna be born. But...when you’ve seen everyone, let’s get you some cream and bandages, alright? And Maki-chan can rest.”

It was going to be a relief for all of them. But that didn’t mean there weren’t mixed feelings. 

His lips pursing, Kokichi shook his head. “...they are mad at you. Probably for more reasons than I know. But...they love you, Maki-chan. We’re your family...and they’re gonna be so happy that you’re here.” He promised. “I’ll be alright. I’m steady and no matter how they’ll react, I’m going to be okay. But...they love you. So it’s gonna be okay too.”

Maki nodded grimly… almost there.

Almost done.

-

“Okay, but like… which do you like more?” Kaito asked, just lounging next to Shuichi, holding up some fruit, as he said, “I won’t try to compete with the dessert, but, like… if you had to choose between kissing me and eating some fruit-”

“Fruits good for me.” Shuichi mused, smirking a little.

“I’m good for you! I put you through workouts and encourage you to eat right-”

“I feel like I’m leaning towards the fruit.”

“Come on… I’m sweet. Maybe not as sweet as honey, unlike some people.” Kaito grinned, kissing Shuichi a little… before glancing up at the ceiling, watching the glass as another flash of light hit, and then -

CRACK! 

“Man, it’s really going hard today…” he frowned, “...does it feel like Kokichi’s taking too long, or-”

The door to the green house opened, and Kaito felt a small rush of relief, looking over and grinning, “Welcome back ba...be…”

There was a rush of silence. Only the rain, hammering down on the glass above, as red eyes pierced through the silver lighting.

Shuichi moved first.

It was a scramble. A desperate scramble to get up, his eyes wide, already swimming, just scrambling to get up, until finally Kaito, in purely mute instinct, got up to help him up, Shuichi running as soon as he was to his feet. 

He wasn’t even aware he was saying anything, it came out as a disbelieving chant, as he said quietly, “you came back, you came back, you came back, Maki!!”

He burst into shameless, ugly tears as he threw himself at her, Maki easily catching the hug, though she had to keep her back and legs steady to support his weight as he sobbed into her shoulder, “Maki, Maki!! You came back!! Stop leaving! Please, please, please stop leaving!”

Maki closed her eyes, not saying anything. Unwilling to make a promise she couldn’t keep. But she held him and rubbed his back and Shuichi, at least, looked healthy. Hell, he was fucking glowing. Seeing him, round and healthy and able to run to her… he was okay…

As Shuichi cried that she was back, every other word her name, every other word a desperate plea for her to stay, to stop going, she came back, he had been so scared for her, Maki just held him. Content with this. Shuichi was healthy. Kokichi was well. Timothy was at school.

...perhaps she shouldn’t have come back. Perhaps this was the most selfish decision she could have made for them. 

But it was important.

She was almost there.

She looked at Katio, who stared back at her in stunned, stupid surpise.

Almost done.

It was amazing to see Shuuichi and Maki reunited, even with how much pain Shuuichi had gone through with her absence. Kokichi...really didn’t know who had been hurt more, between his partners. But, for various reasons, Shuuichi had been the most vocal and most outwardly bitter about it. And while Kokichi couldn’t see the future...things just felt right again. 

Hopefully they wouldn’t have to swing out of balance in the future. 

But there was one more piece to their four-way scale. 

Kokichi looked over to Kaito, his eyes red and streaming again in the wake of Maki and Shuuichi’s reunion, and...he knew he couldn’t insist that Kaito get over there so they could all be together again. 

Because things had changed. And while Kokichi knew Kaito loved Maki a lot...there was a lot of conflict in him too. 

So with light steps, Kokichi became the bridge between them. Going over to Kaito’s side and gently touching his arm, giving him a small smile. As if to say, ‘...so? Is this okay?’ 

Kaito looked down at Kokchi, still, just… surprised. Almost alarmed. 

He… he wasn’t ready for this. 

A part of him had really believed this was never coming.

That she would never return. That she would never risk this encounter. That she… would decide it was better to never see him again. For both of their sakes.

Maki watched the exchange between Kokichi and Kaito, and closed her eyes again, holding Shuichi tight. Kokichi was fine. Shuichi was well. Timothy was in school. Her siblings… as far as she had heard, they were fine, in the sense that they had made it to Dicea’s capital safely. The war was over. Indentured’s free. Her job done.

Almost done.

She was almost done.

She had one thing left to do.

It was… important. 

To her and to him.

“I love you very much, Shuichi.” Maki said, the first thing she had said to him yet. Before gently pushing him off of herself.

Shuichi froze the second she said it, and fought the push, “Don’t you dare.” he growled at her, eyes wide. “You stupid fucking idiots, don’t you do this.”

Maki just pushed him off, ignoring his furious look. She stepped forward, and Shuichi grabbed her arm, holding it tight. Too tight… but knowing talking to her was a lost cause, he shot his furious gaze at Kaito, who winced at it, literally taking a step back. “If you do anything, we’re done. Do you understand, Kaito? I won’t forgive you.”

Kaito just looked… lost. Giving Shuichi that same alarmed look he had been sporting this whole time. Just… knowing he hadn’t been ready for this. Not really. He had really… really thought she might never return…

He understood why it was in her hands, but there was still a real part of him that winced in fear when he suddenly saw the dagger appear in her hands. Purely on instinct-- sharp objects were bad for Kokichi-- Kaito gently pushed Kokichi a little behind himself as Maki walked forward. Making himself bigger. A wall.

Maki paused, seeing his fear. That wasn’t what she wanted… so, halfway there, she knelt in the dirt. And, with precision, she threw the dagger to his feet, lodging it there. Kaito staring at it with the same baffled alarm he had given everything so far.

Maki sighed-- almost done-- and then lowered herself into a full submission bow. Her hair sprawling wildly over her shoulders tangled by the rain and the wind. Still dipping and aching from her desperate ride. Her last duty to fulfill. The final part of this job.

“...Kaito Ouma Momota, I have ruined your family, betrayed your trust, and threatened your people.” Maki said into the dirt. Resigned to whatever happened. “I submit myself to your judgment.”

Kokichi stumbled a little as Kaito pushed him back, and...Kaito wasn’t ready for this. Kokichi had...well, he hadn’t not expected this from them, but...it didn’t feel like there was some great point leading up to this. It was just shocking and jarring and…

...there was nothing he could do but watch his friends do this. 

Kokichi wanted to insist that past Momotas had betrayed Luminary first. That Byakuya was planning on betraying its people in a bid to save them, and the people had decided that it wasn’t acceptable. That, as painful as it was, Kaito’s family had torn itself apart between Kaede’s and Byakuya’s respective ambitions. That, as heartbreakingly painful as it was, it wasn’t about them so you didn’t need to do this!

...but that wasn’t how it felt to either of them. And doing nothing would hurt them both in different ways. 

Sighing, Kokichi pressed his face to Kaito’s back for a moment, simply murmuring, “Death is an ending. Nothing moves forward from it.”

Kaito barely heard it. 

He stared at Maki, a… a thousand thoughts rushing through his mind...much like aki earlier, he was both conscious of them and wasn’t. Couldn’t define them. Just feelings that rushed through him.

(I have a duty.)

[... but so does she. That’s why we’re here.]

(She threatened my family. Even before Byakuya… did what he did. Kaito knew. His parents had been on that fucking wall. Along with his brother. In a different life, so would have been his wife. So would have been his son.)

(So would have been Miyako.)

[But she didn’t… and she’s family too. She deserves the same forgiveness you showed your brother. More so.]

{You don’t hurt the pack… even if they’re begging for it.}

(She betrayed my trust… I really, truly thought… never. Maki would never. Not something that would hurt me so badly…)

[She didn’t… don’t put the pain of everything that’s happened at home on her shoulders. She had so little to do with all of it… she was just as swept up in the tide as you were. It wasn’t her fault…]

There are villains in your life, Kaito.

Real, true villains.

Maki wasn’t one of them.

Kaito stared at her. Really looked at her. Really saw her, since she first walked in, beyond the panic of realizing she was here… and frowned.

He walked past the knife, leaned down, looked at where her legs pressed against the dirt.. “Kokichi, babe, close your eyes. Shuichi, go help him. Maki, how…” Kaito lifted her skirt a bit, moving her hips slightly, her new stress position opening up dozens of deep, sharp cuts on her upper thighs, hidden by the skirt, blood starting to freely flow down her legs into the dirt, as Kaito whispered, “How did you even get up here?”

“It was important.” Maki murmured, starting to tremble. In the stillness, as her heart rate calmed down from the adrenaline of getting here, seeing them, the sheer toll her body was under suddenly hitting her. She was… dizzy… her skin hurt everywhere. She was cold.

She didn’t fight it when Katio picked her up, heading towards the doors, “I’m taking her to the healers.”

Kokichi had known that Maki was in a bad state. The second he could see past the sheer relief of knowing she was alive and there, he had seen it. But he hadn’t seen all of it. And he knew that Maki would not rest until she saw the rest of their family. 

At first, Kokichi’s eyes had widened, genuinely terrified that Kaito was actually going to kill Maki right in front of him. ...but Kaito’s voice wasn’t that awful blank, determined thing. It was concerned, and taking that concern and turning it into action. 

And he had walked past the dagger. 

Kokichi closed his eyes, heart sinking...just a little when Kaito said they were going to the healers. But just because his friend was in pain and in a bad way. Mostly…

...they had all really changed this year. But they were a family.

Holding his hand out for Shuuichi, Kokichi murmured, “Let’s pack up here then meet them in the med bay. I dunno if she’ll wanna stay awake, but we’ll already have food ready if she does.”

Shuichi let out a shaky breath, taking Kokichi’s hand and waiting for them to be gone, before letting out a frustrated breath, “Stupid fucking… jocks… ugh, I’m going to kill them both myself someday, just watch.”

Sighing, he kissed Kokichi’s temple, “You can look now. And, okay… we’ll do that. I’ll try to think of reasons to let those idiots live while we head down.”

“They’re ridiculous,” Kokichi agreed, opening his eyes, glancing to the door in concern. But...she was home, and getting help now. She was home. With a sigh, Kokichi started packing up the plates and few pieces of food they hadn’t eaten that they’d taken out, glad that Kaito hadn’t gone to get the record player after all. “Do you wanna get the blanket, Shuu-chan?”

...holy shit Maki was back. 

Kokichi would ask if someone could let Tim and Haneda know when the nanny picked him up from school. Even if she was out, Tim still deserved the chance to see her immediately. 

Giving Shuuichi a slight smile, he pressed their arms together. “I think because you love them should count as a reason.”

“Tch. Maybe I’m the idiot then…” Shuichi sighed, grabbing the blanket.

Maki’s job might be done, but that never meant the work was done.

Now it was time to pick up the pieces of her choices.

-

Maki had just stared blankly at the healers, as they rushed and fussed around her, telling her her symptoms like they were scolding her, and some of them were, most of the symptoms the results of her choices she had made getting up here so quickly. The sacrifices to her body she had made in her desperate desire to finally be done.

Her backside and thighs were raw and bruised from the relentless ride of the horse without proper riding gear, and her cuts were clearly not new, and some of them looked infected. Maki watched wordlessly as a variety of ointments were put onto her, seemingly unembarrassed by the private places the healers had to touch and inspect and bandage, simply allowing it to happen to her, as more and more clothes were taken off of her to discover more and more parts of her body were in serious condition.

Her right foot was blackening, Maki not having let cuts there properly heal and water soaking them for too long. The healers gave her bitter, urgent warnings of situations like these leading to lost toes, even entirely lost feet. As they put ointment on, Maki wiggled said toes and decided not to worry about it. It would heal. 

She had a fever. It was ravaging her body. Was this how she was dressed outside? Why hadn’t she dressed for the rain? How long had she been outside? 

When was the last time you ate a full meal?

Maki answered the questions without much concern, and each answer upset the healers more. Maki didn’t really care. She had gotten the job done. She had done her duty. She was finished.

She was tired.

And throughout all that, Kaito stood beside the bed, watching the healers with concern, sometimes answering things on Maki’s behalf, since Maki seemed to refuse to do so, and the healers needed permission to do certain things. Yes, you can look there. Yes, please, if it’ll help the fever, give her that, no, she’s not allergic, yes, take that off, Maki, they can take that off, right?

And Maki just quietly watched Kaito do this, occasionally nodding, occasionally just looking…

When the healers all went away for a bit, some doing paperwork, a few collecting things, Maki basically naked under a blanket they had put on her, heating pads pressed to her waist and thighs and arms, she looked at Kaito as he sat with her, the Luminary Prince looking stressed. “...Maki, why would you do this to yourself?” Kaito murmured. “You know better.”

“I do.” she agreed hallowly.

“I can’t even fucking believe you made it here in this conditon… how are you even awake right now?”

“I don’t know.” She said quietly. “I can just… do things like that.”

“You clearly can’t. The healers just spent twenty fucking minutes telling you you can’t. For fucks sake, Maki...”

Maki looked at him. Her Luminary Prince. “...Kaito?”

“Yeah?”

“I was going to kill Luminary.” Maki said softly, “I thought I had a chance too. I really, truly believed it… and if they didn’t do what I wanted, I was going to follow through.”

Kaito stared at his knees, sitting in the chair. He didn’t know what to say to that. He had no idea what she was talking about… oh. Oh, of course… the farms. The famine. 

“...that wouldn’t have been your choice alone.” Kaito muttered.

“I would have forced them. I would have found a way.” Maki said, voice unbearably soft. “I would have killed all of them, my friends, my comrades, anyone who stood in my way. All to stop them from stopping me from killing hundreds of thousands of people… I would have done it.”

“...” Kaito looked over to Maki. He wasn’t surprised, to see tears in her eyes.

His friend wasn’t a monster.

“...I don’t want to make decisions anymore.” Maki said softly. “Not for a while.”

Kaito frowned at that, a little taken off guard by that. Not sure… why she would even tell him that. What she was hoping to accomplish… before an absurd understanding ran through him, 

“...do you mean, like… at all?”

“Yes.” was the soft reply.

“... for how long?”

“I haven't decided.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Kaito muttered, running a hand over his face. “...are we talking big decisions or-”

“Just for awhile, Kaito.” Maki said quietly. Her hands fisting into her sheets. “... I almost killed Luminary… I’m tired…”

Kaito gave his friend a strained look… before reaching out and taking her hand in his. Maki allowing it as he looked at her.

“...just for awhile.” Kaito said quietly back, “Until you’re ready again. Until you feel better… you can count on me. I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of all of it. I swear it.”

Maki sighed, and relaxed a little. Feeling the rush of exhaustion hitting her, her eyes starting to flutter.

She was finally off work.

-

Maki was already asleep by the time Kokichi and Shuuichi made it down to the med bay, and...as much as Kokichi wanted to talk with her? He was glad. By how much the healers were murmuring and fussing about, Kokichi could tell it was bad. But not...worst case scenario bad. So, as he gently knocked on the private room in the ward and quietly entered, Kokichi could do it with confidence. 

...she looked so exhausted. 

Setting down the basket, Kokichi walked over and set a hand on Kaito’s shoulder, rubbing it gently. Not sure what to say yet, but...being there.

Shuichi was still outside, talking to the healers, wanting to know everything that had happened, based on how they understood it. He sounded tense and angry and worried, through the slightly adjacent door… Kaito thought he sounded a little like Maki. And Maki looked… small, in the bed. Thin. Even when they were together, Kaito wasn’t sure he had ever seen her this… vulnerable. Had she always been this little? Why was she so small?

Kaito glanced at Kokichi, feeling that gentle touch, before looking back at Maki. “...Sorry about all that.” Kaito murmured. “I’m sure that was...a little much.”

“I knew something like it was going to happen when she came back,” Kokichi murmured. “There’s just...so much. Too much. Between you guys, and with everything else that happened too… I think...what happened was probably the least dramatic version we could’ve seen.”

Kokichi paused before sighing softly, leaning against Kaito’s side since there wasn’t another chair nearby. He’d probably help grab more soon. “...though I do wish she hadn’t pushed herself so much. It’s a very Maki-chan thing, and I understand, but…”

He sighed again. Looking at the deep shadows under her eyes, not knowing exactly how bad it was, but knowing the vibes of the med ward enough to know that it was bad. But then Kokichi turned to his husband again, smiling softly. “...well, we’ll take care of her. And...we can figure out the next steps forward all together. It...it’ll be okay.”

“...are you, though? Or are you...just kind of in that numb area right now?”

...Kaito tried to imagine himself in Maki’s position. Having done something terrible to someone he loved and trying to decide if he was ready to go back and face that… especially someone like himself. Where a submission bow wasn’t just an empty gesture, but something that could have seriously been acted upon…

Kaito suspected he would have done the same thing as her. Gotten back as fast as he fucking could.

Before his courage failed him.

“...I feel cheated.” He said quietly. 

He was surprised at himself. He hadn’t expected to say that, and it was out of his mouth before he could even analyze it. But… it was just how he felt. Maki had gambled her life, their friendship, on a submission bow, and Kaito had opted to forgive her instead. Had seen she was hurt and… nothing else had mattered.

And then she had put herself under his care. Right after. He had sworn it.

...these were all rituals that mattered to him. He respected them. Maki… she hadn’t done it wrong. A submission bow was a perfectly reasonable reaction to what was going on between them. It made sense… but doing it in front of his husband and pregnant boyfriend was cheating. Doing it injured was cheating. Asking for his care, for him to take care of her, during this moment of weakness…

It was cheating. It wasn’t fair… it wasn’t fair.

But he had already made his choices. And he would honor them. And, he couldn’t say he would have done it any differently, under different circumstances… but he still felt taken advantage of. 

“... I don’t know.” Kaito whispered, “I wish we had spared instead.” he looked at her weakened frame, and realized a spar wouldn’t have felt any better, in these circumstances, and frowned. “Or… something. I don’t know… she just took my entire country hostage. Why does she look like this? Why does she look weak?”

Kokichi nodded softly, gently rubbing Kaito’s back. Instead of killing her, Kaito had chosen to focus on Maki’s injuries. Because...even in horrible situations, Kaito was the kind of person who wouldn’t ignore something like that. He had so much love in him, and it was a good thing in Kokichi’s opinion, something admirable...but it meant other things could be overshadowed. Leaving things...unresolved, and unsatisfactory. 

Kokichi didn’t truly understand submission bows in his heart, and he would always be glad that Kaito hadn’t taken Maki’s life. But even to him it didn’t feel finished. 

“...she looks like this because she took your country hostage, Kai-chan,” Kokichi murmured. Taking some leaps that he knew his therapists would be disappointed in, but...they felt right. “...Maki-chan is just a person. She has a lot of love...just like you. The people she cares about, she cares about so deeply that it’s like madness… Knowing that she was endangering countless people… She was determined. But just because you go through with something doesn’t mean it’s...it’s not poison to you. That it’s not a world-crushing weight.”

Kokichi frowned, looking at his friend in a way that, in any other circumstance, she might very well be tempted to break the ‘no hitting him’ rule. It was pity, and it was a deep, horrible understanding. 

“...as much as some people might see her that way...Maki-chan’s not a villain. Killing Luminary would’ve destroyed her.”

“...and the knowledge that, even if it didn’t actually happen, that she would’ve? Is still destroying her. Just...slower. And...thankfully for that, because it allowed her to get to us before it was too late. Even...if I think she wanted to use us as another destruction device.”

Sighing, Kokichi laid his head on Kaito’s shoulder, squatting down a little to do so. “...but all that doesn’t mean you’re not deeply hurt too. It doesn’t mean you have to throw all your feelings away for her. ...you guys need to talk. To really talk. But...for now...I think it’s just going to be shitty for a while. Unresolved and uncomfortable.”

“...I wish bad people would just be bad.” Kaito muttered. A genuinely frustrated look in his face. “And, like… other people. I wish they weren’t redeemable. I wish they weren’t, like… three dimensional people. Or people I care about. Or fucking me.”

Kaito twitched, “I wanted to be a hero, and for you all to be my colorful cast of sidekicks… Maki had rough edges and a troubled past, sure, but those things fundamentally weren’t her fault. Her story would have been a… an arc of learning to forgive herself for things she couldn’t control. To relax and let loose around her friends, people she could trust. And Shuichi… Shuichi’s arc would have been him learning to stand up for himself. Brave, in the face of all his endless fears of the world and other people. It would have been a hard road, but he would have gotten there. And yours… would have been proving yourself to all the people content to lock you away in a tower, your cartoon villain father finally being vanquished, allowing you to be the ruler you’re clearly destined to be.”

“It would have been… easy. Easier than all of this.” Kaito murmured, running a large, calloused hand over his face, hands hard and broken from things that had nothing to do with manual labor, but always, always, just… training. Training to be a hero. So he could leave behind the complicated world his brother and Kaede lived in, and go hide away in a story where the villains wouldn’t be trusted and adored by his parents and there were things he could actually do for the victims, that would involve punching some asshole or slaying some beast and their lives would be better in a tangible way and Kaito could ride off into the sunset, knowing he had been right. “This is a nightmare.”

Again, Kokichi nodded, though there was a tired look in his eyes. He and Kaito had such different ideas, but...at the end, it had been the same. 

“...it really sucks...and it’s so hard...mourning your ideals.”

Kaito modeled his idea of a perfect world off of stories, ones where there was a clear moral and the villains were Bad and the heroes were Good and while upsetting things happened, it...ultimately didn’t matter. Because the hero would win, the villain would get their comeuppance in a way that felt resolved to everyone, and all the hurt that they had caused wouldn’t stick with people. There weren’t...lasting negative consequences. Just a ramp of the hero’s deeds making things better and better for people. 

Kokichi had modeled his after the ideals and expectations he had been taught all his life. People were nuanced and complex, but...never truly villainous. There were always multiple sides to a story worth hearing, and if you were willing to care, then there could be a happy ending for everyone. Or...not even an ending. A happy future, because...things didn’t have to end. As long as people worked together, then there didn’t have to be endings. People were always ultimately trying to do well by themselves and their loved ones, and while those things could come into conflict, it was never completely disastrous, and if you could just talk, then you would always be able to come to an understanding. 

Neither of them were a true picture of reality. 

Kokichi closed his eyes, really...mourning. “...I wish you could’ve lived in the world you wanted. I wish things were simpler. I wish...that everything just...hadn’t gone so wrong. It’s not fair to you.”

...but the world wasn’t fair. And while people could strive to make it fair...some things were already done. There was no magic wand or heroic speech to make Kaito’s pain instantly heal and never ache.

They just had to take what they had and move forward.

“...ugh.” Kaito groaned, before sweeping Kokichi up into his lap, holding him like a damn teddy bear, burying his head into Kokichi’s hair, just… “Ugh.” He said again. Just exasperated, by this point. He had asked Atua for a break. The fuck was this shit!?

At the second ugh, Shuichi walked in, dragging two chairs behind him while a healer kept the door open for him, placing one chair down and sitting in the other with an equally annoyed thwump, “...Whelp.” Shuichi said, glaring at Maki, “She’s malnourished, her body is basically the equivalent of if several guys kicked her in several places over the course of days, and she’s sick. Probably a flu got her through her travels, and it might be becoming pneumonia, based on listening to her chest.”

“She’s not coughing.” Kaito noted.

“She wouldn’t, would she.” Shuichi growed, glaring at Maki’s still form. “God forbid the Maki Harukawa show symptoms of weakness...what should we tell Timothy?”

“...uuuuugh.” Kaito groaned. “I dunno… we shouldn’t let him see her like this. Give her till tomorrow? At least for her to be awake and play it off like it’s not that bad?”

“Will she be able to tomorrow?” Shuichi questioned, giving Maki a tired look. “If it does become pneumonia, she might look worse tomorrow.”

“Tim values strength… I don’t want him seeing her like this. Especially not without her permission. At least let’s wait for tomorrow to give her a chance to pull it together. We’ll tell him she’s here, but that she’s resting from the long trip.” Kaito decided, already feeling the strain of trying to guess what Maki would want. He had wanted to say ‘let’s wait for her to wake up and ask her’, but Maki had just asked him to make decisions like these… he had no idea how serious she actually was about that, but he wasn’t about to ruin her faith in him by dropping the ball at the very first throw.

Kokichi held onto Kaito in turn, nuzzling his head into his chest gently until Kaito buried his face, not wanting to headbutt his husband. Ugh indeed. Kokichi had really thought that the wedding was going to be the most stressful thing this year. Was it even in the top ten anymore? He’d have to legitimately make a list to consider it through. 

When Shuuichi returned, Kokichi grimaced as he ran through the laundry list of things Maki was dealing with right now. Pneumonia was...really bad. For him, it would probably be fatal, but...just for anyone? It was still incredibly dangerous. And if she was dealing with physical wounds at the same time...and then with being malnourished, her body didn’t have the supply to heal everything… Oh Maki…

...but the healers would do their best. And they’d be with Maki every step of the way. 

...even Tim, even if…

Kokichi blanched before looking a bit sheepish, starting to try and wiggle out of Kaito’s arms. “...Lake-nee was on gate duty...I asked her to tell Tim and Haneda-chan that Maki-chan was back and in the med bay when they got back from school. I...uh...should catch her before she catches them…”

“.....uuuuuuuuuugh.” Kaito grooooaned. “No, don’t, it’s fine. I mean… we’re not bringing Maki into her room tomorrow to pretend like she isn’t sick, I want her to stay with the healers. I just… fuck.”

“We can’t hide she’s sick from him. We can just give her a chance to let her not seem that affected by it. Maki’s an assassin, Tim’s a soldier, and more bluntly than that, they’re both Luminous. Strength even in weakness is valued there, and especially by people like them.” Shuichi sighed, “I agree Tim shouldn’t see her like this, specifically. But at least giving Maki a day to recover is… the best we can hope to do for her, on that front.”

“Maybe Timothy could sleep over Kimiko’s house tonight?” Kaito said, talking entirely to himself. “...he’s gonna sneak in to see her, even if I say no. Someone taught him to pick locks… he’s not gonna respect a closed door.”

“...maybe it would be good for Tim, to see Maki like this.” Shuichi said quietly.

Kaito glared at him. “We’re not using Maki as a fucking cautionary tale to her own kid, Shuichi. No.”

“Timothy is trying to mimic her ‘invincible’ mentality. He needs to see that even Maki can’t actually pull it off.”

“No.”

Kokichi tentatively stopped wiggling, feeling...kind of shitty but...he really believed that Tim should know that his mom was back. While it was a little too much to run over to the school to tell him immediately, he didn’t deserve to be treated as an afterthought. He deserved to be in the loop.

...but acknowledging that he was a child too. 

Frowning, Kokichi settled in Kaito’s lap. “...it’d be good for him to acknowledge that even Maki-chan has her limits. But that can happen conceptually, and while she’s actually conscious to talk with him. Seeing a parent pushed to the brink like this...can be really traumatizing. There’s a difference between realizing your parent is mortal, and seeing them hurt and in a bad spot.”

“...I think Kai-chan had a good idea, telling him that she’s resting.” Kokichi sighed slightly, thinking it over. “...we can be candid that she’s hurt and sick, but...I think it’s a good idea for him to wait to see her until she’s at least conscious.”

Looking up at Kaito, Kokichi gave a slight shrug. “...maybe you two could talk about how he wants to tell her everything he’s been up to in the past few months. I think...it could be good for both of them, for Tim to share his accomplishments and fun moments. I think the two of them need a deeper conversation too, but...that doesn’t mean the lighter stuff is trivial.”

“...how many months has she been gone?” Kaito asked uneasily.

“Four.” Shuichi automatically answered.

“Maki…” Kaito said quietly, looking over his friend...before his face suddenly scrunched up. Kaito hiding his face in Kokichi’s hair again, “Fuck.”

“...” Shuichi suddenly laughed.

“What?” Kaito asked miserably.

“...you’re not getting laid today, Kaito.” Shuichi laughed lightly. Some of the weight leaving his shoulders, now just… looking at Maki fondly. “Happy Devoted’s Day.”

“...Fuck.” Kaito cursed harder… before laughing too. The two practically giggling, Kaito looking up at Maki, eyes red around the edges, “Dammit Maki.”

“Our therapist is going to have a field day with that. You know she ships us, right? Like, I’m not the only person who’s picked up on that?” Shuichi asked with a small laugh.

“Oh?” Kaito said, his voice suddenly softer and higher, mimicking Dr. Mariah’s soft, childish, stern tone with, again, a surprising amount of accuracy as he continued softly, sounding vaguely smug, “She came back on Devoted’s Day? My, the symbolism is certainly wasted on her, isn’t it? A dramatic return in the rain after months of separation, on the day of proclamations of devoted love? My, I’ve read less heavy symbolism in copper-piece trashy romance novels… such a waste.”

“Maki’s going to hate her.” Shuchi sighed.

“Yeah…” Kaito sighed in turn.

It had been four long months… A lot had happened. It was...going to take a while to sync up again. None of them were the people they were so...maybe they’d never truly get back to the dynamic they had. But Kokichi really believed that they’d settle against each other again. 

And that hope wasn’t a ‘Maki’s coming back’ hope. It was just...something private, just for him. 

Kokichi looked over at Shuuichi in bewilderment before he snorted, shaking his head. Neither of them were even remotely in that headspace anymore… She really did come back to them on Devoted’s Day, huh. 

As Kaito impersonated Dr. Mariah, Kokichi sputtered out laughs, hiding and muffling himself in Kaito’s chest. “You are too good at that. ...pff. Both Dr. Mariah and Miss Crystal are gonna go wild when they hear Maki-chan’s back. Much to Maki-chan’s dismay.”

...though...therapy would probably do her a great deal of good. Especially with...Kokichi’s hunch about the new burden on Maki’s shoulders. 

“...least Maki-chan can get a grace period from nosy therapists while she’s healing. After that it’ll be up to her again to brush off questions they’ll try and slip her.”

“Impersonations are my super secret superpower.” Kaito said blankly.

“You know, I know you’re joking, but they really are.” Shuichi pointed out. “I’ve never heard you do an imitation that wasn’t entirely convincing. If you could just match the actual voices, they’d be spot on.”

Kaito didn’t want to ruin the mood saying Togami had taught him… but he had. It had been fun, practicing in Byakuya’s room, making silly voices at each other, mocking everyone else in the courts, his parents, Byakuya himself, Tengan. And Togami would laugh and then show him all the little corrections to get it just right… it had made Katio’s brief stint into acting that much easier. If he hadn’t been a six foot red head, and, well… not that fucking Luminary Prince, he might have used that skill more seriously…

But no one could look at him and just not see who he was. It always ruined the illusion. He could pretend to be whoever he wanted, but everyone would always see Kaito Momota.

He had understood why the local theaters after giving him a few tries had just… not wanted to deal with that. There had probably been something macarbly therapeutic for people, putting him in the villain roles, the comic relief roles. But that could only work so many times before the novelty factor wore off. And Kaito wasn’t stupid. He had seen the problem himself, the tricky position he was putting people in, auditioning for stuff. So he had quietly just stopped, and told himself it wasn’t something he wanted to do anyway.

Kaito spent a lot of time, telling himself he didn’t want things he couldn’t have.

“...I love her.” Kaito whispered. 

And then he burst into tears.”Why did she do this, why did she do this, I loved her.”

“...quieter, Kaito.” Shuchi said. “You’ll wake her up.”

“Impersonations and massages,” Kokichi hummed. Really, Kaito was a very skilled person. Impersonations and massages, and figure painting and plot analysis and exercise and delegation under stress and gift giving and...all sorts of things. Because whatever he wanted to do, Kaito had the determination to try and try again until he got it. That was why Kokichi knew that he’d be an amazing cook one day, since already he could make dishes that got Kokichi drooling and eager to eat. 

Kaito was just...a really good person with a lot to offer to the world. And it...sucked that he had been denied so much. 

Kokichi looked up at Kaito’s whisper, but immediately brought his arms higher up around Kaito’s shoulders to hold his husband as he cried. Just...making general soothing noises but letting Kaito express his pain. 

Because there wasn’t anything left to say, really. Not until Maki could speak for herself. 

...along with seeing the death of your ideals… Kaito regularly gave up so much of himself into love. Into the people he loved. But the fact was...people didn’t do the same for him. And it was painful, because it was what Kaito so desperately wanted. Kokichi didn’t ever want Kaito to know, but...he did wonder, after Kaito talked about it… Did his parents ever consider him? Byakuya...did, actually, make a sacrifice for his brother...and despite how twisted it was, Kokichi knew he cared for Kaito. But Byakuya didn’t nearly consider Kaito as much as Kaito considered him. Did Kaede care about him at all? 

...Kokichi knew Maki cared. But there were so many other people she cared about too. And all that care led them here, her tearing herself apart. 

Sometimes the power of love wasn’t the secret get-all ability of the heroes. Sometimes it was the most dangerous thing a person could ever do to themselves. 

Kokichi held Kaito, rubbing his back and neck, letting his husband’s tears soak into him.

-

“... she’s actually back?”

“....mmhm.”

“Then I should go see her.”

“She’s resting, kid. It was a long trip, and a hard one. She just needs to get some rest.”

“...”

“Come on, don’t just stare at the wall like that. What’s up, what’s on your mind?”

“...she doesn’t want to see me?”

“No. That’s not what this is. She’s resting. She wants to see you.”

“I don’t really care.” Timothy muttered, his clenched fists betraying him. “It’s been four months. What’s one more day?”

“Kid… hey, come here.”

“Nooooo.” At this, was a genuine whine, Timothy wiggling uncomfortably as Kaito pulled him into a hug. “I really don’t care. I’m not upset. Stop hugging me.”

Kaito sighed, letting go and backing off a bit, Timothy pouting at him now, cheeks puffed out… how the fuck did this kid look so much like Maki some days? He picked up mannerisms so quick… the angry way he was crossing his arms, legs slightly apart, Kaito recognized as himself easily, as he said, “Look, I’m promising you. If Maki was awake right now? She’d want to see you. She’s just asleep. She’s not avoiding you. I promise.”

“...is she…” At this, Tim hesitated, “...hurt?”

“She’s tired.” Kaito explained, giving Tim a reassuring look. “And she might have caught a cold on the way up. She might be a little sniffly and coughy when you see her. She’s fine though. Your mom could be up and about right now if she needed to, but there’s nothing super urgent going on, so we insisted she rest.”

Tim relaxed slightly, “Oh. You told her to rest.” That made more sense to him.

“Yes! Because as strong as she is, I’m allowed to fuss at her sometimes. Same way I’m allowed to fuss at you. It’s my job, kid.” Kaito grinned, watching Timothy relax into this new bit of information. “...She’s gonna be so excited to see you. What do you wanna tell her about since she’s been gone?”

Timothy shrugged, and Kaito laughed at that. The two going over possible things to bring up for the rest of the night.

-

“Okay…” Kaito said the next morning, to his audience of only Kokichi, Shuichi with Maki this morning as Kaito blearily looked around, having spent the night with Maki previously, after talking to Tim. 

Shuichi had wanted to stay, but the healers weren’t super comfortable with his pregnant self staying overnight with someone sick with the flu, and Kaito hadn’t felt super comfortable with him just sitting a ways from her in a chair all night. So, he had taken up Maki duty, while Kokichi and Shuichi slept in the bedroom, though Shuichi had taken post while Kaito and Kokichi had gotten breakfast, which they were now brining back, Kokichi getting the doors while Kaito held the breakfast. 

“So! Tim’s going to school today! I convinced him, that gives Maki till this afternoon to rest and be ready to talk to him! And… and...that’ll be fine, obviously. But, Haneda is walking him today. And, and…” Kaito squeezed the tray nervously, “...you’re going to work today? You can, it’s okay, you know. Maki… doesn’t need a watch or anything.”

He said. Knowing damn well he and Shuichi had, just, immediately gone back into that mindset. And Kaito… resisting looking at that too seriously yet. They weren’t on watches! They weren’t! Kaito trusted the healers! He and Shuichi just wanted to be close to her, in case she woke up! That’s all!

It had been...a long night. But, this next morning, the world bright and fresh with dew after a heavy rain, they were taking their next steps forward. 

Word had spread fast. While Maki wasn’t, like...besties with a ton of people, Kokichi had still had a talk with Ikuo, Lake, and Denji, explaining that, yeah, Maki was home, and sure, they could come see her and do all the homecoming stuff they wanted, but maybe later? Because she was sick from the journey and really needed rest…

...Kokichi was hoping that Maki would be up for their fussing at some point. They were all so excited. 

Kokichi gave his husband a look as they walked up to the med ward. “She doesn’t need a watch...but it’s been a long time since we’ve been back together. It might be a little smothering, but...I mean, I’d wanna be there when she wakes up too. We have...a lot to talk about.”

“But,” he stressed, “I am going to work. For a bit, anyway. Nadya and I are gonna do some clean-up, gettin’ stuff done that I kinda have to be in office for, but...we’re gonna break early, ‘cause Nadya-chan has a practice game later today and I’m probably gonna take some lighter work while I come hang out with you guys.”

Kaito nodded. Good. Good. He didn’t… fuck he wasn’t sure what he wanted. But a part of him didn’t want to… overreact. He, Shuichi and Timothy were just barely starting to actually assimilate. If people hated them, no one was being super obvious about it. They weren’t even getting dirty looks in general anymore! No one had said anything sarcastic or snippy to Kaito in ages! And he just… knew that if they bothered anyone with their fears and paranoia again, that would start back up again…

Fade into the background. So far, that was the best way forward. The less he inconvenienced anyone, the less people resented him. He wanted Maki well, and then out of that medward, before she could say or do anything that brought the bitterness back on them. 

Then they could all work themselves out and get better in peace. Just… away from everyone else. 

And Maki being murder-y and angry with everyone wouldn’t help that goal.

But! Kaito wasn’t worried! He wasn’t! They would handle everything, and eventually Maki would be discharged, and she could rest comfortably in her room. And not threaten anyone. Or cut anyone. So far she had been good about not cutting people in front of the Dicean’s… well, the capital Diceans… nnnngh.

As Kaito’s mind raced with how to best keep Maki calm and not lashing out at anyone now that she was back, heading into the medward, Kokichi getting the door for him, he was surprised when he heard healers talking in the room, Shuichi’s voice coming through… “Everything okay in here?” Kaito called out, as they walked in.

Maki was up. Not just awake, but up, or, sitting up at least. Someone had gotten her a medical robe to wear, and it was laying against her lap, unworn, the blanket just draped around herself as she gave the healers unconcerned looks.

Shuchi sighed in relief when Kokichi and Kaito got there. “Hey. Maki’s woken up. She’s…” Shuichi looked in concern at his friend, before saying, “listening to the medical plan put in place for her. She hasn’t had much to say about it...”

Maki looked to Kaito and Kokichi… and that curiousness blankness left her. Ignoring the healers as she said, “Are we having breakfast then?”

Kokichi was honestly surprised to hear talking in the room. Even with how Maki was...she was in a bad state. He honestly expected that she’d be out until mid-morning at least. But a few hours here and there really wasn’t that much of a difference. 

And despite Shuuichi’s cautioning words and that concerning blankness on Maki’s face, Kokichi’s expression softened into relieved affection. Just...happy to see her awake. To hear her voice. 

Gently coming forward--he didn’t want to surge forward at her, and especially with so many people in the room--Kokichi came to Maki’s other side from Shuuichi, giving her a smile before looking up at everyone. “Well, we should let Dr. Verrassing and Dr. Kaden finish up their plan, but, yes! Breakfast!”

Turning more to the healers, Kokichi gave them both a sheepish smile. “I’d really hate to make you repeat yourselves, so...would it be alright if we got the written record of the plan too? Just so Maki-chan can fill me and Kai-chan in more easily.”

He wasn’t in charge of her, but...he was family. It was enough grounds to ask for the record, and...he was putting the agency in Maki’s hands. Not deciding to just take over. Whatever they all decided to do next, regardless.

Maki didn’t seem all that bothered either way about it, and Kaito gave her a worried look before saing, “Yeah, before we head out today, let me grab that written plan from you guys… thank you.” He tacked on at the end, not wanting it to sound like the order he had intended it to be. Just because Kokichi had said it, didn’t mean they… had to listen? He was pretty sure? He was pretty sure.

The healers had both nodded at this, Dr. Verassing double checking the meal Kaito had brought in and telling him sternly, “Make sure she drinks plenty of water along with that juice. Food will help, but water will heal.”

Kaito nodded, thanking them again, watching as they left… before turning back to Maki, grinning, “Hey! You’re up! ...Why?”

Maki shrugged. “I woke up.” ...before sniffling, her face twisting for a second, like she was trying very, very hard to fight her body…

And her body started curling over, coughing violently, as a layer of snot started to drip down her face. 

Shuichi sighed, rubbing her back, as he said, “She already took their medicine. It’s still up in the air if this is gonna turn into pneumonia, but it hasn’t yet.”

“Right, which is absolutely why you should still be asleep.” Kaito scolded, sitting down the food on the tray at the end of the bed with some frustration, “There’s an order to these things, Maki. You get sick, you sleep, we force you awake just long enough to eat, take medicine, you grouch at us for it, then you go back to sleep. That’s how it works.”

“Is it?” Maki asked, settling back into the pillows, readjusting her blanket around her chest as she looked almost lazily at Kaito, blinking tiredly, but something amused in her expression, “I don’t get sick often, so you all will have to teach me how to do it, I suppose. Now please pass me my plate and water, I’m starving.”

Kokichi sympathetically passed Maki some tissues as Shuuichi rubbed her back, just...still happy to see Maki there and alive and...not blank. Or far away. Willing to snark and joke. She still had been, even in her haze the day before, but...he worried. 

“Well, I’m practically an expert at being sick, so Maki-chan’s in good hands for her crash course,” he grinned, sliding the tray up the bed to be within Maki’s reaching distance. “And...Kai-chan’s pretty much right. It’ll feel infuriating, but doing nothing but drinking water and sleeping, with a few breaks here and there for food and medicine really is the best way to fight off an illness.”

“...though, I am happy to see you. I have office hours in a bit so I didn’t think I’d get to talk to ya until way later.”

“Geez… nursing you is always such a pain in the ass. You’re gonna keep up the tradition, huh?” Kaito grumbled, taking the plate and water and, waiting or Maki to finish cleaning herself up with her tissue, handing her both. “Also, Maki, Maki-Roll, I knooooow for one of us seeing you wearing just a blanket isn’t that strange, but… both of my partners here.”

“The robe looks stupid.” Maki said dismissively, drinking down the water, her face scrunching again-- Cough cough cough-- and looking disgruntled, before her chest calmed down. Taking smaller sips as she continued, “Kokichi and Shuichi don’t care.”

Shuichi raised an eyebrow, “Just decided that all on your own, huh?”

“Neither of you looked down, or away.” Maki shrugged again, “It’s not a huge leap in logic.”

Kokichi shrugged a bit. “More or less right for me. Honestly, I wouldn’t care how you look in the robe either, though it’s...just a robe? But I do know that I absolutely rock medical robes, so I can see how Maki-chan wouldn’t wanna compare,” Kokichi lightly teased, his grinned entirely light. 

“But as long as you’re warm enough and comfortable, that’s where I’ll direct my efforts.”

“...plus I just had the whole, ‘people’s bodies are just their bodies’ talk with the kids, so I may as well not make myself a hypocrite,” he shrugged again.

At this, Maki’s eyes suddenly lit with interest, carefully eating the soup Kaito had insisted getting for her, though she stole one of Shuichi’s breads to dip into it, not having any of this whole ‘liquid diet’ nonsense as she carefully chewed through the-- cough, cough-cough, h-weeeeeze…-- bread as she said, “I suppose you mean Timothy… what sparked that conversation? If Tim’s become a peeper since I’ve left, I’m getting out of this bed now and going to have a talk with him.”

Kokichi laughed softly, settling down in one of the chairs Shuuichi had brought yesterday and starting to eat his own breakfast. “Tim and the girls, yeah. And, no, Tim was trying to be incredibly respectful.”

“I was showing them some old books in the archive and we came across this really cool one? It was like...a bestiary of magical creatures, but written as, like, a realistic survival guide, sort of. I’m actually trying to find a modern copy for myself,” Kokichi started to explain, eating his oatmeal. “But, there are full illustrations of all of the creatures, and the one for sirens just...had full boobs out. Lovingly drawn.” 

A roll of the eyes there, but Kokichi smiled softly. “Tim immediately looked away and didn’t want to look back at the book until we turned the page. The girls were a little surprised, but...I mean, they are just body parts. And I’d feel awful if that started like...any complexes with any of them. So I took up being the adult in the situation and had the talk.”

“Still...I think Tim’s prolly gonna be kinda shy about breasts for a while.”

...that was…

His eyebrows furrowing a little, Kokichi really had thought it was just a difference in personality, but… “...actually, that’s something to ask. Is there a boob taboo in Luminary?”

Shuichi flushed a little, looking down, suddenly shy, as Maki nodded, sipping more at her soup, trying to be slow and careful about it, as Kaito gave Kokichi an equally concerned look. “Ummm… taboo’s a word for it, I guess… looking at someone’s boobs is considered pretty intimate? In Luminary? Like looking at someone’s crotch, regardless of what they have going on down there… is that… not a thing here?”

“...ooh…” Kokichi hummed softly. Even if Tim was a kid and therefore wouldn’t really...be so much into the know of that? He still lived in the culture so...that made a lot more sense. 

Tilting his head to the side, Kokichi thought for a moment before shrugging. “Not really? Like, if you’re ogling someone, it’s kinda creepy, but...just looking at someone’s chest? Not a big deal. People pretty regularly go shirtless in the summer. There is more of a taboo about crotches though. Like if you’re not wearing anything down there, that’s a grounds for public indecency.”

“...unless you’re at a nude beach or retreat or something,” Kokichi amended.

...Maki snorted.

“I’m going to go everywhere topless.” She smirked.

“No!” Kaito sputtered, turning red, crossing his arms into an ‘X’ as he said, “No, absolutely not!”

“Oh, geez.” Shuichi grumbled, also turning bright red, giving Maki a concerned look, “You can go ahead and do that on your own… I get embarrassed if people so much as glance in that direction now. I just wanna wear my blazer all the time…”

“You always wore your blazer all the time.” Maki pointed out.

“They’re very practical.” Shuichi groaned. “Don’t tease.”

“Maki, do not. Literally the second anyone gets weird with you, you and I are gonna have to fight them, and things have finally calmed down… don’t go looking for trouble!” Kaito insisted, not to mention he would have so much difficulty looking at her. “Shirts! Shirts all around! I’ll promise to wear shirts too!”

“You like when people ogle you.”

“I WILL MAKE THAT SACRIFICE!”

Kokichi snickered around his eggs. Personally...he thought it was fine if Maki wanted to never wear shirts--at least during warm months--again? But he hadn’t grown up around that kind of stigma so...well. It was something he could support for his family, whatever they decided to do. 

Raising his hand, Kokichi looked a bit determined as he declared his amendment. “It’s not the same as in public, but when the heat wave during midsummer hits? I’m lying on the floor only wearing underwear as I melt into a puddle. I’m not capable of anything else and I will take no other options, unless Kai-chan can somehow turn his heater bod into a perpetual fan.”

“Also,” he pouted, “If anyone wants to get weird with Maki-chan if she’s not wearing a shirt? I’ll fight them first. I’ll make ‘em so ashamed they won’t be able to look at anything for how much they’re crying.”

“My hero.” Maki said indulgently, causing Kaito to actively pout in jealousy, though he straightened up when she looked at him, “When can I go up to my room?”

“Uh…” Kaito glanced uncertainly at the door, “What did the healers say?”

Maki shrugged, “Take these pills. Drink water.”

“...nothing else?”

“I wasn’t listening.” Maki said impassively. Something… deeply unconcerned in her expression. “I do recall Kokichi saying you all were working on my room yesterday, though.”

Kaito sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, “...I’ll talk to the healers. We’ll see about how soon we can take you out of the medward.”

Maki nodded at this, sipping at her soup- Cough, cough cough- before waiting a moment for her chest to stop fighting her, before sighing. “...what else have I missed?”

“Um…” Shuichi paused, thinking about it, “...I have no idea. I feel like we were very busy, and now I can’t remember why.”

“A heart attack happened.” Maki noted.

“Thaaaat it did.” Kaito sighed. “Um… we’ve been doing a lot of… therapy?”

“The weirdo with the stones?”

“Among others, yeah.”

...definitely, part of it was just Maki. She had never really trusted the castle healers--except with her light rapport with Dr. Green that Kokichi knew he didn’t know the full breadth of--and...well, she did think she was...not invincible. But that she could weather things that most people could not. And if she was awake and lucid, eating by herself...well, good to go, right?

Kokichi could...almost painfully remember the state Kaito’s body had been in that first week they’d been together. Accumulating injury after injury and shrugging it off like it was nothing...until his concussion had gotten so bad that he was begging for high-grade painkillers.

Maki would be more comfortable in her own room, and the last thing Kokichi wanted was to keep someone in a bed when they were ready to face the world...but he wasn’t going to sit by and watch her self-destruct either. 

“A looooot of therapy,” Kokichi sighed, though there was something satisfied in his eyes. “We started group relationship counseling. We had a session earlier this week, but...we took a long time off, since I couldn’t leave bed easily for a while.”

“Mmm...we had a little party for Shuu-chan’s birthday! Oh, and the cacti are in the garden now. One Maki-chan’s feeling up to it, we should go out to show them off!” Kokichi chirped, his mind running through the last few months. “And Shuu-chan had his first semester at university!”

“I did…” Shuichi wondered how much of that he should talk about. Telling Maki about John might be… unwise. “I’ve made a friend there. A fellow named Drake. You’ll like him, he’s… quite literally harmless. To anyone but himself. Very clumsy. And he’s very sweet to me...it’s been nice spending time with him.”

Glancing at Kaito, he said, And you know about the avalanche. Kaito and Tim foolishly deciding to head to the mountains over some bullheaded ideas of being heroes.”

“It’s good experience. And Timothy seemed quite proud of his time there.” Maki said, having been available to talk to Kaito and Tim on the phone by that point. “You managed to force Shuichi to have a party?”

“Kokichi had this idea of making assembling his party a puzzle based scavenger hunt? So, to win, he had to have a party.” Kaito grinned, giving Maki a wink, “Brilliant, right?”

“Nefarious.” Maki agreed, her blinks… getting slower. She had finished her soup, but now was just nibbling on the rest of the bread that she had stolen, sipping on her juice. Every time she lifted the juice though, the movement was slower. The sudden change over her… well. Sudden. 

Maki had barreled towards the end of her battery, and had gone over it before realizing anything was happening at all. There was a near constant wheeze in her breathing now, her losing the strength to suppress her symptoms. Her nose was running again.

For so often being on the other side of it, Kokichi could recognize Maki’s burst of energy drawing to its close easily. Still...it was nice to talk with her just...normally. While a new tension had started up in some areas, in others, Maki’s return just...felt like he could finally relax. That hole she’d left finally filled again. 

Maki would stay up because of pure stubbornness if they mentioned her trying to get some sleep. 

His own food pretty much done, Kokichi grinned, shrugging a little before he got up. “What can I say, I have devious ideas, time to time. But...I really gotta start heading to the office. I’ll see ya later, Maki-chan. Shuu-chan, Kai-chan.”

Taking a small step to the door, Kokichi softened his voice even more than the more subdued tone he’d been edging towards for his last sentence. “You guys want me to take any dishes with me, get ‘em out of your way?”

Kaito looked at Maki, who nodded at Kokichi, giving him a small, sleepy wave goodbye, before saying, “No, babe, let me take care of the dishes and stuff, you have to go to work. Shuichi, handsome, will you help me?”

“Hmm?” Shuichi hummed, surprised Kaito would ask him to help carry anything, when his boyfriend usually did everything he could to keep anything heavy out of Shuchi’s hands… oh. “Certainly… Maki, we’ll be back, okay? We’ll find out what the healers think about you resting upstairs soon.”

Kaito frowned, before insisting, “I’m refilling and leaving the glass. Drink more water, Maki. We’ll be back.”

Maki shrugged, looking unconcerned, her eyes sort of hazily following their movements as she said, “That’s fine. I’ll be here. I…” she blinked sleepily, her voice trailing of for a moment, “...want to hear more about what’s been happening.” she said, chest starting to twitch, before she started to cough again. Sighing and looking even more worn down once she was done. “Hurry back.”

“We will.” Kaito assured her, the three heading out, Kokichi closing the door. “...Anyone wanna put any coin on if she actually manages to keep herself awake by the time I get back? Maki’s kinda intense like that, she might still be up.”

“If she is, I’ll just start telling her about my end of semester project until she falls asleep in self defense.” Shuichi said, “...strange to see her like that though.”

“Alright, thank you, hun,” Kokichi murmured, keeping things soft and mellow to help Maki relax back into the rest she desperately needed. But...she’d gotten medicine and food and water in her, along with a bonus of chatting for a bit, so it was a good burst of energy for her. He didn’t think it would happen, but he could hope that things continued in this pattern until Maki started to heal more. 

Looking to his partners as they exited the room, Kokichi shook his head softly. “She’s sick. That’s weird in itself, but...it happens. Even if how she got sick is more on the unusual side…”

“...are you guys gonna spend all day with her? I could bring stuff for ya when I’m done with office stuff, if you wanted. Books or a game or...whatever, to help pass the time.” Kokichi didn’t doubt that it’d be like pulling teeth to get both his partners out of Maki’s room, both in the med ward and when she went back to her room. But...he couldn’t dismiss their worry, so instead he could make it easier on them.

“I’ll just read one of my books… Kaito, could you go get one of my books?” Shuichi asked, as Kaito collected from him the dishes he had picked up.

“Kokichi just offered to do that for you.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want him to have to come back down once he’s up there.” Shuichi pouted.

“Oh, but it’s fine for me, huh?” Kaito asked, smirking.

Shuichi leaned his head against Kaito’s shoulder and just sighed softly, and Kaito rolled his eyes at that. “We’ll probably take turns spending time with Maki today, yeah. I guess we’re… not?” Kaito said hopefully, “Getting the snake today too?”

Shuichi gave another soft, sad sigh… before straightening up and shrugging, “We’ll wait for Maki to be able to come with us.”

On Kaito’s other side, Kokichi pressed his head to Kaito’s arm as well, nuzzling him a bit. “That means you can walk with me back upstairs before I split off to go to the office,” he tried to entice. Taking turns probably meant that they both wouldn’t be in Maki’s room all the time, but...well, some of the time it would probably be nice to enjoy each other’s company too. 

Grinning softly at Shuuichi’s decision to delay their snake adoption further, Kokichi gave his boyfriend an adoring look. “It’ll be nice to do a day trip into town with all four of us again. And we can all learn the tips ‘n stuff the people at the conservation are prolly gonna give us about socializing your snake and caring for it. I think I get the gist of it, but I wanna make sure I can hold a snake without making it uncomfortable.”

Continue life, one little bit at a time.

Kaito sighed dramatically, “Geez, you two like to gang up on me. Alright, alright, I’m coming. You going back to Maki, Shuichi?”

“In a bit. I’m going to grab some drinks from the dining hall to sip on, give Maki a chance to fall asleep in case she’s holding out. Get the book on the nightstand, Kaito.”

“Yes, my lord.” Kaito teased, ignoring Shuchi’s huffy look at that and kissing his knuckles, before grabbing Kokichi’s hand, “Alright. Let’s head up then. Go slow and take it easy on me, would ya, I’m an old man. Can’t keep up with you twenty year olds.”

As they got to the stairs, Kokichi gave Shuuichi a wave as he went down while Kokichi and Kaito headed up. He’d be working for just a handful of hours, then he’d see him again, but...still. 

Squeezing Kaito’s hand affectionately, Kokichi giggled at his husband’s griping. “Ah, yes, my youthful knees leaps and bounds more flexible than your old, decrepit bones. I can’t believe how much people can deteriorate in just three years! You’re basically an eternity away from me.”

He giggled a little more before just...thinking. Looking up at Kaito in mild worry. “...did you sleep okay last night? I can try working on your neck later if you fell asleep upright in the chair…”

Kaito gave Kokichi a mildly confused look, before half smiling, half smirking, “Awww, babe. You wanna try to give me a massage? With your thin, tiny hands?”

