“Trust is something that is earned. When it’s not, then you must ensure failsafes.” Katsuki turned to Kaito with that same slightly relaxed smile. “It seems that people are willing to let you earn that trust again, since the failsafes have been taken off.”

And not just at Kokichi’s request. She knew that he had been upset that Kaito was stuck in the medical wing, but she also knew that Kokichi knew that it was necessary. Just like when Mr. Kauzaki would spend the nights with Kokichi instead of returning to his own room, or certain people would be given soft restraining orders, it was a time for Kokichi to process his fear, and for the people who had hurt him to get their act together. To be better. 

Kokichi may forgive too easily, but he didn’t forgive everything without stipulations. It was something that...having someone believe in you, someone who was really in your corner, was a precious thing, and could make the more maddening moments of life bearable. But you had to make yourself worthy of it, because after too long, even a mouse will bite.

Katsuki looked back over to Kaito at his question, and, without hesitation, she was able to give him a bright smile and a confident, “Yes!”

Then, she tempered herself a little. “In a certain manner, this is my anything else. For a long time, I had no choices in my life, if you would deign to call it a life at all. I simply did what I was expected to with no other thought. And then...Kokichi gave me a choice. For the first time in my life, I had a choice…”

Unlike the guard, Katsuki’s voice softened, her gaze going far away in fondness, thinking about that night. One of the scariest in Kokichi’s life, to her regret, but...something that changed the course of her entire life. 

“...I didn’t know what to do with it, at first. I had no expectations of myself, but for the first time, I was in front of someone who didn’t have any expectations for me either. He was frightened of the mission I was there for, but that fear didn’t stop him from being kind. From wondering what I was getting from the mission. From wondering what I wanted from life.”

She turned back to Kaito, the old regret and thankfulness just allowing her to quirk the corners of her lips. “It confused me long enough for Ikuo Kauzaki to come in and subdue me. And I had a long time to think about what Kokichi had said. The choice he’d given me.”

“I’m still figuring it out, I believe, but because of him, I chose to live. To have my own expectations and desires and to make my own choices. Something that is inherently given to every being upon their birth, but is taken away for some.” And right then, Katsuki made a decision not to comment that...well, since she hadn’t been born, none of that had been an option until Kokichi had explained it to her. But she still hoped that the child she had replaced, grown now, wherever he was, had a life filled with his own expectations. 

Looking over at Kaito curiously, Katsuki asked, “And you, Kaito Momota? What is your expectation for your life?”

Kaito listened to all of this quietly, the two walking slowly, taking their time...and he heard her question. Of course he did. But…

He just started to laugh. 

It was a borderline hysterical sound, though not to the point of madness. Just...laughter derived partly from shock and partly from not being as shocked as he should have been and just finding that so fucking funny…

He laughed so much his stomach hurt, and he had to pause, leaning against the stair safety rail for a moment as his laughing died down, he glanced over at Katsuki...and then started bursting into giggles again.

After a moment, the giggles subsided, and Kaito had to brush a tear from his eyes, purely from the stress of laughing that much as he said, chuckling between every half-gasped word, “Oh, man...ya know, I bet Kokichi told me at one point that you tried to kill him. I bet you anything he’s mentioned it. I’ve just…” more giggles, “I’ve literally lost track of who here has and hasn’t tried to kill him. Holy fuck. Hahaha!”

Kaito continued laughing, shaking his head in amusement, just…”Wow.” he chuckled. “That’s a crazy story, Katsuki. I gotta ask, how old was he when you tried it? I mean, when I tell people how I tried to kill my husband in the future, I’ll always have to say he was twenty when it happened, but I bet some people have crazy low numbers on him! Oh! You know what I’d love to do? And I really, really bet I could do it!” Kaito chuckled, laughing into his hands, “We should just start referring to units of times in, like, instead of years? In units of when someone tried to kill Kokichi. So this year would be the year of Kaito and The Remnants, and your year would be the year of Katsuki. Or, do you have to share your year with someone else too?” Kaito giggled.

Katsuki just looked at Kaito, not finding anything she had said as funny as Kaito did. “...I do not find my mission to murder the heir of Dicea a matter worth laughing over. I consider it to be one of the lowest moments of my life, though I had no concept of such a thing at the time. I caused someone I have come to care deeply about a great deal of fear. In the fourteen years we have known each other, Kokichi might have forgiven me, but I do not believe I deserve that forgiveness.”

“However, dwelling on that will do no one any good, so I can only prove myself over indefinitely for the pain I have caused others. Perhaps one day I will have made up that debt, but emotions are not quantifiable things. As Kokichi likes to say, they just stack. I can only hope that, when the end of my life comes, I have done a great deal more good for him than bad.”

She paused for a moment, giving him a hard look though...there was no emotion to it. “From the intelligence I have gathered, you are likely to be the person who has caused the most physical harm to Kokichi--given that you have hurt him physically at all. I respect Kokichi, and I respect his decision to keep giving you chances. He seems happy with you. I can only hope that you will take the same approach to try and do more good for him than bad.”

“I have the record on physical damage, huh? That makes sense. I was literally just thinking that not even the Remnants ever actually tried to kill him. So it would really just be the year of Kaito.” The Luminary Prince chuckled again, the sound more hollow now, a fresh layer of exhaustion now lining his face, the hysteria calming down as he went back to walking with the guardsman. “I wonder what year Waku tried killing him...year of Waku...that actually kind of has a ring, if I’m honest…”

Kaito saw another hard look at that, and sighed. “Relax. I’m not gonna ask her. Won’t ask anyone. Honestly, I’m just gonna start quietly assuming everyone I’ve ever met has tried and failed to kill ‘Kichi at some point, and I still did a better job of it then all of them. And no one even had to coarse me or pay me! I’m a free-lance Kokichi murderer and top of my field!” 

Kaito chuckled a little at this, the sound dry now...as he said, “You think I don’t realize I have the least room to judge out of everyone? I’m the worst fucking thing that’s ever happened to that guy. I know that.” Kaito muttered….before saying, “I’m not even trying to be mean. I was just genuinely shocked. But, you’re right. You’ve done more good for Kokichi than bad. You’ve saved his life. So...thank you for that.”

“It’s not something worth thanks,” Katsuki said sincerely, though not unkindly. “It is the bare minimum of my post. I have dedicated myself to this job at first to start to repay my debt to Kokichi, then because I enjoy the work. I have skills that can benefit others in this field--it is natural to use them.”

“People make mistakes. That in itself doesn’t say much about them. How they try to rectify those mistakes does.” Giving Kaito a side glance, Katsuki’s gaze softened slightly. “The fact that you are still here says pretty good things about you. I look forward to seeing what you decide for the future, Kaito Momota. I know that Kokichi is too.”

Katsuki had learned that philosophy, living in Dicea. You make a mistake. If you try to defend that mistake or ignore it, then you are refusing to acknowledge other people, and then are shunned in society, while still being protected within it. If you try to make up for that mistake, then you are willing to cooperate, and people will give you the benefit of the doubt in your attempts. Then, if you really are willing and mature, you learn from that mistake. You reach out to other knowledge and perspectives and educate yourself for the better. 

Only then do you grow and really make up for that mistake.

Kaito kinda wished he was dead.

Which was a...weird thought? He had never wished that before. He hadn’t even wished that while chest deep in spores. Hadn’t wished that for some of the worst moments in his life, in the past.

But, well...two rapes, one murder attempt, and one kidnapping attempt where he choked out his husband and treated his best friends like slaves later, and...yeah. 

Kaito kinda wished he was dead.

...Kaito was pretty sure it wasn’t a serious wish. Nothing he would act on. He was mostly just surprised to feel it at all. Looked at the feeling inside of himself with curiosity and more than a bit of confusion. It didn’t feel foriegn. He knew he was free of the spores, more or less, now. Was taking his medicine regularly and wasn’t feeling anywhere close to how he felt a week ago.

So, yeah...the feeling was just him. Something new and awful and there.

Kaito kinda thought it was funny, honestly.

He wouldn’t. He knew he wouldn’t. It just was...this new ugly reality for him. He looked at Katsuki, who seemed...genuinely hopeful about him. Her words reeking of wisdom learned through time. She was probably, Kaito realized, his future. Someone whose life would revolve around Kokichi from now on due an offense she had made against him years ago, whose own good deeds were literally things she didn’t deem worthy of even thanks. Literally the smallest gesture Kaito could have possibly offered her for the effort of saving his husband's life.

A lifetime of regret and guilt that a thousand genuinely heroic acts would never make up for.

Kaito felt that heavy layer of guilt in his stomach and chest get a little thicker...before laughing over it. Covering it up as best he could, as he chuckled, “Yeah, well, we’ll see how it goes...yeah, I guess if I’m diligent, I can...do more good than I’ve done bad.” Kaito said, the words not feeling like a lie on his lips, but that was mostly because he wasn’t really thinking about it at all. Was just saying it because, well...it was probably what was expected of him by this point, and, again! 

Being the kind of person you wanted to be?

Practice.

It would take practice.

So Kaito sighed and buried the guilt down and nodded along with his fellow Kokichi murderer and said, “Well, I’m gonna thank you again, anyway, Katsuki. Thank you. You were invaluable back at the coast. And I hope you know you can come for me for anything, in the future? I’m in your debt...ha!” Kaito laughed again, shaking his head, “I am in lots of people’s debt lately. But yours especially. Are you gonna come in? Say hi to Kokichi?” Kaito offered, as they got close to his door. “I’m sure he’d love to see you.”

The softer smile was back. “If you will insist, then I will accept that thanks. You are welcome. I will consider you a resource, but I wish to remind you that I am for you as well. I am a member of the guardforce, sworn to protect Diceans. That includes you, Kaito Momota.”

Katsuki looked to the door and gave the prince a nod. “I will not intrude, but I will send my goodnights.”

-

Kokichi had stopped by Ikuo’s room to let him know Shuuichi’s answer, giggling at his dad’s enthusiasm and determination to care for his boyfriend. He practically had to keep the man from dashing out of the castle to find any shop still open to start. And while that was all in good humor...things did get a little serious. Ikuo, once he’d calmed down, remarking that Miyako would’ve been just as excited, if nervous to become a grandmother. If there was a sort of afterlife, he bet that the astronomer would give every blessing she could to Shuuichi’s baby. 

Kokichi had been the first person back to their room, and he was quiet as he got ready for bed, changing into pajamas and brushing his teeth. 

...would she have been proud of him? Accidentally getting his boyfriend pregnant while he was addicted to the most dangerous drug Kokichi had ever heard of...unable to meet any of the needs and support of his husband who had gone through so much terror and hardship and could still put on a smile for others...never being in charge enough that his sister-in-law could never, ever rest...not even being able to tell her son that he could call him ‘uncle’...

Kokichi flopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Aiichi didn’t resent him. Had been shocked and saddened when Kokichi explained that’s what he’d thought for years. But...it still didn’t feel like his mom had anything to be proud of at all...

Kaito gave Katsuki a little wave as she walked off, before going to the door.

Okay, Kaito Momota! Take a breath! It’s your first night back! Don’t be weird about it! They’re counting on you to be better! You got this!! 

Grinning warmly, Kaito gave a small knock at the door, gave a soft “It’s me.” and then walked in.

The grin slipped a little as he just managed to catch Kokichi staring at the ceiling and not doing much else, and it looked like Shuuichi hadn’t gotten back yet either. Giving a small, concerned look around, confirming they really were alone, Kaito grinned again, saying gently, “Hey babe.”

Heading to the bed, he leaned over and (carefully. Movements are a little hesitant. Vaguely worried he might (fingers that fit all the way around the neck) startle his husband if he made any sudden moves.) brushed some of the hair out of his face as he said, voice teasing a little. “Cute PJ’s. These new, or I just haven't seen them before?” he asked, as he leaned down to give Kokichi a gentle kiss on the forehead.

Kokichi looked up as Kaito came in, finding himself smiling despite his mood. Feeling like...things really were getting better, even from a little thing like Kaito coming to sleep in their room again. Things fitting back into place. 

Smiling appreciatively at the kiss, Kokichi propped himself up. “Prolly haven’t seen them before. The slow transition to winter jammies has started--no more wearing shorts to bed for me! Not even my furnace of a husband can change that, though he’ll make nights more comfortable.”

Kokichi laughed lightly, looking over the flannel pants that were too long for him and the loose, long sleeved sleep shirt with a pattern of a sheep on the front, the sheep’s coat actually made with a patch of treated wool. They were cute, and Kokichi had never thought much of them. Not like the onesie he wasn’t sure Kaito remembered cooing over the idea of. 

Kissing Kaito’s cheek, Kokichi scooted over on the bed, sort of needlessly making room for Kaito to lie down, though he assumed Kaito would get up to get ready for bed sooner or later. “Everything go alright?”

Kicking off his shoes, Kaito laid down on the offered scooted room, giving a small, satisfied sigh at feeling the soft give of the familiar mattress again. Damn, he had missed their bed… 

“Hmmm?” Kaito asked, genuinely uncertain for a moment about what Kokichi meant, before remembering, “Oh! Uh...yeah, I’m an idiot. I left and immediately realized I had no idea who you were talking about.” Kaito chuckled, the lie coming surprisingly easy to him. 

It was way easier to not feel bad about lying when you had things like rape and murder attempts always on the back of your mind. Put things into perspective, really. “And, I couldn’t remember the name you gave me by the time I found someone to ask, so I just kinda wandered around hoping I’d get lucky. Spoiler alert: I did not.”

He was trying to be kind, right now. He didn’t...he felt like it was a betrayal to go see Togami. Even if all he had intended was to yell at the guy. Which he...hadn’t even kinda done. Had just immediately gone back to acting like a love-struck puppy again. The farther away from Togami he got, the more he wanted to go back and yell at him. Finally say all the things he had been wanting to say to him since he was sixteen. Tell him what a piece of shit he was for leaving him, how many people Kaito had found who were a better lay than him, how he hadn’t missed him even a little bit!

Nope. Hadn’t said any of that. Just...acted like a total idiot...and yeah, felt guilty for going to see him in the first place. He seriously doubted Kokichi would appreciate Kaito going to gush over his ex. What a shitty husband…

“I’ll try again tomorrow. I really, ya know… I definitely should get on that. Better to call Byakuya before he has to call me, ya know?” Kaito observed, his stomach tightening slightly with nerves at the idea.

Kokichi let out a soft, good-natured laugh. “My bad, I should’ve given you a description. If you see a tall guy looking like he’s sleeping standing up, that’s Ryouhei. If you can’t find him, I think just going to the scribes’ office and asking to set up an appointment for you to have a call with your brother would work the same.”

Despite his personal feelings about Byakuya and his feelings about Byakuya interacting with Kaito...he was Kaito’s brother. No one had any right to keep them from talking if they were both willing...as borderline abusive Kokichi had a hunch their interactions were. Byakuya was willing to wage war to keep an eye on Kaito so...even telling Kaito that he didn’t have to talk to Byakuya if he didn’t want to wasn’t really an option…

Huffing, Kokichi wrinkled his nose a bit before forcing himself to calm down. “At least there’s some leeway there… You both have to agree on a time to talk, so there’s some advance on both sides. I need to get on that too, actually… I promised your cousin and Maki-chan that I’d help them get some time to talk to each other.”

...he...wasn’t ready for that sort of conversation… 

...but he needed to be. It wasn’t fair to everyone suffering in the Luminary system. ...maybe he’d be able to talk to Shuuichi again, maybe even get him in on the call. If they could just get away with destroying property instead of lives...that would be ideal. 

Kokichi suddenly threw an arm over his eyes and whined, squirming back and forth a little. “Tomorrow!! I’m tired, nothing else is happening tonight besides getting to snuggle with the two loves of my life.”

Kaito laughed at this, turning around so that he was laying on his front, his elbows propping him up as looked at Kokichi with open fondness as he said, “Oh yeah? Well, according to Timothy, as my king commands. Come here, beautiful.” Kaito said, opening up space next to him by lifting his arm, inviting Kokichi in.

When his husband scooted in, Kaito laid down with a small sigh, kissing Kokichi’s head through his hair, resting his head down on his arm as he looked down at his beautiful husband...maybe that’s what he should have done instead. Just bragged to Togami how much better Kokichi was. How nice to him his future king was. How fun and kind and...painfully forgiving…

Kaito looked at him for a moment...before chuckling. “Maki and Kaede, huh? Man, that’s tragic right there. Ya know, it never would have worked, but man that was a coupling I wanted to see for a while there. Poor Maki...she’s so hopelessly in love with that woman.” Kaito said with a small sigh. “Don’t tell her I told you, I think she’d stab me, but when Kaede got married, I had to miss most of the ceremony because I was consoling her in a storage closet. She just wouldn’t stop crying...which was bad. I was meant to be standing with the groom at the ceremony as a representative of Luminary? Yeah, we ended up just telling people I was too drunk and didn’t make it. I got an earful for that one.” Kaito chuckled again, hugging Kokichi to himself.

Oh man...okay, that was something that was going to make him laugh for a while. Sure, even in recent Dicean history it wasn’t that weird for the current leader to be pretty young, but sheesh. A child’s perspective, he supposed. Maybe it’d be something funny to bring up when Tim was older. 

Kokichi made a pleased little sound as he snuggled up to Kaito, nuzzling at his chest and kissing his cheek again and having to take a deep breath because...wow he’d missed this. Missed Kaito. Just being able to chat again was wonderful, and now… Kokichi gave his husband another nuzzle, not sure if it was normal to feel like this after two weeks apart but...well, in his defense, it had been an unreasonably stressful two weeks. 

“Oh?” Blinking up at Kaito… Well, he should’ve guessed. From how Maki talked about Kaede...it was kind of obvious. And...he really had nearly forgotten that Kaede was married. Like...no one had mentioned her husband. Ever. To the point it was...a little concerning but… Kokichi wasn’t sure if it was just because he hadn’t been relevant to any conversation he’d had with anyone. 

“...we got real lucky, huh,” Kokichi murmured, hugging around Kaito’s waist, closing his eyes for a moment. “It must be awful to get married to someone when you’re in love with someone else. I still don’t like the circumstances of why our marriage was arranged...but I think I’ll be grateful for getting to meet my best friend.”

“We did! Ya know, it’s sorta funny…” Kaito mused, everything kind of funny to him right now. It was a weird day. He was hoping a good night sleep might make it less weird later. “...I mean, our fate was kinda sealed fifteen years ago, right? When the war started? Or, hell, maybe even longer then that...maybe our fate was sealed when our parents first went to school together.”

“We both had these...lives and things, these expectations of what our future would be like...choices we’d have to make someday? And...really, none of that was ever a factor. We were always going to end up here...nothing you or I decided factored into it. We could have been totally different people, different goals and aspirations and personalities, and we’d have still ended up here...I don’t know. Something about that is just really surreal and funny to me. Like...destiny. We really did get very lucky.” Kaito said, thinking to himself ‘Or, well, I did, anyway’,  another small little chuckle. 

“And, considering your ‘the universe doesn’t care’ mantra, I’m gonna go ahead and guess you don’t agree we’d have always ended up here?” Kaito guessed, giving his small husband a smirk. “Go ahead, beautiful, let’s hear it.”

Kokichi chuckled, giving Kaito an amused glance. “I dunno; I kinda like the idea that our paths were meant to cross. And, in a way, they were. No matter what might’ve happened...well, that’s not totally true.” He snorted at himself, resigned to filling out the prophecy Kaito’d said. 

“If either of us had run away at any point, there’s a really low chance we would’ve met. I don’t know about you, but my plan was to find D.I.C.E. and...even then, it was just a dream. No way they’d want someone like me. If I ever managed to muster up the courage to travel, I probably would’ve gotten myself killed on the road, long before I’d ever decide to head to the Luminous capital.”

“But...barring that?” Kokichi snuggled into Kaito’s chest a little more, breathing in that sweet, woody scent. He hadn’t been able to get himself to use Kaito’s body wash even when he’d missed him so much it hurt--he had a feeling it’d hurt more, being able to smell the scent he preferred, but not Kaito’s scent. “We’re directly involved with leading families. We would’ve met eventually. And maybe even without a war, my dad would’ve asked your parents for your hand just to make things easier with Luminary in general. I haven’t heard anything about Queen Junko having any kids, so...without looking off-continent, I think the only other person Aiichi would’ve asked to strengthen international bonds would be the princess of Novoselic. ...she’s your cousin too, right?”

Realizing he’d gotten off topic a little, Kokichi shook his head. “But. Anyway. I dunno. There are so many factors that could’ve led here or somewhere else completely. Your parents saying no to the arrangement...your dad refusing the peace talks...the admins not even attempting to start the peace talks...maybe even the war not even happening. But...things did happen the way they did, so I guess there’s not too much point theorizing the chain of consequences to every decision.”

“And I’m very happy with where we ended up,” Kokichi purred up at Kaito, laying a chaste kiss against his lips. 

Kaito didn’t really think there was any way possible that they could have successfully run from the marriage. Even if they had gotten far, someone would have caught up with them to drag them back. At the very least Kaito knew he wouldn’t have been allowed to run, and, honestly, for all of Aiichi’s kindness and gentleness, he had a feeling refusing to end a near two decade long war would have tested that patience as well.

He didn’t really think not getting married had ever been an option for either of them.

“Princess Sonia? She is, though I’ve only met her a handful of times. She’s nice enough, enthusiastic about horror stories. I know sexually you two aren’t compatible, but as far as lifetime roommates go, I don’t think you’d have been miserable with her.” Kaito pondered aloud, trying to imagine Kokichi and Sonia together. He imagined it’d have ended up with a lot of mischief.

All thoughts of Kokichi and Sonia’s imaginary lives together were banished when he smiled against the kiss though, kissing him back a little. Nothing pushy. Nothing with any real power or force behind it. Just a small gentle kiss as Kaito admired his husband. “Yeah...I’m glad you’re happy, Kokichi. Things will be...things will be better from now on, okay? I promise. No more…” Kaito’s smile fell, his face looking more strained as he said, “...no more mistakes.”

Just like he had been with Luminary, Kokichi knew almost nothing about Novoselic. Just that their goods were considered even more of a specialty since Dicea traded with them by sea, rather than routes through Luminary. Maybe it’d be a nice place to visit someday too. He wouldn’t want to impose on the leading family, but maybe it’d be nice for Kaito to visit his cousin too. 

As murky as the near future looked when it came to travel, Kokichi knew he wasn’t going to let himself hole up in the city forever. He just...wanted to wait for the trials to finish, and then...maybe if it wasn’t too difficult to travel, they could go somewhere nearby. But after that...traveling with an infant was always really dangerous. 

Kokichi looked back up, having drifted away a bit, thinking of the logistics of travel with everything going on in their lives, and… His expression softened. Kokichi brought a hand up to cup Kaito’s jaw, a slurry of all sorts of complicated emotions in his eyes. “...thank you. No one can predict the future but...just wanting things to be better means a lot. It means that I’m right to put faith in you.”

“...I can only hope to be better about the faith you put in me,” Kokichi sighed. “But...I think if we work together...communicate...we’ll be okay. If you don’t like where you are, then change it.”

He left that a moment of silence between them before attempting to give Kaito a grin. “...so...that heartbeat is just...incredible, right? Listening to Shuu-chan’s baby?”

At this, Kaito’s face lit up.

“Yeah!” he said, ever syllable filled with sincere passion. For Kaito, hearing that heartbeat was the best thing that’s happened in...in a long time, honestly! Just as excited, (and forgiving his own self imposed limits for a moment) Kaito grasped Kokichi and rolled over, squeezing him to his chest as he said, excited and delighted, “Our baby, ‘Kichi! Our baby’s alive! Can you believe that!? How insane is that!? Oh, fuck, I gotta go get the stethescope from Tim. I definitely wanna hear it again.” Kaito said, chuckling to himself in delight as he squeezed Kokichi again, his stomach warm from this thought.

His baby! His baby! Kaito was having a baby! A brand new little Momota! And a little Saihara, and a little Ouma, even if that ended up only being in name. 

And, hell, if it became obvious the baby was only a Momota in name? Good! Great! Kaito couldn’t wait to raise the mixture of his two loves into adulthood. He was going to do this right! He was going to learn everything he could! He was going to dedicate himself to this! Being a dad to Timothy and the brand new baby! Kaito might have no idea what the fuck was happening in his life, and, yeaaaaaah, was kinda going through what seemed like a...kinda perpetual low point? And he had no idea what the fuck even being a good person actually meant anymore...but keeping children happy and safe and teaching them how to be adults? Little lifelong sidekicks! He could do that! He wanted to do that! 

He was so fucking excited!!

At that note, there was a small knock at the door, Shuuichi opened it as he said, “Hey. Me.”

Loosening his grip on Kokichi, Kaito grinned at their approaching lover, Shuuichi looking tired but otherwise okay. “Hey, you!”

Kokichi giggled as Kaito scooped him up, getting caught up in Kaito’s enthusiasm. It was easy to do when he was over the moon about it too. It might not have happened in a way any of them had been expecting...or had...really wanted it too, but if Shuuichi had decided to have the baby, then Kokichi was determined and, honestly, pumped to have a kid. To be a dad, right there alongside little baby Saihara’s other two dads. 

He knew it wasn’t that easy but...he wanted their kid to have a happier childhood than...well, all of them. With the personhood Shuuichi had been denied, with the freedom Kokichi hadn’t gotten until recently, with the security in others Kaito had constantly been let down by. Safe and free to grow up happily. 

Kokichi supposed that’s what every parent wanted for their child, but...he really wanted to get it right. 

Looking over as Shuuichi entered their room, Kokichi took advantage of his free arms to make grabby hands at Shuuichi. “Shuu-chan! Since you’re last and I was first, I think it’s only fair that Kai-chan gets the middle tonight. If you have any objections, bring them up now or forever hold your piece!”

Kaito chuckled at this, giving Kokichi an amused look “Oh, is that how we decide these things? You just don’t want to be crushed between two giants tonight, shorty, admit it. Hey, Shuuichi. Take over cuddling duty, I gotta get out of these clothes.”

Shuuichi hesitated for a second (he was getting better about it every time, but there was always a second of apprehension) before he took his hat off, placing it on the drawer next to the door, running a hand through his hair with a small sigh before smiling slightly at the two of them. “Alright, to both requests. Kaito’s pretty comfy to curl against, so I’m into it. Come here, Kokichi.” Shuuichi said, sitting down on the bed and taking Kokichi from Kaito, who picked Kokichi up and deposited him into Shuuichi’s lap, giving the ex-detective a small kiss before saying coyly, “Be back soon handsome.”

“Hmmm.” Shuuichi hummed as Kaito went in for another kiss, surprised to realize he had missed that. He hadn’t thought much about physical stuff, in regards to Kaito, in the last two weeks, more generally concerned with, well...everything else. But as Kaito leaned in for another kiss, Shuuichi felt something inside of him relax that he hadn’t realized was tensed, though that didn’t stop him from giving Kaito a dry look as he said, “Didn’t you say you were going to go change?”

Kaito laughed at this, straightening up as he said, “Well, I’m getting out of these clothes anyway. Be right back.” he said, heading to the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

As Kaito left, Shuuichi watched the door for a second before looking down at Kokichi. “...you alright?” he asked quietly.

“Mm, maybe not tonight, but I’ll gladly take it some other nights--just have to be in the right mood, you know?” Really, if Kokichi had made the rule that the person who got to their room first got to pick the sleeping order, he would’ve loved being surrounded by his lovers. To indulge in the weird twist he’d gotten used to with Shuuichi, and being reunited with the warm curl of Kaito’s body around him. 

But, maybe in just a different form of selfishness, he wanted both him and Shuuichi to get to enjoy cuddling up to Kaito, as well as for Kaito to be welcomed back in even unconsciousness. Maybe he was placing too much into their sleeping positions, which inevitably shifted around as they moved in their sleep, but...it was still something that felt nice to do. 

Kokichi didn’t mind being passed over to Shuuichi, immediately looping his arms around his waist and nuzzling his shoulder--he’d gotten even more careful not to accidentally press against his chest--pressing his own kiss to Shuuichi’s cheek once Kaito had made room. 

And...while the question wasn’t wholly unexpected…

“Yeah...I am.” Kokichi closed his eyes, giving Shuuichi a gentle squeeze. “I’m a lot better, actually. I know it’s not like nothing happened, but...Kai-chan’s so much more like himself again. And I really missed him…” 

Letting out a careful breath, it all hit Kokichi hard. Lying around in bed, snuggling and chatting… He’d missed it so much, and to get that back…

Kokichi opened his eyes and grinned up at Shuuichi. “And now it’s even better with you here too.”

Shuuichi was...maybe a little more tense than Kokichi was.

Probably just because he knew what recovering from the spores was like. There was a mental backwash that didn’t clear up, just because the spores weren’t wrecking you anymore. A part of your brain that kept repeating all the things that you had sincerely, deeply believed while you were crazy. Maybe with enough time it would disappear entirely, but if Kaito was anything like Shuuichi...he was probably still struggling deciphering what was his own thoughts and what were merely habits left behind in the aftermath of the illness.

It was getting...better. But Shuuichi still had a hard time not thinking of himself as some type of whore. As something that belonged to someone.  He wouldn’t be surprised if Kaito wasn’t wrestling with something similar

But….if Kaito wasn’t taking that out on them? On Kokichi, or Maki or Tim? Then that was okay. They’d get through it. 

Shuuichi, over the last week, had gotten more used to offering Kokichi little touches and kisses that the purple-eyed man seemed to crave, though he was far less demanding about them than Kaito was. So Shuuichi pulled him close and gently kissed against his cheek and said, “Okay. You can tell me if that feeling changes. As much as I think telling him he was making you uncomfortable would hurt him, I think he’d feel worse to find out someday you were holding back. And I’ll back you up, if you’re ever afraid. There’s nothing wrong with needing time. Okay?”

Kokichi gave Shuuichi a soft, adoring look at the kiss though he nodded, taking his boyfriend’s words seriously. “Okay. Thanks, Shuu-chan. I’m...trying to be better about communication. Even if it’s something small that I don’t think matters much, or that I can just deal with it...I’ll try to tell you guys. If nothing else...I think just acknowledging each other’s feelings, even if we don’t do anything about it, will help.”

Kaito wasn’t a mind reader and...from what he’d said, he’d never had a relationship like the one he had with Kokichi. There were some things Kaito knew better than, but...just be open and honest. With everyone working together, they’d be okay. 

Kokichi didn’t mind a bit of rougher treatment, didn’t mind that much when Kaito picked him up or held him down. But...maybe there would be times he would, and it was important to speak up. Maybe he’d wake up from having trouble breathing, and his mind would freak out. Maybe Kaito would touch a little too much around his neck and Kokichi would have to push him away. And...it’d hurt both of them, but moving forward from that hurt was important. 

Nuzzling Shuuichi a little more, Kokichi hummed. “I kinda forgot when we all went clothes shopping together--have you been okay, temperature-wise, at night? With Kai-chan back, it’ll be warmer, but we might have to do a round two soon.”

And...maybe something with a particularly stretchy waistband, if Shuuichi really was going to get big quickly.

Shuuichi nodded, “I’ve been alright. Honestly, with the medicine, I’m always pretty out pretty quickly. I don’t think I’d have time to notice I feel cold.” Shuuichi admitted, kissing Kokichi again as he said, “Speaking of which, I should go take it now. Oh, and...Maki wants to have a kind of group meeting? She’s thinking of easing the restrictions on me, and wants to talk to you and Kaito about it, basically. She asked me about it first, and...I don’t know. I feel better, and I don’t think about running off anymore to get pollen, but I also just never really have the opportunity to and...I don’t know if that’s causation or correlation, ya know?”

Kokichi perked up in curiosity before his face brightened in excitement. “Really?! Oh, Shuu-chan, that’s awesome!” Giggling in glee, Kokichi sat up a little, pressing a few kisses along Shuuichi’s neck before snorting, taking a look at the bathroom door. 

“I mean, it’s not anything any of us haven’t seen, but maybe we should let Kai-chan know before he’s dedicated himself to just wearing briefs for the rest of the night.” He wiggled off of Shuuichi’s lap, going over to knock on the door. “You catch that, hun?”

If Maki was thinking of letting up...honestly, he really was so happy for Shuuichi. He knew rehab wouldn’t be over so soon, but...even just letting up on some little things could make a world of difference. Just having their hallway on a more frequent patrol path rather than having someone watching at all times...Shuuichi being able to be in rooms without one of them around...there wasn’t any worry about the stickers anymore, so that was kind of a moot point. 

Looking back over his shoulder, Kokichi gave his boyfriend another adoring look, extremely pleased with what this meant.

Kaito, who was already in briefs and was just brushing his teeth, looked over his shoulder at the knock on the door and said, entirely confused, toothbrush still in his mouth, “What’s that, ‘Kichi?”

Shuuichi, in turn, got up and headed to the closet, having gotten into the habit of just changing in there into his PJ’s at night and taking his medicine at the same time, which was sat on top of a small dresser pressed to the back of the closet. Closing the door, he knew, especially with Kaito around now, that this was only a temporary solution. Kokichi might be willing to let him get away with this indefinitely, but Kaito hated Shuuichi’s fear of his body, and would likely be getting back to trying to pressure him past it.

...Shuuichi knew it wasn’t healthy to just resign himself to hating his chest for the rest of his life. Especially with how sick catching signs of his breasts always made him feel. It wasn’t...healthy, this repulsion at himself. But...it was still there, regardless of how unhealthy he knew it was. He wished it didn’t bother him as much as it did...but it did.

He didn’t really know what the way forward was. Surgery or acceptance or denial forever and ever, the end...but he strongly suspected one of those options absolutely wasn’t going to work in the long run.

“Maki-chan wanted to have a meeting about letting up on Shuu-chan’s restrictions. Do you want me to get you pants?” Tim was likely already put to bed, and Kaito was wearing underwear--he assumed, anyway. Kaito hadn’t been in the habit of sleeping completely nude, and Kokichi had no reason to assume it’d changed now--but for anyone who might be walking past the end of the hall, they could muster at least a little decorum. 

Maybe for Maki’s sake too, though Kokichi had a feeling she wouldn’t really care.

“We’re gonna go talk to Maki?” Kaito asked, spitting into the sink and cleaning his brush as he called back, “Okay, yeah! Pants please! Shuuichi, are you coming too?”

Shuuichi, who had been listening to all this through the closed door, walked out of the closet in his PJ’s and passed a pair of pants he had collected for Kaito to Kokichi as he said, “Maki asked me not too. I got the impression she thought it’d be easier to talk about me without me there giving you all sad eyes. It’s fine, just...tell me what you all decided tomorrow. I’ll probably be out by the time you get back, if not at least a little loopy.”

As Kaito came out, taking the pants from Kokichi with a grin, he put them on and cast Shuuichi a concerned look. “...we’re just leaving you in here alone?”

Shuuichi shrugged, looking tired at that, “Not really. I guess you might not have noticed, but at ten there’s always a guard posted outside in the hall these days. They’ll be there till eight...so, ya know. Not going anywhere, Kaito.”

Kaiot frowned, feeling a rush of shame at the disappointment his question had caused as he went over to the blue-haired man, putting his arms around his waist and pulling him into a hug as he said, “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that. I trust you, okay? And Maki trusts you too, if she’s talking about lifting restrictions. We’re on the other end of this hill, okay?”

“Sure.” Shuuichi muttered, giving Kaito a dry look as the prince leaned down and kissed him, again, surprised a bit at himself for the genuine feeling of comfort that brought him...before sighing, “well, hurry up then. Maki’s probably waiting.”

Kokichi gave Shuuichi a bit of a surprised look. Shuuichi wasn’t...going to be deciding on his freedoms too? This whole thing was...giving Shuuichi some of his agency back. Surely he’d want to participate too. 

Sighing softly, Kokichi went up to his loves and took one of Shuuichi’s hands, giving it a squeeze. “...alright. But when we tell you what’s going on, if you have any other ideas or wishes, we’ll all talk together again, okay? I know things suck and we can’t just, like...give you no supervision ever, but Shuu-chan’s been doing really well. I trust you to tell us if you feel yourself slipping.”

Giving Shuuichi’s hand a kiss, Kokichi held his out for Kaito to take. “Okay, let’s not keep Maki-chan up.”

As Kaito and Kokichi headed out the door, Kaito was still mildly surprised to see that, yes, there was an actual guard in the hallways now, despite having just been told by Shuuichi that was the case. It was a man Kaito wasn’t familiar with, who looked alert, but at the same time deeply, profoundly bored...and shot Kaito a wary look before saying to Kokichi, “Evening, Prince Kokichi. Everything alright?”

Kokichi shot the man a grin, purposefully standing just-so so that his hand clasped with Kaito’s was fully visible to the guard. “Evening! Yeah, everything’s fine--we just needed to talk with Maki-chan for a sec. You know that thing where suddenly you remember everything you needed to do in a day right before you go to bed? This one’s little, at least, so we can knock it out. Have a good night!”

Kokichi had knocked on Maki’s door in the middle of his conversation, just...keeping things playful and casual, but also trying to get them moving along...more for what he hoped was Kaito’s comfort. 

...he knew there were people, even just in the castle, who didn’t care that Kaito had been drugged, okay? The kind of people who had been suspicious of Kaito all along and pointed out every little mistake his husband had made. And...he knew not all of those mistakes were things you could just easily forgive. But...even with this set-back, he was always going to try and bolster Kaito’s reputation, help him win the hearts of the Dicean people. Because he knew for a fact, if people opened up to him, then they’d love Kaito. Love his enthusiasm and care and the way he’d put all of himself into whatever he needed to do, just as Kokichi loved those qualities. 

...it was just going to be a long road to go.

Kaito, in turn, was just quiet and followed Kokichi’s lead.

To the guard’s credit, his wariness didn’t bleed into aggression or paranoia. If Kokichi said he was okay, then the guard didn’t feel any need to doubt that, and just nodded at the small heir apparent’s explanation, relaxing a little as he said, “Alright then. Be sure to let me know if you need anything. Names Jonah.” He added in as an afterthought, before his face relaxed into its original bored, neutral expression.

Kaito immediately felt a little better when Maki opened the door, despite the guard’s casual nature in regards to him. He didn’t really know what to expect from literally anyone he talked to right now, and had decided on general, quiet caution until he had a better idea of how certain people were going to react to him.

Maki glanced out at the hallway, confirming a guard had shown up tonight, before letting them both in. “Hey. Thanks for coming. I’m assuming Shuuichi gave you a heads up on what this is about?”

Kaito grinned, still just blown away by Maki’s new look. It was crazy to see her like this. She looked...grown up. Mature. A sense of irritation radiating off her coming from more than just her tense expression, which….actually seemed less tense now? 

Maybe Kaito was looking for a positive that wasn’t there, but he couldn’t help but get the sense that maybe...because she looked more naturally dangerous now, she didn’t have to work so hard to portray it. And maybe that was allowing her to relax a little more? 

Again. Maybe he was searching for something that wasn’t there. But...it’d be nice to believe she was happier with whatever this was.

“Shuuichi’s freedom!” Kaito crowed, closing the door behind them as he walked in, letting go of Kokichi’s hand as he trotted over to the bed, hopping onto it as he grinned wide and said, “So, we’re looking to relax the leash?”

Maki winced at that. “Could we not refer to it like that...yes, I want to lift some of the restrictions on him. I think...we may be getting to a point in his rehabilitation where restricting all of his movements twenty-four seven might do more long term damage than good.” Maki sighed, scratching her neck a little. 

Kokichi nodded hopefully. “He’s been doing really well. As much as I’d like to, I’m not gonna suggest that he can just do whatever the hell he wants, but...I think we can trust Shuu-chan at this point to tell us if he’s getting cravings or is unusually pissy or whatever.”

Glancing back to the door, Kokichi followed Kaito over to Maki’s bed but just leaned against it, lacing his fingers together and letting them drop against his front. “Maybe we could just have this hallway on a more frequent night route than the normal night route? Probably not tonight since Jonah’s already here and looks like he’s settling in, but...it’s something to consider now, I think.”

“And...I’m grateful to Nadya-chan for keeping an eye on Shuu-chan while one of us can’t be in the office for whatever reason, but she’s mentioned to me that all they really do is work. Or, like, chat a little, but what we do in the office anyway,” he shrugged. “Maybe as long as he doesn’t leave the castle on his own, we don’t need to have someone watching him? One of us is prolly gonna be around anyway, just ‘cause we’re working together or hanging out or whatever, but...like, it’s not gonna be a scramble to make sure someone has eyes on him if we need to take a bathroom break.”

Smiling a little, Kokichi looked to Kaito and Maki. “Those are just the two things that came to mind since Shuu-chan told us about this. What were you thinking, Maki-chan?”

“That’s...probably the safer option, honestly. Allowing him to stay in rooms by himself, giving him full access to the castle...that’s probably better than what I was thinking, honestly.” Maki said, giving Kokichi a somewhat notably self-conscious look. “But, let me run an idea to you two, see if there’s anything to it before we move on…”

Maki thought of her conversation with Shuuichi earlier, and observed, “When I spoke to Shuuichi, he told me that he hadn’t had the impulse to run in a while...but he seemed nervous at the idea of being given full autonomy back. Which...could be a problem by itself. Not of his ability to control himself, just...that maybe he’s getting too used to this.” Maki said, guilt shifting slightly inside of herself as she continued, “I want our restrictions to help Shuuichi, not...mentally or emotionally cripple him…”

Kaito snorted, a thought running through his head that he chose not to comment on. 

“...so, at the risk of sounding idiotic...what if…” Maki was clearly struggling with herself, looking to Kokichi, “we told him he was getting all of his restrictions taken off, and we just...secretly had him watched for a few weeks? So that he thinks he has his freedoms and can adjust to that before he actually has them?”

Kaito laughed some more, the sound incredulous, before he laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “Fucking hell…” Kaito chuckled. 

Kokichi frowned a bit but...he respected Maki, so he thought about her plan seriously for a moment. And...yeah, got stuck at the same place. “Your intentions are in the right place, but...I think doing something like that would just hurt Shuu-chan more.”

“For one, I don’t think he’d believe it,” Kokichi sighed. “After how careful we’ve tried to be, after all the restrictions we put in place in the first place? To just let him have all his freedoms back without any sort of transitionary period...he’d know something was up. And, because he’s our genius Shuu-chan, I think he’d notice anyone trying to follow him.”

Kokichi sent a worried glance to Kaito before continuing. “So...he’d know we’d just lied to him, in that scenario. I think...he’d take it as us not trusting him, and that even if he’s alright and we stop the tailing, he’ll still think that someone’s watching, or that there’s some other precaution we set up that he hasn’t seen yet.”

“...this got so bad, because of the effects of the pollen, yeah, but… We all need to be able to trust each other. Sometimes that means literally saying exactly what your hopes and intentions are, sometimes it means being able to know without a doubt that whatever someone’s not saying is because they’re really doing what’s best. But you can’t get that second part without a record of good-will.”

Kokichi’s mouth pulled to the side, messing with his sleeves idly before he looked over at Kaito. “...what do you think, Kai-chan?”

“Mmmmm, so our options are…” Kaito grinned lazily, getting up onto his elbows and looking over at Maki with a fond, exasperated look, “trying to tail and lie to a guy whose been trained his whole life to notice when people are tailing and lying to him, or~”

Ignoring Maki’s pout, he looked over at Kokichi, “Be totally, one hundred percent honest with him and hope he does the same? Ahhhh...gotta love it...though, really, I’m just teasing.” Kaito laughed, sitting up, an air of warm calm to him as he said, “Sorry, Maki, I’m with Kokichi on this one. And, come on, you knew that was a bad idea before you said it. ‘At the risk of sounding idiotic’? You don’t say things like that when you’re feeling confident, Maki-Roll.” Kaito teased.

“Shut up, Kaito.” Maki pouted, crossing her arms, cheeks blowing out slightly in her embarrassed frustration as she said, “Yes, okay...I just want to have my cake and eat it too. I don’t...want Shuuichi to…” Maki grew a little more frustrated, dropping her arms and walking around in a small circle as she tried to collect her thoughts, “...what if we’ve gone overboard with all this? I don’t want to...punish our friend over something he barely had any control over! And, now I’m all in my head over whether or not Shuuichi actually needs all these restrictions, or if I’m just...taking something out on him or something! Am I crazy? Does he need his movements watched at all times!? Or am I just being a bitch!?”

Kaito tilted his head a little, looking at Maki with a bit of renewed concern as he said, “Woah, Maki-roll...hey now, calm down. You’re not being a bitch. Me and Kokichi and everyone else have been in agreement to these restrictions the whole time. Why do you think you’re in the wrong right now?”

“I don’t know! The staff agreed with the king all these years, and look what happened to Kokichi!” Maki said, her voice getting increasingly nervous as she said, “What if that’s what I’m doing to Shuuichi!? I...sorry, sorry, Kokichi, I don’t mean to use you as an example. I know this isn’t the same thing, I just...I had my motives questioned this morning and...the thoughts literally never occurred to me that I could be...hurting you all with all this...”

Kokichi took a step forward, unused to hearing Maki second-guess herself like this, but he refrained from coming closer when she started pacing. It was...a difficult situation. There wasn’t a tried and true perfect answer, and while her methods may have seemed extreme at times...like he’d said, Kokichi knew that Maki just wanted them all to be safe. And...they were. Even faced with something so absurd like the spores, they were all still alive and recovering. That counted for a lot. 

So...he did understand her--or at least he was close--but Kokichi still did flinch for a moment as she brought up the case study of...his entire fucking life. 

Crossing his arms around himself, Kokichi looked away for a moment. ...she didn’t mean it that way. She was including him in this conversation, so… He took a breath before straightening. 

“...trust is really hard to give to someone else. Once it’s given, that person has all the opportunity in the world to hurt you or let you down. But...if you never give it, then no one has the opportunity to prove themself and earn it and...other people will be less likely to trust you in return.”

Kokichi sighed deeply, taking a few steps back to the bed and sat himself on the edge this time. “...Shuu-chan has an addiction and is suicidal. Extreme measures were needed. We can debate individual actions and restrictions, but...when he was left alone? With no restrictions? He snuck out of the med ward, escaping notice from people who were looking after him, harassed someone who had little to nothing to do with any of this, got kidnapped, fell out of a window, tried to drown himself, tried to chew up his fingers and arms…”

It was hard enough just listing those things out, let alone knowing that they were real. Kokichi paused with a grimace before swallowing to continue. “He needed people around to...stop him from doing that. From destroying himself. The fact that he’s still here means that, at least in that regard, all Maki-chan’s ideas worked.”

“But...I really don’t think he’s in danger of that anymore,” he softly pleaded, looking between his friends. “So...he doesn’t need that same degree of support. And if he does, I want to trust that he’ll speak up.”

“...maybe some of the stuff that you did will be painful memories. And, while Maki-chan’s only wanted to help her friends, intent doesn’t overrule outcome. But you care, and Shuu-chan cares, and Kai-chan and I care, so we can work past it. Your mistakes don’t define you--how you try to make things better does.”

Maki listened tensely to Kokichi’s list of troubles that Shuuichi had gotten into, while Kaito just sighed, looking more and more tired as he went on. Man, Kaito thought to himself. None of that had been that long ago...it was like a year had come and gone in the last two months. Exhausting.

And Maki just remembered...Shuuichi looking overwhelmed and outraged and frightened  and aroused as Nao promised to give him to a horse...Maki just standing there, angry and not knowing what else to do...so fucking helpless to make any of it better…

Maki felt her eyes start to burn a little, and looked away, scowling as she said softly, “I just don’t want to star in all of his nightmares from now on.”

“Like Kokichi said, Maki...can’t help the painful stuff that’s already happened. And everything we did? It wasn’t perfect, but...we had to do something. Doing nothing would have let him destroy himself...come on, you two, cheer up!” Kaito said, grinning at the both of them, ignoring his own exhaustion as he said, “Think about it! The fact that we’re even having these doubts? That’s a sign things are getting better! We didn’t have any doubts when Shuuichi was in the middle of trying to fuck someone or kill himself every other hour! Because it was obvious he needed help! The fact that even Maki of all people is having doubts? Means he’s fucking improved like crazy! That’s great!”

Kaito sighed, grinning gently as he assured them. “We’re on the downward slope. The other side of this fucking awful, awful hill we’ve been on so long. And...we don’t want to fuck up on the last leg of this thing. So...Maki?” Kaito said, giving his ex-assassin a gentle look. “Thank you so, so much for taking on the burden this long...I’m sorry I left so much of it in your hands. I know taking this over at the easier part is kind of shitty of me, but if you’re starting to feel guilty, then I’m taking this over from now on, okay? I’ll be deciding Shuuichi’s restrictions from now on. Okay? With your advice, of course...but it’s not on you anymore. Take a break.”

Maki gave Kaito a hard look at that, partly triggered by the ‘take a break’ line. Reminded that the last time he had said something like that, he had been also out of his mind, and with that thought said, “Kaito, you’re barely to be trusted right now. You just got out of the med ward today. I’m not leaving the rest of Shuuichi’s recovery in your hands.”

“Oh...right…” Kaito laughed, actually looking a little sheepish as he said, “That’s a point, honestly. I guess I’m still in recovery too...okay.” 

Kaito looked over at Kokichi. “Babe. As someone who's been in Shuuichi’s shoes, you want to take lead from this point out? Maki’s getting overwhelmed-”

“I am not overwhelme-”

“-and I may still be crazy. Jury is still out.” Kaito continued on good-naturedly, ignoring Maki’s frustration. “Someone still needs to be the final say in how we handle Shuuichi. It’s still something we should all discuss from this point forward, but...we do leave a lot of the decisions in Maki’s hands, and I think she just cut off all her hair in stress.”

“I didn’t cut off all my hair due to stress!”

“I, personally, would recommend we give Shuuichi freedom within the castle, but ask the gate guards to report to one of us every time he tries to leave, and ask them not to let him out.” Kaito said, looking tired as he said, “He’s safe in the castle, right? There’s no pollen here, and most people here have some idea that he’s not...all there, right now. But we give him freedom within the confines of the castle to do whatever he wants, and if he handles it well, then a few weeks from now he gets all his privileges back.”

“What if he disappears on us for hours on end? What if we can’t find him?” Maki pointed out, looking stressed at the idea.

Kaito shrugged. “What if he does? That’s the ‘trust’ part, right?”

Kokichi’s gaze softened even more at Maki’s admittance, maybe...understanding Nao a little more now. Maki was strong. Maybe one of the strongest people he had ever known, period. But...like she’s said, she wasn’t made of stone. She wasn’t heartless. She cared so deeply for Shuuichi and Kaito, cared so much for all of her siblings back in Luminary and the ones who had escaped. She cared to the point of being willing to hurt them for their own safety, as much as that concept made him want to vomit. 

But there was only so much she could take. She wanted all the people she cared about alive and safe but...being their villain? Forever? It was a toll she shouldn’t have to pay.

While she’d still star in some of Shuuichi’s nightmares...she wasn’t the only one and maybe that would make things easier going forward. 

As Kokichi processed this resigned understanding, he was broken from his thoughts, Kaito doing what he did best but… Him? Him?! Being the final decision on Shuu-chan’s restrictions?

It wasn’t so much that he couldn’t handle the responsibility but… Maki and Kaito were trusting him with this?

Flushing lightly, Kokichi bit on his lip, looking between his friends, shocked and honored that Kaito would even suggest it. “I-I mean...if you guys are okay with that…”

Kokichi took a breath, trying to pull himself together. “Okay. That all...that’s all good, but Maki-chan does have a point. We need to trust Shuu-chan if he needs some time to himself, but I think… We should ask him to check in with one of us at least once per day. To make sure he’s alright, eating, in a good place mentally, all that. And...I think generally, he should only leave the castle with one of us, but if he needs to see Seiko right away? I think he should be able to be escorted by, like, one of the guardforce if he can’t find us easily. Does that sound alright, combined with what Kai-chan just said?”

Both Maki and Kaito relaxed a little, the two falling into something that was comforting to them for a lot of reasons that Kokichi probably wouldn’t understand even if they told him all about it: just easing into the familiar, comforting feeling of having a leader again. Maki was a natural born leader who had been strictly trained to ignore that side of herself, and Kaito was a natural-born follower whose every brush with leadership had burned him badly. It was...nice, to let someone else take lead.

So Maki felt herself calm, thinking about Kokichi’s idea, offering, “I’ll talk to Lake and see if she can’t arrange or do an all-hands meeting for the guards to discuss safety measures for Shuuichi. Between his addiction and his pregnancy, one could lead to complications with the other, and keeping the guardforce informed of warning signs to look for and how to react when something goes wrong could be immensely useful, up to and including making certain they know to bring him to Seiko if anything is really wrong.”

“And, it might help if they know what panic attacks look like. God knows those things can be terrifying if you don’t know what they are.” Kaito sighed. “Do we have that privilege? Enlisting the guardforce to learn safety measures for the benefit of a single person?”

“The guardforce are meant to protect every Dicean. That’s what Lake keeps telling me. Shuuichi counts for that...besides, all we’re asking them to do is keep an eye out for him, keep him in the castle until further notice, and to give them permissions to take him to Seiko if Shuuichi asks, or needs, to go.”

“And to recognize what a panic attack looks like and how to handle them.” Kaito added.

Maki nodded at that. “Right. So, have him check in with one of us, say...assuming he’s still working in the mornings? And I want him to still go to training in the morning. So, in theory, he’ll only have a chance to disappear on us in the afternoon. So, six in the afternoon? Checks in, let’s say, Kaito, since you’ll be the one most likely not doing anything else that time every day.”

Kaito sighed, though it sounded amused as he said, “Look, just cause some of us don’t have jobs...nah, I can’t even continue that with a straight face. Sure, he can report to me at six every day. But otherwise, he can do whatever he wants for the rest of the day? Even skip work if he wants to?”

“Not exactly. We need to ensure he never skips his medicine, which he takes at ten every day, so...I don’t know if he wants a room of his own yet. But I’d feel better if he stayed with you two at night.”

“So...he can skip work in the morning if he wants to, but has a check in at six and ten o’clock curfew then?” Kaito said, “And trains in the morning with me. So, technically he’s also got a seven in the morning check in too, if I don’t allow him to ever skip training. Does that sound good Kokichi?”

Kokichi nodded a bit to the suggestion of having the guardforce learn to recognize Shuuichi’s panic attacks. And...learning it through the force might be easier than either of his friends realized. “Actually, the force is trained to spot when someone is panicked or not in their right mind. There are various guidelines for helping the person calm down, but just letting them know what the signs look like in Shuu-chan and what helps him specifically would likely be super easy for everyone to keep an eye out for.”

Everything else sounded alright...though… Kokichi hummed, tapping his lips. “This is more just a semantic, but… Maybe we could phrase the six o’clock check-in as more of a...hey, it’s dinner time, and it’s cool if you don’t wanna eat with us, but please let us know, kind of thing?”

“And, uh,” Kokichi flashed a bashful grin. “I’d like it if he stayed with us at night too, but if he wants his own room? Then, yeah, just let him know that we wanna touch base to make sure he’s taking his meds. Shuu-chan already took his tonight so he’s prolly gonna be asleep when Kai-chan and I head back, so we can tell him tomorrow, but… Yeah?”

Kaito grinned. “There we go! See, we got there guys! Just one minor meltdown later and we’re back to getting it all planned out.”

Maki huffed, rolling her eyes as she muttered, “It wasn’t a meltdown…”

“Kokichi...maybe this is just a conversation between us, but...if we’re going to give Shuchi the option of getting his own room again soon, should we offer him to live permanently with us if he wants to? I mean, all of his stuff is just packed into Maki’s room right now.”

“Not that he has a lot in the first place.” Maki pointed out, with a shrug.

“And that’s working for right now, but...I mean, are you and I in a place, mentally, where we can handle having a third person living with us in our room, if he wants to? I mean…” Kaito paused, considering his own question, before saying, “I think I am...I like having Shuuichi around. And if he decides to get his own room, I get the feeling he’s not going back to his old room-”

“No. He’s not.” Maki said simply. A hollow look in her gaze.

“-which means he’s not going to be down this hall anymore and...I’d personally feel better knowing he was safe and close by at night…”

Kokichi smiled a bit, reaching out to put a hand on Kaito’s shoulder. “I mean, I’ve been sleeping with Shuu-chan for...a little over a week now? Since we got the office, I haven’t really been spending much time in our room other than sleeping and...it’s been totally fine. I like spending time with him, and, I mean...our room’s big,” he chuckled. “I don’t feel anywhere close like we’re bumping elbows too much.”

“It might be worth setting up his own space somewhere anyway, just so he has the option to decompress alone but...I’d really like it if he chose to move into our room, mainly.” Kokichi flushed a little again, but smiled back at his husband. Just like with wanting to propose to Shuuichi...maybe this was moving fast. But it was something he wanted, and worth trying out. Less commitment than marriage anyway. 

“So! Let him know the new check-ins, ask if he wants to move in! Likely tomorrow since Shuu-chan’s probably beaten us all to dreamland. Anything else?”

“...yes. Kaito?” Maki said, looking over at him. “...I’m going to need to spar you soon. Would tomorrow be alright? Afternoon?”

The grin on Kaito’s face faded a little, and compulsively, he started wringing at his hands, cracking the joints in his hands. He...he wanted to say no. He wanted to say no, no, no fucking way, Maki, please he couldn’t handle that right now…

“...yeah, of course Maki.” he said, grin widening. “Sure! Um...do we need privacy? We could maybe find a secluded place around one of the back towers somewhere?”

“I’d appreciate it, yeah. Thanks.” Maki sighed, something tense in her lessening. Seiko was right, she still had some...feelings about everything Kaito had done. And she needed to hash it out with him. “That’s it from me. Shuuichi has a plan, and me and Kaito are going to spar tomorrow. Kaito?”

“Hmmm?” Kaito hummed, distracted now.

“Did you have anything else you want to bring up?” Maki asked.

“Mmmm…” Kaito grinned, “Nah! Or, nothing that needs to be worked out tonight. I probably need to find out how my whole anger management stuff is being worked out now but...I’m tired. I’ll ask whoever I end up needing to ask about that tomorrow.”

Standing up, Kaito offered Kokichi his hand, grinning down at him, “Let’s go, babe! Shuuichi’s probably getting cold without us!”

Kokichi let out a little nervous laugh. “I know you guys know your limits and this is how you have, like, heart-to-hearts, but Kai-chan just got out of medical today. I think we’d all appreciate it if he didn’t have to go back so soon, Maki-chan. But I’ll leave you guys to it.”

...overheating in the sun didn’t usually strain your voice out. Maybe Kaito had just been yelling a lot with that spar he’d had with Maki, but…

Kokichi nodded, putting it from his mind for now. If neither of them overdid it tomorrow, then it was fine. He wouldn’t bring it up again. 

“Ah, yeah. You do need to complete the rest of your weeks, but...you can take your time going back, or even if you wanna find a new therapist… We can talk about it tomorrow, love.” And, speaking of tomorrow… Kokichi’s whines before about being tired weren’t just for show, though there were a little. He happily took Kaito’s hand, stifling a yawn with his free hand before waving to Maki. “Thanks for having us over in your room to talk, Maki-chan. Goodnight!”

Kokichi gave another wave to Jonah out in the hall, wishing the guard a goodnight before he and Kaito returned to their room, the bed looking ever so inviting.

Kaito found himself yawning a little as well, closing the door, noting a look from Jonah...but, again, it was more just the guard observing them than anything overtly aggressive. Just the guy doing his job. It was fine. 

Shuuichi was, indeed, out like a light, in that strange little position he sometimes ended up in his sleep, where the bottom half was on its side, but his upper half was laid firmly back, one arm over his stomach and the other splayed out.

...good. That meant Shuuichi felt safe. He only ever curled up onto his sides when he went to bed nervous. Letting go of Kokichi’s hand to let his small husband get onto the bed, Kaito went over to Shuuichi, brushing uselessly some of the hair out of his face, before leaning down to kiss his forehead, curious to see if he’d wake up...nope. Not a bit. “Ya know, the medicine really knocks him out. It doesn’t really do that to me. I get a little loopy, but not crazy sleepy like this...speaking of, let me go take mine real quick. Left it in the bathroom.”

Heading to the bathroom, he found his bottle, popping it open and taking the small, white tablet out. Seiko encouraged them to pour it into a drink and wait for it to dissolve, drinking the water, but Kaito had gotten used to dry swallowing it...partly because Maki had had to make him dry swallow it by force the first four days, Kaito refusing to take it out of the extremely paranoid belief that the tablet was meant to kill him.

Yeah...the paranoia had gotten real bad, for a second there.

Swallowing it down, Kaito made a face at the bitter taste, before kicking off his pants in the bathroom and leaving them there, heading to bed. 

“You sure you don’t want the middle, beautiful? I bet it’ll be real warm between us.” Kaito said, getting into the bed and scooting over by Shuuichi, who sighed in his sleep as Kaito gently repositioned him to untwist his body, putting Shuuichi’s arm around Kaito’s own stomach, so he could put a secure arm around Shuuichi shoulders. His blue-haired boyfriend comfortably next to him, Kaito looked to his husband, smiling gently as he offered him the spot on his other side. “Though, I’ll admit, having you on either side of me is...really nice. I missed you both a lot…”

Kokichi got up on their bed, but considering he wanted Kaito in the middle, he simply sat on the end, looking fondly over at Shuuichi as he felt sleep starting to beckon him to lie down...close his eyes...curl up under the covers and let his breathing slow…

He jolted a little as Kaito returned, having started to doze sitting up. It hadn’t been the busiest day, but...things did still happen. Adding it in with the early hour he usually got up at, and Kokichi found himself adhering to bedtime more times than not lately. Especially since it had been hard to resist cuddling up to Shuuichi’s side since the medicine really did knock him out. 

Laughing softly, Kokichi eagerly slid under the covers after Kaito claimed his spot, fitting his arm right under Shuuichi’s across Kaito’s middle as he pressed himself to his husband. “Oh, believe me, I’ll be vying for the middle a lot. But for tonight...I want Kai-chan to be surrounded by people who love him. Shuu-chan and I missed you too…”

It really was time for bed, but Kokichi couldn’t help nuzzling against Kaito’s shoulder, sighing lightly. “...I was really happy when he and Maki-chan both agreed that he could start sleeping in here. I spent pretty much my whole life sleeping in this bed alone, but...you made me realize how overly big and lonely it can be. It’s made for giant, heater husbands and drooly, splayed boyfriends.”

Shifting a bit, Kokichi pressed a light goodnight kiss to Kaito’s cheek. “I love you, Kaito. Welcome back.”

-

…

….

………

Kaito couldn’t sleep.

He wanted to. He really, really wanted to. He was tired. And he was so comfortable right now. He had both his loves on him, Shuuichi burrowing his face into the space between them (how the hell was he even breathing?), Kokichi having shifted in his sleep to be laying horizontal on the bed, using Kaito’s stomach as a pillow, his legs sprawled out and strangling two pillows.

They were both adorable. It had been hours since they had fallen asleep. And Kaito was doing his best to join them, but…

…

…..

……

He tried not thinking about anything at all, and entirely failed at that. So, then he tried praying. Idly talking to Atua, telling him about his day. Out of the med wing! Everything going well so far. Sorry about for bleeding all over your book! Sorry again for…denouncing you a few times this week. Hope you’re not too mad! Hope you’re not...disappointed or anything…

He tried counting sheep in his head. Bored, the sheep started coming in fun colors. Then in fun shapes. Then with weird varieties. By the time Kaito was picturing the fiftieth sheep, which arrived a technicolor, swirly-horned ram with crazy red goat eyes and massive wings, he realized this wasn’t going to work either. 

He wondered what time it was. 

He hoped Tim’s first day at school was going to go well.

What if kids picked on him because Kaito, the number one leaderboard on Dicean Prince Murder Attempts, brought him to school?

He didn’t want to spar Maki tomorrow.

What if Shuuichi couldn’t handle the freedom and they were setting him up to fail?

What were the odds Byakuya wasn’t going to ask for him on the phone long before Kaito managed to set up an appointment?

Did Kokichi secretly hate him?

Why not?

Kaito kind of wished he was dead.

And his thoughts kept circling like that. For...way longer than he should be indulging them, honestly. Every time he thought maybe he was about to fall asleep, he got a little excited, which woke him up again, and then his thoughts started running through all those questions again and...what time even was it? 

…

….

……

Realizing he wasn’t going to sleep, Kaito carefully shifted in bed. Doing his best to not disturb his loves at all, he shifted off the bed, and went to put on some clothes. Pants, a random shirt. Slippers! Little space slippers. Kaito remembered when Kokichi bought him these...or wait, was it Shuuichi? Definitely one of them had...he liked his little space slippers...giving his two loves a quick look, confirming they were both still asleep, he headed out.

Going down, it was definitely late, and it was cold. He should have worn a jacket. That was alright. It’d likely be warm in the kitchens.

Getting to the kitchens, Kaito thought about just walking in...and instead, almost meekly, like he was afraid of disturbing anyone, he knocked.

Smacking a bit of excess flour off on her apron, Chako left her station to go answer the door, figuring someone was craving a midnight snack. Or...a 4:30 in the morning snack. Not the most uncommon thing, as much as she wished it were. For anyone getting an extra early start, they hadn’t started grinding any coffee beans yet, and they were just barely starting prep. Sure there were always leftovers, and it was important for someone to eat them before they went bad, but Chako always felt like she had to put a little twist into them, make it more than just leftovers. 

In all, making snacks before prep had gotten going was annoying. 

Opening the door, Chako’s usually intense expression immediately darkened. “What do you want.”

Kaito grinned wide. Ha! Of course it would be the angry one. Hadn’t Kaito insulted her once? He was almost certain he had. When he had needed a bowl, right? Something about this not being her kitchen? Ha ha...who could even keep track?

Giving her a little wave, he considered how to approach this...and immediately felt that almost giggly little...bolt of energy that had hit him on the stairwell with Katsuki. That almost...he didn’t know how to describe it. Manic disregard as he said cheerfully, “Hey! Sorry, I don’t know your name. I choked out my husband a week ago? I don’t know if you heard about that. Could I get a corner of the kitchen to try to work out how to make those pastries he likes so much? What were they...cinnamon rolls? Does that sound right to you? I think it was cinnamon rolls…”

And then he laughed. Genuinely uncertain if he was remembering that right.

Chako narrowed her eyes. She didn’t like the Luminous Prince. He was loud and obnoxious and clearly a danger to everyone around him and he kept walking into the kitchen like everyone who worked there were his servants or something. 

...Kokichi did adore cinnamon rolls.

Scoffing, the petite woman stared up at the man almost a foot taller than her with a challenge in her gaze. “You managed to burn toast. From a pre-made loaf. You don’t even know the difference between all-purpose flour and cake flour--I don’t think you even know what laminating is.”

Turning sharply, her tight ponytail swishing behind her, Chako indicated for Kaito to follow. “Wash up; we have spare aprons.”

Awwww, she remembered. That was cute. Kaito grinned tiredly at her, heading to the sinks to wash up and, indeed, grabbing the spare apron.

-

Kaito, just barely, managed to get back up into the room in time, holding a plate with three actually very competently made cinnamon rolls. Kaito wished he could take full credit for that, but near the end the chef had just barely restrained herself from just straight up taking the tools out of Kaito’s hands, and he had barely understood half of the things he had ended up doing. He could, in theory, recreate what he did later...but probably not as good, honestly.

Ah well. Everyone started somewhere, right? And hey! He talked to a Dicean all by himself with no supervision, and didn’t end up fighting her at all! He didn’t really think she liked him any better for it, but still! Was that a record for him? It might have been a record for him. Ha ha ha that was so funny that that might actually be true…

Taking the plates into the room, Kaito quietly put the plates down on the desk, glanced over at the rising sun, over at his two sleeping loves, and decided to just get ready for the day. Had to train the kids and Shuuichi this morning! And then get Tim to school! Probably Cali too, actually. Then probably...work in the office a bit with the others. Read his books...spar Maki at some point today…

He went to go take a shower.

Kokichi stirred slightly, a certain scent prodding at his brain and urging him to wake up! It was important! Not because there was a fire...or because his room had been infested with stinkbugs...or anything like that. No, it was a different sort of importance. 

“Mrrf…?” Kokichi sleepily blinked his eyes open, taking a deep whiff of the smell in the air. A smell of baked pastry, a certain warmness from spices, and, above all, the sort of sweetness that made his mouth water and stomach rumble. 

Pushing himself up, Kokichi blearily looked around, noting Kaito’s absence and...on the desk, were those…

“...cin’mon rolls…?” Kokichi had to swallow a surge of drool, waking up a little more at the sight of the dream-worthy pastries, but… Catherine only made cinnamon rolls for special occasions. Kaito getting out of the med wing was a special occasion but...probably not one that the kitchen staff would decide was worth celebrating in that way.

Pondering over the peculiar pastries, Kokichi scooted him over in bed a bit, righting his position and cuddling over to Shuuichi’s side, feeling chilled in the morning air.

Shuuichi sighed in his sleep, having slept a good, solid nine hours now and now was gently being roused from sleep, a mixture of good smells and soft, chilly skin warming against his own heat...Shuuichi blinked his eyes open, a little drowsy after the long, solid sleep… “...did you light a candle?” Shuuichi murmured to Kokichi, burrowing his face into his hair as he wrapped an arm loosely around Kokichi’s back.

“Nm mm,” Kokichi hummed, drawn in to cuddle though his attention was still firmly locked on the treats on the desk. “I think Kai-chan got some cinnamon rolls for us first thing? I don’t know why they would’ve made ‘em today but…”

He moaned softly, stretching out in bed as he took a deep breath. “God they smell so good… Just wanna stuff my face but...m still sleepy…”

“Mmmm...we’re doomed then. They’re too far away.” Shuuichi sighed, looking lazily over at the cinnamon rolls before burrowing himself more against Kokichi. “Guess this is how we die. Starving to death with pastries roughly five feet away. Tragic. Always knew it was gonna end like this.” he said, closing his eyes.

“...ya gotta put the icing on while they’re warm...it melts and seeps into the whole thing...makes it gooey and sticky and so good…” Kokichi sighed, closing his eyes. “Nmmmg… Remain trapped in bed, cuddling with my cute boyfriend...or get up for a sec to bring the cinnamon rolls over here so I can feel like I’m in the lap of luxury, decadent breakfast in bed.”

Kokichi looked over at the cinnamon rolls again. 

“...they’re so good, Shuu-chan, you don’t even know.”

...he got out of bed.

“Noooooo, Kokichi...don’t do iiiiit…” Shuuichi whined, as Kokichi shook him off, going to make a run for the treats. Shuuichi huffed, wrapping the blankets tighter around himself and snuggling into the pillows as he muttered, “Betrayer.”

Kokichi’s eyes widened as he took in the holy grail of food, three huge cinnamon rolls, not quite...exactly circular or...even, but close enough, some bits of cinnamon filling overflowing through the top, a whole mess of icing glazed over them just like how he’d gushed. He may not know why they were on the breakfast menu today, or how Kaito knew that to get breakfast early, but Kaito was gonna get a whole heap of thanks for this!

Rolling his eyes, Kokichi returned to the bed, carefully setting the plate on his thighs to avoid any spillage. “Um, more like savior? I braved the cruel, cold journey over to the desk so that my precious Shuu-chan could taste the glory that is cinnamon rolls without having to get out from under the covers. No, no, I don’t need any thanks!”

Giggling, Kokichi broke off a segment of a roll, letting it drip excess icing off for a moment before holding it out to Shuuichi. “Just say ‘aaah!’”

Shuuichi peeked an eye open, smirking slightly. “Ahhhh….hm~” Shuuichi said, waking up more at the delicious taste, swallowing it down before yawning, untwisting himself from the blankets and his hold on the pillows as he sat up. “Fiiiiine. Huh. They’re kinda weird looking, aren’t they?” Shuuichi observed, reaching over to break off a piece for himself.

In a towel, teeth brushed and hair more or less put together (some pieces of it falling near the back, where he had failed to gel it up properly, but...eh. Close enough.) Kaito came out, giving his boys a bright grin, “Hey, you found them! Great! Don’t eat all three, okay, leave one. One of those is Tim’s. Figured it might make getting up for school a little less nerve wracking. If it tastes good, you can thank Chako. If it tastes bad, that’s my bad.”

Kokichi giggled again as Shuuichi accepted that the rolls had been a worthwhile endeavor and broke off a piece himself, his eyes closing as he swayed happily back and forth, savoring the taste of his favorite food. There was something...a little different about it though. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it…

Looking over as Kaito came out, it took Kokichi a second before he blinked in surprise and pointed down at the rolls. “Kai-chan, you made these?” He broke out into a huge grin, wanting to run over to hug his husband but settling to give him a double thumbs-up to protect the rolls on his lap. 

“Hun, I’m gonna give you some credit at least--these are delicious! A perfect start to a morning.” Just to prove his point, but also because he didn’t have much patience otherwise, Kokichi quickly broke off another piece, humming and swaying happily.

Kaito grinned bashfully at that, before saying, “Trust me, if you had seen the process, you’d be reserving the compliment. I was very much a meat puppet to her dark chef arts. But, glad you’re both enjoying it! Shuuichi, don’t get comfy again, you’re coming down for training this morning.”

Shuuichi goaned at  this, taking a piece of the cinnamon roll and popping it in his mouth before burrowing back under the covers, attempting to hide. 

Kaito just rolled his eyes at this before heading into the closet, putting on some clothes for the day...before he said, “Oh! And Shuuichi, we did that meeting last night, remember? We got some new normals! Wanted to run the new plan by you, see what you think!”

There was another groan from beneath the covers, this one sounding more exasperated. “Sure. What’s the verdict?” Shuuichi said from under the covers.

Kokichi gave the lump under the covers a fond pat before eating more of his roll, chewing as he explained. “We would like you to keep up training with Kai-chan every morning. As valuable as your help is, I haven’t officially hired you, so Shuu-chan can skip work if he wants, but that’s something that’s up to him. Then, we’d wanna do a check-in around dinner time, just to know your plans, and we wanna double check that you’re takin’ your meds at night.”

“Other than those three times...Shuu-chan is free to spend his time however he wants in the castle.” Though he was under the covers, Kokichi still sent an apologetic smile his way. “I am sorry, but we all thought it’d be a good idea if you only left the castle with one of us still for a while. Though, if you needed to go to Seiko’s and can’t find one of us, we’re asking the guards if they’d mind escorting you.”

“And...kind of in the vein of the night check-in…” Kokichi looked over at Kaito, a hopeful light in his eyes. “...Kai-chan and I wanted to ask if you’d move into our room. We can still set up a private space for you if you want it, no pressure.”

...Shuuichi peeked out of his covers, intrigued and a little suspicious. 

“...I don’t have to be with one of you at all times anymore?” he asked, reaching out to grab another piece of pastry, still wanting to eat despite what was kind of a very serious question. “Maki said that?”

“Kokichi said that!” Kaito said from inside the closet, coming out dressed and giving Shuuichi a bright grin. “Well, Maki too. But Maki’s not the person primarily in charge of your care anymore. Any big, like, concerns or requests? Kokichi’s final say now. I mean, we still all discuss it, so all the burden isn’t entirely on our beautiful future king here-” Kaito said, leaning over and kissing the back of Kokichi’s head, “-but, any real concerns Shuuichi? Kokichi’s your guy.”

“Oh? Oh….okay…” Shuuichi said, genuinely surprised Maki would be willing to give up what was essentially his primary caretaker role. Popping another piece in his mouth, he said, “I can be anywhere in the castle by myself...I do training in the morning, have to check in for dinner, and check in for when I take my medicine, so...six and ten...and…”

Shuuichi hesitated, giving Kokichi a concerned look. “...really? It’s not, I don’t know...too soon?”

“For you moving in with us? I don’t think so, personally. Honestly, I kinda would sleep better knowing you were here.” Kaito said, entirely meaning it, even if technically that hadn’t proven true yet. Sitting down in the bed, Kaito reached to run a hand through Shuuichi’s hair as he said, “But, Kokichi’s right. In fact, I’m just going to straight up encourage that you have your own, like, room somewhere...like, you don’t even have to consider it a bedroom, if you don’t want to. It could be a spare room, or some sort of study with a pullout couch, or whatever. We could keep your clothes in here and stuff but...everyone needs their own space, you know? Like, just a room you can go to if you’re ever real pissed at me and need your own space for a night, ya know? What do you think?”

