Kaito waved his hands dismissively, “No, no, you guys don’t have to do that, that’s why I’m doing it.”

Shuichi frowned, “Kaito you just said you’re tying up most of your money in this, and last I checked, you really like to shop.”

“Have I been shopping since I got here? No. I’ve been very self disciplined in that regards.” Kaito said, squaring his shoulders a little, “I don’t even go into the stores, okay? Can’t shop when you don’t go. And I don’t go to do this, which is more important and I like more anyway. Like… okay, so, listen.” 

Kaito scooted up, sitting on the edge of his chair, putting his elbows on his knees as he spread his hands wide from there, like he was displaying something, “Let me paint you a picture. You two are… okay, well, Kokichi’s got his own whole thing, right? He’s gonna be leader, and, I know that doesn’t pay anything, but it’s important and it gives us access to this castle, so he supports us that way.” Kaito said, “And Shuichi, once you’re finished with school? You’re gonna have your own agency! Someday! With the national allowance and the Momota allowance, plus a personal paycheck from a business you’ll run? In a few years, you’ll be the wealthiest member of our family! Which is so exciting!” 

Shuichi raised an eyebrow, “...okay… what does all of that mean?”

“It means, someday, when I need things, or, if another member of our family needs something, you’ll be able to cover it. Um, but, but, for right now? As the person who’s not literally going to be leading an entire country, and isn’t our primary breadwinner, I need to be doing my part now, while I still can.” Kaito said, nodding certainly to himself, “This is the time I can actually seriously contribute and make a difference, like, financially and family protection wise. And I want to do my part, while my part still matters, ya know? Like, this is my opportunity to contribute… so, like, you guys don’t need to give me wiggle room to spend my money on ‘clothes’.” Kaito said, rolling his eyes, “I don’t mind saving the money. It makes me feel useful. You guys should save your money for fun stuff, like trips and things like that!”

Kokichi’s eyebrows furrowed. Financial martyrdom, putting expectations on Shuuichi that…likely wouldn’t match up with what life was like, feeling like he wasn’t doing enough…

…he just didn’t know what to say to that. Something that wouldn’t be combative or dismissive of Kaito’s concerns… There was so much he felt differently about, but…how was he supposed to articulate that?

Kokichi put his chin in his hand, then covered his mouth, shifting as he thought about what to say. “...I don’t think we ever actually discussed it… What sort of money emergencies are you expecting, or…maybe not even expecting, but just…worried about, Kai-chan?”

“Um…” Kaito rubbed the back of his neck, “... specifically? I dunno… but there’s no such thing as too much, right? The more we have, the safer everyone will be. I mean… admittedly that’s, like, a little less true here…”

Uncertainty lined his face for a moment, before it lit up, “And it doesn’t even have to be for safety things! Miya and Timothy will have so many more opportunities with a strong financial start in life! They could use it to, uh…” what did peasants do to make a lot of money? Oh! “Start a business! And…” Nope, that was all. Kaito couldn’t think of other ways you could earn a lot of money without being, like… born into it. Marrying into it? Mmmmm maybe not for his kids… yeah that was a no… 

Shuichi sighed. “We’ve had this exact conversation before. How did the last one end?” he asked, sounding like he was talking to himself, “... oh, right. Maki and I left the room and you two had some sort of fight.”

Kaito frowned, “...was that how that conversation ended? I don’t remember what we fought about… is this something we needed to fight about? I don’t want to fight about it… what’s wrong with my logic?”

Kokichi sighed and rubbed his forehead. “...there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a little extra stored away for your kids, but…that’s exactly why children get an income too. So they have some padding if they’re the type that wanna strike out on their own…or that they just have their own funds to learn how to have and spend money while they’re kids. Mostly? If people still have a lot of money after business taxes, if that’s how they have wealth, people just become benefactors for the community.”

“...because, at least to me, there is a thing as too much money. If you have enough to live comfortably and go off and do whatever fun thing you want without stress…then there’s no point to having any more than that. It’d make no difference sitting in a safe or being melted down. At least if they were melted down, maybe they’d be tools or parts for something.”

Kokichi looked up, mildly glum, but…really hoping he could reach Kaito about this this time. “...it’s not about if you’re alright saving for the kids. I’d be willing to contribute for a fund for them too! But…it bothers me that you’re just deciding that to feel helpful, you don’t get to have any fun money…but the thing you’re wanting to feel helpful towards wouldn’t be any less helped if you saved an extra…I dunno, gold a cycle for yourself.”

“...things in Dicea are specifically set up so people don’t have to scrimp and save for the future. If you don’t feel safe enough to be able to buy new clothes every once in a while, or go out to a nice restaurant, or take all the kids to the aquarium…then the system is failing you.” Kokichi’s lips thinned. “And as your partner, I take that seriously. I want to help fix the system. So…that would mean me contributing to the kids’ savings too, so you can feel comfortable about their future, while still being able to have fun.”

“...nothing relies on one person.”

“...” Kaito’s face did something complicated, before it settled down. “Oh, yeah… okay. That makes sense.” He paused, before nodding, “Thank you guys. Um, we’ll… ya know what, Shuichi, like you said, we should look over the budget and we’ll… we’ll figure out as a family how much we want to put aside for everyone and figure out a plan and that will be good.”

Kaito fussed with his knuckles a bit… before nodding. “Yeah, that’ll be good. Um… oh! That means I am,” Kaito grinned, looking a little genuinely pleased with this, “Absolutely buying Miyako some more onesies. She’ll be big enough to wear them any day now and I want to be ready! And I… oh! I’ll start putting some money away for traveling! Or, uh, maybe buy some new earrings, I’ve only got one really nice earring that Amber made for me, I’ve got these damn holes, I may as well get more. Yeah, that’d be fun! Um… oh, I think something, like onyx colored might be cool.”

“Kaito, are you okay?” Shuichi asked.

“Yes. Yes. I am, I know I’m acting weird, I’m okay, I just realized in the middle of Kokichi talking that you were right and I feel kinda stupid for holding onto this idea for so long, especially considering we’ve talked about this twice now… I’m just holding onto it for no reason.”

Well, no. But Kaito had realized halfway through Kokichi talking that he was holding onto it for a shitty reason and was now embarrassed. And he didn’t really want to talk to them about it. Because it really was so stupid… 

“...Shuichi, you’ve got Miyako now, right?” Kaito asked, looking to his boyfriend, “Do you guys mind if I go take a walk after this? I can bring the plates down and stuff.”

…it wasn’t quite the head-down, ‘okay, yes, you’re right’ backing away that had made Kokichi too worried to confront Kaito about things before, but…he wasn’t sure. Kokichi just wanted to be able to talk about their budgets so that Kaito didn’t have to send all his money to other people out of a sense of duty. But…he didn’t get the sense that Kaito was spiraling, so…maybe it really was okay. 

He smiled slightly at Kaito thinking of all the things he could get, though it faded soon enough. “...not for no reason. But…we don’t have to get into it right now, if you don’t want to. Maybe it’ll be something to save for one of our sessions someday?” Kokichi was hopeful in asking the question, but…well, he wasn’t going to hold his breath. 

Looking over to Shuuichi as well, Kokichi nodded gently before looking back over to Kaito. “That’s fine with me…and I think I’m gonna be awake for a bit, if you need to step out for anything, Shuu-chan. Thanks for the plates, hun…and for getting me different food.”

Kokichi smiled a bit more warmly. “I love and appreciate you all the time.”

Kaito grinned, getting up, “Yeah, we can do that. I mean, I’m still waiting for Maki to have her breakdown so we can all bag on her for a session or two, but, well… until that lucky day? Always good to have things we want to focus on for those sessions! Puts less pressure on our therapist to go digging!”

And his grin softened as he said, “And I know you do. I love you too, beautiful.”

“Ahem.”

“And handsome! Lots of love! In all directions! Love and appreciation! All over the place! I’ll be back soon!”

Kaito closed the door behind him… and sighed. Smooooooth. Smooth, Momota. God, you’re so freaking…

… he should head to his shrine.

… egh. What, to yell at himself some more? Atua loved him, but he certainly wasn’t going to stop Kaito from throwing a tantrum at himself.

……… maybe Waku wouldn’t mind being a listening ear. She usually, if not always provided useful advice, then at least grounded Kaito a bit. But, like, not in the sucker punch, leave him for dead way Maki would. And he felt like it was too pathetic to talk to his partners about, especially after being such a dick to Kokichi that morning.

He’d see if Waku had time.

Two weeks until Zenith. 

A lot of people who managed to get a time slot with Denji were only going to the stylist for, well, styling, but one of the perks of living at the castle and having known Denji for the past decade meant that Waku had a little more sway in asking favors from the fashionista, at least with an ample time window provided. 

Waku blinked in surprise when she heard a knock on her door, and finally tore her eyes away from the brand new yukata Denji had finished the final fittings for that was now hanging on the door of her closet. A gorgeous soft pale blue robe with white and pink clouds and birds set into the pattern, while translucent pink beads were carefully applied in sets of morse code, explaining Denji’s commission information (one of the trades they’d agreed on) and a more saturated obi to tie it all together. 

It was perfect, and even with how exhausted Denji looked--their hairstyle today might’ve been called a lovingly crafted whirlwind, but now it was more like a tornado--the pleased, smug look on their face said everything anyone needed to know about how they felt about their work. 

Enough that they just looked over with mild curiosity as they packed up the last of their pins as Waku opened the door. 

“Oh, hey Kaito, what happened?”

“Hey Waku. So, I’m a selfish, self-centered moron who’d rather sabotage my kids than admit that.” Kaito grinned warily, mid-knock, “Do you think you have time to unpack that with me? Cause I need to talk to someone abou–” 

Kaito blinked, looking over Waku’s shoulder… then turning red he said, “Oh! Hi! Denji! Didn’t, uh… didn’t see you there! …sup?”

Waku stared up at Kaito in mild surprise, unable to stop the prince on a roll except to open her door a little wider. 

Denji, on the other hand, just turned with a hand on their hip before huffing a small, tired laugh. “Really? You should try it more often. Take the ‘moron’ part off, and I admit that about three times a day.”

“Now, now, I won’t get in the way of your venting,” they waved a hand dismissively before returning to their packing. “I’ll be on my way in a moment. Though, Kaito, we do need to talk--I can give you some color samples of what Kokichi’s ensemble is going to be for the festival, because I trust you to coordinate without my interference…but I will insist, I am the castle stylist. You won’t be able to ignore my services forever if I have anything to say about it.”

Nodding sagely, Waku patted Kaito’s arm and stood to the side, welcoming him in. “They’re put out that you haven’t wanted to get all dolled up for anything.”

“Oh shush, you, I have enough clientele as it is.”

“Oh, uh… in one of the… colorful robe things? I asked Kokichi, I thought that was an ‘Ouma’ thing?” Kaito said, rubbing the back of his neck as he walked in, looking sheepish, “And I’m not sure I’d… look right in one of- oh!” Kaito saw the robe on the closet door, giving it a stunned look, before looking to Waku, “Are you gonna wear this!? Waku, that’s gonna look great on you! Put it on, can I see?!”

Denji groaned, actually looking genuinely frustrated and disappointed. “He thinks I only make yukata… I’ve been reduced to a one-trick archival recreationist…”

Ignoring Denji’s crisis for the time being, Waku lit up and bounced over to her new yukata, gesturing at it to show it off. “Incredible, right! Den knocked it out of the park. I’ve literally been staring at it for like twenty minutes.”

Huffing, Denji managed to pull themself straight again. “First of all, yukata are simply traditional garments--it’s a good look for Oumas to wear them during important events, as a way of acknowledging Dicea’s past, but anyone can wear them. They’re just clothes,” they dismissed. “And second, no, I do not, only style people traditionally, or even with fusion. My job is to bring out the shining inner essence of a person to come through clearly and give them the confidence to shout to the world, ‘this is me, here I am, look at me!’ Na-tur-a-lly, not everyone would shine their brightest in the same types of clothes, so I style for whatever actually suits them and the occasion and purpose they want.”

“...also, you just haven’t found the right kind of fit if you think they wouldn’t work for you. You could make a burlap sack look chic, Kaito, don’t be absurd.”

Over by her closet, absolutely ready to show off, Waku started pulling off her short skater dress, pleased as punch to put the yukata back on.

“Ooooh… ya know, I think Kokichi did explain to me what the robe things were, but I- oop,” Kaito’s eyes wandered and, realizing Waku was changing, promptly refocused on Denji, turning away from her a bit to give her some privacy as he continued, “But I guess I didn’t entirely understand what he was saying. It makes more sense coming from you though, I get it. And do you think so? I mean… Kokichi’s was a lot of flowers and bright colors, uh, I’m not really a flowers and bright colors kinda guy…”

Kaito huffed, running his hands through his hair and messing it up a little as he said, “And if anything, I need less ‘this is me, look at me’. Like, seriously, I’m a fucking infant about that stuff already.” Kaito grumbled, going to sit in one of the bean bags, still pointedly not looking at Waku as he said, “...Zenith is Kokichi’s favorite holiday, maybe I should wear some Dicean clothes for it. I bet he’d be thrilled. Maybe I could rope everyone else into it too… do you have time for more workload before the holiday? Two weeks is pretty short notice, I’d understand if it’s just not doable.”

“Those are simply prints,” Denji sighed, not seeming in all that much of a hurry to finish packing up their things, despite having claimed to want to give Waku and Kaito their privacy. “Ko, as much as it pains me, is a flowers and bright colors guy, no? So that’s what I have him wear--I at least try to temper it into something a little less eye-searing than his usual fair.”

“Speaking of,” they interrupted themself, giving Kaito a slightly despairing look. “Why did no one stop him when he got his latest pair of swim trunks? Who on earth would even make a pair that looks like - that?” 

Shuddering, they continued. “My point, anyway, is that you have a different style aesthetic than my poor circus tent of a brother. That does not prohibit you from wearing a style of clothing, only that, even if you two somehow wore the same size, his clothes would seem ill-fitting on you. And vice versa, though the actual style may be nice--if a person is not happy with what they’re wearing, nothing will look good on them.”

Used to Denji’s tirades, Waku walked up unceremoniously into the middle of the room as she finished the final fastenings of her obi, beaming at Kaito before doing a slow turn around. However, when she faced the two of them again, her expression was more concerned. “Denji closed appointment slots for Zenith weeks ago. There were even notices on the bulletin board and everything.”

And while Denji puffed up with pride at that fact…they soon deflated, looking every bit exhausted as they felt, and all the more frustrated for it. Clenching their jaw, they let out a short puff of air. “...I don’t have time to make clothes for all of you. I was only able to finish Waku’s commission because we worked it out months ago,” they gestured to the, really, just stunning robe. Pressing their lips together in a familiar expression, they thought for a moment. “...I will be able to help dress all of you, and perhaps do some truly small adjustments, if you came in during Kokichi’s styling slot. And I have some recommendations for where you should buy yukata or jinbei or seteda other more traditional summer styles, since I would not be able to ensure the quality myself…”

Kaito sat up, beaming at Waku, a tint of red in his cheeks as he said, “Wow… man, I feel so bad for whichever poor bastards gonna try to compare themselves to you. You’re stunning, you’re gonna fucking own every room your in, Waku, wow.”

And at the clarification, he held his hands up placatingly, “No, it’s fine, that’s why I asked. Even if you weren’t booked, two weeks notice would be tough, I’m not totally ignorant the effort making and tailoring custom designed clothes is. Mom would have us stand for sizings months before events, for people far less busy, I get it. Next time.”

“But, yeah, if you give me his colors, I’ll match up with Kokichi, and I can shop at some places for the yocatas and the hinbis and set-watchyamacallits, try to find things that match… though, ugh, don’t remind me of the bathing suit. I put all my effort into his hair, I gave up on ‘Kichi’s clothes ages ago. I got him in one put together outfit once and I think that might have been a once in a lifetime event.” Kaito huffed, shrugging. “But it’s alright, his clothes are pretty cute. And I am loving his summer outfits… or, really, lack of outfits. If he wasn’t so shy of being seen in a sexy way, my Kokichi would walk around naked, I swear. It’s pretty great.” Kaito mused, eyes happily trailing away… before groaning, “Ugh. It’s his favorite holiday and I’m not prepared at all. And it’s his birthday! Guess who has nothing planned! This idiot! Ugh, I’m so busy chasing imaginary responsibilities that I’m ignoring my real ones!”

Looking at them desperately, Kaito said to Denji and Waku, “You’ve known him a long time. Kokichi says he wants nothing for his birthday but cinnamon rolls. Is there anything, like… deep, deep, deep down he’s been pining for? That you guys know about?”

Denji positively sneered in delight at Kaito’s compliments, while Waku held her head high, doing another little spin. If Kaito thought she looked good now, just wait until he saw her with the hairstyle she and Denji had decided on! She’d been serious about confession-baiting during Zenith, and she wasn’t gonna pull any punches. And Waku had promised to drum up business all she could, since…well. 

She’d promised not to tell anyone (another condition of their arrangement), but Denji was going to be busy enough during Zenith. 

Denji put a hand to their forehead, at first just from Kaito’s butchering of the garment names--though they’d since learned that it was just Kaito’s inability to remember names, rather than a sign of dismissal--but then at the truly impossible task of Kokichi’s wardrobe. “...you really have done wonders with his hair, I’ll hand that to you. I thought I was dreaming when he asked me to cut it, and I couldn’t find any rats nest tangles or frazzled bits. There’s only so many miracles I can ask of you, I suppose.”

And Kaito had worked more of them than just Kokichi’s hair. 

Going back to change back out of the robes, Waku and Denji shared a look. “Cinnamon rolls really are the things he most looks forward to,” Denji admitted.

“Mostly, he just doesn’t want to be alone,” Waku nodded at Kaito. “He used to hide from people a lot on his birthday, but he always got so happy when anyone made time to wish him a happy day or to give him a gift. He just feels special that people bother to remember at all…though he’s usually the one who makes the least deal out of it.”

“Oh, my paradoxical brother,” Denji shook their head. “Whatever you do, if you make time for him, he’ll be happy. Why don’t you cook something for him, Kaito? He’s always lighting up like a Unity tree whenever he talks about you in the kitchen. Just try to make things a little more special--he’ll see the effort and probably start crying like the sentimental baby he is.”

“Bummer it’s the day before Zenith,” Waku hummed. “Setting you guys up to go on a penguin tour would’ve made his year.”

Kaito blinked, “... right. The penguin walking thing… wait, why bummer?” Kaito asked, looking to Waku, “What’s wrong with that idea? Do Penguins not walk during Zenith??”

Waku shook her head. “Zenith is a national holiday--the aquarium’s going to be closed. And there’s probably not going to be any special tours or talks the day before so the keepers can get everything ready for a closed day. Most likely, there’s just going to be a few people going in to feed the animals, and maybe a vet on call.”

…a few people going in to feed the animals…

Kaito leaned back on the beanbag, back to staring at the ceiling. Hmm… couldn’t hurt to ask, right? It’d be basically volunteer work, certainly they wouldn’t begrudge an extra hand. Kokichi would lose his mind… he’d go tomorrow morning. Tell his husband he was out clothes shopping, grab an outfit on the way back… yeah, that could work…

“Waku, why do I ever wait to ask you for advice? Penguin feeding is such a fucking good idea that it feels almost stupid obvious.” Kaito huffed, running his hands over his face, “That’s so good. Denji, where’s your good idea?” Kaito asked, sitting up looking sternly at the stylist, “Oh, wait, you did have a good idea, I could make him something… but he’s already getting cinnamon rolls. What can I make that could compete!? Oh, I should ask Chako.” Kaito realized, eyes widening, “Duh. I’ll do that. I’ll make something the day before, and see if I can’t talk the penguin place into letting us help feed the penguins… you're both right, he’d love all of that…”

Kaito suddenly tilted his head, confused, “How in the actual fuck did you all get penguins here? Do penguins live here? Are there wild Dicean penguins? Shit we gotta take ‘Kichi to where the wild penguins are.”

Waku shrugged, straightening out her dress as she came back into the room to plop down on a beanbag herself. “I enjoy our talks. And sometimes you just need to spitball things for a while before ideas come to you, Kaito. You’re not the most organized thinker, though I’d argue it’s less from true disorganization, but more that you just have too many ideas to keep track of easily.”

“I’d still call that clutter,” Denji ‘harrumphed’, a little put out at being scolded, if only for a moment. “And I have plenty of wonderful ideas--it’s my brand. Understanding the emotional tangle of my brother requires it.”

Back on track, Denji finished packing up their supplies, but before they could leave, they shared another look with Waku, the both of them shrugging a little. 

“I’m not quite sure,” Waku admitted. “That seems like a question Kokichi would know, though.”

“Basically anything about Dicean history he’ll have an inkling of, the little nerd,” Denji nodded.

“I will ask ‘Kichi where the penguins are.” Kaito said, putting his hands together and resting his chin on them, looking entirely serious as he said, “And we will go see the penguins. Someday. Because Kokichi wanted to travel and see nice things and penguins are nice and very likely won’t try to kill us. They don’t have good beaks for murdering, and their little flipper hands can’t carry a knife at all. I’d guarantee it.”

Denji shook their head with a snort, heading to the door. “Good luck with that. I’ll get you those color swatches and store recommendations soon--I’ll see you around, Kaito. Enjoy your meltdown with Waku.”

Waku gave the stylist a wave before facing her friend again. “I think any animal can murder if they try hard enough. But if you don’t disturb them, I think penguins should be alright.”

“Kaaaaay. Thaaaaanks. Byyyyyyye.” Kaito called out to them, waving vaguely at the door until he heard it shut, flopping backwards again, “auuuuuuuugh.”

“See, Waku, in that, you are wrong.” Kaito added on after Waku had settled down too, idly kicking one leg into the air as he said, “See this leg? Any penguin tries to murder my ‘Kichi? This becomes a penguin-punting leg. Be just like ‘pow-pow-pow’ and vwooosh– penguins tiny squishy bodies fly into the sun. I’m pretty sure I could kick a penguin into the sun. The suns, what? 91 million or so miles away? Easy. If my aim is off the penguins will clear it entirely and end up on the other side of our solar system, hit our neighbors. Which, man… who knows what’s back there… I mean, we can make some educated hypotheticals, but technology is still nowhere where it needs to be to really let us know what’s what, ya know? Now, if we had some equipment that could measure temperature, or… some way to measure electromagnetic wavelengths at that distance? I mean, we have them for ships, obviously, we use them for our naval militias and trade ships, but the theory is that we could one day amplify them and use those same principals to map out star systems to a more realistic model, since Luminosity is really just kinda our best bet at the moment and there’s some obvious flaws in the concept– ah! What am I talking about!? Focus, Kaito!”

“...We don’t have to talk about me.” Kaito said, suddenly feeling guilty, “Sorry, you were trying out your new outfit for the holidays, I didn’t wanna come here and trash your good day. Is it a good day? How’s your day going, Waku?”

Waku smiled a bit, amused by the very characteristic unhinged train of thought her friend had. “I think Kokichi would have a thing or two to say about you kicking penguins. Even to save yourselves from snapping beaks. He’s sensitive like that.”

Though, interplanetary life may appreciate penguins too. They were quite cute little creatures. Waku had always wondered how aliens might communicate; with no clue or limit as to what their sensory capabilities may be--and without even dipping a toe into the utterly limitless world of social customs--it could really be anything. It would be a total crapshoot if they communicated with sound at all. 

Refocusing on Kaito as he told himself to focus, Waku gave him a softer look. “Us talking even about difficult things never trashes my day, Kaito. It’s nice being able to confide in someone. But…my day’s been good, thanks for asking. Denji and I just finished up my final fitting, and I was on towel and laundry duty for most of today--it’s a little mindless, but I get to chat with people so I don’t mind it. I got to tease Hajime about what sort of date he’s setting up for Chiaki for Zenith,” she grinned.

“I’ll tell him they survived to live on as murderous space penguins. What’s he gonna do? Check?” Kaito huffed. His husband was a lot of things, but a space pirate was not one of them–oh, space pirate Kokichi. Okay, yeah, that one was entering the rotation, absolutely. “Aw, is Hajme and Chiaki doing good? I never see the guy around anymore. There’s always a part of me that wants to reconnect with him, but I think I’ve told you before, the history got…” Kaito waved his hand vaguely around, “Complicated. There’s weird forms of personal intimacy that makes a person valued and trusted but, like… is poison for friendship. Ya know what I mean? Like it creates this sort of intensity between the two that makes it difficult to relax and just be happy and get to enjoy a person company, because that big, terrible, intimate thing is always there.”

“...anyway, I’m glad that’s not our situation. If I ever seem worried about putting too much onto you, it’s cause I’m afraid of breeching that line. Where it becomes impossible for us to just, like… relax and hang out. I like that for us, ya know, you’re a really cool person to be around and I don’t want a friendship with me to be this big, taxing burden on you… oh!” Kaito sat up, giving Waku an earnest look, “I met this guy? He might be a genius, he’s fun, he’s kinda a weirdo?? I think you’d like him, do you think you’d be up to meeting him with me at a pub sometime? Not, like, me setting you up on a date or anything like that. Just as a dude you and I could sit at a pub and hang out with, like, see if that could end up being fun? Totally fine if you’re not up to it, I’m mostly fishing around and seeing if I can’t collect pub friends, ya know? But you and I are ‘out of pub’ friends too, so either way works.”

Kaito shifted anxiously, feeling like he was talking too much. 

Waku thought for a moment, tilting her head. “He’s happy enough, I get the impression. He and Chiaki have been a good pair for a long time, and Hajime seems comfortable in his lead position. He’s fallen back into the sort of…softly self-deprecating rut he was in before you guys moved here, though. He thinks he’s average to a painful extent, and every now and then it bothers him, but for the most part he’s leading a happy life.”

She could hear the longing for excitement and importance on him sometimes, but he wasn’t going to do anything about it. Perhaps he felt like he’d gotten a monkey’s paw situation with Prince Kokichi’s kidnapping and Shuuichi’s drug issues. 

“I get that, though,” Waku nodded, “Though it’s surprising that you don’t feel that way about us. I did yell at you through a door while you were being drugged. Feelings don’t have to follow any rules, though. It’s what makes them interesting.”

Raising an eyebrow, Waku smirked softly, turning to root in her small personal cooler for this week’s special drinks--some fizzy orange soda she’d been intrigued enough to try--and wordlessly offered one to Kaito. “A guy that you’re calling a weirdo? I’m in. I don’t work evenings, and I haven’t set up any plans past Zenith--lemme know when you have the evening off and we can set something up.”

Kaito laughed, “I know that sounds similar, but from my perspective, you and Hajime are night and day situations. Hajime’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong, he’s helped me and my family more than we ever had the right to ask, but… well, that’s it, really. We asked. Hell, Hajime and I’s relationship basically started with me, like, dragging him around and harassing him for favors. Which is fine when the favors are small, but… it escalated to a really intense place in a really short amount of time. I just feel like a burden on the guy, honestly.” 

Though, Waku tended to have a really good bead on people and how they were feeling, and Hajime was feeling… average? What?? Why, the guy was a damn champion when a bunch of people had really needed him (barring one incident that Kaito had made a conscious effort to not explicitly hold against him, even if occasionally he did still wanna punch him in the face for it). Hmm… maybe Kaito should reach out after all, he owed Hajime a lot…

“But, you? I mean, I’ve told you, but hell, it’s always good to say a praise again: you offering to help me with my shrine? And reaching out to me? Was the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in a long time. It was just kind, ya know? And you and I had been struggling so much before that… with Hajme and Seiko and, fuck, everyone really, every good thing I ever saw them do was just… layered by so much other shit going on that I either couldn’t appeciate it in the moment or it felt like a survival thing or it ended up not really… conveying what I know now they were trying to say. What you did? Was just genuinely thoughtful. And I’ll say that again any and every time it comes up, because it meant a whole hell of a lot to me.”

And Kaito grinned at the silent offer of soda, taking it from her and remembering fondly sitting and trying to drink down truly terrible beer. He hoped anyone Waku was friends with recognized what a fucking treasure she was. She was a rare form of kind that had nothing to do with politeness or friendliness or earnestness: she was thoughtful. Idly, constantly thoughtful. He supposed being able to ‘Read People's Hearts’ could do that to a person. But yeah… she was a catch. Anyone who had her in their lives was fucking lucky to get her, anxieties and panic attacks and all.

“Hey, I resent that obvious implication.” Kaito grinned, before cracking open his soda and sipping at it, “But I also resemble it, so, fair. But, good! Okay, I’m excited, I’ll set something up. He’s a riot, he ate spicy chicken with freaking spiced rum or something entirely on a ‘bet ya won’t’ and threw up in an alley. So, of course when it was my turn, I took my own ‘bad food choice bet’ like a damn hero.” Kaito laughed, sipping again before admitting, “I ate some spicy wings myself and basically cried. Those things are terrible, they have no right to smell that enticing.”

That was fair too. Waku knew enough that having to be asked wasn’t an indictment against friendliness, but there was a line. A few actually, set in spaces like, ‘never being the one to put in effort’ or ‘asking really difficult things all the time’. Hajime didn’t seem to resent Kaito any, whenever he came up in the housekeepers’ gossip, but…well, they could work out what they wanted from each other. There was nothing dire. 

As Kaito praised her, Waku glowed a little, hearing the absolute sincerity in his voice and…well, it was nice! It was nice to have done something to help someone out, and for them to appreciate you. In some sense, it just seemed like the right thing to do, but…well, she had been the one to do it. And that was something good. 

Grinning unashamedly as he caught her implication--it was more of a blunt statement cleverly wrapped--Waku laughed a bit at the tale of Kaito’s new potential pub buddy. “Oh yeah, wings can be really hit or miss, even if you’re not really spice sensitive. And he had it with a spiced drink? Sounds like an interesting guy. If we stick to bar food, though, there’ll still be stuff you can tolerate, Kaito.”

After a moment, she tilted his head at him. “Is it true Isabella makes sure to make a batch of curry without any peppers for you guys when we have curry nights?”

Kaito flushed, looking a little guilty at that. “Yeah. I mean, Shuichi kinda doesn’t need it anymore, he’d happily sob through eating the damn things while he was pregnant and I think that’s, like, kinda gotten him used to it? He still picks lighter curries, but he doesn’t seem to care either way which one he gets now. And, ya know, Timothy’s never so much as said a word about them? I guess he’s more used to just eating what’s put in front of him, little trooper. But Maki and I? It gets us.” Kaito shuddered, “I’ll see people just straight up bite into peppers in their curry, and I feel a little nauseous watching them. Seems like landmines to me.”

“It’s nice of Isabella to always think to do it, though I gotta imagine Kokichi asked on our behalf. I wish I liked her more, but,” Kaito rolled his eyes, “What else is new. I’m a brat. A twenty-four year old, incredibly ruggedly handsome, extremely brave and heroic brat. Ugh. Uuuuuugh…”

Kaito groaned, rubbing his palms into his eyes as he grit his teeth… before sighing, dropping his hands and giving Waku a dry look, “I really fucked up today, Waku. Like, several times. Today has not been my, uh, proudest day.”

“People have different tolerances,” Waku shrugged, though…she had to admit it was a little funny that out of the immigrants, it was Kaito and Maki that struggled most with the standard preference for spices in Dicea. “Kokichi’s never really liked super spicy stuff, so I could see him enjoying having a backpocket excuse to get something mild.”

Kaito going down spirals of self-hatred was nothing new, but Waku still gave him a curious look before she nodded. “What happened? You aren’t exiling yourself from your room again, are you? I’ll go upstairs myself to defend your right to your bed if I gotta.”

“Ha!” Kaito gave Waku an amused, appreciative look, “No. I’m not. That’s one of the reasons I’m here and not in my shrine or something. I don’t want to do one of my, like, big, stupid gestures because that would super not be fair to Kokichi. He came to me with something that was bothering him, something I was proud of, and that… I can’t fucking, like…” 

Kaito waved over his whole body, gesturing to himself, as he said, “do this. To him. He needs to not be worried about me spiraling into a bunch of bullshit when he needs to tell me I’m doing something fucked up. I don’t want to make him feel bad for making me feel bad! I just suck at, like…ugh. Ya know?” Kaito said, knowing she probably didn’t and, deciding to explain himself, sitting up again and giving Waku an irritated (clearly at himself) look, “I used to be really good at pretending I was okay when I wasn’t. It’s easy! You just grin and say ‘I’m okay!’ And, when you really want to sell it? It works! One hundred percent of the time. I used to be an expert at it.”

“But these days? … Honestly, I think the issue is that deep down, I don’t want people to think I’m okay.” Kaito admitted, looking tired at that, “There’s a real part of me, every time, that’s openly admitting I’m not okay, even when, like, at a conscious level, I don’t wanna say that. And I wish I could say it was just me trying to communicate, but more often then not, it feels like this… selfish impulse. Of wanting people to ask me if I’m okay, and then, like, acting like I didn’t want people to ask. It’s so shitty, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, it doesn’t lead to anything but a bunch of hurt feelings everywhere and auuuuugh.”

Kaito rubbed his face again, “... but like, at least I’m recognizing it? Ya know? At least there’s that. I just… I keep making these really selfish decisions to just boost my own damn ego. I’m THAT guy, Waku! The dude whose like ‘ooooh, look at me, I’m special’, blah blah, blegh.” Kaito said, mimicking vomit as he gagged, “I’m a creep.”

Ah…yeah, that was difficult. It was important to be able to talk to someone if they did something wrong, or that you were uncomfortable with, but the person you were talking to not being able to take that did make it difficult to keep on topic. However…

“...you’ve said before that Kokichi kept treating you with kid gloves because he didn’t want to upset you, right?” Waku mused. “If he could still tell you were upset before, I don’t think trying to hide it now will change anything. There are times and places for certain conversations, sure, but…if you’re upset, you’re upset. Slapping a bandage with a smiley face on it won’t make anything better.”

Tilting her head, Waku raised an eyebrow at Kaito. “How is poorly pretending you’re okay an ego boost? It doesn’t seem selfish to me--it just looks like you’re scared.”

Kaito blinked at that. “Scared? Me?”

“You,” Waku nodded, taking a sip of her soda. “You’re scared of a lot of things, dude. Most people are, and you have more tangible reasons than most people. I can’t tell you if you’re actually scared in this case, ‘cause I haven’t seen it, but if you’re getting all stressed out and guilty over not feeling okay and feeling like you can’t hide it, and that all that means you’re selfish?”

“To me, that sounds like you’re scared of people seeing and knowing you’re not okay. Because you want to be okay, and be like…dependable and unreachable and all that, and being not okay makes you vulnerable and, if you wanna ‘fix’ it, that you have to accept help.”

“Who told you that? I’m scared of nothing. I am fearless.” Kaito muttered, though the joke was more just impulse than anything. 

…kind of a joke, anyway.

Kaito sipped at his soda a bit, thinking about that. Waku was always (or, well, usually) pretty nice about that, when he took a second in silence. He was a ramble by nature and a nervous talker and Miss Crystal had talked to him about trying to take ‘mini meditations’ when real meditation sessions had failed for him because Kaito had always ended up rambling to Atua after about five minutes of sitting cross-legged in silence. Silence didn’t come natural to him, but the idea was just… little pockets of silence to try to reflect, or at least get his thoughts or words in order. 

It didn’t come natural to him, but he practiced it with Waku more than anyone else, and when he had (in a nervous ramble) explained to her what he was trying to do, Waku had never hurried him. Just another little thing he appreciated about her.

“...” Kaito sighed, scratching his goatee, “...damn it. Is that right? Am I just fucking scared to admit that I’m admitting I’m not okay?”

Straight up playing with his goatee for a while, Kaito suddenly said, gravely staring at the wall, “Ya know, it wasn’t all hot air. Before. In the beginning. Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars, Hero of the Fifteen Year War… I was brave. I was proud of that. I had… nothing else, really, to offer anyone. But I was brave. I could do the scary thing. I was ready. I was strong. I was told ‘you’re going to the evil, self-destructive, vicious country of Dicea, and you’re going to live with their mad king, and you’re going to do that forever, and you’re going to do it alone.”

“And I didn’t hesitate. The thought of trying to get out of it never crossed my mind. My brother had a stronger reaction to it than I did.” Kaito recalled, the lines under his eyes deepening, “He was furious. Said my father was a coward to send them a ready-made hostage. Said that the treaty was too flimsy, that it’d fall apart in a decade and I’d end up in some hole of a dungeon somewhere, and that was if I didn’t end up beheaded. Fuck he was pissed… mom said I’d be alright. Dad said his son didn’t fear the enemy. They both said this would end the war. And I didn’t. Fear the enemy, I mean. I was fine and ready to go. I was brave.”

“... and I had never been so fucking relieved in my life when Maki and Shuichi agreed to come with me.” Kaito whispered, “I made it sound like it’d be all of us going on an adventure, that they’d have fun, but the truth was I was scared out of my fucking mind at the idea of going. I stopped sleeping, I lost all interest in my hobbies, I got really, like… self-destructive with my friendships, basically went through all of them like ‘whelp, expect to never hear from me again, this is it’. I made no plans for after getting to Dicea. As far as I was concerned, I was fucking dead as soon as I got here. Maki and Shuich coming with me was my only hope that anything was going to be okay. Or, at least… if not okay, then at least they’d be there through the worst of it, ya know? That I wouldn’t be alone.”

“But I couldn’t say that to them.” Kaito recalled softly, “I never once said it. That I was scared to go alone, that I thought it was going to end terribly, that I thought I was going to die or end up just… totally destroyed. I asked my best friends to come with me over enemy lines to people who I only knew through a life of bloodshed and vengeance, and never once told them it was because I was scared… how fucked up is that?”

Waku gave her friend a dry look, but settled in to let him sort his thoughts. She thought the meditation thing was working for him, a lot less ‘I don’t knows’ and more rambly but considerate explanations. That wasn’t always what the flow of casual conversation wanted, but…fuck that. It was a lot better for their brains. Even if it came off stilted or uncomfortably sincere or awkwardly blunt, saying what you meant made things far more simple, in Waku’s experience. 

It was an incredibly brave and tragic thing that Kaito had done, coming to Dicea. Even more if he had been to do it alone. But…it was a weird kind of bravery, marching to your death. It was something Waku had come to recontextualize as resignation. Walking to your death because…you couldn’t handle the alternative. 

…disappointing a parent. Which…from what she could figure, was…in some cases, literally worse than death. 

But Kaito would have his own journey and discovery with that. 

“...why is it fucked up?” Waku said after a moment, when it seemed like Kaito had gotten out what he wanted. “Sure, it’s not being honest, but…they were scared for you too. Did they ever tell you that?”

“Um…” Kaito thought about it, “Sort of. In their own ways. Maki and Shuichi express fear by, like, getting hyper-prepared for things. Which, boy, going to Dicea frustrated the shit out of them, cause there was so much they couldn’t prepare for cause they just had no way to get the info.” Kaito grinned a little at that, “Not that they didn’t try. At one point, no joke, Maki suggested she go on ahead, scout the place, and then come back… as in, like, scout the country. She even proposed it to the family. Tengan shot it down immediately, saying we needed our assassin for the journey, and then Maki tried to argue she’d be back before they ever left and… heh. She really tried. But in the end she had missions they still wanted her to go on, and she couldn’t refuse, obviously. So we all went in blind. She was furious about that for weeks.”

“But, yeah. They both did everything they could to prepare, they tried to drill into my head every safety precaution and worst case scenario they could think of, they made me run all these drills to prepare for, just, whatever… and ya know, the closer we got here? There was this brief time they got really sweet. Like, uncharacteristically sweet. They were really gentle and supportive, telling me I was amazing and how I could do it and just… I think by that point, they were terrified. Just trying to make the few weeks before the marriage as nice as possible. So, yeah. They were scared for me. But they never said that, like, word for word or anything. Just a lot in their actions.”

“...alright, okay, maybe it could be argued that my actions also told them I was scared.” Kaito said, realizing that as he was saying it aloud, rolling his eyes at himself, “There, if that was the point I was meant to get to? Bravo, Waku, I made it. You win, uh, I dunno, I’ll buy the first round next time we go drinking.”

Oh yeah, that sounded like them. Maki and Shuuichi were preppers to the extreme. Yuliya had grumbled to the entire castle for weeks about how the two of them tried to sneak off with archive documents, and while it wasn’t hard to annoy the particular woman, it was monumental for something to annoy her enough to come out of the archive and complain to other people. If the two of them had been starved for information, Waku really believed Aiichi had worked a miracle calming Yuliya down from whatever mess they left. 

Though…it was really bittersweet about how nice they got on the last leg of the journal. It was obvious even to people who weren’t paying attention how much Maki and Shuuichi loved Kaito, but…that was a really sweet and blatant exclamation of it. 

People of action usually were, and Kaito caught onto Waku’s point without her even opening her mouth. 

Chuckling, she gave the prince a wink. “I won’t say no to that. But you’re right--saying it outright makes things clear, and that tends to make communication easier, but it’s not like you’ve been a brick wall forever. They may not notice every time, but your family knows when you’re not alright, because you show it in your actions. Having feelings, even ones that pull away from other issues, isn’t selfish, Kaito. You can’t just stop having emotions when it’s inconvenient, and no one should expect you to.”

Waku narrowed her eyes. “...actually, anyone who expects you to is someone to be wary of.”

“But I know your therapist says enough that the issues aren’t having emotions, it’s in controlling your actions and responses to them--’cause mine says it all the time,” Waku rolled her eyes. “So…you feel shitty about stuff you did today? And Kokichi confronted you about it? And you’re not butthurt about being confronted, but you still feel bad. Is that all right?”

“It’s okay to be angry, Kaito.” Kaito mimicked, doing an eerily correct imitation of Miss Crystal as he continued, “The goal isn’t to not be angry, Kaito~ Sweetums, darling, my boy, oh-hohoohoho uuugh. Yep. Know that line very well. Drives me crazy.”

“Annnnnd yep. Well, no, also I realized that I’m clinging onto fake problems because I  feel useless and, like… ‘unspecial’. Damn, maybe I should take Hajime out for a drink? Maybe we can commiserate on that. But honestly by this point that almost feels like a secondary issue to what we’re talking about. Like, everything you said? Sums it up, yeah.”

Waku snickered a bit at Kaito’s impression, hiding her grin poorly behind her bottle. She’d never met Kaito’s therapist, but the affectation was too practiced not to be true to form. And therapists were predictably frustrating when it came to emotional management. 

Though, when her laughs calmed down, she took another swig of soda and considered his assessment. “Well… Did you apologize? And you’re not gonna do it again? And…do you think Kokichi got to say everything he wanted to?”

Kaito paused, thinking about it, brow furrowed, “...yes, yes, no. That last part could be me projecting though. I always wish Kokichi would say more, I know he holds back a lot for me. Him telling me he was upset with something at all is, like, a recent thing he’s practicing. He said this one thing, once? During one of our therapy appointments, when I was getting all pissed off and everything was allllll about me, hurray, finally got what you wanted, Kaito, hoooope it was worth it,” Kaito grumbled to himself, before realizing he had lost track of his thought, “Uh, anyway, I was trying to tell him I didn’t think he was letting himself, like, vent to us but I was saying it in a bunch of stupid and insecure and angry ways, totally unehelpful, and he said something like how he used his emotions ‘like a weapon’ against us. Something like that… my memories really garbage. But I clearly remember how shocked I was, that he was thinking about it like that.”

“So now I think that Kokichi’s never going to let himself lose it on me cause, like, that was such a big problem for us, when we first got together? I mean, you know how he was.” Kaito shrugged, looking a little tired, “But now I think he’s, like… I’m worried he’s hypercorrecting? But I don’t actually know? Maybe he’s not and I’m just not giving him enough credit! Not everyone has a thousand things to say about everything, maybe he just runs out of things to say!”

Kaito peered at Waku, “Spill, Waku. You can feel hearts and stuff. ‘Kichi, like… does his heart feel… fuck, I dunno, reserved or something??”

A tough session, then. Never the kind of attention anyone wanted, but…it usually led to better things on the other side. 

For a moment, Waku was quiet, trying to think about all the times she’d seen Kokichi recently. None of it had been in particularly stressful situations, but… “He’s actually felt more open than he has in a really long time. That’s why he was that kind of really fascinating scary, right? Ko is really, really good at hiding his emotions--enough that trying to listen to him without him actively trying to communicate, at least before, was like trying to listen to someone whispering in the middle of a seastorm. But these days…he’s super expressive.”

Holding up a finger, Waku pointed it at Kaito with wide eyes. “And that’s one thing I have to say about you feeling unspecial, ‘cause, like…how? Your husband looks at you like you’re the person that lights up the sun every morning with your smile--it’s cute, because I know you two, but it’d be nauseating if I didn’t.”

“But…for how he is? I’m sure there’s plenty he’s still keeping to himself. But the amount he’s sharing now is him practically baring his soul compared to how he used to be.” Waku nodded with confidence. “If there’s stuff he’s not telling you, then that’s just him still working on himself to be more open. In a way that isn’t super manipulative, anyway--if I could compare it to myself, then it does take effort and time to learn how to tell people you’re feeling worried or unsafe without muttering about how you want to steal a knife from the kitchen to catch “them” before “they” catch you.”

“Pff. Imagine being ballsy enough to go after Waku Harai. Such a bad idea, not only is she a powerhouse, but she is surrounded by protectors. Ridiculous.” Kaito huffed, before giving her a soft look, “I know I keep saying it, but you know you can always come to sit with me if you feel like you’re being watched again… no one’s there, but even if someone was, I’d rearrange their nose before passing them off to Katsuki. It’d be fun, a good workout. It’s never a bother if you need time to ground yourself by hanging with us, I won’t ask you to change diapers or anything.”

Waku laughed softly, but there was something genuinely touched and fond by the sentiment. The very real action and promise behind it. 

“Thanks,” she smiled, letting her own gratitude linger. “That means a lot, Kaito.”

“...and not to get on a soapbox, but…you see how it’s the same thing, right?” She offered a hand out, gesturing towards Kaito. “No one is watching me, that’s a fake problem my brain came up with, but…knowing it’s fake doesn’t make me able to cope with the feelings. So…having a solution to a fake problem, like being able to spend time with friends I know would protect me against anything, is the actual thing that makes those feelings go away.”

Smiling slightly, Waku shrugged. “For some things, that’s just what coping is--not solving the problem, because there’s not actually a problem there, but finding solutions to that fake thing to let yourself feel safe enough to let it go. There’s a line there where compulsions start, but…there are usually alternatives to find. Both you and Kokichi--and Shuuichi and Maki too--are trying to cope, trying to deal with a lot of shit. None of you guys are really there yet. So when you’re struggling…I dunno, would it help to remember that they are too? That I am too?”

“... it does make me feel a little less pathetic, yeah.” Kaito admitted, giving Waku a sheepish look, “I still don’t like that this is, like, a thing for me, but… well, we’re all dealing with it, yeah. And, what you said earlier? About not knowing how I could possibly feel unspecial? I know… I mean, I’m loved. That’s endlessly true, even when things are harsh, I know I’m loved. That’s… I count on that.”

“But…” Kaito shrugged, looking significantly calmer, happy even, but still a little eye-rolly as he snorted, “All my friends are amazing. All my family are world shakers. Kokichi’s a world leader in training, Maki’s essentially a freedom fighter that was a key person in toppling an entire line of succession and strong-armed national policy change, and Shuichi is one day gonna show all of Dicea why he was considered one of the best detectives in all of Luminary. And almost every other person I see on a day to day basis is hypercompetent at something or other. All I ever was was rich, influential, and sexy, and I’m not the first two anymore, and I can’t use that third skill anymore either.”

“That’s… humbling.” Kaito shrugged, “I need to find new things I’m good at. I’m good at the kids! But that’s, what… twenty more years at most? Probably less? Of that skill being useful? And once the kids are grown… ugh. I know I’m psyching myself out over nothing, but it really does feel like my window of being ‘successful’ at anything is really, really small. And once the kids are grown, that’s it. That was my chance to matter.”

…Kaito frowned, “Ugh, I can hear myself. If anyone else was saying this to me, I’d be rolling my eyes so hard right now. It’s so obviously not true, but uuuuuugh. Ya know?”

Waku nodded, her expression softening a bit. Not every person needed to be world-shaking--only a handful of people ever were. But…it was a hard perspective not to feel when you were royalty and surrounded by those few folks, she supposed. It didn’t make the things Kaito did any less special, but it did make him feel less impressive about ‘em. 

Giving him a slightly dry look as he called himself out, Waku paused before deciding to touch on one more thing before diving into that. “I know. But also…you think your son and daughter are just never gonna need their dad again when they hit the magical age of twenty, where you suddenly have everything figured out?”

Waku shook her head a little, fully aware she wasn’t the best person to point that out, but…well, she wasn’t exactly adjusted herself. “Unless you somehow become a rampaging asshole, which you won’t, because your superpower is in love, and you love your kids more than anything, Timothy and Miyako will always be your kids, and you’ll always be their dad. They’ll probably be more independent, might even choose to move away from Usott, but…you’ll always be their dad. If you’re a good parent, parenthood isn’t something with an expiry date--it’s forever.”

“So, first of all, you don’t need to worry about a window of opportunity,” she pointed out with another dry look. “And second…you know already. You just have the worst point of comparison of all time. Most people get the luxury of not even occurring to think to compare themselves to world leaders. For most, Kokichi’s barely even a real person, more like a concept with a name that they may or may not remember.”

“Oh, I know. But, well…” Kaito shrugged, “If I do my job right, they won’t have to need me. I want my kids to be able to go out and do anything they want to do. Obviously I’ll always be here for them, but ideally to them the most they’ll ever need to rely on me again is when they need help with their own kids… oh! I guess I’ll get two chances!” 

Kaito laughed at himself, again, looking considerably more relaxed. Clearly Waku’s help and advice setting him notably at ease as he nodded, “And, yeaaah. Kokichi’s hard to compare yourself too. The only thing me and Hideki ever fucking agreed on. They all are. I’m very lucky I get to be surrounded by such incredible people. But man, it’s hard not to feel a little competitive and envious. But, like… I just gotta get over that. If I’m feeling bad about something, especially about not ‘measuring up, then I should be, like… looking to improve myself! I mean, I can’t do what they do, but I’m capable of doing… stuff! Lots of stuff! Stuff that… I can do!”

“Juuuuust gotta figure out what that stuff is.” Kaito said, narrowing his eyes… before smiling at Waku, “Hey, thanks for this. This all feels, like… way less serious now. I appreciate you.”

He was feeling good enough about it to joke, not upset but…well, it wasn’t about having to need. Waku didn’t know it personally. Her mother had never deserved the title. But among all the other weirdos in the castle, there were a fair number of normies too, and anyone that had a good relationship with their parents? Even in their thirties, forties, fifties if they were lucky and their parents were still around, they’d still talk with their parents all the time, go to visit them, and not just to take care of them. Ideally, the relationship between parent and child was a life-long one. 

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” Waku sighed, nodding along with Kaito. “If your goal is to change the world, I guess there’s always a chance of that, but for, like 99% of people, it’s not going to happen. Honestly…lower your standards, dude. Aim to make a difference in your life, which you constantly do all the time,” she gave him an amused look, “And you’ll be special and significant. Plus, like…your family wouldn’t be able to do two-thirds of what they do without people like us. I’d love to see Kokichi try to do your guys’ laundry.”

Smiling back, Waku offered her bottle to clink against Kaito’s. “Any time, Kaito. I mean it.”

Kaito nodded, eyes wide as he said, “I’ve seen the laundry rooms, when I was looking to grab sheets for myself? Oh, and I think I was trying to steal leggings at one point. That stuff looks complicated, I was feeling so confident about being able to do common chores, with the dishes and the cooking, but laundry is a whole thing, it’s insane. Ya know what I would do if I had access to my old money now? Fucking invest in people making machines that do the twisting thng you all do to clothes?? That shit looks ridiculous, if we can talk to people over wires, there has got to be better ways to do the clothes twisty thing.”

Waku rolled her eyes a little. “Don’t steal other people’s clothes. And there’s probably some techy solution, but…I don’t really mind. It’s a nice routine. Even more when none of the tight-asses are on laundry duty and you can play basketball sorting out the lights and darks and delicates. Now ironing is the stressful part--it’s a nightmare if you burn something. Accidents happen, and people are usually understanding, but it’s still someone’s clothes you just trashed. Sucks.”

Kaito’s eyes widened dramatically, “You can burn clothes? How?? At what point does fire enter the equation??”

“...have you ever ironed your clothes, Kaito?” Waku tilted her head, not asking in a judging way since…well. He probably hadn’t. “Even if you have one of those fancy electric irons, and not one that uses embers, it’s still heat. Apply it too long in an area or don’t use steam when you need to and oop! There’s a big ol’ dark spot on that perfectly nice button down. Or a hole in the middle of a skirt. Thankfully I’ve never heard of anyone setting anything actually on fire since I’ve lived here, but I imagine it still happens occasionally across every ironing session in the world.”

Kaito nodded mutely, brow still furrowed, “...right, okay, but… whhhyyyyy? I mean, I’ve heard of ironing clothes, I sorta always imagined it meant, like… adding iron?? To the wash or something? Like little sprinkles of iron to the soap to better clean with. Why fire??”

“Nah,” Waku said simply, shaking her head. “I could show you in person, so you’ll see for yourself, but ironing happens after the clothes are washed and dried. The iron is this…” She pantomimed the approximate size and shape of an iron, “...I don’t know what to call it. An object. That applies heat and even pressure to smooth wrinkles out of clothes. And for pleats and style lines ‘n stuff, it helps preserve those and keep the fabric folds sharp.”

“A traditional iron has an interior basket you fill with some kind of slow-burning materials--we use fire-starter pucks, but I’ve heard of people using coals--but there are electric ones now that…I dunno. Do tech stuff to heat up the bottom plate when it’s turned on.” Shrugging, she explained, “Ironing is how you keep your clothes looking nicer for longer. If you didn’t, there wouldn’t be much difference between putting on a shirt or draping a sheet over yourself.”

Kaito looked dazzled as he said, “Really? Wow… wait, so that’s why some people's clothes are wrinkled? I always sorta assumed it was a difference in fabric, like… cause, ya know, poorer people usually had wrinkled clothes… though, okay, this makes a lot more sense.” Kaito realized, nodding slowly, old memories recontextualized, “The servants didn’t just wash the clothes and let them dry and then deliver them, there was another step… fascinating… can I try it sometime?”

“Some fabric wrinkles more than others, but generally, yeah. It’s all in the ironing.” Waku sat forward a little, her eyes twinkling with a smug sort of pride. “There’s a lot that goes into housekeeping, yanno. Even just with laundry…there’s a lot we learn to make sure dyes don’t bleed and certain fabrics don’t rip and fray, not to mention all the different kinds of soaps to make sure that clothes are actually clean and smell nice and feel comfortable, and certain ways of drying different kinds of clothes so they don’t grow mildew… Never underestimate supporting roles, Kaito.”

Laughing a bit, Waku shrugged with a nod. “How about we have you practice with some scrap cloth, though--it’s how I learned too. I promise it’s not that hard, but it does take a few tries to get the hang of it.”

“Deal,” Kaito grinned, before groaning, rubbing his back muscles as he started to shift out of the bean bag, “Annnnd, my backs starting to twinge, so that’s my cue to get up and crawl back to my family. Thanks again, Waku. I feel loads better, I really needed to talk it out, and your feedback, as always, made it all a lot more simple. Especially this penguin idea! Fuck, I’d love if I could make that work, I’m gonna talk to them about it tomorrow. Can you imagine ‘Kichi feeding penguins? How fucking cute is that? I’m gonna get Miyako a penguin onesie.”

-

Kaito knocked on the door lightly, before opening it up, saying softly, “I’m baaaack. Anyone sleeping?”

Shuichi looked up from the book he was reading, laid out next to Kokichi, “Miyako’s out like a light, but we’re still up Kaito. Done with your walk?”

“Yeah, went to see Waku.” Kaito said, closing the door behind himself and giving them a sheepish grin, “Uh… sorry I ran off like that.”

Kokichi was very comfortably cuddled up next to Shuuichi, reading his own book--their actual issues weren’t like theirs, but Kokichi couldn’t help but sympathize with Wampus and Triffany’s marital struggles--and just…chilling out. Normally he’d be headed for bed soon, but after his nap earlier, even with the physical exertion that had made him need it, he was still pretty awake. He’d still try sleeping at a decent time, just to try and preserve his sleep schedule, but for now he could enjoy the nightlife. 

Setting his book aside as Kaito came in, Kokichi smiled softly. “Welcome back. And no worries--if you need to step out, then we’re…I’m happy to cover you if we can. How was Waku-chan?”

“She’s all dressed up and ready for Zenith. Denji was in the middle of finishing up her ya…” Kaito’s eyebrows pinched in confusion, sitting at the end of the bed as he kicked his shoes off, “...yakota? Robe thing? It looks really nice! Also, babe, I get the impression you’re supposed to sit down for a fitting yourself, which, considering the workload Denji’s got? Maybe you should get ahead of that, do them a favor.”

“...Um, about earlier… I’m sorry I reacted like that.” Kaito sighed, running his hand through his hair, “I know we don’t really need the savings accounts, and if we did, then of course you both contributing to it would make things easier and better. I was just feeling insecure, there was nothing wrong with your suggestions. I’m sorry.”

Kokichi sighed wearily. “Yeah…yeah. I’ve gone in for like…three fittings already. You guys somehow made Denji-chan even more insufferable with that challenge of making my yukata something I can run around in too… I’m literally never going to be able to put that thing on myself.”

There were so many…straps and pieces that looked like they were separate but were really connected, and little failsafes of fabric to make sure he wouldn’t be flashing anyone no matter how he moved… Given, it would be a lot of fun if he was able to participate in the water fight this year--and Denji had made sure his robe was, if not waterproof, then a fabric that would be alright being soaked--but…honestly. It was a boggling puzzle box of an ensemble. 

Looking a little surprised for a moment, Kokichi’s expression softened as Kaito apologized and he crawled over across the bed to snuggle up to him. “...I’m sorry for getting aggressive about it too. If you’re worried about something, I should hear you out.” Sitting up on his knees, Kokichi kissed Kaito’s temple. “I accept your apology. And we can sit down later and look at our finances. If nothing else, it’ll let me shake some of the rust off for budgeting.”

Kaito smiled fondly at the kiss, giving Kokichi an adoring look… before sighing, ‘And… look, I know I don’t always react well to bad news. But the last thing I ever want is for you guys to be afraid to tell me things. I know I don’t make it easy, but that’s… well, I don’t really have a good excuse. I just don’t want me not being able to control my reactions to things to dissuade you, it’s never bad enough that my feelings are more important than you telling me what you need or want to, okay?”

“That said… ‘Kichi? You don’t have to, but… if there was anything you couldn’t tell me before? Because me acting like an idiot made you feel like you had to wrap it up quickly? I’m, uh… well, I want to hear about it, beautiful.” Kaito shrugged, “So if there was anything? It’s okay, you can tell me.”

Kokichi winced minutely. He really had been trying to be better about that.

Still… Kokichi sighed softly, resting his head on Kaito’s arm. “...I think I kinda covered it. What we did was too much for me, and I didn’t like that you decided to keep going without checking in with me. So…we’ll just both be better next time, right?” 

Kokichi looked up, slightly frowning, but…honestly not all that upset. He knew Kaito hadn’t wanted to hurt him, and…well, yeah, he had let his own lust take the wheel a bit, but he had thought Kokichi was enjoying it. And he had. Just…not all the way. 

“I’ll do better about speaking up when I’m not sure of things. And you’ll do better about checking in with me. Yeah?”

Kaito nodded, something sad in his eyes as he said, “Yeah. I should have known better already, it was… new and I really just pushed through when I should have checked on you to see if you were comfortable. And, while it’s never your fault, I’m an adult who can control himself…”

Kaito blew out a gush of breath, ending in a low, quiet whisper, “That fucking ‘nyaa’? Man, I went into a frenzy… wow.”

At this, Shuichi looked up from his book, raising an eyebrow, “The what?”

Kokichi lit up red and pulled the collar of Kaito’s shirt over his face, making a strained sound. “Don’t ask. We’re trying something out.”

Whining, Kokichi flopped over and wormed his way back up the bed, regaining his previous cuddle spot next to Shuuichi, though he made sure his face was still hidden. “...you can only find out if you join us. That’s the line I’m drawing.”

Shuichi looked down at Kokichi curiously, snaking his hand under the blanket to soothingly rub the tips of his finger over the back of Kokichi’s neck and through his hair beneath the blanket, scratching his scalp lightly as he said, “O…kay? We’ll have to get someone to babysit, but sure. I missed you guys while you were in the bathroom.”

Kaito lit up at that, grinning excitedly as he said, “We could make a day of it! Make a trip to the sex shop, get a hotel room for the night–”

“Sex shop? For what?”

“Some other toys we want to try… but, like, with more communication this time! And me not losing my damn mind… actually, having a third person there would probably help.” Kaito realized, still looking excited at the idea of future sexy times. “Do you… think they’d have cat ears there? Or should I find a costume shop somewhere?”

“Cat ears??”

Hmmm…he could be appeased with this. Kokichi liked it from both of his partners, but Shuuichi did have a ‘running-fingers-through-hair’ advantage with his long fingers and typically gentle touch. Shuffling over, Kokichi cuddled more against Shuuichi’s body. 

…it would be nice, to make a day of intimacy. Not necessarily to go all day, because Kokichi doubted even Kaito could do that anymore, but just…making plans and being together. At this point, Kokichi couldn’t even remember the last time he’d had a makeout session with Shuuichi. If he was up for it? Then it’d be a nice time. 

…even maybe with cat ears.

Groaning, Kokichi buried his face in Shuuichi’s thigh. “No questions until we’re havin’ a boundary talk!”

Kaito laughed, while Shuichi just continued to gently scratch Kokichi’s head, saying soothingly, “Alright, alright. I’m sure whatever it is will be fine. I’m assuming it’s going to be awhile before we do this anyway. You two did just meet your ‘once every other month’ quota.” Shuichi said, smirking a little as Kaito groaned, flopping to his side and now looking depressed. “Am I wrong?”

“...nnnnngh.” Kaito grumbled, not willing to acknowledge Shuichi’s accurate assessment of their habits. It waaaaas gonna be awhiiiiiile. Auuuuuuuuugh… before saying hopefully to Shuichi, “Maybe you and I can do it soon? Go pray a bit?”

“Mmmmm-maybe.” Shuichi said non-committedly, tilting his book up to read it again. “We’ll see.”

“Ugh,” Kokichi groaned, gently wrapping his arms around Shuuichi’s waist. “It’s so dumb that we’re actually keeping to that pattern. I’d say we should try more often, but…we’ve tried that before and this is where we are.”

“Maybe I should just whine for kisses more. Get fancy chocolates. Wear short-shorts.”

Kokichi pulled himself up a little, kissing Shuuichi’s tummy before scooting the rest of the way to properly lie against their pillows. “...it’s gonna be terrifying, then nice when Miya gets settled in her own room.”

“You already wear short-shorts, ‘Kichi,” Kaito pointed out, shifting onto his side and looking at them both fondly, Shuichi contently searching out and taking Kokichi’s hand as he continued to read. “It’s very distracting. And what do you call all the candies you and Shuichi hide in that drawer? Unfancy chocolates?”

“Those are the ones from down to the market. To truly be fancy, they have to be hard to get.” Shuichi decided arbitrarily, before adding in, “And we’re running low…”

“I’ll make a trip tomorrow morning for some.” Kaito promised, “I was gonna go clothes shopping anyway. I might be gone for a bit tomorrow morning.”

“My shorts are respectably long,” Kokichi hummed, smiling a bit as he laced Shuuichi’s fingers with his. “I’d wear even shorter shorts. “And fancy chocolates are ones that you can buy piece by piece, not the ones in the bulk boxes…though box chocolates can be kinda fancy sometimes. If there’s a different kind of chocolate decorating the top, it’s probably a fancy chocolate.”

“...and they’re not hiding in the drawer. That’s the candy drawer, that’s where they’re meant to be.”

Clothes shopping tomorrow, huh? Kokichi wasn’t sure if that was Kaito truly taking what they’d talked about earlier to heart, but…he was glad. Smiling softly, Kokichi gave Kaito a fond look. “Thanks, hun. Do a fashion show for me when you get back?”

“Will do~” Kaito said fondly, trying to imagine Kokichi in even shorter shorts… mmmm… “Shuichi, you think you’d want some short-short–”

“No.”

“Okay, well, what about regular shorts–”

“No.”

Kaito pouted. Spoilsport. 

“I think you’d look nice in shorts,” Kokichi hummed. “Shuu-chan has nice legs. And you’d be surprised how much of a difference they make when it’s hot out like this. Though…for non-wave weather, Kai-chan’s right about Shuu-chan’s temperature management superpowers. You never do anything more than, like, cursory grumbling.”

“My clothes aren’t that hot, they just look it.” Shuichi said dismissively, “Luminary doesn’t make clothes that don’t breathe. We’d all suffocate and die.”

“True.” Kaito shrugged, “Still a pretty big difference between long black pants and brightly colored shorts…”

Kaito’s eyes went a little distant, and he looked up at the crib silently for a moment, staring blankly at it… and then his eyes cleared up as there was a little soft whine from it. Scooting off the bed, Kaito headed to the crib, already sing-songing out, “Miiiiyaaaa~. What’s the matter with my Miya?”

Shuichi looked up, “She just ate a bit ago, don’t let her fool you.” 

“She’s a little bitty growing baby, she can eat more if she’s hungry.” Kaito coo’d to her, picking her up and gently bouncing her in his arms as he said, “Maybe she’s a wet baby? Is she a wet baby? Let’s see… no? Well, you’re not crying,” he said, looking down at her slightly whimpering face, looking back up to him, “maybe you just wanted to be held a bit? We feeling lonely, princess? There, there…”

“Still,” Kokichi sighed, though he didn’t have much of a point. He knew that Hajime in particular, but a lot of the other housekeepers had worked hard altering Shuuichi’s clothes and had tried to match the extra fabric as closely as possible. A lot of Shuuichi’s paternity clothes had been new, but even though he was still a bit bigger than he was pre-pregnancy but post-poppies, Shuuichi had been back to a lot of his old clothes. As much as Kokichi thought he’d look nice in other clothes, the most important part was that Shuuichi was comfortable in whatever he was wearing. 

…

Kokichi’s eyes glanced over towards the crib, and he sat up as Kaito gathered up their daughter, sighing with a small smile when he saw her pout. “Maybe she’s bored… She’s starting to do that, every now and then. Confuses the heck out of me when we’ve been chillin’ together then she just starts whining but doesn’t need a change and won’t take the bottle. We’ve been watching out the window together lately.”

“Is that it? Are you a bored, fussy little lady? Are you a fussy little Miya?” Kaito coo’d, taking Kokichi light suggestion and going to sit by the window, saying gently, “Let’s see what’s out there today, Miyako…it’s kinda dark, huh? But let your eyes adjust baby girl, and eventually you’ll be able to see everything. Aunt Maki will show you how to perfect that one day, she’ll have you sit out in the moon and grow real still, and real quiet. You’ll close those pretty golden eyes of yours…” 

Kaito grinned down at her, gently trailing his finger down the side of her face as she looked up curiously at him as he promised, “And after a few moments of keeping your eyes closed? You’ll open your eyes, and it’s like you’re in a totally new place. Everything is silver and blue, and you can see the movement in the trees. Curious squirrels up past their bed time staring at you, owls keeping watch in the branches, and if we’re lucky? Little baby deers will be crossing their usual paths in the distance, and you’ll get to be there, safe with your aunt, watching the forest move and breathe and live around you…”

In Miyako’s mind, she could see the strange beasts, dressed in blue and silver, glancing at her with curious eyes before moving on. Big and furry and strange and fascinating, the Dragon at her side, all forming around her by dad’s rich inner world.

And Kaito’s eyes widened as he said hushedly, “Guys. Guys. Hurry. She’s smiling.”

Shuichi threw his book aside and bolted to their side.

Kokichi had started doing it because of the suggestion she’d enjoy sunlight. In the mornings they shared together, when the sun was on the other side of the castle and they were safely behind a window, Kokichi didn’t worry that much about Miya accidentally staring into the sun or getting a burn. It was just…warm and nice. Kokichi would watch the distant goings on in town and tell Miyako about it, making up little stories about people’s lives, like he used to do to entertain himself in the same spot.

Like what Kaito was doing now, in a promise Miya could one day live. 

…one that, apparently, she really liked.

Kokichi’s eyes widened into saucers as he quickly scrambled after Shuuichi, thankfully making it there in time to see…Oh Miya. Her little crinkled, happy eyes and baby-chubby cheeks pulled into a full-bodied, delighted smile. The uncomplicated feelings of a baby full force in an expression. 

“Uuuuu…” 

A quiet sound made its way out of Kokichi’s throat as his eyes filled with tears, overcome seeing his daughter smile for the first time.

{<:oDDDDDD}

“How did you do it? What did you do?” Shuichi asked, staring wide eyed at Miyako, who had glanced over at her other dads as she clumsily started to try to both such her finger and smile at the same time, not quite understanding that she’d have to pick one or the other yet. 

“No idea, I was just talking, ya know? Fudge, maybe we’re just watching the start of a poop, but look at her, it looks real, right? I think she’s really smiling, I think she’s happy about something.” Kaito grinned, looking at her adoringly, gently petting her hair back, before glancing over at Kokichi, “Aw, babe… you okay there?” he grinned, “Careful, you’re gonna get our little girl all wet.”

Kokichi sniffed. “Hey, I told you I was gonna cry at every milestone. Oh Miya-Miya…your smile is so wonderful. I’m happy you’re happy…” 

Kokichi returned a bright grin of his own, gently tilting his head onto Kaito’s arm. {Happy, happy. Your daddies are so happy you’re happy. What a fantastic smile, cinna-bun.}

“...yeah, I’ll call this a genuine smile. Our little girl’s f-first smile…” His smile stayed bright, but fat, happy tears started to run down Kokichi’s cheeks.

“Miyako, you’re breathtaking,” Shuichi told her gently, their baby slowly starting to look just more confused, able to feel their joy but now a little confused what everyone was so happy about. Bunch of weirdos, honestly.

“Heck yeah she is.” Kaito grinned, lifting her up to give her a small kiss to her temple. “More smiles forever, please, Miya. More happy little baby smiles. We’re at your beck and call. Just reward us with a smile every now and again.”

“She might start laughing soon.” Shuichi whispered.

“Oh please,” Kaito begged gently, “Smiles and laughs. I’d live and die on smiles and laughs.” Kaito looked over to Kokichi again, and laughed gently, leaning over to give him a kiss on his wet cheeks, “Living on all of your smiles and laughs.”

“I’m gonna lose it when she laughs,” Kokichi sniffled, pressing against Kaito and looping an arm around his back. “You think this is losing it? Nah. Just wait.”

Reaching out to put a hand on Shuuichi’s back too, Kokichi blinked away a few of his tears before laughing softly. “What do you think she’s gonna laugh at first? My bet is one of us doing something silly and embarrassing and she’s gonna catch us totally off guard. We’ll think it’s one of her gurgles but no, it’s a laugh…”

Kokichi trailed off there, eyes widening again as something occurred to him. “...Shuu-chan, she’s gonna call out to you first. ‘Dada’ is way easier for a baby to say first than ‘Daddy’ or ‘Dad’.”

“As she should. I carried her for nine months. If I don’t get the first smile, it’s only fair I get first name privileges.” Shuichi sniffed, pouting slightly, though he continued to gently touch his daughter across the shoulder. Miyako, in turn, was far more interested in trying to get Dad’s shirt in her mouth now, grasping onto it and weakly trying to pull it towards her, a determined look on her face. “Kaito, don’t let her do that.”

“She just wants a little taste of dad cotton.” Kaito cooed, though he reached for the pacifier to sate his child's endless need to stick things into her mouth.

“Seriously, you didn’t do anything different to make her smile?”

“Just talked nonsense at her, like I usually do. Can’t even remember what I was talking about.” Kaito admitted, sighing contently as he said, “She seems to be over whatever it was though. I’ll tell you guys if she starts again, but go back to bed. It’s been a long day.”

Kokichi laughed softly and rubbed Shuuichi’s back. That was more than fair, and he knew he’d be losing his mind over Miyako speaking at all. It was crazy…not even a year ago she wasn’t even a concept, and now here she was, smiling and learning how to express herself in new ways everyday…

…Kaito had just…been waxing poetic about nightlife. About the peace of nature after dark. Kokichi wasn’t sure if it was any of the concepts, but…well, kind of no matter what Kaito was talking about, he did paint wonderful pictures that could make anyone smile. (They were still working on it, but Kokichi had been taking a few moments a night to sit in his giant tree, contemplating the stars. He still felt stuck as to why he wasn’t remembering, but…it was still peaceful and comfortable in his meditation room. A good place to think in.)

“Wonderful, fleeting moments,” Kokichi hummed softly, smoothing back some of Miyako’s wispy baby hair and giving her a fond look before sighing. “Alright… It won’t bother me if you’re up reading for a while, Shuu-chan, but I think I’m gonna try and go to sleep. Gotta keep my schedule up--don’t wanna miss out on morning Daddy-Miya time.”

Miyako, who was now staring at the pacifier Kaito was trying to tempt her with like it confounded her, glanced up at Kokichi, blinking at him a bit as he pet her hair…

{Shirt.} She insisted. Pulling at Kaito’s shirt a bit. Clearly expecting him to fix this.

Kokichi’s lips twitched up into an amused smile, sticking around to fawn over Miya for a few moments, despite his intentions to go to bed. {Shirt will mean an upset tummy for you. Your pacifier is made to be chewed and sucked on. So it means a healthy Mi-Mi.}

{Mi-Mi.} 

Miyako blinked at that, having never directly confronted the idea that someone else might observe her like she did them. She stared in bewilderment at Kokichi, and indeed, her mind couldn’t grasp it for long, trailing off as she struggled to understand the weight of a perspective outside of her own that would need to address her as someone outside of them… and in her confusion Kaito went, “Ah-ha!” As she took in the pacifier, contently sucking on it.

And once she had it, she mostly thought, {Mmm.}

Shuichi smiled a bit, before giving Kaito a kiss against his temple, and then obligingly letting Kaito insist on a proper kiss before heading to bed.

{I love you. Goodnight, Mi-Mi.}

Giving Kaito a squeeze, Kokichi collected his own kisses before following Shuuichi to bed, stealing another kiss before settling down. 

…and promptly remembering that he hadn’t done any of his nightly routine while Kaito had been out, so he rolled back out of bed and scampered off to the bathroom first. 

-

It wasn’t as strange and alarming as it used to be, but Kaito always had a moment of surrealness, when he went out to the market on his own. There was something ‘othering’ to it, when he was alone. A vague sense of being out of place. It wasn’t as overwhelming as it used to be, but Kaito was starting to wonder if that feeling ever really went away, living in a new culture with a different environment then the one you grew up in. 

…probably, right? He just needed to give it more time. It had only been a year, after all. 

Kaito was, in his own concept of it, both a little over dress and a little under dressed. To give himself some confidence to go out, he had dressed in a black short sleeve button up with gold trimmings across one shoulder and down one arm that had cost way too much, but with black pants that cost way less than that and black boots that had way more wear and tear on them than Kaito was entirely comfortable with. The outfit looks good as a piece, but they weren’t bought as a set and Kaito was aware how awkwardly mis-matched they were, fabric wise. Taking pants from a cheaper outfit whose shirt hadn’t made Kaito feel handsome today, but using an expensive shirt that did make him feel attractive, but the pants had been worn down and destroyed over the last year and a half and Kaito couldn’t realistically match them anymore. And the shoes…

In the market, Kaito knew no one was going to look twice at his outfit, and knew that even if they did no one was going to see the flaws or tells of what he had done, and even if somehow they did notice and did know what it meant, no one was going to judge him for it anyway… but he couldn’t stop that awkward tension in his back, knowing if he had walked among elites back in Luminary in an outfit like this, he’d have been taken aside by someone asking him what the fuck he was thinking and if he was trying to embaress himself on purpose…

Even if they were collectively cheaper? He needed new outfits that were meant to go together. At least he wouldn’t feel like he was trying to ‘fake it’ and failing.

But! Clothes would come after. Kaito was bee-lining for the penguin place that he and Kokichi had seen so long ago, peeking in through the windows and seeing them waddle in the distance. Kaito was a man with a mission. A mission to get his husband all up close and personal with those waddly, fat little weirdos. Gonna get Kokichi a whole damn penguin entourage. At least for his twenty-first birthday! 

… Kaito just wished he could fucking remember where it was. 

He had been bee-lining, but heading straight to where he had thought it was had left him exactly where he had thought the penguin place was, staring at yogurt shop… hm. Now he was just kinda looking around aimlessly, kinda hoping the next step would be obvious… hmm… maybe he should ask someone… he looked around for a friendly face. “Um, excuse me?”

Summer wasn’t exactly Yasu’s favorite season, and the fact that she had to trade in her suit jackets and trousers was just another lump on the pile. Even if Nao always said she looked nice in lighter fair, Yasu was much more comfortable being covered up, but that lost its appeal when she was sweating through every layer. So the season of fitted polos and long shorts began--at least outside the office. 

Practically jolting out of her skin when a stranger called out--though it did tend to happen multiple times a day--Yasu reluctantly turned…only to pale at exactly who it was that called out. 

…was this it? Was this the day Kaito Momota killed her? There had been more than enough gossip about the prince’s infamous temper, and enough substance to the rumors for Yasu to believe them, and…well, she wasn’t exactly on the prince’s good side. Even if Shuuichi had forgiven her. 

“Y-yes!” she stuttered just a little too loudly. “What can I do for you, sir?”

It maybe said something about Kaito, that it didn’t strike him as immediately unusual that some random person called him ‘sir’ as he grinned at her, putting up his hands slightly, palms out (to quickly show he wasn’t armed– again, an old habit so ingrained it might as well have been instinct) before saying, “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. Could you help me? I’m a little unfamiliar with the area and I’ve gotten a bit turned around.”

It was after he had finished speaking that Kaito’s brain remembered where he was and that Dicean’s didn’t tend to react or speak like that to being approached by him. Huh. 

Plausible that Kaito didn’t know this area exactly, but the prince had still been living there for a year. Though…most of the royal family weren’t exactly adventurous types. He could really be telling the truth. 

…but even so… This was it, Yasu. Prince Kaito was going to lure you into an alley, one he knows isn’t regularly patrolled because he found the route rotation in the guards’ office in the castle, and you’re gonna get murdered. God, hopefully someone competent was put on the case--as much as the attention sucked, she never wanted to end up as a cold case. Good thing her will was updated. 

Absolutely crying on the inside, Yasu nodded stiffly. “Yes. Where are you headed to?”

Kaito laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as he admitted, “See, that’s the thing, I’m not… sure what it’s called? It’s where penguins live, but not the aquarium, this was a different place. I think it’s some sort of zoo or animal sanctuary or something? There’s this place, somewhere around here,” Kaito said, gesturing vaguely around them, “That has these penguin walk things. You have any idea what I’m talking about?”

He was going to throw her body to the pigs. Impressively difficult to get past civilians and the employees, but a surefire way to get rid of a corpse. 

Swallowing, Yasu’s eyes went off to the side. “I believe you’re referring to the Usott Aquatic Animal Rehabilitation and Education Center…they advertise penguin walks, where when it’s closed for general traffic the keepers let the penguins go see the other animal enclosures, and they sell tickets for people to follow along. You got close…it’s on Claymore.”

Yasu, carefully keeping Kaito in her vision--she was a coward, but she couldn’t bare to turn her back to him--pointed gently to the intersection at the top of the street they were on. “If you go west on Sycamore, it’s two streets over, and you should be able to see the sign, sir.”

Kaito followed her gaze, looking where she was pointing. “Ooooooh. Okay, that makes sense… man, okay, so at least I wasn’t that far off. Thank you so–”

“KAITO MY BOY!”

Kaito’s eyes widened, startled, as a heavy hand thumped down onto his shoulder, firmly shaking him as Nekomaru laughed jovially, “LOOK AT YOU, FINALLY CRAWLING OUT OF YOUR BEDROOM! NEVER THOUGHT I’D SEE THE DAY! WHERE’S YOUR BALL AND CHAINS!?”

“Oh, uh, good day Mr. Nidai.” Kaito said, looking over to the larger man as he asked, “When did you get back from your trip–”

“Two days ago.” Kyoko said simply, walking up to his other side, Oliver cheerfully clinging to her arm. “We’re on our way to get pedicures when we saw you with Mrs. Todoa here. Thought we might say hello.” She said, gaze blank. Staring intently at Yasu. 

“Mrs. Todoa…?” Kaito asked, little confused, before realizing, “Oh! Sorry, do you all know each other?” Kaito asked, looking to Yasu, gesturing his head slightly to the three older Luminaries, who were all peering at her with a… variety of intensities. “My name is Kaito, I’m dating one of their charges. How did you meet?”

“We know lots of people.” Oliver said with a wide, knowing smile, “Maybe we’ve just seen her around.”

