“Well, can we try a story where you weren’t just there in concept?” Miss Crystal asked, “Remember, I started this session trying to determine if your wellbeing only mattered to you in terms of how it affected Lauriam. You almost had me convinced it didn’t! We’re losing ground. Tell me about a time it was you.”

Marluxia stuck his tongue out. “You asked about the time we turned into a monster, and I told you. My wellbeing always matters, it just so happens that my wellbeing is always tied to La-La’s too.”

Tsking out a sigh, Marluxia tried to think of any time he didn’t like what he did with his emotions. “...got close to beating up on two of my little siblings, once. I’d just had a punishment and I was pissed off and drugged up to all the hells. I just wanted to blow off some steam so I was asking them about where, like, people I could actually spar with were, but, obviously, they were worried about me and focused more on that than answering me, so I got more pissed. One of my little sisters noticed and worked her damn magic before I could really blow up at them.” He sighed and lidded his eyes. “Feels kind of natural that these days she’s decided to be the one keeping an eye on me and Lauriam to make sure we don’t seize and die.”

Another shrug. “My uncle went through something that made it seem like he was dying. Freaked us all out. La-La and I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and by that evening he started getting super mucky. I’d heard the stories about him going monster mode, so I was like, fuck no, if we’re gonna be upset, let’s take it away from the people who’ll be in the blast radius, right?”

Marluxia’s eyes lidded more, a sort of fatigued grimness coming over him as his voice softened. “...like a fucking genius, I managed to walk right into a place with damn bad memories, and I just…wanted the fucking world to die. Fuck it, game over, just destroy everything. And then everyone in like a block or too shared that sentiment too. Punched a wall a bit, La-La took over to keep me from smashing my head into it too. Dumb.”

“There we go, see? I knew we could get you to talk about something you’ve gone through! It only took, what… thirty minutes of needling? You know what, that’s not bad, I’ve had worse.” Miss Crystal laughed, placing the back of her hand against her mouth as she chortled, before sighing, “I know it might feel the most ‘inane’ to you, because you didn’t end up actually doing anything and your ability to turn into a monster or destroy things were taken away from you before it could happen… but wanting to lash out at your family because they were preventing you from lashing out at someone else is probably the most helpful story you’ve told so far, in terms of your mental health. It’s a quiet, human moment. Where you just weren’t at your best self, and your coping mechanisms had fallen through, likely due to being inebriated on the drugs.”

“Everything else you’ve mentioned? Is about Lauriam, and you reacting to whatever he’s doing. Even your moment of, what’s it called, someone’s explained this to me… emotion dome? Is that it? Where the people around you feel your emotions? Even that one was reacting to Lauriam’s pain. In almost every respect, you’re someone helpless to the emotional whims and wellbeing of someone else. And since that someone is outside of your personal control? There’s nothing you can do to help yourself, so long as that remains the case.”

“It’s partly why I was concerned about how to discuss this in terms of you being another personality in Lauriam’s mind,” Miss Crystal said, sighing, “I wouldn’t bring this up first session if it didn’t feel important, but the sheer fact that there is no separation possible is what leads me to be so blunt about it: in any other context? Your relationship with Lauriam would be an abusive one. And he would be your abuser.”

Ah, bingo. She did know. 

Though Marluxia could only scoff. “Uh, no, I domed off my own shit. All Lauriam wanted to do was sleep, which, yeah, I usually hate, but I wasn’t upset because he was upset. I was upset, because it felt like my uncle died, and I skipped off to one of the worst places on the planet.”

From that standoffishness, though, Marluxia suddenly went stony. His eyes widening as he sat up, fists balling at his sides. 

“He is not!”

Marluxia snarled at Miss Crystal. “He didn’t make me to be something to beat down! He didn’t make me to be something to treat poorly! And I am not helpless to him! He made me to be the best! To win! And I always do!”

{Mars…?} a groggy, concerned feeling whispered, {Are you okay?}

“SHUT UP!” Marluxia snapped, “Go back to sleep!”

“...?” Miss Crystal glanced around, in case she was missing something, before looking back at him, “Me?”

“No,” Marluxia scoffed. “Were you just sleeping?”

“Why do you think I’m confused! Who are we talking to? Lauriam, are you here?” Miss Crystal sighed, “I really hope I don’t actually have to have a conversation with you both that him listening in to your therapy session is also not great, yes?”

Marluxia glared spitefully at her. “No, he’s a goodie-two-shoes--he knows that this is a solo thing for me. Just, oh, I don’t knoooow~ Something about the fact I mentioned that we can feel what the other is feeling? Sleeping Beauty was checking up on me, and I told him to fuck off again. The fact that he had to ask means he’s definitely not listening in, as if he could without me knowing.”

“Well, good. Because right now, he’s not my favorite person,” Miss Crystal said plainly, before putting up her hand in a ‘one moment’ motion, as she explained, “Which doesn’t mean that he’s in the wrong, or that you aren’t correct. He might not have made you to harm you, and doesn’t intend to, and perhaps isn’t responsible for how he’s affected you. There is some agency you have to how you react to the things he does and the way he feels. He’s no more responsible for your feelings as you are his.”

“But in practice. You are baring a lot of the weight and consequences to his feelings, to the point where it’s difficult for you to even perceive of your life without filtering it through the lens of ‘this is how Lauriam was feeling’.” Miss Crystal said, “And since how Lauriam is feeling seems to result in you sometimes physically changing? Or causes you to feel the need to run away from others for their protection. Or makes it a ‘mistake’ when you see something that upsets him, and causes you to need to do damage control again and again… so far your only example of you losing your temper was when you were literally drugged. Being in a relationship where you have to constantly manage the other person’s anger to not be harmed is, in a purely practical, physical way, abusive. And we need to look into that, so that we can look for methods of alleviating some of that stress and pain. For you.”

Marluxia had pointed some of that stuff out before as his grievances. Not because he wanted to heap blame on Lauriam, or just take out his anger at him. He just wanted people to acknowledge that he was putting in work to manage Lauriam, and that that work was hard. He wanted a fucking thank you, and to not always be sighed at like he was the problem and was overdramatic and overly aggressive. That was it. 

The role of the Nobody was to support their Somebody. And Marluxia did…but not because it was his role. Lauriam had always hated that idea, the rules and attitudes that the Old Guard persisted in. Marluxia had to condition, yes, he had to take their punishments, but Lauriam had done whatever he could to make those as easy as possible on Marluxia, even when some of his ideas for it turned out badly. 

When Marluxia was a joke, something to roll eyes at, to sigh at, to say, ‘oh that’s Mars’ to their whole fucking family, Lauriam was the only one to ALWAYS, without exception, always believe in him. 

Lauriam wanted to throw his life away to give Marluxia a full one. 

Marluxia seethed at the woman in front of him before scoffing and standing up. “This is a waste of time.” And he stomped out of the office.

Miss Crystal watched Marluxia storm out. Hearing her receptionist give a squawk of alarm at Sudden Person appearing as he raced past him. As a therapist, especially in a first session, her job was essentially done once he walked out. After all, you couldn’t force someone to heal, and perhaps walking out was a sign of needing space anyway.

…but Miss Crystal wasn’t phased by walkouts, and absentmindedly grabbing some stones on her way out, she half-jogged to keep up with Marluxia. Glad she had decided to wear her running shoes today, rather than kitten heels.

Aeleus raised an eyebrow as Marluxia stormed past, and gave Miss Crystal a considering look as he rose to join Marluxia. Asking if his nephew needed help, though, he only received a flipped bird in return. 

“If you need it spelled out for you, f-u-c-k-o-f-f!” Marluxia growled without turning around.

Miss Crystal didn’t respond to that. She just kept pace, a bit behind him.

Marluxia was hardly paying attention to his surroundings, just vaguely heading back to the castle. Something about this felt too familiar. 

He didn’t even acknowledge the pace of his heart before whipping around. “Go. Awa--”

The wince had hardly shown up on Marluxia’s face before Aeleus steadied his shoulders. The dry disapproval on his face saying everything it needed to--that Marluxia was still recovering from extremely traumatic injuries, and while going out at all was probably pushing the edge of what were stretches for recovery, heavily stomping across the city and moving erratically definitely weren’t helpful.

“Doctor,” Aeleus said softly, “I can’t claim to know much about therapy. But we’re not people who are very comfortable with being followed, even obviously.”

Looking around for a moment, Aeleus pulled them over--just by guiding Marluxia--near a bench, though he didn’t urge Marluxia to sit down. Instead, he nudged Marluxia into leaning over his knees, steadying him as he encouraged his nephew to take deep breaths instead of the unsteady, short puffs he’d fallen into. 

“I understand,” Miss Crystal said, smiling a touch sadly as she watched him help Marluxia sit, helping to ease what was likely borderline a panic attack, “But I couldn’t let it seem like I was fine with him leaving, either. Marluxia, if you decide not to have any more sessions with me, that’s fine. I can’t make you and I won’t. But I want you to make that decision knowing that I wanted you here. And that I still want that.”

“But, at this point, I should let family intervene.” Miss Crystal sighed, taking a step back, giving Aeleus a nod, “If you ever want another session, Marluxia? Send us a message. We’ll get you into the earliest slot.”

“Who gives a fuck what you want,” Marluxia spat, venom in his voice.

…? Aeleus gave Miss Crystal a side-eye at that, drawing himself up more between Marluxia and the therapist without leaving Marluxia’s side. It wasn’t a tone that Marluxia hadn’t thrown to their family before, and even the fact that he’d tried to leave wasn’t exactly a sign that Miss Crystal was a dangerous person… But all those things didn’t exactly paint her as a safe one. 

They’d lived their lives around people that ‘wanted them there’. Who tracked them down. 

Aeleus gave Miss Crystal a short nod and warily watched her leave as he timed his hand stroking up and down Marluxia’s back to the rhythm of his breaths.

{Is she dangerous? I believe we can ensure she can’t contact you again.}

{❀눈m눈 Not like that, she’s just a fucking quack. The chick Lauriam’s seeing didn’t seem bad, but if she recommended this loser? We should keep an eye on things.}

“I see…” Aeleus frowned in concern. “...Marluxia, are you alright?”

Marluxia felt disgust tangle up in his chest. “...I just wanna go back to the castle.”

“...alright. I’ll get you a warm compress for your neck. You two really do need more rest to heal.”

“Whatever…”

-

Lauriam had been fitfully trying to get back to sleep on the clover patch, when he gasped as something heavy collided with him. Or someone. From that first flash of anger, it had been hard to just ignore the fury and hurt in their mind and just…go back to sleep. But he’d tried. If Marluxia was going to have help--for…whatever he wanted help with, Lauriam guessed--then Lauriam was going to stay in his lane and not ruin it. 

But feeling Marluxia wrap his arms tightly around him, Lauriam wished he’d gotten some sort of clue what had happened. 

“Marluxia?”

“Shaddup,” Marluxia grumbled, squeezing Lauriam tighter, before he turned his head to start aggressively nuzzling into Lauriam’s neck. 

Lauriam raised his eyebrows at the affection and tried to wriggle his arms out of Marluxia’s hold. To no avail. Honestly, the vice grip was starting to…hurt, and--

“Mars, stop!” Lauriam gasped, craning his head away from the kisses he’d felt along his neck. “What happened? I know therapy’s not exactly easy, but--”

“Shut. Up,” Marluxia growled, his words clipped. And that did shut Lauriam up, if only because his expression fell more in concern by the deathly soft words that followed. “I just want to be with you right now.”

“...okay,” Lauriam said, voice softening in response. “But let my arms out?”

Marluxia begrudgingly did, but just because Lauriam hugged him as soon as they were free. 

It was Aeleus who gave Xaldin and Dilan a heads up that Marluxia had had a tough day. The two decided to lay down for a bit and go check on him, heading through the door to Lauriam and Marluxia’s world.

“I dunno. Seems alright to me,” Xaldin said, walking towards the clinging couple, “What was happening?”

“He said he was upset, just… Marluxia?” Dilan called, giving the two a heads up they were arriving, “Aeleus sent us a message. Are you alright?”

Lauriam peeked up, giving Xaldin and Dilan a weak smile as they walked up…though he notably didn’t let go of Marluxia. He drew the line at Marluxia trying to make out with him while he was obviously upset, but he wasn’t about to deny his Nobody other forms of comfort. 

Marluxia peeked up too…but just a slightly reddened eye. He hadn’t been crying, but the heavy emotions were enough to almost get him there. And seeing his boyfriends, he huffed something rough into Lauriam’s collarbone. “Therapy’s a sham. Apparently there was some sort of demon trial for healers here years ago? I think they need another one.”

“Ah, fucking knew it.” Xaldin sighed, sitting in the grass beside them, “Ah well. You tried it. No one can say you didn’t give it an honest shot.”

“I’m surprised. Everything everyone’s been saying has made it sound like this would be a helpful experience,” Dilan frowned, sitting on the other side, “Lauriam, how did yours go?”

“I did,” Marluxia huffed, “And I’m not the one out following people like a psycho when they walk away.”

Lauriam frowned more in concern and rocked his knuckles gently into Marluxia’s lower back. “It was fine. I mean, Marluxia was there for most of it too. I don’t really get it, we were just talking, but she said that’s what that kind of therapy was. She pointed out some disorder stuff with me and healers’ visits I should do, but she did get us to unfuse, so… I guess it was helpful. …Marluxia, what happened?”

Marluxia huffed again and squeezed Lauriam painfully tight once more. “Some loser sayin’ shit they don’t know anything about.”

“Well, maybe this one wasn’t the right fit? I’ve heard it can take more then one person…”

“Heard from who?” Xaldin scoffed, “You read it in a book somewhere, don’t pretend like you get what ‘therapy’ is all about, Dilan. I think you’d spend an entire therapy session trying to convince a therapist to say there has never been anything wrong with you, ever.”

“I can admit when I’m wrong,” Dilan frowned, before looking softly down at the garden duo, “I’m sorry it didn’t go well, Marluxia. What did they say?”

Marluxia growled indistinctly for a bit. Lauriam didn’t push for more, though he did gently nudge one of Marluxia’s hands when the hold around him became too tight to bear. 

Marluxia turned his head to bury it in Lauriam’s chest. “...she said Lauriam was abusing me.”

Lauriam felt a cold wash of shock go through him, and he barely noticed as Marluxia’s arms tightened right up again. “...what?”

“...okay, so, yeah. A total quack,” Xaldin frowned, “Abusing you? Where the hell did she get that from?”

“Maybe she thought Lauriam was someone else?” Dilan frowned, “Were you talking about him and Tengan at the same time?”

“Or him and Xigbar?” Dilan gave Xaldin a Look, “What? Am I wrong?”

“No,” Marluxia groaned, turning his head just enough to be more audible. “She said some bullshit about how I deal with La-La’s meltdowns is abusive, and, like, I can’t even conceptualize myself outside of him. And she kept…just…saying everything I’ve been angry about in my life was because La-La was upset, like I can’t just be mad for my own reasons! I shouldn’t even pay some loser like that the time of day but that’s infuriating!”

Lauriam glanced to the side. “...I do make things hard for you. I get us in trouble a lot, and you are the person dealing with the most of me, all the time. But…that’s not abusive, is it?”

Popping up, Marluxia let Lauriam go just to point in his face, baring his teeth. “You are not internalizing that shit, you hear me!?”

“Nah, I wouldn’t call that abusive,” Xaldin said, reaching over to pat Marluxia’s head, “Though don’t you get snippy with him over this either. We’re all on the same side here. No need to be gnashing your teeth at him, Lauriam’s not the one that said it.”

Marluxia shot Xaldin a frustrated look, before he huffed and settled back down on Lauriam’s chest. 

Lauriam gave him a soft look, before continuing to rock his knuckles. “It’s like what you said before, right? I can recognize the things you go out of your way to do for me, and be grateful for it. So I guess I’m just…trying to see the perspective of things that are hard, from what you talked about. I really hope I haven’t treated you badly, at all, but especially to the point someone would think it’s abuse. We’ve all had enough of that from other people.”

“I think it would only be abuse if you were making it hard for Marluxia on purpose,” Dilan mused, “Otherwise, no, of course it’s not abuse. That’s simply not how abuse works. It’s a very intentional sort of sin, the abuse of a loved one.”

“Don’t get started on the ‘sin’ talk, I’m not in the mood,” Xaldin said, “But, yeah. None of us are abusing each other. The lady just didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. You don’t need that sort of thing in your life, forget it.”

It was only abuse if it was on purpose. Then no way that was Lauriam. Lauriam wanted things to be better for people so much that he’d fight the sun thinking he’d incinerate himself to pieces just for a chance of it. And Marluxia was included in that, even if some of Lauriam’s own issues had the unfortunate tie of their body and mind that did make things harder for Marluxia.

“Yeah…” Marluxia sighed, voice going a little pouty as he rested on Lauriam. But it wasn’t long before he made grabby hands at Dilan and Xaldin too. “Who even needs therapy, I’m dealing with shit fine.” He butted his head against Lauriam. “Though if you get shit that helps with not wanting to sleep for a million years, or even dealing with the zombie thing, I’ll take it.”

Lauriam laughed awkwardly. “I think I will still see Dr. Mariah again, but I’ll keep on the lookout for bullcrap. Maybe I’ll ask if you can be there too again--you are better at honing in on that stuff than I am.”

Xaldin chuckled, laying down on his side and putting his arms around the two, while Dilan sat with his hip pressed against Lauriam’s arm, placing his hand gently on Lauriam’s head and lightly scratching his scalp. “Honestly, I don’t even think you’re doing that bad right now. The last thing that happened wasn’t because of anything you two did. You were attacked, the hell kind of coping mechanism thing can a person get that stops people from attacking them?”

“I guess I’d just want to know you both feel safe,” Dilan said gently, “I know it’s been hard, feeling comfortable over there. I really do hope this was just a one-off incident.”

“I just need to walk around fronting more, hone in on the right ‘don’t fuck with me’ vibes,” Marluxia hummed, feeling better surrounded by his boyfriends. “Though people are so fucking weird here I have a feeling that’s not so simple.” Maybe they were cursed. Maybe Lauriam’s weird kiddie magic therapist could give them a curse antidote. 

“Everyone I’ve talked to has been saying it’s a one-off sort of thing,” Lauriam said, though there was clear hesitance in his voice as he tried to glance away. Difficult to do while surrounded on all sides. “Though, I… Had an idea about selling my ‘big negative emotions’ to people like them. Like a stress restaurant. Dr. Mariah said it would be helpful as a more regular food source for her community.”

“Ummmmm???” Dilan gave Lauriam a disturbed look, “What?”

“For how much?” Xaldin asked.

“No, no, that is not the most urgent question there,” Dilan sputtered, “You want to feed yourself to the people who hurt you!? Absolutely not! You’re not some meal monsters get to eat for a copper a piece!”

“He’s selling emotions, Dilan, relax. Lauriam isn’t stupid, if this is something he’s considering? Then it’s not like he’s cutting fingers off one by one. He’s just feelings things around people… right?” Xaldin asked.

“We still need to figure out prices around here. We likely can’t do too much, considering how cheap regular food is, which is a bummer, but it’s also not like we’d need to make a living off it,” Marluxia grumbled into Lauriam’s chest. “Gotta plan out the rules and safety precautions ‘n shit too.”

Lauriam gave Dilan a small, sheepish smile. “I think they’re technically eating my energy? Which would explain why I felt so sick and exhausted, even aside from my injuries. But other jobs take energy to do too, and I have a lot of emotions. I, uh… Dr. Mariah said that Mouse and the others specifically targeted me because of that. So if I’m already turning heads as a meal, that probably means it’d be worth it for people to come and pay.”

“I still don’t like it. Making people pay to harm you doesn’t negate the harm,” Dilan said, brushing his fingers nervously through Lauriam’s hair, “And those people are not your responsibility.”

“Being a bit worn down isn’t harm, and honestly, it might be good to have people there who consider Lauriam and Marluxia, like, essential.” Xaldin argued, “It’s not just a few coin here and there, it’s allies. Right? If anyone else came to fuck with them? They’d have a bunch of people automatically in their corner.”

“I’m gonna feel bad sometimes anyway. It’d be like food going to waste,” Lauriam grumbled, even as he tilted his head into Dilan’s fingers. “...they might not be my responsibility, but they were starving, Dilan. If I can help, and in a way that helps me too? Then I want to do it.”

Marluxia let out a slow breath onto Lauriam’s chest. “...we have our family, Linnea and Ira and their group, the royal family’s willing to bat for us, heard Axel made some friend out in town. Against…the whole fucking world. But at their shitty word, even the group that did try to capture us were only planning on it for like a day. If we set up a business, make all the rules? We have the power to craft the narrative there. And if we’re people that community relies on, and it doesn’t cross their minds to lock us up themselves? Then they won’t let their food be taken away without a fight. Not exactly allies, but people willing to make a scene, which might be just as good.”

Lauriam closed his eyes as Dilan continued to brush his fingers through his hair. He had no clue how Dilan always managed to do it without getting his fingers stuck like Lauriam always did. “...they’re not like Empaths, exactly. But Dr. Mariah said that they can pull people’s fears up to the forefront of their minds. That could be a powerful distraction, if we needed one. Even a second more to escape a bad situation can make all the difference.”

“I’m hearing the benefits, I just… don’t love the idea of you being consumed, that’s all. I think I’d feel the same way hearing you were letting people eat your hair or some nonsense like that.” Dilan sighed, “Just… if you’re going to do it, be safe. Above all else. I’ll worry regardless, but I’ll worry less if you can tell me you’d pick your safety over any of the things you just mentioned.”

“Are you kidding?” Lauriam wheezed, “My best ideas so far is having a rage out in a room none of them can access while they just hang out. Depending on how much range is a factor, which I think there’s wiggle room, no one’s going to get close enough to touch me, and if I can swing it, I don’t even want them to see me while I’m in my emotions.”

“We’ll be safe,” Marluxia soothed. “This is an idea for a little more stability in our lives, not less. Like I said, we’re not hurting for money, but having a little extra, having our own place, doing something productive with our time? I said it earlier, when I was taking that shit seriously--I want to get to a place where we’re not constantly between a hospital bed and hiding under our own bed. Normal, safe lives. That’s the goal.”

“Ugh. Perhaps we’ll get there someday.” Dilan sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“Of course we will. We’re already on the way for it. We’re just still getting our footing after being free. We’ll figure this shit out,” Xaldin insisted, “It’ll be even easier once we’re all together again. But for now? Just one step at a time. We’ll figure it out.”

They’d figure it out. And they didn’t need any shitty, know-nothing brain doctors to tell them dribble to do it. 

“What about you guys?” Lauriam asked. “Manage a day without anything too crazy?”

“Nah, nothing crazy. Well…” Xaldin shrugged tiredly, “We’re still prepping Luis for rehab. So that’s, ya know… just another one step at a time thing.”

“Ienzo and Demyx went to visit the orphanage Ienzo spent time in,” Dilan said, “They’ll probably tell you more about it themselves, but they came back with a bag full of small old toys? They seemed happy with themselves, though, I have to imagine if the children wanted those things, they would have brought them.”

“Who knows what it was like when they left that place. Maybe there wasn’t time or space.” Xaldin said, “Anyway, someone might appreciate it.”

Both the Garden Duo nodded somberly at the expected update on Luis. Lauriam hadn’t actually gotten any advice from Dr. Mariah that he could pass along to Luis, so…they just had to do what they’d already been doing. Trying to be supportive for what their uncle was trying to do.

Though, hearing about the adventure Ienzo and Demyx went on…

Marluxia smirked and turned his head towards Dilan. “You’re just pouty they didn’t leave treasure to sit long enough for the sand to bury the orphanage and be something cool for future grave diggers to discover, you freak. How dare they try to give things to the living.”

“It would have been valuable information for future historian’s to stumble upon,” Dilan huffed, leaning over to lightly ruffle Marluxia’s bangs, “I think it’s sweet they wanted to do something. But also, Ienzo managed to hurt his shoulder doing it, and Demyx made it sound like we were pretty close to having two emotional meltdowns today. Things aren’t that difficult right now, I wish they’d just let themselves relax and enjoy the quiet.”

Marluxia could only snicker, delighted he’d hit the nail head on. 

Though, Lauriam winced lightly. “Yikes… I really hope we never see what that sort of meltdown from Ienzo looks like. Though…” Lauriam skeptically glanced between Dilan and Xaldin. “The quiet? Hasn’t he been stress vomiting whenever he has to go to court every few days?”

“And he’s still tutoring Ven under the queen’s eye, too,” Marluxia added, “Which isn’t exactly my definition of relaxing.”

“Yeah, yeah, in comparison, fine. Can we at least say ‘in comparison’ things have been quiet?” Xaldin huffed, “I get it, things are still shitty. But we’re in the calm of the storm. And hell, at least there’s something familiar and reliable in this type of shittiness. Like, we know he’s vomiting because of the court procedures. So at least we’re not worried he ate some poisonous flower or something.”

“That’s a weird example,” Dilan said idly.

“It was just me coming up with something weird and unexpected to deal with. The fuck does everyone need to ‘well, actually’ me for? Sheesh,” Xaldin huffed, “Nevermind then, shit fucking sucks.”

“He better not eat poisonous flowers,” Marluxia grumbled, “I’ve spent literal years warding the Dork Brigade off plants that’ll give ‘em rashes and indigestion and all that shit. If ‘Enzy can’t keep that in his brain, he doesn’t get to say a single word over four syllables again.”

“And it all does suck,” he sighed dreamily, cuddling into Xaldin’s arms, before he nodded into Lauriam’s chest. “Can you believe this guy? Won’t even give some ‘shit sucks’ tongue.”

Lauriam rolled his eyes.

“What on earth does that even mean?” Dilan frowned, giving Marluxia a bewildered look, “Is he meant to be making out with the concept of shittiness?”

“Lauriam probably didn’t kiss Marluxia.” Xaldin guessed, “Tell me I guessed it in one.”

Lauriam huffed, eyes lidding. “I’m not going to make out with you when you’re upset. Maybe it’s comforting, but it feels bad to me.”

“I’m wounded beyond belief,” Marluxia moaned, though he affectionately nuzzled Lauriam’s chest.

“I don’t think I like that idea either, really.” Dilan admitted.

“I dunno, sounds like a good stress reliever to me. I guess just let a guy know first it’s happening, maybe? Eh, I don’t think I’d care either way.” Xaldin said.

“I feel like you would in the actual moment. A fun ‘idea’, but hard in practice.” Dilan said, “Though, at least today wasn’t terrible, yes? A hurt shoulder, walking out of some doctors office… it could have been worse. No one transformed into anything.”

“Technically, we had someone transform out of something. Shame, Mauriam was cute.” Xaldin sighed.

Lauriam and Marluxia exchanged a glance for a moment. And after a moment, there was a blink of pink light, before Mariam smirked up at Xaldin and gave him a wink. “Didn’t bother saying that before, hm? Tease.”

“Oh shit!” Xaldin sputtered, flinching backwards, “Uh??? Oh fuck I broke him again.”

“Oh, fascinating,” Dilan gasped, able to recognize that was definitely on purpose, as he gave Mauriam a curious look, “Have you been able to do that this whole time?”

“Pfffff,” Mariam broke out into some small laughs, though he gave Xaldin a softer look and reached out to pat his boyfriend’s arm. As he turned to look back at Dilan, he shrugged lightly. “I wasn’t really sure it’d work, but ever since I unfused yesterday, I mean, I can tell what this feels like now, just like stopping my projection. Xaldin just gave me too good of a set-up not to try.”

“And would you look at that!” Mariam hummed, twirling some of his hair between his fingers to inspect it. “Totally worked. Not half bad, huh.”

“Ienzo’s going to shit bricks,” Xaldin said plainly, sitting up to look over Mauriam, “Well, shit… I guess it’s a good thing if you can pop in and out of it? At least you’re not stuck?”

“What does it feel like?” Dilan asked, “Does it feel different at all, from being both of you separately?”

Mariam flashed a self-satisfied grin as he scooted back to be able to look at both Xaldin and Dilan without giving himself whiplash. “Hm, might not be some crazy Empath hack to solve world peace, but giving the little dork some new discovery to drool over might be just what the healer ordered while he’s resting his shoulder.”

“It’s…” Mariam paused, tilting his head, “It is different. Like I said before, sometimes it’s really frustrating when there are totally different things I wanna say, because then I just can’t say anything, ‘cause everything feels wrong. And I feel…”

He huffed and reached back to rub the back of his neck. “This feels weird to say considering the sorts of brain doctor conversations we’ve been having, but I feel…steadier. Things don’t feel as annoying, or overwhelming. Not exactly like I’m happier, but just steadier. It’s kinda nice, now that I know I’m not stuck like this and people aren’t going around looking at me like I’m dead.”

Dilan and Xaldin both frowned, glancing warily at each other… 

“I guess that’s good,” Xaldin said non-committedly, looking away, “I mean, it’s still both of you. If it feels better? Maybe it’s for the best you hang out as Mauriam more.”

“We could get used to it,” Dilan agreed uncertainly, “It’s not like we’ve lost either of you in the process…”

Mariam looked between them…before pouting. 

There was another blink of pink light, before Lauriam was cupping Xaldin’s face to turn it forward again, lightly glaring at him as he pressed their foreheads together. “Don’t do that.”

“Oi!!” Marluxia barked, flipping Dilan off as he got in his space, “Remind me, Lecture Hall, where the hell we said it felt better!”

“Ey, come on now,” Xaldin said, giving Lauriam a half-amused, half-irritated look, “The hell, I was just trying to be supportive. Chill, Dandelion.”

“Like you wouldn’t miss me, if I was suddenly replaced with some more stable version of myself.” Dilan pouted, pulling Marluxia in a hug, “I’m just trying to understand, don’t get cross with me.”

“I don’t want you to offer support if it makes you feel awful,” Lauriam huffed. “And while it’s steadier sometimes? Marluxia and I disagree on too much, and that feels twice as awful while we’re together.”

“Then we’re in agreement,” Marluxia sniffed, though there was something distinctly pleased about him as he got his hug, “For reasons unknown, I love you in all your batshit ways~ More stability would just be creepy in an un-fun way, as opposed to your fun creepy ways.”

He paused for a moment. “...being fused would make the whole sharing a body thing easier sometimes, though. Like, for not having to choose who gets to experience things directly. So we might use it for that sometimes.”

“Why am I batshit? I think I’m quite stable already.”

“Uh huh,” Xaldin said dryly, wrapping his arms around Lauriam’s waist, “And look, if it’s for other people? Sure, be Mauriam, the hell do I care? But yea, I’d miss you both.”

“I’d like to think Marluxia and I are in agreement for a lot, when it comes to you two, but there’s still a lot that’s just us.” Lauriam smiled softly before he pressed a small kiss to Xaldin’s cheek. “It’d suck to miss out or struggle through that.”

“Would you look at that,” Marluxia dramatically sighed, giving Dilan a commiserating look, even as he’d slinked his way around into sitting in Dilan’s lap, “After all that, he gets kisses.”

“Odd how that always seems to work out for him,” Dilan pouted, before leaning in to give Marluxia a kiss, “There. Better?”

Marluxia didn’t even dignify that with a verbal response, simply pressing in to kiss Dilan deeply as small pink flowers bloomed up through the clover around them.

-

Marluxia and Lauriam were different people. Just because Marluxia was able to do something didn’t mean that Lauriam could, and that was a fact that Lauriam knew well, and yet? After spending the rest of the day resting, he pulled himself up the next morning and got ready to face the day! Taking the time to crisp his edges and adjust things just-so, straightening his button down shirt and tucking it neatly into grey jeans, making sure his burnt red sweatervest wasn’t bunching around any hem lines.

…spending about half an hour just looking at himself in the mirror, but not seeing anything as he balled and relaxed his fists over and over, trying to hype himself out to go outside. 

It was fine. Marluxia had been just fine going out, even if Miss Crystal had followed him out. She hadn’t hurt him, and she wasn’t some surprise factor. He could do it. He could do it. He could do--

Almost an hour later, Dr. Mariah knocked on his door. “I was informed you needed a house call?”

Shame-faced, Lauriam opened his door to let Dr. Mariah in, his room in much better shape than the last time she entered. There wasn’t a whole lot in disarray in the first place, but now his bed was made and his craft supplies were collected back in their bag.

“Sorry for the inconvenience,” Lauriam apologized, “but thank you for coming over. I did think I’d be able to leave by now, but…” He smiled warily. “Apparently not.”

He paused for a moment before taking a breath. “Marluxia had his appointment yesterday, and in the aftermath we were talking, and we decided to bring up to you that not persistently, but sometimes having him be around during my sessions with you could be helpful. We do have our own things to talk about, but so much of our lives are entwined with each other, so that does make sense, for certain topics.”

“Certainly,” Dr. Mariah said, taking a look around, before gesturing to a chair, “May I sit?”

As she did, she smoothed out her dress, before asking, “What would be the criteria for Marluxia’s involvement?”

“Please,” Lauriam nodded, before taking one of the chairs himself. It had been fine before, but not just sitting on his bed made things feel a little more official. ‘Creating a space’, like when they took their bedding off their pallets to work.

Though, Lauriam looked a little surprised to be asked to go into more detail. “Uh… I guess when I have questions I’d like his input on, is kind of a big one. But I think if we get to a topic that does have to do with both of us, after I talk it through for myself, if he could join for a part two. Sort of.”

Lauriam tilted his head slightly, frowning. “I’m not sure if this is a phrase here? But we’ve spent most of our lives in each other’s pockets. All of our family has, really. It feels shallow, sometimes, to not include his perspective on certain things.”

“Does this mean he will be presently listening, and will speak up when something comes to mind?” Dr. Mariah asked, pulling out her notebook on her lap, adjusting her hair over her shoulder, “Or do you mean to say you’d call for him when you’re looking for input?”

“The latter.” Lauriam smiled sheepishly. “Considering it felt like you called it out to stop last time, he’s hanging out on the island unless I message him. A lot of the time we’re both listening in unless we’re doing something else specifically, but we wanted to give each other space for this sort of thing.”

“...” Dr. Mariah didn’t respond right away, clearly weighing the pros and cons of the request. Briefly, she looked stern, like perhaps she was going to say no… but her expression relaxed, “If that’s how you would like to move forward with this? We can give it a shot. Your situation is a bit unique, as far as therapy goes. Expectations I’d have for two physically separated people, let alone couples, may not naturally translate here. We’ll see.”

“You weren’t able to leave the castle today,” Dr. Mariah segwayed, moving on, “How did that thought process go?”

Honestly there wasn’t a lot Lauriam could do if Marluxia particularly wanted to listen in on something. Marluxia did have the ability to force him down--though that wasn’t something he’d tried since they’d rebalanced--but it took a lot out of him, so for the most part, any time it was purely just one of them interacting in their body, it was out of consideration or pure disinterest.

So it was at least polite to let Dr. Mariah know that it was a factor.

But with pleasantries out of the way?

Lauriam sighed, glancing away. “A lot of telling myself I’d be fine and I could do it, and not believing that. Before Orlette, I went out almost every day and nothing happened. I’d go walk around some of the gardens here, or Marluxia would go scope out different sections of town, and sometimes people said hello as we passed, but for the most part we were left to ourselves. So I know that a usual day means nothing would happen.”

Frowning, Lauriam’s brows scrunched in a bit. “...but I keep thinking about if Orlette sees me, and then she’d know where I’m staying and where the rest of my family is, or just anyone following me around and taking note of what I’m doing, and that freaks me out so bad that trying to leave makes me feel sick and I can’t get myself to do it.”

“...I know that just because it’s happened before doesn’t mean it’ll happen again. And I’m not scared about my family going out and doing things--I’m actually really happy for them.” Lauriam sighed. “But I can’t get myself to do it yet. I still need a few more days.”

“All of this is still relatively fresh. Taking time to recover doesn’t necessarily make an unhealthy habit.” Dr. Mariah said, “But what we must be cautious of is a few days turnings into weeks, and weeks months… you understand what I mean. Phobias can be developed through small habits that were only meant to be temporary coping techniques. And time reinforcing those fears will make it harder for you to overcome them.”

“But, for now? Between the recent scare and your attack, I wouldn’t suggest your reluctance to leave the castle is a true concern yet.” Dr. Mariah said. “Though I would recommend safe, small journeys while you recuperate. Do you find it difficult to move around within the castle itself? Its gardens?”

“Don’t I know that,” Lauriam huffed quietly with a tinge of grim amusement.

Though he gently shook his head--being careful to guide most of his movement with his shoulders. “No, being around the castle is fine. I’ve been in my room mostly for the last few days, but that’s more because…” He gestured to the bandages around his neck, one eyebrow slightly raised as he showed off the very obvious reason. “Honestly I think my family would be happier if I spent more time in bed than I have been, but Marluxia wanted to go out yesterday, and I feel better talking to you like this than in bed.”

With a small smile, he said, “Actually, before my attack, one of the days I tried to go out I spent in the back garden instead. I thought I knew a lot about a lot of plants already, but there are so many in the various gardens around here that I’ve never seen before, it’s been a lot of fun exploring them.”

“That’s a good sign that your fear of going out is likely temporary,” Dr. Mariah nodded approvingly, “Actually, that leads nicely into my next question: how have you been feeling about your choice to move to Dicea? Even outside of leaving your home country, has Dicea and its people suited you so far? Is there anything in particular you’ve found surprising, or are struggling with?”

Lauriam had an answer immediately, a sort of creeped out wariness on his face. “Everything is so cheap here. Healers are free, there are ways to get free food that isn’t rotting and you don’t have to haggle forever for, but even the prices I’ve seen in the market are dirt cheap. I think Marluxia was planning on not telling me the prices of anything he bought when he went shopping one of our first days here, but even with a giant spree it was…almost nothing. And regular people can just…buy houses?! I’ve only looked into it a little, but the process of getting an apartment looks really easy, and it’s totally open to someone like me, to the point where if I saw that process in Luminary, I’d think it was an organ harvesting trap, or somewhere run by the yakuza you’d have to pay protection fees that just aren’t written down anywhere.”

“It’s weird,” he emphasized, before pausing, “and…it makes me feel really silly for worrying about money so much. Axel bought me a gift while we were traveling down, and he and Sora just looked exasperated and confused about why I tried to stop him.” Lauriam’s eyes lowered. “I know fifteen copper isn’t that much in the whole scheme of things, but there were times when that was a lot of money. I felt like it was wasted on me, to get something just for fun.”

“Not actually that uncommon a sentiment from Luminary immigrants,” Dr. Mariah said, “Both the praise and the wince with that praise. You’re a people raised strictly with the belief that nothing is truly given to you freely, so you become more worried when you can’t figure out the immediate costs. And, there is one… but it’s other people working to make that system work who are figuring out that cost. And so long as they do their part correctly, it should never feel obvious to you, as the common person, what a balancing act it all is. That is the purpose of our governing bodies.”

“But even with money, by design, not being a pressing issue in Dicea, many people who move here bring with them anxieties about money regardless. To someone who was raised to firmly believe money is power and protection, not having access to it can feel incredibly vulnerable and upsetting, even if in practice it doesn’t do anything for them anymore. Same, I suspect, with your fear of resources being ‘wasted’ on you, despite there being plenty to go around. The reality of your situation will take time to sink in.”

“But, regardless of the reality, the fact that you worry resources are wasted on you is still a concerning belief to have, even coming from a life where that might have been actually a concern.” Dr. Mariah said, “Let’s talk about that for a bit. Tell me more.” 

Lauriam had seen it in his family, of course, but considering he’d seen it in the Ribata Empaths too, he had more of an idea that it wasn’t just some skewed idea between themselves. Sure, sure, that group meant that it could still be a factory thing, but Lauriam really doubted it. And now, it was confirmed. 

He couldn’t believe just what work the government was doing to make everything so cheap, but…well. If elites were doing something good for once, maybe he could accept that. 

As Dr. Mariah honed in on the same thing Axel, Sora, and even Marluxia had, Lauriam tiredly sighed. “What’s there even to say? When resources are limited, you have to be careful with how you use them. If I don’t need something, but that resource is given to me anyway, that feels like a waste, because it could be given to someone that does need it, or save for when it’d be needed in the future. I know that’s not as much the case now, but why does everyone always act like that’s such a foreign concept?”

“Well, let’s do a thought experiment,” Dr. Mariah said, “What’s something you’ve been given, that you didn’t need?”

“Well…” Lauriam leaned over, getting his embroidery bag and pulling out the piece he’d been working on, the red flames on the black handkerchief almost finished. “What I mentioned, the gift, it’s this beginner’s set of a Dicean embroidery type. It’s just a hobby, and something that takes specific materials, rather than found ones. I don’t need it, there’s plenty of other things I can do to fill my time, and the money used to purchase it could’ve been used for other, more important things.”

Lauriam’s shoulders slumped lightly. “I appreciate that Axel wanted to get me something, but he really didn’t need to. I kind of feel bad that I stopped in front of that shop at all.”

“Understood. Expensive hobbies are, indeed, a luxury,” Dr. Mariah said, “Who is allowed to have it, then?”

Lauriam blinked. “...sorry?”

“Who do you know is allowed to have an expensive hobby?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Who is it not wasted on?”

Lauriam frowned uncomfortably. “I don’t think it’s a matter of being allowed. People can spend money how they want. I’m just not comfortable spending money on things I don’t need, and I feel bad when people do it for me in my stead. Like…it’s like they’re spending it because I’m not, and disregarding I didn’t because I didn’t want to.”

“So you’re burdened by their gifts?” Dr. Mariah asked, “It’s not a leading question. Do you not want these things, and the others are not respecting your wishes?”

Pausing again, Lauriam nodded slowly. “Like I said, I still appreciate it. I’d never tried any sort of proper embroidery before, and it’s fun. And after getting the hang of the starter patterns the kit came with, this is the project I’m making for Axel to thank him for getting it for me. But I didn’t want it. I just thought the pieces the shop had hanging up were pretty.”

“Perhaps Axel bought you these things out of concern that you wouldn’t get one for yourself, even if you did want it… or perhaps it was a gift in the traditional sense,” Dr. Mariah said, “And he purchased it simply for the delight of giving it to you. Could you find any ease in accepting these things, if you knew it brought someone else pleasure?”

Lauriam hesitated. “...I suppose so. Like…making him something as thanks is part of that, I think. He’d be happy about giving me a good gift that I’m using. That feels better than giving a gift that just sits in a drawer somewhere, right?”

“It’s a gift, not a work assignment. He was happy, I would hope, to give you something you liked.” Dr. Mariah said, “Have you ever given up something you needed?”

Yes, and making something would show that Lauriam liked it. Like he explained. Lauriam wouldn’t find much enjoyment just looking at a collection of embroidery supplies and not doing anything with them.

Thinking for a moment, Lauriam tapped lightly on the arm of his chair. “...I don’t know if I’ve ‘given up’ things. Most of what comes to mind are just things that I didn’t have anyway, or things that were taken from me.” He shrugged, trying to give examples. “Before the factory, when I was little, food was pretty scarce, but days I didn’t eat were more out of necessity than because I was giving any food I did have to someone else. Honestly I think sometimes my sister didn’t eat as much to make sure I was. And…well, my freedom, my physical safety, I didn’t have a choice in having those taken from me.”

“Most of the time, it feels like the only things I even had the option to sacrifice for someone else were my time and energy, but I’ve always been happy to give those.” Lauriam smiled lightly. “Sometimes I feel annoyed in the moment, sure, sure, but I do still like spending time with my family.”

“I see… let’s talk about your sister,” Dr. Mariah said, “Tell me more about her.”

Oh boy. 

Lauriam’s eyes lowered slightly as he reached up to fiddle with his necklace. “She’s my only biological sibling, Strelitzia. She was a gardener for one of the elite houses in our hometown. When Hayner, one of the factory supervisors, came to kidnap me, she tried to protect me and they murdered her.”

Even trying to just state the facts, Lauriam felt his eyes start to well with tears. He let out a shaky breath. “...she was the best. My favorite person in the world. And until recently, it always felt like I got her killed.” He shrugged disjointedly. “They only found us because I used my abilities, and only wanted me because I had them.”

Taking an unornamented handkerchief from his pocket, Lauriam hurriedly wiped his eyes. “I know she just wanted to protect me, that it wasn’t my fault. But it still felt that way for a long time.”

“It’s an understandable way to feel,” Dr. Mariah said gently, “Not because it’s ‘true’, necessarily. It’s a common reaction to surviving a deadly situation someone else didn’t. You have a lifetime going over the incident in your mind, working through scenarios that could have saved someone’s life, had you just had time and foresight and years to think of how to react, rather than mere seconds.”

“You said ‘until recently’,” Dr. Mariah pointed out, “What changed your perception on the events?”

Lauriam smiled sadly. “Marluxia finally told someone what happened. Um…” Lauriam let out a puff of air in a sigh. “Alright, I know this is simplifying something crazy that’d be its own thing to get into. But right before we left the factory, two of my sisters got in a fight, and that resulted in one of them…I still don’t exactly know what to call it. Sending almost all the Somebodies to sleep, I guess. And we were stuck like that for months. Trying to get us back, the Nobodies were trying a bunch of different things, and one involved contacting the Reaper and the Boogieman, which they were not happy about, and they had Prince Ouma psychically track the Nobodies down to say what-for, but during that, the situation was explained, and Prince Ouma offered to help find the Somebodies.”

Lauriam took a breath. “While it was Marluxia’s turn to find me, the group helping him ended up unearthing all our memories about Strelitzia, which forced the conversation.” Even if it was one sentence more, Lauriam paused, frowning. “...I’m not really sure why that worked, to be honest. That accepting what happened to our sister was what woke me up and sent Marluxia back to base essence, but it was what happened.”

“...there’s a strange connection, physical pain has with mental pain,” Dr. Mariah said, “We tend to feel a strong desire to link the two, when in truth most of the time, the two should be entirely separate issues.”

“But they never are, because our desire for patterns creates links that otherwise would have never been there. Links with consequences regardless, because of how deeply we believe in them,” Dr. Mariah said, “When something physically terrible has happened to us? Or we are immensely uncomfortable, or in pain? We tend to need to rationalize that unhappiness in, well… broadly speaking, a narrative way. Some call it ‘pattern seeking behavior’, but I prefer to think of it as us making stories out of our own existence. We value stories greatly, and we tend to value our own lives more by becoming invested in its narrative thread.”

“Perhaps your consciousness was forced into a coma, from what it sounds like, based on your sisters actions. That doesn’t sound outside the realm of empath behavior. But your mind made a mental connection with the suppression of your consciousness, to a problem in your life that you were already dealing with. Explaining one with the other, linking the two of them together, in a way that even if your sister was no longer actively harming you anymore, that connection made it easier to self-maintain that discomfort… perhaps it might sound cruel, to suggest after a certain point you were doing it to yourself. But having that mental issue addressed curing the physical ailment suggests that at a certain point, it was your mind over your body.”

“But that’s purely a theory,” Dr. Mariah said somewhat dismissively, “You’ve come more to peace, with what happened to you and your sister?”

“Empaths exist in metaphor,” Lauriam smiled wanely, “And I don’t think that idea’s off base. It seemed like we all needed to deal with something that was personally bothering us, even the ones who weren’t asleep.” It occurred to Lauriam then that that was true…except Luis. But perhaps that was what was about to happen, with his uncle going to rehab. Addressing his alcoholism was certainly a personal problem to face.

“It still hurts to think about what happened, and to talk about Strelitzia at all sometimes,” Lauriam admitted, “But at least now I can think about her without feeling like the world’s ending. Marluxia telling the others?” Lauriam winced a small grin. “That was the first time either of us had said her name in 14 years. I know for me, at least, waking up then was the first time I’d thought about her in that time too. It just hurt too much before.”

“14 years is a long time to not even think of a person you lost in such a manner…” Dr. Mariah observed, “What made you avoid it for so long? I know pain was a factor, but the way you’ve described your feelings about being willing to be uncomfortable for others, and fighting supervisors to make them unhappier, you’re not exactly risk-adverse. And yet, you have a highly avoidance based coping mechanism otherwise. What’s the difference in the two problems, that causes you to solve them in such dramatically different ways?”

Lauriam shrugged uncomfortably, looking away. “...I felt like I was dying, when they killed her. I tried to, but they held me back, and even then I just begged them to kill me too. I threw myself at anything I could, fists, knives, whatever, until they knocked me out, and I just felt so…empty when I woke back up in the factory. Like I wasn’t even there, or I was in a dream or something, but not even an Empath dream. But from feeling numb, every time my thoughts glanced against what happened, it felt like touching lava. And things were happening around me, so I just avoided thinking.”

He let out a quiet sigh. “Then, during that first punishment I told you about? When they started taunting me about Strelitzia, I lost it. I barely remember what happened, honestly, just that I tried to hurt everything around me as much as I could. And after they dropped me back in our room, all I could do was cry. It felt like my mind was tearing itself apart.”

“Even if Xaldin clued me in that the supervisors wouldn’t ever kill us as a punishment…or that was the idea, anyway,” Lauriam winced, “It still let me know that they would still use us as collateral against each other. And right then, that idea felt so…dangerous. I didn’t want to be something that’d get the people looking after me hurt, so I just…stopped thinking. About things that’d make me, and thus everyone else too, a target.”

“Perhaps that was why you were able to to think of her later, then?” Dr. Mariah mused, tapping lightly at her notebook, “If your avoidance was linked to feelings of danger for those around you, well, that was no longer a factor, once you were confronted with it again. You changed because your circumstances changed.”

“Maybe,” Lauriam offered with a weak smile, “Though me freaking out about things still aren’t inconsequential for my family. If Ienzo hadn’t called in a favor, we would’ve been in an even worse position than we were with the state the tavern was left in. And even if they ended up alright, after Marluxia freaked out, Ira, Gula, and Hao were still stuck with me in a sector having a riot. It sort of feels like people are safer when I’m not thinking about anything.”

“Perhaps,” Dr. Mariah said, “They’d likely be safer still, if you were able to process your emotions. Which, unfortunately, does take thinking about them. Often over a long period of time. Avoidance will only get you so far, Lauriam. And the cost of your coping strategy is immense. Missing out on life is not worth the strides you’ve taken to miss out on grief.”

“Do you write?” she asked, “Or draw? I know you embroider… have you ever considered expressing some of the feelings you have through your embroidery? How one might write in a diary?”

Lauriam sighed and went to rub the back of his neck, before he felt the bandages there and stopped himself. Yeah… He knew not thinking and not feeling anything wasn’t an answer. He was awful at it anyway.

“I draw,” he answered, before smiling softly, “Invi, one of the others we met on the way here, actually has my old sketchbook from when I was a kid. Marluxia and I made a copy of it on the island and our world that we’ve kept up with over the years. I like paper crafts too.” Looking over his shoulder, Lauriam pointed to a glass bottle filled with paper stars on his window sill. “Most of that was mental too, but sometimes I’d find old newspapers around the factory and my uncle and I made these together when I was a teenager.”

“I’m not really sure how to do any of that to…express my feelings, though,” Lauriam said uncertainly. “I usually just make things that I think look cool.”

“Perhaps that should be a homework assignment then,” Dr. Mariah said, before explaining, “Sometimes I like to prompt my patients to try something for themselves in between therapy sessions. I call them ‘homework assignments’, but obviously there’s no real pressure to attempt them. They’re simply projects that, either through their success or failure, could potentially show different avenues you can utilize to help yourself through the day to day.”

“So, for your assignment, should you choose to indulge me… I’d like you to create something, based on a moment in your past.” Dr. Mariah said, “It doesn’t have to be a bad one. This is more about exploring what you might get out of expressing your history in a creative way. You don’t have to show me whatever you make as well, though you can if you like. It’s about analyzing how it felt to create the thing, not about the creation itself.”

“What do you think?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Could you attempt that?”

Lauriam raised an eyebrow before sighing. “I haven’t even started that tutoring stuff and I’m already getting homework… Yes, I could try that. Most of the stuff I craft isn’t really strenuous--metalwork is more Marluxia’s thing--so it’s something I can do while resting too. It’d be nice to get back in the hang of drawing physically again.”

Or he could try to fold a real paper spider. It should work the same way as on the island, he thought.

It seemed like that subject was drawing to a close. Maybe Lauriam could just leave it there, and…it really was something he should just disregard, but… (...yeah, Marluxia wasn’t listening.)

“There was, actually, if we have time?” Lauriam tentatively broached, “Marluxia mentioned something from his session that I’d like to ask you about, as someone in the same field as who you sent him to.”

“Certainly,” Dr. Mariah said, “Go ahead.”

“He said she said I was abusing him,” Lauriam said softly, tightly frowning. “He doesn’t agree, and I don’t agree, and Dilan brought up that it’s not abuse if it’s not intentional… I know I’m not always the easiest person to be around, and Marluxia’s always had to pick up the slack when whatever I’m going through puts our mind in disarray, I’m not saying I don’t make it hard on him. But I’ve never wanted to hurt Marluxia in any way. And…I guess I’m just worried I missed something, if someone did come to that conclusion, even if it’s someone that doesn’t know us well.”

“On session 1?” Dr. Mariah asked, lightly surprised. Phaux must not have been confident she was going to get to a session 2. Threw on the important observations hard and fast, huh, “...Lauriam, at the beginning of our session, you asked if Marluxia could be called upon for observations. And I said yes, but I hesitated, since it’s not something I’d allow for a physical couple.”

“Can you guess why?” Dr. Mariah asked.

“Because we can influence the way the other sees things?” Lauriam threw out, “Like, we wouldn’t get to our own conclusions with the other one there.”

Why the surprise for the first session? Was that weird for therapy? Lauriam supposed Marluxia mentioned that a lot of what happened was weird.

Dr. Mariah shook her head, “That’s an issue for other dynamics, in other discussions. But for the idea of a therapy session that’s focused on and for the benefit of one person and their individual issues, to have their life partner on stand by to be called upon for what that individual deems them to be involved with at a whim? But in no other context? Perhaps I’m getting lost in the language… only being allowed to express an opinion when called upon is a power imbalance,” she explained, “For partners that are physically separate, with separate minds? It’d be an incredibly demeaning thing to ask of the partner. But since I have a reasonable reason to think that it’s actually a bit impossible to separate Marluxia from the conversations we’re asking him to join at your whim, I was willing to explore it more gradually over time, to see if that same imbalance existed.”

“Perception is important when considering power dynamics, and is also difficult to truly perceive without a great deal of thought,” Dr. Mariah explained, “I’ve put enough thought in the power dynamics of people who want their partners to only come to a therapy session when they want to have a difficult conversation in an environment that only they are comfortable and familiar with between the two, by that point. It rarely ends well for the person being called. I discourage it, and sometimes forbid it, when I see it happen that way… but most couples don’t recognize why I’m so strict on it. It takes explaining. It take introspection. And sometimes it takes someone else pointing it out to you.”

Lauriam took that in quietly. And it did make sense. It sucked to be at someone’s arbitrary beck and call, only knowing whatever it was that they thought it was necessary for you to know. But…

Lauriam frowned. “...that’s not fair. Marluxia was as present as I was last time, to make his own decisions about what he wanted to talk about, but you said that wasn’t a good idea. That’s…unfair to say that I’ve potentially created this power imbalance when asking if he could join in sometimes was a compromise to include him at all.”

“And we’ve always answered when the other one sends a message,” Lauriam explained, “Not just between me and Marluxia, but for our whole family, really. It’s pretty common for someone to ping something like ‘hey, check this out’ and we’ll look at the immediate memory, or just look through their eyes.”

“I asked for one on one therapy sessions, with the thought that Marluxia would have his own, somewhere else. To give you both space.” Dr. Mariah reminded him, “And I still feel like you need that space… in truth, it should likely be one or the other. Marluxia is either a part of these therapy sessions, or he isn’t. The current setup is the least fair version to him.”

“As for your point that asking someone to step in at request for therapy appointments being the equivalent of asking them to join into any conversation… I can only say that context matters, and therapy is different.” Dr. Mariah said a tad tiredly. 

Lauriam returned her tired vibe with a small sigh. “...can I tell him that he’s not allowed, then?”

Dr. Mariah could tell him that it was different, but Lauriam still didn’t see how. They were stiiiiiiill just talking, and Lauriam had talked plenty in his life.

“I am still willing to attempt it. As I mentioned, your situation is unique for this particular dynamic issue,” Dr. Mariah said, “Separating you and Marluxia might not be realistic. And I expect in the future that when you feel distressed? I’ll see him regardless of anything. We can still attempt it the way you requested.”

Considering the only real times in their life when they had been truly separated, Marluxia lost his sense of identity, and Lauriam became suicidal enough to actually talk to someone about it, yeah. Probably not something realistic to consider.

Lauriam smirked shallowly. “That seems likely, yes. Before fully fusing, there were times when our body would just sort of stall out because we tried to do or say things at the same time. It’s still sort of a learning curve for both of us wanting to do things in the physical world. I’d say we should’ve learned that from Ienzo ages ago, but I think his stalls were more from none of him and the Zexions wanting to do anything in their body.”

Lauriam got the feeling that Ienzo still didn’t want to sometimes, but was forcing himself. His little brother really worried him, sometimes.

Dr. Mariah nodded, “We can then. But please understand… as of right now? My job is to help you. And I don’t necessarily mean ‘help you be a better person’. Being good to other people just tends to be a natural need for my true goals as your therapist: to make getting to tomorrow, and the day after, and the year after that, easier for you. To give you more resources and tools to help yourself. To make a consistent form of happiness or stability possible.”

“I have no idea if some of your behaviors or patterns result in an abusive relationship with Marluxia. I don’t know you well enough, and even if I suspected it was the case? It wouldn’t be helpful to you yet to point it out.” Dr. Mariah explained, “There are more important things for you to tackle first, for your own well being. If another therapist felt the need to tell Marluxia that he needed to re-evaluate how your relationship works? They did it because to them, that was what he needed most to work on at that point, for his well being. The conversation changes, based on who we’re trying to help first. Context matters.”

That was still really concerning. His life was inextricably linked with Marluxia’s, so something like their relationship with each other being pointed out, to either of them, as an issue to look into? Was concerning, and something that they would have to work on together. 

But Marluxia had called the other therapist a quack and had resolved not to listen to her, so…well, nothing Lauriam could do about it now. 

“Alright,” Lauriam accepted after a moment. “Though I hope it’s not too aggravatingly cyclical to say that a part of my happiness would be harder to get to from being an obstacle for Marluxia to have part of his own happiness. It matters to me, if he’s happy and safe and comfortable, and not just from the state of the body and mindspace we share.”

“I know,” Dr. Mariah said, “But I don’t see his feelings being an immediate or obvious obstacle to your happiness in the moment. Are you happy, with how things are between you two right now?”

“I think they’re the best they’ve ever been,” Lauriam laughed quietly with a small smile. “So, yes, I’m happy with how we are. We were talking about our emotion restaurant idea with our boyfriends last night, and it was a lot of fun, being excited for something the two of us can work on together. Even if it’s probably going to include more research than either of us want to do.”

Dr. Mariah smiled lightly. “Good. And that’s exactly why I’m not helpful for Marluxia in this moment. I have to focus on the things that are distressing you. Your relationship isn’t one of them. At least not right now.”

“I’d hope we’ve had that mostly sorted by now,” Lauriam mumbled to himself. And…that seemed to settle that. What else…

“Oh, um,” he remembered, “my uncles are looking into healers for me to set up an appointment with. Or, more than they’re looking into it for all of us, so I’m included with that.” Lauriam winced a grin. “Apparently there are a bunch of standard vaccines we all missed out on, so I think the ideal plan is just getting everything done at once.”

“Excellent. It will be good to have you physically assessed.” Dr. Mariah said, tapping her notebook a bit, “I hope you don’t have issues with needles. Depending on how far behind you are, they can be a lot.”

“Nah, I always hated how being tranq’d made me feel more than how they shot me up,” Lauriam shook his head. “Marluxia threatened to get us a tattoo, actually, and that sounds kind of fun, though we need to decide on a design.”

Dr. Mariah smiled thinly, “You know I have to question the wording ‘threatened’.”

Oh. Right.

Looking a little sheepish, Lauriam put a hand over his navel. “Marluxia got a bellybutton piercing without telling me, and when I said I wish he would’ve just so I wouldn’t have been surprised when I fronted later, he said he almost got a tattoo too. We talked it out.”

“Hmmm… are there any concerns with that memory? Anything unresolved?” Dr. Mariah asked.

Lauriam was about to say no. He opened his mouth to do it. But as he was about to vocalise the sound, he hesitated. Something about that memory not having seemed like anything to think about on its own, but combined with yesterday…

“...when I first tried to talk to him about it, he started making out with me to shut me up,” Lauriam said, “And…yesterday he was really upset after his appointment, and he started some more intimate gestures. I brought it up then, but I don’t like being more intimate when either of us are upset. At least in the ways we were those times.”

Lauriam started to flush as he looked away. “I’m not…opposed to some of the stuff you hear about in kismesitudes. I just don’t like the idea of…of trying to distract from genuine upset by getting horny about it.”

“Forgive me, I’m not always well versed enough in the different words Luminary has for love. I’ve been explained it has something to do with aggression, or enemies, but it’s a bit of a difficult concept to understand if you’re not raised with it, I expect,” Dr. Mariah said, a touch of apology in her tone, “But, yes, I can see why that would be upsetting. Has this been a conversation you and Marluxia have had, yet?”

“You’ve been given the right idea,” Lauriam awkwardly shrugged, “It’s like…have you heard the phrase, ‘there’s a thin line between love and hate’? I wouldn’t really call kismesis hate, but it’s the attraction between people that comes from aggression. Being wrapped up with someone but not in the…’traditional’ affectionate ways, I guess.”

“And I brought it up last night when he started kissing me,” Lauriam nodded, “We talked about it with Xaldin and Dilan too. Dilan gets where I’m coming from emotionally more, but we talked about it enough that enough of us are uncomfortable with it that it’s for the most part a no-go for us.”

“Yes, Xaldin and Dilan…a relationship between four people is a trial in and of itself. Not at all an impossible one, and in truth I often find myself rooting for the relationships that take on such a task. There is a vulnerability and risk in opening up your relationship to multiple people that I find admirable, as a relationship therapist,” Dr. Mariah said, “But vulnerability and risk tend to be the key terms there. There has an unfortunate tendency of there being ‘winners’ and ‘losers’, in polyamorous relationships. People who have little influence in the group as a whole, are forgotten about and pushed aside… I’m providing context, when I ask: do you feel valued, in your relationship with Dilan, Xaldin and Marluxia? How are things going with them individually?”

“At risk of repeating myself--the best it’s ever been.” Lauriam smiled wryly. “We all have a complicated history, but right now? Things feel good. I feel valued. It’s hard, with each half of us in different countries, but we’re never truly apart, and at least for me, it feels like I have quality time with each of them individually, and as a group. I mean, by the nature of things I do spend the most time with Marluxia, but by this point in our lives it’d feel weird for that ever to not be the case, romantically or otherwise.”

A brighter and truly excited smile lit up Lauriam’s face as he leaned forward in his seat a bit. “I can’t wait for Xaldin and Dilan to join us here. I know it’ll be a while still, but I just feel so happy and excited thinking about it.”

“Good. It’s nice to know that you have things to be excited about, and to take comfort in.” Dr. Mariah said sincerely, tapping her notebook. “Perhaps, on that positive note, we should draw this session to a close then. I do like to, if I can avoid it, end sessions with something soothing on the mind. They can be trials and emotionally grueling practices, but there is usually something good in people’s lives to reflect on at the end of it all. I hope to keep that practice up with you.”

“I’ll take all the positivity I can get,” Lauriam laughed softly before he stood, intending to see Dr. Mariah out. “And maybe on Tuesday I can actually make it to your office.”

“Because this is the end of my appointment and I’m about to open my door,” Lauriam called a little louder, his hand on the door handle.

More sudden scrambling footsteps. “That’s actually a very bad habit. I may need to talk to your uncles about that.” Dr. Mariah sighed as she stood up, “Again, therapy is different. We ask for privacy for a reason. I can’t have you performing for listening ears.”

Lauriam could only shrug. “Like I said, in each other’s pockets. All my little siblings are stronger than me too, so if they get the idea to, there’s not really anything I can do if they want to listen in on my thoughts. But being able to have my appointments not in the place we’re staying will probably help.”

“Oh, to be surrounded by powerful young people.” Dr. Mariah sighed again, though there were something mildly amused in her tone this time. “I’ll see you our next session, Lauriam.”

-

Not too long ago, Maki found out that she betrayed her people, started a famine, and picked a guy over everyone else in her life who in turn would immediately turn his back on her to be with a guy who was ‘nice to him’, and all of that on top of her freshly regaining memories of childhood torture and the reminder that her life and existence was at the whim of, and at risk of, dragons and gods well beyond her own powers.

She chatted with Shuichi about it, drowned Kaito a bit, and then got on with her life, because what else was she going to do?

It really was as straightforward as that. Maki was still grappling with everything that had happened, of course, but she also just had things she had to do most days. Timothy needed new shoes because Chase had decided that maybe she hadn’t been trained out of chewing on fun things, and why not relive the glory of her puppy years again by eating dads boots. So the next day she took Tim to buy new boots. Then she went training at the dojo because she and her girlfriend enjoyed spending time together there, and what was Maki going to do just because she was heartbroken over yet ANOTHER fucking Momota… not pay attention to her girlfriend? What the fuck? That’d be so shitty. So she went and did that. And then Shuichi’s birthday came up! And fuck no was Maki going to distract from Shuichi’s birthday with her own shit, so she worked with Kokichi on the party he set up for Shuichi, hosted at a little restaurant he liked, and she went with Kaito to go buy him some fun gifts, which they did, and all in all they had a lovely, quiet birthday where Shuichi’s friends came to join in, eat some food, and secretly trade some magic stuff.

In some ways, Maki was now totally fine, after everything that happened. She was too hyper functional not to be.

In many more ways, she was drowning. Metaphorically. Not literally, like how she had done to Kaito. Who had the decency to not bring that up to anyone, though he had gone to a doctor about it, memories of Doppio worrying him enough to get it double checked.

Maki wasn’t sure if she should feel guilty about all of that. She wasn’t sure how to feel about anything right now. Doing the next thing was much easier than thinking about her emotions. So right now she was out and about. Doing things.

Late afternoon sun was such a drag. 

Shay thought about moving her head a bit to the side to hide within the stretched shadow of the person stopped in front of the smoking shelter, giving her eyes a break from the sun glare while she looked at clouds. But they’d likely move soon anyway, so what was the point in putting in that effort? 

Too troublesome. 

Resting a fresh cigarette between his lips, Shay patted his pocket for his lighter. The soft kssshk of the strike breaking the placid sound of the day as he lit up. And a plume of smoke joined the clouds above.

Maki stopped, looking curiously at the smoke. It smelled familiar.

“What are you smoking?” she asked the smoker.

“Nicotine,” Shay said, uncaring. If this person tried to take it away from them, so be it. Still, they didn’t lift their head from the ground, eyes still trained on the sky. They had the idle thought of a person that’d throw a bigger fit about their shoes up on the shelter bench. There was probably a person like that in the world. “Yes, I know it’s addictive.”

“Can I buy some off of you?” Maki asked, “I have a friend who doesn’t smoke, but would appreciate having some to smoke for when they do smoke.”

Shay blinked, finally tilting her head back enough to see the young woman standing in front of the shelter. She was…fairly certain there was something illegal about buying a restricted drug off a 16-year-old. 

But that wasn’t her problem. 

“Sure,” Shay agreed, “How many do you want? I have most of a pack, so half would be four.”

“Two,” Maki said, “He’s an idiot, so if he wanted to smoke, he’d smoke everything he had at once. Best to just let him have his moments and nothing more.”

Maki stepped into the shelter, digging out her coin purse, “How much for three?”

“Five copper,” Shay decided on the spot, shaking the pack out from his pocket and pulling three cigarettes from it. “You want a light from the one you’re taking?”

“Got it in one,” Maki said, passing her the five copper, pocketing two of the cigarettes, “Mind giving me a light?”

There was another kssshk and a weedy arm was held up into the air, a beat-up metal lighter holding a steady flame offered up.

Shay let out a stream of smoke after she pocketed the copper. “Rough day, to take up some lung tar?”

“Not particularly.” Maki said, leaning against the beam of the shelter, holding the cigarette between her fingers and, notably, not anywhere close to her mouth, “I’m just enjoying the scent for a moment. It reminds me of where I grew up. I don’t get too many opportunities for that, anymore.”

The scent of Miss Kirigiri tended to linger, wherever she was. It coated Shuichi’s clothes as well, from how much time he spent around her when she was smoking. And Maki had enjoyed, the light mentoring she had received from the detective, spending time with Shuichi. Her own mentor and Miss Kirigiri chatting or arguing or just spending time together, while Shuichi and Maki did the same nearby.

Those memories were tinged with the smell of Miss Kirigiri’s nicotine habit. Maki found herself soothed by those memories. Life hadn’t been easier, or simpler, back then, but… there had been a comfort in those days that Maki hadn’t recognized for what it was, until she lost it.

Nothing had felt like Maki’s fault, back then. Maki well aware that in her place in life, almost everything going wrong in her life was very distinctly someone else’s fault. Someone else’s doing. Her mentors, the castle, the program, the Momota’s, Kaito.

Now? That comfort was gone.

She missed it.

…?

Shay tilted his head, glancing over Maki for a moment. He let his cigarette rest in his mouth as he rested his wrists on his stomach, fingers lightly pressed together in an O shape. 

The idea of nicotine smoke being nostalgic wasn’t mind-blowing. As much as it was discouraged, like other restricted drugs, and especially the ones on the tiers that led to severe health complications, people did still smoke. It was how Shay had picked it up, looking for reassurance and stability and a stress reliever, and those things pointing to years of memories catching Sean poorly trying to snuff out cigs whenever kids were in view.

It could just be different phrasing saying the same thing. But that wasn’t what the woman had said. She said it reminded her of where she grew up. Which implied that it wasn’t Usott. And Shay couldn’t think of a city in Dicea known for the smell of smoke. 

But they’d heard of some in Luminary. 

Got it. 

Letting her hands relax, Shay withdrew her cigarette from her mouth and breathed out. “Bit greener here than I’ve gotten the impression.”

“No idea what you mean,” Maki said, idly watching wind blowing through some flora, “If you’re prone to saying nonsense, let’s maybe enjoy the silence.”

That was fair enough. Shay really only talked to Choji when it was cloud-watching, and even then a lot of silence fell between them. Easier for someone else to make the choice of talking or not too.

Guess she was prone to nonsense. At least she was self-aware about it. 

Maki let her mind wander in the silence. She thought a little bit about the spider lady who used to torture Shuichi. Ienzo had seemed shaken, when Maki had confessed her revenge fantasies. She had felt a little bad about it in the moment, but she found herself caring less as time moved on from that day. It was hard to care about anything, in the moment. She thought about drowning Kaito again. Her mind kept going back to that moment, at odd times. The way his body had gone limp and heavy in her hands.

In her mind, Maki had hesitated to save his life. In reality, she had pulled him to the shore immediately and pumped at his chest until he vomited the water in his lungs. 

She was too hypercompetent. Her body had known the next thing to do and had just done it.

But her mind had hesitated.

It was strange. This situations were nothing like each other, but Shay was reminded of one of the only other times he’d smoked with someone in a shelter. Or, as much as this was smoking with someone. There were other people that smoked, and more still that smoked things other than nicotine and for some reason wanted to do so outside their homes, but they were few and far between enough that Shay just hadn’t really run into other people much as he found new shelters to use. 

There was the red-haired woman who’d grumbled about Shay ruining their lungs. There was a severe-looking blond that had hesitated by the shelter, and something told Shay they’d been lucky to have not pulled anything out yet at that time. And there was the detective. 

Detective Kirigiri was who this new person reminded Shay of, though she couldn’t pin down why. They both had a sort of serious, yet distant set to them, but the detective had been what Shay might even call eager to talk. At first it seemed like necessity, asking where she could even buy nicotine cigarettes in Usott, but then the conversation had just…continued. Talking about how much more common smoking was in Luminary, particularly the capital, talking about the drug regulations and equal use space laws in Dicea. Talking about vacations--the detective was taking one, at the time--and recommendations in the city, the nature of how pastimes evolved to reflect what a city had to offer, or, inversely, how that changed in more rural settings…

Maybe they just felt similar because the detective and this person were the only people to ask Shay for a light.

Shay glanced down from the clouds for a moment to pull out her lighter and observe it. What kind of power did you have, huh?

Maki sometimes wondered if she had been supposed to die in the war.

Not in terms of destiny. Maki didn’t have a destiny. A dragon inside of her did, and Maki seemed to be the person and body most in the way of that pursuit. A burden on someone else's noble, divine goal. The god of Death and Trade had needed to make a deal with Maki, just to step out of the way of the dragons destiny. Its destiny to…

Defeat the Flora?

But last Maki heard, the Flora were defeated. The queen buried in a dream. Her people in shambles. The God of Death created a famine so that Maki would step out of the way and let the destiny that wasn’t her own come to fruition. Maki had allowed it to happen for her own selfish reasons. And the Flora had been defeated by hubris and, essentially, a baby and her weird, annoying little imaginary friend.

Maki took some comfort in knowing her dragon form protected Miyako. But beyond that? Failed plans on top of failed plans. Pointless destiny on top of pointless destiny. Declarations of love to a man who would never pick her.

Narratively, wouldn’t it have been so much more satisfying if Maki had died in the war, and that had been what had freed her people?

Much cleaner. Much simpler. Far less stupid.

Kaito hadn’t been afraid, when he woke up, coughing water from his lungs. He had relaxed when he had seen her. He felt safe, when Maki was around, he had told her a thousand times. He knew she would look after him.

How many times had she nearly killed him, and he still relaxed on instinct when he saw her. Like everything would be alright.

Shay breathed in. And choked. 

“Hhkk--ugh…” 

They turned to the side and coughed, reluctantly swinging their checkered shoes off the shelter bench to sit up. With one final hefty cough, Shay groaned and ran a hand over the chunks of hair that had escaped their ponytail, resting their cigarette in the built-in ashtray as they retied their hair. Ugh…

“You seem bad at smoking,” Maki observed dryly. Still not putting hers anywhere near her face, as it slowly burnt down, “Are you a smoker, or a rebellious teenager?”

“I don’t see why one excludes the other,” Shay sighed, recollecting his cig. “Though rebellion feels like it should be more purposeful than whatever this is. Guess that’s not my call to make, though.”

“Rebellious teenagers aren’t in it for the love of the game,” Maki said dryly. She was directly quoting Kaito on something he had said about hookah. She was one hundred percent certain he had been quoting something one of his friends from his delinquent days said to him. Kaito had been unreasonably proud, at 16, at how much he genuinely liked hookah. He had thought it made him cooler… until he’d gasp and sputter seeing Shuichi smoke a regular cigarette, let alone the incredibly dangerous weed.

Maki never smoked anything. She thought it was a stupid habit. Mostly because it was. Though, probably no less stupid than taking it in second hand. But whatever. She wasn’t planning to live forever.

Shay tilted her head to acknowledge the point, though she said, “There usually is something specific to rebel against, though. I guess you could say societal wisdom, in my case, if you really wanted to make a point, but it’s not like I’m out here thinking that smoking is a good thing to do.”

“Still,” they sighed out a cloud, glancing out past the overhang of the shelter, “it’s a stress-reliever drug, even temporarily, and I’m not planning to live forever.”

Maki nodded, “You’d make a half-decent assassin. You should look into that line of work. Your lack of self preservation will make you useful for a year.”

“Perhaps the next Luminary I meet under a smoking shelter will be recruiting, then. Three is a magic number.” A frown slanted down from the side of Shay’s mouth. “Sounds like a drag, but even more of one to fight it.”

“Not your first bitter Luminary then?” Maki asked, idly watching people pass by. They got a few Looks. Maki was a little surprised… before remembering, ah, right. Probably because of the teenager.

“I’m starting to think it’d be more unlikely to never bump paths, by this point.” Shay didn’t pay mind to people going past. It took a little more effort to watch the clouds from a sitting position, but it did cut down on choking hazards. Probably. Mostly, it just seemed like more effort to turn around and flop back again. “Though I suppose places more out of the way don’t exclusively attract bitter people.”

“It’d probably attract more weirdos. Bitter people follow crowds. It’s one of the reasons they’re so bitter.” Maki mused.

Shay mulled over that for a moment. Following crowds…could lead to the suppression of the ‘true self’ in order to follow convention. Keeping in interests and ideas, letting skepticism go quiet for the sake of being one more face in the crowd. Not making ripples. And, over time, that could breed resentment. 

Decisions made for the group and against better judgement could turn into bitter memories. 

Shay leaned back a little. “...I suppose so. But there’s a level of difficulty unavailable for the majority of people in not staying within the crowd too. The promise of safety, a sense of belonging, comradery… Lose either way, I guess.”

“...” Maki opened her mouth, stopped… opened it again… mouthed out the words… “...unavailable for… not staying… there’s a level of difficulty available for people staying within the crowd… or… there’s a difficulty in not sticking with the crowds…”

She mouthed the sentences a few more times… before giving up. “What?”

“It takes both privilege and just your head being wired a certain way for someone to genuinely enjoy a life away from other people,” Shay clarified. “And those things are unavailable for the majority of people. Which is why crowds form in the first place, I guess. They wouldn’t exist if there was no one who wanted to band together.”

“Ah,” Maki nodded, “Weirdos.”

Not that Maki had room to judge. She was both bitter and weird. And started a famine for a guy she wasn’t with. 

Maki stared at the cigarette, almost burnt out, and felt suddenly tired. And something else.

Lonely. 

It was a weird way to feel. She was far from alone. She had her family. Her friends. Her girlfriend. A dog. 

But she still felt alone. Maybe that was why she was talking nonsense to some random kid, lingering in a smoke that reminded her of her childhood. It was pathetic.

Almost as pathetic as starting a famine for a man who’d never choose her.

“Want some unsolicited advice?” Maki said, staring at nothing, “Pick who you fall in love with carefully. Love makes you stupid. It should at least be worth it.”

Shay nodded a little to confirm. 

Sometimes that sort of life sounded nice, and Shay had never argued against being a weirdo. Something quiet, and predictable. But even then…that was more an aesthetic than truth. The Nara farm wasn’t actually that far from Usott, there were plenty of people who lived there, and plenty more who regularly visited. And Shay would miss Choji and Ino too, though it’d be far more likely for them to drag him into whatever they were doing any particular day than to even hint at a sort of pattern in Shay’s life that’d lead to isolation. 

Maybe she deserved isolation, then. But that wasn’t her decision. 

They tipped their head back a little. “Bad breakup?”

“Worse,” Maki said, “Big declaration of love. To an idiot. Married to two even bigger idiots. Makes me the biggest idiot, and considering the idiots we’re comparing me to? The mind boggles, how big of an idiot I am.”

…?

Now that got Shay’s attention.

Turning to look at Maki properly for the first time, Shay held the smoldering nub of her cigarette loosely between her lips as she rested her hands in her lap, fingers touching in a circle again. And she was quiet for a few moments. 

“...an idiot, because you’re not going to have that love reciprocated? And you did the declaration anyway, while knowing that. So you’re left with a feeling of futility that you can’t escape from.”

“...yeah,” Maki said, still staring at nothing. Lost in her own mind, “It’s not like I didn’t know. Or haven’t known for years. When we were even younger than you, I expect, the idiot I fell in love with locked himself away in a room for weeks, because his now husband rejected a thirteen year olds idea of love. I never stood a chance. He’s always been drawn to the soft ones.”

Maki wasn’t soft. She wasn’t cute. She wasn’t nice.

She was someone who made deals with death, and started famines.

Shay thought for a few more quiet moments.

But there was really only one conclusion, wasn’t there?

“That sucks,” he said simply. 

“It does suck.” Maki agreed, before pausing… and pouting a bit, “It. Is. Bullshit.”

“Feelings can be such a drag,” Shay frowned, wrinkling their nose a bit as they took the stub from their mouth and extinguished it for good in the ashtray, “Make all the plans in the world, but at the end of the day, we’re all just hyped up fish that do what we feel.”

“...fish?” Maki asked, drawn out of her bitter mood to pay the kid more attention. 

“Probably the ancestor of all mammals,” Shay shrugged, “Dunno what your ancestors are like, but go back far enough and most of us’ll probably meet back at fish.”