Shuuichi listened quietly to this...before looking at Kokichi. Nervous. “...I’m not going to be in the way?”

Kokichi shook his head with a smile, still delighting in eating the breakfast his husband had made. “I told Kai-chan this after you’d fallen asleep, but… It’s kind of ridiculous how big this room is. I don’t know how I could stand it before you guys came--maybe by filling it to the brim with junk that everyone threatened to throw out if I didn’t clean.” Kokichi rolled his eyes at himself, meaning it more as a joke. 

He soon calmed though, giving Shuuichi a soft look. “But really, Shuu-chan’s never in the way. When you agreed to sleep with me, I didn’t ask just so someone could be a stand-in for Kai-chan. I like you because you’re Shuu-chan, and now that both Shuu-chan and Kai-chan are here, I’m gonna get so spoiled that you’re gonna get annoyed with my whining when either of you are away.”

“I love you, honey-pie, and I’d be happily honored if you wanted to move in.” Kokichi leaned over to give Shuuichi’s cheek a (slightly sticky) kiss before looking over to Kaito and shifting a little to do the same for him. “Just as honored as I am for Kai-chan to go through the trouble of making my favorite food.”

Kaito smiled at this, feeling rewarded for the effort by the little sticky kiss as he said, “Aww, it’s nothing, ‘Kichi...and yeah, handsome, everything Kokichi said, but, like, with added sexiness probably, I don’t know. I’m distracted getting a kid to school today, I’ll be sexy later. Oh, wait, hold on, I got something.”

Kaito carefully, using one finger, tilted Kokichi’s face back up towards him, gave him a small kiss, and then, with a coy smirk, gently licked the side of his mouth, cleaning up some of the sticky glaze that had found its way there. “There.” Kaito said, giving Kokichi a wink before kissing his cheek, “Little bit of  sweetness, little bit of responsibility, little bit of sexiness for the morning. All the three food groups. Shuuichi!” Kaito called out, startling the slightly blushed ex-detective, who had been watching this, “Get dressed! We gotta go train! You’re walking laps, bud!”

Shuuichi sighed, taking the last piece of his cinnabon bun and getting out of bed. “Fiiiiine.”

-

“So, your teacher's name is?” Kaito tested, as he, Shuuichi, and Timothy walked down the road, following Shuuichi’s lead, who actually knew where he was going.

“Mr. Cendril.” Timothy recited. Timothy was, very obviously, nine years old...but all bundled up in a warm, puffy jacket, with a scarf that Maki had put on him that would be useful in the coming months but was maybe a tad overkill for the crisp fall day, the boy practically drowning in the scarf as he carried a backpack that was overly stuffed with every possible supply that had been recommended on his take-home sheet. The boy was a clear and somewhat humorous result of a mother who wanted him PREPARED.

“Good! And, Mr. Cendril is allowed to?” Kaito asked, trailing off…

“Mr. Cendril is allowed to demand my silence, and I am expected to respect his authority while in his classroom. However, Mr. Cendril is not allowed to order me to harm myself, or anyone else, nor is he allowed to tell me to ask or allow anyone else to harm me, and I am to tell you if he does.”

“Good!” Kaito said cheerfully, he and Shuuichi having gone over this with Timothy during training, while they ran laps. “What else?”

“He is not allowed to touch me in any weird way, or tell me to get undressed, or to touch myself in any way. He is not allowed to take me out of the school, or send me out of the school with anyone who is not you, mom, or one of my uncles. He can ask to speak to me alone, but if it lasts longer than twenty minutes, I’m to insist to leave and go home and tell you what he said and why he wanted me alone that long.” Timothy paused, looking uncertain, before looking up at his ‘dad’. “...Is Mr. Cendril an enemy?”

“We don’t have any reason to think so, no.” Shuuichi answered for Kaito, in his own coat and scarf, using his to hide his face between his lowered cap, not in the mood for looks or strangers wanting to talk to him.

“Then why do I have to know all this?”

“Well...we just want you to be aware of how people are supposed to treat you, here. We don’t want anyone being able to trick you.” Kaito said, a tired look in his eyes, though he tried to grin over it as he beamed down at his son, “And it’s not just Mr. Cendril those rules apply to! WIth very few exceptions, those are things no adult is supposed to do to you, alright?”

“Mom harms me all the time.” Tim pointed out, mostly to be a little know-it-all shit.

“Does mom feel like an exception to the rule?”

“...yes?”

“There ya go. Now, your fellow students are...a little different. No one’s supposed to hurt you, but…” Kaito sighed, running a hand through his hair as he said, “Honestly? If they try to, there’s very little teachers can do to stop them. They can stop a fight while it's happening and seperate you guys, but, that’s about it...so, Tim, this isn’t going to be fair, but...if you get into a fight? I need to ask you to be patient with the Dicean kids. They don’t have your training in fighting. You could really hurt them if you fought them back. So if someone tries to pick a fight with you? I’m asking you to be the bigger man and not fight back, even if they hit you.”

“So, what am I supposed to do if someone hits me?” Tim asked, deciding not to mention that Mom and Miss Kawai had both given him the opposite advice. “Go tell a teacher?”

“No.” Shuuichi mumbled.

“Oh, god no.” Kaito laughed, “You’ll get a reputation. No, just get away from the kid trying to pick a fight. They’ll get bored eventually if you don’t react at all. Kids like that are looking for reactions, so don’t give it to them. Oh, but do go to a teacher if anyone from outside the school who’s not one of us tries to lure you away from the school, alright? I know that the school lets kids go out into town during lunch period to get food, but that’s not the case for you. Not yet. You don’t leave the school for any reason until one of us comes to get you. Understand?”

“Why?” Timothy asked, a dry, bored look on his face. “If everyone else can go?”

Kaito hesitated...before saying, “Come on, Tim. You know why. Just for awhile, okay? Until we know for certain no ones gonna...take anything out on you. Deal?”

Timothy just shrugged. Kaito decided to take that as a yes.

“Oh, and tell Cali that trainings back on in the mornings, and that if she brings a spare change of clothes, she can shower and change in the castle and I’ll walk you both to school in the morning, kay?”

“Cali’s not allowed to come over anymore.”

Kaito was about to ask why not….but hesitated, feeling stupid even as the thought ran across his mind.

“...I’ll talk to her parents next time I see them. It’ll be fine.” Kaito promised him.

“Sure.” Timothy sighed, as the three got up to the school, the group slowing to a stop, a swarm of kids and their parents coming down the street, most of the other families looking a little less...grim and severe then Kaito, Shuuichi and Timothy. Wow. All these kids looked so small and young...were these really Timothy’s peers?

Giving his kid a nervous glance, Timothy’s face growing more and more stony the closer they got to the school, Kaito took a risk and reached down to put a hand on Tim’s shoulder, giving a reassuring squeeze as he stopped him from walking forward, getting down on his knee to be at level with Tim as he gave him a grin, “hey, this is gonna be great! You’re gonna meet a lot of cool people, and learn some stuff, and everything we’re warning you about? Those are just worst case scenarios. I’m sure everyones gonna be really excited to get to know you, kay? Miss Kawai’s gonna be by this afternoon to pick you up, and I can’t wait to hear all about how school went today at dinner, okay? Come back home with lots of stories! Oh, and...I have a task for you. I just want you to do one thing for me, okay?”

Timothy raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Kaito grinned, feeling silly as he said this, but… “Do one nice thing for somebody, okay? Find someone who needs help with something and help them with it, then, tonight at dinner, you can tell me what nice thing you did. Promise?”

Timothy looked dryly at Kaito (looking so much like Maki in that moment), before shrugging. “Sure. Can I go now?”

“Yep! Do you want a hug?”

“No?”

“Well, too bad! Hug for luck!”

“Adults aren’t allowed to touch me in weird ways!”

“I am also an exception! Come here!”

Shuuichi chuckled to himself a little as he watched Kaito pull a struggling Tim into a hug, before the ex-soldier finally escaped, running into the school while Kaito and Tim watched him go. “Should we go in with him?” Shuuichi asked Kaito, who sighed.

“No, probably not...I don’t want any of his classmates to recognize me. Don’t know if they would, but it probably wouldn’t help. He’ll be fine.” Kaito said, watching Tim disappear inside. Then nervously, he said, “Was that good? Did I give him good advice? Do you think I scared him?”

As they started their walk home, Suichi shrugged. “Maybe. The nice thing task was cute though. Where’d that come from?”

“It was advice a priestess gave me, when I was first going to school. I didn’t realize it was advice at the time, she just always wanted to hear about nice things I did for people, but I realized later she was trying to help me. Doing nice things for people to report to her left people with a good impression of me. Helped me make friends. Here’s hoping it does the same for Tim…” Kaito sighed, looking back over his shoulder at the school. “He’s gonna be fine?”

“Yeah.” Shuuichi said, reaching over to put a reassuring grip on Kaito’s hand for a moment, before dropping it and shoving his hands back in his pocket. “He will be.”

-

Kaito, Shuuichi, and Tim weren’t the other castle residents leaving in the morning. Well, not by a longshot, as people were always coming and going, but there was one particular resident that, barred from scouring the town for any shops open late the night before, had left as soon as they knew the first shops would be opening, armed with a decent-sized backpack and a heavy pouch of coins. 

Ikuo Kauzaki was a man on a mission, giving off an intense aura that had people swerving out of his way, set to get everything he could think to need for his other son-in-law’s pregnancy. Especially with everything that had happened recently, he knew Shuuichi to be skittish, and while he was given the okay for the gifts (and, oh, this was just the first round of shopping) he still didn’t want to overwhelm the man. So...he was going to get a nice basket too to leave in their bedroom, allowing Shuuichi to partake as much as he was comfortable. 

And, several hours later, Ikuo was knocking on that door in the west wing of the third floor, carrying a woven bamboo basket that had its fibers dyed in various pastel colors, absolutely filled with products and items meant for Shuuichi. If no one was there, he could slip in, lay the basket on the bed, and not intrude at all. If there was, well...he could still pass it off and not bother anyone too much.

Shuuichi’s heart leapt into his throat, his body literally jolting at the knock, staring at the door in guilt...which was very stupid, since he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

Shuuichi had spent the last hour and half sitting in this room, marveling at just...being alone for awhile. He had worked a bit this morning, after Kaito and him had dropped  Timothy off, but the novelty of the idea of not...being around anyone for awhile? Had called to him all morning, and after awhile, Shuuichi had quietly asked Kokichi if it’d be okay if he took the rest of the day to himself.

And, with no other goal other than to just...exist for a bit, Shuuichi had gone back to the Prince’s (his?) room, and just sat by the window and watched the scenery for awhile. 

Maybe he felt guilty for worrying his friends, as that was probably who it was, right? One of his friends, getting nervous that he was alone for so long. Anyway, he...he wasn’t doing anything wrong. He didn’t have to be nervous. So, not nervous at all (heh), he called out, “Come in!”

Ah...well… He hoped this wasn’t too overbearing. At least he could present the gift himself to its intended recipient. 

Opening the door, Ikuo gave a nod to the other man, grumbling out a rough, “Pardon for the intrusion.” Lifting the basket, Ikuo gave it a little bob, showing it off to Shuuichi. “Bunny told ya I wanted ta get ya some gifts. Don’t mean ta interrupt ya private time--where ya want it?”

...gifts?

Shuuichi gave the older man a confused look, before remembering, right. Kokichi had said Ikuo wanted to get him pregnancy stuff. Right...what the hell was pregnancy stuff? He had wondered that when Kokichi had brought it up, and was now even more confused, seeing a whole basket's worth of things for...really? Was all that for pregnancy?...why? What was it for? Didn’t the body just...swell up and then pop in a couple of months? Why did it need any help?

Damn, Shuuichi had no idea what to expect the next few months. 

Still, he remembered Kokichi saying how excited Ikuo was to do this, and while that didn’t exactly...come across in the man's demeanor, Shuuichi didn’t want to seem ungrateful as he stood up and gave the man a low bow from the waist, “Thank you, uh, thank you so much, Ikuo. Um...the bed, please? I guess I’ll just…” Shuuichi gave the basket another confused look, “Is this stuff for when the baby gets here?”

Ikuo lifted the basket up on the bed before shaking his head. “Nah. As much as I’d like ta, I figured you three would wanna design the nursery and choose all the baby stuff. Prolly choosin’ a theme an’ all that.” Ikuo let out a low chuckle, peeking out from under his hat’s brim. “Ta no surprise at all, Aiichi an’ Miya’ made Bunny’s nursery star-themed.”

He then sobered a bit. “...ended up bein’ more sci-fi than they’d expected, a’ course.”

Shuuichi wasn’t in the same danger Miyako had been in. Sure, he was Luminous, and there was some strain there, but...Kokichi hadn’t named the kid an heir. And from what he heard, people were just excited for the heir’s baby, not caring that the carrying dad was Luminous. They cared a little more about Kaito but...not to the point of danger. Not yet. 

Still, Ikuo wanted to do everything he could to help Shuuichi have a safe, comfortable pregnancy. Keeping stress and discomfort as low as possible. 

Pointing out a long, triangular pillow in the basket, Ikuo explained, “Found this one out too late last time--yer hips start hurtin’ when ya lie down? Lyin’ on this help a lot.”

Shuuichi looked at the items with wary interest...before gradually losing the wary part, just taking items out and putting them out on the bed, analyzing them. Lotions, sweatpants...Shuuichi found himself laughing a little at the packet of underwear. “You know, me and Kokichi were just talking about getting me new clothes, and I’ll admit, I think would have entirely forgotten about this part of it.” he admitted, blushing slightly at being given a gift of underwear by a relative stranger, but still relieved someone had thought of it. 

Giving the gruff, intimidating man a curious look, Shuuichi asked, “You were around for Kokichi’s birth, then?”

Ikuo had been ready to leave but...Shuuichi seemed interested. Curious. And...while he didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, he had been looking forward to eventually getting to know his other son-in-law more. 

“I’s a bit personal, but a lotta pregnancy books leave out what a lifesaver padded underwear can be.” Ikuo turned the packet over, pointing to the label. “Kid doesn’t care a bit if they’re tap dancin’ on your bladder at all hours--can save clean up an’ embarrassment down the line.”

He’d only bought a few more generic items of clothing, figuring Shuuichi would want to be around to pick out a proper gestation wardrobe. Lounging around in stretchy sweatpants and loose shirts was comfortable, but when you were around other people, it could really help your confidence to wear something you felt nice in. Miyako had been so excited to wear heels and tights again…

Ikuo’s shoulders dropped slightly, giving Shuuichi a slow nod. “My experience there’s not gonna be super helpful ta you, but...yeah, I was. Was runnin’ around ta get healers then Aiichi.” 

...if only he’d gotten there a little sooner. Damnit, if only…

Ah, right…

Shuuichi thought  briefly of saying something kind, but, well, he doubted anything he had to say on the subject would be worth anything to Ikuo. Just platitudes to an old tragedy that the old mans probably heard a thousand times before...so what would be a good thing to say…

Shuuichi smiled slightly, feeling calm as he said, “Kokichi gushes about how you were as a father growing up. You’re too young to be a grandfather, but if you’re even half as good at that as you were his dad, his baby is in good hands.”

Even if Shuuichi believed Ikuo had been wrong to leave Kokichi, it wasn’t the sort of thing he’d ever tell the old man (who wasn’t even old. They were having a baby so young…). Ikuo seemed to be the one good thing that Kokichi had in his childhood, based on the few times he had talked about it to Shuuichi. And, well, unlike Kaito, Shuuichi recognized that there wasn’t much you could do about a person's past mistakes. Sometimes you just had to live with the shitty things people did to you and the people you loved and move on. There was very often just...nothing to be done.

Though, when it comes to future mistakes...knowledge was power, and with that in mind, Shuuichi asked. “What was it like, back then? Two decades ago, I mean?  Riots in the streets, assassination attempts that spanned years...it sounds like a different Dicea. And...if it’s not?” Shuuichi asked, glancing at the man who lived through it, “Is there anything I should be preparing myself for? In regards to push back from the people? I know that I’m...” Shuuichi swallowed, his eyes dropping, “...not what people expect, when they hear someones carrying a royal baby. I’m the sort of thing that can offend people.”

Ikuo lowered his hat but smiled a little, thankful for the kind words. Those first ten years of Kokichi’s life… It had been hard. Often tragic. But they were some of the happiest times in Ikuo’s life. He was only hoping to bring more happiness back into his son’s life, and for his family too. 

And happiness meant confronting tragedy. Learning from the past to avoid repeating it. Shaking his head a bit, though, there was something Ikuo could give as a comfort. “Things are different. A’ course, that comes with different problems, but the ones that plagued Miya an’ Kokichi growin’ up? Nah.”

“For all his problems, Aiichi was relentless in dismantling the Lineage Resistance Group after Miyako’s death. All the people who had spurred fear and manipulated people inta attackin’ Bunny?” Ikuo let out a huff, clearly still angry about it all. “It’s not the ‘welcomin’ to all’ stuff Aiichi likes to say these days. Anyone who tried ta capitalize off of people’s worries about a born heir had their lives ruined. Banned from participatin’ in any sorta leadership role, on the blacklist for adoption requests, banned from weapons’ licenses… Most people, at least back in th’ day, refused ta give ‘em any service. Only grocers had to, since it’s inhumane to starve someone. They’re still taken care of, but for anything more than the bare necessities of life, everyone’s rejected them from society.”

Ikuo sighed. “From what I’ve heard, a good chunk are tryin’ to atone, but that’s always a slow journey.”

“As for how that affects you?” Ikuo tried to give his son-in-law a sympathetic smile, though it looked just shy of a grimace. “Rumors say most people are pleased. There’ll be bigots who’ll fuss that you weren’t born in Dicea, but at least fer now, they’re a scorned minority. Still, might be a good idea ta not go out on yer own, at least until we can confirm that people are shuttin’ up the bigots on their own. At least with the cult business, the only people doin’ stuff have been caught. We’re always listenin’ but fer now, ya should be safe, Shuuichi.”

Shuuichi nodded quietly. Well, at least the Dicean side of it seemed taken care of. As for the Luminary side...he really had no idea what to expect. Or, he did know what to expect, and it was terrifying… He needed to talk to Kaito about it...they weren’t going to be happy having a former indentured carrying a potential heir, and even the best case scenario wasn’t great; if people embraced the kid as a potential future king or queen, then that still meant several ruthless, powerful groups were going to be extremely motivated to be involved in its upbringing…

...Shuuichi was kind of terrified about what was going to happen after Kaito talked to Byakuya. There was a very, very, very real chance that Kaito was going to end that phone call telling Shuuichi to pack his bags...

...but, again, there was nothing Shuuichi could do about it. The world smacked the shit out of you and all you could do was take the hit and hope it didn’t feel the need to do it again. Kaito wouldn’t let him go back alone, there was that, at least. And, back at home at least, his boyfriend had more influence to protect him…

...fuck, fuck, fuck…

Shuuichi took a deep breath, realizing he was starting to freak himself out and reminded himself that he had to stay calm. No more panic attacks. Man, that was one thing he hadn’t realized the pollen had super been helping him with. He hadn’t had a single panic attack on the pollen at all. Probably all that ‘stress feeling good’ stuff had affected it. It was a shame Shuuichi couldn’t keep the benefits of the pollen and get rid of all the rest of it.

“Well, thank you, Ikuo.” Shuuichi said, sighing a little. “For the gifts and the information. Um...sorry.” Shuuichi laughed lightly, giving the man a somewhat sheepish look. “I feel like I should be making an attempt to get to know you better, but I don’t know what to ask. Oh, uh...are your own parents still alive? Family outside of Kokichi?”

“‘A course. Wanna help all I can.” Ikuo nodded his hat again, though he gave Shuuichi something of a curious look. He knew that Kokichi’s lot were making attempts at getting to know more people, but it was still something of a surprise that Shuuichi had those sorts of hopes. 

Ikuo shook his head with something of a half shrug. “My folks are gone, though I got an aunt an’ uncle back in Foncett--where I grew up. Got cousins out in the world somewhere, though we don’t keep up much. Sure the village’s gonna be sendin’ a letter sooner or later, now that I have a stable address again--drove ‘em nuts when I first left, but I think folks are used to it by this point.”

Huffing a laugh, he gave Shuuichi another curious look. “Bunny mentioned you got a mentor back home? Sure she’s heard the news, but you contact her yet?”

Ahhh… Yeah…

“...not yet,” Shuuichi said, looking increasingly tired as explained further. “...I...don’t think she’d be thrilled with the news. Miss Kirigiri...she had very high expectations for me and…” Shuuichi closed his eyes, running a hand over his face, a dry sort of certainty in his tone as he said, “...well, admittedly, getting knocked up wasn’t one of the ‘expected’ ways I could screw that up, but between how that pregnancy was possible, and the circumstances around it, and what my future looks like now…?”

Shuuichi chuckled dryly. “...she’s not an emotional woman. But I am certain she’s...very disappointed in me. That’s a conversation I’m not really looking forward to having…sorry, sorry!” Shuuichi said, remembering who he was talking to, face red with embarrassment. “That was too personal. I apologize. I didn’t mean to just put that at your feet.” 

Ikuo frowned a bit but shook his head, holding up a placating hand. “‘S only a problem if ya didn’ want me ta hear it. An’ I don’ claim ta know yer relationship. Drug abuse isn’t something anyone who cares about’cha wants ta hear. But, in my experience...people who care would be happy ta know you’re over the other side, now. To ask ya if you’re happy where ya ended up, even if it wasn’t what they envisioned.”

“...I want great things fer Bunny. He’s brilliant an’ he has so much care inside ‘em, I want to be able to look at him when he’s leader an’ boast about all the accomplishments he’s made. But, if he ever didn’ want that for himself? If things turned out to make that path impossible? I’d be disappointed,” Ikuo admitted. “There’d be a lotta good the world would be missin’ out on. But I care more about my son as a person than his potential. Wherever he ends up, I just want ‘im to be happy.”

“Maybe yer mentor’s different, but I have a hunch she’d enjoy hearin’ from you regardless.”

Shuuichi tried to imagine a version of Kyoko that had heard her newly free prodigy, given a fresh new start to life, with all the potential in the world and now actual room to do something with that potential... had immediately fallen into a drug problem and was now carrying the baby of a Momota. He tried to imagine any version of her that would try to rationalize any of that as being a ‘good thing’.

...urgh…and she’d never even find out the worst stuff. Her beautiful magnifying glass…

Shuuichi shivered in revulsion, a new fresh wave of self-hatred running through him at the thought. Yep. Son of the year. That was him. Totally worth all the time and effort she had spent keeping him safe and honing his skills. The risk she had put herself in not reporting his obedience issues. It was allll worth it...so that he could go give birth to another member of the family that had enslaved them the second he was free.

...well, she was a difficult woman to predict. Maybe she would just be happy he was okay. 

“I guess I could send her a letter soon.” Shuuichi conceded, shrugging slightly, “By the time it gets to her and she sends one back, I’d probably be more ready to hear whatever she has to say anyway. So, you know...that could sort of be a problem that works itself out. Um, thank you again Ikuo. It really does mean a lot to me. As you may have noticed, me and your son and Kaito...none of us quite know what to expect.” Neither did the doctors, for that matter… “So it’s reassuring to have someone around who's done at least something like this before.”

It might be painful. Maybe Shuuichi really would be better off never hearing what his mentor had to say. Ikuo truly loved how Kokichi staunchly believed in the best of people, acted as if the world really was as kind as he wanted--it made people want to live up to that ideal model. But people acted irrationally, or on their own anger and selfishness, or sometimes just out of plain old cruelty. Ikuo didn’t know this Miss Kirigiri, and really only knew she existed because Kokichi had explained that both Shuuichi and Maki had mentors back home that had raised and loved them. Faith on love didn’t mean much if you didn’t know the extent of it. 

But...in most cases, it would probably be worth sending a letter. 

Adjusting his hat, Ikuo gave the young man a nod. “Everyone’s different, but I’ll do m’best ta help. If ya have any questions, I may not always have an answer, but I’ll give it a shot with what I do know. And,” he offered another grim smile, “If ya need anything else, just give a holler. I’m happy ta pick stuff up for ya.”

Shuuichi nodded, getting the sense the man was getting ready to go, walking him to the door. Shuuichi was raised impeccably polite, and even though he knew those sentiments didn’t translate correctly in Dicea, he still opened the door and bowed slightly and thanked Ikuo again, before gently closing the door behind him. Really only relaxing once the man was gone.

...Kokichi’s father was nice. A little difficult to understand with that accent, but nice. He sighed, looking over to the gifts to clean them up, looking with some interest at the lotions. What was this for...stretch marks? Ugh...too late for his dick on that one. Oh no, shit, right...his stomach was going to get covered in stretch marks. Great…

Shuuichi hadn’t realized how much he valued his willowy frame before he lost it. Or, maybe he just valued the comfortable sense of normalcy, not having changed all that much as he went through puberty, just getting taller and a little more solid in his features. 

He probably wasn’t ever gonna look the same again...oh well…

He went to go try on the lotion.

-

[Inset Maki/Kaito spar here...when I can think of how it’s gonna go XD]

-

Kokichi let out a yawn as he stretched, returning to his room after dinner. He’d gone to the dining hall today, the first day in a little bit he’d done so, wanting to eat with his friends since Kaito had gotten out of the medical wing. It had been nice, seeing everyone again, though Denji had talked his ear off about the styling he was going to get for the Harvest festival. It wasn’t even for a few weeks still, but apparently it was never too early to start making plans for clothes. 

And, well, he got their point if the others were gonna be dressed up too. Kokichi had to since he had to be at the customary speech Aiichi gave at every festival and occasion, thanking everyone for their work and contributions, reminding them to thank others, and to appreciate life. And, of course, to have fun. While Kaito and Shuuichi were his partners, and Maki his employee, they weren’t required to standby during the speech, so they could probably get away with dressing however they wanted, but, like with every other person involved with the more business-y bit of festivals, Denji was going to offer their services anyway. 

He promised he’d let everyone know, and they could make their own decisions if they wanted to be poked and prodded and stringed up into fancy clothes. 

Jogging over to flop himself on the bed, Kokichi sighed. “Nmm...don’t wanna do anything tonight.”

Shuuichi had been very innocently trying to put on the lotion Ikuo had gotten him a few days ago, putting it on himself having become part of his night routine, and had made the mistake of not doing it in the bathroom. Kaito, the second he had walked in behind Kokichi, closing the door behind himself, saw Shuuichi’s shirt halfway up, rubbing the lotion, on his lower stomach, and had lit up, running for the dresser as he said, “Stethoscope time!”

Shuuichi sighed in actual annoyance, Kaito borderline obsessed with ‘stethoscope time’ as he said, “Kaito, I’m in the middle of something here-”

“Shhh, shhh, quiet, Shuuichi, I won’t be able to hear.” Kaito insisted, putting the earbuds in and kneeling down in front of Shuuichi at the desk, ignoring his boyfriends open annoyance and small wince at the cold as Kaito put the metal against his stomach. He didn’t have to look for the sound for long, finding it immediately after doing this so often now, and grinned cheerfully to himself as he heard that steady little thump, thump, thump again as he said, voice soft, “Hey gorgeous! Hey, can you hear me? It’s daddy! You’re sounding exceptionally strong and healthy today! Is it because Shuuichi actually jogged his laps today? It might be, it might be, does strong dad equal strong baby? Maaaaaybe, maybe it does~!”

“Oh my god.” Shuuichi said dryly, giving Kokichi a ‘can you believe this shit’ look as he said to his boyfriend. “Kokichi, can you control him, please?”

Kokichi rolled over, snickering from the bed as he grinned impishly at Shuuichi before rolling his eyes at Kaito. “Kai-chan, if you want to enjoy that a strong dad equals a strong baby, maybe let Shuu-chan go through his routine? If Shuu-chan’s in a good mood, maybe he’ll let you listen more later. I’ve heard that babies can respond to the emotions of their carrying parent, though that might not be a thing till later.”

He knew how Kaito felt. Kokichi wasn’t as obsessed with it, but everytime he got to hear the baby’s heartbeat it just...filled him with such hope and affection. With whatever complications or growth patterns that they wouldn’t know about...the kid was alive. Sounding healthy, if the heartbeat was a good indication--and it was. 

But Shuuichi was, at this point, markedly more important to him than their future child, so he was up for keeping his head so his boyfriend wouldn’t lose it. 

Squirming a little on the bed, Kokichi made grabby hands at his husband. “Kaaaaaai-chaaaaaan! Come over here! I wanna snuggle ya, but I am far too lazy to get up and go over to you.”

Kaito pouted, whispering to Shuuichi’s stomach, “Kid, they’re ganging up on me. Alright, fine, I guess I can talk to you later. Bye bye, gorgeous.” Kaito cooed, giving Shuuichi’s stomach a quick kiss, before scrunching his face a little. Blegh. Lotion.

Getting up, giving a still grumbling Shuuichi a small kiss on the cheek, he said to Kokichi, “Alright, babe, I’m coming. God, you’re so greedy. You can at least move your own cute butt over here.” Kaito teased, leaving Shuuichi to continue to put his lotion on as he went over to his husband, grinning down at him as he leaned over, pulling Kokichi up against his hips and then spinning around, crashing back down onto the bed with Kokichi now on top of him.

Putting his arms around his husband's waist, Kaito looked up at him and said, in a moment of genuine awe, “Damn, ‘Kichi...you look beautiful today. Did you do something to your hair or something?” Kaito asked, gently kissing up at him, taking a moment to indulge himself with how soft Kokichi’s lips felt against his.

In truth, Kaito just knew he was in a good mood. Today had gone well! In the sense that nothing bad had happened, anyway. Maki was officially done shadowing Lake, and her and Kaito had wandered around the gardens together, Kaito cheerfully, if somewhat guiltily laughing at Maki start to relentlessly make fun of her (friend? They might be now. Kaito wasn’t sure. There had been something affectionate in the mocking) sort of co-worker, and was a good sport about it when she used the same things she mocked Lake about as a way to mock him as well. Maki seemed convinced he and Lake were basically the same person, and Kaito didn’t actively hate her enough these days to be offended by that, mostly just glad to see Maki in such a better mood now.

Timothy was doing well in school! He wasn’t talking about it much, but they were managing to coax more and more information out of him every dinner, and today he had said that his ‘nice thing’ that he had done was going to sit with a girl that was apparently sitting by herself every day at lunch. Some girl with dark hair, he said. They couldn’t get a name out of him, and Kaito suspected this was because Tim didn’t actually know her name yet, but still! It sounded like he was attempting to make a friend other than Cali, which was a step in the right direction!

Kaito still had to talk to Cali’s parents. He hadn’t had a chance to yet.

Maki being in a good mood and Tim doing okay in school were maybe not the most groundbreaking things to happen, but...honestly, Kaito was ready to take literally any win he could right now, and was just thrilled that things were going so well. 

And, as usually what happened when he was in a good mood, everything just seemed more...pretty to him. Alluring. The world was breathtaking when it felt good, and Kaito felt good right now. And Kokichi, god...look at him…

“Nnnnope! I just told you how lazy I’m feeling right now--anyone would just want to stretch out in bed an be lavished upon after spending an entire dinner talking about hairstyles and types of clothing and makeup and all that stuff while Denji-chan’s constantly needling you to convince all you guys to allow them to dress you up for Harvest too.” Kokichi sat up a little, shooting his lovers a look. “They’re available to dress you guys up for Harvest, by the way.”

Grinning up at Kaito once his husband relented and came over, Kokichi giggled and cheered as he was lifted up and twirled around, immediately putting his arms around Kaito and snuggling him, pressing an appreciative kiss to his cheek. And kissing him properly when Kaito initiated, playfully nipping at his lips and swiping his tongue at the seam before pulling it back. 

Things had been good. No major crises or building ones he could see within the past few days and...honestly, Kokichi would take that as a huge win. It finally seemed like things would calm down, like they could actually begin to establish a new normal. He couldn’t be more thankful, but...that didn’t mean that he was complacent to just let life happen. 

The three of them cuddled every night, just by the fact of how they slept, and Kaito was always bending down for all sorts of kisses, and Kokichi was forever delighted with every little kiss and handhold Shuuichi initiated. ...buuuuuuut Kokichi was getting a little… He missed making out. Touching. Stuff that was more than that. It’d been a while, okay, and now that he wasn’t constantly stressed out trying to manage constant crises…

Kokichi felt up Kaito’s chest a little, pulling back from the kisses with a cheeky smile. 

Kaito had just been idly indulging himself a little, just wanting to hold Kokichi for a bit and kiss him a little...but his body shivered at that cute, knowing smirk. His mind hadn’t been...well, okay, of course it had thought about stuff like that in the last few weeks. In fact, almost more obsessively than usual near the end of the time in his shrine and the beginning of his time in the medward. 

(though, not in the same way Shuuichi’s had. Kaito’s body was far, far more used to the stress of almost constant arousal, hormone-wise, and without the body changes Shuuichi went through, such as his enlarged prostate, that vague arousal hadn’t become unbearable like his love’s. All that to say his experience wasn’t really comparable to Shuuichi’s)

But, well...those impulses, since then, had been more like vague, guilty flashes. Something that Kaito wasn’t consciously suppressing, but… the guilt was still there, regardless. And so it was more precise to say that he had just been ignoring those impulses, to avoid the guilty feelings that came with them.

Look, all of that to say? Kaito was taken a little off guard by Kokichi’s flirting, just because he wasn’t allowing his mind to go anywhere close to that right now, though in any other time of his life he’d have seen signs of Kokichi’s interest hours ago, before Kokichi had even noticed he was horny himself.

It was a surreal feeling, to be genuinely caught off guard. It made Kaito blush, his face going beet red.

...and then Kaito laughed. Because the world was still pretty funny to him these days, and he ran through Kokichi’s hair, tucking it behind his ear. “Someone’s feeling frisky…” he teased, grinning up at his husband.

Shuuichi, who had no idea what was happening behind him, focused on what he was doing, just put out a questioning, “Hmm?”

Kokichi snorted softly though his cheeks went pink, showing signs of growing redder soon. “Hey, it’s been a few weeks for me, alright? I’m allowed to get a little overexcited wanting to kiss my cute husband. Unless you don’t want it, obviously.”

With a little sigh, he calmed a bit, looking up over at Shuuichi before giving Kaito a more serious look. “That goes for the both of you, always.”

Thankfully at this point, Kokichi did have a few instances to point to and declare that things didn’t always fall apart when he got intimate with his lovers. When they went through with Shuuichi’s prize at the beach house, most notably. But...if it wasn’t someone being raped or getting sick or getting pregnant (though Kokichi didn’t regret helping Shuuichi out that first time) there were just...so many instances where even just making out was met by such intense feelings of guilt afterwards. Maybe the bad things that happened weren’t directly caused by getting frisky but it certainly didn’t help and…

...Kokichi had been doing a lot of thinking lately. Especially after his talk with Maki. About his...fears when it came to being intimate. He didn’t want to only ever feel regret thinking back on times that should be happy or companionable or...satisfactory, he guessed. He was a guy with needs but...masturbating had never made him feel bad like the other stuff. 

Placing a much gentler chaste kiss against Kaito’s cheek, Kokichi settled himself down a bit, just enjoying being close to his husband, their boyfriend nearby. “I just like bein’ around you guys.”

Kaito relaxed slightly, running his hand soothingly up and down Kokichi’s back as his husband laid his head against his shoulder blades, Kaito enjoying this too...before suddenly laughing again. 

“You remember that time in the bath?” Kaito asked, grinning mischievously down at Kokichi, “Not the first time, the second time. Though, the first time was pretty great too.” Kaito snickered, sitting up, taking Kokichi with him, as he gave his husband a little smirk, kissing down at him, “Honestly, that first time? I was so scared you were gonna slip and fall...it was so exciting watching you hold on…”

“What?” Shuuichi asked, looking up with something both amused, exasperated, and...curious in his expression. Looking between Kokichi and Kaito as he asked, “Held onto what?”

Kaito snickered, looking down at Kokichi and kissing him gently on the nose. “Can I tell him?”

That had been another good time, that second time in the bath. He’d been so embarrassed and shy, asking to grind, but, like was Kaito’s specialty, he’d made it fun. A time that Kokichi could look back fondly upon...even if what happened soon after was pretty horrible. 

...but Kokichi didn’t have to think about that right now, not with Kaito being flirty right back at him. 

Huffing a laugh, Kokichi rolled his eyes and nuzzled at Kaito’s neck. “I thought I was gonna slip too--nearly did a few times. You didn’t exactly make it easy until you ever so graciously offered up your lap.”

Chuckling quietly, Kokichi gave Shuuichi a fond look before leaning up to place another kiss on the corner of Kaito’s lips. “Be my guest, though I can’t say I won’t chime in to bolster my own defence.”

“So,” Kaito said, gazing adoringly at Kokichi, that same sort of...it was strange. It was like his brain was...floating, the last few days. Everything was very, very important...but at the same time wasn’t. He went back and forth constantly between incredibly stressed and totally relaxed about everything. He felt...vague and distant, and at the same time like he was drowning. Both observer and participant at once.

Maybe none of that needed to be said. But that was how he was right now.

“Our ‘Kichi here is...upset. He was upset about some stuff, and we were talking it though, and my dumbass misinterpreted something he said, and, Shuuichi, I swear to god, for one whole night? I’m thinking I just took a vow of celibacy.” Kaito laughed, placing a little kiss on Kokichi’s lips as he chuckled, running his large, calloused hands up and down Kokichi’s back, one hand lengering at his lower waist, holding him. “And already struggling with that vow. Because this guy-” Kaito laughed, nipping at Kokichi’s lip a little, “-invites me to take a, what I think was supposed to be a totally innocent and not at all sexy shower with my totally innocent and incredibly sexy new husband.” 

“It could’ve been innocent,” Kokichi interjected, giving Kaito a fond, yet slightly exasperated look. “I just...didn’t wanna be away from you just yet, and I did need to shower so… It could’ve been innocent, it could’ve gone how it went, but what was important to me was that you were there. Don’t go insinuating that I set it all up to get some.”

“This was very new into our relationship, and Kokichi here had not yet discovered that your Kaito is a pervert and a slut, and that all naked time is sexy time in his head.” Kaito teased himself, laughing to himself as Shuuichi huffed at that.

“Okay...none of that answers my question though.” He pointed out, resting his head on his fist as he leaned against the desk, staring at the two as Kaito basically felt up Kokichi, his hands starting to wander under his shirt as Kaito tsked at him.

“I’m not answering a question, I am telling a story. A sexy story of sexy times before Shuuichi got involved. You should be pleased. We have time to make more stories with you, but for now we just have ‘Kichi/Kaito stories.” Kaito insisted, not really certain what point he was trying to make himself, just kinda feeling like...he wanted to think of happy things. 

“So!” He said again, running his fingers up and over Kokichi’s skin, enjoying the soft feeling of him, sturdy and steady on his lap, incredibly alluring just...existing there. Beautiful… ”I’m standing in this shower, just, hopelessly turned on and with a fresh vow of celibacy given in the name of my wonderful, beloved new husbands state of mind, and Kokichi’s standing there covered in water and suds and is just...fuck he was virtue and sin all done up in one adorable, sexy body. And I’m desperate, because I’m weak, so I offer to wash him all over and...well, long story shorter? We eventually clear up the misunderstanding and I, being the charming and seductive fellow that I am, start to try to ravish him.”

“Uh huh.” Shuuichi said dryly, though admittedly into the story.

Kokichi sent Shuuichi a Look, though his cheeks were steadily reddening, squirming a bit in Kaito’s lap, the touches under his shirt starting to get to him. “His arm was broken, I offered to help rub shampoo into his hair, Kai-chan brilliantly offered to rub me down with body soap, and starts rubbing my nipples even thinking that he’s taken on a vow of celibacy. I tried to get things going more since that’s obviously where it’s headed, but Kai-chan totally stops and we have our first boundaries talk. Then, of course since the mood wasn’t stuttered for him at all, then Kai-chan tries to ravish me.”

Shuuichi raised an eyebrow at Kaito. “You rubbed his nipples before you found out he was okay with not being celibate?”

“I am…” Kaito said, grinning sharply, though there was something mildly stressed in his expression, “...so weak. But, in my defense, I realized that was a dick move basically as I was doing it, and yes! Sexy boundaries talk commenced! The sexiest of all pillow talk! Why would it break the mood for me? Things you do like about sex, things you don’t like about sex...it’s all sex talk! That is-” Kaito said, voice lowering a tad as he gave Kokichi little ‘come here’ eyes, grinning as he pulled him against himself, kissing him deeply...before breaking the kiss and sighing contently, “-very sexy to me… though, I was, I’ll admit, a little relieved to discover then that Kokichi does not, in fact, have a murder kink? Was worried about that. Wasn’t sure how to safely sustain it.” Kaito admitted.

“...what!?” Shuuichi asked. “A what kink??”

Kokichi eagerly participated in the kiss Kaito pulled him into, looping his arms around Kaito’s shoulders and carding his fingers through the back of Kaito’s hair, panting with reddened lips to match his cheeks now...before groaning and covering his face with both hands, though it was clear he was laughing too. “Oh my god...I’d almost forgotten about that.”

“How would that even work? I mean, other then the, ya know...serial killer kind of way.” Shuuichi said, realizing he guessed he was maybe more familiar with that kink then he would like to think about. If a crime seemed unusually violent for no damn reason? That was usually the reason. 

Though Kaito, to his credit, seemed alarmed at the idea as he frowned at Shuuichi over Kokichi’s shoulder. “I didn’t think he was like that! I thought maybe at worst it was like, oooh….super dig being intimidated and a little afraid for my life in a, ya know...implied, vague kind a way. My ‘Kichi doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body.” Kaito said defensibly, holding Kokichi protectively against himself as he pouted at Shuuichi, “Serial killer? Come on, man. Time and place. I’m setting a mood here, can’t you tell?”

Shuuichi blinked at that….before saying, genuinely caught off guard, “You are?”

“Geez, dude...would you finish with that lotion and come over here already? This is hard when you’re not in fondling distance. Or,” Kaito smirked, kissing Kokichi again as he gave him what can only be described as a ‘smouldering’ look to Kokichi, “Should we give our guy a show? I bet we could have him begging for us in fifteen minutes…”

...Kokichi was glad he was still covering his face when Kaito held him close. He could be a great liar but...the guilty look that ran across his face was a little too telling. Didn’t have a malicious bone in his body...huh…

(He didn’t have the perspective to realize that the things he had been considering, giving Maki the go ahead with Kaede’s plan, nearly giving up on Tom and Itch… Those weren’t things his friends would consider malicious at all.)

Kokichi had just calmed himself enough to look up from his hands when Kaito gave him that look, making his cheeks burn though… Kokichi gave Shuuichi a considering look before his gaze softened, not just in affection, but in want. “I dunno. I don’t want Shuu-chan to have to beg for anything--I’d rather give him everything he wants before he even has a thought to ask.”

Popping up, Kokichi kissed Kaito on his own this time, giving him a bit more of a substantial bite on his lip this time.

Shuuichi frowned and...tried very hard not to get into his own head at that.

(It was just a week, one bad week, it didn’t have to define him, he didn’t have to think about it, every day, all the fucking time…)

A shiver of repulsion running through him as he tried very, very hard to pretend it hadn’t, especially to himself, though he found himself looking away from them. Kaito, realizing he had messed up, re-considered his game plan, looking down at Kokichi and smirking at the bite. He liked when Kokichi got rougher….ah, but…

“Damn...was really trying to keep things light.” Kaito sighed, “But maybe, if anything’s going to happen at all? Probably another boundaries talk should start no-”

“Wait! You never answered the question? What was Kokichi holding onto?” Shuuichi asked , less because he had a burning desire to know, and more just because, well...it’d be annoying not knowing by this point. 

Kaito blinked, “Oh. Right. The hand rail in the shower. My arm was broken, so I couldn’t really hold him steady myself and, well, ya know...” Kaito smirked running a hand down Kokichi’s front and then down to his lap, feeling up his cock slightly from the outside of his pants, “Get him off at the same time, so I told him to hold onto the handrail and the wall, and our patient, sexy ‘Kichi let me touch all over him till he was a flushed, gasping mess.” Kaito half teased, half praised, his own arousal upticking at remembering that flushed, needy look on his husbands face as he got him closer and closer, and as that memory shot through his head, Kaito continued to gently thumb the outside of Kokichi’s pants, leering at him as he kissed at his jaw, his other hand at his back keeping him close to himself as he said, “God, he was so beautiful...I was so worried he was gonna fall on the soap in the shower, but I wanted him so bad...you’re so hard to look away from, ‘Kichi…” Kaito said, leaning in for another kiss as he stopped pawing at Kokichi’s groin, pushing his hand up his husbands shirt and running his fingers over his nipples, like he had in the bath.

Kokichi snorted softly and had been about to cut in again, though he swallowed the gasp his words had become when Kaito started touching him more directly, rubbing at his crotch. The desire he’d started that evening with had been stoked into a warmth with every kiss and affectionate squeeze, but now it was beginning to really heat up in his gut. 

At this point, Kokichi began squirming a bit more, likely enough for Shuuichi to notice from over by the desk, half wanting to close his legs around Kaito’s hand and feel him touching him more fully, and half wanting to start grinding already. 

While Kaito was as arousingly distracting as usual, Kokichi brought his arms back up around Kaito’s shoulders, running a thumb up and down his neck while his other hand started feeling up the developed muscles around Kaito’s shoulder and upper back. Face rosy, Kokichi got a hold over himself long enough to send Shuuichi a dry, if flustered look. “He fingered me until I came sooner than expected, then remembered he had a concussion and insisted that we not do anything for him. A bummer, but...it made me happy that Kai-chan was looking out for his health.”

Kokichi looked back up at his husband, lust replaced with soft affection as Kokichi straightened to kiss him gently this time, more focusing on just how their lips fit together. Even as his breath started to come heavier, his nipples perking up from Kaito’s attention. Nuzzling along his cheek, Kokichi laid a gentle kiss in front of Kaito’s ear, speaking softly to him. “A healthy Kai-chan is my favorite, really. More than any totally cheating orgasm he gives me.”

Kaito smiled warmly at this, giving his husband another adoring look as he listened to him...before pouting. “Cheating!? Do you have any idea how much studying it took for me to learn how to get someone to orgasm with just my fingers? That shit takes skills! Well, okay, it helps that you love being fingered.” Kaito admitted, kissing Kokichi obnoxiously against his cheeks with loud, sucking SMACKS, placing his hands on Kokichi’s ass and rubbing there as he said, “And my favorite Kokichi is a happy, laughing Kokichi!” 

As he said that Kaito, now carrying Kokichi, stood up, bouncing the smaller man against his hips as he kissed at his neck (forgetting himself), walking him over to the desk and sitting him down on top of it. 

Shuuichi, realizing what Kaito was doing a second before it was too late, quickly cleared the desk of all the random stuff the three men had collected onto it by this point as he said, “Kaito! You’re going to make a mess!”

“So?” Kaito asked, genuinely baffled by the concern as he glanced at Shuuichi, before going back to kiss Kokichi as he said, between kisses, “Besides, it’s your fault. You didn’t come to the bed when I called. So, I had to bring us to you. Seriously, Shuuichi, how can you resist Kokichi? Look at him! Is resisting extremely sexy individuals, like...a secret pretty-boy power? How do you do it?” Kaito mused, feeling up Kokichi’s hips as he pushed his lover back against the vanity mirror on the desk.

Shuuichi looked between Kokichi and Kaito, at that flushed look on Kokichi’s face...before saying, small blush on his own face, “I’m not resisting. I just...I’m just not as bold as you Kaito.” Shuuichi looked down, a nervous, slightly annoyed look on his face as he said, “This is all still kinda...new to me, ya know? Kokichi too, actually. Right, Kokichi?” Shuuichi asked, looking a little desperate for some solidarity as he glanced at the smaller purple eyed prince. “It’s...a lot sometimes. Right?”

“Doing nothing but fingering my sweet spot is totally cheating!” Kokichi rebutted even as he giggled, enjoying Kaito’s exaggerated kisses. A healthy Kaito was his favorite, but the times where they could have fun and banter, tease and laugh together...those were really vying for that spot. 

Kokichi held on as Kaito picked him up, knowing that his husband wouldn’t drop him, but wanting to make it easier nonetheless. Though, he was kind of surprised when Kaito plopped him down on the desk, not for any mess related reasons, but…

His expression softened, though none of the color left Kokichi’s face as he reached out to gently take Shuuichi’s hand, not leading it anywhere, but just holding it tenderly. “It is. I’ve flirted with other people before, but it never led to anything, and then Kai-chan comes in like a whirlwind. A very sexy, very fun whirlwind, but something that can leave you floundering and wondering what to do, for sure.”

Kokichi gave Kaito that same soft look next. “It’s hard to be confident and assertive when you have no clue what to do. But, that said…”

“Mirror.” Kokichi pointed behind himself before letting go of Shuuichi’s hand and holding out both his arms, pouting. “Come to bed? Please?”

Shuuichi winced. He had actually been thinking about the mirror, but had felt...a little insecure, bringing it up again. He was glad Kokichi had remembered and spoken up for him, especially seeing the look of shock that ran through Kaito’s face, showing clearly that the red-head had entirely forgotten about this as he said, “Oh...right.” Laughing, sheepish, Kaito relented his attack on Kokichi, looking over at Shuuichi with something like shame on his face as he said, “Sorry, Shuuichi, I actually wasn’t even thinking about the fact there’s a mirror over here…”

Shuuichi shrugged, gently squeezing Kokichi’s hand in appreciation as he said, “It’s okay. You were caught up in the moment. I get it...here, get out of the way, my boyfriend’s calling me.” Shuuichi sighed, getting up, his shirt falling down over his now drying stomach as he went over to give a gentle kiss to Kokichi (avoiding his own gaze in the mirror) before carefully picking him up. He only did it for a second though, just helping him down from the desk more than anything, before letting Kokichi back down on his feet, taking him by the hand and walking back over to the bed with him as he said, “Alright. I guess I’m in the mood…” Shuuichi said with a small laugh. “God knows Kaito’s gonna give himself an ulcer trying to entice me if I don’t.”

Kaito gave one last, guilty look back at the mirror, before heading back to his loves, saying exaggeratedly, “What!? You guess you’re in the mood? Oh, I can do better than that.” Kaito huffed. Then his eyes lit up, and he said to Kokichi, “Oh! Actually, talking about cheating, Kokichi, you have to try fingering Shuuichi! His prostate...okay, look, I know that it’s probably from despair pollen stuff and it’s a bad thing that all that happened, but Shuuichi? Your prostate is insane.”

“Ah, yes...discussing my mutant body parts. How...alluring.” Shuuichi muttered, getting onto the bed beside Kokichi, giving Kaito a Look.

Kaito, realizing he had flubbed again, said urgently, “No, no, I mean...okay, I could have maybe led up to that rather than saying it out of nowhere, but damn, Shuuichi! It’s amazing! It circles your whole, uh...hole! I don’t know how you can even sit on it!”

“Up until a month ago, I couldn’t.” Shuuichi pointed out dryly, shrugging, a little frustrated with this topic...but maybe not as much as he otherwise would be. It was hard to feel bad about something in the face of Kaito’s relentless enthusiasm. “I think between what was happening in there and the, ya know, the slime coming out of me? Literally just...moving rubbed that spot inside me. Think Kaito fingering you, Kokichi, but, like...while you’re walking. All the time.” 

Shuuichi sighed, before saying, “But, once the slime stopped? That stopped. So...I don’t know. I guess it’s okay now?”

“Sure!” Kaito siad, getting on the bed and looking at his two lovers imploringly, “Now it’s a sexy super power! And I think it’s awesome!”

He had been aiming for Shuuichi to carry him back to bed, but there was only so far Kokichi would push being a brat. Instead, he simply rubbed his thumb down the side of Shuuichi’s hand and nuzzled at his arm, happy to be close. And he kept it that way as they got back on the bed, sitting right up against Shuuichi and putting an affectionate arm around his waist. 

Flushing a little more at the subject Kaito brought up, Kokichi shuddered in sympathy. He knew better than to comment how, oh, wow, if that’s what it was like, then he couldn’t imagine how Shuuichi had been able to stand it!

Because he hadn’t. 

So, instead, Kokichi just nuzzled his shoulder more and, after a moment, murmured alluringly to his boyfriend, “...do you want me to finger you, then? I wouldn’t just head into it, of course, but if Shuu-chan just guesses he’s in the mood to appease us, then I’m not gonna push. If he’s open to it, I wanna make him feel good, but otherwise I’m not gonna touch my adorable boyfriend if he’d rather not be touched.”

Shuuichi leaned his head against Kokichi’s again, a spark of interest at hearing Kokichi say it...but he flushed and said, shy again, “I don’t not want to do it, I just...like I said. It’s a lot sometimes...and Kaito, you really are a whirlwind. I don’t know how to keep up with you…” Shuuichi said, giving Kaito a small, embarrassed look…

(And once again felt another wave of repulsion and horror run through him. It was always...overwhelming...he never knew what to do...just that everything had always felt wrong. Every move he had tried and thing done to him had made him feel small and helpless and ugly and worthless and-)

(Stop thinking about it.)

Kaito frowned at this, looking between the two...alright. He was thinking about this wrong. Shuuichi was basically asking him to be...well, to be gentle. It was easy for Kaito to want to get lost in his own desires. To just relax and keep pushing forward, keep going, to just...try to drown out his own fears and insecurities through action.

But Shuuichi was literally asking him to slow down and be gentle.

Got it.

So Kaito took a second. Closed his eyes...breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth. And Shuuichi watched this, suddenly nervous. This was what Kaito did to stop himself being upset. Was he upset? Shuuichi knew he was being difficult right now, but he hadn’t actually thought it would upset him and-

But Kaito opened his eyes and grinned, something newly calmed in the action. “Okay.” Kaito said, looking softly between the two of them, scooting over and, sitting in front of them, each knee touching over of them as he went over and put a hand on their legs, squeezing Shuuichi’s knee reassuringly and running a hand up and down Kokichi’s, he said, “Let’s go slow and see what’s comfy. I know I get excited, but slow is nice too...and! Boundaries talk! The sexiest of all pillow talk! And I have something new to add to the discussion this time!” Kaito said cheerfully! “So I’ll go first!”

Reciting, this part still automatic to him, Kaito said, “No hitting. No, like, really persistent name calling or anything….annnnd I’m wearing a condom this time.” Kaito laughed.

Shuuichi raised an eyebrow at this. “It’s, uh...a little late…”

“Not for baby reasons. For, well...I talked to Seiko while I was in the medward and she said I should wear one for a little while, cause...um, I made Kokichi sick last time…” Kaito glanced at his husband, shrugging sadly, “Your fever? I mean, she probably told you too, but...guess that was me. Sorry babe...”

Kokichi looked over Kaito affectionately as he saw his husband calm himself, try to adjust for the comfort of their lover. Even more than just for Shuuichi...it was probably a good idea. Kokichi didn’t mind getting swept up in Hurricane Kaito, but...sometimes that ended with things they regretted. Maybe...taking things slow would help with that. 

Slow enough for protection, at least. 

Kokichi blinked in slight surprise before...kinda putting it all together, his cheeks flushing more, but out of pure embarrassment this time. He ran a hand through his hair, looking away slightly. “It’s okay, hun--I recovered and...Seiko did say that my body pretty much sorted everything out. We didn’t know that that could happen and, hell, we didn’t even know you had spores in you at the time.”

He flushed further. “...It was...kind of too late the first time, but… I mean, I trusted you to get tested before we got married, and I’d been tested for everything under the sun over the years, a-and I’d never been with anyone so… When you never brought it up, I never really...thought about protection.”

Kokichi opened his mouth as if to say more, likely some sort of apology towards Shuuichi, blaming himself and that mentality because it led to his pregnancy but...he just closed his mouth again, leaving it there in silence for a moment. 

Shrugging, he looked back up at his lovers. “Nothing really new for me. Be aware that you have a significant physical advantage over me, no ice, and…” Kokichi let out a little awkward laugh, though the glance he gave Kaito and Shuuichi was impishly teasing. “I’m definitely tight again, you know. So if anything’s going in me, gotta put some work in.”

Kaito waited...and was...genuinely surprised that was all. Nothing...new…

He felt a small, acidic slush of guilt burn through his stomach again. Heh...once again faced with just the realization that, as much as he loved Kokichi...he’d never really understand him…

Swallowing it down, letting it go, Kaito gave Kokichi a soft look, before saying to both of them, “Honestly? I...was selfish. I got...complacent. I was very careful, back in Luminary, with things like protection and pills and, worst case scenarios, being very careful with my pullout game…” Kaito laughed, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, “Honestly, the fact that I don’t have anything is still mostly luck. Atua watching out for me. But...neither of you are to blame for...anything. I knew better...I just...I was reckless with both of you. I’m sorry.” Kaito said, his voice quiet by the end...before laughing. “I can be kind of an asshole, huh? You poor bastards.”

Shuuichi’s brow furrowed, surprised at the word. Kaito’s list of curse words usually limited to ‘fuck’ and ‘’damn’ and the like, unless he was pissed at someone in particular. He wanted to tell Kaito it was okay…

...but it kinda wasn’t. So, Shuuichi instead just said, “No mirrors. No...no being an asshole. Slow down. I just...don’t want to feel like I’m struggling to keep up. Okay?” Shuuichi said, clenching his fists, embarrassed to ask.

Kaito grinned brightly at this, nodding. “Got it! Oh, and the dick thing? Your hole?”

“Oh! Yea, no, I...that absolutely falls under struggling to keep up and...other things.” Shuuichi said, with a wince, before looking over at Kokichi, “...you can stick things into my dick? I mean, in the sense it’s possible to do that...but I’d rather nothing go in there, okay? It’s...it’s too much.” 

...and then Shuuichi blushed, and said, “But being fingered sounds fun. I don’t mind that. Just nothing in my urethra, okay?”

...he knew Kaito knew better. Maki knew Kaito had known better. And...none of them could take back those mistakes now, but they could put in the effort to be better. Kokichi would speak up, be...more demanding in bed, if that even was a good way to put it. He needed to do more than tacitly agree with everything Kaito did, now not just for his own sake, but for Shuuichi’s too. Kaito needed to live up to the person he really was. And Shuuichi...well, Kokichi didn’t think he really needed to do much...but he hoped that Shuuichi would gradually come to trust him and Kaito more. Enough to be more comfortable. Again, though, that depended more on him and Kaito creating a space and a record that Shuuichi could feel comfortable with. 

Kokichi reached over to put his hand over the one Kaito was rubbing his leg with, gently giving it a squeeze before he looked over to give Shuuichi his attention. And...he had a look of mild surprise. He’d noticed that Shuuichi’s dickhole looked...maybe a bit big, even proportionally to how long and thick he was, but...it still had never occurred to him to...put anything in it? It just sounded...incredibly painful. 

So, bringing back his cheerful smile, Kokichi nodded and slid his hand down a little, giving Shuuichi a squeeze from just above his hip. “Got it! Shuu-chan’s made some pretty sounds when Kai-chan fingered him before, so I think he might be on the same page as me on that. But! Before we get to that! Time to really get in the mood!”

Cupping his hand now over Shuuichi’s plush hip properly, Kokichi sat up and gave him an aroused look. “Can I make out with Shuu-chan? He’s really good at it.”

Shuuichi flushed harder at this, as Kaito laughed. “It’s cute how he always asks, right?” Kaito said with a wink,  leaning back on his hands as he looked between the two. “Again, don’t know how you guys do it. Legendary pretty-boy resistance.” he sighed.

Shuuichi rolled his eyes at Kaito a little, who was...to clarify, Shuuichi wasn’t actually mad at Kaito. Not really. The other man was just...easy going, when it came to ribbing and frustration, and Shuuichi was actually extremely relieved that Kaito wasn’t looking like he was halfway on the verge of hitting anything that so much as annoyed him anymore. His easy-going nature was reassuring to Shuuichi, whose anxiety issues made it hard to not want to lash out at people he wasn’t afraid of, and Kaito historically had never made him feel like shit about it for the times that he slipped up and did so...now kinda being an example of it.

So, feeling a little relieved as Kaito answered his scoff with a small chuckle, Shuuichi turned back to Kokichi, and feeling only a little nervous, smiled and said, “Yeah, Kokichi. Of course.”

Realizing he might need to make a move here, Kokichi looking, in Kaito’s words, ‘beautiful’ and Shuuichi not wanting to make Kokichi feel like his advances were unwanted or anything like that, Shuuichi cupped his hands gently against Kokichi’s cheeks and leaned down a bit to kiss him, relaxing into the taste of his breath as he kissed his bottom lip a few times, stomach filling with fluttering butterflies as he felt that small heat against him.

Kokichi snickered a little, sending Kaito an amused look. He always asked just...to make absolutely sure he wasn’t pressuring anyone into anything. It wasn’t just for sexy times either. It was...likely very different in Luminary, but Kokichi had realized from a very young age that if he asked for something straight out then...even if someone didn’t want to do something, they might do it anyway just because of who he was. Because he was the boss’ kid. After reading so many stories of workplace abuse and hearing people complain about their bosses...he wasn’t perfect, but the realization of the power he had over people was something that lingered in the back of his mind, tempering his words. 

...but they were all consenting here and...bringing it up all the time might… 

...he didn’t want to shame Kaito. He knew his husband did it enough to himself. 

So Kokichi just kept quiet and beamed up at Shuuichi when he gave his okay, shifting to wrap his other arm around Shuuichi’s middle as he kissed back, keeping everything soft and light for starters. No racing ahead, leaving Shuuichi struggling to keep up. Still, though, after a moment Kokichi parted his lips a little, inviting Shuuichi in if he was ready.

“Hmmm...” Shuuichi sighed into Kokichi, this part always a little strange to him, but taking the invitation. He had only had a handful of chances at practicing this, but almost all of those chances were with Kokichi himself, and so the two had fallen into a comfortable, familiar pattern as Shuuichi playfully licked at the tip of Kokichi’s tongue, Kokichi following back into his mouth, Shuuichi gently closing his mouth around the tip of Kokichi’s tongue, just briefly, a small capture before they traded again. It always amazed Shuuichi, how distinct Kokichi’s taste was. So unlike anything else…

As the two kissed, Shuuichi wrapped his arms around Kokichi’s shoulders, leaning into him, Kaito enjoyed watching them for a moment, getting excited. Still, he had to be responsible right now, so scooting over to the edge of the bed, Kaito collected the familiar, still overly large tub of lube they had hidden in there with the still unused vibrator (man. They really needed to break that thing in someday. Kaito had played with plenty of sex toys over the years, especially when he was dating Kore, but for some reason he always found himself hesitating at the idea of using anything like that on Shuuichi or Kokichi.) and ignoring the dozens of small lube packets he had thrown in there as well, he grabbed one of the condom packets. 

He had meant to get condoms from Seiko, but had been only somewhat embarrassed to discover that Maki had already bought, like...literally a hundred. She had bought the biggest box of condoms at the store she could find, and had dumped the entire box into their….well, their sex drawer, essentially, as that was all that was ever in there(barring a few hidden letters over the months). 

Looking at the condoms, Kaito suddenly asked, “Did...Maki actually teach you how to put these things on? She implied to me that she, uh...did.”

Shuuichi broke the kiss and groaned, resting his head against Kokichi’s shoulder as he burned bright red in humiliation as he said, “Of course she did Kaito…that was easily the worst fifteen minutes of my life. I’ll never look at a banana the same again.” Shuuichi muttered darkly.

Kokichi hummed happily as Shuuichi accepted the invitation, their pace slow and playful. He really enjoyed kissing, both of the styles his lovers set up. The almost devouring passion that Kaito brought, stealing the air from his lungs and leaving him reeling, and the slow, sweet discovery with Shuuichi, exploring each other’s mouths with, yanno, some touching, but only ever above clothes. 

Kokichi was continuing that trend as he lightly grazed his teeth over the top of Shuuichi’s tongue, sliding his arms around his boyfriend and rubbing his lower back, gradually drifting lower and lower…

Before he took a deep breath as Shuuichi pulled away, his heat restoked but the flush in his cheeks not all from arousal. Grimacing a bit, Kokichi moved his hands back up, patting between Shuuichi’s shoulder blades. “I appreciate that she wants us to be safe...but I could’ve been happy never seeing an open condom in Maki-chan’s hands. I never really wanted to go through sex ed again.”

Though...to be fair, his first time had been Hideki assigning him a bunch of health books to read on his own and only come to him if there really was anything he didn’t understand. There weren’t many subjects the secretary and his childhood tutor shied away from, but apparently teaching his boss’ and old schoolfriend’s child about sexual health was one of them. 

Kaito couldn’t help but laugh at them, though he knew he’d have been horrified in their shoes. “Well, alright then. I’ll trust that she, uh...well, basically told you anything and everything about it then. Not that either of you need to wear one. I was just curious more than anything. Please, don’t stop on my account.” Kaito teased, smirking at them before looking down at the condom, double checking the expiration date and opening it up to give a quick look for tears before putting it aside, not quite, uh…’ready’ to put it on yet.

There was something arousing in seeing someone prepare to touch him, and Shuuichi felt another small flutter in his stomach, before looking back to Kokichi, smiling in that certain way that only two people who had gone through the same awful, traumatic, Maki-inspired lesson could. “Honestly, by the end of it, I think she was just teasing us. She did not need to make us both put one on a banana ourselves. Maki can have a really mean sense of humor sometimes. Oh well...” Shuuichi laughed, before leaning in to kiss him again. 

As he kissed Kokichi for awhile, taking his time with him, enjoying the feeling of the two warming up together, Shuuichi broke the kiss again, before glancing at Kaito, “Are you gonna get involved here?” He asked, wiping a bit of spittle off the side of his mouth, their kisses starting to get a little hot and sticky as they breathed against each other.

Kaito smirked, before looking between the two, thinking...before scooting himself behind Kokichi. “He’s always begging to be in the middle at night, so~” 

Putting his legs on either side of Kokichi, Kaito leaned down and kissed the top of Kokichi’s head...before leaning over his shoulders and taking the end of Kokichi’s shirt, trying to pull his shirt up and off of him as Shuuichi watched, swallowing a little harder. 

“Oh, she wanted to make absolutely certain we’d never forget.” Kokichi snorted softly, still mortified with the memory, but fond and appreciative of their friend nonetheless. And more than happy to get back to kissing. 

Kokichi let his arms stay up around Shuuichi’s shoulders this time, obviously not reaching around to his front, but feeling up his muscles, finding tense spots, and while he wasn’t as good as Kaito with massaging the knots out, he did give them little rubs before moving on to somewhere else. And as they kissed, Kokichi had to start making an effort to keep sitting up, finding himself wanting to lean back and coax Shuuichi on top of him. There was...no way Shuuichi would be able to fit in him. But there was still a nice image of Shuuichi lying on top of him, their legs slotted together, taking advantage of the change in gravitational force…

When Shuuichi pulled away this time, Kokichi wasn’t quite ready to be so far away. Kissing over Shuuichi’s jaw and the top of his neck, Kokichi enjoyed the small vibrations in Shuuichi’s throat as he beckoned to Kaito, and soon enough, Kokichi didn’t have to worry about keeping himself upright. 

Finally pulling back from Shuuichi, Kokichi let out a little breathless giggle, easily accommodating what Kaito was trying to do, pulling his arms through his shirt. “What can I say, it’s my favorite place to be. Warm and cuddled by my favorite people--I guess it’s inevitable I’ve gotten a little greedy.”

“Pfff. ‘Gotten’. Sure.” Kaito teased, tossing the shirt aside, before letting his hands rub up and down Kokichi’s chest and stomach, large fingers starting to playfully tease at Kokichi’s nipples as he glanced at Shuuichi and said, “Again...don’t stop at my account.”

Shuuichi licked his lips a little, suddenly feeling dry as he observed Kokichi leaning against Kaito’s chest, his legs now loosely around Shuuichi’s sides, Kaito fearlessly touching places that still gave Shuuichi pause, even when he and Kokichi were making out in private...then watched as Kaito looked up, grinned at him, and then took one of his hands and reached out for Shuuichi, grabbing his collar and pulling him into a kiss, Shuuichi now leaning into Kokichi’s groin as the two made out above him, Kaito’s other hand never letting up on his teasing, playful exploring of Kokichi’s chest. 

“Hrmmm...mmmm…” Shuuichi felt involuntarily little moans drawn out of him as Kaito breathed him in, his taste different than Kokichi’s, his whole presence different. Hot. Always so literally, physically hot...and hot in all the metaphorical ways, Shuuichi could admit to himself, as he found himself leaning forward more at Kaito’s pull, his hands on either side of Kokichi to catch himself from falling, and… “...ah…” Shuuichi broke the kiss, a line of spit briefly connecting the two together as he looked down, his own (stupidly) large junk now pressing in-between Kokichi’s thighs...kinda wanting to move himself against him…

Feeling a little foolish, wondering if this would even feel good at all or if he was about to make an idiot of himself, Shuuichi started rolling his hips against Kokichi, experimenting with dry humping as he pressed and rubbed their groin together. 

Kokichi hummed a little more now, his nipples perking right back up as Kaito rubbed them again, the reprieve from teasing now over. He had never really been overly sensitive, but he’d never really played with his nipples much himself. Maybe a pinch here and there when he’d been getting himself off, but Kokichi’s hands had always tended to wander down and not up. And with Kaito...he always sent sparks shooting from his chest down into his groin, and Kokichi started squirming in his lap again, his legs parting around Shuuichi. 

Which worked out quite nicely with how Shuuichi leaned over him. Kokichi settled one hand to start rubbing up and down Kaito’s thigh and brought the other up to cup Shuuichi’s hip, rubbing and, even feeling himself get worked up, trying not to tickle his boyfriend. It was...a little odd, watching them make out over his head, but...Kokichi had to admit, hearing Shuuichi’s moans and hearing the wet little smacks definitely piqued his interest. Kokichi nuzzled back against Kaito’s chest, trying to get him back for the touches that hadn’t let up for a moment and

“U-unnng…” The moan snuck up on Kokichi, his hips twitching up without much input from his brain as Shuuichi pressed down. That huge cock, not hard, not yet, but definitely firming up, pressing and sliding across Kokichi’s semi… Kokichi let out a shuddered breath as he adjusted himself in Kaito’s lap, making sure he wouldn’t slide as he pressed up against Shuuichi, hooking his legs around his thighs in an attempt to bring him closer. 

Kaito watched, weirdly proud, as Shuuichi hesitated for only a second at Kokichi’s reaction, before continuing what he was doing, looking down at Kokichi (his cap already on the dresser) as he pressed and rolled his hips against him. It felt good against his cock, certainly, but this was...there was something almost primal, in the movement of working his hips against someone beneath him. His whole body flaring up at just the gesture itself, aroused as he realized this was the first time he had ever done anything remotely sexual while not on his back…

...it felt...good. 

Almost safe. 

But, that feeling of safety reminded Shuuichi of his own fears of being overwhelmed, and seeing Kokichi pressed and trapped between his and Kaito’s body, Kaito happily now using both his hands to pinch and rub at Kokichi’s chest, he slowed down and said to Kokichi, breathlessly, “Are you good? You okay?”

Kaito frowned, wondering what Shuuichi saw that had made him concerned, looking down in a way to get a better view of Kokichi’s face as he said, “Something happen?”

Kokichi continued to make little breathy, happy hums as he and Shuuichi grinded against each other. Just like when they kissed, it was slow, testing, enjoying every little bit of slight movements. Or, at least he was, but he hoped that Shuuichi would speak up if it didn’t feel good for him. 

Though what he did speak up about was surprising enough that Kokichi just blinked for a moment. Probably a terrible moment that would lead his lovers to thinking something was wrong but…

Kokichi giggled, fond, and sat up a little to place a kiss under Shuuichi’s jaw, giving one to Kaito not too long after. “This is perfect. Shuu-chan feels amazing and we both know our Kai-chan is no slacker.”

With a wink up at his husband, Kokichi put his hands over Kaito’s, holding them from behind in a sweet gesture he’d done plenty of times, but seemed, er, less innocently sweet when Kaito’s hands were feeling up his chest.

“Are you okay, Shuu-chan? Or just wanted to check in?”

Like with the last time they were all together, Shuuichi realized he was projecting his own fears onto Kokichi, seeing warning signs that weren’t there, and he sighed, relaxing a little as he said, “Just...just checking in…” he assured, leaning down to place little kisses on Kokichi’s face, Kaito taking his chance to rub Shuuichi’s back now that it was in rubbing distance.

Just as Kaito was thinking about how to broach the ‘shirt’ issue again with Shuuichi, the ex-detective rubbed his hands down Kokichi’s sides as he kissed him, before settling on his waistband and whispered against him, “Can I take these off?”

Kaito grinned, “Are we getting into naked time? Fuck yeah! Was starting to feel constricted in these.” he laughed, taking off his own shift and tossing it aside as well. Then, taking Kokichi’s hands back, he brought them up to his face, kissing against the back of his palm and his arms, enjoying the slight tickle of Kokichi’s hair brushed against his chest and stomach.

Kokichi smiled into the kisses, giving Kaito’s hands another squeeze before running a few fingers through Shuuichi’s hair, gingerly tucking a few locks behind his ear. Ever so attentive, even from his own insecurities. He wanted to make sure Shuuichi was alright too, but if he asked and Shuuichi didn’t bring anything up...he had to trust that it all was alright. 

They had a good balance together like this. Kokichi and Shuuichi going slow, feeling things out, while Kaito made sure that they didn’t get stuck in their heads, keeping the mood up. Things would probably shift once they all got more comfortable with each other like this, and...Kokichi was looking forward to that too. 

(In some of his light research, he’d read that sex drive during pregnancy could vary wildly. He’d never wish for Shuuichi to be horny all the time again, but...he was kind of hoping that his boyfriend would still be into sex at least a little in the upcoming months.)

Joining in Kaito’s laughter, Kokichi wiggled his hips a little, very purposefully, grinding back against his husband a bit. “Shuu-chan can absolutely have that pleasure! Though I’m hoping that, with the two of you each choosing something of mine to take off, I can help with something too.” Almost mirroring what Shuuichi had just done for him, Kokichi lightly slid his thumbs into Shuuichi’s waistband, making his request clear through he slid his hands back up over Shuuichi’s hips and waist.

Shuuichi smiled, staring at his two lovers in amusement as he looked up at Kaito, who was staring down at Kokichi, a grin in his eyes but something clearly...hungry, was the only good word Shuuichi could think of. Maybe ‘needing’ worked too, but hungry seemed to fit that all teeth grin more. Clearly getting excited. The guy really was insatiable…

Looking back down at Kokichi, he nodded to Kokichi’s question, before unbuttoning his own pants to make it a little easier, before turning his attention back to Kokichi’s own long pants, which didn’t have any buttons, just pulling at the elastic that wrapped around his thin frame, pulling them down and leaning back a little as Kokichi helped him move his pants off of each leg, the two chuckling a little as the end of his pants got caught on his ankles for a moment, Shuuichi wrestling with it before he finally got them off, feeling better as he laughed. 

Then, helping Kokichi in turn, Shuuichi straightened up as Kokichi pulled down his pants, feeling only vaguely embarrassed at his sudden nakedness as they pulled at his pants, Kaito’s total refusal to let Kokichi up from his lap not making things any easier, the man just snickering as Kokichi did his best to maneuver from Kaito’s greedy grasp on him. “Almost got it, you guys...come on, I believe in you, you can do it! Oh, no, Shuuichi bud!” Kaito laughed as Shuuichi, balancing on one knee to get one leg out, suddenly fell on his side like a flopping fish, Shuuichi pouting as he looked up at the howling Kaito, who wasn’t even kind of trying to hold back, “You didn’t help with any of that, you know.” Shuuichi accused, kicking himself out of the last of his pants.

“I have no idea what you mean.” Kaito said innocently, as he held Kokichi against himself, grinning cheerfully down at Shuuichi, who right himself up now that he was free of his pants. 

Trying to help Shuuichi slide his pants off while being trapped in Kaito’s arms wasn’t the easiest thing, but...there was one benefit. No longer insulated in the slightest by his clothes, really the only way Kokichi was keeping warm was from being pressed up against Kaito, the older prince’s fiery core something that Kokichi had been pleased with even as Summer had begun to wane, but now that they were fully in the swing of Fall, it was almost a necessity. Maybe next time he’d suggest getting the fireplace started before they started getting all grabby. 