Though, now that Kokichi had mentioned it, Kaito found himself rubbing the back of his neck, a certain krick and tension there. “Nmmm… I mean, it could be nice. Helpful. Mmmm...you all over my neck… with your weird little cold hands… all soothing and shit… could be relaxing in a lot of ways…”

Kaito’s eyes had gone far away and dreamy… before cursing. “Dammit Maki.”

Kokichi sent a glance over at Kaito before snorting. “I think saying that I have ‘weird little cold hands’ kinda makes me wanna help less, Kai-chan. My hands are a perfectly normal size--yours are just big.”

Maki definitely took precedence, but...Kokichi did feel a little bad. They really were trying to make the day romantic yesterday, and Kokichi had been up for gettin’ down that night, but...well, it just didn’t happen. And even now, even with Maki safe and resting...just knowing what was going on--and not even to mention that he was heading to work--Kokichi just...wasn’t in the mood. 

...soon. Soon he and Kaito would have some fun again. 

“Later,” Kokichi softly promised aloud, giving Kaito a sweet look. “...I don’t know when, but...later, alright? I’m sorry.”

“Ha ha ha haaaaa, of course! Of course! What were we even talking about!? I wasn’t talking about anything!? Who ever talks about anything?”

Pulling Kokichi’s hand up, he kissed those tiny, chilly fingers and said, “And I love your weird little hands. Terrible circulation and all.”

He was...not gonna whine… he was not an animal! He did not have to have sex! He was fine! He barely thought about it! EVER!

“Alight. You need to go to work. I need to… get this book! And spend time with Shuichi! And maybe go to my shrine a bit?” Fucking… pray… to Atua. For a bit Until he felt better.

While he rolled his eyes, Kokichi smiled up at Kaito and gently brushed his thumb against Kaito’s lips. ...he did promise. He didn’t know when, but…

Sighing, Kokichi wrapped his arms around Kaito in a brief hug before splitting off to head over to the east wing. “Sounds like a plan, love. I’ll see you later--I’ll be heading down to see Maki-chan after I finish up in the office, and after that...I dunno. I might spend some time with my dad. But I’ll let’cha know. I love you.”

Kaito waved, watching him go… look at those thin little hips…

Focus! Shuichi’s book.

Sigh.

-

Haneda and Tim had a routine. One that, to her uncomfortable surprise, Haneda found that she was going to...miss, once the school term ended and Tim wouldn’t be heading to school five times a week. And it was baffling that she’d miss it, since it meant that most likely she and Tim would be spending more time together--except for the two weeks she’d requested off at the end of midsummer, a vacation long awaited.

But as they met up at the school gates, Tim saying his goodbyes--sometimes--to Kimiko and Cali, the nanny and ward nodding to each other as they started the walk back to the castle, Haneda found...well, it wasn’t a bad walk. 

Their walks weren’t always silent, and when they were it was rarely awkward, but Haneda chose today to bring something up. “...you’re seeing your mom when you get home, right? How’re you feeling about it?”

“I dunno.” Tim said automatically… before actually stopping to think about it more. “...I guess I’m excited.” He said quietly, before shrugging, “I don’t know why.”

Timothy honestly… didn’t know how to feel about anything.

He didn’t actually know why he was excited. Or scared. Or whatever… he wasn’t even sure… why it mattered. Timothy wasn’t a little kid. ‘Mom’ was a title, and not much more. Hell, he had known Maki for as long as she had been gone. All that to say, he barely knew her at all.

… he remembered her whispering in his ear that she loved him and she’d make decisions based on him and his stomach twisted uncomfortably. 

Haneda glanced down at Tim as they walked. Their pace was efficient, neither of them one to dawdle much, though they didn’t feel the urge to hustle and expend more energy than necessary. 

She wasn’t a child psychologist, or even a parent, really. But Haneda wasn’t completely ignorant to how Tim was. 

“...she made a promise to care about you. And while I’m not always thrilled with the shit your mom does...I can see she’s someone who doesn’t make promises idly. And that promise between you two means something to both of you.” Haneda shrugged a little. “When you haven’t seen someone that means something to you in a while, the only thing it doesn’t do is make you feel nothing. So that’s reason enough to be excited.”

She’d heard, the same as Tim, that Maki had been tired from the trip over, and had probably gotten sick. Considering Maki was in the med ward, last Haneda heard...she figured it was something more than a little cold. Still...she wasn’t sure. Just how that conversation between mom and kid would go.

“...want me to fuck off when you guys are gonna talk? I’ll probably say hi, just to acknowledge her, I guess.”

Timothy shrugged, “...it might not be a bad idea.” he mumbled… before glancing up at his nanny, “...Do you think it’s weird that I’m not more buff by now?”

Haneda looked down, tilting her head this way and that as if appraising Tim before she shook her head. “Nah. You’re still in the ‘storing power’ phase. Once you hit puberty in your teens? Everything you’re doing now will start hittin’ you like a carriage, and you’ll see all that power you’ve stored start to affect your body--getting buff and all that. Every day your old man’s going to be more worried that you’re going to be more buff than he is. It’s going to be fun to watch.”

“Take advantage of your smaller stature for now--this is the only time you’ll have with it.”

Timothy looked down at his annoyingly skinny arms. He supposed that did make him feel a bit better…

“I was kinda hoping I’d be more buff by the time Mom got back.” Timothy admitted, kicking a rock down the path a few times before it got out of kicking range. “And, like… taller. Like, not as tall as dad, obviously, I’m not stupid.” Timothy huffed, rolling his eyes, “But like… taller. Mom went off to a war. And, like… overthrew a monarchy. And I guess she stopped the indentured program? I don’t really get it, but that’s what dad says...that’s a lot? Right? That’s a lot?”

“And, like… I haven't done…. Annnnything!” Timothy whined, suddenly looking frustrated, “I haven’t overrun any monarchies! Like… maybe I could overthrow King Aiichi real quick before I see her…”

Timothy was joking. But the insecure feeling was sincere. His mom had spent the last four months doing something really, really cool… Timothy felt small and like a failure in the face of it. He had tried to overrun a monarchy once. It hadn’t gone well. What if he never overthrew a monarchy??

Haneda smirked a little under her mask before shaking her head. “Your mom’s kind of insane, Tim. What she did was a lot...but the kind of a lot that makes people get worried about if she’s okay, because who does that?”

“Meanwhile...you might not be bulked up, but you’re stronger, and you did grow a little, but...you’ve done a hall of a lot, kid,” the nanny sighed. “You went to give emergency relief in the middle of a blizzard, and there are people alive and rebuilding their homes thanks to your effort. You’ve made your dad whip himself into shape...at least sometimes. You’ve been good to your friends and Chase, who is turning out to be one of the best trained dogs I’ve ever met because of you. Mr. Cendril regularly praises the work you do, and recognizes how much effort you put into it.”

Haneda’s smile...maybe turned a little cruel. “You embarrassed the shit out of Karl when he was trying to be an asshole to you, and the other kids just called him a liar since they know how much you can kick spelling’s ass. And you encouraged Kimiko to get her art displayed in the hall over Sadie’s.”

Affectionately, for just a moment, Haneda squeezed Tim’s shoulder. “It’s all about proportions, kid. You’ve done a lot, and if someone isn’t over the damn moon proud of you for it, then they’re an idiot.”

Timothy’s thin chest swelled a little at that. It had been hard, getting Kimiko’s art at the top of the hall. Kimiko had been so nervous, and he and Cali had to stare down Sadie the whole time, who kept trying to do that stupid ‘snickering’ thing to embaress her… and fuck Karl.

...and, well, Dad said that if he and Chase hadn’t been there, they wouldn’t have ever found that baby in the house. Timothy supposed that was good too. He pet Chase’s head, who was just pleased as punch to be out walking again, and said, “Chase is a good girl…”

Timothy sighed.

Alright.

He was ready to face his mom.

-

Shuichi was upstairs, napping, and Kaito was reading that smutty detective series he had bought for him, because he hated himself and just liked to make things as difficult as possible. Or, this seemed to be Maki’s diagnosis, as he explained to her what he was reading.

“Have you has sex at all since I left?” Maki smirked.

“Yes! Tons! Thank you very much! We were hot and heavy there for a second!”

“Then why are you reading smut?”

“Maybe because I’m cultured Maki.”

“Smut is cultured?”

“It’s literature, right?”

“It is, I suppose…” Maki glanced up at the clock, frowning. “...My hair looks okay?”

“Mmhm.” 

“Maybe I shouldn’t be in bed when he gets here.”

“You’re resting, Maki, he knows that.”

“Resting is for sick people.”

“Well, congratulations, you qualify.”

“Lies and slander… I don’t want him to see me sick.”

“We can’t keep him from you.”

“I don’t want you to keep him from me. I want to not be sick when he sees me.”

“I… don’t think we can have it both ways.” Kaito sighed, rubbing his face, “...are you nervous?”

“No.” Maki said automatically, before saying just as quickly, “Why? Do I look nervous?”

“...well, now you look nervous to me. Now that I know you’re nervous.”

“I don’t want to be weak around him.” Maki said, bunching up the blankets in her fists, “I’m his mother. I need to be strong.”

“You literally just came back from a war.” Kaito grumbled, “Overthrew a monarchy? Remember all that? Somehow I don’t think you have anything else to prove to him.”

“That was all stuff I did, it doesn’t matter anymore. I need to be strong now.”

Kaito grit his teeth, tightening his hold on his novel, feeling just a… flash of fury… before taking a breath. “Well, I think it still matters… how’s your cough feeling?”

“Like fire in my chest.” Maki said, voice entirely clear.

“Well, I don’t think Tim’s gonna notice.”

-

It wasn’t a terribly long walk back to the castle, and, managing to catch him by chance, Haneda quietly asked Ikuo if Maki was still in the med bay, getting a confirmation of where they were going. Tim didn’t need an escort, but she had said she’d say hi. 

...and so sue her, she was worried how that whole damn thing would go. Haneda had no real reason to stick around, but she could fuckin’ dawdle in the ward, keeping nearby. 

Getting to the room, Haneda knocked firmly on the door before giving Tim a nod, encouraging him to go in. 

Timothy gave his nanny one more partly nervous look, before grabbing his pants, bunching up his fists… before letting it go, and heading in. 

“Oh! Kid! You’re here! Ha ha ha, wild.” Kaito grinned, only slightly frustrated as he thought to himself, hadn’t he asked the healers to give them a heads up when he showed up? God, not being surrounded by minions was so frustrating sometimes. His mother would have someone fired. 

Maki, too, was startled, and-- wearing some real clothes, she had insisted she be dressed when Timothy got here-- she took the blanket off, ignoring Kaito’s alarmed look as she stood up.

There was, briefly, a moment where this was a terrible idea, her vision suddenly spinning and spotting, her knees weak, her cough begging her to let it go… but the feelings passed, and she straightened her back, looking sternly down at Timothy. “There you are… well, come here. Let me see you.”

Timothy looked up at her, wide eyed, just… intimidated. His mom was taller than he remembered… was her gaze always this cold? He felt like she was going to cut him, though he wasn’t entirely certain what he had done wrong…

Maki stared back, oh no, he hated her, of course he hated her, Maki had left him and then took Luminary hostage and maybe Timothy noticed Kaito hated her too and he felt like he had to choose between his parents and of course he was going to pick the fun dad who hadn’t left him and wasn’t a psycho-

Kaito looked back and forth between them and… uh? Okay? They had both frozen up. Alright.

Stepping in, Kaito grinned down at his kid, putting his hand on the back of Tim’s neck and gently pushing him forward as he said, “Hey, come on, kid, your moms excited to see you! And I know she’s standing, but she’s not super good on her feet right now, and can’t come towards you.”

“Kaito, I can…” Maki started to move forward, and her body wiggled in a very telling way. Timothy’s eyes narrowed, and he stepped forward this time, catching her by her arm and helping her sit down.

“...are you okay?” Tim murmured, giving his mom a concerned look.

Maki sighed a little, frustrated... But gave her boy an appreciative look. “Yes, but, thank you. I rode my horse too long to get here. It’s made me a little weak in my legs… I was very eager to get home as soon as possible. Here, let me see you.”

Maki did to Timothy what she was in the habit of doing to Kokichi, taking his face, moving it this way and that, checking for signs he was healthy. Wasn’t hurt. Wasn’t drugged… and when he seemed nice and healthy, she ran an affectionate hand though his hair. 

“...I missed you.” she told him quietly. “Did you do anything while I was gone?”

Timothy looked uncertainly back at her… “I helped Kimiko get her art put in the school hall.”

“Oh? Tell me all about that.” Maki said.

“...Really?”

“Did you have somewhere else to be?” Maki asked, raising an eyebrow, before patting the space in the bed next to her, “Get up here. Tell me what happened.”

Kaito looked between them, before walking out of the room, wanting to give them some space… “Oh!” he said quietly, “Hey Haneda. You’re still here. Everything alright?”

Haneda had managed to get a wave in before immediately feeling too awkward and leaving to idle nearby. And, well, she saw that Kaito was there, and he was Tim’s dad so… For as ill-suited the man could be, he did at least try to do right by his kid. And, honestly, he’d been getting better at it, with a hiccup around Kokichi’s attack, but...well. Haneda was mature enough to give him a small pass there. 

...she couldn’t hear any yelling. Though Kaito was the only one among the three that was prone to it. She wasn’t worried about Maki physically hurting Tim. Just...the cold distance that might be there, because the two of them were too alike in some ways. 

...there was no way to pull off knocking again and asking Tim something like she’d forgotten, huh…

Her arms crossed tensely over her front, Haneda almost jumped when she saw Kaito exit the room, catching a glimpse of Tim and Maki sitting on her bed together. Glowering at the man, Haneda tensely responded, “Yeah.”

“...things okay between them?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, they’re alright. They’re both just the kind of people that need a little nudge when it comes to soft things… or, ya know… to be dragged kicking and screaming into soft moments.” Kaito huffed, rolling his eyes, “They’ll be fine as they relax…”

He looked over at Haneda… before snickering, “Awww, were you worried? You were worried, huh. It’s okay.” Kaito went to pat her shoulder companionably.

Wasn’t that the truth. Tim just tended to remain stoic, rather than prickling at the instance of emotional moments, but it was still difficult territory for him. Add that with the general life confusion of being a kid, and it could get rough. 

...but he had folks looking out for him, so...he’d figure it out. 

Haneda just glowered deeper at Kaito, huffing. “He’s my kid, of course I’m gonna be worried about him reuniting with someone that he admires just as much as she makes him nervous. It’s literally my job to worry about him.”

“Yeeesh, alright, alright, it was a compliment.” Kaito snickered, taking his hand back. “I think it’s cute. And I appreciate knowing he’s got you looking out for him. It really is, just, like… incredibly reassuring, knowing you’re around.”

Kait shrugged, glancing back at the room, before sighing. They would really be fine. Maki was sometimes the… absolute fucking worst. But when she wasn’t? She was the best. And… well, he just wanted Tim to have the best parts. That was all.

Haneda shrugged a bit, but...well, there was nowhere else she was damn gonna be. She had taken her job seriously from the first day Aiichi lumped it on her, but...as the months went by and Tim actually talked to her...as they trained Chase together, and Haneda supervised his hangouts with Cali and Kimiko…

...she loved him. Tim was her kid. And she wasn’t his mom, but she was still going to take care of him as much as he’d let her. 

...Haneda started to grow red under her mask, imagining the sort of look Chouei was gonna give her when she came to visit, and he asked about the kid who had...pretty much been in every letter she’d sent for several months. 

Huffing to leave the embarrassment behind, Haneda raised an eyebrow at Kaito. “Want to steal some of the nice chairs from Nell’s office and continue to hover obnoxiously in comfort?”

“Hell yeah. I call the red one. Red hair means red chair.”

“I can’t believe it. Thwarted by genetic privilege.”

-

It was a few days later, and… okay, so, the flu had turned into pneumonia. But! It was apparently a mild case of pneumonia, and the medicine was doing what it was supposed to, and Maki was now officially sleeping in her room, which she had seemed incredibly pleased with... And laughed. A lot. When she realized it was Kokichi who had gotten her the target practice and punching bag.

When she was done laughing, she pulled Kokichi into a hug, told him he was a good friend, and then tried to give Timothy a knife throwing lesson until Kaito intervened and forced her to go to bed instead. “Why? Because you have pneumonia, Maki!”

And, honestly?... things were really nice. Like, really nice.

Oh, sure, Kaito got the oooccasssional bout of rage out of nowhere… but they lasted so short! And he ignored them! Suppressing them deep, deep down… like Miss Crystal said he shouldn’t! He should talk to Maki! And sort it out! 

But that sounded hard! And scary! So suppression it was!

And, whenever he thought, ooof, that bout of rage sucked, need to focus on something else? Man, a great thing to focus on was the endless blueness of his balls… which he didn’t care about! He felt great! Alive! So fucking alive. 

And Kaito thought about how fucking alive he felt, as he went to go pick up his and his partners and Maki’s mail.

Like usual, Kokichi had lots of professional looking letters. Shuichi and Maki didn’t have anything. And Kaito… had something?

Kaito looked a little bewildered at that. He got letters during holidays from some people, but not otherwise, not since Byakuya, uh, stopped. Hmmmm…

It was just a postcard. Maybe an ad? They didn’t really do that in Dicea though… also, it was addressed to him, and had handwriting on the back. The front was… oh! It was a silhouette of two attractive people dancing, and a… Kaito’s brow furrowed. A fireman pole? It looked like a display for some sort of dance club. A… ‘Gentle Club’? So, yeah, a dance club then. And… reading the back…

...Kaito raised an eyebrow.

The dance club was offering him a VIP table with food and… free dances for the night? 

Did you have to pay to dance per song? That was a terrible business model. Who would do that? You could dance for free literally any other club. Weird.

...why was he being invited? This really seemed like something more for Kokichi… oh! Kokichi probably had one too. Maybe Kaito was invited as a plus one for him. Kokichi would make sense. The Dicean Prince was good advertising. Kaito was bad advertising, but the two of them together? Probably still a net positive. Neat… still a fucking weird busienss plan, but neat regardless.

Heading into the room, Katio said, “Babe! Got your mail!”

Kokichi was chillin’ out after work, amid their...newly rumpled bed, as Kokichi had just flopped down and rolled for a bit. It had been a long day, and entirely his own fault. Between the fact that Nadya was working shorter hours because it was baseball season, and Kokichi knowing that he wouldn’t be working as much when Miya was born, he was...trying to get out ahead of a few things. Including starting market and production analysis on summer crops. 

It was a lot of work left ahead of him…

But he wasn’t going to overwork himself early either. 

Tilting his head back at Kaito’s announcement, Kokichi smiled sweetly before sighing, knowing what mail meant. “Thanks, sweets. Leeeeet’s see if there’s anything I can put off ‘til tomorrow… I wanna chill for a bit before I hang out with Maki-chan.”

Which wasn’t a rotation or anything, but with Maki slowly getting better, they had been talking. Mostly about anything else she’d want for her room, and smaller happenings that had gone on while she was away--she seemed particularly pleased with his enthusiasm for ice skating--and little, more daydream-y plans for the future that were more for fun than anything else… He was just happy to have his friend back, and he wanted to hang out with her. 

Kaito passed him all his mail, and wasn’t surprised to see Shuichi wasn’t here. He was probably spending time with Maki. The two had gotten back in the routine of causally hanging out, lamenting and sarcastically quipping, and honestly, the sheer affect it’s had on Shuichi this quickly was… almost alarming? And great, but… Kaito had really assumed that most of his mood swings stuff were hormonal.

Which still might be true. But the sheer calm that seemed to come over Shuichi ever since Maki came back was… honestly staggering.

It was… sometimes like having the old Shuichi back.

Kaito was okay if that ended up not being true long term, he loved either Shuichi. Or, rather, he just loved Shuichi, either way. But it was nice to see him, well… sweet. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Kaito waved his postcard at Kokichi, and said, “We don’t need to talk about it yet, but when you see your invitation to this dance thing, do you wanna talk about… like, maybe? Going dancing? We’ve been offered, like, free food and dances and stuff. Someone probably trying to drum up business by getting your face in there, but hey! Free stuff is fun!”

Kokichi sat up in bed and gratefully received his mail, starting to look through it when he looked up curiously. Kaito was waving the...postcard? Maybe? Just fast enough that Kokichi couldn’t really see what was on it, but he hummed in interest, starting to flick through his mail more quickly. 

“It would be nice to go out dancing again… I haven’t been feeling as tired while exercising, so I think I should be all good to go for a night! I’ve missed goin’ out and hittin’ the town with you, even if we haven’t done it all that often.” Kokichi looked up to wink at his husband as he went through his letters. 

A few names he recognized, likely just polite thank yous to letters he’d sent before, and one from Miu, likely talkin’ some shit and bragging about some of her progress, and...hm, he didn’t recognize this one…

Soon, though, it became obvious that there wasn’t an invitation or flyer like the one Kaito got, and Kokichi raised an eyebrow. “Uh...I don’t have anything like that. Would you mind if I took a look?”

Kaito’s brow furrowed. “Really? Weird. Maybe mine just came early? Honestly, based on the kind of club it is, the people in charge might not be the most organized.” Kaito said, passing Kokichi the postcard, “I won’t spoil it for you, read the ‘free benefits’ and see how quickly you spot what’s wrong with it. It’s kinda hilarious, honestly.”

Kokichi’s confusion lasted for about two seconds once he held the flyer, his eyes widening dramatically as he let out a loud, “PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT!!!!” sounding sputter, his entire body tensing from the shock. 

Sounding almost scandalized--Why would Kaito try to play a prank like this on him?!?!?!?--Kokichi looked up at Kaito with a beet red face. “Kai-chan!! This is a flyer for a strip club!!”

Kaito grinned, laughing along with him after being a little startled, fairly certain he was in on the joke, as he laughed until Kokichi stopped, and --strip club? Maybe that was the type of dance club that was pay per song-- “He ha ha, right? What’s with that weird business model? Why would you pay per dance? Is that like… a common scam in Dicea or…?”

Kokichi just continued to gape at Kaito because...this was just a weird joke, right? If there was anyone Kokichi knew that he thought might go to strip clubs, it was Kaito. Though...honestly, maybe not, because Kokichi had no idea how Luminary set up if there were escorts you could schedule with at the clubs too or…

...was it even…?

...Kokichi had thought it was just a bad joke during the festival. 

Face still hotly burning, Kokichi gave his husband an uncertain look. “...Kai-chan? Do you...know what a strip club is? Do they have them in Luminary?”

Okay, something was weird.

“... we have… strip malls?” Kaito said uncertainly, “Like, neighborhood markets and stuff? Usually pretty cheap?”

Kokichi’s eyebrows raised in flustered horror for a moment before Kaito explained but...oh no, that didn’t make the original thing better. Kaito...genuinely didn’t know what a strip club was. And was invited to one??? Kokichi needed to read the rest of that flyer, but first! He had...probably one of the weirdest cultural differences to explain. 

Groaning, Kokichi covered his face with his hands and just...shook his head for a bit. “That’s not… Oh no… Um… It’s…” Sighing, Kokichi peeked through his fingers, his voice a bit strangled. “...you know what stripping is, right? You got all jealous and happy when I did it for Shuu-chan while you were away.”

At this, Kaito genuinely grinned, incredibly pleased with that memory. And all the implications of said memory. “Your strip tease? Yeah, of course I know that. I am still jealous about that, by the way.”

Kaito wasn’t being purposefully dim, for once. He understood what a strip tease was. He understood now that a strip club was not some cheap version of a proper club, like a strip mall was to larger merchant areas. He understood all this individually. 

But the idea of stripping for pay in public was entirely foriegn to him. It wasn’t even really a possibility. That just… wasn’t how sex worked. You either were having sex in private, or you were having sex in a Show. There was no inbetween stuff. Strip teases were just… fun things you could do to fluster your partners. 

Taking a deep breath, Kokichi nodded slightly. Honestly, he was mostly just flustered because...he thought Kaito was finally getting him back with a prank. Making it sound like they’d go out dancing for a night, then, a-ha, gotcha! This was actually for a strip club!

But if Kaito really didn’t know…

“...okay….okay,” Kokichi breathed. “Strip clubs are...entertainment. The employees are people who do sexy dances, and do strip teases, and...I’ve heard, at least, very impressive feats of grace and strength using these poles to dance,” he gestured, holding the flyer up and pointing to the pole. “And...because they’re entertainment, you pay them for the dance. I’ve heard in some clubs you can pay for lap dances too...though there are rules that you can’t touch the employees.”

“A lot of the time, some of the employees are escorts too, so you can set up an appointment to…” Kokichi flushed with a shrug. “Yanno. Have sex with them, with all the other stuff escorts do. Some clubs also double as...well, we call them love hotels? But it’s basically a nice room you can rent to have sex in.”

Looking back at the flyer, Kokichi read all the promotion stuff it said. ...free dances and food...making Kaito a VIP? Why would they…?

“...I...don’t know why they’d send you this… It’s a little late to do a bachelor party…”

Kaito’s eyes widened… glancing down at the post it in Kokichi’s hands… before suddenly giving barking laugh. Looking sheepish as he said, “Oh! It’s a brothel show! Ooooooooh, okay… I still can’t quite picture what pole dancing looks like, but okay! It’s a brothel show. Oh, geez, no wonder you turned bright red!”

Kaito laughed, shaking his head, looking a little sheepish, “Geez… I mean, I knew you guys had escorts, obviously. Atuan’s are here, and, like, I even saw one of them working at that dance club we met Amber and the others in. Wow… I don’t know why it never occurred to me Dicea would have brothels?”

...oh geez, Kaito had been invited to a brothel… by himself? "Are you sure? That you don’t have an invitation too?”

Kokichi let out a large sigh, running his hands down his face as the tension started to leave his body, though his face remained pretty red. He didn’t have any grudge against escorts or strip clubs in general, but...talking about sex in more public ways made him embarrassed! So he was flustered!

“I mean...it’s fair, ‘cause we don’t call them brothels? But...yeah…” Kokichi sighed again. “There’s a whole sex industry. Again...I don’t know too much about it, since we just review the union paperwork and...well, thankfully, there aren’t too many crimes against sex workers. At least I haven’t had to work on any cases…”

Rubbing one of his cheeks, Kokichi held up all his letters, not a single one even close to being as colorful as the flyer. “And I haven’t gotten a flyer before, either…” Almost shyly, Kokichi looked up at Kaito. “...do you wanna go?”

Kaito reached out for the flyer, asking to take it back from Kokichi. Looking over it, he read the letter on the back again. Dear Kaito Momota-- Ouma Momta, thankyou.-- The Gentle Club is excited to offer you a free luxury blah blah blah… to be used for blah blah blah… we are looking forward to seeing you, and hope you join us for a good time soon…

...Kaito frowned. An irritated look on his face, before he flicked the post card on the bed, “Someone thinks I’m that fucking easy, huh? Fuckers… sure, the dumb, sex-crazed prince, just dangle the promise of tits and dicks in front of his face and he’ll come running, huh? Won’t think twice about it… stupid fucking…”

Kaito huffed, shrugging and looking pissed as he said, “I almost wanna go just to fucking turn whatever this is going to be on its head. Someone’s absolutely trying to lure me in to fuck with me, somehow. Like I can’t recognize an obvious trap when I see it.”

Of all the things Kaito could’ve said, Kokichi...really wasn’t expecting this. Hostility? He’d thought maybe bashful curiosity, or a kind refusal but...this?

The blush was slowly fading from Kokichi’s face as he shuffled over, placing a gentle hand on Kaito’s shoulder. “Whoa, what? Why...is this a trap?”

Kaito pouted a little, almost kinda wanting to shake Kokichi’s hand off and go on a tirade… but that’s wasn’t fair to his husband. So he turned his head and tilted it and kisses the hand on his shoulder, before sighing in frustration, “Cause, like...I used to get invitations like this all the time, in Luminary. Like, every fucking asshole trying to concoct some fucking scam, or ‘prank’ or petty vengeance, always comes up with the same fucking ‘step one’ plan for me. Lure him away with sex. Like I’m some stupid fucking animal who can’t think past his dick! Ugh!”

Kaito glared at the post card… he wondered what it was going to be. Maybe some attempt to embarrass him? Blackmail? Probably just some scam honestly, it could be assumed Kaito had that ‘Momota’ money, if the brothels in Dicea had heard about it and his reputation, maybe they were hoping to just get a piece by luring him in with free shit, getting him drunk, and then overcharging him for everything… and honestly, that was best case scenario… ugh! He wanted to go give them a piece of his mind!

Kokichi frowned, looking over at the flyer. Like...everyone knew they were married. Even if rumors about Kaito’s lovelife had finally come over, did...they really think he was the kind of person that would want to go on a solo trip to a strip club? What were they even trying to get out of this?! 

Picking up the flyer again, Kokichi looked around for the address of the Gentle Club and committed it to memory. Huffing, he got up and started to look around for his shoes. “If it is someone trying to pull one by on you...ugh. Practically a...fuckin’...hate crime. Fraud at best. Gonna go talk to them…”

Kaito was, briefly, really confused when he saw Kokichi putting on his shoes… before his eyes widened. “What?! What do you mean you’re going to go talk to them!? Kokichi, no way, that could be dangerous! Like… okay, yes, I was thinking of going to yell at them, but that’s me being stupid! You’re meant to be the reasonable one that says we shouldn’t go looking for trouble!”

Kokichi looked up, something truly angry in his eyes. “If one of my people is being dangerous, then that’s my business. If someone is trying to hurt my husband, that’s my business.”

“Besides,” he shrugged, looking at least a little calmer. “I wouldn’t go alone. I have a bodyguard for a reason. I…” Kokichi faltered slightly, glancing guiltily to the door. “...I’ll try to resolve everything quickly, but I should tell Maki-chan that I need to take care of something real fast…” He didn’t want to just blow her off. Hopefully, this was just some sort of misunderstanding, and wouldn’t take long.

Ah, shit, ah geez, fuck, should he bring his sword???

No, that was too much. But Kaito knew Nazumi didn’t actually carry any weapons, so he went to the nightstand drawer and pulled out the golden sheathed dagger he had given to Kokichi, tucking it into his waistband and putting his shirt over it. Maybe he was overreacting, or overpreparing, but if someone really had been trying to lure him away to harm him, the last thing Kaito wanted was them turning that violent anger on Kokichi. He had only just started moving normally again!

“Can I just say?” Kaito said, quickly moving to follow Kokichi to the door, “This is a bad idea. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know Nazumi is tough and stuff, but…” Kaito let it fall there, not wanting to straight up say she just really didn’t think Nazumi was proven in any sort of actual fight. She was just a slightly aggressive older woman with gardening muscles and an oooold violent record from when she was a teenager. This did not a trusted fighter make her. Kaito still wasn’t entirely certain why Maki had given her her recommendation. Maki had never explained it to him. 

As they walked to Maki’s room, he kept on, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, this is probably nothing. It’s probably a money-making thing scheme and I’m being, like, overly paranoid again. Like, I get that, right? But that same overly paranoid feeling is, like… painfully aware walking into a potential trap by potentially angry people on purpose is… generally a bad idea.” For Kokichi. Especially for Kokichi. His husband was batman, but batman had a bad habit of scaring the shit out of Kaito ending up in the med ward every couple of months.

Kokichi sighed softly as he saw Kaito grab the dagger, but...if it made Kaito feel more secure, then fine. Ideally, this would just be an exchange of words. Even going in expecting bad intentions...Kokichi didn’t want to believe that his people would lure someone into a dumb trap like this to cause physical harm. 

And...maybe if they saw him, it would knock some sense into them. 

Kokichi rubbed Kaito’s arm gently, but his gaze was firm. “It’s...kind of ridiculous for people to just sit around being angry for an indefinite amount of time. There was no date or expiration on that invitation, so the people really have no idea when you would even show up. Even if they’d meant to, like...leap at’cha? I’m sure that we can have a civilized conversation, when they see that it’s not you alone.”

“...and if someone really is planning something as bad as you’re thinking?” Kokichi’s gaze darkened with disdain. “Then that’s a serious problem. Enough to get tied up in court hearings for months and getting the business closed. Hate crimes are not something to be taken lightly.”

Huffing, Kokichi knocked on Maki’s door, and when he got the okay he opened the door a little, his expression now a little sheepish and apologetic. “Hey Maki-chan, Shuu-chan… I was gonna hang out in a little bit like we planned, but something came up and I need to run out for a sec. Mail mix-up, so I gotta clear this up soon. I’ll be back soon, though!”

Kokichi’s face was the picture of innocence.

Kaito, six inches behind him, looked like he was about to shit a brick.

Maki and Shuichi looked back and forth between Kokichi and Kaito.

Kokichi.

Kaito.

Harmless mail issues.

Clearly something wrong. 

Someone lying.

Someone who was clearly not given a clue before this that they were about to lie.

… Shuichi glanced at Maki, and Maki shrugged. “Sure. Need any help?” She asked, glancing at Kaito specifically, giving him a chance.

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh-- she has pneumonia, “Nah! I’m just going to go keep him company! Either of you want anything from downstairs when we’re heading back?”

Shuichi and Makki both shook their heads, before returning to their game of chess, which both of them were using as more of a way to keep their hands busy as they talked more than anything, “Alright. See you both soon.” Shuichi called.

When the door closed, he asked Maki, “Should we follow them?”

Maki shook her head, “Kaito said he didn’t need help.”

“Kaito was lying.”

“Your pregnant self can try to stalk them if you want to.” Maki said idly, moving her pawn, “If Kaito says no, I’m gonna assume it’s fine.”

Shuichi raised an eyebrow at that… but said, “Alright then.” Going back to the game.

With another little wave Kokichi let them be. He didn’t exactly want to keep his friends in the dark, but...even with Kaito pulling back, when the three of them got together on something, they had a tendency to overreact. Also...Shuuichi hated walking all the way into town, and Maki was sick. Kokichi wanted to go settle this before they felt the need to come along too. 

As they headed down the stairs, one stop done and another to go--Kokichi usually found Nazumi in the gardens if he hadn’t requested her specifically for anything in a day--Kokichi gently took Kaito’s hand in his own, giving it a squeeze. Kaito had protected him so much, so often. This was in no way some hero crusade, but...Kokichi did want to return the favor.

Once they collected Nazumi, Kokichi briefly filling her in and the woman giving Kaito a concerned look--”That’s...just not right. We’ll sort ‘em out, darlin’.”--before squaring up, it was off to the club. Which...probably wasn’t open this early, but there should be management, and that’s what Kokichi was looking for.

This was going to potentially be really, really embarrassing, and Kaito was getting increasingly aware of this every step.

Because, okay, what if… this wasn’t a trap? And it was literally just ‘we heard you were kind of a slut, thought it might be good to advertise to ya?’

Which was… still not super great for a few reasons (the whole ‘married to their heir-apparent and pregnant with their poly boyfriend, why would you tempt me to complicate it??’ thing being pretty high on that list) but like… the proper response to that would have been just to not use the invitation. Annnnnd to not sic his tiny husband and his tiny husbands aunt on them.

Like, if this wasn’t a trap, this was still, just, reaaaaally embarrassing. 

(... was he going to a brothel right now? Or, some sort of equivalent??)

(...he wondered what it was gonna look like? Kaito didn’t go to the brothels back in Luminary-- well, he had gone once-- because the temples didn’t like that they weren’t temple brothels. The indentured program had taken brothel management away from the temple responsibilities, and it was, shockingly enough, something the temples hadn’t been able to compete with with their own ‘prayer rooms’. Something about Indentured’s not being allowed to say ‘no’ drew in more costumers than the more tightly run temple sex work.)

(Kaito had been talked into going to a for profit brothel once, and it… had made him deeply uncomfortable. He didn’t like being around people who couldn’t say no, not for something like that. The temples influence had still made the living conditions clean and safer than it might have been otherwise, but… Kaito had always felt like the brothels specifically were a huge sign that maybe … maybe the Momota family had officially lost its way, when the Indentured Program had first started…)

(... buuuuuut that wasn’t an issue in Dicea, right??)

(...would it be cool?)

Kaito squeezed Kokichi’s hands and tried very hard not to think about that. He was a loving husband with a sex shy husband and a jealous boyfriend, he did not care if the brothel ended up being cool!

The building in question was...kind of mundane-looking, honestly, though that was probably by design. There was nothing taboo about a strip club, but it was probably a good choice to not entice underage people with bright colors and fancy lights. Above the door was an elegantly scripted sign that said “The Gentle Club” and...the building was otherwise undecorated, the windows blacked out and the door just a plain, treated wood, though there was a small sign over one of the windows with the hours written on it.

Taking a breath to bolster himself up, Kokichi knocked promptly on the door, kind of...expecting to wait a bit, and probably knock more than once. Which, sort of happened--Kokichi had just raised his hand to knock again when the door opened, a young woman curiously looking at them as she said, “They’re closed. Did you--oh.”

The woman’s wide, red eyes had a sort of perpetually tired look to them--probably the prominent bags under them--but they lit up with a moment of surprise as she looked at just who was at the doorstep. 

“...Prince...Kokichi. And Prince Kaito. And...uh…” The woman’s eyes flicked to Nazumi for a moment, still confused but feeling a little weird in the face of her intense energy. Sighing softly, the woman puffed her cheeks in annoyance, softly grumbling about, ‘...not even an employee but you could still tell me when you have business meetings…’

“Uh, sorry, I...wasn’t expecting you? Should I go get Dawn?”

Kokichi wasn’t quite sure what to do with the woman’s--who, honestly, looked about his age--confusion so...he tried to remain professional. “If Dawn is one of the managers here, yes please. We have some questions regarding a flyer from this establishment.”

Andromeda cringed, though more on the inside than out. Shit...what did the girls do this time? They were usually pretty careful about not putting anything too provocative on advertisements. “Right… Please wait a moment.”

“...oh god I’m going to dig myself into a hole and bury myself alive if these people don’t attack us within the first twenty minutes.” Kaito murmured quietly, just, suddenly mortified. His eyes literally pinpricks, too freaked out to even start fussing with his hands. He did not go to a sex club with his sex shy husband to let him yell at them for freaking Kaito out with free stuff, that is not what just happened, oh god is that what’s happening right now!??

Kokichi looked up at Kaito, dropping his professionalism for a moment to rub Kaito’s arm. “...them not attacking us is kind of a good outcome, hun.”

...sure, it would be kind of embarrassing if it was just a weird coupon. Kokichi kind of...wanted to cringe into eternity if this came off as him being an overly possessive husband. But...if Kaito thought there was a possibility of this being a scam or a trap, and he did, then it was something to check out and clarify. 

...even if by the end Kokichi just wanted to curl up into nothing. 

Nazumi, on the other hand, was getting the idea that this may be...one of the funniest things she’d ever see, if it wasn’t horrifying. 

In another minute or two, another woman came to the door, a prime example of a tall Dicean woman, and that was even without considering the fact that she was wearing platform sandals. She had a similar coloring to the woman who had answered the door before, with the same red eyes, though her hair was a little more of a bluer green, and her skin looked as if it had seen more sun, and life in general if her scars were an indication of such a thing. 

...Dawn was worried. Rommy said that Prince Kaito had showed up, which was great! Even if he was early for open hours. But...he was with his husband, and another woman and...they didn’t look happy.

Despite her elegant looks, the woman’s smile was a tad nervous as she looked down at the trio. “Your highnesses, madam, welcome to the Gentle Club. You are welcome to come in, but...um. You...had questions about the voucher we sent?”

Why… were Dicean women like this?

What are they feeding them?

Kaito had literally no idea what to do right now. What was he supposed to do!? He literally couldn’t think of a single thing that would not make this potentially so much worse. Or more humiliating. What was he supposed to do right now???

“Um…” Kaito’s brain tried to think… come on! You are the Luminary Prince! You’re!... Charming! Sometimes!? Maybe!?? Oh god please let this tall woman be an evil, like… death cultist? Yes! Death cultist! That would make this an entirely reasonable trip and not a humiliating sign that his broken upbringing made him compulsively and recklessly paranoid and antisocial again. 

But how would Kaito know if they were death cultists!?

“...we were woooondering when the next… ‘meeting’ was.” Kaito said, before grinning brightly and putting his hands on his hips, getting into the swing of whatever incredibly stupid thing this was that he was deciding to do in his horrified embaressement, “We were hoping to join!”

...Kokichi and Nazumi both glanced to Kaito. 

And Dawn...paused for a moment, just...looking a little lost. But, talking to...maybe customers, maybe people who could shut down the club, she still put on a brave face and just let out a little, awkward laugh. “Um...the club’s hours are right here,” she gestured to the sign on the window, “so! We’ll be opening at five this evening!”

“And...you’re...always welcome to come?” she asked, more than stated. “If you would like to use your voucher tonight, well, most of us know, but feel free to bring it physically, just in case! And if you wanted to come as well, Prince Kokichi…”

...he hadn’t been incorporated into their plans much. If Prince Kaito wasn’t getting any at home, then...why would his partners want to come to a strip club? Surely they had other ways of doing things than having to hit the town to get in the mood. But it wasn’t like she was going to turn the prince away.

“Then! We would be willing to extend the voucher for you as well!” she decided on the spot. “Apologies for not sending one originally… This…” Dawn gave the men a sheepish look. “...well, we didn’t think you would be interested, honestly. Again...sorry.”

Damn! She didn’t take the bait! 

Damn! She may not be a death cultist!

Kaito knew he was starting to get more than a touch irrational. He could feel his growing hysteria get, more, well… hysterical. This sucked. This sucked. He was so embarrassed. He felt so fucking stupid right now. Byakuya was right, he couldn’t take care of himself, what the fuck was he doing out here, he should have told Maki and Shuichi, at least he wouldn’t be the only idiot. He could feel a burn rising from his back to his neck to his ears and over his face…

“Do you have a bathroom?” Kaito suddenly asked.

Dawn held the door open a little wider, beckoning the group in. “Yes; please, come in, I’ll show you the way.”

If the outside of the club was plain, then the inside was where the decoration really got its time to shine. There was a small entryway that led to a long desk slightly off to the side that the woman from before was sitting at, a book and a notebook and a bag of dried fruit on the desk that the woman was idly munching on, as she gave them a curious glance. Then, the floor opened up, comfortable chairs stacked to the side that would likely be placed around a...almost bubble-like elevated stage, little sections for various performers to have their own dedicated audience, shiny poles sticking up in strategic places. 

Walking farther into the club, Dawn motioned for Kaito to follow her. “This way, please.”

...Kokichi gave his husband a concerned look. He was pretty sure this was just a misunderstanding, but...just in case, he didn’t want to leave Kaito on his own. Speaking up, Kokichi grinned at the tall woman. “Um, sorry, I’ll be...tagging along too.” Trying to make it seem like he suddenly needed to use the bathroom too. 

Nazumi didn’t feel good about leaving the princes alone but...she couldn’t go into the bathroom with them. But she could keep an eye on the door and the two women in the club.

“Thank you so much, really appreciate it, talk to you later.” Kaito said a touch too fast, glancing at the poles-- oooooh they are literally poles-- following the woman with his eyes mostly trained vaguely down, and saying thank you again when she showed him where the bathroom was, he walked in, letting Kokichi follow in behind him.

It was a nice bathroom. There was graffiti all over the stalls, despite the otherwise clean nature of the well lit tiled area. Kaito looked at the graffiti. Lots of jokes of a sexual nature, but a few nice comments too. Just things praising the club or the dancers. Nice, graffiti wall comments…

The sink was one of those types that jutted out of the wall, with nothing but the minimalism piping beneath it, otherwise empty space. Kaito looked at the space beneath the sink, and mutely, squatted down, put himself beneath it-- it was a tight fit- and bringing his knees up to his chest, buried his head into his knees and grooooooaned.

Dicea even had nice graffitti in their fucking brothels, what had he been thinking, fuck, he was so embaressed.

“This is where I live now, ‘Kichi.” Kaito informed his husband through his knees, “Tell Shuichi I loved him, but I’m never coming out of this bathroom.”

Kokichi sighed softly, but his gaze was as soft as kitten fur as he crouched down in front of Kaito. “...Shuu-chan’s gonna whine every time he comes to visit you. About how you’ve made him walk so far and go through a strip club just to see his boyfriend.”

“...hey…” Ever so gently, Kokichi reached forward, carding his fingers through the side of Kaito’s hair, what he could reach that wasn’t buried in knees. “...this is good, you know? I’m glad no one’s trying to hurt you. You had more than enough reason to be suspicious, so I’m glad we checked. It’s okay, sweets.”

“No it’s not. I’m a fucking… stupid, crazy paranoid asshole that made my husband wanna go invesitage a fucking brothel because I’m so fucking insecure that I can’t tell the difference between an ad campaign and a fucking setup.” Kaito groaned, digging his forehead harder into his knees, just… so frustrated…

“...guess we got you free dances and food too though.” Kaito mumbled, moving his head a little and looking up at Kokichi, looking the picture of misery, but clearly not so miserable that he wasn’t up to making stupid jokes as he said, “You and Shuichi should go watch the show and pick out a new Kaito. I bet they have some nice Kaito’s… who know how to dance on a pole. That’s a skill. Maybe new Kaito can teach the kids that… or, maybe not. Maybe pole dancing isn’t as physical as I’m imagining. Do you just pretend the other pole is another dancer, or…??? New Kaito will know.”

Kokichi’s brow furrowed a little as he shuffled forward more, pressing his own head into Kaito’s shins. “Hey,” he said more insistently. “That’s not true. You did what has always kept you safe in the past. It wasn’t entirely outlandish, otherwise I would’ve talked to you more about it at home. We had a concern and checked it out. That’s very reasonable, and very mature.”

Leaning back up a little, Kokichi rocked forward to boop his nose against his husband’s. “I don’t waaaaaaaaaant a new Kai-chan. I want you. Because my Kai-chan’s amazing. I hope that manager won’t charge us too high a rent for living under their sink, now.”

“Kokichi, you can’t live under the sink. You have a country to run someday… and also, there’s like, fuzzy stuff growing on the backside of the pipe here. Which is probably not great for living with. I don’t know, I don’t know anything about fungus. New Kaito might, but honestly, that’s pretty niche information, so I wouldn’t count on it.”

Kaito stared at the fuzzy but of the pipe in frustration for a moment… before sighing, and scooting out from under the sink. Getting up, he wiped the bottom of his pants off, looked at his hands, sighed again, and went to wash them. 

As he was washing them, he murmured, “...thanks, Kokichi. But...I still feel pretty foolish. I mean… is there no chance these guys aren’t secretly evil? Even secretly evil people can be polite and run clean brothels! And have nice graffiti! It’s a nice graffiti of lies.”

“I could run the country from under a sink,” Kokichi pouted, but he shuffled back accommodatingly when Kaito started to get up, letting out a little breath when his knees popped as he straightened too. 

It wasn’t the most graceful situation, sure, but...well, it wasn’t the end of the world. Honestly, Kokichi probably would’ve been feeling far more nervous if they’d come during business hours. But as just an empty club, a few surprised employees around… It was basically a business meeting, and Kokichi was good at those. 

Just because, Kokichi washed his hands as well, and he bumped his shoulder against Kaito’s arm. “...I mean, it’s not the kindest thing in the world that they sent you a coupon ‘cause they probably heard about your reputation in Luminary… And I don’t think there’s a way to ever truly know someone’s intentions… But they seem well-meaning.”

Kokichi was quiet for a moment. “...do you think you’ll take them up on the voucher?”

“What? No, Kokichi, of course not.” Kaito snorted, shaking his head, “Shuichi would talk Maki into killing me. And, like, even non-murder-y reasons of, like… I don’t know. It doesn’t sound fun? Maybe if you were dancing…”

...Kaito’s eyes widened, before he said, “Do you think they’d let us borrow one of their pole things? For like… fifteen minutes.” 

While Kokichi had been relatively composed, at that his cheeks went red and his eyes went wide in flustered embarrassment. “Kai-chan, no! I’m not gonna...I don’t--you know what, no. Nope.”

Covering his face, Kokichi just had to take a moment to breathe. 

“...d’ya just wanna say that we wanted to stop by since there aren’t strip clubs in Luminary, and we wanted to get an explanation? Since, yanno, I’ve never been… I know the concept, but I don’t really know know.”

“IIIII wanna dramatically accuse them of being death cultists and see if they go ‘oh no, how did you find out??’” Kaito said, turning off the water and flicking his hands, ignoring the paper towel provided, as he mused, “Or, maybe they’ll be like, ‘what? No, we’re not death cultists! We’re grifters!’ and we’ll be like ‘Aha! We tricked you into the telling your nefarious plots!’ And then we get to go home being cool and smart detectives.”

Kaito grinned, giving Kokichi a wink as he said, “I think it’d impress Shuichi, no? Being super cool sleuths, taking down the nefarious brothel gangs plans?”

“I think he’d be pouty that we went on a detective adventure without him. Stepping in on his territory.”

Sighing, Kokichi gave his husband a small smile, happy to see he was up for joking around. He knew that Kaito wouldn’t be down forever...but he was glad to see him in better spirits nonetheless. 

“As it is I think he might be a little annoyed…” But they’d come to it when they came to it. Kokichi walked over to the door, starting to hold it open. “Ready?”

And if Kaito was ready, the scene they would walk back into was...well, interesting was a word. Andromeda was writing lazily in her notebook, seemingly entirely unconcerned with the scene before her, which was Dawn completely perpendicular in the air, holding onto the pole and her body held out like a flag while Nazumi looked on, impressed. 

“Woah!” Kaito said, eyes widening, tilting his head slightly, like maybe he was mildly confused where the floor was… before turning to Kokichi and saying, “Okay, now I see why you didn’t wanna dance with the pole for me. That looks intense.”

Taking Kokichi’s hand, Kaito headed over to the stage, looking just amazed, as he said up to Dawn, “That’s incredible. How are you doing that? Your core must be a rock.” he praised, though he looked at her legs too and, ouch, that could not be easy on her calves. Wow.

Kokichi had never actually seen someone doing a proper pole dance before...but he kind of knew the gist. Still, seeing Dawn’s control in person was...kind of amazing, if just from an athletic appreciation sort of lens. 

In elegant “steps” in the air, Dawn lowered herself back to the ground, giving Kaito--and Nazumi, who had been asking about the sort of performances the club tended to put on, and one thing led to another--a bashful smile. “Thank you. It took a lot of practice, I’ll say… You’re right, in that you...basically have to hold the weight of your body with your core, though to keep yourself straight you...kinda need to work everything.” 

With another little laugh, Dawn nodded to Nazumi. “I was explaining to Miss Hijiri a little about the programs we have here at the Gentle Club. Um...so, did you have questions like that too?”

“Programs?” Kaito asked, glancing at Kokichi in confusion. Was… Nazumi planning to become a sex worker-oh! Maybe she meant exercise programs. “Do you guys teach people how to do that? Like, as some sort of class or…?”

Dawn looked a little surprised at the shift in topic, but she nodded, happy to explain. “We do, occasionally. There are people who find learning how to pole dance a wonderful workout, or just a neat trick that they want to learn, and...well, there isn’t actually a set up in the castle,” she gave Kokichi a gentle, teasing look, “So we hold classes here.”

“I, uh, will caution that it’s for people who are more used to working out, though. Being able to hold yourself up takes a lot of practice, but lifting yourself on a pole to any extent works your muscles and inexperienced folks would be more prone to pulling something.”

Kaito eyed the pole, “...caaaan I try it?”

“Uh, sure!”

“So, you’re going to want to position your arms like this…” Dawn started to explain, having done this for a class often enough that she knew what to say. Kokichi trusted that, but...well, Kaito would be alright if he hit the floor. And it wouldn’t even be the most embarrassing thing of the day. 

“Then, to start, just lift one leg a little out to the side, then try to lift yourself for your other leg to meet it, not all the way up yet.”

Kaito lit up, quickly crawling up onto the stage, before listening attentively to Dawn’s explanation. 

Putting his hands on the pole, Kaito carefully steadied one leg against the pole, kicking off his shoes, tongue slightly sticking out in concentration as he lifted himself a few inches onto the pole, clinging to it with his hands and feet, before shuffling up a few feet. Okay! Not so bad so far! 

He looked at Dawn, still listening to her instructions, but he could feel the strain already of keeping himself lifted clutching onto this pole, and his hands were starting to sweat a little… he tried to adjust, moving up another few inches where the sweat of his hand might affect him less, and this time he looked at Dawn upside down, head leaning entirely backwards as he hung onto the pole, as he asked for clarification, “Wait, so, do I cross my legs at my ankles, or my cal-GAH!”

He scrambled as he started to slip down, but whatever traction he had managed by that point was gone, and while he didn’t ‘fall’, per se? He diiiiiid slooooooowly start to slide down the pole entirely, hand and feet all clutching the metal, until finally he landed on his back, staring in mild bafflement up at Dawn from the floor of the stage, looking entirely puzzled. 

“...hmmm…” Kaito hummed, staring at Dawn… she really was very pretty… he wondered what a real performance looked like from her. Hmmm… and then his eyes shifted to Kokichi, and he suddenly said, “Ya know, I bet this is easier the lighter you are? You should try it babe!” he said with a smirk.

Aw… Dawn gave Kaito a kind look as he slid down the pole, recounting the many, many times she’d done the same. “It’s tricky, isn’t it. But you did pretty well for your first time!”

Then… At the same time, Dawn and Andromeda’s eyes were drawn to Kaito a certain...well, they described it as a smell, and it very nearly was. But it was a sense that people like them were keenly attuned to. 

...he deflected onto his husband. Maybe it was a closed three-way relationship…

Again, Kokichi looked flustered, though...there was a certain intrigue in his eyes as he looked at the pole. “...would that be alright?”

“Certainly,” Dawn nodded. “And there is some truth to that--if you’re smaller, you have less to support. But, generally, less to support with too. Now, I’m sure you got it before, but it can be different up close; put your hands like this…”

Following the woman’s instructions, Kokichi tentatively started hiking himself up on the pole, becoming more sure in his movements just from gravitational necessity after not too long. Kokichi didn’t think he could lift himself directly out to the side, but Dawn guided him on how to start learning how to hold his legs in front of him just to the side of the pole, like he was sitting next to it. 

And...he couldn’t do it for long before having to let go of the pole and hop down to the ground, but for a moment there he had it. 

Dawn grinned with light applause, the back of her mouth starting to water from the growing scent in the air. “Oh, wonderful job!!”

Eeeeeeeeee!!!

“Holy SHIT! Babe, that was incredible! You were actually in the air there for a second, did you see that!?” Kaito said, looking to Nazumi, just, fucking floored, a flush burning his neck and ears as he turned back to Kokichi and said, “You’re a natural, ‘Kichi!”

Kaito had given him a little space to work the pole, but once his husband was safely down, Kaito headed over to him, pulling him in a hug and kissing the top of his head, before saying, “Damn, let me see your hands! Mine kinda hurt after sliding down the pole, are yours good?” he asked, taking Kokichi’s wrists and looking down at his hands, double checking them, before getting caught up again and beaming at Kokichi, “I still can’t believe you did that! Or, okay, I mean, I know I said you could, but there’s a difference between thinking it and seeing it, ya know? That was wild!”

Was Kaito turned on by seeing Kokichi do an impressive physical accomplishment? 

… that’s a dumb question. Don’t ask dumb, obvious questions.

Kokichi giggled, pressing into Kaito’s hug happily, pleased with the praise and his husband’s excitement, even if he had a feeling something like this would happen. But...it was kind of fun. Like being on a swing, except you were the swing, and your arms and legs were the chains or ropes. Kokichi didn’t think he’d want to come to the club during regular hours...but he might keep an eye out for the next time they were going to hold a pole dancing class. 

...Andromeda looked between Prince Kaito and her sister, her stomach growling up a storm, despite the fact she’d been snacking for the last hour or so. This guy… Oh Dawn. 