The crystalline structure of the small hoops in Shay’s ears glittered in the late-afternoon sun. Given how closely tied Shikaran were to cervidae deer, they probably were a little more closely related to humans than having to go all the way back to the progenitor of all mammals, but that seemed like too much effort to actually theorize about.

“Scales… carnivorous… gets bigger the more space they have…” Maki listed, before huffing, “You’re probably right. Fish. All the way down.”

Her eyes caught the glint. “Your earrings are nice,” Maki complimented, “Where did you get them? I’m considering piercing someone, they might forgive me for it if I have a nice earring waiting for them.”

Eh? Well, probably good that he went so far back, then. 

Shay smirked lazily. “Thanks, but I can’t give you a recommendation. Got these in when I was a baby, so if I could find out where my folks got them, shop might not even be open anymore. Friend of mine likes the jewelry shop on Pine, though. Amber’s, I think.”

“Do babies in Dicea get their ears pierced?” Maki asked, a little surprised at that, “People tend to wait till their teenagers, in Luminary. That’s an odd little difference.”

“Nah, it’s actually illegal in most cases. Infant mutilation,” Shay shook their head, “But it’s an old-ass tradition in my family, so they’ve gotten special exemption for generations. People usually wait ‘til their teens or later here too.”

“What’s the tradition then?” Maki asked, genuinely curious. It was nicer to wonder about what gets baby mutilation passes in Dicea then thinking about a whole famine she made for no good reason.

“That we get our ears pierced from birth with this specific type of earring.” Shay smirked lightly. “Not the sort of thing that’d get passes in court these days, but it probably helped to have argued for an exemption back when minor non-consent mutilation laws were first passed.”

There was probably some case to be made that Shikaran didn’t need to constantly use beastones. Shay wasn’t about to make a list, but he knew that there were plenty of people just around Usott that could use a beastone but didn’t, and not just because they couldn’t get their hands on one. Still, when he’d asked as a kid, his dad had said something about what a pain it was dealing with antler transformations, so Nara generations and generations ago had decided to integrate with humans for fully and adopt beastones they never took off. 

It was enough of a tradition to not bother with bucking now, she supposed.

“I imagine you got a lot of questions about it when you were young,” Maki said, “Little things that make you different. Though, perhaps it made you cool, in the eyes of the other tweens.”

Shay wrinkled her nose at the idea of ever being cool. 

“Think I ruined that in first grade when someone woke me up and my desk was covered in drool,” he decided, “Though if someone asked a question I didn’t feel like answering, I just didn’t, so it might’ve been that too. Little easier when other people will answer for you too.”

“Had yourself a pet extrovert?” Maki asked, her tone light… before she suddenly grimly added, “Watch out for those. Always seem so harmless…”

Shay grimaced with a similar sort of grimness. “I don’t think Ino’s been harmless a day in her life. Only reason I ever spend more than five minutes in a place like this is because she hasn’t found me yet.”

Glancing back up at Maki, it tilted its head. “Worst place your extrovert dragged you to?”

Maki’s first impulse was to say ‘Dicea’, but that wasn’t necessarily true. She gave it some thought…

“He went through a phase where he wanted to see every play he possibly could. He was a bit obsessive about it.” Maki recalled, “There was some new, off-theater play being advertised. The flier was all bright colors, big font. He didn’t look into what it was beyond having a pamphlet for it, just insisted we needed to support the ‘indie arts’ by going to see it.”

Maki’s nose wrinkled, “We didn’t realize it was a children’s show until we were the only two fully grown people in a sea of children, getting side-eyed by all the parents trying to figure out which kid we were there with. I’m certain he was just as embarrassed to be there as I was when the music started, but his version of dealing with a flub like that is doubling down. We were there for both acts. He made me sing along. I nearly murdered him.”

“You?”

“Rough,” Shay commiserated. “He make it worse by complimenting your singing too?”

“It’d be easy to say some sort of shopping spree, but those happen too often to really call any particular one the worst,” Shay said, the teen wearing obviously grungy dark green pants and an old shirt that likely had been in the closet for several years. “So it’d have to be… There’s this guy in our age group Ino’s got the hots for for ages. Couple years ago, his mom threw this big birthday party with an open invite for all classmates and dojo members, the works. Wasn’t gonna go, don’t really like the guy, to be honest, but Ino hatched this plan for me and our friend Choji to distract him while she snooped in his room.”

Shay let out a bone-weary sigh. “Guy didn’t want to be at the party either, and it felt like self-betrayal every word I said that wasn’t a suggestion for us all to ditch. Ino got caught too. Not worth it in the slightest.”

“Your friend’s a snoop,” Maki said, before shaking her head disappointedly, “Shame she got caught. Snoops are useful. I hope she’s better at it now.”

“She still into the dud?” Maki asked, putting out her cigarette into the dirt, once it had burned too close to her fingers. “The one who’s room she went snooping into?”

“Unfortunately so. On both accounts,” Shay sighed, grimacing a bit. “Though at this point, I can’t tell if it’s more because one of her friends still has a bewildering crush on him and Ino likes the competition, or if it’s because there’s still more about him to snoop on and she likes the mystery. She’s a real scary type of woman.”

“I can imagine scarier,” Makis said dryly, straightening up and brushing the dirt off her hands, “Thanks for the cigarettes. Would you listen if I said you shouldn’t smoke?”

“No problem,” Shay ducked his head slightly in acknowledgement, “Hope your friend doesn’t use them. And I agree with you that I shouldn’t.”

“He might. I think I’m going to give his husband a piercing,” Maki said, walking off, “The one that’s going to cry about it.”

“Have a good evening with your group of idiots,” Shay bade farewell. She should probably go find hers soon too.

-

Look, Lauriam never thought he was a grand artist or anything. Even aside from the whole ‘kept a prisoner by the government for being a demon’ thing, he was never going to get commissioned to do, like, fresco paintings for a temple. That had never really mattered to him, though. He noticed his improvement, over the years, taught himself what he could from drawing books every now and then, just…enjoyed the process. 

But almost all of that had been on the island. So now, when it came to the physical world?

There was barely anything down on the paper, but Lauriam felt so discouraged he could hardly pick up his pencil. 

It looked bad. Even trying to make basic shapes looked all wrong, and not like how he wanted at all. And trying to erase and tweak little bits weren’t helping in the slightest. 

“Lauriam! Hey, I’m glad to see you up and about!”

Lauriam startled just a bit, but who wouldn’t having the Crown Prince walk up behind them. For a moment he just looked at Kokichi and his big smile--and tired eyes--helplessly, before he gathered himself and smiled back. “Prince Kokichi. Yeah, I am too,” Lauriam laughed softly, before bowing shallowly, “Thank you for handling the legal parts of everything. Don’t think I’ve seen you since I was in the hospital, so I wanted to thank you.”

“Oh,” even as he returned the bow, Kokichi waved it off, “it’s no problem! It’s really the least I can do, and we really should’ve had things handled better so you wouldn’t have gotten hurt in the first place.” Kokichi seemed to pause there for a moment, eyes flitting down in what looked like regret, though Lauriam couldn’t gather why. He didn’t get what Kokichi could’ve done to prevent his attack in the first place, short of somehow being there himself before the fight broke out. But the prince perked right back up as he nodded to the table Lauriam was working on. “Doing some drawing?”

And while the question was meant for a lighter tone, Lauriam couldn’t help but sigh. “If you can call this drawing. I guess it’s been long enough since doing it like this,” he rolled one of his wrists to indicate the physical world, “that I’m probably out of practice. I’m no…I dunno, Farshcian, but this is more frustrating than therapeutic right now.”

Kokichi tilted his head a little, before understanding lit his eyes. “Ah, homework?”

Lauriam huffed in amusement. “So that really isn’t something she just said to me.”

“No, it’s for all of us,” Kokichi giggled, before taking a more considering look at Lauriam’s paper. “...well, I’m usually all for keeping at art practice, but if it’s just frustrating you, maybe you could try something else? Like a different medium, I mean.”

But Lauriam just sighed at that. “I tried. And that was just frustrating too.”

Kokichi frowned softly. That was starting to sound like more than just some artist’s block. Though, as he considered things, he offered, “Why not try something completely new, then? Like needle felting or cotton-batting. From what I’ve heard, they’re kind of messy processes that get clearer the more you fuss with them, so they might be good for something more meditative.”

Lauriam raised his eyebrows at the suggestion, before taking it in. He wasn’t familiar with either form of art--just what felt and cotton were, really--but…

Well, he did like trying out new crafts. And he had been thinking about trying something new. “...I’ll look into it, thanks for the suggestion.”

“My pleasure!” Kokichi chirped with a grin, “And we definitely have books on them in the craft section if you want to look more into it. I’m prolly gonna be perusing the fiction aisles for a little bit if you need anything.”

Lauriam nodded, though he smiled wryly. “With everything I hear about you, it’s a wonder the Ouma prince even has time for reading.”

Kokichi let out a short, stressed laugh, running a hand through his hair and tugging on the ends. “Right? Mi-Mi’s decided that her next big accomplishment is escaping her crib, so when I’m watching her around naptime I wanted something I could put down quickly.”

“Ooh,” Lauriam winced, “good luck with that.”

“Thanks,” Kokichi laughed, before he gave a wave and headed off into the rest of the library to get his book. 

Needle felting and cotton-batting… What did you even make with those?

-

Harrier was watching the ocean. He did that a lot these days. While in the first few weeks he had kept himself busy, looking into mysteries and doing little odd jobs to earn extra coin, meeting the locals and getting to know the town, as time went on Harrier just seemed… less and less interested in doing so. Quiet. Unwilling to engage unless prompted, uninterested in exploring the landscape. There had seemed to be something about the town mayor and the owner of the local supermarket that he had been curious about, but one day Harrier had stopped bringing up his observations to Kim about them, and Kim had never heard anything more about it.

In some ways, Harrier was… better. Talking to himself less. Not talking to items at all. More focused, less in a constant daze as if every random breeze was stealing his entire attention.

Kim wished it was a sign that Harrier’s sobriety was going well. Instead, it just seemed sad. Harrier not himself, as Kim went to go sit with him. He didn’t like the sand much himself, but he was willing to get himself a little dirty, as he looked over Harrier’s outfit. “New fishnet tanktop?”

“No,” Harrier said, staring out at the water. 

“Surprising. I thought I knew all of your strange outfits. But I’m certain I’ve not seen this one before.” Kim said, trying to engage with Harrier. That was harder these days too. Harrier didn’t have much to say, and Kim always found himself needing to give up, the last few weeks. Harrier simply uninterested in talking.

But to Kim’s surprise, Harrier took a breath, before explaining, “It’s the same fishnet top I wore back when we first met. I found it bundled up in one of my pockets of my old pants.” Harrier paused, “Heard it crying.”

Kim didn’t question that Harrier had heard it crying. He only questioned, “That’s a shame. Do you know why it was crying?”

“Death rattle,” Harrier said, his eyes welling up with tears, though his tone was steady as he said, “All of my things have been dying. Are dead. Honestly that this little guy lasted as long as it did is a miracle. I wish I could have taken it partying one last time before it left. Shame for something so vibrant and wonderful to go out whimpering in the corner of a dead pair of pants.”

“It is. I’m sorry your fishnet tank top died, Detective.” Kim said.

“Thanks.” Harrier said, wiping his nose and sighing a bit. No longer looking like he was about to burst into tears, soothed by Kim’s small condolences. “...I think I’ll last longer than all of the items. But it’s going to hurt the entire way through. A slow death. We weren’t meant to be here.”

“I do not feel like I am dying,” Kim said, looking around the island beach, “Though, I agree, we should not be here. I wish to return home… but still. Physically, I feel alright.”

“You’re stronger than my tank-top. Stronger than my cool leather shoes. Even stronger than the obnoxious tie.” Harrier said, eyes sad again, “I miss my tie sometimes… it was a bastard, but it had personality. Never had something worth saying, but I always wanted to hear it anyway.”

“I do not think I’m stronger than you, detective.” Kim said, fixing his glasses, “In fact, I am fairly certain I am not. If I can survive this place, so can you.”

Harrier shook his head, “It’s not a matter of surviving. I’ll live. I’ll live and slowly rot here. A shadow of myself. But I can’t be what you are, Kim.”

“It feels self-centered to ask, but I have to know,” Kim smiled lightly, giving Harrier a small look, “What do you think I am, that’s lacking in you?”

“Self-respect,” Harrier said immediately. Certainly. “Internal value. You can recognize yourself outside of what the world around you is, or makes of you. You’re Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi. You’re a good cop, and you’re a good cop despite all the ways the world makes that impossible. You care about other people, even when they give you a thousand reasons to turn them away. You’re strong and brave in front of cruelty, when every sensible thing would be to run and scream in the other direction. Our world being shit and cruel and terrible didn’t make you anything less than what you are, and being a stranger in a world that doesn’t belong to you won’t do it either. You’ll still be Kim, no matter where you are, or who you’re facing, or if the very fabric of reality rejects you. I don’t think you could fathom being any other way.”

“That’s very kind, detective,” Kim said softly, “I think you give me too much credit. And if either of us refuses to change regardless of what others think, it’s safer to say it’s you.”

“Hah. I’m only what the world makes of me. I’m its most pure version. A living representative of the times our world lives in. If I say our world was broken and stupid and ugly? It’s true. I only need to look in the mirror to confirm it.” Harrier laughed bitterly, “I can’t change our world. Only reflect it. And now I don’t even have that. A reflection with no source. Empty lights and haunting shadows. The quiet after the echo.”

“...I don’t know what you are, Detective,” Kim admitted, “But I know you are…something. I realized it a few hours after first meeting you, that you were…”

“Something.” Harrier echoed.

“It’s hard for me to say aloud what I realized you were. It feels sacrilegious. And I didn’t put much stock in all of that to begin with.”

“An easier explanation is that I’m crazy. It might even be true.”

Kim shook his head, “I have seen too much insanity, Detective. Delusional people aren’t always right. They simply think they are. You? You actually were. It was… something. Watching you do what you did.”

“Something sacrilegious.” 

“Yes.” Kim whispered, “Something sacrilegious.”

“...I tried to tell people,” Harrier admitted, “When I first noticed it was happening? I tried to explain. No one believed me. It was too hard to be coherent, when I was explaining. My mind was too full of… of everything. Everyone told me I was just observant. I believed them. Became a detective because the voices were too much, after a while. I had to do something with them. The sound of the gym couldn’t drown it out, after a while.”

“To have known the Harrier when he was a gym rat. I can only imagine.” Kim chuckled, pulling out a cigarette.

“I thought you only smoked that when you were thinking about cases.” Harrier said.

“I am mourning the death of your tanktop,” Kim said, lighting it, taking a long puff of the stem, “I suspect it is an omen. We are in terrible trouble, even if you and I will survive the long haul. Tell me, detective… how bad is it? Our situation?”

“...we are in a world that fundamentally, at a cosmic and micro level, does not care about us.” Harrier said, looking out to the ocean, “Not in the false way that people think when they’re philosophising. I mean fundamentally. The world, this universe, this plane of existence, has no space for us. People’s minds will make no real room for us. Their society will not make holes for us, but will simply wrap itself around our forms, like obstacles. No god will claim us, no descendent will cherish us, no one will ever love us. We are inconsequential. The sand we sit on will have more importance to this place than we could ever dream of.”

“...” Kim let out a cloud of smoke, “Grim.”

“No one will ever take interest in us. No one will ever ask about us.” Harrier whispered, “We do not matter. We are not part of the story.”

“......I believe you,” Kim admitted. He had already started to feel, what Harrier was talking about, weeks ago. People looked through him. Pleasant enough in the moment, engaged enough when he spoke to them, but he had noticed that no one had anything to actually say to him. Kim’s presence inconsequential to whatever they were actually thinking about, always. Kim always, at best, just a body to talk to. “...but I do not think I can live my life with that assumption. I will still try to find a place here. It does not feel impossible.”

“Which is why you’re stronger than me.” Harrier smiled lightly, “I’ve given up already. Long time ago. Hearing the last of our world go quiet… to lose that part of myself that’s connected to the things around us…”

“You are connected to me.” Kim said softly, “Certainly you hear me. What am I saying?”

Harrier closed his eyes. Listening…

“...you’re a little frightened,” Harrier said, “You don’t like the things I’m saying, and a part of you is angry with me for saying them. But you’re also confident. You can find a place for yourself here, no matter what. And besides, it doesn’t matter anyway. We’re going to go home someday. You trust me to find a way.”

“Correct,” Kim said, “I do. I trust you, detective. If staying here is doom? Then we won’t stay. You’ll find a way back to our home. And I will follow you there, Harrier.”

“I wish I had your faith.” Harrier said softly.

“I don’t think someone like you needs faith,” Kim said, “By nature of the fact that you are what people have faith in.”

“Sacrilegious.” 

“Only if it wasn’t true.”

-

Food was so cheap. He’d noted it to Dr. Mariah before, but it was still such a marvel. And it wasn’t just ‘food’; sure, sure, everything was cheaper here, but with a little bit of money Lauriam and Marluxia knew what to buy to get the most bang for their buck. Beans and flour noodles came in bulk and lasted forever. Going in on buying a bottle of a powerful seasoning would last a long time and make everything taste better. Cleaning-grade vinegar was usually also food-grade vinegar, and you couldn’t taste the difference if you simmered something for a while. If you had the chance to buy something fresh, potatoes usually weren’t that expensive by comparison, kept well, and were very filling. 

Meat? Even preserved, meat was always expensive. And in Dicea, meat was so cheap by comparison that Lauriam was convinced it had to be rotten or salt-preserved to all get out. 

But it wasn’t.

So in factory Empath tradition, there really was only one way to celebrate that fact, wasn’t there?

Eating in the dining hall was a little easier to do, but it still wasn’t something all of them got in the rhythm of, so Lauriam just sent a message for his little siblings to meet him in the upstairs kitchen for breakfast as a safety net. And as early as he’d gotten up to ensure he had time to cook before ravenous teen black holes woke up, it had been a peaceful time cooking up there. 

(He’d debated wearing the bandages again. The bruises were still…severe. The outsides had started to mottle into sickly yellows and greens, but there was still an angry choker circling his neck in a reddish-purple. And of course, they were only complemented by the perpendicular lines of scabs running up and down the front and sides of his neck. 

Lauriam didn’t really mind. He’d seen his body in worse shape before. But it was still a concerning look to the people around him, and seeing those shocked and disturbed glances…)

(Then Marluxia had pointed out that Lauriam was debating over what other people thought of their body, so they had promptly left the bandages alone.)

Having plenty of time for the apricot jam to caramelize on the bacon, Lauriam happily hummed something he was sure was one of Demyx’s songs as he arranged strips on the cooking pancakes to form letters. ‘S’, ‘R’, ‘X’ for one plate, ‘N’ and ‘K’ for another, and ‘R’ and ‘A’ for the third.

Look, the teens were, in most cases, delightful. Polite when needed, surprisingly gentle when nothing else was called for, more patient than you would expect any of them to be if you heard them just chatting among each other. The three of them–or rather, seven–had all worked difficult, dangerous, consuming jobs under high pressure for years, and with that work had come a certain level of maturity beyond their years.

None of that applied when it came to pancakes. Down the hallway, normal footsteps suddenly became a thunderous stampede once the smell caught noses. Riku managed to get to the door first, hitting the frame in an effort to stop his momentum, but Sora crashed into his back the second Riku opened his mouth to say, “Hi–GAH!”, the two sprawling across the floor while Kairi literally stepped on Sora’s back to leap over the downed duo, running up to the counter as she said slightly out of breath, “Hi Mariam! Are they ready?”

Lauriam snorted as he paused at the stove to hand Kairi a plate of ‘N’ and ‘K’ pancakes. “Lauriam, and first batch is up; fruit, butter, and extra jam’s on the counter table. I can make eggs too if you guys want more, but I have more batter for seconds that I’m making up.” He gave the flailing pile of Sora and Riku on the ground an amused smirk. “So there’s no need to rush~”

Turning back to the stove to check on his pan, he asked, “You all sleep alright?”

“Ow, ow, Sora, get off!” Riku shoved Sora off of him, scrambling up and running for his plate while Sora quickly scurried up behind him, before like Kairi, stopping and giving Lauriam an imploring look before waiting for his plate to be handed to him. “I guess so. I didn’t sleep badly, I guess.”

“Riku’s been having nightmares–ow. What, you are!” Sora complained when Riku elbowed him in the shoulder, “We all have nightmares, it’s fine! Right Mariam?”

“Again, Lauriam,” Lauriam repeated, before nodding lightly and giving the teens a small smile as he handed over Sora and Riku’s plates. “We all do. And while it’s not the most peaceful sleep, it is sort of the best we can get while having them. As my brain doctor keeps pointing out, we all went through a bunch of messed up stuff, so while I’m not sure ‘fine’ is the right word, it is normal and expected.”

With all his siblings set up with food, Lauriam flipped over his ‘L’ and ‘M’ pancakes to soon join them. “Anything you want to talk about? Sometimes it helps.”

Usually Aqua and Terra were the ones more often asking that question, always trying to lighten as much of the load of horror on the kids. But their parents weren’t there right now, and Lauriam was no stranger to looking out for his siblings.

The three teens looked at each other. They had just gotten used to calling Lauriam and Marluxia Mariam. Oh well. “Nothing to really talk about.” Riku shrugged, cutting a piece of his pancakes off, his eyes lighting up with delight as he took a bite. “Th’s r’wly good.”

“Riku had a dream you died–ow! Hey!” Kairi pouted, rubbing the side of her leg where Riku had kicked it, “Don’t be a jerk.”

“It was a stupid dream. It didn’t mean anything.” Riku frowned, glancing at Lauriam’s neck, before huffing in irritation and going back to his food. 

Maneuvering the pan, Lauriam’s eyes lowered for a moment.

But as he flipped off the stove and joined them at the counter table, he smirked viciously. “Awww, and you told the rest of the snoop squad that was a nightmare? I’m touched~” Laughing lightly, Lauriam nudged Riku’s shoulder before getting more butter for his pancakes and snagging some fruit before it was all gone. “Thanks, though. Know it’s been a while since I made anything.”

“Those dreams really suck, huh,” he said lightly, carefully cutting some bite-sized pieces from his pancakes, “Like, I’m alive, obviously, people are when you wake up and look around, but it doesn’t change how awful those dreams feel for that second waking up.” Looking up, Lauriam gave Riku a brighter smile. “Not planning on dying anytime soon, though. Have an apartment to figure out how to budget for and a million keys in that plan to make sure you guys don’t break down my eventual door.”

Sora glanced uneasily at the other two, who very pointedly didn’t look back, still eating their food. Sora looked like he was debating with himself, before asking, “So, you’re really gonna move away from the rest of us…?”

…okay, out of everything, Lauriam hadn’t expected that that would be the iffy subject of the morning. 

Marluxia gave Sora a look drier than the desert. “Sky-High, I am not sharing a bedroom with you seven for another five years.”

Lauriam smiled more charitably. “I won’t be far. I can already hear Even complaining about us making him travel across the whole city just to see me, so I’m not making that future happen. But I do want more space to myself; or, for myself and Marluxia. And you guys know you’ll always be welcome, right?”

“Yeah, but…” Kairi glanced warily at her pancakes, “But…”

“It’s not safe. It’s… it’s stupid to leave the group,” Riku said. Though he said it with a wince. Like he didn’t entirely believe himself. “It’s not safe here.”

“It’s safe…er,” Sora said, looking at Lauriam’s neck wound, “But maybe you should wait a while. For Dilan and Xaldin to get here. They could live with you.”

It wasn’t an easy argument, and not even one Lauriam was fully on the other side of from his siblings. But as Sora mentioned Dilan and Xaldin, something almost like a shy wince flitted through Lauriam’s expression as he looked to the side. But he took a breath. 

“...they could,” he said softly. “Please don’t tell them this, but Marluxia and I would be pretty happy if they wanted to, actually. And I know how absurd this sounds, considering how we all grew up, what our lives are like.”

{The island,} Lauriam supplied for more specific context. 

“But part of my choice to live away from the group is to try out some independence,” Lauriam explained. Far more than he had at any point, mentioning that he was looking for an apartment. “I don’t want to actually Be Apart from you guys, full meaning and capital letters and all. You’re my family, and even with the social norms I got outside of the factory, the whole idea of one day moving away from your head of household and starting completely anew was just something weird smart midders with a money cushion did. But there still was an idea of having enough independence in your life to figure out who you are outside of your role in your family.”

He smiled wanely. “That concept was never going to happen back home.” In the factory. “But there’s potential for it here, and I want to try for it. And I don’t want to stop Dilan or Xaldin from trying it themselves either.”

Lauriam sighed softly, intending to talk about the safety aspect next, before he paused, giving his siblings a suspicious look. “...okay, how much did you guys actually hear from my therapy sessions?”

“Nothing,” Kairi said at the same time Sora said, “Most of it?”

Riku, sat between his friends, rolled his eyes. “We don’t know. You guys were muffled a lot.”

“We just didn’t want her to do anything to you,” Sora insisted, “It’s weird, that you guys just sort of talk about nothing in a room alone for an hour. There has to be something else going on.”

“We didn’t… hear anything we didn’t know,” Kairi said a tad stiffly. “We all share a brain, essentially. Or at least a connecting tether. It’s tough to keep secrets.”

“Snoops,” Lauriam huffed with fond exasperation, accepting Kairi’s point but not thinking much of it, “And it is weird, yeah? I don’t really get what’s going on either, but I’m willing to give it an honest try. She said that if I take her on as a different kind of doctor she has ideas about what sorts of medicines might help me more, and that would be something that makes more sense, but we’re just sort of feeling things out for now.”

Well, okay, he’d just explain it then. 

Pausing to drink--Lauriam hadn’t even thought to get anything more elaborate than water, for as much effort as he’d put into the rest of the meal--he repeated, “Dr. Mariah said that it is safer, but I’m far from the first person that’s gotten hurt because I don’t know where the danger that does exist here is. Danger that, once we live here longer and know more, would be pretty easily avoided, so it really would be safe.”

Maybe it was dumb to tell his little siblings, he hadn’t even brought it up to Even and Aeleus yet, Atua forbid Aqua, but like Kairi said, secrets only lasted so long between them.

“The people who attacked me are people that eat negative emotions,” Lauriam said quietly, making sure the Heart Trio understood the situation. “They were starving, because they can’t find strong enough negative emotions easily here, so they wanted to talk to me for a while, make me upset, and live off those emotions for a while. But when I got weirded out by everything, and Mars started to leave, they flipped because they were losing their first actual meal in ages.”

“It’s, apparently, something of an issue--people like them sourcing food, I mean,” Lauriam explained before taking a breath, “So I’m planning on making it a regular source. And that would get rid of that danger entirely, by understanding it.”

Riku and Sora’s eyes both widened in shock, Riku’s a little horrified… but Kairi nodded. “Oh, that makes sense.”

“What!?” Sora sputtered, looking around Riku’s shoulders to give Kairi some bug-eyes, “How does that make sense!? He’s gonna help the people who attacked him!”

“Lauriam and Marluxia feel bad a lot,” Kairi argued, Riku looking a little grim at the reminder, “Like, more than usual. If it all has somewhere to go, maybe it’ll stop exploding. And Namine could stop knocking them out. Sure, it’s interacting with the people who attacked them. But it’s also using them for our advantage.”

“We don’t know that’s how it would actually work though,” Riku pointed out, “Emotions aren’t necessarily a limited resource that can be ‘used up’. He could just end up just as upset afterwards as he was before.”

“Think about the last time you cried your eyes out. Emotions absolutely are a resource that can be depleted. They just renew quickly,” Kairi argued, “That’s why none of us can sustain a single emotion forever, or even for very long. It’s not just mental, it’s physical. All of our Empath stuff, including emotions, have a physical connection to them, and those can get depleted and worn out.”

“Okay, maybe, but the ‘renew quickly’ aspect of it is still undeniable. And it might be like a muscle. The more they use it, maybe the stronger it gets. It could make how he feels even worse,” Riku argued.

“Guys, you’re kind of hard to keep up with right now…” Sora pouted, “Can I have more pancakes?”

Lauriam glanced between Kairi and Riku like he was watching a very short-ranged tennis match as they argued before he sighed, shaking his head a little as he got up and collected Sora’s plate. “Kairi, you’ve really been training with Namine and Zexion a bunch lately, huh.”

Heating up the pan again, Lauriam called out, “Anyone want eggs too?” before he sent a half-amused glance to his siblings. “You’re not the only person with reservations, Riku. Honestly, Kairi’s kind of the first to go ‘oh, yeah, huh’ when I’ve brought it up. Like…thanks for saying it’s ‘more than usual’,” he rolled his eyes a little, foaming some butter in the pan, “But I do feel bad a lot, and apparently in a very delicious way. It’s going to happen anyway, so…why not? If I control the setting for it, that’s way safer than someone getting a whiff on the street and deciding to follow me home, right? And I’d be helping more people than the ones who attacked me.”

Green eyes narrowed with satisfied glee. “And I could get paid for it.”

“Waaaait… were the pancakes meant to be a metaphor for what you’re doing? Is that why we get pancakes today? Are these pancakes of manipulation?” Riku said, squinting at his plate suspiciously.

“Isn’t the point of the brain doctor that you stop feeling bad?” Sora asked, though, he could admit he understood the appeal of making money from it. Sora had gotten a lot of satisfaction from his jobs in Luminary! He had already been mildly considering looking for more work in Dicea, if only to keep busy. He had a family to look after, after all! “Why let the lady say a bunch of weird stuff about Marluxia for so long if it’s not meant to help?”

Marluxia turned from the stove, giving his siblings a suspicious glare. “What sort of weird things?” And while no less intense, he scoffed. “And La-La just wanted to make breakfast because he finally doesn’t feel like taking a nap every hour, don’t be so paranoid. And if none of you answer if you want eggs now, you’re not getting any.”

Three hands raised for eggs. 

“We’re not supposed to talk about it. The lady said therapy sessions are supposed to be private,” Sora said, giving Kairi a look. 

Kairi pouted a bit. “I thought he knew. Didn’t he walk out of therapy for that stuff?”

“Guys, we’re not supposed to talk about it, chill,” Riku said, running his hand over his face.

“Oh my goddddd,” Marluxia groaned, shuffling Sora’s pancakes (ugh, fine he knew Lauriam was making bacon pancakes but he was JUST doing the ‘X’s this time, ‘S’s and ‘R’s were TOO MUCH work!!!) to the side of the pan to crack in some eggs, “You guys weren’t even physically THERE for that one!!”

Tilting his head back with the force of his rolled eyes, Marluxia huffed. “Look, that so-called ‘doctor’ was full of shit. But La-La’s just talks and, like, tells him to do art and see other doctors. Sure, sure, eventually the goal is for him to feel better more, but you think that’s happening anytime soon? Why wouldn’t we cash in a special talent while we can?”

Kairi shrugged sheepishly–look, she couldn’t control Namine–as Sora’s eyes lit up with interest. “You’re doing art, Lauriam? What kind?”

Lauriam glanced over with a sheepish smile. “It’s not anything big, don’t get too many ideas. But I was getting frustrated with some of the things I already knew, so, actually, the Ouma gave me some suggestions for new things to try out.”

No one had specified the type of egg, so as he carefully spatula’d out Sora’s pancakes, he left them sunny-side up and sprinkled salt and pepper on top of the eggs to finish them up. “This thing called ‘needle-felting’ seems pretty cool, actually, but it looks like a lot of the beginner projects are good for rounded, blobby shapes, and I didn’t have any ideas. But for cotton-batting…”

Tucking the spatula under an arm, he came back to the table, setting Sora’s plate down in front of him while waving for Kairi and Riku to lean away as he slid their eggs right from the pan to their plates. “It’s taking fine, loose cotton and saturating it with glue to layer into shapes. Apparently it’s a good way to make posable, lightweight dolls if you make a wire frame to layer on. I’m, uh…”

Lauriam’s expression became more hesitant even as he turned away from his siblings to bring the pan back to the stove. “I’m making a little doll of Zyvix.”

Sora bowed his head in gratitude, before starting to inhale the new pancakes. Kairi and Riku both nodded before doing the same. The three eagerly eating their extra portions…

The atmosphere became a little heavy, as Kairi smiled a little sadly. “Yeah? That’d be nice…”

Again, that heavy silence. 

“...what do you think he would have liked, about the world outside the factory?” Riku asked. It wasn’t the first time they had had a conversation like this. The scenarios changed, but the point never did. “Sometimes I think the people, but I don’t know, maybe it would have been overwhelming.”

“Viz would have liked the people,” Kairi murmured.

“I think he would have liked the tapestries,” Sora smiled, “Back in Luminary, I mean. Though, maybe here too? He liked colors and shapes. There’s lots of fun colors and shapes here.”

“You kidding?” Marluxia snorted, though there was no harshness to it as he sat back down, subconsciously rolling his eyes a little at Lauriam’s plate as he reached for the jam, “He’d’ve lost his mind at phones. He’d be calling everyone in Luminary every day and when they’d point out he could just send a regular message, he’d blow out the speakers yelling about how cool calling someone is.”

Sniffing, Marluxia shrugged as he chomped down on a jam-smeared ‘M’ pancake, “Tho’ ‘uu ‘ave a poin’, Sora--’e ushed t’ talk ‘bout fashion a lo’. E’d li’ it here.”

“Oh, right, phones… but who would he have called?” Kairi asked, tilting her head curiously, “Everyone we know is an Empath.”

“Shhh,” Riku whispered, glancing meaningfully at the closed kitchen door, “Someone could be listening. Don’t use the E word.”

“Oh, oh, hold on, I’ve been practicing!” Sora said, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Another. Three… “...okay, either no one’s there, or it’s not working. How does Xigbar do it so easily?”

“Though, I’ve seen the Ribatans talking about the phones. I think a few of them are considering making some calls. I think they’re still afraid to, though,” Kairi said, “Except for Xigbar and your mom, none of them were in long enough to lose touch with everyone they know. Maybe they’ll finally call someone someday.”

“...do you think Viz had anyone she would have wanted to know what happened to her?” Riku asked. 

Thus Marluxia’s point. It didn’t matter if everyone Zyvix had known was an Empath--phones were cool and new tech, and worth trying out just because of those facts, regardless of how efficient the act of talking was. The conversation wasn’t the point. 

Working more on breakfast, Marluxia raised an eyebrow at Sora before snorting and shaking his head a little. Little nerds all of them, working on their abilities. (Well, not like he hadn’t been either.)

But Lauriam glanced down at the mention of his mom and swallowed what was in his mouth.

“I couldn’t say,” Lauriam answered Riku after a moment, eyes slightly distant with memory, “If she talked about anyone outside the factory, it sure wasn’t to me. I think she only stopped calling me a baby around when you guys showed up.”

“Everyone else talked about their time before the factory. Little bits and pieces. But not Viz,” Riku said, shrugging a little. Like he wasn’t a little hurt, thinking about his mentor never confiding anything personal to him, despite all their time together. “Sort of felt like she had always been there… I wish she had…”

Riku’s throat tightened, briefly. The sentiment trapped on his tongue… before he sighed and went back to his eggs. “Nevermind. She’d have laughed at me for wishing anything. Things were how they were, and are how they are. Delusions are for Indentured.”

“I miss them too,” Sora said softly.

“...yeah,” Riku muttered.

Lauriam just looked at Riku for a moment before sighing softly and snagging a few more strawberries left over. “Delusions are for Indentured, but dreams are for everyone. What happened happened, but wishing things had happened differently just means you’re a person that wants things, I think. That cares about things, and people. And none of that can change the past, but it can change the future you choose for yourself.”

“You’ve gotten him philosophizing before 10, and Dilan isn’t even here,” Marluxia groaned, “What’d I do to be surrounded by brats?”

“You told us to come!” Sora gasped.

“He’s right, you did do that.” Riku nodded.

Kairi blinked, before looking at the door. “Someone’s coming.”

The kitchen door opened, and in walked Kaito. There was a distraction in his eyes that made it obvious that even when he glanced over at the kitchen counters to follow the presence of people, he wasn’t actually seeing them for several seconds. His brow creasing in slight confusion, before he processed what he was seeing and his vision cleared. “Ah, my bad. You guys using the third floor kitchen a bit longer? I can come back.”

Marluxia stuck his tongue out at his brothers, before they all turned to watch the Prince Consort of Dicea totter into the kitchen like he was in a fever dream. And, really, Marluxia could only raise an eyebrow. 

“You good?”

“Mhm,” Kaito hummed distractedly, rubbing the back of his neck as he glanced at the stove. “In a bit of hot water. Gotta bake some stuff… but, uh, it can wait! You four look like you’re having a good time.” Kaito grinned, giving the three teens a pleasant–if somewhat wary–nod of encouragement. “No worries, I’ll come back. Everything good with you three? You guys heard about your appointments, right?”

“Yes,” Sora said, Kairi nodding while Riku just looked a little tense, “We did… uh, your grace.”

Kaito waved his hand lightly, like he was going to say they didn’t need to call him that, but the words died on his tongue as he glanced away. More on his mind as he said, “Good, good. Easy stuff, all good. Alright!”

Kaito nodded, giving the four another encouraging look, before heading off. 

“...did he imply he had a ‘baking’ emergency?” Riku asked.

“I’ve heard he and Prince Kokichi have been fighting. I think it’s about you,” Kairi said, looking to Lauriam and Marluxia, “Maybe your weird emotion bakery thing will settle that.”

“Oh! Can you do that!?” Sora gasped, “Put your emotions into actual baked goods?”

“I… hmmm,” Riku hummed, Kairi also suddenly looking perplexed. Neither of them willing to say ‘no’ right away.

“He’s a total weirdo,” Marluxia rolled his eyes, “If there’s someone who could invent something like a baking emergency, Kaito could do it.”

Though Lauriam could only let out a slightly irritated sigh from Marluxia’s blasé note. “I know that’s true, Kairi, at least right after we got attacked. Though Kokichi seemed pretty normal the other day.” Enough that Lauriam hadn’t felt awkward about being a point of argument between two of the most powerful men in the country he was currently living in, at least. So…

Lauriam narrowed his eyes for a moment, looking back at the door. “...you really want an answer to that?” 

“The baking thing? Kind of?” Sora said, blinking, “I mean, we were arguing that emotions can be eaten because it’s sort of physical, right? But how would you get it in a cookie?”

It was more of a gaff than anything. Lauriam didn’t really think Kaito would have that sort of answer. But it was something that’d annoy the elite bastard while also being exactly what he’d initially intended, and…maybe Lauriam could figure out just what in hellfire those looks to his siblings were about. 

“Okay,” Lauriam said quietly, before he got up and started to jog out the door, trying to catch Kaito before he walked too far away.

“Hey! Kaito!”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, what’s up?” Kaito asked, looking back down the hall from where he had been wandering, “You guys done with the kitchen after all? Really, don’t hurry, I need to collect ingredients anyway. I think maybe this is a macaron situation… though maybe that’s too ambitious…”

Lauriam drew himself up, head high as he crossed his arms. “Figure out what you’re doing quick, because you’re teaching my siblings how to put emotions into food.”

“...like with… love?” Kaito squinted at Lauriam, “...uh, you kind of worded it in a weird way, but sure. I can teach the, uh…” that sudden, wary look again, “...teens. How to make something. Pies might be easier. I’ll go get some ingredients for pies. Hey, uh–”

Kaito leaned to the side, looking past Lauriam. “Do you have favorite fruits?”

“Eep!” Kairi said, trying to jerk back from where she had been peeking around the door frame. She immediately knocked Riku and Sora’s legs out from under them doing so, since they were also peeking around the frame. “Ow! Get off!”

Kaito watched the three teens fight to try to get off of each other, before murmuring, “I’ll just see what we have extra of in the kitchens.” Before heading off.

Lauriam narrowed his eyes more. The hell did Kaito have against the Heart Trio? They were the coolest 16-year-olds on the planet!! They were kind and clever and determined and the kind of people you always wanted to have your back because they’d never let you down. WHO THE FUCK WOULDN’T APPRECIATE THAT?!?!?

Tsking, Lauriam rolled his eyes before heading back into the kitchen. He let them squirm in their floor pile as he headed to the things he’d left out from making breakfast. “Well, we’ll get one shot at an answer. Anyone want any last pancakes or bacon before I put things away?”

Three hands went up.

-

“Alright, so! We’re making something with love! Right?” Kaito said, standing with his arms behind his back and his legs slightly apart in front of the three teens, who were all three lined up roughly at attention, standing in front of the food stations Kaito had set up across the counter for them, “Something from the heart! Something that shows we care!?”

“Yes!” Sora said, standing more at attention.

“Uh,” Riku said, “Sort of…?”

“I feel like we didn’t really explain what we meant–” Kairi tried to clear up, but was interrupted as Kaito started to pace back and forth in front of them.

“Yeah, exactly, what do we mean by making something with love? What does it mean to love someone? Is it just a feeling, something we harbor within ourselves? Is it an action? A mutual understanding?” Kaito paused, glaring at nothing, clearly concerned by the answer… before he said, “Today, it’s making pie shells! Getting premade pie shells is fine for most things! Low-stakes PTA meetings where the real assholes aren’t going to show up. Introducing yourself to new neighbors. Even, occasionally, dinner desserts! But! For apology pastries–”

“What?” Riku whispered, Sora just shrugging.

“--you gotta make the shells! Love is effort! Maybe!” Kaito paused, before grinning at the teens, “Okay, so here’s how to make dough for the shell! Just follow what I do at my station, this part is easy!”

The teens turned around to their food stations, Kaito going to the other side of the counter where his was set up, starting the process for them to copy. For as sporadic as he was in almost every other context, he had a clear way of explaining things when he was teaching, keeping things short and simple and repeating himself when he came to a bit he considered trickier than others. He watched the teens go through the process before moving on to the next bit, explaining the purpose of each practice as he went. “No, seriously, respect the baking soda. I know it’s just a bit we’re using, but this small amount makes or breaks the recipe, and that’s true every time you ever see baking soda listed as an ingredient. No substitutes, exact amount!”

It’d been said before, it’d be said again, you always had to preface that Kaito was a weird guy. That set in your head, a rule of the universe? Okay. 

All in all, Kaito wasn’t weird to Lauriam’s siblings. He rambled a bit, but his directions were coherent, he never suddenly approached them, he didn’t talk to them like they were idiots or scared animals if they had questions. Lauriam kept a close eye on things, of course, as he cleaned up from breakfast and then just settled back to watch, but he was comforted by how he didn’t need to. 

That didn’t mean he wasn’t a heckler, though. 

Sitting back on a stool to the side of the workspace counter, keeping out of the way, Lauriam smirked. “So you’re making a love and respect pie today? Sure that pairs with blackberry?”

It wasn’t the height of berry season yet, but even so the kitchens were still bursting with more blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, and some weird thing called gooseberries than they could preserve. Which made for a lucky break in looking for extras to make into pies.

“Man I hope so,” Kaito muttered, before grinning as he picked up some cinnamon, “Now, to add a little zest to our shells, once we’re done lining them in the pan? Lets go ahead and add a light layer of this! I have been told that it gets entirely buried and no one can taste it, but I think they are wrong and you super can! Now, grab a fork! We’re about to make some holes.” 

As Kaito showed the teens how to poke little holes in the lined out dough, Kairi once again tried to clear up the misunderstanding. “Prince Kaito, um, so… well, you’re married to one of the most powerful Empaths in the world–”

“Man, I really am.” Kaito frowned, still poking more holes. “With an important job! He has such an important job. I have to remember that. I can’t be ungrateful. He makes a lot of sacrifices and does a lot to take care of not just me, but the family, and also the country, I guess. Which matters and I care about! I am his prince consort, I care. Okay! How are our holes looking? Seriously, more holes the better. I don’t entirely understand why it works the way it does, but the dough will cook unevenly if you don’t just mess it up with itty bitty little holes.”

Kaito went to inspect the three teens’ pie shells, before nodding. “Alright, let’s let these guys cook, and while they’re cooking we’ll start working on the filling. To the stoves!” 

Lauriam tilted his head slightly, looking Kaito over. Were…the princes arguing because Kaito didn’t want Kokichi to do his job? The one that protected Lauriam’s family, got them citizenship and the ability to travel to Dicea in the first place while not surviving on scraps and the income of a teenager, and made it so Lauriam wasn’t in trouble with the law within his first few weeks there? 

But…that didn’t really track to how Kaito had acted before. It really had seemed like he wanted them all safe too…

Lauriam bit the inside of his cheek a bit, before clearing his throat. “Hey, you came here for apology food anyway. You ever gonna make good on giving apologies to everyone else?” Lauriam nodded towards his siblings. 

(He hadn’t heard them mention anything about Kaito offering them an apology like the one he had given Lauriam, so he figured it hadn’t happened yet.)

“Apologies?” Kairi asked, subtly trading her strawberries with Riku’s blackberries. Kaito had made some assumptions of tastes when he had passed out the fruit bowls. Riku then took Sora’s apples and nudged over the blueberries, which Sora happily accepted.

“Oh! Oh, uh…” Kaito again gave the three teenagers a brief, deeply wary look. He looked a bit like a man being asked to hand treats to a dog he did not entirely trust, as he said a touch uncertainly, “I mean, I can, uh, yeah, I can do one now…”

But Kaito just stood there. Fidgeting and uncertain. “Do what?” Riku finally asked.

“...I will. Get back to you. On that.” Kaito said, grinning suddenly, “Hey, let’s talk about love! You guys wanted to learn how to make pastries with love, right?”

“Well, with emotion,” Kairi clarified. 

“Right, I get you. Sometimes love has many different emotions connected to it. Excitement! Contentment! Warmth. Alright, grab your bowls and let's start making the filling. We’re going to have whole pieces of fruit as well, but most of the pie is going to be mashed filling. So grab your grinders, we’re gonna grind some fruit! With excitement, contentment, warmth!” 

Kaito grabbed his, starting to mash his own fruit carefully within the bowl… before chuckling lightly, “I mean, love isn’t only good feelings. I don’t think so, anyway. Sometimes there’s other stuff that sort of… proves the rule! Of how valuable it is! Urgency. Commitment!” Kaito ground the fruit harder, “Anxiety! Anxiety is its own form of love. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something. Gotta be ready for the anxious, difficult sides of it. If you’re not ready for that, you’re not actually in it for the long haul! You might as well just get high, if you’re looking for the first three with no drawbacks.”

“...do you think anxiety will get into the filling?” Kairi tried. She was trying so, so hard to make this work for Lauriam and Marluxia. “Like, literally?”

“Maybe! If you can make something with love, you can make something with anxiety! Why not?” Kaito grinned, “Let’s add some pepper!”

Perhaps more than any talk of emotions, Lauriam glared so sharply at Kaito that perhaps the ozone of it all would flavor the pies. All those months ago, when they had talked and Kaito had hinted at a person within him that wasn’t just a total asshole, he’d said that sometimes an apology from the wrong person was all you got, but it still filled a hole you didn’t know you wanted. Someone taking in the hurt in your life and apologizing, acknowledging that it sucked and shouldn’t have happened. 

More than that, Kaito had said Lauriam’s whole family could get an apology from the one fucking Momota who could and would actually give a sincere one. And now it was, ‘I’ll get back to you’?? ‘It’ll happen later’??

What, could Kaito not look some innocent kids in the face as he apologized for how his family had enslaved them?!?

Lauriam visibly seethed at Kaito.

And Marluxia let out an exasperated breath. “Pepper? What kind of flavor are you trying to build, fancy pants? And you’re probably right about one thing--not just love, but any emotion takes effort.” He tilted his head a little towards Kairi. “If anything’s going to get in food, it’ll probably take more than just talking about the concept of emotions.”

Kaito glanced at Lauriam, winced, and looked back to mixing things with his filling. “It counterbalances the sweetness or sharpness of the fruit. Kind of like how it balances salt. Pepper’s a good counteragent to most flavors. When you eat berry pies, you don’t want them to taste like berries with a pie crust around it. You want it to be its own flavor.”

“As for the concepts and stuff, uh… I mean, I like to think the act of creating something for someone you love is what actually shows that care and attention. It’s the effort. Love is effort, it’s intentional. It’s–” ding “Shells are ready! Let’s get them out of the oven! Grab your oven mitts!”

Kaito watched carefully as the teens one by one took their shells out, correcting Riku’s form when he worried the boy wasn’t leaning enough to avoid burning his arm on the shelving as he went for his. “Alright, let it cool for just a bit, and we’ll make out top strips while it’s doing so! This is the last real ‘cooking’ bit before just assembly and letting it all sit in the oven a bit longer. See, pies aren’t so hard! Now, grab your dough!”

“But Prince Kaito, we really haven’t gotten into what we actually want to know, which is–”

“Lauriam and Marluxia wanna feed emotion eaters with stuff like this,” Sora said, “How do we put emotions into the food?”

“...eh?” Kaito said, giving him a baffled look, “What now?”

Marluxia gave Kaito a look that gave nothing. He could cook, but… (Lauriam, and thus Marluxia from what he learned from Lauriam, were more ‘survival’ cooks than anything. The food they made tasted fine, they could follow recipes, and things they put together on their own would at the very least keep you going for another day. No, the real chef among the Empaths was…)

{Hey First Place, is that true?} Marluxia whispered to Riku. 

Though, as the real reason for the cooking lesson came out, Lauriam let out a small sigh. 

Putting his hands on his hips, his lidded look at Kaito was challenging. “Marluxia and I are planning on setting up a business to feed the kind of people like who attacked us--the people that eat negative emotions. Kairi, Sora, and Riku wondered if you could just put emotions like that into food instead, and since you were making emotional food today? You said you needed to be baking anyway.”

{I mean, kinda. Eating just mashed strawberries is a thing in some recipes, but for the most part you mash them because you’re mixing them. Though, I’d mix with sugar or caramel or something, not pepper.}

At Lauriam’s explanation, Kaito again just gave them a baffled look… looked down uncertainly at his filling… before taking his fork and eating a bit of the filling.

“...I have no idea. I can’t taste emotions,” Kaito murmured, before his eyes squinted, “But I think if you could, you’d have to consider how the emotion would change the flavor as an ingredient? I’ve been told a lot of negative emotions have what I would consider more savory flavors. Good for maybe bitter counterparts to the sweetness of desserts, like a dark chocolate, or maybe more suited for meat pies and such… You want to feed them!?”

Kaito paused… before looking a little grim. “‘Kichi’s gonna be so damn smug about it. But in that way where he’s too high and mighty to be smug. He’s gonna give me that little smile he gets where it’s like ‘oh, Kaito’. Damn.” Kaito looked down at the filling. “What would that taste like with this? Might substitute the pepper honestly… sorry, I really have no idea if your guys’ idea works… oh!”

Kaito looked at the door. “But if you all agree to close your eyes? I think someone’s in the castle right now who could tell us if it did.”

Hmph! So his question was soooooo warranted! Honestly he had questions about the cinnamon earlier, but that was normal for apple pies so he hadn’t thought it was worth bringing up. 

Lauriam shrugged a little. “I haven’t exactly done a flight and asked for tasting notes, but I’ve heard things for savory and sweet.” His ire eased a bit as he went to rub the back of his neck, but quickly aborted the motion into scratching the back of his head. “...I guess if I do cook things, though, it’d help knowing what flavors I’m putting in.”

Growling a small, “What’s your damage?” to Kaito, Lauriam huffed again. “If they’re the kind of person that eats emotions, I’d like to meet them, actually. I still have to figure out how the crap I’m going to advertise anything.”

Kaito pouted. What? He was helping! Ugh, no one was ever happy with him. 

“Just wait here. Or, keep making your strips, and then put the filling in the pie and the strips criss cross on top of it, and put it back in the oven! I’ll be back!”

Kaito hurried off.

-

Tim’s class was on a trip to the castle that day, mostly to burn things with acid.

The castle had a laboratory for public use that was a little better equipped than the one at the elementary school, partly because the castle kept ingredients there that the school didn’t, as a rule, want a bunch of elementary school kids having easy access to. But these slightly dangerous ingredients were still useful in learning practical application in certain chemical theories, and kids tended to love seeing things explode or melt, so the school still logged the space in the castle at times to let the teachers wow and amaze their students with what science could really do.

For the most part, this was great for Tim. After class, he didn’t have to go anywhere, and he and his friends could go hang out like normal. Also, he had found that living in the castle in the non-temporary floor gave him some clout, the other kids a little wowed and impressed by everyone in the castle being familiar with Tim–and Cali and Kimiko, but his two friends were being cool enough to let Tim have His Moment–as he had casually walked them through the castle area to the lab. 

All pluses… except for one possible situation, which wasn’t likely to happen anyway, where his dad might pull one of his Dad stunts and do something embarrassing like– “Mr. Cendril, I need to adult-nap you! Is class almost over?” Kaito asked, bursting into the room… before grinning and waving at Timothy, “Hey Timmy! Everything going good, bud? Having fun?”

Timothy put his head in his hands and groaned as some of the kids snickered around him.

Ascher loved lab day. 

All things going well, none of the kids would get errantly splashed with any dangerous chemicals, so it wasn’t like parent-teacher conference day in how he liked it akin to a buffet, but it was a delight to other senses seeing their wonder at the destructive force of chemistry. And it let him pass on important lessons in fun ways, such as ‘mixing hydrochloric acid and hydrogen peroxide makes something called piranha solution that will burn holes straight through you!’ and ‘while they’re both in cleaning supplies, mixing ammonia and bleach makes chloramine which is outlawed as a tactical gas due to an incident resulting in the deaths of 1200 people!’

And one of his favorites, ‘it’s not chemistry, but it’s theoretically possible to combine hydrogen in a way that results in an explosive force that could wipe out a city!’ And no, Ava, he didn’t need another pro bono therapy session this century, thanks~

So Ascher was having a blast showing off lab experiments to his class, and could only grin at the interruption. Especially from a parent who now knew that he was feeding off his child, whew that was a conversation. “Ah, Mr. Tim’s Dad, welcome to class. I’m afraid even after our lab time, we’re all heading back to Hillridge, so unless you’re looking to brush up on some chemical reactions…?” Ascher left a pause, as if Kaito would really agree to that, “Then you’ll need to wait until after-school office hours.”

Dr. Mariah had, during a discussion about demon issues the city was facing, told Kokichi about Ascher to offer a second opinion about what they were all facing as a community. Kokichi had then felt obligated to tell Kaito and Maki about the situation, and Kaito and Maki had talked to Tim, and once it was determined Tim didn’t feel bad about going to class outside of normal kid stuff, such as not wanting to do lessons some days? Cool, fine, it was all good. They had dealt with the demon revelation like six months ago, they were caught up.

Kaito glanced around at the classroom of children, doing some quick mental math… before he sighed, “Alllllright. I wanted to ask you about bringing freshly baked pies for the class, but if there’s no time for pies–”

“What? Pies?” Cali called, eyes suddenly brightening, “What kind of pies!?”

Oh Prince Kaito, you trickster.

Bianka leaned forward, clearly interested as well, before she thrust an accusing finger towards Kaito. “This is a pure tactic of manipulating the narrative! Prince Kaito, according to Tim you studied science in college, so you should know one of the first lab rules is to never eat in a lab!!”

“Alright, alright, Bianka, innocent until proven guilty, right? Let’s give Tim’s Dad the benefit of the doubt,” Ascher said with a laugh in his voice and a sharp glee in his eyes, “It’s probably been a long time since he’s been in a lab, and he’s coming over with a kind offer.”

Lightly gesturing a hand--away from any lab equipment, thanks--Ascher said, “We are breaking to have lunch in the castle today, Kaito--booked room 145 downstairs. Just like standard school days, parents are welcome to come by during lunch, so if you’d like to meet us there, I’m sure it’d be a nice treat. Right, everyone?”

Kaito had been coming to PTA meetings long enough to know to label ingredients, so there wasn’t any worry about allergies. Aw…he just wanted to show off to his son while they were at their home, cute. And Kaito would be far from the first parent to do so on field trips.

Kimiko gasped in wonder, as she earnestly and sincerely asked, “Mister Kaito, you went to school?” 

“I wouldn’t expect you guys to eat it in here and–wait, yeah? Why say it like that? Of course I went to school–anyway! Perfect! Four freshly baked pies, coming to room 145! Hey, that kinda rhymes!” Kaito grinned happily, ignoring Tim’s head sinking further into his arms in embarrassment, “Okay, see you there!”

He raced out, back to the kitchens.

-

“Do you think it’s ready now?” Sora asked, he, Kairi, and Riku all squatted in front of the oven, looking through the window.

“Maybe… it does look like it’s browning. Still tough to say,” Riku frowned, “Wish he had told us for how long to put it back. Cooked goes to burnt real quick.”

“We could open it to check?” Kairi said.

“It’d let some of the heat out, make it harder to time.”

“But we don’t have a time to base it off of.”

“True…”

“Okay nevermind the closing your eyes thing, I’m very bad at keeping secrets, we’re going to a classroom with the pies!” Kaito shouted, bursting back into the kitchen, “Don’t be weird about it! Also take those out they’ve been in too long. Can’t you smell it?”

Lauriam had made an involved breakfast for his siblings because he had woken up after days of bedrest and felt…okay. More like himself than he had in a bit, with energy to face the day if not the courage to.

That did not mean he was entirely recovered from his attack, and in fact nothing about what he had done over the past months and change meant he was entirely recovered from falling into a coma that nearly killed him, or from over half his life of frequent physical abuse, environmental distress, and malnourishment. Lauriam’s body was one that ran on survival mode. 

So Kaito’s shout jolted him from where he had been flagging at the counter, and Lauriam could only let out a groaning scoff. “What, we look like Ienzo or Isa to you?”

“Shut up, I’m trying to make your stupid idea work, everyone work with me here! Did I go to school? I’m educated! I’m highly educated! Everyone else is stupid. Let’s pull out those pies and get them on some cake trays, there’s a room full of hungry kids who are about to consider you their favorite people today!”

“We’re feeding kids?” Sora asked, pulling out his pie and putting it on the counter as Kaito inspected it, “Are they emotion-eating kids?”

“No, but they are pie-eating kids, and we have four pies. More than enough. It's their teacher we need to talk to,” Kaito explained, inspecting Kairi and Riku’s next, before pulling out his own, “Great job! These look fantastic! Let’s do a quick fork check, but I think they’re going to be cooked all the way through, you gave it enough time. Now to see if they’re full of anxiety!”

“I thought you were making them with love?” Kairi asked.

“Anxiety, love, let’s see what got in!” Kaito said cheerfully, picking up his pie tray. “Come on, we gotta go set up on the first floor! Hup-hup-hup!”

“You shut up,” Lauriam grumbled, seething at Kaito’s comments even as he bolstered himself up more. But even his ire was paused as he looked the teens over when Kaito explained just what they were doing with the pies now. Any nerves or worries over…seeing a bunch of kids, he guessed. Ready at any sign to assure they didn’t have to go, they could just look through him while he handled it, but mostly they seemed…fine. So…it’d be fine. 

It’d be--

-

Oh man there were a lot of little kids.

The room they’d headed to was pretty empty when they got there, only a few housekeepers Lauriam recognized around the castle coming in and out and apparently setting up lunch for the visiting school class in lieu of the school-provided lunch. Surprised to see Kaito there, and a short woman with bright red hair pulled him to the side, though while her expression was stern and pretty intense, Kaito seemed more relaxed talking with her than Lauriam had seen him all morning. 

But after setting up the pies, Lauriam had been prepared to hang back, probably out of the room since it was weird for a random adult to watch an elementary class eat, but as he saw the little hoard of kids coming down the hall--

“Whoa!!” Bianka gasped, not quite running up to Lauriam, but certainly waving a notebook she whipped out of nowhere at him, her eyes trained on the wounds on his neck, “Excuse me!! Do you have time for an interview?!”

Ahhhhhh stampede– 

“Hi! I’ve seen you around! I saw you practicing sword stances!” Cali said, running up to Riku, a few curious children lingering with her to look up at the handsome teenage boy with a mix of awe and shyness, as Cali boldly said, “Do you duel!? I’ve been learning how to spar!”

“Uh… I think someone told me that was illegal here or something…” Riku said, sweating as the kids around Cali giggled, like Riku was the funniest person they had ever heard. 

“Woooooow, you’re so pretty,” Kimiko gasped up at Kairi, who smiled uncertainly back at her. “...why do your clothes have so many giant zippers on it though? Oh! Are you not from Dicea? Mommy says fashion can vary greatly from country to country. That’s why Mister Kaito sometimes wears way too much clothing for the weather, and other times not enough. Because of fashion,” Kimiko said softly, like it was the saddest thing she ever heard.

“Kimiko, you and I need to have a whole conversation,” Kaito grumbled, before using his free hand to wave the kids back, “Alright, alright, to the tables! You can harass the new people all you want later, your food is getting cold! No one is getting pies until you start eating what the kitchen staff has been making for you all day, I have been told, so don’t think you’re ruining your appetites! Go eat so you can get warm pies!”

“Except you,” Kaito said, pointing to the teacher, “I need you.”

“No comment for now, but believe I’ll have a big story soon~” Marluxia grinned sharply at the little girl in front of him, his ego puffing up to incredible sizes at the stars in her eyes she got from that response, before quickly following Kaito’s call to sit with her friends. 

And as his students got settled, Ascher came over to Kaito, eyebrows arched in amusement. “Alright, I’ll hand it to you, you’ve out student-wrangled me, Father of Tim. Is this more of a hallway conversation?”

“Eh? Oh, sorry. I see Tim, Kimiko, Cali, and Bianka, I just fall into certain habits.” Kaito grinned sheepishly, the kids all scurrying to the tables to start eating. “That’s my bad. But, yes! The hallway!” Kaito paused, before tactfully adding, “Please!”

Kaito was still holding his own pie as he headed out into the hallway, motioning for Lauriam to follow. Taking a quick look around to see if anyone was lingering nearby, Kaito turned to Ascher and said, “We have emotion eating questions.”

“...oh?” Ascher said slowly, glancing to Lauriam as they stood in the hallway. “I suppose you might--one of the worse oni attacks I’ve seen in a long time. This seems a little urgent, though, if you didn’t consult my associate you know better, Prince Kaito.”

Lauriam’s eyes widened slightly. Oni…? Was that what they were called? He supposed Dr. Mariah’s point still stood, but that word really didn’t mean anything to him. In fact, there was something else more personal this teacher said. “You saw…? You were one of the people that found me?”

Ascher nodded, but before he could say anything more, Lauriam took a step back to bow deeply to the oni-man. “Thank you.” Lauriam couldn’t bring himself to incur a true life debt, but…well, Mr. Cendril and Dr. Mariah had likely saved his life by intervening when they did. It was the least Lauriam could do to thank them.

Though, Ascher looked a little surprised by the thanks, some of his cool demeanor stuttering. “Oh, it, uh… No worries. I’m just glad to see you on your feet again. I don’t think we were ever properly introduced, I’m Ascher Cendril, student wrangler and culinary emotion expert, apparently.”

Rising, and a little more used to Diceans at this point, Lauriam accepted the hand offered to him to shake. “Lauriam Dareka Belrose. Potential emotion chef, if all works out.”

“Come again?”

“Okay, see, that’s exactly what we want to talk to you about. Our guy Lauriam here–” Kaito said, transferring his pie to his other hand so he could clap Lauriam on the back, “--has a crazy idea that just might work! Maybe! At least in some context! But one context we’re exploring here, is how literal a phrase ‘made with love’ can be.”

Kaito took a fork and jabbed it into his pie, pulling out a still lightly steaming piece, as he explained, “Can whatever emotions, like, emit out that you guys gobble up, be soaked into food? How strong is it if it can be? Does it get stronger if you sit in the room with the food and just kinda think about your emotions a lot, or is the act of venting your feelings while you cook enough to have an effect? Is it a useful effect? Does my pie taste like love?? I mean, it is love, it’s one hundred percent love, but there’s so many other things that sometimes it’s just all so… I want it to be just warm and taste good and be full of love, but it doesn’t always feel like that and… anyway! Taste my pie!”

Kaito imploringly held the piece of pie out on his fork towards Ascher. Clearly heavily invested in the outcome.

The thing was. 

Okay. Maybe everything that made up ‘love’, made up someone’s experience of love, wasn’t entirely positive. But however the gods that made them delineated it, the whole encompassing feeling of love was something either considered ‘positive’, or considered ‘passionate’. Which meant that, over the millenia and universes as oni had experimented with ways to get their food, having a homecooked meal made with love meant…

It was pretty much no different from any other empty calories demons ate. 

Still, Ascher just gave Kaito an amused look before he ‘nom!’ed the pie at the end of the fork. Though, what he tasted was more surprising than he gave it credit for. Ascher was quiet as he chewed, both men clearly invested in his words, which were finally--

“Kaito, did you put cinnamon in a blackberry pie? That’s a fascinating choice.” Before Lauriam could sigh too much, though, Ascher smiled in amusement. “Also, yes, your fears and anxiety in wariness are coming through. That’s really more intriguing. A bit of frustration, maybe? Honestly that nip of lime does more for the blackberries than the cinnamon.”

“Ooooh, lime. That’s an interesting choice,” Kaito mused, looking more critically at his pie. But, he shook his head quickly, asking with earnest, “Okay, but more importantly! Does it help? Does it need more anxiety? Should I cry into the ingredients next time? Oh, that’d probably add some sea-salt flavor, that could be interesting.”

Ascher laughed lightly. “I feel like that’d violate some food and health safety laws. No, actually this is rather substantive.” Nodding to the two men, he explained, “It’s not like being around a full tantrum, but, well, it feels like food. Very fascinating, that…”

As he observed the pie with intrigue, he caught a glimpse of someone walking past the hall, and Ascher couldn’t help the laugh that filled his heart. Oh this would be hilarious.

“Ah, an Elder Di Carmelo jumps out from tall grass,” Ascher waved over Elia, not immune to his students’ Pokemon propaganda. “How’ve you been, Elia, I hope Elijah and Gabriel are well. Kaito and Lauriam here were just having me taste test this most intriguing pie--why don’t you give it a try?”

“Oh, hey, Mr. Cendril,” Elia waved, coming over with confused bemusement as she was flagged down. She gave Kaito a nod, and just a polite one to the other guy. “Yeah, Li and Gabe are good, Gabe’s stressing over graduation as you can imagine, and Li’s just ready for it to be here already. Your class having a castle field trip?”

“Oh!” Kaito grinned. It was a crooked thing. “Hi! Elia! Hello!”

Look… Kaito was grappling with a lot of emotions, the last few days. And some of those emotions… did not feel good or fair, when standing in front of Elia. In the same way that Kaito had known he was in no way ready to have a serious conversation with those kids up in the kitchen, apologizing to them, he knew if he talked to Elia, he’d be so… selfish. And self-centered. And awful. Monstrous. 

Kaito was not in a good place to gracefully handle anyone else's emotions. He was too busy wanting to rip branches off of more trees and hit flowers with it and throw his head into a river and scream a bit about stuff. Anything he brought up to anyone else? Would just become about him, if only in his own mind. A self-centered sort of misery that left no room for anyone else.

And he was conscious of it enough to want to avoid doing it, if he could. Which was a shame, because a part of him wanted to talk to Elia. Because she might get it. She was the other person around who loved Maki. But Elia loved Maki in all the correct ways. Not the terrible, selfish, ‘she burned the world for me’ ways. Which Kaito couldn’t talk to anyone about.

…well, Miss Crystal. Yeah, he should probably request a therapy appointment soon.

But definitely don’t talk to Maki’s actual, real girlfriend, who she was doing really well with and really loved! About the confusion of what Kaito’s feelings about Maki were creating for his other relationships! He didn’t love her like that, he was pretty sure. But it might sound that way if he tried to relate to Elia about it. Which wasn’t fair to Elia or Maki! Maki’s relationship was not in question, nor, in fact, was her and Kaito’s relationship in question. It wasn’t about that. 

Kaito just didn’t have a word anymore, for what it was.

It was just a feeling that choked him now.

“...you look nice!” Kaito complimented cheerfully, “Taking Maki-roll on a date?”

…geez, what the heck did Kaito have against this chick? Lauriam side-eyed Kaito hard.

“Thanks!” Elia matched Kaito’s tone, showing off her outfit a little, “And yeah, I was hoping to catch her and have lunch, maybe in one of the gardens, maybe take a walk. We’ve had a stretch of great weather; it’d be nice to take advantage of some of it.”

And maybe being out in some nature would be a nice sort of calm for Maki. A space for her to relax some of the feelings that had been…hard. For her lately. Elia wasn’t sure what was going on, but she trusted Maki’s privacy, and if Maki ever wanted to tell her, she’d be there. And in the meantime, she just wanted to support her girlfriend in any way she could, and maybe make a tough day a little easier.

“So, pie, huh?” she commented, not un-wary about Ascher’s encouraging nod, as she took a bite. And froze. 

(It was devotion. Not the devotion of old grannies at the park talking about the party for their 60th anniversary, nor the devotion of a family vowing to get through what felt like their world coming down. This was the devotion of a knight to their liege. Honor above all else, a cause one didn’t just devote their life to, but the very essence and matter of their being. The devotion that forced a pacifist into drawing blood to rectify the humiliation of their liege, the devotion that crusted blood along the edges of one’s soul from the armies, both friend and foe, they slaughtered for their liege’s vision.

But this wasn’t that devotion, that love, of the knight. It was of the liege, turning around on the hill that faced sunrise to truly look upon those red-soaked fields made so they could walk forward. Seeing the knight knelt at their foot, armor dented and cracked but eyes ever-focused, and truly grasping that ocean of love. 

And knowing that it would never be given back in turn. Not that nothing would ever be given, but nothing that would mirror for all the knight had given. Anger, because the liege had never asked for soul and mind and heart on top of body, for this great debt that they could never repay, and would never give back because they would have never gotten to this point without it, and that was something they cherished with all their heart. But not all their being. The liege had already sworn themself to something greater, just as the knight had done for them, but it wasn’t the knight. Would never be the knight. And so these pieces so inseparably linked with love were also wound by…)

(After hearing her story, Kether no longer wondered why the woman cried, or why they called her the Knight of Despair.)

“...what. Did you put in this. Kaito?” Elia said stiltedly, after too long of being motionless.

“Cinnamon?” Kaito frowned, looking worriedly down at his pie, “Are you… allergic?”

“Oh.” Elia said simply after a moment, her mauve eyes still distant. “...it reminds me of this pomegranate glaze I had on slow-smoked pork ribs, once. It’s the kind of thing you want to keep eating, but makes you feel pretty awful if you have too much…”

She blinked and shook her head a little. “...wow, sorry, I’m, uh… Maybe I’ll suggest enjoying the sun indoors, maybe I was out for too long. I’ll…catch you later, Kaito. Nice to see you again, Mr. Cendril, and nice to meet you, Lauriam, was it? Have a nice day.”

And Elia quickly hurried away.

Aw, a shame. Her reaction tasted like a nice cool gazpacho to Ascher~

“Always flitting in and out of the skies, the Di Carmelos,” Ascher hummed amusedly, before he gave Kaito and Lauriam a smile. “Well, here’s your answer--I think you’re on the right track. And if this idea works out, I’ll be sure to spread the word--safer for everyone to snag some bread over a few heads.”

“Hey, one sec,” Marluxia interjected from the tidy sign off, “What the fuck was that?”

“Did I accidentally put pomegranate in my pie?” Kaito pouted, looking down at it… before his brow furrowed, “Did we even have pomegranate? Weird. I hope the blackberries weren’t off.”

Kaito blinked down at the pie in puzzled bewilderment. Once. Twice… before he looked at Marluxia. “No, you have a point: the hell was that?”

“The fuck you have against, look, I don’t even care about your relationship; that chick dating the Reaper?” Marluxia wrinkled his nose. “She was spacing hard. All I got was blue? And something…”

Marluxia had no idea how to even begin to describe the emotions that had been coming off the goth woman. They had been so…complex, and add in that she wasn’t exactly screaming them out or anything, all that he had caught ambiently was so muddled he couldn’t make heads or tails. 

Clicking his tongue, Marluxia glanced around to check if Kairi--or Namine--had been peeking in for that. 

Ascher shrugged. “Pulled in someone with a good palette for a second opinion taste test.”

{◑.◑}

{◑.◑;;}

{◑o◑ Don’t look at me, I’m not sure what that was either.}

Namine–little light creature that she currently was–hadn’t been able to resist taking a peek into Elia once those strong emotions seemed to have swept her further into her own mind. And what she had seen had been… confusing. 

In a literal sense, it had been what Namine could only call a monster looking sadly at what she could only call another monster. And maybe in some sense, that is what Elia had been picturing… had the way she felt about the two creatures not made them both so much more than that. 

A colorful, spinning, small branch of the universe made physical, watching with regret the piece of itself that it considered its greatest creation as that piece–beautiful and imposing and strong and ruined–writhed in agony at the contradictions of its own existence. A story, doomed inherently by its own narrative, that the piece of the universe made manifest had spun into being and set off like clockwork, only to realize at the final hour that it took no joy in the tragic tale it had told. An author with regrets, as her character wept and pleaded for a more gentle ending.

It was beautiful, in a terrible, aching way… and made no sense. Namine had no idea what she was looking at.

Only that whatever complicated thing this was? The blackberry pie with a hint of cinnamon had reminded the angel–oh.

{◑.◑ she’s an oni too. But a different kind. Called Angels.}

{◑.◑ Positive emotions}

{◑.◑ …}

{◑.◑ sort of. For the most part.}

“Oh man,” Kaito said at the same time as Namine was ‘whispering’ in Lauriam and Marluxia’s mind, “Is Elia… ya know…”

“An angel?” Marluxia muttered in confusion. “Dilan said some religions worshipped those, I think? Ugh, I guess we could figure out stuff for positive emotions too.”

Ascher blinked at Kaito for a moment. “....Well, I should get back to my class, make sure there hasn’t been an impromptu food fight. Thank you for the pie, Kaito, and I look forward to your upcoming business Lau--”

“Marluxia!” Marluxia cut in.

“Marluxia, all the best luck. Now, ta!” Ascher made his hasty escape.

“...he’s kind of a dick, sometimes,” Kaito said to Marluxia, “...to be honest, he’s also kind of only attractive when he’s a dick. He really makes it work.”

“And whyyyyy would I care?” Marluxia scoffed, “I have three boyfriends, if you recall.” He then raised an eyebrow at Kaito. “You all are so messy. Like, I know messy, and you are a disaster. Your fire-breather of a baby-mama’s girlfriend is a happiness-munching angel???”

“Oh my god, she is!? I thought she was a demon,” Kaito whispered, eyes bugging out a bit… before he gave his pie an even more confused look, “Wait, was the pomegranate a good emotion? Well, I mean, I guess I’m not unhappy. Just really confused and overwhelmed and… What, you can’t notice other people are attractive just because you’re in a relationship!? Just because you’re perfectly happy in a wonderful relationship with two amazing men, you can’t acknowledge that holy shit someone did something that was so much and fuck maybe that needs a better word than ‘best friend’, but what do you even call it and what if giving it a name makes everyone mad at you and–”

Kaito shut up, brow furrowed in despair… before he sighed, “Well, I didn’t walk out of my therapy session. From one disaster to another. Though, at least we found out your food emotion idea works? You just have to be real emotional when you’re cooking, I guess.”

“That’s what Nami said,” Marluxia shrugged, “And you were going on about making that pie with love for ages. Why’s it so surprising something could be positive out of that?”

And he had been about to interject to correct, uhhhhh dumbass, he just said he was in a relationship with three wonderful men, but, uh….

Kaito wasn’t talking about Marluxia, was he.

Though, he did gawk for a moment--WHO TOLD KAITO!?!--Marluxia just huffed and crossed his arms, standing back on his hip. “One, rude, that so-called doctor is a loser and doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Two--” For as blatantly dismissive as his expression was, there was something almost…supportively earnest in it. No subterfuge in what Marluxia was saying. “Who cares if people are mad? If you feel something, feel it, and it’s not your problem they’re pissed that you exist outside of them. If you want a word, create one, if nothing fits, feelings are enough. Words are just for people who don’t get it, so fuck them anyway.”

“Uh, excuse me, Miss Crystal is a loser who knows a lot more about feelings than either of us,” Kaito said dryly, a touch irritated… but it was hard to stay mad at the earnestness that came from Marluxia’s next point. Kaito sighing and holding his pie closer to himself as he looked at it sadly, “Maybe words are just for people who don’t get it, yeah. But I don’t get it. I don’t know what this is. And the thing is, I think it’s been this way for a long time, and we keep hurting each other because we don’t know what this is… Sorry, I know I’m not making any sense. I have a hard time not talking about myself when I’m like this. It’s a bad habit.”

Kaito looked down at his pie some more… before he grinned warily at Marluxia. “Want to eat an emotionally burdened pie with me? No one said it tasted bad. Also, knowing those kids, your teens are already doomed.”

“She doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about,” Marluxia growled, before he looked over Kaito for a moment. And he gave a beleaguered sigh. “Why do I always find the sadsaps…?”

“The Heart Trio can handle themselves around a few brats,” Marluxia waved off, unconcerned--mostly because none of them had spiked from anxiety or sent him a message yet, and Namine was apparently unconcerned enough to check up on him-- “It’s more like that teacher will have to wrangle a bunch of, what, 8- 9-year-olds wanting to swordfight for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Coooooooome on,” he sighed, ambling over to a seating set up in the hall, “Talk complicated relationships with me. If I can salvage my own, and this is me being truly too humble, I can make a dent in yours. And we’ll save everyone else from your bizarre flavor choices.”

Lauriam’s expression was truly dismayed to spend time with Kaito. “Shouldn’t let edible food go to waste…”

Kaito followed Marluxia to the table, but cocked his head slightly at the odd but dramatic shift in expressions at the last bit… “Oh, right. I forgot you were doing this, like, two at once thing. Um…” 

Kaito sat down, giving the two a confused look. “I guess I don’t actually know who it was I spent time with before? It was I want to say Marluxia? You came into my mind, did some tests, got mad at me. And I think it was still you when we kinda talked it out after that?”

Lauriam glowered at Kaito as he stabbed a bite from the pie and poutily munched at it. …yeaaaah that was strange. “I guess both of us, technically. Marluxia was base essence, then.”

Marluxia rolled his eyes, “Baby, you cannot get pouty about this. Go hang out with Zexion if you’re so offended.” Hearing the huff in his head, Marluxia continued, “Overly complicated, not worth thinking about. More like, I was Lauriam then, and the two of us were mixed together--so, I remember that, but it’s not how I would’ve handled things, and the only name we responded to then was Lauriam, unless you wanted to make us feel like shit.”

Kaito also took a bite, humming a bit as he tasted it. “...I keep trying to imagine it with lime. There’s probably something to that. Still! Not bad! Edible!” he said cheerfully, taking another proud bite, “Okay, so it sounds like I talked to you, Marluxia, the first time, and you, Lauriam, the second time. With Marluxia influence, but it was essentially Lauriam. Is Lauriam the one that hates me?”

“No, Lauriam when we did the tests, Lauriam when you apologized, and yes, he’s the one that hates you,” Marluxia smirked, “Which is a pretty feat, I’ll tell you. You should be honored, but he’d probably hate that too. Though I guess it wasn’t too difficult because you have the lineage and bank account to stroll past that finish line easy.”

Kaito sucked on the metal of his fork for a minute, mentally fixing his timeline… “Wait, does that mean this is the first time I’m meeting Marluxia?! Man, I really managed to confuse myself then, I thought it was the opposite for a while there. Sorry about that,” Kaito said, looking a little sheepish.

Though, he chuckled at the last line. “Momota hater? That’s super fair. I mean, we talked about that, it’s not a huge revelation or anything. And boy, I sure did do a lot of terrible things… if either myself, or done for me…”

Kaito’s eyes deadened a little. Taking another bite of his edible pie. “...well, no one’s ever accused me of being too damn relatable. Ngh… hey, what happened between you and Miss Crystal anyway? My husband didn’t go into specifics, just told me not to set up another appointment because the last one didn’t go well. I guess you don’t have to tell me either. I’m just being nosy.”

“Oh my GOOOOOOOOD,” Marluxia groaned, and don’t let the caps fool you, it was a pretty quiet exhalation of exasperation all things considered. “No, I meant the apology your husband had you give, where my boyfriend got all hot and bothered about breaking every bone in your hand. We, as in, hi, Marluxia absolutely here, as if you couldn’t tell, talked at that pub where you talked and apologized for other stuff.”