Once Shuuichi had sat himself up again, Kokichi took a moment to run his hands over those thick, strong thighs, though he respectfully kept his hands away from anywhere under Shuuichi’s underwear. Parting his own legs once more, Kokichi gave his boyfriend a desirous wink, clearly exposing the bulge tenting in his own underwear. “Two layers down, so wanna get back to it? Wanna get Shuu-chan feelin’ real good.”

Kaito chuckled at that brief, deer in headlights look Shuuichi always got whenever Kokichi said something like that, his boyfriend so easily flustered. It really was incredibly sweet. He loved them so much...and smiled warmly as Shuuichi seemed to make up his mind, returning to his previous position in between Kokichi’s legs as Kaito sat back a bit, letting Kokichi more fully lay on him, letting his hands warm and rub against Kokichi’s front as he watched Shuuichi get a determined look on his face, adjusting his hips to more fully press against Kokichi.

As Kaito watched Shuuichi start to grind against Kokichi against, focusing on the spot that tented up in Kokichi’s underwear, Shuuichi’s own massive bulge starting to press tighter and tighter against his own briefs, Kaito watched all this with some amusement before saying aloud, in lue of nothing, “I am so getting that fucking thing in me at some point.”

Shuuichi paused, glancing up at Kaito...before huffing, returning to his task as he looked down at Kokichi, his body starting to sweat in his movement and flushed, burning arousal, feeling his dick slide and press against Kokcihi’s, “I’ll admit…I found myself entertaining the theory that that might have been the pollen talking, before.”

Kaito blinked in surprise at this, looking genuinely befuddled as he said, “Why? Fucking my boyfriend isn’t stressful.”

“Your husband wants me to kill him with my dick.” Shuuichi muttered to Kokichi, giving him an exasperated look, “And doesn’t even understand why that would be stressful...how on earth are we going to take care of this man when he’s this self-destructive?”

Kaito rolled his eyes. “Your dick isn’t going to kill me. Okay, yes...it’s easily the biggest thing that I’ve ever tried to fit in me. Easily. But, I have taken on some brutal toys in my day, dude. Like, your’s is biggest, but you don’t dwarf those toys as much as you think you do, you...beast tamer? Beast master? Master of the Beast.” Kaito chuckled, enjoying himself.

Kaito had been right in that grinding felt better when you were hard, but only having two thin layers of underwear was certainly a jump up from going through pants. And certainly when Kokichi half expected Shuuichi’s to become nothing at all soon. He knew that Shuuichi had gotten his clothes altered to fit him, but adjusting for The Beast at full attention was another matter altogether. 

“Unng...mmm...nn-a-ahh…” Kokichi wasn’t stifling his sounds at all, the groans and huffs with each pass of Shuuichi bearing down their hips together, each roll that Kokichi bucked up, though it did break into a hiccupped laugh with Kaito and Shuuichi’s banter. “I know how you feel, sweets, but at least I’m realistic with my limits. As absolutely won~der~ful~” he purred, rolling his hips with each syllable, “as it would be for Shuu-chan to fuck me, I would actually die. I love him way too much to do that, so I just’ll appreciate every other part of my cute boyfriend’s cute body.” Kokichi looped his arms around Shuuichi’s neck just long enough to help him press a kiss to his neck, just barely scraping his teeth before lying back against Kaito, breathing heavily for a few moments. 

“A-a-nd Kai-chan… As much as I’d love f-for you to live that dream for the both of us, we have to face reality...oooun… You c-can’t even deep-throat him and a mouth is way bigger than an asshole.”

Kokichi started to squirm in Kaito’s lap again, his hips breaking rhythm, greedily trying to press against Shuuichi harder, faster. 

Kaito frowned at that, now his pride just hurt. “I can deep throat him…” Kaito muttered, plainly ignoring how entirely his last two attempts at that had totally failed. 

Shuuichi, in turn, was totally ignoring Kaito now, encouraged and turned on by Kokichi’s little huffs and mewls as he started to breath heavier himself, his groin starting to tighten painfully as he his breathed out little, “ha...hah….mmmm~” 

It was need, plain and simply, that caused Shuuichi to let up, needing to get out of his underwear as he, still panting, looking down at Kokichi needily, took down his underwear, lifting one leg and then the other as he got himself undressed. Then, free, his dick raising but heavy, so damn heavy that it was still struggling to get any sort of height, Shuuichi looked down at Kokichi, taking his own dick for a moment and rubbing at himself a little, the long length of his dick growing thicker as he stared down at Kokichi for a moment before reaching down for the small princes’ underwear, wanting to free Kokichi up to grind properly. 

It was Kaito, still pouting, who put his arms around Kokichi’s chest, hooking under his husband's underpants, pulling Kokichi away from Shuuichi a bit as Shuuichi’s eyes widened, looking up at Kaito alarmed. “Kaito?”

“What?” Kaito asked, pretending like he hadn’t totally just disrupted further sexy times for Kokichi and Shuuichi as, still pouting, he dragged Kokichi up further onto his lap, giving Shuuichi a smirk as he said, “I wanted to kiss and touch my husband, and he was too far away there. What’s wrong with that?” Kaito teased, as he leaned down and started to kiss at Kokichi’s ear, running his fingers down his front and down his waistband, taking Kokichi’s dick into his hand and running his thumb around his husband's head as he said to Shuuichi, “What? Were you getting worked up or something?”

Shuuichi, whose dick was starting to ache with need, glared at Kaito...before leaning forward and, in a move that he’d only pull on a guy he’s known since he was ten, put one hand on each shoulder and actually pushed him backward. 

Kaito, entirely taken off guard by this, found himself falling back without a chance to brace himself, especially with one hand holding Kokichi and the other hand, uh, ‘holding Kokichi’. Falling back on the bed, Kaito gave Shuuichi a surprised look as the blue haired man got to work encouraging Kokichi back into a position he could work with, pulling Kokichi’s underwear off and saying to him, as Kokichi laid flat against Kaito, “If...if you want...Kaito and I can grind you until you cum.” he offered, flushing now as he looked down at the naked, reddened skin on Kokichi, Kaito still clutching him and pouting at Kokichi. 

“Come oooon. Kokichi, noooooo.” Kaito whined, kissing at his husband, trying to entice him back to him as he said, “You get so sleepy when you cum... I wanna turn.”

Shuuichi raised an eyebrow and rolled his yes, saying, “You can just fuck me Kaito. You wouldn’t even have to put your condom on.”

“...” Kaito frowned. Now really, really wanting both options…

Kokichi had whined slightly when Shuuichi pulled back, but it was short-lived disappointment as he hungrily looked on as Shuuichi freed The Beast. He knew it was a result of the pollen. Even if no one had said it specifically, the stretch marks all over the thick length told the story clearly enough. Kokichi...wasn’t really sure how getting a cock an order of magnitude larger than even well-endowed dicks was supposed to help Shuuichi’s body for pregnancy but...well, it was just a nice bonus, he supposed. He liked the rest of Shuuichi’s body, of course, but it seemed that his dick was something Shuuichi was comfortable with too, and that was important to him. 

It made things easier when he practically drooled over watching Shuuichi touch himself, his briefs now straining and starting to show a bit of his wet. Kokichi was eager to get out of his underwear and keep the party going but…

“A-ah… Kai-chan…” Kaito hadn’t acted like lightning or anything, but Kokichi’s body still jolted, surprised enough by a large, callused hand wrapping around him and starting to circle his head, a bit more to the point that Shuuichi’s grinding. And...a bit more than that too.

Kokichi squeaked when he found himself falling backwards with Kaito, the hand on his dick tightening for a moment and driving him nuts, especially as Kaito and Shuuichi started arguing over how they wanted to do this...all while Kaito kept working his dick, of course. 

Trying to work past the moans in his throat, Kokichi shook his head. “I-I still wanted to - unf! - finger Shuu-chan...i-if he wanted.” It was hard to think with Kaito’s hand around him, massaging that little muscle around his head, slicked up with pre-cum already beading up. He...almost wanted to offer that he could finger Shuuichi while Kaito worked on opening him up, but, just like admitting that there was no way Shuuichi would ever fit inside him, Kokichi knew that he wouldn’t be able to focus on pleasuring his boyfriend with Kaito showing off his expertise. 

So…

Kokichi shivered on top of Kaito, finally grabbing his wrist, not pulling him away but encouraging Kaito to give it a break for a moment. “Ah...ah… What a-about… Shuu-chan has more stamina than me, right? So...what about...Shuu-chan kneels over Kai-chan, a-and you guys can have fun while I finger Shuu-chan from behind? Then...Shuu-chan can help prep me while I get Kai-chan hard, then he can fuck me while I’m between you two?”

Kokichi closed his eyes, breathing heavily, trying to think if that covered everything while keeping everyone happy and engaged.

Shuuichi and Kaito, who might have legitimately been about to get into an argument about this….both looked down at their little love, considering his proposal...and Kaito grinned first. “I love it.” he said, looking up at Shuuichi and smirking as he said, “I get to see Shuuichi all hot and bothered first, and then get myself all inside of Kokichi? Sounds perfect. I bet I can still get into Shuuichi by the end of the night too.”

Shuuichi raised an eyebrow at Kaito...before smirking. “You’re such a dick, you know that?”

“Won’t be saying that soon.” Kaito teased, giving Shuuichi a wink as he wrapped his arms tighter around Kokichi, giving him an aroused, beckoning smile as he said, “You’ll be calling my name soon, is what you’ll be doing. Hey, Shuuichi, I’m getting a reputation around the castle for the whole ‘sire’ thing. Wanna really reinforce it by screaming it loud enough for the whole castle to hear?”

Shichi blinked in surprise...and then laughed. “Kaito.” he said, shaking his head, “Geez…”

Kaito chuckled, the atmosphere now relaxed again as he said, kissing Kokichi’s cheek before finally letting up on his hold, “Alright, I love that idea, ‘Kichi. But, you’re literally shaking in my arms. You noticed that, right? So, alternative to your idea, just a small one,” he said, kissing his face again, before sitting up with a small sigh, “Let me take care of my two loves and go start the damn fire, warm things up in here a little, and you can get Shuuichi all hot and bothered and screaming ‘your grace’. God knows I’d find that shit sexy.” Kaito laughed, kissing Kokichi again before, sighing like he was taking on a great burden, lifting him up and handing him to Shuuichi.

Kokichi smiled, glad to see that the idea worked for everyone from between Shuuichi wanting a pace he wouldn’t flounder with to Kaito’s ever-burning want, and...well, Kokichi’s desires to see his husband and boyfriend happy, comfortable, and satisfied. And being able to get some after a long few weeks. 

Laughing a little sheepishly, Kokichi gratefully snuggled Shuuichi as he found himself against him again, enjoying the contact and, yeah, heat. “Thanks, Kai-chan. Chillin’ out all nakey hasn’t really been a pastime for me this time of year before, so I didn’t think to get one started. You guys really get me all heated up, but in the meantime? Love ya, hun.”

Kissing along Shuuichi’s jawline, looping one hand around his still clothed waist and gently starting to stroke The Beast, coaxing it upwards, Kokichi hummed. “Lemme know what you want, Shuu-chan. What position seems the best? You seemed pretty comfy over me~”

As Kaito ran off to go get the fire set up, kicking off his own pants as he went, Shuuichi suddenly found all eyes on Kokichi again, swallowing hard at his arousal as Kokichi’s small hands started rubbing up and down his length. “I...I did like being over you.” Shuuichi confessed, brain starting to haze ever so slightly as Kokichi worked his cock. Leaning in to kiss him, Shuuichi shuddered against him as another wave of arousal hardened inside of him, and hands on his boyfriend's back, being careful as he went, he lowered Kokichi down onto his back.

“...I do wish I could, ya know...do what Kaito does for you.” Shuuichi admitted, kissing Kokichi’s neck, and then kissing down his chest, pausing at his nipples for a moment before taking one into his mouth, lapping a tongue over it before gently biting down on it and sucking at it for a moment, thinking of his own chest. Then, thinking of how good it’d feel to have Kokichi’s fingers inside of him, he said, “...but I liked it when you were in me too. You can, you know. A-any...anytime you want, really.” Shuuichi flushed, face burning at the offer. “I don’t really need much prep...I mean, I haven't needed it in the past, anyway, and...I’d probably be good to go right away, is what I mean…any time...”

As Kaito listened to this from the fireplace, he frowned and said over his shoulder, “Hey! How come I haven't gotten that offer?”

Shuuichi’s flustered expression immediately disappeared, as he looked over to Kaito and said, “Because you’d take me up on it, constantly. I can trust that Kokichi would be conscious of the time and place. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you and Marcus. I do not need to be fucking you all over the city, Kaito.”

Kaito snickered at that, setting up the wood as he said. “What can I say? Dude has a fetish. And I am nothing if not accommodating.”

Shuuichi sighed at that, before returning those golden eyes at Kokichi...before looking away shyly again as he said, “I-if we’re waiting to get you off, uh...can you...um…” Shuuichi looked down at Kokichi’s arms, trying to guess how much room he’d need, before scooting up a bit, closer to Kokichi’s chest, not putting any weight on him as he said, “...is this a weird position to do this? We can change it. I don’t mind being on my knees or back or anything.”

Kokichi went easily onto his back, accommodating and… He did trust Kaito. But he did have a feeling that Shuuichi would be more likely to check in more often, giving Kokichi spaces to speak up if it started to get overwhelming. Sometimes it was nice to be overwhelmed--it didn’t give him room to doubt. But...sometimes it was nice to know that Shuuichi wasn’t going to pin his arms unless he explicitly asked for it. 

Humming happily as Shuuichi kissed over him, Kokichi carded a hand through his hair, using his fingers almost like a hairpin to keep Shuuichi’s bangs out of his face. And, to the benefit of Shuuichi’s length, Kokichi never had to stop touching him in the change of positions, keeping it up to pleasure Shuuichi back. 

He groaned when Shuuichi took a nipple in his mouth, though his look down at his boyfriend was soft. Almost laughing when, apparently, there was something he’d offer to Kokichi more freely than Kaito. And...Shuuichi had felt amazing on the inside, but… 

Kokichi couldn’t...fully look at Shuuichi, though his smile didn’t leave. “...I think it only felt good ‘cause Kai-chan was there too… I mean...I’m not…”

...Shuuichi’s hole was big. Able to take double-penetration like it was nothing--needing double-penetration to feel anything. At least Kaito was on the bigger side--how would Kokichi ever be able to pleasure Shuuichi like that on his own?

“...still, even if you haven’t needed prep in the past, that doesn’t mean you’ll never need it,” Kokichi smiled up at his boyfriend. “I’d rather needlessly feel you up and make Shuu-chan feel nice and ready than assume he’s already good to go. But...I-I mean...if you wanted me to…”

Kokichi’s cheeks burned as his gaze slipped away again, at least able to focus on the task at hand. Settled between Shuuichi’s legs, Kokichi reached under him, at first just running his hands over his ass, getting an idea of his range. Palming the apex of his cheeks, lifting and kneading them a bit…

He’d told off some visitors the other day, catching them commenting that they’d love for Shuuichi to sit on their face, how lucky Kokichi was to get such a thicc hottie to surrogate for him. It had been completely out of line and Kokichi went at them for a good five minutes, but…

...well, Shuuichi did have a great ass. 

Gazing up at Shuuichi adoringly, Kokichi purred as he reached over to take some lube up in a hand, giving one of Shuuichi’s cheeks a firmer squeeze. “If this is what Shuu-chan wants, it works for me. Lets me do this, too.”

Sitting up slightly, though being careful to not jostle Shuuichi, Kokichi kissed the underside of Shuuichi’s cock, just below the head. 

Kaito quietly listened to all of this, and thought about mentioning to the both of them that Shuuichi’s, mmmm...well, he supposed the best word for it was ‘proportions’ had been different, every time Kaito had checked so far. That the constant lubrication and probably some other chemical factors Kaito couldn’t guess about had probably been stopping Shuuichi’s ass from healing itself back into shape, and that a double-penetration would actually probably take way more work next time they tried it…

...but, well, the two were exploring each other already. More likely than not, Kokichi (and Shuuichi, if this wasn’t something his boyfriend had worked out about himself yet already) would figure that out on their own. And, as much as he enjoyed being the ‘knowledgeable’ one, at least when it comes to this incredibly niche subject, between the three of them...he didn’t want to take the fun of discovery away from the two. He liked the idea of Shuuichi and Kokichi learning more and more about their bodies through experimenting with each other, rather than just taking Kaito’s word on everything.

So, maybe he took his time on the fire, more than he necessarily had too, as he listened to Shuuichi’s voice suddenly uptick with some satisfaction.

“Aaaa….h-hah….o-oh, please, right there…” Shuuichi asked, as he felt Kokichi’s fingers push through into his hole and start to explore inside of him, and just by the very nature of what his prostate was like these days, almost immediately finding themselves a spot that shot a rip of pleasure through Shuuichi’s body, causing himself to let out a shaky breath as his ass clamped themselves around Kokichi’s fingers. Not wanting to put any weight onto Kokichi’s thin chest, Shuuichi held himself up, but immediately put his hands up to his chest and face, clutching at his shirt and biting his pinky a little (not hard but...definitely a muscle memory there, playing itself out).

His thighs started to shake. It really seemed like no matter where Kokichi touched, there was another burning shock of pleasure, and Shuuichi struggled to focus, drool building up in the back of his throat as he stared down at Kokichi, cock so close to his mouth as he fingered him...and swallowing hard, he said, “C-can you lick it a little? I-it’s okay if th-thats too gross…”

When Kokichi had finally slipped his hand between Shuuichi’s cheeks and started slicking his hole...it still felt plump. Open. Not the...dripping and almost prolapsed feeling state he’d been in their first time, but not tight by any stretch of the imagination. Kokichi was able to slide a finger in no problem, and the second was quick to follow. 

Kokichi smiled sweetly up at his sweet as clear pleasure started to shoot through Shuuichi’s body. Just like the outside, the inside of Shuuichi’s ass was soft and easily moved against, likely the ring of his prostate, if Kokichi went off what Kaito had explained. While he could probably take a third finger without difficulty, Kokichi stuck with two for a bit, just massaging Shuuichi’s insides, adoring every cry and twitch and shiver above him. 

Beautiful… He saw it in Kaito too, but when his lovers started to be pulled under the tides of pleasure...they were cute and beautiful and Kokichi never wanted to look away. 

In lieu of speaking, Kokichi only gave Shuuichi a wink as he crooked his fingers and gave the outside of Shuuichi’s ass a squeeze with his free hand, immediately leaning himself up to put his mouth around the tip of Shuuichi’s cock. Not around the whole thing--Kokichi hadn’t prepared himself for that yet--but around the side, pressing his tongue up and sliding it firmly along that main artery, delightly feeling Shuuichi’s pulse thump in his mouth as his ass twitched around his fingers.

Shuuichi actually had to cover his face, the sheer fire coming off his face way too much as he stared between his fingers down at Kokichi. “Ah...a-hh, Kokichi…”

Kaito frowned at this, pouting as the fire started to burn, feeding it a little more as he said, “Aw, come on...want him saying my name…”

Shuuichi swallowed hard, wanting to rock his hips into Kokichi’s fingers, but again, extremely conscious of how small and thin his lover was beneath him and, not wanting to hurt him, kept himself steady above him as everything started to shake, Shuuichi taking deep, moaning breaths, interrupted by little hiccups in his breathing as he gasped out as Kokichi sucked against his head, a high, keen sound erupting out of him as he gasped, “O-oh, please, please, please, f-fuck,” 

“Awwww, Shuuichi, are you going to cum without me? I wanna help.” Kaito said, the fire now warmly cackling as he stood up, enjoying feeling the heat of it against his naked frame for awhile before heading over to the bed, crawling on top of it and scooting in behind Shuuichi. As he put arms around Shuuichi’s arms, holding him around his chest (not quite on the spot that he knew caused Shuuichi so much discomfort...but close. Testing the limits), Kaito kissed at Shuuichi’s neck as his boyfriend trembled in his arms, and whispered in his ear, “Widen your legs, handsome. I wanna help too.”

Shuuichi looked back at Kaito and swallowed hard, forcing his shaking thighs apart a little more, though not really certain what Kaito meant to do, just finding himself leaning back a little to rest on Kaito’s shoulders as he kissed at his neck, flinching, another shock of pleasure running through his body as Kaito started that stinging, soothing process of leaving one of his ‘marks’...and then “Ah! AH!”

Shuuichi’s shoulder blades hiked up to his ears as his back straightened and arched, Kaito shoving and maneuvering two of his own fingers in between the fingers Kokichi already had in from below, running hs fingertips on the other side of Shuuichi’s circular prostate. “Fuck! FUCK, oh GOD!” Shuuichi gasped, body convulsing for a second, his body automatically trying to both move away from and further into the force crashing and coaxing pleasure from it, but his body was held still as Kaito kept his other arm wrapped around his chest, still kissing and biting as he said, “Too much? You can tell me to sto-”

“No, no, no, keep going, please, fuck please please please I’m so close-”

Kokichi didn’t really have much room to maneuver, not if he wanted to keep sucking and laving his tongue over Shuuichi’s cock--which, obviously, he did--so his smug look was very much all in the eyes as he heard his boyfriend moan his name. He wasn’t as into the authority stuff as Kaito, but his name? Their feelings likely matched pretty well there.

Enough that Kaito decided the fire was tended to enough and decided to join in. Taking care of Shuuichi, making him feel good...it was something that Kokichi wanted to do in all aspects of their lives together. And...even more when it came to stuff like this. The pollen might’ve brought the intensity of orgasms to Shuuichi, but for everything else that came with sex? Emotional intimacy, the trust in another person, the ability to be so comfortable with your partners that you can burst into laughter easily, able to have fun?

What Nao had done was done. But the future was a lot bigger than the past. 

Kokichi shifted a little, making it easier for Kaito to come close, and, almost as a tribute to his husband, Kokichi took a deep breath, fitting his lips around just the very tip of Shuuichi’s thick, twitching cock and giving it a firm suck. And, feeling Kaito’s fingers join his down below--four fingers in, and still Shuuichi didn’t feel like he was struggling to fit them all--Shuuichi’s jump in volume wasn’t entirely unexpected. Not with how he pulsed rapidly around them, a similar feeling to how Kokichi remembered Shuuichi’s hole their first time, how his body had drawn them in deeper and deeper. 

Taking a brief break from Shuuichi’s cock, Kokichi purred up at his boyfriend. “You’re in good hands, Shuu-chan--we’ll take care of ya. Cum for us, honey-pie.”

Thinking better of it, Kokichi returned his mouth to the side of Shuuichi’s head, grazing his teeth as he scissored his fingers open, squeezing that soft, slick flesh that swelled up in the space opened. 

Shuuichi gasped and moaned, his skin burning red as he struggled to breath through the shocks of pleasure, the edges of his eyes wetting a little as he whined, Kaito’s face buried into the crook of his neck, smiling and kissing against his skin, enjoying the sounds of him as he firmly massaged Shuuichi’s insides. Looking down to see Kokichi encouraging Shuuichi, his husband looking like a minx, Kaito grinned, speeding up the movement of his fingers. 

“Kokichi wants you to cum, handsome. Can you say no to that face?” Kaito teased, biting at Shuuichi’s earlobe for a bit, enjoying that small keen gasp as he did so...before kissing just below his ear and saying, ”It’s okay Shuuichi. We love you...I love you, Shuuichi. Relax, relax, we’ve got you...there you go…” Kaito grinned as Shuuichi’s ass suddenly clenched together tightly over their fingers, his whole body suddenly tensing.

“AhH-NNNNN, oh, oh, please,” Shuuichi grasped onto Kaito’s arm, just needing something to hold, squeeze, as his body finally let him “FUCK, FUCK, AH-H MMMMMMmmmmmnha-hah….ha...o-oh…”

Shuuichi’s body convulsed as the always long process of his orgasm finally started, heat burning sharply out of his cock as his whole body tensed solid, the golden-eyed man closing his eyes as he swallowed hard, over and over again, trying to keep up with the build-up of drool in the back of his tongue and just barely not managing, a small stream trickling out of the corner of his mouth…

Kaito laughed in his ear, kissing his neck, “Don’t forget to breathe, handsome…” he reminded him, Shuuichi not realizing he had been holding his breath until Kaito had said something, taking in a few deep, greedy breaths, shuddering as he felt Kaito gently massage him for another moment before pulling his fingers out...and finally looked down at Kokichi and, “Oh, no...Kokichi!” Shuuichi said, feeling both immensely, immediately guilty and...immediately, nervously chuckling, covering his face again as Kaito peeked over his shoulder to see what he was looking at and immediately started laughing as well, “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

“That...is the hottest thing I’ve seen in awhile.” Kaito snickered, leering over Shuuichi’s shoulder. Just taking in Kokichi’s covered face in aroused amusement. “Looking good, beautiful.”

Kokichi’s heart warmed as he heard Kaito’s kind encouragements. It was fun to tease in bed but...moments like that, particularly with Kaito at the head, soft and loving and guiding…

He loved Kaito so much…

Perhaps, that day in the office… Kokichi had noted to himself how...strangely long and intense Kaito’s orgasm had been that day. And, at that point, he’d seen Shuuichi cum. Maybe they should’ve put two and two together. Maybe that was being too generous and blinded by how powerful hindsight was. 

But, anyway, that wouldn’t be something Kokichi was even thinking about in this moment, because he was a little busy quickly closing his eyes while keeping up his ministrations in Shuuichi’s ass. And while he couldn’t look, not when he could feel an absolute flood of cum splatter over his face, just the sounds Shuuichi was making and how he tensed his body was hot as hell. 

Taking the hand that had remained on the outside of Shuuichi’s ass, Kokichi carefully wiped off the area around his mouth. Normally, he wouldn’t mind getting some of Shuuichi’s cum in his mouth but...if he had to be careful about Kaito’s cum in his ass, then getting it in his mouth couldn’t be much different. 

Snorting, Kokichi grinned up at his lovers, still keeping his eyes shut tight. “Oh, you know it. I can say I’m pretty happy to have Shuu-chan all over me this way too. But...could someone help me to the bathroom? I’d like to be able to see you two again tonight.”

“Oh, Kokichi no, can you actually not see?” Shuuichi gasped, giggling harder now as, his body still twitching and sweating and shocking him as his dick brushed against things, got himself off of around Kokichi, sitting on the bed beside him as he caught his breath, looking guiltily down at him even as he laughed as he reached over to wipe at Kokichi’s eyes with his sleeve. Kaito caught him before he managed, though, just chuckling and shaking his head.

“You’ll just push it under his eyelids if you do that, handsome, trust me. Come on, babe, I’ve got you. Shuuichi, lay back and enjoy your post-euphoria, I’ll take care of it.” Kaito told him, going over to kiss Shuuichi for a second, who did look immensely calmer now then he had before they had all started, watching Kaito scoop Kokichi up with fond, calm amusement as Kaito took him bridal style over to the bathroom. For some reason, noticing Kaito was rock hard as he did this sent Shuuichi into another laughing fit, the ex-detective groaning in guilty chuckles as he laid down in the bed and waited for them to come back, enjoying his high.

“You are the sexiest motherfucker alive right now, ‘Kichi. Just so you know.” Kaito told him, sitting his naked husband down on the sink to before turning on the hot water in the sink, going to grab a hand towel. Waiting for the water to get hot, putting the rag under it, and then waiting for the rag to cool a second, in a careful downward motion, Kaito gently wiped at Kokichi’s eyes, before immediately after every wipe dabbing the eye with the dry part of the hand-towel, to keep the warm water from leaking into his eyes and taking some of Shuuichi’s semon with it. He did this a few times for both eyes, before taking a step back to admire his handwork as he said, “Okay. Try opening your eyes. Are they stinging?”

Shuuichi’s laughs were contagious, and Kokichi found himself giggling a bit too. “I prolly can, but I’m just trying to be safe here. Can’t say I’ve ever gotten splooge in my eyes, but if it’s anything like shampoo, I think I’m just gonna keep ‘em closed until I can wash up.”

Kokichi gratefully laid himself out in Kaito’s arms when he picked him up, half tempted to nuzzle him and rub Shuuichi’s cum all over him too, but...more clean up time, less sexy time, and while Kokichi wasn’t exactly whining in need right now, he was still incredibly turned on and wanted to get back to the bed as soon as possible. 

Laughing a little more as Kaito praised him and took the job of getting a wet cloth, Kokichi snorted. “Noted--I wanna be super sexy to Kai-chan? Get covered in cum.” He sat obligingly still as Kaito carefully wiped his face, though Kokichi followed his arm back up to his body, gratefully cupping Kaito’s cheek and rubbing his thumb over it too. “Thanks, sweetness.”

Carefully, Kokichi squinted his eyes open when Kaito prompted him to, soon grinning up at Kaito properly. “Perfect! Another amazing skill from Kai-chan’s arsenal! Now, I think you deserve a prize for such a wonderful job.” Not waiting for a response, Kokichi straightened up to press a kiss on Kaito’s lips, just barely pulling back to whisper, “I love you, Kai-chan.”

Kaito was being a little bit of a dick, because he had specifically not cleaned up the rest of Kokichi’s face,  wanting to see those wide, amethyst eyes look up at him, his love still covered in Shuuichi’s release...and was immediately punished for his hubris as Kokichi pulled him into a kiss, smearing some of that release onto Kaito in turn, which immediately got Kaito laughing against Kokichi’s lips...before his heart warmed at the little message, Kaito happily kissing him back as he said, “Love you too, ‘Kichi...here babe, let me get the rest off you and we’ll go back.”

Taking the warm washcloth, Kaito made quick work of the rest of Kokichi’s mess, wiping his own cheeks a little before, kissing Kokichi deeply, he picked him up again, “Alright! Let’s go get ours, beautiful! Come on, before Shuuichi gets sleepy on us or something.”

But as Kaito carried Kokichi back to bed, Shuuichi seemed wide awake, and again, just happier now then when they had started, clearly more relaxed now as he watched them return. “You guys are looking better.” Shuuichi said, remarking on them both to not single his poor splooged boyfriend out.

“We always look good. We’re a handsome group. And you came all over ‘Kichi’s face. I think you should make it up to the poor guy.” Kaito said, depositing Kokchi on the bed by letting his husband fall from his arms, his light body bouncing safely against the mattress. “Well, Kokichi? How shall Shuuichi make up his terrible offense to you?”

Kokichi snickered a bit, likely not prolonging clean-up time too much but still getting a little revenge. And, he supposed, he bought himself just enough time to give his hands a wash while Kaito wiped off his own face. They were gonna be getting dirty again all over, but...maybe it was some sort of courtesy to not hold Shuuichi with the same hand that had been lubed up in his ass. 

On the way back, Kokichi happily nuzzled and kissed over Kaito’s face and neck, gleefully getting the chance to before dropping back down on the bed and immediately going to Shuuichi’s side, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Mm, well, some kisses would be a start for sure, bu-u-ut!”

With another kiss to Shuuichi’s cheek, Kokichi looked over at him with a little less of that teasing energy, making it clear that Shuuichi could say no and there wouldn’t be any hurt feelings. “You wanna return the favor? I can say with a certainty that Shuu-chan’s good at getting me ready. And with the fire already going, Kai-chan can join the fun from the start.” He looked between his lovers with something of a question in his eyes, still aroused and excited, but aware that not everyone would still be down with the plan they’d set.

Shuuichi wasn’t like Kaito, in that cumming would actually energize him more than anything...but he wasn’t like Kokichi either, and didn’t feel the siren call of sleep as his body came down from its euphoric high. Instead, he just felt warm and happy as he enjoyed his lover's kisses, wrapping his arms around Kokichi’s waist...and nodded at the proposal. “Yeah, okay Kokichi. Just...let me know if it doesn’t feel right. I know I learned how to do this already, but…” Shuuichi laughed lightly, kissing Kokichi gently, soft, chaste presses against him, before admitting, “You’re so small. Sometimes I worry I’ll just hurt you by accident.”

“He’s actually really more resilient than he looks, though I totally know what you mean. Our first time together, I was so worried I was just gonna, I don’t know...break something or something. And, in my defense, you did stop breathing our first time. So my fears  weren’t entirely unrealistic.” Kaito said, grabbing the condom he had opened up earlier and, checking it over for holes, sliding it onto his cock in one smooth motion as he talked. He frowned slightly at the feeling of it. He actually didn’t mind condoms so much, but...well, he had been spoiled lately. He’d need to get used to it again.

Shuuichi, who had been softly making out with Kokichi again, rubbing his back...stopped and looked in alarm at Kaito, “What!?”

Kaito blinked at this, before saying, “Oh! Yeah, Shuuichi, it was crazy. I mean, you know about the aphrodisiac stuff, but Kokichi had way too much of it, and we had to go to a healer almost as soon as we were done. Scared the shit out of me. Honestly, it was really, really dumb of me to not have noticed something was wrong sooner than that…”

Shuuichi looked over at Kokichi, trying to, and then trying not to, imagine him literally choking on his need and exertion to cum...and reflected darkly on the secretaries. It was a shame, that they had just been allowed to walk away from all of that. Kokichi deserved better than that…

But he sighed, letting it go. Again, some hurts there was just...nothing you could do about. So he kissed at Kokichi and rubbed at his skin and said, “Well...you’re safe now. That’s all that matters.”

Kaito, who didn’t actually totally agree with that sentiment but was willing to fake it by this point in his life, said “Heck yeah! Safe from drug stuff, but not from Kaito-lovin. Here, I really liked that position we had earlier. Can we recreate that for opening up Kokichi? Come on babe, lay back on me. I like holding you close, and Shuuichi would have easy access to you that way.” Kaito coaxed, running his hands up and down Kokichi’s back as he rubbed soothingly at his muscles, inviting him back onto himself.

While Kokichi huffed, he softened it with an affectionate look and another kiss. “I’m small, but I’m not made of glass. I’ll tell you if something feels bad, but as long as you’re not purposefully trying to hurt me, I think it’ll be fine.”

...now, anyway. Kokichi couldn’t hide his grimace and slight flinch, even now that memory of their first time...or, no. The actual sex part of that night had been wonderful. It was just...the knowledge that he’d been drugged, that it was part of some stupid, perverted plan of superiority, that Chisa had told the whole damn castle that they’d made sure that Kokichi lost his virginity to a rape...it still filled him with a sick feeling of shame, even now. 

Letting go of a breath, Kokichi closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Shuuichi. “...still wish we could’ve banished that perverted old bastard too.” He didn’t agree with it...but the highest murder rate across the country was...well, people killing rapists and pedophiles. While Kaito was the one who touched him...it was public knowledge that Chisa had secretly drugged him, and it was pretty normal for a couple to do things on their wedding night. And...while they had no basis to accuse Tengan...he still had a pretty piss poor reputation across Dicea, if not just for being in a leadership position in Luminary, but also because he was an asshole. 

...he would really rather that they just become better people…

(...but it wasn’t a far away thought that if they ever came back to Dicea, people would take up that certain brand of Dicean justice.)

But he didn’t have to think about all that right now. 

Laughing softly, Kokichi obliged his husband and shuffled back to lie against him, turning his head to nuzzle against Kaito’s chest and shoulders. “Never want me far from your lap, hm? It is a pretty sweet place to be.”

Kaito wasn’t thinking much about Tengan. He wasn’t thinking much of anything, beyond just wanting to keep Kokichi close and make Shuuichi feel good. If he was thinking about Tengan, he might wonder where the traveling caravans had gotten to this point. The trip to Luminary wasn’t that long, when you could take the straight path through what had been a battlefield a few months ago. In theory, they should almost be to the capital by now.

If he was wondering about things like that, he might wonder what Byakuya planned to do when the party got there. He had asked his brother not to kill Chisa, worried her death would upset Kokichi...but that didn’t change the fact that Byakuya was trying to wrestle control from Tengan. He was king now. Dad was dead. Certainly it would be easy...but Tengan had allies and connections and a lifetime of experience playing this same political game that Kaito’s brother was trying to re-build from the ground up…

...it didn’t matter. There was nothing about any of that Kaito could do. He just hoped none of it would affect him and his too much.

Besides, if anyone could do it? Byakuya could.

He could do anything.

Kaito pulled Kokichi into his lap as Shuuichi went to grab the lube, coating carefully his fingers in it, as Kaito pulled Kokichi into a kiss, breathing him in and enjoying him, running his hands from the base of his neck, down his chest, down to the start of that happiest of trails and running his fingers down that coarse bit of hair before running his fingertips over Kokichi’s cock. Almost teasingly, he rubbed his fingertips on the top of Kokichi’s head, promising pleasure soon and not quite delivering yet as his other arm, wrapped around Kokichi’s waist, hugged him to himself as Kaito kissed him furiously, not stopping till he could hear those satisfying little pants and half breaths between every kiss. 

“You want me to touch you, right?” Kaito asked, pausing the kisses, pressing his lips against Kokichi’s neck as the smaller prince caught his breath, “Shuuichi to touch you? You want us?” He asked cheerfully, running his fingertips lightly up and around Kokichi’s cock.

Shuuichi just watched this quietly. Not certain what Kaito was trying to accomplish, but...well, Kokichi and Kaito had been sleeping together longer than he had been sleeping with them. It was interesting, watching them focus on each other for a moment. The way Kaito handled Kokichi so different than the way he did Shuuichi. Both somehow more gentle than the rough and playful touches he constantly shoved at Shuuichi, and yet somehow more domineering in his holds and words on the smaller prince. 

It was strange. Like he was a slightly different person, for both of them. Shuuichi didn’t know what to think of it. 

Kokichi kissed back with gusto, easily getting hotter with every skillful touch Kaito gave him. He had to twist a bit to remain sitting in Kaito’s lap, but Kokichi managed to cup Kaito’s jaw, sloping his fingers down right behind the curve of the bone, something that he’d noticed Kaito enjoying before. While he wanted to touch an adore Shuuichi too, for the time being he ran his other hand down Kaito’s chest and abs, softly massaging his pecs and getting a little revenge on his nipples too. 

Though, with Kaito stealing his breath, Kokichi’s hands had to still as he panted, trusting his husband to keep him steady as he leaned his head back, giving more neck to kiss as he reveled a bit in the dizziness that came with this sort of treatment. And, as much as Kokichi trusted Kaito to keep him steady, he also knew his husband would not hold back on taking advantage of all his weak points. 

“O-of course…” Kokichi swallowed, taking another deep breath as the too light touches to his cock made him shiver. “I love watching Kai-chan and Shuu-chan...huhh...be pleasured...but I like when they touch me too…”

Squirming in Kaito’s lap, Kokichi spread his legs and sat back a bit, bearing himself fully to Shuuichi. “This...this position okay?”

Kaito smiled warmly down at Kokichi, (shivering when Kokichi pressed those small, weak spots near his jaw) as his husband put himself into position, before looking up and openly smirking at the look on Shuuichi’s face. It was always so easy to be caught off guard when Kokichi made a move like that, and Kaito enjoyed watching someone else being flustered by his husband's bold, lewd movements. Wanting to take it further, Kaito ran his hands up and down the bottom of Kokichi’s legs, before grasping them lightly, helping Kokichi spread them further as he kissed the top of Kokichi’s head, leering at Shuuichi from over the top of Kokichi’s head as he grinned wide at the look on his face, “Yeah, Shuuichi? Does this work?” He asked, giving his sidekick a wink.

Shuuichi was gonna die. What had he gotten himself into with these two?

“U-um...yeah?” Shuuichi said, actually struggling to look directly at Kokichi, sort of vaguely looking to the left of him as his face burned red. (Kaito couldn’t help but laugh as he saw that. God, fuck, he was lucky...how did he end up with the with the two sweetest, sexiest guys on the fucking planet!? Atua be pleased…) “Um...yeah. Okay. Just...you said you were tight, right? Just tell me if it hurts...um, y-yeah.”

Shuuichi, blushing scarlet, pointedly ignoring Kaito’s affectionate, aroused staring, ran a soothing hand over Kokichi’s ass with his dry hand, wanting Kokichi to feel him coming before they started, not wanting to just spring it on him, before taking his lubed fingers and carefully spreading it around Kokichi’s hole again (he didn’t know if that actually helped anything. It was just what he had done last time and no one had corrected him), before, with just the one finger, carefully pushing in.

And damn, Kokcihi was right. Just one finger in, and there was no immediate give, the skin pulling around his finger as he slowly pushed through. As he did so, being careful and loosening the muscle little by little without tearing or worrying the delicate skin around it, Kaito continued kissing Kokichi’s head, saying lowly, “Look at that, ‘Kichi. Look at his face. Shuuichi looks so focused, trying to get you ready for me...ready to service and be served...I can’t wait to get my cock inside of you. To feel you pressed around me...want to pull happy little ‘Kichi sounds out of you...want Shuuichi to watch me make you scream…”

Shuuichi looked up at Kaito, his face reddening at that and swallowing hard….before saying with a raised eyebrow, “You want me to watch you to make Kokichi scream? That’s kinda dark. You can be kind of weird, Kaito.”

...And that dark, predatory look dropped from Kaito’s face as he just laughed at that, burying his face in Kokichi’s hair as he whined, “Shuichhiiii. Come on, man! I’m trying to set a mood here. Work with me dude. Me and ‘Kichi like this sorta thing. It’s fun!”

Kokichi honestly thought Shuuichi’s reaction was as sweet as Kaito did, though he managed to hold in his giggles this time, only looking at Shuuichi with an adoring look. “Thank you, Shuu-chan. I’ll let you know how I’m doing, but you’re gonna do great. Lovely Shuu-chan, sweeter than honey,” he cooed, sighing happily in preparation when he felt Shuuichi start to press into him. 

It had been a long time. And that was okay! As great as sex felt, where they had all been over the past...what, two and a half weeks now? None of them had been in the right mindset for sex, and Kokichi was happy that none of them had tried. Either them trying to coax Kaito out of his shrine with promises of sex, or him and Shuuichi trying to find comfort in each others’ bodies… That actually wasn’t the worst thing, and there had definitely been nights where their cuddle sessions had included more than a fair share of kisses but… At this point, Kokichi knew himself and Shuuichi too well. Neither of them would’ve been able to get out of their heads long enough to get any sort of real relief.

But now, with things calming down and...nothing really to feel guilty about in the act itself?

Man those two weeks had built up. 

Kokichi kept his breathing steady as Shuuichi started to work him, doing his best to relax and do his part too. And, of course, he wanted to encourage Shuuichi, so he wasn’t silent. Not making those ‘happy ‘Kichi sounds’, but humming and sighing in contentment all the same. 

Until he couldn’t stifle the next round of giggles. Snorting in his particular way, Kokichi turned to press a kiss to Kaito’s chest, grinning up at him before looking forward to smile at Shuuichi too. “It’s okay, Shuu-chan. I mean, since Kai-chan already showed you my weak spots, I think you’ll have me screaming long before Kai-chan even has a chance to get inside me.” He glanced back up at Kaito with a sort of teasing challenge, letting out a slightly louder happy sigh, settling back to enjoy Shuuichi’s fingers in him. “Isn’t that the cycle of mentorship? The student always surpasses them eventually.”

Kaito pouted at that, before huffing, turning his nose up at them both as he said, “See, that’s the disconnect here. It’s not enough to just finger a guy's prostate! There’s…nuance! Strategy! Atmosphere!”

“Ah, I see...so, it’s not enough to just do this then?” Shuuichi asked, before (with the thought of paying back what had been done for him earlier), kneeling down almost entirely onto his stomach and, still carefully moving his finger in and out of Kokichi, trying to press and loosen his walls, he took Kokichi’s dick into his mouth.

He ran his tongue over Kokichi’s head, at first gently, but then pressing, determined to make Kokichi feel as good as Kaito could, even if he couldn’t, ya know...fit. Running his tongue up and down that thick muscle, sucking at the tip...before, mentally preparing himself for that ‘choking’ feeling, knowing he wouldn’t have it in him to do it for long but wanting to try anyway, he started swallowing rapidly, and then ducked his head down, swallowing the tip of Kokichi’s dick into his throat as he, testingly, then firmly, pushed a second finger in, and in a move that Kaito himself had never bothered to try, alternated between which finger was moving, making a little walking motion inside of Kokichi, gently massaging his inside as he hummed into the back of his throat for as long as he could….before coming up for air, embarrassed as he found himself coughing again. 

“Damn…” Shuuichi cursed. He really had, just, no tolerance when it came to his airway. He just didn’t like not being able to breathe like that…

Kaito, in turn, watched all this with wide, aroused eyes...before kissing Kokichi’s ear and whispering to him, “I’m telling ya. He’s gonna be a monster someday.”

Kokichi giggled a bit more at Kaito’s outrage, having fun with this different sort of atmosphere. Though, with all games, you always had to be ready for someone to step it up, and, naively, Kokichi hadn’t prepared at all.

His laughs cut off with a surprised gasp when he felt warmth suddenly envelop him, the quick escalation of friction making Kokichi’s knees shake. And Shuuichi barely left him room to adjust, Kokichi soon moaning and gripping Kaito’s thighs, leaning more firmly back against his husband as he was stretched and sucked upon. 

Really, Kokichi had made that comment in the spirit of teasing competition, remembering how curious (and hands-on in the exploration of that curiosity) Shuuichi had been when Kaito guided him to his prostate. Despite sex being more than just the process of coming to orgasm, there wasn’t much Kokichi could do when either of his loves rubbed that spot inside him that made him mewl and shake. 

He thought something like that was gonna happen again. Not for...damn, well, he should’ve known. He was always forgetting how sneaky and brilliant Shuuichi was. 

Kokichi was left panting by the time Shuuichi came up for air, his chubby cock high and wet with more than Shuuichi’s saliva. He’d managed to cool down just a tad while he was focused on Shuuichi’s pleasure, but that boiling heat was back with a vengeance now. 

Pressing his face against Kaito’s chest as he squirmed, certain parts of his body flushing deeper, Kokichi groaned, “A-ah… Kai-chan has high standards, even when he knows I can’t keep up w-with you guys… Shuu-chan treats me so well…”

Shuuichi gave a small, pleased smile at the praise, looking both happy and a little embarrassed as he lightly kissed Kokichi’s inner thighs, exploring with two fingers. He could actually feel Kokichi’s prostate like this, that small, upturned skin, but understood now why Kaito had insisted on waiting until Shuuichi was three deep last time. It was just difficult to maneuver his fingers well enough to really press and tease it without the space the third finger provided. 

So, he focused on just widening Kokichi for now, walking his fingers along his wall and saying softly, “I like to treat you well...I guess like Kaito said earlier, um...a happy Kokichi’s my favorite Kokichi too.” 

This wasn’t, strictly, true. Shuuichi knew there was always going to be a part of him endlessly fascinated and entranced by the version of Kokichi he had met that very first day he knew him...but maybe it was better he didn’t get to see that side of Kokichi very often. He had grown up watching Maki and Kaito have to stand strong in the face of danger over and over, and had loved them both for that as well. It was a character trait that had saved Shuuichi’s life, growing up, watching people who were stronger than himself use that strength to stand between him and danger. It wasn’t actually all that surprising, that he would value it. But...it was a dire circumstance, apparently, that would make Kokichi show that side of himself.

And he didn’t want Kokichi in dire circumstances, if he could help it.

Kaito, in turn, watched this, enjoying the feeling of Kokichi leaning back on him for support, and...just, endlessly turned on. He could feel his cock swelling in arousal, pressing against Kokichi’s back and, more wanting to touch him more than anything, Kaito let go of one of Kokichi’s legs, keeping him spread wide for Shuuichi with the other one, before putting his fingers in his own mouth, lathering them with spit, before returning to work Kokichi’s nipples between his fingers.

“I actually love just watching you guys cum, if I’m totally honest.” Kaito admitted, grinning down at Kokichi, looking at that flushed, hazy, needy expression with a thrill. “It’s probably a good thing you haven't offered yourself whenever, Shuuichi. Kokichi made that offer to me once, in the middle of one of his hazes, and I’ll be honest...I think about taking him up on it all the time. Just pulling him into corners and working him up and over. Not even getting him naked or getting off myself: just wanting to see that expression on his face as he spills out onto my hands, then trying to continue on with his day as if nothing happened...both of you are such temptations, all the time…” Kaito sighed, running his hand down Kokichi’s front, looking down at him, his expression hungry...before whining, “Shuuichiiii. Are you three in yet? Fuck I wanna fuck him.”

Shuuichi rolled his eyes, “Relax, you horndog. Just give me another minute. Kokichi, I’m gonna push the third one in, okay? Do you still feel too tight for that?”

Kokichi smiled hazily at his boyfriend, getting ahold of himself enough to let go of one of Kaito’s legs, sure he wasn’t so lost to pleasure that he’d hurt Shuuichi when he gently ran his fingers through his hair, praising him through touch as well, a show of gratitude for those soft kisses. Kokichi didn’t tense up as much as either of his lovers did, but he still had to be careful, only letting himself fist sheets. And, well, capes and jackets, he guessed. 

Groaning and quickly freeing his hand of soft blue hair, Kokichi shivered as his nipples were played with again, Kaito’s fantasies stoking his fire. “Sorry, love… Re - ah - lly just...can’t keep up with you… Can manage more than once every coupl’ahhh weeks, though.”

If it weren’t for the fact that he pretty much always needed to zonk out for a few hours after they did anything, sneaking away with Kaito for a bit, like they did in the office that day...it sounded like fun. He did wish he really could go whenever like that long ago offer, but...maybe doing things a little more often would be nice enough. 

Giggling through a moan, Kokichi fit his fingers against Kaito’s in that same reverse hand-holding way. “One more s-seems good to me… I have a feeling Shuu-chan’s gonna get me begging for you both to hurry up soon though.”

As Kaito stared down at Kokichi, eyes clouded with open lust, Shuuichi just laughed softly, saying, “Alright, alright, geez. I won’t make you two wait any longer. Just...give me a moment.”

Kokichi said he was good to go, but Shuuichi couldn’t help but be aware of how tight around his fingers his little love was, and so he was careful as he pushed that third finger in, noting how Kokichi’s ass spasmed and twitched around it, feeling a pulse in there that Shuuichi wondered if maybe it was connected to his heartbeat, or was just some spasm of pleasure working its way down Kokichi’s body. 

He remembered Kaito saying that Kokichi could absolutely get off on fingering alone, and how that could be something fun for Shuuichi to explore someday in the future. As he turned his wrist down, running his middle finger up and down that small, upturned skin, watching Kokichi’s thighs start to shake harder, he thought to himself that he would make a point to explore that in the future. He might not be able to penetrate the same way Kaito could...but he could get Kokichi writhing and mewling and cumming for him in other ways without Kaito’s help, and Shuuichi wanted to explore that someday. Maybe even someday soon.

And...maybe he did want to do that to Kaito as well, someday. Not the way Kaito was hoping for. He really, genuinely believed he’d do nothing but hurt Kaito if he tried to shove himself inside of him. But...it was nice, being on top sometimes. Shuuichi liked the sense of control and confidence it gave him...though being on the bottom sometimes was fun too. Kaito pushing him against the wall, Shuuichi half wanting to beg Kaito to just take him already, to stop just playing with his ass and push inside…

Shuuichi was, he would discover, very firmly a switch. So how lucky he was, to have a boyfriend who almost always preferred to bottom and a boyfriend who almost always preferred to top.

But for now, he just enjoyed moving that middle finger, firmly, quickly up and down Kokichi’s raised skin, watching, fascinated, as Kokichi got louder...started to squirm. His dick, high and pointed towards the ceiling, already dripping, dripping, shaking-

“No, no, no.” Kaito said, suddenly moving backwards, Shuuichi blinking in confusion as, for the second time now, Kaito literally pulled Kokichi away from him, his fingers now only inside him by their very tips. Shuuichi looked up from the sweating, red mess of Kokichi’s face to Kaito, who just gave Shuuichi a knowing look and, grinning, shook his head at him as he mock-sighed, “Why do my loves always try to go on without me? You’re not gonna make Kokichi cum before I’ve gotten mine, Shuuichi. Don’t be greedy.”

Shuuichi found himself genuinely pouting in return, before kissing Kokichi’s thighs again, completely removing his fingers as he said, “I think you’re just feeling jealous.”

“...maybe.” Kaito admitted, smirking down at him, as he put a hand on Kokichi’s back and gently pushed him forward, trying to get him onto his knees, as he said cheerfully, “So I’m a little possessive. I know what I like...and I like what’s mine.” He said, getting up onto his own knees, running his hands up and down Kokichi’s spine as he gently pushed his husband's chest to the bed, before leaning down and kissing at his back. Then, voice more gentle now, he said, “Though, seriously, how do you feel, ‘Kichi? You ready? We can take more time, it’s okay...” he assured him...before biting into his back a little, sucking at the skin.

Kokichi groaned and pressed his head back against Kaito again, thoroughly enjoying being properly stretched out again. It would probably help them out more in the future if he didn’t get super tight again, but, god, the feeling of his lovers working him open, going from barely being able to get a finger in to moving three around without trouble and, of course, the finally of actually getting Kaito’s cock in him… It was a shame that Shuuichi would never be able to fit--Kaito really seemed like he was the limit. 

“Mmnnn… m-maahh! A-ah! Shhhh - ngah!” His prediction coming true, Kokichi would’ve laughed at how quickly Shuuichi found his prostate if he’d had any extra breath to. Instead, he was left mewling and squirming in Kaito’s lap, really relying on his husband now as he pushed into Shuuichi’s fingers, legs shaking and cock twitching. He could really spend hours like this, teased and pleasured and having his world shaken about…

But since their time in the shower, Kaito had been good about not letting Kokichi get too far ahead. 

Kokichi squeaked as the pressure against his sweet spot suddenly vanished, leaving him shaking and gasping, barely there as Kaito started maneuvering him onto his knees. But, thankfully for all their peace of mind, Kokichi turned his head on the mattress, blinking slowly up at Kaito with a deep need in his gaze. “Just get in me already~ I’m not gonna be able to take it much longer...you two in cahoots like this… S’what I get for having super sexy sweethearts.”

Parting his legs a little more, Kokichi adjusted his stance, his back curving in a more comfortable angle while his ass was high in the air, exposed and waiting to be taken. Knowing better by now, Kokichi had to cross his arms under his head to protect his neck, but there was still enough room that he was able to reach out, wanting to hold Shuuichi’s hands.

Kokichi’s face was red and sweaty, his wide purple eyes half-lidded and hazy with lust, but Kokichi still smiled sweetly up at his boyfriend. “...want Kai-chan to fuck me so hard it bounces Shuu-chan too…”

Shuuichi felt another spark of arousal as he reached out to grasp Kokichi’s hands, and realized (with some alarm) that he was starting to get hard again. Fuck...really?? He had been done...but it was too much, watching Kokichi get riled up and pleasured, and being in a position where he could see Kaito preparing to take Kokichi, to push and thrust his boyfriend into the soft mattress.

God dammit. 

“Well, I’ll definitely bounce something so hard that it bounces Shuuichi too…” Kaito mused aloud, looking in amusement at Shuuichi, seeing the conflict on his face and realizing he might actually get a chance to follow through on his earlier claim to make Shuuichi call his name...but that was later. For now, his smaller lover needed him, and Kaito wanted him...wanted him badly. 

Double checking his condom one more time, Kaito rubbed his dick up and down the crack of Kokichi’s ass for a moment, humming contently as his hard, throbbing cock enjoyed the soft feeling of Kokichi’s skin. Then, pulling his hips out, and placing his knees in between Kokichi’s legs and his ankles over his husbands ankles, securing him to that spot, Kaito put one hand on Kokichi’s thin hips, and used his other to guide himself inside, which was…

“Oh, fuck...tight...that’s still so tight….fuck…”

Shuuichi looked up from Kokichi at Kaito in concern. “Too tight? Did I not open him up enough?”

“De...fuh...depends on ‘Kichi...too tight, babe?”

In that moment, Kokichi was probably benefiting from Shuuichi’s distaste of mirrors being involved in bed. The expression on his face was lewd, completely blissed out to the point he was drooling a little. That burning stretch...oh fuck how he’d missed it. Missed feeling Kaito try to squeeze inside of him, slowly but surely making progress as Kokichi’s body relaxed against his girth. 

Letting out a drawn out moan, Kokichi licked his lips, trying to cut off the drool. “Nnnnnnnoooo… Feels good… Kai-chan always feels so good in me...barely fits but does...nmm… Go slow, though…don’ wanna hurt you or me…”

Kokichi squeezed Shuuichi’s hands softly, unintentionally following the pulses of his ass slowly widening up for Kaito.

“Okay, okay...I’ll go slow for my ‘Kichi,” Kaito promised, giving Kokichi’s ass time to adjust every little push he made inside, his body shivering in little bursts of pleasure every time he felt Kokichi’s ass squeeze reflectively around him. He wasn’t really worried about hurting himself during this, but literally any small scratch or tear could make the rest of this session deeply uncomfortable for Kokichi, and there was no real way to fix it once it was done, so Kaito was always so, so careful with this part…

But, as he dug further, it thankfully wasn’t that long before Kokichi’s backside started doing some of the work for him, each little pulse sucking him in a little, and half of the work was just adjusting to the little squeezes and pulses. Once he was a good ways inside, then Kaito started to move back his hips a little, testing as he pulled out a bit...pushed in a bit...pull, push...he listened for any warning signs. Any sudden hiss of breath that wasn’t from pleasure, listened for any sounds of sudden, stinging pain...but Kokichi just hummed and moaned as Kaito felt his way through him, and Shuuichi was staring down at their little lover, holding his hand and fascinated by the expression on Kokichi’s face. 

Kaito could probably trust that if Kokichi was in any pain, Shuuichi would have noticed by now and said something...so Kaito started rolling his hips faster, working his way to get more smoothly in and out of him, pushing in further and further with each roll, until the hips around his groin were bumping into Kokichi’s ass, and Kaito could relax, grinning as he started to slam his hips against Kokichi, the room filling with the sounds of skin slurping against each other and the dull thump of muscles against bone.

And, of course, of Kokichi and Kaito. 

Shuuichi, in turn, watched this, entirely unable to look away. Kokichi, looking entirely unlike himself, drooling and hazy eyed and looking somewhere vaguely in Shuuichi direction but entirely unfocused as his small body rippled and jolted forward every time Kaito thrusted his hips forward, which happened faster and more often as Kaito focused down on Kokichi, his expression hard now, focused, almost aggressive as he rolled his hips harder and harder against Kokichi, sweat starting to pour from his hairline. 

“There...there we go…” Kaito murmured, a ghost of a grin on his face, or, at the very least, a display of teeth as he had full movement inside of Kokichi, holding his hips steady as he pushed as hard as he could...before glancing up at Shuuichi and grinned wide, giving him a wink. Shuuichi staring, enraptured, as Kokichi’s body bounced against the shaking mattress. 

Kokichi let out a long, moaning sigh as Kaito started to move properly, rocking back against him, knowing that it likely wouldn’t last. It was different when Kaito held his hips and...yeah, while Kokichi would prefer to be able to move against his husband too, he understood, yanno, how friction and force worked. 

He couldn’t really say he hated the power Kaito was able to build this way either. 

“Ah, hah, uuugguu...a-ah! Ffffaaa…” Kokichi mewled and writhed as Kaito pounded into him, feeling his thick, throbbing cock dig deep into his ass, occasionally rubbing against his sweet spot and provoking a louder cry. This...he’d missed this so much...his husband inside him properly...snug and warm and…

One of his hands spasmed in Shuuichi’s hand as Kokichi let out a particularly loud moan, not really thinking of much, but instinctually wanting to be close to his lovers still. 

Shuuichi watched, arousal pooling in his stomach again, letting go of one of Kokichi’s hands (but holding his other one tight, scootching in to be closer to his moaning, mewling boyfriend, as he took his own dick into hand and started rubbing at it. In a different mindset, this might have been a little alarming to him: he hadn’t felt the feeling of his already spent dick getting touched and worked up again sincer the pollen. Since her.

...but it wasn’t as alarming, when he was touching himself, watching something so clearly arousing. His need to cum wasn’t coming from literally nowhere: who wouldn’t get aroused again watching something like this? And no one was making him worked up again. No...fucking rod or...some weird, internal fire that would just never die...his body not needing maintenance.

He was watching his boyfriends fuck each other. It was hot.

Natural.

Kaito, in turn, slowed down his pace a little, letting himself catch a breath as he leaned down again, finding another smooth, available piece of skin on Kokichi’s shoulder, and again, glancing up at Shuuichi, seeing the aroused fasciation on his face, bit down. This time he held the bite, moving his hips into Kokichi’s back as he did so, listening to Kokichi’s cries. If he could, he would have said to Shuuichi, “See? He can take it. Our ‘Kichi’s strong…” but his teeth was full of said ‘Kichi, so he just focused on making another dark, bruising mark as his dick was massaged and pressed from all sides of Kokichi’s insides.

He couldn’t help but watch Shuuichi work himself, so close to Kokichi’s head...he wanted to encourage Kokichi to take Shuuichi’s dick into his mouth, but Shuuichi would struggle to fit even there, and being fucked from both ends, by one dick that couldn’t even really fit, was maybe too much for their small lover.

So instead, Kaito took his breaths again (he had to last...had to last...he wanted this…) and practically growled to Shuuichi, “Hey...come here...mirror what he’s doing.”

Shuuichi looked up, surprised. “Huh?”

Kokichi found himself taking advantage of Kaito slowing down as well, taking in deep breaths around his moans, even though after a few rounds he found himself leaning back against Kaito’s cock with a bit more force. Wanting to feel that desperate push and how his insides stuck and sucked Kaito’s dick, always pulling him back in, wanting to keep his husband where he belonged, buried deep inside him…

He cried out in ecstasy when he felt Kaito bend over him, biting him on the shoulder and working to leave a mark, a reminder to the whole world of their love and devotion… Kokichi trembled hard, pushing back a bit more desperately as he buried his face in the mattress, holding Shuuichi’s hand tightly. “Pp-ah~ Pluh-pleash, please, K-kaaaah~! Kai-chan please!”

He just wanted Kaito to bury himself inside him, push in hard and rapidly, rubbing at his insides until he made Kokichi see stars. Kokichi’s legs started to shake more, the pressure building up in his groin, just ever so slightly not enough to make his wet, reddened, chubby and thick with need cock do anything but drip little droplets onto the sheets. It was twitching consistently, wanting to be able to rub against the stomach it had risen to or rut against the bed, but Kokichi wasn’t even closing his legs, just wanting to pleasure Kaito more. 

Really, Kokichi was starting to lose it, just needing the littlest bit more to push him over the edge.

Kaito grinned down at Kokichi, affection, devotion, filling him warmly as he leaned back down, kissing down his back, soft, warm reassuring kisses, as he said, “I’m gonna, babe, I’m gonna, I promise...little more…” before opening an eye, looking at Shuuichi again, something hard there as this time he ordered, “Come here.”

Shuuichi didn’t have to obey. He had never had to obey. But the look on Kaito’s face...Shuuichi swallowed hard and, leaning down to kiss Kokichi’s head, he obeyed, going over to the spot Kaito wanted him, giving Kaito a curious look before mirroring Kokichi’s position, feeling a little exposed in the same position that Kokichi had so eagerly fallen into. Leaning on his own crossed arms, Shuuichi looked over to Kokichi, beside him, and once again found himself entranced by the look on his face. “You’re beautiful, Kokichi…” Shuuichi whispered.

“Right?” Kaito said cheerfully, endlessly pleased to still be so deep into his husband (a land conquered), and then glancing at Shuuichi’s ass, raised and waiting...and cheerfully, determinedly went back to pleasing his husband, Shuuichi’s eyes widening as he watched Kokichi’s body rock back and forth beside him, before hesitantly handing Kokcihi a hand to hold as Kaito rocked violently into his ass.

“Come on, ‘Kichi...cum for me. Show Shuuichi your pretty little ‘O’ face...god, you’re so sexy...I can’t get enough of you.” Kaito praised, his cock reflecting the sincerity in his praise, hard and thick and pulsing between his husband's cheeks. “Cum for me, babe...tell this whole damn castle you’re mine!”

Kokichi gratefully took the offered hand, tilting his head back over to the side to face Shuuichi even if he couldn’t focus enough to actually look at his boyfriend. But it was still nice to know he was there, that Shuuichi loved him and wanted to do something like hold his hand during sex. Later, once Kokichi had calmed and likely after sleeping a while, love would fill his heart from the memory of this moment, and he’d likely cuddle the absolute shit out of Shuuichi. 

But, that was later. 

Right now, as Kaito sped up again, any word that might’ve been coherent came out of Kokichi’s mouth as a moaning wail, just as loud as Kaito could ever want. Mewling and shivering and screaming in pleasure as Kaito railed him into their bed, all beside Shuuichi until-!

Kokichi’s voice broke off in a high-pitched squeak, his flushed face complementing the absolutely rapturous pleasure in his expression as Kokichi’s body practically vibrated, clamping down hard on his husband as he came, shooting up against his torso.

Unlike Shuuichi, and unlike how Kaito had been lately, Kokichi’s orgasms were much shorter, throwing him up into the heavens for a few moments before he came back down, gasping for breath and going weak beneath the overwhelming presence of Kaito, only kept up now by the grip the older prince had.

Kokichi’s hand had gone slack in Shuuichi’s, just for a moment, before shakily stroking his thumb along the side of his hand.

Kaito grinned wide, satisfied with that as Kokichi squealed and wailed, and had to still when Kokichi’s orgasm began, knowing that if he kept going, kept pushing, he’d never make it to do what he wanted to do. He watched, adoring and full of lust, as Kokichi writhed and twisted in his hands for a moment, his legs squeezing together in tension (o-oooh, fuck, breathe Kaito), before his body slowly but obviously started to go limp. His sweet, boneless Kokichi...Kaito loved him like this. Spent and satisfied and barely able to move after taking all the love Kaito could give him…

Kaito, dick still thick and pulsing inside of Kokichi, whose ass relaxed around him as his noises died down to high, soft panting, leaned down and covered Kokichi with more kisses, holding him, dick still deep inside of him, as he whispered, “I love you...I love you, ‘Kichi. You did so well. I’m very happy. Shhh, shhh,” he kissed as the back of Kokichi’s neck, enjoying the soft warmth there, before carefully sliding out of him, saying, “I’m gonna finish, babe. It’s okay. You did great. You were amazing. Watch this, okay? This will make a very pretty memory later.” Kaito promised, kissing him again, before gently lowering his hips down to the bed, letting Kokichi lie down.

Then, his husband soothed and taken care of, Kaito turned those predatory eyes on Shuuichi, and grinned wide. “Your turn, handsome.”

Shuuichi shivered, having guessed by this point that this was what Kaito was aiming for, especially when had stopped before he had finished in Kokichi. And Shuuichi noticed with some humor that Kaito as he moved beside him, took his condom off, tossing it aside. “What?” Kaito asked, grinning wolfishly as he grabbed some more lube, coating it enthusiastically over his dick, and, just to be certain, pushing some into Shuuichi, coasting his walls with it, “You can’t get more pregnant, and you’re already full of spores too. Do you mind? I wanna fill you, handsome. And I want ‘Kichi to watch me do it.”

Shuuichi looked up awarily at Kaito...but his dick was hard, entirely turned back on from watching Kokichi finish, and finally he sighed, spreading his legs a little, “No, I don’t mind, Kaito. Though, you’re not gonna last longer than a second. There’s no way you’re not close.” Shuuichi said, a tease in his voice.

Kaito just grinned at the challenge, said “Just keep your eyes on Kokichi, handsome.” and pushed his way in.

Shuuichi’s prostate never gave him a chance, really. Almost as soon as Kaito was in, his whole body tensed, a shock of pleasure running through him, and it wasn’t helped at all as Kaito instructed him to cross his legs once he was inside, his generous hole pressing tighter around Kaito as he did so, Kaito squeezing his cheeks with his hands around his dick as he began to pump and thrust away into him.  Shuuichi closed his eyes at first, hard, long “HmmMMMMM”’s pulling out of him, before he remembered Kaito’s instruction and opened his eyes, watching Kokichi’s calming, beautiful face as Shuuichi got worked up, panting, one hand desperately fisting at the covers beneath them, “Oh….AH...! AHHHH, fuck, fuck, KAITO! Oh, fuck, fuck, I want to, I want to, please make me, please, please, I wanna cum, pleas-AHHHH KAITO!” 

Kaito literally almost cheered. Shuuichi calling his name was all he had wanted out of this, and with that gotten, Kaito enthusiastically pounded away into Shuuichi, feeling the man shiver and shudder beneath him as Kaito started to pant, looking down for as long as he could focus on Kokichi and Shuuichi, his, his lovers, his men, who he got to see all needy and desperate and fill with mindless, carnal pleasure, and he loved it, he loved it, he loved them, they were his and he wanted to never let them go- “F-FUCK! O-oooh, Shuuichi...ooooooh….mmmmnnnnnnn.”

It was quick, but that was okay. Shuuichi was cumming twice and Kaito had already been fighting his own need to spill inside of Kokichi, and as they both finished a few minutes off of each other, Kaito buried his dick deep into Shuuichi, spilling himself deep inside of him as Shuuichi just groaned, showing Kokichi a pretty decent picture of what he himself looked like when that happened, a hazy, happy look on his face as he stared at nothing, his body shivering and twitching as he felt Kaito’s liquid heat burst inside of him, his own cum coating the covers of the bed, cumming a second time a shocking burst of sharp pleasure. “Ooooh...hah...o-oh, Kaito wai-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Kaito assured Shuuichi, guessing that his boyfriend wanted him to stay inside, but knowing that was just a rush of endorphins talking, Kaito gently pulling out as he pet alongside Shuuichi’s back, kissing him, “Lay down… let me check on you both. Let me see you…”

Kokichi basked in the warm flurry of kisses, enjoying his glow and...for once not worrying if it had been good enough for Kaito. For once, he was secure in the knowledge that...it had been really good, and Kaito was just barely hanging out out of a desire to fuck Shuuichi too. It made the afterglow just that much sweeter as Kokichi idly mused that he wasn’t likely to feel guilty and regretful about this time.

So he laid down without a fuss, giving Kaito an affectionate look and a light huff as he curled slightly on his side, never letting go of Shuuichi’s hand. He’d started it in a haze, but now Kokichi just kept stroking Shuuichi’s hand, looking over at his boyfriend with a fond look. Shuuichi was gonna feel so good...and, lucky guy, he was gonna get to be cum into. 

Even enjoying the aftermath of his orgasm with a very nice show, Kokichi could tell he’d overdone it with his voice a bit, but he still giggled softly. For all of the other issues...at least this didn’t mean Kaito needed a condom. 

“Shuu-chan’s real pretty too…” Kokichi whispered in a coo, a bit late on returning the compliment but meaning it completely. The adoring look on his sleepy face perfectly sincere as he held Shuuichi’s hand, watched his husband bring their boyfriend to ultimate pleasure again. Watching Kaito be satisfied with them both, getting his achievements more than just bringing them to orgasm. His two favorite guys sharing love just as he had a moment ago.

Once they’d finished and Kaito guided Shuuichi down as well, Kokichi didn’t waste time snuggling up against Shuuichi’s side, not caring at the moment about the cum-splattered sheets. Just enjoying the feel of Shuuichi’s skin against his, the warmth of his boyfriend as he lazily draped his arms around Shuuichi’s waist. “Mmm...this was fun…”

Shuuichi sighed happily, this time a little genuinely worn out, throwing an arm around Kokichi as he lazily looked up and saw Kaito start to do this...whatever this was, that Kaito liked to do at the end of sex. Appraisal? Check up? Shuuichi wasn’t sure. But in the three times they had sex, he had learned to recognize the pattern here, and watched as Kaito looked over them, gently kissing bruises and bite marks (double checking that he hadn’t broken skin? Kissing to see if he tasted any blood? Maybe Shuuichi was reading too deeply into it.) and checking on their hips. 

Then he sleepily started to answer his questions.

“No, I’m not hurt. Nothing hurts, Kaito.”

“I am...I feel good. No, I don’t need anything else.”

“I love you too...heh, no, really, I’m good…yeah...I feel good...”

Later, Shuuichi would wonder to himself why Kaito always felt the need to ask. To double check. Maybe he’d ask Maki, if he had done the same thing to her, all those years ago. 

Fuck, maybe he’d ask Togami. Was he still in the castle?

But that was later, when Shuuichi’s little need to poke at information was more at the front of his mind. For now, Shuuichi was just breathing deeply, enjoying the calm coming over his body as he snuggled closer to Kokichi, “Yeah...I like that. It’s nice, when we do this. I like it...even if I’m a pain in the butt to put into the mood.” Shuuichi laughed, giving Kaito a knowing look.

“Maybe!” Kaito admitted, deciding they were both good, before collapsing on the other side of Kokichi, reaching over to kiss his neck, full of love and affection as his hand grasped and rubbed at Shuuichi’s arm, “But toooootally worth it. It always is, with you two.” Kaito sighed adoringly.

Even if Kaito and Shuuichi hadn’t taken long, it was still a minute or two Kokichi had as a head start in calming down from sex and heading towards where he always went afterward. As such, he was a bit lazier in answering Kaito’s aftercare, just humming happily with the occasional murmurs of him being content. 

It wasn’t something they’d run into yet, Kokichi and Kaito (and now with Shuuichi) forgetting themselves and having sex right before something Kokichi had to be awake for, but he was still thankful in a sort of sleepy, bleary way that it was just about bedtime anyway. They could fall right asleep and not have to worry about anything until the morning. He usually tended to shower in the mornings anyway...and no one would come to pick up laundry until later…

Kokichi had been settling in, his breaths getting slower as he cuddled with his lovers, enjoying them on either side of him--ha! He wins the middle again!--ready to fall asleep like that…

Until his eyes snapped open and Kokichi forced himself to sit up, looking at Shuuichi and Kaito with concern. “Did you guys take your meds?”

Kaito burst into laughter, and Shuuichi groaned, burrowing his face into Kokichi’s hair. “Nope. Not yet. Good looking out, ‘Kichi.” Kaito praised as he kissed his husband's cheek, before getting up, “Come on, handsome.”

“But I’m comfortable…” Shuuichi whined, clutching Kokichi close.

Kaito looked down at him and smiled warmly, feeling calm and secure, satisfied with the way the night had gone. “Alright, alright, wait here. Your doses are in the closet, right? Give me a second. And get covered, you two, I don’t want you sick.” Kaito ordered, getting up and heading to the closet.

As Kaito took the tablet out of Shuuichi’s stash of doses, grabbing his cup and heading to the bathroom to get him some water to dissolve the tablet into, Shuuichi undid the covers, encouraging Kokichi to join him under their warmth, pulling the blankets over them and drawing him into his chest, sighing contently...before looking up as Kaito gently shook his shoulder, handing him the glass. “Sit up, drink handsome. All of it down.”

“Okay, okay.” Shuuichi sighed, sitting up and taking the glass, “Thanks Kaito.”

As he drank down his medicine, (ugh. Bitter.) Kaito headed to the bathroom to take his own tablet, swallowing it down, before going back and grabbing the empty glass from Shuuichi, kissing his forehead as Shuuichi relaxed into the touch (Kaito really could be very sweet…) before scooting back into the covers.

The Luminary Prince put the glass away, before putting another few logs into the fire and heading back to the bed, curling in around Kokichi. “I love you guys...I love watching you feel good...I love you so much.” Kaito sighed, breathing in Kokichi’s scent.

-

By the time morning came around, the fire had died down to mostly embers, though there was still plenty of residual warmth circling about the room. Something that Kokichi definitely appreciated, even while unconscious. Through the night he’d fought valiantly to defend his coveted middle spot and...he’d mostly succeeded. 

By the time the first rays of light started to lighten the sky outside of their window, Kokichi had ended up on top of Shuuichi, snuggled into the gap between his head and shoulder. And, never one to be left out, Kaito had shifted over into the space Kokichi had left, holding both his lovers at once.

