“No, I started remembering because Kaito asked a question that was directly counter to what I’ve been doing for thousands of years, and instead of just saying no, because I try to be far too delicate and managerial with your feelings, I inadvertently took the lessons your defense taught you to find your shards, and looked within myself…allll the fuckin’ way down until I hit the next life back.”

“But!” Nellis glowered, taking a deeper sip, “Once I did make it clear that, uh, no, there’s literally thousands of years of examples and divine interference proving that there’s nothing that could tear me away from my people, I remembered all the other bozo moves that we’ve been talking about tonight so I’m stickin’ around to fix that too. I’m too fuckin’ nice to do it otherwise.”

Looking at the cat, Nellis’ expression twisted. “And that’s…harder to explain. I’ll remember everything that’s happening now, as well as I ever do, but the everything of everything…” He snorted, giving Temp a sharp nod. “You know. Having that amount of memories all at once is only good for driving someone insane. I’ll be able to go looking for certain memories, if I’m curious, and that little construct of mine will get a hell of a workout, but for the most part, I’ll just be Kokichi as you’re all used to. Just with one of the biggest libraries in existence in my head.”

There was a pause, before a sly smirk crossed over Nellis’ face, something prideful sparking in his eyes. “We’re pretty damn cool, huh.”

Kaito, who was carefully sipping at the edge of his wine glass, having filled it up too much and at risk of accidentally spilling the wine over if he handled it with anything less than total sipping precision, glanced up, feeling like maybe that was supposed to be his cue… before he went back to carefully sipping his wine. 

“Fascinating…” Alter Ego said, tilting his head at that, “And Nellis, you said this was specifically an Ouma Empath ability. Does that mean Kokichi’s entire soul line were also Empaths? Practicing Empaths?”

That pride only burned brighter in the king, one of his legs starting to swing. “You’ve got it--it’s always just been me, after all. Us. Kokichi. However you want to say it. Once you’re just a memory, it doesn’t feel like much of a point to differentiate, but I will once I’m more “myself”.”

“We weren’t much to holler about back in the day, but with every incarnation, our abilities compound--that’s why I’m such hot stuff these days,” he smirked. “All those Empath Oumas we’ve heard about from the past? All just me. The other two don’t have any overt powers as far as we’ve been able to tell, but…”

Nellis rolled his eyes. “Considering our parent’s had a damn god-complex like…70% of the time? I could guess that Mom, or Father, or however you want to define that soul, probably has a deeper connection to Roxy than I or Fuse do. And my kid is always a firecracker, though I couldn’t tell you what that means.”

At that, Kaito did look up again. “...so… Fuse is going to be Feelings Baby?” he asked softly, a little uncertain that that was the correct question.

“A library of a line of powerful Empaths…” Alter Ego said, voice slightly in awe, “I can’t even imagine the sorts of things Kokichi could be capable of, tapping into that much experience, with that much raw power… oof, I hope this isn’t going to be another ‘accidently tether to everyone at night’ thing. Honestly, helping Kokichi learn how to not use his powers is always a more difficult process than teaching him to do things, and it’s one very few people have any advice to give to me, on how to help him through it. I’m going to have to talk to you, Kokichi, when you’re… ‘back’. We should plan to put a few safeguards in place, keep track of what you’re doing so there’s no surprises.”

Temp, in turn, glanced over at Kaito, before finally sipping at his white wine. “Will Kokichi be there, Nellis? When he wakes up? I know you said Kokichi was doing this voluntarily, but if he wakes up tomorrow cursing people out, you should give Kaito some warning now.”

For a moment, there was a true softness in Nellis’ expression. Fuse…his little firecracker. When everything else was gone…he had her. Quick as a whip and unfailingly kind and ready to throw down for anyone. He could barely even remember how many brushes he’d broken in her hair before they finally consulted a stylist. 

“She always is.”

Nodding at Alter Ego, Nellis swirled his wine a bit, looking more contemplative. “For all her wisdom, I don’t think this was a part of the plan our dear lady thought out well. I’m already so powerful it poses certain issues that are a pain in the ass to sort out. I’m curious how ridiculous it’ll get in the next few generations. But…yeah, we should make a plan.”

“It is my duty, but…” The king wrinkled his nose. “Empaths are so fuckin’ nosy. I think we can hold off on alerting the community for now…especially when our plans are--”

Lilac eyes went wide as Nellis suddenly jolted up, whirling on Alter Ego and Temp. “Okay, okay, first, no, my memories can only exist in the mindscape, no worries about bodysnatching, but! Addason! Flora Seclusion! Motherfucker, I almost forgot!”

Temp’s eyes widened at that, before leaning forward. Putting his elbows on his knees as his expression went far more stern, annoyed by Nellis this whole time but more than willing to put that aside if it meant something to his son. “What about Addason?”

Kaito, in turn, lit up a little. Taking a long swallow of his wine before wiping his mouth with the back of his palm. “Do you know how to do it? I know ‘Kichi and these guys are close to working it out, but, like…” he glanced at Temp, seeing his interest, “But we’re running a little low on time, right? Before Addason connects?”

“Our biggest issue is that there’s no real way for us to stress test our barrier to know for certain what we’ve created will last,” Alter Ego said, tail flicking aggravatedly, “And every second we have it up it gets weaker, so we need a power source to maintain it at its peak strength which, again, we don’t even know for certain will defend him. It’d be easier to test if we had the power source, but we haven’t found one that we can realistically keep on an infant for the indefinite future. There’s a tattoo that will do it, that we’ve been strongly considering, but it’s large. We’d hate to put him through it without knowing for certain it will be worth it..”

Nellis nodded, still a little frantic before he took a breath and calmed. “We’ve all done really well, considering. All of our practice making something with the goal of ‘impenetrable’ will make the next part much easier for us all--maybe even to the point of not needing an extra power source, but I’ll tell you that anyway, ‘cause I’m such a nice guy.”

“...and Flora should have the chance to choose how public their lives are.”

Taking a breath, Nellis sat back down, a regal air about him. “There’s a construct Empaths used to use called “The Gardener”. It used to be called “Herbicide”, but considering after a time, it was given to children, people opted for a kinder name. And if all three of us make it, then it should be…mostly strong enough on its own, though, again, the power source.”

Much easier to explain the mechanics and “build” plan through intent, as Nellis fixed his gaze on Temp and Alter Ego, they would start to understand an old construct. A fog, easy to breathe and not so thick it would create a haze over personal thoughts, but something hard to grasp and able to seep and exist everywhere. In some cases, even comforting, like a gentle blanket settled around young shoulders. 

But, to other Flora, to invaders…well. It was an herbicide. The other Flora wouldn’t die if they touched it, but any vines they would try to attach would instantly wither and die, and though it would be entirely a choice on other Flora’s end, the constant trial of trying to attach would expend energy, possibly to the point of illness. 

The fog could shroud and protect. 

And to make it strong enough…

“We’ll need a solvent, like toluene or xylene or methylene chloride,” Nellis’ face twitched, “And, no, I’m not suggesting we give an infant a neurological disorder. A small enough amount just to aid in skin absorption. And…Addason’s birthstone is moonstone, so one of those. Normally, absorbing power through the sun and moon would be what I’d initially suggest, but we do have the unique opportunity of asking a dragon for help.”

Shrugging a little, Nellis finished off his wine. “Ask Maki to carry around the stone for a day. If we really want some oomph, ask a mage or a witch to imbue the stone with pure energy. Then grind the stone into powder, mix it with the solvent, and probably water to help the ratio, and then paint the mixture on Addason’s body. I’d say leave it for half an hour at least, but whatever he can handle.”

Temp’s brow furrowed, analyzing the intent that Nellis had sent out. Listening to all of it, but particularly the construct, idly spinning his finger in slow, easy circles…

“Wait, people’s birthstones are actually a thing?” Kaito asked, looking somewhat incredulous at that, “And Maki can imbue energy just… holding stuff?”

“I don’t know much about magical minerals or materials,” Alter Ego admitted, “But I’d be willing to take Nellis’s word on it. And I do know enough just from incidental stories that certain stones do have innate properties.”

“Don’t tell Miss Crystal that. You’re going to validate her weird ideas,” Kaito muttered… before grinning, “But, okay, that’s all amazing, isn’t it? Now you guys know how to do this! And I can get Maki to hold a moonstone, Miss Crystal sells that nonsense for like a few copper. Then grind it down and do a little baby paint– Temp.”

“What?” Temp asked, a fog starting to form around his fingers.

“Don’t test it on me, I cannot be foggy headed when I wake up!”

“I’m just making a little one. And it won’t make you fuzzy, if I do it right.”

“Temp, I… dammit, if you’re going to test it on me, you better be ready to come over and help babysit Miyako, because I’m already on sleeping pills and medications and all sorts of stupid shit and I don’t need a literal cloud of fog in my mind.”

“Sort of,” Nellis shrugged, twirling the stem of the wine glass in his fingers. “Crystals just tend to be good vessels for energy. It’s something that needs further research, but birthstones just…seem to be better attuned to the person they’re for. I couldn’t tell you why.”

“And, honestly, it would be just ideal if you could ask her to bathe the stone in dragon fire…but Maki can’t do that. So her holding it will be the closest we can get.”

Looking over to Temp, Nellis just rolled his eyes a little before setting his glass back down on the coffee table and stretching. “Alright, I’m getting antsy. And all guilty because we haven’t stopped by Caleb yet.”

Sighing in annoyance, Nellis gave Kaito an unhappy look. “Get ready to deal with me feeling like shit over making your exploration all about me again. But…mm…” The king glanced away, something conflicted in his face. “...it was nice to meet you, even if it’s always been me. …thank you for being kind.”

(For loving me this time.)

Once again, the listening soul disappeared from view.

Kaito gave Nellis a tense smile. “Oh… I’m aware. Of how… difficult this is going to be. Um, but, it’s okay, we’re going to be–”

He was going to say more, but his shoulders fell when Nellis, with one last confusing word, disappeared… and Kaito grit his teeth, looking away a little. Frustration running through him. Right, okay, well… sure. Bye. 

God, what was he going to say to Kokichi… Kaito took in a steadying breath, before letting it out. Looking around, waiting to see if Kokichi was going to come back. “...did he wake up this time?” he asked, brow furrowing. “If he’s awake, could one of you wake me up, please? He probably needs some help…”

“No…I’m here…”

…had been there the whole time. Was…always there…

Kokichi wobbled out from the doorway of one of the adjoining rooms, looking bleary, like he’d just woken up from restless sleep. He knew Kaito wasn’t…happy. Or doing well. But…

Trudging over, Kokichi plopped himself in Kaito’s lap and hid his face. Not saying anything yet. His shoulders still for the time being. 

Kaito saw the look on Kokichi’s face and knew immediately that he didn’t really want to say anything about anything, beyond just being there for his husband right now. Wrapping his arms around him, rubbing his back, he gave Kokichi a soft, tired look… before looking to the other two. “Temp, Alter Ego… I’m going to say this as politely as possible, and hopefully that makes up for anything that might happen. Could you please get out of my mind–”

Saint Madison turned, suddenly, and raised her sword, about to cut them down. Kaito sighed, Temp and Alter Ego gone immediately, before she could lower her sword, giving his defense a dry look. “...thank you, divine. I mean, you could have given them a chance to say goodbye, but… anyway. Please give us some privacy.”

Saint Madison gave a small, nodding bow, before she was gone too. Kaito let out a small sigh, as it was just him and Kokichi… before Kaito held him tighter. “I’m sorry,” he told him softly, “...I don’t think it changes anything. For what it’s worth.”

Kokichi’s breath caught softly for a moment, but he didn’t turn his face out from Kaito’s side. “...it…shouldn’t. We…really are all different people. I’m still just me. Just…with a library.”

He curled tighter around Kaito, his voice starting to break. “...I’m sorry… We were supposed to visit Caleb too… I-it’s not fair to leave him out…”

“I don’t know much of anything about him yet,” Kaito admitted, “But if he’s actually me? Then I know this would matter to him more, than anything he wants to whine to me about. There’s no part of me that doubts that. You just had a bombshell dropped on you. You’re the priority.”

“...you know, it’s really admirable,” Kaito said, rubbing Kokichi’s back, “You’ve been steadfast for a long time, Kokichi. Cause I still think you’re right. No one could make you commit… you decided to. And you’ve been so strong for such a long time… my good Ouma. You should be proud. You’re amazing.”

A tremble went through Kokichi’s back and he gripped onto Kaito tighter, a tiny sniffle audible. “...I have a lot more of a legacy to live up to than I thought…but…more proof that I can do it. That I…have…done it…”

All of a sudden, that tension seemed to drain out of Kokichi’s body and he laid against Kaito, boneless. “...I had a conversation with Hajime-chan, after we got the news about Keita… He talked about how Oumas are…special. And I argued against that… We’re just people, dedicating ourselves to others, but…just anyone. A-and I guess we are, since we could be born anywhere, but…we’re…not just anyone…”

“...it feels wrong to brush off everyone’s contributions but…our country is only… Because of a god?”

“...no.” Kaito said, ignoring the tension in the back of his throat, gently starting to adjust Kokichi to sit more comfortably against him, pulling Kokichi up into his lap properly, “Temp called it an experiment. A god giving three people chances, over and over, to get it right… and you three chose to to help people with your chances. And, Nellis said that other souls become Ouma’s sometimes too. It just makes sense, for Dicea, that the ones with the most job experience would keep getting the job over and over. You’re the person best suited for it. Turns out there’s just a reason why.”

…there was the suspicion that Aiichi (Abylone, Oasis, Emilie, Aesc, Mom, Dad, my friend) was “closest to Roxy” (he’d never even heard of her before…) but…who even knew what that meant. As far as anyone had been aware, for thousands of years, Roxy had never directly interfered with Dicea. Not past making sure the three of them kept coming back. 

It was still the work of people. 

“...I can’t believe that stupid feeling thing for the heir is right…”

“At least this makes all the other Ouma’s, including Aiichi, less stupid for trusting it.” Kaito grinned warily, chuckling slightly, “You’re, uh… you’re looking for Queen Fuse, I suppose. Your…” Something flashed through Kaito’s eyes, before he closed them. Giving Kokichi a small kiss against his head as he said, “Our firecracker. I guess they’ll be a little handful. I’m sure I’ll love them. Little energetic, spirited feeling’s baby.”

Kokichi let out a heavy breath, closing his eyes as they burned, and he fisted Kaito’s shirt. “I remember… He loved her so much. …we…we’re all different…” But some things could be relatively similar, it seemed. “They’ll be different. A unique person, whoever our’s is. But… I mean, I’ve always wanted to love who my heir is going to be.”

There was peace in saying that, but soon Kokichi’s face fell. “...I’d like to make an appointment with Dr. Mariah, soon… Even if we’re leaving for the funeral in two days…”

Kaito nodded, kissing Kokichi’s hair some more, “We’ll ask if for an emergency session tomorrow.” He wanted to ask Kokichi if he wanted Maki and Shuichi to be there, or even Kaito, but… he’d give his husband a chance to be in his feelings, before asking him difficult questions, like who he wanted to know about this. “Tomorrow morning, if we can manage it.”

“...were you okay?” Kaito asked softly, “While you were him? I was worried about you.”

“Thank you…”

It…really was something he should discuss in a personal session. He’d learned that Dr. Egami’s sister was an Empath, had already reached out to her about supernatural things on Shuuichi’s behalf. But…he’d never mentioned anything to his therapist yet. He just…wasn’t sure. 

But, at least, it was something that they should talk about, as it pertained to their relationship. So…he could talk about it there. 

…why make any of them able to remember…?

“I was fine,” Kokichi breathed, forcing himself to let go of Kaito’s shirt, and circle his arms around him. “It was… It was like… Like relaying a message to someone else. I could filter some stuff, but…mostly, you wanna get the message right, right? I wasn’t, like…locked in my own psyche, or anything…”

“Okay… yeah.” Kaito snorted, idly massaging Kokichi’s back a little, digging his thumb and fingers in around his husband spin as he held him. “I could see it killing him, that he couldn’t directly insult me. I got the impression Nellis was not my biggest fan. Thank you for keeping him in check, ‘Kichi. My good husband, looking out for me even when his whole world is crashing in.”

“I know technically you’re the same person, but…” Kaito frowned, “...I don’t know if I really can think of you like that. You have his memories, sure, if you want to use them, but only you’ve been living your life. You’re Kokichi. With memories of his ancestors. Same energy signature or not, your accomplishments and good nature and leadership skills have been because you’ve been working hard your entire life, aspiring to be an Ouma people deserve. Same soul or not, Nellis hasn’t been doing that hard work for you, and…” Kaito frowned, his expression hardening, “He hasn’t been working hard to make this relationship work either. It’s all you. The gods and your past lives have nothing to do with it. This is your life.”

“All the historical account about him paint him as an asshole,” Kokichi huffed with mild amusement. “That wasn’t surprising. But…he didn’t dislike you. It was…complicated.”

“...know you don’t like being insulted, though. So…no insults for Kai-chan.”

He took a deep breath and nestled into Kaito’s shoulder. Maybe he was working so hard because that’s the only thing his past lives had ever done. That feeling he’d always had, like serving the Dicean people was the only thing ever meant for him… He guessed that was true. But…

…it was still something he chose. Even if that choice was biased…but how was that any different from bias of just…nature?

“...this life is my own,” Kokichi whispered, pressing into Kaito with wet eyes. “...we’ve never been meant just…to be a government automaton. We’re all just people. Every…every choice I make is my own…”

He just…had more data to consider.

“Mmmhm. My future king is a true leader.” Kaito said, holding him tighter and bringing his legs up into the arm chair a little. Creating a physical circle around Kokichi, holding him close and protectively, “One who’s proven himself over and over. Dicea is lucky to have you, which I believed yesterday, and I believed six months ago, and I believed a year ago, when I vowed it to my own god. My Kokichi has always been capable of great things. And I can’t wait to watch you do it. Am so proud watching you do it. The universe just confirmed everything I already knew anyway. Nothing’s different. Nothings’ changed.”

Something in Kokichi settled. Kaito hadn’t called him a superhero when he found out about his abilities, but…nothing changing, when it turned out he was one of three people almost ever who had reincarnated was an outcome he could feel comforted by. 

“...something’s changed,” he said softly. “We know how to protect Addie now.”

Kaito grinned wide at that, gently shaking his husband, “We do. All thanks to you, babe. Already making use of that big ol’ library in your head, helping out my godson. Our sweet little godbaby. And he won’t even need a tattoo! Just a little baby art project, a little fog monster by his dad and clever uncles, and Addason and our Miyako get to just live their childhoods.”

Kissing Kokichi gently, Kaito whispered to him, “I’m so grateful. I know all of this has hurt you, Kokichi, and you’re allowed to be hurt. You’re allowed to be sad, or furious, or whatever you want to be… but I’m so grateful, for everything you are. You make our lives so much better. Everything you do and everything you are. If it could have been anyone? Thank… whoever it’s you.”

Kokichi--Nellis--could remember Flora desperately coming to him. More often, just asking around certain, secret communities. Communities so few and scattered, because magic folk weren’t allowed to gather in Dicea. Centuries old accords meant to protect the nation but now…outdated. Harmful. Families split up and living in fear, hardly able to live at all…

Nellis had become known as someone to go to for help. Secret stipends and carefully controlled delivery networks and messaging systems. A wealth of magical knowledge that had been lost or hoarded with those that wouldn’t resurface for another few decades. 

He had helped them all in secret, even more than just keeping a secret from otherwise uninformed humans. 

Fuse had thought that was dumb as hell, and had helped them overtly. Aiichi had helped those communities flourish and mesh with humans. Kokichi would…

Kokichi hugged his husband tightly, before sighing. “...I should go. We need to get some sleep tonight.”

Kaito closed his eyes, holding Kokichi tighter… before nodding. “Okay. Everything is going to be okay, Kokichi. I love you.”

“I love you too, Kai-chan.”

-

Kaito woke up before everyone. 

Technically, Shuichi should already be ‘up’, as he was on baby duty… but as usual for Shuichi’s night shifts, he was curled up on the window seat, near the crib, sleeping soundly as he waited for one of the trigger sounds– Miyako crying or the alarm. Kaito shifted up, blinking warily as he looked around the room, before looking down at Kokichi, still sleeping.

“...kay.” Kaito murmured to himself, getting up. 

Quietly walking out the room, Kaito knocked on Maki’s door. She opened it almost immediately, and Kaito gave her a small wave, smiling, “I need you to do something for me without asking me questions about it, Maki.” 

“...maybe.” She agreed, “What is it?”

“Could you please, as fast as you can, go find Dr. Mariah and ask her to make an emergency house-call? As fast as you can. Kokichi’s going to need some help when he wakes up.”

Maki’s eyes narrowed, “Is he in danger?”

“I would tell you if he was. I promise. Please, Maki?”

Maki huffed… before nodding. “Let me go put real clothes on, and I’ll go.”

Kaito nodded. “Thank you.”

With that door closed, Kaito  moved on to Timothy’s room, knocking on his door. “...hey kid.” Kaito greeted, giving his son a warm smile, “I need you to do me a favor, okay? Uncle Shuichi is going to go out this morning, I need you to want him to go out earlier. And I’d like you to buy us a moonstone while you’re out.”

“A moonstone?” Timothy asked, blinking sleepily at his father, “Why?”

“It’s for Addason’s health. It’s not an emergency, but your god-brother really needs it in the long term, and I believe I can trust his big brother to do this for him. Right?”

Timothy yawned– he had just woken up– before nodding. “Fine.”

“You’re a champion, kid. Go get dressed, Shuichi’s gonna be by to grab you in a bit.”

Heading back to the room, Kaito checked on Kokichi– still asleep– before heading over to Shuichi, gently shaking him awake. “Hey, handsome… can you do me a favor?” 

“Hm?” Shuichi hummed. “Did I miss the alarm…?”

“No, no. Timothy’s asking me to go shopping this morning. He wants to buy a moonstone for Addason. It’s his birthstone, apparently. I know you’re going shopping in a few hours, can you take Tim down to breakfast and bring him with you? Since you’re going out anyway?”

Shuichi yawned… before nodding. “Sure. Now?”

“You know how it is, Tim’s ten and full of energy. And with Haneda on vacation he’s getting restless.”

Shuichi nodded, rubbing his eyes, “Let me get dressed, take a shower. You have Miyako then?”

“Yeah.” Kaito said gently, leaning down to give Shuichi a kiss to the temple, “Thank you handsome.”

Kaito, then, looking around warily, stepped back to see if all of that would work. If Kokichi woke up early, it was probably all for nothing. If Shuichi wanted to delay, it’d be for nothing. If, somehow, Dr. Mariah managed to get here before everyone left and things were settled, it’d be for nothing, and Kaito would have to just deal with the consequences.  See how the dominos fell…

One by one, things settled. Kokichi was deeply asleep, so by the time Kaito had woken up Miyako, fed her, and changed her, Shuichi had showered and dressed, warning Kaito that he really meant to be out for a while. “That’s okay.” Kaito said, grinning at him serenely, bouncing Miyako against his chest, “Thanks again for taking Timothy. If he wants any toys or anything, I’ll pay you back for it.”

Shuichi, planning to take Timothy to the arcade for the weirder shopping part, told Kaito it wasn’t a problem, heading out. And as Shuichi left, Kaito sighed, bouncing Miyako as he whispered, “Miya… we’re going to visit the nursery today… we’re just waiting for–”

There was a knock on the door.

Having been up most the night--he had been on Miya duty for the first part, and had been divided between Kaito’s head and caring for his daughter--Kokichi was out. But…as much as his body needed rest, and as much as he wanted to…he did have to wake up at some point. He couldn’t actually sleep forever. 

He’d vaguely heard Shuuichi and Kaito murmuring to each other, but Kokichi didn’t move. Didn’t stir to greet his partners, didn’t wish Shuuichi a good day out. Kokichi just…laid in bed, curled up in blankets and keeping his eyes closed, trying not to think. 

Trying not to think about the knock on the door. Even if he had been the one to ask for it. Even if he knew that wanting to ignore everything and curl up in bed meant that he really needed that knock on the door. 

Kokichi didn’t move.

That was fine. Kaito did. 

“Dr. Mariah~” Kaito said, grinning warily, giving her a bow before nodding his head gratefully at Maki, “Thank you. Um… okay, one more request. I can’t keep an emergency session secret from Shuichi. Could you please go find him and Timothy at the market, tell Shuichi that Kokichi had a bit of a panic attack and I asked Dr. Mariah to come talk to him, but assure him everything is taken care of? Kokichi needs some private time anyway, and… yeah.”

Maki raised an eyebrow. “What’s happened?”

“Think… ‘existential crisis’.” Kaito said, “Depressing, but not dangerous. Kokichi’s in no danger. He’s just sad. Okay? …oh, and Timothy’s getting a moonstone for Addason? Could you, like… hold it today? In your hands? All day? Maybe…” Kaito remembered the fire breath comment, “Lick it? A little?”

“...” Maki’s eyes narrowed, “?”

“I’ll explain myself later, I promise. I know I’m being cryptic, I’m just trying to… manage all of you.” Kaito grinned warily, shrugging, “Forgive me.”

Dr. Mariah was ignoring all of this, tasting the radiation off of Kokichi. Bitter, bitter food. Bitter vegetables that had gone bad. Nutritious. Alarming. 

“I’m going to trust you that this isn’t a bunch of needless bullshit.” Maki said, Kaito giving her a relieved smile, “But if it turns out I’m wrong, we’re having words.”

“Kay. Thank you, Maki.”

As Maki headed off, Kaito invited Dr. Mariah inside, “Say hi to Dr. Mariah, Miyako… okay, we’re going to be next door, if you need anything.” he told the doctor, who nodded, “Thank you so much for coming. Please, if you need anything at all.”

“It’s okay.” Dr. Mariah said gently.

Kaito, quickly, not wanting Kokichi to just wake up in this situation, as Dr. Mariah to step out just for a moment, so he could tell Kokichi she was here… and closing the door, still holding Miyako, he headed to the bed. Sitting on it’s edge.

Reaching out, Kaito ran his thumb over Kokichi’s shoulder. Squeezing it gently. “...’Kichi.” Kaito said gently, “...Dr. Mariah’s here.”

…

There was the slight shifting of sheets as Kokichi curled into himself, though there was a subtle nod from him. 

…

He knew that wasn’t enough. It wasn’t really…feasible for him to do much, but… He scooted up the bed a little, semi-sitting himself up, though he was still tightly twisted in the blankets, his face obscured. 

“...you didn’t need to send everyone away…”

“Let me make a judgment call on that.” Kaito told him gently, “As your husband, okay? My ‘Kichi needs some space to feel things, and he works too hard to take care of us. Miyako and I are gonna be in the nursery.”

Then, in a slightly higher voice, he took Miyako arm and had her wave at Kokichi, “You’re doing great, daddy! Tell him we’ll be back soon, Miya. There’s a good girl.”

Then, getting up, Kaito went to let Dr. Mariah in. Heading out. 

Dr. Mariah looked around. Glancing over at Kokichi, before heading over to the window and opening the curtains a little more, opening it up. “There we go… where do you keep your cups, Kokichi?” Dr. Mariah called back to him, looking around.

…he didn’t want to be isolated from his loved ones either. It probably was a good idea to start sorting it out just on his own, without having to think of anyone else…but when had Kokichi ever done that?

(All the time. But it was hard to think.)

Croaking out a soft goodbye, unable even now to just…not respond to his daughter--even if it was Kaito talking--Kokichi…didn’t extend the same effort to Dr. Mariah. But it seemed like she wasn’t taking much offense. 

“Cabinet next to the sink. Bathroom.”

“...hello.”

“Hello,” Dr. Mariah responded, heading into the bathroom. 

After a moment, the sound of water running on the other end, Dr. Mariah brought two glasses out, one for herself, one for Kokichi. Passing it to him, and when he didn’t take it right away putting it on the night stand, she looked around, before grabbing the chair from the desk and pulling it over by the bed. Sighing as she settled into it, taking a sip of water.

She left things silent for a moment. Sipping at her water.

…he didn’t…really feel like something could…go down his throat. Curled in his blankets, Kokichi just…tucked into himself. Then he sighed. 

“...all Oumas are reincarnated as part of an experiment by the goddess of wisdom to make a lasting society. There’s only been three of us, all reincarnated forever for thousands of years. My…my last self made an appearance last night… And apparently the soul I am is…is the one that remembers…and isn’t just a carrier of wisdom through my lives but…the eternal archive for Empaths…”

“I see.” Dr. Mariah said, taking a sip of her water, before giving him a small smile, “Well, it’s always exciting, with you four. I’m sorry you couldn’t go to your personal therapist for this. I know it must be difficult, to have secrets from your therapist. I will do my best to help you through this, Kokichi.”

“Now, the Goddess of Wisdom. For a major god, she’s relatively unknown. Perhaps she thought keeping her reputation small would be ‘wise’.” Dr. Mariah guessed, sipping, “This news has clearly disturbed you, and I know you didn’t have a religion before this. Or, necessarily, afterwards. Knowledge of the gods does not equal worship, or faith. But, like humans towards gods, Gods can develop faiths in people that don’t necessarily need to be reciprocated. And you are a human, that discovered yourself to be the source of a gods faith. How do you feel about that?”

“...”

“...lost…” Kokichi said softly, his face barely peeking out from the blankets. “I’ve…I’ve always had high expectations for myself. I’m an Ouma. I’m a born Ouma, and I’ve understood to…varying degrees, my whole life, what that means. I’ve always felt that there’s going to be a high level of skill and compassion required from me…and while how I feel I’ll measure up has fluctuated…more often than not? I’ve been excited to try. I’ve…I’ve wanted that chance, so bad, to do my best for people… To the point that even in scenarios where I don’t get to be leader, I still come back to the castle to try and work anyway. Because…it’s a part of me. I can’t not try…I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.”

“...and now I know that I was born for that. That I’ve been born for that countless times and a goddess is expecting that of me and… It’s just some…plaything. Not necessarily in a bad way…but…”

“...I feel like…my hopes, and efforts are…diminished. If this was the…idle expectation the whole time.”

“I see,” Dr. Mariah said, tapping her fingers against her glass, “Whose idle expectation? You were announced an Ouma at birth. There has always been an expectation that you would rise to that occasion. Why does one more person expecting it change that?”

Kokichi’s mouth fell into a soft frown. …one more person, huh? 

…it wasn’t as if the universe was unified. And he knew clearly that all the gods weren’t on the same page, and not even just for lack of organization. And while they could have some really crazy powers…they were just…people. 

“...framing it that way doesn’t… It doesn’t seem much different. Kai-chan talked to me last night about how…all my choices are still there. And mine. Maybe…it would be fighting against my nature too much, to say that I really could have a decision to leave…but I never thought I would before this anyway.”

“It’s never felt like a choice I’d make. Even when I daydreamed about it sometimes.”

“Can you explain to me why you made the choice?” Dr. Mariah asked, peering at him calmly, her red eyes dark as she sat with the rising sunlight to her back, the room a soft, golden color, “What were your choices, regarding your career. Why did you make them?”

“When I was a kid, it was an honor…” Kokichi started softly, running his fingers up and down one of the sides of a blanket. “Everyone talks about Oumas being special, and while I’ve fought against that as I’ve gotten older…it’s something every kid dreams about. And even if I had the title…I wasn’t an exception. Even when it had brought tragedy into my life, even when I saw the stress it put on my loved ones, even as a kid…it was special. It was an honor.”

“...and that’s why they don’t let little kids take the oath,” he snorted. 

“By the time I was a teenager, and starting to really learn what the work looked like, on a practical level…” Kokichi sighed. “...I want to help people. I want to make people happy. I know there are countless ways to do that, and not just vocationally. But…government is a channel I’m familiar with, and…I really believe that people can flourish in all sorts of ways as they like, if they have a stable, fair foundation to support them.”

“...seeing the way people around me have been hurt in my lives…I really believed that doing my part to create a foundation that will never leave people hungry or homeless or without free time or living in filth or afraid of the people around you…it was what I wanted. The path I would best be able to take to make the biggest impact. So…I took the oath. I wanted to devote my life to the care of others…because I want people to be cared for.”

“It’s a worthy desire, and one that should be expected of anyone who takes on the Ouma oath,” Dr. Mariah agreed, tapping at her glass, sipping… “What is the difference, between you and the late Queen Miyako Ouma?”

Kokichi shrugged tiredly. The ache of his mother…a little more stinging today. “I grew up all around this, and was expected to take it on one day. I can’t ignore that that did influence me. But…our reasons for taking the oath is the same. We wanted to help people, and we saw an avenue to do so. I just…am getting more of a chance to.”

“Right,” Dr. Mariah nodded, “And if Shuichi, or Kaito? Took on the oath? As I am certain countless Ouma’s in the past, spouses to the leaders, or picked themselves with or without the belief of a ‘feeling’, to temporarily holding the position to help a sick or needing leader… those not chosen by the gods? Is there a difference, between yourself and them?”

“...actionably, no. If you’re trying to help people, it doesn’t matter where that desire comes from.” Something relaxed in Kokichi’s shoulders. “...a leader can come from anywhere, can be anyone. As long as they have that desire to help people. Everything else can follow.”

Dr. Mariah nodded. “So why are your choices less than theirs? Everyone who takes the Ouma oath is worthy of respect for their sacrifice. You are not an exception, and it’s a disservice of yourself to suggest otherwise. You are our leader, Kokichi. Or you will be, someday. And you only do that with our permission. Which we have given.” Dr. Mariah smiled lightly, “You can trust our decision.”

“...remembering your past lives, if I understand it, sounds like something that doesn’t happen randomly.” Dr. Mariah admitted, frowning now. “And your husband knew this was coming. You said you were visited by your last life, last night? How did that go. What happened?”

…yeah. So…so maybe most of Dicea’s leaders were just the same three people. It didn’t nullify the work they did. And it didn’t mean that their choices every time were meaningless. And…and it wasn’t just up to them. They made their choice…and people looked at the work they were doing, and decided…yeah. Yeah, they wanted the Oumas. 

…they wanted him. 

But that wasn’t everything. 

Kokichi sighed, reaching out of his blankets to take the water glass Dr. Mariah had gotten him. “We were…having a meeting with Kai-chan last night, and…through some stuff, that I want to talk to Kai-chan about before telling you about, I…figured out how to tap into my soul’s memories. And my great-grandfather’s memory…fronted. I guess.”

“He got into an argument with one of our friends about the death cycle, and helped us out with some other stuff. I…”

Kokichi trailed off, curling more into himself. “...have you read anything about Nellis Ouma? Not a single account ever failed to mention how…prickly and confrontational he was…and he really was. Kai-chan…didn’t like him much, it seemed…”

“...he reminded me a lot of…how I was, before Kai-chan and I met.”

Dr. Mariah noted that away, but didn’t ask about the Kaito thing. They’d likely bring it up themselves. “It sounds like it was a difficult first impression. I do…” Dr. Mariah hesitated, before saying, “remember Nellis Ouma, yes. I did not live in the capital back then, it was a more difficult time, for people like us, though things had started to improve. I lived in the outskirts of Dicea, during his rule, but while his mannerisms were a tad infamous, he was known as a true ally of certain magical communities. Not to mention his work in financially caring for Diceans in general. A difficult personality who achieved great things in his time, primarily fueled by a compassionate desire. At least, that was the impression.”

Tilting her head a little, she offered, “It’s telling, that you would compare him to yourself before the marriage. Why make that comparison?”

He stabilized the glass against his chest, but Kokichi curled up more. “...I was so lonely. And bitter. Feeling betrayed. And…I took that out on everyone, to try and not hurt anymore. So…I picked fights all the time, and just…dug into what I knew hurt others, to keep them away.”

“...but I still cared so much about people,” Kokichi murmured. “I worked way harder than I ever should’ve, and…when it came to the social things? I just…tried to yell and bully people into facing facts, rather than listening to them, and trying to understand where they were coming from, and finding out what particular actions would be best for them.”

“Those…are all things I felt while Nellis was fronting.”

Dr. Mariah frowned more. “...Kokichi, I can taste, negative emotions in the air. They nourish me, like how the sun nourishes plants. And I can associate certain ‘flavors’ of taste, with certain emotions. But that doesn’t mean I can read minds. It usually, at best, just lets me know when I’m on the right path, in my questioning.”

“But, I will admit, this scent is a tad confusing. And I felt like I should say so, since I feel like my next few questions might be clumsy. Please forgive me.”

“Do you… feel a sense of guilt?” Dr. Mariah asked uncertainly, “You compare Nellis’s worse qualities to your own, and based on your retelling, Nellis arrived last night to have a confrontation with those at your meeting. Do you have a sense of responsibility, for his actions last night?”

Kokichi sipped his water. “...I don’t think so. He was rude, but…that’s okay. He helped us, and he was mad about us not getting the full picture. I just…”

He sighed. “I feel guilty about how I acted, when I was a teenager, and…Nellis reminds me of that. And…I feel sorry for him, because…I had someone to help me out of that, and it…doesn’t feel like he did. And…it makes me sad to think that…Kai-chan wouldn’t have liked me, if he met me before…even if I was awful.”

“We must forgive ourselves, for being young once.” Dr. Mariah reminded him gently, “And as for the rest of it… that is perfectly fine, that you feel that way.”

“It can be difficult, to hear about the hardships others faced, especially ones who didn’t have the help you did. So long as it doesn’t become debilitating, that’s a perfectly rational way to feel about it. As for Kaito not liking you as a teenager… perhaps he wouldn’t have. As disheartening a scenario as that makes, in theory, it’s ultimately one without any consequence. Your husband cares deeply about you, now, as he knows you. Your past faults are little more than trivia to him. Unless you regress today, and start treating him as if you were a child again… it’s really just a sad thought. And those are okay when, again, handled in a non-crisis manner. You’re allowed to be sad, Kokichi.”

Kokichi nodded a bit, before his eyes started to burn. “...I kept telling him, that we probably wouldn’t have been friends. That I was a real asshole. But…he’s…he always keeps insisting, that I couldn’t have been that bad, and we totally would’ve been friends. And…knowing how he helped me out of some of my worst impulses? That…that was a fantasy comfort…that he still would’ve been able to help me, even if things had been a little different.”

“It’s okay now, but…” Kokichi closed his eyes, tears spilling over. “...I hated being an Empath, for a really long time. And one of the biggest things that helped me accept myself was…talking to memories of Kai-chan and…he said I was amazing. That I was a superhero.”

“And it was my own fault, for everything we’ve already talked about in therapy, about keeping it from him, and keeping stuff about Miya from him, and the fact that it was…a really earth-shattering idea that I just unceremoniously dropped on him…”

Kokichi’s shoulders shook, and a squeak came out of his throat. “...but it was devastating not to hear him think I was amazing… He has all the right in the world to be mad…but I’d based so much of my self-acceptance on something that was just…an indulgent fantasy. And then I got upset when I realized it was a fantasy.”

Dr. Mariah nodded, listening to Kokichi start to cry. She gave him a moment, before looking around, finally spotting tissues on the Vanity desk. Getting up, she went to grab them, coming back and placing the tissues on the bed for him, before sitting back down, sipping her water. 

“There’s a method of battling aversion compulsions,” Dr. Mariah started, after a moment, “Where a client, who struggles to move past their anxieties for the future, are encouraged to only, only, imagine solutions as unfolding in their best case scenarios. The absolute best case scenario, where everything goes as planned, and the rewards are above and beyond our expectations, and the whole room of strangers gets up and cheers for whatever you did… and this process has a lot of drawbacks. People who use it can find themselves devastated at the first setback. Successful runs become disappointing, because they could not match the vision in our heads. The effort can feel monumental, and wasted…”

“But,” she said, “I have encouraged the ‘best case scenario’ method on many of my most anxiety ridden patients. Even knowing the difficulties and drawbacks of it, because for some? That best case scenario is the only thing that can give them the courage to try anything at all. And for them, as it is for anyone, any small bit of progress? Any push of momentum forward, towards accomplishing their goals and improving their lives? Is worth the difficulty and fear of trying.”

“I can understand why it was disappointing, that the reality of telling your husband your abilities wasn’t the best case scenario… but telling him was something that had to happen. And your abilities, for better or worse, are something that has to happen. They are a part of who you are.” Dr. Mariah said gently, “And you needed that fantasy, that moment of self-indulgence, to get you here. To a moment where it is fine. Where you accept your abilities, and your husband is put into a position where he can love them. It’s easier, for these things to happen, in the right environment. But humans are creatures designed to change their environment to suit their needs, and before you can benefit from that, you have to do the work of making that design. You had to do the work of everything being okay. And the best case scenario you ‘indulged’ in gave you the courage to start.”

“It’s okay to be sad how it went,” Dr. Mariah told him gently, “But it was the right thing to do. You did well.”

…accept the fantasy to get started on the reality. It was better to face the disappointment than to never get started at all. Kokichi knew he would tell his family one day, once he discovered that telling anyone wouldn’t instantly doom him, but…it had been a hard decision. Kokichi’s self-image and esteem had been in tatters, at one point there. At several points, actually. 

And…even more, now? Now that he was faced with what a fantasy it was? …he still didn’t hate himself. He was unsure, and guilty for what he’d put Kaito through, but…he wasn’t a freak, because of his power. 

His power was a gift. 

One that was…getting stronger. 

“...I don’t think well,” Kokichi softly sniffed. “Everyone keeps telling me I’m doing my best, and…and I am. But I keep making the same mistakes, and hurting people I care about. I’m not learning… That doesn’t feel like something worth having peace with.”

Dr, Mariah sipped at her water, humming a bit, “That is fair. That is something your whole group is struggling with, to this day. That sense of making the same mistakes over and over. It’s not fair to say you’re not learning, but it is fair to say you have more to learn still. For instance, your husband seemed to have went to some pains to shoo your fiance out of the bedroom, for a panic he knew was coming and didn’t want to inform your fiance about until after he was already gone. Considering we just went over Kaito’s issues with relying on Shuichi for help, and have at least once before then as well, it’s clearly something Kaito is still actively struggling with.”

“Meanwhile, Maki is still struggling with not taking on the emotional burden of assuming she is your groups first and primary protector. Shuichi is still making choices from a position of pride and a sort of ‘lone wolf’ mentality, determined to handle things on his own. Does this mean the three of them have made no progress? That they shouldn’t take pride in the progress they have made? It’s a leading question, the answer is no.” Dr. Mariah said, smirking slightly as she shrugged, “I’m quite proud of the progress we’ve made in our time together, actually. You all are learning… but learning is a process. And it’s a process you’re still in.”

“This might be a group question, and if so, I’ll ask it again later,” Dr. Mariah said, “But Kokichi, what’s the next thing you’re hoping to make real improvements on. What’s the lesson you feel like you’re not making as much progress as you want, on?”

…learning lessons wasn’t an…on/off. Learning something didn’t mean that you wouldn’t make mistakes anymore, because things were so rarely clearly in the same environments, with the same factors affecting them. Ideally, learning would help you avoid those mistakes but…it was a process. Something they were still going through…not out at the other end yet. 

They could talk about it all as a group later. 

Kokichi sighed. “I keep…keeping things from Kai-chan. Big, horrible, impactful things, and…not letting him make decisions about it. I keep promising that this is the last one…but it keeps happening. And…I can’t keep hurting him like that. I can’t keep letting down one of the people I’m going to spend my life with…making our relationship something without trust.”

His face crumpled. “...and I feel like I’m just going to do it again, because…if I get reincarnated…then that means we can’t spend our afterlives together, doesn’t it.”

“... is that a secret?” Dr. Mariah asked. Not unkindly. “Is that something he doesn’t know?”

“I guess not,” Kokichi whispered. “But…it’s easy to put off talking about. There’s…hu. There’s a lot of other things to focus on instead. And…he’s already been struggling a lot with the afterlife. If we have to confront that, no, everyone’s not around forever, but people don’t leave until they’re gone? To, oh, sorry, the person that you love and are bound to is part of some grand experiment so we don’t get until we’re ready, I’m just…leaving when it’s time.”

Kokichi ducked his head, another wave of tears washing over him. “...and I’m never really leaving…but either way…we won’t ever see each other again…”

“This is something you both discovered last night, isn’t it?” Dr. Mariah continued gently, “I think, in this moment, the only mistake you’re making is assuming Kaito wouldn’t realize that himself, once you were both aware of the reincarnations. And being too overwhelmed to talk about it is more than understandable, right now. It just happened. Something like this… it’s grief. It’s a rational way to feel about it, and one part of accepting it is letting yourself feel it.”

“That said… I highly doubt Kaito just isn’t thinking about it, because you haven’t brought it up.” Dr. Maria continued, tugging out a handkerchief and offering it closer to Kokichi, reminding him they were there as he sobbed, “You two are doing that other thing, that always has me concerned. You’re grieving separately, again.” 

Some of Kokichi wanted to argue. Before this year, he had fully believed that death was just “it”. And he knew his end time would likely be much sooner than those around him. Sure…optimistically, he and Kaito were shooting for 80. But that was it. He had come to terms with that, even if it was sad sometimes. 

So…the idea that he would be separated from his loved ones wasn’t…new. 

(But he had still been able to feel Nellis’ love for Fuse. Every person his soul had loved, he still loved, even thousands of years later. But…none of them were around anymore. Would never be again, in any form he would be able to contact. The idea of him being the one to, in a way, “outlive” everyone was…very new.)

Kokichi accepted the handkerchief, pressing it to his face, and he sniffled, saying petulantly, “He’s the one that left the room…”

“He did,” Dr. Mariah agreed, sipping the last of her water, resting the cup on her lap, “It’s a problem you both share. A very selfish part of me wants to talk deep and in depth about both of your childhoods, to find the route that led to you both believing your own grief was an unmanageable burden to your loved ones. I say it’s selfish, because while perhaps it’d help you both overcome that belief, the truth is I just find you fascinating. Your case studies could fill textbooks.”

“But that’s a conversation for when you all feel calmer. I don’t think it’d help now, so it’s merely an observation, that something taught both of you to run from people when you’re grieving. I think it’s a sign of progress on both of you, that you both have had an emergency session now, in the face of grief. You’re both getting to a point where you recognize you can’t do it alone, so you’re willing and have called for help. But you both still consider your grief a burden on the other.”

“I’m going to go refill our cups.” Dr. Mariah told him. Picking up his glass and her own, taking them to the bathroom.

Kokichi sighed, pouting a bit. Directly against the point he’d brought up, about “hiding” this from Kaito…it really had only been last night. He’d been sleeping until Dr. Mariah came over. They hadn’t had a chance to talk about it, past briefly last night, and…Kaito had left, making sure everyone else left too. Likely out of a well-intentioned idea of Kokichi being able to…to grieve in peace, and not be “embarrassed” by having his family around for the breakdown. 

…but he wanted his family there. He wanted Kaito’s arms around him and Shuuichi holding his hand, and Maki’s steady presence calling them over-dramatic idiots. He wanted them to tell him that nothing had changed, just like Kaito did last night. 

“...it’ll probably feel different, when I’m feeling better,” Kokichi started as Dr. Mariah came back into the room, “But…I don’t know how to feel about…being the living archive for Empaths. I’ve been excited to meet others in the community, a-and I’ve been thinking about trying to find our histories for a while now. But…right now…all the work just seems…daunting. The work itself and…that I’m not really…gonna be what the others in the community want. Even if I have no way of knowing that, and…it doesn’t really matter.”

“I was going to ask you about that next.” Dr. Mariah admitted, sitting back down as she handed him the fresh glass, “I don’t know as much about the empath community as I would like to, being your therapist, and with your personal therapist, I might assume, also not knowing a lot about them… this is a group you’ve only recently discovered to be among. Discovering you’re not only one of the more powerful of the group, but also the keeper of their knowledge? That… as you said. Sounds daunting.”

“Do you have someone you can talk to about that? A confidant you can rely on?” Dr. Mariah asked, giving him a concerned look, “That’s not something you should handle alone. It’s too much responsibility, for a single person.”

“I made a joke, a while back,” Kokichi huffed, something close to a laugh. “About how I wasn’t looking forward to Empath committee meetings, since I already have so many for government administration. Apparently community meetings are relatively rare, but…if I’m supposed to, yeah, keep everyone’s knowledge? Then…I kind of have to keep abreast of what everyone’s doing…”

Sighing, Kokichi rubbed his forehead through the blanket. “My mentor… They’ve helped me through everything and…even if I’ve turned out to be a bit more than they signed up for, they’ve never faltered. And I have another friend that I talk to about Empath issues…though, I should go apologize to him soon. Nellis yelled at him for a bit, last night.”

“Oh?” Dr. Mariah asked, tilting her head slightly. Her long black hair cascading over her shoulder as she said, “I had thought Nellis had arrived to start conflict with Kaito, based on your story. But it was a third party?”

Kokichi sighed, and brought his legs up to rest his head on his knees. “It was more like…Kai-chan asked a question that made me look so deep into myself, my past life came out, and then while he was fronting just…decided to take up issue with everything he could in the timeframe. He was arguing semantics with my friend, about the fringe cases of where people end up in the afterlife.”

“Well, that certainly sounds like a ‘thing’ all on its own.” Dr. Mariah mused, taking out her journal and tapping at it, “Kaito asked you a question so intense that it sparked the possession and aggression of a past life? May I ask what it was?”

Kokichi hesitated, just for a moment. “If there was anything that could make me step away from Dicea. To ‘give up my fate’, so it were. There’s more context to that, but…I don’t feel comfortable talking about it without discussing it with Kai-chan first.”

Dr. Mariah nodded at that, giving him a soft look, “Well, that brings me back to the crux of the matter. I know the answer is ‘not good’, but the point of these emergency sessions are to get you out of a crisis situation. While I can make some judgment calls, it’s ultimately up to my patients, to tell me if they’re still in crisis or not. You did ask me to come, didn’t you, that wasn’t something Kaito decided on his own? How are you feeling about everything, in general?”

“I did…” Kokichi nodded. “Right after I was ‘me’ again, I…I knew today wasn’t gonna be good, so I asked him to ask for an emergency session. …thank you for coming, by the way. I know it is what we pay you for…but I still appreciate it.”

Managing a very small smile, Kokichi knew it wouldn’t look great if he said what he was going to while still under his blankets, so with a breath he nudged them off his head. He didn’t make a move to start untangling himself from them, though. “I feel…like it’s not as overwhelming, now. It’s still kind of daunting, and I’m still…hurt…but I’m allowed to feel that way. And I don’t think I’m going to be hurting anyone with those emotions.”

“...can I ask Kai-chan to come back?”

Dr. Mariah nodded. “Good. I’ll go get him, but be conscious, Kokichi, that if you’re feeling like you can manage these feelings now, you are allowed to regress later, on this same matter. And if that happens, you can call on me again. These discussions are never ‘one and done’s’, and especially for something as fresh as this, you don’t have to feel like you’ve run out of time to talk about it.”

That said, she got up and headed to the door.

Now, she hadn’t missed it. She knew Kokichi had asked if he could ask Kaito to come back. If he meant in person, or empathetically, either way… Dr. Mariah, knowing what she did now, wanted to see him first.

Heading to the nursery, she lightly knocked at the door. “Kaito, it’s Dr. Mariah.”

There was a moment, before the door opened up. Kaito, holding a soundly sleeping Miyako, looking down at her, “Oh! Hey, already? I thought it’d take longer than that. How is he?”

“He’s struggling, but he can manage. And he’s hoping to talk to you.” Dr. Mariah tilted her head again, smelling the air around him, “...are you? In a good place to talk to him?”

“Yeah, of course.” Kaito said, already heading out the room and towards his bedroom, Dr. Mariah watching him go with a mildly puzzled expression.

… that shouldn’t be true. Everything she knew about Kaito lead this to being a crisis situation for him too. But he didn’t taste overwhelmed or distraught. He didn’t taste like much, honestly. He seemed normal.

She followed him back inside, Kaito going to place Miyako down in the crib, whispering to her to be a good girl, before hurrying to Kokichi’s side. Sitting on the edge of the bed as he grinned brightly at Kokichi, his expression soft as, automatically, he started lightly untangling Kokichi’s blanket, which looked like it was wrapping too tightly around his stomach and hips. Smoothing the blanket out a bit as Dr. Mariah went to sit down again, “Hey, beautiful~”

It was going to be difficult to feel that way. It would feel like failure, or a lie, if it all started feeling disastrous and overwhelming again, but…the fact of the matter was, he wasn’t “over” it. Something this big, finding out he was a ridiculously rare case of reincarnation, and the holder of an entire sect of knowledge, wasn’t something someone should just be able to cope with in a matter of hours. And Kokichi felt like it’d be a different ordeal entirely once he started taking up his work as the archive, whatever that looked like. 

But it would be okay. He had people around him to help out, and to listen when he just needed to cry. They’d figure it out. 

Kokichi looked over when Kaito re-entered the room, watching with a soft look as he laid Miyako down in her crib. Therapy wasn’t the time to crawl into his husband’s lap, but he did appreciate the light, fussing touches as Kaito readjusted his blankets. Kokichi was still wrapped up, his eyes a little red and irritated from crying, but…

“Hey. Thank you for taking charge with things this morning.”

“Yeah, babe, of course.” Kaito said, smoothing out the blanket a bit more, “You took care of me when I was having my fit. You went to go get Dr. Mariah right away. Though, Shuichi might be a little cross with me later, when he realizes exactly what I did… oh, but hopefully we’ll have a moonstone by the time he gets back! So that’s one more thing.”

Dr. Mariah gave Kaito another curious look, before smoothing out her dress. “So, Kaito. We wanted to call you back because there was a question I asked Kokichi, that he didn’t want to get into without you.”

“Oh?” Kaito hummed, pulling up his legs and sitting cross-legged on the bed, talking to Dr. Mariah but still idly looking Kokichi over– oh good, she had gotten him water– thoughts of how he should get his husband some breakfast soon on his mind as he asked, “Which one?”

…they’d have to talk about all that management later…but yeah. Okay. One thing at a time. 

Kokichi sighed. “I explained how I found Nellis because you asked me if there was anything that could make me give up Dicea, but…the reason why you asked that question has a lot of context, and I didn’t want to explain it without your consent. Could…we talk about what we did last night, before all my stuff? I think it…might be helpful.”

He wasn’t the only person dealing with earth-shattering revelations.

At that, there was a flash of… something. That submerged deeply somewhere right away, as Kaito nodded. “Yeah, of course. Hold on, let me think…”

“Okay, so…” Kaito let out a low whistle, “Man, this is a whole thing. So, do you know what ‘shards’ are?”

Dr. Mariah raised an eyebrow, “I can’t say I do, no.”

“Okay, well, basically… souls, right? Uh…” Kaito shrugged, “I was born the reincarnation of three souls all mushed together. Like a big, soul-y sorta soup, all meshing together to make ‘Kaito’.”

“An amalgamation.” Dr. Mariah said, looking a little surprised, but not unfamiliar. “You’re an amalgamation?”

“...ya know, I think I literally used that word myself? I’m glad I’m not the only person who thought that made sense.” Kaito grinned at her, “Our other amalgamation friend gets called an ‘abomination’ and that sounds so much worse. Like a slur, ya know?”

“It does.” Dr. Mariah agreed, “I’m aware soul mergings are possible in theory. I’ve never heard of them being called ‘Shards’, but I believe I’m tracking so far. So, you found out you’re a soul specifically designed with a purpose by Atua?”

“I…” Kaito paused, “...do you think?”

Realizing she had made a leap, Dr. Mariah corrected herself, “Well, as a member of the Momota family, any odd alterations or guidances to your soul tends to be Atua’s doing. It’s one of the responsibilities and burdens of being his chosen family.”

Kaito nodded slowly at that, “...that makes… sense. Well, yeah, so, I’m a Atua Soul soup. Anyway, Kokichi and his friends used his cool empath powers to let me go talk to my individual parts, cause I wanted to check in on them. See if they had any unfinished business? And… they sorta do, sorta don’t.” Kaito said, frowning, something flashing through him again, “One of them never got to… live his life.” Kaito said, frowning at that, “Or, not independently, he had the other two shards added to him and all three of them made me. I guess I’m a different person than him, sort of. Or, maybe not? Me and him just never lived independently of each other, ultimately. And he…”

Kaito frowned, before shaking his head, “All of my shards had some big, divine quest they had been born to do. And they all gave it up to be me, because someone– maybe Atua?-- told them it’d be more important than what they were going to do. None of them can remember what it was, so far, but they all agreed to give up their, ya know… ‘quests’ or… ‘purposes’. Original purpose. Their goals. Akane left behind her family… Kaito, other Kaito, left behind his kingdom. I don’t know what my third one gave up yet. Things got a little busy, I’ll talk to him some other day.”

Amalgamation… Definitely better than ‘abomination’, though the imagery Kokichi associated with ‘amalgamation’ was very…sci-fi horror-y. And maybe, in a sense, the melding of shards into a new person was cosmic horror. But Alter Ego and Kaito weren’t awful experiments, or tortured beings… They were just…people. A bit more unique than the next. 

But it wasn’t exactly up to Kokichi to dictate proper terminology according to his own learned connotations. 

As for Atua being the one that “created” Kaito… If Kaito had been Kaito from birth, that made sense, especially when Dr. Mariah outlined what being a god’s chosen entailed. And…they knew he was the one who had “stolen” Maki for…some purpose. And if Shard Kaito knew his purpose was entangled with Maki’s…then it made sense that Atua had gathered shards for him, and then placed Kaito and Maki so they would, at the very least, have a good chance of meeting each other. 

(Though that begged the question of how much a god could meddle with the direction of someone’s life. Kokichi believed that Maki and Kaito’s relationship was something they had built together, but…Maki said that orphaned kids were taken as far away from where they were born as possible. To have ended up in an orphanage in the capital, then she would’ve been born on the outskirts of Luminary. But…if she had been purposefully born there, then…was it pre-ordained that she would be orphaned? That was…more involved that Kokichi had seen gods act. Crueler, too.)

Kokichi sighed and nodded. “We’ll talk to him… I’m sorry, again, that I interrupted before we could get to him. It wasn’t something I did purposefully, but…we had planned that whole thing just for you.”

“But…yeah. That’s the context. Kai-chan had just been told by two parts of him that they had given up things that…meant the world to them, for something bigger. So, he asked me and…everything in me said that I couldn’t give Dicea up, but…”

Kokichi’s eyebrows pinched in. “I know there are things bigger than Dicea, and that other people will take my place, if I ever stepped away. But I couldn’t bring myself to even…consider it. And then…Nellis showed up. And…well. Maybe, in a way, I already have given up the things I cared about, for a bigger cause a goddess asked me to take care of.”

“I see…” Dr. Mariah looked back and forth between Kokichi and Kaito. “All of that is… quite a bit. Kaito, how have you been feeling since you woke up?”

“I mean, a lot of things, of course.” Kaito said, scratching the back of his neck, “But I’ve been so busy since I woke up that I honestly feel mostly fine. I’m more worried for Kokichi than anything. And now that I know there’s a way I can help, I want to… oh, we… shoot, actually, disregard that. I found out I can help a friend with something that’s been worrying me, and I’m excited to do that now too, but out of respect for them I can’t explain what.” Kaito said, giving the doctor a sheepish grin, “But, yeah, that’s on my mind now, want to get started on that. I’ll have to explain myself to Maki and Shuichi when they get back, so that’s probably the next most immediate thing, or… actually, no, breakfast is the next most immediate thing, Kokichi and I need to eat, and by the time we’re all done discussing all of this stuff, lunch will probably be on our minds, so that’s that next part, and I think with the trip coming up in a few days, I want to double check myself that everything is ready, especially Kokichi’s medicine, I want to double check that he’ll have some of it stored and ready to go for the day, and then tomorrow–”

“Right. But, without thinking about what the next thing to do is.” Dr. Mariah interrupted, before deciding to narrow down the topic, “Meeting your souls. How do you feel about that.”

“One of them was an edgelord who wanted to murder his family, the other was a dog who abandoned hers, and who knows what the third one did.” Kaito said simply. Gaze blank and far away as he shrugged, “Something shitty, probably. I know that’s an unkind way to think about it, but I’m… in a bad mood. It’s about as generous to them as I’m willing to be right now.”

Kokichi frowned, looking over in tired worry as Kaito…basically rambled about all the things he was thinking about to distract himself. It was good to keep those things in mind, and Kokichi knew he’d swung all the way to the other end, with how, if he hadn’t asked for an emergency session, he’d probably just stay in bed all day and neglect everything, but…

Kaito wasn’t letting himself process at all. Maybe because it would be too painful, or because Kokichi was hurting too, and that seemed more important to focus on. Because they were pretty awful about “taking turns” being sad. Historically, Kokichi was pretty awful about trying to pull Kaito out of things like this…but he still had to try. 

“I know you’re not saying that as a way to insult yourself, Kai-chan…but they still are you. You know it’s unkind…” He sighed. “...do you wanna talk about your bad mood? I may have asked for a session…but we both found out a lot of heavy stuff last night. I want to know how you’re doing.”

“Oh, I mean…” Kaito frowned. Something tensing in his jaw, “...Nellis was… a lot, wasn’t he. He was very rude to our friends. Honestly, if he wasn’t you, Kokichi, I’d have given him a piece of my mind…but you could see out of his eyes, right? Like, it would have been yelling at you? I don’t want to do that. Still. Put me in a rough mood.”

That said, he gave Kokichi a small smile, “But more than anything, I’m just in a bad mood because I watched you have a tough day yesterday. Last night. I mean, I already knew just talking to my shards was going to be rough on you. My ‘kichi doesn’t like the… destiny and god stuff. For a lot of really valid reasons! And… I don’t think you’re wrong. In fact, the more I learn about all this stuff?” Kaito said, gesturing vaguely around the air, clearly meaning ‘everything’, “The more I think you’re right! It’s just a bunch of… people, being all… pushy. About shit. But we’re our own people and we make our own decisions. And the universe is…”

Kaito grit his teeth, “Random. And… doesn’t care about us. We can’t count on it. It’ll let us down, every time. And honestly, seeing how fate acts? And what it’s all actually about? It’s…” Kaito gripped his hands into his fists… before he sighed, letting it go, shrugging, “...whatever. It’s a lot to think about.”

Looking over to Kokichi, Kaito smiled wanly, “...it was kinda cool meeting another Ouma, ‘Kichi. That’s exciting, isn’t it? Can you… always do that? Like, can you tap into Nellis now?”

“He was an asshole, wasn’t he,” Kokichi hummed in assent, curling up his hands in his blankets, though more just because it was comfortable, rather than out of an anxious attempt of making himself smaller. “Dr. Mariah summed it up well, while we were talking… He had a very infamous personality. I was still there, so… I’m sorry he was an ass to you.”

It made sense that yesterday was rough for Kaito, because it had been rough for Kokichi--they loved each other, that’s just how it worked. But…there were things that Kokichi felt like were really worth discussing were it applied to Kaito first. It was him they had been learning about first, and the fact that Kaito was being unkind specifically towards his shards… Well, Kokichi thought that said something. 

“...it is a lot to think about. It’s okay if you’re still thinking it through, just to yourself, but…I would like to hear your thoughts, when you’re ready to share.”

Sighing softly, Kokichi managed a small smile. “...it is exciting, when I can take a step back from…how scary everything is. The past Oumas are my heroes… It…complicates things, a little, knowing that some of them are me, but…I’ve always loved reading about them, and the things they accomplished in their lives. When I get to the point I can get excited? People are gonna have to yell at me all the time to actually get sleep, ‘cause I’ll be gushing over my past lives, learning from them all the time.”

“I can tap into them but…” Kokichi frowned softly, trying to figure out how to explain the information he just…had, once Nellis had fronted. “It’s not like…they’ll be able to speak from my mouth. They’re memories, still. If I go back into them it…it’ll be like me reminiscing very, very hard. It’s just the fact that Empaths can manifest memories that made it so it was like he was “there” before.”

“See, that’s the fun part of all of this.” Kaito grinned tiredly, “You have all this cool new knowl–”

There was a light, light knock on the door… and then a very tense voice as Shuichi hissed through the wood, “Kaito? Are you in there?”

Kaito raised an eyebrow, looking to the door with an almost bemused expression, “Ah, shoot. Really thought Maki could keep him out longer.” 

Dr. Mariah gave Kokichi a questioning look, as Kaito got up to go to the door. “Is this something you’re comfortable with? We can ask them to give us space, you’re allowed.”

Kokichi looked over at the door, immediately a guilty look knitting his brow and bending his back, even if he hadn’t been the one to send Shuuichi away. However…this was a good opportunity.

“I’d like Shuu-chan to be here… I know he had plans this morning, but…if he’d like to be here too…I want to tell him what happened. Didn’t get a chance to earlier, and…I was too tired after I left Kai-chan to make any more stops.”

Kaito opened the door, grinning cheerfully, “H~eeeeey, handso–”

“Are you kidding me?” Shuichi said, glaring at him, Maki shrugging at Kaito behind him, “What happened? Is he okay?”

“He’s alright, he’s alright. He’s…” Kaito glanced over his shoulder, “going through a thing. Um, empath stuff… Maki, did you get that moonstone?”

Maki held up a small, blue stone, “This it?”

“...maybe?” Kaito shrugged, “We’ll confirm with Miss Crystal or Amber, one of them will know for sure. Keep holding onto that. Where’s Tim?”

“Back in his room.” Shuichi said tensely, “Going to take a nap because someone woke him up at some ungodly hour. Sending him on errands.”

“Yeah, that’s my bad. Alright, come in guys. Dr. Mariah is here.”

Shuichi, shooting Kaito another frustrated look, softened as soon as he saw Kokichi, quickly heading over. “Kokichi, are you okay? You’ve been crying.”

Kokichi smiled softly as Shuuichi came towards him, reaching out of his blanket pile to hold his hands for a gentle moment. “Hey… I’m…better. Kai-chan and I had a lot of heavy revelations last night and…I’m not coping that well. But…it’s better now, than when I first woke up.”

“You guys…might wanna sit down.”

Confirming with Kaito once more--if he was okay telling Dr. Mariah, then it would point to an issue if he wanted to keep it from Shuuichi and Maki…but Kokichi wouldn’t barrel on without his consent, either way--Kokichi took a breath and started explaining. How he and his mentor and their friend started talking with Kaito about the shard-related questions he had, and how that ended up with them going on a field trip to ask the shards for unfinished business. 

How it wasn’t just Akane and Caleb, but Kaito too, and how Kaito and Akane had explained they once had other paths and purposes in their lives…but had given them up for something bigger, though what that was wasn’t anything they could remember now. And, faced with that, Kaito had asked Kokichi if he would be able to make the sacrifices Akane and Kaito had and…

That ended up with Kokichi searching so deep within himself, he discovered his past life. The fact that he had past lives, and that, along with two other souls, had been reincarnated fully over and over as part of the goddess of wisdom’s experiment of Dicea. How Kokichi had been channeling the memory of his great-grandfather, who had been a total jerk, and Nellis had explained all this…as well as a solution they had been looking for for a long time, and that’s what the moonstone thing is about, Maki-chan.

Not totally sure he’d comprehensively covered everything, Kokichi took a breath, looking at his friends tiredly. “...so, yeah. That’s what happened last night.”

“Well… never a dull moment,” Maki mused. 

“...so you’re a… recurring reincarnation of Dicean leaderships for the last… few thousand years? However long Dicea has been a kingdom?” Shuichi asked, frowning. “...and also the archive of the Empath community.”

Maki put a finger up. “I’d like to say I called that one. I mean, not that it was Kokichi, but if I was an Empath? That’s absolutely how I’d store an archive too.”

“Maki,” Kaito said tiredly, “Now’s not the time for ‘I told you so’s’... though that is impressive if you called that.”

Shuichi’s brow furrowed… “How often does the reincarnation occur?” he asked, looking to Kokichi, “Is it instantaneous?”

“We’ve only been a unified kingdom for 500 years…but there have been societies here for thousands of years,” Kokichi nodded, “Since there wasn’t a single leader, it’d be harder to see any historical record…but I think we were just scattered among the different nation-states until the Unification King founded Dicea.”

…and Maki had called it. Now Kokichi’s questions about it were a little more pertinent, but…hey. He was a living person with a community’s archive in his head. 

…

Some of the deadened look returned to Kokichi’s eyes as he shrugged at Shuuichi’s questions. “...not quite… I was born around thirty years after King Nellis died… And I think Leader Grimm was born around…maybe fifty years after King Vander died. I guess it just takes a generation before we’re needed again.”

The back of Kaito’s jaw clicked, cracking his knuckles a little. Thirty to fifty years, roughly… before his expression evened out again. Back to that calm neutrality as he gave Kokichi a small smile. “That’s incredible, really. Kokichi, in a very real way? You’re, just… so old. Like, I’ve always had a thing for older guys, you’re just full of wisdom and–” Kaito gave him a wink, “--experience.”

And then the back of his jaw clicked again. “Hey, I know we all have a lot to talk about, but should I get some food sent up?” Kaito asked, looking around the group, “Shuichi, you ate already, but I can still get you some tea and fruit if you’re feeling peckish? Dr. Mariah, have you eaten yet?”

Dr. Mariah, who had chosen to be quiet for the last twenty minutes or so, watching as things unfolded in the explanations, trying to decide how to approach all this, tried to decide if it was worth disrupting Kaito’s temporary coping mechanism… she’d give him a little more time. “Tea and fruit sounds lovely, Kaito. Berries are my preference.”

“I can walk with you, Kaito,” Maki said, standing up. “Shuichi, Kokichi? Preferences?”

In some ways…it was good. Kokichi had taken real comfort in Kaito saying that nothing had changed. And, at the end of the day, he was right. What their goals were, and what they would do, day by day, hadn’t changed. They would raise Miyako and Tim, Kokichi’s successor if they needed raising (but the care would come no matter what), Kokichi would continue his work leading, Shuuichi would go to school, perhaps pursue a magic-related career, Maki would find herself, and maybe a new cause to devote herself to, and Kaito would care for their family, maybe finding a new path too. 

Just because Kokichi’s history was longer, and Kaito’s more complicated, it didn’t change what they had decided for their future. 

But…

…if Dr. Mariah was letting him go, it probably meant a break would be good, but…

Kokichi’s eyes gleamed with tears again, and his bottom lip trembled. Shaking his head a little, Kokichi replied with a strained tone, trying not to cry again. “...I-I don’t think I can eat…”

Kaito tensed, immediately coming back as he sat down again, crossing his legs as he said, “Oh, okay, we won’t do that then. Hey, it’s fine, we’ll eat later.”

Maki’s eyes narrowed at that, glancing between all of them, before shooting a look at Dr. Mariah. Dr. Mariah tapping against her journal…

“Kaito,” Maki said, “We should still get food. He should have food available when he’s hungry.”

Kaito nodded, waving his hand vaguely at her. “Absolutely. Maki, could you go get it? Thank you.”

Maki shot Kokichi a look. “...I’ll get something simple for you, if you’re hungry later,” Maki said dryly, heading out of the room.

Kaito glanced over his shoulder as she closed the door… before he said, “Oh, I gotta remember to tell her about the weird ‘dragon’ stuff with other Kaito. I still want to apologize to her for that, at some point…” He looked back softly at Kokichi. “Hey, I know this is ‘therapy’ time, but… like, we’re in our bedroom, and let’s be honest, this is pretty informal already,” Kaito said, giving Dr. Mariah a small, sheepish shrug, “Do you mind if I hold him? My ‘Kichi’s emotional.”

Dr. Mariah hesitated… “Well, you’re welcome to. But be aware, the reason I’m staying is because I’m expecting this discussion to become more difficult the more we discuss it. There will come a point where distance will help.”

“Sure, but, like, right now…” Kaito grinned brightly at Kokichi, “Come here, babe, you’ve been sweating into that blanket. I’m all fresh and stuff, I’ll be way more comfy.”

…honestly, all that just made Kokichi shrink more into himself…even if that was a normal reaction to seeing someone on the brink of tears. Sure, sometimes it was kind to not call someone out, but not in a situation like this. Of course Kaito wouldn’t just leave, like everything was normal. 

He couldn’t bring himself to verbalize it, sure that if he spoke any more it’d come out as a sob, but Kokichi was grateful to Maki for promising him food anyway. His stomach was all in tense knots, but he did need to eat eventually. He just…couldn’t bring himself to right now. 

Rather than shedding the blankets, Kokichi just moved the whole bundle with him inside it over to Kaito, ducking his head against his chest. Face only crumpling more, though he didn’t allow himself to break. 

He knew that being able to cry and grieve was a good thing. But…he felt like he’d done it so often, crying about the thing that both he and Kaito were upset about, but Kaito was stalling, and…it never seemed to help Kaito. Maybe just…holding on for a little more would help. 

…he didn’t know. Maybe.

“Hey there~” Kaito whispered, putting his arms around Kokichi– blanket bundle and all– holding him close as he kissed against his head a little, “There’s my guy~”

Shuichi, in turn, was staring at his hands. A distant look on his face… before he reached up to adjust his hat. Suddenly looking deeply, uncomfortably sad. “...I only really believed in the idea of paradise for the last few months. It’s been a relatively short idea. I’m… actually a little surprised, at how much comfort I was taking in–”

“Shuichi, I’m sorry I lied to you,” Kaito interrupted, looking up at him with an earnest look, “I know we just talked about this. About how I don’t let you help, when stuff like this happens, and it makes you feel insecure. I’m really sorry. I just… I did it for myself. I just wasn’t ready to be a part of a whole ‘thing’. I thought if I could keep things separated, compartmentalized, it’d be easier to manage in smaller bits… I’m really sorry I sent you away when I knew something like this was coming.”

Shuichi hesitated. “Oh… um, well, yes. I was furious with you, when I found out what you did. Kaito, of course I want to be here if Kokichi needs us. You can’t keep separating us when one of us is hurting, that’s not fair to us, we can help each other.”

Kaito nodded, rubbing Kokichi’s shoulder through the blanket. “I know. And now that you’re here, I’m glad you’re back. You and Maki. Maki’s going to make certain we have food, and you’re… handling all of this really well, actually. Don’t you have questions about all of this?”

“Tons. But none of them are pressing,” Shuichi said, “I just want to be here. Be a part of this.”

Dr. Mariah watched Kaito nod, giving Shuichi an adoring look… she tapped against her journal. “We should discuss what Shuichi was trying to bring up,” she said softly, “It doesn’t have to be immediately. But I don’t think this will stop being a crisis situation until we’ve gone through it.”

Despite how clearly he was feeling it, it was difficult for Kokichi to identify Shuuichi’s sadness. Every person experienced their emotions uniquely, of course, but…for some things, it was hard to feel where Kokichi’s emotions ended and another person’s started when they were feeling the same thing. 

Even when Kaito cut him off, Kokichi could barely register the apology Kaito gave. With what Shuuichi started, the ache in Kokichi’s chest grew along with the tears in his eyes, and it was only his teeth biting down on his lip that kept him from making a sound…

But when Dr. Mariah coaxed the subject again…Kokichi could only hold out for so long. 

With a wrenching sob, Kokichi cried into Kaito’s chest. “...y-you said the - the trials alone c-can take hun-hundreds of years… I don’t want to leave you!!”

Kaito started to tremble, holding Kokichi closer, his pupils dilating painfully. Little white chills of terror running through him. “...w-well, we don’t… know that it will take that long. Atua’s… kind, and… he loves us, and… maybe he’ll… he’ll let us in early, and, and…” Kaito felt his eyes water, but he pushed that back too, as he murmured, “...Shuichi and I can go do our trials later and…–”

“We’re right back where we started.” Shuichi said sadly. Scooting in closer to Kaito and Kokichi, before putting his head on Kokichi’s knee, resting on Kaito’s lap. His own eyes swimming, but his voice entirely calm as he said, “Just… facing the reality that Kokichi doesn’t have as long as us. I guess there’s some things you can’t escape.”

“Shut up, Shuichi,” Kaito suddenly snapped, turning a heated look to his fiance… before he swallowed hard, “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry. B-but Kokichi’s not dying, he’s… he’s, you’re, you’re gonna be fine, beautiful. You’re gonna go back to lead Dicea some more and… we’ll be cheering for you and…”

Kokichi started to shake, feeling Kaito’s abject terror. This was something they desperately needed to talk about. To…grieve together about. But…it was hard. And harder to face the fact that…there was just nothing to do about it. 

(...because Kokichi couldn’t give Dicea up for anything. But…maybe he could plead for a few more years. It went against his ethos, that no one but the three old souls were suited for leading Dicea. Maybe…someone else could have a chance and…he could have just a few more years…)

(...Temp said that even a reincarnated soul like him would one day let himself go back to the universe. But if it’d already been thousands of years…when was he going to be able to rest?)

Kokichi reached out a trembling hand towards Shuuichi, cupping the side of his face as he sobbed. Right back where they started…but it had hurt to get his hopes up. At least…he had already accepted it before. 

A wounded noise escaped Kokichi’s throat. “But I won’t be w-with you guys… A-and I won’t re-remember you… And the p-person I will be then will eventually, but…it won’t be the same and… I d-don’t want to forget you…”

As Shuichi put his hand on top of Kokichi’s, just quietly crying into his leg, Kaito’s eyes went more distant. “I… well… we’ll… we’ll still remember you and… and… you’ll get… more chances to love more people and…I’m…”

Kaito’s face scrunched, brow furrowing. “I’m… sure you’ve loved lots of people and… maybe some of them are still around, somewhere? We could… we could find them and say hello… I-I’m sure they’d love to hear from you and… and maybe in the future you’ll come say hello to me and… it’ll be enough to see you’re okay and…”

“It’s okay, that there’s no real silver lining to this Kaito,” Dr. Mariah said gently, “This, especially after everything you thought was true, now being the situation? It’s okay that it’s terrible. Some things are terrible. And all we can do is let it hurt us, for the moment.”

“I don’t want to feel terrible,” Kaito said simply. Just entirely honest, as he said, “I’ll get angry.”

The people who ran that nursery on the far side of town boasted about their relation to Queen Koharu. The queen that had adored her sister so much, that even still on just the other side of industrialization, while people were marveling at how quickly the world was changing, and all the things they could now do to contribute to it, she had looked at what they were giving up. She didn’t put a full stop to her people making strides in the world, but she looked at what they could do to respect the world that was already there. 

She had loved people whole-heartedly and fully, to the point the family that came from her was still tight-knit. 

…it felt wrong, to go to people who were strangers--great-great-etc grandchildren and nieces and nephews--and…tell them that great-x grandma loved them. It wasn’t that…he, they, didn’t care…but that was no longer their life. 

It was Kokichi’s life…and he was facing one day losing the people he cared about most. 

Kokichi just shook his head as he cried, soaking Kaito’s shirt, clutching Shuuichi’s hand. They had the rest of their lives, and even time after, which was so much more that he’d once hoped for. 

But… “It still hurts…” Kokichi squeaked against his husband. “It hurts…it’s not fair…”

“I’m sorry,” Kaito whispered, increasingly looking defeated, “I don’t know how to make it better.”

“You don’t have to,” Dr. Mariah told him gently, “This is something terrible. It was always going to be terrible, to lose out on time with your loved ones. Time you thought you had. There is no true solution to something like this, nothing you can do. The only thing that will bring closure is grieving.”

Kaito gave Dr. Mariah a tired look. Holding Kokichi close and putting an arm around Shuichi, feeling his body grow increasingly wetter against them. “...Dr. Mariah, can you give us a moment?”

She nodded, standing up. “I’ll go see if I can’t catch Maki on her way up, give her a hand. We’ll be back shortly. Just… rest, all of you. Closure won’t come today. But by the end of this, you’ll feel calmer. I promise.”

Kaito frowned at her, watching her leave. As the door clicked behind her, he just turned to look down at his men. Quietly just holding them as they wept. 

“...maybe we’ll be ready?” Shuichi quietly rasped, after a while, rubbing his thumb along Kokichi’s hand, “It’s still not for a long time. Really. Maybe it won’t feel like this, the day you have to go.”

Even having a head start on tears, they were still sluggishly leaking out of Kokichi’s eyes even when his sobs had calmed and Shuuichi stroked his hand. He was little better than limp in Kaito’s lap, though he still had one hand fisted in his shirt. Just not as tight as it had been. 

“I’ll ask… I’ll beg her to let me stay as long as I can…” Kokichi sniffled, eyes now swollen, along with the other irritation. “A great leader can come from anywhere…another person can have a chance…for a while?”

“...I don’t feel like I’ll ever be ready…”

Kaito blinked tiredly at the wall… before chuckling lightly. Placing a small kiss on the top of his husband’s head. “You’re gonna be so restless after thirty years of not getting to do leader stuff. We’ll be lucky if we get fifty before you start subtly hinting to us how badly you want to go back.”

“Kaito.” 

“What?” Kaito asked, grinning down at Shuichi, pushing his hat off with a little flick, before apologizing for the offense by running his hands soothingly through his hair, “Our ‘Kichi’s a workaholic. More than that, he’s been working for a really, really long time… he’ll want to go back to work, eventually. I just hope we can get through the trials quick enough that you get to enjoy paradise with us for a little while. It’ll be a great vacation, before the next round.”

Kokichi could only shake his head…before letting out a puff of air. “...we’re only in our 20s… Shouldn’t have to even start making preparations for physical death until…our 40s. There’s… We have so much time left together…”

…and he wasn’t ready for it to end. 

“...shouldn’t have to fear the end before we’ve really even had time to live it.”

Kokichi clenched his eyes shut tight. “...I wanna make it to paradise with both of you…”

“Then we will,” Kaito said simply. Still tiredly staring at nothing, placing soothing touches on both of his lovers. “We’ll enjoy our at least eighty years on earth, and then even if Atua doesn’t make an exception for us, which I bet he will, we’ll speed through those trials. We’ll set records. Kohtalon’s fast, he’ll help us race through. And we’ll go to paradise and…” Kaito squeezed his eyes shut, a flash of pain running through his face, before it calmed, “I’m sure we’ll get to say hi and spend time with a lot of people, that we’ll have been missing by then. We’ll… well, you just know Maki will somehow beat us to it, she’s Maki, she’ll flip off Atua and just meet us there. And we’ll… we’ll enjoy our time there and when it’s time? We’ll see you off like you’re going on a long business trip. And… Dr. Mariah’s wrong. It won’t be terrible. It’ll be sad you won’t remember us, or… it won’t matter when you do. But I can’t be angry that you’re going off to live your life, Kokichi.”

“I’m your prince-consort. My job is to support and love you,” Kaito said, closing his eyes tiredly, “And I always knew Dicea… would be a priority. And I promised, I swore, to not get in the way of that, to not make that hard for you. And you’re not leaving us to die, or banishing us, you’ll be seeing us off to paradise. And that’s… okay. That’s what we promised to do for each other. I wouldn’t make it hard for you to be the Ouma you’ll always be, and you won’t hurt us, or let others hurt us. That’s our vows. We’re not breaking our vows.”