Dawn caught her sister’s gaze from across the room, faltering a little from Andromeda’s glare. There hadn’t been any harm in asking, right?

“My hands are alright, I’m good,” Kokichi soothed, turning to give Dawn a thankful smile. “Thank you for letting us try this out. I’d never seen a coupon like the one you sent, so we wanted to come make sure it wasn’t some scammer or something but...glad to see it’s not! I’m sure you have a lot to get to before club hours, so we’ll get out of your hair. Thank you for speaking with us!”

Kaito grinned sheepishly at that, taking Kokichi’s hand and finally saying, “Uh, yeah, thanks for the invitation… sorry for the weird visit. Luminous.” he finished, as if that was the whole of the explanation anyone needed, “And I’m not going to use the benefits, sorry.”

Did he want too? Sure, of course. But he didn’t like the idea of making his partners uncomfortable, and going to a sex show by yourself was lame anyway… “Oh, uh… would it be alright to give our postcard coupon things to someone else to use?”

It wasn’t entirely out of left field, but Dawn still dimmed. Really? The guy wasn’t getting any, and...well, she hadn’t been expecting to entice the guy into cheating on his partners! There were plenty of people in committed relationships that came to the club, and it wasn’t entirely uncommon for someone in a relationship to hire an escort with their partner’s endorsement, and not even for cucking shit! Or threesomes! Sometimes people just had different sexual needs, and even emotionally it was a little ridiculous to expect one person to fulfill everything you needed. 

But apparently not for Prince Kaito. How the hell was she going to explain this to the others? They’d been so excited…

Still, Dawn put on a soft smile and nodded understandingly. “Alright. I’m glad you still came to see what our club has to offer. And...sure, you can transfer the coupon--just remind them to bring it when they come so we can keep track of things.” Maybe they’d start getting a different, new repeat customer. 

“It was nice meeting you three!”

Kokichi gave the woman a grin and gave her a nod, and one to the woman over at the desk, though she seemed rather checked out. “Likewise! Have a good rest of your day!”

And thus, they started to leave from the just...bizarre happening. 

On the way home, Kaito looked down at the postcard, his mind mildly whirring away… “Do you think Waku would want it?”

Kokichi looked up at Kaito in slight surprise, but this wasn’t the first time Kaito had expressed his view of Waku being a little on the wild side. His cheeks pink, Kokichi shrugged. “No harm in asking if she’d want it. I’m not really sure who else you’d wanna ask anyway.”

“Maki? She might like sexy dancing with poles.” Kaito mused, tucking the postcard away, before smirking, “...I’d say shove it under Hideki’s door and tell him to loosen the fuck up, but knowing him it wouldn’t even phase him. Tsk. Better to give it to someone who’d actually enjoy it then use it in a prank.”

Kokichi nodded with a slight snort. “Hideki’s good at being a stick in the mud in even the wackest environments. He does know how to have fun, but his definition is a bit different than a lot of people’s.”

He knew his uncle hadn’t become a hermit. Hideki regularly went to various performances at the theater, and sat in on lectures in the castle if he had the time. He enjoyed the occasional trade show, when they came to town. Probably the most glaring changes Kokichi had seen through the years, though, was...that Hideki never went traveling when he was on vacation anymore. He rarely knew his uncle to just...go wander in town, enjoying the city. And...he didn’t go to museums anymore either. 

Kokichi knew that his uncle did a shit ton of work for the country, so it wasn’t as though he had exorbitant amounts of free time, but...it was just different, these days. 

At one point, Kokichi had thought it might’ve been a good idea for Hideki to get back out there on the dating scene, but...after meeting Kaito and Shuuichi, he got it. Kokichi didn’t think he could ever bring himself to start seriously dating if anything happened to his partners. If you meant your one true (or two true, in his case) partners, then...it was insurmountably hard to see yourself with anyone else. 

Kokichi frowned slightly, as all these thoughts went through his head, and he pressed closer to Kaito. Hating the idea of anything happening to his husband. “...hey, I love you a lot, you know?”

“Pfff,” Kaito huffed, grinning down at his husband, “You mean even when I’m acting like a crazy person? Very big of you, for such a little guy.”

Kokichi rolled his eyes, nudging Kaito’s side. “I can be very big, thank you very much. And yes. Even when you get nervous about something you’re valid to be nervous about, and even when you leave bed early and leave me freezing on one side. I love you a lot.”

“Kokichi, it’s edging on summer, and I literally tuck you in every time I get out of bed. By this point all I can think to do is leave a heat pack behind me when I get out.” Kaito said, rolling his eyes a little at his perpetually freezing husband. “And you’re not being left to freeze to death, you always just scoot in towards Shuichi and convince each other to sleep in for another hour.”

Squeezing Kokichi’s hand, he said, “I love you too… I’m still sorry you have to deal with my bullshit, but I appreciate that you don’t think it’s that big a deal… they were weirdly pretty, weren’t they? I mean, I know you don’t appreciate the players on the other team, but man, they practically glowed. One of those effortless beauties. They remind me of some peeps I used to hang out with off and on in Luminary. Some people just ‘got it’, ya know.”

“And that’s why I love Shuu-chan too,” Kokichi nodded sagely. “He keeps me warm and cuddled even when you leave me in the cold. It’s a delicate balance that absolutely benefits me. And, besides, you’re gonna be begging for cuddles when it’s the middle of summer and even for you it’s a little warm and you just want to cool down some. Won’t think my hands are so weird then.”

Smiling at Kaito’s squeeze, Kokichi returned one and tipped his head against Kaito’s arm. “I married you, I’m in for all of the bullshit. Whether it’s something we can get through easily like this, or the harder stuff that we’ll probably end up talking about in therapy.” And he meant it. There weren’t always problems he could do things about, but he’d be beside his partners for all of it. 

Thinking back to the two women in the club...Kokichi shrugged a bit. “They were pretty, yeah. I like their hair color… I wonder if the...well, the woman who wasn’t Dawn is going to uni. It looked like she was studying or something.”

“Really? I just assumed she was reading for the fun of it. Maybe she doesn’t work there, maybe she was just hanging out?” Kaito mused, looking around, “...hey, it’s still pretty early. I know you’re gonna go back and hang with Maki and Shuichi, but do you wanna stop somewhere and get a drink first? Maybe chew on a pastry? ...wait, shit, my bad Nazumi, I actually forgot you were here for a second.” Kaito laughed, looking back at the older woman, “You’re welcome to come too. Want a drink?”

Nazumi laughed a bit, waving Kaito off and...honestly kind of pleased the prince had forgotten she was there. It meant she was doing her job, being unobtrusive and able to observe their surroundings without calling attention to herself. Also, it was always a joy to see Kokichi and Kaito acting all cute together, being young people in love. 

“No worries, Kaito! And I’m happy ta go wherever you two want--I’m along for the ride.”

Kokichi gave his aunt a thankful look, and while he did want to get back to the castle promptly… “...I could go for a pastry,” he hummed with a smile. “We could bring some back for Shuu-chan and Maki-chan too. As a nice thing, but sort of apology for dipping.”

“I doubt either of them are holding a grudge. Honestly, I think Shuichi’s kinda glad to get a break from hanging out with us, sometimes. Obviously all three of us were close growing up, but he and Maki had an easiness about them. Sometimes I’d just walk into a room and they’d just be sitting there, doing entirely separate things, not talking to each other, together… I always thought that was wild. I can’t be that calm and chilled out with other people to save my life. I always end up rambling about something.”

Honestly, Kaito rambled even when there was no one around to hear him rambling… though he always liked to think Atua was listening. He never found it easy to stop thinking about anything, except for when he was doing some monotonous task, and even then, it was more like his mental volume was turned down more than anything. 

A few of his partners in the past had even made a game of it, seeing how long he could be talked into being quiet and holding still. Kaito rarely made it very long.

“But, hell yeah, pastries and coffee. Well, coffee for me. I feel a little bad drinking it around Shuichi, so I’m gonna enjoy me some guilt free coffee… so, do you think Shuichi will laugh at what happened today, or get jealous?”

Kokichi nodded. That’s why it was only a ‘sort of’ apology. If he had just disappeared without saying anything? Definitely apology-worthy. But as it was...he was only going to show up just a little later than when he had planned originally, and he’d let them know not only that he was gonna be late, but...more or less what he was up to. And he was going to explain that in full when they returned anyway. 

“I get ya. When I hang out with other people, I always wanna make it, like, a Thing, you know?” Kokichi hummed, gesturing vaguely with his free hand. “I like taking naps with people, and...I guess that counts as chillin’ out, but if I’m awake, I like chatting.”

Maybe they could get Shuuichi some of that pseudo caffeinated tea…

Looking around for a good cafe to stop at, Kokichi let out a laughing huff. “I think he’ll be worried at first, but laugh once we get to explaining how it went. And...I mean, it’s not like you were rearing to immediately go and schedule an appointment with an escort, so I dunno if there’s much there for Shuu-chan to get jealous about at all.”

Kaito smirked, and said in a low voice, hoping to not embarrass Nazumi, “You think so? Shame. I like it when he’s jealous. He gets all possessive and controlling. It’s exciting. Maybe I should tell him, oooooh, yeah, I was super tempted...” he snickered, swinging Kokichi’s arm a bit, feeling playful.

Kokichi snorted, though his cheeks heated up as he gave Kaito an only slightly reproachful glance. “That’s too mean, Kai-chan. Even as a ploy. But...I mean…” 

He really was too indulgent. “...if you talk about how nice the club was, that’s not outright lying to Shuu-chan, and it might get him thinking. But we know our Kai-chan’s true.”

Kaito grinned, taking Kokichi’s hand and kissing at the knuckles, “Tsk, now who’s being mean? And hell yeah I am. Something like that wouldn’t be fun without you guys… though, if you ever wanna go? I cannot tell you how down for that I am. I am all about it.”

Kaito imagined Kokichi trying to make it through a brothel show and, or god forbid, actually trying to follow through with hiring an escort, and while the image brought a flush to his face, he still couldn’t help but laugh as he shook his head, “You would die. You’d collapse right in the middle of that club. It’d be a tragedy.”

Kokichi shook his head, his face thematically flushed as he said, “I would be blushing so hard I’d pass out. Watching a hot guy do their thing on stage? I get flustered enough when you or Shuu-chan decide to have a little fun, and I’m actively enjoying that. Plus, I think you guys would just...get way too jealous from how flustered I’d get.”

Sighing, Kokichi rubbed his cheeks before starting to veer them towards a cafe he spotted, not wanting to walk into it looking like his face was a tomato.

Kaito nodded sagely, “Shuichi would, one hundred percent. Our guy likes knowing he’s special to us, even if that’s not how he’d word it. I don’t think he’d ever really be comfortable with the idea that we’d be out there sleeping with people who could threaten to replace him. Not that we ever would. But I don’t think the thought would ever really leave him alone.”

Pausing, Kaito thought about it… “I don’t know if I’d get jealous? If you ever really decided to explore other options. I’d probably be bummed out to not be included, but… I mean, the thoughts occurred to me plenty of times that you never really got your chance to actually explore that sort of stuff. Never got to date or sleep around or even just… sit around and let people break their own hearts trying to woo you. And… I know you love me. You’ve sworn yourself to me a bunch of different ways… I don’t think I’d mind if you ever decided to just go do that… though I would hope you’d tell me about it first. Just to give me a chance to get my head around it.”

Shuuichi wasn’t possessive, at least to the uncomfortable point where he was trying to dictate who Kokichi and Kaito could hang around, or got mad at them for acknowledging that other people were attractive, so, to Kokichi, it was just...something kind of endearing. Shuuichi really cared about them, and wanted to be wanted. While they were comfortable in their three-person relationship, knowing that Shuuichi really cared about the exclusivity between them...was nice. It was a comfortable constant. 

Yet, the lack of that hard desire in Kaito didn’t feel bad either. 

Kokichi smiled softly up at his husband, pressing his head against his arm again. “I don’t think that’s something we’ll have to worry about, at the very least for the foreseeable future. I’m very happy with Shuu-chan and Kai-chan, and...I don’t really feel the need to look at other people that way. But, if I ever do, you two will be the first to know, before I even start considering acting on it.”

“...I don’t really know how I feel about it for you guys, though…” he hummed. Eyes watching the people around them. “...for a long time, I was just...terrified that you’d leave me. Not necessarily for another person in particular but...just to play the field and inevitably find someone better than me. Which, at the time, I thought would be practically anyone.”

“Then, when the three of us got together...it wasn’t as pressing, but I still worried that...I was just this add-on. Because of course you and Shuu-chan love each other, and have for years, and have proved it again and again. I wasn’t ‘in the way’ but I wasn’t...really the focus in any way.”

“Now, though? I don’t know. I think...I’d just want to talk about it if the thought came to you. And figure it out from there,” Kokichi decided. 

Kaito suspected that they could talk it out all they wanted, make plans, restrictions, agreements… and it’d still break Kokichi’s heart the first time he knew Kaito was out there with someone else.

And Kaito hated that idea. Really, genuinely hated it. 

Most of his previous relationships were open to some extent, if only because, well… it had been hard to convince anyone to actually claim him in a relationship. Kaito came with too much baggage, way too much baggage. A troubled past, a scandal filled present, all the complications of being a Momota with none of the inheritance benefits, Byakuya’s temper. Being exclusive with Kaito was almost kind of asking for trouble. Kaito had known that, and he hadn’t minded. He just liked being with his partners, at the end of the day, exclusive or not.

And he loved the attention. Loved making people swoon or beside themselves, hearing all the different ways they gasped, learning all the little shivers. He couldn’t say he wouldn’t still love it, now that he was married.

But knowing there was a possibility Kokichi was somewhere just feeling… sad or nervous or insecure? Because of what Kaito was doing?

Well, the thought ruined the whole experience. Kaito would hate it. He didn’t want to go have fun at his partners expense.

And, he knew Kokichi would let him. If Kaito asked? And that’s why Kaito was never going to ask. Kokichi was never going to say no, because it would feel ‘mean’, so Kaito could never ask. Kaito never wanted to pressure his husband to agree to an open relationship he’d never actually want himself, that he’d only agree to in order to make Kaito happy. It was just a compromise that Kaito didn’t want to make with himself.

Though, as they got to a cafe… Kaito snorted, “I still can’t believe you had no idea how much of a catch you were. ‘Practically anyone’ would be better than you? Holy shit Kokichi, that’s how I know you’ve never dated. Fuck.”

Kokichi rolled his eyes a little before he walked over to the side of the pastry case, trying to decide what he’d get for Shuuichi and Maki...and himself, of course. “Come on… You know how awful my self-image and confidence was. Untreated depression and a general anxiety disorder warps your perception like crazy. I can acknowledge that I was ridiculously insecure.”

Looking over to Kaito and Nazumi, Kokichi tilted his head. “Do either of you want a pastry? We can just order all together, my treat.”

“Sweet ‘a you, Kokichi!” Nazumi grinned. “I’m good on pastries, but I think I’ll take a peach sweet tea.”

“I’ll have a pastry, yeah. One of those scones with the chocolate in the center? And just a regular coffee, babe.” Kaito asked him, kissing Kokichi’s temple, “Thank you. And, yes, I’m sure a lot of it was the depression. But also just… not seeing how generally…”

Kaito sighed, realizing there was no kind way to say this… “People suck at dating, Kokichi. On average. It can end up being so much work to make a date a nice night out, because the other person has decided to put in exactly zero effort, and like… make it all this sort of test too, on you. Not themselves, oh, nooooo, Atua forbid if just getting to go on a date with them wasn’t meant to be some honor on your part. The only person who has anything to prove is you, and if you show anything less than just absolute appreciation for them doing the bare minimum, that’s a point against you too. Nazumi, you know what I’m talking about?”

Kokichi nodded, taking in Kaito’s order and...hm. Maybe a sticky bun for Shuuichi and...ooh, that tartlet filled with blueberries might be nice for Maki. Not too sweet, but still a treat. 

Though, he turned to listen to Kaito’s little tirade, likely...some personal pet peeves coming out. 

Nazumi, on the other hand, just shrugged a little, looking kind of bemused. “Sure, some folks are a little self absorbed that way...but, honestly, most of my dating days were during high school, so my view might be skewed. Mostly it was just the both of us bein’ nervous and awkward an’ bein’ excited ‘cause someone asked ya out to a festival, or goin’ to a concert or play or just...spending some time together out an’ about. I think most of the time it was just some combination of bein’ flattered ta be asked out, and bein’ nervous about if the other person liked us. Weren’t too much mindgames fer me, honestly.”

...at that Nazumi grimaced a bit. “Was a bit too upfront in my own right.”

Kokichi gave his aunt a sympathetic look and touched her arm for a moment before humming a ‘be right back’ kind of sound to go order their food and drinks.

Kaito couldn’t help but cynically consider that if she didn’t remember having to deal with all that in her dating days, she might very well be the other person in the date, just along for the ride while the other person had to prove themselves… but, honestly, he didn’t really feel like that. He was mostly just thinking of, just…. The many bad dates he had been on in his life. And kinda just wanted to say all the things he had really, really wanted to say at the time, to those assholes…

But, well, if he had said it, then the date would have ended. And young Kaito couldn’t have that, could he.

As Kokichi went to go get the drinks, Kaito gave Nazumi a curious look. “Ah, right. The big high school love, huh... “ she had gotten into some violent fight over it, if he understood right. Something bad enough that she still had a weapons ban all these decades later. ‘Possessive’... something something disorder. The reason why she and Lake would never actually, well… claim each other.

… it had occurred to Kaito that Nazumi had maybe killed someone over it. He didn’t like to think about it, but, well… maybe the other person had had it coming? Kaito didn’t worry about murderers too much if the killing was justified, in some way. And considering it happened when she was a teeanger, he doubted she was another person on the long line of ‘oh god please stay away from my husband forever, kay thanks’ list.

Not that the list, ya know, mattered anymore… Kaito was the leaderboard on it. No one else had ever so much as put a hand on him.

Kaito felt that dark cloud coming over him again and said a touch too loudly, trying to escape it, “Well, forget about that. What was being a kid in Dicea like, Nazumi? Any fun stories? Did you grow up in the capital?”

Nazumi sighed a little. ‘Big high school love’ was...certainly one way to put it. A crazed obsession was another. Looking back...it was so hard to distinguish those feelings. And maybe it was just trying to distance herself from the person she had been but...Nazumi didn’t think she had even loved her. It was just possessive obsession. 

As Kaito moved past the subject though, Nazumi brightened as well, letting out a small laugh. “Not quite--I grew up in Red Grove, this town just to the east of Usott. If it weren’t for the farmland, you could practically call it a suburb. Lot of us would take day trips over to the city if we could hang for a horse or wagon.”

“For bein’ way smaller, Red Grove has a bigger sewer system--tunnels ten feet tall in some places. ‘Pparently needed it to be stronger since it’s so close to the swamp--makin’ sure everything isn’t leaking into the ground.” Nazumi shrugged a bit, and while this certainly wasn’t the most average topic for childhood memories, they were ones she cherished. “My ma was one of the inspectors for the tunnels, makin’ sure that there were blockages or people messin’ in there or animals that could get hurt, and she’d bring me with her sometimes, since it was a sure thing that I was gonna go explore, and it was better to do it with supervision than end up one of the things she’d inspect.”

“It was pretty cool, honestly! Though one time…” Nazumi shook her head with a chuckle, “My ma said it was a gator that had gotten into the system, and I’m inclined to believe her since I was just a tyke, but the creature we saw once was enormous. Some big ol’ scaly thing just under the waterline, shiftin’ an’ snappin’. Ha, I had so many daydreams ‘bout goin’ down an’ catchin’ the thing.”

“Ooooooh, oh no, Little Nazumi needs to stay away from alligator hunting.” Kaito laughed, shaking his head, “God, I don’t know how your mother managed it. I think I’d swallow my actual fucking tongue if I thought Miya was off chasing an alligator. Sometimes I think about the shit I got up too when I was a kid, and I start worrying about what the heck I’m gonna do when Miya starts walking. Let alone, like… going places by herself! Ugh.”

Kaito sighed, shaking his head again. His kid wasn’t even born yet, and she was already giving him gray hairs. He was doomed. 

“You were around Kokichi while he was growing up, right? At least to the point where you got one of the ‘aunt’ titles. What was that like?” Kaito asked, curious still.

Nazumi nodded with a laugh. “It’s all well and good to think about independence until you got a li’l toddler with a whole world to explore, huh? If my ma could manage the terror I was, I think you’ll figure it out, Kaito.”

And, yanno, it was unlikely little miss Miyako would turn out like Nazumi, so...well, her parents were already loving the shit out of her. Whatever unexpected bumps the girl would hit, Nazumi was more confident that her nephew, Kaito, and Shuuichi would be able to figure it out. 

Grinning widely at Kaito, Nazumi gave a little nod towards Kokichi accepting a few parcels of pastries. “Well, it ain’t a surprise to anyone he was always a little cutie. But quite the imp too. Has Lake ever told you about the time he got just a whole boatload of tree sap in her hair? It was the only time I’ve ever seen her with short hair.”

“He liked to leave these...like, little packets of confetti around? That he’d tape to the openings of doors so when you opened them it’d just rain down on ya. Then he’d hide behind some corner and giggle like a little maniac before running away,” Nazumi giggled herself. “Cute an’ devious, that one.”

“Ah, geez, Kokichi.” Kato tsked, rolling his eyes a little, though he grinned at the story. Cute…” I’m always hearing about what a little shit he was, though I have a hard time believing it. Though… admittedly, one of the first things anyone in the castle ever directly said to me was to ask him to stop setting up his dishes to fall when they were being collected. I think Waku said it to me… I can’t remember why? Maybe I was apologizing to her for acting weird… was that what I was doing? Wow, I really can’t remember...”

“You know, actually, it was Lake who was the first person to have a conversation with me.” Kaito remembered, “She complimented my cape, I complimented hers. She was nice, I liked her basically right away. She’s way older than me, but I think I remember wishing she was the one I was being sent to marry. This might come as a shock to you, but me and Kokichi were not exactly ‘thrilled’ with each other when I first proposed.” Kaito rolled his eyes, assuming enough time had gone by to talk more casually with other people about that, “‘Cute and devious’ were not traits I appreciated, at the time. Though he was absolutely all of those things.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

“He has sweetened up with you folks in his life,” Nazumi nodded, referring to the Luminous-Diceans. “No one can argue that he did get a kick out of it but...well, you saw. Nephew was bored an’ lonely an’ wanted attention, and pranks are one of the ways he could have control over that attention. It’s his own narrative.”

Which was maybe a...clinical way to describe the whole situation, but just as Kokichi had started, at least internally, quoting and referencing things he’d learned in therapy, Nazumi had been doing it for much, much longer. 

Nazumi smiled a bit, her heart swelling in pride, hearing that Lake had reached out to Kaito early on, and the prince had appreciated that, even with how their relationship had nosedived afterward. It was just...a very Lake thing to do. 

Nodding knowingly, Nazumi adjusted her headband, smoothing some of her escaped bangs back. “Kokichi can be kinda cold, when you’re first gettin’ to know him. Prickly. He don’t always mean to be rude by it, but...he does take some warmin’ up to, for some. But once ya get to know him, even when he’s at his most devious ya can’t help but be fond.”

“To be entirely fair to him? I think I was a unique case.” Kaito snickered, watching his husband fondly in line. “... hey, can I…”

He hesitated, a part of him worried to ask this. He didn’t want to undermine or sabotage his husband by accident… but Kokichi had assured him a thousand times now that the restrictions were in his own head. That it wasn’t as bad as Kaito had thought it was when he first got here. So…

“... Can I ask… did you guys know Kokichi was like… climbing the walls and stuff to sneak out?” Kaito asked, giving Nazumi a curious look, “Like… you guys knew, right?”

Nazumi’s eyes widened. They were a bright, warm orange, but no one would mistake them for Nao’s. Not with the little dark flecks around her pupils, almost making them look like X’s in her eyes. When they had first become friends, Nazumi had joked that it really made her and Lake a pair, since they matched with Lake’s X-shaped scar over her right eye. 

“...he was climbing walls?!” Nazumi gasped, managing to keep her utter surprise still hushed to a normal speaking volume. “Like...I’d see him in the garden sometimes, and figured he was there to be alone, but...he was legitimately, coming of age story-like, sneaking out?”

Kaito’s stomach squeezed in fear, for a second. He had genuinely been expecting a laugh and an eye roll, like, ‘of course, we all knew, we thought it was peculiar but a prince is gonna prince’. How could they… not know?

Awkwardly, Kaito rubbed his other arm, one of his hands popping its own joints with his thumbs, glancing at his husband and not knowing what he should say… though…

He frowned, and without necessarily any ‘accusation’ in the tone, he said quietly, “Nazumi… coming of age? He was doing this at twenty. Sometimes I don’t… sorry.” Kaito murmured, pulling back, “I’m not trying to start anything. Maybe it’s a culture difference. Legally, at the least, in Luminary you can vie for independence way younger. There’s a lot of issues that can come from that, but… maybe Kokichi needing to sneak out of his home at that age is more normal in Dicea.”

“Shit…” Nazumi adjusted her gloves, just kind of...blown away. Kokichi had seemed cagey whenever she saw him in town, sure, but...she always thought it was just because he was trying to have some time where he wasn’t The Prince. She thought he was trying to blow off steam! Not that he...aw, kid…

Though, Nazumi looked at Kaito in confusion over the tangent he was going on before she quickly brought a hand up to wave the assumption off and defend herself. “Aw shoot, Kaito, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that...you know? In those kinds of books, there’s always some kind of climatic moment where a kid sneaks out to, like, go to a party their parents didn’t approve of, or something. I meant that...what Kokichi was apparently doing was like that? And not...you know? Just walking out of the front gate like...well, I’d never really thought that much about how he was leaving the castle, to be honest, but if I had to say I would’ve guessed that.”

“...no. It’s not normal,” the older woman sighed, looking over at her nephew in concern. “I mean, sure, it’s considered the norm for even older teens to at least let their folks know where they’re goin’ and when they’re expectin’ to be back, but...at twenty? He should be able to just make his own plans.”

Kokichi was just collecting the drinks now, thankfully accepting the little cupholder tray to balance the sweet tea, coffee, and iced mocha as he headed back to Kaito and Nazumi. Still a little shocked, Nazumi came forward to take the tray from him, as he was holding the pastries too, and...just in the moment, she gave him a fond look, gently ruffling his hair. 

It was hard to tell what was on his mind, sometimes… She wished she had known.

Kaito looked back and forth between Nazumi and Kokichi…

(He didn’t care if it was hovering or annoying.)

(He was going to be incredibly nosy about Miyako’s life. Tim’s too.)

(No one was going to get to hurt his kids, just cause he never bothered asking the right question.)

(They weren’t going to have childhoods like himself or his husband.)

“Thanks babe!” Kaito grinned, trying not to let that dark cloud of worry and sadness show on himself, getting up with Nazumi and joining them. “You guys wanna sit down or eat this on the road? I’m up for either. It’s a nice day out.”

Kokichi gave his aunt a curious look, but appreciated the affectionate gesture nonetheless before he grinned up at his husband, kinda...feeling like they both needed a little cheering up. “Welcome! I’m happy to be able to treat you guys when I can.”

“I will say I’m a little eager to get back to Shuu-chan and Maki-chan, but...we don’t have to speedwalk or anything. I’m prolly just gonna sip, then eat when we get home.”

“Yeah, I’m about to devour this in like two seconds.” Kaito admitted, looking at the scone. “But yeah, let’s head back. I gotta go smother Shuichi in a bunch of attention he’s gonna insist he doesn’t want. It’s a busy schedule.”

-

While Kokichi wasn’t exactly excited to be drinking coffee in front of Shuuichi--even if he had asked for as little coffee as possible and for decaf in his drink--he’d only finished about a third of it by the time they reached the castle, Kokichi thanking Nazumi for coming with them on short notice, to which she laughed and said that’s what she was there for. 

For as stressful as it had been when they set out, it was pretty comfortable coming back. 

Stopping only to kick his shoes off back in their room, Kokichi knocked gently on Maki’s door, hands full of his drink and three pastry bags. “Maki-chan, Shuu-chan, it’s us--we’re back!”

“We’re on the floor.” Shuichi called from the floor.

“We’re lamenting.” Maki informed them from the floor as well.

“Oh?” Kaito said, closing the door behind them, walking to sit on Maki’s bed. His sidekicks were both splayed out onto the flooring, their heads next to each other, still staring at the ceiling together. “What are you lamenting about?”

“Life.”

“Love.”

“Those paintings that you have to squint and tilt your head a bit to see a three dimensional picture.”

“It’s frustrating cause like… that has to be hard to do. Technically and planning and stuff, right? But… it’s so dumb.” Shuichi said, squinting at the ceiling, sounding genuinely concerned as he said, “Is it okay to look at a piece of art that requires that much dedication and technically skill and go… that’s so dumb…??”

Kokichi plopped himself at Maki and Shuuichi’s--though mostly Shuuichi’s, because of their height difference--feet, considering the maybe-not-so philosophical question posed. “...I think it’s okay. There’s a lot of stuff that takes a lot of skill and effort and planning to do that’s wildly dumb. But just because something’s dumb doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing, either. Sometimes it’s just fun to be dumb.”

“...you guys wanna lament with some pastries? I tried to pick out stuff I thought you’d like.”

“In a minute, thank you.” Maki said, waving her hand distractedly. 

“I’ll take it… can I eat it laying down?” Shuichi asked.

“If you think you can do it without choking?” Kaito smirked.

“I will take slow… careful bites.”

“Mmmhm.” Kaito said, looking at them amused. “So are we lamenting together? Or do you guys wanna do something else?”

“Everything is just a form of lamentation. Lamentation through actions. We’re simply skipping the ‘action’ part.” Maki informed him. 

“Also she’s sick.’

“He’s pregnant.”

“The floor seems like a good place for that sort of thing.” Shuichi said, shifting slightly, “It feels nice on my back.”

“I, in turn, am suffocating slowly on my own snot.” Maki said, “and yet…. The floor calls.”

Trusting Shuuichi to eat on his back, Kokichi passed over the little baggie with the sticky bun, setting Maki’s pastry to sit at his side while he opened up his own strawberry danish. “I could get down for lamenting on the floor for a while. I was planning on just veggie out in bed for a while anyway, before we headed out.”

Giving Maki a slight sympathetic look, Kokichi offered, “You need any tissues, or you good for now?”

“Mmmmm… yes.Thank you.” Maki sniffled, taking the tissues Kokichi provided, blowing, and then letting her arm fall back against the floor. “It’s occurred to me that this is a terrible way to live.”

“With the sniffles?”

“Yes… how do people with pollen allergies do it? Have they considered… taking off their noses?”

“Somehow I think that wouldn’t actually solve the problem.” Kaito pointed out. “I think you’d still have the sniffles, and you wouldn’t have a nose.”

“Nothing to blow through.” Shuichi said, “Taking out the middle man.”

“Don’t your sinuses go almost all the way up into your brain, though?” Kokichi hummed, not...entirely at ease with the mental image of someone taking off their nose to avoid the sniffles, but powering through it. “At least your nose is a convenient funnel. I don’t even wanna consider the logistics otherwise.”

Munching on his danish, Kokichi hummed again. “...also I’d really miss tasting things. There are too many good-tasting things in the world for me to give up my nose without regret, even for fewer congested days.”

“...Can you not taste things when you don’t have a nose?” Maki asked, sounding genuinely baffled.

“Have you noticed that you don’t taste things much lately?” Shuichi asked, carefully eating his pastry.

“...No?” Maki said, before immediately amending, “Maybe? I don’t know. I haven't noticed.”

“Yeah, I guess you can’t taste things well when you can’t smell? I’ve never noticed it either, but people swear it’s true.” Kaito shrugged, “I’m inclined to believe them,”

“It’s like...nuanced stuff,” Kokichi shrugged as well. “Like, supposedly, the majority of what you taste comes from your sense of smell. Though, since a lot of the time my nose is stuffed I’m just having broths anyway, it’s kinda hard to tell if I’m tasting something weird, or it’s just because my food isn’t flavored much.”

“I kinda take it as the same sort of stuff like your other senses are sharpened when you close your eyes...even if I think it’s really that you’re just paying attention to them more ‘cause you’re not constantly trying to process the craziness that is vision.”

“Maki. If you could have any sense, like… really enhanced… actually, if you could have any super power…”

“Pass.” Maki said, starting blankly at the ceiling.

“No, like, we’ve discussed this before, Kokichi  wanted… to fly? Was that it?”

“Flying would be really cool,” Kokichi nodded, “But I think...I said I wanted to be able to stop time? And we all kinda agreed that teleportation would be really cool.”

Kokichi shifted and stretched his legs out to the side, leaning back on one hand as he gave Kaito a grin. “And you said being indestructible wouldn’t have downsides, and I had to agree with that. And we both agreed Shuu-chan already has a superpower.”

“...so even in the realm of no-holds fantasy, Maki-chan still passes?”

“Capability is the source of all misery.” Maki said evenly, “Comprehension of capability the creature of nightmares. If you love someone? Truly love them? Tell them their dreams are trash and they can accomplish nothing, not even if they really, really try. Never burden them with what they are truly capable of. It will bring no joy.”

There was a… heavy, uncomfortable pause.

“...uh huh. That’s the source of all misery.” Kaito grumbled, “Sure.”

“Alright, well, if you didn’t have to use power responsibly?” Shuichi sighed, looking tired.

“Oh, um…” Maki thought about it. “Never have to sleep again.”

“Pass. I love my sleep. Or, at least the moment between going to bed and waking up. Very peaceful,” Shuichi countered.

For a moment, Kokichi just looked at Maki. Getting...one of those not super common glimpses into her psyche. 

...would she even agree to sit in on a session with them? Even if...what she really needed was some personal attention. 

He supposed they’d see how the future went. 

Nodding along with Shuuichi, Kokichi let out a heavy sigh. “I take solace in not having to be conscious for a little while every day. Even if I was feeling refreshed all the time, I think being awake constantly would drive me nuts. You would be able to get a whole hell of a lot done, though.”

“Uh oh, Maki, you chose the ‘responsible’ option again anyway,” Kaito teased, it not being… wholly playful. “Might wanna rethink your choice.”

Maki looked up at him blankly, and then said, “... how about the ability to summon any kind of ice cream whenever? And… it comes out perfect every time.With cones and bowls and toppings. Better?”

Kaito blinked at her, and then something shamed ran across his face, as he muttered, “I was just kidding… do you guys want ice cream? I could use ice cream. That’s a great idea Maki. I’m gonna make a run, does anyone want any specific flavor?”

“Strawberry please.” Maki said, looking back at the ceiling, “With sprinkles if the kitchen has them. Thank you, Kaito.”

...he wasn’t oblivious to the tension. But if they weren’t going to talk about it?

“Hooo… I take it back, that’s the best super power,” Kokichi drooled, looking quite pleased with the vision of instant ice cream whenever he wanted some. Grinning a...bit more softly at Kaito, Kokichi asked, “I’ll take strawberry too, but I’ll kinda take anything… Ice cream just sounds good. Thanks, sweets.”

Shuichi looked at all of his melodramtic, dumb friends, and asked for some vanilla and chocolate mixed up. With gummies, if they had it. And strawberry’s. And sprinkles. And if they're making any cookies can you bring some up too?  “Thanks Kaito.”

“On it! Be right back guys.”

Kaito headed out, and there was silence until the door closed.

“...wanna explain what that was all about?” Shuichi asked.

“I know it didn’t make him happy.” Maki said impassively, “I don’t think there’s anything I could possibly do right now that would make him happy. I’m just trying to be as inoffensive as humanly possible.”

“Well, you suck at it.” Shuichi sighed.

“I don’t have a lot of practice.” Maki admitted.

Kokichi sighed, moving Maki’s pastry and his drink cup safely over to the side before flopping back to fully lie on the floor too. “He’s angry and he loves you. I...don’t know if there even is a way to resolve things that would make Kai-chan happy right now. There might be a way to make it not hurt but...that’s something between you two. It’s something you’ll have to figure out for yourselves.”

...Kokichi stared up at the ceiling, remembering the anger in his husband’s voice. 

“...sometimes being inoffensive and detached is the worst thing to face.”

“...I can’t spar him right now.” Maki said softly, “He might accidentally kill me. And that would ruin all of our lives. I can’t risk it right now.”

“You could risk it a few days ago when you threw a knife at his feet.” Shuich huffed.

“That wouldn’t have been an accident. He was owed that. It was his choice to go through with it or not, consequences and all. But a heated spar?” Maki sighed, “I’m hurt, he’s probably more furious than he even realizes, and there’s no one here I trust to referee. Maybe if you weren’t pregnant, Shuichi… but anyone else? No one here understands what a Luminary spar looks like. They’ll either let him kill me by accident, or stop us before we’ve had a chance to say anything.”

“Maybe just… don’t have this conversation while sparring?”

“All the exact same problems, only without a referee or structure at all.” Maki said, “The truth is, I’m small, and Kaito’s big. It doesn’t matter when I can dodge all his attacks, but if he gets enraged and hits me in just the right angle? Jabs me with that sword of his? ...I’m human. Punching kills people. Too many people forget that, when they’re angry and just wanna land ‘one good punch’.”

Shuichi sighed. Boy, did he know that one… so many accidental manslaughters happened in fights that lasted less than twenty seconds. No one knew their own strength.

Kokichi nodded slightly. This was why Kaito felt cheated. Because he and Maki were such physical people, and they needed to have this out...but Maki couldn’t right now. She was sick and injured. She wouldn’t be able to put up a good fight, and she wouldn’t be able to take the hits. 

Kokichi knew this was how they communicated...but…

“...Kai-chan’s capable of being furiously enraged without putting his hands on you,” Kokichi murmured. “...I know I don’t understand how you guys talk. I don’t know if doing it any other way would actually mean anything to you guys. But...he has the capability.”

Maki shifted her head, looking over to Kokichi… before sighing. Staring at the ceiling again.

“...I’m also just… maybe not ready to have the conversation.” She admitted, “I literally can’t picture it going any way other than violence, because… what even is there to say? Sorry I lied to you and made plans to murder your whole family and left you with the kid so I could take advantage of your home life completely unraveling to install my preferred system of power? At least I didn’t kill Byakuya? I only negotiated the banishment of his whole family from their home and country, so they can figure out how to move on completely disgraced.”

“I mean… rich people don’t get disgraced like the rest of us.” Shuichi pointed out dryly, “I’m certain Princess Sonia’s going to set up Byakuya’s family to be nobles within her kingdom. Like… oh, boo hoo, you went from a king to a lord. Cry me a river.”

“I mean, yes, I agree. But still. I’m Kaito’s friend. It… it’s not like I didn’t know all of these things would hurt him. I did. I told myself he’d deal with it, and I’d deal with it, when the time comes, and…” Maki shrugged, “Now it’s here. And how do you deal with something like this?”

...and yeah. That was the whole reason for the tension. Really...neither of them knew how or wanted to have this conversation, even though they really needed to have it. They couldn’t bury it forever, but...shoving it aside for a little while was very, very tempting. 

“...even if it’s stuff you both know, or it just sucks to say...I think you should still say it,” Kokichi muttered. “Just...explain how you felt, and your needs and drives… It’s not about convincing the other person that you’re right. It’s just about...being candid and listening to each other. To not have to guess what’s going on in someone else’s mind.”

...because Kaito would never be convinced. He might get things conceptually, but...his feelings? Byakuya’s banishment wasn’t eyeroll-worthy to him. And...maybe he just wanted to have his pain acknowledged by the people he loved. 

“...I don’t know if there is ever going to be a way to deal with this. But you should still try.”

...Maki considered this…

And then rolled over to put her face in the wood. “No.”

And then started coughing a lot, because the only thing keeping the coughs at bay was holding very, very still. 

As she coughed, Shuichi snorted, “Ah, yes, Maki Harukawa. The reaper, slayer of kings, scourge of the west. Sniffling into the floor refusing to talk to her friend.”

“No one calls me those last two things, shut up, leave me alone.” Maki gasped between snot filled coughs.

“Mmm, Maki-chan’s prolly gonna get a lot more nicknames now,” Kokichi mused, rocking his feet back and forth on the ground. “Who’s to say no one’s gonna call you those? And you definitely slew Byakuya politically, so it still counts.”

“Hmm… I’m personally fond of Face of Liberation, but I dunno if it’ll catch on. Positive things rarely do in the grand scheme.”

“No one’s gonna remember me as a liberator.” Maki mumbled, “They’re just gonna remember me as the person who insisted on trying to starve out the country. They’re gonna remember Naegi as the liberator. He’s the nice one who made inspiring speeches about peace and change and the decency and dignity of man. I’m gonna be remembered as his sidekick henchmen giggling menacingly in the background.”

“I have never heard you giggle in my whole life.” Shuichi reasoned, “No ones gonna remember you as a giggler.”

“Either way, it’s the same. What I did was horrifying. No ones gonna care why I did it.” Maki said softly, sighing as he got up onto her elbows, grabbing one of the tissues to blow her nose again, “And it doesn’t matter. I don’t care how I’m remembered. I don’t regret what I did. The indentured program is shut down. It’s Kaede’s problem, figuring out how to feed the country for the next hundred years. I’ve just ensured she won’t do it on the backs of my kin. I don’t regret any of that...I just wish it hadn’t taken so much.”

“... this is going to be quite a change in subject, “ Maki said softly, “But I should see my siblings soon. And I want to know how…” she glanced at Kokichi, “That project I left you with is going, Shuichi… I should have asked about all of these things already but… it’s difficult to seriously consider anything right now. I mostly just want to sleep and eat ice cream… Kaito’s taking his time with that.”

There was a lot there that Kokichi didn’t think deserved a definitive statement, but the only thing he commented on was that, “Kai-chan cares. Fuck what history will think, but he cares a whole lot.”

But, really...Kokichi could urge his friends to talk for their entire lives, but it was up to them to actually figure it out. 

Sighing, Kokichi nodded. “They’re all really looking forward to seeing you… They’re good kids. Seem alright when I see ‘em in town, but...I mean, only the toddlers really talk to me, and that was only a few times.”

“...And we know about Aba’s baby,” he said bluntly, still looking at the ceiling. “I don’t know how well you remember him, but my friend Temp? He got approved to adopt the baby--went through all the inspections and interviews ‘n stuff.”

“You’re all well and good to just sleep and eat ice cream, Maki-chan. And...I wouldn’t be surprised if Kai-chan’s takin’ a minute to cool down. Or even going back into town to specifically buy ice cream for us.”

“Oh, noooo, he might actually be doing that.” Maki groaned, putting her head into her hands. “...I’m sorry, Kokichi. I didn’t want you to know about Aba. I thought it might upset you to know.”

Kokichi sighed, but there was a small smile on his face as he turned towards Maki. “It wasn’t the best news of my life, but...I get it, Maki-chan. I appreciate you thinking of me.”

“But...I don’t wanna just...get on your case today? But...if you were going to take a burden like that onto yourself...I would’ve wanted to know. So I could help. And...asking Shuu-chan to take it over from you, and also keep it a secret from me and Kai-chan...was pretty shitty.”

Another sigh. 

“...I’m just glad it worked out alright. That kid’s gonna have a loving father that is excited he’s alive and his son. Temp and I have gotten started on a sort of ‘Dad Club’, and so far, it’s just being excited about all the stuff we’ve gotten ready for our kids.”

“...yeah…” Maki blinked into her arms, “How did Kaito take the news?”

“You have many things to spar about, when you two are finally ready to talk about stuff.” Shuichi grumbled, “But as for the baby itself? Kaito named him Bonus. Obviously that won’t be his actual name, but Kaito sometimes seemed excited at the idea of watching after him, before we were certain we could find someone we’d approve for adoption. I think he was getting attached.”

“Bonus… that’s a kind name. I’m glad for that…. Temp’s the emo pretty-boy looking one, right?”

“Mmhm.”

“...what’s the status of-”

“I don’t know. I don’t care. I gave that to Kato too.” Shuichi said, looking frustrated, “As far as I’m concerned, they’re not a factor in our lives anymore. I don’t care what happens to them by this point.”

Maki nodded silently.

Kokichi was quiet. Just...contemplating. Not quite lamenting. But...maybe somewhere nearby. “...Maki-chan’s taken on a lot of burdens. So many. Too many…”

“...you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But I’ll listen if you do.”

“...I don’t know what to say.” Maki said quietly.

“Come to therapy with us.”

“No.”

“I’m going to tell Kaito to tell you to come to therapy with us.”

Maki frowned at that. “... I don’t want to go.”

“I know.” Suichi said, “Come anyway. It helps.”

“I just want ice cream… and more cold medicine.”

“You have pneumonia. You’re not taking cold medicine. What do you think you’re taking?”

“I don’t know and I don’t want to know.”

“One of the many reasons you need therapy.”

“Noooooo.” Maki muttered, “Ice cream.”

As if on cue, Kaito opened the door, a bag from a local ice cream store, “Alright, I’m back. The kitchen didn’t have sprinkles, so I had to make  run-”

“Yesssss.” Maki whispered, “Bend to my will, universe.”

“It helps a lot,” Kokichi said, softer than he had been speaking before. “To hear other people, and to find your own words. You’ve been through a lot. That’s what therapy’s for.”

Hopefully Maki wouldn’t fight it every step of the way. Maybe it was too scary a comparison to the torture they’d been through, but...if you at least played along? Then therapy really did help. It wasn’t an exact conversion of getting what you put into it, but...it was close. 

If you didn’t want to be helped, then there wasn’t much even the best therapist could do for you. 

...hopefully Maki would want to feel better. 

Kokichi looked up when the door opened, and his eyes trained eagerly on the bag, though he snorted softly at Maki’s whisper. Pushing himself back up to sit, Kokichi grinned. “Thanks, Kai-chan. You’re the best. ...need a hand up, Shuu-chan?”

“Oh no, do I have to get up to eat ice cream?” Shuichi groaned. “Tragedy… yes please.”

As Kokichi helped Shuichi up, Maki sat up as well, leaning her back against the bed, as accepting the ice cream handed to her as Kato passed them around. It was exactly what she asked for, perfect in every way. She stared at it, before looking up at Kaito, “Thank you, Kaito.”

“Yeah, of course Maki.” Kaito said, looking significantly calmer now. Sitting on the floor with them, he took his own bowl of ice cream out too-- simple vanilla laced with some sort of raspberry jam and nuts on the top, and asked, “What were you all talking about while I was gone? Anything fun?”

Kokichi, after helping Shuuichi up and rubbing his back a little, eagerly started to dig into his strawberry ice cream, a pure ice cream experience without any accoutrements. And...he paused at Kaito’s question. Not sure if they wanted to get into it when Maki and Kaito couldn’t actually get into it.

“Mm, one fun thing, at least,” he hummed. “We were tellin’ Maki-chan how Temp adopted Bonus, and all that stuff. Oh, and actually...I dunno if you’ve done more than peeked into the nursery, Maki-chan, but I actually painted another crib like the one I did for Miya, and Temp accepted it since, yanno, I did make it for Bonus. I’m pretty proud of it, actually.”

“I haven't been in the nursery yet, no. I’d like to take a peek after ice cream.”

Kaito’s brow furrowed-- ah, they had gone into Bonus, huh? Maki had a lot of things to answer for there… but it wasn’t something he was ready to talk about with her, and instead said, “Almost time for all of that… almost. Bonus will get here… a few weeks after Miya, if all goes right. Miya a month from now… it’s all happening soon. My gut goes into knots just thinking about it.”

“Oh…” Shuichi turned to Maki, smiling softly, “I haven't mentioned. She moves around now. A lot. Do you wanna feel?”

Maki’s eyes widened slightly at that, but she nodded and scooted over, Shuich accommodatingly lifting his shirt, Maki putting a gentle hand on it.

...it took a second but… Maki felt what she suspected were little feet, pressing themselves against Shuichi’s wall… a shift in a small body…

...she had made it back in time.

She had actually done it.

“Hello, Miyako.” Maki whispered, “We haven't had a chance to formally meet yet. I’m your Aunt Maki… I’m…”

She hesitated. Words she wanted to say. Swears she wanted to give. Vows.

...but it still hurt too much. Yet. To make decisions with impact. So instead she just said, “I’m very happy to be here with you.”

It was so soon… Miya wasn’t just some...far off concept that, shit, better get your act together because in a few months you’ll have a brand new person that’s going to completely rely on you!! And all that last stuff was still true, but...Kokichi had so much more of a clear picture in his mind, and it wasn’t far off at all. His little daughter was going to come out into the world in a month…

Kokichi smiled adoringly as he watched Maki talk to Miyako for...the first time since Miyako could register sounds, in however you wanted to define a fetus registering sounds. Maki was going to be there for her niece’s birth. When they finalized their plans for the hospital...she was going to be a part of them. 

He was probably looking like an idiot, with how he was grinning at his friend and boyfriend, but Kokichi didn’t care too much. Their family was back together, and ready for their latest member to arrive. 

-

(⌐▨_▨)

Chibi Kaito stared dramatically across the rough, dusty landscape, the dry clay cracked and chipping beneath his feet, the wooden buildings crudely and swiftly built on either side. Chibi Kaito was wearing a flowing, billowing black cape, the edges worn and frayed, dark glasses to protect his eyes from that massive, blistering sun, and a cowboy hat. A black cowboy hat.

On his hip, holstered, was a sword, and a whip, and nothing else, because guns don’t exist yet. 

...it was high noon.

Time for his duel with the town sheriff…. (at least according to the memory of the book Kokichi had read, which was what he and Chibi Kokichi were currently playing around in.)

He opened his mouth, and a demanding, insistent bell sound came out.

Get out here, sherriff!

It’s time to meet your maker!

As he sat on his bed, Kokichi had a bit of a bemused look on his face as he...well, felt, more than saw, the game the chibis had been getting up to. He was glad they were having fun. Honestly, it was probably the best sort of playing pretend that there was, since the chibis had the full catalog of Kokichi’s imagination and memories to pull actual setting and props from. If Kokichi could play around in any book he’d read, well, he might really be in danger of getting stuck in his head. 

But at least for now, he could leave the chibis alone--no memory fetch quests tonight. Kokichi had been feeling good for a bit, but...it was just a cautious grace period, more than anything else. He was feeling back in form, and while he knew that Alter Ego and Temp’s words on now not really being a good time to continue their experiments, considering Miya and Bonus were getting so close to being born, and it would suck to leave someone in the lurch if they couldn’t be monitored well...there was still some stuff they could do. 

And it was about time to get the Psychonaut Club back together. Maybe with a better name. 

Leaving Chibi Kaito and Chibi Kokichi be, though Chibi Kaito would likely be able to feel some people coming in, Kokichi sent out an invitation to his friend and mentor, changing the scenery of his room to the west garden, one of the tables set up for company. 

It was Temp who showed up first this time, though… he looked around, a bit surprised. Usually when he came to visit Kokichi, he ended up right in his mind. But… nice. Kokichi’s lobby was fully back. Temp pressed against the ‘walls’ of Kokichi’s lobby, and while it wouldn’t be impossible for him to break in, but… it would take a good push of effort. Nice. 

Politely, Temp knocked on the door. “Kokichi? It’s Temp. May I-AGUH!”

(▼皿▼ﾒ)ﾉ!!!

Alter Ego stepped into the lobby, though they could walk through the door just fine with their key, and watched with some amusement as a cowboy dressed chibi held onto a dark haired pretty-boy, apparently… attacking him? Maybe? “Kokichi,” Alter Ego called into the inner parts of Kokichi’s mind, “Your ‘defense’ needs a little finetuning. I think he might be overly excited.”

♪♩ PROTECT THE HOMELAND!♩

Opening a door into the void, Kokichi sighed as he lightly jogged over to Temp, catching Chibi Kaito around the middle amid one of his ‘attacks’. “Sorry, Temp!”

Giving Chibi Kaito a lightly reprimanding look, Kokichi frowned. “C’mon, you know Temp… You know I’m here too, and you barely even waited for Temp to knock; we’ve talked about this…”

...they talked about it a lot, honestly. Revamping his security and monitoring measures was...kind of a constant work in progress. 

Giving his friends a sheepish look, Kokichi turned to step back into the garden, inviting them in. “Thanks for coming. It’s even our regular day...even if it’s been a while. I’m not here to insist we pick up right where we left off, but...I was hoping we could talk?”

“Of course,” Temp said, uninjured, but needing to fix his hair, which he did with a quick swift with his hands, in his ceremonial robes, taking a seat at the table in the garden.  Alter Ego, in turn, jumped onto the table, licking at their paw a bit, watching in amusement as Chibi Kaito struggled a little in Kokichi’s arms, before realizing where he was.

(⌐■_■)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(ﾉ^∇^)ﾉﾟ♪

Alter Ego knew the mechanism was doing it’s best. But the more complicated the mechanism (slash defense) was, the more difficult it could be to get it working just right… which was why they should talk about-- “Before anything, has any of us checked on the defenses we put in Kaito and Shuichi in the last few weeks? I’ve checked on Shuichi once since our last group outing, and everything was working well, but we might want to check on them again after all this time.”

“Before that…” Temp looked around at the strong, vibrant landscape, thinking of the solid lobby… still. “How are you feeling these days, Kokichi? You seem a lot better.”

Kokichi shook his head in slight exasperation, but set Chibi Kaito down in his lap when he sat at the garden table. The little creature would be free to go back and play with Chibi Kokichi some more, but he was welcome to stay for a bit with Big Kokichi too. 

They had a lot to catch up on, but it seemed the first order of business was more or less the one he’d anticipated. Nodding brightly, Kokichi grinned at his friend. “I am a lot better. In the physical world, I can walk around with no problem now, and mentally...well,” he sent a pointed look to Chibi Kaito, “There are some things I’ve been working on, but I’m at the point I can work on them. I’m feeling good and energized.”

“...though, I haven’t dived in to check on Kai-chan and Shuu-chan lately,” he sent a slightly guilty look to Alter Ego. “I haven’t felt any distress that wasn’t very explainable, so that’s good! But I haven’t gone to check…” Frowning slightly, Kokichi just decided to bring up his main concern. “It might just be...how things are now? But Shuu-chan’s a bit slower to remember little details now. The kinds of things that he’d have to search for in his library, and not, yanno, regular memories. I still think it might warrant checking in on Griffin, though…”

“Oh,” he added, giving Temp a nod, “And thanks for talking with my dad. I still don’t really believe it, but...it’s in my mind now.”

“That went surprisingly smoothly, actually. Your fathers very clearly familiar with all of this, if only in passing.” The Templar informed Kokichi, taking in the view, “And honestly, I feel considerably better about your chances of getting through any early baby empath issues, even if you’re not up to speed yet. He’s really unflustered by all this stuff.”

“Thank whichever god you want to for that.” Alter Ego sighed, giving Chibi Kaito a knowing look as he said, “That crazy bird thing you did as a baby haunts my nightmares. Somehow I think your partners wouldn’t be as unphased in a similar situation.”

s(・｀ヘ´・；) Chibi Kait glared at Alter Ego, not appreciating the cat insinuating that he-- or, rather, big him-- him would handle a seemingly suicidal massive bird attack with anything less than total dignity and grace.

Besides, birds were assholes. Miyako accidently mass slaughtering them would only be a little traumatizing! Obviously!

...hmmm… he really should get back to Chibi Kokichi soon. He had left the dual right in the middle of it! Like a coward.

(Besides, he was excited for Chibi Kokichi to get to use the whip… though, knowing his smaller husband, he might try to ‘talk it out’, regardless of how the scene in the book went. Sigh.)

“Shuichi’s having some memory issues… enough to be alarmed?” Alter Ego asked.

“That’s my dad for you,” Kokichi lightly chuckled, though...honestly, he was deeply relieved. Shuuichi would find out relatively soon, and Kokichi would remember eventually, and...one day, Maki would remember more dragon stuff and he would tell Kaito...but from the very beginning Ikuo would know. And he would be a lifesaver for them. 

...ugh, if Miyako got curious about Shuuichi’s snake? Kaito might actually lose it from worry. That was something to keep an eye on. 