It was not quite time to wake. Maki would be by before too long, sounding the training alarm, and Kaito and Shuuichi would get up and get ready, sometimes accompanied by Kokichi, sometimes not while he grumbled in bed and got a little more sleep. The latter scenario might be the one slated for today, after how high energy the night had been, though…

Shuuichi was supposed to do his own training with Kaito and Tim in the morning. Walking--or, apparently, more recently, jogging--laps, trying to fit in the exercise recommendations. But...there was something Kokichi wanted to talk with him about...without Kaito…

He was probably going to start setting up his phone meeting with Kaede, asking Ryouhei to leave a message with the Luminary receptor to coordinate the call. Maki was going to be there, obviously, but…

They’d all spoken highly of Kaede. The fact that she wanted to change things in Luminary was a great sign! But...there were a lot of people on that list and...Kokichi wasn’t sure it was necessary. A few months ago he would’ve insisted that none of them were necessary, but...he didn’t know the structure of Luminary. He couldn’t see what the actual roadblocks were, why no one could change things already. It… All those people losing their lives...it might be what needed to be done to start fixing such a broken system. Or...it might just be Kaede finding every other avenue of power so she could ensure that no one would be able to come at her. 

All his friends had spoken highly of Kaede. But the only person to even mention any sort of criticism was Shuuichi. That Kaede could be manipulative. And with Maki being so compromised and biased when it came both to the plan and Kaede herself, Kokichi needed someone there would could catch any strings the princess tried to pull, as well as who would know a little more about Luminous power structures so Kaede couldn’t just insist that this was the only way.

...it was going to be a long talk. Kokichi didn’t think he was ready for it, but he didn’t think he’d ever be ready for it, and the people of Luminary couldn’t wait for that. If nothing else...if he could start a plan to take down the Indentured Citizen Program, that would be such a huge help to people. 

Kokichi wasn’t responsible for Luminary, and trying to take on that responsibility while he was already managing Dicea would kill him. Shuuichi was right. But, people he loved had people they loved being hurt. And on a moral level, Kokichi could not tolerate slavery. So...just that. Just that was something he could do.

Maki had learned early in life that if you wanted everything you needed to get done to actually be completed, the day had to start like everything had a time limit of noon. Things had a way of slowing down in the afternoon that was difficult to start back up again, and so while she was in no way a natural morning person, the dawn of every day bringing with it a frustration in her body at being awake at this hour, she still grit her teeth and got herself up and tackled the morning with all the spite and rage she needed to make up for the lack of caffeine she couldn’t supply herself with until an hour after she had awoken.

Timothy was also up at dawn every day, because Maki wouldn’t let him sleep in any longer than she slept herself, knocking on his door and getting him up and ready for the day. This was fine with Tim, who was a natural morning person. Once his eyes were open, he was up. It was partly what had made him so successful in his military track, where such a character trait was exceptionally valuable, the entire system based around that same ‘fuck you everything needed to be done fifteen minutes ago’ mindframe that Maki lived her whole life around.

In a very real way, Maki and Timothy suited each other very well. Timothy had thrived in that structured, harsh environment. Maki embodied it.

So, Timothy up and getting dressed, Maki headed over to the princes’ (and Shuuichi’s?) room next, slamming on the door. “Training time! Up! Good morning, Kokichi!” she always added in (it seemed like the sort of thing she should say to her employer, who just happened to get caught up in the same rude wake up call his lovers needed). 

Kaito, like always when it came to Maki, was immediately up with a mild look of panic on his face, before he calmed, yawning as he sat up. “Up, Maki!” he called out to her, before reaching over and shaking Shuuichi under Kokichi, absentmindedly petting Kokichi’s hair as he drew his hand back and shuffled out of bed.  “Come on man, it’s training time. Time to…”  Kaito dazed out, staring blankly in the distance, before yawning hard...then chuckling, shaking his head as he stood up, “time to get ready!”

Kaito was, sort of, naturally a morning person. He had been before Dicea, anyway. But Dicea had changed things, and Kaito found it a little more difficult to wake up in the morning now. Still, it didn’t take him long to shake off sleep, and he was off to the shower as Shuuichi…

...look. Shuuichi would never wake up in the morning his whole life, if he could help it. He didn’t have a morning bone in his whole body, and he just groaned as he held Kokichi tighter, trying to, like he tried every morning, roll back over and go back to sleep.

Kokichi huffed something of a sleepy laugh, only slightly awake from Maki’s call and Kaito’s affection but awake enough to find humor in Shuuichi’s ever-lasting distaste for mornings. He knew his morning exercise was important but...there was definitely the temptation to ask for a day off on Shuuichi’s behalf and just spend the morning snuggling for another hour or two until it was time for breakfast. 

He was going to ask Shuuichi to stay a little longer, but he knew that they couldn’t play out that fantasy today. Just...maybe fifteen more minutes to talk before Shuuichi would head down. 

Shifting a little, pulling the blankets tighter around them from where they’d fluffed up from Kaito’s exit, Kokichi sighed, pressing a few sleepy kisses to Shuuichi’s neck. “Nmm… Don’ wanna keep you too long… But can we talk for a sec before you go down to training? I’s nothing bad; jus’...not ready to talk to Kai-chan ‘bout it yet…” he murmured, drowsy but aware enough to only speak that last part when he heard the shower running.

Shuuichi sighed, the sigh turning into a yawn. Then he said, voice entirely dry, “This is how it happens. Now you’re going to tell me Seiko told you I’m double pregnant and have super-cancer and that you don’t think this relationship is working out, right? Always knew that was how this relationship was going to end. A five minute private conversation before training...tragic. Devastated.” Shuuichi said sleepily, not thinking for even a second that Kokichi wanted to talk about anything serious. Without Kaito? Probably just something about his birthday or something…

Then he thought about it and said, waking up a little, “What even would be double pregnancy...oh god, that’d be twins, wouldn’t it. I can’t have twins, Kokichi. I’ll explode. I don’t even know how the first kid’s coming out. It’s a concern.”

And with that Shuuichi was now wide awake. Freaking himself out about c-sections and theoretical twins.

He knew that he’d said one of the worst things to hear. ‘Send me correspondence’, ‘we need to talk’, all those things...and even prefacing that it’s nothing bad doesn’t help much without knowing exactly it is the person wants to talk about. Kaito was in the shower so he probably couldn’t hear them right now but...Kokichi still didn’t want to risk it. If they ended up talking a little longer than his shower, or if Kaito could hear them murmuring and wondered what was up…

Kokichi knew that before he actually made any decisions, he wanted to talk to Kaito. Even...even though it wasn’t fair and Kaito couldn’t talk about Luminary’s problems without jumping through mental hoops, let alone how his loyalty to his brother would factor in. But...it was his home and people Kaito still cared about were deeply involved with the country’s structure. And, yanno, he was his husband. Kokichi wouldn’t be able to live with himself if it ever became more than theory and he hadn’t talked to Kaito about it.

...with some of the options, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to live with himself even if he did tell Kaito. 

Kokichi sighed, feeling the weight of the situation already though he gave a small smile to Shuuichi’s sarcasm. Before widening his eyes at the marvel twins would be. Two kids?!? He didn’t even know how to care for one baby…

With a groan Kokichi rolled off of Shuuichi, immediately glomming onto his side and burying his face in his shoulder, ignoring the slight stinging and ache from his backside. “...Seiko would be able to tell if it was twins, right? There...she could only find one heartbeat so...that’s one kid, right??”

“I don’t know?? Yes??? Seiko is making this up as she goes! We don’t know how despair pollen births go???? I could be having a litter!? How do plants reproduce???? Am I a plant?????”

As Shuuichi started freaking out, Kaito came out of the bathroom with another small yawn, wearing a very small towel and heading to the closet...before noticing a familiar ‘Borderline panic attack’ look on his boyfriend's face. Kokichi was also, in fact, looking very stressed. “Hmmm…” Kaito said, securing his towel to his waist and heading over to the bed, while Shuuichi looked up and gave him a strained, stressed out look. Kaito reached over and ran a hand over Shuuichi’s hair, who immediately leaned his head into his stomach for comfort, as Kaito asked, “Sooooo, what are we talking about?”

“Kaito. What if we’re having twins? I can’t give birth to twins. I’ll die.”

“Right. Okay.” Kaito said, gently massaging Shuuichi’s scalp as he said, “You wouldn’t die, and it’d be amazing if you had twins, but okay. Why do we think you’re having twins?”

“Because I’m a plant??? Maybe plants are prone to having twins??? You both came in me...baby per person? Oh god, what if you cumming in me yesterday means I have triplets!???”

“You are...nooooot a plant?” Kaito decided. He knew the despair pollen stuff made things weird, but… “Or, if you are a plant, then you are the most human plant I’ve ever seen. Sexiest plant too.”

“Sexiness is not the problem, Kaito!”

“Hmmmm….Okay.” Kaito said, leaning down to kiss the top of Shuuichi’s head, “Maki set up an appointment with the baby doctor, right? We’ll write down all these concerns, and ask the doctor when we go see them, okay? But twins or plants or whatever, everything’s going to be okay regardless, okay? You don’t need to worry.”

“Sure...says the guy who's not a plant and isn’t having triplets.” Shuuichi muttered.

Kokichi pressed his lips together as he took in Shuuichi’s frantic questions, not knowing in the slightest how to begin to answer them. There were some decent guesses they could make, but at the end of the day, none of them knew how despair pollen worked. There had already been too many moments where they’d been blindsided by the pollen doing weird things so...who was to say that any guess they could make wouldn’t be totally wrong! He knew that was just how science worked, and that the only way to learn was to see what happened, but that was easier to accept when it wasn’t someone you cared about being...the experiment. 

Kokichi knew that Kaito didn’t have any more answers than either of them did, but… Okay. He was better at putting things into perspective for them. 

Sighing and closing his eyes (he knew he was going to go down a stressful path that morning, but he hadn’t expected this one), Kokichi burrowed into the blankets a little more and reached over Shuuichi to touch Kaito in some way too. 

“...we’ll probably worry regardless...but Kai-chan’s right. At least that worry will give us a lot of questions to ask that OB and...I guess that’ll give them a lot of things to check for. We’ll get answers one way or another, and once we have information, then we can start deciding what to do about it. Trying to theorize without proper information is just mental torture…” Kokichi sighed again with a slight groan before opening his eyes and looking up at Kaito with a tired smile. 

“Good morning, by the way. I know you guys have your routine, but I’m gonna steal Shuu-chan for a little bit for a super secret talk--is that okay?” His gaze softened, knowing that this wasn’t exactly fair either. “Things are alright, by the way. Not that kind of talk.”

Kaito grinned softly at him, still running his hands through Shuuichi’s hair, who, while still looking grumpy, didn’t actually look like he was about to spiral out into a panic attack now, and seemed perfectly content to just sit there and let Kaito keeping running his fingers over his scalp. “What kind of talk?” Kaito asked, genuinely confused what Kokichi was reassuring him about...before laughing, “Break up talk? After last night? Holy shit, how crazy would you have to be to break up with Shuuichi after being fucked that good? Nah, of course not that kind of talk. Y’all can talk about whatever you want, I’ll give ya some space.” Kaito promised, reaching down to kiss Shuuichi again...before forcibly pulling him out of bed as he said, “But, first, Shuuichi needs to get dressed, or Maki will kill me. Come on, handsome!”

“Kaitoooo.” Shuuichi groaned, but allowed himself to be led out. Unlike Kaito (who just...could not usually handle walking out of the bedroom with bed-head and looking anything but fresh and ready to go) Shuuichi didn’t take a shower both before and after training, so Kaito shoved him into the closet, closing the door after him...before looking down at himself and frowning. 

“Wait, shoot. I still need clothes too.  Shuuichi could you-” the closet door opened and Shuchi passed out a full set of clothes for Kaito to change into, which Kaito gladly took, grinning wide, “Thanks, man!”

Getting dressed, Kaito headed over to Kokichi when he was done, taking his head in his hands and kissing him all over the face before saying, “Okay, see you in the office later, babe. Love you. Take a bath with some of the salt stuff if you’re sore, okay? Are you sore? The salt will help...alright, alright, I love you. See you later.” He said, another flurry of kisses, before heading out.

Shuuichi, dressed in clothes he felt okay sweating in, came out of the closet, heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth before coming out, a little more refreshed as he said, “I’m gonna head down in a bit, Kokichi, if you still wanted me to stay and talk. I can be late, they won’t come after me until I miss, like, half of it.” Shuuichi said, knowing this from practice.

Kokichi snorted lowly, awake enough this time to join in on poo-pooing how ridiculous that kind of talk would be. Not just after the amazing time last night had been either. He really loved Shuuichi, everything from his brilliant insight to his always surprising sneaky moments to even his moments of letting his anxiety spiral. Like Kaito had said to him after their first time, the fact he was amazing in bed was just a cherry on top. Kokichi couldn’t think of a single reason he’d even be uncomfortable being in a relationship with Shuuichi, let alone that there was something going on that was enough to want to break up with him. 

(Maybe he could use some of that confidence when it came to Kaito. Not that he wanted to separate from his husband but...even with the sort of talk they’d had about why Togami had come for Kaito… Even with Kaito choosing to stay with him, there was still a little part of Kokichi that believed that Kaito would leave him one day. ...he wasn’t sure if he’d ever really be rid of that part at this point…)

Kokichi basked in the flurry of kisses laid over his face, returning ones here and there when he managed to make contact with Kaito’s face too, lying back down in bed with a soft giggle. “See you later, Kai-chan. I’m okay, don’t worry. Tell Tim I say good morning, okay? Love you.”

He probably would take a bath...later. Even now Kokichi was still feeling lazy, not feeling enough impetus to uncocoon himself from, yes, cum-stained sheets and the blankets around him. And once Shuuichi was ready for the day, he shifted around a little more and patted a clean part of the bed, giving Shuuichi a kind look. “I don’t think I’ll keep you that long, but I’ll be your excuse if you wanna take your time this morning.”

Kokichi gave Shuuichi a mirthful look before he calmed into something a little more serious. “So...I’m probably going to start setting up a call with Kaede soon. There isn’t that much need for secrecy on our side, so it’s not gonna be an issue at all for Maki-chan to join in on it. And...I wanted to ask if you’d come too.”

Shuuichi’s face, which had been half amused and half grumpy before..calmed into a sort of stoic, serious contemplation, giving Kokichi a somewhat wary look as he said, “Is this about the suicide mission?”

Kokichi sighed, giving a sort of half-nod, half-shrug. “From Kaede’s perspective...yeah. But I promised you, Shuu-chan, and I promised Maki-chan too--I’m not sending her to do anything unless I can be completely sure that it’s actually going to help the state of Luminary.”

“What I’m looking for in this call?” He closed his eyes, for the world looking exactly as stressed as this subject always made him. “...I want to find the actual roadblocks of change in Luminary. From everything I’ve learned from you guys, the Togami Corporation is the main one and...I really don’t think killing people is the only way to make them stop. Everyone’s described it as a business so...I’m looking to find out exactly why you can’t just rip up a contract. What business laws give them the right to torture people. If they can only take people who are ‘government property’,” Kokichi spat the term, his forehead furrowing and his voice full of venom at the concept, “then what needs to be done to ensure that no person can be put in that position.”

“...I can’t change Luminary myself.”

Kokichi opened his eyes, looking tired far beyond his age and saddened for the generations of people destroyed by greed. “...for one, change comes from a nation’s people. But to give them that opportunity...it needs to come from the people who’ve built up their own illusion of power in the first place. But...I can ask questions and help workshop and, through negotiations, send certain forms of aid as an ally if I consider a cause just. I want to help make things better.”

“...and I think you might be the only person I know who’ll be able to tell if that’s what Kaede’s trying to do.”

Shuuichi’s sad, stoic features softened slightly at that, as he whispered, “No one’s asking you to fix Luminary, Kokichi...hell, I’m personally in the camp that no one can fix Luminary, period. And Maki just...can’t not do things. Once she gets it in her mind…” Shuuichi sighed. “Sometimes I wish I could just make her forget.”

“But, if you want to talk to Kaede about her plan...ugh.” Shuuichi said, running a hand over his eyes, those golden orbs looking more and more like how Kokichi might remember Shuuichi had been way back when he had first met him. Reserved. Cautious, to the point of being almost blank. A mind whirring away with paranoia and calculations and a borderline anxious wreck trying to keep it together in the face of a world that was constantly challenging his calm.

And intelligence. Not flawless intelligence. Not by a long shot. But intelligent, regardless, as he looked over at Kokichi, thought about things… and said, “Of course I’ll sit in, if you’d like me too. And I’ll...look, I’ll give you one hundred percent my honest opinion and observations on the matter, but I have to stress that I’m not...some be all, end all final authority. People...especially back home, back in Luminary...people just take my word as being true, even if I’m just theorizing aloud. People make decisions based on my theories, and...I just don’t want you to sabotage yourself on bad information, because something I say sounds true when you hear it. I…”

Shuuichi hesitated, wanting to insist more that he...that he just was good at discerning logic puzzles. That was literally all he was raised to do. Observe clues and speak clearly. 

And a lifetime of people literally living or dying on those theories had given the man a complex. He just...didn’t want Kokichi to take his word as the final word on anything. He was doing very elaborate, informed guesses. Like Seiko did...that was Shuuichi’s whole career.

“...anyway. Is there anything you want to know before we end up on that call, I’m assuming today? Questions on Kaede’s character, her relationship with us, other people in Luminary? Any government structure questions? I may not know everything, but I likely have a vague idea of any subject you want to be partly informed about already before you got to Kaede with your negotiations...actually, thinking about it? Same for Byakuya. If calls are available now, it’s really only a matter of time before you two speak, isn’t it?”

Maybe no one could fix Luminary...but Kokichi just straight up didn’t believe that the millions of people who happened to live in a certain part of the continent, and all the billions that would one day live there were doomed to exploitation and misery forever. Maybe it wouldn’t be “Luminary” as they knew it anymore...but there was a way for the people currently suffering under the system in place to find a better life. Many ways, most likely. 

And, knowing that...he wanted to help anyone who may have the will and means to start a change. With his own will and means, that was the basis of humanity. 

Still...Kokichi had an idea of what Shuuichi meant and...he had a feeling that Maki wouldn’t be satisfied with what happened. He had promised that he wouldn’t sit by while people were tortured...and he wasn’t going to. But his version of action was likely different from hers. 

And...maybe to her anger, he would not give his blessings for her to go kill herself.

...god he was tired…

Sighing, Kokichi gave Shuuichi a thankful smile, reaching out of the nest of blankets to hold his hand. “Thank you, Shuu-chan. And I won’t decide everything on your ideas--I just...wanted your perspective there too. The more people you have working on a problem, the closer you can get to an answer that really works. And...you’re someone who understands at least some of the circumstances around everything, and you have different biases than Kaede and Maki-chan. So...yeah.”

Kokichi laughed softly before groaning and making a face, sticking his tongue out in distaste. “I have a feeling Byakuya wouldn’t wanna speak with me for anything but deciding he wants to insult me for a few hours. So...no. I’m gonna say we won’t talk until we absolutely have to for international policy.”

Grumbling more, Kokichi shuffled closer to Shuuichi, pouting. “You know, I had been open to working with him. Said as much as a sort of PS in the first letter Kai-chan ever sent to him when you all got here. But he’s a total dickwad that doesn’t want to work with anyone, and I’m not gonna stick around to be a punching bag, so he can go fuck himself. I hope he overestimates the last step in a staircase and does that little panicky stumble.”

Shuuichi smiled slightly, “Truly, a devastating curse.” he said, leaning his head against Kokichi’s, sighing. Thinking.

…

“Remember how I said just because I say something, doesn’t mean it’s true?” Shuuichi said, staring at his hands. “I don’t know if this will be relevant. I don’t even know one hundred percent if it’s true. But...I know Kaede thinks it’s true. And...I keep coming back to how weird it is that Kaede wants Maki to do this. Maki’s amazing at what she does, but she’s not the only assassin in Luminary, and far from the only capable person in Luminary if your only goal is to murder a handful of people regardless...but she wants Maki. Whose in another country right now, and…”

Shuuichi sighed. Hoping he wasn’t betraying Maki by saying this, but…

“...we’re fairly certain...that Byakuya and Maki may have...been together, at one point.”

It was a good thing Kokichi hadn’t been drinking anything, because the sputter and spit take he had was bad enough with just air. As it was, Kokichi had to bury his face in the blankets for a few moments to cough, having inhaled spit in his utter shock.

Even after he could look back up at Shuuichi, face red and eyes a little watery, he could only sputter barely formed words before getting a hold of himself. 

“I-I, uh, wow, I never want to think about that. But...as horrific as that is…” Kokichi shuddered, shaking his head, “I don’t...really follow why that would make Maki the person Kaede would want for this, in that line of logic. Just to make it more personal? That’s more...vengeance-focused than trying to inspire any sort of actionable change.”

Shuuichi shook his head...before shrugging. “My theory was that, well...again. I don’t even know if any of it was true. If they were together at one point, Maki’s never admitted it to anyone, and neither has Byakuya. Purely circumstantial evidence...but, Byakuya always treated Maki different. Always. She could...argue with him. He wouldn’t just shut her up and send her off, not unless he was really furious. They’d get into screaming matches. The heir-apparent and an indentured...Kaede…”

Shuuichi shrugged again. “Kaede told me once she thought Byakuya loved Maki. Maybe she thinks he still does? Enough to give Maki a real chance to succeed at her mission, before Byakuya would order her death? He does...he does hold back for people he cares about. I mean, the fact that Kaede herself is still alive is proof enough of that.” Shuuichi sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Again. This is just a theory. But...yeah. Kaede might be banking on Byakuya’s reluctance to kill Maki...maybe. I don’t know. Whoever knows with Kaede...with any of them. Momota’s are...difficult…”

Really...Kokichi had trouble imagining anyone treating Maki as anything but the wildfire she was. He knew that wasn’t true. The sort of people that said ‘indentureds’ like they were different from people, and didn’t do it as a learned habit like Maki and Shuuichi did… But the fact that Byakuya didn’t use that sort of abuse (regularly) was...a teeny-tiny point for him in the ‘actually behaving like a person’ direction.

Though… Kokichi wrinkled his nose in distaste. Not for the guess that maybe Byakuya loved Maki--that wasn’t any of Kokichi’s business, really. But...for the type of behavior that he’d seen his Luminaries regard as something good…

...the practice of only treating the people closest to you as humans? It disgusted Kokichi. And even then, how Byakuya treated Kaito at least in the few letters he’d read...his fucking brother that apparently he held above everyone else...still Byakuya treated Kaito like he thought he was an incapable idiot who wouldn’t amount to anything. Kokichi wasn’t a violent person, but for that...god, he wanted to deck Byakuya himself.

Kokichi could feel his heart speeding up, thumping quickly and heavily in his chest, and he had to take a moment to close his eyes and breathe, trying to calm down. “...yeah. I’m happy to be with mine though--kinda lucked out getting the best of the bunch, huh?”

Once he’d calmed a bit, Kokichi opened his eyes again, giving Shuuichi a grin.

Shuuichi sighed slightly, not...mean. Or, not necessarily trying to be mean, as he said, “Sure. We just got the brainwashed one with the massively obnoxious inferiority complex who hears God talk to him sometimes…”

Shuuichi‘s face got tight for a second, frustrated...before running a hand over his face, sighing again. “Sorry, sorry, that was unkind of me...of course we’re lucky to have him. Kaito is...loyal and dedicated and kind. He’s just…” Shuuichi felt a flash of guilt run across his face as he glanced nervously at Kokichi, ashamed to admit this, especially him of all people… “Like I said. Complicated. It’s...it’s not easy, sharing your life with someone like him. I love Kaito. I hope that’s obvious by this point. But...just by the nature of who he is, who his family is, trouble is always going to follow him, no matter what anyone seems to do. We moved to a different country and are still dealing with ‘Momota’ drama…” Shuuichi huffed, leaning his forehead into his palm, looking increasingly frustrated as he actually scowled, “They’re a vicious, ambitious, powerful family, constantly at war with the people around them and each other… even being in their good graces is like sitting in an oven that’s always getting hotter…”

“...sometimes I think that if I had known, when I was ten, what Kaito’s friendship would bring into my life...maybe I wouldn’t have…”

Shuuichi frowned at this...before shaking his head. “Sorry. I don’t mean that. I’m just...complaining for complainings sake. Kaito’s worth the shit that comes with him, of course he is, I just...it’s a lot, sometimes. And I’m maybe feeling the pressure of it a little more clearly right now then I have in the past,” Shuuichi admitted, subconsciously putting his hand over his stomach.

Kokichi sighed softly, expression going sad. Not quite regretful, but something in that vein, and he scooted a little closer to Shuuichi, putting a hand on his leg. “...no person is ever one thing, and in those multitudes, no person is ever completely benign or harmful. I’m not an exception, for as horrible as he seems to me, I doubt Byakuya is an exception, and Kai-chan definitely is no exception.”

“...maybe I’m just a little more biased, a little more hopeful, since I’d been bracing for someone so much worse once I found out about the wedding,” Kokichi dryly smiled. He’d been expecting to be married to a monster that would all but slaughter him as they tried to destroy Dicea. Kaito wasn’t perfect, and he came with his own problems but...he was so, so much better than what Kokichi had been envisioning. Kaito was a kind person at his core, and that counted for a lot even if he had a lot of stipulations to whether he’d act on that kindness. Even if he thought it was morally wrong, he’d said he was willing to abide by Dicean morality. And, well...even if Kokichi did think Kaito would do well in bringing up his ideas to help the kingdom, he didn’t seem to want a hand in leading affairs at all. And even if Kokichi knew that having his ways of thinking challenged was supposed to bring him greater perspective to make better solutions...he did find comfort in Kaito just...wanting to root for him as he worked. 

It was complicated. 

Sighing again, Kokichi gave Shuuichi an apologetic look. “...because of who Kai-chan and I are, Shuu-chan’s not gonna be granted a peaceful life. I wish that was something I could promise you but...I’m selfish, and I want to be a part of your life. And because of that, everything that comes along with being me is gonna hit you too. But...I can promise to do everything I can to keep you safe and comfortable, and I’ll do my best to shield you from all my shit. I can just hope that the good times we have together are worth all the baggage. That’s all you can really hope for with any sort of meaningful relationship, I think.”

Shuuichi leaned against Kokichi, resting his head against the top of Kokichi’s. For someone who just wanted to, more or less, be left alone...he had tied himself to two shooting, burning stars. People who invited chaos and constant attention to themselves. He had barely been given time to think about it. It had all happened so fast...everything had happened so fast…

...he couldn’t say he didn’t regret how this relationship had started. He did. He wouldn’t tell Kokichi that, like he had furiously told Kaito, but he did. Looking back at their first time together made him feel...used. Taken advantage of. He knew they hadn’t meant to do it like that. That they had been helping him. But...he had barely known Kokichi, and had been out of his mind. And Kaito had...decided to share Shuuichi over risking his relationship with his new husband taking care of Shuuichi by himself…

...it was hard not to be angry at Kaito, when he thought about that. 

He just wished he had been sane when all of this had started. He wished he hadn’t been afraid of what his body was doing to itself and grasping onto the life-line they had offered him. He wished he had been himself, un-influenced by the pollen in any way, when he agreed to be in a relationship with them. He wished he hadn’t spent their first few weeks together trying desperately to push Nao from his thoughts. He wished he hadn’t felt so helpless and overwhelmed against it all.

He wished it had been different.

 But...he was invested now. This was something he was doing. And he...he liked the quiet, sweet moments enough to deal with the loud, scary, angry moments. He liked it when it was good with Kokichi and Kaito. He loved when Kokichi treated him gently and kindly, gently touching his face and holding his hands and smiling softly up at him and always so patient with Shuuichi’s fears and dark moods. Always incredibly kind. Like Shuuichi was something precious. Something important. 

He loved when Kaito put strong hands on his back and held him close and laughed like nothing was wrong and assuring Shuuichi didn’t need to worry about anything. Putting himself as a barrier between Shuuichi and the world. Never letting Shuuichi feel like a burden. Refusing to treat Shuuichi’s issues like they were too much, even when Shuuichi was fairly certain his problems sometimes exhausted Kaito. 

He loved them. For better or worse, that was true.

...since he was making wishes anyway, he wished he was strong enough to not take so much comfort in the idea of being protected. Shielded. He wanted to say he didn’t need Kokichi to do that. That he could hold his own...but it would be a lie, and an obvious one at that. So instead he just reached out for Kokichi’s hands and held them and said quietly, “Thank you...I love you, Kokichi. I’m...I’ll try to do the same for you. From my own shit, I mean.” Shuuichi said, kissing Kokichi’s cheek softly.

Kokichi closed his eyes for a moment, looking entirely pleased with the kiss. Happy to hold Shuuichi’s hands and be close like this. Things weren’t perfect and in a lot of ways they weren’t even okay. But they’d make it through regardless and have each others’ backs. And they could hope to come out the other side to a brighter world. 

“I love you,” Kokichi murmured, opening his eyes to look up at Shuuichi fondly. “But as much as I just wanna ask Shuu-chan to come back to bed, there’s stuff we both have to do today. Do you think you’re gonna come into the office today?”

...he really did wish he could just stay in bed. Sleep for ages and hope that things would be better when he woke up, somehow improving without him needing to put any work into it. But...he had work and he needed to put in his call request and he’d still been working up the courage to go to the kitchens by himself and request a few foods for Kaito’s birthday...and, shoot, he needed to find out what day it actually was. He knew it was just after the start of Mid-Fall, and that was clue enough that he’d already put in the commission and orders for a few gifts he’d wanted to get Kaito but...it’d be kind of awkward figuring out when to give those gifts and when to have sweet buns and tomato soup and that Luminous steak dish he’d seen while the Party had been there all happen to show up at the same dinner…

Breaking from the mood, Kokichi looked up at Shuuichi with a bit of urgency. “Hey, what day’s Kai-chan’s birthday?”

Shuuichi blinked.

“13 days from today, on Finalem, 143ALK, After Lextun Kingdom, 0000.” 

He winced. Vision widening. “...my bad. Uh, like, in two weeks, I mean. Little less than two weeks. We doing anything for it?”

Kokichi flinched, rubbing Shuuichi’s hands apologetically. “Sorry...wasn’t thinking…”

With a sigh he shook his head a little, trying not to beat himself up too much--doing so would only make Shuuichi uncomfortable. “I’ve gotten some gifts ready for him but...I kinda just wanted to know so I could...you know. Tell Kai-chan a ‘happy birthday’ when we get up and give them to him on the right day. And request that some of his favorite foods be cooked for dinner that night.”

Shrugging a bit, Kokichi rubbed little circles around Shuuichi’s knuckles. “I know birthdays aren’t really a big deal or anything...but it’s Kai-chan’s first one here. I actually wanna know yours and Maki-chan’s too so I can do the same for you guys.”

“With everything how it’s been… I mean, Harvest’s coming up, but it can be nice to have an excuse to celebrate a little.”

Shuuichi nodded, smiling lightly. “We usually just celebrate by drinking with friends, but nice food and presents would be fun too. I’ll have to think of something to get him. And mine and Maki’s birthdays aren’t for almost another half year now. Maki’s youngest, born in spring. Kaito came the previous fall. Then me the spring before that. When is your birthday, Kokichi?”

Kokichi hummed, putting that knowledge in his memory and trying to get it to stick. He’d ask for more specific dates when it got closer but...six months was plenty of notice time to prepare, even for two birthdays.

“Mm, we just had mine before the wedding--I was born in Mid-Summer. Not Zenith the year I was born, but it does fall on my birthday some years,” Kokichi explained before he blinked, realizing that… “...I know Kai-chan’s almost three years older than me, and you guys said you were all around the same age for going to school and all that but…”

Kokichi gave his boyfriend a curious look. “So...Maki-chan’s 22, Kai-chan’s about to turn 23, and you’ve been 23 since spring? That’s it, right?”

“That’s about the whole of it, yes” Shuuichi nodded, while his author desperately did the math in her head and was like….yes. “Are you wondering how we all managed to be in the same grade? Especially me and Maki, being a year apart?”

Shuuichi did something a little unusual for him...he smirked. Putting a finger to his lips and winking one eye conspiratorially as he said, “Me and Maki messed with the school records to get her allowed into school the same year I started going. She should have still been in a whole different set of classes for the sixth graders, but we got her into seventh with me. I think they knew we did it, but...no one was willing to call out the Assassin and Detective apprentices.”

  That actually wasn’t what Kokichi had been wondering, but he still listened to the answer in interest...and a bit of confusion. Which then led to the form of sadness that he’d grown used to when he learned about Luminary but...he knew better by now than to ask about it. He would just...take the lessons for something even as little as that and apply it to his work in Dicea. 

Grade levels were already pretty loose as it was, especially the further in education you got. Since every student had individual needs and interests that teachers needed to consider, grade levels were more...just to give kids a peer group that they could more easily relate to. Changing classes or even grade levels to find an appropriate peer group was common--which was why it didn’t take more than just bringing the subject up to get Tim set up in the same class as Cali. They were friends, and that was the best reason to have them learn alongside each other. 

Humming a little in interest, Kokichi laughed softly and shook his head. “I’m glad you guys were able to go to school together, regardless of the obstacles in your way. Though, I was more kind of asking since I really had no idea how old you and Maki-chan were. I didn’t even know Kai-chan’s age until we were hanging out and I asked.”

“Oooo...really?” Shuuichi asked, a little befuddled. “We at least got your age before we got here. Kaito asked every question he could think of, on our trip down here. But the Secretaries kept saying they didn’t want to give him any false expectations, so they were really picky about what they would tell him or not. They wouldn’t even let me see a picture of you. And I looked.” 

Kaito had begged Shuuichi to find any information he could on the man he was supposed to marry before they got to Dicea, but Shuuichi had run into dead end after dead end back in Luminary. It wasn’t that the information wasn’t there. It was just well protected, from Shuuichi and Maki in particular, since the Secretaries had known they were who Kaito was going to go to for help. All the info the secretaries had allowed them to find was that his name was Kokichi Ouma, he was twenty years old, he had no siblings and, not only was Heir Apparent, but had literally no competition or replacement for the throne. 

He remembered the uncomfortable look of fear that had crossed Kaitos’s face when they had been told that. The tension that Maki had suddenly had on her shoulders.

He wondered if Kaito had ever told Kokichi that they had come to the conclusion that he must have been a tyrant, before they ever got there. How Kaito had had long, serious conversations with them promising to protect them if Kokichi ended up being a monster. Someone who could, and would, literally kill off all of his competition to the throne.

Cause otherwise, how else could he have been the sole heir?

“We really had no idea what we were walking into before we got here.” Shuuichi remembered, frowning a little. It was so strange that all of that had only been two months ago now. “We had a lot of theories and no way to verify any of them. It was...alarming.”

Kokichi snorted. “Kai-chan was just as surprised when I told him. I was told that I was to be married to the second prince of Luminary, and that his name was Kaito. And...that’s about it.”

Pressing his face into the bed, Kokichi’s gaze slipped away a little. “...to be fair, I didn’t really… I didn’t ask much and...wasn’t always… People might’ve tried to tell me more but…”

He had been furious for a long time when Aiichi had told him that his marriage had been promised away. Kokichi knew that he’d never be able to marry for love, not at first anyway, but...even as the war continued to go on, he had always assumed he’d be married to another Dicean. And he knew that that didn’t mean much, that just because they lived in the same country didn’t mean they had the same values as him but…

Kokichi had thrown himself into his work. Refused to talk to anyone, barely ate, barely slept...and then he’d gotten really sick. And after the fury had come resignation. It didn’t matter who Kaito was because...well, Kokichi’s life was over anyway. 

...looking back, he could admit that he’d maybe overreacted a bit. 

Kokichi sighed, his gaze far away. “...I was scared too, but...at least I wasn’t moving to a new country. I can’t even imagine how terrifying that must’ve been for you guys…” He sighed again but refocused on Shuuichi, squeezing his hand softly. “I know it hasn’t been the best...but I hope you’ll all be comfortable here. For as uncertain things had been...at least for me, it’s just motivation to make communication more clear.” 

Shuuichi squeezed his hand back. “Yeah. With the war done, it’d probably be a lot easier too-”

SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!

“Shuuichi!?” 

Shuuichi’s eyes widened and his shoulders hunched up slightly, before he quickly got off the bed, muttering to himself in some alarm, “Shit, Maki.”

He rushed over to the door, and just managed to open it up before Maki started slamming on the door again, Maki’s face looking furious and extremely worried, though the worried look only lasted a second before she saw Shuuichi standing there, and tempered fully into fury as she said, “What, are we skipping training today? Without telling us!?”

“No, no, sorry, I was on my way down and got caught up talking to Kokichi-”

“I only ask you to check in three times a day, Shuuichi! Just three! It’s an extremely simple schedule!”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry, I was really right about to come down.”

Kokichi jumped at the slams on the door, his heart leaping into his chest for a moment before he realized who it was. Had they really been talking for so long? Kokichi glanced at the clock and...oops. 

Grimacing, Kokichi turned over in bed and gave both Maki and Shuuichi an apologetic look. “Sorry, we did let Kai-chan know that I wanted to talk to Shuu-chan for a sec, but I really let time get away from us… I’ll try to keep things brief if it happens again--sorry for worrying you, Maki-chan.”

It was just...insanely easy to glide from subject to subject when he and Shuuichi talked together. Everything felt like it needed to be said, like everything, no matter how little, was important and engaging… Kokichi knew he liked to talk, but when it came to his friends, he really needed to watch the clock. It was too easy to just let the hours slip by. 

Stretching out in bed, Kokichi finally really noticed how the sheets stuck to his body, his skin feeling grimy with dried sweat and...other things. If nothing else, he needed a bath and...to strip the sheets before whoever was on laundry collection came and did it first. It wouldn’t be anything they hadn’t seen before, and there would still be someone doing the laundry but...it still just embarrassed Kokichi too much. The fewer people who knew anything about his sex life, the better.

Maki’s furious gaze looked over at Kokichi, resisting the extreme desire to cut Shuuichi...but she wouldn’t. She didn’t cut Shuuichi. That was a rule….fuck. “Determined to scare the shit out of me, huh.” Maki muttered, taking a deep breath that helped nothing, before turning her eyes back to Shuuichi again, who just returned her look with tired guilt. 

“You feel alright then?” She asked.

“Yeah.”’ Shuuichi replied. “I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong. Just got distracted.”

Maki narrowed her eyes slightly...before turning. “Come on, then. At least walk a few laps before Tim and Kaito are done. And you’re getting extra exercise helping Kaito walk Tim to school this morning.”

“Yeah, alright Maki...I’ll see you at the office later, Kokichi.” Shuuichi called over his shoulder, closing the door behind him as he rushed over to Maki’s retreating form.

-

The rest of the morning had been pretty normal. Kokichi had taken a bath (salts included) and stripped the bed like he’d planned, and he’d stopped by the scribes’ office on the way to a later than usual breakfast, putting in a request to set up a call with Kaede Momota. Then, it was off to work, making a plan for what to work on for the day with Nadya and getting started on it, briefing Shuuichi and Kaito when they came into the office later, Tim safely off at school. 

It was just...a normal morning. One where Kokichi’s ass was a little more tender than usual, but even that didn’t detract from the normality that much. It wasn’t until that afternoon, when Nadya was packing up and he was finishing the last bits of work did anything start to vary.

Knocking before opening the door, Takashi gave all the residents of Kokichi’s office a charming grin before looking down at his prince brightly. “Hey, Kokichi, we got a response from the Luminary capital. Miss Kaede said that she’ be available tonight at the soonest, or tomorrow afternoon if you need some time. Just stop by the call room when you can, and Ryou’ll get you set up. Ta!”

Kokichi barely got a moment to thank the scribe in his shock. That was...fast. He supposed he should be thankful for the promptness but…

...oh god, he wasn’t ready for this.

Shuuichi, in turn, looked up from the ledgers he was working on, feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed at seeing Takashi again...before giving a tired look to Kokichi. He also wasn’t really looking forward to this, but...for Maki’s sake, this had to be done. She was going to drive herself crazy if they didn’t do something to help her.

Kaito, in turn, was sitting by the window, which he had opened up, and was reading his foster kid book as he said, not paying attention to what Takashi had said at all, “Do you think Tim would be into painting figurines? Reynolds,” the author of the book, “thinks bonding over hobbies you have to do with your hands is the best way to bond with your troubled kid...Tim’s troubled, right?”

“Generally.” Shuuichi said, looking to Kokichi as he asked, “Should I go find Maki?”

“What? For figurines? Nah, I think it’d be fun for me and Tim to go pick out paints and figurines ourselves. Part of the experience, right?”

“No, for...yeah, Kaito. Schools letting out soon, right? If you go now, you could surprise him and take him out a little early, get to the market before it gets crowded and check out the crafting store.” Shuuichi offered.

Kaito lit up at the idea, “Yeah? You think? That’s not, I don’t know...irresponsible of me?”

As horrible as the pit in his stomach was, Kokichi looked up at his husband with a soft smile, just...falling in love with Kaito a little more. After everything that happened, Kaito was putting in a solid effort to connect with Tim more. Yes, the clusterfuck around their own lives was a solid reason to freak out but...they’d drawn Tim into it too, and if they, as young adults, weren’t prepared to handle it, then Tim, an actual child, was just...sent completely adrift. 

...he needed to be better to Tim too…

With that same smile, Kokichi shrugged a little. “It’s just a different sort of responsibility, in my opinion. If you two are going to try to bond while working on a craft? That’s still a form of learning, and, arguably, more important than something he’d be learning at the end of a school day when they’re trying to wrap things up.”

“Plus school’s are really flexible about their hours. It’s not uncommon for kids to come in late or leave early or even go for a bit in the middle of the day, even for the time slot they signed up for,” Kokichi laughed quietly. “As easy shifts make it for scheduling, life doesn’t really fit neatly into infinitely repeatable patterns. And that’s my overblown way to say, I really don’t think picking him up ten or twenty minutes early is irresponsible at all.”

“Well, it’d be closer to an hour if I left now…” Kaito pointed out, giving the clock a worried look. 

“It’s fine. Here,” Shuuichi said, getting up, “Let me walk you down the hall.”

“Wait, uh...what?”

“Yep. Come on. Let’s go.”

Kaito gave Shuuichi a concerned look as his boyfriend gently pushed on his back and started, essentially, herding him out the door. “Come on, come on, no time to waste.” Shuuichi gently, but determinedly, coaxed, taking Kaito out the office and down the hall as he said, “Timothy will really appreciate you wanting to do something with him. Go, go, you’ll have fun. Make me a cool elf figurine or something.”

“Are you... getting rid of me for someth-”

“You’re feeling paranoid. Don’t doubt me. I love you very much, have fun with Timothy,” Shuuichi said, kissing Kaito’s cheek, before pushing him forward, and heading back to the office.

Kaito looked back at him in concern, rubbing the back of his neck...before muttering, “Kay. Love you too.” and heading out.

Getting back to the office, Shuuichi looked over at Kokich, unbothered. “So, are we doing this now?” 

While Kokichi saw nothing wrong in encouraging Kaito to commit to collecting Tim for some father-son bonding time, how Shuuichi did it… Kokichi sighed, giving Shuuichi a worried look when he returned. “...you didn’t have to do that. Like ‘Kashi-chan said, the call, at the earliest is tonight...but I guess getting some preparation done before then would be helpful…”

Kokichi sighed through another groan, rubbing his hands down his face before smacking his cheeks and turning to Shuuichi, looking more determined now. “Let’s go find Maki-chan and let her know, and… On the way, you said you might be able to answer some questions about Kaede? And the authoritative structure of Luminary in general?”

They could likely stop by the scribes’ office and confirm with Ryouhei that that night would work too. Kokichi, at this point, wasn’t sure if there was anything he could to do help Luminary, but understanding their now-allied neighbor would undoubtedly be of some help. Even just understanding the situation better, maybe knowing a little of what Kaede was planning to do, maybe even getting some insight into what Byakuya was planning...it was important to have understanding before acting. Without declaring war on Luminary again, there wasn’t too much Kokichi could actually do...but he wanted to help.

Shuuichi sighed. He really just...wanted to to get the whole conversation over with. Maki was insane, if she thought someone like Kokichi could send her to kill people, and outside of that, none of them had anything to offer Kaede. In his mind, the only point of this conversation was just...working out how to tell Kaede no without Maki losing her mind. Convince Maki to just...stop. Everything else was just letting Maki and Kaede get it out of their systems.

Kokichi now too, apparently. 

As Shuuichi got up, he gave a polite bow to Nadya, before saying to Kokichi, trying to be patient, “Yeah, of course. I did offer. And, I have a fairly good guess where Maki is. She’s been saying she wants to get tips from Katsuki. I think Maki might still be a little pissed at how easily everyone took us down when her and Kaito were trying to kidnap us.” Shuuichi sighed, shaking his head.

Kokichi got the door, telling Nadya a soft goodbye as he held it open for them all, and just...tried not to let his shoulders slump too much. In his eyes, it wasn’t surprising at all that Kaito and Maki hadn’t been able to get far. For one, from what Ikuo had told him, at least, Maki hadn’t been fighting anyone seriously until Tim got involved. And...with a few veterans, and just the castle staff in general...they were a dedicated bunch. All trained specifically, and just through cultural osmosis, to protect people and deescalate situations. 

Gently, Kokichi brushed his hand against Shuuichi’s, asking to hold it as they headed for the stairs. “It was still a numbers game--it’s not like Diceans are helpless when it comes to physical confrontation.”

“...just me.”

...if he hadn’t been so stupid...running into Kaito’s arms like that. Even if they hadn’t known the extent of it, they knew he wasn’t really okay. But Kokichi had just been a huge idiot and now...both he and Kaito had to live with the memory of Kaito squeezing his neck until he passed out. 

Kokichi’s eyes lowered and he swallowed with some difficulty, phantom twinges of pain burning his throat. 

“...so...I guess this isn’t as important compared to everything else, but… Kaede’s married, right? I’ve never heard anyone talk about her spouse, other than Kaito talking about when she got married. Are they...a touchy subject? Like...to the point I shouldn’t ask how they’re doing, or?”

Shuuichi blinked, genuinely surprised to be reminded of Sai. “Oh, right. Kaede’s husband. No, he’s not really a sore subject. At least, not anymore. It’s not exactly a marriage of love, and well...they have been heard to fight sometimes. Apparently Kaede can be pretty quick to lose her temper on him…” Shuuichi shrugged, “But that’s only when he comes out. The guy’s from Novoselic, and has barely left their manor since he moved to Luminary. Total shut in. Exact opposite of Kaede, really.”

“It’s probably not relevant to anything, but Byakuya put Kaede under a lot of political pressure to get married to the guy. The official reason is due to trade agreements, but I’m fairly certain it was to take away her marriage bargaining chip for her own deals with other people. Can’t convince four different noble children to put all their eggs in your basket on the hopes of marriage someday if you’re already tied to someone. She could just have the guy killed someday to get that negotiation point back, that’s always an option, but...well, it would be pretty obvious it was her, since she’s the only one with anything to gain. And having a reputation like that could make people more cautious working with her. Makes things more complicated.”

“...and, also, she’s probably not the type to do that.” Shuuichi added in as an afterthought.

Kokichi frowned a bit, just...something in the back of his mind startling to alarm at that. But...he didn’t know anything about the situation. He didn’t even know the guy’s name. It really could just be that they weren’t compatible in the slightest. 

And if it wasn’t his job to fix Luminary, then he really didn’t have any right to pry into Kaede’s marriage. Even more than not knowing anything about her husband, he’d exchanged one back-and-forth with the princess. They were strangers. 

Still, he grimaced, at least able to show his distaste with the concept of killing your spouse for future political favor. He wasn’t naive enough to decry political marriages, since he had a political marriage, but...really, any sort of gain should be adequate. And having better relations with a foreign nation was one of the best gains you could get. 

“...I doubt that we’ll really discuss him at all, but I’d noticed that no one talked about him. In my first letter to her, I expressed my condolences for her family, but...I didn’t really know who all that was. I guess it’s reassuring to know that wishing her family well isn’t going to touch on a nerve or anything.”

Rubbing the back of his neck and tugging at the hair in the back, Kokichi chewed on his lips a little. “...I really do want to believe that she wants better for Luminary. But...the only thing of substance I know from her plans is addressing the indentured citizen program and...I really don’t know if that’s only...like, a carrot on a stick when it came to recruiting Maki-chan. I don’t expect you to know, but...just from knowing her, would Kaede really be willing to address and change the structure of Luminary? Not just the literal slavery over there, but putting programs in place to prevent any other slavery programs, or things to address the wealth inequality, or equalizing the justice system…”

Shuuichi laughed. He couldn’t help himself.

“What?” He asked, giving his boyfriend a soft look, “Like Dicea?”

Kokichi flinched, ducking his head. “No, I don’t--! I don’t want Luminary to be a clone of Dicea--for one, I don’t think it’s possible, but wanting that would just be declaring another war. I just…”

Kokichi peeked up at Shuuichi, blatantly nervous. “...it hurts, knowing that there are people forced into positions to make horrible choices because their government doesn’t give a single shit about them. That there are people starving and dying...being violated and not having any of the intrinsic rights of being alive. The purpose of a government is to protect its people. Seeing the utter failure of that in Luminary, a-and the consequ...consequences that has for p-people…”

Kokichi stopped on the stairs, his face pale. He pressed his free hand to his chest, having to take a moment to breathe, a wave of light-headedness coming over him. 

When he said it hurt, he didn’t mean it conceptually. Realizing that there were people suffering that badly brought on waves of despair that left the young prince reeling, his chest tight and head spinning. 

“...h...hold on...sh…” Kokichi murmured to his boyfriend, clenching his eyes shut as he tried to steady himself.

Shuuichi looked in alarm as Kokicichi buckled under the weight of Luminary’s problems...literally. Looking around to see if there was any help nearby, Shuuichi reserved himself to being it, kneeling next to Kokichi on the stairwell and drawing him into a hug, rubbing at his back in concern. “H...hey, come on now...it’s okay…” Shuuichi murmured, resting Kokichi against himself. “It’s not your problem. It’s...it’s a whole other world, basically...you don’t have to worry about it…”

Kokichi let himself be supported by Shuuichi, just focusing on breathing. He...he thought he could understand Shuuichi’s selfishness. To survive, you couldn’t care about others. When it was quite literally their head or yours...he couldn’t blame Shuuichi for wanting to live. He couldn’t blame anyone for wanting that.

(Even when he had consistently put himself in the opposite camp over the years. If it was his head or theirs...well, there was surely a way for both, but if there wasn’t then...they should live. Do something better with their life. Use that opportunity to be better and kind to others.)

Still, Kokichi felt hot tears beading under his scrunched shut eyes. “Refugees come to Dicea all the t-time, Shuu-chan...they become my problem then. P-picking up the slack and trying to fix what Luminary b-broke… A-and...what does it matter if it’s far away?! People are still suffering? How does it not hurt? You have people you love there, even. You lived through it. If anything, it should hurt you far more that it would ever affect me…”

Kokichi gasped a few breaths, but remained upright, his chest hurting but not faltering under the stress. If there was someone in pain...how could you not be convinced to do everything you could to stop it? To solve the problem so no one else would be hurt either?

Shuuichi’s shoulders slumped a little at that...but he continued to hold Kokichi and rub his back, resting his head against his.

“...it only hurts you cause you think you can do something.” Shuuichi believed. Genuinely. “And you can’t. And I can’t. And neither can Maki, and by this point? Probably not Kaede either. Things just...happen to people. To us. It’s not moral, or divine, or even fair. It’s a ripple effect of choices people made right in the very beginning whose names we won’t ever know and choices we can’t possibly hope to trace everything back too... It’s purely luck.” 

“You’re either born lucky or you’re not. That’s it. There’s nothing else to it. If you don’t accept that about yourself? About everyone...you end up like Maki, ready to kill herself for nothing, or Kaito, praying to some god who isn’t there and probably doesn’t actually care even if he is for help.”

“The best you can do is make things a little easier on yourself and the people immediately around you. Outside of that? You’re helpless. Everyone is.”

...is what Shuuichi wanted to say…

But he didn’t actually say any of that. Because Kokichi was fighting off an illness in his body that made it hard to tell him things. Unsafe to be honest with him. And Shuuichi was a coward. He wasn’t willing to push the limits to see what Kokichi could handle, like Maki, and wasn’t going to blindly believe in him, like Kaito. He was just going to lie to him. To keep him safe and happy.

So, what he actually said was, “Of course it hurts...and it’s good you want to help. It’s admirable, Kokichi. Just...things like that take time, you know. Time and patience. And...I think Kaede really does want to make things better. So, if you gave her your ideas? How to improve Luminary, and help its people? It would take more of that time and patience, but...I think just giving her your ideas alone would do insurmountable good for everyone back at home…”

“I know…” He did. It’s what he kept telling himself, over and over. It would take time for his friends to really settle into Dicea, to start making friends of their own. It would take time to plan things out with Kaede, and then greater time still for anything to change in Luminary. As much as he wished someone could just make a decision and everything would follow suit, institutional changes could take generations. 

It wasn’t about making the world you could see better. Or, not just that, anyway. It was about being kind to the world and the people around you, and then hoping that you had thought out everything so things could grow in time. When you planted a seed, you couldn’t expect to see it sprout the next day--it took weeks and months of care and attention.

It was just harder to accept that when it wasn’t just about making things better, but making them livable at all. It made it feel like you weren’t doing enough. Like you didn’t care. Like you were giving tacit agreement to atrocity. 

Taking deep breaths that got less gasping with every inhale, Kokichi leaned against Shuuichi’s shoulder. “...that’s all I’m hoping. For things to just...be set on a track for better things. It just…”

Feels like everyone dying and hurting in Luminary were right in front of him whenever he thought about it, screaming at him, accusing him of being just as selfish and uncaring as the rest. It felt like he was drowning, never able to catch a break, clambering for even a single thread of hope...until he wasn’t thinking about it anymore. 

Scrubbing at his eyes, Kokichi attempted to smile. “Really wish I had more compassion than empathy sometimes...ya know?”

Steadying his breath the rest of the way, Kokichi looked away, now just...embarrassed by all of that. “Sorry… Really gotta pull it together before tonight, huh? Don’t wanna embarrass Maki-chan in front of someone she likes so much.”

Shuuichi sighed. As far as he could tell, crisis averted. Good...Kokichi would probably be satisfied in the long run just working out some project agreements with Kaede. It would make him feel useful, like he had actually done something. Not exactly effortless, but Shuuichi could see the finish line for that in the future and took comfort in it.

Kaito just needed to be kept ignorant to the whole thing. The less he knew about anything the better he would feel. So... that was easy enough. It certainly helped that he wanted to be lied to so much. Guy did most of the work for you... 

...damn...Maki though...how were they possibly going to come to an understanding that didn’t hurt her? That she’d be satisfied with? Shuuichi didn’t care at all about what was happening with Luminary, outside a few select people. But Maki? He just...didn’t see a clear path forward yet as to how to help her get past this...there had to be a way though. She was a determined, hardened...bitch of a person, Shuuichi thought nervously to himself, but...she wasn’t invincible. Unflappable. There had to be something that could weaken her resolve. Get her to give up.  It might hurt her to do so in the moment, but in the long run? She’d be better off broken rather than dead.

Just...how?

Shuuichi worried over this, The Boogieman of Luminary trying to work out a way to safely, emotionally devastate one of his closest friends in the world...and, as he worried over this, he held Kokichi’s hand. 

-

Maki just raised an eyebrow at Katsuki. “...I feel like you’ve just found multiple ways of telling me absolutely nothing beyond ‘You just know where to go’.” she accused, glaring at the woman.

Maki had been trying to learn Katsuki’s tracking abilities. She couldn’t get over how the guardsman had gotten ahead of her and Shuuichi when they were looking for Tom and Itch. If Kokichi hasn’t left a sign for Shuuichi to verify his hunch that the area along that road was unusually turned over and wet compared to the rest of the road...they would have rode literally right past them. But Katsuki? Katsuki had gotten there well before they had, and now that Maki was finally calm enough about the guardsman leaving them behind to not lose her shit on the woman asking, she just...wasn’t getting any answers. None that she could learn from, anyway. 

“I am surprised that I managed to find multiple ways,” Katsuki agreed in good humor, not finding any concern in Maki’s accusation. However, the fact was that Maki was trying to learn from what Katsuki had done during Kokichi’s kidnapping, and it was wholly unlikely that Maki would be able to replicate the results. And even if she did, relying on that sort of luck would end up putting more people in danger than if the young bodyguard dedicated herself to vigilance. She’d be better off learning environmental awareness from her friend in that case. 

Growing a little more serious, Katsuki tried to explain what had happened again. “You could easily call what I did blind faith. I did not have any more intel on Kokichi’s location than any of you did. The situation was that Kokichi’s life was likely to be in danger, so I started running, trusting myself to find him. You are not specialized in the same way I am, so you cannot take that chance on luck in the same way.”

Giving Maki a look, Katsuki confessed, “I do not often take that chance myself. It is unreliable compared to observation. I had judged the situation dire enough to warrant placing my success on luck. That is all.”

Maki could feel anger start to burn in her stomach with every damn word. 

Bullshit.

There was no such fucking thing as faith. Or luck. What??? Anyone who told you otherwise was trying to trick you into something. There were merely the results of your own actions and others. And if you were smart enough or strong enough, your actions trumped others. 

Katsuki just didn’t want to tell Maki her method. That was the only possible answer. She wasn’t fucking dumb enough to rely on luck. The woman was an extremely capable guardsman and fighter. There was no way in hell she was actually foolish enough to believe what she was saying. Not with Kokichi’s life on the line. So...fuck…

Maki scowled, looking down at her feet, insulted. A little hurt, honestly… “You can just tell me you don’t want to teach me.” She said bitterly, refusing to look at the older assassin. “You’re not my mentor. I don’t fucking need your guidance. Just tell me straight out next time instead of making up fairytales.”

Katsuki laughed.

Not unkindly or teasing. It was just this little bubble of genuine amusement, highlighting the older woman’s husky voice more than her usual way of talking did. It was a rare sound, and there were many residents of the castle who had never heard Katsuki laugh at all--and they were the only people who even had the chance to. 

Making up fairytales, huh?

Shaking her head a little, Katsuki looked at Maki with some amount of sympathy. “What I have told you is the truth. I am in a unique position when it comes to luck, I will admit, and I would urge you to rely more on methods such as gathering intelligence and being aware of your surroundings. However, you cannot deny the hand luck has in every life.”

“...there is only so much someone can control, Miss Maki. Our own actions, namely, how we react to the world around us. However, because there is no predestined script we all must follow, there is quite a lot that is left up to chance. If I flip a coin, no amount of willing it to be the outcome you want will affect what it will be. However,” Katsuki explained, “We know that on a large enough scale, half the time it will land heads, and half the time it will land tails. That is the understanding we have gained from study. But if I asked you to bet on a single toss, you guessing correctly would be luck, pure and simple.”

“...trying to pretend you can control everything is only grounds for tearing yourself apart when inevitably the odds are not in your favor. It doesn’t matter how hard you try or how skilled you are. It is not any fault of your own.” Her smile dropping, Katsuki met Maki’s gaze with a look that was seriously, and almost scarily blank. “I took the odds that I would find Kokichi. If I failed, then there was a chance he would have died. I took comfort in taking that chance knowing that you all were right behind, making a wager of your own. Luck simply favored us that day, and because of it, Kokichi is still alive. And I can be thankful that the chance worked out.”

“No greater power is out there to save you. Sometimes, you just have to take a chance and hope that luck is on your side.”

Finally looking away from Maki, Katsuki hummed. “It seems that others require your time. Until the next, Miss Maki, I am always happy to train with you.”

Kokichi jogged up to the two women, still a little too pale to be healthy, but breathing steadily and determined to pull himself together. “Maki-chan! Hi, can we talk for a sec?”

Maki was practically shaking. There was a difference between flipping a coin and running in a random direction in the whole fucking world to save your fri-

Maki took a long, frustrated breath as Kokichi and Shuuichi came up to them, clenching her fists once, twice...before sighing. “Of course, Kokichi. Is this a security matter?” She asked. The last security thing the two had discussed was safety measures for the harvest festival. She was in talks with the guardforce to see what their security measures were initially, and was coming up with a plan to fill in the hole they left that she would be presenting to Kokichi soon. She was taking her job seriously. Taking danger seriously… unlike some people…

...pretending she could control everything...who did she think she was….it was so infuriating...of course you could control everything! Someone, somewhere, was always in control. If something bad happened? Something good? It was because someone had made a choice for those things to happen to you. It wasn’t fucking luck that caused Maki to grow up a slave. Her dumbass parents had made some shitty choice and Kaito’s dumbass parents had made some shitty choices and somehow that had all resulted in Maki being sold away. That wasn’t luck. That was sabatoge.

...keep it together Maki....be who you need to be right now. Feel your feelings later. Patience…

Giving a wave to Katsuki as the guard left, Kokichi shook his head before giving Maki an awkward smile. “Not quite. We got a message that Kaede will be available for a call tonight--wanted to let you know. Kai-chan’s gonna being havin’ some hobby-bonding time with Tim, at least for the afternoon it sounds like, but I think it really will just be the three of us.”

Taking a steadying breath, he looked up at her with anxious hope. “Would that time work out for you? Apparently tomorrow afternoon would work too.”

It’ll be okay, it’ll be fine. Just act within your capabilities. Do what you can. Give your trust to others to do what they can. With everyone working together, then change will come. Be patient. 

Maki listened patiently to Kokichi talk, noting with some satisfaction Kaito trying to bond with their kid. That was good….and then her eyes lit up, Katsuki now far from her mind. “...Oh,” she said, a small smile gracing her face. “Really?”

...it was happening. It was really, finally happening…

...she was going to save her family….

Taking a new, invigorated breath, Maki nodded, feeling incredibly reassured as she said, “Yes, of course. Literally any time. As soon as possible. Shuuichi.” She smiled at her brother, something almost smug in her expression. “Finally saw the light? Going to join the fight?”

Shuuichi gave her a tired smile back. “I never intended to just leave you to do this on your own, Maki. If I can help you, of course I will...I just wish you’d temper your expectations…”

Maki waved her hand dismissively at Shuuichi, looking fondly down at Kokichi as she said, “That’s fine, Shuuichi. You’ll just get to be one of the people in the front row-seats for the movers and shakers of the world making history...it’s so exciting.” Maki admitted, something almost joyfully youthful in her voice as she laughed lightly, “Finally...finally. You and Kaede are going to get along so well, Kokichi. She’s just like you.”

Seeing Maki light up like this… If nothing else, it did help Kokichi relax a little in the moment. In a rare occasion, Maki looking happy and at ease, excited… Everyone might’ve thought Kokichi could act like a child, but it was nice seeing Maki looking her age for once. 

“I hope so,” Kokichi laughed softly. “With both of you vouching for her, I can set my expectations that she actually wants to help people, and… I’m just hoping we can find a path forward that will actually start a change. I know it’s a little much for a single conversation but...a start is a start.”

Looking between Maki and Shuuichi, Kokichi gave them each a small smile. “And...I think I do have a few more questions, if that’s alright? I could ask Kaede tonight, but...I think it’d make things easier if I could understand the actual climate and structure of Luminary a little better from the get-go.”

“You’re free to spend the day as you wish, Maki-chan--we’ll come get you before the call--but...do you guys wanna like...get some tea and find an empty parlor or something?” Between his freak out and the cooling air around them, something relaxing like that sounded nice. For both his chest and mind.

Maki nodded, still buzzed and excited by the prospect of the call. They were going to start! They were going to begin! It was happening! It was really, finally happening! “Certainly,” she said, literally overjoyed to have any conversation Kokichi wanted to have, in service to her mission. “Let’s do that. The kitchens make these wonderful little hazel teas...it doesn’t really taste like tea to me. More like some sort of cocoa, if I’m honest. But they swear it’s tea,” Maki said happily, leading the way. 

Shuuichi frowned at Maki’s joy. It was...nice to see her happy...he wished it didn’t take discussions of sending her off to mass murder families they were familiar with to do it…

Nodding in agreement, Kokichi turned to head back inside, thankful he had been wearing a thicker sweater already before he and Shuuichi had gone outside to find Maki and Katsuki. Not even mid-fall and already he had a feeling it was going to be a particularly harsh winter. 

He squeezed Shuuichi’s hand gently as he talked about the tea, familiar with what Maki meant, just sort of rambling about how if you had it as a milk tea it was basically cocoa anyway, taste and texture-wise, and, as he shyly looked up at Shuuichi, had far less caffeine in it than actual chocolate so...maybe if he regularly felt like warming up with some hot chocolate, it would be a good alternative? He hadn’t read as much of the dietary recommendations as Kaito had, but he knew enough that caffeine was something Shuuichi had to be aware of. 

With the weather turning colder, the kitchens had started keeping a big kettle warm at all times, and it didn’t take long for someone to make them the teas, Chako grumbling as she brought them out if they could ask Kaito to try to send word beforehand if he was in the mood for another impromptu cooking lesson. And then it was easy to find an unused parlor, heavier curtains lining the windows and special covers circling the vents, already preparing. 

Curling up in a plush chair, Kokichi sipped from his tea before looking over at his friends curiously. “So...I guess I’ll start with the Togami Corporation… People are sent there to be forced into contracts because they’re considered wards of the government, right? So...wouldn’t you be able to stop any new people from being put into them, at least, by simply declaring that no person can become government or commercial property?”

Maki, drinking her milk tea, and Shuuichi, sipping on his cocoa as recommended, both looked at Kokichi, and then at each other. They both knew the answer to this, but...were a little befuddled as to why Kokichi would ask. Certainly he knew?

So, it was Maki who decided to step in, saying somewhat uncertainly, “...yes? By ‘you’, I’m assuming you mean the head of the state. So, yes, if Kaede was queen, she could, in theory, just declare it illegal to become government property. The head of state can make or change any law they like, any time they like, after all...why?”

For a moment, Kokichi just blinked. There was no...national vote to instate a law? At this point, he kind of figured that, but...there wasn’t even, like, a cabinet vote? A representative vote? If Kaede could change the law at any time if she were queen, then…

“So...what happens to anyone trying to get around the law, then? I assume, as you’ve said before, Shuu-chan, that they’d be imprisoned or executed but...who does that? The people that enforce the law, why do they do it?”

Kokichi pressed his lips together, holding his mug tightly. “If the Luminous leader can make any law they want at any time, then the reason they haven’t fixed anything is because they don’t want to. But...if Kaede does want to fix things, then…” He furrowed his brow, looking from Shuuichi to Maki, unsure. “...then I don’t understand why she’d need anyone killed but Byakuya. And I don’t understand why she’d need you in particular to do it, Maki-chan. From what it sounds like, there are plenty of assassins in Luminary, and, hell, she could even do it herself.”

“For money,” Maki said immediately, while at the exact same time, Shuuichi said, “Because they were told to.”

The two metaphorical siblings looked at each other...and both of them immediately started to gear up. Kokichi accidentally stumbling into an old fight between them.

“It’s purely self interest. A survival trait. If the elites didn’t have the influence of money and power over them, then they wouldn’t obey or go along with this-”

“They would,” Shuuichi argued, sighing as he fiddled with his cup. “Not only would they go along with it, but if we tried to take the power from their masters’ hands, they would fight us tooth and nail to have us return that power to the elite. It’s not self interest. They genuinely believe in the supremacy of the elite.”

“That’s an exception, not the rule! You tell people that their food will still come and they can keep their homes and they’ll accept a new ruling order, no problem. Give them benefits, and they’ll fight for that new ruling order-”

“How can you even say that? You know that’s not true. That’s not even true for Indentureds, let alone citizens who grew up being reassured that all of this was happening for some greater purpose. King Leon gave them almost nothing and people still defended him and the ruling class choices everywhere I went-”

“Because they don’t know any better! If we spread information, showed them a potentially better world-”

“If you believed in that for a second, we wouldn’t be discussing this at all. Why are you-”

“We can’t spread information till the ones suppressing it and controlling the media and the cash flow are taken out entirely! Once we get everyone out of Kaede’s way, she can change the minds of the people!”

“She doesn’t need to change the minds of the people! The people will listen to whatever their bosses say, and will genuinely believe it. She needs to change the minds of the elites! The wealthy and noble class! Whatever they do is whatever their people will do! And she’ll have an easier time leading focusing on that rather than risking people's wrath trying to change who the elite are!”

“The people won’t feel wrathful so long as nothing harms them personally! Doing it all at once means she can do mass replacements at once too! Create a new normal out of the chaos! People will have no choice but to adjust!”

“You can’t get all of them at once, Maki. These are powerful, well connected, well protected people!”

“Kaede thinks I can do it! She’s counting on it!”

Shuuichi growled in frustration. Running a hand over his face before lowering the brim of his hat as he said, “Yes...I just wish I knew why…”

Kokichi looked between Maki and Shuuichi with wide eyes, almost like he was watching a tennis match, though he’d never been to one. But in the face of their argument, he listened. And with the information he got…

...it wasn’t just people who had been through literal mental torture who were brainwashed. It was the entire country. Propaganda and misery forcing people to tell themselves that this was just how things had to be. He...supposed he hadn’t been able to see it since...the only Luminous people he’d ever spent time with had been overtly abused. 

How...how could you try to fix an entire country’s worth of brainwashed people…

If people had been willing to stay in misery just for a slightly better comfort of living...if they had looked at their fellow human beings, people cast out on the street, orphans abducted and tortured, people losing their lives on the hope that things could possibly be better...and they did nothing? They thought that having a paycheck was worth that? Or they thought that was just how things should be?

How… 

All at once all the warmth in Kokichi’s eyes disappeared, locked deep away. His mouth was set in a slight frown, eyes downcast and uncharacteristically cold. 

“...you really have no illusions that Kaede is just playing to your ego, Maki? Or trusting that your feelings for her will stave off any questions you might have?” The tone of Kokichi’s voice was empty. Almost cruel in a sort of way almost no one had ever heard from him before. “It sounds to me she’s just hoping for a blindly loyal aide that will take down a few obstacles before being cut down. Oh, but you’ll be remembered as a fond footnote that everyone else will curse, so that’s good enough, right?”

Kokichi looked up at his friends with eyes that looked like amethysts. Not in how they glittered, but in how they were stone. Devoid of the light that people compared him to. “Get rid of one person, and another will take their place. If no one has been willing to stand up before, then the power vacuum will only be filled by those who have no wish to use that power to benefit others.”

“And I am never going to condone you killing yourself trying to go on a crusade of genocide in Luminary.”

Setting his cup to the side, Kokichi stood, sending one more empty, freezing look to his friends. “Maki, never do anything anyone tells you to, except yourself.”

And with that, he turned to leave.

What had...just happened…

Shuuichi stared at Kokichi in horror. Sure, he...he wasn’t saying anything Shuuichi didn’t agree with. But...there was a reason he didn’t say it and--oh shit, “Maki, no!”

Shuuichi was quick on his feet, putting himself between Maki and Kokichi, Maki’s eyes narrowed, her face lined with absolute fury as she stepped forward, dagger in hand, raising her dagger to throw it into his back. Shuuichi reached out and grabbed her throwing arm, knowing he had to be quick, to just stop her for the second, till she got herself under control, it would only take a secon-

SLAP!

Maki stared at Shuuichi, who put his arms up and around his face, trying to shield himself from more blows. Maki stared at him, furious, for a second...before her face broke, hard, violent features softening into immediate guilt and concern as she said, “Shuuichi, I’m sorry.”

“I’m okay,” Shuuichi muttered, wincing at the ringing in his ear as he said, “Don’t hurt Kokichi.”

“N-no, no, of course not, of…” Maki looked at her dagger...lowering her arm, “...of course not…”

It was unclear if it was a blessing or not that Kokichi had left the parlor just before Maki had hit Shuuichi. Who knew how much heartbreak his heart could’ve taken at that moment? But who knew if that would’ve broken the stone walls that had closed around him, getting Kokichi to stay. 

As it was, though, Kokichi didn’t stop walking once he’d left the parlor. 

The reasonable thing would’ve been to wait and talk to Kaede, getting the opinion of someone who had grown up in and was entrenched in Luminous politics. They’d all told him that Kaede had the trust of the people, after all, so she would know best what the populace would do with every avenue forward. 

But Kokichi wasn’t thinking reasonably. He was barely thinking at all. He just… He was hurt and horrified, and that awful feeling that he’d unfortunately gotten used to, the feeling that made him scared around Kaito and had caused him to go into cardiac arrest that morning he talked with Shuuichi, was like a poison moat around those stone doors. Threatening to rush in if he opened them even a crack. 

So Kokichi kept walking, no expression on his face. Quickly enough that people who knew that non-expression didn’t have time to register it. And, with his new-found freedom, Kokichi left the castle. 

-

“Okay...so, you see, you really don’t need that much paint. Like, you see how much you dipped? You can actually brush some of that off...yeah, like that…”

Timothy looked in concern at the brush. “I don’t even think there’s paint on it now.”

“There is, trust me. Here, you’ve settled on the color? Take one of your figures, and start lightly brushing on the skin...yeah, see? So, we’ll actually make the whole figurine that skin color first, let it dry for a bit, and then start working on the clothes on top of…” Kaito looked up, Maki and Shuuichi letting themselves into Timothy’s room without knocking. 

Maki looked stressed and guilty. Shuuichi...had a mark on his face. And...there was no…

Kaito immediately felt exhausted. A deep, deep down exhaustion. Apparently whatever he had been shooed away for had gone poorly. But, he forced a grin on his face and said, “Hey guys, whats up?”

Shuuichi sat down with Timothy, whose face had grown stony and distant, recognizing immediately that one of the few times Kaito (that anyone, really) had ever tried to make time for him was about to swiftly come to an end as Timothy watched, blank, as Shuuichi asked to see what they had worked on so far. Meanwhile, Maki took Kaito out of the room and…

...Kaito didn’t...really understand. Maki was being vague. But apparently there was a fight, and “Could you just talk to him? I...I don’t trust myself around him right now.”

Kaito thought of the mark on Shuuichi’s face and grinned in exhaustion. “Yeah, Maki-Roll. Okay. Could you help Tim with the figurines? We really had just gotten started.”

Maki had agreed, but when she had gotten back inside, Timothy was already wordlessly putting the figurines away, and seemed disinterested in being talked into trying to paint them again.

Meanwhile, Kaito went looking for his husband.

Kokichi didn’t know where he was headed. Just...away. Muted past desires of running away or disappearing from that world completely were just lurking creatures in the poison moat, not attacking his heart as they usually did. He hunkered down in his sweater and barely minded the cold this time as he walked, trotting quickly along so that if anyone did recognize him, they had barely a moment to register it before he was already out of sight. 

Eventually, Kokichi did find himself coming to a stop. Still in town, but...in an emptier part of it. The garden in one of the sparser areas between the commerce district and a residential zone, farther out from the center of the city… It was a lovely garden. Not as eclectic as the community garden, though it had different kinds of trees and flowering plants. People still came to regularly spend time in it but...usually with a different feeling than anyone went to the community garden with. 

Kokichi had walked about a mile away from the castle, all the way out to the Memorial Garden. 

There was a large stone right at the entrance of the Memorial Garden, polished and taken care of so it looked like it wasn’t affected by the wear of weather at all. And carved into the stone were...hundreds of names. None given any sort of special significance, all displayed equally, carved side by side in countless rows. All residents of Usot throughout the years who had passed on. 

Kokichi didn’t stop by the stone and instead entered the garden, his feet barely crunching on a few fallen leaves. He’d only been to the Memorial Garden a few times, but he could still remember where it was. The deep reddish-purple of the palmate maple tree made it easy to find. Kneeling on the path, Kokichi finally stopped, his blank stare dully unfocused on the small tree in front of him. 

The long, spindly parts of the leaves reminded Aiichi of stars, Kokichi remembered his father saying. He’d thought that Miyako would’ve appreciated having her ashes scattered under earthly stars. 

Kaito had no idea where to look, so he started with the obvious places. 

He checked their room, but there was no sign of him. Then, he checked Kokichi’s office, and Nadya said that he never returned after he left with Maki and Shuuichi. After apologizing for disturbing her, he headed up to the observatory. They didn’t spend a lot of time in there, but it was somewhere they kept meaning to spend time, so maybe…

No luck.

He tried the library. Then asked the archive. No and no. He headed over to the dining hall. There Hajime and Kirumi were. Hajime told him no, he hadn’t seen him, sorry. Kirumi’s eyes narrowed and she asked if Kaito had done something to upset their prince, and Kaito had looked at her and thought to himself ‘I’d remember someone who hated me so much, she was never my brother's nanny’, and left them both to keep looking.

Not at Aiichi’s office. Okay. Not out in the gardens. Not-

“Sure. Prince Kokichi left a little while ago,” the guardsman at the gate informed him.