“I’ll get to see you do lots of great things,” Kaito murmured, “If I’m lucky, I’ll get to hear about all the great things you’re doing in your next life too. That’s not terrible. I’m very lucky.”

“...I don’t know if I see it all like that,” Shuichi admitted softly, “But if it helps, Kaito… it’s not a bad way to look at it…”

…Kaito was going to get to introduce him to Miss Mery. He was going to get answers from his parents, and Kokichi would be there to support him through it. He’d even get answers and…maybe reconciliation with Byakuya and…Kokichi would grow to be happy about it. Kaito would get to see all the friends who had been so cruelly taken from him, and Kokichi would get to meet them. 

…Kokichi would get to introduce Kaito and Shuuichi to his mom. 

They could do it. 

…it still was going to be terrible. But…maybe Kokichi would one day accept it. And even if his future selves would forget, and even if he would never really be him again…Kokichi, the memory of Kokichi, would never forget his loves. They would be a part of him, of his intact soul, forever. 

Until one day the inevitability of the universe came for him too. 

Kokichi couldn’t quite see it like Kaito either, and there was a part of him that saw Kaito’s words as just…another type of delaying tactic. But it wasn’t his job to manage Kaito’s feelings, or invalidate his perspectives. It was just his job to listen and support him. 

Kokichi sniffled again, another agonizing wave of tears rolling down his cheeks. “...I’m gonna love you guys forever.”

“I know,” Kaito said softly, closing his eyes, “I will always love you too.”

“Same,” Shuichi whispered, “...we will be fine. Won’t we?”

“Yes,” Kaito said sternly, resting his forehead against Kokichi’s head, “We’ll be fine. We have a long, long time. Everything is going to be more than fine. We’re going to do great.”

“...I still feel a little sick,” Shuichi admitted, clinging to both of them, “That was a lot to learn all at once.”

Kaito chuckled a little, “Hey, on the bright side? We didn’t have to do it alone this time. We all found out within, like, a night of each other. We are winning at supporting each other! Getting through it!” He quietly cheered, grinning down at them both… before grimacing. “Ugh, my stomach hurts too. Darnit, Shuichi, you put that in my head.”

“Good thing we have breakfast coming then, huh,” Kokichi said dryly, sniffling more to try and not get any, er, more snot on Kaito’s shirt. “My Empathy grows by the day, now I can show you the fun little quirk of not being able to get anything down when you feel like shit.”

With a sigh, Kokichi closed his eyes, resting his full weight against Kaito. “...I will, when Miya needs me…but otherwise I’m not getting out of bed today.”

Another sigh. 

“...still going to the funeral tomorrow.”

“I mean, of course,” Kaito murmured, “You should go. It’s an important event, that hasn’t stopped being true.”

There was a small knock at the door, and with that warning Dr. Mariah opened it, Maki bringing in a tray of food and drinks. “Oatmeal for Kokichi, lightly sweetened, some oranges and peanuts for Kaito, sliced apples with bread for Shuichi, tea and water for everyone,” Maki announced. 

Kaito hadn’t had breakfast that morning, but that was alright. Oranges and peanuts would be enough, and he didn’t want to leave to get more. As Maki passed things around to whoever was willing to take it, Dr. Mariah went to sit down, sipping at her tea. “How are we feeling about things?” she asked the group.

“Terrible,” Shuichi said plainly, sighing as he sat up to take the bowl from Maki, “But… not crushingly so.

“We did some talking about it while you were gone,” Kaito admitted, taking his offerings but putting it aside for now, going back to holding Kokichi, “I’m putting a lot of faith that future Kaito’s going to have a good head about this by the time things get critical, and for now, I’m just appreciative of the time we do have.”

And, well…being able to share stories, and celebrate Keita’s life would help ease that part of the grief that had been hanging over him for the past two weeks. He had always believed that a person wasn’t truly gone until their memory was no longer spoken of. And for life…that was still true. 

They had a long time yet. 

Taking a deep breath, Kokichi looked over to the tray and gave Maki a small smile. “Thanks, Maki-chan. Can’t…eat yet, but I appreciate it.”

…it was all they could do with their time. 

Kokichi nodded slightly with Kaito’s words, just tiredly listening to his husband’s heartbeat. He wondered if Miyako got her enjoyment of it from him, or if it was just that incredible and they both happened to be lucky enough to have Kaito. 

“It’s not…something we’ll have to confront for a long, long time. Just…sucks to have it brought to attention now.”

“I feel it’s good, that you’ve gotten to a place where you can all say something like that,” Dr. Mariah said, giving them a small, calming smile, “And, I want to do a proper session with you all, to get into all of this in more detail. A part of me is tempted to do it now, but… it might still be too fresh. A few days to process your feelings could help, especially with a trip coming up.”

Shuichi frowned, looking over to Maki. “...Maki, are you okay?”

Maki looked up from where she was leaning against the desk, sipping at her own tea. “With everything I just learned?” she asked.

Kaito nodded, agreeing with Shuichi. Wanting to check in with her. “Yeah. Is… I mean, there’s stuff I want to talk to you about on our own, or maybe at the proper therapy session, but with everything we’ve been talking about?”

Maki sipped her tea. “...I don’t mean to be cruel.” she said, giving them not unkind looks back, “But death is an old idea for me. And even with the confirmation of paradise, I knew I would lose you all with death. At least for a while. It will be sad, when Kokichi forgets me. I’m sure I’ll grieve it when it comes. But, that said… yes. I’m okay. I’m only sorry that you all are hurting.”

Kaito winced at that, and even Shuichi’s expression darkened, at the reminder that Maki would be separated from them at the trials… but that had always been true, even at all of their most optimistic. Maki was always going to be their lost limb, in death. True or false, she had never had a hope for otherwise.

Death, be it physical, or in the confusing, vast infinities of the afterlives…Maki had already had to make her peace with it. And even at her most emotional, she was rarely that sentimental. 

It would hurt when they were separated the first time…but it hadn’t happened yet, and Maki didn’t feel the need to grieve for an inevitability twice. But…

“...I don’t care what the timing is,” Kokichi murmured, raw voice barely more than a whisper. “I’ll see you again. I promise.”

Maki nodded. “I’ll hold you to it.”

Dr. Mariah sighed. “I won’t leave if anyone feels uncertain and needs me to stay. But it seems like crisis averted. I want to recommend… a therapy session in two days. We can take three, if you think you will need a rest day after the funeral, I will respect that. But my recommendation is sooner rather than later.”

Kokichi nodded tiredly against Kaito. “Might need a rest day, since we’re probably not gonna be back until midday the next day…” He sighed. “...I feel like I might swing low again…but I’m too tired for much of anything right now. I don’t think there’s much I’d be able to contribute, if we did talk more right now…but I can still listen, if anyone else needs to talk.”

“I imagine I’ll actually want to talk to Maki for a bit, if you both don’t mind,” Shuichi admitted, giving his fiances a tired look, “Do some lamenting. Is that okay?”

“That’s fine,” Kaito said, nodding, “I’ll stay here and take care of Miyako, Kokichi can get some rest, you and Maki can go and do what you need to do. I don’t want to sleep anyway, even if it’s just lightly. Unless I’m taking my pill, I think I’d like to really avoid my nightmares for a while.”

Dr. Mariah gave Kaito a considering look. “...perhaps you should also schedule a session with Miss Crystal soon. Perhaps tomorrow?”

“Ngh. I understand why you recommend that, but I think I’d rather bash my head into a wall than try to explain to Miss Crystal why I’m sad right now, without accidentally sounding crazy,” Kaito admitted, giving Dr. Mariah an exhausted look, “I’m going to end up on more damn pills, if I go to her about ‘sudden paranoid terror of my husband dying’. She’ll think something’s off with my meds.”

“If you phrase it as simply an existential dread of your husband’s eventual death, I think she’ll be more understanding than you give her credit for,” Dr. Mariah said gently, “But, I won’t force you. Just be aware that both she and I are resources for you. Especially if you’re going to be… alone? Tomorrow?”

“I’m sure I’ll see Ikuo,” Kaito said dryly. “I’ll be okay, I’ll take a walk or something if he’ll watch Miyako for an hour. It’ll be fine.”

Kokichi gave Shuuichi a sad, yet understanding look. Shuuichi had just found out about everything, so of course he needed to process it more than a group crying session with the people involved. Kokichi would never deny him that. 

But… “...later today, could we spend some time together? I know we’ll be together the whole time tomorrow, but…” …but it was hard to think about being away from his partners right then. He even wanted Maki there too, but he felt bad about demanding her time right then.  

He sighed. Finally prying his heavy hand from Kaito’s shirt. “...gonna check in on you too. Not all the time, but…when I send you cool scenes I can…kinda reach out to see how you’re doin’, if you want.”

Kokichi might be letting go of his shirt, but Kaito just tightened his grip around him, nuzzling him against his chest. “I’d like that. It’s always nice to know you’re looking out for me. I love you so much.”

“Of course we can spend time together later. Honestly, I’m fairly certain we’ll be back by lunch,” Shuichi admitted, leaning over to place a small kiss against Kokichi’s cheek, “I just need a few hours to get my head right. Think this through, wright it down in my journal. It helps me, to take a moment. Once it’s all down, I can come back and just… rest with you.”

“Let me walk you out, Dr. Mariah.” Maki said, heading to the door. Shuichi, bringing his bowl with him, followed her.

Kaito, keeping his grip on Kokichi, didn’t really make a move to go anywhere. “... wanna fall asleep on my chest?” he offered, giving Kokichi a tired look, “If Miya wakes up, I can move out from under you pretty easy. I won’t sleep, but I can hold you.”

Kokichi gave his friends, his family, (his soulmates, which made it so much worse, and yet so much better) a small smile. Thankful for their love, and all the time they had spent together, and all the years ahead of them. 

It would be okay. The time they had would be worth it. 

Shifting his heavy legs, Kokichi nodded against Kaito’s chest. “Yes, please. …I love you Kai-chan. Enough that I’ll argue with a goddess until I’m blue in the face for even just a minute more.”

-

Kaito was helping bring down the luggage, Miyako in the baby carrier around his chest, as he asked Shuichi, “It’s an overnight trip, handsome, why are you bringing a whole suitcase? What’s in here?”

“Almost nothing.” Shuichi responded with a small shrug, “I wanted to have space in case I wanted to bring anything back. I’m planning to look through their bookstores, see if there’s anything they have that we don’t.”

“Get me cute new baby clothes, dada~” Kaito said, his voice higher, taking Miyako’s arm and having her earnestly wave it at Shuichi, while Miyako contently sucked her pacifier, “Maybe the town will have cute little baby onesies dad hasn’t found yet~”

“You have enough baby clothes, Miyako.” Shuichi told her sternly, leaning down to place a small kiss against her forehead. 

“No such thing.” Kaito said, before giving Shuichi a sudden soft, earnest look, “...you’ll make sure he doesn’t overdo it?”

“He just has to quietly sit in an audience and listen.” Shuichi responded, though his expression wasn’t stern, “He’ll be alright.”

“...maybe I should ask him not to go.” Kaito whispered. Looking around with sudden nerves, like he was expecting some sort of immediate reprimand, and when it didn’t happen he continued, “He had a really hard day yesterday. He shouldn’t be traveling…”

“Maki and I will be with him.” Shuichi said, reaching out to gently take Kaito’s hand– a rare thing for him to do, with Kaito, it didn’t come as naturally to him as it did with Kokichi– and rubbing his thumb up and down his palm, “If he seems overwhelmed, I’ll insist he and I go somewhere private and quiet and rest. But you know he’ll regret it, if he doesn’t go, and asking him not to will just make him feel guilty either way.”

“Right…” Kaito sighed, squeezing Shuichi’s hand, “...I wish I could just make it better.”

“I know.” Shuichi gave him a searching look, “...maybe you should come with us. There’s still time. We could ask Ikou to watch Miyako overnight, bring Timothy with us–”

“No, no, it’s too last minute, and I don’t want to… go to a funeral.” Kaito admitted, shrugging. “I won’t handle it well. I’d just be in the way.”

“...should we get someone to watch Miyako anywa–”

“No.” Kaito said, his expression stiffening. “I can still take care of our daughter, Shuichi. And honestly, if I don’t have something to do, I will… not be okay. Okay?”

Shuichi sighed, squeezing his hand back before letting it go. “Okay.”

While Kaito had offered to take their luggage down, Kokichi still had his side bag with him as he stood by the carriage, chatting with his father as the king put his own luggage into it. Aiichi hadn’t gone so far as to bring a full suitcase, as Shuuichi did, but there was certainly extra space. A precaution he had learned over the years of traveling as the nation’s leader. 

“Are you really expecting that much?” Kokichi asked, raising an eyebrow as he peeked in. 

“Expecting without expecting,” Aiichi hummed completely unhelpfully, before he gave his son a small grin. “Everyone there is for Keita, of course, and while it could be surmised that we’ll show up, it’s not something that will be on the forefront of people’s minds. However…it doesn’t have to be at the forefront. Whether it’s a word or some small trinket of gratitude, we will inevitably steal some of the attention. It’s best to accept people’s feelings, then gently bring the subject back to Keita.”

Aiichi smiled more softly. “We both have more than enough memories to share.”

Kokichi sighed and leaned against Aiichi for a moment. “Yeah… It…it’ll be nice hearing everyone else’s too.”

The king nodded, before looking up and giving a wave to the approaching Kaito and Shuuichi. “Good morning, you two!”

Kaito bowed his head respectfully, “Good morning, your grace. Ready for the trip?”

Shuichi, in turn, went to Kokichi and randomly wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a hug. Just cause he felt like it. 

“I am!” Aiichi said brightly, holding the door for Kaito to drop off the rest of the luggage. “It’s not the happiest occasion to be travelling, but it’s all the more important to make it a celebration. Do our friend the proper respect.”

“Are you all set up for the day?”

Taking a breath, Kokichi leaned into Shuuichi’s arms and hugged him back, pressing his face into Shuuichi’s shoulder. “...mm. Good morning again, Shuu-chan. You keepin’ anything with you for the ride over? I brought cards again.”

Kaito tilted his head slightly, confused at the ‘celebration’ remark. He was pretty sure he had heard Kokichi say something similar, at one point. Kaito hadn’t asked about it, assuming he was missing some context, but now he was starting to suspect the funeral was the context. 

He briefly considered asking… but shied away from the prospect of asking what was probably an ignorant question. Not to the king anyway. “Yeah, I’m spending the afternoon with my son over in the courtyard, spend some time playing with him and the dog while Miyako naps under a tree a bit. Then it’s dinner, then teaching the kid a new dessert, and off to bed.” Kaito shrugged, “Heck, I probably won’t even leave the room until you all get back tomorrow, after that. Easy day. Just watching the kids.”

“I’m bringing a book or two, but cards sounds good too. It’ll be nice to have a driver this time. Won’t be all of you trading off every six hours.” Shuichi smiled, hugging him tighter before loosening his grip, standing back, “This’ll be nice, honestly. A little bit of travel, a little bit of fresh air, seeing new things… I’m looking forward to it, if that’s alright to admit.”

Finishing putting the luggage away, Kaito glanced down at his feet just in time to see Maki crawl out from the bottom of the carriage. “...you… good, Maki?”

“Carriage is good. Nothing unusual on top or below it.” Maki informed them, wiping off her clothes before starting to head on, then pausing. Stepping off, going to hug Kaito real quick, and then heading onto the carriage, disappearing inside.

“That sounds like a lovely plan,” Aiichi smiled. “I hope the three of you, and Chase, of course, have a fun, laid-back day. I’m sure Kokichi’s been over the plan with you, but we are projected to return around 10 or 11 tomorrow morning.”

Nodding, Kokichi gave Shuuichi a brighter look. “It definitely is. I don’t think we’ll really do much sight-seeing, but I’m excited to see what Corbra’s like too. It’s alright to be sad, but…yanno, it’s supposed to be happy. I think Keita would’ve been proud to see us gawking at everything in town. Provin’ to the big city folks that small town charm is nothing to scoff at.”

Looking over as Maki remade her appearance, Aiichi just shook his head, smiling as if it was just a fun quirk of Maki’s. She’d said good morning, when they convened together, but then she had gotten right on doing a security check. He’d raised a bit of an eyebrow, but Nazumi had waved him off.

And speaking of the woman, she leaned over from the driver’s bench, giving Kaito a wave before looking at the others. “Mornin’, Kaito, Shuuichi! Y’all got everythin’ ya need?”

Kaito gave her a wave in turn, putting his arms around Miyako a bit as he stepped back, looking everything over, “They have their luggage, sleeping clothes for tonight, change of clothes for tomorrow, hair stuff, teeth stuff, things to keep them occupied, Nazumi has the medicine bag… Nazumi, you still have the medicine bag, right?” Kaito called up to her.

Nazumi gave him a thumbs up. “Got it. Have a thermos of the tea mix made up, plus a few sachets of the dried stuff, for Kokichi’s meds, then all the standard first aid. An’ your customary poison tests that Maki double-checked on. We’re all suited up, when it comes to accidents.”

Looking to the others, Nazumi nodded her head to the carriage entrance. “If there’s nothin’ else, you should make your farewells. We got a good trip in front of us.”

Taking a breath, Kokichi went over to Kaito and pulled him into a hug, keeping a steady hand on Miyako’s back. “...you sure you’re gonna be alright?”

“Yep~” Kaito said brightly, hugging Kokichi back and placing a kiss on the top of his head, “I’m gonna be eagerly awaiting your return, while, just, spreading my legs across the bed as wide as possible. Getting allll of that bed space.”

Grinning cheekily at him, Kaito gave him a kiss properly, before saying softly, “And I’m not going to take my pill tonight, and I’ll sleep cuddling the alarm, so I won’t miss anything with Miyako. Me and the kids are going to be fine, and you guys are gonna have…” Kaito hesitated, “...fuuuun?”

Kokichi chuckled softly before giving Kaito a semi-worried look. “...and you can ask my dad for anything, really. Don’t hesitate, even if it doesn’t really feel like you need help. I caught him before he went to the all-hands meeting this morning; he’s just working on a crochet project, and will just be sitting in our hallway like a weirdo, if you don’t need him for anything.”

Giving Kaito another kiss, he smiled tiredly. “Hopefully, yeah. It’s always hard, but…Keita left a really big legacy, you know? It’ll be good, getting to celebrate it, and the impact he left with all the people he loved and helped. I’m hopin’ to hear a lot of really heated volleyball stories,” Kokichi chuckled. 

Once more, he kissed Kaito’s cheek, before taking a step back towards the carriage. “I love you. And I’ll miss you. And I’ll miss you too, Miss Miya,” Kokichi fixed their daughter with a fond look. “Don’t make too much trouble for Dad, you hear? I might just have to litter your face with kisses when I see you tomorrow, if I hear you threw too many tantrums.”

“Daddy, nooooo~ Not a flurry of kissy-faces~!” Kaito said for her, having Miyako dramatically put the back of her tiny baby hand against her forehead, before giving Kokichi a mockingly grave look, “I appreciate you looking out for me, Kokichi, but that’s a pretty severe warning for our poor, bitty baby.”

He stepped back from Kokichi another step, looking a little sadder, “...aw, it’s only for a night,” Kaito laughed, rolling his eyes at himself, bouncing Miyako a little, “Just get going before I get sentimental on us, sooner you’re gone, the sooner you’re back.”

“Not how it works.” Shuichi called from the carriage.

“I love you, handsome!” Kaito called back in, rolling his eyes.

Kokichi nodded, expression just as grave. “She’s going to run us for all we’re worth, I’m telling you. We need to be firm! Unite! And follow through on the consequences!” With all of the face kisses and gentle cradling in the world. 

Taking a breath, Kokichi nodded. It wasn’t how it worked, but they did need to get on the road. They wouldn’t be late for the ceremony any time soon, but they did need to check in at the inn Aiichi had set up their reservation for, get the carriage and horses situated, and meet up with the Corbran Guardforce to coordinate security. Not things that should really take that long, but would still take time before they could go to the ceremony. 

…still, Kokichi paused, sending over a wave of love to his husband and daughter before starting to turn towards the carriage. “I love you. We’ll be home before you know it.”

Kaito made Miyako wave her little pudgy baby arm, hanging around to watch the carriage settle up and head off. He patted Miyako’s back a bit, watching the horses pull them off, before sighing. “Allllright, Miya, let’s go do… something. Until we pick Timothy up for lunch.”

-

“...Maki,” Shuichi said, raising an eyebrow, looking up from his book after an hour, “We need to find you other things to do with your free time.” 

“Why?” Maki asked from the back of the carriage, her throwing daggers all laid out in front of her, sharpening and cleaning them one by one. 

“It made sense back when you used them all the time. But now I’m just starting to think you don’t have other ways of entertaining yourself when there’s nothing to do.” Shuichi admitted, “I’m certain I saw you clean them last week.”

“I’ve used them since last week.” Maki said stiffly.

“On what?”

“Wood.”

Kokichi and Aiichi both looked up from where Kokichi was teaching his father how to make origami cranes, eyeing Maki’s knives. Finishing creasing the fold he was working on, Kokichi shrugged a little. “Well, wood does dull ‘em. And a weekly cleaning makes sense to me. I mean…” He frowned slightly. “Well, Kai-chan told me that Chako told him that the kitchen knives should only be sharpened every three months, but…I can imagine there are more than a few differences between kitchen knives and throwing daggers, when it comes to use and maintenance.”

“That seems reasonable,” Aiichi nodded. “Have you been using them for throwing practice, Maki?”

“Yes,” Maki said, still idly sharpening her current throwing dagger, “It’s the sort of skill that takes regular practice. And admittedly, weekly sharpening isn’t… necessary. But I find the process soothing. Besides, throwing daggers are made of a different material than kitchen knives. Or, mine are, anyway. You see how it’s almost entirely bla–”

“Obsidian.” Shuichi sighed, “She’s going to try to make you guess, but it’s obsidian. She’s very proud of her obsidian throwing knives.”

Maki frowned… then pouted. Sulking as she went back to sharpening the edges. 

Aiichi made sort of an enlightened sound, nodding, though Kokichi furrowed his brow, looking over in curiosity. “...how do you sharpen them, then? Isn’t obsidian, like…a super, super hard mineral? Kai-chan told me once about some Luminary mining refinement, where the…the cutting tool has to have a super special tip ‘cause some of the ores or metals or gems are way too hard to cut with metal blades.”

Maki looked up at that, smiling lightly, looking briefly, genuinely pleased to have an excuse to explain some more, before she shot Shuichi a smug look, who sighed. Taking one of her daggers, she brought it over to Kokichi and Aiichi, resting on her knees in front of them as she showed them, “So, you see how the coloring goes from silver in the middle, then stark black, that goes to dark silver in the edges? That black material is actually obsidian, casted around a carbon steel. Now, one day, the carbon steeled edges will wear away and snap, and when that happens?”

She pointed towards the middle line, tracing it up to silver lining at the top edge, “A specialist will be able to use this middle part to melt the steel out, and re-mold new edges into the obsidian cast. It’s useful for defense, prevents snappings–”

Shuichi smirked slightly, “And it ‘looks cool’.”

“I’m going to cut him.” Maki muttered, before saying to Kokichi, “I guess I never thought to explain it before, but knowing what it is now, would you like to feel the material yourself? Smooth, styled obsidian is a rare thing to find, among weapons. My mentor passed them down to me when I graduated high school.”

Both Oumas peered over, listening intently to Maki explain her tools. 

“What an ingenious design,” Aiichi hummed, tilting his head around to look at the different sections of the dagger. “Giving the dagger increased structural integrity, and greater defensive capabilities as you say, while not limiting yourself in methods of maintenance…”

“And it does look really cool,” Kokichi laughed. He did cast a moderately wary look to his father, before nodding and reaching towards the knife. “May I? Smooth, styled obsidian is rare period, here. We do have a few volcanoes within our mining jurisdiction, but…it’s not all that common.”

Maki raised an eyebrow– she was handing him the blade hilt first, and it wasn’t like he wasn’t intimately familiar with their weight himself– before remembering, ah, right. Overprotective king who had banned the handling of knives, at some point. Though, Shuichi had explained to her, in detail, how many of the rules of Kokichi’s life were given to him as a child and then never elaborated on again. 

Assuming this was probably one of those, Maki still looked over to the king, giving him a distinctly unimpressed look, “...he’ll be perfectly fine. Unless you’re playing with them, it’s difficult to cut yourself on these just handling them. I can take responsibility for his safety…” then she narrowed her eyes, “Your grace.”

Aiichi raised his eyebrows a little as Kokichi took the dagger, looking the stone over with more of an artistic eye than anything else. “I…believe you? Even if we haven’t standardized qualification between Dicea and Luminary quite yet, you’ve been handling blades for over a decade, no? I trust Ko not to be careless with something sharp, and I trust your expertise.”

After a moment, he narrowed his eyes, looking over at Kokichi, who was still very fascinated with the knife. “...is this about the whole, ‘don’t run with knives’, ‘please stop stealing kitchen knives’ thing?”

Kokichi just shrugged, before handing the dagger back to Maki. “Very cool, Maki-chan.”

Shuichi laughed over in his seat, before hiding his face in the pages of his book. Maki, in turn, took the blade back, giving Kokichi a curious look at that… before her look became significantly drier. “I have to know. When were you running with kitchen knives?”

Coloring slightly, Kokichi looked out the window with a pout. It still was so cool, seeing the fields and hills go by. He wasn’t…exactly delaying, since he could feel his father’s raised eyebrow, and knew Aiichi would tell the story if he didn’t. “You know how I told you I really wanted to learn how to throw knives, so I tried to teach myself?”

And even starting the story, it was for naught as Aiichi just shook his head with a dry look. “He stole three chef knives from the kitchens, then used the retaining wall as targets…and would grab them and run around like a maniac if anyone came near. Thankfully Mr. Izayoi was able to salvage them, but they were pretty horribly chipped by the time someone stopped you.”

Kokichi scooted more towards the window, his pout deepening. 

Aiichi’s gaze became drier. “Because you dropped them down the stairs.”

“Right,” Maki said, gaze starting to heat. A small, warm air forming around her, as Shuichi peeked at her from over his book. “When?”

Kokichi was full-on sulking now. “I was 14. I didn’t tie the knot in the cloth I was carrying them in tight enough and they all fell out.”

The heat eased as Maki blew a piece of hair out of her face, sighing in exasperation. “I swear, if this was going to be a year before we got here, I was going to cut you. Except, I wouldn’t have been able to, so guess which poor bastard was getting a new earring when we got back,” Maki said, getting up and stretching her legs out. “No one that irresponsible should be handling knives, not without proper discipline and training anyway. You would have made me feel incredibly stupid, Kokichi Momota Ouma,” she said, still a little cross at the mere possibility that could have happened. 

Though, crossing her arms– the blade tucked against her arm– she turned to scowl at the king next. “Who on earth was in charge of Kokichi’s discipline, growing up? Cause it certainly didn’t seem to be you and Ikuo was off playing soldier. Was it Head Secretary Hideki? He did a terrible job, what happened? How did you drop the ball so thoroughly, there’s only one of him.”

Kokichi stuck his tongue out a little, though not at Maki, and slumped further in his seat, groaning softly. It was peak dumb kid shit. And embarrassing, just on its own, but…with all the other stuff his friends knew about him too. “I thought it was cool…”

Meanwhile, Aiichi only gave Maki a surprised look. “He…was disciplined for that? As you pointed out, it was dangerous and irresponsible. After that, Kokichi was banned from the kitchen for a month, and was grounded for a week, as well as being conscripted into kitchen budget and inventory for two weeks.”

“You are just…terrible at making that stuff clear,” Kokichi groaned. “I thought you just wanted me to learn how to do inventory, and I thought I was banned from the kitchen for, like, ever. And grounding me was dumb, considering you thought I never left home anyway.”

“You did seem put out about having your library access restricted, though,” Aiichi pointed out. 

Kokichi huffed. “It was so booooring…”

Maki twitched, the heat back, her hair starting to rise in its fumes as she glared at them. “...are you serious!? Augh!” she exclaimed, rubbing at her temples, “It almost feels pointless to yell at you both, because I got here far too late to make any sort of difference. All the children you were in charge of are grown already, and it’s a marvel that they all survived into adulthood!”

“King Aiichi’s not babysitting,” Shuichi reminded her from the other side of the car, still pretending to read his book.

“You are not babysitting!” Maki told Aiichi firmly, “Everyone thinks the way I discipline children is extreme, but at least they know when they’re being disciplined, and what for! And they know the rules! And who’s in charge of them! And who they’re supposed to go to for help when things go wrong! Everytime I ask one of the people raised in the castle who their main mentor was, or their main guardian, everyone mentions Ikuo, who left a decade ago!”

Maki was getting herself worked up, Shuichi could see that. He considered reminding her she was talking to the king, but… honestly, everything he had learned about the Oumas suggested this would be, if not ‘okay’, then not the problem it would have been in Luminary. Not even close. And, honestly, it was things he’d never have the courage to say himself. 

It wasn’t exactly a ‘happy’ conversation, but there was something almost playful about it. Now that Kokichi was an adult, and they had talked out their (mostly Kokichi’s) actual grievances about his upbringing, it was…almost cathartic, being able to talk about incidents in his childhood without any of the stronger associated feelings. However, as Maki pointed out Ikuo’s more prominent role, something saddened came over Aiichi’s face, and Kokichi shrunk more.

At the start, Aiichi had been barely more than a child himself, suddenly with a high-needs infant and a traumatized 12-year-old…and suddenly without a partner by his side. But…that wasn’t an excuse. Even not comparing that Kokichi was in the same situation himself now--or close--as time went on…Aiichi should’ve learned more. Should’ve hired more people on, when he saw how badly he was struggling. 

(...he knew that wasn’t something he would’ve done if he went back, though. After all the people he’d brought in who had hurt Kokichi, Aiichi just…couldn’t trust anyone else to help out with his son.)

“You’re not wrong,” Aiichi said softly, his voice gentle and even, despite the guilt and sadness in his eyes. “I was firmly of the belief of the mode of ‘a village raising a child’...but Kokichi, and to lesser extents Lake and Waku, are, and were my responsibilities. I should not have assumed others were also doing their part to look after them, and should’ve over-compensated at the worst.”

“Dad…”

Aiichi shook his head softly, but did not verbally cut Kokichi off until he was sure his son had stopped speaking. “There is no excuse for it. My follies have hurt you three, and that is not something I can take back--you will not be children again. They are regrets I have to carry, and pains that stick with you. I can only hope to support you better now, though it doesn’t make up for it.”

Maki scowled a bit… but the heat lessened, as she scoffed. “...well, at least you’re good at resource management. I’m still grateful for everything you did for my siblings. And despite literally everything, all three of the children you were responsible for did make it to adulthood, and only came out a little collectively annoying. Kaito’s smitten with Waku, anyway, and he likes your son well enough.”

“Maybe just a bit.” Shuichi smirked. 

“But, ugh, I remember us carving pumpkins and I’m just there watching Kokichi like a hawk, wondering if this was going to start some big fight,” Maki scowled, shaking her head as she went to sit on Kokichi’s other side, huffing, not clarifying but scowling, “Basements, Kokichi. Have me running around thinking I’m breaking laws cause I want to hand you a pumpkin carving knife. You’re the most frustrating kid I’ve ever had to teach.”

Kokichi shrugged a bit, sitting back up in his seat. “I thought so too. I was terrified to touch any of the supplies, before Kai-chan asked me to take over. Without Aiichi being more clear, it was prime stuff for my paranoia to grab ahold of.”

Going back to his slightly lopsided paper bird, Aiichi narrowed his eyes a little before giving Maki and Shuuichi a wary smile. “I apologize if I’m overstepping…but you two do realize that just…words I say aren’t laws, right?”

Both Shuichi and Maki gave Aiichi a look that could be best described as… dubious.

Maki, then, looked over at Shuichi, a questioning look on her face. Shuichi, realizing she was checking to make certain she hadn’t misunderstood, verified, “...are they… well, they are still the informal start of an ordinance, yes? Until someone can write it in a decree? Good as laws.”

Kokichi sighed softly, but…hopefully not loud enough to embarrass his friends. 

Aiichi, on the other hand, just gave the Luminary-Diceans a gentle look. “No. I do have an expedited path to proposing laws, and I am on the board that can declare a state of national emergency, but I cannot just…decide on laws. Anything that becomes a law must be decided on by a national or county vote by popular, unambiguous majority, depending on the matter. The only thing that is actionably decided by my whim is the hiring criteria for castle staff members, and any castle additions…as long as I’m lawfully abiding by equal hiring laws, and zoning laws, and safety and engineering laws.”

Kokichi nodded gently. “Other than the two things he said? Nothing in Dicea is lawfully decided by one person.”

Maki frowned, and Shuichi smiled… and Maki gave Shuichi a dry look at that. “You don’t even try to hide it these days.”

Shuichi gave Maki a lazy, pleased look. “It’s just… very funny. Come on, what’s the harm? I won’t say it in front of Kaito, but I can’t be a little smug in front of you all?”

Giving Aiichi an amused look, Shuichi said softly, “I apologize, I’m being unkind. I had a difficult relationship with the late Queen Sayaka. I tend to get a bit mean spirited when I’m reminded that she sent her son to a kingdom she so thoroughly misunderstood. She prided herself on being shrewd and clever, so… it tends to make me laugh a little.”

“She did always seem utterly baffled, when her intuition was off,” Aiichi said softly, before he shook his head. “There’s no offense taken, though…I get the impression that I’m not the person who would.”

Kokichi sighed a bit, but…well, he supposed it was okay, if Kaito wasn’t there. Shuuichi could be allowed to express his anger too. “But…seriously. You guys even voted…and I’ve told you for months that the monarch doesn’t have uncontested, sole power here. Is…it really that much of a surprise still?”

“I’ll admit, I more thought that was ‘restraint’ rather than ‘inability’,” Shuichi confessed, while Maki seemed to be contemplating something. 

“I suppose that explains why your military was so informal,” Maki mused, tilting her head a little, “I imagine it’s difficult to maintain one, unified military with each area acting independently of each other, with their own internalized chain of command. Not that the informalness hurt your defenses at all. I imagine at the very least your symbolic leaderism was able to guide towards generalized goals and at least some semblance of implied military law. How you all would handle prisoners, surrender, civilians on both sides of the border. Though, it’d be more suggestions than law.”

“We had a similar issue with our fighters in the civil war,” Maki said, giving Aiichi a knowing look, “I imagine in some ways our situation was simpler, though, most of our heavy fighting was in small areas we could keep orders and communications coming and going from. But as far as overall goals, it was largely based on rumors and reputation, Kaede putting out statements, hoping everyone who needed to hear it would hear it, interpret it correctly, and make decisions that would, theoretically, align with those goals. A chaotic way of fighting, but we won our war too… the famine being an unexpected resource, admittedly.”

Maki blinked… before laughing lightly. A small, bell-like sound, before giving Aiichi an amused look. “You almost ruined my plan, and saved my life at the same time, I found out later. Did you know that? I’m fairly certain the only reason Makoto Naegi didn’t get desperate and just have me killed was because he knew you had those reserves. I didn’t find out about that until after everything was settled. I bet the war on the idea that the farms were the last available food source for the capital, and there you were, in Dicea, with just… food ready to go. If anyone had heard about it…” Maki sighed, shrugging as she leaned back, “Life is bizarre, sometimes.”

Aiichi nodded, aging years in a single sigh. “Mikaku was invaluable, for the leadership of our forces. We could inspire people to fight, could wrangle resources to fight, but…martial theory was never something I studied, and not something widely common in schools across Dicea. Most of our population had never been alive during wartime, and it’s not something our nation prepares for. Not to mention that quite a few people, which might seem contradictory to you, given their general adherence to the law, would be described as having a ‘problem with authority.’”

“As you might imagine, and were able to see from the early days, trusting all battle-adjacent procedures but direct execution to personal discretion was careless and foolish and cruel.”

Kokichi closed his eyes, the shame of a town burned to the ground something all Diceans shared. 

Looking a bit sheepish at Maki’s amusement towards the Diceans’ contributions to the Luminary civil war, Aiichi offered her a small grin. “That it is. During wartime we had secretly established a food pipeline with the Kuzuryuu clan--the trade restrictions against Luminary were necessary, but knowing the market and production in Luminary…no one on the war council could conscionably leave Luminary without the aid they’d been getting from Dicea for decades. It was relatively simple, on a mechanical level, to continue that aid for the revolution.”

There, though, his grin faded and something…heavy came behind his golden eyes. Fixing Maki with a sort of horrible understanding. “...the leverage of starvation is a great one. I do not envy the opportunity you took.” Even if she had been an advocate of a solution that solved a war in months, rather than years. Aiichi had seen the Luminary-Dicean war for far, far longer than it should’ve gone…but he hadn’t been able to vie for a win based on a nation’s starvation.

“It’s alright. You can call me a monster. I am,” Maki said simply. A calmness over her that was near blankness, as now Shuichi suddenly looked more serious. Closing his book before, silently, getting up to go fetch her. Maki blinked, seeing him reach out to take her arm, before smiling lightly at him. “Ah, Shuichi’s worried.”

She gave him a reassuring look, obligingly standing up and following him to the other side of the carriage, sitting with him. Shuichi gave her a concerned look, put his arm around hers… before, settled, he opened up his book again. “Dr. Mariah recommended this, Shuichi or Kaito or Kokichi sitting me down somewhere and keeping a hand on me when I talk about the war. We figured out it worked during one of my personal therapy sessions with her,” Maki explained, knowing Kokichi would know, but now that she was settling suddenly a little embarrassed that the king had seen that, “I apologize for the strangeness. The war was… difficult. I sometimes need my friends to be a grounding presence. I have a habit of assuming I’m more powerful or influential than I actually am, and Shuichi doing something like this is a reminder that I’m just a person.”

“I’m the one who sent the message, but I couldn’t, and didn’t, do it or decide it by myself,” Maki said, shaking her head, “If anyone had truly wanted to stop me, they could have. It wasn’t me alone.”

“That’s right,” Shuichi said, “Because you couldn’t.”

Maki nodded, her expression clearing up. Looking more genuinely calm as she repeated, “Because I couldn’t.”

Kokichi gave Maki a soft look, while Aiichi was confused for a moment, before it gave way to something more apologetic. “Ah, then I apologize for talking in singularities. Sometimes I find it easier to get points across, speaking as if decisions came from just a handful of people representing each point of view, but…you are correct. There are always so many more players at hand.”

“...but I still would not call you a monster, nor would I claim anyone who agreed to using the leverage of the famine, or simply allowed that to be the statement would be either,” Aiichi said gently, just giving Kokichi a small nod at his son’s worried look. “I believe the term to be insufficient as it is, but…war doesn’t leave anyone “innocent”. Threatening starvation is horrific, yes, and it’s something I could not bring myself to consider, in a similar situation. However…”

He sighed. Speaking aloud the comparison this time. “The Luminary revolution managed to decisively end the war within a few months, not just sparing any number of theoretical lives that would be lost as an inevitable cost of war, but also leading to an end of rampant exploitation. Dicea did not use food as ransom, or simply waited for the food situation to worsen…however, the war lasted fifteen years, losing thousands of lives on both sides, and exposing everyone else to the trauma of war.”

“Of course, these things can be weighed, and it is the reason we make any decisions at all…” Aiichi’s eyes narrowed slightly, a complicated expression crossing over his face. “...however, there is no…objectively “correct” decision. Simply what we chose. And as parts of leadership…we must stand behind those decisions, and look ahead to deal with the consequences of those decisions.”

Maki nodded at that, agreeing. “I could kill myself, thinking of endless ‘what if’ scenarios. What if I had given it more time. What if I had listened and followed through on other plans. What if I had been willing to personally sacrifice more–”

“You couldn’t have followed Kaede’s original plan, it was impossible,” Shuichi reminded her, still reading. Trying not to embarrass her into refusing his help by looking too bothered by it, an air of indifference to him as he continued to read.

Maki blinked… before nodding again. “Right. It wasn’t all on me. Wars are large, complicated things, and I was doing my best. I couldn’t have finished it on my own, even if I was willing to sacrifice my life, risk my siblings, the exchange students, or Kaito’s sanity. I couldn’t do it.”

“But, that said…” Maki sighed, looking tired, “I do stand behind what I… we did. It was brutal, and the quickest possible route in front of me, and while it ended the war quickly, the famine–”

“Wasn’t your fault,” Shuichi reminded her, “You just took advantage.”

“... the famine happened, and people were hurt while we had the farms. And I can’t quantify how many people were hurt in the inbetween, and there was talk that if we released the harvest perhaps the people would have been grateful enough to us to rally behind us against Byakuya… but I couldn’t bring myself to–”

“Your group,” Shuichi reminded her.

“...my group couldn’t bring themselves to trust in that. Not when we had something that would work. And… and like you said,” Maki told the king, “There’s no objectively correct decision. We did the best we could, with what we had…”

Maki smirked a little. “And we’re very lucky that Luminary apparently never learned how to fight a disorganized military effort. It must be hard, because they never managed it. That is apparently the way to go.”

…Kokichi looked to the side. 

He…wasn’t sure if Maki would eventually remember that conversation. He had offered to show Maki that conversation, so she could understand the conviction the memory version of her had, but it just…had never been a good time, when they discussed visits. It was her own memory, her own decision, so she did deserve to know…

…but Kokichi wasn’t sure if Maki would ever be able to forgive herself if she knew. For even just proposing they take advantage of the famine, she struggled with just that. To know that she had actually been the cause, on a cosmic level…

He didn’t know what to do. What was right. If…Maki would forgive him for keeping it from her. 

…maybe he should ask Dr. Mariah…

Aiichi nodded with the things Maki said, able to empathize in an awful way. But he did manage to smirk back. “Apparently, against an enemy that has all the practical expertise and theoretical prowess, being unpredictable was the path forward. I have spoken to a few folks who came from the Luminary side of things, and apparently for most it ended up just being an embarrassment, seeing how disorganized things were on our side.”

“We assumed there was some sort of shadow organization going on in the background, when we first got here,” Maki said plainly, as Shuichi sighed. Shuichi looking genuinely embarrassed as he lowered his cap a little, Maki explaining further, “Like a secret government, with a secret police force and secret operatives… that theory pretty quickly fell apart, the longer we lived here, but it was something we actually discussed and looked into.”

“Luminary has some…” Shuichi paused, trying to think of how to word it, “...’informal laws’ that our guardforce and the royal family can use to make people disappear without paperwork. Some people call those actions a ‘secret police’, and while that’s not entirely accurate, underground policy creation and enforcement isn’t an unknown concept to us. We weren’t sure how you could create an entire government and military operation out of that same sort of system, but it made more sense to us at the time than those systems simply not existing at all.”

Kokichi nodded tiredly, while Aiichi just raised an eyebrow before huffing a small, amused breath. “I suppose I can see that, when comparing the two climates of our nations. Considering Dicea, over the years, has been specifically restructured to avoid a ‘shadow government’ situation, and while our government is quite strict in some ways, is directly mirroring most Luminous policy? It’s understandable how “unsaid rules” becomes more plausible that understanding exactly how everything is different, both in law and in practice.”

Kokichi’s gaze went…far away, as he turned to the window. It wasn’t quite as if he was flooded with memories but…

…things had changed in Dicea a lot, over the years. Where they were now was just the product of all that time and all those changes. It…it had been a lot of work…

“Yes, that… took us a while to figure out,” Shuichi said, his face still a little colored as he adjusted the brim of his hat, “We got there eventually, but your son had to be very, very patient with us for quite some time about it.”

Maki, in turn, spotted Kokichi’s gaze go distant… and assuming something about this had become depressing, suggested, “We understand it all better now, and I guess we’ll understand it more a year from now as well, if we’re still learning new things. But, that said… this is a long drive, still. We have another hour and a half, maybe? Why don’t we try to get a card game in?”

Kokichi glanced over, giving Shuuichi a small smile before he nodded. “Sure, I’ll get my deck out. What do you wanna play?”

-

As predicted, they arrived in Corbra around ten in the morning, not having run into any snags on the road. For coming in on such a high-traffic day, they managed to maneuver to the town carriage depot easily, a few folks in high-visibility vests directing the crowd-flow. 

Corbra wasn’t a tiny village or anything, but it was very much still a town, as compared to Usott, and yet the people walking or riding around rivaled a particularly busy day in the central market. Kokichi peeked out of the carriage window in curiosity, taking in both the hustle of people, but also all the new buildings… Not drastically different from Usott, apart from not having any building as tall as the castle but…definitely more older buildings, the roofs steeper, walls partitioned in particular ways…

Aiichi hummed softly behind him. “Been quite a while since I’ve been here… Doesn’t look like it’s changed much, though.”

Shuichi and Maki were both watching the people outside, making small little comments at each other over the things they observed, most of it… mildly mocking. “You think he’s hiding something in that hat?” Shuichi asked, pointing to a man wearing a tall, pipe-like formal hat, with interesting little stripes circling it up.

“He’s hiding his dignity,” Maki decided, Shuichi’s lips quirking up at that, before she said, “Or a very thin, foot-long crossbow. One that can retract.”

“Brilliant,” Shuichi whispered, “Do you want a hat like that?”

“Only if I can shoot you with the crossbolt.” 

Kokichi huffed a little laugh, but he was still glued to the window. Other than the people directing traffic? It looked like the whole town was in formalwear. And…that made sense. These were the people who had elected Keita year after year--the people he looked after. Even for people not as invested in politics…there was no way no one didn’t know who he was. Hadn’t had their lives touched by him. 

There were a good proportion of people who’d had Keita as their town rep on and off their entire lives. 

The carriage stopped, and there was a little rap on the door--the specific rhythm Nazumi and Kokichi had agreed on to signal to each other--before his bodyguard opened the door, giving them a grin. “Managed to get pretty close to Santos. Think we can carry everything ourselves, or should we get a trolley?”

Taking a look to where their bags were stored, even if the door was still shut, Aiichi hummed consideringly. “I believe I’d be able to help you with your suitcase, Shuuichi, and that’s the biggest piece we have with us… Does anyone have other concerns?”

“I can get that, your grace,” Maki said, her priorities a little skewed. Yelling at the king that he was a bad father was right up her alley, as someone who had invested a lot into many children. But having him carry luggage? No, obviously not.

Shuichi, in turn, was perfectly content with letting someone else carry luggage that really he could manage himself, giving Maki a small, grateful look before nodding to Aiichi. “We can handle ourselves, thank you. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to assist.”

“We’re going to the hotel first, right? Dropping everything off?” Maki asked, though she directed the question to Kokichi. Technically it was up to Aiichi, for a multitude of reasons, but Maki and Shuichi were used to looking to Kokichi, when it came to navigating Dicea stuff. 

“As you wish,” Aiichi nodded, at least helping to get everything out of storage. A change from Kokichi having to borrow Kaito’s luggage for their last big trip (even if this wasn’t exactly big), Kokichi and Aiichi both had what were essentially large backpacks, so they both had free hands to help others. Though, with Maki helping with Shuuichi’s luggage…there wasn’t really much more to carry. 

Maki and Shuuichi might’ve looked to Kokichi, and Aiichi might’ve been the person to set everything up, but it was Nazumi who hummed in assent, starting to lead the way--at least for a few steps--with her own pack on her back, and the medical bag slung over her shoulder. “You got it! These fine folks,” she nodded to a few people who looked to be stablehands, “Are gonna park the carriage and tack the girls so the next folks can get in, but we’re headed right over there.”

She pointed down the street, indeed not far at all from a more modern-looking building with a sign proclaiming “Santos Inn”. “We’ll check in, drop off, change if ya gotta, then we’re meetin’ with the captain of Corbra’s guardforce, Captain Sa-”

“Sawamura,” Aiichi hummed along with her, nodding as he took more of a lead to let Nazumi properly watch over them. “We can’t exactly meet with the whole guardforce, since they’re already managing security, but we’re going to touch base with Captain Sawamura, and he’s going to spread word among the force.”

Daichi had also mentioned potentially assigning a trainee specifically to the royal party’s security, but…they’d see when they got there.

“Santos…” Shuichi frowned. “Why does that name sound familiar? Is that a historical figure?”

“I don’t know,” Maki shrugged… before her eyes narrowed, “Oh, no, wait, I do know this. Doesn’t Kaito have that chain he’s so proud of, he used to love to talk about it. The one Queen Sayaka gave him? Wasn’t that gold called Santos gold?”

Shuichi gave her a curious look at that, before recognition filled his eyes. “Oh, right… I mean, that’s why I recognize the name, anyway, it can’t be the same person. Unless Santos gold comes from Dicea? …”

Maki and Shuichi both looked at Kokichi. Giving him an expectant look… before Maki just plainly said, “Know any random trivia on this?”

Kokichi laughed softly, giving his friends a shrug…though the effect was dampened slightly with the weight of his backpack not giving him much movement. “Not anything mind-blowing. I’m not really sure where Santos, or any of their associates came from, but…yanno, like ya’d know, they were gold merchants, back in the day. The inn name could be, like, a lineage reference…or it could just be marketing, associating their business with something known for luxury.”

Aiichi nodded a bit. “If it is not describing actual gold? Then there’s not a fraud case to be had. By this point, Santos is on the same level as a legendary figure, so it’s well within a business’ rights to use the name for marketing.”

“But!” he hummed with a smile, “I have heard wonderful reviews for the inn, and they were kind enough to accommodate us for extra amenities, considering every hotel in Corbra is booked out this week.”

It wasn’t the biggest hotel, but there had been a clear effort to make something nice out of the small space, Shuichi opening the door for the others– as he was the only person not holding a bag– and Maki looking around appreciatively through the lobby. She loved all of the mirrors on the ceiling. It was clearly meant to be some sort of mosaic design using colorful reflections, but all she saw was easy, easy access to being able to see the entire room in an instant, no matter where she looked. So aesthetically useful.

Shuichi, in turn, went to Kokichi’s side as Nazumi went to go check them in, taking his hand and giving him a small smile, “I know we’re here for a sad reason, but I just realized how much I’m looking forward to just walking around this town with you, tomorrow morning. It’s probably as close to a dating trip you and I will get for a while, with our little Miyako keeping us home.”

Kokichi huffed a small laugh, pressing against Shuuichi’s side. “You do realize if we mentioned wanting to do something like this, Kai-chan would shoo us out the door in a heartbeat, right? Even if it’s already weird, not having him here…” Kokichi could practically hear the phantom excitement…

…in fact…

He sent a little nudge, nothing too intrusive, before sending his view of the hotel lobby to Kaito. He’d probably get a kick out of the mirrored ceiling. 

“But…yeah. We probably shouldn’t linger too long…but maybe we could ask around for a neat breakfast spot, and do a little sightseeing. See if we can find any neat books for you to make use of the suitcase you brought.”

Kokichi hesitated. They had talked about it before, but… He glanced over sheepishly. “...I know you were never super religious…but there are going to be religious ceremonies during the festival. Is…that gonna be okay?”

“Of course,” Shuichi shrugged, looking entirely undisturbed about it, “For me, religion has always just been ‘what’s around’. Finding out there’s a ton of religions and that so many of them are equally valid only makes me feel more right, about how I always felt about it. I worship Atua because I was raised around it. If I had been raised around a different religion, I’d be that religion. And apparently either way I wouldn’t have been wrong to do it. My flexibility and apathy is apparently a very rational way to look at it.” Shuichi smiled, looking mildly smug… before admitting, “From a certain point of view.”

“And he would, wouldn’t he.” Shuichi smiled, as someone showed them the way to their rooms. “You know, I’d be up to taking him up on it, someday. I’d love the opportunity to spend more one and one time. I’d like to spend some one on one time with him too… I love it when all of us are together, but it can be nice to focus my attention on you too,” he admitted, squeezing Kokichi’s hand gently. 

“Sure, which is why I’m here,” Maki said from behind them.

“Ask out the lady at the dojo and I can be your third wheel sometimes, Maki.”

“Sh-shut up!”

…he wondered if he was supposed to worship the goddess of wisdom now. Roxy. Kaito worshipped Atua, after all, and Temp Bathul. But the way Dr. Mariah had phrased it before, a god having faith in him…

These days…Kokichi respected some gods. But anything more than that just…didn’t feel right. Maybe that was his answer right there. 

Hiking up his pack as they headed down one of the side hallways, glancing at some of the artwork as they passed, Kokichi smiled and squeezed Shuuichi’s hand back. “It is a different vibe, when we go out as duos, huh. The two of us really don’t do it enough…we should change that. I know it’s not exactly the kind of days off Dr. Mariah suggested for me, but spending time with you is something I absolutely wanna fill my freetime with.”

Getting to the room, it was comfortably spacious, while still mostly occupying two 2-person beds and a couch that looked like it could collapse down into a futon, as well as a little “breakfast bar” sort of area and a detached sink and mirror, separate from the bathroom, which had its own sink as well. Kokichi wasn’t really sure what hotel rooms looked like, other than the one they had stayed in while the castle vents were cleaned, and the lodge in the mountains, but…it really looked like something. 

Scurrying over to claim one of the beds--and to set down his pack--Kokichi gave Maki a soft smile. “You’ve gone back since the first class you taught, right? Have you seen her since?”

“A few times,” Maki said, shrugging as she put down her and Shuichi’s luggage, looking over the couch knowingly before turning back to him, “She’s at the dojo a lot–”

“Which suddenly Maki’s finding all sorts of motivation to visit regularly–”

“Because I realized I liked the workout equipment they have there,” Maki huffed, crossing her arms as she pouted, “Going to teach that class just reminded me it’s a good resource I should take advantage of, that’s all. I barely know that girl.”

“You just know that she has a lovely speckle of freckles across her nose–”

“Shuichi,” Maki growled warningly.

“-- under these bright mauve eyes, ah, ah!” Shuichi went to hide behind Kokichi, scrunching himself down as Maki, glaring at him, had lifted up his luggage over her head threateningly, “We’re against the rules! You can’t throw that!”

“Rules were made to be broken,” Maki said grimly, clearly contemplating it.

Aiichi and Nazumi set down their luggage, looking over the arrangements the kids had assumed, before they shrugged at each other, deciding to figure it out more when it was time to sleep. Nazumi headed over to check the latches on the window, while Aiichi snorted a bit at the situation the kids were suddenly in. 

“Perhaps,” he started, putting a light hand against the front of Shuuichi’s suitcase, “But you still have to pay the price for breaking them. And I would like to avoid paying property damages when we check out tomorrow.”

Sighing, Kokichi shook his head a little, and let himself stand as Shuuichi’s shield. “...you did say her tattoos were cool, though. Do you think you’d ever get one, Maki-chan?” Maybe designed by someone obviously very skilled, whose work Maki already admired. 

“Now that I’m allowed? I think so,” Maki said, giving Shuichi a warning look, before letting the king push her luggage down. Placing it down, she went to go check the security of the windows as well, as she continued, “I’ve always wanted a face tattoo–”

“No,” Shuichi said, rolling his eyes as he sat down on the bed Kokichi had picked. 

“--and a full sleeve. But that’s always just been an idle fantasy,” Maki admitted, frowning at the lack of reinforcement in the window framing. This would be an easy lock to break… but, impossible to do silently. So, ah well. At least they’d have a warning. “I’m not sure what would actually be on it.”

“Well, for the arm tattoos that wouldn’t be entirely insane for you to do… what about a tattoo expressing all the accomplishments you’ve made,” Shuichi suggested, “That’s what the yakuza clans do. Get tattoos that are metaphors for deeds they’ve done.”

“...sounds like a bummer,” Maki admitted, “I miss Kaito, he would have suggested a naked woman pinup by now.”

Kaito definitely would’ve…but for as much as Kokichi hadn’t been teasing quite as much, he still looked over at Maki with an overly innocent look. “Maybe you could get a dragon sleeve? You’ve already kinda seen a proof of concept, right? I can’t get ‘em, but I always thought the idea of matching tattoos was really sweet.”

“She has a draaaagon tattooooo~” Shuichi cooed, smirking, “She must think they’re cool~”

“I will throw you out the window, Shuichi.”

“We’re on the first floor.”

“That makes it a really valid threat, doesn’t it?”

“Kokichi, I need you to protect me from the ex-assassin, she might throw me out a window,” Shuichi realized warily. 

Kokichi put his arms around Shuuichi, before pouting a bit at Maki. “I’m sorry, Maki-chan. If you want to pursue a relationship or not, it’s all your decision, and we’re simply happy to see you living a happy, fulfilled life. Please don’t throw my fiance out a window.”

…he had been about to finish that, ‘on the day of my friend’s funeral’... But as much as Keita might’ve gotten a kick out of that, it just…Kokichi couldn’t bring himself to say it. Again, a slight distant gloom settled over Kokichi’s eyes before he sighed. 

“...I mostly am ready, but I wanna touch up a little before we head out. And use the bathroom.”

Maybe noting the heaviness suddenly on him, Shuichi and Maki stopped playing around with each other, abandoning the play-fight as they gave him their own versions of understanding looks, Maki cooling into a professional stance, while Shuichi gave him a soft look. “Of course. Take your time, Kokichi, we’re ready when you are.”

-

Kaito was bouncing Miyako on his knee, taking a break as Timothy played fetch with Chase around the courtyard, murmuring, “And little baby Miya, world renowned explorer of the cosmos, prepares on her spaceship. She puts up the sails, set off the rockets, and everything went brrrrrrrrrr–” 

Miyako giggled as his knee started to vibrate, her whole body starting to shake.

“And little astro-baby Miya went lift…” Kaito paused, blinking in confusion… before smiling fondly, “Daddy says hi, Miyaaaa~ they got to their hotel. It’s got lots of pretty mirrors. Do you like pretty mirrors, Miya? Do you think the stars might be that? Big ol’ mirrors, hanging in space? …well, you’d be wrong. See, they’re actually–”

-

It was definitely more formal than his usual garb, but Kokichi didn’t really mind the set of regalia he’d prepared for the funeral. He was wearing a thin dark grey vest over a white button down that he’d rolled the sleeves up on, and while it was subtle, the fabric of the vest had a black flower print embossed onto it. His trousers were short, and cinched in just below his knees, and rather than wearing high socks like he would traditionally for this sort of style, he left his calves bare. Around his neck, he wore a long black kerchief, tied with a cylindrical cinch to leave two long tails down his front. He’d brushed his hair back, smoothing it down into a black bar clip. 

He’d already been wearing most of it on the ride north, but put all together, and stepping out of the hotel…

Kokichi took a breath. It was okay. 

They met up with Captain Sawamura, a serious-looking built guy that nonetheless had a kind air about him, and discussed security for the funeral and for the royal party in particular. Considering the influx of people, all the guards were wearing their pins on white sashes to be easily identifiable, and…

Well, considering such high profile guests, Captain Sawamura had introduced Guard Donner, a freshfaced blond that…absolutely couldn’t be more than a year out of college, if that, to keep an extra eye on the Ouma party. The other guards would know they were there, of course, but…just a little extra eye. 

Kokichi valiantly hadn’t laughed at the absolutely unimpressed look on Maki’s face. 

But then…they were headed towards the funeral venue, the already large gathering of people a short walk out of town a dead giveaway. There was a vast spread of food, as one could expect from most Dicean events, but also an area filled with pictures of, one could assume, Keita Rivers, surrounded by slips of writing, which were constantly being added. There was seating, a small display of flowers and…

Away from the crowd, a raised wooden platform, far up in the sky. 

Maki and Shuichi were both wearing darker, formal clothes. Most everything Shuichi owned fit the bill, though he had worn one of his nicer blazers. Maki, in turn, was wearing a dark red and black dress, and was, in turn, constantly scanning the crowd, absolutely ‘on’ right now… though, admittedly, the guards were doing a half-decent job at keeping an eye out for things. Half-decent anyway. Ugh, if that guard at the back right corner didn’t stop flirting with that civilian– “Huh?” she said absentmindedly, trying to glare daggers into the back of that guard’s head, as Shuichi called to her again, “What?”

“Any guesses what all that’s about?” Shuichi asked her quietly, trying to be respectful as Kokichi talked to someone, nodding to the platform.

“Oh…” Maki looked at the platform, frowning, “...seems like a pretty decent vantage point for a crossbolt shot. Difficult exit strategy though.”

“Sure, but as a non-assassination opinion?”

“.....maybe it’s… a diving podium?” Maki tried.

Shuichi hummed, trying to analyze that idea, “Okay, sure. So there’s a body of water over there?”

…Maki stood up on her tippy toes, “...not that I can see?”

“Oh,” Shuichi said, “Maybe it’s like at the festival, where people confess secrets up there?”

“At a funeral?”

“Could be a tradition… oh god, I hope they're not going to shout Keita’s secrets from up there…”

There was something to be said about making security easier, sticking together as a group…but. Well. Nazumi was keeping a dedicated eye on Kokichi, who was at least staying relatively close to Shuuichi and Maki, who were looking out for each other, sooooo~ And not to mention they had a local guard looking out! 

So…pretty much as soon as they got there, Aiichi split off as people realized the leader of Dicea had arrived, trying to give everyone some time without creating any traffic concerns. At the moment, he was embracing a man, maybe in his mid-twenties, that had the same long set to his jaw as the (typically) older man in all the pictures. 

It maybe wasn’t as immediate, but Kokichi soon collected a small crowd too, people wanting to talk to the heir apparent, most for the first time. And…slowly excited smiles relaxed into fond ones, as already they started to share stories of Keita’s life. 

And while Wyatt Donner was working--his first event!--well…paying attention to the king meant he picked up other conversations too, yanno! From behind the prince’s fiance and…other party member? Wyatt raised an eyebrow. 

“Uhh, it’s a sepulture platform? We’re sending Keita’s body back to Frieg.”

Maki and Shuichi both looked briefly startled to be addressed by the kid, before both relaxing. Shuichi giving Maki an amused look as she huffed, whispering to her, “Be nice…”

“I’m always nice,” Maki said to him, before giving Donner a curious look, “I see, a sepulture platform. I’m afraid we’re not familiar with the term, nor with Frieg. What’s the process?”

Wyatt widened his narrow golden eyes in surprise before returning his gaze towards the king. “It’s a sky burial,” he shrugged, though didn’t leave it at that. “Like instead of cremation? Old Man Rivers’ body is going to rest on the platform, given back up to Frieg’s--the sun’s--embrace to return his energy to the universe. Like…birds and natural decomposition are gonna return his body to the natural cycle too.”

The kid smiled, at peace. “The creators are lucky, getting someone like Old Man Rivers back. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to boot Jankin or The Ram out of their jobs--people always said he did more work for us than the gods.”

Both Maki and Shuichi looked back at the platform with new eyes. Maki tilting her head slightly and Shuichi adjusting the brim of his hat up to get a better look at it. A quiet over them both.

“...hm,” Shuichi finally hummed, not wanting to say anything overtly rude about the practice, but some of the sound clearly more than a little off-put. Clearly trying to wrap his head around that.

Maki, in turn, just straight up asked, “So, are there corpses up there already?”

“This town's relationship with birds must be interesting,” Shuichi murmured to himself, idly reaching into his pocket to take out his journal. 

“Probably!” Wyatt chirped, shifting a bit to get a better view of Aiichi, when someone stepped in front of the king. “And birds are special, you know? Of course The Ram made all of us, but everyone knows he favors birds. Most art has him with chickens, but…yeah, all birds. Just as an important part of the circle of life as mushrooms and bacteria.”

Belatedly, the guard hummed, giving Shuuichi and Maki a glance. “Oh, the royal family isn’t religious, are they. So this really all is new. Have you two even heard of Solus?”

There was something about the way the question was asked that made Maki this time lean into Shuichi and go, “Be nice…”

“Of course I’m nice,” Shuichi huffed back to her, turning back to the boy– they had no idea how old he was, he just got collectively younger-looking to them every moment– as he smiled pleasantly. “No, I’m afraid not. Solus?”

(Of course he wasn’t that oblivious to their prickliness. Wyatt knew he wasn’t the sharpest crayon in the box, but he’d still qualified for all the guardforce tests, and after now six years of friendship with Victor, he knew what explosive grouches looked like. 

He just didn’t care. Push past the thorns, and they tended to be really cool people underneath.)

“Solus is one of the major religions around here,” Wyatt started to explain, his eyes darting over as he saw some quick movement by the prince…but it just turned out to be an overzealous hug that his personal guard was already taking care of. “One of the major ones in Dicea as a whole, I thought, though…there are a lot of them.”

Shrugging, he continued, “You might hear some of this during the service? But basically there was just the void, before from a single tree and some dirt the five creators made the world, and eventually everything in it. Four of the creators focused more on the earthly world, while Frieg looked back to the heavens and took care of the cosmic stuff. They’re the keeper of energy too, so when people die, we’re returned back to the sun to begin the cycle again.”

“If you can during your stay, go check out the statues in the church garden,” Wyatt gave them a quick wink. “They’re really neat depictions of the creators.”

“Huh.” Shuichi said, wondering how much of that would end up being true. Or, at least ‘true enough’. Like Kaito had rambled, the afterlife was as incomprehensibly big as life itself, so dismissing anything out of hand was a little foolishly naive. There was just something about his total confidence in his religion that made Shuichi want to poke at it. Take small little digs and deconstruct it, compare it to others just to show how fundamentally unspecial it was, and how foolish he was to care about it as if it were something actually ‘sacred’, rather than one fantastical story among literal thousands…

But he could practically see Kaito’s crestfallen look at just the impulse, and so Shuichi swallowed the impulse down and said, “Ah, I see. So, the air decomposition process is meant to be symbolic towards returning to the sun, then?”

“I just still need to know how many people are up there,” Maki admitted, looking back up to the platform. “I have a bunch of practical questions that don’t really need answering, but…bones take a long time to decompose. Are there just a bunch of bones piled up there? Do you periodically remove the bone and do something else with them? Perhaps after a while the bones simply become another layer of the floor…”

“Yup! People used to be really anal about how land burial or cremation was really disrespectful, like trapping a person on earth? But…it’s just a different sort of cycle that way, isn’t it. Still…they also say that if the birds come, then you lived a good life, and it’s like the gods accepting you. I dunno much about logistics, but it’s a nice idea. A bit of closure before the cycle starts again.”

Raising an eyebrow at Maki, Wyatt laughed awkwardly. “Uh…I couldn’t really tell you. But what bones are left after the birds take their share are taken down. Whatever remnants that the soul didn’t need, casting off the last of themselves…something like that. Most folks know not to walk under the platform anyway, but it’d be pretty hazardous if all the bones were left up there.”

Eyes widening for a moment, before focusing in, Wyatt murmured a soft, “Excuse me,” before hustling over to King Aiichi, heading over to hopefully calm down the rather…jerkily moving individual close to the king.

“Wow, I hope there are no gaps between the wood.” Shuichi realized, looking over at the platform again. Though, his curiosity over the funeral’s religion was abated a bit, as he and Maki watched Wyatt suddenly head out. “Maki?”

“Hm?” Maki asked.

Shuichi looked surprised at that. Normally just prompting Maki by calling her name would put her in ‘hard-charge’ mode, but Maki seemed pretty relaxed as she watched the guardsman head off. “Is there no danger?”

“There’s always danger,” Maki said, “Did you want me to follow him?”

Shuichi suddenly looked uncomfortable. “...I guess I was expecting you to, yes.”

“Do you want me to?”

“...” Shuichi gave King Aiichi an uncomfortable look, before glancing over at Kokichi. “...what is wrong with me, that I want to say yes?”

“We have severe trust issues and you think if I don’t go and something happens, it’ll be partially your fault because everyone’s been pressuring me to stop trying to interfere in every potentially dangerous situation, resulting in something happening,” Maki answered plainly, still watching the guard.

Shuichi sighed, adjusting the brim of his hat to shadow over his eyes a little. “Were we like this back in Luminary?”

“Yes,” Maki said simply. Both of them tensely watching the scene in front of them, Maki not moving.

Kokichi’s eyes were a little wet already, but there was a certain lack of tension in his shoulders as he walked back over to Shuuichi and Maki, getting a break in the people who had come over to talk with him. He really liked it! As he always did. And it was even better, getting to learn more about Keita from people who’d seen him everyday, and from more of a community standpoint, rather than for occasions of business maybe once a year. 

But he was still glad for the break. 

Though, seeing his friends’ gaze fixed on something…

With a sunny grin--but eyes that never lost their sharp focus--Wyatt had created a little space between the individual and Aiichi, placing himself in between them, before, just to intently watching eyes, he made a small hand gesture, and another guard came over, soon escorting the individual to the side. 

Kokichi watched, glancing back to his friends. “Something happen?”

“No,” Maki said, turning to Kokichi now that it was apparently taken care of, “Someone had too much of something, the guards just went to make certain it wouldn’t be an incident. How are you doing?”

Shuichi, letting out a small, relieved breath, also gave Kokichi his attention, smiling softly. “Been getting a few stories of Keita?”

Kokichi hummed in understanding--it was a pretty normal occurrence--before he let out a small breath with a smile, blinking a few times to make sure he wasn’t about to just start crying again. “Yeah. People have been asking me about Miya, and that inevitably shifted to talking about all the youth programs that Keita was a huge advocate for. He hadn’t been coaching the high school volleyball teams for a while, but…apparently even recently he was still giving pointers when the kids in youth groups would set up a game in the rec center.”

He laughed softly, before gently taking Shuuichi’s hand. “A lot of Keita’s old students are here too. Some of ‘em that went pro. I hope you’re ready for a lot of volleyball anecdotes when the service starts.”

Shuichi sighed a little, squeezing Kokichi’s hand. “Ah, yes. Sports. Sportball. The ball doing sports thi–”

“Don’t be a brat, Shuichi,” Maki said, though the jab was good natured. “You like watching people play sports plenty when you actually let yourself, and you enjoy playing it too when you can actually compete.”

“Remind me when that ever is?” Shuichi pouted a little. 

“When you’re on a team with me and Kaito.” She smirked, looking over to the platform again. “Kokichi, are you familiar with these sky burial practices? Do they do these in the capital somewhere too? I know they have the cemetery and the memorial ash garden. Do you all have a platform somewhere too?”

Kokichi smiled, happy with the squeeze, and he leaned against Shuuichi’s arm a bit. “You seemed like you were having a lot of fun in that snowball fight we had last winter. Shuu-chan’s competitive streak isn’t surprising, but it is very strong. Hmm… Maybe the four of us should set up a game of something before the fall chill sets in.” They did play games with the kids a lot, but…it was a different sort of competitiveness, when your opponent wasn’t 10. 

Following Maki’s gaze to the platform, Kokichi hummed in recognition. “Oh, yeah. I mean…I’m generally aware, at least. The sepulture platforms in Usott are out of the main city, though, due to toxic waste regulations. I think they’re on the Ailell family property, technically, but it’s reserved for Solus burial rites.”

“A bit out of the way compared to where the church is, but…” Kokichi shrugged. Just a fact of life. “Decomposing bodies are toxic. Can’t have them hanging out in the middle of a city.”

“I suppose it’s lucky for everyone that Kaito’s okay with cremation,” Shuichi mused, still looking at the platform. It was hard to turn away from it, once you knew what was up there. “I haven’t heard of a crypt system in Dicea, and I have a feeling its practices wouldn’t mix well with your culture. We’d have probably ended up having to send back his body to Luminary, if he was really hung up on it.”

“You say that so matter of factly, like we’re sorting out his body now,” Maki said, something amused in her tone, “What do you think you’ll have done with your body, Shuichi? Burial?”

Shuichi shrugged. “I don’t suppose I really care what happens to it. Probably just cremate it since that seems to be the main method in the capital. You?”

Maki hummed, looking at the platform. “...I suppose I always thought my body would just decompose wherever it was left. I’m not sure if I’d want it done on purpose, like how they do it here, but I guess deep down I always thought I’d be eaten by the local wildlife as well. Maybe I’d set it up just to say I was right, in the end.”

“I can’t tell if you’re being morbid or sincere.”

“I’m not sure either,” Maki responded honestly.

Kokichi sighed softly, idly sending some gentle love to Kaito. “Yeah… I know there’s at least one set of catacombs out west, in the mountains, and…honestly, that’s probably some Luminous culture that the people there adopted. But if we’d had to transport his body anyway…he might just’ve preferred to be put to rest in his homeland.”

He didn’t think he was particularly fussed about it, but…Kokichi always thought there was something nice about having your ashes scattered somewhere special. Giving new life, resting in a place you had nice memories. It all seemed…more insignificant compared to what happened spiritually after death, but…it was still something to consider. 

…would it mean anything if his remains were still near Kaito’s and Shuuichi’s, when it was time for his soul to leave them?

Another sigh. “...we were talking about it a bit ago, but…we really should set up all our wills. Ideally, they won’t be used for a long, long time, but…it really sucks, if there isn’t a plan already set up when someone passes…”

Kokichi’s eyes lingered on an old woman constantly crowded by people across the way. “The last thing you wanna think about in grief is heavy logistics.”

“We still have to declare godparents for Miyako,” Shuichi said, suddenly looking tired.

“Timothy too,” Maki added, tucking her hair behind her ear as she sighed, “Need to ensure inheritance…”

“I know, I know, we need to talk about that. Thankfully Kaito doesn’t have any land to discuss over,” Shuichi said, giving Maki a small, tired smile, “Or any noteworthy inheritance, really. No playing favorites among the kids with nothing major to pass on anyway.”

“I wish Kaede would just get pregnant already, for your sake,” Maki admitted, “It’s mind boggling to me that she hasn’t yet. Theor’s born by now, that’s two kids ready to be next in line if anything happens to her. She needs to establish her lineage already.”

“Perhaps she’s simply struggling biologically?” Shuichi said, also looking uncomfortable at this, “We have phones now. I wonder if we could have Miyako renounce her claim over the phone…”

“Weren’t you all considering Nazumi and Lake, for Miyako’s godparents?” Maki asked, looking over to the bodyguard in question, who was patrolling the crowd, “Have you decided to pull the trigger on that yet?”

“I think Kaito’s gotten past his discomfort with Nazumi’s history by now. He seems more at ease around her lately,” Shuichi mused, “What do you think, Kokichi? Should we ask them soon?”

Kokichi nodded a bit. They had their personal accounts, which…honestly Kokichi would be fine dividing equally between Tim and Miya, and then their personal effects. There were a few things Kokichi would probably leave to the castle, but…mostly, the kids could do as they wished with them. Even if he would be returning to the castle one day, it wasn’t like his things would be…his. 

…there were crates in the basement that had the personal items of past leaders. Kokichi had told Maki about them. He wondered…

Tuning back in to hear about the more complicated issue of Luminary’s inheritance, Kokichi could only huff softly. Yeah…things would be easier for them if Kaede had an heir, but… If she even laid a hand on Shin he’d blow a gasket. 

In that sense, he was happy to hear no pregnancy announcements from across the border. 

Ultimately, though, that wasn’t anything they had a hand in, so…better to focus on what they did. Nodding again, Kokichi smiled softly. “I think so. I really think they’d be honored, but…that is the sort of thing they should be able to make an informed choice about.”

“...it might be wise of us to ask without Kaito present,” Shuichi admitted, looking a little guilty even as he said it, “Not without his knowledge, just… he really struggled with Nazumi’s history in particular. I think he’s okay, but I’d hate for him to work himself up and mispeak, insulting them. I think the last thing we’d want is him asking in a panic if he thought they could ‘handle it’.”

“Give him more credit than that,” Maki said, shooting Shuichi a slightly reproachful look, “He wouldn’t entrust Miyako to them if he still had doubts by the time you all asked… also, I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m probably just going to announce you two as Timothy’s god-parents. If something were to happen to Kaito and I both, but you two were still okay? It’d be a tragedy to have him separate from you and Miyako, just because I assumed we’d all die in a blaze together, somehow.”

“...oh, I guess this is me asking you if you’ll be his godparents,” she realized, not looking that nonplussed about it. It basically a sure thing in her mind.

Kokichi frowned at Shuuichi, though not aggressively, but Maki summed it up well. “I mean, if he didn’t want to be there when we asked, that’d be a different thing, but…it’s important. And something that Kai-chan cares a lot about. I don’t think I would be comfortable entrusting Miyako to them if Kai-chan felt so rough that he didn’t even want to be there to ask. And…if he gets confrontational?” Kokichi shrugged a little. “I mean, they know how we are. If they can’t handle that, then I wouldn’t trust them to care for our daughter.”

As for the trust given to him, though…

Kokichi grinned, something soft and honored in his eyes. “Absolutely. I can guide you through putting it in writing when we get home, if you want.”

Maki nodded. “Please, that’d be helpful. I know Kaito and I were discussing contacting the general that was going to adopt him, but… it’s selfish. But I don’t want to do it,” she admitted, not looking guilty, but something quietly self-aware in her expression as she shrugged, “Timothy’s 10, he doesn’t need to be put in a position where he has to decide which of his mentors he’s more emotionally obligated to, between two different countries. I’m claiming him, I’m doing my best, and I’ll take responsibility if that was the wrong choice, in the long run. And I don’t know this general, or know of him, and I don’t know what he’d do, if he thought re-claiming Timothy was potentially an option. Frankly, I just don’t care about him. Timothy is my kid.”

“It really is just how the dice have fallen,” Shuichi said, giving Maki a sympathetic look, “In a real way, Timothy is very lucky, that he had a family waiting for him either way. But he ended up with us, and that’s just how it is now. And I think you and Kaito are doing admirably. Besides, separating Timothy from Haneda and the girls would also be cruel, by this point, he loves them.”

It was still a phrase of acceptance, but when people talked about how that was just how the cookie crumbled, it was in the face of something bad, or just not what they wanted. But the life Timothy had fallen into…it was confusing and frightening at times, but…in all of the paths that wouldn’t lead to his execution? There were people that wanted him, and wanted to give him a good life. 

The fact that he ended up with them was far from a bad outcome. 

Nodding with Shuuichi’s words, Kokichi smiled softly. “I heard from guard-gossip that he and Haneda had a very touching hugging session before she headed out on her vacation. It’s hard to remember that a year ago he was running at the sight of her.”

There was a call from the front of the crowd, someone in segmented robes getting attention, and people started moseying over to the seats. It looked like the ceremony was about to begin.

“Sounds like our cue,” Maki said, “Lead the way, Ouma.”

Following Kokichi, they went to where their seats had been established, settling down as people quietly murmured to each other. Shuichi noticed some birds overhead and, while it really was just a normal amount of birds for a sunny, busy day like this, he couldn’t help but find their presence disquieting in this context. Like they were preparing for a feast. He supposed, in a detached way, he could see the beauty in the idea… but in truth he rather hoped Maki wasn’t going to get attached to this concept. He wasn’t sure if he’d be personally able to do it, leaving her somewhere to be eaten.

Back in Luminary, Shuichi had always expected to be buried somewhere. You had to have a certain level of wealth or influence to land in a crypt, so for everyone else a cemetery was expected. The only difference between the cemetery Temp owned and the ones Shuichi would be familiar with being that here, they buried their dead in soil, and back in Luminary, their cemeteries were established in the desert sands. They had a lot of land that wasn’t useful for anything in particular, beyond the storing of the dead. 

He hadn’t minded the idea. The cemeteries were well kept and beautiful, in their own way, and like the crypts, you could be expected to be buried at least partially in stone. There was still the decomposition process among the sand and desert landscape, creatures getting in to do what came natural, but that was true even for the crypts, and everyone knew that. There was no true indefinite preservation of a body. Just versions of it that some people found more acceptable than others. Crypt decomposition took longer than burial, and was considered the more dignified way to be buried, but nature took them all, eventually.

Shuichi supposed now, if he went back, as someone with a title and land– land he’d never see, but land that technically belonged to him, somewhere, gifted by the Momota family– he’d find himself in a crypt as well, his name and title engraved in his ‘door’... but if he had to choose, he still found himself more comfortable with the idea of a poorer burial. He had been sincere, when he said he’d be cremated for convenience’s sake, but desert burial had been what he had been raised with, and in his heart he’d always consider that the ‘proper’ way to be buried.

If Maki had died, he and Kaito, at the very least, would have buried something symbolic. Once they were sure she really wasn’t coming back.

He was glad they had never had to.

They took their seats--Aiichi gently squeezing Kokichi’s shoulder as their group reconvened--and the person in robes, probably a Solus monk, started to speak. Today they were gathered to celebrate the life of Keita Rivers, and to see him off on his journey back to Queen Frieg, our Father the Sun. One of the truest scholars of Jankin’s teachings, and cared for others just as much as The Ram. A guiding hand akin to The Bear, and one of the brightest examples of Erem’s passion. We were lucky to know him while he was here, and the creators were lucky to get him back. 

In all, the more religious side of the ceremony was relatively short, before the young man Aiichi had talked to before stepped up in front of the crowd, taking a breath. 

“Thank you all for coming today. It’s no secret gramps touched a lot of people, and he’d be happy to see everyone here…even if he’d gripe about all the work being left undone, while we’re out here havin’ a pity party for some geezer.” A fond laugh ran through the crowd, and the man smiled softly before continuing. 

“Yeah, the old man could never leave well enough alone…which was why he was voted Corbra’s representative eight times. Even when he wasn’t even on the damn ballot, you just couldn’t help writing his name in, huh? And he’d gripe and complain, especially about getting to enjoy retirement, even if he was helping Nan in the store, but…he always went back. Couldn’t leave the people waiting.”

“But we all knew gramps as more than just town rep. Whether you had ‘em as Wheatwood High’s demon coach, or you stopped into Riverfront, or even just knew that loud guy around town…he was someone to everyone.” Taking another breath, the man adjusted the hairband keeping his hair back. “For me, for, uh, those that don’t know, I’m Crowe, Keita’s grandson. So you could say I knew him more than most.”

“Gramps was always kickin’ my ass, tellin’ me to make somethin’ of myself. Real feels like shit, when ya got cousin Wren graduating at 16,” he nodded to one of the nearer clusters of chairs, the whole collection of people there varied, but more than a few sharing that long jaw-line, or lidded eyes, or tanned skin tone, “Or Aunt Whitney getting published in Crown and Key.”

Crowe laughed softly, sending a more sheepish look in front of him. “Uh, sorry Ma, but…yeah, all that feels awful when Gramps caught me smoking behind the bleachers in high school. But…he never told anyone, before I’m sayin’ it now, and that’s not what he meant.”

“Gramps always believed that everyone had something to contribute to the world, something that only they could do. It might not be the most unique action, but it was still theirs. And he hated people wasting that gift, just…going through the motions. And, yanno? Sometimes that does warrant an ass-kickin’, to finally wake you up.”