Shaking his head a little, Kokichi got more serious. “I don’t think so, both in that I think he’s just more confused than alarmed, and I don’t think it’s too alarming. I couldn’t remember the name of a guy Maki-chan met in town and it took until the conversation moved on to another topic for Shuuichi to remember, which is quite a bit longer than it would usually take him to remember something like that. Kai-chan made a joke about him losing his touch, but I don’t think anyone really thought it was particularly weird.”

“Still...I think that’s an indication that it’s worth checking up on,” Kokichi nodded in earnest. 

“Very well. We should do that in a group. Hopefully it won’t take too long.” Alter Ego said, stretching out on the table, a small bowl of milk nicely laid out for them. “I know you’re feeling strong now, Kokichi, but I’d rather not test it too hard for awhile. Considering the upcoming birth, better safe than sorry, when it comes to being there for the birth of your child.”

“Agreed.” Temp sighed, “All of that will be coming to a head soon. We’ll wait until things are settled more to start taking real risks again… oh! That reminds me, I have to show waking you an infant park I found. It’s literally for infants. It’s adorable… but I digress.” he laughed, shaking his head a little, “What about Kaito? Any concerning behavior?”

Kokichi nodded in agreement and...well, he accepted that. It was partly why he had only been doing things in his own mind, even after he felt like he was good to go. Other than he just felt weird intruding on his partners’ minds, he just...wanted a safety net before checking in. Just in case. There was no way he was going to miss Miyako’s birth. 

While Kokichi looked quite intrigued at Temp’s new topic for Dad Club, the next order of business...was…

“...I mean… Nothing that I think is connected to his defence or conditioning,” Kokichi deeply sighed, looking...tired as he ran a hand through his hair. “Last Sunday, on Devoted’s Day, Maki-chan came home. It’s great, but...she and Kai-chan haven’t been able to talk like they need to and...I really don’t know what’s going to happen. If there’s even a way to settle what’s between them. So...Kai-chan’s kinda...on edge. We recently had a pretty tough therapy session too, so he might still be kinda raw from that.”

“That sort of sounds like just… real life issues, rather than mechanism errors.” Temp observed, leaning back in his chair. “...but it sounds tough. Is everything alright?”

Alter Ego also looked concerned, Kokichi’s friends doing the other thing they did as a group… which was, well, being friends. And listening when it sounded like one of their own was going through a Thing.

“Yeah… So I think after my last intervention, things have been okay, mechanism-wise.” Just not...in any other way. 

For a moment Kokichi just sat there, looking kind of stressed, before he gave his friends a look that was equally thankful and worried. “...I don’t think things are okay. But...I don’t think there’s anything to do about it right now. Not until Maki-chan gets better and she and Kai-chan figure out a way to talk… And Shuu-chan and I have both said that we think Maki-chan should come to therapy with us, but...I mean, we can’t force her. I just...want to hope that she wants to feel better.”

Then, Kokichi dropped his head into his hands, elbows up on the table. “...she was in such a bad state… Injuries all over, she got pneumonia, she was malnourished… She went non-stop from Luminary to come back… I… She can’t have remembered the deal… But I think even with the things she did in the physical world...I think she’s trying to punish herself for it…”

Alter Ego let out a huff, “That is a lot. It’s never simple with you guys, is it… but you lot have come back from difficult things before. You have a talent, for picking yourselves up and moving on. Somehow I doubt the dragon of your group is going to be the one to drop the ball.”

“She’s really only… sort of a dragon. I mean, she is. In a very serious way, her soul literally is a dragon, with all the abilities that come with that, I believe… but she’s also just a girl who’s had what sounds like a very difficult couple of months.” The Templar sighed slightly, giving Kokichi a compassionate look. “I can’t imagine it’s easy to watch her put herself through the ringer… and while there’s always tragic exceptions, I can tell you from several lives worth of experience, sometimes people just need time to process the difficult things they’ve been through, before they can reach out to help. Some processing takes longer than others, but… I’d say most people do manage to do it. And your friend is…”

He paused, “...I use the word ‘exceptional’ in the way it’s meant to be used. But most people can’t maintain the level of passion or commitment she’s displayed, not long term. It wears them down to their literal core... She probably definitely needs therapy, but… honestly, she might just straight up need a nap.”

“Are you prescribing napping for self-loathing and trauma, ‘Doctor’ Templar?” Alter Ego said somewhat sarcastically.

“Doctor ‘The’ Templar.” Temp responded, taking the snide remark in stride, as he continued, “I’m just saying from experience. Everyone’s different, but Maki’s personality type, for being what she is? Even outside of the dragon factor? She may be less depressed and more deeply exhausted. Rest might help.”

With another deep, deep sigh, Kokichi lowered his arms and head. “...I hope so. And she definitely needs rest for the physical stuff too. I do think she’ll ultimately be alright...even if I have no idea what’s gonna happen between her and Kai-chan, but...it sucks knowing that she’s in such a bad spot. Even if it’s the most understandable thing in the world…”

“...but, yeah. Shuu-chan and I are giving our support where we can, but I think...we just have to wait. ...hopefully she will agree to come to therapy, though. Even without these last few months, I think it could do her good. It’s doing us all a lot of good.”

After a moment, he looked up at Temp with a small smile. “...she seemed happy that you’re adopting your kid. Not really you specifically, ‘cause she never really knew you, but...that someone that we trust and thinks is a good fit for a parent is.”

“That’s good. I imagine we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other in the future.” Temp smiled softly, in regards to Maki, “A bunch of playdates in the future to get to know each other over. Watching them try to navigate an infant obstacle course, Kokichi. Seriously, I cannot stress enough how cute this little thing was. You’re going to lose it when you see it.”

Alter Ego stood up and stretched, “I’ll enjoy watching that memory. I’m sure it’ll be cute. Alright… Kaito sounds good, if stressed. Maki... “ the white cat tilted their head a little, “Bathul said her conditioning was basically finished the second he unleashed her dragon side. While I’m maybe foolish to distrust the word of a god… any concerns there? Has she been following conditioning, now that she’s returned home?”

Kokichi’s smile grew, looking forward to having that conversation in the physical world. Kaito was going to lose his damn mind over a baby obstacle course...after absolutely making sure that it was safe. 

Hmmm...they’d put together the nursery to be baby proof, but they should probably baby-proof their room soon too. 

Giving Alter Ego a soft look, Kokichi shook his head. “Not that I’ve noticed, but...I mean, we don’t really ever try to trigger it. Kai-chan...does sometimes, but...even with how mad he is, I don’t think he’d do that to her. It’s really crossing a line…”

Alter Ego considered that… “...I guess just keep an eye out for it. Normally this is where I’d argue we should trip it ourselves, but… Temp is still right. Maki’s mind is a risk. I doubt she’d hurt you, Kokichi, as she seems to greatly care about you… but Temp and myself don’t have that same guarantee. Better safe than sorry, again, when it comes to serious damage like that.”

“So!” The Templar said, standing up, “To Shuichi, then? Check in on Griffon, make certain that’s not going to become a bigger issue than it already is?”

“Alright… I mean...I’ve always made a note of it just generally, so I’ll definitely be able to dissect it later if something happens.” Always and forever, he was going to look out for his friends. Even when it entailed facing down a dragon in their own mind. 

Picking up Chibi Kaito and gently setting him down back on Kokichi’s seat, Kokichi stood up as well. “Yeah! Let’s head out. Hopefully it’s nothing…”

Taking a breath, Kokichi focused for a moment, making a portal to Shuuichi’s mind...and squared his shoulders for Alter Ego to sit on, not wanting his mentor to have to get all soggy once again. 

（（●´∧｀●））

Awww… was Big Kokichi leaving already? He just got here…

… (・д・)

(・д・)ﾉ●-●

(⌐■_■)

Time to return to his smaller husband then. To the dual!

-

Griffin was flying around, tidying up, keeping busy, humming lightly under their breath as they did so. It helped to keep things clean and organized, in the massive archive, if only to refine and refine again their familiarity and comprehensive with the whole of Shuichi’s knowledge. Plus, it was just good to keep busy. They had to be a good assistant! Shuichi was putting his faith in them! 

There was a sudden… smell, was the easiest way to put it. Something foriegn. Unusual and other… they glanced down at their spot from the sky. Oh!

Swooping down, they gave a sharp, too wide smile to the group of new people who had just walked in from the catacombs, their feet still wet as the small, colorful frogs chirped in the distance, Alter Ego watching his creation land in front of them from Kokichi’s shoulders as they said, “Welcome! Welcome back!” far too happily for a moment, before landing, a professional courtesy suddenly seizing their body, respectfully lowering their head and eyes and crossing their hands in front of their waists as they bowed slightly, “I’m assuming you’re here to check in on Mister Shuichi?” 

They laughed lightly, rasing their head again, some of their professional seriousness easing as they said, “Unless you mean to steal some information from his mind-” there was a… sharpness, both in teeth and the expression itself, as they smiled at them, “-I am of course a mechanism, not a full defense, so I’m certain I’d find restraining you from doing so difficult. But I may feel compelled to try.”

Well, everything wasn’t melting, so that was already a good sign as compared to the last time Kokichi checked in for something like this. The room was clean and organized--as far as Kokichi could tell, and that was mostly due to the fact that books were on shelves, and there wasn’t a sort of...feeling of mayhem around--and...it honestly didn’t seem that different upon first look to how it was the last time they had been there. So...good!

“Hi, Griffin!” Kokichi politely gave them a nod back, smiling a little at the playful, but serious threat. Also a good sign. “No, we’re not here to take any information from Shuu-chan. We were hoping to talk with you, actually. How things have been, and if there’ve been any issues. As you know, this is all still rather new, so we wanna make sure Shuu-chan’s safe and you have all the tools you need to keep him that way.”

“I guess first...has his conditioning been triggered since you’ve been here? If so, how did that go?”

“Of course. I now have full access to all the rational information Shuichi has, along with memory from Chihiro, and Maki’s focus, so I sort of assumed I’d see you all a few more times before long. Not that you have to be a genius to figure that out…” Griffin pointed out, rocking slightly on her feet… before smirking, “But I am one. Objectively. I’m pretty sure. In my own incredibly un-humble opinion.”

Looking around, smiling happily at their progress, they nodded along to Kokichi’s question, and said immediately after his final one, “Oh, all the time. Constantly! It’s almost a daily thing. I think his conditioning is getting more aggressive, trying to self-correct. I say ‘Think’ because that feels polite, but I know that’s what’s happening.”

Alter Ego’s eyes widened at this… before cocking their head, “Explain.”

Griffin laughed, before looking around… “I might not have too. Shuichi and Kaito both can’t sleep and are talking about celebrities they remember from their childhood who dated each other, and I’m pretty sure Kaito’s about to ask Shuichi if he remembers what year Justin and Rachel broke up… wait for it...”

Kokichi smiled a bit at Griffin’s confidence, but his eyes widened right along with his mentor’s. Constantly? Considering how rare it had seemed to trigger Shuuichi’s conditioning… Well, he hadn’t noticed Shuuichi tunnel vision-ing, and Shuuichi himself said that it hadn’t happened in a long time, so Griffin was at least keeping him safe from his conditioning. But...was there another effect if it was happening all the time? Would that be alright for Shuuichi?

These worrying thoughts biting at his head, Kokichi chewed on the inside of his cheek as he looked around, everything calm one moment…

Griffin’s smile went wide and viscous, as suddenly, shadows started to form on the floor and wall.

“Show time.”

They flew up, just in time to dodge a dark hand swinging out to swap at their legs, the hands on the walls shooting out and trying to follow them through the air as they flew through the archives, heading up to where they knew Shuichi’s knowledge of celebrity dates were. They spun and twirled as the hands shot out, trying again and again…

One grabbed their arm, and Griffin flexed their hands, the fingers turning into hard, dark talon claws, and they scratched at the hand, before escaping it’s grip, heading to the correct shelf. 

Taking out the right binder, Griffin hummed, before spinning, slashing their claws at more hands, before checking the binder again, “....mmmm….”

-

Shuichi blinked. “...our freshman year of highschool. I’m pretty sure.”

“Oh, right.” Kaito grinned, kissing Shuichi’s cheek, both of them keeping their voice low to not wake Kokichi, “My little genius.”

Shuichi laughed lightly, rolling his eyes.

-

“Ha! Got it… yeah, that’s right! Fuck off. Losers.” Griffin snickered, watching the shadows retreat, before putting the binder away, and heading back down to the group. Landing, their mannerisms again became professional and submissive, smiling sweetly as they said, “Yes. A lot of that. It slows me down a little, but otherwise, they’re incredibly ineffective, and get more ineffective every day… but they also multiply a little more every day.”

“...Interesting.” Temp mused, looking around, “What metaphor are we looking at here?”

Hmmm… So, thankfully it didn’t look like Griffin getting a harmful idea. And...maybe a little bit of slowness was just going to be the price of stopping Shuuichi’s conditioning. Except...Griffin wasn’t really stopping it; just bypassing it, which, in fairness, was really, really good. 

So how…

Kokichi hummed, looking around the library a little more, even though he knew the shadow hands weren’t actually physically lying in wait. “...it’s the same thing, but just...different stats. Like how you can have the same area of a rectangle, but its width and length can be radically different. Instead of being one, big overwhelming creature...that Griffin would be able to bypass completely…” Kokichi narrowed his eyes, “It’s a lot of tiny, annoying ones that can’t hurt you...but they can reach you.”

“...the conditioning is fighting a losing battle, but...it’s still adapting on the fly. Trying to gain any sort of advantage it can.”

Kokichi took a few, slow steps around the room, not really looking for anything in particular, but tapping his lips, deep in thought. “...it’s like rats. Damage just through numbers.”

Alter Ego also considered the walls, their tail flicking a bit as they thought… “We knew conditioning was versatile and flexible. Empaths wouldn’t have such difficulty breaking it if it wasn’t. If anything, this is all an excellent sign that our method works long term. The conditioning changes and evolves to fulfil its purpose, but Griffin’s methods of dealing with it seems to be adapting at just as quick a rate.”

“Shuichi’s type of conditioning is arguably a little easier to adapt to than Kaito’s, though my belief in that is biased.” The Templar confessed, “We were able to create a defense that’s very specifically suited for his symptoms. His conditioning was all focused on one part of his consciousness, his knowledge, and it’s method of abuse was brute forcing Shuichi to focus entirely and immediately on giving that information away to anyone it ‘belonged’ to.”

“I think one reason we’re having more issues with Kaito’s defense being too creative versus Griffin is because we’re not as certain what the actual ‘conditions’ of Kaito’s conditioning was. Kokichi made Saint Madison with the specific order of ‘protect him from outside influence’, if I understand it right. Which is all well and good, but I think we left Kaito’s defense to figure out what that actually meant on her own. Which made her flexible enough to even discover she could cut through his conditioning on her own in the first place, but it’s still a huge amount of trial and error for her. Griffin, however, knew what they were supposed to be doing and what to focus on immediately.” Temp finished, “Which seems to be going much more smoothly.”

“So, I guess the question becomes, which method is actually more helpful in the long run? Condition defenses that run on independent trial and error, or condition defenses put in place once the empath knows the exact range of the conditioning symptoms and can make an informed defense for that specifically…” Alter Ego mused, hopping off Kokichi’s shoulder and looking back at him, “Any thoughts?”

Kokichi nodded slightly, and as worried as he was...there really might not be anything to actually do. Griffin wasn’t struggling, and an extra minute or two to remember more obscure information wasn’t going to hurt Shuuichi. If the conditioning adapted again and became something Griffin couldn’t deal with? Then that was another story, but until then...this might just be a cursory maintenance check-in. 

Admittedly, Saint Madison wasn’t made with...the most careful thought. But Kokichi hadn’t even made her with the purpose of fighting back Kaito’s conditioning, and for the first independent defence to be able to do that? Kokichi was pretty proud. But it did mean that they would have to check in more, and for more pressing reasons. 

Sighing, Kokichi ran a hand through his hair and tousled the back a bit. “I think if it’s possible to make a mechanism like Griffin? Then that’s the goal to aim for. But...if you can’t figure out the exact measures that someone’s conditioning runs on, or if you have to dig into things that would harm the person, or that they just don’t want you looking at...then I think that’s where you’d have to get creative, and hope your mechanism’s trial and error tests go well...though, ideally, you’d check in to make sure.”

“If conditioning works so differently for people, and, yanno, people are so wildly different themselves, then I think different types of defences would work better for different people.” Sighing again, Kokichi shrugged. “I think between Saint Madison and Griffin, though, we can explain a pretty good range to people, when the time comes.”

“Ah, yes, explaining it… we really do have a long road ahead of us. Kaito and Shuichi are useful starts, but we need to prove our concepts so many more times before we can give it to the rest of the community. Once everyone knows about it? The empath community is going to need to be able to work quickly and with certainty, in order to effectively beat back the attempts to disrupt their process the Flora are undoubtedly going to use. We need to give the empath community all the resources we possibly can.”

“It sounds like a difficult task.” Griffin said to the Templar, tilting their head curiously, “You’ve helped Shuichi and Kaito. Why not Maki and Timothy? If I may be so bold.”

“Timothy’s too young, we want to be more certain of our methods before him.” Alter Ego jumped in, before considering Griffin warily… and deciding, “And Maki has her own situation that needs to be handled with care.”

Griffin wasn’t directly Shuichi, in some ways that counted, but… they were still a part of him. He might not understand everything Griffin knows as Griffin themselves do, but a part of him would still recognize that new information was being presented, like having that info on the tip of his tongue. 

And Alter Ego had a feeling… that maybe it was important to make certain that there were as few people as possible to let slip that a dragon-- someone who could devour and absorb consciousness’ into themselves, effectively destroying it-- was… well. Alive and well and walking the earth tucked away in the form of a 5’4 woman with pneumonia.

“We’re holding off on further experiment for likely at the very least the next few months anyway. Which gives us plenty of time to focus on our first two, at least.” Temp finished up, looking around the archive before saying, “But I think this experiment is still going well. We’ll need to make certain the conditioning never evolves past what Griffin is capable of dealing with, but so far that seems to be handling itself perfectly fine. Excellent work, Alter Ego.” 

The cat looked surprised, and then within its fur, managed to look flustered. “Thank you.”

Right… Kokichi knew that the Flora were capable of disrupting the whole process, since that’s why Empaths were having trouble figuring out conditioning in the first place, but...he really didn’t know the scope of what they would do. And especially with Kaede shutting down the Indentured Program…

...actually...that was a point. Kokichi didn’t like Kaede but...was she in trouble of being targeted by the Flora? And just...replaced with someone who’d figure out a way to condition people anyway?

...damn. He wouldn’t even be able to reach out to her in the physical world anyway…

...one thing at a time. Kokichi was trying to help the world, but...he also had a daughter being born in a month. He would not let the big picture overshadow his family. 

Feeling a little uplifted seeing the cute moment between Temp and Alter Ego, Kokichi offered Griffin a sincere smile. “I promise...we’re not just leaving Maki-chan out to dry. It’s just...complicated. And...I don’t feel good about rooting around in a kid’s head, so when we’re ready to give Tim a defence, I want us to know enough to be as in and out as we can. Luckily he never got additional sessions, so hopefully his conditioning will be a little easier to figure out.”

Griffin nodded, “At his age? The empaths Luminary has probably barely touched him. It was likely the sort of conditioning you’d imagine just from the word itself-- brainwashing, reinforcing good behavior, that sort of thing. His second session would be where it got…” 

Griffin stilled, and then sighed. “...I shouldn't speak out of turn. Shuichi is my...I can’t find a good word. Lord. Master. Boss. Whatever you’d like to categorize it, I serve him, and I mean to do it well. But… as frustrated as he gets with Maki? Her work was important. What the Indentured Program was doing to people was monstrous. Indentured’s leave it barely being able to remember it, partly due to empath interference, partly due to emotional self defense. But… I remember. And shutting it down was worth any challenge she faced… Mister Shuichi would feel the same way, if he could remember what I can.”

They were saying all of this to Kokichi, perhaps merely taking this opportunity to speak for Shuich on a matter that Shuichi never comfortably would be able to, but would like to. Feelings he couldn’t comfortably face, convictions that frightened him. 

The Indentured Program was evil. More than the average Luminary was even really aware of. If Shuichi could truly speak freely about it? Rationally, no sacrifice was truly too great.

And thank fuck for that… Kaito had talked about how Tim was probably sent by his commander to avoid the second session, and how, even with how crazy things turned out, that had been a blessing, but...it was an even bigger one than they knew. 

Kokichi let out a sigh with the weight of all this, giving Griffin a sympathetic, but slightly apologetic look. “...it’s maddening to suffer under the burden of knowledge alone. Knowledge has so much power, but...truly, sometimes there are better things not to know. And for how awful it is knowing...I hope Shuu-chan never really remembers. Even if it would help him reconcile with Maki-chan more...I hope he doesn’t. There’s just...no going back from something like that, and I don’t even know the specifics to know that.”

His gaze softened even more. “...thank you for caring for him, Griffin.”

Griffin grinned sharply… but bowed respectfully. “Of course.”

Alter Ego stretched, “Alright, that seems sorted. Kokichi, Temp, did you two was to head back to one of our minds to discuss further? Or do you two want to head to actual sleep?”

“There...is one thing, I think I wanna talk about,” Kokichi hummed. There really wasn’t anything he could do for Kaede...but it was something to think about, at least. “Wanna head back to me? Though, it isn’t pressing or anything, so it’s cool if you wanna sleep, Temp.”

“Oh, it’s not that late yet. I can handle another hour or so. I’m not that old.” The Templar said, creating a pathway to Kokichi’s mind with a wave of his hand, stepping through.

As Alter Ego followed after, the cat said, “You’re literally… thousands? Are you thousands of years old? Or just… one thousand? Several hundred?”

“Thousands.” The Templar agreed. Before amending, “Well, almost two thousand.”

“How are you not actually insane?” Alter Ego asked, ears twitching as they entered back into the garden Kokichi had set up earlier. “I can’t even comprehend that amount of time.”

“Who says I haven't gone insane? It does happen, every now and again. However, I’ve learned an invaluable trick over time.” The Templar explained, sitting at his own seat, sighing, “I don’t actually remember most of it, usually. My memories are very carefully categorized and locked away. I have mechanisms trained specifically to find things I think I need, but unless it’s useful in some way? There are hundreds of years that I will never remember experiencing at all, simply because I looked at those memories at one point, decided I didn’t want to keep them for sentimental or general useful purposes, and locked them away. In all? I’ve found four hundred years is the most I can comfortably remember idly, without losing my mind in some way… which does make aging interesting. In a hundred years? Out of the five hundred years I remember? I will once again have to cull. Lock away another hundred years…” 

“...that sounds difficult.” Alter Ego said softly.

“It’s a terrible way to live.” The Templar agreed, “My service to Bathul is a sacrifice, not a blessing. But it’s a sacrifice he made of me for good reason, and not something I will have to do forever. Someday, I will not be able to bear it anymore. When that happens? Bathul and I will find someone willing to take up my burden for me, and I will finally be allowed to return to my base essence, recycled into the universe. So far I have been strong, not wanting others to take my burdens… but I will not be able to last forever… till then? I find starting families every now and again helps. Raising Addason will give my life new focus.”

“...Addason…” Alter Ego narrowed his eyes, “...Add-A-Son? Seriously?”

“I thought it’d be fun to play on ‘Bonus’.” Temp smirked, “His short name will be Addie. What do you think?”

“Terrible.”

“Well who asked you.”

Kokichi stepped through the portal, this time sending Chibi Kaito a “note” that things were a-okay--though...they really needed to find a better system for all this… Back to the drawing board it was. 

Though, as Temp began to explain the actuality of his life… Kokichi could barely even...think about a span of time that long. And…”only” having four hundred years’ worth of memory??? But at the same time...not even a fourth of your life remembered… All sorts of little moments that never really amounted to much, but were still times you had, just...gone. And more and more of those having to be locked away the longer you lived…

...that was the scale gods worked on. The realities of immortality, and rebirthing dragons into people. No wonder they couldn’t do anything about the minutiae of human lives. Or...any sort of living thing’s life. 

Kokichi sat back in his seat, just...kind of absorbing all that, but he glanced up sharply as some very important news came up. A burgeoning smile crept up on Kokichi’s face as he sat up towards Temp. “You chose a name? Ahhh!!! Temp, that’s so exciting! Addason...that’s great.”

And it was, even with the joke. It was playful fun at love, all the way through.

Giggling, Kokichi gave his friend another grin. “You have to tell me when you tell me about the baby obstacle course.”

“I only came up with it a few days ago, but yes. I will.” Temp smirked, clearly incredibly pleased with himself. “Miya and Addie… hopefully they will be fast friends. Because those names together are adorable.”

“Ugh, new parents.” Alter Ego rolled their eyes, before saying, “Kokichi? There’s something on your mind?”

As fun as Dad Club was, that was something he and Temp could do in the physical world. What he wanted to talk about couldn’t be had anywhere else.

Sighing softly, Kokichi nodded, the smile fading from his face. “Yeah… You were talking about the Flora’s retaliation and… I mean, Kaede shutting down the program is a huge deal for them. Is she...and I guess that Naegi guy Maki-chan was talking about, are they in...particular Flora-danger? Luminary just fought a war over this… It would be devastating for the Flora to just...somehow instate someone who would keep the conditioning up in another way.”

“...I know I’m not in a position to do anything about it. But...I still think it’s something to discuss…”

Temp, at this, shrugged. “I haven't looked into it in any way. I can give some guesses based on things like this that have happened historically, but it’s all outsider conjecture. I made a mistake of becoming too powerful and influential at one point, the kind of person involved in such matters? Worst thing I could have possibly done. Secrets of my immortality was constantly at risk, and I made more mistakes than I ever helped anything. Global politics, it turns out, is not something I have a gift in.” Temp said, and while he said this dismissively, there was something grim in his tone. Certain important days from that time in his memory, lessons learned, that he chose to keep.

Alter Ego sighed, tail twitching. “...I’m afraid all I have are guesses as well, though we can discuss those. I know my shards all have different ideas for what might be happening there, but none of them really know. It’s just guesses based on their experiences, which don’t really… compare. To actual big decision politics.”

“I think the most revealing question to ask… is if Luminary was as huge of a necessary resource as Flora has always historically treated it?” Temp asked, raising an eyebrow, “And we have no reason to believe otherwise… why hasn’t Flora not already done something about this? We know for a fact that Flora had still widening their reach for seedlings, because Byakuya was planning to expand the indentured program, and one of the main purposes of the indentured program was to send a percentage of the indentured people to Flora for their uses… so they still want those seedlings, surely?”

“Not if that wasn’t a push by the Flora themselves.” Alter Ego mused, “Byakuya was trying to enrich the country, wasn’t he? Or did I misunderstand that? He might have decided to start outsourcing the Indentured Program entirely on his own, without Flora influence at all. So it might not matter to them that they lost those resources.”

Kokichi nodded understandingly. Politics, when you were actually trying to help people...was incredibly difficult. Having to protect yourself and your secrets too while you were trying to figure it out? Kokichi couldn’t imagine that kind of stress. Though...once he remembered he was supposed to be keeping a secret, in the form of his Empathy, his daughter’s species, and Maki’s identity...he might get a clue. 

Until the Flora did something that they could trace back, pretty much everything would be speculation, but...Alter Ego had a point. It was clearly the Flora’s vested interest to keep the program, so...why hadn’t they stopped the revolution? It couldn’t have been relying on the Remnants’ activities, since that was already going down even in Luminary by the tail end of the war. So...what were they…

Kokichi shook his head a little, tapping the side of his mouth. “I don’t think we’ll ever really know which of Byakuya’s decisions were motivated by the Flora since...well, it’s not as if anyone’s gonna be candid about that. But as far as my understanding was, he was trying to expand the program to get more money and capital for Luminary’s economy so they could buy food and resources to prevent the worst of the damage the famine’s gonna cause. Which...also in part is because Danganronpa has such shitty trades with Luminary, so they can’t depend on being able to afford food from them.”

“...it makes no sense that they wouldn’t try to back Byakuya in the war, or that the Remnants wouldn’t have another surge… I don’t…” Kokichi narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “...there’s no way Queen Enoshima has just decided to leave other countries alone. I don’t trust this…”

“I wish we could talk to someone more informed about all of that than us, if only for my own curiosity… and to be prepared, if something big is coming. Things that could affect all of us, not just Luminary.” Temp sighed, before noticing Alter Ego’s look, “What? You’ve said before that Hiro is in an optimal position to not be terribly affected by global trade, so long as trade still happens at all.”

“My shards…” Alter Ego bristled, “Nevermind. There’s not much we can do about any of it, but knowledge might still be useful, if only to protect who we can with advanced warnings. Including ourselves. Though...I really can’t think who would know more…” Alter Ego cocked their head, “Beyond the Flora themselves, and I’m certain none of them are going to talk about it.”

“And the ones who would aren’t connected to the hive mind, so I doubt they know anything… is it possible the Luminary royal family would know? They might be as just in the dark about Flora intentions as anyone else… if only we knew of anyone either with insider knowledge, the ability to talk to us in private, or maybe just capable of digging that information better than us. More resources, experience, that sort of thing…”

Alter Ego raised a kitty eyebrow, “Are you thinking of anyone in particular?”

Temp laughed, “Did all of that sound leading? No. That’s literally just my wishful thinking being said aloud.”

That was just it, huh. Ambassador Tsumugi obviously didn’t hate all humans, considering her daughter, but...who knew how much she was in the know of the queen’s greater plans, and even if she did know something, there was no way she’d fess up to it. However she felt about Queen Enoshima, even from a human perspective she was still employed by her. 

And...anyone who would just be able to find out about stuff… Kokichi’s knowledge of people who knew about the magic side of the world was growing, but so far there wasn’t someone who fit the bill. 

...so...they were stuck. 

“...Byakuya still isn’t accepting calls and isn’t writing back to Kai-chan,” Kokichi sighed. “And Aiichi’s sent official recognition to Luminary, but we haven’t had any business meetings yet… There could be reason for me to talk to Kaede one-on-one, but...I don’t even know how to broach that subject safely, let alone that who knows how long it’ll be before I remember enough to be in that position…”

“...I hate it, but… I think we just have to...live and be vigilant. Unless we meet someone who can find out more, or knows and would be willing to clue us in.”

“We could always sneak into Kaede’s mind and see what she knows from her…” Temp raised an eyebrow at Alter Ego’s look, “What? You do that all the time.”

“I don’t sneak anywhere, I talk to other Empaths… after I look around a little to see if they’re safe to talk to.” Alter Ego admitted, shrugging. “But that’s just being safe. And besides, unless Kaede knows enough to specifically defend herself from it? There’s no doubt her mind has a tether in it. Even if Danganronpa didn’t set up or block her ascension to the throne, there’s no way they’re leaving her to her privacy. No doubt anyone of importance in Luminary has tethers. If we’re not very careful going in and out, we can expose ourselves.”

“Right. Back to square nothing then… maybe for the best. As three people trying to stay out of Danganronpa’s line of sight? Poking around at their vague, grand plans is maybe the least helpful thing we can do.” Temp said, “If a golden goose lands in our laps, someone who can safely clue us in, like Kokichi said? Fantastic. Otherwise? It might be a non-starter.”

Kokichi frowned, not...comfortable with that. All the movers and shakers in Luminary having tethers? And...the moment someone had their name out there, then an Empath allied with the Flora, like that dickhole Tengan, could just...pop in no issue, and they would have no idea. There was no way to know how much Byakuya or Kaede would’ve even known about what the Flora were capable of...or even that they weren’t humans in the first place. There was no need to explain yourself if you just...promised power or protection in exchange for people. 

He nodded a bit to Temp settling their position, but...there was still one more thing… 

“...Um…” Kokichi started, unsure. “...I’ve actually been to Kaede’s mind before...sort of, at least. I did my shitty dream-hopping thing into her husband, Shin, and I bridged the two of them to talk. I think the Flora didn’t think it was a big deal, since nothing came of it on my end, but...still. Just...thought I should bring it up.”

Temp and Alter Ego both look mildly dumbfounded by this… but as Temp was thinking of the interesting fact that Kokichi had already spoken to Kaede, and apparently no one had come in looking for him (had Kokichi managed to shield himself? Bathul knows that the kid had managed other incomprehensibly difficult Empath abilities during his ‘unconscious’ state...), Alter Ego looked notably confused.

“...Queen Kaede’s married?” The cat made of Luminary citizens asked. “When?”

Kokichi looked at Alter Ego in mild surprise. Sure, Shin was being abused and kept on house arrest, but...the wedding hadn’t been a secret at all, from how he understood it. Diplomatic weddings tended to be really big deals. 

“She’s been married for...years? Kai-chan and the others never really said how long it’s been, but it sounds like it’s been a while, for sure. Longer than Kai-chan knew he was gonna marry me,” Kokichi explained. “She married Sou Hiyori, a cousin of the Kimigashine royal family...though, I mean, she and Shin explained that Shin was… Well, someone the real Sou Hiyori sent in his place, at the least. The union was for better diplomatic relations...and I guess that worked, since that’s the country Byakuya was trying to extend the program to.”

“...wait. The skinny teal haired kid she kept locked away in her house?” Alter Ego said, eyes widening, “That was her husband?”

Temp raised an eyebrow, “I’m sorry, what have I missed here?”

“Wow, I really… honestly. I bet I even heard someone call them husband and wife, and it just went right over my head.” Alter Ego sighed, shaking his head, “Wow, I heard nothing about that marriage when it was happening. Maybe it wasn’t public? None of my shards saw pamphlets or celebrations or anything.”

“If I say ‘please’, will someone tell me what you’re talking about?” Temp asked drly, “Pretty please.”

“I thought… okay, full disclosure? I thought Shin was some sort of concubine Kaede was keeping imprisoned in her home.” Alter Ego shrugged, “Bad? Yes. But we had sorted it out in the visit, and when I went to visit her later, she had been giving the man his freedoms back, though she was clearly nervous to do so. I thought perhaps it was some sort of love gone wrong. Overprotectiveness to the point of abuse… which, I suppose, it still was, though I’m shocked she was able to get away with it with a Prince-Consort. Hiding concubines is one thing. Hiding royalty? She must have been… very motivated to pull that off.”

“A prince from Kimigashine… but not actually. A fake sent… why did she hide him?” Temp asked.

“She gave us a few different reasons, but the two that stood out was she knew he was meant to spy on her for Byakuya’s behalf, and she was trying to cut that off at the head. And that she felt she had a duty to protect him as her bonded, and he seemed weak and spineless to her, someone who wouldn’t survive in Luminary’s deadly political climate.”

“...he was a fake, sent to Luminary from another royal family, then recruited as a spy by Luminaries family, that Kaede successfully hid and repressed for years… either he’s the unluckiest poor bastard in the world, or he’s got some sort of history that made both royal families think he was capable of pulling this gambit off. He might be a spy for Kimigashine too. He might know quite a bit about at least that side of arrangements.”

Alter Ego shook his head uncertainly, “He gave stronger ‘unlucky bastard’ vibes than ‘cunning spy’ vibes. That was one of the reasons I thought he was a concubine. He talked like he was some sort of pet to the real Sou before being chosen to be sent off due to their similar looks. I thought he was, well… sent as maybe some sort of gift to Kaede, that she decided to keep… which, again, isn’t actually all that far off…”

“It was...supremely fucked up…” Kokichi groaned, even now feeling that burn of anger in his stomach, remembering the story Shin had told him. “And...I don’t think he’s an official spy for Kimigashine, at least, and...honestly, with how controlling Kaede was, I don’t know if he would’ve been able to be a spy for the real Sou either. She might’ve figured it out, but I don’t think Queen Sara even knew that it wasn’t actually Sou who made the trip over and got married… As he explained it, Sara’s whole motivation for agreeing to the marriage was that she’d get a member of her own family in the Momota bloodline…”

“...he was willing to commit murder and treason without anything, not even a plan, for what to do afterward, just to get out. I do think he’s quite capable of subterfuge...but I don’t think that’s what he was doing at all.”

...even speaking as royalty...fuck royals were insane. Why on earth would you care about genetics when you were gonna treat the people around you like shit anyway?

Kokichi rubbed the bridge of his nose and leaned on the table with a sigh. “...I’m just glad he’s managed to get his freedoms back. I hope he’s doing alright with everything that’s going down now.”

“Ah, well...not particularly useful to us then, but I suppose it’s good you managed to help him then.” Temp said. “If only there was something… but, that’s just how it is right now. We’ll just keep our eyes open and keep listening.”

“Agreed… Kokichi.” Alter Ego stretched, “Next time we hang out, let’s just do something fun. All of this planning and subterfuge and training is prematurely graying all of my fur. I need a day off, and preferably one hanging out with you.”

Laughing softly, Kokichi reached out to scratch behind Alter Ego’s ears. “That sounds wonderful. I could do with a fun day… Things are alright at home, just tense, but...chillin’ out and doing something fun with you sounds great. Maybe I could show you what a Dicean festival is like.”

All of a sudden, Kokichi snorted, a sort of self-deprecating humor in his eyes. “Can’t show you what a strip club’s like, though. I’ll tell ya, it was...insane, learning that those just aren’t a thing in Luminary.” 

Alter Ego looked up curiously, though they leaned into head scratches, “...strip club? What, like a strip mall?”

“Pfffff.” Temp huffed, covering his mouth in amusement, giving Alter Ego an incredulous look, “...oh. Right. Luminary.”

Kokichi snorted again, though he just looked fond. “Kai-chan said the same thing. It’s not, but...I’ll tell you another time. It’s a whole adventure unto itself. One that I think he’d be mortified I’ll tell you...but he constantly asks my family for embarrassing childhood stories, so I don’t care. I’m gonna tell you this one.”

“Sounds juicy, looking forward to it.” Alter Ego laughed, shaking their little kitty head.

Temp looked at the cat, smirking, “He’ll tell you, but if later you want to see? I can show you. I’ve been to plenty, I can show you some nice ones… though, I have to ask now… how… or… do you get attracted to things? Do you swing a specific way?”

Alter Ego seemed to consider this… before shaking their head, “Not yet, I haven't. My shards all do, but that’s not something I’ve picked up from them yet. If strip clubs have to do with that question, if I’m not into it, maybe I’ll let them out to hang out with you and you can show them a good time.”

“Sounds wonderfully bizarre. I’m into it.” Temp laughed. “I’ll extend the offer to you Kokichi, if you ever want to, but are too shy about it in the real world. I certainly don’t mind.”

...oh geez. Well! He hoped Alter Ego’s shards would have a good time!

Already starting to blush, Kokichi gave Temp a crooked grin. “...I’ll think about it, but I think in the real world too...it’d be too weird without my partners. And...I think I’d just melt into the floor.”

“That said, though…” Kokichi hadn’t realized it before, but… It was probably fine, but he did have a chance now to actually know if that invitation had been wholly safe. “Uh… Do you know the Gentle Club, up on the north side, kinda? Just, like, generally...do they have a good reputation? Obviously the business hasn’t been seized, and I don’t remember it being involved with any court cases, but...on a more casual level? Is it a trustworthy place?”

“Gentle Club… oh. The place run by the succubi?” Temp said, like it was the most natural thing in the world-- and, actually, it kinda was. Almost every major city he’d ever been to had one like it-- before nodding, “Sure, I’ve never heard anything but good things about their business practice through the magical community. They're good about never taking too much from any one person, when they’re feeding, and they really push to try to pull people with massive libido’s in as repeat costumers. Which, ya know, makes sense for creatures trying to feed on sensuality. But I’ve never heard of them being… forceful. About it.”

“Are ‘strip clubs’ brothels? Is that what we’re talking about?” Alter Ego asked, still looking a little confused.

“What made you want to bring Kaito there?” Temp laughed, actually looking a little flustered, as he said, “This is maybe too personal a question, but are you trying to spice up your romance already? Pretty adventurous, for such a young couple.”

…

Succu-what?!

Kokichi’s eyes bugged, but...well, yeah, Temp’s casual endorsement helped a bunch for his nerves but… Succubi?? Lust demons? Creatures that fed and killed through sex? Though...apparently not killed, at least these ones…

“Ohmygod…” Kokichi let out a massive groan, flopping so much onto the table he almost fell right off the side of it. “He got a coupon for free dances in the mail…”

Temp raised both eyebrows… before laughing. “Oh no… Really? Kokichi, I don’t know how to tell you this… but I think some succubi might be looking at your husband as a walking buffet. From what succubi and incubi have told me? Especially if you’re holding back enough to not make their, mmm… ‘partners’? Meals, sick, then finding someone that can fill you up for a night? Without any damage? Succubi clubs zero in on that…”

Temp laughed again, shaking his head. “I knew your husband was a flirt, but wow.”

“Ohmygoooooooood…” 

Kokichi just groaned louder before huffing. “Well...I guess it’s good to know they don’t wanna hurt him. Must be a bummer, though, since he turned the coupon down…”

Temp couldn’t help but just laugh at that. “I’m sure they’re just fine. That club does well for itself… man, I wonder how many of them they thought he could feed… I’m surprised you can walk during the day, Kokichi.”

At this, Alter Ego looked scandalized, “Templar! That’s inappropriate!”

Temp laughed, “Sorry, sorry, I’m just teasing. It’s a funny situation.”

Kokichi’s face went crimson, but… It definitely was way too much information. But...there wasn’t really anyone else he talked to about it…

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, Kokichi sank into his crossed arms, mumbling softly. “...we actually… I mean… I was recovering for so long...then Maki-chan came home…”

Temp looked interested and almost smug, while Alter Ego looked continuously flustered. The Templar might be a nigh immortal being, in service to the god of Death and Trade, grim and forboding in all things… but in his off time he liked to hang out in clubs with people like Stacy and Amber.

“Oh no.” Temp snickered, giving Kokichi a half amused, half sympathetic look as he leaned against his fist, elbow on the table, “How long does that make that now...almost two months? I wonder if his balls have shriveled to dust yet.”

Alter Ego rolled his eyes at this, “No one needs it like that. Besides, there’s three people in that relationship. I can’t imagine your succubi-bait lacks opportunities.”

There was an offended bell sound beneath the table.

“...Shuu-chan isn’t really interested right now…”

Sighing, his face not really cooling any, Kokichi raised an eyebrow as he looked under the table. Sneaky hiding chibis… “Sorry, Kai-chan.”

Chibi Kaito and Chibi Kokichi were both sipping teacups too large for them underneath the table in the grass, though Chibi Kaito looked annoyed-- likely at being called succubi-bait-- while Chibi Kokichi appeared to be attempting to either hide its beat red face into the cup, or maybe drown itself in the tea. Maybe a little of both. Air bubbles popping up suggested it was groaning into the tea.

“Ah, right, pregnancy.” Temp said, as if that was all that needed clarifying, before sipping at his own tea, “... I’m actually really jealous they gave him a coupon for free dances. That club is many things, but cheap isn’t one of them. I understand why, artificial inflation of expense and being the most expensive club in town makes people automatically think of them as the ‘best’ one in town, and they have to keep their club full every night or go hungry… but still. It’s highway robbery, what they charge for a dance there. Foods good though.”

Kokichi reached down to give his chibi self an apologetic pat on the head, and then gave one to Chibi Kaito too, just to head off any jealousy, before dropping his head back on the table. “...even if I remembered, I don’t think I’d be able to convince Kai-chan to give you his coupon. I think he’s handing it off to our friend Waku, if she wants it…”

Another great sigh, before Kokichi offered a small, embarrassed grin to Alter Ego. “I’ll tell you the full story next time we hang out but...know that I’m incredibly embarrassed, and Kai-chan was incredibly embarrassed during it. God...if she knew about this kind of stuff, our therapist would be laughing her ass off.”

“Well, tell her about it. The poor woman’s doing her best to untangle your relationship, might as well give her some funny stories along with the sad ones.” Temp pointed out, smiling warmly as he said, “And maybe doing so will make this just a ‘funny’ story someday you and your husband share… Kaito getting propositioned by a bunch of sex-demons wanting to jump his bones. Honestly, some men get all the luck.”

Chibi Kaito stuck his tiny tongue out at Temp under the table, before going to comfort his blushing smaller husband, sitting next to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek and a hug, rubbing his back.

Big Kaito didn’t have all the luck in the world, thank you very much.

Big Kaito didn’t have Chibi Kokichi.

(... or a great view of Big Kokichi’s crotch under the table.)

(Ha! Suck it Big Kaito!)

(...but not actually.)

(Well, maybe actually-ow!)

Chibi Kaito gave Chibi Kokichi a sheepish look, rubbing the back of his head where the other Chibi had hit him. Sorry, sorry, his bad…

“Maybe one day…” Kokichi sighed. “We still have...a lot of stuff to talk about, and that’s even without the, just, week-to-week stuff. Especially since Shuu-chan and I are trying to convince Maki-chan to come with us once she’s feeling better. Dr. Mariah’s been dying to meet her, and...Maki-chan’s prolly gonna despise her. But hopefully something will come of it.”

Peeking under the table, Kokichi gave the chibis an odd look, just shaking his head a little. Such strange, small creatures.

-

To Shuichi’s credit, he was entirely up front about why he wasn’t going that day.

“I don’t feel like it, and someone should be with Maki anyway.”

Maki, who was reading one of his mystery books on the bed, occasionally coughing and wheezing but otherwise pretty okay, said, “Yep. Someone needs to watch me. What happens if I need a glass of juice from all the way downstairs?”

“Well, I mean, I’m not getting it… though now I’m thinking about what if we do want juice.” Shuichi mused, sitting next to her, a different mystery book in his lap. “What are we going to do?”

“Sit here juiceless and sad I guess.” Maki continued, “Maybe cry?”

“Sounds likely.” Shuichi nodded, “Stoic, brave tears, but tears.”

“Sad.”

“Isn’t it?”

Kaito sighed and just asked them what kind of juice they wanted, before making a trip downstairs to bring up some juice and snacks, and then he and Kokichi left.

On the way down, Kaito said after considering it a bit, “Well, maybe this is a good thing? I’m sure you and I have things we can talk about that Shuichi doesn’t really have an opinion on. Maybe this’ll give us a chance to… talk about whatever those are? Wow, I said that so confidently, and I already can’t think of any examples…”

While he said absolutely nothing and just let Kaito set Shuuichi and Maki up with juice and snacks, Kokichi wasn’t worried about them being on their own. They could both move if they really needed to, and if it wasn’t quite a ‘lug yourself downstairs’ kind of situation, there still should be people nearby Shuuichi could shout to if they needed anything. 

It was alright! And Kokichi would’ve felt like shit having Maki come to therapy, even if he had been pushing for it. She needed to rest and heal first...then they’d drag her to therapy. 

And...he and Kaito probably did have stuff between them to talk about. 

Kokichi squeezed Kaito’s hand softly, enjoying walking with him, even if the day was a bit grey and blustery outside. Not raining, though, so they could probably still sit up on Dr. Mariah’s roof without issue. “I mean...this might be a chance to talk more about our relationship before Shuu-chan joined. He was still around, but...it’s a different perspective.”

“In any case, I think that Dr. Mariah will make sure that we have plenty to talk about…” Kokichi snorted softly. “...I can practically see the snoopy gleam in her eyes when we tell her Maki-chan came home.”

“Oh god, that’s absolutely going to be a thing, isn’t it.” Kaito laughed lightly, squeezing gently back… before looking down at his husband. “Before we do go down there and Dr. Mariah grabs us both by the balls and tells us to cough--” not his usual kind of joke, but the second it was in his head Kaito had been absurdly proud it had come to mind and immediately laughed lightly at his own joke, before continuing on seriously, “-- is there anything you want us to bring up ourselves? Like… if there’s been anything on your mind, babe, I’m up to making a point to talk about it.”

Kokichi looked up in slight surprise, not really used to Kaito using that type of humor, but...well. He gave an amused snort all the same, if just for support. 

But as for things to bring up…

“...considering it happened in the last week, I think we should talk about the coupon, and all that,” he started, gently rubbing the side of Kaito’s hand in support, since he figured Kaito wouldn’t be thrilled to talk about that while the embarrassment was still so fresh, but...Kokichi paused. Just...thinking as a sort of tentative air came over him. 

Unsure, Kokichi pressed a little closer to Kaito and kept his voice low. “...I think we really need to talk about...our wedding night, and the stuff that came after, but...I don’t...feel ready. But...I never feel ready and...I don’t know if I’m delaying it to give myself time to heal, or...if I’m just trying to avoid it altogether.”

“Ha ha ha, whaaaaat, what, what are we even… is there even anything to talk about there…. Ha ha ha… uhhh…. Fine.” Kaito grumbled, not wanting to shut down Kokichi’s first conversation topic choice, though, nnnnnngh, he still randomly felt a hot flash of embarrassment and a strong desire to bury himself in a hole and just never come out again when he thought about all of that. Fucking weird ass… meltdown at a damn Dicean brothel, how fucking stupid…

Though, the second thing…

 Kaito’s stomach twisted nervously, but he tried not to let that show on his face as he grinned softly down at his husband? “Look. I’m gonna jump at any opportunity you ever want to take to talk about that, and I’m gonna just keep my mouth shut and be patient if you need more time, alright? Like, that conversation? That’s happening at your pace, Kokichi, forever. I know I haven't… always been good about that mindset. But I mean it. We’ll talk about all of that whenever you’re ready too… even if you don’t feel ready but just want to anyway.”

Kokichi took a deep, deep...deep breath and nodded. He hadn’t discussed it at length with his own therapist, the same problems keeping his mouth shut. But...while it was part of the problem, people did know that the prince’s wedding night hadn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. 

Sometimes talking about something painful before you were ready just hurt you more, his therapist had--more or less--said, but...you couldn’t hide from it forever. You would only be silently hurting yourself. One day, Kokichi should talk about it...and…

...it had been almost a year ago now. And still Kokichi was filled with such...white hot shame and humiliation and anger and…

...maybe it was time. Maybe. 

“...we’ll see how it goes,” he murmured. “We might have more than enough to talk about as it is.”

Kaito wanted to talk about it. Of course he did. There were… honestly, just, lots of things from those early days that they should talk about.

But those early days hurt in a way the most recent stuff didn’t, and Kaito honestly wasn’t sure why. Objectively worse shit had happened since then. Way worse shit. But… Kaito found himself in phases, when it came to the tragedies of the last year. Things that he hadn’t expected to stick haunted him randomly, and everything else sometimes frustrated him upon analysis, or made him sad or angry, but didn’t sting at him the way their earliest memories together did. Hitting Budd had ruined the last shreds of Kaito’s reputation in Dicea, seriously embarrassing himself and his sidekicks in their reaction to it, and Kaito was pretty sure traumatized Kokichi… but he almost never thought about it. Meanwhile, the comment about his mother, a small thing in hindsight and comparison, had almost literally driven Kaito insane, a few times, in how badly it had fucked with him, and still kept him up some nights

...and maybe that was just because they had kind of talked about a lot of it? But… not discussed it well. Maybe. Conversations that had felt like small, brief speeches, acknowledging that something had happened… but neither of them able to actually… have an actual conversation about it.

Kaito didn’t know… talking about things was hard. And he didn’t know if personally he’d ever really be ready to do so, but that he wanted to be ready whenever Kokichi was, so… yeah. That’s just where he was at, with that.

Once again, there was no receptionist. The guys being used to this, walked right past the desk, towards Dr. Mariah’s office, knocked.

“There you are. Very good…” she looked around and noticed a lack of Shuichi, but decided not to comment yet, as she simply said, “Alright. Follow me. Teas already set up upstairs. If you don’t want any, that’s perfectly fine, I mostly made it for my own indulgence, but I made enough for everyone.”

The got upstairs, Kaito grinned, going to greet the koi fish, giving a few pets, before going to wash his hands. As he did so, Dr. Mariah settled in, journal in lap, and said, “I see it’s the two of you today. Is all well with Shuichi?”

There was a lot between them. Already therapy had helped a ton, and helped them get through things, but...there was just such a colossal heap of issues between Kokichi and Kaito--and even more counting Shuuichi (and Maki) too--that...well, they would probably be going to therapy for a good long while. And hopefully with every conversation they would understand each other better and grow as people, able to live their own lives in ways they could get behind, and to raise Miya and Tim well. 

Once they made their way to the roof oasis, Kokichi accepted a cup of tea and settled himself on the bench Shuuichi had taken last time, not wanting to be right up against Kaito and fall victim to constant casual affection when they had other options. And at Dr. Mariah’s question, Kokichi grinned sheepishly. “Shuu-chan’s doin’ alright--he just wasn’t feeling up to coming down here today. And...our friend Maki-chan came home, but she got pneumonia and she’s still recovering, so he’s also spending time with her today. Kai-chan and I wanted to still come, though, so...here we are!”

There was, admittedly, a sudden gleam in Dr. Mariah’s eyes when Kokichi mentioned Maki, as she entwined her fingers and leaned her chin against them for a moment, as she said, “Oh? So the mysterious fourth person has arrive… and Shuichi’s already playing hooky to spend time with her.” the therapist sighed, leaning back into her chair as Kaito sat down on the other bench, taking Kokichi’s cue to separate. “Of course. Well, I suppose next time you’ll simply have to bring her with you to get him to come. Tragically inconvenient, but I won’t raise my rates for four people instead of three. You’re both quite welcome.”

“Thanks?” Kaito said, settling in, ignoring the tea cup set aside for him at the moment, “Yeah, she uh… she showed up pretty unexpectedly. Or, not unexpectedly, we knew she was coming back, just… you know that big thunderstorm we had recently?”

Dr. Mariah’s eyes practically sparkled, “The one on Devoted’s Day, you mean?”

“Ha, yeah… she rode back in that. At the end of a really long, tough trip home. She was not in the best shape, we ended up spending the next few days keeping her company in the med ward before they’d release her to her room. Like Kokichi said, she’s still sick, but she’s keeping in good spirits about it. I think the main reason Shuichi didn’t come is because they got caught up reading mystery novels together.”

“Riding back in a thunderstorm on Devoted’s Day… as per usual, your lives are absurd.” Dr. Mariah laughed lightly… before getting serious. “The three of you had found a peaceful balance in your interactions for the last few months now. I know I joke that she’s a fourth member in your relationship, but in all seriousness, how has her presence affected that balance?”

Kokichi hid his smile in his teacup, enjoying Dr. Mariah’s just...completely predictable joy at the circumstances Maki came home in. And she really came close to actually saying that impression Kaito had done before. Just as she was learning about them, they were learning about her...relationships were funny that way. 

“...um…” Kokichi started, able to get back on track without too much delay. “...it’s kind of hard to tell, in a way, since...we’ve mostly been looking after her, since she’s sick. Maybe that is telling of how things will settle once she gets better, but…” 

Kokichi shrugged a bit, not...really wanting to just come out and say that Kaito and Maki had a schism between them. It was Kaito’s to talk about, but...because of that, it was changing the relationship between the four of them. 

“...Maki-chan and Shuu-chan hang out a lot… They’re siblings in a lot of the ways that count, and...I don’t really know how to explain it…” he hummed, twisting some of his hair around a finger. “...they have a rhythm, between them, that...Shuu-chan doesn’t quite have with either of us? And...it makes me happy, to see them at ease with each other.”

“We all hang out, like we used to… Though...uh…” ...he didn’t want to just say it. Looking over to Kaito, Kokichi offered him a small smile, an opportunity. “...you wanna take it from there?”

“...what else is there to say?” Kaito mumbled with a shrug.

“Three minutes,” Dr. Mariah said, sighing and taking out the clock, “Three minutes of silence. And if you still think there’s nothing else you want to add to that, we’ll move on, I promise.”

Kaito for a second looked alarmed, like he thought he had done something wrong and this was going to lead to some sort of… chastisement or punishment or something. But after thirty seconds he realized she just wanted to give him a moment to collect his thoughts, and when he calmed down and stopped feeling irrationally guilty, he stopped to think about it…

“Time,” Dr. Mariah said, “Kaito?”

Kaito sighed. “Maki… hasn’t been on vacation.”