Yasu jolted again at the appearance of an even larger man, and, quickly, she began searching for an exit strategy. Kaito had already begun to thank her before being interrupted, so…she really could just nod and be on her way. And stay home for the next year or two. Aihito could definitely just deliver her work to her house. And…maybe she could write out theories for court and just send them to the castle, have a proxy there to read through it…

Before she could act on any kind of awkward exit, though, two more people came up, the lilac-haired woman saying her name and…

Oh no. 

This was going to be an organized hit. They were always the worst cases, since everyone involved was covering for each other. If you were lucky, there was someone less invested or more easily rattled that could undo the whole story, but…Yasu had never counted on her luck. 

…and they were all connected to Shuuichi. 

If it were possible, Yasu paled even further, even with her slightly sunburnt skin. Maybe running away crying would really be the proper response here, rather than the impulse she had to squash down.

Feeling like a butterfly pinned to a board, Yasu stared back wide-eyed at the other group. “...I imagine it would be more than that. And I would think you’re all not just looking for a good lawyer.”

Stiffly bowing her head to Kaito a little, Yasu was only faintly comforted by the fact they were in the middle of a busy street. “...I apologize. I don’t believe we’ve ever met in person, Prince Momota. I am Yasu Todoa, attorney at law.” …and he hadn’t seemed to recognize her name, so… “Um. I believe the way you’d know me is Nao Umezaki’s wife.”

“....” Kaito’s left eye twitched. “.......... oh! The old librarian! That’s great!”

Here’s the thing.

Miss Kirigiri, Mr. Nidai, and Miss Luna had all… technically… not been told yet what happened to Shuichi. And Kaito, even if he could strongly suspect they knew already on their own everything that had happened… still didn’t actually know that. And Kaito, as many feelings as he had about this… couldn’t and wouldn’t give away his boyfriends secrets, especially not one this personal and this damaging. So. Just in case… he grinned, looking at the mentors brightly as he said, “An old staff member of the castle, moved onto new things not long ago. And how do you know her?”

Miss Kirigiri gave him a blank look, “...as Oliver said. We’ve seen her around. And it’s my business to know people. So everything is well with you, Kaito?” She asked, looking back to Yasu and clearly talking to her as she said, “As our prince, we of course wished to check on you, seeing you out here alone and speaking to an infamous lawyer, so far from her office over on Kallow–”

Ah, okay. Second problem.

Kaito couldn’t just openly say anything about the Nao issue because the mentors might not have all the information. That was what he owed Shuichi.

But if the mentors did know? And they were stopping by to threaten Yasu, either on Kaito’s behalf, or because why not take some shots at the woman married to the woman who had tortured their kid? Then Kaito couldn’t… really allow that either. Because he owed it to Maki to protect Mr. Nidai from himself. 

And he owed it to Kokichi to protect the wife of someone he considered family.

So he said loudly, before Miss Kirigiri could really warm up to what she was apparently gearing to do, “Yes! Over on Kallowson, what a lovely street! But Mrs. Todoa was just about to help me secure Kokichi’s birthday present! So we have to go!”

Pulling himself out of Mr. Nidai’s grip, Kaito put his arm around Yasu, gently pushing her away from them as he grinned widely, “You guys were getting a pedicure, right!? Sounds like fun, so jealous! It was great to see you, but this is time sensitive! Right, Yasu? Gotta go?”

…uh oh.

This wasn’t just an organized hit. This was something much more complex--a layered interpersonal problem, and…they were all playing the game of plausible deniability. The thing that frustrated Yasu to sharp, cutting words in the court and made her want to curl up in a ball under the covers everywhere else. 

…ordinarily, people knowing where her office was without having met in person wasn’t such an odd thing, but by the lilac-haired woman’s demeanor, she was meaning it as a threat. It could be a coin flip sometimes, but…Yasu would wager that these were the types of folks to escalate if they didn’t see their threat working. A tactic that didn’t work against large numbers, or people who were willing to fight very long battles, but…

She didn’t even want to be talking to Kaito in the first place! Dammit! All Yasu had wanted was to stop by the specialty cooking store… Was it too much to ask she could just go on a walk?!

Yasu was stiff as a board as Kaito started nudging her away from the other group, but she didn’t put up any resistance, simply giving the prince a nod before addressing the others, not quite looking at them. “Please enjoy your day.”

…there was always the possibility that is was still the organized hit, and the others had grouped for intimidation so that Yasu would go willingly with Kaito to a covert location but… Well, at least they were catching more than a few eyes. There would be plenty of witnesses to talk to.

“SEE YOU LATER, PRINCE KAITO! DON’T DO ANYTHING STUPID WHILE YOU’RE OUT AND ABOUT! ANY MORE OF THOSE EARRINGS FROM MY GIRL AND YOU’LL START TO LOOK GAUDY! HA-HA HA HA HA!!”

“Aha, ha, yep! Okay bye.” Kaito said, giving the mentors a wave, keeping his hand on Yasu’s back as they moved vaguely in the direction she had given them before.

After a moment, Kaito looked over his shoulders, and wasn’t surprised to see all the mentors had vanished. Didn’t necessarily mean they were gone, but… Kaito let out a little breath. If they were going to try something, they wouldn’t have let Kaito walk away with her. And, well… it’s not like they were going to do anything to her anyway. You didn’t target family members. It was dishonorable.  Blood feuds were personal things… so long as the mentors had the full story and knew how little Yasu had to do with what happened? She’d be fine. He just didn’t know how much they knew.

All Yasu was guilty of was ignoring someone else’s abuse. And, well… Kaito knew damn well how hard it was to turn your back on loved ones. Or even to see the worst of them. He hadn’t held it against Hajime, who Nao meant nothing too, and he hadn’t held it against Seiko, who was arguably far guiltier of it. He wouldn’t leave Yasu to be a victim of a misunderstanding. That said?

“...um. Sorry about that.” Kaito said softly, “...where are you heading? I can walk you.”

“Thank you,” Yasu said just as soft, though after a moment she added, “Though I’ll feel very silly if this does turn out to be an enormous plot. I won’t fight it preemptively so…I’ll ask to please give me a chance to make my last words something a little less embarrassing if that’s the case.”

…Shuuichi and Maki’s parents, or whatever analog was closest. Luminaries. Even as professionals, it would be a very foolish and dangerous task to intentionally harm a Dicean citizen. As the first since that kangaroo trial against Defendant Yukizome, they would likely be held up in trials to set precedents for Luminaries committing crimes in Dicea. It wasn’t a smart move. 

But if they thought they could pull it off? Yasu had had more than a few clients who simply hadn’t entertained the idea that they would fail at all. It was a bizarre and dangerous form of confident determination. 

Rubbing her arm anxiously, Yasu watched the passing feet of the people around them. “...I think I’m just going to head home, and I will not ask you to escort me there, sir. Um…good luck at the UAAREC. For Kokichi’s birthday.”

“Um, don’t call me sir.” Kaito said, a little stiffly now, more aware of the context to why she would be doing so now, “Thank you. …”

Kaito tucked his hands into his pockets, and tilted her head at her slightly. She was tall. Dicean amazons, once again proving the rule… and she was tired looking. And skittish. And, admittedly, a little uglier now then she had been when Kaito had first asked her for help. “... I won’t insist. You're probably fine. And we’ll have a talk with them to ensure that. At least in regards to me and mine, you don’t need to look over your shoulder or stay awake at night…”

Kaito debated with himself for a moment… but he couldn’t help himself. He asked. “She still living in the city?”

It made sense why he hadn’t said anything before, if he hadn’t recognized her. But now it made for another person to try and get out of the habit for, Yasu supposed. 

What had happened with Nao certainly made Yasu’s discomfort and paranoia around people a little more real, but her feelings hadn’t changed much. All the same… “I appreciate the reassurance.”

Yasu shifted awkwardly, starting to feel a familiar strain in her shoulders. Nao was always chastising her for looking down, especially being on the taller side, saying that it was going to mess up her neck, as if Nao hadn’t constantly been putting her body in stress positions, if she didn’t straight up accidentally injure herself. Realistically, Yasu was more worried about the impending heart attack she was sure to have before 40 than she was about her posture. 

About to once again make an exit, Yasu paused at Kaito’s question, looking at his knees warily for a moment before giving a short nod. “Yes.”

“Reckless.” Kaito said simply, his right hand briefly clenching up before he forced it to relax. But then, that was in character for her. Bold. Reckless. Maybe even ‘brave’, if you were being optimistic. Kaito wondered if he would have made the same decision, in her shoes. Considering how badly he had wanted to be in solitary at one point? Or dead? He didn’t think so. But who knew. It was hard to guess how you’d react until you were in the moment.

“...would you stop staring at the ground? It’s pissing me off.” Kaito said, teeth gritting slightly, “I’ve been told you’re one of the top lawyers in the capital. Fucking hold yourself with some respect or I won’t give you any.”

Yasu had called her wife out more than once about running away, but the fact of the matter was…she would’ve been fired either way. Aiichi had given her more leeway than what she had done deserved, but only to set her affairs in order since she had consistently been a trusted informant into Dicea’s underworld for years, and especially had been during the Poppy Epidemic. It had been Nao herself to rush the process. 

She still thought it was a bit unfair that to her victim, Nao had simply disappeared while he was away, but…it wasn’t like Yasu knew what was “right” to do. Not unless Shuuichi had pursued further legal action…which he hadn’t. Sadly, the impression she got from the young man was that he blamed himself for, at the very least, half of what had happened. 

So…they hadn’t actually run. And they had no intention to. 

Yasu was a coward, she might’ve shrunk away from those Luminaries’ weird threats…but she was one of the best lawyers in Usott. And she was a Dicean through and through. 

Not raising her gaze any, Yasu looked to the side, pressing her thumb into the crook of her opposite elbow. “...die mad about it, then. If someone chooses not to respect me, that’s their problem, not mine.”

Fully turning to go this time, Yasu sighed softly. “...we’ll likely be sending Kokichi birthday wishes in the mail. If you would like a heads up.”

Kaito didn’t answer. His nose wrinkled up slightly, but… well. If there was anyone in Dicea who Kaito already didn’t feel a need to prove himself too, Yasu was it. He had given her a chance. She had tossed it aside. Whatever.

Besides, he didn’t know if Kokichi was ever going to try to reconnect with Nao, someday. He didn’t want anything he said to be the thing that got between him and their gift. His husbands happiness meant a lot to him. Kaito’s personal disgust with Nao and her wife could take a back seat… so long as nothing hurt Shuichi.

…ugh. He watched her walk away, wrestling with his own anger, clenching his fists in his pockets, idly rubbing the pebble in his pocket. Gross… she and Nao deserved each other. No wonder Nao married her. She probably has a thing for beating people down to that.

…that was cruel. A bad thought. Kaito was just frustrated and angry, letting his spite get to him. It felt like something Byakuya would say. Taking his rock out, he held it in his hands, rubbing it with his thumb, standing just off from the sidewalk, people passing him one way to another. His adrenaline making it difficult for him to move. He just had to wait for it to pass…

Taking a deep breath, after a while his body calmed down. Well, that was a rough start to the day. Kaito kinda wanted to go home. Or sit in a pub for awhile. But, Kokichi came first. Penguins. He needed to get his husband his gift. Kaito couldn’t stew in this. 

And he needed to get clothes that didn’t make him feel fake and stupid and like he didn’t know how the fuck to take care of himself. He didn’t want to fucking look like Yasu.

-

Ikuo had missed days like these. Lazy summer days without the dusty, dry Luminary heat coming through the mountains. Days filled with idle chatter, people living their lives in the multitude of ways they all personally chose, having the freedom to do so. He often regretted staying in the war for so long, but…he did feel pride in having gone at all. Having lent his hand to protect lazy summer days like this. 

And while folks had all kinds of ways…a certain fella wearing all black and glaring at his coffee like it had wronged him seemed like the kind of different that warranted an intervention. 

Ikuo strolled over, wearing a tank top with a pattern of kittens on it, his signature cap, shorts and sandals, no longer quite as sweaty as he had been just a bit before. The Tai Chi group he’d joined did occasionally get rigorous, but ol’ Nando had wanted to take advantage of their mutual history in acrobatics to do something a little more artful that morning. 

With the kids that came to watch, it reminded Ikuo of the better parts of the old days. 

Joining Kaito on the bench he’d snagged, Ikuo sat back and let out a deep, relaxing breath. “G’mornin’, kiddo. Got some shoppin’ done?”

“Man, everyone keeps sneaking up on me today.” Kaito muttered, though this time he was less notably startled, sitting up slightly and giving Ikou a respectful nod (and only staring at his arms for, like… a totally reasonable glancing period of time! They did not linger! For more than a second!) before tapping his bag slightly with the side of his foot, “Yep. Kokichi’s orders. Your son was getting tired of my old clothes, said I needed to go spruce it up before he got bored of me… kidding.” Kaito grinned warily, “Obviously. Took the morning to run some errands. What are you doing out here, Ikou?”

There was some mirth under the brim of the older man’s hat at Kaito’s joke, but he’d known his son-in-law long enough to notice it wasn’t quite like the prince’s usual brand of humor. “I’ll say, would be mighty weird ‘a ya ta start wearin’ neons. Ain’t ya style, kid.”

“Wen’ ta my Tai Chi group,” Ikuo nodded over towards the park. “Us’lly jus’ go ta the weekly meet ups, but I had th’ mornin’ off norm’ly an’ decided ta enjoy th’ day. Seems li’ most folks are t’day.”

There were crowds in the streets on any given day, and the Usott residents had had the whole of summer to enjoy the weather, but the abundance didn’t mean that they appreciated it any less. Every good day was a chance to take advantage of it. 

“...you good, son?” Ikuo asked, more straightforward, looking at Kaito out of the side of his eyes as he watched the crowds. “Won’ blame ya fer takin’ a moment ‘a peace, but ya seem more down.”

That obvious, huh? Kaito sipped at his coffee, debating with himself how much he should say. He had hoped shopping would make him feel better, but… once again he had been struck by that ‘other’ feeling. Shops were set up differently. Items were priced differently. The clothes design were all, either subtly or dramatically, different from what Kaito had grown up with.

He was tired. Why did he ever leave the castle anyway.

And wow, if a thought like that wasn’t a strong indicator he was still sulking over what had happened. Scoffing at himself slightly, Kaito finished his sip, before shrugging, “Got into a fight this morning. Ran across Nao’s wife, Yasu. I’m assuming you’ve met her. Everyone fucking knows everyone here.”

Verbal fight. Otherwise Kaito would’ve likely been talking to a member of the guardforce before him. 

“Can’ say I know th’ woman personally,” Ikuo hummed, “But I know ‘a her. Big shot lawyer, ain’t she? Bu’ that part ain’t as important ta yer connection with ‘er, hm.”

“...does tend ya be a small town, though havin’ grown up in a real one, I can say it’s nigh’ an’ day,” Ikuo chuckled. “Bu’ livin’ in th’ castle, where ev’ryone passes through at one point ‘er ‘nother…gets ya comfy wi’ people’s names. What they do. Know those lessons use ya drive Bunny crazy, tryin’ ta learn how ta identify people quickly.”

Ikuo tilted his hat. “...wha’ she say ta ya?”

“That makes sense. My brother and cousin could do that, identify people quickly, but we had people who were responsible for telling us who was who in any big event before we had a chance to meet them anyway.” Kaito recalled, tapping idly at his coffee mug, “Secretaries, personal servants, the other persons assistants who had come to fetch you. A lot of work to give the illusion you were intimately familiar with someone by reputation alone. The best of them could even recall or kept notes on if you had met them before and could give you a summary of what you had talked about. There are some hard working people, at Luminary gatherings. They’d have appreciated Kokichi beng able to do it himself. I was hopeless, I’d either remember everything about a person or nothing about them, and it was impossible to guess which one it’d be before I was brought up to shake their hand.”

Kaito was aware that telling Ikou all that could be detrimental. Give his father-in-law a worse view of Kaito’s country. Spread uncomfortable rumors about Luminary… but that just literally was how it was. What, Kaito was just never going to tell anyone about what home was like, in fear of being judged? Let everyone look at him like he was the fucking freak. He didn’t have anything to prove.

(... he knew that wasn’t true. But for the moment it was nice to pretend it was.)

“Barely anything.” Kaito admitted with a shrug, “I asked her where to find penguins. She showed me. Some stuff happened and I told she was trash garbage that needed to get her shit together… basically. And she told me to fuck myself. Basically.”

“... not actually.” Kaito clarified, shrugging again, “I told her she needed to hold herself with some respect or I wouldn’t respect her. She told me to die mad about it. And now I probably fucking will. Be fifty years from now, when I’m almost as old as you are now, laying in my death bed, just rubbing that stupid meditiation stone between my old decripit fingers seething in my last breath ‘I don’t have to respect someone who won’t respect themselves you’re a fucking lady of the court you should know better…’ ergh.”

Ikuo nodded, listening to Kaito’s description of Luminary customs, before he let out an impressed sigh. “Don’t that sound like a helluva’n expectation. Them info-gatherin’ folks must be hopped up ta give the 110% needed ta keep track ‘a all ‘a that. Will be honest with ya, though--comin’ from a Dicean, bein’ addressed by someone that already knows ya name ‘n hist’ry sounds right creepy. Mi’ jus’ be ‘cause we’re used ta talkin’ ‘bout home with strangers.”

And in the case names and background was needed, well, people loved introducing themselves. It was a regular ritual for folks, but most especially those that dealt with a lot of people professionally like Kokichi or that lawyer gal. Even if a lot of people did know them by reputation--it just wasn’t assumed, and considered more polite to just introduce yourself again. 

Letting out a soft snort at Kaito’s more colorful version of the fight, Ikuo quietly considered it for a moment. “...will say, ‘lady ‘a th’ court’ sounds right fancy. Think there are a few lawyer-types that’d be pleased as punch ta take on th’ epithet.”

Giving Kaito a more gentle look, Ikuo adjusted his hat. “...if she told ya ta die mad about yer ‘pinion, don’t sound like she don’t respect herself ta me. Sounds like th’ kinda person that’s pretty secure, actually. Wha’ was she doin’?” 

“Holding herself like a servant getting scolded.” Kaito said dryly, clenching his cup slightly tighter, “Not even an experienced or higher ranking servant. Like some seventeen year old chambermaid at her first job, unaware of how to make a good impression. I thought she was scared of me, or feeling guilty or some shit, and that was why she was acting like that. Because otherwise why would she be acting like that? Nope. Don’t know what the fuck I expected, honestly. Die mad about it… fuck her. Couldn’t even look me in the damn face.”

Ikuo spent a few more quiet moments thinking. Feeling the sun soak into his skin and the breeze pass through the open area between his back and his shirt. 

“Ya know that that kinda culture ain’t a thing here,” Ikuo said, not in an accusing tone, but conversational. Stating it as a fact he knew. “So…that’s the question, ain’t it? Why else would she be actin’ like that.”

“Can’ tell ya fer sure--I dunno th’ lady,” Ikuo shrugged. “Bu’...lack ‘a eye contact ain’t always a sign ‘a bein’ scared ‘er guilty. In plenny ‘a places, it’s a sign of respect in itself. Migh’ jus’ be how she’s comfortable bein’. Body language ain’t universal.”

Ikuo sighed softly. “Bu’ I migh’ have a guess why she said that. People don’ take kindly ta arbitrary nitpickin’ ‘er people makin’ their feelin’s yer problem. Goes against our whole culture. ‘F ya were sayin’ somethin’ she took ta be, ‘change somethin’ harmless about yerself ta please me, someone who ain’t much more than a stranger’, makes sense why she’d tell ya ta go fuck yerself.”

“We’re a stubborn lot,” Ikuo chuckled without much mirth. “Withou’ seein’ someone hurt, ask us ta not be ourselves an’ we’ll double down even harder. Li’l Denji is prolly one ‘a th’ best examples of that cultural trait.”

“Well, hope it was worth it to her.” Kaito muttered, glaring at his coffee… before taking a steadying breath. This was Ikou, not Yasu. Not even Waku. He was speaking plainly because he was pissed, but Ikou deserved better than this. He needed to pull it together, actually try to hear what the older man was saying. Listen. “... yeah, maybe she is just comfortable staring at peoples feet and hunching over. Shuichi doesn’t like to maintain eye contact either, when he’s uncomfortable. Sure… admittedly, I might be being a little less charitable with her, cause of who she is. Not exactly like I was giving her that much benefit of the doubt… it just bothered me to see her like that. How fucking dare she act that pathetic… like she’s not some successful lawyer who probably could have made certain that dirtstain of a wife of hers–”

Kaito closed his eyes and grit his teeth. Calm… calm… you have a stone in your pocket. It’s purple and blue. You picked it because it reminded you of Kokichi and Shuichi. You have to keep your anger under control for them. You have a stone in your pocket…

“...sorry. I’m sorry.” Kaito murmured softly, opening his eyes, looking frustrated with himself. “I don’t mean to lash out. Sorry. Yeah. People can hold themselves however they like in Dicea, regardless of who they are. I understand. Though I don’t know why Denji’s the obvious example of that. What, cause they like nice clothes? Are good fashion choices really that stigmatized against in Dicea?” Kaito asked, grinning slightly as he said, “People must seethe, every time you go out rocking that kitten tank-top, if people hate people who dress well that much.”

“...hope what was worth it?” Ikuo asked, though he didn’t expect much as Kaito rambled on. And…it really was more than just a woman who didn’t like lookin’ at people. Yasu wasn’t just a random person to Kaito, for how little she was an active part of his life. She was connected to Shuuichi’s abuser, and for that, she would never personally be redeemed in Kaito’s eyes. And because of how Kaito operated, that means she wouldn’t be redeemed in any facet. 

“...ya can hate ‘er, ya know,” Ikuo said softly, leaning forward a little to look at Kaito. “‘S long as ya don’t got a plan ta hurt ‘er intimidate ‘er, ya don’ really need a reason ta hate anyone. An’ ya actually do have a reason. Ya jus’ can’ be surprised if ya rude ta people an’ they call ya out on it.”

Letting out a stream of air as Kaito commented on his tank top, Ikuo laughed before shaking his head, fixing Kaito with a slightly questioning look before looking back out at the crowds. “Ain’ ‘bout fashion. An’ people no’ carin’ much ‘bout what clothes ya wearin’ is part a’ th’ whole ‘respectin’ other people doin’ ya thing’ thing.”

“...ain’t my story ta tell in color if ya haven’t heard it. Bu’ a kid marchin’ inta th’ castle alone ‘n hecklin’ folks until they get what they want does have a story behind it. An’ while I only knew ‘em a few months back then…” Ikuo trailed off for a moment, a regretful sigh leaving him. “...well, we’ve talked since, an’ Bunny’s kept me updated. Ain’t never seen Den compromise themself fer a second fer someone else’s standards. Even in a culture that honors that, i’s still admirable. Damn hard not ta fall inta th’ crowd ta try an’ be liked.”

“Pff. I wish I could just quietly hate someone and just move on with my day. How the hell do people manage that? How does it not feel like it’s eating their stomach from the insides out?” Kaito asked, looking tired. “I know that’s not what you said I should do. I just… nevermind. It seems so easy for other people. Maki and Shuichi can do it. Or at least they can fake it. Hate people without it ruining their whole damn day. And who’s surprised? She got exactly what she wanted. She said something to piss me off, and now, hours later, I’m still pissed. What’s surprising about me reacting exactly how she wanted me to?”

Kaito ran his hand over his face, letting the warmth of the cup warm the lids of his eyes for a moment, taking comfort in it. “... I won’t ask. You're right, if it’s a personal story than Denji can tell me themselves someday. Or maybe they never will. Honestly it’s kinda hit or miss if they like me. I think the best thing I’ve got going with Denji is they don’t actively hate me, so that’s good. Oh, and they think I’m hot. So… actually that’s usually the most I can hope to get out of people, so I’m golden with them.”

“...admirable, huh?” Kaito sighed, leaning back on the bench as he said, “‘Kichi keeps telling me that too. That me trying to be what people like will just make people dislike me. Which is a bummer, because being myself also causes people to dislike me. Sort of a lose-lose there…” Kaito remembered staring out into that field of people, staring back at him. Quiet and somber. An air of embarrassment on his behalf from everyone around him. His mother looking away from him. 

Kaito’s chest squeezed, and he said, “Nao said it too. When I attacked her. About the thing you were talking about with the culture of, like, being offended for being responsible for other people’s emotions? She said that while I was contemplating going at her with a stick. She said it like she was scolding a child. I remember thinking it was such a strange choice on her part. I didn’t even understand what she was trying to say to me. All I could think was that she really didn’t care that I was going to kill her… like my hatred really didn’t matter to her. That’s what I meant, earlier. When you asked what I hoped was worth it for Yasu? My hatred.”

Kaito closed his eyes, clutching at his far too expensive shirt, sighing. “How do people do it? It’s like having a monster inside of you… it’s a terrible feeling. It eats me alive.”

Ikuo had a few thoughts, but the one that stopped him first made him raise a hidden brow. “...how d’ya know that’s wha’ she wanted? ‘Die mad ‘bout it’ usually means… ‘I don’ care whatcha doin’, it don’ ‘ffect me’. Jus’ means that if yer mad, yer anger’s only hurtin’ you.”

Which…was that the same thing to Kaito? Admittedly, Ikuo was starting to get a little lost. But…he could still tell one thing, and that was that his son-in-law was miserable over this.

“Aw, kid…” Ikuo scooted over on the bench and put an arm around his son-in-law, moving like their size difference was no barrier at all to his goal of putting Kaito under his wing, offering comfort to him. 

“...didn’ realize it didn’ feel that way to ya. Denji really likes ya, ya know? They love ya like a brother, fer how happy ya make Bunny, but they love ya as ya are too. Li’l firecracker ain’t buzzin’ fer anythin’ else as much as they are after chattin’ fashion with ya.”

“An’ I like ya plenny,” Ikuo said firmly. A short sentence that nonetheless felt like a broad, sturdy, irrefutable wall. “Like ya ‘cause a Bunny too, but how ya choose ta treat ya loved ones makes me love ya more, kid. It’s somethin’ all you.”

“Waku, yer friend in the kitchen, Temp, yer dancin’ friend, Lake an’ ‘Zumi, not ta mention ‘course ‘Kich’, Shu’chi, an’ Maki… ‘Kich’ fawns over ya ‘bout once a month tellin’ me ‘bout how ya ‘came th’ life ‘a th’ party durin’ Harvest las’ year.” Ikuo rubbed Kaito’s shoulder, his presence intended like a warm blanket. “Only you can tell if yer puttin’ on a mask fer ‘em, but…I got a feelin’ they like ya fer how ya are.”

Sighing softly, Ikuo knew he had the harder questions next. “...our stubbornness goes both ways. All sorts ‘a ways, really. An’ us not bein’ in charge ‘a other folks’ emotions, them no’ bein’ in charge ‘a ours… Lotta people believe that if someone hates ya ta the point ‘a violence? Then there’s already nothin’ ya can do ta change their minds. That’s a decision they’ve made on their own. So ya gotta choose ta stay true to yerself, which most folks find the choice with dignity; or ta turn traitor an’ die anyway, havin’ lost yourself withou’ a fight. Tha’s not somethin’ that meshes at all with yer sense ‘a mercy, huh?”

“My best guess is tha’ wha’ Yasu said had nothin’ ta do with ya at all. To her…if you were speakin’ ta her like that, an’ with th’ his’try ya have…nothin’ she’d ever do would make ya not hate ‘er. An’ if none ‘a her actions matter…then she’s choosin’ ta keep livin’ her own life, no’ concerned with ya. If she’s a good sor’, which, if she’s managed ta be a defensive attorney with good standin’ fer so long, she prolly is, she prolly does feel ashamed and guilty over wha’ happened wi’ Shu’chi. But, in her eyes, if you’ve chosen ta hate ‘er, then…yer no’ the person she needs ta make things up to. She’d never be able to.”

Gently, Ikuo smoothed his fingers up Kaito’s nape. “...can’ tell ya ‘bout other folks’ emotions. Ev’rybody feels ‘em diff’rently. Can only tell ya fer me…my hatred burns itself out, don’ linger ‘round. I look ‘round an’ find things more important than it, ‘cause…yeah. Hatred feels like a damn beast. Burns ya ‘live fr’m th’ inside, then leaves ya like a zombie. Bu’...I see ‘Kich’ runnin’ around makin’ all sorts ‘a brill’ant plans, or I hol’ Li’l Miss Miyako in my arms, or I try out a new tea wi’ Shu’chi…”

Ikuo lifted his face up, closing his eyes as the shadow from his cap disappeared. “...I feel th’ sun an’ I listen ta folks laughin’. An’ livin’ feels better an’ more important than hatin’, that it makes it quiet.”

“...I know some folks can’ make it quiet,” he admitted softly. “Bu’ yer therapist’d prolly understand that better than some layman coot like me.”

Usually when Kaito bent down in other peoples hugs or holds, it was him mostly being accommodating, bending himself to their guided grip. This time, he found himself moved before he noticed it was happening, Kaito hunched down and looking mildly startled in Ikou’s hold, face ever so slightly flushed by the time the back of his neck was being pet. O…kay.

But it was a reassuring hug, and Kaito eventually relaxed into it, just listening for awhile. He felt a little embarrassed as Ikou reminded him all the people who did like him. Kaito knew… he was just being dramatic and self-pitying, but yeah, that wasn’t fair to all the people who did like him and went out of their way to let him know it. He shouldn’t give blanket statements like that that dismissed his friends. And Yasu…

He understood what Ikou was saying. Genuinely, Kaito suspected that he’d be better off emulating Ikou’s feelings on the matter as much as he could. It sounded more peaceful… but Kaito felt that angry heat twist almost idly in his stomach, present and painful and always screaming for his attention. And he didn’t know if he could ever have that peace that Ikou had. That Yasu had. That Nao had.

Kaito was probably gonna die mad about it.

But… that would calm down, eventually. It seemed to linger on him longer and harsher than it did for most other people, but even his anger cooled and got replaced after awhile. Kaito just wished he had the ability to do it literally in the middle of the moment the anger had started, like everyone else could. No one else needed to walk around with a stupid fucking rock in their pocket, waiting for their next sessions with their anger management therapist…

Still, “You’re not a coot, Ikou.” Kaito said… before admitting, “I don’t entirely know what a ‘coot’ is? But it sounds unflattering. You’re great.”

“Ha!”

That was probably the most open laugh Kaito would’ve ever heard from Ikuo, and the older man slapped Kaito’s back, moving his hand down a bit so Kaito could straighten up if he wanted. Giving Kaito a side eye and his brand of grin, Ikuo tilted his head. “Wha’, I though’ I was in m’ seventies, if in fifty years yer gon’ almost be as old as me. Pfff…”

“Thanks, kid,” he said once he’d calmed, giving Kaito’s back a rub. “You’re great too. Don’ forget it.”

Kaito grinned back, though he did take the opening to straighten back up. Ikou hugs were great, but ow. His back. 

Adjusting his shoulders a little, Kaito nodded, taking another long sip of his almost depleted coffee. “I know I can’t control how anyone else feels. I can barely control how I feel. Me only hurting myself with my anger is a really good day. I get… bitter. And envious. And a little confused, sometimes, how other people just… don’t feel things as strongly as I do? Knowing that the only person suffering from me being angry at people is me doesn’t mean I can turn it off. It just means I’m the only one suffering. End of story. That’s a bitter pill to swallow… but me not liking it never makes it any less true either. Sometimes things just suck and that’s it. There’s nothing more to it.”

“But… I never mean for it to ruin my whole day. Like, I won’t take this back to my partners, if I can help it. And talking to you has really helped with that goal, so, thank you for that.” Kaito said sincerely, giving Ikou an appreciative look, “I never mean to dump all these feelings at anyone’s feet, but I’m always grateful to anyone who will let me when it gets out of hand. Thank you for being patient. I can be a lot sometimes, I know.”

Ikuo nodded sadly, not without sympathy for the situation Kaito was in. Compassion didn’t have to come from a place of knowledge, but understanding did. To offer an actionable advice, someone needed to really understand how Kaito was feeling, and…if all the folks he’d talked to simply didn’t feel things as strongly? Then very little of their advice would be helpful. 

But it still meant they could listen. 

Giving Kaito’s back another pat, Ikuo nodded warmly. “Course, yer my kid; always got patience fer ya. An’...shoot, if yer a handful, then damn, I’ve got two hands. I’m sorry ya had a fight, son, bu’ I’m glad yer feelin’ more on th’ up an’ up now.”

“Ya need a hand gettin’ yer things back home? Or ya gon’ be out a li’l longer?”

“Heh…” Kaito gave Ikou a fond look, before running his hands through his hair a bit. “I promised Shuichi I’d get him more pastries, because I’m a sucker who wants to give my partners high cholesterol, apparently. But after that, I think I should just head home. I know I don’t go out enough to even establish a pattern, but man, leaving the castle and interacting with people always feels like it goes, like, dramatically badly at some point or another. I just… wanna decompress somewhere where I can’t get into any more damn fights with people. I mean, except for my partners. And Maki. I haven't had a fight with my kid in a while, that’s, like… progress. Maybe I’ll go hang out in my shrine. That might be the best idea for a bit. God knows I’m not looking forward to telling Shuichi and Kokichi I got into a damn argument with Yasu… they’re both gonna be disappointed in me…”

Kaito blinked, before giving Ikou a sheepish look. “I don’t suppose you’d be up to making a candy run for the guys so that I could dodge them for another few hours? They’ll riot if they find out I brought him candy and didn’t deliver it right away, and I think keeping it in the same room as an open blood bowl would creep Kokichi out anyway.”

Ikuo really couldn’t believe the chances of Kokichi finding a partner that loved to indulge in sweets as much as he did. Part of him believed that some of that was Kokichi’s influence, but he knew Shuuichi to be more than stubborn enough to have his taste be entirely his own, especially in the face of Kaito trying to encourage round nutrition. 

Ikuo wasn’t thrilled to be the supplier, but…

The older man sighed. “Fer you, I will, as long as ya do talk ta them. An’ I woul’n count my chickens before they hatch on that front either. But I will be buyin’ less, an’ no’ the tooth-rottin’ gub tha’ Bunny usually gets--if they complain, send ‘em my way. You may have a soft spot fer th’ boys, bu’ I’ll go Papa Bear if I gotta.”

Kaito stood up, grabbing his bag and then stretching his arms above his head, popping his back a little before sighing. “Yeah, I will… beyond one or two things that would just stress them out for no benefit, I try not to keep secrets from them, and talking to Yasu, bad or good, would be a big secret. I’ll tell them.”

Kaito laughed at Ikou’s negotiation for running the errand, “Ya know what? Great. You realize I’m gonna be facing those two, a teenager, and a toddler all at once someday, trying to convince anyone to make any healthy food choices? I can use all the backup I can get, it’s gonna be a culinary warzone. But, yeah… thanks Ikou. Let me know if you ever need anything, okay? Even if it's just an extra hand to lift something heavy, I’m at your service. I’ll see you later.”

“See ya ‘round, Kaito.”

-

It had been a nice morning, all things considered. There had been a moment where the waterworks started up, Miyako displeased with how Kokichi had changed her the first time around, but thankfully he could quickly rectify his grave mistake. Then…they had spent a long time sitting by the window, Miyako contently soaking up the sunrays like a cat, while Kokichi spoke softly to her, glancing down frequently to see if he could catch her smiling again. 

He didn’t, but she still seemed happy. 

It was starting to near lunchtime, now, and Kokichi was giving Miyako her last meal with him for the time being before switching off with Shuuichi. Honestly…he was getting a little hungry himself. He hadn’t had much breakfast, and when his dad came to drop off the supply for their sweets drawer instead of Kaito…Kokichi was surprised Ikuo had agreed to it at all. 

Kaito could just be busy--and Kokichi would be excited for that!--but…he still had a worried pit in his stomach. 

“You’re hungry too, huh, Miya-Miya?” Kokichi softly cooed to his daughter, holding her bottle securely as she suckled, not paying him any attention. “You’re getting so biiiiig…getting big and strong, our buff baby. So strong, you can lift your head up all by yourself now.”

Shuichi had been on his way back up from getting food from the dining hall (they didn’t always all eat in their room together, but some days it was just easier to make a run then have one person eat and then relieve the other person from Miya to eat, and that was usually the case when all three of them weren’t there. They were getting to the point where they were discussing bringing Miyako down to meals to help socialize her, but nothing had been decided yet) when he ran into Kaito at the top of the third staircase.

“Oh! Handsome, let me grab that from you.” Kaito insisted.

“You don’t have to, Kaito.” Shuichi said, though he made no other protest as Kaito collected the platters from him, holding a bag of shopping around his elbows as he did so. “You just get back?”

“What, from the market? No, went praying a bit. Wanted to hang out with Atua for awhile.” Kaito explained, heading to their room, “Ask how everyone is, check in on Koh, that sorta thing.”

“I see… Atua answer?” Shuichi asked, giving Kaito a concerned look as he opened the door on his behalf, letting him into the room.

“Ha~ no. Still all clear! So that’s good.” Kaito said, sounding distracted as he peered over at Kokichi and Miyako eating at the window, “Have we had a good morning? Miyako was good for daddy?”

Kokichi looked up, his heart easing and alighting with fondness as he saw his partners--and the food in Kaito’s hands. Looked like…panzanella salad and…some kind of meat. Could be steak, could be lamb or goat…some kind of red meat anyway. And slices of cantaloupe! 

“Someone~” he sang, looking down at Miyako fondly, “Is getting opinions about diaper folding methods~ But we managed to work out our differences. She gurgled a bit for my dad when he stopped by, so she’s already flexing those social skills.”

Kokichi looked up again, smiling softly at his partners. “How was the market? And Nini?”

“Nini is good. He was really active today. Wanted to explore the office more than anything, so I spent some time watching him climb the desk and chair.” Shuichi said, going to collect his portions of the meal when Kaito put the platter down. “It was fun.”

Kaito gave Shuichi a wary look at that, but his repulsion at Nini had calmed down a little, since he had gotten it for him. He still wasn’t entirely certain what had jumpstarted it so hard. Maybe just the idea of Shuichi, like… being pregnant and being near a snake had been a little too much for Kaito to handle. A non-pregnant Shuichi being around Nini didn’t freak him out nearly as much, though, again, he had no idea why.

“The market was fine. Bought some outfits. Also! ‘Kichi, beyond eating some dope, cinnamon covered breakfast, do you have anything planned for lunch time on your birthday?” Kaito asked, getting his own meal– definitely goat. Kaito would recognize goat meat a mile away, they were easy to take care of in Luminary’s climate– and going to sit on the bed as he looked at Miyako fondly. Aw. Already getting strong opinions on her clothes. That’s his girl.

“Aw, that sounds like it was really cute,” Kokichi laughed. “I can imagine it’s more tempting to get out and explore now, while the weather’s warm than it’d be in winter. I wonder if sweaters for snakes are a thing…” They’d probably be more like an open-ended sock, admittedly. But it was nice that Nini was getting to sate some of his curiosity in a safe, comfortable environment. 

Smiling at the mention of Kaito really having gone clothes shopping, Kokichi had wanted to ask for a fashion show--probably after they were all done with lunch--but the question Kaito immediately launched into caught him a little off-guard. Kokichi blinked, looking surprised. “Uh…not really, I guess. I think I was just planning on getting whatever was being served downstairs?”

Kokichi looked a bit sheepish then, shrugging though his hold on Miyako and her bottle was steady. “Everyone’s gonna be really busy preparing for Zenith the next day, I’m not really expecting anything.”

“Good! I mean, not that you weren’t expecting anything, that’s stupid and dumb and obviously not gonna happen–”

Shuichi rolled his eyes, “Kaito, don’t call Kokichi stupid and dumb.”

“I didn't! Just that particular idea. Anyway, I’m stealing you for lunch. Shuichi, I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to bring a bunch of people…”

Shuichi waved his hand idly, “All is forgiven so long as you tell me immediately what you’re planning. Otherwise I don’t love you anymore.”

“Deal!” 

Kaito rushed over to Shuichi at the desk, whispering in his ear…

Shuichi nodded, “Perfect. I approve. All is forgiven, I’ll watch Miyako.”

“Thank you, handsome.” Kaito grinned, giving him a quick kiss before heading back to bed.

Kokichi gave a slightly dry look to Kaito but just shrugged. He knew how these things went. It was nice that anyone went out of their way to wish him a happy birthday at all when things were so busy, let alone the few gifts he tended to find on his bed at the end of the day. 

…he should see if his father was planning anything. Nothing big, obviously, he knew how busy Aiichi was but…even with Kokichi’s own busy-ness with Miyako, they had kept up their game nights and tea breaks. 

That was one thing he appreciated about Aiichi--he should tell his father some time. Especially when Kokichi was really little, but…every year. Kokichi knew how much the anniversary of his mother’s death weighed on Aiichi, but…his father had never put that weight onto him on his birthday. Maybe they could try stargazing together again, pull out one of Miyako Sr.’s journals. Kokichi would like to hear more stories about his mother. 

Kokichi raised an eyebrow, not really sure what Kaito could be planning that not many people could go, even their partner, but…Shuuichi seemed to approve, so he supposed he’d be surprised. “Ooooookay. Guess I’ll just be kept in anticipation ‘til the day.”

“Mmmph!”

Glancing down at the huff, Kokichi smiled softly and moved Miyako’s bottle away, the baby finished with her lunch in all manners. “Alright, alright, you’re done. Oooo~kay Mi~yaaa~ Let’s settle your tummy then you can rest, yeah?”

“Pfff. Fussy baby.” Kaito teased her gently, looking fondly over at the window before tucking into his food.

After a bit, Shuichi started talking about some reading he had done that day and a visit he had gotten from Maki and Timothy, who were apparently spending the day together. Shuich had been reading a lot of fantasy lately. He poured over that book of mystical creatures, way more than Kokichi did, and it was Kokichi who had wanted the book in the first place. Shuichi was obsessed with it though, and seemed to be reading through it page by page, rather than skimming through monsters he thought were interesting, which was likely the point of the book. Kaito was happy that it had caught Shuichi’s interest so much, but was still a little surprised by it. 

Especially when Shuichi took certain aspects of the fantasy super seriously, like– “There’s definitely author biases in this thing, which means you can’t take every entry as an end-all, be-all. There’s certain creatures and beings he seems to hold a reverence, almost faith-like admiration for, and others that he dismisses as almost universally animalistic and stupid in one sentence and then discussing their complex social communities and technology in the next. Like, he seems entirely unaware of the obvious contradictions there. And he clearly fetishes’s some of them too, which I don’t even know where to begin breaking down that one. His weird relationship with sirens, for instance–”

“Mmhm.” Kaito hummed, nodding along as he ate, barely hearing it. Wondering… when he should bring up the Yusa thing…

Burping Miya--not too much baby spit, yay!--and wiping himself down after he put her down, Kokichi returned to the window seat, eagerly tucking into his food. It seemed like the bread in the salad were leftovers from the baguettes they’d had with dinner the night before--perfectly chewy and a great vessel for keeping texture even after soaking in the…did it count as a vinaigrette here? Kokichi wasn’t sure. 

But arguing the artistic (journalistic) integrity of the field manual was much more interesting than arguing culinary definitions, at least right now. 

“Oh, I know what you mean,” Kokichi nodded. “Since I’d just flipped to the page randomly when I checked it out with the kids, I didn’t notice it at first, but…it’s weird, compared to a lot of the other entries, right? And I don’t agree with the idea that they’re just…a feral people--they may not choose to interact with other cultures, but that’s still a choice. If there ever was a siren that wanted to learn more about other cultures, I’m sure they’d be able to learn.”

With a bit of a suffering look, Kokichi sighed. “Have you gotten to read the entry on Cervidae ‘taurs yet? I find the intent a little insulting to compare them to satyrs just ‘cause they have similar looking animal-bits. If you compared it to the rest of the themes for other peoples, then there would be no reason to think they wouldn’t have completely different cultures and lives. And comparing a people to an animal species seems like its whoooole own set of biases.”

“Mmhm.” Kaito hummed, nodding along. “Especially when it’s people you consider sexy that you’re trying to demean to animals. All sorts of issues there.”

“He does that with a few different sections so far. He has a weird bias against really tiny people? Like pixies and fairies, leprechauns and elementals? Tinier they are, the more ‘tricky’ they are, as a rule of thumb. Either every hand to toddler sized person is a mean little bastard as a species, or the author has just a weird superiority complex against little people but couldn’t find enough evidence of them being stupid to justify it.” Shuichi said, he and Maki having talked about this at length already. Shuichi was determined to learn as much about the magical world as he could by this point, and had sat down with Nadya to confirm certain things and debunk others. 

Shuichi had no idea what he was going to do with all this info. But not knowing when it would come in handy was never a deterer to him before, and it wasn’t one now. Knowledge was never a bad thing.

“Tiny people are probably just like anyone else. Is being tiny sexy? I guess tiny people are sexy to some people. Shuichi, you remember Elsa?”

“”Who?”

“Elsa? Round glasses, braids, orange hair? Cute button nose?”

“I think so,” Shuichi said, remembering a creepy girl who always sat in the back corners and was aggressively introverted, often bluntly and awkwardly rejecting all attempts to talk to her. He remembered vaguely Kaito would sometimes sit with her and watch her draw, though what fun Kaito had gotten out of it eluded Shuichi, the two never seeming to talk much. “What about her?”

Kaito shrugged, “She liked tiny people. It’s why she came to mind. I’d like to think she wouldn’t eat them for real though.”

“What?”

“She liked to eat tiny people. Or the visual of it anyway.”

“...oh.” Shuichi said, wrinkling up his nose slightly, “Weird.”

Kaito shrugged, not arguing. 

“I don’t think a sexiness appeal is really a useful way to judge anything,” Kokichi hummed, having nodded along with Kaito’s idea that tiny people were probably just people. “There’s always going to be someone who’s into something. If a concept exists, there’s someone out there that gets hot from it. Does make it real awkward though when you can find out what an author is into by their writing.”

“...I wonder where the idea of fae being tricksters came from, though. That’s a pretty common idea in just…regular lore. Or Dicean lore, I guess,” Kokichi amended. “Like there’s always the idea of fae spiriting people away and that you should never give them your true name ‘cause you’ll be stuck in the fae realm or, like, as a donkey forever. I dunno what the point of all that would be outside of fairytales though.”

“Maybe just confirmation bias?” Shuichi asked, chewing on his fork a little, lost in thought, “Those sort of stories become popular, get stuck in peoples minds, so even if its not the ‘rule’, when it does happen it gets spread around like wildfire because its what people have come to expect anyway? Mind you, fairies do have some really strict culture rules that, if you can’t navigate around it, probably would feel like you were constantly being tricked if you just ran into them by mistake.”

“Mmhm,” Kaito said, before throwing in randomly, “So, heh, no big deal, but speaking of running into people by mistake… um… so, it’s probably fine, probably, but I may have… gotten into an argument at the market.”

Shuichi sighed, “Kaito…”

“With Yasu Todoa.”

That seemed reasonable. There were a lot of stories, not just folk or fiction, that spread around not because they were correct, but because they were popular. Kokichi had read more than his fair share of historical exposees of pissed historians trying to right popular myths. 

Kokichi was getting…a sort of weird vibe from Kaito, and when he mentioned getting into a fight at the market, Kokichi frowned in concern, about to ask if Kaito was alright (and then he’d find out about the other people later) but…

Kokichi sat up, his eyes going wide. “...yeah? Is everything okay?”

“I mean, yes, everything is okay… like, it’s not like there’s a lot that could be un-okay about it… I didn’t hit her.” Kaito said, suddenly looking a little defensive, his shoulder raising slightly as he insisted, “She’s fine, I didn’t do anything.”

Shuichi had gone quiet, gently pushing the food around on his plate now, “...was she alone?”

“Yeah.”

“I see.” Shuichi adjusted his hat slightly, before saying almost dismissively, “How did you manage to get into a fight with her? I’m surprised you managed to get more than a few words in before she ran off. She’s not exactly social. Did you start with a fight?”

“No! I asked her for directions, I didn’t know who she was. But then your mentors– oh, the mentors are back from their trip, by the way– saw us and… we really need to talk to them. Make sure they’re on the same page as us about not, like… getting vengeance and all that stuff. I don’t know what they know, but they knew who Yasu was.”

Shuichi sighed. 

Kokichi held a hand up placatingly, not having meant to accuse Kaito of anything. …yeah, he was, in a gut-reaction, a little worried about Kaito being the one to come at Yasu, but…he trusted Kaito. These days, even in a plausible worst case, he didn’t believe that Kaito would physically attack her. 

But there were a lot of other things that could go wrong. 

Adding in the mentors was a whole ‘nother layer. 

Echoing Shuuichi’s sigh, Kokichi rubbed the bridge of his nose for a moment before tiredly looking up at Kaito. “I also meant, like…are you okay. I can’t imagine a regular conversation between you would’ve been nice, let alone a fight… Do you wanna talk about it?”

Kaito relaxed slightly, looking sheepish. “Oh, um… yeah, I’m fine. Honestly, it was barely even a fight, like… we said maybe two things to each other, total. I did, like… insult her or something as one of those two things. I told her to fix her posture. But, like… aggressively. She got defensive and walked off. It all literally took, like, less than a minute.”

“What did you both actually say?” Shuichi asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kaito still wanted to argue that it didn’t matter, but, well, “I told her I wasn’t going to respect her if she didn’t respect herself, based on the whole posture thing. She told me to die mad about it… oh, and…” Kaito hesitated, looking nervously at Shuichi, “...um, and she let me know that you should expect a gift on your birthday, Kokichi. So, just so you know.”

If Shuich had any feelings about that, they didn’t show in his face. He just drank some water.

…if the situation around it wasn’t, yanno, a nightmare, Kokichi would’ve laughed. Yasu seemed like a total doormat of a person if you didn’t know her well, but…there was a reason people really started to cast out ideas about demeanor in court after Yasu got barred. If the sweaty woman in tears with a wobbly voice could win cases with a 15-0 decision, then people being visibly nervous or scared really had no impact as to whether they were guilty or not. 

If Kaito was holding his respect as collateral, Kokichi really couldn’t see her reacting in any other way. 

But…he really didn’t care about the posture thing. 

Kokichi’s face fell as Kaito mentioned…a birthday present. His gaze went away and hardened, his lips pressing together. …what. He still… But after all this, they were just going to…give him something? Like everything was normal? Like she hadn’t…

Kokichi let out a deep breath all at once, not realizing he’d been holding his breath. “...thanks for letting me know.”

Kaito nodded weakly. “Yeah, course… um, so… uh…” Kaito looked between the both of them, rubbing his arm a little, “Do… either of you have any feelings on all of that or…?”

Shuichi sighed. “I don’t know. How am I supposed to feel? What do you expect?”

“I don’t know… this is a woman you have a lot of history with! Both of you! I assume.” Kaito said, giving Kokichi an imploring look as he said, “It feels unlikely you don’t know her well, Kokichi. And Shuichi… fuck, handsome, she…”

Shuichi gave Kaito a curious look, before his eyes narrowed. “She what? What did you not want to say?”

“...she embarrassed you.” Kaito said, his face hardening. “She treated you badly and then when you were clearly unhinged she let you wander back out onto the street to get fucking kidnapped. And that’s just what she did–”

“Shut up, Kaito.” Shuichi said softly. “You weren’t there. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What do you mean, I don’t know what I’m talking about!? What am I getting wrong about this?”

“I embarrassed myself, she just had to bore through it. If anything I embarrassed her. Is that why you made fun of her posture? Because you think I should feel embarrassed by her?”

“I… no, don’t say it like that…”

Kokichi sighed and put his hands over his face, raking his fingers through his hair a little. “...it feels selfish, but I’m more bothered by the idea that they’re planning on sending me a birthday present than I am about you two bumping into each other and getting snippy with each other.”

Sitting back up, Kokichi ran one hand more firmly through his hair before dropping his hands back in his lap, fixing Kaito with a tired, dry frown. “Just ‘cause we have history doesn’t mean I have a clear way to feel. I’m pissed at Nao. I’m hurt. And Yasu…she’d probably be relieved to hear I don’t really care much at all about her right now. I don’t care to hear her reasons for what she did or why she’s chosen to stay with Nao. She’s just…a person I don’t want to talk to right now.”

“I can’t speak for Shuu-chan, but I know you care about her more than I do right now, Kai-chan.”

Kaito winced, gripping his plate uncomfortably. Yeah, if that wasn’t the theme of his life. Endlessly wondering if he was the one blowing everything out of proportion. And often finding the answer was yes. Ugh.

“... do you want me to tell them not to send a gift?” Kaito asked, knowing as he said it that it was a stupid thing to answer, but feeling compelled to try to offer a solution to a problem he was aware likely didn’t have one. “I can go talk to them. Say no gift… okay, can I ask? What is, like, our feelings, collectively, on the Nao/Yasu situation? Cause I’ve been going based on the idea that both of you are going to, like… wanna reconcile someday. Is that happening?”

“I’ve already reconciled with Yasu.” Shuichi reminded him, “I apologized, she apologized, we moved on. Yasu’s harmless. And if she didn’t do a good job helping me, well…” Shuichi shrugged, “I was never her responsibility in the first place. She didn’t need to. I was just a stranger that walked into her office and stripped in front of her, she didn’t owe me anything. She was probably terrified of me. Kokichi’s right, out of everyone, you’re the only one with an issue with her now.”

…did he?

(...there was a deep part in his heart that was aching, and that part was growing the more he thought about this. He had never gotten to reconcile with Nao--and while they had never been as close, Yasu either--with his personal familial issues, but…he knew that she had loved him. Because he had loved her. And while betrayal hurt like a barbed knife in the gut…those feelings didn’t just go away. And hers likely didn’t through her guilt.)

(She still loved him, and wanted to make sure he was loved on a day that had always been difficult for him.)

(It hurt.)

(It wasn’t quite like they were doing it like nothing had happened. Nao wasn’t coming back to the castle, and Kokichi had refused to seek her out. In part, nothing had happened because he refused to let it.)

(...he just wanted his aunt back. The person he had thought she was before. Had that person ever existed?)

Kokichi blinked, scowling as he felt his eyes burning, a few tears falling down his face. “...someday. Maybe. I dunno.”

“Aw, geez…” Kaito murmured, putting aside his plate and getting up, heading over to Kokichi, “dammit, I didn’t mean to… do you want a hug?”

Kokichi sniffed and wiped his face, letting out a breath. “...sure…”

Shaking his head a little, Kokichi sighed. “S’not your fault, hun. It just…sucks. It all sucks. Asking for my stance…I dunno. Treat ‘em like strangers if you’re not sure. …you sure you’re okay?”

“Nah, I’m not okay.” Kaito shrugged, sitting next to Kokichi and putting his arms around him, pulling him into a hug, “My husband and boyfriend both have complicated relationships with mean women and I want to fix it and there’s literally nothing I can do but be mean to those same mean women, which doesn’t help anything. And also usually just blows up in my face and does nothing to them anyway.”

“What are you always hoping it’ll do?” Shuichi asked. Looking just… idle. Almost apathetic. “You keep trying it. What do you keep hoping will happen?”

“...” Kaito rubbed Kokichi’s arms, holding him tight around the waist with his other one, “...I don’t know. Maybe they’ll feel bad if I get mean enough. Maybe they’ll become better people if I intimidate them. Maybe they’ll show an ounce of regret… it never works.” Kaito said dryly, a dark look coming over his face, “I keep trying it thinking ‘maybe this time’, but no. No one respects me like that here. It didn’t even really work back home either. I can’t brute force anyone to not be shitty to me or mine.”

“Hm,” Shuichi nodded, “... I don’t know if I want to reconcile with Nao. I didn’t know her before any of this happened. But I know I don’t want her life to be worse because of me. I don’t think she deserves it. She was a monster to me, but… she did it to help me. Or at least tried to. And that makes me furious sometimes, and makes me hate her sometimes… but it’s not the kind of hate that makes me feel vengeful. It’s the kind of hate that makes me want to yell at her sometimes. But not ruin her life. So… if you’re wondering how I feel about it? That’s how I feel, Kaito.”

Kokichi tucked his face into Kaito’s shoulder, focusing in on the presence of his husband to center himself. He still…hadn’t exactly made much progress on processing his feelings around Nao. So…it still hurt to even think about her. He really needed to get on that. 

“...in my experience, being mean to someone doesn’t make them better. It usually just makes them meaner.” Still, Kokichi muttered that with a sigh, his voice flat. 

He could guess why Yasu stuck around. If he was feeling betrayed, he couldn’t imagine how Nao’s wife felt. He knew that Nao had been telling her some of what went on but…who knew the extent? He also knew that Yasu knew what a damn mess Nao was but…still. 

Whatever her feelings there…it wasn’t like Nao really had anyone else. The people in the castle had been her family after the riots, and if she separated from them then…there was only Yasu left. And Yasu did tend to put herself in spots she didn’t want for people who needed someone. 

It didn’t inspire much sympathy from Kokichi, still. 

Kokichi looked over to Shuuichi as he spoke, nodding softly. He knew he wasn’t ready to confront her, but…someday Shuuichi did need to talk to her. To get answers for himself and…maybe really close that chapter of his life. As much as it could be closed.

“...I just don’t understand how you guys can feel that way.” Kaito admitted, still holding Kokichi tight, wanting to be a reassuring presence but… well, like he had told Waku. He just didn’t seem to have it in him these days to keep his shit to himself. It just poured out of him these days. All this damn ‘communicate’ shit from his therapists getting to him. “Yasu told me Nao was still living in the city and just hearing that made me want to scream. I’m so angry. At them. At all of them…”

“You know exactly how we feel, Kaito.” Shuichi said, finishing his food and putting it aside. “You deal with it every day with Maki.”

“I… that’s not the sa–”

“It is. Maki was incredibly cruel to you. She did something horrible to you, and you want to scream at her sometimes. But you never want to make her life worse, and even talking to her about what upsets you is hard, because you’re struggling to say it in a way that won’t be… too much. For you or for her. That’s how I feel about Nao.” Shuichi said, before nodding to Kokichi, “And how Kokichi feels… well, you’re not exactly talking to Byakuya, anymore. I can’t speak for either of you. But if I had to guess… those feelings are similar. You get it. Just respect that we can’t change how we feel any more than you can change how you feel.”

There just…wasn’t any logic to it. It was pure emotion and…where there wasn’t comparison, it was hard to understand.

…but there was a comparison. 

Kokichi’s lips scrunched in like he’d eaten something sour, knowing how…difficult things were with Maki, thinking about what exactly she’d done from Kaito’s point of view, but he let out a little puff of air when Shuuichi mentioned Byakuya, looking angry for a moment before he just looked a little put out. 

“...I mean, I wouldn’t mind if he kept, like, stubbing his toes on tables ‘n shit. Forever. But…yeah.” Kokichi sighed, pressing his head back against Kaito. “...even with all the shit he did…I don’t wish ill-will on your brother. I hope he and Marigold and Theor are alright in their lives. Even if I do wish I could get in a good one-two on Byakuya.”

“I… don’t… hate Byakuya,” Kaito said, wincng as it felt like a lie on his tongue. He… didn’t think he hated Byakuya… he just… hated all the things he did. And how he acted. And how he didn’t seem to feel bad for any of it. And how he murdered their pare– “He… just…”

As Kaito trailed off, Shuichi gave him a dry look… before saying to Kokichi, “Oh, look. You and Kaito have the exact same amount of things to say about Byakuya and Nao, respectively. That’s probably coping.”

Kokichi grimaced. Touché.

But then he sighed, competition demanding he defend himself, explain how he at least admitted he was hurt and angry, but…

“...how the hell does it work out that mourning the idea of a person feels just as bad as someone dying, just with the, fucking, added bonus of betrayal?” Kokichi asked softly, glaring at the wall. “I know the way to…find out if that person had existed at all is to talk to her, but…the idea of having a conversation with her right now makes me sick. I don’t want to hear what she has to say, even if she has worked on herself a lot. I haven’t worked on me enough to want to let it go.”

Shuichi nodded, glaring at the wall… before getting up from his chair. Grabbing a pillow from the bed. Throwing it on the ground and laying down, flat on his back.

After a moment he huffed and pushed the pillow aside too, before changing his mind and grabbing it, hugging it to himself and glaring at the ceiling. 

“I just want her to fucking say to my face that she was wrong.” He snapped at the ceiling. “I want to know she knows she was wrong. And why she was wrong. And I want her to admit I wasn’t fucking stupid and I didn’t deserve that.”

Kaito peered down at him. “...Shuichi. Handsome. Do you want us to join you?”

“I don’t care.”

“...” Kaito shrugged, gave Kokichi a kiss on his temple, and went to go lay down next to Shuichi, sort of fanned out a little, keeping his head close but giving Shuichi a little space as he stared at their ceiling too, “...ya know, if you squint, sometimes you can see stars on the ceiling in, like, really good light?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah… hey, babe?” Kaito peered up at Kokichi, “Think, uh… think Smug Rabbit would help?”

Kokichi watched Shuuichi with a quiet sort of curiosity as he made a spot for himself on the ground, before… …yeah. That would be nice. It…it didn’t help answer the question of why she had done something so horrific and wrong to someone who had desperately needed help and support, and…right now, the answer of, ‘it was a mistake’ just…didn’t feel like enough. 

Mistakes were supposed to be accidentally taking a sip of paint water instead of your drinking water. Calling someone a bitch while you were having an argument and you were caught up in the heat of the moment. Adding an extra zero to a financial report. 

Not consistently for a week abusing and manipulating someone in secret while they were on drugs no one knew anything about that could kill them. 

Maybe one day he’d want her answer for that. But…it was still a ways out for him. 

Sighing, Kokichi headed over to the closet, and after a moment of rifling around, he came out with his bunny plush. He made his way over to his partners, lying down on the ground on Shuuichi’s other side. 

“...I think I’ll see what they do for my birthday. Then… I might write a letter.”

“What kind of present could possibly make this better?” Kaito grumbled.

“What would you do if Byakuya sent you literally anything?”

“I…” Kaito frowned… before glaring at the ceiling, “He better not.”

“Really?”

“Really. You know he fucking hung up on me? The last time we talked? He told me he wanted to disown me, he wanted to disown Miyako, had the nerve to make it sound like I should be grateful, and then hung up on me when I called him out on it. Fucking…” Kaito’s eyes burned red lightly, “... I fucking spent, like, no joke five minutes just talking at the wall, pretending like he was still there. Like he’d ever fucking listen to anything I’d say. It was humiliating. How could he do that to me? How do you do that to someone you love!?”

“It’d make me question if he loved you.” Shuichi said dryly, before saying, “What would you write in your letter?”

“Me?”

“Kokichi.”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense.”

It wasn’t about a present. Or about his birthday, really. He just…wanted to see what they thought was appropriate. If they were planning to send some idle whimsy like it was any other year, something he’d like to try and gain favor. If they would mention what happened at all, or would just do the bare minimum acknowledgement of anything. 

He supposed…he just wanted to get a glimpse of who they were these days without having to make himself vulnerable. It wasn’t fair, but…what she had done wasn’t fair. 

“...what a fucking asshole…” Kokichi grumbled, wishing once again a thousand papercuts on Byakuya’s hands. Honestly…in any of their definitions of love, Byakuya didn’t measure up. He couldn’t even measure up against the idea of compassion. Or basic respect for other people. In some cases…he really wished he had been left worse off after being ousted, but it was only the fact that Kokichi did truly wish happiness for Marigold and Theor that Byakuya got lumped in. The weakest link, truly. 

Huffing, Kokichi just waited a few more moments before sighing more fully. “...I’d say how much she hurt me. Explain how angry I am. There’d…probably be something dependant on what they thought was appropriate for contacting me now, after so much silence. Then…I don’t know. Prolly get mad and outline absurd things Nao would have to do to even come close to proving herself to not be an absolute monster. Maybe send another letter after that apologizing for that part, but make sure it’s clear I’m still mad.”

“...just…” Kokichi’s gaze at the ceiling softened, though there was no peace in it. “...all the things I should’ve said when we found out, but I was too blindsided to think.”

“Not like she gave you a chance.” Shuichi said grimly, “She came. She took my virginity and gave me some of the worst memories of my life. And then, poof~” Shuichi waggled his fingers through the air, “She vanished. While I was still fucking… in love with her.”

“Ngh,” Kaito winced, his stomach twisting at that, “You know, I was worried you’d cheat on us with her? Or at least try to. The thought made me nauseous.”

“Don’t worry. I’m sure the thought made her nauseous too.” Shuichi said dryly, “I don’t ever want Byakuya back in our life. He’s a nightmare human being. I never want to see him again in my life, and I don’t want Miyako to ever meet him.”

Kaito curled his arms around his stomach. “...no.” He said weakly.

“Why not?”

“Because I love him.”

“Why?”

“Because he loved me.” Kaito said softly, “And I just… wish he was different. I wish he was the person I thought he was. I miss him. I’m not mourning him, I don’t even feel betrayed. Because half the time… most of the time I can’t even remember my parents are dead, let alone Byakuya killed them. It doesn’t feel real. My brother, the person I knew…he wouldn’t do that. It’s just this fake thing everyone keeps telling me happened… I never saw their bodies. I don’t even know where their tomb is. I don’t even know how my mother died. And no one else reacted.” Kaito said, eyes widening slightly, hugging himself tighter as he said, his voice slightly manic, “One guy said one mean thing and I fucking killed him for it. Or, he died eventually, because it happened. And there was a letter inviting me to their funeral. And that’s it. A piece of paper that invited me to a ceremony I had no hopes of getting too, and one mean guy saying one mean thing. That’s it, that’s all my proof. Maybe it didn’t happen. Maybe they’re fine and none of it happened.”

“... you don’t actually believe that, do you?” Shuichi asked gently. 

“No,” Kaito said, his eyes burning, vision blurring, “Of course not… I just keep forgetting. It doesn’t feel real. That’s all.”

Kokichi squeezed his plush, holding it over his face. Despite everything, despite Byakuya actually doing things to Kaito, rather than the hurt Kokichi had only by association, Kaito still loved Byakuya. And…Kaito already had so few people in his life, Kokichi could barely even bear to think that Kaito’s allegation that Byakuya had loved him was wrong. 

If anything…Byakuya had loved Kaito like a person loved a nice table. As an object that belonged to him. 

And…it was only the fact that he had killed their parents that sent Kaito over the edge. Not all the abuse and disregard and just…cruelty over the years. And because his parents deaths didn’t feel real…Byakuya being the giant monster he was didn’t feel real either. 

Quietly, Kokichi got up and circled around to lie back down next to Kaito, lying on his side to put an arm around his husband. 

(...it was really depressing to think that…the one person in the castle that might be able to genuinely empathize with Kaito was…someone Kaito hated. Aiichi. Because…he said that Kaito’s parents had been his friends. And while the betrayal of a fifteen year war might’ve tempered those feelings…if there was anyone there who had ever felt anything positive for Leon and Sayaka, who would feel grief from their deaths, it was Aiichi.

But Kaito wouldn’t go to talk to him. And anything Aiichi said likely would just make Kaito feel worse.)

“...would you rather just forget?”

“What?” Kaito asked, glancing over at Kokichi as he sidled against him, Shuichi scooting closer at his other side. A few tears leaking out as he laughed weakly, “Forget my parents are dead? Or that Byakuya killed them?”

“Either.” Shuichi said on his other side, as Kaito went back to looking at the ceiling, peering for stars that were barely there.

“...no. Of course not.” Kaito said softly, “I… spent so long with this… cotton. In my head. All the time. That’s only recently gone away. Like… the last six months, maybe. Maybe it was a side effect of being on the spores my… whole life. I guess. Or maybe it was the conditioning that… my brother definitely, knowingly gave me.” Kaito whispered, exhaustion lining his face, “I never noticed it, before it went away. I mean… I knew something was wrong. I’m not stupid. I knew there was something off about how I thought about things. That there were things I couldn’t think about, or talk about, without going through some stupid loophole… I knew, okay? I just didn’t realize how all encompassing it was. Until it went away.”

“...sometimes I only feel like I became a person not that long ago.” Kaito whispered, “Which isn’t true. It’s not. I’ve always been a person, with my own thoughts, and my own feelings, and my own reasons… but the cotton feeling made everything so hard. Like… like I was locked inside myself. A real person who couldn’t quite… reach… outside of myself. Was never entirely in control.”

“I’d never go back to that.” Kaito said, “I’d never give up any more pieces of myself. Or bury myself under any more cotton. I was happy in the cotton feeling, but that’s not worth it. Trust me, it’s not.”

“...what about you guys?” Kaito asked, “Would you forget? If you could?”

“I’ve thought about it.” Shuichi admitted softly. “My memories of Nao make me hate myself. They make me feel like dirt. I’m embarrassed every time they come to mind… but a part of me wishes I remembered them clearer. I want to dissect them. Deconstruct them. I don’t want to be embarrassed anymore. I wish they only made me angry.”

(...breaking conditioning was supposed to give a person control of themselves again. It wasn’t making them anything new, or that they hadn’t been before. It was just…giving them the ability to choose.)

(It felt like some monolog from a villain Kokichi would despise--there’s fear in autonomy. But…seeing Shuuichi and Maki, seeing Kaito… If a person had never had a choice, how were they supposed to know how to do it? Even Maki, who had fought against everything, didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t as simple as just saying ‘be free’.)

(And yet…while a caged bird may not know how to fly, may fear heights, they wouldn’t choose to return to the cage.)

Kokichi squeezed Kaito a little tighter. Wishing there were better answers for everything. Wishing more people played by the rules. 

“...no,” Kokichi said, muffled into his rabbit. “As much as I wish things could go back to how they were before… She still did all those things. And now that I know, I’ll never forget.”

“...I won’t forget what Tom and Itch did. I won’t forget what Aba did. I won’t forget that asshole who told me I was going to die when I was 15.” Kokichi squeezed his eyes shut. “All those things are a part of me now, and I won’t lose them. And I won’t let the universe forget that those things happened, even if I one day forgive. People get to be forgiven, but their records don’t get to be erased.”

“Eugh. Tom, Itch and Aba… what trash people.” Kaito mumbled, “And that asshole healer deserves a solid punch to the face.”

“Yeah…” Shuichi looked up at the ceiling. He doubted he’d ever forgive Tom, Itch and Aba for what they did. For all of it. But they were all far away and not a danger to him anymore, and when Shuichi stopped to think about them, which he very rarely did, he always felt a little better to think, well… maybe they were having, just, a terrible day. No one could prove to him they weren’t. Maybe they were miserable. Why should he bother to believe otherwise?

It made him feel a little better, even if he knew it was a bit petty.

“...so. Now that we’ve all said some variation of ‘I’ll never ruin the life of the person the rest of you hate’...” Shuichi gave them an amused glance, “If you were gonna ruin their life? How would you do it?”

“...you promise to tell me yours if I tell you mine?” Kaito grumbled, “Kokchi doesn’t have to play, but I’m not saying mine if you’re gonna say nothing and leave me looking like an angry psychopath.”

“I’ll say mine.”

“... Byakuya’s really vain.” Kaito said, “He’s as vain as I am, appearance wise. I remember when he was a teenager he’d look in the mirror and admire his teeth a lot. He has great teeth… I’d fucking punch all his teeth out and break his nose. Maybe give him a lazy eye. He’d never fucking be able to look at himself again in the mirror without remembering how fucking pissed I am at him… and I’d take Marigold and Theor. He doesn’t get to have a family. He’s already destroyed one, why should he get more?” Kaito grumbled. “If we’re talking ruining his life? Well… that’s as far as I’d go, anyway.”

“You shouldn’t knock his teeth out completely. Makes them easier to replace. Leave him with chipped teeth.” Shuichi said, “That’ll be harder to fix.”

“True… you?”

“Mmmm… if she hadn’t done it to herself, I would maybe have said lose her her job and all of her hard work and success. Careers mean a lot to people, and that woman has so much pride. She’s so fucking smug… if I was being my cruelest? And things had been different? I’d have blackmailed her. Threatened to tell her wife what happened, threatened to tell Aiichi, tell everyone, what she did to me. Not for anything specifically, just to… hold it over her. For the rest of her life. Leave her wondering if any day, every day, was going to be the day I ruined everything by telling everyone… make her a paranoid, anxiety ridden mess… too bad she did it to herself.” Shuichi rolled his eyes.

“Long game. I like it. Maybe not violent enough for me, but I get it.” Kaito mused, before glancing at Kokichi, “...we freaking you out, beautiful? I’m sorry, we can be… kinda the worst, sometimes.”

Kokichi smiled weakly as Shuuichi proposed the game, then a little more as Kaito pre-emptively said he didn’t have to play. Kokichi just…wasn’t a vengeful person. The most vengeful he was was towards Byakuya, and even those fantasies started and ended with minor inconveniences before he ran out of steam. 

…vanity, huh? Kokichi couldn’t really say what Byakuya would consider ugly or not, but…well, that was a new thing to mentally curse him with. …he did hope the haunting fear of being a terrible father would always haunt him, though for no harm or fallout from that to come upon Theor. Really…Kaito was right. Byakuya didn’t deserve to have a ‘re-do’. 

And…Shuuichi was right. All the things that would hurt Nao most, she’d taken upon herself. To some extent, that spoke to her character about how much she regretted it, but…the culminations of those feelings likely wouldn’t set in until he saw how miserable she was. 

(He had, though. But he had run before he could really see it.)

Kokichi registered Kaito asking if he was alright with this conversation, but…something had been stirred in him. Flopping back onto his back, Kokichi put an arm partially over his eyes and glared at the ceiling. 

“...Tengan’s already living his ruinous life, and it’s worse than anything I’d ever be able to bring myself to do. Being erased and having that new person in your body undo your horrible life’s work…isn’t fair to them, but I can’t really bring myself to care.”

“...uh?” Kaito said, looking to Kokichi. “Huh?”

Shuichi’s eyes went so wide that for a second it felt like they were going to pop out of his skull. What? WHAT? Uh. Was this good or bad!? Uh… UM! Was he supposed to encourage this or cover it up!? He hadn’t talked to Dream Kokichi since he had asked for ideas about his meditation room! What was the game plan!?

But as Shuichi’s mind raced as he debated to himself if he was meant to try to suppress this or encourage it, Kaito shifted onto his arm, holding himself up by it and looking down at Kokichi in concern… before putting his hand on Kokichi’s forehead. “...’Kichi, let me get you some water and we’ll talk about what you just said, kay?” Kaito said gently, not feeling a fever, but still concerned, “Everything’s okay~ but I want you to drink more water first.”

…

…

…hm. 

What?

Kokichi looked up at Kaito without really processing him, nodding slightly at the idea of getting water, but…

…huh. 

So Tengan… He couldn’t tell them about Temp. There were some secrets he just had to keep as a…

As a…

He knows ‘cause…

“...I’m an Empath.”

It was said bluntly, airly, like Kokichi himself wasn’t really…getting all that that meant. 

But it was true. He was.

“Uh huh. Just give me one second, beautiful.” Kaito said, going to fill Kokichi’s cup with fresh water from the bathroom sink, “One second!”

Shuichi sat up, watching Kaito disappear into the bathroom… before quickly scooting over to Kokichi, taking his face into his hands like Maki would but just staring in his eyes, concerned and tense. Looking for signs of Kokichi spiraling, or scared, or…

“...oh my god.” Shuichi whispered, “Are you okay?”

Kokichi let Shuuichi sit him up, just…looking at his boyfriend, almost like he was seeing him in a different light. “...you know. I told you.”

“...Temp told you,” he amended.

“...I think I’m gonna freak out, but it hasn’t hit me yet.”

“Okay.” Shuichi said, still feeling wildly unprepared for this now that it was happening. For some reason, he had sorta always assumed Maki would be there too. That he’d have backup. Ikou. Should he go get Ikou!? No, no, he shouldn’t leave Kokichi, he had promised to help him through this… “Okay. You can freak out. I have you. What about your heart? Will we need a–”

“Okay, I’ve got water.” Kaito said, grinning brightly as he saw Shuichi now hugging Kokichi, holding him close, saying cheerfully as he knelt down, “Shuichi, handsome? Your eyes are too wide. Should I get you some water too?”

“Kokichi has super powers and Maki and Ikou know and he’s just found out so he might be about to have a panic attack.” Shuichi said quickly.

Kaito blinked. “...okay. Well. Water first, okay? Kokichi, don’t argue with me. Drink this. Shuichi, I’m getting you some too. One thing at a time, everything’s okay.”

“I’m not sure… Last time I freaked out it was just a lot of crying…” Kokichi said in the same tone, still not…quite there yet. 

Kokichi took the water without complaint, drinking it in easy sips before looking up at Kaito. “...I didn’t just find out. I found out about a year ago, but I only remembered while I was asleep so…that’s why I’m only finding out now.”

“...I wanted to tell you first.” For the first time, Kokichi had an inflection to his voice, sounding a bit sad as he frowned at Kaito, taking another sip. “We promised no more secrets…I really wanted to tell you first. But my dad’s known something was up with me since I was a baby, and we needed someone who knows how to take care of an Empath baby. And Shuuichi made a deal with one of my Empath friends to find out so he could support me while I didn’t remember, and Maki found out through that too.”

Kokichi blinked slowly. “...Miyako’s an Empath too. She’s a really strong one. She’s started coming into your dreams so you’ll play with her.”

This, admittedly, caused Kaito to pause on his way to the bathroom door with Shuichi’s cup, glancing over at Miyako’s crib… before he continued to go pour Shuichi some water.

He had no fucking idea what was going on, but Kokichi was doing the dead voice thing he had done a few weeks ago and at the memorial garden, and Shuichi looked like he was a surprising gust of wind away from his own panic attack, so… whether both of his partners were having some sort of mental breakdown, or there was something in the food they just ate that wasn’t hitting Kaito yet, or everything they were saying was one hundred percent accurate and needed dealing with… it didn’t matter what it was. One thing at a time. Get them both through whatever this was, in this exact moment, safely, and then figure out the rest of it later.

Maki wasn’t home, she was out with Tim. Kaito couldn’t shout for her if things got out of his control. Ikou apparently knew something, if these weren’t delusions or food poisoning, but Ikou was either at work or downstairs, and either was too far for Kaito to be willing to risk leaving his baby and partners to whatever this was. There would likely be guards or housekeepers nearby if he shouted… he hoped it wouldn’t come to that, he didn’t want whatever was happening to them to become rumors. But he would if he had too. 

He thought about all of this in the time it took to fill Shuichi’s cup. He went back out and kneeling again said sternly to Shuichi, “Let Kokichi go. Drink this water. Let me look him over, okay?”

Shuichi looked briefly like he was going to argue… but after a moment he nodded and, hugging Kokichi tight again, detangled himself to take the water, knowing the mere act of drinking might distract him from his own panic attack, which was likely exactly why Kaito had done it.

“Kokichi?” Kaito said gently, “Can I touch you?”

…he wasn’t…really sure what was happening. He remembered--this was good! He’d been trying to remember for weeks now. But… Well, like Kaito had said earlier, it didn’t quite…feel real. Like he was still in this period where he could just…write it all off as a mental breakdown. Say ‘ha ha, gotcha~!’ Have his mind try to rationalize all this and fill in gaps that were dumb as hell just so he wouldn’t remember…

But he wanted to remember. 

“Yeah, you can,” Kokichi said faintly, still dutifully sipping at his water. “...we’ve cuddled in your dreams a few times. I try not to, ‘cause you’re not really conscious of what’s happening. And Saint Madison will kick my ass if I go to your mind without a damn good reason. I think she’s just been getting more annoyed every time I show up.”

“Well, she is the Shield of Atua’s Chosen,” Kaito murmured, gently touching Kokichi’s neck and feeling his pulse as his other hand just as gently petted through his hair, his stomach ever so slightly tightening up with fear as Kokichi continued to talk. Still no fever. If anything, Kokichi felt colder. Perspiration on his forehead. His heart rate didn’t feel out of control, but… “Guys? If you can walk, I want us to go to the healers, okay? I’ll carry Miyako, but I need you both to walk with me, okay?”

“It’s all true, Kaito, we’re not making this up.” Shuichi insisted, eyes still too wide. His adrenaline struggling to slow down now that it had been triggered.

“That’s not what I’m saying. I don’t think you’re making anything up. But your Kaito gets nervous about things, and it would make me feel better to have a healer look at you and tell me you don’t have food poisoning, okay? Can you come with me, just to make me feel better?”

It made sense. It was nonsense without being proven. Kokichi hadn’t even believed it the first time and he’d been in a dream. 

…it was dangerous…

Kokichi’s eyes widened. Still not Freaking Out, but quickly gripping onto Kaito’s wrist, fixing him with an intense look. “I’ll go to medical. But you cannot tell anyone I’m an Empath. Not even phrased like I’m having delusions. You’ll understand more later, when I explain better, but…but just know that if you do, it’s something I believe will put us all in great danger, and that’s gonna speed up the impending freak out I’m not sure why I’m not having now.”

Kokichi’s grip tightened on Kaito, but only for a brief moment. “Promise?”

Kaito gave Kokichi a thoughtful look, eyebrows raising ever so slightly at Kokichi’s tightening grip, the intensity coming off of him.