Crowe had to pause there for a moment, before drawing himself up again, his voice unstable for a moment. “So…yeah. Keita could be a curmudgeonly jerk with way too many stubborn opinions…but, dammit, I love ya, old man. And thanks for showin’ me that even my brand of curmudgeonly jerk can have a change of heart too. I’m happy you were my grandpa.”

With a nod, he started to walk back to his seat, as people started to applaud. 

Shuichi and Maki, following the crowd, clapped too, though it was a little disquieting to hear applause at a funeral. Neither of them had ever attended a funeral with this level of production before– the deaths in their lives, as Indentureds, usually resulted in small, informal gatherings, with the actual funeral happening elsewhere– but their experiences with death were usually strictly quiet things. So quiet you could hear a pin drop, at least for a time. Sitting in silence until, eventually, you were ready to speak in small, hushed whispers.

But there was an energy here, and Shuichi could understand why the word ‘celebration’ had been used. People talked among each other, as the grandson walked off back to his family, not in hushed whispers but in normal, jovial tones. Commenting on his speech, adding in their own little contributions to their neighbors, discussing what they wanted to say and to whom. 

It was a strange energy, and while they had been content to make conversation back and forth before the funeral had felt like it had officially started, Shuichi and Maki sat in silence now, trying to be respectful. Though, they clapped as well, still trying to be respectful, walking that fine line between true respect and blind stubbornness. Not risking overstepping, but trying not to show potential judgment towards the grievers by not doing their best to follow everyone else's cues. 

One at a time, after Crowe, more and more people went up. Some people were more emotional than others, though all of them were clearly making an effort to put on a brave face, as they passed along their stories. As Kokichi had warned, there were quite a few volleyball related stories, many of his apparent wards volleyball players. But those stories always seemed to really be about the fact that he had been there for them. Patient with them. Ready to help when they had needed him. One student had brought a trophy up with him to show to the crowd– a motion that had made Shuichi duck his eyes under his hat a little on instinct and made Maki’s lips thin– but the story he told, about how ‘Old Man Rivers’ had helped him believe he could get it when he himself had been so full of doubt, had been full of sincerity, his eyes cloudy with tears by the time he was done. The practices different, but not bad. 

Family went up, telling more domestic stories: a baby crow that he had helped a niece raise. A life philosophy that he had shared with a cousin that had left an impact. A moment of sitting in the sun that had made a little girl, happy to share a story, feel at peace in a lazy afternoon with him. Citizens he had helped went up, discussing how he had gone above and beyond for them, how grateful they had been, more than a few mentioning off hand how the creators were lucky to have him returned, a few saying how he had done more than the gods themselves. 

Shuichi and Maki remained quiet, waiting patiently and listening to the stories. Leaving behind the impression of a man full of life.

While he had been trying before, Kokichi didn’t bother stemming his tears as people went in front of the crowd to share their stories of Keita. Even as he laughed and smiled and felt his heart warm, he dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief, just to keep from dripping all over himself. Even hearing the story once, Kokichi sniffled hearing his father recount the mentor Keita had been to him, when he had to step up as leader. 

Keita Rivers had been a lot of things to a lot of people, but always such a vibrant, positive force. Those were the kinds of stories people would want to tell at a funeral, of course, but…just because there was a skew, out of respect, didn’t mean all those stories weren’t true. Keita was a beloved person, and his life had been meaningful. 

Not all of the people who went up to speak were pre-planned speeches, or even people who had intended to come up, but while stories would inevitably continue, the “scheduled” part of the funeral came to an end. People were encouraged to enjoy the food, and listen to music, and considering the crowd, when someone suggested setting up a volleyball game there was an uproar of approval. 

Still, Kokichi, for the moment, stayed at his seat with his family, smiling softly at Shuuichi and Maki with teary eyes. “...thank you guys for coming with me.”

Shuichi let out a little breath when the formal part of the ceremony was over, allowing the need for silence to leave him now that Kokichi had spoken directly to him. “Of course,” he said softly, looking at the stream of tears still wet on his fiance’s face. He knew Kokichi had his own, but Shuichi’s was dry as he took out a small black and white hankerchief, dabbing it gently against Kokichi’s cheeks before offering him to hold onto it for now. “It was a beautiful ceremony.”

“I imagine if they’re setting up a volleyball game, that might be it for the moment, but is there a second part we need to prepare for?” Maki asked, “In Luminary, you have the viewing on the slab and then the actual sealing itself later, which tends to be for a smaller, personal group. However, I can’t assume the platform would require that sort of limitation of audience.”

Kokichi smiled and nodded a little, letting Shuuichi dry his cheeks and…well, he was holding onto two handkerchiefs now. It was a beautiful ceremony. He was crying, but…some of that cloud of grief that had persisted around him since he’d gotten the letter was dissipating now. Knowing that even if it was sad to lose someone he had known and admired…he wasn’t alone in that. And Keita had been so accomplished in life that…it felt nice, to focus on all of that and just…be grateful. 

Taking a small breath, Kokichi shook his head to Maki’s question. “Not really. I don’t know a ton about Solus, but…I think they bring the body to the platform at dawn, so it’s probably already on the platform. Tends to be a private thing, yeah, for safety and…yanno. Even for religious reasons, you can’t just have a corpse hanging out in public.”

“For now it’s just…mingling, and a more personal show of community. I’d like to stay for a bit longer, try to talk to Riley since we’ve met before, when she’s not all swarmed with people, but… I mean, my dad’s prolly gonna be here until they start shooing people away to pack things up, but we can leave earlier. Maybe see the town a bit, if you want.”

“Don’t make a decision based on us, we’re here to escort you,” Shuichi said, reaching out and pulling him into a gentle hug, giving him a chaste, quick kiss on the cheek, “We’ll stay for as long as you’d like, and go when you’re ready.”

“I’ll talk a bit with Nazumi, see if later when you do go walking around, we can’t give you two some illusion of privacy,” Maki said, “Or, she can, anyway. Shuichi was just saying earlier how he wants to do a date thing with you–”

“Tomorrow, Maki, not today,” Shuichi said, giving her a look that was equally grateful and somewhat exasperated. “I was kidding about that ‘third wheel’ comment. We didn’t invite you for security, just because Kaito would feel better about it. I wanted your company, you’re not intruding… right?” Shuichi said. Poking Kokichi meaningfully.

Kokichi gave his friends a small, grateful smile, and he nuzzled into Shuuichi’s hug. Either way, he probably didn’t want to stay as long as Aiichi would be, but…it was nice not feeling rushed. He kind of wanted to watch a bit of the volleyball games too. 

And while his friends were there to escort him, it didn’t mean their feelings weren’t a factor here. 

Nodding decisively, Kokichi hummed a few short notes. “Of course. While I am grateful for you watching our backs, that’s not why Maki-chan is here! If it was, I’d be pretty pissed about no one paying you. You’re here because you’re our friend and family and things are made better experienced with Maki-chan included.”

“...Nazumi-chan will probably be a little closer than her usual illusion of privacy, though,” Kokichi hummed, looking over to where his aunt was walking around nearby, keeping an eye on them and anyone from the crowd coming closer. “Since we’re not used to Corbra and all. But that doesn’t mean we still can’t explore a bit.”

“Well, if I’m really not in the way…” Maki also poked Kokichi, smirking a little as she nodded towards the volleyball game, “Would it be incredibly rude of us to go show up a bunch of grieving volleyball players?”

“Maki, a lot of those are pros.”

“So?”

Shuichi sighed.

-

Miyako had, at some point later in that afternoon, finally noticed something was missing. 

The problem wasn’t that Food Smell and Soft Heat weren’t necessarily in the room. That happened plenty, the three bigs weren’t always there all at that same time. It wasn’t that Dragon hadn’t come by in a bit to play with her hair a little that day either, that was nice but also inconsistent. 

It was that, idly, when she had done a scan for them in her little baby version of ‘feeling out’, she had felt them sure, but…

…why were they so far away!?

“Wh-eh-eh–hic, hic, hic,” Miyako weepily hiccuped, not quite wailing, but shimmering, confused eyes looking up at Big Heat for some time now, the baby so deeply offended by their distance. What had happened? Big Heat?? Red?? Fix it! “Eeeheh–eeeeee hic-hic-hic.”

“Oh, Miyaaaaa~ no, everything’s okay,” Kaito murmured to her softly, pacing back and forth in the room as he bounced her a little, taking a small break from trying to get her to accept her bottle. He couldn’t know for certain why Miyako was upset, but he felt like he had a pretty decent guess, as this was usually around the time Kokichi or Shuichi would be feeding her, and Kaito’s brain had been ringing with bells ever since he had tried to start feeding time. She was not pleased by this break from the routine. “Everything’s okay, baby-love, it’s okay. They’ll be back tomorrow~ Miyaaaaa~ Miyaaaaakooooo~”

Honestly, he felt lucky that she hadn’t started wailing yet. Miya could work herself up into a frenzy sometimes, and when that happened, it was almost impossible to calm her down. You could only wait it out. But as he rested her against his chest, patting her little diaper bum and bouncing her gently, he hummed a little tune, interjecting it with small soft assurances of her name in that small, lilting way Kaito liked to say it.

Still okay, so far… poor baby… “I know, I know… it’s scary, when our loved ones leave us. I know. But they’re all thinking of us, I promise you. I feel Daddy every now and again, and I know you must too. Daddy loves you so much, Miyako, he’d…” Kaito’s jaw clicked, but he swallowed it down and continued, “He’ll come back. Dada too, Dada loves you so much and I bet right about now he’s thinking about how his Miyako must be getting full and sleepy and happy. And you know Aunt Maki loves you so much, she always has you in mind, and she’s probably wondering about big brother too. They’re gonna be so happy to come home tomorrow. They’re just gone for a moment, sweetbun. And they’re thinking of you all the time.”

Miyako did not seem appeased by this. Her bottom lip trembling, eyes wide and wet. People liked to tell Kaito she looked like him, and in some ways he could see it, but man, when she cried, all he could see were his husband and fiance in her gaze. Oh Miya… “I know, kid.” Kaito sighed, taking the bottle and going to sit by the window, trying to feed her again. “I know. That’s not always enough. But I’m here, and Dad’s not going anywhere. I promise. I swear it. And for right now, that’s gonna be enough, little love…”

He said that, but just in case it would work, hoping maybe he’d just get lucky, Kaito tried feeling very hard, that Miyako could use some soothing by Daddy. If he happened to be checking in right about now…

-

Maybe it was just coincidence, or maybe Kokichi was still more attuned to his family than he realized. After eating a little, and getting a chat with Riley Rivers, and a few others of the Rivers family, and watching Maki keep up with the pros, Kokichi decided to check in on the rest of their family, before they headed out into town. 

And…oh…

Linking his arm with Shuuichi, Kokichi hummed something indistinctly before his gaze became a little unfocused. Still aware enough where they were, but not paying full attention. 

{Oh my little sweetbun, it’s been too long, hasn’t it?}

{Hungry!} she complained back, the weepy pout in her intent, {Come feed!}

{I’m sorry, Mi-Mi, but Dada and I are too far away right now. You’d get even more hungry by the time we make it back. Is Dad there? You love being fed by him, since he’s all comfy and warm. And I bet Grampy’s been checking in on you all day, right?}

The next intent back was a little less word for word coherent, as she sent back a frustrated, {Soft hands, reassuring smell of nectar, golden eyes, light singing voice, cold hands, purple hair that wasn’t long enough anymore, little spins, playtime, do you wanna go upside down.}

And just the general bafflement of why she couldn’t have what she wanted, immediately, which was them.

But, as she had this ‘conversation’ with Kokichi, her expression pinched in reality, and her crying eased a bit. Miyako’s expression going distant as Kaito tried feeding her the bottle again, and almost like she was too distracted to protest this time, she took it. Suckling determinedly while she demanded an explanation from Daddy.

Kokichi sighed softly, squishing his cheek into Shuuichi’s shoulder. {I’m sorry, it’s not very fair, is it. One of Daddy’s friends is…even farther away right now, and it made a lot of people very sad. But…when Mi-Mi is sad, it gets better when dads and Aunty are close, right? So Dada, Aunty, and Daddy are meeting with friends, to make the sad better. I’m sorry that it’s so far from you.}

{We’ll be back after it gets all dark, and you get some sleep, I promise. And I’ll sing to you all you want. But for now Dad and Grampy are close by for you.}

{...do you wanna see what Daddy’s doing right now?}

Miyako didn’t entirely understand all of that, but as usual, there was something gradually reassuring in just her father’s ‘words’ filling her head. Small little glimpses and nuggets that made sense to her infant mind, but mostly just reassuring because it was him. She understood Dad and Grampy being Big Heat and Flower Smell, and yes, they were nearby and that was okay. And she… vaguely understood the concept of ‘other’ being sad, though that was harder to wrap her head around. She understood dark, though the general passage of time as a concept she still struggled with.

But through his intent, she knew when she was being offered a sort of playtime. Seeing something new from Daddy. And she had generally warm feelings about that– which were not hurt at all by her hunger easing as she distractedly ate– as she generally said back, {Show!}

Sometimes Kokichi struggled to communicate with Miyako, which he felt a bit spoiled feeling, since he was the only one who really could communicate with her right now. But even being able to convey exactly what he meant, she just…didn’t have a frame of reference for most things. He did try to distill things down, but even in his thoughts he could be a bit “wordy”. 

But he tried his best, and…most of the time, that seemed to be good enough. 

Smiling, Kokichi looked over to one of the games still going on, far enough away that the sounds wouldn’t be too startling to Miya, and he…well, in a parlance and concept they wouldn’t get, livestreamed what he was seeing to his daughter. Hoping she would enjoy seeing the movement and lively competition as much as he did.

Kaito sighed as Miyako’s eyes widened, suckling more excitedly against her bottle, which was rapidly emptying. Shuichi’s hard work, paying off as Miyako filled up. He couldn’t know for certain if his husband was helping him out, but considering how she had seemed to calm down out of nowhere, he was willing to bet it was a good guess. 

“Thanks, ‘Kichi…” Kaito murmured, pulling the bottle out when she started suckling at air, Miyako’s mouth still forming like she had something to suckle on as he went to burp her against his shoulder. “There, there, Miya… someone’s excited, huh?” He chuckled, feeling Miyako’s whole body flop against him, like she was trying to kick out. A little ‘weh!’ sound that she made when she was engaged in something. “No throw up? You sure, sweetbun? Come on… ah.” Kaito sighed. “There it is. That’s a good girl. Let’s get you changed.”

As Kaito changed her diaper, he glanced at the sun. Not quite ready to set, but getting to that time of day when they were leaning closer to the end of day then the middle. He was sure Ikuo would be by sooner or later, the man had been checking in on Kaito pretty regularly. Though he had been happy to see him, he hadn’t let Ikuo actually give him a break yet. Watching the kids being, well… just something he knew he needed right now.

But next time Ikuo came by, Kaito would ask him to watch Miya while he went to take a walk. Get some fresh air. Miyako was a treasure, but even when she was sleeping Kaito found it difficult to relax around her, always checking in and ready to go, if she needed anything. He needed a breather. 

With a last wave of love, and a reassurance that they would be back after the dark, Kokichi straightened, blinking a few times before he turned to Shuuichi and Maki. “...alright. We have everything we came with? Any last minute snacks you wanted to grab?”

And in a lower voice, he sheepishly smiled. “So, Miya noticed we’re not around.”

“Oh,” Shuichi said, face falling, as at the same time Maki said, “Aw.”

“That’s sweet though,” Maki said, as Shuichi just pouted, “I’ll be honest, in my most cynical state, I’d say kids are too self-focused to notice stuff like that, so long as they’re getting their needs met. It’s nice, if she noticed you were gone and missed you. Nice, and surprising, she is only, what… 3, 4 months now?”

“A little shy of four,” Shuichi said, giving Kokichi a mildly worried look, “Is everything alright?”

“She was upset, but not in full tantrum mode,” Kokichi said quietly, stroking a hand down Shuuichi’s arm. He didn’t really need the extra guidance of hanging onto his fiance anymore, but…he liked it. “And it seemed like Kai-chan was feeding her. She was just getting pouty that neither of us were feeding her, and she was upset that we weren’t gonna show up immediately. I tried to explain what we’re doing, and that we’ll be back in the morning…but I think she was happier seeing the volleyball game.”

“A girl after my own heart,” Maki smiled, “She and I will have plenty in common.”

“Oh god, not another jock,” Shuichi grumbled, nudging himself slightly into Kokichi’s side as he sighed, “Well, she’ll be okay for the night. I don’t envy Kaito having to handle a grumpy Miyako though, hopefully she’ll forget all about us soon. And, yes, I think we have everything we came with. Are you ready to head out then?”

Kokichi shook his head with a soft laugh. “I promised I’d sing to her all she wanted when we get back, so even if she doesn’t remember, I’ll still hold myself accountable for that. Poor baby.”

Looking over and giving a slight wave to Nazumi, Kokichi nodded. “Let’s! I have…no idea where anything is, or what we should do, so…let’s wander?”

“Let’s go wandering~” Shuichi agreed.

-

“...okay, but there are a lot of birds here, right?” Shuichi asked after a while, sipping at some tea as the four of them– Nazumi included– wandered through the unfamiliar market. 

The town was different, in that, at least in this part of it, they had determinedly hung up strings and strings of lanterns, all throughout the pathways and across the stores. Soft, orange and red glows emitting from little paper balls, the strings connecting them too small and loose for the birds to settle on, as they settled on rooftops instead. The pathway below was also cobbled differently, little round octagons in a variety of shades, giving the ground a colorful, orange feel. Shuichi got the impression that whoever had designed the town’s aesthetic loved the colors of sunset and fall, as everything he looked at here gave him that soft impression of trees changing colors on breezy days.

And a lot of birds.

“I think you’re just noticing the birds too much because of what we learned,” Maki said, a peaceful expression on her face as they walked down the pleasant pathway, “I don’t really think there’s any more than average.”

Kokichi really loved the aesthetic of the district they were in. It reminded him of how the city decorated for Harvest, or Hanami, but just…built into the city, in terms of the road, or just year-round…perhaps. He didn’t know if the lanterns were for a special occasion or not. But it was such a colorful, comfortable feeling…

(Unless they were from another country, the only nationality people these days recognized was “Dicean”. Sure, it had been centuries, but…all the different cultures of the nation-states had just been…spread out and flattened. Some things just considered “traditional” with no further exploration than that. 

Corbra was still farther south, than they would’ve been, but the lanterns…were distinctly northern. From what used to be.)

“I mean…I do notice them,” Kokichi hummed softly, eyes following some crows shuffling across a rooftop. “Buildings are different here too, so…birds are in different places than I’ve gotten a blind eye to. So maybe we’re noticing them more that way too?”

He snorted softly. “I wonder what Kai-chan’ll say, hearing that the trip we took without him was to the bird town.”

“He’d probably be glad he missed out on the birds that literally eat people,” Maki smirked, giving the birds an amused look, “Shuichi is only off-put by them. Kaito would be trying to physically shield you from them, Kokichi.”

“He’s itty-bitty, one of them might fly away with him!” Shuichi tried, lowering his voice way too dramatically, his eyes wide and face exaggeratedly stressed.

“Really?” Maki asked, raising an eyebrow at Shuichi. “What was that?”

“What? I was imitating Kaito.”

“Terrible. He’s more like this,” Maki said, furrowing her brow and seemingly swelling up her neck.

“No way, that’s even worse than mine. His voice isn’t that deep.”

“I was going to say the same thing about yours.”

“I’m Kaito Momota, Luminary Prince of the Stars!” 

“You’re even further off now.”

“You try it.”

“I already did a good job the first time.” Maki huffed, crossing her arms and looking away.

Kokichi shrugged a little, perhaps surprisingly okay with carnivorous and omnivorous birds. “I mean…almost everything in nature will eat you if things play out that way. It can get kinda freaky to think about, but that’s just nature.” Learning that even animals like rabbits and chickens would turn cannibalistic was a…formative moment. 

Laughing a bit at his friends’ impressions, Kokichi pressed to Shuuichi’s arm. “You got his vocab and syntax down, at least. You know, he’s given me tips on impressions before, but I really can’t get his voice down. Unless someone already talks like their nose is plugged, I’m doomed to a faint facsimile.”

“Still…” With a sly grin, Kokichi glanced to Maki before narrowing his eyes a little, giving the birds an almost haughty, appraising look. The quality was still far and away, but Maki’s pitch was a little easier for him to achieve than Kaito’s. “I wonder how easy it is to train an attack bird…”

It took Shuichi a brief second to realize what Kokichi was doing… before he laughed. Covering his hand a little as he looked away, giggling into it.

“What?” Maki frowned, “I don’t get it. What was funny about that?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing.” Shuichi laughed, giving Kokichi an endlessly amused look. “Not bad, really.”

Maki gave Shuichi and Kokichi increasingly suspicious looks… before pouting a little. Knowing she had missed something, but not sure what. Huffing a little, she glanced at the birds, before explaining, “Actually, crows can be trained into being ‘attack’ birds, but it takes quite a bit of work, and they’re not particularly suited for it. Even the most aggressive and well trained bird is killed in one solid hit. They’re much more useful as messenger birds in battle, though there has been some success in using them as a way to terrorize battle horses from acting appropriately in battle. I’ve never seen one actually do that, it’s more just one of those historical things people have tried and then abandoned.”

Yessss… Kokichi loved winning Shuuichi giggles. He was sure it was far from a good impression, but it’d at least gotten the idea across. To one person. Pressing against Shuuichi’s arm again, Kokichi quickly pecked his cheek as thanks for appreciating his top-notch humor. 

And of course Maki would actually know the history of attack birds. 

“Really? I can see that…though I think people more commonly train hawks or falcons for non-messenger purposes. Doesn’t really solve the one hit thing though.” Kokichi snorted softly, sipping his tea. “There’s a series of high-fantasy paintings I really love, where the painter just went hog wild with ideas. There’s one I remember, where there were attack birds with swords strapped to their talons, and others that would drop powder kegs on enemies.”

“That sounds impractical. How would you ignite the powder kegs?” Maki frowned, looking mildly like she genuinely wanted to know. 

“Maybe… ignite it before you send it?” Shuichi guessed, smiling into the cheek kiss.

“If you really want a bunch of panicked, blown up birds in the sky, sure.”

“I’m surprised you’re not more fixated on the sword swinging ones.”

“...maybe make… sharp, metal talon casings? They could attack the way they know how to already, and you’d have many swords, rather than just the one they’d drop.”

“Like having a bunch of throwing daggers over a single sword then,” Shuichi mused, giving Maki a curious look, “Why do you fixate on throwing daggers so much? I’ve heard you say they’re not good at killing people a thousand times, and you’ve never struck me as someone who wants to make that more difficult on herself.”

“It’s not much of a story to tell. I’m on the smaller side, so when I was being trained, especially when I was younger, Nekomaru focused on weapons that would allow me to have a little space between me and the targets. I’m trained in hand to hand combat and close combat, of course, but being well-trained doesn’t negate the natural shortcomings of being a smaller person.” She shrugged at that, clearly not hung up on it, as she continued, “So with all fighting options available, throwing knives, crossbolts, and poisons were what I was trained in to an expert level. But, as a personal preference, throwing knives is my default. Easy to carry, reliable, and shockingly intimidating. I could talk at length as to my theories why, but people tend to run more, when confronted with throwing knives over swords or even crossbolts.”

Kokichi was mildly curious about that too. He didn’t think there had to be a major reason why Maki preferred them, as a person could just like a weapon or fighting style without any deeper reason, but…as someone who had been trained to fight? There probably was one. 

And Maki’s reason was incredibly straightforward. She’d given him similar reasoning when she had talked to him about making sure he was proficient with daggers, and…yeah. They were both smaller people. 

Humming consideringly--even if she had just talked about the fact there were a lot of theories--Kokichi tilted his head to the side. “For crossbolts…I mean, automatic crossbows are super rare. Even for someone really familiar with using them, it still takes time to reload, so…maybe, for people determined to fight, they figure they can take one hit, so it isn’t worth running away…especially since crossbows are pretty good for long distances like that. I dunno about swords, though. Maybe some people might think they’re kinda cliche, but…staring down a sword is scary no matter what, if the person in front of you genuinely means harm.”

“It is, but my theory is that people…” Maki shook her head a little, “...daydream. More. About facing someone with a sword. Especially the sort of people I’d likely find myself confronting or being spotted by in a mission. Unless it’s someone truly innocent, like a family member, most of the people I’d confront in my missions were people who, in some way shape or form, knew their lives were or could be in danger. It’s rare that I’m completely a surprise, or they can’t guess why I was sent. So you have all these people who imagine how they’d face an attacker, play it out in their minds, to the point that when they see someone with a sword, they have a ton of unearned confidence. That unearned confidence being enough to keep them from running, at least initially.”

“But, unless you work with throwing daggers yourself?” Maki said, nodding towards Kokichi knowingly, “They’re the last type of weapon people imagine being attacked with. And with no idea how to combat it even in theory? People run.”

Not exactly the kind of cliche he had been thinking of, but another type nonetheless. Maybe it was just him, but he had a hard time imagining an assassin favoring a sword for missions. Even if not throwing daggers, smaller blades in general, along with poisons, like Maki said, seemed more suited for a covert profession that didn’t care about flashiness. 

But…if you thought you were going to be hunted down? He supposed the first idea of weapon combat he could think of was sword-based. So it would be how people would mentally prepare. 

If you could call daydreaming preparing. 

“That’s really interesting psychology,” Kokichi hummed, echoing Maki’s nod. “I know there’s all sorts, when it comes to that realm but…I’ve never really delved deep into it, apart from, ‘things tend to not escalate as quickly or as severely if there are no weapons present.’ I wonder if we have any psychology books at home that get into fighting and weapon psychology.”

“The castle library is extensive, I can’t imagine they wouldn’t,” Shuichi said, his eyes catching a promising window as he said, “Speaking of books, do you all mind if we stop in here? I really have been looking forward to checking out a new bookstore.”

Maki shrugged, “Sure, I’m fine with it. Though I can’t imagine how different the books can get across three towns. I’ll keep an eye out for any fantasy stuff, since that’s your thing right now.”

She said this, but as Shuichi headed inside, she walked closer to Kokichi, taking a moment as Shuichi pulled away from him to excitedly go check out some of the shelves. “...how are you doing?” She asked him quietly. 

Kokichi made a pleased noise, giving Shuuichi a nod even if it meant the end of ‘cuddling up to Shuuichi’s arm’ hours. Until the night, at least. Sure, they were going to be sharing a room with three other people, but night time cuddling was still completely appropriate. 

He had been excited to browse through books as well, but he hung back when Maki walked closer to him, giving her a questioning look until she spoke. 

“...I think I’m alright,” he said, just as softly. “It…it was really nice, getting to hear so much about Keita’s life. Sure, I knew him as a dependable rep, as someone I was always excited to chat with when he came to town, but…well, you heard. A person is so…multifaceted, and so many things to different people. It made me happy to get to share in that, one more time.”

Though, it wasn’t really one more time. That was what Remembrance was about. About any moment of bonding and keeping the memory of a person alive. It likely wouldn’t be on this scale for Keita again, but it didn’t make any other occasion less meaningful. 

…lives and connections were meaningful. Unique and wonderful and special. 

He’d already said it a bunch, but… “...thank you for being here, Maki-chan. It means a lot to me.”

“I didn’t mind. And in truth, even if Kaito wouldn’t have felt either way about it, I’d have been worried about you both too. Nazumi is a good bodyguard, I trust her, but…” Maki’s eyes lingered over the bookshelves, though she clearly wasn’t actually looking at any of the books. Her eyes simply scanning the room automatically, before resting in a spot before going again, as she shrugged, “I think, over time, I’ll feel less like distance from the castle is automatically dangerous for you both, as you both travel more. But for now, any situation where if you all were hurt, the only reasonable response to looking back at it would be to go ‘no duh’? I’m trying to avoid those.” 

“Your second ever trip outside of the capital, to a high profile event, with your still physically recovering from a difficult pregnancy fiance? Whaaaaat, someone got hurt during that?” She said, rolling her eyes mockingly, “No duh. I should have seen that coming. And, so… I should have been there.”

“I only wish that husband of yours wasn’t a walking ‘no duh’ moment.” She sighed, shaking her head, before glancing at Kokichi, “Mind checking in, while it’s on my mind?”

“Well…third,” Kokichi chuckled softly. “And our security isn’t up to you…but I do hate stressing you guys out. And having an extra set of eyes is never a bad thing. As long as we don’t let confirmation bias cloud our judgment too much? Then I don’t think it’s something to worry about. And like Shuu-chan and I said earlier…trips are more fun with Maki-chan anyway.”

They were more fun with Kaito too. 

Giving a slight nod, Kokichi shuffled a little closer to Maki, making their arms brush as his eyes unfocused a bit. 

{...}

{^3^}

{I love you}

….?? 

Then a clearly determined sense of trying to express love back. Aimless and clumsy, and really the primary emotion being a sense of confused but dedicated desire to express love, rather than sending the actual feeling of love back. But Kaito, if Kokichi was idly listening in, was clearly trying. The gesture an act of love in itself.

Maki just watched him curiously. She couldn’t really help Kokichi train these abilities, not without pulling a bunch of advice entirely out of her ass. But when it came to him ‘fading out’ in the real world, she liked to observe him, in the hopes that she might see opportunities to help him function in this state, the more she learned about it.

And when his eyes refocused, “Everything alright?” She asked, “Not that I could do anything if there wasn’t. I suppose the only thing I’m hoping to achieve is to have you assure me.” She admitted. Looking sheepish.

Kokichi’s expression went a bit moony and lovestruck, feeling that dedication to showing love. He really loved that man. And that dedication could say a lot--there would likely be other feelings mixed in if Kaito was struggling--but…he wanted to be more clear. 

{We’re checking out a bookshop in town. This whole district is gorgeous, I can’t wait to tell you all about it, even if by thinking about it you’re seeing it now. How are you doing? …ꈍ3ꈍ}

Mild distraction. A brief feeling of talking about Miyako to Ikou, the two bonding over her fussiness. A quick feeling of apology, both out loud to Ikou for being distracted, and a vague sense of guilt over trying to juggle conversations was somehow equalling ignoring Kokichi. A sense of confusion of if Kokichi would be able to hear him ‘respond’ anyway. Yes? Maybe? 

A warm affectionate of receiving affection. Phantom kiss? Maybe that was all in his head. He liked to imagine Kokichi kissing him. Sudden mental image of Kokichi giving him a small smile, before bopping his head up to kiss him. Awwww. Good ‘Kichi feelings.

Shuichi looked happy. Was that a bookstore? The town feels like fall. Kaito liked the lanterns. Sorry, Ikou, yeah, Kokichi sent an image of the town. They’re at a bookstore. Sudden, vague intention of trying to express to Kokichi that Ikou says hi. Vague sense of trying to express that he feels okay and misses them.

He’s sad. He keeps imagining beating up a tree with its own branch. He doesn’t know why that mental image is so prevalent to him, with this type of anger. He wants to beat up a tree. He hopes Kokichi can’t see that.

{Aw, tell my dad I say hi too.}

{I miss you too. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Gonna give you all the physical kisses. I love you more than anything, Kai-chan}

{(ʃƪ ˘ ³˘)♥}

Blinking a few times, Kokichi gave Maki a small smile. “He’s…mostly alright. He’s chatting with my dad, and is generally okay. I…think he’s a little sad, though. Nothing overwhelming feeling, but…it’s there.”

“Thanks. So long as he’s…” Maki sighed, “Kaito has this habit. You may have noticed it by now. If he’s not hiding in the shrine, ranting to Atua about his feelings? He has this very annoying habit of finding someone he dislikes, and talking to them about his feelings. Like venting to that idiot at the bar that Waku had to eventually save him from, if you remember that. Kaito just does that, sometimes.”

“Though, he is busy with the kids today, so it’s not like he has that much opportunity to find someone like that and draw them into a conversation. Which is good. It means I’ll have an opportunity to talk to him about all of this, when we get back, while it’s still fresh. I’ll probably end up dancing with him.” Maki explained to Kokichi, as they walked down the aisle, “I think he just enjoys the act of venting to someone he’s angry at, and, well, what are those dance sessions but just controlled ways for us to express our anger.”

“...I apologize if I’m talking about Kaito too much.” Maki said, suddenly looking a little self conscious. “I know that… ugh. Shuichi!”

“What?” Shuichi called, from a few aisles down, heading over and peeking around, “Yes?”

“Your ‘third wheel’ comment got into my head.” Maki whined at him, glaring, “Is it weird? How I am with you all?”

Shuichi blinked, arms full of books, as he looked around. “...you want to talk about that now? The quick answer is no, Maki, but we’re sort of in public here…it’d still be no in private though too. Just so we’re clear.”

“I don’t think he’s done it in a while, though,” Kokichi said softly. And for the most part, that was a definitive statement. The only thing that gave him doubt was…his talk with Nao. He couldn’t imagine Kaito venting to her, even if she was someone he hated, but…the fact of the matter was that he didn’t know what they had talked about. So it was still a possibility. 

“He’s done a lot better about managing his self-destructive impulses,” Kokichi said, chewing on his lip a bit. “Even if focusing fully on the kids is…well, it isn’t processing, I mean… I believe in him. He’ll be alright, and get help for the parts he needs help with.”

“Though I think dancing with you is help too,” he smiled softly. Maki wouldn’t exactly be the most empathetic ear, but…maybe that’s what Kaito needed, to be able to talk about Kokichi’s situation. To confront it, rather than just burying it under a million duties. 

Kokichi had been about to say that Maki wasn’t talking about Kaito too much, but after she called out to Shuuichi to get his opinion on it all… He huffed, pressing his arm to Maki’s for a moment. “It’s not weird. Unique, like Dr. Mariah keeps saying, but not weird. We’re people with deep bonds that care for each other immensely. We’re navigating healthy ways to cherish that bond and go through life with it. It makes us happy, and we’ve all chosen that it’s worth it so…there is it. Ours.”

Maki pouted a little, her cheeks puffing out a little as she gave them both concerned looks… before her face relaxed, tucking her hair uselessly behind her ears before nudging Kokichi’s arm back. “Thank you. Honestly, the only thing I’m more embarrassed about than being perceived as some weird hanger-on to your lives is sounding like I’m doing it unwillingly.”

Looking away, something soft and a little shy in her expression, Maki said, “I love you all. When you’re away from me, I worry about you and talk about you too much. When you’re right in front of me, it doesn’t occur to me to go anywhere else. It’s easier for me to walk away from you all when I know you’re together. I suppose a part of me always feels like I’m… making up for one of you being missing. Like a substitute.”

Shuichi sighed, heading over and, with little warning, dumping his books into her arms. Maki caught it with an easy reflex, giving him an unimpressed look… but her expression softened as he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. “You’re not a substitute for me. Neither of them could replace your role in my life. You’re my best friend, Maki, and nothing will change that. Even when it gets complicated, sometimes. You are invaluable to me.”

“...it’s foolish, that I need to hear that, huh.” Maki said softly. 

“A little.” Shuichi admitted, hugging her tighter.

Kokichi pressed more against Maki’s arm, though not enough to make her drop Shuuichi’s books, even if she didn’t have muscles like steel ropes. “It’s still nice to hear.”

Shaking his head a little, he gave her an earnest smile. “You’re my sister. I may have more than one, but you can’t be another Lake any more than she can be another you. And you, Shuu-chan, and Kai-chan…I love you all a lot, but in different ways. Even Kai-chan and Shuu-chan in different ways, so it’s not just a romantic thing. None of you could replace another, and…I’m happiest when all four of us are together. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have our own lives to lead, and you’re not defined by your relationships to us, Maki-chan.”

“But it does mean I’m happy to have you here, wherever ‘here’ is at any given moment, and for however long it lasts. It means I’m happy that you’re part of my life…and that I’m happy to be part of yours. Parts that fit, but not the whole thing.”

Nuzzling her a little, he grinned more. “And I’ll never be upset about you talking about Kai-chan, unless it’s just to talk a ton of shit about him. I talk about you guys non-stop when I’m with other friends, and I’m sure that’s way more drone-y than you talking about someone I love too.”

It was like putting down catnip, how quickly Maki and Shuichi fixated on Kokichi at that comment. 

“Oh?” Shuichi asked, now that his hands were free of books wrapping his arms around Kokichi’s, giving him a curious look, “What do you say about us to your friends?”

“Oh, certainly nothing but compliments,” Maki said, adjusting the books in her arms and quickly heading to his other side, boxing him in as they slowly walked him down the aisle, “Isn’t that what everyone wants to talk to their friends about? Certainly he wouldn’t take the opportunity to complain about our annoying habits, like literally anyone else would.”

“Are we talking about the same Kokichi? He won’t even complain about you or Kaito when he and I are alone.” Shuichi reminded her dryly, “He really might just be complimenting us to Amber.”

“Temp’s full of sass, he’d never allow it. And who says he doesn’t complain about you guys when he’s alone with me?”

“...” Shuichi squinted at her, “...bullshit.”

Maki smirked, “Prove it.”

Kokichi giggled softly, feeling more pleased by his friends crowding him in than feeling pressured. At least in this vein, he really had nothing to hide from them, and there weren’t a lot of random assumptions that would hurt him either. It was just performative fun. 

“I have my secrets~” Kokichi hummed, unhelpfully. “Am-chan calls me a ruthless savage sometimes, though, for what I say about Shuu-chan and Kai-chan, if you wanted a hint. And they always look super surprised when I bring things up about you, Maki-chan. And, well, I’ve confided things I’ve never talked about with anyone else, with my mentor.”

Both Maki and Shuichi squinted at Kokichi at that. 

“...bullshit?” Maki whispered over Kokichi’s head to Shuichi.

“Has to be. Look at his sweet little face. No way even at his worst Amber could call him a savage with a straight face.”

“He might be being sincere about confessing things to the cat. That cat has a very open, ‘talk to me’ face. It’s the big ears. Makes you feel ‘heard’.” Maki said, nodding sagely.

“Actually, I would hope you have.” Shuichi admitted, addressing Kokichi now, “The relationship between a charge and a mentor is a close one. I’ll admit, if I thought about it too hard, I’d get a little jealous… but it’s good that you have someone you could confide things in, that I either wouldn’t understand or you just wouldn’t want to burden me with. I hope you have had conversations like that with them.”

“Such a good fiance.” Maki said, only mildly mocking.

“I know. I sacrifice so much.” Shuichi sighed.

The thing was, Kokichi was being completely sincere. Amber called him a savage because he talked about being in a happy, committed relationship with two hunks all the time, while she was still looking for her tall prince charming. His friends were surprised, at least sometimes, when Kokichi recounted stories of Maki dipping Miyako upside-down to play with her, or all the fun days out in town she took Tim on, because of the intense aura she always displayed not around kids. Honestly, though, Kokichi told so many of those stories that the surprise would likely fizzle out before too long. 

And, well, yeah. Kokichi had confessed some of his greatest fears and insecurities to Alter Ego. They were a great mentor, but they were also one of Kokichi’s greatest friends.

Laughing softly, Kokichi pressed into the hold Shuuichi had around him. “I love my mentor, but, again, it’s different from how I love you. They’ve been helping me with things that…seemed so big, and out of my control, so…I wouldn’t say they’ve seen me at my worst, necessarily, but maybe at my most desperate. You have too, but…it’s embarrassing, you know? It’s good that I can rely on you, but I think there’s always gonna be a little bit of that embarrassment, when someone I crave a positive opinion from sees me struggling so much.”

“And that’s why I’m glad.” Shuichi smiled, squeezing Kokichi’s arm a little, “And I like to talk to some of my friends too, about things that I’m struggling with before I eventually bring it up with you. I’m not trying to keep things from you. It’s mostly me just trying to understand how I’m feeling with someone not as invested in it, before I bring it to you guys. There’s nothing wrong with that, and I’m glad you have that.”

“You should be, you whine to me about stuff enough about things you wait until you’re entirely calm about to bring it up to them.” Maki huffed, shooting Shuichi an exaggeratedly annoyed look, “I’m really only listening, like, a third of the time. Just talk to them already about that stuff.”

“She’s just trying to get a rise out of us.” Shuichi told Kokichi, rolling his eyes. “But, again. I don’t consider it a bad thing, that you have venting friends. Everyone needs someone to lament too.” Shuichi paused, before sighing dramatically, “Even if it’s about me… and followed up by a compliment.”

“Shut up, Shuichi.”

“A gentle reminder that I carried his child for nine months.” Shuichi huffed, “To whoever he’s complaining about me too. Just saying.”

“No one can be someone’s everything,” Kokichi nodded, before smirking, “Even if they can get close.” Venting was a form of introspection too--just with the chance for some…extrospection? To sort out your feelings, but for someone else to call you out on your own bullshit. Or to confirm what you were going through. It was too much for one person to handle entirely, but it was a good practice to have. 

Tittering softly as Shuuichi dictated that all criticism directed at him should be accompanied by a compliment, Kokichi paused for a moment before a sweet smile came on his face. 

{^3^}

{You’re the sweetest, most resilient, clever, thoughtful darling~ I looooove you}

Shuichi’s eyes widened slightly, briefly looking confused… before his face pinked, looking away and smiling beneath the brim of his hat. “....that’s very sweet.” He laughed lightly, giving Kokichi an amused glance. Leaning down and giving him a quick kiss, “Thank you.”

“Ugh. You both are intolerable. Also, why am I still carrying these books? Let’s go check out.” Maki huffed.

-

Kaito, after making small talk with Ikou for a while and eating– a surprise visit from Kokichi in the middle of it! Sort of? It had been nice– had eventually admitted to him that he could really use a walk, if he wouldn’t mind waiting with Miyako. Not a super long one, he was just going to go stretch his legs out around the gardens, smell air that wasn’t slightly scented with diaper powder. He just needed a small break.

And he was just going to take a small break. Kaito knew he… wasn’t entirely doing well. But Miyako wasn’t going to wait on that, and he didn’t want to ask too much of Ikou. And honestly, what was he going to do anyway? Go to his shrine? And what? Pray?

…yeah, he kinda wanted to do that. But he knew that when he was feeling like this, sometimes going to the shrine to pray was a trap. It had been a while, now, since he had ‘lost track’ of the time in there, but that was a terrible habit he wasn’t willing to start again. Not after how bad it had gotten. His family deserved better from him, and Kaito didn’t feel like hiding from the world and abusing his body until it had nothing left to give was what he really wanted to do anyway. He wanted time to go pray. He didn’t want to go lose his mind.

He didn’t really have time for either though, honestly.

Maybe he needed to talk to Waku. She would listen… but she wouldn’t understand. Not really. And anything he could say about it would worry her. And also it was all surrounded vaguely by this context of ‘I’m going to lose Kokichi’ someday, which sounded much worse and more immediate than anything actually was, and he didn’t want to put alarming ideas in her head that might send her spiraling again.

He really didn’t feel like navigating it with Miss Crystal. And while he knew he could, he didn’t feel like talking to Dr. Mariah about it either. They’d both be so… rational. About it. They’d probably actually make him feel better about it. Blegh.

He didn’t want to feel better. He wanted to be angry.

…that tree branch was starting to look real damn good, honestly. Like if he put enough weight onto it, it’d go crunch… hmmm….

So, Lake was absolutely not moping. Heroes didn’t mope! Not because their roommates were out of town for the day (because it wasn’t actually that weird for the two of them to miss each other, time to time) (...but it was the first time Nazumi had ever been out of town without her), or because the reason for that trip was a badass old man’s funeral. Or because with all the extra people in the force right now, Lake had the entire day off, and only had a four-hour shift the day before, and so she’d…

She was just taking a walk! Enjoying the evening air! Stretching her limbs and not just hanging out the castle out of habit because home seemed too quiet right now and…

Lake stopped, just…staring for a moment. 

“Uh…Kai-guy? You tryin’ to pick up whittling or something?”

Kaito was in the middle of leaning allll of his weight back, his foot on the width of the tree, puuuuuulllliiiing back and down on the branch he had picked. It was sturdier than he thought, and he was starting to grit his teeth and he mentally shouted at the damn thing, come on, come on, snap you–

He paused, giving Lake an owlish look. Wide eyed and blinking, before saying, “Oh, hey there La–AUGH!”

The branch SNAPPED and Kaito fell backwards, having not braced himself to land at all as he collapsed… before quickly shooting back up, scrambling to his feet and hiding the branch behind his back as he grinned wide at her. “What are you doing here? I like your outfit. Are you off duty?”

Lake’s eyes widened, and she took a few quick steps forward as Kaito fell, but…well, at least he seemed. Physically alright. She could only stare at the tree branch he tried to hide, as if she hadn’t just watching him break it off the tree. 

“Oh, thanks, man!” With a small, confused grin, she showed off her outfit a little more. Nothing dazzling, just some shorts and a halter top to beat the heat, with a white-half cape that had protected her shoulders from the sun during the day. “Yeah, I had the day off. Felt myself wanting to take a walk, and the castle gardens really are nice. A bit less crowded than some of the other gardens by my place, too.”

“...whaaaat are you up to?” she questioned, peering around Kaito a little. “You have Miyako all day today, right?”

“Well, it’s a good look on you~ I love the cape. White’s a good color on you, which is honestly surprisingly hard to pull off!” Kaito complimented her.

He rocked back on his heels a bit, subconsciously glancing in the direction he knew his bedroom was as he grinned sheepishly, “Yeah, I do. Ikou’s watching her for a little bit, I, ya know… I needed some air… and this.” Kaito said, pulling the branch out from behind his back, giving it a small little grin as he waved it around a bit, the leaves at the end of the branch making a small hissing sound through the air, “Check it out! Not bad, huh? Think I could whittle a sword out of it?”

Lake chuckled, taking a more appraising look at the branch. “Maybe! With a branch like that, it might be a good pretend sword as is, but you could definitely sculpt it down into something neat. Ko’s always talkin’ about how good at crafts you are--I bet you’ll make something real amazing!”

She flashed him a bright “hero” smile, leaving the laugh by the wayside for this moment, at least, before giving him a softer look. “...just ignore me if I’m talkin’ out of my ass, alright? But…how’re you doin’ with him and Shumai and Mak-Attack away? I know it’s not the same, but…” 

Lake let out a self-admonishing huff, rolling her eyes at herself a little. “...I’ll be honest, I decided to walk around the castle ‘cause home was getting a little too lonely without ‘Zumi.”

Kaito couldn’t help the little chuckle that erupted out of him at the question, though he gave Lake a soft look. “Aw, I’m sorry, Lake. Yeah, that’s right, Nazumi’s gone off with them. I’m sure she misses you too.”

He almost wanted to ask what gave him away, but, well, she had just watched him pull a branch from a tree. He could maybe play if off as him just being goofy and weird and playful– dumb Luminary prince swinging around a branch cause he’s bored– but, well… he squeezed the branch between his hands, it making a small strained sound as the wood bent slightly in his grip. Looking around quickly, that tight little smile still on his face.

…’Kichi? Are you listening?

He waited a moment, to see if he’d get any feedback, He didn’t think Kokichi was ‘tethered’ to him, so Kaito hadn’t just called to him, and his husband wasn’t unkind enough to not tell him if he was listening, especially if Kaito had asked. So…

He wrung the stick in his hand a bit… before grinning tightly at Lake. “Hey… from one committed relationship to another… is Nazumi…” Kaito grinned wider. Bending the branch between his fists, a small splintering sound coming from it as some of its sides snapped under the pressure, “...ever just a fucking asshole to you?”

As usual, the words were right on Lake’s lips, wanting to laugh and assure that it was a committed PLATONIC relationship! As best friends! And roommates!

…but something about… Sigh. It didn’t seem like the branch was the only thing splintering. 

Lake’s smile dropped. 

“Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes…” She trailed off in a sigh, looking to the side, before offering a much, much smaller smile to Kaito. “...I know you just got that stick and all, but you ever do mirroring exercises?”

“...what did my brother do?”

“...do you wanna get your own stick and do some mirroring exercises?” Kaito offered good naturedly, waving his prize cheerfully before pointing it at the tree he had ripped it from, “It’s got mooooore~ Lots of good branches there. Oh! One has a flower! I didn’t go for it, but you totally should!”

Swinging the branch around some more, Kaito grit his teeth. “What did he do… that… brother of yours… NNRGH!” Kaito growled, wacking the grass with the end of the branch, some of the leaves fluttering off in the impact, “I was feeling insecure. About… leaving Luminary! And being a bad prince. And we were having this, this… whole conversation. About me giving up the… chance to do good things in Luminary, to go do other good things, and … your brother!” Kaito said, his voice rising somewhat, pointing at her with the branch accusatorilly, like she was responsible for him… before he looked around nervously. Not wanting to be overhead.

Lowering his voice back down to normal, Kaito twisted the branch in his hands, “Your Kokichi, after telling me I couldn’t have done much anyway if I had stayed, when I asked him if there was ever anything that could tear him away from being an Ouma? Ha… augh! You wanna know what that little… little… creep did!?”

Kaito, a dam opened up, put the end of the branch’s leaves up to his face, covering it up, and said, “He put on a MASK! A mask, Lake! And spent, like, twenty minutes! Talking shit to me behind it! Throwing that question in my fucking face!”

Snarling, Kaito threw the branch on the ground and stomped on it, looking furious, as he said, “God, who does that!?”

…

“Eh, you know what?” Lake murmured that mostly to herself, before heading over to the tree, taking a look for any good branches to break off. She didn’t think she’d take the one with the flower--the whole tree was growing, but seeing the flower made it more potent--but she could find something good, she was sure. 

And while she worked to break one off… She had seen Kaito angry before, sure. Sulking and that weird sort of passive aggression Luminaries sometimes had, and sometimes being like…aggressively aloof? But…she honestly didn’t think she’d ever seen him as openly angry as he was right now. Not even during their horrible spar the year before. 

And at Kokichi no less. 

And the things he said Kokichi had done… 

Some people might say that didn’t sound like Kokichi at all. And…lately, they’d be correct. 

Something bitterly pained and empathetically angry crossed over Lake’s face as she stepped back, slinging the stick over her shoulders. “That’s…really fucked up, Kaito, you’re right. Of course I’ve been happy to see him doing better, and especially how he’s all sweet on you, but…fuck. Guess it’d be too much to ask for no relapses.”

Huffing to get some of the anger out, Lake shook her head before looking back to Kaito. “I’m sorry he did that to you. That’s horrible.”

Kaito laughed, giving her a genuinely thrilled look as she broke down her own branch. The laugh a quick, relieved sound, literally stumbling back one foot as the relief rocked through his whole body. He didn’t know why seeing her do that made him feel so much better, immediately, but there was a sense of… companionship in the move. That made him feel a little less cornered in his anger as he said, “Ha, see? They’re good branches. They snap, it’s great. A good sound.”

Picking up his branch again, he mimicked slinging it over his shoulder, matching her movement as he grinned at her, frustration radiating off of him as he said, “God, I could have… I mean, I wouldn’t. I love Kokichi, I wouldn’t. But fuck I could have strangled him. Just…” Kaito tapped the branch on his shoulder a few times, the leaves shaking behind him with a little rustle sound as he grit his teeth, closing his eyes, “I was so mad. So mad, when I could believe my damn eyes. It was so… fucking mean. And I just…”

“Kokichi’s been thoughtless before. He’s been, like…” Kaito waved his hand vaguely, trying to find the right word, “loud. Like, when we argue. I’d say cruel, but that’s the thing, he’s never really cruel. He’s just cruel for, like, him, ya know? Like in comparison to how he usually is. And it’s always in the middle of argument, ya know? Like, you can’t hold it against him, people get viscous when they’re angry, I’d never ask Kokichi to, just, never be angry at me, ya know? I’m a fucking bastard sometimes, anyone would yell at me and say mean shit.”

“But, this? This… it was so…” Kaito waved the stick a bit, his free hand opening and closing in the wind, like he was trying to grasp something near his face as he sputtered, “I didn’t do anything! I wasn't trying to, to, insult him, or bait him! I just… it came out of nowhere! And, and, also! Also!” Kaito sputtered glaring at her, “Like, what!? Let’s say he reacted that way because maybe that was an insulting question, to ask him if he’d ever give up being an Ouma for anything! Soooooo, what!? We were just talking about what I gave up to be here, so, so, what!? Super insulting, huh!? Outrageous question!? Just had to, had to… fucking put me in my fucking place, huh!? Oh, let’s remind Kaito how much fucking better the Ouma’s are! He fucking needs that shoved into his face! Again! Can’t, can’t just… give a fucking polite no, even, or a vague answer to spare my feelings, no! Gotta remind the Momota that the Ouma’s would never dare!”

“...fuck, I’m sorry.” Kaito growled, “I’m trying not to raise my voice, but… fuck. God, I’ve never been so fucking pissed at him before.”

Lake listened. She listened, nodding along, frowning more at certain times, her brow coming down in anger, but she didn’t interrupt. Not until Kaito slid around the subject himself. She then brought the branch down from her shoulders and adjusted her grip to hold it like a sword, slowly twirling it around with her wrist. 

“Apology accepted. I feel like I’d be yelling into a pillow, or letting out just, real gross-sounding grunts at the gym in your place. So…I think you’re doing pretty well, managing yourself.”

Letting out a frustrated huff, Lake got into a loose stance and started measuredly swinging her sword. Not pointed at Kaito, but beside them. “...I’ll be honest, and, well, you know, since I mess it up the most with you. I don’t always say the best things.”

“...Kokichi…can be a real jerk,” she said softly, her voice hard. “I love him. He’s a sweetheart and I think the world of him, but sometimes…”

“Sometimes it’s like you can’t even tell if he is angry,” she frowned, going through the motions of swordwork. “He’s saying awful, hurtful things, so you’d think he’s lashing out, but…it’s so detached. He finds a point that genuinely hurts, and just twists into it…but not like he’s angry. More like…you’re just an irrelevant irritation in front of him, and he wants you to realize that.”

“...then he gets so sad later, and…I love him. I don’t want him to be sad, or hurting, so I try and comfort him but…fuck. It feels like sewage that one minute he could just treat me like I’m nothing, and the next I just have to forgive him ‘cause…I love him, and he’s hurting. And we can never really talk about it, because he just…guilt trips me because he feels bad.”

She sighed, lowering the blade after a set, before glancing over at Kaito. “...until you knocked some sense into him, and he gave me a real apology.”

“...it wasn’t okay for him to just…brush off your pain, and then dig in the second he just…didn’t hear something that was easy to deal with. Listen to me or not, I genuinely think that’s something you should bring up with your group counselor. But…your anger at him is warranted, Kaito. It’s not okay for him to pull this shit.”

Kaito was practically panting at the end of his rant, his breathing coming in with some difficulty. Just… overwhelmed and furious and this being the first second he’d allowed himself to so much as even glance at those hurt feelings, since it had happened. But, as he followed Lake’s stance, following her swing on the opposite side, allowing her to set the pace on that repetitive motion as she spoke, he felt his breathing even out. Coming in smoother as he let that movement calm his body.

And honestly the relief that came over him when she mentioned what had been bothering him almost the most about all of that, as, groaning as they both lowered their sticks, resting after the set, Kaito roughly ran his fingers through his hair. “Yes. Okay, that. That. I…nnnng,” Kaito closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, before giving her a frustrated look, “I don’t think he did it on purpose. I don’t think he ever does it on purpose. But… look, every time before this I could let go, because ya know what? Kokichi’s body is an asshole to him, and I’m never going to hold that against him.”

“But,” Kaito frowned, leading the way into his own idea of a set, getting into stance and bringing the ‘sword’ up into a block as he took a small, jumping step back, and then a small, obvious step forward, “This time? …honestly, it almost hurts worse, the idea that it hadn’t been on purpose. Cause that just means… so, when he did his little shitty mask routine, right? He accidently, while he was talking, dropped some info on me that had me reeling, right? That just… I just wanted to make everything better. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to be everything he needed me to be and more, because… fuck, because that’s what I always want to do, when his body and fucking life are being unkind to him. Nothing you need to worry about.” Kaito said quickly, waving his hand dismissively, “Just something I hadn’t known yet. He’s fine, just… it was just some hard stuff to hear.”

“And when I think about it? How he just… told me that? Not even to tell me, but as, like, collateral damage. Because he wanted to tell me so badly how he would never stoop to my fucking level… that just to make his fucking point, he’d throw information like that at me? As an afterthought?” Kaito finished the set, whacking the stick into the grass again, gritting his teeth, covering his eyes with his free hand, “...and I couldn’t… say anything. I was just… what could I do? Fuck, I still can’t say anything, there’s no ‘calling him out’ on it. Not in a way that wouldn’t make me a fucking monster.”

His eyes were only a little red as he let his hand fall, too angry to cry properly, as he gave Lake a wary look, “...he’s done this to you too?”

Some of it, the biting insults to drive people away, was on purpose. Kokichi knew he wasn’t being kind in those moments, and it would’ve been a much scarier time if he had. But the…the guilt tripping, and info dumps…Kokichi never meant for it to hurt people. He just…felt so much that there wasn’t any room to consider anyone else. It wasn’t purposeful…but damn, that didn’t feel great either. 

Lake kept Kaito more in the corner of her eye this time, copying his movements. Less like a warm-up of body, more of a warm-up of technique. The little hops were kind of fun, for this sort of thing. 

She sent him a worried look at the mention that Kokichi had dropped one of his patented bombs on Kaito but…she would trust him, that it wasn’t anything for her. (Because…fuck. What was left?)

It wasn’t hurtful enough just to insult and disregard someone. Kokichi was so fucking smart…and he knew how to use information to hurt. 

When Kaito turned to her, Lake could only let out a loud, barking laugh. Undeniably one of her laughs, but…so utterly exasperated. “Fucking all the time. Through his teens, up until you knocked some sense into him? I just…never knew what the hell I was gonna get. My sweet little brother, or someone that wandered the halls like an empty shell, or someone that apologized for breathing, or the biggest jerk in the world.”

“Course I’d throttle any asshole who wanted to talk shit about poor, sickly, hysterical Kokichi Ouma…but sometimes I’d wished I could just yell at him once without him immediately bursting into tears and falling over himself to apologize.”

“...he’s just…” Kaito’s brow furrowed, squeezing his stick tightly in his fist, “...so fucking… reactive. Sometimes. And I just… I feel bad. Getting angry at him. Cause, fuck, look at me, I came out here to break trees and yell at his sister, apparently–” Kaito said, giving her a small, apologetic grin, “-- and, like… I’m the fucking… guy who’s been in anger management for like, fuck, almost a year, I guess. I came from the Momota’s and I’m the one who got so damn angry so damn often and alarmingly, that they decided I couldn’t lead.” Well, among other things. “Like… what fucking right do I have to say that about him?”

“And, like, he really is… so sweet. And kind. And thoughtful, to me. And I don’t need him to be perfect!” Kaito said, giving Lake an exasperated look, “Sometimes I wish he’d yell at me more! I deserve to be yelled at, I can be a dick! And I’m loud, and, just, violent. I go to my shrine and punch walls and throw things around, and it’s not fucking fair to him, to have been saddled with someone who gets explosively angry! That’s not fair to him! He should never have to put up with that shit!”

“But, fuck, sometimes I just… I get so out of control when I’m angry, so when I try to be rational in my anger? I have no idea. If I’m being, like, not crazy angry, or, like, reasonably angry about something, because I can never tell what’s going to just slide off his back like it was nothing, or, like, be the end of his whole fucking world!” Kaito said, just looking increasingly frustrated as he kicked the ground, “And… fuck, I just feel like I’m whining by this point. I wish I could be angry with him. We have these fights and… every time, I feel like I’m overreacting. Because he just looks so damn… sad. And small. And stressed out. And I’m so much bigger than him. I feel like I can’t get angry, so I just fucking end up crying all the time. God, Lake, I cry all the time these days. Cause it’s so much safer than getting angry. I’m honestly baffled I’m not sobbing right now. I kind of want too, but… I really just want to break this damn branch into small, itty bitty pieces more.”

“...I… I’m just so angry.” Kaito said, his shoulders falling. And even though he said that, it was obvious some of that anger was draining out of him, as he gave Lake a tired look, “I love Kokichi. With all my damn heart. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I mean that. But fuck I’m so angry.”

Lake gave Kaito a softer look. “...Kokichi shouldn’t have to deal with explosive danger, and maybe you can be a dick. But you still don’t deserve to be yelled at. Maybe tensely talked to a little louder than normal, but not yelled at.”

“The same as even if he can be a manipulative jerk, Kokichi doesn’t deserve to have his things broken, or worry for the safety of people around him.” She gave him a knowing look, but it never lost that soft understanding. “But…you’ve been getting help for that. You recognize it in yourself. And that’s really amazing, Kaito. You’re amazing. It’s not easy to recognize that kind of stuff, let alone to take steps to manage it.”

“But I think you might be to the point where you can’t only look at others to judge your anger. Especially Kokichi, because…” Lake shrugged. “He’s reactive. And isn’t consistent, in how he reacts to your anger. Again…this is probably something you should bring up with your therapist, because they’d have better advice than me. But as someone who’s dealt with a lot of anger, and been around someone struggling with emotions out of their control?”

“If you’re not attacking someone else, or yourself, or someone’s belongings…then even if your anger is intense, you can still freely feel it. Maybe that’s still not a level you want around your family, and that’s okay. But just because you don’t want it around them doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to feel it…you know? Taking your anger somewhere else is a good way of managing it. To go beat up on a punching bag, or make bread, or go scream somewhere…or go snap branches into tiny pieces.”

Going over to Kaito, Lake placed a hand on his shoulder, speaking softly. “...loving Kokichi was the first time in my life where I didn’t feel broken. He’s my little brother…nothing’s ever going to change that in my heart. But he was very cruel to me, and it was never fair for him to do that, even if I’d been mean to him other times. I’m allowed to be hurt, and to be angry with him, and to still love him more than anything.”

“...and he does understand that too. He’s not my little weathervane anymore. He understood that even if I accepted his apology, I’m still mad. Even if I wanted to scoop him up in a big hug the next day, it doesn’t mean that I’m any less angry than Denji, who didn’t talk to him for a week. But…getting that apology does make it feel better. And seeing him start to understand and mature makes it feel better. And seeing him try to do better by us…makes it better.”

She stepped back, giving Kaito his space back. “Get your apology, Kaito. Call him out, and even if he starts to meltdown, remind him what he’s doing. It might feel cruel, but what he’s doing to you is too. Be angry, and love him at the same time. He loves you too, so…he’ll be better. But don’t just wait for it.”

With another step back and a little turn, Lake quickly brought her branch down on her knee, snapping it in two. “Ha! Twin daggers!”

Kaito quietly watched her, recognizing the terms she was using. Ah, right… Lake had probably done some anger management therapy herself, hadn’t she. That made sense, her parents sound like they’d cause anger issues in anyone, let alone the kid they had abused and cornered into murder.

Kaito still wasn’t sobbing. It occurred to him that he hadn’t realized how much his crying, in the last year, had just been him so… fucking angry. And not able to do anything with it. Feeling it bubble inside of him like an ever increasing boil, with all the heat inside having nowhere to go. Until all he could do was sob. And, maybe in some ways, that was better. His Kokichi didn’t deserve Kaito being at his worst. He didn’t deserve Kaito raging out. 

…but Kaito didn’t deserve to be put down. And treated like he was just so… less. He knew Kokichi didn’t do it on purpose. His husband respected him, loved him, Kaito knew that. His husband didn’t recognize how casually he insulted him, put him down, demeaned his choices. Kaito could barely hold it against him. It was usually just Kokichi trying to express himself. But it had never been so pointedly cruel, as it had been when he had put on the Nellis mask. 

Having Lake know exactly what he meant? Made Kaito feel so less crazy. Like he was being irrational, overreacting to something that wasn’t Kokichi’s fault. Or at least not his husbands intention. Kaito couldn’t threaten him, or break his things, or scream at him or get self destructive, but… he could still be hurt. He could still be angry.

…he chuckled, when she broke the branch. Bringing up his foot and following suit, the branch making a very satisfying SNAP. “Nice~” He said, trying to spin them both in each hand, grinning at her… before he sighed. Lowering his arms and saying somewhat sheepishly, “I told Ikou I wasn’t going to be out long… I need to go be dad…”

“...thanks, Lake.” Kaito said, giving her a tired grin, “I know you and I have had some… miscommunications. A lot of that was my fault. You keep giving me chance after chance… thanks for talking to me, when you noticed something was wrong. It means a lot to me.”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t hold it against ya if you just needed a little more time,” Lake shrugged, though she didn’t insist more than that. Sometimes focusing on other people was just a distraction, but sometimes it really did help. Reminded you that the world was bigger than just inside your head. “Say hello to him and Miyako for me, would ya?”

Her expression softened at his thanks, and she reached out again to gently press a fist to his shoulder. “I like to think I know you at least a little better, after a year. Gotta learn something from all my mistakes, you know? You’re welcome, man.”

Twirling the sticks in her hands one more time, Lake tossed them back into the treeline with a sigh before dusting her hands off on her shorts and tousling her hair a little. “...only gotta hold out until tomorrow. Gonna be back before we know it…but it’s still a little lonely in the meantime.”

She smiled, holding a hand up in a wave. “Have a good evening, Kai-guy.”

-

“...” Shuichi squinted, tilting his head, “... Am I just not… cultured enough to understand this kind of art?” He whispered to Kokichi, as they quietly walked around the exhibit.

There was a variety of art styles in the building, but the one Shuichi kept finding himself drawn to were the ones he just… didn’t… get. Like this massive white canvas that looked like it had just sort of had a variety of colors… thrown at it. And slathered around. And it looked like at some point someone had shoved their face into the wet paint, but only in one corner, and it didn’t really seem to be the ‘theme’.

“I don’t think ‘cultured’ is the right word…” Kokichi hummed softly, taking in the painting. “All of these are from an abstract movement, even farther than…like, cubism or surrealist paintings. I’ve read a lot of artists who participated in this movement did start out with more representative styles but…over time started to become more and more abstract.”

Giggling softly, Kokichi looked at another splatter-filled canvas, liking all the cool, yet saturated colors in this one. “It does look haphazard, huh. But at least for some, it is purposeful. Capturing the energy and emotion of something, or maybe creating a statement piece against the expectations or confines or false pedigree of some representational art.”

“...though there are some people that just use it to cash in. Just putting something on a canvas and convincing someone to buy it. But that’s art too, as long as there is someone that feels something looking at it.”

“Hmmmm… I feel…” Shuichi took Kokichi’s hand, giving him a small smirk. “Smug. Because now I have further proof that my fiance is an exhibit worthy artist. I mean, your work could overshadow half of these pieces, easily. And this one?” Shuichi shook his head a little, huffing haughtily, “They could cover this wall in your loose-leaf doodles, and the experience would be exceptional.”

Oh, sure, Shuichi knew vaguely that there was probably more to it. Experience, connections, pedigree… but Kokichi was the whole package, then. He was the heir-apparent, made delightful art, and as far as Shuichi was concerned, was plenty experienced in being excellent. So what was the problem? He wondered if any exhibits back in Usott were taking new pieces.

Kokichi flushed, covering his face (and flattered smile) with his free hand, though he squeezed Shuuichi’s in appreciation. He did know he could probably submit work to an exhibition and get something in--there were always exhibits looking for new, previously undisplayed artists. And he did feel proud of a lot of his works. 

But it was…hard. Different people felt all sorts of ways about it, but…when an artist shared their art, it was like sharing a piece of their soul. Er, in the metaphorical sense since…Kokichi actually knew intimately what actually sharing his soul was like. And in some ways, that was actually more impersonal than the metaphorical sense. 

It was hard, to put a piece of yourself up for people to judge. And appreciate, yes, but…that was daunting too. 

…he just…didn’t think other people would think much of his art. Even with his partners encouraging him all the time. But he certainly didn’t mind sharing with them. 

Kokichi let out a small huff, trying to contain his fluster. “...I’ve been working on a painting, lately. Hoping to get it done by the time Kai-chan’s present is ready.”

“His present?” Shuichi asked, before his expression cleared, “Oh, the castle temple? Honestly, Kokichi, way to set an impossible bar. I see the way his face lights up when it’s brought up even slightly, nothing I could ever get him will compare… well, maybe Miyako.” Shuichi admitted, tilting his head lightly, “Hmmm… alright, we might be even, actually. He was pretty excited about Miyako.”

As they talked, Shuichi’s eyebrows went up a little, before he gently guided them to the next room, something caught his eyes. In the corner was a small sculpture, of three people flying around each other, wearing robes with large, bird-like wings. Peering at it a bit, Shuichi said, “I’m not sure if we’ve ever mentioned this, but Luminary actually is littered with old, stone statues from an older era. This reminds me of them a little, though the material looks a little flimsier. There were all sorts of different styles of statues, and while people with wings isn’t exactly a revolutionary idea, this specific interpretation of them? Reminds me of a statue we found in an alley once. The building had been built literally around it, the bricked walls just being laid around its edges and molded into its sides… it scared the hat off me, literally.”

Shuichi laughed, giving Kokichi a sheepish look, “I was leaning against the wall without noticing it, Maki said someone was ‘standing’ next to me, I looked thinking she was joking, and practically threw myself against the opposite wall when I saw eyes. Left an impression… may I ask what the painting is of?” he asked, curious now that he was done reminiscing. 

“I don’t think anything can ever top Miya…except maybe all the things she’s gonna do,” Kokichi laughed softly. “You two are already leagues ahead of me, when it comes to wonderful gifts--I had to keep up somehow.”

Easily following Shuuichi where he wanted to go--Kokichi really could spend forever wandering the gallery if left to his own devices--Kokichi hummed in interest, coming up on the angel statue. Or…at least what he assumed were angels, given the common depiction. 

But Shuuichi was right. The ideas of a winged human? Could come from a lot of different places and ideas. 

Pressing to Shuuichi’s side, Kokichi did try to stifle his laughs, able to see the scene so clearly, Shuuichi completely unprepared to see a humanoid statue literally built into a wall. “Pffff… Kai-chan’s told me about the statues, yeah. It sounds fascinating, seeing art just…everywhere like that. Incorporated into everything built afterward.”

Sighing, Kokichi glanced around before his cheeks went pink. “...he asked me once, if I’d make an erotic painting for him. Something he’d just keep in his shrine… It’s not something I’d really consider as part of the temple, but…I thought it’d make him happy.”

…. Shuichi pinked. “Of what?” He whispered, looking scandalized. 

He lowered the brim of his hat, trying to hide the flush in his face as he quickly added in, “I mean, he’ll love it, whatever it is. Ugh, he’s going to be intolerable, actually. Not in a bad way, just very much an… alllll over us sort of way. If we’re not prepared to accommodate that the day of, warn me, I’ll hold Miyako in self defense. You’re on your own, I’m afraid.”

Kokichi flushed deeper, nodding along with Shuuichi’s point, but… He coughed awkwardly into his free hand, looking away from his fiance. “...of me.”

“Oh yes, you’re doomed then.” Shuichi said, shaking his head a little at him. Reaching over and patting Kokichi sympathetically on the shoulder, “He’s going to be all over you. You won’t have a moments peace. He’ll keep coming back from ‘praying’, fascinated with you…”

Shuichi pinked, looking away, “Will I get a sneak peek?” 

Kokichi leaned into the sympathetic pats, but he still couldn’t bear to meet Shuuichi’s eyes, still red and highly embarrassed. When he was working on the painting, his mind usually went so deep into “detail mode” (after he took five minutes at the beginning of a painting session to be flustered over what he was doing) that he wasn’t really thinking about the subject of the painting so much as just trying to create a vision in his head. 

But just viewing the thing?

Kokichi nodded slightly. “If you want. I told Kai-chan he couldn’t, ‘cause I want it to be a surprise, but… I mean. No one but you two are ever allowed to see it.”

“No, obviously not.” Shuichi said, looking vaguely annoyed at the very idea, “Something like that is very much a ‘our eyes only’ thing…” Shuichi suddenly narrowed his eyes, giving Kokichi an exasperated look, “You know he’s going to ask for a lifelike from me now, right? If he fusses too much, I’m making you pose. He can have two pictures of you.”

And then, Shuichi’s stern expression lightened, smiling lightly as he leaned down to give Kokichi a small kiss, on the edge of his lips, “I think it’s a nice gift though. It’s something he’ll genuinely love. You really are setting a very high bar.”

“I don’t think I can handle making another of me,” Kokichi groaned, rubbing his flushed cheek. “My only hope is Shuu-chan getting the idea to commission me for one of him to give to Kai-chan himself. It’s just convoluted enough to save me.”

He did smile at the kiss, though, finally able to look at Shuuichi again as he shrugged sheepishly. “It’s not really like I haven’t given gifts to people before…but I really want to give you guys things you love. It just…feels nice, getting an idea and knowing that you’ll be over the moon about it. I just hope I’m not blowing my whole load now.”

“...” Shuichi raised an eyebrow, before poking Kokichi’s nose, a small reprimand, “Your head is really in the gutter right now.”

“...what?” Kokichi pouted at the poke. “What?”

-

Miyako wasn’t wailing. She was whimpering. And somehow, when Kaito’s eyes blinked open in the middle of the night, literally cuddling the alarm and a little confused at why the bed felt so weird, realizing what that sound was was so much worse.

“‘M coming, ‘m coming, Miya?” Kaito whispered, abandoning the clock and scrambling off the covers of his bed, bolting to Miyako’s crib. It wasn’t time for her feeding yet and she had eaten before Kaito lied down, she shouldn’t be hungry. What was wrong? Oh, Miya… she was just sniffling in the bed, eyes wet and water, and when she saw Kaito lean in to pick her up she started to cry louder. “Oh, Miyaaaa… Miyakoooo~” he coo’d at her, feeling her diaper– it was a little wet, maybe that was what had woken her up– as he went to go change her, “Miyaaaaa~ Miyakoooo~”

He hummed a little mindless tune, changing and cleaning her, and looking her over in concern as she still whimpered and whined. What was wrong… “Miya… did you have a startling dream?” Kaito guessed. Picking her up and cradling her, as Miyako gave sad little baby sounds, “Is that why you didn’t cry out? Did something scare you? My poor girl…”

He walked around with her for a bit, looking around for inspiration. For help. It was tough to go back to sleep, when there were scary things behind your eyes. What kind of nightmares did babies have? Hmm… Kaito picked up the lamb doll, and whispered to Miyako, “Well, if we’re not sleeping right now? Little Lambs been talking about inviting you to tea for ages, sweetbun… Little Lamb and…”

One break in later, a quick trip to the nursery too, and Miyako was staring in fascination at a very ugly doll Maki had under her bed, who Kaito was mentally calling ‘Big Head’, Smug Rabbit, and Little Lamb were all around a little play table, with little play cups, discussing little play war strategies.

“We have to make a deal with the Unicorns! They have the entire southern meadows down, and the alliance with the grass gnomes! Losing their alliance is losing the war!” Big Head insisted, as Little Lamb exaggeratedly shook his entire little lamb body in defiance.

“The Unicorns and the Phoenix's cannot get along, and if we have to choose one or the other, the everlasting fire birds trumps donkeys with sticks on their heads any day! Let the field gnomes make their own choices, they will not make or break the upcoming battles!”

“Quiet, quiet, this is a respectable place, we will not have discourse in the war room!” Smug Rabbit told them sternly, before turning his little rabbit face to Miyako, “Princess? Perhaps there is a way to put the Unicorns and the Phoenix's in an alliance before we settle a pack with either of them? If they consider each other their strongest allies, then us providing resources to one over the other still guarantees us both of them, and the field gnomes. We just need a way to give them a common problem. Any recommendations, your grace?”

Kaito waited patiently as Miyako gurgled. Fascinated with the funny voices and the way her toys moved about, their heads bobbing in Kaito’s grip. “Grg–hmmm,” she gurgled, trying idly to mimic the sounds.

“Brilliant! Our princess has done it again!” Smug Rabbit said, looking to the other two as he asked, “Seriously, what do we pay you for? You always come in with problems! Start bringing our highness here solutions! You're lucky she’s so patient!”

“Gah!” Miyako cried out. Giggling as all the dolls seemed to jump at the sound.

“Another brilliant idea! I’ll send word to the troops right away, Princess Miyako!” Big Head said, finishing drinking his tea– Miyako giggled as she watched him dump his head into the cup– before Kaito flung him away. Though, seeing Miyako suddenly look disappointed, Kaito scrambled to go get Big Head back, “I return, I return! Excellent news, princess! The war is won!”

“Awwww, yay! You did it, Miya!” Kaito cheered, Miyako reaching out towards Big Head, Kaito accommodatingly letting her have him… before saying in Big Heads voice, “Noooo! Princess, whyyyy!? I am devoured! Oh, what a cruel twist of fate! Remember meeee!”

Miyako, chewing on Big Heads horn-ear-thing, looked up at Kaito curiously. Her expression relaxed, play time banishing whatever had been wrong. Kaito chuckled at the look, before whispering to her, “Don’t tell Dada or Daddy that dad wanted to play War Room, kay baby? They’ll scold me. Awwww, you did so good though! You won the war! What a good girl… please don’t get attached to Big Head, I stole him from Maki’s room, Auntie will give me an eeaaarriiiiing… alright, I’ll put him back when you go to sleep. Come on, Miyako. You and the generals need to go back to sleep. There we go… such a good princess…”

-

As fulfilling as the trip had felt--to Kokichi, at least--it really was a short one. Walking around the city, both in the evening and early morning was wonderful, they’d gotten some local delicacies for breakfast--Kokichi was still baffled by the croffle, as delicious as it was--and after a last-minute safety check, they’d packed back into the carriage and were on their way back out of Corbra before 9. Kokichi had let Kaito know, so he could reasonably expect them a bit before noon. 

It was…good! A good trip. And Kokichi was looking forward to sharing more of it with Kaito when they got home. 

Kokichi was cuddled up to Shuuichi as his fiance read, idly watching out the window, when the carriage suddenly stopped, the horses’ startled whinnying audible through the carriage walls. It wasn’t so sudden that they were thrown from their seats, but…

Kokichi tensed, his eyes going wide.

Shuichi had been reading a book on herbs– not necessarily ‘magical’, but enough spells required herb like material that he suspected familiarizing himself with them would be useful in the long run– and just comfortably feeling the vibrations of the carriage moving and Kokichi leaning into his side. Though, when the carriage stopped more abruptly then the normal slowing over difficult terrain, his hand automatically went to Kokichi’s thigh, an entirely subconscious desire to steady him as he looked up from his reading. 

“...something happen?” Shuichi asked, imagining some unexpected debris in the road that needed clearing. 

Maki, who had been sitting in the back of the carriage and looked as if she had been half napping, had gotten up as soon the carriage had stopped. Heading to the door without answering.

Aiichi was quick to get up, planning to follow her, leaning over to pull on the emergency bell so the carriage wouldn’t suddenly start moving if it had just been something momentary, but, however…

Kokichi was faster than either of them. 

Eyes wide and wild, chest moving a bit two quickly, he put himself between Maki and the door, blocking the way. 

“Don’t go out!” he croaked, voice pitchy and unstable. “Stop!”

Aiichi’s face fell into concern, more than the mild curiosity at the carriage stopping. “Ko…? We’re just going to see if Nazumi needs help. Sometimes branches fall into the road, and the horses can’t--”

The king’s explanation was cut off as Kokichi made a distressed sound, staying firmly in front of the door. “No!”

Shuichi frowned. Was… Kokichi ‘hearing’ something? Was that why his fiance was so insistent. He glanced out the windows, trying to see if he saw signs of attacks. He didnt’ see anything, but… “Kokichi?” He asked, “Is something…”

His voice trailed off though, his eyes catching Maki’s hand. She hadn’t been the first to the door, but she had gotten ahead of Aiichi, and was standing head of the group, staring at Kokichi quietly. But Shuichi saw her make a small, lowering motion with her fingers, and knowing she was telling him ‘caution’, he slowly lowered himself by the seats, becoming smaller and quiet, listening. Suddenly wishing he had brought his baton after all… he hadn’t wanted to worry Kokichi with the overly cautious weapon…

Maki, in turn, now that Shuichi wasn’t speaking, Kokichi staring at them and guarding the door, listened to the silence… and hearing the small sounds of the horse equipment being readjusted, almost drowned out by the whining of the horses, Maki’s lips thinned. 

Seeing the panic in Kokichi’s eyes, she took out one of her throwing daggers, and holding two and, using her free hand, offering Kokichi the butt of one, “We are not in danger. But if we were, a wise prince would send his best fighter to assist his bodyguard.” She said, holding the knife out to him, “And a brave one would stand guard over his party. And keep calm to calm them.”

“Well?” She said, “Ouma?”

It was good advice. The kind of thing that, in the past, had helped Kokichi gather his courage to stand up to stressful situations. 

…however…this wasn’t exactly a stressful situation, not like the others that Maki had encouraged Kokichi through. Because he hadn’t gotten some warning from outside, a wave of bloodlust or anger. They hadn’t been attacked by thieves or political extremists. There wasn’t even yelling and cursing outside. 

Instead…

Kokichi could almost hear the dull thumps in the dirt. The yelling, then silence. The creak as something landed on top of the carriage. The silence. 

And he could only look at Maki with wide, terrified eyes that…weren’t exactly seeing her, as he breathed far too quickly. “No! You can’t leave! E-everyone who left dies, I-I won’t-!

He didn’t exactly get to make a decision, as behind him the door gently opened, Nazumi peeking in. “Sorry about that, folks. Snake on the road really spooked the horses, and…” Her eyes narrowed in on the dagger (not) pointed at Kokichi before she took in the scene. “...everything okay?”

Hmmmm… peer pressuring Kokichi into pulling it together for leadership stuff was usually the go-to for stuff like this. Maki could try Plan B, which would be ‘Feel Your Feelings Later’ or, Plan C, ‘Feel Your Feelings Later, but Kinda Pissed About It’...

Shuichi sighed, standing up now that he was certain the only actual danger was his friends accidently stabbing each other while trying to navigate a panic attack and flashback. “Maki,” he hissed to her, “Put it down.”

Maki’s lips thinned a bit, but with a flick of her wrists the knives were gone, Maki stepping aside as Shuichi pressed forward now. Shuichi gave Nazumi a quick glance, before saying mostly to Kokichi, “Everything’s okay, Kokichi… Nazumi said it was a snake. None of us are in any danger… and we’re not going to leave the carriage.” He tried, giving Kokichi a soft, earnest look, staying a step or two away from him to not overcrowd him as he said softly, “We’ll stay right here with you, we promise. We won’t leave. We’re safe.”

…there was a snake in the road…not a girl. Not-

One of his guards is a girl.

I hope the little lady don’t suffer none.

No one…taking a rusty sword outside. …the knives were gone. There was…nothing to fight. 