Kaito twitched. Well..that was going to make this harder… “Do you know which direction he went?”

The guardsman looked alarmed. “I thought we weren’t restricting Prince Kokichi’s movement anymore?”

“You’re not, you’re not, I...nevermind. You did fine,” Kaito assured him, not wanting to place that idea even close to anyone's head. Quickly, he left the gate, heading out into town.

...he...he wasn’t sure where to go from here. Kokichi was angry. Where did...Kokichi go when he was angry?

He’d been out there a while, Kokichi distantly noticed. His nose and cheeks had long since turned pink from the cold, though he’d managed to stave off the same treatment in his fingers, keeping them folded together in his lap. He didn’t really...care about any of this, though. In some ways, he felt like a little kid again, finding some little nook so well hidden in the castle that he couldn’t even hear people looking for him. 

Just...silence. And the wind, but before long Kokichi had grown used to it, so it was as good as silence. 

He wondered if it was peaceful, being dead. At the very least, he hoped his mother’s non-existence wasn’t painful. She’d had more than anyone’s fair share of that before she died.

...he didn’t understand how or why he’d survived being born. It had been so much work to keep him alive after that too--it would’ve been so much easier to just declare it all a tragedy and move on. 

...if so many people had put much in all that effort and love and money and time to keep just...a useless, worthless baby alive… What made Luminaries so different? Why couldn’t they just...be kind?

Kokichi knew about Aiichi’s relations campaign, had helped work on it. Propaganda in its own right, he supposed. A message spread out over the country, pleading Diceans to remember that the war was the result of a few people’s bad decisions, and that it was not the fault of the average Luminous citizen. To not blame the country as a whole for the...countless deaths they’d suffered. The strife and pain spread for fifteen years. Aiichi had pleaded with the people who had placed their trust in him that if there was anyone from Luminary who came to Dicea on vacation, or for work, or on a travel route, or especially for any immigrants...they personally were not at fault for the pain the war had caused. 

Healing would only come through a willingness to be kind and to reach out and understand. Hatred would only cause more pain down the road, and those that sought vengeance should dig two graves. Break cycles of violence and be willing to work for a brighter future. 

...better things only came when people came together to each put in their all. If Luminary wasn’t going to put in any work...if they didn’t want to be helped, and would only fight for their continued enslavement…

Kokichi let out a foggy, shuddered breath, unaware of his growing shivers as the sun began to set. And then he closed that stone wall right back up again. 

...he couldn’t burden his own people for ingrates…

Kaito didn’t know where else to go, and it was getting dark, and it was cold...he was sitting on a bench at the park now, wracking his brain. Not the sweets store. Not Katsuki’s place. Lake hadn’t seen him. No one had seen him. He had asked the guards again. He hadn’t come back. He hadn’t gone to visit the gardener lady.

...Kaito put his head in his hands and groaned, nervous fear wrestling inside of him. “Where could he have gone...where…”

...Kaito saw a flash of an image in his head. Kokichi, curled into the closet, hysterical and clutching onto his rabbit...another flash. Kokichi, screaming, face red and vicious in the garden, screaming that he shouldn’t be alive…

...where was he??

...he didn’t know what else to do. He had tried everywhere. He didn’t know where else to go...so he closed his eyes and said, “Atua, who loves me…please…” His voice got tense, standing up, keeping his eyes closed, “I know you don’t interfere...but you l-love me, right? Please...just once? So that I can look after Kokichi? Please...”

And Kaito started walking.

He walked in a random direction. He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going, though eventually he opened his eyes. It was cold. It was getting very dark. It was dark. The streets were starting to empty, most people done with their day once the sun went down. He got to a part of town he wasn’t familiar with at all and kept walking. He walked past a fence (Turn here.) and turned into it mindlessly, just following his feet.

He passed a big stone covered in engravings, and didn’t even really notice it. He kept walking.

...when he saw him, he almost genuinely collapsed. A sudden, violent rush of relief. He was only looking at him from behind, but he was...okay. Or, not dead, anway. Not bleeding. Just...sitting there, in the dark and cold.

Sighing, Kaito gave a small prayer of gratitude to Atua, (no problem buddy) and, forcing a lightness in his voice, forcing a grin on, he said, “Hey, stranger. You seem chilly. Do you want your personal heater now?”

...if the wall came down, then the moat and all of its creatures would flood in. 

So, instead of melting, instead of running (like a complete idiot, only good for hurting others) into Kaito’s arms, Kokichi continued to sit in front of the small tree, the feeling in his legs long since gone and even the nestled fold he’d kept his hands in couldn’t prevent them from turning red. 

“...you should’ve killed me. Any of the times you nearly did,” was what came out of Kokichi’s mouth instead, though...you couldn’t blame anyone from looking around to see if it had been someone else hiding in the dark who’d spoken. What with that flat, emotionless voice, so different from the way Kokichi’s voice lilted even when he was being serious.

“Things would be better for you that way, right? You could go home, be in a place you understand. You wouldn’t have to do things you think are wrong. No more hearing things you don’t want to hear anymore; you could go back to your little bubble where everything is okay. Don’t have to feel like a monster anymore.”

...

…….

…...was Kaito having a nightmare?

He was briefly, genuinely uncertain he was awake. Kokichi wouldn’t say...he didn’t know that...how could he possibly know that...Kaito stared at the back of his head, guilt wracking him like a violent, bitter ice through his veins. Th-those were...h-he only thought that...h-he d-didn’t…

...he was awake. This didn’t feel like a dream. He didn’t understand how...Kokichi was able to just say aloud some of the worst, most self-hating thoughts Kaito had been having recently . Maybe he had just guessed (with...terrifying accuracy)...b-but that didn’t matter. None of that mattered. 

His husband needed him right now. Kokichi needed him. That was all that mattered. So…

Kaito gripped his fists. A flash of anger in him and leaning on that, away from his fear and guilt and disbelief, as he walked over to where Kokichi was sitting, looking down at him, his breath visible in the cold and the light of warm lanterns as he said to him, “No. I shouldn’t have.”

Glaring down at Kokichi a moment, Kaito huffed, sitting down next to him. “...why would you say something like that…”

Kokichi barely even registered Kaito sitting next to him, feeling about as numb on the outside now as he was feeling on the inside. “Because I’m an obstacle to your own personal happiness. Just another responsibility you never asked for. You always look so tired and resigned when things happen...so. It’s only natural for me to assume that you’d want me out of your way.”

While his nose and cheeks were a bitten red now, Kokichi’s lips were pale. They were slightly parted, the cold air too uncomfortable to breathe in through his nose, even with Kokichi barely registering anything. As so happened, though, Kokichi had been sitting in the cold long enough that, in proper light, the pale spots on his face were slightly tinged blue.

“Or maybe you’re just resigned like everyone else. This suffering is supposed to happen, so why ever take a chance to make things better.”

Kaito looked down at his husband...at his paling, blue skin...how long had he been sitting here…

Frowning, Kaito once again decided to rely on his anger as he muttered out, “Shut up. Come here. God, Kokichi, look at what you did to yourself. I get it, you’re upset about something, but...fucking dammit.” Kaito scowled, scooping up his husband into his arms and pulling him onto his lap, holding him close, trying to warm him with his body.

“...you don’t get to fucking say things like that. Talk like I...said that or something. Stop doing that. Stop putting fucking words into my mouth. It’s not fair.” Kaito growled, holding him close. Just get warmer. He was so shockingly cold against his skin. “You have a thousand reasons to be angry at me. Why are you pissed about the one thing that isn’t fucking true? Obstacle to my happiness...for fuck’s sake...”

Kokichi shuddered as Kaito scooped him up, the immediate warmth from his husband making the slow freeze of his body erupt in painful prickles. Even so, he didn’t move to escape. He wouldn’t get far if he tried anyway.

Even with his small flinches as his blood started to warm up a bit, Kokichi only coughed before he spoke up in that dissonant voice again. “Take your words then. You’re not happy here, but you’ve chosen to stay anyway. You came out here to find me, when you could’ve spent more time with your son somewhere that isn’t cold as hell. Our dedication to ending the war between our countries doesn’t extend this far, Kaito.”

“...why are you here? I can’t imagine you came to pay respects.”

Kaito felt his heart sink. Their...dedication to ending the war? What…

...Kaito felt the back of his eyes burn, and swallowed it down. He wasn’t going to be the one breaking down here tonight. This was bullshit. 

(“I wanna like him.”)

(”It’d be nice if I  married someone I like.”)

(“What’s wrong with wanting that?”)

“...I don’t know where here is,” Kaito admitted, looking around. “I’ve been looking for you for hours, Kokichi. Finally I just started wandering and...hoped I’d get lucky,” Kaito lied. Not wanting to admit he had been hoping his god would guide him. It felt crazy, to admit that aloud.

Kokichi coughed again as another painful tremble wracked his body, Kaito’s heat still drastic enough to hurt. “...i...this is the Usot Memorial Garden… When a resident of the capital city dies, they have their ashes scattered here so their loved ones have a place to visit.”

“...it’s like a graveyard.”

The pinpricks of cold and heat clashing weren’t the only things that were hurting. If the wall was up, then the moat couldn’t flood in. But…

...despite everything, Kaito really was the love of Kokichi’s life. With the pain of being raped and moved around like a toy, of feeling like he was weak and a burden… Kaito had given Kokichi freedom. Maybe just had shown it to him, but no one could deny that things had changed only when Kaito came along. He had given him his first real friendship that Kokichi could accept. 

...or...that’s what he’d thought. 

“...I guess you did get lucky if that was really what you wanted…” Kokichi heaved a sigh, his breath coming out in a cloud. “...everything in the world depends on cooperation… Despite everything else...I really thought we at least had that.”

“...I love you, Kaito. But I can’t tell if I’m just...ignoring the world and acting like a fool to believe that you could really love me back.” A few stones shifted, thawed by his star. Poison started to seep in. “If everyone in Luminary is demanding their own suffering...how could it be responsible of me to assume that you’re not just dedicating yourself to a responsibility you never wanted to the point of ignoring your own misgivings just so you can act as expected.”

“...I hate Byakuya for acting like we paid for you, but with how things are...I practically have to act like we did if I want to honor your own autonomy.”

Kaito winced at that.

“...my people aren’t…” Kaito looked at the ground. Where were their ashes? Everywhere? Were they literally sitting on top of dead bodies… “My people aren’t...wh-why do you do that? Why do you say things like that? They’re not suffering! You don’t know anything about Luminary!”

Kaito didn’t know where he was getting the courage to yell at Kokichi. Maybe it was an aftereffect of his own issues from the last month. Maybe he was just...really mad at him for sitting in the cold until he was blue in the face like a fucking kid having a god damned tantrum...he didn’t know. He was scared and worried and angry, and he said, “Y-you get a look on your face every time Byakuya’s name comes up! He’s my brother, Kokichi, and I love him! You’ve never even spoken to him!”

“A-and, what? You can’t trust I love you? I…” Kaito shook his head, utterly baffled as he said, “I wish I had any idea where that was coming from, because I fucking bet anything it’s not for the reasons I’d be scared you think that. I don’t understand you! I...what the fuck are you saying, sometimes? I don’t have any idea what you're saying sometimes! You just talk in these circles that make me feel so fucking stupid! What about my autonomy?? Why is respecting my...body or whatever? What does that have to do with Byakuya? What does that have to do with me loving you, or wanting to be around you, or...fuck Kokichi, did we have to have this conversation while you’re freezing to death in a literal graveyard!?”

“You do what I say against your own wishes. That’s an infringement on your autonomy. Maki and Shuuichi said I’m basically a new Byakuya to you. After you raped me, Maki tried to force me to exploit her conditioning as a way to tell me that I could exploit yours.”

Kokichi didn’t know what he was doing. He hated the way Luminaries kept secrets but...there were certain ones that he had agreed to keep. And now...he was telling them to Kaito straight out. 

What he was doing wasn’t smart or reasonable. But...in the face of an apparent entire nation of people who were like that to him...he was losing it. 

“If you have no choice but to be devoted to me, that isn’t a real feeling. And me ignoring that and loving you back is just...benefiting from slavery. ...I can’t live with that…”

Kokichi shook, the poison flooding into his frozen heart, drowning him in the bile. Maybe it’d be better if Kaito just got angry and left him there. It’d be better than him pretending that everything was still fine.

“...”

Kaito started to speak. To try to say something.

“...”

Then he grit his teeth.

Eyes burning. Heart pounding, he SHOVED Kokichi off of himself and into the dirt, standing up from the bench, looming over him. Both hands gripped tightly into fists, his breath coming in heavy and outraged as tears, large and hot against the cold of his skin, fell.

“I am not a slave.”

His whole body was shaking. Staring furiously at Kokichi with wet, burning eyes as he said, “I’m not...I don’t care what Maki says. Or what Shuuichi’s always fucking trying to hint at like I-I’m some f-fucking puppy he can train with treats and pats! I don’t give a shit what Byakuya calls it or what Tengan was trying to do! I’m not a fucking slave!”

“M-my fucking...feelings aren’t some...they’re wrong! They’re all wrong! No one wants to believe me! Everyone would r-r-rather say I’m some fucking puppet or something, than just accept that I love my brother! Despite it all! Despite everything! S-sure I-I-I can’t...th-think certain things in...in certain ways o-or...I can’t...I can’t...sometimes I have to listen…” Kaito admitted, worrying his knuckles. His whole body trembling. “M-m-maybe sometimes that’s true...but my feelings are fucking mine! How dare you suggest...fuck, Kokichi!” Kaito shouted, turning around and kicking the bench. The wood splintering slightly as he did so.

Kokichi hit the ground with a slight, “ooph!” but otherwise he just stayed there, sprawled out on the cold earth, looking up at Kaito with that same stony expression. Even as his heart screamed in pain, writhing for all the hurt and injustice his husband had to suffer. Sobbing for having to have this awful conversation. 

Maybe it was some form of odd irony. For as much as Kokichi called himself a liar, both his own ethics and those of his country...they insisted on bringing painful truths to the forefront. Maybe they could’ve lived happier never talking about this...but Kokichi couldn’t do that. If not blurting it out in the midst of one of the worst mental breakdowns he’d ever had then...someday.

“...I wish I could trust that,” Kokichi half-rasped. Staring blankly up at the sky, his own star flaming much closer than those. “Maybe even with everything he and that bastard did to you--and you are right. I don’t know what it actually is they did--you could still love him. Love doesn’t care if the person it's for has hurt you. But with how devotion training was explained to me...those feelings might be real, but you never had a choice to want to feel them in the first place.”

“You can’t think things in certain ways. If we say it urgently enough, you have to do what both I and Byakuya say, though I have a feeling that if he told you to do something that contradicted what I said, you’d follow his word still. You can’t stand to hear anyone criticize him, even jokingly, and even try to defend against the fact that he’s a raging asshole who would have thousands slaughtered in your name, and then immediately go around and tell strangers that you’re incapable. He killed your parents, and you can’t even be angry at him for it.”

“...that’s abuse. How you got there was torture. And I would rather die than be a part of it.”

Kaito was shaking. How did this happen? How did this day come to this? Hadn’t he been being good lately?! He was learning to cook and taking care of his kid and watching over Shuuichi and trying so, so hard to show Kokichi love every single fucking day, to make up for his mistakes, and now, instead of Kokichi being angry at his rape, o-or his neck, or how Kaito struggled so hard to accept Dicean morality...now, it was Kaito doesn’t love him, b-be-because he just fucking can’t!? He wasn’t fucking capable of it!?

“...th-this isn’t fair, Kokichi. How the fuck am I supposed to argue...I have reasons for all that shit! All of it! You’re the one who never wants to talk with me about anything! Because everything I say makes you so fucking sad, right!? Because nothing I say is fucking real, so of course how I feel about anything doesn’t matter! Do you have any idea how hard it is to talk to people when they think y-you’re just saying where you’re told all the time!? No one…” Kaito ran a hand through his hair, struggling. How could you...how could you talk to or reassure someone who thought you were just some...brainwashed puppet or-

Some dog? Less than human...no one believed him about anything. Not even Byakuya believed Kaito’s devotion was sincere. He treated him like, like, like Kaito couldn’t even think unless Byakuya told him to. He wasn’t brainwashed! He had reasons for everything he did! No one just...believed they were his reasons and..

“...so, what?...” Kaito asked, looking down at Kokichi. Exhausted and...more than a little offended as he said, “So, you think your husband is being tortured and abused, and your answer is...to die? That’s your brilliant answer to that dilemma? To abandon me?”

Kaito’s hurt and fury only removed more bricks from the wall, and even though Kokichi didn’t move, his breath fogging in the air, tears started to glisten in his eyes. 

“...I want to talk to you about everything. It doesn’t matter if it makes me sad. I hate that my useless fucking body cuts conversations short…”

“...and looks who’s putting words in mouths now. I can’t trust that any of the faith you put in me is earned. That’s what I mean. How you feel about everything matters...almost more than normal. It’s just...never going to be fair for me to take things at face value without giving you any room to elaborate or think around the walls you have. If I can give you that space? Then it’d be fine...but I haven’t. For everything I’m saying...I still made you stop going at Nao and that guy at the bar. I’ve still exploited you. You’re so...f-fucking lost and miserable here, and I’ve g-given you nothing to help with that…”

Cold tears started rolling down the sides of his face, Kokichi’s blurry vision of the sky turning it into a mess of distant light. 

“...no…” he gasped, the closest he’d yet come to releasing the wails in his heart. “I’d rather die than abuse you. If I hurt you, I’d rather you kill me and be that one step closer to freedom. But it wouldn’t free you the whole way.”

“...Kaede set up a plan so Maki could kill Byakuya and dozens of other people in leadership positions in Luminary. I’m supposed to make sure that no one can override Maki’s wishes.”

“I don’t want a-anyone to die,” he whimpered, now caught in a disturbing middle-ground between a blank, unfeeling expression and...honestly, looking like the frightened young adult he was, confused and hopeless about what path forward to choose. “But if no one is standing up...if people are fine with being falsely accused and executed and enslaved and thrust into destitution because at least they have a little more money then their neighbor, o-or if they really think that’s how it’s meant to be… N-no matter how reasonable, I cannot condone Maki slaughtering the entire country. Even just the people on Kaede’s list--she’s going to get herself killed!”

Kokichi’s voice broke, the poison moat with all of its nasty creatures flooding his heart with fear and despair and panic. He finally sat up, for the first time moving on his own since Kaito got there, shaking from the cold and the pure terror racking him. “E-everyone’s going to die, o-or suffer, a-and what am I supposed to do?!? I-I manage agricultural budgeting! I talk to people who’ve gotten a perfect score on their math tests for the first time and wanted to brag! I know I-I’m not responsible for Luminary, but everyone keeps asking me and it’s hurting the first friends I’ve ever had so personally and as the future leader of an allied country, doing nothing is condoning thE LITERAL FUCKING SLAVERY YOU HAVE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO?!?!”

The panic in Kokichi’s voice had gone from zero to ten thousand real quick, all of the worries he’d had from the first moment he realized that Luminary wasn’t just a country that did things differently, but was fundamentally broken. From the abject cruelty the Luminous secretaries had directed at him, to Shuuichi sharing the horrific reality of anyone who dared to say that there needed to be a change, to Maki asking for his blessing on a killing spree…

Even for a Dicean, Kokichi was gentle. Couldn’t bear to hurt anyone, and more often internalized that most problems around him were because of him. An entire nation’s suffering wailing in his heart…

Kokichi looked up at Kaito with wide, frightened, almost crazed eyes, tears streaming down his face and quickly cooling in the frigid air that racked him with as many trembles as his panic. It hurt…

It hurt so much, and...Kokichi didn’t have a single clue of how to start making it better.

...Kaito sat down

He sat down on the dirt, a little bit aways from Kokichi. Neither himself nor Kokichi were in the headspace to recognize this, but they had been in a position just like this once before. Bordered by a greenhouse.

Maybe that was just going to be a thing for them. An endless circle of warm moments and good sex and dancing around issues until one of them loses it and they end up sitting in the dirt under the moon, tears on their faces. Sitting in the dirt always the beginning and end of the cycle.

“...you and Maki and Kaede are trying to kill my brother?” Kaito asked. Quiet. 

Betrayed.

Kokichi coughed, his chest hurting in a way he wasn’t familiar with...or maybe he was? He didn’t know...he didn’t know. There was just...so much sadness and confusion and guilt and panic and anger and...so much everything that it felt like he was drowning…

...but Kaito had asked him a question, and for this one...he did need an answer for it. Kokichi managed a sort of shrug. “Yes? M-maybe? I don’t…”

“Shuu...Shuuichi said that Byakuya probably already knows and just hasn’t had Kaede killed because he likes her...I don’t understand…”

“Kaede wants to become queen, and Byakuya is the only person…”ahead” of her. I still...I still don’t understand why she needs Maki specifically for that. Maki...said that Byakuya’s planning on selling contracts from the Togami Corporation to other countries...a-and that if people in Luminary already don’t respect the ends of the contracts, then anyone who’s sold will never be able to get out of it… She wants to protect her family… Kaede reportedly wants to be able to start making things better… But...even with everything he’s done to you that makes me personally hate him...I don’t want your brother to die… There has to be another way for things to get better…”

Kokichi crumpled in on himself with a sob. “...or so I thought…”

Kaito stared at the ground.

...he was suddenly very tired.

It was really cold out here.

“...Shuuichi knew too?” Kaito asked. Staring at the ground. “...the father of my child, my husband, my best friend, and one of the last two close family members I have are...all conspiring to kill my family? ...everyone?”

Kaito poked the dirt with his fingers. Human ashes? Human ashes. Everything was always human ashes. 

Heh…

Kaito laughed. 

He covered his face and laughed for awhile, because his life was stupid and he was worthless and everyone he had ever loved were either dead or missing or all trying to kill each other. 

“...I wasn’t enough for any of you…” Kaito realized. Laughing and crying into his hands. “Not any of you...it wasn’t enough that it would hurt me...not for any of you…”

Kaito lowered his hands, wiping the tears from his face, staring at the dirt. Ignoring the moon above him. As he whispered to himself, “Everyone. Everyone...I wasn’t...I wasn’t good enough for anyone...wasn’t worth it...not to anyone…”

Kaito clutched at his chest, curling into himself. His heart breaking...everyone had been conspiring to kill his brother...no one had told Kaito...even Kokichi hadn’t told him just now because of how it would affect Kaito...Kaito hadn’t been a factor…

“...Can’t trust that I love you, huh?” Kaito snickered, looking over at Kokichi. Giving his husband an amused look in the dirt. “Sure you’re not projecting there, babe?”

“...Shuuichi didn’t want to be a part of this. He’s just...convinced that nothing can ever get better for Luminary, and he just doesn’t want Maki to die. He asked me to not send her to her death...and I promised I wouldn’t.”

“When she first brought it up, I told Maki she was brave for even considering the idea when it would hurt you so much. She said that she loved you...but she loved a lot of other people too.”

“...No matter what anyone decided on...I was going to tell you. Because you’re a part of this too, and you’re my husband. We’re...we’re supposed to be partners…”

...it wasn’t pleasant. And Kokichi knew that if, somehow, the situations were reversed? It would kill him. It would hurt more than he could ever imagine. But…

Kokichi looked up, an almost puzzled expression making its way through the misery. “...do you really believe that your life is worth more than millions of others?”

Kaito stared back at Kokichi. Tears falling down his face.

He grinned.

“...no,” he said. Heart breaking. “I guess it isn’t...I guess I just needed the reminder.”

Kaito got it now.

He got it.

He got it now.

Kaito had been sold.

Byakuya was right.

He had just wanted to like the person he was going to marry.

He had wanted to pretend it was going to be for love.

He had so desperately wanted to love him…

To be loved.

He got it now.

Kaito wiped the tears from his eyes. It still hurt, but already he could feel himself start to get used to it. It was okay. Everything was okay. 

“...it’s really cold out here, ‘Kichi,” Kaito mused, looking back at his prince with shiny eyes, dancing in the moonlight. “You’re going to get a cold. We should go inside somewhere. I know we have a lot to talk about. But we shouldn’t catch your death out here doing it, ya know?”

...call him crazy with everything they’d just said, but…

...Kokichi thought Kaito was lying.

...this was a pattern. Something difficult would come up. One of them would smile and segway, and...either for Kokichi’s health, or for Kaito’s sanity, they would brush it under the rug and try to move on.

And it would fester, like all hidden pain did. 

“...Kaito… If what you all thought was true about me before you came to Dicea...i-if I was a dictator…” Kokichi took in a ragged breath, his shivers dying down, but not because he was warming up or was any less horrified and panic-ridden. “...then that would’ve been impossible, because I would’ve been disowned from the moment I tried to put my own needs before the nation’s. And if I had tried to persist, I would’ve worked my way through every level of rehabilitation and punishment before being executed. And that would be justice.”

Another shaky breath. Kokichi wasn’t sure if he’d stopped crying...surely it wasn’t cold enough for tears to freeze, right? 

“My life is worth no more than anyone else’s. That’s why...if I were to put my own personal wants and needs above your safety and freedom… I would thank you for killing me. Because I could not bear to be that sort of monster.”

Kaito blinked at that. Before shrugging.

“I’d have picked you over everyone,” he said with a small sigh. “Maybe your life isn’t worth more than theirs. Not to the universe or whatever. The universe doesn't care, right? You definitely aren’t worth more to all of those other people...but you were worth more to me. You wer...are. You are my husband. I’d have picked you…”

“...maybe that makes me a monster,” Kaito confessed. “For you? I can bear that...or, I could have anyway. Now...” Kaito shrugged, “I don’t really know what I feel, ‘Kichi.”

Kokichi looked up at Kaito, for once, for once, maybe really understanding his husband. And...maybe those old stories were true. In return for that understanding…

This was a type of pain he’d for sure never felt before. Heartbreak was a concept he knew, of course. He knew what heart distress and cardiac failure felt like. But this…

Kokichi’s face crumpled as he curled into himself, the feeling in his chest...it really did feel like his heart was breaking. He could feel his lips tensing, the sort of twitches that came right before uncontrollable sobbing...but he did everything he could to hold it in. No matter what… If this was Kaito’s decision, then he couldn’t, under any circumstances, guilt him into second guessing himself. 

...it still felt like he was dying. He’d read a poem once, the author wondering if someone could die from a broken heart. 

Feeling like this...it was a possibility. 

But even if Kaito didn’t love him…

“...I’m sorry…” Kokichi whispered, still trying to hold himself together. “...you’re my husband. My best friend. I love you...a-and I only wish that we loved in the same ways… I’m sorry…”

“...’m sorry too…” Kaito murmured.

“...Are we getting a divorce?” Kaito finally asked. Sounding tired. “...are we even allowed to do that…”

“...please...no…” Kokichi painfully whispered, the thought of getting divorced… More than just what it would mean for international relations…

...why the fuck would Kaito ever choose to stay in Dicea if they got divorced? And if he left, the Maki and Shuuichi and Tim would leave too. If Byakuya ever got the truth of what Tim had done...he’d have the boy executed. If Shuuichi had his baby in Luminary...even just being pregnant there, all his fears about word getting out would come true in an instant. Maki...would she just throw herself into Kaede’s plan? Without his word and the travel between the countries as an obstacle…

...his friends would leave him. He’d be alone again. He’d still be free to leave...but what was the point of exploring the wonderful things of the world if you had no one to share them with?

...Kaito would leave him. Would he end up as the worst ex on the list? Tossed away by someone he’d promised his entire life and being to, more than just for politics… Kokichi had thought he’d lucked out getting to marry someone he loved. His best friend. Was he just being stupid and naive thinking that too?

A stifled sob finally ripped its way through Kokichi’s chest, another set of unfrozen tears rolling down his too pale, too cold-bitten face. He didn’t want to manipulate Kaito...but the pain of his love leaving him was too much for him to conceal.

Katio placed his head on his knees, putting his arms over his head, trying to hide from Kokichi’s pain. It wasn’t fair...Kokichi had just told him he and all of his friends were discussing killing his brother. Kokichi had just spent twenty minutes accusing Kaito of being too much of a slave to even be in a valid relationship with. This whole conversation had felt extremely cruel and Kaito just didn’t understand what he had done to invite that cruelty today…had really thought things were getting better and had been completely blindsided by Kokichi’s grief and rage...

...so why did he still feel like the bad guy?

Kaito listened to Kokichi cry, and felt like an asshole. That...that wasn’t fair, was it? He...of the all the things he was allowed to be angry about? To feel betrayed about...was his friends planning to kill someone Kaito loved seriously not one of them??

Why was he never allowed to grieve…

Was this punishment? Was he being punished? 

Maybe that was it...this was punishment for the rape. For the neck. For every time Kaito had held back or been reluctant or told Kokichi no. It didn’t have to be a punishment Kokichi invented. It could be a cosmic one. The universe putting Kaito back down in the dirt. 

Kokichi wouldn’t...he wouldn’t kill people. He wasn’t like that. He wouldn’t kill Kaito’s last remaining family. If Kokichi had considered it for even a second, it was because...because Atua put it into his head. To punish Kaito. To scare him. Punishment. That’s all this was…

...god he couldn’t stand the sound…

Kaito looked up, unable to stop himself any more. Staring at his husband, a different kind of heartbreak biting him. The last twenty minutes had hurt Kaito badly, but he didn’t...his husband was crying in the cold. He didn’t… Scooting over from the tree, he carefully pulled Kokichi back into his lap, trying to shield him from the cold.

“...I’m sorry.” Kaito said again, sincerely. He felt wracked with guilt. He didn’t want Kokichi crying in the cold. He didn’t want Kokichi begging him not to divorce him. He didn’t want this… “It’s okay...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it…I don’t want to divorce you Kokichi...I’m sorry, I was just angry, I didn’t mean it...”

Kokichi wasn’t even sure he wanted to be in Kaito’s arms. Not the sort of cruel, numb apathy of before, but… It was just so much of what he had felt about his relationship with Kaito. That Kokichi wasn’t nothing but an unpleasant burden on his husband. And...even right now. Instead of letting himself hurt, Kaito had picked him up and… Just because Kokichi was a weak, useless baby that had done no good for anyone in his existence. 

“Please…” Kokichi shifted a little too drained to squirm properly, but feeling almost uncomfortably warm in Kaito’s arms… “You don’t… Taking my own f-feelings out of this… You’re allowed to hurt, and hate me, and be angry at everyone, and want to di-divorce me… I wish you d-didn’t have to, but if that’s what you’re feeling, then feel it… This is what I mean when I-I…”

A harsh shiver went through his body, Kokichi shaking his head, frustrated with himself and just...confused. Out of his league… “I’m a burden on you because you never get to just be you. And I hate that. But I can’t stop how I feel either so...as much as it’d destroy me, I wish you’d abandon me just so you get the chance to be you…”

“I don’t know…” Kokichi whined softly, full of contradiction, but knowing at least that things weren’t working the way they were now. 

“...I won’t want to destroy you. It’s not worth that. I….thank you. I’m very angry. And...and I just really don’t understand...I thought I meant more to all of you than this...but, as angry as that makes me, I don’t want to hurt you for it.” Kaito said, refusing to loosen his grip as Kokichi wiggled. His husband was freezing. Kaito wasn't going to let him go to let him destroy himself. “...Shuuichi’s right. It sucks being on this side of a submission bow…”

Kokichi sniffled lightly, squeezing his eyes shut as he burned, trembles shivering through his body again. Was? This comparable to a submission bow? ...he didn’t understand…

“...you do mean a lot to...e-everyone… I-I don’t know what Kaede’s reasoning is. ...Maki’s willing to die herself for her family. A-and...I…” Kokichi’s voice cut off with a cough as another violent shiver went through him. 

...he knew that he couldn’t just do nothing. He loved Shuuichi, but just making sure that he was okay and leaving the rest of the world to burn...he couldn’t do it. His promise to Maki that he would find some way to start making things better in Luminary was real.

But...if it really came down to killing all those people, or even just Byakuya… He knew it...likely would legitimately be helping thousands if not millions of people. But...he… Could he really kill someone? Just as he kept saying, Byakuya’s life was not worth more than anyone else’s. In a pit between him and the entire population of Luminary...it was for the greater good. 

But...knowing that he had direct blood on his hands...knowing that...even if Byakuya was actively hurting people, that Kaito would be crushed...devastated…

...one of those awful nights where he couldn’t sleep, Kokichi had considered turning himself in right after he sent Maki out, if he even did. Pleading guilty, requesting execution...being denied it, because blood for blood was a rule that Dicea had never followed and considered an act of greed and cowardice. 

...he wanted to ask how Kaito could still bear to defend his brother after knowing that he killed their parents since...they were also awful people he had loved but...Kokichi knew the answer to that. And it wasn’t fair to ask Kaito. 

The stone that had allowed Kokichi to say so many difficult things was all melted away now, and the lasting, searing pain of the poison while the creatures from the depths tore at him was all that was left. 

“...this is a-another selfish request… But if you don’t feel like things are okay… It’s not going to hurt me for you to have feelings. Not in any way that - that isn’t needed.” Kokichi trembled, an odd hiccupping noise coming from his throat as he started to sweat, feeling like he was stuck in an oven...or a cremation pit.

“Of course things aren’t okay, Kokichi.” Kaito muttered, listening to his husband cough with growing concern. A new thought in his head, Kaito leaned down and placed his forehead onto Kokichi’s… “You’re burning up.” he realized, standing up. 

Kaito wanted to say that they could continue this conversation later, when Kokichi was well...but when they continued it later, Kokichi would just end up unwell again. If because he’d do something to himself, or his body would fail under the stress. Kaito didn’t….know how to argue with someone who literally almost died every time they had an argument.

So, he tried to just be calm. Maybe if he worded things in a way that wasn’t too...too much...he shouldn’t have been yelling earlier. Fuck, what he had been thinking? He could have killed him… 

“Seiko is closer, okay? So, we’re gonna stop by the pharmacy and see if she’s still there. If not, we’re going straight to the healers, okay Kokichi? You’re going to be okay...we’re so different, Kokichi. Probably in too many ways that matter too much. I don’t know how to be in a relationship with someone like you. But...I still want to be. I just...don’t see how we’re going to pull through.”

Kokichi would’ve flinched away from Kaito’s forehead, almost feeling like his husband’s skin was a hot iron against his own, if he had any strength to pull away from Kaito’s grip at all. Weak...sick...useless...burdensome… It looked like their time was up. 

Kokichi didn’t want it to be. As he’d said earlier...he wanted to talk with Kaito about everything. The happy stuff, like talking about books or cool trips Kaito had gone on, or teasing each other during sex… But also the difficult things. Kokichi’s rebellious streak that had him puffing up and rebuking genuine offered help. His isolation, and...the valid, if incredibly late anger Kaito had towards the people who were around for it. Kaito’s...everything, with Byakuya. 

...what was going to happen to them. 

But...no. If he didn’t pass out, then everyone around him was always too afraid to speak a word because he might get a little stressed. Boo-hoo, Kokichi had his feelings hurt. Obviously my price of fucking torturing myself is worth that--just think, he could get too sad and die.

Kokichi growled softly but kept himself aloft in Kaito’s arms, knowing that he couldn’t argue around this one. And, with a breath… “...I wanna try… I wanna be with you...see all the amazing things you’ll do… Be with someone that makes me happy.”

“...” Kaito swallowed. Tried to think. He wanted all those things too. He desperately wanted that...but...did they make each other happy? He supposed usually they did… “I wish we could have dated for real. At least for a little while.” Kaito mused, hunching his body over Kokichi. There was wind… “Maybe we could have had a bunch of little arguments that we could have learned from. Learned how to have the bigger arguments. A lot of our arguments are bordered by assassination plots. That’s a lot for any new couple,” Kaito joked, laughing a little.

“...Doctor Ford refused to see me again. Did you know that? You probably did...I’m supposed to see a new person soon. I don’t know if therapy works...but, when they assigned me a new therapist, I saw this binder? Advertising different therapies…”

Kaito hesitated. Feeling foolish. 

“...would we benefit from marriage counseling?” He asked. Feeling stupid. “That was...one of them. I don’t know...we barely know how to talk to each other, Kokichi. We didn’t get a chance to learn. Maybe someone could help us?”

Kaio didn’t know if he believed anything he was saying. Their problems felt too big to just sit down and talk about with someone...but Dicea had basically made a perfect society based on the concept of therapy. There had to be something to it. Maybe it could help him help Kokichi…

...that would’ve been nice. Getting to meet without the eyes of nations on them (though...they sort of did and even then it didn’t…), getting to explore each other slowly...not having to get married in a matter of days while tracking down a would-be assassin, saving the assassin, having your friends be manipulated into a different assassination attempt, and then being drugged on your wedding night.

...he’d heard that traumatic events were good at bringing people together but...it was more like they were slammed together and holding on for dear life rather than being able to find all the little ways they’d fit. 

Kokichi swallowed a few coughs, succumbing to his shakes for a moment. “...we might. I...I’d say it’s worth a shot...at least. If nothing else...it might teach us be-better ways to communicate s-so...we’d have a...have a chance at solving things ourselves…”

It took a little bit for them to get back to the main part of town, but when they turned onto the street with the blacksmith and candy shop, unlike all the other stores which were dark and locked up, the lights in the pharmacy were still on. 

...Kaito wished they were different people.

It felt selfish, wishing that, but he wished for it often. He wanted everyone he loved and cared about. He wanted all of them to just...be different people. A coffee shop. He wished the biggest thing they had to worry about was a coffee shop. He wished Kokichi didn’t lead a kingdom. Kaito didn’t want to be a king. Not a prince-consort either. He wished he had never heard of Luminary or Dicea and that his world was as big as a small town, filled with Kokichi and Shuuichi and Maki and Tim and, yeah….his mom and dad and his older brother. Who all may have been different people, without the Momota name and all of its burdens.

But. 

That was a daydream.

Kaito wasn’t going to escape being himself.  He couldn’t stop this any more then he could fix Kokichi heart or take their baby from Shuuichi and just carry it himself or save Maki’s…

…

…

“...please, no more secrets? Maki and Shuuichi...they don’t think I can handle much. I know that.” Kaito confessed, reaching out to open the pharmacy door. Snow (snow?? Really??) starting to fall lightly, not sticking to the road, melting on impact. It was like pretty, freezing rain… “But...I’m not your enemy. You don’t have to hide things from me. I...I’m not helpless. Or mindless. I’m not a slave...stop excluding me…”

He walked into the pharmacy, looking around. “Seiko?” He called out.

Kokichi closed his eyes, managing to give Kaito’s chest a small nuzzle, not knowing if it would be appreciated but...it was how he showed his affection. “I’m sorry…” he whispered. “I was always going to tell you and bring you in before anything was decided...but I shouldn’t have waited. Of all people...I shouldn’t have left you out…”

Not just because Kaito was his husband but...how many times had Kokichi raged at people from keeping things from him because they were worried that he couldn’t take it? Hell, they’d literally just been on that topic. Kokichi could tell himself that he just wanted to wait for surer answers before talking to Kaito...but he’d been afraid. Following Maki and Shuuichi’s example of keeping the secret...afraid of Byakuya’s influence on Kaito. 

But Kaito didn’t belong to his brother. He didn’t belong to anyone. 

Kokichi tried to writhe a bit as they entered the pharmacy, the heating, while not cozy by any stretch of the imagination since there were medicines and products that needed to be temperature controlled, was still warm enough for the average person to be comfortable. And for Kokichi...it felt like needles were stabbing him repeatedly over his entire body.

As per routine, Seiko stumbled out to stand behind the counter, cutting a greeting off as she saw the state of the princes in her pharmacy. They both had bloodshot, puffy eyes, and Kaito looked nipped from the cold for sure, but…

“Bring him into the b-back!” Seiko scrambled over to open the door for the two, running through her mind what she could do. Kokichi looked like he was in the starting stages of hypothermia. It wasn’t really cold enough out for the average person to have to worry about that yet, not without...spending the night outside without any clothes or cover, but… Kokichi barely had any body fat, and had poor circulation at that. He fell to chill easily and his body didn’t have many ways of recapturing heat.

Quickly laying out a fresh sheet on the bed in the back, Seiko glanced over her small patient, at least relieved that it didn’t look like blood had stilled in his appendages--no frostbite incoming--though...the pallor of his skin that wasn’t bright red…

“P-prince Kaito, I’ll require your assistance. Please rid Prince Kokichi and yourself of outer clothes, anything that’s wet. Then, p-please sit on the bed and hold your husband in your lap.” She didn’t have the supplies to hold them overnight but...if they could stabilize Kokichi’s temperature enough to get back to the castle, then that would do.

Pulling out a few different blankets, Seiko set them on the edge of the bed before darting about to prepare a few small heating pads. “How long have you two been outside?”

If Kaito was being honest, he had thought Kokichi just had a cold or something.

But Seiko’s alarm alarmed him as well, and Kaito had hurried with Kokichi to Seiko’s back room as well. As she watched her fuss over Kokichi, the healer looking more and more worried the more she looked him over, Kaito didn’t hesitate a moment the second she instructed them to take their outer clothes off. Kaito wasn’t self conscious about his body at all and he was more worried for Kokichi’s health than he was his decency, and so Kaito put him on the bed and immediately started taking off his clothes.

Hopefully Seiko had...meant? Taking them off to the point of just underwear?  Because that's what Kaito did, tossing their clothes off and kicking his own clothes aside as he crawled onto the bed, dragging Kokichi back onto his lap, tucking Kokichi’s knees against himself as making certain to enclose his feet with his crossed legs, circling his body around Kokichi as well as he could, before grabbing one of the offered blankets and draping it around the other side of him, that Kaito’s skin wasn’t touching.

“You’re okay, babe. Everything’s going to be okay soon. Just stay strong for me, ‘Kichi.” Kaito whispered to him as he did all these things, his whole body shuddering somewhat as the shock of Kokichi’s cold skin hit his own. I-it didn’t exactly feel good, but Kaito just grit his teeth and held him closer. Trying to take the cold from him as best as he could.

“Um...a few hours, I think. Maybe most of the afternoon, a-as well as all evening. I th-think he was under a tree for awhile….”

Kokichi figured he probably should contribute more, but as it was he could only bite his lip, trying to stifle any sounds of pain that tried to escape him. If Kaito’s warmth had been painful just through their clothes, being skin-to-skin felt like agony. Was this what it felt like to Aba? Having your skin torn off and--

Kokichi lurched against Kaito, a choked cry leaving him as he shook, unable to escape. 

Really, Seiko had been trying to give them the most comfort possible, but if Kaito was alright stripping down, then...direct skin contact would help Kokichi the most. Especially since Kaito ran hot. 

As the heating pads started warming up, Seiko came over to the pair, draping another blanket over Kaito’s shoulders and then another around the both of them together, giving Kokichi a soft warning before she felt his forehead. No doubt feverish, though they’d likely caught him just in time, judging by the sweat that had started to bead at his hairline. 

Considering the two young princes both looked...distraught and upset, she wouldn’t pry, but...most of the afternoon and all evening...meant probably around five hours… If it had been any colder, or Kokichi had been out there any longer… And as it was, Kaito was looking uncomfortably chilled as well. 

Sighing, Seiko fetched the heating pads and laid them inside the first layer of blanket, keeping one around the princes’ legs, one on Kokichi’s head, and the last on Kaito’s back. “You’ll both be alright, but...d-don’t do this again? Kokichi, I’m going to give you some fever reducer, and once you’re stabilized, then you two can go home. Though...Kokichi, you’re likely going to have a nasty cold in the morning--you’re tipping into the early stages of hypothermia right now.”

The most Kokichi could do to show his understanding was wince.

Seiko then looked to Kaito, needing something more of a real answer. “Do people know you’re out? They inst-stalled a telephone here so...I can send a message to the castle, letting your friends know you’re both alright.”

...ugh...he had to talk to his friends at some point too...and his brother...Kaede too…

“Yeah, please, Seiko, if you wouldn’t mind?” Kaito asked, giving her a weak grin, trying to think of something else to say… “Oh, uh, thank you so much. I appreciate you helping us. It was...just a mistake. We lost track of time. Thank you.”

Seiko gave the two young men a worried look before nodding. Whatever had happened...it wasn’t her business, and they’d come to her before it had any dire consequences to their health. As long as they were responsible about that, then they didn’t need her prying.

Planning to give Kokichi the fever reducer after she made the call, giving him some time to settle, she left her patients alone for a moment, partially drawing the curtain around the bed to give them some privacy. 

After a few moments of pained breathing, Kokichi managed to squeak out a small, “I’m sorry,” before clamping his mouth shut again, just...suffering the prickly heat, knowing that it was all to help him. 

“Good. Stop nearly killing yourself for no fucking reason.” Kaito muttered quietly, watching his husband's skin redden in the parts of him that he could see. 

As time went by, Kaito did his best to not move in any way, noting every little gasp that Kokichi shuddered out as he couldn’t help small, little shifts. 

Kokichi squeezed his eyes shut, not knowing what to say to that and just feeling...ashamed. At least this time...he hadn’t been trying to kill himself. He just...hadn’t cared if he would die or not, which, he supposed, was basically the same thing. 

...he didn’t know what had happened… Speaking to his friends so cruelly...even if it was the truth, he could’ve at least phrased it better if he had to say it at all. He just… Hearing how people in Luminary acted...it was more than just foreign. It was alien. It made him furious and...despairing…

...but they weren’t his people to lead. As much as it pained him...it wasn’t his responsibility to relate to Luminaries. Not on the whole, at least. ...he should’ve just waited...talked to Kaede...gotten her perspective on what was actually possible to change. 

...and maybe get Byakuya’s perspective too. 

...or not. He didn’t want to talk to Kokichi at all, and even if Kaede hadn’t asked for his insight on helping Luminary, she had still asked for his help in some regard. Byakuya hadn’t, and in fact hoped that Dicea burned to the ground so he could take his brother back. 

That line of thought just made Kokichi’s heart sink in his chest, so he tried not to think about it. 

But there was something a little more immediate he had to address. 

“...I know this isn’t fair since I haven’t even started making things up to you, but… I said some...really mean things to Maki. I...I can’t spar her...like you guys talk things out…” Kokichi glanced over his shoulder, looking ashamed and regretful and so lost. “...do you think she’d even want to speak with me?”

...Maki probably hated him now… Her quitting was probably the brightest outcome he could hope for.

Kaito looked down at Kokichi, in surprise. He guessed he..still didn’t actually know what had sent Kokichi to the garden in the first place. Sure, he knew Kokichi was stressed out thinking about Luminary and apparently his best friend and cousins murder plots, but...well, maybe Kaito wasn’t giving Kokichi enough credit? Maybe all of this was new? Like, literally had just happened today? Maki bringing Kokichi into her vengeance plot and Kokichi losing his mind in…

...well, not in guilt for how it would affect his husband, but ya know...it offended his sense of Dicean morality. Sure.

...he didn’t want to spar Maki...he didn’t really want to talk to anyone. As he sat there with Kokichi warming against him, Kaito’s anger was dwindling into plain old self pity. Heh. He felt like when he was a kid at that party. Getting rejected by everyone around him, just...so confused as to what he was doing wrong…

...it’s not like Maki’s feelings about Byakuya were a secret.

Kaito wasn’t stupid…

He just hadn’t thought she’d...they had left the country…

...Maki hasn’t spoken to Kaede since they were home. 

Half a year. At least?

Was that how long Maki and...probably Shuuichi, let’s be honest with yourself Kaito. How long they had been keeping this from him?

...Kaito felt the back of his eyes burn. Feeling his world of people he could trust just...shrinking. Just like that. All in a span of an afternoon. He felt alone…

But he swallowed that down. Kokichi wasn’t evil. Neither was...neither was Maki. Sure, they had been planning to do something terrible to him, but maybe they didn’t see it like that? He hadn’t been given a chance to try to beg or negotiate for his brother's life. They were both good people. Kaede too. If he could just talk to them all… they wouldn’t do it. Not if he was begging them. They wouldn’t. He was...he was almost certain that was true…

It had to be, because…

Him losing his temper on Maki wasn’t going to...stop someone like her. And, so long as Kokichi was around? He couldn’t just...demand she let it go. Order her. He didn’t think Kokichi would let him. Maki would just...go someday. And Kaito would be left with only...extreme options to save Byakuya…

...you’re in a game, Kaito.

You can’t lose this time. 

Literally every relationship you value is on the line.

So he sighed and thought about Maki and… “...she’s the one who sent me to go find you. She was worried about you. She looked guilty. Shuuichi had been hurt...what had happened, Kokichi? I mean...if you can talk about it. It can wait for you to catch your breath…”

Kokichi just shrank down, feeling worse that--wait, what? “Shuu-chan was hurt?” ...obviously Maki was mad but...how...why would she take it out on Shuuichi?! Kokichi chewed on his lip, feeling a bit of panic return, but…

...there’s nothing you can do alone, kid. Rely on your allies. 

Letting go of a shaky sigh, Kokichi leaned back against Kaito. “...we were supposed to have a call with Kaede tonight. Before it...I...I wanted to have more of an understanding of what’s actually going on in Luminary…”

“...because...unlike what I think Maki and Kaede were expecting, I’m not just going to say yes to the plan.” Kokichi swallowed, grimacing. “Things can’t keep going the way they have been...and...what Maki cares the most about is that stupid slavery program. Byakuya’s not going to stop it, has plans to expand it, but...he doesn’t need to die for that.”

Kokichi’s throat constricted as he looked back over at Kaito almost...pleading with his husband to affirm that choice. “If Kaede can convince him to stop it, that’d work? O-or if not...there are other ways… I…”

...he was getting off track. “...but...with the other problems too… I was asking about what exactly is stopping anyone from putting better laws and practices into place...and…”

“...it’s a hot button issue, apparently,” Kokichi huffed. “Maki says that it’s money. That people are just scared of having nothing so they won’t fight for themselves, even when everything could be taken from them at any time. Shuu-chan said it’s belief. That people just...believe that they’re made to suffer, and the people exploiting them are in charge because that’s just the way it should be. And I…”

Kokichi shrank down in Kaito’s arms, not even...really knowing how to explain what happened even to himself, let alone anyone else. “...I just...lost it. It felt...I don’t know… Like I couldn’t feel anything. Or there was too much? I don’t…”

“...I told Maki that Kaede is probably just manipulating her because of her feelings and is hoping that Maki will take a few people down with her before she gets killed. Then I left and...ended up in the Memorial Garden, I guess…”

Kaito listened until Kokichi finished speaking. He didn’t want to interrupt. And man...all of that was a lot. Kaito would have probably gone into his shrine and cried for awhile, in the same position. Just...overwhelmed with what was being asked of him.

...why would Maki...risk Kokichi’s health like that? That was too much for anyone. Forget even the health stuff. Kokichi was...sweet (...or, usually was, anyway). Different from politicians at home. Why did she think he would actually help her with this? Telling Kokichi was an obvious risk to the secrecy of her plan. Kaito knowing all about it right now being a pretty clear testament to that.

So why had she….

...because Kokichi could stop Kaito. Could stop Byakuya, even. She had done it because she had no other choice. It was either get Kokichi on board or face certain death back in Luminary.

...god dammit Maki…

When Kokichi was done, Kaito wincd a little at what Kokichi last said...and then he just sighed, trying to...kind of get through the list. He started with, “Shuuichi was fine, he just...looked like someone had gotten him with a bit of a left hook. But he didn’t seem to be…” Kaito sighed. “I’ll talk to Maki about it. She can’t hurt Shuuichi. Not either of you. That can’t be something I just let go.”

Oh well. Guess...another fucking spar…

“...Kaede wouldn’t send Maki to her death, Kokichi,” he decided to touch on next. Frowning. “I don’t...understand why you’d even think that. You...what made you think Kaede was capable of something like that? I know, I know, Luminaries are...whatever, but...” Kaito wanted to say they didn’t just willy-nilly kill their friends and loved ones. But, well...fuck, what did Kaito know, by this point…

“The only things I know about Kaede are what I know from you guys…” Kokichi sighed. “In her plan...there’s...nine individuals and three entire families? Who are all reportedly incredibly influential and protected and… Maki is really skilled, but she admitted herself that it wouldn’t just be a night of work. And with your brother especially...Shuu-chan and Maki both said that he probably already knows that Kaede wants him gone. And if there’s anything I actually know about Byakuya, it’s that he’s not someone to skip over details.”

“...just hearing the plan like that it seems impossible...and even though I promised him that I wouldn’t take his word as law, seeing that Shuu-chan agrees… Maki’s not the type to give up on anything, even if it’s bad for her. Sh-she…” Kokichi started trembling again, subconsciously gripping onto the blankets around them. “She adopted Tom and Itch, just so she could be involved in...I-I think she wants punishment more than rehabilitation…”

Kokichi took a shaky breath, trying not to let his nightmares haunt his waking hours too. “...would you really think it’s possible to kill...I don’t know, over twenty people without getting caught?”

“.............she WHA-” Kaito covered his own mouth, then realizing that wasn’t going ti be enough, grabbed some of the blanket and stuff it inside of himself, fucking screaming...before that muffled screaming faded into just grumbles and furious seething growls… 

What!?

WHAT!?

God, life was a NIGHTMARE.

Kaito bit into the blanket, seething for a moment...before letting it go. “She’s out of her mind.” Kaito said darkly,  “She’s lost it. Fuck...no, she can’t kill twenty different people in what I have to assume are several different locations in a night! Obviously she can’t! She’d need a whole team! And no she can’t...she adopted...auuuughhnnnn-ghhhhhhhhhh.” Back in the blanket went. Kaito chewing on it like a literal, furious dog.

As Kaito drooled through his teeth against the blanket, tearing the bit he had into shreds...it hit him. In a way it could only hit someone in Kaito’s position, that Maki and Shuuichi couldn’t understand.

“Kaede has a team.” Kaito realized, thinking of something his cousin had said to him when they were very young. Back when politics were more fun thought games that seemed impossibly distant and not at all serious to either of them. “Kaede wants Maki to lead a team...and she didn’t tell Maki about it because…”

The conversation was this. Kaito and Byakuya’s political sessions with Tengan were intense. Often violent. Kaito had learnt a lot in them, and had spent the rest of his life trying to forget. The world was so cruel, described by Tengan...Kaito hadn’t been able to handle it. But he wasn’t the only person to teach the royal children, and he remembered Kaede talking to Kaito (rarely, without Byakuya. Kaede and Byakuya loved to argue about politics. Kaito had used to just watch and try to lighten the atmosphere whenever it got too intense) and had marveled at the way King Thidan, over a Novescelic, was famous for getting his bst general to return to serving him after openly betraying his son and getting him killed.

He had just built up an army, sent them halfway there, and told the general over dinner on night their plans of attack...and the general, horrified that the army was being sent with a plan that would obviously get them killed, had gotten a horse and raced to catch up with the army that night. Because he was a man who had loved his son and hated the king...but loved his soldiers as well. And when pushed to make a choice…

Kaede had thought it was beautiful. Success through love, in a way...Kaito had remembered thinking it was cruel…

...but there was one, important detail to that story that had been the reason Kaito had thought it was so cruel, more than anything else.

The army, the men who had trusted the plan, had only trusted it because the king had lied, and said it was the Generals. The men had left thinking he was among them already. They believed in their success because they believed in him.

(Good, his god whispered in his ear. )

(This is a good start.)

(You have to remember things like that, Kaito.)

(Even when it hurts.)

(I love you. Fulfil your purpose.)

“...Kaede has a team of people already. She needs Maki because that’s how she recruited them.” Kaito...guessed? Kinda… “They won’t do it without her. And...Maki wouldn’t want them to do it at all. Oh!”

“They’re the orphans.”

Kokichi frowned, squinting his eyes as he processed that information. ...just telling Maki she had a team waiting for her in general wouldn’t change much...or, maybe it would. Create the illusion of dependency, have Maki thinking that she’s just as integral as she actually is, but not in the way she thinks it. 

But…

“...Luminary puts orphans into the program automatically, right? If...if Kaede just orders them...then I don’t see how they would resist whether they’d want to do it with Maki or not. ...but…” Kokichi’s expression darkened. “If it’s not about them. If it’s specifically about Maki...then she’s using them as ransom without making herself the bad guy...at least until Maki-chan’s already there…”

Kokichi scowled down at the blankets. “If that’s true...that’s exceptionally cruel and selfish.”

Kaito shook his head. “Not if they’re civilians already. Former-indentured’s would be way less likely to be suspected of an attack. They have access to places and things that people don’t trust indentures’ with, and because of their career history, would be high up on the ladder chain, assuming they're still working somewhere in their assigned field. It works better in the capital then it does other places, when they can get out of their contracts at all, but...that was the point of the indentured program, once upon a time. Especially for the orphan program.” 

“They were supposed to come out of the program with ready-made careers to fall into. For the ones that actually manage to do it? They’re usually incredible at what they do, and too afraid of going back into the program to be disruptive citizens. But otherwise...incredibly successful. But, then everyone started extending and renewing their Indentures’s contracts over and over again...and businesses learned you could get these employees back on the cheap if you denied them jobs in their field until they slipped up and ended up back in debt or arrested…”

Kaito sighed. Looking tired. “It...really doesn’t work the way Byakuya pictures it in his head...Tengan even told us it isn’t supposed to. That the success cases were meant to inspire enough hope to quell rebellion among the indentured and get the citizens to not feel bad for them...I...I tried to argue with him about it, once...I-I could try again?” Kaito said quietly, looking stressed. “Maki wouldn’t go if I convinced him to stop, right? I...I-I could...h-he loves me, maybe I could…”

There was no word in that sentence that was even kind of confident. Kaito was terrified to argue with his brother.

If the people Kaede recruited already were...well...freed, then...it was even worse in some ways, and a little better in others. Maybe? But...Kokichi could’ve sworn that Maki had tried talking to other people in the program...he was sure one of them had mentioned it offhand at some point. If she had already tried banding together then...why did Kaede need to hide it?

...they needed to talk to Maki. ...not that Kokichi even wanted to send his blessing for her to go on the mission anyway, but...even if Kaede never told Maki until she got to Luminary, she deserved to know the possibility. To not be taken off guard. 

For the fact of what he did want to do, though...Kokichi scowled. “Even if it did work how it was supposed to, just being really good at a job? That is in no way an exchange for decades of torture and degradation. A government is supposed to protect its people, not use them as resources.”

That the fantasy “upside” to the program was just supposed to be a fucking job? It was disgraceful. There was nothing about Luminary that indicated that its structure was anything but horrifically broken. Its past leaders had failed. 

...but if there were still people willing to try to fix it, not just allow everyone to form smaller co-alliances…

Kokichi sighed, not feeling hopeful, but… “If you’re up to it, I’d say it’s worth a try. If the program was thoroughly dismantled, I think Kaede would have a much harder time convincing Maki to do anything else she wanted.”

“Whether it’s your brother making a law that no person can be government property, or...Shuu-chan talked once about just...destroying all the information the Togami Corporation has...or that...I’m sure there are ways to stop Luminous exploitation without bloodshed. Your people may be different...but I’m different too, and these are my beliefs. No one should have to mourn the loss of someone they loved…”

...even if that person wasn’t a very good person.

Kaito listened to the anger in Kokichi’s words. He knew his husband was trying to be kind to him...and Kaito had calmed down from earlier, at least. His heart had been raging with betrayal and grief and honestly it was easier to think that Kokichi didn’t love him then to realize that Kokichi’s idea of what love was was so...alien and disturbing to Kaito. It had hurt to realize Kaito wasn’t Kokichi’s first priority, and to find that out in such a terrifying way…

...but that realization didn’t mean Kokichi didn’t love him.

At least, not in his own way. Kokichi’s anger and frustration with Luminary in one breath and his hurried assurance that Kaito wouldn’t be left to grieve in the next was a testament to that, at least. Kokichi still loved him. Maybe not in the way Kaito had hoped to be loved once, but...nothing ever really worked out like you expected it would.

“...I wish you wouldn’t hurt yourself when you’re sad.” Kaito murmured somewhat pathetically. Just so tired and overwhelmed with all this. “...and I wish my home was a little better or your home was a little worse. I know that second part is a shitty thing to say, but it’s so hard relating to you...and I know it has to be hard for you to relate to me too. We grew up in such different worlds and…”

Kaito’s face scrunched up, tears swelling pathetically as he buried his face into Kokichi’s hair as he confessed, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to fight Luminary or my brother or my cousin. I don’t want Maki to lose any more of her family to the program. I don’t want Shuuichi to be scared anymore or for Tim to feel like no one cares about him. And I don’t want you to die, Kokichi...I don’t want you to be scared or lonely or scared of me or lonely because I fucking abandoned you or something…”

“...but it’s so hard to put you all first. I’m really trying Kokichi, I’m trying so hard, but I feel like I’m going to fall apart. I’m terrified to talk to my brother because he...our parents are dead and I have...I have questions about that and he might not...and I’m ashamed of how much that scares me, okay? And...and I know Maki’s been hiding something about my friends from Luminary to me. I hear people whisper things about it, when they see me and think I’m far enough away...I think they’re all dead...and...and seeing Togami again was heartbreaking…”

“And now Maki’s trying to murder my family and Shuuichi’s pregnant with a kid I gave him that he doesn’t want and I just want my friends back….” Kaito sobbed, trying not to clutch at Kokichi since he knew his husband was hurting but just...so tired and so emotional and- “Why do you keep trying to die on me? Stop trying to leave me! I need you!”

Kokichi grimaced down at the blankets. “...I can only wish that your home was better… You asked me once how I could stand caring about all my people. Think this is a better answer than the one I gave before.” It might’ve not been an entire nation’s people...but while Kokichi did care about all their lives, he didn’t know the majority of them personally. He cared about making a standard of living that could be comfortable for anyone, and then when anyone had problems, they reached out and he tried to solve them. When they didn’t reach out, and things went wrong...then it was a failure on his part for some gap he’d left in the standard of living, and it did hurt, but…

They were never people that he’d gone to festivals with, or shared a drink with, or, in Kaito’s care, shared a bed with. And as much as Kokichi didn’t want to admit it...that did make a difference. It was harder to carry such specific burdens all while seeing their owner’s face everyday. 

Kokichi had a point about their relationship, but when Kaito mentioned his missing friends...and then Togami…

It was small, but there was still a grunt of...pain? Shock? That accompanied a slight flinch in Kokichi’s frame as he dared to reach a hand out of the blanket to rub his head, suddenly getting like...a tension headache or something. Togami...Togami had said...that Kaito’s friends were…

...But there was other stuff there. Kokichi had been sobbing and overwhelmed, feeling...feeling like a whole world of grief and sorrow and rage at the universe was quickly filling his entire being like an unprepped balloon. In a desperate attempt to let some of it out before he exploded, Kokichi knew he’d fallen into...a sort of hysterical mess. The kind of loss of control that always made him feel so ashamed in front of Maki, but...no, that wasn’t the point. 

There was… Togami had described...the sort of life he wanted for Kaito, just so they could be together… Something that had enraged him… But he couldn’t… And then the reasoning why all Kaito’s friends had been kidnapped and…

Kokichi let out another small noise and pinched the bridge of his nose and...unfortunately, decided to let it go for now. There were other things to address, and his husband needed him. 

...and unlike his bold, uncaring bluntness from before...Kokichi couldn’t bring himself to bring up his suspicions that...it didn’t really matter what he did. He’d be gone before too long regardless. So he had to do as much as he could now in some likely useless attempt to make his short time worth something. 

Instead, Kokichi shifted around in his husband’s lap and put his arms around him, closing re-wetted eyes but...just trying to be the sort of comfort Kaito had been for him so many times before. Even if nothing was really okay. 

“...I’m sorry. I wish I could say that I don’t mean to but… I should really look into some therapy for myself...it’s not healthy for me or anyone around me to be like this...I’m sorry…” With a shuddered sigh, Kokichi held Kaito a little tighter, rubbing his back with fingers just starting to warm up. “...I can say that it’s never with the intent to leave you...or abandon you… Sometimes I can convince myself that you’ll be happier without me, and...it doesn’t matter how much it hurts me, if you can have a better life. But believing that even when my brain isn’t being an asshole and when you tell me the opposite is...really cruel…”

“...I’m not going anywhere.” ...for as long as he could help it, anyway. “And while I’m here...I’ll never stop working to make things better. In respect to my vow to Dicea, yeah, but...to my vow to you too. To help you out of corners and make it so you never feel alone...to be worthy of the trust you put in me.”

“...you get hurt s-so much… It’s hard to see that as anything but continued, utter failure on my end...and...if I’m a failure...it’s hard to convince myself that you’d want to love that. Love me.” Kokichi sniffled softly, but kept speaking, not wanting to make Kaito’s pain about him. “...but… A-and if you find that you don’t, when you know how you feel that’s...there’s no changing that. I’m not going to pressure you to change that… But if you end up saying you love me...I’ll believe you. Even if I don’t think I deserve it...I’ll believe you, and just struggle to accept that truth myself.”

Kokichi paused for a moment, just… Kaito deserved to know what happened to his friends. Kokichi was capable of more tact than he’d shown earlier but...it was horrible. And Kaito was already struggling with so much…

“...I-I’m sorry but… I know what happened to your friends too. It doesn’t have to be now, but...if you want to know...at least some of what happened...I’ll tell you what I know.” 

He knew this wouldn’t help. Would only stress Kaito out more. But Kokichi still looked up at his husband, face lined with pain and grief. “...It will hurt, though. If anything...can I ask that we at least get home first?”

Kaito closed his eyes and hated himself as a small, heartbroken whine escaped the back of his throat. Stupid dog...he had known the news was bad. He had just said he knew the news was bad. B-but...hearing Kokichi confirm it…

He had hoped, deep down, that he was wrong, That he had been being paranoid, or mishearing some of the whispered, concerned whispers. That was the worst part of it. All the staff that he had heard whispering about it? They were always the nice ones...the ones who weren’t angry at Kaito, or trying to be indifferent. And that had made it worse, because he had wanted to demand answers every time from them, but hadn’t wanted to scare anyone who could actually tolerate him by this point…

He swallowed hard and wished he was dead and rejected that thought as soon as he had it. He didn’t want to be dead. He just...wished all of this wasn’t happening…

Honestly, Kaito felt so conflicted about his feelings for Kokichi. He had a feeling that was all partly just...because everything felt so bad and he was emotionally compromised regardless of his actual feelings for Kokichi.

...but he knew what he wanted to be true. What he wanted to believe. So he rested his head against Kokichi and said, “I do, ‘Kichi...I love you. I do. I’m not brainwashed or lying or confused, okay? I...you’re not Byakuya. I love him too, and I know that...both my relationship to him and my relationship to you are...complicated by stuff. But you’re not the same thing to me. I promise. I love you.”

Kaito sighed. Feeling very tired as he said. “...we can go home first, I just...are the details…” Kaito wanted to ask if the details were horrifying. Wanted to ask if he even wanted to know? He didn’t want to hear his friends had suffered...but he owed them more then that. If Kokichi knew anything about their fates, he...he should at least be willing to hear about it.

Kaito sighed again. “...how are you feeling babe? You’re shaking a little less...”

...it wasn’t fair. None of it. It wasn’t fair that Tengan abused his power over literally everyone he could, it wasn’t fair that the Luminary government thought it was more convenient and profitable to use people as resources. It wasn’t fair that...that handful of people had lost their lives just...he still didn’t even understand why, really. It wasn’t fair that Maki’s family was being tortured, or that Shuuichi had gotten addicted to something that would change the rest of his life just from a moment of desperation. 

But life wasn’t fair. There wasn’t a set order to things, so sometimes horrific things happened. But...it meant that you had the power to choose your own actions and hopefully you were able to exude as much care into the world as you could before you were gone. 

...hopefully Kokichi could leave Kaito with enough goodness to help the badness hurt less. 

Kokichi let out a heavy breath, some of that heartbreak that had left him feeling like he was dying easing away. “I love you too… I just...don’t want to force you into anything...and I don’t know if I’m giving you enough space to let me know if I am. I might still question things...but for this...I believe you. I love you, Kai-chan, and even with everything that makes being together hard...I want to make it work. For you, I want to make things worse.

He’d wanted to wait until they got home, in case Kaito needed to hide away for a bit, but...Kokichi knew that if Kaito asked, he wouldn’t be able to keep it hidden. He could barely believe how he’d forgotten but Kaito deserved to know. Keeping false hope alive could...it could eat you alive. 

But to Kokichi’s slight relief, Kaito changed the subject. They’d get back to it, but not in the back room of a pharmacy, almost naked and trying to stave of...hypothermia, damnit. 

“...it hurt warming up, but...I think I’m okay now. Or...at least better. I can feel my legs again, so I’d say that’s a good sign.” Kokichi managed a small, humorless smile before settling down against Kaito again, not feeling like he was in danger anymore--not that he’d been in a state to process that before. “...I think I should get my winter clothes out a little earlier this year...or at least try to wear better clothes before I go outside.”

“Yeah? That’d probably be a good idea.” Kaito admitted, kinda wishing he could tease him about it. Kinda wishing what had happened was Kokichi had gotten a little cold taking a walk, and not disappeared for five hours in a suicidal depression. Man, he was tired...but, he had to shake that tiredness off as he said determinedly, “I can carry you home, ‘Kichi. We’ll ask Seiko to keep the blankets for now, return them later, and keep you wrapped up, alright? I wonder if our clothes are dry...uh…”

Kaito looked around. “Seiko?” he called, having lost track of the healer, “Kokichi feels a bit better! Would it be okay to start heading back soon?”

Once she’d made sure that they were warming up and there were no other immediate health concerns, Seiko had...well, she hadn’t left them completely alone. That’d be wholly irresponsible, and unless she just wanted to restock and neaten shelves she’d already restocked and neatened that evening, there wasn’t much in the main part of the pharmacy for her to fiddle with. She’d gone back to her work on the antifungal agent and tried not to listen in on the strained, upset voices behind her. The princes were going through something, and while she was their healer, she was not their therapist. It wasn’t her business. 

But their health was. 

Seiko had gathered their clothes and surrounded them with another heating pad, and, thankfully, the slight crystals of snow falling outside were barely anything. Their clothes had dried rapidly and were now warm, so that would get them safely back to the castle. 

Returning to the couple, Seiko felt Kokichi’s forehead again and requested that he flex his fingers and toes, questioning on any numbness before she hummed to herself and brought their clothes over. “Once you’re both dressed, I’ll give you that fever reducer, Prince Kokichi. Still, though, t-try to take things easy tomorrow--you might still wake up with a cold. Stay warm and don’t overexert yourself, and you should be just fine.”

Turning to leave to give them a bit of privacy while they dressed, Seiko gave them one more worried look. “Will you t-two be alright going home? I can accompany you back to the castle, if you would feel better with someone there.”

“No, no, I…” Kaito quickly glanced down at Kokichi, trying to gauge how his husband felt about it, before continuing on, “I can get us home, Seiko, it’s okay. I feel fine and fit as a fiddle!” Kaito lied, but trying to put some confidence in the words to reassure his sidekick. “And the castle’s not far. We’ll get right home and get ‘Kichi here to bed. He’ll...he’ll be fine! Thank you though!”

Kaito helped Kokichi get into his clothes, being way more patient and careful than when he had taken them off, alarmed by how serious Seiko’s request had sounded. Every now and again there was a small, distressed sound from his husband that made Kaito stop, access him...before continuing on. He didn’t want to hurt Kokichi, but he couldn’t get him home in his underwear. God, even not counting the cold, fuck, the rumors that would surround it…

...who was he kidding. He and Kokichi had both left the castle fine and standing and now they were coming back and Kaito was still fine and Kokichi was half-dead looking again. There was going to be rumors and opinions either way. Poor Kokichi, married to the Luminary monster…

Alright, come on Kaito. That’s enough feeling sorry for yourself. Get your husband home and safe and worry about all that later.

“Get home safely,” Seiko murmured before leaving them be, still giving the two young men a worried look. It was a short trip and...while she doubted Kaito being totally fine--even physically. She’d wanted him under the blankets for more than just warming up Kokichi--he was steady on his feet, and he could make the ten minute walk fine. 

...she’d probably send another message to the castle once they’d left. Just letting Ryouhei--and anyone he chose to tell--know that the princes were on their way back. 

Kokichi had tried to get his clothes back on without a fuss but… He did appreciate that Seiko had warmed them, but there were parts of his body still cold enough that the cozy warmth made him recoil and cry out, despite his wishes. 

...it was humiliating…

He took the pill Seiko had offered him, and without further ado, he and Kaito were headed out of the castle. This time, Kokichi noticed the little glimmers falling from the sky, catching moon and streetlight. It really was going to be a cold winter this year…

“...I appreciate you carrying me...but...when we get to the gates...could you put me down? I… Please?” Kokichi hated how small and shy his voice was. Just giving credit to what he left unsaid. But even if he looked unsteady and overly chilled...if he was at least on his own two feet, then maybe… Maybe people wouldn’t...react as poorly. 

Kaito gave Kokichi a worried look, and wanted to protest...but he just quietly nodded. He had sworn, what felt like a million years ago now, that he would trust Kokichi if he said he was capable of something. He had only just gotten feeling back into his legs, but...if he thought he could…

Kaito had very, very rarely seen snow in his life. As far as he knew, it didn’t snow at all in the front lines. In any other circumstances...or, one other circumstance, he might have been leaving a figurine to dry and encouraging Tim outside, thrilled at their first Dicean snow. Would have fruitlessly tried to make snowballs from the mere frost and laughed when they failed. Would have coaxed Shuuichi and Maki out and made certain Kokichi was wearing something warm…

Oh well. It was still pretty, he guessed.

As they got to the gate, one guardsman he recognized and another who was very likely a returned veteran were at the gate. The guardsman he recognized was a nice guy, the kind of guy who took up other peoples watches so other people didn’t have to be called in. The other guy looked very serious… “Alright Hold onto my arm if you feel unsteady, babe.” Kaito whispered to Kokichi, letting him down a reasonable distance away.

And, wow, if that didn’t feel incredibly creepy to whisper. It’s alright, Kokichi, if anyone asks, say you ran into a doorknob, babe…

His legs still felt a little staticy but...it was just through the gate and up to their room...and maybe not even that. People knew how much Kaito liked having him close and would scoop him up when he got excited. Maybe...if the stairs seemed too daunting...that would be enough for people to fill in kinder blanks. 

But even if he had been feeling the most steady ever, Kokichi still looped his arm around Kaito’s, more of an affectionate embrace than a helpful one. 

It had been...more difficult, after he’d recovered from the brewery and the talk with Togami, to keep bolstering Kaito’s reputation. He’d been drugged and nearly kidnapped but...he’d still abused Maki and Shuuichi’s mental states and tried to fight several staff members at once in a bid to kidnap him and Shuuichi. And...he’d strangled him so…

To some people...it didn’t matter that it hadn’t been Kaito’s fault. That he hadn’t been in his right mind. And it just became a convenient time to let all the other rumors about Kaito that they believed and informed their opinion solidify and become the basis of...well, scoffs and blatant distaste. Not physical harm but...social harm. 

But Kokichi hadn’t stopped. Kept insisting what a wonderful person Kaito was, that he’d really been put in an awful position and, well, was a victim when you thought about it, not just with what happened with Togami, but having lost his parents so suddenly and having to adjust to culture shock…

He liked to think that he helped a few people soften their opinions. Maybe.

Taking it one step at a time, Kokichi gave the guards on gate duty a smile and a small wave, hoping that it was dark enough to hide the red swollenness around his eyes. Just keep moving and...it’ll be okay. 

Kaito found himself mostly just watching Kokichi’s feet, tensing up as he waited to catch Kokichi if he stumbled. His husband seemed more or less stable, but he was so thin, and if he fell…

Between Kokichi’s affectionate loop and smile, and Kaito’s distracted attention towards him, they both gave the impression of a couple who had maybe slipped on the new ice and Kokichi was trying to wave off Kaito’s concern if he was feeling hurt. At least, that was the impression the familiar guardsman came to, and he gave Kokichi both an amused and sympathetic smile. The front line fighter’s eyes narrowed slightly, wondering about the blankets and that haggard red in both of their eyes...but he said nothing.

They got inside, and Kaito looked up at the staircase, then down to Kokichi… “Can I take you upstairs?” He asked, leaning down and kissing the top of Kokichi’s head gently. Not trying to say he didn’t think Kokichi could make it, but...would rather he didn’t have to.