“Truly shocking.” Dr. Marah said, and then looked surprised at herself. She actually went a little red, before saying quickly, “I apologize, that was incredibly inappropriate. Please forgive me. Go on.”

Kaito gave her a somewhat dry look, before saying, “Honestly? I don’t… really wanna get into it too much? Sometimes I don’t really know how I feel about everything, and I don’t want you guys to have to spend this entire session trying to wrangle some thought process out of me that I don’t even begin to understand myself right now. What I do know is that Maki left to do something that… kinda hurt me. And I don’t… want to be angry…” Kaito said, a conflicted look on his face at that, like he wasn’t even certain of that, “...but I am. And… I’m really trying not to let it affect just… everything. But it does affect some things… and I just can’t really help that.”

Kaito popped his joints a little, looking uncomfortable… before his face softened, “It has been nice seeing him and Maki together again. Shuichi, I mean. There’s this ease about them… I know Shuichi loves me. Both of us, obviously, but I mean in the sense of when we were growing up… but he and Maki always had more in common. More things to relate too, when it came to each other. They’d fight viciously and get along like their two sides of the same person within the same hour, and the way they relax around each other… they just don’t do that for other people. I loved watching them together growing up, because it made me so… fucking happy how happy they made each other, and… I don’t know. I guess I’m just glad I still feel that way.”

“Seeing them together reassures you?” Dr. Mariah asked.

‘Yeah, reassures’ the right word.” Kaito grinned softly, “Maki and Shuichi never had easy lives, and for a long time they really struggled to get close to anyone if I wasn’t kinda low key pushing them into it. It was just always reassuring to know that at the end of the day, when I couldn’t provide them some sort of… connection or reassurance or happiness, that I knew they’d get it from each other.”

...there was a lot left to say. But neither Kaito nor Maki was ready. While Kokichi was unsure about his own sore spots, for them...it had all just happened. They were still in the process of...well, processing it. And as long as they didn’t let it sit until the cooled feelings and reasonings circled around into resentment, resting and processing would let them actually have a productive conversation later. In whatever form that took. 

Kokichi gave his husband a slight apologetic look as Kaito explained the bare minimum of what was between him and Maki, but...he explained better than Kokichi could even recognize what was between Maki and Shuuichi. A kinship between two people that just...set the people who loved them at ease. 

After Kaito had explained, Kokichi grinned a bit. “...they like to grouse and debate together on the floor. When I first saw it, it was kind of confusing, but...the other day Kai-chan and I came home and went to hang out and...yeah, reassuring’s a good word. It was...wonderful, seeing them like that again. Trading banter and escalation like it’s nothing.”

Dr. Mariah nodded, taking note of this. She had really already known this, but these examples were further proof that when it came to the well being of the group as a whole, Maki had to be taken into consideration. If Shuichi really was that close to her, then even if Kaito was having issues, cutting her out of their lives to restore balance wasn’t the correct advice to give. It’d only divide the group further.

Which, great! Dr. Mariah was rooting for the four anyway. But, she was a therapist first, and she needed to feel confident in the advise she gave, and sometimes the best relationship advice to give was ‘let this one go, hope for a healthier relationship in the next one’.

...in other examples. Not this one. 

Still, while there was clearly a lot to dig through here, based on the concaphony taste of conflict radiating off of Kaito at this? Getting him to open up about this would be pulling teeth. And there were other things to talk about.

“Some friendships are just as important as your relationship with your significant other. It’s good that Shuichi has someone who brings such comfort to him.” Dr. Mariah agreed, sipping at her tea to give herself a moment, “... but if we’re not ready to talk about Maki, which I see we aren’t, then we need to work out where we should start. Neither of you had homework assignments. So… do we have any thoughts of where we’d like to begin today?”

“Mmmmmmm-” think of something that’s not the strip club think of something that’s not the strip club think of something that’s not the strip club, “-I got my friend Waku a coupon for free sexy dances.” Dammit!

Dr. Mariah… raised an eyebrow. “Uh huh?”

Kokichi nodded gently, but in earnest. He loved Shuuichi and Kaito, but his friends… Kokichi was so thankful for them. Having that balance and spread of different kinds of relationships...Kokichi sometimes...screaming at his younger self didn’t quite feel right, but he definitely would take himself aside and encourage looking outside his tiny box. Life was so much more full than he’d made it out to be. 

As Maki--as a topic--was shelved, Kokichi...was just starting to bolster himself to...maybe? Talk about...it. But he, maybe cowardly, kept off as Kaito hummed, and…

“...pff.” 

Kokichi didn’t mean to snort, but...that was certainly a way to introduce the topic. Shaking his head a little and giving Kaito a soft smile, Kokichi turned to Dr. Mariah. “There was a bit of a...misunderstanding, the other day. Kai-chan got a coupon in the mail from a, um, the Gentle Club, a strip club, and...it kind of confused us? So we went down to talk with one of the managers and...well, Kai-chan didn’t want to use the coupon, after everything was explained, but the manager said that he could give the coupon to someone else, so...he gave it to Waku-chan.”

Dr. Mariah smiled lightly, though… oooooh. Ugh, the ‘Gentle Club’. Bunch of vultures. Dr. Mariah knew she wasn’t supposed to judge, but emotion based demons and sensuality based demons naturally had beef- sad people didn’t tend to want to have sex, and people who were having sex didn’t tend to feel sad. Or, they weren’t supposed to mix and match those emotions, ideally, so demons-- these days-- tried not to encourage it. Which meant if a Hellfire Demon and a Succubi/Incubi demon were trying to feed on someone at the same time? Someone was missing out.

But! Ha! Looks like she had won the Kaito bid. Which was great. The boy was a mess of emotions. Plenty to feed on.

And right now he was radiating embarrassment. It tasted zesty and sour. Oddly sweet.

“What was confusing about it?” Dr. Mariah asked.

“Oh, I mean... “ Kaito rubbed the back of his neck, before shrugging, “It really wasn’t anything. I got nervous at someone randomly sending me some sexy thing. I thought it was someone trying to fuck with me. Um… but!” Kaito suddenly lit up, looking proud, “Kokchi got all… cool and protective and shit? That was… okay, in literally any other situation, that would have been really cool to watch!”

Dr. Mariah tilted her head a little, “But not in this one?”

“Ehhhhh, I mean, I was just being sort of weird and dumb and I felt a little bad that Kokichi had to get caught up in it and go somewhere weird to, like… ‘defend’ me or whatever.” Kaito shrugged, “Like, really cool that he did! Very, like…” Kaito grinned, a tint of red in his ears, “But ya know. Still totally unnecessary.”

“Mmhm. Kokichi? What was this experience like from your perspective?” Dr. Mariah asked.

Kokichi sighed softly, and...well, he was going to get his chance to explain his view...even if Kaito was embarrassed. “...I wouldn’t call it unnecessary.”

“Kai-chan got the coupon in the mail and...he got kinda fumed. Cause...well, like he said, he thought someone was trying to fuck with him. That people have used...er,” Kokichi did color a bit there, though he was trying to remain more composed. “...sexy stuff to...he said, like, lure him places? And…”

Kokichi’s brow furrowed as he gripped the teacup in his lap. “...I get why he was angry, you know? That’s...really insulting. No matter what your reputation might’ve been.”

“So...naturally, I’d want to check in on it. To set our own worries aside, either through confrontation or clarification, and…” Kokichi squinted a bit. “...I will not tolerate hate crimes. People are entitled to their opinions. People can hate Luminary. But it is not acceptable to take that out on Luminous people, and I refuse to stand by if that’s what people are doing.”

Kokichi took a small breath, almost huffing with his annoyance before he calmed. “With my bodyguard, Nazumi, we headed over to the club and I asked to talk with a manager. To validate that the coupon was actually from them, and to try and glean their intentions with it. And…”

Here, Kokichi did genuinely calm more, scratching his cheek a bit as he shrugged with a small grin. “...they seemed really off guard that we showed up, and...I think they thought that we were just coming by because I didn’t get a coupon too. I...think they just heard of Kai-chan’s reputation from Luminary and...were just trying to drum up some business, no shady stuff involved. So...we got all that cleared up.”

“...but it was not a waste of time,” he impressed, looking over at Kaito with...almost a pleading determination. “You had a reasonable reaction, hun. Your suspicion has kept you safe. Going to confirm that safety...it’s not something I’d ever regret doing, or wish I had been doing something else instead.”

Kaito gave his husband an appreciative look, even if he was still a little embarrassed. Dr. Mariah looked between the two of them, before nodding slightly to herself. Honestly the situation seemed handled, but… let’s ease Kaito’s embarrassment a little. They could get to the root of why he hadn’t trusted the gift another time, their last session all together had been very Kaito focused, and rubbing his difficult childhood in his face over and over could potentially do more harm than good without breaks.

“... it’s okay to feel like you overreacted.” Dr. Mariah said carefully, “Even if Kokichi’s correct, and the reaction makes sense, or is understandable. If you feel like you could handle that same situation better next time, then do it better next time. Use this experience as a step towards being the version of yourself you’re most comfortable with. That’s fine. But you don’t need to feel guilty or beat yourself up over it for the incident itself. No one was hurt, no one sounded like they were even that inconvenienced. It’s fine to want to improve, but you don’t want to make a further error by dwelling on it too much.”

Kaito nodded slowly with all of that… rubbing the back of his neck but laughing a little, “Yeah? I guess that makes sense...I’ll try to keep it in mind. But, thanks, Kokichi. I still really appreciated you helping me out and watching out for me. It was sweet.” And super hot, when Kaito wasn’t thinking about the embarrassing part of that. 

… and he did feel a little better about it.

...it was alright to make mistakes. It was how people grew. And if no one was hurt by a mistake, then...you learned in a safe way how to be better, whatever your metric for that was. Learn, but don’t dwell…

Kokichi nodded gently and gave Kaito a smile. “I’m glad to do it. I know you’re always doing the same for me.”

...always, even since the beginning. Kokichi’s negativity had nothing to do with anything Kaito had done after the wedding and...after. Kaito had been wonderful, and even when things were tense, and they did things...that maybe weren’t their best selves, Kaito had always been trying to look out for Kokichi. And Kokichi loved that. 

...so maybe it was time to finally let go. 

There was a lingering finality to the strip club debacle so, after that silence, Kokichi took a breath, and while he couldn’t quite look Dr. Mariah in the eyes, his voice didn’t waver. “...we talked about bringing this up on the way over, since it’s just the two of us today… Um. I think I’d like to talk about our wedding night today.”

To her credit, Dr. Mariah did not raise her eyebrow, though she felt inclined too. Instead, she crossed her ankles, and leaned against the side of her chair, presenting through body language that she was settling in for however long this conversation was going to be. Interesting… Kokichi tasted… cold. Like licking a frozen piece of taffy, as ridiculously specific as that was, and not very good as a metaphor, but, well, that was how it tasted.

Specifically, he tasted like he wasn’t quite truly nervous yet… but was preparing himself for strong emotions soon.

Kaito, in turn, tensed, though he had suspected (hoped?) this was coming soon, looking over to Kokchi in concern. He wished they were closer. He wanted to… put his hand on his shoulder, or hold his hand, or hug him or something. Instead, Kokichi felt impossibly far away… he didn’t want Kokichi to see any nerves on him, but Kaito wasn’t entirely aware how much his hand spoke on his behalf, as he automatically started massaging his joints.

“...the wedding was not only a very important and stressful day for yourself, but the continent around you. It’s understandable if your feelings of that day are… numerous. And conflicting. Directly contradicting. I won’t make any assumptions of what you specifically want to talk about,” though she could guess, “and just want to remind you that this is a safe space that you can talk about anything that comes to mind. Or, if need be, not talk about it. Some stories take multiple attempts to tell. No one here is going to be cross with you if if you start, and find it difficult to continue. Do you understand?”

Kokichi nodded slightly and...while he wanted to be determined to finally talk about it with someone...it was reassuring to know that if he really couldn’t? That if his reticence in talking about it really was because it was still too painful a wound, and not that he was trying to bury it, he could stop, and it would be okay to start another day when he really was ready. “Thank you…”

...okay. You can do this. 

Taking a steadying breath, Kokichi nodded once more and...tried to start. “There were...a lot of things that happened that day, but...as much as I’ve tried to give more consideration to the other stuff...this one has always been the most difficult for me… I…”

He closed his eyes. Finding it easier for the words to come in his soft voice when he wasn’t looking at anything. “...during the reception, I was slipped an aphrodisiac. A...really strong one. And Kai-chan and I…” Kokichi’s face crumpled a little as his cheeks went pink. “...neither of us knew until later… It wasn’t his fault at all… I… My lungs started acting up from...from the overdose and he had to rush me to the medical wing.”

“...the...the perpetrator was one of the secretaries from Luminary. She was banished from the country… But...the morning they were set to leave...she…”

Kokichi swallowed and took a huge, shaky breath, his eyes burning behind his lids a little. “...sh-she bragged in front of everyone about making Kai-chan rape me.” Kokichi’s voice cracked a little at the end, but...relatively, he was holding it together.

Kaito’s shoulders tensed, already just… wishing he could make this better somehow. He didn’t want Kokichi holding back tears, talking about more Luminary bullshit. He just wanted this to not be happening… but that wouldn’t help Kokichi. So he just harshly bit the inside of his lip and reminded himself that this was a good thing. His husband needed to be able to talk about this.

Dr. Mariah sighed a little, shaking her head in disapproval a little. Shameful… “That must have been difficult. Were you aware she was the culprit before she said anything? It’s cruel either way, but that would be a nasty shock, out in the open.”

With another little shaky breath, Kokichi opened his eyes, redder than they had been, but not pooling with tears yet. ...it was so horrible to say… It was as if just speaking those words aloud thrust him back into the dining hall, determinedly eating his breakfast while it felt like everything in his body had turned into shattered glass. 

Kokichi nodded his head and, somehow, still was able to keep his words going. “...we had...some theories about who had done it after I woke up, but...the...the administration had launched an investigation as soon as they heard I was admitted to the med bay… She had confessed and my u...the head secretary came to - to tell us what was happening. We knew.”

Again, Kokichi closed his eyes, though the grimace on his face was an expression so full of self-blame that...well, to Kaito, it would’ve looked like something he wouldn’t have seen on Kokichi for months. “...it was my idea to go down to breakfast that morning… I...I was too scared of people looking down on me for being bedridden… Kai-chan knew that she’d probably be down there...but I insisted…”

Kaito tsked, crossing his arms and looking away, a tense, heated look flashing across his face.

The sudden flash of rage coming off of him wasn’t unusual for him, but Dr. Mariah still gave him a thin, upturned eyebrow. Considering her options… “Kaito, non-verbal displays of anger or disapproval isn’t particularly helpful in situations like these, especially if not followed immediately by some form of explanation. It forces your partner into a position where they have to mind read, which is toxic for most conversations. If you feel the need to interrupt him with a comment, you should do Kokichi the respect of at least owning up to it and being clear in what you mean.”

At this, Kaito deflated, clearly not expecting a call-out that… direct. And Dr. Mariah didn’t like to scold him, especially considering Kaito’s authority issues. But, this was a difficult enough conversation to tread gently through. Kaito acting out needed to be handled, for Kokichi’s sake.

“...sorry, I’m not… I huffed because I don’t think Kokichi wanting to go down was cowardly. I think it was brave. He’s just…” Kaito realized what he was doing, before looking to Kokichi, addressing him directly, “...you’re being too hard on yourself. Wanting to not hide away after some shit like that happened? Hide from her? That’s fucking hard, babe, that shit doesn’t make you a coward… I was scared. I just didn’t want to deal with it…”

Dr. Mariah let him finish, before saying, “That’s fair, Kaito, but you’ll get your opportunity to speak about the event from your perspective, I promise you. For now? Let’s respect Kokichi to hear his version of events through, without immediately trying to shoot down his perspective.”

Kaito’s brow furrowed… before he huffed again. “...Sorry. Sorry, Kokichi.”

Kokichi cringed a bit at Kaito’s rage--Kaito had more than enough to be angry about from that morning, without Kokichi adding to it--but...Dr. Mariah intervened. And...well. Was their relationship therapist. They wanted her to be present for difficult conversations like these for that very reason--to help them communicate better.

“...thanks, Kai-chan,” Kokichi murmured, though he managed to send a small smile Kaito’s way. “I think...I just wish it hadn’t happened. And because I was the one who put things into motion for us to be down there...it’s really easy to want to blame myself.”

“...but I shouldn’t,” he sighed, something a little more stern in his voice as he glared at his lap. “...it was her fault to drug me, and it was her fault to say stuff like that, and to bait you. If I’m going to blame anyone, it’s her. Not me.”

...after a moment, Kokichi realized that...he had been dancing around the last part. So, with another steeling breath, he...tried to look up more in Dr. Mariah’s direction. “...saying all that stuff...maybe it was to brag too, in some ridiculous way, but...it was to bait Kai-chan. He...he pinned her against a wall with a knife and...tried to defend my honor. But I…”

...even now, with all of the knowledge he’d gained, Kokichi still wasn’t sure what exactly had happened. But he could at least explain what he thought at the time. 

Frowning to the side, Kokichi shook his head softly, unconsciously miming his confusion. “...I got really scared, because… Well, I don’t condone death as punishment, and I certainly didn’t want to see my new husband kill someone in front of me...and back then our different ideas of...justice and retribution were really...disjointed… But…”

“...I got scared because she looked...elated.” Kokichi’s frown just deepened, that niggling theory, even though Maki had talked him through all the logical leaps he’d been taking months and months ago, still bothered Kokichi somewhere. “...Kai-chan had recently talked to me about how she and the head secretary at the time were always...playing stupid mind games. And how Kai-chan was trusting me to help look out for him, so he wouldn’t get caught up in them anymore.”

“And when I saw her face...I was so scared that Kai-chan was falling into some sort of trap… So...I pretended like the whole thing was...boring and inconsequential. And when Kai-chan backed off...she looked so disappointed. Then...she left.”

“...the Party disappeared after they left Dicea, so...we don’t know, but at the time...even to me it felt just...unfinished and...like she’d won in some way. Like…” Kokichi huffed, drawing into himself. “Boo-hoo, she can’t travel to Dicea anymore, not like she could just go back home to where she has power and influence to just keep hurting people for shits and giggles…”

Kokichi sighed, deflating from that one moment of bitterness. “...but I just didn’t want Kai-chan to keep being hurt by them…”

Dr. Mariah tasted a huge weight of responsibility-- the negative kind, full of regret and doubt-- on Kokchi, but even if she couldn’t taste it, the man was wearing it on his sleeves. If anything, this part of the story seemed to weight more on the Dicean Princes’ mind than the night before, which was… fair.

The young looking therapist sighed, “Kaito… we really, really need to have a serious conversation about the damage committing violence in front of other people has on them-”

“Miss Crystal and I talk about it.” Kaito muttered. “I know.”

“-we’ll still talk about it as a group one day. Your partners deserve to hear what you’ve learned about that subject. In a year, you’ve already put them through too much of it.”

“I know.” Kaito said softly, though his temple was twitching, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not looking for an apology. Though, your apology is heard.” Dr. Mariah said, tapping at her cheek… “Kokichi, we’ll come back to you in a moment. First, before we dive further into this, Kaito? Everything Kokichi’s discussed up till now. Your versions of events. What happened?”

“...Everything?” Kaito asked, looking uncertain now, “Where am I meant to start?

“Wherever makes sense for you.”

Kaito looked uncertainly at Kokichi now… he really didn’t want anything he said to hurt his husband. Details that Kokichi hadn’t wanted revealed, or hadn’t wanted to think about… “Do we have to?” Kaito asked, looking back to Dr. Mariah, “I don’t feel like I have anything useful to add. I’d rather just focus on-”

“Kaito… I will say this a thousand times, and if you still won’t hear it, a thousand more,” Dr. Mariah said, sounding genuinely somewhat annoyed, “Playing the martyr in your relationship isn’t helping anyone. Don’t try to tell me that the events of that day hasn’t impacted you at all either. This is not your husbands burden alone, that you are trying to support him through.”

She looked between the two of them, and decided to say, “This trauma? This terrible day? Neither of you are alone in it, even if maybe at some point both of you convinced yourselves you were. This was a terrible event that happened to both of you, and you were both hurt by it. Every part of it. You’re not just supporting each other through this… you’re allies in this. Literally no one else on the planet will understand this event better than the other person on this roof, excluding myself.”

“And yet, Kokichi, you speak as if the event where Kaito attacked Chisa was some lone thing that you did by yourself, Kaito merely getting thrown around by your whims. And Kaito, your refusal to view the event as affecting you at all… you both are trying far too hard to be strong about this. It’s unnecessary.”

Her face softening, Dr. Mariah said with something very close to actual pity, “You experienced something tragic together… has it ever occured to either of you to just… cry about it together?”

...Kokichi wanted to hear Kaito’s version. He knew about Kaito’s anger, his responsibility, his fear...but it never really...felt like they’d really talked about it. Because they hadn’t talked about that night and the morning after like...at all. 

And Kokichi knew some of that was his own fault, not just in protecting himself, but...in shutting down Kaito’s attempts. He cringed hard when Dr. Mariah illuminated that, again, Kokichi had been treating Kaito like he couldn’t make his own choices, and…

Letting out a deep breath...Kokichi ran a hand through his hair. “...we took a depression nap together after breakfast...but I don’t think that really counts.”

“...I’m sorry, Kai-chan,” Kokichi murmured, bowing his head slightly to his husband. “I’ve promised to be better about believing in you and your choices… I don’t mean to diminish that. I know you were acting on what you thought was right, that morning… And you made your own decision to let her go. I’m sorry for...explaining it like you were just hapless and stuck in the middle. That’s not fair to you or your own motivations. I respect you a lot...and I’ll be more mindful about it.”

“...ah, babe…” Kaito said softly, again, just… wishing desperately that he was closer. “You didn’t-”

“Kaito, I’m sorry I keep having to interrupt you.” Dr. Mariah sighed, genuinely meaning it, “But I’m just not going to let you do it. Yes, yes, I know… mind reading. But dismissing any affect or harm the event, or Kokichi’s recollections of the event, does you, which I could see you gearing up to say it didn’t do any, doesn’t help Kokichi. Or you. Or Shuichi. Or anyone… if Kokichi is hurt, and you are hurt, the answer isn’t one of you needs to stop being hurt so the other can move on. The answer is, okay, both of you be hurt, together. Martyrdom is not healthy for relationships.”

“...then what am I supposed to say?” Kaito grumbled slightly.

“Acknowledge what Kokichi said first. If you’re ready to forgive him? Do so. Then, tell us your perspective, in that order.” Dr. Mariah said, deciding Kaito might actually benefit from direct instructions, “Acknowledge what the other person thinks happened, decide your feelings on that perspective first, and then tell them your perspective of events. If I’ve done my job right, Kokichi, or Shuichi, will respond to whatever you say in roughly that same order of events. Memories are… fickle things. Sometimes you won’t agree at how a memory actually played, because both of you will be convinced you are right. In that case? Just resolve both versions. It’ll be better for you in the long run.”

Kaito looked a little lost… but turned to Kokichi after a moment. “...If… I mean, if you think you had a lot of control over my actions that day, or, just… feel bad talking about it like that? And I get why you would, I mean, we’ve… we’ve had flights about that stuff before… I’m not bothered, ‘Kichi. Or, I guess I forgive you, specifically. I didn’t really feel like the way you were talking was you doing that? I’ve been hurt by you talking like that before and this just didn’t feel like the same thing… but I still appreciate you apologizing.” he said, bowing his head back, in respect for the gesture.

“Progress.” Dr. Mariah practically whispered to herself, letting some of her frustration go a little-- therapy with Kaito could be a bit like folding laundry in the wind, after you think you’ve got it, there comes a gust undoing all the progress…-- before saying, “Alright… do you think you’re ready to tell your version of the events?”

Kaito… looked to Kokichi. “If I start saying too much, you can always tell me to stop, babe.”

Acknowledge, forgive--or explain why you can’t--and explain. Resolve, then add; don’t keep snowballing… Don’t dismiss someone’s guilt. Take things little by little...okay. 

Kokichi smiled softly as Kaito accepted his apology. He did believe he had some influence on Kaito’s actions...but unlike with Nao and Mr. Brockman, Kokichi...hadn’t actually ordered Kaito to let Chisa go. Kokichi didn’t really remember, but...he felt like he’d even said that he didn’t really care, but the mess would be a pain… Like Chisa was so inconsequential, killing her would mean nothing. Maybe that still counted, and...obviously Kaito knew that Kokichi really would be bothered if he killed her, but...he at least felt less guilt over that case. 

...Kokichi wondered if he would ever be able to explain to Kaito, in full truth, how horrible he felt for his actions those times. If Kaito would ever be able to acknowledge what had happened to him. Or if it would remain something only partially talked about between them. 

As Kaito prepared to explain his version of the events, Kokichi gave him another little smile. “I trust your judgement of what’s ‘too much’. But...thank you for giving me that option.”

“Right.” Kaito rubbed his forehead, “Right…”

...shit, where did that story start?

“...The thing is, I should have fucing seen all of it coming. I had… so many clues, looking back at it, that Tengan would pull something like this. Maybe… maybe not exactly that, but… Kokichi, when I came to visit you in your room? I think that was the same night Tengan came to visit me and basically told me that since was coming in as your Prince-Consort, if I wanted to help Luminary? And find any power in the relationship? I was gonna have to… abuse you, basically. That I didn’t have any legal power over you, so I’d have to break you down, like… emotionally. And that he was…” Kaito twitched, “show me how. Him and Chisa.”

“And, ya know… that’d have been fucking treason to my new royal family, for one. Which fucking bothered the shit out of me. But also I just… couldn’t really see a version of myself that could actually do it? I tried pretending I was Byakuya, and that literally fell apart the second I got my first pulse of, like… guilt about it. I went to go tell you about it, to warn you… I don’t know if you really understood how serious my warning was… but it did genuinely make me feel better when you said it wasn’t gonna matter if I couldn’t stop whatever was going to come out of this. Cause, like you said, I… I needed help with the mind game stuff. That’s always a losing game for me.”

“And then the next day I had this vague idea that I’d fake it? Till Tengan left? ...Heh. Yeah, that plan fell apart on first contact too. I couldn’t even fucking fake it… if I had at least tried, maybe Tengan would have never felt like he needed to… do any of that shit…” Kaito muttered, twisting his fingers uncomfortably, “Even if it would have made things tense between us, ruined the wedding, whatever, I could have at least tried. Instead I just… did nothing about anything. Not the danger around us, not what was happening with Shuichi and Maki… I literally failed to help do literally anything… I didn’t even try… fucking went dancing, and didn’t think twice about drinking something a stranger handed us. So fucking stupid…”

...it really didn’t feel great that Kaito’s example for trying to seem like he was abusing him was to pretend to be like his brother. But...things were rocky enough between Kaito and Byakuya right now. Kokichi didn’t need to rub that in. 

...but there was one thing he wanted to address. 

Frowning as Kaito started to beat himself up, Kokichi took a small breath. “...I’m sorry for interrupting. But...just like you said to me...I feel like you’re being too hard on yourself. That bastard and Chisa are to blame...not us. But...this is your turn to explain your perspective so...please continue.”

“...yeah, I know they are.” Kaito said dryly, clearly just frustrated with himself. He could have still just… tried harder.

“So, we took the drinks, Kokichi got dosed…” Kaito smiled. Something both fond and conflicted as he said, “...I have so many conflicting feelings about that night…”

Whatever those feelings were, Kaito clearly didn’t feel okay saying them around Dr. Mariah, as he skipped forward, “...anyway. Kokichi got sick. Really sick. Scared that absolute shit out of me. I knew he got sick, but… I still didn’t really understand how easy by that point. But yeah. Got him to the medward, that was a whole thing… looking back at it, that was one of the easier fits. He was tired, but he was able to go back to our room the same night, and he was still able to move around the next day. Hideki showed up and… told us a bunch of fucking shit.” Kaito said, frowning, a clear look of frustration running through his face. “But the gist of it was that Chisa had confessed. I… knew, and I know Tengan had something to do with it too. But Chisa confessed. God I wanted to fucking kill them…”

“May I ask why you didn’t?” Dr. Mariah interrupted, “Since it sounds like you made the decision to try to avoid speaking to them at all, before confronting Chisa directly. So you must have made the decision to not kill them before the actual confrontation Kokichi talks about.”

“...I wanted to kill them, but Kokichi asked me not to. And… I just remember how small he looked… I knew he couldn’t actually stop me. But I didn’t want to use that against him.” Kaito said, his tone tired. “Maybe if he was feeling stronger, I would have argued more. But he couldn’t even get out of bed. I just didn’t want to make him feel weak. So I stayed.”

“...heh.” Kaito suddenly laughed, looking at Kokichi with tired amusement, “You thought your father did it. You were convinced.”

Kokichi didn’t believe death was ever an answer. But...for Chisa and Tengan? ...he wasn’t sure if things really would be worse if they had been killed. The admins were still scrambling to figure out the policy for putting foreign citizens on trial. As a dual-citizen, it would not have been kind to Kaito, especially with his convictions that people deserved to die if they hurt you, so...in that sense, it would’ve been worse, but… He didn’t know. 

There was one thing, though, that Kokichi did have clarity on over those events. 

Groaning loudly, Kokichi facepalmed before holding a hand out and giving Dr. Mariah a worried look. “I know how that sounds! But that’s not what Aiichi’s like, and I’m not trying to cover his ass.” Kokichi let out an exasperated sigh. “...I said a lot of things in those early days about my father that...really gave Kai-chan the wrong impression. I’ve talked about it with my personal therapist, as it pertained to myself, and Kai-chan and I’ve talked about how...I pretty much sabotaged him…”

Looking a bit tired, and a little ashamed, Kokichi explained. “...because of the neglect I suffered in my childhood, I...I built a narrative about my father to myself. Wanting to believe that my unhappiness had a direct cause. So...I convinced myself that my father hated me, that he wished I was dead, that he was manipulating everyone around me, and even people with no connection to either of us just...for some nebulous, nefarious goal of trapping me in the castle and making me miserable. And...that delusion went as far as...having me genuinely believe that Aiichi was a person capable and more than willing to drug me on my wedding night. ...I even believed for a little bit, that he had hired Kai-chan when we first met to lure me in and humiliate me to convince me that I was better off never leaving home.”

Closing his eyes in shame, Kokichi ran another hand through his hair. “...it doesn’t excuse the neglect my father actually did cause, but...everything I did acting on that delusion was my fault. Especially giving you, Kai-chan, a dangerously wrong idea of what my life was like.”

Oof. That was a lot.

Dr. Mariah digested this, looking back and forth between them… Kokichi’s personal therapist was handling this, and Dr. Mariah wouldn’t step her foot into the hard work that therapist was likely doing in regards to that, but as for the relationship aspect of it. 

“...considering that for a while, this was a reality you both believed?” Dr. Mariah guessed, glancing at Kaito, who nodded after a moment, “That must have been incredibly stressful and difficult, especially for a new couple. To not only feel trapped in your home, but like you’re constantly in danger, to the point where a set up for assault seemed entirely possible… that couldn’t have been easy on  either of you. Even just believing something like that can be as traumatizing as actually experiencing it.”

“It’s been a process sorting it all out,“ Kaito admitted, “Even once Kokichi realized things weren’t… how he saw them? Or had seen them? Then he had the shitty task of trying to convince his Luminary husband, who, I mean…” Kaito rolled his eyes, “I just didn’t believe him, for a long time, when he said the castle was safe. He’d tell me over and over and over again and I just couldn’t see it. I was convinced I was seeing signs of the abuse all the time. I wanted to fight everyone… I hated everyone in that castle. For a really long time… and, sorry, I did this out of order.” Kaito huffed, looking to Kokichi, “And while I know you see it as you sabotaging me… and yeah, maybe that is what happened? I still could have just gotten my head out of my own ass and just listened to what you were telling me. Like, after awhile, it was my own damn fault the message wasn’t getting through. So, after a certain point, I don’t really feel like it was your fault anymore.”

Kokichi nodded sadly, but, again, he managed to give Kaito a small smile. “I’ve always appreciated your faith in me...even when I don’t necessarily deserve it. But I suppose that’s just faith in a nutshell. And...I have to say, it does feel nice to know that you’re not...cursing me to the heavens for making your new home a threat for so long…”

“I think we both can be a bit overly stubborn in our thinking,” Kokichi grimly grinned. “You said that I told you straight out that the castle was safe...and while I did, I… Knowing how badly I’d warped my own sense of reality? That’s...recent. The first couple times I told you that things were fine and that the people at home could be trusted...like, no wonder you didn’t believe me, honestly.”

Kokichi rolled his eyes a little at himself, sighing. “There was...maybe a piece of me that had calmed down and realized things weren’t like I said, but...I kept treating it like… One day I’d be breaking down about something, letting my desperation talk through me and scare the shit out of you, then the next, even though I knew all that was just mania? I never told you that, and even expressed fears to you that people thought I was irrational and delusional… After being on my side, and swearing it?” Kokichi leaned forward earnestly, just...clear regret in his eyes as he looked at Kaito. “No fucking wonder you would try to take my irrationalities and delusions at face value. And yet, for doing that, I kept telling you you were wrong, and not understanding why you were uneasy and stressed. Which just made things worse because...I mean...you’ve told me before I’ve made you feel like a monster. Judging your distrust, that I planted…”

...Kokichi’s heart dropped. Finally pinpointing exactly why all that had felt like muck in his chest for so long.

“...I was gaslighting you…” Kokichi’s face fell as the words softly fell from his lips, just...quietly horrified that, for how much Kokichi had wanted to protect Kaito from manipulation...he’d ended up doing just that to his husband.

There was a real part of Kaito that wanted to argue. To… ignore that nervous, stressed way his stomach squeezed at being reminded of the days where the word ‘monster’ was constantly in his head, when it really felt like he had come to Dicea and suddenly nothing he did was right, and nothing made sense, and everyone was an enemy… to just blame it on being a Luminary, because he really didn’t want to put any of that on his husbands shoulders. 

But… Dr. Mariah kept saying that being a martyr, that pretending Kaito couldn’t be hurt in this relationship by the things his partners did, wasn’t helping anything…

“... you weren’t doing it on purpose, babe. I know that. And I still could have been better,  I could have… talked to literally anyone about what was going on…” except he had. He had talked to Lake and Aiichi, directly, about things he had thought were a part of Kokichi’s abuse, and… well, he had just been more enraged and freaked out at how casually they had treated it. Like abusing their prince was nothing, like, oh, everything’s fine, they never did anything wrong…

… Kaito even knew better now, why they had acted like that, and it still sent shockwaves of rage through him. They had acted like that because… actually yeah, they weren’t doing anything wrong, or, at least, not doing anything unexplainable. Kaito had no idea what those two must have thought he was accusing them of, but they couldn’t have known that he was saying that they were keeping Kokichi prisoner and locking him away when he was acting up and physically attacking him and apparently the type of people that would set him up for rape… they couldn’t have possibly guessed that was what Kaito was accusing them of.

(...god, he wished literally anyone would have helped them. Literally anyone would have reached out… it all could have been avoided… all of it.)

“...I mean, I forgive you for it. I forgave you the first time you really explained what was going on and I forgive you now. But… yeah all of that had been…” Kaito suddenly laughed, shaking his head, grinning tiredly at Kokichi, “I warned ya. You cannot say I didn’t tell you! I suck at head games! See, now it all makes a little more sense, why I had to tell ya that, huh? You didn’t even know you were playing, and I still got caught up. I don’t know about you, but I think I’m gonna take some brownie points for at least being, like, really self aware about that.”

Even if it wasn’t on purpose...it was still horrible. It just meant...it was explainable. 

Kokichi snorted a little at Kaito’s tiny bit of levity before his face crumpled, but...it wasn’t fair to hurt so much from the pain you caused someone else. It was gross and guilt-trippy and…

...so fucking manipulative.

“...thank you for forgiving me…” Kokichi managed to strangle out of his throat. Even if he didn’t feel like he’d earned that forgiveness, even with changed behavior. Going so long without acknowledging Kaito’s pain, even if Kokichi had just been able to understand it, just felt...horrible. But the person who caused the pain didn’t get to dictate how the person they hurt felt. Or how they chose to forgive. 

Still…

Kokichi was huffing softly as he squeezed his eyes shut tight. “...I’m sorry, can we take a m-minute?”

Dr. Mariah nodded, “Of course. Let’s take a full five. You should both know, this is going very well. You should be proud of your progress. I know this is hard, but if it was easy, you wouldn’t need help navigating it. Recognising you’re successfully doing something difficult is a necessity to good mental health, not a narcissistic luxury.”

‘Why does everyone always talk using big, complicated words all in a row here?’ Kaito thought, blinking tiredly at Dr. Mariah before giving Kokichi a worried look. Should he do something? Go hold him? Nnnnngh… he’d just…

...Kaito decided to go pet the koi fish some more. He sat down next to the… pond? Thing? Open plan fish tank? Kaito didn’t know what it was, but he sat next to it and reached in to gently run his hands over the large, friendly fish.

Kokichi knew it wasn’t his pain to bear. Just like Kaito likely felt about his guilt for things he’d done to Kokichi. But...they needed to feel that pain, at least for a while before they could move on. Learn and grow. 

...it was still hard to face cruelties that you committed. Especially if you hadn’t realized it. 

Kokichi brought one leg up on the bench and curled his arm around his knee, burying his face there. His breaths were uneven and, occasionally, there was an almost silent, strangled noise from his throat, but...well, yeah, it was something of a breakdown, but Kokichi was not completely falling apart, and that was a win. 

...he had hurt Kaito so badly… Maki and Shuuichi too, though they had their own things going on, and could look outside it more, but...Kaito? Kokichi had trapped him… It wasn’t the same as what people like that bastard and his brother had done...but it was still cruel. 

He had been trying to be better for a while, though. Getting help with his mental health, communicating better, just...trying to do better by his family, and acknowledge reality. Kaito had forgiven him. And Kokichi was working every day to earn that forgiveness. 

With a sigh, Kokichi peeked out of his arm with red eyes to just...watch Kaito pet the fish. His loving husband who had always put so much faith in him… Who believed with all his heart in the people he loved. 

...Kokichi wasn’t sure if the five minutes were up. 

He didn’t care. 

“...I love you, Kai-chan.”

Kaito looked up at Kokichi, still kind of wishing he could just… take his pain away. 

… he grinned at him, “I love you too, babe. Come pet fish with me. We have, like, three minutes or something left.”

“Four minutes.” Dr. Mariah corrected, sipping her tea.

“Man, I am really bad at judging time.” Kaito laughed, looking back at the fish. Entirely relaxed.

Setting his empty teacup on the table, Kokichi sniffled quietly and...he didn’t wanna hurt the koi with salt from tears. They were freshwater fish, weren’t they? So he washed his hands off before coming to the side of the pond near Kaito and slipping his hand beneath the water, gently petting the large fish that came to butt up against him. Every moment becoming a little more relaxed. 

He could see why Kaito felt so much more comfortable out in the open. Maybe not necessarily around nature, but...Kokichi liked that part. The wind around them, the cool water around his hand, the smooth feeling of the fishes’ scales under his fingers. 

Four calm minutes came and went, and Kokichi washed his hands once again, gently touching Kaito’s arm before he sat back down on the bench. “Thank you… And I’m sorry, you never got to finish your recount, Kai-chan. Please continue...I mean. If you want.”

Kaito also settled back into his own seat, giving Kokichi a searching look. His husband seemed more put together now, the red of his eyes more from having been crying, rather than actively crying. Kaito wished he could just make it so that Kokichi just… never felt bad. But sometimes all you could do was let a person feel their emotions and try not to actively make it worse. He really didn’t think Kokichi had actually done anything wrong, even understanding what Kokichi had said he did… even understanding that maybe Kokichi actually had done that.

It just… didn’t feel malicious. And Kaito didn’t really feel hurt by it. Even if he had been before.

Honestly, the five minutes had been super helpful for him too. As he settled in, he tried to remember where he had left off… looking over at Kokichi…

“... Maybe this is bad?” Kaito grinned, looking genuinely sheepish, his chest filled hot with love, “I feel bad every time it happens… but I think about that first night sometimes. Our first time together. I know I made so many mistakes, and that it was based on something… objectively terrible. So… I always feel bad about how fondly I remember all of it. You were so… cute and fun and sweet… the dance before everything started was so much fun, you were so excited and beautiful, and that robe thing you were wearing… fuck that robe thing haunts my dreams…”

Dr. Mariah raised an eyebrow, “Not to interrupt, but where is this going?”

Kaito shrugged, still looking with open fondness as Kokichi, “I don’t know. I know we’re supposed to talk about things that bother us. Well, sometimes I’m bothered by how… happy I was, during some parts of that day. And how much I enjoyed Kokichi’s company, even during the hard stuff. There was a lot of nice stuff that day.”

Kokichi’s cheeks went pink, but...a sweet, fond smile bloomed on his face, and he reached over to put a hand on the arm of Kaito’s bench, reaching close but not touching. “There was a lot of nice stuff that day.”

“A lot of horrible things happened...but throughout it all, none of it was you, and you made that day...a happy one, for the most part,” Kokichi grinned sheepishly. “Because of you, I can look back on our wedding day fondly.”

“Having my back at breakfast, and when we were going down to the binding ceremony… I know now how...awful all that must have been for you…” One of the most important moments in Kaito’s life, reduced by poor planning and a scheme to poke and annoy surrounded by people who didn’t care. “...but you were still looking out for me, even if it meant going alone. And your plea to Atua…”

Kokichi sighed lovingly, his smile matching beat for beat. “Aiichi said we didn’t have to repeat our vows at the wedding and...even if I could still barely see myself being married...your plea meant everything to me. I know I’ve told you this before, but between all the things you did that day and the night before...I really believed I could be happy living my life with you. I was terrified, and for so long the marriage seemed like a death sentence...but you brought me life, Kai-chan.”

“And then dancing together? It’s different, looking back, knowing what was happening to Shuu-chan and Maki-chan, and knowing the pressure put on you…” Kokichi’s expression tensed a little at that, but it soon smoothed. “...but...just taking the moment for what it was? You made me...the happiest I had ever been.”

...Kokichi flushed after that, and trained his gaze downward. “...and I wish the circumstances had been different, but I don’t regret what came after. I… You were lovely. And I knew you were someone I could trust fully.”

“Aw, the bonding ritual went f…” Kaito hesitated… being a martyr doesn’t help, “...The second half of the bonding ritual went fine. Better than fine, honestly, it was… exciting! And sweet. I knew you weren’t exactly, uh, gung-ho about it, but…” Kaito laughed, closing his eyes, trying to remember as clearly as he could, before doing his to quote.  “...’I want him to never feel completely alone. I want to always be by his side, cheering him on… event for dumb things.’” Kaito laughed, shaking his head before grinning at Kokichi, “I always assumed the ‘dumb’ thing was meant to be the ritual itself, but that’s alright. I took it on the chin. I thought it was cute.”

“And… you made me proud of myself, with how much you trusted me. Like, you were not a guy who trusted people. That was literally one of the only things I knew about you…” Kaito grinned, old warmth that started from that day, filling him in the way that he had known one day it would. The way he had known it’d consume him, what had made him laugh at himself the first moment he had noticed its spark. Foolish Kaito Momota, always falling in love with his friends…

And Kokichi Ouma. Willing and able to take that stupid, loud, heated love and keep it close. Keep it healthy… “You knocked me out when you asked for my help. Seriously, between the vows, and the oaths… asking me for help fucking wrecked me, Kokichi. You had me smitten…”

Dr. Mariah watched this back and forth… before saying gently, “Kaito? I can appreciate this is what you feel like talking about, but… well, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about your perspective of that day. But I just want to be certain you’re not going to discuss it because it’s too difficult, and not because you’re suddenly distracted fawning over your husband.”

Kato laughed sheepishly. “Sorry… distracted. Not painful avoidance or whatever, just caught up.”

Kokichi laughed softly, still his weird braying sound, but gentle and tinkling. “I didn’t mean the ritual, but I’m glad you could find humor in that… You had just told me how people tried to corner you, to cut you off from any help and...I wanted to declare that I’d never leave, not for anything. Even for...less than stellar moments.” Like running a horse to its death, or trying to beat someone to theirs. Locking himself in a tiny room for days on end. Very nearly running from this life, even if Kaito had been on drugs for that. Kokichi would never leave. 

Flushing deeper, Kokichi looked away bashfully, but thankfully Dr. Mariah was there to get them back on track. Laughing again, Kokichi gave his husband a small grin before giving the doctor an apologetic look. “That kind of distraction is really easy for us to fall into.”

“Yeah, we’re kinda insatiable.” Kaito chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “I have heard that we are both ‘very cute’, ‘very obnoxious’, and most often, ‘That Couple’.”

Dr. Mariah rolled her eyes, but the small amused smirk softened the gesture, “I see. Very amusing, and while in any other scenario I’d be fine letting you gush while I think about other things, time is precious, and always, in your case, expensive. So, as someone with your best interests at heart? Focus.”

“Why does everyone tell me that? I focus. I can focus. Kokichi, vouch for me, I can focus, right? Right. Totally, one hundred percent, focused…” Kaito narrowed his eyes, “Where did I leave off?”

“Forget where you left off. You enjoyed the night-”

“With the exception of Kokichi’s lungs failing and it ending up being an elaborate scheme to get me to abuse him, probably, with those facts haunting us for the rest of our lives.” Kaito corrected.

“-- all of that true, with the exception of ‘haunted for the rest of our lives’, because that’s why you are in therapy. Let’s move onto the next morning. Chisa. What happened?”

Kaito sighed, rubbing his arm… right. “...We went down to get breakfast. Chisa said her…” Kaito scowled, “...shitty fucking thing…” his fists tightened, digging his nails into his palm. His whole back tensing into stone.

Dr. Mariah nodded. She wanted to ask more, but didn’t want to distract him again. They had to get through this perspective so that they could start working past it for the both of them. Kokichi was far from at ease from his own description. Kaito, though angrier, did genuinely seem less hurt by the whole thing, and was just more long-winded of a story teller. Dr. Mariah suspected he just enjoyed rambling in general. 

Kaito grit his teeth… before fishing his stone out, rubbing it idly, before continuing, “So, I just really, really wanted her to apologize… and then, admittedly, I wanted her to die, but first the apology. Really wanted that apology… but, Kokichi calmed me down. He kept a cool head, made me realize that, well… he wasn’t going to enjoy me, uh… going through with it. And if it wasn’t going to make him happy, I didn’t want to follow through. So, I went into the kitchen to try to give myself a second to cool down. Which I’m sure the kitchen hated.” Kaito rolled his eyes, “I went back out, and by the time I came back out, General Juzo had already cleared everything up. Then…”

Kaito blinked, “Oh, right. I tried carrying Kokichi and two wooden chairs up literally five flights of stairs… why did I do that?”

Dr. Mariah blinked. “...how far did you get?”

“I think it was three floors? I was in great shape back then.” Kaito sighed, “Six months of travel, carrying and regularly wearing metal armor and swords… sigh.” he said aloud, rather than actually sighing again, looking at his, at least in his own mind, not quite as thick biceps anymore.

Dr. Mariah nodded.

Kokichi tensed a bit as Kaito got to that morning at breakfast. Even hearing it a different way, and Kaito choosing not to reiterate what Chisa had said...it was still hard. They were getting through some incredibly difficult things today, but...even once they got through the stories, maybe answered questions Dr. Mariah had… Kokichi wasn’t going to suddenly feel okay about it today. 

But maybe he’d find a path to get there one day. 

...it was much easier to focus on other stuff though. 

Snorting, Kokichi raised an eyebrow and gave Kaito an incredulous look. “Back then’?! Hun, you’re shredded, don’t even be like that. And...yeah. Three floors, then you carried me up the last two and the little staircase to the observatory while...I think I was close to passing out the whole time.”

Dr. Mariah focused on that, looking over at Kokichi. “Passing out? Why?”

“Kokichi was still in recovery from the lung stuff, and… he was stressed out… what?”

Dr. Mariah was giving Kaito a Look. “Think about it…”

“...Oh, right. Don’t answer questions on his behalf. Sorry Kokichi.” Kaito said, looking sheepishly at his husband. 

Kokichi gave his husband a soft look. “It’s alright, but thank you for giving me a chance to speak.”

“...even if that’s pretty much it,” he sheepishly grinned at Dr. Mariah. “I had barely been able to walk down to the dining hall in the first place, and only with Kai-chan’s help. Then...we were in an extremely upsetting and incredibly stressful situation which...especially if my health is already doing poorly? Can be very difficult for me. I was...kind of drifting, from as soon as Chisa was ushered out by the general, to when Kai-chan and I fell asleep together in the observatory.”

“Our depression nap…” Kaito had meant that as a joke, but his face fell a little, looking a little ashamed as he messed with his meditation crystal, “...I didn’t behave well. Me and Kokichi, especially in the beginning? We fell into this habit of doing these… angry monologues at each other? We’d just lash out at each other in these huge gush of words, never letting each other get a word in edgewise, and… it was bad. It’s one of the big reasons we realized we needed relationship therapy… sort of.” 

Dr. Mariah made a note of that in her journal. Kaito’s emotions spiked at that. She wouldn’t touch it today, but she should come back to that someday: what made you realize you need therapy?

“And, that morning was one of my times. I went on this whole stupid, selfish tangent about my father, uh… wanting to burn Dicea and…” Kaito’s shoulders fell, before looking to Kokichi. “...I never apologized for all of that. That’s not something I should have ever said to you. It was… scary and you were already dealing with a bunch of shit and I cringe every time I think about it. You didn’t need to hear about my fathers fucking… massacre fantasies involving people you care about. I’m sorry, Kokichi.”

...he couldn’t say those words hadn’t haunted him. That sometimes, when he was thinking about the war, and how things could’ve been different...it always circled back to Kaito talking about his father’s obsession and glee with just...senseless murder. Kokichi didn’t doubt that Kaito had fond memories with his parents. But sometimes, with the things other people say about them...and even the stuff Kaito said about them...they barely seemed human. But maybe they were just the class of human that Kokichi had struggled so hard to even have a concept in existence. 

Kokichi’s face fell a little bit, but he gave Kaito a grateful nod. “...thank you. It was difficult to hear… I wish I could be there for everything you want to talk about, and everything you need to get off your chest, and I do want to be there for even uncomfortable or scary things. But...I appreciate you apologizing for telling me some things that...maybe go a little beyond that.”

“...I wish I had been able to do more for you that morning...while we were talking. You’ve always been there to comfort me when I have my own moments and...it felt like I was just sitting there while you really needed someone. I wish I had been able to understand.”

Kaito looked confused at that, searching Kokichi’s face to make sure he understood what he had just said…

“Kokichi.” Kaito said softly, grinning somewhat awkwardly, shrugging, “...Aw, babe, I hope this isn’t shocking, but… I don’t always understand what you’re saying. Some of your problems, your meltdowns, or just the things you feel like talking about, confuse the shit out of me. But… I mean, I know that all I can really do is listen and like… most of the time give kinda stupid advise. Or just make sure you know I’m actually listening, and… as far as I remember? That’s what you did that night. You listened. What else were you supposed to do?”

“...wait, are we supposed to do something else?” Kaito asked Dr. Mariah.

“Did his listening to you make you feel heard that night? Or did it feel like you were talking to a brick wall?”

“Heard.”

“Then that’s usually enough.” Dr. Mariah smiled, “Most of the time when we reach out to people, it’s legitimately just because we don’t want to be alone. If you reach out to someone and by the end of it you still feel unheard and alone in the issue, or actively worse about it? That’s usually the problem.”

Kokichi’s eyes widened a bit in surprise. Legitimately. Because...well, he knew Kaito didn’t get everything he was talking about. But...it always felt like Kaito had a step forward, even if that step was just giving him a hug and saying that they’d think about it more in the morning. 

...he had always felt heard. 

Letting out a small sigh, Kokichi brushed some flyaways out of his face. “...I think I’m always trying to give you solutions. But...sometimes there’s just not. ...I’ve always tried to listen...I’m glad that it’s given you comfort.”

Kokichi let out a short, sudden groan as he leaned back on the bench. “You’ve always been telling me I’m always rushing ahead. Gotta stop trying to see the next ten steps and just...focus on where we are.”

“Well, it’s gonna be a great trait when you’re the leader someday… just not a super great one for, like… I don’t know, functioning on the day to day. And, unfortunately for you, you have to be both a great leader and a person who can function with the small stuff, because you promised me.” Kaito grinned, the tone genuinely light, more said because he always liked to bring that up whenever he had an opportunity too. Kokichi saying all that stuff was legitimately one of his happiest memories, period. It always made him feel light and floaty, thinking about it. “Meanwhile, I personally suck at thinking ten days ahead. I can maybe think till tomorrow. But, haha, jokes on you, I don’t have any major responsibilities that require me to forward think.”

“Kids require a lot of forward thinking.” Dr. Mariah pointed out.

“...ah, shit.” 

Sitting back up straight, Kokichi snorted, looking at Kaito with an amused, fond gaze. He did promise, and Kokichi wasn’t in the business of breaking his promises without scrapping tooth and nail for them. He would leave his close to compulsive planning to work matters, and leave his ‘stop and smell the roses’ mentality all for his family. Enjoying every moment with them he could. 

Jumping on the back of Dr. Mariah’s point, Kokichi raised an eyebrow. “Like what we’re gonna do for Tim’s birthday, and if we wanna plan anything with him before the next school term starts. And, like...everything for Miya. Thankfully we’re gonna be stocked up on supplies for the first few weeks of having her, while we’re losing our minds, but we always gotta make sure to have food and diapers and clean softcloths ready and keeping track of any clothes she’s gonna outgrow…”

“Kai-chan has a lot of planning ahead of him,” Kokichi grinned, “But I know you’ll handle it like a superstar.”

“Atua save me.” Kaito said, eyes wide, before groaning and putting his head in his hands, despairing over all the calendars he’d probably have to buy… where did you even buy calendars!? School always gave him those hand held planners! Do the schools have all the calendars!? Could he get one with hot people on it at least!?

Though, he gave Kokichi a thumbs up, face still buried in his other hand. Didn’t want to worry his husband over calendar related distress. He could handle it! Like a damn supernova!

“...we’re off track again.” Dr. Mariah pointed out, tapping on the cover of her journal, “...this isn’t a bad way of handling stress. Lacing difficult conversations with softness and jokes can actually be incredibly helpful, in your day to day lives… but this is still a difficult conversation we need to have. Let’s get back on topic...”

Dr. Mariah considered her questions…

“I noticed a difference in a focus of names.” Dr. Mariah said. “Kokichi… if you think you’re ready to? Tell me about Chisa.”

“She’s the woman who-”

“Kaito, please.” Dr. Mariah said, giving Kaito a blank look, “I understand it’s a difficult topic. Trying to take the focus off of him won’t make him feel better. And I am very aware of when you’re actually making an honest mistake, and when you’re playing stupid. Don’t tell me you hadn’t meant to.”

Kaito looked shocked at that… before deflating, drawing back into the bench. Retreating. 

Dr. Mariah didn’t like wounding his pride or making him nervous, but again… he needed to be reigned in sometimes. Kokichi needed therapy. Not to be coddled.

Kokichi sighed softly and gave Kaito a small smile before just...kind of kicking his legs above the ground. “...regarding the difference in names...honestly, I do believe that fartface was behind it...or at least heavily involved. But...with Chisa’s confession, there’s no way to prove that it was anything but just her. So...that’s how I talk about it. I know it’s fine with friends, but...I don’t like talking about speculation in legal cases. I have influence that could affect jurors and public perception.”

That said, though… 

“...I barely knew her,” Kokichi sighed again, his voice even, but soft. “Just...that she was one of the secretaries coming as representation of Luminary. Even before Shuu-chan confirmed it to me, considering how she was always walking around with that shitpile, even more than the other representatives, I could guess she was his protege or something…”

A shrug. “She was just...cheerful in an off putting way, though I chalked it up to cultural differences at the time… She was a suspect in Kai-chan’s poisoning, but easily dismissed. ...until that morning, I don’t think I had ever directly talked to her.”