Kokichi turned slightly, seeing a blond in the door of the carriage…but Nazumi’s eyes were orange. And she wasn’t smiling. No

Haha! Long time no see, Kokichi!

That’s what I said!

…his family was already here. 

Aiichi made eye contact with Nazumi over Kokichi’s head, giving her a slight nod. It would be better to get home as soon as possible, if there really was no issue. And as the door shut again, he spoke to his son gently. “It’s okay, Ko. We won’t leave. You always hated I Spy, but…can you tell me what you see?”

Kokichi nodded numbly, his eyes still wide and darting around a bit. “...you. Maki-chan. Shuu-chan. The…the seats…they’re blue. Left my bag on the floor…”

Shuichi frowned, but waited patiently, as Maki sat back down, sighing slightly. 

Shuichi had known that Kokichi’s kidnapping, and everything that had followed, had been horrifying. He could remember the panic, of trying to find him. Of staring at the wet dirt, a theory in his mind, and trying to decide if he was willing to risk losing Kokichi’s trail, having them stop and turn into the woods on what had felt like so little at the time… wet dirt and a small, man-made mark among them. Staring at it and wondering if it was just a coincidence, or a sign… feeling Kokichi get farther and farther away every second Shuichi couldn’t decide.

And he hadn’t agreed with Kaito, in his belief that Kokichi had been ‘fine’ after everything that happened. Honestly, Kaito’s sincere belief that Kokichi had coped remarkably well from the event had been baffling to Shuichi, if only because, how could he have been fine? Assuming Kokichi was coping had sounded like madness, in comparison to what he had gone through.

But knowing something as inevitably true, and seeing it for himself, in Kokichi’s wide, panicked, unseeing gaze… Kokichi had basically been catatonic, when they had found him. Whimpering and mindless, twitching in Katsuki’s arms. Shuichi had almost forgotten, how frightening that first moment had been, seeing Kokichi barely comprehensive. His stomach tightened in nausea, at the grim reminder of just how bad it had been.

He waited to say anything though, not wanting to spark another attack by doing something Kokichi hadn’t seen coming. Experiencing the heartbreaking helplessness of being outside a panic attack, looking in.

“That’s good, Ko,” Aiichi softly murmured, gently easing the visible concern from his face. Slowly, he extended a hand towards Kokichi, still a fair distance away so he wouldn’t be pushing anything at his son. “Do you think you can sit down with one of us? It’ll probably be easier than standing while the carriage is moving. You can feel the rumble under your feet, right? Tell me what you can feel, Ko.”

…there was a rumble. The were moving…

“...s’like noticing clothes,” Kokichi mumbled indistinctly before he blinked. “...have hairbands around my wrist…feel…feel the door behind me…” He took an unsteady step forward away from the door before his panicked frown deepened again, and his eyes flicked over Maki, Shuuichi, and Aiichi. They were far too familiar for him to believe otherwise, but…

“...we’re moving… it’s…” Not rough and rickety. They were on a real road, not one that would ruin the wheels of the carriage-

A small price to pay for freedom!

Kokichi swallowed, more falling back into his seat by Shuuichi than sitting. “Where…where are we going…?”

“Home,” Shuichi said softly, sitting next to him. And, if Kokichi was truly that lost in the memory, perhaps… 

“We’re going home to Miyako,” Shuichi said softly, referencing the one thing that would firmly plant them in the future, “She’s getting so big, already… she has that thick, baby weight. Kaito likes to pretend to nibble on them, her chubby arms and legs, and it makes her laugh. I love it when she laughs. I’ll sometimes sit and watch you all, just knowing any moment you’ll catch her attention and do something goofy. And she’ll smile that big, wide smile of hers, and giggle at you… they’re some of my favorite moments, these days. I’m looking forward to getting home, and watching you make our daughter laugh.”

Miyako… His baby. Their baby. Kaito…

…where was Kaito?

Kokichi glanced around the carriage again. …right. Kaito was at home, taking care of Miyako… They were just…just on a couple hour trip away. Something quick, that they could still do as new parents. 

His sweet little girl… He missed her…

It caught, sometimes, but Kokichi tried to take deeper, longer breaths. Tried to calm himself down. Tried to…

Kokichi tucked his arm to his chest and closed his eyes. Shoulders trembling gently as tears started to fall. 

Aiichi didn’t so much speak as make a soft sort of sad sound, before he knelt down in front of Kokichi. He didn’t touch his son yet, wanting to make sure that wouldn’t make things worse for him still, but he still spoke. 

“I’m so sorry, Ko. We’re right here for you.”

“...it really was terrible.” Shuichi murmured, still not daring to touch, but giving Kokichi’s tears a deeply sad look. Pulling out his newly cleaned handkerchief and holding it onto his lap as he said softly– partly to Aiichi, and partly just… commiserating– “...we had so many terrible things happen, when we first got here. But that day? It really was a nightmare like nothing else…”

Maki’s shoulder tensed, sitting in the back of the carriage, her fingers twitching with the desire to play with her knives… before she let out the breath. Nodding slightly.

Kokichi’s tears were silent, but eventually he reached out…and Aiichi’s hand was right there to gently curl around it. Firm, but not demanding. 

“...I should’ve taken better care of you,” Aiichi said softly, before nodding to Shuuichi and Maki as well. “All of you. You shouldn’t have been left to contend with everything that happened on your own.”

…a nightmare was right. When Aiichi had gotten the message that his son had been kidnapped not once, but twice, the second by terrorists who had tortured him? It had felt just like that day, Aiichi tearing across a rioting city to maybe see his wife one last time…and to hopefully see his son at all. Except…there had been no where to run to. He’d just had to wait, and see his son return with an emptiness in his eyes. 

Aiichi couldn’t imagine how much worse it had been for the others there. For Kokichi himself. 

“...”

“...they tied me up…” Kokichi’s voice was painfully small, squeezed high-pitched as he wept. “I…I tried to warn them but…they didn’t listen…put a gag in my mouth… Then…then they all left. And they all died… Brent heard them die too and…and he could only ap-pologize to me…”

“... I couldn’t find Katsuki.” Maki said from the back.

“In her defense, it was for a good reason. She had known a way to find Kokichi, and every second counted.” Maki said, staring at the ceiling, the carriage rumbling a soft hum beneath them, “But everything had fallen apart so suddenly. I had thought Kaito was with Kokichi, I had only looked away for a moment… and Kokichi was vanished, and the only other security we had gone a moment later. And all I could think was…”

Maki blinked, “I had ruined everything. I had failed, and gotten Kokichi killed. All I could do was push us forward and hope Shuichi could lead us to him. Could hope it wasn’t actually too late… Kaito just staring at both of us. Quiet and waiting for us to fix it. Entirely certain we knew what we were doing. I was desperate for him to not realize we were just chasing a carriage track over one eyewitness that we had lucked into.”

“That makes it sound like it was more hopeless than it was,” Shuichi said softly, looking to Kokichi, “Katsuki was on her way, and so were we, luck or not. And Kokichi had been so clever, leading us to him… there was nothing any of us could have done better. Kokichi should have been allowed to rest at a park. We should have been able to buy food… and Brent was just a son, trusting in his parents. He should have been allowed to do that. It was a tragedy…”

A tragedy. A nightmare. So many horrible things had happened over the past year, and there was no use comparing them. But Kokichi had really felt like the world was ending when he had been tied up on the floor of that carriage, listening to people die. 

Clutching his dad’s hand, Kokichi listened and cried. And… He barely ever spoke of them. Let alone in a considering light. But…that part had scared him too. 

“...even on poppies, a-and knowing how they were…A-aba was still so scared, when they said they were gonna kill her… I didn’t know what was happening but…I-I could still hear her screaming…”

Giving a little huff of a breath, Aiichi came forward and pulled Kokichi into a hug, feeling his son cry into his shirt.

“...” Maki looked away. She didn’t regret taking on Tom and Itch… but she didn’t regret the marks she had left on them either. The ones she had compelled they leave on themselves. In truth, she still thought they had gotten off light. Them being some of Hers only making what they had done more intolerable. They were lucky Maki didn’t have easy access to them anymore…

Shuichi, in turn, risked putting his hand lightly on Kokichi’s back now. Tracing his fingertips up and down his back, “...she recovered.” Shuichi gently reminded Kokichi, his tone soft. “Right now, she’s okay, somewhere. That nightmare over… it’s over for all of them, in one way or another. For us to, in a way… we’re all safe. None of us are suffering, not anymore. We’re okay… you’re okay…”

…she was. Someone who had done heavy crimes, was in isolation, would have to carry the trauma and truth of all of that…but her arm was healing, she had safely had a baby, she was being looked after. So were they. 

It was over. 

Kokichi huddled into his father’s arms, choking on a sob. “...I-I know… Most of the times…it is…but… but I don’t feel okay…”

As he sniffled that admission, Aiichi just pressed a kiss to Kokichi’s head. “...and that’s okay too. Tragedy doesn’t leave people once you’re safe. You still have us when it becomes too difficult to handle. And it’s okay to hurt, even for older things.”

Silently, Kokichi reached a trembling hand out towards Shuuichi, asking for him too.

Shuichi took it, squeezing it between both of his own, as he leaned his body against Kokichi’s. The king was right… sometimes you just didn’t feel okay. And there wasn’t much to do beyond just feel it. Let others comfort you, or ride out the storm on your own. 

Shuichi knew that when he was feeling his worst, the thing that usually made him feel less stressed was just… getting the chance to say it was terrible. Kaito, and Maki, to an extent, both would offer words of encouragement back, which was nice, but… it was his own words that usually had the most impact on his mood. Just the act of letting out his feelings.

And maybe all Shuichi could offer back was a small, “I love you, Kokichi.” Just to show he was there, as he leaned against him and held his hand, “It’s alright, that you’re not okay. I love you.”

-

“Okay, little Miyako bath, with a happy little Miyako baby~” Kaito coo’d, though this was more ‘trying to will it so by speaking it’ sort of situation, as Miyako seemed to be more tolerating bathtime still. She was more inclined to enjoy baths as time went on, but she was also still more easily irritated in them, and it could often still feel like a toss up if it was gonna be a ‘bad’ bath day or not. Every now and again she kicked at the water a bit, but that seemed to be as much as she felt like playing with it as Kaito washed her.

“Daddy and Dada and Auntie are all coming back today. Remember, we’re not telling on Dad that he played war games with Daddy’s favorite toy and Aunties big ugly doll, kay?” Kaito grinned, giving his daughter a wink– noticing a small excited kick at that– “Dad learned lots and lots and lots of military strategies and policies for a few years before Miya was born~ not info you’ll ever need, baby-love, but, well… maybe fun for playtimes every now and again. But~ we’re not going to bring up iffy play games, because Dad needs to have a… somewhat serious talk with Daddy, today.”

Little more kicks– likely nothing to do with what he was saying, but Kaito chuckled, giving her little knees a quick kiss as he said– “Noooo, Miya, we’re fine, we’re fine. Trust me, your dads are solid, nothings gonna rip us apart. But! Sometimes, dad’s gotta put his foot down and sa– GAH!”

“Gwah!” Miyako mimicked. 

“Uh?” Timothy said, giving his startled father a mildly worried look, “...sorry.”

“Tim! What are you… how did you get in here!?” Kaito demanded, having nearly jumped out of his skin at seeing his kid just suddenly ‘appear’, “Didn’t I lock my bedroom door?”

“...you did.” Timothy admitted sheepishly, “I felt like bringing this to Miyako.”

Kaito blinked as Timothy, shrugging, held up Big Head. The weird, oddly sewn together monster doll Kaito had stolen, and since returned, from Maki’s room. Kaito gave Timothy a bewildered look… before shooting Miyako a Look.

Naughty baby… before grinning at Tim, “Aw, thanks kid! You remembered!”

Timothy hesitated, “...I did?”

“Yeah, I asked you if you’d grab it from Mom’s room for me yesterday. At your own time, I just wanted to introduce Miyako to it. Though… did you break into mom’s room to do it?”

Timothy nodded.

“...well, we’ll apologize to her for that.” Kaito grumbled– damn. Now he couldn’t hide the fact that he had broken into Maki’s room without teaching Timothy to lie. Dammit.-- as he took the doll from Timothy, “But, that’s my bad for not saying it wasn’t time sensitive. I appreciate you helping me out kid. Say ‘thank you’, Miya–” ya mean little Big Brother possessing, doll grabbing baby.

Miyako, entirely unapologetic, reached for the big doll. Wanting to chew on it again.

“Here, let me get Miss Miyako here all cleaned up, and we’ll go down for breakfast together. I’ll meet ya in your room kid.” Kaito said, waiving Timothy off… before shouting after him, “And stop breaking into my room! You’re gonna see me butt naked someday and it’s gonna be your own fault!”

“Ew!” Timothy shouted back, the door closing behind him.

“Vent crawling little weirdo, why are both my kids so damn bad at personal space.” Kaito muttered, putting the doll aside and, ignoring Miyako’s whining grasp for it, finishing up bath time.

-

The rest of the carriage trip had been rather solemn. After crying, Kokichi had fallen asleep, curled up in the corner of his seat, face splotchy even after Shuuichi had gotten a chance to wash it. No one in the carriage particularly wanted to wake him up, so they spent the rest of the trip mostly in silence, only speaking quietly when they needed to. 

Reluctantly, Aiichi shook him awake when they arrived at the castle, and Kokichi…

…he knew it wasn’t really something he could control, so he shouldn’t be embarrassed about it…but he was. Embarrassed, and exhausted, and still feeling little flickers of fear that tense his spine and buzzed at the back of his head. But…he was happy to be home. To see his husband and baby again. 

Kokichi lingered a bit to help get everything out of the carriage, but he didn’t stick around to see Adrian pull it into the depot or make sure the horses were fine like he normally would’ve, and instead just headed into the castle, hoping to see the rest of his family.

“Tim, that’s… that’s too much meat, kid.” Kaito said, literally dying on the inside to have to say that, as he stared at Timothy’s plate, “That’s not what second helpings mean.”

Timothy, chewing on his literal plate of bacon, chewed on one idly, “...it’s not sugar.”

“Now, what you think you’re doing is putting me in a corner with an either/or thing, but what you’re actually doing is putting us both in a position where I have to teach you a bunch of nutrition stuff in a long, boring lecture, when you should just take my word for it right now that that is too much bacon.”

“Do you want me to put a fruit with it?”

“It’s still too much bacon… I mean, adding a fruit is a good idea, but that seriously does not nega–”

“Uncle Kokichi is back,” Timothy said, spotting him through the dining hall doors, “He looks sad.”

“I, what?” Kaito said, adjusting Miyako in his lap as he looked over his shoulder, lighting up a little as he realized, “They’re back earlier than expected! Or we went to breakfast really late…” Kaito murmured, glancing at the clock– a little from column A, a little from column B, lighting up either way to see they were back… before he frowned. “Oh, shoot, he does… we’re not done talking about proper bacon proportions, kid, this conversation is just on hold!” Kaito warned him, getting up as he said, “Take my plate in for me, thanks!”

Timothy gave him a little wave, before shoving three more sticks into his mouth. Just because.

Kaito quickly hurried over to the entrance hall– maybe Kokichi was just tired, it could have been a long trip– but the closer he got the more certain he was that, no, something was wrong…

Kaito, frowning, didn’t ask what had happened right away. The second he had caught Kokichi’s eye, he saw the exhaustion there and just pulled his husband into a hug, adjusting the sling to hold Miyako in his other arm as he gripped Kokichi tightly against himself. “...hey there…” Kaito murmured to him, “Hey, there he is… you look so tired, ‘Kichi.”

Kokichi pressed into Kaito’s hug, a tremble going down his body as a burning sensation welled up in his eyes again…but no. He wasn’t going to start crying again. He was just… Kokichi sighed, hugging Kaito tightly. 

“Hey… I missed you.” Peeking out from the hug, Kokichi reached out to smooth a thumb over Miya’s forehead, his gaze softening just from looking at her. “Missed both of you.”

…Shuuichi would probably tell Kaito. But…probably not right away, wanting to spare Kokichi’s feelings. And he did appreciate that, since he already felt so ashamed…but Kaito shouldn’t be left hanging. 

“...had a panic attack on the trip back,” he quietly murmured, pressing his head back in against Kaito. Just wanting the world to be nothing more than his husband and baby right then. “...think I’m gonna…go unpack. And hang out there.”

Kaito frowned at that, looking back where Kokichi had walked in– where the heck were Shuichi and Maki? Well, if Kokichi was out of it, Kaito knew his husband was quick enough to dodge them if he didn’t feel like being followed– before sighing a bit. “You did, huh…” 

Shit, the funeral must have been tough. Maybe Kaito should have gone after all. He had thought Kokichi would be fine, that the funerals in Dicea might be a little gentler than Luminaries. Hell, that could still be true, but Kokichi had just had a tough fucking day before that too. Ngh, no fucking wonder it frayed him this badly. Kaito should have just sucked it up and gone.

Well, shoulda-woulda-coulda. For now, Kaito ran his fingers through Kokichi’s hair, “Aw, babe, I’m sorry. God, you really do look tired though… hey, Miyako? Wanna see why Dad’s so darn good at carrying you?”

Hoping Kokichi would find this reassuring, rather than condescending, Kaito leaned over and, with a swoop, scooped him up. Giving him a quick kiss on the temple as he said, “Let me take you up. I missed you~” he asked. Though, it was him asking. He didn’t move. Just scooped him up to show he could carry them both, easy-peasy. Miyako suckling at a pacifier as, reassured to see Soft Heat was back, had returned to idly wanting her arms free from the wrap to get her little baby hands on some of that hair… yes, Small Heat. Regrow that hair…

Kokichi’s face crumpled a little as Kaito scooped him up, though he turned to hide his face in Kaito’s neck, easing the expression with deep breaths. It wasn’t really the fact that Kaito was carrying him. They both knew he was capable of climbing the stairs himself--this was more just… Kaito seeing he was struggling, and wanting to show support. 

And Kokichi really appreciated that. Even if they had both been just as lost, Kaito staying with him really was what got him through those first few days, after his kidnapping. 

Kaito staying got him through a lot of things. 

Wrapping his arms around Kaito for stability, Kokichi nodded into his neck. “Thank you… I missed you a lot… There’s so much I was excited to talk with you about, about our trip… And I want to hear all about your day with the kids…”

“You’ll get to tell me all about it.” Kaito said, taking Kokichi’s burrowing to be permission to start heading up, starting the trip up the stairs, adjusting his grip around Kokichi just a bit to accommodate the weight of his backpack. Miyako, in prime heart listening position, was starting to blink sleepily as Kaito half chuckled, half scoffed, “And boy will I tell you all about my day with the kids. Miyako thinks she’s clever, ‘Kichi. And I’m sure you’ll be proud to know that, apparently, Timothy’s been practicing his lockpicking skills, cause guess who just ‘showed up’ this morning! Out of nowhere, Kokichi!”

And with that, Kaito started to regale Kokichi with mildly exaggerated retellings of the trials of Timothy and Miyako in the last day and some change. Casually, comfortably, talking about Chase running off with one of Miyako’s used up diapers when Kaito dared change her in the middle of he and Tim playing fetch with the dog– “I swear, that dog must not have taste buds, ‘Kichi, she tore into it, I was so worried she was just going to straight up eat it!”--, Timothy testing his limits when it came to Kaito supervised meals– “Like, I don’t have to explain to you why that’s too much bacon grease, right? Cause apparently I’m going to have to explain it to him! Which means I gotta go look up exactly why that was bad, I just remember vaguely knowing its bad for your blood pressure? Maybe Shuichi will know.”

And when they got back to the room, Kaito lowering Kokichi down onto the edge of the bed, giving him a small kiss on the forehead, he straightened up and went on with full gumption, the door closed, “And this little missy! Miyako, here!” Kaito said, pointing accusatorilly at their daughters little nose, Miyako suckling at her pacifier, unconcerned with dads outrage, “Stole Maki’s doll! She’s a little baby thief! A little baby phantom thief! She definitely gets that from you, ‘Kichi. You and Shuichi, now that I think about it. Little baby thieves!”

As Kaito animatedly recounted the tales of his day with the kids, something in Kokichi eased a bit. They’d had unimaginably terrible things happen to them, yeah, and they were still learning consequences from ‘em all the time. But, at the end of the day…they were just people. Just a family. Getting to the point where they had to teach their kids about boundaries and nutrition. 

As Kaito set him down, Kokichi shrugged of his backpack and unlooped his sidebag from his shoulders before standing up, shaking his head a little at Miyako. “Of all the things to pass on, huh? Gonna have to teach Miss Miya the thieves code, if she insists on going down that road.”

With a small sigh, he came up to kiss Kaito’s arm before reaching out to cradle Miyako’s back through the sling. “...sounds like you all had a really full day. It does sound like it was fun, though.”

“I’m…sorry, I’m not at my best, right now… I know taking care of the kids isn’t a chore, but…” He sighed. “...you doin’ okay?”

“You had a tough trip, and a tough couple of days on top of that.” Kaito said, carefully undoing the baby sling as he laid Miyako out on the changing table, freeing her from her bonds as he shrugged, “I’m okay~ Like I said, I missed you guys. When I had half a second to get the chance to not think about chasing dogs and little baby thieves~”

… Kaito would bring it up someday. Maybe. But Kokichi had literal bags under his eyes. Kaito wanted to stand up for himself, but he didn’t want to be fucking cruel. It was just a bad time. He was never going to just spring it on Kokichi first thing anyway. They’d talk about it someday. If it still mattered later.

“Miyakoooo~ Daddy’s probably going to want to lay down in a bit, but do you want some daddy cuddle time first?” Kaito coo’d to her, picking her back up now that she was free and bringing her over to Kokichi, “Here, babe, I’ll trade you a baby for a backpack. I can get started unpacking for you, just take a minute.”

…it wasn’t exactly a lie. But…Kokichi did get the sense there was something else Kaito wanted to talk to him about. Something serious. But…evidently, not something time sensitive. Sure, Kaito got a little petty sometimes about keeping secrets from them (for good reason) but…it didn’t feel like stubbornness. 

Just more reason to try and pull himself together. 

Sighing softly, Kokichi gave both Kaito and Miyako a soft look before giving his husband a nod as he accepted their daughter. “I appreciate it, hun. I did promise sooomeone some quality Daddy time.”

Kokichi, gently rocking Miyako in his arms, sat on the edge of their bed again and placed a soft kiss against Miyako’s head. “Miiiiiya… Hello, Miyako. I missed you, baby. It was pretty unfair for Daddy and Dada and Auntie to be so far away when you wanted us, huh?”

And a promise was a promise, so Kokichi started softly humming to his daughter, holding her close and finding peace in that. 

Kaito left him to it for a while, just unloading Kokichi’s backpack. Putting his used clothes in the bin, his toiletries back. Kokichi humming in the background as Miyako made soft, little baby sounds. Kaito was going to ask about what, exactly, had happened soon, but just wanted to give Kokichi a moment to get his head straight.

Though, he heard the door unlock, and Kaito was quick to get up and go help as Maki pulled Shuichi’s now much heavier luggage bag into the room. “Wow, you were not kidding, huh.” Kaito chuckled, giving Shuichi an exasperated look as he took the luggage from Maki, feeling the weight of it. “Did you buy out the store?”

“It’s just a few books, they’re just all on the heavier side.” Shuichi said, a tad defensively, before heading over to Kokichi and Miyako. “You rushed ahead.” Shuichi ever so mildly chastised, giving Kokichi a small kiss, before leaning down to give Miyako a small kiss on her forehead. Tucking his hair behind his ear so she couldn’t grab at it, though she gave it an enthusiastic swipe. “How are you feeling?” he whispered to Kokichi.

Kokichi gave Shuuichi an apologetic look, more life to his eyes now, though they were just as tired. “Sorry…” He did think they were right behind him, at first, but they were still finagling things when he met Kaito in the hall. And Kokichi just… He wanted to come upstairs. Be somewhere comfortable and familiar. 

Having Miyako in his arms did wonders beyond that too. Like Shuuichi had used her as an example before, there was no greater sign that they were in the future, that they had made it through all the tribulations still standing, than her. 

“...better,” Kokichi whispered back, angling Miyako so she could see Shuuichi better without him having to lean over all the way, even if she was in drowsy baby hours. “...thank you, a lot. I’m sorry to put you through something scary.”

“Panic attacks happen.” Shuichi said, running his finger lightly over Miyako’s face. Miyako blinking heavily up at him. Mmmm… Food Smell… “And, regardless of what Maki thinks, I think how you reacted was brave.”

Shuichi gave Kokichi a small smile, soft and fond as he said quietly, “You thought there was danger, and stood between us and it. That’s very brave. Thank you for even when you were terrified, thinking of us.”

“Hey, how worried should I be?” Kaito whispered to Maki, as the two of them pretended like opening up Shuichi’s luggage was a two person job. “Kokichi looks wrecked.”

“Mmm,” Maki glanced over her shoulder at Kokichi and Shuichi, before whispering back, “Honestly not as worried as he looks. He had a flashback. Just talk to him about it, he’s shaken, not in any actual danger.”

“You’re certain? …alright, alright, I’m sorry I asked, I know you’re certain.” Kaito rolled his eyes as Maki glared daggers at him, “Timothy’s eaten, but he wants to go with Cali and Kimiko to the lake today. I was gonna drop him off and pick him up, cause Tsumugi’s gonna be there, but…”

“Sure, I’ll do it.” Maki said, before looking over her shoulder, “Shuichi, want to go on a walk to the lake? I’m heading there and back, dropping off Tim.”

Shuichi hesitated at that. Wanting to stay and be here for Kokichi, but also very aware that, well… sometimes Kaito alone could be a pretty stabilizing presence… “...no, that’s alright. I’m going to rest here.”

Maki nodded at that, heading out. Kaito staring down at the open luggage and whistling, “In what world is this not a lot of books, Shuichi?”

“We visited a few stores.” Shuichi admitted, putting his arms around Kokichi and hugging him.

Kokichi gave Shuuichi a small, sad smile. He had been unable to do anything at the coast. What words and motions he’d manage had been ignored, and he hadn’t been able to do anything physically. He had been able to leave that sign for Shuuichi, and arguably that might’ve saved his life, along with Aba’s, but…

…maybe he should just be thankful for that. Not feeling like enough would just…make everything feel worse. And he really doubted he would’ve been able to fight any of the Brockmans anyway. If he’d put up a fight, and they’d had to knock him out, maybe that would’ve just made everything worse. 

Even trying to think more positively, though, no matter what people said to him…it always felt like their lives had been on him. 

In the midst of terror…he just couldn’t bear for anyone else to get hurt. Maybe that really was brave. 

Leaning into Shuuichi’s hug, Kokichi nodded slowly. “We ended up leaving the funeral a little early, so we got to walk around Corbra for a while. It’s such a gorgeous town, Kai-chan…we should all visit together someday.”

“Little sunset town~” Kaito mused, looking over the bookshelves as he tried to work out how the new books were going to fit. He’d have to move some figurines… “We will! It looked nice, could be a nice overnight or weekend date spot!”

“I’m not sure you’d appreciate the bird scene.” Shuichi admitted, contently still just holding Kokichi, having no immediate plans to do anything else. “There was a… lot of them.”

“Shuichi, give me more credit than that, just cause I don’t want a pet bird doesn’t mean I don’t think they’re pretty. Ya know… out in the wild. Away from me. At a distance.” Kaito shook his head a little, starting to put the books up, “What about… well, the funeral? How did that go?” He asked cautiously, not sure what exactly had triggered Kokichi’s panic attack, but guessing the funeral was a part of it. “Was there a good attendance?”

“That’s a bit of an understatement. I think the town literally shut down for it.” Shuichi said, as Miyako started to make small, sleepy snuffling sounds, “You would have thought attendance was required, it was so packed.”

Kokichi smiled a bit as Miyako fell asleep, but he was happy to keep holding her, not wanting Shuuichi to stop holding him. Being surrounded by his family was…good. 

“I’m pretty sure everyone in Corbra knew Keita, and that’s not even counting people who came from out of town,” Kokichi said softly, resting his head against Shuuichi. “It was…it was really nice. People told so many amazing stories about his life…I’m happy I had the chance to know him.”

Huffing a small laugh, Kokichi looked over at Kaito. “A lot of his old volleyball students were there, and they organized a game after the speeches. I showed it to Miya for a while, when she was havin’ some trouble yesterday. I think she liked it.”

“Ooooh, is that what that was? Yeah, she randomly just got really excited and kicky. But, to be fair, it happened at a great time for me. Miyako was a very unhappy baby, a few times since you guys have been gone.” Kaito admitted, looking over his shoulder at her, Miyako perfectly content to sleep quietly now. Little jerk baby, being all cute. “I think she missed you all. And I’m pretty convinced she had a nightmare last night too.”

“Do infants have nightmares?” Shuichi asked, giving Miyako a small, worried pout.

“I woke up to her whimpering to herself. Got the impression she was too spooked to cry out, till she saw me come get her.” Kaito explained, moving some of his figurines to the top of the bookcase, filling in another empty slot with a new book. “Maybe she was just feeling tense from you guys being away. She was okay again not that long after, I had Little Lamb do some goofy stuff till she was chilled out.”

“Right… what’s in her crib?” Shuichi said, peering across the room, “...isn’t that Maki’s dinosaur?”

“Is that what that’s supposed to be?? I thought it was an evil frog. With horns. And teeth.”

“Oh, Miya…” Kokichi softly murmured, giving his daughter a mildly worried look. They knew their absences were probably going to be difficult in some manner for Miya, and…well, Kokichi wasn’t really sure when nightmares started, but it had to be really scary and unsettling for an infant. Just pure distilled fear, since they didn’t have many concepts to make into metaphors. 

“That’s something to keep an eye on…poor baby,” Kokichi sighed, before sending a loving look over to Kaito. “I’m happy you could soothe her alright. Mi-Mi’s already learning that Dad’s a reliable guy.” Kokichi took comfort in all of his family members when he was scared (at least these days) but Kaito really did have something special. 

Laughing softly, Kokichi craned his neck to try and get a look in the crib. “I mean…what are dinosaurs but evil frogs with horns and teeth… Ah, Miya’s haul from her great phantom thief escapade. So I’m guessing that happened, like…just before we came home.”

“The theft? Oh, absolutely. I was giving Miyako a morning bath cause I figured you guys were going to want to get all cuddly with a clean baby, and I guess I mentioned it off hand. She must have been poking around in dad’s head when I thought about it, cause next thing I know? Timothy’s showing up with it, saying he ‘just felt like’ bringing it to her.” Kaito sighed, shaking his head, “Now me and him are gonna apologize to Maki for me ‘asking him’ to break into her room to get it… ya know. Later. After he’s already had a fun day with his friends.”

“She’ll understand. It’s hard to say no to Miyako when she’s decided she wants you to do something.” Shuichi said, giving Miyako a small sigh, “She’ll learn someday, but for now? Just one of the things that comes with her.”

“Alright, that should do it.” Kaito mused, fitting the last of the books in. Taking a break from unpacking, Kaito headed back to them, “Here, speaking of the little baby, why don’t I put her to bed. She had a busy night, she’ll probably be sleepy all day.”

“Aw geez,” Kokichi softly murmured, shaking his head at the innocently sleeping infant. She’d already had one heartbreak, not having her parents coming to her the moment she wanted them; it must’ve been really pleasing to get the doll she wanted immediately. Well…they’d work on it. And do their best to field confusion from the other people that got roped into her whims. 

Looking up as Kaito came over, Kokichi nodded slightly and got up from Shuuichi’s embrace. “As much as I’d love to just hold her all through nap time…yeah. She’d probably be more comfy in bed. Lemme…”

Walking lightly, Kokichi went over to her crib, gently laying Miyako in and tucking her in with her light blankets. Enough to feel secure, not enough to feel stifling in the heat of summer. 

They really were lucky that she had been born in late spring. Got to spend the most uncertain baby months while the weather was warm. With how much she seemed to love the sun, Kokichi hoped it wasn’t too much of an unpleasant shock when the cold winds came. He hoped she would love snow as much as he did.

Once she was down…Kokichi just stood for a moment, as if he didn’t know what to do with himself. He toed his shoes off, shuffling them off to a wall before heading back over to the bed, crawling back in to Shuuichi’s side. “...m glad to be home.”

Kaito watched Kokichi put their daughter to bed and then, just… deflate. Looking listless and lost, before coming back to Shuichi. 

Running his hand through his hair, Kaito sighed before going to sit down at Kokichi’s other side. Leaning back onto his palms before nudging his shoulder into Kokichi’s, “Alright. Who’s going to tell me what happened? Come on, Kai-chan wants in on the cuddling pile, but I feel like I need some context here to be, like, prime cuddle material.”

Kokichi looked over and put a gentle hand on Kaito’s back before he just…stared into nothing. Blinking a few times before he sighed, and began to speak in a soft voice. “...there was a snake in the road. Spooked the horses while we were on the road back, and the carriage stopped suddenly. And I…just…”

Kokichi’s face dropped into a deep, ashamed frown. “...I freaked out. It…it felt just like when I was kidnapped. There was something in the road, the carriage stopped…” He shook his head a little, unwilling to go into it more just yet.

Kaito almost made a joke about snakes being a menace… but he didn’t have much enthusiasm for it even as it occurred to him, a small, concerned frown twisting his features, before he let out a small huff of breath. 

Reaching around Kokichi’s shoulder, grasping Shuichi too, Kaito pulled them both against him. Using his size in his favorite way, as he laid his arm around them heavily, a wall between them and the world, as he rested his chin over the top of Kokichi’s head. Wanting to show them love, as he glared over the top of their heads, frustrated at that memory. What a fucking awful day…

“... you all were together, though?” Kaito asked, brow furrowed. “Were you able to support each other?”

“We tried, but really, it was King Aiichi who stepped up the most.” Shuichi admitted, snuggling into Kokichi’s other side, “You’d have been pleased, Kaito. He finally managed to earn back a point or two, at least with Maki and I. But Maki and I… Maki tried to arm him, and I just tried to speak softly to him. I’m sure we both helped a little, but the flashback was really bad. We couldn’t seem to cut through.”

Kokichi took a deep breath, finding comfort in being squished between his partners. He was far past the worst of it, even the worst today, but…it still lingered over him like a cloud, or particularly stubborn fog. That haze of fear and helplessness…

But it was over. And they were okay. And it was okay to not feel okay. 

“You did help, just by being there,” Kokichi said quietly, putting an arm around Shuuichi’s waist. “I knew I was safe, the second I could think, because you were there.”

“...my father did help, though. Did the whole, ‘things you can see, things you can touch’ exercise. Didn’t…quite get through it all, but…I was okay.” Frowning, Kokichi sighed again. “...well. Not okay. But…yanno. Cried for a while until I fell asleep.”

“Eh, sometimes that’s a decent way to get some rest.” Kaito joked slightly, placing a kiss against Kokichi’s head, before wrapping his arms more around his husband specifically. Announcing to the world, “Stealing him!” As he fell backwards onto the bed, dragging Kokichi on top of himself as he did.

“Hey, Kaito. Don’t be greedy.” Shuichi chastised, bringing up his leg as he went to seat himself closer to them.

“Who’s greedy? You got him all day yesterday and this morning!” Kaito insisted, wrapping his arms around Kokichi’s back and hips, placing little kisses against his face before hugging him tightly to himself, “And he had a tough ride home. Doesn’t ‘Kichi get to enjoy some decent peck action for all that trouble? What the hell do I keep it all up for if not stuff like this?” Kaito asked, patting Kokichi’s back sympathetically. 

Kokichi smiled softly as Kaito fell with him, turning his face to the side to avoid any pointy chin mishaps. He’d had a shitty time…but now he was home with his wonderful family. What could be better than that?

Humming in agreement, Kokichi nuzzled into those prime pecs, enjoying the feeling of Kaito holding him close. “True. Miya’s service is enough on its own, but I’m happy to reap the benefits too. The pillows at the hotel we stayed at were nice enough, but not much compares to Kai-chan.”

“Maybe Shuu-chan shoulders,” Kokichi winked, looking over his shoulder at Shuuichi. “Gives me more curves and nooks to kiss into too.”

Shuichi gave a small, shy blush at that… and then blanched as Kaito hummed, “I dunno what you’re talking about babe. It’s all about those hips and ass. Sort of meat you can grab and toss around, use as levera–ow!”

“Kokichi’s was cute, stop trying to make it sexy!” Shuichi insisted, a scandalized flush on his face, having twisted Kaito’s ear in a move Maki would have nodded approvingly of. “Honestly, we’re gone for one day.”

“Handsome, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you being gone for a day is not the reason I think your ass is sex– ‘Kichi, make him stooop!” Kaito whined, as Shuichi went to cuff him again. Trying and entirely failing to try to duck his head behind where Kokichi was resting on him, attempting to use his husband as a shield.

Kokichi huffed a small laugh and he slid himself up Kaito’s body more, providing more mass to shield Kaito’s delicate ears from the onslaught of righteous fury. “Shuu-chan’s ass is very sexy…but that wasn’t what I was talking about. My favorite places to cuddle into to, with you guys; the kind of place I like wakin’ up in the morning and knowing that we can still sleep in for a bit… Shuu-chan’s shoulders, and Kai-chan’s chest.”

“...but Kai-chan has spent a day away,” Kokichi pouted at Shuuichi, propping up his forearms on either side of Kaito’s head to protect his ears. “Not even one freebie?”

“Awwwwwww, oh no, that is cute.” Kaito grinned, his delighted look only amplified as he chuckled at suddenly having his ears covered. “Oooh, am I getting a ‘get out of pinches’ free card?”

Shuichi, idly rubbing the tips of his fingers up and down Kokichi’s back and over his shoulders, gave a small, entirely theatrical sigh, “...one.”

“...okay but I’ve been dreaming about watching that ass jiggle as you throw it back onto my–”

Shuichi took a pillow and tried to smother Kaito with it. Face beat red. 

-

The day went on in a relatively mellow fashion. Miyako mostly napped, proving Kaito’s prediction true, Kokichi and Shuuichi decompressed from the trip, Shuuichi graciously allowed Kaito to live. Kaito returned Maki’s doll when she got back from the lake, and eventually Shuuichi left, wanting to check on Nini. 

So…late in the afternoon left Kokichi and Kaito alone (mostly, if you wanted to count a snoozing baby) in their room. Kokichi had taken a midday shower and was curled up in a chair, working on the latest puzzle on the table in the corner. 

He was feeling a lot better, but…something like reading or drawing, or even just finding someone to go hang out with just…didn’t feel like something he was up to. It was nice, mindlessly sorting through puzzle pieces and getting that little burst of achievement when he found some that fit together. 

Twirling one piece around in his fingers as his eyes roamed the frame already down, Kokichi hummed softly. “...it really was a good trip. The end of it didn’t…spoil that.”

Kaito had come to sit with Kokichi with the vague intent of helping him out with the puzzle, and was being decidedly unhelpful as instead he had found himself with a self-made challenge of trying to stack the pieces closest to himself into small, little cardhouses. Sometimes the jagged, misshapen ends made it easier to lean the pieces together. Other times it seemed his tiny little towers were doomed to fall the second his fingers left them. He had been quietly at it for about fifteen minutes now, more and more determined to make it work the less and less it did.

“I’m glad for that… Shuichi and Maki both called it a ‘flashback’.” Kaito observed, glancing at Kokichi before returning to look at his already doomed base of his next tiny tower. “...has that happened before?”

…

Aha! Oh, that was a tricky one, the colors didn’t seem anywhere near similar enough when viewed separately. That’d probably be handy later on. 

“...sometimes,” Kokichi said softly, but without the tender, dejected tone that had followed through his voice before. “Not often. More often it’s just…like waking up from a nightmare, and still being partially in it. But for a flashback…sometimes. Just…when I’d be in a similar enough situation to something.”

“I’ve talked to Dr. Egami about it…but they were never frequent enough for me to describe well. Honestly, I thought it was something that I’d just…grown out of, in a sense. Hasn’t happened in years.”

Careful, careful… come on, get that second part of the to– aw. Kaito didn’t give himself a second to lament the loss of his first tower though, immediately restarting as he tried different pieces. These two looked promising… 

“... so, this morning was remembering the day you got kidnapped.” Kaito said, once again, a strike of frustration at that memory, “...can I ask what the last one was? You don’t have to tell me, I just…I guess I just want to make certain I’m keeping aware. Of what kind of stuff can trigger that in you. But you don’t have to tell me.”

Kokichi nodded gently, looking through some of the pieces that Kaito didn’t have in front of him. Didn’t wanna put a delay on tower building. “I think…I was probably 13 or 14? So…that’s what I mean when I say it hasn’t happened in a while.”

“...I was walking around the backyard, and it started to rain. Like…when you only feel a raindrop or two before it starts coming down. And…I froze. Nothing else was the same, but…it kept feeling like that day that guy jumped from the observatory. Katsuki eventually found me on patrol, after I’d gotten soaked in the downpour. Had a nasty cold after that.”

“Hmmmm… my poor ‘Kichi.” Kaito sighed, rubbing his temple as his tower fell again. Maybe he should resign himself to the less frustrating world of ‘using puzzle pieces correctly’. At least there he knew it was possible to win.

… one more try.

Kaito’s tower immediately fell again, and as he assured himself this was the last try as he restarted, he said, “I mean, I’d ask what the common factor was, but, well… fudge, babe, it’d be weird if you didn’t have flashbacks to that sorta stuff. That’s the sort of thing that stains into your brain like a damn tattoo… I honestly don’t even know how I’d function, dealing with what you did.” Kaito admitted, carefully putting some pieces together as he confessed further, “Probably would have broken a lot of shit. Stuff. Things.”

“... I wish there was something I could say or do that would stop those from ever happening, but I’ve been dealing with Shuichi’s panic attacks long enough to know there’s not a real cure all solution for that sort of thing. So… in the future?” Kaito asked, looking to Kokichi, “Something happens, and you just, poof, vanish into your head, all lost in there and stuff… how do you want it to be handled? Any requests? Recommendations? And it’s okay if the answer is ‘how the heck should I know’. It can be something we work on.”

Kokichi nodded slightly. It turned out, when you experienced trauma, you ended up traumatized. There just…wasn’t any turning back the clock, or ways to find the silver lining in them. Just ways to keep the dark cloud from being all you could see. 

And having people offer to help with that meant a lot. 

Giving Kaito a loving, thankful look, Kokichi gently nudged his foot with his own under the table. “Thank you, Kai-chan. And…yeah. I assume there’s prolly gonna be some trial and error…especially since it happens so infrequently to me.” And hopefully that would stay the case. 

“But…I think what my father did was good. Just…staying with me, and making sure I’m safe, and slowly trying to pull me back out of my head.” Kokichi blinked slowly down at the puzzle for a moment. “...I…couldn’t remember where I was, for a bit. Where we were going. But…Shuu-chan started talking about Miya, and how great her laughs are… And it was like…oh yeah. Miya’s been born, that’s where we are, we’re okay, because we make our baby laugh. And…that helped a lot.”

“Patience, safety, small, easy reminders of where and when you are… more than doable!” Kaito grinned at Kokichi, giving him a small thumbs up, “Piece of cake! Next time it happens, if it’s tonight or ten years, we’ve got this! No need to worry, ‘Kichi!”

“And, for the carriage stuff…” Kaito went back to puzzling over the pieces, spreading them idly around now that he was actually trying to help with the puzzle a little, “...man, I don’t know. I can yell at whoever’s driving to make the trip as smooth as possible in all my haughty, Momota dignity, buuuuut somehow I don’t think that will mean we never have anything unexpected on a carriage ride… I guess we just have to be ready in case something like that happens again. Maybe see if we can’t bring a comfort item or something with us next time we go on a longer carriage trip, like… emergency candy or something.”

Kaito blinked, “I said that partly as a joke, but you love candy. Maybe shoving candy under your nose would work. Like… bathsalts… we’ll call it ‘Kokichi Wakeup Protocol Number 22’.”

Kokichi grinned back, feeling at ease. He really appreciated what his father and Maki and Shuuichi had done for him, and feeling that innate sense of safety upon seeing them really helped him. But…it felt even better having a plan in place. Would probably help the people who wanted to help him too, since they wouldn’t have to try things out on the spot. 

Sighing a little, Kokichi shook his head as he snapped a piece into the frame. “I mean…I don’t blame Nazumi for what happened. I don’t remember it as well, but…she came to tell us what happened really quickly. Helped framed things as a ‘Kokichi problem’ rather than a ‘world problem’. And…yeah. Things like that happen during travel.”

But they weren’t actually completely left to the whims of chance. Having something on standby to help calm him? …that was a really good idea.

Giggling, Kokichi looked up to give his husband a wink. “I mean, I’m not gonna strike that from the list right away. I really hope there won’t be another chance to test it…but we can keep it in mind.”

“...though, if that’s 22, what are the other 21 wake up methods?” he asked, giving Kaito an adoring teasing look.

“Various sexy touches and butt stuff that, just my luck, we’re not going to have enough privacy or Shuichi approval to try.” Kaito sighed, shaking his head, “I’m pretty sure I’m skilled enough to cure trauma with fingering alone, if someone would just give me the chance. But it’s like no one else finds deep, overwhelming sadness a setting for a ‘good time’.”

Looking grave, he admitted, “Plan 12 is maybe taking that idea over the top, I’ll admit. I wrote plan 12 tipsy and with my inhibitions completely abandoned, I don’t feel like anyone should hold me responsible for Plan 12 existing.” Kaito said, shaking his head with some level of regret, before chuckling to himself, “Plan 23 is Plan 22 not working but we get ice cream later anyway to make up for it.”

Kokichi snorted softly. 

In reality? The thought of someone trying to snap him out of a traumatized fugue with sex was horrifying. But…it wasn’t even a joke that would normalize that kind of stuff. It was just a joke. 

“I think I can approve Plan 23,” Kokichi chuckled. “Even if I don’t always have the stomach for things, when I’m upset. But an ice cream trip when the dust is settled? I’m all about it.”

Swinging his feet a little in the air, Kokichi let out a little hum. “...we had these special pastries for breakfast this morning, before we headed out. They’re called croffles… It’s a croissant, but with all the little grooves of a waffle. I had a strawberry one, it was really good.”

“Sort of good that’s worth me trying to find the recipe?” Kaito asked, lighting up as he finally found a place to stick a piece in. Snapping it into shape with a satisfied little hum, before giving Kokichi an eager look, “Hey, I’ve heard all about the bummer stuff. You promised me good stories too! I wanna hear all about this trip, croffles and weird birds and all!”

“Maybe,” Kokichi giggled. “Though I seem to remember you declaring a vendetta against croissant dough, and it seems like a croffle would be even more difficult. And to be honest, I’d never heard of them before this morning.”

Giving Kaito an adoring look, Kokichi nodded, getting started on telling Kaito all the things he had been excited to when they’d packed up the carriage that morning. 

-

Kaito was waiting outside the front lobby of the office building, waiting on his family. They had had an extra few minutes before their appointment was set to start, and Shuichi and Kokichi had managed to talk each other into going and getting smoothies on the warm summer day. 

The sun was beaming down today. It was warm, even for Kaito– though thankfully nothing like the heat wave from a month or so earlier– and as he waited for his guys and Maki to come back, he wiped some sweat off of his hairline with his palm. It was hot that day… maybe he should suggest they not do this on the roof. He knew they only did it because of his, like… ‘thing’. With offices. Something he and Miss Crystal had started talking about a little. Kaito was, finally, starting to let her know more stuff about his relationship with Byakuya and the Head Secretary. He hadn’t told her a lot, but he was getting better about it. 

It was hard, telling someone he respected, stuff like that. He knew it wasn’t, but… there was a very real part of him that still thought most of that had been his fault. He had let it happen. He could have done something, instead of just waiting for someone else to fix it. Byakuya had eventually fixed it…

Maki had thought Theor was already born. Kaito had had to correct her, later, after making certain she hadn’t found out something terrible that he hadn’t been aware of. But, no, she had just gotten the dates wrong. Theor would be a winter baby. Kaito hoped Byakuya and Marigold were doing alright…

His musings– all mostly swirling around the idea that he really should tell his family it was alright for them to have a session indoors, he’d be fine– were interrupted as a man like sunrise stepped out of the building, all bright yellows and oranges, sighing into the warm sun… and Kaito watched with interest as the man, looking around, before he pulled out of his pockets a small pouch, heading to the side of the building.

……Kaito couldn’t help himself. Smirking as he went to follow him, seeing the guy duck behind a series of disposal bins and chuckling as he, after a moment, saw a little line of smoke. Heading over and, carefully pulling himself up the square disposal bin the guy was hiding behind, peeked down from over him. The guy squatting down, nursing a cigarette. 

“You are, legitimately, the very first Dicean I’ve ever seen smoking.” Kaito told him cheerfully from above.

“Gah! Ah!” The man shouted, first out of surprise, and then a wince of pain as he accidently burned his hand on the end of the bud that he had been cupping against himself. “Dammit… what was that for!?”

“Sorry,” Kaito lied, chuckling as the man stood up and glared at him, sitting on the waste box like he really had any business being there, “I used to smoke for a bit. Don’t anymore, quit basically as soon as I started, but I still love the smell. Couldn’t help coming over to get a whiff.”

The man huffed, throwing the cigarette on the ground and stomping it out… and Kaito couldn’t help but chuckle as he watched the guy then pick it up, now that it was safely out, and opened up the other side of the bin to chuck it in. Diceans were so damn clean. “You didn’t have to stop on my behalf.”

“This isn’t a smoking area.” The guy muttered, glaring at him… before his eyes widened, “Kaito Momota? Don’t you have an appointment in five minutes?”

“Is this where you go when you dodge us all the time?” Kaito asked, scratching the back of his neck as the man blustered at that, looking around the dump area, “I mean, fair enough, but I always imagined you were off eating or something. Or hiding under the desk. We seriously considered that at one point.”

“I’m not dodging you.” The man lied, looking far too insulted for what was a very accurate accusation, “This is just when I take my break.”

“You wanna tell me why you’ve spoken to us all of once in the last, easily, six months we’ve been coming here?” Kaito grinned.

The man’s eyes narrowed. Before, without a word, he walked off. Clearly done with this conversation. Kaito sighed, watching him go. Damn it. Why’d they always walk away? Kaito gave the retreating figure a disappointed look, having been looking forward to finding out what this guys issue with them was, but, well… he guessed he’d just have to keep taking Dr. Mariah’s word for it. A fan-crush turned awkward. 

Oh well. He should head back anyway, he didn’t really have time to try to meet new people anyway. Hopping off the bin, he headed back around the building, spotting his family in front of the building with their new smoothies, looking around for him.”Sorry! Wandered!” Kaito called to them, heading over.

Kokichi’s face cleared up from the mild worry he’d been looking around with, happily bounding over to Kaito to meet him halfway, even if they were just heading back to the building anyway. “Kai-chan! You gotta try this--it’s a mango-cherry-dragonfruit smoothie! It’s super interesting, like making a whole new fruit flavor.”

He knew he wasn’t…all that okay, still. He was more embarrassed than rattled by his flashback the other day now, and he still had some of that gloom from the revelations before the trip, but…well, he was functional now, and that was step one. Going over everything in therapy would probably get them to step two, at least. 

Holding open the door for his family to step into the office--and then skipping forward to also hold the secret passage door open--Kokichi gave Dr. Mariah a grin and a wave as they stepped out onto the roof, the sun beating down. “Good afternoon, Dr. Mariah! Hope you’ve been well in the heat.”

Dr. Mariah, having just finished washing her hands from feeding the Koi Fish, sighed as she brushed her long, dark ponytail off her shoulder, giving them all a small nod as she said, “Welcome. I have been, though as you can see I’ve had to put aside my signature look for the day. Layered dresses are only tolerable to a point, in weather like this.”

“I think it’s cute.” Kaito complimented, Dr. Mariah’s new outfit no less extra or elaborate than the dresses, though there was considerably less of it as she wore poofy, high shorts and a floofy, white button up with frills and bows around the wrists and high collar, all matching and color coordinated to go with her hair bows and the little bows on her high socks. Dr. Mariah was many things, and a woman who meticulously planned out her outfits was one of them. 

She still looked unreasonably young, but admittedly it was hard for Kaito to see it anymore. 

Still, he felt bad as he saw the line of sweat glistening on her skin, as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Hey, so… I was thinking about this while I was waiting for you all. It’s hot today. I’m not gonna, like… freak out or anything stupid if we just used the downstairs office.”

“You ‘freaking out’ was never the reason we started this practice, Kaito.” Dr. Mariah said, going over to pour some iced water into long glasses, “If anything, it’s the opposite problem. You close up and don’t feel okay to participate, and all pressure to compel you to participate only closes you up more. Your progress during these sessions went leaps and bounds, after moving spaces. It was a more than worthwhile change, and one I’d hesitate to revert.”

“Sure, but… not permanently go back to the downstairs office, I mean just today. It’s just hot. And, like, there will be days where it’s way too cold to be out here too that I’m going to be whining about us going inside.” Kaito chuckled, looking to the others as he shrugged, “I just don’t want to keep everyone sweating out here when there’s really no need to. What do you guys think?”

“I can believe it,” Kokichi softly laughed in sympathy. His favorite styles--barring his love of big sweaters--was kind of perfect for warm weather, but it was always frustrating when the weather didn’t suit your favorite clothes. Though, there were those among them that didn’t exactly let the weather stop them… Such brave, foolish souls. 

Kokichi gave Kaito a mildly surprised look, as he suggested having their session indoors that day. Sure, it was the kind of hot that made even sun-seekers want to get under shade, but…Dr. Mariah had a point. It was easiest for them all--more pointedly Kaito, but Kokichi did enjoy the rooftop too--to express themselves out in the open. But…

Hmmm…

“What…if we start up here, then if anyone gets too hot, or we come to our first break, whichever comes first, we move to the office--if that’s alright, Dr. Mariah,” he nodded to their therapist. “The chairs do provide some shade on their own, so…it’s not like it’s unbearable up here. And that way…we can still get a little freedom, without roasting ourselves.”

Dr. Mariah, who didn’t think Kaito was ready to end up back in an office environment anyway, nodded as she passed around the glasses of water to everyone’s little side tables, where oranges had also been left in small bowls. More little defenses against the heat, as she nodded, “That sounds quite alright with me. Shuichi, Maki?”

“Sounds fine.” Maki shrugged, not worried about it either way, as she sat down, bringing up her legs to sit criss cross.

“It is a bit warm, but I’m not going to faint or anything. Thank you for the water and fruit, by the way, that will certainly help.” Shuichi said, sitting down and immediately taking a sip of the water, before grabbing one of the oranges and starting to peel it.

“Alright, well, if you guys are sure.” Kaito said, taking a seat in his own… before getting up and quickly heading over to the pond, murmuring, “Just a quick little hello~”

“Now, if I recall, I did not give anyone homework, because I knew the funeral was coming up and that might be distracting.” Dr. Mariah mused, sitting down and settling in under the shade of the egg chair, “Upon reflection, that worked out better than expected, because that means we can dive right into what happened the other day. Before I start though, Kokichi. Without going into detail, is everyone present aware of exactly what your emergency session three days ago was about?”

With his own thanks, Kokichi curled up in his egg, protecting his sunscreened legs from the sun regardless. His smoothie would probably be what he’d be sipping on most, but it was important to drink a lot of water in the heat, and he wasn’t gonna say no to fresh fruit. 

And with that, they got right to business. Taking a breath to prepare himself, Kokichi gave Dr. Mariah a nod. “Yeah, we talked about it together. Well…my stuff at least.”

Kokichi gave his husband an apologetic look. “Since I…kind of melted down in the middle of it, and then, like, perpetually afterward…we never really got to talk about your side of things, Kai-chan. I’m sorry.”

Kaito shrugged at that, taking Shuichi’s cue and grabbing one of the oranges for himself. Picking at the skin a bit as he said, “We were all affected by your thing, Kokichi, it’s not really a ‘just you’ problem. What affects you, especially like that, is an ‘all of us’  problem.”

Dr. Mariah tilted her head, “Now, Kaito, when you say ‘your thing’ and ‘like that’, could you please be clear about what specifically you’re talking about. Vague, workaround words, even if it's implied everyone is in the know, aren’t always helpful for discussion. Especially for emotional honesty.”

“...” Kaito shrugged, “I mean the fact that Kokichi’s going to… not get to spend as much time with us as I would have liked. Which, heh, not like that was never going to not be the case, for me. I’d keep all of you forever, if I could.” Kaito chuckled, looking a little tired.

“Good. Shuichi, Maki? You both are the ones I know almost nothing on your views on this. You’ve both never expressed much interest in the concept of afterlives or the gods or…” Dr. Mariah paused, a small, mildly surprised look on her face, “...I suppose we’ve never actually discussed, as a group, the effects that Kokichi’s illness’s have on the group. That feels like a fairly serious oversight, on my part.”

“If I may, I’ve always thought that we’ve spent so much time dealing with the realities of our various physical issues that it’s never felt like a pressing conversation, here.” Shuichi offered, taking off his hand and using it as a pseudo fan, “We usually discuss here things we struggle to talk about on our own. I don’t know if any of us have ever shied away from talking about Kokichi’s medical issues.”

“That’s true, and I’m not saying we shouldn’t have talked about my soul,” Kokichi gave Kaito a soft look, “But…we still should’ve talked about your shards, and the things they told us, more than just the passing ruminations between you, me, and my mentor while we were in the thick of it.”

He had just…gotten overdramatic. And never really gave anyone the chance to talk about Kaito’s things, because…well, Kokichi had been channeling his great-grandfather, and then having a depressive episode, and then gone, and then dealing with a severe panic attack. Things that did deserve immediate attention, but…it did feel shitty, that they’d never gotten to circle back. 

They never even got to talk to Caleb. 

But…well, they could get into everything one at a time, he guessed. 

Kokichi nodded a bit at Shuuichi’s claim. “Yeah… Some of the first serious group discussions that weren’t about catching a poisoner were about my health. And…it’s not like I can really hide it, when I get sick, or have issues. It’s…a present reality of my life, so we’ve talked about it.”

Dr. Mariah nodded slightly at that, tapping at the journal in her lap. “I see. Well, then my previous question stands. Shuichi, Maki? How did the last few days treat you, in regards to all of this?”

“... I think there was a part of me, this entire time, who thought that keeping Kokichi long term was… unrealistic.” Shuichi admitted, though he looked half guilty to say it. Like speaking it would will it into being, “Even when I thought it was true. It didn’t feel it. In truth, I think I still have a hard time conceptualizing the afterlife in the same way. If someone told me today that we had all been purposefully mislead, and that in truth none of us got longer than our physical lives together, I’d be sad, but… a part of me would nod, like ‘of course’. And that’s what finding out about Kokichi’s reincarnation cycle felt like. Not that the fact that he’s a reincarnation is an ‘of course’ moment, but the idea that he won’t get to spend eternity, for whatever that means, with us… I’m sorry.” He said, not looking at anyone in particular as he said, just a generally regretful look on his face, “That feels cruel to say. It was just how I felt. Just… of course not.”

“You do have a predisposition to accepting difficulties for what they are, Shuichi. And that’s not a trait you should feel a need to apologize for.” Dr. Mariah said, “While complacency is the vice most commonly associated with that thought process, that’s just one extreme end of it. The ability to accept the world around you as it presents itself to you is an otherwise admirable skill, and it’s in moments like these, where acceptance really is the way forward, that those traits shine. You live in the reality of the moment. You were just as calm and accepting, as far as I could tell, when magic was introduced into your life and the concept of gods proven. Accepting the realities of the bad as easily as you accept the good is not a failing or cruelty.”

“Thank you… it can feel cruel sometimes. Honestly, I think I have less ‘acceptance’ and more just ‘lack of imagination’.” Shuichi admitted, shrugging, “I couldn’t imagine a future with Miyako until she was literally in my arms. It’s just difficult for me to get invested in ideas or things until they’re right in front of me.”

“I understand. But, in terms of Kokichi’s most likely future with you?”

Shuichi paused, thinking about it… “I think I’ll be far more alarmed and sad, the closer that reality gets to me. For now though, it feels distant. And is still far better then the worst case scenario we were grappling with when we all first started this relationship, which was Kokichi, it felt like, dying and being entirely lost to us at literally any given moment. There was a time where, three heart attacks all happening one after another, it felt like Kokichi would perish within the year. Kaito insisting on even trying to plan for a lifetime felt… naive.”

Dr. Mariah’s eyes narrowed slightly at that, glancing at the group, “Oh?”

Kaito grinned tiredly, “Eighty. We’re aiming for eighty. Eighty feels reasonable. We’ll do it one year at a time.”

Dr. Mariah tapped at her knee now. Giving Shuichi and Kaito a considering look. One of them feeling like a year had been a reasonable guess, the other having apparently insisted on assuming a full lifespan… she looked to Kokichi. “Kokichi? I’m not intimately familiar, with your medical records. I won’t ask you to guess how long you have, as that would be wildly irresponsible without the verdict of a specialist. But for group communication, what feels like a reasonable expectation for your futures? As far as time together?”

“...that’s a stupid question.” Maki said, before anyone had a chance to say anything.

Shuuichi had said before that Kyouko had recommended him to only think about the present and immediate future as a way to prevent unnecessary anxiety. However…at this point, Kokichi would be inclined to believe that at least some of it was Shuuichi’s inherent personality…and no, he didn’t feel like getting into nurture versus nature debates again. 

Shuuichi was just…focused on the world, in both terms of time and space, right in front of him. Sometimes it meant that they would just…be unable to understand each other on certain subjects, at least emotionally. But other times, it meant that Shuuichi was far more realistic about what their lives and actions actually looked like. 

And speculating on how much time Kokichi had left…

Huffing softly, Kokichi gave Maki a half-amused look. “In one sense, it could be an unhelpful question… No one actually knows when they’re gonna die. For anyone, in could be in countless decades, or tomorrow. I certainly have more risks than a lot of people, but probability is still just a chance.”

“So…the actual answer is something that I’d say is unhelpful,” he nodded. “...but what my answer and expectations mean for how I’ll act is pretty important, I’d say, especially since I have people close to me in my life.”

Looking back to Dr. Mariah, Kokichi gave her a small, slightly sad smile. “...my answer’s changed a lot, even just in the past year, but…I’m aiming for eighty. I don’t think I’m invincible, and we’ve actually been talking about getting our wills in order, so I’m not being irresponsible in the face of chance, but…”

“...living like I’m going to die in a year or two, or in a decade is…unhelpful. I’ve chosen to hope for the best, and just…make the most of every day I still wake up.”

“That’s an excellent answer,” Dr. Mariah said, and while she didn’t actually go anywhere, there was a sense like she was leaning back, no longer on the hunt as she nodded, “And perhaps that is why this hasn’t come up sooner, if you’ve all already worked these things out for yourselves. For Shuichi, accepting the reality of the day to day works for him, as it also accepts the reality that Kokichi is here for the day to day. Kaito’s method, of taking it ‘one year at a time’ towards a long term goal, while in an optimistic lighting, is essentially the same thing. Both of these ideas is just that decision, to live like living is the expectation for the day, and handling the setbacks as they come, all wrapped up in different starting perspectives. But you three, at least, all seem on otherwise the same page.”

“Maki,” Dr. Mariah said, turning to Maki, “I’m sure you already know what you’re going to say. The floor is yours.”

“I found out I was the descendent of a dragon not that long ago, who seems to be under the impression that I should consider myself her.” Maki said, giving Dr. Mariah a notably unimpressed look, “Kokichi, two days ago, discovered he is an apparently endless reincarnation cycle. Kaito, not long before that, found out he was tailor designed. Not that long ago, Shuichi accidentally stumbling onto the breeding practices of a hivemind species that live impossibly long lives and give its breeders superhuman healing along with superhuman horniness was the biggest revelations of our lives. Not long before that, Shuichi and I thought university access for anyone was pretty wild, and Kokichi thought the Indentured program was the craziest shit he had ever heard of.”

Kaito raised an eyebrow at the swear– Maki didn’t curse much– as she continued, “Assuming we know anything, by this point, or can guess the future with anything even resembling accuracy, is insane. We don’t have all the facts.”

“I see… an understandable worldview, by this point, but admittedly not something I would have expected you to say, Maki. Out of everyone in our group, you’re the most inclined towards a near debilitating concept of self control, and even control of others.” Dr. Mariah pointed out, “I want to explore what made you say that, but first I’d like to know what plan of action, day to day, that worldview requires. As Kokichi pointed out, the only reason any of this matters is it affects how you all treat yourselves and the people around you.”

“It just… means you have to remain vigilant,” Maki said softly, “And you have to be willing to let go of what you thought was a certainty, once it’s been taken from you.”

“...so…” Dr. Mariah smiled softly, “Live the day for the day, while being prepared for pitfalls?”

“...okay, fine, yes, all four of us are on the same page,” Maki sighed, “But it felt cruel, to ask Kokichi about ‘expectations’ after a year like this. At least let us get to a point in our lives where we have the illusion of consistency, before asking us what to expect for the future. Otherwise the question feels… just set up to get us to lie to ourselves.”

“I know concerns about your futures has been weighing heavily on you, Maki,” Dr. Mariah said sympathetically, knowing this from their personal sessions, “Your life was dedicated for a long time to one, easy to measure, all consuming goal. And now that you have no more major goals like that, perhaps it can feel alarming, to even be asked what to expect for the future.”

“Mindreading.” Shuichi pointed out.

“...Ah, you’re right.” Dr. Mariah said, sighing, “Maki, how would you feel, if I asked you to guess your future. We’ve discussed future plans before here, but I recall your answer feeling vague.”

“...I don’t know.” Maki said, brow furrowing, “I hate not knowing. Shouldn’t I know by now?”

“What, all of…I’d like to say five? Months after accomplishing a goal that others would have called impossible and the optimistic would have have said would require a lifetime?” Dr. Mariah said, smirking slightly, “No. The answer is no, Maki. You shouldn’t have it worked out by now.”

Maki pouted at that, blowing out her cheeks. Clearly not pleased with that answer.

“...I have something I want to talk about.” Kaito realized, scratching his chin, “If it’s okay? I know we’re talking about something important, that this is all connected to Kokichi’s overall lifespan, and that’s important, I don’t want to overshadow it. But… there’s something I need to talk to Maki about.” Kaito said, looking over to Kokichi, quietly asking permission to divert the subject.

Kokichi cracked a grin as Maki started to speak. Yeah…the past year had just been revelation after revelation, each idea of what the world was not just expanded upon, but completely shattered and rebuilt for all of them. Asking them to set expectations for the future, when they knew that everything could be radically different from their semblance of reality was…well, stupid. And useless, and likely leading. 

But that wasn’t exactly what Dr. Mariah had asked. 

The future was uncertain and variable, apparently even to those that could see into it, and for those that took protection on as a duty, like Maki, or even just those who didn’t want preventable pain, that uncertainty was scary. Even more was when you didn’t have a direction you wanted to go towards, even if those who did didn’t have any promise that they’d make it. 

But constant indecision was a miserable way to live, and a way that Kokichi honestly believed was impossible long-term for a person like Maki. So even without a strategy for everything you may come across…you still had to choose how you felt about your life, and pick some sort of direction. 

A map was never filled unless you took a step. And even a step in the wrong direction could tell you more about where you did want to go. 

But…that was something they all sort of agreed on, even if it was scary and confusing. 

So…onto the next.

Kokichi shook his head slightly, and gave Kaito an encouraging smile. “We have talked about this before, even if it does warrant more discussion. But it doesn’t feel like a crisis to me right now, so…I’d be up for whatever you wanna bring up, Kai-chan. It doesn’t feel like overshadowing.”

Kaito gave Kokichi an appreciative look at that, before giving Maki his attention. Something apprehensive in his face, as, tellingly, he started to massage his knuckles. An odd side effect, he had found, to the medicine was that he didn’t find himself needing to do that all the time. He had kinda thought that was just a compulsion for him, by this point, to literally always bend and twist his fingers, regardless of how he felt. But, no, it turns out he really did have to be worried about something to want to do it.

And popping the joints fitfully, Kaito finally said, “So, Maki, I we told you about how I… or, pieces of me… in some ways it’s almost easier to say ‘I’. I’m sure I’ll keep changing my mind on that… look, you know how I gave up a few different, like, ‘destinies’, right? Futures I could have had? If things had played out how they were, I guess, ‘supposed to’ before I gave them up?”

“I do. Other Kaito, Akane and Caleb, yes?” Maki said, her face impassive. Whether the void of emotion was meant to be encouraging or intimidating was anyone’s guess. 

“Right… look, I don’t know what destiny really means. Drake says that the future changes constantly.” Kaito said, twisting his fingers as he said, “And, I think it was Dr. Mariah who said the concept of ‘destiny’ itself was even rare. That only some people have them. I guess an example would be Kokichi’s destiny to be an Ouma. Not a lot of people are born with a purpose… and I’m not sure I’m convinced one way or another that even if I hadn’t given mine away, it would have been set in stone. I don’t know why, but…” Kaito suddenly traced his fingers on his wrists. His eyes going distant, rubbing the skin there– smooth and clean– as he said, “I’m certain that’s true. Destiny is a design, but not a certainty. It’s the gods scrambling for an ideal scenario, and still hoping the people involved don’t just say no and go home.”

“...I think.” Kaito said, his eyes focusing as he laughed, “I don’t know, that makes a lot of sense to me, I don’t know why. But! Anyway… it still feels like, whether destiny has to happen or not, we’re still influenced to be the kind of people best suited for that destiny. Like, fulfilling that purpose doesn’t just fulfill that goal, but it’s designed to be something we’d want. It’d be something that matters to us.”

There was a pause. One long enough that a flicker of annoyance crossed Maki’s face, “Kaito, if you don’t get to a point–”

“I think, if my ‘Other Kaito’ shard was right about what his destiny was, I didn’t just give away mine.” Kaito said, giving Maki a tired, regretful look, “I think I gave away yours too. I got the impression, from everything I saw in my shards space in my mind, that one couldn’t happen without the other. So, I didn’t just give away my future. I took yours. Because I didn’t do my part in it.”

Kaito wasn’t sure what reaction he was expecting… but Maki’s cheeks puffing a little, a look of exasperation on her face as she tucked her hair behind her ear, saying, “Oh, is that all?” Wasn’t it, as she shook her head, her hair immediately coming loose again, “After all that buildup, I thought we were discussing more than a mere ‘what-if’ thought experiment. But, sure. If this is bothering you, we can discuss it. What impression did you get, that someone had dreamed up about our future?”

Kaito blinked, before glancing to Shuichi, basically quietly making certain he wasn’t missing something here. But Shuichi just gave him an encouraging, interested look. Kaito apparently not missing some biting sarcasm or bitter anger as he continued cautiously, “Well, first of all, I gotta apologize for the sheer amount of… pressure, that apparently I was going to put onto you, in another life.”

“You don’t have to apologize, but sure.” Maki said dryly. “Apology accepted.”

Kaito sighed, now a little annoyed with how dismissive she was being, “Maki, I’m apologizing because we were designed to be these people! If I kept you from something you were designed to want more than anything, then I might be the reason you feel aimless right now!”

“Take a minute.” Dr. Mariah said.

“What… what? Me?” Kaito sputtered, looking to Dr. Mariah.

She nodded, “One minute. Just to collect your thoughts, and give you a chance to try to envision this from Maki’s perspective. Otherwise I fear you might get frustrated. Minute starts now.”

Kaito sighed, properly eating the orange now, having long since peeled it.

That…was a fair assumption to make. The dragon banners in Shard Kaito’s room, the vague idea of delivering Luminary from a dark age with the help of a reborn god. It all sounded a lot like a really intriguing adventure-fantasy novel, but at this point, everything in their lives (and apparently what could’ve been) sounded like one genre or another. 

While Maki didn’t seem all that broken up about her traded destiny, Kokichi…went contemplative. Kaito had said he wanted to apologize to Maki for the expectations he had and would’ve had of her, so he did, but even through that, and as Dr. Mariah called for a break…

…was that destiny gone? Not in terms of plans, but…in outcome. Because if Maki had been meant to play a part in making things better for Luminary…

…she had. 

…what did it mean for a person once their destiny was fulfilled? Were they just…free to live as normal? How did a person cope with that, after having such a distinct, important goal?

Was that just…what Maki was doing now?

But that was something they would have to discuss and think through themselves…not with Kokichi’s meddling. Not with his divorced feelings.

A minute passed, and it was quick, as minutes were. But apparently it had been enough as Kaito, chewing on an orange slice, sighed, “...look, you didn’t see what I saw, Maki. I know this just sounds make-believe, and, hell, maybe it is. When I was looking directly at Other Kaito, seeing how sincerely he believed in his destiny, I… was kind of embarrassed by him. Because he wanted to be king. And I don’t want that,” Kaito said, glancing away, “He felt like a version of me that had daydreamed so much about power that he became cruel enough to actually pursue it. It’d be like if I had never gotten any older than, fuck, I don’t know, ten or something. A child’s daydream.”

“But, your part in it? Or the bits implied? I can’t help but feel like I… took that from you. Like, took…” Kaito put his hands together and gripped them tight. Looking down at them, brow furrowed, “...him from you. Because as much as he embarrassed me? I couldn’t help but feel like this guy would have been your fucking dream Kaito. Dedicated, ambitious, and… he looked at you like a god. I think. And he felt so sincere about it, this just… belief in you. I think this was a version of me who… worshiped you. Traded my whole family for you.”

“...he was maybe a version of me that you were supposed to end up with.” Kaito whispered. “One that wouldn’t have left you over a stupid fight. Who could have handled our relationship. Who could have loved you.”

“... that sounds wrong to me.” Maki said simply.

Kaito sighed, running his hand through his hair, giving her an exasperated look now, “Why? Maki, we spent our whole lives in this ‘will we, won’t we’ thing. Maybe the reason for that was we had been supposed to be? And I gave away the version of myself that could have. I took away a relationship that you–”

“Kaito, would you leave Kokichi or Shuichi, right now, if Atua beamed down from whatever godly hole he’s hiding in?” Maki asked, raising an eyebrow, “Be the next Saint Meridan? The ‘Husband of Atua’?”

Kaito gave her a startled look at that, “...no.”

“How much doubt did you have?”

Kaito sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “None.”

“Why not?”

“...” Kaito rolled his eyes, “Okay, I get what you’re saying–”

“Worship isn’t love. If anything, if a version of you was running around saying I was some sort of ‘god’, that sort of sexual relationship would have been a rapey nightmare, and a love one impossible.” Maki said, like it was obvious, “I’m not even sure if I could be friends with you, if you thought I was some sort of god, without it being really weird.”

“Not to mention that meant you were a Kaito who couldn’t even recognize that I wasn’t a dragon.” Maki sighed, closing her eyes, “Maybe you were meant to worship the dragon then. Fight a war in her name. Still wouldn’t have been me. I’m not a dragon or a god.”

“...I could imagine a version of you, Maki, who could have been convinced you were one, though.” Shuichi pointed out, while Maki gave him an annoyed look, “What? You absolutely can buy into your own hype. Growing up in Luminary, having a Momota treat you like some god reincarnated, raising an army under your banner? I could see a version of you, as you are now, who would have bought into all of that. The same way you bought into the Reaper thing, and how the ‘universe bends’ idea got so deep into your head that it influenced your sense of responsibility. You rise up to, and honestly, above and beyond expectations put to you. You were told everyone in that orphanage was a little sibling you were ‘responsible’ for and that consumed your whole sense of identity. So in that sense, Kaito might have a point. His not being the person who would have treated you like that, meant that you didn’t become the kind of person who would view yourself that way. One life directly effecting the other.”

“Suuuuure,” Maki said, not sounding entirely convinced, before continuing, “But either way, that’s not a healthy relationship, if what you feel bad about is I didn’t get my ‘crazy prince charming’. You’d have been dating a fantastical idea of me. Even if it had worked, or had been what we were ‘destined’ for, it would have still been a bad relationship.”

“And as for taking ‘him’ away… who?” Maki said, giving Kaito a tired look, “You’re you. At the most positive way of looking at it, I’ve known ‘Other Kaito’ my whole life, because he’s just you, isn’t he? And it’s been one of the most rewarding relationships of my life, regardless if I’m the person who ‘got you’ in the end. At worst, I never met him at all, because he never existed. He’s just a thought experiment, and even in the realm of that thought experiment, our relationship sounded like it would have been annoying. I’m not missing out.”

“... okay, that’s fair… what about being treated as a god reborn–”

“Ugh.”

Kaito grinned at that, looking a little relieved, “Yeah, I kinda guessed immediately that you would have hated that part of it either way. I just got, ya know… guilty feeling. That maybe I sabotaged what was supposed to be the love of your life. He was attractive too.”

“Isn’t he the one that literally looks like you?”

“A very good looking guy, yes.”

“His hair was kinda silly, though,” Kokichi softly said with a grin. “I was right, that it’s hard to see you having any other style than the one you have.”

Kokichi knew he was biased. As someone deeply in love with this version of Kaito, he had trouble thinking about any other universe as something that would be “better” or that he’d trade this one for. But it wasn’t his trade. He could talk all day about how Kaito hadn’t kickstarted lives that left Maki unloved by him, because she so obviously was, and that romantic love was just one type of many…

…but Maki said it better herself. 

And all the stuff about idolizing her… They’d had to put in effort in this timeline to quit doing that, seeing how horrible those expectations were on Maki. Maki was capable of great things, but even buying wholly into the mythos…she told him all the time that a cocky assassin was soon a dead one. A god was nothing to a non-believer, and no matter what sort of abilities Maki may be able to harness from the dragon, she was still mortal. 

Maybe things would’ve been fine, but Maki covered that too. Worship wasn’t a good basis for a relationship. 

“I liked his eyes,” Kaito admitted, resting his chin on his hand, his fingers easing in their ache, as he got a sort of distant, dreamy look on his face, “They were so… serious. And this really pretty color of purple.”

“Kaito, they’re literally just your eyes.”

“Guys, I apparently have amazing eyes. It’s so different, seeing them from outside yourself, rather than just a mirror.”

Shuichi’s eyes narrowed, “...are you actually attracted to yourself?”

“This can’t be news to you.” Maki smirked.

“Alright, alright,” Dr. Mariah intervened, as Kaito turned red and sputtered, “Maki, Kaito? Do you feel like you’ve said everything you need to say about the subject of Kaito ‘stealing’ a life from Maki she was supposed to have?”

“I’m not attached to versions of my life that never happened.” Maki said, “It doesn’t bother me.”

“A part of me still feels a little guilty, but, it does help to know Maki doesn’t feel like she’s missing out.” Kaito said, “And, I like the version of our lives we got together. Just because she didn’t end up my wife or bonded to me doesn’t mean I don’t love her. She knows that…” Kaito said, looking to Maki, who nodded, “And, admittedly, I don’t enjoy imagining my life without Kokichi in it. Somehow I don’t think I’d have gotten my shot at Shuichi either,” Kaito grinned, looking over to his fiance.

“If you were dating Maki? That would have been so complicated.” Shuichi said dryly, shaking his head, “And we wouldn’t have gone through my second puberty without Dicea, so no. You’d have missed out on both of us.”

“Ha. Yeah, being entirely selfish and self-centered about it? I definitely got the best of every world, in how things actually played out.” Kaito grinned, giving his family a sheepish shrug, “I wouldn’t trade you guys for anything.”

Dr. Mariah tapped at her leg, “... but it seems you traded quite a lot, for them. For your own existence, in fact. If we consider all members of your soul to be you, then you gave up some serious things to be Kaito, for an overall goal that you are apparently not privy too. Which is as new information to you as the concept of reincarnations is to Kokichi. How has the act of processing then been going, Kaito?”

“Processing? …um, I think worrying about taking away Maki’s dream-life has been the most I’ve managed to get my head around this.” Kaito admitted, “It’s all a lot to take in, and we’ve been really busy, the last few days. I haven’t had a lot of time to think about it.”

“If you could summarize your feelings now then, without having had time to think about them?”

“...” Kaito took a long, uncomfortable sip of water, “Can we come back to that? I really don’t know, I… bad? I feel bad, when I think about it. But the last few days have been hard. I might just ‘feel bad’ right now, and it’s got nothing to do with that, you know? And I only just discovered the emotional baggage of three people. Kokichi’s got entire lifetimes he’s got to sort through now. For instance, Nellis clearly still had some things to work through,” Kaito said dryly, “And Kokichi will apparently just, like, be those past lives, sometimes. So… that’s interesting. I am suddenly dating lots of people, it seems.” He said, a flash of something on his expression. A taste of irritation in the air.

“Hmmm,” Dr. Mariah said, looking to Kokichi next, “Right, there is the matter of your past lives. That does certainly add something, to the group dynamic and communications. It adds another layer, but it’s nothing I don’t think your group can’t work through. In fact, that’s something we should touch on, now that two… no, three members of your group all have at least one other person who, for better or worse, is a part of them.” Dr. Mariah said, looking to Kaito, then Kokichi, then Maki, “Maki’s additional companion seems to be the least overtly intrusive, but Kokichi, at the very least, has met her, and whether the Dragon and Maki are the same person or not, you cannot know one without the other now, it seems. The same would seem to be true for Kokichi’s past lives, and Kaito’s shards. Kaito’s shards are unique, in that the impression of amalgamations is that distinguishing their final form with their individual parts is a somewhat pointless act. Amalgamations are their sum pieces, given agency. But Kokichi, we should try to identity what your relationship to your past lives mean to you and this group. Are they ancestors, as Maki considers her dragon? Are you the sum of all of them, a mass amalgamation of all of them put together? A third option? How do you feel about it?”

Kokichi flashed a guilty look towards Kaito as he mentioned not having the time to begin processing his shards. Really…that should’ve been the biggest revelation of the night. Should’ve been the thing that they spent days processing and talking about, broken up by the funeral. Kokichi knew that he hadn’t awakened to his past lives on purpose, but…he still felt bad. 

…and so did Kaito, apparently. 

Sighing softly, Kokichi ran a hand through his bangs, shaking his head a little. “I’m still figuring it out… To me…they feel like ancestors, and just like I have a really weird and vast library in my head. But to the memories…we’re all the same. I can feel that that’s normal, and that each life feels like themself, distinctly, but…I guess it would be hard to feel like drawing a distinction if all you are is a memory.”

“I know that it’s my life,” Kokichi said softly, something sad and lost in his gaze, though his voice was firm, “Not any of theirs…and that that’s how it’s supposed to me. It’s still…hard to reconcile, though. Someone once told me it’s hard to fully remember more than a few centuries’ worth of memories, and to try and do so would drive you insane. And…I know that if I did try and delve more, I could easily waste my life only combing through all that history…and I don’t want that, as fascinating as it’d be.”