… Kaito turned his wrist in Kokichi’s grip, and gently grasped Kokichi’s, before sliding it down and holding his hand. He brought Kokichi’s hand up, and placed a small kiss against the back of his pinky. Before giving him a soft look. “My husband only ever has to ask me. I promise.”

“Okay.”

With that, Kokichi gently set down his glass and stood.

…watching the room pan in and out like looking through a glass bowl for a moment as he swayed, knees and hands shaking. But not enough to send him to the ground. For his part, Kokichi just looked at his hands with uncomprehending eyes before looking at Shuuichi. 

“...sorry this wasn’t more convenient.”

“It’s fine. It’s fine. I’m getting it under control. I’m not going to have an attack. I’m not. Pull it together.” Shuichi hissed at himself, his anger at his own panic attack only fueling it more. He was supposed to be helping! Why did this keep happening when he was needed most!?

“You’re not going to have an attack,” Kaito agreed with Shuichi, not because he believed that or thought he could will it into existence, but because he knew Shuichi just sometimes needed people to agree with him while he got his body under control. Helping with Shuichi’s panic attacks was mostly just about being on standby in case it got so bad he passed out. Water and distractions could help, to a point, but trying to stop or hinder Shuichi’s self soothing attempts was always a bad idea. Kaito didn’t feel great about having him move downstairs, but he still needed to confirm their brains weren’t dying on some poison or another. 

(Fuck he wanted Maki.)

Scooping up Miyako, who was asleep, Kaito held her to his chest as he went back to them, saying sternly to Shuichi, “Grab my arm.” as he held his hand down to him. After a moment, Shuichi did so, and Kaito pulled him up, giving Kokichi and his wobble a concerned look…

“Kokichi, my hands are full of Miyako and Shuichi. If there’s any doubt in your mind right now if you can get down the stairs, you need to be honest with me right this second and let me put you on my back. Okay? We’re just going downstairs, it won’t be long, but if you fall tripping on the staircase I can’t catch you. Do you need to ride my back?”

Definitely not the best time to remember. But he needed to. There was never going to be a perfect time--though this was a pretty bad one--and if he started making excuses and qualifications, then he’d never be able to do it. Except…he had done it, and it was over. He remembered. 

He’d have to tell Alter Ego and Temp and Madam Zalai… How did people use their abilities while they were awake? Kokichi didn’t know how to still maintain his body while he was doing things! Another set of lessons to have…

Alter Ego…

{I remembered and I’m freaking out and Kai-chan thinks Shuu-chan and I are poisoned; I’m kind of astonished I haven’t passed out; just thought you should know, holy shit}

Kokichi blinked up at Kaito, some of the color starting to drain from his face. “...I don’t think I can. I don’t feel comfortable having you support all of us, though… Could you call down the hall and see if there’s anyone nearby? I think…I think I just need a hand making sure I’m not gonna…” Kokichi trailed off, not really sure what he was going to do.

{I’ll notify Temp and send Ikou, then I’m coming over. It’s invasive, but if you give me the word, I can hard shut you, you’ll essentially pass out. I won’t do it without permission, and don’t give me permission unless you need it.}

{Everything will be okay. We’ve got you.}

Kaito watched Kokichi fade out, his gaze going distant, glanced over at Shuichi, whose face was getting more red, looking frustrated as he tried to control his breathing. Thank god Miyako seemed perfectly content to stay asleep. Okay. Okay. “Be right back.”

Kaito went to open the door, and as deeply uncomfortable as this made him, to the point where his voice came out slightly strangled in his discomfort, he shouted down the hall, “Anyone patrolling!? I need help!”

{Thank you}

…he was sending messages, intent, to people across countless miles. An ability Empaths had. Distance meant nothing in the realm of the mind. 

Kokichi started to shake a little more. 

The sound of boots quickly coming closer happened instantly, a whoosh of long green hair and a red cape rounding the corner. Lake’s usually bright and friendly face was drawn into a serious expression, calm despite the terror that picked up her heartrate. Kaito calling out for help from the princes’ bedroom was not a good sign. 

However, she simply came to his side, steady in the face of the situation. “What do you need, Kaito?”

Admittedly, of anyone that could of come, Kaito was a little relieved it was Lake rather than the dozens of guardsman Kaito would barely recognize. Again, he felt nervous to have an audience to his partners either poisoning or breakdown or a third near incomprehensible option, so having someone who wouldn’t likely spread rumors carelessly… yeah. A relief.

That said? “Kokichi’s having a dizzy spell and seems confused, Shuichi’s having a panic attack, and I want to make certain it wasn’t something they ate so I’m taking them to medical. I’ve got Shuichi and Miyako, grab Kokichi.” he said, his brain stuttering for a second before he added in as an afterthought, “Please.”

“Got it.”

Going past Kaito and Shuuichi with light feet, Lake gently put a hand on her brother’s shoulder, trying to see if she could get his attention a little. He did look out of sorts… She grinned. “Hey, bro-bro, you ready to head down to the med bay? D’you want to walk yourself, or, hey! I could give you a piggyback ride just like the old days! How’s that sound?”

“Don’t worry, Ko--everything’s gonna be okay with Big Sis around!”

Lake was worried and not a little scared, but…she really believed it. That things were going to be okay. She was energetic and silly, but his sister really was a dependable person…

“Se’mme up…” Kokichi muttered, trying to smile for a moment before sucking in a breath. 

Crouching down in front of him, Lake picked Kokichi up with ease once he leaned forward onto her, keeping him secure. “Alright! Downstairs we go!”

Kaito let out a little relieved breath as he saw Lake handling it, putting his arm around Shuichi’s arm and pulling him to his side, heading down. 

-

Dr. Verassing sighed, adjusting their glasses as they said, “So… how many times are we running this training scenario today, Nell? Because three times now in one day feels… excessive. We’ve literally had all the resuscitation equipment prepped all day, I think we can safely say we’re all warmed up now.”

Nell for a moment, just looked at the door. She knew Drakon’s visions weren’t always the most reliable. Or…rather, that the context around them wasn’t the most reliable--while he assured her that what he was was just a probable future and that fate wasn’t actually set in stone (debatable for what that actually meant), that probable future pretty much always came true. 

In some fashion. And usually not the one the younger vampire guessed. 

Honestly, Nell wasn’t even sure that the vision of Kokichi being rushed to the medical wing, pale and sweaty was going to happen today. But, as a healer, she owed it to herself and the prince to at least try and prepare. 

Sighing, Nell nodded. “I believe you’re right, Dr. Verassing. Considering the increased heat this summer compared to the average temperature in past years…I suppose it’s gotten me worried. People generally know how to keep safe, but I’ve heard there’s been a notably increase of people going to the hospital for heatstroke this year. I want to be prepared…but, yes. This may be excessive.”

…she could wait a little longer.

“I can start putting away the equipment, if the rest of you would like to--”

“S’CUSE ME, FOLKS!” came an exuberant, attention-demanding voice. “Could we get some help, please!”

Everyone sprang into action, even if all that action mostly consisted of backing up, letting the senior healers step forward and meet up with oncoming group, Dr. Verassing following Dr. Pacuvius as Kaito and Lake brought in Shuichi and Kokichi.

“Symptoms?” Verassing asked, focusing on Shuichi as Nell looked over Kokichi.

“I’m…I’m having a… having a panic att–”

“Shuichi thinks he’s having a panic attack but we don’t actually know that,” Kaito interrupted, not wanting Shuichi to be ignored if there was something more going on, “We just finished dinner, and almost immediately afterwards both Kokichi and Shuichi started talking in a confusing manner and acting alarmed and confused, with Shuichi starting to show signs of a panic attack in response to the confusion. Please look them over however you need too, but also, please, check for—” Kaito glanced around the room, and felt compelled to lower his voice even if the idea of keeping secrets from the other healers was laughable at best, “please check for despair spores, some of the early signs can be confusion and we have a history.”

“Yes, Kaito, we know, we’ll check.” Dr. Verassing assured, if only to calm him, guiding Shuichi to sit down so they could look him over.

Nell listened in on Kaito’s explanation, as Lake could only repeat that Kaito had said Kokichi was dizzy and out of sorts and… Well, this wasn’t a heart attack, at least not one that was anything like any of the others Kokichi had ever had. 

Giving him a quick rundown of the usual checks, Kokichi took a deeper breath before looking up at Nell (eyes not glassy, but a bit too wide, pupils a little too small). He’d begun to cling onto the hem of his shirt before Lake gently took his hand, having him hold onto her instead and…it was grounding. “You can still check, but I don’t believe this has anything to do w-with spores. ‘M freakin’ out a-and I know that can be dangerous for me, which is why we’re down here, b-but it’s not… It’s not an outside thing.”

Nell gave Kokichi an appraising look before speaking calmly. “Thank you for letting us know. We’ll still check, just in case, like you said, but we’ll be here to support what you need, Kokichi. Do you think you’ll be able to let us take a blood sample from you?”

If it were possible, Kokichi paled even further, but Lake leaned into his line of sight. “You don’t have to watch--you can hold onto me and by the time we count to ten it’ll be over. Like playing hide and seek, but the prize is getting peace of mind.”

He didn’t need a blood test, but…he needed other people to not freak out first. Faintly, Kokichi nodded.

Once Kokichi and Shuichi were both taken aside, Kaito cradled Miyako to himself and stepped back, watching them both on opposite sides of the room nervously. Shuichi was sat on a table, and Kaito watched with equal surprise, concern and relief when one of the healers brought over a strange looking airbag thing, Shuichi looking wary but, glancing over at Kaito, letting them put it over his face and, breathing deeply from it, something immediately easing in his face and shoulders. Was that a thing?? Was there some sort of airbag thing available this whole damn time to help breathe through panic attacks?? Where was that in Luminary!?

But as Shuichi was given some assistant breathing to ease through his panic attack, Kokichi was fixating on Lake, letting her soothe him, as a needle was prepped, Lake talking animatedly to him and trying to keep him distracted through the process. Glancing down into his arms, Miyako was still asleep, but Kaito found himself murmuring anyway, “There, there, Miya… daddy and dada are both fine… everything is going to be okay…” Kaito looked nervously between the both of them before saying softly, entirely to himself, “...no ones going crazy… it’s okay…we’ll handle it…”

Kokichi had his face tucked into Lake’s shoulder, listening to his sister chatter on about the raspberry plants starting to bare fruit in her and Nazumi’s garden, and Nazumi’s fierce stand-off with the crows trying to sneak treats. It…it did help, since Lake was genuinely calm. She trusted the healers and she trusted herself, and she really did think this all would be alright--and all those feelings were much more potent than her worries and doubts. His sister had always been so strong…

Meanwhile…he could feel the nerves emanating loudly from Kaito, something that he didn’t even have to be an Empath to feel, probably. But he was an Empath so he did feel it because he felt everything the people around him felt and they couldn’t even get privacy in their own heads and…

Kokichi stifled a sob into Lake’s shoulder, startling her for a moment before her arms tightened and she began to rub his back. “Shhhh, hey, you’re good.”

{Kai-chan, I’m okay, but I’m scared and…it’s so much. I don’t know how to navigate all this and sometimes it feels like all I do is freak you out with my abilities. I don’t know what to do…}

…Shuuichi had been looking through the book of magic folk for him. Trying to get as much knowledge as he could about this whole side of the world they hadn’t known about… How was he supposed to contend with all that?!

Just as Kokichi began to cry more, Ikuo bolted into the medical wing, a man on a mission.

Kaito’s shoulders stiffened, not… sure what the hell just happened but…

(Please, please, no, he had been so close, it had almost been six months, god dammit, maybe he shouldn’t tell Miss Crystal…)

But his panic was forcibly shoved aside as Ikou came rushing in, Kaito a little surprised to see him– but then, news probably traveled fast in the castle– as he rushed to intersect him, putting his hand on Ikou’s shoulder as he said, “Hey, hey, everything’s under control. They’re just in the middle of doing a blood test on Kokichi, he’s crying cause he’s scared, he’s not hurt.”

On the other side of the room, Shuichi took deep breaths in the plastic bag thing… before sighing, pushing it aside a little, “I’m okay, I’m okay… that things amazing… I can feel it passing.” 

Dr. Varassing nodded, “Good. Let’s give you a minute, then we’re taking a blood test from you next, okay?”

“I don’t really need it… but, okay.”

Ikuo took in the scene in the bay--Shuuichi calming, Kokichi crying, but Lake handling him and Dr. Pacuvius deftly bandaging up his arm--and sighed. Today was the day, huh. Ikuo didn’t all know how Empathy worked, but still, he tried to focus on his love for Kokichi, hoping some of that reached his kid. 

But he had another kid to take care of too. 

Nodding at Kaito, Ikuo reached up to pat his shoulder too before nodding over at some waiting chairs. “Looks like they’re bein’ handled fer the time bein’...so let’s chat. How much di’ Bunny manage ta tell ya before y’all came down here?”

Kaito looked over at Shuichi as it was his turn to get poked by the needle, his mind still full of fears and memories of spore poisoning, fears as he remembered how vulnerable Kokichi was supposed to be to it, terror at the idea that Shuichi might end up relapsing because of it and going through all that misery again clearing it out of his system, not even to mention what it would mean if someone had poisoned their dinners and was Kaito infected again he was just saying he couldn’t go back to the cotton feeling–

“Hm?” Kaito hummed, having barely noticed Ikou guiding him to sit down until they were literally right now to the chairs, sitting down with Ikou as he went to look at Kokichi again next, Kokichi curled into Lake as she soothed him. “Oh, uh… told me? Kokichi told me… uh… well that’s one of the reasons we’re here. Kokichi wasn’t… super coherent, or… um, I think at one point he was talking about one of the Atuan Saints being annoyed with him? He and Shuichi both are a little out of it.”

Ikuo nodded slowly before glancing around. Considering Kokichi and Shuuichi were there for help, no one was really paying attention to him or Kaito. Alright. Good to keep his voice low anyway. 

“...dunno what all that’s about, really,” he admitted, “Bu’...one a’ Bunny’s fellas tol’ me he remembered he’s an Empath. Prolly fancy term fer somm’a that psychic, magic business--only learned recently what it all was called, myself.”

“All sounds li’ yer goin’ nuts,” Ikuo nodded sympathetically, “An’ I can’ prove it to ya, no’ beyond givin’ you m’ word. Bu’ Bunny’s tellin’ ya th’ truth. There’s a lotta magic in th’ worl’, and it’s real. Jus’ a lot ta take in…which is why we’re here now,” he nodded to Kokichi, gripping tightly onto Lake. 

“He’ll explain more ‘a th’ specifics ta ya when he can, but fer now?” Ikuo sat up a bit, fixing Kaito with a serious look. “We gotta support him. Kid’s jus’ gettin’ months ‘a mem’ries back all at once, an’ with a lotta things he’s been havin’ a hard time with. As his family, we gotta be here fer ‘im.”

Kaito stared at Ikou as he talked, eyes widening significantly…

… he put his hand on Ikou’s forehead, saying in concen, “Did you just eat lunch too? Shit, I might want to put the word out, this could be fucking castle-wide…”

Ikuo shook his head softly. It was pretty incredible to believe. “...ya know, Bunny said that he trusted ya with this. Ya don’t gotta believe us now, but ya gotta trust us. Yer husband needs reassurance tha’ his world ain’t fallin’ apart righ’ now--his sis’s doin’ stars, but she don’t understand. Jus’ be here fer ‘im, Kaito. Then it’ll make sense.”

“...” Kaito’s brow furrowed, taking his hand back from Ikou’s forehead and petting Miyajo’s hair softly, before looking down at her…

…what the fuck was an ‘empath’?

What did it mean that his… husband and daughter were one? What did that… she visited his dreams? His dreams were not safe places for babies! There were too many sexy Kokichi’s in his dreams! 

What the fuck did Kokichi mean Saint Madison got ‘annoyed’ with him!? The fuck did that mean!??

Kaito felt panic run like electricity through him… but he ignored it. There wasn’t time for that. Shuichi was getting blood work, Kokichi was sobbing in his sisters arms, Ikou was spouting insanity at him that was frighteningly consistent with all the other insanity that was getting thrown around today. Wasn’t this what he always wanted? To be needed when things were hard? Well, things were clearly edging on ‘challenging’ right now, so… that panicky feeling? Push that shit right deep down. Deal with it later. Okay. He was needed.

“... okay.” Kaito said, looking between his partners before saying to Ikou, “She’s all tuckered out, would you mind holding Miyako?”

“Not at all. Be there fer yer boys, Kaito. There’ll be more support comin’.”

Meanwhile, Kokichi really was full on sobbing in Lake’s arms. It helped, feeling her calm and fondness, but…

Oh god, he was going to be leading a nation full of magic peoples how was he supposed to do that?!?!? How was he supposed to judge fair and appropriate measures for all kinds of people he barely understood?! NOT TO MENTION THAT GODS WERE REAL! Administration didn’t have a hand in any religious decisions, only practical ones like building inspections and environmental factors but, but, if anything happened!! That led to different beliefs clashing! How was he supposed to mediate that knowing that there actually was a truth?!?!? 

HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?

He created the first known defense capable of undoing conditioning! There was an entire nation of magic folk that hated humans, at least insofar as how their politics worked! How was he supposed to protect his people against a country three times as big that would hate them just for being alive?!?!

“Hhhu - huuu - hhhhhhhiiii!” Kokichi let loose a high-pitched whine into Lake’s shoulder, shaking in her lap.

Passing Miyako to Ikou, Kaito had been about to check on Shuichi real quick, make sure he was good before moving on to Kokichi, since his husband had Lake’s attention, but… Kaito froze at the sound that came from Kokichi, and while a part of him hated having to choose between them at all, he spared Shuichi a regretful glance before heading towards Kokichi. 

Shuichi, in turn, wasn’t worried about where Kaito went, but had looked up in his own concern at the sound of Kokichi, saying urgently to the healer taking his blood, “Can you hurry? I need to go to him.”

“You need to sit and let me look over you.” Dr. Verassing insisted, finished up and bandaging his arm, “He already has three people assisting him, I’m certain the prince would prefer to know you were getting treated as well. Now let me listen to your lungs, now that your breathing is under control…”

Kaito hurried over to Kokichi, his mouth thinning as he looked over the situation, watching Kokichi shake like a leaf… “Hey, now…” Kaito whispered, kneeling down and peering up at Kokichi, reaching out and idly rubbing his husband leg as he grinned up at Kokichi, “We’re almost done, okay? The second the healers say you’re good to go, we’ll go back to our room, and we’ll pick Smug Rabbit up off the floor, and we can work all of this out. Everythings fine, there’s nothing to be scared about…”

Another presence, still worried and panicked, but…all that was below a layer of love and determination. Kaito. 

Grimacing through his body-shaking sobs, Kokichi couldn’t get himself to move his face out of Lake’s shoulder, just huddling into her more while her hand was ever-steady rubbing his back. Still…he appreciated the hand on his leg. 

“I - I - huuuhhh I can’t! I d-dunno what t-to do!”

{I’m going to let everyone down. I don’t know how to take care of everyone. I don’t know how to protect us.}

“You don’t have to know how to protect everyone.” Kaito said, still idly massaging Kokichi’s leg, letting himself relax into the familiar moton, “And you’re not letting anyone down, not knowing what to do. My ‘Kichi is a leader, remember? And leaders listen to their people. They don’t come up with all the plans by themselves, or make decisions alone, or control everything by their will alone: they can’t. They’re not expected to.”

“So if my ‘Kichi is frightened and confused? That’s okay. His sister and his guardsman are here to help him move and support him, at his request. And his healers, trained and educated in medicine and emergency response, are making certain this emergency is handled well, as the Ouma’s have hired them to do. And his husband is here to remind him that everything is going according to plan, because the plan was always for Kokichi to work with everyone else, and not to do it on his own.”

“So, everything is fine,” Kaito insisted, kissing Kokichi’s knee, “This is how it goes, boss.” 

…it wasn’t all up to him. He had a gift, and one of the most powerful versions of it he’d heard of, but…it wasn’t all up to him. He had Alter Ego and Temp working with him to free people from conditioning, and to research all sorts of psychic questions. He had other Empaths like Madam Zalai and Mikado and Madam Yubaba to learn more about what being an Empath meant, and one day he’d rely on them and more to help more people. 

He had Ikuo and Shuuichi and Maki supporting him in the physical world, helping him learn what him being an Empath meant. And he had his little daughter to teach everything he’d learned to. 

…he could learn about what Dicean magic folk needed from their government. He could work with them, and learn more, like what Shuuichi was doing, to catch any glaringly obvious things that could hurt a demographic. If they had lived in Dicea this long, then they weren’t being hurt yet. 

…Danganronpa wasn’t attacking them. If that day came…then they could figure something out. It wouldn’t be him the only one figuring it out. Dicea had managed to fend off the invasion of a country twice their size. They were strong and resilient and clever. 

His people were so clever and caring… He was the voice they projected through. None of them acted alone. 

Lake…wasn’t really sure what Kaito was talking about, but the subject change seemed to calm Kokichi down, if his quieting sobs weren’t just going to lead to something else. Still, she grinned, rubbing her brother’s arm. “Your Kai-guy’s right, boss-man. We’re all here for ya--there’s nothing you have to do alone.”

“Mmhm,” Kaito hummed, straightening out a little and risking crowding Kokichi a bit now that he wasn’t screaming into Lake’s chest, petting through his hair and placing a firm hand on his shoulder as he said, “Your father is both young and experienced, with his pulse on the nation. Your secretaries are dedicated and intelligent. You have many siblings devoted to you, including one who’d move heaven and earth if you felt threatened by anything, to the point where your Lake would likely have to calm down and reign in my Maki.” Kaito glanced over his shoulder, and said, “Your father came running the second he heard you needed him, and your boyfriend looks like he’s five seconds from telling the healers to fuck off because he wants to come check on you… there are no problems you will ever face alone.”

Kaito looked back to him, certain about this if nothing else, “You can’t. None of us will ever let you. This is what you signed up for when you married me, I’m afraid. Every time you decide you’re in it alone? Whelp, that’s when your brute of a husband has to call you an idiot and shove you at all the people who can help you. Who have always, always wanted to. My ‘Kichi just has to let them.”

Kokichi sniffled, hearing Lake’s soft laugh in her chest, and, slowly, he peeked away from her, his eyes red and swollen and wet, but…

…but he wasn’t alone. It was overwhelming and there was so much more to the world than he’d known. But he wasn’t alone in facing it. Even for the people around him that didn’t know…they would still support him, and always would. Extending their trust and belief and love. 

Kokichi took a shaky breath. 

{We have a lot to talk about. I’m telling you this in your head, you’re not hearing voices, and I promise I’ll explain, but…don’t let Lake know.}

“...okay…” he said in a small, raw voice. “M sorry for worrying e-everyone…”

“Tsk,” Lake softly huffed, smoothing Kokichi’s hair away from his face. “We just said we’re here to support you, right? If you needed us like this, then…woo! We did it! We were here for you! And we know you’d be there for us when we need you too.”

Leaning in, Lake obnoxiously smacked a kiss against Kokichi’s forehead, chuckling. “Hey, want another piggyback ride when you’re cleared to go? I’ve really missed givin’ ‘em to ya.”

“You just want an excuse to flex…”

Soft, purposeful footsteps came towards the groups again. “No spore count,” Nell said bluntly. “Shuuichi, nothing’s unusual in your blood, and Kokichi, you’re a little low on iron, but it’s nothing a few meals of greens and meat won’t fix. You two are free to go, if you feel steady--otherwise, you’re welcome to rest in one of the private rooms.”

Kaito felt a twitch run through his face as he… ‘heard’ that. Still not even kind of getting his head around that…

… deal with it later.

He straightened up entirely when the healer approached, listening to Nell before feeling a rush of relief through his whole body at the zero spore count. That would have been a nightmare…

“... okay. We’ll put more vegetables and meat on Kokichi’s plate from now on,” Kaito said, looking to Dr. Varessing and asking, “Shuichi?”

“Same, with the exception of the iron deficiency. Though, while we’re pointing out health risks, you know the reason your eating habits haven’t and likely won’t slow down is because you’re breastfeeding, which is prompting your body for more calories. The weights not good for you, you can’t stop eating, so you need to exercise to lower your blood pressure, which is a little high.”

Shuichi glared at them, “Tattle-tale.”

“Don’t blame me. Your blood-results told on you, not me.” Dr. Verassing shrugged, “Otherwise he’s good to go.”

“Got it… can we take that breathy thing–”

“No. It’s got oxygen capsules in it, without a supply of them it wouldn’t help you anyway.”

“Alright, alright,” Kaito said, noting that away in his mind, before turning to Ikou and Lake, “Thank you both so much. If either of you want, you can escort us back upstairs, but I think…” 

Kaito thought there was a lot to talk about apparently and he had no idea how to even begin having any of that conversation, but was pretty sure he couldn’t start down here, or with Lake, so, “...I think we have it from here.”

Kokichi sniffled, his tears mostly stopped by this point. He…still didn’t feel great, but…that was okay. He wasn’t alone. 

“I’ll take a raincheck on that piggyback ride…” Kokichi murmured into Lake’s shoulder before managing a small smile. “You might wanna change into something I haven’t snotted up, too.”

Lake snorted and looked down at herself, visible wet spots on her dress. “Eh, worth it. But I’m gonna come check up on you guys before I head home for the night--been a rough one, huh?”

Getting up from the waiting chair, Ikuo nodded gently, Miyako still peacefully snoozing away in his arms. “I’ll walk y’all back up--can’t resist havin’ a li’l extra time wi’ Miya here.” They would probably want to have a conversation between themselves, but he could help at the start. 

Nodding, Kokichi climbed out of Lake’s lap, a little shaky but more steady than he had been coming down.

-

It was a quiet walk upstairs. Uncharacteristically so. Even in the silence, Kaito couldn’t bring himself to find anything to say, or ramble, or observe or soothe. Shuichi was holding Kokichi’s hand, who was holding Ikou’s Miya-free one, creating visually a slightly odd chain up the stairs. Kaito led from the front, Lake following from behind, and he glanced behind him to them every now and again, mostly lost in his own thoughts. 

Lake bid them farewell at the room, but Kaito wasn’t surprised when Ikou walked in with them, closing the door once everyone was inside and settled. 

Maybe it was an odd habit, and, well… it was. But this wasn’t the first time, feeling overwhelmed, that Kaito had decided to sit on top of the desk itself, fussing with his knuckles as he watched his family settle into various spots in the room, Shuichi sticking with Kokichi wherever he settled, wanting to make up for his earlier failure to be a comforting presence.

There was silence in the room.

“...so…” Kaito said after a while, “...super powers, huh?”

He still had part of lunch left over. Maybe he’d get around to eating it later. Maybe not. 

Kokichi sighed and sought out Shuuichi’s hand, though he smiled softly at Kaito. Kokichi…kind of looked like a wreck, but he had promised to explain. “Super powers. So…some of our conversations before about super powers and mind reading have been…really close.”

Sighing again, Koichi rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. “...magic is real. All those peoples in the book Shuu-chan’s been reading…well, I don’t know if all of them are real, or if that’s an exhausted list, but there are a lot of different kinds of magic folk--that’s kinda the general term.” Kokichi looked up with another timid grin. “I met a mountain orc not that long ago--she’s an Empath too and I needed advice.”

“So…having abilities is different from being a…species of magic folk. And…I have an ability called Empathy,” Kokichi tried to explain, “So I’m called an Empath. Most simply…it’s like what the normal term is, but cranked up to eleven. I can feel other people’s emotions, and…’cause I’m a particularly powerful Empath, it’s…kinda like mind reading.”

Kokichi frowned at that. “...and I’ve…been doing that accidentally for a while. I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing, so I’d respond to strong thoughts you were having and…well. I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair to you.”

Kaito nodded silently. Still trying to digest this, but… as many questions as he had– and some of them, many, were alarmed questions– he couldn’t stop seeing the haggard exhaustion in Kokichi’s face. A meltdown on him that had only just barely not happened. Because what had happened downstairs? Kaito knew that wasn’t a meltdown. He had seen Kokichi meltdown before, and that was just a taste of what he had been gearing up for. Tempered and pulled back thanks to a lot of help, Atua be pleased, but… were they out of the woods? Or was this just a temporary reprieve…

“...well, I’ve always known you were empathetic, so… that’s not terribly surprising by itself, I guess. I mean, to the point of ‘mindreading’ is a surprise, but…” Kaito looked back and forth between Ikou and Shuichi. He had no idea what he was looking for, no clue what to focus on, but when he opened his mouth next he asked, “Are Kokichi and Miyako in danger?”

“Empaths are in hiding,” Shuichi supplied immediately, holding Kokichi’s hand between his own, pressed to his side, “That’s why Kokichi made you promise not to mention anything. As far as I understand it, only empaths can confirm without a doubt who is and isn’t an empath. For everyone else, the most they can do is guess. So Kokichi never confirming he’s an empath with anyone else is the safest way to keep his secret. And… empaths remain hidden because there’s a history of either people becoming paranoid around them for their abilities, or trying to extort them for their abilities. They’ve decided they’re safest hidden.”

“Okay… any other dangers I should be aware of?” Kaito asked, looking to Ikou.

It was more than a little relieving for Kaito to at least be humoring them. It was hard enough trying to explain everything without him thinking they had all gone insane.

Kokichi gave Shuuichi a thankful look as he explained the need for secrecy, though there was one thing he chimed in with. “Honestly…right now is one of the safest times to be an Empath than there’s been in a while. But it’s better to be safe than sorry.” She would have her own struggles, but at least Miyako would get to grow up past the world that had kidnapped her brethren. 

As much as he liked holding her, Ikuo had put Miyako back in her crib, taking up one of the sitting chairs to make a smaller circle for them all to talk. “Other dangers ‘r a bit more manageable. Dunno how it works, but thinkin’ of it like a muscle makes the most sense ta me--’Kich’ over-exerts himself, he’s gon’ pay fer it,” Ikuo nodded, giving Kokichi a look that was equal parts concerned and exasperated. “Dunno ‘bout all ‘a them, but th’ migraines are from pushin’ it too far.”

Kokichi looked a bit sheepish at that. “...yeah. My abilities…it’s not just nebulous magic. It’s all physical stuff my brain is doing, even if that’s hard to conceptualize sometimes. So…sometimes when I’ve woken up with headaches, it’s because I’ve pushed myself more than I can handle.”

Grimacing, Kokichi looked to the floor. “...that night I had that bad nosebleed was a bad one.” He squeezed Shuuichi’s hand, face falling even more. “And that night Shuu-chan had a panic attack in his sleep was ‘cause of me.”

“I was fine,” Shuichi reassured, squeezing back, “It’s just… a lot. When you first find out. As Kokichi’s experienced twice now. As I’m sure Ikou’s dealt with… as I’m certain Kaito’s dealing with now?” Shuichi asked, looking to Ikou.

Kaito, in turn… shrugged. “Hm,” He hummed, his brain not even kind of processing this yet. It all sounded sort of fake. Kaito knew his family wouldn’t lie about something like this, it’d be cruel by this point, and the whole… Kokichi talking in his head thing (was it?? Talking?? Kaito kept just ‘knowing’ what Kokichi meant. Was he ‘hearing’ anything, even in his head???) was… something. Kind of hard to fake that. Again, it’d be incredibly cruel if they could. His family wasn’t cruel. So…

So…

“Migraines and bloody noses… okay. Nothing new there. Took care of them before they were super-power based, can take care of them now too. The fact their super-power based is almost more anecdotal than anything. Sort of thing you tell at parties as a fun fact… except you don’t because that would be telling people there was actual magic in the world and, apparently, putting your husband and daughter at risk, as said magical folks… okay. Sure. Okay.”

Kaito stopped playing with his knuckles to play with his goatee. Rubbing and pulling at it… “Maki know?”

“Kokichi wanted to tell you first.” Shuichi repeated from earlier, having promised Kokichi he’d help him make Kaito very aware of that from the start, “Maki just happened to be there when I found out. And I found out by being stubborn and manipulative.”

Kaito opened his mouth to ask why he hadn’t found out after that… but glanced at Kokichi’s red, swollen eyes and puffy face and said instead, “Well, that is one of the things I love you for. Lots of things I love you both for. My Kokichi’s very empathetic, and has always seemed very good at reading people… and he is! Very good at it. Very, very good at it… and my Shuichi is stubborn and manipulative and sometimes a little mean, but the fact that you’d use that to help Kokichi is what I love about you. That is what happened, right?”

“Yes.” Shuichi said, “Kokichi couldn’t remember. I wanted to remember for him.”

“That sounds like there might be a whole story there that I’m missing context for, but for now? Okay.” Kaito said, pulling at his hair a bit more… before clapping his hands together, “Okay! Okay, okay, okay… Kokichi? How are… you feeling?”

Kokichi sighed and rested his head on Shuuichi’s shoulder for a moment. He wished he had explained with more tact, back then. There was too much for a person to take all at once. Even now Kokichi felt deep pockets of existential dread waiting to pop up on him, probably in the middle of the night, but…well. It was over. There was no righting that mistake. 

…it sounded like it was too much for Kaito now. So they could probably hold off on the other stuff. 

Kokichi closed his tender eyes for a moment. “...I’m tired. And…still kind of reeling, but…I’m gonna be okay. This…this is good.” He opened his eyes, staring at the wall. “I’ve been trying to remember for so long and now…I’ve done it. Not…really in the best way, but…I’ve done it.”

A frown dragged at the corners of Kokichi’s lips again as he looked up at Kaito. “...I’ve wanted to tell you for so long. I wanted to tell you as myself; no secrets between us, but… I kinda fucked that up too. There’s so much I still have to tell you, but…”

He nudged Shuuichi’s shoulder with a deep sigh. “...it’s a lot. And I’ve already freaked you out today.”

“...who’s freaked? I’m fi–”

There was a knock at the door, before someone immediately tried the handle. Tone annoyed, Maki called through, “Unlock the door before I get Tim to let me in.”

“...can’t Maki pick locks?” Kaito asked idly, getting off the desk to go let her in.

“No, she can only break them.” Shuichi explained, “Not a lot of reasons for her to be worried about leaving behind clues to a break in, usually.”

“I’m glad she doesn’t do that anymore.” Kaito muttered, opening the door and stepping back as Maki walked in, her red eyes glaring around the room, appraising things, “Hey Maki–”

“Did it happen?” Maki asked, looking to Kokichi and Shuichi, “I got a message in my head. I rushed back from the park with Tim and arrived to rumors that you both were in medical again.”

“It happened… we’re okay.” Shuichi sighed, as Maki went to Shuichi first, grabbing his face and turning it this way, that way…

She moved onto Kokichi, glaring down at him as she grasped his face, frowning at the lines and blemishes and exhaustion, before looking over to Kaito, who stared wryly back at her.

“...you know?”

“I know.”

“Hm.” Maki said, looking around some more, “...Kokichi? Kaito? Do you need a night?”

“What?” Kaito asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re both the dramatic type, and just dealt with a huge realization not even an hour ago. This is Shuichi’s, what, third panic attack in as many months?” Maki asked, ignoring Shuchi’s huff and rolling of his eyes, “Maybe that’s an exaggeration, but not by much. And Miyako, assuming she’s awake, will spiral right alongside you both whenever it starts. And you’re going to spiral, because again, you’re both dramatic. So.”

She crossed her arms, glaring at them both, “Go get a hotel room or something. Find another room. Or I’ll take them to my room or a hotel for the night and, likely, tomorrow. Have your freakout together. Get the worst of it done early. I’ll babysit Shuichi with Miyako.”

Kokichi watched with a quiet fondness as Maki stormed into their room, taking a look and immediately taking charge. Kaito was going to get really excited when they told him she was a dragon in a past life--at least after he finished processing that. 

Taking a breath, Kokichi smiled softly at his sister. “I’ve already had part one. And…I think I’m okay for now.” He opened his mouth to comment that he didn’t really want to be away from home right then, but… He didn’t want to be the reason preventing Kaito from having his own freakout. Even if he’d already had one today and might just be out for now. 

…but Maki did offer to open up her room. 

“...I kinda wanna stay home?” he asked more as a question, looking over to Kaito.

And because he could be mean in his own right, he glanced back to Maki and said, “Shuu-chan and I both got blood tests. I need to eat more iron, and Shuu-chan’s blood pressure is high, so healers are bugging him to exercise again.”

Ikuo snorted softly, hiding a smile.

Shuichi glared at Kokichi, betrayed, as Maki scoffed, “Fine, we’ll start back up training, since apparently you all won’t do it by yourselves unless I twist your arms. The day after tomorrow. Because today apparently sucked for all of you based on the exhaustion on your faces, so you can recover tomorrow. Shuichi, I’m kidnapping you. Kaito, I’m assuming you’re going to grab Kokichi a bowl of spinach?”

“....yeaaaah. Yeah? Yeah!” Kaito said, looking a little less dazed now that he had a task, “A bowl of spinach! That sounds really good, actually, I’ll get one for myself too… Maki, are you… I don’t think I’m going to freakout–”

“You perpetually freakout, of course you’re going to freakout.” Maki said dryly. “The fact that you're this calm right now only means it’s gonna be worse later.

“Uh huh… I really do feel fine. Are you sure you’re up to watching Miyako tonight? Shuichi is likely gonna be tired tonight…”

“Shuichi is right here and can speak for himself.” Shuichi scoffed, “...but I agree with Maki. You both just found out about this today. Maybe it is a good idea to let you both at least rest together without worrying about Miyako having a fit tonight. Maki and I can spend time in her room tonight, give you both time to decompress.”

“There, it’s decided. Shuichi, help me move the crib from the nursery to my room. Kaito, go get your spinach. Ikou… keep being incredibly useful during tough situations, always glad to have you.” Maki said, turning and heading towards the door.

Shuichi sighed, before looking to Kokichi. “...I can stay. I promised to help you with this…”

Kokichi made a face, though he knew he’d done it to himself. Just a bowl of spinach? It was tasty enough in stuff, he guessed, but…just on it’s own? Then it really would feel like eating grass… Maybe he could pour the rest of his salad from lunch in it, at least get a little flavor. 

…Kaito’s freak out was going to come eventually. Hopefully Kokichi would have answers, or at least energy to be there for his husband, but…the fallout was going to come sooner or later. And Maki was right…the calmer he was now--shoving his panic down to focus on what needed to be done--the worse it was going to be later. Kokichi just hoped it wouldn’t drive him to his shrine. 

Ikuo tipped his hat to Maki before turning to Kaito. “Walk wi’ me ta get yer spin’ch, Kaito. If ‘m headin’ out anyway, I could use the company. But none y’all hesitate ta holler if ya need anythin’,” he implored, looking at the group. “I’ll be stayin’ nearby.”

“Thanks, Daddy,” Kokichi sighed. Before squeezing Shuuichi’s hand again. “You have. I’d be happy if you stayed, but our daughter needs us too. I know Maki-chan can take care of her just fine…but… I dunno. I don’t know.”

“I don’t know either.” Shuichi admitted, “But… as chaotic as that was? I’m glad you’re ready to remember now. I’m very proud of you… I love you, Kokichi.” 

Giving Kokichi a small kiss, Shuichi squeezed his hand again, before going to help Maki move things around. 

Kaito, in turn, waited for Ikou to join him in the hallway, before starting to head downstairs with him, keeping his steps slower to match the shorters mans pace. Holding his arms behind his back, a thoughtful look on his face.

As they got a little ways down… “... if this is all a prank? I’m telling you now. This is the last opportunity to tell me before it becomes something I’d consider divorcing your son for. This is… too much. For a joke.”

“I’m glad too,” Kokichi smiled softly. “I love you.”

Ikuo looked up at Kaito before shaking his head. “Woul’ make thin’s easier if it was a prank. But it ain’t. The worl’s much bigger than a lotta folks realize. It’s a lot ta take in, but…” The older man trailed off for a moment, seemingly just…taking in the world around them, even if it was just the staircase. “...once that all settles in? Ya realize it ain’t really that diff’rent. Folk’s ‘r folks.”

Ikuo looked at Kaito out of the corner of his eye. “Yer husband an’ daughter ‘r still the same folks they always were to ya. They just got a few quirks, ‘s all.”

“... I’m not going to freak out.” Kaito whispered, clearly saying it to himself. “Kokichi needs me. He almost lost it earlier. I don’t really understand what’s happening right now, if I’m honest. But whatever this is had Kokichi shaking like a leaf. It felt really clear, for a second there. It was like I understood exactly what Kokichi was feeling, for a second, like all of his feelings were just… dropped into my head. And I knew what to say, because I understood…”

“...but I can barely comprehend what all of that was, now. I just know it was a lot. Kokichi’s dealing with a lot. I have to be there for him. I can’t lose it. I won’t. I’m going to be a good husband. I’m gonna go up there with some broiled spinach. I’m gonna ask them to make it tasty. He’s gonna eat some iron. And he’s going to talk to me. And he’s going to feel safe. And I’m going to take care of him. I promise, Ikou.”

So Kokichi had already been communicating with him. In all honesty, it was a little jarring for a psychic to just pop somethin’ down in your head, but…it was convenient. And as long as they talked to each other about it, Ikuo had faith it would be okay. 

Still, Ikuo looked at Kaito for a moment before adjusting his hat. “...I do ‘ppreciate ya, Kaito.”

“...d’ya know how I found out ‘bout Bunny, when he was a babe? I foun’ myself in ‘is room in th’ middle ‘a the night fer the third night in a row without havin’ remembered even gettin’ up,” Ikuo shared, voice quiet. “An’ I thought ta myself, damn, I got a magic baby.”

“I ne’er knew all that ‘e could do, got caught wi’ my ass in the wind all th’ time. But I knew Bunny needed me--he was jus’ a li’l toddler, after all. But…ya can’t live jus’ takin’ nonsense all th’ time. No one can.” Ikuo sighed. “Had a nervous breakdown after ‘Kich’ tried ta make friends with the snakes in the garden. I had a kid that could put thoughts in my head and coul’ make all ‘is toddler hedonistic dreams come true. It was too much.”

“Course, I never though’ ‘bout leavin’ ‘Kich’...seriously, anyway. But…I needed time ta myself ta cope. Time ta…jus’ be a person pointin’ at all the batshi’ stuff happenin’. And…everythin’ got easier after that. Had an easier time acceptin’ the craziness, though I needed that time every now an’ then.”

Ikuo turned to Kaito. “Make yerself a safe space with a friend ‘r two ya can trust, an’ lose it a li’l bit, at least. You’ll feel better fer it.”

“Right… that makes sense…” 

They walked a bit more.

“...I’m sorry Kokichi did what as a toddler??” 

-

“I don’t know if this is the right thing to do.” Shuichi said, as he and Maki pulled the nursery crib into her room. “Should we really leave them alone with this? Maybe it’s better if we just stay. Trying to handle this as a group.”

“We are going to handle this as a group.” Maki said, tucking the crib by her bed. “But we’re not all mentally in the same headspace. You and I have been coping with this together for weeks. Kaito and Kokichi just found out.”

“Kokichi’s known for a y—”

“Kokichi’s known for an hour. The version of Kokichi that we’ve been spending our days with? Just found this out. He’s merged with the version that we’ve spent our nights with, but don’t be naive… until an hour ago? Kokichi was two different people. Living two different experiences.” Maki said, crossing arms and looking sternly at Shuichi, “Two people no more the same person than me and the dragon squatting in my head is. So long as the conscious is separated by memories? Then you can’t count that as one person. Not until those memories are shared. And now that Kokichi isn’t split into two people anymore? Then he has to cope with everything the waking side of him just learned, regardless of what the dream knew.”

“...you’ve put a lot of thought into this, huh?” Shuichi asked, giving her a tired look.

“Kokichi told me that one day I’ll get the dragons memories back, and that the god Bathul warned me that I was in danger of being erased once that happened.” Maki said, eyes narrowing as she stared at the ground, “I don’t remember having that conversation. But Kokichi told me I was confident I would be fine. That I didn’t hesitate to accept the deal… I don’t know what that Maki knew, but she knew something. Understood something I haven't grasped yet. And if I don’t want to be erased someday? I have to know what it was she understood so quickly, in her brief life… so, yes. I’ve been putting a lot of thought into it.”

“Okay… but even if you and I have had more time to deal with this, doesn’t that mean even more we should be there for them?”

“Would you have felt better, if during us lamenting, Kokichi and Kaito, already knowing everything, kept interrupting us trying to get our heads around it by telling us ‘it’d be okay, there’s nothing to worry about’?”

“... no.” Shuichi admitted. “I wouldn’t have wanted to argue with them. But that would have been frustrating. Because there’s a lot to worry about.”

“Exactly. And we had room to gripe about it together and think it through with someone else in the same boat. They need that now. They can join us on the other side of that hurdle later.” Maki said, “Let’s give them space. It’s the best thing we can do for them. We’ll be here when they’re ready to talk about what’s next.”

“...yeah.” Shuichi sighed, “Okay.”

-

Kokichi…wasn’t left with much to do once everyone left. There wasn’t much he wanted to do, but he collected his plate from the window seat and started munching on the last of his cantaloupe, not…really tasting much of it. 

…he’d done it. He remembered. A year of experiments and revelations and…he knew, now. No more trying to play the game sending messages to people in their sleep while trying to make sure he wouldn’t be a zombie the next day. He could just…talk. To his family, anyway. 

Kokichi sat back on their pillows with a sigh, gently pressing his palms over his eyes. Man, his eyes hurt…

…

{Alter Ego?}

{I’m here.}

{Chibi Kaito’s being a brat, by the way. Apparently re-shifting all of your memories around was a hell of an adrenaline rush, because he is very smug right now. You would think looking at him that he just punched the moon into orbit.}

Kokichi snorted. What a little guy. 

…how was he supposed to go into his mindscape when he was awake? He’d never just…not been there when he was asleep. But it was still a part of him, so…he should be able to…

Kokichi took a deep breath and relaxed against his bed, filling his awareness into his mind like pouring water into a weird aquarium. He could feel Alter Ego’s presence, could feel his fatigue, a certain tenderness in his head, but…

Kokichi opened his eyes in his room, blinking down at Alter Ego with a quiet, tired fondness. “Alright…where is he?”

Alter Ego’s little kitty face looked fond, clearly pleased with Kokichi’s quick progress, before gesturing towards Chibi Kaito, who was moving books around on Kokichi’s bookcase, “He’s been reorganizing your room since this started. I told him you were just going to end up moving everything back, but he gave me the finger and kept doing it.”

Kokichi’s room, in his mental scape, was basically exactly the same… unless you focused on any part of it. And then things got a little confusing. 

In the realm of the medium? Let me paint you a picture that none of the inhabitants of this world would understand. Imagine a video game, where you have a room that looks entirely normal, but every time you click on an aspect of the room? Suddenly an entire hud of information and options fills up your screen, spreading like branches from the focus point of the entirely ordinary object. An impossible and near incomprehensible amount of information and versatility, hidden behind the avatar of an ordinary object. 

That, at least in this moment, until Kokichi could get it under control again, was what had happened to his room. Chibi Kaito in the chaos and confusion having, during the sheer refinement his system had been forced to go through to accommodate the brute force wake-up Kokichi had just put himself through, refurbished Kokichi’s room to have perfect and easy access to the whole of Kokichi’s mind. Like a massive, all-encompassing, maybe slightly too much menu screen to everything Kokichi knew.

Chibi Kaito had evolved in the last hour. The construct having gone through a massive update that it still didn’t quite understand how to use but was enjoying playing with anyway. And Chibi Kaito had a total swagger in his footsteps as he happily moved around components of the new HUD around arbitrarily, playing around with his new abilities.

Though, when Chibi Kaito looked over his shoulders and saw Kokchi there… his smugness melted into excitement.

ヾ(＠^▽^＠)ﾉ!!! Big ’Kichi! Look! Look what he did!!

Kokichi took a look around, and though everything looked the same…this was his head. Veneers were helpful for understanding certain concepts, but everything was still there, and looking at what had happened to his room. 

“...no wonder I’m feeling overwhelmed,” he murmured, wincing just a tad. It was like everything he knew and experienced was being crammed into a tiny space… That may have worked for Shuuichi’s library, but…the library was much bigger than their room. 

Still, Kokichi smiled as he walked over to Chibi Kaito, reaching down to give the creature a few pats. “You having fun? I bet there’s a lot more you can do now…but this is a bit much for me.”

Giving Chibi Kaito a considering look, Kokichi sat down next to it. “...I’m gonna have to tell Kai-chan about you sooner rather than later now, huh. I’m…really not sure how that conversation’s gonna go.”

“...I still don’t really know what he thinks… He’s just…overwhelmed, which, like, granted. He’s trying to keep it together. And I know he’s not…” Kokichi trailed off, his expression pinching in. He knew Kaito wasn’t going to hate him because of his ability--even if it was with a memory, Kokichi trusted that exercise. But…there was a lot more for Kaito to be mad about and…well. It hadn’t been the best way for someone to take news like this well. 

Kokichi dropped his head in his hands. “...why didn’t I tell him sooner…”

“You didn’t want to invade his mind as someone that wasn’t entirely yourself, to drop a bunch of information on him that during the day you wouldn’t be able to help him with.” Alter Ego reminded him gently, huffing slightly as Chibi Kaito happily smooshed his face up into Kokichi’s hand, before fretting slightly at him when Kokichi took his hand back to bury his own face into it. “You wouldn’t have done it to Shuichi and Maki if you could have helped it. Shuichi forced your hand, remember?”

“Yeah…” Kokichi pressed his fingertips into his eyebrows as if he was trying to smooth away a tension headache in an unconventional manner. He knew why he did it. But… “...it still means that he was the last to know. I could’ve…made any sort of decision after Shuu-chan made that deal to make sure Kai-chan knew. But I didn’t. And now…he just rushed his family to medical, desperately hoping there hadn’t been another Poppy poisoning ‘cause what we were talking was nonsense, and then just…had to accept that we were all talking the truth. His whole family knew before him…”

“...I feel like garbage. I can never do anything right by Kai-chan.”

“You’re not being fair to yourself. If there was a ‘correct’ way to handle this, I couldn’t even begin to guess what it was supposed to be.” Alter Ego sighed, jumping off the bed and trotting over to Kokichi, hopping onto his lap. “But, if I don’t know what the right way to do this was, I do know I’ve spent the last six months watching you try over and over and over to do right by your husband. You weren’t always perfect, as your friend I can say that, but as your friend? I can also say you always tried your absolute best. If you ever failed, which I don’t believe you did, it was not due to lack of effort. You were always thinking of your husband.”

-

Meanwhile…

Kaito, after a few minutes of confusion, had just left the bowl of warm spinach in front of Kokichi, went to go sit on the desk again, and just quietly continued to eat. Blinking tiredly as Kokichi continued to sit and mumble to himself, his gaze entirely unseeing. Kaito was making out every other sentence, and he was pretty sure Kokichi was talking about him… huh.

His husband limply shifted his arms slightly. What was that? Was he petting something? Huh. That’s a new one. This was all a new one, but eh. That was the newest thing of the new things. 

-

Kokichi sighed but smiled a little at Alter Ego getting comfy in his lap, starting to pet down the cat’s body. “...I am trying. Sometimes it just…doesn’t feel like trying is enough. Or that I’m making the same mistakes over and over… Sometimes it feels like I really am learning. I can be there for him, and…we talk, and sort stuff out and…even if it’s not happy, it’s good.”

Sighing, Kokichi closed his eyes again and bit his lip. “...but it feels like for every moment of those, I just…drop the ball right after. I’m not going to give up, because I love him, and I’m never going to give up on him, but…I just wish I was better. That I didn’t keep doing things that leave him overwhelmed and angry and trying to find solid ground…I don’t want to do that to him.”

“I mean… Kaito does do the same thing to you.” Alter Ego reminded him, looking up with their golden eyes, while Chibi Kaito tucked himself into Kokichi’s side, pouting a little bit that his amazing menu room wasn’t being appreciated enough. Look at it! Look at what he did! It was amazing! See that pen over on the desk!? Everything Kokichi had EVER WRITTEN was in there! 

Sure, seeing all of Kokichi’s writing all at once was maybe not… comprehensible… but it was still pretty cool that you could do that!

“You’ve been overwhelmed and frustrated by the things he drops on you. It’s not like it’s all one-sided. I’m not saying that you both doing it justifies either of your doing it, but… I think what I am saying is that maybe it’s unavoidable? So long as either of you are going through anything dramatic, it’s going to effect the other person, because you both are invested in each other. It seems unavoidable… I say as the culmination of four different people who all were mostly single their whole lives.” Alter Ego shrugged, “So, kinda honestly, what do I know.”

Kokichi put a hand around Chibi Kaito, holding him close as well, though he gave the little creature a half-amused look, sensing it’s impatience. He’d probably sort out all the index stuff tonight…if he didn’t just pass out from exhaustion. 

Still… 

Every now and then Kokichi couldn’t help but remember something Dr. Mariah had said. That if circumstances had been just a little different, she wouldn’t be advocating for them to stay together. Kokichi truly believed that they made each other better, but… They did tend to form negative feedback loops around each other. 

But…feeling pain because you care about someone was just…part of the package. There were toxic relationships, but…as long as there truly was more happiness than pain…

“...yeah. Maybe you’re right…” Kokichi sighed, scritching behind their ears before his smile quirked a little. “...mostly single?”

“Hiro dates every now and again, and Mondo had an on again, off again thing that become permanently ‘off’ when he volunteered for the Luminary party.” Alter Ego shrugged again, “Probably a blessing, honestly, that we never had anything terribly serious lined up.”

“...mostly single?” Kaito asked, raising an eyebrow. “Alright, that one I can’t follow at all. Who’s mostly single?”

Kokichi nodded, giving Alter Ego a soft look, before…

Kokichi blinked wide, jolting. Kaito? He rapidly blinked, slowly the real world superimposing itself over his mindscape, really not helped by the fact they were the same place, and…and…

“Urg,” Kokichi grunted, holding his head and snapping his eyes shut, a headache like a large boulder rolling around starting to squish at his head. “K-Kai-chan?”

Squinting his eyes open to just the real world now, Kokichi huffed a few breaths, though they quickly evened. “...how long…?”

Kaito raised his eyebrows a little, before glancing down at his bowl, “Mmmmm half a bowl of spinach’s worth. But, like, with small bites, so… twenty minutes? Twenty-five?” 

Kaito peered at Kokichi, seeing his husbands hand go to his temple as his purple eyes winced, “...gave yourself a headache, doing whatever all of that was? Want a painkiller?”

{Want me to stay? I remember from Chihiro that dividing your attention while you’re awake takes some getting used too.}

Twenty-five minutes… There was a lot he needed to learn, huh. 

“Sorry about that…” Kokichi rubbed his head. “I was talking with my mentor… I’ve never had to…like…be in two places at once like that before, though. Since…yanno. I’ve only done stuff like this while I’m asleep…”

He sighed. “...I’m gonna wait a sec before getting a painkiller. Maybe it was just…a momentary thing.”

{I think I’m going to be okay. Thanks for coming, though. I’ll talk to you later.}

Blinking again, refocusing on reality, Kokichi gave his husband a sheepish look. “...I’m sorry about all this.”

“Don’t be. Eat your spinach. Your irons low.” Kaito said, gesturing to the bowl next to Kokichi with his fork, before going back to eating his own, the hard points of the prong clinking against the bowl as he said, “They put some seasoning and a little sprinkle of cheese on it, it’s good.”

Kaito focused on his own bowl, spinning the spinach around on his fork into a large clump, before lifting it up… and letting most of it fall back into the bowl, before eating what remained on the fork. Having been making a sort of game out of it for himself while he listened to Kokichi. 

“...Alter Ego?” Kaito asked. “That’s the friend I haven't met then? Your psychic mentor?”

…Kaito was talking in short sentences…

Kokichi frowned softly but nodded, picking up the bowl inexplicably in front of him--he’d really been out of it, huh--and starting to dig in. Not something he’d mix with the rest of his salad, but…it was tasty enough, he guessed. There was some kind of pepper mix in it. Probably not in Kaito’s. 

They ate in silence for a moment, but Kokichi’s eyes flipped up to Kaito, for a moment confused if he’d even mentioned Alter Ego by name, but…well, there were plenty of other people to clue Kaito in. Because they all knew. 

…he’d mentioned Alter Ego as a friend before during one of his lapses. Right.

Kokichi nodded softly. “Yeah. They came to watch over me when everything was happening and…I was checking in.” Kokichi paused before giving Kaito a tentative, yet hopeful smile. “...I’d love to introduce you two sometime, if you want. They’re…they’re great. I don’t know what I would’ve done this past year without them.”

Kaito’s brow furrowed. Meet them? Well, he supposed he could, but… “...um, so, I thought there was a small possibility that I had definitely, uh… misheard you or… ‘misheard’ something at the time but… didn’t you say Alter Ego was a cat? A golden cat?”

Kokichi nodded again before he sighed, swallowing his mouthful of spinach. “They are. I think I should explain… In the mindscape? Which…is just what I call it, I dunno if there’s an agreed upon term…but anything I do that I’m not…like, physical? In there, imagination rules supercede everything, and…the person that you’re “in” is the one that sets those rules. So…as the form you interact with, an Empath can choose…basically anything to look like. And even a non-psychic person can look different, but that’s usually not in their control, from what I understand.”

“So…Alter Ego looks like a cat, because that’s the easiest form for them.”

“Sure, sure… makes sense.” Kaito mused, once again rolling up a large forkful of spinach, making it as big as he could, before lifting it off the bowl, lazily watching to see what clumps of it fell before eating what was left over. Pretty decent amount stayed on that time. He was getting good at this.

“...so, they’re not actually a cat.” Kaito said, poking at his bowl some more. “Are they a furry? Dicea has furries, right? I feel like that’s the sort of thing that would cross the border. Maybe they wouldn’t have the same name, but we call them ‘furries’. People who like to dress up as animals, kinda, like… identify as those animals, to varying degrees… no judgment, if your mentor is a furry. They can be an odd bunch, but they’re harmless enough… I’m not judging.”

…it really only made sense once you saw it. But Kokichi hoped he provided a decent enough explanation. 

Nodding at Kaito getting that Alter Ego wasn’t truly a cat, Kokichi then paused, not…really having considered that. …did that count? Alter Ego was more than just the sum of four people, and they did take on the mannerisms and…well, lifestyle, sort of, of a cat. Did…that count as being a furry?

“...I’m not actually sure…” Kokichi hummed. “They’re not particularly sensitive about it, but Alter Ego is…kind of an anomaly, for an Empath. I mean…I am too, but in a different way. But…Alter Ego doesn’t…really have a form outside of being a cat, so…I’m not sure that counts? Maybe I’ll ask them next time we talk.”

“Mmm. Yeah, you should do that.” Kaito nodded. 

More silence. Kaito was running out of spinach. Which was pretty tragic. He literally had no idea what to do, once the spinach ran out. What? Did he continue living his life after it was done? Did he start to ask questions that mattered? Think about this for longer than a second at a time? That seemed unreasonable. Maybe the answer was to go get more spinach…

“...anomaly?”

Kokichi chewed on his spinach a bit before nodding. “Empaths are…diverse. They might just be people who are a little better at reading the room than the average person. They can be people that have complete domain over their own minds. They can be people who can visit others, or send intent--the…like, mind messages.”

“...then, there are really strong Empaths,” Kokichi continued, gaze on his bowl. “Who can not only visit other people, but…can change things while they’re there. …and then there’s me. I’m not experienced, but…it’s looking likely that I’m probably one of the strongest Empaths that there’s ever been. At least in remembered history. And…Alter Ego has a different thing going on. They aren’t that fussed about it, like I said, but…it feels wrong to explain it without at least asking them first.”

Kaito stared at Kokichi for a while… before returning to his bowl of spinach.

Clink-clink- spiiiiin… plop. Barely any spinach stayed on that time. Bummer.

“Well… that makes sense. If my ‘Kichi was going to be a mind-magician or whatever, obviously he was going to be one of the best anyones ever seen. And, like… it's based on empathy, right? You got empathy in spades, it makes sense you’d be, just, the best at empathy-based powers.” clink-clink- spiiiiin, “Yeah. Makes sense.”

Plop.

“...so, uh…” Kaito winced slightly, entirely unconscious of it, “...uh, I wanted to ask if there was anything else I should know, but, like… what kind of secret could compete with ‘your daughter and I are extremely powerful mind-benders’? Like… there’s no way there’s anything else. No way.”

…Kaito didn’t hate him. Kokichi knew this. It was just a lot to take in, and Kaito had never been good at processing things immediately. He didn’t hate him. Didn’t think he was a freak and a horrible husband and…insane…

Kokichi swallowed uncomfortably and hunched into his shoulders a bit. “Um…about that… You know how Thalia talked to you about babies like Miya?”

There was so much more. So much. Kokichi wished the world would swallow him.

Clink, clink, clink– “Okay, I think that’s about as much spinach as I can eat.” Kaito decided, putting the bowl aside and clasping his hands together, digging his nails into this joints a bit, staring intently at Kokichi, “...wanna break into your candy stash?”

Kaito didn’t really want sugar. If he was honest, he wanted a strong cup of ale and too loud music and a cloud of sweet smelling smoke to hide in among people he barely knew. He wanted to not find out that there was something else with his baby girl. Something about his own fucking daughter that no one had decided was worth telling him. 

But Kaito couldn’t get the things he wanted. So, like… sharing a pastry with Kokichi was a distant but decent second. 

He felt like crying again. But his eyes hurt too much and he was too tired. 

…he hated this. 

“...no thanks…” Kokichi murmured before taking a breath and just…trying to power through. “...it’s…not really anything new. Just that…I guess, ‘babies like Miya’ have a name. They’re a people called Flora. What Thalia told you is…pretty much the long and short of it.”

“...exceptFlorahaveahivemind,” Kokichi muttered quickly, curling into himself.

“... well, I’m gonna have some candy.” Kaito decided. 

Kaito went to go open up Kokichi’s candy drawer, looking through it. Hmm… man, look at all that… eh. Katio was never really going to get the hype. Most of this looked so unappealing by itself. He supposed he could have some licorice ropes. Yeah, that’d be nice… but which color was the thing…

“...babe, I don’t really understand what that means.” Kaito murmured, looking between the varying colors. “Are Flora empaths? Are… are you a Flora? Or… isn’t a hivemind, like, uh… I dunno, everyone sharing one brain? Is that why you’re so empathetic?”

Kaito looked over his shoulder, a look of realization on his face as he asked, “Are Diceans all part of a hivemind??”

Honestly…Kaito was scaring him a little. But Kokichi wasn’t going to run. They needed to talk about this. Still, he drew their blankets around himself, huddling into them.

At the sign of curiosity, though, it got a little easier. “No,” Kokichi shook his head, “I’m not a Flora--I’m a human. Though there are Flora Empaths--Miyako is one. And while some Diceans are Flora, I’d say pretty confidently that most Diceans aren’t part of a hivemind.”

“...as far as I understand it, Flora are their own individual people, but they all, like…know what each other know, and can…” Kokichi trailed off, struggling to explain. “...they have a hierarchy system? Based on how…powerful, or dominant they are in the hivemind. So someone really high up can…basically influence all the Flora that aren’t as powerful.”

“...Miyako is both a powerful Empath, and a powerful Flora, but…” Kokichi smiled faintly. “...my Empath friends and I have been looking for ways to shield kids from the hivemind. So they can grow up without that sort of influence. Thalia said she would teach them how to do it themselves when they got older.”

…he was gonna go with the green-apple licorice. He liked the coloring. 

Grabbing the roll, Kaito headed to the bed, crawling onto it with Kokichi, quietly unrolling it as his husband explained. Ah, okay… so Miyako was an incredibly powerful mindreader and a powerful… hivemind person. Huh. “...well, having access to a bunch of peoples knowledge doesn’t sound all bad. It’ll probably make teaching her her times-tables someday a breeze.” Kaito mused, popping the slightly unrolled line of licorice into his mouth, sucking on its end.

“...ooooh. Addason. Addason’s the other one, right? Cause we’re talking about pollen babies, aren’t we? Pollen babies make Flora… and Flora are people who are part of some hivemind…” Kaito blinked, sucking on the licorice, “...oooooooh. Okay. That’s  what’s up with Danganronpa… hey, babe, uh… I’ve got something to confess too. I don’t think you should trust our neighbors to the east, they have some really questionable, uh, repopulation policies? Thalia told me about it. Don’t tell anyone else she told me though, I promised I’d keep it to myself.”

“I didn’t want to tell you because I was worried it’d scare you.” Kaito said, still idly chewing on his licorice, “You’re already next door neighbors with one evil country, I thought… well, I guess it still can. Freak you out, I mean. I’m sorry. Danganronpa has some problems as well. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept that from you, but I just kept thinking you’d only just gotten past what a trainwreck Luminary is, and I didn’t want to burden you… Novoselic is actually pretty nice. And I bet there’s lots of totally normal, not evil countries around. And maybe Luminary is on its way to an upswing? So, really, if Luminay can recover, really it’s just Danganronpa that’s the problem…”

“...anyway, yeah. I knew Danganronpa had this big, gross breeding program that they were using the pollen, poppies, whatever, to sustain.” Kaito said, blinking tiredly, “And I decided not to tell you. I’m sorry.”

Kokichi’s mouth twisted down. In some conceptual ways…Kokichi didn’t totally hate the idea of a hivemind. If they were all just…kind and supportive, he could see it being a very loving way for a child to grow up. 

But it wasn’t just that, and the thought of millions of strangers having direct access to his daughter…no way.

However, before Kokichi could even think of a way to get into it, his eyes widened and he looked up at Kaito in surprise. Addason. Danganronpa. The poppies…

…Kaito knew. 

Kaito knew?

Kaito knew and had just been…keeping it to himself. Because…

A soft, warbly laugh came out of Kokichi’s mouth as he turned and rested his forehead on Kaito’s arm. “No…no, I understand. I forgive you.”

“...I am scared. I’m terrified of Danganronpa… A big part of why I freaked out earlier? Was remembering everything about them.” Kokichi let out a few puffs of air, not quite a laugh or a sob or even a cough, but…something in that realm. “Flora, as individuals? They’re just people. People like Thalia, or our Miya… But Danganronpa… Queen Enoshima hates humans… Because of her hatred and racism, so many horrible things have happened and… And how am I just…supposed to cope with that?!”

Kokichi sniffled softly, pressing more against Kaito. “It’s not political… There’s just a country next door that…for no fucking reason wants all humans to be livestock or dead. And knowing that they’re just there is…terrifying…”

“...I’m not mad at you for not telling me. You were protecting your friend, and…” Kokichi’s shoulders slumped though he sat up, looking at Kaito just…defeated. “...there’s nothing we can do. All there is is just…to hope Danganronpa doesn’t decide to wage war. People know about poppies now…we’re always looking into disappearances… I’m going to do everything I can to raise our daughter safely, making sure she can grow up happy, but…there’s nothing we can do.”

Kaito put his arm around Kokichi’s shoulders, pulling him back in and rubbing his husband arm a little as he tucked him into his side. “...raising our daughter safe and sound is something. And ensuring safety measures put in place to deal with poppy infections is a lot, as you and I can personally attest. That will spare a lot of people a lot of pain. And making policies with Danganronpa not entirely blind is something, and would likely have been the thing that got me to break my silence, the days you started leading the country yourself. All of that is a lot already.”

“...and, like, for everything else, we could just send Maki.” Kaito shrugged, rubbing Kokichi’s arm some more, “I know she keeps saying she could ‘never do it again’, but honestly, I think if she just had a new cause then she’d probably be up to helping dismantle another line of succession. If it’s a hivemind situation and Queen Enoshima is the problem? Changing their government would probably be even easier for Maki than changing Luminary was. Piece of cake. The whole ‘hivemind’ thing really simplifies the whole thing, honestly. Doesn’t sound convoluted at all.”

It wasn’t nothing, Kaito was right. Because of their knowledge of what Danganronpa really was, it would save countless people a lot of pain and grief, and…well, more personally, it would let them raise their daughter as best they could. But…it was still scary. Knowing the monsters right next door.

(By monsters, Kokichi of course didn’t mean Flora. He meant the people who would cause suffering for no reason.)

Burrowing into Kaito’s side, Kokichi let out a choked laugh, though he knew Kaito wasn’t entirely suggesting Maki as a joke. “Even if she did manage to do it in stealth, that’s still an act of war… I don’t think I could bring myself to ask her, politically.”

“...and personally, I never want to put Maki-chan in that sort of danger again. I’ve been inclined to put more stock into those rumors about Danganronpa now and…I couldn’t bear to send Maki-chan into something like that.”

Kokichi sighed, leaning against Kaito tiredly. “...for some reason they’ve never invaded in recorded history. So…I’m gonna hope that continues.”

“Mm.” Kaito hummed, not disagreeing. He had just said earlier that he was glad Maki wasn’t out there, like… breaking locks and murdering people, anymore. He didn’t want his Maki to have to do something like that ever again. He wanted his Maki to be soft and calm and a little lazy. He wanted that for all of his loved ones. 

“...” Kaito stared at his legs, before shrugging, “Maybe they’re not the type to ‘invade’. Maybe they’d rather sock-puppet other countries if they can help it, and there’s one twice Dicea’s size with a much less historically stable government that just recently had another upheaval. Could be they ignore Dicea in favor of Luminary? And I know, I know, that sounds like it’s coming out of nowhere,” Kaito said, rolling his eyes a little, “I don’t have a lot of evidence to base that theory on. I’m mostly thinking of Tengan. He had what was arguably the highest seat of government that wasn’t the ruling royal themselves, had steady access to dead forest spores from Danganronpa, and when he went on the run apparently, according to all records, took the Luminary party straight towards the Danganronpa border before they disappeared. So, like… I don’t think it’s that much of a stretch Tengan had loyalties to Danganronpa that likely contributed to our terribly exploitative trade policies that we have with them, including the fact that they have military bases on our land and we don’t have any on theirs.”

“...but that’s just me spit-balling.” Kaito mumbled, blinking slowly, “But yeah, if I was a hive mind? I bet I’d do anything in my power to not go to an actual, army vs. army battle against literally anyone, because, like… all the soldier and civilians and elites are part of a hive mind. How do you convince everyone to want to go to war when you are intimately familiar with everyone you lose. It’s probably impossible. So I’d guess that they'd never invade you, and that Dicea’s government is too stable and close-knit for them to ever infiltrate. So you’re good. I think.”

“...but again. Just guessing.” Kaito said, disentangling himself from Kokichi and laying back, licorice just hanging from his mouth, “I could be entirely wrong. You think Aiichi knows? I bet he does.”

Kokichi slowly turned, looking at Kaito with wide eyes. …Luminary kidnapped Empaths for the Indentured Program--a program Tengan’s direct predecessor started. Some Indentured people had been sent to Danganronpa. If…the Head Secretaries during the Momota reign had always been working for Danganronpa…then the whole purpose of the program was…to send people to Danganronpa who couldn’t fight back, and put them into sexual slavery.

…that would be why the Luminary Empaths would snitch to Flora if anyone tried to undo conditioning. Why no one had been able to sit down with a concentrated effort…because they’d be found by Flora. Who wanted people conditioned. 

Kokichi’s gaze slowly lost focus as he gripped his shirt with shaking hands. 

…there was no way Aiichi knew, right? Kokichi was being prepared to be the next leader, if it was important to lead, he would’ve been told. 

Did Kaede know? With Tengan out of the picture…Shuuichi said that only Chisa had been being prepared to take over from him, and she was gone too. Without the slave trade…what was Danganronpa going to do to Luminary?!

Kokichi started to hear ringing in his ears.

“...’Kichi?” Kaito asked, at first idly, but then with greater concern as he noticed his husbands hands, gripping his shirt so tightly that the knuckles were turning white. Kaito sat up, putting his hand on the back of Kokichi’s neck and massaging it slightly as Kato said, “Kichi. Kokichi. What, what did I say? Dicea’s fine. If I’m guessing right, Dicea’s literally impossible for Danganronpa to mess with. And, like… that would explain it, right? Why they never have, historically? Your country is safe. Your people are safe. The Ouma’s have been taking care of them, it’s already figured out… ‘Kichi?”

“But Luminary’s not!”

While his actual volume was quite normal, the utter desperation and horror in Kokichi’s voice made it sound almost like he was screaming. Another round of painful tears welled up in Kokichi’s already swollen eyes, his hands shaking more. “Luminary’s not safe--y-you just said it! That they’d go after Luminary instead of Dicea. Danganronpa had been taking people from the Indentured Program; without that? I don’t see them just taking it as a loss! I-I…”

A heart-breakingly defeated look came across Kokichi’s face as the tears fell. “...I know it’s not my job… But I can’t… I don’t want your people to die either… I can’t…” He sniffled, coughing a small sob. “...what are they gonna do to Luminary? I don’t want anyone to get hurt anymore…”

Kaito gave Kokichi a concerned, soft look, still rubbing his neck… before huffing. Pulling his husband into his lap, holding him tight and kissing Kokichi’s forehead, “Aw, my poor empath…”

Resting his cheek on Kokichi’s head, rubbing his back soothingly… Kaito said, softly, like he was telling Miyako a story, “Let’s make use of those big, empathetic feelings… Kokichi, imagine this.”

“You’re hungry. You’re hot. Your hands are calloused because all your work has always been hard, and your muscles are hard because you were raised to fight, even if you had never had too. So were all your family. So were all your friends. And your neighbors.”

“And you were raised strong, but with one, all encompassing weakness… there was no fighting the government. There was no rebelling against the elites. It was impossible, and even trying would get you and those you loved hurt. You were raised on that mythos. You believed it your whole life. It didn’t matter how strong you and your family and your neighbors were. The government, the elites, the royal family? They were untouchable. A force of nature. Impossibly powerful and divine, with a terrifying program at their disposal that could send you away to warehouses and imprint themselves into your brain and make you work for the rest of your life, regardless of what they promised otherwise. Impossible to fight and overcome. Don’t even try.”

“...and then someone tries.” Kaito murmured, rubbing Kokichi’s back, “A lot of people. It starts small at first, and only seems to prove the mythos. Pockets of people fighting back and being crushed. But the pockets don’t stop. And suddenly that big, shadowy government figure starts fracturing. Elites siding with the pocket groups of rebels. Those rebels becoming members of your family. People who were your friends. Until, finally, the nation is on the precipice of something, and the eyes fall on you too…”

“And maybe you didn’t physically do anything. Maybe all you did was privately hope… but even just that, even that hope, felt like a rebellion, and suddenly all the impossible things happen. The king and queen fall. The regicidal son is banished. The leader you backed is put on the throne, and the pocket rebels fighting impossible odds are put in positions of power, and on top of all of that, the shadowy program that could have enslaved you at any point… disappears. Toppled. Taken out, by those you considered the lowest among you.”

“God, ‘Kichi… wouldn’t you feel powerful?” Kaito murmured. “Wouldn’t you feel unstoppable? After going through all of that… would you? Or your neighbors? Or your family? Or your country… would you give up an inch of what you all earned? Taking down the impossible?”

“My people are strong, Kokichi.” Kaito said, lines etched beneath his eyes, “And the only thing that ever made them feel weak just fell apart after a year of concentrated pushing. For some not in the know, it happened in a matter of months. Trust me, I’d know. If Danganronpa is coming after them? And they might be… good luck to them. My people aren’t going to give them an inch.”

“After all that, would you?”

Kokichi let Kaito pull him into his lap, curling against him and trying to take shelter in his husband. The world was so…unfathomably big, filled with so many things that didn’t feel far away and seemed to get more tangled up with every step forward he took, and it was only a matter of time before he tripped. Before they wound and constricted and made everything burst and crumble. 

But Kaito told him a story. Of people strong and proud who had been constricted, enough that it weaved into clothes and the raw burns and cuts became expected. But…even bound in the worst ways, some having everything taken from them…they still pulled. They pulled and pushed and used everything in their environment to see if that would be the thing to cut through the bounds and…they had done it. 

Luminary had been taken advantage of by Danganronpa but…

No more. 

Kokichi looked up at Kaito, his vision blurry through tears, and he got up on his knees, pulling Kaito into a tight hug as he buried his face against Kaito’s neck. 

“No,” his voice cracked. “No… I’d fight with everything I had. I wouldn’t let them take anything I’d fought so hard already for.”

“Of course not.’ Kaito said, kissing the space between Kokichi’s watery eyes, before pressing his forehead against his husbands, “That’s how my people feel. If my country is ever in danger of being infiltrated by Danganronpa? It won’t be this generation, and I doubt it’ll be the next one. Maybe our grandkids would drop the ball, but… well, maybe by then things will have changed in Danganronpa. It’s not like Queen Enoshima’s gonna live forever. Maybe her successor will be less of a racist bitch and actually be a decent leader for the hivemind.”

Kaito shrugged, “We can hope, right? But either way. My people, now? Against a force that refuses to invade them in a real right? They’ll be fine. They can take on anything.” 

…Flora did live a long time, but…yeah. What he understood from Thalia’s explanation was that succession was based more on ‘bigness’ so…maybe. Maybe in two generations…things would be different. 

“Flora live a long time, but…hopefully,” Kokichi decided to distill, placing a small kiss on Kaito’s cheek “...Luminary’s gonna be okay. Your people are strong and clever and resilient. They’re gonna be okay.”

“...even if I don’t trust Kaede much,” Kokichi sighed.

“Well, you shouldn’t, she’s a betrayer and a schemer.” Kaito huffed, “But if that’s how the Danganronpa people have been controlling mine, historically? Maybe a sneaky bitch of a leader is exactly what Luminary needs for any battles ahead. I mean, honestly… like, is it that surprising to think my dad was being run circles around by some species that… species that…”

“...oh my god is Miyako a different species from me?” Kaito whispered, eyes going wide.

Hey, maybe. If there was anything Kokichi could trust Kaede on, it was being able to play the field for her own purposes. Maybe that would be beneficial against…whatever Danganronpa would decide to do about the fact they weren’t a part of international human trafficking anymore. 

Assholes.

Kokichi gently wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, wincing a little at the tenderness before he nodded. “Yeah. Again, Thalia did give us the rundown about what that means for us…apparently it’s…just kind of a ‘thing’ that Flora are good at being raised by other species.”

“...she’s our little buff baby,” Kokichi smiled softly at Kaito.

“... the buffest, apparently.” Kaito groaned, digging his palm into his eyes, “A strong empath, a strong… Flora-person. Really good baby-leg kicks, though admittedly, that seems less impressive now than the other two… oh god what the hell can I possibly teach a magical super baby… Ikou said you used to summons snakes. For fun. He said I didn’t even want to know about the bird incident.”

“Oh, fuck, my husband is a mind reader and so is my baby… is Shuichi a mind reader? I mean, you’d think I’d know, but fuck it I think I just need to accept I’m always going to be the last to know anything… I’m so out of my depth…”

Kokichi groaned a bit at the bird incident, but he calmed down soon enough, rubbing Kaito’s back in the hug. “You can teach her why summoning snakes is dangerous, and why it’s important not to crash people’s dreams just ‘cause she’s bored. You’re gonna teach her familial love, and how to tell the best stories, and how to pay attention to your friends to know just what they need…cause not even being a strong Empath can just tell you how to do that.”

“I might be able to feel what you’re feeling, but that doesn’t always mean I understand it, or what to do next. I heard this ages ago just about the concepts, but…empathy means nothing without compassion. And she would learn that best from you.”

Almost chuckling, Kokichi shook his head as he buried his face back in Kaito’s neck. “Shuu-chan’s not a mind-reader. He has really good awareness of his own mind, but…nothing that would be an actual ability, as far as I can tell.”

“...you know… Shuu-chan took me to a cafe in Luminary, in his memories. It’s something I’d wanna have a longer conversation about, for boundaries, but…if there’s anything you’ve ever wanted to show me? That’s something we could explore together.”

After a moment, Kokichi shyly sat back to look up at Kaito. “...it’s been a stressful day already. But…some day. I would like to share my feelings with you. About how I feel about you.”

“...” Kaito’s face looked complicated for a moment… before he gave Kokichi a sad, tired smile. “... it’s funny. That’s both wonderful, and just… it’s exciting. And amazing. It’s honestly more than I had ever really allowed myself to dare hope for, from the world, that someone can do what you do. Have experiences like you did. It’s beautiful…”

“...” Kaito’s eyes went red, just hurt etching every line of it as he said, “Why did you keep it from me? I don’t understand… I don’t understand. How you all, all of you, can keep looking me in the face and just… lie to me. Ask each other to lie to me. Over and over… should I just expect it? Should I stop asking for anything else? After enough times, maybe it’s just better to acknowledge this isn’t something you guys can give me… I can’t stop wanting it, but I can stop asking…I promised myself last time was going to be the last time, and I just… I can’t follow through on that. It hurts too much, to even consider it.”

“But this…” Kaito gave Kokichi an imploring look, tears running down his face in hot streaks as Kaito said insistently, “... Kokichi, you kept the species of our daughter from me. Shuichi and Maki both kept it from me too. You all were… visiting each other in your dreams, visiting me, apparently, and I’m the only one who never knew… and after keeping Maki’s assasination plot from me, you promised me no more big secrets… Kokichi, these are big secrets. Why… what do I have to do to get you guys to stop?”