...was his first and only conversation with her really...that?

Kokichi’s face crumpled a little. “...she was so thoughtlessly cruel… Like making other people miserable was a fun, light pastime, and consequences were never even a thought in her mind. I...I had a theory, at one point, that she had been given low doses of the spores over time, but...I mean, it doesn’t make sense. I just...had trouble believing that someone like that existed. The same for that human garbage…”

Dr. Mariah nodded, glancing over at Kaito. “The other name. Kaito?”

“...I actually really don’t want to talk about Tengan.” Kaito realized, “Can we skip him?”

The therapist, to her credit agan, didn’t change her expression at all, before nodding, looking back at Kokichi, “Let’s focus on this perspective then… Kokichi, you’ve said that you stopped Kaito from murdering this woman basically by acting like she didn’t matter. Can you tell us more about that?”

To be honest, Dr. Mariah knew she was treading a fine line right now between being ‘nosy’ and ‘helpful for the thing they asked her for help with’. Her job was to help the two of them with their communication and relationship together, and, while what she’d really like to do is dissect Kokichi’s feelings on Chisa herself, she had an obligation to try to work out ways this experience was stressing the relationship itself… she could try to do both and still feel like she was doing her job, but again. Fine line.

Kokichi did not blame Kaito for not wanting to get into Tengan. There was just...enough there to probably fill a year of sessions with his husband. And...honestly, a lot that he probably needed to work through personally first before they could even begin to discuss how it pertained to their relationship. 

But going back to Chisa… Kokichi nodded, but was quiet for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “...from the moment we saw her...essentially, she wanted to pick a fight. She wanted to see how hurt we were. And...I didn’t want to give her that. And the worst thing to see from someone you’re expecting a reaction from is...complete indifference. Like you’re worth not even a thought to them.”

“...of course I didn’t want Kai-chan to kill her,” he sighed, “So...I just talked about how much of a hassle it would be to...to get blood off the wall and out of the floorboards… How gross the knife would get, so I asked him to take it right to the kitchens to be cleaned to avoid cross-contamination… That she wasn’t worth a quick, happy death, and she would have a boring life ahead of her.”

Kokichi pursed his lips. “...I...I do actually apologize for that, Kai-chan. Even if it wasn’t directed at you...it is shitty to insinuate that. Even to annoy someone trying to goad you into killing them.”

Kaito… actually hadn’t remembered that one, but, yeah… or, not that he hadn’t remembered. Just, he hadn’t remembered that that had actually probably been one of the first times Kaito had ever heard the idea that letting someone live their life was the worst thing you could do to a person… and it had to be the worst. Because if it was good enough for Chisa, after what she did? What she said? Then… then of course she deserved the worst…

Dr. Mariah watched Kaito’s face fall, and feeling silence start to weigh, she had to judge if she should bring attention to it… but Kaito beat her to it as he said, “It’s alright… I think maybe that’s just something people around here believe? Which, I’ve been thinking about it since we talked, but maybe I just can’t get my head around it because I’m applying a different meaning to it than you all are? I mean… it’s not like everyone in Dicea hates their lives and is just barely getting through it, ya know? People seem happy here. So there’s just some… disconnect between what you all are saying and how I’m interpreting it. Culture shock stuff, I guess.”

And, it wasn’t their fault that Kaito was just… suggestable. He had a bad habit of starting to believe anything anyone repeatedly told him. He knew it was a bad habit. It was something he just had to work out with himself.

“...Kokichi, can I ask you something?” Kaito asked, glancing at Dr. Mariah to see if she’d stop him, before looking to Kokichi. “...what did you want to happen with Chisa? What actually happened sucked, we can both agree on that, but you would have also been unhappy with my plans… what would have been yours? If you had gotten a chance to choose her fate for her?”

“Maybe,” Kokichi murmured. It was difficult… Taking someone’s life was one of the worst things you could do. But, also...death was much easier than life, because you didn’t need to consider anyone else or any consequences. It was just...over. You didn’t have to do anything anymore. 

It was just...maybe that death wasn’t considered atonement. 

A near unforgivable tragedy for the innocent. A cheap escape for the irredeemable.

An odd paradox, maybe…

Kokichi looked up at Kaito at his question, and...he looked unsure. ...what he wanted for Chisa…? That...wasn’t really something he had considered at all, really…

His brows furrowed, Kokichi stared at his lap for a good few moments. “...if it had to have happened? Then...I’d want her to have been properly arrested. And considering her disregard and unrepentant state...I’d want her to have been sent to solitary. For her to, personally...be away from anyone she could hurt. And for her to be someone else’s problem to try and sort out the mess that would drive a person to do that…”

...he wanted her to be erased, essentially. Not actionably. He didn’t want her dead, but...his usual hope for the people in solitary, that they could come out the other side better adjusted and able to come back to social life...he didn’t care about that, when it came to her. He just...never wanted to see her again, and for all the “bad” things about her to be gone. 

But for his conscience wants...that meant solitary. 

Kaito nodded at that, not really surprised. Solitary was the only punishment he had ever heard about in Dicea, for serious crimes..., or, he guessed, more serious crimes that nearly punching a guy to death. It made sense that that was what Kokichi would want. Kaito wasn’t really sure what else he had been expecting to hear.

“I suppose I just wanted to know so I could keep it in mind if this ever happens again.” Kaito said, running his face over his hands, “I mean, obviously it won’t. God, for fucks sake, never let it happen again… but just because I can’t… do my own form of justice, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least get yours. So… I’ll try to be better in the future about keeping in mind what you’d actually want from me, as someone sworn to keep you safe.”

Kaito wasn’t sure what that would look like in reality… he supposed it just meant calling the guards and letting them handle everything from there. Let them take the problem away and keep it so that Kokichi wouldn’t have to think about it anymore… Kaito could learn to live with that. Maybe. He could try, anyway. For his families sake.

“...” Kaito wanted to ask Kokichi if he ever daydreamed about what it might be like in solitary. Being taken away and told to raise a garden. Not having to deal with anyone else anymore, or the life you left behind… Kaito had spent so much time thinking that might happen to him, that he had found something almost alluring in the thought. Or, he had, anyway. Back when things were really tough. When being taken away seemed easier than staying and dealing with his anger and fears… “...Kokichi, I want to apologize for something again? But like… it’s not really related to the Chisa stuff, and I’m not really sure how to clarify it? I just…”

“...I feel like there was a portion of time where I made everything worse because I had given up on this idea that anything could be better.” Kaito confessed, so clearly lost in some inner thought that Dr. Mariah held back her desire to encourage him to focus again, curious where this was going, “I don’t feel like that anymore, and I think that’s whats making it so obvious to me now in hindsight that that’s what I was doing… beating up Budd, trying to kill Nao...and while the despair pollen with Togami made me crazy, I don’t think it was the pollen itself that made me… choose the method I used? Like the direction I went with it. Trying to run… the idea of leaving made me really, really sad, but it mostly stressed me out because I knew how much it’d disappoint everyone in my life if I gave into those feelings. But… I did feel like that. Like everything was really hard and I kept finding this idea of giving up more and more enticing…”

Katio sighed, looking to Kokichi, “And I think me giving up made things worse. Sort of a self-fulfilling prophesy, sort of thing. And… I guess I’m just sorry you had to deal with me self-destructing like that. Especially since knowing me, I wasn’t being super clear how… difficult I was finding things, at the time. That’s not fair on you, or Shuichi, or Maki, or Tim… it’s easier to see that now. And… I’m really sorry.”

Kokichi nodded slightly. Luminous justice relied so much on personal actions. But in Dicea, and Kokichi being wholefed on the beliefs of the country...there was a process. Meant to treat everyone equally before it. And sometimes that meant someone who had hurt you deeply got to walk around with a slap on the wrist...but it meant that someone else wouldn’t have their life arbitrarily destroyed by the very system meant to support them. And Kokichi deeply respected that. 

...if Kaito promising to respect Kokichi’s wishes meant that Kokichi didn’t have to worry about hearing that his husband had been arrested every time someone was a dick? Then that was a promise Kokichi appreciated. 

Though, the apology he followed it up with…

Kokichi’s eyes widened. Some things Kaito was saying sounding...very familiar. 

Not caring, Kokichi got up from his seat and went over to wrap his arms around Kaito in a tight hug. “Thank you,” he affirmed, his voice slightly muffled by Kaito’s shoulder. “...that kind of apology means the world to me. And I forgive you...I forgive you with every promise we made to keep moving forward.”

“...it’s really hard to realize all that, huh. To grapple with that temptation, and...eventually realize how much it was just making things harder on top of everything else…” Kokichi let out a large breath, just hugging Kaito tighter. “...I can’t claim to know exactly how you were feeling. But...how you describe it? I really understand that… And it’s so hard, hun… I’m really proud of you for...making it past that feeling.”

And it was true. Kokichi was just...exuding pride and affection. 

It was really hard to move past suicidal thoughts. And even more to realize how much you were making yourself miserable, and making things harder on the people who stuck around. Even if Kaito was talking more about a death of identity than his literal life...it was the same, at the end of it all. 

Kaito was mildly surprised at Kokichi’s reaction, but still easily accepted the hug, rubbing his back in mild confusion. Again, Kaito didn’t really always understand Kokichi, or Shuichi, when they talked about their suicidal tendencies, and because of that couldn’t really recognize anything comparable to his own experience with theirs. So he… really hadn’t known what to expect from Kokichi, but having him relate to the feeling and being proud of him wasn’t it.

… is that what Kokichi and Shuichi were talking about all the time? The ‘want to run away’ feeling?

Kaito’s brow furrowed at that a little, “...thanks, Kokichi… do… do you feel like that now?”

Kokichi was congratulating Kaito on making it past the hurdle, and Kaito was suddenly worried that… this was how Kokichi felt all the time… and Kaito really had no idea where Kokichi’s head was with that.

Dr. Mariah’s eyes narrowed, again, debating interfering. That could be a dangerous question… she’d let it play out for now…

Smiling softly, Kokichi gave Kaito one last squeeze and kissed his cheek before going back to his bench. Shaking his head gently. “No. Sometimes I do… Sometimes it’s so big I don’t know what to do, and it overwhelms me...but I haven’t felt that way in a while. And not so strongly in a while more,” he grinned. “Therapy and antidepressants have definitely been helping.”

“Sometimes I might feel like that again in the future, but...I know I have a lot of help to find my way again, and I have a lot of reasons to stay.” Kokichi’s gaze got softer, like the softest fluffy blanket you could imagine. “I promised you, didn’t I? I promised to stay.”

Kaito gave Kokichi a long, concerned look… before grinning back at him. A little uneasily, but a genuine one as he said, “Yeah, you did… okay.”

Dr. Mariah relaxed a little. Questions like that could sometimes trigger into overthinking and then back into suicidal ideation for the person being questioned, but it looked like Kokichi’s therapist was making good strides there. Excellent.

Alright. She had to lead them back to the original topic though. This was an important event in both of their lives. The more they understood each other in regards to what happened that day, the easier it’d be to discuss it plainly between each other in the future, along with other events like it. It was worth diving into.

“...Kaito?” Dr. Mariah decided, getting the red heads attention, “You asked Kokichi what he was hoping to get from that day, justice wise. In an ideal world. Well… what does that look like to you? What would have happened in an ideal world?”

Kaito gave her a look that just bordered on being offensive, like he thought it was obvious to the point of being stupid to ask. “I would have killed them. I feel like I’ve made that clear.”

“Indulge me. Pretend like I don’t understand what that means.” Dr. Mariah said gently, glancing briefly at Kokichi, “What does that look like, to you?”

To his credit, Kaito thought about it, the sounds of the busy streets below filling in the silence, allowing him to relax and take his time with it. No time limit, nothing bad was waiting for him if he mis-spoke…

“...Okay, I still would argue that I had an obligation to kill her. Both of them.” Kaito said, “But… in an ideal world? I really wanted that apology more than anything. If she had recognized that her life was in Kokichi’s hands, if she begged him for mercy, denouncing all the shit she said and did against him? Especially in front of everyone who had heard her and knew what she did? Even if she had survived that encounter, that… probably would have been enough for me. I wanted her to fear Kokichi. I wanted anyone who ever even considered doing what she did to fear Kokichi. My husband deserves respect.”

“Not fear you?”

Kaito shrugged, “Only in the sense of what I can and would do for Kokichi. In an ideal world, people wouldn’t… dismiss that or roll their eyes at it or laugh. They’d respect him… she should have either died or showed him that respect.”

...was that what respect meant in Luminary? The thing that Kaito and Maki and Shuuichi sighed to each other about that they couldn’t find in Dicea? Or...was that something more unique to them? Or maybe some sort of middle ground. 

...though, things Kokichi knew of Luminary did make sense when considered through the angle that people wanted to be feared. 

Kokichi didn’t know what to do, though. It was not only cruel and dismissive, but just...wrong to say that Kaito shouldn’t be comforted by that. He was, so that’s what they were working with. Kaito knew Kokichi’s wishes, and while he wanted that sort of fear-based respect, he wasn’t going to enforce that. So...was he just...supposed to acknowledge it, and they both know that that was a point they would never agree on?

Kokichi sighed softly, looking a little tired, but also contemplative. Gaining clarity to more of the person his husband was. “I see… That...makes a lot of sense, with things you’ve talked about before…”

Kaito glanced at Kokichi, suddenly alarmed. Had he… said something wrong? Kokichi sounded disappointed. Why?

Dr. Mariah glanced at Kokichi as well, but decided to keep digging. They could parse through the mess after. “So, is your ultimate concept of justice an apology, Kaito? Would that have been enough, from Tengan and Chisa?”

Kaito’s face darkened at that, fussing with his stone. “...I guess… if they felt properly defeated? Like they couldn’t harm him again… I guess so? I don’t know.”

“Do apologies come hard, in Luminary?”

Kaito shrugged, “Apologies come hard everywhere. If people thought they were doing something wrong, they wouldn’t do it in the first place. Forcing them to acknowledge they were in the wrong is… at least a start. Isn’t it?”

“So an apology is just the start, then? Not the goal?”

Kaito hesitated, glancing at Kokichi to gauge his reaction. “...Uh… I don’t… know?”

...people knowingly did wrong things all the time. Sometimes just on impulses, which was something they usually needed to sort out with a therapist, but sometimes because they felt they had no other choice. Like they were backed into a corner, or just couldn’t get themselves in a position where they could do what they thought was right. Sometimes they did things without any thought at all, and it was only through reflection or someone else confronting them that they could see where their morality pointed. 

Apologies could be difficult. Coming to terms with someone else’s pain that you caused was difficult. But if someone was truly regretful for what they’d done...they would push themselves to make the effort. 

...if you forced that acknowledgement...it didn’t mean anything. If anything...it would just strengthen their own convictions and cause them to resent you, wouldn’t it? Was...that where Kaito was coming from, when they had first ever talked about apologies, when he said just talking to someone wasn’t enough?

Kokichi nodded consideringly, just...puzzling through a view that was foreign, even with all the pieces and clues his family had given him over the past year. 

Giving his husband a curious look, Kokichi asked. “...well...if an apology is only the start of what you want, then...is...is it something like...them feeling scared and humiliated, to the point they’d never consider hurting you again out of that fear, and...other people seeing that, and not wanting to hurt you either for fear of the same happening again?”

Kaito searched Kokichi’s expression. “...I mean, I think so? I mean… I know you guys don’t do it like that here. I think I’ve gotten my head around that. I just… ha.”

Kaito suddenly laughed, shaking his head, “You know, sometimes I think it was kind of inevitable, that our countries went to war. Not because of my dads temper, or the famine, or potato farms or whatever… if you want to piss off a Luminary? Or, I guess, at least the kind of people I grew up around… maybe it’s a bad idea to generalize like that. But if you wanted to piss off most of us? There’s no easier way to do it than to show just… no fear. To a threat or a confrontation or… but, like, in Dicea? You all act that way. I’ve never seen anyone here act intimidated outside of Waku, and her fears are more… mental illness than her actual personality. You all just stare each other down, constantly. It’s amazing to me you all don’t rip each other apart.”

Dr. Mariah raised an eyebrow. “Phrasing, Kaito. Try again.”

“Phrasing?... oh! No, I mean, I don’t mean you should be attacking each other! Or that I’d want that! I just mean… it’s amazing how well everyone here gets along. I just… I’m sorry.” Kaito deflated, “I don’t know how to express it. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just so different from everything I’ve ever known… but I’m getting better at reading a room here, I swear.”

Kokichi smiled grimly. He really wanted to believe otherwise, but Kaito had a trenchant point. The way Luminaries and Diceans did...everything was different. And while differences didn’t always have to lead to conflict...there were basic goals of life that were directly opposed, when it came to the broad social strokes of each country. 

Luminaries found security in others’ fear. Diceans found security in a community devoid of fear. 

Giving Kaito a tender look, Kokichi nodded. “You are better at judging atmosphere. To the point where...I feel bad, sometimes, that you have had to change so much and, at times, go against your beliefs and...I know it is different. Because you live in Dicea, and it’s not purely a compromise between just us, but…”

Kokichi’s smile saddened a bit. “...you’re really brave. To do all that...and do it so well. And I… I find it...much harder to leave behind my own beliefs… And that feels really shitty when I see how much you’re compromising, because we’re supposed to...be equal, you know? Take equal steps towards each other to come to an understanding. And yet I...I have trouble even trying to convince myself to even try.”

Grimacing, Kokichi’s self-directed distaste was clear. He had always thought himself open-minded, but trying to find certain things in Luminous culture to try and compromise with just...left him feeling angry and stubborn.

Kaito shrugged, then grinned, “Hey, I mean, I moved here, ya know? It’d have been hard for you if you had come to Luminary… hell, you’d have probably just died out of protest, if you had come to Luminary…” Kaito said, something grimly certain in that idea, “...and I think, when it all comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter if you’re right or not. It’s just… how do you function where you are, right? Isn’t that what Maki said? I feel like Maki said that, I can’t remember…”

Kaito tapped the back of his heels against the roof flooring, looking down at the koi fish… “You know, Byakuya used to get so frustrated, when we went to Novoselic. I honestly think that’s why we went to visit so rarely. He was always… this close to losing his shit there.” Kaito grinned, putting his thumb and index finger close to each other, “Because in Novoselic? They have a monarchy and a noble class, sure, but… it’s basically just for show?” 

“It’s entirely symbolic, royal status in Novoselic. I know that Sonia will be able to get Byakuya good work and keep the family comfortable with her influence there, but… being the prince in Novoselic was the equivalent of being a favored pet by the greater population, and being a ‘Lord’ is mostly just fun trivia for people who have forgotten they were ever nobles to think about sometimes, or discover when they go through history archives. They think crests are very cool. Very niche. My friends in Novoselic got such a kick out of comparing all the little symbolisms in their family crests. Like it was quirky, rather than extremely serious.”

“Byakuya hated it… he hated his status making the general population look at him like he was ‘cute’. Like his family scandals were ‘juicy’. Like marriages and divorces and deaths in the royal family were more just...I don’t know. Like people were following what was happening to the royal class like it was some sort of interesting story to gossip about, rather than anything with any real consequence. It was insulting. Almost everything anyone said to us was low-key insulting. Cause no one feared us, or our family, or even their royal family.”

“They didn’t bow, but they’d giggle and bow back when we did. Thought it was cute. They didn’t spar or duel either. Submission bows weren’t a thing. They… aren’t like Diceans. They’re not… nice. If anything, the’re cold. Really cold. Everyone’s constantly professional. Even among friends. Formal titles, formal speech, from high class to low class, every interaction carefully managed...but they didn’t handle anything violently either. They’re just constantly trying to destroy each others reputations, to win fights. Which is considered an extreme path to go to in Luminary. Hurting someone is personal. Destroying their reputation puts at risk their legacy, and the legacy of anyone connected with them. Novoselic one hundred percent based their social relationships on that, ya know? ...I remember thinking it was terrifying.”

“But, maybe that’s just because I grew up… specifically in Luminary. Novoselic and Dicea both do things differently, but they’re both closer to each other, societal structuring wise, than either of them are to Luminary. Kimigashine doesn’t do any of the Luminary stuff either, no bowing, no spars, everything’s settled through money and courts over there, which still feels closer to you guys than us...Danganronpa has their own fucking problems, holy shit, but I don’t think they solve problems through violence either…”

Kaito shrugged. “If everyone else in the world does it different? Maybe there’s just something fundamentally wrong with Luminaries philosophies and societies. It all makes sense to me. It all feels moral to me. For the most part, anyway. I get how it works… but everywhere I go, Luminaries known as a nightmare. And… I just gotta… accept that maybe it is.”

Dr. Mariah looked genuinely surprised, “That’s… a very well thought out observation, Kaito.”

Kaito laughed, shrugging tiredly, a defeated look on his face, “I’ve had so much time to think about it. Let me tell ya.”

It was true, and Kokichi had said as much. And while he knew now that it had been cruel to insinuate that he wouldn’t have been able to survive in Luminary...Kokichi did think there was some truth to it. He just...wasn’t any of the things that Luminary held in esteem. And even if he survived...happiness would’ve had to come in small, purposeful moments. The broad strokes would’ve made him miserable. 

...and that was the crux of it, wasn’t it. Kokichi didn’t want to compromise with Luminary values and beliefs because...they made him miserable. If Kokichi made someone scared, then it was because he’d done something wrong. If he was scared of someone, it was because they had hurt him badly. There were many forms of strength that were admirable, but physically strong just wasn’t something Kokichi was. And the idea of using strength against someone else made him sick. 

No accountability, money and status dictating that you could basically do whatever you wanted the more you had, the idea that you could lose your access to life? They were all things common in Luminary that made Kokichi deeply unsettled. 

...but it was his husband’s culture, so...he needed to make an effort anyway...right?

...maybe?

Kokichi didn’t know what to say, so he just gave Kaito an apologetic look. 

(...though, later, when it wasn’t going to totally derail the conversation, he wanted to ask what a crest was. Something that had symbolism so...Kaito definitely wasn’t talking about, like, the crest of a wave…)

Kaito, again, deflated a little. Not sure how to take Kokichi’s silence. Maybe it wasn’t good enough to just know something was wrong with his home… Kokichi probably would just be disappointed till Kaito understood and agreed with him. He was really trying…

“...anyway, yeah, I don’t know.” Kaito said softly, “I guess when it all comes down to it I just wish they had apologized before they left. Apologies help.”

“Do you two think this is something the two of you will ever pursue?” Dr. Mariah asked, feeling the uncertainty and reluctance radiating off of the both of them, and taking her time with it. She had a few suspicions over what was happening between the two right now, mostly that they were falling into old habits of refusing to talk to each other about things they’d worry will upset the other. She had talked about this bad habit with both of them before, but it wasn’t uncommon to watch her patients slide backwards during particularly difficult conversation topics. She didn’t want to make either of them defensive directly calling it out, so she’d see what she could do from here. “Chisa is banished, I’m aware, but would getting some sort of apology from her bring either of you closure?”

“At this point? For me? ...I can’t really imagine having a conversation with her that doesn’t make me hate her a little more.” Kaito confessed, before adding in, “And, honestly… it’s not looking likely that will ever happen anyway. There’s a current theory that the Luminary Party had some sort of… supply issue or some sort of emergency on the way home? They veered off towards the Danganronpa border at some point and just disappeared. No sign of them in a year. Most people think there was some sort of accident or medical emergency or something… but by this point, it’s not looking like anyone survived.”

“I’m sorry.” Dr. Mariah said sincerely, “That must be difficult, Kaito, considering you traveled with them for so long.”

“They might still be okay and just recovering somewhere.” Kaito said automatically, “But, if not, Atua’s taking care of them now. They’re… they’re okay.”

Apologies did help...sometimes. Sometimes it was just too little too late. Kokichi did want to forgive people since he truly believed that people changed and grew, and that everyone had something special and unique to offer to the world, but…

...did he want to forgive them?

Kokichi gave Dr. Mariah a slightly worried look when she suggested even the hypothetical of talking with Chisa and that dickhead again, since… Well, he supposed it wasn’t ubiquitous knowledge… 

He nodded along with Kaito’s explanation, adding softly, “They were monitored up to the Dicean border, to make sure Chisa respected the terms of her banishment, but after that...nothing.” And it was difficult to investigate anything more. They knew the Party’s whereabouts all the way to the border, so...there wasn’t too much point in investigating that. And there had been countless searches along the border from that point to make sure the Party hadn’t doubled back. It was pretty much assured the Party disappeared outside of Dicea. And...they had no authority to investigate in Luminary or Danganronpa. The Party had no Dicean citizens. Sure, Kokichi figured there was someone covertly poking around, but...it had to be secret. There would be no protection for them in foreign lands. 

And...still, there was no news. 

After a moment, Kokichi, not wanting Dr. Mariah to have to repeat herself, considered her initial question. “...purely hypothetically… I don’t know. For a long time...it really pulled at me, wondering just...why she had done it,” Kokichi sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose gently. “And...I just had to come to terms that she did it just...because some people are cruel.”

“...if she offered me a genuine apology? I’m not sure… I still don’t think I’d want anything to do with her. But...I don’t know. It might just...close that chapter.” Kokichi shrugged a little before looking annoyed. “...I don’t want an apology from the fucker, though. He can stay out of my life for the rest of time.”

Dr. Mariah nodded-- it was a reasonable way to feel, not every apology would ease the events around it-- but she looked curious at Kokichi as she noted, more purely out of interest than anything else, “I’ve noticed you refuse to say Tengan’s name, Kokichi… Kaito, I know you don’t want to talk about Tengan, but is it comfortable with you for Kokichi to talk about him?”

Kaito, maybe surprisingly, automatically nodded, “I mean… look, we can talk about Tengan. I just don’t… that’s just… there’s nothing that I, personally, could say about him that wouldn’t become like… a ‘thing’. Every time I bring him up in personal therapy, it’s always a ‘thing’... and like, I don’t think that would help us here. Talking about all that stuff.”

“But, if Kokichi wants to get something off his chest or wants to let me know about stuff… great! All for the better.”

Kokichi huffed softly, but soon gave Kaito a gentle look. Even if Kaito was fine with him talking...Kokichi wouldn’t get too deep into things. What Tengan did to Kaito, which Kokichi knew only the smallest fraction of, was Kaito’s business to talk about. His choice and his power to bring up, and have control of the narrative. But Kokichi could address his anger without getting into it. 

Sighing, Kokichi smiled a little. “It’s...a little silly. I...don’t really remember what we were specifically talking about...I think it might’ve been one of my nightmares? But...while we were talking, Kai-chan said that we could just call him ‘that fucker’. I know it was just kind of a one-off, but…”

Kokichi’s expression softened into a sort of vulnerability. “...it makes me feel better. Tengan was a giant control freak, and...having my own control to even refer to him just...feels better. And...it’s kinda just been habit at this point. Though it’s hard to stay creative over long conversations,” he softly laughed.

Oooooooh, right.

Kaito had been struggling to not call him ‘master’ at the time. That was right… cause Tengan, of course, had wanted to fuck with him just a little more before he left with that fucking word… it had gotten into Kaito’s head. He didn’t like to be reminded of those sessions in his childhood. He wasn’t a kid anymore. No one was allowed to treat him like that anymore.

Byakuya had made him stop… his brother had made all of that stop. Because his brother had been strong where Kaito had been scared and pathetic and weak.

...Kaito just wished his brother had been kind, sometimes.

And hadn’t killed their parents.

Maybe even more the second one then the first.

Yeah.

“I forgot about all of that.” Kaito admitted with a small chuckle, giving Kokichi a fond look. “I think I probably did just mean it for that conversation, but… it’s kinda nice to know you kept it up on your own. I think I knew you were doing it somewhat, I just… we don’t talk about him a lot in general.”

“It sometimes seems like you two don’t talk about most of your traumas.” Dr. Mariah noted. “I know that’s a part of the reason one ends up going to relationship counseling, to learn how to speak about difficult things like that. But considering how extreme and recent most of these events are, it’s somewhat surprising to hear you all talk about them here as if they’re new subjects for you entirely. Is there a reason you all don’t talk about these things on your own time?”

Kaito hesitated, before shrugging a little, “... I feel like we do? Talk about stuff like this… I think we just don’t like to dwell.”

“Try to not answer for Kokichi, Kaito.”

Kaito nodded, “...I think I don’t like to dwell. Like… when you start thinking about stuff like that… when are you supposed to stop?”

Kokichi sighed softly but nodded along with Kaito, smiling just barely. “It’s really easy to just...keep it going in circles in your head. Shuu-chan and I talked about it once… How to even start to find the balance between just...pretending like something never happened and trying to move on immediately,” Kokichi explained, omitting that that person in their example had been Kaito, “And then analysing every little moment from it to...well, I think the intent is to try and see where you went wrong, or if there was anything you could do that would prevent future tragedies from happening, but...I think at a point it can be obsessing just to obsess and...never giving yourself a break to heal from it.”

Considering things for a moment, Kokichi shrugged a little. “...we’ve talked about some things, but… I’m trying to be better about...talking to people about these things. And...Shuu-chan and I, at least...kinda have an understanding that when we talk about shitty stuff from our childhoods, the other person is gonna be kind of horrified but...we’ll calm from it eventually. Especially since a lot of things happened so long ago.”

“As for more recent things…” Kokichi paused, before sighing. Thinking of...all the times he’d just sort of shut down conversations. “...I don’t know what to say. And for the really bad stuff...it makes me really sad and upset and then...it just freaks everyone out, and we still don’t actually talk about it. I think...I just need a long time to process things… After the coast, I barely spoke at all, let alone about what happened.”

Dr. Mariah nodded, tapping her finger idly on her journal. “Understandable… and since then?”

Kaito glanced at the fish, looking a little sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck, “...I mean, I’m certain we’ve talked about it a little…”

Had they? They must have. For fucks sake, Kaito and Shuichi had spent a considerable amount of time the last few months trying to make certain their bastard child would be adopted and taken care of by someone they could trust, they must have talked about it…

… he really couldn’t remember doing so…

Kokichi hesitated, looking a bit shame-faced as he came to a...similar conclusion. “...er...mostly...Shuu-chan and I talked about it. A few times. He...he noticed that I was blaming myself for the family’s deaths, and...actually, one was the same conversation I talked about, with how much to dwell on things…”

He and Shuuichi had had a few conversations about it. Usually Kokichi just going quiet in a different conversation, and Shuuichi asking about it and...while Kokichi didn’t really know how to start that sort of conversation? He had, looking back, really needed to talk about it with someone. And Shuuichi had been that someone. 

Dr. Mariah nodded at this. Then looked at Kaito. “Kaito? Have you talked to anyone about this?”

What was there for Kaito to talk about? It hadn’t happened to Kaito.

Stop it stop it acting like a ‘martyr’ in the relationship isn’t helping anyone.

“Um…” Kaito scratched his knee a little, “...I mean, I’ve… prayed about it and stuff.”

“Have you talked about it with your therapist?”

“It hasn’t come up yet.” Kaito admitted.

“Kokichi? Have you discussed the coast incidents with your personal therapist? Or just with Shuichi?”

Kokichi nodded gently. “We have. There’s...probably still stuff to unpack there because…” Kokichi let out a large breath and just kind of gave Dr. Mariah a wide-eyed looked like ‘hoooooly shit there’s so much to unpack there’. “...I mean, I know you like hearing about our stuff from us but...it was all over the papers. That’s enough to know, without getting into it, that...it was big.”

Again, Kokichi paused for a moment before turning to Kaito, giving his husband a slightly guilty look. “...it’s probably something the two of us should’ve talked about a long time ago. I’m sorry for not coming to you. Especially...I mean...even I could tell how scared you were… Having a spouse kidnapped is horrific.”

And Kokichi would know. Even having Kaito almost kidnapped terrified the shit out of him. 

Kaito gave Kokichi a soft look, opening his mouth automatically to say it had all worked out fine, so it was fine, but… “...I just wish stuff like that would stop happening to you… both of you. All of you. Sometimes I feel like everything’s fine one second, and then the next second, one of you is always just… something’s happening to you…” he chuckled grimly, “Not that I’m any better, I guess. We just… terrible things keep happening…”

Dr. Mariah sighed, “I know it might sometimes seem like I’m digging into trauma for its own sake, but ultimately I’m your relationship counselor, and I’m trying to find holes in your communication… and I feel like we’re stumbling into a rather glaring one. Refusing to talk about past, personal trauma is one thing… but this is shared trauma. This is things that happened to both of you, and it seems like your habit has become to ignore your shared trauma, rather than grieve together…”

Leaning back into her chair, Dr. Mariah thought about it… before asking, “Individually? What are your grieving methods. You don’t grieve together. Do you grieve apart?”

“Um…” Kaito scratched his chin, “I mean, yeah. I used to spend too much time in my shrine in prayer, I guess, when it comes to, like… ‘grieving’. It was actually kind of a problem, I’d… lose track of time in there. Sometimes lots of time. I’ve gotten better about it though.”

“So you don’t do that now?”

“I try not to, yeah.”

“So how do you grieve on your own now?”

“...” Kaito blinked. “...I… talk to Waku sometimes… I’ve been learning to cook…”

It sucked to say, but...kind of, yeah? Terrible things did keep happening. And not even just terrible things, but things that kept knocking them off balance over and over...for so long, Kokichi just...had no concept of what ‘normal’ was anymore, because they had never been given a break to exist together, and his normal before Kaito and Shuuichi and Maki and Tim came to Dicea just...was never going to be his life again. 

Grieving together...even for things he had experienced with others in the past, Kokichi had never really… How did you do that?

Kokichi heard Kaito’s uncertainty in his own answer, and...Kokichi didn’t really have anything better. “...I usually just...get really sad for a while and try to do low effort things with people until...it feels like I can live again. I’m not...really sure what I actually do, as like, quantifiable things, though…”

Dr. Mariah almost said that these two should seriously just be spending time crying together at some point, but she was starting to suspect that unless they were mid-breaking point anyway, they just weren’t the types to know how to do that. Shame… men especially, but too many people were never taught growing up how to healthy cry. Crying was reserved for mental breakdowns only, it seemed.

“Again, I do feel like we talk about stuff.” Kaito tried to insist-- following his impulse to ‘succeed’ at these therapy sessions, Dr. Mariah suspected-- as he saw the young looking woman pause, considering their answers, “We do. Challenging things. And… like, Kokichi talks to…” Kaito glanced uncertainly at his husband, “Shuichi about this stuff, and Shuichi was there too. And I talk to Waku cause like… heh, cause she’ll let me, honestly.” Kaito laughed, looking fond.

Dr. Mariah raised an eyebrow. “Do others not let you?”

“No, that’s not what I… I mean like… like she wants to hear about it and-”

“Others don’t want to hear about it?”

“Stop it.” Kaito suddenly barked, a genuinely frustrated, angry look on his face, it clearly an order… before his face fell in embarrassment, and he muttered, “Sorry, sorry, I mean… sorry, that was rude.” as he pulled his stone back out of his pocket, his polishing rag from his other pocket.

Dr. Mariah looked back and forth between the two… she was starting to think she was getting a better image of the problem, though it was only suspicions. Kaito’s anger issues might be a fairly large factor in the breakdown of mutual grieving… hard to grieve together when one person’s response to being overstimulated was to get angry… hmmm…

She might have an idea of an exercise they could try.

Kokichi tensed a little when Kaito was pushed into a wall, judging a million little factors in a moment to decide if he needed to intervene, and what that intervention would look like, but it turned out that he didn’t need to. Though...Kokichi still gave his husband a concerned look, worried just from the normal kind of worry that came with seeing a loved one stressed. 

Giving him a few moments, Kokichi tried to reach out, emotionally. “...I’m glad you have the sort of friendship you have with Waku-chan. I’m glad that you can talk to her about difficult things, and I think that people really need people other than their partners to talk to about stuff. So...you confiding in her? I’m all about that.”

“...but I do want to know where your head’s at, and stuff that bothers you,” he softly continued. “...I know I haven’t been the best at initiating those sorts of conversations, or letting them flourish...but I want to be better. And I really do care.”

To Dr. Mariah, he continued. “...I know we haven’t really given you an idea, but...it’s not floundering to say that we have had difficult conversations. Just...maybe not always in the best ways…” Kokichi sighed, a flurry of memories of blank-eyed sliding to the ground while Kaito freaked out going through his mind. “...we’ve talked about the people who once made attempts on my life...about Kai-chan’s parents, and...various things going on in Luminary. About what the future looks like for us, when neither of us were particularly hopeful about it. Just...so many cultural differences, and expectations of how we want to be treated.”

“Not all of those conversations were handled well, or delved into as deep as we should’ve,” Kokichi admitted. “But we have tried to talk. The biggest reason we wanted to get therapy together was that we tried to talk, and...it never quite seemed like we were on the same page. So...we wanted to learn how to be better...not how to start from scratch.”

Dr. Mariah reserved her communication exercise, deciding to bring it up after this, since this looked like a wide open door to a potentially extremely important discussion between them.

“I understand that.” Though, difficult conversations weren't the same as grieving together. “... May I ask what you both thought were the biggest hurdles in finishing these conversations in a healthy way? From your own perspectives?”

“Ummmm…” Kaito thought about some of the tougher conversations he and Kokichi had had… before looking embarrassed, “... I have a really bad habit of walking away from those conversations? Like, storming off. I just don’t want to be… angry around my family. So I leave when I can feel myself getting out of control. Not a great way to keep a conversation going…”

“Other than that… I don’t know. We just don’t like to upset each other, so we stop when we do. Right?” Kaito asked, glancing at Kokichi.

Kokichi...hesitated. 

“...at first,” he just barely spoke clearly enough to avoid mumbling, looking...not quite at either Kaito or Dr. Mariah. “I didn’t mind upsetting you. Or getting upset. I always thought...that was a pure sign of learning something truly new. Or experiencing a new perspective, and not just hearing something you already agreed with or glossing over something. I thought that us getting upset meant we were really exchanging our thoughts and ideas…”

Kokichi looked a bit uncomfortable right then, never really...having ever talked about this to his family. “...but it wasn’t actually like that. After enough...you just seemed stressed out and embarrassed and...I felt bad. So...I stopped asking so many questions…”

“It really didn’t help that we were strangers starting from the middle of the book and trying to maintain a marriage we both weren’t ready for,” he sighed. 

“Now, though?” Kokichi shrugged a little, though...he looked kind of embarrassed. “...once we had to stop ‘cause I was going hypothermic. And...a lot of our late night talks, I think...we just kinda peter out into silence so...we shelve it. Maybe just ‘cause we’re tired, but...maybe ‘cause we needed to think more. I’m not really sure…”

Kaito’s shoulders fell a little. 

“...you don’t need to worry about me, babe…” Kaito muttered… though he clearly wasn’t sure how to continue that sentiment. He had literally just said that he had a bad habit of walking away and getting angry and… it made sense if Kokichi stopped talking to him because he… ya know. Got angry and… embarrassed, he guessed.

A silence seemed to come over them.

Dr. Mariah considered her idea again… well, why not. Worst came to worst, it just wouldn’t work.

“I have some homework for you two.” Dr. Mariah said, “Just you two, I’d like to focus on your ability to communicate, rather than the three of you as a unit this time.” Especially considering Kokchi seemed better at communicating with Shuichi than Kaito. “Here’s the idea… I’d like you both to set aside an hour or so, either tonight or just at some point before our next session… preferably a few times, if you find it helps.”

“I’d like you to try to communicate about something ‘difficult’,” Dr. Mariah said, “Entirely through letters.”

“...why?” Kaito asked, looking a little underwhelmed by the idea.

“Primarily? It gives you both time to think about what you want to say.” Dr. Mariah explained, “And also, we tend to communicate ideas a little differently in the written form, things that get lost in a stream of words easier to organize written down. But, mostly, I just want to start putting you through more exercises to explore communication options. Not with the idea that eventually you’ll just communicate through letters. More to just find new ways to start having those tough conversations.”

The thing was...was that Kokichi wanted to. And for this specifically...it had been his whole motivation. After seeing Kaito’s confidence plummet, to see him stop being proud and start being...timid and unsure...hearing that he felt like a monster? Of course Kokichi didn’t want his husband to feel like that, and he couldn’t see anything productive in those feelings for even just a little while. So...he stopped digging into conversations that would bring up that kind of stuff. 

...and now...he just didn’t know how to talk about their difficulties together at all. Not that he had ever been good at bringing his own problems to people…

As Dr. Mariah brought up their homework for the week...Kokichi couldn’t help looking a little tired. More letters… 

But if it helped them talk… No on the spot thinking, no instant reactions…

Nodding softly, Kokichi offered Kaito a small smile. “I’m willing to give it a shot. I know you know where to find more, but there still should be plenty of writing supplies in our desk in our room.”

Kaito was less than sold that this would accomplish anything, but… “Alright.” he shrugged, idly playing with the stone that he had been convinced wouldn’t do anything either, “I mean, obviously we’ll try anything you want to suggest, Dr. Mariah.”

“Excellent. That said…” The doctor looked down at her pocket watch, sighing, “That comes to the end of our session. I know it might not feel like it, but you two really did make good strides today. Not every session is always going to feel incredibly fulfilling, but each one is a step in the right direction. I promise you.”

“Yeah, yeah, we know.” Kaito grinned, standing up and stretching a little, “Every little bit is progress. Miss Crystal’s always going on about that too.”

Kokichi snorted softly, his eyes still a little sore from earlier. “I’d still say this was...impactful, if not really fulfilling in the moment, but...yeah. ‘S kinda the goal, for therapy...progress. Dr. Egami’s on that train too.”

Getting up to stretch a bit as well, Kokichi gave Dr. Mariah a thankful smile. “Thank you for your help today, and, as usual, thanks for being flexible with our weird schedule. And...believe me. Once she’s feeling better? Shuu-chan and I are really trying to get Maki-chan to agree to come to a session.”

Going up to Kaito, Kokichi gently reached out for his hand, even if they’d have to let go to go back down the narrow staircase to the bottom floor. “D’ya wanna stop anywhere before heading back home? Food or supplies or anything? I’m cool with stopping by the hobby store if you wanted to pick up anything.”

A quick squeezing of Kokichi’s hand, Kaito thought about it… “Let’s stop by the hobby shop, yeah. I’ll grab something new for me and Tim to fuss around with, we finished up the last of the figurines he had a real interest for. He likes the monsters.”

As they left the building, “...” Kaito opened his mouth, not sure if this should be something they should talk about in letters or… “...Kokichi, do you think I’m…”

“...” he let the question die on his lps, “Nevermind. Maybe it’s a letter thing. I don’t know.”

Kokichi idly people-watched as they walked, giving a few people waves who seemed more at attention to see the princes out and about. He still got surprised attention every time, but...these days, it definitely wasn’t everyone. Slowly but surely, people were getting used to seeing him out in public. As himself. It was nice…

He gently squeezed Kaito’s hand. “...it might be a letter thing. But we’re not only supposed to talk to each other in letters. If it’s something on your mind that you wanna talk about, then...we can talk about it.”

“...ugh, this is kind of a stupid question… Maki would call it ‘pathetic’.” Kaito knew, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand, unphased by the acknowledgment Kokichi was getting. Kaito was used to Kokichi getting a little bit of attention everywhere they went. “...do you… do I seem, like… ‘fragile’ to you?”

“Not like, ‘fragile’, fragile, fragile’s a bad word for it, but like…” Kaito chewed the inside of his lip, “... I don’t know, I can’t think of a better word, I guess.”

Fragile? 

Kokichi’s brow furrowed, but...he paused. Considering everything they had been talking about in therapy. ...it was better to take the time to think about your words and feelings, even if it was impulsive to say the first thing that came to mind. 

“...you can be a little volatile, at times,” Kokichi settled on, bopping his head against Kaito’s arm in affection, particularly for his next words. “It can be really nice sometimes. You feel things so strongly… If you get in a good mood, you kinda...sweep us all into this vision of such a bright world...I really love it about you. Your passion and vivaciousness.”

“But because of that...it means you feel other emotions strongly too. And…” Kokichi sighed. “...yeah, that does make me more aware of what I bring up. To not pile on things that would provoke anger and fear and sadness...because you feel it all so strongly. And while it’s normal and healthy to feel those things...I get worried at your extremes. So...I try not to provoke them.”

“I mean…” Kaito glanced uneasily down at Kokichi, “Is it the anger specifically? I’m really trying my best with that, I really don’t… want to be the kind of person you have to be afraid of getting angry. Like, you… you know I’d never hurt you, right? Not for anything?”

Kokichi looked up and tried to give Kaito a reassuring look as he squeezed his hand again. “I know you’d never hurt me, and...I’m not scared of your anger, Kai-chan. Yeah, sometimes in the past I’ve been worried about you getting yourself into trouble through your anger, but...when it’s the two of us? I know you’d never hurt me.”

“It’s not specifically the anger. It’s…” Kokichi paused again, trying to collect his words. “...it’s difficult to talk to me sometimes, I know. Because I feel strongly too. And...that comes out in tears. Crying isn’t a bad thing, but...you feel bad when I start crying because of something we’re talking about, right? That’s how I feel when I see your anger and sorrow and fear… I feel bad for provoking that sort of reaction from you, even if it’s just...the natural way you feel emotions.”

“...” Kaito swung Kokichi’s arm a little, before pulling him in closer, putting his arm around his shoulder, hugging him, and then groaning, “Are we bad at communicating?”

“Like, I know we kind of are! Because that’s what we’re going to therapy for. And, like… that’s great, that we’re working on it. But, like… but also that’s not why we started going to relationship therapy? Is it? Or… sorry, dammit, I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I don’t… want to be so emotional that you don’t feel like you can talk to me. I want you to be able to talk to me. And I’m really… sorry, that, like…” Kaito realized he was rambling and not actually getting to the point and groaned, running a hand over his face, “And now I’m just doing it again cause like… this is just me being emotional again! Am I actually an emotional person!? I might be an emotional person.”

Kaito glared at the sidewalk, just mad at himself… before sighing. “Sorry.”

...was that not why they started therapy? Kokichi had said it at their session, but...was even that miscommunicated? 

They walked in silence for a moment, Kaito steaming himself up and letting it out. Kokichi leaned closer to him, hugging his arm affectionately for a moment. “You’re good. And...maybe this is a letter thing. You have a point and...maybe taking the time to write it out, and...like Dr. Mariah was saying, having a different approach to writing than we do for speaking...maybe that will help you convey what you want to convey. Then...I can take the time to do the same, and write you back with the same sort of thoughtfulness.”

“...it’s frustrating,” he softly agreed, rubbing his thumb down the side of Kaito’s hand. “But...well, she said this too. That we’ve already made a lot of progress. We can be proud of how far we’ve come, even if we can still see that there’s plenty of road still to walk. And...along with being proud of ourselves…”

Kokichi’s voice hushed, not out of fear or embarrassment, but...to be a little more intimate with his husband. He looked up at him with sincere, glimmering eyes, his purple pools deep with love. “I’m really proud of you, Kai-chan. Sometimes so much it wells up in my chest enough I wanna explode and scream out to the world about how amazing you are, and demand that other people take notice so they can be awed and inspired and proud too. We both have flaws...but that doesn’t mean I’m not almost overwhelmed at times with how proud of you I am. I...I think I should say that more. It’s a good thing to remind you of, even if it’s...yanno, known. Like saying I love you.”

Kaito looked down at Kokichi, a little startled by all that… before grinning, a flush coming to his face as he leaned down to kiss Kokichi quickly, “You’re a sweet heart, you know that? It’s not fair how cute you are sometimes. And… thanks. It’s nice to hear stuff like that.” Kaito admitted, shrugging a little, a little sheepish about it. “You know I love you too, and that you always make me proud, right? You’re one of the… the most considerate and responsible people I’ve literally ever met. Honestly? You might be one of the best people I’ve ever met, just… period.”

“Dicea’s really lucky to have you… I am too.” Kaito said, “And...I think maybe I am… kind of easy to embarrass? I never really noticed before, if I’m honest. I probably get it from my mom. Definitely not my dad. Nothing embarrassed that guy. He was… probably confident to a fault.” Kaito laughed, “... anyway, I think what I’m trying to say is I know what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it, because… it’s nice to know you’re proud of me. And I’m sorry I’m the kind of person who probably needs to be reminded of stuff like that. And I’m sorry I’m the kind of person who’d be sorry about that…”

“...please for the love of Atua don’t let me keep talking, holy shit I am rambly and awkward today.” Kaito muttered.

Kokichi smiled at the kiss, just...happy with Kaito’s reassurance. Kaito was the kind of person to get personal satisfaction out of pleasuring his partners, making them happy, and Kokichi...while you could call it making his partners happy too...he loved to uplift them. The joy he got, knowing that he’d gotten through to someone, or just...generally seeing someone make it through the dark clouds...he really loved seeing it. 

And it was nice to be called sweet, even if it was a common thing for his husband to comment on. 

Laughing kindly, Kokichi nuzzled his cheek against Kaito’s arm. “I like your rambles, whether it’s on something you’re interested in, or just...rambles in general. And...I’ll just say, it’s good to remind people of the good things, whether they need to hear it or not. The thing about honesty people tend to forget is that there’s a lot of positivity to comment on, along with more blunt criticisms.”

“When you feel like you need it, or it’s just a spur of the moment...I want to affirm over and over all the things I feel about you. Just...cause it’s a good thing to do.”

...Kokichi could leave it there, but...Kaito hardly ever got to just...talk about his parents. And even if Shuuichi was definitely not the person to talk to about them...Kokichi wanted to encourage it. He didn’t want Kaito left feeling like there was an entire part of him he had to keep to himself, or that he was only “allowed” to talk to with Waku, as thankful as Kokichi was that he could talk to her. 

Sighing wistfully, Kokichi gave Kaito a small smile. “Of course literally any trait can be faulty in excess… I kind of envy that kind of confidence your dad had, even if I can only base it off your description. To just be...fearless to what you and others do...it’s something I wish I had more of.”

“Maybe… I mean, I don’t really know if my dad was as confident as he presented himself. Leaders can’t show weaknesses like doubt or indecision in Luminary, it’s just one of those ‘not done’ things there? So, as my dad and, like… King, if he did have doubts? He’d never show us that.” Kaito said, not certain if he had ever seen Dicea leadership express that sort of weakness, but kind of just assuming by this point that they did. Whatever Luminary did, assuming Dicea did the opposite was usually the safe bet. “But sometimes I think maybe it would have helped him to have… someone he could express that too, ya know? Maybe I’m just assuming he didn’t, but like… “

“So, I get a lot of my emotional outbursts from my dad. I’m super aware of that, people have been point that out to me my whole life. I’m… a lot like my dad. I even look like him. Have you ever seen a portrait of King Leon, Kokichi? I’ve seen paintings of him closer to my age, and honestly, the more I get older?-- Based on those old pictures, I think the more I’m going to look like him. I think that used to give dad mixed feelings, looking at me… um, anyway, sorry, my original point. What was I trying to say… oh! That, like, thinking about it, I think if I wasn’t insecure enough to second guess my own decisions more often? I think I’d make… a lot more bad decisions. And I think that’s maybe a good thing for me, personally, that I have doubts and insecurities. Keeps me from acting crazy… -er. Crazier.” Kaito grinned, looking down at Kokichi, as he said, “And I know you have a lot of self doubt about a lot of things, but… maybe that’s partly why you make such a good leader? Maybe? Cause leaders gotta listen, right?”

That was true… It was hard to know what was a front and what someone’s true demeanor was if they never showed it to you. And...well, they had just talked about the incident in therapy. Kaito had never really gotten to know his father. 

Kokichi never heard much that was flattering about King Leon, but...as someone who was reconciling with his own father? It was still disappointing. Maybe, if only for his own curiosity, he’d ask Aiichi about his school days with Leon and Sayaka. 

Listening to Kaito really talk about his dad, he had to think for a moment before nodding, just...vaguely remembering a portrait of a redhead with an intense stare. “I’ve seen one… I have no idea when it was painted, though. Or if it was even by someone who had actually seen your dad. Really...I just know that you guys have the same hair color.”

It didn’t sound like Kaito wanted to get into it at all, but...Kokichi couldn’t think of a reason why a parent would have mixed feelings about their child looking like them. It just...kinda made sense, right? Even with how weird genetics could be. At least Kokichi could understand why Aiichi would have mixed feelings about how much Kokichi looked like Miyako--as wonderful as having a living callback to a passed loved one was, it could be painful too.

Maybe that was something Kokichi would ask more about in the future. Maybe in a letter. Maybe...he’d finally ask all those questions he’d elected not to ask. 

Nodding slowly, Kokichi nudged Kaito’s side at the ‘crazy’ comment but he smiled with a shrug. “Moderation in all things, right? Doubt keeps us from making mistakes, but confidence lets us improve and change. It’s a balancing act...like most things. A leader has to listen...but they have to be able to believe in themself and be able to sort through the relevant things people say. We really encourage people bringing in ideas but...like, even with ideas that me or my father or anyone else in administration brings up? Like...I don’t know, 70? 80% of it doesn’t go anywhere or is shot down or has to be edited and amended so many times it barely resembles the original idea. Having more ideas come in just means the 30 to 20% are a lot more ideas than what would happen with just our own...and they’re probably a lot better too.”

“I think there are a lot of ways to be a leader, but...I mean, I try.” Kokichi smiled up at Kaito, pressing close. “And it makes me happy that it looks good to you.”

“I mean, everything looks good on you.” Kaito smirked. “And, just putting it out there babe, if you suddenly decided to be a raging tyrant and, like, order people around and wanted to keep your poor, rebellious husband in bed all the time in skimpy underwear, like… I’d be so disappointed in you. And not find it sexy at all… though, only if your new villainous lifestyle keeps Shuchi happy and comfortable. And be super nice to and a good parent to Miyako. And don’t be so bad that Maki feels a need to overthrow you, that might get messy for our friendship...”

Kokichi nodded sagely. “It would complicate more than a few things. Lots of things to consider when you decide to completely change the entire way you interface with the world.”

Kokichi raised an eyebrow, having an idea of the answer, but...still. He had to ask. “Do you want to wear skimpy underwear? You know you can just do that, right? I dunno if it’d get more than a blush and a scandalized yell of your name from Shuu-chan, though. And you don’t need to wear anything special to get me looking.”

(Though Kaito’s more casual post-workout lounging, when he had the time and desire to hang out a little before taking a shower...hoo.)

“Though~” Kokichi sang, giving his husband a wink, “We are getting into crop-top season. And less, depending on how hot it gets. I dunno if trying to follow the kind of style Tomomi and Amber were wearing for Hanami is really your style, though.”

Kaito snorted at that a little, “Honestly, ‘Kichi, I like joking about those looks more than I like wearing them. If it’s not making someone laugh? I lose interest in the concept of, like, golden underwear and silks and chains and all that stuff. That’s all, like… ‘play’ clothes, I guess, in my head. Something you wear to get a specific reaction out of people, not because they’re actually good to wear.”

“I really like… I like clothes that kind of give people the impression that I’m going to a semi-formal meeting, but I’m the cool person at the semi-formal meeting.” Kaito grinned, genuinely amused to be suddenly talking about this. “Sexy semi-formal. That’s the stuff I actually feel good in. Dark colors, but not black. Sophisticated. And… I like acting goofy sometimes, but I like being able to turn it off and act serious and stuff, and I want clothes that let me do that, ya know? Without feeling like I’m just… some kid pretending to be an adult.”

“...you know what’s weird?” Kaito said, “People talk about their childhoods sometimes like they’d go back and do it forever, if they could? But I’ve never felt like that. I really liked becoming an adult. I know being a kid and a teenager had its perks, but… most of it was miserable. Wasn’t it?” Kaito frowned, rubbing the back of his neck as he said, “...maybe I’m weird for feeling like that.”

That...seemed very like Kaito, honestly. His husband was ever the actor, and he was very good at comedy. Making people laugh and feel at ease in the bedroom? It felt right in line with Kokichi’s image of his husband. 