There were still people going about in the evening but...it was less than during the day. Citizens only came to the castle at night if there was an emergency, or when there were, like, astronomy workshops, or if they were actually staying in the castle. A lot of the staff were settling in for the night, and while for some that constituted getting some night reading from the library or getting a cup of tea from the kitchens, for many, they were already in the residential wing, or had headed home. 

So...paired with what he hoped people would think, Kokichi gave Kaito a small smile. “...okay. If it’s alright...I mean… I don’t know if I have the right words to say yet...but if we could knock on Maki-chan’s door to at least let her know we’re home alright, could we do that? Or I could just knock myself, if you wanted to head to our room right away.” And not have to face your best friend who you just discovered was planning to kill one of the only family members you had left. 

...to be honest, Kokichi wasn’t ready to face Maki yet either. He wanted to make his apology worth something and...with his thoughts as frazzled as they were, she deserved more than what he could give at the moment. And…

...her shame was an intimidating thing. Knowing that he’d disappeared like a child when they were supposed to have an important meeting… Some boss he turned out to be. If nothing else...he hoped that she’d save quitting until the morning.

Kaito’s brow furrowed, exhaustion hitting him like a wave again. He didn’t know what he wanted to do… he wanted to go pray, but his shrine was a horrifying bloodbath right now and he wasn’t allowed to clean it for another two days now...Pudiciam would be such a blessing. Not even Kaito could handle his shrine right now. It was coated…

“...I don’t need to hide from Maki.” Kaito murmured, wishing he felt as confident as his words suggested. Maki was his friend, but also, like...what a shitty thing she had done. She had wanted him to beat her in this last spar for keeping him in medical for a day or two extra, and meanwhile she had literally a wall (What else could it be? He wasn’t stupid. He had never beleived the art project lie anyway…) of fucking plans that she knew would devestate him. What a shitty friend. She should be hiding from him…

...Kaito’s stomach twisted with guilt at the thought, and just plain old hurt rather than any real anger, and he tried to just carry those hurt feelings too as he picked up Kokichi and headed upstairs.

-

“...I should quit. Resign? Whatever the word is…”

Maki was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. On the other side of her, resting his head next to her head, Shuuichi said tiredly, “No you shouldn’t.”

“I’m his security and I tried to stab him. I’m not fit to do this.”

“Randomly stabbing people is a tough habit to break.”

“I hit you.”

“That’s a...habit I hope you don’t take up, yeah.”

“You’re pregnant and I hit you.”

“I’m not fragile.”

“You are.”

“...yeah, maybe...”

“I’m going to quit.”

“He won’t have any security then.”

“He’ll replace me with someone who won’t stab him.”

“You were angry. It’s not like this is new-”

“There are rules. Limits. You and Kokichi are supposed to be it.”

“...are you sure you don’t want to quit because you’re angry at him? Kaede was ready to talk to him tonight, according to the scribe...”

“...Did you put that idea in his head? That Kaede’s using me?”

“...”

“This isn’t like how it was with her and you, Shuuichi. And you always conveniently forget she saved you life doing that.”

“It doesn’t feel good being used and lied to, Maki...and if she did it to me she can do it to you.”

“She’s not like that.”

“...she’s a Momota, Maki…”

“So is Kaito.”

“Sure. The Queen’s pet cat was also lovingly called Lady Snuggles Momota. And that bitch scratched me every time I got near her…”

“That’s not kind, Shuuichi. That’s a shitty thing to say.”

“I’m not wrong. Momota’s are different. In another world, Kaito would have been one of them. A nightmare...”

“Kaede’s not like that….maybe to other people but-”

“Please, Maki. You’re not naive. Please don’t finish that sentence.”

“...but not to me.” Maki finished regardless, pouting.

There was a knock at the door, and with a sigh, Maki got up to answer it.

Kokichi swallowed and tried not to hide in Kaito’s arms as the door opened. Neither of them were ready to face Maki, both for what she’d done to them (Kaito) and what they’d done to her (Kokichi). But...it was just courtesy to let her know that they were home safe, at the very least. And...really, neither of them could abandon the other to face her alone. 

So, when the door opened to reveal her, Kokichi managed a small smile. “Hey, Maki-chan...we’re home. I...I know there’s a lot to talk through but...if it’s okay...could we start tomorrow? I don’t… I don’t have the right words right now, the ones that you deserve and...I really don’t want to make things worse by saying something wrong.”

“...just wanted to let you know we’re back.”

Maki looked down at Kokichi blankly. 

“...Shuuichi’s in here. He’ll take his medicine. Don’t come looking for him.”

Then she closed the door.

She walked back to her bed, flopped down, and said, “I’m the worst security officer ever.”

“In regards to stop stabbing/stabbing yourself ratios, I...think you’re coming out even?”

“Ugh…”

Kokichi sighed, stifling a cough. Downright garbage… He didn’t blame her for spending the night with Shuuichi...better friends than he could ever be for either of them…

...he didn’t want to spend the night alone. But...if people needed space…

Looking back up at Kaito, Kokichi’s expression was just...tired and ashamed. “...if you want our bed but don’t want me, I can take a spare room. Don’t wanna...force you anywhere uncomfortable…”

Kaito hadn’t been able to look at Maki, which was unnoticed, because she hadn’t so much as glanced at him. But, then she didn’t know he knew yet. That would be a whole...conversation.

Ugh…

“...do you wanna go to the observatory?” Kaito offered, surprising himself. He had thought of trying to share a bed with Kokichi in their room tonight and the idea was...weirdly uncomfortable, at this exact moment. But it wasn’t sharing the bed. It was just...being in their room. Too weirdly normal for everything that just happened. He felt wrung out…

“We don’t have too. I know you don’t feel good. We can just go to sleep.” Kaito offered. Just...deal with all of this in the morning…

...ugh…

Kokichi’s gaze, which had steadily dropped, snapped back up to Kaito in surprise. The observatory… He didn’t really feel up to stargazing but...that had never been the most frequent reason he went up there. 

Kokichi thought about asking if they could change into pajamas, brush their teeth and all that...but he found himself just...wanting to disappear wanting to get to bed already. Just settle down and...hope sleep was more peaceful than reality. 

“Okay,” he said. “Wanna grab your medicine and we can head up?”

There was something of an impulse to make some sort of joke, asking if Kaito would be okay carrying him up there, and at least he hadn’t carried a chair three flights already too. But it just felt… He wasn’t ready for that type of comfort yet. Not when he’d broken...basically every form of trust his friends had in him in one day.

...was there any way he could make it up to him? He’d protect them no matter what, and he’d promised Kaito that he wouldn’t be going anywhere...but sometimes continuing to be around a person to make things up to them was just for your own benefit. Sometimes it would really be kinder to them if you just...left. 

...god, he needed to get some rest. It was like his thoughts just lept from one spiral to the next. 

Kaito honestly didn’t know why he felt like the observatory was the next best place to be. He honestly just...he just wanted to stop feeling like this. And he didn’t want to bring this feeling into their bedroom. They rarely visited the observatory anyway. Kaito’s interest in stars had waned, in competition with all the other stuff he had to think about. It boggled his mind that he had ever had time to learn about stars in the first place. He felt like they were constantly just…

Well, yeah. His hobbies had fallen by the wayside, to say the least. 

And since the shrine wasn’t an option, sure. Let’s take all these bad feelings and just...put them somewhere else. 

So, Kaito nodded and said “Yeah, let me grab my meds real quick.” and headed into their room and, thinking about how the observatory might be a little cold, grabbed an extra blanket along with his medicine, heading to Kokichi. 

His husband looked miserable, and Kaito felt fucking terrible about that. He grinned. “You ready? Come here, babe, I’ll carry you. You still look too pale to me.” he admitted, reaching over to lift Kokichi.

Kokichi sighed but allowed himself to be picked up. He didn’t want to keep arguing tonight and...honestly, he didn’t really want to brave the two flights to the fifth floor and then the small staircase leading up to the observatory. Plus...it wasn’t like he had much of an argument anyway. If he was able to walk on his own, he wanted to. It tended to be one of the best reminders he could give people that he wasn’t actually bedridden all the time. And with all the rumors he started hearing once he started going out as himself...that some people had believed that he’d died years ago, or that he quite literally never left his room--despite pretty regularly going to festivals--or that he had a disability that left him unable to walk at all…

Yes, he was frail and prone to illness. Yes, sometimes that meant he couldn’t be very energetic, and sometimes he really couldn’t leave bed for swathes of time. 

...but it wasn’t all the time. 

He was thankful for Kaito’s help but...he’d ended up spending a lot of time he was healthy in Kaito’s arms too. 

...but that wasn’t right now, so he didn’t have much space to argue, if he even wanted to, which he didn’t. 

So Kokichi rested his head against Kaito’s shoulder and nestled in the blankets and managed a small smile. “Thanks, Kai-chan. You heard what Seiko said--I probably am going to come down with something--but she and you have prevented the worst of it. I know just telling you not to worry won’t keep you from it, but...I’ll be alright. Even if I get kinda cranky from it.”

“Hmmm.” Kaito hummed, not really up to saying anything about it. He really didn’t mind Kokichi’s health issues. Man, wow, he missed the days when the most he had to worry about what Kokichi’s health issues...oh, well, he guessed there was an assassination attempt going on back then too...Tengan asking (well, telling) Kaito to commit treason against his new husband...fuck, god, that horrifying, awful moment when Hideki had stopped by and said they...fucking told his parents about...ugh, Kaito had felt so…

Yeah. Maybe a lot of their current issues were actually old issues, around from the very beginning. Different concepts of justice, different concepts of kindness. Just building into this awful confrontation today.

Or maybe it was just Kaito. 

It was a long trip up the stairs, and honestly, Kaito was already so damn tired that by the time they got into the observatory itself, his legs were actually shaking a little, though he tried his best to hide that from Kokichi. His strength was literally his one, reliable asset. He didn’t want Kokichi to think Kaito couldn’t carry him when his husband needed him. 

And, mabe it was stupid? But he felt so relieved when he could lock the door behind them. 

It was colder in the observatory than it was in their room, and Kaito felt immediately guilty about this as he said to Kokichi, putting him down, “Are you sure this is okay? I don’t even really know why I suggested this.”

They didn’t talk as they rose through the castle. There were still so many conversations to be had but...for the night, at least, they’d said enough. Maybe too much. Maybe not in ways that could bridge the gap between them. Maybe there wasn’t anything quantifiable at all and Kokichi was just letting his tired, worn out mind try to justify meaning from chaos. 

Who the hell knew?

But without a conversation, Kokichi found himself becoming lulled by the slight bounce of Kaito carrying him, and by the time they actually came to the observatory, he’d closed his eyes, resting his head close to Kaito’s neck as his breath came in slow. Though, not slow enough to indicate he’d truly fallen asleep. 

Making a small, indistinct sound, Kokichi just huddled down in the layers of blankets around him. “...’s fine… Think I could sleep anywhere at this point, an’ if Kai-chan’s comfy here...then I’m happy…”

“...snuggle?” The question wasn’t very specific, not when Kokichi tottered over to the bed half-asleep and flopped down on it. He would’ve felt guilty for asking, just as he had when confronted with if he and Kaito would still sleep together at all, but...he was too tired to fret about the selfishness of such a request. He was chilled and Kaito was warm, and things generally felt better when he was in his husband’s arms, curled up against him. Tomorrow would be a trial but tonight...he wanted to snuggle with his husband like nothing was wrong.

Kaito took out his tablet and swallowed it down now, having waited till they got up here because the tablets made him a little woozy and he didn’t want to risk climbing the stairs on it. He...he wondered if he should ask Kokichi now what happened to his friends.

(His lovers.)

...Kokichi was half asleep. The question had waited this long. And Kaito wasn’t ready to face that new layer of grief anyway. 

“Yeah, of course.” Kaito said, following Kokichi into bed. God, fuck, he was tired. He had worried briefly he’d have difficulty sleeping, but the second he was in bed, the sheer exhaustion of having cried so hard earlier hit him like a brick, and Kaito burrowed his face into the pillow with relief as he pulled Kokichi into his arms.

Then, because Kaito was...he really was still trying to be a good husband (it was starting to occur to him that this was all his fault, somehow. He hadn’t worked out the details yet. He’d get there.), Kaito kissed the top of Kokichi’s head and said, “Everything’s okay, ‘Kichi. This all feels bad because we’re so tired. We’ll manage through this once our brains are less fried, okay? We’re going to get past this…”

Kokichi didn’t think it would feel any less bad in the morning. Maybe just...something that they could even attempt to try and manage. Maybe that was what ‘okay’ meant. They had no choice but to make it through. Through Kokichi’s disgraceful sniveling, they’d already agreed in a way to keep their marriage going. Neither of them were going to abandon Shuuichi or his child. Maki’s situation was...more difficult, more uncertain, but they both did love her. Kokichi wasn’t sure if they’d make it through with that friendship he had cherished so much intact...but he would do all he could for Maki’s safety and the futures of those she loved. Hopefully that would be enough for the both of them. 

...what was done was done, though. And…

Kokichi scrunched up his face and let out a little sigh, trying to wake himself up a little more. 

“...I said I’d tell you what happened when we got back home. Is now okay...or?”

Kaito tensed…

He stared at the star patterns past Kokichi’s shoulders. He liked the way they hung from the ceiling. Monique had always gotten bored with Kaito when he talked about star stuff, space stuff, all that...but she had loved the star patterns. He used to draw little constellations on her skin, the light touches making her laugh and smile…

He closed his eyes. Already feeling them burning. “...is it terrible?”

Kokichi sighed again, just...wishing he could tell a lie. One of the lies that Kaito loved that when he said so, made Kokichi’s cheeks heat up and made him giggle and think that Kaito really was one of the most special people in the world, at least to him.

A lie might be something Kaito could live happily in. Apparently it was what he “wanted”, according to Maki and Shuuichi. But Kokichi was very good at specifically not giving people what they want and… Maybe it did make him a monster from Kaito’s point of view, but he couldn’t let his husband live in that happy fantasy. 

“...yeah. It’s bad enough that…”

“...I don’t...actually remember that conversation really well. I don’t even remember Maki-chan bringing me home at all. But...when I found out...I lost it. Not like I did today but...in a different way.” Kokichi pressed his forehead against Kaito’s shoulder, closing his eyes as his heart ached painfully, in some ways still mourning people he had never met. Still enraged by their circumstances, even if the details were fuzzy and loose in his head. 

But it was nothing to how Kaito would feel. 

“...I wouldn’t blame you if you only wanted to know the barest version of what happened. And even if you did want to know every piece...I can’t give you that, since I don’t know myself. But...they’re really important people to you, and if you want to know, you deserve to know everything I can give. And...if all you want...if all you can bear is a yes or no question, I’ll just give that to you too.”

“...which conversation.” Kaito asked, because he could only think of one conversation where Maki and Kokichi had been away from him and he didn’t want that to be true. “With who?”

“...Togami and that woman who let us know what was going on when you were about to be kidnapped,” Kokichi whispered, his heart sinking as… He hadn’t realized that Kaito didn’t know about that. He thought that...well, everyone had been told that he and Maki had talked with Togami to try and negotiate with him to not kidnap Kaito. It had been how they found out he was being drugged, and that the person Kaito had been seeing for therapy wasn’t Dr. Ford. 

Kaito knew those two things so… He’d said Maki had been keeping news on lock down but he’d thought… ...damnit.

...they really thought Kaito couldn’t handle anything.

Kaito thought of Togami down in the dungeon...well, Dicea’s version of a dungeon, anyway. A room, really. He knew Togami had been shipped to Luminary, in the end. Partly for his citizenship there, and for his crimes against Kaito that Luminary would want him to answer for. Kaito had already sent a letter asking Byakuya to spare him. To send him to Danganronpa next. Promising to be better at communicating and that he’d call him as often as Byakuya wanted and anything else his brother might want, in exchange.

He remembered that desperate, familiar feeling of love he had felt seeing Togami again...how hard it had been to walk back out of that room.

“...did Togami hurt them?”

...in terms of Dicean justice and law...sort of yes. They had been kidnapped and killed because of Togami. But...Kokichi could remember the regret in the man’s eyes, even if he didn’t seem all that beat up about their deaths. He had never wanted them to be hurt. 

In terms of Dicean justice and law, the story didn’t stop there, and to be kind, Kokichi omitted that first part. 

“No. He had witnessed...things...but...from his own testimony, he had been unable to stop what was happening. ...I...I remember having my own doubts about that, but I don’t…” Kokichi huffed softly, his brow knitting in. “...whatever I thought, I never knew the extent of the situation. I can’t help being angry, but I can’t judge someone’s reactions to something I’ve never experienced.”

Kokichi wanted to elaborate more, but...he still wasn’t sure how much Kaito wanted to know. Kokichi knew he could be a bit of a chatterbox at times, but he didn’t want it to hurt Kaito. Not like this. 

Kaito let out a relieved breath, and in that breath said in a rush, “No, no, of course he wouldn’t, I don’t know...I don’t know why that thought even entered my head. Of course he wouldn’t. Togami’s not like that. Of course he wouldn’t…”

Togami had loved him. According to him, had been forced to leave him all those years ago. Of course he wouldn’t have done something that...so specifically would have hurt so many people Kaito in particular would care ab…

“...they’re all dead?”

Kokichi frowned softly. Again, he couldn’t quite remember, and he’d been busy in recovery while Togami had been in holding and he hadn’t been back to visit him but… Something in the back of his mind told him that his impression of Togami was that...while he did care for Kaito...he couldn’t give a damn about any of the people Kaito cared about, when push came to shove. He wouldn’t go out of his way to hurt them, but he wouldn’t lift a finger to save them either. And...that at some point, he just liked the concept of Kaito more than who he actually was. 

...that might’ve been anger seeping into his evaluation, though. 

Closing his eyes, Kokichi took a breath as the big question came. “...all but two. I don’t know who the two are, and they’re reported to have joined the Remnants. We don’t have anything to prove otherwise but… I don’t know. Part of me feels that it’s more of a...prisoner of war type deal than them actually joining those loons. ...we don’t know where they are, either. Luminary or Danganronpa, most likely, but...we really have no idea.”

...even that ‘good’ news wasn’t very good. 

Two of them were alive…

...two of them were alive…

...only two…

Who among his ex-loves would join a terrorist organization to save their own lives? At the moment...Kaito genuinely wished all of them would have. Honor and loyalty was great, until that honor and loyalty required the life of someone he loved. If they had been given the opportunity? Kaito could feel how desperately he wished they had just...taken it and lived…

If it was a matter of volunteering to betray Luminary or be subservient to the group, then Bailsong and Saber were dead. Probably Samuel too...would Marcus have felt pressured to join him? If it came to saving the lives of innocent people, of not wanting to be part of the groups attacks, then...fuck, Kore and Monique and Rawr were...probably dead...if it was a matter of not wanting to disappoint the people closest to them then…

Oh god he was never going to stop trying to guess who it was.

In that train of thought laid madness, and Kaito recognized that as he closed his eyes and swallowed several times, holding Kokichi closer. God, he could feel the insanity there. Trying to guess what had happened, what had motivated his friends, their enemies, what decision had led to their deaths and trying to work out through theory who among them could be alive...god please, Atua, please stop doing this to him just give them all back…

“...none of them deserved it.” Kaito said, swallowing his grief bitterly. Acid churning horribly in his stomach which was squeezing itself into knots. “I loved them...it’s not fair. It’s not fair. None of them...M-monique was gonna be an archaeologist. She was gonna dig cities out of the dirt. Korekiyo already had a bachelors in Anthropology and was working on his masters. He used to say people were beautiful. I thought for awhile I was going to bind myself to him someday...oh fuck, he went to his trials alone…”

Kaito bit the inside of his teeth and a sob shaked through him. His brain hot and racing as he said, putting things out into the universe as if saying it aloud would change anything, “Chad cared about me. I don’t care what anyone says. It wasn’t his fault. Rawr was sweet and smart, god, Kokichi, he was so incredibly smart. He was going into medicine. He used to joke he was going to cure death someday...b-but sometimes I think he meant it…”

Kaito laughed to himself, entirely lost to his memories as he continued on, almost forgetting Kokichi was even there as he murmured somewhat hysterically to himself, “Bailsong was strong. She was so strong. Nothing phased her. And she was always trying to be kinder...she wasn’t...she struggled with understanding people, but she was trying. Saber was a leader. He was going to do amazing things when he became head of his family. I remember thinking that I should marry him, just so he had a chance to be king one day...Sahara was in a bad place, mentally, almost all the time I knew her, but she was so compassionate. She cared so much about things...I barely even dated Komaru and...technically, I never was with Kolesandra...why were those two taken…”

And that was when Kaito realized he hadn’t actually asked this yet. He just...it couldn’t be a coincidence. There was no way…

“...am I the reason they all were taken?” he asked. Tired.

Kokichi had already cried so much that day. Had gone from feeling nothing to feeling everything and then almost back to that numbness, just from how exhausted he was from feeling everything. But as Kaito talked about his friends, his past lovers, people that, even if it had only ended up as a fling, still had that sort of emotional connection to Kaito…

Kokichi felt his eyes burn and water, and again tears spilled over. They were silent, but they were there. “It’s not fair,” he whispered in agreement, bitterly angry all over again by what had happened. He hadn’t known any of them, and, as Kaito spoke, had only known even fewer by stories. But by the fact they were people at all...it infuriated him. But without a place to put that fury (without Togami in front of him to shout at, to demand that he should’ve tried harder, that if his friend really valued him at all she never would’ve done any of this) it just hurt. It hurt, and his battered heart had had a hell of a day, and just like with the deaths of the Brockman family, there were wounds that he didn’t think would ever truly heal. 

That’s what a death meant. Nothing would ever fill the hole that a person left when they died. You could--had to--move on in their memory to not be another person leaving another hole in someone else’s heart, and the joy that knowing a person brought always outweighed the pain that came from their loss, but it would always hurt. 

So. Brent was going to make a comic book. Monique was going to be an archeologist. Those would always be wounds in a heart that, by now, was so torn it barely looked like it could hold anything, let alone the care and love Kokichi had for his entire kingdom. Maybe because it was always, continually filling. 

Kokichi sniffled quietly and wiped his eyes as...well...the next big question came to be. 

“...There’s a member of the Remnants that Togami is friends with. Apparently...they’d been trying to convince him to kidnap you for a long time, but he refused. So...to convince him… They were all hostages...essentially. Togami came to kidnap you so that friend wouldn’t do it all over again.” Kokichi took a shallow, shuddering breath, angry and upset. “...there’s more to it than that, but that’s what I know. And I know you’re not going to think of it this way, but...the only person to blame is that Remnant member. I’m still angry at Togami for associating with them...but at the end of it all, it’s all that person’s fault. Not yours.”

...what a remarkably stupid reason to kill eleven people…

...if they were going to kill them anyway, why not just...why not just threaten Kaito...to save all their lives? To spare Togami?

Kaito would have just...gone?

Why not...after they were taken? Just a letter would have done it. Go back to the love of your life to save people you had loved at different parts of your life? Or all of those people died and Togami was left trying to kidnap you and being potentially sent to his execution??? That...why wouldn’t they have thought Katio wouldn’t have...Even if it had been after the marriage, with the treaty secured and so much at risk?

Of course he would have...why hadn’t they just...why???

...why was...Kaito never offered choices…

Kokichi was right. Even though he knew, and would probably be able to better understand later, what Kokichi was saying to him right now...Kaito kept just thinking that they’d all be alive right now if he was just...fucking better...what kind of monster wouldn’t sacrifice his own freedom to save the lives of his loved ones? Why hadn’t anyone just fucking asked!? Did he seem that selfish!? Or just...did they just assume he wouldn’t be able to say yes…

He would have, he would have, guys, he was so sorry...he was so so so sorry…

Kaito didn’t have any more questions. It was all so stupid. So pointless and unfair. So fucking stupid...and Kaito didn’t know what else to say as his mind spiraled around that thought. How all of their lives could have been saved if literally anyone had just asked him...of course he would have gone...of course he would have fucking gone…

They died, they died, they all died because no one trusted Kaito with fucking anything.

Kaito couldn’t help himself. It wasn’t Kokichi’s fault, but he felt suffocated holding him. He turned around and grabbed his pillow and put it over his head and just fucking cried for awhile. So angry at himself. If he was better, people wouldn’t do this. His loved ones would stop dying. Please stop killing his loved ones, please, he’d do anything…

Kokichi didn’t move as Kaito turned away from him, didn’t have any more words to say. His condolences would not do much good at the moment. Maybe down the line Kaito would need someone to sympathize with, but right now…?

Kokichi just closed his eyes and let his tears fall, his absolute fury at that Remnant...who he couldn’t remember a single thing about. He remembered Togami saying that they had been sad that he had been butthurt over not being with someone he had left years and years ago, but…

...what a despicable, selfish person. He supposed he shouldn’t expect more from someone in a death cult, and, by the sounds of it, didn’t have the caveat of being literally children. 

...but there was nothing he could do about it. If there was Remnant activity in Dicea, they could apprehend those individuals, but as for going out for the cult in other countries? There was no way to do that without ending up declaring an act of war, even if it wasn’t the country they were after. There had been no reports of kidnappings they could use to enter other countries with that intent either. All the people Itch had gotten addicted to the spores were still in Dicea. That they could prove, anyway…

Kokichi could be good to his country, but everything outside of it was untouchable. The Remnants, every broken policy in Luminary…

...he did have enough on his plate looking after Diceans. But it was hard not to wish that there was something more he could do when what happened in other countries so directly impacted the people around him. 

...he didn’t resent Kaito. But...Kokichi couldn’t help but wonder what the world would look like to him if he hadn’t been married to a foreigner. If all his problems had remained Dicean problems...even if the Remnants were still around, but it sounded like the admins had closed down Itch’s operation without any input that his Luminous-Diceans had brought. 

Only Dicean problems...likely still from the inside of a cage. 

Kokichi curled up against Kaito’s back and cried himself to sleep. 

-

Kaito had a lot of bad dreams that night, but he woke up not really remembering any of them. He sort of vaguely got the sense he was trying to justify himself to his mentor at some point. He couldn’t remember how the conversation had went, but she had been so disappointed in him…

When he woke up, he felt weirdly numb.

It was a little like the numbness he had felt since he had left medical. Everything still hurt, but there was almost a sense of...kind of who cared? Someone had peer-pressured his ex to kidnap him by killing all his other ex’s (except two. Which two? Who knew.) and Maki was trying to talk Kokichi into helping her and his cousin kill his brother. Oh, and Kokichi was suicidally depressed again. And Shuuichi needed to go to his doctors appointment today for the kid he doesn’t want to have.

...like...ah well…

In a way, the numbness was good. It would be way easier to function like this. Also, maybe it would make his thinking clearer?  He had been so angry last night he had wanted to divorce Kokichi. Which, probably wasn’t actually a thing he could even do. Heh. Sure, Kaito. End the marriage that ended a fifteen year war. See if no one objected to that. 

Fucking idiot.

Kaito chuckled lightly to himself, and then got confused. Where was Kokichi...oh, on the other side of him. Kaito turned over and gently put a hand on his husbands forehead, checking on him.

...sigh. Yeah. That was a fever.

Maybe he should take him to the healers….

Kaito gently roused Kokichi, “Hey, babe...you’re burning up...how do you feel? Do you wanna go down to medical?”

He really was such an idiot. No one expected twenty-year-olds to be anywhere near perfect, having complete holds on responsibility and reasoning and maturity, but, really, sometimes Kokichi could be a huge idiot. 

The observatory didn’t have a fireplace, and it wasn’t insulated by other rooms, and it was only due to the physics of heat rising that the room wasn’t an ice cube in the winter. Or...ice dome in the middle of fall?

Whatever it was, the room wasn’t freezing, but that’s certainly how Kokichi felt when Kaito gently shook his shoulder. Other than his head, which felt like a campfire, and not for the purpose of roasting marshmallows. 

Kokichi pried his eyes open, immediately closing them as a headache throbbed a loud warning, and he tried to swallow, feeling his mouth dry and scratchy. Trying to breathe through his nose told him why. 

Groaning quietly, it was pretty clear from his voice that Kokichi’s nose was stuffed. “Mmb sorry… No’ good...yeah…” He wanted to elaborate, reassure Kaito that he could just ask someone else to bring him down to the medical wing because...well...surely Kaito was sick of him (ha) at the current moment. But all he could do was faintly grimace, swallowing again to fruitless try and soothe his throat.

“Shhhh, it’s alright.” Kaito said, kissing his burning forehead before signing, sitting up and pulling Kokichi into his lap, taking one of the lighter blankets and putting it around his shoulder before standing up, Kokichi sitting on his hips and arms and warmed by the blanket as Kaito said, “It’s just a cold, probably, but let’s have the healers see if they can’t ease your symptoms and stuff, yeah? Man, you can’t get a break, huh babe?”

Kaito chuckled a little, feeling bad as Kokichi sniffled, trying to breath, but...if it was just a cold, it was probably fine, right? They had medicines to help colds. Kokichi would be feeling better soon. 

Everything was fine.

Rubbing Kokichi’s back (seriously. Feeling numb was so much better then how he felt last night.) Kaito headed downstairs to medical.

When he walked in with Kokichi wrapped up in his arms, there were a few immediately concerned looks as a few healers came up to him immediately, (one of those looks openly suspicious) asking what had happened and taking Kokichi from Kaito to put into bed. Kaito was more or less honest with them. Kokichi had been in the cold too long the night before and had woken up burning up. How long was he in the cold? A number of hours. What was he doing there?

Kaito just grinned vacantly at that. Did it matter?

As the healers got things ready, Kaito went over to Kokichi and ran a hand through his hair. “Do you need anything babe? Did you want me to bring you some juices or something? Something from the dining hall?” he asked, assuming it’d be okay to feed his husband.

Kokichi sighed a sort of huff, having known this was exactly what he was going to have to deal with today as soon as Seiko had explained it to him. Thankfully it was exposure-based and not some bug going around, so he really would only need a few days of annoying coddling before he’d be back on his feet, but...seriously… 

God, he was an idiot.

There were a million things Kokichi had to worry about--trying to make amends with Maki, Shuuichi’s doctor’s appointment, just...everything? With Kaito? Work in general, Kaede expecting a call today since they’d missed it last night…

And he would worry about all those things, but for now, the best thing he could do really was just to rest. Let his body start sorting itself out and try not to throw any more wrenches in. He could have another meltdown later. 

Kokichi withstood the healers’ fussing with the patience of someone who’d done it hundreds of times, and at least in that fussing someone got him a glass of water. It didn’t do much to soothe his throat, but it was enough to help him manage a small, tired smile when Kaito came to his side. 

“You’re swee-d… Can ya get me someb honey tea? Usually helbs…”

Pfff...listen to that adorable suffering...poor guy. Kaito gave his husband a small, genuinely affectionate grin as he said, “Yeah, alright. Just give me a bit, I’ll come back up with it. Just get comfy, ‘Kichi, everything’s going to be fine.”

He kind of believed that. Kaito was the kind of guy who said things looked better in the morning because, for him personally, that was usually basically true. If not better, then more manageable, anyway. If it felt like the whole world was falling apart? Even if it was...usually a decent night sleep helped anyway.

They’d deal with all of this. They’d manage. Everything yesterday had hurt, but already that hurt was fading. Kaito would pray about it all soon. Maybe even while he was cleaning his shrine. Atua would guide him...or at least bring him some comfort. Maybe he could convince Kokichi to pray with him once, before there was blood again? As much fun as he had had with Shuuichi...it actually would be nice to just pray with someone for once…

...probably not. Kaito was pretty sure his religion made Kokichi uncomfortable. He probably wouldn’t pray with him.  But it was nice to daydream about, anyway.

Tea was easy enough to get, and Kaito didn’t have any desire to eat that morning himself. He didn’t see any sign of Shuuichi and Maki there, and Maki had likely taken Tim to school herself today, so he wasn’t there either. So he just got the tea and went upstairs and gave it to Kokichi and sat by his bed for awhile...until a healer took him aside and firmly but politely told him that there was another patient in the medwing today that also needed their help and Kaito’s presence was making things stressful on them...so Kaito had told Kokichi he’d come back up later and check on him and had then started just...wandering the castle.

He didn’t have a plan or a goal. He didn’t have a destination. When he ended up in the garden, he explored it a bit because he had nothing else to do. It was a nice garden. Nicer than anything they had at home. Even during fall, with all the plants dying, it was still nicer...so, when Kaito found a little stone sun-dial with a description on it in a language he didn’t know, tucked away in the corner surrounded by hedge bushes by itself, he sat down on the grass and watched it curiously. Never having seen one in real life before.

The little shadow on the stone clock moved a half hour, and he heard footsteps behind him.

They’d gotten snow the night before. Just barely what could be considered snow, but it had been below freezing and there had been precipitation, and thus, snow. It wasn’t unheard of for Usot to get snowfall even before the start of Mid-Fall, but it was rather early. Likely, that was a sign that it was going to be a harsh winter. He’d have to talk to Ryouhei about making notices warning the cityfolk and travelers, make sure they’d have ample room assignments for anyone who wanted to stay in the castle like last year when the city had been snowed in. 

Snow. Always such a hassle. He’d never leave when there was so much work to do, but...every now and then, Hideki did think about snowbirding, heading south when the weather turned frigid. Apparently Novis had a wet season as its winter and never snowed. 

...he’d loathe seeing it alone. 

Hideki glared at the ground as he walked, huddled in a thick coat and a fluffy scarf. Did the sharpness of the chill still constitute as fresh air? Literally yes, but at what cost. 

The secretary forced himself to raise his eyes, determined to enjoy his break even with the miserable weather that would only get worse, and...well, enjoyment went out the window. Seeing Prince Kaito sitting out in the cold, almost flaunting his resistance… Hideki made a ‘tsk’ing sound in the back of his throat, hurrying his pace to leave the young man be.

Kaito looked over his shoulder, actually not recognizing the guy for a solid moment. He hadn’t seen much of Hideki since the Secretaries had left. He looked curiously at him, the same numb, amused apathy that had been getting him by before yesterday and was even stronger today allowing him to think ‘Man...he looks stressed.’

And, just to make certain he had the right person, Kaito called out, “You’re Hideki. Aren’t you? The head secretary?”

Unfortunately, duty called. Even if the person calling was better left locked in their ivory tower they adored so much. Hideki stopped, looking at Kaito with the same annoyed look he wore while in front of any Luminary...to an extent. He might’ve been called tactless in the past, but he did still have some. Barely repressed disdain apparently was acceptable enough while the Luminary Party had wallowed around. 

“I am,” he dryly replied. “If you needed something, I would think that understanding basic etiquette was not beyond you, but I’ve been surprised before. Find me during office hours.”

Again, he tried to walk off, his jaw starting to tense and blood starting to heat up. At least it was effective in warding off the chill.

...Kaito grinned. His heart upticking a little.

“Testy, huh?” he observed. Looking at Hideki in open fascination. “What’s your office hours then? So that I know when to come bother you?”

Hideki’s eyebrow twitched. “...damn warmongers…”

“I’m aware Luminary leaves most of their citizens to waste and die, but I’d think they’d at least teach their showpets to read.” Hideki knew it wasn’t fair. But by now, he just didn’t care. Aiichi and Kokichi were PR, not him. “They’re posted outside my office. What a novel concept.”

He’d been sympathetic to Kaito, once. When Sayuu and Aihito had sent their reports of all the things they’d found out from making friends in the Luminary capital. The boy’s childhood was a nightmare surrounded by nightmare people, and what had happened on the princes’ wedding night was just another chapter in that horror story. Kaito was just another victim in the Luminous slaughter machine. 

And he was, but he had also been mired in that poison for so long that Hideki’s sympathy had faded easily. Isolating Kokichi, snapping and threatening everyone else in the castle, not to mention all the other things that Hideki had found out when communications between the once warring nations were allowed to be casual again. Taking advantage of the wholly unearned power just his last name gave him to hurt people who couldn’t fight back. Continuing to ride on his status as a prince despite the fact he’d never worked on any policy in his life. 

Then that whole mess at the coast…

Hideki didn’t like Luminary. And Kaito embodied a whole lot of it. 

...showpet…

Kaito grinned. Standing up. “Alright!” He said cheerfully. “I’ll go check it out. Kokichi’s sick again, and I don’t have a job, so I have plenty of time right now...I am certain I will find time to fit into your busy schedule.” Kaito assured him, turning around and heading past Hideki.

“Oh, where's your office again?” Kaito asked, turning back to give Hideki a glassy grin, “Is it that one near King Aiichi’s?”

“Two down from it. The walls are thick but I’d’ve lost my mind hearing Aiichi sing to himself while he works regardless.” Giving Kaito a stinkeye before either of them left, Hideki sighed. “If you just wanted to trash it, I can prosecute you for that. Though I suppose consequences never matter to your kind anyway.”

Kaito rolled his eyes, “Wow. You really think I’d destroy government property like that? I mean, that’s fair,” Kaito said, giving Hideki an excited, energetic look as he smirked, “As a Luminary, I do love to destroy things...it’s my favorite hobby. But, nah, that’s not what I had in mind. I just want to do my citizens duty, and reach out to my city officials with concerns during their normal business hours! Causing no disturbance to anyone!”

Kaito gave Hideki a one-sided grin as he tilted his head slightly, something curious in his tone as he asked, “I mean, I wouldn’t be causing a disturbance, right? Other Diceans wouldn’t avoid or get spooked from visiting your office just because the Luminary Prince was waiting outside all day, right? I don’t have that kind of affect on anyone here, right?”

“Didn’t stop you from ripping apart your husband’s desk,” Hideki muttered before giving Kaito a long, indecipherable look.

“Maybe to some. You do have explosive anger issues that you haven’t fulfilled your court orders for yet, though I doubt six weeks would even scratch the surface of whatever fuckery’s going on in your head.”

“It’s public knowledge that you had been drugged, but there are some who want to believe that’s a convenient excuse to let you off the hook for trying to murder Kokichi.” Hideki shrugged a little. “You likely have more experience than I, seeing people simply refuse to accept facts. In all fairness, critical thinking tends to benefit those who use it over blind acceptance, but it’s rather insulting when the informative party has a clean track record. Perhaps personal experience with the gruesome side of Luminary’s failure is enough to overshadow good will. I’m sure anthropological-psychologists will have a blast for decades trying to decipher this year alone.” 

Kaito flinched at the comment of murdering Kokichi. He wanted to sneer that at least Kokichi was finally going to go do some therapy of his own for the suicidal tendencies you fuckers have known he has for years...but he swallowed that one down. He wanted a fight so, so bad right now...but airing out Kokichi’s stuff like that was crossing a line that Kaito wasn’t willing to cross. At least not right now, with his head more or less on his shoulders.

Then Kaito started to get a little lost. He knew Luminary was being insulted, but...well, he recognized one part of it at least. “...I don’t refuse to accept facts.” Kaito muttered, glaring at the man now. He didn’t. He didn’t. Why did people keep saying that? 

And then, in the next breath, he said, “And Luminary’s not a failure...we have problems. Just like anyone.”

...that was enough to garner a curious look from Hideki now. He had never said that Kaito, specifically, refused to accept reality. It could be construed that way, certainly, but it was interesting that Kaito had picked up on it so quickly. 

And his answer came nearly immediately. Self-projection was an odd phenomena for sure.

Hideki then just gave Kaito a cool look. “Your so-called leaders have not earned the trust of the people. That is a failure. The Luminary economy is a shitshow, the wealth disparity so vast that you have some people with so much wealth that they literally cannot spend it fast enough, not that they even try, and then you have others without a cent to their name. That is a failure. Your judicial and persecutory branches have no accountability systems put in place. You do not have any anti-torture laws. You have no employer accountability laws. You have no blanket healthcare. You have legalized a form of mental abuse, torture, and slavery, not to mention sexual abuse under the name of religion.”

“And you kill people for amusement,” Hideki growled, the fire in his blood breaking through the cool sheet of ice for a moment before he huffed, letting it go again. “I’ve yet to see a single nation exist that is anywhere near perfect. We all try to tackle the undertaking of living together in different ways, and every way has their problems. But the state of Luminary as it is is not just a different way of living. It is a broken system. One that I truly wish was on the other side of the planet and not our goddamned neighbor. I sincerely look forward to the day that farce of a nation dissolves and just maybe smaller settlements can start to get a hold of themselves.”

The look on Kaito’s face could generously be called...stressed.

He kept wanting to interrupt. To defend himself. His home. But every time he had a half-formed argument made up in his head, the secretary just moved on to the next thing that Kaito had to muster some sort of argument for, floundering a little more each time.

They had the peoples trust! The rebellions were outliers, not-

A-anyone could take out a loan! And if they couldn’t pay off their debt, they just needed to sell some time and-

What was...accountability laws? Why did they need anti-torture laws? Why did they need healthcare, anyone could just get a loan-

...h-his friends weren’t being abused…

His religion wasn’t sexual abuse! 

And by the time Hideki had so much as slowed down, Kaito was starting to sweat, fighting both his desire to fucking attack him...but also really, really trying to get arguments put together in his head. Even if it was just for himself. None of that...okay, it was true, but….but not the way he said it...there was…

He was struggling so hard to keep up with Hideki that eventually all he managed to say was, “...we don’t kill people for amusement. No one does that...and we’re not gonna...dissolve.” Kaito started to worry his joints, popping them over and over as he insisted, “Byakuya’s gonna fix all that. All the stuff that needs fixing...my religions not sexual abuse...”

Hideki gave Kaito a dark look, though there was something more to it than just hatred. There was...a deep, aching loss, grief, a fatigue born from fifteen years of trying to manage madness. Hideki had his personal loss, and…

...he had always hated winter. He just wasn’t made for the cold. Growing up in a tropical nation, Toshio hadn’t been either. Hideki had always hated winter, but now people knew to avoid him if they could during it. Or...at least through the latter half of midwinter. 

But that was just him. Hideki had been working as an administrative clerk for Dicea for the past twenty-five years. Far longer than the war, and he had no inkling he’d stop anytime soon now that it was over either. He had seen droughts and tropical storms that had devastated communities, hate groups not unlike the Lineage Resistance Group and the Remnants of Despair come and go, always beaten down by Dicea, but not without taking good people with them. There were stacks of missing persons reports he could recite, all with footnotes detailing worried families and concerned citizens. 

As secretary--and as the leader and heir both did too, though Kokichi had never told Kaito--Hideki was shouldering not just his personal loss, but the loss of hundreds of Diceans who had laid down their lives for their loved ones, and the trauma of hundreds more who had survived it. Every single person who had fought to protect Dicea had a good reason for it. 

All to protect their home from a lunatic. 

“Tell that to the veterans who watched your countrymen prolong a kill just to torture someone. For the reason this entire war even started.”

And, because he never left anything alone, Hideki sighed. “I’ll believe it when I see it, but there are points of no return with these sorts of things, and Luminary may be unsalvageable even for the most adept hands. And the worship of Atua is not sexual abuse, but how people use it as an excuse to enact sexual abuse points to a rudimentary flaw in its application as a national religion. If there is no consequence for someone doing evil in your god’s name, there is not much difference practically in the religion advocating it.”

… Kaito didn’t know what to say…

He had wanted a fight. Had been so excited for it. Finally, a Dicean who wasn’t trying to hide their disdain under that bullshit nice act they all put on...and, yeah, he knew that for most of them it probably wasn’t an act. But all of them!? Just...just someone fight him already! He wanted it! He was practically begging for it! 

...but, like it had gone back when Kokichi had first started hesitantly pointing out the flaws in Luminary to Kaito, Kaito quickly found himself overwhelmed with this kind of logical argument. Ashamed and embarrassed, because...there had to be real, actual answers and arguments to Hideki’s accusations and dismissals. There had to be...but Kaito was just too fucking stupid to know what they were…

“...Dicea’s not fucking perfect.” Kaito muttered, looking around uncertainly. “Maybe we...maybe...we don’t fucking let murderers and rapists go hang out with people. We don’t tell little fucking kids that they just have to get over it when someone comes to fucking kill them...we don’t let people who would succesfully kill their queen just...get by on the punishment of not having friends...it’s fucking horrifying that you guys think that you’re place is so fucking nice and friendly because you just don’t...fucking...any place that doesn’t punish criminals is going to look like it has a low fucking crime rate...you just let people do whatever they want and then move the fuck on…”

Hideki gave Kaito a look like he was just tired that the young man wasn’t getting it. “Dicea is far from perfect. Everyone here will tell you that. That you feel the need to point it out says more about you than it does about us.”

“And it seems you have a fundamental misunderstanding of our judiciary system. Rapists do not get to ‘hang out with people’,” Hideki quoted, giving Kaito a more straightforward dark look. “I can understand your misunderstanding there, since Kokichi has refused to prosecute you. I doubt he realizes it, but his kindness can be a terrible burden. To anyone with a shred of decency inside them, at least. It seems to be motivation for most.”

With that line of thought, though, Hideki realized where Kaito was coming from. “...you do realize that, at the very least, it’s been ten years since the last attempt on Kokichi’s life. Or, it had been, until quite recently.” Another stinkeye.

“Are you really that shortsighted to think that how things are now are how they’ve been for a decade?” he scoffed. “With every person employed at this castle who had ever even thought to raise a hand against Kokichi, he sought them out despite everyone around him trying to keep everyone separated. Even being terrified of genuinely terrifying people, a small child went around people’s backs to try and bring solace to broken souls.”

Hideki sighed, expression softening for the first time from more than just fatigue. “...I think he’s tempered it, but Kokichi can really be a cruel person. If you give people time and resources, the vast majority of the time they’ll change for the better. Instead, the kid is unfailingly kind and sends people into mental breakdowns that affect them the rest of their lives. Every person who has been in that position has sworn themselves to the betterment of Dicea with a level of commitment only an Ouma is supposed to sacrifice.”

“...well, that, or they become the reason we install new safety measures around the castle. Poor Aurhim, the bastard. Couldn’t take the forgiveness and just had to show a child a corpse. Disgraceful.” 

“We’re not friendly, we’re not nice, and we have a fairly average crime rate. We just don’t kill people for their mistakes. That lets them get away from the responsibility of the pain they’ve caused, and still some try.” Hideki loved the Dicean people. You couldn’t be an admin without that love. But he was not particularly sympathetic. “Some things cannot be taken back. Then, yes, you have to move on. Dwelling forever is no better than killing yourself.”

Hideki leveled a glare at Kaito, their similar heights proving effective for this. “We do not allow people to escape into death that easily. People will pay back the pain they have caused, and if they’re lucky, they learn from it. If not, they will keep paying until they die of a naturally old age. This is not a kindness, Kaito. It would do you well to understand it.”

Kaito just stared at the ground.

...no escape huh…

Yeah...he guessed that was true…

He didn’t know who Aurhim was. Probably another story that would make Kaito’s stomach tighten with fury. He didn’t...he didn’t…

...he wasn’t going to survive this…

Kaito closed his eyes, rejecting the thought. You couldn’t think like that. He had too. He had too. He had too. You have a baby coming! You want to meet your baby, right? Kaito? You get to hear their little heartbeat. He’d...he’d do right by them, he...he wasn’t going to…

...Kaito ruined everything he touched. What if…

He couldn’t do this. It was agony.

He couldn’t live like this, forever??? Being constantly, constantly, constantly reminded of his failures. Of his families failures. He couldn’t do this. Fuck, Atua please…

He was leaderboard of Kokichi’s murderers. He had raped Kokichi twice. He had gotten Shuuichi pregnant while he was hopped up on a drug...and had, apparently, deeply hurt Shuuichi by allowing Kokichi to do the same. His best friend was trying to murder his brother...because his brother...because her siblings…

Kaito wasn’t going to survive this. It was too much.

Kaito stared at Hideki, just...defeated. He didn’t know what to say to the old man. Each word had drained the fight out of him. Which was bad. Kaito needed the fight. Without it...it was just that constant, sick weight of guilt. Constant. Constant.

...Kaito ran his hand through his hair. Looked down at his feet a bit, then at Hideki. 

“...alright.” he said, going back to sit down at the sun-dial. Deciding to spend a little more time watching the shadow slowly move as he said, “I’ll stay away from your office. Sorry.”

Hideki took no pleasure in seeing the hollow pain in Kaito’s eyes. His debates were never to “win” in the first place, but this one even more than that. He wasn’t unfailingly kind and hope-inspiring like Kokichi, and the love of the people wasn’t enough for him like Aiichi. He was no longer mystified by life’s little curiosities like Mikaku, and he no longer had a small piece of the world untouched by anything else like Ryouhei. 

The love of his life, his best friend, was gone, and there was no way for him to ever come back. Hideki was never going to feel that sort of happiness again. 

There were people like Katsuki and Waku, as odd as they were, that had suffered through the pain of their making, and had decided to bring much more happiness into the world than they had ever personally experienced. Then there were the damned souls, it seemed, like himself and Kaito, just taking longer than Aurhim had. They kept moving forward because there was no choice otherwise. And then one day they would be gone. And that would be that.

“If you need something, my office is a resource for everyone. But stick to office hours.”

...which he really should be getting back to. ...damnit. What a waste of a break…

-

“..so, have I been kidnapped, or?”

“Shut up, Shuuichi, I just wanted to go on a walk.” Maki sighed, running her hands through her hair and idly scratching her neck, “Why is everything kidnapping with you?”

“I don’t know. It keeps happening. I’ve been kinda kidnapped twice in just as many months. Or at least two attempts, anyway. So, it’s sort of where my head goes now.” Shuuichi snarked a little, as he and Maki walked around town. They had been walking around town all day, after dropping Tim off at school. They had bought hot chocolates (for Shuuichi)  and coffee (for Maki) and were sipping it as they wandered. Maki, Shuuichi had decided, seemed perfectly content to just not go back to the castle anytime soon.

Considering she had half asked/kinda demanded he sleep with her last night and then half asked/sorta demanded he walk with her to take Tim to school, and Shuuichi didn’t really feel like he had any real room to say no to any of these requests, he was starting to suspect he was just along for the ride as Maki low-key ran away, taking him with her.

The whole thing eerily reminded him of both Kaito and Monokuma.

Oh well. He guessed it was nice to be wanted.

“I’m not kidnapping you. I just needed some air.”

“With me.”

“With you, sure. I’m allowed to hang out with my friend.”

“I have a doctor’s appointment today, Maki.”

“So?”

“So I can’t miss it running around town with you.”

“You’re not going to miss it. I’ll take you to it.”

“...”

“What?”

“...Maki, I need at least one of them there too…”

“No, you don’t.”

“I’d like to have one of them there. Both, honestly.”

“...”

“You’re mad at Kokichi. And you don’t want me around him right now because you’re mad at him.”

“...”

“That’s not fair to me, Maki.”

“If we go back to that castle, and I have to talk to Kaede alone and tell her that I have to leave her to her fate in Luminary…”

“I mean, you don’t have to.”

Maki went truly quiet at that. Staring at the sidewalk ahead of her as they walked, ignoring the glances that occasionally came their way. They were used to stares from people who recognized them. Only this time, it was because Shuuichi was the surrogate to the royal family, and not because of their jobs. Still, how you handled it was the same either way. Just ignore it until people crossed a line. Then handle it accordingly.

Shuuichi looked over at her. Not unsympathetically. He wasn’t trying to be cruel to his friend. This was just a conversation that needed to come up eventually. Might as well be now.

“You can leave any time you want. You’re not Indentured anymore. You can quit your job with Kokichi and leave and never let either of them catch up with you. Just go back to Luminary and do your mission or whatever.”

“...if I do that, there’s a risk that Byakuya’s orders will over-ride my wil-”

“No there isn’t.” Shuuichi sighed. “You were trained really, really well Maki. Your conditioning doesn’t make mistakes like that. Byakuya isn’t in your chain of command anymore. Only Kokichi and Kaito are. And if you run, the two of them will spend too much time arguing with each other about what to do to actually do anything about it. You don’t need Kokichi’s orders to stop Kaito or Byakuya. You just need to go.”

“...”

“You know that. Don’t you?”

“...I…” Maki looked warily over at Shuuichi, “...I would prefer to have...orders to do this...Kaede can’t make me. And...it’s harder to…”

“To kill people?” Shuuichi finished for her, giving Maki a soft look, “Without the voices demanding you do it?”

“...the youngest person on Kaede’s list is fourteen…”

“Which is exactly what you hated Byakuya for.” Shuuichi pointed out to her, tightening his scarf against the chilly fall air, “Your hatred of the Momota family didn’t come to a boil till they started sending you after people’s kids. But, what, it’s different when it’s Kaede?”

“...it’s a necessary sacrifice to fully take out the noble familie-”

“You don’t believe that.”

“My siblings need me to-”

“They don’t. They don’t need you to go out and abandon your own child to kill other people’s kids so that a different Momota can keep things the way they’ve always been anyway. None of our siblings want that for you, Maki. They’d be begging you not to do this.”

“I need to do something…I thought...I thought I had an ally in Kokichi and he…” Maki grit her teeth, looking hurt and frustrated as she said, “He crumbled on the very first step...I can’t trust him with this. He can’t help me. And now you’re trying to tell me Kaede isn’t a good option either? I need someone Shuuichi. I can’t just...kill people randomly until the problem solves itself. I need someone with a plan...someone who can follow through when I’m no longer useful.”

“...maybe we can…” Shuuichi sighed. Feeling foolish even as he said it, “...ask Kaito?”

Maki gave him a raised eyebrow.

“...Kaito’s royalty too. He has access to all the same connections as Kaede, Byakuya, and Kokichi. If he could just utilize those connections, he could-”

“He can’t.” Maki said, “You know he can’t, Shuuichi. Kaito falls apart whenever Byakuya so much as looks at him funny. And Byakuya’s the problem right now.”

“The nobles are the problem. They need to be convinced. Byakuya can’t rule an entire country by strong-arm alone, he needs their continued support to control the population, and if they withdraw that support from him in favor of someone else... and Kaito’s dated half of their kids-”

“Two of whom are now likely dead because of it, along with the sons and daughters of extremely wealthy, influential families. I wouldn’t be surprised if both the nobles and wealthy class were spitting on Kaito’s name right now, for how many of their heirs he just cost them.”

“We don’t know that’s true.”

“Believing anything else is naive.”

“...this would all be so much easier if we could just convince Byakuya.” Shuuichi sighed, lowering his hat over his eyes as he said, “If we could convince him to our side, with his position and knowledge and resources? A king that was willing and actually capable of doing things?”

“He’s a stubborn, pig-headed, narcissistic asshole. Who's going to convince him to change his mind about anything, let alone government policies?”

“Kaito?”

“Shuuichi, please. You know he can’t. All you’d be doing is stressing him out and making him feel shitty about himself when we ask him to try and he fails. It’s not a fair thing to do to him.”

“...maybe.”

“...we’ll go back soon, okay? We’ll find them before we go to your doctor’s appointment. I promise. I just...I need to decide if I’m going to resign before I see them. I should. I know I should. It’s the responsible thing to do.”

“You should wait to at least talk to Kokichi before you decide.”

“...I can’t believe he fell apart on me like that...I really thought he could handle more than that…”

“It’s a good reason why he needs security.”

“I was hoping I could rely on him...sometimes I feel like there’s really just…no one I can rely on…”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Shut up, pregnant druggy. Do you want to rest a bit?”

“...yeah.”

-

Kokichi knew better by now, so after Kaito had helped him with his tea and they’d talked softly for a bit, he just went to sleep. Letting the fever reducer and cough medicine do their stuff in his body without any distractions. Trying to do anything anyway would either make him ache or be done so poorly he’d have to re-do it later, so...sleep was best. Even if he still couldn’t breathe through his nose and had a disgustingly dry mouth. 

He guessed he managed to be out for a few hours by the time a healer--damnit...he always forgot their name…--roused him, giving him another round of medicine and asking if he’d be okay with company. Which was...a very different question than he was usually used to, and he didn’t quite process it at first. And once he did...he knew some of the healers really didn’t approve of Kaito, but surely they’d let him back in. And he doubted they’d make Aiichi or Ikuo wait away either.

...after yesterday...why would Maki and Shuuichi want to see him at all?

But he couldn’t let this chance go, even if his head was still stuffy and buzzing. So he asked the healer to help prop him up and said that he’d be happy to see any guests. 

...c’mon, Kokichi...for once in your life, don’t mess this up…

When Shuuichi had found out that Kokichi was sick and in medical, his first, stressfully shameful thought was ‘Well. Guess he’s not going to my doctor’s appointment with me.’

And that was shitty. It wasn’t Kokichi’s fault he was sick. It had been a stressful night and he had been out in the cold and with his constitution already, that was prime ingredients for getting sick. So, after some talking (and convincing of Maki) the two decided to go visit Kokichi and let him know what was going on and, presumably, ask Kaito if he wanted to go to Shuuichi’s doctor's appointment with him.

They had been surprised to discover Kaito was nowhere to be seen, according to the healers, and that he hadn’t been back in hours. The doctor's appointment was soon...Shuuichi’s stomach twisted in angry frustration. He swore, if Kaito forgot…

But the two went in anyway, Shuuichi’s face softening when he saw the state of his boyfriend, going to sit by his side as he said, “Hey Kokichi…” he said, reaching out to offer Kokichi his hand as he said, “You look a little rough. How are you feeling?”

Maki, in turn, looked Kokichi over, but stayed back near the door. Looking blank and stand-offish.

Kokichi wasn’t feeling nauseous from his cold, but he still felt his stomach swoop when Shuuichi and Maki came by. His look at Maki wasn’t so much hurt--he understood perfectly well why she’d want to maintain distance, and it wasn’t for fear of contraction--as...just...ashamed and regretful. And, more shamefully, he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out for Shuuichi’s hand. 

“I’be been better… Sorry. I woub go wid you guys to the dogtor’s, but I don’ think they’re gonna let be out ob here. No’ c-uhntagious though…”

He glanced over to Maki again, feeling more than small. Miniscule. 

“...not e-ben close to startin’ to bake it ub to you...huh. I know words don’ bean buch, but...I ab really sorry… You guys habe to deal with culture shock all the time an’ I can’t take eben a little ob it. I…”

...what a disgrace… He couldn’t even look at Maki. “...I would understand if you ne-ber wanna see me again…”

Maki raised an eyebrow at that. “Culture shock?”

Shuuichi, in turn, just sighed, “Yeah, Maki. Do you wanna somehow live in the same castle as him and share the only two friends either of you have and never see him again? That’s something we can work out, I’m certain.”

“Shuuichi, if you don’t stop your sass…”

“I’m a pregnant junkie, remember? You have to be nice  to me. Besides, I’ve been kidnapped all day, I’m allowed to be sassy.”

Kokichi winced. That was...true. But...there was a part of him that thought that...really, Maki might just leave. He didn’t want her to, and it’d really hurt. But his feelings were never going to impede her freedom. If...she really decided that she’d go and enact Kaede’s plan...there was nothing he could do to stop her. He’d said his piece on how he genuinely believed there was another way, but...that was before yesterday. 

Swallowing hard, Kokichi momentarily moved his hand away from Shuuichi’s to turn away and cough into his shoulder. It was a dry cough, just his throat being irritated from the mucus and cold and thankfully not a bigger problem with his lungs, but it was still enough to shake him a little. 

Once he’d gotten his breath back, Kokichi gave Shuuichi a tired, downtrodden look. “...you know whab I bean. What I said wab unacceptable, and it was extre-bly hurtful. Baki’s under no obligation to gib be the chance to redee-b byself--I’d like to try, ob course, but one-sided efforts woulb be more for by own self-satisfaction than any true apology.”

He managed to look somewhere around Maki’s legs. “I hurt you. I’b an idiot asshole, and you hab no onus to let be start baking abends u-gless it’s what you want. I don’ understand Lubinary forgibe-ness, so I’b jus...trying no’ to force you into anything.”

Shuuichi glanced over his shoulder just in time to see Maki visibly roll her eyes. Whelp. That was as good a sign as any, really…

“You don’t need to redeem yourself, or ask my forgiveness, or anything like that. We’re even already. You decided to call me a dumb whore for reasons I still don’t quite understand, I tried to stab you, and ended up slapping your pregnant boyfriend in the face for stopping me.” Maki said, her eyes cold. “I’d say between the two of us, I probably came out the one needing to apologize...but I won’t.”

Maki closed her eyes, scowling, “I don’t feel guilty for anything that happened. I don’t understand why it happened, I just accept by this point that it did, and that it’s shown I was naive about our circumstances. You can’t help me with what I need, and I’m not…”

Shuuichi’s eyes narrowed at her hesitancy, “Maki, give this more time, you don’t have to-”

“...I’m not capable of being your bodyguard. I would request you have me replaced.” Maki decided. Swallowing her own disappointment.

Kokichi flinched--was that what he’d said amounted to? To him...it seemed more like he’d said her faith in Kaede was dangerously optimistic, which was still cruel and ignorant, but… His intent, if he could even draw it up again, didn’t matter. If that’s what Maki heard, then that’s what it meant.--before finally looking up with a confused expression. 

...she’d tried to stab him? It wasn’t out of character and he believed it, but… 

...Kaito said that Shuuichi had been hurt. He supposed this was how it happened. 

(Somewhere in the back of his mind, there was a glaring sign pointing to Maki’s words. That her not feeling guilty for wrongdoings and not wanting to understand why it happened and...really not even trying to make amends was exactly why the mindset of Luminaries had shocked him so badly.)

(And in another part, he just sighed and had to face that, at least for Maki, that kind of mindset was necessary if she wanted to keep any sort of sanity. When she was forced to commit atrocities, feeling guilty for everyone would’ve sealed her death years ago.)

That confusion soon shut down, and while not the cruel numbness from before...well, he had given her this option. 

“Oh…” Kokichi managed, trying not to let his face crumple and simply not having the energy for it. Not having the reserves to put on a mask to hide the tears starting to well in his eyes again. “...can you put in your two weeks, or...i-is this e-b-ecktive i-beediately?”

...never managing to be the person anyone needs. Right. It had been...foolish to believe it. 

...but he couldn’t let himself stand by while Maki could get hurt.

Looking up through his disappointed tears, there was suddenly a firm urgency in his eyes. “Hab you talked to Kai-do yet?”

“No, of course I can put in two weeks notice…”

Shuuichi looked annoyed between the two of them. His friends sucked. Could he request new friends? Maki clearly didn't want to resign and Kokichi clearly didn’t want her to resign and neither of them were saying so because they were both stubborn idiots convinced they both had each other's best interests at heart and weren’t willing to actually talk about it.

He needed Kaito here. Between the two of them, they could convince Maki she was being an idiot. It was hard to get through to her alone, but since Kokichi wasn’t going to be much of an ally there either, it was up to him and Kaito to convince her that one minor case of ‘trying to stab your boss to death’ didn’t mean you were unsuitable to the job….well, okay, maybe it did, but fuck it, Shuuichi was biased and Maki was the exception to that rule, as far as he was concerned.

Just as he was thinking he needed Kaito’s help, Kokichi asked them if they had spoken to him yet, and Shuuichi replied, “No, not since you stopped by yesterday. Healers said he went out a couple of hours ago while you were asleep. Where were you hiding yesterday, Kokichi? Kaito was looking for you everywhere. He eventually had to leave the castle to find you.”

Kokichi had been drowsy at the time, but he was pretty sure Kaito had been shooed out or something. A healer had pulled him away, and at the time he thought it was just to speak to him about Kokichi’s condition, but since he hadn’t come back…

He could understand people being angry at Kaito, but he just wished they would listen to him and stop trying to keep them apart. 

...but all that meant was that he had no idea where Kaito was. After yesterday, he couldn’t even say that Kaito would’ve ended up in one of his usual haunts either. A theme, he supposed. 

Wincing again, Kokichi tried to explain. “I ended up in the Beborial Garden… I think...Kai-do told Seiko that I was probably there for aroun’ fi-be hours? Enough that I was starting to go hypother-bic when he brought be to her…”

With a nasally sigh, he flopped a hand down on the medical cot. “Genius mo-be. Totally wanted to bake byself sick when there’s a billion things going on.”

“You were outside for five HOURS!?”

Shuuichi sighed as Maki finally walked away from the wall, her face furious as she said to Kokichi, “What do you mean you were outside for five hours!? I...fuck, why do I assume that when you idiots are out of my sight, you’re ever doing anything that makes sense!? I assumed you had found a cafe or something and was sulking about whatever got you so upset! You were outside that whole time!?”

Kokichi pouted a bit as Maki raged, though he had to give up the expression to be able to breathe again. He knew he was a giant dumbass. He wasn’t even thinking at all, not from the moment he’d left the parlor. Hell, he didn’t even know what route he’d taken to get to the garden or what drove him to go there. 

“You really think I had a single thought capable of reason in by head after hearing what’s actually the roadblocks in Lubinary? Ib was confu-ding enough when Shuu-chan said that people who think things are bad are killed--learning that people would allow subbering just for b-oney or h-hierar-ki-cal belief just…” Kokichi sighed as deeply as his rattling chest could allow, putting a hand on his burning forehead and rubbing a little, trying not to get worked up again. 

“I know we’re all people, but it just felt like Lubinary is a different planet. I felt like I’d lost by bind, and I think I did.”

This time, it was Shuuichi’s face that wrinkled up slightly in disappointment as he asked, “...That’s why you got upset, Kokichi? Because Luminary citizens are part of the problem? You...I’m certain I’ve heard you say before that governments can’t function without the consent of the people. How is...that a surprise?”

“People are afraid to risk themselves or their loved ones without any sense of certainty that things will get better.” Maki said with a shrug, her face slightly annoyed at the idea, “I’m still convinced that if you could give them that sense of certainty, that a change in government and massive political reforms aren’t going to disrupt their lives personally? Then the people will do what Kaede says without any arguments or resistance. Convince them they themselves can make a real difference? They’d join us in beheading Byakuya personally.”

“They won’t. I really don’t believe they would. Not the mass majority.” Shuuichi sighed. “I understand why it’s so baffling to you, Kokichi, because you haven't seen the massive difference in cultures yourself, but...people really believe the reality of the universe that they’re presented with. Not in a ha ha, wink wink, nudge kind of way. Not even in a….”

Shuuichi’s eyes suddenly widened, and he looked at Kokichi in guilt for a moment, realizing that he was doing it again...fuck he had to stop doing this...

So Shuuichi sighed, running a hand over his forehead,  “...I’m sorry, Kokichi. I keep doing this to you. I promised I’d be better about saying...things like that…it’s not fair to you. I’m really sorry.”

Kokichi frowned, giving his head a shake before he had to stop, eyes losing focus as vertigo swirled around his head for a moment. “No… I didn’t… I didn’t express byself right. People are ne-ber co-blicient in their own suffering. If they’re hurt, it’s either because of so-bone else directly hurting the-b, or because of a syste-batic flaw. I jus… I can’t understand that sort of bindset at all so I…”

“...you say that if you cou-b con-bince people that they’d be okay? Then that’d work? But how woul-b you con-bince them? Here…”

Kokichi pressed his lips together before having to take a breath. “It’s ingrained in Dicean culture that we are always at the point where things are the worst. People are encouraged to criticize the way things are and to bring in their ow-b ideas. To always keep working so that to-borrow is better, that e-bery person can change so-bething. A ri-bble beco-bes a wa-be, and all that.”

“If peo-ble don’t think that things can change, or that change can only come from other’s working, or that things are fi-be the way they are so there’s no need for change… I don’t…” He sent a look between his two...were they still friends? ...didn’t they hate him? Think him weak and useless and better shuffled off to a corner to be forgotten about?

“...if you two can’t even con-bince each other of anything, then what hope is there for thousands of other viewpoints?”

Kokichi just flinched as Shuuichi backpedaled, silently confirming to himself that no one wanted him here. 

“For me and Maki? There’s not much hope of us convincing anyone,” Shuuichi said, and while Maki looked frustrated at that, for once she didn’t say anything to refute that. “That’s why Maki’s-”

This she did step in for, as she said, “That’s why I’m counting on Kaede. I’m not trying to fix Luminary by myself. I’m...I wasn’t even asking you to... Luminary already has a royal family. A government that already knows how to influence the population through a large and complicated network of economy and heritage. Kaede wants to fix the problems with nobility, and all she asked for was my help...and yes, maybe my…” Maki grit her teeth, glaring at Kokichi, “...feelings for her...make me more inclined to trust her. Maybe she is playing to my ego and is just...sending me to my death for minimal gains, since that’s the current theory? At least she’s offering me anything. I know I can’t fix Luminary by myself. I don’t even know how to begin doing that. And out of everyone I’ve asked for help...Kaede’s been the only one to so much as offer me an idea.”

Maki crossed her arms, heat radiating off her as she said, “Everyone else is too scared to do anything. So even if she’s using me, I’ll take my chances with her, thanks.”

Shuuichi sighed, “Maki, please calm down. Getting angry isn’t going to help any of this.”

He knew Luminary wasn’t his responsibility. He didn’t want it to be his responsibility. But what Maki had asked of him in the name of Kaede’s plan… He would have upwards of twenty people’s blood on his hands. There was no way he would be able to live with that at all, but if it truly meant that millions more would have a significant uptick in the quality of their lives? If it meant that torture and exploitation would stop?

He wouldn’t be able to live with those deaths on his shoulders, but he’d do it if that was the outcome. 

However, he needed to assure that outcome. And everything he learned about Luminary made it just...seem impossible. 

That resulted from his unfamiliarity with Kaede, and thus his distrust. And from that distrust came...something that had hurt Maki badly. 

No wonder she wanted to abandon him. 

Kokichi shook his head softly. “...I was scared. I shouldn’t ha-b blown up yesterday--talking wi-b Kaede is the only way forward. You’re i-b-bortant to be, Baki, and… I know that there are so-be situations where du-b things like self-sacrifice are needed. But if it’s for nothing but just getting to say you tried? If I had killed you for that?”

Kokichi had to take a breath, the agonized expression on his face seeming like it was going to draw tears again. “...I was scared and said things I don’t know anything about just to gi-b byself any a-benue to actually...maybe succeed in stopping so-beone’s suicide this time. Instead, I just hurt so-beone that I’d wanted to protect.”

Another moment to breathe. “...Kai-do said that there’s a chance that she’s using you to con-bince people anyway. Like a poster child face for recruitment. An’ that’s she just didn’t tell you cause you bight object to who she was recruiting? If Baki wasn’t alone, then maybe…”

He was silent for a few moments before looking up, a little dazed with his face flushed a little deeper than it had been. “...if you’re free, why do you ha-b a chain of co-bband anyway?”

Maki’s eyes widened, and her mouth pressed into a stressed line as she whispered, “...you told Kaito?”

Shuuichi also looked stressed at that, giving a worried look to Maki. Ah geez...shit...but, huh…

Shuuichi didn’t know why Kaito would think that. Maki was a recruitment tool? Where would he have even got that idea in his head...though...huh…

Maki was extremely well loved among the Indenturdes’ at the capital, and Shuuichi knew she had a reputation among Indentured’s who had never even met her. You don’t dedicate your life to being there for an ever increasingly large group of thrown-away children without becoming a little bigger than life in those kids eyes. And people talked. Spread stories. There had been rumors that other contracted Indentures started doing similar things in their towns based on the stories about her, going back to their orphanages to be watch over and help the uncontracted kids still left behind.

And on top of all that, Maki had never held back when talking about her opinions. Maki’s relationships with the Momota’s had given her special privileges even among Indentureds. She had been, for the most part, allowed to speak her mind...

If you wanted to convince a bunch of hopeless people to rise up and fight back against their oppressors? A high status slave and known rebellious mentor figure who had almost become mythical in the eyes of certain groups trying to mimic her good deeds for their own communities?

...fuck, why hadn’t Shuuichi thought of that….

...Why had Kaito thought of that??

Shuuichi didn’t understand why Kaito had thought of that for the exact same reason Maki was about to answer Kokichi in such an immediate and confused fashion. Because, as much as Maki and Shuuichi thought of themselves as just ‘people’...they had been raised slaves. They looked at politics and how civilians worked and their beliefs and philosophies through those conditions of being people who were raised under radically different circumstances. They hadn’t grown up in the same world as Kaito, as much as it felt like they had all grown up together. Kaede didn’t talk to them the same way she did him, or Byakuya. They hadn’t learned politics from literal tutors who worked with them one-on-one for years discussing specifically the sort of policies and reforms and ideas that Shuuichi and Maki were bitterly arguing about. Hadn’t heard people in positions of power casually discuss it among each other over dinner every night their whole lives.

Kaito had been allowed to see and learn about a side of the world that Maki and Shuuichi had never been allowed to see. And had just...been convinced to not think about any of it. Had allowed himself to do nothing with that information.

That was a serious conversation him, Shuuichi and Maki needed to have someday...once they realized and accepted that their friend wasn’t actually an Indentured like themselves.

Because they had been raised Indentureds and he had been raised a prince.

And that’s why Maki said, without thinking about it, “Because Indentures all have chain of commands?”

Kokichi’s expression fell again, not quite to the pained level when he’d thought about Maki dying from his hand, but just...a more directionless pain.

He would never truly understand what the world looked like to Maki and Shuuichi. He knew that, and as much as it made him want to scream, it was done. He would never understand what it was like for your mind and body to not be your own. 

So that was why his voice was soft, not accusing or self-assured or anything but a soft reminder. “...you’re not u-der contract, Baki. You guys said that it had been nullified. You’re beholden to no one. I can request certain things of you, like coming with be if I go out, but...b-but after two weeks, not e-ben that. No one is allowed to dictate what your life is any-bore.”

“...but you’re our prince…”

Shuuichi flinched at that. He understood the confusion in Maki’s voice. He felt that same, baffled leap in logic every time someone asked him a question in the wrong type of voice. Because of course he had to respond. That was the way things were. It didn’t matter if they were part of his chain of command or not, it didn’t...and of course, that thought happened only because in Shuuichi’s head too, he still had a chain of command as well…

...he had wanted a master in Nao for a reason, and not a girlfriend. It felt natural to him. Like it was obvious that was the way it was supposed to be.

But it hurt to hear that confusion in Maki’s voice. It wasn’t fair to think, but...she had always seemed better than that. Stronger. Someone who didn’t need a master. So to hear that lost sound in her voice…

“...that’s why they didn’t want us to be legally a citizen of King Aiichi’s. That’s why that had to be written down at all.” Shuuichi sighed, reaching out for Kokichi’s hand again, wanting it back for his own comfort this time. “They knew we’d still think like this, regardless. It’s...hard to turn it off, I think. You hear that freed Indentures don’t have a problem with it, but...I haven't talked to a lot of freed Indentures myself. Maybe they just don’t tell people their conditioning can still be triggered? Not the sort of thing you want to advertise, I guess...”

“...was Kaito angry?” Maki asked. Her face impassive, but lines under her eyes from the strain of her cheeks and neck.

“I’m just some guy…” Kokichi sighed, but...when Shuuichi started to explain more… It wasn’t just that his heart dropped to his stomach. It felt like it dropped to the center of the planet. 

...he thought they were different. Sure, Maki and Shuuichi were his husband’s best friends, but that was still enough of a difference. He and Kaito weren’t even encouraged to be around each other for more than public appearances if that’s what they’d wanted. He...he’d really thought that Maki and Shuuichi had genuinely wanted to be his friend. 

If they thought they had to be around him, had to be polite because their brains wouldn’t let them think of him in any other way than him...being...in charge of them? Was that what it was? 

...it was no different than how the people who worked in the castle had to interact with him too. He had power over them, and a relationship with a power imbalance like that couldn’t… It wasn’t fair…

Every time someone started to get close to him, he went through the same thought exercise. If he was just some rando visiting from out of town, would they still want to be friends?

...and every time, he came up with a resounding, pff, no duh, of course not. Because who would ever want to be friends with such a huge burden?

Just as Kokichi’s expression grew increasingly depressed and despondent, he remembered Kaito’s words from the night before. About being treated like he didn’t have a brain. That just because he couldn’t think about certain things didn’t mean his feelings weren’t real. 

...with Kaito too, Kokichi couldn’t just pretend that Maki and Shuuichi had chosen him of their own free will and everything was fine. But...maybe he didn’t have to doubt that every second of time they’d spent together was a lie either. 

...Shuuichi’s hand was warm. Lightly, Kokichi curled his fingers around it. 

“...Kai-chan said that Te-ggan said that people u-dder contract aren’t s’pposed to be freed at all. That it’s an exploitation by design for co-dtid-ued slave labor. Anyone who does get out of it is jus’ s’pposed to keep people from rioting as a cloud in the sky success story.”