Sighing again, Kokichi gave a meager shrug to the group. “I guess it’s daunting, but at the end of the day…I’m still the same I always was. Just with more perspective.”

Dr. Mariah nodded, “That makes sense, especially if their perspective requires you to seek it out. Perhaps that alone is the biggest differentiation between you and Maki and Kaito. Maki, as of right now, has no real concept of the dragon. Is that still correct, Maki?”

Maki sighed, “If you all didn’t tell me she existed, and I didn’t trust you? There’s literally no reason for me to believe there’s anyone in here other than me. I don’t get memories, I’ve never visited her. Honestly, the main reason I believe you is because Miyako is apparently counting on her existing, for her safety. If a part of me is resting in her, standing guard, then I guess I just need to accept that the dragon exists and be glad for it.”

“I wanna meet her,” Kaito admitted, grinning, “You think she’s sexy?”

“Kaito, she is literally a massive beast.” Shuichi said, brow furrowing, “Like a big leather mountain.”

“...I could be into it.” Kaito murmured, gaze distant.

“What would you even try to do??” Shuichi asked, now thoroughly distracted, his own vision going distant… before he blanched a bit, “Ew. Gross Kaito.”

“Don’t shame me for things you’d imagine I’d do!”

“Shuichi, Kaito, please focus. Do I need to pass out lollipops?”

“God, no, it’s too hot for lollipops.” Kaito sighed, leaning back into his egg chair. “So, Maki barely recognizes the dragon, and Kokichi’s other selves don’t really exist until he asks them too. They’re on standby as he lives out his life. But, still living your life with you, right babe?” Kaito asked, giving Kokichi a concerned look, “Nellis talked like he was still living through you. That’s what my shards are doing with me. Though, like…the more I think about them, the harder time I have differentiating myself from them. Like, it’s almost the opposite. Their memories aren’t something I have access too, beyond seeing their mindscapes for myself and drawing conclusions. But… saying they are me feels right. Like, I looked at other Kaito and Akane and just… I saw so much of myself in them, you know? And while I didn’t have their memories, we talked about our life… they talked about my life like there wasn’t any difference to us. All of us living it… god the pronouns get hard, when I’m talking about them.” Kaito huffed, rubbing his eyes with his palms, “It only gets more confusing the more I talk.”

Looking to Kokichi and Shuichi, Kaito hesitated… before saying, “Shuichi, I know you haven’t had a chance to meet any of them, but… does that bother you? I mean, the idea that there’s… three other people who really, genuinely consider themselves to be engaged with you, that you’ve never met?”

Shuichi paused, thinking about it, “...I feel like my answer could change, if I met them.” Shuichi admitted, fanning himself with his hat some more, taking a sip from his smoothie, “But for right now it feels like a non-issue. Though, admittedly, that could just be because that concept doesn’t really feel relevant to me, specifically because you are here, and unlike Kokichi, none of them can just randomly meet me and force me to deal with them.”

“Right, okay, that’s another thing!” Kaito said, looking to Kokichi, concerned, “To Shuichi, they’re just a concept. But Akane visited you. Like, individually… or as individually as I can, anyway. We can. You know what I mean. This just… ‘person’ showed up and started treating you like you were her husband.” Kaito said, frowning, “And I… could understand if you…”

He hesitated… before laughing sheepishly. Clutching his stomach through his shirt as he said, “...damn, that hurt just to propose. But, look, it’s not fair on you to shove these three strangers in your face and say you’re obligated to love them. So, I could understand,” Kaito said, his voice more determined now, like he was fighting through something, “...if you don’t feel the same way about them, as you do me. That’s just something we’ll live with. You’re not obligated to love my shards. You don’t have to pretend too, it’s not fair on you.”

Kokichi paused for a moment, before taking a breath, talking in an even voice. “Kai-chan…I appreciate your understanding, and it means a lot to me. So I’m going to say this with all due respect.”

“I’ve promised to love every part of you, and while some of those parts are more personified than I ever would’ve thought, none of them have made me regret that promise.”

“Akane-chan, Kai-chan, Cal-chan…they’re all you. They’re not strangers, even if there’s parts of them I don’t know--there are parts of you I don’t know and that’s just…normal. That’s just two people living in the same world.” Kokichi smiled softly. “I’m married to all of them as much as I’m married to you. And it was wonderful getting to know each of them specifically a little better, for the little time I had.”

“...also, Akane-chan really wasn’t supposed to ever be able to show up in my head,” Kokichi amended after a moment. “I’ve talked to Saint Madison and sorted it out with Chibi Kai-chan, so something like that shouldn’t be able to happen again.”

After that, though, Kokichi looked a little uncomfortable. “...as for my situation, though… It doesn’t feel to me, like you guys are also in a relationship with all the past Oumas. It’s just…it’s always been my soul, so…to a point, it’s always been me. Or…rather, it’s always been the first person my soul was, and then the second, and onward. In that sense, I’m the least me I’ve ever been, but…I’m not living for anyone else but myself.”

“...what happened with Nellis was… It’s like…any time I make a memory version of someone. But…like what happened when I used to try to make ones of Kai-chan, but I kept summoning Chibi Kai-chan. I’m the closest version of me, so…summoning them just…overwrites me…sort of…”

He let out a huff, and gestured with a helpless hand. “...it’s hard to explain. Or understand.”

“Right… right.” Kaito said, something genuinely relieved coming over his face, wiping a bead of sweat that was coming down from his hairline, “Good… thank you. And Shuichi, I know you haven’t met them ye–”

“Do you want me too?” Shuichi asked, raising an eyebrow. “I mean… I really could go the rest of our lives without ever doing so, and I don’t think it’d make a difference. Especially if you really are just them. Then I’d have already met them.”

Kaito paused, considering that, “...I guess if you didn’t want too, no, it doesn’t really make a difference. I think… I don’t know, I find something exciting in the idea of you meeting them. Maybe that’s just how they feel about it. Like, the thought makes me happy. But if it makes you uncomfortable, the idea of you never doing so doesn’t actually hurt. If that makes sense?”

“I see… well, I’m sure I’ll get the opportunity at one point. Even without a mini-version of you and a saint making a make-shift bridge between us.”

“I do hope you have that under control.” Dr. Mariah cautioned Kokichi, “That sounds complicated, from an entirely outside, unprofessional opinion. That said… Kaito, as the one who brought it up? A few times now, actually, in a few different ways: how do you feel about your relationship with Kokichi’s past lives. ‘Earlier’ lives, might actually be the correct way to say it, as this is all one continues life.” She realized, tapping at her chin now, “You had a peek at an earlier version of Kokichi than you’ve known him, at what was likely a difficult time in a difficult way. How do you feel about it?”

“...” Kaito frowned, glancing over at Kokichi. Not certain what he wanted to say. “...it was… it felt a little… cre…”

Kaito couldn’t bring himself to say it in front of Kokichi, and he looked away as he shrugged, trying to find a new route for it, “It was strange. It was like… some guy showed up and… he kept calling me pet names? But he kept saying he was only calling me pet names because he wasn’t allowed to insult me. It was like someone who hated me was being forced to flirt with me. I… didn’t know how to respond. I’m still not sure what to make of it.”

Dr. Mariah tasted the air, “...did it make you uncomfortable?”

“I, I mean, yeah. But a lot of shit was happening in that moment, so, like, I wasn’t in a good headspace to take it good-naturedly anyway, ya know? Fuck, I spent the first minute thinking something had happened to Kokichi. And then it just got… more confusing from there.”

“I do,” Kokichi nodded firmly. Sure…he was learning new things all the time that had him baffled, but…in the case of accidentally pulling other people into his mind, or accidentally warping to them? He had that down on lock. No more dream-hopping, no more making a bond with a defense he’d helped make that connected to one of his constructs. 

Kokichi was adamant in his love of all parts of Kaito. But Kaito…

…Kokichi’s eyes widened slightly before he looked away, biting his lip to keep away the pang in his heart. Feeling the…discomfort and anger coming off of Kaito at the subject. 

“...the…’pet names’ were from me…me-me, I mean,” he said softly. “No matter their habits…I refuse to allow someone to insult you with my mouth. I’m…sorry if that made it weirder.”

Kaito’s brow furrowed, something uncertain and guilty in his eyes as he looked over to Kokichi, though his fists gripped as he stopped himself from saying that it was alright. Cause… a lot of that hadn’t been alright. And Kaito didn’t know how to say that. It was so much easier, insisting that Kokichi needed to treat other people better, especially when his husband made it easy. Kokichi was a good person, he wanted to treat people well. He just sometimes needed…

Kaito sighed, rubbing his temple. Right. His husband was a good person, who did want to treat people well. That included Kaito. Kokichi wouldn't hurt him on purpose. Which meant Kokichi didn’t know what he did. He just… needed to tell him.

“I… I don’t dislike that you stopped him… yourself? From insulting me.” Kaito frowned, fussing with his knuckles again, “I mean… I wasn’t thrilled that…” Kaito’s back jaw clicked a little. He could feel it flexing, that tension in his neck building. “You wanted to tell me off so badly that you, like, summoned someone to do it for you. Like, that wasn’t great. And then tried to make up for it by, like, weird, pseudo-affection attempts. That was really fucking confusing.”

Shuichi and Maki both suddenly looked at each other. A tension in Kaito’s words that was telling. Shuichi looking worried while Maki just gave him a ‘what can you do’ look. 

Dr. Mariah, in turn, took a sip of her water, considering the two men, “I’m getting a sense of some tension here.”

“Really? No fucking shit.” Kaito muttered. “Someone give the woman a PHD.”

“What?” Kokichi couldn’t help the outburst, looking utterly shocked. 

There was a part of him that immediately wanted to say, ‘what, no?! I never wanted to tell you off, and censoring my last self wasn’t trying to make up for anything, nor was it meant to be affectionate!’

…but that wasn’t how Kaito felt. And outcome was more important than intention. 

Taking a few steady breaths to calm himself, Kokichi closed his eyes, before opening them with a more calm, though sad expression. “...I’m sorry, Kai-chan. Telling you off…” His eyes narrowed, trying to think of what Kaito meant by that. “...asking me if there was anything that could convince me to give up my life as an Ouma is a really deep, important question, and you had all the reason and freedom to ask it without provoking ire. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Kaito gave Kokichi a long look… before gritting his teeth. Crossing his arms as he said tensely, “I don’t believe you.”

“Kaito.” Shuichi hissed, suddenly looking frustrated on Kokichi’s behalf.

“Now, now… let’s hear him out. Kaito isn’t obligated to just accept an apology because one was given,” Dr. Mariah interrupted Shuichi, who clearly had wanted to say more as Kaito crossed his arms tighter, looking away with a scowl, “Though, Kaito, you and I have talked about theatrical pacing before. You need to be clear about what you’re telling Kokichi, and not just say things for their shock value.”

“I’m not trying to be shocking, I’m trying to be, just… I don’t want to say it was okay, okay? And so long as I’m hurt by something, Kokichi will apologize for anything without actually understanding what the hell he’s apologizing for! Which just means he does it again later!” Kaito insisted, looking increasingly frustrated the more he riled himself up, as he shot Kokichi a pissed look, “‘Nellis’ treated me like my question was laughable. And, I get it, to you it is! You’ve been treating being an Ouma as the highest calling for centuries! I get it! Maybe if that was the only thing you wanted to tell me in that moment, you wouldn’t have had to put on some weird, mean persona to do it!”

“But it wasn’t. You wanted to remind me how fucking shitty my own choices were! How shitty I am! We had just spent an hour talking about how I’m literally made by that fucking choice. And you put on this shitty face to fucking put me down and laugh at me about it! And I don’t think you’re fucking sorry!”

Dr. Mariah was right, Kaito wasn’t obligated to just accept the apology Kokichi had given…but he was sorry. All that business with Nellis…it had been so far out of Kokichi’s control, as much as it could be while still technically being “him”. Kokichi hadn’t wanted to butt into Kaito’s revelations, and he hadn’t wanted to talk so harshly, and he just…hadn’t wanted to be what he saw as one of the worst versions of himself. 

But…Kaito was saying a lot of things that Kokichi didn’t believe. Things that hurt to hear. Things that hurt to feel. And despite his attempts to remain calm and consider Kaito’s side of things…

“It’s not laughable!” While it was raised, Kokichi’s voice was strained, eyes starting to shine a bit. “Whatever convinced Akane-chan to give up her family, or Kai-chan his duty, or whatever Cal-chan gave up, that must’ve felt like an impossible choice! I know how much those things mean to you now, so I can’t even imagine how they felt, when the question came. That decision wasn’t made lightly, and I can tell that without asking you--though if I did, the severity would be so much more. The fact that there’s something out there that you chose was worth giving those things up is terrifying, and wonderful, and, fuck, it must’ve taken so much strength…”

Kokichi choked on his words but spat some out right after, a few tears flying. “I’m not making fun of you! You think I chose for Nellis to speak?! We’ve talked about so many times how I’d never want to go back in time, because I hate who I was growing up. You think I was happy to see someone who was just like who I was as a teen getting snippy and short with people I love?!”

“Fuck, Kaito… I am sorry… I never wanted any of that to happen.”

Dr. Mariah waited, keeping an eye on the situation, but not wanting to get in the middle of a fight. Them learning how to fight, as she had chosen before quite a few times now, was half of this process. She probably could force them both to calm down and speak tightly and politely with each other, but that wouldn’t translate in the real world, when things like this came up again.

And already the energy shifted, Kokichi getting more emotional, but Kaito getting less, though there was still plenty of tension there as he leaned out of the egg, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked to Kokichi, “Didn’t you? Choose it? You were able to stop him from saying literal insults to me, didn’t you want the rest of that shit?”

Kaito scoffed, looking away as he rubbed his temple, “...’Kichi, it’s not that you, like… can’t be short with me. Fuck, Kokichi, we’ve had conversations where you, just…it’s not the first time you’ve accidentally insulted me, okay? That’s not even what I’m pissed about. It just felt like this time it wasn’t a mistake. That you knew how shitty this was going to be, and you just… put me in the exact position I’d need to be put in to not be able to get mad at you about it. It was confusing, I didn’t know who I was talking to, and when I realized it was you…”

“...fuck, babe, you, Nellis, I don’t fucking know who to blame for this. But whoever told me had to have realized how fucking… gut-wrenching. Finding out you were… going to have to leave me, at some point, would be. Like, that it was going to happen, no matter what. And whoever told me that? Dropped that on me just because of how badly they wanted to tell me that you would never. Do what I did. Fucking hell… that’s more than a mistake, Kokichi. That’s just fucking cruel. If Nellis is the guy I need to be pissed at, fine, I’ll believe you, I’ll be fucking pissed at him. But that wasn’t a fucking ‘whoops’ moment. Someone…” Kaito flashed Kokichi a frustrated look, “You or him. Someone decided their fucking ego was worth devestating me. Fucking… casually.”

“So… no.” Kaito muttered, looking at the ground, “Whoever did it, if they were capable of something like that? I don’t think they’re sorry. And it’s not okay that shit happened.”

“No, I didn’t,” Kokichi ground out, his voice trembling. All he had wanted, when Kaito asked him if he could choose not to be an Ouma, was to be honest with himself. To go beyond gut feelings, and really consider it. Because he was just as much a person as Akane or Caleb or Kaito, and if something had come up that they chose to leave behind all the things that they cared most about? Then there was something, surely, that Kokichi would choose as well. 

He just…couldn’t imagine it, though. And in digging for those answers…he’d found one. 

The fact that he already had given himself up for a greater purpose. The fact that the part of himself that had been around the longest had decided to give up the natural order, never giving themself rest, to…give up every person that they ever loved too early, for Dicea. 

Kaito, unbeknownst to them both, before Nellis told them, wasn’t talking to someone who would hypothetically make that choice. He was talking to the result of that choice being made and compounded upon dozens of times. 

And…for everything else that came after? Kokichi had been aware of everything Nellis did, even if it…had been scary, and confusing, and…kind of like behind really drunk and dissociating at the same time, just…watching his body do things, but feeling it all at the same time…

From the few memories he had gotten…Kokichi knew Nellis hadn’t meant for that information to be cruel. He had been incensed, trying to get Kaito the truth he deserved. But…Kokichi knew how poorly “the truth” could be used against people. 

And…it hadn’t just been to Kaito.

Kokichi’s face crumbled a bit, though his frustration kept its structure. “I did do what you did, and I found out at the same fucking moment you did. I’m not saying you have to say it’s okay--it’s not! Not what I did to you, and not the situation itself. Just stop saying that I did everything just to belittle you. If you feel belittled, then that’s what happened, and what I’m apologizing for. But don’t you dare say it was on purpose.”

Kaito stood up, gripping his hands into fists… before he ran them through his hair, forcing himself to sit back down. Mad at himself that he had even stood up. Right, what the fuck was he going to do. Stomp his foot? Pull it together…

“Let’s take a break.” Dr. Mariah sighed, glancing down at her pocket watch, “Drink some water, refill the pitcher–”

“I don’t want to take a break.” Kaito grumbled. 

“And yet.” Dr. Mariah responded somewhat dryly. “Five minutes. Kaito, go take a walk.”

Kaito, sometimes, hated having conversations like these in therapy. He knew why they did them, he knew it was better than he and Kokichi just screaming at each other until it escalated into one of them collapsing. But sometimes Kaito did just want to scream… which was probably a good reason why they were here. He got up with a huff, heading to the other side of the rood and leaning against the safety wall, taking deep breaths and scuffing his heel into the ground.

Shuichi and Maki, in turn, gave each other a quick look, before Maki stood up to go–

“Please don’t do that.” Dr. Mariah sighed, “Give him a minute, he doesn’t need one of you to go talk him down. Let him sort his own thoughts out. And Shuichi, the same for Kokichi. This is clearly a difficult discussion for them, they need some emotional space to themselves.”

“With all due respect, Dr. Mariah… that’s usually not true for us.” Shuichi sighed, leaning back, “We’re usually at our worst, the more we just talk at ourselves. It helps to talk to someone, especially not the person we’re arguing with.”

Dr. Mariah paused, watching Maki just stand there. Not sitting down, not going towards Kaito… “Well, we’ll work on it.” She sighed, waving Maki off. Maki headed towards Kaito.

Shuichi, in turn, got up and walked over to Kokichi. Leaning against his egg as he said softly to him, “You okay?”

Kokichi huffed, sitting back in his egg and sucking on his smoothie. He wasn’t even trying to argue that Kaito should accept his apology. He just couldn’t stand Kaito saying that he wasn’t making an apology at all. 

Taking a few breaths and wiping his eyes as the break was called, Kokichi shot Shuuichi a look before sighing deeply. “...no. M frustrated ‘n scared. And that’s makin’ me blow up more than I should.”

Letting go of another deep breath, Kokichi pressed a palm into one of his eyes, scrunching the other up tight. “...this is all such bullshit. Couldn’t even just be a freakishly powerful Empath, huh.”

“It does explain how you became one.” Shuichi said softly, giving him a small, slightly amused smile, “Or, at least a ‘freakishly’ powerful one. You’re still just you though…” Shuichi paused, glancing over the egg to see Maki talking to Kaito on the other side of the roof, before laughing lightly, “I wanted to say ‘at least this is likely the last big revelation’, but I feel like Maki would come over and slap me. And she’d likely be right too. It almost feels like I’m baiting the world to throw something else at us.”

Kokichi sighed and nodded a bit, bringing his hand down to roll his smoothie cup between his hands. “Every time I think, ‘oh, this is it, this is the craziest it can be’...something else happens. It’s ridiculous.”

…in a moment, Kokichi suddenly looked so much more tired. “...I’m so tired of it being ridiculous.”

“...did I seem insincere to you?”

“No.” Shuichi said honestly, giving a small, frustrated sigh, “I think Kaito was looking for a fight. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, you’re not a good person to fight with for its own process.”

“We’ve discussed this, Shuichi,” Dr. Mariah said, looking up from thumbing through her journal, “Kaito doesn’t just make decisions on emotion alone. Treating him like he’s irrational is sabotaging yourself.”

“I’m not saying it’s irrational. I’m saying that…” Shuichi sighed, leaning against Kokichi’s egg, it moving slightly under his push, “If what he’s aiming for is a fight, he’s going to ignore anything that’ll negate that goal.”

Dr. Mariah shook her head slightly, but didn’t argue again. Shuichi was in a stubborn mood today. She could put her foot down, but she had a feeling it’d result in a shutdown. 

Kokichi didn’t think that was quite right. Kaito was plenty pissed, sure, but…it wasn’t just…brewing anger, coming from all sorts of things and needing an outlet. It was pointed. Something that Kaito had wanted to say to him for… 

What, since it happened? But he couldn’t, because Kokichi was just such a…volatile fuck up?

Kaito was completely in the right to be mad. And even if he wasn’t, his feelings still mattered. Kokichi just…

Yeah, yeah. All the same. Kokichi shook his head a little. “This doesn’t seem like blind fury. And there’s no reason for it to be.”

“Just have some water and try to use some of the break,” Dr. Mariah told them, “Taking a moment to settle will help. It always helps. You all just have to let yourselves do it.”

Shuichi had a slightly annoyed look on his face– that last bit had felt pointed– but he gave Kokichi’s knee a quick squeeze, before going to sit back down. Once again fanning himself a little.  

On the other side of the roof, Kaito glared at Maki, “I don’t care. I knew he didn’t know what he was apologizing for, and I was right. He did that shit to hurt me.”

“Kaito, listen to yourself.” Maki said, rolling her eyes again, “You think that Kokichi decided to, let me be entirely clear, scare himself into a panic attack by, again, let me be clear, revealing to himself that he was going to lose all of his loved ones and his entire sense of self once he’s called on by a god–”

“Maki, don’t say it like that.” Kaito whispered, “That’s not…” 

Kaito grit his teeth. Running his hands into his hair and then squeezing a bit at his roots. “...god, that is what’s happening.” He whispered, drawing his hands over his face, “Okay, fine, so it’s… it’d be weird if he did it on purpose… but he did.”

“He literally couldn’t of, Kaito.” Maki sighed, giving him a plainly exasperated look, “He didn’t know. And does it really sound like him, to do that?”

“...yes.” Kaito muttered. Wincing at Maki’s disbelieving look, “Maki, this is a pattern. Maybe he didn’t… know… ugh, dammit, I do sound crazy.” Kaito realized, scratching at his scalp, “No, shit, you’re right. Dammit. It just felt… it felt so deliberate, ya know? Like, oh, I put Kokichi on the spot to say that no, nothing would stop him from being an Ouma. He was uncomfortable, I could see that, but, like… he could have just said, ‘I don’t think so, but I understand why you did, Kaito’. But no.” Kaito said, gritting his teeth “Because he doesn’t believe that shit. He had to change into a whole different person…”

“But you know that’s not right, right?” Maki said softly, “It wasn’t deliberate. It literally couldn’t have been. He didn’t know, and he was just as horrified to find out as you were.”

“...” Kaito grit his teeth, “...yeah. Yeah. Okay.”

“Kaito, Maki!” Dr. Mariah called, “We’re past five minutes. Come along!”

Maki patted Kaito on the back, before the two headed back. Settling in. 

“Alright.” Dr. Mariah said, “Obviously we’ve found a point of contention.” 

Kokichi nodded with a slightly pained look before he sighed, looking over at Kaito. “...I’m sorry for raising my voice at you. But I am frustrated.”

“I hurt you…and I hate that. I always promise myself I’ll be better, but I keep messing up and hurting you in the process… And you’re right to be mad about that. You’re right not to forgive me right away. I can have as many regrets as I want, but until I start actually learning from my mistakes, it’s not actually better for you yet.”

“...but of course I never want to hurt you,” Kokichi stressed, his voice straining slightly, though he wasn’t any louder than his usual speaking voice. “Not to save my own ego, or…or to comfort anyone else. I hate seeing you hurt, hun…I never want to be the cause. From the second Nellis fronted, I never meant for any of that to happen, and I didn’t know any of it before he told us.”

“I know you don’t want to hurt me. And, Maki and I were talking and… I mean, you tried to say it and I just wasn’t hearing it.” Kaito muttered, resting his elbows on his knees, “But I know you wouldn’t do this shit on purpose. Honestly, I feel selfish to be as upset as I am…”

“But I never don’t feel selfish about it.” Kaito said, scratching his arm, “And it’s just… hard to not feel like, sometimes, that there’s something deliberate in that… but you guys are right, Kokichi, you literally didn’t even know what was happening. Hell, every example I can think of was basically out of your control… but Nellis.” Kaito huffed, crossing his arms again. “I’m still not convinced he didn’t do all that shit just to make fun of me. ‘One month long existential crisis’. Jerk. I should have given him a piece of my mind. Kokichi, tell Nellis that he doesn’t just get to fuck off and hide in your head, I am having words with him.”

“I’m not sure if differentiating Kokichi’s earlier lives with himself is the most… helpful thing.” Dr. Mariah said, “Especially if you’ve decided you’re in a feud with one. Though, I must say, from a psychological aspect? Fascinating.”

None of what had been said seemed particularly teasing to Kokichi…mean-spirited, yeah, but not the way Kaito kept saying, which was an effort to humiliate him. But…perhaps all that was something to discuss as well. 

“Got it…” Kokichi sighed, before he ran a hand through his hair, sweat slicking the roots a bit. “...like…you know? I took a lot of comfort in you taking care of me when I was ‘me’ again…and calling the emergency session, and helping out after my panic attack yesterday. I really appreciate you willing to help me, even when you’re not doing well yourself. But…”

Another sigh. “I know it’s not as easy as just telling you so…but you don’t have to put your feelings to the side to deal with mine. And you shouldn’t have to be put in a position where you feel selfish for feeling upset about things that are really upsetting! I know a lot of that, at least in situations around me, is my fault. And I’m sorry for that. Not being “allowed”,” Kokichi actually mimed the air quotes there, “to be…angry or frantic or scared, just to deal with whatever my deal is…is really draining. And shitty. I shouldn’t put you in that position.”

“No, no, cause that’s the thing, you should… these aren’t moments, where, like, you should be expected to keep it togeth–”

“Kaito, if I may?” Dr. Mariah interrupted, “This sounds like this has built up from more then just this instance. You keep referencing ‘moments’. Do you think you can make yourself more clear about what you’re referencing?”

“... look, a part of me wants to insist that we have more important things to talk about. And, we do! But… I’m being bad at discussing the other stuff, right? Because I’m all messed up and being bad at the support stuff. So we have to get my head right.”

“Incorrect,” Dr. Mariah said, putting her palms together and pressing it, “Kaito, we’re not putting aside a ‘more important’ issue because you need maintenance and a tune up. All of your issues, yours individually and as a group, matter. Kokichi’s revelations matter, and they are important. They do warrant discussion. So does your shards issue, and what seems to be some lingering resentment over past issues. So–” She stressed, talking over his attempt to insist that wasn’t the case, “-- are Shuichi’s needs to feel seen and appreciated, and Maki’s needs to be allowed to not be at 100% capability, 100% of the time. All of these things matter. I’ve told you this before, and I will tell you it again, I am certain, because all of you, at your core, all have some variety of a martyr complex… Shuichi admittedly the least–”

“I was about to say.” Shuichi murmured.

“--but even he has a compulsion to put aside his own needs at time to focus on the rest of you. But you can all be assured that, at least when it comes to these sessions, when I have turned my focus onto you? And an individual issue you have? That means that I believe that is the pressing issue at hand. And it’s worthy of discussion.”

“...you do say that sometimes, huh.” Kaito muttered, “Man, sometimes I feel like I’m just constantly making people repeat things to me.”

“If things were as easy to learn as just being told it once, no one would ever have problems and we wouldn’t need teachers.” Dr. Mariah said, “So, let’s deal with whatever this is.”

Kokichi’s lips tightened, but before he could think about what Kaito was saying--before Kaito got out all he wanted to say--Dr. Mariah took a look at the listing conversation carriage and snapped them back on track. 

All of their issues were worth discussion and consideration and respect. Yes, sometimes one was more pressing to get to first, but…that’s one of the points of help Dr. Mariah provided by being their therapist. She could help them determine an order, not constantly trying to martyr themselves, and…well, a semi-outside perspective did help in determining what was genuinely needing to be talked about immediately. 

So. They were talking about this first. 

“...you didn’t get to finish what you were saying, Kai-chan,” Kokichi nodded gently. “About what ‘moments’ mean, and…well. You can explain yourself best.”

“...I don’t really believe you’re doing it on purpose, Kokichi.” Kaito said after a moment. Collecting his thoughts as he shifted uneasily in his egg, “But… it happens so consistently that, like… I’m not sure subconsciously, you’re not, maybe… putting me in these positions where…”

“...god, I hate to keep fucking going back to the memorial garden.” Kaito muttered, looking frustrated with himself, “But I… fuck, babe, was it really a coincidence that you told me about all that shit just as soon as you almost froze yourself to death? I’m not saying you weren’t having a mental breakdown, you were, but, wow, did that particular circumstance also happen to put me on an immediate time limit to get the fuck over myself or you were gonna die.”

“And the thing that gets me is that it really probably was a coincidence.” Kaito sighed, brow furrowing, “But then there’s little shit. Petty shit. Like, things that really aren’t your fault, not even a little bit, or things that are shitty of me to be, like, ‘oh boo-hoo’ about–”

“Kaito, you’re being vague again.” Dr. Mariah told him.

“Sorry, I’m just… embarrassed. The more I think about it the more unreasonable I feel.” Kaito admitted, “Especially the things that Kokichi couldn’t control. Like…” Kaito huffed, looking frustrated with himself, “...when the war was ending, and everything was falling apart back home, Kokichi… god, I feel gross, but Kokichi was in a coma and it’s like… obviously that’s not his fault, that’s not anyone’s fault, except maybe that bitch Cedar, but it’s, like, well… that’s one more fucking thing that I have to put on hold, dealing with it. Ugh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that’s not… that’s not Kokichi’s fault. That’s not anyone’s fault–”

“Incorrect.” Dr. Mariah said simply.

At that, Kaito gave Dr. Mariah a dry look, “... look, feeling it was embarrassing enough, but saying it aloud makes me realize how fucking crazy it is, for me to complain about that. Kokichi coul–”

“He couldn’t. Agreed.” Dr. Mariah said,something lighting up in her eyes, pinning something down as she said, “Kokichi, though, is not your whole world. He is not the only person in your life, and when something happens to him, or he’s unavailable, or it's you competing over support against him? You’re right, that’s not his fault or his responsibility, but I think that’s where you’re mentally getting hung up. You being ignored during a difficult time in favor of taking care of someone else doesn’t invalidate your feelings of being trapped into not getting to process your own pain. You should have still been getting support from somewhere.”

“This is the main failure, of truly codependent relationships.” Dr. Mariah said, “If Kokichi is literally in a coma, the only people around you shouldn’t be simply people who are only invested in your relationship with Kokichi. I’m aware from previous discussions that when it comes to your family, Kaito, Shuichi historically can be difficult to go to for comfort.” Dr. Mariah said, looking to Shuichi, who gave her a slightly wary look back, “And Maki was out literally fighting the war. And you historically struggle to connect to people in Dicea, especially over issues happening in your home country.”

“So, if you feel like you had no support during a time when all that was happening, along with your husband falling into a coma at the same time? You’re probably correct. And if you feel guilty that you struggle with that memory because that seems like an unfair expectation on your husband? You’re actually also correct about that. It is, he was in a coma and could have done literally nothing to help the situation.” 

“You’re only wrong in believing that feeling as if you couldn’t process your own feelings in that situation means that you’re accusing Kokichi of doing something wrong. You feeling trapped in a support role during your own time of pain and Kokichi being blameless in that can both be true at the same time. And is. You’re allowed to feel bitter that you didn’t get the help you needed at the time, without insulting your husband or demeaning what he went through at the same time.”

“...” Kaito rubbed the back of his neck, “...okay, well… then yeah. But…” Kaito suddenly looked uncertain, “...okay, thank you. Hearing that does help with some of the things that I’ve been struggling with. But… there really is stuff that Kokichi does do. I feel like I’m explaining myself poorly, cause, there really is stuff that I’m struggling with, when it comes to me and Kokichi,” Kaito said, giving Kokichi a look that was a little more guilty than outraged now, a little embarrassed as he said, “But the first thing I could think to bring up was something that really wasn’t your fault, ‘Kichi. I’m sorry, that’s… I know this isn’t helpful. It’s not your fault if you say things that hurt me when I can’t even, like, fucking express why I’m hurt, and instead I’m just… rambling and floundering… I’m sorry. I’m sure this is fucking frustrating. I’m not trying to be difficult.”

…that was the sort of thing Kokichi meant, when he said no one could be someone’s everything. The worries he had, as the months went by and his family wasn’t connecting with anyone outside their little group. Kokichi had sworn himself to be there as emotional support--and support in general--for his family, more than he thought, as being heir apparent of Dicea. 

But that vow didn’t mean that he could support every instance of his family needing it. If he could, he absolutely would! …but he couldn’t. Sometimes he would be away, or there would be an emergency he couldn’t leave to anyone else…sometimes he was in a coma. So…his family needed other people they could depend on too. 

But Kokichi wasn’t blameless in this… Just for his coma. 

“I believe you,” Kokichi gave Kaito a small nod, and a warmer look than he’d had since they started arguing. Though, it quickly drained into a look of regret and grief. “It wasn’t info dumping on you…but I was very cruel to you when we got the news about your parents. I was ill, and panicked, and took that out on you, instead of being the support and understanding you really needed. And…fuck. I regret my actions from that constantly…”

“I have, every time I lose my head,” Kokichi looked off to the side, frowning. “I realize I can’t expect to go through life never panicking, or acting on gut impulses without thinking…but I just want the shitty decisions I make when I do to…be less shitty. Not cause so much harm to my loved ones.”

“Making mistakes in the moment, while not impossible to lesson, is impossible to avoid entirely.” Dr. Mariah said, her expression matter of fact, “You all might have noticed, that sometimes I will let you all argue with each other, and escalate and escalate. I know Shuichi knows it, as he gives me the dirtiest looks when he’s waiting for me to intervene.”

“‘Dirty’ feels like an exaggeration,” Shuichi said cooly.

Dr. Mariah smiled lightly at that, “You all are never going to get to the point where you don’t make mistakes, or don’t fight, or don’t hurt each other in the moment. No one does. Most of what being in a healthy relationship is knowing how to handle the aftermath, and being willing to put in the work to at least show that you’re trying. Most people, unless they have issues that really have nothing to do with their partners, really do just take a great deal of comfort in knowing the other really is trying. It’s what most relationships survive on, that understanding of effort.”

“Knowing that your actions require time after everything is done, to reassure each other, apologize, heal some of the hurt… what happens after a fight can often matter more than what happens during it. Same with crisis situations.”

“Kokichi… you did apologize to me about my parents, already.” Kaito said, giving his husband a small smile… before looking away. Massaging the back of his neck as he admitted, “Sure, I think I had to call you out on it first before you did, but that should have been something I did before I was, like, having a breakdown about it. I can’t even remember what had upset me so much that I brought it up, but I do remember bringing it up… and I remember feeling better about it after talking to you about it. Like, I wasn’t going to bring that up now, because we have talked about it. And…there was so much shit going on, and you…” Kaito shrugged, “Let’s be honest, babe, you barely knew me. And you had no reason to love my family. And… you have supported me about my parents since then. You give me opportunities to talk about them without, like, shoving anything they did in my face, you let me… say nice things about them. You encourage it! And… that’s really meant a lot to me. I know it took a while for you to notice I needed that, but you did. And… it really has meant so much to me, that you do that.”

“And that’s the thing, that’s what I don’t know why I can’t just talk to you. Because you listen! You really do!” Kaito said, looking exasperated with himself, “You’re considerate and thoughtful and most of the time when you’ve hurt someone you just need someone pointing it out! So, I don’t know why I struggle to bring stuff up so much. I guess I just… don’t want you to feel like you can’t ever make mistakes with me, Kokichi. You can…”

Something about this speech seemed to finally give Kaito the courage to say things that had been bothering him, and he sputtered out, “Sometimes I feel like I’ll try to do things that will help, or at least will make me feel like I’m helping, and you’ll go out of your way to make me feel stupid about them.”

“And I feel bad bringing that up, because I know what you’re actually trying to do is make things easier on me by talking me out of my, like, neurosis habits, but… I feel like everything I’ve ever tried to contribute to the family at some point or another has been talked about like it’s irrelevant. I go to show support at your events and I’m reminded that there’s no need for me to be there! I volunteer to help with the avalanche to honor you and I’m told it didn’t. I bring treasures and am told they’re worthless here, I save up money for the kids future and I’m given this pitying look of why bother. Literally the only things I’ve ever managed to contribute without being talked down to about it has been my responsibilities to the kids and keeping the room clean. Fuck, I bought a lock for our room thinking that would be something important to you and I got an ‘aw, that’s cute’ reaction!”

“It’s not that I don’t recognize why I’m getting these reactions.” Kaito said, something frustrated in his gaze as he looked up at Kokichi, “It’s just…I get… jealous. Sometimes. Because you’re…” Kaito’s gaze fell, realizing he felt like this as he said it, discovering that with them, “...important, and loved, and powerful and needed. And you always have been and you always will be. And… I can’t do fucking anything without feeling a little shitty about it. And I feel like you’ll just say things that drives that home to me. I think you were just trying to make me feel less responsible for whatever happened, but you telling other Kaito that it didn’t matter that he gave up his destiny thing because what could he have… what could I have really hoped to accomplish anyway? Fuck, babe… didn’t you know that would hurt? That even my hypothetical accomplishments were somehow, just… worthless?”

Kokichi deflated, looking at Kaito with muted horror and guilt because…that is what he ended up doing, wasn’t it? Not what he intended, but…everything Kaito tried to do, Kokichi brushed off with a ‘no, that’s alright’. He just…

“To me… You were freaking out about the expectations of showing up to events with me. I’m not even required to show up at most of them, so…I wanted to let you know that it was okay to do something else. I was so proud of you for signing up to help with the avalanche…but I was sick, and Shuu-chan was pregnant, and Maki-chan was gone, and…well, we talked through it.” Kokichi sighed, not looking defensive or settled explaining his thought process but just…wallowing in it. “I do think the dagger and necklace are nice, but…their value in Dicea isn’t something I control. They could be sold, if our family needed more money, but their worth is just…factually going to be less than if they were sold in Luminary. I thought you setting up an emergency fund for the kids was really kind and protective…but you were talking about how it never left you any ‘you’ money, and how you were going to struggle to come up with an additional fund for our godson. And…you had never told us about the fund. Complete financial support shouldn’t be something completely delegated to one parent, especially if it’s bleeding them dry.”

“...the lock was nice, but…sure, the lack of privacy was a little annoying sometimes, but it had never been something that bothered me. Mostly…I was just happy with how happy you and Shuu-chan were by the lock.”

Kokichi’s expression fell further. “...I don’t think the purpose you would’ve had in Luminary is worthless. I think destinies and prophesies are bullshit, and vague, and put too much pressure on people who would do great things without that expectation if they were just allowed to act on their own sensibilities. Just like the revolution that happened, if you had been the one to change things in Luminary? Even not knowing you in that life, I would’ve thought you were incredible.”

“...I’m sorry I don’t listen,” Kokichi said softly, his eyes swimming slightly. “That I make you feel like you don’t accomplish anything… I think you’re amazing. I just…want to protect you, and see everything you do…but I just end up belittling the things you do instead, huh.”

Kaito’s shoulders fell a little. Uncomfortably massaging the back of his neck, trying to ease the tension there, “...dammit. I always like to daydream about finally telling someone off and, like, telling people what I really think and demanding apologies and all of that. But it never actually feels good when I do it. I don’t like you feeling like you did something wrong, cause really I do know you don’t do any of that shit on purpose…”

“You were fairly confident, Kaito, a moment ago, that Kokichi’s apology was insincere.” Dr. Mariah pointed out. Not to call him out, but more trying to make certain they got into all parts of this, “I believe specifically because you were arguing that he did do these things on purpose, and he wasn’t apologizing for that. I don’t believe you made that accusation idly.”

Kaito winced at that, looking vaguely frustrated at the call out anyway. He had said a lot of things in the heat of the moment, and a part of him wanted to insist he hadn’t actually meant it, but… he was pretty sure he understood what Dr. Mariah meant by bringing it up. Kaito usually did say what he meant, when he was exploding like that. But now that he was calmer, he wasn’t sure why he had said it. But there had been a reason…

A part of Kaito wanted to say that Lake said that Kokichi pulled the same pattern that was frustrating Kaito with her. But he couldn’t, because one: that wasn’t fair to Lake, using her words against Kokichi without her around to defend herself. And two: Cause Kaito, even in his most frustrated moments, didn’t think Kokichi was using his illnesses against them. And he never wanted to hold Kokichi’s body against him… in a non-sexy way. Kokichi was allowed to be sick, and it was allowed to be at any damn time, even if the timing was inconvenient. His husband couldn’t just put that shit on hold for a free weekend, and Kaito was never going to suggest he could.

…but then fuck, what had Kaito meant? He had refused Kokichi’s apology over it, he must have had something in mind…

“...you do listen, Kokichi, I’m just… kinda bad at expressing myself sometimes. Cause if I seem stressed out about trying to contribute, it’s usually because I’m stressed about doing it right. It’s not the effort itself, it’s just this constant nagging feeling that I’m doing it wrong. And usually I’m right to feel that way.” Kaito said, rolling his eyes at himself a little, “Turns out your Luminary Prince is bad at working out priorities. Maybe not surprising, I’ve always based what I was going to do next on other peoples expectations. And, heh… that lead to me having a pretty open and wild life. Cause no one past twelve ever had any real expectations of me. Hell, I always resented Byakuya pushing me into the military academy, but looking back at it? At least he wanted something for me. I was just being whoever my partners wanted me to be month by month, and all they really wanted was someone fun to sleep with.”

“I like being a dad.” Kaito mused, “The kids are demanding and needy and I never feel like I wasted my time on them. Everything counts, with them. But I don’t need you to be like that. I just wish it didn’t feel like you…”

Kaito’s eyes widened, realizing what he had been trying to say as he looked up at Kokichi, “...I feel like you have really strong opinions of who I shouldn’t be. But no real strong opinions of who I should be. So you’ll do all these little things to discourage me from being stuff you don’t like, but you get really dismissive and flippant about things you don’t really care about one way or another. Which…” Kaito blinked, “Is actually kind of fine? I don’t even know if that’s something you need to change. I think I just needed to realize you were doing that, cause I kept feeling bad that I wasn’t doing it ‘right’. But I don’t think there’s actually a ‘right’ way to do things, with you. Only wrong ways. So long as I’m not doing the wrong things, you’re kinda okay with me being whoever… does that make sense?”

Even if it wasn’t on purpose, it still didn’t make it okay. There was a lot that Kokichi didn’t do purposefully that really hurt people, and…that sucked. He sucked. In some ways, it was harder to break a habit or tendency that you didn’t even know you had, but…he was trying. Just because something was hard, and he might make mistakes that still hurt people, it didn’t mean he was going to give up trying to be better. 

He was still learning what better looked like, though. 

Kokichi’s eyes widened after Kaito’s, as he explained it, just trying…

…if Kaito based his ‘right thing to do’ compass based on other people’s expectations, and Kokichi was only…showing what he thought the ‘wrong’ way was? …god, that sounded aggravating. But for the right way…

Kokichi chewed on his lip, giving Kaito a nod. “...I do, do that, don’t I…”

He traced the edge of the egg for a moment. “...I don’t feel comfortable declaring to you, or to anyone, that there’s a right way to live. Because…there are a lot of ways. A lot I have a concept of, and many, many more that I don’t, that I can only understand through hearing about other people’s experiences. …you’re right, that there isn’t really…a right way for you to be, in my eyes. As long as you’re…yanno, taking care of yourself, and not getting arrested, and doing your part with the kids…then whatever makes you happy is the right way, and that makes me happy.”

“...but…I shouldn’t be dismissive of the ‘okay’ things,” he frowned. “If it’s something that’s right for you…I should get excited with you. That’s the basis of support. Not just being there to help when things are tough, but to rejoice in the good times. …I’m sorry I haven’t cherished you. You’re worth the world to me…”

…Kaito lit up. A small flush on his face as he scratched his cheek a little, glancing away, “...aw, babe…”

Shuichi, in turn, had been listening to all of this with an increasingly concerned look, “...I suppose I’ve never really felt that way about how Kokichi views me, because I’m used to orders being more direct than that. I suppose I’d feel more uneasy about expectations if I thought I was always having to interpret them. I can’t say I’ve ever had that same anxiety with Kokichi.” Nao, sure, but he had literally been looking at her as a make-shift master while he was drugged up. It just didn’t translate to how he felt with his lovers, sober. “But, Kaito… do we make you feel like that?”

“Oh, uh… I mean, not to the same extent. I think because you guys already know all of my flaws and, like, I know you know? Kokichi I’m trying to live up too, you guys already know I’m a fucking mess, like, ninety percent of the time.” Kaito grinned, honestly looking far lighter after all of that. “But I want to live up to Kokichi’s expectations… he just doesn’t really have any for me. Like, specifically. And I just gotta be aware of that instead of twisting myself into knots over it. And… I don’t really think I can ask Kokichi to stop being upset when I do things wrong. But…”

Kaito shrugged, looking sheepish, “Whatever, I don’t care if it’s ‘dog’ energy, I’ll fucking take an ‘atta boy’ every now and again. It kinda feels stupid to realize that’s basically what I’m asking for, but… I don’t know. I guess it was getting to me.”

He knew he hadn’t touched the issue that Lake had been referencing, specifically. That Kokichi could get kinda difficult to talk too, when he was upset with them, could get kind of mean. But Kaito didn’t know if he really wanted to say that, because the last thing he wanted was Kokichi to not tell him when he was upset. He’d rather deal with the tension then just not know. But it was genuinely a relieving thought, that Kokichi might be willing to put some of that energy into encouraging Kaito when he was trying to be better. Even if Kokichi didn’t necessarily mean it, Kaito appreciated the idea of support.

“Geez, I can’t believe I put us through all that just to ask for a random, like… ‘good job’ comment.” Kaito sighed, rolling his eyes at himself, before grinning at Kokichi, “I’m sorry, babe, I didn’t know what I was asking for. I feel like I made you sound way worse than you actually are, trying to pin down what was bothering me. Honestly, you’re so good to me that I just feel like an asshole every time something upsets me, and I think I just let that shit build until it becomes a real problem because of that. You really are amazing, and I just… I want you to know that. I’m sorry if I don’t appreciate that enough, especially when I’m all in my head and pissed off.”

Well, Kokichi was glad he wasn’t making Shuuichi upset with his negative bias, but…Shuuichi deserved to be cherished too. Kokichi did feel like he complimented his partners frequently, but he could put more effort into praising their efforts on things specifically. Paying more attention, sharing in their accomplishments. 

…it didn’t feel great to hear that Kaito felt like he had to hide his flaws around him though. That he couldn’t know the “real” Kaito. Maybe that was something to discuss later.

Shaking his head a little, Kokichi offered Kaito a small smile. “‘All that’ was necessary, and wanting to have positive recognition from your partner isn’t a superfluous thing. You were hurting and upset, and I needed to listen to you. I’m happy that you could explain that to me.”

“And I feel appreciated,” he smiled a little more. “Even when you’re mad. I really need to take some pages from your book, when it comes to praise and encouragement.”

Kaito grinned at that, kicking his foot lightly into the roof flooring as his egg shifted back and forth a bit… before he suddenly said, half serious, half a pout, “I’m still yelling at Nellis when I get the chance.”

“I’m still not certain if you considering Kokichi and his earlier lives as separate people is the way forward.” Dr. Mariah pointed out, “And I’d like to remind you that you just said you usually find out after getting upset with someone that you don’t enjoy making them upset.”

“Well, sure, when they’re sweethearts, like Kokichi and Maki-roll.” Kaito said, ignoring the small sigh and scoff from Maki and Shuichi respectively, “Even when I’m pissed at them, I don’t like seeing them actually upset. But guys like Nellis?” Kaito’s grin widened. More baring teeth now, then actually grinning, “By the time you pull an apology out of those jerks? That shits a victory. Dude wants to fucking possess my husband and scare the shit out of him and drop a bunch of shit on our heads and cause fights… oh, I am having words with him.”

“Again… ‘possessing’ is maybe the wrong word. It’s really more you having a discussion with Kokichi back in time.”

“Well, then Kokichi from a hundred years ago or whatever needs his future husband to have words with him.”

“Kaito, I feel like I am not getting through to you.” Dr. Mariah said dryly, something amused in her tone. “But, that does lead back to our original crisis discussion. Navigating this new normal of souls and gods and destinies and reincarnations… it’s a lot to process, and it all affects the relationships. Up to and including, apparently, navigating how to interact with the ‘other’ parts of yourselves.”

Again…that hadn’t been Nellis’ intention. And it would probably feel like garbage to have Kaito yell at him, even if it wasn’t ‘current’ him. But Kokichi could only give Kaito a weak shrug, not about to deny his husband the chance. 

Sighing softly, off to the next subject, a considering expression came across Kokichi’s face. “Now that I know, there shouldn’t be another case of one of my past lives randomly fronting. All that knowledge is there for my convenience, to have another point of consultation when I need wisdom on a problem…theoretically.”

“...and I explained…or Nellis explained, before, that they can’t actually front in my physical body,” he frowned with a nod. “That only happened before because I was already just a projection. So…what should happen, is the fact of my reincarnations not really…affecting much, day to day, unless I specifically seek out information from within myself.”

Kaito sighed, shaking his head a little, “All those small chances for an older version of ‘Kichi to speak up and make an impression, and Nellis only managed to earn himself a pissed off future husband. Shame.”

“‘Current’ husband, Kaito. Again, this is all still just Kokichi. Just older and younger.” Dr. Mariah cautioned him, she herself becoming more comfortable to the idea the more she mentally explored it. “It’s about as effective as yelling at a memory of Kokichi when he was fourteen.”

“Fourteen year old Kokichi also needed a damn scolding, sometimes. The way I hear it.” Kaito huffed.

“Well… be that as it may, it’s still not effective in changing anything, because those were all past versions of Kokichi. You can’t meet someone’s inner child and expect them to grow up. They already did. It’s like yelling at a picture.”

“No, it’s not.” Kaito frowned, looking entirely unconvinced, “Because Nellis showed up two days ago. Doing stuff. You know what that makes him? Kokichi, but, like, one who needs a damn reality check.”

“But Nellis is a memory, Kaito. He can’t grow any more, or develop as a person. Or, well, he could, and he did. Into Kokichi as you know him. It’s done.”

“Okay, I get what you’re trying to say, in theory,” Kaito said, frowning, “But I’m saying that the guy from two days ago was absolutely around, making his own damn decisions, and earning his own telling off.”

“It’s alright,” Kokichi said softly, giving Dr. Mariah a small smile. “Memories can’t change, but when they interact with current people, then it’s not just…a stagnant snapshot. Basically…the other day, me at my worst, as a teen was very cruel to Kai-chan. He deserves to get a resolution to that.”

And maybe it would let him have a better perspective when it came to Kaito too. Understand his husband a little more. 

“Let me know when you wanna do it, Kai-chan,” Kokichi nodded to Kaito. “I can come visit you, and pull Nellis up.”

Kaito gave Kokichi a slightly worried look at that… before he sighed, “Look, I know I sound unreasonable. But if I can literally tell a part of Kokichi to be more damn considerate to himself, then I’m going to fucking do it. That shit wasn’t just awful to me, it was awful to all of us.”

“If I was some sort of like… old spiritual mentor memory thing? That’s not how I’d tell future me that my fates all locked up. I’d be all, like… soothing! And mystical! Like, Kokichi would have had a dream of sitting beneath a waterfall, and, like, voices would bubble up through literal bubbles, and when he was asking, like ‘oooooh, who are you?’’ Kaito said, his voice pitching to Kokichi tone, eyes widening slightly, “The bubbles would all move away from the breaking water around him and form into a, like, a water bubble person and be like–” Then, in Nellis’s tone, “We are your past lives, and we come with good tidings and grave warnings…”

“Like that! That’s how that shit should have happened!” Kaito said, looking exasperated, “Not them shoving that info down his throat and starting a fight with his handsome, rugged husband! He needs to be nicer to himself! That was such a dick move!”

Dr. Mariah blinked at that rant a bit, looking genuinely surprised… before she smiled lightly, “You have a very rich imagination, Kaito.”

“Mmmhm.” Shuichi hummed, looking a little fond.

“... I think he has a point.” Maki said, tilting her head a little, “I mean, not entirely, some of that is just Kaito being Kaito–”

“Rude.” Kaito muttered.

“--but there’s something to the idea that if we’re struggling with our own ‘others’, that we should be taking steps as a group to deal with it. I don’t know if yelling at him is the solution, but I also don’t think ‘possession’ is the wrong interpretation of what happened to Kokichi, based on their accounts. And that should be something we’re watching out for, for each other.” Maki said, “I’d hope if I suddenly went around saying ‘grrr, I’m a dragon’, someone would tell her to fuck off and give me the reigns again.”

Kokichi chuckled softly. That was just…such a Kaito idea of gaining enlightenment from his past selves. Not really something that had a chance of happening, if he was understanding things correctly, but nice imagery nonetheless. 

(...and it had been cruel to him too, but…the direct comparison he kept making to Nellis was never categorized by being nice to himself. Kokichi had been miserable, living like that. Nellis…slightly less so, but the part that was he just pretended he didn’t care about.

…it was just sad.)

“Well, like I said, that shouldn’t happen again,” Kokichi shook his head towards Maki. “I was looking for answers within myself and…well, I found them. I know how to bring up my past selves now, so it’s not something I should be able to do by accident. But…yeah. It’s definitely a group discussion sort of thing, for all of our cases, I think.”

“I still want to know what Shuichi’s deal is going to be.” Maki mused.

“Shuichi doesn’t have a deal.” Kaito sighed, giving Maki a tired look, “You know what his deal was? Having a magic baby. That’s enough of a deal. Shuichi! No more deals!”

“Loud and clear.” Shuichi said, tapping his finger to the brim of his hat, then lazily out to Kaito, “No more deals, got it.”

“He’s going to have a deal.” Maki said, giving them an unimpressed look, “All of us have ‘weird soul things’. What do you think the odds are that Shuichi doesn’t have a ‘weird soul thing’?”

“It does give the impression that there’s something…” Shuichi waved his hand vaguely at all of them, “Designed about this, doesn’t it? Actually, I have a question…”

Shuichi sat up, adjusting the brim of his hat, before giving his partners a serious look, “What if we find out this isn’t a coincidence? Because, let’s be honest, based on the evidence laid out, there’s huge signs that our lives have been influenced by an outside source. And potentially our relationship too. We need to explore that possibility and decide what that actually means to us, before one of Kokichi’s past lives randomly shows up to give us a collective panic attack about it.”

Dr. Mariah’s face didn’t so much as flicker, as she said, “If it’s a thought experiment that concerns you, it’s worth exploring, yes.”

…if all their lives and even their relationship was planned…

Kokichi frowned softly, before he sighed. “...I’ve already said that I don’t think much of “grand plans” and all that. If it turns out that we were meant to love each other? Then…man, Atua, or anyone else that set this up decided to be very kind to me this life.”

Smiling shyly at his partners, Kokichi gave them each an adoring look. “Even if it was fated, it doesn’t diminish our promises to each other, or the efforts we’ve put in, or the validity of our feelings. Gods plan, but people act. So…to me, our relationship is all us. And that’s what matters to me.”

“Not to say I won’t hear you out if you guys have concerns,” he quickly amended, giving a more sheepish look to the group. 

Kaito scratched his chin a bit, before shrugging, “I mean, us getting together with Shuichi feels really random. But, everything else about our group? I mean… well, it was pretty influenced outside of our control, to least throw us all together. I mean, okay, so…” Kaito hummed, looking up at the blue sky, a small bead of sweat pouring down the side of his face, “If Maki and Shuichi and I were ‘orchestrated’ to meet, then, like… I mean, we were ten. People set up kids on playdates hoping they’ll be friends all the time. And, like, if we had to be friends? You two sure didn’t make that easy. That shit took work, to even get my foot in the door.”

“Well, that’s a point, actually.” Shuichi said, taking out his journal and opening it up, creating a little branching tree as he said, writing out Kaito at the top line, with a small, quick sketch of Kaito’s silhouette, “Kaito, in all of our relationships, whether friendship or sexual or whatever, you have always been the driving force in these relationships happening. And, if it is a god? Orchestrating this? Well, we’ve established that your soul is literally custom designed. You’re a Momota with real, physical proof of godly intervention in your very being. And you’ve–”

He drew a line from Kaito, down to the name Maki, sketching a little silhouette of her as he spoke, “stalked Maki and thrown yourself at her over and over again, when you first met her, endearing yourself to her siblings and ignoring every cut and attack she ever made on you, ensuring you’d know her long term. And we find out that your shard, Kai-chan, might have been predestined to have a very serious relationship with Maki in some sense. The kind of relationship that would have needed you to be ready to handle anything with her. Which you have. Up to and including a family murder plot and a war.”

“Hmmm.” Maki said, nodding. “And I likely wouldn’t have been as friendly with you, Shuichi, without Kaito throwing us together constantly. Definitely would have never met Kokichi. At least not in good circumstances.”

“Well, Kirigiri and Nekomaru are really close… but, yeah, I guess I’ve heard they only got that close after you two started hanging out together.” Kaito admitted, “So maybe not.”

“And then with me, you only heard about me, and, again, did your stalking/harassment bit.” Shuichi said, drawing a line down to his own name and silhouette, as Kairo chuckled at that, “I actively ran from you. For a while. And you were relentless. There was no getting rid of you.”

“You make me sound way worse than I was.” Kaito said, rolling his eyes, “I came by to say hi a few times, come on…”

“And like Maki, I think it’d be unlikely we would have been as close as we were without Kaito’s interference, and I most certainly would have never met Kokichi.” Shuichi said, drawing a line from Kaito to Kokichi, before copying the little cartoon face he had seen Kokichi draw of himself, mentally tracing it as he said, “And, finally, of course, Kokichi. And, while that one wasn’t technically Kaito’s willpower alone, as he was sent here with what only barely qualified as his own consent, he did ask Maki and I to come with him, and Kaito was, if it’s not unkind to say,” Shuichi said, glancing up at Kokichi, “Largely the driving force for why you two managed to become friends at all, let alone fall in love with each other. Me too, honestly. I don’t think Kokichi would have ever pursued me, without Kaito’s open and earnest interest in the idea first, whether I was sick or not.”

Making the connecting lines from Kokichi to Shuichi to Maki, and them with each other, Shuichi showed them the graph, the lines all interconnecting the group, but the word ‘initial push’ and an arrow pointing the direction of the lines was all Kaito pointing to the others. Kaito watched this curiously, though his expression grew suddenly more uncomfortable and sheepish as Shuichi, with them watching, drew the sigil of an Atuan Saint behind Kaito’s head, “Shuichi, man, don’t do that, that’s blasphemous.”

“It’s just to illustrate my point.” Shuichi said, “If Kaito was designed by a god, chances are it’s Atua.” he said, before glancing at Kokichi’s silhouette, before putting the Ouma sigil next to his, “Kokichi also has divine intervention, but for Kokichi, that’s actually simply just… nothing new. He was like this long before we entered the picture. Whatever the Goddess of Wisdom did, it probably wasn’t the driving force of this, because it was set into motion centuries ago. The same, it could be suggested, with Maki’s thing,” Shuichi said, drawing a small dragon next to her silhouette, “The dragons died centuries ago. Maybe even a millenia, I don’t know, but it was a long time ago. Her being a dragon might be unrelated, though her being here specifically might be by design. Someone taking old pieces lost to time, like Maki, or reliable, established pieces of the universe, like Kokichi, and having their ‘influencing’ force interact with them for a specific purpose,” Shuichi said, pointing to Kaito’s picture, looking up to Kaito as he said, “Maki alone would be a coincidence. Kokichi alone, a coincidence. Both? You’ve said it, that it seems like you’ve not done anything with your life other then make connections with people, relentlessly trying to meet their expectations, living for your relationships. Maybe this–” Shuichi circled the group, all four of them, “Is what you were designed for.”

Kaito peered at the paper, frowning… before saying uncertainly, “Why?” 

“Also, handsome, no offense, you’re super cool and special too, but… you don’t exactly fit the profile of ‘Ancient Dragon’ and ‘Most Powerful Empath in Existence’... can we say that yet?” Kaito asked, giving Kokichi a grin, “Like, that’s true, right? You’re, like, the Empath?”

Shuichi sighed, looking down at his paper, “...admittedly, my theory does fall short when it comes to ‘why’. Annnnd you are right, no offense taken. I don’t fit the profile of ‘ancient powerful being’ who needed the determined ‘Power of Friendship’ to tame and wrangle. At my most mystical, I was just a guy who was good at puzzles and took drugs that one time.”

“And was also the super handsome and cool detective who solved crimes and–”

“Yes, yes, I know Kaito, I’m amazing, thank you.” Shuichi said distractedly, looking at his paper.

Even just saying it as an establishing fact, without getting down into it--though Kokichi did think the illustration was very neat--it was true that Kaito was the driving force behind them all meeting and having a relationship. They all made the glue, but that initial tug was all Kaito. 

Before everything that had happened, Kokichi had wanted some kind of positive relationship with the man who would be his husband, but…

(...it made a little more sense, now, why he had just been so ready to hear that Kaito would want to leave. Why they would act like strangers living in the same place. It had happened before.)

But as for genuinely falling in love with Kaito, and getting the drive to make things work with him…it had been Kaito’s desperate plea in the greenhouse that convinced Kokichi that there was a future for them, if they worked for it. 

He hadn’t wanted to be cruel to his new husband’s escorts, and he had thought Shuuichi and Maki were kinda cool at the start, but with their propensity for distance, Kokichi likely wouldn’t have pursued anything deeper than being acquaintances. And, well, neither of them would’ve come to Dicea at all if not for Kaito. 

If…their relationship had a cosmic purpose, and Kaito was “designed” to make sure it would happen, then…

(...Shuuichi was some guy that took drugs once…that allowed him to conceive. Kokichi wouldn’t enter a sexual relationship with Maki, and…it would’ve been complicated between her and Shuuichi, if Maki had been the one on Poppy. Kokichi would’ve likely died from one dose. Kaito had been on it, but nearly destroyed himself. 

Shuuichi had been on Poppy, had survived it, had gotten pregnant with a child that was his, Kaito’s, and Kokichi’s…and Maki was protecting that child’s mind. 

A child who was a powerful Empath, and an incredibly strong Flora. Was Miya…)

Kokichi swallowed, deciding to think more about that…later. “Maybe we don’t have all the information…but trying to decode it might be counterproductive. If the plan for all of us depended on us knowing it…we would’ve been told it, in some way. And I’m pretty damn pleased being engaged to Shuu-chan, without any grand cosmic purpose declaring the reason he should be.”

Shuichi nodded absentmindedly, still puzzling over the paper as he said, “Oh, obviously none of this would change the relationship itself. In the same way that knowing Kaito is designed, at least on some level, doesn’t invalidate Kaito’s existence. If these relationships started because Kaito was the type of person that would have found himself liking people like us,and had the determined single-mindedness to pursue it, well… that’s still the Kaito that we all fell in love with. That doesn’t change.”

“...aww.” Kaito murmured, looking a little pleased, if a little embarrassed at that.

“No, the main reason I wanted to explore it wasn’t to deconstruct it. It’s just…” Shuichi tapped his pen near the edge of his mouth, before looking to Kaito, “Well, you, and the three of you that make you up… you exist, Kaito, because you agreed to exist, ultimately. Actually, that’s fascinating, you were in the unique position where you agreed to be born. With an idea already established of the sort of challenges that would make. The amount of times I’ve heard ‘I never chose to be born’... and you have a pretty fierce desire to live. That’s pretty interesting in itself. But, that’s beside the point.”

Shuichi shook his head, getting his thoughts back on track, “I just thought, considering how insecure you feel about being ‘useless’ and having given up every opportunity to have some big, hugely influential role in history in one way or another… well, all three of you gave up those big, important roles for something ‘more’. Right?” Shuichi said, tilting his head slightly, smiling lightly, “Maybe this is mindreading, but wouldn’t it be amazing, to learn that in a cosmic sense, you being a ‘good partner’ really did matter? That this life you’ve picked for yourself, literally, wasn’t you wasting your potential, but realizing it? That even just the act of being here and doing this–” Shuichi waved his hand vaguely around the roof, “--was its own act of heroism?”

Kaito gave Shuichi a bewildered look… before he wiped some of the sweat off his forehead, wiping his hand on his shirt before digging his palm into his eye, looking away and turning beet red. “...no, that’s… I mean, that’s a nice thought, but… god, that’s some wish-fulfillment shit right there, that’s…” Kaito’s face grew more uncomfortable, clearly embarrassed with how pleased by that thought he was.”That’s a little much, Shuichi.”

“I’m just pointing out the facts and offering an admittedly rosy, but still very plausible scenario.” Shuichi said, smirking lightly as he leaned back, pleased with himself. It wasn’t very often, he felt like he said something that genuinely felt flattering, to Kaito. Shuichi tried his best, but he wasn’t good at grand gestures, and his snarkiness and sarcasm could ruin even genuine attempts to flatter or make Kaito happy. And while Kaito wasn’t falling all over himself, he had a feeling he had put a nice thought into Kaito’s head for his fiance to look at and analyze later. A version of his life where he was not a failure, but someone who had succeeded at exactly what he had set out to do.

Kokichi smiled, the expression growing more as he looked over to Kaito. “I really like that idea, actually. You know Kai-chan’s always been a hero to me, but for the universe to look at what you’re doin’ every day here and bein’ like, ‘Wooo!!! That’s my guy! Look at him go!’? It feels right. Even if that might just be me projecting onto cosmic things.”

It was still important for it to come from Kokichi himself, but if Kaito was feeling like he needed more encouragement in life? The whole universe cheering for him to keep being such a stellar partner and father was pretty amazing. One hell of an ego trip. 

Glancing over with a smile as he felt a wave of self-satisfaction from Shuuichi, Kokichi giggled softly before he slicked some sweat out of his face. He didn’t want to come off as trying to shut Kaito up, but…

“...uh, actually, if it’s alright… Do you think we could move inside soon? Or take a longer break? The heat’s starting to get to me, a bit.”

“I still feel like Kaito will lose some of his participation in that environment, but. We’re halfway through our time, and we did manage to talk about what was more urgently bothering him, it seems, at the moment. So, I don’t feel like I’m unduly sabotaging any of you by this point to move downstairs, no.” Dr. Mariah said, looking to Shuichi, Maki and Kaito, “Any objections?”

“I’m the one who was arguing for it, so even if I’m the one ‘missing out’, I’m for it!” Kaito said cheerfully, getting up and going to collect the cups and pitchers himself, assuming Dr. Mariah would want them brought down, “That, and maybe a break to cool down and drink some water? Say hi to the fish! Do you think they get lonely?”

“They do not.” Dr. Mariah said, no doubt in her mind. “For a variety of reasons, the biggest being there’s hundreds of them in there. And also all my other clients have their sessions in the office, so it’s not like I don’t make use of it in literally every other part of my day.”

“Oh… then do the koi fish miss us?” Kaito asked, somewhat hopefully, “Since we’re the only ones who have our sessions here?”

The answer was, again, no. But Dr. Mariah good naturedly said, “Perhaps. They do seem to enjoy attention.”

As Kaito grinned at that, giving the fish little goodbye coo’s as Shuichi and Maki got up and stretched a bit, Shuichi sighing in relief as he fanned himself in the face, “I’m glad we’re heading in. It really has been too warm today for sitting on a roof.”

“If I’m really a dragon, why don’t I have heat resistance?” Maki grumbled, taking out her black handkerchief and patting her face with it, “I should at least get heat resistance.”

“‘Kichi, grab the door for me?” Kaito called from the door, his hands full of tray.

Even so, Kokichi still shot an apologetic look Kaito’s way. It was why he offered to just take a longer break instead--he just needed a little time to cool down, literally. But since Kaito had brought it up first, and no one was objecting…

More water, and better shade from the heat. Hmm… Maybe they could hang out in the basement lounge when they got home. He’d get the little wrist-fan from Souda too. It wasn’t ‘melt on the floor in a puddle’ hot, but the longer Kokichi spent out in the sun, the more it was starting to get there. 

Popping up, Kokichi darted over to the roof door to hold it for Kaito and the others, giving Maki a slight grin. “It’s kinda bullshit, huh. Like…I’m not sayin’ you should be able to bathe in lava, but Maki-chan really should be able to breeze on by mid-80s days without battin’ an eye.”

“Exactly. This is bullshit.” Maki grumbled, heading inside.

As Kaito scurried over to the kitchenette, Dr. Mariah and Shuichi and Maki heading to the office, Kaito looked back to Kokichi and called, “Babe, would you give me a hand putting together more water in the pitcher?”

“Sure thing!” Kokichi chirped, quickly walking after Kaito, already feeling better just by being indoors. 

Taking the pitcher, Kokichi moved over to the tap, holding the jug under to fill. …probably with both hands by the time it was full, but an extra second of the tap running while he put it down was fine. 

“...I love you a lot, hun.”

Kaito chuckled as his husband went ahead and just refilled the water himself. It wasn’t really a two person job, he had just wanted too…

Kaito wrapped his arms around Kokichi’s shoulders, hugging him tightly from behind as he kissed the back of his head, resting his cheek on it. “I know you do. I love you, Kokichi.” Kaito said, kissing the back of his head again, “I’m sorry if the shit I say ever makes you doubt that. Me knowing that you love me, I mean. I know I can be kind of needy sometimes… you really do a lot for me. I’m sorry I don’t focus on that more.”

While he was sure to keep the jug steady, Kokichi pressed back into Kaito’s embrace happily. “Thank you… I feel like you do focus on it a lot, still. And if you’re needy then, hey, lucky I’m a guy that likes to fulfill needs,” he chuckled.

“...I’m just still learning, for some of it. So…I appreciate your patience, for some of it, and your willingness to tell me when I’m wrong for the rest. While I’m frustratingly vague, when Kai-chan outlines what his expectations are? It’s wonderfully clear.”

Kaito grinned slightly at that, reaching over Kokichi’s shoulders to take the pitcher from him. Lifting it over his head, and waiting for Kokichi to turn around so he could grin down at him and then lean down to give him a quick kiss, “You’re perfect. Your imperfections just make you, like, actually dateable. My good Kokichi… ya know, I know it’s come with a lot of baggage… a whoooooole lotta baggage…” Kaito grinned at him, something wolfish in it, all teeth as he leaned in for another kiss, “I’ve always found power very sexy. You being at least one of the most powerful, oldest people in the world? Wow… like, I thought you looking over paperwork at a desk was hot as fuck. That’s just spoiling me, babe.”

Snorting softly, Kokichi turned off the water before he turned around, happily surprised by the kiss. Even with all his faults…Kaito did love him a lot. That never stopped being true, no matter what other feelings came and went. 

Kokichi indulged one more kiss before weaving off to the side, picking up the tray with their glasses to bring back to Dr. Mariah’s office. “Well…you do need to have words with Nellis, but…I could look for interesting bits further back, if you wanted. Describe what being a monarch in eras past was like…see if there’s anything particularly interesting there…”

“...but we are on billed time, right now,” he nodded towards the door. “So as much as I wanna fawn over my perfect hunk, potentially designed for love and comradery…we should get back.”

“Booooo.” Kaito boo’d, sighing as he followed Kokichi out of the employee kitchen area… before spotting the receptionist at the start of the hall, who was fussing over some paperwork. Kaito caught his eye and, grinning, gave him a wave. The receptionist gave him a bewildered look, before spotting Kokichi further down the hall and, flustering, went back to work. 

Kaito chuckled at that– it was maybe unfair, but Kaito was enjoying teasing him. No way that guy wasn’t still actively crushing on the Heir Apparent, he was too embarrassed to be over it– before heading down the hall, following Kokichi into the office. Putting the pitcher down on the tray onto the coffee table, Kaito excitedly went to the wall of fish, eyes scanning over them, trying to see if he could find a few he recognized from when they used to have meeting regularly in here. “Hi, guys… man, look at you little guys. Oh, that one looks familiar… wait, maybe not–”

“Kaito, please sit down.” Dr. Mariah said. Appreciating that the tall man was apparently in a very good mood now, but, well, they still had a session to get through. “Alright, everyone have some water. Let’s take a moment, cool down a little, while I consider the next conversation topic–”

“We should discuss what happened on the carriage.” Maki said, sounding matter of fact about it as she glanced over at Kokichi, “Honestly, I was expecting that to come up first, considering it was only yesterday.”

“Carriage incident?” Dr. Mariah asked, sipping at her water, “We were discussing things as they showed themselves to be hindering future conversations, getting through things as the proved themselves to be communication barriers. But if something happened yesterday, a new incident? Yes, it’s probably wise to explore that. Was this a group incident, or someone individually?”

“I mean, they were all handling it together, but… it was kinda a ‘Kokichi’ thing.” Kaito said, settling into the couch, sitting between Kokichi and Shuichi, Maki taking the individual chair. He had forgotten how limited the seating was in here, but then, Dr. Mariah’s relationship appointments were probably rarely in a group of four. “I wasn’t there first hand, I only heard about it a few hours later, when they got home from the funeral.”

Dr. Mariah’s aquarium really was a hell of a sight. Something he may or may not have taken inspiration from for some of his own projects…but it certainly wasn’t a patented design and…

(Well, Kaito seemed enamored.)

Pouring himself a new glass, Kokichi sipped at his water and tried to cool down, though…

He sighed, nodding a few times before looking up at Dr. Mariah. “On our way back from Corbra, there was a snake in the road that freaked out the horses, and we had to quickly stop for a moment. However…it was really similar to when I was kidnapped last year, and I freaked out.”

Looking to the side, Kokichi’s cheeks went pink, a little too delayed to blame on the heat. “...I got in front of the door and refused to let anyone leave. Then, once Nazumi let us know that there wasn’t any external issues, I just…got stuck in my head, until my father, Shuu-chan, and Maki-chan brought me back. And I was…kind of out of it for the rest of the day.”

“Trauma flashbacks.” Dr. Mariah sighed, “Not surprising, but also not pleasant. I’m actually a little surprised one of you didn’t start showing signs of something like this sooner. It’s certainly not unheard of, after an extremely terrifying event, and goodness knows you all have memories that qualify.”

“I mean, Shuichi and Kokichi both get panic attacks. Shuichi a little more regularly, but, what I’m saying is we’re not unfamiliar with members of our little group here getting entirely lost in their head,” Kaito said, scratching the back of his neck. “And we have techniques for it. But what Kokichi described to me feels more dangerous. He was actually moving and making decisions based on his. Their panic attacks, usually the most that happens is they lose control of their breathing and pass out. I kind of wish I had been there to see it, just to have a better idea of what to expect and do next time it happens.”

“Can I just say, next time, let’s not try to hand Kokichi a weapon?” Shuichi said dryly, looking to Maki, “I mean, I didn’t try to stop you, cause I was hoping it would work. But I practically shat myself, when I saw you do that in front of King Aiichi. I get why you thought that would help, you think the best way to deal with danger is to arm yourself against it, cause that will let you calm down. But it looked wildly irresponsible from an outside perspective. I was shocked Aiichi wasn’t more shocked.”

Maki looked defensive, for a moment, and when she opened her mouth Kaito thought she might argue for the practice… but instead she just pouted, puffing out her cheeks a bit. “It’s not like Kokichi couldn’t defend himself now, if he had one. He gets better with them every time we train. You’re right, I did think it’d be comforting, but… doing that in front of Aiichi was not my brightest move.”

Kokichi nodded slightly, looking to the side. He had been aware he was scared and freaking out, but he hadn’t really been cognisant of the fact that he was in the middle of a panic attack. It just felt imperative that no one leave. So no one would die again. 

It was…a little more dangerous than the kind of panic attacks they were used to in their group. 

“I think I’d be more likely to actually hurt someone with a weapon, if you put it in my hands,” Kokichi sighed. “I can appreciate what you were doing, but…I don’t think that’ll be a very good method for helping me calm down, if anything like it happens again.”

“Kai-chan and I talked about it a little,” he nodded to his husband. “Aiichi asking me to focus on my surroundings, and Shuu-chan talking about Miya, helping me place the time helped a lot. Just…gentle things to help me realize where and when I am, and waiting to touch me until I reach out, I think.”

Kokichi shook his head with a grim smile. “I was able to still recognize you guys in the moment, but…I think if anyone had grabbed me, I might’ve thought I was tied up again.”

“Have you had a chance to discuss it with your personal therapist yet, Kokichi?” Dr. Mariah prompted, sipping at some more of her water, “I imagine the answer is no, but I would strongly recommend you bring it up with her. While flashbacks happen, and there’s no real ‘fault’ in that, they can be a sign that you have some processing and introspection you still need to do with the memory in question. Working through the trauma incident with a professional really can help negate the affects, or at least make them less likely or debilitating.”

“As for how to handle it as a group? While, as Shuichi said, I can understand your impulse, Maki– a good number of terrifying things in your childhood was comforted by having a weapon nearby, and when surprised by it, we do as people often have a habit of reverting to childhood coping techniques– handing someone who is in the middle of panic when it comes to an enemy only in their minds? Never do that again. A person in that state of mind is just as likely to stab you, as they are to harm themselves with anything you give them. It’s honestly equivalent to handing a toddler a knife. They can’t be trusted with it.”

Maki nodded at that. Toddlers get bludgeoning weapons.

“As for what you can do… it sounds like you used some ‘grounding’ methods, Kokichi, when it comes to how your father and fiance reacted. Reminders of the actual environment and time around you. It sounds like it wasn’t ‘soothing’, but it did get you past the crisis point. Did anything specifically feel very effective?”

Kokichi shook his head a little. “No…we did send a message out when we got back home, but we’d already scheduled with you so I have an appointment tomorrow. Dr. Egami and I have talked about flashbacks before, but since it’s been a long time since I last had one, we mostly discussed it in hypotheticals…”

Guess it’d be more practical this time. Though…Kokichi was still kind of hoping he’d keep with the trend of not having one for, like, seven or eight years at a time. 

“Um…my father tried to guide me through the ‘five things you can see, four things you can hear’ exercise, but I started freaking out again at ‘feel’ ‘cause the carriage moving was too similar…” Kokichi started, fussing with the hem of his shirt a bit. “But it did help at first. And when Shuu-chan started talking about how I make Miyako laugh…that helped a lot, because I love Miya a lot, and…well, she wasn’t around last year, so that helped keep me in the present.”

“It doesn’t feel as much as those, but I think you guys answering my questions when I asked where we were helped too.”

“I see…”

“We were talking about making a game plan, for the next time it happens, if it ever does.” Kaito said, still watching the fish a bit. His eyes following their movements, “I made a joke about keeping candy on hand, but, like… I dunno, I can do that, if it’d help?”

“Candy?” Dr. Mariah said, tilting her head a little, “It’s not a terrible idea, in the sense of helping someone remind where they are. However, getting someone to put something in their mouth while in the middle of a panic attack can be difficult at best, and could make things physically violent at worst.”

“But,” Dr. Mariah said, tapping at her leg, “Having a comfort item on hand? Something you could either pass to him, or something Kokichi carried with him? Something visual, that would only require him to look at it? Preferably something that reminds him of today. Unfortunately, this is one of those pieces of advice that I can only give as an understood practice, but there’s no real way to prove it’d work for you until the next incident.’

“Beyond that? Grounding techniques work really well. Maki, Shuichi, Kaito, asking questions about the environment, reminding him of where and when he is in a non-aggressive way… and also not giving him weapons. And not challenging the vision.” Dr. Mariah said sternly, “Kokichi will think he’s somewhere else, doing something else. And for that moment, it’s better to just let him work through it himself, and accept whatever he argues is happening, until he can calm down enough to hear what you’re saying. For instant, if leaving the carriage meant dying, to him? Do not leave the carriage to prove him wrong. That sort of thing.”

“Kokichi?” Dr. Mariah said, looking to Kokichi, “From the group, this is your chance to establish your own sense of expectations, in the future. For a moment like this.”

Something visual to keep on him… That part seemed like a good idea, but the sticking point of having it remind him of the present day was an issue. He supposed his engagement ring was a good, recent reminder, but…it was almost too unintrusive. Most of the time, Kokichi completely forgot he was wearing his rings, and if someone grabbed his hand to point it out before he was ready to be touched…

Kokichi grimaced a bit at the notion of any of his family leaving the carriage that day. It…wouldn’t have been good, in any case. 

Sighing, Kokichi ran a hand through his hair a bit. “...I don’t really know what to say, that I haven’t already. Wait for me to initiate touch, help ground me… It was an “after” thing, but the hugs helped then. I just…”

He glanced to the side. “...thanks for being patient, with me. Again…I don’t think this is something that happens often, but…if it does…thanks. For helping.”

Kaito sighed, wrapping his arms around Kokichi and hugging him, “Can I be his comfort item? We’ll figure out a way, babe, you can keep me in your pocket and just squeeze me next time it happens.”

“...Okay, you’re saying that as a joke, but he has literally already done that.” Maki pointed out, “Chibi Kaito.”

“Oh yeah, huh…” Kaito mused, before kissing Kokichi’s temple a little, “Little pocket sized Kaito~”

“Kaito, you’re going to make me have to separate you from them.” Dr. Mariah told him dryly, as Kaito seemed perfectly content to keep holding Kokichi. “Kokichi, you said you struggled the rest of the day with it. That can be a difficult feeling to shake off, and again, it might be something your individual therapist can help you with more. But, it might help your family to know how to interact with you in the aftermath, if you wanted to explain some of the feelings you were carrying with you that day… Kaito, I mean it, I will make you sit on the floor.”

Kaito seemed to still a that a little, something distant in his eyes… before he chuckled sheepishly. Pulling away from Kokichi snuggling and putting his hands in his lap. “My bad.”

“He is a comfort,” Kokichi laughed softly, giving Kaito a warm look at the affection…even if it wasn’t the most helpful for therapy. The issue was that…Kaito had been around for a lot of traumatizing experiences, if relatively recent ones, so…Kokichi wasn’t really sure if Kaito would really ground him, as much as just give him more of a sense of safety. 

Or another person to protect. Kokichi had been able to recognize Shuuichi, Maki, and Aiichi, and then later Nazumi, but…they had all just been people he couldn’t let die. More than reminding him what was actually happening. 