…he hated it. 

Kokichi hated himself. Because…all he wanted was to close his eyes and cry. To go hide in the closet. To fling himself out to Lake Lossax and drown himself. 

He hated himself. 

Because Kaito was right. 

He had wanted to tell Kaito first. But he didn’t. Maybe he did have an excuse at first, not having a way to do it… Even if he’d known how to directly talk to a person’s surface consciousness, what was Kaito supposed to think after waking up? He was already on the lookout for hallucinations, and Kokichi wouldn’t be able to confirm anything in the physical world. 

But after Temp told Shuuichi? There was no excuse. After Kokichi learned how to talk to surface consciousnesses, after they all started making plans together…hell after Kokichi started putting in a concentrated effort towards making himself remember? He could’ve told Kaito at any time, and Kaito would’ve been able to get the support and confirmation he needed and…

…Kokichi hadn’t.

The only words on his tongue were that he had wanted to tell Kaito first, but…fat lot of good intentions were. 

“...I’m sorry…” Kokichi managed to squeak out, even his recent last batch of tears not enough to keep a new set from falling over. “You shouldn’t… You sh-shouldn’t have to ask…we shouldn’t keep things from you… I didn’t want… I didn’t want to…”

“I wanted to tell you as me. Every time I talked to people or versions of you…I wanted to tell you every time, but I wanted to tell you as me. But…but I fucked it all up… A-and you’re right… You…”

“I’m sorry…”

“Aw, babe…” Kaito sighed, rubbing his own forehead and giving Kokichi a tired look, “...damn. Damn… you’re gonna give yourself wrinkles at twenty-one by this point. Hold on.”

Kaito looked around, frowning before he remembered, ah, right, they were tucked in the desk. Scooting off the bed, Kaito pulled out a small box of tissue, ripping open the unopened top and tossing it aside as he went back to the bed, noticing Smug Rabbit at the base of the bed and snatching him up, tossing him onto the bed as he sat down again. “Here we go. You know these things have moisturizer in the tissue? That’ll help with that dry, crackly feeling around your eyes a little… not much we can do for the puffiness, unless we put an ice-pack on them… you’re gonna have such thick bags later, people are gonna think I punched you in the face twice…”

Dabbing the tissue around Kokichi’s eyes as carefully as he could, Kaito wiped down Kokichi’s cheek, frowning as more tears just chased the dried lines, “...I hate making you cry. You’re a pretty crier, but that doesn’t make it any easier…”

“... there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to say I forgive you.” Kaito admitted. “Not because I don’t. I have. Already. I forgave you immediately. The second I realized it had happened… and I hate that. I know maybe it doesn’t feel very good in the moment, but this is the exact same thing that worried me about you forgiving me right away… I wish we could hate each other, sometimes. Walk away from each other, at least for a day or two. Hold ourselves in high enough esteem that things like this really are too much.”

“... but I’d hate to leave you to cry.” Kaito whispered. “I love you so much… I just immediately find myself hoping, well… maybe he won’t do it next time… which I’m sure is why you keep giving me chance after chance after chance, no matter how many times I mess it up. Isn’t it agonizing…”

Kokichi wished Kaito wouldn’t. Some part of him wished Kaito would give him a withering stare and tell him to get out, and…Kokichi would. He’d go find some spare bedroom to claim, and…in the morning still Kaito wouldn’t want to talk to him, and while that might ease over time, it would be left to Kokichi to prove that he was better than his bad decisions.

But Kaito would never do that, and Kokichi knew. 

And apparently it was what Kaito wanted too. 

Kokichi just looked at Kaito as he started to wipe his face, the tissue as gentle as could be. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling, though he did try to keep his sniffling down. But…he couldn’t keep himself from reaching out, holding onto the bottom of Kaito’s shirt. “...I hate this… Everyone keeps saying I’m trying my best but…fuck my best if it’s something that keeps hurting you! From the first time you ever shared with me that someone hurt you, tha - that’s all I never wanted to be. I never wanted to be another person that just keeps hurting you…but I am. And I hate myself. And I hate myself even more, ‘cause I hate myself enough to plead for your forgiveness and stick around…and I hate myself for knowing that if I left I’d be hurting you too.”

“I hate this…” he whined, another flood of hot, angry, guilty tears running down his cheeks.

“I built a fucking construct of you to always be with me, b-because you’re the person I trust and rely on most, and I still…I can still barely treat you like a person…”

“...okay, admittedly I was right with you until that last bit, and then I got a little lost.” Kaito said, something attempting humor in his tone. Realizing there was just too many tears right now, Kaito made a small defeated sound, dropping his hand and just looking over Kokichi, hating those tears. He was always making his husband cry…

“...I never wanted to be someone who hurts you either.” Kaito said softly, “I never wanted to make you feel small or weak or helpless, and yesterday I just… forgot all of that and pushed you past your limit because I was caught up in the rush. And I know that’s not the same thing as the first few times I hurt you, but it felt the same. Me just… getting caught up in my own excitement and forgetting your needs.”

“And you…” Kaito shrugged, “I don’t know what keeps motivating you to lie to me. But for all of our therapy? I guess we haven't managed to fix those base issues yet. My selfishness and your… whatever it is. We’re gonna keep working on it, but… it hurts, doesn’t it? It feels awful…”

“... I can’t bring myself to ask you not to do it again.” Kaito said softly, “I feel like a naive idiot every time the words itch towards my tongue. Could you say it anyway? Without me having to ask?”

Kokichi couldn’t even bring himself to try and begin to explain. Just more secrets…

Kokichi’s shoulders dropped in a rush of air. Had it been only yesterday? Kokichi didn’t blame Kaito for that…but it still felt the same. And Kokichi forgave him immediately. He had forgiven Kaito for choking him and raping him and being too overbearing their first times together…

They forgave each other for things they shouldn’t. They couldn’t bear not to be together, even when it hurt. 

“...I don’t know… I don’t know why I keep doing it… I know I was scared of telling you. That I wanted to tell you and still remember in the morning. …I didn’t trust you with Maki-chan’s plan…”

…did he just…not trust Kaito? Everything in his body said no, but…

Kokichi huffed, looking up. “I don’t want to do it again. I won’t keep secrets from you again. I don’t want to keep you in the dark… I want to share everything with you.”

“...yeah.” Kaito said, his eyes looking to the left, unable to look at Kokichi as he said, “Of course. Good. That’s good.”

Kaito wasn’t trying to be cruel. And for everything he had learned that day, he still didn’t really comprehend what Kokichi was capable of… so he wasn’t trying to be openly bare about how entirely he didn’t believe him. His total doubt. It just came over him in a rush, his disbelief, as Kokichi promised him again. Sure.

Kaito rubbed his forehead some more. Damn, he was going to get wrinkles by this point… before he suddenly chuckled. “Damn… this isn’t the sort of thing we can tell Dr. Mariah, huh? Wow… talk about hitting rapids without a paddle, huh… maybe we can make it all sound like a metaphor?”

…it was different, than how it had been. 

This time… This time it felt like having a cold bucket of water dumped suddenly over his head, and Kokichi couldn’t help the full-body cringe he went through as he felt just…how little stock Kaito put in that promise. 

And…heart-broken, Kokichi couldn’t help his response. The outflooding of his own feelings, his guilt and remorse and that desperate want he’d felt months and months ago to tell Kaito, his emotions of anticipation and glee and love every time he’d told a memory or a construct or Akane. His desperation, telling Shuuichi that he’d wanted to tell Kaito first. And now the burning, deep desire within him to never betray that trust he didn’t deserve again. 

Caught up in it himself, Kokichi could only shrug a little, stuttering, “M-maybe…”

Kaito didn’t know what that was… but as a flood of foriegn feelings, feelings outside of himself, barreled in, each one hot and burning and complicated and connected to memories he had no context for, love and earnestness and regret and remorse–

Kaito’s eyes widened, alarmed, “Kokichi, stop!”

Kokichi jolted like he’d sat down in a hot pan, eyes widening in horror for just a split second before - 

“AAH!”

He slammed his hands over his ears as he let out a short scream, his own feelings, already on a spiral without even feeling Kaito’s, or having another thing to feel bad about…

In less than a second Kokichi hopped up from the bed and threw open the door, sprinting down the hall.

“Wait, wait, no, fuck, I’m sorry… fuck.” Kaito cursed, reaching forward to try to catch his husband by his arm before he ran off, but Kokichi had always been faster than him. Kaito’s whole body was still shivering, the adrenaline from the sudden rush of foriegn emotions coursing through him, making his physically-emotion based body tense up, every inch of him prepping for something. His body didn’t know what, fight, flight, fuck, maybe just pacing around the room or hitting the walls, but whatever it was, Kaito just hadn’t been ready for it… Kokichi’s emotions hitting him like the damn trains Miu dreamt of, barreling through their room.

Kaito hadn’t meant to react like that… he just hadn’t been ready for something like that to course through him. He hadn’t…

Fuck he needed to catch up with Kokichi or his husband was going to do something stupid.

That fear was much stronger than his alarm at whatever Kokichi had just done, and Kaito ripped out of the bed, running as hard as he could, his mind fixated on catching up with Kokichi. Not seeing him in the hall, Kaito bolted to where the hallway ended, looking over the banister, searching for where his husband may have run to.

He felt bad. So many bad things all at once that it could only be classified that far up the umbrella. 

He’d betrayed his husband’s trust. He’d sent his boyfriend into a panic attack, and hadn’t been able to help himself or reassure anyone while he got his memories back. He’d been…basically using Kaito for months, talking to him in states of deeper consciousness while never even trying to tell him the truth. He’d hidden what their daughter was. He was so pathetic that Kaito could barely keep his anger up to be mad at him. He’d, without consent or warning, forced his feelings on another person. 

…he didn’t deserve to live. 

Kokichi wasn’t running, trying to find a place to die. He wasn’t that far gone, but…

…he didn’t want to be there anymore. He didn’t want to be anywhere, where he just…kept fucking things up. Alter Ego, Shuuichi…they all reassured him that he was trying, that he meant well, but NONE OF THAT MATTERED IF HE KEPT HURTING PEOPLE!

Nails digging into his scalp, Kokichi felt his foot catch on the stairs going up to the fourth floor, and it was all he could do to let out a small cry of pain as he landed on his arms, sliding down the steps he’d made it up.

‘Kichi.

“No, no, no, no.” Kaito growled, his head bolting upwards, hearing Kokichi’s little sound and the still painfully light thumps of his body. Kokichi weighed so little that the whole fall barely sounded like anything, but it rattled through Kaito’s head like a thunderstorm, and his body just barely reacted slower than his gaze did, bolting towards the rising staircase.

Kokichi hadn’t made it far at all, Kaito having simply been looking the wrong direction, and it wasn’t a second before he caught up. The second Kokichi was at his feet, the CHASE/CATCH feeling died down into something less primal, more frantically worried as Kaito whispered, “Don’t move, don’t move, ‘Kichi…” Kaito wanted to scoop his husband up, but that had looked briefly like an ugly fall, and after a lifetime of sparring, Kaito knew to ask before trying to move, “Are you okay? Does your neck hurt? Your back?” He asked, kneeling next to Kokichi and placing fingertips gently on the top of his husbands spine, looking for signs of a grimace or wince.

Kokichi could barely catch his breath, but it was more because he was still crying rather than because of the impact. Idly, Kokichi wondered if it was just all the stress of the day that burnt into his muscles after such a short run, or if he just really was that out of shape. 

He could hear Kaito’s voice and could feel him come near, but…all that just broke his heart even more. He didn’t deserve this… Kaito should’ve left him to die in the Memorial Garden… He just kept hurting him…he was bad for Kaito…

“A-a little…” Kokichi whimpered out between his weeping, still keeping his eyes scrunched shut and his hands over his ears. But mostly… “...m arm ‘n knee…”

Thankfully, Kokichi had managed to protect his head well with his arms and his trip back down the stairs was a slow one. However, there were harsh red welts on both of his forearms, one bleeding from a scrape, with a matching one on his right knee. Kokichi would likely have quite a few bruises in a little bit, but…those were the most eye-catching areas.

“Aw, babe.” Kaito winced on Kokichi’s behalf, seeing the scrapes, especially the two bleedings one… before, oh. Right. Blood. “Okay, you’re fine.” Kaito said, reaching forward to scoop Kokichi up, picking him up as he tucked Kokichi against his chest, looking around to see if anyone was around and, seeing some housekeepers peering up at them from the bottom of the third floor stairs, called down, “He’s fine! Just had a small stumble, I’ve got him!”

Whelp, people were gonna do what they would with that little visual. Kokichi grabbing his scalp and running up the stairs till he fell, shortly chased by his husband. Hopefully the sheer amount of debunked rumors around them would give them reason to believe it was a misunderstanding. Which is basically was! Sort of! Gah. 

“Keep your eyes closed babe, you’re fine, but we’re gonna wash you up a little and put bandages on some of the rougher scrapes.” Kaito whispered to him, heading back to the their room as he said, “When you’re all bandaged up, we can… well, we can talk about if you still want to take a walk. Or, uh, want to get away from me for a while. I’m not going to make you stay. But we’re not doing it like that, okay? Give your poor husband anxiety cramps, I swear… you want me to have another earring? Cause Maki will be very cross with me if you fall down the stairs more. No more of that…”

At the very least, Kokichi tried to quiet his weeping, not wanting to cause any more of a scene that he already had. Kaito didn’t need that. Because of course no one would blame Kokichi…even when it was all his fault…

Face snotty and puffy, Kokichi was sure he was somehow looking even worse than before. But hearing Kaito be so calm and…almost joking… “...I’m bad for you… I can’t keep doing this… I’m a monster…”

He closed his eyes even harder, heart seeming to drop even though it had long plummeted. “...I shouldn’t be alone… I’m not gonna do anything. I promised. But…I shouldn’t be alone…”

“Good. I was gonna be pretty bummed out if you wanted to leave anyway.” Kaito admitted, quickly heading to the room and, seeing Maki peeking out of her door, mouthing at her, ‘It’s fine, he’s fine, I’ve got this’ as they went past. Maki gave him a slightly skeptical look, but closed the door, returning to Shuichi and Miyako. 

Kaito didn’t really know if everything was fine, but he did know that the last thing he’d want if he was in Kokichi’s position was to be put onto display in the middle of a breakdown, so Kaito just went based on that logic, heading back into the room and to the bathroom where they kept their bandages.

“Eyes closed, eyes closed, just let me wipe them down and put some bandages on, this is going to be quick, I promise.” Kaito said, sitting Kokichi down on the closed lid toilet, immediately searching around for wipes and their dabs of alcohols. Finding them, Kaito went to work on Kokichi knee first, which was bleeding heaviest, wiping it down as he said, “I’m not going to leave you alone. And you’re not a monster. I’ve met monsters, we both have. You don’t qualify, Kokichi. Not even close.”

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” Kaito said, taking the dab of alcohol and, without warning, pressing it lightly against Kokichi’s knee, before putting it aside and grabbing the bandages. “You just… took me by surprise, and then I took you by surprise right back. That doesn’t make us bad for each other… Maki’s right, we’re just dramatic. I spook you, you spook me, suddenly we’re both running down the halls like chickens with their heads cut off… we’re a little melodramatic and silly. We’re not monsters. And you’re not bad for me.”

He may not be like those monsters, but…

Kokichi jolted at the surprise sting of alcohol, and…honestly, he was too tired to feel anything more than a passing mild nausea when he realized what that meant. He was bleeding…but Kaito hadn’t taken him back to the med bay, so…it wasn’t bad. He’d be fine. 

His own feelings were making him feel more ill. Kokichi shook his head. “I forced my feelings on you without permission… I didn’t even think about it, I just did… You’re not prepared for any of this ‘cause I’m an idiot who - who’s mean and a-awful a-and I never told you about this a-and now I - I c-can feel everything a-and it - it’s - I know what it means a-and it’s so much a-and I feel li-like the worst k-kind of garbage and I’m bad for you, I keep hurting you and I can feel what that feels like and I want to disappear b-but I won’t a-and I know thi - this means I’m spiraling a-and I haven’t in months and I - I’m so pissed at myself ‘c-cause Miya needs us, I can’t just be - be s-some selfish child anymore b-but I just want to not be here anymore!”

Kaito looked up at that with a frown… before he went back to wrapping Kokichi’s knee. 

Moving on, he straightened his back to take Kokichi’ elbow next, wiping it down and, again, with no word of warning, pressing the alcohol wipe against it, cleaning the wound before he unwrapped more bandage roll. Rolling up around Kokichi’s elbow, Kaito finished it up, before taking the alcohol wipes and looking over the other scrapes. Cleaning them off just in case, but it looked like that was the worst of it…

Throwing the evidence away in the trash, Kaito leaned back a little, giving Kokichi one more lookover… before asking, “Well? What else? You’re on a roll, keep going.”

His voice having pitched higher and the words coming rapidly through that, Kokichi mostly spent the remainder of Kaito fixing him up trying to catch his breath, not caring enough to try and keep drool in his mouth or snot in his nose. And…when Kaito asked what was next…Kokichi just kind of crumbled into himself. 

“...I wish I’d never been born…” he whispered slowly, a complete reversal from before. His eyebrows arched up in one of the plainest expressions of grief as tears still clumped and fell from his closed eyes. “...but I don’t. I love you guys too much… I don’t, I want to be here… But I wish I…wasn’t. I keep falling over and over and over again…and people keep saying it’s okay, that the times I help other people up make it better, or that it’s good I keep trying to take the next step…but it doesn’t feel okay. It’s not about making mistakes… Not when I keep being a burden, or actively hurting the people around me…”

“There’s so much I want to do, and so much I have to do…but right now I just want to stop.”

“...” Kaito looked up at Kokichi, giving him a tired, sad look. He wanted to tell Kokichi he could open his eyes now, but honestly, Kokichi had to know. He was just… keeping his eyes closed.

…okay.

Kaito straightened up, rubbing the back of his neck… before saying, “Do me a favor. Take a piss and brush your teeth, okay? I know you don’t feel like doing anything right now, but you’ll thank yourself for it later.” He promised, leaning over to give Kokichi a kiss against his temples, before saying softly, “I’m heading out of the bathroom to give you a little privacy to do so because I trust you, okay? Clean yourself up a little, empty your bladder, come outside. Don’t leave me out there to worry about you. Understand?”

…it was tempting to just…tug himself over to the bathtub and curl up in it. Not even turning on the water, either running a bath (dangerous) or turning on the shower (depressing). Just…lying there. Carving out a tiny place in the world where no one else had to see him. 

Kokichi swallowed, tasting snot on his tongue. “Yeah.”

Once Kaito left the bathroom--or Kokichi heard the door click, anyway--he just…sat there on the toilet for a moment. 

(This wasn’t good.)

(This wasn’t how today was supposed to go.)

(The day he told Kaito, it was supposed to be happy. His husband was going to smile and call him a superhero.)

(Kokichi had hated his powers, months ago. Then…he’d learned really wonderful, beautiful things. His ability, one in a million by fluke, to break conditioning. Being able to share memories. Sharing feelings. Creating something wonderful from imagination. 

Kaito had called him a superhero.

He had wanted to tell him first.)

He couldn’t leave Kaito waiting. 

Kokichi used the toilet and brushed his teeth, his knees feeling sore and weak as he stood over the sink, and his hand shaking around the brush. For good measure, Kokichi wet a washcloth and pressed it gently over his face before blowing his nose. 

Then, he came out. A little unsteady on his feet, but…in their room.

Kaito was in his underwear, having kicked off his clothes. But in his hands were Kokichi’s pajamas, having clearly just been holding them in his lap while he waited fitfully for Kokichi to come out. “Oh, there he is.” Kaito grinned softly, lifting the pajamas up slightly as he said, “Out of those clothes, into these. Come on. I know it’s early, but I like sleeping when the suns out sometimes. It’s a different kind of sleep, you know? Come on, no arguing, your husband says.”

Kokichi nodded numbly, just barely opening his eyes to come towards Kaito, starting to mechanically take off his clothes. His arms and legs were stiff and sore and even still the bandages made a deep part of him nervous. But soon enough he was mostly naked, and putting on his pajamas, his breath catching every now and then, but steady.

When his clothes were on, Kokichi started to climb into bed, movements light and tender like they hurt, or like he wasn’t quite used to how his limbs worked. 

“There we go,” Kaito encouraged, pulling back the blankets and letting Kokichi climb in, being patient as Kokichi moved slowly, his movements frail. Grabbing smug rabbit, Kaito passed it to Kokichi and said to him, “Five minutes, beautiful.”

And Kiato headed to the bathroom real quick and, unusually for him, was even quicker than he had promised, gargling mouthwash and taking a quick piss before washing his hands and heading out, all in three minutes. Going to close the sheers to the window, still letting in some soft glow of light but dimming the room otherwise, Kaito headed to the bed and crawled in beside Kokichi, pulling him close.

“We’re gonna stop for a bit, okay?” Kaito murmured, kissing Kokichi’s temple, “Get some rest. And no… headache-making stuff while you sleep. Only rest. You understand? Don’t get it confused, this is your husband being bossy. I can’t deny you anything, but don’t deny me this. You’re getting some sleep. All you are doing is resting. I don’t even want you to think about anything, understand? If anything needs to be taken care of, I’m doing it. All you do is sleep.”

“No arguing.” Kaito said, kissing Kokichi’s temple and tucking him in more, like how he might securely wrap Miyako. “Kaito says.”

Despite everything…

Kokichi curled in close to Kaito. Shut his eyes. And nodded gently. 

And in his lobby, the guestbook closed, a plain, out-of-place white sign dangling above it that simply read, I’m sleeping

And Kokichi went to sleep. 

-

When Kokichi first might start waking up, two things would be immediately obvious. The scent and the lighting. 

It was pretty dark, because it was early enough in the morning to still be classified to some as ‘pretty late at night’. There was a nice little breeze coming in from the warm summer night air, because the window was wide open to help deal with the variety of scents in the room, which were a tad overpowering. There was the scent of new food, waffled and fruit and buttery grits and meats that were cooling, some heavily eaten from and some barely touched, on the desk. There was the scent of warm coffee, next to too many cups, and cooling tea, next to one cup that had not been used. There was the scent of figurine paint, likely coming from the three haphazardly done figurines that were drying by the window. 

Kaito was currently sitting next to the drying figurines, staring at his big toe, frowning at the purple color with little white dots on it. He had randomly gotten it into his head that he had never painted his nails before, and in that idle thought, had decided he’d give it a try, but since he didn’t own nail polish, reasoned, what was the difference between figurine paint and nail polish anyway.

And as soon as he had finished on his big toe, trying to make stars against a purple sky, it occurred to him… wait, so, what was the difference between nail polish and paint? Hm. Should he be… concerned, or…

Kaito had not slept. 

Kokichi didn’t make much sound when he woke up. A slight shifting under the sheets, the barest cracking of his irritated eyes. …it smelled good but…where on a normal day, the smell of waffles would bound him out of bed, Kokichi just…couldn’t move. It was nice, but in an abstract way, like he knew the concept but just…couldn’t feel it. 

There was a part of him absolutely pissed. Knowing what this was. But the majority was so tired he just…didn’t care, beyond feeling a little more glum. 

It seemed dark out…not even early enough for pre-training training. And Maki said she was going to get their butts into shape for it tomorrow, not today. Smelled like paint…

…felt like dull concern. 

Kokichi rolled over in bed, his limbs heavy and feeling like concrete tubes, facing Kaito at the window, just…blinking at him for a moment. Not saying anything, but just watching.

Okay, but, like… would nail polish get this off his toe though? Was figurine paint more permanent than regular nail polish? Was Kaito stuck with a haphazardly drawn polka dot pattern on his big toe for the rest of his life? Would he lose the toenail? The toe? Probably not, right, there’d be a warning on the paint containers if painting on yourself caused you to lose limbs… seemed unreasonable to just sell these and not let people know that. Good way to lose customers. And fingers and toes.

Maybe soap would get it off? Nah, that was swinging the pendulum entirely the opposite direction. Too optimistic. Well, maybe… he could try it…

Kaito glanced over at Kokichi, seeing him shift in bed, eyes like swollen bags peering at him. Kaito considered him for a moment… before saying softly, “It’s still really early, beautiful. Like, two or three, something like that. Go back to sleep.”

Kokichi nodded slightly, but…

“...what are you worried about? It seems like you’ve been up for a while…” he asked, softly but scratchy, his voice not having had the time to heal yet.

…it wasn’t good, if Kaito wasn’t sleeping. In general, because he needed sleep, but also if Kaito was feeling too wired to sleep…that never meant anything good. …maybe he’d sleep when Kokichi left. …Kokichi didn’t really feel like he would be getting out of bed anytime soon, though.

“I was hungry.” Kaito explained, gesturing vaguely towards the desk with all the half eaten food. “A few times. And one of those times I got the idea in my head, like… ya know what sounds good? Coffee. Coffee sounded really good. So I got some coffee. And, ya know, I only wanted it for the taste, but after I had some, I thought it might be nice to paint a bit? Like, not how you paint, but ya know…” 

Kaito gestured to the figurines, “So I started doing that, but after awhile I started getting tired, and I didn’t want to stop halfway, so I got some more coffee, cause why not? I’m hip and young. You know what hip and young people do? Sometimes they stay up all night to indulge their hobbies. We don’t have anything planned tomorrow… today? Today. No school, no work, Miyako’s being babysit… if there was ever a time to spend hours and hours painting? Todays the day. Do you own nail polish?”

…not a great sign. But Kaito did have a point--they didn’t really have anything to do tomorrow…today. Even if Kokichi felt even worse at the thought of not being there for Miyako…he really couldn’t bring himself to act on it. Maybe he’d be more successful later. As long as Kaito wasn’t wired like this all day, and did eventually get some sleep…it’d be okay. 

“I do…” Kokichi said slowly, almost a jarring contrast to how Kaito was talking. “S’in the turquoise box under the sink. Paintin’ yer nails?”

“Mmmmm, let’s see how good they are at getting figurine paint off first… and if they can? Yeah, maybe.” Kaito mused, getting up to head to the closet, before blinking, shaking his head, and muttering to himself, “Bathroom dumbass.”

Then heading to the bathroom, Kaito looked through the compartment under the sink, ignoring the rust stained pipes– maybe he should just have the pipes replaced– and finding… “Ah ha! Found them! Thanks beautiful.”

Grabbing some little cotton balls with it, Katio went back to the window, and after a moment of considering it, wetted the cotton before rubbing it against his big toe… “Huh.” Kaito said, tilting his head at it. It took a little elbow grease, but… “Yeah, that’ll work. Neat. Man, what is this stuff made of? Ah well.” Kaito mused, finishing wiping the paint off his toe, “I guess I will paint my toes… what do you think, beautiful? Should I go with a maroon or purple, one of my default colors, or maybe I should go crazy, like… green. No, maybe having green toenails would make me look sick… oh, don’t let me keep you up, by the way. Ignore me, go back to sleep.” Kaiti said again, looking over his variety of paint colors now with a newly critical eye.

Kokichi watched Kaito from the bed, unmoving, somehow feeling even more tired just from watching Kaito’s energy. Not good, not good, not good.

…he wondered what kind of paint Kaito’s figure paint was…whatever it was, it seemed to be alcohol soluble. Probably non-toxic stuff. There was a good reason Kokichi didn’t keep any oil paints in their room, and not just because they needed to be temperature controlled. 

“...I’d say go green and purple,” Kokichi murmured, before holding his bunny closer to his chest, scrunching down in bed more. “...please try to sleep at some point… I love you. I’m sorry.”

“Love you too, beautiful.” Kaito called back, narrowing his eyes at the green and purple… he supposed he could… why did he feel like Kokichi only preferred that idea due to clown shenanigans though…

-

The next time Kokichi woke up, it was bright in the room, the sun rising to mid-morning. Most of the food was gone now, though the plates remained. The dried figurines had been put back on Kaito’s shelves on the bookcase. The book on magical creatures had been opened at one point, but had been left on the desk by the food. The coffee pot was empty and the tea had been dipped into now out of desperation. 

Kaito was, very carefully, painting little green vines with flowers, all over the crib. Every square inch of it. He was about two-thirds of the way done, and his left arm had the same pattern of vines and little, colorful flowers painted around it too, like he had tested the design on himself before committing. It was pretty, carefully detailed, tiny work. Kaito was honestly quite proud of it. He had been doing it for hours.

…somehow he felt even worse, the next time he woke up. Like the inside of his body was a desert and he’d dragged a cactus through it. His eyes hurt and his limbs were leaden and…Kaito still hadn’t slept. 

Squinting in the mid-morning light, Kokichi sighed softly, disconcertingly in the exact spot he’d gone to sleep in. “...v Maki-chan ‘n Shuu-chan been by?” he croaked out.

Maybe they’d stick to what they were doing, letting the two of them sort things out--like that had worked even in the slightest--but…Kokichi was worried. If they saw what Kaito was doing…maybe one of them could talk some sense into him. 

Maybe he was just ruining everything again. 

…his arm and knee hurt. And his back hurt. 

Kokichi pulled the blanket more over his head.

“Shuichi stopped by.” Kaito said, without looking backwards, squinting at this little pink flower he was working on. It was coming out nice. Sweet, round petals for his sweet, round baby, “I asked him to give us more time. I figured you could use some more sleep and, like, I’m doing whatever…” Kaito waved his arms vaguely to the room around them, “this is. I asked them to give us more time to rest. He agreed. Which he should. Like, seriously, by this point? Least he could do is watch Miya for a day. It’s not like he’s watching her by himself, Maki’s helping… it’s not asking much.”

Kaito grumbled this last bit to himself, working on the next pink flower… before his brain poked him and he realized, “You need water.”

Putting his paint brush aside, Kaito grunted as he stood up, his back popping a little, to the point where he limped a bit at first as he got his body less tensed up. But after a moment he felt better, and went to go get Kokichi a cup of water.

Coming back, Kaito said softly, “Here, drink this. You hungry? I think there’s still…” Kaito frowned, looking to the desk, “...oh! We still have cheese and crackers. I thought I polished those off. Drink some water, and if you’re hungry we have some cheese and crackers available before you go back to sleep. Or I can get you something special, if you have an appetite. Let me know.”

…hm. That…didn’t seem good. Not good, not good…

Kokichi could use more sleep, he was exhausted, but…he knew these signs. He’d been asleep since the middle of the afternoon the day before, and while he didn’t have the willpower to actually get up, he knew this was bad. This was a depression sleep. 

And Kaito…keeping himself busy, not sleeping at all, sending their family away and getting snippy with them… Not good, not good. 

Kokichi felt out for the familiar signature of Shuuichi, feeling, just for a moment, calm at the unmistakable feeling of Miyako nearby. {I don’t think we’re okay. I don’t think we can do this by ourselves.}

Staring dully at the cup of water after he refocused, Kokichi sighed softly, but propped himself up just the scantest amount to not pour water down himself. “...thanks. ‘M not hungry…”

He was fully aware how overdramatic it was, but Kokichi felt like he’d never be able to eat again.

Kaito considered him quietly… before nodding. “Alright. Maybe you’ll be hungry the next time you wake up. But, still, drink the water, you’ll thank yourself for it later.”

Kokichi would probably thank himself for eating food later too, but Kaito just wasn’t ready to try to tackle that just yet. Kokichi probably just needed more sleep. And if he didn’t, well… Kaito would handle it later. He just wasn’t ready to be the bad guy again just yet. Kokichi could have what he wanted for a bit longer, Kaito could be the bad guy late–

There was a small knock on the door. Kaito sighed, gritting his teeth a little as the door opened, “...guys. I asked you to give us time.”

Shuichi, holding Miyako, sighed in turn, patting her on the back a little as the baby coo’d at Maki, who came in right behind them, closing the door behind them. “I know. But Kokichi asked us for help. So, here we are.”

Kaito’s brow furrowed, looking confused, “Kokichi asked you for… what?” he asked, glancing at Kokichi in open bewilderment… before he said, “Oh. Right. Mind messages. Okay.”

“How have you managed to trash this room in one night?” Maki asked, looking at the clothes all over the floor, the large pile of dirty plates and cups, and just all sort of paint supplies lying everywhere, “Does Shuichi do all the cleaning or something?”

Kaito tsked, heading back to the window to put some of the painting stuff away, “Shuichi? Yeah, not so much.”

The water did help with the hot, scratchy feeling in him, and some of the heaviness in his head. Food would help too, but…Kokichi just couldn’t bring himself to contend with the thought of eating. 

He was still an utter failure but…getting help, and drinking water were small steps, he supposed. 

Kokichi didn’t bother rolling over as the door opened, though he did give Kaito a small nod when he looked to him in confusion. They needed help and…damn, it wasn’t like Kokichi was really ready to skip out of bed and go knock on Maki’s door himself. 

That was one thing, he supposed. Being able to send intent was kind of handy. 

Sighing, Kokichi gathered his rabbit and blankets in his arms, still burrowed into the bed. “...I’m depression sleeping. And Kai-chan hasn’t been sleeping at all. We’re not okay…”

“...and we all clean.”

“Some of us clean.” Kaito declared, “a little more than others. Shuichi occasionally throwing clothes in the hamper feels like it shouldn’t count.”

“See, this is why I didn’t insist.” Shuichi whispered to Maki, heading to the bed to sit with Kokichi, Miyako letting out a little ‘mw~ah’ sound, clearly feeling energetic as she wiggled slightly in Shuichi’s arms, “He was like that this morning too.”

“I see.” Maki said, putting her arms across her chest, “Alright… well the first thing should be Kokichi eating something, if he’s been asleep since yesterday. Kokichi, pick some food you think you can stomach.”

“Leave him alone, he just needs some rest.” Kaito said, going back to the crib… before glancing over his shoulder at Miyako, “...” 

He went back to painting the flowers.

Kokichi sighed a little heavier and closed his eyes--still not in much better shape than yesterday either. It made him nervous, when Kaito got mean like this…and it made him feel worse because…Kaito was allowed to be upset. Needed to be upset. But…upset people needed care.

Which was why he had called on his family.

“...I don’t know… It feels like there’s a big rock in my stomach…and like I won’t be able to swallow anything…” A few sounds of shuffling under the sheets. “...I might be able to try some broth. I could drink the water Kai-chan gave me.”

“Alright. Broth then. Do you eat tofu? I’m going to request they put tofu in it, those white sponges basically dissolve on the tongue anyway.” Maki said, heading to the desk and considering the coffee pot and the half drunk kettle of green tea, “...have you both been drinking these?”

“Nope.” Kaito said from the crib. “Kokichi needs to sleep.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” Maki finally snapped, looking to Kaito, “You know better than anyone that’s not how you handle something like this. Starving yourself and oversleeping becomes a self-perpetuating cycle, you're a bigger advocate than anyone about that.”

“He’s not oversleeping! He’s twenty and is feeling sad and lethargic!” Kaito snapped right back, glaring at her.

Shuichi stood up, patting Miyako on the back some more as he said, “I’ll go get the broth. I’ll have someone help me bring it up… I’ll bring some sleepy tea up too, for Kaito.”

“I don’t need to sleep.” Kaito insisted, though he didn’t fight this one as hard, giving Miyako a worried look as Shuichi left with her. When the door clicked shut, he said, “Can she, like… feel when I’m in a bad mood? Can she feel when I’m angry?”

“...” Maki nodded, “Yes. I think so.”

“... for fucks sake, guys,” Kaito muttered, running his hands over his face, “God dammit couldn’t anyone have told me? What if I… fuck guys, what if I’ve been, like, screaming around her? In her head? Fuck, I didn’t want my daughter to see that side of me, and you’re telling me she can just, what… pick it out of my head?”

…was this Kaito hating him? Honestly…Kokichi wouldn’t blame him. Wouldn’t have blamed him for doing it a lot sooner…Kaito was always having to take care of him, would’ve been a lot easier to just…say something like, you wanna die, go ahead and die…

Kokichi felt his eyes burn, though there was no energy left for crying. He wasn’t sure if he could manage tofu, but…if it was in front of him, he’d give it a try. 

He shrunk down even more in bed as Kaito’s completely valid exasperation and worry, but still urged his voice to talk. “I don’t think she seeks our emotions out specifically… Even with abilities, she still is a baby and doesn’t understand much of what’s going on. But…if we’re really emotional around her, she’ll pick up on that. S’why she wouldn’t stop crying that day I accidentally read your thoughts an’ thought I was gaslighting you…”

Kaito’s brow furrowed, “...which day?”

Maki sighed, leaning against the desk, prepping one foot up to steady herself as she said, “So, what is this, Kaito? Are you self destructing? Trying to take Kokichi down with you?”

“What? One, one, lazy day is ‘self destructing’?” Kaito asked, once again right back to looking outraged, “And I’m the dramatic one. You and Shuichi said you’d give us the day off to figure ourselves out! I wanted to paint figurines, Kokichi wanted to sleep, and I didn’t see anything wrong with us using our one lazy day off to do whatever the fuck we felt like doing. I didn’t feel like sleeping! Kokichi didn’t feel like being awake! And we have nothing else to do today! We don’t have to be perfect, every. Single. Day!”

“You do need to eat every day.”

“He’s literally just missed breakfast and dinner! If he eats a big lunch or big dinner later today, he’s fine! Kokichi doesn’t need to be flawless! Neither do I! Leave us alone!”

“Kokichi asked us for help.” Maki reminded him.

…Kaito hesitated at that… before shrugging. Going back to the crib, “Well, good. He could have just asked me to get him broth, I’m not trying to fucking starve him, but sure. Glad he’s got you guys.”

Kokichi would argue that they weren’t perfect the vast majority of days. Cause they just weren’t perfect people, if such a thing existed. But this wasn’t a lazy day, and this wasn’t them indulging in hobbies. This was Kokichi feeling himself spiral worse than he had in months, and seeing Kaito flit around from thing to thing with a nervous, angry energy. And Kokichi didn’t know how to fix it…so he’d gotten help. 

And Kaito trying to get rid of them was a big warning sign too. 

…but he could’ve asked Kaito for food when he’d asked…even if Kokichi really didn’t think he could eat. Instead he’d just…gone to their friends instead of him…again…

Kokichi’s face crumpled as he pulled the covers over his head again, the most he did to speak up.

Maki, however, didn’t have any issues speaking up, as she scoffed, “Honestly, is this what today is going to be like? I should have realized things were out of control when I saw you bring Kokichi back all battered up. Honestly, Kaito, I thought once the shock wore off you’d be thrilled to have a magical family–”

“Don’t!” Kaito snapped, standing up, rage lining his face as he gripped his tiny paintbrush, stomping one step towards Maki, who was suddenly standing straight, her hands by the brim of her skirt in a specifically chosen position, “Don’t try to make this out like I’m being unreasonable! No. You guys want to talk about gaslighting? Gaslighting, Kokichi, isn’t convincing me that the people you feel unsafe around are unsafe! Gaslighting is treating me like I’m being over dramatic and unreasonable every time you guys do something that hurts me! Like, oh, what? You’re upset, Kaito!? When we just drop a bombshell on you like, say, the people you thought were your best friends lied to you for a year to protect their assassination plots against your family!? Woah! Wild! Crazy! W-ha-hat!? You’re bringing that up, again!? Kaito! It’s been, like, seven months?? Since that happened!? That’s ancient history! Get over it! Be mad about new things!”

“...” Maki watched Kaito carefully, as he started to pace, her hands still close to her waistband as he continued.

“Be mad about, oh, I don’t know! Let’s keep the species of his daughter from him! That’s need to know information, and boy, Kaito doesn’t need to know! That’s a ‘we’ll tell Kaito when it’s convenient for us’ sorta information! Like a fun fact. Hey Kaito, wanna hear some fun facts? You know those migraines and nose bleeds your husband gets that sends him to the med ward regularly!? Those are cause he’s visiting our dreams with his super powers. But that’s not something Kaito needs to know about! No, Kaito doesn’t get to know about fucking… dream hopping or whatever it is! Kaito just needs to deal with the aftermath! He needs to clean up the blood, and make sure everyone eats, and keeps the light low and the noise down and try to soothe his daughter while having no idea why everyone’s crying or hurting! That’s all Kaito needs to know about!”

“Kaito, did you guys not talk about this at all?” Maki said, still watching him carefully, “Kokichi had good reasons to not tell you–”

“You.” Kaito said, thrusting his finger at Maki, barely whispering, “You should have told me. Out of everyone. Shuichi is dating Kokichi and is Miyako’s father, whatever good reasons there were to keep it from me, I get it from Shuichi, to pick Kokichi over me. But you? I thought… you’re supposed to be my friend, Maki. We’re known each other since we were ten. I’ve looked past so much for you… and what? Kokichi’s earned more of your loyalty than I have? Kokichi’s secrets get kept, and Kaito’s left in the dark? That’s what you picked?”

“...” Maki’s whole body seemed to relax. “...do you want to dance?”

“No.” Kaito snarled, “I want to kick your fucking ass.”

(...that’s what Kokichi thought too. But the window for a reaction like that had long-passed. And now…

…he wasn’t a monster for what he could do with his abilities. He was a monster for constantly never picking the person he had sworn himself to.)

Kokichi flinched as Kaito snapped, his rage finally boiling over and…

And he felt it.

It was imperceptible under Kaito yelling at Maki, but Kokichi made a small, pained sound into the mattress as…as he felt his entire body burn, like magma had filled his veins and was constantly churning, ready to erupt. But Kaito was erupting, so the froth and thrashing only grew more violent. Kokichi opened his mouth, trying to let the heat out, but only managed to quietly dry heave, the vomit feeling just as scalding. 

Kaito did everything for them. He dedicated his all, body, soul, and mind to them, and…they barely fucking gave him the time of day. Never telling him anything. Expecting him to just be fine. 

And…Kokichi never thought he got…shocked or disapproving when Kaito expressed the hurt he very validly felt, but…

But the fire consuming his bones didn’t feel like it had been tempered by anything, time or otherwise. 

He flinched, feeling violent intent like sawblades under his skin and…and Kokichi couldn’t…

“UuuGAH!”

If someone were particularly observant, and magically inclined, at the moment Kokichi screamed, vomiting more violently onto their bed, one would be able to see a burst of icy blue and vibrant red sparks exploding out from the young prince. However, it didn’t take any sort of special person throughout the castle to suddenly feel a burst of violent, volatile anger and pain.

“Oh, geez, ‘Kichi.” 

Kaito was furious, but… well, honestly, if he had heard that first little whimper, that probably would have been enough to dampen his spar-happy enthusiasm at the moment. But Kokichi violently vomiting more than did the trick, his attention immediately divided and then refocused on his husband as he hurried over to take the vomit covered blanket off of him, looking him over urgently as he put his hand on his forehead, “It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re okay. Do we need to go to medical–?”

Maki had been about to go get a towel, but there was a sound outside, and going to open the door, “--AHHHHH!”

“Shuichi, you’re her parent, can’t you make her stop crying!?”

“I’ve got it.” Maki growled, as Kaito’s head snapped up at that, quickly moving outside, a dagger suddenly in her hand as she was ready to confront whoever was yelling at Shuichi and Miyako… but she paused, watching as Hajime already looked flustered, holding a platter of broth and a kettle of tea, looking embarrassed and shamefaced.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from. Geeze, I usually don’t even mind the sound of babies crying, that just came out of nowhere… I’m so sorry.”

“You’re fine.” Shuichi said softly, bouncing Miyako in his arms, giving Maki a wary look as he said, “I felt that too… I think she just took us both by surprise, that’s all. It’s okay.”

“Geeze, still… o-oh! Maki! Ha… is that for me?” Hajime asked, a touch nervously, looking at the dagger.

“...no.” Maki lied, making a complicated hand motion as the dagger seemed to disappear. “I came out to grab the platter. Thank you for helping Shuichi with it.”

As Shuichi and Maki got that sorted, Kaito was already taking the blanket and offending pillows of the bed, murmuring, “Geez… fuck… Kokichi, are you okay?”

Kokichi barely registered Kaito coming closer, for all that the burning hot rage flipped off in an instant, leaving him reeling. But he did notice one thing. 

A baby screaming.

Oh no.

{M-miya, my Miya, oh my baby I’m so sorry}

Kokichi was panting like he’d just run a marathon, his cheeks pale though the rest of his body was flushed, almost like he really had that fire in his veins. Flopped back on the bed away from the vomit, right where Kaito had moved him, Kokichi could only cough, sputtering, “I-is that really what it feels like to you? Fuck.”

{My sweet, s-sweet Mi-Mi, it’s alright, it’s okay, Dada’s gonna take good care of you, everything’s okay…}

But intent didn’t lie. It wasn’t as confident as Kokichi wished it was.

{Mad!}

Miyako didn’t know why she was mad, but she was hopping angry now, wailing in Shuichi’s arms wiggling petulantly in his grip as the blue-haired man cradled him against himself, whispering her soft assurances. “Kaito, have you seen her pacifier… actually, nevermind, I’ll try feeding her, it’s almost time anyway, maybe a full belly will help.” Shuichi sighed, mostly talking to himself, though he turned to Maki, “Could you set up a bottle?”

“Sure, hold tight.” Maki said, going to start the process of setting up a new bottle, going to tap into the reserves Shuichi always pumped and prepped the day before. 

“What feels like? …oh.” Kaito’s face looked pinched, a look that was a heavy mix between frustrated and guilty, “Oh, you could… ‘Kichi, don’t… if you can help it, please don’t do… the emotion reading thing when I’m angry. Fuck, I don’t even like screaming at you guys, I don’t want you in that ugliness with me. It’s not… helpful, it just hurts.”

Kaito didn’t like those ugly feelings inside of himself, burning and writhing like an animal inside of him, like fire in his veins and electricity over his skin. Even in the name of being understood… he didn’t want those feelings for his family. He didn’t even want to feel them himself, let alone share them.

Going to get Kokichi new pajamas, he brought some wipes back too, saying, “Can you stand? I need to change out the sheet… do you want me to take you to the window after you’re changed, get you some air?”

And didn’t that just stab another thorn of guilt into him. Couldn’t let anyone else feel their emotions, made their infant daughter take the brunt of it…just…fuckin’ report him to the CPS now…

{I’m so sorry, Miya…}

Kokichi shivered, feeling frigid in the absence of the inferno, but he could only shake his head softly. “I can’t help it… Anything strong I’m gonna pick up… Wasn’t trying to feel you…”

He choked on his spit briefly, spitting out a bit of bile. It was like…walking through the marketplace. There was indistinct chatter all around, and maybe if you looked at someone you could get an idea of what was going on with them, but if someone screamed something from the crowd? It wasn’t a choice to hear it. You just did--and probably instinctively turned towards it too.

Sluggishly, Kokichi tried to worm himself out of bed, but… There just wasn’t any strength in his limbs. Hardly even off the mattress at all, Kokichi was already clinging to a bedpost, his breath heavy and cheeks pale.

Kaito watched Kokichi try to move with a concerned look… before placing his fingers on Kokichi’s neck, feeling his pulse.

“...Kokichi, I think maybe we should go to medical again. Let them make some of that tea for you. Maybe all of that wasn’t good for your heart.” Kaito worried, again, just not liking how weak Kokichi seemed right now. 

Looking over his shoulder, Kaito raised his voice a little to be heard over Miyako, “Shuichi? Are you good?”

“I’m not sure how to answer that.” Shuichi called back, trying to coax Miyako to take the bottle that Maki had prepared, Miyako ignoring it as she wailed. “Yes?”

“Maybe try dribbling it a little on her tongue, piquing her interest.” Maki recommended.

“I’ve tried that before, it’s never really seemed to do much. I guess it can’t hurt to try again. Come on, Miyako, you like nectar, don’t you? It tastes good? You’ll feel better with some food in you…”

Kokichi just shrugged a little, as much as he could acknowledge his agreement. …Kaito had described his anger before. A burning, sparking, beast of a thing. But… But there was no way to really know unless…

…was that how he felt all the time? Kokichi knew he already wasn’t in the best spot, but…that sort of anger…Kokichi felt that something like that would rip him apart. Drive him crazy at the very least. How was Kaito even able to cope?!

Emotions were important, it was always worth to feel the bad ones so you could feel the good…but how was anyone supposed to live feeling that?

Kokichi closed his eyes, coughing shallowly.

{Please, Miya… Dada’s trying to help you, trying to solve the mad feeling… It was my fault… I’m so sorry, my baby…you shouldn’t have to feel something like this…}

Kaito frowned, looking more alarmed at Kokichi seeming to fade out, “Okay, we’re going now. Come on. Shuichi and Maki have Miyako, we’re going. Up, up.”

Kaito scooped Kokichi up, heading out as fast as he could, Kokichi’s broth and Kaito’s tea forgotten about and left behind. Miyako wailing in frustration in the distance.

-

A day late. Though with how they’d come in the day before, Nell wasn’t totally sold on that. Regardless…she had been prepared, so she could tell Drakon that his vision had helped. 

The prince, despite just being upset and a little weak the day before, was in a much worse state. He was dehydrated and probably due for a good meal, and over exhausted, despite Kaito passing on that he’d mostly been sleeping since the previous afternoon. The scrapes on his arm and leg were a little concerning originally, but they weren’t serious enough to induce major bloodloss. 

Nell’s best guess? His exhaustion, spurred on by weakening his body, were the things spurring on his heavy breathing and heightened pulse. But…that was something they could treat.

Now…Kokichi was in a private room, hooked up to a hydration pack and a booster of his medicine in, a warm kettle with his tea nearby for when he could drink. They’d sent out for some broth, hearing he wasn’t quite up to eating either, but…for now? Things were calm.

Kaito sat next to the hospital bed, idly playing with his own fingers, just feeling… tired. As bad as the chaos that had led to them coming down here was, he wasn’t exactly thrilled to have suddenly nothing to do either. 

Nothing but to sit in his thoughts.

“...I’m sorry, Kokichi.” Kaito said softly, pinching and massaging the skin between his knuckles, “This has been terrible. I made this so much worse.”

“...it’s not your fault,” Kokichi murmured. He looked just as exhausted as he had been earlier, but…maybe a little more peaceful. Still, he kept his eyes closed. He hated IVs… “You can’t help having emotions any more than I can help feeling them.”

“...and it’s my fault for that too.”

Kokichi’s face scrunched in a bit. “...you’re right about everything. You’re right to be angry, and hurt, and betrayed, and lost… Even if I had reasons at first…as soon as Shuu-chan found out? I should’ve figured out a way to tell you too. I don’t have an excuse for that. You’re right to hate me for it…”

“I don’t hate you, Kokichi.” Kaito murmured. “Whatever it was you just felt? That’s… that’s not me hating someone. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing, I’m sorry if that gives you a worse impression of me. But that’s not how I feel. That’s just me… pissed all the hell off. I don’t have to hate people to be mad at them…”

“I love you guys.” Kaito said tiredly, “I wish… I wish that was the first thing I could have projected to you. Not anger so bad that it makes you vomit. That’s… so disappointing…”

“I was just angry at Maki. And Shuichi. And you,” Kaito shrugged, “And it got out of hand. I should have been taking care of myself, taking steps to not let it spiral out of control, but I just… refused to. I stayed up all night and ignored my rock and ate a bunch of crap food and drank coffee and I haven't touched water since yesterday, outside of forcing it on you. I just… wanted to do all the bad things that I knew would only make it worse. I wanted it to comfort me, in, like… the same ‘comforting’ way diving into your depression can be alluring to you. You know it’ll only make it worse, but there’s something so alluring in just… letting yourself lose control, sometimes.”

“But it’s never worth it.” Kaito whispered, “And now it’s even less worth it then it ever was, because my spiral didn’t just hurt me. It hurt you. And Miyako, I think. Letting my anger fester is literally, physically hurting you guys… so I’m sorry. I’m sorry I haven't been listening. I don’t know if your reasons are good, or bullshit, or maybe they were just the best you could do at the time… I have no idea what they are, because I haven't been listening.”

“So… can we talk about it?” Kaito asked quietly, “I promise to listen this time.”

“...I know… I know it was anger, even if it’s anger I’ve never felt before… I just…” Kokichi sucked in a breath. “...I-I just wouldn’t blame you i-if you hated me now…”

There were probably times before that Kaito had felt something strongly enough for Kokichi to be caught in the waves. But…yeah, it sucked. The first knowing thing Kokichi had felt in that all-encompassing way was Kaito’s anger…and the first thing he’d felt from Kokichi was his desperate remorse. 

…not at all how Kokichi had wanted things to go. Far from it.

“...I don’t know if it was you…hurting Miya. I…when I feel things strongly…I have these…’bursts’. And yours…it already felt like it was exploding out of me…I couldn’t…it was like trying to hold onto a bubble twice my size made of lava and as slippery as oil… It might’ve been me…”

Because he couldn’t let Kaito take the blame for another thing. 

…his own spiral wasn’t helping anything either.

Kokichi cracked an eye open, his vision dry. And he nodded slightly. “...I’ve wanted to share so much with you for so long…”

Kaito nodded, still playing with his fingers.

“...it must have been scary.” Kaito said, “When you first found out about Miyako? Was anyone there with you? To comfort you? I hate to think of you trying to deal with it alone.”

“I was terrified,” Kokichi murmured, closing his eyes again. “I found out about the Empath stuff first…it’s genetic, apparently. For a lot of Empaths, if you start having noticeable abilities early, it tends to be when you’re around four or five… My friend Hiro…he has a limited capacity to see the future. I asked him if there was a way to tell if Miyako was going to be an Empath, so I could prepare to try and help her…”

Kokichi opened his eyes, finding Kaito’s gaze as he smiled full of love. “...she’s beautiful, if his vision was right. I saw her communicating with Chase to come and play with her…”

“We thought she was going to be a lower-power Empath, seeing that. That gave me time…an idea of what I’d need to learn in order to be there for what she’d need…” Kokichi huffed a stressed laugh. “...then I felt her immediately when she was born so…plans needed to change on the fly.”

“...I found out about her being a Flora later…and that’s where I was really scared… I had only heard about…how the Flora are today. Ruthless and cruel and…this nebulous idea of hatred. I was terrified…our daughter would be subjected to that… I didn’t know what made Flora different…I didn’t know what she would need, how to support her…”

“...but I was with Alter Ego and Temp. And we ended up talking to Thalia later…” Kokichi trailed off for a moment. He didn’t feel great about telling Temp’s secret, but…well. Shuuichi and Maki knew. So Kaito would know. “...apparently, thousands of years ago, the Flora used to be known for their healing. Their kindness and hospitality in helping other species…and in return, some of those they helped would bring new Flora into the world. Flora are made to be raised by other species…our Miya would be just fine, us doing what we could for a human baby. And while they’re a hivemind…they’re all still individuals. And…apparently there’s a not insignificant amount that figured out how to block themselves off from the hivemind, to give themselves safety and peace. So…our Miya would get to be her own person.”

“...I spent months working on a way to try and shield her, almost every night while we were sleeping, to try and prepare until she’s old enough to do it herself. But…well…” Kokichi’s lips pressed together for a moment, considering. “...normally…I’d say that’s a story for Maki-chan to say, but… After everything, I should just tell you.”

Cracking an eye open, Kokichi looked at Kaito not without a bit of worry. “...it’s kinda big, on top of the big stuff I’ve just told you. Do you want a second?”

“... your friend can see the future.” Kaito murmured, that feeling like incredibly big news with some kind of huge revelations associated with it just by its nature… but Kaito found himself only considering it an idle curiosity, far more interested in the vision Hiro had seen, grinning at the imagery. His beautiful little girl, playing with the family dog… that sounded great. Kaito liked that. 

Kaito’s eyes briefly widened at Temp’s name… but they relaxed after a second, huffing a bit. “Ah, well… that makes sense. Why you two got so close, why he’d ask us to be the godparents… we’re already handling Miyako, if Addason needed additional help, at least we’d know what to expect. I’m glad he and Alter Ego were there for you.”

“... Flora sound kind of incredible, if I’m honest.” Kaito admitted, shrugging a little, “I know they’re terrible right now, I’ve only known they existed for a day and I can already tell what a nightmare they are, but… it sounds… it kinda sounds like someone ‘overcorrecting’? You know how people do that? Like, you have a really nice person, whose maybe a little bit of a doormat, but is usually better described as just nice… but then someone takes advantage of that? And to cope, the nice person becomes an asshole for awhile? It’s like that, for a species… I bet something happened and they’re just lashing out. We just happened to get born in the middle of it… cause it really does sound like they were perfect as a, a what, a ‘healing’ species? A species that counts on other people to raise their children? They should be amazing at living with other people… it’s a shame we didn’t get to see them at their prime. I bet it was breathtaking.”

“...” Kaito rubbed the bridge of his nose, “...will it hurt her? For me to know?”

Kokichi nodded a bit. “Temp and I are genuinely friends…but we’ve spent months getting to know each other as Empaths. Sometimes…and I can only say this now, but…sometimes, it felt like we were both two different people, each pair making friends separately…except Temp knew everything that was going on.” Kokichi smiled a bit. “...you know, sometimes when we’d hang out in person, I’d end up saying the exact same stuff I said while we were talking during the night? I think he got a kick out of that.”

He owed a lot to Temp, helping him navigate his dual life. Even if they did it as friends. Hopefully now he’d be able to pay back some of the favor, now being a complete person again.

In surprise, Kokichi opened his eyes again, blinking at Kaito. Sure…he hadn’t given Kaito any examples of the things Flora had done, but…Kaito had formed that theory about Danganronpa and Luminary on his own. He had apparently heard some horrendous things from Thalia. He knew. 

And yet…that was one of the kindest things Kokichi had heard anyone say about the Flora.

Kokichi hadn’t doubted Kaito would still accept Miyako, but…now he knew there was nothing that could tear him away from his daughter. 

Smiling a bit, Kokichi shook his head. “No… I think it’d help a lot, actually. It’s something we should all talk about, but…I don’t want to hide it from her forever. I don’t want Miyako to grow up feeling othered or different from other kids, but…I don’t want to deny her parts of herself. As a Flora or an Empath…or a princess. I’m kinda thinking of explaining it like…some people are just other species, but people don’t talk about it. It’s just another way people are unique.”

Kaito chuckled slightly at that. “Our Miyako… a Momota princess, daughter of an Ouma, prodigy empath and, uh, whatever a ‘prodigy’ version of being a Flora is… not to mention Shuichi’s daughter and whatever influence Maki will have on her. We better be careful to humble her every now and again, because wow, our kid could end up growing up with a really big head. All that, and she’s pretty, and she has powerful little baby legs? Too much power.”

“...actually, I take that back.” Kaito said, frowning, “I don’t ever want to humble her. She can be proud and feel special. She is special, and I’m very proud of her.”

“... that’s a good idea. We won’t keep it from Miyako… but,” Kaito gave Kokichi a warm look, “I actually meant Maki. As pissed as I am about all the secrets, I don’t want to know something if she’s keeping it from me to stop me from hurting her… I appreciate you warning me she’s keeping something from me, but I don’t want to hurt our Maki… beyond maybe punching her across the room a few times.”

“...that said, if it won’t hurt her? Fuck her, tell me, I don’t give a shit if it makes her mad.”

It really was like all the pieces of the universe aligned together for their daughter…she was gonna be a hell of a person. But she would always be their daughter. “I’m gonna try and make sure she keeps some perspective but…yeah. She is special. No matter what, I’m always going to be proud of her.”

Blinking at Kaito for a moment, Kokichi looked a bit embarrassed, looking to the side before he quickly remembered why that was a bad idea. “Oh! Oh…right. Sorry. M kinda tired…”

…would it hurt Maki? He didn’t think so… If Kokichi’s guess was right, Kaito would be pretty comfortable with the idea of a dragon. 

“No, it won’t hurt her… It’s just another thing to keep in the family.” Making eye contact again, Kokichi tried to make sure Kaito knew he was being serious, even though at this point, he doubted Kaito would write much off as nonsense. “Maki-chan is a reincarnation of a dragon. The last dragon. She’s slowly getting her memories from that life back, so…”

Kokichi let out a little breath. “...so there’s a big sleeping dragon in Miyako’s mind, keeping her safe from outside influence. Maki-chan’s the reason Flora aren’t flooding her.”

……….

When the healer came in with broth, Kaito Momota was doubled over, head in his hands, laughing hysterically. “Uh… are we feeling energetic enough to be making jokes then?” They asked, bringing the bowl of broth over.

“Ha ha ha ha…” Kaito laughed a bit, looking exhausted but entirely amused as he looked up at the healer, “Uh, no, but… sorry, you’d have had to have been there. Here, I’ll feed him. Thank you so much.”

Watching the healer go, Kaito waited till the door clicked shut… before giggling again. “Holy shit… why does that make so much sense? Something that crazy shouldn’t be, like… oh yeah. Obviously. Want me to sit you up a bit, babe?”

Kokichi watched, tired but amused as Kaito cracked up. He could feel enough to know it wasn’t maniacal, dangerous laughter so…yeah. It was pretty funny. 

“It’s pretty fitting, huh. I think that’s why I wanted the book of magic folk so badly…when I saw the dragon illustration, it must’ve struck a chord with the part of me that knew Maki-chan… Yes, please, hun.”

As Kaito helped him sit up, Kokichi hummed softly. “...I’ve met her, a few times. The dragon…memory. Or ancestor. She’s…really incredible. I mean, she’s Maki-chan, so of course she is, even if Maki-chan insists that only Maki-chan is Maki-chan, but…still. I think one of her teeth is about the size of my torso.”

“Geez… there’s a part of me that doesn’t believe you.” Kaito admitted, still looking fond at the idea though, offering Kokichi a spoonful of broth, blowing on it a little first, idly worried the broth might be surprisingly warm, “It’s hard to believe. If I thought you were a psychopath? Like, incomprehensibly cruel? I’d be convinced this is just a… really poorly thought out joke. Let’s see what insane things we can get Kaito to believe, sort of thing…”

“But I don’t think you’d do that to me. At least not to this extent. So… I have to believe that you’re at least not deceiving me on purpose… which, wow, feels kinda stupid to say aloud. But there’s a difference between keeping something from me and just making shit up? Yeah. Yeah, I don’t believe you’d literally just make things up. Not unless you believed it yourself.” Kaito decided, nodding to himself, “I can trust that. So… as hard as it is to believe? Maki is…” Kaito’s brow furrowed, “...a massive dragon in our daughters head fighting off the hivemind? Do I have that ri– oh! Wait, wait, wait, who started calling her the Last Dragon of Luminary? Didn’t I start that? Did Shuichi put that idea in my head because she’s an actual dragon?? Or did I just get really lucky with my nickname?”

Thinking about it more, Kaito remembered, “And, you know… you told me you felt Miyako, when she was born. I remember that conversation… and you told me about Alter Ego… I bet there’s lots of times you just idly told me and neither of us had any clue what you were on about… weird.”

Kokichi nodded slightly, though he stilled to take in the spoonful of broth. It was easier to get down than he thought… Somehow Isabella and the others always knew what he needed from easy food. 

“Psycopathy isn’t cruel,” he murmured reflexively, “But…yeah. I… I’d hope that I’ve proven myself enough to not just…maliciously make things up. I’m a liar, but…I don’t want to lie to you. Not like this.”

Though there wasn’t much he’d proven himself to be, except untrustworthy. He’d run out of good faith chances, but…Kaito was giving him another anyway. Because they couldn’t stay away from each other. So…Kokichi was determined not to mess this chance up too. 

“I think you were the one to come up with the nickname, but I’d told you guys about the dragon story in the book? Then…Shuu-chan probably encouraged it ‘cause he thought it was right… Maybe? Was that after he knew? I don’t remember…” Kokichi sighed tiredly, but took another spoonful. Soon after, though, a slightly exasperated look came over his face. “You don’t know the half of it… Honestly? I’ve been thinking I’ve been going insane for months. I think… I told you about how I was having thoughts that weren’t my own, but were still me? Do you remember that?”

Kokichi groaned softly. “That was absolutely some of my memories bleeding in, driving me nuts.”

Oh, riiiiight… right. Kokichi was a self-identified liar. Kaito had kinda forgotten that was more than just telling quirky stories. Sometimes. Honestly, Kaito was just asking for it. A detective, an assassin, and a liar had, gasp, lied to him? Shocking. 

He was still gonna kick Maki’s ass.

“God, that’s scary.” Kaito mused, stirring the broth a little, “I can’t imagine. And I remember, uh… I remember…” Kaito paused, “... yeah, I do remember that. It was pretty incomprehensible at the time, I’ll admit, I thought you were maybe having some sort of stress meltdown and were struggling to explain what you were stressed about… which is maybe not entirely inaccurate, but with more supernatural stuff.”

“...oh! Is this the ‘important’ thing you wanted to tell us in therapy!?” Kaito asked, eyes widening, “Cause that was weird. This is absolutely what that was all about, wasn’t it?”

Kokichi nodded tiredly. There had been more than a few moments--that time, when he’d had a panic attack in town because Madam Yubaba was setting off his defences, just…so many times his self-esteem had tanked… At least he knew, now. Maybe Kokichi was a little crazy, but he wasn’t hearing hallucinations in his head. None of them needed that.

…the thing from therapy. 

Blinking in surprise, Kokichi’s eyes widened before he nodded emphatically. “Oh! Yeah…yeah. That’s absolutely what I was talking about…” Kokichi screwed up his face, thinking for a moment. “...I think that was right after I started making a dedicated effort towards trying to remember. That was…not helpful in the slightest, but I guess my brain was trying.”

Letting out a little sigh, Kokichi relaxed again. “...I’m kinda glad I didn’t, then. I trust Dr. Mariah with a lot, but I’m absolutely not bringing this up in therapy.” He frowned. “...as much as I wish I could. …I’ve fucked up so much…it would help to be able to talk about it.”

“Oh, yeah… guess this is the kind of thing we can’t talk to anyone about.” Kaito murmured, offering Kokichi another spoonful of broth, “...yeah. Man, that’s gonna be… challenging. But necessary! Absolutely necessary. Can’t put you and Miyako into danger, so… everything that just happened?”

Kaito made the motion of zipping his mouth shut, and then inexplicably turning it into a key and flicking it away, sort of mixing and merging two metaphors without thinking that hard about either of them. “Not gonna talk about it. That will be… totally do-able.”

“...and you havn’t fucked up. Or…” Kaito’s eyes narrowed, “I’m betting you didn’t fuck it up. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. Maybe collectively forty whole minutes? And I think I know who’s really to blame for you not trusting me…Maki. Our resident dragon herself… she’s a bad influence on you. I love her. She’s obviously irreplaceable. She does so much for us every day and is also apparently standing guard in our daughters mind, and raises my son dedicatedly. And I’m gonna throw her into a wall.”

“...eventually. Someday. Not right away.” Kaito frowned, “Don’t worry. Just someday… when she least expects it.”

“I trust you,” Kokichi said softly, knowing how painful those words were right now. “You’ll keep us safe, I know you will. It’s safer than ever, at least where we live, to be an Empath, but it’s still not something we’re broadcasting to the world. And with my work…it’s not as dangerous, but I still think there are people out there who’d wanna come after me. And…even with people just knowing about Miyako…”

He sighed. “...I want our daughter to be able to grow up as a kid. Not as a god, not as a monster. She’s special, but she’s still just a person.”

Taking the broth, Kokichi frowned more, giving Kaito a sad, guilty look. “...I’m not gonna say you can’t be mad at Maki-chan. I understand why she did and…it’s been helpful for me, and Shuu-chan too. But…I wish she had been able to ask before she found out about me.”

“...but my mistakes are my own. It’s my fault.”

“Shhhh, shush shush shush.” Kaito hushed, spinning the broth again and giving Kokichi a dry look, “‘Kichi, I’ve been awake for over twenty-four hours, I have a really garish mixture of purple and green on my nails right now, and I just found out both my partners felt entirely comfortable not telling me for at the very least weeks and the very most months after they found out that my special needs daughter had a bunch of special needs.” 

“And I, in my stressed out, angry, tired and glorious wisdom, have decided to fixate all that frustration on the one person in this group who does not live in my room with me and can physically and adequately defend herself. It’s an ideal mindset right now.” Kaito grinned warily, looking just exhausted as he said, “So, like, just for today? Maybe tomorrow? Let’s not ruin that for me. Kay? Have some more broth, you’re looking a little better already… a little.” Kaito shrugged. “We can talk about it more candidly about the negative side of all this when I’m not on the verge of losing my mind. Kay? Give me a few days.”

So he did take his color suggestion. Kokichi would look forward to seeing them later--hopefully he’d be cleared to go back to their room that night. Most probably, he’d have to finish the hydration pack and still around for maybe another hour to make sure he was more stable, then he could go back under orders to take it easy and keep eating. 

…it felt more doable now, even if Kokichi didn’t feel up to much more.

Kokichi sighed softly and reached out a shaky hand to rest on Kaito’s arm. “...okay. I’m sorry.” He glanced down for a moment, unsure, before resting his hand back on the bed. “...if… I’m not telling you to go. But…you don’t always have to take care of me, you know? It’s not…letting me down, or not being useful. I know…it’s not easy, having a partner like me. You have to deal with so much that you never signed up for…”

He knew it was rarely a good idea to take what people said in a furious rant to heart, but…well, it was something that had bothered him even before they met. Miyako had special needs, and so did Kokichi. It…it didn’t make them lesser, or burdens, or incapable, but…they did need extra, sometimes very difficult accommodations. And…Kaito really had just been thrown in the deep end, even if he had insisted to be there. 

Kaito always took care of him when he was ill. It was a lot.

“‘Kichi, I want to take care of you.” Kaito said simply, “... admittedly, I didn’t do a good job of it last night. This morning? Both. But that was me messing up. And look what the fuck happened.”

Kaito hesitated, his eyes widening… before he put the bowl down, putting his head in his hands and groaning. “...I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I did not mean it like that. That was just me being fucking mean… you know what happened this morning? I was acting like an asshole and sabotaging you and you, ‘Kichi, realized things were falling apart and reached out for help to fix things.”

Sighing, peeking his eyes out to Kokichi, Kaito said, “That was you taking care of us. Because that’s what we’re supposed to do, right? Take care of each other? I needed you to do that, and… I mean, you need me to do things, sometimes. That is what I signed up for… the second time. When we decided not to get a divorce. We both signed up to deal with each others nonsense. And we both have a looooot of nonsense… do you think you can finish this broth?”

Kokichi cringed, but…

Things were okay. They both weren’t okay, but…they had calmed down, and were trying to work together again. Progress wasn’t never making mistakes, it was the willingness and determination to keep moving forward while learning from those mistakes. Miyako had suffered from their mistakes (hopefully Shuuichi had managed to calm her down) and Kokichi…admittedly wasn’t in the best shape, but this wasn’t anything they couldn’t recover from. 

Letting out a slow breath, Kokichi reached out to touch Kaito’s arm again. “...yeah. We take care of each other… I really appreciate all you do for me. For us. There’s so much you could just…ask a healer to do, or ask someone from housekeeping…but you do it, because you love us. And I should be more open with you… I guess… I just want you to know that it’d be okay, if there’s stuff you don’t want to do. If the weight on your shoulders gets too heavy, there’s other people we can rely on, too.”

Relaxing against the bed again, Kokichi regarded the bowl. “...I think I can… I’m still tired, but…I’m feeling a lot more clear-headed, now.”

“...not yet. Nothings too heavy yet.” Kaito murmured, picking up the bowl, “I’ll keep it in mind if it ever gets to be genuinely too much, but for now? No. I’m okay. I’ve got pretty broad shoulders.”

“But, thank you ‘Kichi.” Kaito said, filling the spoon, “Alright. Let’s finish this broth.”

-

Shuichi, for just going to the office… was decked out. Baby bag across his shoulder. Baby carrier in hand. Baby in the other. 

But Shuichi had volunteered that afternoon to watch Miyako because Katio was still ‘not’ having his mental breakdown, which equaled starting and stopping projects with wild enthusiasm that only matched his inconsistency. Today, he wanted to make paintings for the hallway they lived in. He seemed determined that it would improve their living conditions. Shuichi had listened to him rant about it for almost an hour before telling him to go out to the yard to figure this painting thing out, he’d watch Miyako.

But he had told Nadya before that he wanted to talk to her that day, and he wasn’t about to back out of that either. So. Miyako was Going To Work. 

Arms too full to do so, Shuichi called through the door, “Nadya! I’m here! Could you please let me in?”

Nadya wasn’t quite using the office as much these days, since Kokichi was on paternity leave. It was much easier to get assignments and confirmation if she remained downstairs, closer to the other administrators, however, when she had larger research projects or stacks of paperwork to fill out, the office on the third floor was a wonderful oasis of peace and familiarity.

And it was a good place to talk without being overheard. 

Opening up the door with a pleased smile, Nadya only looked surprised for a moment, seeing Miyako before her delight increased. “Greetings, Shuuichi--and Miyako too. What a lovely surprise…” Faintly, Nadya looked a bit worried. “I heard Kokichi spent some time in the medical wing, the past few days. Is everything alright? You are not obligated to divulge everything, of course, but I admit, as happy I am to get to see your daughter again, I am a bit worried concerning the rumors going around the castle.”

“He is…” Shuichi paused, considering his wording as he placed the baby carrier on what used to be his desk, bouncing Miyako in his arms a little as she drooled against his shoulder, looking around curiously as he put the diaper bag down next to it, “...recovering. Look, I can trust you to not spread rumors, right? I know you’re good at keeping secrets.”

“Kaito and Kokichi had a fight.” Shuichi sighed, patting Miyako on her little diaper butt as he leaned against the desk, giving Nadya an exasperated look, “Actually, Kaito’s currently in a fight with everyone, but I carried his baby for nine months and keep holding Miyako as a buffer, so he’s really more just having a fight with Kokichi and Maki right now. And it’s one of those ugly fights that stresses Kokichi out enough till he ends up in the medward. Thankfully I think we’re on the other side of that now, but it was bad for a moment there. They’ll be okay, but they’re doing all the ‘Big Fight’ stuff, up to and including the usual rumor mill cycle.”

“Oh, and Kaito is now very aware of magic stuff, though he is not aware of you and your type of magic specifically.” Shuichi said, idly pulling his hair out of Miyako’s grip, “Just so you’re up to date.”

Working in a busy office in the hub of one of the most important cities in the country meant that even if she never spoke to anyone except for the explicit purposes of business, Nadya was not exempt from hearing gossip. And while she enjoyed participating in casual conversations with her peers and coworkers, Nadya wasn’t quite one to spread around gossip herself. 

Particularly about Kokichi, who was (along with the rest of the royal family) often a hot topic whenever Secretary Hideki wasn’t there to ‘shut down nonsense talk’. Sometimes it was cute, hearing about people gushing over little Miyako, or about the family being out and about in town, or about the work Kokichi had done…but there were many things Nadya either ignored or shut down herself. 

So she nodded, frowning a bit as Shuuichi let her on on the truth of the royal family. She wasn’t really privy as to what fights between the princes looked like, but…well, she had seen them in ridiculously stressful situations before. Nadya could only hope it wasn’t as bad as a ‘drugging and kidnapping’ situation, and be glad they were on the other side. 

But the other news…

Nadya blinked before letting out a sigh of air, leaning against her desk now too. “That’s…not an insignificant development. I… I express my gratitude again, Shuuichi, for your willingness in keeping my secret. Your choices do not go unappreciated.”

“It’s not insignificant, so I apologize if I sound flippant.” Shuchi agreed, kissing Miyako against the side of her head as she pouted at him when he pulled his hand out of her grip again. Miyako continued to pout but didn’t whine, partly appeased by the kiss but mostly in her extremely young life quickly coming to realize Shuichi wasn’t the dad she could bully into stuff. Which was a bummer… but that was just the way things were. And there was still red hair and purple hair (previously Big Heat and Soft Heat) who were much bigger pushovers.

“It’s simply that… it’s so dramatic and tense back in the room.” Shuichi sighed, “I can’t help but want to make light of the situation when I can. You know how things can go with us. It can get very… ‘copper-piece novel’ levels of drama.”

“And…” Shuichi gave Nadya an exasperated look, “Between keeping track of who knows what and which magic stuff is common knowledge… Kokichi finding out about magic stuff because of our sweet plant baby here is one thing, but it always feels like there’s some new thing every month. And now Kaito’s playing catch-up and it feels like we’re right back to the start again. So, if you’re okay with it… there’s some stuff I wanted to clear up with you, so if Kaito asks me, I can have some idea of what I’m talking about.”

“No, I understand. There…simply is a lot to take in that I don’t believe I have appropriate words for, at the moment. It seems as though you have had more than enough words, however, so it is your right to flit over the situation--I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.”

So…Kaito now knew of the world. It seemed appropriate, all things considered… Perhaps, when things had calmed down more, it was time for her own conversation with the prince. It wasn’t exactly necessary, as he had never questioned her involvement in his rescue, but…after being kept unaware, it felt right to let him in on more. 

He may enjoy being a part of their regular conversations, actually.

“Of course,” Nadya nodded. “As ever, I will always strive to answers your queries to the best of my ability.”

“...on that note, actually, as a quick aside…” Nadya sighed softly, giving Shuuichi a fondly exasperated look. “My acquaintance I told you about from my village, Lluwyn, wrote back to me, on the subject of the author’s biases concerning that encyclopedia, of sorts. He…had some choice words for it, and has expressed a desire to venture out from the Hollow to visit and dig into the tome himself…”

“...it’s intriguing, actually. In our time growing up together, I never knew Lluwyn to find much interest in people, rather than our village’s collection of knowledge. People change, naturally, but he did seem rather interested in meeting you, given your questions on the nature of things magical.”

Nadya shrugged. “All that aside, though…what sort of queries do you have?”

“Lluwyn… the ‘cat’ friend? I’m surprised he got back to you, you made it sound like he might ignore the letter entirely.” Shuichi smirked slightly, giving Nadya a fond look as he said, “You know, sometimes it’s reassuring to remember I’m not actually that anti-social, at least in comparison to some people. But, that said… I suppose I’m honored he’s interested enough in my research to travel… or at least interested enough to want to look personally at the resources I’m looking at. I’d love to meet him.”

“...is that too smug?” Shuichi laughed, shaking his head, his eyes lighting up a little, “I apologize, that all just made me very excited. Someone from a higher education based magical community wants to come to me to talk about my observations on magical research. That might not seem like much to you, but that’s… the most interesting not inherently traumatic thing that’s happened in years, to me. No offense, Miyako, father loves you very much.” Shuichi assured her, giving her another kiss on the top of her head as Miyako made another bid at snagging his hair. “But still technically accurate.”

Going to sit on the couch, Shuichi settled in, thinking, “...I know Flora are durable, and are part of a hive mind, and that they have certain plant-like biases, such as an increased craving for vitamin C from sunlight. Kaito already knows all this, but I feel like when he stops trying to distract himself with all these random projects, he’s going to want to know more about what being a Flora means for Miyako. Is there anything more to it than this hivemind stuff? Like…” Shuichi peered at Miyako, “...anything you would know about? It’s fine if you don’t know, there’s other people we can ask, but I figured I’d go to you first. I can’t find anything written about Flora other than that one Danganronpa book which dances around the subject entirely unless you know exactly what you’re looking for.”

“Oh, believe me, I was quite astonished when I saw his letter in my mailbox,” Nadya laughed softly. “But for how uninterested he can be in the social aspect of most things, Lluwyn is not one to ignore potential for new knowledge. And it has been a few years since I have been back home--he may have changed since we were adolescents.”

Giving Shuuichi a soft, excited look, Nadya smiled even more. “And it is something to be excited about. Due to the nature of his study, Lluwyn may not have achieved accolades the likes of more well-known researchers in Dicea, but he is a fiercely dedicated scholar. Given your relatively recent initiation into the greater knowledge of the world, it’s quite flattering for a life-long scholar to find intrigue in the observations and conclusions you’ve drawn.”

Nodding a bit as Shuuichi settled down on the couch, Nadya started up the portable kettle still in the office, something she’d cleaned and re-filled before Shuuichi arrived. She wasn’t sure how long he had wanted to talk, but it would still be nice to have something warm and soothing nearby to sip on. 

Though, unfortunately, while the subject of Flora was deep and complex…

Nadya sighed as she settled in her desk chair, having moved it across from the couch. “The Hollow never had extensive information in the first place, but much text about Flora across Dicea as a whole has been lost. There is not much to the account, but I’m still inclined to believe it considering the state of things today--apparently, a few thousand years ago, the Flora began an information campaign, likely the precedent of Danganronpa’s tight hold on information these days. Any mention of them in texts was destroyed, save a few managing to be hidden and saved. Much of the knowledge we have has been anecdotal from individual Flora who have come forward to have their stories preserved.”

Thinking for a moment, Nadya considered the information she knew Shuuichi already had, and thought about if there was anything more that would be helpful. “...they are particularly vulnerable to fire. A Flora can recover from most any type of injury, even those that would be immediately fatal to a human, but if their entire body is engulfed in flame, there is no recovery. I would imagine you weren’t particularly keen to set your daughter ablaze, though,” Nadya gave Shuuichi a look of dry humor. 