As...kind of was his actual preferred fashion, though it wasn’t something Kokichi would think right away. And...especially looking at some of the flashier items in their closet. “Mm...I can see that. And you do pull off that look well. Kai-chan in button downs that are just altered enough to not be stuffy, or well-fitting v-necks? Such a look! But, also, capes.”

Kokichi snickered softly, but he soon calmed, his expression growing...not quite wistful. But maybe wistful for something he never had. “I think a lot of people have a very...rose-tinted view of their childhood. There’s a certain freedom in not having large responsibilities, and being at a stage in your life where experimentation is...kind of your whole deal. But...kids have so little autonomy, and there’s so much that they’re still figuring out, though that kind of learning doesn’t exactly go away as an adult…”

“Though,” Kokichi smiled thinly, “I don’t think I’ll be blowing your mind to say that, in particular, we had unusually difficult childhoods. I...still kind of feel like a kid, sometimes, honestly… But...I don’t want to be anywhere else in time. No amount of nostalgia is worth what I have now.”

“Heh. There’s that sweet heart again.” Kaito kissed against Kokichi’s temple before straightening up, “...thanks for being patient with me Kokichi. Or, maybe for just being patient in general? The worlds been fucked up to you, even if it wasn’t as bad as you thought it was once. And you still came out sweet… I’m very lucky to have you.”

“I could throw that right back at you, you know,” Kokichi giggled, hugging around Kaito’s arm for a moment as they turned onto the street Kaito’s regular hobby shop was on. “Kai-chan’s a sweet, caring, passionate, wonderful person...because and regardless of everything the world’s thrown at him. It’s the luckiest thing in the world that I got to marry for love, even if I didn’t know it at the time.”

“For you to be in my life? That’s always the path I’d choose.”

-

“That’s what you said?” Maki asked, giving Kokichi a raise eyebrow after messily blowing her nose, her hands shaking a little as she rasped, “‘For you to be in my life, that’s always the path I’d choose’?”

Maki was… technically doing worse. She was paler, and had circles under her eyes, and was wearing a loose sleeping shirt that looked far too nice to be a loose sleeping shirt, because it was actually one of Kaito’s shirts and was expensive and was now a snot-covered sick shirt. Kokichi and Maki were spending time in her room, because after Kokichi had told her and Shuichi about how his and Kaito’s day, while Kaito showed Timothy the new monstrous figurines he had gotten for them to paint, and Shuichi and Maki had both looked at each other, and after Timothy went to head to his room to do homework, Shuichi had dragged Kaito back to their room and Maki had kept Kokichi to hear more about his day. 

“That’s so corny. You’re so corny.” Maki sniffed, blinking slowly… before saying, “So, you’re gonna do the letter thing, right? I can run the letters to Kaito.”

It was only luck that Kokichi hadn’t caught Maki’s pneumonia while they had been hanging out before, but...well, maybe Kokichi really hadn’t learned anything, but he was determined to keep hanging out with her. But, to soothe worries and protect himself, Kokichi did concede to wear a mask while they were chilling in close quarters. 

Kokichi shrugged a little with a grin, idly tracing patterns in the new rug he’d gotten for Maki’s room. It was nothing too long textured or brightly colored, so it would be extremely hard to hide anything in or under it, but it was comfortable to the touch. “I’m corny. I like saying that kind of stuff to Kai-chan and Shuu-chan--it makes me happy. Especially when they get all embarrassed from me earnestly saying stuff like that.”

Soon, though, his cheer turned into a “really?” look. “I’m not gonna ask you to run the letters, Maki-chan. We can go on a short walk or something if you want to stretch your legs, but I’m not gonna ask you to move any more than you absolutely want to. We’re not forbidden from seeing each other or anything--Kai-chan and I can trade our letters ourselves.”

Maki rolled her eyes, “I offered because I wanted to do it, not because you asked me to. Watching you and Kaito try to have a ‘deep and meaningful’ conversation entirely through letters seems like a hoot. I’m bored. I spend too much time in bed and I’m not a fan of reading. Or games. Or staying in bed.”

She smirked…. And then burst into coughs. Which was all well and good, because Kokichi couldn’t see her smirks behind her own mask anyway, though she did lower it briefly to blow her nose again, dumping her tissue haphazardly on the other side of her bed to clean up later, when she cared more about the mess. “Running letters for you would be the most interesting part of my day. Also, I’m expecting colorful commentary about what Kaito writes…” she glanced tiredly at Kokichi, “I mean, unless that’s not how this works. Your therapist will get to read the letters, right? It’s not like it’s private.”

Kokichi sighed, but smiled a bit. He knew that all this was just miserable for Maki, even if the circumstances around her return had been different. And while he didn’t mind lounging in bed, he was well aware of how maddening it could be. As long as she didn’t try to push herself into exhaustion, maybe moving around a little would do her good, if just in spirits. 

Gossip might help too. Though…

Kokichi raised his eyebrows in slight surprise. “I mean, she didn’t ask to see the letters. It might help out, though, if we’re still missing each others’ mark. She might be able to pinpoint where we’re going wrong...but otherwise, no. It’s just practice trying to communicate with each other in different ways, and trying to figure out better ways to do it in, like...all ways.”

“If she reads or not, we’ll probably talk about what we’ve written, though,” he shrugged. “And while there might be stuff that Kai-chan wants to keep private...I don’t mind fillin’ Maki-chan in on everything else. I’d expect Kai-chan to do the same with Shuu-chan, if Shuu-chan’s not literally just reading them over his shoulder.”

“He is definitely either doing that, or watching Kaito’s hand motions.” Maki said, mimicking the act of writing in the air as she explained, “He can’t do it with everyone, but Shuichi can know what some people with specific handwriting styles are writing based on how they move their wrists while they’re writing. He just has to see their handwriting first and, if its the right type? He can tell with pretty good accuracy what they’re writing from then on just by watching them do it. He’s got mine and Kaito’s handwriting down, as much as that annoyed me as a teenager.”

“...I don’t really understand you’re alls therapy. But Kaito and Shuichi talk about it like it makes them happy.” Maki said, giving out a raspy sigh, “And Kaito’s anger issues… really are better. The fact that I’m still here is maybe the greatest testament to that.”

She looked tiredly at Kokichi. “...you’ll swear to me they’re not being brainwashed? They’re not in danger with this stuff? Letters don’t seem all that brainwashy and dangerous, but… you’ll swear it?”

Kokichi snorted, but he looked appropriately--or maybe even more--impressed with that new bit of trivia. Another Shuuichi superpower...wow. And one that definitely befit his boyfriend’s nosy nature. 

Smiling softly at Maki… Shuuichi had had the same concerns. And Kokichi understood, if not directly, then at least clearly that there were huge reasons for them to be. So, with the proper gravity, he nodded, briefly placing a hand over his heart. “I swear it. We get exercises, but...there’s no outside penalty to not doing them, and the exercises aren’t...tricks.”

“It’s like…” Kokichi sighed, trying to think of a way to explain, because...they were sort of manipulating themselves, in a way. If you chose to think about it that way. But it wasn’t anything like what his friends had experienced in Luminary, and even now Kokichi struggled to explain the difference in a way that mattered. “It’s like...having a coach.”

“A coach gives you tips on how to improve in...whatever sport or discipline you’re doing, right? They kinda tell you what to do...but it’s your choice to do them, and to listen to the advice. Because you really want to be better at the sport.”

“Kai-chan, Shuu-chan, and I want a healthier relationship. A guide to being able to one day solve really difficult problems on our own without hurting each other in the process.” Kokichi’s expression softened. “I want to be a better person...and to me, that means being kinder to myself and the people around me. For those goals...our therapists are our coaches. Helping us practice and giving us a plan when we don’t know where to go.”

Kokichi rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish shrug. “...in some ways, I think you might just have to see it for yourself, though. Get a better idea of what we’re doing, and if it’s something that might appeal to you. Doesn’t work for everyone.”

Maki supposed that made sense… she had always intended to stop the therapy sessions on Kaito if there were any possibility that they were conditioning sessions, but, she had made that decision too late, and hadn’t understood the warning signs that Kaito wasn’t being conditioned but was being abused by his first ‘therapist’... just not in a ‘conditioning’ way. And when she had tried to compensate for her mistake with Miss Crystal, well… she had observed easily the first dozen sessions between Kaito and Miss Crystal and it was just… mostly the woman trying to get Kaito to open up about things that bothered him, from Maki’s eavesdropping.

Maki was willing to accept that Kaito was safe with Miss Crystal, at least, but coming back to find that Shuichi was now in therapy too, along with Kokichi, all three of them with a new person…

“I’ll come to observe the second I’m well.” Maki said somewhat grimly, if only because she still just wanted to confirm they were safe… and then her left eye twitched, a shock of fear running through her, as she quickly added in, “If Kaito’s okay with it.”

Kokichi nodded not without a bit of humor. Even if she didn’t want to be a participant...well, she’d be there, and that might be enough for Dr. Mariah. But...Kokichi gave Maki a long, curious look at her...out of character amendment. 

...Kaito had said that Maki had asked to be his responsibility. 

Slowly, Kokichi started, “...our therapist actually wanted to ask you some questions at some point...since you’re such an important person in our lives. Just...getting a clearer picture of things, I suppose it’d be… I’ve mentioned that I’ve confided in you for things, and...well, today especially, we’ve talked about opening up to people and how to express trauma and grief and...the concept of grieving as a group, though I’m still not...entirely sure how to do that…”

Kokichi trailed off before re-focusing his wandering gaze back on Maki. Giving her...not quite a gentle look, like you might to a nervous animal. But still something gentle. A promise to not pry. “...do you...wanna talk about things? Therapists are a huge help but...I mean...I said it before. I’m willing to listen. About…”

He shrugged, just trying to...list vague things off. “...responsibility. Burden. Choices… It’s not always something a listening ear needs, but...I think I might be able to understand some things.”

“...it’s not nice things.” Maki said dryly, something almost callous in the remark. But she glanced at Kokichi, and something foriegn flashed through her face, something close to self-admonishment as she corrected, “Not that you’d think it was. You’re raised to be a leader. You were raised to be a leader during a time of war… I’m certain you understand the burden of impossible choices.”

Maki said all of this matter of factly. Something dry and distant in the observation, though her eyes flickered to the wall, a silence coming over her. A somewhat unusual pause in her thinking, like she was carefully considering her next words. She wasn’t prone to pauses in conversation, before. She had never been uncertain in her thinking, before.

In a lot of ways, life was far more… straight forward. When you had work in front of you. Work you believed in. Work that defined you as a person. 

Maki’s life lacked a definition now, and she had never felt more uncertain or adrift.

Maki lacked purpose.

Maki lacked focus.

Maki didn't know what was meant to come next… and was too afraid to think about it.

And a part of her knew all of this. Was keenly aware that this was one of her newly made issues. And she had already talked to Shuichi about it a little, but Shuichi’s disapproval radiated off of him as she spoke. She knew he was still angry that she had left in the first place. Thought of her ideas of purpose as bullshit, regardless of her success. 

And she wasn’t sure if Kokichi could actually relate. She liked to think he could. She wanted to talk about it to someone… but Kokichi was still on his path. Carefully designed and polished for him. Still had purpose, where she had lost hers… honestly, maybe Kaito would understand that feeling more than anyone else, out of their group. But she couldn’t go to Kaito about it. Shuichi was angry. Kaito was furious.

Maki thought about all of this… didn’t know what to share with Kokichi…

“I’ll trade you,” she said, “if you want to hear about it. Every bit of gossip you share with me about Kaito? Every… thought you have about your own situation? I’ll trade you one of mine. Until you don’t want them anymore.”

She didn’t know why this felt right. 

(Maybe it was that same part of her that had, in a life long past, had reached out to Bathul for help, of all the gods to help her…) 

“Responsibility rarely is,” Kokichi quietly responded. There was a lot of pleasure in responsibility. The freedoms that came with it, and the products of whatever you were responsible for, whether that be a project or a life. But...the actual responsibility itself? It usually came down to difficult choices, either choosing the lesser of two evils, or making a sacrifice towards your responsibility. 

Even for noble goals, it wasn’t very “nice”. 

And Maki understood that, and understood that he knew too. 

In a lot of ways...Kokichi felt himself relating a lot to Maki, even if their paths were wildly different. But it didn’t mean he understood her, or what she was going through. It just meant...he cared, and cared in certain nuances that might mean the world or be completely irrelevant. But he cared, and he could offer to hear her out. 

Kokichi smiled slightly at the deal Maki proposed. Feeling...fond at the idea of trades. (Trades weren’t always good things, and constantly having to make them for yourself was exhausting...but even still, Kokichi had a fondness for those with a propensity for it.)

“I’ll take you up on that. I’ve missed gossiping with you about things too… Okay. My thoughts for yours.”

Though, that kind of depended on whenever Kaito finished his letter...and it felt weird now, trying to pivot onto lighter things when they’d just go right back. 

An image of Shuuichi’s surprised face popped up in Kokichi’s mind. 

Shifting to stretch one leg out, while he kept the other bent and held onto his shin with his hands, Kokichi tilted his head slightly. “...do you remember that day Kaede was going to call for the first time? And I freaked out on you guys...and then Kai-chan brought me back and I got that awful cold?”

Kokichi looked off to the side, not proud of that day in...any capacity. “...Shuu-chan was surprised when we talked about it, so...I don’t think you guys knew. I was sitting on the ground outside in the Memorial Garden that whole time I was gone. When Kai-chan brought me to Seiko, she said I was going hypothermic. It wasn’t really...purposeful, but...that was still a suicidal action.”

Maki laid down on her bed, laying on her side on the edge of the bed, in her overly-expensive, stolen t-shirt. She looked down at Kokichi, small wheezes in her breathing. Her gaze constantly mildly exhausted these days.

“...” Maki made a little humming sound, and then started to cough. And when she stopped, she sighed, “You’re so stupid.”

Not feeling like reaching for a handkerchief, Maki snorted and rubbed her nose with the collar of her newly made sleeping shirt, and sighed again, “It’s astounding you idiots are all still alive. Though, for suicide attempts, freezing to death sounds peaceful. I suppose if you feel like you have to go… though, next time? If you really mean it? I have quicker, cleaner methods. If you wanted to insult me and then go kill yourself, you could have at least given me the pleasure of doing it for you.”

Kokichi smiled wanely, and while Maki would only be able to see his cheeks move a little under his mask, there was a grim humor in his eyes that read much more clearly. “I don’t know if pleasure is exactly right… But I’ve made a promise to not go. I care about you guys too much and...I respect myself more than that. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that but...it’s getting better.”

“...that’s the thing about suicide attempts, at least in my experience,” he murmured, strangely at peace, if dampened, with the macabre subject. “...I never really wanted to die. I wanted a lot of things...to stop hurting. To run away. To make other people happy. But not actually...death. It just seemed like the proper vehicle.”

“...there are a lot of ways to make sure you’d actually die.” Kokichi’s gaze darkened, remembering a disjointed memory of blood in grass. “...I never did any of those. Every time I tried...I still left enough of a chance for someone to find me. It wasn’t active, but...that chance is like...someone calling out in the only way they know, when they’re in that dark place, wanting to run...it’s their way of calling out for help. People who actually want death? They don’t leave that chance.”

“...still, there are some people who don’t leave that chance, but still don’t want death. They just are too convinced that there’s no one who’d respond to their call.”

Blinking, Kokichi looked back up at Maki with a soft look. “...I know how to ask for help actively now, though. So even when I’m struggling...I’m not going to slip that far. I’m not leaving something like that to chance anymore...I’m going to demand it. So...Maki-chan doesn’t have to ache about me ever asking something like that.”

Maki wished that… ugh. ‘Wish’.

But, yeah. Maki wished that she felt strong right now. Could stand up and stride over to the other side of the room, without worrying about getting him sick, and tilt his chin in her hand to make certain she had his full attention and seem bigger than life as she told him she’d expect him to live up to his words.

...but she was tired. So instead, she just said softly, “I’d expect so. I’ll just say again… if you ever decide too? Truly decide to? Please… come to me. It’ll be quick. It’ll be painless. And most importantly… I’ll be able to get my vengeance on you immediately. For daring to leave us. For leaving them.”

The words didn’t feel intimidating on her lips. They felt almost pathetic. She felt a little pathetic. She knew, at the moment, if Kokichi came to her, saying he wanted to die, and that he wanted her help, that her answer now would be different than it would have been, say, roughly nine months ago. 

It was pathetic, but… she’d probably do something foolish.

Like cry and beg him not to go.

Ugh…

“...why did you get so angry, that day?” Maki asked, “I think back to that conversation… all I can come to is that it just became too much, what I was asking of you. The burden of it. The sheer… weight of it all…”

Maki blinked tiredly, “I’ve already apologized to you once, about that. But I suppose it deserves saying again. I should have never involved you in Kaede and I’s schemes. My choices felt logical at the time, but looking back at it? I was very blatantly using you. I was being extremely cruel… I think  part of me knew that Kaede’s support in my plans was biased. That she was… using me for her own ambitions. And she was. I realized all of that after I left. You were right, if that brings you any comfort. She was using me… I suppose I thought if I had your support? Dicea’s support?”

“... Maybe Kaito wouldn’t blame me.” Maki said in a soft voice, “He never blamed me for my orders before. Always told me it wasn’t my fault, that it was the fault of the people who ordered me. If not just Kaede, but also you, his husband, the heir apparent of Dicea, deemed it a worthy mission? ...then maybe my actions were just me being a tools for a greater power again. And Kaito couldn’t… wouldn’t blame me.”

“I never should have tried to use you in that way.” Maki said, “I apologize again, and more. If you went to kill yourself after that conversation, than I’ll claim responsibility for that. Regardless of what the final straw was. I’m certain I made things impossible for you. I was being selfish, with you.”

Kokichi gave his friend a minutely amused look, but his words weren’t light. “Suicide isn’t kind to anyone. If I ever came to you, asking to die...it would be cruel to us both. And I would hope you had more faith in me, to get me real help instead of giving up on me. But...that’s not going to happen. I made a promise, and I’m not leaving. I’m not going to leave you, or them.”

As for why that whole thing happened… Kokichi sighed, leaning back a little as his resolve retreated with the issue it was attached to. He still...wasn’t entirely sure. It was still something he was working through. 

But Maki’s take on it… A lot of things made sense. Kokichi had never considered the angle that...Maki was trying to take the power out of her own hands. To save what she could of Kaito’s trust. 

Acknowledge. Forgive. Explain. 

“...it does hurt, knowing that you wanted to...use me to manipulate my husband to save your relationship,” Kokichi softly admitted. “So...thank you for the apology. And...I forgive you. I know how precious the bond between you and Kai-chan is...I cannot blame you for wanting to preserve it. Just for how you tried to. But I forgive you.”

Kokichi sighed, blinking slowly. “...even if it was right...I shouldn’t have said what I did about Kaede trying to use you. I had no basis of fact, and even if I wanted to talk to you about it...there were countless better ways to go about it than I did. To use it as a weapon, rather than concern. For that, and for hurting you with my own pain and selfishness...I’m sorry, Maki-chan.”

There was a beat of silence before Kokichi let out a little breath. “...my therapist and I talk about that day off and on. I’m still not sure what...I even did that day, or why, or what I was feeling. But...I do have a theory now.”

“...there’s trauma, associated with having your worldview...broken, I guess, for lack of a better term. To suddenly see that reality isn’t what you thought it was. I’ve been going through a lot of that this past year...to the point where my trauma responses have significantly and intensely hurt the people around me.” Kokichi sighed again, a grim set in his eyes. “...realizing that I’d been gaslighting Kai-chan for months was...quite a time, today.”

“My best guess? That conversation was another straw. So I shut down into...a psychological breakdown, essentially. I was so set in my own vision of reality that, even with the fairly mundane things we were talking about...just seeing that those things didn’t line up? It was too much for me. It wasn’t so much me buckling under the pressure of responsibility, though that certainly wasn’t helping, and I think I did break from that later...but just...my world falling apart. And I didn’t have the skills or recognition to deal with it in a healthy or productive way.”

Maki raised an eyebrow. ‘Gaslighting’... she knew she had heard Kaito use that word before, but she didn’t know what it meant. Hm. Should she ask? Maybe she could ask Shuichi what the word meant later, she hated needing to ask clarification for words…

Though, the rest of Kokichi’s explanation made more sense, “I suppose that’s not surprising. You went from not knowing or experiencing much past your home town your whole life, to suddenly living in close corners with foreigners. And culture shock can hit in ways you don’t expect. I’ve certainly felt my fair share of it, and I’ve hardly always handled it with grace.”

And, frankly, Maki was just better equipped for crushing, bitter disappointment, from the world. Growing up an assassin had required more than a few sacrifices in her childhood, and one of them was absolutely her sense of ‘stability’. The world can, and often did, change in dramatic, sometimes horrifying ways. It could be annoying, but you ultimately just had to roll with it or, well… die. Quite literally, it would seem, in both their cases.

“Well, I apologize for my role in that.” Maki said again. “Kaito has this persistent and troubling habit of getting me to worry about him, and my feelings for you when we first met were fairly friendly early on, but… I have much stronger feelings, regarding you now, that I honestly wasn’t expecting back then. If I had realized what you’d come to mean to me, I’d have taken more care with your feelings. I’d have done better to protect you from myself, and my world views.”

Maki blinked, and then said, “Does that count as me giving information too?”

There was a knock at the door. In an amused tone, Shuichi called out, “Delivery.”

Kokichi nodded a bit. He had been...overwhelmingly naive. Stuck not only just within the bounds of his hometown, but also, socially, within the castle, and being known as a generally respected position. And...even more than that, deluding himself from even that reality. It was something that Kokichi had often thought, but...his world had opened up dramatically. And so...he had growing pains that were handled less than ideally. 

Accepting Maki’s next apology with a nod, Kokichi smiled softly. “You mean a lot to me too, Maki-chan. From a few days of knowing each other, I had hoped we could be friends, but...I can hardly imagine a life without you there now. You’re important to me and...that’s something that’s just not going to change.”

“...so, eventually, I would’ve liked to learn about you and your world views anyway. But what’s done is done, so...we can just apologize for the pain we’ve caused, and try to grow from it.”

With a laugh in his throat, Kokichi had been about to offer that that felt enough like information to him, but they were interrupted by Shuuichi’s knock. 

Going to answer the door, Kokichi was a little surprised to see Shuuichi, but, seeing the folded paper in his hands, Kokichi couldn’t help but snort and tut. “Wooow, Kai-chan making our pregnant boyfriend deliver his mail...I can’t believe it.”

Shuichi-- wearing his mask-- rolled his eyes as he handed it over, “Wait until you see how short it is. I’m not even going to go back, I’m just going to wait for your response.”

“Read it aloud!” Maki wheezed from the bed.

“He literally barely says anything!” Shuichi called out over Kokichi’s head to her, “Nothing to talk about!”

Dear my sweetest, tiniest, doe-eyed husband,

Hey! It’s Kaito! Momota. Your husband! I’m next door. Shuichi’s been nagging me to start this letter writing thing, and I’m honestly not sure why?? I think our boyfriend is conspiring to make fun of us with my best friend. Our best friend? Do you consider Maki one of your best friends? I guess in theory she’s one of mine. Please don’t read that aloud. Did you read that aloud? Maybe I should cross that out. Are you allowed to cross things out in a letter? I feel like I’m still rambling, but just writing it down now.

...I don’t know what to ask. How is your day going? I miss you.

-Your doting husband (in the room a few doors down)

Kokichi went back to his spot across the room from Maki, where he’d snagged writing supplies before settling in to hang out. And, even from reading the first line, he rolled his eyes. 

“Dear my sweetest, tiniest, doe-eyed husband’ it starts,” Kokichi shook his head. But...he caught Shuuichi’s warning. And he hadn’t been planning to read Kaito’s words verbatim the whole time anyway. 

...that was a place to start, he supposed. Even if the amount of gossip he could pass onto Maki in good conscience wouldn’t be very much. 

“He doesn’t say much,” Kokichi nodded, starting to pen his own letter. “Just kinda...talking, and joking around that Shuu-chan wants to use this as an excuse to talk shit about him with us. Not...exactly what I think we’re supposed to be doing, but...it defeats the purpose to force it.”

Dear my hunky, loving, cutie-patootie husband,

Maki-chan and I decided on an agreement to gossip about whatever we end up writing about, and just our thoughts about things in general. Life. I’ve really missed having these sorts of conversations with her. But anything you don’t want me to say, I won’t bring up, I promise. Super promise. 

I do consider Maki-chan one of my best friends. She’s very important to me; I love her. 

I know she’s important to you too, but that doesn’t always mean

“In theory” you said, but do you still want to be friends? That looks like such a cruel question when I see it written, but it’s genuine. Though I know it’s loaded too. You have a responsibility, and I know that’s something you take seriously, even over your own feelings and desires. But I want to know your desires anyway, even if it doesn’t change anything.

Today’s been hard. I know you forgive me, but I’m still sorry about manipulating you. I think that’s something that’s gonna take a long time before I forgive myself. 

I’m hopeful that we can figure things out. Everything.

-I love you endlessly, your devoted husband (in Maki-chan’s bedroom, two doors down from our bedroom)

“Do you want me to take it down, Shuichi?” Maki wheezed.

“What? To spare me the literal twelve foot walk? Stay in bed, sickie.” Shuichi huffed, taking the letter from Kokichi. 

“Yeah, well… you have swollen ankles.”

“Rude. Blow your nose, I can see it dripping.” Shuichi told her, before leaning in to give Kokichi a small kiss on the cheek through the mask, before heading back.

Maki looked around for her box of tissue paper and, finding it, blew her nose again, before flumping back down to her side, looking like she was sweating a little as she muttered, “Just you wait… gonna be up and about and running circles around you, preggo… is Shuichi still around? I only just thought of a good comeback. Damn…”

Maki blinked tiredly, “...I threatened to kill Kaede.” she said. “Please don’t… or, actually, nevermind. You can tell Kaito if you want to. What’s one more threatened family member between the two of us? … I’m a terrible friend to have…”

She blew her nose again.

Kokichi just shook his head, amused by the sibling banter between his friends, though...he was glad Maki was going to stay in bed. It was maddening...but she needed the rest. 

As per their trade, Kokichi wasn’t entirely surprised when Maki shared something with no preamble, though...he was surprised by the contents. 

But not wholly. 

Taking a moment to consider, he asked, “...to make sure she wouldn’t go back on her word to dismantle the program?”

And then Kokichi sighed, leaning back against the wall. “...Kai-chan’s not very happy with Kaede right now either. The way he’s talked about her...I don’t know if it was in the moment anger. But…”

“...Kai-chan feels very strongly for his family. The bonds of blood, his belief in the value of legacy...they mean more to him than what I can understand, admittedly,” Kokichi said, giving Maki an apologetic look, though he was more sorry for his husband. “He’s been hurt badly by his family...but he still always believed in those bonds.”

“The way he’s talked about Kaede since everything happened...aren’t indicative of that. He talks about her like she’s a stranger that usurped his family...and like her line isn’t his. So...I really can’t give any clues about how he’d feel about your threat.”

“Especially since it’s not...really personal,” Kokichi leveled a gaze on Maki. “You’ve never been shy to say your perspective on motivation. Coming from you...if you hadn’t threatened her, it would be you saying you didn’t actually care if the program was shut down, even despite that being the whole reason you went into the war.”

“I won’t say you’ve been the kindest friend. Or have always treated us with respect or consideration, as we individually see those concepts. But I haven’t regretted meeting you, and my life would be less without your friendship.”

Maki looked over at Kokichi, clearly uncertain what she was meant to say to that. Kokichi’s speeches could be sometimes a little jarring, in how sincere they were. It could be difficult to really keep up with, and unless you were prone to the same way of speaking, any responses one could think of would seem pretty hollow or shallow in comparison.

She eventually just decided on, “Thank you.” and then after a moment, “I’m sorry. Being a good friend hasn’t always been my top priority, and it shows.”

Maki blinked tiredly at the ceiling, still quietly wheezing. She hated being sick so damn much… what if someone attacked right now? How was she supposed to protect anyone if the room started spinning whenever she stood up too fast?? Ridiculous…

“...It was to ensure Kaede followed through on the indentured program.” She confirmed, “I gave her time limits. I didn’t want Kaede to just quietly keep relying on the program for years, saying ‘soon, soon’. I wanted it done… I’m surprised to hear about Kaito treating her like she isn’t family though. The two were close, growing up. Kaito looked up to her… I guess usurping his brother is a decent enough reason for him to change his opinion, though… and god knows Kaito doesn’t feel his emotions in halves. With him, however he feels about you? That’s who you are. The whole of you, to him.”

“...I wish I knew how he felt about me.” Maki said quietly. “I really can’t tell.”

Kokichi nodded gently, a small smile on his face. “I understand. As much as it’d be nice otherwise...sometimes things like...being a good friend or partner, or even being a good person, or upholding your particular values...sometimes they can’t be an individual’s top priority. Those kinds of decisions we make, whether to give up something important like one of those...those are the most difficult decisions a person can make. A person’s specific hierarchy in how they approach life isn’t so simple to follow a flow chart or a clear set of rules. It’s complicated, and sometimes...there isn’t a correct answer. Or, they’re both correct, neither “more” correct than the other, but...both leave us with regrets.”

“...so I don’t blame you,” he summed up, his voice soft with that awful understanding. “Even with how difficult it was without you here, or how much it hurt to be used...everything. Sometimes understanding doesn’t make anything feel better, but...for me, with you...it does. I place a lot of trust in Maki-chan. I know you won’t always prioritize our friendship, but...that’s okay with me. I still love it, and I still love you.”

Sitting back a little, Kokichi took in Maki’s confirmation. While he didn’t agree with Maki’s beliefs that there needed to be consequences for action...it made total sense even outside of those beliefs for her to hold Kaede accountable. Kaede had just taken on Luminary’s struggling economy, with a famine on its way. Even with the others on the leading counsel...it would be tempting to keep the program in slowly decaying forms just to get a little more income as long as they could. 

Threatening her...Kaede would be held accountable by the other leaders, her people--especially the ones that fought in the revolution--and...a face and a name that she knew would hold true, even suicidally. Kokichi felt a little pity for the new queen, and the mess she’d taken over. But the Luminous people would figure it out, one way or another.

Kokichi closed his eyes, remembering the few stories Kaito had told Kokichi of his cousin. The bright view Kokichi had been given, to which Shuuichi was the only one to paint even a fraction of the darker hues. And...contrasting that warm fondness with the bitter venom and estrangement Kaito had bitten out before… It could just be fresh feelings. But things had changed. 

Sighing, Kokichi opened his eyes and looked back at Maki. “...I don’t think Kai-chan knows either, to be fair. He’s really...torn. He loves you...but he’s devastated, and he doesn’t know what to do about those feelings. What they mean. Or...that’s about as much as I can glean from what he’s told me.”

“...” Maki laughed a little. A bitter, self-deprecating sound as she said, “It’s pathetic that a part of me just wants to say to him, ‘I let him live, didn’t I-’”

Before she could finish that thought, there was a knock at the door.

“Uh…” Hajime sounded uncertain on the other side, “Delivery?”

When Kokichi opened the door this time, a slightly concerned Hajime stood there, holding a mop in one hand, a letter in the other, which he handed to Kokichi as he said, “Hey there. Uh… Kaito came and found me downstairs? And handed me this letter and asked me to bring it here? And to wait until you had a letter to bring to him, but, then… I saw him just go two doors down? Is something wrong, are you two not talking to each other?”

...that was going to be something the two of them really had to talk about. Because when Kokichi took a step back out of his own biases...it was a mercy neither of them believed in. So...it was just...something they’d have to figure out on their own. 

Kokichi was more than a little surprised to see Hajime at their door, though...he supposed he was glad Shuuichi wasn’t going to be making the trip over and over. But to seek out Hajime over different floors? 

Sighing, Kokichi laughed a little at his silly, lovely husband and gave Hajime a reassuring smile. “We’re alright. We’re trying out an exercise our therapist recommended, and trying to talk through letters for a bit. You really don’t have to wait around for me to write, though--I can just hand him the letter myself.” Kokichi rolled his eyes a bit, but his expression was fond. 

Hajime shrugged, glancing down the hall uncertainly as he said, “I don’t mind, really, and it seemed pretty important to him that I do it…” He didn’t wanna ask if Kaito was mad at him for some reason, though it was on his mind. His and Kaito’s interactions these days, rare as they were, were a little… tense. Kaito had started this habit of grinning using too many teeth, when he looked at Hajime. The Luminary Prince had never said boo about anything, but Hajime left most of their interactions feeling vaguely like he was being sized up.

If waiting out the writing of a letter got him back in the red-heads good graces, it’d be worth taking the twenty minutes or whatever it would take.

To the Esteemed Dicean Heir Apparent,

Shuichi said you were making fun of me for getting him to deliver the letter, so I went and found Hajime instead. I still kind of want to punch him in the face. He looks like he has a glass jaw, I bet he goes down with one punch. I won’t though. But I’d like to. Why didn’t he tell us about Shuichi??

Are we talking about Maki? Is that what we’re discussing? 

I guess we can talk about that a little.

But, before we do that, I don’t want you to feel bad about stuff. Or me. Or anything. Could you just stop feeling bad forever? I think that’s doable! Totally manageable and not emotionally unhealthy or whatever! You’ll be entirely fine!

Okay, I’m looking at my own writing and realizing that’s not super feasible.

Kokichi! I have an idea! Next time you’re feeling bad about gaslighting me or whatever and I’m feeling bad about raping you a few times, we can both just go take hard drugs and forget about our emotions! Hard drugs is the answer, babe! Why didn’t we see it before!?

It was really hard to write that down. The raping you part. It makes me sick. I know we’ve talked about it so many times. I know that me harping on about it hurts you more than helps you. I know this isn’t healthy. 

I don’t know how to make this better.

Dr. Mariah says to keep talking about it till it doesn’t hurt and feels more like a chore, but I honestly feel like I’d be a bad person, if it didn’t hurt. I should feel bad. And you shouldn’t. And Shuichi shouldn’t. And I should. And I know that’s a weird way of looking at it… but it doesn’t feel weird, because what I did was so much worse. Shuichi meant to hurt me but didn’t, and you didn’t mean to hurt me and maybe did a little but the point is you didn’t mean to.

We were supposed to talk about Maki. Sorry. Also this letter is getting long.

… I’m so confused about Maki.  I don’t know if she’s like me or like you guys. I’m mad at her but don’t want to be. I don’t like this. I love her. How can I love someone and hate them this much? No, no, no, I don’t hate her. Ignore that. Why am I writing in pen? I should be using an eraser. But pen looks so much nicer. 

Is she doing okay? Does she need anything? Do you?

Make Hajime run some errands for you, he owes us, and I still want to punch him.

-Your honored subject,

Kaito Ouma Momota

Kokichi’s eyes widened a little as he sat down back near his writing supplies, just… He’d noticed the tenseness between Kaito and Hajime. And...yeah, it was a little disheartening to find out that Hajime had known, but...well, Kokichi could tell, from literally everything else Hajime did, that he cared about Shuuichi, and hadn’t meant any harm. They had all been out of their depths there…

Skimming through the rest of the letter to make sure Kaito hadn’t said anything about wanting to keep it private, Kokichi looked back up at Hajime with a small sigh. “...Kai-chan’s mad at you for knowing about Shuu-chan’s stuff last summer and not telling us. So...that might be something you two should talk about at some point.”

With that, he started to write. 

Prince Consort Kaito Ouma Momota, Luminary Prince of the Stars and Prince Consort of the Cacti,

...shit. Even after hearing you say it enough, I don’t think I got the phrasing on your epithets right. I’ve got to work on that, even if I think I’d only write it to you. 

It really sucks that ‘bad things’ and all the ‘negative’ feelings that come with it are just a part of life. While it’s never a reason to inflict pain unto someone else, I do believe that they’re important parts of life. It’s what makes us able to care about others. To empathize and to create things in hopes of a better world. 

But it would be really nice to never have to feel guilty about things, or have regrets or agony or all that stuff. 

I agree that, to a point, it’s good that you’re sickened by the memories of raping me. But you shouldn’t have to suffer forever. Just like I know I can’t hurt forever for manipulating you. We’re just on the path to there, but not there yet. 

Pain is relative, so I don’t actually think it’s correct that what you did to me was measurably worse. Taken at their most basic forms, we all hurt each other, and there’s no good in any of that. We all are entitled to hurt from that pain, to be angry, to be remorseful, to forgive, and to move forward, respectively. You don’t deserve to suffer more than anyone else. Even for something you “meant” to do. If you regret it, are sickened by the thought as you are, then you deserve peace and redemption. It’s no more complicated than that. No addendums or exceptions. 

I don’t know what you mean by asking if Maki-chan is like “us” (does that mean me and Shuu-chan?) or like you. 

But I do know it’s okay to be confused and conflicted. And I know that she’s willing to work for an outcome with you. You just need to figure out if you want to work for one too. 

We’re okay. Talking about some difficult things, but that’s just the theme today, I think. I’ll probably snag her another box of tissues when we get around to figuring out what we want to do for dinner. And she’s just leaving her tissues all over her bed, so we’ll figure out who wants to clean all that up. 

I’m gonna let Hajime-chan get back to work, but I did tell him you’re mad at him. You guys need to talk too.

-Ever following in your example,

Kokichi Momota Ouma

With another sigh, Kokichi waited for a moment for the ink to dry before lightly folding his letter and handing it over to Hajime. “Thanks for this...and don’t let Kai-chan beat around the bush too much with you.”

“Oh?” Hajime said, before saying more grimly, “Oh.”

“What? Are we mad at Hajime? What’d he do last summer?” Maki wheezed from the bed, among her pile of used tissues. “Hajime, do you wanna die?!”

“No? Ah, geez…” Hajime sighed, shoulders sagging, a genuinely guilty look on his face as he said, “...I’ve never apologized to Shuichi for any of that stuff… geez… I guess now’s as good a time as any.” Hajime muttered, taking the letter from Kokichi. “I really did want to say something when everything was happening. Shuichi just seemed so worried about you guys finding out…”

“Someone explain to me why I’m murdering Hajime later!” Maki demanded weakly from the bed.

“You’re not murdering me! Don’t murder me! I’m gonna go apologize now! … also she sounds terrible, do you two need anything? Should I bring her… I don’t know, medicine?” Hajime asked Kokichi.

Kokichi nodded sadly. “I believe you. I do wish you had told us...maybe something could’ve been avoided, or gone better… But...you’re our friend, Hajime-chan. And that whole situation was bigger than...anyone should have to handle. Between you and me, at least...we’re cool.”

Smiling slightly as Hajime was going to start on his own difficult conversation, Kokichi shrugged. “Her next dose should be around dinner, but thanks for offering. You need anything, Maki-chan?” Kokichi asked, turning slightly to actually let Maki talk for herself this time. 

“I need him to come over here so I can stab him!”

“Don’t stab me! I just thought it was… I don’t know! It didn’t feel like my place!”

“What didn’t!?”

“Why would you stab me if you still don’t know what I did!?”

“Because Kaito’s mad at you!”

“I’m gonna go talk to him now!”

“Get in stabbing range first!”

“Okay, I’m going to go.” Hajime huffed, giving Kokichi a small nod, “Thank you, and, I’m sorry I didn’t make different choices.”

Maki glared blearily as Hajime walked away… before hacking into coughs, laying back down and making a half drowning sound, “...whatever. I’ll ask Kaito later if I’m still stabbing him or not. I’m too tired to pursue it right now.”

Kokichi sighed, somewhere partially between amused and annoyed. “Shuu-chan kinda glossed over it, but...apparently, before we knew what was happening with Shuu-chan and the spores and Nao, Hajime-chan came across him. Like I said, I wish he’d told us...but that situation was too big for us, and I’m not going to hold a grudge over something that Hajime-chan’s done nothing but try to make up for since.”

“...though,” Kokichi softly admitted, “It does help to know he regrets it too.”

After a moment, Kokichi settled back into his spot and...tried to summarize this last set of letters. “...we...me, Kai-chan, and Shuu-chan, that is, haven’t always been good to each other. And reconciling that pain from someone we love...and dealing with the guilt and regret of having caused pain… It’s something we’ve been talking about a lot in therapy. And Kai-chan and I are talking about it more now.”

“...apparently we’re all really shit at grieving,” Kokichi grimly smirked. “Especially for collective trauma.”

Maki narrowed her eyes, and for a second, something hot burned off of her…

...before it pittered out, Maki reaching out for a tissue and blowing her nose again, sighing. “...we all made a lot of bad choices with that. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m going to cut him. But, Hajime spent a lot of time looking after Shuichi after all the Nao stuff. So… just one cut. Maybe two, if he takes it like a cry baby.”

Maki felt like this was very generous of her. Hajime should feel very lucky. 

Sighing, she shifted in bed, idly fluffing up her pillow, before raising an eyebrow at Kokichi. “...Grieving? How do you be ‘bad’ at grieving? Something bad happens, you get upset, and that’s it. If you’re smart about it, you move on quickly and nothing gets disrupted for long.”

Kokichi shifted, propping up his cheek in a hand while he looked over to Maki, fond. “The ‘moving on quickly and nothing getting disrupted’ part, I think we have issues with. And...it’s a little more than just being upset.”

“Grieving is how you come to terms with things… It lets you move on, and sets the stage for how you’re going to be able to deal with similar things in the future. And...there are just...so many ways to do it. I’ve heard that it’s a different process for everyone. And, sure, there are kind of...universal ways of grieving poorly, like…” Kokichi sighed, rolling his eyes a little at himself, “Getting suicidal. Or harming others. But...if you never find a way to move on, and it sticks on you...forever, or until you can properly grieve.”

“...Dr. Mariah mainly points it out to Kai-chan, ‘cause...he kinda does it the most obviously. Like when he refuses to admit that something bothers him, or is a problem at all. But...well, I, at least, try to play the martyr sometimes too. It sounds kind of counterintuitive, but...trying to be strong for your partner, at least in the way we do it, just...makes things worse. She’s suggested crying together, but…” Kokichi looked a bit sheepish, adjusting the strap of his mask. “...I’m still not sure exactly what that really looks like.”

“Sounds like a bunch of nonsense.” Maki said bluntly, her arm hanging off the side of the bed, hair in her face. Kaito wanted to brush it and Maki kept dodging the chore. She didn’t like showering much either. Or changing clothes. Stewing in your own grossness seemed fine, if she wasn’t leaving the room anyway. “I never grieve anything, and look at me. I’m entirely emotionally adjusted and make calm, rational choices all the time.”

Maki blinked. Small, noisy breaths… “...I’m not proud of everything I did.” She said quietly. “I made sacrifices I didn’t want to make… and I had to act like I didn’t care. If I showed I cared, our forces might have thought I’d hold back next time… it’s not enough to have a good cause. It’s not enough to have many brave, brave people… when certain death is coming, people panic. They run. They abandon their posts and their tasks. And cowardice spreads like an infection… one person running gives five more the courage to abandon their posts… and we needed the help of all of them…”

“...Byakuya raided one of the farms. We told him if he did, that any farm retaken wouldn’t produce food anymore. That we’d burn and salt the earth before letting him have it. He had the troops to overtake us if he wanted it badly enough, we had to make certain the risk would be too great to take a chance on. If we saw his people coming to take back a farm, we had to make it not worth taking. Or what would stop him from overrunning all of us and taking it all back? He had an army…”

“...he called our bluff. And it wasn’t one. We couldn’t let it be one. I couldn’t let it be one. If he saw it was a bluff, then the war was lost. We couldn’t beat his numbers…”

Maki blinked… “...There were twenty-seven people stationed to hold that farm, only twenty-seven against an army. Twenty-seven, but only five… five I knew. Five of my best. Strong, diligent, ruthless… with people they cared about, counting on us winning the war. Five people ready to sacrifice everything… everyone knew that if the people stationed there stayed to salt and burn, that there would be no time for them to run when the farm was overtaken… there’d be no escape…”

Silence… “I’ll never know what really happened. Maybe all twenty-seven were brave. Maybe my five were efficient. I’ll never know. But they saw the army was coming and they did their task, and none of them made it out of the burning fields.” Maki said quietly, bunching the sheet in her hands, her face tight. “...I was very proud of them… I can only hope they knew what their sacrifice meant… he didn’t come after any of the farms after that. It meant something… I hope they knew it meant something. That I didn’t do it for nothing…”

Maki blinked again...before she turned around, burying her face into the mattress, “Sorry.” She said softly, “I shouldn’t have said any of that. That’s too much… I’m sorry.”

Kokichi smiled grimly, but didn’t interrupt before Maki said her actual piece. If you were in a high-stress environment...yeah, burying your grief and regret was...almost a necessity to survive. But it wasn’t possible to do forever. Right now...that fallout was something they all had to deal with. And while Kokichi knew he wasn’t enough of the help Maki needed...he was happy to pitch in. 

He took a deep breath, listening to Maki speak about the farms. The most contested area in the war. About horrible decisions, and brave people...and the reality people faced against death. 

And the reality of death. 

Shaking his head softly, Kokichi wished he could reach out to Maki and press his shoulder against hers. Be there in a more physical way, as affectionate as she could handle at any moment. “I asked. If it’s something you want to talk about...or need to talk about...I’ve asked to hear it. I’ll tell you if there’s something I can’t handle, but...Maki-chan doesn’t need to be sorry about what she’s telling me. It happened. You lived it. These are your thoughts and feelings. If they exist for you...then I want to listen.”

That said…

Kokichi sighed, closing his eyes for a moment of personal respect. “...Shuu-chan told me that in Luminary people don’t talk about the deceased as a show of respect for their lives. I won’t offer something that will just feel hollow and performative...but if there’s anything you want to do for them...let me know, and I’ll do what I can. Regardless of what happened...they were very brave for even trying to face something like that down.”

“...you were facing an enemy without mercy,” Kokichi softly continued. “...for a long time I didn’t understand what that meant. But now…” He sighed again, thinking back on...many, many conversations he’d had with his father over the past several months. “...it means you have to make terrible decisions. Because making...I hesitate to even call it good in, like, quotations… But making decisions to...preserve the farmland, knowing that it’s crucial in feeding the country. Or to make the safest plays to ensure your comrades survival, no matter what...it means letting the terror you’re fighting against slaughter you all. To continue to exploit your brethren. To condemn the people you love to a cycle of abuse that has only the smallest window of escaping from.”

To allow your country to burn to the ground. 

“...you didn’t make good decisions, Maki-chan. But you made just ones. And it wasn’t for nothing. It was for a future better than what you had, and that’s worth fighting for. Even if the toll feels unbearable.”

Maki snorted into the mattress, shifting to allow herself room to breath and room to talk as she said, “Is that what they said? They’re so bad at explaining things… you’re not supposed to talk about the recently deceased in public. More importantly, to the public… they can’t speak up on their own behalf. They can’t defend themselves, or correct anyone, so it’s considered incredibly disrespectful to speak on the deads behalf to the public. Especially unasked for...If their loved ones ever asked me, I could tell them about their final moments to them. The things I heard them say. I could even, if requested, say what I imagined were their final thoughts before the end… but only in private, to those loved ones, and only if they asked me.”

“If I had made some big speech, praising their actions, what they ‘meant’ to do or ‘why’ they did it… for their families, for the cause, for a good time, whatever random thought I  had in my head about it? Either to my own men, the enemy, the common people, or unasked, their families? It’d be incredibly disrespectful… a man from Novoselic tried it once. An ambassador giving a speech at a party in the Luminary capital? The speech went fine, right up until he started talking about the troops on the front line, their sacrifices, and he mentioned a few men by name who had died within the last batch of letters, saying all these reasons they had put themselves at risk… pride and country and for the king…”

Maki snorted again, shifting onto her back. “He was jumped the next day by the mens families. They made him do a submission bow, and they broke his hand. He was lucky they only broke it…I’m sure he was confused. People say that all the time, for the living troops. But you don’t say it for the dead...”

Maki closed her eyes, “...thank you for being respectful to my comrades, Kokichi… thank you for understanding. I…” she opened her eyes, and the edges were red, as she said, “I wish I could talk to Kaito about this… it helps to hear you say it. It does. But…”

She put her arm over her face. Her throat tight from more then just her sore rasp as she said, “I wish… fuck I hate that word… I wish he’d tell me it wasn’t my fault… that I was doing the best I could… f-for some reason it was always so easy to b-believe it, when he did…”

There was another knock at the door, and Maki took the blanket and threw it over her head. Not wanting to be seen like this if it was Hajime again or something.

“Oh…” Kokichi softly hummed. He...sort of remembered them talking about public words, vaguely, but...he could understand that. Especially with making...grand decrees about people who had died for a cause. It was the sort of thing they did in Dicea, but...with how Maki described it...he could understand the different viewpoint a little better. 

...when it was finished, Kokichi would go see Usott’s section of the great dragon statue by himself. That country-wide project, the memorial for all veterans who had fought in the fifteen-year war, living and dead...the design had looked beautiful when Kokichi had seen the design. Each scale along the body, weaving in and out of the earth in each town and city, meant to represent someone’s hopes and wishes, bravery and resolve in the war. Something to be respected, and a reminder that Dicea protected itself. 

It wasn’t for them, but...Kokichi respected all those things in any fight for freedom and for the people folks loved. He could privately set his respect there too. 

Kokichi’s gaze softened as he heard the strain in Maki’s voice, and he was close to just saying fuck it and holding her hands for a little bit, germs be damned. He wished his words could bring more comfort. But...it was so different coming from Kaito, and...Kokichi understood at least a little of what Maki meant. Kaito’s belief and reassurance was something truly special, and especially for a life-long friend...that just wasn’t something Kokichi could provide to her. 

But he was too slow to even consider putting his health at risk any longer, and with a downcast sigh, wishing for so much more for his friend, Kokichi went to answer the door.

It was Kaito and Shuichi, both looking tired, Shuichi still masked and Kaito holding papers and pen as he said sheepishly, “We just finished talking to Hajime… can we just do this in the same room? Would that be weird? I don’t want to keep sending Shuichi back and forth.”

Maki burrowed harder into the blanket, ashamed after what she just said that it was Kaito who was at the door. She had no rights to be sad over the war in front of him… she had no right… pull it together Maki…

Kaito glanced over Kokichi’s head, saw Maki hiding in her bed, and while Kaito was the only person in this room who didn’t have any sort of superpower… still knew his friend well enough to furrow his brow in concern, glancing at Kokichi, wordlessly asking ‘Is she okay?’

...originally Kokichi would’ve been totally fine with them just writing in the same room. It made things much easier, in passing the letters back and forth, and...it was kind of silly to have started doing it in different rooms anyway. 

But he and Maki were talking about the war. And while there were things Maki really needed to talk about concerning it with both Kaito and Shuuichi...as just...as overview? Saying how she felt generally, and getting to say the things aloud for the first time, since there were no more battles and no one around to be strong to...Kaito and Shuuichi were both still furious. Even if they both knew the program was horrible, neither of them really felt like believing in why Maki had left. 

Kokichi didn’t want this to be something dragging his friend into the depths because she couldn’t talk about it. 

He made a sort of...difficult expression in the wake of Kaito’s concerned look. Trying to convey that the ‘difficult things’ he and Maki were talking about were things that Kaito and Shuuichi probably weren’t ready to talk about yet. 

...he wasn’t sure if that came through. 

“...do you want to talk about talking with Hajime-chan?”

Kaito looked back and forth between Kokichi and Maki, uncertain what he should do. His instinct was to go check in on Maki, but… Kokichi looked apprehensive about the idea of Kaito coming in. He noticed his husband hadn’t stepped aside to let them in yet.

“...maybe.” Kaito said, before glancing at Shuichi, reaching over and drawing him in for a kiss as he said, “Maybe… maybe you and I can sit out in the hall instead?”

Shuichi raised an eyebrow. “You want me to sit in the hall with you?”

“I could bring pillows and we can just pass the letters back and forth under the door-”

“Let’s just go back to the room if we’re doing that…” Shuichi rolled his eyes, “Fine. Go get the pillows. But you’re going and getting me snacks and tea while Kokichi writes his next letter.”

“Agreed,” Kaito quickly said, giving Shuichi another kiss, before handing Kokichi his current letter, “Want anything from downstairs babe? Maki?”

“?” Maki muffled into the covers.

“Want anything from downstairs?”

“...pick for me.” Maki mumbled.

Kaito sighed, and nodded. He’d get her some orange juice and pretzel bread. Maybe some grapes too, she wasn’t eating enough at meals…

It didn’t feel good, asking them to...not be around. But Kaito and Shuuichi could talk with each other, and they could all talk later. Now that Maki was willing to talk? Kokichi didn’t want the moment to fade, and for her to retreat inside herself, feeling like she couldn’t. If they got to a point she didn’t want to talk anymore, he’d welcome Kaito and Shuuichi in. 

Accepting the letter, Kokichi thought for a moment, more willing to ask Kaito than Hajime, at least in this moment. “...if there are any buns or slices or bread or something… I could nibble on something before dinner. Thanks, hun.”

With the door closed again, Kokichi returned to his spot, looking at the Maki-lump under the covers. “...is this okay? I still wanna talk if you do.”

Maki sighed, pulling the cover off of herself, reaching over to grab a fresh tissue for her snotty hell as she nodded warily. Blowing her nose, she sighed, sitting up, just unable to breath all the well now, blowing her nose again.

“...Yes. Thank you. Sorry, I don’t mean to get emotional… I think being sick is lowering my tolerance. Ridiculous.” She mumbled, still embarrassed that she had said she wished Kaito would come and say it wasn’t her fault. What a stupid, selfish, self-indulgent daydream…

‘Kichi!?

What do you mean you told Hajime!? Why would you tell him!?? Now he’s just staring at me and I have to do something now!?? What am I supposed to do!? Punch him!??

Alright, well, I didn’t punch him. Shuichi asked me not to, and honestly, I kinda get it. Hajime should have absolutely told us what was happening, but… to be fair to the guy, he didn’t know what was happening? And Shuichi swears he remembers begging Hajime to keep quiet about it.

Like, a part of me still wants to be angry, but… I don’t know. Hajime didn’t really know any of us back then. And, like, if I wanted to be angry at people not telling me Shuichi was going through something, I could be mad at Hajime, I could be mad at Seiko, hell, I could even be mad at that one guy with the metal arm, why can’t I ever remember his name?? You know who I’m talking about, right babe? Likes that Secretary guy whose name is also always escaping me. Did that awful, cringey mock confession thing at the last festival? Anyway, I could be mad at him too, he literally caught Shuichi falling out of a window and told no one. 

But, like… they didn’t know how bad whatever it was, was, ya know?

Actually, no… Hajime and TAKASHI THATS HIS NAME didn’t know how bad it was. Seiko did. 

Sometimes I wonder if I should have given Seiko a harder time. No, right? We owe her so much… but at the same time…

Of course I want to… get to a good place with Maki. But… I don’t even know where to start with that.

-Your husband, who is trying his best.

Kai-chan

“It’s okay to be emotional,” Kokichi softly retorted. “And fuck knows you’ve dealt with my own emotional outbursts enough. I know it’s not Maki-chan’s style, but let me take care of you a little bit. In the form of kicking Kai-chan and Shuu-chan out for a while so we can talk.”

“...” Kokichi smiled a bit. “Kai-chan’s aghast that I told Hajime-chan what was up. He’s...kinda mad at everyone who knew stuff about Shuu-chan’s situation and the spores, but...none of us knew what to do, and he knows that. But...Nao and Seiko still should’ve known better than what they did…”

Sighing, Kokichi got his pen ready again.

Kai-chan,

You didn’t tell me not to tell him--I checked--so I did. You’ve caught me in an honest, wanting to settle things and talk them out, kind of mood, sweets. Hajime-chan’s our friend. Even if he didn’t make the best decisions, he deserves to know if we’re pissed at him. 