“Which, like, this is definitely in La-La’s favor, you’ve apologized to us for sooooo much, but after telling him the rest of our family could get that wittle-bit of consideration, and nothing coming of it?” Marluxia gave Kaito a casually disgusted look. “That’s really shitty. Like he told you before, they all lost their loved ones and lives and hopes and dreams and all that too. Get on that before we lose our patience.”

He sighed a little. “Though it’s more like, ‘Momota and the Entire Fucking Upper Class’ hater, and it’s not like I’m a damn boot-licker either. It just pisses him off to the nth degree when some loser sniffs down at him because they think they’re hot shit and wipe their tears with gold coins.” Honestly it pissed Marluxia off too, but…well, he felt a little distanced from Lauriam’s personal ire with Kaito. And it was a little funny to not really care about someone his Somebody hated to be in the same room with.

Though Kaito could damn push it. 

“Ugh, course that’s how you know… He probably heard it from Aeleus,” Marluxia groaned, leaning back and slumping down in his seat. “She just doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about, and I don’t have to sit around for no damn point. La-La’s already gonna be shooting up with who the hell knows what, that’ll be enough brain-juice fuckery for the both of us.”

“Ah, so that was you,” Kaito murmured, before sighing a bit at Marluxia’s callout, “I still want to offer that apology. I do. But if I offered it now? Or in the last few weeks, really. I wouldn’t be able to gracefully accept any sort of punishment. We talked about this, I’m already basically untouchable, physically and mentally. The least I could do is not be a weepy, whiny bitch about it when I offer it anyway. If I had tried anything today? It really wouldn’t have mattered how they reacted or what they wanted from me, I’d have ended up crying over something entirely unrelated. I can’t give an unselfish apology right now. I’m too selfish at the moment.”

“...and talking to teenagers scares me.” Kaito admitted, shifting uncomfortably, “They get so mad at me all the time about everything, and I have no idea how to respond to that in not-crazy ways. At least your boyfriend knew what he wanted and I knew I could react however I wanted to that. Arguing with and apologizing and sympathising with adults, people who are on the same playing field as you, is almost easy, in comparison to talking to a teenager. I don’t know how to be a reliable adult to teenagers, I don’t know how to empathise with them, or challenge them, or react to a challenge by them. It’s just always a terrible situation. It’s really awful.”

“...shooting up with what?” Kaito frowned, “Does Dr. Mariah have you on drugs? Already? That’s probably not allowed.”

Marluxia gave Kaito a dry stare. “Oh noooooo~” he cooed, voice sickly sweet, “Is someone a wittle twamatised by a teenager~?” He rolled his eyes, but said, “They’re not aliens, darling. If anything, kids are just people bad at controlling their emotions, and you absolutely know what that’s like. They don’t want to be talked down to or dismissed, but the ones that can just take something hard to the face are the pretty fucked ones. Look, there’s a reason La-La and I haven’t dragged you to everyone to demand an apology. You have your own timeline and shit to deal with--just don’t make them wait forever.”

“If you were serious about that stuff about it being the bare minimum of what we could  get, don’t be a dickwad and withhold that from people who deserve an apology way more than I do.”

Marluxia waved a hand before he pushed himself back up to sit straight and get another bite of the pie. “Sora will softball you, you can start with him once you buck up.”

A sigh. “Nah, she just said La-La has some weird-named syndrome that he should, at some point, get meds for. They’re not really doing anything right now.” Marluxia shrugged. “He’s making dolls.”

“Sora, huh? Nnngh… alright,” Kaito sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, “Sora. Got it. And, look, I know you’re being a dick right now and not actually asking, but yeah. I am a little traumatized by fucking teenagers, okay? Maybe not just because they’re teeangers, but…”

Kaito huffed. “I know you’re saying ‘I know what that’s like’ because I am like that. And you’re right. I know what it’s like to be the person losing their shit and being all, just, loud and vibrant and violent with their emotions… I mean, I managed to get it partly in a pie and I wasn’t even doing it on purpose.” Kaito gave Marluxia an irritated, tired look as he said, “But I’m also really familiar with being on the receiving end of it. Like, a lot. I’ve had people threaten me with suicide talk more than once, one bastard tried to kill himself literally in front of me, people have tried to kill me during it. I’ve said things I barely even heard myself say, just idle comments, and the person in front of me melting down like their fucking atoms were about to shake apart from the sheer grief and hatred they have for their lives or me or anything else. I’ve lost countless relationships I valued from trying to help, or people acting like asshole trying to help me, I’ve been afraid for my life, my safety, my freedom, my relationships, because I said or did the wrong thing to the wrong person and suddenly a normal afternoon is a fucking world ending god damn crisis.”

“So yes. I’m a little fucking traumatized by it, and I’m a little more afraid of people from it, and I am always just… waiting for it. The next time. So don’t fucking… I don’t know,” Kaito sighed, looking away, “Don’t play it off like being on the receiving end of it doesn’t suck. It sucks a lot.”

“...sorry. See, I warned you I was going to end up talking about myself,” Kaito rolled his eyes, mad at himself, “You’re making dolls? That’s your homework?”

“Wraow. So hard,” Marluxia drawled, before he sighed. Damn him for not being a hypocrite. And, entirely sincerely, he said, “Good on you for facing it. It does suck. And it is hard. And sometimes all you want is a damn thank you for dealing with all this wack-ass shit.”

“So if you aren’t the right person to give an apology, but you’re the best option left to give one, then I’m not the right person to say this, but I will.” Marluxia tipped his head forward, closing his eyes. “Thank you.”

Though as he opened them and lounged back in his chair, he gave Kaito an unimpressed look. “Fancy-pants, I asked you about yourself. It’s a generous offer, don’t offend me with sniveling false humility that’s just some self-conscious self-esteem issues.”

The green eyes rolled. “He’s making dolls. Something about eventually venting those big feelings through art instead of, oh, yanno, his fucking atoms shaking apart or whatever you said.”

“Tch. Dick.” Kaito tsked, though he did look a bit bashful at his pie at Marluxia’s ‘thank you’. He was right, he wasn’t any more the person to answer for Kaito’s distress than, well… arguably Kaito did have more of a responsibility to answer for Marluxia’s distress. For however little effect Kaito himself had on Marluxia’s life, Marluxia had even less on Kaito’s. He had nothing to thank him for.

But everyone Kaito had brought this up to otherwise, tended to explain to Kaito all the ways he was feeling about it wrong. Kaito always had the responsibility to be better. Better at feeling anger, better at taking anger. It was nice, even if it was pretend, to be told what he had done was enough.

And, well… Marluxia had asked. But Kaito had been holding back from talking about his issues he had put into the pie. His frustration with managing other people’s emotions had sort of felt like it had come out of nowhere, and he had felt embarrassed about talking about that instead. Though, with Marluxia’s response… “Whose atom shaking? Lauriam’s?” 

“Who else would I be talking about?” Marluxia drawled, “I know anyone else going through therapy that you’d mistake for me right now?”

Kaito raised an eyebrow. “I feel like I’m missing some context, but not sure if I should be missing some context. Aren’t you guys in therapy because of the attack? And, like… general ‘being enslaved in a factory’ stuff? Does Lauriam get angry?”

Marluxia blinked in honest surprise. He cocked his head a little at Kaito, like that would clear anything up. And eventually, he said slowly, “...Kaito, the first ever time the two of you met, he immediately got hissy with you. Expand that kind of temper to one million, when pressed against more dire stakes than a mindscape he could leave at any time.”

“Oh, because he got mad at me and left? That’s like…literally how almost everyone I know reacts when I talk too long. Figured it was me,” Kaito said a tad tiredly, scratching his scalp through his hair, “So Lauriam had anger issues too… sorry, I’m talking like you’re not literally right here. You have some anger issues too, Lauriam?”

Marluxia didn’t respond, his eyes glazing over for a good few moments. And when he perked back up again, Lauriam was giving Kaito a disgruntled look, before he sighed. 

“...I set things on fire when I freak out,” Lauriam grumbled, “In our heads. I made everyone see it out here, once, and they broke all the windows in our home trying to escape it. Nearly killed a few people from the force of my feelings, myself included, and I get so depressed I once almost slept for three days. There’s a reason I was attacked in the first place, and it’s because my emotions are big.”

“Oh, you’re a sleeper? Yeah, my ‘Kichi’s a sleeper too. Well, he was, I think having a baby sharing our room kind of guilts him out of it. Don’t know if that’s better? But it’s stopped the depression sleeping,” Kaito mused, eating a few more pieces of his pie, “As for the mind arson thing… I know it’s not cool, but also, that’s kind of cool. The ability, I mean, not actually doing that.”

“Does Dr. Mariah know you have… mmmm, I hesitate to call it rage issues,” Kaito frowned, “Dr. Mariah says we have a tendency to see in others the things we’re dealing with ourselves, so when I hear that your emotions are ‘big’, I imagine them the same way mine can be. But it’s probably more like Kokichi’s. Where your depression gets so intense that you kind of don’t care who it hurts anymore. I mean, I’m not a therapist, I’m just relating it to things I know again. You should definitely tell Dr. Mariah if you haven’t yet, stuff like that is important.”

Lauriam gave Kaito a wary look--he’d heard about illness stuff before, but should Kaito really be going around telling people his husband (his HUSBAND) had a muck problem?--before it turned flat. “Wow, thanks, I totally needed someone to presume what I’ve talked about in therapy, when he’s not even one of the seven eavesdropping.”

“Not quite either of your issues, I’d say,” Marluxia sniffed, “We all are, yanno, different people.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m the worst, don’t know what I’m talking about, making assumptions, dumb prince doing dumb prince shit, no one could possibly understand my pain, blah blah.” Kaito huffed. “Look, I’m just making conversation. Trying to relate. And frankly, like I said, I’ve sat across dozens of pissed off angry people who get even more pissed off once I start trying to relate to them–actually, saying that out loud makes me feel like it’s me again,” Kaito muttered, left eye twitching lightly, “Maybe I’m just easy to get mad at.”

“Fun talent, huh~” Marluxia winked, before sighing wistfully. “Anger can be its own form of torture--I wonder how you would’ve utilized that in the factory. Piss people off, make them lose control into a feeling they can’t stand, then, oh~ There’s a way out of it, just this way~”

Marluxia laughed, something genuinely light. “Okay, yeah, I can see it. Missed opportunity in life.”

“....is that how it worked?” Kaito asked, giving the two a genuinely confused look, before crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair, thinking back, “...the only conditioning I ever knew about first hand was, like… you convince someone to doubt themselves a lot. Punish someone for trying to think for themselves, make them feel dependent on someone in particular, to the point you can’t even really trust your own luck, let alone your own mind. Like everything is predestined to fail, even games of chance, if you dare to not at least check in with your better first. Is that how it worked? You overwhelm someone, and then conditioning feels like a salvation from that?”

Marluxia was at ease, ready to banter more, but all of a sudden it hit him. 

His eyes widened as he paled, hands going into fists at his sides. His voice leaving him quietly. “...I shouldn’t have said that.”

And suddenly his expression grew more concerned, as Lauriam crossed his arms and rubbed his arms down his biceps soothingly. “Hey, no, you know that’s not all it is, you’re fine, Mars, you’re good,” he comfortingly whispered, even as the anxiety coursing through their body was starting to make him sweat.

Kaito looked back and forth between the two–sort of. It felt that way, as they shifted in and out between themselves–before he put up his hands placatingly. “There’s nothing I can do with that information. My husband is Kokichi Ouma, remember? He doesn’t need stuff like that, he could change a person whole-sale to be whoever he wanted them to be, if he wanted to. Which he never would. And I have no power to make anything like that happen. Even if I were to try to use my Momota influence, that same husband would shut me down faster than I could think it.”

“I know I said I’m untouchable because of his protection, but that’s not the same as being untouchable from him,” Kaito assured them, “And Kokichi puts up with a lot from me, but that wouldn’t be one of them. Trust me, I’m harmless. I can’t do anything with that information.”

Lauriam nodded emphatically with those points as he soothed Marluxia, but they quickly turned into shakes as Marluxia murmured, eyes widening with fear, “They’ll pick it up from you, people die for that knowledge, they’ll lock us up again, this time it’ll be like Mom and Ira’s place, we’ll get everyone killed--”

“We saw Kaito’s head first hand, that place is locked tight,” Lauriam countered, out of breath from the way their breath was getting hard to pick up, “If he doesn’t want someone to know that, they won’t.” 

As he rocked his knuckles against his biceps, looking a bit wild in how his body was starting to rattle apart, but his emotions calmed, Lauriam looked imploringly at Kaito, “Right?”

“Right…” Kaito frowned at the rattling. Wow, he really did have just such a terrible track record with this. Though, he had thought the sarcasm was going to be the thing that did it… before he suddenly lit up. Looking excited as he asked, “Want to ask my husband to remove it from my head?”

He blushed, playing with his fork a little as he moved some pieces around, as he admitted, “I’ve been wanting to let him change something about me for a while now. Just something little. Would kind of feel like a brand… we could ask him to take that knowledge out of my head?”

Recognition lit up Lauriam’s eyes. “Right… He…H-he can erase memories, like Namine. And he wouldn’t have an issue with your d…” Lauriam swallowed hard, and took a breath like he was force fed it. “D-defenses. Like nothing happened, Mars.”

“I didn’t mean to, I’m not stupid.”

“You’re not,” Lauriam whispered back, before giving Kaito a more desperate look. “Where is he?”

“This time of day? Probably his office.” Kaito said, standing up, “And you’re not stupid. Honestly, the only reason I could have made that connection from that comment is from experiencing conditioning myself. I’m not like most people, I remember mine. Most people don’t have that context. To anyone else? It wouldn’t have meant much. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“See? Your pie friend agrees,” Lauriam softly soothed as he pushed himself up. Okay…okay, he could do this. He’d been in worse condition before and he’d dragged himself to the showers easy. Lauriam smoothed his hands down his arms to just clasp them, trying to look a little less like a basket case as he followed Kaito. Though the little trembles going through his muscles probably weren’t a great look. 

But he was going to fix this.

{❀╥﹏╥ I’m not an idiot, Zexion’s wrong, Vexen’s wrong, people can’t just - just get me to do whatever they want}

“I know, Mars,” Lauriam whispered, “You do what you want, and no one can stop that. That’s what’s real.”

“Aw man… sudden vampire flashbacks,” Kaito murmured, giving a reassuring grin to a few people as they climbed the stairs. Don’t mind them, don’t mind them, it’s all fiiiiiine.

As they got to the third floor and headed off the main staircase though, Kaito gave Lauriam and Marluxia an only somewhat calculated amused look, as he said, “Let it be known? I do not exaggerate how much this happens to me. You’re literally shaking right now, I could not have called this any more directly. People are just like this around me. You’re not secretly a teenager, are you?”

“You’re cursed,” Lauriam hissed, trying to keep even breaths as his body fought him, “You might be more cursed than I am.”

There was a sound of a door opening, and quiet little ‘ti-ti-ti-ti-tat’ patters before a purple head peeked around the corner and met them in a hallway, Kokichi looking over Lauriam in alarm. And with an even calm, even within his worry, Kokichi steadily said, “What’s going on? Lauriam, the med ward is downstairs, which you should go to first if you’re about to have a seizure.”

Lauriam shuddered a breath and shook his head a little. Only managing out, “You need to fix his head.”

“He means me. Hi ‘Kichi.” Kaito grinned tiredly, giving his husband a wave. “Are they having a seizure? I thought it was a panic attack… maybe I should take them to medical then,” Kaito frowned, “Marluxia is upset he told me a secret. It’s not a big deal for me to know or not, so I offered to come up and let you take it out of my head to make him feel better. You mind erasing something that happened, like, twenty minutes ago for me, babe?”

“What?” Kokichi frowned, but as he opened his mouth again, Marluxia cut in, whispering frantically. 

“I didn’t mean to, please, you’re strong as hellfire, please, no one’s supposed to know.”

And Kokichi looked at Marluxia, the way he was barely holding himself together. Knowing only the most surface level of a medical history because he’d been the one to file it in the right place…and this wasn’t the time to talk things out. 

“Alright, I will, everything will be alright,” Kokichi soothed, his expression smoothing out, “Can we take you to medical, though? It’d make me feel a lot better, at least.”

{Sweets, please play along, we need to talk, but later. Let’s just make sure they’re okay first.} 

“It’s done, it’s okay.”

Marluxia pressed his lips together tightly and nodded, letting himself be guided back towards the stairs.

Heh. Kaito was spoiled.

He smiled warmly at his husband… before frowning. “It’s done? Wait, hold on… aw man, I was kinda hoping it’d be more of an event than that? Was sorta hoping to feel it,” Kaito muttered, rubbing his temple with a bit of irritation, before shrugging, “Whatever. Alright, let’s get back down the stairs. Going down is harder than going up when you’re trembling, you guys want an arm?”

“Don’t touch me,” Lauriam hissed. Maybe it was done, no harm in the long run…

…but it didn’t feel like that to Marluxia. And the humiliation and fear welled up like…heh, sticky cotton in his chest, burning through his face and making him dizzy. He’d…hold onto the bannister. Really tightly.

Worry fell back onto Kokichi’s face. “One of us can run to medical up ahead and get a wheelchair. They latch into the wall so it’s easier to get up and down stairs.” He attempted a small smile. “I only got to tell Shuu-chan they approved the workorder for fitting elevators into the castle on his birthday, so it’s still gonna be a while for those.”

A bead of sweat running down from his temple, Lauriam stiffly shook his head.

Shuichi had been thrilled. It had been cute to see, Shuichi both just thrilled with the practicality of the gift, but also flattered by Kokichi commissioning something in the castle with him in mind. It had made Kaito warm and happy to see the real joy it had inspired in his husbands.

Kaito held onto that warm memory, as he warily looked at the latest person he had accidentally talked into a meltdown. Where had he even put down his pie… it was gone now. He wasn’t sure where he had left it. 

He looked to his husband quietly. Ready to go get a wheelchair regardless of how Lauriam felt about it, if Kokichi requested it.

Kokichi caught the look and frowned softly. 

{I’d like you to stay with him, in case he falls. I’m not sure what kind of seizures he has, but if he passes out, keep time. He did say not to touch him, though, so please don’t unless he’s about to fall.}

“...okay. I’m just gonna run ahead to let them know that you’re coming, then.”

Kokichi pattered off, and he’d barely been gone before Lauriam muttered, “I’m not as good at this as you. You’d’ve gotten us there by now.”

The small note of amusement amid the worse feelings made Lauriam feel like he’d accomplished more than a sprint.

Okay Kokichi. 

Kaito watched his husband head off, walking in small steps with Lauriam. He heard his muttering, but couldn’t understand what it meant. It was probably meant for Marluxia. 

Kaito carefully watched Lauriam’s footing, his balance. He thought, somewhat reluctantly, about other emergencies up and down these stairs. His mind filling with unbidden, unwanted images of Kokichi, small and limp, jerking like a rag doll in Kaito’s arms as Kaito tried to keep his entire upper body as stiff as possible. Afraid one loose grip and one long step would jerk his head, snap his neck. Kokichi a sack of bones and muscle that seemed barely held together, his breathing erratic, mouth wide open as he gasped for air that wouldn’t fill his lungs–

Kaito forced himself to think about Shuichi’s huffy insistence of how nice it was going to be to have an elevator in the castle. You’ll never catch him on the stairs again, thanks. Miyako had no idea how good she had it. Kokichi laughing as Shuichi dryly asked where the elevator was going to be located. If it required him to walk much, really, what was the point. Kokichi going into great length about how there were only certain spots in the castle that could handle an elevator, but he promised, Shuichi wouldn’t have to walk farther than the stairs would require. And wouldn’t it be nice going up the elevator?

Yeah. That was a nice, recent memory. Kaito idly turned that memory in his head, as he slowly walked a few more jerky steps with Lauriam, staying within grabbing distance.

◑.◑…

◑.◑;;;

◑.◑ Am I too late again?

“Dunno if you could’ve stopped this one, Mi-Min,” Lauriam affectionately whispered, using their father’s nickname for her. “Sorry. Did the--” Lauriam had to stop for a moment, swallowing as his vision swayed, before things steadied enough for him to continue. “...did the rest of you guys get the food memories of breakfast? M-Marluxia and I did want to hang out with everyone today.”

Have a first day in a long time where Lauriam wasn’t something to worry about. Just…having fun. 

He didn’t blame Marluxia, but some of the feelings of missing out were the same.

◑.◑ we were enjoying breakfast on the beach

◑.◑ the pancakes were baller

◑.◑ …I’m attempting to use slang Kairi just learned from one of the children

Kaito glanced over at Lauriam. Talking aloud again. Kaito wondered who ‘Mi-Min’ was. 

Maybe he should apologize. But a part of him was a little bitter. A little spiteful. He bet, later, if he brought all of this up again, Lauriam and Marluxia would still treat it like Kaito was full of shit. Twamautized. Whatever. He knew this shit wasn’t in his head. 

…maybe that wasn’t fair. Kaito would talk it out to Miss Crystal at some point. God knows he couldn’t talk it out to anyone else.

“How’s your footing feel?” Kaito asked, watching Lauriam’s feet. If he lost his grip or moved his hips wrong, he’d see it in his footing first. “We can take a break if you want, catch your breath.”

Lauriam smiled slightly. It was genuine, despite everything. “I’m glad. And glad those three are learning new trends straight from - from the source. I… I’d like to make breakfast more often for you guys. We end up all over the - the place these days, it’s nice catching up.”

He was not about to admit that he felt like curling up and bawling when he was right in front of his little sister. And he wasn’t about to admit to himself he wanted to sit right down on the stairs and give up. Marluxia always made sure Lauriam made it to safety when he freaked out. Lauriam had only ever had to do it over shorter distances before, but he wasn’t going to be the one to let them down now. 

“Fine,” Lauriam shakily sighed. “Almost there…”

Kaito nodded, still matching Lauriam’s short, slow steps. He wasn’t sure what the medical ward would do for a seizure. Maybe hydration bags? At least a pain killer, he had to imagine the body would feel sore once it calmed down. “Almost there,” he agreed. “Honestly, you’re doing great. That was a lot of stairs to deal with during this. It’s impressive you didn’t lose your footing.”

“Just call me a ballerina,” Lauriam sighed, making it onto solid floor. And the relief was so great that his knees nearly buckled right then and there, but he kept upright. 

Enough to blearily see the stern look on the healer’s face that was wheeling out a wheelchair. “Mr. Belrose, I must insist that you sit down,” Nell said firmly. “You should not be moving around at the on or off-set of a seizure. If you do not comply…” 

She let out a sigh, some of the Luminary-style professionalism falling away to Nell’s more usual tired demeanor. “Well, all I can really do as a healer is accompany you. But I’m sure Kokichi and Kaito would be worried enough to alert your family.”

Lauriam’s face twisted as he let himself plop down into the chair.

Kaito grinned. “Thanks for the rescue, Nell. Let me hang back if you’ve got it from here. I stress him out.”

“Gotta give my patients privacy,” Nell nodded easily, using that to shoo the princes off as she wheeled the sagging and increasingly exhausted Lauriam off to the medical ward. 

Kokichi could only trust that he’d be taken care of, though that trust was pretty massive. 

He looked up at Kaito, and gently took his hand. “...we need to talk. But do you need a sec?”

Kaito looked warmly down at his husband, squeezing his hand back. “I know you couldn’t actually do it, babe. You’ve told me before that my defenses don’t make exceptions for you. That’s why I’m always yelling at vines when you visit.”

Kokichi smiled softly. “I want you to be protected, full stop. Even from me. I do know someone that offered to erase a memory if I ever wanted it, though. Is what he said that dangerous, you think?”

“No. And I wouldn’t want someone else to mess with my mind anyway,” Kaito frowned, nose wrinkling slightly in disgust, “Sorry to Marluxia, but it’s either you or no one. But either way, no, not really. He thinks I understand how conditioning works. Like, the secrets behind it. But in truth I basically guessed what I imagine is the most basic component of it. That it requires desperation and the promise of salvation. That’s literally all I guessed.”

“But, you know… it was me who said it, so…” Kaito shrugged. That was usually enough to get people acting crazy. They didn’t lose it when other people talked to them. Just Kaito. At least, that was sure how it seemed. “I’ll keep pretending I can’t make that connection anymore.”

Kokichi frowned worriedly, before he sighed. “...I don’t feel great lying to him, but if the idea causes him this much distress, then… That’s kind, Kai-chan.” He gave his husband a more pointed worried look. “And it probably wasn’t just you. You heard what Ienzo said before--Marluxia and Lauriam are going through a lot. Though, the third incident to land them in need of medical help in as many weeks can’t feel great.”

Kokichi grimaced, reaching his free hand up to tug the back of his hair. “...he wasn’t wearing his medical alert bracelet.”

Kaito gave Kokichi a quiet, worried look. Letting go of his hand to reach over to gently rub the back of Kokichi’s neck, trying to discourage the hand pulling his hair. Lightly rubbing the tension he could feel in his smaller husband. “...probably the stress of the other incidents compiling, yeah. Not just me. You’ll be happy though, it seems like he’s got this plan to, like… help the folks who targeted him? He’s got this great idea to make more food for them. It’s really generous, and I bet it’ll make him feel better, to get a better grip on that situation.”

“He just needs a few weeks to rest and recuperate. He’ll be okay… I’m sorry we bothered you at work, babe. I should have just taken him to medical. Sort of thought the offer to erase my memory would calm him down, didn’t think I’d actually have to take him anywhere.”

Kokichi’s eyes widened before he looked back up, letting Kaito shoo his hand away. “...he is? That… That sounds…” One community need filled. It shouldn’t be on the shoulders of someone hurt by that community to reach out to them, and it shouldn’t be by his efforts alone, but if Lauriam and Marluxia wanted to help? Then…

Kokichi nodded seriously. “I can talk to them about business filing.” 

But, from that, he gave Kaito a softer look as he shook his head a little. “No, that was an emergency and I’ll never be mad about someone getting me for something like that. And I’m not sure I would know what to do either. Being able to soothe his concerns, and also get him medical help, even if he did strain himself a bit…I think this is good, though. Thanks for taking good care of them, Kai-chan.”

Tracing a hand along the inside of Kaito’s arm, Kokichi turned just enough to plant a kiss there before Kaito would pull away. “...I miss you. I hate fighting with you.”

“Heh, babe~ you knew exactly what to do as soon as we got there. I was listening to you and we were better for it, boss.” Kaito grinned, leaning down to kiss Kokichi’s forehead.

“...yeah, I’m sorry, Kokichi,” Kaito said, straightening up. Placing his free hand to the spot on his arm where Kokichi had kissed, letting his other hand fall from Kokichi’s neck to take his hand again. “I was being stubborn. Just kinda mad about stuff. I should have let it go by now… I’m sorry.”

Kokichi let out a low giggle and flush before he squeezed Kaito’s hand once they were joined again. Leaning towards his husband, Kokichi nuzzled his arm. “Thank you. And I’m sorry too. I can’t be sorry for worrying about my people, but I can be sorry for how unfair that can be to you. How it can hurt the same people I’m trying to care for. It’d be nice if there was a clean solution. If I could promise everyone absolute safety.”

He smiled sadly up at Kaito as he shrugged. “But I can’t. I’m not strong enough for that and…I don’t want how it’d be achieved. But I still wish things were kinder, now. And I’m sorry I called you a jerk.”

“...tsk. Went and made my husband all sad and insecure,” Kaito muttered, gently tugging Kokichi away from medical, heading back to the staircase, “Babe, no one can expect you to have perfect answers that neatly ties up everything. It’s unrealistic. You’re always doing your best, and look! Your choice did lead to a good outcome. Seriously, you’ll love the food emotion idea. We get a new pastry place in the area out of it, for one.”

“And I was being a jerk. I wasn’t mad you weren’t coming up with a solution I liked. I was mad you said no to me when I meant it.” Kaito sighed, shrugging lightly, “I was throwing a tantrum. I wanted you to banish them because I asked you to. It was very ‘Momota’ of me, but that’s the truth. You told me no and I was pissed for like a week. Sorry. I’m a brat sometimes.”

“Well, if the initial concept wasn’t enticing enough,” Kokichi laughed, easing into a comfortable walk with Kaito. “I shouldn’t be surprised because I don’t know them well, but I didn’t know Lauriam and Marluxia cooked! That’ll be exciting!” …and if it was literal food, they’d need to get a food license. He could help with that too. 

Lightly hugging Kaito’s arm, Kokichi sighed. “Even if I said yes, I don’t have the power to banish anyone. Neither side wanted to press charges, and even if it went to court, those four were desperate, not malicious. Not even close to what gets a banishment order.”

“I would have accepted a certain level of illegal tyranny,” Kaito pouted, “...but it’s good that you can say no to me. Even when I act like a skid about it.”

It was why Kaito had picked Kokichi. Why Maki never stood a chance…

“I love you, ‘Kichi.”

“I don’t like saying no. Not for things you really believe in,” Kokichi said softly, “But I have things I really believe in too. And I hope that you’ll say no to me when those seem wrong to you too. I love you too, Kai-chan.”

“If it negatively affects you or our loved ones? One hundred percent. You’ll get no’s all the time,” Kaito promised. “Otherwise? You’ll get me acting like a jerk and stomping my feet and throwing tantrums. But I can’t deny you anything.”

“...okay, but I AM cursed, right!? I know it’s been a while since my last ‘managing meltdown’ episode, but I feel like it hasn’t been THAT long! I was literally telling him before it happened how fucking often it happens! What am I doing that stresses everyone the hell out so much that no one can keep their head around me!? I miss when it just made people horny! This is a way worse version of that!”

Kokichi kissed Kaito’s arm before resting his head against it, happy to rub all sorts of static electricity into his sleeve as they walked. “Again, I think those two are extraordinarily stressed out right now, and I think you’re in a unique position to be around people going through rough times, and be the type to care enough for them to let down enough of their guard to get to the freakout stages.”

“...but honestly I’m not sure how much separates coincidence from curse,” Kokichi shrugged. “We could ask Shuu-chan if he’s gotten to any anti-curse stuff in his lessons? He’d love to make something for you.”

“Yes! Thank you. I will take an anti-curse amulet or something. Sheesh.”

Kaito knew he should tell Kokichi about his complicated feelings for Maki and what she did. His husband wouldn’t like it, but Kaito felt guilty for keeping it from him. It felt important. Like his feelings for Maki and what she did had an affect on the rest of his relationships simply through the burden of comparison. Not to mention his feelings felt like cheating, even if he and Maki didn’t touch each other.

But… later. Some other time. Like with the apologies he owed the Empaths, Kaito felt like anything he said right now would ultimately be self-focused and self-serving. He couldn’t be considerate of others with the way he felt right now. There was no room in himself for it.

…though. Kokichi was usually the exception to that. It was hard not to want to comfort his husband. Which made their fights feel even worse.

Some other time.

-

Lauriam got the feeling everyone was just waiting for him to ask them to set up another house call. After getting care in the medical ward, Lauriam had mostly slept for the rest of the day, utterly exhausted, which was the same sort of feeling he woke up with too. But since he’d managed to make it out to the market right in front of the castle before, he was determined to…well, not do what Marluxia griped about. Hiding in a self-made cage when they were actually free. 

(He’d elected not to say anything about what Marluxia had done once they were back in their room and resting. Marluxia going to the tree wasn’t something that happened often enough for it to be A Thing, but Lauriam knew it was where his Nobody went when he felt bad and wanted to be alone. Considering how often Marluxia’s solution to feeling bad was to utterly reject those feelings, Lauriam was happy to give him some space. And some time just the two of them when Marluxia decided to come out.)

Still, while he’d anticipated some of the raised eyebrows when he hyped himself up to actually go to Dr. Mariah’s office, he wasn’t thrilled about his escort. But Lauriam knew better than to argue against it. 

Getting to her office, waiting for a few moments in the lobby before being sent to, er, the real office, he guessed, Lauriam--

“Oh!” he gasped, jolting a little in his shock at the, well, yeah, fish tank. “That’s…very different from what I thought.”

Dr. Mariah gave her aquarium a cursory look as she sat down in her chair, settling in, “I’m curious then, what you were imagining. Normally I’d assume you’d have thought it was smaller, but those from the desert have given me some very interesting interpretations of what an ‘aquarium’ is in the past.”

“You said it was a fish tank,” Lauriam said a little hesitantly, watching the, the chunk of the ocean just plopped in a wall. “I’ve seen them at markets, sometimes, so they can charge for things that are super fresh. I wasn’t sure why someone would have one in their home, but this is really nothing like that.”

Lauriam frowned softly as he finally tore his eyes away and took an offered seat on the couch. “An aquarium is…like a zoo for fish?”

“Essentially. I consider them lovely living decorations. I know others very fondly consider them pets. They could be, but as far as most of them are concerned, I’m just an odd giant thing that lingers close sometimes. They’re not aware I have any meaningful impact on their lives, and in some ways I prefer that.” Dr. Mariah mused, staring at her small–in comparison to said ocean–little ecosystem of life in her wall. “I have many patients who consider them extremely soothing. May I ask purely out of curiosity: have you been to a zoo, Lauriam?”

There was something that rubbed Lauriam the wrong way about ‘living decorations’, but…well, it didn’t seem like the fish were being hurt, and from what he did know about them, a tank as big as the one in the wall seemed like plenty of space for them. So in being fed, kept from natural predators…he guessed there wasn’t any harm in it. Probably. 

“No,” Lauriam said absently for a moment, still thinking that over before he focused in, “But I know what they are. When I was a kid sometimes I’d hear stories from some of the older kids taking trips to places that had zoos, and there’s one in or close to the capital that my parents saw and told me about. Not something that came up too often in any of Ienzo’s books, funny enough.”

“Were there any trips you and your family did take, that you can recall?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Any outings you and your sister were treated to?”

At that, Lauriam smiled softly. “I’m from Romeliad, which is kind of close to the border, and about where you can start seeing trees that aren’t desert trees. It happened more before she was working, but even after that on her days off my sister would sometimes take me out of town to--” Lauriam huffed an amused sound. “Alright, after seeing them here, it was not even close to a forest, so don’t imagine that. But everyone called it a forest. Mostly I’d just climb trees until she called me down so we could eat together.”

Lauriam looked up briefly, trying to recall. “When I was really little I think we took a family trip to one of the bigger cities, but I don’t remember it at all.”

It seemed like only his sister made any memorable effort to spend time with him then. Dr. Mariah filed that away as she smiled lightly, “Sounds nice. Well, let’s get into the meat of it then. How did the homework go?”

“Alright for the most part, I think.” From the small bag Lauriam had brought with him, he pulled out a humanoid-looking fuzzy mass. There were defined features of spiked hair that fluffed up and out, and there was a big coat around them, but it was clearly an unfinished work.

“I was having a lot of trouble at first,” Lauriam said as he showed off the cotton-batting doll, “I tried weaving a bracelet but the colors I picked were ugly together, I tried drawing but instead of thinking about anything while I did, I just got frustrated every few pencil marks because it wasn’t turning out how I wanted, I tried some paper folding, but it felt like too much to commit with colored paper. But Kokichi ran into me while I was working and suggested I try something new if I was getting frustrated with the things I already know.”

He nodded at the doll. “So I tried cotton-batting. I’m still working on it, but this is of one of the old Nobodies, Zyvix.” Lauriam smiled sadly, but there was something happy in it from the simple act of remembering. “He wasn’t around that long, but I liked to think we were friends. He was really into setting up games and spending time with the teens, and so was I, so we usually spent that sort of time together.” Lauriam let out a soft laugh. “I really have no idea how I’m going to capture some of his clothes, but it seems like a fun challenge, and one I think he would’ve been interested in too. It was nice revisiting my memories of him while I was working.”

Dr. Mariah looked over the doll in open appreciation. Creating a doll of any sort was an ambitious form of creation, and Lauriam had clearly been putting some time and care into this particular project.

As for his subject matter… “Zyvix. He looks like quite the character. I imagine from how you speak about him that he didn’t make it out of the Togami Warehouses.”

Lauriam nodded, the balance of his emotions tipped more onto the sadness side. “His Somebody, Viz, passed away…maybe four, five years ago? Just…old age, you know? She’d been the oldest of us all and had been there the longest too, it sort of felt like…along with just it sucking that she died, like a sort of era had shifted over.”

Setting the doll down as Dr. Mariah finished looking at it, Lauriam explained, “We kind of categorized ourselves into the ‘Old Guard’ and the ‘New Blood’, set in the gap that happened between when Uncle Luis was brought in and when Ienzo was--because of that gap, I guess, but mostly because everyone there before Ienzo was close to 30, and he was 7. Then since I came after him, and I was 12, it was like this line between the adults and kids, even if Isa and Axel really were adults when they got brought in, and Demyx was legal.”

“Zexion told me once, though, that when he and Ienzo first got there, the older members considered who are the Old Guard now to be the kids of the group, so,” Lauriam made a small gesture, “Viz’s death was like the last of that ‘generation’. And now it was just us.”

“I have to imagine that was alarming.” Dr. Mariah said, tilting her head a bit, “But maybe for more mundane reasons then your circumstance actually allowed. While we consider adulthood to be largely a factor of agreed upon age, or physical or mental development, the mark of adulthood tends to be most keenly felt when the responsibilities and duties of those you had relied on growing up are passed on to you. Either voluntarily, or by the simple necessity that those who had taken on those duties simply are not around anymore to do them.”

“Your elders, in a sense, had all finally passed on. And even moreso, based on the ages I know your siblings are, children had come under your care who could not possibly hope to take on the roles that those elders left behind. Which put you in that position that so many of us eventually find ourselves in: what responsibilities were now yours, to accept or deny. What was your new role as an adult in your environment. What kind of adult were you going to be.”

“It’s a mental exercise everyone goes through at some point, but that doesn’t change how traumatic that transition can be.” Dr. Mariah said, “And it seems like for you, one of the people you were experiencing that transition with, Zyvix, just by the nature of who he was attached to, was gone in that key moment where you would have felt that pressure most… it must have been lonely. Losing your partner in taking care of the younger generation.”

Lauriam looked a bit surprised at Dr. Mariah before giving her an uneasy, sheepish smile. “I mean, our parents are still around. All of us took on responsibility for looking after the teens--kids then, of course--to some extents. We all relied on everyone, and while what that actually looked like was more uneven for the kids because they were kids, it’s not like I was shouldering anything alone.”

“And, well…” Lauriam brought his arm up to lightly touch the back of his neck, before he quickly brought his arm back down. “...okay, this was a pretty divisive subject even among us, so keep that in mind. Viz was a big proponent of frequent Nobody maintenance. She said it was cruel to let a Nobody take on a lot of pain and cruelty, to let them develop to the point they’d start wanting things that we couldn’t give since we were the ones to make them, so she remade her Nobody every few years. Before Zyvix was Czativ, before her was xX Azvi Xx, before her was Mixvaz, and those are just who I knew.”

He smiled slightly. “Even if I believed Viz would live forever, I knew Zyvix wasn’t going to be around forever. I was just happy to know him while he was.”

“That must have been difficult,” Dr. Mariah frowned, “Especially considering your feelings about Marluxia. Did that make it difficult to have a relationship with Viz?”

Lauriam hesitated, before saying softly, “...sometimes. She was really laid back about a lot, so she was an easy person to talk to most of the time. Azvi and Marluxia were pretty close, so back then she’d catch me sometimes to talk about whatever crazy story Azvi had told her about what they’d done together. But while she wasn’t exactly…like a rule enforcer, I guess, Viz cared a lot about how our Nobodies were treated and she never held back her thoughts.”

Shrugging a bit, he said, “When Marluxia and I were little we fought a lot, and Viz, Inzi, and Even urged me all the time to tweak or remake Marluxia. But it always felt wrong to me. When Marluxia and I first met, I knew I’d made him, but he just seemed like his own person already, and I hated how some of the others treated their Nobodies. I didn’t even want to make one, but everyone made it sound like I had to, so I just thought, well, if I have to, then I can treat him better than what I saw.”

“...I did try,” Lauriam said softly.

“It does seem you have succeeded. If by the very nature of the fact that you have escaped the warehouses, and he is still alive.” Dr. Mariah glanced at her fish again as she mused, “If your Nobodies were tools, created with a purpose, in theory those tools would be dismissed once they were no longer useful. I don’t know a lot, personally, about constructs, but that does seem to be the rule for them when I hear other Empaths discussing them. Constructs of the mind are tweaked often, developed to be more useful, and when they no longer function, are gotten rid of or replaced.”

“But your group, and you, have all taken a very radical approach in the opposite direction. Knowing that some of your group was adamantly and vocally against that, I have to admit, I’m curious how that transition happened for you all. If it was just you, I’d have assumed there was no outside source that influenced how you saw Marluxia. But it wasn’t: it was your entire group, by the end.” Dr. Mariah paused. “How did that happen? Were you the influencing factor in that?”

Yeah… With how they’d thought about Nobodies for so long, if they had ever been able to leave the factory, then they’d no longer need Nobodies, and they could just be…normal people without missing a step. Instead…?

It was a brief expression, but for a moment Lauriam looked bewildered at the idea he could’ve influenced anything in the group. 

“I think it was a pretty gradual thing,” Lauriam tried to explain, “The way I understood things, the way we thought about our Nobodies changed with every generation in the factory. But…like…” 

Lauriam scratched his head uneasily as he worked out what to say. “This…was a talk Marluxia got more than me. He liked to vent to me about it. But it was this idea of the Nobody ‘taking over’. The Somebody being suppressed in their head, I think was the main idea of it, though people usually were more vague about it. And because of that caution, it was…this idea of the Nobodies having to fall in line. Always do what their Somebody wanted, not be that developed; Xaldin told me once that they used to describe Nobodies ‘play-acting emotions’ to explain some of the relationships they had with each other.”

“A lot of that argument was dumb, just on its own, but especially by the time Marluxia heard it, because…” Lauriam winced lightly, “...of Ienzo.”

Lauriam took a breath before explaining. “Right before we left the factory, so this was the peak? Ienzo had over a hundred Zexions running around. There were already a bunch by the time I came in, so I don’t know how it started, but any time he was stressed out, or needed more hands on a project, or just didn’t want to do something? The number went up. And you could never be positive who you were talking to, since they liked to pretend to be each other.”

Lauriam frowned uneasily. “I only found out recently, when we were waking all the Somebodies back up. Apparently Namine never sent Ienzo to sleep, because he already was. He’d been trapped in his head for years, and it had only been Zexions for ages. It was exactly what the others had warned about, but it had been slowly happening for over a decade and…no one ever did anything about it. I don’t know what it was like at the start, but Even, Vexen, and Aeleus--and, we thought, Lexaeus--always treated every Ienzo and Zexion as their kid, and my parents didn’t discriminate between me and Marluxia so I think for the Old Guard, it just seemed cruel in a way they couldn’t rationalize to point to one of the kids they’d been treating like family and call them an unthinking tool. Or, at least as much as the sentiment had been.”

He winced a bit. “...though the transition was still pretty slow. There was a lot of other stuff going on, but I know people were pretty worried about the fact I had a crush on Xaldin.”

It sounded like Ienzo’s situation was a good example of what to avoid at all costs, truly. But the time of crisis for that had long past, and either way, he wasn’t her patient. So Dr. Mariah merely filed that away as she nodded at Lauriam’s story. 

“You’ve hinted before, that your relationship there had some hiccups in the beginning. You’ve also very confidently asserted that the situation as it is now is good. Still, I’d like to hear more about it, even if it’s not a point of crisis or contention for you anymore.” Dr. Mariah said, “Tell me about Xaldin. He sounds like the starting point.”

Oh man… As much as Xaldin was a great part of Lauriam’s life, and he liked talking about his boyfriend, Lauriam knew that putting down events as they happened made for an awkward picture.

“I’d say he was the first friend I’d made in the factory,” Lauriam started, smiling slightly, “I’ve been close to him and Dilan forever, but somehow despite the fact he had a full-time job and I didn’t, our schedules just worked out for hanging out more often. Or…I don’t know, maybe he opened up more quickly than Dilan did, so that’s why I feel like that. Or maybe it was just ‘cause he was the person I got to help when I made Marluxia, and the person that stayed with me when I was freaking out from my first punishment.” Lauriam laughed lightly. “He’s the kind of guy that makes an impact.”

From that laugh, though, Lauriam paused, licking the inside of his bottom lip before he straightened more and fixed Dr. Mariah with a serious look. “...okay, I think I need to establish something with you, and whatever reaction you have, please know that it’s been addressed like a million times.” Pausing to let her absorb that, Lauriam said, “Xaldin’s about 20 years older than me, and did help raise me when I was little.”

“Mmm…complicated.” Dr. Mariah admitted, “But perhaps an understandable development, considering your circumstances. Emotional attachments to those who we’d consider more on an ‘equal’ playing field is sometimes a luxury of choice that we, as a society, take for granted. Though, even with that acknowledgment given… developing a romantic relationship with someone who had a hand in raising you…”

Dr. Mariah sighed, “There’s exceptions to every worrying dynamic in the books. You’d be far from my first patient in a relationship that, on paper, I wouldn’t be able to support. And whether or not I can support a romantic relationship my patient is in does matter. If said patient is determined to remain in that relationship, my advice becomes a massive conflict of interest for them. I’ve had to be direct with many patients that my ability to help them while they remain in said relationships was limited, and that they’d have to consider alternate therapists instead. Almost always, I never see them again.”

“All that to say… if, over time, I find I can’t support your relationship, and can’t give you unbiased therapy because of it? I will let you know. And we can move forward with options from there.” Dr. Mariah said, “But, I’m more open minded than you’d think, for the exceptions. A side effect of living as long as I have. Nuance stops being nuance, when you have too many literal examples.”

Lauriam stayed stern for another moment, before easing as he nodded. That was more than fair, and honestly he probably wouldn’t want to keep on someone who would try to talk him out of his relationship with, well, honestly, all his boyfriends after everything they’d gone through to get to this point. Yes, it was messy and dubious and even uncomfortable in certain aspects, but the four of them genuinely loved each other. And Lauriam thought that was the most important thing out of the whole mess.

“Sounds almost like a challenge, to go through every therapist in the city,” Lauriam smirked shallowly, before taking a breath. Okay, with that known? 

“So, when I was a kid, Xaldin was dating another Nobody named Zinxi, and I was friends with both of them,” Lauriam explained, getting back into the story, “Not always together, but we all spent a lot of time hanging out.” Lauriam smiled fondly. “Zinxi and I liked having craft time together. I’d liked drawing and art stuff before then, but I think a lot of the reason it makes me happy today is because it was something I shared with her. Inzi, Zinxi’s Somebody, I didn’t really hang out with in the same way, but I like to think we were close too.”

His smile faded. “It was…really hard when Inzi died. And it hurt Xaldin a lot. I tried to talk to him, my mom and dad--they were pretty much his best friends outside of Luis--tried to talk to him, but he really, like…went into himself for a while. If I wasn’t, you know, dating him now, I’d really call his and Zinxi’s relationship the kind of love you get once in a life. Maybe I’d still call it that, since the way we feel about each other is definitely different.”

Lauriam took a breath to exhale some of the worse feelings from all of that. “But, time goes on, and we all always just have to go with it after someone dies. And over time Xaldin started spending more time with all of us again. And I couldn’t tell you it was definitely after that, or it had happened before, or what… But at some point Xaldin stopped feeling like ‘adult who’s looking after me’ and more just like a friend. Someone older than me, sure, sure, but just someone I enjoyed spending time with.”

There was another breath, but that was because Lauriam couldn’t possibly explain about the kiss without a deep sigh and looking mortified. “And, sometime after that transition, somewhere along the way I caught feelings. Ones that I didn’t process to the point they weren’t even thoughts in my head. So it surprised me just as much when I was 19 and out of the blue, I kissed him.”

…nope, needs more than just sighs. 

Lauriam let out a groan as he leaned over his knees and covered his face in mortification. “We were making dinner, he’d even just been talking about Zinxi, I kissed him, and everything exploded.” His fingers pressed into his forehead. “Even and Vexen immediately went full inquisition-mode, seeing if they’d missed seeing grooming for all those years, searching through memories, doing interview with all of us… I felt horrible. I felt like I’d ruined Xaldin and Dilan’s lives.”

In truth, hearing that Xaldin had been in a devoted relationship through the time he was helping raise Lauriam did help things quite a bit. Assuming Lauriam was a reliable narrator–time would tell–it likely meant that during that period of time, a relationship with Lauriam on Xaldin’s end hadn’t been a bias in how Xaldin helped develop the young man. Which, as apparently Even and Vexen had both known as well, was the biggest setback for a relationship with this dynamic. 

Being in a loving relationship with someone 20 years your senior was one thing, and was in some contexts almost a non-factor. It was one person being, essentially, custom-raised to fit neatly into said romantic relationship, at the older person's convenience, that it became abusive. Child-made lovers, even one’s who grew up happy in their relationship, was one of those dynamics Dr. Mariah couldn’t in good faith support. The child-made spouses often could not understand how little control they had over that relationships development, and that sometimes a form of slavery didn’t require an exchange of money.

That said… “How old were you when Zinxi died? If I may ask?”

“I think 16? Maybe 15?” Lauriam squinted, trying to think. “...it wasn’t that long before Demyx came, and if we trust he came in the summer, but that happened maybe a month after, if not sooner, then…probably 16.” Refocusing, he gave Dr. Mariah a sheepish look. “We tried, but we didn’t have a good way of keeping time. The scientists all have different theories about how the head secretary and the supervisors actively messed with our sense of time too.”

“...hmm.” So roughly four years of Xaldin in a relationship, a period of time of grieving, and then a kiss at 19. 

With that timeline? It was still very possible Lauriam was groomed. But, it seemed that there was already a massive undertaking from within Lauriam’s own social circle to determine if that had happened or not. And with how much concern Lauriam had for Dilan and Xaldin’s reputation for this period of time, it wasn’t an idle investigation from parental figures who were too conflict adverse to intervene in the case of abuse. It sounded like it had been done by someone who’d have taken actual action if anything had been found.

A considerable amount of grooming cases came from environments where parents or parental figures were just as easily manipulated as their children. This didn’t sound like that. 

“It sounds like a stressful way to confess a crush on someone,” Dr. Mariah said, a touch of sympathy in her tone, “I imagine it made exploring those feelings with any sort of honesty difficult. How long did it take for you and Xaldin to talk your relationship through?”

Lauriam let out a looooooooong, deep sigh into his hands. “...depending on the extent you want to define through that, a few months, or, like…six years?”

Dr. Mariah gave a more openly sympathetic smile. “Ah. Very much not grooming then. Also sounds stressful still. Did you find yourself in other relationships before Xaldin?”

Lauriam shook his head before dropping his arms, still not sitting all the way back up, but less cringed into his shell of mortification. “For a long time, people talked like my only option would be Ienzo, which both of us found pretty gross. Isa, Axel, and Demyx are my friends, sure, sure, but I’ve never felt anything for them either. Though people really were rooting for me and Demyx.” Lauriam rolled his eyes a little. “Even’s still sighing about Ienzo and Demyx now and it’s been months.”

Sitting up more, Lauriam thought over the question. “...it’s not like relationships were never on my mind. I mean, there was a long time I never wanted to touch anyone ever,” he waved, shooing the idea he didn’t even want to name, “But it’s a nice thought, right? Being a partner with someone, being in love. But I don’t think I even liked Xaldin any way close to romantic l-love until maybe a year or two ago.”

Lauriam grimaced, muttering, “...and other people are too scary.”

“Interesting. Why the tension in naming your feelings for Xaldin for what they are?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Is there something particularly difficult, about the word ‘love’ for you?”

Lauriam grimaced more and looked to the side. “...it’s scary.”

“Yes,” Dr. Mariah agreed, “But, I’m curious which aspect of love frightens you. Try to explain, and we’ll explore it from there.”

Sighing, Lauriam sat back and let his arms loosely cross at his waist. “...it makes me feel dangerous. And threatened. Sometimes feeling dangerous is good, like knowing I can fight, but this kind just makes me feel like this horrible thing that’s going to hurt people, and not even incidentally. I tried to explain it to Xaldin once, that it’s like kill or be killed, devour or be devoured. And we know how each other feel, especially now, but sometimes it still feels like if I name it, it’ll just…be exposed for that ugly, dangerous mess.”

Lauriam’s eyes lowered as his voice softened. “I couldn’t even say it out loud to him when Marluxia and I officially got together. He just had to say he knew, and that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I said it.”

He let out a huff. “One of the reasons I like Xaldin, Marluxia, and Dilan is because loving them feels safe. Like that love isn’t a ball of shrapnel and broken glass I’m trying to hold, and it’s hydrangea of every color instead.” His voice shrank more. “And I really don’t want it to grow thorns. Hydrangeas don’t even have thorns.”

“That’s quite a lot of expectation, for how your love might affect others,” Dr. Mariah said, placing her hands together on her lap, taking a moment to consider all of that, “...let’s do an exercise. When it comes to fears, I like to ask what your worst case scenario is, but for specific scenarios. I’m aware you have three boyfriends, but I want to focus on Xaldin, since he’s been our main topic today: what is your worst case scenario with loving Xaldin? What type of danger are you to him?”

“I can break his heart,” Lauriam said softly. “He acts tough, and he can be a menace in his own right, but he is a big teddy bear, and he cares about people really deeply. It was him saying he loved me that started the whole monster incident in the first place, kind of. He’s told me over and over to stop wasting my time with an old asshole and look elsewhere for even the possibility of finding someone else, and I’ve always been stubborn in the way he hates. After all that, if I do blow myself up one day, if it turns out I’m just shitty to be with more than making out in a closet…that’d hurt him more than I can bear.”

Lauriam sighed with pained regret. “And that’s not even getting into the physical harm I could cause him, though that’s far from Xaldin exclusive. We’ve only been told we were lucky to never find out what would’ve happened if I killed someone on the island.”

“Breaking his heart and breaking his body are, I think you know, two different worst case scenarios,” Dr. Mariah reminded him, placing her fingertips together over the journal, “And in truth… I think you gave three worst case scenarios. What do you mean by ‘blow yourself up one say’?”

“I think a lot of things can be the worst at the same time. The world is infinite with possibilities,” Lauriam grumbled. “...I don’t remember turning into a giant killer flower. I was completely mindless. I wasn’t in control of what I did, even in some weird way of watching it detached or something… Like that, I very well could’ve killed everyone.”

He let out a tired sigh. “It’s the most extreme example, but my abilities have always manifested in weird ways when I’m upset enough. Fusing with Marluxia was just the latest one. Being around me, invested in me, means that one day I might get upset to the point the roulette wheel of what’s going to happen could just be excruciatingly painful and frightening death. And it could happen without me even realizing it.”

Green pond eyes glimmered. “...Mars said it wouldn’t happen again, that we’d be okay, but I don’t think that’s true. Something’s just wrong with me and people always get hurt by it.”

“No. No part of you is wrong,” Dr. Mariah said, “You’re struggling with something. Something that fundamentally is an illness. Illnesses have no moral component, cosmically or otherwise. They’re results of chance, and some need more maintenance or care than others. But nothing about them makes you inherently ‘wrong’.”

“That said? It does seem like what you’re struggling with has a certain amount of urgency to it,” Dr. Mariah said, “I’d hesitate to diagnose or prescribe anything this early in, but I do believe we should prioritize these episodes as a focus of your therapy, in a general sort of way moving forward. You should expect me to ask about it every session.”

“How many of these incidents, by your own count, do you believe you’ve had?” Dr. Mariah asked.

Lauriam didn’t think ‘being upset’ was an illness, but he supposed he wasn’t the doctor here. Though, he hesitated at the question. “...like, every time my Empathy’s reacted to what I’m feeling? Or every time other people have had to deal with what it made?”

Dr. Mariah shook her head to both. “Every time someone was in danger from your actions. Either yourself or someone else. While perhaps once or twice as a reaction to something wouldn’t itself require pattern tracking, it sounds like this has happened to you enough that we could consider these moments ‘episodes’, rather than earnest reactions.”

Lauriam nodded slowly, his mouth slanting in a frown. He had an idea of…something, but the Indentured weren’t really in danger. At least not while in the factory. So then, the flower definitely, he’d…never actually seen anyone get hurt when his world caught on fire, so maybe not those? …punishments weren’t his fault, no action would’ve prevented those, so those didn’t count. The riot definitely was dangerous, but that was Marluxia’s action, not his, and he didn’t think the responsibility to his Nobody was what Dr. Mariah was asking. 

Dad. 

…Strelitzia? 

“That’s not your fault…” Lauriam whispered to himself, before giving Dr. Mariah an uneasy look. “I feel like this is gonna sound weird. But I think six. But maybe more if you consider, ‘a fire that exists but that you don’t have to be around’ something that counts.”

“It doesn’t sound weird, I asked earnestly. Could I ask what you mean by ‘a fire that exists that you don’t have to be around’? Do you mean fires you’ve started without other people around? Because I wouldn’t count it unless you put yourself at risk of burning. Otherwise… people often find something soothing in fires, I wouldn’t inherently call it destructive,” Dr. Mariah said.

Lauriam nodded a little uneasily. He glanced around, as if looking for snoops, like the fact that he was in a totally different part of town didn’t matter. And it didn’t. Kairi was right, that secrets didn’t last long between the island residents, but it didn’t mean that people didn’t try to keep some, and that there were things that simply had never been discussed. 

It wasn’t even a bad thing, really. 

“How much do you know about how Empathy works?” Lauriam hesitantly asked after a moment.

“I can sound much more knowledgeable about it than I believe I actually am,” Dr. Mariah said, “It comes with my speaking patterns. I’m learning more recently. But I only know enough to know it’s one of those forms of life where it would take years of study to truly understand what Empaths would know innately.”

A soft laugh left Lauriam as he nodded. “Oh, definitely. Even from the inside, our scientists have been studying Empathy probably their whole lives and we’re still discovering so much that they can only shrug at before setting up experiments. Honestly I think we’re all relying a lot on Demyx and Zexion to make sure Ienzo ever sleeps.”

The mirth calmed as he tried to explain. “So… Honestly I don’t know if this is true for all Empaths. It seemed so natural for my family and me, but I haven’t really noticed it for other Empaths we’ve met. But explaining it like is it just normal--while we’re all ‘emotion manipulators’, how those abilities and energy recognizably manifest has a theme, I guess. Distinctive waves and rhythms that are unique to us, Zexion tried to explain to me once.”

Tilting his head, Lauriam gestured vaguely. “My mom’s energy is water--rain forms when she’s influencing something, her world is an ocean, she said that her emotions feel like tides. Her alignment means that it’s particularly hard for Axel, whose energy is fire and lava, to influence her, or for him to do much of anything if she’s controlling an area.” Lauriam took a breath. “My energy is plant-life. But I didn’t realize it at first--Marluxia had to teach me.”

“Still sometimes now, but especially when I was a kid, everything I did that manifested as plant-life felt so natural I hardly noticed it. I did some things on purpose, sure, but it never felt…exerting. I just thought or wanted something and it happened.” Lauriam smiled lightly at the memory as he explained, “So when Even was trying to teach me how to shape energy, he told me to look for something I noticed, and that definitely wasn’t my natural alignment.”

He shrugged. “I’ve always had a temper. And when I’m forcing things, or freaking out, my energy manifests in fire.” Lauriam winced. “...something that destroys and consumes plants. In those first few days, everything I tried was explosive and uncontrollable and left me feeling exhausted and bad. And when I accidently tried to make my Nobody, my world caught on fire. It freaked me out; Xaldin and Dilan’s world is right next to mine and they’d said to come by if I needed help, and when I got Xaldin, it caught the attention of everyone enough to…send their own energy into stabilizing everything, I guess. And more than just wild energy…”

Lauriam laughed. It was a soft, fond little thing. “First thing Marluxia ever did was hit me over the head and yell at me. ‘You’re doing it backwards, moron’, I think were the words. I was forcing my energy into something destructive, rather than using my natural type. But even after I figured that out from him, the fires still happen in big, emotional moments. Usually it’s just a hallucination around me, which doesn’t hurt anyone, or contained to my world, which…”

Lauriam trailed off there, realizing the problem with his logic.

Curious. Dr. Mariah wondered if the themes were always some natural element, or if persistent metaphors, narrative themes, could shape how an Empath’s abilities manifested. She never asked Kokichi much about how his Empath abilities worked outside of how he shared–or didn’t share, as one therapy session had admitted an insecurity in Kaito about, very early on in their sessions–them with others. One of the shortcomings in being a relationship therapist: she couldn’t be nosy about things that didn’t ultimately affect the relationship.

“I suppose it makes sense, that your Nobody would feel more immediately attuned to how your Empath abilities worked from the start. While I believe this is technically true for both of you, just considering how Empathy is essentially The Mind, it still feels more accurate to say Marluxia is quite literally made from your elements,” Dr. Mariah said, noting the way Lauriam trailed off, tasting an uncomfortable touch of lemon in the air. “Does it affect anyone, if it’s contained to your world?”

The nature of a Chibi was the combined energy of Empaths. Considering how varied all the alignments of their group were, it was no wonder the combined product was a person. Though, Lauriam supposed that the first Chibis their family had ever knowingly met were only made by a couple people, so that was probably more of a romantic thought than a logical one. 

And it was one of the most logical people Lauriam knew that pointed out the issue. 

There was an uncomfortable tension in Lauriam’s face as he admitted, “Us. Marluxia and me. A lot of the time our worlds feel like their own things, but they are literally our minds. Just…us. And our experience of walking around in them with our own bodies is a sort of abstraction of…focused consciousness, or something like that. But it’s more truthful to say we’re all just sort of mashed together within the island.”

His face fell more. “So when our world’s on fire, or trashed, or harmed, that’s just happening to us. And the fires aren’t just hallucinations in our world.”

“It does sound like it counts then, as causing harm to yourself or others,” Dr. Mariah agreed, nodding, “But, let’s not let potential romanticism drown out what I am attempting to ascertain. My main priority right now, in the most literal, basic sense is this: I am invested in keeping you alive, and keeping you from killing anyone else.”

“By accident,” she added on, giving the man a calm look, “I hope my trust isn’t misplaced, but I don’t think you’d kill anyone on purpose. But death through acts of passion are still death. And I am trying to understand if that’s a true risk for you. So my questions will always be pointed towards that, right now, in trying to understand you. Because as much as anything I could do to help you will be important, that is the most urgent.”

“With my intentions understood? Let’s discuss what these fires in your mind are like.” Dr. Mariah said, “How do they feel when they’re happening?”

Lauriam’s lids lowered as he frowned, his voice soft. “I don’t want to kill anyone. Not even myself, despite how I might feel sometimes. And I can recognize that in the moment--last time, the whole reason I reached out to Vexen was because I knew I needed help. And…even if it wasn’t that fair to him, I am grateful that Marluxia’s back. He still chose to save me, and I can’t ignore what that means, but I’ve always wanted him to have more of a life than we had.”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Lauriam took a breath. “...and part of being better for him is making sure I’m not going to drag his life down with mine.”

Another soft sigh as he opened his eyes. “...they feel frightening. If I can at all, I can barely control them, and they hurt, like real fires. But if they’re happening in the first place, it’s because one of us aren’t exactly calm and taking in the situation,” he muttered, “For me, at least, they feel just as panicked as I am in the moment, like they’re just going to grow and reduce everything that exists to ashes.”

“You reached out to Vexen,” Dr. Mariah echoed. She knew Vexen only a bit, in how she knew everyone who was a part of Amaina’s game a little bit. A man who not only was a mad scientist, but wanted to be one. Delighted in the stereotype. Even in a fantasy setting had picked it and reveled in it, almost as if he had something to prove through it.

But she only knew him in that ‘game’ sense, and otherwise all she knew was, “That’s Even’s Nobody, yes? Was he able to help? What happened?”

Lauriam let out a chestful of air and leaned his elbows on his knees, a slight smile on his face because, really? What else could he do but grimly laugh at it?

“He came by my world as a check-up, and after that I confessed to him I was feeling suicidal again,” Lauriam started, voice soft with the topic, “I feel bad a lot, but it’d been a long time since I felt like I wanted to die enough to possibly do something about it. But I knew that still wasn’t what I actually wanted, what the problem actually was, so instead of bottling it or doing something stupid, I asked him for help.”

He huffed quietly. “It sounds kind of stupid explaining it, but I misunderstood him. I mentioned that I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, that I wasn’t worth having a real life, and he asked if the life of a Chibi sounded acceptable to me. Like, if Marluxia was the one out living, and I was there in support, if that sounded better than how things were, and…I thought he was speaking hypothetically. We didn’t think we’d ever see the Nobodies who went back to base essence as themselves again.”

Lauriam’s eyes lowered. “...and I really missed Mars. It sounded almost like a nice dream, to sort of go back to our old dynamic. So I said yeah, that’d be nice.” Groaning, Lauriam rubbed his forehead. “...and while we were sleeping, he somehow brought Marluxia back, but…wrong. I don’t understand how, the actual mechanics of how that all works is not my wheelhouse, but he was back, and I was stuck in a Chibi body that couldn’t speak.”

“And he was so fucking pissed.”

Smiling grimly, Lauriam explained, “While all the Somebodies were asleep, he thought he was me. Like, there had never been a Nobody between us, ‘Marluxia’ was just who ‘Lauriam’ became to survive. And when he and Luis found me in our consciousness, he gave up being himself for me. He died so I wouldn’t be in a coma for the rest of our lives. And coming back, he was so angry at Vexen for bringing him back, and refusing to undo that, and so pissed at me for…wasting the life he gave me.”

Lauriam winced, closing his eyes. “It was…unfortunate we had an audience when he found me. The others got freaked out, and Namine especially, that she locked us all in our worlds away from each other and kept up this constant emotion dome trying to keep everyone from feeling bad. I was pretty out of it, but I heard that Axel and Demyx were close to having their brains shut down, and Luis, Sora, and Riku were, like, exploding. That all led to Namine going back to base essence herself…”

He sighed. It was a sad, defeated thing. “...I keep freaking her out. She and Kairi are the strongest, and Namine’s taken on this…this massive sense of responsibility to protect us with that power. And every time something happens to me, she feels like she’s failed.” Lauriam hunched in on himself. “...I’m her big brother, and I don’t think I’ve ever been able to protect her. It…sucks. I hate always doing this to her.”

“Dealing with more power than your peers can be a difficult burden for anyone, but children especially can struggle with that sense of responsibility. It’s not your fault that it’s something Namine is dealing with, I’m certain. But it is something that she’ll likely need your guidance for, in developing out of those habits as she grows. If she doesn’t receive that guidance, those tendencies will only grow more ingrained and harder to navigate,” Dr. Mariah cautioned him, before sighing, “But again. You likely aren’t as responsible for her predicament as you think. She is a powerful person that cares for you, cares for others… when you have the ability to force wellness onto others, it’s hard to rationalize inaction.”

She also probably needs therapy, Dr. Mariah didn’t say. Lauriam was her focus right now.

“So, in regards to how Vexen ‘helped’... it sounds like he didn’t,” Dr. Mariah frowned, “He changed your circumstance, which I’m sure he imagined would help. But he likely only changed the circumstance that he believed, as an outsider of your issues, was leading to your unhappiness. We tend to wildly overestimate our own ability to understand other people’s pain. I would assume even Empaths fall under this trap, of deciding they understand someone else's problems better than the person themselves understands them. And since we know ‘better’, well… we simply have no choice but to solve that person’s problem for them.”

“I understand if the impulse is to laugh at me a little, considering my job,” Dr. Mariah smiled lightly, “But that’s actually one of the reasons therapy is important. One aspect of problem solving that every therapist should know long before they have their first patient, is that you cannot solve anyone’s issues for them. You can only help focus them, guide them, until they find a solution they want for themselves. We cannot even truly determine what our patients’ issues truly are. We can guess, and try to keep those guesses developing and informed, and can help maintain focus on those issues if we think they’re a danger to the patient… but we can’t ever really know. We can only hope we’re right and that it’s helping.”

“And even if we are right, or our suggestions would help… we can’t force you to accept those diagnoses, and we can’t force you to take our suggestions, and we can’t force you to believe in anything you truly do not wish to believe in,” Dr. Mariah shrugged lightly, “And part of being a therapist is accepting that. Everyone can do their absolute best. But it’s always up to the patient, whether anything helps or not.”

“So, Vexen tried to change your circumstance by changing your literal life circumstance,” Dr. Mariah summarized, “He turned you into something else. Namine tried to change your circumstance by forcing you to feel a different way about it, but couldn’t maintain it. And Marluxia changed your circumstance by ‘giving’ you life through ‘dying’ in your place… and none of it helped.” Dr. Mariah said, “Can you imagine a situation where something would help? In that moment where you called Vexen for help… is there anything external in your life that would have needed to change, that would have gotten you through that day?”

Lauriam nodded tiredly. They could apologize to Namine for failing to look after her, they could say it wasn’t her fault when bad things happened to the group…but even if some of that helped, he had a feeling his little sister still considered their family under her protection. It seemed like all he could do was try not to get into trouble she’d feel like a failure for not preventing, and remind her that he loved her and he was always there to talk, but…

Well, when did Lauriam ever have the power to change anything in their family? Certainly not any minds. 

(He was too dumb, temperamental, and easily manipulated, apparently.)

Lauriam huffed out a truly unhappy laugh. “Dr. Mariah, I already know I’m the problem. No, nothing ever seems to help, despite how much other people put in to help me. Even if I start feeling better in the moment, no conversation or hug or reassurance has ever prevented me from feeling awful some time later. Even in the life change that really should’ve changed everything, making it so we weren’t always just moving onto one tragedy after another? I put myself in a coma three days after waking up and being free, and I haven’t managed to do anything right since.”

“I want things to be better, I want a life where things can just feel okay, but I think the only way I’d ever not just be moving from one horrible thing to the next would to not be me.” Lauriam shrugged minutely. “I don’t know what to do. And no one else seems to have an answer either.”

Dr. Mariah hummed a bit, leaning back in her seat. She lightly traced her thumb across her perfectly manicured fingernails. They were painted a slightly shimmering, pearlish pink. She tapped her thumb against the blunt end of those fingernails lightly…

“It’s important to establish the difference between mental illness and what we in the medical field call SLS,” she said, placing her hands back on her journal, “Shit Life Syndrome. Therapists ignore external sources of pain at our patients' risk. It’s an inelegant syndrome that they don’t give you academic accolades for discovering, but sometimes things feel hard because they are hard.”

Tap, tap, tap, “You said sometimes people do things that make you feel better in the moment. Let’s analyze that… If you had to put a number to it? How long do those moments last before you begin to feel bad again?”

Lauriam couldn’t help but huff a snort of startled amusement. It wasn’t a radical concept. He and his family had been well aware of how awful their lives were, and they put so much effort into combating as much of it as possible, because otherwise? It was the sort of life that destroyed a person. 

The two rules were some of their biggest pillars in being able to survive at all. 

He had to admit, though, that there was something funny in hearing it had a medical term. 

“It depends,” Lauriam sighed, “Sometimes a day, though feeling bad again afterwards usually feels more numb than outright bad. And in the factory, that usually wasn’t much of an issue, since I spent a lot of time spacing out. Sometimes months, though,” he smiled hesitantly, “Until the next awful thing happened.”

“Feeling numb after a massive emotional outburst is fairly normal, even for long periods of time. The ‘fire’ in your mind does a lot of physical damage to your body, in the way any panic attack or rage meltdown might affect anyone’s nerve endings, where it puts the body through a lot of fight/flight adrenaline that it needs to recover from. And that’s not even factoring in your seizures, which would do even more damage to your body that it would need to recover from.” Dr. Mariah said, “So numbness during that recovery period doesn’t surprise me.”

“...it’s also, in some ‘lesser of two evil’ ways, not the worst outcome, if feeding into it can get you to your next good day,” Dr. Mariah admitted with a soft sigh, “It’s a bit of advice I don’t always give, and don’t often like to give, but… sometimes a coping mechanism that gives you lower quality of life but still keeps you alive is better than the alternative. Finding hobbies that soothe you into a dissociative state, that distract you from your problems, or from thinking, for long periods of time… it can, and often does, become maladaptive. A temporary distraction becoming the only thing someone will allow themselves to engage with from the moment they wake up till they go to sleep, because thinking becomes too painful. It’s not good, is what I’m stressing.”

“But it’s also not ‘bad’. It’s a way of existing through difficult times that I could even encourage, in some cases. And I bring this up because it does seem like you would benefit somewhat from having a way to self-soothe to a point of distraction. If your problems truly aren’t external? Then we need to help you cope with the internal.”

“Do you have any hobbies that are soothing?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Distracting?”

Lauriam had still been filtering things through the lens he always had, but with the reminder that he did, actually, have a physical condition in his seizures… That did make a lot of sense, actually. How drained he felt sometimes after high emotions. The achy sludge and muck Marluxia complained about feeling in their body when he forced himself up to eat and shower and use the bathroom. If all those times weren’t just some force of Lauriam’s misery, and were them recovering from, essentially, a physical injury?

That…put a lot of things into a new perspective.

Lauriam looked back up at Dr. Mariah imploringly as she described distraction tactics, before he smiled hesitantly. “Embroidery. And while I was actively thinking about things before, I could see myself getting wrapped up in cotton-batting too. In the factory, I gardened and did other crafts when I was on my own, and I did because they felt relaxing. Sparring is sort of like that for me too, but I’m not sure if that’s the type of ‘soothing’ you’re talking about.”

He gave the young-looking therapist a small shrug. “Our Nobodies were the ones with active jobs. There were things the Somebodies could and had to do to help, sure, sure, but my parents explained that it was really important for the Somebodies to find ways to spend our time. The island itself distracted from what our prison looked like. Hobbies were one of the only ways we were allowed to have a life. Everyone picked up something to do.”

Dr. Mariah tried to ascertain if her next question was nosiness, or genuinely helpful for Lauriam. Nosiness or helpful… Considering Marluxia’s idea of helping others was to also die, which seemed to be something Lauriam believed? Helpful.

“Could I ask what Marluxia did?” Dr. Mariah asked, “When he wasn’t working?”

Lauriam nodded, a more fond smile softening his expression. “He likes drawing too, but he’s really into metalwork, as, like…something that’s more than just a hobby we both had when we were both me. He made this cool, huge dragon sculpture in our world after Vexen brought him back, and…” Lauriam let out a sheepish laugh, “...it maaaay be absorbing others’ energy. But right now, all that seems to be doing is growing a bunch of different flowers on it.”

“He and Larxene are best friends, have been since they met, so they hung out a ton when they weren’t working,” Lauriam continued, “I know he hasn’t told me everything they do together, and it’s too many memories to sort through from when he went back to essence, but she’s a heck of a performer and he likes watching her test performances. In part because they’re hers, but I think most anything that’s exciting and new he’s interested in to some extent.”

He winced. “That’s why he was interested in the music Mouse was talking about.”

“He likes sparring too, a lot of anything that can be a competition, and, like…” Lauriam paused, trying to figure out how to explain the concept on the tip of his tongue. “Things that are…physically challenging, but that encompasses Empathetic, uh… abilities, I guess. He’s the one who figured out our teleportation abilities, um, our dad had wings and his world was in the sky, and I couldn’t tell you how many races across the clouds Marluxia challenged him to, to figure out different methods of beating him without flying…” Lauriam’s voice softened as he trailed off, the nice memory hurting a little bit, as it did time to time thinking about his dad.

Honestly, a pretty healthy range of hobbies. Including a social one, if Marluxia’s time with Larxene could be considered as such. Dr. Mariah made a mental note to ask who Lauriam enjoyed spending time with. She suspected the answer was going to be his boyfriends, and she knew she’d have to encourage him to spend time with more people if that was the case. Friendship, outside of any other relationship that could be mentioned, was an important presence in any person's life because it was grounding. Having someone not in some way bound to you willingly engage with you was good for confidence, tended to expand personal experiences, but in Dr. Mariah’s opinion, the most important part was that maintaining friendships was challenging in a way many other relationships couldn’t be. You had to be conscious of yourself and how you treat others actively, in friendships, because friends could more easily leave if their feelings were regularly discarded. 

Fantastic relationship practice, friendships. It never surprised Dr. Mariah when a couple seriously struggling admitted they didn’t have friendships outside of the relationship. No kidding. Shocker. Git gud at socializing, scrub.

Dr. Mariah suppressed the small, amused smile at her own line of thought. She probably needed some water.

But before she could bring it up, she noticed the way Lauriam’s face fell. “We’ve discussed your father a little, but it’s worth bringing up in greater depth. He seems like he had quite an influence on you growing up. Tell me more about him.”

Lauriam took a small breath before nodding, somewhat artificially perking himself up, even if there were aspects of talking about his dads that he genuinely enjoyed. “Terra and Raxter. I’m sure the Old Guard had been having conversations about it, but to me it seemed so…natural and out of nowhere how my dad initially took up looking after me. Later Xaldin told me that they all decided to give Ienzo and me different ‘parents’ because that might make an eventual relationship feel less strange, but it felt way less strategic than that to me.”

He let out a soft laugh. “I’ve always been the dumb one, after all, so I couldn’t imagine Even and Aeleus taking me in. And my parents would’ve been heartbroken ending up with kids like Ienzo and Zexion who always tried to get out of sparring however they could.”

“My dads were the best,” Lauriam got back on track, even if he was forced to suck in a breath that shook, “I hated asking for anything, but Terra always made sure to include me in everything he could think of, and Raxter always acted like it was a foregone conclusion. Like, obviously I’d be included, it was stupid to even question it. Before then, I’d been raised to be super polite, keep an even keel, like…judge the appropriate place I belonged in a situation, you know?”

The soft laugh that escaped Lauriam made his eyes crinkle. “I was terrified the first time I blew up at Raxter. I barely remember what it was about, he kept teasing and needling me, I think he’d been trying to figure out what I wanted to do or what I liked to eat or something, and he got under my skin so well I just snapped at him. And he just laughed while I stared up at him like the world was about to end, and said something like, ‘finally’ and clapped me on the back. I felt so confused, but after that I finally started to relax around everyone, and…that’s sort of emblematic to the people my dads were to me. They never let me stay in my shell, even if they had to poke pointy sticks in.”

Dr. Mariah didn’t find the older Empaths strategizing all that surprising either. She didn’t entirely know what their living situation had been like, but she suspected ‘cramped’ wasn’t far off, at least in the sense of the island. Yes, she knew they all had their own worlds, but to share a mind? Or to sustain a network of minds? It was more cramped than the average human mind had to deal with. The people involved needing to be much more careful of maintaining group harmony, as any fallout could endanger the whole group.

The group guessing which set of parents might better suit which child was a good sign that they had mastered certain aspects of that group harmony as well. “It sounds like they were who you needed, when you needed them,” Dr. Mariah said, a touch gently. Discussing lost parents was always difficult. Good relationship, bad relationship, fresh or years ago. It always paid to be gentle on this topic. “Did you ever discuss with them the moods you find yourself in? Were they aware of it?”

“They were,” Lauriam said softly, the ‘were’ hurting like it always did. (Like it was saying that Lauriam didn’t still need his dads. Like he hadn’t needed them for the past six years. Like their loss didn’t still feel like this part of him that had been ripped away and left a gaping wound. He supposed that was a bit literal, considering how they’d severed themselves from the island.)

Taking a breath against the grief, Lauriam nodded. “I think I talked to them more than anyone about it, actually, though Mom’s a close third. After my assault and accident, Raxter stopped me from hurting myself and…I guess it’d be grounding me. He stayed with me for hours, and had Marluxia and me sleep with him and Terra in the clouds that night. Even before that, though… If I really didn’t have the energy or was really upset, Terra never, like, pushed me to act like nothing was wrong. But he never let me wallow in it. He always started up a spar match or took me swimming or we’d just share something to eat while watching the island from the clouds, and we’d talk. Sometimes they’d press too much when it really wasn’t anything, so I think I kept giving them more complicated signals as time went on. But especially after the Tengan incident, they always made sure someone was checking up on me at least a little.”

“And did that help?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Those were difficult years for you as well. I would imagine just as challenging as anything you’ve faced in the last few years. Do you recall if the effort your fathers made had a difference?”

Lauriam shrugged. “I’m still alive, so I’d like to think so. But like I said before, nothing ever stopped me from feeling awful again later, even knowing that my dads were there for me.”