“I have…less conclusions about this, but…apparently, after puberty, which would occur in the same span of whatever species the Flora in question had been born from, so in Miyako’s case, human… Well. Excuse my crudeness, but their genitalia can develop into a range of…differences.” Nadya looked dissatisfied with her own explanation, but she could only give Shuuichi a shrug. “Apparently there are vast variances, and the account I learned from didn’t go into much detail. There wasn’t any written indication that it would hurt or hinder the Flora in question, though I imagine it might for a possible partner.”

“...oh,” she perked, “And this is, again, less helpful, but their blood is recorded as being a reagent in some forms of witchcraft. Used for strengthening psychic bonds, if I recall correctly.”

Shuichi winced slightly, patting Miyako on the bum some more as he held her a little tighter. “I see… so be prepared for a confusing puberty to navigate. I suppose that’s every parents burden, but… we’ll do some research. Make certain she’s prepared. And as relieving as the idea that almost nothing can hurt her, there’s something extremely paranoid inducing in being aware of the sudden one thing that can. Lots of fire safety training.”

Shuichi had no idea what sort of puberty Miyako could have that would cause her partners discomfort, and, honestly, Shuichi was entirely willing to leave that to Kaito to research and work that out with Miyako. Kaito could handle the sex stuff. As far as Shuichi was concerned, Miyako was a virgin until she had her second child. Maybe her third.

(The fact that Shuichi hadn’t quite wrapped his head around the fact that Miyako herself would never carry a child, despite having personally lived with the effects of that, was another reason why he’d likely leave that aspect of her parenting to Kaito.)

“And…” Shuichi eyes narrowed, “Should I interpret that last bit as ‘Miyako might be asked to donate blood’ someday, or ‘be very scared of witches’?”

“It might provide peace of mind to invest in a few fire blankets,” Nadya nodded with a shrug. “As far as I understand, it is not like a Flora will go up if they get a burn--in all likelihood, they would be closer to a human’s flammability, but…regardless. Teach her not to play with matches, ‘stop, drop, and roll’, and go along with fire safety drills, and she should be prepared for most of what life hands her at that point.”

And Miyako wouldn’t have to worry about growing up in a village full of young mages testing out their basic elemental magic. Nadya was very familiar with fire safety, as it had been a precaution everyone in the Hollow followed, regardless if most of the people living there could also summon spouts of water or scatter the oxygen in a small area. 

As for the last part… Nadya sighed. “I won’t be dishonest--it would depend on the witch. But there haven’t been reports of witches kidnapping people in quite some time--even the missing peoples reports I’ve found while working here don’t quite align with what I would consider a sign of a witch gathering ingredients. Many of the witches I knew by proxy were simply regular people, in terms of sociability, and the ones that weren’t were more inclined to go through fair trades than take anything by force.”

“My best recommendation would be to accompany Miyako if anyone approaches her about donating blood. Use your judgment as though you were combing a contract for fairness and loopholes.” Nadya frowned softly. “Though the number of people in the know is growing…I do doubt it will become public knowledge that your daughter is a Flora--for my own part, I have no intentions of letting anyone know. Some people may be able to put it together if they also heard you had ingested Despair Poppies, but…even that connection is lesser known, even if the fact of poppies allowing an individual to carry children is now published medical knowledge. But…for a person to put it together without your family having told them, they would have to know about magic folk, would have to know about Flora specifically, and how poppies lead to Flora, and that you had poppies. It is an abundance of general and personal knowledge required.”

“Contracts, yes. I’m slowly coming to realize how many magical communities seriously follow contracts as part of their cultures. Kokichi will be well prepared to talk to them, if he ever decides too…” Shuichi smiled slightly as Miyako seemed to settle down on him, no longer wiggling but content to just lay her head on his shoulder. 

“... thank you, Nadya.” Shuichi said softly, rubbing her back, “For keeping our secrets. And being reliable in troubling times. You’re a worthwhile friend, my family is lucky to know you.”

“...” Shuichi continued to rub Miyako’s back, looking thoughtful about something, “...Nadya? Is there anything… magical? That you know about that maybe… oh, I’m not sure exactly what I’m asking for. Kaito’s mad, things are tense, Kokichi’s too ill to do any empath stuff safely, and I’d like to…” Shuichi shrugged, smiling slightly, “I’d like to show something nice to Kaito. Something that will make him more optimistic about all of this. Kaito loves fantasy-style stuff, and… well, how he’s discovered this side of the world is sort of a disappointment, but it really is…”

Shuichi’s eyes widened, “Exciting. And wonderful. It’s literally amazing, and I’m certain he’d be just as fascinated with all of this as I am, if he wasn’t busy being so upset. So I want to show him something that might spark his sense of wonder…”

Shuichi shrugged, “Any recommendations?”

As was the duty of a leader, she supposed. With so many people capable of grand and wondrous things, it was important to draw lines--otherwise, you got things like the Werewolf Hunts in the old days. To avoid extinction and persecution, they all needed to decide on rules and abide by them. The same was for humans, really. 

Pouring out two cups of tea--lemon chiffon, the bag said--Nadya gave Shuuichi a fond, grateful look. “And I consider myself lucky to know all of you. You have all been wonderful friends to me… I never considered myself unable to form bonds, but…Usott truly feels like a home to me, not in small part due to my friendships with all of you. And I do give credit to Kaito for helping me gain enough confidence to start courting Conrad.”

Nadya’s days in Falcon’s Hollow were fond memories she cherished, but…she never quite fit in. Magic was interesting enough, but she knew from a young age it was not something she wanted to dedicate her life to. Traveling around the country had been a breath of fresh air, the sort of excitement she had yearned for, but…there had been a certain kind of loneliness in not having a place to call home. And then the war…her participation had felt right. Like she was dedicating her talents and life to a cause she believed it. 

But after it was over… Traveling felt too empty. When it had been out of necessity, always on the lookout for an ambush or traps, coming into small towns decimated or occupied, once welcoming people hiding in their homes… She had needed stability. Something to keep her mind occupied, something that felt worthwhile, and her administrative work certainly filled that, but…she had needed quiet. 

Shuuichi and his family weren’t exactly the calmest group to be around, especially right at the beginning, but…they were a family, dedicated to that notion throughout even the worst hardship. And they had extended their hands to her too. And…Usott felt like a home. 

Nadya had grown up around magic, but imagining having her only exposure something stressful and traumatic… Nadya hummed thoughtfully, thinking of what could spark that creative glee she often saw from Kaito. 

…he did tend to get excited about his figurines…

“Are you familiar with the shop, ‘Augury and Alchemy’?” Nadya asked. “They sell a lot of aesthetically occult and magical items, but I know that at least one of the owners is a witch and they have a back stock of legitimately magical items. Perhaps getting Kaito an animated statuette might be something acceptable? A dragon that actually flies or a snow golem leaving ice crystals in its wake… It’s small, but it might be a nice introduction to the more fun aspects of magic.”

Shuichi smirked, Miyako coo’ing slightly in excitement as she felt his satisfaction with that idea. “Nadya… that’s perfect. And I know exactly who’s going to gift it to him… thank you.”

-

Kokichi, for once going up those hidden steps, was unsure if therapy was actually going to help. Not because of anyone not believing in it, or being cagey, but…they couldn’t tell Dr. Mariah about everything that happened. Not only was it a bad idea for their own safety, but…she’d think they were crazy. Even if she played along to sort out their issues, as their therapist she couldn’t in good conscience allow them to continue on in a shared delusion. 

So…they would be stuck trying to talk about issues that they couldn’t describe and…how were they supposed to get through them that way? 

He was feeling a lot better, a few days later, but…though he would take responsibility for his mistakes…Kokichi didn’t know if he could take the full force of Kaito’s pain again. It was something his husband had more than enough reason to feel, but…of course Kokichi would feel bad too. He’d done something he promised himself he’d never do, he’d caused his husband pain and…that sucked. It hurt. And if Kaito started crying again, Kokichi would be right behind him. 

Perhaps it was self-sabotage for not talking about it, but Kokichi could exactly hide his glumness as he waved to Dr. Mariah before getting settled in his egg. “Good afternoon, Doctor. It’s nice to see you again.”

“Welcome, welcome…” Dr. Mariah adjusted the frame of her glasses… before sighing slightly, saying without looking up from her small journal, “Yes, Kaito?”

“I love them. They’re so cute.” Kaito gushed, having been staring at the young looking therapists extremely round glasses with open adoration, “You look so sweet.”

“You wear contacts?” Maki asked, bringing in her legs into the egg, sitting cross legged inside. “For some reason that catches me off guard.”

“It shouldn’t. People's eyes degrade as they get older, and despite my appearance, I am older.” Dr. Mariah reminded them, adjusting her glasses some more  and ignoring the strong taste of strawberry that bursted from Kaito when she did so. This was why she couldn’t wear these damn glasses. She looked adorable in them, people susceptible to ‘cute’ lost their damn minds. It was difficult enough being taken seriously as a demon, let alone a relationship therapist.

But her eyes had been a bit dry this morning, so… glasses.

Licking her lips slightly, Dr. Mariah’s brow furrowed– ooph… nutritious, but also seriously not a good starting place– as she closed her journal with a snap, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she looked them over. “You all seem tense. I believe I didn’t give any of you homework since the last session, so I’m afraid our jumping off point will have to start there.”

“From where? Us seeming tense? Feels a bit ‘mind-ready’, Doctor.” Shuichi snarked, raising an eyebrow at her as he settled into his egg as well, “I thought we were avoiding that.”

“Aptly observed, Shuichi. As a reward for your dedication to the process, let’s start with you.” Dr. Mariah decided, smirking a little at Shuchi’s sigh, “Our last few sessions were challenging for everyone involved, but we made some progress by the end of the last one. How have things been since then? Is the tension I’m feeling the fight re-surging?”

“The fight…?” Shuichi looked briefly confused, before saying, “Oh, right. We just had a fight. Sorry, we’ve had some… issues this summer, it’s all starting to bleed together. What was that fight?”

“Uh, I think it was mostly just me having a variety of issues. Admittedly, it all got kinda jumbled by the end there.” Kaito shrugged, notably already playing with his meditation stone, having been playing with it idly the whole day. “I know that, uh, we were talking about trying to rely on each other more, and Kokichi let me know a bunch of important ways he’s helped me…”

Dr. Mariah gave them all a mildly exasperated look, “Kaito was feeling isolated and was explaining to us the difficulties he was having trying to have relationships with Kokichi’s side of the family, and that all lead to revelations that there were greater communication issues happening, Shuichi and Maki were refusing to involve themselves in ways that suggested they had personal things to wok on, Kokichi was refusing to talk about personal issues if it felt like only his problem, and Kaito was struggling to communicate that he was feeling like you all tended to ‘manage’ him more than ‘communicate’ with him.”

“Oh… huh.” Shuichi shifted his hat a little, “...we did talk about that, didn’t we.”

“Whoops.” Maki muttered.

Kokichi let out an enormous sigh, flopping back in his chair for a moment before pulling himself back up. “...that was a two-part session, wasn’t it… It wasn’t even two weeks ago…how does it feel like months?”

…feeling more managed than communicated…yeah. That’s absolutely what they fuckin’ did… Kokichi used his fucking…cheats to reassure himself, without actually being honest and candid with Kaito, leaving him in the dark. What a piece of shit…

Kokichi rubbed his face. “...it’s not that fight, though…communication issues is still definitely there. But we did have another fight…” Trailing off, Kokichi frowned more. “...or less of a fight, and just…Kai-chan being rightfully mad about me being a piece of shit.”

“...but we can’t talk about the specifics,” he frowned more. “So…it’s gonna be a harder thing to discuss.”

Dr. Mariah, making full use of the extra emphasis wearing glasses could allow this expression, grabbed the corner of said glasses, lowered them slightly to peer at Kokichi over the brim of the, raised an eyebrow… before placing her glasses back where they started. “I see… so, some sort of incident occurred between the four of you that is still causing tension, that centers around the issue of communicating specifically with Kaito, that we… cannot talk about specifically. Is that correct?”

“...yes.” Kaito said after a moment. “We, uh… we can’t, Dr. Mariah. I’m sorry, it’s important.”

“...” Dr. Mariah gave them all a blank look, before simply nodding, “Of course. It is up to my patients discretions, what they choose to share. So, let’s discuss then. To summarize, what can I know about said incident? And who’s best to summarize this for me without letting out some need to know information?”

Dr. Mariah watched everyone carefully. Maki didn’t so much as react. Shuichi opened his mouth, like he was about to start talking, but then hesitated, looking between Kokichi and Kaito. Kaito immediately looked to Kokichi.

Okay. That said some things by itself. It was a secret centered around Kokichi. 

As much as they (he) could use her help…they couldn’t say anything. Still, Kokichi squirmed a little under Dr. Mariah’s gaze, his lips flattening as his family looked to him. Well…yeah. It was his secret. 

“So…” Kokichi started softly after a moment, trying to figure out how to explain it. “...I have a secret--something that’s…pretty important, and…will, if not shape, then heavily influence my close relationships. And…it’s pretty complicated too. For awhile I…”

Kokichi’s lips twisted in frustration. It wasn’t really normal to not know your own secrets. “...well. Due to various reasons, I couldn’t do much about it for…months. About a year, at this point… I knew I always wanted to tell my family,” he implored, looking up with urgency in his eyes, “But…I knew I wouldn’t be able to for a long time. Kai-chan and I promised not to keep big secrets from each other and…for the longest time, I was determined that as soon as I could, he would be the first to know.”

Briefly, Kokichi glanced over at Kaito, a terribly sad and apologetic look in his eyes. 

“However…due to…other things…about a month and a half ago, Shuu-chan and Maki-chan found out. I still couldn’t say anything myself, really, but…people knew. And…it turned out that Ikuo had known since I was a baby…so…he was in on it too.”

Kokichi sighed, clasping his hands in his lap. “...a few days ago, I was finally about to talk about it, but…uh… I was kind of freaking out about it. So…in trying to finally tell Kai-chan…it was pretty scary.” Kokichi wilted, looking back down. “...but when it got sorted… Everyone who needed to know knew but him. And…so I’d been keeping this big, important secret from him, even when there were other ways to let him know and…I just…didn’t.”

“So…Kai-chan’s right to be angry,” Kokichi murmured. “...I broke our big promise. I didn’t trust him enough to find another way…”

“I see.” Dr. Mariah said. But she didn’t say it like that. She pronounced every syllable slowly, and there was a small ‘pop’ of her lips at the end of it, tapping on her journal as she considered Kokichi a bit… before turning to Kaito, “Kaito? How would you summarize everything that happened.”

“... um.” Kaito looked to Kokich again, “So, like Kokichi said, there was something that he was… sort of aware of, for awhile. But… he didn’t know enough about it. And he wanted to know everything he could about the situation before he talked to me about it.”

“Okay.” Dr. Mariah said, watching Kaito’s eyes search the koi pond, clearly thinking about his words before he continued, “Go on.”

“Right! So, Kokichi didn’t have all the information for a long time, and, well, like we talked about last time, Kokichi tends to keep things to himself if it’s a ‘just Kokichi’ problem… but, like, it wasn’t a just Kokichi problem, it was kind of an ‘everyone’ problem… but hold on, that’s not the point, “ Kaito sighed, rubbing his hands together, “Kokichi just wanted to wait until he had all the information. But then, Shuichi and Maki found out when a mutual friend told them about Kokichi’s problem…”

“Mmhm.” Dr. Mariah nodded.

“...and then Maki absolutely convinced all of them to keep me out of the loop anyway, even though literally everyone else knew in some sort of capacity, because Maki is an asshole who likes to hurt me.” Kaito finished, looking proud of himself as he grinned, “And that’s what happened.”

“...uh huh.” Dr. Mariah said, glancing over at Maki, who was mid-eyeroll. “Maki?”

“Yep. It was all a big conspiracy of me trying to ruin Kaito’s relationships. He got it in one.” Maki drolled dryly, giving Kaito a dry look, who grinned sharply back at her, “As he keeps informing me. Over and over again.”

“Damn right.” Kaito grinned.

Kokichi knew why he hadn’t asked anyone to tell his family as soon as he found out. For one…he didn’t really understand what being an Empath was at all, or had even started processing the existence of magic, and Alter Ego’s grave warning of keeping it a secret followed him whenever he could remember it. 

And, well…he had only known Alter Ego. His family would’ve thought they’d gone crazy if a cat in their dreams told them he was an Empath. 

Then after he met Temp, and they worked together throwing Tengan out of Kaito’s head (fuck, that was another big conversation to have)...Kokichi trusted Temp to be a person to rely on for Empath dealings, but…he still hadn’t trusted him as a friend. 

Really…not until Temp and Shuuichi made their deal did Kokichi even have a way to tell anyone. After that…he should’ve asked Temp to tell Kaito. That was where he’d fallen apart. 

(...but even back then…it was scary. The idea of everyone knowing something about him that he didn’t. Not until the calmness of his resolve had seeped into his regular consciousness did Kokichi feel alright with it. But that fear was what Kaito was having to deal with now.)

Kokichi sighed a bit at Kaito’s chosen reality. It had been a few days, and he had agreed to that, but…it wasn’t something they could live in forever. And he hated making Maki the scapegoat. 

Kokichi looked at his feet, swinging his egg a little. “...I was scared for people to know when I couldn’t do anything about it. Please…just blame me.”

“Nope~” Kaito said, crossing his arms, “I am not just blaming you, because you are not the sole, or hell, even the main problem! It’s Maki.”

“I see.” Dr. Mariah said, looking curious at this, “Maki, it seems you’re suddenly a key figure in this mystery-laden problem. Would you please summarize what happened for me? I’m sorry to keep asking, but without being able to get into the specifics, having as many viewpoints as possible on what I am allowed to know would be very helpful for me to lead further discussion.”

“Certainly.” Maki said, drawing one knee up to her chest and laying her cheek across her knee, “Kaito has decided that I am the reason Kokichi doesn’t trust him. He thinks I’ve poisoned Kokichi’s perspective of him, and that’s why Kokichi is more comfortable keeping secrets from him more than anyone else. And we don’t really need to go into the specifics of what happened to talk about that, because he’s mostly talking about the first big secret I asked Kokichi to keep from Kaito when we first met him.”

“Which was?”

“That I had plans to murder all of Kaito’s immediate family.”

“Ah… for ethical reasons, I do have to ask if you still have plans to murder anyone in, really, anyone’s family, Maki…”

“Currently? No.”

“Well. That’s something to chew on, certainly. Might as well get all perspectives by this point. Shuichi?”

“It’s all genuinely a miscommunication.” Shuichi sighed, tucking some of his hair behind his ear, even if it entirely failed to clear his face of his hair, “Kokichi wanted to tell Kaito, regardless of problems with how much he knew, or whatever Maki and I made him think of Kaito, or anything else. It just got out of hand. Like Kokichi said, Maki and I found out only a little over a month ago, and if I might remind everyone, literally the last two weeks have, as Kokichi put it, ‘felt like months’. He wasn’t keeping secrets from Kaito on purpose, he just… got caught up. It was too difficult for any of us to keep track of, and unfortunately that led to all of us dropping the ball a few times. I agree with Kaito in that it’s not entirely Kokichi’s fault that happened, we all knew. But I don’t even think finding ‘fault’ is realistic here, I think it was all just honestly a collective accident.”

Kaito tensed, gritting his teeth. Maki sighed.

Kokichi gave Kaito a slightly agonized look but…who was he to say anything? Kaito could be mad at all of them. Kokichi was just glad he hadn’t actually thrown Maki into a wall. 

And while miscommunication was certainly an issue…

Kokichi covered his face after Shuuichi’s explanation, letting out another sigh. “It’s not just this past month, though! Ever since…early spring? I think? I did have a way to tell Kai-chan, even if it would be difficult to believe…but I didn’t even put a plan in place. I got too caught up in wanting to tell him myself, but that just wasn’t working out and I could tell it wasn’t, and I never made any other plans. I was just…fine with him not knowing incredibly important things, even when you pointed out that there needed to be someone watching my back!”

“I never made any effort to tell anyone… Just to poorly explain things after the fact and make it all worse…”

Dr. Mariah nodded along with all of this, “I see, I see… so. One incident. And, even with an extremely limited pool of things to explain, still four very different perspectives of the same reali–”

“No.” Kaito interrupted, “Maki and I have Kokichi and Shuichi outnumbered. We both agree it’s her fault.”

“We agree that you think it’s my fault.”

“Fine, then we both agree my version of reality is a version of reality, and that Maki apparently still can’t be bothered to offer a version of what she sees happening, because that would be willing to give away any personal information, which god forbid Maki Harukawa open up willingly–”

“You want to know my version of reality? Fine.” Maki said, frowning at Kaito, “Kokichi didn’t trust you with a big, emotional revelation because historically, you’ve reacted poorly to every big revelation he’s ever given you, and he responded appropriately to that. I didn’t train him into that, you did. And still continue to do so.”

“You told me during one of our dances that you and Shuichi told Kokichi that it was easier to let me live in a fantasy in my head–”

“I was trying to apologize, but of course all you can focus on is the extremely accurate observation–”

“Enough.” Dr. Mariah sighed, getting both of their attention as she took off her glasses, rubbing the bridge of her nose, “Oh dear… enough. Normally I’d like to let you two just get it out of your system, but I think that’s likely to lead to you derailing entirely. Please don’t make me fish lollipops out of this dress, it has too many pockets and I can’t remember where I’m keeping the candy right now. Just… give me a moment.”

There was silence for a moment, Dr. Mariah looking at the group quietly.

“...we’ve regressed.” She realized, looking a little disappointed. But then her face calmed into careful neutrality as she continued, “But that’s okay. I misjudged, I thought we had more time, but regression is a part of the process. You all have been making real strides since I’ve started seeing you in observing problematic past behaviors and patterns, but in that progress we failed to properly address the source of these patterns, and before we could finish our analysis, new communication issues based on those source issues developed while we were still deconstructing what happened before.”

“...what?” Maki asked.

“I’m simply explaining what happened to bring us to this point again. It’s not unusual, in fact regressions and repeating habits that we’ve previously addressed are a part of the process. I just wanted to make certain you all are aware that this isn’t unusual. I can’t speak to the scale of the mistake, since I’m not aware of what it is,” Dr. Mariah admitted, “But I am saying you all should allow yourselves a little leniency and self-forgiveness that it’s gotten to this point again. Self-improvement and recovery is not a straight line. None of you are unusual to have fallen back into old habits again without noticing.”

“What you’re saying is that this is all stuff we’ve done before?” Shuichi asked.

“Oh, almost beat for beat.” Dr. Mariah said, “All four of you, in the face of a new stresser, fell back into old habits and behaviors that were putting your relationship at risk back in our very first sessions. At least as far as I can tell from your behavior now and your descriptions of the event in question. In fact…”

Dr. Mariah looked around at them, “Let’s do an exercise. Without getting into specifics? Let’s go around to each of you and, first, discuss similarities from this summers version of you, and last summer's version, at the last ‘big event’.”

“I mean… the last ‘big event’ was… I mean, if we’re talking similar events, I think it’d be more accurate to say the memorial garden event in the fall, not what was happening last summer.” Kaito pointed out.

“Then we’ll compare that.” Dr. Mariah said, “Is everyone comfortable with that?”

Kokichi cringed as Kaito and Maki began arguing, looking between them with a worried, almost distressed look as Maki started prying into Kaito’s old coping (conditioning influenced) methods, but…he didn’t intervene. Hadn’t even started to when Dr. Mariah saw fit to do it. 

…was he? Until Kaito hadn’t, Kokichi had been confident Kaito would take it well. Initial surprise and maybe disbelief, sure, but…he had been sure…

(The more current Kaitos had defended him against the old one. Exclaiming he wasn’t a demon, that he was special and amazing and a superhero…)

…it did feel a lot like the Memorial Garden. Like everything was falling apart. Kokichi didn’t feel that icy fear that Kaito was going to divorce him, but…in its place was a hollow, decrepit understanding that…no matter what, Kaito wasn’t going to leave. Because he couldn’t, no matter how awful and painful it was. 

It was fitting that both times were all because Kokichi had broken that promise. 

Kokichi let go of a shaky breath. “...I wouldn’t say comfortable, but…I’m gonna do it…”

Casting a quick look around the group, seeing if anyone else was gunning to speak first, Kokichi sighed. “...I just…completely melted down both times. This time, after the initial stuff…I had one of my worst lows in a long time. I…still don’t think I’m totally out of it, but…I’m trying,” he grimly smiled.

“...that’s a difference in working on my own mental health. While I just…melted down, this time I was able to…not do anything stupid, and I called for help. Last time…” Kokichi trailed off, trying to more clearly think of similarities. “...I wasn’t keeping my own secret. It was something I knew would devastate Kai-chan…but I didn’t say anything until I was hysterical. I felt like I would be putting Maki-chan and…countless people in Luminary in danger if I told Kai-chan…”

Kokichi ducked his head in shame. “...I didn’t trust him. I had just…decided I knew how he’d react, and didn’t give him any benefit of being able to judge the situation for himself.” Kokichi swallowed thickly.

“This time…”

There were a lot of things Kokichi could say. So many he’d already said. But when he really boiled the issue down…there was something he hadn’t said at all. 

Kokichi looked to the side, frustrated feeling tears in his eyes already. 

“...I hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, until I could say it myself… I wanted it to…to be happy. And exciting. Not…terrifying, and ugly, and horrific, like I felt it was for months…” he forced out, voice soft but cracking. “But…then I kept not being able to say it…and it became more than just me. And Shuu-chan made that deal to find out…and Maki-chan went along with him…and…apparently my dad knew all along…”

Kokichi screwed up his face, realizing something. “...I agreed to it all, but…it felt like it was never my choice to tell anyone at all…”

Dr. Mariah nodded along, having intended to ask what they were doing differently this time around after they were done discussing similarities, but not wanting to ruin Kokichi’s flow as he brought up the differences himself. And at first, it was largely what she expected, but as he kept talking…

“Wait.” Dr. Mariah said, looking genuinely befuddled for a moment, taken off guard, “I apologize, but to clarify… was the secret kept from Kaito ‘good’ news?”

“...” The three Luminaries all glanced at each other, then Kokichi… and Kaito rubbed the back of his neck when Shuichi and Maki looked to him for that, saying, “I mean… it’s not inherently bad news. It’s just important… and, wait, wait.”

Kaito looked to Kokichi, concerned, “You didn’t want to tell Shuichi and Maki? Wait, I mean… I know you all said Shuichi manipulated it out of you, but… I don’t know, I was imagining him kinda ‘needling’ it out of you until you agreed to tell him… Shuichi?”

Shuichi frowned, “...uh… I don’t… know? I don’t actually remember the conversation…”

Dr. Mariah frowned at that. “You don’t remember?”

“It’s… sort of complicated… I made a deal with Kokichi and a friend that I swore them to honor, but I kind of only know that because that’s what the friend told me. I don’t remember the actual conversation we had.”

“Oh, fuck, this is confusing.” Kaito muttered.

“I only found out because Shuichi was scared while Kokichi was having a breakdown and he needed backup.” Maki said, shrugging, “Kokichi didn’t even know Shuichi and I knew for ages. In a lot of ways he’s right, he didn’t have a say in it… sort of. It could be argued it all happened behind Kokichi’s back as much as it did Kaito’s. And if we weren’t arguing that, it could be argued Kaito knew all along, because Kokichi, again, sort of, has told him a couple of times already.”

“He has?!”

“Stop.” Dr. Mariah said, now looking genuinely annoyed. “Stop. I was willing to indulge this before, but this went from ‘not wanting to tell the therapist’ to ‘all of you not even being aware who knows what’ ludicrously quickly. This is incredibly foolish, I cannot allow it to proceed like this.”

Shuichi sighed, “I know it sounds stupid, but the fact still remains that for security reasons there’s things we can’t tell you–”

“New exercise.” Dr. Mariah said stiffly. “Everyone bow your heads and close your eyes. And I mean completely close them, no peeking, cover your eyes with one of your hands if it helps.”

He had wanted it to be good news. Kaito made him feel like it could be good news. Every time the people around him called what he could do a gift, and shared wonderful experiences with him, it…it felt like his Empathy was something special. Something that would make people smile and bounce on their feet in excitement. 

Instead…again and again, he kept making people panic and rage. 

…maybe it was just him. 

Maybe things just couldn’t be good if it was about him, because he messed up everything he touched. Maybe if another Empath had been as strong as him, they’d already be in the process of massively undoing people’s conditioning, not having to worry about a failing body and a new baby (that, while Kokichi loved Miyako more than anything, had been another of his mistakes) and…the ethics that made the process slow. Maybe Kokichi wouldn’t agree with it as much, but…maybe more people would be helped by now too. Not having to fight their brains along with the leftover prejudices of society. 

Kokichi wilted more as the most Kaito could say was that it wasn’t bad, and as things just became more and more confusing… He flinched as Dr. Mariah called for them to stop, and he chewed his lip anxiously. …there was really no way to make this better, no help for them to get…

Curling into himself, Kokichi bowed his head and closed his eyes tight, trying not to let of the tears fall.

The three luminaries, also frustrated, all bowed their heads and closed their eyes too. Kaito was the only one to cover one of his eyes with his hands, knowing he had a habit of looking around nervously sometimes and not wanting to open them by accident while doing so. Shuichi lowered his cap. 

Dr. Mariah looked sternly at all of them. Okay… how to word this to get the information she needed, see who knew what, without putting anyone at risk…

“As your therapist, I have a duty not to share things you all tell me in confidence.” Dr. Mariah said, “So anything anyone tells me, or implies to me, within this next exercise? Will not be shared, not even among this group. Not unless every single person in this group already knows it, or agrees. Understand?”

“Yeah…” Kaito answered, while Maki and Shuichi just nodded.

“...” how to do this…

The problem was, Dr. Mariah didn’t know if the incident had anything to do with what she knew or suspected about this group… but by this point, the idea that it didn’t was significantly less likely then if it was. Shuichi and Maki had known something about Kokichi that Kokichi didn’t? She had literally suspected that was the case in the last session. They had asked about mind-reading, and how to handle that in a group dynamic. Kaito had thought they were kidding, but so had Kokichi. Kokichi had been showing signs of empathetic abilities. Low level signs, but they were there. 

Also a god had asked her to make certain they worked out their issues, so, like… if it was a ‘big secret’ that they couldn’t tell her but had upended their lives?

“Raise your hand.” Dr. Mariah said, “If you know an alternative meaning to the word ‘empathetic’.”

Maki’s eyebrows furrowed, but she tasted like concern, not confusion. Kaito hesitated, before raising his free hand. Shuichi just straight up opened his eyes and looked at Dr. Mariah.

And Kokichi…

To the others, Kokichi minutely stiffened, before relaxing. A little too much. 

He wasn’t going to pry much--though any plan was significantly shot by just how fucking alarmed he was. He just…he just needed to know her intent. 

It wasn’t so much of a long-shot that Dr. Mariah would know what Empathy was. Whether she was involved with magic or not. Kokichi had to assume that there was some sort of majority of humans in Dicea, otherwise everything would be a far less guarded secret, but…he’d done some thinking. And factoring in all the different sorts of magic folk, not to mention people with abilities, and the fact that they all likely had some sort of community around them…there were likely many, many people who knew about magic around him at any given time. 

But it wasn’t just the issue of her knowing about magic. 

The Luminary Empaths were free. But it wasn’t just the program that had Alter Ego telling him about people that would capture or condemn Empaths. And if Dr. Mariah was guessing? He needed to make sure. 

This was something he could do to protect his family. 

Focusing in on the woman in front of him, Kokichi reached out, trying to feel her intent. 

There was hunger.

In the old days, that hunger was what defined her people. The hunger was a curse, in the most literal sense of the word, the burden of old, foul gods who in the madness of time and power had found a rational for taking some of their chosen and changing them. Filling them with hunger. 

Sometimes it was a punishment. The old gods branding the worst of their chosen to a terrible fate, and then binding them to themselves to ‘earn’ their way to forgiveness.

Sometimes it was a reward. Because feeding the hunger brought power, and longevity, and a willing, viscous need to use those things. 

Ava couldn’t remember what hers was supposed to be. A punishment or reward. Time had taken the memory from her. But she knew from looking at herself in the mirror that either way, she had been too young for what had happened to her. So she hoped ‘her’ god was rotting in the cage they had put him in.

But time had given demons and angels and succubi and incubi ways to manage the hunger. To temper and control and safely satiate it. So when Dr. Mariah felt something poke inside of her, grazing the hunger, she only stiffened in alarm for a moment, her whole body suddenly, viciously reminded of its existence… but she sighed in relief as her bond with her receptionist eased the ache back to a reasonable level again. And she closed her eyes…

Demons weren’t empaths. She couldn’t see into her own mind like they could, and she could not send intent. But she knew enough to know what Kokichi was likely grazing against, and she thought, clearly, so that he’d pick up on it. 

If you felt that? Which I’m sure you did. Please do not be alarmed, it is under control… but also know.

That is a secret that is dear to me.

Please treat me well.

…

Perhaps it was unfair. Kokichi thought that, objectively, it was very impressive. But after staring down a dragon awakened from slumber after who knew how long…

This wasn’t the kind of hunger that devoured minds, complete essences with no recourse to even make it less painful, short of taking yourself out first. This was a ravenous, twisting, prideful hunger…but just that. Not something that meant harm. 

Not something looking to make a snack out of him. 

Well, other than harmless nibbles he wouldn’t miss. 

Kokichi couldn’t quite understand the form, but he let a gentle, warm understanding pass through. 

{You’re keeping my secret, so I will return the same courtesy. You’re only looking to help my family, and their protection is all I’m ensuring. I’m sorry for touching something so personal, but I will entrust my safety to you as well.

Thank you for helping us :o)}

After a moment, Kokichi took a deep breath and sat up from where he had slumped, holding onto the opening of the egg for a moment as he regained his balance, blinking a few times in disorientation, though he kept his gaze down, to preserve privacy.

“...we can keep doing the exercise, but…everyone here knows I’m an Empath.”

Dr. Mariah smirked slightly at the little goofy feeling that swept through her mind. Cute. 

“Oh, okay… fuck, I was worried I was just reading too much into it for a second.” Kaito admitted, his own shoulders lowering slightly in relief, hand still over his eyes, “...wait, Dr. Mariah, are you an empath!?”

“No.” Dr. Mariah said, before looking to Shuichi, “Indulge me for a little longer?”

Shuichi huffed a bit at that, before closing his eyes and lowering his hat again.

“So, Kokichi is an empath. Very good. Let me just clear up a few more things.” Dr. Marah said, “Raise your hand: Who here still feels uncomfortable discussing the incident in detail, knowing I am aware of empaths. Essentially, who feels there's more to keep private?”

Maki raised her hand. Shuichi kept his down. Kaito was about to raise his hand and then, again, hesitated, tasting confused. Clearly uncertain if there were more secrets he was meant to be keeping.

…if Dr. Mariah could keep his secret, then they could talk about Miyako securely too. Even alluding to their being something about their daughter would push her towards the natural conclusion of Miyako being an Empath too, but…the Flora bit… Even asking what Dr. Mariah felt about other magic folk felt too leading…

…she wouldn’t tell anyone, and wouldn’t cause them harm. And they desperately needed help from someone qualified. 

While his hesitation was obvious, Kokichi kept his hand down. Trusting that they would be able to talk about their daughter and niece safely. 

…oh shit, Temp.

Kokichi quickly raised his hand.

Hm.

Even commenting on who raised their hand and who didn’t could put some members of the group in an uncomfortable position of admitting to the others that there might be things they still want to keep to themselves. She couldn’t assume it was just her they were trying to keep secrets from. And she couldn’t assume the keeping of those secrets weren’t unnecessary. Secrets were bad for communication, but they did sometimes make up for that in keeping someone or something safe. 

“...raise your hand.” Dr. Mariah said, “If we only talked about the empath related things with the incident in question, would that mean we would not talk about something you, individually, want my help with. Don’t answer for anyone else, only raise your hand if you want to talk about it, and it’s not empath related.”

Shuichi and Maki kept their hands down. Kaito, after a moment, raised his, a frown stressed his face below his hand.

…were most things about him tied up with Empath things because he was an Empath? Kokichi could definitely see cases for a ‘no’, but now… He raised his hand, unsure. His shitty trust issues and poor decision-making were certainly involved with his business being an Empath, but…they weren’t Empath things. And…to him, they were a little more important to address than the fact he could feel others’ emotions. 

Dr. Mariah considered the four, half with their hands raised, half without…

“...alright, you may all drop your hands and open your eyes.” Dr. Mariah said, “Look, what this ultimately boils down to is this: Unless you’re actively about to hurt someone? I am bound to keep your secrets. If, as a group, you are hiding something specifically from me. Then, knowing what I already know? You all have to make the decision, both collectively and individually, what you feel comfortable telling me. I can only assure you that, like in all things discussed here, that those confessions don’t leave this roof.”

“I can also say,” Dr. Mariah said, standing up from her seat and brushing off her dress, “If the fear is that someone or something will pry that information from me? Without my knowledge or consent? I am better equipped than likely most, if not all, of the people you’ve ever met in safeguarding such things. I have my own private things that, for the wellbeing of our relationship as therapist/patients, I don’t feel comfortable sharing. I can only offer you that assurance, and it’s up to you to choose how seriously you take that assurance.”

“That said? I’m going downstairs to get tea.” She said, “I’ll be back in ten minutes. Figure out among yourselves what you want to talk about before I return.”

Dr. Mariah headed to the stairway door and disappeared inside.

“...does EVERYONE already know about empaths!?” Kaito asked, looking bewildered, “What kind of secret is this, everyone knows.”

“Ikou and Dr. Mariah are two people.” Maki pointed out dryly, “That’s not much of a pattern.”

It was…honestly immensely relieving to have the opportunity to talk more in-depth about what had happened. To have someone able to mediate the line in having an Empath partner. But…there were parts of the story that weren’t theirs to tell. And Kokichi felt like they could get to their problems without giving those people away. 

And while Kokichi hadn’t felt much resistance feeling Dr. Mariah…he also hadn’t tried to pry. She was no dragon, but that twisting hunger…it gave him the confidence to feel that she could protect herself and their secrets. 

This was going a lot better than he’d expected. 

Sighing softly, Kokichi rubbed his temple a bit. “...I’m not sure how she knew about me. Or if she only knew that one of us was an Empath… But…she’s telling the truth. She knows about magic, and she’ll keep everything we say locked up tight. I…”

Kokichi’s expression faltered slightly. “...I want to be able to talk about Miyako. …it’s important for being able to sort all this out, as much as I’d like to keep quiet about her.” Kokichi glanced over at Kaito with an apologetic look. “...you’re right it’s fucked up we kept the truth about our daughter’s species and abilities from you, even if you were already equipped with how to care for her. You should’ve been in the know. And…I think that’s important to talk about, when we’re getting through all this.”

“...but I want to ask you guys not to mention Temp by name,” Kokichi frowned. “We can keep calling him a mutual friend for his parts in this, but…he consented, to you guys knowing. Not Dr. Mariah. He’s my friend, and someone I owe a lot to…I don’t want to betray his trust.”

“Addason too.” Kaito frowned, rubbing his arm uncomfortably, “I mean… I feel gross, to suggest that Miyako we can put at risk but not Addason, but… we also don’t watch over Addason every hour of every day, like we do Miyako. If there’s any consequence to giving away a Flora to Dr. Mariah, we can’t throw Temp and Addason in front of that carriage.”

“And, yeah… I personally can’t talk about everything that happened and not talk about Miyako.” Kaito said quietly, “Honestly, from my feelings on it? That’s the part of this that bothers me the most. Kokichi, you had your own secrets, I understand that, but… keeping secrets about Miyako from me?” Kaito looked down at the ground, frowning. “I can’t just let that go. Fuck, guys… even, like, hyperbole-wise, I can’t fucking think of a worse example of ‘things it’d upset me that you kept from me’. Like, the only example I can think of would be, like… fuck, I don’t know, that Miyako had a twin that I somehow had a seizure and missed being born and you all decided to hide the existence of the twin by taking advantage of that fact that I had a damn seizure when it happened. And no one told me about the seizure either.”

“That’s a… really specific worst example.” Shuichi grimly replied.

“I’ve had some really fucked up nightmares in the last few days.” Kaito grumbled tiredly. “You guys made the baby go work at a restaurant. He had a little baby uniform.”

“... this is maybe the worst time to bring this up.” Maki said, “But I may still have an important Miyako-based secret Kaito doesn’t know.”

“Oh! Right! Maki, are you a dragon?”

“Oh, good, you know.” Maki shrugged, relaxing back into the egg, “Though the technically correct answer is ‘no’. So, that said, if anyone’s feeling traumatized by that, I give permission to talk about that to Dr. Mariah too. Anyone else have anything they’re cool bringing up to her?”

As far as Kokichi was concerned, for this story, Addason wasn’t involved in the slightest. He was a kid that they had planned to take in if adoption plans didn’t go through, but he ended up being adopted by a friend. No need to go into Flora-talk, or even specify that it was Temp who adopted him--that wasn’t the story they were going to tell. Even if there now were nuances of how Temp vied to adopt because he would know and be understanding of Addason’s life as a Flora living in a (probably) mostly human society, and that Temp asked Kaito and Kokichi to be godparents because they were also raising a Flora daughter…and that he and Kokichi were friends. 

So…yeah. They didn’t have to talk about Addason. 

…Miyako was more involved. 

Kokichi ducked his head in shame again. …the honest answer was that he hadn’t really thought it was important. Kaito was the one who got all the baby Flora information before Kokichi had known anything, and…she was just going to be their kid. Just a normal kid. 

…he didn’t want her to feel different. Alone. Being the one to stand on the sidelines, watching other kids play and…for no one to come up to her. Because she was different. Broken. Contagious… Sitting in a corner with working adults, watching other kids just…get to be normal. 

…it seemed he had his own trauma all ready to project too. 

Kokichi didn’t really think Maki would be that mad that Kaito knew about the dragon thing, and she simply proved him right. But as for anything else…

Kokichi fussed with his fingers and sighed. “...Kai-chan…there’s still a lot I haven’t told you. It’s…a lot. And complicated. And while none of those things are what happened the past few days…it might come up, trying to explain things. So…I’d like a chance to be able to explain myself. And…”

Kokichi looked up warily. “...would you guys be okay talking about conditioning?”

“Oh.” Shuichi said, eyes widening slightly, “Right.”

“It’s not bad news, Kaito.” Maki said quickly, watching the gloom settle over his face and trying to get ahead of it, “And it wasn’t a secret either–”

“From each other.” Shuichi quickly cut in, frowning, “And… if Kokichi is confident, we can talk about it with Dr. Mariah too. But we all can’t forget the biggest reason Kokchi was keeping his empath stuff so tightly locked up in the first place.”

“...” Kaito frowned, “...which is…?”

At this, Shuichi looked startled. Glancing at Kokichi uncertainly, while Maki suddenly groaned into her hands. “It’s been days… you guys have been fighting for days… Kokichi, you still haven't told him why you were keeping it a secret?”

Kokichi shrank down more. “...it’s a lot… I made Shuu-chan panic the first time I tried to explain everything, and I didn’t even get to the half of it… And…since we were already fighting…I didn’t…I didn’t want to make everything worse…”

Kokichi let out a sigh, running his hands down his face. “...Shuu-chan explained the most of it, really… There are people out there who would either want to use Empaths for their own purposes, regardless of that person’s safety, or…would just not want people like Empaths in the world at all.”

“...but I said that right now is one of the safest times to be an Empath,” Kokichi took a breath. “...and that’s because the Indentured Program was dismantled.”

“...conditioning was more than…the physical stuff. And mental games ‘n…yeah. It was breaking down a person so…even a weaker Empath could come in and fundamentally rearrange that person. And…the program got enough Empaths to keep it going as much as it was because…”

“...they would kidnap Empaths,” Kokichi muttered. “...and Empaths can feel each other, if you’re not being careful. So…if…if there was anyone trying to figure out a way to undo that part of conditioning…the Empaths working for the program would find out. And that person would disappear.”

“...what?” Katio asked softly.

“Kokichi was trying, and is still trying, to help indentured changed by empaths.” Maki sighed, “And if word gets out that he’s managing to do it, he’ll be targeted. And all of us, but especially you… actually, I’ll just say it. You, Kaito, up until recently had someone regularly rooting around your head for information. Until Kokichi understood what was happening, and could adequately protect you? You were not a safe person to tell.”

“There.” Maki muttered, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms, “I don’t understand why it’s so hard for you all to just say things plainly. You all should have talked about that the first day when I left you to work it out. Honestly.”

As Kaito just stared at Maki, slack-jawed, Shuichi looking uncomfortably between the three of them, Dr. Mariah came up with tea. 

“I’ve brought everyone a cup. It’s white tea. Have we all discussed what we’re ready to talk about?”

“...” Kaito opened his mouth and closed it again.

“I think maybe we have something sort of immediately to talk about.” Shuichi said softly, accepting his tea.

Kokichi groaned softly, face in his hands again. It…wasn’t exactly that simple. And it wasn’t the looming threat of Tengan that kept his mouth shut. Kokichi had just been afraid of…everyone. Anyone finding out what he was doing. Until he’d heard Hiro let his mom know of his ability? Until he learned of other Empaths telling their close family members?

…he had just assumed that he would never tell anyone. For their safety and his. 

Now…just everyone around him was being clued it, it seemed. 

“There’s so much,” Kokichi softly stressed. 

But as Dr. Mariah came back he sighed, looking back up. “...you know, how I talked about Saint Madison, and it sounded like I was talking nonsense? She…she’s a mental defense in your head. She’s there to make sure that no one is able to come in and root around your head anymore.”

“...as it turns out,” Kokichi chewed his lip, “...we made her so strong that she’s managing to undo your conditioning too. And…um. By we…I mean you and me.”

Kaito’s brow furrowed, crossing his legs and resting his elbows against them, holding his head in his hand as he pressed his fist into his cheek, looking just sort of … concerned and bewildered.

“...huh??”

“It sounds like you all tripped into something while you were discussing what to tell me.” Dr. Mariah said, giving Kokichi his tea and leaving Katio’s tea on the little round table next to his seat, “And we’ll get into all of it. I think it’s quite possible that this session might run a little long, considering the snippets I’m getting, so I went to check my calendar. We can run long today, if we need too, and my receptionist can clear my schedule for longer than that, if we need too…”

“And I say this because all of this? What I’m picking up?” Dr. Mariah sipped her tea, “...this is what I would call a ‘crisis’. Honestly, I wish you all had come to me before now, rather than waiting for our next session. This isn’t likely something you should all stew in until each new near two hour therapy session every couple of days. This is… urgent.” A relationship-killer wasn’t what Dr. Mariah was going to say, but what she knew this level of urgency likely was. But she didn’t want to alarm them unduly, and the fact that it had survived a few days was both promising as it was actually a little worrisome. “This might be something we want to put concentrated time and effort into.”

“If it runs long, is Miyako and Tim accounted for?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Is there any work or errands that cannot be delayed today? Because my recommendation is serious. This may run long.”

Kokichi gratefully accepted the tea, immediately going in for a sip so he could avert his eyes. As scary as it had been…making Saint Madison was a moment Kokichi was incredibly proud of. 

…but now…all he felt like was that Kaito was just…going to hate him more. 

A crisis might be putting it lightly. Honestly, if it weren’t for the fact Kokichi figured they wouldn’t be able to tell Dr. Mariah, and that he’d still been quite weak, they probably would’ve asked for an earlier emergency session. 

Putting his tea down, Kokichi looked at the others. “...my dad did say to take our time. I’ve told him we sometimes run long so…he’ll be able to stay with Miya. …Maki-chan? Kai-chan? Did you have anything planned with Tim later?”

“Haneda was taking Timothy out today to an arcade, the one Hajime took him too during the heatwave. So he’s accounted for most of the day. It’s not like we’re looking at this going into the evening…” Maki watched Dr. Mariah’s face. “...if it runs into the late afternoon, we can send a message to the castle letting him and Ikou know we’re running late. It shouldn’t be an issue.”

“Today’s going to be weird.” Kaito muttered.

“Today’s going to be necessary.” Dr. Mariah said.

“My brain’s gonna fuckin’ bust today…” Kokichi sighed, closing his eyes as he took another sip of tea. 

Maki and Shuichi just glanced at each other. Mentally preparing. 

“Alright…” Dr. Mariah sipped a little bit of tea. “It sounds like there’s quite a bit to get through. And with no clear idea of where to start, if there’s any topic anyone wants to volunteer? Something that’s on their mind?”

Silence followed. 

“...I understand it’s all quite a bit. And maybe because there’s so much, it’s hard to know what’s important, or what you want to focus on. If you even want to focus on anything, I can understand a reluctance to start at all. Kokichi already looks exhausted, Katio looks like he’s barely aware that he’s sitting here with us–”

“‘M here, ‘m here.” Kaito muttered, looking a little dazed still.

“-- Shuichi looks wary, Maki seems–”

“Do you know anything about ‘dragons’, Dr. Mariah?” Maki asked, kicking her foot against the floor, slightly rocking her egg chair.

Dr. Mariah’s brows furrowed slightly, looking a little genuinely bewildered, “...um, most of what I know is common knowledge mythology. Fully grown dragons were some of the largest creatures on the planet, once upon a time, though a dragon living to their full growth was, perhaps thankfully, rare.”

Maki’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Thankfully?”

Dr. Mariah nodded slightly, “If we’re speaking of dragons as a reality? And you’re not simply indulging in fictional philosophy with me. Dragons, in comparison to almost any other species, were disproportionally powerful. They lived long, they were incredibly intelligent, they were magically imbued, and they were big enough and strong enough that a dragon could change the landscape of an area, forever. They were quite literally a force of nature, they answered to no gods–”

Kaito’s vision focused.

“--and they are all now gone. They were too dangerous, and the balance of the universe corrected itself to be rid of them.” 

“...do you hate dragons?” Maki asked.

“No? As I said, that’s simply the mythology around them. Dragons were incredible creatures. And they are extinct now.” Dr. Mariah said, “May I ask why?”

“...” Maki reconsidered… before she sighed, “Some old dead dragon is trying to compete with me for my body. And I’m sort of struggling to get my head around it. I’ve been warned, apparently, that I’ll be erased if I don’t maintain my concept of ‘myself’. Which apparently, some version of me was entirely confident I’d manage. But… I don’t know what she knew. She knew something, I don’t bullshit that sort of confidence. But I don’t know why she was confident.”

Dr. Mariah blinked back at Maki. 

Maki stared at her… before shifting slightly uncomfortably in her chair, “I know this might not be a ‘group’ discussion thing. But you’re a therapist and you know magic stuff, and this is… deeply important to me. My very concept is at risk. It’s an unnerving thought. I could use some help… so, I’m very much hoping you’re not going to hold the ‘dragon’ thing against me. Can you help me?”

“...” Dr. Mariah put her hands together, resting her chin against the points of her index, “...of course. Or, at least I am entirely willing to try. But, not only is it not a ‘group’ subject, I wouldn’t dare suggest this was a ‘one and done’ discussion, not when so much is at risk for you. We’re going to schedule one on one sessions, Maki. We will get you through this.”

Maki nodded slightly, letting out the smallest breath… before looking slightly amused. “Really? No doubt whatsoever? I just told you I’m the reincarnation of a dragon, and you have no follow up questions?”

“I have plenty. Mostly concerns of how that might distress you. But as I said before, I have my own things, and I am better prepared for problems like these than almost anyone you’ve ever met. If anyone can help you with issues like these? It’s me.” Dr. Mariah squared her shoulders, looking stern and determined,  “I can.”

Kokichi looked over in slight surprise as Maki mentioned dragons. Even if they did get to that part in the story…honestly, he had expected her to hold out saying anything until it was necessary. But sometimes he really did underestimate Maki. She had a personality she wouldn’t compromise on and a way of doing things…but she was adaptable. And willing to explore other ways of approaching issues once she saw they were a problem. 

Dr. Mariah’s explanation was…pretty much what Alter Ego and Temp had told him. Things he hadn’t talked much to Maki about because…well. He had no idea how much of the lore around dragons was real. He’d heard that dragons were too powerful to exist, had felt that overwhelming presence that struck him to his bones that he was prey, but…Maki was his friend. And she wasn’t quite a dragon, but…he was thankful every day that she existed. 

…and the story of the last dragon…she had just been trying to protect her home. The people she had claimed. That…didn’t sound to him like a being that didn’t deserve to be in the world. 

But they still were insanely powerful.

And Kokichi didn’t know how much that was weighing on Maki. Perhaps he did overestimate her sometimes too. 

Smiling slightly at Dr. Mariah promising her help, Kokichi timidly looked over at Maki. “...it won’t…just magically give you the same conviction. But, sometime, I can share the memory of the you that made the deal. Just…so you can consciously know exactly what went down.”

Glancing around the group, Kokichi nervously added, “A-actually… I mean, I can’t do it all at once, ‘cause that’s way too much information all at once, and it’ll be more than I can physically manage, yanno, safely, but…if there are any conversations I’ve had with your memories, I can share them with you guys now. So…if you want.”

Maki sighed, nodding, “I’ve been meaning to ask you. I’m just reserving putting too much hope into it being particularly useful. You saw my reaction, but you weren’t…” Maki’s eyes narrowed slightly, before amending, “Well, you were in my head, but somehow based on our other times doing that I don’t think you know exactly what I was thinking anyway. And I’m certain if I told you what I knew, you’d have told me by now.”

“I think I’d like all the memories you have with me,” Shuichi agreed, “If only because it’d make it easier for me when you reference those memories… and, since I don’t think any of us have explained to Dr. Mariah…”

“So, Kokichi was told he was an empath… something like six months ago? More?” Shuichi asked, glancing over at Kokichi, “And because he was told in his dreams, he could remember there. But there was a mental block he had that didn’t allow himself to remember when he was awake. So Sleeping Kokichi knew he was an empath, and Waking Kokichi wasn’t aware of anything. So, one day, Sleeping Kokichi came to visit me, but didn’t speak to… me me? He spoke to what I’ve heard him refer to as a ‘memory’ of me, which results in me me, uh, ‘surface’ me I think he called it, not remembering anything happened. And he did this, or, Sleeping Kokich did this with all of us a few times. So, up until a few days ago, Maki and I, when we were told in the real world what was happening, had memories of Kokichi visiting us that Waking Kokichi didn’t recall, and Sleeping Kokichi had memories of us that Maki and I didn’t recall, and…”

Shuichi shrugged, “Well, once he gives us our memories back, we’ll all be caught up.”

Dr. Mariah chuckled slightly, “Well, no one can ever accuse you all of being uninteresting… but that sounds terribly confusing.”

Kaito looked around at the group, “...so, uh… do I have a bunch of memories I don’t remember?”

Kokichi nodded. The Memory Maki had just seemed so…confident. That there was no way the dragon would take over, that this life was hers and no one else’s, and that no one, not even the dragon, would get to boss her around anymore. 

…and she had needed to win the war. 

…maybe Kokichi would ask to have a session with just him and Maki with Dr. Mariah when he gave those memories back. There was a part of him that…didn’t want to give that part. Maki was already struggling under the guilt of what she had threatened. To know that she had been the cause?

But it wasn’t fair to keep a person’s memories from them. It was a part of them. 

The ones he had with Shuuichi and Kaito were…a little less traumatizing, overall, he thought, but…

Kokichi blinked slowly as Shuuichi spelled the whole situation out, rubbing his head after a moment before sighing. “...yeah, you do. A person’s surface consciousness…it’s what you know you know. It’s you, right now, thinking about things, and the part of you that experiences dreams. If I talk to a surface consciousness, then you would remember that whole experience later, because…it’s like talking to you in person like this.”

“To, at first, avoid being found out, or freaking people out, or disturbing sleep or whatever they’d be doing, Empaths can draw out a ‘memory’. It’s…basically a real-time copy of you, but the surface doesn’t know about it. Or…” Kokichi’s face scrunched. “...or, you do, but…it’s subconscious. You might remember it like a dream, or…you might feel inclined to repeat conversations your memory had, because…you did that. So you’ll want to do it fully aware.”

“For a long time, I didn’t even know how to properly talk to a surface-level consciousness…but learning how to make a Memory is one of the first things I learned,” Kokichi looked to the ground. “...I can also make Memories without being in someone else’s head, but…they’re not quite a perfect copy, since they’d be drawn from my memories of who that person is. A-and, making a Memory in another person…they can have parts of my memory in them, so…they’d be you, but with my knowledge…if that makes sense…”

Kokichi glanced up for a moment. “...I’ve talked to you in dreams and as a Memory, Kai-chan. And…well…” Kokichi’s face grew unsure. “...and in one way that…I’m not really sure how to explain, and that’s unique to you. I…kinda did it by accident so…I really thought I’d told you everything that way, but…I mean, evidently not.”

“...” Kaito looked uncertainly at Kokichi, before sighing, “...man I have so many questions…”

“If I may?” Dr. Mariah said, crossing her ankles over each other and tilting her head slightly, glasses caught in the sunlight, “We’ve committed to a long day. We’ve committed because this is a crisis situation… but it doesn’t have to all be purely about the ‘crisis’ part of it. If I may guess, you’re not sure what you want to ask because you’re not sure what is most important or urgent?”

Kaito nodded, “Basically…”

“Well…” Dr. Mariah smiled, “What’s the least urgent question? What’s merely a curiosity to you, rather than a large topic? Let’s start small, and build.”

Kaito nodded at that, still looking a little uncertain… “I’m okay with that exercise, but I have to ask before we do that, um… sorry, Kokichi, but I don’t really understand what you just said.” Kaito admitted, looking to his husband, “You thought you had told me?”

It wasn’t like Kokichi had a cap, and beyond that he wasn’t going to explain anything. Kokichi wanted to explain everything, but…there was just so much. And so much that needed explaining to get to explaining the thing that people were asking about. And…his first time trying to cover everything had…gone really poorly. 

Even now…

Kokichi made a slightly distressed look before he shook his head. “I-I’m sorry, I worded that bad… I talked to Akane-chan months ago…” He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “...there were a few times I thought I’d told you guys, or just…given myself away. But when I remembered the other day…I wasn’t…yanno, spouting nonsense expecting you to understand, Kai-chan. I knew you didn’t… Every time I thought I’d told you, nothing was different in the morning so…I knew that you didn’t know.”

He closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m not trying to weasel out of having not told you. I didn’t. I just…wasn’t sure a few times.”

…Akane?

Kaito rubbed the back of his neck, no idea how to even question that. Was that a new ‘big thing’ or… maybe it was another golden cat, or…

(It’s the safety of a full moon in a dark woods, and the excitement of wind in your hair and dirt beneath your feet, knowing your family is nearby, knowing you can count on them and determined that they can count on you.)

“... okay.” Kaito nodded, giving Kokichi a tired but understanding look, “Bunch of weird memory stuff. I get you. Okay…”

“... okay! What’s low on the question tier. Loooooow on the question tier…” Kaito frowned, licking his canine teeth for a moment, trying to think, “...so, everyone’s visited me, I think. Shuichi, you gave me the impression everyone’s been in my head at some point. Right?”

Shuichi nodded, “Right.”

“Right… did it get sexy?” 

“Kaito!” Shuichi shouted, scandalized.

“I was waiting on that one.” Maki mused.

“What?” Kaito asked, looking curious, “My head is a sexy place. It must have gotten a little sexy. If it didn’t, are you guys certain it was my mind?”

Despite his cheeks flushing, Kokichi couldn’t help but laugh a little, before shaking his head as his smile faded. “...not that time… I brought Shuu-chan and Maki-chan to you once…and it’s something literally everyone’s forbidding me from doing ‘cause it was way too much.”

“...I was talking with them, and your defense called me,” Kokichi sighed, not…thrilled to get into this. He’d talk more about the fun times if he could. “You were having a nightmare…apparently a bad one in a long stretch, while you were also stressed out to all hell… So we…well, I’d call it, ‘fighting back’ against your nightmare, but there wasn’t any fighting. Spiritually fighting back, I guess. Letting you have a peaceful sleep.”

Looking a bit ashamed, Kokichi watched the fish bob to the surface of the pond. “...it’s not something I made a habit of, and not something Saint Madison really calls me for. That’s supposed to be for emergencies, like someone rooting around in your head, or…if she has an idea for how to be a better construct--b-basically a brain helper--for you, ‘cause…one of the ones she tried before was kinda…melting you. I told you before…she gets really pissed if I try to stop by without a really good reason. I’m not just…going on joyrides in your head.”

Kokichi blinked slowly. “...I was there for the tadpole kid dream, though.”

Kaito looked briefly surprised… before his face went red, “What… all of it?”

Though as Kaito reeled with tadpole dad!Kokichi having just been regular Kokichi in that outfit… looking sweet with the kids and then… Kaito flushed like a madman, none of that dream having been necessarily explicit, but it had still very much done things to Kaito, and he remembered vague flashes of it getting a little handsy (and weird, of course. At some point Kokichi had had a flower that Kaito had known within the dream logic was absolutely leading to sex, but Kokichi had to put certain oils on it first, and his husband kept getting distracted and Kaito had woken up just very urgently hoping Kokichi would put the damn oil on the flower already… dreams were weird.)...

Maki frowned, giving Kokichi a sudden, intense look, “She melted him?” Maki demanded, never one to ignore a potential source of danger as she said, “Kokichi, that sounds serious. I know your experiments are exactly that, but Shuichi has one of these things rattling around in his head too. How dangerous was this setback?”

Kokichi blinked before giving Kaito a half-alarmed, yet curious look, growing redder just because Kaito had turned that shade. “I don’t know! Probably not if you’re asking like that! We just sat in the pond together for a while and then the kids went to sleep!”

Of course it turned into a sex dream. Kaito had been obsessed with that dream…of course it was a sex dream. 

Rubbing an embarrassed hand down his face, Kokichi turned towards Maki as her outburst, but…unlike his shamed posture before, he met her head on. “It was serious,” he frowned. “That’s why we agreed she’s going to ask me before trying anything new like that again. We…”

With a sigh, some of that conviction drained out of him, but…he still wasn’t meek. This time, Kokichi just looked tired, like he sometimes did after a busy day at work, pushing himself to finish a new, important project. “Saint Madison and Griffin…they’re the first two defenses like this…ever. It was a fluke that we found out Saint Madison could fend off conditioning… But we haven’t decided to one and done.”

He sighed again. “...I know it’s not…real consent. But…at least with Shuu-chan, and we tried for Maki-chan, before the dragon stuff… We won’t try on anyone who says they don’t like the risks. Because…it is risky. Creating defenses like this…it’s an experiment. So…that’s mostly why I’ve gone to you guys so much--I’m checking on Saint Madison and Griffin. Making sure that they’re able to fight against your conditioning and that the solutions they come up with aren’t hurting you. But…we’re still learning.”

“...the real answer is, I don’t know how dangerous it can get. But…we’re staying vigilant, and keeping track of everything that happens,” Kokichi said, eyes returning to Maki. “The goal…is to learn how these defenses really work, and how to replicate them for different people--the method, I guess--so…Empaths all over the place can start helping people stop their conditioning. We haven’t told anyone out of our group…and…” 

Kokichi swept his gaze along the rooftop. “...me telling all of you now, too. So… Don’t tell anyone else, please. Even once we figure it out, we’re still going to have to find trustworthy Empaths to teach. Even with the biggest danger gone, we don’t know who or where someone would want to sabotage this.”

“...we just want to help people…”

“... okay, wait, so, Saint Madison isn’t like… the actual Saint Madison then?” Kaito asked, looking even more confused. “I mean, I thought it was weird that she might be, but also, like… you all keep calling her Saint Madison.”

“Is this the next question we want to ask?” Dr. Mariah asked, giving them all a stern look, “This isn’t just a recommendation for Kaito, by the way. It sounds like these last few days have been revelations for all of you, in various ways. You three might have most of your memories available to you, Kokichi, I can assume, you have all of them, but the way you’ve been talking to everyone… this is the first time you all can speak honestly and openly to each other. The flow of conversation isn’t one sided, there are new opportunities to be heard and to have things cleared up on all ends. From little things to big things. Kaito, is this a little thing?”

“I… fuck, man, how would I know? Is it, guys?” Kaito asked, looking to the others. “I’ve gathered it’s got something to do with my…”

Kaito’s eyes widened, focusing on Kokichi, “‘Kichi… wait, is Saint Madison dealing with the cotton feeling?”

Kokichi took a breath, preparing himself to delve into all of that, but Dr. Mariah interrupted. He…mostly had his memories back. He could remember all sorts of events, all going back to that dream following a cat going up a building. But…but it was almost a year’s worth of memories all coming back to him at once, more or less. It was a lot…and sometimes, lately, his head just felt…full and distracted and…his headaches from other stuff sure weren’t helping. 

But he had promised to explain. So he would the best he could.

As Kaito looked to him more urgently, Kokichi took a moment to think before nodding gently. “From how you’ve described it? I think so. In…”

“...everything in the mind is…literally physical. But…how I experience it when I “visit”, or how you would see it if I stabilized your surface consciousness…all that is entirely metaphorical…though if you’re awake, it can just be a reflection of what your seeing…anyway.”

Kokichi shook his head a little. “...for you? There were…all these damn ribbons,” Kokichi growled, glowering at the ground. “They’d shoot up out from nowhere and…constrict you. Choking you, or tying your arms and legs so you couldn’t move…making you panic.”

“But…Saint Madison has a sword,” Kokichi smirked, “And she just slices right through them. No matter how many times they spring up…they won’t touch you.”

Kokichi looked up at the group. “...the defenses don’t…change your behavior. But they do give you space to think, that conditioning didn’t allow before. So…yeah. I think that’s what’s been stopping the cotton feeling.”

“...” Kaito uncomfortably ran a hand over his neck, “... I don’t remember anything like ribbons…”

Shuichi gave Kaito a sympathetic look, before sighing. “Mine was apparently… a shadowy figure, in a library. He’d choke me if I wasn’t quick enough to answer a question. I don’t remember anyone like him either. I don’t know if the conditioning are one to one comparisons to things in real life that we don’t remember, or… honestly, it seems more likely based on everything we know that it probably says more about the…”

Shuichi gave Kokichi a somewhat regretful look, not wanting to paint them all in a bad light by saying so, “It says more about the empaths that trained us, I think, then it does us. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was lots of Indentured with the same shadow of a man in their head, abusing them for not being quick enough. It doesn’t have to represent something that physically happened to us.”

“... Shuichi and I have talked about this.” Maki suddenly said, “Kokichi, we know you could clear up those memories from our time in the warehouses… but we’ve decided not to know. Those aren’t memories we need, not with our conditioning already being worked on. I know that’s not what we were talking about, but…” Maki shrugged, “It was on my mind. And I’m meant to be ‘offering’ more without being needled in these sessions.”

Honestly, the request for help with the dragon thing had more than reassured Dr. Mariah that Maki was willing to ask for help when she could be convinced she needed it… it was the convincing part that would likely still be difficult in these sessions from now on, Maki needing to face extinction first before decided to finally do one on one sessions, but it was still an extremely good sign that she had recognized she needed it by that point.

Kokichi took no offense--he had the same thought. How people’s conditioning manifested… The mind was complicated, everyone’s being unique. If he had to bet on it, what ended up being the boogeyman in a given person’s mind was probably some combination of something metaphorical the Empath used, and something that made sense to that person specifically. After all, Saint Madison wouldn’t have been such a powerful defense in Shuuichi or Maki’s mind--what you believed in gave something power. 

But as for actually testing that theory…

Kokichi gave his friends a sad look. “I understand. As much as there is I want to share with you guys…I’m not going to take anything you haven’t offered. That’s not how I want to learn about you, and…I mean, I’d feel violated for someone to go look at my memories without talking to me. There are already a few things I’ve seen that I wish I hadn’t, but…I’ve never tried to delve.”

The only one he had was with Aiichi and…well, the memory had okayed it. Not quite the same, but Kokichi wasn’t losing sleep over that. 

Chewing his lip for a moment, Kokichi hesitated before looking at Shuuichi. “...Griffin told me once they were glad you didn’t remember what happened. If you really wanted to know…I wouldn’t hold that back from you, but…I’m kinda glad you don’t want to.” Some things were better left to the past. And…Kokichi didn’t exactly want to see one of his boyfriend’s biggest moments of trauma.

Kaito idly rubbed his knuckles. It wasn’t the usual pull and twist when he was nervous or frustrated, it was just a gentle, smooth rub. Kaito still trying to keep up with the conversation, but… feeling a little better as at least this particular part of it became gradually less confusing. Conditioning looked like physical things in peoples mind. Kokichi had… stumbled upon some sort of cure. Sure, when you took in the details, the mind magic and the memory stuff and ribbons and Saints and shadow men and whatever Griffon was supposed to be, it all became crazy again, but…

The basic stuff? Kokichi had found a way to ease conditioning, because he was smart and capable, and because he was good he had decided to pursue perfecting it, and because he loved them he hadn’t been able to resist trying it on his three Luminaries first.

That all made sense. It was the sort of thing Kaito would expect of his husband. His Kokichi was capable of amazing things, and was ready to help people with what he could do. Easy.

It was just… there was so much around it…

“...” Kaito wanted to thank his husband. He opened his mouth to do it. His husband deserved to be thanked. Kaito wanted to ask exactly how Saint Madison had happened. Why Kokchi said it was something they had done together. He wanted to know.

But what he said was, “Kokichi, you said Tengan had gotten a fate worse than death…” Kaito trailed off, a bunch of complicated emotions in that ‘not quite a question’, his mind not quite working linearly, just doing his best to express himself when things were somewhat clear enough to do so, “...I never went to a warehouse. I was never put into dark spaces or… I wasn’t treated like Maki and Shuichi were treated, when they were being conditioned. Whatever happened to them, didn’t happen to me. That’s why it’s always been easy to say I wasn’t conditioned. It takes so much to condition someone, you can’t just… sneak it.”

“...unless Tengan was an empath himself.” Kaito guessed, finally letting go of all the needling doubts and doubts and rejection that even now, Kaito had always harbored deep down. “Right? That’s what happened? He put ‘ribbons’ in me?”

And then, suddenly remembering what Maki said earlier, he asked, “He’s been visiting me?”

Kokichi sighed. He realized, after the fact, that it had probably been his resolve just before, declaring that his memories were a part of him, and he would never give them up. Not the horrible ones that made him sick and gave him nightmares…he would never choose to forget, because they made him who he was. 

But it was still infuriating that the first thing to tumble out of his mouth as he remembered was about that bastard.

…and for how much of a good thing it was that he was gone now…Kokichi knew how much it hurt Kaito to hear that he had been hurt. So…Kokichi took a breath. Another drink of tea. And started talking. 

“He was an Empath…I couldn’t tell you how powerful, but he was a very experienced one. So…he could likely get away with doing things that took much longer in the program for a less powerful Empath to do. I didn’t exactly set up an interview with him…but, yeah. He was the one conditioning you.”

“...and he didn’t leave it at that.” Kokichi scrunched his eyes closed before glaring at the ground, trying to even out his anger to not…end up yelling at Kaito. “...he created a tether with you. Basically…he’d be notified if anything happened with you--I don’t know exactly what parameters he had but…” Kokichi growled in the back of his throat. “...he…fucking… He fucking said that your mind was…like a second home to him.”

“...my Empath friends… Originally, it was just me and my mentor, but…we needed help from a stronger Empath,” Kokichi started, voice growing a little thick. “I’m strong, but…back then, especially, I couldn’t control anything. If I just showed up, Tengan could kick me out without lifting a finger. So…we got help. And…at first…it was pretty simple. I was the distraction, staying with you in a dream, and keeping Tengan’s eyes on us…”

“But then as he realized we were setting up defenses…” Kokichi shook his head, curling his fists in his lap. “...he tried to use you as a hostage. Said…all that awful stuff. So…”

Kokichi looked to the side. “...so I offered a blood sacrifice. Calling out a prayer to Atua and Saint Madison for protection…for your mind to be your own, and no one else ever allowed to do what they pleased in it. And…well. She responded.”

“...a person’s belief is the most powerful thing in their mind. And…well. Considering the gods…” Kokichi rubbed his face. “...you asked earlier… I don’t think it’s the real Saint Madison in your head, no. But…the formation of a defense stronger than anything…anyone has ever seen? I can’t say that a miracle didn’t happen there.”

At the ‘second home’ thing, Maki twirled her throwing dagger in her hand and said idly, “Ya know, it’s never too late to send me to find him.”

“Maki Harukawa, please put your weapons away during therapy. Don’t put me in a position where I have to ban them.” Dr. Mariah sighed.

“Actually, I think it is too late.” Shuichi told Maki quietly, giving Kokichi and Kaito a tired, sad look. The only thing that made Shuichi feel slightly better about the fact that Kokichi had faced all of that alone, was… well, that he hadn’t. His mentor and Temp had been there. But it still hurt Shuichi that Kokichi had been dealing with so much, and Shuichi hadn’t been able to help him… especially considering the problem was Kaito being in what honestly sounded like serious danger. The fact that it had been happening for likely years, if not longer, didn’t make that danger any less serious. It was a lot for a person to deal with.

Meanwhile, Kaito… Kaito looked a little ill. And a little lost. Conflicted by the awe of the story, and all the horrible revelations that came with telling it. Tengan had been in his head…

(An unclean feeling. A watched feeling. Knowing that someone, somewhere, was laughing. Judging. Disapproving.)

(Atua wouldn’t treat him so cruelly. Atua loved him. So why did Kaito sometimes feel so repulsed by the watched feeling?)

(Daydreams that sometimes seemed to force their way in. A paranoia that itched at him. His mothers voice, sometimes so clear.)

(Would he ever know how much of that was just him, and how much of that was an old man getting his kicks?)

“...I know we’re not exactly emotional, right now,” Kaito whispered, running his hand through his hair, “But… I really need ten minutes… I’m sorry. It’s just so much to think about. I’m sorry…”

“Take a walk, Kaito.” Dr. Mariah agreed, “Not every break needs to be one wrestled from tears. Everyone take ten minutes.”

It kind of was. As much as any sympathy Kokichi felt for Kazuo was muted, he still had some. He was still…kind of horrified by what Temp had done. But…he was right. A person like Tengan couldn’t stay in this world. It wasn’t simply a matter of power, like people decided for dragons--Tengan used whatever power he could to get more, and to use all of it any way he could to hurt others. If not for vengeance, then the threat of what he would do going forward was enough to do something.

But now…Kokichi didn’t want Kazuo dead. He just…didn’t want to talk to them. Didn’t want them contacting his family any more. Felt a bit bad at the guilt that would plague their entire existence that drove them to undo everything Tengan had done in life, but…that feeling didn’t spur Kokichi into any sort of action. Everything with Tengan was done. And Kokichi would much prefer Maki stay with them. 

Kokichi looked up at Kaito, feeling a swirl within him, and…yeah. It was a good time for a break. Kokichi had said it was a lot, but…it was different hearing it. 

Taking another big sip of tea, Kokichi leaned back into his egg, closing his eyes and throwing an arm over them for good measure. He was exhausted… He knew, even without all the hurt feelings, explaining everything would be a trial, but…

…he wasn’t looking forward to this being their next week. Or few weeks. Or…forever, even in lingering feelings. 

…he didn’t know if he could live with things being this way forever…

Kaito went to the other side of the roof, leaning against it and peering over. Watching the people go by. He half expected someone to follow him– usually Maki– but wasn’t surprised when no one did. Kaito was sure that he wasn’t the easiest person to talk to, right now.

…it was all just so much. So much.

He didn’t know how he felt about Tengan. Maybe he was glad? There was something to knowing. And Kokichi had taken care of it… taken care of him. Oh god, while Kaito was bitching about feeling fucking restless and wiping up nosebleeds, Kokichi was not only being an Ouma during the day, but was setting up conditioning cures at night! And fighting off creepy old men in his ungrateful husbands head! And doing blood sacrifices and summoning pseudo-saints!

It was all so much. And a part of Kaito was still… angry. But that anger was dwarfed by the sheer sense of how… out of his depth he was. What was happening with Kokichi was an entirely different level. Kaito could barely get his head around it.

… ribbons, huh…

After a few moments, Kaito wandered back. He overheard Shuichi, Maki and Dr. Mariah talking as he did, sitting back down as they discussed, “So, yeah, we were trying to kind of start figuring out how to navigate literal mind-reading in our group, and there’s kind of… no ‘none stupid’ way to bring that up.” Shuichi sighed, shrugging as Maki nodded along with him, “And that’s when you figured it out?”

“No, that’s what I worked out there was some odd circumstance where you all knew Kokichi could mind read and he didn’t. Kokichi’s been showing low-level signs of empathetic ability for quite some time, but actually having low levels of empathy isn’t all that dramatically uncommon. Empath powers aren’t rare, they’re just usually so weak that people don’t realize they have them.”

“... Kokichi?” Kaito asked, “You don’t suppose our resident ‘heart-reader’...?”

Kokichi had been listening idly to Dr. Mariah, Shuuichi, and Maki talk--he knew Dr. Mariah was a special case, but…really. He’d been found out that easily--but wasn’t really contributing, still prone in his egg. But when he heard Kaito’s voice nearer, he hummed. “It’s definitely a possibility. But even if I tried to find out for sure…I don’t know if that would actually be doing her a favor. She’s had the concept of the ‘codes in people’s hearts’...since I met her, really. It’s a major part of her world view. If she has Empathy, and it’s weak enough that she wouldn’t really be able to be a part of the community in the mindscape anyway… I think it might give her more peace of mind to just let her keep on the way she has.”

“...given,” he sighed, sitting back up, “I haven’t really thought about it, so that’s just my initial thoughts.”

Leaning his head against the opening of the egg, Kokichi closed his eyes again. “Apparently the community was aware of me for a long time before they decided to contact me. If your abilities are weak enough, I guess it’s just the consensus that you don’t need to be bothered with…all this,” he gestured vaguely.

He hoped that wasn’t too much to broach their break. Just…talking about anything seemed like it was too knotted and complicated to simply get into.

“Alright…” Kaito said, rubbing his arm a little. He didn’t like keeping something from Waku about her, but… well, he didn’t actually know if she was an Empath. And Waku was way more comfortable these days, as far as Kaito could see when he hung out with her, but… he knew Waku could, and likely would, have ‘bad’ days again. Days where she was hoarding knives and the enemies were closing in again. 

If he could spare her anything that would make the bad days worse, Kaito always would. Kaito cared about Waku a lot. 

Kaito cared about a lot of people a lot. 

…maybe the answer was he didn’t care enough. 

Hmmmm… it would not be the first time he came to that conclusion. Maybe the old answers were new again! He had known he wasn’t measuring up in the ‘good person’ department, but what had he really done to fix the problem? Whatever progress he had made, it clearly hadn’t been enough, because all the same problems had happened again! If everyone keeps treating you a certain way? Then you’re inviting it. Grooming it! Maybe Maki had a point.

Fuck Maki. 

“Can we bag on Maki for awhile?” Kaito asked, keenly looking forward to that idea.

“No/Sure.” Shuichi and Maki said respectively. 

“...” Dr. Mariah raised an eyebrow. There was a lot of confusing tastes coming from Kaito. Various sweets. Tasted like self-destructive attempts at positivity. She had no idea how that had led to wanting to rag on Maki, but while Kokichi was falling into a despondent, numb state, Kaito was ascending into a manic state. 

It was too early for that. As unhelpful as it would be to ‘bag’ on Maki for a while to make Kaito feel better, Maki’s current apparent emotional stability might be useful right now. So… “It’s come up a few times now. Maybe exploring Kaito and Maki’s relationship would be a good next step. Shuichi, Kokichi, are there any subjects you feel more immediately strongly about, or is this acceptable?”

He didn’t like this feeling coming off of Kaito but…what, was he just going to ask that his husband never feel anything negative at all? That was absurd, especially when Kokichi was the one who upset him. 

…and while he was the cause…Kokichi knew Kaito was mad at Shuuichi and Maki too. They had known as well, though not as long, and had similarly chosen not to tell him. And…Kokichi knew Kaito was mad at Maki for a lot of other stuff too. 

It still didn’t mean he liked seeing Kaito jump at any chance to blame Maki for everything, using her as an all-around scapegoat just to…not be mad at anyone else. It wasn’t fair to her…or them, really. 

Looking up, Kokichi looked between Maki and Kaito nervously before shrugging a little. “It’s fine with me…” …hopefully they could get to the stuff that was a long time coming.

“Let me just say, I vote against this.” Shuichi sighed, leaning back and readjusting the brim of his hat, “You’ve seen how they argue. It’s just going to escalate and escalate and–”

“We can’t just leave Kaito and Maki to only discuss their issues during aggressive, repetitive dance routines. I mean, we could, but I would be a terrible relationship therapist.” Dr. Mariah said, giving a wry little smile, “The goal was to always explore this dynamic in therapy, the dance homework was always meant to be just to help ease tension back at home. But there’s always been quite a bit we need to explore with you two.”

“I’m fine with that.” Maki said, still lightly pushing the tip of her toe against the egg, “What do you want to yell at me about, Kaito?”