Giving Kaito a gentle pat on the back as he reluctantly pulled away, Kokichi sighed softly. “...I was really embarrassed. And low, but…not as deprecating as I’ve gotten in the past, during my lows. I just…didn’t want to face anyone, after I calmed down…but I didn’t want to be alone. Just curled up somewhere, maybe holding someone’s hand.”

“I’m not sure how much of that is actually helpful,” he shrugged. “Like how it’s better to get to a window, or go on a walk if I have the energy when I have a depressive episode. But…I think it’d help to not do anything that social, afterward. Even if people would understand.”

“A calming, but not intrusive, presence.” Dr. Mariah summarized, before looking to the others, “Anyone have any greater concerns? Clarifications?”

“No weapons, questions on environment, reminders of time, but without challenging the hallucination,” Maki recited, “If a comfort item is around by then, get it in front of him. Preferably something visual.”

“Feed him ice cream later.” Kaito said serenely.

“When did ice cream come up?” Shuichi asked, glancing down at his notes.

“It’s Plan 23.”

“...what?”

“Honestly, while it’s good to have a plan and all of that… like, I really do think from an outsider looking in, that’s helpful.” Kaito said, “But I don’t know otherwise how worried I am, about this. Kokichi is good at this. Like, he doesn’t give himself enough credit, really… it’s really impressive, honestly, how much you bounce back from stuff like this, babe.” Kaito said, giving him a bright look, “I’d be such a mess, in your position. I saw something like that? I’d still be in the shrine, right this second. I don’t know how you do it.”

“...do what, Kaito?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Could you be more clear?”

“Hmm? Like… just not lose it, I mean.” Kaito said, shrugging a little, “Kokichi’s really good at keeping it together. It’s always really impressive, to me.”

Kokichi sighed, though there was something more…tired in it, as he looked at Kaito. “...Kai-chan… I guess we never really went back to it, huh? I…I’m not coping that well. Not not losing it, I mean. Getting into a day-long fugue after a severe flashback, sobbing into your arms, then having a low day the whole day after… That’s just this week, though it’s been a harder week than most.”

“I’m really…not just shrugging this all off. Just because I’m not threatening you or having a suicidal episode doesn’t mean I’m doing well.”

“...” Kaito gave Kokichi a concerned look, as Shuichi shifted a little, curling into the side arm a bit so that he could put his body at enough of an angle to look past Kaito and over to Kokichi. Kaito clearly uncertain how to respond to this…

“Kokichi, perhaps it might be helpful for Kaito, to hear ways you see yourself struggling with certain events. Not just with the trauma of the year in general, but ways you find specific events weighing on you. You can pick whichever one comes to mind, but sometimes the ways we struggle with things aren’t as obvious to the people around us as it is to us as we’re experiencing it.” Dr. Mariah said, a certain gentleness in her tone. Knowing that the discussion of pain and realizing others hadn’t recognized it could be a difficult conversation.

His mouth scrunching to the side a little, Kokichi nodded before turning more to Kaito, facing his husband. “To me, my depressive episodes are some of the clearer events… Sure, I do have depression, so…some of that is just me not having the right chemicals goin’ around in my brain. But if I don’t catch myself…I obsess over my mistakes.”

While he didn’t turn away, Kokichi’s gaze did go to the side at that. “All the people I’ve let down, all the mistakes that…just don’t get second chances. Feeling like a useless burden… All that just whirls in my head until I can’t move and it feels like the entire western swamp lives in my chest.”

“They had been better, lately, but I get nightmares all the time, too. We’ve talked about it here before, but…what I talked with Maki-chan about, about hearing their screams, and making more up.”

“Sometimes I just…get lost in my head, thinking about things, and I won’t really realize what I’m doing. Usually when I’m reading a book, and my mind’s wandered, or sometimes when I’m painting…” Kokichi sighed a bit. “...I have gotten better with some of my worse habits. I’m not working right now, so I can’t work until I collapse, and I haven’t hidden in a closet for a long time…though it still does happen, now and then. I’ve tried to be better, about taking it out on other people…acting like Nellis did. I’ve been trying to ask for help, more.”

Kaito rubbed his leg a little, trying to think how to respond to all of that. Because he could recognize the exhaustion, in Kokichi’s tone. Kaito saying he was doing well not reflecting what Kokichi saw in himself. Kaito didn’t want to disrespect that…

“I mean…I guess maybe I just have a hard time seeing that. Cause, yeah, when I first got here, you’d… well, I mean, you remember.” Kaito said, shrugging lightly, “We both had some really terrible habits. Hiding in closets and breaking down and screaming at people and being, just, ruthlessly mean for little things. Well, fuck, not even little things, they were big things.” Kaito said, frowning, “I pushed you into the dirt and called you names, Maki and Shuichi stole and read your medical records without permission, you were going through the wedding and the treaty and I fucking… I wasn’t being good to you. I raped you.” Kaito whispered, shame running through his expression, his shoulders falling, “Twice. Twice… um. The assassination attempt, no one giving you the support or protection you needed, not even from me. Especially from me.”

Kaito blinked tiredly, before shaking his head, chuckling a little, “Fuck, babe, how did you… every time I think about the sheer toll it all had to have taken. The heart attacks, the culture shock, the fucking disaster of what I was considering our damn honeymoon… fuck…” Kaito’s eyes reddened, before he hid them behind his palms, pressing them in deep as he said, “Nao, the people who were supposed to be your friends, god, fucking me, everything I burdend you with… everything Maki and Shuichi burdened you with. That whole fucking nightmare. Everything.”

“... you get sad and you have nightmares and you get lethargic and lost in your work and that’s still incredible to me.” Kaito whispered, shaking his head behind his palms a little, “How did you not lose your mind? Fuck, Kokichi, there were times I really felt like I was losing it. I know some of that was the poppies, but I was still caving peoples faces in and breaking desks and cutting myself up in the shrine before I started seeing Fake Ford. I felt like I was barely keeping it together, some days, and I’d look at you and you’d be… friendly. And considerate. And hard working. And sometimes sad. And quiet. And hugging Smug Rabbit and crying… and I’d come comfort you, and sometimes it felt like you were just pulling it back together to not worry me. And I just… couldn’t believe you could do that. How did you pull that off? How could you go through all of that, and come out the other side… sad? Sometimes? More worried about the rest of us than anything.”

Kaito looked over to Kokichi, his eyes red, but admiration plan in his gaze as he said, “I’m not trying to say you weren’t affected. I just can’t get past how good you are. I know you had rough patches and hurt me, hurt us, sometimes this last year, and apparently it used to be way worse… but fuck, Kokichi, the version of you I’ve gotten has always tried, and always improved, and has always been incredible in the face of crippling hardship… it’s hard to say you’re not coping, when I’m just astounded at how well you’re doing.”

“Thank you…”

Kokichi’s voice was soft, but… Well, step one was acknowledging Kaito’s feelings. He knew Kaito thought he was a lot to live up to, had a sort of golden view of him. It was hard to see that in himself, but…he knew Kaito was genuine. Even when he was hurt or annoyed, that underlying idea was still there. 

“...well, I’d like to say some of the heart attacks were a failure to cope, too,” he started, a little grimly amused that that was the part he could say light-heartedly. “But…a lot of those times felt like I was losing my mind too. Like if I messed up once, everyone would…not just die, but die horribly. Then…I would mess up, and while…o-only once, people died…”

“Those people dying wasn’t your fault.” Kaito snapped… before his expression shifted uncertainly, pressing his knuckles together as he said, “Sorry, sorry, keep going…”

Something hurt went across Kokichi’s face, but he took a breath and recentered himself. “...it still wasn’t okay, any of those times. Hell…I ran away from home and tried to freeze myself to death, once. I never confronted Nao at all. I tried to fix Shuu-chan almost killing himself with a threesome. I left you alone in that warehouse when you said you wanted to leave, even knowing you were on poppies. I almost passed out and sobbed after that morning with Chisa, and I never considered your feelings until they burst out of you. I was terrified to sleep after the avalanche, but I’d wrecked my body so much I couldn’t do much but it. I kept our daughter’s species from you, because I was…so fucking afraid that she’d grow up like me.”

“...I feel like I have fallen apart from everything,” Kokichi said quietly. “I just…have no choice but to keep walking.”

“...I mean, I suppose I knew all of that stuff too.” Kaito said softly, rubbing the back of his neck as he said, “Though, Maki and I came up with the threesome idea. You going along with it isn’t a failing on your part, we thought it was a good idea…”

“...I guess I just always thought of those things as, sorta… slip ups. Ya know? It wasn’t entirely self-destruction, you just made… mistakes. Or were…” Kaito huffed a small chuckle, “...yeah, okay, or were still reeling from something that happened. I’d struggle to fall asleep if I ‘heard’” He said, putting quotation marks around the word, “the avalanche fall too. That was… that had to have been terrifying.”

“Kaito, I think the issue is a difference in expectations.” Dr. Mariah said, getting the groups attention. Shuichi and Maki having shared a look at the threesome comment, Maki’s gaze full of small, tired regret, Shuichi a resigned sort of acceptance to all of that. He had taken his piece out of Kaito, for that once, and hadn’t felt the need to repeat that anger for Kokichi or Maki. “Though, I think you’ve already worked that out a little for yourself, considering the wording you just chose. You can recognize that Kokichi’s trauma acts in self-destruction. Would it be too leading, to suggest yours acts as outward-destruction?”

Kaito sighed scratching at his hairline, “I mean… yeah. But Kokichi can be outwardly destructive. He just usually doesn’t.”

“He doesn’t.” Dr. Mariah agreed, “But it’s not through any actual self-discipline or personal effort that he doesn’t do that, which I believe is what you find yourself admiring. The skill to not harm others, even when the motive or desire is there. What I believe Kokichi is trying to express to you– and you can correct me if I’ve got it wrong, Kokichi– is that he’s not choosing these techniques as an alternative to a more dangerous, aggressive coping technique. These self-destructive tendencies are genuinely his first impulse, when things are going poorly. When he harms himself, it is not holding back from harming another. It is him losing control of himself.”

“And the reason it matters, is because as his husband, it’s important to recognize when Kokichi has lost control of himself.” Dr. Mariah said, “Because that is when he is most in need of help. And unfortunately, self-destructive coping techniques tend to get the least amount of attention, from others. It really is up to the people closest to him, to recognize the signs and act accordingly.”

Kokichi let out a breath, nodding, his eyes filling with understanding. “Yeah…yeah. You’re right, I can take my stress and fear out on other people…but it’s not what I tend to do, and it’s not something I seek out even when it happens. People just…are in the wrong place at the wrong time for me, and I hurt them ‘cause they’re there. Like…Shuu-chan and Maki-chan have described to me about you actively looking for fights to let off stress…that’s not something I’d do.”

“Not because I’m trying to hold myself back for others…but because it’s literally not an impulse for me at all,” Kokichi nodded, once to Dr. Mariah, then to Kaito. “At my absolute worst? Losing all control? I’m not going to trash a room, or throw hands with someone, or even give them a verbal lashing. My worst looks like a suicide attempt.”

“Even if I end up being able to help others…” Kokichi sighed. “...if at the same time, I’m not eating, or secluding myself away, either physically or mentally…or I’m actively suicidal? That’s not success. That’s me struggling, still.”

Kaito winced at the ‘suicide attempt’ comment, but he nodded along with new understanding. There was a part of Kaito that couldn’t help but see that ‘restraint’ on Kokichi as something still self-evident of goodness, if it wasn’t even a real effort to curb those destructive impulses. He had always had the same admiration for Shuichi, and even for Maki, for how much he knew she wanted to kill people. It still wasn’t how she solved all her problems, not when she didn’t have too…

… but then, he couldn’t recall a time he had ever seen Shuichi destroy anything, let alone attack first. And Kokichi was the same way. Maybe there just… really was no comfort in the idea to them?

To lose it.

… except they did lose it, in other ways. They both got so sad. Lifeless. Like that same madness that filled Kaito to the absolute brim with adrenaline, electricity and fire that was going to rip him apart from the inside if he didn’t do something with it… instead, they got cooler and quieter. Listless. Empty, to the point of self-destruction.

Kaito couldn’t really imagine it. In truth, he had thought the endless, burning anger was in everyone. Everyone else was just so much better at keeping it under control, than he was. How could you just… not feel it?

Kaito looked to his husband with a new understanding. Nodding a bit… “Okay. I think I understand. I’m sorry if… I hope I haven’t been ignoring things you needed, thinking you were doing better than you were…”

They had come to the same understanding once before, though in the opposite direction. Another event of Kokichi mishandling a situation, the day he remembered his abilities. He’d accidentally felt Kaito’s fury…and it had so shockingly burned and consumed that Kokichi could do nothing but cry and vomit. 

People may use the same words to describe emotions, but the way everyone felt everything was unique. Some people burned. Other people drowned. There were limitless possibilities. 

But even if you didn’t feel the same, didn’t mean you couldn’t try to understand. 

Kokichi gave Kaito a soft, loving smile. “I think you’ve been very good to me. Even if you saw it in the context of ‘slip-ups’...you are very good about getting me out of my head. Seeing what sort of days I really do need to just lay in bed, and the ones when I need friends around me, and the ones where I need to be dragged outside sulking and crying. You take great care of me, Kai-chan. I just…don’t want you giving me false credit for something that isn’t happening.”

Kaito gave Kokichi a suddenly intense expression. Something searching his gaze, an idea coming to him…

…but the idea echoed, in his mind.

Ah, shit. 

It was that brief moment of quiet, between Kokichi giving him a soft smile and explaining gently that Kaito was already doing what he needed too, to Kaito letting the quiet drag on as he mulled over an idea in his head, over how he could better ser– help Kokichi. That brief moment of silence, and suddenly being able to hear that empty space. Dammit… dammit.

Kaito glanced briefly at the walls, the room feeling different. Visually smaller, but there was an echoing, empty ‘sound’ to them. He could hear the silence coming from the walls. It was such a small thing…

“If you’re sure.” Kaito said– his voice sounding tinny in his mind– giving Kokichi a warm look back. He was fine, he knew he was. The room just felt different, that was all. Nothing he couldn’t handle. He was listening for silence, sure, but that only distorted all the actual sounds a little bit. He had this. Sometimes it could even be a good feeling. He felt like this sometimes in the shrine too. His ears listening so hard for the silent parts of the room that it distorted everything else. Tinny, echoing, empty sounds. Most of the time he didn’t even recognize what had happened. He supposed just coming in from the hot summer day and feeling okay for as long as he had made the difference more obvious.

He’d pitch Kokichi his idea later, when he felt better.

Kokichi felt the warmth from that look…but…

He wasn’t trying to feel Kaito. It was rare he did without talking to his partners about it first. But there was a sort of ambient “buzz” that was ever-present, like the background hustle and bustle of the city. 

And…like getting used to that noise, the absence of it when they went out into the country was jarring. And it wasn’t a total absence, what was coming from Kaito. Not the sort of silence that haunted him, like the avalanche. But it suddenly felt…quiet. Spacy. Almost like…Kaito was high, but without any of the fun parts. 

…Kaito was starting to dissociate. 

Frowning softly, Kokichi tried to meet Kaito’s eyes. “...hun? Should…we move back to the roof?”

“Hm?” Kaito said– the sound like metal in his head– rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he chuckled, “Is it that obvious? No, I’m okay. It’s still hot up there and we made all this effort to come down here. I’m alright.”

It was Shuichi who suddenly looked curious. Tapping the back of his hand against Kaito’s arm and, when Kaito looked over at him, Shuichi peering at him. Trying to see whatever Kokichi had noticed. (Because sometimes it was difficult to remember your fiance was also, like, kind of a mindreader.)

And maybe this was half just Shuichi ‘looking for it’, but it did seem like Kaito’s eyes were slightly unfocusing. Hovering around Shuichi’s eyeline, rather than actually meeting them. “Kaito, what actually is your thing with this type of room? Or, well… if it’s alright for me to be crass, what’s your thing with office rooms? I thought you had found them arousing?”

Kaito chuckled, suddenly shooting Dr. Mariah a sheepish look. Genuinely amused, but also something in him just as genuinely nervous as he laughed, “Sorry, sorry, he didn’t mean to say that. I mean, he’s right, but that’s not something you have to hear. And, anyway, this isn’t an office.” Kaito shrugged, waving his hand at the room, “This is like, ya know… like a study. Different energy. I’m okay.”

“What’s it feel like?” Maki asked, curious. “Is it just you feeling more nervous? That’s why we stopped using this room, right? You get nervous in here.”

“Mmm, I guess, yeah. More just… spacy. You guys ever just have a hard time focusing? Like your head is slightly detached from you? It sounds way worse than it feels, but that’s how it can feel sometimes. But I’m okay, I can still pay attention if I concentrate.”

He said this, his voice echoing in his head. Tinny and distant. Wow, it had been a while since this had happened. He had been getting spoiled. Diners and roofs, parks and unfamiliar office doors that were always open. It had been a while since he had last dealt with this.

Dr. Mariah, in turn, was curious how they would navigate it. More likely than not it would simply result in Kaito getting less cohesive and, if she remembered right, both more complacent and more defensive at the same time. But, they had made a lot of progress, since then. Perhaps Kaito himself would have better coping techniques with this now, or at least be aware enough to let them know when it became debilitating.

“We don’t have a lot of time left anyway,” Dr. Mariah said, glancing at the clock on the wall, “Let’s see if we can’t tie this up with another subject before we’re done for the day. Now, before I pick something myself, does anyone have anything weighing on them that they haven’t had a chance to bring up yet? Maki, Shuichi? You haven’t had much focus today. How are you both doing?”

“Mmm… I’ve been good.” Maki said, crossing her legs as she leaned against the arm rest, “Managed to not get involved in a potentially dangerous situation at the funeral. That felt like progress.”

“She did,” Shuichi said, giving her a little supportive nod as he explained, “There was this drunk at the funeral trying to approach the king. Very much a ‘Maki’ situation. But some other guards were already approaching and Maki just watched. It was inspiring.”

Kaito laughed lightly, giving Maki a tired look, “That must have been tough.”

“Felt like every nerve on my body was lighting up.” Maki agreed, shaking her head, “What a pain.”

“Ha. Sounds like Himiko.” Shuichi said fondly, “Me and my friend Himiko have been spending more time together. We’ve met some new people, some friends of a friend, who we want to spend more time with, as soon as things aren’t so busy. And I’ve been thinking about inviting Drake and Nadia out with Himiko and I to some event or another, just to get a chance to introduce them to her… it’s been nice. I’ve been busy.”

Kokichi didn’t really think it was okay…but if Kaito wanted to try and get through it, then…that’s what they would do. It didn’t quite seem like the sort of thing that was important to try and overcome--they’d found good workarounds for therapy, and there wasn’t too much of a need to have serious conversations in studies otherwise--but it wasn’t like they couldn’t try. 

And…well, like Dr. Mariah pointed out. They were coming to the end of their time. It wasn’t the worst thing for them to try and navigate Kaito’s dissociation for a little bit. 

Kokichi looked over in moderate surprise, as Maki described an altercation she didn’t interfere in. He must’ve been talking with people when it happened… Aw Maki. “That’s amazing,” he smiled softly. “M proud of you, Maki-chan.”

As he was of Shuuichi making more friends. He’d only spoken to Lluwyn and Elthea briefly--and boy was he surprised to see that Elthea was a teenager, and not, in fact, a baby--but they seemed interesting. Nadya’s stories of her village were always wild, but she had had years of travel to add into her perspective. It turned out this was the first time the siblings had ever been out of their village, and…

…well, Kokichi had been bursting at the seams, wanting to recommend all sorts of places to check out during their stay, but he’d been a little…preoccupied. Maybe Shuuichi would be more successful in bringing them out, along with the rest of his growing group of friends. 

“Ah, I’d love to hear what you’d consider going out to,” Kokichi beamed. “You know I always have a million suggestions.”

Shuichi smiled at that, “You can give me some recommendations on the walk home.”

“You both do seem to be in a good headspace, today.” Dr. Mariah said, “I won’t push for issues if you both have nothing pressing on your mind, but if something comes to mind, it’s always okay to speak up. You’re allowed to feel good and have things going well, and still have issues worthy of discussion.”

“I mean…” Shuichi sighed, “I still feel sad, over Kokichi’s reincarnation cycle. The more I contemplate it, the more… tired. I feel. Not to put ideas or problem in Kokichi’s head, but… your life cycle sounds exhausting, Kokichi.” Shuichi said, giving Kokichi a sympathetic look, “I suppose Kaito’s paradise would be no less exhausting, in the long run, as far as just being alive… but you’re not at the beginning of your cycle, like we all are. Or, Maki theoretically is. You’ve been doing this for a while… do you feel that?”

Kaito gave Shuichi a small frown at that. But just fussed with his knuckles a little, eyes following the fish. 

Kokichi sighed softly, running a hand through his hair as his smile faded. “...you’re not saying anything I haven’t been thinking. I know it was all caught up in my ideation, but…I always looked forward to death as finally getting some rest, you know? I know that I could always give up my appointment, but…as long as I’m alive, I can’t think of doing anything but serving the people of Dicea. Anything else I’d do I’d probably be just as much of a busybody with.”

“...I don’t know if I feel that existential fatigue, though,” Kokichi shrugged, his eyes trailing a yellow fish in the tank. “I do get really tired, sometimes… Normally I’m really excited by the prospect that the work of a leader will never be done…but sometimes…” He sighed. “...sometimes it doesn’t sound as fun.”

Gently, Kokichi leaned against Kaito’s side, before looking back up at him. “...it looked like there was something you wanted to say, hun. Was I right?”

Kaito shot Kokichi a slightly surprised, slightly wary look… before he just shrugged slightly. Giving him a small smile. “Well, you know… I guess I just want to look at it like a good thing. Your life is precious, Kokichi. It’s… selfish. To resent how long you’re going to get to live, and to enjoy life over and over again, cause…” Kaito’s expression dimmed, though the grin stayed on his face, “...you’re going to move on to make other people as happy as you make me. That’s…. I’m not the jealous type. That’s good. You’re going to get the chance to do something other people dream about. You’re gonna get to try again, and do it a whole new way! That’s… amazing.”

Kokichi’s expression softened, before he leaned against Kaito again, leaving the touch to linger for a moment. “...it is nice, ultimately. Just like how I get tired by the prospect of my work sometimes…I still haven’t left it. Because most of the time I really love it. I love the opportunities it gives me to help people, and make our little corner of the world brighter for everyone who lives here.”

“...I don’t really know what to think, about…’getting to enjoy life over and over again’,” he hummed, dimming again, as he kicked his feet a little in the air. “...it doesn’t feel like I’m on a new, fun adventure. It just feels like…the first time. Like…I know that my past lives…were other lives. Already I noticed some bleedthrough, so I noticed some memories, while Nellis was fronting. But…it feels more like a dream than anything. Not really…mine, as Kokichi. Though they are.”

“Well, maybe, ultimately, that’s a good thing too.” Kaito said, staring down at his hands a bit as he restlessly fussed at them, “Because, well… if this life felt… vivid. And not distant– and maybe your past lives will become clearer over time?-- but if they didn’t feel a little… irrelevant? You’d never move on. I mean…”

Kaito grinned warily at Kokichi, trying to square his shoulders and look more confident as he straightened his back, giving him a wink, “I was custom made to be a good time, ‘Kichi–”

“You embraced that idea quickly.” Maki mused quietly, as Kaito went on.

“--so that’s gonna be hard for your next spouse to live up too! Wouldn’t be fair on them or you, if they had to keep comparing themselves to me! Or Shuichi, for that matter. Or…”

Kaito’s voice fell. Having to take a second to wrap his head around it… before he said softly, “Or Miyako. You’ll have new people to take care of. To love and get to know and get to do all the exciting ‘falling in love’ stuff over again. That’s… that’s a good thing. If we’re not looking at it from an entirely self-centered perspective? I’m happy about it.”

“...” Shuichi sighed. “Would it surprise literally anyone if I said I wasn’t?”

“No.” Maki mused softly. “That seems like you.”

Kaito had suggested before, that they find the family of past leaders, and Kokichi had shaken his head. He could recognize the love they--he--had once had for certain people…but it was over. They had descendants, had passed on, he was someone else. Maybe there were certain heirlooms he could make sure got where they needed to be, but…there wasn’t any connection there anymore. 

(...but what if they…weren’t gone…)

Kokichi’s eyes widened as Kaito brought up their daughter, the color draining from his face as he just…sat there. Not acknowledging Kaito’s peace, or Shuuichi’s lack of it, as he realized something he hadn’t considered. And even just the thought started to fill his eyes with tears. 

Looking over to his family with a stricken look, Kokichi whispered, “...I won’t recognize Miya next time… Flora can live for thousands of years…but I won’t…”

Kaito gave Kokichi a bewildered look– thousands??-- before, seeing the look on Kokichi’s face, he quickly put his arms around Kokichi, pulling him into a hug… before hearing a little, soft needing sound from his other side and, reaching out and drawing Shuichi in too, clutching them both to himself as he said sternly, “Hey, hey. Why are you two crying, what’s happening? Why are we upset?”

Dr. Mariah thought about interjecting, explaining that they were allowed to be upset, and also, he should let them go to feel their feelings… but Shuichi, starting to explain, clutched at Kaito’s shirt, and Dr. Mariah decided to see where this went. Shuichi very rarely showed any need for physical interaction in these sessions, but once Kaito had pulled him in he was clinging, as he said, voice tight with frightened emotion “I-I’ve wondered how Flora, who are designed to be raised by other species, could become like they are, so isolated and self-important… what if they stop remembering their parents? The people who raised them? You live that long, and we’ll only be in her life for such a small bit of it–”

“Then we make it count.” Kaito murmured, holding Shuichi tightly, “There was always a time limit to how much influence we were gonna have over her, and that hasn’t changed. We’re going to raise her to be a brilliant, compassionate, capable person, and she’s going to go out and make us all proud, and her having more time to do that changes nothing. We’re still her parents, and we were always going to make it count…”

“And you’ll always be her father, Kokichi.” Kaito said stiffly, holding Kokichi tight, “Even if it gets complicated, that never stops being true. I-if anything, that’s incredible! If… if Miyako really does live that long? How lucky is she? That her daddy will still be around, if she ever needs advice in the future? She’ll have to wait until the next cycle, sure, and wait for you to be ready to remember her when asked, but… that’s still incredible! You and Miyako… you’re going to have long lives ahead of you. And neither of you will ever really be alone, even if talking gets trickier over time. That’s incredible. That’s not a sad thing.”

Kokichi curled into Kaito, closing his eyes as tears started to roll. He reached out the small space to Shuuichi, holding his fiance’s arm. He wasn’t going to remember his daughter…but almost more horrifying, was her not remembering him. Them. Maybe not in a hundred years, maybe not in five, but…th-there was only so many memories a being could take. Maybe one day the parents who had only been there for a fraction of her life just wouldn’t…

…be worth holding on to anymore.

Kokichi let out a small sob. He knew how foolish it was to mourn something that wasn’t gone yet…but it was the first time the idea was coming to him. 

…but they were her parents. Ones that were already agonizing over how to raise her the best they could, because she deserved every chance in the world. She was their precious daughter. Compassionate and full of love and entitlement to the world. Their fussy princess…

Maybe it was different, if his daughter was still alive, rather than just descendants. Maybe…the next version of him could love Miyako too…

Kokichi sniffled, holding onto Kaito tight. “...I don’t want to leave her…”

“You won’t, beautiful.” Kaito promised him– speaking from the top of his head, because Atua knows he hadn’t had a chance to think about this either. But just… desperately wanting to not have to grieve his daughter, because it was too soon, it was… he chuckled. Closing his eyes and only realizing he had been on the verge of tears himself when, painlessly without even the burn, two heavy drops of water spilled out over his cheeks. “I mean… she’s gonna leave us, at some point. But that was always true, wasn’t it?”

“She’s going to grow up, and go out, and carve out her own space in the world.” Kaito murmured, rubbing their shoulders as he said, “That’s the goal. And… we’re gonna end up like Mr. Nidai. Sending letters and visiting and fussing over her life choices, and eventually for her own sake she’s gonna have to beat us back with a stick. Right Maki?”

“Yes,” Maki said softly, giving them all gentle looks, ‘Something like that.”

“And that’s gonna be a good thing. And by the time we’re all ready to go? By the time we have to go? Because that was always gonna happen… she’s not gonna need us.” Kaito grinned down at Kokichi, “And, lucky for her, thirty or forty years after dad’s left and she realizes she lost the recipe for whatever meal she used to really like as a kid and doesn’t know how to find it again or remember what it was called, boom! Well, daddy’s back around and remembering his library again, and she can just pop in and ask him for the recipe. And if we’ve raised her well, she’ll also bother saying hi and asking how you’re doing and will dutifully sit through whatever fussing and questions you have for her. Like a good grown child will when her parents want a peek at her new life.”

“That’s just… what being a parent is, right? I… I know I’m looking forward to seeing my parents again, someday. Asking them questions I wish I had gotten too while they were still here… Miyako’s going to be lucky to have that chance with you. Honestly, you absolutely spoil her. Being around to visit every hundred years or so… what a lucky girl.”

Shuichi shuddered next to Kaito, resting his forehead against his neck. A realization coming to him that had likely already occurred to Kaito as well, that hurt deep inside of him– their daughter would never be joining them in paradise, then, not in time– but he closed his eyes as he recalled that, well… “Time was always going to be limited.” Shuichi said softly, tears lightly falling down his face, “We were always only going to get to have her so long… how cruel. With magic and gods and destinies and cosmic purpose, we’re still just people afraid of losing their loved ones to time. You’d think we’d be exempt, after enough crazy magic stuff.”

These were things every parent had to struggle with, he supposed. Knowing that you wouldn’t be there for your child forever. Knowing that one day they would leave and carve their own path, without you there holding their hand. Maybe it was even something that hit some parents when their child was still a baby. At its core…the fears weren’t exceptional. 

But the world was. And…as time went on, as Miya was able to live her long life, Kokichi would return, every once in a while. Miyako might not need her daddy again, but…he would come back and…he would be able to check on her. They would be able to talk. She would be able to share memories that he hadn’t found yet, and he would be able to bring her daddy back for a conversation, every now and then. 

The world was exceptional, but… Kokichi sniffled. “Maybe it just…looped all the way around. So much crazy magic stuff that we’re right back at the start…” Not perfectly, because…Kaito and Shuuichi were going to be able to have their time together. Maki would join them, one day. But Kokichi wouldn’t. And unless they were truly patient and unrested enough to wait for millenia, Miyako wouldn’t before they were gone either. 

Kaito, Shuuichi, and Maki would have each other. Kokichi and Miyako would have each other. Their family divided, split into their own eternities. 

Kokichi let out a little, pathetic wailing noise. “...I wanna go hold her, when we get home…”

Dr. Mariah sighed. This was, ultimately, just grief that needed to be expressed. And, honestly, they were doing well navigating it. Maki was quiet and reserved, letting the parents work  through what they needed too without comment or judgment. Shuichi, Kokichi and Kaito finding support in each other, in their own ways. Something already resigned in Shuichi’s expression as his face calmed against Kaito, hands no longer clutching. Kokichi falling into the grief, but then, avoiding it was never the goal anyway, as he reached out to hold Kaito and Shuichi and spoke of his desire to hold his daughter. Kaito, determined to re-frame all of it into a positive as he held them. Perhaps because this type of tragedy was largely unavoidable, and he needed that silver lining for himself. Perhaps just wanting to be strong for the other two. There were problems there, but his silver linings weren’t denials, or rejection of the grief entirely, his own eyes wet with tired tears. Dr. Mariah wouldn’t push.

She wondered if there’d be any comfort, in knowing Miyako’s future… but then, probably not. As it was only, in truth, a ‘possible’ future. Miyako would have to choose for herself, someday, if she was going to claim her place as the new Queen of the flora. As a child growing outside of the hivemind, it really would be her own prerogative to return to it, let alone fight the battle against its current Queen to rule it. She had all the tools and resources and capability needed to achieve it given to her by careful design, but… well, there wasn’t a lot anyone could do if she decided she wanted to be a baker instead. Dicea would certainly keep her.

And the gods interfering led to such grief. Atua had not told them himself, and had apparently even stricken the memory from the shards who had traded their lives based on that knowledge. Dr. Mariah was a demon, and more importantly, a therapist, but she wasn’t so lost in her own ego as to assume she knew better than the cosmic being who had spent the last hundred or so years setting this up. Atua hadn’t told them. It was better they didn’t know.

“No homework, this week.” Dr. Mariah said, entirely because discussing what the homework would be felt a little fruitless, in the wake of their heavy emotions, ”And I think it’d be wise to spend the rest of this session, of which we only have about ten minutes or so, letting you all drink some water and sit together and find calm before I send you out to walk the streets, returning home to your child. Of course you can stay longer if you’ll need too. But this really is the only way to move forward, what you’re doing now. Talking it out, grieving, and then checking in on the things important to you. You’re all doing well.”

Taking out his handkerchief, Kokichi dabbed at his face, trying not to totally tear and snot up Kaito’s shirt. Even if she didn’t assign it…he wanted to try and be more aware of himself complimenting Kaito. It wasn’t something that had an end date, but…if he started doing it purposefully, then eventually it would become second nature. And he would leave his husband feeling like he was never enough. 

…but as for other homework… It felt hard enough just trying to cope. 

“...thanks, Dr. Mariah…” he sniffled, just…curling against Kaito. Tracing his hand up and down Shuuichi’s arm. Being with his partners for the time they had together.

-

Shuichi, before meeting with Lluwyn, had gone… sigh… clothes shopping.

Look, he loved his usual outfit. He did. He had been rocking the black blazer look in the scorching heats of Luminary, he had worn variations of it during a long, cross country road trip, he had worn it during Dicea’s blistering cold.

But the truth was, the fabric wasn’t great for gross, weird water. It became itchy the wetter it got, and heavy as moisture filled the air. And the gross weird water was starting to stain and ruin his clothes, which, again, he liked. So, realizing he needed some clothes more suited for working with ingredients and water and rising, steaming heat, he had gone out looking for an outfit that would suit the hobby better. 

He still needed something long sleeved, to protect his arms, light to move quickly in but dark colored to hide stains with, maybe something with a built in cape or overlap to protect himself with if something that burned suddenly splattered a bit. High collar would probably be wise…

He did eventually find some varieties of an already put together outfit– he was a little too lazy to try to find individual pieces that would fit together, honestly– that technically matched all the criteria, but…

“Sigh.” Shuichi said, looking down at himself. Wearing a dark, hooded rope, a neck-collared gray button-up, black shorts and protective black boots, with black gloves.

“Did you…. Just say the word sigh?” Himiko asked, as they waited on their teacher.

“Sorry, I’m just very aware right now that if my fiance saw me wearing this, I would suddenly just have his attention all day. He doesn’t see me in new outfits very often. He gets a bit… excited.” Shuichi sighed.

“....are you bragging or…?” Himiko said, raising an eyebrow at Shuichi.

Lluwyn wasn’t late. He valued punctuality! …but it wasn’t uncommon for him to get caught up in his studies and suddenly realize it was dark outside and he hadn’t eaten…but only on days Elthea was out! If nothing else, caring for his sister provided a steady routine. 

All that aside, though, he wasn’t actually late, not more than a minute or two, as he headed up to the fifth floor of the castle. The first time they had met, he’d noticed that there was some kind of construction going on in the other wing, and it was easy enough to ask the workers for some supplies. So…Himiko and Shuuichi wouldn’t so much see Lluwyn approaching, as a pile of cloths and satchels peeking out from the side of the mass. 

“Good morning!” came a slightly muffled greeting. “Could I trouble one of you to open the door, please.”

“Not it.” Himiko said.

Shuichi glared at her, before sighing. Getting up and hurrying over to the door, opening it up as he gave the younger man a curious look, “Um, may I give you a hand, Lluwyn?” he offered,though he admittedly wasn’t sure how to take some of the thing off the teachers hands without accidentally tilting over the entire pile onto the ground.

“What’s all that stuff for? That’s a lot of material.” Himiko observed with a small, drawled whine. Clearly not looking forward to whatever task would require that much material.

“I would appreciate that, thank you,” Lluwyn said, shuffling into the room, before answering Himiko. “I have procured drop cloths for the floor and walls, as well as safety goggles, gloves, various sanitizers, a proper first aid kit, and a waste disposal bin. And our ingredients for today, of course.”

…and a few books. But that was a given. 

…ugh, Prince Kaito was right. Lluwyn never had to contend with so much cardio even in the library back home. 

“I did tell you that we need to follow proper safety procedures, and we shall,” he nodded, setting his load down and shaking out his arms. “So the actual bulk of the lesson will have to wait a moment. However, this is all part of the process of learning. I do realize shifting the furniture may be an ask, but as long as we can get the cloth under where we will be working the most, it should serve our purposes.”

“....eeeeeeh? Nyeh?” Himiko groaned, looking distraught, as she and Shuichi reluctantly got to work spell-proofing the room.

It took some effort, only more so because Himiko kept stopping to ‘rest’, but eventually they did get the furniture moved around and the safety equipment setup and the tools parsed out Shuichi, eventually, was talked into changing out his gloves for ‘real’ safety gloves. Though he pouted as they didn’t quite go with the outfit, which, admittedly, he maybe had been low key bragging earlier that he did, in fact, look good. Stupid safety gloves clashing with his new outfit, grumble grumble–

“Okay, are we done? Is that everything?” Himiko whined, before suddenly lighting up as she said, eyes bright with anticipation, “Are we finally going to learn cool magic stuff!? Waiting for Shuichi to get back took foreeeeever.”

“It was a few days, Himiko.” Shuichi said, rolling his eyes a little, “I had a bit going on, and that’s an understatement, really. Though, thank you both for waiting for me.”

“It was no trial,” Lluwyn shook his head. “Elthea and I heard about Representative Rivers’ passing on our journey here, and it is a natural assumption that Kokichi,” --after their meeting, Lluwyn had done his best to abide by the heir’s request not to be given a title in address-- “would attend. And, as family, so would you.”

“Additionally, it allowed me to become more accustomed to resources in the city. …and to enjoy some of the sights with my sister.” Lluwyn didn’t necessarily consider their stay in Usott a vacation, but…he couldn’t deny that it was a novel, exciting experience. And he wasn’t opposed to sightseeing, as much as his sister liked to call him the No Fun Guard. 

“But, yes, we shall start now,” Lluwyn lightly clapped his hands together, flicking open one of his books, an old, well-worn but well-kept tome. “As I proposed before, we shall be starting with Sopor Solution--a substance that induces sleep. One ounce ingested can send the imbiber to a deep rest in ten minutes. Lower doses can provide a calming sensation, while higher ones encourage longer sleeping sessions, or a feeling of drowsiness that can persist for a few days. Overdosing is possible, but it requires a dose exceeding 16 ounces, which is difficult to achieve by accident.”

“Before I start to explain the process and ingredients, do either of you have any questions?”

“Ooooooh,” Shuichi said, eyes widening a little, “Are there any dream side effects? Like, perhaps, something that would allow a person who suffers from nightmares to have nice dreams?”

“Not with the standard variation,” Lluwyn shook his head. “Standard sopor solution puts a person into such deep sleep that they don’t dream at all, which I believe would still be a reprieve for someone who suffers from regular nightmares. It would certainly be more restful, if lacking in some of the whimsy that nice dreams can have.”

Heading over to the work counter, Lluwyn started bringing out some jars from his pack. “Sopor solution tends to be considered a beginner’s potion, as it only contains three ingredients, and the brewing process is difficult to result in failure. A mis-brewed solution of this only results in a less powerful solution…which, at times, can be desirable in itself.”

Shuichi nodded, though a little disappointed. Kaito already had something that would knock him out for a night. Shuichi had been hoping that presenting a better alternative to the sleeping pills might temper Kaito’s inevitable outrage that Shuichi had not kept to his ‘no more deals’ agreement. Learning how to harness magic was, probably, a ‘deal’, if not a soul based one. Ah well.

“Hmmmm…” Himiko hummed, placing a gentle finger against her bottom lip, before asking, “Could you send a person into a coma for weeks, with something like this? Years?”

“Himiko?” Shuichi gasped.

“What? I was curious if maybe there was something to the Sleeping Beauty story. Bunch of people ate a feast, fell asleep for a hundred years. Didn’t age? Sounds like powerful magic, if any of it is true.” Himiko shrugged, just genuinely curious.

“If I recall correctly, the catalyst in that fairytale was fairy magic, so…you would be correct,” Lluwyn shrugged. “And theoretically, yes. A high, but not lethal dose, consistently applied? In theory, it should act as the same as putting someone into an induced coma.”

He sighed a bit. “Theoretically. In all experiments, such a thing has either resulted in a lethal overdose, or the experimentee awake some of the time, but in a constant state of fatigue. And these days such experiments are considered highly unethical.”

“Many such magical experiments are considered as such, considering the volatile nature of magic,” Lluwyn sighed. “As such, many innovators opt for self-experimentation, though that ends up in similarly tragic ends much of the time.”

“Nooooo kidding.” Shuichi said softly, entirely to himself, suddenly looking deeply tired. 

“Wait, so… who are we testing ours on?” Himiko asked, tilting her head slightly, her overly large hat shifting on her head as she did so, “Or will you be able to tell it worked just by looking at it?”

“I suppose we could test it on ourselves the next time we plan to sleep?” Shuichi pointed out, “We’re likely only going to make low doses anyway, since it’s our first time trying. Right?”

Brightening, Lluwyn made a small, pleased sound. “That is also one of the reasons sopor solution is considered a starter potion--visually and olfactorily, one can assess if it was made properly. Though, you may use the result, if you wish. There have been many accounts that sleep as a result of sopor solution is quite pleasant.”

“I shall explain to you the ingredients, now that it seems we are getting started.” Nodding, Lluwyn picked up one of the jars, holding it so his students could see. 

“These are lethe caps--a type of fungus grown in temperate forests. On their own they can induce dizziness and unconsciousness, though the effect is much less consistent and has the potential to spark pollen allergies, if the person in question tends to be affected by mushroom spores as well.”

“You can distinguish mature lethe caps by the gradation of color from the peak of the cap to the end of the skirt--the dark brown-grey to the near white, as well as the white speckling. The potion uses a 2:1:1 ratio, with the caps being the doubled portion, so if you are working with limited ingredients, measure by how many mushrooms you have.”

Shuichi squinted at the fungus, before musing, “I’ll have to make certain I’ve thoroughly cleaned myself before I next see Kokichi. There is always a non-zero chance that his body will just react poorly with something like this. I don’t know if he has allergies, but somehow I feel like any of its effects would hit him twice as fast, twice as hard.”

“What about Kaito? He have allergies?” Himiko asked curiously.

“Honestly I’d probably have to convince Kaito not to just try this for fun.” Shuichi admitted, also thinking of Miyako and even Timothy as well. Just keep it away from the smaller people in general.

“It is a courtesy,” Lluwyn nodded, “But even more so if there are specific health concerns. It is a good rule of thumb to assume that prolonged exposure of most ingredients will cause some sort of issue, even if that issue would simply be akin to not washing your clothes normally.”

Putting the fungus jar down, Lluwyn picked up the next one…which honestly looked like a snack jar. It was filled almost to the brim with light brown, chestnut-looking nuts. “These are crescent nuts--not named for their shape, as you can see, but because they are harvested only during crescent moons. They are also found in temperate forests, but generally only where wood gnomes will live. Like their common brethren, they have a spiked outer shell, but both parts are rarely used in the same recipe so they are often sold and stored separately.”

“...also, it is quite troublesome to open the nuts, so thankfully we will not have to do so today,” he grimaced. 

“The last ingredient is water,” he nodded to another jar on the table, though he didn’t bother picking it up to show off. “I have brought distilled water, which tends to give greater chances of success to potions, since you do not have to account for impurities, but…that’s rather self-explanatory.” 

“What about the ‘energy’ thing? Will that be relevant?” Himiko asked, puffing up a bit proudly as she said, “I’ve been practicing trying to focus on my auuuuura during my shows at the store. Master says he sees it growing brighter every day I practice!”

“...can your master see auras?” Shuichi asked, doubt clearly in his voice.

“Nyeh? You think my master would make something like that up? He can. I managed to turn it a beautiful, deep red color by eating my vegetables every day too, under his tutelage. Master is so wise.” Himiko said, smiling dreamily. Apparently being taught by an actual magic user in no way dimming her enthusiasm for Mikado. 

…Lluwyn suddenly felt a deep sense of envy. The issue with convincing his sister that taking good care of herself would increase her magical potential was…that she already had incredible potential, and far more than him. Not to mention she didn’t really care about getting stronger either. 

“That’s not the most common ability,” Lluwyn neutrally mused. “It must be helpful, for running a popular store.”

“But, not quite. Imbuing your energy into the brew will make the result stronger, but for this recipe, the main catalyst is heat,” Lluwyn nodded to the portable burner on the table. “We will emulsify the fungus and nuts, mix the pastes with water, then heat it while stirring persistently, though not vigorously…and that’s the potion. Simple, but effective.”

“So!” Lluwyn chirped, sliding over a cutting board and a mortar and pestle. “Who wants to cut, and who wants to mash?”

After some debate between Shuichi and Himiko– mostly Himiko deciding smashing seemed like less work than cutting, and then immediately changing her mind and deciding cutting took less effort than smashing and whining to Shuichi until they switched– eventually everything was cut, everything was smashed, and the ingredients were starting to mix into the water.

They made idle chit-chat as they worked, at first, but as the water bubbled, the paste turning an odder and odder color– it was white from one perspective, but clear from another, depending on the lighting and angle, but mostly it was thick– Himiko and Shuichi grew silent. Concentrating on their work, their focus and determination revealing how two people who bickered and whined so much about the effort of the spells themselves had the willpower to research and risk and experiment and try over and over and over again on their own. A true, honest passion for what they were doing in their gaze as the spell took hold and the potion ingredients thickened unnaturally, becoming a slime, and then a gelatin…

There was a moment, where Shuichi felt this small tug of potential. Like the air felt more solid, something reaching out for nourishment. And without a thought, with no effort at all, he fed into it, and that solid feeling left, retreating with its prize back into the warm, mixing gelatin paste. Both Shuichi and Himiko watched with fascinated, awed expressions as, seemingly just forming among the bubbles, small flecks of white, sparkling particles seemed to bubble and merge into the past, catching the light in small, twinkling glittering motions.

“Wooooow…” Himiko said, Shuichi’s expression matching her awe, before he looked up to Lluwyn, silently asking what to do next.

Lluwyn smiled, looking on in approval. Sure, it was a simple potion…but this was looking like a perfect solution. They…really had a knack for this. They were focused and determined and curious…

“It looks perfect,” he praised, getting out one of the empty glass, airtight jars he’d brought. “Those white specks? It means your energy has bonded to the mixture…and judging by the amount it’s glittering, it’s quite a strong bond. In general, if you get it to form to this gelatin consistency, you’ve got it right.”

“At this point, we can transfer the solution into a container,” he nodded to the jar, “Though you will want to wait for it to cool before ingesting. If you try it, you will find out, but it has a slightly sour taste. Possible to mask with stronger tasting foods, but likely not the sort of thing you can slip a person covertly, if they are paying attention.”

Shuichi smiled, genuinely thrilled, before noticing Himiko reach up for a high five. Grinning, he high fived her lightly, before grabbing the mixing spoon as she grabbed the jar, the two of them starting to pour it in. As they did, Shuichi asked, “So, when you say a stronger dose, do you mean in the sense of dangerously so, or just a good nights rest? I’d hate to try this on myself and not wake up for a few days.”

“And if we didn’t imbue energy into it, could we still have gotten a lighter dose?” Himiko asked curiously, as they poured, “You said a light dose could just relax a person. I could see that being a nice way to spend a lazy afternoon.”

“Well, the amount you ingest is a determining factor as well. And, yes, without imbuing energy, it would be a lighter dose. For a standard solution, a teaspoon would result in a peaceful eight hours of sleep. With strong bonds…” Lluwyn trailed off for a moment, peering at the sparkly gel. “I believe a quarter teaspoon would have an equivalent effect, with your solution. And you would likely have a deeper sleep as well.”

“It is a frustratingly vague range, I’m aware,” he sighed. “But we have yet to concretely measure a factor that is in a sense unique to each person. Using your inherent magic more, it becomes easier to regulate how much you use, but there is not a table or chart that can tell you how to do it.”

For a moment, Lluwyn went quiet before his eye sharpened and focused on his student. “Studies have shown that sopor solution is not medicinally addictive, however there have been cases where a person’s natural sleep cycle has been thrown off, if they have been regularly taking it to sleep. If you do want a sleep aid, I would advise you to talk with a doctor, for more scientific methods, or an apothecary pharmacist.”

“Eh… I wanna secretly feed it to the kids who are throwing tantrums in the store.” Himiko said grimly.

“She’s kidding.” Shuichi assured Lluwyn, having spent enough time with Himiko now to know that her humor could randomly get a bit dark. Admiring the potion in the jar before saying, “Unfortunately, having a baby around sort of means that even when I’m sleeping, being deeply asleep is potentially disastrous. Kaito takes sleeping pills, but us and his therapist basically bullied him into it over the last few months. Two of us being medically knocked out isn’t wise, especially when I don’t personally have any sleeping issues. So I likely won’t try this myself. Shame, I’d love to see it work.”

“Flick it on screaming children.”

“I probably shouldn’t suggest Kaito try this instead of his prescribed pills either.” Shuichi sighed, impressed with the potion but a little disappointed to not have an immediate use for it… before lighting up, “Do you think I should show them my ability to make this? It might be just showy enough and just not dangerous enough to not make either of my partners go ‘oh no’.”

“I’d be more worried about that friend of yours, Maki. She’s kinda scary.”

“She knows, Himiko, how much I’m experimenting with this. We literally worked in her room, remember?”

“I just meant in general.”

The reassurance, as Lluwyn gave Himiko a highly judging look. Secretly drugging children was certainly not a safe use of magic. And there would be more than a few people objecting to it. In an openly magical community, like in Falcon’s Hollow, disputes were relatively easily settled, but out in the cities? 

A true Dicean, just the thought of all that being settled in secret deeply disturbed Lluwyn.

“If you are going to store it, sopor solution has a shelf life of three months. As long as you do not see mold growing on it, it still should be fine after that, if ineffective. You may be able to talk with some of the community vendors in town, to see if they would sell it, if you have no use for it.” Especially if Shuuichi would make more. 

Lighting up as well, Lluwyn nodded with a small smile. “You would naturally be the best judge of character, so if you think this would be a good gateway into telling them about your studies? Then it was something I would approve of as well. You two did great work.”

Shuichi, pleased, bowed his head respectfully, “Thank you for teaching us. I owe you a debt.” Before raising his head, looking reassured as he said, “The potion turning to gelatin and sparkling was pretty, I think it’ll be a nice way of showing them what I’m trying to do.”

“Better than fireball spells.” Himiko mused.

“And it didn’t turn into acid or a storm! This will definitely work.” Shuichi beamed… before giving Lluwyn a sheepish look, “It can be a little difficult to predict how either of them will react to any sort of magic-based thing these days. They’re stressed. I mention this because there is a not-zero chance that at least one of them may have questions for you. And if it’s Kaito, depending on his mood, he might be… weird. About it. Either pointedly chipper to the point of eeriness or gritting his teeth the entire time. Either way, he really is… mostly harmless. A bit of patience with him goes a long way, if I could ask you to be patient if he approaches you.”

It was a simple reaction, not something unachievable with chemistry (though, the line between potion-making and chemistry was very, very thin) but…if it was enough to convince Shuuichi’s partners? Then Lluwyn was happy to have guided them through a simple, safe practice. 

Especially if their relationship with magic was complicated. 

Lluwyn gave Shuuichi a slightly worried look before nodding. “I see… He was quite pleasant, the last time we met, but I will extend patience towards any questions he may have. I understand having concerns around the safety of magical study.”

“Should I be expecting any follow-up on your end, Himiko?” Lluwyn asked, turning to her.

“I’m going to wait until I can do a few more impressive things before I show my master,” Himiko admitted, looking mildly sheepish at that, “I think he knows I’m doing all of this, but I don’t think he’s quite realized how much progress I’m making. He can underestimate me, sometimes… it’s just cause he worries.”

“What about family?” Shuichi asked, having never heard Himiko mention anyone other than her master in her life, “Would they notice what you’re up too?”

Himiko smiled a little sadly at that, “...no. They wouldn’t. I moved out after high school. I only moved a few streets away, to be closer to the shop, but… no one has come to see where I live yet. It’s been almost three years… I don’t think any of them will ever notice.”

Shuichi gave her a soft look at that, before reaching over to place a hand on her shoulder, “I understand that. I’m sorry if they won’t take an interest, now that it’s your own life. Even if I think he’s a bit overly fussy, I can appreciate your master has invested himself… oh! If you have your own place, perhaps I…” Shuichi suddenly blushed, “Oh, I’m sorry, I was about to invite myself and my friends over…”

“Nyeh?” Himiko said, eyes lighting up, “You want to come over?”

“Well, yes. The castle is great, but having guests over can be kind of hectic. Of  course we could just go out to a cafe or something, but I always found people personal homes were a great place to make tea and relax and chat. Perhaps I just romanticize it a little bit, I’ve never lived somewhere on my own,” Shuichi admitted, smiling lightly, “So I always find something very interesting and comforting, visiting someone’s home. Uh, but, again, that was me getting overexcited and inviting myself–”

“I should have a PARTY!” Himiko suddenly exclaimed. Looking determined as she looked between Lluwyn and Shuichi, “And you both can come and we’ll do MAGIC STUFF!”

“Uuuuuuuh, I mean, we can’t show everyone magic things… wait, actually, can we?” Shuichi murmured, his eyes squinting as he thought about the people who might actually get invited to Himiko’s party.

Lluwyn nodded--reasonable enough--before just…letting Shuuichi handle the emotional side of things. For one, he had only met Shuuichi and Himiko a few days ago, so there was only so far general sympathy could go. It didn’t feel like his place to express dismay, especially since it seemed she was happy with her tutelage otherwise. 

…quite shameful of her family, though, to not even both checking in with it being so convenient. 

But the happier subject they landed on…

Lluwyn jumped a little at Himiko’s sudden burst of excitement, looking a little startled at the prospect, before it turned into pure contemplation. “I have never been invited to a party before… I believe it would be an enlightening experience, especially if we shall perform further experiments.”

“I think if we’re showing off, whatever we presented should be a bit more practiced than experiments.” Shuichi smiled, enjoying Himiko’s growing excitement to host a party at wherever she lived. “Parties are a lot of work though, Himiko. Are you sure you’re up to it?”

“Eh? That’s what I have you for.” Himiko said, like it was obvious, as Shuichi gave her a dry look at that, “You and Maki-roll will help me set up the party!”

Shuichi blinked, startled at that last bit, “I’m sorry, ‘Maki-roll’? When did you hear that?”

“Prince Kaito called her Maki-roll at the anniversary party. That’s her nickname, right? It’s cute, I like it.”

“Sure, but… really only Kaito calls her that. I’m not sure I can even predict how she’d react if you called her that.”

“It’ll be fiiiine,” Himiko said, waving her hand without much concern, “Maki’s kinda scary, but I think she could be a cool friend to have. I’ve never been friends with an assassin before.”

“Oh, well, she’s not really that either.”

“Himiko the Mage, backed up by her close friend, Maki-roll the Assassin! That sounds pretty cool.” Himiko said dreamily. “Shuichi the Mage-Detective sounds cool too, but I think you should probably go back to school and finish that if you want that title.”

Shuichi twitched, “I am still a detective… historically.”

He was about to argue that Maki wasn’t going to like any of that, but, well… Himiko was oddly like Kaito, the more Shuichi got to know her. She was largely motivated by things being ‘impressive’ and ‘cool’, and if those motivations didn’t seem to so sincerely delight her, Shuichi would worry such superficial things wouldn’t be enough to rely on her determination. But, well… they were. She really wanted to do cool things. And she was enchanted by the showmanship of magic in the same way he was enchanted by the practical aspect of it.

And apparently, like Kaito, she thought being friends with an assassin was just fucking cool for its own sake.

Maki would show her why calling her ‘Maki-Roll’ was a bad idea in general. Shuichi would let her fight that battle on her own.

“Oh, Nadya did mention that you were taking classes to regain your certification,” Lluwyn hummed softly, latching onto the bit he had more context to. “I would be curious, if you had the time outside of our lessons, to see the processes by which you test substances. There is quite a lot of literature in the community about reactive properties, and using them to discover components, and I will admit I am less versed with the chemical approach.”

“But that’s an aside,” he waved the notion away. “Just as important, let us go over the proper ways of cleaning after a potion.”

“Not it.”

“Not a chance, Himiko.”

“Nyeeeeeh.”

-

It was technically Kokichi’s turn to watch over Miyako, meaning Kaito could go off and do whatever he felt like, right then. But he had spent all of Kokichi’s shift hanging out on the bed, looking through letters again. He had eventually gotten copies made, not able to hold onto the originals indefinitely, and in truth he had already looked over everything at least once, but… he was just looking again. Idly searching for anything he might have missed. 

As he looked over border agreements– a clause in there that Kaito felt like had been proposed with him in mind, that Luminary visitors during border closures could be allowed to freely return to the Luminary side of the border. His father could have been concerned about him getting trapped through another war, no one could prove that hadn’t happened– Kaito recalled Kokichi mentioning that something was coming up… “Hey, babe?” Kaito called, placing the letters down and looking over to him and Miyako, “You’ve mentioned Remembrance a few times now. That’s this week, right? How does that… work? The holiday, I mean?”

Kokichi was spinning in slow circles around the room, trying to soothe a fussy Miyako. She hadn’t gotten to full tantrum mode, just whining softly, and she wasn’t hungry and he’d already changed her and nothing was snagging… But she did seem to be deeming his attention and the soft movements acceptable, so…spinning it was. 

He looked up as Kaito called out, smiling sheepishly as he swayed. “It’s tomorrow, yeah…”

“It’s a nationally recognized holiday, so people have the day off from work, but…it’s not as big as, like, Zenith,” he started to explain, hiking Miyako up in his arms. “A lot of people have house parties, or community gatherings, and…usually it turns into a big potluck of passed loved ones’ favorite foods, and some of the bigger gatherings play people’s favorite songs, and some people bring pictures, and…generally you’ll gather together and just…tell stories about your passed loved one. Honoring their memory. I know it’s a religious adoption, but people will sometimes light candles and place them in windows for the night.”

“I’m kinda glad you asked,” Kokichi softly laughed, giving Kaito another sheepish look. “I was gonna ask, when we all got together for dinner, if there was a way you guys wanted to celebrate, or if you’d mind if I went out for a little to celebrate if you didn’t want to.”

Glancing to the letters on the bed, Kokichi’s expression softened. “...it wouldn’t be an ‘instead’ thing, but…I wanted to ask you if you wanted to honor your parents. Especially since…yanno. Timing.”

“Oh, I know, the timing’s perfect, isn’t it?” Kaito mused, giving Miyako a little wave– fussy baby did not seem appeased by dad waves, wet eyes blinking grumpily as Kokichi swayed– before giving Kokichi a small, curious look… before his eyes lit up with recollection, “Oh, right. Wow, I’m glad I brought it up too, you missed Remembrance around this time last year, right? Cause of everything? Do you join the celebrations or do you just go to the memorial garden for a bit, beautiful? We can do both, or either, or whatever, we can figure out who’s watching Miya any way you look at it.”

Scratching his chin, Kaito nodded, “And yeah, that’s why I asked. I figured, ya know, if everyone’s sad about dead people or whatever, I should definitely take advantage. Do a lot of honoring in ways more than’s just, ya know, the shrine. Just wasn’t sure what the process really looked like, if there even was one.”

Kokichi hummed softly, making a small “fun” sound as he gently bent his knees to give Miyako a sort of “bounce”, like an inverted, slow, very safe version of tossing her. Fussy babies needed attention even during more serious conversations. 

…yeah. The year before, they had just gotten back from that party at the brewery, Kokichi had gotten that shitty letter from Byakuya… He hadn’t exactly made plans to do anything, more focused on attending to his family, but…still. Not that…

Kokichi sighed softly, giving Kaito a regretful look. “I’ve spent a lot of Rememberances alone…which is kind of dumb since…you can’t really share memories with no one else there. I spent a lot of them in the observatory, reading my mom’s journals. But…I think I want to go to a proper celebration…”

“...unless we wanna do something together?”

“If what you want to do together is a proper celebration.” Kaito said cheerfully, smiling lightly as he watched Kokichi bounce Miyako a little. “Man, why is she so grumpy today? Little Miyaaaa~ We could ask Shuichi if he’s in or out. Shuichi might be in just to support us, but if he’s out that’s the Miyako situation worked out right there. And I’m not sure I can think of anyone he’d specifically want to do a remembrance thing for. Still worth asking, but I bet he’d be okay with us going out to do it.”

Kokichi offered Kaito a small, but genuinely happy smile before he nodded. “I was kinda thinking that too, yeah. Whatever our plans ended up being, I was gonna talk to you guys about it…but yeah.”

Sighing, he lifted Miya in the air a little before bringing her nose to nose with him--though with a little space to protect against curious baby hands. “Miyaaaaaa~ Were you feeling left out? Did you not sleep well? Is it just a grumpy day? It’s okay, Daddy has those days too. It doesn’t feel great, but remember--happier days are always ahead.”

Miyako sniffed bitterly.

{Toes.} She sent to him. The little things flexing as she thought about them. A dinging in Kaito’s head as she insisted, {No toes.}

Miyako had, by chance, noticed her toes wiggling and, briefly, been shocked to notice she felt things when her toes wiggled. Not pain. Just small evidence that toes existed.

She was not pleased. She kept pinging Dad to fix the issue, sulking as he continued, as always, to ignore her. Cruel father. How could she live with this annoyance? Take them away!

She would very likely forget she had toes in about an hour. She forgot she had hands all the time. But she usually only noticed hands existed when she was grabbing something and they were doing something that pleased her. Toes though?? Weird and very likely entirely useless.

Kaito chuckled as his head dinged. “Ya know, if I wasn’t so used to the random sound of bells by now, I think I’d start getting comfortable with the idea that I don’t have to get notified every time she wants something. What’s dad not doing this time?”

Kokichi laughed softly and kissed her head, heading over to the bed. “She recognizes her toes, and she is not happy about it. She doesn’t feel pain from them or anything,” he quickly clarified, “but she just doesn’t like that they’re there.”

Very carefully, Kokichi laid Miyako down on their bed, taking a look at the little lumps in her wrap that were her feet. He opened his mouth, then closed it, giving Kaito a curious look. “...does Luminary have piggies?”

Snorting at their daughter– Miyako, why no toes? Toes were fun to massage!-- Kaito gave Kokichi a look that was borderline incredulous, as he said, “...yes? We have pigs. Why?”

“Hee!” Kokichi let out a burst of an exasperatedly amused laugh before he shook his head. “Sorry, no, I mean the…like, little game for kids, with their toes. It’s not…even really a game, but…I have no idea what else to call it. A nice sensory thing, I guess.”

Kaito shook his head, putting the letters aside as he scooted over, “Not that I’m aware of. We have paddy cake, which, let me tell you, does not seem to work on her. Guess line of sight tricks doesn’t work when the baby can just feel you standing there. How’s it go?” he asked curiously, more than happy to learn a new baby trick.

“Her object permanence is hard to judge, when she can still always sense where people are,” Kokichi hummed, before giving a pleased nod and starting to excavate their daughter’s feet out of her blankets. It might aggravate her more to have even more attention brought to her toes, but…it might make her happy, if there was something fun associated with them. 

Starting with the big toe of her left foot, Kokichi gently wiggled it in his fingers, like a light massage. “This little piggy went to market!”

His voice was more sing-song, cementing it as a game of sorts as he moved onto her next toe. “This little piggy stayed home.”

“This little piggy ate roaaaaaaast beef!”

“And this little piggy had none.”

“And this little piggy went wheee, wheee, wheee! All the way home!!” As he wiggled Miyako’s pinky toe, Kokichi gently scrambled his fingers up her leg to tickle her belly, getting the piggy “home”. 

Miyako had pouted, at first, to see the horrendous toes again… before her eyes went wide, fascinated as daddy started to speak in a silly voice, touching her toes in a way that grew more and more enchanting as he went, her body jolting in surprise at the sudden whee, whee, whee, before fingers scrambling up and–

Well, who was she to not light up at a good tickle. She gave a soft, gasping laugh, her body wiggling and kicking slightly as she stared at Kokichi, fascinated.

Kaito, in turn, chuckled– cute– before musing over the pinky toe. “What had the last piggy all bent out of shape? Or are those happy whee’s?”

Grinning at her laugh, Kokichi bent over to place a kiss on Miyako’s head, happy his gamble had paid off. Yesssss, score one for the dads! 

“Honestly, I have no idea,” Kokichi grinned at Kaito. “I haven’t thought about that rhyme for ages… I never noticed, as a kid, that they rhymed ‘home’ twice, and with ‘none’ which…aren’t even rhymes.”

“I’d like to think they’re happy ‘whee’s though. Even if it is just a sort of generic pig noise.”

Kokichi thought for a moment. “...what is it with pigs and nursery rhymes?”

Kaito gave Kokichi an amused look at that. Playing with Miyako’s arms, chest and fingers now as she basked in many dad attentions now, “You’re gonna have to clarify for me, babe. Do you guys have a lot of rhymes with pigs?”

“Well…admittedly, I’m mostly thinking about The Three Little Pigs, and then the piggies,” Kokichi laughed sheepishly. “Hmm… I think there’s ones with thumbs, too. That’s…mm. Maybe not so much, I guess. Few about sheep, too. Though, it does make more sense for there to be a lot of songs and rhymes about animals in general, since…yanno, kids like animals.”

“Do you have any fond nursery rhymes from your childhood, Kai-chan?” he asked. 

“Oh, course.” Kaito smiled, laying on his stomach and placing a fond kiss against Miyako’s temple, before smirking, “We had a few weird ones. You guys probably have some too, nursery rhymes with weirdly dark meanings once you’re old enough to know what they are? We had one about the plague that I found out as an adult used to be a cautionary tale about trusting in flowers to keep people from getting sick. I guess it was a thing that when the plague happened, people kept flowers on them as some sort of common belief that it’d help?”

Tapping against Miyako’s arms and shoulders, he sang-song out, “Ring around the roses, pockets full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down~” Snorting to himself a little as he explained, “People would burn down infected buildings to try to stem the spread. Basically don’t go out with flowers thinking that’ll protect you, or you’ll get sick, burn and die.”

Kaito lit up, as he said, “I remember one dad used to sing to me.”

Gently taking Miyako’s hand, he started poking the tips of her fingers, counting them out, as he sang out, something almost scolding in his tone, though playful, “One, two, three, four, five, once I caught the kid alive~ Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, but then I had to let him go!” Or, he supposed, let her go, in this context, as he gave her an exaggerated startled look, letting her hands go, before tapping her fingers to the beat again as he asked, “Why’d I have to let her go? Because she bit my finger so.” He said, tapping at her lower lip, “Which finger did she bite? I’ll show you, the finger,” He said, bringing up her right hand and saying menacingly, as he brought her hand up to his mouth, “On the right~”

And then with loud, exaggerated nom-nom-nom sounds, he pretended to eat her finger, before placing little kisses against her face. Grinning as she giggled, coo’ing, “Miyaaaa~ So mean. Why did you eat my finger, baby? Dad’s not a meal~”

“Wow, that is dark,” Kokichi snorted, “And very catchy, in the nursery rhyme style. And you’re right, we do have a few dark ones. There’s a really common song about the Myrrdin Bridge collapsing. Kind of a horrific occurrence, but the kind of thing kids sing while skipping around.”

He could see why certain rhymes caught on, as people would find inspiration by any and everything in the world, but Kokichi had no idea why they would become children’s rhymes. Such a bizarre occurrence. 

Smiling as Kaito went into another one, Kokichi watched on as Kaito counted their daughter’s fingers…and then gobbled one up. Kokichi giggled right along with Miyako, giving Kaito a fond look. “Seems like she really likes that one. Miya taking whatever she wants, even Dad’s fingers.”

“Though you’re definitely more than a snack, so I’d call you a meal,” he winked.

Kaito’s neck and cheeks reddened a little at that, before chuckling, a small, pleased sound as he kissed Miyako’s forehead against, “Daddy’s being cute, Miya~ Tell your daddy to stop being so cute. Tell him or dad’s gonna nom-nom-nom.” 

Nomming on her forehead now, Kaito had to admit that he basically had a cheat code, when it came to making their daughter laugh. She loved the aggressive nom-nom-nom thing. Kaito could see why he had so many early memories of his dad catching him in the war room and pretending to eat or bite various parts of him. Kids fucking loved that shit, apparently. He should have tried it on Maki’s siblings as a teenager, he’d have rocked playtime. Probably been tackled less too.

“But, alright, yeah. We’ll ask Shuichi when he comes back for dinner if he wants to join us for Remembrance stuff tomorrow, or if he wouldn’t mind watching Miyako. I’ll ask Maki and Timothy if they want to do anything for it too. They both lost people this last year too. Maybe they’ll want to honor them in some way.”

He didn’t really think either of them would take him up on it– Maki was a fairly private griever even at the worst of times, and he doubted a random, Dicean designated day for it would have Tim feeling sentimental about the Luminary party or his fellow fallen soldiers. As he had said, the timing just happened to work out for him. A holiday he didn’t have much investment in honoring the dead just happened to be two days before the anniversary of the death of his parents.

He wasn’t even being extra or melodramatic about it, to at least acknowledge it outside of his shrine. It was a literal holiday. He was allowed. 

Didn’t look like stopping herself from being on the menu was something Miyako wanted. The watery gleam was gone from her eyes, replaced with a delighted glitter, her little chubby cheeks pink from laughter. No existential crises about toes today, no ma’am!

Nodding, Kokichi played with Miyako’s feet a little as Kaito claimed her head. “Yeah. Like…we’ll talk about it all as a group, but I would be happy doing something just with our family, if we wanted it to be a little more private. Or if we stopped by somewhere… I dunno. We’ll talk about it.”

“...do you think there’s anything you’d wanna cook?” Kokichi peered over at Kaito. “I…realize I probably should’ve talked with you guys sooner, in that case, so you could plan more, but since the market’s gonna be closed tomorrow… I mean, we do have the greenhouse and kitchen pantry, but still.”

“Nah, that’s alright.” Kaito said, still contently kissing various parts of her head and tapping at her little hands as Miyako preened and cheerfully wiggled at all of their attention, “I think it’ll just be nice to just do something that acknowledges it in some way. Even if that just means being around other people who are acknowledging their own dead people, ya know? I mean, I honor mine in my shrine pretty frequently. Prayers, offerings, ya know. It’s just…” Kaito shrugged, “Nice to be around other people sometimes.” 

“That’s all I really want to do. Even if all that really looks like is going to the Memorial Garden or, like… maybe there’s some public events going on. I don’t really know what to expect.” Kaito admitted, giving Kokichi an amused look. “It doesn’t have to be anything personalized or fancy for me. Grief is pretty quiet in Luminary. But I just like the idea of being a part of something official.”

Kokichi smiled softly. “It is…” 

There really was something to processing grief alone…but that couldn’t be all of it, at least how Kokichi had decided for his own heart. Sharing in a person’s memory, and, in a way, seeing a person’s expression of love…it had always settled something in him. A reminder both of how wildly diverse every person was, while at the same time sharing in something that marked them all as alive. While there might be tears, things felt better, knowing that others were going through the same thing, and they were all there for each other. 

“The garden tends to be pretty busy, but it’s pretty nice… I know a lot of religious communities get together, doing things more specifically for how their faith views death, along with the usual stuff. Know there’s usually a few bigger gatherings at various community centers too. I think Lake-nee and Nazumi-chan usually have a house party for Rememberance, though it’s only a handful of people.”

…predictably, death could be a difficult subject for his sister and her partner, if the wrong people were around. 

Looking to the side, Kokichi offered up a guilty smile. “...I was kind of hoping to find a music group at some point. Usually they take requests for the deceased’s favorite songs. That Empath I told you about, Miku…her close friend passed on, and I asked if I could honor her during Remembrance, and she gave me a song. I’d probably try to sing it anyway, but it does sound better with music along with it, especially if I mess up.”

Kaito grinned wide at that, before coo’ing to his daughter, “Daddy’s gonna put on a shooooow~ Now dad has to go see it, there’s no more if’s, and’s or but’s about it. Gonna go watch Daddy sing a song~”

-

…it was 5 am. Too early to wake up, for a lot of people, though Kokichi would be awake regardless, on baby duty as he was. But normally he was half-dozing in the window seat, keeping an ear out for the alarm and Miyako, or perhaps reading if sleep eluded him. 

Not quietly pacing around the room, running a hand through his hair over and over. He wouldn’t leave Miyako alone while it was his turn, no way, and…and regardless, Kaito would be asleep for a while, still knocked out on his meds. And…sure, it didn’t have to be Kaito, Ikuo wasn’t half bad in the kitchen, and he was used to getting up early for the housekeepers’ meetings, but…Kokichi felt bad this early…

And he wasn’t going to leave Miyako anyway! So it couldn’t be now!

With a quiet groan, Kokichi turned, continuing to wear holes in the floor.

Shuichi was a deep, deep, deep sleeper. 

Kaito wasn’t, but he was drugged up, so for all intents and purposes, now he was. The two sleeping soundly as Kokichi paced and paced and paced. Shuichi’s ears only tuned for the alarm, and even then, only being really conscious of it on his shifts– he had no idea how he managed to do it, no matter how much Kaito insisted he be taught. He just could.

It was actually only Miyako who had been woken up by Soft Heat fussing, an anxious, determined, anxious, determined, anxious feeling radiating off of him… and she pouted sleepily into the creeping morning sunlight. It was not food time yet. She wasn’t hungry, she was sleepy.

But, Miyako was a baby with options. And before she decided to wail about the injustice of being disturbed, she reached out her little mind hands and–

Kaito’s head dinged, but he didn’t stir. The pills were strong. Shuichi, however, fluttered his eyes open. Sitting up and looking at Kokichi like he could barely see him, before getting up, shuffling over, and with a heavy thwump, putting his arms around Kokichi’s shoulder, burying his head in his fiances neck.

“....stooooop.” Shuichi murmured sleepily. Before blinking again, mildly startled to realize he was awake. Why was he awake… oh, right. Kokichi was upset and pacing. He had… heard?? That??? “...What’s the matter?” He whispered.

Kokichi paused when he saw Shuuichi get up, apologies already on his lips, though he smiled softly at the flopping hug. “Sorry, sweetheart; I didn’t mean to wake you…”

He sighed, putting his hands over Shuuichi’s. “It…wasn’t quite like a dream of a memory… Now that I’m aware of things…there’s a part of me that really wants to make snickerdoodle cookies for today. And I have…no idea how to do that. I feel like they’re complicated.”

…but at the same time, he knew they weren’t, could practically envision rolling balls of dough in cinnamon and sugar, sneaking bites of the airy cookie before they were cooled, already melting the dollops of whipped cream…

“...I already have enough people to mourn,” Kokichi half-heartedly huffed, already resigned to his own feelings. “...sorry. I’ll sit down. You should get back to sleep…”

Shuichi blinked sleepily. “...this is a baking emergency?” He asked, confirming.

Kokichi sighed, rubbing a hand down his face, since he didn’t want to jostle Shuuichi off. “...it’s a baking emergency.”

Shuichi sighed. Hugged Kokichi, nodding. Before shuffling sleepily back to Kaito and, with another little sigh, put his hands over Kaito’s mouth and nose. And just held it for a second.

“...hrk!?” Kaito’s eyes shot open, his body trying to take in a breath, and at the end of the attempt Shuichi let his hands go, staring dispassionately as Kaito huffed, giving him a wild, confused look, “???”

“Kokichi has a baking emergency.” Shuichi yawned. Ignoring Kaito’s outraged, incredulous stare as he climbed over him, curling back into the pillows, “I’ll watch Miyako.” He promised sleepily. Eyes already closed.

“What? What? You can’t just… Shuichi? Don’t pretend to be asleep, you… Shuichi?” Kaito half-whispered, half shouted, not wanting to potentially wake Miyako but poking furiously at Shuichi, who seemed perfectly content to lie there with his eyes closed, curled around a pillow. Kaito just staring at him, before saying, “What the heck is a baking emergency? At least go sleep at the window seat!”

Kokichi made a hushed little distressed noise as he saw what Shuuichi’s solution to his emergency was, and he tried to rush across the room without sounding like an elephant, only for it to be too late. Rest in Peace, the rest of Kaito’s sleep. We will mourn you as well today. 

Sighing, the cookie already crumbled--but not because they hadn’t made any yet!--Kokichi gave Kaito a sheepish, apologetic look. “...I got the feeling, because of soul things, that I really, really want to make snickerdoodles for today. I’m sorry, Kai-chan…you can go back to sleep. I was pacing, and… It’s my fault. We can wait until later.”

“...it’s a soul based baking emergency??”

“Guys, Miya and I are sleeping, go have weird soul shenanigans somewhere else.” Shuichi murmured.

“I am going to… gah!” Kaito huffed, glaring at Shuichi, pulling himself out of bed as he said, “I don’t know! I’m telling Maki on you. She’s really creative with punishments! She’ll know what to do!”

“Shhhhhh,” Shuichi shhh’d, eyes still closed, “Soul based emergency, Maki will say the danger is in you being asleep, I get full pardons, I win.”

“Grrrr!” Kaito growled quietly at him, before taking a pillow and throwing it at Shuichi’s shoulder. Shuichi took the pillow and pulled it under the blanket, wrapping his knees and thighs around it. Humming contently. “Jerk.” Kaito grumbled. “You promise you’ll be awake? For Miyako?”

Another small hum. Kaito sighed, before looking around for pants, “Snickerdoodles… just cookies, right? I don’t have a recipe for snickerdoodles…” Kaito grumbled sleepily, putting on discarded sweatpants and looking fitfully around for a shirt, before wandering into the closet and grabbing the first thing he saw, which was a jacket, and pulling it around himself without a shirt as he slipped on slippers, before heading out of the closet, grumbling, “Do I need to go to Chako for snickerdoodle recipes? What time is it? Might be able to trade egg peeling or dish washing…”

Kokichi could only sigh again, though…he didn’t fight it too much. A part of him really did feel like he needed to make those cookies. 

(Mariam always was demanding, and Koharu ever acquiescing.) 

His usual summer pajamas of a loose tee shirt and shorts was fine for going out in, but Kokichi did slip on a pair of slippers before following Kaito, frowning softly. “It’s a holiday, she has the day off… I-it’s five, by the way…sorry.”

“We might be able to find a recipe in a cookbook? I know there’s a big selection in the library,” Kokichi posited, though he looked around with a frown. “...they’re just…cookies, so there should be all the ingredients in the pantry…”

Kaito yawned. Pausing, before looking blearily at Kokichi, “The library locked? On a holiday?”

“Never is…and it wouldn’t be an issue either way,” Kokichi smiled sheepishly at his husband.

The castle was quiet as they made their way down to the first floor, lacking the usual hustle and bustle of the regular early-risers, getting a start on cleaning or cooking or maintenance, or even the more motivated office workers. With no one extra coming in, and none of the residents having to get ready for work, and no guests scheduling anything quite so early…it was almost eerie. 

The library was similarly empty, lacking the usual sight of Malcolm lounging around the help desk, but Kokichi didn’t need a guide to find the cooking section, making a bee line for it and pulling Kaito along. 

Searching through a baking book, Kokichi glanced up with a mildly apologetic look. “Have…you had snickerdoodles before?”

Yawning, but a little more awake now– well, with the pills still coursing through him. At least he was at the end of their influence, he’d have been awake in a few hours anyway– Kaito admitted, “I’m not sure. Remind me what’s in them?” as he picked out a book that looked promising, opening it up and searching through the index. Hmmm, no good. He’d try another one.

…

“...uh…cookie stuff?” Kokichi shrugged, giving his husband an uncertain smile. “They’re rolled in cinnamon sugar, but they’re not just…like…regular sugar cookies otherwise. They’re…”

Kokichi definitely had had snickerdoodles before, even without the weird memories. A distinct taste lingered on the back of his tongue regardless. 

“...they’re slightly sour? I guess I’d say? There’s something extra, or different, in them, either way… And they puff up different from other cookies, like they have a delicate skin on top, though you don’t have to do anything special for that.”

Kaito hummed slightly at that, sorting through another book, smiling lightly at the index before flipping through the pages. “...tartar and cinnamon.” Kaito read, all the other ingredients just ‘being a cookie’, before showing Kokichi the Snickerdoodle page, which had an image of the final product on its heading, “That what we’re looking for, beautiful? Soul-based baking emergency cinnamon cookies?”

Kokichi looked at the picture, before nodding emphatically, something excited burning in his chest. “Yeah! That’s them. I…have no idea what ‘cream of tartar’ is, but…you think they’ll have it in the kitchen?”

“If they do, they’re about to have less of it. Come along, Kokichi, it’s time to go do crimes~” Kaito sang-song, snapping the book shut and leading the way out of the library, to the kitchen.

Listening as Kokichi earnestly explained that taking food from the castle kitchen wasn’t actually a crime, so long as you left a note about emptying out their specific ingredients so that the kitchen wasn’t caught off guard and you made some sort of effort to replenish supplies without it affecting the next day’s menu, Kaito nodded along as they looked for ingredients in the pantry…

“So~” Kaito hummed, giving Kokichi a quick glance as he collected some sugar in a jar, measuring it out beforehand, “...snickerdoodles, huh? I took Shuichi and you at your word, but I gotta know– what the heck makes a soul-based baking emergency?”

Kokichi, more unfamiliar with the kitchen but not because of a specific ban, mostly followed Kaito around, arranging things on counters when Kaito told him to. When they left their room, he had figured they’d have to get the ingredients and then go upstairs to the class kitchen…

But he had pointed it out himself. It was a holiday, so…no one was coming in to cook. There were a lot of leftovers in the fridge, and probably a few people would come by to cook for themselves, but…for the most part, the kitchen would be theirs. 

Ah! Pre-heat the oven! That was an important part!

“Well… I was watching Miya, and I just… I really felt like I needed to make them for today,” Kokichi said softly, aware of how ridiculous it all was. “I knew it was early, and that I could probably find someone else to help me make them, but…it just kind of spiraled in my head. A part of me needed to make them today.”

“I see, I see…” Kaito murmured, looking over the recipe book and, spotting Kokichi looking at one of the ovens, called out, “350 degrees, babe. If you know how to turn it on. If you don’t, give me one minute, I’ll come show you.” He promised, measuring out some flour as he looked around the supply cabinets, finding a good sized mixing bowl. 