Then Lauriam paused. Something considering flitting across his face, before he gave Dr. Mariah a grim look. “...we, all of us in the factory, lied to each other. Because anytime we didn’t, the silence instead had to be this helpless acknowledgement that none of us could ever stop the next horrible thing from happening. ‘It won’t happen again’, was a lie. ‘You’ll be safe’, was a lie. No one could do anything to stop a punishment, to stop harassment, to stop whatever the Indentureds did to try and save themselves, to stop the inevitability of death. And knowing that, and knowing that the people you love more than anything are in that situation too, and there’s nothing you can do about it?”

Lauriam’s next words were quiet, but firm. Like a gravestone. “That’s true hellfire.”

“I believe it,” Dr. Mariah said softly, “And there’s not a golden lining there, and if there’s a lesson to be learned, it wasn’t one meant to be taught. You and your family lived through atrocities. In some ways, it’s truly commendable that your group came out as adjusted as you did. Commendable in the sense that it must have taken pointed, consistent effort. It’s not a lie or an exaggeration to say you all could have not survived it, or been broken in more fundamental ways than you’ve presented yourselves. The fact that your reaction to stimulus seems to potentially not be a result of that background? Is very likely a testament to your fathers’ efforts. At the very least, his efforts seemed to have mitigated it to the point where, as you said… you’re still alive.”

“That said? The feelings of consistent depression you have, the emotional outbursts, the numbness… yes, there’s likely aspects of it that are innate to you. Chronic,” Dr. Mariah said, “But to dismiss SLS from the equation is, to put in the most neutral way I can… irresponsible of me. Your life, if I may be crass, was shit. It’s still not been exactly ideal even in the most recent years. But even if it had been? You’d still be recovering from how bad things were for so long. Your body doesn’t just shake off that level of trauma once things are better. The damage that sort of trauma does to you is very physical, and you carry it long after the incident is done. It takes years to heal. Years for that pain to feel manageable to the point of negligible. And it takes maintenance and care.”

“You won’t get better overnight.” Dr. Mariah said, “...but it does get better.”

…yeah. Yeah. Maybe it was naive to hope that everything would just be good if they were out of the factory. Maybe…it was unfair to compare how loud his problems were to his family’s, because maybe they just weren’t telling him the parts that were hard, when he was so visibly struggling. Maybe they all just were. 

Lauriam took a shaky breath before smiling softly. “...it’s a nice thing to hope for, that things will get better. A good thought to have in mind. That one day bad things will feel further away, and my day to day will feel pleasantly mundane.”

“It’s alright if you don’t truly believe that yet,” Dr. Mariah said, “It might feel hopeful for hope’s sake. If it feels like a fantasy, then let yourself indulge in the fantasy, when things are hard, or you need motivation to do the little maintenance moments you will need to improve things little by little. Holding onto these moments of fantasy, of hope, is quite literally in reality the only thing that gets the average person through the hard times. If you do not indulge the thought, then hope is literally lost. And there’s nothing we can do from there.”

“For your homework assignment, I’d like you to pursue making more things with your cottons,” Dr. Mariah said, “You said you found the process soothing when you did it, even when you were thinking about the purpose behind it. Let’s see if we can more reliably capture that feeling. Will that work alright for you?”

Lauriam smirked lightly. “Doctor, I’m sorry if this sounds a little patronizing… I’ve lived a significant portion of my life in an imaginary fantasy. I’m aware of the importance.” He still understood what she was saying--the hope of the island was a little different than the hope of the future, and the latter was something they all had given up on completely. But it was similar in a lot of ways too. 

Taking a breath, he nodded. “I can do that. Though, I, uh…” Lauriam offered a sheepish grin, “I might not make a lot of progress in just a few days. Marluxia had a seizure yesterday and while I’m feeling a lot better, I don’t think the rest of today is exactly going to be ‘productive’.”

Dr. Mariah raised a delicate eyebrow. “Oh? You do know I have to ask about it.”

Lauriam had begun to nod, before he visibly hesitated. And after a few moments, he gave Dr. Mariah a small frown. “It’s his business and I don’t feel comfortable discussing it without him.”

“It is his business. But I want to know how it affected you,” Dr. Mariah said, giving Lauriam a cool stare, “If we wish to discuss how it affected Marluxia, we can talk to him, yes. But I don’t want to start a precedent where discussing how the things that happen to Marluxia affect you requires his presence or approval.”

Lauriam’s frown scrunched. He supposed that was reasonable, but it still felt wrong getting into it without letting Marluxia speak for himself. He knew his Nobody felt humiliated by the event, and it felt cruel to bring it up at all.

He sighed softly. “...the castle’s a lot bigger than our rooms in the factory,” he finally decided to say, “It was harder than it ever was to get our body to safety.” Lauriam frowned a little more. “...I guess what happened in Romeliad was kind of the same, but I don’t really remember running with Ira, so maybe not.”

Another sigh. “I’m not saying that he doesn’t get upset or doesn’t need consideration, but Marluxia’s really cool. And strong. The others criticize him for his temper a lot, but he’s really good at keeping things together in dangerous situations,” Lauriam said, his voice soft with clear, obvious admiration. “So it’s really scary when there’s something that he’s freaked out over. I can’t knock him out like he does me, so trying to reassure him or just be comforting never feels like enough, but I try to take care of him. I…think I did alright yesterday.”

“Can you go over with me what your process was?” Dr. Mariah asked. An alarm had raised about Marluxia ‘knocking Lauriam out’ during Lauriam’s episodes, and Dr. Mariah wasn’t certain yet how seriously to take that alarm. It was, again, that new territory of the boyfriend cohabitating both a mind and a body, and having been originally created with a purpose. If he was a person who could live separately from Lauriam, it was immediately an issue, and a large one at that. But if Marluxia was still functioning partly as a coping technique?

…still an alarm. But potentially a pain point that would cause more problems if she addressed it. At least right away.

“I fronted more, trying to breathe deeper and relax our muscles,” Lauriam started explaining, “Some panic can get worse by the physical reaction, so if I could calm down some of those, it could help him calm down emotionally too, and maybe prevent the start of the seizure too. And I talked to him, trying to reassure that things were okay. Like…um…”

Lauriam wetted his lips, brows scrunching as he thought through how to explain everything without intruding too much on Marluxia’s business. “...it was understandable, what he was upset about. And fine to get upset. But how that upset spiraled was…catastrophizing, so I was trying to reassure that those things wouldn’t happen, and, um…some more personal things. Then the person he’d been talking to offered a solution, so I encouraged that, and got us to the point where it could happen and Marluxia could see that, so he wouldn’t just have to rely on someone saying it was okay with no proof, right? Then I got us to the medical wing of the castle because we did still have a minor seizure. He wanted to be alone for a little while, but we just spent some time together that evening when he wanted company again.”

“Interesting,” Dr. Mariah said, “...how does it usually go when things are reversed? How does everyone react when you’re the one starting to panic?”

“If it’s particularly bad, someone knocks me out, or Namine forces numb on me,” Lauriam said decisively, “Otherwise…Marluxia does a lot of the stuff I do for him, or someone will hold me so I can’t move much and and get me to calm down enough to explain what happened, and that conversation usually helps.”

Knocked out or held down. Both weren’t great. But again, Dr. Mariah didn’t have context yet for what these moments looked like in a physical way. That said…

“It does seem like you used a gentler method on Marluxia, than the others have used for you,” Dr. Mariah said, “Would you appreciate gentler methods of calming you during these moments? Has that ever been a conversation you’ve had with your family?”

For a moment, Lauriam just blinked at Dr. Mariah, like she’d suddenly started speaking a different language. And, slowly, he said, “...I’m a problem when I’m upset. What happens is just the best way to deal with that.”

“Hmm,” Dr. Mariah hummed, “No.”

“Yes,” Lauriam said warily, suddenly feeling like he’d stepped onto a frozen lake that had abruptly cracked under his feet, despite having never seen a frozen lake in his life. “People get hurt when I’m upset. No one else is allowed to be upset because my feelings are too loud. Stopping me before I turn a bad situation into one of no return is just…efficient.”

“Perhaps back in the factory,” Dr. Mariah conceded, “It’s not a method that was derived from, let’s say, lack of effort. Your outbursts likely did put you and the others in danger, and if they couldn’t be controlled, safety was in unconsciousness. I can understand that.”

“But now?” Dr. Mariah shook her head, “No. As far as soothing techniques go, it’s a bit… basic. Almost lazy, though I know it didn’t start that way. You can demand better. But they’ll only improve if you tell them you want more. Even if technically we all know this isn’t the case, almost everyone has a predisposition to taking silence as approval.”

Lauriam’s lips twisted uncomfortably. Maybe things were different here. No people to promise the slow, painful torture and deaths of everyone you held dear because someone was screaming and lashing out. No quotas to meet that you’d delay by sobbing for a few hours. No shady figures waiting to kidnap you again if you tried to run away from home. 

But still…

“...it feels childish,” Lauriam admitted. “Oh no, please don’t knock me out when I’m acting like a lunatic…’ It’s…ungrateful. And like I can’t handle it, when my family already treats me like a stick of dynamite.”

“No… if anything, changing your dynamic here is you letting go of childish things.” Dr. Mariah said, “This was a coping technique your family learned to utilize, yes, while you all were in active danger, but also, when you were young and it was difficult for you to rationalize why anything needed to improve. They could not teach you how to self soothe, and there was no time for you to grow and mature and learn to do so as you got older. Sticking to the same coping techniques they developed to help you when you were a teenager is stagnating you. Changing the dynamic is allowing you to grow up.”

“I understand it feels like a big ask,” Dr. Mariah said gently, “Because they’ve already had to put effort and time into learning the techniques they already have. But consider this… it’s not emotionally good for your loved ones to need to violently subdue you every time you’re upset either. That likely is also creating feelings of panic and fear in them, every time they have to have these little battles with you. Learning a gentler technique would be less traumatizing on them as well.”

Lauriam was an adult. He was in his mid-20s. He was the age when people took life by the reins, and even if they didn’t totally know what direction they wanted to go in, they still went somewhere, and the process of living through the ups and downs of that were what let them grow. 

In a lot of ways, the arrival of his little siblings had forced Lauriam into growing up. In a lot of ways, the title of ‘older brother’, rather than of being more of a parent figure, didn’t pull him out of the ways he still felt like a kid. He didn’t feel like he’d ever made decisions for his own life, like he wasn’t capable of it. He followed the adults’ rules, sought their validation, even any act of rebellion was still a reaction to their decisions. 

It was one of the reasons he was so adamant about moving out on his own. He couldn’t be like that forever. Lauriam needed to pick a direction for his life. He needed to choose something that wasn’t an option his parents and guardians picked out for him. 

But that was something new. Actively trying to change something already established?

“...how do I start that conversation?” Lauriam finally asked softly. “I get seizures when I’m too stressed out, that’s something that could kill me. I don’t…know how to ask them to let me learn how to cope with being upset if letting me make my own mistakes is them standing by while I could die. No one would be okay with that.”

Dr. Mariah relaxed ever so slightly. 

“Is there anyone in your life that you would trust to be a reassuring presence during a panic attack?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Not trust to stop you, but trust to attempt the new method consistently?”

Lauriam gave Dr. Mariah a slightly dry look. “I just said no one would be okay with letting me hurt myself. The only person who has is in a different country, and the only reason he did was because he was going through his own stuff.”

Dr. Mariah shook her head. “I don’t mean ‘allowing you to hurt yourself’. I mean attempting to help you through a gentler approach.” 

She paused.

“...also I would like to hear that story as well, but I am not derailing,” Dr. Mariah said, her voice stern because she was half talking to herself. “The idea of attempting a new method of soothing you isn’t inherently meant to fail. Ideally it shouldn’t be any more risky than regularly knocking you unconscious. It would just be how you helped Marluxia, but for you.”

Lauriam let out a sigh. “...Marluxia might be willing if I talked to him about it, and the rest of my family might try, but they’d always have the idea that me unconscious is better than me dead. They’ve just seen how bad it can get too often to be okay chancing something they don’t have to.”

After saying that, though, Lauriam’s lips twisted a bit as he sat back on the couch. “...and it was that accident I mentioned. Gave myself mental alcohol poisoning or something like that, but I had the time to do it to myself because the only person around was too messed up on their own issues to intervene.”

A softer frown drew Lauriam’s lips down as he looked away. “Which…I don’t think he should’ve needed to. It was a mistake to go there in the first place.”

“Perhaps it’s a conversation to have with Marluxia then. Since he’s also the one primarily knocking you out, yes? As a constant companion, he might be best suited for trying new methods of aid regardless. And, if you have difficulty explaining that desire, that is something I’d be open to mediating,” Dr. Mariah said. Discussing new aid methods not the same sort of potentially biased form of relationship therapy she could develop by pulling Marluxia in and out of therapy at Lauriam’s request.

“There does seem to be a pattern of you going to people in your group for help, and their form of aid seemingly making it worse,” Dr. Mariah frowned, “Did the individual encourage your drinking?”

“...mostly,” Lauriam mumbled, looking elsewhere. At least these days it was mostly Marluxia. Though he did remember Terra knocking Marluxia out the day they woke Lauriam back up, and he supposed Namine dragging them all onto the island when he freaked out on Xaldin was kind of the same thing. Honestly, the times Marluxia knocked him out were some of the more gentle methods, from what Dr. Mariah was calling ‘violent’. 

He took a breath. “I’ll talk to him, then.”

Though that moment of calm was only that moment, as Lauriam frowned warily at the pattern Dr. Mariah was making. “Not really. I think he said something about having a better time drinking at the bar than under a table, but he left me alone after that, because…” Lauriam squinted, trying to parse out what actually happened between his personal recollection of the events (which weren’t that coherent, honestly) and reviewing it as a memory. “Because Marluxia and I told him to. I think.”

“Have you found yourself turning to alcohol before or since then to help with your stress?” Dr. Mariah asked.

Lauriam grimaced and shook his head. “To help with stress, no. Even if my parents hadn’t kept me away from it for a while anyway, I didn’t want to drink at all. And years later when I drank a little for socializing, I…don’t like how I get when I’m drunk. So especially once the teens were in the picture, I stay away from it.”

“Likely for the best,” Dr. Mariah said, tapping against her journal, “...so you went to Vexen, and he changed your mental physiology. You went to this other individual, and he encouraged you to drink to the point of poisoning. And there was another incident with I believe Xaldin that you’ve mentioned, that resulted in the fire, that also resulted in Namine repressing you.”

She sighed a bit. “It’s difficult, when your support network is also struggling. It sounds like you’ve gone to aid a few different times, and the ones you went to were unable to help you without worsening the situation.”

It was more that Luis hadn’t discouraged him…or told anyone what was going on, but it sounded like Dr. Mariah was on a roll, so Lauriam didn’t interrupt. Almost immediately he had to renege that, to correct with a wince, “Well… I’m not sure what Namine’s plan then was, but my family actually had to contact Prince Ouma and his colleagues to help, and it ended up with my brother stabbing me with one of his constructs to subdue me.”

Lauriam’s frown twisted as he shrugged helplessly. “...it’s all turned out fine in the end. And sometimes that’s all you can really hope for.”

It really was impossible to know where to start.

Lauriam was a mix of likely genuine medical and hormonal imbalances, an extremely poor support network, recovering from trauma that seemed all so equally terrible that it was hard to say which one created which terrible coping mechanism, all pervaded by the fact that his life probably still was shit despite looking better in comparison to other moments.

Worse, it was impossible to figure out what Lauriam actually needed help with. His last attack was the result of a literal, physical attack against him, even the most mentally stable person would have difficulty being violently and mortally assaulted. His seizures were ‘stress-based’, but Dr. Mariah had no concept of exactly what that meant, and was still struggling to find the range of what a regular bad day was, the ‘sludge’ feeling, when all of that became a seizure, and when that seizure became a mental physiologically changing event. Lauriam had seemingly already dismissed the idea of allowing the others to help him, had dismissed the risk of desiring anything for himself, potentially had hallucinations, and definitely had a consistent delusion that he was currently deceased. 

It was a mix of symptoms and syndromes that didn’t align with each other, all coming from such a variety of potential sources that Dr. Mariah couldn’t begin to trace any of them. And Lauriam himself seemed to have no clear sense of urgency regarding any of it. There was nothing to focus on.

Perhaps the answer wasn’t in Lauriam, then. Changing from internal sources seemed to be a bit beyond him, and Dr. Mariah couldn’t help him with that if she couldn’t get a grasp of what those internal self-destructive tendencies were coming from. External sources might genuinely be the best way to assist him, which wasn’t working because his support network was lacking in the skills needed to help him. Perhaps group therapy? But group therapy all done with the goal of assisting only one person within the group was potentially exacerbating the issues the others had in their own coping mechanisms, and Dr. Mariah would hesitate to do that to them if she could avoid it. More than that, she wasn’t entirely certain she could adequately manage a group of roughly, what… thirteen people? More?

No, that was too big a leap. Dr. Mariah just wasn’t sure where to go from here. What did she focus on? The suicidal ideations, the lack of self worth, the seizures, the belief in his own death, dating someone twenty years his senior who assisted in raising him, dating a construct he created in his own mind, the torture, the being a torturer, the fact that apparently his brother stabbed him at some point, the death of his father, the fact that another person wearing his father’s face was still around, his mother–well, she supposed they hadn’t actually discussed his mother in any great detail yet. 

In truth, they hadn’t discussed anything in great detail yet. They were only two sessions in, after all. But Dr. Mariah was beginning to worry that she was inadequate in dealing with Lauriam’s most base-line problem: the man was physically ill, and until he could get that under control, Dr. Mariah had no way to know what was a symptom of his illness, and what was something that needed therapy. 

Lauriam, as Dr. Mariah had noted in their first session, really just needed a doctor. 

But, that was already in progress. So Dr. Mariah had to hope that a physician would be able to help with the actual illness that was threatening Lauriam’s life regularly, and she would have to focus on managing his stress levels. Which was…

“Tell me more about the construct your brother used to assist you,” Dr. Mariah said, “And more about the incident you needed assistance with.”

Lauriam raised his eyebrows a little. It was something important to discuss, even he knew that the flower monster incident had really messed up his head. And body. And relationships. Still, it felt a little all over the place, with everything else they had been talking about. It was hard to know where to start with him, Lauriam supposed.

“He calls it the keyblade,” Lauriam started explaining, not feeling the impulse to flinch from just talking about the keyblade in concept, “He started developing it once he woke back up as a way to potentially wake the rest of us up without Kokichi’s help, but it kind of became a project to make something that helps him be clear-headed. And,” Lauriam chuckled lightly, “it does a lot more than that too, but that’s the important part.”

“The ‘incident’ was when Xaldin said he loved me, and I turned into a monster,” he said, putting together some of the disparate parts they’d already discussed. “Apparently it’s something called an ‘Entropic Meltdown’, and pretty rare for psychics, but most of what I got out of the explanation is that it’s just full on losing your mind.”

Lauriam frowned a bit, disappointment and shame drawing his eyes down. “I was wreaking havoc on the island and everyone there, they were trying to figure out how to stop me, then Kokichi and the cat and other guy made some plan with my family that let Sora get at me. And the only part of any of that I remember is a split second of seeing Sora on the other side of his keyblade. Then I was a ball of light, and I couldn’t feel anything at all for a while.”

“That’s a fairly intense reaction to being told you’re loved,” Dr. Mairah observed. “I imagine it was more complicated than that.”

“Uuugh.”

Lauriam let out a heavy sigh as he groaned. “It wasn’t just that…” He made a face. “I know it’s not just that, but that’s how everyone tells the story now. Why did I even say it that way too?”

He shook his head a little, closing his eyes for a moment. “...Xaldin and I were having, just…this awful conversation right after being together. He was trying to tell me to leave him in the dust, stop mooning over someone that was about to die, take advantage of a world of people who aren’t--” A flash of frustrated pain came over Lauriam’s face in a grimace as the bitter notes in his voice strained. “--a shitty pedophile.”

Lauriam ground his teeth. “I was trying to tell him how awful that is to hear right after he had sex with me, how miserable that makes me feel that he’s ashamed of himself for liking me, how I wasn’t just stuck with him, I was choosing to be there…” Lauriam’s voice softened. “...because I love him. But before I could even get the words out, I was struck by just how…violent that emotion was in me. Like we talked about before. And I was trying to process that, because love had never felt like that to me before.”

“But while I was, he kept talking and made this point about how we mean too much to each other to ever be nothing to each other, and one of the points he made was about being in love and it just felt…” Lauriam let out a sigh. It sounded defeated. “It felt like he’d just pinpointed on this thing I suddenly realized was dangerous, and I freaked out. I just wanted a second to think, I… I didn’t mean to. I made our whole family hallucinate that the tavern was on fire while I tried to run away.”

“And, you know, like people caught in a massive fire, they tried to escape it as quickly as possible,” Lauriam said dully. “And when they figured out it wasn’t real, Namine pulled us all to the island to figure out what happened, and I was right back around everyone. And I just wanted to escape… And apparently, that was when I exploded into this giant killer flower.”

“I’ll admit, that level of stress seems a bit out of your power to control,” Dr. Mariah conceded, giving Lauriam a thoughtful look, “That does sound like a much more difficult conversation than ‘I love you’. Not to mention your reaction to that initial stress created additional layers of stress to deal with. You said you were trying to be alone. Would isolation have helped in that process?”

Lauriam let out a breath. “Maybe? I don’t know… I feel like having some time to think about everything would’ve been better than being pulled into a family meeting while I still had my pants down, though.”

“I do agree with you,” Dr. Mariah said, “I wish it was as easy to say as the problem from that day could have been solved by better communication between yourself and Xaldin, but in truth, that was entirely out of your control. Xaldin has his own issues he’s facing, and getting him to communicate those issues better would require a willingness on his end to explore better techniques, which is outside of your control.”

“And I agree. Removing yourself from that conversation to self-soothe likely was the best move you could have made in the moment,” Dr. Mariah said, frowning a bit, “...why have everyone in your family hallucinate fire? I understand the answer is that it wasn’t a choice you consciously made. But looking back at the rationale for the things we did in a moment of panic can potentially help prepare for the next one. Why affect the entire family for a conversation you were having with one person?”

Lauriam nodded slightly. They had talked things out, eventually, but chatting on a beach or lounging in Maya’s yard or in Lauriam’s world were less charged places than a closet still steamy from sex. 

But, really, Lauriam had been doomed the moment the fires started. 

“I’d barely been awake,” Lauriam said softly, “And Marluxia was the first of us to go through all that without an Empath god holding our hands. We’ve all noticed that our abilities and capabilities have been a little different since waking up, and Vexen did warn me that things would be a little…weird for my first few days. So taking that all into account, maybe I’d tried to create some distraction for Xaldin, but because we’re all connected, it appeared for everyone.” 

He shrugged. “It’s a guess, anyway.”

“And how do you feel about the things Xaldin said now?” Dr. Mariah asked, “I can assume things improved enough that you’re now dating. But I’m hoping you both discussed the issues that had upset you both in this conversation at least somewhat.”

“We have,” Lauriam assured, looking back up with a small smile. “We’ve talked a lot, actually. Those things still feel pretty bad to me, but that feeling doesn’t extend to Xaldin anymore, if that makes sense? But I know he does love me, and he does see me as the age I actually am, and that I’m not this…awful, guilty pleasure. I get where he’s coming from, that he doesn’t want to trap me into a relationship because I have no options and I’d be trapped if he did express his feelings. But,” Lauriam smirked lightly, “I like him because he’s Xaldin, and not because he’s one of the few people I know, and he does like me back, so we’re just in a nice, reciprocated situation.”

Lauriam let out a small, sheepish laugh. “And I’m definitely not going to sleep with other people casually and also him, which would be even more of a mess considering we’re in a committed relationship with Dilan and Marluxia too, so that’s not even an issue.”

“Marluxia, Xaldin and Dilan,” Dr. Mariah echoed, “Marluxia I’ve heard the most about, for obvious reasons. Xaldin has come up a few times. What about Dilan? How are things going with him? Based on how your other relationships seem to have unfolded after you left the factory, I’m assuming his was on that same timeline. It must have been difficult, navigating starting three different relationships at once.”

Well, that was because Dr. Mariah had specifically asked about Xaldin, but Lauriam supposed this was just her way of saying it was time to talk about Dilan.

“In some ways, but in others, this sort of felt more like a relief,” Lauriam admitted. “Xaldin and I definitely started flirting with each other before Dilan was in the equation, but he was absolutely in there before we left the factory. The four of us just had this undefined thing between us for ages.” Lauriam rolled his eyes a little. “To the point the others absolutely thought we were all over each other every time we were alone, even if probably 95% of the time we were just talking.”

“Things are good with Dilan, though,” he smiled softly, though there was something a little tired in it, “He…has his own issues. And ones with Xaldin specifically. Once he woke up again, Marluxia led the charge on demanding some clarity, since we’d already gone ‘official’ with Xaldin. But since he chose us, and he’s been working things out with Xaldin, and, uh…” Lauriam paused, not quite looking hesitant, but there was something there. “The two of us talked something out we really needed to. But with all that? He’s been really great. I’d be over the moon dating Xaldin and Marluxia, I love them both a lot. But I am happy that Dilan chose to be with us too. I could put my feelings for him to rest, but I’m glad I can let them grow, you know?”

Dr. Mariah supposed that was for the best. She suspected dating one half of a person and not the other would have proven challenging. Figuring out some sort of balance between all four was likely ideal. 

Though… “May I ask what was so vital, for you two to talk out first?”

Lauriam…hesitated. Extremely clearly this time. 

“It’s…intimate,” he said. Like he was giving Dr. Mariah a warning.

“In what sense?” Dr. Mariah asked. It was usually helpful to hear how patients defined certain concepts to themselves. What was ‘intimate’ to one person being entirely benign to another.

Lacing his fingers together, Lauriam nervously, but gently stretched his knuckles. “...in that it has to do with particularly vulnerable sex, and…” He winced. “...is probably something that’s a serious dealbreaker to some people.”

“You won’t offend my sensibilities,” Dr. Mariah assured, “And it does seem to make you uncomfortable, which is reason enough for me to want to hear it. We’re attempting to manage stress levels, and your relationships will always be large factors in that.”

Lauriam’s mouth slanted down. “It makes me uncomfortable to tell anyone else. Dilan and I have talked about it, and I’m satisfied with where we’ve gotten through that. But it’s not like I don’t know what it sounds like…”

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, before looking at Dr. Mariah seriously. “In our rooms in the factory, we had a closet that couples or people looking for some privacy used. For most of my time there, it was only a ‘make-out’ closet, which I utilized with Dilan and Xaldin. During one of those times, after I’d been considering it for a while, I asked Dilan if he’d be my first. The person I’d lose my virginity to, I mean.”

Lauriam’s lips pursed for a moment, before he more quickly said, “I made it clear he could say no, and nothing would change between us. I wasn’t looking to just get it over with, I wouldn’t think any less of him, or even stop with the Thing we had. I’d just finally felt comfortable enough with myself to want to have sex, and he was someone I trusted and liked enough to ask.”

“He said yes, after confirming all that, making sure I really wanted to.” Lauriam’s eyes lowered a bit, staring past Dr. Mariah. “And not long after we started taking clothes off, he forced Xaldin to front, and to not hurt my feelings, my first time was with Xaldin pretending to be Dilan.”

“Hmmm,” Dr. Mariah hummed, before sighing a little, “I can understand why that’s a difficult story to tell. There’s… quite a few things to unpack there. Not in small part that your first time involved the betrayal of not one, but two people you were close to.”

Lauriam nodded tensely, before perhaps surprisingly relaxing a little as Dr. Mariah pinpointed the things that, well, had been what Lauriam had talked to his boyfriends about. So he said, “That’s what we talked about. I don’t want to speak for Dilan, but after our talk, I do forgive him. And I’m confident something like that won’t happen again.”

Dr. Mariah nodded minutely. She’d have to keep an eye on that, but trying to poke holes in Lauriam’s story right now would likely make him trust her less. She had to be careful, lest she end up in Miss Crystal’s situation. Maybe over time they could explore his relationships more, but for now, it’d just make him defensive and after a certain point avoidant to the whole process.

For now? “It’s good that you talked that problem out with your partners. But it does feel like a worrying start for you, as someone who feels love can be dangerous and harmful. Do you worry about how you might harm Xaldin in the way he’s harmed you?”

Lauriam blinked at Dr. Mariah before giving her a weirded out look. “Uh, no. Of all the ways I could hurt him, pretending to be Marluxia in a vulnerable moment isn’t even close to anything I think I’d stumble into. One, because I can’t imagine a situation where I’d think that was a good idea, and two--” A small, amused smile turned up Lauriam’s lips. “I’d fail. Miserably. I know Marluxia pretty well, but that doesn’t mean I can successfully act like him.”

From that amusement, Lauriam’s eyes downturned. “Not that they really can either. Entirely.” He gave her a hesitant shrug. “I did think that some things were weird, then. I’m not so unobservant that I didn’t notice everything.”

“Having doubts in a situation that should have been safe doesn’t make you naive for choosing to trust,” Dr. Mariah said, “For the same reason Marluxia cannot be blamed for his attack, you cannot be blamed for trusting your lover was who he said he was. It was something you should have been able to believe in without needing to verify it in the moment.”

“Though,” Dr. Mariah said evenly, “It is not a discredit to you for you to be more cautious in the future. You have historical precedence. It’s not paranoia for you to trust doubts more in the future, it’s learned experience. All that to say: it wouldn’t be strange if this incident made it harder for you to trust the concept of love in general.”

“Maybe,” Lauriam said softly. “And I know I have a lot of evidence otherwise, but sometimes it feels like everyone I love dies, so that makes it hard to trust too. Even if I know that since everyone dies that’s true for everyone.” He huffed a small sound. “I did argue against that point once, though, since in the context they brought it up, it made it seem like I wanted to have sex with my sister.”

“...I need a bit more context,” Dr. Mariah said, “What was this conversation?”

“I don’t remember all of it,” Lauriam sighed, “But it was one of the ‘let’s break this down’ conversations after the monster incident when people were trying to understand what happened. And since the answer was ‘Lauriam freaked out when Xaldin said ‘I love you’, someone was like ‘oh, he’s probably freaked out by that stuff because of what happened to his sister’. Which really isn’t the same context at all.”

“Is this associated with your fear of losing loved ones?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Not in the sense of suggesting they’re correct. I’m just trying to connect the thread of why it would have come up.”

Lauriam shrugged tiredly. “I’d always framed her murder to myself as someone I loved being murdered because they loved me and I tried to help them. Not ironclad reasoning, since it really didn’t take long for me to start loving my parents when they adopted me, and I don’t try to not help my family. But it did really mess me up. It made me feel like there was no point to love or goodness in the world because it only got people hurt, so as someone who couldn’t help but love others, it just condemned us to pain.”

Grimacing, Lauriam looked to the side. “...sometimes I still sort of feel like that. But I think the truer reality is that we would’ve been hurt regardless of how I felt about people. No, uh…causation there.”

“The reality of the situation is almost second to how you feel about it. You’re not simple, Lauriam, I will always assume that objectively, well analyzed critically, you recognize that the world doesn’t match how you perceive it. For instance, objectively, you are aware you are alive, yes?”

Lauriam pouted a little. “Yeah. Today, at least.”

Dr. Mariah nodded. “And you know that your family actually won’t be truly harmed by you buying yourself something frivolous once in a while, yes?”

The pout grew, joined by a light flush and a slouch. “...in most cases, yeah.”

“But that belief doesn’t come from an objective, pragmatic place. It’s the push and pull of anxiety and depression that inspires some of it, delusion that inspires others, but none of it is because you don’t, objectively, understand.” Dr. Mariah said, “And I don’t expect you to prove that to me every time we discuss how you feel about something. You can trust me to trust you that you do, in fact, know better. And with that, I want you to trust me that we’re working on the issues of how you feel. Not proving what you do and don’t know, like it’s some test you can fail.”

“...but isn’t believing something you know isn’t true failure?” he grumbled after a moment. “It’s like…willful ignorance or something.”

“‘Willful’ is the true point of contention. We don’t do these things on purpose, or because we like to. For instance, have you ever had a moment where you became upset with yourself because, in that moment, you were actively doing something you didn’t want to be doing, but even recognizing that you did not wish to do the action, the consequences of doing that action, and even having time and ability to change course to something you’d prefer, you could not do it? And it feels like one part of your mind is trapped, screaming at the rest of your mind which is on autopilot?”

Dr. Mariah paused, before adding in, “Marluxia doesn’t count.”

Lauriam couldn’t help his small snort at that. Marluxia was a pretty literal part of his mind that Lauriam didn’t have practical control over. 

But for less literal things? 

The fires, the panic episodes, every time he found some quiet place and berated himself to tears over how wrong and messed up he was… 

Lauriam’s eyes lowered. “Empathy is power over the mind, power over emotions. But I’ve never been able to control mine.”

“...this is a genuine question,” Dr. Mariah said, “Do Empaths use their abilities to control their own emotions? Every example I’ve ever heard of their abilities has made the control of emotions a purely external thing. Controlling others’ emotions. Can you make emotion domes for yourself?”

“Sort of,” Lauriam said uncertainly, his eyebrows drawing in a bit. “It’s easiest for us all to do things metaphorically, to interact with what look and feel like physical objects in the mindscape, but we are doing physical things to brains when we use our abilities. I’m saying that to let you know that there is something more going on, but I just don’t understand it in literal terms well enough.”

“It’s not a dome, at least not how I’ve seen,” he explained, “But my family members that didn’t make Nobodies ended up doing things that changed their emotions instead. We call them ‘aides’. So an aide that dampens all your emotions, one that turns any heightened emotion into anger, one that completely disorients your mind? Yeah, those are possible. I’d think it’d be possible to completely rewrite how all your emotions work if you wanted to, but that sounds kind of risky.”

“I’m not necessarily recommending it. For one, I feel like that would just end up masking the source of your concerns, both for physical issues and also emotional ones,” Dr. Mariah said, “But curiosity aside, objectively, we know that your Empath ability is not short-hand for perfect emotional control. Not for the others, certainly not for you. Even the most powerful Empaths in the world still struggle with their own emotions.”

She knew that for a fact. Kokichi was notably more stressed out in their latest session, though she couldn’t get him to talk about why much yet. Everyone in that group seemed to be holding back on talking about something that was bothering them, so they had been working on Shuichi’s fears he was an inadequate partner. Shockingly, it was of course, mommy-issues.

“Lauriam, I really, genuinely don’t believe your emotional issues are from some internal failing. You are not ‘failing’ to control yourself, you simply have inadequate coping mechanisms for truly monumentally difficult moments. The issue in your response to Xaldin’s half-done attempt to break up with you at the tavern isn’t that you got upset, or even very upset. It’s that everyone hallucinated seeing fire.” Dr. Mariah said, “You are allowed to be upset by upsetting things. That is not the problem we are tackling.”

That was true. Honestly Lauriam wasn’t sure how Axel felt about getting rid of his aide, because he had refused to discuss it and Lauriam was not the person Axel talked about personal things with. If he had to wager, they were probably spot three or four or below for each other, when it came to personal things. But Lauriam did know that Aeleus felt a lot of relief getting rid of his, and even being a person that struggled with big emotions, Lauriam had to admit not feeling much of anything did sound rough.

And the fact that the aides were people doing their passed-down coping mechanisms ‘wrong’, Lauriam got the feeling that mechanically messing with your own emotions wasn’t something the rest of his family thought were good ideas either. 

…

…break up?

(...was that… Oh. Lauriam guessed that was what that was. And his response had been ‘no we aren’t.’ Uh. Hm. Though, didn’t you have to be together to break up?)

“It’s the fact that my expression of being upset is destructive to myself and others,” Lauriam muttered, a little distracted. “And the fact that I can’t cope is somehow not a failing, even if it feels like it is.”

“You don’t have the skills to cope yet. The adults in your life no doubt did their best to teach you some, but let’s give them some grace and say that their situation also did not lend well to learning and developing good coping mechanisms. Again, your previous attempts to go to them for help resulted in alcohol poisoning, mental experiments, emotion dome repressions, and being stabbed.” Dr. Mariah paused. “These are not the solutions of people who are all that emotionally healthy themselves. And if you want to ask yourself ‘why am I so much more dangerous in my reactions than them then’, I’d like you to recall: alcohol, experiments, dome, stabbing. Those were them dealing with their own stressful situation, in the form of the stress of trying to help you. None of those are actually that far off from ‘setting everything on fire’ as far as actual helpfulness.” 

For a moment, Lauriam just looked at Dr. Mariah. Something almost a little helpless in his searching gaze. They were doing their best, he wanted to argue. But she knew that, and wasn’t saying that they weren’t. They feel farther off, he wanted to pout, but she’d brought up points against that. It hadn’t ever been just Lauriam affected by those solutions, they’d been miserable and stressful for everyone involved, and Marluxia had been hurt in some of them too, even the ones that weren’t their family managing his freakouts.

We feel so broken and foreign in this world, and we don’t know anything else. All we’ve ever had is each other, and that always felt like the biggest miracle in the world. It had to. Our lives were in the factory and we all expected to die there, leaving everything we knew to the next batch of unfortunates who’d be captured until they died there and the cycle would repeat, but now that’s not true and we don’t know what to do or how to act and for every little bit of wonder and gratitude we have in being free there’s so much fear.

“...making more art will help?” he eventually asked, calling back to his ‘homework’.

Dr. Mariah smiled lightly. “It might. The truth often is that it’s little things that help us deal with the otherwise insurmountable. If you want to know if the ‘big’ solutions would help with your mental state, I’d recommend asking Maki Harukawa if her mental state feels more or less soothed, now that she’s won everything she ever wanted. If you want to know what would truly motivate you to break out of alarming habits, you should ask Prince Kokichi if learning he’s an all powerful Empath gave him the ability to control his emotions, or if it started with not wanting to frighten his newborn. If you want to know how to regain your sense of identity outside of the trauma of enslavement, ask Shuichi Saihara to show you his coat that makes him feel like a steampunk wizard.”

“I use these examples not just because they’re people you know, but they’re people I’ve watched for two years struggle with difficulties that you’d be surprised you have in common. In two more years, I would like to be able to use you and your family as examples to someone else, about people finding solutions through their own trials and errors, and being surprised upon reflection what did and did not work. Some of the things that will help you can not possibly guess at right now. They will be small, inconsequential things. And they will do wonders for you.” 

Dr. Mariah paused… before bowing her head lightly. “I swear it.”

Lauriam honestly didn’t know enough about how the medical system in Dicea worked to know if it was odd to use your other patients as examples, and Dr. Mariah’s confidence in doing so didn’t enlighten him at all. 

But. Well. Lauriam didn’t know Shuuichi well enough to note anything about him. But Prince Ouma was alarmingly humble for a demi-god, and seemed like the type of person to be emotionally swayed much more by the people around him than anything else. And he knew from Zexion and Ienzo that the Reaper was frighteningly depressed, though Lauriam had barely even seen her in passing in the castle. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t think other people didn’t have problems. But he supposed he just had to trust that the way they got through theirs might work for him too, despite their different circumstances. Because…

Lauriam’s eyes widened slightly at the swear, the gravity of the whole conversation suddenly feeling heavier. Enough that he had to take a deep breath, like adjusting to air after taking a deep dive. 

“...I mean, I am giving this an honest try,” he awkwardly assured after a moment, “I wasn’t not going to try your suggestions if they didn’t seem dangerous.”

“You don’t come from a culture that discusses therapy with any sort of regularity, and I do understand that recommending art projects and looking for ‘helpful distractions’ when you’re feeling upset are almost insultingly simple potential solutions for coping with a life such as yours.” Dr. Mariah said, “And I want to assure that if you are taking this seriously, you can trust that I am too. Figuring out what you need is likely going to be a long process of trial and error. As I’ve said… you have a lot going on. It’s difficult to know where to start.”

“But I don’t offer suggestions idly, and if they do not help, we will continue until something does,” Dr. Mariah explained, “I take my responsibility to you seriously, and will always do my best.”

She glanced at the clock on the wall, before saying, “While, when capable, keeping to regular hours. We can always extend, but therapy can be an exhausting process. It’s not always helpful to attempt to discuss everything within the same day.”

“Maybe, but one of the most powerful constructs I’ve ever seen is a sword that looks like a key,” Lauriam shrugged, “Weird things sometimes have massive impacts. And while my family set up our first appointment on my behalf, I didn’t outright refuse to talk to you. Nothing I’ve tried has ever worked to make me feel better or to stop hurting the people around me. So I may as well try things that don’t make a lot of sense.”

And he’d hope that anyone his family had allowed into his room while Lauriam was abjectly bedridden from an injury was someone he could both trust and would be taking his care seriously. He’d have a lot of concerns for Even and Aeleus if not.

Following her glance, Lauriam laughed softly. “I feel like we’ve covered a lot regardless. I already teared up twice and that’s more than I’d like for a day I feel pretty okay. And--”

Lauriam suddenly went quiet, his expression quickly forming an annoyed pout as he half-glared at Dr. Mariah.

“...yes, Marluxia?” Dr. Mariah asked, “How can I help you?”

“It’s the end of his appointment,” Marluxia said tersely, not much inflection in his voice. “He’s tired.”

“Yes? We were just wrapping up… Where is Lauriam now?” Dr. Mariah asked with a small frown.

Marluxia gave Dr. Mariah a slightly weirded out look. “Here?”

Dr. Mariah’s lips thinned lightly. “Please be excessively specific.”

Marluxia’s eyes narrowed at her, before Lauriam blinked, looking a little dazed. He frowned worriedly, almost idly rocking his knuckles into his wrist before he gave Dr. Mariah a sheepish look. “When we’re both paying attention to our body, it doesn’t really feel like a place, so ‘where’ is kind of a hard question,” he tried to explain. “But I guess it’d be the…most aware part of our head?”

“I see,” Dr. Mariah said, her expression cooling, “In the future, Marluxia, I would thank you to not interrupt therapy sessions, even if it is running late. Lauriam may need the extra time in the future, and it’s unkind to force him away from it.”

Lauriam was quiet for a few moments before he nodded slightly and gave Dr. Mariah another sheepish look. “That makes sense to us both, though if we do take extra time in the future, I would like a moment to tell my family. But I think today the normal scheduled time is enough.”

He kept rocking his knuckles soothingly.

“...are you comfortable leaving, Lauriam?” Dr. Mariah asked, glancing at his knuckles before refocusing on his face, “You seem concerned.”

“What?” Lauriam blinked in surprise, focusing more on Dr. Mariah at the question that felt out of nowhere. “Yeah? Yes.” He flushed lightly. “I-I mean it’s still a little daunting being out in the city, but I felt okay enough to come out today, and that’s the same sort of feeling going back. But I’m alright.”

He could feel Marluxia’s upset impatience rising, and knowing Marluxia was paying attention, it felt mean to say something like ‘uh, hey, when I said Marluxia had a rough time yesterday, that didn’t magically disappear today’. 

“...very well,” Dr. Mariah said, “I will see you at our next appointment then, Lauriam.”

Lauriam gave Dr. Mariah a tight, polite little smile as he got up and gave her a nod. Only not sprinting out of the office in respect for social norms. He hoped his walking companion wouldn’t mind picking up the pace a bit on the way back to the castle.

Axel had been looking up, frowning lightly at the sun with a small squint in his eyes, before glancing over at the approaching footsteps. “Oh, good, I am on time. I need to get a watch, for real. Was literally trying to judge the sun for a minute there, my vision’s spotting.”

“Soooo?” Axel asked, putting his hands into his pockets, “How’d therapy go?”

“Sor - Thanks, I hope you weren’t waiting long,” Lauriam corrected himself, “We were talking about potentially going a little longer, so that’s why I’m maybe a little late. Would’ve messaged you if we were actually going to, though.”

“Alright, I think,” Lauriam sighed. “You’d think being told you’re not a massive screw-up and demon straight from Bathul’s clutches would feel better, but it really doesn’t.” Lauriam paused for a moment, setting a brisk pace for them as they walked. “Um… Axel, can I run something by you? That I think I need to talk about with everyone.”

“Eh, it’s like someone telling you you’re not stupid over and over. Like, after a while, it’s like ‘yeah, I know I’m not stupid. Why are you so damn convinced I should think I am’?” Axel shrugged, sticking his pinky in his ear and cleaning out the wax again, “Kinda just loops back around to someone calling you stupid.”

“Eh? Sure, what’s up?” Axel asked, giving Lauriam a curious glance.

Lauriam gave Axel a dry look, his absolute amusement simply electrifying the air. “Wow,” he said with all the enthusiasm in the world, “Imagine hearing that you’re not stupid so often that it gets annoying.”

But he let go of a breath, just to take another. And one more for good measure to draw himself up. “...” One more. “I would like to not be knocked out when I’m freaking out anymore.”

“Hey man, some of us get way too much pointed reassurance from Even and Ienzo, some of us literally make an asshole to call us stupid every random hour of the day. We all have our burdens to bear.” Axel huffed, running his fingers through his hair… before he gave Lauriam a raised eyebrow. “...ehhhh? What, like when you’re attacking us? Or do you mean when you’re being a dick? Are people knocking you out when you’re being a dick? Mars, man, you gotta knock that shit off, this is why everyone gets mad at you.”

Marluxia growled lowly at Axel and flipped him off with both hands. “He is stupid and I’m not just gonna not say it when it’s relevant. And I don’t knock him out for no reason!! If you all want to deal with a hysterical lunatic yourselves, FINE! Go ahead, it’s less work for me! See how you like it!”

Lauriam let out a shaky breath from the outrage, wincing. But he clasped his hands nervously to plow ahead. “I…do mean when I’m violent. Or crying. Or trying to leave. I know that you guys do it for our protection, but I think that we have, or, um, can consider other options now.”

{What the hell did you even talk about in therapy???}

“Ehhhh… sure,” Axel said, something a touch wary in his tone as he put his hands behind his neck, leaning his head back into his palms as he walked, “I mean, I’ve never been strong enough to take you out when you go full Empath on us, so sure, it’s not like  I could anyway. But if my job isn’t to get the hell out of the way, what do you want me to do then?”

Lauriam gave Axel a nervous look. “...I’m not sure. Most of that conversation was, ‘knocking me out makes it so I can’t develop coping mechanisms and forces people into upsetting and stressful actions through violence’ and not…what to do instead. I guess it’d be for me to figure out things I can do instead of freaking out on everyone, but…”

Marluxia rolled his eyes. “Did you mention that you don’t just go from zero to homicidal maniac? La-La, you try to contain things, no one can say you don’t. What, she’s just telling you to try harder?”

Lauriam grew more visibly nervous, losing the plot on how he was supposed to proceed with the conversation. It was the exact reason he’d asked for advice on how to have it. He really just didn’t have any good justifications against any arguments his family would have to not change things up. “No. But…but maybe I could try longer before people jump to holding me down.”

“Mars, could you chill the hells out for five seconds man?” Axel said dryly, before tilting his head against his palm, “Do you actually want us to stop you when you’re trying to leave? Cause I’ll be honest, my instinct would be, if we’re not fighting you, to let you leave and just go calm down. Sometimes a guy just needs to take a walk.”

Lauriam gave him a tired look. “Then why does everyone try to stop me every time?”

“I dunno,” Axel shrugged, “We could ask them? Usually I’m just going with the group. But if you were one of the guys I grew up with? Like, back in my yakuza days? Guys lose their shit all the time, and it could get pretty dangerous if fights broke out. We used to encourage people to walk off until their heads cooled. And yeah, if people were really losing it and it was looking dangerous, sometimes things cooled off if the right guy landed the right punch across the face. But mostly? Walk away, cool off.”

“...but we’re literally Those Assholes in a city where having the right resting bitch face was a needed survival tactic just for walking around,” Axel shrugged again, “Maybe the others don’t let you leave because it doesn’t feel ‘nice’.”

“Maybe…” Lauriam sighed, lifting an arm to rub the back of his neck but pausing as he glanced his bruises. “I’ve never really resented being knocked out or anything. I wish that I didn’t have to be, of course, but…like, I get it. Sometimes I’m too much to deal with so it’s easier to just not.”

He frowned, putting his hands in his pockets to keep them away from his neck. “Dr. Mariah kept using really intense language for everything after I told her about it, though. Even if I always thought what the others do is the nice thing to do. Maybe what we consider ‘nice’ is weird, then.”

“Yeah, but that might be a ‘Dicean’ thing. Have you really talked to any of the locals yet? They’re kinda weird.” Axel frowned… before chuckling, “But also, none of us have annnyyyyyy room to talk. We were literally in a social bubble of less than twenty people for years. The most socializing we got outside of each other and the supervisors were the people we were literally torturing… what? Keep walking, we’re not talking to you.” 

Axel glared at the woman who had stopped from her window shopping to give him a weirded out look. She glared back, which was more than Axel was ready to deal with, so he sighed and placed his hand on Lauriam’s back, pushing him forward, “And we’re walking, we’re walking… god they’re weird. They’ve seriously got no sense of danger.”

“Both can be true, I guess,” Lauriam mused, his shoulders tensing but he gave the woman a polite smile while letting Axel shuffle him along. “I’m not exactly following strange noises in the night to have heart-to-hearts, but I have noticed that. Apparently there’s a lot of hidden work going on, or something, so maybe the average person just doesn’t have anything to be dangerous about.”

“Would explain how shocked people look when there actually is a fight,” Marluxia snorted. He then nudged Axel’s shoulder with his own. “Hey, speaking of our tiny social bubble--you been talking to Even and Aeleus about housing stuff too?”

“Um, yeah?” Axel said, running his fingers through his hair, fluffing out the long spikes a bit, before letting his arms fall, “...we talked about maybe me, Luis and Isa getting a place together? But neither of them are here and honestly I don’t know what kinda state either of them are going to be in when they are. I dunno if it can be just me and them, if things are… it’s looking more likely I’m gonna stay with Even and Aeleus for a bit. And when the others get back, I dunno, maybe we’ll just get a bigger place…”

“It’s been hard to think about getting my own place,” Axel finally admitted, “Especially since I want to stay with Isa. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea for us to be away from everyone else. Maybe a house next door or something… I’ve been hearing about duplex’s? That might be an option?”

Though the stress of the case kind of made Isa’s day a day-by-day guess, Lauriam supposed that was its own kind of regularity. Like what Xaldin had been talking about with Ienzo too. If they could just end the case and leave the capital peacefully, Lauriam had hope that that would spell good things, but ultimately Axel was right. They just wouldn’t know until they were all reunited. 

And for Luis?

Well, he’d said the rehab facility was nice, like, amenity-wise. So Marluxia guessed that was a positive.

“It’d be kinda weird to settle into a bigger place by yourself,” Marluxia shrugged before smirking, “Though you would get to decide on decorations all by yourself. Luis wouldn’t say shit, but Isa’d slowly replace everything bit by bit, sneak.”

Lauriam huffed a soft laugh at the image Marluxia conjured in their mind before he gave Axel an encouraging smile. “Having your own space but being close enough to holler seems like a good middle ground. I really hadn’t thought about it at all before we got here, but I’m kind of surprised at the number of bigger houses and buildings that come up for sale.”

“I think some of them are, like, specifically for groups like us in mind. Like a bunch of adults living with each other. That’s what Even said,” Axel frowned, “It would be nice to have somewhere settled for the others to come back to. And it’s not like Isa’s said he wouldn’t like his own place. And he’s been doing good down there! Demyx said Isa’s only had, like, three really bad days. That’s great! Considering everything? Him only fully regressing three different times seems really good!”

“But what if it’s only because everyone else is there helping him out, you know? If it’s just me, it might get worse. But I don’t know how to tell Isa that when he’s not even the one telling me he’s having full regression days at all. When I ask him how he is, he only tells me the positives. I think he’s worried I’m worried about him.” Axel huffed, rubbing his temples, “Shits hard.”

Lauriam smiled softly before rolling his eyes and nudging Axel’s shoulder more. “Of course he’s worried you’re worried--he likes you, dummy. It sucks when the people you like are stressed out, for one, and it’s horrendous to be the reason for it, even more when there’s a reason more than just general ‘I want them to be happy’.”

Marluxia scoffed. “It’s cute you think you’d be the only person keeping an eye out for Isa if you two moved in together. Just adorable. If La-La and I have to contend with making a million failsafe plans to ensure none of you dorks end up breaking down our door, you have to face the fact that you’ll always come home to one of us draped over whatever awful couch you pick out.”

“Also? Real cute you think you have the ability to make Isa worse, all on your own.” Marluxia stuck his tongue out as he cooed, “Weal Big Man out on the town now~”

“Yeah, yeah, stick it up your ass,” Axel huffed, reaching over to ruffle Marluxia’s hair, “You two are the ones trying to figure out how to literally ask us to try other stuff. And cringing into yourselves doing it. This is hard to talk about! You think it’s any easier on my side of it? I don’t want to insult Isa by saying I think he needs more help than I can give him by myself. It makes him sound like a burden, when that’s really not what I’m trying to say. I just don’t want to put us in a situation where, I dunno… he has a real bad dream and is suddenly barking naked down the street, and I don’t know anythings happening because I decided to hang out somewhere too late. Figuring this stuff out is hard!”

Lauriam pouted a bit--point taken--and tried to fix his hair as he sighed. “Sure, sure, but…it’s still not all on you to decide, you know? Isa wouldn’t want to go barking naked down the street, unless he’s suddenly gotten into some wild pastimes in NGP without any of the others commenting on it. As much as we know each others’ feelings, the person that knows what Isa’s bad days, and kind of rough days, and middling days, and all the rest are like best is Isa. So whatever system you guys set up, he’s going to be a major deciding power in it.”

“And you deciding to stay with Even and Aeleus, or getting a place next door, or even getting a place down the block isn’t going to be the thing to make or break it either,” Lauriam shrugged. “It’ll just be a different setting to make those decisions.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” Axel said, drawling the ‘true’ in a way that was likely something he picked up from Luis… before he glanced over at Lauriam, “So, like…if it’s not on me to decide how we’re handling Isa, then it’s not on me to decide how we’re handling you. Which means you gotta figure out what the hell you want from us then. No take-backs, you just made the rules.”

Lauriam glared dryly at Axel. “...should’ve left your butt on the kitchen floor.”

“I still have to bring it up to everyone,” he sighed, grimacing lightly at a gnarl he got his fingers caught in in his hair, “And I didn’t say it wasn’t on you, I said it wasn’t on you alone. It wouldn’t matter if I had the most detailed plan on the planet if I never brought it up to anyone, or they just disregarded it.”

Frowning, Lauriam finally brought his hands back down, hair fixed. “I just…have to figure out what to do. That’s probably more detailed than, ‘just leave me be’.”

Axel laughed at that, “Yeah, probably. How hard I worked after you got me up? I could have used the nap down there.”

“I dunno, maybe it is, but maybe sometimes it really is just ‘leave me be’.” Axel said, “And we just get the others on board that you’re not going to, like, disintegrate the second you leave our sight. Like, I know you have the seizures and stuff, but those seem to get worse the more we mess with you. Maybe having some space would let you chill out enough where it wouldn’t be an issue?” 

“That’s the hope.” Lauriam sighed a bit, closing his eyes for a moment and relying on listening to Axel’s footsteps to warn him of anything. “Like…my ability to ‘self-soothe’ is something I ‘need to develop’, all that. And apparently what I do for Mar--”

“Shut up,” Marluxia hissed, his cheeks flushing, before he started walking more quickly to the castle.

Axel rolled his eyes, but let Marluxia hurry off.

He had said he’d try it, after all.

-

Thump thump thump

Luis stared at the ceiling, his fingers tightly gripping his shirt. It was like clutching a moist towel, the sweat bleeding through the fabric and making his palms almost as damp at the sheet beneath him. He wanted to turn over, let the swamp forming around his back air out a bit, but the IV drip in his arm made him wary of moving onto either of his sides. He didn’t want to accidentally dislodge the needle in his arm. 

Thump thump thump

The doctors and nurses had all been very nice, so far. But Luis was still deeply, deeply wary of upsetting them. He was doing his best to be a good patient. But a few days in, and it was getting harder rather than easier. And he had been warned for the first week, week and a half, it’d continue to feel a lot harder still before it started to feel better. 

Thump thump thump thump thump thump

Luis had promised himself he’d handle this gracefully. He knew this was for his own good. He also knew the door to his room was locked from the outside. Luis had been told it’d stop being locked after the first week. That the first week was the biggest ‘fuck you, I quit’ moment. Luis had agreed. He was looking forward to getting to explore the rest of the facility more. A lot of the amenities had seemed nice. They had a sort of indoor tennis court thing which Luis had thought looked fun. They had a rec room and some sunny painting room. They had a pool! In some ways it had looked like a resort. Just full of oddly grumpy people.

Thump thump thump thump thump

Luis didn’t want to be one of the grumpy patients. He wanted the doctors and nurses to like him. He wanted the other patients to like him.

Thump thump thump thump thump

He also did sort of just want to quit. This had started feeling like a waste of time that day. Like he had made a mistake. What on earth was he doing in a rehab? When Ventus was out there needing rescuing? Aqua needed support? Ienzo was hurling his breakfast most mornings? Why had Luis agreed to come to a rehab? For his drinking? His drinking wasn’t that much of an issue. He sure felt a whole lot worse without it, tell you what…

Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump

He wanted to give up on this stupid shit. God, his hands were shaking, everything was shaking. Why on earth was he doing this to himself? He should tell the nurses and doctors he changed his mind. He was useless like this. His drinking wasn’t that bad. He wanted to support his family.

Thump thump thump Thump thump thump Thump thump thump

He didn’t want to be laid out useless on a medical bed. Who did that help?

Thump he thump thump wanted Thump thump a thumpthump drink thump thump

-

When Axel went to bed that night, it was with the thought in his head that they’d probably as a group have some sort of talk about the Lauriam situation. If Lauriam didn’t just straight up gather everyone around, Axel was planning to start a bit of a whisper campaign about it. Bringing it up with Aqua to start, letting Aqua do her thing with Xaldin and Luis, then those three slowly spreading the topic around until it became everyone just sorta ‘knowing’ that Lauriam wanted the knockout situation to change.

That was what he was expecting when he walked out his door into the island. But plans for the whisper campaign immediately took a backburner as Axel’s entire body cringed in disgust, waving his hands over his face as he tried to chase away whatever smell that was as he called, “Okay, who left the damn sauna door open!?”

“What?” Xion asked, blinking back at Axel in bewilderment, “We can’t leave the sauna open. It goes to your world.”

“I think he’s joking.” Roxas said, frowning as the two teens watched Axel approach their spot on the rock wall. “Watch your feet. There’s seaweed.”

“What do you mean there’s seaweed, what the hell is seaweed–gah!” Axel gasped as his foot landed into a puddle that he hadn’t noticed–one of many that seemed to be forming in dips in the sand, which Axel now noticed weren’t the usual firm but soft golden yellow pebbles it usually was, but had turned a more muddy color and were littered with sharp rocks and broken shells–and nearly slipped on the patches of seaweed that laid loosely among the muddy puddle water, “What is that!? Also what’s with the puddles? Are we sinking?”

“What, the entire island? I should think not.” Vexen frowned as he walked to the wall from the beach shore, his pale skin notably redding in the heat of the steaming mist, “Feels like an odd mix of a beach and a swamp, based on Even’s memories of doing a Test of Courage at the swampland. The humidity is atrocious. I thought I was done with uncomfortable temperatures once Even had control of the body again.”

ㅍ_ㅍ I did wonder if this was a possibility.

Zexion noted this as he held a hand over his face, plugging what was ostensibly his nose, even if it didn’t look like he even had one in his Chibi body.

ㅍ_ㅍ Though I did think that perhaps the overcast and mugginess the last few days would be it. Apparently not.

“Would’ve liked a heads up if you had an inkling of this, love,” Aqua lightly chided as she floated in the ocean. Keeping her legs safely away from the…stuff. That was waving in the water from the ocean floor. 

“You think beaches are actually like this, without the rose-tinted glasses?” Marluxia asked as he hopped from one seaweed patch to the next, popping the decaying bulbs as he went. “Dem-Dem’s buddy mentioned the dead fish smell before.”

“Uuuugh, the island over at Novis is not like this. This is, like… hostile!” Demyx whined, waving his hand in wincing pain from the wooden balcony up in the tree house, “Splinter! Splinter!! Button, help!”

“Oh my god, stooooop, I’m so embarrassed to be connected to you.” Larxene groaned, standing next to Demyx as he put his finger against his mouth, tearily trying to suck the splinter out, “Seriously, you’re a projection right now. Just ‘imagine’ the splinter is out.”

“I can’t! It’s the island doing it!” Demyx insisted, going back to sucking at the skin.

“Guys, what the fuck is happening out here!?” Xaldin called, his heavy footsteps squishing into the sinking, muddy sand as he squished squished squished down the beach, “Dilan said the islands acting fucky, and I’m so annoyed he was right. I told him he was being sensitive. Lauriam, Marluxia, this you guys!?”

Ienzo could only hum softly as he guided Demyx’s hand out from his mouth, conjuring a pair of tweezers to take out the splinter. It was one thing to affect the appearance of the island. Something natural that the pillars did just from how they supported it, he had to surmise from how it’d changed upon Kairi’s connection to the island. Something that, theoretically, the rest of them could do, but Ienzo had only ever really noticed it by the flowers Lauriam and Marluxia left, and, of course, the fire incident. 

But even then, with a burst of power so intense it nearly killed the Garden Duo, while no one had tested the fires themselves, it still hadn’t scorched the island, only sitting atop it. For an affectation to change the island’s appearance, functionally change parts, and be able to affect their individual projections…

“WHAT?! No, this isn’t us!!” 

As Marluxia whirled around to chew out Xaldin, Aeleus looked around for a moment. Before he called out, “Has anyone checked on Luis today?”

-

When Namine opened Luis’ door, she found an endless, shadowy void.

She stared down at the black pit beneath the frame of the door. To some of the others, it might have looked like Luis’ mind had shut off. Or perhaps his tether had weakened, pulling distance. But Namine could feel the illusion for what it was. Luis wanted to give the impression he was unreachable. But no one connected to the island ever truly was.

Namine ignored the endless void, and walked in Luis’ world.

She did not walk into the casino. The worlds was another thing that, due to the nature of the island, most of the others took far too literally as a thing. Their ‘worlds’ were just lobbies. One could not hold the whole of the mind on the island itself, which was just the physical manifestation of many strong, permanent overlapping tethers. Namine would not find what she needed just stopping at the end of Luis’ tether, at his lobby, and talking to his surface consciousness. Not when he was hiding from her.

Her. No one else. 

Only the witch could stop him from getting what he wanted.

Namine stepped around the many openings that would have led her to the casino. Luis’ mind trying to delay her, to trick her. And after a while the path through the void turned into an actual path. Namine stepping into a memory. Gentle wind carrying the scent of hay and pollen, distant laughter as a younger Luis told a story to his friends, ignoring the sheep that he was supposed to be watching. Namine knew it was some sort of tall-tale Luis was half inventing on the fly. She sometimes watched the others memories as teenagers, had learned some of their habits. It had made her feel less alone, on lonely days.

She ignored the memory of Luis, and kept walking. Looking for a recent memory. The surface memory.

She stepped into a rehab room. Luis was sitting up on his bed, looking desperate and haggard and a little terrified. At the door of his room was a doctor. She was holding the door open, like she had just walked in for something, but was stood stock still in the middle of that opening. Her eyes wide and bewildered. Like she wasn’t sure where she was.

The doctors gaze did not focus on Luis. She was not aware he was there. She was clearly not entirely aware of anything at all, other then her frozen confusion. Trapped in a moment of trying to remember why she had done something, unable to move past that thought.

Luis glanced over at Namine, briefly looking angry to see her… before his gaze fell to the floor. Shame-faced. “...I didn’t mean to… she just showed up…”

“I believe you,” Namine said. She did. Sometimes their powers were hard to control, when they were upset. Their minds just doing things on impulse, not feeling like a choice at all. “But you’re going to let her go. And I’m going to make her think she came to check on your IV.”

“I’m sorry, Namine… you shouldn’t be needing to do that for me… I’m really sorry…” Luis said, his eyes watering up as he placed his head in his hands, “I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay.” Namine said, “...the others are worried about you. You’re making the island kinda mucky.”

“Am I? Shit, I’m sorry for that too.” Luis murmured, rubbing his temple, “I’ll… I dunno. I feel really bad. I’ll do something.”

“Let’s do this first.” Namine said about the doctor.

Luis gave a shaky, regretful sigh. “Yeah…”

-

“We should check on him. I imagine one of us already has, since she’s not among us.” Isa said, looking to Kairi, who looked around before shrugging.

“Yeah, probably. Sorry, you know how Namine is. Just sorta does her own thing.” Kairi laughed sheepishly.

“Should we really all go? All of us suddenly showing up might be a lot.” Riku frowned.

( •̀ ◡ •́ ) LET’S SAVE THE WHOLE PARTY FOR STAGE TWO. 

Aqua gave Terra a soft smile. They and Xaldin had spent the night before Luis’ departure with him, not quite a last hurrah since Luis probably shouldn’t’ve gotten shitfaced the day before cutting himself off from alcohol entirely, but that same sort of feeling. Then, Aqua had checked up on him once he checked into the facility and they shot the shit about what it looked like and what the healers there were like.

Checking in with him once the symptoms really hit was just the next step, really. 

“Sounds good,” Aqua agreed, swimming to shore before she waved Xaldin in. “Alright, let’s go see our lad. And don’t worry if we’re not immediately jogging back with Luis to do our whole family meeting--we’ll keep everyone posted.”

Xaldin wrinkled his nose at the dirtier then normal water, before shrugging. “Fuck it.” 

He plugged his nose and jumped into the water with a splash.

“Good luck guys!” Sora said, manifesting his keyblade and waving it, “Let me know if you need me to stab Uncle Luis!”

o.o I don’t think Uncle Luis would enjoy being stabbed.

o.o

ouo perhaps it would reinforce his darkness.

“Yeah, maybe.” Riku agreed goodnaturedly, his Chibi-Nobody sitting on his shoulder.

As Aqua, Terra, and Xaldin approached Luis door--

Well. Uh. Huh.

None of them had the notion that talking to Luis would be easy. Or, at least that the conversation wouldn’t be light. For one, just the whole deal of him being in rehab was rough, but if he really was the one affecting the island, which it seemed like, then it meant he was likely in a bad way. 

But, uh…they hadn’t thought they’d hit a major roadblock right away. 

Aqua and Terra looked into the black void in front of them before exchanging an uneasy glance. 

“His door’s still here,” Aqua muttered after a moment. “And we’ve seen our worlds go dark. Maybe this is just…a bigger version of that.”

(｡=︿=｡) WE WOULD KNOW IF HE DISCONNECTED

Aqua took a shaky breath. “...yeah.”

Xaldin frowned, leaning in as he looked down at the void. That was a hell of a long fall…

“Luis! Fuck off with this man, we ain’t going away!” Xaldin shouted through the door. Glaring into the darkness before chuckling darkly as he rolled his sleeves up, “Alright, what do they say? The only way out is through? Time for another damn canon ball.”

◑.◑ Uncle Xaldin, you’re going to hurt your butt if you jump

“Eh? Eyyy, there’s the little witch.” Xaldin said, relaxing as he squatted down, peering at Chibi Namine, who was floating in the void… or, it kind of looked like she was floating… “What are you standing on?”

◑.◑ the ground

“Smart aleck.” Xaldin grumbled, reaching over to pat Namine’s staticy head before straightening up, “Alright, Luis is full of shit. We can walk on this.”

( •̀ ◡ •́ ) HEY MI-MIN. WON THE RACE TO LUIS ALREADY, HUH?

Terra bounced down from Aqua’s shoulder and, without hesitation, entered the void, just to give Namine a brief side squeeze. Seeing her here confirmed it, that she had, worried and feeling the pull of responsibility, immediately gone to confront Luis. With the reveal of just how powerful Luis really was, Terra had no idea what the gap between him and Namine and Kairi really was, but the fact that Namine had gone to him, and the island was still sickly?

It either meant that his daughter wasn’t comfortable obliterating Luis’ mind, and was coming to them for help on the slower method of comfort, or that she wasn’t able to. 

“Hey love,” Aqua greeted, following Terra and Xaldin in, relieved even if she saw how the others were standing, that she didn’t just sink into nothingness. “Do you think you could give us a hand navigating?”

◑.◑ sure. It’s not hard. We’re just going down.

“Ugh. It’s a decline. If I trip and roll down this thing, no one tell my boyfriends. They’ll never let me live it down.” Xaldin scowled, carefully shuffling his feet forward as Namine led them down a steady decline through the void, “You raised some real bullies, Aqua, Terra.”

Snickering, though she moved in careful little shuffles as well, Aqua said, “I like to call it passing on a sense of humor. Let’s be honest, we’d all look pretty silly tumbling down this thing, and everyone could use a laugh.”

ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ DON’T WORRY, XALDIN, MARS AND LAURIE WILL FIND PLENTY OF OTHER THINGS TO NEVER LET YOU LIVE DOWN. THOUGH THEY MIGHT LIKE THE EXCUSE TO PRACTICE HEALING--BEEN A BIT SINCE I’VE HEARD ABOUT THEM TRAINING IT.

Mostly because they were the ones that needed Empathetic healing these days. But that was beside the point.

The void didn’t become darker as they descended--it was hard for pure darkness to become any deeper--but as they left the threshold of the door, it did feel more surrounding. All encompassing. And it wasn’t like the darkness in Riku’s world that allowed visitors to become their own lights. For a moment, it was only Namine’s shifting, shadowy body that gave them any sense of grounding, before Aqua summoned a small, glowing orb of water to help. 

The ball of light revealed an unfortunate truth.

The black void wasn’t either of those things. Not with any light reflected on it. 

Pouring down the walls, and swirling beneath their feet, was a dark brown liquid. Shifting and moving, all heading downwards. Pouring into a cup that was never going to be filled.

“Thought I smelled rum.” Xaldin muttered, moving a little quicker now that he could see the ground. 

Eventually, like before, the ‘void’ started to fade off. At first it just seeming like the liquid was changing colors, but then turning bright and solid, the farmland forming around them. Xaldin couldn’t help but stop and giving the place an appreciative look. It actually wasn’t his first time seeing the farm–sharing memories had been a way of passing time in the factory, and Luis had no issues sharing his memories of the farm–but it was the first time Xaldin had ever ‘stepped’ into it. Because of how the island worked, sharing memories usually needing some workaround, like watching images moving on a book, or staring down at some sort of diorama. What he found really surprising was–

“Damn, sheep are way bigger than I thought they’d be.” Xaldin said, looking suitably impressed as a sheep nommed some grass nearby, “Kinda more scary looking too, not gonna lie.”

Even with the difficulties in seeing anything, Aqua and Terra still shared a worried look. 

Booze was just a fact of Luis’ mind, ever since they…well, since Aqua had met him. It was somewhat jarring to learn that it really hadn’t been until mere days before she had, because Luis had stumbled into their room nursing one of the biggest hangovers of all time, and had developed his alcohol construct in the blink of an eye. The casino didn’t stink of liquor, but there was a familiarity with it in all senses in Luis’ mind. There without being in your face. 

The entire world being made of it, giving the feeling of drowning in it? 

They needed to find their lad. 

( °ヮ° ) WHOA

ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ OKAY, LOOK, THOSE ONES EVEN HAVE HORNS! YOU CAN TOTALLY SEE WHY TERRA THOUGHT LUIS WAS JUST USING A DIFFERENT NAME FOR GOATS!

“We thought it was a good guess at the time,” Aqua chuckled, looking around with interest, before she smiled more softly at her daughter. “...he tried to throw you off with this, love? Does seem like a perfect place to explore.”

◑.◑

◑x◑

◑n◑ I like to talk to you guys when you’re my age, sometimes.

“What does that mean?” Xaldin asked.

“Oi!” a teenage boy, near Namine’s age, called out as he came from around what looked like some sort of farmhouse. Light blue, greenish eyes and light blond hair being the only real indication that this boy was the same Luis, half his size and with a baby-face as he gave the group a half curious, half nervous smile, “You lot lost? We’re well out of the way of anything, lest you’re on the way to the meadow, but there ain’t nothin’ much there.”

“Geeeez, Luis, look at you. You were cute before you drowned yourself in booze. Look at you! Haven’t started getting the belly, huh?” Xaldin snickered, tapping the startled boy’s stomach, “Eh, give it twenty years. Or however long it's been, hell if I kn–oh.”

The farm disappeared. Terra, Xaldin and Aqua stood in the rehab room. Sat on his bed, leaning back against the wall, Luis gave them an irritated, tired look. “Mates, now’s not  a good time to be jumping through my memories and poking me’s. My head is killing me already. You echo in here.”

Aqua kept her face in a small, quizzical smile, but there was a glimmer of worry in her eyes that betrayed her. 

Seven wasn’t the biggest social circle, she knew. And while there would always be weird feelings around it, they didn’t discourage the kids--or any of them, really--from mingling with the Indentured on the beach. With all that, Aqua had really hoped that none of her kids would be lonely. 

Maybe that hope was more in vain than she realized. But that was a conversation she could start later. 

Snickering a bit at the memory of the younger Luis, Terra enjoyed the brief moment, but that what it was. Brief. And as Luis finally pulled them into his surface consciousness, Terra gathered his energy to become full-sized as he knelt by Luis’ bed. 

“Sorry, Lui’ Boy,” Terra said more softly. “Hard not to come running after you on a rough day, though.”

As Terra set up their opening move, Aqua knelt by her daughter. “Namine, we’ve got things from here. I know you probably want to look after your uncle too, but let us have a shot at ‘im, ‘kay?”

◑.◑

The chibi gave a quick glance at the door.

◑.◑ this memory is current. Actively happening.

◑.◑ Just so you know mom.

And then she disappeared.

Luis sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. They were shaking. “I’m fine. You lot didn’t need to…” then, seeming to guess how he was coming across, he put his hands down and looked up with a grin. It was a testament to his abilities, that the grin almost looked charming, considering he was clearly sweating bullets, his hair matted to his forehead as he shivered, “I’m good! It’s good. I’m fine.”

“Oh, shit, see guys, he’s fine. Totally not barely holding it together.” Xaldin said, rolling his eyes as he crossed his arms, “Sorry Luis, the island told on you. You’re turning the place into a sweaty, gross-smelling swamp. I slipped in seaweed, man. It almost makes me miss the fires.”

“The island?” Luis let the grin drop uncertainly, brow furrowing, “I don’t, uh… do that anymore. Kairi and Namine do…”

Luis’ eyes glanced worriedly at the door, before immediately refocusing on them. Clearly trying not to be noticed looking at the door expectantly.

{Thanks, Nami}

“I dunno if you can help it, man,” Terra shrugged, “The girls might be influencing the day-to-day, making the aesthetics, but you still shoulder a lot of it. And even if we disregard that, we know that any of us can influence it if we’re goin’ through enough.”

Aqua noted Namine’s look at the door, and her warning, and Luis’ look at the door. 

“...Luis,” Aqua said after a moment, “Are they listening to you here? None of us are projecting, if you think we can talk like that without anyone getting weird ideas.”

There was a brief flash of shame across Luis’ face. Which he covered by wrapping his arms around himself, looking down at his knees. Clearly in debate with himself for a moment… before he closed his eyes.

“...I can uh…” he swallowed, opening his eyes and looking nervously at the door again, “...I can feel them…”

“Feel who? Could we not be cryptic here, man? You know I hate that shit.” Xaldin frowned, “Just tell us what has you so spooked. Is Aqua right, are you being watched?”

“No. No, I’m trying to be clear, I… I’m watching them.” Luis desperately tried to explain, looking tired. Nervous. “I can feel them. The healers, the doctors, the other patients. It’s easy, I can’t even help it. I keep trying to ignore them, to stop, but it’s like… it’s effortless… I can just…”

Luis frowned, putting out a shaky hand and miming the act of grabbing at something in the air, “Pull them in. Like it’s nothing.”

“It’s so hard not to.” He whispered, letting his hand fall, “I keep reaching out by accident. I just want out. I want out so bad. It’s the want that’s reaching out and grabbing them. Like I’m the world's shittiest specter…”

Understanding crossed Terra’s face and he reached forward, putting his hand over the one Luis flopped down and gently rubbing his wrist. “You did tell us that you initially started drinking to turn the volume down on your powers. You bein’ more sensitive probably goes hand in hand with getting sober, huh.”

He paused for a moment, before giving Luis a serious look, his mouth drawn in a grim frown. “...you really want out?”

Aqua looked at the back of Terra’s head with an expression that gave nothing away. Calm, placid water. Before the true depths of that smooth puddle were revealed in a piercing blue gaze. “You told us, Ienzo’s auntie told you, this is the time that you’d want to leave. That the center would be prepared for people wanting to leave, and they wouldn’t let you.”

She gave Luis a small, sharp grin. “I’ve broken into government facilities before, this little place would be a piece of cake.” The smile faded back into her worried, serious frown. “If you really want it.”

Terra tapped on Luis’ wrist. “You wanna look at the list you made again?”

Typically pragmatic, when Luis had broached the idea in the first place of going to rehab, among the talks of finding a place that wouldn’t be Hell on Earth, Aeleus had (strongly) suggested Luis make a list of all the reasons he wanted to get sober. Not entirely to make a solid argument to the group of why he’d willingly let himself be locked up somewhere--they couldn’t stop Luis from doing something like that, as much as they might like to--but also because they’d heard Valen’s warnings. In the midst of treatment, it wouldn’t seem worth it anymore. 

So Aeleus had thought that Luis’ own reasoning from outside the horrors might be a comfort within them.

Luis’ face briefly twisted. No. He did not want to look at the stupid list. He wanted out. He wanted a drin–

But the flash of anger left as soon as it rushed through him, Luis’ expression relaxing as he nodded warily, “Yeah…”

“Here, I’ve got’tchya.” Xaldin said, clapping his hands together and when he spread them apart, a paper forming between them which he caught out of the air, clearing his throat dramatically, “Luis’ list of damn good reasons to stop poisoning himself to death. Reason number one, offered as a suggestion by yours truly: to stop poisoning yourself to death.”

Luis cracked a still wary smile, as he moved his hand to take Terra’s, reaching lightly for Aqua’s even as he felt silly doing so. His grip in theirs at first limp, but then tightening as Xaldin said, “Reason number two as provided by our wise Aqua here: the kids need their damn uncle back. The one that’s not going to make them do pushups like Aeleus, or experiment on them like Even and Vexen, or go on dangerous vengeance sprees, or gonna make sudden new adults, or isn’t at risk of suddenly inexplicably dating one of them–”

“Come on Xaldin, be a little nicer to yourself then that.” Luis winced.

“Hush, it’s a dumb situation, I’m allowed to make fun of myself. Also allowed to make fun of everyone else, don’t test me.” Xaldin said, before pausing, “But it’s also kinda true. Out of all of us? You’re the consistently safe and sane one and always have been. But you’re always at your worst when you’re drinking. It’s the only time the kids can’t trust ya.”

“Yeah… yeah…” Luis murmured.

Aqua didn’t hesitate in the slightest before sitting down on Luis’ bed next to him and taking his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Maybe it was too characteristic of her to jump right into ideas of busting Luis out of the joint (as if he wasn’t entirely capable of doing it himself. But she did think her method was one that wouldn’t make Luis hate himself again), but she hated this. Not Luis trying to be sober, or seeking professional help, in some ways she considered those acts of bravery stronger than anything she’d ever done. But she hated that Luis was in a big compound building with people in charge of everything he did and locked behind doors. She hated it so much it felt like her skin was covered in nettles and she just wanted to punch and shoulder her way past walls and security to get them all off.

But there was a reason Luis was there. Had chosen to be there. And it wasn’t how he’d ‘chosen’ to go to the factory. And unfortunately for the both of them, that meant Aqua couldn’t rain fire down on everyone in the direct A to B line between her and Luis. 

Terra quirked a smile at the addendums of reason two, Xaldin entirely right to make fun of all of them. They all tried to do right by the kids, of course, but they were all only human. And Nobodies were included in that. 

“As very pointed as all those reasons are,” he nodded with sage agreement, “because Uncle Luis is a mega fan-favorite and I groan in jealousy every time the rankings come in… I do like reason three a lot too. Fitting since it’s yours, man.”

“Reason number three, just… want to stop aching all the time,” Luis frowned, “But it sure doesn’t feel like that’s what this is leading to right now… this hurts really bad, lads… I haven’t been able to keep anything down since yesterday, my head hurts, I feel swollen. I’m sweat’n like a pig and I’m thirsty but somehow I still feel like I’m bursting with water right under the skin. It’s real bad…”

“That explains the puddles and mist forming on the island.” Xaldin frowned, before leaning forward like he was going to sit on the bed.