“So much.” Kaito said, narrowing his eyes at her, “So damn much…”

The two stared at each other, egg chair to egg chair, Maki slightly rocking, Kaito practically hanging out of it as he rested on his elbows, glaring at her…

“... god, we are sat so far away from each other.” Kaito realized, now less ‘glaring’ and more ‘peering’, “Why are our chairs so far apart?”

“It’s the koi pond, you both just happened to be at the sides of the wider part.” Dr. Mariah pointed out, “This wasn’t originally a therapy session spot, if you’ll recall. The pond shape wasn’t chosen with effective spacing in mind.”

“Move closer?” Kaito asked.

“Sure.” Maki shrugged, crawling out of the egg seat, taking the cushion with her as Kaito left his too. 

Both of them sitting on their side of the koi pond, Maki sitting on her cushion and Kaito peering at the pond… “Can I put my feet in?” He asked.

“If you’re okay with koi fish nibbling testingly on your toes and legs,” Dr. Mariah shrugged, “They’ll be fine. Just wash your feet at some point today.”

“Yes.” Kaito cheered slightly, taking off his shoes.

Shuichi sighed, catching Kokichi’s eye and just raising an eyebrow. Bunch of weirdos, their Maki and Kaito.

Maybe it needed to escalate. Not to blows, but…maybe what the two of them needed was an all-out yell-fest. Hopefully the rest of them would be able to mediate enough that it wouldn’t get physical. 

Though…Kaito and Maki’s anger was such a physical thing, Kokichi had come to learn. And apparently that wasn’t simply relegated to needing to let off steam to truly calm down from anger. Apparently…they couldn’t properly talk things out across a large, yet still within normal speaking distance distance. It made sense for them, for how much Kokichi couldn’t wrap his head around the concept itself. 

It did seem like a good sign that Kaito wanted to put his feet in the pond. He wasn’t gearing up for anything drastic--he wouldn’t want to hurt the fish. 

Catching Shuuichi’s eyebrow raise, Kokichi simply shrugged a little, the nervous expression having not left his face. He watched the two by the pond for a moment before asking, “Comfy?”

“I’d be comfortable anywhere.” Maki said simply, crossing her legs over each other on the cushion. 

Kaito frowned, straightening his back as he said, “What, like I wouldn’t?”

“You’re the one who suggested the move.”

“To be near each other, not because I wasn’t comfortable.”

“Regardless, I was simply saying that it would be difficult to find a situation where I’d be physically uncomfortable. I’m well trained to sit still and be content in a wide variety of difficult terrain. I’ve slept in trees, in the cold, glass-covered trash–”

“Oh, the ‘glass-covered trash’ story.” Kaito huffed, rolling his eyes, “God, how many times have I heard that story.”

“You used to make me tell it at pubs, of course you’ve heard it too many times.”

“Well, it’s an interesting story! What, I’m not allowed to want to set you up to tell cool stories about yourself!?”

“Then don’t whine about it–”

“Okay, okay, come on, this can’t be helpful.” Shuichi sighed, looking to Dr. Mariah, “This isn’t what you were looking for, is it?”

“...” Dr. Mariah tilted her head slightly, tapping her journal, “Micro-conversations tend to be fairly revealing, actually. And I think there’s something here.”

“What? That they’re going fight over literally anything, right now?” Shuichi muttered.

“No… well, yes. But no.” Dr. Mariah said, looking between the two of them, both of thm glaring at each other. “Kaito, Maki, indulge me. You have a long history that I know very little about. Run me through it.”

“What…” Kaito frowned, looking confused, “Which bits? All of it?”

“As much as it makes sense to you two to explain.”

Dr. Mariah knew this wasn’t directly related to the crisis, but… well, it kind of was, if only because Kaito seemed perfectly content to try to ignore the actual sources of the crisis in favor on focusing on the old crisis. Which, honestly, they should have explored more before it became Kaito’s coping anger. Unfortunately, there was just a limited amount of time every session to talk about everything, and there was always something that was a little more urgent, so Dr. Mariah had kept leaving it on the backburner. 

Thankfully it was going to be a full day. They had time.

Kokichi’s lips turned down as, immediately, Kaito and Maki started snipping at each other, not having an actual argument so much as they were both finding fault with every little thing the other said--default mechanisms. But…maybe seeing how they became default would let them get to the root of something. 

Kaito and Maki had a lot of complicated history. He had a feeling Maki would call it simple, and say that this was just them overcomplicating things like they usually did, but…it really wasn’t. Maybe actions were, until recently, but the feelings had always been complex. 

And maybe this time they’d all be able to understand them a little better. 

Nodding softly, more to himself than anyone, Kokichi curled his legs into his egg, leaning forward towards Kaito and Maki, listening. 

“...”

“...”

“Well? What, you’re really not gonna offer anything?” Kaito asked, glaring at her, “She asked us both for the story.”

“You’re the storyteller.” Maki said, trying to tuck her hair behind her ear and her lips thinning slightly when the hair immediately escaped again. She loved this haircut, but damn did it get in her face a lot. “Tell a story. I’d love to see how you’ve twisted it in your head, since I’m such a ‘monster’ to you now.”

“Oh, god, Maki, it’s like you’re begging me to…” 

Kaito paused. Brow furrowing… before peering at Maki again. 

“You’re giving me too much credit.” Maki said softly, after a moment, “Stop trying to make this better than it is. It’s not.”

“...” Kaito peered at her suspiciously again… before sighing. Leaning back on his hands, feeling the koi brush against his legs as he said, “Maki and I met at ten.”

“I say that, but that’s not entirely accurate.” Kaito said, settling into ‘storytelling’ mode, “Maki was still nine, when I first met her, but by the time I asked her what her age was, she had turned ten by then. It’s one of those things that stick out in my mind because I was so… guilty about missing her birthday. And I was convinced I had literally ‘missed’ it.” Kato huffed, rolling his eyes, “Ten year old Kaito couldn’t grasp the idea that someone wouldn’t have a party for their birthday. So I assumed that Maki had had a birthday, and I also assumed I was invited and just missed it. Because ten year old Kaito couldn’t grasp the idea that Maki wouldn’t invite me to her ‘party’ even if she was having one.”

“I think I was on a mission when I turned ten?” Maki mused, “But not a real one. A training mission. I don’t remember much about it, but I think it was something ‘fun’. Mister Nekomaru tended to reward me and celebrate stuff with ‘fun’ training. I didn’t even realize my birthday had passed until Kaito got upset ‘missing’ my birthday.”

“I was upset! I felt terrible about it! You were the coolest person I had ever met, I wanted to impress you so much, and I had managed to miss your birthday! And you ignored all the stuff I was doing to try to make it up to you!”

“Kaito just started showing up, over and over… is this what you wanted us to talk about?” Maki asked, giving Dr. Mariah an exasperated look, “It really can go on for ages.”

“I asked, and I still think it’s helpful.” Dr. Mariah said simply, “And it’s just you telling the story as it makes sense to you. Be as thorough or brief as feels correct.”

“That story short? Kaito kept trying to get my attention with gifts and invitations to go out places, which I of course assumed was a setup for assassination attempts at first, and when I realized he was just an idiot who for some reason actually wanted to spend time with me, I tried to just ignore him. But then he changed tactics, trying to meet my family, spend time at the orphanage, help me out with things… eventually he became too good a resource to ignore. So I let him pretend we were friends. End of story.”

Kaito frowned, giving Maki a hurt look, “...that wasn’t how it went…”

“Wasn’t it?”

“...” Dr. Mariah sipped at her tea, “That story puts a fairly negative light on you, Maki. Which wouldn’t mean much, if Kaito had told it, beyond he was angry at you. But that was how you chose to tell the story.”

“So? That’s how it was.”

“Why go out of your way to paint yourself as some aloof jerk taking advantage of someone?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Where do you think that view point comes from, Maki?”

“Because that’s what I do.” Maki shrugged, “It was true when I was ten, it’s true now. I’m aloof, and I take advantage of people when they’re just trying to be my friend for my own advantages. I did that to Kaito over a decade ago. I did that to Kokichi a year ago…” Maki huffed a little laugh. “I did it to Kaede a few months ago.”

Kaito frowned, “No you didn’t… she did that to you.”

“We did it to each other. Cruelty is attracted to cruelty,” Maki said, looking tired and apathetic. “The second it was inconvenient to me? I dropped my loyalty to her like a hot potato and immediately switched to threatening her life to get my way. And I’ve barely thought of her since then, when at one point I was so… in love with her. Maybe she was using me, but I think that shows I was using her too. I’m someone who uses people. And if Kaito feels like my influence got Kokichi to trust him less? Then he’s right. That was exactly what I was doing, that was literally the goal. It’s not shocking that the effect didn’t wear off when it stopped being useful to me.”

Maki shrugged, “So, I’m the bad guy, and if Kaito wants to be angry at me for this situation? Then he’s right to be. It’s literally what I did.”

Kokichi frowned, but, at least at first, refrained from saying anything. Because…who was he to say it wasn’t right? He may be able to feel Maki’s emotions, but he wasn’t her, and how a person interpreted those emotions was half of the whole deal. 

But…the person he knew her to be… She could be aloof and utilitarian towards interactions with people, but…Maki cared. She cared so much she moved mountains for it. She was devoted and endlessly loyal to the people she loved, even if what that loyalty meant wasn’t something they quite understood as such. Maki’s relationship with Kaito wasn’t just a convenience…if it was, there would’ve been plenty of times she would’ve left. 

But while he disagreed, there was something that sparked something in the damp hollow in Kokichi’s chest, lighting his eyes ablaze as he sat up. “You are not like Kaede. If you had to threaten her to make sure she followed through on her promises, it’s ‘cause you’re thorough and she’s untrustworthy. You didn’t just fight a war for her to play pleasing politics and find a less overt way to enslave people. Because Kaede certainly didn’t decide to head the revolution out of sympathy for people in the program.”

“Your love for your siblings isn’t an endgoal,” Kokichi fumed. “It’s part of you. Maybe for them you do get manipulative, but it’s not like you’re a robot with no connections--you love so hard you’ll destroy yourself for others.”

“Yeah,” Shuichi agreed, giving Maki an exasperated look as he said, “Not to mention one of the reasons you turned on Kaede was to protect Kaito. Seriously, have you even told him about any of that yet?”

“It’s not a good time for that, Shuichi.” Maki growled, shooting him a genuinely pissed look, “Shut up.”

“Wait, wait, no. What does that mean?” Kaito frowned, giving Maki and Shuchi worried looks… before his expression darkened, “...if Kaede threatened to kill me and you didn’t tell me, I am going to be just as mad at you as I will be with her–”

“No.” Maki scoffed, rolling her eyes, clearly a little annoyed that this was where the conversation had gone but… “Look, I’m only saying this so you don’t get a bunch of stupid daydreams in your head of what ‘might’ have happened. I just… lost my nerve when it came to the execution of Byakuya, and overruled her when it came up. I knew it’d… make you whiney or whatever, so I didn’t feel like dealing with it…”

“...” Kaito’s eyes reddened, “...you argued for Byakuya?”

“Don’t, Kaito.” Maki sighed, looking frustrated, “I hurt you in plenty of other ways. So many ways. This is a fight we keep needing to have, and I’ve not been able to let us have it, and no one else will let us have it, and now that a long term result of the shitty things I’ve done to you has nearly blown up your relationship with Kokichi and Shuichi twice now, we’re not fucking burying it under one half-decent thing that should barely even count. You know who needs to be grateful that a friend didn’t murder someone you loved? No one. It’s a fucked up thing to ask of someone, and that’s not how I want this relationship to recover.”

“...but I am grateful.” Kaito murmured softly, eyes still red. 

“Which is another reason our relationship is terrible.” Maki murmured, “You shouldn’t have to be grateful. You should have been able to assume I’d choose you. We’ve been friends since I turned ten.”

With his piece said, the fire in Kokichi fizzled out, though while he was slumping back into position, he gave Shuuichi and Maki a wide-eyed look. 

…he remembered talking to Maki about what would happen to Byakuya. And while Kokichi had pointed out Kaito’s feelings in the equation, it, at the end, had been a decision Maki had made herself. 

But he hadn’t known she had been pushing against Kaede’s decision to make it happen.

And…she was right. It wasn’t something someone should be grateful for. Even having the idea of someone potentially killing a loved one shouldn’t even enter the equation for a good relationship. 

…but…it still was something big. For Maki to not only put Kaito’s feelings before her own, but to fight for them. It was something that came more naturally to some than others but…it was really hard to prioritize someone else over yourself. 

However, it still came down to the fact…that they all had dangerously low expectations for each other. And…probably shouldn’t have been friends at all.

“...what? No.” Kaito said, brow furrowing, “Fuck you, don’t do that.”

“Do what? Be honest with you?” Maki asked, “Cause in case you didn’t notice, I don’t do that enough with you, so maybe you shouldn’t discourage me.”

“No. Fuck you.” Kaito growled, glaring at her, “You do all this shitty stuff to me, and the one thing that’s made me feel better about how you treat me, you want me to dismiss as being worthless because it, what? Fucking interupts your self pity party!? How in the fuck do you think that’s fair to me!?”

“...I honestly don’t know how to answer that.” Maki said, narrowing her eyes at him, “Kaito, I’m not self-pitying–”

“Yes you are! I know you are, because I’ve done this exact same bullshit move to Kokichi, for the same shitty reason! Because I wasn’t done punishing myself, and him being nice and forgiving ruined that sweet, sweet self-pity flow! And it was shitty of me to do, and it’s shitty of you to do!” Kaito hesitated, looking around worriedly, “...god, have I said that before? I feel like I’ve said that before.”

“...you may have said that to me. I can’t remember the context.” Shuichi agreed, before giving Kaito a lazy thumbs up, “But keep going, you’re on a roll.”

“Okay, well, regardless… regardless! I know that shitty move, and it’s not fair to me! What, I’m not angry and bitter enough for you? I’m not hitting all your shitty little self-punishment benchmarks in a timely manner? You know when I was bitter and sad and angry over you going off to kill Byakuya? When you left to kill Byakuya! And then again when you came back, and I had to fucking put my feelings on a chokehold to deal with the fact that you were sick! And then you, like… were fragile! And needed my help! That’s when I was angry and broken hearted about what almost happened!”

“But now you want to talk about that, right when I got the first bit of, like, nice news about that whole event that I’ve gotten–”

“I didn’t even want to tell you, Shuichi—”

“I’M NOT DONE TALKING!” Kaito shouted, whole body tense, face red, fists clenched, “Shut up! Let me talk! Now I get the first bit of good news on that whole fucking shit show, and I want to feel happy about that, and you STILL want to manage me! Oh, it’s not time for Kaito to feel good about things, it’s time for him to be angry at the thing that he was reeling over months ago. And I know, I know, that screaming and freaking out goes against what I’m about to say, but fuck you again! Because I don’t need you to fucking try to regulate my emotions and micromanage me and… the thing that always pisses me off the most is usually the thing you idiots do trying to manage me!”

Kaito took a few shuddering breaths, sweat on his forehead, looking around at them like he was barely seeing them… before he stammered out, “I-I-I take things r-really well! When you guys just…. J-just tell me things. I’m not someone wh-who can’t handle bad news, I’m not. I’m not… I’m not. I’m not unreasonable… I’m not…”

“...am I?” Kaito asked, looking more lost as he calmed down, still trying to catch his breath, “God, guys, I can’t even tell anymore… fuck… I’m grateful y-you didn’t kill Byakuya… I’m grateful you protected him. I’m, fucking… grateful for all the shit I just found out Kokichi’s done for me! I can barely get my head around it, he’s apparently done… amazing things for me! Of course I’m grateful!”

“... I’m just struggling to… to, to…” Kaito groaned, running his hand over his face, “I’m getting all of this information, all at once. And I have all of these emotions. And trying to cope with all of them is… can’t you just let me? If I want to be happy about something, can’t you just let me be? Because I am still mad about the rest of it. I just want the good stuff too. And I don’t want to wait for when it’s best for you, when I decide to feel what. I’m coping, okay? I’m trying.”

Kokichi blinked, his eyes widening a little. They might be bad for each other, but…they had decided to stick around regardless. And it was enough of a conviction that Dr. Mariah was convinced too to support their relationship. 

It was…complicated, but very possible, and…for them, at least, very common to feel both positive and negative things about people. About specific things they had done. Nothing was black and white. And…sometimes, it was a lot harder to forgive yourself than it was for someone else to forgive you for wrongs done against them. But…insisting that you shouldn’t be forgiven just…made things more difficult. Gave that other person more emotional work, and if poorly done, trauma, on top of the original wrong. 

It was a shitty thing to do. 

It didn’t mean that the lessons you learned should just be forgotten once you were forgiven, but…there was a middle ground. And…it required being able to forgive yourself. 

Kokichi flinched minutely as Kaito yelled, slightly astonished at him calling them idiots--though not hurt, because it was true--and… 

Honestly, Kokichi didn’t know if Kaito could handle bad news. Because…they’d never been able to bring up bad news without a whole mess of stress and secrets and management before. …he’d only known Kaito for a year, and probably the worst year of their lives. He had no idea how Kaito would take bad news when things were ‘normal’. 

But his husband was trying. Had been trying so hard for the past year to…figure all of this out. Sometimes not always pointed in a good direction, but…he’d always been trying. 

Tenderly, Kokichi got out of his leg and settled down next to Kaito, not leaning on him, not initiating a hug or a calming touch or anything…because Kaito was still mad. Still had so many things to process. 

…but he could process through all of them. And Kokichi would still be there. 

Kaito was still trembling, the rush of adrenaline rocking painfully through him. He felt crazy, but… he was allowed to be angry. He wasn’t hitting anyone, he wasn’t destroying anything, he… was maybe yelling too much and calling people names and telling people to shut up, sure, but… but he was allowed to be angry.

And he was allowed to be happy! That his best friend hadn’t just… not gotten a chance to kill his brother. That she had actually chosen not to do it and…

Kaito sighed, noticing movement beside him and glancing over to Kokichi. “...’m sorry I called you an idiot.” Kaito muttered, “But you guys are really fucking stupid sometimes.”

“... guys, why is everyone out of their very comfy swinging chair things?” Shuichi scolded, giving his family an exasperated look, “I’m feeling peer-pressured to join you on the floor, and you all remember not twenty minutes ago when we all agreed to be here a ridiculous amount of time?”

“You don’t have to join us, Shuichi. Be comfortable and spoiled in your high chair, while the rest of us work through our issues.” Maki drolled.

“...” Shuichi sighed, grabbing his cushion, and then after a moment going and grabbing Kokichi’s cushion too, going and laying them both down by the pond next to Maki as he settled into them, “Kaito’s right. We are stupid. You all let me know when we’re going back into the eggs. Dr. Mariah, are you joining us?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” Dr. Mariah said, sipping on her tea.

“Right.” Shuichi huffed, “Okay, so… Kaito… in the interest of telling you things as I learn it? I’m saying two things.”

Kaito gave Shuichi a grim look, “...okay. What?”

“One.” Shuichi put up one finger, “I’ve learned that Flora have weird puberty stuff, genital wise, and I am entirely relying on you to handle that transition as her dad, because as her father, I feel like I’d mess it up because I mostly just want to tell her to be celibate her whole life, and maybe she shouldn’t even go through puberty because it’s overrated.”

Kaito blinked, genuinely taken off guard, “Uh… okay, do you know what she’s goi–”

“Nope, nope, one more thing. Please, because this is specifically what you asked for…” Shuichi sighed, holding up his second finger, “...I can’t tell you who gave me that information, because I promised them I’d keep it private. And I’m trusting you to let me respect that without it being a ‘secret’ from you. So… Kaito? And Maki and Kokichi too, I suppose… I have a secret. It’s for someone else's privacy. Sometimes they will tell me things that I’ll want to share with you anyway.”

“...okay. Are they safe?” Kaito asked, giving Shuichi a concerned look, “Like… this isn’t a ‘maybe’ thing?”

“No, they’re a friend, you can trust them, and I do. I promise.”

“... okay, so, like, did they mention specifically what we have to look out for with puberty?” Kaito asked, “I mean, thankfully it’s not anytime soon, but…”

“We are,” Kokichi softly agreed. Sometimes they were collossally stupid. 

Kokichi wasn’t sure if things were quite resolved, but…maybe resolution wouldn’t happen in a day. …honestly, thinking it like that, it seemed kind of absurd that something as big as Kaito’s feelings about what Maki had done could be resolved in a day. But…they had untied one knot that was connected to the rest of them too. So…they could adjust to that new tension. 

Looking over at Shuuichi with a tired curiosity, Kokichi…well, he blanched a little with. It would be awkward enough explaining puberty to Miyako and helping her through it with her being a girl--he hadn’t even considered if there were any unique things about being a teenaged Flora. But…like they had Maki and Lake and Nazumi…they weren’t alone facing it. 

“...we could probably ask our Flora friend more about it too,” Kokichi chimed in quietly, being very careful not to name Thalia by name. “It might be a little awkward, but…they’ve already agreed to help us out with other stuff. It can’t hurt to ask from someone who’d know personally.”

And Kokichi was guessing that Shuuichi hadn’t gotten this information from Thalia, since…well, he knew that they all knew about her now. There wasn’t reason to be even more dodgy about it just in front of Dr. Mariah.

Maki wasn’t going to push either… she’d convince Shuichi to confide in her who it was their next lamenting session. Shuichi couldn’t keep secrets from her, he just didn’t have it in him. No more than she could keep secrets from him.

“Yeah, we’ll talk to them about it.” Kaito agreed, sighing. Alright. Puberty stuff. It was a problem for another day, but Katio would handle it… “...I know it’s not always that easy. Or convenient. I know that the other things we’ve… that we’re fighting about aren’t, or weren’t, as easy to talk to me about. I get that, it’s not like I don’t understand… well, no. It is hard for me to understand, sometimes.” Kaito frowned. 

“But… I get parts of it. Maki didn’t tell me about the conspiracy because she wanted it to work. Shuichi… Shuichi didn’t tell me because… he wanted to protect Maki? Or both of us?” Kaito asked, looking to Shuichi.

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think it was going to work, and I…” Shuichi shrugged, looking a little crestfallen as he admitted, “I was a coward. I hoped the situation would resolve itself by it just failing to take off. We wouldn’t have to tell you about this terrible, terrifying thing Maki was planning to do if she never managed to do it. Honestly, I was devastated she ever left in the first place… I really didn’t think it was going to get that far.” 

“Right… so Shuichi was in a little bit of denial. And that’s why he didn’t tell me. I guess I can get that… and Kokichi didn’t tell me because…” Kaito looked to his husband, uncertain again as he guessed, “...because he also wanted it to work?”

“And I manipulated him into wanting to protect me.” Maki stressed, eyes narrowing. “I don’t have to be ‘managing’ you to still believe that. If Kokichi failed to trust you, it’s because I convinced him too.”

Kokichi thought about how Shuuichi was right after Maki left. The anger, the tears…and then months, between both him and Kaito, just…convinced that they’d never see her again. All the times he had groused and argued, just…wanting Maki to forget about Luminary, and focus on the lives they’d made for themselves in Dicea. 

Shuuichi hated Luminary, but he had never wanted the war to happen. 

And Kokichi…

He gave Maki an annoyed look. “...caring about someone isn’t them manipulating you. I made bad assumptions, partially on what you and Shuuichi told me, that…if I told Kaito, he would tell Byakuya, and the revolution would be squashed, everyone involved executed. But…that was as much me making assumptions as it was you just…telling me what Luminary was like.”

“...I wanted to,” Kokichi said, his fatigue growing on his face as he looked over at Kaito. “...I really wanted to trust you, then. You had done a lot to earn my trust. But…I didn’t. I’d known you…almost two months, we’d been through a lot of horrible, stressful things…but despite how much I wanted to…I didn’t trust you. That…wasn’t anyone manipulating me. It was just…me failing to be honest with you. So…I hurt you. I wish I really had trusted you…you were more than trustworthy.”

“...god, was that really only two months in?”

“I’ve told you all before.” Dr. Mariah said from on-high, sipping her tea, “Your situation? Unique. And ridiculous. And not an accurate reflection of you or your relationships.”

“Right, right…” Kaito sighed, rubbing his eyes, “...so Maki wanted to change things, come hell or high water. Or me. And she still chose me when it finally came down to it… Shuichi was in denial, which… fuck, that whole situation sucked, I don’t know what I would have done in his shoes… and Kokichi had literally only known me for a few months, and was trying to weigh that against what he was sure would be the lives of thousands…”

“...fuck, maybe I’d ask ‘is your life worth more than all of theirs’ at that point too.” Kaito muttered, rubbing his temple, “That’s… a hell of a thing to put on the shoulders of some kid who just had his first kiss and was already shouldering a savior complex. For someone he barely fucking knows at all…”

“...Kaito, I know this is what set you off before, but, well… you don’t do a good job intimidating me.” Maki said dryly, “So I’m just going to say it again, that you making excuses for all of us is the shittiest outcome here. I peer pressured Shuichi and Kokich to keep my secrets, and I used those secrets to hurt you. Hold me responsible.”

“And I said fuck you. I can fucking make any excuse I want, and I can forgive what I want, and I can still be pissed about what I want.” Kaito growled back, glaring at her, “...and I am. Sometimes. Still. Obviously… but I also understand it better. Which makes me a little less angry and hurt. I’m not unreasonable, you guys… can’t convince me that I am. I’m holding onto that for dear fucking life, I’m not irrational or unreasonable… I just don’t like being kept in the dark. I can control my emotions when I understand what’s going on… because you guys aren’t viscous, or mean, or cruel… okay, sometimes you’re a little mean, but not to a point where I feel like it’s more than I can handle. But you guys don’t make decisions with a ‘fuck Kaito who cares’ attitude… it just feels like that sometimes, because no one ever wants to clue me in or explain anything. So I’m just… left in the dark with no idea what’s going on, and then I get partial information that usually makes it all seem so much worse…”

Kaito rubbed at his knuckles. “...I’m not stupid, or unreasonable. Just fucking talk to me. Tell me what’s going on, or tell me I can’t know what’s going on… I trust you guys. I’d believe you, if you just said you can’t explain it right now. That’s all I want…”

“...I think you guys even know that. Or, at least Kokichi does.” Kaito shrugged, “He did try to tell me he couldn’t explain it to me yet. He said it last therapy session. Neither of us just had… any idea how serious he was being.”

Fuck. Fuck.

They had been forced into ride or die situations a week after knowing each other, and half those days Kokichi hadn’t even really known who Kaito was. And he’d just been…in such a bad place that year…everything that had made his teens miserable just compounding all at once. 

Still…Kokichi shrank in shame, hearing that question he’d posed Kaito. What an awful thing to say to someone…

And…while Kaito sometimes did make excuses--placing all of the blame about not telling him about all the Empath stuff on Maki--this wasn’t that. Seeing the real stressors that were on them and understanding why they decided what they did…it wasn’t even forgiving them. It was just…understanding. 

Hell, Maki deciding that she had manipulated Shuuichi and him into caring about her was…exactly what he’d been doing at the memorial garden too. And that hadn’t been fair to Kaito then, so it wasn’t fair to them now. 

Kokichi sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “...yeah. Yeah. And I know it doesn’t count, since you can’t remember it, but…every time I told one of your memories that too…yeah.”

“...I want to talk to you, Kai-chan…I’m sorry I’ve been so awful about it. I said I wanted us to be a team and…it seems like I didn’t actually commit to that myself.” Gently, Kokichi pressed against Kaito for a moment. “I want to work through things with you, and let you know whatever I find out about…whatever. I know you can handle it. I’m sorry I haven’t let you.”

“Thanks, ‘Kichi.” Kaito murmured, gently pressing back. “...Shuichi?”

“I just had a baby and was sworn to secrecy after Kokichi had a meltdown he wasn’t even aware consciously he was having.” Shuichi said blankly, “I’m not apologizing for anything, that was me doing my best.”

“...ya know what? That feels fair.” Kaito said, Maki silently nodding along with him. “Man… that feels like progress, right? Maybe we’ll have a normal therapy session after all–”

“Nope.” Dr. Mariah said, sipping at her tea, “You’re not getting out of it that easy. There are still way too many emotional loose ends to assume there’s not more that you all will struggle with in this crisis. I can’t make any of you stay, but I can strongly advise you all to commit to this today, with breaks for going to get food and maybe taking a walk if things are too stressful. And that is my advice.”

“Spoilsport.” Kaito muttered.

…he had never made it easy on Shuuichi, had he.

Things did feel a little better though. Still, Kokichi rubbed his hands over his face, nodding a little, before speaking up. “Yeah… There’s still…a lot of stuff to get to. And…I guess it’s as good a time as any, since…”

Kokichi nodded a little to Shuuichi. “We’ve kind of talked about both ends of it, now. But…the reason Shuu-chan found out about my Empathy, was because of a deal he made with our mutual friend. …in exchange for letting us try creating a defense to combat his conditioning, Shuu-chan asked to be told in the physical world what I was. Our friend negotiated to tell him after Miya was born, so it would be less stress on him at the time, but…”

Kokichi rubbed his face again with a sigh. “...but it wasn’t exactly a walk in the park when you found out either… I…I’m sorry about that too. …I got so freaked out and…I don’t know…I didn’t know what happened…”

Shuichi’s face immediately softened, “I know. I know you didn’t know what happened. You literally didn’t know what happened. Kokichi, I’m not a glutton for punishment like Kaito, and I’m not determined to solve every problem by being the villain in it like Maki. I’m not a crazy person–”

“Rude/Ouch, handsome.”

“-- who takes a lot of abuse when the easier thing would be literally anything else. No offense,” Shuichi shrugged, unbothered by Maki and Kaito’s huffing, “Admittedly, I have a bad habit of just ignoring problems hoping they might go away, but I’m pissed the entire time I have to do that. And I’m not pissed at you. I really think you were doing the best you could too, I saw how scared you were when you got even a hint of your memories every time you were awake and they affected you. You weren’t ready for them. And the things you were dealing with while asleep are… huge. Forget even the conditioning effects, and Tengan, and all of that… just grappling with suddenly having those abilities? Trying to cope with that, be comfortable with it?”

“That’s a lot.” Shuichi said, giving Kokichi an earnest look, “And I know you love us, but that was a personal thing you were dealing with. In your shoes, I would have wanted to wait until I had a grip on what was going on too, before I told you guys. And, in my shoes, I’m sure you can understand why even understanding that, I couldn’t leave you to deal with it alone. We were both doing our best… it was just a lot. I don’t really believe it could have gone smoother, honestly. Remembering was always going to be an event. Learning about your abilities was always going to be an event. And, yes… it was an event. And that’s not your fault.”

Kokichi gave Shuuichi a soft, slightly reproachful look, but…well. Kaito and Maki did have those tendencies, even if explaining it as a blanket statement wasn’t giving them the nuances they deserved. 

But for what he deserved…

Kokichi’s shoulders dropped. “...I still feel like there were things I dropped the ball on. But…”

His face crumpled in a bit. “...I’m so thankful to A…t-to my mentor… They were always there for me. It’s been so scary…” He hated it, but tears started welling up in his eyes again. “I hated myself for so long because of my abilities…because of all the bullshit crazy stuff only I do that we only ever find out about by accident and…”

Kokichi ran a stressed hand through his hair. “Do you know how scary it is to be in a coma and be able to sense your consciousness in ruins? Y-you’ve seen what it looks like, Shuu-chan--now imagine that there’s nothing there, not even your own body, a-and all the things you’ve built have just been erased in the void too, and…”

Kaito wasn’t good at keeping his hands to himself, and especially when it came to his husband. So the second Kokichi started to crumble, Kaito reached out, scooting closer to him and wrapping his arm around Kokichi’s back, pulling him close. It was an automatic, practiced movement…

… what happened???

 Kaito kept the horror off his face though, just kissing at Kokichi’s head briefly. Kokichi was already scared, Kaito didn’t need to add to it. Though… admittedly, Kaito didn’t have any good ideas of what to say. That sounded terrifying, what kind of… reassurance or silver lining…???

Thankfully, Shuichi was on it, ready with a soft look and a gentle tone. His own face pinching slightly in concern and pain, before saying softly, “I can’t imagine it, Kokichi… I–”

“That sounds fucking terrifying.” Maki interrupted. Looking genuinely disturbed. “That might be the scariest thing I’ve ever heard described.”

“Maki!”

“What? Are you going to tell him it isn’t?” Maki asked, looking genuinely bewildered. “Kokichi survived through something genuinely terrifying. Don’t make light of it the moment he tells us about it. Just shut up and listen to him, some things don't need a damn silver lining. They just need to be heard.”

“...that does sound really scary.” Kaito murmured, holding Kokichi tight, “Was this the coma?”

Kokichi curled into Kaito, taking comfort in the solid, warm form of his husband while memories of one of the scariest moments of his life ran through his head. He nodded slightly, huffing to even out his breaths. “I didn’t have a form a-anymore… Just this ball of light that was dim and flickering… My mentor stayed with me the whole time…a-and our friend visited me… The first time they did they…they were more of a sketchy skeleton than a person…”

“My construct kept being erased… He tried to make it through the void so many times… All to give me a nice memory. When I was a little stronger, sometimes we’d just…watch memories to pass the time…but I could never be aware for long…”

He shook his head a little. “...wish I had just been fully asleep the whole time… It was horrible, knowing I was in such a bad state…”

“... do you?” Kaito asked, a bit of doubt bleeding out as he rested his head against Kokichi’s, “I mean, yes, that particular moment sounds awful. That’d be so scary… but otherwise you got to know something a lot of coma victims don’t. You got to know you were recovering. That’s… kind of amazing. And you had visitors? Strange, golden magical cat furry visitors… and got to watch your own memories with whatever the heck a construct is, who sounds kinda vague but I’m very glad was watching out for you so dedicatedly…”

“I know it’s terrible,” Kaito stressed, “And maybe I don’t have any right to say this at all… but it’s also kind of incredible? And… relieving? I know, I know, that's selfish, but…”

Pulling away from Kokichi a little, Kaito looked down at him, running his thumb across Kokichi’s cheek as he said, softly and slightly in awe, “‘Kichi, you were so small in that bed… you were small and still and you wouldn’t respond to anything, for a week. And I tried to stay positive but we surrounded you with flowers and people came by to see you and say a few words and sometimes it was nice but sometimes it felt like a funeral… you were so small… and lifeless…”

“But you weren’t. You were awake in there, pulling yourself together. Watching memories and taking comfort from your friends, building yourself back up… that’s amazing. That’s incredible. For me, entirely selfishly? That’s the best case scenario, in a situation like that, that my Kokichi has this… super power, that lets him think and recover and not be lonely during a coma. That makes him more than the body lying in the bed, surrounded by flowers…”

“You’re amazing.” Kaito whispered, “As scary as all that sounds? I’m so grateful for that. I wouldn’t change it for anything.”

…it had been horrifying, seeing exactly what was happening while his body was shut down. 

…but he had been so comforted, feeling Alter Ego tucked into his side, knowing that his mentor would protect him against anything. Hearing rain or people talking and smelling flowers…knowing that his friends were nearby…

…it would’ve been scarier if it had just been a void. 

Kokichi looked up at Kaito, seeing the fear his husband described for that week and…

…and he said he had a super power. Kaito was grateful for him…

Immediately, Kokichi burst into another round of tears, surging forward towards Kaito, but that wasn’t the only thing that burst. Briefly, soft yellow sparks came off of Kokichi’s body, and a profound feeling of gratitude washed over people…

But for the people just around him? There weren’t direct memories. But…over and over, slightly different from each other, except for the one that was a different voice entirely, though the same person… Kaito’s excitement, calling his husband something amazing. A superhero. That…if there was anyone with the terrifying power Empaths could wield, of course it would be Kokichi. That Kokichi was incredible.

And Kokichi softly cried into Kaito’s shoulder, hugging him. 

Ooooooh, tasty… too bad there was no nutrients in that for her… Angel’s didn’t know how good they had it.

As Dr. Mariah sipped at her tea, pleased with this development, Shuichi and Maki’s eyes both widened. Maki recovered first, relaxing against the side of her hip as she gave Kokichi a fond look, before glancing over at Shuichi, “...need a tissue?”

“Shut up.” Shuichi muttered, wiping at his eyes. He hated crying… but at least this was the nice kind of emotional. A warm happiness running through him, and the… somewhat strange chorus of voices, of varying volume and intensities, all… somehow Kaito? Though some of them sounded wrong, too young, too feminine, but it still all felt… like Kaito. 

And Kaito…

Kaito laughed. How could he help it? He felt happy. It ran through him like hot water, his chest muscles tightening, his back muscles loosening, a nice, buzzing feeling on the hair on his skin, which flushed red in reaction to all that happy heat. Kaito felt nothing idly. Everything always ran through him like a force. And gratitude, happiness, relief… it was no exception, even if those feelings didn’t come from him, even if the variety of memories about himself were a little confusing, that joy still warmed him like the sun, blazing and exciting. 

(And there was a strangeness there. Something Kaito likely wouldn’t really understand he felt, until later when he dissected it but… it was strange, loving himself through Kokichi’s eyes. Being pleased with himself, relieved at his own reassurance, feeling strong at his own encouragement. To feel about himself the way Kokichi felt about him…)

(Strange.)

“Aw, babe~” Kaito laughed, hugging him tightly, beaming down at him, “My poor weepy ‘Kichi… I’m glad the superhero upgrade didn’t make you less sweet. I’d have missed you, if you had gotten all chiseled and ‘too cool’ to cry against me… my poor sweet ‘kich… don’t cry…”

Then he paused, thinking of all the (strange) different voices, “...man, how many times did you tell me??”

He didn’t mean to burst, really. Kokichi never wanted to force emotions on others, and now matter how he spun it, this wasn’t really consensual sharing. But…well, it was something to work on. And he hoped feeling something happy from him for once was a nice change. 

Kokichi could just cry in Kaito’s lap for a few moments, laughing softly before trying to wipe his eyes, despite having already soaked into Kaito’s shirt. After having all his worries that he’d had for months, then hadn’t been expecting piled on him…it felt so wonderful to hear that Kaito still loved him. And not just that he loved Kokichi, but…he loved Kokichi the Empath too. 

He had told him enough, but it was nice to hear again. 

Sniffling, Kokichi paused before shrugging slightly. “...four times come to mind, but…it might’ve been more… Sometimes it felt like every time I saw you I told you, and promised to tell you for real as soon as I could.”

“Wow, you visited him a lot, considering Saint Madison threatens you every time you go.” Maki mused, tilting her head slightly, her hair brushing over her shoulders as she offered, “You know, I could go in there and help train her in how to threaten and intimidate properly?”

“What? Threaten who? Kokichi?” Kaito asked, still contently holding Kokichi, “No. I’m gonna go ahead and veto that. Besides, I’m sure Saint Madison is a perfectly good intimidator, but ‘Kichi just always has a good reason to be there… what’s that like, anyway? You guys keep talking about this like you’re going somewhere, do our minds look like… places?”

“It seems to vary pretty widely based on what part of the mind you’re in. At least based on what I’ve seen.” Shuichi tried to answer, “Was that all just moments of talking to Kaito? That’s what it felt like. I don’t know how accurate I should consider memories, uh… given like that? Should we consider all of that as things that literally happened?”

Kokichi shook his head a little. “Some of those were ‘cause she called me, and…uh. Some of those weren’t actually Kai-chan--just memories I’d made of him in my own mind. Considering I have a pretty good idea a lot of Saint Madison’s mannerisms are literally based on you? She’s got it on lock. I just happen to be the person on call if anything happens…”

Again, Kokichi wiped his face but…things felt a lot better. It felt easier to talk about everything. 

With a lightness in him he hadn’t had for days, Kokichi did a sort of nod-shrug combo. “Unless you’re focusing on the physicality of it? Everything is in metaphors. To me, going to visit someone is…opening up a portal and stepping through into…anything. What they’re seeing, or a dream, or…for other Empaths, though there are exceptions…I guess it’d be the same rules as a dream, since it can be literally anything, but it tends to be more structured. Things look different depending on what you do after that, but there tends to be a single “place” you’ll initially drop into.”

Blinking for a moment…oh. He supposed…all his memories would’ve dropped into all that, huh… Kokichi cast a worried look over the roof. He hoped that hadn’t traveled far. “Um…I think so? Hm… I’d think an Empath could fabricate memories, but…” Kokichi shrugged a little. “When someone sends intent it’s…like absolute distilled…intent. It’s exactly what they mean.”

Shuichi’s eyes narrowed at that, curiosity clearly picking at him at that, “Is that so? Have you ever tried to send a lie over through intent? Do it, try it now, send me a lie.”

“Better just do it, Shuichi has that ‘search through the whole library for one source he barely remembers but will crack the whole case’ vibe going on.” Kaito encouraged, kissing Kokichi’s head again. 

Kokichi pressed his lips together, not so much worried as intrigued. “I’ve never tried…”

Hm… Kokichi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. {I am trying to tell you I ate the last of your candy, but I know it’s still safely in our drawer and I’m thinking of doing another sweets run after therapy if the shops are still open.}

Shuichi laughed, “Okay, very interesting… that didn’t work at all. You’re right, if that’s what intent is, it’d be very difficult to lie. And I approve of the sweet run idea, we’ll have more than earned it.”

Maki raised an eyebrow, “Okay, I’m curious. Do one to me, let’s confir it’s not just Shuichi being good at seeing through lies.”

Kaito frowned, “Is it a one for one thing? Can you send messages to more than one person at a time?... are you cool with us talking about this?” Kaito asked, looking to Dr. Mariah.

“It’s been a challenging day already. Consider this a moment of decompression.” Dr. Mariah assured. “It’s fine.”

Choosing to answer multiple questions at once, Kokichi kept his eyes closed, smiling a little. Focusing on Kaito and Maki, he felt {Hee hee, I’m talking to both of you while intending to say that it only works one on one, but that’s even an obvious lie without knowing and I find it silly.}

Then to Kaito, Maki, and Shuuichi, {I love you <3}

Though…when Kokichi opened his eyes again he let out a little breath, blinking as if he were slightly disoriented. 

Maki rolled her eyes, smirking a little, “Yep. That doesn’t work. At least we know.”

“Awwwwww, my guy… fucking cutie~” Kaito grinned, nuzzling his head into Kokichi’s hair.

Shuichi smiled, “Love you too, Kokichi…” before frowning.

Kaito caught the look on Shuichi’s face, able to see something Kaito would have missed half wrapped around him. Though catching Shuichi’s expression, Kaito peered down at Kokichi’s face… “...oh. Right. Bloody noses and migraines… maybe let’s cool it with the experiments… wait.” Kaito frowned, brow furrowed, “You said earlier you jumped into one of my nightmares and tried to soothe me. You sounded really down about that, and I wasn’t sure why… ‘Kichi, did you hurt yourself doing that?”

At this, Shuichi adjusted the brim of his hat nervously, and even Maki shifted onto her other hip, running her hand through her hair and looking Maki’s equivalent of uncomfortably sheepish.

Kokichi hummed happily, nuzzling against Kaito in return, though he gave the others what started out as an apologetic look--he wasn’t used to doing stuff like this while conscious of it, and even the little back and forths he’d been doing with Miyako were more subconscious than anything, so…it would take some practice. However, as Kaito asked about the nightmare…

He looked down, guilty as he nodded. “...yeah. I got that awful migraine the day after… I got ahead of myself--it was the first time I could…show off to anyone, and then Saint Madison called and…I got caught up in how important it was…”

A sigh. “It wasn’t just helping you out with a nightmare--I could handle something like that no sweat. But…I was stabilizing Shuu-chan and Maki-chan’s surface consciousnesses, while also bridging them over to your mind… For context…bringing a non-Empath into someone else’s mind is really hard.” Kokichi looked up with…a slightly nervous expression. “Like…something that barely anyone can do, hard. Bridging makes it a little easier but…I’m the bridge. And I just…didn’t think about all the things I was doing…”

Kokichi closed his eyes with a groan. “My mentor was so pissed at me for pulling a stunt like that…”

Kaito flicked Kokichi between his eyes. 

“Hey - ow!” Kokichi startled, opening his eyes and rubbing the egregious injury Kaito caused to him. “I know I was being dumb!”

“Yes! You were!” Kaito huffed, glaring at Kokichi, “We’re talking about that migraine that sent you to medical in the middle of the night!? You woke up with your nose gushing blood? That migraine? The universe gave you a literal golden guide, ask them before you pull stunts like that! You two?! Get over here, get in flicking distance!”

“Uuuuuh, no.” Shuichi decided, lowering his hat protectively over his forehead, “Nope.”

“We didn’t know it was going to happen like that. It was a mistake… and Kokichi got hurt the old fashioned way, in classic, true-maroon Luminary fashion,” Maki shrugged, “Showing off to his boyfriend and an overly athletic, overly judgy friend. It was kind of inevitable, really. If you want to scold, just take a good look at your right hand palm and decide if you need a scolding still, or if a bunch of stitches on your hand was lesson enough.”

“...” Kaito peered at the thin, old white lines on his palm… before huffing, “Dammit, that’s just me being stupid. You shouldn’t actually have to catch the sword once to learn to respect the damn sword…”

“...especially considering you apparently didn’t learn your lesson and tried that trick on Kokichi years later too.”

“I’ve gotten good at it since the cut! I knew I could do it by then!”

“You are always such a good example of really specific mental hiccups.”

“Alright…” Dr. Mariah sighed, “We should refocus. And a good place to go from here might be to discuss some boundary concerns…”

Kokichi just pouted. He knew he shouldn’t have done it. Despite having the right spirit, trusting his family to help out in an emergency…he should’ve just sent Shuuichi and Maki back to their own minds and left for Kaito himself. He’d probably still have a gnarly headache in the morning anyway, just from supporting and bridging Shuuichi and Maki initially, but it would’ve been a lot less strain on him. 

He just hadn’t been thinking. 

But…yeah. They were getting off track. 

Looking up to Dr. Mariah, he nodded a bit, calming. “...yeah. I’ve been worried about that for a while… I’ve tried not to pry into anything but…”

Again, Kokichi gave Kaito an apologetic glance before addressing the group. “...being Empathetic is literally about feeling other people’s emotions. That’s…not an ability I focus and can do. It’s just…what I feel. If you guys are feeling something strongly, or even just super focused on some thoughts…I get them.”

“...and that’s not fair to you guys at all,” he frowned. “You should be able to have privacy in your thoughts. I can work on not doing it so much by accident now that I’m aware of it, but…it’ll take me some time to…figure out how. And to be able to do it without focusing.”

“Okay, but… is it actual mind reading?” Kaito asked, rubbing Kokichi’s back–

“Kaito, may I advise you to give Kokichi some distance. I won’t insist you all return to your eggs, since yourself and Maki felt the need to get closer to each other in an effort to communicate more clearly with each other, but don’t forget I encourage distance between you all during these for a reason.” Dr. Mariah reminded him, her tone gentle but clearly leading.

Kaito pouted a little, giving Kokichi a quick kiss against his temple, before disentangling himself, scooting away again, dipping his legs back into the water as he said, “Sorry, um… like I said, empaths feel feelings, right? Does that… equal words? Or…”

“For most empaths? Based on what I know about the group, the usual answer is ‘no’. It’d be feelings without context… but Kokichi? You keep suggesting you’re at quite a high power level. Could you explain to all of us what that translates too, for you?” Dr. Mariah asked, genuinely curious. There were some demons who’s pallets were so refined that they claimed it might as well equal thoughts being said aloud… but she had always kinda thought those guys were braggarts just wanting to feel ‘special’. There wasn’t a lot of proof demons could do that, but empaths? The rumors of what high level empaths could do were borderline mythical, even for supernatural standards.

As much as the distance could be helpful during these sessions, Kokichi missed the hand on his back already. After feeling so…broken and distant from Kaito these past few days, it was a comfort to have him so nearby. But…they needed to be able to talk clearly. 

Sighing, Kokichi ran a hand through his hair, something…clearly nervous and a little sheepish running across his face. “Well…broadly…it means that stuff I do by unconscious or subconscious accident some Empaths could spend their whole lives honing their power to do and still never quite get there. As for ‘mind reading’?”

“...well, I do know you guys,” he started, shrugging a little. “Some of the time, just from how you’re feeling I can guess the actual thoughts pretty accurately. Others…it’s like…if you’re obsessing over a thought or…just feel really strongly about it…” Another apologetic look. “There’s a reason why I did think you guys said some stuff aloud, and we all got upset and confused about it. I…can’t tell you if I ‘sensed’ anything ‘cause…I really did think you were just speaking.”

“...” Kaito frowned, a confused look on his face…

“Kokichi got mad at you that one time for insinuating that he wouldn’t protect the children if it was inconvenient for his morals.” Shuichi explained, Kaito immediately making an ‘ooooh’ face as he continued, “You thought you had accidentally said something aloud, went to take a bath, and I ended up scolding Kokichi for putting words in your mouth which freaked him out… it was a whole thing.”

“Riiiiiight, right.” Kaito said slowly, nodding, “Riiiiiight… okay, yeah, that sounds a little bit like straight up mind reading. And is… admittedly a little paranoid inducing… but not in like a… baaaad way…”

“Is there a good way to be fueled with paranoia?” Maki asked, making a spontaneous decision to take her own shoes off, “And before anyone gets mad at me for teasing, I’m only being mean for its own sake a little bit.” Maki said, mimicking how Kaito had been pronouncing it, “Shuichi and I have talked about this a lot, we know that one of us being a mind reader needs a new way of thinking about communication and group dynamics, not to step on Dr. Mariah’s toes saying so–”

“You’re doing great, please go on.”

“-- but being scared of admitting the parts of that new dynamic that make us nervous or uncertain is just going to delay us figuring this out for even longer than it’s already annoyingly going to take us.” Maki shrugged, “So let’s just be honest. There are aspects of this that are going to be uncomfortable. I predict personally that at least all of us, once, will have a moment where we think something ‘mean’ and we all have to deal with the discomfort of Kokichi trying to not be hurt by something none of us wanted to express to him anyway. And that’s just the problem I can guess. Who knows what will blindside us.” Maki sighed, looking exasperated.

It wasn’t fair. No one should have to worry about their thoughts being monitored, but even if Kokichi wasn’t trying to do it on purpose, there would be things that leaked through to him. But…it was no use, just saying that it wasn’t fair. They needed to figure out what they wanted from their new normal. 

Nodding a bit to Maki, Kokichi hummed lowly. “...I think it might be a little easier since…I mean, I don’t think I’ll have the issue of flat out thinking you’d said something aloud as much. If something seems out of left field to me, I mean…depending on it, I could just ask you about it. Less confusion, at least.”

“...I can’t promise not to…be hurt or angry,” he sighed. “But I can promise to acknowledge that your thoughts are meant only for you. And…I’m going to ask my mentor about things I can do to have better control over my bursts…and maybe there’ll be something I can do about accidental reading too.”

Kokichi paused for a moment, tapping the rooftop. “...do you want me to stop visiting your dreams?”

“Well, I mean… it’s not like I think that many bad things…” Kaito frowned, examining that thought and just… it sounding more and more false the more he thought about it. Uh oh… uh oh… well, maybe those kind of thoughts were buried under special, bad thought layers… no that’s stupid… shoot… hmm… hmmm…

…. Oh no what about the sexy daydreams??

As Kaito reeled over all the things in his head that his sweet, moral, shy husband shouldn’t have to listen in on, out loud or otherwise, Shuichi and Maki considered Kokichi’s question, “I mean… you haven't randomly just shown up into my mind since I found out you could do it. The last time I invited you, remember? Maybe that should just be a part of it. Maybe you should just… ask us before you come? Discuss it with us beforehand if you can, and if it’s an emergency, just send us an intent and… hmmm, I guess we can’t send intent back, but you could listen to us and we can think real hard about if we want you to come visit us for a few minutes afterward, assuming you’re listening?”

“I’m still not terribly worried about it either way.” Maki mused, “If we really wanted to protect our thoughts, someone must have found a way by now to make tools or methods to do so. I doubt we’re the first people ever to be in this situation, living with an empath.”

“An empath as strong as Kokichi…?” Shuichi asked, looking over to Maki.

“Kokichi’s rare, he’s not unheard of. Someone’s worked something out.”

Kokichi could…vaguely feel the panic Kaito was going through, but…honestly? It didn’t feel like an urgent panic. The kind of thing Kaito felt when he was thinking about a lot of little things. So Kokichi wouldn’t immediately start mind reading, and would wait for Kaito to bring up his sorted thoughts to the group when he was ready. 

“I think that’d work,” Kokichi hummed. “I’m not really in the habit of just…stopping by when I’m bored. Sometimes I get a little nervous about how your defenses are doing, but…that hasn’t gotten me to make a visit in a while, and when I did, it was usually after seeing you guys be worried or weird in the physical world. But now that you know…I’ll ask you before I pop in.”

Kokichi considered something for a moment. “...also, Maki-chan is a dragon. Or has the mental strength of one. I know you normally wouldn’t wanna hurt me, even if I’m being annoying, but you could eat me in a snap. Maki-chan has more defensive prowess than the average person.”

But…they weren’t exactly working with average. 

Looking a little comfortable at Maki’s last statement, Kokichi played with the hem of his shirt. “...uh…well…about that…”

“Yeah, I… really wanna see this whole Dragon!Maki situation. Maki, are you in Miyako’s head right now? How is that working??” Kaito asked, briefly distracted by the exposure of his worst thoughts, morally and sexually, to his dear sweet husband, to the sheer madness that was ‘Maki as a dragon in a non-metaphoircal sense’, “Can you… speak to her? Feel her?”

“If I can, I’m not aware of it.” Maki said simply, “If someone hadn’t told me, I’d have no idea there was anything dragon related about me at all. I’ve never seen it, I don’t have it’s memories… well, I have one weird memory about climbing a mountain to a temple, but it might be a metaphor, so I don’t know how useful that is. And all I know about Miyako is that she really loves suckng on anything she can get her hands on and is really tolerant to heat. So, no more or no less than what you all know.”

“And, what about what?” Maki asked, refocusing on Kokchi, rasing an eyebrow, “Why do you look like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar? Do you want Kaito to have a new earring? Speak up.”

…honestly, Kokichi didn’t know how it worked either. If Maki were an Empath, he would’ve guessed he left a construct of herself in Miyako’s mind, but…he had no idea how dragon abilities worked. And…unfortunately, there wouldn’t be a lot of people around who would. 

But the fact of the matter was… Kokichi let out a nervous sigh. “I think…objectively, I’m rare but not unheard of, but…with some of the stuff I do, no one’s heard of an Empath doing it before. Like…it makes sense, what I do, as, like, a furthering of abilities people know about but…not on the level I do it.”

“...but I do have people I can ask,” he nodded gently. “I’ll see how they deal with it, and if there are people who know about them and…what they’ve worked out.”

“Sooooooo… the most powerful mind reader potentially in the world… is my Kokichi Ouma…”

“Ours.” Shuichi dutifully corrected.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean…” Kaito was clearly starting to sweat a little, “Right…. Riiiiiiight…. Noooo proooooblem……….”

“Kokichi I’ve gotten horny watching someone pour juice!” Kaito suddenly shouted, looking incredibly urgent.

“Kaito, do recall that it’s better to take a moment and think about what you want to say, and that your partners don’t appreciate specifics discuss–”

“It wasn’t sexy pouring! It was just someone nice looking pouring juice! I got so worked up I had to find a public toilet and rub one out, and I was thinking about the juice pouring the entire time!” Kaito continued urgently, one of his eyes twitching, “I’ve gotten horny watching people write! I’ve been painfully turned on by sports! All of them! Those are the easy things to admit have turned me on entirely randomly, there’s a lot more stuff that would either embarrass me or make no sense even under this context of not making sense! Ya ever been turned on by the idea of trying and failing to stuff your penis into a honeycomb!? I have! It was a weird horny dream I had once! Wait, I lie, it wasn’t a honeycomb, that would somewhat make sense, it was literally just a beehive! With bees in it! So many horny dream bees!”

“A-and things that shouldn’t turn me on, do, sometimes. Things that I’m not proud of.” Kaito said, fidgeting uncomfortably, “Things, objectively, I don’t even like. Things I specifically ask you not to do. People yelling at me, hitting me, being in a fight, doing the same to them… there’s a lot going on in there and a lot of it doesn’t make sense and… I just… don’t want you to get confused. Or, uh, or…” Kaito fidget uncomfortably some more, his head dropping, nervous and ashamed as he said, “I just don’t want you to think it makes any sense, even to me. It doesn’t, it’s so… random and chaotic. And I just… hope if you see something that freaks you out, I didn’t… I’m not… I’m sorry…”

Kokichi turned red at Kaito’s outburst, and as Kaito went on to explain even further, the color in Kokichi’s face only grew, a stark contrast to how pale he’d been the past few days. And…he really should’ve stopped Kaito, but, more than it seemed like something Kaito needed to get out there, Kokichi was just…too stunned to do anything. 

Covering his face with a strained squeak, all Kokichi could do for a bit was weakly shake his head. But, eventually, he found his voice, as strained with embarrassment as it was. “Kai-chan…I know you get horny a lot… I don’t have to be an Empath to know that. And while sometimes I do get the sense you’re getting worked up about something, I never get what it is.”

Pressing his palm into his eyes, Kokichi shook his head more. “I’m never gonna try and initiate something from just your feelings. The most subtle it’ll be is me flirting, but even then I wait to see if you flirt back before doing anything more than holding your hand. Our boundaries are our boundaries…I need to hear you say you’re okay before anything happens. And…if you say something’s not okay, then it’s not okay, end of story.”

“Okay… I just… my brain is weird and stupid and perpetually horny, and I hope that doesn’t end up putting you off to me…”

Shuchi was full on hiding under his hat, suffering fiercely from second hand embarrassment. 

“Hey, Kaito.” Maki said, looking deeply amused, “Do you find the fish sexy?”

“What? No? Why!?”

“They’re brushing against your legs.”

“... I’m not that easy, Maki…” Kaito grumbled, though he tellingly pulled his legs out of the water, tucking them against his chest and glaring at her, “Jerk.”

“I think Kaito’s… concerns paint a bigger picture of certain difficulties in communication like this.” Dr. Mariah finally interjected, to Kaito’s relief, “Sometimes, the things we say aloud firmly contradict how we actually emotionally feel about the subject. There are some that would argue this makes a person a liar, or a hypocrite, or in denial. Personally, I don’t believe this to be the case. We can all intellectually make a decision about our ‘feelings’ on a subject, even if that intellectual decision contradicts that emotional certainty. What really determines which one matters more, our chosen opinion or the emotional one, is more dependent on which one we actually choose to act on, in the day to day, and the version we should respect as ‘true’ is the one the person behaves on.”

“But… that is admittedly an individual opinion on the subject. Kokichi especially, and all of you, need to find your own understanding and consensus on that idea. You need to determine for yourselves what is a ‘lie’ between you that Kokichi stumbled upon the truth of, and what is merely self contradiction, and how much weight to put into those contradictions when they occur. I can’t tell you how you should feel about it. But I can say discussion of those ideas earlier rather than later will spare you more difficult and traumatic discussions in time,”

“Nothing could put me off you,” Kokichi said softly, though his hands were still over his face. “The things that would just…wouldn’t be you if you did them.”

And…there was an unfortunate truth to those words. Just like Kaito couldn’t pull himself away even after having hard lines crossed…Kokichi knew he wouldn’t be able to leave Kaito either. So…they just had no choice but to improve themselves, or otherwise be miserable together. 

…intent mattered, but what actually made things happen were actions. Decisions. 

Letting out a shaky breath, Kokichi lowered his hands, at least a little. “...for my own perspective… I can’t say I’ll…immediately put it out of my head, and I might worry regardless…but I can promise to take your words as the final say on anything. I mean…I ignore people lying a lot. But…I always have to hope that they’re lying for a good reason, and I’m meant to take what they’re saying. So…please be honest with me. You guys aren’t…really prone to it, but…I won’t be able to play passive aggressive games, or take things that are implied--I’ll be taking your words as they are.”

Shuichi frowned, “Well, that’s tragic. Who am I without sarcasm and passive aggressiveness?”

“You're not that sarcastic,” Maki said, “You are very passive aggressive though. If anything, doesn’t Kokichi knowing exactly what you mean make it more convenient for you? Now you can be passive aggressive all you want and no one will misunderstand you.”

“I suppose that’s true.” Shuichi agreed, “At least I’m not going to be filling Kokichi’s head with lecherous thoughts about fish.”

“I DON’T WANNA FUCK THE FISH!”

“Miyako’s dad is a fish fucker… tragic.” Shuichi sighed, before looking a little more serious, “I’m glad we’re navigating this now, with Kokichi, if I’m honest. Miyako’s a member of a hivemind and a powerful empath. I don’t know if she’ll be capable of what Kokichi is, someday, but with the four of us navigating this, we’ll be able to help her with these sorts of things by the time she’s old enough for it to seriously affect her. Honestly, for having a baby like Miyako? We’ve been put in an ideal situation, as difficult as it is right now.”

‘Right’ Dr. Mariah thought, blinking a little, ‘So perfect that maybe that was the point.’

“Rolling back a little, to Kokichi’s earlier question of if he should be visiting us… ‘Kichi, I don’t want you to keep putting yourself in medical doing stuff like this,” Kaito said, frowning at his husband, “I understand why you were worried, I don’t sleep well sometimes, and… it’s been a little worse than usual, lately. I know that. But…”

Kaito sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, “Rather then you trying to stop my nightmares and hurting yourself doing so… Miss Crystal has been trying to get me to take these sleeping tablets for a long time. They’re supposed to knock me out, deep, dreamless sleep… but I really don’t like the idea that if you guys need me, even if you manage to wake me up I’ll be a groggy, slow mess. I haven't wanted to risk it. But I’d still rather do that then let you harm yourself trying to help me… if it’s an ‘either/or’ thing, I’ll just… take the tablets.”

That got Kokichi to roll his eyes a little. To the best of his usual social ability, he’d still be able to get sarcasm and more lighthearted things. It wasn’t like he usually went against those kinds of things thinking they were lies anyway--it was just a style of speech. But for all the serious things? Leaving him to pick up cues was going to make a mess of everything.

But…as long as they talked, they would be alright. Even if Kokichi really could mind-read, there was still a conversation to be had. 

And that was a lesson to teach Miyako eventually too. Though…he wasn’t exactly looking forward to convincing a toddler that she couldn’t just do whatever she wanted, regardless of being right. Interactions weren’t about being right--they were about listening. 

And back to dream visiting…

Kokichi frowned, a worried crease in his brow. Miss Crystal had been recommending  sleep tablets for ‘a long time’? And Kaito had been losing out on sleep for months? He took a breath, then let it out, calming himself. 

“Kai-chan… If you’re going to use sleep medicine…” Kokichi paused, deciding to re-word his idea. “The reason that time messed me up so bad wasn’t helping you through your nightmare--it was bringing Shuu-chan and Maki-chan there too, while keeping them aware. But…I don’t regularly go to help you with your nightmares anyway.”

Kokichi’s expression softened. “...I wish I could. I wish I could help out a lot of people with the issues on their minds. But…things like nightmares or minor anxieties…” He sighed. “...that’s not my job. Those things aren’t worth impeding on the privacy of someone’s mind, as much as I’d want to help. If someone asks for my help, I won’t hesitate, but it’s not a call I get to make on my own.”

“I’m not helping with your nightmares anyway.” Kokichi gave Kaito a long look, before it softened into worry. “...but as your partner, and your friend…it worries me. Seeing you so tired all the time, and just…stressed out and anxious at night… Feeling you get up regularly in the middle of the night… I’m worried, Kai-chan. People need sleep, and they need restful sleep.”

“If there’s something you can do to help yourself, I’m in support of it,” he said softly. “I understand you not wanting to take sleep aids. But, I’m worried… We said we’d stay here, right?”

Kaito winced at that. Kokichi had promised not to go where Kaito couldn’t follow… and Kaito supposed that meant he had agreed to the same. This didn’t feel like the same thing, he didn’t think of it as him being self destructive, he just… what if they needed him? What if something went wrong? He had seen what medication had done to Shuichi, you couldn’t keep him awake for anything, and so often Kaito had found himself with Kokichi in his arms, running downstairs as fast as he could… how could he do that doped up on sleeping medication…

What if they needed him…

…but god, he was tired. All the time. He just lived with it, it was a constant now. He felt older. He felt like his skin was stretched uncomfortably over him, he sometimes felt lethargic and unfocused and, just, sad for no reason, and as someone who usually had difficulty feeling his emotions in a reasonable way, it was saying something when he said he felt emotional these days. Everything set him off, one way or another. 

The nightmares weren’t helping. The lack of sleep wasn’t helping. Kokichi was going to make it to eighty, but… who was gonna needle his husband to take his medication and keep track of where his glasses were and walk really slowly with him around the park if not his Kaito? 

Could Kaito make it to eighty, if he kept going like this?

“...” Kaito swallowed, looking uncomfortable, “... can we put a bell or something, outside of our door? With, like… a rope on the inside of it or something?”

“What?” Shuichi said, raising an eyebrow, “Why?”

“Cause Kokichi screams when he needs help. Which is fine when he can, but if something happens and he can’t scream with his very impressive vocal range, and I’m fucking dead to the world on sleeping tablets… I know it’s unreasonable. That it might not even help in a worst case scenario. I just… I get so scared Kokichi, or you, Shuichi, are going to be hurt and need someone and I just… won’t be there…” Kaito shugged weakly, looking tired, “There’s no way to keep you guys perfectly safe. But it’d make me feel a little better, to know you weren’t relying on having to scream your heads off.”

Kaito didn’t have the same risks he had. He was fit with a better than average immune system, and even if he suddenly started eating poorly and taking up a less active lifestyle, Kaito would probably keep chugging onward for a long time. But there were things that would cut anyone down, regardless of how healthy they were. 

So…it sucked seeing Kaito not take care of himself. And a little insulting. All these months sleeping like crap, every time he insisted on staying away to stay with someone, every time he said he didn’t need to see a healer… It was horrible seeing Kaito put himself at risk like that. 

And it wasn’t like Kokichi didn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to take the aids. Even outside of anxieties, it wasn’t a good feeling to know you wouldn’t wake up or be alert if you needed to be. There could be other side effects that Miss Crystal had gone over with Kaito. 

But Kaito needed to choose something, because going on like this…just wasn’t an option. Not if Kokichi didn’t want to lose his husband. 

“Yeah,” Kokichi nodded, as he said softly, “Yeah. We can figure out a system so we’ll be able to easily get help if something happens. If it’ll put you more at ease? We’ll find something that works.”

“Okay… though, I guess thinking about it, Kokichi can just send mind message whenever he wants.” Kaito remembered, “So… a bell for Shuichi?”

“If Kokichi is the one in trouble, he might not think to send a mind message?” Maki pointed out, never one to not be up to overthinking safety features, “Though, if he was panicking, it’d probably be easier to send a mind message than it would be for him to think to pull a rope anyway.”

“I’m not against some sort of easy to push announcement thing for myself, like a bell. I imagine in practice it’ll just be a convenient way to call Maki over in a hurry, if I don’t feel like knocking on her door.” Shuichi mused, smirking as Maki pushed him lightly against his shoulder. “But mind messages seem most convenient for Kokichi.”

“Maybe even if I was asleep, Kokichi could just, like… puppet my body? To get him to medical? Like he did with Ikou when he was a kid?” Kaito theorized… before looking curiously at Kokichi, “Have you ever done anything like that before? Consciously?”

“Kokichi can puppet people?” Maki asked, raising an eyebrow.

“According to Ikou? Yes.”

“How do doorbells work? Maybe a doorbell would work…” Kokichi hummed, now thinking up a new project. It’d probably be even easier to slap a button than it would be to pull a rope, in the absolute worst circumstances. In times he could only function with panicked survival instincts? It would likely be more concise even if Kokichi managed to remember how to send intent. 

Though…he did tend to do a lot of weird things when he wasn’t thinking about it. 

Groaning, Kokichi let himself fall backwards onto the roof, feeling the sun shine down onto his whole body. “Don’t even ask me how all that works, ‘cause I have no idea. I did some freaky stuff as a little kid, but I don’t remember any of it, and even trying to figure out how I would approach something like it now? I have no clue.”

Lifting his arms to reach towards the sky, Kokichi gave Kaito a look. “...I think Miyako’s been doing something…at least in the same vein with you. Just…demanding with her intent that she wants something, so you start to do it. Unless you’re just spacing out on your own terms sometimes before going over to her, without her fussing at all beforehand.”

Kaito’s brain had briefly started wandering, thinking about… Kokichi puppeting him… was that sexy? It wasn’t not sexy…

But before Kaito’s brain could start to rev up on that idea, Miyako’s name and doused him under a cold dose of non-sexy water, giving his husband a concerned look. “Uh, I mean… sometimes I feel like I can guess when she needs me before she does. Normally I’d say that’s all there is to it, but… she is a psychic magic baby, so maybe we can assume that if something weird seems like it’s happening, it probably is.”

Dr. Mariah glanced up at the sky’s lighting, before pulling out her pocket watch and considering the time, “... we have two options. One option is we finish the session at the normal time today, if you all are feeling more grounded. I do not recommend it. The second option is we break soon and you all get something substantial to eat or drink, and you come back. It’s still early for you to eat, but I feel like we’ve reached a good ‘processing’ moment for the group. You all should enjoy it. But that said… we haven't talked much about the incident from a few days ago that stressed the group out so much. We’ve talked around it, I understand it consists of Kokichi remembering what happened and Kaito feeling betrayed to have not been told sooner. And you all understanding where each other was coming from is a huge step in the right direction… but we really should explore it more. And that may get emotional.”

“Knowing where I eventually plan to steer this conversation again? What would you all like to do?” Dr. Mariah asked.

That might be all it really was. Less puppeting, but just…messing with someone’s priorities to the point they did what you wanted. Which was still puppeting, in a sense, but it wasn’t directly controlling another person’s body. Which Kokichi couldn’t even fathom doing. 

…honestly, Kokichi was feeling a lot better about…everything. He had really messed up, had disregarded his husband in an awful, painful way, but…Kaito was going to give him another chance. One he didn’t deserve, but…one nonetheless, and Kokichi wasn’t going to spurn it. His husband didn’t hate who he was, what he was, and…they would be able to figure out life together. They would be able to raise their daughter together. 

But they had agreed to stay as long as they needed to, and there was still a lot more to get to. 

Giving his arms one more stretch towards the sky, Kokichi sat back up, looking at the others. “Let’s go get food? I think I’d get too sleepy if we got ramen… Ya wanna get gyros or something?”

“I could do gyros. We can get a message sent to the castle that we’re gonna be late too, give everyone a heads up.” Kaito agreed, stretching his neck a little until he heard a little pop, “Did you guys want to get some sort of dessert too? We could gnab something like that too. Would you want us to bring you something Dr. Mariah?”

“Kaito, you’re becoming part of the problem.” Maki warned, “Stop trying to soothe their bad days with sweets. We have to get them in shape.”

“Is this a bad day? I’m feeling pretty good about things, honestly.” Shuichi said, watching Maki stand up and holding his arms up to her, “Help.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“Perish.”

“Bitch.”

“Whiner.”

“Heartless.”

“Layabout.”

“Makiiiiiii.”

“Fine.” Maki said, giving Shuichi a hand up, cheeks puffing when Shuichi let her take most the weight in the pull, “You get more bratty every day.”

“Kokichi is a bad influence.” Shuichi smirked.

“Kokichi isn’t a brat.” Kaito insisted, going back to hugging his husband, now that they were taking a break, “Shuichi is his own bad influence.”

“Kaito!”

“What? I love it!”

“I don’t need a pastry, no. Thank you Kaito.” Dr. Mariah said. “You all go, talk, relax. We’ll continue this in an hour.”

Kokichi hummed happily. “A lot of gyro places have really good baklava… It’d be a nice little treat to get. I might just get a lemonade or something, though, to get something sweet and a drink. Mmmm, strawberry lemonade.”

Of all the reasons he wasn’t in shape, Kokichi didn’t think it was the sweets. While his health had been peaky lately he hadn’t been doing his usual exercises, but…even the small sets of squats or wall push-ups wasn’t really the same as training. Once they got back to it? Kokichi would be happy to get some proper exercise in. Even if Maki’s version sometimes made him want to lie down on the grass and never get up. 

Shuuichi would be like that from the start, but the healers had been nudging him to exercise more again. By now, he couldn’t really claim recovery time to get out of it. 

“I am a brat,” Kokichi continued in his hum, hugging Kaito back before taking his hand and leading the way back downstairs. “See you, Dr. Mariah! Alright, do we wanna check in at home in person? And just have one of us wait for our orders? Or we could probably find a phone somewhere to call in…”

“If we’re talking about the usual Gyro place, I can run to the castle and meet you all there pretty quickly. It’d save us going around begging for telephone access.” Maki offered, adjusting her skirt slightly.

“Oh, if we’re talking actual running, let me go with you. I feel like a tightening wire, a little jog could help.” Kaito said, looking down at Kokichi and taking his hand, giving it a small kiss on the back of it as he said, ”That alright with you? We won’t take long?”

“I won’t take long. Kaito might struggle to keep up.” Maki said, in between relaying to Shuichi what she wanted him to order for her.

“Pfff, I can keep up.” Kaito said, squaring his shoulders, eyebrow twitching. “Just don’t pull that dirty ‘jumping on the roof’ trick!”

“Rooftops faster. Not a trick, just a strategy.” 

“Fine with me,” Kokichi chimed, getting Kaito’s order as well. “Shuu-chan and I will snag a table for us all. I love you.”

Chuckling at Maki’s mode of efficiency, Kokichi gravitated towards Shuuichi, taking his hand now that he had been abandoned by Kaito. Too cruel a world, surely. And, as their groups split up, Kokichi tilted his head affectionately onto Shuuichi’s shoulder as they walked to the shop they had in mind. 

“...you know, they totally left us without nutritional supervision. We could buy whatever we wanted without someone griping over our shoulders… It’s quite a lot of power, given so freely.”    

“Mmmmm, we can risk it, but I guarantee you Maki is keeping score. We’ll pay for it in laps eventually, and I don’t have ‘being pregnant’ as a good excuse anymore to just walk.” Shuichi pouted, squeezing Kokichi’s hand lightly, “That said… that is future-Shuichi’s problem…”

-

They just walked quickly, at first. It was a public space, and people didn’t move very quickly here, it was rare to see someone running from place to place in the market, and Kaito and Maki weren’t looking to draw too much attention to themselves.

But there was a silence between them, and it hung heavy for a moment, until… “I notice you’ve been back to the skirts lately?”

“Pants are terrible for concealing knives. Mr. Nekomaru was right on that one. I got frustrated having to limit what I could carry.” 

“Well, I like the new style. It’s not like you’ve gone back to ‘cutsey’, ya know, it’s–”

“Sexy?”

Kaito hesitated. Maki started walking quicker. Kaito sped up to keep up, his longer legs making it not terribly difficult, though Maki increased the speed as he kept up, causing them to have to dodge and weave around slower pedestrians ahead of them. “Um, yeah? I mean, like, in a… ‘Maki’ way?”

“What’s that meant to mean?” She walked faster. Her hair was starting to blow back, bouncing around her ears.

“Ya know! That, like… danger-girl thing you got– hey!” Kaito huffed as Maki bolted into a run, dodging and weaving through the crowd effortlessly as Kaito stepped towards the middle roads, where it was a little clearer, people tending to not crowd it too densely in case a carriage needed to push through, though Kaito still had to shout, “Excuse me, pardon!” as he just barley managed to not bowl people over, “Maki, slow down!”

“Not a chance.” Maki muttered, seeing the paths open up ahead and, to keep her advantage, jumping onto a low wall fence, using that to cling onto a drainpipe and climbing up that, disappearing up onto the roofs. Kaito watched her do it and huffed.

“Not that easy,” He growled, veering down one of the alleys of the building, jumping crates and dodging employees as he ran through the back streets, able to hop the occasional fence. “You can’t keep that up, Maki, you’re gonna run out of building!” He shouted up, having lost sight of her but guessing she wouldn’t veer off course too much by this point.

His guess was rewarded, as eventually the buildings did stop before the hill rise, the roofs now too sparse to use as a path and the parks interrupting the smooth path. Kaito managed to catch a glimpse of Maki jumping from the roof and rolling into another run as he hopped the last fence, growling to himself a little as he used some of that pent up anger to force his legs to move, closing the distance on her. Maki was fast and could move through rougher terrain way easier than he could, but Kaito had pure strength and leg length at his advantage in a straight line, and though his heart was pounding into his throat by the time he caught up, “haa… haaa… I- I thought that was the look you were going for!?”

“So?” Maki said back, having the audacity to barely sound winded. “I’m not angry, I told you I was gonna run.”

“Y-yeah but… haaa– haaa… dammit Maki I wanted to talk to, hfff, to you about something!”

“Then don’t waste time with small talk about my clothes and their apparent ‘only sexy if you think about it a certain way’ style.”

“Whaa? Of course you, auuuuugh, fuck, of course you look good! Hfffff you don’t f-fucking need me to tell you that! You own a mirror!”

“Mind reading, Kaito~” Maki sang song back, the two running full speed up the hill, Maki at least looking a little red in the face now as Kaito huffed and puffed next to her, “I didn’t ask you to say anything.”

“F-fuck… I’m….” Kaito took a deep breath, “I’m worried about this dragon erasing you thing!? Do you need help!?”

They were near the castle, and at that, Maki sighed. Slowing down, easing into a simple walk as Kaito huffed next to her, Maki taking a moment to catch her own breath as they walked, “... yes. That’s why I asked for help.”

“From me?” Kaito huffed, wiping his sweaty face with his arm, giving Maki an exasperated look, “Do you need my help?”

“What can you do?”

“...I don’t know.” Kaito sighed, pulling at his shirt front and airing it out a little, the sweat sticking it to his skin, “Anything? I didn’t know it was happening until, like, an hour ago. That’s… scary. That something that scary has been happening to you and I only just found out about it.”

“Is this about us keeping secrets again? You’ll get more of a chance to cry about that later.”

“Damn it Maki… I want to help you. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me things…”

“...” Maki sighed, running her fingers through her hair, trying to tuck it behind her ears, “It just didn’t come up yet. We weren’t telling you about magic stuff, and when you found out there was a lot of other stuff going on. I would have said something eventually. I wasn’t keeping it from you.”

“... why did you keep this stuff from me, Maki?” Kaito asked, looking to her with something that was more concern than hurt. Genuinely confused, “Kokichi barely knew he had a secret, and Shuichi was keeping Kokichi’s secret. But I’ve been pissed at you in particular for a reason… why on earth wouldn’t you tell me? Especially if you needed help… god, I could at least be someone to talk to, you’re at risk of being erased.”

“...” Maki shrugged, “I haven't wanted to make decisions in a while. Shuichi and Kokichi wanted to keep it a secret, for the reasons you just mentioned and others. Things that made sense in the moment… and it was easier to go along with it. It’s been easy to go along with everything, lately. The guy I put in charge of helping me make hard decisions hasn’t known anything for ages. And, so long as you didn’t know… it was easier to not feel like there was really anything that had to be done at all. I’ve barely thought about all this at all, beyond in the moment to moment.”

“... you’re not okay.” Kaito said softly.

“No.” Maki agreed, “Though, as far as being ‘not okay’ goes, my version of it is pretty easy, all things considered. At least I’m not sick or punching walls. I’m not even in denial, like Shuichi can be. He’s taking all of this amazingly, by the way. Honestly, I think he loves all of this. I haven't seen him this happy with things in a long time, it’s like all this new magic stuff to learn has given him new… purpose. It’s been a relief to watch him get so into it, honestly, since the detective schooling just seemed to frustrate him.”

“It was, wasn’t it… he hasn’t talked about going back in ages.” Kaito murmured, “...well, I’m glad he’s happy. There’s a part of me still struggling to believe it.”

“You haven't seen it with your own eyes.” Maki shrugged.

“What Kokichi did in therapy just now was pretty damn good evidence. But it’s still tough to get my head around, yeah.” Kaito said, looking to Maki, “...I swore to be there for you.”

“You did. I begged you too.”

“...is that why you won’t just use me? Because you had to ask?”

“Because you hate me Kaito,” Maki said, giving him a hard look, “I know that. At least a part of you does. But I’m all broken and I asked you for help and now I’ve got you in this shitty emotional chokehold where I can’t bring myself to ask you for help because I know you hate me, and I can’t bring myself to let you off your vow because I still desperately need it. It’s pathetic and it’s entirely my fault, but here we are.”

“...I don’t hate you.” Kaito muttered, “Me being angry isn’t the same as hate…”

“Maybe you don’t.” Maki said, refocusing on the castle as they approached the gate, “Maybe I just hate me when I look at you.”

“.......” Kaito reached out and grabbed her hand. He squeezed it, hard, when she tried to pull it away. Maki shot him a frustrated look, but sighed. Holding it back as they walked through the gates, no more words to say.

-

While they definitely could defect and get any sort of sweets they wanted, Kokichi more or less stuck with his initial plan, getting a fried eggplant gyro and a strawberry lemonade, though…he did opt for getting a serving of baklava too, offering to share it with Shuuichi. 