It was weird, having the big kitchen to himself to cook. Kaito spent arguably a lot of time in here, this last year, but for the most part he spent it trying to take up as little space as possible, not really looking up from whatever he was doing unless he was talking to Chako. But now he was just strolling around like he owned the place, humming to himself a bit as he looked through supplies and took up counter space and put aside things he’d need later but didn’t need that very second.

It was stupid, but he almost felt smug. Ha. His turn.

“I’m getting the impression you don’t know why you needed to do it. But, if you want, you can use me as a soundboard while you talk it out to yourself.” Kaito said, taking some sticks of butter and putting aside a cups worth of them.

Well…the dial with all the numbers seemed pretty self-explanatory. And, hey, he even figured out that you needed to push the dial in before turning! Ha! Cooking wasn’t so hard!

…he’d still ask Kaito to double-check it.

Sighing, Kokichi patted his hands on the spare apron he’d snagged when they arrived. “I can connect the dots, even without knowing immediately…and the feelings I have just back it up. It’s Remembrance, I wanted to make a specific kind of cookie, even though we didn’t commit to going to a party, so no one would be expecting us to bring anything. So…obviously, I want to honor someone close to me, by making their favorite food.”

Kokichi frowned, looking to the side. “...it feels like someone I loved a lot.”

Kaito, spotting the apron Kokichi was wearing, murmured to himself, “Oh, that’s a good idea,” before heading over and grabbing one for himself. Deciding to just shrug off his jacket and put it on the hanger hooks near the door, before heading over to the oven to take a look. “See this button?” Kaito told Kokichi, pointing to a button on the far right with a lock symbol on it, “You have the degree set right, but clicking that will release the gas and let it start warming up. Otherwise perfect. I’m going to start mixing, could you find the cookie sheet and some brown cooking paper over there in those cabinets for me?”

Heading back to the mixing, he ignored the various mixing tools they had around for just mixing the damn things in by hand. It had been Timothy who had pointed out that, at least for a small batch, using the mixer and beaters was messy and not very efficient, couldn’t you just squish the ingredients together between your fists? And Kaito had tried it and had cursed every trying to use a whisk again, at least, again, for small batches. 

“...oh?” Kaito said, rolling over the idea that they were baking cookies for one of Kokichi’s old lovers– maybe? Maybe an old spouse? Could be a family member or a friend, but his first impulse was spouse. Hmmm… before looking over his shoulder and smiling a bit, “I’m gonna need a hand towel in a bit, but the cookies will be mixed up soon, so it’ll just be putting them on the sheet and warming them up.”

“And I think that’s great. I’m glad you’re remembering someone you loved… love.” Kaito corrected himself, cracking an egg in and mixing it, the flour and sugar and softened butter all mixing and melding with only a slight chill against his fingers, “Maybe it’s unwise to rush it, but I hope you remember more of them. That’s the theme of the holiday, right? I wonder who they were?”

Kokichi made a little “oh” expression as he looked at the lock button, nodding. Okay, two steps for the oven, got it. Good to know for next time. 

…a cookie sheet was one of those flat trays, right? And the paper was probably to line it, he knew that much. Did it have to be a perfect fit? It probably looked nicer if it was…

Working on getting the paper to the perfect size of the tray, Kokichi glanced over at Kaito before nodding, nabbing a hand towel for when Kaito needed it. The recipe was turning out to be much easier than he thought… But…

“...no, we’ve gotta roll them in cinnamon and sugar, before flattening the balls on the sheet,” Kokichi said softly, squinting a little. They definitely needed a book for the recipe, but that part he definitely remembered. 

Sighing, he nodded. “I’m sure it’ll come to me eventually, if a part of me wants to remember badly enough to make cookies at five in the morning. I could delve in and find out right away, but…I wanna be here. I’ll probably have enough of remembering weird stuff, I’ll enjoy the slow trickle.”

It wasn’t anything crazy or drastic like it had been remembering his own life. Just…small, simple memories, that he absolutely knew where they were coming from. 

Kaito paused, looking over the recipe again, before his eyes darted to the other side of the page, “Ah. Okay, I see it now. Still, not hard. Could you make the cinnamon sugar mix, ‘Kichi, and I’ll start rolling them?”

“And honestly, if I was in their place?” Kaito said– and one  day he would be– as he glanced over at the recipe again, just to make certain he hadn’t missed anything else, before taking the mix and starting to roll pieces of it between his hands, pausing to put a dash more flour against his palms before going back to it, “I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself rushing. You only just got your memories back, and you have the rest of your life to honor them. And they’ll have their days. Days like today, where you’ll think fondly of them…”

Kaito closed his eyes for a moment. Steadying himself… before nodding slightly, “That’s enough. Don’t push yourself harder than that.”

“Though, I’d love to hear about them as you do remember them. I’m so curious about all the people you loved before.” Kaito admitted, giving Kokichi a warm look as he rolled up some more balls.

“Got it!” Getting a shallow bowl--after some searching in the cupboards--Kokichi spooned out some sugar and cinnamon from where Kaito had left the containers on the counter, going heavy on the sugar…

…that looked right.

…if it was Kaito in their place… Kokichi right now would want to rush it, not wanting to ever forget his husband. But…whoever was next would probably be feeling how he was now, about all the others. Accepting but…choosing to live their own life, rather than in the shadow of dozens before. 

Maybe that was why that part of him wanted him to make the cookies. So the person they loved would still be honored. Willing to be forgotten themself, to give themself the freedom to live…but refusing to forsake their loved one. 

Was it still being a relationship martyr then? He had a feeling Dr. Mariah would eat that question up. 

Starting to take the balls and roll them in the sugar, Kokichi returned the warm look. “I’ll be sure to tell you, then. Right now it’s all really…” He gestured vaguely, smooshing a ball on the sheet. “...vague. And blurry. Things feel right, but I’m lacking any sort of context. And I think most of it is buried still, since there’s just…too much to even just be feeling impressions of.” 

Kaito nodded, putting the balls aside and resting them on the sheet before he dedicated time to wrapping them in the cinnamon-sugar mix, “That’s what I mean. It’s a lot to remember. You have a lot of loved ones. If they all knew what I do, and loved you anyway? They’d guess it was a slow process. One not limited to today, or this year, hell, Kokichi, this life. Maybe~” Kaito said, finishing rolling the last of the balls, before moving on to rolling them in the mix Kokichi made– wow, lots of sugar. Alright. “This is even your first time thinking about this person in a few lives. But, ya know what? That still makes today their day! And that’s still incredible, that they get their day.”

Kaito was talking out of his ass. For all he knew, Kokichi could end up barely remembering dozens of people today, even more than that, without actually remembering anything enough to really say who they were or what they meant to him. He could be entirely wrong that it was because this was Remembrance that Kokichi’s mind was insisting he remember someone, as Kokichi had suggested and Kaito was now almost 60% convinced was even the point of these holidays, since an Ouma would likely have had to pitch and approve them. Certainly made a good schedule, for a near immortal with perpetual amnesia, essentially. Maybe it wasn’t spaced out, or anything as neat and orderly as loved ones memories patiently waiting their turn.

He’d wait to be proven wrong. He liked what he was imagining. He thought it was sweet, and basking in that sweet daydream made coping with the grim glimpse of his and his husbands future less… well, grim. Kaito could wait his turn. He wasn’t the jealous type.

“Wanna try rolling a few, babe?” Kaito asked. “Just don’t lick your fingers, okay? Chako would materialize and murder us both on the spot, just for doing it in her kitchen.”

“They all get their day…” Kokichi smiled softly. “I like the thought of that. I’d love to just…hold onto everyone, all at once, but…I literally tried that once, with living people, and it’s the most stressful thing in the world, aside from just being called a control freak. So…everyone getting their day, eventually. It might be slow, but…no one’s truly forgotten.” 

That was the purpose of Remembrance too. People lived forever if their memory lived on. 

“I might get a little huffy, making myself remember you, though,” Kokichi laughed softly, before he eyed the mixture with a sly look. Chako’s wrath…? Or cinnamon sugar…

Chuckling a little more, he started rolling some dough, passing the balls to Kaito as they switched places.

(...he could so easily imagine licking sweet fingers, giggling softly as they exchanged promises not to tell…)

“Oh, well, why wouldn’t you? I am potentially made to be the love of your life~” Kaito bragged– as Maki had said, he had whole heartedly sold himself to that idea, and while it might give him pause to have it confirmed, as an idea? He liked it. Shuichi was right, it restructured his perspective on his life to be not literal endless failure– as he rolled the dough on the sugar mix before placing it back on the sheet. “But. That said, when you get on to your next life someday, I’m gonna be annoyed if you waste it delving on the past too much. You’ll have other cool ass people to fall in love with! I don’t want to be a cock-block in your life, got it? Go have fun~“

“In your next life, not this one, Shuichi would murder us both.” Kaito said wisely, shaking his head, “I’d have let ya, babe, but your time being a fun, sexy man on the prowl is pretty much done now. It’d break Shuichi’s heart. Oh! I do hope in the future you’ll remember us both at the same time. It’d be a shame to only get half the picture, ya know?”

“Also, we’re still on for all the other stuff we’re doing today?” Kaito asked, finding an easy rhythm as they worked, the cookies about to be ready to go in a matter of minutes, “Snickerdoodle stuff not putting everything on hold, is it?”

Kokichi giggled softly, bumping his hips against Kaito. Like Kaito, he wasn’t super sure about the idea as a reality…but the idea of Kaito given every advantage in the book to be the kind of person that not only brought people together, but brought specifically Maki, Shuuichi, and Kokichi together with him? It was like another level to the idea of soulmates. It was cute and romantic, while giving that grand sense of importance Kokichi had joked about when saying Kaito had been hand-crafted by the gods. 

A sense that Kokichi felt suited his husband quite well. 

Shaking his head a little, Kokichi snickered, “Being a fun, sexy man on the prowl was the time I spent trailing after Shuu-chan like a love-sick fool…which was a lot of time after he had already agreed to date us. I use all my fancy fun tricks on you two, there’s no space for anyone else. So, good!”

…he hoped he remembered them both at the same time too. 

Humming with a nod as he went over to the sink to wash his hands, Kokichi chirped, “Yupp! We were gonna head out to the Memorial Garden mid-morning, after breakfast and we kinda settle around home for a bit. There’s no rush today. We’ll end up at the Roadhouse and drop by Lake and Nazumi’s at our own pace. Nazumi-chan said they’d prolly be baking something too, and that she’d set aside some for us, and something to bring home to Shuu-chan.”

“So they’re okay with me being there? You gave them a heads up?” Kaito asked, barely thinking about the question as he asked it. Looking over the sheet with its even range of cookies, before grinning, “Alright! These are ready to go! I think it said ten minutes? Wow, these cookies are quick.”

Picking them up, he said cheerily, “Open the oven door for me please, beautiful.”

“Yeah, I caught up with Nazumi after we talked at dinner. She seemed excited for us to be swinging by. They like you so…” Kokichi shrugged a little. “It’s nice spending holidays with people you like.”

Trotting over to the oven, Kokichi carefully opened the door, squinting a little in the rush of heat that came out. Ugh, that was one part of the oven he didn’t like so much. But, such a sacrifice he was willing to make, all in the name of snickerdoodles. 

“...they’re really good fresh out of the oven, with whipped cream…but I don’t think that would travel well.”

“Whipped creams easy,” Kaito murmured, looking to the coolers and heading over to it, looking for heavy cream containers as he said, “We can make some just for ourselves, we made the things, after all. Little bit of snickerdoodles for breakfast, totally fine way to start a day! …we are eating real food at some point though.” he said pointedly, giving Kokichi a Look as he brought the heavy cream over, “Come on, watch, it’s just a lot of stirring. And vanilla extract and sugar, but that’s literally everything.”

“And I know they like me, babe.” Kaito said, pouring the cream and starting to stir it, the mixing coming a little later, “I just meant more… well, there are other people who will be there. I want to go, for all the reasons I said, but I just gotta be conscious of who I am here, ya know? This is the first Remembrance since the veterans came back, right? Do I have that right? I just don’t want to… cause trouble, I guess.”

With a low giggle, Kokichi just gave Kaito an unabashed grin. Cookies for breakfast? Maybe he should have a baking emergency more often…

…though, yeah, they did need real food later. It wasn’t going to be a particularly hectic day, but Kokichi still didn’t want to be tired and hungry later when there would be no street vendors open. 

Sticking his tongue out a little, Kokichi leaned against the counter as he watched Kaito start to get things ready to make whipped cream. “I’d like to say they wouldn’t invite anyone who’d make a stink about you…but I can say that if anyone started even looking at you funny? My sister would be the first to kick them out of their house.”

“...I know that part’s strained with you, but…they know how hard it can be to grieve, when people are judging you for other stuff. Especially today…they have no tolerance for that shit.” Kokichi shot Kaito a slightly guilty look, though it was soft as well.

Kaito chuckled, nudging Kokichi a little as he stirred, the cream sloooowly thickening as air filled it, “No one needs to throw anyone out of the house, or anywhere. I’ve got this, I wouldn’t go out if I didn’t think I could handle any pushback. I feel okay these days Kokichi. I sleep well and I’m just on, like, fucking everything,” Kaito sighed, rolling his eyes a little, “And sometimes I feel a little nauseous and sometimes it makes it hard to wake up in the morning, but in comparison to how I was feeling before? It helps, I can tell it all helps.”

“And I’ve had a year to smooth out that damn stone that’s in that jacket over there as we speak,” Kaito said, nodding towards the jacket hanging up, “And that’s been surprisingly helpful. I’ve had a year to understand how things work here better. People. Just… distance from everything Luminary and my feelings there and for my family… if someone is tense around me on a day like this, that’s not their fault. The war was traumatic, it left scars. I can keep my damn ego in check and not take it as a personal, like, attack against my pride that I’m an ugly symbol for the hardest part of some peoples lives here. I’ll just…”

Kaito chuckled dryly, “Do what Diceans do and walk away and let them stew in it themselves. Find somewhere where I’m not in their face. This all being hypothetical, mind you, maybe no one will even recognize me or care if they do. I’m just saying. In the just in case.”

Kokichi sighed softly, but gave Kaito a kind, proud look. “I’m glad you’re helped. I’m so proud of you, and how you’ve been taking care of yourself.”

“You’re right, that part of it would be for you. To ease your discomfort, and not make their home feel like an unsafe place…but…well, I’ve talked to my sister before, and I know she feels the same as I do, so… It’s partly for them, too.” 

Frowning softly, Kokichi rubbed Kaito’s back, not wanting to lean against him and get an elbow to the chest, being in the way of whipped cream making. “If someone they invited to such an emotionally vulnerable time turned out to be the kind of asshole to yell at you out of nationalistic anger? Then…that’s not a person you can count on to be safe around at all. Depending on the case, maybe that’s not cause to cut off all communication, but…that’s a sign they’re not the kind of person you can be heartfelt and vulnerable around. So they’d get kicked out.”

“So, hypothetically, your space not in their face would be the party. And they can go sulk about being an asshole somewhere else.”

Kaito gave Kokichi a warm, reassured look at that. “My good husband.” Kaito said cheerfully, going back to stirring, “Worth allllllll the weird spirit baking emergencies and fiances who do the plug nose trick to waking someone up. Jerk. We haven’t done that to each other since high school,” Kaito chuckled, fond memories playing back to him as he shook his head, “Once I was done being pissed about it, it was kinda nice though. It’s been ages since Shuichi and I roughhoused. If you don’t count sex, I guess. He must be in a good mood over something.”

“It was kinda startling,” Kokichi huffed a laugh, happy that Kaito was in good spirits about it, at least. “He has been kinda pleased lately, though. I assume that he’s been having good discussions with Himiko and Lluwyn, with whatever they’re up to upstairs. It does feel like a sort of proud, accomplished, excited feeling from him. It’s been nice.”

“Oh, I bet. That used to be a joke among our friend group. Kids doing all sorts of stupid shit to each other, ya know?” Kaito explained, before pointing at the vanilla extract bottle, “Pass me that, would you? Time to mix.”

Pouring in the sweeteners, Kaito said as he whipped the cream, it thickening still and changing color slightly with the additives, “He’s lucky I was too asleep to do anything when I first woke up and then recognized him. If he had tried that a month ago I’d have hit him square in the face before I even saw it was him. But, to be fair to Shuichi, he probably knows that. Proud and accomplished, huh? They have been talking about that species book, and Shuichi’s flattered by his opinion being sought out. This guy apparently traveled for days to hear Shuichi’s opinions on that book. He’s probably Shuichi’s favorite person right now.” Kaito chuckled.

“Alright! That should do it!” Kaito said, taking the whisk, covered in whipped cream, and passing it to Kokichi, “Taste it to check it’s sweet enough?”

“I’m not sure if that’s better or worse than trying to People’s Elbow each other,” Kokichi mused, thinking on his own childhood antics. While Lake had the danger of weight, she had never really tried to aim for him, while on the other hand, Kokichi could land on her no problem, but Lake was still claiming organ damage from his sharp little joints. True kid shit. 

Passing Kaito the extract, Kokichi laughed softly, thinking about their partner. “He does have an ego that’s happy to be fed. Mm…I wonder if Lluwyn and Elthea are going to spend the day with Nadya, today. Maybe we’ll get to see them around breakfast.”

Giving the whisk a happy look, Kokichi swiped a finger through the fluffy cream, tasting it with a happy him. “Mmmm! I mean…could be sweeter, but it’s really good! You know your shit, Kai-chan.”

Kaito raised an eyebrow, before tasting at the whisk himself, “...babe, you’re out of your mind. Any sweeter than that and it’s going to be a shock to the system.” He huffed, taking Kokichi’s note and politely ignoring it as he went to go check on the cookies, “Alright… about four minutes left. Alright, help me start cleaning up, cookies should be ready to cool by the time we’re done.”

Instructing Kokichi to wash out the mixers in the sink as he went to go put the ingredients away, and as he came out of the pantry, blinked at the water on the floor, “...?” before looking up at Kokichi, his eyes widening more as he saw that in the minute he had walked away to put the leftover ingredients away, Kokichi was now soaked, “......did you… turn the faucet as high as it will go and aim it at the bowls, ‘Kichi?”

Looking like a drowned cat, Kokichi pouted up at Kaito as he dripped. “...I needed to rinse them. And…high pressure water does half the work of scrubbing.”

“It also substitutes as a shower, I guess.” Kaito laughed, giving his husband a fond, amused look. Maybe it was a little mean to tease, but Kokichi was always so good at things… it was kinda cute, seeing him clueless at something. Like how he had been dancing and, well, at sex. 

And like both of those things, it was only a fleeting amusement, as Kaito shook his head. Determined to show Kokichi how to wash a dish as he went to go check on the oven again, “High pressure helps, but honestly? Just making the water really hot does more than anything else. Also honestly, you don’t need either of those things to wash batter off a bowl, beautiful. Here.” He said, grabbing a clean hand towel on his way back, fondly patting Kokichi’s face before running it over his hair, “At least the apron protected your clothes. Want me to grab you a dry one?”

“...gonna take a real shower later. I don’t care if it was just pure water, just the thought of going around today covered in dish water is gross,” Kokichi shook his head, shaking off his hands in the sink. Sure, he’d never washed a dish before, but…he’d turned on an oven for the first time today too! He was learning all sorts of things, and it wasn’t that hard…physics were just mean. 

Sighing, Kokichi held onto the edges of the towel Kaito pressed to his head, trying to dry off more. “Yes, please. So…medium pressure, warm water?”

“For batter? Yeah, that’s really all you need. We’re gonna clean the cookie sheet too though, which might take a little scrubbing to get right. I’ll show you.”

He said that, not realizing as he took out the cookies, their warm scent filling the air as Kaito moved them one by one to a plate to cool, that Kokichi’s attention was going to be near impossible to keep when cookies and whip cream was tantalizing him. Kaito caught Kokichi’s gaze drifting twice as he showed him where to find sponges and dish soap and the metal brushes that could scrape the dishware if you weren’t careful but were otherwise so damn useful, and after the second time he said, “Go, check to see if they’ve cooled enough to eat. I’ll finish up.”

Kokichi gave his husband a grin that was somehow both sheepish and entirely unapologetic before he dried off his hands, bouncing over to the cookies. Before even checking them, he took a deep breath, the sweet scent making something joyous alight in his soul. The kind of excited happiness only possible through the scent of baked goods. 

Carefully poking at one of the cookies, Kokichi gingerly picked one up and dolloped some whipped cream on top, taking a greedy bite. And while he melted and swayed a little bit, standard Kokichi-fare for eating sweets…

…his eyes also started filling with tears.

Kaito had just about finished drying the cookie sheet, placing it next to the washed and dried mixers, and had been about to suggest they put the rest of the whipped cream in a jar to take with them– so he could clean the bowl and be finished, dammit– when he heard happy ‘Kichi sounds turn into sad ‘Kichi sniffles. As he washed his hands and dried them, he couldn’t help but think idly to himself, ‘Hope they didn’t just come out, like, really bad or something.’

But heading over to Kokichi, Kaito sighed at the watery, distant look in his eyes. Taking off his apron and putting it aside before pulling Kokichi against him as he munched tearfully at his cookie, “...I bet they were happy.” Kaito said softly, rubbing Kokichi’s back, “Anyone with you would be.”

He was crying, but there was something so loving behind the water in his eyes. Kokichi just pressed into Kaito as he ate because…it really was delicious.

“...my sister,” Kokichi croaked out, sniffling, even as he licked his lips of sugar. “My little sister…Mariam. She loved these… I’d always make them around Unity, a-and they would be supposed to be shared during the party, but I always made extra, so we could sneak some…”

“...she was so bad at lying, though,” Kokichi chuckled, his voice wet. “Or…like, she didn’t care about it. Just relied on her cute face to get past when our dads would get mad. Worked every time, too…”

“Sounds like a little trouble maker.” Kaito chuckled, rubbing his husbands back, “How much older were you, can you recall? Awwww, my good ‘Kichi, being the responsible older sibling…”

Wiping off his hands, Kokichi leaned into Kaito more, smiling through his tears. “...something like eight years, I think. I remember being a good bit older than her. She… I think she carried around a plush animal a lot, when we were younger. I can see the worn thing so clearly, when I think about us, sneaking cookies together…”

“...thank you for helping me make these, Kai-chan.”

“Mariam,” Kaito murmured, “Kokichi’s little sister, who had a sweet face and was too good at being charming to worry about lying. Who was blessed with a treasured toy and a sibling who loved her over lifetimes… Atua be pleased.” Kaito sighed, holding Kokichi close. “Mariam is missed.”

Kokichi sniffled. “She is… Atua be pleased. I bet she’s kicking ass at the trials… She was a person, yanno, but…she was always so genuine to herself. Whatever she’s confronting…I know she’s doing well.”

Tucking his head into Kaito’s chest, Kokichi just let himself cry for a bit, savoring the taste of cinnamon-sugar on his teeth.

-

As Kaito had largely expected, Shuichi was fine watching Miyako for the day, so long as he got some sleep that night, he’d ask Ikou or Maki if he needed any help. Maki thanked them for the invitation, but didn’t have any real desire to participate, and Timothy had apparently already made plans to do some outdoor canvas painting that Kimiko was very excited about, though Cali had to do Remembrance day stuff. Promising the respective adults that, fiiiiine, he’d be sure to show them whatever he painted rather than just throwing it away when they were done, that had basically been everything sorted. Easy planning, easy compromises. 

“We’re getting better at time management,” Kaito half-observed, half-bragged to Kokichi, the two heading out of the castle. “Or maybe we’re just getting used to Miyako-management.”

“Why not both?” Kokichi hummed, nestling his hand in Kaito’s as they left. They’d given Shuuichi, Maki, and Tim some of the cookies (and left Shuuichi with a few extra) but Kokichi was carrying the rest wrapped up in a small side-bag he was carrying. He’d already given his offering of sorts to his mom, but…well, there were other things that were nice to do on Remembrance too. 

Even at mid-morning, it still almost felt like the city was asleep, though there were people going around now. Heading to venues or memorial grounds or friends’ houses… There just wasn’t the usual kind of energy that the marketplace was normally filled with, considering…well, nothing in the market was open. 

“I think we’ve grown into very responsible parents, in many ways, but particularly when it comes to looking after our daughter and still finding time to ourselves,” Kokichi nodded. “Just look at us! Healthy time devotees.”

Waving to a few people across the street, Kokichi hummed after a moment. “...have you ever seen the Memorial Garden during the day? I don’t think we’ve been here together since, yanno…”

“No, I don’t think so.” Kaito said, squeezing Kokichi’s hand a little as he looked around. The city felt empty, which was almost enchanting in its own way. Without the hustle and bustle of people– and, honestly, with him and Kokichi not really heading anywhere urgently– Kaito felt like he could actually take some time to look at the storefronts. Admiring the window display of a watch specialty store, before seeing a small sign in front of a lowering staircase, likely the buildings basement, that advertised ‘Karaoke’. Oooooh…

Looking back to his husband, he said, “You go there to honor your mother, right? I’m sorry I’ve never gone with you, I know you’ve been since I’ve known you. I can’t remember why I didn’t join you, but it probably wasn’t a good enough reason.”

Kokichi shrugged a little. “I usually go on my own, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I just said I was going out. More trying to manage you.” He sighed, shaking his head with a little exasperated roll of his eyes. It still wasn’t a habit he’d managed to break, so it wasn’t really something he could be entirely flippant about, but…at least right now, it was something he was just annoyed about with himself.

“I did my more “major” visit before Miya was born,” he nodded, “Cause I was still freaking myself out that we’d never be able to leave her for a moment, and I wouldn’t be able to visit closer to my birthday…which is when I’d usually go, rather than actually during Remembrance. There are a lot of other people at the garden too, so…couldn’t be caught, and all that.”

“Found some decomposable fertilizer packs that were in the shape of stars, so I put them under the maple tree. It’s as much just a part of the garden as anything else but…” Kokichi shrugged a little, giving Kaito a sheepish look. “There isn’t a proper shrine for her. So the tree and her portrait in the observatory just feel like the best spaces to honor her, when I want a little more direction and…presentation, I guess.”

They walked a little more, Kokichi hopping up to tap the bottom of a swinging sign. “...you all have the catacombs in Luminary, right? Are there any specific ceremonies or…events where you go to ‘em? Though…you all are pretty low-key about that stuff.”

Kaito chuckled at Kokichi talking about waiting to have ‘no time’ with Miyako. In truth, that was still partially accurate. In comparison to their lives before Miyako, they did have some serious limitations in their day to day. But almost four months into raising her now, the end of summer not that far ahead now, the idea of having ‘no’ time felt laughable. She had just been one more thing to get used too.

…he had to talk to Shuichi and Kokichi about the next big thing they’d have to get used too, he knew. Miyako was, all the baby books assured him, past the dangerous ‘a gust of wind could kill her’ baby stage, which may not have ever even been necessary for the little long-lasting super flora baby, and, well… they had to start using their nursery at some point…

He’d bring it up when the idea of her sleeping alone without constant supervision didn’t fill him with deep, paternal dread.

Also what if she missed them Q_Q.

Shaking his head, Kaito paid attention as Kokichi explained the fertilizer idea– aw, that was neat– before giving a small, surprised chuckle at Kokichi’s observation, “Are we?” Kaito asked, amused. 

Though, thinking of the funeral they had just been too… “I guess we are, in a sense.” Kaito admitted, “I doubt even my parents funeral was the event your friends was, based on the memory you showed me. Probably people were hanging the Momota sigil out of their homes and shops out of respect, and there would have been lots of people at the temple for the viewing, but it’s a very quiet and somber experience. The less noise you make, the more respect you’re showing for the passing.”

“But even then, that’s only initially.” Kaito explained, thinking of Miss Mery’s funeral, “There’s an initial period of silence expected both in respect for the dead, and the respect of the loved ones they left behind. The first two days is total silence, as the body is being looked after and embalmed. Not for everyone involved, it’s not like a loved one walks into a crowded room and everyone’s expected to immediately stop talking. But the room the body is kept in is silent, and it’s expected to give loved ones two days in silence to grieve. And by that, I mean no one outside of them bothers them, and it’s up to them how much they want to talk to each other. Then, after that, funeral arrangements start to be made, and for a period of time after that it’s a sort of… I guess the best word I can think of is ‘soft’ silence. Your tone is low and respectful and it’s largely left up to the loved ones how much or how little they feel like talking. After the funeral? The silence is lifted, but it’s still considered respectful for a while afterwards to leave it to those affected to how much they want to talk about it. And unless you’re trying to harm someone, there needs to be more and more time before you speak for the dead. No revealing their secrets, no insisting they would have wanted this or that. Especially to the loved ones.”

“But, all of that lets up after enough time. Once the grieving period has passed, you can be more open about saying whatever you want about the dead. Some things are always rude, but, well, sometimes everyone just agrees it’s okay to be rude about it, if that makes any sense.” Kaito shrugged… before laughing, “I’m sorry, that’s not really what you asked. I went on a tangent. You can visit the dead at their place of rest whenever you want, and during memoriams and certain Saints days it’s more expected to think of those who've passed as a sort of reminder. But as for official ways to do it past the funeral? Asking Atua to look after them and pass on messages and wishing them well on their trials in temples and shrines is basically the way to do it. Small blood offerings or burning of incense, if you have it. Nothing like what your funerals are like, or as hugely observed as Remembrance is.” 

Kokichi nodded, watching Kaito as he spoke, though he kept their path in his peripheries to make sure he wouldn’t trip, or they wouldn’t miss any turns. “I see… I feel like that could be a relief, to the loved ones. No pressure to host or perform… Just getting the space to grieve, however feels right.”

…it did feel like it’d get a bit lonely, though, even if it was only for two days. Something that just…cemented how much that person was gone. But that was a difference in culture for ya. 

Pressing to Kaito’s side, Kokichi gave him a warm smile. “I like your tangents. And it puts more context to what I asked.”

Looking around for a moment, Kokichi squeezed Kaito’s hands. “...I did bring a few sticks of incense. That’s something we do sometimes too. I can’t handle it in a room, but outside it’s fine, so… Would you wanna light some for your loved ones?”

Kaito lit up at that, “Yeah? Sure! I mean, again, I do this all the time, especially this year. But, also again, it’s nice to have an official reason to do it. Feels very ‘involved’.”

The memorial garden really wasn’t that far, though, Kaito admittedly wouldn’t have been able to find it again on his own. As Kokichi led him down vaguely familiar stone paths, he idly reminisced, “Ya know, I really have no idea how I found you that day. Maki and Shuichi had told me you were upset about something, so I looked all over for you, it’s not like I wasn’t actively searching. But even with that in mind, it really was just pure luck that I found you here at all… it’s pretty.” Kaito admitted, looking around.

It was layered down in even little rows, the path to the memorial wall, with all the layers decorated in pretty pathways and healthy, floral garden life, all in a circle that was honestly surprisingly large, for the middle of the city. Kaito bet anything this was a great place to jog or take walks, if you were the type, long, circular pathways that all lead down to a clearing where the memorial was put up, marked by trees and benches. Honestly, Kaito remembered the place feeling smaller. Small to the point of claustrophobic, the layered pathway feeling like walls, the tree and the bench and the part of the memorial the entirety of the area.

It wasn’t, though. It was, like… a whole ‘thing’.

And while the city has felt empty, the garden was busy, people milling about in groups of two’s and three’s, walking the pathways, reading the walls, a few groups clearly having some sort of a picnic in the area. For an area of grieving, it was jovial. It felt like a day at the park. 

Kokichi nodded with a small laugh. “Right? Like…there’s nothing stopping anyone from honoring their loved ones at any time, but having a day for it, and people to share it with… I’ve always thought the community aspect was really nice, for how often I’ve spent today alone.”

The garden looked lovely, as always, though Kokichi could already see little signs of people having been there before them. Particular arrangements of pebbles in the plants, or what looked like fresh sod, or even other kinds of fertilizer packets that Kokichi could recognize from the shop he’d bought the star ones from. Nothing that the garden committee would have to clean up later, since anything that wouldn’t break down or would be part of a garden anyway people had to take with them according to their littering laws, but little signs still. 

Still taking their easy stroll to the wall, Kokichi sighed softly. “I’m glad you did find me, however it happened. I don’t think I’d ever even mentioned the Memorial Garden to you before, and while it’s close, it’s not right next to the castle. …it wasn’t fair to you, but…I think you did save my life.”

Another sigh, though it was tempered by a smile. “I wanna see the wall, and stop by the maple tree, but…we can walk through to see more of the garden, or chill out anywhere you want.”

Kaito nodded at that, no particularly strong desires either way. He was just enjoying walking with Kokichi.

“...so~” Kaito said, after a little while of walking, the two having settled into following one of the circling paths without really agreeing aloud on it one way or another. “I may be way off base. But… does the name ‘Koharu’ spark anything, today?”

Kokichi took a small breath, a little more centered about it than he had been earlier that morning. “Yeah. It was kind of hard to tell earlier, but… Mariam was her sister. Koharu and Mariam Hanamiya…though, of course, once she took the oath, we knew her as Koharu Ouma.”

As confusing as it all was to think through, at least being in public gave Kokichi a clear impetus to refer to his past lives as other people. They could just speak quietly, but it was a little easier on his mind to just choose to separate himself a little. 

Kokichi glanced over to the memorial wall. “...more than a few Oumas had their ashes scattered here… It’s one of the major memorial sites in Usott so, yanno, makes sense. Since most of the leaders lived here, primarily.”

“Ha! Knew it! Man, who would have thought reading that old history book would become so relevant so soon!” Kaito cheered, looking genuinely delighted. Though…  at the reminder of the scattered ashes, Kaito suddenly found himself looking warily at his feet, “Babe, when you say they ‘scatter’ ashes here, like… like, am I walking through people right now? Am I walking through older Oumas? Oh god what if I accidently track you back to the castle… having to clean people off my boots feels disrespectful.” Kaito admitted, blanching a little.

Kokichi giggled softly, honestly looking a little moony about Kaito knowing some relatively obscure Dicean history (and having it applied in the most absurd way possible). His clever guy…

Though, he squeezed Kaito’s hand and shook his head a little. “Usually the ashes are scattered around a particular plant, and so incorporated into the soil. And…all that stuff decomposes, so there isn’t going to be remains from people from long ago. It’s ‘returning to nature’, that kind of thing. And services do their best to keep ashes off the pathways.”

“I’ll admit it’s a bit morbid, if you’re not used to it,” Kokichi shrugged, giving his husband a half-apologetic look. “But…everything in nature is a cycle. This is just part of it. And…that’s the kind of thinking we use for this.”

“I mean, is there a non-morbid way of dealing with the dead?” Kaito asked goodnaturedly… though still slightly glancing down at the path. Trying to see if he could avoid dirt that looked suspect, “But, yeah, I remember reading about Koharu Ouma. She attributed her air purifying push to wanting the area to be better for people like her sister. Which, wow, worked out well for her in the long run, since your lungs are probably exactly the kind of person she had in mind.”

“So that’s pretty neat… Kojaru and Mariam. Who else… I guess we could say a little thing about Nellis Ouma too. Atua be pleased, that Nellis Ouma is remembered, to the extent where I’m going to yell at that guy, at some point.” Kaito said cheerfully, smirking, “Can’t get more remembered than that. Um… Akane’s remembered. Saying ‘Kaito’ is remembered feels weird, he’s not dead to anyone. Caleb is vaguely remembered… I’d like to call that our ‘shout-out’ dead people.” Kaito chuckled, sounding a little bit like an announcer, “Our honorable mentions. Now, for the main event! People we actually know things about! Wanna trade some stories?”

“I suppose it kind of comes with the territory,” Kokichi grinned. “And…yeah. That’s lucky. Industrialization was just taking off, when Koharu was leader… No one had data on what factory pollutant could do long-term, for health or for the environment, and it was incredible, seeing what machines could do on a large scale. It was an enormous technological leap for everyone… But asthma tends to make air issues a little more apparent.”

“She wasn’t telling people to shut all the factories down, but…that we needed to be more aware of what the cost of them were. And not leave our neighbors and loved ones in the lurch in the name of convenience for those of us who were lucky.” Kokichi smiled softly, glancing up at the clear, blue sky. “I’d probably be a lot worse off, if not for her mandates. Her influence is everywhere, if you know where to look.”

Smiling as they acknowledged the…more complicated dead, Kokichi giggled softly before he nodded, running his thumb down the side of Kaito’s hand. “...my uncle was a big fashionista, like you. Not really high fashion, like Denji, but…he knew what he liked, and almost everything in his wardrobe was custom made. He had this really cool shirt I loved, that looked like those old sea-faring maps that have sea monsters in the open water. He said it was accurate, waters just off Novoselic’s coast.”

“Sounds like a man after my own heart,” Kaito chuckled, “Ya know, despite being one of the closest bodies of water to us, the eastern waters was one of the last parts of the map that calligraphers insisted on leaving the sea-serpent symbols? See, those old symbols used to just be map-making short hand for waters that hadn’t been safely explored and documented yet. Meaning they didn’t really know what was there, islands or land masses or what have you. ‘Dangerous mystery’.”

“But, as the world slowly became more and more connected, more and more bodies of water were explored by individual countries, and those countries shared records of what they had found with each other. So, little by little, the worlds maps started dropping their symbols for unexplored waters. And for our continent, the waters to the eastern side of the globe, down towards Fein, was basically unexplored because the waters in the south-north border between our continents, towards the eastern globe, are famously difficult to travel, despite being as close as we are. Honestly, they’re still not all that well mapped out, though you won’t see that marked on maps anymore. It’s just considered a known, dangerous area. The current theory is that it’s a storm and riptide hotspot, that’s why ships disappear through it. But, based on current and tide patterns?” Kaito said, looking excited as he grinned, “Oceanographers are convinced there must be a large body of land over in that direction, that we haven’t managed to map yet. Isn’t that cool!? That there’s still entire land-masses that we haven’t found or explored or made contact with? So close to us?? They nicknamed the landmass The Unknowable Isles, which I think is awesome.”

At least, Kaito thought he told Kokichi it was The Unknowable Isles. What he actually said was it was called the الجزر المجهولة, or, Aliuzur Almainhulatu.

Thinking of Kokichi’s ‘custom made’ comment, he asked curiously, “Is there a reason he picked the waters around Novoselic, do you know? I mean, Novoselic does look kind of beautiful on maps, I could see him just doing it for the aesthetic. All those massive lake beds…”

Kokichi watched Kaito with a rapt, hungry attention, eager for world knowledge as always. He had known that the monsters were a shorthand, but…it made him wonder if any of them were sincere. There were all sorts of aquatic peoples listed in the guidebook, and Temp had confirmed that there was a creature called a kraken out there. And, well…for the classics, an area of water that was territory of a powerful being, or a culture of people would likely classify as a dangerous area. 

Softly trying to sound out the term Kaito had said with a furrowed brow (“Ali-oo-zer…Alimain…Hula-too?”) Kokichi glanced up in moderate surprise before he shrugged a little. “Ah, I thought I mentioned it before… I mean, the aesthetic was really nice, but one of Toshio-ji’s parents was Novoselican. He didn’t grow up there, but they visited a lot, through the eastern islands.”

“Oh, shoot, I didn’t remember that at all.” Kaito admitted, giving Kokichi an apologetic grin, “But, neat~ Actually, thinking about it, Noveselic and Dicea share a bit of a border, don’t they? I think…” Kaito looked at a mental map, “I think Novoselic is actually easier to visit from Usott than it is from NGP. Even the capital is easier, because a lot of that journey can be made by ship from Usott… I really do think we should make a point to visit someday. I think you’d love Novoselic, it really is beautiful. And apparently we both have family there, if your uncle's parents are still alive? You might not know them, but you could say hi?”

“Yeah, technically. The eastern peninsulas are just south of the western side of Dicea, and some of the islands in that area were in dispute, back in the day, about which country they were a part of. It’s been…a process, getting our trading ports with them back in order, since there was an embargo during the war.” 

Honestly, though, going to the north-eastern most peninsula in Novoselic wouldn’t be that much longer of a trip from Usott than it had been to that beach town they went to. It was only a few miles off the coast. 

“It’d be more grandparents,” Kokichi said softly, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Toshio-ji’s parents live in Dicea… I know he didn’t have the best relationship with them, but…I know Hideki-ji keeps in contact with them. When we plan our trip, I can talk to him about potentially getting in contact with that side of the family. I bet they’d probably have some fun stories about my uncle, when he was a kid.”

He wouldn’t seek her out, but…if somehow he managed to run into the girl that he saved? That would be incredible too. Just…seeing that she was well.

“Heck yeah~ I have grandparents there too. God parents. Cousins.” Brothers. Nephews. “Lots of family in Novoselic really. I’m not particularly close to my grandparents, but Princess Sonia is super nice, and my god parents are very welcoming, either of them would happily take us as guests.”

Everyone else would likely try to gauge how his relationship with Queen Kaede was going these days, before daring to allow him anywhere near them. If she asked for hospitality on his behalf, it’d be fine. Otherwise? The homes of the nobility and elite of Novoselic were probably off limits to Kaito, though the heir-apparent of Dicea made it more of a negotiation. 

“...Hideki is probably mourning Toshio today, and King Aiichi probably your mother.” Kaito mused, “Since we’re out anyway, maybe we should bring back flowers or something and deliver them to them. Or maybe at least drop them off in their offices for them to find tomorrow. They both suck at discussing their feelings so, just, ya know, something to let them know we thought about them.”

Kaito didn’t know if Waku might be mourning her family, or if she wouldn’t want the reminders. Nadya’s mother, as far as Kaito was aware, was still alive and well, and he had never heard of any other family members from her. Who else could he touch base with… no one in Luminary would understand why he was reaching out today, so he wouldn’t worry about the phone. Who else… “Ikou too,” he realized, scratching his chin, “Ten years, I’m certain he lost people during the war. Just something small to let them know we’re here. If not flowers, maybe I could make something when we get back, send it their way.”

“Alright, Toshio was super cool, and a lot like me, it sounds like. Honestly, even a cooler version of me, he was heroic and custom made his clothes and apparently managed to corral someone like Hideki, which had to have been a hell of an accomplishment. My turn, a story about one of mine…”

Kaito thought about it… and probably because he had remembered it last night, he said, “My dad used to chase me around the war room. When I was really little, I can remember him doing it, chasing me around the map table and up and down the stairs and over the couches. I’m not really sure I can remember spending time with him anywhere else, beyond the art studio room when we had undertaken that huge figurine model project that one summer. I wasn’t technically allowed to be in there, but I’d sneak in, and once I was in people rarely kicked me out. I think they liked that having a little kid around could break the tension sometimes.”

“So, dad would see me, and if he was in a good mood, he’d chase me and catch me. Walk around with me upside down in his arms until all the blood rushed to my head, hurling me over his shoulders as he talked to the generals war strategies… ya know, over time him being in that good a mood happened less and less often, and I thought maybe it was me doing something wrong? That my father was just starting to like me less and less? Maybe that was still true somewhat,” Kaito frowned, looking away, “I know… he wasn’t always a fan of how much I looked like him. Honestly, Kokichi, with the exception of the eyes, I’m his spitting image. Sometimes he’d touch my face and…”

Kaito’s voice trailed off, memories of little things that were difficult to convey. How he couldn’t explain the look his father gave him sometimes, inspecting him. Like he was appraising him and was just terribly displeased, before making little comments on Katio’s appearance over things Kaito couldn’t change as a child. Gangly limbs and coarse red hair and a ‘brutish’ face. 

Oh, yeah. Kaito guessed that was where he got the word ‘brute’ from. His father had used that word about him a lot. Huh. 

“...but maybe it honestly had nothing to do with me.” Kaito realized, sighing. “Those early years were before the war with Dicea started. We had other skirmishes with other countries that still required time in the war room, and my father just liked it there, I think. But as I got older, the war with Dicea began and then kept on going… and he just became more angry and more distant as it all went on. The Fifteen year war just weighing him down, maybe. But he could be really fun and playful, when I was little, sometimes.”

“I was, what… seven? Eight? When the war started?” Kaito mused, before looking to Kokichi, “That’d have made you…four or five?”

Kokichi nodded a bit, something more subdued in his gaze. The other members of his family were having their own celebrations today, he knew. “I think that would be nice, though I dunno where we’d get flowers on short notice. There’s usually a gathering at the castle that my father goes to, and my uncle’s graduating class from uni has one in town that he goes to, I know. I asked Ikuo what his plans were, and apparently there’s a group of veterans getting together today, so he’s going to that. We might see him and Aiichi in the evening…”

Kokichi would love to hear all about the people his dad had met over the course of the war, but…he knew the kind of grief his dad and other veterans had was different. It would probably be heartening, mourning with other people who really understood what war had been like, who knew what it meant to lose your comrades, before sharing that celebration with others. 

Taking a turn onto another circle path, Kokichi looked up with a soft look as Kaito talked about his dad. About early days, when things had been less complicated, as they often were in a child’s world. When Leon had been a dad, playing with his kid. Before the good mood had been more rare. 

“That sounds like it was fun,” Kokichi said softly, squeezing Kaito’s arm. Just…trying to appreciate the good things. “Little kids love being chased--if your dad did it to the point of going over couches? Sounds like a blast.”

He sighed, nodding. “Yeah, I was five when we officially declared war. I kinda only know that being told, though… I didn’t really understand what war was. I understood that people sometimes left the castle, for various reasons, so…the people who left during the first wave, I just thought they’d moved away. I heard the words ‘war’ and ‘fighting’ and…yeah, I guess I knew what that meant, but I didn’t really get it. Not until I was a little older.”

“Hmmm. Yeah. I mean, I was a little older than you, I can actually remember the announcement. We had this big banquet, everyone who was anyone was there. Heh… Kaede kept hinting that she knew something I didn’t.” Kaito remembered, his smile surprisingly fond, rolling his eyes, “I spent that whole day so mad cause I knew from her comments that she and Byakuya had been told something I hadn’t. Byakuya was in this great mood, but all huffy and too important that day to talk to me. Following at dad and Tengan’s heels all day, going to sit in on meetings I wasn’t allowed too. Who knows how Kaede found out, but she always knew about every bit of news before it was officially announced. They were both so excited.”

“And I’m just stomping around, getting more and more pouty, cause neither of them would answer my questions. And I think a lot of people knew a rumor of what was going to be announced at the banquet, but it wasn’t confirmed for anyone, so there was this air of, like, nerves and excitement and gossip. And halfway through the banquet, my father stood up and announced to everyone that we were going to war with Dicea… and, then, after that I guess you could say we started celebrating?”

Kaito shrugged, “Looking back at it, that was very much by design. The castle administration worked very hard to present the war as a good thing to everyone, something worth celebrating. A grand endeavor, Luminary expanding its territory and taking in the Diceans, taking over their resources and putting it to better use. We were getting a chance to fix a bunch of shortage issues, along with a whole host of others things they promised the war would solve, ‘save’ the Diceans, however you wanted to define that, but the thing I most remember from that age was people getting excited at the chance to prove Luminarys metal. We had been increasing and training our armies for years, practicing fighting for the trials as civilians, mining beautiful, innovative new weapons. We were hardened desert people with all this wealth and determination, ready to prove all our hard work and character against a real, serious opponent for real, serious rewards. We were going to war! I remember as soon as I could get out of that banquet I was so eager to go find a wooden sword and practice with it. Byakuya excited as he practiced being a leader with my father and Kaede practicing being a little diplomate and strategist, putting herself in the middle of all these conversations with adults as they talked about what the war was going to look like.”

“...” Kaito chuckled, “I remember saying to her, once, that I hoped I’d be old enough to go fight before we won. She rolled her eyes at me and told me the war was going to be over in three years. Who knows where she got that number. Guess that was just the estimate back then.”

Kokichi smiled faintly, able to huff a laugh at the absolute excitement and pride of the picture Kaito painted…but he couldn’t shake the sad tinge to it all. “I’m a little surprised that, if you’re right, people thought it’d take three years against a country without an active military.”

“I don’t really remember the announcement,” he repeated, “But…from how people were acting in the years after, and what people told me about it… It was more just protection, than really a declaration… Luminary had already been encroaching on our border before the war, and people had already been fighting against that. Administration’s plans for the trade restrictions and diversions were just our official, initial response to aggression--they weren’t condoning the fighting our people were already doing.”

“Without that official approval…our people were just left on their own,” Kokichi frowned, eyes tracing the pathway. “No backup, no supplies…no one to get them, if they were captured. We were leaving our people in the lurch…but declaring war would be making our hostility to Luminary known, and would embolden them for larger, more devastating strikes. I don’t remember it, but…it must’ve felt like an impossible decision.”

Kokichi smiled grimly at the ground. “...there were strikes for a good few years. There were for the whole war, but…a lot of big ones, at the beginning. People claiming that the government was sending their families to die, that the war was some personal feud that our kingdoms were just playing out with others’ lives as pieces… I think the big ones only started to die down once people started coming back from the war.”

Kaito sighed at that, rubbing Kokichi’s hand with his thumb a bit… before he said, “No standing army, delayed supplies, a lack of support from the people… and you all still held us off for fifteen years. Wow. Gotta give it to the Diceans…”

And that compliment given, he gave Kokichi a slightly dry look, “Your people scare me, a little. And I say that coming from a war-mongering nation of zealots. What do you mean they said you were sending families over some feud, your army was entirely voluntary. What, are they talking, like… or were they talking, like, peer pressure? What the heck?”

Kokichi gave his husband a crooked grin. For better or for worse…Diceans never gave up. And when it came to the war, it was for the better. With every disadvantage on paper, they still managed to defend themselves, even gaining the upper hand at times. Honestly…it sometimes felt like a miracle that they had survived. 

Maybe that was true. The Dicean people were miracles. 

But still just people.

Nodding, Kokichi let out a tired sigh. “Yeah. Peer pressure, weaponized nationalism… Some people just…couldn’t accept that their loved ones would choose to leave and die, so…they blamed the government. Sometimes pointing to fear-mongering propaganda, which was a fair criticism, sometimes blaming pressure…sometimes coming up with conspiracies, like a secret force that was blackmailing people into joining the fight… Sometimes with no real reason at all, but just needing someone to blame.”

“It was kind of the outlook that…if someone left for the war, they probably wouldn’t be coming back. And no one wanted to see their loved ones off to a horrific death. But blaming Luminary, in that line of thinking, meant fighting Luminary yourself to stop the war…which was just the same thing. So people blamed the government instead--a force they could actually fight without joining the war.”

“I think that’s why Diceans un… can unnerve me, sometimes.” Kaito admitted, scratching at his chin as he looked around. “Also probably why you all did so well in the war, honestly. Luminaries have blood feuds, right? You have to go defend or honor a loved one yourself, if they were harmed, you have an obligation to take a personal, physical interest in that… but who we consider our responsibility, personally, is so much smaller. Our blood feuds between individuals or families, in response to someone we have a personal investment in.”

“Diceans blood feuds are so much bigger than that.” Kaito mused, looking around, at all the people here pleasantly doing their own little remembrance celebrations, “You guys are slower to go to violent means, I think, but man, if you guys individually decide something needs to be done. That means you have to do it. Personally. Regardless if it’s really any of your business. At least from a Luminary perspective. Luminary has blood feuds, you all have, like, blood…” Kaito tried to think of the right word, “blood causes. If you all take up a cause, you put everything into it. It’s intimidating.”

“For Luminaries, something’s gotta be in it for them. There’s gotta be a reason they personally care. I mean…” Kaito rolled his eyes, “Culturally. You know what I mean, obviously not every individual Luminary would refuse to fight a cause for someone else's benefit. It’s just not as culturally expected for a person to do that, as it is here. Like, if believing the war with Luminary was necessary meant you, personally, had to go fight in it? Like… that’s a terrifying mindset. Diceans are something else, we really should have never fucked with you guys. And my dad had a chance to know that already and decided to fight you guys anyway…” Kaito shook his head, “...dumb. My father was a lot of things. But, man, was he dumb. May he get smarter through his trials. Atua be pleased.”

That was something Kokichi had realized on some level early on. It wasn’t necessarily “care” as he had said it at the time, but…when Kaito had talked about the responsibility he had to the people he cared about, and Kokichi had responded that…well, in that lens, that he cared about everyone?

Kokichi huffed a soft laugh. “I think you could call us a very, ‘money where our mouth is’ kind of culture. It’s why a lot of people get really offended if you call them a hypocrite too. Unless you take real actions towards something, you can’t claim to support it. It’s just talk that no one will take you seriously on. So…you have to back up your words to be taken seriously.”

“And to give even just a little credit to your dad…my father does talk a lot of fluff,” Kokichi rolled his eyes. “Not entirely, but he is insufferably wordy, sometimes. Hopefully your dad will gain wisdom through his trials, and mine will be more straightforward in his next life.”

“...he’s… also. Really old. Isn’t he?” Kaito said softly, looking over to Kokichi curiously, “...do you think he knows?”

Kokichi nodded subtly, before looking out at a grouping of violets. “...I don’t think so. They say…that he’s the one out of the three of us closest to the goddess. That might…manifest in a few ways, but…no. I don’t think he really knows. Not like me, or even in a conceptual way.”

Kaito rubbed the back of his neck at that. “...I guess it doesn’t hurt him, not to know. You could have gone your whole life without knowing, if it weren’t for awesome library stuff. But if he doesn’t get awesome library stuff? Yeah… I mean, I’ll differ to whatever you decide on that, as time goes on. But, yeah… huh.”

Glancing up at the clear blue sky, the two of them walking down a small set of stairs to get another layer down into the garden as they continued their walk, getting ever closer to the base, he said suddenly cheerfully, “Alright, some more. Todays the day for it! Who else are we trading stories about? I’ve told you plenty of stories about my mom now, I might try to think of one for Miss Mery next.”

If neither of the other souls knew? Then…that was by design. It was something that Kokichi had to shoulder every cycle. 

He supposed it was a good thing, though. If they all knew, then someone would’ve let it slip, over the years. Then Dicea would go from being a model of leadership from the people, to another lineage line of sorts, but with more succession issues. People would be coming out of the woodwork from everywhere, claiming that they had been reincarnated. 

…not to mention all the religious issues all that would bring. 

Ah, it was complicated. 

Humming with a small smile, happy to hear more about Priestess Meruko soon, Kokichi turned his gaze up, trying to think. “...there was this guard I used to know, Pearl. She was stationed around the castle a lot, and took a lot of pride in being a representative of it. Had these armor pieces, always shined until they were sparking… She was really steadfast, but kind…”

Kokichi grinned more, and rolled his eyes. “And she always told the worst puns. Like…saying no one could ‘rival’ her ‘a-rival’, sort of stuff. Sometimes things that weren’t even really puns. Lake really looked up to Pearl, but even my sister could only groan at the non-jokes she told.”

“Ha! Man, if it was someone who could even make Lake groan, poor Maki would have been tormented,” Kaito laughed, giving his husband an amused look. “Pearl’s a beautiful name too. And into metal armor, it sounds like? Classy, classic, I love it. I’m sure Pearl is doing great, Atua be pleased.”

Wherever she was. Kaito was starting to wrap his mind around the idea that, even if an afterlife was real, and Atua really was opening the trials open to anyone who needed an afterlife to go to, that still didn’t mean everyone went to a trial. Temp had told him that Bathul’s followers did jobs, and that lots of gods claimed souls for their own spaces in the afterlife. Atua’s was just the most easily accessible, even if you had never heard of him.

Now, a good story of Miss Mery… “Ya know, I found out years later, in my late teens, that Priestess Meruko, Miss Mery, wasn’t actually all that old?” Kaito mused, “If you had asked me when I was a kid how old she was, I would have said forties with an entirely straight face. She was, like, twenty-seven. She seemed so ancient and wise to me… but she was probably only twenty-three when she first started giving me attention in the temple. That’s pretty wild for me to think about, now… she was green. This light, calm green coloring, her eyes and her hair, and I remember counting freckles on her hands.”

“She had this accent, like Dr. Ford. I guess she grew up in Fein and must have come to Luminary at some point. Man, I wonder what could have possibly prompted that move. To go across the ocean, to the center of Luminary, and end up a priestess to a foriegn god in the royal temple, all by her early twenties… what a strange life she must have lived. I hope it was full. She died too young, but I hope whatever brought her across the ocean was an adventure, and she didn’t regret it. She loved adventures… or,” Kaito chuckled, “Maybe she knew I liked adventures. And just talked about life like that to make me happy.”

“She was strict.” Kaito recalled, “She’d scare me, sometimes, with how intense she was. Looking back at it, I get why. Temperamental kid backed by all the privileges in the world, being scolded by a low-ranking priestess? If she gave an inch I could take a mile. She would have had to make it seem impossible to argue with her, and I didn’t. She was so intimidating… I would have done anything for her approval. I loved her so much.”

“...she knew Atua was a whore god.” Kaito said, admitting it for the first time to anyone. “She told me so. I thought she just meant historically, when he was in hiding, but she never once worded it that way. Atua was the god of Whores and Concubines, and Momota’s had a responsibility to anyone used for their bodies. She said the Momota’s had lost their way, and when I grew up I would need to be better. She’d take my hands and squeeze them, and as she did she told about the responsibilities that Momota’s had. She told me that Atua loved me, but was counting on me. She said she saw great things in me, that I was covered in fingerprints… I loved the attention. Craved it. No one else said I was bound for great things…”

“...it’s weird. It took me explaining it to someone else to notice.” Kaito admitted, giving Kokichi a tired look, shrugging, “She knew something, didn’t she. Who knows what, but… she definitely knew something.”

For him and Lake both, Pearl had really cut the ‘real life hero’ image. Sure, the actual heroes of real life were sanitation workers and doctors and farmers…but the fairytale image of a hero? It had looked like a wall of a woman with gleaming white and silver armor, standing tall and proud with a calm, confident smile.

While she was in training, Lake had been mentored by all the guards, to a point, but it was Pearl she obviously wanted to follow the footsteps of. Kokichi thought his sister was doing a great job carrying on that legacy.

Kokichi looked over in surprise, hearing how young Priestess Meruko had been. Kaito always described her as such a figure in his childhood, but never really mentioned her age, or what she looked like… Relatively unimportant things, he supposed, but it did start to paint more of a picture in his mind. A woman not too much older than them now, strict and stern but kind, taking a real interest in a kid that too often didn’t get the attention he deserved. A whole ocean away from her birthplace. 

“You were covered in fingerprints,” Kokichi softly repeated, rubbing his thumb down Kaito’s hand again. “That’s such specific imagery, but there’s something so…amazing in it, the way you tell it. Like everyone’s reaching for you.”

But given everything they now knew…

“That does sound awfully specific,” he squeezed Kaito’s hand. “I admire her gumption, to throw her own hand in guiding fate, if she knew that much. She might’ve been humoring you, but…that does sound, to me, like someone who loved a good adventure. Like you told me before…I hope she’s enjoying her trials. She’s gonna have some kick-ass stories to tell in paradise, I know it.”

Kaito grinned, and his eyes only burned a little as he said, “Yeah she will… I hope she’ll be as excited to see me as I will be to see her. She had such an impact on me, but… well, who knows. I hope she did know what she meant to me. It’d break my heart, if it surprised her how much I missed her.”

Kaito chuckled at that, before wiping his eyes a little. Ugh, that had gotten to him… “I don’t like to think of how we die being the most important story told about us, after death,” he admitted, looking to Kokichi, “But I am curious, if you’re alright with that. How did you lose Pearl?”

It was entirely a hunch, but…with how much Meruko had put into Kaito, for the years they did have together, Kokichi couldn’t imagine that leaving her easily. Their reunion would be a heartfelt one, he knew it. 

Kissing Kaito’s arm, giving him a soft smile for his tears, Kokichi sighed softly. “It’s not the most important story, but…it still is one. We…” He sighed again. “I don’t know any specifics. Just…that she was listed in one of the casualty reports. I know the frontlines did what they could for their fallen comrades but…the report was usually the extent we got, back here.”

Kaito frowned at that, giving Kokichi a concerned look… before saying with some determination, “Well, what if… what if we sent out some letters, find out where she was buried? And next time we cross the border, we can stop by and pay respects? Would that… or, wait, no, I guess she wouldn’t have been buried.” Kaito realized, brow furrowing… before he sighed, “Ah well. I’m sorry, ‘Kichi. That must have been heartbreaking. I’m sure she died well.”

They trailed off the path and, now at the base of the park, started heading towards the wall. It really was a very pretty memorial, and so many names… As they approached, Kaito’s eyes looked over the lines and lines and lines of names, and his vision unfocused, unable to keep all the names from blurring together for a moment. He closed his eyes, before opening them again, the names coming into focus again. “...are they going to etch our names on this?” Kaito asked, looking at the small, elegant font, “Is that how it works?”

Kokichi gave Kaito a grim, sad smile and squeezed his hand. She might’ve been buried--they couldn’t exactly just build a crematorium out on the frontlines--her body might’ve been recovered and sent to her family, for other burial rights. Maybe no one had been able to get to it, on their side. But speculation wasn’t really helpful to dwell on. Whatever had happened, her family would’ve been notified, and they were the only people with the right to know. 

Instead…Kokichi could just remember the amazing woman from his childhood, and ensure that her inspiration lived on. 

As they approached the wall, they slowed, and while it could so easily just turn into text, Kokichi’s eyes zeroed in on a familiar spot. Miyako Hoshino Ouma. No dates, not any sort of synopsis of who she was--the wall would be several times larger if that was the common practice--but it was still there. A reminder of a person who had lived before, and was remembered. By her loved ones, by her legacy, and by the fact her name was on this wall, proof that she existed. 

“If we want them to be,” Kokichi said softly, letting his gaze linger on his mother’s name for a few moments more before he started reading others. “It’s the default, if we don’t specifically say we don’t want it, or if we live somewhere else when it’s our time. Other memorial grounds have their own acknowledgements like this, but it’s not necessarily just people who’re scattered here that have their names etched in.”

Kokichi landed on his mother’s name again, before pointing out the blank space under it. “My father reserved that space, next to my mom’s. Even if he does end up retiring somewhere else, they’re still gonna put his name there. Sometimes the process for that is a bit tedious, but…I think that’s one bit of royal privilege we get.”

Kaito’s eyes followed Kokichi’s finger, at that small little blank spot in the wall. For some reason, the act of that felt exhausting. Just observing the small bit of respect Aiichi had had to fight for. Kaito supposed there was no real escaping it: deaths were messes of bureaucracy. Shuichi had explained all of that to him once, the sheer process and paperwork discovering a corpse started. Even back then, thinking of it had exhausted Kaito. He didn’t expect to die until roughly, oh, a hundred or so, but just in case, he should think about ensuring that if something did happen to him, Kokichi wasn’t sobbing over paperwork…

Putting his hand on the back of Kokichi’s neck and rubbing it a little, he asked, “Have you and… Aiichi ever talked about it? About him ‘retiring’? I’ve gotten the impression that process for that is more formal here than it is in Luminary. Though I know in theory our royalty can retire as well, it’s really more like they just become figureheads rather than a part of the day to day. They never actually lose their title.”

Again, in theory. Kaito had never seen a living king or queen among the Momota line in their old age. His grandfather was always a prince, but had never earned his inheritance and left when his great-grandfather had passed early in his fathers life. Because the head royalty were expected to keep their ruling title late into life, and thus late into their children's lives, anyway, to dissuade their children from wanting to lead before they were in their fifties or older, every other generation gave up their claim early in life, assuming their own children would be of age to get the crown once the current ruling monarchs were close to their deathbeds. There were dangers in that practice, especially from assassinations from cousins, but it was meant to dissuad in-fighting between the immediate family.

Considering his father had broken the tradition and Byakuya had murdered him for it, Kaito suspected the rules had been created the hard way, sometime in the past. 

“I’ll admit, it’s hard to imagine your father ever leaving the castle for somewhere else.” Kaito said, looking to his husband curiously.

“A little,” Kokichi admitted, letting his eyes rove over the names again, lingering on the ones he knew. “I wouldn’t so much as say “leader” is a title for life, but people respect ex-leaders quite a bit, if they had done well in their time. Even if they just didn’t screw things up.”

It was only the leaders that actively were voted or run out that didn’t get the respect of having had the title. As far as he knew, anyone who had been taken from office mostly tried to hide that part of themselves, wherever they had ended up afterwards. 

Laughing softly, Kokichi glanced over to give Kaito an amused look. “You, me, and him. He’s told me that, theoretically, he is going to pass the torch over to me before his deathbed. I’d never wish for my father to develop a neurological disorder, but he’s said that there is going to come a day he just…won’t be able to effectively serve our people. Whether by physical limitations or…he’ll just get too tired.”

“But…I can’t really see him going anywhere,” Kokichi softly hummed. “There’s the stereotype of people going off to retire in the southern islands, and I do think it would be nice for anyone…but Aiichi doesn’t really…have an attachment to any place other than Usott. This is where he grew up, he doesn’t have any other family besides me, and I’ll be here taking up leadership duties. He’s enjoyed his travels around the country, but…he’s never mentioned that any place spoke to him. And I think his memories of Danganronpa are too complicated to consider retiring there.”

“Honestly, it might just turn into my father still living at the castle, but just not working.” Kokichi snorted softly. “Maybe I’ll finally bully him into getting a good hobby.”

Kaito grinned sheepishly at that, “I know we talked about it a little, I just meant… I don’t know. I guess if he had any definitive goals in mind other than ‘eventually’. If there was a certain age he’d want to be retired by, or a certain age he’d want you to rule by… and hopefully he can get a hobby before all that.” Kaito huffed, rubbing the back of his neck a bit as he said, “He does like those games with you. I mean, playing games with people isn’t the worst kinda hobby to have. Maybe just give himself more time to enjoy that.”

Kaito considered Miyako Sr’s name for a bit… “I wish I had known my mother better.” Kaito admitted, shrugging a little, “Maybe that’s unkind to say right now, considering you didn’t get a chance to know your mother at all. But… I think knowing how much time I had to try and make it work really just drives in how little I knew about her. I wish I had made more of an effort. I know my parents were neglectful, but… I really did kinda just stop trying to connect with them after high school. During, even. I let myself get lost in all the people I got to meet through school and leaving the castle more often, let myself put all my energy into being these whirlwinds through their lives… looking back at it, I think I’m to blame for why most of those relationships didn’t work.”

“I needed so much of their attention,” Kaito mused, thinking back on it, “I needed to be an event. All the time. I was big and loud and theatrical, I wanted to be the best part of their day, every day… I spent so long making my relationships this sort of ‘show’ for myself that I don’t think I ever really took the time to make them real relationships. So when they made a mistake, or got sick of me, there was no foundation to get us through that. It was just, oops, one little mistake and we’re done… I must have made it really hard, to be close to me. I feel like I did that with most of my relationships. Including my parents.”

“Oh,” Kokichi chuckled sheepishly. “No…we still talk about it pretty vaguely, when it comes up. He has been making sure that if anything happened to him suddenly, I’d be able to take over, but…doing it on our own terms? Aiichi’s still passionate as ever about our work, and…I’m happy, having more time figuring my own life out. Even hiring more people, there’s still stuff that the leader, specifically, has to attend to. If I have the chance to be able to dedicate myself more to our family, and my father’s still happy with his duties? Then…I think things’ll keep going this way for a while.”

Kokichi did still want his turn. Even with everything he’d found out, and the joy that caring for his family brought, there was still that burning passion within him that had sparked to life ever since he understood what being leader was. He wanted to be leader. He just didn’t mind waiting his turn--there was plenty to do in the meantime.

Shaking his head a little as Kaito started to lament his relationship with his mother--it wasn’t a competition, and Kokichi wished they had known each other better too--Kokichi leaned against Kaito’s side more, hugging his arm. 

“...everyone needs attention,” he said softly. “I think…yeah. That does sound like something that would make it difficult to maintain long-lasting relationships. But…at least for your parents? Even after you became an adult…it’s not your job, as their kid, to always be the one reaching out to them. If you stopped doing that…that’s not your fault, then, that you didn’t have a closer relationship. You weren’t getting what you needed from them, so…I think it made sense you turned elsewhere.”

“...maybe it was hard to get close to you. But you still did have close relationships,” Kokichi smiled gently, squeezing Kaito’s hand, “And even if they weren’t close…that doesn’t mean your other relationships weren’t important. That the time you spent together was sullied by how it ended. Even if times were brief or shallow…you were still in each other’s lives…and that’s important. If there was even just one happy moment, then…at least to me, it was special, and worth it, and important.”

Kaito squeezed back, pressing the side of his body to Kokichi a bit before leaning down to place a kiss against his forehead. “That’s a nice way of looking at it,” he said softly, stealing a quick kiss when Kokichi was looking up at him, “Thank you, beautiful.”

“Ya know, the people the…” Kaito frowned, “...death cultists took. Essentially, anyway, I know it's actually more complicated than that, but it’s still easier to think that the Remnants of Despair were the ones who did it. Anyway… it’s really cruel to say, but I remember thinking that they really had just taken the most random group of people from my life. I mean, I was with all of them at different times, and I cared about all of them, and loved some of them in a way that was significant, even without all this extra bullshit adding to their memories, but… I had other relationships? Arguably happier ones. Everyone they took ended in a complicated way, for one reason or another, they were not the relationships I looked back on the most fondly… maybe that was a part of it? Or maybe it was just a coincidence.” 

“Korekiyo and Chad made sense, if the point was to… terrorize me or strong arm Togami into trying to help me, because even if those relationships ended in a complicated way, you couldn’t argue those weren’t really important relationships in my life. But, man, Saber? Why Saber? We had a short relationship that basically ended because being in a relationship with me would have made it difficult for his inheritance expectations. Not to mention it was making his and Bailsongs relationship even worse. Rawr? I was basically an experiment to him, he just wanted someone he could trust to try things with, and I knew him through dating his sister, and she was okay with it…”

“There were other things, with some of them.” Kaito shrugged, “Much more complicated thing… Things I don’t think they ever knew I knew about. Maybe it’s wrong to want to talk about things they did that still bother me, but, I don’t know… I honor them all the time. Maybe it’s okay to remember that they weren’t always the best people in my life. It feels wrong to remember their flaws now that they’re gone and can’t defend themselves, but… especially now? These days? With just how I view my past feeling less…” Kaito waved vaguely at his head. Shrugging, “...muddled, I guess. I might have been difficult to be in a relationship with, but I don’t want to forget that… that they weren’t perfect. That I don’t have to place all of them on this pedestal because of what happened… does that make sense?” Kaito asked, looking to Kokichi, genuinely concerned, “Or is that cruel?”

Dicea’s investigations hadn’t been as thorough, simply because they couldn’t justify putting so many resources into people that weren’t their citizens. They had done cursory checks, when they had been reported as missing, when Kaito had gotten the threats, but…they weren’t Dicean citizens, and they weren’t taken by Diceans, and they weren’t in Dicea. The only resources the government could justify using was to confirm those things. 

It hadn’t been for ransom, as no ransom had been announced, and while some of the families might’ve wanted to keep that a secret, Kokichi doubted that all of them would’ve. It could’ve been to destabilize quite a few elite families…but that made the tragedy of the few that hadn’t been nobles or really rich even worse. And just…pointless risk for the cultists, if that had been the reason. 

…but they knew at least one of the points had been to provoke Togami. And…maybe taking people who had been in complicated relationships with Kaito, maybe getting them all to explain what happened, had been the point for that. 

Maybe counter to what he had just said, but…regardless of all the good Togami had been to Kaito…Kokichi could never forgive him for that. 

Sighing softly, Kokichi looked up at his husband with a soft expression. “That might be something you can only answer for yourself, hun. But…my own perspective, colored by the culture I was raised in?”

Kokichi looked around to the other people milling about the garden, the occasional bouts of laughter, and the general rumbles of talk filling the air. “It’s important, to remember all the good things. To not let the worst things be the only things you remember about a person. But…they still were people. With all of their virtues and all of their flaws, and focusing just on the virtues is just as skewed as to who they were as just focusing on tragedy, or flaws.”

“You mourn them, hun. You pay them respect, and remember the good times. You do that, so…it’s not betraying those parts to acknowledge the rest of who they were too. It’s not cruel to talk about how they hurt you, or even how they had this one annoying tendency… It’s you remembering them fully, completely.” 

Kaito grinned at his husband, his eyes wrinkling a little before he pulled him into a hug, “Ha~ Thank you, Kokichi. Sorry, I know that was all pretty all over the place, but… I guess I just feel conflicted about how I feel about all of that. Wanted to talk about both sides of those feelings… thanks for being patient… I love you, ‘Kichi.” Kaito said, placing a quick kiss against his forehead. 

Kokichi smiled softly and pressed into the kiss, putting his free arm more around Kaito’s torso in a full hug. “I love you too. I wanna listen to everything you have to say, and…thanks for sharing the memories of your friends and family and special people with me. I’m happy you had so many people in your life, with all of the good and all of the complicated parts.”

Nosing Kaito’s chest for a moment more, Kokichi pulled back and squeezed Kaito’s hand. “...do you wanna find a good spot to sit, light some incense?”

“Ooooh, yeah!” Kaito agreed, looking around as he said, “Somewhere with some shade, right? And maybe a decent breeze so the smoke doesn’t catch on ya… oh, okay, how about that tree up on the third level? That looks like a nice spot. Or…” Kaito looked for other viable trees and saw–

(Kokichi sitting on the ground, freezing. His eyes blank and empty, as he looked at Kaito like he could barely be bothered with him. Saying their love was abuse and Kaito should kill him.)

(And not saying this, but Kaito hearing, that Kaito himself was worthless.)

–a familiar looking maple tree, the bench that Kaito had kicked and broken long gone. He licked his lips uncertainly at that, but… there was probably a reason Kokichi had run to that place, when he was so distressed. Didn’t Kokichi say he buried fertilizer here? Kaito bet it was there.

So he pointed at the tree, “Or there? Less breezy, but still plenty of shade.”

Kokichi looked around, following Kaito’s gaze, and he couldn’t help the bittersweet smile that came to his face. There was a spike of nervousness and bitter feelings from his husband, and…it was clear why. It was the place they’d had their almost relationship-ending fight. Where Kokichi had said Kaito didn’t matter, and Kaito had said the world could burn. 

But the reason Kokichi had been up there in the first place, and why he’d come during every visit he’d ever made to the Memorial Garden…it was his mother’s tree. Literally, as much as any plant was for anyone in the whole garden--it wasn’t like the community garden where specific people picked out plants to put in, but that was where his mother’s ashes had been scattered. 

Palmate maples were just little things, but they loved the shade. The red cocoon of star-shaped leaves were nestled among taller trees, almost making a natural little alcove to sit back in. It did seem like a perfect place to settle in for a bit, but…

Kokichi looked over with a gentle look. “...are you sure? Not the best memories there, for us.”

“True~” Kaito said, taking Kokichi’s hand and lightly kissing the back of his pinky, “Let’s go make some new ones.”

Keeping Kokichi’s hand, Kaito headed to the maple tree, walking past the spot where Kokichi had sat and stared at him with dead eyes as he found a nice spot among the roots to settle in. Taking a seat and adjusting, Kaito said cheerfully, “You can still sit on my lap, but not if one of us is holding the incense. Don’t want little ‘Kichi burns. Did you bring a holder? Something safe to rest it on?”

“Mhmm!” Kokichi chirped happily, taking his rightful spot in Kaito’s lap. From his bag he took out a small box of incense, and a small ceramic frog. The little thing--with glazed warts and all, very pleasing to run your thumb over--had its head raised up in a grand croak, a little indent in its throat perfectly fit for holding sticks of incense. 

Taking one of the sticks from the box, Kokichi got out a lighter as well, about to light it up before he looked back at Kaito. “...is there any special way you’d wanna light it? I kinda just do it immediately, but I dunno if there’s any ceremony that’s appropriate.”

“Honestly, not really. Incense was added to our temple rituals more than anything to give people who couldn’t or wouldn’t draw blood something to do.” Kaito explained, shrugging a little, “I mean, obviously you have people who say that there’s no point if you don’t draw blood at least once a month, and it was considered a given in the castle temple. But in the city temple? Lots of people just opted to light incense instead.”

“I mean, if we were in my shrine and doing a prayer? It’d be something like…” Kaito should be bowing, and while he understood even better these days that bloodletting wasn’t a constant thing needed for Atua’s worship– honestly, he now had questions about if Atua cared about it at all, considering everything Kaito had learned about him– there was still a crawling, itching impulse in him that felt weird not having that normal sting as he said, “Atua, who loves us. Please be gentle with us and ours, who walk your trials, or… toil along another path, or rest. Help them if they falter, guide them if they stray, look over our friends, and lovers, and family, both in this life and the last. Check in on those we have lost, and those who still remain… oh, and tell Koh he’s a good horse, and let him rest before we arrive and make him far too busy as a workhorse again. Okay? Thank you…” Kaito twitched, and because he was praying anyway, added in, “Also, if you have any advice on the ‘Maki Dragon’ thing? Still need that, seriously, I am pulling the Momota card on that, if you don’t send me some advice on that and I find out later you could, I am not holding her back when she meets you. And, um… oh! If they’re still available to talk, send word to Miyako Sr. and Mariam, let them know Kokichi’s doing good, he’s got a beautiful daughter and he’s going back to work soon and he’s in the upper-nineties again in his weight! Mariam might not realize why that’s special, maybe tell her the kind of person her sister is these days, I’m sure she’d be proud once she knew the context. Um…”

Kaito suddenly blushed. Heading himself as he gave Kokichi a sheepish look, “You have anything you want to add? Sorry, I was going to make this short and poetic, but… I haven’t sat down and prayed properly in too long now. If you ever wanted a peek at how rambling my prayers can get, this is pretty much how ninety percent of them go.”

Kokichi smiled slightly, feeling warm and happy at the sort of things Kaito was praying for. Though…had he ever heard Kaito pray before? Kokichi was sure of it, but somehow the…casual, personal, specific nature of it brought a smile to Kokichi’s lips as well. Considering what Kaito had said about wanting to be specifically special to his god, it…made a lot of sense. 

Giving a short nod--and nestling affectionately back against Kaito’s chest--Kokichi thought for a moment before he spoke. “...Atua, who loves us. Thank you for looking after everyone, as best you can. Even if I have my own path…it gives me a lot of relief to know that all my loved ones, and all the people I care for will be taken care of when their time here is done. Wherever they might’ve ended up…thank you for holding the line, caring for my mother, and everyone else I’ve left, no matter what.”

Grinning, Kokichi laughed softly. “You’re really cool! But, yeah, give Kai-chan some help, since you’re meddling anyway. If you’ve chosen him to carry your burdens, then give him some help to carry the load.”

With a nod, Kokichi lit the stick of incense, and placed it in the frog, setting it down a bit in front of them, watching the first few wisps of smoke start to waft up.

“Yes! Thank you! Listen to Kokichi, Atua, he’s literally wise.” Kaito huffed, before his expression relaxed, closing his eyes, “Atua be pleased.”

Kaito watched fondly as Kokichi lit the incense, his eyes also tracing the wisps of smoke for a moment, before he closed them and just breathed. The scent lighter because of the open air, and different from what he had grown up with, but… “I’ve always loved the way these things smell.” Kaito admitted, feeling his shoulders relax slightly, “I’d say maybe smoke just reminds me of the temples, but the truth is I just like the way smoke smells. I used to love to sit in the hookah bars and just smell all the difference scents, watch the light shift through the haze…”

Kaito sighed at the happy memories. 

“Atua be pleased.”

Leaning back, Kokichi relaxed against Kaito and watched the smoke, trying not to breathe even the small wisps in as he just…soaked in appreciation for life. “Not so much the smoke itself for me, but some of the different kinds of incense scents are pretty nice. Usually just from what I can smell on people’s clothes, though.”

Taking one of Kaito’s hands, Kokichi played with his fingers as they relaxed. “...I think there might be one or two hookah bars here…but it’s not a very common thing. Most smoke-based things aren’t. Even before the Clean Air Acts…there was a big public safety push to warn people about the dangers of various forms of smoke inhalation. Cigarettes and bongs ‘n stuff aren’t illegal, but…just not that common to see.”

“...describe it for me?” Kokichi softly asked, looking up at Kaito. “If you want, of course.”

“Mmmmm…” Kaito tried to think of how to describe it.

“So, you’ve been in a bar, right? I mean a proper bar, not like the pubs. All tucked away and dark? Maybe you haven’t… anyway, I had a few hookah bars I went to, but the one I liked most was this tucked away little bar a restaurants attic. It was really bare bones, the beams of the roof were still bare, and the only window was this small little attic window that was always budged open. Little golden lanterns lit up everything unevenly, and around them you could see graffiti that people had written and etched onto the wood. It covered every inch of the room, the graffiti, everyone who went there leaving some mark behind. I think I left two that I can remember, a little sigil of Atua, and a Momota sigil with  ‘Luminary of the Stars’ etched over it. I might have made more when I was drunk though.” Kaito grinned sheepishly, “Maybe etched a dick into some odd corner.”

“The roof was low in this part of the building, it went up on a curve because the restaurant building was connected to a large building…. Oh, I guess you wouldn’t understand why that needs explaining. A lot of our roofs are domed in some way, having them angle out usually means they’re some addition or add on to a regular building…” Kaito shrugged, “So, because the roof was so low in so much of the bar, the side of the room that sold the actual hookah’s and drinks was the high part on the left, and on the right you’d eventually have to shift down onto your knees to get around the low, low tables. And everyone sat on these big, beautiful, beat up pillows.”

Kaito chuckled at that, now lost in the memory as he recalled fondly, “I think they were antiques, straight up. Big, beautiful, intricately designed classically stuffed pillows, and we were all spilling drinks on them and accidently burning them all the time… there was something beautiful in it, ‘Kichi. Like we were still living in some untouched part of our history…”

“Sorry, maybe that’s too poetic for old, ragged pillows in a bar.” Kaito murmured, “Who even knows if that was actually a part of our history, sitting on massive pillows like that instead of chairs. We have a lot of old artwork that suggests it, Korekiyo thought there was a good chance at some point we did that, but there were a lot of counterarguments that it was us just remembering fantasy and exaggerations from our history, rather than something accurate. Like with our ‘old’ clothes, the sheer fabrics and the metal bracelets and hanging gems. Who knows how we actually dressed.” 