But instead, he briefly seemed to disappear, and instead Luis gave a small, startled laugh when the teddy bear looked up at him from his lap, “Aw, mate, it’s kinda hard to take you seriously–”

ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ shut up, the bear speaks

ʕ•͡ω•ʔ you’re going to feel better. At some point.

ʕ•͡ω•ʔ I know it’s bullshit to say ‘tough it up’. That you have to go through worse pain if you want the old pain to stop. For all the pain to stop eventually.

 ʕ•͡m•ʔ we’ve all told that to an Indentured, and we all know all that is is a threat dressed up like advise

ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ But Luis, this time it’s true, and it’s important

ʕ•͡ω•ʔ the drinking in the real world is killing you man. It’s really killing you.

ʕ•͡ω•ʔ So I need you to deal with this. I need it, Luis. Your lame country-bumkin, gambling-addicted, wannabee pretty-boy ass is my best friend and I don’t want to face any of this shit in Dicea without you.

ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ so toughen the fuck up and do this shitty thing and it’ll feel better later

 ʕง•ᴥ•ʔง Or else

“Suuuuuuch a way with words… also, I am not addicted to gambling anymore. I haven’t been gambling once since we got out, I want credit where it’s due,” Luis smirked–it was shaky, but it was there–as he briefly let go of Terra’s hand to pat Xaldin’s head, who bore this valiantly, before Luis rested his hand back alongside Terra’s again with a sigh, “...Aqua, you’d really come get me if it was too much? You’d get me out of here?”

Terra and Aqua gave Xaldin a fond look as he took it upon himself for Teddy Bear Advice time. It wasn’t exactly something to soften the blow of his words--they were harsh as reality itself. Something that they all knew, Luis knew, but was so much harder facing in the moment than it was to conceptualize. And Xaldin saying it with all of his power, in the form that gave him as much as he had, meant a lot. 

Still, Terra scoffed softly, nudging Luis’ shoulder. “Sure, you haven’t been out to a den or anything, but there’s a reason all the kids make bets with you when they want something. I know this is for your health and all that, but I think they’d be a little disappointed if you don’t come out with a new card trick.”

“No hesitation,” Aqua answered, entirely serious to balance Terra’s jokes. “You say the word and either people comply, or there’s gonna be a lot of structural damage and hospital bills in that rehab’s future. Only reason you’re in there at all is because you want to be--no one’s keeping our Luis prisoner again.”

Luis let out a shaky breath… before relaxing a little, “I can at least hold onto that thought when the want grabs some other poor person and brings them in here. It’s happened twice now. Our little Namine caught the second one, and I managed to let go in time the first one. I can’t believe how easy it is. The first time I did it, all that time ago, poor Annabelle and I were in a terrible fight, I was so damn heated under the collar. And it felt like I could barely control it, couldn’t even recognize exactly what was happening.”

“But now? It feels obvious. I can feel the piece of me that’s dampening their minds. Pulling at them like puppet strings. I can even feel how conscious they are through it. They don’t entirely realize they’re not making their own choices, when it happens. It feels normal in the moment, and afterwards all they can think is that they must have been confused. And I turned off that ability for Annabelle to reason entirely, back then…” Luis closed his eyes, shivering, “It’s an abusive power to have. In some ways? It’s almost reassuring, to see I was right to have been so damn afraid of it, the first time it happened. This feels like even more control over a person than conditioning. At least conditioning takes time. This is just instant…”

ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ Yeah yeah you’re very strong, brag some more about it

ʕ•͡ω•ʔ it’ll be a kickass power to have around if anyone ever tries to attack us again

ʕ•͡ω•ʔ maybe step in if anyone starts to eat my garden duo again

“...I guess that’s true.” Luis admitted, frowning a bit, “That could be helpful, if I knew how to actually control it.”

ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ damn right

Aqua cradled Luis’ hand with both of hers, giving it a squeeze. “It’s like those comics the kids are eating up these days--’With great power comes great responsibility’.”

Terra smirked, interjecting, “And basically what the prof’s been telling us for enough years Ze’ and ‘Zo repeat it too.”

“Right,” Aqua snorted, “But our smart-alecks have a point. Power is destructive and dangerous and cruel, but also protective and wonderful and gives the ability and opportunity for change. You know Namine, Kairi, Zexion, and Marluxia have been practicing their abilities together for weeks, right? ‘Cause it’s better to know precisely how to use the uncontrollable, explosive, dangerous power to have than not.”

Terra sighed softly. “Laurie and Mars are actually pretty good examples. And again for knowing what good just saying ‘have better control’ is. That shit doesn’t happen overnight, the work sucks, and you’re left with a lot of uncertainty that’s scary as shit.” He patted Luis’ hand. “But from what the boys manage when it counts, they’re better healers than Aqua and I’ve ever managed. And you being able to straight-up hijack someone’s mind might save a life someday. It ain’t all bad, man.”

“The kids are gonna have us all beat, if they haven’t already. Though… ‘s a bit odd to think that me dampening my abilities was what was letting our Namine and Kairi influence the island so much… I like the way the lass’s do it, I’d rather…nngh,” Luis started to look a little pale, clutching his stomach, “...mates, I really appreciate you all came. But I’m starting to feel ill again, and you all don’t need to be around to watch me hurl for a while. I feel better anyway now. Calmer.”

Wasn’t that true. It was always the hope your kids would be better than you, but sometimes it was a little astounding how that came to be in how psychically powerful the whole batch were. 

“Sure,” Aqua said and though it didn’t come through in her voice, she looked a little hesitant. “Though, speaking of it… You think some healing would do you any good? Or more like a bandaid on a stab wound?”

“I suppose I wouldn’t say no to some,” Luis smiled shakily, his eyes dimming a bit. Their visit had clearly given him a second wind, but now that it was fading, his exhaustion was obvious. “I’d be a fool to turn down even a bandaid at this point.”

Pushing herself up from the bed with a grin, Aqua leaned in to smack a kiss on the top of Luis’ head. “Get ready for some rain, boyo. And try to rest, Luis--we’ll check in again soon.”

“Hang in there, man,” Terra gently cheered, giving Luis a squeeze around the shoulders as he got up as well. “And we’re only ever a thought away.”

ʕ•͡ω•ʔ Tell me if any of the kids come snoopin, I’ll chase ‘em off

ʕ•͡ω•ʔ And yeah. Just call out next time the ‘wanting’ is getting bad. You’re better than that, you know you are. You just need some company.

“Okay,” Luis sighed, laying down on the bed as he watched the three get up. Closing his eyes as cooling drops started to pat down on his overheating body, “...thanks f’er coming to check on me. Can always count on you three.”

ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ Damn right.

“What are friends for?”

-

Shuichi had, one random Saturday morning, woken up with a sudden determination. He had gotten dressed in one of his nicer outfits, had put Miyako into an openly staring and keenly hopeful Kaito’s arms, and had deflated Kaito a bit when he said, “I’m taking Kokichi out. Watch Miyako today.”

Kaito had had Miyako wave off her fathers– “Can we say ‘bye bye’ daddy? Bye bye dada?” “BAB!” “Well, that’s pretty close.”--and Shuichi had smiled a little more shyly at Kokichi once they were out and said, “I thought we could go and get some supplies from the market, and then go and have lunch in the park. A picnic.” 

Kokichi was all starry eyes. 

And after quickly changing his clothes into something with some thought put into it, rather than lazy Saturday whatever’s-next-in-the-closet clothes, it was clear his answer was, “Absolutely! Aw, Shuu-chan, this is gonna be so much fun!”

Lacing his fingers with Shuuichi’s, and while limiting himself from skipping ahead to keep doing that, he did excitedly swing their joined hands lightly, Kokichi asked, “What sort of food are you thinking? I know I definitely wanna scope out what looks good from the first pick of the fruit stands, and we could get some fresh bread too, but there’s a lot we could choose from beyond that.”

“I mean, we have to have pastries as well. That’s a given.” Shuichi said immediately, no room for argument in the statement, before smiling lightly, “Maybe grab a jar of lemonade? Kaito would probably argue we need some actual protein though. Are you up to seafood today? Maybe that won’t keep well though…”

It was a beautiful day for a picnic, and when they got to the park it was pretty clear right away that they weren’t the only ones who had thought so. The area was busy, filled with couples and laughing children, exercisers and pet walkers. 

As usual, they got a few double glances and eager hellos from people who recognized their Prince Kokichi. But maybe somewhat surprisingly, no one came up today. Perhaps Shuichi and Kokichi’s newly bought and filled picnic basket, along with the pretty new blanket Kokichi held rolled up in his arms, a clear enough sign that the two were doing something just for them that day, as Kokichi rolled out the blanket in a nice shady spot while Shuichi put down the basket. “Sorry, it’s busier here than I thought it’d be…”

Maybe it was the picnic supplies, a certain air about the couple…but Kokichi still glanced over his shoulder a few times, half expecting to see Nazumi holding a sign saying ‘They’re on a date! DNI!!’ 

As it was, she just gave him an amused glance on the second time. 

“Isn’t it great?” Kokichi cheered, deciding to be a little obtuse to Shuuichi’s apology. “It’s fantastic weather, it’s a weekend--people are taking full advantage! And that means peak people-watching~” He gave his husband a wink. “Though, I know who’ll draw my eye the most.”

Plopping down with a horsey giggle, Kokichi helped his husband unpack their newly acquired food. “Really, though, thanks for taking me out, Shuu-chan. This is lovely.”

Shuichi pinked lightly, put at ease by Kokichi’s enthusiasm. He sat down on the neatly spread out blanket, placing out the little wrapped bowls and bags they had placed in the basket, already eyeing the fruits as his first picks. Dicean fruits weren’t as big ingredients in meals in Dicea as they were in Luminary, but Shuichi had decided one of the reasons for this was that Dicean fruit was better whole and eaten immediately, than preserved and chopped for ingredients like it needed to be in Luminary in order to not let the imports spoil before they could be used.

Just more cultural examples of need breeding innovation. But it all stemmed from the same point either way: fruit was delicious, and it was nice to have some on-hand, as Shuichi bit into a plum that spilled over his cheek. Taking out his handkerchief, he dabbed his face with it, before smiling lightly, “I wanted to do something nice, ever since we talked about it in therapy. Me following through on wanting to be a better partner to you both. But even more than that… you’ve been stressed, lately.”

Kokichi eagerly snagged a fig from the collection they’d gotten from the fruit stands. They hadn’t gone out first thing in the morning--Kokichi would be a little more concerned than excited if Shuuichi had woken up early on a weekend to take him out--but it still looked like they had a good pick of the bunch and the couple had let their greedy eyes choose their picnic fare. Scraping some of the innards with his teeth, Kokchi gave Shuuichi a mildly sheepish look. 

“Well, I’m always happy to have some husband spoiling…though I hope I haven’t been worrying you too much. Like we talked about, you don’t exactly need an excuse to have an idea like this, but…” Kokichi let out a small sigh and offered a softer smile. “I mean, it’s nothing new, from what we’ve already talked about.”

“There are things I’ve been able to do,” and, oh, Kokichi was showing so much restraint in not getting into work-talk during his date with Shuuichi, “but I’m just… It’s not like timed pressure. Things don’t have to get rolling now for them to matter, or for people to not suffer extreme pain and strife. Dicea’s been like this for centuries now.”

Centuries of the magic communities having to go into hiding, keeping their identities a secret. Only decades of them being able to be as public as they currently were. 

“I just…feel like we’re on the cusp of being able to take another step. And I just need to find a good way to do it…” After a pause, he gave Shuuichi a playful smile. “So, just the little stress of mass social change, no biggie.”

“No biggie,” Shuichi echoed with a lightly amused smile, before he leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Kokichi’s cheek, “I’m certain you can do it. But you’re correct: it’s not something that has to be done immediately. You’re not king yet. I hope you’re giving yourself some leeway there. It’s not all on your shoulders quite yet… and Kaito would say it’s never entirely on you even then. When he’s not being an absolute brat to you about things.”

Shuichi huffed a little at that, shaking his head a bit. Kaito and Kokichi seemed to have gotten passed the argument at some point, but Shuichi was still a little offended on Kokichi’s behalf. Honestly, Kaito… “Pass me the sausage?”

“It’s noooooooot,” Kokichi laughed, passing over the smoked links that had smelled too delicious to pass up. “Social change takes a society--it’s never up to one person, or even a handful. Kai-chan’s right~”

“And he wasn’t wrong about where his feelings were coming from, even if what he was asking was a little much. Honestly, we’re on the same page there--we offered sanctuary to people, and they got hurt despite those assurances. He’s mad, he wants to do something about it. I do too.” Kokichi smiled tiredly. “Unfortunately banishment just isn’t a functional solution. I heard those four are decisively out of the hospital now, which is a relief.”

“That’s good to hear. Though, really, what do you think about that ‘enfusing emotions onto food’ plan Kaito was telling us about?” Shuichi asked, carefully and methodically cutting the sausage into small pieces before eating it one piece at a time, “That the Lauriam and Marluxia boys are planning… ‘boys’. Kaito’s getting in my head.” Shuichi rolled his eyes. Kaito talked about them like they were more teenagers teetering on the brink, but Shuichi thought they were likely the same age as himself, if not older, “It feels like such a simple solution, certainly someone’s thought of it before? Unless perhaps no one’s attempted to cook with negative emotions specifically, I suppose.”

Taking one of the sausages himself, Kokichi rolled it up in one of the flatbreads they’d gotten, the browned spots creating delicate puffs in the dough. Snickering a bit at Shuuichi’s borrowed phrase, he shrugged. “It kind of goes against common thought, doesn’t it. Kai-chan was right, ‘cook with love’ is the phrase everyone uses, so if anything people might not have even been able to help but cook with positive emotions. I think it feels like massage, like you’d ‘spoil’ the taste if you cooked while upset.”

“...but if they can get it consistently working?” Kokichi smiled softly. A small beam of hope tentatively unfurling its wings. “That’d be incredible. An entire sector of needs able to be met before upheaving the whole system. I don’t know those two well, I can’t really speak on how it’d feel for them to provide for a group that hurt them so badly…but they do seem determined to do it. Honestly once they’re settled more, I’d like to talk to them about the process and do some recruiting so they’re not shouldering an entire community.”

Munching for a moment, Kokichi sent Shuuichi an impish look. “And if Kai-chan’s rubbing off on you, Shuu-chan’s rubbing off on me. I caught a look at their medical papers in the hospital--they’re 26, so somewhere around six months older than you, and a year older than Kai-chan. But age doesn’t exempt anyone from Kai-chan-fussing.”

“Such a snoop.” Shuichi smirked lightly, taking a sip from his cup of lemonade after pouring Kokichi some from the jar they had gotten, “Have you talked to Maki much since the, well… ‘incident’? I’ve asked her about it, she says you two are fine, that she doesn’t think you were responsible for anything. But I also know she’s withdrawing a bit right now. She and Kaito had been… off lately. Odd. I was wondering if you’ve noticed the same thing for you and her.”

“Not really about it,” Kokichi admitted, sighing softly as his shoulders dropped. “Honestly I was ready for her to be way madder at me. I still stand behind why I didn’t tell her earlier, but…it was something really huge I was keeping from her. Even if she would agree with me not telling her right away, and I dunno if she would, that’s still something worth being mad about.”

For a moment, Kokichi just looked down as he ate before he mustered words again. “I still stand by how I felt when it happened, too, though. Maki-chan’s my dear friend, and she always has a home with me. And regardless of the weights we’ll pick up in life, I hope that we’ll both be able to set at least some of them down in that home.”

“She probably just needs time. Maki always comes around eventually. Well, unless there’s some sort of ‘action’ she thinks she can take. Then she’s as stubborn and unmovable as stone.” Shuichi sighed, “But I don’t think there’s a real action you can take in this situation other than eventual acceptance. She can’t undo it. And the effects of the famine and the banishment are already more or less under control. She could perhaps go kill Byakuya just to prove a point, but I don’t think she would. If just entirely because he has a son relying on him. She’s always been kind to children. When she can be.”

“I’m sure you two will talk it out eventually,” Shuichi said, grabbing another plum. They were good, Shuichi was starting to think they might be his new favorite fruit, “You know who I feel a bit bad for? Elia. She likely has no idea what’s going on. And Maki and Kaito’s version of fighting just looks exactly the same to their version of love. It has that same obsessive, focused tendency… and nothing else, or I’ll chop them both to pieces.” Shuichi darkly promised, chewing as menacingly as he could on his plum, “But I have to imagine Elia feels a bit lost, with Maki feuding with Kaito right now.”

Kokichi nodded in agreement. All they could do now was just live with what happened. Which, particularly for Maki, was one of the harder things to do. She was no stranger to living with tragedy, living with things that you couldn’t take back…but it felt emotionally dishonest to compare the active endangering of thousands of people, particularly those already vulnerable, to murders done unwillingly or attempts to salvage what you could from an awful situation. The lives of the people of NGP was something Maki had to carry with her now, and to not acknowledge how monumentally awful that was was to entirely dismiss her pain. 

But even that didn’t make Maki a monster, in Kokichi’s eyes. And he had never known her to be someone that acted out of hate. 

(Killing Byakuya might be cathartic. But by this point, it wasn’t justice. And leaving a child without a bumbling, emotionally distant father was still more cruel than Maki ever chose to act without something bigger at stake.)

Sipping from his lemonade, Kokichi sighed. “I know she’s come by the castle and it’s not like she hasn’t noticed the tension. As Maki-chan’s friend, it makes me happy that her girlfriend is staying by her side and trying to cheer her up! But it really sucks seeing someone you love struggling, and especially in a way or for reasons you have no clue about.” Kokichi shared a commiserating grimace with Shuuichi. “But Maki-chan hasn’t even told her about her job in Luminary. I can’t fathom how far explaining all this to Elia is in her head.”

Shuichi sighed, shaking his head, “I keep telling her to bring it up. I don’t think Elia is that easy to scare off, I think she’d understand. I wouldn’t even be surprised by this point if Elia has already guessed. Maki’s not exactly ‘subtle’ with the way she uses weapons. I think Maki likes to pretend none of that happened, when she’s with Elia. That she’s ‘normal’.”

“But we all have secrets. I bet Elia has a few of her own… I promised Maki I wouldn’t investigate her.” Shuichi ate some of his plum. “...I only investigated her a little. Basically to prove she had given Maki her real name and was actually a part of that family. I restrained myself.”

“I can understand the appeal for her. Maybe not exactly being ‘normal’, but feeling like she has less baggage. Around someone that doesn’t know your entire history, you can be anyone, and sometimes that can feel really freeing.” But, at the end of the day, you weren’t anyone but yourself. And like Shuuichi had noted, Maki wasn’t subtle and she wasn’t putting on any masks or performances around Elia. So, as they had pointed out around the new year as they commiserated around the bathtub, the person that Elia loved in her relationship was Maki. And that was true and informed even without knowing her history. 

And it’d still be true after knowing it, Kokichi believed.

“Aww,” Kokichi gushed, leaning over to kiss a plum-juice dappled corner of Shuuichi’s mouth, “You really did! Shuu-chan just did his due diligence and Maki-chan should expect no less.”

Snickering delightedly as he licked his lips, Kokichi gave Shuuichi a grin. “You think Elia’s gonna invite Maki-chan to see the sophomores’ year project presentations? The way Maki-chan’s described the Di Carmelo family dinners she’s gone to, they do seem the type for most to go cheer on one of their own. And I think even if they’re still fighting, maybe even more if they are, Kai-chan might needle her into going if he hears Elia mention it, since he’d love an excuse to go see Arven’s presentation.”

Shuichi watched Kokichi lick the juice off his lips after that little kiss…and turned a warm, burning pink. Almost struggling to hear Kokichi’s question at all, before his brain caught up with him and he stammered a little, “I-I imagine so. I know Kaito’s been asking about it during the PTA meetings. For someone who gets borderline twitchy when he talks to teenagers now, he sure seems eager to keep meddling. But then, I guess that’s always been Kaito’s way. He’s not good at leadership, but focusing on a handful of people and being determined to ensure they can meet their goals? Those teens are just more ‘sidekicks’ in everything but name… to my endless displeasure.” Shuichi said dryly.

…he then gave Kokichi a sheepish, shy smile, “I know we’ve been discussing mostly gossip since we got here. I hope you’re enjoying the date anyway.”

Just because there were a lot of regrets and hurt wrapped up in Kaito’s time with the teens, none of that meant he didn’t care about them. Kind of the opposite in some ways. Kaito might not be in the graduation crowd in a couple years (though Kokichi wouldn’t bet on that), but for something like a big presentation coming up soon? There was no way he’d miss it. 

Much to the teens’ dismay, as any of them would feel for anyone coming to the presentations. 

Snickering, Kokichi gave Shuuichi a wink. “We can’t stop Kai-chan’s nature, honey. He’s too powerful in wanting to help people. And getting used to teen idiosyncrasies now will only help us when Tim gets there in a few years, and Miya-Miya after him.”

“And I am!” Kokichi chirped, popping a bon-bon they’d gotten from the pastry shop in his mouth. “A beautiful sunny day, eating great food and chattin’ with my Shuu-chan? Couldn’t tell you anything more perfect. We might have less action behind it, but I love conspiring with you~”

“Timothy and Miyako will be a much more acceptable brand of teenager, as was I,” Shuichi said, turning his nose up a bit… “If one doesn’t count the drugs. And the many, many ways I broke the law and almost got myself executed. And that one time I committed treason for a girl. I was an entirely respectable teenager.”

Shuichi smiled warmly at the way Kokichi said that. ‘Conspiring’ with him. It made Shuichi feel warm. “Good. Again, I just saw you were stressed and wanted to spend some time with you. Thanks for coming out with me today.”

“We can only hope,” Kokichi laughed, “Though, I think the teen years might be missing a little something if you’re not a bit of a menace. Tim can get one pass of being missing in the middle of the night while he and the girls find nothing wrong with a quick mountain hike, and Miya can get a pass of making a crowd think she’s invisible. Our secret, though, since we have to put up parent appearances.”

Kokichi smiled brightly at Shuuichi and shuffled over to snuggle against his side. “Thanks for inviting me! I do think I needed something like this, on top of always loving Shuu-chan time. I hope you’re enjoying it as much as I am.”

Sticking his tongue out with a wink, Kokichi amended, “Though it’s okay if you say it’ll be better in a second when you dig into our dessert.”

Shuichi leaned into Kokichi, “As soon as I’m done with the plums… it’s absolutely bon-bon time, yes.” 

But Shuichi didn’t grab another plum or a bon-bon either. He just kissed Kokichi instead.

-

It was so fucking stupid.

Gula didn’t even celebrate Saints’ Days! Not anymore! He barely had before, just showing up as expected to temple and going through the motions, wishing that he was anywhere else. Preferably up on some crags and pathfinding. And once he was arrested… Sure he knew most of the Saints’ Days by heart, just from repetition, so he knew when they came up, but what was he supposed to do, huh?! Say, ‘Happy Sarah-Mei Day’ to blank and uncomprehending stares of exhaustion and fear, in a place without even an iota of mercy? And as they traveled across the country, he kept that pattern up, barely even noting the days to himself. 

And what did it even matter? If Atua truly didn’t interfere--and he certainly didn’t in Gula’s damn life, or anyone he knew--and didn’t give a shit about worship and didn’t care about the veneration of his saints, then…why? What was even the point? 

And Gula thought it was all bullshit anyway. 

…and for another thing, Prince Kaito had his own fucking shrine!!!! A personal shrine for the royal family, even if the guy didn’t seem to mind much if other people went in, but a place just for him that was sublime radiance in itself. So why would Kaito even think about going to the city temple--which Gula had scoped out despite himself, and fuck it was so beautiful and cozy in a way that his temple back home had never felt like--to celebrate a holiday?! He was a prince!

So why the fuck was Gula hesitating by the fifth floor staircase, even thinking about going up to ask Prince Kaito if he’d be celebrating Saint Gula’s day today?

This was BULL. SHIT.

Today was a very important day, Kaito had decided.

Oh, sure! He had forgotten today was coming at all until, like, two days ago. Because that was because Kaito could be a bit of a space-case sometimes. But once he had remembered? Damn right he was celebrating Saint Gula’s day. He owed a lot to her! Or, well, he owed a lot to the concept of medicine and healing. Honestly, by all rights he should have an effigy of her somewhere in his shrine, and he should be kissing it’s feet every damn day.

Kokichi and Shuichi both lived, because of healers and medicine. Kaito owed Saint Gula his worship and thanks. He felt a little guilty that he had missed her day last year, when he had worshipped on Meridan, Sarah-Mei’s, and of course Madison’s days dutifully. He could be real self-centered sometimes.

Kaito had only pouted a little, when he couldn’t convince any of his family to come to temple with him that day. Shuichi and Maki didn’t want to, Kokichi was busy with work, and Tim was going out with the girls that day. Well, the girls and Mike. Eh, there was more girls then guys, Kaito could still just round it up a ‘the girls’.

But as Kaito headed out of his families wing in a humble, simple laced up white shirt and nice pair of pants–only his fourth outfit attempt that morning, which was pretty good for An Event–he kept thinking that he was forgetting someone. Priestess Selka was going off ahead, Shin and the rest of his party hadn’t been interested in attending, who was Kaito—-

“Oh!” Kaito grinned brightly when he spotted Gula, smacking his forehead, “I’m an idiot! Duh!”

Deep in the warring battle of his mind--the classic teen conundrum of ‘I don’t give a shit’ and ‘I actually deeply give a shit’--Gula startled as Prince Kaito suddenly appeared. Saying…a lot of nonsense. 

Silence falling between them for a moment, Gula raised an eyebrow. “Any elaboration on that point, or just felt like insulting yourself?” Another pause before Gula glanced around uncomfortably, trying to tame his voice into total nonchalant-ness. “...uh, so, hey. I was wondering--just looked at the calendar, popped in my mind, and since you said you worship, it came up. Uh…are you gonna–”

“Yep!’ Kaito said cheerfully, putting his hand on Gula’s back, turning him back around towards the stairs, and then steering him down towards it, “Come on! Let’s go!”

Somehow both clumsy and graceful and Gula quickly got his feet pointed in the right direction to take him down the stairs, he gave Kaito a startled look. “Wha-- I-I mean - Let’s go? You, uh, you’re not going to your shrine today?”

“Nah, the local temple does special worships during Saint Days. I don’t go as regularly as I want to sometimes. I tryyyy to go once a week, but my kid doesn’t always want to go, and I get a bit nervous to go by myself sometimes.” Kaito admitted easily, patting Gula’s shoulders companionably, before deciding Gula didn’t seem like he was about to bolt away and letting go, walking beside him instead, “But it’s easier on special events like this. Usually more crowded, easier to kind of blend in.”

Sort of. It was a mixed bag, if Kaito was going to blend in at the temple on any given day. If the temple was just full of Atuan Diceans? Usually fine. Sometimes not fine, but not fine in the way it usually was when it was not fine in Dicea, in that folks not fine with Kaito being there just ignored him. When there were more Luminary Atuans? Stiiiiiilll usually fine, but Kaito often found himself leaving sooner when that was the case. He felt more like a Presence when that happened.

Saint Days were usually fine all around though, because they were sort of pointedly busy. Long words of worship filling the air or rituals keeping people busy. Occupied prayer rooms. That sort of thing.

“Have you been to the local temple yet? King Aiichi commissioned it for the city back when I first married Kokichi. I actually argued against it, briefly. Wait, did I?” Kaito paused, brow furrowed, “Maybe I kept that to myself. Was sort of worried it’d put a target on Atuan’s backs, to have some big, public space for them. But! It ended up being really nice! Are any of your friends going to want to come? I can go kidnap them real quick, if you want?”

…huh. 

It wasn’t like Gula had been all that privy to the ins and outs of NGP gossip. There was stuff that spread out towards the coast, the sorts of things everyone heard, but he hadn’t been the type to devour capital-focused magazines or pamphlets or anything. But he’d always had the impression that the royal family did all their worship--or non-worship, as it was--in their private castle temple. 

Hearing that Kaito regularly went to the city temple? With his son?

Gula gave Kaito a wary look, especially for the slightly wary feelings the prince had himself. “...yeah, I’ve walked by. Peeked my head in a little, just curious.” Gula squinted. “...why would having a temple put targets on people? And, what? It’s only been a thing since you married the heir apparent? Where did Atuans worship before, then?”

Despite his suspicion, though, Gula let out a small sigh, waving his hand. “Nah, none of them are big worshippers.” He twitched. “...not that I am. But no one ever mentioned stuff like going to temple for Saints’ Days, just, like, stopping by on Lumination and Atua’s week like almost everyone does.”

“Dicea has these, like… they’re places of worship, but kinda anyone worships anything there? Religions that don’t have a designated spot will book rooms there for events. I hear they do bingo nights too.” Kaito grinned, “I kind of want to take my Shuichi there. I feel like he’d hate bingo, but have a blast hating it. Pure luck, no real way to strategize? It’d drive him crazy.”

“Anyway, Atuans used to worship there. But I think once King Aiichi saw how, uh… demanding some of our rituals are? In terms of prayer rooms and bonding ceremonies? Well, probably only the bonding ceremonies were on his mind. I actually have no idea if the king has any idea what our prayer rooms are for. I know Atuans around here were using the strip clubs for help with that aspect of it.” Kaito mused as the two headed outside… before his eyes widened, “Oh. Right. Uuuuuh… have you talked to a local Atuan yet?”

“...the fuck?” Gula muttered to himself. 

It was weird enough conceptualizing multiple religions just…coexisting together. Everything, foreign customs, lingering pre-plague practices, it all was gathered up into Atua, Atua simply loving enough to have let weird branches of his divinity develop while he was in hiding. Or, at least, that was how people talked about it. But that was how people talked about it; that multiple religions could be separate and distinct… Gula didn’t know how a…worship rental space wasn’t constantly trashed from disputes between sects. 

(Though, Gula had to uneasily concede that he hadn’t seen anywhere in Usott that was trashed. It wasn’t like he’d done a survey of the whole city, but even out by some of the more industrial areas, everything was clean and in good shape and even pretty in pure functional ways. He couldn’t recall if he’d seen a single broken window anywhere.)

…and what the fuck was a ‘strip club’?

Giving Kaito an uneasy side glance, Gula grunted, “No. Xigbar and Linnea have practically thrown us out the door with how lax everything’s gotten, but they’re still doing the whole ‘don’t talk to strangers’ speeches. People are pretty chatty here and it’s not like I’m running away when someone greets me on the street, but especially after what happened to Lauriam I’m not exactly putting myself out there for meet and greets.”

“...why?” he asked warily.

“Yeah, what happened to Lauriam was…” Kaito grit his teeth a bit, before letting out a breath, “...not likely to happen again. You just, you know… Diceans are nice, but you gotta…” Kaito waved his hand in a small circle, puffing out his cheek before letting out a breath in exasperation, “There’s a learning curve here, let’s just put it like that. It gets much safer the more you learn what danger looks like here. And just try not to… get into any sort of arguments here for a while, until you kinda get a feel for Diceans. They’re not aggressive in the same ways we are, which makes it really hard to tell when something is actually escalating, and… ugh, look, don’t take my word for any of it. The locals are fine. Lauriam, as callous as this sounds, really just got unlucky. It’s just… you learn! You learn how to do it! Live here, I mean. It’s a process.”

Kaito huffed in frustration, rubbing his temples for a moment… before grinning lightly at Gula, “Anyway. Dicean Atuans are a different sector than ours. I don’t want you to be caught off guard, but they don’t worship Atua as a Creator God here. You’re from a traditional household, right? Do you know your oligarch-period Atuan history?”

Gula gave Kaito a searching look for a moment. It didn’t take an Empath to hear the strain in Kaito’s voice and clock it as frustration and anger, and honestly those were good signs to hear. If the royal family totally brushed off what happened to Linnea’s sons, Dicea would suddenly feel far more threatening. That Gula had seen Prince Ouma pacing a stressed out, that Kaito was frustrated with what happened…it meant that it wasn’t normal. That the Empaths’ injuries here weren’t part of the plan. It meant people were more invested in their safety. 

And, well, Gula had found out that Lauriam was just incredibly unlucky. It wasn’t hard at all to notice how worried Riku was about his brothers, and Gula could hardly believe what he was hearing when Hao and Xehanort explained that Lauriam had been attacked by magic emotion eaters, and even more that Lauriam was planning on starting up a fucking bakery to literally cater to them. 

Gula really hoped that the guy had become a better cook than his old recipe book implied. Gula had done some heavy edits to it in their time staying at Linnea’s house. 

…maybe Lauriam would be hiring. 

Though, Gula just shrugged. “Sure. You have to learn the rules every new place you go, right? But it doesn’t hurt to play it safe while you are. Thus--” he sighed, rolling his eyes a little, “--not being a total social butterfly.”

And it wasn’t like Gula went out of his way to talk to people from his temple when they were outside of temple anyway. But here?

Raising an eyebrow, Gula nodded and half-shrugged. “Atua was in hiding under the guise of the patron god of sex workers until He revealed the truth of His being to save the people from the Fire-Lung Plague. That what you mean?”

“Yep! Man, you’d be surprised how many people don’t know their history even just that far back. Most people I used to ask that back in the day just knew Atua was in hiding, not that he was the God of Whores and Concubines. I only found that out because a priestess who mentored me basically told me that in confidence, though you can find it in some history books.” Kaito mused, motioning for Gula to take a turn down the road with him, taking a familiar shortcut to the temple, “Anyway, that version of the religion is still what Dicean Atuans actively practice. God of Whores and Concubines.”

Gula shrugged with fatigued apathy. “Look, when you’re in temple twelve hours a week, you need a lot of stuff to talk about. You can read passages from the Good Book over and over, but every now and then you need something more out there to keep people from falling asleep.”

Though, for a fact Gula hadn’t thought much of at the time, he gave Kaito a double-take, narrowly keeping himself from stepping off the curb into the line of trees on the side of the road. “What?! Did they just not get the memo or something?”

“Man, that must have been something,” Kaito murmured, eyes alight with imagination, thinking of the kind of community Gula had grown up in, “It was kind of rare to meet a true believer in the capital. I think it was a fallback of being so close to Momotas. Or maybe so close to wealth. Most people when you got know them showed their relationship to the religion was mostly strategic, if it mattered to them at all. Just more ways to climb the ladders.”

Kaito meant that earnestly. Even now, he didn’t entirely grasp how much talking to him specifically, changed the way people discussed religion with him in Luminary. Being a denounced prophet always influenced the discussion, especially based on how much the other person thought Kaito believed he was actually hearing Atua or not. In Kaito’s mind, the capital was just full of people who were just kinda weird when it came to religion. Either overeager in the way commercial salesmen were, or deeply uncomfortable, like someone who, say, didn’t want to accidentally disturb or upset the powerful man talking to them with a very public reputation about that particular subject. 

No one but the priestesses ever talked like they just, ya know… liked the religion and believed in Atua. It had left Kaito feeling a little isolated, in that aspect of his faith. He couldn’t help but envy the idea of being surrounded by people growing up who had loved the religion as much as he had.

Kaito shrugged at Gula’s question, though he pointed out the temple down the road, in case Gula might not recognize it, “Momotas didn’t have that sort of influence here in Dicea, to declare Atua a Creator God. Diceans mostly think it was a way for the Momota family to grab power and justify it as divine right. Annnnd to be fair, they’re mostly right about that. I mean, don’t get me wrong, my family is Atua’s chosen. I’ll always argue that. Buuuut being Atua’s chosen didn’t give us a right to Luminary. Atua doesn’t actually own Luminary. We’re a chosen family, not a chosen land. We just kinda took the land anyway.”

“So, yeah. Not a creator god here. Not even a greater god. A lesser god of whores and concubines. We have maybe a few hundred worshippers in this general area at all, and some of that number are people who travel pretty far from the neighboring areas to go to an actual Atuan temple. We’re just not a big group here. So we’re very lucky King Aiichi gave us a temple. I’m very grateful. The Oumas have been very good to us.”

“Probably looked even weirder to you,” Gula shrugged, not thinking much of his words, “Even out by me people were really divided on the whole ‘potentially silencing Atua’s word for political maneuvering’ thing, so talking to you personally? Would just bring the wackjobs out.”

Because there likely were a lot of people using faith to climb ladders in NGP, because…faith was power. The Head Priestess was one of the most powerful people in the country. The Momota family were Atua’s chosen, and that divine right was what put them in power. Without that connection to God--the Creator God, so the reason you were alive and the reason the country you lived in existed--they were just…people. And that…

Kaito’s words rubbed against the still-open wound they’d cut open before, the first time he’d had a substantial talk with the prince. The utter…pointlessness of it all, if it was true. 

Gula let out a shaky breath. “So…the people here still care about that, then? And since we’re going, they obviously still venerate the saints…” He let out a short, pitchy laugh, running a hand over his face. “...you’re wild. This is all crazy.”

But dropping his hand, his game face was on as he pulled open the temple door.

“I think the worship of the Saints is mostly from Luminary Atuans bringing it over the border–woah, watch out!” 

Kaito almost mindlessly scooped up Gula, lifting the guy up and then over Kaito’s head as he struggled to keep this feet, while around him a small hoard of animals–small birds, goats, a few pigs, one far too big bird which had caused Kaito to lift Gula over his head in the first place–all herded around him, nipping at his pant legs and squawking at him as Kaito shouted, “No, back, I don’t have any nibbles on me! Who let you out of the pen area!? Hey, a little help!?”

“A-ah! Sorry! There was an accident with the latch, I had just managed to corner them at the door! Uh, hi, Prince Kaito.” 

Kaito blinked… before lighting up, “Savannah! I didn’t know you were volunteering at the temple? Gula!” Kaito said, looking up at Gula’s back, still hefting him in the air, “This is young Savannah! She’s an acolyte!” 

“I mean, I was…”

“Ow! Stop biting my pants, I don’t have any food!”

For a moment, it was like Gula’s vision went white. A sharp gasp as his body went limp, an all-encompassing, consuming, certain thought proclaiming itself in his head:

You Are About To Die

…and then that moment ended. And while Gula’s heart was still beating far too quickly, he gave Kaito a disgruntled look, even as he took in the hoard of animals chirping and squawking around. With a breath, he pushed his arms back to grab Kaito’s shoulders and lifted himself out of the prince’s hands, then bringing up a leg to partially stand on his shoulders in order to have enough leverage to push off, almost looking like he’d magnetised himself to the space above the temple door, standing on the doorframe molding and holding onto some decorative crimps above it. 

…and with all that done, he bowed his head to the little girl. “Nice to meet you, Savannah. Happy Saint Gula’s Day.”

Looking at Kaito skeptically from his perch, he called out, “Go in the door so the animals will follow you back in, your grace. I’ll herd in the stragglers.”

“...holy shit that was really hot.” Kaito whispered, ears red as he watched Gula easily maneuver his way out of Kaito’s grip, almost like gravity shifted around him in the strength in his movement. 

Savannah gave Kaito a mildly disapproving look–the whisper hadn’t been subtle–before smiling shyly at Gula, bowing back, “Thank you, nice to meet you as well. Atua…” she hesitated, like she wasn’t sure she should say it, “Atua is pleased.”

“They just recognize me cause Tim always goes to feed them when we come by here, so they probably think I have food on me,” Kaito griped, carefully moving his way into the temple, the animals indeed fluttering and poking around him, sniffing at his pockets and crotch, “Hey, back off, I’m taken.”

“You should stop leading them on then. Here, I’ve got the feed, Savannah.”

“Priest Behemoth!” Kaito grinned, giving the burly priest a wave as the man opened up some feed, luring the animals away from Kaito and further into the temple, “Happy Saint Gula’s Day! I brought a Gula to celebrate!”

“What are we talking about?” Behemoth frowned, before handing the bag to Savannah, “Think you can get the animals back on your own, missy?”

“Y-yes!” Savannah said, before looking very determined, giving little whistles to the animals as she lured them towards a door on the far side of the lobby. 

“Good kid. Still a nervous little thing.” Behemoth murmured, before looking sternly back at Kaito, “What were you saying about bringing a Gula? I thought we agreed you wouldn’t discuss anything like ‘miracles’ here, don’t tell me you brought a saint.”

“Naaaaaah, though aren’t we all little miracles at the end of the day? In the eyes of Atua? I’m joking don’t get mad, meet Gula!” Kaito said, gesturing Behemoth’s increasingly steely gaze towards Gula.

Gula took the time of Savannah looking at Kaito to quickly flip the prince off, before, barely even thinking about it, he returned to the girl, “Atua is pleased.”

As he’d planned out, as soon as Kaito safely moved inside the temple Gula jumped down from above the door, startling the few straggling animals into quickly pattering inside after the others. And it was easier to just focus on shooing them in, than to…focus on anything inside the temple. Look at whatever worship might be happening that they were late to, even if he had to admit that if they had a bonding animal breakout, things likely weren’t orderly. 

But he wasn’t deaf, so as he came inside, he gave the…priest??? A respectful greeting bow, before smirking lightly. “Hey, happy Saint Gula’s Day. From someone born under her namesake--nice to meet you.”

“Ah, a Gula. I see. Always feels a bit special to see someone with their namesake come worship their saints,” Priest Behemoth said, giving a small nod in return before reaching over to pat Gula on the arm a bit, “Welcome to the temple. Don’t think I’ve seen you here before. Priestess Selka is reciting the story of your Saint right now, if you’d like me to show you to the sermon room.”

“Oooh, I was wondering why you were out here. Priestess Selka’s leading worship? That’s great!” Kaito said cheerfully, eagerly following along as Priest Behemoth led them to what could either be called a fairly large room, or a somewhat small auditorium. It was nicely decorated, a large, circular room that all leaned down slightly towards a main center flooring, a plush mishmash of nice rugs and cushions being the seating in the sloped stands as Atuans watched the priestess in the center of the room speak. 

A few of the Atuans were more clearly Luminary than others. In the same way Kaito had picked a nice laced shirt to come to temple with, something a little specifically Luminary in style, a few of the Luminary Atuans had brought or worn little things that made them more obviously Luminary. Some had clearly brought their own tapestry rugs to sit on, a few wore Luminary style jewelry. For some, it was just specific types of sandals, likely one of the few things that had survived their trip across the border.

But they sat easily among the larger handfuls of Dicean Atuans, who were also, some, a little more obvious they were Dicean Atuans, specifically because their outfits were a little more… skin showing, specifically. Not all of them, but there were more obvious signs of folks who might have literally come straight from their work at the strip club to temple, glitter still on their clothes and skin.

A few sniffed and looked up immediately, like they could smell something, and glanced over at Kaito. But only for a moment, before looking back to Priestess Selka, as Behemoth showed Kaito and Gula a good cushioned spot near the top of the slopes.

“And Saint Gula, in her travels, spread lost knowledge of herbs and medicines, stitching and gauzes, from town to town, during the very height of the dark ages. While libraries fell and books burned, Gula refused to let her people lose the knowledge that would ease them through famine and plague, through heat strokes and snake bites, that would be the last line of defense from the struggles of the desert, during an age where we lost so much. Saint Gula’s efforts, and the efforts of her followers, preserved the Atuan people in the sands, during an age where demons constantly nipped at their very heels, trying to trick and drag them to hellfire,” Priestess Selka said.

Kaito winced at that, whispering to Gula, “Ah, I keep telling her not to mention the demon stuff around here. Doesn’t translate well.”

“Like pulling a lucky number at bingo,” Gula said, giving Kaito a dryly amused glance before he smiled tightly at the priest. “But, yeah, only recently came to town. A holiday does make for good motivation to finally check out the local temple, though.”

As they were led to the sermon room--actually not drastically different from the one back home…if you were just looking at the construction--Gula quickly pulled his eyes up from his curious look around the room. No one was wearing anything indecent, but, uhhhhh there was enough skin that it felt rude to look. (Especially in God’s house. Any prayer was supposed to be in His name, not for personal enjoyment, and looking upon anyone selfishly felt blasphemous during a sermon.)

And it was a sermon Gula knew well, even if he didn’t know the priestess saying it. He thought he’d maybe seen her around the castle…but if nothing else now, then how she was delivering the sermon clocked her as Luminary. 

Gula’s expression went grim. “Lotta people take it metaphorically. No reason people here wouldn’t,” he whispered back. 

Before settling on his cushion and just trying to focus on the sermon, gripping his hands around his compression sleeves. He knew what Kaito had said, but…but if trying to atone outside didn’t work, then…maybe he could find some absolution in God’s House, venerating his namesake. Maybe even offering the evil in him for her to heal, if that wasn’t too bold.

Maybe, but it sure felt worse to hear about the dangers and evils of demons when Kaito was, like… friends with some. Well, was Dr. Mariah a friend? He kind of liked to think so. They played dream DND together, how much more friendly could you get? Miss Crystal would laugh at him for worrying about it.

“And so, we bend our bodies in worship, knowing that we live in a good and just world, where our god is pleased by the love the Saint Gula showed us all in her quest to preserve our health. Saint Gula preserved medicine, and Atua was so pleased by her love that he preserved her name as Sainthood, told through the blessing of High Priestess Nigh, and King Kaiden the First! Let us today eat, drink, and be merry to honor our good healths and fortunes, and give offerings of the body, both within and without…” Priestess Selka paused, before adding in, her tone a little less practiced and certain now as she said, “Though, I know we do things a little different here, and that if you’ve already blood-let once this month? You’re not expected to offer again. Well, more reason to offer external offerings of the body then! Hah, I kid.”

Kneeling down, taking out a knife and bowl, Priestess Selka smiled at the room and said, “But anyone who wishes to give offerings internal, come on down. Otherwise, I hear there’s catering in the next room over! Atua be pleased!”

“Atua be pleased,” Kaito echoed along with the rest of the room, as people began to get up and stretch, a few immediately heading to the doors, a few heading down to Priestess Selka, most just chatting and mingling as worship winded down.

Gula’s gaze lowered. 

…was it a good and just world? When people he’d known and shared meals with had been sent to the slaughter on God’s Word? When his life had been ruined for the small act of…helping a friend. When, one of the few times he had actually followed the tenets of the Good Book, had extended his love to another in an act of service, it had only sent him into hellfire?

But that wasn’t the fault of Saint Gula. In her preservation of medicine and healing…they had bandaged sore and worn fingers after rough days of work. Linnea could soothe headaches almost as soon as they started. Though they couldn’t chance finding a healer, Xigbar had still been able to find medicine that got Ava through a brutal cold. 

And those things were important. Acts…from the people who did care, rather than the people that didn’t. And if both were using God’s blessings to act, then…maybe it was a good thing, to encourage the better acts. 

“Atua be pleased,” Gula said with the crowd, before he swallowed thickly. “...your husbands didn’t come with you,” Gula noted to Kaito, “so no external prayer today?”

“Tsk. Noooooo,” Kaito pouted, “Shuichi and Kokichi are a little too shy to ever use a prayer room. Which is fair and I am not disappointed and I will never pressure them otherwise.” Kaito pouted some more. “And I will only talk like this about it where they can’t hear, and I will deny it if you tell them. Cool? Cool.”

Kaito got up, gesturing down to Selka as he said, “And I doubt you’re giving an external offering your first time here, so wanna go internal?”

Gula rolled his eyes a little, despite the roll of emotions crashing over him inside. “You have a private prayer room literally in your home, why’d you use one here? I’m not about to hound your husbands over it, chill out.”

Though, as he got up, Gula gave the priestess and offering bowl a wary look. It had only been about three weeks since his last offering…but it was a holiday, and those always came with expectations. Expectations that weren’t on him here, but…

Light green eyes flicked to Kaito nervously. “...would…I be allowed to?” Even as he said it, Gula grimaced. “Like it’d…taint a group offering bowl, right?”

“Marcus, man, moments like these I really miss you, buddy. Hope you’re having fun in your trials,” Kaito sighed, crossing his arms and shaking his head a little. 

Though, what Gula followed that up with made Kaito frown, raising a slightly worried eyebrow at him. “What? No? Why would it–”

“SNEAK ATTACK!”

“GAH! JAMIE, THIS IS A SLOPE, TYRONE DON’T YOU DARE–GAH, WHAT ARE YOU KIDS EVEN DOING HERE!?”

As Kaito desperately tried not to topple over while three Sunny Side children did their absolute best to knock him down–unaware exactly that half the reason Kaito was trying so hard not to fall was to not fall on top of them– Savannah sort of scooted around the mess of prince/trampling children with a somewhat sympathetic wince as she approached Gula. “Sorry, my siblings came to visit me. Did we interrupt? I was just about to go make an offering if you want to join me, uh, Prince Kaito is…”

“OW OW NO BITING WHY IS EVERYTHING BITING ME TODAY?!”

“Probably going to need a minute,” Savannah said sheepishly.

It wasn’t as all-consuming fear this time, but Gula’s heart still leapt into his throat as he darted back a pace, watching in alarm as Kaito was tackled.

…by a bunch of little kids. …heh. Hoo. Not even princes avoid that sort of thing, huh. 

As his heart began to slow again, Gula looked back at the little girl who’d spoken up. He still had his reservations, but…wh-what, he wasn’t going to make a kid go make an offering on her own! And it was…probably less weird if he did too. 

It was. Probably. Fine. 

“Sure, we can let him handle this,” Gula laughed lightly. “You get all the bonding animals sorted, uh, Acolyte Savannah, right?

“Don’t worry, he’s fine. They’re always doing that with him.” Savannah laughed a touch nervously, seemed like she wanted to say something else, and then thought better of it. Wringing her hands a little as she started to walk down the slope with him.

But half down, she seemed to change her mind about what she had wanted to say, as she suddenly explained in a small rush of breath, “He’s just being nice. Or, trying to be nice. Or–I’m not an acolyte anymore…” She glanced uncertainly over her shoulder at the prince, who had lost the war and was now toppled onto his back, only successful in not crushing anyone as the kids triumphantly tried to wrestle him into submission. “...maybe…? I don’t… it’s a bit confusing. The Highest says I’m not, and her word is divine. But Prince Kaito says I am and I guess his… isn’t…”

“It’s confusing,” she said softly again, shrugging, “Sorry.”

Gula let out a commiserating groaning sigh as he rustled a hand through the longer part of his hair. “He says some weird stuff about Atua, right? No need to apologize, he’s been doing that to me too. It’s like, you grow up always hearing the tenets and ideas this one way and it make sense, that’s how everyone treats religion, then you have one conversation with a guy who’s supposed to have a direct connection to god, even if he renounced his claim, and he’s like, eh, sorta, not really.”

“Though I guess other people here are doing that too,” he said, glancing around the sermon room. There were still plenty of people around, but it was definitely clearing out now. From what he’d heard from the sermon, all that didn’t sound different from anything he’d hear back home, but the Priestess giving it was Luminary, so… Sighing, Gula looked back down at Savannah with a small, concerned frown. “How’re you holding up with all that? Whatever the Highest says, that doesn’t erase everything you’ve already learned. If I’ve gotten the right idea from Prince Kaito, you probably know more about Luminous sects of Atua than most people in this room.”

Savannah smiled nervously at that and picked lightly at the dirt beneath her fingernails. “I know… a bit. I had to pass my lessons to become an acolyte at the castle temple, and they don’t usually pick from Indentured orphanages. Me and my sister Odette studied a lot, but, really it was Prince Kaito who got us in. He used to say he saw Saints in us, but I don’t think he meant that literally…”

She glanced again nervously at Kaito above them, then down at the priestess below them who was patiently helping a few others with their offering. And clearly in debate with herself again, she wrung her hands a bit, before leaning in to whisper to Gula, “When I was little? I was cleaning the second floor play area when I heard the prince talking to someone. He sounded upset, like he was in an argument, and he was pacing the roof. I thought he might have been talking to my sister Maki, and I was curious, so I climbed to the roof to see what was going on. And he was talking to the air.”

Her hands clutched together, eyes shining brightly, she glanced at Kaito again, who was scolding the kids, and whispered, “I listened for a while, and I realized he was talking to Atua. But he wasn’t just talking, he was listening. He’d stop and listen and then answer whatever he heard. It felt like I was watching a miracle… a real prophet, actually talking to God…”

“I got really excited and interrupted him. I wanted to talk to Atua too. I was little, I didn’t know better,” Savannah laughed sheepishly, her young features more openly expressing her embarrassment. An 11-year-old reflecting on the cringe of having once been 6. Travesty. “And he told me he wasn’t talking to Atua, that he was just praying. But that wasn’t what it sounded like. It really sounded like talking… Before that, priesthood always seemed like it was meant for other people. Better people. Not an Indentured orphan… but a prince was having a conversation with God in my orphanage. Right in front of me. And was being regularly tackled by my siblings. And suddenly it all felt so much…closer. Obtainable. Like I could do it too.”

Savannah’s eyes shone for a bit, clearly still affected by that memory… before they dimmed. Her smile fading. “...But my head priestess said I was demonic. She said she saw me consorting with demons. I didn’t… I don’t really know what I did. I didn’t think I was doing that. But the Highest said it was true, and she’s closest to Atua just shy of the Momotas, and Kaito’s not a real Momota anymore, so… so I don’t know…”

Savannah wrung her hands. “...the priests let me give offerings here. But you don’t… I didn’t consort with demons, but you don’t have to share a bowl with me if you want. I can get a different one, it’s okay.”

Gula didn’t have to be an Empath to notice Savannah’s nerves, but because he was one, he felt the shame and sadness intertwined within them. And as he graciously leaned down--not that far. Savannah wasn’t a notably tall preteen, but Gula was a notably short teen--to listen to her whisper, he listened carefully. 

He’d heard a bit of Kaito Momota’s notorious ‘talks with Atua’. And much more recently, he’d heard that there was no real way to know how many of them were the madness people claimed to throw Kaito out of succession, and how many of them were the former Head Secretary getting his kicks. But that wasn’t exactly something he’d tell to a kid.

“The divine in the everyday,” Gula murmured softly, nodding a little as Savannah explained her initial desire to enter into the temples…but what he intended in that understanding turned into muted shock, for a moment. Because what she said next he understood a little too well, more than anyone’s desire to enter into true faith. 

And his widened eyes softened as he spoke quietly to her. Swallowing some of the burning feeling in his chest down, as he gave her a crooked, roguish grin. “Hey, I don’t want to alarm you, but we might have to start a ‘Was Falsely Accused of Demonic Consortation Club’.” Gula’s smile softened. “That’s some of the weird stuff Prince Kaito was talking to me about, before. I know I wasn’t consorting with demons, that I’m not,” (just say it, this kid doesn’t deserve to live under that weight, Atua loves her), “demonic, but…”

A weight pressed on Gula’s shoulders, even if he was trying to be comforting right now. “The people that told me might not be as convincing as The Highest, but a lot of stuff was going wrong for me. Despite what I knew was the truth, it was hard to just…not get convinced by all of that. Why would things suck so much if I wasn’t demonic, you know? And I’ve been thinking like that for a little while, so it’s kinda hard to hear the Prince tell me otherwise.”

“But ultimately, I know I’m not, and I trust you saying you’re not, so,” straightening from their hushed conversation, Gula gave Savannah a low bow, as he might for a full priestess, “I’d be honored to share an offering bowl with you, Acolyte Savannah.”

Savannah had been giving Gula a bewildered look for most of that–why would anyone call him demonic? He was cute! Nice, he was nice.--but her eyes widened in absolute shock as he stepped back to bow not just fully, but low. The kind of bow she had only received once before, when being honored for getting her first title…

She laughed a little nervously, eyes shimmering, tried to smooth out her curly hair against the side of her head for a bit before wondering why she was doing that, and then yelped when she felt knuckles tap into her back. 

“You bow back, you goofball.” Kaito grinned, walking past as he headed down Priestess Selka.

Savannah watched him go for a moment, before crossing her arms lightly over her chest, and bowing deeply back. “...thank you.”

Straightening up, she smiled softly. “...I think maybe they were just wrong,” she said… before sputtering a little, “About some some things.”

Gula kept his laugh to himself at Kaito’s prompt and rose as Savannah did, giving her a grin. “No prob.” (It was just…what he wished someone would tell him. Had told him at the factory. It still felt sort of like a lie, in his case, but…)

(Telling Savannah made him believe it a little more too.)

He laughed a little as he started to lead the way down to the priestess and offering bowl again. “I think so too. Like, you won’t catch me trying to debate The Highest, but I think privately we can acknowledge the truth. Some people just get things wrong.”

“If everyone was perfect, it wouldn’t be special that Atua loves us all. It’d just be expected.” Savannah said, smiling lightly, “My mentor told me that… she was the one who accused me of consortation, but I still miss her sometimes anyway. I hope she’s alright. I heard there was a famine at the capital… priestesses are supposed to eat last when there’s a famine. It’s our duty…”

“...I’m sure she’s alright.” Savannah whispered, fretting a little as they approached Priestess Selka, who was going over Kaito’s blessing with him. 

“So, wait, we’re blessing–?”

“Kokichi’s heart medicine, Shuichi’s pollen medicine, C-Sections, Nausea medicine, pain killers, fever reducers, those hard bumpy pillows that are good for backs, necks and ankles, smelling salts, uh, what else… antipsychotics! Those too. What else… stitches… what else have we used in the last year…” Kaito murmured, his hand out and dripping a light trickle of blood into the bowl, “...oh! Ice and ice cream for various mouth related things. Scar ointment, used that again recently. Medicine for your butt. Oh! Rash cream too–”

“Ew.” Savannah said, wrinkling her nose.

“Don’t judge me, acolyte, I’m giving thanks for medicine right now. Oh! This weird sort of oil that eases muscle aches. I think that’s everything? I thiiiiink that’s everything… yep. Pretty sure.”

“We thank Saint Gula, who gave us allll of those things,” Priestess Selka said, raising her head, “....and we hope to not have to use some of that stuff again for the rest of the year. Atua be pleased.”

“Atua be pleased!” Kaito said cheerfully, taking an offered wrap and binding his hand–it was a light cut, wouldn’t even scar– as he got up, stepping back and looking at Gula, “Hey, what were you saying before? About not using the bowl?”

“Makes forgiveness all the more divine… Oh yeah… I was travelling cross-country at the time, but we got word to swerve past the capital on our way,” Gula noted, before offering a more hopeful smile to Savannah. “It’s not exactly the same as medicine, but nutrition is still a big part of health--I don’t think Saint Gula would mind if we sent some prayers your mentor’s way. Even if she doesn’t need the help of a Saint’s ear, I think Atua would approve of you still thinking of her either way.”

Love for another’s well-being was love, and that love for someone who’d wronged you was a type of divinity usually left for paradise. And that sort of prayer felt more worthwhile than anything Gula would pray in the name of for himself. 

Listening a little bewilderedly to the utter laundry list Kaito was praying in thanks for, Gula caught Savannah’s eyes and exaggeratedly stuck his tongue out in solidarity with her disgust, before quickly fixing his face when Kaito finished up. And to his question, Gula just rolled his eyes and waved it off.

“Nah, I’ve got my new super cool club duties to contribute to. So Saint Gula’s gonna get a ton of thanks for how crazy the past year’s been--feels more pointed to offer blood to her, yanno? Her teachings of disinfecting and wound dressing are why we can safely offer prayers to the Saints in the first place.”

“Hah! That’s true–bruise cream and condoms! I’m retroactively adding those two! I use so much bruise cream–vasectomy! Gah, it’s always after you’re done making an offering you suddenly remember all the stuff.” Kaito sighed, shaking his head as he walked back up the slope, leaving the small group to do their offerings.

“With all due respect to the royal family and Atua’s chosen… I have to imagine his tutors must have just… given up, at a certain point, when it comes to posturing and etiquette.” Priestess Selka laughed a little, before smiling at the two, “Happy Saint Gula’s day, young ones. Who would like to go first?”

“Um…” Savannah looked over at Gula, “...do you want to do it with me? It’s okay to say no.”

“Happy Saint Gula’s Day,” Gula greeted back to the priestess, bowing respectfully before he rolled his eyes a little Kaito’s way. “His Grace is one of a kind, that’s for sure. Hey, we came in part way through your sermon so I didn’t catch your name, Priestess.” He gave her a small smile. “I’ll be honest, with what Prince Kaito was telling me right before we got here, I wasn’t expecting to hear the sort of speech I’d hear back home. It was nostalgic in a nice way.”

And Gula found himself saying that more than just to be polite. A lot of the recited scripture had been little but stress and annoyance throughout his life…but hearing someone talk about Saint Gula’s deeds with the vigor of belief felt comforting, in a weird way. Even ending the sermon talking about demons.

Reaching up to slide one of his compression sleeves down, revealing the heavily littered lines of prayer scaring down his forearm, Gula gave Savannah a nod. “Like I said, I’d be honored. And you know your mentor better to make a prayer for her health.”

“Oooh, I’m glad my worship was comforting! I was a bit worried it wouldn’t go over well here, but uh… ‘Priest’ Behemoth said he thought it’d be nice for his Luminary members to hear a Luminary Priestess for a holiday. I was honored to be allowed!” Priestess Selka said, before bowing at her shoulders, “Priestess Selka. I accompanied King Sou’s Escort Party to the capital.”

Savannah looked mildly impressed, “You’re the king's priestess?”

“I suppose so? I was really only brought on for the party, but I suppose now I am!” Selka said cheerfully, cleaning off her knife before putting out her hand, “Alright, young acolyte, let’s do yours first!”

“I’m not a… okay.” Savannah said, putting out her hand. The two going over Savannah’s blessing together. Savannah talking about wraps that she had used to heal cuts and give a twisted ankle to one of her siblings stability, before mentioning her hope that everyone at the capital had recovered from the famine, including her old mentor.

“Oh wow,” Gula murmured, the surprise on his face reading impressed as well.

…though he was a little wary. He’d heard from Riku that Queen Kaede absolutely knew what Empaths were, because she’d been talking to his older brother in the capital. It had been her taking the crown that had freed all the Empaths from the factories, but…surely she hadn’t been the only royal to know. So that meant that their freedom was less a consideration of personhood and more of a purely political move. So…that really gave no indication as to what the king-consort knew or felt about Empaths. Which felt a little dangerous, even if Gula wasn’t about to talk his ass off to the king’s priestess.

Still, she was doing a service to the temple, and Gula had already decided to pray. 

As Savannah finished her prayers, Gula gave her an encouraging smile as he echoed the final, ‘Atua be pleased’ before going up to the bowl and holding out his arm to Priestess Selka.

She cleaned the blade again–Luminary didn’t have low STD cases for nothing–before taking his hand. She gave a somewhat uncertain smile at all the cuts on his arm, before very lightly pressing the blade into the base of his palm. Just enough to draw blood, before squeezing his palm to have it drip into the bowl as she said, “Gula. Named for the Saint of Medicine. In terms of practices and effect on the world, or at least on Luminary, some people consider her one of the most important Saints of all. It’s…” she looked at the scars again, “A lot to live up to. What are your blessings, Honorably Named?”

…huh. That was… He guessed she hadn’t done much of a cut for Kaito or Savannah either, but…that really wasn’t deep at all. 

Gula returned Selka’s somewhat wary smile. “I’m blessed for fever reducers and cold medicine, helping my friends recover from their illnesses. For the knowledge of how to care for concussions, and ice packs to soothe pain. And…” Gula hesitated. Going into it was…dangerous. A lot of his prayers in the factory had been personal. Desperate pleas to something he was unable to escape in his mind, begging for forgiveness. It wasn’t like he’d been surrounded by a slaughter, they’d still needed some Empaths around at all times and it wasn’t like they had been getting them by the armfuls… But it had been enough. Enough that praying for the others, even when hellfire licked at his skin, felt…pointless. There were just too many. 

…but now?

His breath was shakier than he meant. “...and for those whose wounds could not heal, I’m blessed knowing that they’re taken care of away from this mortal plane. For the year coming up, I humbly pray for the health and wellness for the holy servants in the capital, working with Saint Gula’s blessings to aid the people.”

“And Atua is pleased with your blessing.” Priestess Selka smiled… before lightly squeezing his hand again, another drop added to the bowl, “And Saint Gula is proud of her namesake.”

“Atua is pleased.” Savannah said, looking notably relaxed now. At ease in her worship.

“Atua is pleased.” Selka said, before letting go. Reaching for a gauze, “Let’s get that cut cleaned up, yeah? Hey, what was that noise I heard during worship? I swore at one point I heard one of the goats yelping right outside the door.”

“It was the latch,” Savannah pouted, “It didn’t close right. It’s not my fault.”

“Atua is pleased,” Gula breathed, faith feeling…less like a burden, this time. As only the scant drops fell from his hand, they felt more meaningful than any stream he’d given before, but light in that meaning. Just a sort of…acceptance.

Giving Selka a small, appreciative smile as she got the supplies to dress his cut, Gula chuckled lightly at the animal break-out. “It was certainly an introduction to this temple I won’t forget, and I think we made sure no one’s bonded animal made a break out into the city.”

Glancing back, seeing that no one still in the room seemed to be waiting for their turn to offer a prayer--he had straggled behind with Kaito then Savannah a bit--he then turned back to the two holy women (woman and girl, he guessed). “How’s that all work here, if you don’t mind my asking? I know every temple does it a little differently, but I was kind of surprised to see mostly livestock-type animals.”

“It’s a bit odd, right?” Priestess Selka asked, cleaning up her blade and covering her bowl. It’d be kept in an enclosed space within the temple shrines until the day of cleaning, Pudiciam, “Apparently it’s partly just how Dicean bonding ceremonies have always worked here, so somewhat tradition, but from how it was described to me, I think it’s also partly just their sensibilities? I think they have a harder time getting people to accept killing a bonding animal when it’s not the sort of animal they’re used to raising for slaughter already. Even if you care just as much and feel just as close to a goat as you would, say, a dog, your neighbors aren’t going to consider you a monster for killing a goat.”

“Oh man, you guys talking about Diceans view of bonding ceremonies?” Kaito asked, having lingered at the slope, not wanting to crowd but also clearly waiting on them, sat on one of the cushions, “Most of them have never even heard of it, and the ones that do think we’re a death cult for it. Let me tell you, being put on the spot to explain that to my husband on our wedding day? Absolute nightmare. I’ll never forget the look on his face.”

Kaito laughed like it was funny… but his smile was a little tired as he admitted, “Kokichi never even met our bonding animal. He was a horse named Kohtalon. Beautiful, strong, really patient… he wasn’t the animal I was raising. I had a few bonding animals that didn’t end up working out, and an official one that just, I don’t know, who knows what happened to her. But I still feel lucky I got Kohtalon. I dream about him sometimes.”

“I tried to raise a lizard I caught once as a bonding animal when I was eight… he escaped.” Savannah pouted a little, “He’s probably happier, but I miss Sir Sticky-Tongue.”

…what? Gula gave Selka, then Kaito bewildered looks. A monster? Death cults? He guessed it did literally have to do with death, but that wasn’t the point of a bonding animal at all! Bonding animals were sacred! Duties of care in life, so that when you and your bonded were taken to the trials, your animal would return the favor and care for you in death. And it was one of the only ways for an animal’s soul to make it to paradise at all! You’d sooner be called thoughtless and heartless not having a bonding animal!

“What the fuck,” Gula summed up succinctly, giving Kaito a much more sympathetic, concerned look for having to explain the concept at all to his husband on their wedding day. And something more wary crossed his face as he realized, “...then bonding ceremonies probably aren’t big events here, huh.”

“Nooooo, not even a little. Even Luminaries don’t really do them here. I’ve seen another wedding with a Luminary participant, and married my second husband since then, and I don’t know if Hina and Sakura did their bonding ceremony at all, but Shuichi and I only did the first part of it. We’re going the long route for his snake to die and just kinda betting on him dying before us.” Kaito paused, before shivering, “You know, a few years ago I would have thought a snake being one of my bonding animals was cool, but watching them get near my pregnant husband really did something to me. Still makes me a bit ill.”

“Can you… have? Two bonding animals?” Savannah frowned, “I thought you had to pick one.”

“Atua loves us, and everyone raises a bonding animal at some point. I wouldn’t be surprised if people have been secretly mixing both their bloods if both spouses had a bonding animal still alive at the same time,” Kaito said, “I think Atua would allow it. Same as I think Atua’s okay with the slow route Diceans use. It’s a nicer way to do it, if I’m honest. I felt like I was really mentally prepared to watch my bonding animal die, but it really shook me when it happened. I know he’s in the trials now, preparing and getting to do cool divine horse stuff, but… maybe he could have just stayed here and gotten to be an old horse first.”

“Maaaaybe, but, it isn’t really up to us,” Priestess Selka said, looking a little uncertain if she should argue with, uh, a Momota about this, but feeling the need to clarify, “These aren’t just ‘beliefs’. These are sacred texts. Kings and Queens and the Highest of Priestesses interpreted and passed along Atua’s will about the bonding ceremonies centuries ago, and it’s always been they die during the ritual. Just… officially.”

“Well… sure,” Kaito frowned, resting his chest against his knee and glancing away, clearly slightly irritated, “I’m just saying the Dicean way is kinda nice, and, well… in another life, maybe I would have decreed that Highest Priestess Ladia and Prophet Sill Momota were… mistaken.”

“Hah! I mean, sure, in another life, maybe, but we are living this life, where that could be a biiiiit blasphemous to suggest.” Selka said uneasily.

Kaito scoffed, rolling his eyes, “What are they gonna do. Denounce me?”

“Wild…” Gula murmured, pulling his sleeve back on. It wasn’t like he was even dating anyone, so marriage wasn’t even a blip on his horizons…but like any kid, he’d always liked to imagine his bonding ceremony. In his more fanciful fantasies, it hadn’t even been at his temple, but rather at the top of the cliffs overlooking the ocean a few miles out of town. He and his partner would spend the day before enjoying the climb up, he could bring Mealla up in one of those cute cat backpacks, and they could enjoy the sunset and night under the stars together. Absolutely spoiling the cat, thanking her for the companionship over the years and for her guidance in the trials… And the day after, all the guests, Gula’s climbing friends, his partner’s friends and family, could take carriages up the long way to the cliffs, and it’d be a huge party. 

For it to be a silent, half-done affair here? If done at all?

He glanced around the group with a heavy heart. Kaito’s…wish? For things to be different? …people were just wrong about some things. And a Momota…could just decide what they wanted. Who were demons, and if they should be imprisoned. The age you were an adult. Whether you had to say goodbye to a friend early. 

Gula snorted a bit at Kaito’s petulant point. “And I guess the Diceans here aren’t exactly being smited for doing things differently. Whether splitting up your ceremony or having multiple bonding animals actually affects things in the trial, I guess we don’t know if doing it all at once with one animal does either.” He smirked a little at the group. “Unless anyone wants to speak up about being undead real fast. So without a body of power to enforce it, choosing to believe in the texts back home, or adhering to different beliefs here is just a choice. And you’ll find out what happens at the end, just like everyone else.”

“I mean, obviously none of us know what happens. I just like to assume the best of our god. Smite me.” Kaito said, smirking a touch meanly at Priestess Selka, who gasped lightly at him. Scandal!

Savanna put her hands together, pressing the tips of her fingers lightly to her bottom lip, deep in thought… “If I can have more bonding animals to guide me through the afterlife? I think I’d collect one of every kind. To face every possible trial.”

“Well, see, now the acolyte’s trying to raise an animal army. That’s certainly not blasphemous at all.” Priestess Selka said dryly.

“Hey, the only criteria for a bonding animal is you have to love them. If she can love an army of animals? Why not! Atua will be pleased with her devotion to her badass animal army.”

“Falsey loving a bonding animal just because you want some specific trait from them in the afterlife doesn’t work. They just move on without you.” Priestess Selka said, clearly partly cautioning Savannah.

“Hey, don’t just assume a pre-planned love is false. I had, like, literally twenty, maybe twenty-five minutes to get my head around Kohtalon, and I love the crud out of that horse.” Kaito paused, before squinting a bit, “I very much hope he’s not… suuuuuper mad about me not being very good to another horse not that long after. Okay, admittedly, I’m maybe hoping for a little bit of mercy there.”

“What happened to the other horse?” Savannah asked.

“Over-ran him. He tripped in the exhaustion and broke his back,” Kaito frowned, “I had to put him down. It was not my best moment, I’m pretty ashamed of it now.”

Gula snickered a bit at Kaito and Selka’s cautionary argument, though he did give a small agreeing nod to Selka’s words. “Bonding animals are meant to help in the trials, but they’re not just tools. Cooperation hinges on respect, and if you don’t respect your animal in life, they sure don’t have to respect you in death. If it was just a matter of blood, then all temple-kept animals would be in tiny cages to keep as many as possible. Instead, they’re treated well, because even love to those uncomprehending of it is sacred.”

Not that all animals couldn’t understand love, but that sheer difference in intelligence was just a parallel gap in understanding as humans were to Atua. So, the love shown to them was just as divine.

So, like. It was sort of a given that the temples were vocally against animal abuse. 

“Saints high,” Gula winced. “It’s better that he didn’t suffer longer, but putting a horse down yourself is…intense.”

Kaito winced in turn, “It was bad. I wasn’t in the best head space to start with, but in the moment? I was down some random path in some random woods, I didn’t really have a grasp of where the nearest town was, I was alone and I had broken my own arm in the fall… and the poor thing was just screaming. It was in so much pain… uh, sorry,” Kaito frowned, seeing their expressions, “Sorry, maybe not a good story to tell. I just, in the moment it didn’t feel like I had an option other than putting the horse down, or just walk away and leave it to its agony. But the thing is, not that long after, people showed up…”

Kaito frowned, before shaking his head, “No, I should be honest. Even if I hadn’t cut the horses throat by that point, getting it rescued wasn’t going to be my priority when other people showed up. It was cruelty. I overran it… him. I overran him because I didn’t care, in that moment, and I still didn’t care even after we had fallen. I just needed to keep moving. It was just the pain he was in that made me act…I was wrong, to do everything I did. But out of all of it, I think killing him in that moment was the only half-decent thing I did that whole day. I can’t really justify any of it. Just caused pain and didn’t accomplish anything…”

Kaito blinked, before grinning, “Sorry! That was so grim! Sorry, I can be really grim sometimes. You alright, Savannah?”

Savannah startled, clearly unsure why he was asking her specifically, “Yes? I feel bad for the horse though.”

“Yeah. That’s my bad.” Kaito said warily. 

There was some amount of ‘what the fuck’ness in Gula’s expression, sure. But there was a sort of pale grimness that overshadowed any idea that the teen was purely disturbed by the shock value of violence. 

One of the few mercies in the factory was that they usually took people away to kill them. It was rare anything was just instant, in front of your eyes. But…sometimes the ‘closed door’ the day’s victim was taken to wasn’t far away enough. Sometimes they’d still been able to hear the screams. 

A horse wasn’t a person, of course. But being overworked to death, the situation born of pure and simple cruelty… The only difference was that it had never felt like a death in the factory was a mercy, even for how awful it was. 

Gula shifted uncomfortably, clearly stewing in bad feelings…which made his flinch rather apparent when a voice called into the room. 

Regardless of how low energy it was. 

“Priestess?” Deere called, peeking his head into the sermon room before he spotted Selka. “Ah, apologies if I’m too early, the others in the hall said the sermon was over…”

Selka smiled, immediately brightening up at the familiar face, “Hello dear. No, not at all, we’re just chatting. A bit of philosophising, a bit of trauma-dumping. Normal worship mingling.”

“Hey Deere,” Kaito greeted, giving a wave before looking to Savannah and Gula, “That’s Deere Cahalan. He’s the king's escort and butler. He’s not as grumpy as he looks, but it’s a near thing.”

“Don’t be unkind, he’s delightful. Deere, come down and meet Acolyte Savannah and Gula, named for Saint Gula!” Selka said, waving at him.

Deere gave Kaito a dry look before properly entering the room, revealing a pastry case in his arms as he approached the group. He bowed to Savannah and Gula, greeting, “Well met, happy Saint Gula’s Day. I suppose I’m not that surprised talk of healing led to trauma-dumping.” An amused smile played on Deere’s lips as he gave Selka a knowing glance. “Our good priestess is rather skilled in prompting participation from worshippers even on an average day.”

“Still…” he sighed, “I brought the bulk of them out on the main tables, but the reason I came by, Selka, was for your promised treats.” Which Deere had been planning to give to the temple for the holiday gathering anyway, but on a narrower schedule. As it happened, though, Sou had just decided to go back to sleep after breakfast, and Deere had already done the morning cleaning so…he’d been freed up to visit the temple himself. 

Though Selka had been around for some of his prep work, Deere still reminded her, “White chocolate and orange rugelach mini-loaves, strawberry cheesecake squares, and milk bread cylinders with a caramel glaze.” Fashioned to look like rolls of bandages, a first aid kit, and medicine bottles, respectively.

Gula’s jaw dropped, seeing the display case-worthy treats in Deere’s case.

Savannah was drooling a little, eyes wide and sparkling as she gasped, taking in the treats. “Wow…”

Kaito just barely held back a little ‘tsk’. Yeah yeah. Showoff. Deere was always making beautiful food like this. Kaito hadn’t minded until he heard Kokichi declare a macaroon Deere had prepared ‘one of the best things he had ever eaten’. Then Kaito had minded a lot. Hmph. All the decoration probably made it crunchy… until you got to the soft pasting lining. That was a negative! Probably! It was delicious, but crunchy pastries? 

…admittedly Kaito’s pastries were also often crunchy. But he was working on it! They were burnt far less often these days! See? Negative.

“Oh, Deere, they’re beautiful! Oh, please, you all must break bread with us, Deere’s food is what awaits us in Paradise, we’re lucky to get a prelude in life!” Selka insisted, encouraging Savannah and Gula to both take some of the treats, using her newly cleaned holy blade to cut some slices for them. “King Sou ended up not coming after all? I’m not surprised, he doesn’t get very excited for events like these. You should have stopped by for worship, Deere! I did an amazing job, I’ve been assured.” She said, giving Gula a wink.

Deere ducked his head a little--somehow, despite his persistent slouch--to half-hide a pleased little smile, though he nodded and subtly held the case a little lower for Savannah. “You’re overly kind as always. But I did make all these for the temple festivities today, so, please, enjoy.”

“You made these?!” Gula said, still gaping a bit, though as he munched his piece of the mini-roll… “...no way, how’d you get the chocolate from seizing up? You’re mad for even working with it in the first place. A-and did you make a whole jelly layer for the cheesecake?!”

“While boisterous celebrations aren’t His Grace’s type of vibe, he does want everyone to have a good time. It just so happens making use of my hobby is a good way to send his support,” Deere said, looking smugly pleased with the praise for his confections. “And the secret is just soooo much butter. It’s really more of a--”

“Ahh, ganache,” Gula nodded knowingly. “It’s still so light, though! I’m not much of a pastry guy, but the one time I tried making ganache it was the type of thing that lays you out for a day.”

The group watched Gula and Deere talk the way someone might watch a fascinating pinball match. It seemed like every time Deere brought up some technical aspect of his cooking, Gula had an immediate and intelligent response to it, the two discussing cooking with a scientific expertise that became borderline magic to those not in the know. 

Savannah took a bite of her slice of the first aid kit, and stared at the piece in wonder, “...I should be a good sibling. Go show the others.” She whispered, staring at the piece.

“......you can finish your pastry before you have to be a good sibling,” Kaito whispered to her.

She made an eager, happy sound, digging back in again. 

“Goodness, we have another chef among us,” Selka eventually smiled, clapping her hands together, “You two should make something together! Gula, Deere is a master in the kitchen, I’m sure he could still teach you a trick or two, though you sound like quite an expert yourself! How divine~”

“Ha, well,” Gula grinned, scratching the back of his head in bashful pride, “I dunno about expert, but I’m not half bad. When I got into sports and had to consider what I was eating more I found cooking pretty interesting, so it’s more, like, necessity stuff than high cuisine.”

“You sound like you know your stuff, regardless,” Deere shrugged. “I’ve only had the luxury of having kitchens to myself recently, but sharing with someone who knows what they’re doing is a different matter. And it’s nice having an excuse to make more than just the king’s meals. Are you far from the castle?”

“Staying there for now, actually,” Gula smirked, “And I’ve cooked in the upstairs kitchens too, if you’re getting at that. And, actually… If you’re down, a friend of mine who’s into cooking too is staying there as well, if a real chef wouldn’t mind passing along some tips.”

“When I can schedule the time,” Deere agreed, before he gave Selka a small shrug. “I wasn’t sure I’d come by at all today; I’m sorry for missing your sermon, Selka, I’m sure you did a wonderful job.”