Kokichi sighed. Giving Maki a depressed look. “Hi-d friends, family, and husband were all plo-dding to kill his other family. He was furious. He…”

Kokichi’s eyes went far away, not entirely from the fever. “...I did’n realize forms of luhb could be so different. He feels like he’s not enou-b for any of us. ...we’re not gonna get de-borced, but...I think it was just barely…”

...Indentureds weren’t ever meant to be freed?

While Maki and Shuuichi dealt with that little bombshell, (they had known that the rates of Indentureds getting freed were depressingly low, but that had always been presented to them as a design flaw, not a feature. Byakuya himself had convinced them of that.), their expressions just grew more strained as Kokichi continued. 

Maki bit her lip as Shuuichi went extremely pale at the last bit, “Not enough? For what? To not take care of my own family too? I...shit, I wish you had waited for me to tell him. I knew he was going to take it badly, but...god he can be so self-centered. There are...there are things more important then his fucking feelings...shit…fuck, I...I had kind of hoped we’d never have to tell him. He can be so pathetic...” she said, though as she insulted him, she found herself pulling at the edges of her hair between her fingertips, worry and concern on her face. She sincerely believed hurting Kaito, at least emotionally, was a worthy sacrifice for saving her siblings...but that didn’t mean it didn’t bother her to do it. 

Especially if she had apparently never had to tell Kokichi at all? She could have hidden it from both of them! Just gone on ‘vacation’, got it done, and come back to comfort a grieving Kaito in a better world.

Shuuichi, in turn, only heard the word ‘divorce’ and just...please no….please no….

Kokichi just sighed. “...I had asked hib if he really thought his li-bfe was worth hu-ddreds ob thousands of o-dders… Apparently that’s what we are to hi-b. It’s not pathetic, Baki...he luhbes differently. I only wish I could understand…”

“...we’re trying to bake things work,” he muttered lowly, closing his eyes for a moment. It always got annoying when the lights started vibrating. “...I just wish I knew how.”

...living in Dicea was a lot easier, and not just because you didn’t have to worry about being mentally abused at a governmental level, and you’d never have to worry about putting food on the table. Kokichi knew that there were worlds inside every person...but Diceans seemed so much more straightforward to him. If there’s a problem, everyone’s going to participate to explain how they see things, and where they see the issue. If you see someone struggling, you’re going to do what you can to help them. One person’s success was a victory for everyone. 

...to get something, not even for a gain, but just to begin to approach equilibrium? The thought of having to take from someone else was just…

...foreign. 

Kokichi sighed shallowly, turning to cough into his arm again, though he didn’t let go of Shuuichi’s hand this time. “...wish he was here. S’easier to talk ‘bout things with e-beryone around.”

“Someone call me?”

The door had been opening at the last sentence, and Maki had turned to tell whichever healer was about to bother them that no, they weren’t going anywhere yet...and then stiffened in both tension and confusion as in walked Kaito. A grin on his face and his cheeks flushed, and...holding a brown paper bag?

“Hey guys! Everyone’s here! I’m assuming I was the ‘he’ mentioned. If there’s a different ‘he’, let me know, I’ll go get him for you! Maki, looking good, love how you’re parting your hair.” Kaito told her, giving her a wink as she eyed him warily, before going over to Shuuichi and saying warmly, “Hey handsome. Missed you last night.” before leaning down to kiss him on the cheek.

Then, heading to the other side of Kokichi’s bed, he winked at all of them again and, pulling out a half-empty whiskey bottle, said, “I have brought the cure for Kokichi’s sniffles. 85% concentrate! This shit burns, it’ll do the trick. One sip of this, beautiful? Nose will clear right up!”

Shuuichi, whose nose had scrunched up slightly when Kaito had kissed him on the cheek, asked Kaito… “Are you drunk?”

“Drunk? Nah, don’t think so. Drinking? Oh yeah.” Kaito said cheerfully.

Kokichi forced his eyes back open when he heard that familiar voice, his heart still fluttering despite all the pain from this particular angle it’d been through. Though...the state of him…

He didn’t really mind that Kaito had been drinking, even if...yeah, it wasn’t even noon yet. But...he had a feeling that it wasn’t just that Kaito had felt like drinking, and for that reason a worried expression soon fell onto his face. “Thanks, Kai-chan...but I don’ think I’b really up to that. You been kee-bing up with water?”

...it wasn’t really like Kaito had to do much at Shuuichi’s appointment, but...if he was going to be tipsy…

He knew it was a bit out of place, so Kokichi winced a little even as he asked. “Baki? Can I ask that you hel-b be bake it to Shuu-chan’s a-bboi’nbent? Would walk byself, but…”

“A-bboi’nbent?...oh! Shit, Shuuichi! Your appointment is today!”

“Yep.” Shuuichi muttered. “It is.”

“Ah geez, shit...totally forgot...wow there is a lot happening right now, huh?” Kaito murmured, taking a sip out of the bottle before saying, “Oh, man, I probably shouldn’t be drunk for that, huh?”

“Would appreciate that, yeah.” Shuuichi muttered.

Maki, in turn, was starting to twitch as she walked up to Kaito and held out her hand, her face tense as she said, “No you shouldn’t be. Give it here.”

Kaito looked at her curiously...before asking, “So, did you quit? Kokichi was afraid you were gonna quit. I didn’t think you would because you’re not usually that much of a coward. Did you prove me wrong?”

Maki twiched further. Face going red. “I am recognizing that I am not the ideal person to be protecting him. He will replace me. Now give it here.” Maki demanded, indicating to the drink.

Kaito seemed to consider her again...before grinning, “No-ouch!”

It was just a small jab into his wrist from her thumb, forcing him to let go of the drink as his arm spasmed from the pressure point. She caught the drink before it fell, and giving him a furious look, took its top from his other hand and closed it up. “You’re drinking water and running laps and we’re sweating all that shit out of you so that you’re clear headed for Shuuichi’s first appointment, got it!?”

Kaito looked up at her...before chuckling. “Yeah. Like anyone could replace you.” 

Kokichi’s brows knitted together. Was that cowardice? Stepping aside because you believe you’re unfit for whatever you’re doing?

...not that Kokichi thought for a second that Maki was unfit for the bodyguard job. He’d offered it to her because she was practically doing it without being paid already. She had some anger issues that would benefit from being worked on, but...she was really good at protecting people. At thinking of all sorts of things that Kokichi wouldn’t have even considered. More than being his (maybe ex-? Maybe never?) friend, she was the person he had considered most competent for the job. 

...it was just...he could understand her not wanting to work for a living failure. 

Kokichi shrank down against the cot at that thought, his gaze falling just like it had before. No one could replace Maki, but Kokichi shouldn’t have existed at all.

Looking over to Shuuichi, Kokichi held his hand tighter for just a moment. “If I can get by bask from our room, I should be alright…”

...he said with a fever-flushed face and icy limbs, having to shade his eyes from the lights. And, of course, in the stuffed, nasally voice he’d had the entire time.

Shuuichi looked over at Kokichi, seeing all the above mentioned things...and looked over at Kaito, who looked a tad too happy and a tad too mean...then up at Maki’s furious face…

...Shuuichi looked down at his lap and just shrugged. Like Kaito, Shuuichi thought of love as being a priority in others' thinking. Unlike Kaito, he was used to being disappointed…

Which Maki noticed. Shuuichi was always a top priority for Maki. He had the coveted position of being both a friend and a sibling. And seeing that small, defeated shrug...she took a deep breath, getting her anger under control, as she crossed her arms and gave Kokichi a hard look. “Tomorrow, the day after? How long do you think it’ll be before you feel more confident getting out of bed? Three days?”

...that little shrug just…

Kokichi wanted to pull Shuuichi into the cot and stroke his hair and apologize and actually have a plan of action of how to be better. So that he’d never disappoint Shuuichi like this. But he couldn’t take yesterday back, and he couldn’t erase the consequences of it, not even his physical ones. Even on a good day he didn’t have the strength to pull Shuuichi anywhere, and getting him in his lap would more likely just get snot all over his boyfriend than be anything truly comforting. 

Hating himself that much more, Kokichi looked over at Maki, a little confused by the question but giving it proper consideration. He wanted to say tomorrow, but...while he may be able to get out of bed, he’d still be winded even from just going down a flight of stairs. He might still be a little out of it but…

“...probably the day after to-borrow, if we wanna bini-bize the chances of me o-berdoing thi-gs.”

“Do either of you have anything planned for the day after tomorrow?” Maki asked Shuuichi and Kaito, giving them both an equally hard look she had given Kokichi, “Kaito, your stupid cleaning day?”

“Tomorrow, Maki.” Kaito said, giving her an openly affectionate look.

“Shuuichi?”

“No, nothing?”

“Okay! I am going to go to the OB after I sober up Kaito and get your appointment changed to the day after tomorrow. They will make time.” Maki growled, “Kaito, Kokichi? You are going to that appointment, and you are going to support your terrified pregnant boyfriend while he asks scary questions. Got it!?”

“Kokichi, just in case, I will also book an appointment for the third day, in case your recovery ends up taking longer than you thought.” Maki decided, giving Kokichi a once over as she said, “I know it’s just a cold, but we’ve seen that sometimes you get worse before you get better. We’ll account for that. But you better be thinking healing thoughts this whole damn time.”

“Any concerns? Objections? Kaito, if it’s anything stupid, I’m taking you out of this room and cutting you.”

“...so I shouldn’t ask why I have to be sober if we’re not going today?”

“You’re in charge of watching over Kokichi today, and you won’t be drunk for it or I’ll kill you. Your husband needs you coherent. And I’m still keeping Shuuichi today.”

“I knew I’ve been kidnapped.” Shuich said, sounding a little satisfied to be proven right, as Kaito gave Maki a curious look.

“Why is Shuuichi being kidnapped?”

“...because he’s pregnant and I don’t know what kind of mental state you’re in right now.” Maki said simply. Giving Kaito a concerned look as she said, “...Kokichi told me he told you what I was planning to do.”

Kaito grinned tiredly. “Yeah. He did.”

Kokichi’s expression softened a bit. She had her own issues, but Maki really was a good sister. He just wished he could meet the example she set--or the better parts of it, at least. 

Daring to give her a slight smile, Kokichi nodded slightly. “I don’ e-ben wanna be sick now. I’ll do by best.”

Which...mostly meant getting rest and taking whatever the healers gave him, which he had been doing. Already on the right track, he supposed. He’d take the small victories on the clusterfuck of a path he was on. 

Kokichi felt like he should speak up and point out that Kaito didn’t have to be around him if he didn’t want to, but the force of the Luminaries’ banter flew right past that chance and into...what could be another difficult conversation, or something that they just didn’t want to talk about at all. Which frustrated him but...look where his interference had gotten them now. 

Sighing softly, Kokichi gave Shuuichi’s hand a weak squeeze, wanting to enjoy the feeling of them holding hands while he still could. “...I’ll get better as soon as I can. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, Kokichi, it’s not your fault. Lots of things just...collided with each other yesterday, I guess. Honestly, if you were getting hypothermia last night? I think we got pretty lucky that all you have now is a cold.” Shuuichi told him quietly, squeezing his hand back with a similar thought of wanting too while he could. “I’m glad we’re changing the appointment, but honestly I’d rather you just take some time to feel better…”

Maki and Kaito, in turn, were staring at each other. A tension between them.

“...you know, I honestly thought you’d attack me when you found out.”

“I thought about it.” Kaito admitted, “But the thought didn’t make me feel all that great. Figured doing it would feel worse. Shame, huh? Can you imagine me and you honestly going at it, no holds barred? I bet it would have been exciting.”

“...I’m not giving up on the idea, just because Kokichi rejected it.”

“Hmmm. Did Kokichi reject it to you? That’s a comfort…”

“Why aren’t you angry?”

“Because…” Kaito sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair. “...I’m gonna talk to you and Kaede and Kokichi and Byakuya and we’re going to get this figured out, okay? No ones gonna have to kill anyone. You all just need to stop fighting.”

Maki narrowed her eyes. “Kaito, this is serious. You can’t just...talk it out. Byakuya is killing my family.”

“Yep. Which, as we’ve established already, in a very roundabout way, means he’s killing his own family. Which makes all of this just a family feud, and family feuds are much easier to deal with then political intrigue and kingdoms falling apart and civil wars and stuff. Our family just needs to all sit down together and figure this out.” Kaito said simply, giving Maki an easy, drunken grin as he said, “I was thinking that...none of this is really our fault yet. We’re all people in our early twenties. We grew up with the program and in the war and...we grew up in the world a bunch of old people gave us. And, ya know what? In my experience...all those old guys are fucking assholes...they gave us such a raw deal. A fifteen year war and a failed kingdom and a program that...that doesn’t work that way it’s supposed to? None of us made that shit. A bunch of old guys fucking handed us this flaming hot garbage and as soon as it was in our hands had the audacity to look at us like ‘look what you did’.”

Kaito shrugged. “We didn’t make these problems...a bunch of depressed, flawed, self-important assholes did...so maybe the solution is easier than all the shit they did to make everything the way it is right now. Maybe we just have to all talk to each other and decide to just toss aside all the hot garbage they gave us and start again?”

“...Kaito, nothing in the world is that simple.” Maki said tiredly, giving her poor, stupid friend a long look. “That’s not going to work. And you can’t talk to Byakuya…”

“I’ll talk to Kaede first, don’t worry.” Kaito shrugged, grinning brightly as he said, “And maybe it’s the drink or maybe I am just soooo out of any fucks to give, but ya know what? If the reality is that our problems are too big to solve and that everyones doomed already? Then there’s no real harm in trying simple, optimistic solutions then, is there? Why not?” Kaito said, shrugging.

...it was kind of his fault that he was sick. If he hadn’t been a huge moron and wallowed outside in freezing weather for hours without being dressed for it, then he wouldn’t have gotten sick. If he had been the person they’d needed him to be in the parlor yesterday...even just then…

Kokichi sighed softly and stroked his thumb down the side of Shuuichi’s hand. 

He’d meant to focus in on Shuuichi, but as Kaito and Maki talked, he found his tired gaze sliding over to them. Honestly...a little surprised at how just...reasonable Kaito’s plan was. ...the only thing that really worried him was...well, that through their few, limited interactions, Byakuya wasn’t reasonable. 

But just like Kaede, he didn’t know him. And to avoid bloodshed, it was worth a shot. 

...that was why Aiichi had wanted him to marry Kaito in the first place, wasn’t it? Greater understanding to avoid wars. 

A small, sweet smile turned Kokichi’s lips upward as he looked over at Kaito, pride and unmistakable love and adoration glittering through even the haze of sickness in his eyes. Maybe it was the drink, but Kokichi really was grateful that he was fortunate enough to see Kaito do great things. 

Tentatively, he spoke up. “...it would be nice if no one had to die…”

“...of course people are going to have to die.” Said the assassin. Sounding baffled that this was where this conversation had led.

“I mean, I already thought killing anyone was pointless, especially when it wasn’t likely to work out in our favor.” Muttered the detective. Just tired of having this particular debate for what felt like the thousandth time that year.

“No one’s going to die.” Decided the prince. Giving Kokichi a drunken, warm look, he said, “If my ‘Kichi doesn’t want people to die, then they won’t. Easy, it’s decided. We just need to establish exactly what it was we were hoping to achieve from this ‘murder everyone plan’-”

“-Kaito, if you tell Byakuya what’s going on, he’s going to kill Kaede-”

“-and we will sit down with Kaede and Byakuya and whoever else we have to talk to to figure out another way to get the results we were after, Maki-roll. And Byakuya won’t kill Kaede. She’s family, he loves her.”

“That didn’t save your parents!”

“...he made a mistake.” Kaito said quietly. Eyes distant, “I’ll ask him to stop killing our family. He loves me. He’ll stop. Then, when he’s stopped, we can figure out everything else from there. But he’ll stop if I ask him to. I’m...I’m certain of it.”

Maki and Shuchi both sighed at this. This was the Kaito they were more familiar with. Hopelessly, painfully delusional. At least when it came to Byakuya. 

He really hoped Maki was wrong. When you gave the okay to kill one person, you had to have a long, hard look at exactly where the line was. Kokichi hadn’t experienced anything like that himself, but...it was one of the foundations of Dicean law. It was something he had read treatise after journal after proposed amendment on. And...the consensus he’d always come to was that there was no clear line. If you gave an allowance to kill one person--to incriminate one person, to exclude one person--then there were millions of allowances a person or an establishment could make to budge that line again and again. And at the end of it all, the rule became: “We’ll kill everyone.”

...Kokichi knew now that way of thinking wouldn’t make sense to anyone in Luminary, but it was a moral stance he wasn’t going to budge on personally. He’d wavered, but...if there was even the smallest bit of hope that they could move forward without any more loss…

“Enough people ha-b died already…” Kokichi murmured, more to himself before he sighed, rubbing an eye as he looked up again. “Well...what’s stopping Byakuya fro-ng killing Kaede right now? Because she’s beloved by others? Where’s the tipping point there?”

Maki gave Kokichi a frustrated look, before saing “Because...because...well, I mean…”

As Maki floundered, Kaito watched her, something sad crossing his face as he said to her, “It’s okay, Maki. You don’t have to know the answer to that. We can ask Kaede when we talk to her, okay? We’re going to talk to Kaede first. You don’t have to answer for her.”

Maki balled her fists tightly, looking embarrassed and frustrated as she finally said after a moment, “Just because I don’t know, doesn’t mean she’s taking advantage of me…”

“It’s okay, Maki. Hey, come here, Maki-Roll.” Kaito sighed, getting up and going over to her, ignoring her pissed expression as he pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back a little as he said, “We’re doing the best we can on half-information, right? The people we’re arguing on behalf of are around and literally a weird, basically magical ‘phone call’ away. We don’t have to know what they were thinking. We can just ask them to explain themselves. Okay?”

“We’re trying to talk on Kaede and Byakuya’s behalf, and have to deal with all the hard looks and judgement that comes from that. That’s not fair on us. That’s not our responsibility. We don’t have to be mouth pieces for them.” Kaito quietly told her, feeling the tension in her body as he gently kissed against her temple...and feeling her shoulders sag a little. 

“...Kaede can explain it. I don’t know why he hasn’t killed her yet.” Maki admitted. Sounding tired.

Kokichi winced a little, not meaning to imply that he thought that Kaede was taking advantage of Maki if she didn’t have all the answers. And...honestly, he didn’t really know how Maki had gotten that conclusion, but she had so...it had to have been a communication mistake on his part. Again. 

But...then Kaito came in and…

...it was really hard, Kokichi was realizing, getting things done when it was only a few of them together. 

Giving Maki a soft look, he tried to explain himself. “...I’b not trying to accuse you. I’b trying to find where by own confusion is, and...Baki, you told be fro-b the start this wasn’t your plan. I’b not expecting you to ha-b all the answers. If there’s so-bthing you don’t know, then that’s so-bthing to note to ask so-bone else. That’s all I’b looking for. I ne-ber beant for i’ to be an attack, an’ I ha-b to be better about phrasing it bore clearly.”

In this particular case, he had a feeling it had to do with Byakuya’s own hypocrisy but...that was still putting words in someone else’s mouth. Be patient. Wait and see. 

Taking a breath, Kokichi looked to the others. “...so are we all going to the telephone o-bbice together later?”

Maki shook her head dismissively as she said, “You didn’t, you didn’t, I’m just...feeling defensive. I just...I’m not careless or stupid. I didn’t agree to her plans based on nothing.” Maki muttered, pouting honestly as Kaito soothingly patted her back a little.

Kaito in turn, looked over his shoulder and said, “Today? Kokichi, if you can say the word ‘office’, then yeah, we can do that. Go on, babe, give it a try.”

Shuuichi gave Kaito a stern look as he just said in that particular tone of his, “Kaito...but he’s right, Kokichi. You can barely talk right now. We might want to just reschedule this phone-call with Kaede too...look, because I suspect this will get harder the longer we put it off? Can I just put out there that I don’t want Maki to quit her job?”

Maki narrowed her eyes at Shuuichi. “We’ve talked about this-”

“Yeah, and it’s still a bad idea.” Shuuichi said, giving her a cool look in return. “Okay, I’ll admit...a security officer trying to stab her client isn’t ideal behavior. But Maki, anyone Kokichi gets to replace you, no matter how skilled or willing they are...no ones gonna care about his safety as much as you do. I’d feel better knowing it was you looking after him. After...after all of us.” Shuchi muttered.

Maki raised an eyebrow, confused by that thought as she said. “I wouldn’t stop looking after anyone? He’d just have extra security that won’t stab him, ideally.”

Kokichi just pouted as long as he could at his husband, for a few moments genuinely debating trying to clear his sinuses out just enough to get the word out. Buuuuut doing that would likely make his head burn and spin and was kind of the opposite of doing his best to get better. No more dumb mistakes like that. 

At least there was no shortage of serious matters to get into. Kokichi frowned in worry for a moment, the gears turning behind his head. Maki didn’t...want to get rid of him? “Baki...I hired you in part because you were doing the job anyway. If you’re working, you should be co-bb-ensated. I…” 

Kokichi’s face reddened even more than just from the fever. “...I don’t make enough to pay two people on a security team what they’re worth. An’ I don’t want you to be li-bited if you try to protect us an’ run into walls ‘cause you don’t ha-b o-ssicial clearance. You already ha-b too bany unof-idial jobs…”

...his face was absolutely burning, and his gaze had dropped to her legs again. “...I know I’b weak an I can’t stop you from quitting but...I’d like it if you stayed...and let me protect you one of the only ways I can.”

...the world started to go a little sideways.

“Woah, hey now...lean back, Kokichi…” Shuuichi caught him, seeing his boyfriend lean slightly too much to one side for a second as he put a steadying hand on his shoulder, using the other hand to readjust the pillows to make it easier for him to sit up. “Are you okay, do you need a healer?”

Maki looked him over and said, “I think he’s okay but...Kaito, get him some water.”

“Yep.” Kaito said, heading over to the pitcher and glasses the healers had left in the room. 

Maki looked Kokichi over again...his face wasn’t paling in his cheeks, his eyes were re-focusing… she felt comfortable enough to say, “Kokichi, I’m a danger to you. Yesterday proved that. If Shuuichi hadn’t stopped me, I’d have hurt you. That’s unacceptable.”

“It is, actually. And you punched Shuuichi too. That’s gonna be something I’m gonna want to spar you about, Maki.” Kaito told her, bringing Kokichi the water.

“I don’t need you to fight Maki on my behalf Kaito.” Shuuichi said, rolling his eyes a little, still padding Kokichi’s pillows. “And it wasn’t a punch. She slapped me.”

“You’re pregnant and my boyfriend. Gotta fight anyone who lays a hand on you, handsome.” Kaito simply said with a shrug.

Ignoring the two of them, Maki said to Kokichi, “...I couldn’t control my anger. That’s an unacceptable risk to you.”

Kokichi appreciated the help but...he couldn’t help but feel frustrated that he’d undermined his own point almost immediately. Maybe that’s why everyone who saw him thought he was incapable. 

Once he’d steadied himself a bit he gave Maki something of a helpless look. “...you already said you weren’t lea-bing. And I’b not hiring someone to be so-bthing stupid like...a beatshield for the slight possibility you lash out on be. I don’t want to piss you off a-dy bore than you wanna hurt be. So we both ha-b to be better. If…”

“...if you all really don’t want to cut be out...then I’b not gonna gi-b up on you either,” he murmured as quietly as he could, feeling low and ashamed but meaning every word truly. He wasn’t going to abandon any of them. He just...didn’t feel worthy enough for them to want to stick around.

Maki frowned. She wanted to keep her job. Of course she did. She had been so proud to have gotten to sign a contract herself and be employed and she was getting to do what she wanted to do anyway, which was take care of her boys. 

“...I swear I’ll resign if it ever happens again. In the same way I don’t like to watch what I say around you so you don’t have your fits, you shouldn’t have to do that for me so that I don’t lash out.” Maki said, shoulders tensing, angry at herself as she said, “You should be able to make me angry without me stabbing you. That shouldn’t be something you should be afraid of from me. So...I’ll try to be better, and beg your apology when...when I accidently trigger your episodes.”

“We’re not irrational. We should be able to say things to each other.” Maki decided...before her face softened slightly, and she said, “But if you really want to give me another chance, then thank you. I won’t let you down.”

“Does this mean you’ll stop stabbing me too?” Kaito asked.

“I’m giving you another earring for him pissing me off sometime this week.” Maki told Kaito without missing a beat. “Pick where you want it.”

“...aw come on.”

Sipping at the water Kaito brought him, Kokichi started to relax a little, feeling comforted that Maki didn’t actually want to leave, but… 

He did smile, however small and sad it was. “I ab irrational so-btimes. I’b only human. Yesterday was the worst in a while but...if you can forgi-b me for getting hysterically frightened...I can work on keeping by irrationality li-bited to smaller things…”

Sighing, he made himself look back up at his friends (yeah, they were). “...e-ben if you don talk about what we beant to, you guys should still talk with Kaede today. One thing I did get fro-b her was that she’d be really happy to hear fro-b you all. Kinda ga-be her a cliffhanger with the news o-b your job, Baki-chan. Hab a social call?”

“It would just be nice to talk to Kaede.” Kaito admitted, giving Shuuichi and Maki eager looks, “Maybe give her a heads up that, uh...all of us are gonna be talking to her next time?”

“What if she uses that time to plan around any plans we could make, then?” Shuuichi asked, before raising an eyebrow as Kaito just went ‘tut-tut-tut’.

“We’re gonna give her a chance to think about what she wants to say to all of us during the big conversation. Remember, we are solving family squabbles. Just with, ya know...extra doses of slavery and murder and stuff.” Kaito shrugged, heading over to Kokichi and leaning in to kiss his forehead again as he said, “Everything’s going to be fine. We’re going to get through this.”

“...you still need to run laps and drink water.” Maki told Kaito blankly.

“Maki I am having a moment with my husband, please???”

“You should have thought of that when you got drunk the day you’re supposed to take Shuuichi to his doctor's appointment!”

“Could we all stop yelling, the healers are going to think we’re all crazier than they already think we are…”

Kokichi smiled more genuinely at the kiss to his forehead and managed a small laugh. “I think it’s too late for that.”

-

Despite the fact that a lot of the tension in the group had been eased as they all spent time together earlier, Maki still insisted on keeping Shuuichi for the day, and honestly, Kaito understood why. He didn’t really know how he was going to feel minute to minute, right now. Sometimes he felt fine. Sometimes he felt happy. Sometimes he wanted to just curl into a corner and cry. And sometimes he wanted to go punch Hideki in the fucking face.

And honestly, he’d rather Shuuichi not be around him while he was this emotionally compromised. Honestly, he’d rather Kokichi not even be around him right now. He didn’t want to take it out on his husband either...but his husband was sick, and Kaito didn’t want to leave him to deal with it by himself either. Especially since Kokichi wasn’t...emotionally feeling that good either.

It was okay. Kaito could handle it. He had brought back up dinner from the dining hall, having been allowed to take Kokichi back to their room. “Guess who has soups, bread and fruits?” Kaito called out as he carefully brought the tray into the room.

Kokichi supposed that today was alright. Maybe just because the day before had been so awful, but having any sort of hope going forward...realizing that… Well, it was confusing even just thinking it, but learning that Maki had never expected him to actually do anything about Luminary? As much as that sort of trust and belief in him had lifted his spirits...she hadn’t been asking for his informed blessing along with giving her a safeguard against anyone who tried to take advantage of her conditioning. It...had always literally been just the latter. 

Which had left him with a complicated feeling. On one hand, even just coming to terms with the state of Luminary had stressed him out...geez, more than when he’d been told he was going to die within a year? On that level, anyway. Knowing that...he truly wasn’t expected to even understand the situation in order to help Maki was...a lot off his shoulders. 

He was still going to try and understand, of course, because he cared for his friends and cared about their care for their loved ones, but...it was a little more theoretical. Enough that he didn’t have to feel like everything was falling apart around him. 

...but on the other, when he had thought he’d been given that responsibility, he’d crumbled like coffee cake. His friends didn’t expect anything of him, and even then he’d let them down.

Normally that’d send him down another spiral of self-loathing but...at least for now, he was just too tired to go through the whole process again. He’d spent most of the day sleeping after they’d parted ways, woken up periodically to drink water and take medicine. It was blearily miserable, but...at least he was used to it.

Smiling slightly from half-asleep thoughts, Kokichi roused himself as Kaito came into their room. “H-b-b… The Great Pu-bkin King? I’d say he’s a bit early, and that’s I’d be pretty bu-bbed if he followed every part of the lege-d except for the bounty of sweets.”

“Great pumpkin king?” Kaito translated, putting the tray down on the desk and getting out the bed tray for Kokichi, brining it over to him on the bed before going back for the tray and grabbing Kokichi’s portions, taking them back and forth in a few trips, before finally bringing him his tea, which he added, “The folks at the dining hall asked me to bring you this tea? Something to do with being good for colds. You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want too babe, but I told them I’d offer it.”

As he went go grab his own food, which was largely what Kokichi had but the fruit had been replaced with thick vegetable cuts, and the veggies and bread had just been added into his soup bowl, to all be eaten together as he sat in a chair next to the bed, the soup a little uncomfortably spicy for Kaito as he sort of fruitlessly blew on it, like that would make it less spicy before eating in it small bites. “What’s...ah, geez. Hot...what’s the pumpkin king?”

Kokichi appreciated the out Kaito gave him, but… If someone gave him medicine, or something that would help his health, he had to take it. It was better just to comply than have to sit through a lecture or have someone sneak it to him, or just straight up force him to take it. Blowing on the tea inbetween stuffed breaths, Kokichi took a sip, making a strange face at the taste. There was honey in it, and the sweetness did help, but this was definitely an herbal remedy tea. That grassy bitterness...yuck…

...but it was better to get it down so the rest of dinner would take the taste away. 

“It’s a chil-gren’s story. A figure that shows up around Har-best to spur on the last growth of the season--you’re supposed to leave an offering out that you don’t har-best, and the great pu-bkin king uses the offerings to bmake a feast for e-beryone to share--particularly a lot of sweets to kids who were kind that year. One o-b those stories to encourage kids to be nice and behaved, you know?”

Kokichi took another sip of the gross medicinal tea, making another face before a softer smile came to him. “...it wab a while until I could bake it to any Har-best Festi-bal. A few times, by dad would dress up and let be catch gli-pses of the costube while he’d leave treats for be. I don’t re-beb-er if I e-ber believed in the pu-bkin king, but it was sweet o-b him to try and bake things fun at ho-be.”

“Awwwww...that’s really sweet, ‘Kichi...maybe we could do something like that for Tim? We don’t have that legend at home, but it’s cute, and I’d hate for his friends at school to be getting nice stuff like that and talking about it and him having no idea what’s going on...unless nine is too old for that sort of thing? Hmmm…” Kaito hummed, sipping at his soup, before taking a piece of the bread, the bread easing the spice a little...before smirking, looking at Kokichi as he said, “Did you and the mysterious pumpkin king ever host a dance party together?” he teased with a wink, wiggling his shoulders.

“I thing nine bight be a little old to really believe in the story, but...we could still use it as a basis to do so-g-thing nice for hib. Like...baybe you ang Baki-chan could take him out for food that he wants, or stop by a bakery to get him a special treat?” Doing something special, getting to spend time with his guardians… Kokichi knew that, while the circumstances of everything were tough on everyone, it was particularly bad for Tim. He was just a kid, and one that was stuck in this situation by mistake. 

...maybe he’d only tell Tim when he was...much older but he was kind of glad he was in Dicea, despite what made him stay. Luminary wasn’t disbanding their military, as far as he knew, so Tim wouldn’t be cast out, but...even if Tim had enjoyed it, a military was no place for a child. Really, neither was being semi-raised by a few twenty-somethings who had no idea what they were doing, but at least he was safe. Had the freedom to go to school and pursue whatever he wanted, would have the safety that Dicea provided all their citizens. Kids needed more than just that, though, so...he was hoping that things would get better for the kid too. 

Trying to finish his tea as quickly as he could, Kokichi only looked up at Kaito in confusion for a moment...before being so caught off guard that he couldn’t think to play it off. Kokichi’s cheeks lit up as he groaned, trying to hide his face in his arms.

“You know, I really beant it when I told you I wasn’t a good dancer.”

...damnit, Ikuo.

“I am certain baby ‘Kichi was a fantastic dancer.” Kaito said, snickering, “Ikuo said you used to do this whole body, like, butt wiggle thing? That would kill it on the dance floor ‘Kichi, I’m telling you. I should take you dancing.” Kaito realized, chewing on one of his veggies thoughtfully, “When you get better, I mean. You and I should go dancing.”

“Alright, I’m gonna take you dancing next time you’re feeling strong! It’ll be a proper date!” Kaito decided, grinning at Kokichi as he said, “And if you don’t feel confident dancing, just remember! Your partner is an expert! People will be watching us in awe, I guarantee it!”

Snickering to himself, Kaito sipped some of his water...before saying, “I‘m thinking of dying my hair. Like, black or brown or something. What do you think?”

Kokichi just groaned again, melting in embarrassment as a flood of memories he hadn’t thought about in years came rushing through his mind. Kids did weird stuff, and parents inevitably saw a huge chunk of it, and Ikuo was no exception. 

When he had any energy at all, Kokichi had always had way too much of it and...well, it wasn’t like he was allowed to go to any parks or playgrounds or play sports or even just go exploring. At least...anywhere that wasn’t the castle. So, he’d find empty rooms and fill them with life, bringing in a few toys to play pretend with, sometimes mimicking what he as a child thought court was like, or grand adventures inspired by his storybooks. Having tea parties, though with only pretend tea and food since even from a young age he didn’t like to waste anything. And...yeah, having dance parties. Thinking up songs he’d heard people sing or things he’d heard performed from outside his window, notes carrying on the wind, and he’d just let his body go wild, moving just for the sake of moving. 

Ikuo had joined in every now and then when he hadn’t been looking for Kokichi for some event (usually bedtime, honestly) but it had always embarrassed him when he’d pause from his spinning and see his dad leaning against the wall, watching fondly. Really just from the sense of being caught more than being caught dancing, though through hindsight, remembered what he’d done that really only barely constituted dancing? Kokichi was endlessly thankful that there was no way for Kaito to have actually seen those times. 

(Something in Kokichi’s heart twinged as he remembered an upbeat, excited voice remarking that he and Kaito danced.)

Unable to stew in embarrassment for too long, Kokichi laughed softly and smiled up at his husband. “I’d really like that. One of these days I’ll get to set a date night going too.”

Setting the now empty cup to the side, rubbing his tongue against his upper teeth in an attempt to get rid of the bitter flavor even faster than just waiting to actually eat dinner, Kokichi looked up in slight surprise as he settled himself to eat. And then he found a chance to send a smirk back. “Why not pur-ble? We could match.”

Kaito grinned at that. “Awww, that’d be cute. Don’t know if I can pull it off though. Your hair looks so natural on you, ya know? I feel like purple would look obviously fake on me.” Kaito mused, happily imagining him and Kokichi finding some nice, crowded little place to dance, Kokichi getting to safely work up a sweat. Yeah, that would be good.

“I’d guess I’d have to dye the goatee too? That’d be weird. Never tried to dye facial hair before.” He said, running his fingers over his chin a bit, smoothing down the hair, before shrugging, “It’s just an idea. My mom has dark blue hair. Like Shuuichi’s. Maybe dark blue would look natural on me?”

Kokichi raised an eyebrow. “So you’d batch with Shuu-chan and no-g be? I see how it is…” His voice was light, obviously teasing, and even if it wasn’t, the sweet smile on his face made it the rest of the way. 

“If it is so-bthing you wanna do, De-gji-chan knows how to dye hair too, and they can help with the facial hair and eyebrows and all that.” After a spoonful of soup, enjoying the warmth and subtle spice, Kokichi realized something that Kaito said. “...ha-b you dyed your hair before? If you pointed out your beard specifically…”

Kaito snickered, his cheeks flushing a little. “Thirteen. I tried to dye my hair blond, way over-bleached it, came out almost white. I actually had to cut all my hair off to fix it, just let my red re-grow. Had a buzzcut for like, two months?” Kaito recalled, shaking his head. “I thought it would look cool, impress the kids at school. I went through a phase where I was this, like, skinny, gangly teenager, with this crazy red hair I had no idea how to style...ugh.” Kaito shuddered, rolling his eyes. “What an awkward kid. Thought being blond would help, somehow. What about you? Ever try anything like that?”

Kokichi huffed softly, enjoying the mental image Kaito painted, glad he could share in some embarrassing childhood memories from his husband’s side too. 

Tilted his head to the side, Kokichi thought. “Just, like...changing up your look stuff? I mean...I star-ged cutting my own hair when I was fourteen, but I still do it, so I du-ggo if that counts.”

...had he ever really changed up his look? He’d changed, certainly, but...in part because Ikuo hadn’t been there to buy all his clothes anymore, and because being in control of his hair had been just...something just for him that he was allowed to keep from everyone else. 

Other people still bought his clothes, though not for a while since he hadn’t grown in a long time, and whenever he had to dress up, it was always Denji’s work. What else really was there?

“I don’t think so?”

Kaito snickered, “Just that cute and sexy your whole life, huh? Lucky. How on earth did I get so lucky to get someone so naturally pretty.” Kaito sighed, shaking his head in baffled disbelief. “Thirteen year old me would have been so awkward around thirteen year old you. I can just picture it. I’d have gotten so smitten so quick with this doe-eyed kid and tried waaaay too hard to impress you. Did you like juggling as a kid? I taught myself to juggle. Used to do it ‘casually’ around school, just assuming people were watching and being really impressed at my mad juggling skillz.”

Kokichi rolled his eyes a bit. Cute, maybe, though the second he opened his mouth that was ruined. Sexy? As much as Kaito made him feel sexy when they were together… “You say that as if I’b not awkward and e-barrassing all the ti-be e-ben now. Listen to be, Kai-chan--this is really the voice of a sex icon, yeah?”

And even when his voice wasn’t stuffed with was still...squeaky and overexcited and rambly. 

Though, it didn’t really bother him, and he went right into it again, his eyes widening in particular interest. “You know how to juggle?! That’s super cool! Forget it, you would’ve had be falling for you in an i-gstant.”

“Everything my ‘Kichi does is very sexy.” Kaito insisted, looking around for a tissue and taking it, putting it up to Kokichi’s nose and saying, “Your nose is dripping from the spices. Blow, babe.”

Making a clogged sort of sound from the back of his throat in lieu of a hum, Kokichi set his spoon down and held the tissue too, feeling a little too awkward to have Kaito holding it himself. Clearing his nose, Kokichi looked around for the closest disposal bin but could only give Kaito a thankful look as he took care of it himself. “Thangs, hun.”

“I don’t think anyone’s e-ber said I blow by no-gse sexily, but there’s a first for e-berything.”

“Someone falling for my juggling would also be a first.” Kaito said, getting rid of the tissue and then looking around, “I haven't done it in years, but I probably still could...need three things of equal weight...ah, Moco, Lucas, Zadr. Come along you three.” Kaito said, heading to his figurines and picking up three of his slightly bigger figurines. 

“Alright, so, the trick is not to watch your hands…” Kaito informed Kokichi, slowly at first tossing one item at a time into the air, watching them go in the air as he shifted his weight from one foot to the next, getting a rhythm as he grinned slightly, getting momentum as the pieces started to go so smoothly that it looked like they were all spinning in a lovely little circle...before he blinked and knew he had lost one before it had even fallen, cursing as Zadr took a dive into the floor. “Shoot.”

Picking it up, he looked it over, seeing his hand had fallen off and, putting the other two back, looked for the missing limb...there it was. Carefully picking it up between his fingers, he looked it over before shrugging, putting the pieces back. He’d fix it someday. “Yeah, it’s not as hard as it looks. Just takes practice. Which I’m out of.” Kaito snickered, going back to sit down.

Kokichi was slightly concerned when what Kaito chose to juggle were his figurines, but he was quickly entranced as Kaito started to get into a rhythm, watching with wide eyes and his mouth slightly agape. Because he had to breathe through his nose, but still. 

Though, when one of the figurines fell, he flinched in sympathy for the item, frowning a bit at the broken piece but...if Kaito wasn’t put out by it, then he wouldn’t linger. Some good glue and careful application and it’d be alright.

Kokichi looked around their room a little, making that same clogged sound. “I’b pretty sure I ha-b some little bean bags around som-bwhere… If you were interested, those bight be better to practice with. They see-bed to work for be alright, at least.”

He still had food to eat, but Kokichi couldn’t help but look down in slight irritation, wanting to be closer to Kaito. Even...if Kaito probably didn’t want to hold a feverish snot-machine. Looking up with a sigh, he asked softly, “D’ya think you’d wanna sleep in here tonight?”

“Bean bags would work great, though it’s not really something I feel like practicing these days. Did you used to juggle, ‘Kichi?” Kaito asked, assuming that’s what Kokichi meant by it ‘working for him’. As Kaito started eating up the last bit of his soup, sitting back down in the chair beside the bed, he snorted, “What, you want to go back up to the observatory? That was a terrible idea, I’m so sorry I suggested it. It was so cold. I swear, I woke up with crystalized drool on my chin. What a terrible idea.”

Kokichi shrugged a little. “I dabbled. It was so-bthing the Bunny Mgen did, so by dad taught me. Wasn’t as buch fun doing it by yourself, though.” There was a certain amount of accomplishment you could get from increasing the amount of things you could juggle at once but… If you wanted to do it at all, you couldn’t watch yourself in a mirror easily, and it was...kind of a bummer if you couldn’t show anyone or juggle with them, like the elaborate routines his dad had described. After a while, he just gave it up. 

Huffing a little laugh, Kokichi gave Kaito a small grin. “I like the obser-batory, but it’s not a pri-be winter hangout spot. Not without a lot of blankets and hot cocoa. But...at least you ha-b a little of an idea of why I usually keep the fireplace in here going for mgonths.”

Considering their room was bordered by others, it tended to stay a little warmer ambiently than the observatory, but it was an amount that was negligible in his own opinion. The fireplace was a top necessity. 

“Yeah, I think I’m seriously underestimating how cold winter is going to be. If this is the beginning of fall? Oof.” Kaito sighed, drinking the last bit of his soup (he usually didn’t do that. It was an old tradition, but in Luminary you were expected to leave a piece of food on your plate as a nod to the chef. But even at home it was something really only nobility did, and Kaito had realized quickly it wouldn’t be appreciated here, so he didn’t bother anymore.) before looking over at Kokichi’s food. He still had some left, and not wanting to hurry his husband, Kaito just kept his bowl on his lap, saying, “We can keep the fire on all the time, as far as I’m concerned. I prefer the heat. Feels comfortable to me, you know? I’m gonna be pathetic in the snow, I can already tell.”

Ah, Kaito was finally starting to understand. Kokichi nodded sagely before he gave his husband a sympathetic look. “I dunno if this is good or bad, but it’s weird for it to get this cold already. E-beryone’s a little off guard, I think.”

“While I’d like a war-b roo-b all the time, if we know we’re heading out for a lo-g ti-be, we should let the fire go out. Sa-bes wood and lessens the chance of an accidental fire.” The grate in front of the fireplace was heavy and high-quality, but...it really was best to be careful. ...not that it dissuaded Kokichi from thinking of an occasion where he’d want to ask Kaito to help him lay out blankets in front of the fire and...maybe get even warmer. Spend the night there. 

...maybe. 

Kokichi felt his cheeks warm a little more than just the heat that had been in his head all day, and he quietly ate his soup. Could be a nice thing to talk about one day but...not while they were still figuring things out.

Run out of wood? Huh...maybe Kaito could use the money he had been just idly collecting the last two months to buy Kokichi some stuff that his husband seemed reluctant to get himself, like extra supplies of wood. Unless it was less a funds thing and more a resource thing? Well, maybe he could learn to cut wood then? Make some trips down to the woods, bring back some supplies…

Kaito sighed. 

Right. Sure. Prince lumberjack Kaito.

He was so useless.

It was easier to act brave and competent and self-assured when everyone around him seemed to be on the verge of freaking out. If the only goal was to calm someone down? To make them feel a little better? He more or less was reliable at that. But man...he was so useless otherwise…so actively, consistently destructive...

Heh. A showpet of a failed kingdom. And not even a good dog that doesn’t bite…

Kaito felt a brief moment where he wanted to hide in the bathroom and just curl up a bit and pray...but he took a breath and that sick, heartbroken feeling passed. Eased back out into feeling fine again. He wished he was drinking right now. Heh. Maki would kill him.

“...hey, ‘Kichi?” Kaito said, looking over at his husband. The question bubbling out of him before he had time to analyze it. “Who was Aurhim?”

As the brief silence fell between them, Kokichi tried to finish off his dinner. He wasn’t overly full or completely without an appetite or anything so...it was better just to get himself to eat everything and not worry anyone. Use a full meal to get better. 

He’d finished his soup and bread and was working on the last of the fruit when Kaito spoke up again and...Kokichi froze. He was completely still for a beat before letting his hand fall back down, setting the pear slice he’d been about to work on back down. 

...he wanted to ask where Kaito had heard of him. But...it wasn’t as if it was really a secret. Especially with everything that had happened...he wouldn’t be surprised if Kaito had overheard some people reminiscing...or...drawing comparisons…

Taking a careful breath, Kokichi wasn’t exactly able to fight off the haunted expression on his face. “...he was a citizen.”

...he knew that wasn’t what Kaito was asking.

But he was still quiet for a moment before looking up at Kaito tentatively. “...he ne-ber e-ben laid a hand on me. Just...saw me playing in one o-b the parlors and turned himself in. Ga-be the names of the people who’d sent him.”

Katsuki had been the only person to successfully break into the castle. Some people had rented rooms in the castle, others had waited for festivals and quiet moments, some just walked into the castle normally and took their shot. Aurhim had done the latter and...he hadn’t even approached him. Had just seen a young boy playing by himself and...realized that he’d been sent to kill an innocent child. 

Some of the others had been convinced that it wasn’t even about Kokichi, but just what he represented, so they could get around that fact in their head. Others tried to insist that he wasn’t so innocent, that people would die and suffer under his leadership. It was rarer, but others hadn’t known that Kokichi was a child at all. 

...the thought of anyone being ostracized was horrible, but...Kokichi was glad that all the organizers of the LRG would never have a chance to manipulate a person ever again. And the community outreach benefitted more than just the direct aftermath of them--it benefitted all Diceans in probably a great deal of their lives. 

The balance of government involvement in local community was a difficult balance. The LRG had just been a consequence of too little involvement. Kokichi could only hope he wouldn’t swing things to the other extreme. 

He’d gone quiet, his hands fiddling in his lap as purple eyes clouded over, haunted by...what might actually be a legitimate ghost, if he’d believed in them. 

Kaito quietly watched Kokichi. Right. He had suspected from what Hideki had said that Aurhim was another would-be assassin. And he wasn’t surprised to hear the guy hadn’t done any damage. Katsuki had already told him that out of all Kokichi’s murderers, Kaito had been the only one to do any actual damage to him. So just...some idiot who had been manipulated by that bullshit heritage group.

...one who had apparently deeply hurt his husband's feelings, based on the look Kokichi had on his face.

Kaito didn't know what he had hoped to gain from asking his husband about it. Maybe to just...understand Kokichi a little better. To get a better grasp of his philosophies and morality or just who Kokichi was as a person. Maybe understand Dicea better. He didn’t really understand anything...and he wanted to stop hurting Kokichi with that lack of understanding. Wanted to stop being angry at people that his husband had apparently gone out of his way to forgive. Just wanted to stop feeling angry...

He stared at that lost, haunted look on Kokichi’s face...

“...I wish I was like you.” Kaito said, sincerely, before reassuring, in case this was like the incidents with the healers and Kokichi didn’t want to tell him because Kaito was a stupid, irrational monstrous brute who couldn’t control his feelings. “I won’t be mad. I won’t call him names or anything like that. He didn’t hurt you. It sounds like he tried to help you...I’m sorry that he died…”

Kokichi was quiet for another moment before looking up at Kaito, almost...defeated in his expression. “...I can’t generalize what people in our countries are like, Kai-chan. I barely know any-g-one from Lu-binary, and… The b-ore I get out, the b-ore I realize there are b-ore kinds of people I’d ne-ber i-bagined in Dicea. But…”

“...Aurhi-b was a wreck after he turned hi-bself in. I tried to talk to hi-b a few ti-bes but...it was like just seeing b-e was painful. He hadn’t done anything, and...to him-n...it was like he was talking to a vengeful ghost.”

“...he realized what he’d been lied to about before he took action...but he still agonized o-ber it like he’d killed be.” Kokichi closed his eyes and hugged himself, trying to steady his breathing. “...he couldn’t take it. He jumped off the outside o-b the obser-batory.”

“...I’d snuck outside to play that day. No one knew I was there…”

It had been a long time, but even just talking about it so directly...it still hurt. Remembering someone he hadn’t been able to get through to, someone he’d failed. And seeing the same sort of guilt not just on the staff members who had joined that way, but everyone who had had to keep him from going outside or taking sharp objects away from him. They thought it was best so they still did it, but that didn’t mean that everyone had been oblivious to how much it’d hurt him. They just...made the unhappy compromise that his emotional pain was better than his physical pain. 

Kokichi took a deep breath and scrunched his eyes closed tightly, trying to beat back the tears.

“...” Kaito put aside his bowl, putting it on the side table. He considered crawling into the bed….but decided to just put his head on Kokichi’s knees, using one of his arms to cushion it a little as he looked up at Kokichi. “...’m sorry, ‘kichi.”

He wanted to ask what the guy had even been doing in the castle...but he knew better by now. And regardless of how Kaito felt about Kokichi and his relationship with...kind of everyone, it didn’t really matter how Kaito felt about it. His husband had wanted to help all these people. It had been important to him. Kaito had to...respect that. 

“...I’m sure if he had known you were down there, he wouldn’t have done it. He doesn’t sound that cruel. I’m sorry you saw it at all...and I’m still sorry he died.”

Kokichi nodded a little, still taking steadying breaths. “...I just don’t udderstand when people don’t care that they’ve done so-gthing wrong, because everyone I know hates and tortures thembsel-ges for bistakes they bade. So-gtimes...to the point of jupping off the obser-batory.”

Scrubbing at his eyes a little, Kokichi then gently carded just the tips of his fingers through Kaito’s hair, not wanting to...get closer than his husband wanted. Wanting to be respectful of his unsure feelings. “...there are legal repercussions, and you ha-b no obligation to be friendly with anyone but...most o-b the people I know...they’ge suffered enough. But they won’t stop torturing themsel-bes. I’d rather e-beryone just boves on and starts li-bing again…”

After a moment, Kokichi hiccuped a bit of a harsh laugh. “...and I know how hypocritical that is when it co-bes to myself. You don’t need to point it out.”

“Well, so long as you know already.” Kaito said, smiling a little up at Kokichi, perfectly content to stay where he was. He remembered laying his head on Byakuya’s thighs like this, back when he was young. His brother telling him all the reasons he didn’t need to feel bad about things. Telling him things Kaito had desperately needed to hear...as he stared at someone who had told himself all the opposite things. 

Kaito wouldn’t have survived, carrying Kokichi’s heart. He didn’t know how Kokichi was still alive.

...it was so hard, not feeling like a monster, in the shadow of such a fucking dazzling light...he wondered if Kokichi knew how hard he was to live up to…

“...maybe people...I don’t know...maybe they worry if they don’t torture themselves, they’ll do it again? Maybe he was worried he’d be tricked again...it’s very easy to see how you can end up making the same decision again, after you’ve done it. See all those little flaws and horror in your personality that led you there in the first place...maybe if they moved on, they’d be shittier people for it.” Kaito said dryly. Tired.

“...baybe…” Kokichi sighed. “But no one is the sa-be person day to day, or e-ben minute to minute sogtimes. We bake bistakes to learn frob theb. Sogtimes you need to bake the sabe bistake a few tibes, but...it’s neber really the sabe bistake, and how you react is different ebery tibe.”

After a moment, Kokichi’s brow furrowed. “...an’ if you bade a bistake because sobone lied to you? That’s not your bistake. That’s their’s. You should neber be shabed for listening to sobone you trust--it’s their responsibility to lib up to that trust an not lead you astray. If they can’t, then they’re not deberbing og that trust, and they shouldn’t hab a leadership position.”

“...that’s why we keep habing to rebind grocers that they can’t starbe out certain people…” he sighed. “If you don’t want to respect society, then you don’t get to benefit frob it… is the idea, anyway, but it’s not right to leabe people to die…”

“Mmmmm.” Kaito hummed. He’d probably have a hard time being nice to someone he knew successfully killed the queen too...well, maybe he wouldn’t. He was still cool with Byakuya.

Kaito snickered at that thought. “...that LRG group? They were soooo bad at child murder. Seriously. How do you fail that many times? You weren’t even a strong kid. Like, forget not being worthy of leadership for not respecting society: they also sound like they were just really, really stupid and bad at managing other people. What a bunch of losers.”

Kokichi nodded a little, sitting back on the pillows Kaito had propped up for him. “I think I should be really thankful none of theb cabe for be thebself. They didn’t want to get their hands dirty, so they preyed on people around theb...people that were horrified wheng they found out what they’d really been sent here for. And, ultibately, the people who helped bring their downfall.”

“...they were not fit to be leaders, so they failed. They were not strong enough on their own, so when the people they relied on got an option to do anything else? It all crubbled.” There was a beat, Kokichi letting his eyes closed comfortably though he wasn’t sleepy-tired yet. Just resting as he lightly traced Kaito’s scalp. “...big losers, the lot of ‘eb.”

“Mmmm-hmmm. Fucking losers.” Kaito nodded, “...you already know that it’s not your fault. That the people around you torture themselves, right? It’s not your fault you’re surrounded by emotional masochists.”

Kaito didn’t know if he was a hypocrite saying that. God knows he didn’t exactly feel great about himself these days and….even with Shuichi and Kokichi and the baby and Tim and Maki and, ya know...war treaties and stuff...he really could just run someday if it felt bad enough. Run and move on…

...but he knew from experience that he wasn’t always going to feel bad from all this. That as terrible as it was now, as much as jumping off the observatory didn't actually sound all that bad an idea right now...he’d get over it someday. Just wake up and realize he just...felt better. 

Which was probably why he kept making the same mistakes over and over again, probably. Probably why his country was a failure and so was he. Probably why he kept hurting Kokichi over and over again in the very short timespan he knew him. A good husband would have probably killed themselves by now, honestly. At least after the second time he raped him anyway.

If Kaito held on, he’d eventually emotionally get around his guilt. Maybe he’d be able to claim he learned and grew from it too. That’d be ideal... but either way...he knew he’d get over it.

...poor ‘Kichi...he deserved to have someone better than that...he deserved better then basically everything that had ever happened to him, honestly. 

Kokichi sighed and let another beat pass. “...I know. I know that their bistakes weren’t by fault, and I know that they’re not just hurting because they feel like they won’t hab a punishbent otherwise--they’b already gone through the legal stuff.”

“...but I care about theb, and it’s still hard to see people you care about in pain. Mgakes you think about what you can do to help, and...it’s easy for that to lead down the path of thinking that you should’ve already done those things.” He huffed softly. “That’s why I’b supposed to be a leader one day, I guess. Because I neber stop caring about people hurting.”

“...I just wish I knew how to help you too.” Kokichi played with the hairs on the back of Kaito’s neck, finally noticing how long they had gotten. Kaito had said something about wanting to talk to Denji about a haircut--Maki had just beaten him to it in a move none of them had seen. 

“...I think it’d be nice for you an’ Baki-chan to spend Harbest with Timb. There are a lot of gabes and stuff like that going on--I always see a ton of kids running around, eben mgore than other festibals.” 

“Kai-chan doesn’t need any help. I’m fine, Kokichi.” Kaito sighed, nuzzling into his legs some more, soothed by his fingers as he said, “I’m...going to get better and I’m gonna act better and I’m gonna get my head around Dicea and take care of you. I’m gonna take care of Shuichi and our baby and I’m gonna take care of Tim and help Maki...and I’m gonna...fix things with Byakuya and Kaede and...save Maki’s siblings and…”

Kaito swallowed hard, clearing his head a little, taking a breath as he tried not to let the fear of all that get to him. There was no other way forward. He had to be better, and to be better, he had to do all those things. So he took a breath and continued, “...and I’m gonna get the temple set up and f-fix my religion so...so no ones being abused by it and I’ll make my mentor proud, and, and, I’m g-gonna...pitch that daycare idea to the king or H-hideki or whoever and...finish all those letters that I’m supposed to write back to and…”

Kaito took another steadying breath, closing his eyes for a second, before opening them again, “...I’m not going to hurt anyone anymore. I’m not...m-mindless or...a dog or...or anything like that. I-it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks...a-and I’m not going to be another dumbass in your life, ‘Kichi, who can’t just fucking...get over myself and be better. I’m just gonna be better. It’s not hard. I can do it. I’m gonna be a good husband and a good prince-consort and a good father...I can do it…”

Clutching his fists, he sighed again...before grinning up at Kokichi. “I’ll definitely do that, but me and you are gonna get to hang out during it too, right? You still have to win me a prize, right? And I want to ride one of those hay carriage rides with you. Do you all do that here? It was a cute thing couples did during fall festivals at home.”

...it was nice to hear Kaito say all of that, but…

“...are you sure you don’t want any help? That’s a lot of things, and...despite what you say, it is really hard. I don’t think I’ve e-ber heard of anyone eben attempting half of that on their own.”

“Kai-chan’s abazing, but...he’s not alone. Why struggle to do sobething difficult when you could just do it with a lot of people? Then you all get to feel satisfied with the results.” Kokichi turned to cough into his shoulder, realizing...he should really follow his own advice. It was so dumb how it was always easier to find solutions and tips for other people’s issues…

Turning back, he gave Kaito, at first, a small, tentatively hopeful smile before it relaxed into one filled with excitement and adoration. “Yeee… I think we hab something like that? There are some orchards on the edge ob town, and they usually mangke a ton of cider for Harbest--since it’s kind of far, the carriage rental places and stables offer rides from the center of town to the orchards.”

“I’d luhb to do that with you...neber been before, though people’ve gotten be the cider on their own. I’s really good.”

“...well, we’re going this year then. We’ll go to all the things this year. Anywhere ‘Kichi wants to go.” Kaito sighed, finally willing himself to sit up. He knew he’d need help doing all that other stuff. Hell, he wouldn’t be able to do most of it without literally begging people for help. Kaito was prepared to do that. Asking people for help was part of that whole ‘getting it done’ process...but he wasn’t going to say that to ‘Kichi.

But it was still something he had to do. Hell, the ‘asking people for help’ part was going to be the hardest part of it. Especially as someone who had nothing to trade for it anymore...no money, no favors, no connections he could exploit...and it wasn’t like Dicea. He couldn’t just say ‘it’ll be good for the community’ and the people on the other end would just go, ‘oh, of course, why didn’t you say so, here you go’...but, well, if Luminary was full of people like that, they wouldn’t be having problems like these in the first place. Just another failing of his people, he guessed. Or, really, a Momota failing…

...god he wanted to hide. But ‘hiding’ wouldn’t help anything. And he wanted to help. His husband deserved the help...his Light of Dicea…

Just breathe, Kaito. One step at a time. What’s the next step?

“Are you done with your food, babe?”

Kokichi smiled softly. Travel would probably still be rather limited...but just outside of town? Super doable. Even that trip to the north to that waterfall the others had pointed out didn’t seem too dangerous. A real waterfall...that would be a nice trip. And for everything at the festival he wanted to do, well, there was no one stopping him anymore was there? And just like at the carnival...he had no one to prove himself to. He could recognize his own limits, and maybe there really were things he shouldn’t do. But he’d get to have that discussion. 

Taking a look at the abandoned slice of pear, Kokichi debated with himself for a moment before picking it back up. He gave Kaito a nod as he started to eat it, another meal fully completed. Look at him go. 

“Thanks for helping be out, Kai-chan. I really appreciate it. Especially when there’s a few things I could think of that you’d rather be doing.” Maybe being able to sleep the booze out instead of having to run laps, namely. 

“Nah. Drinking when you're sad is a terrible habit to take up. If I didn’t have Maki around to hold me accountable, that would have probably become a problem for me by now. And trust me, making yourself unable to think during your free time makes it real hard to solve your problems later. Sahara had a real problem with that.” Kaito said. 

Collecting both his and Kokichi’s dishes and putting it in a neat pile on their desk, before going to collect the bed tray and putting it away, thinking about it, he added in, “Saraha was a friend of mine. Nice girl. Just had problems, ya know?” he said, not bothering to add in she was one of the dead ones. 

Kaito had managed to get himself to stop guessing who was alive by just deciding they were all probably dead by now. It’s not like he could help the situation in any way by worrying over the two potentially living members. Some of the most powerful families in Luminary were already looking for them, trying to find their lost children. If anyone was going to find them, it was their parents. And it’s not like Kaito could just...go bring them back himself.

He’d be certain to take some time and pray for them tomorrow during Purdiciam. Atua would take care of them. The worst was past. They were okay now…

Kokichi gave his husband a soft look, figuring that (for once) they were on the same page. And...Sahara...he recognized the name. And not just because of… But...he didn’t know what to say. His fury and grief over the situation couldn’t compare to Kaito’s in the slightest, and...he wasn’t going to be both plagued and blessed with the memories of all the times they had spent together, knowing each other as people, learning all the hopes and aspirations and little quirks that made someone who they were. Kokichi said his condolences in his head, and it always just sounded...empty. Trying to understand something he’d never had the experiences for. 

“You know I don’t drink much, so I don’t have any personal experience, but… Addiction and coping are difficult fields. Makes things hard.” He sighed softly, biting his tongue to not say anything like...he hoped she was doing better. It was too cruel. 

Getting himself a little comfier on the bed, Kokichi managed a sort of stuffy hum this time as he weakly brushed his hair out of his face. “...I don’t...it bight be the cold, but...you have a holiday tomorrow, right? I know...I can’t really physically do buch for you but...is there anything you need? I could probably give you an idea of where to get things, if nothing else.”

“Um, I mean...I’ll need a bucket and a rag and some access to clean water, preferably hot...I guess if you know the nearest source of water to my shrine, that’d be good to know.” Kaito said, thinking about it he took off his shirt and kicked off his pants, tossing both of them aside before glancing over at Kokichi...hmmm...lots of snot…

Re-thinking it, he went to the closet to grab a sleeping shirt, which should help with the worst of it, before going to check on the fire. Could use another log. Alright…

The room prepared for the night, Kaito went to grab his medicine and swallowed it down, before going to the bed and crawling in next to Kokichi, putting an arm around his shoulder and giving him a half-hug as he said, “It’s a holiday, but it’s more practical than anything. Just a day you’re allowed to dispose of the blood sacrificed over time...and…”

Kaito chuckled, kissing the top of Kokichi’s head, as he admitted, “It’s not even an Atuan ritual. Not according to Miss Mery...my mentor, I mean. She knew all the history of our religion. She could show you a timeline of the whole thing. She tried to teach me all of it, but...I was young...and the texts where it was written down were destroyed. If she ever had copies, I never found out about them...um, but yeah. The blood ritual stuff is for the Goddess Khalisi? Goddess of….” Kaito paused, struggling to remember, “...fertilization and menstruation, I think? I guess at some point Atua’s worshipers and the Goddess’s worshipers basically got really close and started trading rituals? And Atua told his worshippers to just keep doing it, because it meant the goddess would look after us as well, and either way, it would honor the saints...my Mentor was pretty certain not all of our saints were originally ours either, though she wasn’t sure whose was who…”

“...none of it really matters. Atua doesn’t really want anything from his followers. He just wants to protect people. But...I like the rituals and the prayers and stuff. It’s comforting. I’m sorry if it’s weird or unsettling…”

Kokichi nodded more to himself than to Kaito as he listed off supplies he needed, easily knowing where Kaito could get everything. “There’s a public restroom in the sabe hall as your shrine, so water’d be easy to get from there. Should be buckets in the supply closet ober there too. If not, they’d be in main supply on the first floor--since Hajibe-chan’s a superbiser, he could bake sure you get theb alright. Sabe for rags.”

Kokichi contently watched Kaito get ready for bed, a little surprised since it was still so early, but...it’d be nice to cuddle in bed for a while. Maybe Kaito wanted to settle down and read until sleep. A low-key evening. 

After that afternoon, Kokichi had finally been able to change out of yesterday’s clothes, getting into some warm, fleece-y pajamas. Thaaaat he might spend a full day in too, but at least they were a little more comfortable for that. He still wasn’t feeling great, but he had help blowing his nose and having his sweat wiped away, so he was pleased in comparison. 

Listening intently to the, honestly, super interesting tidbits about Atuan faith, Kokichi looked up in surprise when Kaito tried to downplay it. “What?”

“I bean...sure, I don’t like seeing you all bloody, and there are parts of the faith that are weird to be but...that’s fine? I luhb listening to you talk about Atua, Kai-chan. It’s interesting, and I luhb hearing what you have to say, and your biewpoints, and...all that stuff. Your religion is something sacred to you--I’m not gonna shit on that.”

Kaito frowned...before nodding, saying somewhat uncertainly, “Yeah, ‘course, I didn’t mean…”

...he knew some of his religion was kinda fake and kinda put in there to exploit people and some parts of it were kinda abusive and...most people he knew didn’t really believe in it and...he was kinda crazy for caring about it all as much as he did. He knew. No one had too...too tell him...heh. 

Kaito had given up his right to the crown for...believing in it too much, essentially. He wondered how much about his religion Hideki even knew about? Enough, he guessed. It didn’t matter. Kaito didn’t care.

“...yeah, thanks ‘Kichi. I just...sorry, I don’t know what made me say that. Thanks.” He said, before saying, “Is there anything you want me to get you? I might close my eyes in a minute. I know it's early, but I’m a little worn out. You can wake me if you need anything, of course, but I think I’m kinda done with the day.”

...Kokichi had a feeling Kaito knew exactly what made him ask. But instead of not pushing… He had to give them outs. 

“...you can always ask be anything, hun. It’s neber...like, a stupid question or anything. And if there’s something you luhb, I bay not like it, but I can respect your luhb for it.” And with a sigh, Kokichi amended, “...eben with your brother. But we don’t have to get into that. I just… If you say you still feel positibely about him, I’ll trust you and respect that. I hab to work on my biases, but that’s by stance.”

Relaxing against Kaito’s side, Kokichi shyly gave him a small nuzzle, taking care to keep his nose out of the equation. “I’b alright, thanks. I luhb you.”

“...” Kaito kind of wanted to defend his brother. To try to explain himself...but thinking about trying and failing depressed the shit out of him, and he was tired already. He was tired of trying to argue that not literally everything about his life and the people he loved were garbage. It just encouraged the people around him to prove him wrong. And Kaito couldn’t really handle too much more of that right now. Maybe later. He needed a break from the endless ‘this is why you’re a piece of shit’ parade.

Like he told Maki. He didn’t need to be a mouth-piece for his brother, to take the brunt of Dicea’s disappointment in Luminary. At least not today. Or, at least not this evening.

He’d go back to trying to drag Luminary’s name out of the mud tomorrow.

...or maybe he won’t.

“I love you too, Kokichi. Seriously, wake me up for anything. It’s okay.” Kaito promised, kissing Kokichi agan, before settling into his pillows, closing his eyes and trying to sleep.

-

So, it was like this. 

Waku had heard Hajime working out getting buckets and rags up to the fourth floor, trying to keep track of everything, especially with the whole towel incident. Susan had never seemed ruffled by the accusations, so Waku wasn’t sure about that whole thing, but! They were keeping track of supplies better these days, so something good came out of it!

Anyway.

She had wondered what sort of big project was going on up there, and apparently Prince Kaito was doing a sort of religious ritual today, cleaning up his shrine. Which really needed it, if the smell from even the other side of the door was any indication. But...cleaning was something Waku knew how to do! Professionally! And if there were special measures to be taken to clean it correctly, she was a quick learner too. 

...and Kaito needed some allies. His heart had been...so sad. Sad in a way that sparked anger, that Waku was quickly learning was just how Kaito operated, but...that anger always led back to loathing and...really, that scary depressed sound. With that sound, it was better to have other people around, like, period, but people who were willing to be kind?

Waku had been saved by kindness, once. She wanted to become the type of person who could give it to others, and Kaito was in desperate need of it. 

So, with an armful of cleaning cloths, she marched up to the closet on the fourth floor, ready to offer her assistance.

Kaito had bowed low to Hajime after he had provided him the bucket and a rag he’d need, doing his best to apologize to the guy as he did, this being the first time he had spoken to Hajme since the incident with Shuichi. Hajime had been a little uncomfortable with the apology, just saying he hoped Kaito was treating his boyfriend better now that he was taking the medicine, and Kaito had promised he was, he was doing his best...and ultimately it had been kinda awkward. 

Kaito got the impression Hajime was starting to get protective of Shuichi. Which he appreciated. He wanted people to be looking after his pregnant boyfriend...but Hajime’s suspicion in the question of how Kaito was treating him now had hurt, and as he dipped his rag into the clean bucket that he knew he’d have to pour out and refill in a second, he said to Atua, “Atua, who loves me...um...hey. Is Shuichi doing better? Could you offer him calm, if he’s not? I really hurt him not that long ago, and...I didn’t do much better yesterday...I was supposed to be there for him for this doctors appointment, right, and-”

Kaito blinked, looking over from the wall he had just gotten started on, wearing a short sleeved shirt and pants that he had rolled up over his knees, no shoes, as he looked at the door. Who was knocking? One of his friends?

Assuming someone needed him, Kaito got up, groaning a little as the tension against his knees lightened, before going to open the door in concer-oh. Uhhhh.

It was Waku….

He hasn’t apologized to her yet. Had been very unkind to her. Ah, geez...okay. Bowing low, he said, “Hello, Waku. Um...did you need anything?” He asked first, not wanting to interrupt her with an apology if Kokichi had sent her for something urgent or something.

Nerves. But not annoyance or anger. Okay. 

Waku grinned up at the tall prince, shaking her head a little. “It’s more about what you need, Prince Kaito. I heard you’re cleansing your shrine today--I’m here to lend my assistance. I don’t know the etiquette for this, but at the very least, I’d like to dump out the buckets and bring you fresh water.”

“And if there’s not such a strict ritual, I do clean for a living. I just wanna help you out.” More than just for cleaning his shrine, but that was a solid step. 

Kaito blinked down at her. “You wanna help...uh..”

He looked over his shoulder at his shrine. It was, as he had said before, a bloodbath in here. Honestly, he was a little embarrassed and disgusted by it himself… “...it’s not...super sanitary in here…” he admitted, concerned for the woman. He wasn’t unclean, but at the same time, asking anyone to clean this with him would be...asking a lot of that person.

“Um...if you’d like to help, maybe just the bucket thing would be a good idea. It’d be extremely helpful, honestly...oh! Uh!” Kaito reddened, remembering he had to apologize to this person. Taking a step out of his shrine, Kaito looked down at Waku...man, she was so small...even a low bow wouldn’t put him below her…

He got into his knees, bowing his head a little as he said, “I have a lot to make up for, when it comes to you. I’ve attacked you twice now, and was extremely rude to you when you brought me water. I...shouldn’t have done any of those things. I had no right to treat you like that. I’m very sorry.”

Lifting his head, he added in, giving her a tired look, “Um, and...you don’t have to call me Prince Kaito. You can just call me Kaito. Everyone can just call me Kaito. I’m sorry for that too. If there’s anything I can do to compensate you, please name it.”

Waku shrugged a little, saying, “Blood’s never bothered me,” though she didn’t push beyond that. He didn’t sound like he was trying to keep anyone out of his shrine, but it didn’t have to be a huge desire for him to be uncomfortable with someone coming into his religious space. His concern was only kind, but she wouldn’t push that worry. 

...especially with the regret oozing out of him. A huge change from the last few times they’d spoken. Kokichi had been right--he’d been scrambled almost into something unrecognizable. 

“Okay, Kaito,” she returned with a smaller smile. “You have scared me a lot. For a while, I was considering trying to avoid you right out. But you’re not a bad person, and not at least giving a try to reach out to you would make me kind of an asshole. Still...I do appreciate the apology.”

Extending a hand, almost as if she was planning on lifting up the man over a foot taller than her, Waku felt a little more confident than just the determination that brought her to the shrine. “I wanna get to know you--how you express yourself and not just what you’re saying in here.” She clasped her free hand around the charm of her necklace, right over her heart.  

“So, I guess letting me help you out today is something. I’m not expecting to be friends, but I’d like to give it a try.”

Kaito looked at the charm, raising an eyebrow ever so slightly. Oh...kay…? He didn’t know what he was saying to her charm, but, alright...sure…

Kaito’s stomach shifted uncomfortably as her apparent desire to get to know him. Oh. Okay. Another Dicean to disappoint. That would...go well. 

Come on, come on. Stop moping. The lady was trying to reach out to him, and he was already dismissing her attempts. That wasn’t going to help anything, he knew that. So, shaking off his misgivings, Kaito gave her a small grin, taking her hand and allowing her to make the motion of helping him up, though he didn’t put any weight on her as he stood back up. “Um...thank you. I...it’d be good to learn a little more about you too, honestly. I know so little about anyone that works here, and I don’t know literally anyone outside of the castle-” not true, but everyone else he knew was dead or at trial for making people dead, “-and I know that’s been worrying ‘Kichi. I’d...appreciate getting your insight on the people around here if you’re really okay helping out. There’s no pressure too though.” Kaito suddenly insisted, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, “If you were just trying to make a kind gesture, then I appreciate it, but you don’t have to follow through. Cleaning up blood is a lot of work, even on wood, and especially on plaster…”

Waku’s shoulders relaxed a little as Kaito accepted her offer. He was...weirdly despondent about it but… Well. She could understand thinking that you didn’t deserve for people to reach out to you. She knew Kokichi had a complicated relationship with the concept, but...sometimes it was nice to have a friend who didn’t have any expectations of you. 

And, really, if Kaito didn’t try to come at her with a sword, then he was exceeding expectations. 

And so, once he’d gotten back up, she raised an impish eyebrow up at him. “Oh, I know. Have you ever washed blood out of four-layer blackout curtains? They’re black, so at least they look okay, but it’s still a sanitation concern. Eventually we just had to use a power washer on them.”

Moving some of the buckets closer, Waku set the rags on a drop cloth she’d brought along, grabbing one and wetting it and wringing it, ready to get to business. 

Kaito went to grab his bucket, using it to keep the shrine door pushed open. He had been planning to keep it shut and locked throughout this, but figured Waku might appreciate not trapping the smell in here as he went back to his own spot.

Giving her a wary look, he said with a hint of nervousness, “Why were...you cleaning blood out of a blackout curtain…?” he asked, starting to scrub the blood out of the wall again.

Waku took a good look at the closet and...yeah. It was nearly a literal bloodbath. But it wasn’t the most blood she’d ever seen in her life, and likely Kaito would feel more comfortable with it cleaned to a more manageable level. So she just got back to work, lining up the buckets now that the door was open and draping a rag in each so they didn’t have to worry about finding new clean ones. 

“It doesn’t get too humid here, but there are still people around with chronic nosebleeds. We had a guest once who had the unfortunate timing to have their allergies spike while they had a nosebleed. There were globs of snot and mucus and blood and things I haven’t studied anatomy enough to really know about, just, everywhere.”

“Poor guy was mortified and had locked himself in his room so...it got pretty bad,” Waku lightly reminisced. “Eventually we convinced him to go to the medical wing and had the chance to clean. It was rough--took five of us rotating in and out for a few days to get everything clean and sanitized. Couldn’t save the pillowcases, though. It was a good call on Haneda’s part--she’s super good at cleaning blood out of things.”

Kaito relaxed. Of course. God, stop doing that Kaito. Fuck, thank god he hadn’t just straight up worried aloud that the paranoid lady had witnessed torture herself. A guy with bad allergies. Fuck. 

Shaking his head at himself, Kaito chuckled a little, “Is she? That’s handy. Guess Tim’s in good hands if he scratches his knee or something. If it took so much to clean the curtains, why not just have them replaced? Five people working on them seems like a little more effort than they’re worth. Are they expensive?” Kaito asked, wringing out some of the blood in the bucket before going back to scrubbing. There really wasn’t much ritual to this process. At home, a Priestess would give a speech before they all started, and everyone would pray together before beginning, but, well...well, he could still do the end of holiday practice. Just naming and thanking Atua for all the prayers heard over the spilled blood. It wouldn't take long. He hadn’t spent very long in this shrine. 