“So we’d all duck beneath the roof, curled up or sometimes even laid out on these pillows– I had to lay out mostly, cause your Kaito’s a bigger guy– and in the center of these tables we’d have these hookah’s, these tall, intricate glass mechanisms, or tin if you don’t mind the taste, with these long tubes, so like a group could all share the same hookah. And we’d have all these different flavors of hookah that filled the room with different scents, and the smoke…”

Kaito grinned, “The smoke was beautiful too, ‘Kichi. They came in these different colors, based on what flavor you got. You’d only see the color for a moment, before it mixed and faded into the rest of the room. But it was so pretty for that moment… and it was cold.” Kaito laughed, “I think that’s partly why people in Luminary like it so much. I don’t know how it was made, not really. But Hookah smoke is cold. It chills your insides when you breathe it in. We’d all sit at our pillows and smoke and drink and write on the walls and talk to each other…”

“Korekiyo didn’t like it.” Kaito recalled, his expression dimming a little, “If it wasn’t one of his weird, dangerous hobbies, he just couldn’t see the point of it. I do resent that a little, looking back at it. I used to go all the time, and then just sorta stopped because allll our free time had to go into his hobbies, the dungeons, the games, his friends… should have just gone on my own and told him to deal with it.” Kaito huffed. “I’m gonna tell him so, next time I see him.”

Settled back, Kokichi let his eyes unfocus a little as he watched the smoke from their single stick of incense. He let it expand in his mind into Kaito’s words, ever the vivid story-teller, and paint the scene more delicately than even watercolor. 

Somewhere dark and cramped, but not uncomfortable or claustrophobic, feeling more like a secret corner of the world, a precious oasis. Sitting and lying on history, filling your lungs and the room with ephemeral art, just single moments of beauty. 

“That does sound incredible,” Kokichi murmured softly. “And I don’t think romanticizing the pillows is too poetic. It sounds like that fit the whole vibe of the place, and especially as a special place to you.”

Sighing a little, Kokichi squeezed the hand he still had captured. “He’ll probably be in a better place to see your point, when you do. But…in the meantime. Yeah. That sucks, that he couldn’t appreciate your hobbies, as things that you liked. You tell him off, when you reunite.”

“...did you ever go with Shuu-chan or Maki-chan? Or different friends?”

Kaito chuckled, wrapping his arms around Kokichi and hugging him tight, “I will~ Thank you, ‘Kichi.”

“Shuichi and Maki? Irregularly, though Maki way more than Shuichi. Shuichi didn’t like how intimately social and loud the setting was. Everyone had a habit of, if we weren't’ all whispering? Which did happen sometimes, but mostly, it was everyone talking over each other, loud as they could. Loud, ya know? And it wasn’t unheard of to just have strangers, like, making out next to you. Not Shuichi’s vibe.” Kaito recalled, smiling lightly at the few memories of when Shuichi did come. His poor sidekick, mostly looking shy and uncomfortable, Kaito doing his best to try to make him feel involved and comfortable. “And Maki didn’t mind the environment, but she didn’t like the smoke. Always said we were all idiots, ruining our lungs.”

Kokichi laughed softly, basking in Kaito’s hug. “If it can be that intimate? Yeah, I see how it wouldn’t really be Shuu-chan’s vibe. And that’s such a Maki-chan thing…”

Snorting softly, a little more sad, Kokichi rubbed Kaito’s hand. “I know it isn’t really a thing to ‘fix’. And that the ones here wouldn’t really be a replacement…but I would check a hookah bar out here with you, if I could. I know we’ve talked about it before…but your hobbies, and the things you like are important to me. I wanna make sure Kai-chan has more opportunities for fun than he knows what to do with.”

“Hell no.” Kaito said simply, giving Kokichi a mildly exasperated look, before loudly, obnoxiously kissing his cheeks a few time, “I love you beautiful. You think I’m letting your lungs anywhere near a hookah bar, then you’ve seriously overrestimated how willing I am to indulge the ‘Let Kokichi try whatever he wants’ mentality these days. Occasional incense outside? Sure, delightful. Kokichi in a closed off room filled with smoke? I’d rather cut my dick for fun before trying that. No.”

Snorting, before devolving into snickers, Kokichi pressed into the cheek kisses, sneaking in his own wherever he could. “That’s why I said ‘if I could’! I love you a lot, but even trying to participate in your hobbies with you won’t make me destroy my lungs. I just have to settle for having my incredibly talented story-teller hubby tell me all about the bars, ‘cause it’s the closest I’m gonna get.”

“Though, the story is really delightful itself. Doesn’t feel like I’m missing out in a bad way,” Kokichi grinned, turning his head a little to give Kaito a wink.

“Good~” Kaito said, taking Kokichi’s hand and idly deciding to play with it a little. Running his hands up and down Kokichi’s fingers, running the tips of his thumbs over Kokichi’s nails, before laying Kokichi’s hand out against his, “I’ll trade you stories of hookah bars and wild-child Luminary antics, and you can tell me about cool court moments and neat things you solved and fun moments you had when you were out and about and being your own terror in the city…”

He patted his palm against Kokichi’s, smirking a little as he noted fondly, “Itty bitty ‘Kichi, teeny-tiny hands~”

Letting out a small huff, Kokichi rolled his eyes as he patted his palm against Kaito’s as well. “Kai-chan’s just a giiiiiiiant. Even if he’s so reliiiiiiant. More than just my client, my giant Kai-chan~”

Kaito lit up, grinning wide. A flush overcoming his face before, suddenly, overwhelmed, he took his hands back and dug his palms into his eyes. “Ooooooooh, no. That was cute… ‘Kichi, you don’t know what you do to me, fuck.”

His whole body burning, Kaito chuckled to himself as he tapped the back of his head against the tree, trying to will himself to calm down. Too cute. He was gonna die. Gonna melt on the spot.

Kokichi giggled, grinning widely at the ‘too cute’ feelings coming off of Kaito. Copy his schtick, and see where it gets him now! Kaito couldn’t just make silly songs about his size and not expect any retaliation!

“Can’t wait to hear everything we make up for Miya. She’s never going to have a moment’s rest. She’s happy with the attention now, but just wait, when she’s a teenager and in front of her friends? Still gonna sing to her. Addie’s gonna melt just in the second-hand embarrassment, even if he’s been hearing it as long as she has.”

Kaito smiled fondly at that, giving Kokichi a warm look as he finally released his eyes. Wrapping his arms around him for a bit, as they watched the garden slowly empty out. He wondered why? Maybe visits to the memorial garden were more a morning thing…

“...I know you were never against it. But… I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you talk about Addason as a part of our future.” Kaito admitted, giving Kokichi a soft look as he said, “Sometimes I worried, that maybe you resented how attached to him I got. I know Addason came to light at a really difficult part of our life, and… everyone kept telling me to stop getting involved… I’m sorry that I made things difficult. No one else really wanted Addason to be a part of our lives, I really kinda just… pushed it on us. And just got lucky you found Temp to adopt him.”

Kokichi’s eyes widened in surprise, before something moderately guilty and apologetic bled into his face. “Is it…? That makes me feel kinda crummy… Temp and I talk all the time about Miya and Addie growing up together, and what sort of playdates we can set them up on; doin’ our Dad Club things… It bums me out I haven’t been considering him when it’s us together too.”

Sighing, Kokichi leaned back against Kaito’s chest again. “It was…a struggle, at first. When I found out how much Shuu-chan was struggling with the tasks Maki-chan left him, I was angry, and hurt…and knowing that we were dealing with Addie’s birth parents…I was scared too. Not as much as when Maki-chan said she was getting custody of them but…they really scare me, and more at the time.”

“But as soon as Shuu-chan properly told us, and I had a moment to think? Addason’s just…a kid. A kid that needed help, and even if I felt like there wasn’t much I could do, and that there were a lot of people who could help him more, who were already in positions to do that…you didn’t feel that way, and neither did Maki-chan or Shuu-chan. You decided to take action, so…well, suddenly there was stuff I could do.”

Kokichi smiled softly, weaving his fingers into the spaces between Kaito’s. “...you know I love being able to help people. And talking with Temp, hearing how much he wanted to be a dad, and knowing he’d be a great person to help Addie with his special needs…it all just kinda felt perfect, you know? And now, of course, knowing Addie…It’d feel like something important was missing, if he wasn’t in our lives, now. He’s our godson… I wanna be there to see how amazing he is as he grows up, just like Miya. And I adore the idea of them being friends.”

…friends that would be able to uniquely relate to each other for some struggles. Friends that wouldn’t have to say the last goodbye for a long, long time.

“I still want to punch Maki sometimes, for just… dumping it on us.” Kaito sighed, a twitch of irritation on his expression. “Maki, I gotta say? Came back at a really good time for me to not have just, like, beaten the shit out of her. She was asking for an asskicking, let me fucking tell you what…”

The irritation easing, Kaito grinned a little, “But I was so immediately excited, for another little baby. I knew we couldn’t adopt him because we just weren’t in a good position to do something like that, it’d have been so stupidly stressful… and I meant it, what I said before, that we have enough kids until Feelings Baby shows up.”

“But I also meant it, what I told you, when we were first discussing kids? I’ve always imagined myself with kids, someday. My own little group of gremlins… each kid was potentially a tragedy in the making, if they wanted to rule someday. That’s always the problem with royalty having a lot of children, there’s always some kid who gets ambitious… but, god, I still wanted them.” Kaito mused, eyes dreamy and far away, “My little bundle of Miyako’s and Timothy’s, running around some manor that me and the spouse had tucked ourselves safely away in… mind you, in those daydreams, my spouse was the one staying home, taking care of the kids, and I was off being the breadwinner.” Kaito chuckled, “I never thought I’d be suited for, or ever really be in a position too, being the full time caregiver. Was never something I even considered. Weird how life works out.”

“But, yeah. I got really attached to just the concept of Addason, almost immediately. Things were finally working out with me and Tim, Miyako was on the way…” Kaito shrugged, “Anyway, yeah. I was just immediately attached, and I know that wasn’t easy. I’m sorry I put you in that position, Kokichi. Thank you for being patient.”

“I bet they will be friends.” Kaito said, eyes alight with that daydream, “I hope they’re close. I hope we can tell Miyako one day that the first thing she thought of him was that he was a snack, and it’s the fiftieth time we’ve told her that story, and she thinks it’s a sweet and fun story anyway. The story of how she made her first friend… by failing to eat him~”

Kokichi’s anger towards Maki hadn’t manifested as much. His worry for Shuuichi, and the stress of trying to put everything together distracted him to the point he just couldn’t muster the anger anymore. But…it had been so shitty of her to put such a delicate and important task on her pregnant brother, while putting him in a position he couldn’t really ask for help, especially when the processes weren’t something he had any idea of… 

But, well. They had been working out their grievances. And it turned out alright. 

“I remember,” Kokichi softly giggled, though Kaito’s daydreams were new news to him. “I don’t think I reacted very much, but I was so happy to hear you wanted kids too. Even being pretty much a kid myself…I knew I wanted a big family. I wanted to be able to love and care and teach and admire someone, like a parent does a child. I think it was little more idealistic than actual parenthood, but I can’t say I feel even an ounce of regret.”

“I love how much you love…but even when things get more difficult because of that, the hard things are always worth persevering through. I trust the captain’s navigation enough to fight rough waters, you know?”

Turning a little in Kaito’s lap, Kokichi kissed his husband’s cheek. “We’re gonna be insufferable with the embarrassing baby stories. She’ll love it.”

Kaito smirked, stealing a little kiss against Kokichi, then another, before murmuring, “Little ‘Kichi and his legion of ducks, which he ruled with his reasonable and wise little baby fists~ Little ‘Kichi dancing with his knees and his butt, all by himself~ Little ‘Kichi, with his very sweet little tea times with his very sweet little toys.”

“I told Ikuo once that I wanted to tease you by giving your dolls all sort of social dramas over tea time,” Kaito snickered, “He said I might actually make you cry though. My sweet ‘Kichi…I love you. I know that’s not news. I just wanted to say it again.”

Kaito looked around the memorial garden. They were alone… “Is there some sort of event going on around lunch?” He asked, giving the place a confused look, “Even the picnic guys have packed up.”

Kokichi huffed a little, but rolled his eyes good-naturedly. Embarrassing baby stories indeed. He had always wanted a big family…and he had one. Just not one he had been able to see before, but…he was happier with the new additions too. Meshing the old and new together, even if it was hard and uncomfortable sometimes. 

“I love you too. Even if you prod my dads for embarrassing stories and it just nails in how much of a softie I am.”

Perking a little, Kokichi looked around the empty garden, humming as he saw what Kaito had observed. “Oh… I mean, I could assume that people are getting lunch, and…maybe those picnic folks just happened to finish up… There’s nothing I can really think of as being a specific, big event that everyone would go to, though. Remembrance is a holiday you share with others, yeah, but usually not, like, the whole dang town.”

“Hm,” Kaito said, eyeing the empty garden… before shrugging a little,  “Could just be a coincidence. Just was surprised. It’s kinda nice having the place to ourselves though. Peaceful.”

Leaning back against the tree, the incense stick burning away on the cheerful little frog, Kaito rubbed his hand up and down Kokichi’s arms as his husband laid against him. Basking in the peaceful quiet for a moment, before humming a light little tune to himself. Rustling wind whistling through the maple trees leaves above, as Kaito’s eyes felt a little heavy…

“...think it’d be a bad idea to take a nap here?” Kaito whispered sleepily.

“Nah,” Kokichi whispered back. “I’ll watch your back, too. If you take a nap? I might just zone out for a little. Think about people I love, while sitting with a person I love.”

Kaito took a deep, heavy breath, nodding slowly. “Yeah? Alright… such a good husband… I’m very lucky to have you…”

And apparently only really needing permission, Kaito drifted off to sleep.

-

Shuichi was sitting with Miyako, watching Timothy and Kimiko paint in the courtyard– which seemed to be mostly them pouring paint onto canvases and watching the paint swirl in interesting ways for Timothy, while Kimiko, if Shuichi could see it right, was doing a soft pastel painting of Timothy pouring paint– before looking down at Miyako.

“Let’s sing it again,” Shuichi told Miyako sternly, tapping at her nose lightly, “But do pay attention now. I saw you watching that butterfly last time, young miss. We both have a lot to learn, I need you in this with me.”

Then, in a small, sing song voice, he said softly to her, “Zero~ Ichi~ Ni~” he sang softly, tapping once on Miyako’s chest at ‘ichi’, twice on ‘ni’, “San~ Shi~ Go~”

Tapping some more, he continued counting out in a sing-song tone, as Miyako tried to bring Shuichi’s fingers up to her mouth to chew on them, “Roku~ Nana~ Hachi~ Kyuu and Ju~” he sang, tapping tapping a ten times on Miyako’s chest as he held the note. “Alright, now sing it back.”

Miyako determinedly pulled at Shuichi’s finger. Shuichi gave her an unimpressed look back, “Miyako you already have a pacifier that you’ve rejected twice. Why does it have to be my fingers?”

It was both fantastic timing, and kind of horrible. 

Kitty was…well, honestly flattered and flabbergasted when Prince Kokichi reached out to her, asking if he and his fiance could ask her some questions about her job. When Alter Ego--a name was a name, though…if you asked people who in the community went by ‘Kitty’...--had asked around about Empathetic healing, she had immediately thrown her proverbial hat into the ring, but when the prince hadn’t reached out after that, she left it there. 

To reach out now… It was interesting, to say the least. 

But work had been so busy, they hadn’t really been able to get the time together to come to Usott, so it kept getting delayed…

But a holiday was a perfect reason to firmly declare no work…and Kitty wasn’t that kind of psychic, that people sometimes sought out on Remembrance. So that was the good timing! The bad was…it would’ve been nice to spend the day with Junie and Fumie. But they had already stopped by Junie’s house, and had gotten loaded up with more chocolate chip brookies than they could carry, and they’d be returning, since the middle Egami had opened his home to his siblings for the holiday get-together. 

And to Kyle. Who…didn’t really like celebrating Remembrance anyway. 

That was another plus. Not as many people coming and going from the castle, so fewer people to question why a seven foot tall orange and purple fox was walking around. 

As they got to the castle, seeing a family painting off to the side, Kitty looked up to her companion. “Have you ever been to the Ouma castle, Kyle?”

“No’ for a long da’n time,” the fox grumbled softly, its unblinking eyes scanning the large building. “Bloody whale of a place, innit. Ya sure we can jus’ walk in an’ take an appie like it’s no thing?”

Shuichi glanced up. Saw it. Looked down. Blinks. Registered what he saw, looked up again…

“...what the actual fuck?” Shuichi whispered, squinting to make sure his vision wasn’t just blurring, “Don’t tell your dad I said fuck around you, Miyako. Father isn’t usually the curser.” He continued to whisper, still just staring.

Kyle glanced over, a foul mood drifting over him. If they had been able to articulate, his ears and tail would’ve drooped. People weren’t always that suspicious of him…but he did tend to get Looks whenever he went out. Sure, anyone in the damn country could practically live in a fursuit if they wanted! …but it was still weird, and would get attention. 

Ever attentive to her friend’s mood, Kitty put a gentle hand on the fox’s back. “The worst they can say is no, then we can try again tomorrow. Georgetta would probably be happy to come with me then instead too.”

“S’fine.” Shaking his head a little, the odd pair walked into the castle, hoping to get some work done, even on vacation.

Kirumi was, technically, not working right now. She was, more technically, heading out to join a small, veteran memorial gathering. She was quite looking forward to it, really… but a giant fox fursuit would be a difficult thing to miss even for someone not as diligent as the housekeeper. And while she was, technically, not working, she couldn’t help but note the looking uncertainty on the woman next to them.

So, deciding she might as well check in on the two new visitors on her way out, she headed over, nodding her head slightly and placing her hands gently in front of her waist, “Good day. Do you require assistance?”

Looking over in slight surprise, though she had seen the woman approach them, Kitty did a little not-quite bow, not-quite nod, the little bell on her necktie tinkling softly. “Oh, sorry to bother you! We were looking for Prince Kokichi and his fiance? We’re friends of friends, and were hoping we could say hello while we were in town, if they hadn’t gone out for festivities today… You wouldn’t happen to know if they were here today, would you, Mx…?”

“Miss Kirumi Tojo, at your service.” Kirumi said, taking each end of her dress up and curtseying slightly, “...unofficially, of course. It is not a day for working. But, it does not put me out in any way to inform you that you likely missed Mr. Saihara on your way inside. I am aware that he is watching the children paint today, while Prince Kokichi and his prince-consort are about town for the holiday. I do apologize if this puts you out in any way, I am certain Kokichi will be remiss to have missed your arrival.”

“Oh! I see then.” Kitty offered a bashful grin, before giving a thankful nod to the woman. “Thank you for the tip, Miss Toujou. Ah, I’m Kitty Egami, and this is my friend…”

The space for him to interject was obvious, but it still hung for just a beat too long not to be awkward before Kyle spoke softly, his tone hidden a bit, but the very thick northern accent unconcealable. “Kyle. Smith.”

“Well, we still will be in town for a little while, so hopefully we will be able to catch Prince Kokichi eventually,” Kitty continued, undeterred and unperturbed. “Have a nice Remembrance, Miss Toujou!”

“Indeed,” Kirumi smiled, nodding her head respectfully, “Have a delightful Remembrance.”

She held the door open for them on their way out, before heading out on her way.

Shuichi watched somewhat warily as the person in the costume came back out of the castle, Kirumi seeming to be friendly with the pair before heading off. He glanced over at the kids, who still seemed engrossed in their painting, before looking back to it, the morbid fascination hanging heavily off of him. It was so big… the person inside must be so hot. What kind of animal was that meant to be? Fox? 

Oh, Atua, the pair was coming towards them.

As usual, if Kyle went to go meet with The Ghost Bureau’s clients at all, he hung back, knowing how his…everything, tended to be with people. Kitty had never really wanted to be the face of their company, but between Kyle’s Kyle-ness, and Georgie’s schedule and enthusiasm…

Look, if they ever wanted to take jobs not from total weirdos, Kitty had to put the work in. It was a living. 

Still staying a respectful distance away, Kitty gave Shuuichi a small wave. “Um, hello! I’m sorry to interrupt, but…you are Shuuichi Saihara, right? Prince Kokichi’s fiance?”

“...yes. I am.” Shuichi said, resigning himself to whatever this new thing was as the kids glanced over, gaping at the costumed man. 

Well, at least Timothy and Kimiko didn’t seem as overtly disturbed by it as Shuichi felt. He couldn’t stop glancing over at the eyes. The wide, soulless, always staring eyes… before looking back to the young woman as he stood up. 

Cradling Miyako to his chest and making another valiant attempt to get her to take her pacifier, which she decidedly ignored, as he said, “Are you looking for my fiance? I’m sorry to say he’s not working right now, if there’s some administration matter he was working on with you, I’d recommend checking in tomorrow with the castle administration office, one of them likely inherited it.”

“No, sorry,” Kitty grinned sheepishly. “I’m Kitty Egami--my brother is your fiance’s therapist. Through the daisy chain, I heard that you two were interested in hearing about my work in paranormal investigations.”

Looking over her shoulder, she gave a nod to Kyle, who was doing a very good job of pretending not to see the older children ogling at him. “This is my friend and co-worker, Kyle Smith.”

“We wouldn’t want to distract you, if you’re the one with the kids today,” she smiled softly, “But would there be a better day for us to talk? I’m afraid to say we’ll only be in Usott for a day or two--we don’t tend to work here, as is the reason I haven’t reached out sooner.”

Shuichi’s eyes widened at that, “Oh! I see, you’re the investigators my fiance spoke of. Faaaasci…” Shuichi glanced at the wide, staring, unblinking eyes towering above him, “...nating. I have been looking forward to meeting you, thank you so much for responding to our request. You said you were in town for a few days? I hope you didn’t come here just for this, I’d have been just as happy speaking to you over phone or letter… though, if you did, I sincerely appreciate the effort you went to.”

Looking around, he laughed lightly, “Uh, as you can see, I am watching the kids today, but if you don’t mind sitting in the grass?”

Letting out a soft, amicable laugh, Kitty shook her head, adjusting her glasses. “Oh, no, I’m in town to visit my brother and sister for the holidays--it just seemed convenient to speak with you as well if we were already going to be in Usott, no? Thanks for rolling with the surprise of it all.”

Sitting down, Kyle finally approached and sat beside Kitty, adjusting his tail to the side. They might have to work out grass stains later, but such was life. Gently, he nodded towards Shuuichi. “Nice ta meet’chu. An’ Happy Remembrance, be th’ way.”

Shuichi had so many questions, and all of them would be rude, as he nodded his head politely at the… person. “Same, Happy Remembrance. Um, shoot… you know, I didn’t actually have questions prepared. Forgive me if my thoughts seem unfocused, I’ve never been in a position to ask what someone elses career was like from the perspective of trying it myself someday. Potentially.” He tacked on at the end, adjusting his hat a bit, ignoring Miyako’s attempts to grab his passing sleeve, “It’s all very hypothetical, currently…”

Attempting to give Miyako her pacifier again– the baby steadfastly ignoring it, with the dedication only an infant who truly gave no shits could do– Shuichi gave them both a somewhat shy smile, “I don’t know what sort of message my fiance passed along, but, as you already know, my name is Shuichi Saihara. And, I am… between careers, at the moment.” Shuichi explained, some color coming to his face. Some slight shame in the admission, as he continued, “I… used to be, or, well, I am, but… anyway, I’ve done a great deal of work as a detective in the past, but have found the differences of my line of work between my old home and Usott to be a bit jarring and difficult to adapt to, and have considered trying out something entirely new to compensate for that. And, well…”

Shuichi hesitated. He didn’t know how much these two actually bought into their jobs or if it was a gimmick two hustlers were making use of, and said carefully, “I am… recently intrigued with the concept of supernatural mysteries. And was hoping to learn more about your profession of solving said mysteries.”

“No worries,” Kitty said kindly. “We did kind of show up out of the blue, too. We’ll do our best to explain what we do, and answer any questions that might occur to you. It’s not the most conventional job, is it.”

Kyle, on the other hand, made a little motion that indicated that he’d be rolling his eyes if he could. “Don’ let ‘er fool ya--Kitty’s been workin’ this gig since she wa’ in high school. An’ since Georgie’s no’ here, I have th’ obligatory, ‘we’re ghost hunters, we bea’ spirits up, woo’.”

The fox did a little pizazz motion with his…paws? While Kitty just sighed softly. “...to which I say, we don’t actually hunt ghosts…most of the time.”

“If you’ve already done detective work,” she smiled at Shuuichi, “Then…you’re already halfway there. Historically, the supernatural community gets left on their own, when it comes to crime, since…well, it would cause quite a scene if a centaur came into town and asked the Guardforce for help, wouldn’t it? For people needing help with their affairs, but can’t do it the established way? Then we at The Ghost Bureau are happy to help.”

Shuichi, adjusting Miyako in his arms so that he could dig into his pockets, laid her out on his left arm and, with a determined look, laid the journal on her belly– smiling lightly at her little surprised giggle– before opening it up and determinedly writing into it, starting a new page. 

“So Centaurs are a thing then? Do they live in Dicea? Near Usott? Centaurs even at their most reserved artistic interpretations are massive creatures, estimated to potentially be as tall as 9ft from hoof to head, and needing the space and range of a regular horse, not to mention the accommodations that could be expected from a sentient species that would develop for themselves shelter and a diverse and consistent food range, how would you hide all of that, is there some sort of magic involved?”

Miyako grabbed the end of Shuichi’s pen and contently held on as he continued to write with it anyway.

Kitty gave a little amused smile as the father used his daughter as a writing surface before she nodded a bit. “They are. While in usual folklore, centaurs are kind of the end all, be all, ‘Taurs as a category of people is really diverse. I’ve heard some people argue that mermaids are a kind of ‘Taur, but then you get people arguing that mermaids are descendants of water nymphs and all sorts of classification stuff…”

“Coul’n’ tell you before th’ Great Migration,” Kyle huffed softly, “Bu’ there’re a few different ‘Taur communities in Dicea that we’ve talked too. Us’lly more out in th’ country, rather than near any big cities. Easier t’ skate by wi’out notice, that way I reckon. When they hav’ to talk t’ th’ uninformed, it’s a combination ‘a illusion and practical effect. ‘Pparently used to look right dafty, back in th’ day.”

“I did kind of use them as a turn of phrase, though,” Kitty smiled sheepishly. “A lot of our work comes from cities, since magic villages tend to be able to mete out their own justice, even if they have to fudge official records sometimes. Every now and then, though, we do get a case farther out.”

Shuichi nodded, still jotting down notes. “I see, I see. That makes a lot of sense, ‘Taurs…”

Pausing as he considered this information, a distant, thoughtful look on his expression… before he gave the two of them a serious look. Or, more accurately, he gave Kitty a serious look, Kyle looming in his peripherals as he asked, “May I ask, what kind of cases do you find yourself usually managing? I imagine even gaining the trust of these individual communities to convince them to come to you for help in the first place must be a trial in itself…?”

Again, Kitty gave Shuuichi a more sheepish look. “Not as much as you might imagine. In part, because I used to work for Spirits and Such Consulting--when I branched out, I already knew a lot of people across the country, so I have contacts that are willing to recommend us. And also…I’m psychic. Psychic abilities aren’t constrained by species, so, by being able to talk with others in the psychic community, they can vouch for us too.”

“We take a lotta stuff,” Kyle nodded. “Investigatin’ so-called ‘haunted’ sites, ‘n dealin’ with the ghosts if there are any. Handling cursed objects. We do more detective work, when official cases write somethin’ off as coincidence.”

His voice lowered a bit. “Murder cases.”

Shuichi wished the small spark of interest at ‘murder cases’ wasn’t as obvious as it was. Even to himself. In truth, his main job in Luminary had been to look for and report on rebels and insurrectionists, of which Queen Sayaka over the years had become more and more convinced were everywhere– the fact that, technically, she had been correct did not change Shuichi’s opinion of her in hindsight– and his secondary job had been to look for signs of theft. Theft could be small and petty, such as the infamous incident with the missing pens, or high profile and news worthy, such as missing treasures from the vaults, but Shuichi had always sort of viewed it as a necessary if morally mundane part of his job. He didn’t really care who had stolen this emerald or that relic, beyond admiring the methods of theft sometimes.

But murder cases? Those were the cases where Shuichi felt like he had really… ‘shined’ was the wrong word for it. Felt most impassioned to actually do well, to feel personal about the results. Anyone in the castle– employed by, staying there, in the surrounding city– could request help with a missing persons or a murder charge, and if they had the right connections, or if Kyoko herself happened to hear about it, those cases could be passed on to Shuichi to either investigate privately or aid the guardforce with. And sometimes those cases had led to more than just justice. Sometimes those cases had led to saved lives in the future, or even rescues. Missing persons found. Hit lists cut short. Trapped domestic situations freed when their troublesome situations were discovered and reported specifically to his mentor, who had them ‘handled’.

Usually, Shuichi knew, by Mr. Nidai. 

Shuichi hadn’t realized how much he valued his ability to help people that way until he realized that the career in Dicea didn’t need the amount of skill he had spent his life accumulating and refining. He had looked through murder case files for Dicea. With the rare exception, murder was so rare in Dicea that when it happened, it was usually some idiot who had hit too hard in a regular fight and found themselves weepily confessing to it as soon as the guards arrived. Good that the guards were there to handle it. A waste of a life-long detective.

Which, objectively? Was a good thing. Dicea had gotten to a good place in its societal level of violence. But Shuichi didn’t care about stopping thieves, really, and fuck did he not want to build a career in background checks and confirming infidelity suspicions, as he heard some independent detectives did. And so to hear there were communities nearby that would benefit from the specific set of skills that Shuichi had…

He felt gross at how much that piqued his interest, as he decided, for his own sense of self-worth, to ask, “Cursed objects? Obviously in theory I know about them, but I imagine it’s quite a process to confirm and deal with them. And ghosts…” Shuichi frowned, admitting, “I know almost nothing about that entire area of expertise. Could you elaborate? Do you do… exorcisms?” 

There was something of a huff from Kyle, and Kitty’s gaze went to him for a moment before she tilted a hand back and forth. “In a sense. There’s no way to actually force a ghost into a reaper’s care--I imagine reapers would’ve taken advantage of that method thousands of years ago if there was a way--but, well…”

“We can still give ‘em an old-school eviction notice,” Kyle said, something in his voice indicating that it was a grim joke. “Some poor bampots lose ‘emselves, after a while. Start goin’ a bit mad, but still have the drive t’ tell reapers t’ fuck off. Folks call on us t’ get ‘em t’ leave, whether just an area, or convincin’ ‘em t’ finally give up. Sometimes calmin’ ‘em, if we can manage it.”

Kitty sighed softly. “Apparently a long time ago hunters would try to seal lost spirits in objects that could be hidden away, or would neutralize a ghost’s ability to interact with the world…but almost always, those items would corrupt and become a cursed object. Those are the worst cases, since not only do you have to figure out how to destroy or purge a cursed object, which is always a trial, but then you have a ghost to settle things with right after.”

“Though…they’re usually pretty thankful to be freed from the object,” she mused, “So they’re usually willing to let things go, just from that.”

Shuichi frowned at that, something grim in his expression, “...that’s fairly horrific. They’re not aware in the objects, are they?”

Kyle let out a grim chuckle. “If they’re lucky, naw. Luck don’ favor those who defy death, though.”

“...ooooh, your dad is not going to like this, if I decide to get really into ghosts, Miya.” Shuichi whispered to his daughter, a certainty in his expression, as he said to his thoroughly unimpressed daughter, “Father used to tease dad because his phobia was so silly, Miyako. And now it’s weirdly prevalent.”

Shuichi sighed as Miyako failed to convey proper astonishment at the sheer unexpected irony of the situation… before giving Kitty and– at least glancing at– Kyle as he said, “That sounds exceptionally important, if I’m entirely honest. Especially if there’s a limited number of people with both the knowledge and skillset to provide aid. That’s… a bit exciting for me, if I’m honest…”

“You all are only visiting here.” Shuichi realized, tilting his head a bit, “Are either of you aware of any supernatural detective agencies that are already set up within Usott? Is there any?”

“It is, isn’t it?” Kitty laughed softly. “As grim as some cases are, and how dangerous it can get at times…the supernatural is deeply fascinating. Even people who live their whole lives in a magic community don’t always have the entire breadth of knowledge for every situation they might stumble into, so…it’s nice, being able to help people out of a jam, and possibly learn something at the same time.”

“We’ve heard of a few folks pokin’ around in Usott, but there aren’t any established agencies,” Kyle shook his head a little. “If yer already a detective, sir? Then if you even set up a regular agency, you could ask people to spread word yer veil-friendly. We wouldn’ mind spreadin’ word, since we dunnae take cases in Usott often. Just…”

For not being able to make any facial expressions, just by the tilt of the head and raising of the shoulders, Kyle gave off the impression he was scowling. “...if ya ever get any leads on the Spring Slasher…let us know.”

Kitty sighed softly, a complicated expression going over her face as she glanced at her friend.

Shuichi’s eyes widened, imagining it. He could do that… start his own agency in Usott, offer his service to the guards force and locals if they ever really did need assistance from someone with his level of expertise, but focus on supernatural and… what was a good word for it? Secret community issues? It was just the right amount of challenging and valuable to make Shuichi genuinely excited by the idea. 

He could see himself being incredibly proud, in a career like that…

Though, his eyes finally more than flickered over to Kyle. It was… a bit difficult to look him in the ‘eyes’, the costume’s gaze incredibly unnerving and Shuichi not even entirely certain that’s where he was seeing from? But he could note the tone of voice as something weighed with baggage, as he asked, “Apologies, I’m not familiar. Spring Slasher?”

With the slight bit of articulation it had, the maw of the fox opened slightly, a pathetic imitation of a beast bearing its teeth. Kyle’s hackles raised, but a quiet, firm, “Kyle,” from his side quieted the man, Kitty letting out another sigh before looking at Shuuichi.

“...the Spring Slasher is the moniker of a serial killer who primarily operated around Toneido thirty years ago. While it can be assumed that the killer was Charles Essei, given his disappearance and…well, various other evidence, he was never caught. Officially he’s a missing person, and most people assume him to be dead at this point, but…”

Kyle growled softly, and, for those sensitive enough to notice, there was a deep well of grief that ran through him, just for a moment. “Not bloody likely.”

Miyako blinked… blinked… and her eyes started to water. “Eeeh.”

Shuichi, fascinated not only with Kyle’s story, but also the sheer passion that he… expressed?? With it?? Was startled by Miyako’s sudden whimpers, putting the journal aside and starting to bounce her a little, as he coo’d at her, “Oh, Miyako, it’s okay. Are you wet?”

Glancing up at the two of them as he checked her diaper, Shuichi’s cheeks pinked slightly in embarrassment as he said, somewhat defensibly, “Obviously having children does distract from careers plans a little, but my partners have assured me repeatedly that they’d support my endeavors, should I choose to pursue them. Miyako can be a little sensitive to her environment, I apologize if she starts to cry.”

As Shuichi was apologizing for the horrifying reality of currently having an infant– something he was more self-conscious about than either of his partners– the two other children, who had been quietly egging each other on, finally finished coming over. 

“Excuse me~” Kimiko said brightly, her weak, soft voice not hiding her sheer delight as she said, entirely to Kyle, “Miiiister~? Mister Fox! Are you from the puppet theater? Timmy thinks you’re too big to be a puppet~ But he’s never been to the puppet theater!”

Timothy didn't add anything to this observation. Just stood warily behind Kimiko, clearly a little intimidated by the massive, furry ‘fox’.

Kitty smiled kindly, trying to make herself a calm, pleasant pond, as she gently patted Kyle’s back, hoping to soothe her friend as well. “It’s not our place to judge how you want to set up a business. And I know the feeling… Your daughter is adorable, by the way. I’m sure you get it a lot, but congratulations!”

Calming a little, Kyle didn’t get to remain in the mid-zone for long, as he immediately went stiff, looking over at the little girl that approached him. Him. Specifically. Sounding…all too happy. “Uh…no. It’s…laundry day. Dinae have anythin’ else t’ wear.”

“...really?” Timothy asked dryly, while Kimiko squeeeealed.

“This is just something you wear??” She giggled, looking delighted, hopping on the back of her heels a little, wiggling her hips a little before asking, “Can we touch your fur?? Is it real fur? Did you skin many foxes to be a big fox?”

“Kimiko, let’s be polite now.” Shuichi cautioned, patting Miyako on the back as he rested her on his shoulder, while she whimpered in his ear, “Mr. Smith here might not want to answer questions about his outfit, and it’d be unkind to press.”

Timothy, though, squinted at the costume, seemingly disturbingly intrigued as he asked, “Is it?? Fox fur??”

“Uhh…” If it were possible, Kyle would be staring at the kids in wide-eyed shock…and true to form, Kitty was doing absolutely nothing to salvage the situation. The situation being, of course, that he was awful with kids. 

“I…’sspose ya can touch it…” the fox sheepishly mumbled, holding his arm out. “I’s real fur, yea. Dyed since…yanno, no purple foxes goin’ ‘bout. I jus’...bought th’ suit, though, so I cannae tell ye how it was made.”

They’d only ever needed to make minor repairs. Thankfully, the preservation charm held up through a lot. 

Was a bitch to clean, though. 

Shuichi, who knew Kimiko fairly well now, immediately cautioned, “Now, Kimiko, just because he says you can touch doesn’t mea–”

Kimiko, immediately, threw her entire body around the guys arm, burying her face in the fur and squeeeeing in delight as she pet the arm she had latched onto, coo’ing lightly in a sing-song voice, “I am hugging maaaaany fooooxes right now~ Hellooooo many foxes~ your fur is nice and waaaaarm~” She coo’d, before looking brightly at Timothy, “Come feel it, Timmy! He’s like a giant, furry dead teddy-bear!”

Timothy, who did know how to skin small animals and make small items of clothing, though not well, cautiously stepped forward before running his hand on Kyle’s fur, muttering as he did so, “That’s really weird.”

“Timothy.” Shuichi cautioned sharply, laying Miyako down against his arm and fiiiiinally convincing her to take the pacifier as he soothed her, “Mr. Smith has done nothing to invite any rude comments. Now, both of you, thank Mr. Smith for his time and patience and go back to your painting. I do hope that neither of you just put wet paint onto the fur.”

“My hands are clean.” Timothy said defensibly, though he did step back and double check them after the fact, “...well, they’re dry, anyway. Thank you for letting us touch your fur, Mr. Smith.” Timothy said respectfully, bowing.

Kimiko rubbed her face some more against the fur, not letting go yet, though she did say, “Thank youuuuuu Mister Smiiiiith~”

Kyle made a strangled sort of noise as the girl glommed onto his arm, immediately going very, very still. It wasn’t like the fake claws on the paws were all that sharp, or like he’d launch her across the courtyard, but…

…kids were fragile. You had to be careful with them. 

(...he’d gotten hugs before, thank you very much. But…having Georgie pick him up in a twirl, or Kitty pull him in until he finally relaxed… They were both nice, but wholly different from something like this. 

…heh. What a weird kid.)

“I-it’s fine, it is kinda weird…” Kyle trailed off, demurely putting his paws in his lap after the kids let go, giving them an awkward nod at the thanks. This…definitely was better than moping in Kitty’s apartment over the holidays, or trying to make small talk with her literal therapist brother and aggressively skeptical sister. All weirdness both aside and included. 

Kimiko giggled, stood up, and because Timothy had bowed, did a small twirl and then a light curtsey, before taking Timothy’s hand and excitedly leading him back to the painting station. Shuichi sighed as he watched them whisper to each other– Kimiko was a strange little girl, but Timothy was a strange little boy, and Shuichi was grateful the two could enjoy painting and also enjoy giant terrifying real-fur costume people between each other. 

“Sorry for that,” Shuichi said, giving Kyle a more even look, some of the disturbing nature of his appearance eased a bit by that display. “They’re good kids, just a little overly fearless and a little overly curious. Thank you for being patient with them.”

Though, as he said that, with Miyako calmed and soothed, Shuichi picked up the journal again and, putting his hand over his mouth for a moment to collect his thoughts, started jotting down notes again, “The spring slasher, AKA Charles Essei, presumed dead, potentially active in Toneirdo thirty years ago… is he still active? Are the killing still occuring?”

“It’s fine… Cannae blame kids, let ‘lone anyone bein’ curious ‘bout this.” No longer the seat of childish attention, Kyle’s voice was a bit more even, though still recovering. A bit more enthusiastic than the usual curious eyes he garnered. Not a bad experience, though. 

At least they hadn’t tried to take his head off. 

But back to the matter at hand, Kyle was able to temper his frustration down to a soft huff. “There were three deaths in Genbu, seven years ago, that seemed like his handiwork. Bu’ no one ever saw him…bu’ they never solved those murders either. That’s the last lead we had.”

“We try to keep tabs on the case, but…” Kitty shrugged mournfully. “After the initial spree, and then a few scattered cases in the years right after, there’s not much out there about him.”

Giving Shuuichi a soft smile, she continued, “We’re not asking you to solve a decades’ old cold-case. Just…if you hear anything about it, we’d appreciate being notified.”

Shuichi nodded as he jotted down those notes as well. Thirty years ago, seven years ago… perhaps Kyle had a parent, or an older sibling, he had lost to the murders. His anger felt too personal to suggest it was just a sense of justice by itself to anger him so much, but if his voice was any indication, he was too young to have even been alive thirty years ago, and would have been very young seven years. Difficult to remember those days.

“No, no, I didn’t think you were asking me to solve it,” Shuichi said, jotting down more notes before giving them both a calm look, “But the more I know about the case, the more I’d be able to recognize signs of it if I did come across it. Having a name is helpful in itself, but an MO and a region and timeframe would help me if a name isn’t presented. If I hear anything about it? I will of course reach out to you, having a serial killer harboring in Usott would be entirely unacceptable.” Shuichi said, a mildly disgusted look on his face. “Were the victims seemingly entirely random, or is there a pattern I should keep in mind?”

Again, something dark came over Kyle, even with the limitations of his expression, but before Kitty could intervene--though she had made moves to, putting a hand on her friend’s back, and intending to suggest she could give Shuuichi more of a brief for the questions he had--Kyle just shook his head. 

“...he killed children. Mostly unda th’ age of ten. Though…especially some of his later kills, ‘e jus’ disposed of anyone in his way. The MO… Blade attacks, likely from a short knife, though…th’ bodies woul’ be stuffed inta machines t’ hide the evidence. Dun’ mean it ain’t ‘is work if th’ body’s just left t’ rot, though.”

A ragged sigh echoed through the suit and Kitty gave Kyle a pitying look, rubbing the suit’s shoulder.

Shuichi’s eyes glanced over to the kids, before giving the two a grim smile, “Ah, I see. There’s no ‘good’ type of serial killer, but, well… that’s particularly depraved. Thank you for making me aware of it, obviously even outside of being a detective, that’s… something I’d want to be able to recognize, if it was happening in this area. I’m not sure I can actually express to you, how many children within this city area my and my family have some level of either connection or responsibility for. A child serial killer in Usott, if one were to ever exist? Would likely land on one of them by sheer statistical odds.”

“So, again, with that in mind? Thank you for the information. You will be the first to know if I hear anything.”

Well, no, second. 

Maki would be first.

“May I ask, as two people within the business itself, is there any literature you could recommend to me, as someone new to supernatural elements in a practical sense? If I do decide to pursue this,” ‘if’ was laughable, Shuichi was already eager to start, “I still need to continue my school to get my Detective certification, so I can’t start right away. But I’d like to be familiar with the sort of people and issues I might be asked to look into, not to mention familiarizing myself with cures and social expectations. Any literature to educate me you can recommend would be invaluable.” Shuichi said, readying his pen to start writing down any title they offered.

As Shuichi wrote down what they recommended, Timothy and Kimiko were chatting over their paintings, as Kimiko started to sketch Kyle. “Isn’t he amazing? Did you see the claws??” She sighed, sounding serene as she continued, “He smelled like an attic.”

“He’s really creepy.” Timothy said, giving Kimiko a raised eyebrow, “Are the puppets really like that?”

“Yes! Oh, we have to go see a puppet play together soon, Timmy!” Kimiko beamed, “They’re terrifying!”

“...On purpose?”

Kimiko shrugged. Who knew.

“Thank you,” Kitty said softly, as Kyle just nodded. For all of the rhetoric around vengeance and second chances… He knew there was no fixing what had happened. That Charles’ death wouldn’t magically bring all those kids back to life. But Kyle didn’t care about that. The fact of the matter was that even the king admitted that some people were simply too dangerous to live, and Charles Essei was such a person. His death may not bring the dead back, but it would soothe them, and it would prevent further tragedy. 

And if Charles was insistent on coming back? Kyle would spend the rest of his existence beating him back, every time.

The conversation moved on, but Kyle kept quiet as Kitty gave Shuuichi some recommendations--guides detailing how to safely dispose of the general categories of cursed objects, how tos on identifying possession, methods on speaking to the dead--ending by offering Shuuichi their office address; and fancy new telephone number. 

“Of course you could always ask Prince Kokichi if you needed to get ahold of us quickly, but for most needs, you can find us here. If you come up with any other questions about paranormal investigations, we’ll still be happy to help you out, as a comrade in the field.”

Shuichi smiled lightly at that, before bowing his head, “Thank you for not only seeking me out to offer aid on your vacation, but for your patience for both my questions now and potentially in the future. Honestly, everything we’ve discussed has made me more excited in exploring my future career than I’ve felt since I left my last position. I hope if I do pursue this, I can do some good for people… and otherwise.” 

Shuichi was excited. Genuinely. A new challenge, a new chance to use his skills, a new chance to help people (and a new chance to impress his mentor, though he’d have to doctor how he explained it to her). He was excited.

“Now, shall I let Kokichi know you’re trying to see him as well, if you are?” Shuichi asked, raising his head and relaxing, “If not, please enjoy your vacation, and know the Ouma family is at your service if you need anything.”

Their time coming to a close, the odd pair stood up, Kitty helping brush stray grass off the back of Kyle’s suit. “I hope we get to hear about you opening an agency here! It would be super exciting, and your help would really be needed, in a big city like Usott.”

Shrugging a little, Kyle gave Shuuichi a small nod. “The prince made i’ sound like ‘e was askin’ on your behalf, for th’ career things--at least from how you’ve been talking about it. Woul’ like to pass on our greetin’s to ‘im, but other than that… Thanks. Hope you an’ th’ wee ones have a good holiday.”

-

Kaito had really meant to just take a small nap and, like… that’d be it, really. Just snooze peacefully nebulously under a tree, Kokichi warm and comfortable on top of him, Kaito hugging around his waist as he snoozed. 

But while he was doing loads better these days in a lot of ways when he was awake… chronic nightmares was still something his body was working through. It almost an engrained, learned habit to his mind now. A mental scar that would take time before his mind let him rest or gave him more neutral or nicer dreams, not without medication to cotton over his mind.

Kaito was, carefully, walking through a dessert. It wasn’t the kind of deserts Luminary had, rocky landscapes and cracked flatbreads of earth. It was miles and miles and miles of sand, miles deep and rolling without breaks or debris in every horizon, no trees or cliffs or rocks to speak of. Every step he made sunk the sand up to his ankles, his steps slows and labored, and his heart was starting to race grimly, eyes scanning the sand warily.

Kaito had become aware in the middle of the nightmare, as nightmares did. He had no context for this. But he knew that he was being hunted by desert leaches. Sand leaches.

What the hell was a sand leach? Who the fuck knew. Kaito would later realize that was something his shitty brain invented to fuck with him. But he knew they were fast, could basically swim through the sand, and were going to want to cover him up and eat him.

He just had to be careful. If he didn’t accidentally disturb one, then its herd– again, dream logic– wouldn’t be aware he was there, and wouldn’t swarm…

-

Kokichi had been content to just meditate for a bit, keeping watch on the world while Kaito slept, but…he’d never been good at doing nothing. Even promising Dr. Mariah he’d try to set aside some time for being bored, he couldn’t help but fill it. 

Kaito wanted to talk to Nellis again. He had to be asleep to do it. And, well…Kaito had started shifting and clenching a bit, the sort of signs he had during a nightmare so…

Sighing to himself, Kokichi let a gentle bit of intent drift towards Kaito, trying to alert Saint Madison. {I would like to intervene in this nightmare, and give Kai-chan the opportunity to yell at Nellis. I’ll leave if he doesn’t want it.}

Letting his gaze unfocus a little more, Kokichi let himself drift and drift…

Until he found himself in a sand drift.

-

“O-okay, okay, it’s okay, just… just give it a firm pull, Momota.” Kaito said shakily, sitting on his butt and carefully, desperately, keeping his left foot out of the sand as he held it propped against his knee. A massive leach curled around his ankle, latched on but not quite biting into him yet. He knew if he put his leg back in the sand, it’d send a signal out to its herd and then would start biting him, but it couldn’t do that out of the sand. He just had to not slip, get it off, kill it and then be very, very careful getting across this area.

He had his hand wrapped around its body, shuddering in disgust at the feeling of it, murmuring frightened little encouragements to himself as he started to pull at it… 

He stared at Kokichi in confusion, for a moment. His husbands sudden presence baffling… before dream logic prevailed and Kaito just accepted that, yeah, his husband was traveling this desert with him, as Kaito said shakily, “Be careful, babe, I stepped on one right next to where you’re s-standing.”

Kokichi blanched, looking at the giant leech with disgust and horror. “...Hun, no. No, I don’t care about being gentle, you are not dreaming about something like this.”

Shuddering, Kokichi concentrated very hard, and, slowly, the sound of lapping waves started to get louder amid the barren desert. Ugh…bugs. Certainly qualified as a nightmare, but…c’mon. No bug dreams, he was declaring it now. 

Kaito gave Kokichi a confused look, still trying to not pant too hard, trying not to let himself panic… but his breathing evened as the sound of waves suddenly filled the air. Kaito closing his eyes and letting the sound wave over him… and after a moment he could smell it too. The scent of salt water, the sand beneath him feeling less trapping and suffocating. He could feel mud between his toes…

He opened his eyes, and he and Kokichi were on a beach. A large, wooden ship anchored into the ocean ahead, a small rowboat propped onto the sand near them. Behind them a jungle forest, suggesting they were on an island, the sound of birds warbling through the dense forestry. 

He looked at his ankle, the leach gone, not a mark left. Kaito sighed… before turning pointedly to glare at at the sand around Kokichi’s feet, “Hey! Heeeeey. No. Bad vines! Shoo!”

Annoyed, the vines slunk back under the sand. 

Sighing again, Kaito ran a hand through his hair… before giving Kokichi a confused look. “Okay, we’re dreaming, right?”

Kokichi let go of a small breath as he released his influence--though it hadn’t been too difficult. The ocean was never far away in Kaito’s mind. Just with that bit of tugging, his husband was already filling in the gaps with something much more pleasant. 

Chuckling softly at the vines’ retreat, Kokichi looked up and smiled softly at Kaito. “Well, you’re dreaming. I’m still awake, keeping an eye on things…though this is tougher than just sending intent for me. I’ll probably leave if anyone comes by, since it’s hard being in two places at once.”

Lightly stepping through the muddy sand, Kokichi came to Kaito’s side. “...I noticed you having a nightmare. Wanted to give you some relief and…well. It’s not really rest, since I’m keeping you up now, but…given the chance…”

Kokichi gave Kaito an uncertain look. “...would you want to talk to Nellis now?”

Kaito’s brow furrowed. Keeping watch…? Oh! Remembrance! They were nebulously under the maple tree, that’s right…

Kaito rubbed the back of his neck, giving Kokichi a both sheepish and adoring look, “Aw, coming to save me from nightmares again. So long as it’s not giving you another migraine? Thanks babe. That one was setting up to be a rough one. I’ve been swarmed in my dreams before, it gets… intimidating.”

Looking around the beach, Kaito relaxed, taking a deep sigh… before raising an eyebrow at Kokichi. “...really?” Kaito asked, “I mean, I’m okay with it. We are honoring the… well, whatever your past lives count as. But…”

Scratching his chin a little, Kaito gave Kokichi a concerned look, “...Look, I know in a way, I’m still talking to you. I don’t want to hurt you, trying to scold someone else. I was really determined to talk to him during therapy, and I still do want to. But… you can tell me no. Because I know I don’t really understand what this looks like on your end.”

Kokichi shuddered a little, grimacing. “It’s definitely not hurting me, and while I don’t do it often…ugh. I’m glad I did this time; that looked awful. I guess that’s the double-edged sword of having such an amazing imagination.”

Sighing a little, Kokichi trailed his hand down Kaito’s arm. “I want you to be able to get some closure, against someone who had been thoughtless at best, and actively mean to us. I want that.”

“...it’s like being really, really drunk,” he explained after a moment. “So drunk I can’t really control my body, and weird stuff comes out of my mouth. It’s still me…but not quite the me I choose to be. And the metaphor kinda falls apart since who I was in the past is a little more different than me now, but…yanno. It’s kind of like that.”

Kaito frowned. Taking his husband and holding him as he muttered, “You don’t really like being drunk…”

Kissing his temple, Kaito looked him in the eye and said sternly, “If either me or Nellis cross a line, this stops. Neither of us have any sort of right to put your, like, whole sense of being on hold, not for anything. If you want to stop at any point? It stops. Right?”

“It stops,” Kokichi said easily, smiling softly as he cupped his hands over Kaito’s. “Nellis’ memory is only “here” because I bring it up, so he can’t stop me…and I won’t stop myself for your sake. If there’s a last word you wanna get in, we can discuss that, but…I won’t hold out if I want to stop. I promise.”

“Okay~” Kaito grinned, giving him a quick kiss, “I love you Kokichi. Thanks for doing this.”

“I love you too, Kai-chan,” Kokichi smooched back, before stepping back, giving Kaito a small nod to let him know that he was bringing Nellis up. At least a little more warning than the last times. 

And like the last times, Kokichi disappeared for a moment, before Nellis came out from the jungle tree line, giving Kaito a nod of his own. His expression not quite determined or hard, but not quite blank either. Just…accepting of what he assumed would be Kaito’s ire. 

It was the king’s duty to shoulder his people’s pain. Nellis wasn’t exactly out of his depth here. “Kaito.”

Kaito grinned. All teeth. “Your grace!”

Standing up, Kaito gave him a quick bow, before saying cheerfully, “Apologies, the last time we met I was a bit… flustered! Not up to the pleasantries, to put it lightly. But, taking an example from one of my shards… how would you like me to address you, King Nellis?” Kaito asked, clapping his hands together and asking cheerfully, “And, I’m assuming the answer is ‘everything’, but I should still ask: how much do you know about what’s happening right now? Can you remember everything leading up to this point?”

Nellis was used to this duty of a king…but definitely at 21, he hadn’t exactly always taken to it gracefully. Sticking his tongue out a little in distaste, the brunette sighed. “Ideally, not at all, but Nellis is fine, I guess.”

“And I know everything, yeah,” he nodded. “Or, rather, everything that Kokichi knows. And I know that I really should just be taking my lumps here? But I gotta say, this version of your anger is never not going to be freaky as hell. I suppose that works just as well for intimidation, though.”

Having Kaito and Kokichi talk their feelings out before…Nellis felt bad, now, for how he’d handled things. But apologizing straight away would be…like stealing the show from Kaito. He could work through his anger, say what he wanted to…and then Nellis could take his own turn. Maybe it’d be finished there, maybe not, but it’d be a couple steps completed.

“I would never hit my husband, regardless of what weird mask he’s put on,” Kaito said idly, looking between the ship, the jungle, the ship… before deciding on the ship as he grinned at Nellis, “And ya know what? I don’t know if fighting you would be particularly helpful, by this point. The day of? I did want to. But, ya know, anger management, ‘work through your feelings’, don’t hit, destroy, scream at, intimidate… hah…” Kaito sighed, looking a little tired. “Doesn’t matter if the anger is justified or not. Still gotta keep the practices in mind.”

“So!” Kaito said, looking Nellis up and down real quick before saying, “...Cutie! You ever sail before?” He asked, nodding towards the ship. 

“Verbally, I mean,” Nellis waved. But…that was a good thing. If it had been his own life? Sure, he could fight with Kaito. But…any damage that Kokichi took would be damage Kokichi took. And their talk would be cut quite short if Kokichi had to let go of the memory to keep himself from being injured. 

Raising an eyebrow at the pet name--though he supposed he deserved that, from the disjointed ones he’d called Kaito before--Nellis just shook his head and regarded the ship. “No. Going out on Lake Lossax was about as much waterfare as I ever had in life. Was a bit too focused on internal affairs to travel off-continent.” 

“Yeah. Same.” Kaito mused, heading over to the rowboat, “I mean, not too busy running a country. Just have never really sailed before, not on something like that. Come on, help me push the rowboat out into the water. We’ll figure it out.”

Nodding, Nellis trudged over to the rowboat, starting to push it into the water. Though, as he started to get ankle-deep, the boat starting to move without resistance, he couldn’t help the small chuckle that came out of his throat. 

“...though you actually have underground clans in Luminary, I imagine the tropes would be different… You ever hear the phrase, ‘sleeping with the fishes’?”

Kaito raised an eyebrow, “...no?” He said, steadying the rowboat to give Nellis a chance to climb in first, before pulling himself in next. Looking curiously at the oars, before murmuring to himself, “Well, how hard can it be?” As he took an oar in each hand, starting to paddle. “What about it?”

There was only one pair of oars in the small rowboat, and with Kaito choosing to row…well, there wasn’t much for Nellis to do. Just feeling the sway of the waves and pull of Kaito bringing them through it. 

“It’s a trope from crime novels. Dealing with the mob…gangs, yakuza, I believe I heard you and Shuuichi and Maki describe what the Kuzuryuu clan is designated, in your culture… There were a lot of tropes about silencing people, but…” Nellis smirked, his piercing lilac eyes looking at the sea around them. “Asking to talk, going out to sea, or in the middle of a lake… And then tossing a poor fool overboard, to ‘sleep with the fishes’. Also worked with curing concrete around someone’s feet to make them sink.”

“Ooooooh… uh, yeah, I’m not gonna do that to ya.” Kaito chuckled, now enjoying the workout of using the oars. This was good stuff. Hopefully he could steer it towards the ship. Probably right? Dream logic, even if he didn’t entirely know what he was doing.

(Besides, it felt like he knew what he was doing anyway.)

“I mean, we don’t really have the wetlands or anything for stuff like that. Like, if you really wanted to drown someone? It’d be pretty inconvenient no matter how you look at it, and I gotta imagine it’d be pretty quick before someone found you in one of the water reserves.” Kaito mused, squinting as he said, “Though, those are pretty deep… but, ew. People drink from there. Gross. No, the threat back home is you don’t want to be buried three feet under. Six feet meaning you’re already dead. Three feet meaning someone left your head out in the desert, and you’re probably not dead yet.” Kaito frowned at that, shaking his head a little, “I don’t know how actually common that is or if it’s a myth, but that’s a brutal way to go.”

“Some serial killer, supervillain shit, to hide a body in the water supply,” Nellis nodded, nose wrinkling a bit at the thought. A massive public health crisis. Too gross even for standard crime tropes, though every culture would likely find their own version. 

Being buried in the desert, for example. 

“Being buried alive is already horrific,” he agreed. “Adding in the sand baking all around you, getting everywhere like what sand already does? A suitably menacing threat.”

“...Kokichi doesn’t like reading crime novels. Nothing that’s set in a similar reality, at least. They just stress him out about real crime.”

“Mmmm…” Katio hummed, before shaking his head, albeit a little reluctantly, “Let’s not… talk about what goes on in Kokichi’s head, okay? My husband is kind of in an ‘altered mental state’ right now… I don’t want you telling me anything he might not have wanted to tell me himself. Besides,” Kaito said, looking up and beaming as he saw they had managed to get to the ship after all, steering them towards the rope ladder hanging from the side, “I’m trying to get to know you right now. Arguably that’s one in the same, but… well, you get what I mean, right?”

Holding onto the rope ladder, Kaito blinked, before looking down at his feet and seeing the rope for the rowboat. “Come here,” He said, taking the rope and making a small loop on it, “Put this over your shoulder and head up, and when you’re up there, there’s a little sort of metal… hook? Is the best word I can think of. On the floor. Wrap the line a few times around it so I can bring up the boat and… oh, actually, I guess we can just leave the rowboat behind. It’s a dream, so it’s not like we’ll need it again.” Kaito realized, shrugging as he tossed the rope back on the ground. “After you.”

“Fair enough,” Nellis shrugged. It was one and the same, to a point…but that point was what Kaito wanted to focus on right then. All the same, he hadn’t said anything Kokichi wouldn’t say himself--he just likely wouldn’t have ever gotten onto the subject of crime novels at all. 

With an amused little look, Nellis took the rope and put the loop over his shoulder, just like Kaito said, before he headed up the ladder. They may not need to bring the rowboat up, but in accordance to dream logic, they could still keep it from drifting away. 

It wasn’t all that long before he made it up to the deck and tied the rope around the hook. He took a look around, tapping his foot on the sturdy wooden boards to hear the pleasant taps. This…was definitely a layered memory object. But he’d had his hunch about this part of Kaito for a while. 

They did need to stop by to say hello to Caleb, one of these days. 

As Kaito’s red hair peeked over the side of the ship, Nellis extended his hand, offering to help Kaito on-board.

“Phew~ Thank you. Tough climb. Shame I can’t count it towards my workout routine today.” Kaito sighed, getting up and stretching his arms out a little. Taking a look around, Kaito glanced over the side of the ship where the rowboat was tied on, before chuckling lightly to himself. A fond joke he couldn’t remember making him think to just re-tie the line to the back of the ship and just hope the boat survived. Maybe use it as a ride, like that wouldn’t be a death sentence.

But, again, dream logic. So… it’d be fine.

Alright… “Follow me. We have to bring up the anchor next.” Kaito heading to the upper level of the deck, indicating to a large, two-person spinning top as he said, “You take that pole, I’ll take this one. We both push until it doesn’t let us push any more, then you hold it while I lock it into place. That’ll bring up the anchor, and free us into the greater sea!”

Taking the pole in hand, Kaito leaned against it, waiting for Nellis to get into place. As he watched, he finally said, “...so… why do you think I’m pissed? Cause you know I’m pissed, right?”

“I shouldn’t be surprised, but you’re really about realism here, huh.” With a sigh, Nellis got into place and started pushing the crank, helping Kaito haul the anchor up. It was unconventional…but was probably for the best. Kaito expressed his anger to the fullest when he was bodily occupied.

And it seemed that they were both aware of the extra purpose of hauling the anchor as Kaito broached the subject. 

“I do,” Nellis said easily. “And it’s for a few reasons, as far as I’m aware. I belittled you, being a ‘mask’ for your husband, to say how much we could never be like you; I got into fights with our friends, and was rude to them; and I dropped the bomb of our reincarnation cycle as an aside, making it difficult to express your anger when we both needed that time to grieve.”

“...did I miss anything?”

“Yeah. You fucking let Kokichi know what should have been one of the most exciting news he’s ever heard in the shittiest, most traumatic way possible.” Kaito said, irritation clear on his face… though it helped endlessly to focus on pushing the anchor wheel, “Kokichi has a literal library in his brain. He has more personal experiences than he could ever know what to do with, and has full access to exploring all of them. That should have been incredible news. Why the hell did you let him know that in such a pointlessly shitty way?”

“That’s what I can’t get over.” Kaito muttered, as the anchor turn stopped, and making sure Nellis had it, ducking down to kick in the lock. “How fucking pointless it was.”

Nellis frowned a bit, but he didn’t sigh, focused on keeping the crank steady. “I do regret it. Finding out our cycle isn’t usually so…explosive. Or sudden. Not quite as mystical as the daydream you explained before, but generally more pleasant. Usually when we’re quite a bit older, too.”

“...I was pissed off,” the king huffed, straightening once Kaito had locked the anchor in place. “We’ve all been struggling with what death and the afterlife look like for the past month, and the greatest authority we had, Temp, just…was content to handwave all the edgecases, because they were edgecases. Despite the fact that literally our entire group is nothing but special cases.”

“Fuckin…always hate mystical elitism…” Nellis groused before making up on his sigh, turning to Kaito with a tired look. “I got on a single-minded track to make someone admit the truth. I was angry and careless, and I hurt us. It was wrong of me…I can admit that.”

Kaito gave Nellis a tired look, before running his palm over his face, wiping away some of the sweat as he said, “Come on, let’s go lower the sails.”

Leading Nellis down the stairs, Kaito pointed to an identical set of rope pulleys that he himself had gone towards, further down the deck of the ship, and said, “It’s simple, just take the end of the line and unwrap it from the hook, no need to untie anything, it’s literally just a wrap. And then pull on the rope pulley until the sails are all the way unfurled. We’re not lined up with the wind yet, so you shouldn’t feel too much resistance.”

Doing what he was saying, showing Nellis, he murmured, “‘Truth’, huh… that’s a heavy way to phrase that. Which ‘truth’ were you looking for?”

Giving Kaito a nod, Nellis headed over to his own set of pulleys, being a bit more careful to not get his hand snapped up in the mechanism. “The fact that not everyone ends up as dust in the wind, as our friend so dramatically demonstrated with your figurines.”

Huffing as he pulled, an old chant playing on his breath, Nellis frowned. “Yes…eventually, everything ends. But the timescale that works on is…unhelpful. Particularly speaking to someone like you, but even for someone like me or Temp. Saying that there isn’t a chance for anomalies, as an absolute…it’s a straight up lie, especially when talking to some anomalies.”

“There is something to keeping perspective to it all, the universe…but you’re genuinely special, Kaito. We are. Preparing for an absolute that doesn’t actually apply to us…it pisses me off, when people talk like that.”

The sails, little by little, unfurled, hanging limpy as the wind blew to the side of them, though with the anchor up and the sails down, the ship was now notably rocking from side to side. Kaito held onto the safety rails, waiting to get his sealegs (back) as he breathed carefully, not wanting to upset his stomach… before he looked up at the helm, and asked Nellis, “Do you wanna drive?”

Nellis had been relatively okay with the bob of a stationary (as stationary as anything was on the ocean) ship, but unanchored and sails ready to catch the wind? Kaito’s laws were solid enough that Nellis had to grip onto the rails tightly, trying not to up and fall over, let alone not stumble.

“...you know, I’m good. Even in a dream, I’d have no clue what to do.”

“Well, at least you’re willing to admit it sometimes.” Kaito said, gaining his sea legs and, with surer steps, heading over to the pulley that would change the direction of the sails themselves. Turning them towards the wind, the sails filled out with air, the ship quickly gaining speed as Kaito hurried to the wheel, adjusting the rudder so that they wouldn’t just start spinning in circles.

Watching the ship go, hearing the rush of wind and the creak of wood, the press of water being shifted beneath them, Kaito grinned… before letting go of the wheel and stepping back from it. Watching it start to turn this way and that on its own, nothing dramatic, but enough that he knew the ships trajectory would be far from straight. But, well… he shrugged at it as he went back downstairs. It didn’t really matter where they went, did it. So long as they didn’t capsize… and it was nothing but oceans for miles, the island quickly disappearing as Kaito went to lean on the safety rail by Nellis, watching the landmass grow rapidly smaller and smaller. 

“...I don’t really know what I’m doing either.” He admitted, “I’ve never sailed before. I guess I’m just making all of this up… wanna go up to the birds nest and watch the view for a bit? Probably the only chance either of us will ever really get.”

Nellis snorted a chuckle, still plastered to the railing. “There’s plenty I don’t know, but when you basically become a ghost whose whole purpose is exposition, it becomes very easy to lean into that.”

Not that he’d acted very unsure in life. People came to him with problems and demands--what was he there for but to solve them? Dithering wasn’t part of that job.

He hadn’t quite gotten his sea legs, but at Kaito’s suggestion, Nellis looked up at the crow’s nest before sighing softly. “If I don’t end up falling off the ladder, I bet it’ll be quite a sight. Lead the way?”

Kaito looked Nellis up and down, before snorting, “I think you’ll be fine. Unless those muscles are all for show.”

It took a minute or four to get up to the crows nest, it was a long ladder. And, huffing and puffing, Kaito was again a bit put out that this wasn’t going to actually count as workout time. He’d be getting so much good exercise right now. Instead he’d have to do more pushups tonight. Ah well. 

But, as Kaito had hoped, the view was worth it. More than worth it, the whole of the ocean, it felt like, layed out beneath them, distant land masses touching in and out of the horizon as the ship passed their view line. Kaito’s heart thumping slightly in excitement as, in the distance, he even saw other sails, signs of a trade route being nearby, large container ships with massive sails that would dwarf his own ship lumbering slowly by. White seagulls chasing the ships, making use of the moving land masses.

“Wow…” Kaito whispered, taking in the sight… before giving Nellis a more relaxed, but still very tired, look, “Temp said… there are no exceptions. And I know he’s old. Older than I can comprehend. You, Temp, Maki even… you guys are so much older than I can comprehend. A real part of me feels stupid to say a ‘millenia’ old, potentially, and a part of me is terrified to find out that’s not an exaggeration. It’s a timescale I don’t know what experiencing would be like…”

“But I was thinking in the infinites, when I found out the truth of the afterlife.” Kaito said softly, “And maybe, a literal patron of death, the expert… could recognize that our ‘specialness’ wasn’t going to equal that. I was still trying to cope with one new reality. Did you really just want me to know the truth?”

Settling into the nest, looking out at the vast expanse of the world…it really was incredible. The kind of sight that made everything small in a good way; the feeling Kokichi had gotten when he looked up at a non-city night sky for the first time. 

(It also spurred some…complicated feelings. Kokichi was far from the first of them to have a difficult relationship with his parent.)

(Abylone had taken the world in her hands as a given, dancing on waves and dunes alike. Nellis had wanted nothing more than a small dark cave to spend out his days in.)

“...it isn’t going to equal infinity,” Nellis softly admitted. “And I’m not so deluded to claim that I did what I did altruistically, if misguided; all for you. But maybe I am deluded enough to think I know you as well as I think.”

“...I wanted you to know the truth…I wanted Alter Ego to know it, and I just wanted Temp to admit it. The kinds of explanations he was giving…has given. It’s not creating a basis of knowledge, and then going more in-depth. It’s giving vague generalizations, and then constantly sweeping the rug out from under people’s legs, never telling them the whole truth, as it applies to them. Never giving someone all or the right information where they have all the pieces, and can figure out what they want the puzzle to be.”

“...it’s keeping someone reacting their whole life, and never letting them plan, or take action. And I hate that.”

Kaito sighed as he dipped his head a bit, the wind blowing through it. He rubbed at his eyes a bit, before giving Nellis a frustrated look, “So, because you know how fucking rough it is to get the rug throw out from under you, and knowing how… frequently that’s happened to us in the last year, you decided to valiantly come rescue us from our ignorance… and it just happened to have been triggered by me asking Kokichi if there was any reason he could think of that would get him to stop being an Ouma? It’s all some noble pursuit of a higher truth, nothing to do with you being butthurt that I could possibly suggest that something besides ruling would be worth it?”

Nellis knew it was the kind of reaction that usually just pissed Kaito off more, but…he couldn’t help it. A chuckle escaped him as he leaned on the railing of the crow’s nest, looking out upon the vast ocean. “There’s nothing noble about it. I’m just a petty bitch.”

“Kokichi had just been taught how to find buried pieces of himself, pieces that aren’t supposed to be dredged up. He was trying so hard to take a real look at himself, wanting to answer you honestly, because…” Nellis snorted, glancing over at Kaito. “People like to talk big game about what they’ll do in high-stakes situations. Hajime and I just talked about it--the idea that you’ll be able to step up and do what’s needed. A god actually making contact with a mortal across planes, and offering a place in a grand plan?”

Nellis huffed. “Like…who the hell knows how they’re actually going to react to something like that? I know you said you didn’t want to hear about what goes on in our head, but…he did tell you this already. His gut-feeling was that there wasn’t anything that could pull him away from Dicea. But he also knew that it was naive to declare that, considering all the bullshit we’ve gone through. If there was a purpose out there that made you give up your whole world…then who’s to say there isn’t something out there like that for us? So…he tried to take a good look at himself. And he found me.”

“The thing that just made it complicated is the fact that Dicea is the thing we gave up our world for,” he sighed.

“He could have just told me that.” Kaito said, giving the horizon a tired look, resting on his elbows, “You could have just…”

Kaito closed his eyes. Rubbing his temple. “...I’m in a bit of a bind. Because… I accused Kokichi of just wanting to shove it in my face, basically, how much… better he is, than I am. And I know that’s wrong, Kokichi’s not cruel… but he does think I’m selfish. And spoiled. And has this impulse to… explain to me why my actions don’t…”

Kaito closed his fist, hitting himself in the forehead a few times as he grit his teeth, “...but Kokichi told me he didn’t do that. And I promised to believe him. And I just… I thought if I talked to you about it, maybe I’d find out it was you. Sure, maybe you as a manifestation of that impulse in him, to put me down, but, like, maybe putting people down is some sort of character trait for you? I don’t know… but the thing is, I almost believe you. That this really was just you being, like, super horny for the truth or whatever. And it’s not like you love me. Hell, you might not even love Kokichi, so it wouldn’t really matter if you hurt us, with the truth. I can’t even hold that against you, really, we’re not anything to you, really… so now I just find myself wanting to complain about it to my husband, which isn’t fair, because I told him I believed him…”

Kaito’s brow suddenly furrowed, shooting Nellis a quick look… before he groaned into his palm, “And, well, shit, now Kokichi heard me say that either way, so… fuck me, I guess. Damn it.”

Nellis raised an eyebrow. “He did tell it to you, when we were in therapy. And he couldn’t have told you when you asked the question, because he didn’t know. And I didn’t tell you, because I was busy making that mistake in the first place, getting incensed at everything for the first time in decades.”

“He doesn’t think you’re spoiled, apart from maybe money habits that you’ve since grown to be better at,” Nellis frowned, “And he does think you’re selfish…but not more than most people are. And he definitely doesn’t think that means you’re stupid, or incapable of seeing others’ perspectives. But…Kokichi didn’t say he didn’t do that. He said he never intended to hurt you, which is true, but that doesn’t change the fact of the matter that you were hurt.”

Nellis sighed, nodding a bit as Kaito realized that Kokichi was hearing all of this anyway. “...what is it that your therapist said before? I feel like I’d just butcher it if I took a shot… But I still have a point. You’re still allowed to be hurt, and be angry at Kokichi, even if Kokichi hadn’t meant to hurt you. You’re allowed to still be angry with me, even after I’ve explained myself. You’re allowed to be angry, even if the situation isn’t what you originally thought it was. Anger is just…an emotion, it doesn’t start or stop because of rules or allowances. You can be angry, talk things out, get apologies…and still be angry. Maybe you just need to be pissed for a while. You don’t need a justification for it, as long as you’re not taking that anger out on other people.”

“Right…” Kaito thumped his head against his bicep, squishing his face a little as he gave Nellis a wary look, “How’d that work out in your life? I heard you had some anger issues yourself. Kokichi as an irritable, asshole teenager, but, like… always.”

Nellis snorted softly, looking out to sea. “Awful. It turns out, being the person responsible for everyone’s well-being is miserable when all you want to do is be alone. Did get killer one-liners, every now and again, though.”

“Yeah, Kokichi kinda wanted to be alone all the time when I first met him too… well, sorta. He thought the world was out to get him. I mean, you know… so, I’m assuming you found your feelings baby and that was it?” Kaito asked, raising an eyebrow, “You didn’t have more family than that? Cause I gotta tell ya, having a large family makes the whole ‘angry lone wolf’ vibe way tougher. Kokichi had to adapt… it wasn’t easy for him. To pull himself out of that mindset. But he did…”

“I stuck around to raise Fuse, of course. I’m no Grimm,” Nellis chuckled. “I’m an asshole, but I wasn’t going to abandon my kid, even if I hated my job. But other than her…nah. Just me.”

Just Nellis. Because everyone else…

Something genuinely mean twisted over the king’s face, bitter words on his tongue…but he took a breath, and it eased away into something distantly soft and proud. “It wasn’t easy. But he did. Not to downplay all of your contributions either.”

Kaito waved his hand dismissively, “Thanks, but I know the role I played in that. Sometimes Kokichi just needs things pointed out to him. After that? He does all the hard work himself.” 

Tapping lightly at the floor with his toes, Kaito gave Nellis a curious look, “That’s one amazing thing about Kokichi, really. He makes it really rewarding to be honest with him. I know that apparently I met him right when he was starting to be willing to listen to people, so I can’t take the credit for jumpstarting anything. I just got to be the one lucky enough that when he was ready to hear the truth, I was the only one currently pointing it out to him. Which really helped build trust between us… you had this look, for a second. Like a frog was trying to escape your mouth, and that frog owed you money. Do you want to talk about it?”

Nellis gave Kaito a side-eye. “...not particularly. I just…”

The king sighed, for a moment looking older. Not just from fatigue, or wisdom, but genuinely older, wrinkles around his eyes and grey streaks in his hair…but just for a moment. Like a flicker of a moving mirror. 

“...I am happy, that this life is happier. That Kokichi is getting the help he needs, and he has people around him that love him and are willing to be some of that help. That you all find worth in each other. For just being a bitter old man…I do like seeing my people happy. It’s what I worked for my entire life.”

“...for a long, long time, there was a magic accord surrounding Dicea,” Nellis said softly, tracing his thumb along with the grain of the wood of the railing. “Psychics got off easy, since what we do isn’t exactly “magic”, but…it had been decided and fought for that this country was only for humans. There were still magic folk around, there isn’t an accord that powerful, but…they couldn’t group up, and it was hard to enter the country, if you weren’t born here. All sorts of peoples had become fairytales. Monsters. Fantasy.”

“They’re not monsters, though. We’re not monsters…freaks.” Nellis had a sort of sardonic grin, knowing the impact of that word in particular, at least for Kokichi. “We’re just…people, trying to live. I didn’t have Fuse’s drive, or my mother’s assurance. But I couldn’t look at people struggling to live and just…do nothing.”

“...maybe it’s telling, that the accords and the wars happened during my soul’s greatest absence from the world. Maybe that doesn’t mean anything at all. We’re different every time, after all.”

“I’m sure it didn’t help. You guys are amazing, I don’t believe there’s a version of Kokichi where that isn’t true.” Kaito said, entirely certain. “If Dicea became weirdly bigoted against magic people? That definitely wasn’t you guys. You’re the Empaths. You’re not so cruel as to keep benefits for yourself that those like you don’t get to enjoy. I believe in you.”

Kaito closed his eyes at that, a brief flash of pain in his expression. Something deep in the water shifting as the boat rocked slightly… before he let out a breath, nodding to himself. The waters evening as he said, “I just have to remember that. Yes, I’m allowed to be angry. I am. But… you guys didn’t do it on purpose, just to hurt me. I have to let that idea go, it’s just not true. You’re not cruel. My husband is amazing, every version of him…”

Standing up straight, Kaito rolled out his shoulders a little before finally saying to Nellis, “Here, let me get a good look at you.”

Kaito started to pick at Nelli’s clothes. Straightening out his collar, adjust his sleeves so they ran down his arms smooth, murmuring to himself as he lightly touched the slicked back side of his hair, “Well, that’s two versions of ‘Kichi now who are determined not to cut their hair evenly.” before taking Nellis’s hands and looking them over. Giving them a critical eye. Then, giving Nellis a pointed look and keeping his movement smooth, unjumpy, he brought up his hand and, lightly, kissed the back of his pinky. 

“Cutie still works,” Kaito decided, taking a step back from Nellis, giving him a grin, “Well, I’ll admit, I yelled at you a lot less than maybe I would have wanted to. But, ya know… therapy. Also, it helped to get to know you a bit. You’re kinda a moody, self-important dick, but no more than ‘Kichi can be in some of his more grumpy days. Otherwise you’re compassionate and hardworking and pretty fucking cute… do me a favor, would you?”

Letting go of Nellis’ hands, he said, “Make this up to ‘Kichi, would you. Do some fucking self-love. Maybe… send him a really nice or fun memory as a dream tonight or something? Kokichi… wanted to travel. He wanted to know more about the world, and, unfortunately… that’s not something I can actually give him. But you lived a whole life! Even a shut-in like you must have gone somewhere.” Kaito grinned, “Show him something. He’ll get a kick out of it.” 

That was the idea of it…but then again, Fuse had very likely been the one to start the accords, and yet she had been the one to end them. Well…most of them. They kept questioning why the Flora hadn’t tried to invade Dicea, and even if it had only been the last better part of a century…he had a hunch Dicea was still protected, when it came to the people who weren’t just trying to live their lives. 

“He’s not cruel…but he can act cruelly, sometimes. And you’re allowed to be mad about that.” 

Still, Nellis straightened, humoring Kaito’s request. Though…he couldn’t keep the slight embarrassed discomfort off his face, especially at the pinky kiss. It was…strange, being treated so gently, even if he was used to it constantly, through Kokichi’s life.

He had thanked Kaito before for loving him this time. And however bitter he was…what Nellis said before was true. He was happy that this time…Kokichi had found people that loved him. That he wasn’t abandoned. 

Nellis snorted softly. “I can’t ‘send’ or ‘do’ anything like that…but I, as Kokichi, will take a look for a nice memory. In that vein, though…the part of him that’s Koharu was really happy with what you two did for her sister today. Not today, since you’ve already been sleeping for a while, but sometime soon I know she wants to talk with you. Have her turn, as you might say.”

“Thanks for the heads up. Who am I to deny a request from my spouse?” Kaito said, fixing Nellis’ hair a little more– his endless battle with Kokichi’s hair grooming habits sparking up again– before finally backing up properly this time. “... you don’t have to say it back. I know it’s weird. But… love ya Nellis. Thanks for chatting with me.”

“...alright, ‘Kichi. You can put the mask down now.”

Nellis nodded, before looking everywhere but Kaito, his mouth twisting oddly. “...you’re a good person, Kaito. I. Erm. Love you.”

With that--and Kaito’s assurance--Nellis disappeared, and there was a little sound of exclamation right below the crow’s nest, before Kokichi’s head popped up, looking up from the ladder. “Oh this is not like walking in from a room!”

Kaito immediately chuckled, quickly bending down to grasp Kokichi below his armpits, hauling him up, “Babe, why would you do that to yourself? You’ve already climbed up that ladder once already, was that not enough mental exercise?”

And, having Kokichi in his arms anyway, Kaito placed a few kisses against him, taking a moment to enjoy the feeling of him, familiar, in his arms… before sighing as he rested his forehead against Kokichi’s. “How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

“Thankfully, Nellis doesn’t believe in dream logic as much as I do…but I’m definitely not climbing back down that ladder.” 

Smiling at the kisses, Kokichi put his arms around Kaito, sneaking in a few kisses of his own. “Mmm…love you. And…I’m okay. I think I might need a sec to recenter myself…and I’ve definitely fallen asleep on you now, but I’m okay.”

“...I’m sorry.” His expression softened, and Kokichi bumped his nose against Kaito’s. “I hate hurting you…”