“She did great!” Kaito said at the same time as Selka said, “I did great!”

The two glanced at each other, before Kaito chuckled, “Though, do me the honor of debating with me over a drink if you should be mentioning the demon stuff here. It really doesn’t mean the same thing here.”

“I am certain I cannot debate with a Momota prince scripture… but, yes, you may treat me to a drink. You are welcome.” Selka said, Kaito laughing again at that.

“I should go find my siblings,” Savannah said, looking much more dignified now that her hands weren’t covered in pastry, standing up and bowing to the group, “Thank you for escorting me, Gula.”

“He’s cute, right?” Kaito smirked.

“Gah!” Savannah gasped, sputtering something before stomping her foot and then hurrying off.

“Heheheheh, I’m an asshole.” Kaito snickered, watching the acolyte run away.

-

They weren’t doing ‘shifts’ anymore for watching Miyako. If anything, as Miyako got bigger and bigger, standing and hopping around in her crib and babbling earnestly while pointing persistently to things she wanted–since Dad always had Angry Lady untangling her tethers, and Daddy always untethered her himself, and Dada always took away anything she got through tethering him no matter how much she screamed–the three were having much more serious conversations about when it was time to start using the nursery. 

“I mean, I think I literally always had a nursery,” Kaito had argued as he got the bed ready for the three to sleep in, wanting Miyako in the nursery sooner mostly because he thought it was time she started to learn to self-soothe, “Yes, I know, before you say it, I had a thousand nannies, but I don’t think they slept in my room with me.”

“Kaito, I remember your mother saying she frequently switched out your nannies so you ‘wouldn’t get attached’, and I remember you saying days would go by without you ever seeing her because she didn’t feel like letting you into her chambers,” Shuichi said dryly, putting on his pajamas, “You are not the ‘healthy standard’. Besides, having a nursery is a luxury. I don’t remember my parents ever talking about it, for as little as I remember them at all, but I do remember the house, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t have my own room even at 6. Sharing space with your parents doesn’t make you dependent, it’s just convenience.”

“That’s true, but sharing space with your parents still means that there’s an emotional milestone in learning to self-soothe,” Kokichi sighed, picking up some of Miyako’s toys from around the room to make sure there weren’t any trip hazards during half-asleep bathroom trips. “Or, I guess I mean emotional regulation. No way Mi-Mi’s gonna be a pro at that for years, but kids learning to self-regulate little by little as they get older is important. I hope she’ll always want to ask for help and come to us if she’s scared or lonely and stuff like that, but I think her being able to recognize that ‘feeling bad’ isn’t ‘feeling like the world’s ending’ is an important place to get to.”

Glancing up at his husbands, Kokichi gave them a guilty grin. “...and it’d be kinda nice having our room more to ourselves again. Even if we do just bring her back here during the day.”

“But I don’t think that has to happen soon,” he shrugged, “She’d be able to ping us, but I don’t think Miyako has the recognition and communication skills to internalize that her nursery’s hers, and what that means, and to be able to call for us in any way that isn’t just ‘feeling bad crying’. I think it’d just be something scary without us being able to explain it to her right now.”

“Maaaan, I almost thought I had gotten you on Team Nursery,” Kaito pouted at that last bit, though despite everything, he was the one to go check in Miyako’s crib as they wound down. She was already snoozing, a stranglehold on Little Lamb. “Night-Night, little Miya. Pleeeease sleep through the night tonight. Dad did not enjoy our game of fetch last night, he’s not doing it agaaaain,” Kaito warned her in a soft, sing-song voice, lightly petting her hair as he recalled Miyako throwing things out of her crib and refusing to stop shouting until Kaito went to retrieve them, only to throw them out again. 

Not the first time she’s played that game. First time it was at midnight though. Kaito was less than amused. 

He still leaned down to kiss her head anyway, before trotting back to the bed. “Look, I’ll concede if it’s two against one, but if Miyako is still sleeping with us at 6, Shuichi, I’m moving into the nursery.”

“Deal.” Shuichi said, laying down.

“Deal–wait, what deal? That’s not a ‘deal’. That’s a threat. Shuichi?”

“You can probably fit in the toddler bed if you scrunch, Kaito,” Shuichi said idly, eyes closed.

“Kokichi, control your husband.” Kaito grumbled.

“It is a comfy bed,” Kokichi hummed in consideration, worming his way up the bed next to Shuuichi. “Honestly I might move there, though it’s not exactly good cuddling size, which would be a major bummer. But I could look at my paintings all the time and wake up to beautiful, animal-filled fields… It’s a toughie.”

Nuzzling against Shuuichi’s shoulder, Kokichi sighed. “I would miss Shuu-chan a lot, though… And he’d miss my ice pack hands in the summer.”

“I’m willing to negotiate that Kaito and Miyako both move into the nursery, and you can paint our room a nice animal field,” Shuichi said, adjusting himself to better nuzzle with Kokichi.

“So I end up the only one sleeping with Miyako every night?” Kaito realized.

“Yes, you get it,” Shuichi smirked, eyes still closed, “Good night.”

“Yeah, yeah, good night. You’re doing midnight-fetch next time,” Kaito grumbled, wrapping his arm around Kokichi and Shuichi, closing his eyes. 

Come ooooon…come oooooooon… full night’s sleep staaaarting…

Now!

-

Kaito opened his eyes and saw the equally unexpected but still familiar image of a clocktower. “...oh, what the fuck.”

( ◎⃝⃘ ) = ( ◎⃝⃘ )

( ◎⃝⃘ ) o ( ◎⃝⃘ )

Okay, so, hear me out.

-

“Oh! Wait? Amaina, are we playing tonight!?” Arven called up to the moon, having given his surroundings in the idyllic town square of Sunrise Village a bewildered look before recognizing it, “I thought you said we had to pause for health stuff?”

( ◎⃝⃘ ) = ( ◎⃝⃘ )

We had to pause to give one of our players some time to recover.

-

“Recover? What, someone have an accident?” Xaldin wondered, leaning out of the tower to watch the moon.

“She’s talking about your boyfriends,” Vexen said, a touch disapproving, “Did you not make that connection? Even asked for the games to pause until the two could play again.”

“Even did? Actually, yeah, he would put a game involving fifty people on pause for one of us. Just the right amount of sweet and utterly self-important,” Xaldin chuckled, before giving Vexen a wink, “You like that? ‘Self-important’. Heard Isa use that one the other day.”

“I am begging you to read literally any book, Xaldin.” 

“Over Dilan’s dead body.”

-

( ◎⃝⃘ ) = ( ◎⃝⃘ )

But it loooooks like they’re doing better? So.

( ◎⃝⃘ ) O ( ◎⃝⃘ )

Welcome back to Termina!!!

-

Naturally, Marluxia didn’t acknowledge a thing.

-

Lauriam groaned, burying his face in the sand he was about to be dragged over again. Maybe he should just let these thugs kill him. Better than having to confront LITERALLY ANYONE who now knew their game had been delayed because of him! THANKS, AMAINA!

Maybe no one would ask?

…who was he kidding, like half the people here knew what he and Marluxia had gone through, no way that was staying under wraps. 

❀╥﹏╥ How humiliating…

-

That despondency was gone in an instant as Lauriam furiously struggled against his bindings, eyes closed against the spray of sand whipping past him as the moped he was tied to traveled deeper and deeper into the desert.

“So, did da boss say how far he wanted us to be going out with the fish?” one of the taller goons asked, the Head Goon riding on the back of his moped, the third goon riding his own moped not far off. Both of their mopeds with massive, wide wheels, good for the sand.

“He wants plausible deniability. We go as far as we can get without bumping into big, mean, and ugly,” Head Good said, before his brow furrowed in confusion, “Ey, why call him a ‘fish’?”

“Maybe because we got him hook, line, and sinker? Literally on a string?” the third goon guessed, glancing over his shoulder at Lauriam, the man being dragged behind the moped by chain. 

“Nah, because he’s gonna be ‘sleeping with the fishes’,” first goon said.

“Right, riiiiiight… doesn’t feel super relevant in the desert though.” Head Goon said, “Kind of sounds like nonsense here. We ain’t got no fishes. Don’t think you can even buy fish in any neighboring towns.”

“Also, he’d still just be sleeping with fishes. Doesn’t mean he’s a fish himself,” Third Goon pointed out.

“I feel like you all are dissecting the ‘fish’ thing too much,” Second Goon huffed, “Can we just bury this idiot soon and be heading back? This place is a death trap.”

“Yeah, let’s just go a little further. Ain’t seen any of the markers yet, Radahn should still be a bit further out–the fuck? You all seeing that?”

The three goons gave the view in a distance a bewildered look… before curiosity forced them to drive towards the sun umbrella plopped up in the sand, a man lounging on a folding lawn chair, straw hat and sunglasses on, slathered in sunscreen that looked bright against his dark skin, a half dug hole next to him and his large moped, as the man looked up curiously from his book at the approaching mopeds. 

“Oh! Hail and hearty! Didn’t think I’d see anyone this far off the path! Always fun to see fellow explorers!” Dilan called cheerfully, “Oh, careful driving through here though. I have a few holes still dug in the area, didn’t think there’d be a hurry to fill them.”

“...the hells?” Head Goon said, hopping off the moped and giving the man a bewildered look, “You just ‘hanging out’ out here? The hell are you doing out here?”

“Following rumors of a secret graveyard!” Dilan said excitedly, sitting up and pulling a map out from behind his back, opening it up to show the goons, “I document and explore burials sites, and I’ve been assured by a source I trust that there’s a virtually unknown but active burial site out here! No markers though, which is curious. It’s made finding the site itself fairly difficult, but I think I’m getting close! I’ve heard rumors that it’s even still active with some tribes, for special occasions!”

“...are we a tribe?” Goon Two whispered to Goon Three, who shrugged.

For a moment, all Lauriam had been able to do was catch his breath around his gag as the goons stopped. His body adjusting from the constant abrasion of the sand sloughing and cutting into him, and even with rage and mortal fear pumping adrenaline through him, he knew he’d need to gather all his strength in a moment to fight back as they moved hi--

…were they just chatting with someone?!?

“MMMRG!!!” Lauriam screamed around his gag. “FFFMPH!!!”

(Honestly he wasn’t even sure he was calling for help. If those low-lifes had casually stopped, then Lauriam couldn’t expect that the new voice was an ally. But maybe it was his sheer incredulity at the situation that burned up his throat anyway.)

…okay, Laurie. Your magic is volatile at the best of times, but now would be a real good time for:

BOOM!!

Metal chain links went flying past the curls of sunset orange petals, and Lauriam didn’t hesitate before pushing himself up. The bloodied, soot-covered, sandy fury staggering before he lunged at the nearest goon.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Dilan asked, looking in concern around the goons at the shout.

“Nothing, unless you wanna be sleeping with the fishes,” Goon Two said.

“Again, I feel like considering where we are, that phrase is borderline nonsense–GAH!”

The three goons gasped as chain links whipped past or beat at their backs, staggering as they turned to see the threat coming at them. “The hell, who last put a dampener on him!? Oh, fuck!” 

But the Head Goon, who was taking out his gun–wildly rare weapons in the world, mostly because they weren’t reliably well made, and you tended to find out the hard way if the one you had bought was going to explode in your hand or not–didn’t manage to get off a single shot before Lauriam was on him, the gun flying into the sand as he shouted, “Don’t just stand there, get ‘em!”

Goon Two took out a chain that he spun in the air like a lasso, aiming it for Lauriam’s neck, while Goon Three took out a mallet. 

Dilan watched all of this with a small “Oh,” sound, inching closer to the gun that had fallen into the sand.

No weapons, magic he could barely rely on, but there was one thing Lauriam always had in spades. The thing that protected his friends in disputes and demanded fair treatment for the other miners and refiners, the thing that pushed Lauriam through every grueling day. 

Sheer grit. 

Punching the Head Goon again, Lauriam wrapped his arm around the fucker’s neck in a chokehold and tucked himself forward. Flipping the goon up, he let the body collide with the lasso chain before letting the goon go and rolling forward out of the way of Goon Three’s mallet. 

Gulping in a breath, he reached out, wild sunset tendrils shooting up from the ground to slap themselves around Goon Three.

“No! Fuck! Get off!” Goon Three shouted, the vines pulling and dragging at him, at first just seeming like they were going to pull him to his knees, until his boots disappeared beneath the sand, then his knees, and as he took in another breath to shout, disappeared beneath the sand entirely–

-

“Ienzo, for your stats thing, Lauriam just got the third NPC kill of the game,” Alter Ego called out from the screen he was watching.

“Do the undead Linnea killed the first game not count?” Temp asked.

“We’re counting those as ‘monsters’, not NPCs.”

“Unsurprising… He’s likely letting off some steam this game,” Ienzo mused, noting the kill. “Thank you. And while it may seem a bit callous in terms of our own world, the undead were created under the monster category. Philosophizing too much may take some of the fun out of enemy designs.”

-

Letting out a shaky breath, Lauriam spat blood into the sand before he turned, judging the situation before he ran at Goon Two, who could just let go of the chain to attack him next. 

Head Goon groaned on the ground, rolling up as he saw Goon Two just standing there, staring at a now empty sandspot. “You idiot! Attack him!”

Goon Two hurried to pull out the chain from under the Head Goon, whipping it over his head again as he aimed it at Lauriam, whipping it down to try to hit at Lauriam’s legs as the man ran at him.

Lauriam could only bare his teeth and snarl as he was forced to dodge to the side, almost comically throwing a handful of sand at Goon Two, likely ineffective, but one of the only things Lauriam had at his disposal. Unfortunately, the chain still clipped one of Lauriam’s ankles, forcing him to stagger to a stop as he let out a pained gasp. 

The goon did have to turn his head away as the sand blew up into his eyes, but he let out a victorious laugh as he stepped forward, raising up his chain again as he said, “For my brudda, you’s gonna be sleeping with the–”

Plop. 

Dilan, looking wide eyed between the two, had tossed the gun at Lauriam. The goon giving him an outraged look, as Dilan put up his hands and stepped back, saying, “I’m non-violent!”

For one dangerous moment, Lauriam could only give Dilan a bewildered look, before he came to his senses and grabbed the gun. Unhesitatingly aiming at the goon and pulling the trigger. 

Lauriam’s aim was true, and Goon Two barely had time to gasp before the bullet ripped through his heart, and he collapsed in the sand.

“Don’t think you’re off the hook yet! Next time I find you!? You’re a fish!” The Head Goon, seeing the writing on the wall, called from one of the mopeds before roaring it to life, zooming out into the sands. 

The muzzle of the gun immediately trained on the retreating figure of the Head Goon.

…before Lauriam dropped it in the sand with a sigh, letting himself flop back too, staring exhaustedly at the grand canvas of the desert night sky. He was still bleeding, probably. The way his ankle was throbbing was concerning. 

He pulled the gag out of his mouth. “...if you’re non-violent, then can I assume I can lie here for a sec?” he asked the stranger, voice rough and raw.

“You can lay there for as many minutes as you like. That was impressive! And terrifying!” Dilan said, glancing over at the dead goon with a frown, before dismissing him as he looked back to Lauriam, “I do hope I put my bet on the right person. Gods forgive me if they were trying to get rid of some sort of terrible town serial killer or some such. You would be so good as to give a man a warning, yes?”

“Metal refinement, Quarry,” Lauriam dully answered who he was, breathing chilled air like it was going out of style. “We just had a cave-in in the mines… The dumbass leech that calls itself our Baron was going to send people back in to keep working when we hadn’t even gotten everyone out. Told him to eat shit.”

Lauriam sucked in a shaky breath. “...can imagine Radahn’s not exactly close if you’re out here, but…any phone booths nearby? My friends…” He trailed off. 

He’d been a bit out of it, dragged behind a moped and hazily waking up from however the goons had knocked him out in the first place, but… Lauriam locked eyes with the giant grimacing moon right above. He really didn’t think he’d imagined all that. 

So his initial plan of calling his friends, trying to get back home… What was the point? Work just…didn’t matter anymore. The day to day struggles didn’t matter. He wanted to let them know he was alright, of course, but everyone was going to die unless…

He was in the desert. The Starscourge’s desert. 

…maybe it’d be kinder for them to assume he was already gone and not have to worry about him trying something stupid. They’d chew him out for even considering going up against Radahn. 

Lauriam couldn’t tell if it was fear, bloodloss, shock, or exposure that trembled through him as he whispered a small, “Fuck.”

“Radahn? Hah, unless that ancient god is out here wandering the sands, no, I imagine we wouldn’t stumble across him. Could you imagine?” Dilan laughed, shaking his head, before wincing as the shuddering ‘fuck’ that came out of the man, “You’re in a terrible state. Let’s get you patched up before we think about getting you to a phone, yeah? Hold on, I have a medkit in my bike.”

Dilan went to fetch said medkit, before sitting down with Lauriam, wincing again as he opened up the box. “Oooph, where to start… let’s put some ointment on those rashes, hmm? Fighting off a baron exploiting your town though! That’s pretty heroic. I’d maybe let yourself recover a little before you go off to finish the job, Mr. Hero.”

Lauriam blinked. His eyebrows scrunching as he shared a look with the moon. …what?

Shakily pushing himself up, his muscles feeling like jelly, Lauriam watched Dilan with another totally bewildered look. Non-violent, but totally willing to throw a gun to a stranger, not all that freaked out by fresh corpses, somehow??? Didn’t know about the gods?

Was willing to give a violent stranger medical aid? Mr. Hero, huh…

“...Laurie,” Lauriam said softly, weirdly feeling a little shy as Dilan sat with him. “Lauriam, really, but…everyone calls me Laurie. Less stuffy, I guess.”

Giving Dilan a slightly concerned look, Lauriam asked, “Did you not hear the moon earlier? I think I was fighting off a concussion and I still heard.”

“...did I ‘hear’ the moon?” Dilan frowned, giving the man–Laurie. Cute–a concerned look, rubbing some of the rash ointment into some bandages before indicating for Lauriam to show him his injuries to start wrapping them, “Honestly, I’m a little surprised it’s night time, or at least the sun is setting. Only meant to rest with a good book for a moment, took a bit of a snooze–the fuck is that!?”

Dilan looked up at the moon, his whole body jerking in alarm as he realized, “When did the moon get eyes!? Oh no… that cannot be a coincidence… Here, wrap yourself for a moment, I need to check on something!”

Dilan passed Lauriam the medkit before scrambling to his bike. Murmuring to himself as he pulled out an assortment of seemingly random items. A few large jars that if they weren’t urns in that moment had clearly once been urns, one of them popping open when they fell into the sand to show a few assortments of different kinds of cookies spilling out. Some interesting and rusted jewels. A person’s skull. 

But Dilan let out a small triumphant sound as he pulled out a book, blowing some sand off of it, before looking at the cover with a frown, then up at the moon, then back at the cover… “This is a dead ringer, yes?” Dilan wanted to confirm, showing Lauriam the cover of the book. Which was a leather bound tome, with a perfect circle embedded into the leather, within that circle a grimacing, wide-eyed, toothy face. “I found this in one of the false crypts of Ranni. It seems to be mostly fictional tales about the gods. I’ve been transcribing it from its ancient glyphs here and there, but I haven’t been doing it with much urgency, since it’s mostly full of nonsense. Such as talking about a false god, Rher, who… steals the moon’s place in the sky…”

Finally taking proper stock of himself, Lauriam sighed at the state of his shoulder. Probably better than having been dragged on his back, but he was surprised his whole arm didn’t feel dead. Well, he guessed sleeveless shirts were still functional… 

Ripping off the ruined sleeve to expose the rashy, bloodied mess of his left upper arm, Lauriam accepted the ointment-covered bandage to start wrapping it. Just shaking his head a little as Dilan scampered off. Imagine. Missing the announcement of the end of the world because you took a nap. 

Nodding at the book, Lauriam softly sighed before he gave Dilan a gently imploring look. “Look, I can guess I’ll sound just as crazy to you as you do to me--Radahn is, actually, just roaming the sands. That’s why being out in the desert is a deathwish. The gods are just around, people know where they are, it’s just always been a terrible idea to try to find them.”

Frowning, Lauriam tried to implore, “A few hours ago? The moon opened its eyes and spoke. Said the ‘Termina Festival’ was happening, and if people don’t go out and get these ‘artifacts’, whatever that means, from the gods, it’s the end of the world.” That said, Lauriam took a more curious look at the book in Dilan’s hands. “...whatever  fairytales you think are in that book of yours…I’d bet on them being more real than you think.”

“What? No… look, I’ve traveled all over this continent. Sure, you hear about gods ‘roaming the earth’ all of the time. They’re up Mt. Gelmir, ‘creating’ the smoke and fire, like it’s not a literal volcano,” Dilan scoffed, “Or they’re ‘living in’ Leyndell GreatTree, which is why it glows, like smaller glowing trees don’t litter Corona already. Don’t get me wrong, the gods are real, of course. But they’re more ethereal than that. The way people describe them? They may as well be mortals, just wandering around and acting near animalistic, which doesn’t sound very godly to me. And like I said, I’ve been everywhere. I’d have seen one by… now…”

Dilan trailed off, looking down at his feet. The wind had started to pick up, bringing up the sand, and the sky, instead of turning the dark blues the sunset purples should have given way to by now, sprinkling in stars, had started to turn blood red. The ground shaking in little, even rhythms. Bang. Bang. Bang.

It was almost like… footsteps…

As the desert storm picked up, out of the red sand walked a figure. At first just another person wandering the wasteland in the distance. Until with each little earth-shaking ‘bang’ the figure got bigger. And bigger. And bigger.

Out of the desert, walked the god Radahn. Heading straight for them.

Sure, the gods creating smoke and fire was a bit fantastical to describe a volcano…but it wasn’t like Messmer’s troops didn’t add to the destruction, and the ‘time-burning hatred’ of Rykard didn’t factor into Mt. Gelmir at all, only that it happened to be where Rykard was. And if Lauriam could prove anything with his Wild Magic, it was that magic made plants glow, and what was a bigger sign of divinity within the GreatTree than even other trees nearby glowing too? As if Malenia’s rotting disease plaguing the lands wasn’t enough.

But even as Lauriam was taking a breath to try and convince Dilan--sure, sure, even if all that was due to ethereal gods, then how was the MOON SPEAKING?!--the ground started to shake and Lauriam’s eyes widened in panic. His already shot nerves starting to flood again. 

Lauriam couldn’t have told you what he thought Radahn looked like, if you asked him before tonight. All the legends said ‘big’. A warrior. 

A giant 30 feet tall clad in armor with braided red hair streaming behind him like a dying star hurtling towards him was not in his imagination. 

“Go, go, go, go, we’ve gotta get out of here!” Lauriam panickedly breathed to Dilan. A plan in his head to challenge the Starscourge or no, Lauriam wasn’t about to do it injured and without a weapon. Staggering on his injured ankle as he threw himself up, Lauriam dashed over to Dilan’s set-up, throwing the scattered items Dilan had thrown out before back in his packs before desperately looking at the goons’ abandoned moped, hoping they’d left the key in.

“That is a very big person,” Dilan murmured, quickly folding up his lawn chair and throwing it into the back of his bike, glancing at the moped the goons had come in on before saying, “Forget that thing, it’s a off-road MP-4143, they’re the cheapest type on the market. Just get on my bike with me!”

“Oh, so he knows the exact make of a ‘ped but not that there’s a god in the desert,” Lauriam muttered, but didn’t spurn the gift he was thrown. He…didn’t know why this guy was being so kind to him. Choosing to be on his side in the fight, sharing supplies, now sharing an escape when, and though Lauriam really wasn’t an engine guy, he knew more weight on the moped would slow them down at least some amount.

But with a god hot on their trail, he couldn’t afford too much suspicion. And really not, as Lauriam’s ankle gave in just as he made it back to Dilan’s moped, half-collapsing against the guy. 

“They say Radahn can manipulate gravity, enough that he declared war on the stars,” Lauriam warned Dilan, “Choose whatever part of that to be fable, but we need to get as far away from him as we can!”

“I don’t have an extra set of goggles, so press your face against my back,” Dilan said, plopping a helmet down on Lauriam’s head, before putting goggles on himself, revving the engine, “And hold on!” 

Mopeds were common, these days. You saw them everywhere. They were quick, versatile, and some of them were notably powerful.

This was something else entirely, as the bike roared to life, sand kicking up like a tornado at its heels as Dilan peeled off through the sandbank. Faster than anything Lauriam, or most anyone, had ever seen outside of a train. 

But even that power was struggling, as the sand around them continued to rise. Dilan able to feel the weightlessness practically chasing them, like a hand reaching out to lift them into the sky. A distant roar of anger coming from the being in the distance, as briefly, the back of Dilan’s wheels lifted off the ground… but Dilan lifted himself up and thumped his ass back down onto the seat, jerking the bike back against the ground, just long enough for the back wheels to get the traction they needed as they raced off, the weightlessness leaving them, as the two seemed to get past whatever barrier was starting to surround them. Escaping into the wasteland. 

-

The end of the world, huh?

And it sounded like there were only a few tickets out. 

-

It was more or less mandatory for the citizens of Corona to stand in observance of the bonfires. A few were caught up in fervent zeal, hoping that this time, this batch of unfortunate ailing into the pyres would finally root out the rot for good. 

They were a vast minority. 

For the most part, if you didn’t show up among the crowds, the Inquisition would take that as a damning sign that you had contracted the rot and were hoping to hide it. So people showed up. 

But that didn’t mean that they lingered, and after the screams from the bonfires died and the embers licked into the night, people hurried back into their homes, hoping that they’d survive the next day. And that left the holy folk as the only ones out and about as they waited for the fires to die and cleaned up the mess. 

Well, they weren’t the only ones. 

A dark figure, lithe and quick like a shadow struck quickly, a snake wrapping around Hao’s arm and sinking its fangs into his flesh. 

“Try not to scream, little priest,” a low, soft feminine voice warned, “You’ll only use more energy than you can afford right now.”

Hao gasped… before letting out a soft little moan, as he put his hands together and looked up fondly at the GreatTree, embers from the pyres still dotting the air like dancing fireflies. “Is it my time to rot for our goddess? I know everyone fears it, but I’ve heard theories that the madness is its own sort of bliss. I don’t fear the fires enough to resist a god’s blessing…”

“If that’s what you wish,” the voice said indifferently, a cloaked figure joining it, only bright gold eyes gleaming from under the hood. “But you’re going to rot right in front of her if so. Otherwise, you’re going to slowly choke under the effects of a venom having nothing to do with her. The choice is yours, little priest.”

“I’m a little less excited to die, if it’s not a blessing,” Hao admitted, sighing a touch disappointedly, letting his hands lower as he gazed over at the cloaked figure, his expression calm, but something almost a touch offended in his lowered gaze. His skin starting to warm with fever as he asked, “If I have a choice, I’d prefer to live. What is the bargain?”

“You’re going to lead me into the GreatTree,” Invi said, declaring her terms. “The Inquisition prohibits approaching it, as a divine site, but those aren’t just words. There are arcane wards keeping people at bay. Secrets only they know. So you’re going to lead me inside, and you won’t die a pointless, godless death.”

Hao paused, considering her proposal. After a moment, he tried, “I’m merely a boy, only just 16 this last summer. A priest, certainly, but you don’t think they’d give the secrets of the arcane to a child, would you? A child you’ve condemned to death…” Hao reached up to rub a few tears from his eyes, sniffling.

There was a faint sound as Invi gave Hao an unamused, unfooled look. Almost like the sound of sliding scales. “That would work better if you didn’t stop to think about it first, kid.”

“And the son and protege of Head Priestess Khaz is not simply a child. You took up the mantle of training long enough ago to know more than what I’d need, as if your own zealous curiosity wouldn’t have driven you to the secret regardless.”

“Come.” Invi half-turned, starting to lead the way. “That absurd moon didn’t give a time-limit, but most contracts don’t enjoy being left waiting.”

“It’s always an honor to be taken seriously in your career,” Hao said, the tears disappearing immediately as he walked with Invi, his footsteps soft, but still somehow plodding in comparison to the silent way she moved, “Do be kind and move slowly, fearful assassin. I can feel my body being ravaged by the poison already. If you happened to have your cure with you, I’d be able to more surely lead you inside without my vision fading in and out…”

“Assassin. Cute,” Invi hummed, confident as she walked through the dark, quiet streets towards the edge of town. But not overconfident. Ever aware of others moving in the shadows, or those taking a foolish walk otherwise. “And not until we’re far out of range of you calling your allies. If you start to falter, I do have ways of keeping you moving, but I’m not about to give away the only reason you’ll aid me.”

“Surely my terror and awe of your abilities would keep me obedient and compliant. Certainly that is the only way to compel loyalty and submission,” Hao said, this time the sarcasm plain in his voice, the two heading up the street stairs that led them closer to the bridges that lead to the land the GreatTree was perched on, “And what a majestic and inspiring god you’ll make, assassin. Truly worth killing our current gods for, to raise you to power. All hail… Snakey McSnake-Face. We will live in a golden age.”

“You’d know that best, little priest. Obviously Coronans respect the Inquisition enough to give up every bit of freedom in their lives to follow their dictations. Burning people alive nightly is just a wise decision everyone agrees to, certainly with no fear of it themselves,” Invi shot back, her voice dispassionate. 

“The gods will die. There is no worth in considering it,” she said, gold gaze giving the tree a determined look for a moment before she resumed checking their surroundings. “The only choice any of us have is deciding if we want to try surviving what their deaths will cause. And I’ve made mine.”

“The city wouldn’t allow us to burn ourselves, if there wasn’t a part of all of us that believed in the cause,” Hao said, staring up at the tree as the two started their journey across the bridge, “That is how deep our faith runs, that we risk the pyres every night. Otherwise? Myself and my father’s heads, along with all of our peers, would have long since been plunged to spikes, as a warning to others.”

“Look,” Hao whispered, bowing his head respectfully as the two walked past small groups that had formed on the bridge, all bowing and giving worship to the tree, their hands clasped together and raised towards it as they whispered for hope and mercy from their goddess, “Even now, we are joined together by our faith. Malenia will not fail us. I have no fears, bringing you into her domain. It will be an honor, dying in her fumes, watching her defeat her challengers.”

“Perhaps, even just briefly, she will gaze upon my wretched form… what an experience, that would be,” Hao whispered. The red blossoming on his skin not merely the venom ravaging him. “What an exciting way to die.”

Briefly, Invi gave Hao a glance. There was faith, sure. Hard not to have it when they could see the influence of their goddess every day. 

But then there was zealotry. And what filled her coffers weren’t hidden notes about the splendor of Malenia’s power. There was always a reason the violent, the exploitative, the cruel ruled, and it was never appealing to the masses’ greater reasoning. It was harnessing fear, and stoking it further by getting rid of those who would turn on them. The Faith of Malenia was no different in that regard.

“Hold onto that hope, kid,” Invi could only say. “If your choice is to make peace with that, so be it. And I very well may lose my challenge. But I will not die without trying to live.”

Hao smiled lightly. It’d certainly be interesting to watch her try.

-

“Okay, so… so what? The plan is to give an offering to the tree, and then Malenia won’t…?” Axel trailed off, looking warily over at Sora, who was knelt next to him right at the base of the tree. 

They were the only two there, because this was an insane thing to do. The madness fumes that came off the tree were strongest this close to it, even the most faithful of worshippers wouldn’t dare go any closer than the bridge in their prayers. The two of them were basically just sitting in the most dangerous area in Corona, not because either of them were particularly devout, but because, well…

Sora just always had to try, as he smiled uncertainly, holding a bowl with a half-rotted rat inside of it. “Die? Or maybe kill all of us in vengeance if someone does attack her. I heard before we started burning everyone that this used to be how we prayed to her, bringing corpses as offerings. Um… I don’t know. I wasn’t sure what else to try. She’s never been the most… forgiving goddess… someone has to ask for mercy, right? If someone attacks her? For everyone’s sake.”

“Okay, but what does even ‘killing’ a god mean? Isn’t that counter intuitive? I thought the whole thing about gods is they’re immortal.” Axel frowned, looking up at the tree. “How do you ‘kill’ a god?”

“Stab them?” Sora reasoned.

“I’d actually be genuinely annoyed if it was that easy. The hells we’ve been letting her poison everyone into madness and burning people this whole time if we could have just stabbed her ages ago,” Axel asked… before warily looking around, “No offence. Please have mercy on us. And stuff.”

“I’ll take responsibility,” Sora assured Axel, who scoffed as his young friend squared his shoulders, looking up at the tree, “Great Malenia! I’m Sora Dareka! And I give an offering of rot to say… it’s my fault, if we upset you! I can take responsibility! Please spare the city! We’re good people!”

“We’re okay people.” Axel said.

“We try our best!” Sora called up to the tree, “And we haven’t taken up the moon’s offering! If anyone does… well! I mean, you spread madness fumes… it’s probably that, a little bit! No offense!”

“Man, I am really banking on the idea that she is not actually paying attention to prayers,” Axel muttered, “Maybe we have gone mad. This is insane.”

“It might be the more old fashioned kind of insanity, if you are,” Invi said, having decided the two by the tree weren’t threats after listening to that whole spiel. Anyone right by the trunk of the GreatTree was suspicious, and honestly ones that weren’t trying to get inside were even moreso. But whatever these two’s deals were, Invi didn’t have time to figure out the depth of it. 

Her cloaked head nodding slightly, Invi prompted Hao, “You’re up.”

“Oh, woah! Hey, behind me,” Axel insisted, grabbing Sora and putting himself in front of teen as the two got up, staring at… oh fuck… “That’s Priest Hao. We’re so dead,” he muttered, making himself bigger to try to block view of Sora entirely as he said, “Hey! Sup! Nothing happening here! Just a… a non-insane stroll around the tree!”

“Your faith in these trying times is beautiful… if also very blatant signs of madness. If we all survive this, I will be both enchanted by the devotion I saw today, and also probably recommend you for the pyre,” Hao admitted, Axel shivering at Hao’s sincere, warm smile, “But we’re all likely to not survive these next few moments regardless. So don’t let that alarm you.”

“Kay, sure, I’ll try not to,” Axel said, stepping back, forcing Sora to step back with him as Hao approached the tree, “Sora, we need to run tonight.”

“Wait, look at what he’s doing,” Sora whispered, looking around Axel, the two watching Hao lift his hands to the bark. 

“Perhaps I’m selfish, self-centered… I can’t help but be excited, despite bringing danger to your doorstep. I’ve always imagined this moment,” Hao whispered, running his hand down the runes embedded into the bark like burn marks, before closing his eyes and whispering, “Concede nobis aditum, ut devorentur, et unum cum mundo simus. Iungamus circulum, et divini simus in domo Dei Putredinis.”

Sora and Axel couldn’t follow that at all, but whatever Hao said, it seemed to do the trick. The runes in the tree starting to burn red, as if they had just been freshly burnt into the bark, before the wood started to part. The tree opening like a gaping maw, dropping, giving the impression the tree was opening its mouth wide to devour them.

Axel tried to take a step back, but Sora pushed forward. “Sora, Sora, what are you doing!?”

“What? We can’t just leave. Everyone is in danger right now! We have to do something,” Sora insisted, “We have to try to help!”

“Help who!?” Axel murmured, anxiously watching Sora approach Priest Hao. 

“Never could tell the difference between madness and desperation,” Invi murmured to herself, watching the interaction between Hao and Axel. In fairness, Axel and Sora likely wouldn’t be able to walk away from the Leyndell GreatTree without infection, but their actions right now? Just people trying to survive. An act of humanity those blinded by faith looked at and thought barbaric. 

However, it seemed that Hao did keep his word. And when the maw just sat there, a doorway to survival and not some last trick, a gloved hand reached out and pressed a small bottle into Hao’s hand. “Enjoy death on your own terms, little priest.”

And with a silent swish, the cloaked figure started walking into the tree. 

…or, she would’ve, if not for–

“Halt, young conquerors. Push no further. The only reward for thine bravery is an early grave and a lost war.”

“Woah!” Sora gasped, trying to stumble backwards, but running immediately into Axel’s stomach and chest, Axel ‘oofing’ as Sora accidentally elbowed him in ribs, “Who are you!? How did you come from inside the tree!?”

“Oh man… you don’t think this could be…” Axel whispered, eyes widening in both fear and wonder.

But the hooded stranger shook her head, before lowering her hood. One eye burnt closed, the other softly glowed a golden hue, as faded curly pink hair fell back into place as she lifted her head. Her expression grim, but her voice soft as she said, “I am not the divine you imagined to find here. I am, very nearly, like you.”

Invi had immediately stiffened, a glint of metal flashing in her hand, but she had not immediately attacked. Her feet still where they were as she observed the woman who resided in the tree. 

“‘Very nearly’ is doing some heavy lifting, to imply that a mortal could survive sealed in the GreatTree unhindered for hundreds of years,” Invi said dryly, but her voice was not condescending as she asked, “And to what war is it you refer? This all seems more like an asinine contest than warfare.”

“We are fighting the oldest war of history. The War against Entropy,” Melina said, glancing up, above the mortals’ heads, gazing up into the sky, where the massive moon continued to grimace down at them, “The Trickster God Rher would like thou to believe he earned his name through games and mischief. That one might not look too closely at his motivations, beyond as thou hast observed, asinine contestery.” 

“But he earned his name as a deceiver, and a cunning mastermind to greater machinations,” Melina frowned, looking back to the others again, “And in order to expand the life of the world? He sacrifices the ones who actually live here. Burning the fields so that new crops may grow. Over. And over. And over.”

“It is not a trade I can stomach anymore,” Melina said, her tone still soft, but cold, “Why should all the beings of the earth be reduced to ash, so that only a select few can see it turn just a little longer. All things must die. The gods must have their turn.”

“...are you following any of this?” Axel whispered to Sora.

“I think she wants to kill the gods,” Sora whispered back, “But that’s kind of all I got from that. What’s ‘entropy’?”

“No idea.”

Invi was quiet for a time. The hood of her cloak tilting slightly to the side as sharp golden eyes observed the tree woman. There was no weariness in her body, and suspiciously, no rot, despite being in the epicenter of Malenia’s influence. But there was a fatigue that was the base of her justice. As she explained, a refusal to submit to a cycle they seemed to be at the whims of, and that fatigue fueled a quiet, but steely determination.

This woman would not stop until her goals were achieved. Invi could sense it. 

In all honesty, Invi didn’t care if all others in the world perished. She had been alone for a long time, and the only service she found in others was in the coin she was paid to see another day. However, it wasn’t like she didn’t see the use in cooperation, and as long as it meant that she would survive as well?

“Entropy is the concept of equilibrium,” Invi said, not turning towards Axel and Sora, but answering their question, “It’s ‘all things returning to zero’. She’s saying that our world was meant to find oblivion long ago, but Rher has countlessly traded the lives of the people of the world to extend its existence.”

Raising her head, Invi gave the woman a critical look. “Would the gods’ lives be enough instead of the rest of the people? Or are you aiming for true oblivion?”

“If you asked the gods? My aim is true oblivion,” Melina said simply.

“Oh, that sounds evil. Got it, she’s evil! Figured it out!” Axel grinned, giving Sora a thumbs up, who nodded in approval.

“But what thou must ask thine own self, if the timeline one marks the ‘death’ of the world, and whether thou dost deem it a fair trade for everyone thou hast ever known, and the memory of everyone who has ever been known,” Melina said.

“...um, okay,” Sora said, “How long would it take? For the world to die?”

“Thou wouldst mark the passage of time in the concept of millenia,” Melina said, “And thou wouldst count that millenia in the billions.”

“...wait, what?” Axel frowned, “Why would anyone need to extend that? That’s already crazy long!”

“The length is partly the effect of this cycle having gone on as long as it has,” Melina explained, “And the insistence of prolonging it, I believe, a result of the nature of Rher himself. The moon is a god unlike the rest of us. I do not know his origins, or his true nature. Giving it pronouns and a name and a form is likely its own act of hubris. But I suspect, based on his actions? He exists both at the beginning… and at the end. All at once.”

Even if it was a future for her alone, Invi was not about to give that up for someone else’s moral ideals. 

…but trading a future utterly disconnected from her present, for a continuous life unfathomably long?

Invi smirked. “You certainly know how to sell your plan better than the moon, I’ll give you that. And I’m not one to take warnings of certain death lightly, if there’s more caution to give than ‘don’t engage’. It seems you’ve had a long time to think. What’s your plan, maiden?”

-

Larxene, for the thousandth time, wondered what had compelled her to get into politics, of all things, as she glared in irritation at the pile of paperwork on her desk.

It was endless! It was like every person in the city needed her written permission to do every little damn thing, and worse than that, she strongly suspected most of these bastards weren’t actually waiting for government approval at all to start! Just doing their thing and sending her endless paperwork after the fact in case their dumbasses got caught doing X, Y, or Z and they could just say ‘oh, the paperwork was in the mail, we couldn’t have known you hadn’t signed it yet’. Bastards!

Larxene felt her left eye twitch in irritation as she read the proposal to put more funds into the Importation Teams–the hell did they need weapon upgrades for?? Wasn’t the last request to get them the highest grades on the market already??--and realized this was the third time already she had tried to read the proposal before her mind gave up in pure, bored repulsion.

This was NOT why she had wanted to be in the High Counsel! 

She had just wanted to be powerful and sexy! And to have her own endless string of pretty girls and boy toys to play with! What kind of bullshit was this, that after all the work and scheming and backstabbing she had done to get a legitimate position of power, now they were going to reward all of her hard work with more work??

“Gah! I need a break. And a drink,” Larxene grumbled, tossing the paperwork back on the desk, looking up to her personal maid and butler team, “Don’t bring me any more paperwork unless it’s something fun, like a request to open another cabaret, or a brothel. If I have to listen to one of these overly funded idiot groups whine to me about needing even more coin, I’m going to replace our need for the Importation Teams by just sacrificing all of them to Ranni! Got it!?”

Her butler–Henryk, a blond man who could cook well, had a helpful nature, and was just enough of a womanizer that Larxene enjoyed belittling him, up to and including ‘promoting’ him to a butler when he had been sent by his father to be her assistant–glanced over to his coworker, her maid–Reila, who Larxene couldn’t remember how she got her job and that was probably fine, she was cute in a frumpy kind of way–who gave him an uncertain look back.

“...Madam Larxene–”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

“--have you put any thought into how to react to the declaration of Termina?” Henryk asked with a frown, “The moon told everyone to kill the gods or the world’s going to end just a few hours ago. There’s panic almost everywhere you look right now. People are coating their doors in blood as if making emergency offerings to Ranni.”

“I’m fairly certain there’s a rumor going around that every family needs to sacrifice one of their own to survive what’s coming,” Reila chimed in, “Based on the old tales of sacrificing to the old gods. I don’t think it will help. People need to be told not to panic.”

“Let them panic a bit. We can collect the bodies in the morning for the Ranni rituals, save ourselves some funding for the damn extortionists calling themselves the Importation Teams.” Larxene huffed, leaning back in her chair, her slicked back blond hair slightly ruffled as she slumped in irritation. “...and I have to think more about what the damn moon meant. Killing the gods? What, killing Ranni? How is that even possible? Nor wise. Ranni’s magic is what keeps us safe from all the other asshole gods. What, wanna take our chances with Rykard, see how many of us he eats before he’s full? Maybe we’re cool with Malenia’s madness all of the sudden? Who knows what happened to Miquella’s people, everyone who goes to check never returns.” Larxene scoffed, shaking her head, “Ranni is a bitch who requires endless sacrifice, but at least she’s not turning that on us. So long as we keep bringing in bodies from the outside? She protects us. It’s damn near idyllic.”

“But Madam, the moon said the world would end–”

“If the moon told you to jump off a bridge, would you? Don’t answer, you’re going to say something stupid.” Larxene scoffed, getting up to look out the window. The usually warmly dark night sky now annoyingly bright, with the moon overtaken by whatever… that thing was. “...I need to talk to Ranni. She can guide us. I just need one damn conversation to clear this mess up…”

“...send a message to the mad Wizard Vexen,” Larxene said, glaring at the moon, “Tell him the High Counsel wants a word. Tell him it is not a request.”

-

So. This had turned into way more than just an attempt to escape their hometown. The moon had been so loud that they had been able to hear it above the howl of the storm, and the four of them had needed to have a genuine check-up to make sure no one was going snow-crazy. If they were, it was all four of them, so the only conclusion to go forward with was to just…accept that it was reality. 

The world was ending. And their only steps forward were--

“We’re practically going to be on Messmer’s doorstep anyway, it’s not like we headed south,” Marluxia grumbled into the on-going argument, the four adventurers huddling together to try and eat something without their fingers and faces freezing off. “We walk through this bullshit to find some dainty field to sit in for like a day then die, or we try to win.”

“I’d rather die in some cosmic boom in a pretty field than by Messmer’s soldiers,” Sam winced, “Yanno, painfully. Horrifically. Torn to bits, that sort of thing. Look, we know how to use weapons, but we’re not ‘have been in constant mortal battle for hundreds of years’ good! Dude, the most conflict we ever saw back home were hoarding raids, and a few guys smacking each other isn’t war.”

“I don’t… feel like we have a chance, fighting a god,” Riku admitted, brow furrowing, “But I also can’t imagine who would have a chance. We’re all probably equally hopeless. It might be worth trying just on the hope of a lucky shot, at least.”

“I didn’t leave home hoping to kill people,” Dimitri whispered, looking unbearably tired already, “Like Sam said, Messmer has soldiers. I just…knowing someone’s dead, when they didn’t have to be…”

“The moon said everyone was going to die if we don’t do this,” Riku frowned, “In a way, not trying is condemning way more people to death.”

“I didn’t leave home to be a coward,” Marluxia said, glaring at Dimitri and Sam. “Or to die. They said no one had ever left Scaduview. Well look fucking around!” he crowed, throwing both of his arms out to the tundra around them before quickly bringing them back, even that brief moment too cold, “Here we are! In the middle of buttfuck nowhere and alive! And if I have a choice, I’m not just going to lay down and die because something’s scary. If you’re dead you don’t have any choices anymore.”

“It’s not insane to not want to run straight for certain death!” Sam insisted, the normally easy-going guy looking weirdly intense. “None of us are cowards--we’re out here, man! But being willing to face a constant blizzard isn’t the same as being in a real battle! It’s not a chance, if we run into that war, we’re going to die!”

“You can’t know that!” Marluxia shot back, his voice raising in anger, “It’s not like some stat game; there’s always a chance to win!”

Riku look warily between the two… before his gaze caught something in the distance. 

Squinting, he stood up. Brushing off his goggles in case it was a trick of the snowflakes, peering out…

“...guys?” Riku said, “Are those… dogs?”

Dimitri followed Riku’s gaze… before immediately standing up. Bringing out his crossbolt, leveling it to look through its scope. “No,” he said grimly, staring through the scope, “Dogs’ faces don’t open up three different directions. But they’re sure coming our way.”

In the distance, racing towards the smell of warm meat, five creatures we will call from this point on Headless Hounds, as their mouths stood in for where a face should have been, howled in hungry desire. Tracking down the first bit of food they had sniffed since the new moon’s presence had pulled their frozen bodies from beneath the snow, bringing them back to the surface, and the ancient monsters back to life.

Thoroughly distracted from their rising tension, Sam and Marluxia looked over, a grim seriousness taking over their heated expressions. 

They were an eclectic group for sure, but even accounting for the desire to leave, the group hadn’t just taken anyone. Leaving Scaduview was a death sentence. Their ancestors’ ancestors summoning some of the most powerful magic in the land in a last ditch effort to save their home from the march of Messmer’s soldiers and the unceasing war. To keep a god’s warforce at bay, it would certainly keep mortals inside. 

Leaving would take perseverance. Teamwork. Trust. Skill. 

And despite their differing opinions, when something immediate threatened them?

Sam and Marluxia both stood to face the Headless Hounds, the shing of Sam unsheathing his sword hidden under the sound of the storm while Marluxia took the collapsed blade off his back. 

“Too scared to do anything now?” Marluxia none-the-less taunted. 

“Eat my dust, man,” Sam scoffed, a hint of a grin on his face.

Dimitri sighed, taking a few steps back. He’d need the range, as he leveled the sight of his scope again. “Safety off. Give me some berth.”

Riku was sure to take a few solid steps to the right, glad for the muffle of his hood as a BANG suddenly ripped out. Dimitri’s crossbolt always shot like a firework, but it had the range to justify it. There was a howl as one of the Headless Hounds suddenly crumbled, its front leg shot to pieces. 

The other hounds left it, still beelining for them. Dimitri lowered his crossbolt, reaching into his pouch. He’d need to reload it. He likely wouldn’t get a second shot off in time before the rest got there.

Riku briefly hesitated… but the others knew he could do this. It wasn’t a secret. He’d have had to let them see it eventually.

Pulling out his sack from his jacket, Riku reached in and pulled out, on marionette strings, a crudely carved and stuffed dead rabbit body. Pulling out his vial, blood taken from the rabbit itself, Riku pulled the vial’s cork off with his teeth, before pouring a few drops onto the rabbit’s head.

The rabbit’s eyeless sockets glowed, and it opened its mouth. And Riku held onto the wooden cross as the rabbit suddenly grew, and grew, and grew. Riku riding on its back as he held onto the strings, the rabbit panting terrible, wet little pants as blood poured from its monstrous mouth.

“...that’s what you meant by ‘blood magic’!?” Dimitri shouted, as Riku held on for all his might as the beast suddenly lunged forward. Determined to meet the hounds head on… whether Riku necessarily wanted it to or not.

“HAH!!” Marluxia crowed in utter delight, watching the rabbit zombie charge forward, his laughs bubbling out of him in pitchy rhythms. “You little freak!! You are so beating the serial killer allegations!”

Because why else would someone collect dead animals, and not to eat them? For giant battle monsters, apparently. And ones that, thankfully, weren’t exactly making Marluxia salivate. 

Still, his exhilaration didn’t distract him for too long, and with Dimitri reloading, he ran into the fray himself, charging up a swipe with his blade. 

…what the fuck. What the actual fuck. 

…Sam wondered if Riku could use any of the hound bodies if they left one more intact. 

Shaking his head a little, he stayed farther back, watching the hounds’ pathing to pick off any that avoided Riku and Marluxia and prevent any getting too close in range to Dimitri.

Dimitri put his trust in Sam, focusing on reloading and prepping his crossbolt, ignoring the sounds of the battle. Marluxia’s cackling as he reaped with his scythe, catching the creatures’ legs and pulling them out from beneath themselves, taking a paw or two with him. Riku’s… thing. Having pounded on one hound and seemed to be trying to eat it alive, which was fair, as the creature seemed to be doing the exact same thing to the rabbit’s legs, both of them chewing on each other in frenzy. And Sam, leaping in and out, turning the attention away from Dimitri as Dimitri lifted up his scope again, focusing…

Shooting had just been a hobby, growing up. Dimitri had been a nervous child. He tended to overthink, and then agonize about overthinking. Anxious and awkward, his mind only ever seemed to empty–to calm–when it was busy making a thousand little mental adjustments as he focused his shot. Adjust the scope, account for the wind, where was everyone, where were they going, focus, focus…

Breathe in… out… in….

“Clear!” Dimitri shouted. Wherever the others physically were in that moment? Meant they weren’t in his line of sight. And they needed to stay that way until–

Dimitri shot at the next breath out. The hound that had been coming up behind Sam as the other distracted him crumbling in the shot. 

Dimitri lowered his crossbolt and immediately felt the fear come back. That was likely the last shot he’d be able to take. If the others couldn’t beat the remaining hounds? He wouldn’t be able to reload in time before they came upon him.

A lot of people likened skilled, dynamic fighting to dance. Talking about the whirl and rhythm of movements like it was something they could see in a concert or a festival. 

Fighting never felt like that to Marluxia though. Instead, when he was fighting, it was just exactly what it was--domination. A bloodbath. A series of precise movements that, in the moment, he always felt like he knew exactly what to do next. When to press in, when to strafe, one-two closed combo, flick his wrist to extend the blade out, flick it back closed and catch a wicked slice in the process, heavy overhead blow, more, again--

And all the while, the exhilaration burst out of him in uncontrollable laughs. 

Able to hear the heavy thump of a fallen body behind him, even with all the noise around them, Sam called out, “Thanks, Dimi!! Always got our backs--literally!” And knowing that he didn’t have to worry about a surprise attack, Sam laid into the Headless Hound in front of him, blocking the snap of three pronged jaws before he found an opening to plunge his sword through the beast’s neck. 

Between the two shot down, and Riku, Marluxia, and Sam each taking care of one hound, it wasn’t long before the howls of the creatures went silent, the bodies growing still and bleeding into the snow. 

The four of them panted, watching the bodies warily to see if they’d start moving again…

Dun-dun-dun duuun dun dun dun DUN DUN DUN

Dimitri has leveled up!

Marluxia has leveled up!

Sam has leveled up!

 Riku has leveled up!

Not that they heard that. It was just something that was true. They all felt a little stronger, after that exchange…

…and then Dimitri burst into tears again. “What is happening!?”

“The h-end of th-HYaaaHAHA - the w-haHAA hee hee hee - the wor-huhuheeHAHA--!”

“He means ‘The end of the world’,” Sam helpfully translated as Marluxia attempted to get his giggles under control before he sighed, coming over to Dimitri’s side and giving the guy a bracing squeeze. “Heeeeeey, c’mon, dude! You did great! Saved my hiney, totally. You know it’s gonna hurt your cheeks so bad later to empty your goggles.”

Wiping off his scythe on the snow to clean it off, Marluxia took some deep breaths to dwindle his giggles down before he walked back to Dimitri and Sam. “Save it, criers are gonna cry. You two still in one piece? Riku?” Marluxia looked back at the younger teen. “You got your zombie bunny handled?”

“Uuuuh, yep. Yes? Yep,” Riku said uncertainly, trying, once again, to unsummon the rabbit. Come on, come on, shrink, don’t look at the others, shrink–oh thank the gods. Uh. Sort of. Riku relaxed as the creature started to shrink beneath him. Riku caught himself on the ground and straightened up, the rabbit looking a little more torn and worn down hanging from its strings. The left leg where the hound had chewed it was ripped to shreds. “Probably going to need to repair it… maybe if I skin the hounds’ fur I can rebuild its leg…?”

Dimitri sniffled, giving Riku a genuinely disturbed look. “How did you learn to do that?”

“Read it in a book,” Riku said, looking over the hounds as he took out a skinning knife, “You remember Old Mary Lou?”

“...no?” Dimitri said.

“She was an old woman who lived up the hillside. Died when I was 8. My folks volunteered me to be the one to clean out her things, since she didn’t have any family. Dad said it would build character, to give me a job to do. She had this room behind a bookcase, down in her basement…” Riku started to skin the hound, “...he was right. I built some character. No one ever even came to check on the house. It’s still empty to this day. Gave me a lot of time and space to practice.”

“You’re such a little weirdo,” Marluxia snorted, approving fondness in the sentiment. Though, seeing Riku start skinning one of the hounds before it froze into a block, he hummed something considering, nudging one of the nearer corpses with his boot. “Hey, you think we’ll get weird instant-death diseases if we eat freaky dogs?”

“...uuuuuuuh,” Sam drawled, tilting his head as he genuinely thought it through. On one hand, there was something weiiiiiird about these dogs. But on the other…it was fresh meat right in front of them. And considering how isolated Scaduview was, they all had grown up knowing the value of food. “Prrrrobably not for you?”

“Good enough for me,” Marluxia hummed, shrugging before he crouched, looking the hound corpse over for sections that didn’t look too damaged. They probably wouldn’t be able to bleed the thing out in the storm, but if he could get a decent hunk of leg, that’d probably be safe to roast up.

After an hour, Sam and Riku had dug up enough of pit to let the four safely sit, the small fire they had made protected from the wind by resting in the center of the pit, the four making use of their half built igloo to let Marluxia cook, Dimitri clean his crossbolt, Sam to clean his blade, and Riku to finish rebuilding his rabbit’s leg, stitching the new skin into place.

“...guys, before we agree to go to fight the gods,” Dimitri whispered, “We should have at least one serious conversation about going back.”

“No,” Riku said, “I can’t.”

“The folks back home might be organizing their own party to go fight Messmer. We’re some of our city’s strongest fighters, they need us–”

“My father will kill me if I go back,” Riku said. Simple. Straightforward, as he finished his stitch, “I told him what I really thought about him, before we left. Because I knew we were leaving. I only managed to escape because I caught him by surprise. If he sees me again? That’s it. I’m dead.”

Stomach of steel or no, Marluxia was still seriously attentive as he carefully turned the haunches he’d managed to collect and clean from the hounds. They’d only get sick from freaky magic nonsense on his watch, not from food poisoning. He knew bringing metal stakes was worth the weight in his pack. 

His eyes flicked to Riku for just a moment. 

“Those losers pissed their pants even hearing that we were leaving,” Marluxia scoffed. “No way they’d decide to brave the storm now, to go fight a god right after. And it’s a waste of supplies to turn back now anyway, just to trudge through all over again.”

Sam sighed through his nose. Something he’d never been able to do in Scaduview. “It’d be nice if we could leave markers for people to follow or something, but even with a compass there’s no way to tell if you’re traveling in a straight line, or what lines other peeps would take. And I think Mar-Mar’s right on that point--it’d be a big strain on supplies to turn around now, and honestly we could walk right past the city and never know til we hit the southern edge of the storm. It’s just too dangerous to head anywhere but out now, I think.”

Marluxia sniffed. “Of course I’m right.” He frowned deeper. “And if any of us aren’t going back, then none of us are. You wanna talk about a death sentence, it’s walking through this bullshit alone.”

Dimitri sighed, “...then I think we…actually do have to try then.”

“To kill the gods?” Riku asked, “Really?”

“Everyone is definitely going to die if no one does, including us,” Dimitri frowned, looking up. The moon the only thing visible in the sky through the storm. “...I keep wondering what she’d think of all of this? And I think that’s what she would have picked too. She just wanted an adventure. Maybe this is the adventure she had been hoping for.”

It was maybe strange, since Marluxia had been advocating the hardest for them to try and take on Messmer. 

But during Dimitri’s musings, Marluxia twitched, before a low growl like an idling motor joined the crackling of the fire, the man standing up to loom over Dimitri. “We are not putting words in Neuro’s damn mouth,” he growled, his glare not aggressive, not like earlier, but something almost truly venomous in it. “Whatever she would’ve wanted, we can’t know. She’s gone.”

“Whoa, hey.” Sam popped up, not fully getting between Marluxia and Dimitri, but clearly trying to peacekeep, his voice soft. “Marsy, Dimi didn’t mean it like that. She’s gone…it’s hard not to think about.” He gave Dimitri a gentle, understanding look. “It’s not speaking for her to say she wanted adventure--Nu-nu told us that herself. We can’t know whether she’d wanna go face Messmer or what, but she did want to see more of the world. And…if we’re really doing this, then we’re definitely gonna do that. And maybe that’s something Neuro would’ve been happy to see regardless.”

Dimitri winced, looking away. The tremble in his shoulders an obvious sign that he was quietly crying again.

Riku frowned, looking at Dimitri withdraw into himself, before shooting Marluxia an unimpressed look. “Good going. You want to just punch him in the face next?”

“‘M fine,” Dimitri whispered.

“Maybe I would! If he’d ever fight me!” Marluxia spat, but before he could whirl on Riku, Sam sighed and stepped around Marluxia, wrapping his arms tightly around the older man in a bear hug and walking them both backwards until there was enough space for them to sit down like that without pushing Marluxia into the fire. 

“Come on,” he sighed again, paying no mind to Marluxia’s offended squawk and pushing, keeping his hug tight. “We’re all stressed out. We’re sad. This is terrifying no matter how you feel about it. But we can’t take it out on each other. Right now, we’re all we have.”

“And, hey,” Sam tried a softer laugh, offering Dimitri a smile around Marluxia’s shoulder, “The Power of Friendship is our big secret weapon against the big-bads, right? We gotta hang onto that.”

As Sam locked down more of Marluxia’s limbs and held tighter, Marluxia’s protests grew weaker and weaker, a light flush growing on his cheeks as his body reluctantly melted against the aggressive affection. His breaths growing unsteady but less heavy. 

Sam grinned at the group. “We’ll feel better after some food and some rest. Sucks to make any sort of decision without those!”

Dimitri smiled weakly at that, but it was clear he was trying to allow himself to be soothed to an extent. He wiped his eyes when Riku scooted closer, pressing his arm into Dimitri’s side.

Riku watched the bear hug with mild curiosity. “When did you figure out that worked, Sam? Marluxia’s like a hissing cat when he’s like that. I’d be too afraid of getting scratched to have ever tried it.”

“Shut up, brat,” Marluxia muttered, though he shut up himself when Sam plopped his chin on his head, now entirely locked down by the blond.

“Oh, I figured out my little brother usually just wanted attention when he threw tantrums,” Sam answered with a grin, “Think I was like 15, 16? Totally sleep-deprived on that toddler-rearing grind, Mar-Mar was gettin’ all up in arms, and I scooped him up without thinking about it. Was kinda prepared to be bitten, so the only thing I could do was hold on tighter and he just--” 

Sam nodded to the increasingly boneless Marluxia in his arms, the flush across Marluxia’s face deepening as a strangely demure pout formed on his lips. “Flopped. Honestly I don’t think he’s that different from my brother. You just gotta find out what he’s sayin’ under the barbed, defensive stuff, and give some attention.”

“...okay.” Riku said. “Good to know.”

“Do you guys think we should rest for the night?” Dimitri asked, looking up at the moon, “We knew from the start we weren’t making it out of the storm all at once.”

“We already did dig this out,” Sam hummed, “So probably. Though we might wanna sleep in shifts to make sure the fire doesn’t go out, we don’t get buried in snow, or we don’t get ambushed by whatever other creepy-crawlies are out there.”

Marluxia made a terribly soft sound that was…probably agreement, before a quiet, wavering voice whined, “...food’s gonna burn…”

Sam looked down at him for a moment before giving Riku a nod. “Can you check the meat for a sec?”

“On it,” Riku said, giving Dimitri a small pat on the back before looking over the meat with a critical eye. He stuck a spoke in it, inspected what came away, before rotating it slightly. “Another two minutes.”

“...s’gonna cook unevenly if you don’t spin it…”

“Thanks for the tip, chef!” Sam chirped, not easing his hold at all. Marluxia was probably going to be pissed at him when he let him go, but that was just an eventuality Sam already accepted. He just wanted to make sure Marluxia was genuinely calmed down before he did. 

As ambitious and confident as the guy was, Sam knew that Marluxia wasn’t unaffected by everything that happened. Neuro’s death, the moon’s message, the prospect of marching into a war. Rykard’s maw, hearing about Riku finally confronting his dad was probably another stress added to the pile. Charging forward like his victory was a foregone conclusion was just how Marluxia dealt with things. And anything or anyone that would make him slow down to actually think about all those things as loss and fear and helplessness was…well, trapping Marluxia with loss, fear, and helplessness. So he lashed out. But the guy had too much pride to just hear someone say it was okay to feel those things. 

Forcing that message physically was maybe too intense, maybe wasn’t fair, but it was still a way for Marluxia to let himself accept comfort from someone else. And right now, that was the best Sam could do for his friend.

-

Aced was on gate duty. Which was… tougher now. With everything that had just happened. 

They had had outbreaks before of course. It was why they were so uptight about watches and border duty and gate watch. And Aced had always been happy to do his part in protecting the town! It was his dream to be the head of the Guards someday!

But after the last breach… and then all of that scary stuff with the moon…

What did it mean, that the world was ending? Aced felt out of his depth. It didn’t help that the Guards had basically told everyone that word from the top was to ‘go on like normal’. They were all supposed to pretend it wasn’t happening…

The moon’s proclamation changed things. In some ways. Neveram always had a trade of fighters and adventurers, Hunters bred and raised in the snow and understanding the threat that loomed from on high, others who understood a little more and sought to take what they could from what came out of the crypts. Only now, the Hunters’ target was, apparently, the prime source of it all. 

In the same way, Linnea had spent her whole career guiding adventurers up and down Frostpeak Mountain, and as someone who knew the trip up and down, forwards and backwards, she expected that that wouldn’t change for this new hunt. 

She hadn’t expected the first client to approach her to be a…teenager. Even as they waited for the gate to open, she gave him a wary look. 

…

…oh, of course she was going with him. Were you addled? There were plenty of brash adventurers heading up the mountain alone, not even bothering to seek out a guide, but the fact that young Gula had sought her out meant he was serious. And since she had failed to sway him against going, Linnea was determined to make sure this child did not die on her watch. 

Aced saw the two approaching. Uh oh… more people leaving.

“Good’day!” Aced called down from the gate mechanics. Biting his lower lip worriedly, before saying, “Going out this late? You know the gate’s closed for the night, yeah? Curfew.”

More kids. Aced wasn’t new-new to the guards, and he wasn’t a literal child, but he was still so painfully young. What was the guards’ recruitment age anyway, Linnea needed to have words with someone! Or…well, she would if the world wasn’t on the cusp of its end. Maybe she still would after they’d settled this artifact nonsense. 

“Hello, Aced,” Linnea called up with a wave. “Oh dear, did we miss the timing? Drat, I suppose we may have to take another day of prep for the mountain.”

“What the root?” Gula griped, glancing at the sky. “I thought curfew wasn’t for another hour; they changed it again?”

Usually the curfew was an hour past midnight, and the gate stayed locked until roughly four. This was mostly due to how impossible it was to see at those hours. The watch became useless, so the gate remained locked.

This wasn’t close to that time. It was barely eleven.

But… “Curfew started after the moon talking business…ma’am.” Aced frowned, feeling guilty even as he tried to insist, “It’s uh… it’s ongoing until we hear word otherwise.”

It was hard to say this to Linnea. She was a hero of the village, and had literally saved Aced’s life not a few hours ago. Had saved the whole town. Again. 

Telling her?? What to do? Felt blasphemous. 

“Ah, I see,” Linnea sighed, a little less enthused to hear that. “Higher ups want to make some sort of decision in response to the moon, even if no one knows what to do. I should bring it up with Commander Eagus, more Hunters stuck inside during prowling hours will surely mean more ruckus in town…”

Linnea was more or less talking to herself, not expecting either of the teens around to do anything about town politics, but while she had, Gula had looked at the lookout tower up and down. 

And then he started to climb it. 

“Gula!” Linnea called, startled.

“If the gate won’t open, I’ll just go over,” Gula grunted, scaling the truss beams.

“O-oh! Oh, no, th-that’s! Uh! That’s against the rules!” Aced called to Gula, like maybe the other teen didn’t know as Aced fretted more, looking around nervously to see if anyone else was around to see, before hissing out to Gula, “Stop! You’ll get into trouble!”

“Oh nooo, what are they gonna do, throw me in Godwyn’s crypt~” Gula taunted, “Please don’t do that~”

“Gula Banica you are not climbing over--ugh,” Damn, he was quick too. As Gula neared the top of the wall, not even going to the lookout platform but scaling onto the wall itself to keep out of Aced’s reach, Linnea’s tone hardened. “Aced, sweetie, open the gate. I’ll take it up with your commanders, but I am not climbing over like that myself.”

“Oh, cool, is the gate opening?” a lackadaisical, slightly muffled voice remarked, a masked stranger walking up to the scene.

Aced fretted more!! Oh shit!! This was so bad!! Aced wasn’t supposed to open the gate, but he was also losing one of the citizens over the wall!! Also!! The damn HERO of Neveram was asking him directly to do something!! Ahhhhh!!!

“No!” he told the voice, hurrying over to the mechanics, “Well, technically!! Yes! But also no! Temporary opening!” He said, pulling the lever, “Don’t tell anyone!”

Straddling the wall now, Gula snickered at Aced. “Like you won’t the second someone asks. You’re awful at lying, Aced.”

“Gula,” Linnea sighed, “Aced, really, I’ll take responsibility, you won’t get in trouble for this. And if the Guards have become more about following orders than protecting the people of the village, they’ll be in trouble with me. Even protecting smart-alecks with too much bravado.” She leveled an unimpressed look on Gula.

“You could just stay in the village.” He shrugged back.

“Not on your life,” she muttered.

The stranger observed all that for a moment before giving Aced a shrug. “Won’t say anything about it.” 

“Ah, no… oh this is so bad,” Aced muttered, the gate dropping with a dull thud, “Where on earth are you all going tonight anyway? There’s nowhere to go.”

“Frostpeak Crypt,” three voices answered, Gula and Linnea expecting that answer from each other, but looking at the masked stranger in surprise. 

Who only seemed to remark in response, “Ah, really? Mind if I tag along, then? It’d make the trip way less of a hassle.”

“...who the fuck are you?” Gula asked.

Or, started to ask, before the thunk of the gate made the part of the wall he was on tremble. Far more than Gula had anticipated, damage from the latest attack not quite repaired yet and sending more substantial tremors through the metal. His eyes widening, Gula quickly looked down, trying to find the best way to dismount, when--

Swoosh~

It wasn’t loud, but the sound of feathers was like falling snow, the white wings glimmering among the true snowflakes in the blinding moonlight. The masked stranger steadying Gula enough for him to safely hop down to the lookout platform.

“Name’s Geo.”

“Oh, wow,” Aced whispered, genuinely impressed as he watched the… man? Creature? Whatever he was looking at fly over to catch Gula. Or, well, to steady him. 

Aced glanced over Gula to make sure he was alright, before staring wide-eyed at the winged person. “Sorry… uh, this is going to be a rude question… what are you?”

There was a muffled, beleaguered sigh, but seeing the awed and shocked expressions all around him, Geo waved a lazy hand. “Angel--don’t get ahead of yourselves in fear or wrath of the almighty, not that kind of angel.”

That hardly explained anything, but while already Geo was giving off the sort of vibe that would make getting a clearer answer out of him a total pain, Gula also wanted to know: “Wait, if you can fly, then why haven’t you just flown over the walls?”

Geo shrugged. “If the gate was opening anyway, walking’s less of a hassle.”

Aced gasped, peering a little closer at Geo. He had… no idea if Angel’s were allowed! But that was very cool regardless??

But wait… “Aren’t angels, like, creations of the gods?” Aced asked, trying not to be toooooooo alarmed that literally divine representation had just sort of… shown up at the gate. On his watch. On the night he wasn’t supposed to let anyone in or out! Oh he was doing a really terrible job that day. “So are you here to make sure we don’t do the Termina festival?” 

A deeper beleaguered sigh, enough that they could see steam billowing out from the edges of the mask. “Okay, what I just said there about not being that kind of angel? That’s what I mean. Not a servant of Rher or Godwyn or whoever.”

“Rher…” Linnea muttered softly. That was a name she hadn’t heard for a long time. But…it did track. The iconography with the trickster god was all moon-based. But that also meant that this all was likely far bigger than even the acts of divinity they were used to across the lands of Termina. 

“Okay, but…” Gula frowned, “If you’re not, then--”

“Boys,” Linnea called down from the outside of the gate, “We can continue this later, let’s not keep the gate open all night, hm?”

Aced frowned, looking down at the Hero Linnea. He was deeply worried about this. It was dangerous out there, and also, what was the plan!? To just… go and fight the gods?? Because the moon said to!?

But the head of the guards said not to! 

But Aced was not about to tell Linnea no for anything, Gula was with her, and… Geo felt slightly out of Aced’s jurisdiction, if he was totally honest. So all he felt like he could do was watch as the three moved out to the other side of the gate. Off to do… something.

(Maybe he could go with them?)

(They could probably use the help.)

(The world was in danger, wasn’t it? It’d maybe even be the right choice to make, to abandon his watch. To go help collect the artifacts. To…)

He was a guard. He had to do what he was told. That was half the point.

It’s not like he knew better than the head guard, after all.

Aced closed the gate. “I’ll… I’ll let you back in if you guys come back!” He promised them. That little bit of rebellion the best he could offer. 

As the little adventuring group collected on solid ground outside the gate, Linnea looked back up at Aced with a warm smile. “Thank you, sweetie, we really appreciate it. I know it’s against protocol, but,” she gave him a cheek wink, “sometimes the best way to help people is to bend the rules, no?”

-

Clock Town was a bloodbath.

But that was to be expected. While every other community on the continent was half in denial anything was happening, or was trying to figure out a response to the moons challenge to defeat the gods, Clocktown had been prepping for Termina for generations. Conscious of what Termina truly was at its very core.

A world-wide death game, with only one true winner. And everyone was a contestant. 

It was practical knowledge, that the world was going to become a Death Game, and each generation of Clock Town had just been raised to wonder if it was their generation that would fight it. It was considered a blessing, to become a contestant in Clock Town. To have a legitimate chance to become a God! What could be a greater gift!?

But was also understood to be a curse. Most everyone boasted about wanting to see the death games in their lifetime, but it was quietly known you had been one of the lucky ones to have lived and died never seeing the horrors of Termina.

Kaito was feeling the mix of both those feelings, even as someone who had been raised with Clock Town’s beliefs a little later in childhood. On one hand, how lucky was he!? To be in a divine contest! To have a chance to earn his place in the pantheon! 

On the other hand… he sort of thought the way some of the others was killing was maaaaaaybe a little… unnecessary. At least in their methods.

Kaito winced as he turned the corner and found a row of people who had been tied to crosses, their bodies nailed into the wood at seemingly random points in their bodies. Most were, thankfully, dead. A few weren’t.

It was a waste, as far as resources went, to leave other contestants alive to suffer. The magic of Termina meant souls you conquered came into service for yours. It made you stronger, to kill, and delaying that power boost was a weird choice. But more than that, it was sadistic and unnecessarily cruel. Whoever had nailed these people up both a monster and an idiot.

“The horrors of Termina are over for you.” Kaito whispered, cutting the final persons throat. Feeling the soothing chill of power run through him lightly at each one. It wasn't’ massive power boosts, Kaito suspected the lack of damage he had done to them limited the boost he got–admittedly, that might be why people left each other to suffer for a long time before dying, for a greater power boost once they did–but it felt mean spirited to make it hurt any worse than it had to, just for a boost. 

They were contestants to a death game. They didn’t have to be monsters.

But some people had not gotten the memo, as Kaito turned around and saw, almost too late, the monster that had hung these people up. Kaito took a quick step back to avoid the gas that had shot out at him, trying to engulf him in smoke that would have, he suspected, knocked him out at the very least, suffocated him to death at worst. When the acidic smelling smoke cleared, Kaito stared at the pig mask the man wearing the gas container as a weapon was wearing. The pig mask clearly some sort of repurposed gas-mask. 

The man in the pig mask stared blankly back at him… before growling. “Ghrgh oo-sman.”

“...” Kaito blinked, readying his axe in his hands, “...sorry, what?”

There was an irritated, scoffing tsk from within the mask, as the man readied his tank again for another blast at Kaito. “Gergh oods-ghm.”

Kaito squinted, like that would help. “....no, sorry, one more time. What’d you say?”

The tank of poisonous gas the man was holding wasn’t air tight. A messy, intimidating swirl of green gas swirled menacingly around him as he seemed to be about ready to pull the trigger on the nozzle again… but couldn’t seem to help but try one more time, “Grgh ucghing wo’sman!”

“Dude, don’t get mad at me, it’s not my fault I can’t hear you through the damn mask.”

“Gah!” the man finally shouted in exasperation, lowering the nozzle just long enough to lift his mask up a bit, snarling at Kaito with sharpened, razored teeth, “I SAID ‘so THIS is the WOODSMAN’---grgh. K’augh–KAUGH, KAUGH–AAASHP!?”

Kaito watched the man suddenly sway on his feet, the gas around him visibly going up his loosened mask… before the man collapsed. Landing on top of his gas canister in a crumbled heap.

“Oooooh. ‘So this is the Woodsman’.” Kaito filled in, staring at the collapsed monster, the man’s mouth visibly foaming from where his pig mask was skewed. Kaito glanced back at the people who had been left to bleed out on the crosses… before he grinned down at the collapsed heap, bringing up his axe, “Yeah! Yeah, I guess I am~”

He brought the axe down.

-

Once again, as all the people settled into their journeys across Termina, all that was brought to a pause. All the players of Termina suddenly finding cobblestone under their feet as they looked at the massive clock tower. 

One hour had passed. 

“YOU!” Marluxia seethed, whirling on Sam. The blond instantly put up his hands placatingly, but Marluxia just pointed a finger into his chest as he growled, “You might be Dem-Dem’s little friend or whatever, but do. Not. do. That. ever. Again.”

“Ah, hey, yeah, noted,” Sam quickly soothed, but he’d barely gotten the words out before Marluxia whirled around again. 

“DEMYX!!”

Demyx was excitedly recounting the song he had gotten to play as part of his bard perk to ‘boost’ everyone’s energy as they were still in search of Lauriam to Roxas, who was nodding along, trying to look suitably impressed as Demyx did a quick air-guitar reenactment. 

He jumped at being called though, looking over his shoulder, “Eh!? Eh!? What!?”

Marluxia ran up to Demyx like a storm, grabbing onto the musician’s collar and dragging him a bit away from any others. Getting into Demyx’s face as he quietly, venomously hissed, “You’re a motormouth airhead but you do not just tell strangers that sort of stuff about me, you fuck!”

“Eeep! I give, I give!” Demyx said automatically, putting his hands up in surrender and cringing away from Marluxia… before raising an eyebrow, giving him a bewildered look, “Wait, pause. What are you yelling at me about? I’m lost.”

Marluxia’s fury wasn’t quelled in the slighted as he glowered at Demyx, his fists in his shirt only tightening. “You told Sam it was funny to grapple me, didn’t you? Just some fucking lighthearted banter between songs. Didn’t think a damn thing about it.”

“I told… Sam?” Demyx said, his hands still up in surrender, but pointing over to the group where Sam was, clarifying they were talking about the same person, “That it was… funny. To… grapple you?”

Demyx paused, considering the accusation… before saying, “Uuuuuh, nooooooo? I didn’t?? What do you think I’m doing at band practice? I don’t talk about family there, that’s my, like, one place in literally the whole world where I don’t have to think about you guys. You’re not the main character of my story, man.”

“Besides, I don’t really know what you’re talking about either.” Demyx admitted, “Grappled… why is it funny to grapple you?”

Everything in Marluxia’s being just wanted him to continue to growl, because obviously Sam only knew because of Demyx, so something had to have been passed along. But…

…well, he did understand that. Demyx having a space and part of his life that wasn’t caught in the tangle of their family, something that was just for him. Friends that had nothing to do with their family or their history. 

…and Demyx wasn’t lying. 

His anger suspended, Marluxia stared at Demyx. Searching his eyes for a moment. Trying to understand. 

“...” Marluxia let out a rough hush, letting go of Demyx enough that it was almost a light shove. “...whatever. Whatever. Fuck off. I’m going home.”

“Oh geee, noooo, don’t go Marluxia, we were having so much fun.” Demyx said dryly, smoothing out his shirt, “If you feel like explaining yourself later, I’ll be all ears.”

Marluxia just flipped Demyx off before disappearing, managing to pull himself from the psychic space Amaina had pulled all of them into. 

Lauriam frowned from where he’d been half-watching while chatting with his group before he excused himself, going over to Demyx. “Hey, you alright?”

“Yeeeaaah, I’m fine, Marluxia is just throwing a tantrum about something. I should probably check on Sam actually. Apparently something happened in game?” Demyx shrugged, “Sam’s pretty easy going, he’s probably fine, but I should apologize for, y’know… us.” Demyx smiled sheepishly. 

Lauriam’s eyebrows scrunched, his frown growing worried for a moment before he returned Demyx’s smile with a slightly wary one. “Yeah, probably. Can I catch up with you later about what happened? I should probably check up on Marluxia.”

“Yeah, that’s fine, we’ll figure out what happened between us.” Demyx sighed, reaching over to pat Lauriam’s arm, “Good luck! He is up in arms right now, don’t let him take it out on you too much. Sam! Hey Sam! Wait up!’  Demyx shouted, heading off to catch up with his friend. 

Lauriam nodded, giving Demyx a small smile, before he…uh…

…how did he leave here? Um…he could try teleporting back to his own mind, he guessed…

Turning from where he was chatting with Dimitri and his red-headed friend, Sam grinned at Demyx and returned his wave. “Hey, man! Ah, I’m really sorry about that, if Marluxia talked to you? It’s totally my bad, total accident.”

“Nah, I know. He can overreact to stuff.” Demyx assured Sam, glancing at the others, “Sorry, let me steal him for a minute. You’ll get him right back!”