Really, he couldn’t blame Maki for thinking he was a vegetarian, all those months ago… He was a glutton for a good grilled fish, and he liked other meats quite a bit, but…in a lot of dishes, the vegetarian option just sounded yummier to him. Plus, he’d found out it tended to put Kaito in a difficult spot trying to chastise him--he was eating veggies, which was their usual bicker match, but Kaito was insistent on protein too. Kokichi tended to eat a fair amount of eggs and legumes, though, so he figured he was alright even when he didn’t eat meat. 

Munching happily, definitely feeling more recharged than he had in days, Kokichi swung his legs idly off the stool-seat at the table they’d gotten, right outside the main windows of the shop. “...so how are you feeling about everything? Think the next part of our session’s gonna be a slog?”

“I don’t know.” Shuichi admitted, sipping at his own drink, doing a little people watching as he leaned back, enjoying the shade of the building after being on the roof so long, “Have you ever noticed we tend to hyper-correct, after a large event? Admittedly, this one has taken a little longer than our other spats, because we basically stopped talking to each other for a moment there, but now that we are… we do tend to handle extreme events a lot better than the small, build up over time stuff. Now that we’ve gotten past the initial shock factor, the rest of this therapy session might honestly be a breeze.”

“I think when it comes to big blow up stuff, we’re likely past the worst of it.” Shuichi clarified, peering at the young man, maybe even a teenager, writing vigorously in a notebook across the street. Shuichi wondered what he was writing. Maybe school work? Lack of textbooks nearby suggested no… “What do you think?”

“That’s true…” Kokichi hummed, following Shuuichi’s gaze out to people watch. It was nice, doing this… Getting outside. Having the guilt and worry of a year’s creepings be taken off his shoulders, and for the stuff that was still relevant, into his hands. Hopefully his sunscreen was going to hold up through the rest of the session. 

“I know I’ve been focused a lot on me…I didn’t even know that Maki-chan was worried.” He frowned softly, knowing that she’d chosen not to tell him, but…still. It was a lot and he should’ve had some inkling. “But…I still have so much to get through. And…I’m not even really sure what to say for some of them…”

Taking a small breath, Kokichi took another swig from his lemonade. “...but we’ll be alright. We’ll listen to each other and try to understand and…learn how to be better. And it’ll be okay.”

Silence fell for a moment before Kokichi looked over, giving Shuuichi a sweet look. “...Miya’s really, really cute. And absolutely believes she’s the center of the universe.”

Shuichi smiled, about to nod absentmindedly, assuming Kokichi just meant in general… before he looked mildly startled, dismissing his idle analysis of the young writer across the street as he looked over at Kokichi. “Wait, as in… what do you mean? In her mind?”

Kokichi hummed softly in the affirmative. “A lot of her thoughts are just…simple emotions and immediate wants--she is a baby, still. But she’s really cute… I stayed with her once, when she was getting fussy at nap time, and we watched…well, it just kind of looked like colored lights, but I think it was her mobile.”

Kokichi’s smile got gooier, just absolutely adoring. “I talked with her, like I usually do, mentioned that it was nice… And she felt that it was nice too.”

Shuchi’s eyes widened at that, looking dazzled… before he groaned. Lowing his cap over his head as he whined, “I’m so jealous. I want to see young Miss Miyako’s thoughts… she would be adorable. I bet she knows it too. That is a young woman who is going to be immediately aware just how wrapped around her fingers you all are. She’s going to end up so smug… just like her father. I’ll have to teach her how to be smug with dignity…”

“Gotta teach who how to be smug?” Kaito asked, leading Maki to the table. 

“Oh, there you are. Miyako. Kokichi was telling me she’s adorable… what, did Maki get lost?” Shuichi asked, raising an eyebrow at Kaito holding her hand, Maki in turn just shrugging at him.

“Nah, just showing some affection.” Kaito explained, letting her hand go, but to Shuichi and Maki’s bafflement, quickly going to pull out her chair for her, waiting patiently as Maki gave him a somewhat embarrassed, somewhat angry look, just grinning back at her… before snickering as she gave in, sitting down at where they had left her food for her, Kaito giving her a small kiss on the back of her head before going to sit down himself, “Yessss, they had the weird super tiny sliced pickle things, awesome. Thanks guys. Miyako’s smug and adorable?” He asked, getting into his food.

Kokichi snickered, delighted. Honestly, one day bringing his partners to Miya’s mind would be a nice middle ground to learn how to better control the whole bringing people around thing. As long as it was one at a time? Kokichi already could stabilize surface consciousness alright, and he wouldn’t have to really stabilize or bridge Miyako, since she was an Empath too. There would still be some finagling, but…it would be possible, and likely before she was five. Only Kokichi and Miyako may be Empaths, but they could have a connection their whole family could share. 

Turning as Kaito and Maki arrived, Kokichi raised his eyebrows but smiled at the affection Kaito was showing…and the lack of true bristling from it on Maki’s end. Whatever they ended up talking about on their trip to the castle…it was good. 

“The smuggest and most adorable,” Kokichi nodded. “She knows what total suckers we are for her, Kai-chan, and she barely has memory retention. I was just telling Shuu-chan, though, of the time we were chillin’ out during nap time once. It was…almost like having a real conversation… She really is so sweet.”

“Wait, wait, what!?” Kaito shouted, mouth full of food, though he quickly choked it down, “Miyako’s talking!?”

“I think she’s ‘thinking’.” Maki pointed out, tearing her Gyro into pieces, much like Shuichi had, though he had cut his with a knife and Maki was perfectly content to do it with her fingers, “I haven't thought about it myself, but it makes sense Kokichi could do that. I imagine Miyako’s capable of understanding things that other infants couldn’t begging to grasp either, considering she has an additional sense to utilize. Miyako’s going to have quite the advantage in school.”

“Oh, god, how are we going to convince her not to cheat? She can literally take the answers out of the teacher's head.” Kaito realized all of the sudden, brow pinching, though he quickly shook it off as he said, “But you can understand Miyako!? Are we doing anything wrong? Is she scared of anything that we haven’t noticed yet? What does she think about me!? Does she like me??”

Kokichi smiled softly, about to correct himself, though Maki beat him to it. And…huh. Yeah. Even if not for things like math or reading, having a sense of ego in the context of the world, and being able to recognize ‘other’ in it? She would rocket ahead of her peers in that way. 

…he had been a quick learner, in school. 

“That, and a lot of things, are gonna be up to us to influence her morals,” Kokichi hummed. “I’m calling it now, teaching her about the concept of privacy, and why it should be respected is going to be quite a trial.”

“...but yeah,” Kokichi smiled sweetly, reaching out under the table to gently tap his foot against Kaito’s leg. “I can understand her, and she can understand me--to a point, at least. And…she seems like a normal, happy baby. Of course she gets mad when she’s hungry and we’re not already feeding her, or if she’s bored but the person she wants to play with--you, hun, in that specific example--is sleeping, but those are more her not really getting that we’re actually not robots without our own consciousnesses made only to serve her,” Kokichi rolled his eyes with a fond smile. 

Though, right after, he leaned forward with an adoring look. “Hun, she adores you. She…she calls you ‘Red’ now, I think? She used to call you ‘Big Heat’--she loves how warm you are and how you spoil her,” he softly laughed. “She doesn’t have much of a concept of us as people yet, so…basically the more we can do for her, the more positive opinion she has of us.”

Kaito lit up at that, looking entirely too pleased that his daughter found him an adequate server-bot. Hell yeah! He was out there, doing it! Being Big Heat! Red! Whichever, they’d work their way up to ‘dad’ someday! 

Shuichi, in turn, gave a little snorting laugh, “I won’t ask what she thinks of me, I’ve seen the looks she gives me when I pull something she shouldn’t put in her mouth out of her hand. If babies knew curse words, she’d absolutely curse me out.”

“Nooooo, she loves dada. Does she love dada? She’s gotta, he’s amazing.” Kaito reassured, looking between them all as he said, “If I’m ‘Red’, I bet Maki’s Brown, Shuichi’s Blue and Kokichi’s Purple. Oh, and Tim would be Orange! Awwww, my baby girl, coming up with cool nicknames already. Just like dad~” Then, thinking about it, Kaito said, “We have to introduce her to Addason. If she’s capable of even limited communicating, she and Addason would do wonders for each other, development wise. They can practice on each other. Right?”

“She loves you too, even if you’re far more responsible,” Kokichi cooed, nudging his arm against Shuuichi’s for a moment. Though, he looked a little amused as Kaito listed off her nicknames. “Actually,” he said in a softer voice, “She calls Maki-chan Dragon. The rest of us have gone through a few name changes, but Maki-chan’s stuck around.”

It made sense. While the rest of them were subject to Miyako’s increasingly developing powers of observation, Maki had been there from the start in full form. 

The reason she was there, though…

Kokichi hummed for a moment, chewing through the rest of his food. “...I think they should, but… It might be something to think a bit on more. For most Flora, Addy included, apparently their…’presence’, I guess, is too weak for the hivemind to notice for about five months. That’s the timeline we were originally all working with, on trying to figure out a way to shield them… I…think it should be okay, but…I don’t want to accidentally alert the hivemind to Addy if Miya talks to him. Just…something to take more caution with.”

“Oh, right… sorry, I was thinking…” Kaito frowned, “I think it’s gonna be tricky for me to keep separating that ‘Flora’ stuff and ‘Empath’ stuff aren’t the same thing. Addason doesn’t have the empa–”

“Shhhhh,” Maki said, flashing her red eyes at Kaito sternly, “We might be mostly alone right now, but keep your voice down in public, and don’t use those words in areas like these. Don’t forget, there are dangers to this. These children are counting on us to be cautious, not to mention that child seated next to you.”

“He’s not a kid, he’s almost twenty-one.” Kaito pouted, leaning over to give Kokichi a quick kiss, before nodding, “But, alright, you’re right… but yeah, Addy might not be where Miyako is at anyway, since he doesn’t share her, uh… reeeaaaading level?”

“Her two month old reading level?” Shuichi asked dryly, “Also, I find it interesting that Miyako can recognize what Maki is, despite her looking so drastically different than the version I know to be in Miyako’s… books? Darn it, Kaito, now that’s stuck in my head, that’s a terrible cover.”

“I must just read the same way to her either way. It’s probably because she wasn’t ‘looking’ at us from the start.” Maki guessed, “‘Big Heat’ isn’t much of a description either. It was just probably the most consistent thing she could recognize a pattern too without really looking at us.”

Kokichi gave Maki a guilty smile. It was a good call to watch their language more in public, but…sometimes it was hard to accurately discuss their points otherwise. Maybe they just shouldn’t have deep discussions in public, but…they were here now. 

…he could just send them intent, but Kokichi could already imagine at least five people scolding him for it. 

Nodding a bit, Kokichi hummed in consideration. “Yeah, like…she’s not actually…’saying’ those words--she’s too young. But…she can feel and see so…she knows base concepts. It’s like we’re speaking a different language, but Miya can show me pictures of what she means, but because I know the words in our language, I just use those when I tell you guys. Like…when she’s ‘talking’ about someone it’s…”

To hell with it.

{Dragon}

“Which…is more than just the word or term, right? She doesn’t even know the concept of, like, other beings. But…I know what she’s ‘talking’ about, so…I ‘translate’ it to that…if that makes sense.”

Shuichi looked intrigued, almost impulsively taking out his journal to jot something down, Maki briefly surprised before nodding, but Kaito flinched, looking around like he was looking for the source of what he had ‘heard’ before realizing it had been Kokichi again and looking a little sheepish. “So that’s what I feel like.” Maki mused, mulling over the concept that Kokichi had just sent to her, “That’s… a bit intense. Though I appreciate that Miyako seems pleased with my presence.”

“Goodness, you’re big.” Shuichi sighed, adjusting his hat a little as he finished writing down as much as he could decipher into words Maki’s ‘description’ as Miyako understood it, closing his journal, “Just a big, protective mass of power, all summed up in the word ‘Dragon’... also, I think I caught a ‘happy dizzy feeling’ there.”

“What can I say? She likes to go upside down. What kid doesn’t?” Maki shrugged, knowing that trick was basically always a winner on little kids, “You alright there Kaito?”

“Yeah, sorry, was a little caught off guard. Babe, didn’t that make you dizzy earlier? Do you only just have lemonade right now, you should be drinking water too… we’ll get you a cup before we go.” Kaito sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“...look, maybe it’s me just… wanting it, rather than it being reasonable?” Kaito conceded, looking around them with increased uncertainty, “...but considering all the weird, like, voices in head stuff that apparently is rife among us… is it possible I don’t hear voices? Even when I was on the poppies? Cause I’m not gonna lie, you guys, your Kaito has heard voices, like… a disproportionate amount of times in his life. Especially when the usual amount is, ya know… zero times. There was just such a long break from it when I turned into a teenager and a young adult… but it was really common when I was a kid, and then it all started back up again here… is that me? Or magic stuff?”

Kokichi hummed, nodding a bit. Miyako’s feelings towards Maki were some really sweet stuff--her feelings for all of them were things that made him feel all soft and gooey inside, really. She was about as self-centered as you could expect from a baby, but…she really did love them. And it was incredible to feel. 

…less, was Kaito’s reaction. 

The water wasn’t really a big deal, but… Kaito told them he was at the finish line of seeing if he was hearing voices in his head. And Kokichi had just…

Kokichi’s eyes widened and he put his hands over his mouth, looking at Kaito alarmed before guilt crept back into his eyes. “Oh…oh fuck, I didn’t…I’m sorry, Kai-chan…”

…he’s not mad at you for doing it. Don’t melt down.

He took a small breath, closing his eyes for a moment before dropping his hands down. “I’m sorry… We agreed that I’d ask before doing stuff… I’ll get in the habit.”

“...it’s possible,” Kokichi muttered softly after a moment. “...considering what Tengan was…it’s possible. If…” Another pause, though Kokichi furrowed his brow, turning towards Shuuichi. “...when you were on poppies, Shuu-chan…did you? Hear voices or…feel like you were a part of something bigger, more than just…the spiritual way? Anything like that?”

Shuichi’s gaze… darkened.

“... I’m not sure.” He admitted, lightly spinning his finger around the brim of the cup, “I’ve told you all before, the memories I have during the worst of it… some of it doesn’t make sense to me. A lot of it feels like fever dreams, and sometimes I wonder if maybe I dreamt up large chunks of it. There was this… I’d almost call it a dream, but I don’t remember many specifics. I just know it was recurring, and it was more this feeling of…”

Shuichi sighed, rubbing his temple lightly, “It’s a little gross, saying it aloud. It was a very, uh, ‘sensual’ feeling. It was like… I was one part of some greater, sensual whole. An echo chamber of my own feelings, reflected back to me eight-fold. It was disturbing… but there was almost something nice about it. I felt… understood. It was comforting. I felt adored… like I was a part of something greater than me that loved me, exactly as I was…”

“...see? It’s so vague, it makes no sense to say it aloud.” Shuichi sighed, “It was such a clear feeling that I can’t dismiss it entirely as being nothing but me being loopy, but it wasn’t exactly ‘voices’ either. Just a feeling that I wasn’t alone.”

“...oh!” Kaito said, eyes widening, before lowering his voice as he said, “Do you think, on poppies, like… you join, uh, the ‘book club’--”

“Really?” Maki said dryly.

“--at least on some level? I mean, if they let you give birth to little readers…”

“... a man I met called me a ‘seedling’, once.” Shuichi said, not certain if he had ever told any of them about Bear. He honestly couldn’t remember. The lack of concern on Maki’s face at the mention of it made him think he had probably told her at some point, likely when he was recovering at least. “He said I was perfect. That I was ready to pollinate. He said he could smell it on me… I remember trusting him almost instantly. That could just have been me being extremely high on literature,” Shuchi said, smiling a little wryly at that, while Maki just sighed, “But if he was another reader, it could have just been I could feel that he was ‘one of mine’, so to speak–”

“Whoever this fucker is is not one of yours.” Kaito growled, his expression flashing dangerously.

“Was. Was one of mine. When my priorities were different.” Shuichi quickly agreed, giving Kaito a soft look, “Not anymore.”

Kokichi crossed his arms on the table and slotted his chin where the junction was, thinking. A sensual, mental echo chamber…could just be the drugs. Just angling Shuuichi even more towards having sex. And…well, loneliness wasn’t exactly a feeling that tended to rev people up--just the release of it into having someone. 

But the fact of…probably a Flora? Seeing that Shuuichi was ready to…well, having a little Flora of his own… If it was by scent, then that didn’t mean anything, but…Shuuichi trusting him…even if it was just the drug switching around his instincts…

“...I don’t think that’s really enough to tell…” Kokichi frowned, “But…it does still open up the possibility. Of…those people that are in that big book club being able to connect in…some way with people on poppies… It’s still possible…”

Kokichi looked up to Kaito. “...do you think Thalia would know?”

Because…if it all was true and connected? Then Kaito might’ve not been hearing voices…ever. 

“HA HA YOU MEAN T…TAHANI??”

“Kaito, that is so much worse than literally everything we just did, if you weren’t practically pressed up against Kokichi I’d stab you in the thigh.” Maki snarled, while Shuichi just lightly nodded at the people walking down the sidewalk who gave them startled looks, even writing boy across the street looking up briefly before returning to his work. “Don’t shout.”

“Sorry, sorry, sorry.” Kaito winced, looking a little embarrassed, “I just… I promised Tah… what did I say… Tahani? I promised her none of this would get back to her. She risked a lot, talking to me and telling me even what she did. I don’t want to punish her kindness, ya know?”

“She would know, wouldn’t she… now that we’re all on the same page, we really should sit down and speak with Miss Tahani at length. She holds a lot of answers for us, and I think it’s safe to say that those answers might mean more to us than we all collectively realize. Kaito’s been off medications he might need for months because of the influence not knowing these things has had on him, if we’re right about this. And, honestly, I have some questions about poppies that she could clear up for me… it’d be foolish not to interroga–”

“Ask.” Kaito insisted.

“-- ask her now, now that we’re all caught up.” Shuichi said, sipping at his water a bit. “There’s lots of things I want to know now, that could give all of us closure on things. Since apparently we’re all literally neck deep in… the fantasy section. Of the library. We need to think of better codes.”

“Why, this one is so apparently intuitive.” Maki said, finishing her gyro, “Don’t fix what isn’t broken.”

Kokichi startled a little at Kaito’s volume, and…well. He hadn’t been speaking very loudly at all, and with how overly convoluted they were speaking about everything, he didn’t think saying her name was much of a giveaway, but… She had been risking a lot to talk to them. To go out of her way on her own terms to talk to Kaito, trying to give him a heads up without talking about magic folk--that, more than anything else, was a grand act of bravery. But, also to indulge him and Temp visiting her mind, when she had been creating strong barriers probably her whole life to prevent people from doing that. 

He owed her a little more secrecy. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Kokichi said softly. “...it’s harder being subtle about everything now that I actually remember… “

“...I can ask her to have a meeting sometime at home. Getting an update about how the garden’s going,” Kokichi nodded, confident that that would be a sufficient answer for more curious minds. “Then we can ask for some clarification.”

“Perfect. She’ll do it. Tahani’s a good one, I have a lot of faith in her.” Kaito said, nodding with total certainty, “She just needs us to keep in mind her enemy.”

Maki and Shuichi glanced at him, then at each other, sighing. Another sidekick added to the pile. Kaito was slower to do it here than he had ever been back in Luminary, but Seiko now had a peer, apparently.

Finishing up his own food, he thumped his chest a few times, letting out a small breath of air as he allowed himself to indulge in the satisfying feeling of being full on a meal he had enjoyed, “...you guys ready to head back soon? Our mysterious Dr. Mariah wanted us back in an hour. If we start heading back now, we won’t have to hurry.”

“Feeling tired from trying to keep up with me earlier?”

“Please, I could do that run again five more times, no sweat!”

“Only five? Pathetic.”

“Ten!”

Considering her enemy was Miya’s too, Kokichi didn’t think that it’d slip their minds. Granted, the only other Flora he knew was their ambassador but…well. He’d just show more discretion in public, going forward. 

Slurping down the last of his lemonade, Kokichi nodded, sorting out the remnants of their…mid-afternoon meal, he guessed, to throw into the proper receptacles. “I don’t think I’m quite up to running around yet. And I’d rather walk on my own than have Kai-chan carry me more. We have everything we came with? Sunglasses, loose coins, pens…?”

“Alright, let’s go.”

-

Kokichi was still feeling far better heading up the stairs than he had the first time. He’d screwed up a lot. Had far looser lips than was appropriate, though…spending months speaking freely about everything when he could was pretty habit forming, he guessed. But they’d be okay!

They’d be okay.

“We’re back!” he chirped, giving their therapist a grin before heading to his egg. As nice as the proximity had been, after being in the shade during their meal, Kokichi was eager to escape back into it. The weather was still nowhere near how it’d been during the wave, but summer was hot. And the shade would probably save him if his sunscreen had already. 

“We talked a little while we were out--should we do a recap?” Kokichi glanced to the others, gauging their reactions. 

“Ummmm…” Kaito rubbed the back of his neck, glancing between his family, “...Maki and I talked about some stuff… ‘Kichi talked about some stuff with us… we talked about… cute baby stuff. Kokichi can kinda talk to the baby.”

“That’s exciting.” Dr. Mariah said, “But that’s all very vague. Are you nervous, Kaito?”

“No, no, not really… sorry, I’m not entirely clearly on what we’re meant to keep private and what we’re okay to tell you, so I don’t want to overstep… I don’t want to put Maki in a tough spot, and we have this friend named Tahani… Tahani Babliarough… the third…of the Maguire House…”

Shuichi narrowed his eyes, “Kaito. Focus.”

Kaito blinked, having gotten slightly caught up trying to imagine who ‘Tahani’ was and getting a little lost in it. “Oh, right. Yeah, I don’t know what we’re all okay talking about.”

“... I think we just need to be okay talking to Dr. Marah about any of this,” Maki said after a moment, “And dealing with the consequences if she proves to be unreliable. She’s sworn to secrecy, and this is a trial, trying to dance around subjects.”

…hm. Honestly…while they had already referred to Thalia as a friend, they…didn’t really need to mention her at all this time--simply saying that they were planning on learning more about Flora would summarize what they’d talked about for therapy purposes. But everything else was…far more vague than Kokichi thought they needed to be. 

But maybe that was just his own perspective, feeling that certain things needed to be said and others not. And…honestly, the more they could be open with Dr. Mariah about, the easier a time she would have helping them sort out their issues. 

Still, Kokichi sighed softly. “...I think you’re right, but…I’m still not super comfortable talking candidly about the stuff I said I didn’t want to mention before.”

“That’s fine, so long as the details don’t conceal or suppress extremely difficult topics with each other that if left alone will result in resentment, dysfunction, or abuse.” Dr. Mariah said easily, once again comfortably crossing her ankles as she gave them all even looks, “Which, I feel like you all already know that. But for clarity’s sake, that is what I mean when I say you all need to be open with me. Privacy and discretion for the sake of others is understandable and admirable. Secrets that put any or all of you under undue stress or bearing a disproportionate amount of emotional burden are deceptive and abusive.”

Kaito winced. God, he hated that word.

“Harsh.” Shuichi said, giving Dr. Mariah a confused look, “Are you cross with us?”

“Not at all.” Dr. Mariah said, giving Shuichi a softer look, “I just wanted to be entirely clear about my role here and what, ideally, I expect of all of you. You all don’t need to tell me every little detail of your lives. So long as you’re making a serious effort to discuss difficult topics for each others benefits, you are doing just fine.”

Kokichi nodded a bit, this faire pretty standard, for all that he was horrible at judging which secrets were what. 

Maybe one day it would be more prudent to talk about Temp, if Kaito and Shuuichi and Maki were feeling strained by Temp keeping Kokichi’s Empathy a secret, or the fact that they had known him as Temp, cool guy and gravesite manager first, rather than Bathul’s Templar. But…for now?

They didn’t need to talk about Addason, they didn’t need to mention Temp or Thalia by name. Just like they didn’t need to talk about Shuuichi’s source for learning what he had about Flora too. 

Nodding slowly, Kokichi looked at the others again. “...I don’t think not mentioning the others sorta involved with all this by name is putting stress on anyone… Does it feel that way for any of you?”

A series of shaking heads…

“...I kinda want to talk about Maki.” Kaito admitted. 

“Why? It was you and Kokichi’s relationship that nearly exploded, we should focus on that.” Maki said dryly, not looking forward to exploring that they had talked about.

“No, cause… I mean, yes. Kokichi and I’s relationship has a lot we need to talk about.” Kaito admitted, giving his husband a brief look, before refocusing, “But… look, okay, so, Shuichi and Maki–”

“Wait, how did I become a part of this?” Shuichi asked, looking startled.

“--have been such shits to me lately… but I’m starting to think that maybe that’s not, like, just their own fault… like, okay, beyond external factors? Which I know has always been a thing, I understand that, but…” Kaito huffed, “It’s occurred to me, again, cause this isn't even a new idea, but… I’ve not been a good friend to you guys. For a long time. If you’re treating me like shit, it’s because I’ve been treating you like shit, and I need to fix how I’ve been behaving before I can get all hopped up and on my high horse about how you guys treat me.”

“Mmmmm, that statement is more true than it is false, so we’ll come back to why that’s incorrect later,” Dr. Mariah said, tilting her head slightly and pushing up her glasses, “But let’s focus on the parts of that which are accurate first. As much as relationship therapy can be about focusing on each other, and communication, I don’t think it’s terribly surprising for at least three of you, our individual therapy go’ers, to hear me say that one of the biggest lessons therapy has to offer people is the idea of self-agency and self-growth. The greatest leaps of success when it comes to personal relationships usually stem from self-reflection and self-correction.”

“Right. So… if my relationship with my best friend and my boyfriend is struggling? I gotta recognize what parts of that are me, right?” Kaito said, “And I gotta work on that.”

“To a certain extent? Yes.” Dr. Mariah agreed… before adding in a rush, “And again we will discuss more the issues with that later.”

Kokichi gave Kaito a tired, but understanding and acceptingly optimistic look as he nodded. They had a lot of work to do in understanding each other and communicating better. They’d taken strides! But they needed more not to deeply hurt each other. 

And…though sometimes issues came up because of one person’s actions…usually there was work to be done on all sides. And…the greatest strides usually came from understanding yourself better. 

There were probably things Kaito could work on, when it came to their relationship, but…that wasn’t to discount the work the rest of them needed to do too. And while Maki was sharing more these days…she did tend to prefer not to disclose anything vulnerable. 

Nodding a little to himself, Koichi looked between Kaito and Maki. “...alright. Then…what do you wanna talk about, about what you guys talked about together?”

Maki sighed, waiting for Kaito to talk about how she hadn’t told him that she was in danger of being erased in the most existentially terrifying way possible and why hadn’t she come to him for that…

“I make Maki hate herself.” Kaito said uneasily, fussing with his hand joints, “Like, just looking at me makes her feel worse about herself, apparently. And that’s not… what I want.”

“...but at the same time, there’s an ugly, mean side of me that knows that’s exactly what I wanted.” Kaito said softly, his shoulders tensing as regret pinched his face, “I wanted it right until she told me it was happening, and I just… had to face how much I had wanted it, and how shitty it felt to have it.”

Maki sighed, looking annoyed as she said, “You don’t ‘make’ me feel anything. You’re not in control of my feelings, Kaito. And I was… just talking nonsense, I got caught up in the momen–”

“You don’t usually lie about your feelings, so I know that you believe what you’re saying right now. But you’re wrong, you were being honest before too and–”

“If I’m not lying now and I wasn’t lying then, then one of those are still true, and as the person in actual charge of my feelings I’m saying my interpretation is righ–”

“Damn it Maki can’t you just let me–”

“There we go,” Dr. Mariah said triumphantly, pulling out the lollipops, “Found them. They were in an inner pocket, I couldn’t feel them through the padding of the ribbons. Don’t get up, I’m coming to you.” She said, standing up from her egg and heading to Kaito and Maki to deliver their lollipops.

“Damn it, this again,” Kaito muttered, looking between the variety of lollipops being offered and sulkily accepting a strawberry one. “We weren’t interrupting each other that much…”

Despite his efforts towards being more stable these days, Kokichi’s face fell as Kaito started up, his heart breaking. Not enough to send him into tears again, not enough where he ached painfully for Maki, but…enough that it did hurt to hear. 

He knew Maki wasn’t exactly proud of all the things she’d done--if she was, they would have a harder time getting along--but…he’d always seen her as being able to move forward from it. To accept that the past was done, and there was no longer anything she could do to change it, so it was better to put her efforts towards the future…though…she didn’t exactly have a future effort to put things towards right now. 

But even Maki couldn’t stop herself from having emotions. 

…he thought Maki was right. Kaito couldn’t make her feel anything. Just like Kokichi couldn’t trick people into loving him. But…he could serve as a reminder of more painful things. And…there was plenty for Maki to regret, when it came to things involving Kaito. 

Kokichi looked between the two of them, reluctantly accepting the lollipops, and he thought. “...it’s okay, if you were caught up in the moment, before,” she started slowly. “But…is there anything you’d want to clarify from it now?”

Maki took a magenta lollipop, and had no idea what flavor it was other than ‘sugar’, which she let sit in her cheek as Dr. Mariah went back to her seat, pocketing the other lollipops. She gave Kokichi a dry look, before glancing at Dr. Mariah, swishing the stick in her mouth meaningfully.

“You may go first, Maki.” Dr. Mariah said, looking to Kaito and saying sternly, “And until it’s your turn? Lollipop stays.”

Kaito mumbled indistinguishably around his own lollipop, which valiantly did its job.

“Kaito and I were talking about why I hadn’t gone to him about all of the secrets lately.” Maki said, pulling her own lollipop out and gently spinning it between her fingers, “And it got a little distracted. Basically, I was trying to explain that… well…” Maki pouted, blowing out her cheeks a bit, before getting annoyed with herself. What was she embarrassed about… “I just didn’t see a good reason to disagree with Kokichi and Shuichi–”

“Br’awh!”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” Maki said, before rolling her eyes, “But, fine. I said that I didn’t want to tell Kaito about everything because that would put me in a position where I could tell Kaito about the dragon thing, and how worried I was about that. And I don’t feel comfortable going to Kaito for help, because it’s not fair to Kaito that I keep asking him for help while he hates me right now.”

“Braghl’ff!”

“And Kaito said that he doesn’t hate me, even though that’s an insane thing to say, because obviously he should hate me–”

“We’re all a lot more bitter and vicious against ourselves than we ever are with each other, huh?” Shuichi said.

“Darn it, Shuichi, do I need to pass out more lollipops?”

Kokichi frowned slightly, but just…listened to Maki’s view. She didn’t tell Kaito about Empathy because it made it convenient not to explain the dragon thing, which she was--incredibly understandably--struggling with. And she didn’t want to explain the dragon thing that she really needed help and support with because…she didn’t want to take advantage of Kaito. 

Because despite what she said earlier…Maki wasn’t a heartless, manipulative person. 

He knew it wasn’t fair to point out that Kaito could say no, because they all knew he would never. Kaito made his own choices, but those choice did tend lie towards shuffling aside all his own issues if anyone he cared about gave an inkling that they might need his help. And…Kaito was strained between his anger towards Maki and the promise she’d asked from him. 

…but he didn’t hate her. 

Waiting another beat, not wanting to be another person to interrupt, Kokichi looked back up at Maki. “...so you feel bad about causing conflict in Kai-chan, between his vows and affection for you, and his anger towards your actions?”

Maki glanced over at Kaito, who fumed quietly around his lollipop, licking her own once absentmindedly before nodding, “Essentially. You and I have talked about this before, Kokichi. This, all of this,” Maki pointed back and forth between herself and Kaito with her lollipop, shrugging slightly, “is cruel. It wasn’t even accidentally cruel, there was a very real part of myself that wanted this to be difficult on Kaito. And it is. And the reality that it is only makes the fact that I wanted it worse. By this point, the fact that Kaito insists he doesn’t hate me kind of makes me respect him less.”

“Maki!” Shuichi said, looking genuinely, briefly pissed in Kaito’s defense.

“Not in a ‘I’m ready to dismiss him’ way, in a ‘I want him to respect himself more’ kind of way.” Maki clarified, giving Shuichi a slightly appeasing look, “Honestly, how I feel about Kaito sounds a little similar to how he seems to feel about me… I wanted to hurt him. He’s hurt. Now I feel a bit bad about it, and I don’t want to make it worse.”

“Grr’gm?”

“Yes, Kaito, you’ll get your turn soon. We’re just giving Maki a chance to express her feelings as she understands them first.” Dr. Mariah told him gently, Kaito sighing around his lollipop. Turning back to Maki, Dr. Mariah said, “First of all, what have you done that you felt like was cruel to Kaito, ‘on purpose’?”

Maki hesitated… before trying to tuck her hair behind her ear again, “When I returned from unseating his beloved brother from his throne and getting his sister-in-law and nephew banished from their homes, the first thing I did was pressure Kaito into having to decide if he was going to kill me or not, in front of his extremely pacifistic husband and his pregnant boyfriend who loves me as much as he loves him. Which, let’s be honest, wasn’t giving him a choice at all.” Maki said, looking over to Kaito, clearly now talking to him moe than anything, “I didn’t mean to do that, necessarily. I was a little… delusional and feverish and it felt like it couldn’t wait. But that was still incredibly cruel of me. And then, when I was more rational and less feverish, I asked Kaito to swear to, essentially, put his anger aside to help me through a mental breakdown that has… never quite started, and thus never quite completed. I put him in charge of my mental well-being. Which means for the last few months, Kaito has had to put his own mental well being second, because he swore to put mine first.”

“And even though I knew it was wrong to do that to him? A part of me liked pushing him to make that sort of sacrifice on my behalf.” Maki said softly, “Because I’m still angry at Kaito for things that he and I have never properly talked about either.”

They had talked about it, but…Kokichi was realizing he still didn’t know the full extent. It wasn’t fair, what Maki was doing to Kaito. She desperately needed help, but…at least for a long time, it seemed like he was the only person she’d accept even a little of it from. And paired with everything else…it wasn’t fair to put him at odds with himself. And Maki knew that. And wanted it, right in that same vindictive way that Kaito wanted her to hate herself, but hated seeing her hate herself. 

…but now they had a chance to undo some of that knot, and…actually see how the string was doing. 

Hating yourself because of the shitty stuff you did…wasn’t being aware, or humble. It was making it hard for anyone else to help you. But damn was it hard not to feel that way. 

…it was difficult, airing that sort of stuff out, but…

Kokichi gave Maki a soft look. “...do you want to try and talk about that stuff now?”

Maki hesitated at that. Still spinning the lollipop lightly… “Isn’t it Kaito’s turn? His teeth are going to rot at this point.”

“Gargle some mouthwash tonight, you’ll be fine.” Dr. Mariah said dryly, “And, Kaito will get his turn, but… exploring this feels important, and this seems like the time to do it. I’d strongly encourage you to take the floor that Kokchi’s offered. Kaito was correct, to an extent, that self-reflection and self-correction is the best way to repair a relationship. The only thing ‘off’ about that idea is that, more often than not, the healthiest outcome of repairing a relationship only works when both sides are doing the same level of reflection. Self reflection can always improve our own lives, but relationship improvement tends to require effort from all sides. You need this too.”

“If you meant it, before?” Dr. Mariah said, looking to Maki, “If your and Kaito’s relationship is worth it? If you’ve earned it, and you mean that… then you have to put in the work to preserve it. Especially when that is hard.”

“...” Maki sighed. Licking her lollipop again, “...you know what’s hard? About being a wanna-be revolutionary? About having a bunch of hard theories and ideas and opinions about the society around you and the government and literally everything?”

“The… literal legal oppressions of you expressing that idea as said society’s lowest tier?” Shuichi offered dryly.

“It’s looking at someone who has the actual, literal ability and influence to change all of that stuff, with privileges and resources you can only dream of… and watching him just decide to do nothing.” Maki said, gripping the lollipop between her fingers harder, her expression tightening as her eyes went distant, looking at something none of them could see, “And trying not to hate him for it…”

Kaito winced at that. A small, cracking sound coming from his mouth now as he nervously chewed on the lollipop. 

“...I knew he couldn’t do it. All the things I would do in his position. I knew Kaito well, I knew a good chunk of his life situation, it’s not like I didn’t understand. There were many people in his life that had invested a good amount of time to make him useless and helpless, not wanting to deal with the consequences of another prince willing to throw himself into the political fighting rings. The odds were stacked against him, I knew that. And I…” Maki hesitated, the word familiar to her, easy to use for him, but in the context that she meant it a little harder to say aloud, “... loved him. Which made it easier to forgive him when he messed up, or was ignorant, or unkind…”

“But it was still frustrating. Endlessly frustrating. And there was a part of me that resented him. This soft, helpless child, who had all this power I could only ever dream of having, and watching him do… nothing. Nothing at all with it…” Maki sighed, her face turning stony as she continued, “When I started needing to hide things from him? My plans to finally take real action, in ways that would actually change things? I just resented him more. The more guilty I felt at keeping him in the dark, and my plans to harm him, destroying his family and his social structure? Knowing what it would do to him… I resented that he wouldn’t be happy for me. That he wouldn’t support me. It was all I had ever wanted to do, to finally change things, to do what he couldn’t, even though he could… and I had to hide it from the one person in my life who I always wanted to be able to count on. Who supported me when others wouldn’t. Nothing was more important than what I had been planning for the last few years, and I couldn’t even… tell you about it…”

Maki’s stony expression broke, briefly. An old hurt breaking it… but she took a breath, putting it back in place. “I wanted to hurt you for that. And I hate myself for wanting to hurt you.”

Crack.

“... um, I need a new lollipop.” Kaito muttered, mouth full of shattered lollipop.

…Kokichi had been raised to believe people were equal in all things. Not that disabilities didn’t exist, or that talents were meaningless--there would be countless things that some people could do that others could not. But…when it came down to rights. When it came to a person’s intrinsic value…everyone was equal. By the virtue of being alive, a person was entitled to all the things that allowed them to keep living, and they were entitled paths to enrichment and happiness. Everyone had the capacity to harm or help, and if you nurtured that helping side, people could change. 

He’d grown up hearing that there were always two sides to every story, and that the exceptions to that were far and away extreme cases he’d never have to worry about. 

But the world was much bigger than the castle he’d grown up in. 

And the fact of the matter was…how Kaito and Maki and Shuuichi grew up…wasn’t equal. It didn’t mean that the harm that came to them could be compared against each other, or that Kaito’s pain was worth less--it didn’t mean that Maki was right to resent the fact that Kaito just…happened to be born in a different lot. 

But it did mean the pressures on them were different. 

And despite how much pain it caused Kaito…Kokichi couldn’t bring himself to…even think Maki was wrong to care about other people. To use her anger at their lives to try and fight for something better. And the fact of the matter was, even if they didn’t know it at the time…if Maki had told Kaito about any of the plans? They would’ve been ruined. Because Tengan would’ve found out, without Kaito having to make any sort of decision about it. 

But it still didn’t feel great, on his side. 

But that was something Kokichi could infer. They hadn’t heard Kaito’s side yet. 

Taking a deep breath, he looked to Kaito, before glancing at Dr. Mariah. “...do you need a new one right now?”

“Let’s give it a minute,” Dr. Mariah said, “I know you’re not the biggest fan of sweets, so I won’t make you hold one while you’re talking. Maki, are you ready to take a break from talking?”

Maki sighed, spinning the lollipop through her fingers like she would her daggers, before popping it between her teeth. 

Kaito still had to do the awkward and not entirely pleasant process of breaking down the lollipop enough to swallow it safely, and there was an awkward moment where he just sat there, chewing on this damn lollipop while everyone else quietly waited for him. It got more and more uncomfortable the longer it went on, and Kaito, just to break the silence, started trying to talk through it, “...um…” crunch-crunch, “um, so… yeah, I don’t know–” crunch.

“Kaito, please don’t do that, it’ll drive me crazy.” Shuichi begged. 

Maki got up silently, heading over to the sink and, looking briefly, found a mug left behind. Filling it with water, she went back to Kaito, wordlessly handing it to him.

“Thanks.” Kaito mumbled, crunching some more and then taking a sip, “... I don’t know what to say to all that. What does someone say to that?”

“We’re asking you to express how you feel about it.” Dr. Marah said, “There’s no wrong answers.”

Kaito gave her a blatantly disbelieving look at that. “Uh huh…”

Pressing the mug against his forehead a bit, enjoying its chill in the hot summer sun, Kaito thought about it. “.........a part of me wants to ask what I could have done. But I know that’s a stupid question. There are plenty of things I could have done. Things you would have done in a heartbeat, in my position, Maki… I know that. Besides, that wasn’t even the part that you got emotional about. It wasn’t what I could have done. It’s that I couldn’t support you with what you were doing.”

“‘Couldn’t’?” Maki grumbled.

“Lollipop.” Dr. Mariah reminded her. Maki popped the lollipop back in, looking annoyed.

Kaito stared back at her, expression sort of… empty… before his brow furrowed. 

“Couldn’t… Maki, of course I couldn’t support you. Your entire plan to change things relied on Momota blood. What could I have ever done, said ‘atta girl, go get ‘em’? Would I have even been the guy you wanted to support you, if that impulse came naturally to me? I don’t think it’s me being narcissistic to say that I’m pretty sure one of the reasons you like me so much is because I’m loyal. Take that trait away from me and I’m just a horny, entitled idiot with muscles and sexy facial hair.”

“...but, you already knew I could never support you. Which is why you hid it from me.” Kaito murmured, his expression softening. “That’s not a misunderstanding between us. You didn’t tell me because I wouldn’t support your decisions. And you were right. I wouldn’t of. I didn’t. That’s not a communication issue between us, that’s you just… knowing me well. Looking at me more honestly than I was looking at you.”

“The more I look back at the last few years, the more angry at myself I am, because it was seriously so… expected. Obvious.” Kaito huffed, rolling his eyes, “Of course you wouldn’t leave your siblings behind. You love me, but you’re sworn to them in ways that I wouldn’t even want to compete with. Thinking you’d agree to leave the country with no plan help them, just to babysit my dumb ass? Is so laughably naive and self-centered that I get this hot, sharp feeling of embarrassment in the bottom of my stomach every time I remember that I had actually believed that. It’s so obvious what you would do.”

“Did you really not know?” Shuichi asked.

Dr. Mariah sighed, getting up to bring Shuichi a lollipop.

“Ha. Jokes on you. I wanted a lollipop.” Shuichi said, taking a random lollipop, popping it onto his mouth for a moment before taking it out again immediately, just entirely dismissive of the point as he continued, “That’s the thing about you, Kaito. You know, half the time, I thought you knew? You have this… way of seeming like you know nothing and everything, all at once. You fake being in on things so consistently that a part of me always assumes you’re just nodding along when you agree with stuff, and you’ve always been talented at hiding when you do understand something and don’t want to clue in other people that you’re keeping up, so that same part of me also assumes when you seem confused or like you missed the point entirely, that you’re bullshitting everyone.”

“And… Maki’s plan?” Shuichi said, giving Kaito a probing, insistent look, “She hung it on her wall and called it an art project. Back in Luminary, she and Kaede, our easily most manipulative friend, were spending a ton of time together, especially before we left. The fact that leaving wasn’t a harder decision for Maki because of it meaning to leave her siblings behind… how could you have possibly missed of all of that?” Shuichi searched Kaito’s eyes, and said, realizing this as he said it aloud, “A part of me, even now, thinks you’re bullshitting us… I just can’t imagine why.”

There were very few people who would encourage the mass slaughter of their family. And the types of people who would just…didn’t share those traits with Kaito at all. Kaito wasn’t bloodthirsty or blood’s sake, nor was he wholly unattached from the world. And while…he had been deeply hurt by his family, and could see the terror they inflicted on others…for a long time Kaito had been incapable of thinking about it much, and even after he could, couldn’t find it in himself to hate them. Not really. Asking Kaito to approve the plan was asking him to be another person. And no one had wanted that. 

(There was the fact that Kaede was okay with all of that. And that she, like Kaito, had benefited by the system in place that, even now, with the firm knowledge the program had been publicly dismantled, made Kokichi not trust her. Kaede wasn’t wholly uncaring, nor was she moved and driven by the injustice her family had perpetuated. She just…was ambitious to the point of cruelty. And if the day came where being allied with those who had fought to bring her name higher was no longer the path to power…Kokichi only hoped the rest of the Luminary people would be strong enough to stand against her.)

What had happened was…unfortunately, reasonable. It made sense, with all the players in the game. 

But as for being blindsided by it all…

…Kokichi chewed his lip. Biting back the words, ‘So why did you believe Nao, then?’ Because that wasn’t fair either. 

Still, he softly cautioned, “Shuu-chan.” 

Shuichi raised an eyebrow at Kokichi, looking briefly annoyed at the caution… before his expression softened. “I’m not asking to be unkind, or accusatory. A part of me just genuinely believes Kaito’s lying. Cause Kaito lies. He lies as easily as he breathes, I grew up with him, and I’m a detective, I’ve seen him do it our whole lives. The only thing is– and honestly this is the thing that probably helps his lies more than anything– is that some lies come out of him as easy and as sweet as sugar, and some come out like he is trying to chew on rocks while he talks to you. There are certain lies Kaito can’t tell well. He wears the fact that he’s lying on his face, it’s obvious as the sun. But the rest of his lies? You’d never notice, unless you had seen him do it before.”

Refocusing on Kaito, who stared blankly back at him, Shuichi said, “I think you’re lying. I just can’t figure out why.”

“......” Kaito looked down at his hands, “.......”

“.... I didn’t think it’d be all of them.” Kaito whispered, “I thought maybe she was just after my father.”

There was silence for a moment, before Kaito’s brow furrowed, saying uncertainly, “And… my mind changed all the time on it. I didn’t like to think about it, so more often then not when I was I’d just… decide to think about something else. I’d tell myself that Maki and Kaede would… never actually do it. That they didn’t have it in them… not to kill someone for power, I knew they were both capable of that. But to hurt me. Maki could kill people, Kaede was willing to hurt people and destroy people to get her way, but even when it came to me… when it was my turn, Kaede was kind to me. She did everything she could, to make it easier on me, when… when the insanity rumors were at their worst. She didn’t have to do that, she just cared about me. It would have been easier and quicker just to kill me, but here I am. Alive and healthy and happy… she had made the harder decision before, to not hurt me more than necessary. I thought maybe she’d do it again. And I wasn’t sure Maki could hurt me at all.”

“And, during the days I couldn’t ignore it, when it was impossible to be like ‘yeah, nothings happening’... ya know, I really thought Kaede and Byakuya were friends? I really thought they’d work together, in the end, everyone did. Everyone was hoping that they’d work together. Byakuya and Kaede would have been unstoppable together, I still believe that… they would have done amazing things… and I thought…” Kaito frowned, face increasingly stressed, “... I thought if maybe Byakuya, and Kaede, and Maki had all decided that my father was… bad for the country…”

“It never even occurred to me anyone would kill mom.” Kaito muttered, “Why? The heirs were of age, mom wasn’t anywhere close to next in line. She was harmless, she was just there… there was no benefit to killing her. I don’t understand why she was part of anyone's plan, except maybe Kaede and Byakuya both just didn’t like her, and thought, well, since we’re killing people anyway…”

“If this is true, Kaito, why not talk about this before?” Dr. Mariah asked. “Why wait until you were accused of lying?”

“... I don’t know. I haven't wanted to think about it… I basically decided to look away, when I thought my fathers life was being threatened. I pretended not to know. Because I thought my brother and my cousin and my best friend… I thought maybe they were right. Dad was a difficult person. He didn’t even want to be king… he had just sold me…” Kaito closed his eyes eyes, rubbing them, “... and look what happened. Look what turning my back got me. I picked my brother and cousin over my parents, and they destroyed everything by immediately turning on each other. And Maki and Kaede had never been working with Byakuya. I couldn’t have misread the situation worse. And I spent half the time in denial, and the other half of the time just hoping it was just my father. It’s disgusting… I’m a terrible son. I’m worthless. I could have intervened so many times and I didn’t and now my family is entirely torn apart, and all of us, every single one of us, including me, deserved it.”

Rubbing the mug on his forehead some more, Kaito said, “...it’s nicer. To try to believe I didn’t notice. As hard as that reality is? I like it better than the truth.”

It was but…what Kaito did, Kokichi would hesitate to call it lying. He just…chose a reality he wanted sometimes, and pointed all his effort in that direction, regardless of the twists that actually happened. Or…like what Kokichi was more used to these days, the ‘I’m fine’ lies which… Lies tended to have intent behind them, and while, sometimes, there was the intent of not worrying the rest of them…sometimes they really were just words with nothing behind them. 

And…well…Kaito was only partially lying by Kokichi’s standards anyway. 

He’d had the same thought, when Maki initially explained Kaede’s plan. Why couldn’t it just be Leon? Especially without Tengan there, that was…everyone keeping things how they were. Sure, whoever stepped up would have pressures from others, pressures Kokichi still didn’t really understand, especially when at all other times they’d all described the Luminary king’s power as all-encompassing, but… Surely it didn’t have to be dozens of people dead. 

Surely it didn’t have to be all of Kaito’s family. 

And…even now, Kokichi didn’t believe that it had to be. But…that was what Byakuya chose. And…seeing how Kaito reacted to his banishment, maybe the other options wouldn’t have been good either, for how much Kokichi believed in them. 

Kokichi took a deep breath, trying to live with the harsh prickles of self-hate and helplessness he felt from Kaito. Even feeling exactly what his husband felt…Kokichi still couldn’t truly understand. He’d tried, putting himself in a position where…he knew Aiichi’s life was threatened, because he was a bad leader, and Kokichi wanted to protect and believe in the people who meant him harm…

…but Dicea wasn’t like Luminary, and…Kokichi really couldn’t even conceptualize people trying to kill Aiichi just to get him out of power. 

Maybe that was actually how Kaito had felt. 

Kokichi wanted to argue--Kaito wasn’t worthless, wasn’t a bad son. That Leon had been a horrific father way before Kaito could make any sort of decision. That…was that actually true? Could he have done anything that wouldn’t have immediately resulted in the executions of his best friends and cousin? Kokichi remembered that Kaede’s brother had been executed for…plans against the crown. It wasn’t like Momotas got a free pass. What was anything Kaito could’ve done?

…but none of that felt right to say. Not his place and…maybe just not right at all. 

…he hated having to say over and over that they all had been helpless. He hated saying that not everyone could be brave. 

…he hated the fear in his heart that said if Kaito had done anything different, it wouldn’t have been just that they’d never meet. It would be that Kaito would’ve been dead before they could meet. 

“... my faith, at least, wasn’t entirely misplaced.” Kaito said after a moment of uncomfortable silence, looking up with a wary grin, “I mean, you had me guessing for a while… but you did decide not to hurt me. As much as you could have, I mean. It didn’t… maybe stop you from doing other things as much as it could have, but it did keep my brother out of the execution block.”

“And, you know… I couldn’t have done anything else than what I did. But I am sorry that it hurt you so badly.” Kaito murmured, soothingly petting his joints, “You rewarded my faith, but I justified your fears. I didn’t take the revelation of your plan well… and I tried to bully and pressure and guilt you out of it. I tried so hard to use our friendship against you.”

“You didn’t tell Byakuya.” Maki said back, just as softly. “If anything, that was… above and beyond my expectations.”

“Another lie.” Shuichi said, licking his lollipop.

“What?” Maki asked, glaring at him.

“The lollipop situation is falling apart.” Dr. Mariah grumbled.

“You left.” Shuichi continued on, undaunted, “You packed up, and headed to Luminary with a bunch of Luminary refugees, fully intending to use the opportunity to take down Byakuya, and Kaito knew it, and you knew Kaito knew it. If Kaito had told Byakuya that you had no intentions of taking Marigolds deal in good faith? That you were going to betray them anyway? Byakuya would have imprisoned and killed you when you got to the castle. He only let you arrive and walk away again because he thought the kids would be enough. Kaito knew it wasn’t.”

“Your plan depended on Kaito picking you over Byakuya.” Shuichi said, “You knew that. You had to go expecting it. Anything else would have been suicide. And Kaito lived up to that. Why say that you didn’t expect that when you obviously did?”

“......” Maki pouted. “.... that does make sense.”

“Doesn’t it? Watch out, Dr. Mariah, I’m going to end up getting your job. I’ll be the therapist, you can have the next baby.”

“I think if you become the therapist, that just means I get to go on vacation, if we’re being technical.” Dr. Mariah played along, “It does sound like you made a choice of faith in Kaito, Maki. That doesn’t dismiss any of your anger or resentment, and that goes for both of you. The good things we do for each other doesn’t mean we have an obligation to ignore the bad things. But speaking of both the good and the bad can help regulate emotions and, honestly, can make discussing the bad things worth it. So, Maki… what are your thoughts on that?”

“.... Kaito didn’t support me. But… ugh.” Maki sighed, realizing she was also basing her decisions on that weird fixation of his, and wasn’t that annnoyyiiiing… “Kaito wouldn’t make decisions that hurt me. Not if he could help it. Telling Byakuya in any way, shape or form by that point would have put me in serious danger, when I arrived. Kaito just… wouldn’t do that. No matter what.”

For all the times someone hadn’t chosen Kaito…Maki had chosen him then. She could’ve easily done nothing and been rid of a man she despised…but she had chosen to not only speak up, but fight against the decision of someone else for Kaito. 

Kokichi wondered if Byakuya knew that he lived only through the grace of his brother, something he had never deserved. 

…he hoped--unrealistically--that it would haunt him. 

For a moment, Kokichi just blinked at Shuuichi as he called out Maki’s lie, because…it didn’t feel like a lie. Maki really believed that…

But lies were more than feeling based and…well, it was a rare day a logic puzzle managed to sneak by Shuuichi. Maki had factored in that Kaito wouldn’t say anything. Because…

“...he couldn’t support you…but he always cared about you,” Kokichi softly summed up, mostly saying it for himself than to point anything out to Maki. She knew. “He still cares about you. Even when you guys want to hurt each other, you still care about each other.”

“Ugh… caring about people sucks.” 

“Agreed. We should stop doing it immediately.”

“Right? Absolutely! We’re gonna stop! Starting with each other!”

“Deal. Starting…. Now.”

Maki and Kaito glared at each other. 

Shuichi licked his lollipop. “...how’s that working out for you?”

“Terrible. Stop looking at me with that stupid face.” Maki glared.

Kaito glared harder at her… before letting out a little puff of breath, laying back in the egg, feet still firmly planted on the ground, “That’s not gonna work. Ugh… it’s so shitty that you left to go kill my brother on the assumption that I wouldn’t stop you, and you were right.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I tried very hard for a moment there to not make it your decision.”

“That’s worse. You see how that’s worse, right? Getting my brand new husband involved in trying to tie my hands?”

“It is worse.” Maki admitted. “... I’m sorry, Kaito. I honestly don’t feel like I could have done anything differently. My siblings were at risk, and the Indentured Program needed to be obliterated, and I saw a chance to do it. I couldn’t not take it, I didn’t have that in me. But I’m sorry about what it put us through. I’m so what those choices led me to doing.”

“Don’t be sorry. How am I supposed to be pissed at you if you’re sorry. It’s easier to be angry, sometimes…” Kaito rubbed his temples, before sitting back up. “Thank you, though. To keep things fair, I’m… sorry I couldn’t support you. Or make any of it easier. You were going through something terrifying, you only had me and Shuichi around to talk too, and you couldn’t talk to me… that sucks. I could see how that makes you bitter. I’d have been bitter too.”

“...a part of me wants that anger to come back. I never know what to do with this part.” Kaito admitted, shrugging. “I’m not pissed, but I don’t know if I consider this ‘resolved’ either.”

“Progress isn’t the same as ‘solved’, but it is a good thing either way. Not feeling emotionally raw about a subject can sometimes lead to people feeling lost and sort of aimless on how to further discuss it, but in truth, the ‘emotions tempering’ part of disagreements is usually only the halfway point. First the shock, when the raw emotion, then understanding, and then you actually start the process of fixing the actual problem. Understanding each other is only the first part of that. Action and time and patience and greater discussion follows it.”

Kokichi watched his friends dryly, not really feeling up to finding it amusing at the moment. Sometimes…it really would be a lot easier not to care. To not be emotionally invested in people, to not care for others’ well-beings, to not care about justice…

But what a dreadfully boring life that would be. 

…Kokichi regretted his involvement in everything, but…well, they’d talked about that too. Understanding was only halfway, huh? That made a lot of sense, why things never really felt done after the big discussion…

…but now what? It felt like there needed to be time to process, after talking it all out, but…what on earth could you say after that?

Kokichi sighed softly, running his hands down his arms, almost like he could physically brush off the last vestiges of that awful, prickly feeling. 

Shuichi, in turn, didn’t feel anything holding him back as he asked aloud, “So… where do we go from here–”

“I need to know what’s happening with the Nao and Yasu thing.” Kaito said stiffly. Shoulders tensing again.

Dr. Mariah glanced with interest at Kaito. “That was a bit… emotionally charged, for a simple statement.” She said, tasting bitter, overripe oranges in the air. “Something been on your mind, Kaito?”

“I can’t figure out… what’s expected of me.” Kaito said stiffly. “And I can’t guess what’s going to happen in the future. And I’m tired of everyone not wanting to talk about it with me. We… look, I understand there’s a whole history here, that I don’t understand. I get that, I’m trying to keep more of an open mind that I don’t really understand the histories here, of the caste and the capital and Dicea and the people. But… I do know that… I think?? People here are huge on second chances. Everyone who messes up and leaves, uh… they come back. They re-join society. And, I mean… maybe that’s not true everywhere, but it’s super true of the castle, that people come back, once they’re… better.”

“And I’ve been trying to mentally prepare for that. I’m trying to cope with this idea that Nao’s going to come back some day. That she’s going to be a part of our lives again someday. And I just… god, I couldn’t even talk to her wife for five minutes without getting into a fight with her…”

“You got into an altercation, Kaito?” Dr. Mariah asked.

“You ran into Yasu?” Maki demanded, straightening up and looking for attentive.

“It wasn’t a ‘fight’ fight, I didn’t hit her.” Kaito grumbled, “I bad-mouthed her, she insulted me, we separated. But, like… that was me trying. And that was just the spouse. I don’t know what’s going to be expected of me, when it comes to Nao herself. And no one will talk to me about it.”

Shuichi frowned. “...That’s not fair. We talked about it the other day, Kaito. I said I didn’t want to ruin their lives, remember?”

“Okay, sure, but… does that mean… what does that mean? For the future? Are we treating her kindly? Are we keeping her at arms reach? Does punching her in her face count as ‘ruining her life’? I met Yasu and had no idea how I was supposed to treat her, here. I kept her out of danger, but that’s literally the bare minimum, I don’t… know what anyone wants from me.”

“If I may, Kaito… if you weren’t thinking about what your partners might have wanted you to do about it, what would you have chosen to do?” Dr. Mariah asked.

Kaito chewed his lip, clearly unprepared to answer that. Thinking about it… “I’m not sure… I think I’d… have told her to leave the city. So I wouldn’t end up fighting her wife.”

“Why?” Dr. Mariah asked.

“...To avoid having to fight Nao, I guess.” Kaito said, shrugging tensely, “Which I’m trying not to do. Because my partners don’t want me to do that.”

Kokichi tensed, but at first…he didn’t understand what Kaito was asking. There was definitely still something to discuss about Nao and Yasu, much to his chagrin, but…as for what to do? He felt like they’d settled that…

…but the answer that he’d given was…that he didn’t know. Which wasn’t exactly satisfactory. 

And…after rehabilitation…it was so far down the line Kokichi could barely even fathom it…

…he’d been trying to manage Kaito again. 

Letting out a sigh, Kokichi ran a stressed hand through his hair. “...you know? I didn’t tell you before, because I didn’t want to make it a big deal, to…start all this over again. You’re not going to assault Nao, I’m trusting your word on that. But you’re still pissed and I just…didn’t want to throw another log onto that fire that day.”

“...I ran into her, when I went out looking for that book,” Kokichi started, closing his eyes and just…keeping himself centered. “I literally saw her for less than a minute. Because the moment I registered who I was looking at, I ran away. I ran all the way back home and cried.”

“So…if you don’t know what to do? I get that. Because I have no clue.”

Opening his eyes a little, Kokichi looked to the side. “...we could get a restraining order. We definitely have a case to get one approved, and I doubt either of them would fight it.” He vaguely remembered Nao mentioning the possibility of Shuuichi getting a restraining order when they had had their group meetings. 

…he didn’t know if he wanted one. 

…they were going to sell him something in the mail for his birthday. 

Kaito gave Kokichi a concerned look at the story of him seeing her, but… him seeing her and running home was distressing, but not alarming. Though Kokichi’s reaction only made Kaito resent the fact that the bitch hadn’t left the city a little more now. Bold… and had this been Luminary, reckless…

But this wasn’t Luminary, and Kato’s hands were metaphorically tied, when it came to Nao. His own desires were, strictly speaking, illegal. So he had to base his reactions on what would make his partners happy. Better that then to do what he wanted, get arrested, upset his partners, and possibly get sent away. 

Kaito perked up at the idea of a restraining order– what was that? Could they petition to get Nao arrested after all?? Had Kokich and Shuichi changed their minds on that?-- but seeing the immediate discomfort on both Kokichi and Shuichi’s faces at the idea… “Do you guys want to never see them again? Shuichi?”

“I fight the impulse to go looking for Nao literally every couple of weeks.” Shuichi said after a moment, looking deeply uncomfortable with this, “I can’t tell you guys how many times I told myself, this week. This is the week I’m going to do it.Entirely confident I was going to do it… and then the week ends and I don’t and I lose that certainty until the next time it comes along. I’ve ‘decided’ to confront her so many times… but the one time I thought I saw her? I basically did what Kokichi did. I froze up and went home. I don’t even know if it was her, I just saw a shadow in the gardens that had her silhouette, but all the confidence I had that I wanted to talk to her? The imaginary arguments and talks and counterparts I’ve had prepped in my head for months, the feeling that I’d square my shoulders and hold my head up and tell her… whatever. How things were? What I thought of her?”

Shuichi shrugged, “Immediately fell apart, the second I thought it was happening. I couldn’t have ran fast enough.”

“Kaito, why are you so confident that Nao is going to end up back in your lives?” Dr. Mariah asked, seeing Kokichi and Shuichi’s uncertainty and discomfort with even discussing her as a pretty clear sign they weren’t exactly gearing to welcome her back with open arms. “It’s understandable you want a set of guidelines on how to act around her should she show up. But why isn’t the answer ‘ignore her’, since it’s more likely you’ll only ever see her in passing, from this point on? You don’t have to confront her at all, positively or negatively. None of you do.”

“...because it feels inevitable, that she’s coming back.” Kaito said tensely, “That’s how things work here. She hasn’t even left, and no one can tell me she wouldn’t get her job back if she asked for it. I feel like one day she’s just gonna… show up. Maybe she’ll have some conversation with Kokichi or Shuichi in private, they’ll figure things out between themselves, and the next day she’ll be back in our lives, working the library, and I won’t know… I’m just trying to be ready. If that’s what’s going to happen. Nao’s too big a part of Kokichi’s life to just assume she’s gone forever, and Shuichi feels like he owes her something.”

Dr. Mariah nodded at that. “I can see your concern, but I also feel like I’m hearing a lot of assumption and mind reading there… you came to all these conclusions without talking about Nao?”

Kaito hesitated… before shrugging. Now looking a little sheepish.

Kokichi nodded dully, familiar with how Shuuichi felt at this point. Shuuichi had made amends with Yasu. He wanted to speak with Nao, get some closure, but…he wasn’t ready. The version of her he’d known still too…present in his mind to gather his courage and resolve just yet. 

And Kokichi…

…he didn’t know. He wanted the aunt that he grew up with in his life again. He was angry at the monster that had hurt Shuuichi. He just…didn’t know what he wanted yet. So…they didn’t have to be in each other’s worlds. 

…what did that even fucking mean…that she hadn’t left? How much damn space did Kaito need…

Kokichi huffed angrily. “...she’d be a moron if she tried to apply to be the castle librarian again. Which…yeah, who fuckin’ knows. But all castle staff have to be approved by my father along with the head of the department they’re applying for, and there’s no way he’d hire her back. And there’s no way I’d hire her either, if she waited that long.”

“Just…” Kokichi pinched the bridge of his nose, tilting his head down and rubbing the front of his head. “I don’t want to see her. Maybe one day I’ll feel differently, but…for now? I wouldn’t expect her to be even tangentially in our lives. Maybe that’ll change when Shuu-chan talks to her. I don’t know. But I don’t want to see her.”

“...I’m glad you helped out Yasu. But…if you really don’t know what to do when you see them? Then…my advice is just to ignore them.”

“I don’t really know if I actually want to see her either.” Shuichi admitted, adjusting his hat nervously. “I feel like if I wanted that, I’d have actually done it by now. And you and Yasu apparently already know where you stand with each other. Ignoring them both might be, really… the only thing to do. Though, knowing you, I might add ‘and get away from them’ as part of it.”

“I don’t know, there’s something appealing in the idea of being annoyingly around.” Maki mused, having settled back down after knowing more about what the Yasu meetup had been like, “Make them uncomfortable and leave. Sounds more appealing.”

“Knowing them, they’ll stick around just to piss me off.” Kaito grumbled. “And it’ll just end up being me, sitting there and fuming.”

“There’s a lot of anger here.” Dr. Mariah noted, looking between the group. “By this point, this might be less about Nao and more about you all. Unless someone decided to press charges, there really is very little meaningful engagement that can bring closure to the group as a whole, when it comes to Nao. And even then, I doubt the closure of Diceans justice system would satisfy all of you anyway. I feel like I’ve said this before, in one of our earliest sessions, but it might be time to revisit this: Nao is mostly irrelevant to this tension.”

Kaito frowned. “She doesn’t feel irrelevant.”

“She’s merely a concept, by this point, and one you all don’t feel the same way about. The disagreement is what’s causing your group more suffering than Nao’s existence.” Dr. Mariah said, “It might be worth exploring, but not for deciding on an action against or for her.”

“I feel like we’ve discussed her to death… I honestly don’t know what else there is to say about her.” Shuichi admitted, “I know Kaito and Maki are still angry. I know I resent her but I’m not ready to confront her. I know Kokichi’s not ready to engage with her at all. Honestly… I just don’t think any of us are really ready to make any more progress on her. It’s just something we’re all living with. Kaito thinks she’s going to be relevant way, way sooner than I think she ever will, which is making him want to talk about it, but… I really don’t think she’s coming back, definitely not soon, maybe not ever.”

…yeah. Yeah. Kaito’s anger was his duty to Shuuichi--his desire to cause Nao harm meant that he cared about Shuuichi. Meanwhile…like with Cedar, Kokichi just wanted to put it all behind him. To him, Kaito’s anger wasn’t for anyone else but himself, which…still was something he was allowed to feel, he guessed, but…it just stressed Kokichi out. He didn’t think he had it in him to deal with everything if Kaito got another assault charge. 

(...and it was different from Cedar. Because he had trusted Nao. And that kind of betrayal… He didn’t know.)

Maybe pressing charges would actually make him feel better in the long run. But…Kokichi just couldn’t bring himself to even idly think up a plan. 

…he just wanted his aunt back. But that person might’ve never existed. 

“...I agree with all that,” Kokichi murmured, tucking his legs into the egg. “...from my perspective, seeing things… People get their second chances when they deserve them. So…as long as you’re still angry, Kai-chan? As long as I still feel like I have to run even seeing a glimpse of her? She hasn’t deserved it yet, so she won’t get that chance. So…I wouldn’t fret over her just…suddenly popping up all the time.”

He sighed. “...I would say something ‘as long as’ for Shuu-chan too…since he was the actual person she wronged… But you’ve felt bad about her quitting since it happened.”

“I still feel like it’s possible that she… wasn’t entirely in the wrong.” Shuichi said softly, giving Kaito a wary look as his boyfriend let out an angry huff of air, “And if she was, then maybe we… unfairly fixated on her. Seiko helped her. Hajime covered for her. Maki literally tried to replace her and at one point joined in with her–”

Maki notably tensed at that, before crossing her arms and looking away. Something strained in her expression. 

“--and I know that, historically, Nao makes shitty choices. Like I’ve said before… she’s kind of stupid? She… I don’t know a lot about it, but she got caught up in some sort of, I’m not sure… incident? That I believe was related to the riots that harmed Kokichi and killed his mother. It got her friend killed, and nearly killed her, someone else pulling her ass out of the fire. And then from there, I know she’s done information work for Aiichi, involving herself in dangerous groups to spy on them… yeah.” Shuichi said with a small laugh, looking at Kaito’s startled expression, “That one surprised me too. I found that out a few months ago… but my point is, Nao just… likes that sort of risk. Everything I know about her, including her hobbies, shows a pattern of risky behavior apparently for the thrill of it. She’s an adrenaline junky, the more dangerous the better.”

“And there I was, this drugged up, horny idiot, begging her to engage in that risky behavior with me… I didn’t say no. No one else who knew stopped her. And Nao has a history of being tempted into that sort of behavior and falling for it without someone else correcting her… and it all made logical enough sense, at the time, that even Maki, who would die to protect me–”

“I’d never have too, I’d kill the other person first, but of course I would.” Maki clarified.

“-- and Kaito, who has sworn himself to me… hell, even Kokichi gave her the go ahead to keep going, when you all found out and decided on it. It might have been insane, but apparently it made sense. Everyone who knew about it gave Nao the okay to keep doing it, once they found out… but now that it’s all over, Nao’s the only one still paying for what happened.” Shuichi said, fists clenching, “...and as much as I hate her sometimes? As much as I’d love to ruin her day, or yell at her, or anything… I’ve felt the same way about everyone, at various times. I still feel that way about Seiko sometimes. But Nao is the only one still getting the brunt of it, and… it feels unfair.”

“I know she’s older. I know she’s cruel and she took it too far and her being stupid and reckless and easily tempted into self destructive behavior doesn’t really fix or justify anything. I know she took advantage of me to give herself a thrill, one way or another… but I don’t think she’s as blanket in the wrong as it can seem, sometimes.” Shuichi said softly, “... I’m sorry I feel that way. I know it’s inconvenient. I just spend a lot of time thinking about this… and that’s kind of where I’ve gotten too, with it.”

Dr. Mariah sighed, after a moment. “...well, it seems like there was more to say about it after all.”

Kokichi, at first, thought this was just more of Shuuichi’s guilt, but…

…well, he wasn’t the only person to look up in surprise, hearing about Nao’s apparent spy role for their government. He could understand, at least as a kid, why no one ever told him, but…

He’d known about what happened during the riots. Wakame, Yasu, Ryouhei…all that stuff. But… If she’d never stopped involving herself in risk, just changed her outlook about it…

…it had made sense, at the time. Back then…everyone was talking like just breathing wrong would kill Shuuichi and…he’d been so desperate for Nao… He’d been so scared and angry and volatile…it seemed like it made sense. Only when the dust started to clear, Kokichi really felt the horror of it all sink down on him. But…it hadn’t just been Nao acting on her own…

She should’ve known better. But…people were never just…exempt from making mistakes… It wasn’t just a mistake, though…

“...she used to record LRG demonstrations,” Kokichi murmured, his eyes closed in his egg. “...when she was a teenager. Her friend, Wakame…reportedly didn’t give a shit about what the LRG supposedly valued. But…she was convinced that people were scum, and that expecting morals or…broad compassion were lies that needed to be squashed out. That people needed to get off their high horses. Nao…didn’t quite buy into that…but she loved Wakame. And she thought that…things like fear were the most pure expressions of humanity a person could show. So while Wakame stirred up people into frendzies, Nao…watched and recorded it all.”

“...her records ended up being important evidence, back when my dad was holding trials for the people in the LRG.”

Kokichi took a small breath, still not opening his eyes. “...when that big riot happened in Usott…the one that killed my mom…” Another breath. “They got caught up in it too. Nao…she said she was a little more used to being close to the action…but…”

“...I don’t know exactly what happened. But…Wakame left her for dead, running from some of the rioters. And ended up dying to them herself. …said it was poetic.” Kokichi curled his hands in his shirt. “Nao escaped, for a bit, but…she ran into Ryouhei. Who had been tracking down movements of the LRG for a while… Just for his own purposes…he was a teenager too so…this was before he worked at the castle… And he’d found out that…she knew that this riot was going to happen. That she knew all sorts about different LRG members and their movements and…she hadn’t done anything with it.”

“...he got about halfway through killing her before Yasu grabbed them both and hightailed it out of the building they’d been in, before someone threw a Molly into the place.”

Kokichi bit his lip. “...she always told me that story, explaining how dumb she’d been. How there was nothing, no beauty or humanity or anything to be found in hate and misanthropy. And…it always felt like she’d grown from that teenager, sitting on the border of decay just to watch.”

“...but I guess not.”

There was a heavy silence. Shuichi wasn’t terribly surprised by any of that, he had randomly found himself hunting for information about Nao whenever the stress of thinking about her got a little unmanageable in the last year, and over time he felt fairly confident if the information was anywhere in the castle, Shuichi had already seen it. At least when it came to ‘Miss Nao’. In truth, there had been both too much and too little. Files and files of information that he had learned was credited to her, though not specifically by name, warning of cultist and extremist activities, things that might have been fascinating for Shuichi to read about on their own, but not usually when he was just sitting there, frustrated that there wasn’t more on her. Specifically. 

(Was it stalkery? Maybe a little. Shuichi had no idea what he was looking for. But looking for information about nao usually felt easier and less stressful than the idea of finding her to actually talk to her. It got his mind off the worst of those anxieties.)

But he didn’t really know what her childhood had been like. He didn’t know if she had family, outside of Yasu. He didn’t know where she had grown up. He didn’t know if she had done anything like what she had done to him to anyone else. Had she made friends with the people she was spying on, or did she watch from afar? Did she participate? Did she find it fun to know she was going to turn them all in, or did it fill her with nerves and anxiety and guilt? Did she feel righteous? Had she done it because she thought it was moral, or for the thrill? Or because someone had asked her too? Why did she do anything? Did she miss her friend?

Why had she told Shuichi about her? 

It was information for informations sake, and it was madness, and Shuichi had ultimately not found the answers for any of it in his searches. He had denounced Nao as a contrary little idiot several times now, motivations little more than ‘rat chase cheese’ in nature, and sometimes thinking like that put off the next data search for weeks, and once even months… but the temptation to discover more, to add depth to what he knew about her, would take him again and he’d be back to searching. And finding nothing. Little more than what Kokichi himself had just told them. Nao had been a part of a violent ideology mostly for fun and partly for socializing, then the person who had brought her into the fold abandoned her and died to a mob that was killing indiscriminately by that point in what could arguably be called ‘a single day civil war’, at least within the capital, and Nao had ended up fixating on the people who had saved her. First chasing the good feelings of someone ‘wicked’, then chasing the good feelings of someone ‘kind’.

Mouse chasing cheese. Pleasure sensors activated. Nothing more, nothing less…

And what Kaito fixated on was, “Ryouhei beat Nao in a fight!?” Kaito exclaimed, eyes widening, “Nao’s a freaking tank, how the hell did he… this is the guy who fell asleep during negotiations we’re talking about, right??”

Maki shrugged, “Maybe Nao used to be a stick.”

“Ya know when I attacked her, I wasn’t even sure I was gonna win? The woman’s my height with biceps and a weirdly high pain tolerance, if all those damn wrappings she always had said anything. Ryouhei is…” Kaito winced. Suddenly realizing his mind had wandered into an ‘unkind’ place. “...uh, well, his ability to fight anyone is not the first assumption I would make about the guy.” Honestly, Kaito had spent some time listening to his own advisors mock the man, and… hadn’t had too much to disagree with, both then and now. He was clearly good at his job, but otherwise the guy sorta seemed a mess. It was hard to imagine him fighting back against inciters during a violent mob outburst. The dude looked like he was a bad week away from passing out at any given time.

Kokichi huffed a bit of laugh, finding some amusement even through the mess of…everything he was feeling. “Everyone always underestimates Ryouhei in everything… He’s the sleepiest non-narcoleptic I’ve ever met, but he’s really a beast. I told you he used to review stuff for the paper? It wasn’t just books or restaurants--he used to do stuff like bull riding when it was legal and like…new dispensary products.”

Ryouhei looked like the kind of person that only wasn’t blown away by a stiff wind ‘cause he’d be in a heap on the ground sleeping, but Kokichi had also seen the guy rip an outdated event ledger in half against the spine. It had never been a surprise that Nao always started sweating when he gave her second looks. 

…guess he just hadn’t been watching carefully enough despite his lasting distrust. 

Kokichi’s wane smile faded. “...ranking all the head admins by their ability to wreck your shit in a fight? Ryouhei swings back and forth between first and second place with my dad, depending on what the fight was about.”

Every Luminary suddenly reeked SKEPTICAL.

“...Aiichi can fight?” Kaito asked, looking like he was just barely holding back a full ‘uh, babe, you sure??’ as a followup. Shuichi looked less baffled and more just curious, but there was something sad lining his face now, tired as this was where the conversation shifted. Maki just had a deadpan, ‘nope’ look to her. Clearly barely even entertaining the idea, if not for it being Kokichi who offered it.

Dr. Mariah watched Shuichi, understanding his frustration, though she wasn’t sure it’d be wise to interfere. Kaito was likely distracting himself and diverting the conversation for a reason. His taste had gotten acidic in the middle of Kokichi’s explanation of Nao’s history, though it had evened out near the end to the point where, if she had to guess, Kaito had decided he didn’t want to air out the most antagonist of his thoughts. And thus, he had focused on something else, something that wasn’t riling him up as much. 

Again, Dr. Mariah could correct course, but it’d be at the risk of Kaito losing his cool, which he was clearly trying to keep a hold of. Better to give them a moment to let them temper their feelings.

Kokichi couldn’t help finding himself amused at how much they all just couldn’t see it. Though, he understood why. “Not your kind of fighting. I don’t know if anyone in administration’s ever been taught any sort of fighting style. Still…”

Something briefly guilty came across his face. Of course…Shuuichi and Maki had been in peril at the time, and…well, Kaito wouldn’t have been in any mood or state to listen to castle gossip. So…Kokichi just shrugged. “Apparently he knocked Hideki-ji’s office door off its hinges when he found out about, er, Chisa and all that. He’s never been violent around me, and, yanno, he has an image to maintain as leader, specifically one that’s been advocating for more peaceful coexistence, but Hideki-ji would always tell me about him being a ‘rampaging hippopotamus of bravado and fury’.”

Kokichi rested his chin on his knees, shrugging again. “In all the things I’ve seen of him as a teenager and young adult, he used to be pretty jacked.” Still kind of was, though he didn’t really do anything with it. Aside from making doors go flying when he was wrapped up in a maelstrom of paternal protective rage, apparently.

Kaito winced. He had been terrified of talking to Aiichi after that night himself, though, admittedly, that fear had come more from dark rooms and locked doors than a fear of Aiichi actually beating him himself. It just… wasn’t the sort of thing royalty did. Oh, sure, all of his family had been training in one fighting style or another, but…

Well, Maki-roll had summed it up to Kaito best, when they were kids and she was showing him how to ‘actually’ fight. They could make shows of sparring all they liked, display beautiful, perfectly performed and coordinated moves to the delight of their peers and subordinates or for their own egos… but you didn’t know how to fight until you knew how to breathe through a punch to the stomach and walk on a bleeding leg. Basically, you didn’t know how to fight until you knew how to cope being in a fight. A real one. Which Maki had taught Kaito, repeatedly. 

And while, once upon a time, Kaito would have never shamed his family by suggesting they wouldn’t handle a real fight well… well, those days were behind him now, and yeah. Kaito had never seen any of them in a real fight, and he doubted now they would have ever held up well past the first time something landed against them. In a physical fight, elites, in their soft world and high ranks, rarely needed to know how to really fight. And Kaito only knew because he had allowed his friends to teach him.

And hearing Kokichi clarify what he meant, Kaito remembered with some bitterness that he had… absolutely focused on learning the wrong type of fighting. He had been so proud of his abilities growing up, but they didn’t translate into anything useful now. Hideki had ripped him apart the first and only time Kaito had tried to ‘spar’  with one of the elites of the castle. Oh well… he could still punch Hideki in the face in his dreams.

Wait, no, he didn’t hate Hideki anymore. At least not seriously. Still, the man had a very punchable face.

“Man, I gotta assume whatever evidence they had on Chisa was concrete.” Kaito said, adjusting his shirt nervously, not for what was but what certainly might have been, “I really thought I was fucked when I brought you down to medical, ‘Kichi. My first night alone with you sent you to the medward hopped up on drugs and… ngh. God, I kept waiting for the guards to take me somewhere.”

Shuichi huffed, “Chisa barely made any effort to cover her tracks, I’ve seen the evidence reports. She was really banking on the person she had passed the water too to either not realize her involvement or be too embarrassed or scared to admit her part. Basically as soon as word of Kokichi’s predicament started getting around the castle, the woman was literally like ‘oh, maybe that has something to do with the water I gave them’ and went straight to the guards. And if the interrogation transcripts are even half as suggestive as reality, Chisa was practically gloating about it the second they brought her in for questioning.”