That situation was too much for us. I keep telling myself what Dr. Mariah told us, because it’s too big to handle otherwise. I’m mad at the pain Shuu-chan went through, and I’m mad at Nao for inflicting so much of it. And despite how much good she’s done, I’m mad at Seiko too. I can understand her cowardice and panic, but it still wasn’t the right thing to do, and she’s so much older than us. She should’ve been better. 

But at least she’s trying to be better, so I can forgive that. I can’t imagine what these last months would’ve been like without her. I don’t even want to think about it.

It’s awful to be a victim, but that’s just what we are in this situation. 

Kokichi paused in his writing. Feeling like...he was on the precipice of something. “...we’ve been talking about you, a little. Kai-chan wants to get to a better place with you, but he doesn’t know where to start. ...where would you want to start?”

Maki’s brow furrowed a little, and funnily enough, she almost looked oddly like Kaito himself, the look mirroring his earlier with surprising accuracy. Though, hers evened out into cold annoyance, not with Kokichi, but with herself as she said, “...I started with an apology. If a perfect world, the next thing would be a fight… but…” she lifted a hand, watching her fingers shake. “...I can’t put up a good fight. Honestly, I’m not even sure I could risk just a purely verbal argument… I have thought about it. I…”

She sighed, dropping her hand into her lap, “...I think I just want to let Kaito be mad at me. But I’m… worried it’s going to lead to something bad. But he’s allowed to be mad at me. I want to have this fight…” Maki frowned, scoffing at herself, “...I’m a coward. If I was a good friend, I’d have picked this fight myself by now, letting him get it out of his system.”

Kokichi nodded softly. Fighting was Maki and Kaito’s way. He did worry if they were actually able to hash things out, but...that was his own bias. He had to trust them when they said it worked. Until Maki was better...they either had to let these feelings grow and rot between them, or they had to figure out another way. 

“...maybe it makes me terrible to my husband, but...I’m glad you haven’t. It’s awful seeing how much you’ve hurt yourself already…” Kokichi sighed. “...can I tell him that? I’m no therapist, but...I do want to help you guys. Maybe talking through a letter will help more than just the communication between me and him.”

Maki raised an eyebrow, before glancing at Kokichi’s letter.

“...” she rolled her eyes, putting her hand out, “...if you’re going to tell him anyway, just let me write it. I’m a coward to not pick a fight with him, but I’m not so pathetic as to literally talk directly through you.”

Kokichi laughed softly and pushed himself up from the ground to head towards Maki. “I wouldn’t tell him if you didn’t want me to. But my attempt at advice would probably be pretty awful--I really don’t understand how you two express yourselves and resolve things. What works for you guys is something you have to find between each other.”

Holding his pen out, Kokichi steadied the binder he had been writing on.

Maki took the pen, and quickly, read where Kokichi had left off… before her face softened a little. 

“...I don’t like to think of myself like that.” Maki said softly.

And then she started to write, in her own handwriting, Hello Kaito, it’s Maki. I’m joining in on this dumb letter stuff. 

Sorry, maybe it’s unkind to call it dumb. It sounds like you’re talking about something that really bothers you. I also had doubts about Seiko. My thought process was that she was useful. And while I don’t like to think of us as victims, I will say that things were hectic for everyone back then. We had too many real problems, to go inventing them or chasing them out of our allies.

Anyway, that’s not what I’m writing to say.

Kaito, you’re upset with me. I know you’re upset. You have every right to be upset. And we need to talk about that. And I don’t know how to start.

Maki stared at the letter… before saying uncertainly, “Does that make any sense? Maybe that’s foolish. Maybe this is a bad idea…”

Kokichi nodded gently. Maki was too...Maki, to ever think of herself as a victim. But on the sliding scale of her to Shuuichi...sometimes there really were things in the world that just happened to you, and weren’t a manifestation of your own actions. You still had choice and autonomy, but sometimes things were too big. 

Maybe, while Kokichi was finding his balance of acknowledgement and moving on, they would find theirs of influence. 

As Maki started to have doubts, Kokichi chanced leaning in closer to her a bit to read what she’d written. “...I think that’s important to say. Kai-chan...basically said the same thing. And even if the thing you’re stating is that you both don’t know what to do...it’s still really important to both know that about each other. To be open and on the same page.”

He smiled slightly. “...our therapist chides us a lot because we have a habit of trying to read each other’s minds. It’s...really hard to stop, for me in particular.”

“Do you have more you wanna say, or should I take over?”

Maki still looked uncertain… before just deciding to go with it, handing Kokichi the pen back. “No, I suppose that’s all I really had to say. Mind reading? Did you develop super human abilities while I wasn’t looking, Kokichi?”

Nodding, Kokichi went back to his spot, deciding to go wash his hands before taking the letter out to Shuuichi when he was done. Maybe it wasn’t enough, for getting in closer to Maki...but he was also choosing to spend time in her room with her, so they’d just see how things went. Hopefully their precautions were enough. 

Snorting, Kokichi giggled a bit. “I mean...I did end up sleep-talking, and apparently being very apt and coherent in what I was talking about, a while back. But no.”

“It’s like...assuming what people are feeling. Like...right now, I can see Kai-chan and Shuu-chan are kind of tense, and it’s a pretty easy assumption to make that it was them talking with Hajime-chan, right? But I don’t know that, and anything more about how they’re feeling about it...it’s unconstructive to make those guesses and act upon them. Until someone actually tells you, you don’t know what’s going on in their head. Those kinds of assumptions were making actually communicating difficult between us...so we’re trying to be more mindful about it.”

Kokichi again. 

So you two are on the same page there. I just told Maki-chan this, but any advice I could give? Is given in my ignorance of how your two actually communicate things with each other. But I’ll still say anyway that just trying to start a conversation might be a good first step. Talk about how you’re feeling about her. About what happened. And I hope you guys can figure it out from there.

Still, maybe if it’s still difficult after that, we could ask for a session between you two to help. I know Maki-chan’s still skeptical about therapy, and it might be things you two can’t talk about in front of someone else, but it is an option. 

I know you’re trying your best, and I’m always proud of you for it.

I want to help where I can,

Your ‘Kichi

“Mind reading…” Maki murmured, digesting Kokichi’s explanation as the prince folded up the paper, running a hand through her tangled hair. “I suppose there’s some sense in that. Mind you, if you’re trying to guess what someone’s thinking, you might as well just tell them what you’re guessing.”

As she watched him head to the door-- after running to her bathroom to wash his hands-- trying to push it under the door, she watched with some amusement the Dicean Prince fuss with it, the gap beneath the door virtually non-existent… before giving up, opening the door.

Kaito was literally just handing a vaguely annoyed looking Shuichi, surrounded by an overabundance of pillows and leaning against the wall, a bowl of fruit and some tea, a platter of more snacks next to him, lighting up at seeing Kokichi come out, “Oh! Babe, just in time. Here, let me…” Kaito looked down at the platter, picking it up, “Let me bring this in. I got some pretzel bread and sauce for you, little melty cheese stuff, and some grapes and pretzel bread and orange juice for Maki… do you want to take it or… should I come in?”

That could be helpful too. Made it easier for more than just yourself to catch the sort of patterns you fell into, and maybe was an indication of the sort of vibes someone was putting out. But being able to actually have those conversations, and not leaving thing upon thing unsaid was the most important part. 

Kokichi had meant to only open the door for a moment, but he looked up in surprise when he saw Kaito, back from the ground floor. Ooh...pretzel bread with a cheese dip… He hadn’t thought he was particularly hungry, but that sounded really good…

Getting up from the floor, Kokichi opened the door more and stepped aside to hold it for Kaito. “You can come in--I’m not...should we keep the platter? Might be easier to keep all the dishes together…”

“Yeah, keep the platter, I can bring it all back down later.” Kaito grinned, giving Shuichi a small wink before heading inside, calling out, “Maki-roll! I’ve got food for ya! Now, I want ya to try to eat the bread, okay? I know your throat hurts-”

As Kaito headed in, Shuichi looked at Kokichi, already chewing on some of his fruit. 

“...Everything going okay, Kokichi?” he asked, “With her? I’m assuming I’m camping in the hallway because things are either going well or going poorly.”

For a moment, Kokichi looked back to Kaito fussing over Maki, and… He really hoped they could work things out alright. 

Coming a little closer to Shuuichi, at least for while Kaito was getting Maki set up for snack time, Kokichi shrugged gently. “It’s… We’re talking about the war,” Kokichi explained, his voice low. “And a lot of other...tangentially related stuff. It’s kinda going everywhere--we have a lot to talk about. It’s not exactly a secret, but...I think it’ll be easier for her to tell you guys about it one day if we’re having this talk now. I don’t mean to kick you guys out to, like, conspire or anything.”

At that, Shuichi laughed gently, giving his partner a fond look. “If there’s one thing I can be certain of, it’s that you and Maki can’t conspire for anything. You’d conspire today and tell us about it in an hour…” he laughed, his tone softening as he said, “I’m teasing. Just so you know.”

“But… if Maki’s opening up to you? Then you’re right, Kaito and I could mess that up, and that’s worth me doing… this.” Shuichi sighed, indicating to his apparent new campsite… before he frowned. “I guess. Besides, Kaito and I have been using this chance to talk about some stuff too. It’s just a talking kind of day, I guess. You two must have had a productive therapy session.”

Inside the room, Kaito was looking over Maki with… open concern. The same way he always did, when he looked at her fresh after an hour or so apart.

Kaito had, so far, been trying to avoid directly telling her to do things she was resistant to do, but… “...you know, Maki, you might feel better after a shower…”

Maki looked up at him, her face curiously blank, as she sipped on her orange juice. “...do you want me too?”

“I mean, you don’t have to now…” Kaito sighed, running his hand through his hair. Come on, Maki, don’t make him tell you to have a shower… it felt controlling. “...though, when you do, I can let you… ‘borrow’ another shirt of mine?”

That was how he had managed to get her to shower two days before, without directly telling her too. Maki had been amused at the idea of Kaito sacrificing one of his expensive shirts for her to sleep in. Kaito hoped he wasn’t gonna have to trade shirts for every bout of hygiene, but anything to delay just… telling her ‘It’s time to bathe now’.

Maki smiled slightly, “...you know that shirt of yours? With the red swirls on it, down in the corner?”

Noooooo, he loved that shirt… “Yeah? That’s the one?”

“I’ve always liked that shirt.” She said softly.

Auuuuuuugh, “Well, how about this? You take your shower later, and in that shirt, you let me do your hair. Yeah?”

Maki nodded slightly, “Sure. If that’s what you want.”

Dammit Maki. “Yeah! It’ll be nice! Kokichi can watch me fuss with someone else's hair for once!” Kaito laughed.

Kokichi snorted. “Teasing, but true enough. You probably saw him write it, but Kai-chan wasn’t too much of a fan of me telling Hajime-chan what was up. I’m too in the zone of transparency right now.”

“It was…” Kokichi let out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. “...I think it was productive. But the kind of productive that shows you that there’s a whole hell of a lot left in front of you to work through and towards too… It was a day. I’m sure we’ll get our chance to have a deep talk sooner or later too.”

Hearing his name, Kokichi peeked back into Maki’s room, seeing the food laid out, and even Kokichi’s bread and dip set by his writing supplies. “Mm...later, though. I’m kinda looking forward to that snack…”

With a nod to Shuuichi, Kokichi went back into the room more fully, looking between his friends--and, like it almost always was these days, feeling the tension between them--and plopping down back in his spot. “Thank you for the snacks, Kai-chan. Did you get a sneak peek at what’s for dinner?”

“Pastas. Lots of pastas today.” Kaito grinned at Kokichi, running his hand through his hair as he said, “And vegetables, which you’re all eating. But! Congrats, Kokichi, I am doing someone’s hair tonight and it’s not yours! So that should be nice… but! But but but, letters! We’re doing letters. So, let me go ahead and head out to sit with Shuichi. You guys enjoy your snacks. Let me go read what Kokich wrote…”

Giving the two a wave, Kaito headed out of the room, closing the door. 

Maki watched him go… before putting her head in her hands. “He hates me.” She groaned.

Mmmm, pasta. And probably some sort of veggie pasta, if there were a lot of vegetables too. Thankfully spaghetti squash wasn’t in season, so Kokichi didn’t have to worry about bargaining his way out of eating that instead of another main dish. 

He made an interested noise at the prospect of watching Kaito do--presumably--Maki’s hair later and waved his husband goodbye before tearing off a little piece of his pretzel bread and slipping it under his mask.

“That’s mind-reading,” he hummed as he chewed, though the look on his face wasn’t unsympathetic. “Unless Kai-chan whispered to you while I was talking with Shuu-chan that he hates you.”

“He loves you, and wants to repair your relationship into something more comfortable than this--and I can say that, because he said that. But...he might hate you too. He’s angry. He might be resentful. And explaining and talking about all those feelings in some way is something the two of you need to do sometime. But you guys are far from unsalvageable.”

“...the inside of the bread is really pillowy today, so if it’s too painful to swallow, just eating the inside might be doable.”

“Thanks,” Maki said, ripping the bread apart and taking his advice, eating the softer inside part. Her throat really did hurt… “No, he didn’t say he hated me in some mean little whisper. I just… I keep trying to make him happy, and he looks at me like talking to me is pulling teeth.”

Maki sighed, scratching her arm a little… “Maybe I’m just lying to myself. Maybe I’m not trying to make him happy, I’m just… trying to justify something I want to do either way. But make it seem less selfish than it is…”

Maki frowned at that… before sipping at her orange juice. “It’s not my turn to share, I think. The last thing you shared was about me, so that certainly can’t count.”

...Maki wasn’t dumb. There were things she didn’t relate to, but she certainly wasn’t dumb. 

Kokichi looked up at her with a little smile, dipping a larger piece of his bread in the cheese sauce and, in the background of his mind, at least, trying to figure out the best way to eat it with his mask on. “To be honest, I haven’t been keeping track. I’ll take your word for it.”

“Sometimes we are just selfish. Sometimes that’s even more than okay to be, but...either way, it’s still something to acknowledge.” Quickly, Kokichi held his breath as he pulled the bottom of his mask out, popping the cheesy bite of bread in his mouth without brushing the fabric. He thought back to how Maki had been acting around Kaito lately. “...you don’t have to answer until I share something else. But...you’ve been...asking his permission for stuff? Like...I don’t know.”

Kokichi tilted his head to the side, something amused in his eyes. “...I’ll take a page from Maki-chan’s advice and explain my own mind-reading. I don’t think this is what you’re intending...but to me, it looks really passive-aggressive. Just...making everything Kai-chan’s problem to prove a point and get under his skin. The, ‘I don’t know, can I?’ approach. But...I don’t know how that looks to either of you, and I don’t know what Kai-chan’s feeling, other than at least some frustration.”

Maki narrowed her eyes at the bread, clearly in thought… “Passive aggressive.” She said softly. Like she barely understood the word. “Passive aggressive… when you’re mad at someone but don’t want to tell them… honestly one of the most annoying things you can be… passive aggressive…”

“...” It was a shame Maki wasn’t more open to therapy. Out of the whole group, she was honestly probably the most immediately willing to take a serious look at herself when prompted, because her eyes suddenly widened, as she threw a hard piece of the bread skin at the nearby target Kokichi had gotten her, missing wildly, as she said, “Oh, dammit… am I mad at Kaito!?”

Honestly, it was the major reason Kokichi didn’t actually think that was what Maki was doing, because she was someone who hated the concept of passive-aggression, even if she had never really said as much. But the kind of question dodging and beating around the bush that Kokichi struggled with so much were the kinds of things Maki just didn’t see the point in at all. 

But in this weird new mood...had he actually hit the nail on the head? 

Kokichi’s gaze followed the bread crust as it arced to the floor, making a note to pick it up next time he stood. “It’s a possibility. If I was right, then...would I be off in guessing something like...he didn’t like when you did your own thing, even when it was monumentally important to you, but you’re aware of how much it’s genuinely hurt him so you don’t feel justified in being mad at him, so you’re swinging full the other way and doing nothing but what he wants?”

“I don’t know.” Maki muttered, eating some more of her bread, “Let me think about it. I didn’t even know I was mad at him until about two seconds ago… I have no right to be mad at him. Why am I mad at him?”

As Maki paused to think about it, looking genuinely deep in thought, the door popped open, and Kaito called out, “Incoming!”

Through the air, a paper plane breezed through, before landing in the middle of the floor. The door closed.

My dearest Light of Dicea,

And Maki-Roll as well now, I guess?

First of all, Shuichi says its not fair that Maki gets to write something and he doesn’t. Then I asked him, well, what do you want to write then? And he said, nothing, he just wanted the option to write. So, let it be known by all that I gave our fussy boyfriend the option to write, and he didn’t want to write anything, and I did my due diligence. I am a good boyfriend! 

But, that still leaves me with a ‘am I a good friend’ and… Maki, I’m really trying to be.

I don’t know what to do either. How can I not be upset with you? I should be allowed to be upset with you. I said this once to Kokichi before, during a really bad night, and I’ll say it again: I should be allowed to be upset when my friends conspire to kill my family. Like… that feels like a really valid reason to be upset. Why do I have to feel bad about being upset by something like that? I don’t even know what kind of person I’d have to be to not be upset by something like that.

But I do feel bad. I feel guilty.

Why do I always feel guilty?

And it’s not even just the ‘conspired against my family’ thing, which, again, feels like a really valid reason to be upset. I shouldn’t have to add anything to that. But there is other stuff I’m upset about. Serious conversations we have to have, Maki.

But they’re not conversations I want to have right now. Not while you’re sick. And not while you need me.

You told me you needed me. You asked me for help. I can’t have these conversations with you and do that at the same time. It’s too hard.

Maybe Kokichi’s right. Maybe we need a session with Dr. Mariah together. Or even Miss Crystal, whoever you’d feel okay with. But don’t make me tell you to go, Maki. You know what I’m talking about. I don’t feel good about it. You’re not my Indentured. I don’t want to push you into things you’re not ready for.

Man, I’m reading this letter over and I kind of want to ball it up and try again, sound less… needy and whiney. But Shuichi’s reading it and says if I do that he’ll just unball it and give it to you guys himself. You all are bullies.

• :(

Kokichi nodded and backed off. Honestly, that was probably too intrusive of him… Another thing to work on, he supposed. It was definitely more pronounced with Kaito, but Kokichi was going to have to refind his stride with Maki too. 

Smiling slightly at the paper airplane, Kokichi shuffled forward on his knees to retrieve it, still giving Maki silence to think in as he read the letter over. But...most of it was just directly to Maki, and...Kokichi had a feeling that now that he’d opened the floodgates, this...actually was going to turn into Maki and Kaito sending letters to each other. But that was important too. Arguably more than him and Kaito just trying to feel out talking about things in writing. 

...Kokichi frowned slightly at the lined out words on the page. 

“...most of this is written to you. Gives me less to barter with, but do you just want to read it for yourself?”

Maki sighed, “Hand it over.”

Taking the letter, she read through it… before sighing… and then crumbling the paper up and throwing it across the room. “Ngh!” She grunted, annoyed that the paper didn’t hit the far wall, before putting her head in her hands, just scowling to herself.

“...I didn’t even kill him!” Maki suddenly shouted, looking frustrated, “I should have! He deserved to die! He’s a monster who ruined countless lives, killed my men, and, lest we forget, Kaito, tortured you growing up! Made me commit atrocities! And yet, and yet! Nooooo, he’s your brother. So it was either let him go or-!”

Maki paused.

“...ugh.” she sighed, running a hand through her face, “I blame Kaito for Byakuya still being alive.” she realized.

...gross.

Kokichi frowned a little more and walked over to collect the letter, starting to gently unfurl it from the ball. It wasn’t like it was a letter from Kaito being...overseas or anything, but he still wanted to write back. 

...he really didn’t understand Kaito’s affection for his brother. Or his parents. Or his belief in birthright and legacy. All he knew were that those things were important to Kaito and...he just had to respect that. It didn’t make it any easier to face the fact of what monsters his family had been. 

“...it’s a big part, but Kai-chan’s upset for more than just Byakuya,” Kokichi sighed. Then...he was quiet. Looking around Maki’s room...his gaze falling on her punching bag. 

“...I was really worried about your and Shuu-chan’s birthdays,” Kokichi started, almost confusingly with how jarring the subject shift was. “I knew we probably weren’t going to be able to celebrate yours, but...at least for Shuu-chan, I wanted to make his first one in Dicea special. But I had no idea when your birthdays were...neither of you told me, other than they were in spring, and Shuu-chan always got vague when I tried to find out later. I could’ve always just looked in your files in the archive but...it feels wrong to do that.”

“...in particular...I was getting really worried that even if you weren’t going to be here, I wouldn’t even...like, think happy birthday thoughts to you on the day.” Kokichi rolled his eyes, giving Maki a grin. “I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I still do it.”

“...one night, I woke up kind of shaken from a dream...and I think it was about you. I told Kai-chan and Shuu-chan that I was missing you, and that I was worried about your birthday and how you were doing and...turns out, that it had just been your birthday. And I know it’s dumb and sentimental, but...I was really kicking myself for missing it.”

Kokichi sighed, smoothing out a corner of the paper. “Our next therapy session, I explained all that, and Dr. Mariah got this serious look on her face. Asked if I resented Kai-chan and Shuu-chan for not telling me it was your birthday. I think...there might’ve been a moment where I did, but...I mean, I never asked straight out. I could’ve gone any time to look at your file. But I didn’t. I’d drawn rules up around myself that...didn’t really mean anything, and then was upset when I sabotaged myself.”

Kokichi turned to Maki again, his gaze worried and soft. “...I think you just realized, but...it wasn’t Kai-chan who made that decision. It was you. Even if it was your relationship that motivated that decision...it was still yours, and he doesn’t deserve to be punished for something he didn’t do.”

Admittedly, Maki had wondered where this was actually going, as Kokichi very seriously talked about regretting missing her birthday. Was he trying to apologize? No, he had to know she didn’t care, so…

But the point of the story became more obvious as time went on, and Maki just quietly listened, a tense, annoyed look on her face. Her chest hurt. She ignored the rest of the bread and focused on the small, easy to eat grapes, popping them in one after another, brow furrowed in frustration.

“...I know it’s not his fault.” She agreed. She was annoyed with herself for even being as upset as she was, and expressing it in such a petty way, but… “...But is it too much to ask him to be happy!? His family survived the war. And if that’s not a reason enough to be happy, could he not just… be happy for me? The indentured program is disbanded! Kaede’s reunited the kingdom once again under the Momota name. My siblings are safe, and, for that matter, no one from the capital is even dead. None of them! I didn’t kill our friends, or our family, and Luminary is a better place now. Better than it’s ever been!”

“...well, besides the food shortage now.” Maki admitted, shrugging, a… weirdly uncomfortable look on her face as she said, “But that wasn’t anyone’s fault. That food rot crisis was the closest I’ve ever come to praying to Atua, thanking him. If there was ever an act of god…”

“...I left and succeeded on making things better, and I barely took anything from Kaito to do it. It could have been so much worse. For a long time, the plan was meant to be so much worse…” Maki huffed, pulling her tangled hair back behind her ears, out of her face as she said, “...I thought… I thought at least a part of him would be happy…”

Kokichi sighed softly. ...yeah. Even with all the horror of war around it...Luminary had just had a huge win. They were finally on the rise to pull out of slavery and vast inequality and a society where, no matter your circumstances when you were born--ideally--you could find a way into different circumstances. As sympathetic as Kokichi was to his husband’s pain...Luminary needed a revolution. 

“...I think that’s just a conversation you two need to have. And...if not happy? Then I hope Kai-chan can at least find peace in what’s happened. That his loved ones made it out, that life for countless people are benefiting greatly. I just...don’t understand his feelings. Only that he’s hurting. So...that’s something he needs to communicate to you.”

Kokichi rubbed the little bit of the bridge of his nose visible. “...hearing about that rot in the capital...we could barely believe it. Didn’t, at first, but every piece of news we got from Luminary was proving it true…” He cracked a small smile up at Maki. “...I’m assuming you saying that means you have no idea how it happened either, right?”

Maki, immediately, shook her head… but then hesitated. 

“...No. I really don’t.” She said, though her tone was uncertain, “It was perfect… a perfect opportunity. So perfect that I’m hesitant to say it wasn’t done on purpose, but… how? Who would have the resources and ability? Simultaneously destroying every food bank in the capital of Luminary, up to and including the food kept in private homes? And it didn’t spread… it was just  the capital. Food sources that came from the same farms or oceans or storage areas were sent to places outside of the capital, and were entirely unaffected. It didn’t seem to matter how the food was preserved, kept frozen, sealed in its original packaging, grown in home gardens… it’s impossible, for it to be a coincidence.”

“But it’s also impossible to achieve. Not in my wildest dreams, could I even imagine how you could get a quarter of it accomplished. I don’t know anyone, or even of anyone, who could possibly hope to achieve it on purpose.” Maki swallowed, her gaze far away, as she said, “It was… the only word I can think of is ‘miracle’... or tragedy, I suppose. A perfectly timed tragedy…”

Maki fell silent, and for a second it seemed like that was all she had to say.

“...it happened the night of my birthday.” Maki said softly. “... I couldn’t sleep. I was spending most of that night on the top of the farm I was hiding in that day. We had to move from farm to farm, every few days. The leadership, I mean. We were constantly traveling, keeping key organizers hidden, so Byakuya couldn’t cut us at the head. It was important to keep Makoto hidden. The indentured’s might have been fighting under my legacy, but the civilians were fighting under the banner of a man named Makoto Naegi’s. He was their symbol, their ultimate hope. If he was taken, captured, killed...people would have lost their courage. The civilians would have run home, safe in their anonymity. The indentured’s would have been left to be hunted and killed... Makoto kept the indenturdes’ and the civilians working together peacefully. Shockingly enough, not all civilians were entirely comfortable working alongside us…”

“I kept Indentured’s focused and bloodthirsty. Promised them vengeance for what had been done to them. Promised them freedom. Naegi promised the civilians better laws, the ability to keep the nobles and wealthy accountable, a terror-free society. We both promised Kaede would provide both… and when we found out about the food contamination a few days laters, after the night it had happened, Naegi took me and a few others into a dark room, and demanded to know what we had done. He had looked at us with so much horror… what did you do, Maki…”

“He looked so convinced I had done it that for a moment? I almost believed it too. He has a way of saying things that make you believe it.” Maki laughed hollowly, shaking her head a little, “I felt… ashamed. Mortified. What had I done? People were going to starve. They were going to starve by the thousands in a matter of weeks. Commoners would be brutalized and stolen from in the nearby towns and cities. Indenturedes would undoubtedly be the last to be fed, when food rations finally arrived. What had I done…”

“But I hadn’t done anything. The night everything happened, I was sitting on that farm roof, and I was thinking of you… you just kept coming to mind, Kokichi. I kept thinking, ‘what would Kokichi do in my place’, and I… couldn’t think of anything. No way forward that wasn’t full of bloodshed. I couldn’t think of anything, and I remember having this thought, that night, that at the very least, I could kill Byakuya. I could keep my vow of vengeance to my brothers and sisters. I’d kill the king…”

Maki closed her eyes, “...I have no idea why… but that night I just… hated myself. I burst into tears on that roof, and thought to myself, ‘I’m a monster… he’s going to hate you… you deserve to be hated...’ and that thought just… plagued me. That Kaito was going to hate me. That I deserved it. And I realized on the roof that night, that I couldn’t kill Byakuya. That my promises to my siblings, that my vengeance, that the justice the world deserved… it was all going to come second. It was all going to come second to my fear of Kaito… just hating me… I picked Kaito above all of that...”

...Maki sighed. Rolling her eyes at herself as she said, “...And maybe I still succeeded, cause if he really hated me, I’d be dead right now. But still… can he just be… happier… ngh. I feel bad.”

Kokichi nodded a bit. “We thought about it a lot and...yeah. It’s...too coincidental, but there’s just...no way for a group to pull it off, while remaining covert. It’s kinda scary, honestly, knowing that something like that’s possible…”

There was something almost sweet in how Maki and Kokichi had apparently been thinking about each other on her birthday, but...it really wasn’t a happy thing. Kokichi had been caught up in his longing, missing his friend, and Maki...had been in the middle of the war. Remembering Kokichi’s assertion that great things could happen without bloodshed, and not seeing that path exist in front of her. 

Honestly, Kokichi had no idea what he’d have done in her place. 

...but even if it wasn’t exactly happy...Maki had realized something that Kokichi had been unable to say for so long. 

Kokichi looked back at his letter supplies and had no idea what to write. “...I don’t know if it would help you, but...tell Kai-chan that. That you picked him. That’s really important…”

“You’re both hurt. You both have reasons to hurt. You just...need to talk about them. And then...figure things out from there. That initial understanding is important…”

“...I’m not sure what to write back…”

“Tell him he’s stupid, and that his family was a nightmare, and that by all logic Atua apparently really agreed with me.” Maki grumbled, “...and tell him I love him, and if I could have helped it I wouldn’t have hurt him, and that Kaede was a manipulator…”

Maki blinked. Her eyes suddenly widening…

“...tell him he’s a better kisser than Kaede and that I only implied otherwise to be mean.” Mak said. “She’s a really passive kisser. She makes you do all the work. It’s like kissing a warm bread loaf. And she’s boring. It’s like, if she didn’t have a speech pre-planned that’s she’s used a thousand times already, then she’d just smile and agree with whatever you said enthusiastically, like that was enough to be likable. She’s a two-faced, boring, empty mirror of a person, and if I could have picked a Momota to replace Byakuya,  I would have picked Kaito over Kaede.”

Maki glanced at Kokichi… and glared. “Well? Are you writing!?”

Kokichi prepared a paper, but as Maki got on a roll…

His eyes widened, looking at Maki in astonishment, but...there was a part of him that settled down, curling comfortably in satisfied amusement. And...Kokichi had no idea where that feeling came from. But it was incredibly enjoyable to hear Maki rip Kaede apart. 

Snorting, Kokichi leveled a dry look on Maki. “No, I’m not gonna write any of that. That’s something you should tell Kai-chan in person, I think. Because you guys are gonna talk all this out when you’re feeling better.”

Kai-chan

You and Maki-chan have A LOT to talk about. So much. But you both know it isn’t fair for either of you to do it while you’re taking responsibility and Maki-chan’s sick. But you two really care about each other, and you want to take the steps forward to feel better about each other, because now? You both feel like garbage. 

I will give a teaser to some of what Maki-chan said, though: She only said Kaede was a better kisser than you to get under your skin. Apparently she really sucks at it.

For whatever your talk looks like, I’ll do whatever I can to help. I love you a lot. 

-Kokichi

“Spoil sport.” Maki muttered, watching Kokichi bring the letter to the door.

-

Outside… in a nest of pillows and blankets and snacks and juice…

Shuichi blinked. “Wow…”

Kaito sighed, “Yeah…”

“...I mean.” Shuichi sighed, “But you don’t have sex with her?”

“I mean…” Kaito winced, a guilty, hang-dog look on his face, “... I haven't yet. But, I mean, by this point, it really feels like it’s just gonna be a matter of time…”

Shuichi nodded, a displeased look on his face, as he said, “Yeah, I suppose so...I mean, obviously I’m not upset, or anything, though it is a little weird… are you going to tell Kokichi?”

“Fuck, man…. Do you think he’d be upset?”

“No, not really, he’s not… I mean…” Shuichi sighed, rolling his eyes, “He knows the difference between fantasy and reality. But you dream about this woman all the time?”

“Saint Madison, yeah.” Kaito chuckled dryly, giving Shuichi a guilty look, “Like.. a really, really hot version of her, anyway.”

“Yep. Yep. I know. You keep saying.” Shuich grumbled. “...I mean, I guess it helps that she’s dead.”

“Shuichi!”

“What? If you were constantly having sexy dreams about, like, that woman at the clothing store downtown, then I’d be more worried! Cause she exists! And is a twenty minute walk down a hill! And was into you!”

“Come on, man, I can’t control what I dream…”

“I’m not saying you can! I mean… you could with some training. But you can’t! And I get that! I’m not saying that I’m jealous of the sexy dream saint that yells at you in sexy armor! Cause I’m not! Cause that would be weird!”

“Mmhm...”

“But I’m just saying… it helps that it’s not someone you could actually cheat on us with.”

“I wouldn’t cheat on you with the chick at the clothing store even if I did have sexy dreams of her.”

“No, of course not, I’m not saying that! I’m just saying… ugh.” Shuichi groaned, running his hand over the brim of his cap, “It just helps to know it’s not on your mind so much that you’re literally dreaming about it!”

“Fucking Sant Madison was never on my mind before I started dreaming about her! It’s not related!”

“...do you daydream about other people?” Shuichi asked quietly.

“Oh, Shuichi, handsome, please, don’t do that to me…” Kaito groaned… before looking up as the door opened, “Oh! Kokichi!”

Like before, Kokichi had intended on just placing the letter on the outside of the door, but he paused, looking between his partners’ expressions. “You two okay? I...guess you’ll read it, but I think I’m starting to run out of things to say. Maybe just a few more letters today? I think?”

It just depended on how much more he and Maki had to talk about, though that seemed to be losing steam too. 

Kaito sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he said, “Yeah, we’re fine… right?” he asked Shuichi, who quickly nodded.

“We’re just talking about dreams and daydreams and stuff like that…” Shuichi explained. They had been talking about Maki, but that had lead to Kaito talking about sometimes feeling like this person in his dreams all the time was sometimes a saint and sometimes she was just Maki with a different face, and then Kaito had started looking a little guilty, before confessing that he dreamed about this woman a lot lately, and he always found her really sexy and felt kinda bad about it…

And Shuichi would have taken it fine, except Kaito looked guilty! So was there something to feel guilty about!? Did Kaito not feel satisfied with him and Kokichi!? Apparently brothels were advertising directly to Kaito these days, was Kaito going to go get his rocks off there because he and Kokichi weren’t doing enough!? Was Kaito dissatisfied with them!? Was he going to leave them!?

“...we’re fine…” Shuichi continued… before his face scrunched up, and he moved his hat over his reddening eyes as, embarrassed, he whined between small hiccups of breath, “Oh noooo, this is so stupid, stooooop.”

Fucking hormones.

“Oh, fuck.” Kaito muttered, shoulders falling.

Maki looked up from the bed in the room, eyes narrowing in suspicion, “Is someone crying? Why do I hear crying? What did you all do-” the ‘tickle’ in her throat and the ache in her chest overwhelmed her, and she devolved into just a hacking cough, groaning into her mattress as she tried to catch her breath again. “...dammit.”

Dreams and daydreams… Well, Kaito did have some pretty wild ones sometimes, but...to elicit this kind of stress in his partners… While he wanted to take Kaito’s word, Kokichi felt the urge to double check, right before Shuuichi answered and…

“Oh, Shuu-chan…” Kokichi’s expression softened and he came forward, going to Shuuichi’s other side that Kaito wasn’t sitting by. ...letter time was done. Pressing his masked cheek against Shuuichi’s shoulder, Kokichi started gently rubbing his back. “What’s up? Even if it’s something you don’t wanna be crying over, let’s talk, alright? And we can get comfy in Maki-chan’s room so you don’t have to sit in the hall.”

And Maki could be involved without exhausting herself.

“I-i-it’s really stupid…” Shuichi sobbed, “K-Kaito-”

“Oh, can we please talk about this in Maki’s room?” Kaito begged, glancing down the hallway, really not wanting any of the staff to overheard Shuichi crying in the hallway about some ‘other woman’. Standing up, he started picking up the pillows and blankets, “Come on, come on, into Maki’s room, let me help you up handsome. Kokichi, babe, could you grab the plates?”

Kokichi nodded sympathetically and gave Shuuichi’s back one more rub before getting up and collecting the plates and snacks Shuuichi hadn’t gone through yet. “I’ve got them. I miss you guys anyway...it’s weird talking and not being face to face. Gotta keep my hands to myself, no Shuu-chan hugs or Kai-chan cuddles and I’ll say, I’m not a fan.”

As Kaito helped Shuuichi up, Kokichi followed them into Maki’s room, giving her a soft look. “Those coughs sounded uncomfortable--are you still good on juice, or want me to get you some water too?”

Maki tried to clear her throat to answer, and then tried again, her eyes narrowed in open suspicion as Kaito brought the blankets and pillows to the other side of the room on the opposite wall, where Kokichi had been hanging out, an embarrassed, whimpering Shuichi waiting to sit down. She cleared her throat again and rasped, “Why is he cry-”

“She needs water, yes, thank you beautiful.” Kaito rolled his eyes, finishing setting up the nest as Shuichi settled in, before glancing at Maki, and saying to Kokichi, “Actually, second thought? Let me handle the water. I know we’ve been really bad about this, but I’d rather neither of you get too close to Maki while she’s this wheezy, even with the masks. Alright, Maki, let’s get some water into you.”

Kaito continued to murmur to himself, still holding the letter, as he went to check on Maki’s glass and, seeing it was still half full of juice, went and just took his own glass from downstairs and filled it with water from the bathroom, before bringing it to Maki. “Drink this…  you barely drank your juice. Is your throat bad again?”

Maki nodded.

“Let’s get you another of those sucker candy things that’s supposed to soothe your throat. Don’t bite through it this time, just let it do its thing.” Kaito insisted, heading over to the desk and getting out one of the medicinal hard candies that Maki refused to take herself because, in her words, it ‘tasted like the worst parts of alcohol and barely helped anyway’.

Maki scrunched her nose up at the candy, but took it without arguing, letting the foul thing stay on her tongue as she sipped at the water. Ugh… “...why is Shuichi crying?” She finally managed to ask.

Kokichi had taken a single step towards Maki’s bathroom before sighing and changing course, heading over to settle down next to Shuuichi. They really were pushing the line with being around her, Shuuichi and him, but...none of them could even tempt the thought of staying away through her whole recovery. But even though it felt shitty not to help out as much as he could, that lenience meant that Kokichi would concede other points. 

Getting comfy on the pillows, Kokichi took up rubbing Shuuichi’s back again. “You’re good...it’s fine to cry. You were talking about dreams? What was up with that? Bad dreams? Other stuff? Talk to us, Shuu-chan.”

“It’s really stupid…” Shuichi muttered, wiping the back of his eyes, genuinely embarrassed to talk about it though greatly enjoying Kokichi’s attention, leaning his body against him a little.

Kaito didn’t say anything, because… kinda. Yeah. But he was doing what Kaito did best when he was annoyed and uncomfortable. He was refocusing his energy on taking care of a different problem, as he sat next to Maki, giving her a look over… she looked terrible. 

And Kaito was a little pissed at her, so he said as much, “You’re looking like garbage, Maki. You’re not going to bed like this, you need to take a shower and change your clothes before you go to sleep tonight.”

Maki shrugged, before saying, “Shuichi’s crying about dreams?”

“Sexy dreams!” Shuichi suddenly said, taking off his hat and using the back of it to rub his face, “Of sexy women! In sexy armor!”

“Shuichi, I don’t even have sex with them, and it’s one woman! ...and it’s a dream!”

“And she’s sometimes Maki?”

“Only kinda!?”

Maki snorted. 

As Shuuichi leaned into him, Kokichi took that as a sign to lavish even more attention on his boyfriend, holding him close and keeping up his back massage, pressing little masked kisses to his shoulder and head. It was hormone tears, but Kokichi had promised to not dismiss Shuuichi’s concerns even if they were silly ones, and...today was just a therapy day. And sometimes silly stuff bothered you. 

Though, as Shuuichi and Kaito...sort of explained, Kokichi raised an eyebrow. “...Kai-chan’s having a non-sex, but sexy dream about a sexy, armor-wearing woman that’s sometimes Maki-chan?” he repeated, wanting to get that clear. 

...so why would Shuuichi be upset about that…

Looking between his friends, Kokichi looked skeptical. “...I would be so shocked I’d refuse to believe it’s reality if Kai-chan was wanting to be all sexy and romantic with Maki-chan right now. Is something like that what’s got’cha right now?”

Shuichi sniffed, “No… I mean… no? Maki would kill Kaito if he tried to cheat on us with her-”

“True.” Maki said.

“I really hope I get more credit than that in, like, two minutes.” Kaito grumbled, “What about a bath? Would you take a bath?”

“You said I should take a shower.”

“Do you want to take a shower?”

“I feel like garbage.”

“Would it be more comfortable to take a bath?”

Maki shrugged. Kaito groaned… “Fuck it, fine, you’re taking a bath.” He grumbled, heading to the bathroom, “You’ll be able to talk to us through the open door.”

“Oh no, Shuichi.” Maki said dryly, “Kaito’s trying to get me naked for sexy seducing.”

“Shut up, Maki!” Shuichi glared at her… before sighing. “...I’m emotional and I’m mean and fat and gross and I never want to have sex these days and maybe… maybe Kaito’s going to get impatient…”

“Ah geez…” Kaito murmured from the bathroom as he started the water in the tub, calling back, “Kokichi, I’m filling the tub, can you handle this for a second?! Tell our boyfriend I’m not gonna do anything stupid like that!”

“I know you’re not, that’s why I’m embarrassed!”

Maki shrugged, “Don’t be embarrassed. I used to get a little jealous and possessive of Kaito too, when we were dating. It happens sometimes, even when you’re not a hormonal pregnant weirdo.”

“Kokichi, fight Maki, she won’t hit you back.” Shuichi demanded.

“Don’t punch Maki, she’s contagious!” Kaito called from the bathroom.

Even though it was Maki’s room and her germs were everywhere, Kokichi still pulled his mask down for a second, just to press a quick kiss right above Shuuichi’s mask. And with a tight hug for a moment, Kokichi’s voice was calm. “You’re not mean, you’re not gross, and you’re not a weirdo. Yes, you’re emotional, but...that’s okay. I’m emotional too.”

“It’s okay you don’t want sex,” Kokichi soothed, starting to stroke a hand through Shuuichi’s hair now too. “I haven’t really been in the mood lately either. But even with neither of us wanting it...Kai-chan’s not gonna stray. He knows how to take care of himself, and he doesn’t want anyone but us, sexy woman in his dreams be damned.”

Blushing lightly, Kokichi leaned a little closer to Shuuichi, murmuring just for him. “You know, Kai-chan and I discovered something about his preferences a while back? We tease him a lot for being down for a lot, but...the reason he is, is ‘cause he’s Shuu-chan-sexual. Things are appealing when he imagines them with you, because Kai-chan is head over heels for you, honey. There’s not a single chance he’d leave where his heart is, and it’s firmly with you. With us.”

“I mean,” Kokichi continued at a more normal volume, “He gave away that coupon the strip club sent. Even if we’re not having sex together, Kai-chan’s true to us. Dreams don’t really mean much...and if Kai-chan’s not even having sex with that dream woman, then I really doubt it’s even one of those dreams that means anything.” 

Shuichi sighed gently at the kiss, listening to Kokichi’s little whispered confessions, and his louder assurances, “...yeah?” He asked, sniffling. A little flattered at the idea that Kaito thought Shuichi, specifically, was more appealing than just sex in general, and the… well, yeah, the obvious ‘it’s also just a dream’ aspect of it. “...he did give the coupon away.”

“I did! I gave the coupon away! And I have not had any sexy dreams about the saints!” Lately. Not since he was a teenager! And even then barely ever! You couldn’t hold old weird sex dreams against Kaito, dammit, and even if you could, there were worse sexy dreams than just sexy saints to hold against him!

Coming out of the bathtub, Kaito sighed, took his opportunity with freshly washed hands to go give Shuichi a kiss on his forehead, before heading over to Maki, “Bath time.”

“I actually have to take a bath?”

“What, did you think me filling the tub with water was a joke? You’re covered in snot and sweat, your clothes are stained and have to be uncomfortable, and your hair is gnatting. You don’t want to take care of all of that yourself? Bathtime.”

Maki sighed, getting up and… “ooof…” ...dizzy. 

Kaito quickly reached out to steady her, “Come on, come on, I’ve got you... Shuichi if I promise to close my eyes while she gets in the tub, can I sit at the bathroom door to keep an eye on her in the tub?”

“I’m not going to pass out.” Maki mumbled.

Shuichi sighed. “...yes. That’s fine. You’d do it for me or Kokichi, you might as well continue the cycle of bathtime hoverings.”

“Kokichi? Does it bother you babe?”

“Not at all,” Kokichi shook his head. 

And maybe that was something that would be incredibly interesting to Dr. Mariah. Even if he knew that Kaito wasn’t going to sleep with other people, there were definitely issues Kokichi had with Kaito seeing...a lot of people naked, honestly. But Maki? It was just...comfortable. Helping someone with a bath. Family. 

Again, Kokichi pressed a masked kiss to Shuuichi’s cheek. “...how you feelin’?”

“...Like I want to gargle pickled jalapeno juice.” Shuchi half joked, resting his head against Kokichi’s and closing his eyes, “Why does Miyako like spicy foods so much? Doesn’t she know two out of three of her dads don’t do spicy foods? Why do I always want spicy foods now…”

Sghing, Shuichi kissed at Kokichi’s temple through the mask, opening his eyes again as he said, “I feel better. I wasn’t even upset when he first told me. We were wondering if it would upset you to know, and I was saying it wouldn’t… and then I just randomly got upset about it.”

“There’s too many bubbles in here.” Maki whined, as Kaito, eyes closed, helped her into the bath, “And it’s not hot enough.”

“There’s minimum amount of bubbles, it’s mostly salt, and you already have a fever, Maki, you don’t need it to be boiling. You’ll overheat.” 

“Fine… I need tissues.”

“And that reminds me, I need to clean up your bed.” Kaito grumbled. “Are you under the water?”

“Yes.”

Kaito opened his eyes and immediately looked away, “Dammit Maki!”

“It’s not weird in Dicea.”

“I should have doubled the bubbles.” Kaito continued to grumble, heading out of the bathroom, looking scandalized, as he went to grab the box of tissues and the glass of water. Bringing it to Maki, he placed it by the tub, avoiding looking at her as she lounged. “We’re washing and brushing your hair after this too.”

“Okay…” Maki said softly, watching him leave the bathroom… before reaching out to the faucet.

Kaito rolled his eyes as heard the tell-tale signs of Maki filling the tub with more hot water, heading to her bed to start cleaning up the tissues and stripping it of its sheets. “Let me just take care of this, babe, and then I’ll read your letter, okay?”

“She won’t even be able to eat spicy foods as a baby,” Kokichi lamented. “It’s gonna be years before I can share the joy of moderately spicy food with her anyway. And maybe by then her taste buds will have changed and she won’t even like it anyway.”

While he sighed, Kokichi hugged Shuuichi close again and nuzzled his shoulder. “...even if it’s not about the dream itself, it’s a reasonable concern to feel like...we’re withholding sex, or something, and that that would put a strain on Kai-chan. Honestly, I get worried about that, time to time. But Kai-chan’s always assured me he’s true, and I trust him. So we can reassure you too.”

Kokichi still wanted to have that fun time with Kaito, now that he was feeling better, but...ever since she arrived, Kokichi had just been so worried for Maki. And there was so much to do all the time…

Soon, he promised himself again. Soon. 

Cuddled to Shuuichi’s side, Kokichi waved Kaito off a bit. “No fuss from me. This letter isn’t so pressing and...I think we’re done for now, so no hurry.”

Kaito sighed, grabbing the waist bin and cleaning up the tissues as he said, “Do you think we did it right? I mean, I know that these ‘aren’t tests’ and that there’s no ‘right’ way to do it, and blah blah blah… but do you think we did it right?”

Kokichi smirked a bit, absolutely having just been about to say that there was no right way to do it, though he gave Kaito a soft look just after. “...I think so. We were able to talk about things that we haven’t been able to get to otherwise and...I think it really is helpful for organizing my thoughts a little more. I feel like I can explain myself better...though, that’s only from my own perspective.”

“Were things clear to you, or am I going off on my own fantasy?” Kokichi asked, resting his head comfortably on Shuuichi’s shoulder. 

“Mmmmmm,” Kaito put down the blankets on the ground for a bit, pulling off the sheet, ignoring the spots still wet from Maki’s… everything. Bundling it up, he threw the sheets into her hamper, before heading to the closet to pull out some new linens, like Waku had showed him. “I feel like… seeing my thoughts written down made them clearer to me, somehow. I know I’m supposed to journal and stuff because of that, Miss Crystal has recommended it to me a bunch, but I don’t know… it makes me uncomfortable, sometimes, to see my thoughts just down in front of me, sometimes.”

“Is it because your thoughts surprise you?” Shuichi asked, now pretty content to just sit and chill out, side all comfortably full of Kokichi. “Because you do have a tendency to talk a lot without really thinking about what you’re saying.” Shuichi pointed out, this being a conversation he and Kaito had most certainly had before.

“I guess? I don’t know if it’s a bad thing, being able to see your thoughts written down...but it does make me more aware of what I’m saying, yeah.” Kaito said, finishing up putting on the new sheets.

Kokichi nodded slightly. While ideally you were mindful of the things you said to other people, since your words were certainly real to them, somehow...in writing, seeing what you wrote just tended to make things feel...more concrete. Like you were really bringing them into existence. Especially for difficult subject matter, it could be more uncomfortable to see that. 

“Mmm…” Kokichi hummed, tracing a nonsense pattern into Shuuichi’s back. “Maybe this is just good to keep as a tool in our pockets. When we need a little more consideration and awareness, if we’re not getting anywhere talking about it in person? Bam, we can write about it.”

...and maybe he was just provoking the wrong thing by still trying to talk about it, but...Kokichi’s curiosity didn’t always manifest in good ideas. 

“...you definitely have been frustrated with me before,” Kokichi softly started, “And a sample size of one definitely isn’t enough to see any sort of pattern. But it feels like...you’re willing to be a little more upfront in writing, especially when it comes to anger and frustration. Considering that you said you don’t like to be angry in front of us...I think this is a good tool for still expressing those things.”

Kaito hesiated, as he put the blankets back on the bed, changing out their lining for something cleaner for Maki to snot and sweat all over more comfortably, “...did I seem angry in the letters? I guess maybe I did… I don’t like being angry at you guys. I know I can get… loud and scary and I punch walls and shit… I don’t want to be that kind of person to you guys.”

Kaito grit his teeth, running his hands through his hair as he said, some frustration in his tone, “And, like… I get it. Miss Crystal and Dr. Mariah keep saying it over and over and over… me being angry at other people doesn’t make it any less scary to be around me. It doesn’t matter if I’m not angry at you. It’s still… alarming. To see me angry. I don’t want you guys to have to be afraid of me…”

Sighing, Kaito sat down on the bed, shrugging at the two of them, as he said, “But, yeah… without me screaming and punching things and pacing the floor… I guess letters are maybe a better way of expressing myself there? Cause… yeah, I do get frustrated with stuff. I just… don’t like you guys needing to deal with it. I’m not good at being angry. I lash out too much.”

“Not so much,” Kokichi quickly reassured. “Just...frustrated, yanno? For good reason. And...I’m happy that you could express that to me. ...I think that’s some of what Dr. Mariah was talking about. It doesn’t actually solve anything, but...being frustrated together, and stuff like that, just...acknowledging that things kinda suck? It feels more...like we can face it, with that kind of solidarity. Or I can face it. No ‘we’s…”

Kaito’s anger response was...extreme. It made sense why he didn’t want to have that sort of energy in front of his loved ones. But Kokichi didn’t want it to be that Kaito could literally never be angry around him. That just wasn’t feasible. 

Giving his husband a soft look, Kokichi sighed. “...it’s not so much I’m afraid of you. I know you’d never hurt me, or Shuu-chan either, even if you were raging. But...I used to get really afraid for you. That you’d get arrested or get yourself really hurt or end up doing something you regretted… I used to get so worried whenever you’d be out and about on your own for long amounts of time.”

“...but you’ve gotten really good at managing your anger. So...I can confront my own fears and trust you to be safe. So I’m not afraid...I just wish I could help you outlet your anger more.”

Alright… bed was made… shirt. Kaito had promised a new shirt for her to sleep in. A big shirt. Sigh. The one with the cool red swirls in the bottom right corner. And some of her shorts.

Heading to her dresser, Kaito pulled out some spare underwear and shorts, placing them on the bed, “I need to head to the room for a second, grab something…” Kaito looked down at his men, rubbing the back of his neck, “...I’m sorry I made you worry, babe. And, I’m sorry for all the times I’ve put you in a situation where you had to hunt me down, handsome-”

“Literally the foundation of our friendship.” Shuichi mumbled.

“- and… yeah. I’m still working on it. I used to just hide in the shrine till I stopped being angry. That was what the priestesses taught me to do… you can be as angry as you want to be, in a room by yourself. But Miss Crystal says that probably just trained me to have an even harder time, like… controlling myself. Like, letting out my emotions is fine, but just hiding violent outbursts doesn’t… teach me how to deal with them. And I figure that’s not what you’re saying I should do, but when I hear you say ‘help me outlet’, my first thought is, ‘no, no, I don’t want the next thing I’m trained to do is take it out on ‘Kichi’.”

“There’s other ways to express anger beyond shouting and punching walls.” Shuichi pointed out.

“Yeah, well… how do you guys express anger?” Kaito asked, scratching his scalp, “But, like… in ways that don’t embarrass you later?”

“Cut people.” Maki called from the bathroom.

“I’m not asking you, Maki!”

It was...an odd moment. Oddly relieving to hear Kaito say what Kokichi had been thinking. It was so easy to treat the symptoms and not the cause. That was why Kokichi had been so worried, because Kaito didn’t know how to do anything but have violent outbursts when he was angry, and him just...not being around Kokichi when it happened didn’t help anything. 

It was nice hearing Kaito want to change. 

Smiling slightly, Kokichi let out a soft, sheepish laugh. “I tended to lash out at people verbally, but...that’s not a good way either, and I’ve been trying to be better about it. Screaming into pillows tends to help me, though. And...when I’m really pissed…”

Kokichi tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling. “...it’s a little weird, but I try to be really happy out of spite. Like...trying to have a lot of fun, or be really effective and passionate about my work, as if to rub it in people’s faces that despite trying to...do whatever they did that pissed me off? I’m better than that, and I can have a happy life regardless of them. Or if I’m not that connected to it, I just talk shit.”

“...I know my sister goes to work out when she’s angry, to get the energy out, and Denji makes vent art.”

“I run revenge scenarios through my head.” Shuichi said, looking entirely non-plussed about it, as Kaito snorted.

“Yeah, you do do that…” Kaito said fondly, “I remember we’d sit at the pub and Maki and I would just listen to your grand revenge scenarios, offering advise and observations. Some of them were really impressive.”

Shuichi nodded, before shrugging a little, “I’d do that until I got tired of it. I virtually never actually followed through on any of them. I liked just… talking about them. Making fun of it a little bit, getting angry a little bit… I guess just more advanced forms of the floor lamenting Maki and I do. That’s another one, I guess. Maki and I spend a lot of time griping to each other, when we’re upset. To be fair, though, I don’t usually get upset with the same ‘intensity’ you guys do.”

“So… options are up to and including, ‘living well’, ‘working out’, ‘art’, ‘revenge fantasies’, ‘lamenting’, and-”

“-Cutting people!”

“Maki you can’t cut people here! You can really only cut me or Tim and frankly that’s a conversation you and I need to have!”

Kokichi could remember being a little alarmed by the lengths of Shuuichi’s revenge in the past, not quite recognizing it as a fantasy, but...honestly? It sounded like a really good way to express all that. And creative processes could get kind of exhausting after a while, so it was probably really satisfying by the end too. 

Though Maki’s outlet… Kokichi glanced over to the bathroom doorway in concern. In part, he knew some of Maki’s outlets were hyping up her own persona. Creative threats and painting herself in dramatic ways. And, yeah, some of that was actually just her, but some of it was catharsis too. 

...but there were things that concerned Kokichi and he’d just...never brought them up. 

“Violence against other people is kind of an issue…” he softly sighed. “So...I do think that’s off the table. But I will advocate for screaming again.”

Kokichi chewed on his lip a little, still looking to the bathroom, unsure if he should try to dig in more to that conversation, or...if it should be left with the other conversations Kaito and Maki needed to have but couldn’t right now.