Stepping aside, hoping Sam would step aside with him, he lowered his voice to whisper, “Hey, sorry about that. Marluxia can be kind of mean sometimes. He can’t really help himself, I’m sure he didn’t mean whatever he said to you, but still, sorry if he was being a dick. He said something about… grappling? Did you guys have a fight in-game?”

Taking the sidebar, Sam gave Demyx a surprised look for a moment before shrugging. “Uh, he does give off that prickly vibe, but I can tell it’s bark, man. I think that might’ve been part of the issue?”

“Our group was spattin’ about if we should take on the bosses, and…” Sam paused from his explanation, scratching the back of his neck as he realized, “Oh, actually? He really only got pissed when Dimitri was sayin’ something about this NPC in our group that got killed early, so I think that might be a sore spot for Marluxia’s character. But, anyway, he was gettin’ spiraled into his own feelings so I bear hugged him out of it.”

Sam let out a sheepish laugh. “My character had this whole backstory, but it really is just something I do to my brother and my friends when they’re upset. Some people just look like they need a monster of a hug, right? But it seriously crossed a boundary with Marluxia. Couldn’t have known in-game, but it makes sense for him to tell me it’s not cool, yanno? I really don’t know him more than anything you’ve mentioned, and you def didn’t tell me his deal with that.”

“A hug? Marluxia, seriously… ‘grappled’.” Demyx grumbled, pinching his brow, “Yeah, yeah. Won’t say he’s only bark, but yeah, for the most part it is. He’ll calm down. And it’s super not your fault. I’m not sure how much stuff we actually know translates to our characters–”

“Actually, quite a bit.” 

“GAH! Oh, sorry Alter Ego. You scared me.” Demyx said sheepishly, now standing behind Sam, pressed into his back as he peered at the golden cat riding a tiny cloud. “Sorry, what?”

“You were asking how much your knowledge as people translates to your characters? It’s a lot,” Alter Ego explained, “In truth, that’s largely why this all doesn’t feel as ‘intense’ or immediate as you might imagine it would to be in this situation in real life. There’s a part of your characters that’s aware you’re in a game. It’s why we made the plot what it is, to sort of compensate for that ‘this is just a game’ feelings they’ll have at times. ‘They’ being ‘you’.”

“It’s why we’re not terribly worried about random hookups in the game either,” Alter Ego explained, “Even if they’re attracted to each other in game, a part of them knows that’s not something they want the consequences of pursuing. And if you know you should or shouldn’t treat someone a certain way in the real world? It’ll translate in game. For instance, Kaito’s really leaning into the bloodthirsty stuff in game, if you talk to him. But there’s a very real chance once he talks to someone he actually knows in real life? It’ll be much harder for him to follow through, since a part of him knows he doesn’t care about the non-player characters, but he does care about how you all feel about things.”

“Oh, okay, so… okay, yeah, that makes sense. It explains why I’m so brave in the game. A part of me must know that I’m not in real danger.” Demyx mused, stepping out from behind Sam.

Sam gave Demyx an amused look under his arm. That was some speed, dude! He hardly saw Demyx move!

“Man,” he sighed, “Amaina and the Little Helpers have really put their whole pussies into this game, huh. Everything you guys put together sounds wild to me, I’d barely know where to start in setting it up. That is nice to know, though.” He gave Demyx and Alter Ego a sheepish grin. “I can totally not cross that line with Marluxia irl, but I had no idea how I’d get my character to stop it. It kinda felt like this was just something we were used to as long-time friends. But if what I know can ooze in, that’s reassuring.”

Sam sweat a bit, slouching to Demyx’s side. “....aaaaaand even if our refs aren’t worried about hookups, you mentioned he was dating that big dude over there, right? And something about how Marluxia fights doesn’t say ‘entirely fantasy’ to me. I’d rather avoid an accidental 2x beat down.”

“Don’t worry, I’d protect you… no, that’s a lie. I’d tell Sebastian and Abigail and they’d protect you! Maybe button too, if I give him enough puppy-dog eyes.” Demyx said, glancing over at Xaldin, who was having some sort of conversation with Riku. “I should probably tell him Marluxia is upset, thinking about it. Give Lauriam some backup, and maybe Xaldin will know how to help. Anyway, you’re fine, you’re good man. Like I said, not your fault, Marluxia would blow up if you told him his hair looked good that day, because of course it should be ‘amazing and great and the best hair you’ve ever seen’.” Demyx said, rolling his eyes, “Trust me. You’re fine.”

“Uhhh maybe not entirely if I smooched a guy and had him accidentally cheat,” Sam chuckled, though he gave Demyx a small quizzical look. Pausing for a moment before he asked, “Do…you and Marluxia have some beef between you? You totally know him better, but even having a big personality at least in the game he’s never started yelling about nothing. That seems a little harsh to brush him off like that.”

“‘Beef’ is a way of putting it. I’ve shared a room and a head with the guy for years now. And just on random days? Suddenly everything is tense! And aggressive! And you can never tell when it’s gonna happen or what’s gonna be the cause, when suddenly it’s a ‘Marluxia’s pissed at you’ day.” Demyx huffed, looking genuinely irritated, “Look, you’re not wrong, there’s usually a reason. But it can be stressful to live with. I don’t love being on the other end of it, I don’t love watching him do it to other people. If he gets to be randomly, massively pissed off at people? I get to be irritated about it.”

“...sorry. That was maybe too honest.” Demyx sighed, rubbing his chest a little, “I’m just annoyed he yelled at one of my few friends during one of the few times we all hang out. Like, seriously? He couldn’t not be a dick for one damn day…”

Smiling softly, Sam put an arm around Demyx’s shoulders and gave him a squeeze. “Nah dude, better out than in. And I get it--you don’t choose family, and while ya love ‘em that doesn’t mean some of the stuff they do doesn’t drive you up the wall. And that really sucks, feeling like stuff suddenly becomes, like, dynamite eggshells under your feet totally randomly. I’d be stressed out all the time too.”

“And, hey, I’m not put out or anything,” he said, jiggling the two of them side to side a bit. “I’m glad he told me his boundaries! I crossed it, he made his feelings known, I don’t feel down about it. And I dunno how your game went, but tonight’s been a lot of fun! Plenty to enjoy, still.”

“Oh, I’m not stressed out all the time. Marluxia can be fun sometimes, and he and Larxene are super close, which is nice to see, even if they’re, like, twice the bullies together,” Demyx siad, leaning against Sam a bit, rolling his eyes, “Yeah? I guess if you’re fine, it’s fine. Just don’t feel like you have to put up with it to keep the game going smoothly. He’s my family, sure, but you’re my friend. He shouldn’t treat you like that.”

“And I appreciate that about you!” Sam chirped. “I just have my fair share of grumpus friends, yanno, I get it. And to be honest, I’m kinda glad he’s in my group. I feel like I went kinda basic just bein’ a sword fighty guy--Marluxia’s like a hurricane in a fight, Dimitri can take out threats in single seconds, and Riku’s deal is sooooo insane, dude, like what on earth?! Li’l guy took the creative process to the total max, it’s awesome!”

He snickered a bit. “Our closest boss, this Messmer guy, is super built up in lore, but I feel way more hopeful about our chances fighting him than my character does.” Sam rolled his eyes a little. “Even if I think it’s a jokester bit of a coincidence that we’re heading into a warzone. I don’t think Amaina would’ve planned it like that, but it does feel weirdly pointed.”

“You know, I haven’t considered that one of us is actually going to win,” Demyx admitted, looking around, “Maybe it’ll be someone from your group! I don’t think it’s gonna be anyone from mine, honestly. Lauriam’s character seems to be going on his own sort of adventure? I say ‘going’, he was stolen, we’re still working out the specifics. Kairi and Abigail’s characters both seem like they’re gearing themselves up to be cool support characters. And me? Leeet’s be honest,” Demyx grinned, giving Sam a wink as he mimed playing his sitar, “I’m fodder. But yeah, I’d be surprised if we even managed to kill our boss, let alone make it to Clock Town.”

“But, let me run off real quick, talk to Xaldin so he knows what’s going on.” Demyx said, shaking out of Sam’s loose grip, “Give me the play by play of what you did in the session later! I gotta tell you about a whole song number I did!”

“Don’t give up too early, ya never know how the dice will roll,” Sam returned Demyx’s wink with a grin (oblivious of the death glare leveled his way from across the plaza) before letting him go, “And I’ll be looking forward to it! You gotta give us the full rendition next band practice!”

As Demyx traveled towards Xaldin, he would pass a stricken-looking Invi tensely apologizing to Hao.

Hao kept giving Invi an amused, mildly puzzled look. “Why do you keep apologizing? That was impressive! In-game me is entirely trying to figure out how to kill you, by the way. That’s why I went so quiet at the end there. Was thinking sneaky murder thoughts.” Hao giggled lightly, pinking slightly, “I don’t think I’m going to pull it off, but at some point I’m definitely going to try.”

“But quite seriously, Invi, I like your character. I’ma little surprised you were the one to make her.” Hao admitted, “She seems… different. From how you usually are.”

Invi sighed. It was a game, yes, but she couldn’t help but feel like Xigbar and Linnea would murder her for taking out Hao in the first or second sessions. And yet? “That…seems entirely expected.”

Though, she did blush a little, clasping her hands in front of herself as she looked down. “It’s not the words they used to get people on board, but this is basically a very intense Dungeons and Dragons game when you get down to it. It seemed like a missed opportunity to not go for something creative and…well, unlike myself. I thought it would be fun to try something new.”

Just…someone that didn’t care what others thought, or that abided by their rules. Someone without attachments that would give her something to lose, and thus could be manipulated with. A cool, sexy, mysterious assassin-type. 

Hopefully not one that would immediately take her weird little teen ward out of the game. 

“Again, I think it’s fun. You’re too stifled in the real world. I knew there was a bitch in there somewhere. It’d be fun to see more of her.” Hao smiled, giving Invi a small wink… before scoffing lightly, “Then maybe you can teach that brother of yours to embrace his too. You two make me nervous just being around you, and I’m one of the brats. Just think about the poor example you’re setting for poor Aced! He’s a mess.”

Hao said that pointedly, glancing over at one of the staircases over on the side road, where Aced was sitting by himself, fiddling with something in his hand. The teen looked notably down. Something clearly on his mind.

Invi could only breathe in a large sigh. Of course Hao would only look at them and see stress. Xigbar and Linnea never expected a thing from the untouchable prodigy. Ruffling his hair, she could only say, almost defeatedly, “Don’t call me a bitch,” before looking over at Hao’s indication, frowning at the state Aced was in. 

“...go talk with the others,” she directed, “I’ll check in with Aced. Don’t make enemies.”

It felt like a futile request, but she gave Hao a stern look before walking across the plaza onto the side road, stopping a few steps away from Aced. “Aced,” she greeted. “How did your session go?”

“Okay~” Hao said sweetly, beaming up at her before taking a look around. Appraising his next victims. Or potential friends. He’d see.

Aced ddn’t notice Invi approaching him until she said something, but he didn’t startle. He just looked up, smiling warmly as he realized it was her. Invi didn’t scare him. As far as he was concerned? She was one of the best people he knew.

Which is why it felt so awkward to look back down at the guardsman sigil he was fussing with in his hands, feeling childish in his awkward, large body as he admitted, “It was… fine. I didn’t… I didn’t do much. But I guess we can’t all do much every game, right?”

“... how was yours?” Aced asked, trying his best to not look down as he smiled up at Invi. It was not a great attempt, but he was trying.

Invi’s eyes narrowed slightly as she tried to see what was in Aced’s hands. It was some kind of…badge, maybe?

But she let her mind ruminate on it in the background as she nodded slowly, coming around to sit next to him on the steps. “I didn’t really do anything last session, so you’re right about that. I think that’s just some of the reality of trying to play things with a realistic timespan.”

Sighing a bit, she grimaced. “I almost killed Hao immediately. We were told that’s fair play, but I think he’d be disappointed to not get to play, really, and Xigbar and Linnea would be upset about me punching down on someone younger. But instead we met who I assume is an important NPC and I believe we’re making plans for taking out one of the bosses. It probably won’t happen next session, but I think it’ll be soon.”

Invi nudged Aced’s arm lightly. He was a big guy, but she definitely wasn’t, so while they were side by side on the stairs it wasn’t like they were squished together. “Are you disappointed not to see much action? There’s always next session, and with Lauriam and Marluxia in recovery I doubt there’ll be a big break again.”

Aced eyes widened a little, glancing around to see Hao–who was smiling and talking warmly to a notably wary Sora–before looking for who he was really worried about, which was Xigbar. Not spotting him, Aced frown, “That probably would have been bad… but! It’s cool that actually facing one of the gods soon! And you’ve uncovered an important NPC? That sounds like a blast, Invi! That’s cool!”

Aced’s enthusiasm faded a little at Invi’s reassurance though, looking back down at the badge, essentially, indicating he was a guardsman. “...I don’t know if… I’m the kind of person who gets to go on adventures.” Aced admitted quietly, “Invi, I think there’s a real possibility my guy is never going to leave the town, because he just… will never choose to.”

“And that’s frustrating, because I’m just… stuck in his head, while we’re playing this game. Not progressing, not moving forward, just… too stupid to even know how to get out. I watched Linnea and Giovanni and Gula all just stroll out of the city to go on the adventure, and I didn’t even try to stop them, which I was supposed to, but I didn’t go with them either. I just passively watched. Just hoping someone would ask me to go with them, and…”

“...it was frustrating. Being stuck and not feeling like I could do anything.” Aced murmured.

Invi smiled slightly. It…was pretty cool. Terrifying afterward, processing some of the things her character had done and was planning to do, but in the moment? It was…fun. Pure fantasy. 

As opposed to…

“...Aced,” she asked after a moment, “Do you mind sharing what your idea for your character was? Because that frustration of not jumping into adventure, being stuck… You might’ve given a concept that was too realistic.”

Aced frown, “I wasn’t super specific… I said I wanted to be someone who protected people. Protected the city I started in. I was kind of hoping to be one of the characters that, like, manages to save everyone. Amaina offered to make me a guard of one of the towns, so that it’d be my job to save them, and I jumped onto it.”

“But playing it now? I don’t feel like it’s my job to save everyone. I feel like it’s just my job to do what I’m told. Even if I don’t agree with it.” Aced sighed, tossing the badge onto the ground, clearly disappointed, “But I feel like I’m letting everyone down if I don’t. Miss Linnea said in the game that sometimes doing the right thing means bending the rules… but that’s just…”

Aced glanced warily around again. Looking for Xigbar. “...never been true for me. Every time I bend the rules? I just make everything worse…”

Invi nodded as Aced explained, making the connections to what had happened. Aced being placed more in a role than with a motivation, and thus lumped into a story arc that didn’t suit what he wanted from the game. There were ways to change that, but…well…

Their characters came from that. And meticulously designed or improvising on the fly, that still meant…

“That’s rich, coming from her,” Invi mumbled, before she gave Aced a small nod. “It’s not enough for things to just go wrong, is it. That every time we even think about trying to solve something ourselves, Mr. Xigbar just…rubs it in, that we don’t know better. And he does do that to you and Ira the most. Unless you specifically made your character to counteract that, there’s no way it’d be something that wouldn’t be a factor.”

Invi rubbed her hands together lightly, thinking. Looking at the badge on the ground. Guards… Wanting to protect. 

“...Amaina said that she wanted everyone to have fun playing the game,” Invi said softly after a few moments, “And we’re still really early. I…think, if you wanted, you could ask her if you could make some changes to your character. Nothing that would cancel out what already happened, but just some…tweaks.” She gave him a small smile. “I’d be happy to work on that with you, if you want. I found it kind of fun to look at this like a chance to go all out playing pretend.”

Her smile saddened a bit. “A chance to be someone who isn’t ourselves, for a little while. And maybe those people are the types who can succeed making their own rules to follow.”

“I know Mr. Xigbar is… look, I know.” Aced whispered, clearly not wanting to overheard, “But it doesn’t change the fact that when I do try to do things, it’s always a disaster. Everyone knows it. I’m not stupid, I know it too.”

Aced scoffed, “But I also know if I was doing better? Mr. Xigbar wouldn’t treat me any different. Ira’s one of the most impressive people I know, and he still always seems like he’s one stumble from begging Mr. Xigbar for forgiveness. If you and Ira can’t impress him? None of us stand a chance. I know that.”

“...it’s just hard to remember that sometimes, in the moment.” He admitted softly, “Sometimes I get tempted by the idea that if I’m just good enough this time? Xigbar will recognize it. Be impressed. I know it won’t happen. But I really want it too, sometimes.”

That confession given. Aced considered Invi’s solution…

“Do you think so?” Aced asked, turning over that idea lightly in his mind… before grinning enthusiastically at her, “Okay! If you’re helping me with it? It’ll definitely work out. You’re amazing, Invi. Thank you.”

Aced was just the loudest about it, really. None of them could do things without it going south, it felt like. As she’d confessed to Ira when they were still at Linnea’s house, Invi just…didn’t understand what was wrong with them. That they so fundamentally failed at everything. 

Invi still had nightmares sometimes, and not even about the factory, but what would’ve happened to Ava at that job she’d helped her get. 

“Sometimes I don’t think Mr. Xigbar would even know what to do with himself, being impressed,” Invi just as quietly admitted, before she gave Aced a warm smile. “You might be competition late game, but our group should look out for each other at the beginning. It’d be a little embarrassing not to give the others a good showing.”

Aced chuckled at that, looked around… before whispering, “But okay, for real… if anyone was gonna survive a world ending apocalypse? It’s definitely gonna be one of us.”

“We’re definitely not shabby survivors,” Invi nodded in agreement, before a hint of a smirk turned up her lips. “You said that Giovanni kid is with you, Gula, and Miss Linnea? It does feel like he’s getting a bit of a free ride.”

Aced’s eyes widened, “Oh man, let me tell you what he did with his character, it’s really cool actually…”

-

Xaldin had been given the heads up by Demyx, and excusing himself from the group, he went to go knock on Dilan’s back. “Hey, Flowers having a bad day. Come on.”

“Oh, okay,” Dilan frowned, clearly disappointed. He had been regaling Shuichi, Kokichi and Kaito with his tale of totally saving Lauriam’s life in game. Kokichi and Kaito were good listeners, and Dilan had been feeling pretty puffed up, impressing The Ouma and a Momota, even if it was a disgraced Momota. 

Shuichi hadn’t been as impressed, asking why Dilan hadn’t just shot him himself. But well, who was Shuichi Saihara anyway? Whatever.

But, still, duty called! Dilan agreed, and the two were soon asking Amaina to send them back home, Xaldin’s quickstep moving them to the Garden Duo’s door in an instant, as Dilan insisted on knocking first. “Marluxia?” Dilan called through, “May we come in? It’s Xaldin and I.”

Lauriam hadn’t been that far behind Marluxia, so the Chibi hadn’t had the time to go to his tree. However, Demyx hadn’t been that behind in his heads up to Xaldin, so the Garden Duo had barely started getting into it before they glanced at their door. Lauriam looked back at Marluxia, who gave him a small nod, before Lauriam called back, “Come in, the door’s open!”

The two of them were just standing in the field, though Marluxia looked a bit red-faced and clearly upset, glaring off to the side as Xaldin and Dilan approached. 

“Now you won’t have to repeat more, so will you actually tell me what happened?” Lauriam asked Marluxia again.

Marluxia let out a huff, his eyes squinting a bit as he grew redder. “...it’s so fucking dumb.”

“Eh, let us tell you that, you don’t gotta declare it before we’ve even had a chance to judge.” Xaldin said, stretching his arms over his head, before draping his arms over Marluxia’s shoulders, smirking down at him, “You’re cute when you’re pouting. The hells got you so riled up?” He asked, placing a kiss at the top of his nose.

Marluxia gave Xaldin a half-hearted glare before he leaned in towards his boyfriend. Reluctantly and embarrassedly muttering, “...thought Demyx was being a shitty jerk of a gossip, but apparently not. Just…fucking dumb circumstance.”

Lauriam sighed softly. “That explains his tantrum comment, I suppose. And why he was pissed, since it wasn’t even something his fault.” He’d likely flag Demyx down before he went to sleep, then, to apologize. “But what did you think he was gossiping about?”

Marluxia just looked more flustered, and even more pissed about it. “...smm lml thgm.”

“...eh? Sorry, what?” Xaldin asked.

Dilan suddenly laughed, before smiling sheepishly, “Sorry, this just reminded me of a story Prince Kaito was telling before I left. Um, regardless, go on Marluxia.”

Lauriam gave Dilan a light glare before giving Marluxia a small nod. 

And Marluxia took a small breath…before growling in humiliated frustration. “Sam fucking put me in a limb lock.”

Lauriam frowned lightly. “Like…” He pantomimed holding someone’s arm securely. “Or like Mom’s octopus hold and what Dad used to do too.”

Marluxia’s face burned as he spat out, “The latter. And he fucking turned it into a full body hug ‘n shit.”

Lauriam’s eyes widened in alarm.

“Ah, that’s what Riku was trying to tell me. Thought the little punk was exaggerating a bit, but guess not.” Xaldin mused, giving Marluxia a kiss on the cheek, “Want daddy to go kill the beach bum, baby?”

Dilan’s face scrunched in visible repulsion, “Do. Not. Say that again.”

“I can just maim him if it helps.” Xaldin snickered.

Lauriam choked, immediately starting to hack since he swallowed what felt like an ocean of spit into his lungs. All the while looking at Xaldin like he was an alien. 

While Marluxia physically cringed, pushing Xaldin away with a weirdly reasonable amount of pressure, though that might be counteracted by him baring his teeth and holding up a fist. And most concerning at all, a few tears glimmering in acid eyes. “Get the fuck away from me!”

Trying to get his breath back, Lauriam shook his head at Xaldin, trying to get out, “This i-isn’t just - hhk - bad joking t-time, Xaldin.”

Xaldin sighed, “Alright, Dilan, tagging you in.”

Xaldin let Marluxia go, taking a few steps back. Dilan shot Xaldin a dirty look, who just shrugged with a small smile back, before carefully reaching for Marluxia’s hand, “I’m sorry, Xaldin is a boar sometimes.”

“Bear, but sure.” Xaldin muttered.

“Are you okay? I mean, I know you’re not, but…this really affected you.”

Marluxia huffed and grumbled indistinctly, but he didn’t pull his hand away from Dilan. He just looked…embarrassed and frustrated, trying to blink the tears out of his eyes so he could deny they were ever there, but it didn’t seem like he was any closer to explaining anything more. 

But there was someone who knew more. 

Ever since hearing that accusation, even if it was wrong, Lauriam…tried. He wanted to try considering Marluxia more. For the other half of his soul, just as he was the other half of Marluxia’s, and that was something Lauriam really did believe even with the ideas of ‘different types of humans’ and all that, Lauriam would be…crushed. Causing Marluxia that sort of pain. 

So it wasn’t exactly something he wanted to explain over the Chibi. 

(But there was something about the nature of certain Chibis, at least. Their function, because for all they may be considered their own forms of life, they still had them. Certain aspects of creation that they couldn’t escape, same for any time of life, even if they types were different.)

(And because of what had happened to Lauriam and Marluxia, a history of severe stress and injury, close death encounters, an entire reformat of their mind in which the roles made there were a bit…fluid.)

(What came out of Lauriam’s mouth felt like an instinctual urge he couldn’t deny.)

(A Chibi fulfilling his role.)

“...Mom can put almost anyone in a hold, she just has the technique for it,” Lauriam said after a moment, nervously licking his lips, “But for a lot of people… I mean, Marluxia doesn’t have a lot of issues just fighting people. But for you guys…or people we know are your friends, he wouldn’t want to seriously hurt them. So there’s only so much protest he puts up. And…if that kind of bodily submission, um… If it turns more affectionate…”

Lauriam flusteredly gestured a bit vaguely before clearing his throat. “We told you before. That kind of thing gets him really horny.”

“...”

“.......”

“...........and yet I get pushed off. The hells, man, did I just not hold tight enough?”

“Xaldin,” Dilan hissed, before looking softly back at Marluxia, “So, is that what happened? Did you get… embarrassed?”

Lauriam gave Xaldin a dry look. “I think it was the kink joke while he’s embarrassed about people spreading around a weakness. Seriously, after everything…’daddy’?”

Marluxia just turned away more, but held Dilan’s hand tighter. His terse, muttered words made out as, “...I am not cheating on you guys.”

Dilan’s eyes widened lightly… before he tilted his head slightly, “It’s literally never occurred to me you would.”

Holding Marluxia’s hand a little tighter, Dilan said softly, “Would it be in bad taste to pull you into a hug right now?”

“Marluxia feeling submissive in hugs is a ‘weakness’, if you want to call it that.” Xaldin said, “But man, it’s fine if you feel horny with other people, it doesn’t bother me. I get horny in every fight I’m in. No exceptions.”

“And I don’t know, is it that serious that our guy here got a boner from a cool-down hug?” Xaldin sighed, brushing some of his dreads back over his shoulder, “I get it, the joke was badly timed, but I sure didn’t think this was a ‘no joking matter’. You could break any hold you’re in if you really want to, you’re not cheating on us and no one here is dumb enough to think you would, and it’s fine that your body isn’t one hundred percent under your control, all the time. You’re not a freak or anything for getting aroused at stuff. Most damn normal thing about you.”

“I mean, I’d kill the guy if anything did happen,” Xaldin shrugged, “But that’s a next step thing, not a first step thing.”

Marluxia shook his head a little and tucked it against Dilan’s chest when his boyfriend did pull him into a hug. Just glaring miserably off to the side as Xaldin talked. He…knew it was “fine” to get horny from dumb shit. Way back when, when Dilan explained to him that there wasn’t anything wrong with how his and Lauriam’s body reacted to shit, Marluxia had clung to that reasoning. Bunch of impersonal science bullshit that… That meant they hadn’t enjoyed being violated and hadn’t asked to be raped. 

He didn’t even really get aroused from what Sam had done. As Lauriam said, there were two factors that dictated the path that got Marluxia moaning under someone. There had to be a certain amount of trust and unwillingness to hurt the person trying to subdue him. And there had to be a degree of physical affection he was unable to pull away from. The incident with Sam had only been the first--he didn’t know the guy, but his character did, and Sam was Demyx’s friend--though there had been just enough that was close to nuzzling that Marluxia just felt…alarmed. And scared. And angry. 

“Was an accident, no way he’d know,” Marluxia grumbled, “‘cause Dem-Dem didn’t actually tell him.” It’d feel like a betrayal if he had. Something he had totally been able to see Demyx mentioning off-hand, not realizing it, which was why he…

Lauriam rubbed the back of his neck a bit anxiously. “It’s kind of scary not just because of the sexual part, right? Ideally, because you would just break away from someone you didn’t trust, the people we do wouldn’t pin you for weird reasons. But that doesn’t really make feeling yourself go limp any less alarming…” He looked around the field nervously. “I mean, I was gonna - oh shoot.”

Sighing, Lauriam rubbed his forehead. He forgot. Shit.

“Well, you know. I need to ask everyone about the ‘knocking me out’ stuff anyway. I can phrase it as more of a body thing than a ‘me’-me thing, so that’d discourage people doing it to you too?”

Marluxia just grunted.

“Knocking you out thing?” Xaldin asked, looking over to Lauriam.

“Xaldin, perhaps play the quiet game with yourself for a bit.” Dilan said, lightly rubbing Marluxia’s back. 

“Uh huh,” Xaldin said, giving Dilan a briefly dark look, before focusing back on Lauriam, “Have we talked about this before? Explain it to me like I have no idea what you mean.”

“That was a normal question,” Lauriam grumbled at Dilan, before he gave both him and Xaldin more sheepish looks. “I meant to bring it up sooner, just got sidetracked…”

Taking a breath, Lauriam, er, did his best not to shy away from looking his boyfriends in the eye. “Through one of my discussions in therapy, Dr. Mariah suggested that dealing with moments of high emotion by knocking me out isn’t the best solution anymore. Both for the stress it brings you all in having to subdue me, but for me in not developing any real skills to manage my own stress. S-so I wanted to bring up to the group that we try out…not. Doing that anymore.”

Lauriam sweated a bit, looking between Dilan and Xaldin. “Maybe.”

Xaldin and Dilan both glanced at each other. Dilan still rubbing Marluxia’s back, while Xaldin crossed his arms, “...so, what, we’re not asking Namine to tranq you anymore? Or are we just not going to war with the literal mental illnesses in everyone’s head anymore? If it’s the second one, we should tell those nerds Ienzo and Zexion. That shit they had us do to the other Zexions and the damn screaming room still gives me nightmares.”

“I feel like it’s an exaggeration to say we literally go to war with each other when anything comes up on the island–”

“Two of us have literally had to die before to convince the other two to get the hell over themselves, let’s maybe not immediately dismiss my point that fixing anything going on mentally with any of us tends to mean big, violent gestures.” Xaldin scowled, before he sighed, “No, okay, all of that aside… would you stop looking at me like you think I’m about to slug you for asking to not be knocked out anymore? You’re making me feel like an asshole, dandelion, the hell do you think our relationship is?”

“What Xaldin might be poorly trying to say, is of course, Lauriam. We don’t want to hurt you either way.” Dilan said, “Though, I’m also a little lost on exactly what you’re asking for. Asking us not to hurt you is straightforward, and of course I can promise it on my end. But you soothing yourself… I’m not sure you can ‘self-soothe’ a seizure…”

Lauriam flushed a bit, shifting uncomfortably. “I think her emotion domes are part of it, though telling her that is…going to be its own conversation, I think. Part of what I’m trying to ease away from is the fact that she feels personally responsible for my emotions, but I think it’ll be difficult asking her to completely stop because she already feels personally responsible. And…I mean, I really hope that none of us get to the point of full on war again.”

There was a snotty sniffle from Dilan’s chest, Marluxia’s gaze low, but looking more thoughtful than downcast. “...Dad choked me out when I tried to leave.”

The rest of the points on Lauriam’s lips died as he grimaced. Because while it did usually look like Lauriam being pacified by their family, it did happen to Marluxia too. Maybe it was a bit thoughtless of him to only consider trying to make his request about their whole body just now.

“Ah, yeah, I remember that. If it makes you feel any better, he was a messy crier about it later.” Xaldin said, the ‘joke’ sounding stiff even from him. That had been a tough day. Terra had acted like the world was ending himself. And honestly, Xaldin still didn’t know if it should have taken that much. Yeah, they were trying to keep Marluxia from possibly lobotomizing himself at the time, Terra had done it because he was trying to save his kids life. But still… it had been more violent than Xaldin was used to seeing Terra being. To his kids, anyway.

It was hard, because Xaldin knew Marluxia had really intended to go through with it. So had Terra. How many choices did you have when someone was trying to kill themselves in front of you?

But then again… maybe it wouldn’t have killed him. And Marluxia could have just left. And shit… was that really something to choke the guy out about? He wasn’t a damn prisoner to the island…

Well. Any more than any of them were prisoners to the island. Or prisoners to their Somebodies. There were just certain realities that were inescapable for them. And Marluxia’s dangerous bid for freedom had needed handling…

“Dilan has a point. Didn’t we say that these fits you guys have were seizures? How do you self-soothe that? Thought that was, like, your body spazzing out or something?” Xaldin frowned.

Lauriam sighed softly, running a hand through his hair. “I know. That issue is the whole reason Luis told Namine that her doming me would be helpful. And I know my body’s all fucked up…”

His eyes lowered. “...if I can manage to self-soothe before a threat of seizure comes up, though? That’d be loads better than you guys having to bring me back from the brink, having to see me on the brink. Some might come up out of nowhere, it feels like that sometimes… But they tend to happen because I’m stressed out, but it’s not like any amount of stress immediately has my brain shutting down. So if I can manage that…”

There was a shaky huff from Marluxia. “How? You have a pretty abysmal track record there, La-La.”

That seemed to make Lauriam flounder a bit.

“Well, we know this works,” Dilan said, wrapping his arms more firmly around Marluxia, bringing him in tighter, “But I don’t know if that’s ‘self-soothing’ or not. It might at least calm you enough to think of something else?”

“But it’d literally only work around certain people. We’ve got Flower over here near in tears cause someone else did it to him. We’d have to be available all the time.” Xaldin pointed out.

“We literally are.” Dilan said dryly, “We’re connected through the mind, if you recall. And it’s never been subtle, when they’re distressed. Everyone feels it, to an extent. We could literally just head over to hold them, rather than carve their metaphorical heads in.”

Marluxia sagged slightly in Dilan’s arms as he held him tighter, starting to feel a bit jelly-like. If it weren’t so serious, he might consider that he’d start to be having a bit of a hard time following the conversation.

Lauriam gave Dilan a tired, but not ungrateful look. “What part of ‘self’ includes people that aren’t Marluxia and me? Look, I… Yes, it’d help. It’s helpful for Namine to numb our emotions before our brain shuts down, for someone to look through my eyes to confirm if I’m hallucinating or not, to come by to be comforting when we’re upset. Those are things that we’ve worked out are helpful!”

His shoulders dropped. “But it’s not either of us ever learning to handle our emotions better. And we can’t learn that if we’re stopped before we - before I get the chance to try.” Lauriam’s lids lowered. “One of the biggest reasons I agreed to go to therapy in the first place is because I hate always being such a massive burden on you guys. And don’t just say that I’m trying to dismiss what family does for each other!”

“You can’t say that everyone doesn’t call me a bomb waiting to explode, and have for years! And - and that sucks! I don’t want to be someone the people I love have to be cautious around, or that they anticipate that I’ll be this huge moment of drama!! I hate being someone that my family has to worry about me killing myself! I hate that people expect arguments and horrible ideas and that people have to keep an eye on not because they just want to swing by to hang out, but because I’m distressed!!” Lauriam sucked in a quick breath, his face lightly flushed from the steady rise of emotion as he said all that. “I just…want to stop being someone that always is on the verge of putting us into emergency mode. I can ask you for help, but I can’t have you all managing my emotions for me.”

Dilan gave Lauriam a worried look. “Laurie…”

“Ah, damn, would you calm down a little? Damn.” Xaldin muttered, stepping towards Lauriam and, with a little huff, grabbing his arm and pulling him into a hug, “Yeah, yeah, I know we’re literally talking about self-soothing, but shut up. Just let me hold you, you’re making me sad.”

“It is something you should expect from us, we are your family. Just to be clear.” Dilan said, “And look, it’s not always easy, but it’s not easy when it’s any of us. And it’s certainly not just you. We love you, Lauriam, you managing your emotions doesn’t have to be something you do for us.”

“I just… it would be… it’s hard not to want things to be better for you,” Dilan smiled weakly, “and it’s hard to always know how to help, on our end. You’ve pointed out all the things we’ve worked out, but I don’t think we actually follow through on those methods very often. We fail you fairly often.”

“I love you, why wouldn’t I want to be better?” Lauriam weakly countered as he let Xaldin pull him into a hug, loosely wrapping his arms around the Chibi’s waist. And despite wanting to get his point across, Lauriam did feel…better. Getting a hug. He wasn’t asking to never receive comfort or affection anymore, he just…

He sighed tiredly, resting his head on Xaldin’s shoulder. “...Dr. Mariah said something about that, actually. But I know I can get lost in the weeds trying to explain things.”

“...think she’d accuse you of controlling abuse again if someone else came with you?” Marluxia sleepily taunted.

Lauriam only cringed.

“If she does, she’s probably not the right therapist for you anyway.” Dilan said, scoffing, “Still absolutely outrageous.”

“It feels like the whole ‘everythings gotta be a secret’ thing is slowing us down with your therapy nonsense. You share a head with a dozen other people, just tell her to get over it and be okay with the fact other people are going to be a part of it.” Xaldin scoffed, he and Dilan for once looking a little alike, “Like, shit, we are not typical cases. It’s not like we can give each other any real privacy anyway.”

“Yeah…” Lauriam sighed, rocking his knuckles lightly along Xaldin’s lower back. “It made sense when she said it, I think. Like the bit about you guys not just being at my beck and call whenever there was something I decided you should weigh in on. I don’t get all of her points there, but that sounds reasonable, at least. I think it’d go better if it was decided before my appointment who was going to be there? But I don’t know… It’s confusing.”

Marluxia huffed, though there wasn’t any bite in it. “You said you’re keeping on going to try and be better, but all I’ve heard is her just confusing you and making you feel bad. What’s the point, talking to someone who doesn’t get it?”

Lauriam was quiet, trying to think of an answer.

“Well, maybe you going with him to see what’s going on would help,” Xaldin said to Marluxia, shrugging a little, “He must be getting something out of it, otherwise why keep going. But like I said, it seems like she’s a bit over her head with us. Maybe talking to you both rather than individually will fill in some blanks with her.”

“Would you come with me next time, Marluxia?” Lauriam asked, just straight out.

“...”

“...well duh,” Marluxia scoffed, the sound barely a rumble and slightly muffled as he pressed his face against Dilan’s collarbone. “Like I’d say no with you asking.”

-

As much as Lauriam truly, genuinely, entirely wanted to spend the last few moments of his evening--early morning, whatever--with his boyfriends, there was something he wanted to do before morning truly broke. 

Lauriam really considered himself lucky he never lost his taste for swimming. Though that wasn’t exactly a requisite for going to Demyx’s world. Jumping into the pool under the waterfall, Lauriam let the currents sweep him away until he stumbled onto the stage, looking around to hopefully not find the signs of Demyx already being asleep.

“Demyx?” he called out, bubbles wobbling playfully from his mouth.

“He’s chilling beneath the circle of fishes down there,” Larxene called from up in the stands, reading a book as her foot was rubbed by one of the mannequins she used to practice her performances on, “bottom of the vortex, can’t miss him. Don’t worry about running into Guppy. He’s in The Depths.”

Flicking through the book, she whistled lightly, “Sure you want to bother him? He’s still pissed about today. He’s listening to emo music down there.”

Lauriam turned around, relaxing a bit at the sight of Larxene. If she was chilling out, then that definitely meant Demyx wasn’t going to sleep any time soon. …which probably wasn’t great, but out of most people in their family, Lauriam wasn’t overly concerned about Demyx getting a half-night’s sleep every now and then. 

“Hello, Larxene, thank you,” Lauriam nodded, before smiling softly, “He might prefer to work things out by himself, but I really should talk to him. Did you have a good game session? I’m sorry I didn’t get to hear your tale in the post-game.”

“Eh, you didn’t miss much. I’m recruiting Vexen and Xaldin to come up with a god-killing plan for me. I think it’s going to lead us to recruiting Xion and Roxas as, like, the two who are actually going to carry out the plan they make. It’s all gonna lead to us going and fighting folks either way. My guess is the god of our city is gonna make it our problem before we even go seek her out, she strikes me as the ‘accidentally make an enemy out of her followers’ type.” Larxene scoffed, “Word to the wise? Don’t ask to be a politician in these games. Amaina put in all the boring, realistic bits. Duuuull.”

Larxene didn’t ask how Marluxia was doing. She’d find out the next day, when she went to go poke him. By now he was probably fine anyway, Lauriam wouldn’t be here otherwise.

Down within the vortex, Demyx was floating on his back, watching the fish swim around above him. He was, indeed, listening to emo-ass music. It dully verberated through the water, not terribly loud, but pervasive, coming from all directions. 

The music lessened when Demyx saw he had a visitor, Demyx raising an eyebrow as he watched Lauriam swim down. “Dude, it’s so late that it’s basically tomorrow. Seriously, you’re doing this now?”

Lauriam huffed an amused sound. “Sounds more like you just ended up in the wrong town. Though I’m happier that the politician I punched out wasn’t you.”

Giving Larxene a wave, Lauriam jumped off the stage and aimed for the vortex, having to semi-clumsily adjust his trajectory with frantic swimming once or twice. But eventually he did make it past the circle of fish and into the swirl. Feeling a bit…cautious, about the music choice down there, definitely not Demyx’s usual fare, but that just giving him more confidence in being there.

“Sorry,” Lauriam gave him a small smile as he sank down, “but I didn’t just want to leave the night without giving you an apology. We don’t always catch each other in the morning, and it felt bad leaving it for a whole day.”

Bowing, Lauriam said softly, “I’m really sorry about Marluxia yelling at you and Sam, Demyx. He got freaked out, but that’s not a good reason for taking it out on you.”

Demyx’s nose wrinkled in irritation… before he sighed, looking back up at the vortex. “Yeah. Thanks man. I appreciate you swimming down to say that.”

Lauriam’s shoulders dropped a bit as he straightened back up. “...does it make it any better to hear that he feels awful about it? You know him,” Lauriam smiled weakly, “it’ll start snowing in the capital before Marluxia plainly apologizes to someone. But he does feel terrible about accusing you.”

“Accusing me?” Demyx asked, looking genuinely confused for a second… before he sighed, “Oh, right. That. Yeah, I dunno, that’s… you don’t have to come down here to apologize for Marluxia, Lauriam. I’m not expecting one from him, I don’t need one from you. I’m just going to be mad for a while and then I won’t be. It doesn’t need to be a thing.”

“You still deserve to get one,” Lauriam said softly. “He’d yell at me for even insinuating it, but Marluxia’s not always right, and you shouldn’t just have to take his lashing out because he’s too embarrassed to acknowledge it. You have all the right in the world to be mad and be it for a while on your own terms, but you should still get an apology for what happened in the first place.”

Lauriam smiled weakly. “You’re our friend, not a punching bag.”

“Yeah, I shouldn’t be. But that’s not gonna help either of us, is it.” Demyx muttered, “He’s just always going to be a dick to us. No matter what. And then it’s gonna be us going around him, reassuring each other it’s all still fine somehow… sorry, Lauriam. I’m just mad. He shouldn’t have yelled at Sam.”

Lauriam rubbed the back of his neck, pausing for a moment before mumbling, “No more than I’m a dick to him, really…”

“And he shouldn’t have yelled… There wasn’t any way Sam would’ve known,” Lauriam frowned a bit, “But I think it’s understandable at least. Like…like you’d get Ienzo snapping at someone if they tugged his right arm up suddenly, right?”

“...sure,” Demyx sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, “Lauriam, seriously, you don’t have to come down here to convince me Marluxia’s upset, or Marluxia’s sorry, or that Marluxia was right. Marluxia doesn’t care what I think about any of this, and it just feels bad watching you try to care on his behalf, alright? I’m not going to be mad in a few hours, Marluxia is already over it. You don’t need to heal any bridges.”

There was an apology on Lauriam’s lips, but by the end of Demyx’s point, Lauriam could only look at him for a moment. “...he does care about you. Demyx, it sounds like you care more about what Marluxia said to Sam, so maybe this just sucks more to you, but the biggest reason Marluxia’s close to crying right now is because he was shitty to you. He cares that you’re upset, and that you’re upset because of him. You…get that, right?”

“Lauriam, man, what do you want from me!?” Demyx asked, sitting up and giving Lauriam an honestly bewildered look, “I already accepted his proxy apology from you, what, do I need to be more grateful for it? Thanks, Marluxia, glad you explained yourself to someone else after you were mean to my friend and then dragged me around in front of all the people we hang out with that isn’t you to be a dick to me in public? Glad you were upset after flipping me off in front of everyone and leaving in a huff!? Thank you?? I really appreciate it!”

Lauriam startled, taking a step back, “No, I…!”

Wilting, Lauriam looked to the side. “...sorry. I’ll stop bothering you.” And in a swirl of eelgrass he was gone. Left with the distinct feeling he’d just made things worse.

-

In Termina, the gods of the land were built up with the proper aplomb and grandeur meant for the divine. Clever to the point of omniscience, strong to the point of claiming entire regions for themselves, respected to gain the reverence of societies. 

In the west, southwest, and south of Danganronpa, a few scattered young adults and children didn’t feel so sublime. But it was still fun to pretend. 

“Melina,” 18-year-old Ranni Caria nudged her sister from ‘sleep’, “I should check your bandages before we go back to sleep.”

{Noooooo BAHAHAHAHA!!} a deep but boisterous voice rang through her head, clearer than a lot of outside thoughts came in these days, but likely because Ranni had long since severed herself from the Hivemind, and Radahn had long since acclimated to using her more private methods. Much to Ranni’s dismay. {I almost had them!! Just you wait, I’m totally going to get the first player kills, they’re already at my doorstep.}

“Good morning, I suppose,” Melina sighed, sitting up with a wince, “Amaina, while I will always be grateful for what you’ve done for us, up to and including inviting us to your game… those long nights in your land really do leave me exhausted the next day.”

OoO that’s not just my fault you are hella injured

Amaina fluttered around them, wearing little fairy wings, so small and glowing that if you didn’t know how she often looked otherwise, you might mistake her for a little ball of light. Something that had confused the group quite a bit when they had first started talking to each other through her, Amaina presenting herself as a small, doll-like figure to some of them, and then as a little ball of fairy light to others.

To this day, none of them were entirely sure why she had done it. But this strange mind creature had appeared to them during the Calamity, and had offered to be their guides out of Danganronpa. Scattered, on their own, with a ton of infighting happening among a group that had been under perfect unison not moments before? They had accepted the strange creatures help. And Amaina hadn’t let them down yet. 

Ranni was immediately at Melina’s side, analytical eyes looking her over for the greatest areas of pain or injury. All things considered, Melina was recovering incredibly well from her severe burns, something that, while absolutely more dangerous to Flora, was something that could definitely kill a human quickly. On the other, well…

“That does tend to make many aspects of life more difficult,” Messmer’s soft voice mused. His body still exactly as unmoving as it’d been a moment ago, so while Ranni glanced over, she continued helping Melina sit up. 

Sometimes she could only chuckle at the irony of it all. All the pains she’d undergone to try and free herself from the strings of fate, only to end up playing nurse for two of her siblings in one of the greatest eras of freedom Flora had. There were only so many things you could detach yourself from, she supposed. 

“Are we just getting up then?” she sighed. “The sun hasn’t even come up. I know we’ve been trying to get early starts but this is a bit excessive.” Though, she sniffed lightly. “And plenty of the players are near our arenas, just because Radahn saw some of them doesn’t mean he’ll win the bet.”

“Hah~ you should thank me. I had to literally stand between some of the players and Malenia,” Melina smiled lightly, wincing slightly in pain as her bandages were redressed, “All early levels too. She’d have slaughtered them. I’m going to try to level them up a bit before they get close to her again.”

It didn’t hurt as much as it used to. Little by little, the burns were healing, though she knew she still couldn’t guess the extent of the scarring they’d leave behind. She was still just grateful to be alive at all. For a moment there, she had been determined not to. Anything, to ensure the vile tyrant could not force her way back into her family’s mind. 

But Ranni had saved them, and Messmer had saved her. And when one is loved like that? Sometimes it was just enough to be grateful for that, and let it guide you on.

…well, that, and a strange mind creature who was keeping their path safe in the day and giving them something else to think about at night.

“Earlier days means it will be cooler for longer. The sun will slow us down even more than not getting enough sleep would.” Melina mused. 

Ranni gave Melina an apologetic look but didn’t slow down or try to be gentler. The best thing she could do for her older sister was to get it all over with quickly. It wouldn’t save her from the pain throughout the day, but until they got closer to the border towns that could potentially have pain killers in any shops still open, just having the supplies to keep her and Messmer’s injuries clean and dressed was lucky enough. 

Ranni didn’t often regret the paths of study she took, but perhaps having one or two healing spells like her brothers would’ve been helpful. 

“Ah, I had a feeling you two had planned something when you both chose to have a base at the tree,” Messmer hummed, a warm pride in his voice. “I look forward to hearing the fallout as it comes.”

“Mid-spring comes with surprising heat… Have more of the trees bloomed?”

There hadn’t really been a need for any of them to adjust to Messmer’s blind side before. He seemed just fine with one eye on his own, and he could just see what was going on through their perspectives when they were in a group. 

Now with both of his eyes gone--Ranni had managed to recover his seal, and it was looking like the burnt out one was going to grow back--and his only physical companions one sister who had never been able to connect, and another that had purposefully severed herself, it had been a…learning experience for all of them.

“Mhm. We’re under one full of white flowers right now,” Melina said, looking up at the tree they had rested under, “And quite a few of them around us have already started to shed their petals for bright green leaves. It’s quite beautiful. I expect pollen will start to blow once the morning winds pick up.”

Melina gave her sister a small, grateful look once she was finished, before sighing as she got up, wincing as her back popped a bit. “Shall we eat our breakfast bars and then set out?” The breakfast bars weren’t the most appetizing things in the world–pressed together granola, nuts, and berries, all held firm with honey–but they were useful as fuel. And Melina had been sincere in her thought process of getting an early start to beat the weather. It was only going to get more true as the days went on, and late spring became early summer. 

“It sounds so… Despite the drive of our travel, it seems a shame to not have the privilege and means to press some of them. It might be nice having a record of our path through the country once we are in Dicea, remembering the more beautiful parts of home that we’ll be losing.”

“We’ll lose a lot more than memories if we never make it there,” Ranni drawled as she helped Messmer up next, not much she could do for his bandages right now. “Yeah, let’s eat and get a move on. No doubt Miquella will reach out in a few hours offering to help us sleep.”

{It’s important! You don’t have to sound like I’m tying you to a bed!}

{Brother darling, Miquella, perhaps it’s a touch too early to be shouting through the link, yesss?}

“I’ll pick up a few on the path along the way. We can press them tonight before bed between the poetry book.” Melina said, going over to where Ranni had helped Messmer up and offering him a hand around his arm, expecting to guide his footsteps down the path, “Amaina, how long should we expect to be on this road?”

OoO uuuuuuh hold on

U_U

O.O ask me again tomorrow

Melina sighed. “This would all be so much faster with a horse and carriage…”

{Sorry, Rykard.}

{Hey, what’s a better wake-up call, Ry? You’re basically sleeping during the game anyway, no one’s getting inside a volcano for ages.} Radahn snickered. 

{Radahn, it’s still early}, Messmer chided, before he gave Melina a small smile, feeling her at his side. “Thank you, Melina.”

Ranni echoed Melina’s sigh at Amaina’s answer. “We’d have to find one first. And we saw what the roads outside of Battiloro looked like, and that was with Marika still maintaining some semblance of control. We’d be faster, but susceptible for ambush, and I don’t want to take that chance with you two out of commission.”

“People are desperate, not monsters,” Messmer reminded. “But we wouldn’t be able to pay for travel at those desperation fees either. And I wouldn’t want to risk you trying to steal a horse and carriage on your own, Ranni.”

“Well, silver linings? I’m certainly, physically stronger now than I’ve ever been in my life,” Melina smiled a touch weakly, as the three started their slow walk forward, “I think back to when we first started running, and in retrospect I’m astounded how often I needed to take a break. I never quite considered myself ‘weak’ in our parents home, but now I wonder if my legs must have been sticks back then, and I just never had the comparison to notice.”

“For one, you were more injured than you are in recovery now,” Ranni reminded, before she gave her sister some side-eye. “And two, with all respect to Hoarah Loux, humans are one of the physically weaker peoples on Basacta.”

“Yes, the big, strong elf is expecting to hit seven feet by her 20s,” Messmer sighed, unaffected by Ranni’s glare even if he had been able to see it. “It’s not a ‘human’ thing. Muscles and stamina take dedicated effort to develop, regardless of the advantages genetics give you. Though, yes.” He brushed the tips of his fingers against Melina’s arm. “We were both incredibly injured. Provost Caria would’ve been aghast at us moving around at all, if she didn’t understand the necessity.”

Ranni’s lips tightened as she looked back at the road. Last she heard her mother was still alright. And she had enough faith in her to believe that was still true.

Melina tsked lightly, giving Ranni dry, amused look to match Messmer, though she allowed her brother to come to her defense on her behalf. Melina had learned to take such slights on the chin from a young age. Her siblings did not devalue her, per se. But humans were human, and Flora were Flora, and no one had truly forgotten that even in a home as benevolent to the lesser species as her own.

Melina was a pet, yes. But she had always been a daughter and sister first. And now, as they moved further and further to the border… her status even as a pet might be in question…

Melina did not know what to think of that, so she didn’t think much of it at all yet. She’d wait to see what the world outside of Danganronpa was actually like, before she considered herself truly, legally free, as her Floral siblings all were.

“I think we’re managing alright, all things considered.” Melina smiled lightly, guiding Messmer gently around a hole in the dirt, “I reckon all of our parents would be quite proud, to see how resourceful we all are in an emergency. Unexpected miracles notwithstanding.” Melina said, glancing over at Amaina, who was idly spinning around in circles above them.

“Grace will find those seeking it, even those bereft of gold,” Messmer murmured, noting the small dip in the ground Melina nudged him around. That old poem seemed particularly relevant now. The gold of splendor ripped from Flora, their superiority tumbling like a house of cards, but hope not lost for those seeking to be more than just deadened limbs for the former queen. Though, Messmer had thought on its meaning ever since he first heard the poem, even if Marika had never left even her most cursed child without gold. It was only him taking it out himself that had left him tarnished. 

Or near ashes, more accurately. 

…oh Mother. 

“It was Mother’s wish that we’d all flee for our own safety, rather than weather and try to rebuild at home,” he reiterated, more for himself than to do anything with Melina’s point. “That decision would’ve taken the faith to believe we’d be alright. I think we’re proving it correct, at any rate.”

“We’re not dead,” Ranni agreed with a shrug. “I know my mom was encouraging about us being able to expand our knowledge beyond what the kingdom stifled, and Blaidd was curious about the surviving werewolf clans in Dicea, but I have questions about what Marika was expecting, sending us off. Expecting only safety seems oddly short-sighted for her.”

“You never saw her chasing after Godwyn in our youth,” Messmer rebutted warmly.

Melina wasn’t sure what to say to that. Ranni was correct, they couldn’t have possibly been asked to run for their safety. Perhaps Dicea would offer refuge, yes… but Dicea was far away. Danganronpa a massive kingdom.

(Melina tried not to let her heart hurt, knowing they were leaving behind these rolling, vast greens for new lands. She had no love for their queen, and certainly Flora society had bruised and battered her in a thousand small ways as a Human living among them…)

(But their kingdom was beautiful. And Melina was going to miss the beauty of it all.)

(...)

(Maybe not all the rain. It rained a LOT in Danganronpa.)

“Perhaps her order was half quest?” Melina mused, not really believing her own proposal, just thinking aloud as she said, “Back before the rule of Junko, Flora proved themselves through quests. You all would go out into the world, and collect deeds one could be proud of, write in your ledgers proving your worth. Acts of healing, acts of bravery, acts of nursing, all to justify the last hundred years of your lives… it all sounds very romantic. For however true that history is.”

“It is…though it’s a heavy burden to try to justify, or perhaps reconcile, the last thousand years of torment through personal acts. And particularly beginning that quest as refugees in need of healing and bravery. Though,” Messmer conceded, “no great movement can begin without the combined efforts of personal acts.”

“You really talk like you’re 240 instead of 24 sometimes,” Ranni huffed, her eyes lidding as she gave Messmer a side-glance. To varying extents they all fell into more formal speaking patterns, just a fact of how they had been raised, but there were some among them that leaned into it harder. “We aren’t bound by a fate we hardly had a hand in. Yes, we benefited from a social structure that gave our parents power, but of all our siblings you two cannot say that same structure gave you the benefit of, oh, let’s just throw out there, living somewhere where you didn’t have to hide that you exist.”

“We aren’t doomed by the past, we’re free to make our own decisions and treat our lives as our own,” she declared with grim determination. Though, some softness broke through as she gave Melina a slightly flustered glance. “...choosing to spend that life and make decisions in the aid of others seems like a fine path to walk, though.”

“Exactly.” Melina smiled warmly back at Ranni. Her sister was sweet, in her prickly way. “I don’t know if I have lived a life that deserves apology or repentance. That doesn’t mean I don’t dream of living a life worthwhile though. One full of purpose, and meaning.”

“Perhaps neither of those things are in old traditions that are likely more myth than anything else,” Melina admitted softly, looking back to the road, “Perhaps, as a human, those old traditions are not even mine to reclaim… but still…”

Her still good eye caught the light of the morning sun as she smiled. “As I said. It’s very romantic. There are worse dreams to have.”

-

Lauriam opened his eyes Tuesday morning and saw a rotting corpse in the mirror. 

He didn’t really react to that objectively horrifying sight. He didn’t move at all, and if anything, there was only a dull, muted recognition of it. It wasn’t that unusual to recognize your own body. 

Lauriam laid in bed a little longer--an actual bed, though it was just on the ground for now, but that was leagues and leagues more luxurious than his old pallet, or even heaping bedding in a pile on the ground which had been his initial plan until he bought and moved in all the parts of a proper bed, before Linnea had overheard and given him a worried look, and conscripted Aced and Aeleus into going mattress shopping with him and carrying it up into his new apartment--and it was…quiet. 

No sounds of other people in the same space, no calls for him to get up. No plans made that he needed to get up and ready for immediately. For the first time in his life, Lauriam had his own space, all and utterly his. 

So he could just rot for hours if he wanted to. 

…not entirely true. He had therapy today. 

He could skip? …he was meant to bring up to Dr. Mariah about Marluxia coming to the next session for the whole time. Marluxia would be so annoyed having to delay it another session.

With creaking, grinding bones barely held together by shifting sinew and sagging flesh, Lauriam pulled himself up. And sat at the edge of his bed for a few moments. A burn like ethanol sliding down his throat and a wobbly haze tilting his brain. 

…he should shower. Brush teeth, hair, wash his face, address problem spots. Get dressed. 

Lauriam looked at the exposed bones in his arm, the rotting meat hanging low from gravity. He’d probably clog his pipes immediately. 

For the first time since he’d woken up outside the factory, Lauriam put on his factory sweats and dragged himself outside, walking to Dr. Mariah’s office in a daze.

Dr. Mariah had greeted Lauriam in the usual fashion, and the two sat in her office. As was normal for her, her expression was a calm, even, neutral thing, appraising and ever so slightly stern. She found it was a persona people did not necessarily warm up to, but did take seriously. And most of her patients, like Shuichi with Ford, preferred a therapist who took them seriously over anything else.

So Dr. Mariah did not react to the… smell. In any outwardly notable way, as she glanced down to the stained, haggard fabric Lauriam was wearing, back up to his dead-eyed expression. She merely asked, “How are you feeling today?”

“Average,” Lauriam mumbled, shrugging slightly. He was looking at the fish tank more today. Even with more of their sessions, it had never stopped being a total amazement to him, and while Dr. Mariah had explained that the fish were calming for some patients, that novelty usually made them more of a distraction for him. Today, though, he mostly seemed to be looking through it, like he really could see out into the rest of the ocean beyond the glass. 

There was a small part of him that noted that Dr. Mariah had gotten new plants in her office. That was cool, he guessed, but they didn’t look great. Wide, mottled leaves far too big for the pots they were in so they flopped over the rim and onto the ground. Too burdened by their own weight with not enough energy to lift up. She did say she was into living decorations. 

“...” Lauriam seemed to forget how to speak for a moment, before he muttered, “Mars’n I are going to start decorating our apartment over the next few days.”

“Is that something you’re looking forward to?” Dr. Mariah asked, following Lauriam’s glance. He kept looking at her empty corners.

“Mhmm,” Lauriam hummed without any enthusiasm, “Never gotten to decorate anything like this before. Mars’ really excited. Wants to find cool furniture ‘n stuff. Art.”

People decorated crypts, he knew. Dilan had told him all sorts of stories about the ways different peoples decorated crypts and graves over the ages, so there was worth in putting effort into a nice place to put a corpse. And it’d make Marluxia happy. 

…he hoped he wasn’t dropping off any body pieces on Dr. Mariah’s couch. That’d be embarrassing. He half thought he’d dropped something in the street, but there was a part of him that knew that if he stopped at all he wouldn’t be able to make the rest of the trip. Laid to rest where he stopped.

“I see,” Dr. Mariah said, “Why don’t you tell me about the layout of your new home. So I can visualize it. No detail is too small.”

For a moment, Lauriam just looked glassily at Dr. Mariah. A moment of silence too long to not be awkward anywhere but therapy. But then he nodded. 

“Um… There’s a small entryway that you can immediately get to the kitchen and main space from,” he mumbled, “The, uh… The kitchen’s on the right. I think there’s probably room in the entryway for a shoe rack so…so it’s big enough people wouldn’t be packed together in it. Um…”

Oh, he hadn’t noticed the vines at first. That was…interesting for keeping the aquarium curtain open. And he guessed the others were just for theming?

“The main space goes further, but there’s a hallway just past the kitchen, going right, that has the door to my room and the bathroom, and a linen closet. Has built in shelves, unfortunately. And from the far side of the main space, there’s a sliding door to a balcony. I’m on the second floor so…so it’s that instead of leading to the yard on the first floor, but that’s supposed to be public space anyway. I was kind of surprised by it, but I think it’s nice having some outdoor space… Um…”

“What color are the walls?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Or the floors?”

“Off-white. I’ve seen swatches in stores so I think it’d be a ‘cream’ paint. The property manager said we can paint as long as it’s not too dark, and that, um…” As Lauriam struggled to articulate what he meant by that, he--

Schlorp

Flinching, Lauriam blinked at the…chunk of algae that dropped onto the floor next to him. He slowly looked up, looking at the almost viscera-like network of dripping algae on the ceiling.

Lauriam’s confusion tasted like blue raspberry. Again, Dr. Mariah followed his eyeline, and didn’t see anything that should have caused that much confusion. Hmmm…

“Could you explain my office as well?” Dr. Mariah asked, “The same considerations I asked for with your apartment. Its shape. Its coloring. Notable details.”

Lauriam nodded slowly again and slowly looked away from the…the… 

Okay, he had no idea how to explain that. 

“...when’d you redecorate?” he mumbled, looking around at the increasing presence of sickly plants. “I…don’t think a lot of these do well indoors.”

“May I ask what you mean?” Dr. Mariah asked.

Lauriam frowned lightly. “Those are in the euphorbia family, right,” he pointed a finger that was just bone at the laden, heavy potted plants, “They’re winter plants, so they need different temperatures than most others, and they look really over watered. A lot of the water here freezes in winter so I’d guess that they’ve evolved to need less.”

“And those are right by the coleus, which are tropical plants,” he explained next. “They do like shade, but they need much warmer temperatures to thrive…and some of them look like they have some leaf rot.”

Glancing up, Lauriam warily mumbled, “...and I don’t even know how you got algae to stick up there. Or why you’d want it. They’re really good at harboring insect and parasite eggs. I…think that might be a health hazard.”

Dr. Mariah did not follow Lauriam’s gaze this time. She lightly tapped at her notebook, before asking, “Moving is often considered very stressful. While I’m certain there’s a lot to look forward to, I imagine it’s had its discomfort as well. Did you feel ready, to move?”

Lauriam gave Dr. Mariah a bewildered look for a moment before his eyes started to glaze again. He guessed it was hard to take a dead person’s opinions on something meant for the living seriously. 

“Yeah; I love my family a lot, and I don’t want to truly leave or separate from them,” Lauriam’s eyes lidded more, “but sometimes being around them every second of every day makes me feel trapped. Like I can’t ever have a moment to myself. And to certain extents, that’s just true, since we share a mind. There isn’t and never’s gonna be not being in each other’s business.”

“Having a physical space that’s just mine makes me feel like I do have somewhere I can go that’s away from them, so I can sort myself out…even if I give all of them a key and…again, they can just talk to me anyway. But it feels more like space to breathe than somewhere scary that’s away from my family.” His eyes lidded more, almost like Lauriam was about to fall asleep. “And the fears of not being able to ‘make it’ without them, or messing things up…that already happens to me. I don’t know how being a small trip away could make it worse.”

“I see,” Dr. Mariah said, noting the way Lauriam was slumping, “...I’ve never shown you the roof. The state of my office seems to concern you. Perhaps a change of space might help, some sunlight. Would you like to meet my koi fish on the roof?”

“...more confusing,” Lauriam mumbled. He didn’t want to be rude about someone’s decorating. Who cared what he thought anyway? He was dead. The dead couldn’t have opinions on anything. 

“More fish,” he noted, and…okay, um? Just move, it wasn’t like a shambling corpse was something new to him. Just…maybe…

As Lauriam had been awkwardly listing, his fingers trailed over his sweatshirt but finally seemed to find some purpose as he hooked them under his ribcage to pull himself up. 

Dr. Mariah watched as Lauriam dug his fingers into his sweatshirt, jabbing at himself. It looked painful. It’d likely leave a bruise.

“Very well,” she said, standing up, “Follow me.”

Kaito Momota was not the only one who found a small, enclosed space more difficult to speak in when one already felt vulnerable. Some folk did enjoy very small spaces for those moments, the size of roughly closets, but they tended to prefer those spaces because of the safety they provided. 

Dr. Mariah, for cases like Lauram, preferred to try open spaces first. His lethargy and sullen apathy would likely only build on itself in a calm, enclosed space. A more vibrant area with more going on to look at would wake him up a little, give his mind something to do other than create things in the stillness. 

It likely wouldn’t solve the issue, but it might help ease the symptom a bit, as she opened the door and said, “Here we go. Please, feel free to take any seat you like, my hanging chairs are all quite comfortable. You may pet the koi fish if you like, they do enjoy it, but you will need to wash your hands in the sink over there after. Don’t mind our neighbors, if any of them are out and about on their roofs. They can’t hear us.”

Lauriam nodded absently. Water and rot tended to not go together well and he didn’t want to get Dr. Mariah’s fish sick. Regardless of her philosophy towards them, he did get the idea that she took a lot of care in taking good care of them. A thoughtfulness and consideration in the well-being and quality of life for creatures she admitted didn’t think much of her at all. 

It was sunny out. This was a space in a building that was out of it. That a lot of buildings had, Dr. Mariah’s neighbors out on their own roofs, where you were in a place and could still enjoy the sun.

Lauriam slumped on the bare roof in full sunlight. “...we’d usually only get a few weeks before people started to forget,” he murmured. Joltingly pushing up his sleeves to feel more of the sun. 

“Elaborate,” Dr. Mariah said, considering Lauriam’s chosen spot for a moment, before gently untying the cushion to the chair she usually picked, placing it down next to Lauriam before folding her dress beneath her legs, sitting on it gracefully, “Before who forgets what?”

“Before we forgot what the sun felt like,” he muttered, “What being outside felt like. Every time we got someone new, what they remembered hours ago, days ago, it’d change what the island felt like, at least a little. Made it more realistic. Even after Kairi became the main pillar. I couldn’t stop running my hands through the grass by Ienzo’s door when Viz got her present, it felt like something completely new.”

“But it all just becomes memories of memories after a while, and we can’t remember what it’s actually like.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, basking in the sun’s warmth. He wanted all of it. To never forget again. To have it be such an intrinsic part of him… Maybe if it was inside, then it wouldn’t leave…

Lauriam felt for the edge of exposed bone on his arm and dug his fingers in, trying to peel the dead flesh away.

“Memories are fickle, unsteady things. Even things we remember in great details are often at least a little eroded,” Dr. Mariah agreed, “...may I ask. Do you remember what it felt like to be in the factory? Could you recall it with the same detail you described your apartment?”

Lauriam hunched. He didn’t want to talk about it. It was cold. Not in temperature, though it got chilly in the months they assumed had been winter, the concrete cage around them making their pallets a godsend. But in atmosphere. Not like sitting in the sun, on the island or in reality. 

“Our main room was five pallets long, a little more than three deep,” Lauriam answered almost immediately, “Other than the bathroom, that was the only room we had when I arrived. Every room we ever had access to was made of concrete. No windows or openings, and every door was made of a heavy metal. I think steel, but I never knew enough to say it wasn’t just iron for sure. We had a thick tapestry hanging in the doorway between the mainroom and the bathroom, and when you went through there was a…I dunno, probably 10x10 shower with an overhead faucet surrounded by a half wall that kept water from getting across the rest of the bathroom. There was a big counter with sinks by the door, and six toilets along the back and right walls. When my mom got pregnant, they unlocked the door and we were allowed to use the kitchen, and because of the joining hallway, we got a few more rooms and an area to do laundry and keep cleaning supplies. The door on the outside of the kitchen was like the door between it and the main room, but if you went out of it and past the hallway where the supervisors’ rooms were, then there was this huge door that--”

Lauriam gasped, opening his eyes at the spark of pain that shot through his arm. 

And not radiating from his fingertips, the flesh and nerves worn away from desperate clawing at the door. 

It hurt in his arm. Like a deep cut. Or…

Lauriam blinked. Staring uncomprehendingly at the blood under his nails and staining his fingertips. Like he couldn’t possibly make the connection of how that had happened, even with the blood beading from the scratches on his arm.

Dr. Mariah tasted the air. The confusion was gone. But the mental focus didn’t seem to be helping the core issue, which was the hallucinations. Which seemed to be getting worse, based on the injury.

Taking out her handkerchief, she handed it to Lauriam. “Here. To stem the bleeding.”

“You remember more than I would have guessed, assuming the details can be trusted. But it doesn’t matter if it’s accurate or not. What we remember, edges blurred or events simplified, complicated… after a certain point, in context, it matters more than what actually happened. The truth of how we perceive things affects us more than the reality of it.”

“You mentioned my plants downstairs,” Dr. Mariah said, “Are you concerned for them? The plants themselves.”

Lauriam blinked at the handkerchief for a moment before hesitantly accepting it, pressing it firmly over the scratches. 

(Dead bodies didn’t feel pain. But that…hurt?)

“I lived there for half my life,” he muttered, several paths of thought just too difficult to pursue so that left her observation as one of the easier things, “It might’ve taken weeks to forget what being outside felt like, but even in the factory I could’ve told you the layout of my old house or how it felt living there. We could remember that the sun is warm and how nice it is to sunbathe, but those are more conceptual than the present moment of feeling it. And that’s what we lost.”

He breathed in a shaky breath. Lauriam wasn’t sure why. Corpses didn’t need to breathe…but the space in his chest felt tender and hollow and like he was desperate for air. And he nodded. “They look sick…” Lauriam didn’t want to bring up conflict, but… 

He averted his eyes. “I don’t…like the idea of living decorations. Like the only purpose a living thing has is to look nice for you. People will buy plants and move them all around and tease them into all sorts of shapes, and…it’s not like a plant can complain, you know? But they’re still a living thing you’ve decided to take out of their natural habitat and to exist for your pleasure. And it’s even worse if you take something living just to kill it. Or to keep it barely alive in the worst circumstances.”

“It’s a valid point,” Dr. Mariah agreed, “And something I’ve considered a great deal myself. What it means to curate someone’s else's experience to suit yourself. It’s not an idle question to ask, though answering it tends to rely heavily on the context.”

“For instance,” Dr. Mariah said, “I’ve found there’s no scenario, for plants, or animals, or most anything else that I interact with regularly, that I would not consider horrifying if applied one for one to a person. Even our most benevolent treatment would not translate if a person was put into their place in the scenario. It can be enlightening, in the worst way, to try to do so.”

“I bring that up, because I’m wondering if that’s where your mind wandered, just now.” Dr. Mariah said gently, “To how a person might feel, trapped and curated for someone else's benefit. Living decoration.”

Sure, sure, that was true. Lauriam wasn’t some sort of advocate, saying animals and plants needed the same sort of treatment as humans. But they were still living beings. You could have plants and acknowledge that, enjoy the process of living in tandem with another living thing, the two of you benefitting from living together. You could see their damn roots and dirt and acknowledge that they grew and not fully fucking detach yourself from anything but aesthetics!

…so it was something he believed on its own. But also…

“I don’t have to imagine,” Lauriam murmured, shifting the pressure on his arm slightly. “Though I guess most of the time you could argue we were ‘functional’ decorations. Even if they called us livestock, but no one should treat animals like that either.”

Through some of the numbness, pain shot through Lauriam’s heart and his eyes reddened. “...they made me be a table once, as a punishment.”

“Which they should not have done, and says far more about them than you,” Dr. Mariah said, “May I ask what you accomplished that they were attempting to embarrass out of you?”

“I looked Seifer in the eyes during morning check-in,” Lauriam said quietly before taking a shaky breath, “But that… They never needed a reason. They’d cite all sorts of things for all of us, but really they just wanted to punish us because they were a group of sadists who liked being powerful. They thought it was funny when we were upset, or thought it was justice when we were hurt, thought it was natural hierarchy at play when we were embarrassed or ashamed.”

Lauriam shuddered, a bubble in his throat. “...satisfied, taking pieces of us.”

“A sadistic job does tend to attract that type,” Dr. Mariah said, “I imagine they hurt you in such ways often. What brought the table to mind now?”

“What’s more literal for being a living decoration?” Lauriam scoffed wetly before taking a few quick breaths. The words almost like he was heaving, though the only reaction forcing them out made were a few tears escaping his eyes. “...said ‘it was about time they had prettier furniture’ in their breakroom. W-would…put heavier stuff to one side of my back, o-or kick out my arms or legs for…for ‘better views’.”

Dr. Mariah held back the sigh. It was horrific, but worse, not surprising. Lauriam was objectively beautiful. To be trapped with sadists, with no hope of rescue or recourse? 

“Would you say you were often targeted specifically, for such treatment?” Dr. Mariah asked, mostly to get it out in the open.

Lauriam sucked in a shaky breath and nodded, before he squinted in shame. “...I encouraged it, in more recent years,” he admitted, his skin crawling with the idea now. “They usually didn’t go after younger kids, but…but we couldn’t trust that. I’d rather be that kind of target than - than my siblings.”

“A worthy ambition,” Dr. Mariah said, “Though unfortunate that you had to consider it. Ambition aside, though, I doubt there was much you could have done to either encourage or discourage it, truly. You were not in a position of power, or influence. That is to say: you might have encouraged it, but you didn’t invite it. It was already happening.”

“Were the others aware of your predicament?” Dr. Mariah asked, “The way you were targeted?”

Lauriam wilted, whispering, “...yeah. The best I could hope was to be a distraction, but if any of them really had wanted to target the kids, there wasn’t anything any of us could’ve done.” And that had always been the most horrifying part, wasn’t it? None of them could ever promise safety or that something wouldn’t happen again. Neither subservience nor rebellion would sway the supervisors from what they were going to do.

Nodding, Lauriam took another shaky breath. “We didn’t keep stuff like that a secret. Even knowing that whatever they did didn’t mean anything about us, you couldn’t… There’s only so much you can avoid the shame they purposefully tried to make us feel. But making it a secret from people we did care about would be more shame and stress, so we didn’t. It was better to tell other people, like…get it off your chest, get comfort and reassurance.”

Lauriam’s eyes lowered in despair. “...when I was younger, all the Old Guard had conversations of…of trying to prevent me being targeted. After I…” Again, his words turned thick, and after a few attempts Lauriam could only shake his head a little. “...after, Xaldin told me that he’d suggested they break my nose.”

“That sounds difficult to hear,” Dr. Mariah observed, “Though, it seems they decided against it. Did they ever try anything else?”

“He also told me they considered keeping me close shaven, since that worked for Viz sometimes,” Lauriam sniffled a little before the tiniest smile turned up his lips, “I didn’t think they did that…but I did have a lot of short haircuts when I was little. I just thought they had trouble with my hair texture.”

The smile was instantly lost. “...it wasn’t specifically for that, but we all tried bargaining with the supervisors a lot. Supplies, sometimes, to just…be left alone for a little bit.” Lauriam’s eyes squinted in pain again. “...my little brother. Sometimes worked, sometimes didn’t.”

“Your little brother?” Dr. Mariah prompted, not sure what he meant.

A sniffle, and Lauriam applied more pressure to his arm. “My mom got pregnant, we had to bargain for her to keep the baby.” Even knowing that Ventus was alright and spending time with them now, old pain and grief still flooded Lauriam’s heart. The sensation warm and thumping and alive. Something dead couldn’t feel this much pain. “We thought we succeeded. B-but a noble family bought my little brother and th-they made - the Head Secretary made Mom think she miscarried, so…that’s what we all thought.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Dr. Mariah said, realizing, ah, right, this was what the rest of his family was doing right now. Dr. Mariah knew a bit about that. “You and your family had atrocities committed against them. You specifically seemed to have gotten a disproportionate amount of attention, from those atrocities. It’s understandable, that you’re struggling with it still.”

Dr. Mariah paused, considering her next question. “...were you able to discuss with your family the ways you don’t wish to be handled anymore, when you’re struggling with your emotions?”

Lauriam didn’t know about ‘disproportionate’, but he had been one of the favorite targets. As much as he looked around his family and felt like he was coming up short, things like nightmares or bad old memories coming up, those did seem understandable to be struggling with. It was just everything else that seemed like a particular failure of his.

Looking a little dismayed, Lauriam ducked his head a little. “...I talked to Axel, Marluxia, Xaldin, and Dilan, but I kinda…forgot. I meant to bring it up in a group discussion, but I got kind of distracted… The people I did talk to agreed…sort of. But it’s like…”

He sighed. “When you brought it up to me first? I can ask them not to knock me out, but at least these days the whole reason it’s an idea we have is because no one in my family wants to watch me have a seizure and die. A-and that’s a really good point! I don’t know what to offer as an alternative. I can ask for more time to try and calm myself down, but they all know how awful I am at it, and the fact that if I am going to have a seizure that can make it physically harder to calm down, so it feels like I’m asking them to just watch while I’m exploding. And that sucks to ask.”

“Let’s go over, step by step, what helping you with your seizures actually means, right now.” Dr. Mariah said, “I know it eventually leads to you being forcibly put down to ease the symptoms, but it’d be easier to offer advice if I knew how this process usually played out as far as timelines go. How quickly do we go from you being upset, to you being unconscious?”

Lauriam sighed a bit. “That’d be easier to answer if knowing I have seizures at all wasn’t something I found out a few weeks ago.”

“Um…” he tried to think through, trying to pull specific examples from his suddenly cotton-filled mind, “I think it’s pretty quick. A few months ago, almost back to back, both Marluxia and I tried to run away, and we each barely made it down the street. If I’m just kind of upset, usually someone will talk to me, but if there’s something that happens to spur it, I can go from zero to a hundred really quickly.”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Lauriam ducked his head against one of his shoulders. “...sorry, I’m having some trouble thinking clearly? I’m sure I have some better examples…”

“It’s alright. We can come back to it,” Dr. Mariah said, glancing around the roof, “Could you describe for me the roof? Just details you notice.”

There was a softer sigh but Lauriam opened his eyes, looking around. “Five hanging egg-shaped chairs. A pond, um, you said the fish were ‘koi’, and I can see some of them swimming. They look orange and white. There’s a sink with shelving around the bottom and there are bags on the shelves. There’s some, I think that’s a juniper shrub, near the edge of the roof…” He trailed off slightly, muttering, “That’s good that it’s away from the pond, even if it wouldn’t get roots in it.”

“Oh, uh, the roof is pretty square-shaped.”

“It gets a good amount of water regardless,” Dr. Mariah said–of course she did have plants on her roof, she was Dicean–feeling satisfied that at least he wasn’t seeing horrifically mistreated plants, “There’s not a lot we can do, or that I can advise at this moment, when you are actually in the midst of having a seizure. It’s what we can do before it gets to that point, that we have any true influence on your wellbeing.”

“You were mentioning about running away?” Dr. Mariah prompted, “Let’s try to discuss that incident more. What had you so upset?”

“It was that whole incident with Xaldin, and me turning into a monster,” Lauriam clarified, not really knowing what more they could discuss about that that they hadn’t already. “I wasn’t running away to, I don’t know, leave forever. But I panicked and wanted some space to think. I know we talked about how creating a fire for my whole family was the bigger issue there, though, and likely sabotaged my attempt to create space.”

“...I don’t always completely flip out when I’m upset,” he said after a moment, shoulders curling in ashamed defensiveness. “But it’s hard to know when something is just going to make me fume or cry a little, or when it really is an emergency. And if I can’t tell, I can’t imagine how random it feels to my family.”

Recalling some of what he’d said to his boyfriends, Lauriam’s eyes lowered tiredly. “Them saying things like talking to me is like walking on glass, or that I’m a stick of dynamite waiting to blow, they’re common enough ideas. And…I hate it. I don’t want to be this way. But I don’t know how to change.”

“Finding self-soothing or coping techniques is still your best bet, for at least managing the symptoms of feeling upset. Repression is never the answer, nor the point. We’re always just aiming for ways that you can express your feelings in non-harmful ways,” Dr. Mariah reminded him, “I’m going to put your memory to the test a bit. Do you recall if you had these same explosive episodes before you ended up in the factory? Do you have any memories of enduring these moments as a child?”