Maki’s eyes narrowed… she looked at Kokichi, a question on her mind. But she decided against it. Kokichi seemed to be coping well with the Chisa stuff, and all things considered, so was Kaito. Maki didn’t want to bring up old arguments by asking Kokichi if he knew where the woman was these days, considering Tengan was ‘dead’.

Maki was more patient then Shuich’s mentor gave her credit for. 

Chisa was simple on a ‘to-do’ list. Maki would get around to her someday. 

“Confessing is usually pretty solid,” Kokichi sighed, the hurt in his eyes more tired than tender now. It still hurt, thinking of how she had gloated and boasted that morning at breakfast, but…now it kinda pissed him off. Now that they had another connection between Tengan and poppies, Kokichi had tentatively dusted off his old theory--when he thought about Chisa at all--but…really? At least then, she had just…been a hateful bitch. He didn’t regret cautioning Kaito against killing her--his assault charges at the coast probably would’ve been much worse if he’d gotten a murder charge already, even if it wasn’t against a citizen--but…

Honestly? Fuck her. He wasn’t going to let her keep ruining his life by being scared and sad anymore. The feelings might come, but she wasn’t a part of his life in any way now.

Kokichi sighed, glancing around the group. “...is this worth talking about again? Or have we just gotten, like…super off topic?”

Shuichi and Maki looked undisturbed, while Shuichi just shrugged. Something conflicted flashed through Kaito, but he nodded too. “Yeah, sorry, we can talk about something else. Um… are we done talking about Nao?” he asked, a tad hopefully. 

Shuich looked disappointed at that, but he nodded too, “We can be, I don’t mind. Again, none of us are going to agree at how to handle her right now, and… well, honestly it’s not really something we have to figure out yet. Us both getting glimpses of her and talking to her wife doesn’t really mean she’s an immediate problem. She really only becomes one if we approach her or she approaches us, and… I have a feeling she’ll never approach me, anyway.”

“Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?” Dr. Mariah asked, the taste coming off Shuichi confusing. 

Shuichi shrugged, “It’s just a thing. It just means it’s up to me what I want to do about it. If anything.”

“Perhaps it’s good to have that sort of agency over your own life,” Dr. Mariah offered as a silver lining, Shuichi nodding along hesitantly, “Nao leaving the ability to approach to you is, if I had to guess, very likely what her own therapist has recommended to her as well. Asking for forgiveness or closure on things is something I’ve noted is a bit of a cultural difference between Diceans and Dicean-Luminaries. If you feel ignored, or dismissed, do try to remember that society is likely pressuring her to give you space. It’s largely how we handle conflicts here. It’s not a personal condemnation.”

Kaito actually chuckled a little at this, scratching the back of his neck, “My friend Waku was trying to explain that to me the other day. Said Diceans wouldn’t be caught dead doing submission bows cause it’s, like… insulting or insincere, essentially. Man, and my dad had a temper too… I wonder how Aiichi and him got past all that stuff?”

“They didn’t.” Maki reminded him dully, “They went to war for over a decade.”

“Ah. Right.”

“Is there anything else anyone has pressing on their minds?” Dr. Mariah asked, gently trying to steer back on course, “Anything that feels urgent, or is weighing on you?”

…mm. It might’ve come out that way but…Kokichi had asked sincerely. It just…kind of felt like they were chatting at that point. Which was good! But even with an extended session, they had limited time with Dr. Mariah, and Kokichi really didn’t want to head back home with something stressing them out. It had already been bad enough at home. 

And Nao was probably one of those things, but…it would be for a long time. If Kaito couldn’t talk about it anymore, then…they could leave it until next time. 

…it was going to be hard, for whatever Shuuichi ended up wanting from her. Cultural differences were hard enough when you were trying to be friendly. Kokichi remembered how confused and uncomfortable he was when Kaito had done a submission bow to him. 

…how on earth had their fathers ever gotten to the point where Aiichi could call them friends? Sure, it was a term Kokichi felt his father used too lightly, but…they had been at war for over a decade. Aiichi really didn’t need to shine anything rosy-colored over the past when it came to Leon. 

(...did his dad…have any real friends now?)

Silence fell for a few moments as Dr. Mariah tried to steer them to a new topic, and in its wake… Kokichi fidgeted a bit, looking nervously around the group. 

“...well…” he started softly. “I wouldn’t…really call it urgent, but…it keeps poking at me to tell you sometime…”

As he hemmed and hawwed around it, Kokichi’s face took on a rosy hue. “So, uh… I explained about constructs! And while yours are more, like, defenses, just for fighting conditioning and other Empaths getting too handsy, um… For Empaths, they can have a lot of functions? Like an assistant for anything you might need…”

“And…well, I guess you could call my lobby a construct--it’s basically a waiting place for people coming to my mind so they can’t get nosy without my consent, and can expel anyone I don’t want there, ‘n stuff… But I really only have one construct…a memory-aid. Helping me find memories.”

Kokichi was bright red by this point, just kind of staring at the pond with wide eyes. “...andtheconstructisalittledollversionofKai-chan.” He glanced up to Maki briefly. “He wants to hang out with you at some point.”

………

Shuichi put his mouth behind his hand and giggled. Looking genuinely delighted as he snickered, “What?” while Maki sighed and slapped her hand over her face, covering her eyes and rubbing her temples at the same time as she deeply sighed. 

Kaito gave Kokichi a very simple, bewildered look, processing what he said… before his head tilted to the side a little, brow furrowing, still bewildered as he clarified, “A… doll version of me?”

Kaito mostly just seemed confused, rather than alarmed, but Dr. Mariah regarded Kokichi with more solemn curiosity. “Kokichi, that seemed to take some courage on your part to confess. I’ll admit, I know almost nothing about the realities of constructs or what it takes for an empath to make or maintain one, though it sounds fascinating… but why the reluctance to admit what you’ve done?”

“Because he’s embarrassed?” Maki guessed, dropping her hand and giving Kokichi an exasperated look, “And if he’s not, he should be.” 

Shuichi giggled some more, still just delighted.

Kokichi groaned, covering his face, though he was red to his ears so it didn’t really hide anything. “I thought I’d let everything slip once, so my mentor made a bunch of little Chibis of us to fetch memories and see how bad things really were but…I just couldn’t dismiss Chibi Kai-chan. He was too sweet… So…he’s just stuck around.”

Kokichi sank down in his egg more. “...I made him a room that’s outer space with star whales. Sometimes I make a Chibi Kokichi to keep him company.”

…it was mortifying admitting to everything, just as he’d thought. But he needed to tell…well, at least Kaito at some point. If Kokichi was going to use his likeness and personality to the best of his knowledge, Kaito deserved to know.

Now Shuichi was just straight up cackling. It was too hard of a laugh to be a giggle anymore, it only smothered as he hid his whole face behind his hands, like somehow that might keep the others from noticing him losing it over in his corner of the roof pond. Maki groaned even further in full blown second-hand cringe. Muttering to herself, “He’s worried about it getting lonely…”

Kaito still looked like he had no idea what to make of any of it. “Uh… huh. So, wait, like… it’s like a little daydream version of me? Like, actually little, like doll sized? But it helps you with memory stuff…”

“Oh!” Kaito realized, pulling out his stone as he said, “Like a focus? Like my meditation stones? You have a Kaito-shaped focus, but for remembering stuff instead of anger stuff?”

Kokichi made a helpless noise, gesturing vaguely with his hands before returning them to cover his face. Technically…that was exactly it. There wasn’t actually a Kaito in his brain, not really… Chibi Kaito was still Kokichi--just a separated part of consciousness and intent that was solely focused on searching and retrieving memories. It just…happened to present all those things with a Kaito-like flair. 

And now wanted things, like to hang out with Maki, or to smooch Chibi Kokichi. 

“...I can show you, if that’d help,” Kokichi groaned, remembering to ask before sending intent for once, though he knew it was just another door for ridicule. 

“Please do.”

“Uuuuugh.”

“Hey, guys, would you stop?” Kato frowned, looking sternly at his sidekicks, “He’s embarrassed enough, look at him. And this is like… the first empath stuff he’s wanted to tell me about, don’t make him feel shitty about it.”

Shuichi continued to laugh, though he had the decency to look a little sheepish now as he waved his hands appeasingly in Kaito’s direction, “Sorry, sorry, I’m not laughing at him. It’s just… very cute, isn’t it? You just know he’s cuddled with the little you. I desperately want to see Maki trying to entertain an excited, tiny version of you.”

“It has desires.” Maki muttered, “What does that even mean.”

“The Kokichi’s that live in my head have desires too! That’s part of the daydreaming experience! And those desires depend on the rules established! You think Tyrant!Kokichi would be comfortable sharing? He most certainly would not be! But that’s all Wilderness!Kokichi wants to do! It’s totally normal!” Kaito insisted, pouting a little, before waving around his stone again as he said, “Hell, half the reason this thing works at all is cause I associate it with Shuichi and Kokichi. It’s a valid coping technique!”

“You can’t compare your actual daydreams to whatever Kokichi is doing, Kaito.” Maki told him sternly, “It’s separate things.”

“I most certainly can, and did. Fight me.” Kaito challenged, before looking to his husband, “Sure, you can show me what you’re talking about, but of alllllll the weird things that you’ve told me lately, this one doesn’t seem that out there to me. If I had your powers? I’d have a whole harem of Kokichi’s living in my head. I admire your restraint, honestly.”

Knowing how Kaito’s daydreams could be, that didn’t exactly make Kokichi feel any better. But…it was something he was going to have to live with. He’d chosen to keep Chibi Kaito around, to the point the little creature managed to reform after his attack, so…this was the bed he was sleeping in now. 

Considering Chibi Kaito was, yanno, there, Kokichi gave the creature a small heads up before… Well, it didn’t feel that different from sending regular intent, but it felt more describable as opening a little window into his family’s minds, allowing Chibi Kaito a brief moment to…present himself, Kokichi supposed, to them. 

For the others, it would likely seem like a brief moment of intense visualization. 

(๑꒪▿꒪)*?

ɾ⚈▿⚈ɹ????

Chibi Kaito had known what he was doing, Kokichi had warned him, but it still took him a moment to orient himself in the 3D space while basing it on Kokichi’s view and understanding of the environment.  He started standing on the water, but Kokichi’s internal logic system said wrong, and in the next second he was standing next to the pond, looking around curiously, brightening when he ‘saw’ Kokichi, before his eyes noticed the two figures on the other side of the pond…

(′ʘ⌄ʘ‵)!!!! Maki! SHUICHI! MAKI AND SHUICHI!! 

While the group watched in astonishment, Chibi Kaito ran around the pond (because Kokichi’s logic suggested he must), waving his hands wildly in the air and shirt blowing loosely behind him, Chibi Kaito feeling the wind (because Kokichi could feel the warm winds of the summer day and felt like it would effect Chibi Kaito’s shirt and hair) blow through his hair as he rang out excited bell sounds.

o(≧∇≦o)==3====3====3

Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ!!!!!

Maki sighed, staring down at the little creature as it hopped between their chairs, clearly trying to compel them both out of their seats to meet him in the middle, Shuichi no longer laughing, but looking at Chibi Kaito in open astonishment… before giving Kokichi a worried look. “Kokichi, you’re making us see things… is this going to strain you?”

“I actually don’t see anything.” Dr. Mariah said,watching the others curiously, “But I’m willing to take your word that you do.”

Kaito, in turn, watched the thing look so excited to see his sidekicks. Guess he couldn’t really blame the little guy. If he hadn’t seen them in a while, Kaito would be excited to see them too…

“...is that what my hair looks like from behind?” Kaito murmured, peering at the small thing.

That was…different. 

Kokichi didn’t respond to Shuuichi for a moment, didn’t really react to Chibi Kaito running around, until he let out a breath, the ‘window closed’. Blinking a few times, he shrugged at Shuuichi a bit. “I think…that was a little more than just sending mass intent? Never tried anything like that before…”

Wiping his forehead a little (mostly from how red he’d been, paired with the heat of the day as it had been the entire time) Kokichi huffed a soft laugh. “I mean…a little condensed and simplified, like how Chibi Kaito is in everything, but…yeah. Different from seeing it in a few mirrors?”

“Awwww,” Shuichi pouted softly, as Chibi Kaito blinked out of existence, “I wanted to hold him. He looked squishy.”

“He kind of looked like me as a toddler… sort of?” Kaito frowned, still trying to get his head around it, “Or, no, that’s not right… he wasn’t even toddler sized, thinking about it. Like an infant that moved like a toddler that looked like an adult… so, yeah, a doll, I guess. He was small. Is he okay being that small?”

“Kaito, don’t project insecurities into a literal projection Kokichi’s made.” Maki told him sternly. 

“I think I could have held him in my hands… and yeah, very different then seeing it in mirrors.” Kaito mused, running his hand behind the back of his head…

“...” he frowned, “Guys, if there’s any more big secrets? Please don’t leave it till after this appointment to tell me. I won’t hate you, but I’m going to wish I could.”

“Kaito, I say this not to accuse you of anything, or distract, or do any ‘ah-ha’ stuff… do you really have nothing you’re hiding from us?” Shuichi asked, looking genuinely… skeptical was the wrong word. Maybe just surprised. “Everyone has secrets. You must have a few yourself.”

“... I mean, I didn’t tell Kokichi some bad news I knew about another country for a long time.” Kaito admitted, looking a little troubled by it, “I told you guys the stuff I learned about Miyako with it, but… well, actually, thinking about it I guess I was hiding the troubling stuff from not just Kokichi, but you too, Shuichi. We were so past the spore stuff, that I didn’t want to drag you back into theorizing about it by letting you know I had learned about a new way it was being used by other countries. Or, new to me, anyway. And I didn’t tell Kokichi cause… well, I didn’t want him to feel sad about it, I guess is what my feelings summed up to.”

“But, if I’m honest, that didn’t really feel like a secret to me… it was more just ‘bad news’. Why ruin you guys’ day with just more bad news…” Kaito looked pensively at Kokich and Shuichi, “Should I have told you? Would you have wanted to know?”

“He copes,” Kokichi shrugged, not without a bit of amusement in his small smile. “It does mean he can jump from small planet to planet in ‘space’.”

…Kokichi had promised no more big secrets. And he’d royally screwed up this one. But…they all had smaller secrets--that was just…being a person. Probably healthy boundaries ‘n stuff. 

And it wasn’t like Kaito told them everything either. 

Still, Kokichi rubbed his brow a bit. “...it’s not comparable to not telling you about the Empath stuff--you’re right, you did tell us everything that…like, personally affected us and our daughter immediately, but…I feel like keeping big things to yourself ‘cause it’s ‘bad news’ could be a problem.”

“...but honestly? I’m not sure if I would’ve wanted to know. Without knowing all the parts about Flora too?” Kokichi sighed. “...there’s nothing we can do about it. And…even knowing now, it’s not like I’m going to present to the other admins an idea of boycotting Ronpan goods or denying immigration… It took me…too long to stop feeling responsible for Luminary policy. Knowing some of the nightmare that’s in Danganronpa would’ve…just been more to grapple with.”

…it was moving the subject a little but…

Kokichi pursed his lips for a moment, before speaking softly. “....you didn’t tell us about you and Miss Crystal discussing medication, or what your stance or decisions about it were.”

Kaito winced at that, hands immediately against each other, massaging the joints. “...yeah. I didn’t.” He admitted.

Dr. Mariah, like Shuichi had been worried about, didn’t want to turn this into an ‘aha, you’re as bad as us’ moment for Kaito either, because convincing Kaito he was allowed to point out his families mistakes without immediately comparing them to his own and picking which one ‘mattered’ more was something they had been working against from the first therapy session onwards… but this did actually seem like something that bore discussing. “I’m unfamiliar with this topic, so correct me if I interpret this wrong: Kaito, are you…” 

Dr. Mariah considered her wording, and changed course, “One on one therapy is inherently understood to be a private thing, and not even family or loved ones are entitled to know the specifics of what goes on within it. However, there is something to reflect on if you’ve found yourself uncomfortable discussing prognosis’s or medications being considered from your immediate family, if only because monitoring medicine and side effects does tend to be the sort of thing that affects those closest to you. Do you feel it’s not something you’d like to discuss with them?”

“And before you feel compelled to answer, the answer is allowed to be yes.” Dr. Mariah stressed, knowing how seriously Kaito took the sense of ‘duty’ when it came to family, “You’re allowed to not want to tell them. But in turn, they’re allowed to ask why, and shutting down all explanations on your feelings on the matter will likely cause more miscommunication in the future.”

Kaito nodded along, his eyes a little glazed over and glassy as she talked, nodding along but clearly planning out what he was saying in advance already. When Dr. Mariah finished, Kaito hesitated, confirming that was all she wanted to say…

“...” and Kaito swallowed, realizing he wasn’t fond of his answer. He already knew this was going to be ‘wrong’... it just didn’t feel wrong to him… 

“..... we really can’t afford having anyone else getting sick…” Kaito whispered. “I can’t be hearing voices or having psychotic episodes or be depressed or an insomniac or whatever latest thing Miss Crystals considering. I can’t. Getting control of my temper was supposed to be the biggest part of it. I’m supposed to be fine after that. One of us needs to be fine.”

Kokichi didn’t feel like he needed a play by play of Kaito’s personal sessions. But…when it got to the point that Shuuichi felt like he needed to storm into Miss Crystal’s office, thinking she was a negligent therapist, thinking they had never talked about medication? When Kokichi watched for months as Kaito worked himself to constant exhaustion, waking up periodically through the night, and thinking he wasn’t even talking to anyone about it?

They needed something. A promise that he was talking to someone, and getting actual suggestions he was considering or testing. A stance on what he’d be willing to try. Because going on as he was…

Kokichi stared at his husband for a moment before sitting up with a grin. “Oh, well if that’s how it works… I’ve decided! I don’t have a heart condition and I don’t have depression or an anxiety disorder or trauma-based anxiety! And because I’ve decided that, here and now, I don’t have to talk to anyone about it, or take any medication, and I’ll be fine! Woooooow, can’t believe it’s just that easy to deal with your issues! Just decide they don’t exist!”

He kept up the grin for a moment before giving Kaito a soft look, relaxing again. “...you know that’s not how it works. And…it feels horrible, having you say I’m using up your sick days. People don’t just choose to be sick or have issues. A diagnosis or theory isn’t what makes people sick. How you choose to be fine is choosing to get help with the issues you have.”

“...” Kokichi sent Kaito a strained, worried look. “...because regardless of your choices to be fine these past months, deciding what to talk about or what to do? You haven’t been fine.”

Kaito cringed at Kokichi’s giddy declaration, immediately wanting to argue that it wasn’t the same! Kokichi would die without his medications! Kaito was just… whining with his stuff. His brain whining! Oh, ‘boo hoo’, he had night-terrors and paranoia and was real fucking saaaad sometimes and, ya know, heard voices sometimes. It wasn’t gonna kill him! 

But he couldn’t say that out loud, because both of his very sad, panic attack ridden, ‘whatever the hell was going on with Maki’ riddled sidekicks were right over there, and… again, it was different! Though, Kaito could admit that why it was different was a little trickier to define between himself and them, versus himself and Kokichi. But it was! They were allowed to be those things! Kaito… needed to be there for them!

… but admittedly, it was really hard to be anywhere for anyone when he felt this strung out all the time…

“You’re not using up my sick days, I just… you’re supposed to be able to rely on me…”

“Ah. Back to ‘expectations’.” Dr. Mariah sighed, “It’s been a while, but that little issue was never going away with one discussion, I suppose. Actually… Maki, would you like to take this one?”

Maki looked over to Dr. Mariah, deeply unimpressed… but she sighed. Knowing what was wanted from her.

“If it was self-destructive and ultimately futile to expect me to do everything and always be on top of things for everyone’s sake, regardless of how effective I was or how I was coping with it?” Maki said, raising an eyebrow at Kaito, “Then what the hell made you think you were going to be the exception? I am waaaaay more competent than you, and I couldn’t do it either.”

“Well, a little meaner than I intended, but that is the gist.” Dr. Mariah said, “Kaito, you can’t be some flawless, unrelenting support unit all by yourself for your family. It’s literally not something you can succeed at long term even as an entirely healthy, well-adjusted individual, and it’s not expected of you if you’re struggling with other things already. You can’t be your families everything, especially when it comes to caretaking. It’s unrealistic, best case scenario you’d burn out. Worst case scenario you do irreparable damage to yourself or them trying.”

“It’s not fair to us to say we need you to do that, either. We’re not invalids.” Shuichi frowned, before amending, “And… even in situations like where Kokichi and I were both having panic attacks at once? Essentially? You still didn’t have to take care of that on your own, we have staff that roam the halls, a medical center right downstairs, literally all the support and help imaginable. It’s really not all on you.”

“Even if you wish it was.” Maki said softly.

Kaito looked away at that. Troubled. 

Kokichi sighed softly. “...your problems aren’t…’lesser’, just because they’re not as immediately life-threatening. Would there be an issue if I was having an attack, and you were the only one there and you did nothing, or left because you were stressed out? Yeah, but…that’s not what you’re doing. It’s you not sleeping or getting proper meals to sit by me while I’m sleeping. It’s you going on as usual when the rest of us don’t have stuff going on when you’re so strung out you can’t think too deeply about anything but the weather.”

“...I do rely on you, hun. Forgive me for using a ‘we’ statement, but,” Kokichi gave Dr. Mariah a nod before looking to Shuuichi and Maki, “I think we can all say we rely on you. I can’t imagine life without you, and not just ‘cause I love you and you’re in contention for my favorite person ever, and you’re cool and admirable and so fucking skilled in so many ways… You do so much for me.”

“...I just wish you’d take care of yourself. There’s some stuff I can’t do for you.”

There was a petulant part of Kaito that wanted to say he thought more than about the weather, when he wasn’t spending time with them…

…but, okay, yes, there were… days. Maybe more consistently than normal, where Kaito could only sit and stare at things if no one needed him to be doing anything. It was just so hard to want to do anything else, he felt lost and tired and aimless on his own. Sitting in the gardens was the most ambitious he could be, some days.

…which, okaaaaaaay, was maaaaaaybe a problem…

“Alright… I mean, I said it before, but, alright, I’ll… me and Miss Crystal will try some of the things she’s been recommending.” Kaito grumbled, huffing a bit, “But I really need to know if the voices thing is a ‘me’ thing or a ‘magic’ thing. Like, it determines which medications I’m taking, Miss Crystal said we really don’t want to give me the wrong ones. And considering I just saw a tiny version of myself running around and I’m pretty sure my husband just read my mind again a second ago, it super could be a magic thing.”

“Am I the other contender for favorite person?” Shuichi mock-whispered to Kokichi, “Who’s winning? Me, right?”

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to bring up with Kaito for a while.” Maki said in lie of nothing, shrugging at the glances at her, “I haven’t before, because it almost doesn’t feel like my business… but if we’re all calling each other out on things today anyway–”

“I’d caution you to think carefully, Maki.” Dr. Mariah said dryly, “This is not about ganging up on Kaito’s problems and insecurities again. Especially as a response to him asking you all to keep him in the loop on things. Is this something you’re actually worried about, or is this you giving into temptation to take digs at him again?”

Maki paused, thinking about it… “I… believe I’m genuinely concerned. Though admittedly, it’s not what you’d call a ‘crisis’. He never talks about it. He doesn’t seem to have any reaction to it at all. And that’s weird. It feels like he should.”

Kokichi let out a small breath of relief, though, as he’d said, Kaito had conceded before. “Thank you. And of course, that’s an important thing to know.” …Kokichi thought for a moment--though he let out a little, “damn,” at hearing he’d accidentally mindread again--before saying slowly, “...it’s probably something to have a longer conversation about later, but…I could try and find out if there’s a way to tell if they’re a magic thing from looking at your memories…”

It wouldn’t even be something Kokichi would ask around about yet. This time…he was going to get full, informed consent from his husband. Be choosy about who he asked and how, if Kaito was okay with that at all. Keep him conscious when they tried. 

Kokichi glanced over at Shuuichi’s mock whisper, smiling a bit. “Obviously it’s you. But the race is too close to call right now--I might have to ask Chibi Kaito to help me tally things up. He won’t have any biases, right?”

Though if that bias was for himself or for Shuuichi was up in the air. 

Straightening as Maki spoke up, Kokichi’s brows furrowed in curiosity before looking over to Kaito, giving his husband a little shrug. “...you’re the only person who can decide your feelings. …as I refuse to do that, anyway.”

Kaito looked equally curious, if a little wary. Something Maki was worried about that he ‘should’ be reacting to— oh. That.

Kaito gave Maki a long suffering look. “Why? What’s the point?”

“What’s the point of me bringing up the dragon thing?”

Dr. Mariah sighed, “Maki, I did just ask that this wasn’t about retaliation.”

“No, that’s not what I mean.” Maki said, rolling her eyes, “I’m just using it as a comparison. Just because I’m not hyperventilating in a corner or falling all over myself weeping doesn’t mean that this isn’t a huge issue in my life and that I’d be better off talking about it with someone I trusted. Have you talked to anyone about this? Because I know you haven’t talked to Shuichi, cause he would have decompressed talking to me about it–”

“I don’t tell you everything.” Shuichi lied.

“-- and you don’t tell Kokichi stuff like this unless it’s all either dramatically pulled from you or is some sort of anecdotal story that comes up based on something he said, and I doubt he has anything that relates to it at all–”

“Lot of assumptions there. Mind reading.”

“So the last two options is you told Waku about it, because that’s apparently the person you talk to these days, or cried about it at some random pub somewhere.” Maki said, “Well? Am I wrong? Did you do one of those things? Or have you not talked to anyone about it?”

Kaito opened his mouth, looking a little offended… closed his mouth… opened it…

He lit up, “I DID go to a pub about it! It was the reason Waku and I even saw each other out there! I TOTALLY cried about it at a pub! Ha! See!? I totally talked about it to someone!”

“To… Waku?” Maki asked, looking genuinely surprised.

“...oh, uh, no. To a random guy that was trying to get me drunk and neg me into sleeping with him.” Kaito realized, deflating a little, “I talked to that guy about it.”

“....”

“He was a really good listener.”

“Kaito, you don’t have to talk about this.” Dr. Mariah stepped in, while Maki gave Kaito a withering ‘you know that’s worse, right?’ look, “If it’s something not bothering you? No one is pressuring you to suddenly develop feelings on demand. If it’s a difficult subject, and you find yourself coping? Good.”

“Dammit, Maki… look, because I know this has all gotten weird and cryptic? And it’s not a secret, everyone knows it happened.” Kaito said, rolling his eyes at Maki in turn, who glared at him, “She’s talking about Togami being executed. And all of… that. Stuff with him. And I’m fine. I don’t feel anything at all about it. I went to a pub, got drunk, cried about it, and now it’s done. I even made a friend! One of the best nights I’ve had all year!”

Maki looked at the rest of the group with an outraged, ‘are you hearing this shit??’ look, gesturing violently towards Kaito. “Now who’s being dramatic.” Kaito grumbled.

Kokichi glanced between Kaito and Maki like a tennis match, even being a mindreader not totally sure what they were talking about. And…that was pretty sad. That there were enough dramatic things that happened that nothing immediately stuck out to him. …and that Kaito…went and cried to a stranger about it? 

His eyes went wide then lowered as the subject finally came out. And…he could understand why Kaito wouldn’t have wanted to talk to him about it. …but Kokichi still wished he had. 

(...come to think of it… It was really strange that Togami drugged Kaito with poppies. And was associated with Danganronpa, working as a spy in Luminary. …he didn’t think Luminary would burn their prisoners to death--that was too much even for a death penalty. Even if…they did do public executions…)

“...calling that a best night all year feels kind of concerning,” Kokichi admitted, “But…if you’ve processed everything? And have moved on feeling okay? Then I’m happy for you, Kai-chan. Everything…it’s complicated. And a lot. I’m glad you’ve come to peace.”

At least right then, Kokichi couldn’t tell if Kaito had just…resolved not to think about it. But he had decided to trust Kaito’s words more than any errant feelings that bled over. So…if Kaito said he had moved on, then Kokichi would have to trust that.

“Ha! See? Thank you, Kokichi.” Kaito said, giving Kokichi an exaggerated bow of his head, before sticking his tongue out at Maki.

“It’s going to catch up to you.” Maki responded darkly, “And when it does, I am going to say I told you so.”

“I’m fine. Togami was a piece of shit that tried to kidnap me, got a shit ton of my friends killed, and was betrayed literally by the people he was working with.” Kaito said, glaring back at her, “What’s there to mourn?  He drugged me. I hurt you guys because of that. And he had nothing worthwhile to say to me…” Kaito’s gaze flickered slightly at that, but he took a breath and it was gone. “There’s nothing worth mourning there. No relationship, no fond memories, no what-ifs and not even a decent person on the other side of it. Fuck him. I hope his trials suck.”

Shuichi frowned, having made his own theories and deductions about Togami ages ago, when he learned what Flora were… but he kept it to himself. If it hadn’t occurred to Kaito yet? And he really was determined to move past it? Why hurt him with a ‘maybe he’s alive’? Kaito and Kokichi might have hangups about ‘secrets’ now, but Shuichi didn’t. Shuichi believed secrets had their place in the world… admittedly, he still preferred to know everyone else's secrets. But that was him being nosy. He loved pursuing the truth. But giving that truth away once he found it only mattered if it was necessary, specifically to help someone or keep someone safe. No one was owed it.

“Okay,” Kokichi said softly. To him…there were a lot of things that could be there. Resentment, hurt, a longing for what could’ve been, guilt (as misplaced as it might be), and just…that dull feeling that came from knowing someone was dead. But if Kaito moved on? Then he had put in the work to get there. Kokichi would be there to listen if Kaito needed to talk, but he wouldn’t drag things up just for the satisfaction of pain. 

Sighing, Kokichi crossed his legs in his egg and rested his chin in his hand. Kaito may be done, but…well, it seemed there were things Kokichi wanted to say. “...I thought about talking to him, a few times while he was in holding. But…every time I really considered it, I just…realized there was nothing I actually wanted to say. I yelled at him enough during…the negotiation, or whatever the hell you’d call it. There was nothing left--I barely knew him.”

“...I don’t feel good when people pass,” Kokichi frowned, glancing at the pond. “...but I’m not exactly missing him.” He could’ve had that feeling still if Togami had just been imprisoned, though. 

(...either way, now… He wasn’t in their lives.)

“Trust me, he didn’t have anything to say if you knew him either.” Kaito grumbled darkly. “I went to see him and he basically acted like I was an idiot bothering him. I told him all he needed to fucking do was ask to stay in Dicea, but nooooooo, after all that bullshit, guess he was totally ready to go his merry way to death. Fucking pointless… all of that was so pointless. God damn freak. He knew Byakuya, he knew what was going to happen. Byakuya was wrong about a lot of shit, but sending Togami away? Having Maki try to kill him? Togami was trash. He was right to get me away from him. God, could you imagine if I had stayed with him? Not that he ever gave me the choice.”

Kaitos’ mood darkened further, stormy and pissed, the more he thought about Togami. There really was no grief there. Or, if there was, it was buried under a thick, impenetrable layer of resentment and anger that had been building since that day at the pub. Ha. Shedding tears for that miserable piece of shit… waste of time. 

“I was too good for that massive waste of space. He wasted so much of my damn time… can’t believe how hung up on him I was. He was ugly, too! Did you all notice that? God, he was ugly. Can’t believe I ever saw anything in him. Makes me shudder he ever touched me. Gross…”

“... can we talk about something else now? I don’t need to talk about Togami. Do we even still need to be here?” Kaito asked, looking a little fed up now, “I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t have it in me to be outraged or angry or sad anymore. Even if there are things to talk about still, does anyone else even have it in them to do it?”

Shuichi and Maki glanced at each other. “... are you sure you don’t want to talk more about what happened four days ago?” Shuichi asked, “That was a lot, remember? You and Kokichi have been a total wreck all weekend.”

“Kokichi, I’m really angry you kept stuff from me when you could have told me.” Kaito said dryly, “There, I said it again. I’ve said it like ten times now. What else is there to say?”

…a lot of resentment, then. 

But Kaito wanted to move on. And that was more important than stewing in anger, though…he hoped that Kaito would let himself express his feelings in some way. If they came up more than when other people talked about it. 

Kokichi sighed softly, still looking a little ashamed, but less of a wreck now as he gave Kaito a nod. But…then he paused. Feeling like this…was probably one of the worst ways to say it. 

“...I have another thing to say, so there’s not any, like…big bombshells in the future. But…it kind of feels like saying it now will feel like a bombshell too.” Uncertain, Kokichi glanced almost pleadingly to Dr. Mariah, before looking back at Kaito. “...is it alright to talk about a…sort of big thing?”

Kaito stopped, his frustration bleeding into concern at Kokichi’s hesitance.

“...oh! Uh.” Kaito sat up, trying to adust, make himself look more stable and less like a child throwing a tantrum as he said, nervous but trying to be even-keeled about it, “...is this about the tub?”

Maybe that was a better way to do it. Ask if someone was ready for something big before just blurting it out. 

Though, Kokichi just blinked, giving Kaito a confused look for a moment before he blushed lightly. “No… No, we talked about that. It’s okay.”

“No, I…” Kokichi took a breath. “...I’ve been to Byakuya’s mind. We had been talking about conditioning, and…my Empath friends and I were concerned that Tengan had been tethered to Byakuya this whole time too, and we just never bothered to check…”

Kokichi shrugged a little. “...something had been going on, but if there were signs of an Empath messing around, they’d been long gone. It was…a little after the start of Late Spring, I think…”

“Oh…” 

There wasn’t alarm in Kaito’s face. Not yet. In fact, he didn’t even really seem surprised. No, that was inaccurate, he was surprised at the confession, but… not at why Kokichi would choose to do that. Kokichi could visit anyone he wanted, so… why wouldn’t he? Kaito would… 

“I don’t really know what ‘tethered’ means… oh, uh, the ribbons? You were checking to see if Byakuya was conditioned? Oh, that’s never occurred to me… thank you for checking on him…” Kaito popped his knuckles, conflicted looking as he said after a moment, “...did he seem okay? Late spring, uh… did he seem…”

Kaito’s eyes suddenly widened, and he paled, “...you didn’t change him, right? C-cause I know he’s kind of a bastard and you don’t like him, but… I mean, he doesn’t have any power anymore, he’s basically just a lord in name in Novoselic, and I… I would get wanting to, but I really don’t feel comfortable with that idea–”

Shuichi’s eyes widened in concern, “Kaito. No, Kokichi wouldn’t do that.”

Kokichi nodded slightly, about to explain about tethering again, but as soon as Kaito paled, Kokichi’s expression darkened. Not angry with the fear, and not angry at Kaito, but…more just angry at the concept. 

“I didn’t,” Kokichi said bluntly, getting that out there first, but not rushed or guilty in doing so. “Every Empath has to determine their own morals, what they see as right or acceptable in exerting their abilities… I consider changing someone to be the same as killing them. It’s something I will never do.”

A small sigh, and Kokichi’s expression eased up a bit. “...I hate your brother, Kai-chan. I think he’s a horrible person. But you love him. So…I’m not going to do anything to him. I…”

Kokichi let out a bigger sigh and ran a hand through his hair, looking…kind of embarrassed and frustrated with himself, honestly. “...I helped him out with a nightmare, while I was there. A tether is a way for an Empath to…keep tabs on a person, to varying degrees. I didn’t want to root around in him, so I waited at his surface consciousness while the scan was going on, and…I helped him out with a nightmare.”

Because even for a person Kokichi despised…he didn’t want to see them suffering.

Dr. Mariah watched all of this carefully, and saw the relief on Kaito’s face before she tasted it in the air. And there was an immediate acceptance in it. Kaito wasn’t worried about Kokichi lying about this. There was no taste of doubt in Kokichi’s explanation.

She honestly found it fascinating that in the face of his husband erasing his brothers core existence and replacing it, Kaito’s immediate and honest reaction was ‘I’d understand, but–’

But then, maybe that shouldn’t surprise her. Kaito was not unused to living closely with unfathomably powerful people. Certain ways of thinking and coping with it were likely well ingrained into him. An acceptance of that power and the devastation it could potential reap, and an understanding that that sort of power could only be negotiated with, not suppressed.

In fact, at least as far as she could see with this session, Kaito didn’t seem too disturbed about any of Kokichi’s abilities in and of themselves. Honestly none of them did. She’d give Maki and Shuichi a pass in that they’d known for a while by this point, but if the fight had happened recently and they had barely talked since then, Kaito seemed extremely unphased by the power stuff.

Fascinating. Just on a conceptual level. Dr. Mariah really was tempted to write that book someday.

“You helped him out with a nightmare… that was kind of you.” Kaito said gently, giving his husband a soft look, “...is he okay? It sounds like this is after he stopped talking to me, and I just… did he seem alright? I don’t have an easy way to get news about him from Noveselic. I can really only ask my cousin when she has time to talk, and I… really don’t want him to hear about me trying to keep ‘tabs’ on him or something, and she might say something thoughtless… did he seem safe?”

Kokichi sighed again, still looking annoyed with himself…but in another breath he let that tension go. “He’s alright. Safe, living comfortably, as far as I could tell. He was stressed out over being a dad--it was before Theor was born, so… That’s normal stress dream stuff.”

…Kaito didn’t need to know that Byakuya had been worried about treating his son the way he and Tengan had treated Kaito. Or that, according to Alter Ego and Temp, Byakuya was kind of obsessed with him. They were secrets, but…they were Byakuya’s secrets. Things private to his mind and…now not putting anyone in danger. And while Kokichi hated him…he wasn’t about to air his deepest personal thoughts and fears. 

Kokichi swung in his egg a little. “...it was purposeful that time, to check that he wasn’t being harassed by other Empaths but… I used to do that stuff a lot. I still don’t really remember most of them that well… I used to feel people having nightmares and just…subconsciously show up and help them out.” Kokichi wrinkled his nose. “...getting me to stop doing that was one of the bigger things my mentor and I have been working on this past year.”

And, you know, trying to learn and refine a completely new method of making defenses in other people that were capable of learning and dismantling conditioning. That was kind of big.

Kaito notably relaxed, soothed that Byakuya appeared to be doing well. In a distant, back of his mind sort of way, Kaito knew he wasn’t supposed to care… but he did. Byakuya had been an absolute dick to him their last conversation (and murdered their parents) (and could have killed Maki) (and helped condition Kaito, he guessed) and Kaito was still mad about that, but… he just wanted Byakuya to be a little nicer to him, not to suffer or be afraid. He also wanted Byakuya to not murder Kaito’s loved ones, but, well… baby steps. It’s not like they had any more parents to kill. 

Get Byakuya to talk to him somewhat decently was step one! Byakuya confirming he’d stop murdering people for his own gain and convenience was step, uh… probably twelve, honestly. Nine if Kaito was being really ambitious.

But they hadn’t even gotten to step one yet, so…

He refocused on what Kokichi was talking about, looking curiously at his husband. “Well, I mean… that’s pretty cute, if I’m honest. It’s nice that subconsciously, you wanted to soothe people who were feeling troubled, babe.”

“Cute, but stupid. I can only imagine how many times Kokichi hurt himself doing that.” Maki huffed, shaking her head disapprovingly, “Your mentor’s biggest flaw is they didn’t reach out to you sooner. Though I suppose better late than never.”

“He’s a golden cat.” Kaito provided generously.

“That’s not an excuse for being late.” Maki decided.

Dr. Mariah was mentally going over her notes. She still had them, for as long as they were willing to indulge her. And while things were significantly calmer now, Dr. Mariah still wanted to make absolute certain that they weren’t about to leave her office– well, roof– today falling right back into the fight they were having when they got here. Kaito was right, he could only say ‘Stop lying to me’ so many times before the accusation lost its meaning, and the others– or, well, Kokichi and Maki– had already apologized. In some ways, that was the end of the discussion.

…but Dr. Mariah knew this was the second of such incidents in a year, and while this time seemed to be easing, as far as emotions went, the fact that it had happened twice in such a short time, despite extensive therapy in between those two incidents, meant there were some root causes she was missing. It might not happen again for a long time, but… Dr. Mariah couldn’t, at this point, say whether or not they’d be right back at this point another nine months from now.

Honestly, even a long session wasn’t going to solve that problem either way. Things took time. But she should start trying to figure out the root causes either way. Chip away at it while the chipping was good.

But how to get there…

“...indulge me in an exercise.” Dr. Mariah said, “This may seem random, but I promise it isn’t. I’d like to know where you all see yourselves, and each other, this time next year.”

“We’ll go one at a time.” She said, pushing her glasses up, “Any volunteers to go first?”

Kokichi sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “In fairness, for a long time the community wasn’t aware I was doing anything, or that the things they caught were really small. I was playing for stealth--so much I didn’t even know I was doing it.” But they had been the causes of more than a few headaches and bad days, if he had to guess. 

Glancing up as Dr. Mariah suggested another exercise, silence fell for a few moments before Kokichi took a breath. Looked like he’d be starting, then. 

“In a year…” And despite starting, Kokichi still took a moment before he shrugged lightly. “...well, I’d like to be working more regularly. Less time than I did before Miya was born, but…back to it, yanno? So we could have Daddy-Daughter time more easily--we’d have go have playdates or go to parks or even just spend time playing or reading or…just spending time together at home.”

A small, wistful smile grew on Kokichi’s face. “...I’d be getting close, if not there, to a healthy weight, and I could finally throw daggers straight, and I wouldn’t have had an attack all year. Shuu-chan’d be back in school, finishing up the summer quarter, and had just sped through a bunch of classes so he’s right on track for where he wants to be and…maybe Kai-chan, Maki-chan, and Tim had just come back from a vacation for Tim’s birthday… Souda and Miu forgot what day you all were coming back, so they were getting impatient to talk to Kai-chan about whatever crazy new invention they’re working on… Maki-chan would be heading over to get all sneaky helping Hina plan for her first anniversary with Sakura-chan…”

Kokichi trailed off, chuckling a little at how much that got away from them. “...though I’m not totally sure what things’ll look like. S’mostly my best guess from what you guys have talked about wanting to do, and stuff you’re already doing.”

Dr. Mariah nodded along with this, her notebook filling with little notes. Kaito gave Kokichi a long, warm look, liking Kokichi’s hopes for his own future. Little ‘Kichi with some meat on him, biceps and wrist control, being a top-tier dad and leader with his health successfully managed…

Shuichi blinked, “Dildo-Miu?”

“She does more than dildos.” Kaito defended her, “And we’re trying to introduce Souda to her so they can do weird inventor stuff together. I think they’d do incredible things, if they get along.”

“A year from now? We should have well moved on from just throwing daggers straight by then. I’m going to be teaching you how to curve them by then.” Maki said, looking sternly at Kokich, “We just need to start practicing regularly again.” 

Kokichi gave Maki a sheepish look before shrugging a little. “I’d like to. And I’d just like to have that mastered by the time a year passes--ideally we’d be able to practice more regularly so we’ll be able to move onto other stuff too. I think all of our hobbies kind of got thrown out of wack this past y…”

Trailing off, Kokichi’s eyes went wide and excited as something hit him. “Oh my god. I had so many ideas for paintings that I can actually do now. I gotta remember what I had planned…”

“You could ask mini-me to bring you all your old ideas.” Kaito pointed out, trying to be helpful. 

“Is that how it works? I suppose it must…” Shuichi pondered, eyes glinting with interest. 

“Thank you for sharing, Kokichi. Would anyone like to go next?”

“...” the Luminaries all looked between each other, waiting for someone to jump in. Maki sighed, kicking the ground and swinging her chair for a moment before pulling her legs back in, sitting cross legged as she lightly swung, “Timothy might go on vacation with us next summer, but I think I’d push more for him joining one of these camp things his friends all went to this summer. I can tell he misses them, and the impression I’ve gotten is that kids pretty frequently do camps every year around here. He shouldn’t have to miss out.”

“Shuichi…” Maki glanced over at her pseudo-brother, “...maybe he’ll still be working on the detective tract, but I suspect this time next year we’ll have it confirmed that he’s a full-time magic nut. He finds this stuff fascinating, and when Shuichi decides to look into something it can be hard to dissuade him. I think the only thing that literally kept him from packing up and going to look into Danganronpa himself was being very pregnant and on house arrest.”

“I was super right about them, by the way.” Shuichi grumbled. “Just so we’re all clear.”

“You were handsome,” Kaito said appeasingly, giving his boyfriend a soft look.

“Kokichi will be throwing curves by then, and he’s going to have a layer of muscle under that new layer of fat, or so help me. He’ll be doing the leader stuff, and all that entails.” Maki shrugged, “Um… he might know how to swim by then, if Kaito and I ever get back to bullying him about that. Particularly when we’re teaching Miyako how to swim.”

“Kaito…” Maki considered Kaito, looking a little less certain, “... will be accidently making his partners fat on pastries, cause he keeps learning pies and pastries when he should be cooking chickens and things.”

“The kitchen already cooks all the protein stuff…” Kaito pouted, as Maki just gave him an unimpressed look. 

“And… oh, one of the PTA parents will have finally bullied him into joining. Cause I’m not doing it, and they drop a bunch of hints every time we talk to any of the parents.” Maki huffed, “I think they just want a token Luminary on the board, now that they have a bunch of Lumnary students.”

There was a meaningful pause.

“...and you, Maki?” Dr. Mariah pressed, “What will you be doing a year from now?”

Maki gave Dr. Mariah a cold look… before she shrugged. “No idea. Raising Tim. Training Kokichi. Listening to Shuichi ramble and making fun of Kaito’s pastry obsession when he doesn’t even eat that stuff.”

“Nothing more specific for you?”

“Envisioning a future for myself is difficult, right now.” Maki sighed, brushing her hair back with her fingers, “I just… can’t yet.”

He probably would work with Chibi Kaito to find all his old ideas, once he was ready to work on them. And…he’d do what Kaito suggested too, using his ability to manipulate the mindscape to thumbnail. The possibilities were…almost literally endless, and it was always easier working from reference. 

…he’d already spoken about the windows, but…hm. Maybe he’d talk to someone about the stance on other kinds of art in Atuan temples…

Kokichi looked over as Maki started laying out her expectations for the new year, smiling slightly. Shuuichi hadn’t spoken for a while about going back to school--it was really just something Kokichi had assumed, since he hadn’t talked about not going back. But if he wanted to pivot into…a paranormal researcher? Kokichi would be delighted to support that too. 

He snorted a bit at Maki mentioning the school PTA--he bet Samantha would be thrilled to have Kaito on-board, not just for better representation, but to have another person ‘on her side’ in the grand war that were PTA meetings. Kaito would absolutely make kick-ass pies that would throw all the other parents to shame. 

But for Maki… There was a reason all the things he’d said before were with other people. Maki…was in limbo right now. She didn’t have a plan or a cause beyond just…being there for their family. Which was a wonderful thing to live for! But…Maki was the type to strive for more, even if she couldn’t right now. 

…maybe wellness would be her next goal. 

“There’s no rush to figure things out,” Kokichi said softly, offering Maki a small smile, “Despite us all talking about it now. There’s already a lot to do without having a bigger plan.”

“There is absolutely no rush.” Kaito stressed right after Kokichi, though his was less soft and more ‘desperately earnest’, “Seriously. I don’t think the world can handle another ‘Big Maki Project’ within the next year anyway.”

“The next ‘project’ doesn’t have to be world changing…”

“I agree! It super-duper doesn’t! You literally bullied Luminary into changing its structural backbone to its economy and, like, apparently freed an entire magical community in Luminary on top of all the Indentured citizens! Like… you have earned a break!”

“According to that book, Maki changed the geological landscape of Luminary too, once,” Shuichi mused, “Apparently we used to have mountains like Dicea.”

“That wasn’t me.” Maki huffed, looking annoyed, “Anything I can’t remember doing, I don’t claim credit or responsibility for. Doubly-so if I had to have the ability to breathe fire to accomplish it.”

“It makes me feel way better to think her Aunt Maki is living in her head, so forgive me if I decide to think of the dragon in Miyako as ‘you’.” Kaito stressed dryly. “But, you do get what I’m saying, right? You asked me to help you make choices. As someone who swore to do that, I am saying deciding not to choose is super fucking fine and please for the love of Atua don’t go fighting any more countries.”

“No promises.” 

“Why did you ask me then!?”

At this, Maki smiled. Looking, oddly enough, genuinely reassured by the outrage as she said, “Because you love me, and you’re just enough of an asshole to actually follow through on the request. Kokichi and Shuichi would never override my decisions if I needed them too. You would.” 

“Oh… well, yeah.” Kaito said, calming down, rubbing the back of his neck a little sheepishly. Being called an asshole was one thing, but someone counting on him for it? “...well, yeah. Then no fighting countries. At least for a year.”

“I’m going to go fight Danganronpa just to spite you.”

“The hell you will.”

“Alright, alright.” Dr. Mariah said, steering them back, “Shuichi? Would you like to go next?”

“Hmmm…” Shuichi sighed, closing his eyes, trying to envision it, “...Miyako’s too young for pre-school by then–”

“She’ll only be one!”

“I just said that Kaito. Anyway, I suppose we’ll be teaching her swimming and walking and all the jock beginner stuff. I’ll have her reading by two–”

“What?? Can you… is that realistic??” Kaito fretted, worried about too much pressure being put onto his baby by his nerd boyfriend. Swimming by one? Sure! Reading by two? Uhhhhhhh.

“Kaito, it’s my turn. Anyway, I suppose I will complete my detective-track education, if only because it’s incredibly frustrating to not be recognized legally as one in Dicea after spending my whole life doing it. So I’ll be working at that. But… Maki may have a point. Magic is fascinating… I suppose I’ll be working out right alongside Kokichi, so maybe my weight will be more under control by then. Kokichi can have some of the weight I’ll shed. Hmmm… I guess I don’t see anything more complicated than that for me, personally.”

“Kaito… will somehow have managed to have had another kid by then–”

“I am literally shooting blanks right now.”

“That’s why, if we use this year as a start to an observational pattern, we can only assume it’ll be one additional child somehow, rather than two. And… I think he’ll have found some sort of project by then. Kaito isn’t historically inactive, and a version of himself that isn’t constantly battling sleep deprivation and isn’t spending all of his time on us?” Shuichi shrugged, before looking to Kokichi, “Kaito doesn’t take enough credit for the things he accomplished back in Luminary. ‘Supporting’ his ‘sidekicks’ was rarely just giving them emotional support: it was closer to the support he shows Seiko. He aided in the creation of projects, negotiated for things on their behalf, solved problems they ran into. Sure, most of that was financial, and I know he’s going to argue that’s why he’s not doing those things anymore–”

Kaito dropped his finger, having been about to interrupt. Pouting a little.

“-- but I think it’s more because he hasn’t had the headspace and time to find or contribute to those ideas anymore. Once he’s mentally in a better place? I’m calling it now: sidekicks are absolutely becoming a thing again.”

“And Maki’s going to be off fighting Danganronpa and Kokichi’s going to be working more on his leadership stuff, but also…” Shuichi paused, trying to think bigger, “...be submitting pieces to galleries by then. Because he’s an excellent artist and his work should be proudly displayed from more than our bedroom walls.”

“I love the art idea, Maki’s not going to Danganronpa.”

“Fight me.” Maki said dryly.

“I will!!”

It might be life-changing in some capacity, but jokes and actual semi-seriousness aside? Kokichi did think that the next task Maki took on would be smaller in scope. Though, considering she’d just overthrown an entire nation’s government, that scope could still be ridiculously big. 

He just hoped it wouldn’t have her leaving them for months on end again. 

As for how Shuuichi saw their future? 

Honestly, Kokichi would consider it an accomplishment if Miyako was regularly talking to them by two. Apparently choosing to use his words had been something Kokichi had struggled with as a toddler, and not for lack of development for once. Why speak when sending intent--and influencing people--was so much faster with less room for misunderstanding? There were a few things he’d take over her learning to read. 

Finishing school and doing magic research at the same time was far from being too much on Shuuichi’s plate, and Kokichi was looking forward to working out together again. They could collapse together and join their voices together to whine at Kaito to pass them drinks. 

And Kaito…

Kokichi looked over fondly at his husband. He hoped he got to see more ‘sidekick’ action. What that looked like here. Kaito already could magnetize people so easily…he really was a caretaker in every part of him. With all the buzzing energy--when Kaito was having a stretch of good days, and not the energy that came from more manic swings--Kokichi could see how it practically burst from him, trying to find ways to support people. 

Kokichi gave Shuuichi a half-amused look at Maki going off to fight Danganronpa, but flushed lightly as he decided something for him. He liked his paintings enough but…galleries? No…

Shrugging bashfully a little, Kokichi rubbed a red cheek. “I don’t think that galleries would really want them…”

“What? Why not?” Kaito asked, brow furrowed, looking genuinely confused by Kokichi’s hesitance, “The point of galleries is to show good art, right? Your art is great, you’re overqualified if anything! And that’s just what you’ve done so far, your empath abilities could give you a new way to approach it, add something dynamic to your skillset that’ll shine through in your future pieces! What gallery wouldn’t want that?”

“Kaito, would you like to give your version of the future? One year from now?”

“Well, I’m pretty sold on this art gallery stuff now, I’ll tell you what…” Kaito huffed, “But, otherwise… oh, ya know what? I bet Kokichi’s administration team will grow when he starts getting more involved in the day to day stuff again. Kokichi’s twenty-one, going on twenty-two by that point? And he’s not being a self-imposed hermit and climbing the walls when he wants to explore things anymore. King Ouma’s going to recognize that Kokichi’s ready to start tackling greater responsibility and more management stuff, especially since he’s already got the record and research aspect of governing mastered. Aiichi’s probably just been waiting for Kokichi to be more stable in his personal life to give him the type of responsibilities that would require a team and management skills.”

Thinking about it more, he continued, “And, ya know… so long as he gets access to the classes that teaches him the difference in laws, I bet you anything if we just talked to the university, we could make a serious argument that Shuichi’s life experience in Luminary should count for certain credits towards his degree. We could maybe negotiate certain knowledge testing exams that will lesson the amount of semesters he has to take towards his degree? Shuichi’s been a detective his whole life, we just have to prove to Dicean education that his experience translates. A year from now he might straight up have his degree, depending on what we can negotiate…”

“And before she left, Maki was really excited to be working in security, when she was working with Kokichi. Maki, maybe there’s something there for you to explore. If not strictly security, then something that would make use of your skills as a skilled athlete, at least. You still like physical activity more than, like, getting into something technical or bookkeeping, right? Maybe we could get you more involved in things like the dojo that Hina goes too, maybe run trainings there or get you involved in tournaments, or maybe some sort of sports team. Nadya could give us advice on how someone qualifies for that, and no matter what sport you went for, you’d absolutely excel…”

Dr. Mariah watched Kaito think their futures through curiously, before finding herself prompting again, “And you?”

“Oh, uh… taking care of Tim and Miya.” Kaito nodded, “A year from now? If they don’t go to camp, maybe I can try to, like, make some fun group activities for Tim, the girls, and the Luminary kids? Maki’s siblings? Be able to check in on how they’re doing more regularly by seeing them for group projects, maybe bring Miyako and Addason to play together while the big kids run around… maybe I’ll have a new haircut?” Kaito shrugged, running his hand through his hair, “I’ve been rocking the half-spikes a long time, but I’ll be near my mid-twenties. Gotta update the look eventually.”

“Watch.” Maki sighed, “He’s going to pick something even more ridiculous and impractical.”

His art wasn’t…that…great. It was just…a small hobby he picked up because he could do it at home. Because sometimes he wished he could save the view from his window, or because the view wasn’t enough. Because he was lonely and wanted to create other worlds instead. 

Kokichi was a leader! And he knew that didn’t mean he couldn’t take up other passions in life, he could look to other leaders to see that even if the only one he’d seen in life poured his everything into the job, but…he’d never devoted himself to his art. It didn’t make his art…lesser, but…

…he just didn’t think anyone else would want to see them. They were nothing special. 

Still, Kokichi just flushed deeper at Kaito’s insistence. 

Growing more in his duties, though… He couldn’t help but sigh a bit. If Aiichi was thinking that way, that probably meant he’d be asked to come to court more, relegating research to other people in, like, routine meetings like what Hideki did. It…had been kind of fun, working with Nadya and Shuuichi for the brief time they were working together, so he wasn’t exactly adverse to having more of a team, but…ugh. Court.

But Kokichi wasn’t the only person Kaito actually had…thought out plans for. More than a nebulous idea of the future. Out of all of them…Kaito had a plan. 

(Maki had time to settle and figure things out, but…he did think she would benefit from having something going on for herself. Getting re-involved with the dojo like she’d been doing before she left would be a good step, he believed.)

And Kaito himself…

Kokichi smiled softly. “I like the spikes. But…I wouldn’t be opposed if you decided on a look that didn’t mean you spent a half-hour on your hair every morning.”

“Beauty takes time, Kokichi. You and Shuichi are the exceptions. Maki spends time doing her hair.”

“It’s mostly just drying it.” Maki sighed, running her hand through her extremely well taken care of locks, “I’m not going out with wet hair. Might as well brush it while I dry it.”

“Can you not back me up at all? I know you spend time on your hair. Looking as regularly put together as stunning as we both always do takes effort. We don’t all just luck into it like these two.” Kaito huffed, gesturing to Shuichi and Kokichi with some exasperation. “What’s so embarrassing just admitting you look nice on purpose?”

“Don’t project your insecurities on me, Kaito.”

As Maki and Kaito quipped back and forth, Dr. Mariah considered the answers. Collectively, they all seemed to agree that Kokichi was going to be working (understandable), that Shuichi would be at some point in his education (if he wasn’t obsessing over his personal research), that Mak would still likely be resting (if maybe with an established hobby), and that Kaito… well, actually, Kaito seemed to be the most uncertain of them, collectively. But the greater opinion was that he’d very likely be focusing on the children.

There was maybe nuggets of greater truths in their expectations of themselves and each other, but unfortunately Dr. Mariah hadn’t been able to grasp anything substantial enough to work with.  She needed to get into the core of how they saw each other… maybe. It actually might end up having nothing to do with each other as individuals, their treatment of each other, but actually more just personal hangups that would have them act on these patterns regardless of who was on the other side. 

Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

“Thank you for trying the exercise. I’m trying to get a better understanding of your ideas and expectations of each other, so I may ask more questions in that vein in the future. I’d ask you all to bear with me.” Dr. Mariah said, adjusting her dress a little.

“Can I ask why?” Shuichi asked.

Dr. Mariah peered at Shuichi, weighing her options in her head. It was sometimes a bad idea to tell her patients what she was digging for, because sometimes they became resistant to questions if they knew the purpose… but now that Shuichi had asked, he and Maki would likely become more resistant just on principle, if she didn’t answer in some way. So… “You all have certain patterns that are emerging. While one aspect of therapy is introducing coping techniques and alternative methods to handling conflicts between each other as a group, the other aspect of it is finding root sources to our behaviors and working through them so that our reactions to them stop being the default impulse.”

“So… you’re trying to figure out why we’re all fucked?” Kaito asked, “Cause, like, I am fully ready to blame our parents. Mentors too.”

“Childhood issues do tend to play remarkably large roles in adult decision making.” Dr. Mariah agreed, “But discoring these core issues tends to be an involved and long process, and childhood difficulties are usually only one part of it.”

Kokichi had heard a whole lot of all that in his personal sessions. Digging into his childhood was an ongoing, messy ordeal. Honestly, even getting an explanation (secondhand as it was) about how medical treatment in Luminary was, Dr. Egami was still astonished that Kokichi had the easiest time trusting healers out of his family. It was a good thing that he could trust the people that were there to help him, but…even with the newer restrictions on castle medical staff, there was just…so much that could leave Kokichi feeling like he could never go to the med bay. 

But. Anyway. That was just one issue. And Kokichi had plenty from his childhood. 

And as Dr. Mariah mentioned it, Kokichi squirmed uncomfortably before folding his hands in his lap and taking a bracing breath. “I…think I realized one of those things earlier? Like…”

Kokichi narrowed his eyes a little, though he didn’t direct it at anyone. “...you’re right, Kai-chan, that…at the very least, I should’ve found a way to tell you about Miya as soon as I found out. And…you literally did that, when you found out unbelievable stuff. And…I think I just kind of…lumped all that in with ‘I’ll explain when I can about everything else’ ‘cause…”

“...I think I’ve been projecting some of my childhood insecurities on her,” he admitted with a sigh, clasping the end of his shirt. “I was…so focused on making sure that she’ll be normal in how we treat her. Because…I was so othered for…a lot of reasons, my whole childhood and…” Kokichi’s brows drew down. “...it sucked. A lot. Feeling like there’s a wall between you and your peers. I don’t want her to feel like that. But…it’s not fair to her to ignore what does make her different.”

Kaito gave Kokichi a concerned look, immediately wanting to reassure as he said, “‘Kichi, our bouncing baby girl isn’t… she’s not separate from us. She’s just… she’s…” Kaito paused, looking a little uncomfortable, before shrugging, “Honestly? She’s more. Maybe not more than you guys, but definitely more than me and the other average schmucks. She’ll need extra consideration for what she can do, but, like… none of us were ever gonna, like, punish her for it…”

“I’m certain that if Kokichi had been put into a position to explain himself before, he might have come to the same conclusion,” Dr. Mariah said, “But a lot of our patterns and habits are more emotional impulses than logical conclusions. That’s why discussing root causes can be so important: Kokichi’s impulse was to protect his daughter from being ‘othered’, as he himself was. I’m certain…”

Dr. Mariah stopped herself. Mind reading, she mentally scolded herself. “Actually, scratch that. Kokichi? I started speaking for you, which is unhelpful. If you’re comfortable, can you share what your worst case scenario was? If you had shared Miyako’s circumstances with your family before you were ready?”

“With Kaito,” Shuchi corrected her, “he did share it with us.”

“Mmm… not willingly, not based on the stories I’ve been told.” Dr. Mariah frowned, “That’s actually maybe another thing to discuss. Kokich didn’t just hide his and Miyako’s circumstances from Kaito alone. As far as I can tell, he told no one until some version of Shuichi pressured it out of him, and then, albeit unwittingly, spilled that secret to Maki. Kokichi didn’t voluntarily give that information to anyone who wasn’t already in the know for alternative reasons, or forced it out of him. That’s not a fear of specifically Kaito. That’s a fear of everyone.”

It wasn’t exactly punishment he had been thinking about…when he considered it at all.

Cringing a bit at Dr. Mariah calling out ‘fear’, Kokichi dithered in a helpless shrug for a moment. “Well…actually… As soon as I found out what I could do as a baby, I asked my friend to tell my dad, and he did that, like…literally the next day. But…”

Kokichi let out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. “It was more like…nothing about that information was…important enough to rush to tell people. Ikuo was a safeguard, in case I couldn’t remember by the time Miya was born. It was… Nothing seemed like it was life-threatening, or like we’d mistreat her not knowing, so…it could wait until I could explain everything.”

…but…it wasn’t just ‘unimportant’ so…what was he scared of? 

Kokichi’s shoulders sagged. “...I knew none of you would…think badly of her because of what other Flora have done. That’s an awful way to make judgements on anyone, and…she’s our daughter. I knew none of you would love her less, knowing everything.”

It wasn’t that. So…what?

…

Kokichi paused, narrowing his eyes questioningly at himself. “...did I just not want to be the last person to know?”

Everyone quietly watched him, before his pause went long enough to realize that Kokichi was genuinely asking. If not them, then himself. 

“It’s an understandable fear. Being left out of a larger understanding, especially one shared by everyone else in your own community, can be an isolating and alarming feeling.” Dr. Mariah said, her tone gentle, “And if we consider the version of you asleep as a separate person from the version of you awake, he may have just been trying to spare you the discomfort of everyone else knowing something you didn’t. Especially if you weren’t ready to be told, which I am assuming you weren’t, since… well, you didn’t take any measures to let yourself in the waking world in on what was going on.”

“I’m still curious what actually sparked your awakening, Kokichi.” Shuichi said, looking curious, “It wasn’t that long before it happened where you were asking me to think up decorations for your meditation room to start working on it. You’ve only been actively trying to remember a short time, I thought it would take longer. I was completely taken off guard when it happened.”

“Maybe whatever decoration ideas Kaito gave him were really effective.” Maki shrugged.

Kaito gave her a slightly baffled look, “I… decorated what now?”

…that was super selfish. If it was true. Sure, it would’ve been terrifying, being the only one left out of the loop, but…it would only be when he was awake. And…Miyako was Kaito and Shuuichi’s daughter; he was their partner and friend. They deserved to know. 

Tugging on his hair anxiously as he tried to work things out, Kokichi glanced up with a wane smile. “I went to go see a healer Empath when I decided to actively work on remembering--she’s helped me before, passing on some exercises I could do to self-asses and…well, stretch without straining myself mentally. And she said that if I had decided to remember, but I didn’t? Then I wasn’t being honest with myself about wanting to remember. So she recommended making a mental meditation room and…I went to you guys for suggestions.”

Kokichi gave Kaito a soft look. “...your suggestions were really good. I never actually finished making the room but…I still like being there.”

He had stumbled into self-reflection otherwise. 

Sighing, Kokichi closed his eyes for a moment. “...I asked you if you’d rather just…forget some of the stuff that happened this year. When we were talking, before… And when you guys asked it back…” He opened his eyes a bit, looking at the pond. “...I said that I wouldn’t. Because even the horrific, painful, scary things… Even if I have nightmares now I never had before, or days that are bad in a new way…all those memories are a part of me. Without them…I’m not me. So…”

“...I think that was my decision.”

Dr. Mariah really could help but chuckle at that a little. Her laugh soft and bell-like.

“Self reflection is important, and meditation can be the answer for some people… but it really is amazing, how effective just talking things out with other people can be. So long as the people you’re speaking to are acting in good faith, it can be like self-reflection on steroids.”

While Dr. Mariah was endlessly amused with the circumstances of Kokichi remembering, Kaito, in turn, seemed concerned. Almost frustrated, as he listened to Kokichi explain himself.

“... you came to ask me for help, and I gave you decorating tips?” Kaito asked, brow furrowed, “I really didn’t tell you anything else? Not to… talk to me? Or seek help, or… just how to make a nice room to think in?”

The room had been because he couldn’t ask people--not without going through a few steps. And…how they came across the subject was…well, talking with Kaito about his issues. The room was something Kokichi could devote action to. The conversations had been lucky to happen. 

Though…they probably could’ve tried to set something up…

Kokichi frowned softly, glancing up at Kaito. “...You… Well, being a memory, that version of you had my memories too. So…you agreed that it was shitty I was keeping it from you, but…” He sighed, trying to remember exactly what Kaito had said. “...you weren’t happy, but said we’d figure it out. And that…things would be okay when I asked for your forgiveness. …said I was dealing with a lot.”

“You were excited at the idea of the room--said that people needed space to know their best and be the best, and…we talked about my birthday a little.” Kokichi shrugged softly, looking away. “...then, I was convinced that this was the path to remembering, so…that version of you probably believed that too.”

Kaito still frowned at that… before his lips thinned, glancing away from them. Not in the sense he was pissed at them, but his mind was racing with what that information meant… “I had access to your memories, but mine too, right? It’s… not like you were talking to something like mini-me? It was a version of me-me?”

“It was a version of you-you, yes,” Kokichi said quietly. “If I make a memory in my own mind…well, I’m against tethering just for fun, so that version of a person would be my accumulated knowledge and best guesses about what that person is like. If I draw a memory while I’m already in someone? Then they are completely themself, with all memories and personality, but with my knowledge too. It…makes it easier to explain everything, that way.”

“...” Kaito huffed, crossing his arms, “...I wouldn’t just tell you to not get help cause you feel like that’s the best option.”

“You wouldn't?” Maki asked, raising an eyebrow, “You do tend to defer to Kokichi as a default.”

“Not when it comes to this sort of shit.” Kaito said, giving Maki a somewhat dirty look, “If he’s given a choice, Kokichi always decides to not ask for help and try to take care of his shit himself. It’s one of the most infuriating things about him. No offense, beautiful. It’s just something you super do, and for some fucking baffling reason everyone around you is always, like, yeah, totally, you don’t need to fucking tell anyone about anything, you got this Kokichi, good luck with all that self-destruction you’re doing.”

“That… feels like an exaggeration,” Shuichi said, his tone a mix of dry and a little cautious. He could recognize Kaito getting riled up, agitating himself. 

“Uh, no. It’s not.” Kaito said, voice snapping a little, crossing his arms over his chest, “I mean, I get why, to an extent. Kokichi’s body can react really violently to heavy emotions, I get that. But Kokichi just as often destroys himself slowly, over time, while every else fucking… politely keeps their distance. Like he’s going to come to them someday. Even you guys do it, during therapy! It drives me crazy! Kokichi never has to talk about stuff he doesn’t feel like talking about, but you all emotionally beat the shit out of me when I try that!”

“Try again.” Maki said.

Kaito paused, a little confused… before he looked sheepish, a little ashamed, “Oh, right, uh… thanks, Maki, yeah, that’s not how I meant that to come out. I’m not trying to accuse anyone of anything, and I’m not saying you guys are nicer to Kokichi or something like that, it’s not, like… a favoritism thing. But I do stand by the idea that people tend to overcorrect by letting Kokichi try to solve his problems by himself. And I usually have to go out of my way to get him to stop. So… the fact that I didn’t, when I had the chance too…”

“Perhaps that version of you saw something he approved, about Kokichi’s circumstance,” Dr. Mariah said, “If you’re trusting yourself that you would have intervened had you recognized the problem, then perhaps you need to take it a step further and trust that the version of you who had the full story did think that Kokichi was handling the problem in the best way available.”

“...” Kaito’s brow pinched, trying to imagine what that Kaito had been thinking, “...I guess… just cause Kokichi wasn’t going to us for help… didn’t mean he didn’t have help…”

Maybe in the past, but…these days? Kaito might defer to Kokichi if the subject was something Kokichi knew a lot about. And at the very least he’d take what he said into consideration. But…when it came to helping people… Kaito had been saying that from the start--you didn’t just assume everything was dandy if someone refused your help. You just had to think about it another way. 

And he was really behind that stance…specifically because of the kind of shit Kokichi tended to pull. 

Kokichi cringed a little in the face of Kaito’s outrage and…

…honestly it hurt a little. He was right, they did tend to gang up on him to talk about things, but…Kokichi felt like he did talk about difficult things for him a lot too. The things he wanted to keep hush-hush now weren’t because they were difficult, but because he wanted to protect other people, and the only other thing he could remember off the top of his head was not wanting to talk about their wedding night when they first opened up talking about their sex lives, and Kokichi had only requested that they not talk about it first.

…but Kaito wasn’t really mad at him, about this. He was…disappointed in himself. 

Kokichi sighed softly. “...my mentor and our friend have been helping me out for months… I honestly owe them more than I can likely repay. And…I’ve talked to a few others in the community when I had questions or needed help with things.” At that Kokichi groaned softly, rubbing his forehead. “...like…don’t even get me started on shards. That was such a huge mess…and I will tell you guys about it, but it’s its own whole thing and…I’ll tell you later. But…I did get help with it.”

“...honestly…I could just…give you guys the knowledge I’ve gotten over the past year,” Kokichi said dully, looking across the group. “It’d probably be more comprehensive than me just…blurting out things as I remember them. But…I don’t think that’s a good way for us all to actually communicate with each other. It’s facts, but…life is a lot more than facts. And…I have no idea what that’d do to you physically either, and if I, already having gotten some trickle of it, and am an Empath, and they’re my memories still had a panic attack and just…melted down for a day. I’m not exactly interested in testing that out on you guys.”

Shuichi’s eyes widened in interest. “I mean… it’s not the worst ide–”

“No.” Kaito frowned, brow pinching, “Veto. Not happening.”

“What? Why? Kokichi can literally just drop knowledge into our–”

“Kaito says no.” Kaito insisted, temple throbbing a little, “Okay, you’d have to give me more time to explain why, cause I’m not entirely certain, but… something about that immediately screamed ‘bad idea’ to me. Like, cause… what if he does that and we suddenly get all his memories for the last however long this has been going on? What if every fact comes with the memory of how he learned it? Kokichi shouldn’t lay bare his whole damn life in front of us, just to get us up to speed quicker.”

“Not to mention if as an empath he gets migraine and nosebleeds doing this stuff, who knows what it would do to us normies.” Maki pointed out. “Kokichi could hurt us by accident.”

“You’re a dragon.”

“I’m really not.”

Kokichi nodded, accepting the consensus. He’d laid out his own concerns about why he wasn’t rearing for it, but…well, he supposed he just wanted to let them all know that it was an option. Laying everything out on the table, as it were. But…there was too much unknown about how a knowledge drop on a non-Empath would work, and…

…it didn’t feel like cheating, in that it really was a faster, better way, and Kokichi just had moral and safety reservations. It felt like cheating in…that it would probably create a lot of new problems, and wouldn’t give them the tools to solve the problems they already had. Kokichi was actually quite looking forward to sharing memories with his family, but…no knowledge dumps. They’d actually talk to each other. 

“I guess…” Kokichi said, trailing off after a moment. “...I have my memories back…or, like, I have access to them again. And…I can more literally search my mind for memories, more than a non-psychic. But…there’ll still be things I’m explaining poorly, or that I don’t remember all the details of, or things that I’ve just straight up forgotten. I’m not gonna knowledge dump, so… Just keep in mind, I guess, that…everything I’m telling you isn’t the end-all be-all.”

“I’m trying to be comprehensive but…” He let out a deep sigh. “It’s a lot.”

“Well, sure… you can do cool mind tricks, but that doesn’t make you an encyclopedia babe.” Kaito reassured, not having been expecting that, personally. Hell, Shuichi had been a walking encyclopedia most of their lives, and even he still got it wrong sometimes.

Shuichi, in turn, just pouted some more. Damn… so close to, just, instant knowledge. The dream.

Maki was idly watching the koi fish for a bit, her mind flitting from subject to subject… “Kokichi, why were you alone and ‘other’ all the time growing up?” She asked, looking inquiringly over to him, “Normally I wouldn’t ask. Childhood should be shaken off early and thoroughly, in my opinion. But if it’s influencing fears for Miyako, I suppose it matters still.”

“It’s cause he was sick all the time.” Kaito said automatically, before catching Dr. Marah’s eyes and grinning sheepishly, “Sorry, sorry, I… yeah, didn’t mean to answer for him. That was just what I’ve come to understand by this point.”

Maki shrugged. “I suppose I’m just having a hard time envisioning it, having been tripping over children my whole life. Those little monsters don’t usually have the self preservation skills to avoid the sick. I’ve seen kids play with other kids snot bubbles. It’s truly horrifying.”

…honestly, Kokichi was half-surprised by the question, and…he wasn’t annoyed by Kaito piping in. He just nodded a bit, looking kind of tired, though there was a small, sad smile on his face. “It was ‘cause I was sick, and…not sick in a way people usually talk about a lot. And ‘cause I was the heir, but not…out and about all the time… ‘Cause my mom died in a horrific way that’s shameful for people, and ended up drastically changing the structure of…everything? ‘Cause I was the kid of someone declaring war.”

He shrugged slightly. “There was enough going on that there was probably some sort of combination that resonated poorly with someone.”

“I was sick and couldn’t come out often. And…I mean, the rumors got kind of out of hand over the years, but…people had been talking about how a stiff wind could kill me for years. Even for kids not fussed about germs…hearing and making the connection that they could die if they’re near me is a lot. And even if they don’t understand, they still know when people talk about someone being wrong or broken. Add in that I was usually next to my father or a guard during festivals and no one really felt like jumping through those hoops so much just to talk to some kid who wasn’t interesting anyway…”

Kokichi looked to the side and put his cheek in his hand, shrugging a little. “Lotta rumors and misconceptions. And I’ve never been the easiest person to talk to.”

“Tsk. They missed out.” Kaito said, nose wrinkling in judging distaste. “Cute, quiet kid surrounded by guards and an air of mystery? I’d have been all over you.”

“Can confirm.” Maki and Shuichi said at the same time, before giving each other mildly startled looks. Maki continuing, “I probably wouldn’t have bothered, myself, but knowing my luck, you’d have spotted me in a crowd and suddenly decided to test all your terrible social skills on me.”

“I’d have met you through Maki or Kaito.” Shuichi shrugged… before smiling lightly, “But I bet we would have been fast friends anyway. We have a lot in common.”

“Though, man, the rumor mill around Kokichi was intense when we first got here,” Kaito recalled, thinking back, “I think someone told me they thought you were dead. I don’t remember who it was, but they just straight up thought you had been dead for a while. Which is madness. All they had to do was wait in the market for five minutes and you would have zoomed by at some point.”

“Even if it’s unrealistic for our children to experience the same hardships and aches that we went through ourselves, wanting to protect them specifically in ways that our own parents failed to protect us is a common, and entirely understandable, instinct.” Dr. Mariah jumped in, “And, despite Miss Harukawa’s belief that childhood is something you can ‘shake off early’, I wouldn’t be surprised if you all weren’t making decisions based on that in similar ways.”

“Maki and I’s childhood followed us to Dicea.” Shuichi said grimly. “And they are in full tourism mode.”

“Kokichi’s childhood kinda literally only just ended. Like, to the point where I got real… cradle robber vibes.” Kaito admitted, eyebrow twitching slightly, “Yeah, finding out that the age of adulthood in Dicea was twenty reaaaaallly fucked with me. Kokichi was engaged to me before he was even old enough to consent. Nnnngh.”

“I guess only Kaito doesn’t have any leftover authority figures from his childhood, huh?” Maki noted.

“Yep! Everyone who raised me is dead~” Kaito grimly grinned.

Kokichi would’ve been a third voice in the chorus, had he not opted to knowingly nod instead. If they had ever gotten a chance to even see each other in their childhoods (other than…what did happen), Kaito would’ve latched onto him immediately. And Kokichi…he wouldn’t have had a single clue what to do. Probably hide behind Lake. Who would’ve adored Kaito so…not a very good hiding place. 

But…eventually, they would’ve been friends. Kokichi just had a good feeling about it. It wasn’t like rumors were things that scared them off. 

Kokichi grimly smiled at Dr. Mariah’s comments, honestly…feeling foolish. He’d already had this exact conversation…but he had been so focused on his family that he never thought to apply it to himself. At least it was something he was learning before Miyako would remember it. 

But…your parents didn’t have to be around for you to still carry the weight of your childhood with you. “...I mean,” Kokichi said softly, not really wanting to just…roll over the fact that Kaito’s parents and mentors were dead. “...we compare all the time about how we want to raise Miyako compared to how we were raised. That’s more of a focused version, but…still.”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely.” Kaito grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. It was hard to not sometimes get caught up with Shuich and Maki and the way they just sometimes… dismissed the seriousness of a situation. At least verbally. His sidekicks sense of humor together could often be their most endearing, and most infuriating, traits. And it was one Kaito used to enjoy sharing with them.

But, well, their collective lives had gotten super tragic lately, so not a lot of stuff was all that funny anymore.

“Was us sharing childhood hangups for our own kids a, like, ‘hypothetical’ thing, or…” Maki asked, “Is that what we’re doing now?”

“Did you have an example in mind to share, Maki? Please, share.”

Maki frowned, looking vaguely annoyed– she had just been asking, she didn’t have anything in mind– but seeing the others wait for her to answer, Maki considered it. “... Mr. Nidai had specific ways of training me. Raising me. I’ve never held it against him, I understand what he was trying to save me from, the horrors he was trying to spare me, even if it cost me my life. When I first was given Timothy, I had no personal qualms with the idea of using those practices on Timothy as well.”

“...but almost immediately, I found myself… faltering.” Maki frowned, looking frustrated with the memories, “The first time I realized our Timothy is hiding a thick layer of sass behind that calm demeanor of his, I knew I’d have to take pains to break it down. He could have a personality with his peers, but not us. Assassin apprentices needed to be tools. Only as aware and expressive as was useful for training or missions. But Tim was sarcastic, and prone to thinking for himself, and taking action, and the fucking pranks… if Mr. Nidai had been in charge of him, Tim would have been buried in a hole for however long it took for him to forget how to be sarcastic. At one point I was even looking for a space that would be adequate for it…”

“...” Maki sighed, “I couldn’t do it. I kept making excuses and putting it off, and eventually I realized I just wasn’t going to do it. A lot of my lessons followed suit. I knew what I should do, and I couldn’t. And then Kaito got squeamish at the few lessons I could follow through on–”

“I couldn’t let it go on, Maki. It was either me talking to you about it, or someone else eventually would have.” Kaito muttered. “And they wouldn’t have been wrong. Neither was I.”

“--and after that my tolerance to train and raise Timothy properly, how I was raised, just… dwindled.” Maki shrugged, running her hand through her hair, sighing. “And then Mr. Nidai showed up. And I keep thanking that layabout Atua that Mr. Nidai is apparently fully content to be entirely distracted with Dicean cuisine and massage parlors. I just… can’t handle the idea of Timothy being made like myself, now. Not that I know a better way to do it. Raising Timothy feels like I’m constantly making things up. It’s infuriating.”