“I’ve always had a temper,” Lauriam smiled weakly, “I got into fights all the time as a little kid. Always made my sister so exasperated. But…I don’t remember anything being as bad as it got later. Not until… Not until Strelitzia died.”

His eyes lowered again. “It felt like something broke in me then. Like I died too. I barely remember all of what happened after, getting to the factory. Just…pain and fighting, in this awful haze… The next clear memory I have after is my uncle taking me to the bathroom and saying I could rest on the shower wall, but that had to have been days later.”

“It’s not unrealistic to think PTSD is a major factor in why you’re struggling with your emotions,” Dr. Mariah said, before explaining, “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When you experience extreme moments of stress, they leave physical scars both in the brain and your nerve endings. These scars can make managing your emotions much more difficult after the event, than how you felt before it.”

“But I mostly wanted to know about how you handled emotions in your childhood, to see what sort of techniques you might have left behind there,” Dr. Mariah explained, “Strelitzia was a huge influence on you growing up. I imagine she had methods she used to soothe your anger or help you cope when she was helping to raise you. Can you recall anything your sister used to do?”

Lauriam gave Dr. Mariah a wary look before giving a small nod of consideration. He’d certainly experienced enough extreme stress in his life for perpetually frayed nerves. His whole family had. But that making emotional management more difficult, rather than just leaving you with a sense of paranoia…made a lot of sense too.

But for the things that used to help?

A small, sheepish smile crossed Lauriam’s face. “...she’d let me sleep with her when I had bad dreams, or when I got scared when neither of our parents were home at night. She gave the best hugs…” Admitting that was almost like breaking a dam, some of the calm Lauriam had gained falling back into shaky breaths. “If I was too angry to talk to, she’d throw pillows for me to hit until I got tired out, then we’d talk. I dunno if it was really a soothing method, but she never really entertained my ideas when I felt embarrassed or ashamed. She just…I guess reframed things into stuff to be proud about, or told me how other people don’t get it, or don’t matter, so I shouldn’t care what they thought.”

A flush crossed over Lauriam’s face as he gave Dr. Mariah a mildly embarrassed look. “I didn’t base Marluxia off my sister, but a lot of the ideas I had in his concept--being ‘the best’--were things that I’d even had a concept of because of her. Strelitzia was the best a person could be, in my eyes.”

“We tend to mythicise the people we rely on growing up,” Dr. Mairah said, her tone not unkind, “Even as we grow up, even if they’re still with us, it’s just a truth in how we develop. You’re not unusual for it, and in most cases it’s a healthy way to relate to those who cared for us.”

Hugs, reassurances, ‘lamenting’ where one validated the other against hell or high water. Dr. Mariah guessed that Lauriam had some level of all of this already, considering how many people he surrounded himself with. He likely already had someone who validated his ideas, reassured him, or provided physical comfort. Dr. Mariah could advise more of it to help, but for right now, she wanted to explore… “Did you find punching pillows helped? For some people, it escalates their emotions to overwhelming levels. Others, though, find true relief in expelling the energy.”

Lauriam let out a soft huff. “...I know I probably do remember her with rose-tinted glasses. She likely wasn’t always super kind and understanding and assured and a badass…but I like remembering her like that. At her best. Who she was to me.”

And it wasn’t like she was still around to be hurt by high expectations. 

“Back then? I think so,” he shrugged, “I think a lot of the fights I got into escalated into them because I was feeling too much to not express it physically. But I’m not sure if it’d be a good coping mechanism now. I like sparring, and sometimes that’s good for blowing off steam, but it’s not like I’m annoyed at my family so I direct an impulse to punch into something else instead of them. I feel bad enough yelling at someone, but I feel kind of queasy thinking about physically hurting them in anger.”

As he said that, though, a spark of regret and discomfort flashed across Lauriam’s face.

“I wouldn’t ask you to. Easing anger in sparring tends to require a very specific type of personality. And funnily enough, it usually isn’t the type of person who expresses their anger loudly. It tends to work best for those who have difficulty expressing anger at all,” Dr. Mariah explained, “But expelling energy? There’s lots of ways to do that, and for some, there’s no true rest until some sort of energy is spent. Just enough to feel calm.”

Though, the regret that flashed across Lauriam’s face… “Did you have an incident like that recently? Risking harming someone in anger?”

Sometimes that energy came out through massive crying fits. Which were probably fine…if they didn’t dip into feelings so despairing it made all the people who shared a mind with you incredibly concerned. 

Lauriam hesitated. “...maybe? I… Not like that, but… I wasn’t angry, more - I’m kind of worried, I…” He cut himself off with a sigh before looking back up at Dr. Mariah. “...Marluxia and I were talking recently, and we wanted to ask you if he could join next session. So he’d not be coming on a whim, and that wouldn’t just be sprung up on you. Because we were talking with Xaldin and Dilan too, and…”

Lauriam lightly squeezed his arm. “I do…get some of your points, about just me being here. But I literally and physically do share a mind with a bunch of other people. No matter how much we get used to it as white noise, or try to block things out, our emotions bleed over into each other, we can’t help reading each others’ thoughts or stumbling into memories… There are parts of me I can’t untangle from them. And I think trying to…approach certain things without considering that, or acting like we aren’t people in each others’ heads isn’t acknowledging reality.”

“Of course, Marluxia may join us next session. Was there something specific you’d like us to discuss with him?” Dr. Mariah asked. 

Dr. Mariah understood, she believed, Lauriam’s point… she wasn’t sure how to explain to him that he was wrong. It was an argument all truly codependent people made to her, when they argued this person or that person was integral to their own personal mental health, and needed to always be factored into the process.

If they did? Then the goal would be they shouldn’t be. It was bad for her patients, to not be able to conceptualize themselves or their lives, outside of other people.

Moreso, it felt like Lauriam was missing the original point of why she had refused to allow him to call Marluxia into the sessions when he desired. It wasn’t fair to Marluxia. Planning a session in advance, where he knew what was happening and could mentally prepare to be there, had some semblance of an idea of what they were discussing? Entirely different matter than what Dr. Mariah was trying to prepare against last time, which was mostly Lauriam having his very own, on-call, validation machine.

Explaining all of this, again, would put Lauriam back on the defensive. And it felt less important to be understood, if at least the rules she was trying to establish were put into place, as Dr. Mariah nodded and said, “If we can agree that discussions with your partners will be scheduled in advance? Then yes, I can facilitate.”

Lauriam relaxed a little, reflexively bowing his head to Dr. Mariah in thanks. Marluxia would be happy to hear she agreed, that Lauriam wouldn’t have to pass on the news that, no, still, he wasn’t allowed.

But, again, Lauriam hesitated. “...I’d have to ask him if he’d want to talk about it. And he might not, he’s probably talking about it with Larxene right now…” Lauriam sighed a little. “He and Demyx got into a fight the other night and it was a pretty bad one. And a related part to it was something that Marluxia and I have…” Lauriam trailed off before shrugging vaguely, “discussed, and we talked to Xaldin and Dilan a bit about it, so that might be it for him. But I’d want to ask if he wants to talk about it more.”

“...and…” Lauriam winced, “While I feel like we know what our relationship is well? Like I’ve said before, Marluxia has to shoulder a lot from me, and there are parts of our relationship that I know the others don’t…think highly of.”

Dr. Mariah had seen, she believed, the incident mentioned. There had been a quick but hushed fight between Marluxia and Demyx, where apparently the two had left the main group, had a hushed conversation, before Marluxia left entirely, Lauriam not long after, Xaldin and Dilan not long after that. 

Dr. Mariah did not know the specifics. It had mostly looked like Demyx looking at first alarmed, then visibly annoyed, while Marluxia had started furious, and had ended merely aggravated before leaving.

“Is this something you’d feel comfortable talking about at all on your own?” Dr. Mariah asked.

Lauriam grimaced. “...maybe parts? But there are parts that are Marluxia’s business and I don’t feel comfortable betraying his trust.” Especially when that had been part of the problem. Smiling grimly, Lauriam explained, “Marluxia’s really protective over his vulnerability. If he tells someone a secret, or is openly vulnerable with them, that’s significant, and he expects them to respect that significance. Even with confidentiality, me going into detail about what happened would be a betrayal to him without his express permission.”

“I see,” Dr. Mariah said, “And in terms of how these things affect you?”

Again, Lauriam hesitated, before saying, “...I’m worried about him. And his relationship with Demyx. I know that it was probably just high tensions, but…” Lauriam sighed, making the movements to rub the back of his neck before he quickly aborted to keep putting pressure on his arm. “...Marluxia’s not the type to mince words. He always says what he thinks, and usually pretty aggressively. And because I’m such a disaster, and he has to deal with that more than anyone, he can be kind of…harsh, though not wrong. And none of our family really likes that, but…I think more than anyone, Demyx has always tried to bat for me against Marluxia.”

“I appreciate it,” Lauriam smiled weakly, “but a lot of the time Mars isn’t even trying to insult me, or anyone else. He’s trying to explain stuff that’s happening. And he and Demyx really are friends. Lately, though…I-I don’t know. Like I said, it was probably just still being in high emotions. But it’s starting to feel like Demyx is getting sick of it.” Lauriam sighed tiredly. “...which I know doesn’t have to do with me, and it’s fine if he is, because even if we can’t leave each other, he doesn’t have to hang out or play nice with someone he doesn’t like. But I just…feel sad with two people I’m close to splitting apart like that.”

Lauriam’s eyes lowered more, a bitter, burning taste on the back of his tongue. “When I went to his world to apologize, there was a point where Demyx got frustrated with me and asked if he should be more grateful, and…that’s not what I was trying to say at all. And it felt like shit hearing I was making him feel that way.”

Dr. Mariah was, admittedly, a little surprised to hear all of this. Demyx didn’t stand out much among the Termina Game, either out of character or in character. His demeanor had struck Dr. Mariah as someone who either genuinely fell into a pleasant, shallow background of a crowd, or made a pointed effort to do so every chance he had. Not someone who confronted people, and especially the type like Marluxia or Lauriam.

But, well, she only knew him in the most acquaintance way possible, and first impressions were often misleading.

“This fight was recent then. And it sounds like you got a bit more involved than you might have been otherwise… You were fairly despondent, when you first showed up for your session today. I thought perhaps it was the stress of moving, but is it this fight that had you so upset?”

“Two nights ago,” Lauriam confirmed, though in a pause, he took a wary look around the roof. Despondent, huh? Obviously he’d made it to his appointment, but, uh… Well, he could just be thankful he hadn’t walked out in front of a carriage or something. “I am upset about it, but sometimes I do just wake up feeling awful.”

He gave her a small, sheepish smile. “I usually go back to sleep, but having appointments to go to is a newer thing for me.” The smile faded as he looked back to his arm, the process of putting pressure on it just an action that had faded into the background as they talked and Lauriam’s mind cleared a bit. But now…

He lifted the handkerchief slightly, the fibers sticking to his skin with blood. It looked like the scratches had started to clot, at least…

…what was he wearing? Trying to recall, Lauriam remembered a haze of a morning, just…absolutely no energy or will to do anything. 

Full muck. 

Looking back up, he gave his therapist a nervous look. “...I usually don’t hurt myself like this, so you know.”

“We’ve discussed your hallucinations and delusions before, it didn’t entirely take me off guard,” Dr. Mariah said, “And self-harm in the midst of a full-blown delusion is common to the point of unavoidable. You don’t have any true agency or ability to control yourself in those moments. I would call this moment less self-harm and more a genuine accident.”

“Mitigating the damage by allowing you to calm yourself over time, with only minor injuries, was the best I could respond with,” Dr. Mariah said, gesturing to his arm, “As bad as the scratches are, physically restraining you would have likely escalated the situation into unmanageable levels, which would have increased your risk of injury. Sometimes allowing small injuries to occur is worth it, to avoid the bigger ones.”

Something more uncomfortable crossed over Lauriam’s face. “Corpses can’t fight back.”

“Th-though I’m not criticizing what you did, I just,” he quickly mumbled, before blurting, “I think Mars and I used to funnel all my bad mental health stuff into his conditioning method.”

“Could you elaborate?” Dr. Mariah asked.

Lauriam nodded nervously. “My world, my mind, it’s a flower field. But there used to be an underground of it that Marluxia used as part of his conditioning method.” Giving Dr. Mariah a significant look, he explained, “It was this mess of decay and viscera filled with skeletons and decaying bodies, then graves, that’d whisper about how helpless you were, useless and a failure on your own, how others’ displeasure made you feel like you’d die alone and insignificantly…”

“I got rid of it when I woke up outside of the factory because we didn’t need to condition anymore, and honestly it was pretty gross…” Frowning, Lauriam furrowed his eyebrows. “But I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I think he might’ve been using all the stuff I think about myself as fuel. And I’m not sure, but maybe without ‘pushing it all into the dirt’ like that, that might be why everything feels so much worse. After I recovered from being light, Vexen mentioned that he was surprised there was only scarring on my body projection but not my world, but…maybe that’s some of it? Or, I’m not sure, that doesn’t quite fit. Sorry, I don’t--”

Lauriam suddenly hiccuped, and brought his arms up to cover his mouth, wincing at the boozy taste in his throat and the wash of light-headedness that came over him. 

“Would you like some water?” Dr. Mariah asked, noting the way he was covering his mouth, “...or a brown bag?”

After a moment Lauriam nodded, before another moment of hesitation. “...I’m sorry, I…might, um, I should go home? I feel a little…” Drunk.

…damnit, Luis. 

Dr. Mariah frowned, tilting her head, “...if you’re not feeling well, then certainly, we can end early. Perhaps allow me to walk you home, Lauriam. If you’re ill, it might not be wise to have you wandering alone.”

“Sorry,” he winced, talking quieter, “I should’ve just sent a message this morning. Um…” He swallowed uneasily before looking around the roof immediately around him and shifting carefully onto his knees to stand up, managing with only a bit of a wobble. “I can… Should I clean and return your handkerchief next s--”

He let out a heavy stream of air as another wash of disorientation went through him, tears starting to prickle at his eyes. 

“...sorry.”

“Not at all. Come along,” Dr. Mariah said, standing up and taking Lauriam’s elbow, steadying him, “We all have our bad days. There’s no shame in it. Feel free to lean on me, I promise, I’m not as frail as I look.”

Unfortunately, Lauriam did need her steadying. And Dr. Mariah might’ve said there was no shame in it, but Lauriam still felt the burning shame of wanting to assert that he didn’t come to his daytime therapy appointment drunk! But he couldn’t do that without, well, he seemed like he was off, at least, and he wasn’t lying, but then he’d have to do the unthinkable of explaining, oh, my uncle who’s a massive alcoholic is in rehab right now and having The Worst Time Ever and fuck wasn’t that more important than Lauriam’s dumb, stupid, idiot little feelings?

It was like a flood of shame pouring down over Lauriam as he started to cry, only able to muffle his breaths.

They had gotten to the stairs, but Dr. Mariah frowned as Lauriam started to sway and sob. Mostly out of concern for a misstep, she encouraged, “Let’s actually take a seat again. On this top step here. Come along now, take a seat…”

She sat down with him, the two on the top step, looking down at the narrow staircase down to the hidden wall. After a moment, Dr. Mariah pulled out a second handkerchief, passing it to him. “I don’t actually have an endless amount. Don’t expect me to pull a whole line of them from out of my sleeve.”

Plopping down on the step, Lauriam just put his head in his hands, injury be damned. Feeling a burn in his throat with every quick breath. Shaking his head, he quietly cried, “‘M not worth it… U-usually carry my own b-b-but I can’t even get dressed right…’m sorry…”

(It had been said before that Lauriam didn’t enjoy drinking. That he made sure to never do it in front of his little siblings, because he didn’t like how he got when he was drunk. And, sure, sure, there was enjoying a drink in moderation…but the alcohol most accessible for most of his life was tailor-made to be able to get you drunk quickly.)

(And as Lauriam felt his body warm and go stupid, a pressure in his head making him feel light-headed, he got how he always did when drunk.)

(Sad.)

(The kind of sad that admits to your two surviving friends who were basically your brothers, and one of their friends, that the person you love said you were one of the worst things that happened to them, and so that’s how you felt. The kind of sad that admits that you wish you were dead and had been for years. The kind of sad that can’t see the future as anything but a yawning black hole that no amount of meager hope can light up, so it’s just a waste of scant energy.)

(The kind of sad that’s horribly embarrassed to be crying in a stairwell at therapy, and is sad about two of your friends being mad at each other.)

“It’s alright,” Dr. Mariah said, “We’re not in a hurry. It’s quite alright to sit here and cry. Just remember to breathe. But there’s no need for you to stop.”

“M sorry,” Lauriam apologized again, “I didn’t mean to, I don’t… I’m not just… I-I’m not just gonna fall apart living on my own. I know ho-how to take care of myself!”

“I believe you,” Dr. Mariah agreed, “This moment, nor even today, is not indicative of your general ability to take care of yourself. Bad days were always going to happen. You will survive this, as you always have.”

Bad days could happen, but bad days like this--!! He didn’t!!

“I don’t drink!” Lauriam sobbed wetly into his arms, “I st-st-stay away from it be-because I hate this! I don’t like fe - feeling like this! It’s not something I rely on, e-even at my worst!”

“Do you believe you are drunk right now?” Dr. Mariah asked, “Though, in truth, it would be fine if you were. As I said: this moment does not indicate your ability to take care of yourself. Whether it’s a bad day due to slipping into a bad habit, or a bad day because your body is betraying you, either way it’s still true. It’s just a bad day. You will survive it.”

“I’m not!” Lauriam insisted with a squeak in his voice. “I-I-I’m not going to wake up and first - first thing in the morning take shots, I just - I’m not.” His shoulders shook with a sob, and a sort of shudder went through him. His body feeling out of control in a scary way, like he was going to pee himself, except there wasn’t anything in his bladder and his legs felt like balloons and everything was wrong and he couldn’t stop crying.

God he was annoying. How did anyone stand him. 

He’d survive alright, but fuck did he not deserve to. Here he was being so pathetic and making it all about him… If he was feeling this so much, how were the others doing? How was Luis doing? It probably sucked too, if not more, and all Lauriam could focus on was boo hoo you’re so damn sad, why doesn’t everyone stop everything they’re doing to give worried looks to the helpless mess that’s so useless he can’t even get dressed and is about to piss himself, awful motherfucker no wonder you fucked up trying to talk to Demyx and he and Marluxia will start hating each other and you’ll try to ‘fix’ it like they can’t do anything without you and you’ll make it even worse--

As his thoughts spiraled, Lauriam started choking on his sobs, unsure if it was nausea or despair.

…or stress tremors going through his body.

“Then you’re not,” Dr. Mariah agreed, “No one is fighting against you, Lauriam. No one is accusing you of anything. I am not against you. You are safe. Let it go through you, and when you can, take a breath. It’s okay if the breath is loud or ugly. It will help to breathe.”

Why?

Why? He didn’t deserve it.

“...hhhhhnsssshh,” Lauriam let out an almost gutteral, hissing breath like he was forcing it through. And though he was shaking and crying and felt like his body was falling apart, he took another one. Trying to do this one thing someone was asking of him. 

(...breathing helped calm you down. He knew that.)

So he took another one, even if the sob that shook out from it almost sounded like a scream. But he just breathed in right after. 

“There you go. That’s progress,” Dr. Mariah encouraged him, “Every breath is an achievement. You should be proud of them. It’s hard to breathe, when we’re deeply upset.”

He wasn’t good at anything. He’s never accomplished anything. Just some pile of waste in the corner while the world moved on without him, those closest to him dragging him along because they had no other choice. And it was wrong of him to make it that much harder on them. 

He was wrong. He was awful. 

Lauriam breathed in, his teeth chattering for a moment as a dizzying headache turned everything upside down. He breathed out, tears streaming down his face, and breathed in. 

“It’s alright,” Dr. Mariah said softly, staring out into the darkness of the stairwell. Her red eyes oddly clear in the low lighting, almost like there was a glow behind her eyes, as she said gently, “I know it doesn’t feel like it. But this is what you need to do. This is a key part of the process. You need to cry. That’s why your body is forcing you to do it. You need it.”

You’re weak and a disappointment. You can’t be there for anyone when you break down at the slightest provocation.

There was a slight whine in Lauriam’s voice as he forced his next few breaths, but they managed to be deeper. And then more consistent. And then, though his tears didn’t stop beading up in his eyes and he still felt dizzy and floaty, he turned slightly to Dr. Mariah, wetly huffing, “I dunno ‘bout needing it…”

Dr. Mariah looked over, appraising him…before smiling lightly. “I notice you haven’t fallen into a seizure.”

Lauriam sniffled snottily…before he gave a tiny nod. His breaths obnoxiously loud in the stairwell. “You might be sturdy but it’d be embarrassing to pass out on the stairs next to you.”

“That’s true. Do keep in mind I’m an otherworldly creature of the night, though. As I’ve said, I’m stronger than I look,” Dr. Mariah said, “But I am serious. Sometimes fighting your tears, fighting your panic, can do more damage than just letting it all run through you. The fear, the despair, the grief. Denying it, over and over? Repression isn’t the answer. It often just makes things worse.”

That might be true, but even if she was absurdly strong there was still the fact that Dr. Mariah was something like a foot shorter than him, and that would be awkward to maneuver no matter what. 

He might’ve not seized, but Lauriam still felt himself trembling all over, and he lifted his head just enough to free his arms, running his hands down them. “...doesn’t matter the cause, the symptoms means the treatment’s the same, hm.” He took a shaky, unsteady breath, a few tears falling down his cheeks. “...I-I’m not drunk, for the record…but I think I might be in the same state as it, so I…I really should go home.”

“Take a few more breaths. I imagine you feel a bit raw right now,” Dr. Mariah said, “...I’d recommend, when we get you home? That you lay down with someone. Not alone. Letting the hurt run through you is necessary, but the aftermath requires its own sort of care. Taking comfort by being close to someone, even if it’s just quiet closeness, will help the empty feeling I suspect is coming up after this.”

Lauriam grimaced a bit. He had no idea how this was affecting the others. He knew he could be a little more sensitive to booze than the others, so it might just be him feeling a little bleedover and then spiraling it out of control with his own feelings…or everyone could be laid out. And if his family was feeling it to any extent, he didn’t want to ask anyone to walk over from the castle just to, what, take a nap with him?

…and even asking someone to do that without a trip if they were feeling off?

He gave Dr. Mariah a wary look. “...physically, or…?”

“I’d recommend it. Though, I am aware empaths have their own realities, for what ‘physical’ means. I’ve been told empaths can heal each other, to an extent? If it’s not going to be physical, I’d recommend that aspect at least being a part of it.” Dr. Mariah said, “Just something to refuse the damage to your nerves. It might not have been a full-blown seizure, but that was still stressful on your body. But either way… it was improvement.”

Greeeeeeeeeat. Perfect. Hey, my potentially drunk family, mind taking a stroll across town to cuddle with me? Oh, yeah, I did say I’d be fine living on my own, what’s your point?

There was a small sound in Lauriam’s throat as another wave of tears spilled over. 

“...m’ mom’s great at healing,” he sniffled softly, “She’s the one that taught me. S’ really energy intensive, but it never seems to slow her down.” Lauriam rubbed an eye. “Better than passin’ out, yeah.”

“She’d likely agree,” Dr. Mariah said, “...why do you feel drunk? I believe you, if you say you haven’t drunken anything today. I ask in case I should consider asking a healer to look at you.”

“Healer couldn’t do anything,” Lauriam mumbled uncomfortably. Shifting slightly before he carefully said, “...s’ bleedover.”

“From?” Dr. Mariah prompted, standing up. Offering Lauriam her arm.

Swaying a bit, Lauriam accepted the arm and stood up, his vision blurring a little looking down the stairs in the dark. 

Don’t betray the family, just don’t say anything! You don’t have to say a damn word--

“...remember when I asked you if you had advice for someone going into rehab?” he muttered?

Damnit, Lauriam.

“I recall,” Dr. Mariah said, already knowing he meant Luis. Lauriam might want to keep secrets, but Amaina had whined for ages that her bartender NPC was going to miss a few sessions for really BORING reasons, like getting SOBER! It just wasn’t fair!! “...are you drunk because someone in your family is currently drunk?”

“I dunno,” Lauriam whispered, “But it’s probably more that he wishes he were drunk.”

“Desire is all it takes?” Dr. Mariah asked, the two slowly walking the steps down, “I imagine that gets uncomfortable, with so many of you.”

Lauriam wasn’t sure he’d focused so much in his life, trying to go down the stairs without tripping into a heap. Each step it felt like his joints were made of rubber that would roll and collapse in on themselves. 

“...it’s complicated,” he sighed softly. “For some, sometimes, bleedover is so easy it’s subconscious. Others, all the concentration in the world wouldn’t be able to do anything. But…generally, if one of us feels something strongly enough, it’s in the rest of our heads too.”

“Again, that must be difficult. I imagine that’s created a good amount of conflict, for you all.” Dr. Mariah said, the final stair creaking as they got to the base of the stairs. Dr. Mariah pushing open the false door, “You all must have worked hard, to make that group dynamic work under such pressures.”

Lauriam let out a small sigh of relief as they got to the bottom of the stairs. Walking likely wouldn’t be any easier, but at least now falling didn’t mean tumbling into a broken neck. 

“It’s not easy, I’ll say that much,” he mumbled. “You get really good at blocking things out, but some stuff still goes through.” Having a total meltdown. Stomach-turning anxiety. The flash of fear and adrenaline of getting into a fight. 

Having a miserable time getting sober. 

Squinting in the light of her office as they walked through, Lauriam frowned a bit as he considered his words. “...it is hard, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. I mean…um. I mean, like… It’s good.”

“I imagine, after this much time together? It’d feel worse to be apart.” Dr. Mariah said, “Regardless if you would have chosen it, originally. It’s your reality now.”

“Right,” Lauriam sighed, relieved that she got his point. Joining the island hadn’t been a choice for any of them. But even beyond the health risks of trying to leave it, suddenly living with your head just your own? It would be jarring in the worst way. Horribly isolating. And in Lauriam’s opinion, it’d be like losing something integral to himself. 

“The island is all of us,” he murmured, thinking about that last point, “And we wouldn’t be us without it.”

“...well, I’m sorry to hear you all are having a difficult day,” Dr. Mariah sighed, “But I think we made fairly good progress today regardless. I know it doesn’t seem like that right now. But give it time, reflect on it later, when you feel calmer. This went well, all things conceded.”

It really didn’t feel that way. It felt more like he was a bucket made of the most disgusting slop imaginable and tripped and tumbled his way over everything in sight, but arguing the point Dr. Mariah just made felt a bit childish. 

“...I did ask you about Mars, right?” Lauriam muttered, trying to think about anything they’d talked about that wasn’t an enormous embarrassment. “...right. Yeah. Um… Next appointment is in two days?”

“Three,” Dr. Mariah corrected, “We break for holidays, if it’s possible. This will be your first Hanami festival. You wouldn’t want to miss it.”

Lauriam blinked at Dr. Mariah for a moment. “...festival?”

Vaguely, in the back of his mind, Lauriam thought back to the large calendar in the castle main hall. The holiday surrounded by hearts, that Kaito confirmed was a lovers’ holiday. And before that…a date surrounded by pink flowers.

“Flower viewing festival,” Dr. Mariah explained, the two moving slowly down the pathways now, “Do be sure to lead, I don’t actually know where you live.”

“But, yes. Hanami. The flowers are now all fully in bloom, healthy and strong. It’s time to admire them. Dicea loves its flowers, as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now,” Dr. Mariah said, the two walking past two more gardens, just nestled in between buildings.

Lauriam would say he was doing his best to avoid looking anyone on the street in the eye, but honestly it was taking most of his energy to put one foot in front of the other. It’d probably mortify him later, thinking back on it, and if anyone called out to him in the future in their weird overly-familiar way and asked something like if he was doing alright, he might combust on the spot. But for now? Focus.

When he was first seriously considering apartments, Lauriam had looked at the buildings close to the city university. There was copy about them being the place a lot of residents who were away from home for the first time lived, and if he did end up setting up that tutoring stuff it’d be handy being close by. However, as Lauriam considered living among a lot of younger college students…er, yeah. Perhaps it wouldn’t be the most peaceful place to live. 

Instead, he’d found a series of smaller buildings on one of the ‘outer rungs’ of one of the commercial districts. They were all only one or two stories, just a few units per building with shared pathways and amenities in between, and apparently there were more than a few residents who’d ‘rented to buy’ and just…lived there with their families. As their own homes. 

Lauriam hadn’t committed to that, though he was assured he could switch over payment plans at any point, and it’d switch automatically if he paid enough rent over enough time he would’ve paid the mortgage anyway. But it was a place that felt calmer in its permanence. People taking care of the area and being courteous to neighbors because they lived there, and planned to for the foreseeable future. 

“I’ve noticed,” he confirmed, his focus wavering for a moment to glance at some of the gardens they passed. “...it’s a holiday to…admire plants?” Something in his expression softened. “That sounds nice, actually… And anyone can celebrate? Like, um…there isn’t admission or a fee or something.”

“It’s easier to say it’s a bit difficult to escape,” Dr. Mariah smiled lightly, “I suppose you could miss the holiday happening at all if you stayed in your home all day, but the festivities tend to sprawl across the city. Neighborhoods like to have little competitions, little games, food stands pop up, lots of music wherever a musician settles and people eventually sort of just gravitate to them.”

“But for the main festivities? You want to go to one of the parks. Really, any of them. All of them will have something going on.” Dr. Mariah paused, “Some people consider the one that the royal family attends to be the most ‘official’ part of the festival. King Aiichi gives speeches every year, people like to show off foods they’ve made or plants they’ve managed to grow to them, it’s a game in its own right. But that central area doesn’t have anything more or less going on then anywhere else. Like I said: hard to avoid.”

“Suppose I’ll see how Diceans party, then,” Lauriam said, smiling faintly. “Marluxia said he didn’t go to any of the holidays last year, none of us did, and apparently they were pretty tense because of the famine and war recovery, even out by us. So…this’ll be the first festival we’ve been to since we were kids.”

He staggered a little before righting himself. “...I’m not sure my siblings have ever gone to one. I’ll have to pass along the patent Dr. Mariah tips.”

“I’m certain you’ll have fun.” Dr. Mariah said confidently, the two coming up to what she suspected were his apartments, “...Word of wisdom from a fashionist lolita? You should burn these clothes. They do nothing to compliment you.”

Lauriam glanced down, grimacing. “...I really only kept them to be spare cloth. You wouldn’t believe how many clothes we found in the trash, and that was the only reason we weren’t wearing these all the time once we got out. Getting rid of them entirely is such a waste…”

And there was a certain comfort in them. The sweats and scrubs were demeaning, clothes worn for countless awful years. 

And they were the only clothes they had worn for years. A familiar comfort, low effort, the only thing the corpse that had shambled out of bed that morning could even consider. 

…but another tie to a life that just wasn’t good for him. 

“Perhaps you’d do well doing some shopping… people make and sell clothing, during the festival. The sort of things you won’t find anywhere else, people making them specifically for this festival, once,” Dr. Mariah said, “Perhaps that will be my next homework assignment for you. If you can’t give yourself permission to spend money on new clothes? Consider it an assignment. Buy three outfits during the festival.”

Lauriam flushed as they slowly worked their way up the stairs to his apartment. “I do have other clothes,” he muttered petulantly. Though they were ones Marluxia had gotten him during his shopping spree. Lauriam liked them, but…

Well. Maybe he could try picking something new himself. If there were some custom clothes for sale, Marluxia would likely want to check them out anyway. 

“I’ll probably take a look, though,” he sighed, grateful to Atua or whoever that he’d somehow brought his key with him, even if he had a hard time steading his hand to put it in the lock. “...um, thank you for walking me home, Dr. Mariah.”

“Of course. Thank you for taking our sessions so seriously.” Dr. Mariah said, stepping back as he headed inside, “...you really should be proud, Lauriam. It’s not easy, what you’re doing.”

If he was going to do them at all, he was going to take them seriously. Lauriam had a lot of people he loved with his whole heart, and he wanted to be a better presence in their lives. He wanted to be a better presence in his own life. Getting to a point where he felt okay, or even happy most of the time felt like an impossibility, but…it was a nice idea to hope for.

“I’ll look forward to being able to be proud of it, then,” he conceded, giving her a small bow of his head (any more would surely topple him over), before he headed inside.

Only to startle for a moment seeing a particular red head draped over his couch. “Crap, Axel,” Lauriam sighed, lowering his arm from his chest, “When did you get here?”

“Eh? I dunno. Twenty minutes ago? Thirty?” Axel shrugged, flipping through the cooking magazine he had found in the kitchen, “Man, you can do a lot with yams, apparently. Which is wild, since this is the first time I’ve ever heard of a yam. Not gonna lie? It looks gross.”

Closing the magazine, Axel kicked his legs up, swinging himself into a sitting position, looking Lauriam over. “You look like shit. What the hells are you wearing those for? You’re changing.”

“It’s basically a potato, from what I’ve read,” Lauriam mumbled, “Lot you can do with potatoes, and can basically live off ‘em and butter if you need to.”

Though, he gave Axel a flat look at his appraisal. “I’m going back to bed.” Only a few steps forward, though, and Lauriam needed to brace himself against the half wall that separated the kitchen and main space, his eyes closing for a moment as he grimaced and held his mouth closed tightly. A dull ache in his arm reminding him that he should probably wrap up the scratches before going to bed.

Peeking a wet, swollen eye open, Lauriam blearily looked Axel over. “...you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, you lightweight. Xaldin sent me, by the way. He’s part of the Luis-coraling team, asked me to come by and check on you. Apparently, Luis has remembered in his time of need that he knows how to make alcohol in his own mind.” Axel sighed, getting up and heading over to Lauraim, “Seriously, man, you’re changing. I don’t care if all you’re changing into is your boxers, you’re not sleeping in those.”

“Just don’t like drinking…” Lauriam muttered, quickly pulling his sleeve down more before he sighed softly. “Um…though, actually… I mean, if you’re here already, it’s not like I’d kick you out otherwise, but…”

Lauriam ducked his head a bit. “...averted having a seizure in therapy. ‘N Dr. Mariah said it’d be helpful, probably, if someone stayed with me while I’m resting.”

“Yeah? That’s cool, means I don’t have to take that walk back to the castle. It’s uphill both ways, Lauriam. It’s a damn travesty.” Axel said, strolling up to Lauriam without much concern either way, “...geez, did she punch you in the eye? Twice? Both eyes? You look like you’ve been in a fight and lost.”

Lauriam gave Axel a half-hearted glare as he resumed his shuffle along the wall, hoping to pop into the bathroom uncommented. “You’ve seen me drunk before, jerk. I get all pathetically mopey and crying’s a part of that.” He sighed, shoulders sagging. “Sobbed for what felt like an hour in her freaking stairwell.”

“Yeah? Feel any better?” Axel asked, stepping into Lauriam’s room, raising his voice so Lauriam would hear him from the bathroom, “I’m still blown away by how much space you have! Now we just have to get you some furniture. I’m going digging through your stuff for new boxers and pajama pants if I can find them! Just so you know!”

Trying to act quickly, Lauriam pushed his sleeve up and didn’t even bother grimacing at the sight as he pulled his first aid kit out. Trying to quickly open the disinfectant, he fumbled the cap to some corner of the bathroom, but didn’t hesitate, just trying to clean the wounds before Axel noticed anything.

“Y-yeah,” he called back, “Marluxia and I were planning to go shopping soon for pieces. Though we might want to look at things at the festival, if it’s not just clothes…”

Lauriam was pretty sure they owned something that’d work as pajama pants. They hadn’t while rooming with their siblings, for clear reasons, but he knew Marluxia just liked sleeping naked, and Lauriam really only bothered with boxers in case someone came by--or the potential for that, anyway.

The grimace caught up now. The scratches weren’t still bleeding, thankfully, but they were still pretty raw looking. Concerning. Would take some time to heal. 

Axel opened up some boxes. There wasn’t a lot. Lauriam and Marluxia didn’t own a lot, for reasons that were obvious. He found the box of clothes, sorting through them. Marluxia stuff, Marluxia, Mars… ah! “Found some!” He called triumphantly.

Taking the pants and fresh boxers, he headed to the bathroom, “Have you started changing out of those yet? Maybe you should take a shower before putting on the…” Axel walked into the bathroom, frowning as he saw what Lauriam was trying to dress quickly, “...the fuck, did someone attack you again!? That’s it, fuck it, I’m gonna kill these bastards this time.”

Lauriam’s eyes widened for a moment, fumbling and dropping the bandages in his hands before he wilted in defeat. Shame coloring his face as he softly corrected, “...Axel, I did this. I wasn’t attacked.”

Biting his lip, he carefully picked up the bandages again and started rolling out a length to wrap up his arm. Just moments too late. “I was… I…had a hard time, this morning.”

“...oh,” Axel frowned, giving the wounds a newly worried look… before he sighed, taking the bandages from Lauriam, “Sit down on the toilet.”

Squatting down in front of him, Axel gestured impatiently for Lauriam to give him his arm, before wincing as he looked closer, “...I mean, I guess it’s not that bad. Just fingernails? You put anything on this already?”

Self-harm was…serious. And while Dr. Mariah had told him that what had happened wasn’t exactly self-harm, Lauriam didn’t know how on earth he’d explain that to his family. 

His eyes burning again, Lauriam sat down on the toilet, ashamed, and held his arm out to Axel. “Just nails… Disinfected. The cap’s around here…somewhere. I, um… Dr. Mariah had me put pressure on it immediately, so I don’t think I bled that much.” As much as he could’ve, digging his fingers into his arm and trying to rip away his skin and muscles.

“I’m sorry,” Lauriam whispered more quietly.

“Eh, it’s alright man. You were at therapy the whole time, right? Least someone was there with you… can’t believe she let you dig in this deep though. Didn’t she stop you?” Axel frowned, taking the wrap and starting to carefully wrap Lauriam’s arm.

Lauriam’s eyes lowered. “She said something about how, like… When someone’s in a bad way, it’s better to let them calm themself down and concede smaller injuries than to risk bigger ones. That makes sense? I’m not sure I would’ve started fighting her or something if she’d grabbed my arm, but maybe and…um…a bigger fight and deal could lead to worse stuff than some scratches.”

He sighed. “I was seriously out of it, Axel. To the point I’m thankful I left here wearing clothes at all and took my key.”

“Maybe I could see that. Not sure I could do it though. Just let you hurt yourself, I mean.” Axel frowned, finishing the wrap and straightening out the edges, “I guess that is kind of what you asked me to do your last therapy session, but I sort of thought that meant, like, letting you scream until you got it out of your system, or letting you run off when you’re doing the whole ‘fuck all of you I’m gonna go die instead’ thing. With the caveat being I’m sort of hoping you don’t do that if I don’t, like, tackle you to stop you.”

Axel sighed, leaning back onto his palms and staring tiredly up at Lauriam from the tile floor, “I don’t know, Lauriam. This all sounds pretty confusing.”

Once again Lauriam felt the tears in his eyes start to fall over, and once again he hated himself for it. “I know,” he muttered miserably, glancing from Axel to the snugly wrapped bandages around his arm. “I wish I wasn’t like this either. I don’t want to scream around you or cry all the time or have to make you watch me hurt myself, and those all being the better outcome to things. I wish I could just talk to you or ask for a hug and maybe a conversation would get depressing but that’d just be it.”

He didn’t bother wiping his face this time, or even bothering to hide the tears. He just stared miserably at Axel’s hand on the large tiles. “I feel insane and so…fucking selfish all the time. It’s not a matter of accepting any help, it’s that I can’t help myself even a little. And I hate that every guessing answer I can come up with for you guys sounds awful and like I’m rambling nonsense.”

“C’mon, you’re being too hard on yourself,” Axel smiled lightly, bringing up his foot and tapping it again Lauriam’s leg as he leaned on the wall. He had long legs, he could take advantage. “I mean, yeah, one hundred percent, you are insane. I don’t think that’s been in doubt, uh… since I’ve met you. Well, maybe there was like twenty minutes there before I realized my guide to the prison was totally out of it, but it was still mostly at the word go.”

“But that doesn’t make you selfish… and honestly, Lauriam, I don’t know if you’ve noticed. But we’re all a little…” Axel spun his finger around his temple, tilting his head with a grimace, “You’re just loudest. Well, Marluxia’s loudest. But none of us are exactly the easiest people to deal with.”

There was a potential argument to make that when they had met, Lauriam wasn’t insane, he was just a teenager, but in all honesty he’d probably been pretty screwy back then too. Still, he gave Axel a small pout before he sniffed. “I think we’re long past objective insanity, yeah, but that’s not what I mean. I don’t even make sense to myself.”

“And…and maybe,” he stammer to Axel’s last point, “but… I’m exhausted with my shit, and I’m selfish because I’m loudest, so it’s like no one else even gets to get a word in about their shit a-and I know a lot of you guys have said you aren’t sick of me or that I’m not this…I don’t know, irredeemable burden, but…”

Lauriam sucked in a shaky breath. “I wish sometimes you did feel that way, because I just feel like I’m taking advantage of the fact that we’re stuck together. And that sucks, because that just means I wish everyone was as miserable as me.”

“Heavy…” Axel frowned, scratching his cheek a little, “...your self-esteem is in the crapper, huh? It feels like kind of mean spirited advice, but have you thought of maybe just… doing something for someone else? When you’re not in the middle of crying or overwhelmed or doing the shambling zombie thing. Just, next time you feel fine, maybe just do something nice for somebody else, and you’ll remember doing that and feel less shitty about yourself.”

“That’s kinda what yakuza guys do, though I think only explaining that now to you had made me realize what that was,” Axel explained with a shrug, “We do a lot of really terrible shit for a lot of really terrible reasons. And, yeah, we helped people too, but it was always for a reason, even if that reason was just to keep locals on our side. But, like, individually? You’d hear about other gang members going out of their way to protect this person, or help that business, fucking rescuing puppies from trees, you get what I mean… and it was always about wiping out karma. Just… not feeling like the whole of who we were was always just being shitty for pay.”

“If you feel like a burden, or like no one can ever come to you for anything, or you can’t understand why anyone likes you?” Axel frowned, “Maybe just start doing some stuff that, like… answers those questions for you. At least in your own head.”

In the moment, Lauriam wanted to say he couldn’t remember the last time he hadn’t felt stressed out and overwhelmed. Even in the middle of a psychically drunken mood crash, though, he knew that wasn’t totally true. Amid all the awful things that had been going on, Lauriam still found time to be happy, or at peace, or even energetic. As Marluxia was fond of declaring, living the life in front of him, rather than waiting for things to be some vague concept of ‘better’. 

It was just hard to conceptualize when he felt like the muckiest trash heap in the world. 

(Same with doing things for others. Making a special breakfast for his siblings, playing games with them, bringing up activities to Ira to help his friend de-stress, corralling his siblings for their check-ups so it wasn’t all on Even and Aeleus, sharing house listings with his uncles, even if they had been looking at totally different types, hells, the only reason Lauriam wasn’t getting up now to give Axel the gift he’d been making him was that it wasn’t finished yet. One of his first thoughts born from being attacked was how to help the community that had hurt him in the first place, and the thought of providing that help gave Lauriam a lot of hope.)

(Again, it was just hard to remember all that sometimes.)

So Lauriam just sniffled lightly and said, “...I can try,” though he gave Axel a softer look right after. “Did you do that sorta stuff too? Trying to ‘wipe out karma’.”

“Yeah. Honestly, that’s probably what Isa was to me, at first.” Axel admitted, smiling a little sheepishly, “Him and his sister. I mean, you’ve heard the story. I didn’t kill her when I was supposed to, worked with him to get the debt paid, blah blah blah… I know he tells it sometimes like it was because we became friends so fast, or I’m just such a good guy, or…”

“...but I wasn’t always a good guy. I wasn’t even a decent one.” Axel said, eyes dimming a little. Old memories overtaking the bathroom they were in, Axel far away as he said, “I was an enforcer to one of the most powerful gangs in the country, located in the heart of the capital city. We didn’t stay strong by being ‘assertive’. We hurt people. Scared to death everyone around them. Did things that… I can’t take back.”

“...we’d rationalize it to each other all the time. People had it coming, were asking for it, you can’t fix stupid, sort of thing. Any other day? Isa’s sister would have been just another idiot who dug her own grave. And if it wasn’t me sent to push her into it, it was going to be somebody else. And she probably had it coming anyway, anyone who does business with us does.” Axel’s tone was dry. Reciting. Phrases he had used a hundred times, “...but I had broken a kids arm the day before. A kid, kid. His parents needed to ship something for us, they were backing out of the deal, we needed them able-bodied to do it. So I was told, break the kids arm. And keep breaking bones until they wisened up.”

“It only took one bone,” Axel said softly, “... and that one got to me. I felt ill all day and was still feeling ill the next day too. It was like a poison in my chest. Couldn’t stop smoking, every time the memory came back I’d take a breath of nicotine so deep that my head started to spin and the memory went away again. Then I was sent after his dumbass sister and I just… needed to do something to feel better.”

“That was all it was. I just wanted to feel better.” Axel muttered, “And sometimes that helps. Even if maybe it shouldn’t.”

The island residents had come from all sorts of different backgrounds, but it had never mattered. Everyone here is on your side, and that rule, like the first, was absolutely, unconditionally true. Once he joined them, Axel’s criminal background hadn’t mattered, it just meant some of his stories could get pretty intense, but in honesty some of them hadn’t been able to get close to the octane in some of Even and Dilan’s.

Still, it wasn’t like they just ignored or forgot that Axel had been Yakuza. You only had to see his back if you needed a more blatant reminder. 

And maybe on a more normal day, Lauriam would murmur some softer words, would sit down next to his brother-slash-friend-slash-whatever in more physical support. 

But as it was, Lauriam burst into heavier drunken tears, listing off the seat of the toilet as he wailed, “AaaagSULLLL, that SUUUU-HUuuuh-HUUUUuuuh-CKS! You - you shou’g get t’ feel b-better all the TIME wi-wi’d’out any sht-stupid caveats!”

“Woah, whoops, you’re gonna–okay.” Axel scrambled up, going to steady Lauriam before he fell off the toilet… before snorting, “Geez, you really can’t hold your liquor. We still need to get you out of this stupid outfit, man, having an important conversation huddled in the bathroom, wearing that? I’m feeling triggered, get undressed and get in the shower already.”

“And look, I get what you’re saying, but the ‘caveat’ was a good thing. I know you like me, and you just want me to be happy, all that’s great. But I was an asshole and deserved to be ashamed of it. That shame gave me Isa and saved his stupid sister’s life.” Axel said, “And look, I’m not saying that’s what you need for the same reasons! I’m not saying you should have shitty self-esteem. I’m saying you do! It’s real bad! Maybe just do some stuff that makes you feel better about yourself. Like, I dunno, hearing Axel’s sad backstory regrets. I sure appreciate it.” Axel snickered, “...seriously. Shower. You smell.”

It was too late. Axel fell into the trap. The trap of ‘caring about his friend and not wanting him to fall’. 

As he cried, Lauriam leaned more against Axel as he steadied him and the lean quickly turned into Lauriam wrapping his arms around Axel and holding onto him. “‘Ll listen t’ all your crazy ffffri’ggen backstory shtuff bu’g I ge’ddtu be a MASSIVE hypocrite becauz I like you an’ I wan’ you to be happy even for the stuff tha’ was k-kinda mess’shed up, like, like breaking someone’s bones is hard, Axsul, that’s so much effort bu’ I’m s-so happy you gave Isa’s dumb si’ter a pass and you two met because you make each other so hhhappy even if it landed you two wi’sh us…”

There was a loud, disgustingly snotty sniffle before Lauriam blubbered, “Don’ goooo…!”

“Oh, now my clothes are gross… Lauriam, I’m supposed to spend the night, you just got boogers all over my… eh, yeah, yeah.” Axel snorted, wrapping his arms around Lauriam and patting his head lightly, “Don’t get it twisted, I am happy. I got you guys, I got Isa, I’m in a weird new place seeing cool new things. I don’t miss being a Yakuza even a little bit. I didn’t even keep my old name, Lauriam. It’s Axel because, despite allllll the shit that happened, and how bad it all was, and how I was gonna die in the worlds shittiest little box with the absolute worst bosses in the world…”

“I became the kind of person I was only dreaming about, before the factory.” Axel whispered, lightly scratching Lauriam’s scalp, “I had a real family, made real friends, got to finally explore… whatever is happening with me and Isa. I was still being made to do shit things, sure, but, well, the construct in my head dampening the guilt sure didn’t hurt, and on my off time I got to spend it with a bunch of kids who look at me like I’m the coolest guy in the world, hanging out with cool punks like you and Marluxia and Demyx. The factory even gave me my sister, who I didn’t even consider ever trying to reach out to on the outside.”

“I like being Axel. I like how it all ended up in the end. I like being stuck with you. Even when you’re like this. It’s a good thing. It’s all good.”

“E’gen in concrete, flowers-h-still grow,” Lauriam sniffled through the quote, holding Axel closer. Just…glad he was there. 

Even if--

“...don’ even ha’f a real bed yet, ‘n already gettin’ sleepovers,” Lauriam sighed, though to do it it was more like half-swallowing a sob, “‘N you can borrow clothes, Mars got a bunch…’n you’re shorter than us s-so it should be fine…”

Opening terribly teary eyes, Lauriam looked up from where he was pressed against Axel and whined, “You’ll still be here i’gf I shoulg - sho-shower?”

“Honestly, Lauriam, I am this close to offering to literally stay in the bathroom. Are you going to fall if I let you shower alone?” Axel asked, “I know we don’t do this much anymore since we left the factory, but I can stick around. You just really need to be clean.”

Lauriam sent a glance to his shower--even after seeing the set-ups at the castle, it still seemed oddly luxurious, especially for the price range. He was half-concerned that if he tried, he’d even be able to lie down in the deep bathtub--before giving Axel a small, pathetic nod. He didn’t feel like his body was about to fall apart, so much anymore, but especially the more he cried, the more light-headed he felt and…well, yeah. He didn’t trust himself not to fall and drown himself. 

“...w’s too hard earlier,” he whined, trying to defend himself.

“Yeah, well, I’m here now, so it’s alllll chill. Tell Even and Vexen to watch out, I’m coming for their schtick.” Axel chuckled, going over to turn on the shower… and then fiddling with it some more as he grumbled, “Why is every shower literally everywhere slightly but incomprehensibly different…”

Lauriam groaned and reluctantly let Axel pull out of his grasp, starting to clumsily get out of his factory sweats. There was a certain comfort in their familiarity…but he likely would feel better not wearing them. The fabric was cheap and worn, stained from years of constant wear, and…the familiarity brought along a lot of bad feelings too. 

…ugh, if he could help it, Even and Vexen wouldn’t hear a word of this. Literally his first full day on his own and already being babysat. 

(Nevermind that they were likely fully aware of where Axel had gone, even if Xaldin had been the actual person to ask him.)

He really needed to finish Axel’s gift. His brother deserved nice things that made him happy. 

-

It was only a matter of looking outside and seeing creatures beyond imagination like the kyuspawn to know it, but even a generation later in Tiavel there were countless remnants of the war. Fields only starting to grow again after being battlefields, rivers celebrated in massive aplomb for being once again swimmable, a flickering fire reminding that not all earthly divinity was gone…

A very mysterious deed to an underground bunker filled with honestly who knew what. Well, soon they’d have some sort of idea, the auditors were foaming at the mount to find and start legal battles to confiscate treaty-breaking weapons and contraband, but first, Halcyon of Echelle had one teeny tiny job to do before all that could happen. 

Find just whoever actually owned that bunker now. 

In their record scouring, at least the IRAD had found an address. And what a place it was! Hal couldn’t help but look over the charming building in admiration for a few moments before she walked up to the first door and knocked.

Knock… knock knock… knock–

The creaked open… and for a moment, it looked like it had perhaps opened on its own. Until far below, a head peaked warily around the corner. Big brown eyes looking up, a little girl quietly staring up at the stranger.

She didn’t say anything. Just held the door, looking curiously at the stranger.

Behind the girl, four wary eyes blinked, a low, threatening growl filling the air. 

…sooooo Halcyon decided not to crouch down to her level, retaining a good level of distance. Though, she still gave the little girl a smile as she said, “Good morning! Is there an adult home right now I can talk to, miss?”

The girl blinked. An adult…

The girl opened the door wider, before stepping back. She was barefoot, her feet making small padding sounds as she walked on the red rug that was laid out through the lobby hallway. The hallway branched out to two doors immediately–both closed tight–but further in was a large stairwell, along with pathways both left and right to the rest of the building, and a pathway behind it to an area behind the apartments. 

As the girl glanced over her shoulder, checking to see if the stranger was still following, there was a sudden PHOOMB sound from just behind them, the hallway with the tight closed doors. Stopping to look back, the girl watched quietly as a colorful, acidic smoke started to leak through the cracks of the door, before there was a heavy set of footsteps, when the door burst open, two teenagers bursting out panting, the girl quickly hurrying to open the front door to let the smoke out, while the boy shook a little, grabbing the front of his overalls clearly in a attempt to calm himself, “I-I don’t think that worked…”

“Levi, if we could open the windows, help, yes?” the girl said insistently, scrambling to open up the border windows around the front door next, before looking down the hall, “Oh, Girl! You gave a guest! Delightful! Maybe show your guest the back patio? Yes. Go now. Levi, windows.”

“Kay.” the boy said, helping her with the windows, which were clearly a little stuck, the two teens both working together to force them open.

The girl tugged on Hal’s sleeve, indicating for her to continue following.

Halcyon waited a moment, but as the oh that was a big puppy just followed after the little girl, she followed as well, her hooves a bit louder on the carpet. Ha, thankfully it wasn’t a particularly cushy one, the fibers always got caught in her hooves.

Raising an intrigued eyebrow at the…explosion? Halcyon watched the two teens for a moment, thinking to help…

But, aw, that little tug was pretty insistent, eh? 

“Good luck with that!” she still called to the teens before following ‘girl’ again. 

The teens didn’t seem bothered either way, finishing opening the windows before hurrying back down the stairs.

The girl continued past the stairwell, heading to the back of the apartment building, which seemed to have been her original goal from the beginning. Above them, on one of the upper floors, a gruff, baritone voice called down, “If you lot have done something to the oven pipes AGAIN–!”

But whatever threat was undoubtedly coming after that was lost as Girl led them through a back hallway, doors on either end showing what looked like some sort of long storage area in one end and an opening to a large kitchen area in the other–someone called out, “The oven? What about the oven!? Nothings happened to the oven!”--the girl opened the door, letting her dog go through first before heading out to the backyard patio.

The backyard was mostly a red-brick wall, that wall being mostly intended to at least partially cover the massive, gray concrete wall that was the result of a much larger, more square, more gray apartment building that had been built clearly some time after the building they were currently in had been formed, the windowless side of the building facing the Red Grove apartments. The patio was built in a way that suggested it had been designed for scenery viewing, and perhaps once upon a time there really had been a view. But now the massive gray wall partially hidden by the vine covered red-brick wall towered like a behemoth, a stone pillar no less dreadful or as intimidating as the monoliths worshipers of the old gods might have built in their names, blotting out the sun and casting the home in shadows.

 “Fuck’n travesty, isn’t it?” A voice called from the right, a blond man with long legs sitting in such a lounging state on otherwise upright chairs that it went past looking comfortable to its own form of torture, his legs propped up onto another chair as he smoked from a pipe, a military hat that had seen better days plopped onto the top of his head, wearing a rumbled soldiers uniform, his jacket entirely un-botton and not wearing a shirt, regulation or otherwise, beneath it. “They were half way done building it last time I was here. When I saw it today, I thought, oh, they must still be in the middle of building it. But nope. That’s apparently it. The whole of the design. Looks like a damn prison, still costs an arm and a leg to rent a damn room in it though…wait…”

The man looked over, rolling his head lazily as he smoked his pipe, “...you’re not one of the ones I thought you’d be. Figured Girl was here, so undoubtedly it was that uptight brother of hers. Girl, who is this?”

Girl didn’t respond. But she pointed meaningfully at the man. There. An adult.

Fascinating. It could be the result of a more open building plan, Halcyon supposed, but her own apartment neighbors weren’t a fraction as close as even a brief walk through Red Grove showed. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d spoken to one of her neighbors more than saying hello in the stairwell. It must really be something to grow up in a historical building like this. 

Even more seeing it juxtaposed with necessitative modernism next door.

Charmingly smiling at the little girl, Hal said, “Thank you very much, miss, you’ve been a most wonderful guide. The city bike tours will have some serious competition in a few years.”

Turning to the man, though, Hal offered up a respectful fist in greeting. “Good morning, sir! I’m Agent Halcyon from the Internal Revenue and Assets Department. We recently came upon some property that has records leading back to this address. Is there still a ‘Michael Record’ or his estate living here?”

The man raised a limp fist in greeting back, a small, amused smile on his face as he greeted, “Pav. Delighted, I’m suuuuure.”

Though he raised an eyebrow, mouthing the name to himself. Internal Revenue and Assets Department… “...IRAD?” he asked, now a touch wary, giving the woman a newly appraising look, “That’s no joke. Girl, you led the IRAD right to me? What are you, a narc?”

Girl shrugged, before petting Moonless’s head, and then crawling onto her back, riding her like a horse. Clearly done with walking by that point as she laid her chin on the top of Moonless’s head, watching the grown ups curiously.

“Can never trust a Rogue,” Pav muttered, finally forcing himself to at least slightly sit up, stretching with a groan, arching his back in the uncomfortable patio chair, “Michael Record? Why does that sound so familiar…Oh, the Record family! Lived up in the Library lofts, if I remember my stories right… that whole brood’s been long gone. I think they moved, but the way I hear it? Became the keeper of too many secrets. Gets to be a point where knowing too much becomes a hindrance, rather then a help. But I imagine you know all about that… Agent Halcyon, was it?” Pav asked, smiling lazily at her, “...I like your horns~”

“Chuffed as can be,” Halcyon lightly joked back, just amused by his wariness. “Ha, yeah, not every day the IRAD comes by to give you something, right? Promise I’m not here for collections or a surprise audit.”

There was an almost squeaky huff from Moonless as she yawned, shaking her head from Girl’s pet before she climbed on. The dog was still cautiously watching the stranger, but seemed to share Girl’s curiosity about what was happening. 

As Pav pinned down the Record family, though, Halcyon could only sigh a little, though she returned Pav’s smile. “That’s about what I get from chasing a document from 1038. Get the impression of what knowing a little too much does to you even from that, though it’s not like the old God-Kings of Avelona were known for their bookkeeping.”

“Halcyon of Echelle,” Hal greeted, returning, “And who do I owe the pleasure of talking to?” She rolled her eyes a little playfully. “For purely business reasons. Have to attribute starting the search for whoever’s inherited all this again to someone.”

“Inherited?” Pav asked, before whistling, smoking from his pipe again, “Oh, I got back just in time for the fireworks, I see. Pav Crime. Try not to mock the name too much, around here we all got stuck with one of the old, old, old names. Back when they named you after your fathers occupation. Michael Record, Pav Crime. It doesn’t get any less ridiculous from here.”

Pav suddenly sniffed the air, looking uncertainly at his pipe, before looking around, “What’s that smell then?”

“Why does everything smell like cleaner gone bad!? You all are tainting the food!” A man cried from inside.

“Working on it!” the teenage girl from before called, “All under control!”

“Honestly, I don’t know if inheriting this building would be a blessing or a curse,” Pav muttered. 

“Can’t help what your father did any more than you can help where you’re from,” Hal shrugged, comparing the more common surname type, before she sent an amused glance back at the door, seeing Moonless trot a few extra feet away from it. “Looked like someone messed up a chemistry project to me.”

“And I dunno, it’s a beautiful building,” she hummed appreciatively, “Still not as bad as your beloathed prison block, but even the new developments in Saiph-Navam don’t have this sort of personality.” A slightly impish grin. “But perhaps thankfully for whatever fume incident is going on, I’m not here to appraise the building.”

Giving another glance back at the door, she said, “...aaaaand since your backyard is enclosed, mind if I hang out here with you a little longer? It might be ‘all under control’ but I’m not eager to go breathe that in.”

“Please, take a seat,” Pav said, gesturing to the chair he had had his feet up in, “Would you like to bum a tobacco? I don’t have another pipe, but you could roll one if you’re so inclined.”

“Ever so kind~” Hal cheered as she sat down, though she declined the offer to smoke. “Thanks, but there’s only so much I can get away with on the clock, you know? Might be in a different city but the boss-man would somehow still have my head.”

Still, she seemed to have no issue with relaxing back and looking out at the backlot, before she gave Pav a small nod to his clothes. “You mentioned just getting back in town a few times--were you out on tour?”

“Mhm~” Pav said, leaning back to relax as well, following Hal’s lead, “Sailor. Was guarding the trade paths between us and the Unknowable Isles. You’ll never guess what happened.” Pav said, rolling his eyes as he smoked his pipe, “Something unknowable came by. Big, terrible beasty sort of thing. Attacked the ship, as they are want to do. We actually got off pretty clean, but–” Pav patted his chest, indicating something hidden beneath his clothes as he chuckled, “Took a claw straight across the chest. Damn near lost the arm. I’m on leave as essentially a ‘Sorry you almost died, take a month’ sort of thing.”

“You do any time?” Pav asked, meaning working in one of the militias.

“No kidding,” Halcyon remarked, though she did give a sympathetic wince as Pav patted his injury. “Ah yikes. Sometimes you’ll see something from the Isles that’s the cutest little thing, then you’ll get word of an indescribable beast making hurricanes or somesuch. That’s rough, sorry you rolled a tough encounter. Glad to be home at all, or is the sea still calling your name?”

(Sometimes as well, something from the Isles came over and made such a home in Tiavel that its descendants became beloved family pets. Or just beloved to a little girl)

Moonless yawned again and laid down, keeping Girl on her back.

Shaking her head, Hal chuckled, “Nah, was too young to enlist in the Unification War and tried waaaaay too hard to make an acting career work before I ended up at the IRA. Charity fundraising plays is about as close as I got to military work.”

“Ooooh, a theater type?” Pav asked, clearly finding that much more interesting then his own military talk, pointedly not answering if he was happy to be back or not as he peered with pointed curiosity at Hal, “Been in anything I would have heard of?”

“Oh, naturally.” More just closing an eye than actually winking, Halcyon flourished a hand to her chest and held the other out, delicately sparkling flowers practically forming into being behind her as she theatrically declared, “All the who’s who and well-to-dos across the land are intimately familiar with the Echelle Youth Center’s productions of Ophelia, Lima IV, and Into the Woods.”

She kept up the ‘charming prince’ character for another second before snorting and lowering her hands. “Never went big time, if you can believe it, but plays for community theater were still a lot of fun.”

“The theater weeps, losing what was clearly its rising diva,” Pav sighed, shaking his head lamentingly, before resting his cheek in his hand, “Ahhh, Ophelia. Everyone loves a good tragedy about a pretty woman, but between the three? I think I’d always pick Into the Woods, both for viewing and imagining myself among the cast. I auditioned once, for the school version of that. Got offered a leading role even! They said I could be the baker. But I refused and didn’t do the whole play in my offense.”

He smiled, one that would have been sharp, had there not been a lazy, tired waver just at the ends, “I wanted to be the Witch. I think I would have been fabulous. They missed out. Who did you play?”

“It’s fun really getting yourself wrapped up in a serious work, but honestly I like comedies more too,” Hal laughed, “Always feels more in conversation with the audience to me, especially when you get some jokester calling out to the characters. Had an audience once for Death Becomes Her that was way more interested in the two female leads’ relationship with each other and kept shouting ‘now kiss!’ in their fight scenes. Don’t think I’ve ever heard applause so well when the actresses finally did during the bows.”

“Aw, the Witch is such a fun role!” she gushed, “Bet you would’ve crushed it too! Had to have had some chops to get the baker since even out of the other leads I always read it as he and his wife’s story.”

Though, she gave him an amused look, even having said that. “Emberetta’s Prince and the Big Bad Wolf,” she snickered a bit, “The props team made these absolutely goofy covers to put over my horns to look like wolf ears, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a costume for that that doesn’t look silly.”

“Hah! That’s a tough role to pull off. It’s hard not to come across as either too sinister or too goofy to take seriously, that’s a ridiculous balancing act.” Pav said, the observation clearly doubling as a compliment, “I imagine you awakened a few things for a few different people. Mine, unfortunately, did not even come close to being compelling. He thrusted his hips to get around the stage instead of walking, you can imagine how charmingly a teenage boy in highschool pulled that creative choice off. The audience was literally half just parents, it was crickets. Absolutely painful to watch.”

Girl yawned lightly, nuzzling her head into Moonless’s fur. Yeah. This was about to be naptime. She was cool with that. Naps were cool.

“Oh nooooo,” Halcyon laughed in dismay, “Oh that’s rough. Have to just hope teenage obliviousness protected the absolute ego shattering that could’ve been. It’s a really fun role, but absolutely, can be pushed too far. To the point I wasn’t sure if I should’ve been offended at the potential type-casting.” She shook her head with a good-natured smile. “I played a lot of princes, so if I was anyone’s awakening, they sure had a lot of opportunities to figure it out.”

Moonless chuffed comfortably, relaxing into the soft morning sunlight. Totally calm…

“Dammit, this freakin’ - Wizards going to burn down the whole - Crime, get over here and help clear out--” The man hardly seemed to get a whole sentence out, and he stopped once again, completely blind-sided by the stranger on the patio. Furrowing his brow, Henryk frowned at Pav. “I didn’t know you had friends.”

Pav’s face, oddly enough, seemed to light up at the appearance of the new man… though on Pav, it was hard to tell if his delight was sincere or not, as he rested his chin in his palm and battered his eyelashes, “Jealous? Play your cards right, Henryk, perhaps she’ll share us. Wouldn’t that be a fun tango?”

He sniffed the air, before sighing, standing up, his body practically folding over by the weight of how clearly he did not want to bother as he said, “Well, better make sure we still have a building for you to make us fight over, dear Agent. I’ll open up the upper floor windows, Henryk, don’t you fret.”

Sputtering through some fluster, Henryk finally huffed, “Get real.” 

Though, as the non-teasing parts of what Pav said filtered through his mind, Henryk frowned and drew himself up to stare down the…agent? “Who are you? What does he mean by fighting over the building? Red Grove belongs to Father.”

Getting up, Halcyon offered a fist bump, not commenting on the weak-wristed one she received. “I’m Agent Halcyon representing the Internal Revenue and Asset Department, aaaaand I see I might’ve been unclear. I’m not here about Red Grove Apartments--the IRA recently came across a pre-war structure presumably owned at one point by a Michael Record. Who, last on file, had an associated address here. My job here is to find the current owner of the asset to update the deed details.”

Henryk only looked grimmer at the mention of an IRA agent at Red Grove, and his frown deepened when he heard of her business. “The Record family is no longer here…but they left pretty much all assets to the Primes.”

“Well.” He slid a disdainful glance over to Pav. “Formerly to the Crimes, but everything’s in the Primes’ names now.”

Pav kissed the air and winked at Henryk, before strolling past him, swaying his hips as he disappeared inside…

…before suddenly returning, all the swagger and smug flirting gone as he sighed, shoving the trembling teenage boy from earlier out, “If you couldn’t breathe, say something. Moron.” He told the boy, who immediately started to cough once he was in some fresh air, Pav rolling his eyes as he headed back inside. 

“K’augh, K’OAGH, nngh, s-sorry,” the teenager whispered, his nose dripping with snot as he trembled, “...bout the fumes.”

He glanced nervously around, before notably looking relieved to see Girl and Moonless snoozing on the grass. That was a relief, at least. 

Whatever continued business could’ve happened, it seemed to be put on hold as Levi was pushed outdoors. Sighing, Henryk pulled a napkin from the drawstring of his apron and pushed it into Levi’s hand, moving the teen to the chair Pav had just left. “Levi, sit down, I’m about to pass out just looking at you.”

With another heavy sigh, he gave Hal a grim look. “Please wait out here while we clear things out; I can find Father to talk to you about the deeds.” And with that, Henryk headed back in, muffled shouting almost immediately starting up from inside. 

So that left Halcyon… Well, Girl and the dog were out for the count. 

She gave the young teen a sympathetic smile. “Havin’ some trouble with a school project in there? Sounded kinda gnarly before.”

Levi blew his nose into the napkin, slumped into the chair. The snot came away very, very green. Some of it was sparkling. Levi folded it up and blew again. That one came out more normal looking. 

Hal had done absolutely nothing startling, aggressive or even particularly loud… but the look on Levi’s face would have suggested she had suddenly started screaming at him out of nowhere. A shocked, startled strain around his too wide eyes as he trembled, looking at her like he had no idea what she was going to do next. 

He gave a few shallow, panting breaths of panic… before swallowing. “Sorry. We were studying.”

Above them, windows started opening up on the upper floors. Pav and likely a few others clearing the air. Levi looked up and winced as he saw green, sparkling fumes puff out, “...sorry.”

Halcyon regarded Levi for a moment before she gently crouched down, making herself a smaller presence but not sitting back down next to him, though she did glance up at the fumes that puffed out of the duplex. Huh…chemistry had changed a lot since she’d been in school.

“No worries,” she said simply, “Accidents happen. One of the doors back at my parents’ place is completely crooked, nearly kicked it off its hinges when I was probably around your age. Can’t get through life without leaving your mark on it.”

Levi seemed to search Hal’s eyes, something that felt more obvious the way he was clearly looking at each eye individually. Looking from one, then the other, then back. He seemed to be trying to figure out if she was being sincere or not, brow furrowed in concern as he tried to analyze her words and their intentions…

…and when he decided she was trying to be nice and reassuring, and maybe was even making a joke, he seemed to try to smile. The left side of his face hitched up lightly, but he put no effort into the right side, which was still worryingly appraising her. He showed teeth, then grew uncertain and hid his teeth, half-smiling tight lipped, before his smile visibly wavered as he lost confidence that he should be smiling at what she said at all. Notably starting to sweat as he sat frozen, unsure what to try next. How did one finish smiling?? Could he just stop? He should have never committed to smiling in the first place–

“Seems I came back to some excitement. Girl, are you–ah, she’s asleep. That’s pretty cute,” a man said, hurrying out from the back door, waving his hat across his face to clear the fume as he placed his briefcase down, before noting Levi and Halcyon, “Ah! We have a guest! Tanaka Knight, lovely to meet you,” Tanaka said, stepping forward and offering Halcyon a steady and strong fist bump, smiling at her charmingly before giving Levi a worried look, “You alright there, Levi? You’re grimacing.”

Levi gratefully let the smile fall. Nodding as he gave Tanaka a worried, nervous look, lightly rubbing his arm. Which was pretty normal for Levi, so Tanaka figured he was fine as he turned back to Halcyon, “So who do we have the pleasure?”

Oh, here was an overthinker if she ever saw one, poor kid. Still, Halcyon just smiled easily back at Levi, not expecting anything more from him. Even if he seemed to be analyzing that too. 

Though, for good reason considering the strange fumes, the backdoor of the duplexes seemed to be revolving and Halcyon straightened up to return a fistbump to the newest resident that came out. 

“Agent Halcyon of Echelle, the pleasure’s mine,” she greeted back with a grin. “It seems I’ll be intruding a little longer at your home, if just to wait out for a safe trip back to the front door.”

“Flaming Kyurem, damn,” Abella coughed, dragging a clearly reluctant Samarie out onto the patio, the two of them splattered to varying degrees with green. Though, catching the end of Halcyon’s latest introduction, the redhead paused, catching her breath. “Agent…?”

She glanced to Girl, snoozing in a sunbeam with Moonless, and Levi all blotchy-faced, before she gave the Glaisaur a grim look. “Oi, this place is up to code, whatever some dumbass explodes in their own faces’ got nothing to do with the building.”

“And what would you know about dumbasses?” Samarie scoffed, giving Abella a dirty look at the slight against Marina. It could be taken or left for Levi. “Other than it’s that kind of move to drag me out there when my dearest is still airing things out. It is a little cute, though,” she remarked, voice growing into a mumble as a flush started coloring her pale cheeks, looking at the green blotches on her clothes, “She made sure we were matching today…”

Just taking that in stride, Halcyon shook her head, offering fistbumps to the newcomers. “Not that sort of agent--I’m from the IRA. I’ve gotten the impression I have business with the, ah, ‘Prime’ patriarch about some inherited assets from the Record family.”

“The Record Family? Goodness, did someone manage to find them after all? We might owe the Crime family an apology,” Tanaka said, giving Abella a knowing look, “Not that anyone still alive would have been involved either way. Best to let bygones be bygones and leave some things in the past, no?”

Levi gave Tanaka a slightly bewildered look at that. It wasn’t the sentiment itself that confused him, but hearing a Knight say it? ….really???

“As for Mr. Prime? Though really I’m sure he’d be absolutely fine to be called August, he’s a stiff-upper lip sort of fellow but he’s not cold by any means… well, I believe I’ve actually heard he’s gone off to the train today to meet his daughter, Karin. You should be sure to congratulate them both when you see them, she’s just gotten honored for her work in Panem. She’s a reporter, apparently uncovered a massive conspiracy, has saved a lot of people. A real bonafide hero!” Tanaka smiled, “Just like her father. I don’t buy into that ‘greatness runs in the family’ concept, but it’s easy to make that connection, looking at the Primes!”  

Taking note of the grimace Abella gave Tanaka in return to the pointed look, Halcyon let out a sheepish chuckle. “Ah, that’s not quite… The IRA found some property that at one point was held by a Michael Record, and linked to this address. I don’t believe I caught his name, but a member of the Prime family that certain assets of the Record family are now in the Prime name, so…”

Halcyon gave an easy-going shrug. “You all have some history here, huh.”

Samarie rolled her eyes. “That’s a way to say it, sure.”

“That’s pretty amazing, though,” Halcyon nodded to the news Tanaka passed on, “I’ll be on the look-out for that report! Always interesting, hearing the big news from around the world.”

“I’ve skimmed it myself. I know, terrible of me, but when you’re always on the go-go-go, it can be so hard to find time to read–ah! How goes it in there, Marina?”

Marina had stepped out from the back door, brushing off her clothes a bit–a futile effort, there was no way she was getting those stains out–before giving the group a small, mildly sheepish smile as she placed her fingertips gently against each other, “The fumes have cleared, the pot finally stopped boiling and we got the lid sealed. Sorry for the disruption everyone.”

Marina glanced at the new person, but her eyes couldn’t seem to linger long before heading to Levi. Walking around the others, she headed to Levi, “I’m sorry I yelled. Can I see your hands?”

Levi winced, but brought up his hands for her to inspect. On his palms were dark green marks, with the skin around them reddening. Marina winced at the sight herself, before stepping back to let him get up, “Come on, let’s go clean that off.”

“Kay.” Levi murmured, following her inside.

“Ah, I guess we’ve been given the all-clear! Can I invite you inside for a drink, Agent Halcyon? I bet Henryk would be open to putting together some lemonade for us, he’s an accommodating sort of fellow if you catch him in the right mood.” Tanaka invited.

From her more sullen disposition, Samarie perked up significantly when Marina came outside, eyes only for the other teen. “You know, no worries--most exciting thing to happen here for ages.”

Samarie seemed to pay no mind as Marina simply walked past to check on Levi, and didn’t wait for an invitation before following the two of them back inside as well. 

“Geez,” Abella sighed, tipping her head back with a hand on her hip. “Guess that means it’s time to check the damage too. So much for a fuckin’ day off…”

As everyone started heading back inside--Moonless simply snuffling a sigh in sleep. Her plans for the day utterly unchanged--Halcyon gave Tanaka a nod. “If that’s alright with everyone for me to wait for Mr. August here. I swear,” she laughed, “IRA meetings don’t usually commandeer the whole household or complex’s time like this. But we all have to roll with extenuating circumstances, don’t we.”

“Oh, we’re all fine, upstanding people who are always on time with our taxes… well, probably,” Tanaka said, as Pav sauntered down the stairs, “Pav! You’re…back?”

“I know, pop the confetti canons, put up the ticker tape, we’ll put on a parade,” Pav smiled, dipping his hat to Tanaka, “Long time no see, Tank. I see you entirely failed to live up to your nickname.”

“Really only you ever called me that,” Tanaka muttered, before taking off his hat and putting it on his chest, “Well, I’m sorry you were discharged. I’m sure you didn’t–”

“Just on leave, I’ve not been kicked out, haven’t stolen anything. Well, not that they’ve ever found out about,” Pav snickered, before calling out, “Hey, where’s the leftover Prime? Henryk! Henryk, darling, come back to the kitchen and make yourself useful!”

“Different sub-department, no need to hold your breath,” Halcyon half-joked, giving Pav a ‘once-again-meeting’ nod as he came back downstairs. Though, she was mildly surprised to hear that Pav’s return from the military was extremely recent, and not maybe a few weeks old as she’d assumed.

Nearer to the door she’d seen Levi and Marina burst out of initially, the man from the Prime family, Henryk apparently was handing off a chilled bottle to a blue-haired man with an eyepatch who quickly headed past the door. Hearing his name, though, Henryk turned and scoffed at Pav. “And who wouldn’t have leftovers at all if not for me? Though I’m not room service, Pavlov, quit yapping.”

“Tsk. You hear how he says my name? All full of contempt, like a slur… he’s wild about me,” Pav ‘whispered’ to Halcyon, ignoring Tanka’s openly judging side-eye as he sauntered forward, “You always make so much extra, how can I not take advantage, Henryk? What did you make? Come on now, don’t be shy, I know you want it to be eaten.”

Tanaka sighed, trailing behind them towards the kitchen, “You mentioned our ‘history’. Imagine growing up on top of each other, rubbing elbows with kids that are all quite literally going through every stage of life with you right alongside you… and still somehow having nothing in common with them. All of the families in this building had… or, well, collected,” Tanaka said, glancing behind him to the Wizard families’ door, “kids at roughly the same time, and we’ve all grown up here. You’d think that’d make us all close! But alas–”

“Are you gossiping about us literally right in front of us, Tank?” Pav said, taking a break from harassing Henryk for food to give Tanaka the stink eye, “Your voice is nowhere near as low as you think it is either. Who says we’re all not close? We’re all thick as thieves! Now we just need O’saa, Abella, Marcoh and Daan to all stop hiding in their holes and it’ll be the old gang, all back together! Seriously, you’d think they’d at least come out to say hi, it’s been three years.” Pav muttered, resting against the counter.

“I’d imagine it’s like taking school to another level,” Halcyon nodded, “Can’t choose who you’re going to spend years with, and even if you don’t click there’s a familiarity that ties you regardless. Just gets even messier when the place you’re all together in is home.”

Not just by August’s request, Henryk was happy about his sister’s homecoming too, thanks, Henryk had been preparing a bit of a feast for lunch. Most of the morning had been spent on preparing the curried duck, but as it stewed there had been several kinds of peppers quickly saved from where they had been roasting up when the fumes from the Wizards’ experiment flumed out. There was a bowl of chickpeas soaking in what seemed to be a broth and a pot of rice on the stove ready to be turned on when all the other components were ready. 

…even so, with dirty looks, Henryk poured out lemonade for all parties before giving Pav a flat look. “Right, so Daan should just stop treating Levi’s burns right now to say hi? Or for Abella to leave checking whatever damage that nonce did all to Ragnvaldr? Just because you’re coasting now doesn’t mean everyone else doesn’t have jobs.”

“Coasting? Coasting? I am laid low after a terrible, life threatening injury! That I valiantly received protecting our waters! So that you spoiled lot can get watches and wine on the cheap,” Pav scoffed, reaching around Henryk in the most inconvenient and unnecessary way possible, wrapping his arm all around Henryk’s front as Henryk tried to pass him, to tap on the watch on his wrist, “That looks nice. Where’s it from, Wonderland? Kimigashine? Doesn’t matter, you can thank my brave efforts that you have it. Well, me and Mayor Daddy’s wallet.” Pav snickered, pressing ever slightly too close to Henryk, before backing off with a flourish, collecting his glass of lemonade. 

“And I bet Osaa doesn’t even have a job. Probably still staring at trees, pretending he can hear them speak.” Pav scoffed, leaning against the counter and sipping his lemonade, “Loonies, the whole Wizard family. Just because half the stuff they try works doesn’t mean they’re not out of their minds. Bet it’s only gotten worse now that the two kids have gotten older. Levi looks like he’s one bad scare from a heart attack.”