Giving them both enough space to work around in, Waku worked on the wall opposite to Kaito, catching sight of something familiar and smiling to herself. Kokichi had really gotten good at drawing--it was fortunate that most of the little drawings only looked like they had a few drops of blood that had made it onto the paper. 

“Not particularly, but it is a lot of fabric. It took five of us for the whole room--we might’ve put more effort into it than we needed, but we wanted to see what we could salvage. It can be a little awkward to show up at a recycling depot to give things seeped in blood. Nothing those folks have never seen, but it does save a lot of people a lot of worry.”

She couldn’t reach higher up on the walls, not without a stepstool, but for a cursory wash it’d still do. Nodding to the pictures taped up, even if Kaito had his back turned, Waku asked, “Have you seen Kokichi’s sketchbooks? He says it’s just a hobby, but I really think some of the stuff he’s made could show up in a gallery.”

What even was he looking at right now? That spot was too dark to be blood, right? He could tell it was a spot where he punched the wall, but there was something...geez, maybe he didn’t want to know. He just needed to dig it out of the wall and dump it into the bucket. Hopefully it was just some skin. 

“No, not really. I’ve seen him sketching in it before, but I didn’t want to distract him from drawing by asking to look.” Kaito looked over his shoulder, face softening as he saw the drawings he had managed to tape to the wall. It wasn’t all of the ones Kokichi had given him. At one point, Kaito had taken two of them and ripped them into pieces, just...angry over something. He couldn’t remember what. The pieces were in the blood sacrifice bowl. He had felt so bad… “They’re cute, right? ‘Kichi pushed drawings under my door when I was, uh...in here, every day for a while there. Um, see that one? The one where it’s two pictures and ones upside down? He and Shuichi worked on that together. That’s my favorite one.”

“Because he looks so focused, right? He doesn’t mind being interrupted though, so if you’re curious, I’d say indulge yourself.”

Waku looked over her shoulder for a moment, hearing a spike of regret, but…

She came over to take a better look at the picture he was talking about, recognizing Kokichi’s style and the lack of it on the other end...though maybe there was something funny to it, since it looked like the other drawing was Kokichi. “That’s really sweet. It looks like Shuuichi is a good artist too, at least from this drawing.”

Waku turned to face Kaito with something of a teasing grin before she returned to the wall she’d been working on. “I’m no oracle, but I have a feeling you’re gonna have a lot of portraits of yourself. Kokichi thinks about how pretty you are a lot.”

“As he should, I work very hard at it….thinks?”

“That’s what I can guess at, anyway. Sometimes his heart just abruptly overflows for you--and Shuuichi too--and it sounds like all sort of different stuff. I think it’s pretty reasonable to assume it’s because he’s thinking about things he likes about you two.”

Kaito gave her another slightly uneasy look...Kokichi had said she had some mental issues, which was how LRG had gotten her in the first place, but he had thought it was just emotional issues. Ah geez… well, there was no need to make her feel shitty about it. So, keeping an open mind, he asked, “You can...see or...feel his heart’s emotions? Can you do that for….anyone or just people you know well?”

“I can hear it!” Waku corrected with a chirp. “The world is full of puzzles and codes, and language is a huge one. We can understand each other just because we both know the same code. People’s true feelings and emotions are just another one. I just listen to someone’s heart and I can decipher what’s in their heart.”

She sent him a...slightly less excited look. “...you can just tell me if you think I’m crazy too. Most people do. But no matter what anyone says, this is how I see reality. It doesn’t make it any less real to me.”

Kaito winced at that, realizing she must have seen it in his expression. Shaking his head, he said, “No, I mean...I don’t want to call you...it’s shitty being called crazy. If you can hear people's hearts, then sure. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.”

It’s not like it would hurt anything, after all.

Going back to scrubbing the wall, he mused, “Puzzles and codes...I think you and Shuichi would have a fun time talking theories. He says he sees the world in equations. You can see it in his writing. I usually can’t make heads or tails of it, but it all definitely follows a sort of logic...ever hear anything interesting?” Kaito asked, thinking maybe this might be a good way to start getting castle gossip, “Nothing mean or that people wouldn’t want me to know. Just, I don’t know…” Kaito shrugged. If he could hear people's emotions, he’d be listening all the time. It’d be amazing not having to guess or try to read people's body language. He was okay at it in Luminary, but man, he was out of his depth in Dicea.

Waku hummed in interest. To be honest, she hadn’t heard much other than panic in Kokichi and Kaito’s boyfriend the few times their paths had crossed. But if he saw the world in equations, that was personally interesting to her. Someone else who saw a sort of logic in the world, even if the answer you found was that there was just chaos and randomness. Maybe she’d have to try and strike up a conversation with him next. 

“Of course! People are always interesting, so there’s always funny stuff they’re thinking. Like what I said about Kokichi--all business as usual, then, bam! Absolute gushing and fawning.” Of everything that had happened, it was really something special to hear her prince falling in love for the first and second times. 

“Mm… Mr. Hinata doesn’t trust Susan any more than he can throw her, and that hasn’t changed even with her quitting. She doesn’t seem to care, though--there’s a certain sort of lightheartedness to her, like they’re playing a game.” Waku wrung out the soaked rag in her hands, not caring too much how already her hands were starting to stain a light reddish-brown. “...ah, Aiichi’s been a lot more outwardly proud of Kokichi lately. I think it’s because Kokichi’s really good at the board games they’ve been playing? It fits the playfulness of his heart, and if there was anyone who’d be delighted to be beaten at, like Sagrada, it’d be the boss.”

The maid laughed under her breath a bit. “I think you’d be able to tell this yourself, but Mr. Kauzaki is over the moon for your child. It’s the kind of thing people get excited about, but I don’t know if I’ve ever heard someone be so loud in excitement for a baby.”

Kaito smiled warmly at the idea of Kokichi gushing over himself and Shuichi. His sweet ‘Kichi…

He had no idea who Susan was, but he guessed whatever the issue with her and Hajime was resolved already, if she had quit. Wait, was she the towel lady? Hajime kept complaining about someone secretly stealing towels. Kaito had thought it was a weird thing to get obsessed about. 

He tensed at the talk of the king. Outward pride….the fucker...but he breathed slightly through his nose, reminding himself that this was a good thing. Kokichi was finally getting the reassurances he had been hoping for from his biological father. It wasn’t Kaito’s place to be angry, especially at a king. Sigh…

He relaxed a little at the talk of Ikou though, grinning warmly as he started working at the higher points of the wall, “Yeah, it’s a relief how happy Ikou seems, actually. I really appreciate that he’s been getting Shuichi things he needs for the pregnancy, since we don’t really...know how to prepare for that yet. And having someone around who knows what we’ll need to do to take care of a baby? I’m trying to read up on as much stuff as I can, but...I just hope…”

...please don’t let him end up like his own father. Shuichi and Kokichi hadn’t really been raised by any fathers, Shuichi only having his mentor and Kokichi losing his father at ten. Kaito had been the only one to grow up with his father (not to mention Tengan) (no. Tengan doesn’t count.) and he just...he just wanted to…

Kokichi was going to be King. Shuichi would eventually get a job as well, he was too smart not too. Kaito was ready to take the bulk of the parenting. He was the only one not...doing anything...and he just...he was so destructive… what if he hurt the baby…

“...I’m gonna ask Kokichi to offer Ikou the nannying position. I don’t know if Baby Shuichi’s grandpa would want that sort of responsibility at this point in his life, but man, we’re gonna need the help.” Kaito sighed, before looking at the buckets, “Looking a little red. Think we should make a run to switch out the water?”

Waku nodded a bit. “I know I’m not really one to talk since we’re the same age, but you guys are having a kid really young. And a baby too, since you’re already caring for Timothy. New parents are always nervous, but it’s just extra nerve wracking this way.”

“Probably, yeah,” she agreed, taking a hold of the buckets and starting to head over to the bathroom. Her grip didn’t so much as waver, her strength true despite her small frame. Even as she walked, Waku gave a small laugh. “Oh, I think Mr. Kauzaki would be endlessly touched if you guys wanted him to be your kid’s nanny. He was only paid to look after Kokichi, but if you ask pretty much anyone who was working here when he was before, everyone’s got at least one or two ‘Dad’ stories about him. He’s the kind of person that’s good at looking after others.”

“Even people like me,” she sighed, speaking quietly.

Going back to the bathrooms, Kaito held the door open for her to empty and refill her bucket first, following suit as he asked, tone light, though he had heard the sadness in the statement, “Do you have a ‘Ikou Dad’ story, Waku?” 

“I only knew him for a few years, but yeah.” They had actually known each other for three years before the nanny had left for the war, but it was only during that last year did...well… Kokichi was forgiving, but Ikuo...was less so. He respected the decisions Kokichi made when it came to forgiving the people who’d come after him, but...Ikuo was the person who held Kokichi after nightmares and would be the shield when Kokichi needed someone to hide behind. Knowing how much his son feared the people he’d chosen to forgive made Ikuo’s forgiveness all the harder to earn. 

“I was having some trouble in school,” Waku started as they walked back to the shrine. “And at that point, it all kind of hit me at once and I didn’t come out of my room for a few days. He came by with some ice cream and asked to talk. Maybe that’s something simple, but it wasn’t something I’d ever had before.”

Bullying was a big deal in schools, but that didn’t mean it never happened. Being called weird and crazy were some of the more uncreative things she’d had slung at her, and at this point they didn’t bother Waku too much--she knew who she was. But to an insecure twelve-year-old still convinced that they’d find her and take her away...the castle was safe. School hadn’t been. 

But the man who she’d been slowly warming up to, and her to him...it meant the world to Waku, back then, to have someone want to listen to her. A man who she knew to be kind and caring to others, and to finally have that offered her way...and he did give amazing hugs. He’d listen to her talk about her fears about being so different from the other kids, about being cast out, about how she never really stopped feeling like she was just one tiny mistake from being dragged back to the hell that had been her life before coming to the castle. 

And he’d promised to protect her. That if the other kids thought that differences were something to be ridiculed rather than embraced then they really needed to go back to kindergarten since that was a concept even toddlers knew. He’d even come to her meeting with her teacher at the time, coming up with a plan to dismantle the cruelty that had been shown to her by the other kids. 

That was what having a parent was like. Despite Ikuo not actually being her dad, it was nice to feel like it for a little while. 

“It was nice having someone to confide in, and he helped me talk to my teacher,” she concluded, getting right back to work. 

Aw. That was nice. “Right, you're my age. So you grew up in the castle. That must have been interesting.” Kaito observed.

He had the thought of wondering...why she was still here? But, he felt like that thought was distinctly unkind towards Shuichi and Maki in particular. It was probably hard to leave the home and life you had grown up in for new pastures, and there was probably a comfort to her for staying the familiar and safety presence of the people she had grown up around. Just because she could leave by now, well...maybe she’d just rather not too.

...Shuichi and Maki had both been planning to strike out on their own someday. The three of them had talked about it, fantasized about it, one their trip down here, Kaito strongly encouraging their tentative but increasingly excited dreams and ambitions. They had planned to stay with Kaito for awhile, until things were settled and they were certain he was safe, but, well...they were civilians now! They could do anything!

He had been happy for them…

...those memories were now a little weird, considering that the whole time both of them had been expecting Maki to use that new freedom to go and likely die in the attempt to murder a bunch of people all three of them knew. He supposed Maki had hoped she would live, but all of that would have made her aspirations to have a family someday much...much harder. 

He knew this wasn't how she wanted to do it, but he did suppose she had Tim now. And she still could go out on her own someday to start her own life but...well, her and Shuichi both...leaving the castle was looking more and more like a distant fairytale for the two. And Kaito was pretty much entirely responsible for that being the case for both of them.

Well...oh well...they got back to the shrine, and he continued working, saying suddenly, “Thanks for helping me with what’s essentially a religious ritual. I suspect the Atua religion is maybe an uncomfortable subject here, so...do you worship? A different religion, I mean?”

It had been, though probably in a different way than a lot of people who lived in the castle thought of it. She and Lake had had a conversation about it once. About how, despite the constant business and flow of people, the castle was...so calm. There was always a lot going on, but it had always just been...stable, in her opinion. 

You didn’t have to be scared of anyone just...seeing that you were existing. Raised voices didn’t mean violence was about to follow. There were people who made sure you had enough to eat at dinner, and, oh, really, are you sure you don’t want any dessert, the pie tonight was really good, and to wish you goodnight and…

The castle was a home. That was novel and interesting to Waku, even if by this point she’d spent the majority of her life there. 

Waku heard something bittersweet in Kaito. Considering the warring feelings he’d had in him before, it wasn’t that surprising that talk of happily staying in the castle was complicated for him. 

Shrugging a little, Waku thought about her answer. “Maybe. I haven’t heard many people talking about it, so I can’t say. As long as you’re not forcing anything onto other people, everyone’s allowed to believe in and practice what they want--as far as I know, the people who worship Atua here don’t ask other people to bloodlet or have sex with them, so it’s not really anyone else’s business.”

And for her own business?

“...I’m not really sure,” she murmured, working on a particularly tough spot. “I don’t think I could really believe in a god that’s supposed to affect anything. The idea of Yeuxism was kind of interesting to me, though. From how I understand it, Death is sort of like the leader, making sure that everyone’s coexisting peacefully in the afterlife. Being taken care of after you die sounds like a nice thing to believe in, to me.”

“Heh, yeah. I really gotta...find some followers and ask how they worship here. We’re, well..apparently a temple’s being discussed and I just wanna make certain it’s not going to...but I’m sure the Kings probably already found followers and asked them how they want to…”

Kaito frowned, conflicted. He was a member of the chosen family of Atua, and he wanted to make certain the temple would be a success and its followers taken care of...but certainly someone had already thought of all his concerns and questions and done all the things he was thinking, and if he brought it up himself, he was going to sound like he didn’t trust the King to do his job...which was extremely disrespectful...but if he didn’t, then what if the temple was a failure and his followers were left ostracized or uncomfortable  or forced to worship in ways they hadn’t before….auuuuughhhhh……

“...I’ll ask King Aiichi at some point...Yeuxism. I think Kokichi mentioned that religion when I asked him if the Ouma family ever worshiped. I don’t really know much about it, and he didn’t seem particularly interested in it himself...any religion that promises protection in the afterlife is a nice one, I think. It’s a comfort. And as someone who believes everyone goes to paradise eventually anyway, if you’re going to believe in another religion? That religion might as well offer that comfort. It seems cruel not to.”

A flare of nerves. 

That was always the issue, Waku had found. She could hear what people meant, but...well, what was she supposed to do about it? Sometimes it was easy, and people just wanted someone to talk to or empathize with, but some feelings were so much more than that. 

So, carefully, Waku hummed. “Well, you’re an Atuan who lives in Dicea--the temple’s gonna be for you too. I’d be surprised if Aiichi hadn’t asked for your input already, but I guess things have been busy. Still, it’s important to hear the voice of every member of a community! That’s how you get things to work!”

Waku nodded her head decisively, the concept clearly one she’d been taught both formally and from seeing it in action. Though, with the conversation steering back into religion itself and not logistics, she sighed softly. “I know it’s no reason to be complacent while you’re still alive, but thinking that it’s all going to be worth it and okay once everything’s done?”

She paused for a moment, looking at Kaito out of the corner of her vision though still working on getting the room clean. “...you go to paradise? What’s that supposed to be like?”

Kaito shrugs, scrubbing at the floor now, mostly to give his shoulders a break as he said, “No one really knows. My mentor theorized it was paradise only in the sense you were essentially living a life again, but now wise enough from the trials to live it well. Just...time everlasting with your friends and family and everyone else, all in a better place, mentally and emotionally speaking. That’s definitely what the trials are for, anyway. But every priestess I ever asked or follower who could be bothered to offer a theory gave me a slightly different idea. No one knows. It’s just a promise of happiness from Atua, wrapped up in the word ‘paradise’.”

Kaito hesitated, wondering if he should keep this to himself...he didn’t know if people knew this about him here. He...didn’t think they did? If Kokichi hadn’t known, certainly no one knew. He could spare himself the rumors...but…

He just couldn’t really bring himself to believe no one knew. And maybe it was just better to talk about it openly then appear pathetic trying to hide something people knew about already.

So he said, “...when I was a kid? I used to think I was talking to Atua. I heard, like...voices in my head and stuff. And I asked the voices what paradise was like, and the answer I got was that it was a garden, where everyone knew their place and was taken care of. They said it felt good, and that I’d be happy when I got there. I remember being freaked out, because they made it sound like I was going to see it when I became an adult, like...like as soon as I became an adult. I thought Atua was telling me I’d die young.”

Kaito shook his head and laughed, trying to shake off the memory of how terrified he had been.  What a weird time in his life… “I realized as I got older that I was just imagining them and the voices went away, but man, thinking you know exactly what paradise was like was not as much of a comfort as you’d think. I spent way too long over-analyzing the idea and making it seem bad in my head. I can see why Atua keeps it a secret. We’d all psych ourselves out, I think.”

...that sounded like a nice one, the one Kaito’s mentor thought about. Everyone getting to be with their loved ones but without any of the conflict that might’ve happened while everyone was alive. Just...getting to have a good time. 

“A promise of happiness,” Waku murmured softly, not wanting to interrupt. Maybe she just liked that concept of that best. Maybe just because it was so similar to what Kokichi had given her when they were kids. 

Though, what Kaito described next made her shoulders hunch up, but probably not for the reason he thought. “...for sure,” she agreed. “Knowing your place and it just feeling good? What terrifying descriptors.”

...people said things like that before they were drugged. Before others tried to beat them into submission. Before all your freedom was taken away.

Shuddering but taking those feelings and reminding herself that they weren’t reality, Waku turned for a moment to give Kaito a small smile. “I’m glad the voices went away. Feeling like there are thoughts in your head that aren’t yours or that you can’t control is really scary, at least from my own experience. And...at least according to my therapist, they’re most often lies. Intrusive thoughts and stuff like that. Same with schizophrenia. Up in the air for dissociative states, as far as my understanding is.”

“Yeah. I’m starting therapy soon. I thought I had already, but, well...yeah.” Kaito laughed, shaking his head again. He was getting to the point where he just found the Ford incident ridiculous now. That asshole had made him masturbate while he talked to him. What a stupid fucking thing to fall for. God, Kaito...that had been so dumb. Fuck. Honestly, he deserved it, if he was gonna fall for shit like that. 

“It came back for a little bit, while I was on the spores. The voices, I mean. Only it was just one voice this time, and it was kind of an idiot. I was out of it enough to hear voices, but not so much as to believe it was Atua, so the voice in my head was mostly just me, like...snarking to myself I guess? It went away when I got sober again, but it was nice to see having it come back wasn’t as alarming as I thought it’d be.”

Kaito looked over at Waku, and asked lightly, “You...sorry, I’ve heard some things about you. You have paranoid tendencies? Is that right? That must be a lot to take care of.”

Waku hummed approvingly, though she didn’t really comment much. It was pretty common in the breakroom to share notes on therapists, sometimes just talking generally about how someone’s last session was, but other times noting quirks and biases, things that would work well for some people and poorly for others. With all of them on the staff, she bet they had a pretty comprehensive rating for every therapist in the city. 

(It was a shame, really. Waku had always heard that Dr. Ford was very kind. But having interfaced with an imposter for a few weeks could really fuck with you, and even if it was a different person, seeing the same image in front of you would be too much for a space you were supposed to feel safe being vulnerable in.)

Smiling more to herself, Waku gave a nod. “That’s true, yeah. I still struggle figuring out if things are just a threat in my head or if they pose a real danger beyond just stressing me out so...sorry in advance if I flip out on you. I like to think I’ve gotten better about managing my reactions, though--and other people agree, so I’m not just imagining it.”

“...in some ways, it can be kind of helpful though. I managed to catch a rat hole on the east side foundation a few months ago that no one else noticed. We got it patched up within a week after I pointed it out.” There was a rare sort of pride to her words as she mentioned the short story. Her life might’ve been much easier without the at times hysterical panic that overtook her, but since she had it...it was nice to find upsides, no matter how small in comparison to the toll it took on her.

“Hell yeah! That’s awesome, Waku. Fuck those rats!” Kaito grinned, sighing as he took a little break, stretching out his shoulders for a bit as he looked around, “It’s already looking a lot better...this might not end up taking all day after all. That’s nice. I know I’ve said it twice now, but man, seriously, thanks for the help. This would have been a lot on my own.”

She giggled a little, bemused by Kaito’s encouragement. It reminded her of Lake a little. 

Looking up at his comment, Waku wrung out the rag in her hands and took a survey of the shrine. It was still pretty bloody, but more just around the shrine itself and not like there’d been a viscera explosion against the walls and floor.

Grinning back at Kaito, Waku gave him a nod. “I’m glad I was able to give you some decent help! If you need some help the next time you do this sort of cleansing, I’d be happy to help then too--well, any of us in housekeeping are on it when it comes to cleaning, but in terms of hanging out and making this more of a spiritual thing, if only in the sort of respect? Yeah.”

“Yeah. Maki told me that she was getting to the point where she thought the housekeepers were the only reliable people in Dicea. That’s not as much of an insult to Dicean people as it sounds: Maki generally thinks most people are unreliable, so to have a whole group called it? You guys are on it.” Kaito agreed, heading to his shrine and looking it over.

“And, yeah. Pudicitiam is every couple of months, so it’s something I do comparatively often, for rituals. It should never be this bad again, but if you’re okay with it, I’d love your help in the future too...hold on, one second. I’m gonna soak up the blood from my bowl in some rags and then dispose of them, but this part I gotta do something for it real quick. It won’t take long, I just gotta do it before I can disturb the bowl to clean it.”

He knelt down in front of the altar, and then suddenly feeling embarrassed, looked over his shoulder and said to her, “It really won’t take long. But if it’s weird, you can step out or whatever, you won’t insult me.”

That said, he looked back to the table and, sighing, bowed down., resting his head on his fists as he murmured quietly-

“-Atua, who loves me. I bled for help, and you sent Shuichi to me and told him that I was ill.-” 

“-I bled for love, and you allowed Kokichi to find a place for me in his heart, even when I did not deserve a place there.-” 

“-I bled for safety, and you sent Maki to fight...to fight Togami…-” 

“-I bled for my parents, and now they walk together through your trials, safe and learning.-”

“-I bled for Samuel and Marcus, Monique and Rawr-XD, Sahara and Komaru, Korikeyo and Kolesanda, Chad, Saber, Bailsong...and they walk through your trials, safe and learning. I will meet them again in paradise…-”

“-Thank you for answering my prayers. I am blessed in everything I do. Atua be pleased.”

And then he got back up, sighing, before going to clean up the bowl.

Huh. Waku supposed that cleaning up messes and keeping everything in order was a bit more...it needed people to be reliable more than some would think. If you forgot to take the trash out, then it would collect and stink and pests would get in to feed. If all the dishes were dirty, then no one could cook, and no one could eat. If you left dust to collect, then it’d start to stick and it was a pain in the ass to clean, rather than just running a duster or even a soft rag over things. Just to do less work, and to do the job at all, she supposed they had to be a reliable bunch. 

Waku hummed again, only caring about what Kaito needed to so in as far as she wanted to make sure she wasn’t in the way. Leaving him to it, she found any smaller spots they’d missed and cleaned them as quietly as she could, not wanting to disturb Kaito. And what he was doing…

She looked up as Kaito got up to clean the bowl. “...it’s acknowledging everything you asked for help with, and coming to terms with how things panned out, right? Far from weird...that sounds like a really comforting way to approach life as time goes on. I’m glad that you have something like this, Kaito.”

Carefully soaking up the blood from the bowl, Kaito nodded, “Yeah. Atua doesn’t always give you what you want, and sometimes it doesn’t feel good what happened...but he’s not cruel. He doesn’t directly interfere for a reason, and when he does push things in certain directions, sometimes it’s not in your direction. And you just have to...be okay with that.”

A lot of things hadn’t panned out like Kaito had hoped this time. But, well...faith was faith. You didn’t stop worship, just because it sometimes felt like the universe was going out of its way to shit on you personally.  And maybe this ritual, and others like it, were part of the reason that he knew that someday he’d feel better, even when right now he sort of felt like the world was ending.

Because, like...sometimes you just had to accept bad things happened, and move on. And Kaito was practiced at that. It was literally part of his religion.

“Alright.” Kaito sighed, picking up a rag, “Let’s get the rest of this done.”

-

“We’re coming tomorrow! We’re both coming tomorrow!”

“Don’t. You’re not allowed, Cali.”

“Uh….I think….I need permission from my mom….?”

“Fuck your mom! Tim, you gotta get your mom to show us how to throw knives! Then we’ll go to your mom Kimiko and show her that you know how to throw knives and you will THROW DOWN if she doesn’t tell you what’s up!”

“My mom’s never going to let you anywhere near a knife, Cali.”

“I don’t really wanna throw knives at my mama…”

“Then just show Kimiko how to throw knives then! I wanna learn how to swing a bat! Do you think Kaito will let me swing a bat at him at training tomorrow???”

“You can’t come to training, Cali. You’re not allowed...also, he may let you swing a bat at him, yeah. I stabbed him in the back, once. Twice. Two times at once. He’s weirdly cool with that sort of thing.”

“Me, Kimiko and Timothy! Dicean assassins! They’ll spread our names far and wide!!”

“I’m not sure I’m even an assassin anymore…” Timothy glanced over to the front of the school gate, where he saw Haneda waiting for him, and sighed, shouldering his backpack. “I gotta go. Don’t come to training tomorrow, Cali. You’ll get into trouble.”

“We’re both coming! Right Kimiko!?”

“If my mom says okay then yeah...I’ll bring sandwiches I guess?”

Timothy sighed, rolled his eyes a little, and headed to his nanny.

If nothing else, Haneda was relieved that Tim was holding onto his friends. His parents weren’t giving up on him, but that in no way meant that...they were actually “parenting”. Whatever that looked like. Friends were what you could really rely on. 

She could already tell he was going to be the more stoic type, but even with his friends around, Tim had been quiet lately. Withdrawing. Something dangerous, maybe, if it continued. Kaito and Maki weren’t ready to be parents, and the amount of time Tim spent on his own not by his own design was… Well, something she’d unfortunately seen a lot of. 

Haneda made sure to keep an eye on him during those times, made sure he at least acknowledged his homework and got food during mealtimes and made sure he had everything he needed for bed. Had given him a talk when she’d gifted his finally complete mask, explaining that if he started feeling under the weather or if there was a bug going around, wearing it when he went out would make everything a little easier. It was necessity but…

...she wasn’t good at the emotional stuff. It was why she was a nanny and not his mom. 

Haneda patiently waited for Tim to come to her, not wanting to cut in on whatever he was talking about with Cali and Kimiko, glowering at any of the other parents who picked their kids up or dropped them off for afternoon classes. And as he reached her, she gave him a nod and turned to head back home. “Acceptable day?”

Tim shrugged, “‘guess so. Thought about pushing a kid down some stairs. She was picking on Kimiko. Decided to just go to the swingset with her during lunch instead. Think that counts as a nice thing?”

He was still, technically, collecting ‘nice thing’ stories for Kaito every day...he wanted to be prepared for the day Kaito actually remembered to ask him about it. Just watch. His luck? The one day the prince decided to ask him about his ‘nice deed of the day’, that would be the day he finally cut one of those idiots messing with his friends.

Honestly, Haneda wanted to offer just decking the kid instead of pushing them down the stairs, but...gotta be responsible. “Nicer to Kimiko--depending on the person, solidarity can mean more than defence.”

“...picking on her how, though,” she asked, narrowing her eyes. As...sort of proud she could be for not maiming a kid, if his friend was being bullied...well, they should talk to their teacher, but...standing down some asshole was still in the bounds of a normal interaction. 

“Kimiko and Sadie are both the best artists in class, but Sadie’s a little better then her. She’s always making Kimiko feel shitty about it. She’s started doing this thing that any picture Kimiko shows in morning show and tell, she draws a better version of it by lunch and goes around showing everyone. It made Kimi cry today.” Tim explained, looking tired. 

Kimiko was nice. She was sweet and could be really vibrant and cheery, when she was in a good mood. But she wasn’t in a good mood very often, at least not since Tim met her. Apparently her mother had started acting really distant and mean for a few weeks there and then just...stopped? And Kimiko’s not sure what she did wrong and it was making her skittish...Cali was fixated on her. Tim liked her well enough too, so he was okay with that fact that Cali wanted to invite her to everything they did now.

Honestly? He thought maybe Cali had a crush. Whatever.

Haneda growled lowly, rolling her eyes. Kids. “What an insecure asshole. Ask her the last time she’s ever drawn anything original, or if she just plans on copying others and expecting to be rewarded for it.” That was still innocuous enough to not turn it into an issue. With a huff, though, she added, “And if your friend is still feeling bummed about it, you can point out that she’s done all the hard work of designing the drawing. No matter your skill level, it’s way easier to copy than it is to create an original work. It sounds like Kimiko is drawing for the love of it, while Sadie just wants people to notice her.”

That could just solve things, but…

“...if things get worse from there, then tell Mr. Cendril, okay? I know adults are dumb and unreliable, but while this is happening at school, that’s the best way to protect your friends. If you try to settle things with a fight, it’ll create more trouble and make people feel sorry for Sadie.”

They didn’t walk through the shopping district to get back to the castle, but it wasn’t too far away. Looking over at the people coming and going, Haneda grunted lowly. “...need anything before we go back?”

Tim frowned, before rubbing his arm a little, thinking about it...before admitting, “...can we go to the hobbies and crafts shop? I...accidently...threw a figurine Dad bought me out my window, and it broke. I wanna buy a new one so he doesn’t know.”

“Sure. We can get a new one, but if you still have the old one, let’s see if we can glue it back together. Maybe make some mods for it to look cool.” 

Changing the direction they were headed, Haneda kept a light hand on Tim’s shoulder as the streams of people increased, not thinking that he’d run off, but wanting to let him know that they weren’t separated. And even with the increase of people, she gave him a look. “Accidentally, or ‘cause you were pissed at him fucking up again?”

Tim clenched his fists, before shrugging again. “...dunno.” he admitted. He didn’t. “Was..wasn’t really thinking about it. Just suddenly got annoyed with it and threw it. Prince Kokichi got sick, I guess. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”

Timothy warily watched the people around them. It was so strange, sometimes. People should be different. Here, he meant. Why weren’t people different? It’d be a lot easier if they were...sometimes he felt like he was back in Luminary. The buildings were different, but the people looked the same. It was weird.

Lots of things were weird. He had wanted to talk to mom about it yesterday, but she said she had to take care of some things...with Prince Kokichi again...he guessed it was okay. Prince Kokichi was her boss. It made sense. She probably couldn’t help anyway.

“...are ghosts real in Dicea?”

“Just look out for other people around, if you can think about it. Sucks when people get caught in the crossfire when you’re pissed.” Haneda sighed softly to herself, wishing she knew what to say. It didn’t feel right to point out that his parents were letting him down when...really, that’s all she knew parents to be. So...she just grumbled, that old anger in her chest. “It’s not fair of them to keep doing this to you, Tim. You’re right to be pissed.”

Fuck knew she was. It wasn’t that she had extra work, and she really didn’t mind looking after Tim--he was a good kid--but… To take on this sort of responsibility that they obviously couldn’t handle? It was better than just abandoning him, she guessed, but not by much. 

Caught a little off guard by the question, Haneda raised an eyebrow at her young charge. “...are they real in Luminary?”

Tim scoffed, shaking his head no. “They’re just scary stories you use to freak out new recruits and idiots. I’m not stupid. But…” 

Tim sighed, looking thoughtful, as they got to the store, going to open the door for his nanny as he said, “...it’s different, when you see it for yourself, right? Like, believing in spooky stories is stupid, but not believing your own eyes is stupid too. So are ghosts real here?”

Haneda thanked Tim as he opened the door for her, having realized by this point that she should just reward Tim’s politeness. He wasn’t going to relax certain things, and, really, they weren’t harmful habits or anything. Instead of pointing it out all the time, making him feel different or like he should be ashamed, it should just be something he should be appreciated for. 

Considering his point now that he clarified he wasn’t just freaked out by playground stories, she hummed as she led the way to the section for model-making. “In my opinion, no. I’d have some goddamned words if the dead really had nothing better to do than to be all weird to people who are still living. There are some people convinced they’ve sensed ghosts in the theater or in the Memorial Garden, but I think they’re just seeing what they want to believe. Letting their minds freak them out. Like...they’re expecting to see ghosts and be scared, so their brain makes it up.”

She ran over his words in her mind again before giving him a curious look. “...did you see a ghost? If it wasn’t just something like feeling a weird draft, then there might be something going on.”

Timothy walked past a store clerk who looked incredibly bored as they nodded along with an older woman’s request for slightly bluer yarn….no, no, dear, not that blue, little lighter...no that’s not quite right either. Hold it up to the light, dear, maybe that one...no, not that one...heading to the figurines and looking for the little dragon man that Kaito had bought him. 

“No, he was definitely there. He keeps walking around and stuff. I see him at the dining hall sometimes. Freaked me out at first, but…” Tim shrugged. “I heard once that salt makes spirits go away. Maybe I should throw salt on him…”

...that didn’t sound like a ghost. Or, at least, it was something way more substantial than what people usually talked about when they got on the subject of spirits. 

“...that might be worth a shot,” she murmured before looking down at Tim curiously, noting the price of the figurine...and...well, if they were here, she may as well get some extra thread. “...what’s he look like?”

“White. Blonde. Skinny.” Tim recited, digging into his pocket and taking out his allowance, counting it to make certain he had enough for the figurine before picking it up, following Haneda to the needle and thread section as he said, “He wasn’t wearing a beanie when he died, but he’s always wearing a beanie now. Number 9000 on it.”

Now, Haneda wasn’t the most social even when she had been on the housekeeper rotation, but even she knew at least descriptions of their returned staff. The short smug twink that was wearing shorts even now wasn’t exactly someone that blended into the crowd. 

But...why did Tim think...fuck...what was his name...Ai something. Why did he think he was dead? 

“He died?” After a beat, something almost like understanding came over Haneda, her hand stilling as she picked out small parcels of thread in colors she was running low on. “...you saw him while you were in the military.”

Tim nodded, looking over the little dragon figure. It was cool. A dragon man with wings. The one he had thrown was missing his wings and tail. He couldn’t find the tail, though he had found the wings. 

“Yeah. His intestines were coming out. Here.” Tim explained, pointing to just to the side of his abdomen, “Got him with a spear. Then my CO scared him off. Guess he’s haunting me now.” Tim sighed, shaking his head, “Stupid waste of time. He’s not gonna scare me. I’m just gonna...what’s the word for making spirits go away? Starts with an ‘e’….”

...oh shit. They had all known it was a possibility but...that was different from actually having to face that one of the veterans was someone who had directly fought against Tim in battle. 

“Exorcism,” she sighed, trying to think about how to approach this. “He shouldn’t scare you--and I mean that from his actions and not your emotions--but… Even if someone’s intestines come out, that doesn’t mean that they died.”

“As far as I know and everyone else does, Ai...nara is still alive and kicking.”

Tim stared down at his figurine. 

It wasn’t his yet. He hadn’t bought it yet. Just a matter of time. Then it would be his. And Kaito wouldn’t have to know he threw his gift out the window. And then maybe they could actually sit down and paint it. And he could tell Kaito the nice thing he had done for Kimiko, and Kaito might tell Maki, who might be proud of him….

He squeezed the figurine. The wings bent a little in his grip. “No, he’s dead. I killed him. Everyone was very proud of me. My squad leader let me have some alcohol when I told my squad. He’s dead. I did a good job.”

Sure, Haneda knew she was a little more rough and tumble than the average Dicean, but it was still...unsettling to hear that you’d be congratulated for killing someone. But Tim had admired and loved his squad leader, and Haneda hadn’t been to war. She had no place to tell him, who had actually lived through it, what it was like or what he should feel about it. 

Sometimes socking someone really was the right answer, no matter what other people said. 

So Haneda just shrugged and gave her kid a nod. “Okay. Next time I see him, I’ll let the little dickwad know he’s dead. Sometimes that’s what makes ghosts go away, I’ve heard.” Collecting the rest of her thread, now desperately needing to have a talk with Maki, Haneda hummed. “Is this everything you need?”

Timothy felt the tension lift in his shoulders. “That’s a good idea. Maybe he doesn’t know he’s dead. I didn’t think of that.” Tim admitted, glad to feel that panic start to leave him. 

Ghosts were one thing. Annoying nuisances, at best. Just things that scared people, at worst.

Living people? 

They...stabbed you and stuff. You had to be scared of living people. They leapt out of holes. They were so much bigger than Tim. He had never felt so small in his life. He had seen the man come out of the hole and realized he didn’t stand a chance...still wouldn’t stand a chance...he could only wait for those horrifying few seconds to see if he was going to die…

...he wished he was bigger already…

He didn’t even have a spear now.

Taking a breath, Tim reminded himself that ghosts were nothing to be afraid of, and shook his head. “No. Just this, Miss Kawai.” he said, heading to checkout with her, where they waited in line behind the older woman who, now that they were checking out, wasn’t sure if this really was quite the color she had in mind after all…

Okay, so that didn’t completely fall apart. Score one for her. 

Haneda relaxed a little right along with Tim, glad she hadn’t sparked a meltdown. “I don’t know a lot of ghost stories, but apparently they’re really inconsistent. I think any tactic you think of is worth a shot.”

Since Tim was still saving his money, Haneda paid for both their things together, after waiting impatiently behind the indecisive woman buying yarn. Then it was back to the castle and…

If Tim wanted to stay in his room to do homework or fuck around or something, that was probably the soonest chance she’d have to talk to Maki. If not...it wasn’t like she was going to be another person to abandon him. If he wanted help with the figurine, or wanted to spend time exploring, she’d be right there with him and...maybe she’d get a chance after he went to bed. 

And hopefully they wouldn’t run into Ainara at all.

-

“...he thinks someone in the castle is a ghost?” Maki asked, face deadpan, as Kaito awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, looking back and forth between Haneda and Maki uncertainly. 

Timothy had ended up wanting to take Chase outside and running around with her. His puppy got a little bigger every day, and now she was starting to get to the point where she could push him down if she or he wasn’t careful, so Tim was trying to teach her to not run full speed into people, and some advise he had gotten was to let her do it to him a few times, and fake like he was seriously hurt so she’d be concerned. He didn’t know if it would work, but it kept him busy, and Maki and Kaito had been heading down to the courtyard to spar about the Shuichi/slap situation when Haneda had found them.

The spar wasn’t super urgent, more an honor thing then anything, so they were more than willing to put it on hold when the nanny said that she needed to talk to them about something. Maki had assumed it would be an issue with school. Ghosts was a new one for her, she’d admit.

“Who?” Kaito asked, looking over to the boy, who was still waiting for his opportunity to fake cry, waiting for his puppy to get over-excited and try to bowl him over.

“Ainara, guard, veteran, the idiot still running around in shorts even though it gets to freezing at night now.” Haneda sighed, one of her eyebrows twitching in irritation though she kept looking over at Tim, more...worried by all this than angry. Wild. 

“Apparently they fought against each other in the war, and Tim stabbed him. Assumed he died, and was congratulated for it by his squad. He mentioned that people had been proud of him, so I didn’t push it. But he’s been seeing Ainara around and thinks that it’s a ghost here to haunt him. Wants to exorcise him.” Haneda smirked a little, strangely proud at Tim’s practical approach even if his reasoning wasn’t all there. 

However, when she turned back to the other adults, her gaze was serious. “It’s bothering him, is the point, and if they run into each other before we try to explain it to Tim, it’s gonna blow up.”

Kaito winced and Maki’s eyes narrowed. Ooof...a ghost of his first kill… “Fuck, poor kid. I wouldn’t be that casual if I thought anyone I took out was haunting me…”

“...” Maki looked over at Timothy, considering. You always remembered every little detail of the first person you killed, and she wasn’t surprised that if the man was among the crowd of veterans who had returned, that Timothy would have recognized him immediately. And she agreed with Kaito: them returning for vengeance? That was a nightmare scenario, literally...god knows she had plenty of them.

...but…

“This might be a good thing for him, in the long run. We’ve talked about his time in the service. As far as I understand it, Tim only ever hurt two people during his time in uniform. A woman he wasn’t the final blow on and had no choice about anyway, and this guy. If this man is alive? That’s...a considerable amount of guilt he won’t have to carry into adulthood...it’s a chance I wish I had.” Maki murmured, more talking to herself than anything else. “Could be some real closure.”

“Wait, hold on...we’re not gonna tell Timothy this dude’s still alive? He’ll be terrified! We have to get rid of this guy, just get him out of Tim’s life.” Kaito insisted, giving Tim a worried look. “He’s already coping with the war. He doesn’t need to be put face to face with someone he was in a literal fight to the death with.”

“I’m not necessarily suggesting that...it’s just an opportunity I’ve never seen anyone have before. He thought he killed someone and they’re alive? That’s a relieving feeling.” Maki said, thinking of Togami, “But, you’re right...not if it leaves him feeling like he’s going to be stabbed in the castle someday...do you know anything at all about this guard, Haneda? His temperament?”

Haneda almost sent a surprised look to the Luminaries before remembering who they were. “I barely know Ainara, but he’s not gonna hurt Tim. He’s a guard, so they’re specifically trained not to hurt people even in fear or surprise--you heard Lake talk about it enough, Maki. If he even makes a move towards Tim, personally I’d probably put him in a Nelson and drop him to the damn ground, but he’d be fired and dismissed.”

“We just need to reassure Timothy that he’s gonna be safe no matter what,” Haneda hazarded a guess, smoothing a frazzled piece of hair. “Talking to that guard or not, he needs to come to terms that he didn’t kill someone, which, wow, never thought I’d say that, and he needs to know that, like...no one’s disappointed in him for that. That he’s not in trouble and no one’s going to come after him. It’s just a matter of showing him he can believe that.”

“Ah, right...geez. We definitely need to talk to this guard at some point, but I guess making sure Tim at least knows what’s up first...geez.” Kaito sighed, running a hand through his hair. Glancing over at Maki, he said, “How do you wanna approach this?”

“It does feel kinda shitty when you thought you completed a job and it turns out you failed...and Tim deciding this man is a ghost probably means he really is struggling to let the idea go...there’s nothing more to it, really. We just have to talk to him.”

Looking over to Haneda, Maki considered her for a moment...before saying, “Thank you for bringing this to our attention, but if this is a conversation you’d like to skip, I’d understand. The conversation could become…” Maki pouted a little trying to think of the right word, “...disturbing, I suppose. Serious discussions of death often are. It’s not your responsibility, if you don’t want it.”

Haneda grunted, giving Maki a cool look. “I’ve already lied to him once. I’d rather have the chance to explain myself as soon as he questions it. And you two aren’t exactly shining examples of trusting the system in Dicea--which I at least appreciate, but not when we’re trying to explain it simply to a nine-year-old who should at least have enough trust in it to believe that it’s meant to take care of him.”

“I don’t know the guard personally,” the nanny shrugged, “but I know his position and people like him enough to confirm that Tim’s not going to be in danger. I doubt he’d believe that from you two. At the very least, I can be another person to kick Ainara’s ass if he even looks at Tim funny.”

Kaito and Maki gave each other what could be generously called a Look. 

“...suuuuure?” Kaito said, giving the nanny a worried grin, “I’m sure he’s...lovely? We’ll deal with the guard next. Or, maybe ask Kok...uhh….geez, fuck, this is going to end with Tim being encouraged to live with a mortal enemy, isn’t it…”

“We’ll deal with that bridge when we come to it.” Maki decided, sighing. She wasn’t worried about the guard trying to kill Tim. She was mostly concerned he’d just be an asshole to her kid at worst, or at best, just make Tim very uncomfortable. Either way, she’d deal with it. Tim wasn’t going to be left to handle it on his own. 

Maybe she’d convince the guardsman to leave. 

Maybe she’d take Tim and move out of the castle. 

Either way, Kaito’s concern wasn’t going to come to pass. She wasn’t gonna put Tim through that.

“Alright. Let’s get this done. Timothy!” She called out to the boy, who was exaggeratedly rolling on the ground groaning while his puppy poked her nose into his side and whimpered in confusion, both puppy and boy looking up at Maki’s call.  “Here!”

“Coming!” Timothy called back, getting up and, Chase at his heels, both running to the three adults. As he approached, he asked, “Yes?”

Kaito grinned down at him , ”Hey kid! Me, your mom and Miss Kawai need to talk to you about something. Take a seat, this might take a second.”

Timothy gave Haneda a curious look, before nodding, sitting down as Chase began to roll around in the grass.

Haneda took her own seat, not wanting to lord over the kid, especially for a conversation like this.

Maki and Kaito did their best. They told Timothy that first of all, no one was mad at him. Not for anything he did as a soldier, and, not for anything he failed to do as a soldier. Timothy had nodded along with this. Sure. Course.

Then, Kaito grinned and said that he had heard Tim was talking about his first kill, and that he was seeing a ghost of him around? Yeah. Okay. But ya know, it’s okay if that’s not the case. No one was gonna hurt him for it… yeah? Yeah...but he’s dead.

Kaito then asked Tim how they celebrated his kill, and Tim answered with a shot of whiskey. Kaito had laughed and said he had been given honey-rum. He then told him that he hadn’t liked the honey-rum and had ended up vomiting it later, and that had made him start crying, and to this day he couldn’t bring himself to drink honey-rum. Because it hadn’t felt good to drink it. 

Mai then told Tim that when she finished her first mission, her mentor had taken her to get her favorite food at the time, mocha ice cream. Like Kaito, she had found the treat tasted bad to her after that, and to this day, she couldn’t bring herself to eat it anymore. 

So?

So...rewards like that are meant to make you feel a little better in the moment, but...that’s only because it didn’t feel good at the time. And it never really feels good later, either. And if the man that Tim had killed was alive...maybe that meant Rum would taste good to Tim someday. Because maybe that was a good thing.

And Tim had looked back at his parents with a long, serious expression...and then sighed, rolling his eyes. Standing up, he said, “I don’t need to feel better about it. He’s dead. I’ll prove it. Let’s go get salt.”

“There should be shakers out in the dining hall,” Haneda sighed, not entirely surprised that Tim didn’t believe it. Having the guard real and in front of him might prove it but...she had a feeling that wouldn’t go well. That as soon as he realized that Ainara hadn’t died that...she didn’t know. Tim would freak out, maybe try to fight the guard like he had that night he and Cali were running away. Where he forgot where he was. If it had happened with her, then such a horribly familiar face wasn’t a far shot. 

But sometimes you needed to face horrible realities, even as a child, in order to accept things. To move on. 

At the very least, he wasn’t going to face Ainara alone. 

Once they collected a shaker, Haneda asked a guard where Ainara was posted today, and they headed out to the front gate. Figuring she should take the lead, being more familiar with everything, Haneda raised her voice, catching the attention of the short blond man, indeed wearing a black beanie and shorts. “Hey, Ainara!”

The man turned with a casual look, about to ask what was up before… Shock quickly dropped his smile, his gaze locking onto…

...they’d all been horrified when they saw children running around the battlefield. That it wasn’t just a case of a few stowaways, but that the children were organized and meant to be there. They all had tried to just incapacitate the Luminaries they fought, but the children… Kyuusaku knew more than a few people over the years who had taken to just running whenever they saw a kid nearby. 

...he’d wished so much he’d been one of those people. 

His vision had been blurry with pain, but...bright red hair and a huge scar were clue enough for him. 

Putting his hand over his mouth, IQ sagged against the gatepost he’d been standing next to, shaky, shuttering breaths leaving him, drawing the attention of the tall, bespectacled brunette on the other side of the path. “IQ?”

“Ohmygod you’re alive thank god-”

Maki’s hands were close to her skirt. Kaito was giving the other guards a worried look, extremely uncertain how this was going to go or how they should handle this but knowing that he was ready to defend Tim if anything went screwy...whether that was defend him from the guard or defend him from the other guards trying to, uh...protect the guard from the nine year old. Kaito knew better than anyone how effectively the kid could stab someone. He knew it wasn’t necessarily the guard who would do something.

...it was somewhat reassuring, to see the guard was, as Haneda had thought to herself, kinda a twink. Kaito could take him. Which means Maki wouldn’t have to kill him. 

...not that it looked like he would have too. Both the adult Luminaries gave the man a bit of a ‘dude?’ look, and Timothy, in turn, still had a disbelieving, non-impressed look on his face as (ignoring the way his heart thumped a little harder every second he got closer) he walked up to the guardsman and said, very matter-of-fact, “Yes, I’m alive. You’re dead. Go to the trials already.”

Then he shook the salt on him. Stepping back in case he got like...he didn’t know. Melty or screamy or something. 

Sei narrowed his eyes for a moment before looking back out at the path leading to the castle. He didn’t want to get involved with IQ’s messes, but...he could stay vigilant so whatever was happening could happen without the other guard messing up his assignment for the day.

...maybe this was a good thing, though. He had always wished IQ would grow up and stop being a little bastard, but...ever since he’d met up with the man again when they had headed back to the capital, IQ had been...quieter. Didn’t try to rile people up, didn’t try to take part in any sort of competition if he saw even the slightest seam he could pull. Sei had no delusions that fighting in the war had changed every person who was a part of it but…

...it really was kind of unnerving how much IQ had changed. And despite Sei’s desire to get back to a quiet life and not be pulled into IQ’s shenanigans again, like always, he was. After a night of spending time with IQ and his brother...well, killing a child would change anyone more than even everything they’d been through. 

But, apparently, he hadn’t killed a child.

It was a very strange sort of coincidence that while Tim had been seeing a ghost from his past all over the place, IQ hadn’t seen the young ex-soldier once. He knew that the new prince and one of his friends had adopted a child that had come as part of the Luminary Party, and that he was supposed to be on the lookout for anyone committing hate crimes against any of the dual-citizens but…

What were the chances?!

Trying to collect himself from the tidal wave of utter relief, IQ blinked in confusion as the kid...threw salt all over him? After a beat, he shook some of the salt off as he questioned, “Uh, I’m not dead? I thought you…”

He trailed off, looking at the small party that had come with the kid, finally registering who they were. And...ooph. Grimacing...how was he gonna explain to parents that he’d been the one to cut up their kid? He hadn’t seen who had stabbed him before he lashed out, but...did that even matter to them? He’d heard some nasty rumors about, well, both the prince’s and bodyguard’s tempers. 

IQ crouched down on the ground before deciding to just sit with his legs crossed, trying to make it as visibly difficult for himself to get up and go after the kid. He held a hand up, still not reaching out, but offering. “...I’m sorry I don’t know your name, but...I’m happy you made it. You didn’t kill me either though--you can touch me to prove it, but I’m not gonna ask you to come near me if you don’t wanna, okay? I’m sorry I’ve scared you so much.”

Timothy frowned, looking down at the man's hand...before huffing. Walking up to him, he took his hand (flinched at the warmth, but still not deterred) and started pouring more salt on his hand...brow furrowing as the man still didn’t melt or scream or disappear in white light or anything like that...pressed his mouth into a tight line…

Maki immediately bolted forward and grabbed the knife out of Tim’s hand the second he pulled it out of his pocket. “No, no. He’s...guh, look.” 

Putting a protective hand on Tim’s chest, she pushed him back a little, and then expression not changing and quicker then Kaito could see, slashed at IQ’s hand with the blade she took from her son. 

“Oh geez! Fuck!” Kaito bolted forward now, wedging himself between Maki and IQ as Maki ignored him, showing Timothy the blood on the blade, who inspected it with a concerned expression. As she did that, Kaito said to IQ, “I’m so, so sorry, that was my fault, I told her to do that if that situation came up, I’m so sorry, uh, I’m carrying a rag, here, use this to stop the cut, I’m so sorry.”

Timothy reached out to touch the blood. Eyes widening. “...he’s alive?” he said, looking over at IQ through the space between his parents, “... I didn’t kill you?”

IQ hissed as his hand was cut, reflexively curling it into himself, and it was enough to draw Sei’s attention again but...the smaller woman wasn’t aggressive. This wasn’t a fight, this was a point. 

Haneda, realizing the same thing, facepalmed before groaning. “Really couldn’t have just asked him for blood, no. Gotta be dramatic.” Guard’s carried medical supplies on them, but Haneda brought out her own, becoming another person between Tim and Ainara as she offered a roll of bandages for when he was ready for them. 

“Hey, she didn’t cut right through, it’s cool,” IQ tried to reassure, though there was a certain tenseness to him. He accepted the rag from Kaito, putting pressure on the cut enough for it to clot. And while he put in a good effort of keeping his voice calm, it softened when he locked eyes with the young boy again. “You came close, but no. I made it out. You didn’t kill me.”

“...I’m sorry for hurting you. None of us wanted to hurt any kids...I didn’t see you. I’m just glad you made it out too.”

Tim stared at the man, face blank...before, turning away, heading back inside. 

...then he stopped, and turned back. “What did you say?” Tim called back. Something...complicated on his face. ‘I couldn’t hear you! You said something to me before I was rescued! What did you say!?”

IQ wasn’t really expecting much more than that but...he now knew that the thing he regretted most in his life hadn’t been as bad as he thought. He hadn’t killed a child. Hurt and traumatised one, yeah, but...that was just enough of a difference that he could feel a years-old weight on his shoulders start to ease. 

Though, what the kid paused to ask…

Scratching his cheek through an awkward laugh, IQ admitted. “Honestly...I don’t remember, like, exactly what I said? But it was something about freaking out trying to figure out if I could get you to a field medic…” Another small, humorless laugh as he looked to the side. “Probably along the lines of, ‘shit, fuck, dammit, how do I, a kid! Oh shit, I hit a kid, I might be bleeding out, holy fuck, damnit.’”

There was a derogatory snort from across the gate. 

IQ sent the other guard a glare. “Oh shut up, censor-bar.”

Timothy stared at the man...before huffing. Rolling his eyes and heading inside again. Sort of...annoyed? And with a lot to think about.

Maki watched Timothy go and decided she’d talk to him about all this later, after he’s had some time to think about it. She turned to IQ, before bowing her head ever so slightly, not...feeling super guilty about cutting the veteran as she said, “I apologize for my brash actions. I was concerned by his mindset.”

“Right! Did not mean to hurt you!” Kaito said, worrying about Maki’s job if the guard complained to Kokichi, grinning at him as he said, “Uh...look, we know this situation is complicated. You and Timothy were both soldiers on a battlefield, that’s...well, that’s a unique situation. Um...we’d ask you to be prepared for us to want to talk to you about how to approach this in the future, after we’ve had a time to talk about it among ourselves. But, we are hoping there’s no...lingering desires or fears of continuing what was left on the battlefield.”

Kaito laughed, rubbing the back of his neck, as he said, “I know there’s a lot of rumors about Luminary war-mongering and willing to destroy things and murder people regardless of consequences to ourselves...and…” Kaito dropped his arm. Grinning down at the man. “All of that is true. We will kill you if you touch Tim. It doesn’t matter what happens to us.”

Maki glanced over at Kaito, curious….before deciding to back him up. Nodding once behind him, face cold. “If one of us fails. The other will succeed.”

“...but! We don’t want to do that, and I don’t think you seem like the guy who wants to hurt Tim anyway!” Kaito laughed, grinning wide. “So that’s not going to be a problem! And again! I apologize about your hand, and about Tim’s, uh...rudeness. We will talk to him! And...yeah. We’ll be in touch about things.” Kaito said, bowing to IQ. Maki bowing as well.

IQ looked between the Luminaries as he wrapped his hand, at first looking baffled at the prospect that...why would anyone want to continue what had happened in the war? The war was ended so none of that stuff had to happen anymore--wanting it was, just, completely the opposite of what they were all fighting for? 

Sure, he didn’t think he’d get buddy-buddy with any Luminaries soon, even the Dicean-Luminaries in front of him but...well, they had their own country, and Diceans had kept onto theirs. He didn’t have to be friendly with any of them. 

And it looked like the feeling was mutual, as the prince straight up threatened him. Really, IQ looked more confused and insulted than scared or humbled. Snorting as he rolled his eyes and stood up, brushing his thighs off, IQ returned the roll of bandages to Haneda, briefly sharing a tired look before she headed off to see if she could tell where Tim went. If he went to his room, she wasn’t going to follow, but she wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to get himself into trouble. 

“Sure, whatever. I don’t live in the castle, but I’m usually on day shifts if you need to find me.” Making a face, IQ let go of a huff to calm himself again from the insult. “...you said his name is Tim? Let him know or not, but I am sorry for freaking him out. Never saw him before now, but I can’t imagine it felt good seeing me around. Y’all have a calm day.”

With a nod, Kyuusaku experimentally flexed his bandaged hand before turning back to properly take his post, sharing several looks with Sei that ranged from petty insults to shared bewilderment.

Maki and Kaito walked away from the guards, Kaito sighing...before saying, “I think that went well?”

“Could have gone worse, yeah.” Maki agreed, nodding. “We’ll have to talk to Tim about this, but at least it looks like neither of them are out for blood?”

“Yeah! And now Tim’s only killed, like, one person, right?”

“Basically no people. The other one was just, ya know...well, it wasn’t just him.”

“Hell yeah! Tim’s got no murders under his belt! That’s awesome. He’ll make an excellent Dicean someday. I’m happy for him...when should we talk to him?”

“Dinner. I think Haneda went to go comfort him now. If he wants comfort right now, he’ll let her do it...but honestly, he just sort of seemed disappointed to me.”

“...well, yeah.” Kaito chuckled. “Imagine having nightmares about a terrifying enemy you had a death-fight with for a year and you find out it was that guy. Did you see his shorts? Why is he wearing shorts in this weather? Poor kid. I’d be embarrassed too.”

“Just be nice at dinner. It’s okay if he’s still afraid of him.”

“Oh, yeah, of course…”

Upstairs, Timothy was heading to his room, just...a little confused and a little frustrated and not sure how to feel about anything…

Haneda caught up with Tim, for once, but stayed a good pace behind, giving him space if he wanted it. Coming face to face with someone you thought you killed wasn’t really an everyday occurance, and it wasn’t one that someone should be able to just shrug off. She was glad enough that Ainara--IQ, she guessed; she thought he had a dumb nickname like that--had been more or less like what she guessed but… She had been able to make that guess because she’d grown up in Dicea, surrounded by, yeah, different kinds of people, but prevailing mindsets and ethics. Tim hadn’t. Maki and Kaito hadn’t. 

So maybe what they saw had been different.

As long as he wasn’t hurting himself or others, Haneda wasn’t going to force herself in, but if Tim needed someone in other ways, she was going to stick nearby.

Tim got to his door, grabbed the handle...then sighed. Turning to Haneda and bowing. “I’m okay Miss Kawai...just...I’m happy? But it doesn’t feel good. I don’t know how to… I don’t know. I’m okay...please excuse me,” Timothy muttered, bowing again and heading into his room.

-

In all fairness, Kokichi was feeling a lot better today. His voice was still nasally, betraying the fact that his sinuses were still clogged, but he could at times breathe through his nose now and his nasal phonemes were no longer turned into plosives. His headache and bodyaches had...well, they were better in comparison, and he found he could keep himself awake and aware for longer. 

But Kaito had still given him an incredulous look when he’d tried to get out of bed to get ready for work that morning. Worrywort. 

...he had promised that he’d be healthy enough to easily go to Shuuichi’s doctor’s appointment, though, so...rest and recovery for another day. 

Ikuo had just been by, somewhere around the eighth time that day, making sure he had a full glass of water nearby, getting honey tea and medicine from the medical wing for Kokichi to take and just...being there to talk. Being the solid foundation he had always been, a home to return to amid all Kokichi’s fears and worries. 

The older man had turned pink, flattered beyond words when Kokichi had asked for his bunny, touched that his son had kept the gift in such prime condition even after all these years. Made a joke about Kokichi fitting the image of the bunny costume more than he did these days, and Kokichi silently hoped that his husband and daddy never conspired to buy him all sorts of cutesy pajamas. No matter how warm and soft they were. 

Ikuo had let him be, though, giving Kokichi a little privacy, but he wasn’t quite ready for another nap. Instead, Kokichi rubbed the stuffed rabbit’s ears and watched the window, seeing just the tops of far away buildings and wind blowing hearth smoke away. Just observing the world outside from his bed. A regular hobby for him, really.

Tim, because he was a polite boy, knocked on the door...but, because he was also kind of an asshole, opened the door after a mere moment anyway. He walked in, giving a quick glance around the bedroom and, not announcing himself in any way, he closed the door behind him, walked to the desk, grabbed the chair, and silently took it to the side of Kokichi’s bed.

He put the chair by the bed, bowed low to Kokichi, and then sat down on the chair. 

“I need to ask you a question, Prince Kokichi.”

“Come i--oh, Tim! Hello.”

Kokichi watched in slight amusement as Tim made himself at him but...Kaito wasn’t here. Tim didn’t really...ever talk to him on his own. Kokichi was just a casualty of talking to Kaito some of the time. That Tim needed something from him? It was equally flattering and confusing. 

Kokichi propped himself up a little more, scooting some of his pillows back. 

“I’ll do my best to answer. What is it?”

Timothy sighed, collecting his thoughts. He had spent the last two hours hiding in his room, thinking about what had happened earlier. He liked to think he was a logical sort of person. And, indeed, usually he was told that he was very mature for his age...right up until he said something aloud that made the adults in his life raise an eyebrow at him in a ‘wait, you think what?’ kind of manner. Those moments embarrassed Tim, but he tried not to show it. But, besides those moments, he thought he had a pretty good handle on things, usually.

...okay, Kaito had two scars on his back that suggested this wasn’t the case, but whatever.

So, he had been thinking long and hard about the situation with the guardsman, and who the guardsman seemed to be, and Timothy’s own feelings on the subject, and what his parents maybe wanted, and what Dicea maybe wanted...and…

Mom said if you weren’t certain how to do something, the most practical answer was to ask someone who was doing or had already done it. Tim had watched her practice that thought process several times now. So, with that in mind, he asked the prince, “You’ve lived with a lot of people who’ve tried to kill you, right? How did they make you feel better about it?”

Kokichi blinked in surprise almost...did Kaito ask Timothy to ask about this? But...Kaito didn’t really seem to care what sort of amends the people in his life had made, or how much time had passed for them to heal--he was mad at them like it had happened the day before. 

...but even if Kaito had asked, Kokichi owed Tim the best answer he could. 

Sitting back, Kokichi thought for a moment, idly petting his rabbit. “...well, not wanting to kill me was a big help. I still had to deal with feeling like I was in danger just from my own feelings--never being in actual danger made it safer for me to process things.”

“To be honest...for pretty much everyone, we just did our bests to avoid each other for a while. I’d forgiven them, and they’d started to atone but...it still just hurt too much.” Kokichi sighed, twirling a longer strand of his hair. “When it started to hurt less...people tended to ask me if there was anything they could do. For me personally, and not just trying to live better lives. And...a lot of the time, we just got some sweets and...talked. I asked about their lives, who they were as a person...tried to get to know them more than just a scary figure in my nightmares. Like...instead of someone who had climbed through my window in the middle of the night, I could look at Katsuki-chan as someone who didn’t really know what a serving size of ice cream was and so brought me a sundae bigger than my head.”

Kokichi laughed softly at the memory. It had totally been worth the scolding from Ikuo afterwards. 

“I’m sorry I don’t have anything concrete for you,” Kokichi apologized as he calmed. “For me, I just found it hard after a while to be scared of people I had gotten to know. And...that ‘while’ takes years of trust being earned. During all that time, anyone who attacked me did their bests to never be left with me alone, and never came within arm’s reach by their own doing. Trying not to move suddenly or raise their voices...it’s a little insulting to me, I guess, but it’s like trying to coax a stray kitten out from under a dumpster. They knew how much they could hurt me, so they were careful to the point of absurdity.”

Looking out over his blankets, Kokichi turned back to Tim after a moment. “Does that help you any?”

Timothy frowned. He wished he was taking notes. That sounded like a lot. 

“So I need to...treat the guardsman like a stray kitten under a dumpster…?” Timothy said, brow furrowing as he tried to figure out practically what that meant. “Okay. Give him time. Don’t be alone with him. Don’t shout at him or around him…” Tim sighed. Looking annoyed with himself as he said, “Do you think it’s okay to want him dead a little bit if I just don’t tell anyone? Or can you like...sense that sort of thing on someone? I don’t know, I had a squadmate who was convinced some people could feel your thoughts, so you had to have pure thoughts too...we used to accuse him of masturbating the night before on random mornings because it’d make him freak out and cry, thinking we could ‘sense it’ on him…”

Tim frowned, shaking his head, “Sorry, I’m listening. It was easier with Prince Kaito. He really didn’t seem to care. But the guardsman looked so freaked out…”

That...was...not what Kokichi had been expecting. He blinked at Tim in bewilderment for a moment...before putting a few things together. Tim had probably run into someone he’d seen on the battlefield and...they freaked out? And he felt bad enough about it to want to try and make amends for such a difficult subject. 

But...his personal feelings, and that fact that it had been a war. 

Kokichi thought a little longer, lacing his hands in his lap before speaking. “You can’t help your feelings--it really only matters what you do with them, how you act on them, at least when it comes to other people. Your feelings can hurt you pretty badly no matter what you choose to do with them, but that’s more of a therapist’s expertise than mine.”

Giving Tim a curious look, Kokichi hummed. “Thinking how your squadmate does is more likely to just drive you crazy, though they do have a little bit of a point. People can’t read your mind, but they can get a sense of what you’re feeling. It’s normal to think about...I hesitate to even call it ‘bad stuff’. Thinking about selfish things, or things that would hurt others...hatred and envy and guilt and all those things. It’s normal, and everyone does it. What makes a difference is if you act on those feelings, let them take priority over someone else’s safety or well-being. You can have those kinds of feelings all the time, but if you have a reputation of not letting them control your actions? Then even if people get those vibes from you, they won’t be wary of you. Because you’ve made a choice to be kinder than base instinct.”

“...sorry, I go on tangents a lot.” Kokichi shook his head, giving Tim an apologetic look. “But...if the guard you’re talking about? Was someone you faced in the war? Then...I think you already have something of an understanding. As much as I hate it...refusing to fight on a battlefield means you’re just letting yourself die, right? No one there had a choice but to fight.”

“But now you all have a choice. The war’s over. It’ll take a long time to heal, but...no one’s forced to fight for their life anymore. You can’t fault someone for being scared just like you can’t stop angry, selfish thoughts in your head, but you all have the choice to live peacefully. Maybe that means avoiding each other, maybe that means learning more about each other as people, maybe it’s some in between like...just never talking about the war and trying to be strangers. Every person and every relationship is different.”

“But you don’t have to figure it out alone, Tim,” Kokichi smiled. “You have your mom and dad and uncles and Haneda-chan to help out. And a future little brother or sister, but I doubt they’ll have much to say about it for a long time,” he tittered quietly.

Timothy nodded at that. Right. A little brother or sister… he had to get this figured out so that in the future, when they were tasked with murdering someone, Tim would have some good advice to give. Especially if they failed to kill the person? Ugh...god, it was so humiliating…

But, that wasn’t the guardsman’s fault. Tim just wasn’t a very good killer yet. So far he was only ⅓ successful, and his mom would argue he wasn’t even responsible for the lady at boot camp. And the guardsman wasn’t his enemy anymore. Now he was just some...guy. And Tim didn’t want to, like….ruin his day every time the guy saw him from now on.

It sorta sounded like he just needed to be a little distant with the guy and nice to him when the guardsman was ready for it. And he needed to be ready to buy him sweets at some point, he guessed. Alright then. That wasn’t too tricky.

Timothy nodded. “Okay. I can do all that. Thanks for the advice Prince Kokichi. I would ask my parents, but...I don’t think Mom’s ever had to live with someone she tried to kill before, and Dad’s kinda…” Tim shrugged. He wasn’t sure why, but he had a feeling his dad wasn’t handling it as well as Tim himself was. “I figured, if anyone knew how to be nice to someone they tried to kill, you would know.”

“I’m glad I was able to give you some help.” Kokichi gave Tim a smile though it dimmed when Tim brought Kaito up. Kaito was trying, and that meant a whole lot for his own actions but...he was clearly struggling. Kokichi was hoping that his personal therapy and their couple’s counselling would help. And maybe someday Kaito would be able to give Tim advice on this from a perspective Kokichi didn’t know about. 

Nodding a little tiredly, Kokichi sent Tim a small teasing look. “It does seem to happen a lot to me, doesn’t it. But maybe I’m just getting better at it--I’m living pretty happily with you, Kai-chan, and Shuu-chan, after all.”

“...are you okay, though? I know expectations in Luminary are different, but I can’t imagine it feels very good to see someone you had once tried to kill. And...if it was war, there’s a chance they tried to kill you too. If you need space or catharsis for you, that makes a lot of sense.”

“Hmmm...yeah. He’s the one that got me across the face. Thought he had gotten my eye, when it first happened. Couldn’t see, and was convinced he must have cut through my eye...and I was scared, at first. When I first saw him. But…” Tim went quiet, thinking. Not sure he really understood his own feelings, and not sure how to express them to others.

“...it’s kinda like how it was with Prince Kaito? I was scared of him at first too. I thought he would kill me for stabbing him. Put me to death, or kill me when I bowed to him, or wait and take me by surprise...but…”

Tim pouted, repeating a word he heard his mother use often in the few months he had been with her now. “He’s just so pathetic. And stupid. It makes me feel annoyed that I was ever scared in the first place. And the guardsman seemed the same way. Just so...like, being afraid of him was a waste of my time. Why be afraid of someone that pathetic? It’s insulting. My CO would have wiped his ass on the guy and gotten him to thank him for it. Ugh.”

Kokichi’s eyes widened in worry, getting a clearer picture of just who Tim had run into. Not just some random soldier that happened to work at the castle but someone who had had such an intense encounter…

But...Tim explained it so casually. The simplicity of a child, he supposed. 

Unable to hold down a small giggle, Kokichi shook his head a little. “If I didn’t know you guys, I’d be surprised Maki-chan hadn’t been raising you the whole time. You two are two peas in a pod.”

“If you ever do feel scared of him, not just for the person you see, but for the memory of what happened? That’s okay. You don’t have to be okay with it, though it makes me happy to hear that you’re mostly okay. Just never feel like you can’t ask for help even when you don’t need it a lot of the time, okay?”

Brushing a hand through his bangs, Kokichi hummed again. “That is kind of what I was talking about, though. It’s hard to be afraid of someone who genuinely doesn’t mean you any harm. Personally, I don’t find it very pathetic for someone to not be interested in violence--maybe it’s narcissistic, since that’s how I am, but it’s a quality of a lot of my people that I’m very proud of. Most things can be solved without needing to get into a fight.”

Shrugging, Kokichi looked back over to Tim in slight worry, remembering quite a few people who thought everything could be solved with a fight. “Do Maki-chan and Kai-chan know about the guard?”

Timothy nodded. “Miss Kawai told them about it. I think they’re sparring right now, but before they started they wanted to tell me that…” Timothy hesitated, not entirely certain how to explain what they said. “...it was okay to fail at killing someone? Or, like, that I’d feel better not having killed someone? I don’t know, they were both pretty uncomfortable. I think sometimes they try to tell me about things they don’t get themselves. It’s kinda obvious when they do it. It usually doesn’t make any sense.”

Kokichi let out a sigh of relief. If Maki and Kaito knew and they hadn’t gone after the guard already, then things were probably okay. He could gauge how Kaito was feeling later. 

Probably complicated. Simple feelings that weren’t, like, affection, were always complicated for them. And while Kokichi didn’t think he’d ever really understand Luminous morality when it came to death, it was obvious that Maki and Kaito’s relationship with it wasn’t cut and dry.

Giving his nephew a sheepish smile, Kokichi rubbed his wrist. “Well...I, for one, am pretty glad you didn’t kill anyone. I wish none of you had ever had to kill anyone...but no one can change the past. We can just hope for a brighter, non-murder-y future.”

“Maybe your parents will have a better answer for you when they work it out for themselves, but for now, it’s kind of you to listen to them.”

Tim shrugged, but he was pleased at the idea of being kind. That was a compliment he hadn’t gotten very often in his life. Huh. “Well, Dad’s kinda dumb and Mom’s…”

His shoulders slumped a little. “...I know neither of them really wanted me. That I’m just this...thing in their lives now. Miss Kawai gets real mad at them, but...it’s not their fault. I just need to take care of myself. I don’t need to be babied or whatever.”

“I disagree, sorta.” Kokichi hummed, shaking his head. “Everyone needs someone to take for them. Usually multiple someones, but one person still means a lot. That’s not being babied--that’s just being a person.”

He sent Tim an apologetic look. “...your mom and dad might not have expected to have you. What happened was...beyond anyone’s ability to predict, I think. But they decided to care for you, because they care about you--Maki-chan and I talked about that specifically, actually.”

...maybe Maki wouldn’t appreciate him telling Tim this, but...maybe it was something that Tim needed to know. 

Sitting himself up a little more, he gave the boy a gentle smile, amusement in his eyes. “I know this sounds like a huge lie, but your mom was really scared. She has a lot of love in her, but when it comes to expressing it in...like, more domestic ways? When you’re going about life as usual, and there’s no big enemy to fight against...she doesn’t really know what to do with that. Maki-chan was terrified that she was going to let you down, not be the kind of person you needed...that she wasn’t able to be a mom.”

“So...I asked her who she thought would be better for you,” Kokichi snorted. “And your mom got pissed. More than her fears and worries of not being good enough, just the mention of abandoning you sent her into a rage. You’re her kid, Tim, and she does love you a lot. That doesn’t make her a perfect parent, but it means that she’s going to keep learning and trying to be a better parent everyday.” 

“You don’t have to be thankful just for that, or even have to give them a chance. But no matter what, you have a lot of people that care about you. We’ve messed up a lot and...really, you deserve to be angry about it. I’m still angry at my father for his mistakes. But I know that if I’m scared or in danger, or just want someone nearby, that there are people who will do their best, and that applies to you too.”

Kokichi brought back that gentle smile, though there was a solid determination in his eyes this time. “We didn’t expect you, but we want you now, Tim. You’re my nephew, your mom and dad’s son. And for all of our flaws, we’ll always keep trying to be better for you. Because you’re important to us. Seeing you be so independent is something we can be proud of, but never forget that there are people here for you if you want it.”

...There was a moment, where Timothy was actually a little shocked to feel the back of his eyes redden... 

...it was nice to hear he was wanted...like the compliment of being kind. It was just...not something anyone said to him...he knew from their actions that his mom, at least, wanted him (Kaito was still up in the air, in Tim’s mind), and he knew that should be enough, but…

...just hearing the words for once was a more relieving feeling than Tim would have suspected a second ago. And he laughed a little. Chuckled, really. The chuckle sounded a little like Kaito. Weirdly embarrassed and sheepish, for just a moment...before settling back into that exasperated stoicism as he said, “That’s good to know. Thank you, Prince Kokichi.”

“I’ll be glad to remind you any time you want. But, ah…” Kokichi looked down for a moment, twiddling his fingers. He’d already told Tim he could do what he wanted and the boy had chosen to keep calling him ‘prince’, but...maybe it was worth saying again. 

“Of course, you can kinda call me whatever you want, but I mean… You can just call me ‘Kokichi’, if you want. I don’t really have anything to bribe you with for the ‘uncle’ title,” he joked gently, feeling embarrassed to even mention it if Tim hadn’t chosen to think of him that way.

Tim raised an eyebrow at the prince. “Don’t you have an entire drawer full of candy that Dad’s constantly refilling?”

Kokichi blinked before giving Tim a nervous smile. He didn’t want the boy to feel like he had to call him by such a familial name just because he gave him candy...but on the other hand, he, like, wasn’t gonna deny Tim candy, especially after such a weird day, it sounded like. 

“That’s enough of a bribe? It’s the main drawer right below the writing surface of the desk--yeah, that one. Take whatever you want, but could you toss me something too?”

“Sure, Uncle Kokichi.” Tim shrugged, heading to the drawer. Like he had told Maki, Uncle, Mom, Dad...he was deciding to look at it just like the honorifics and ranks and rate names he had been raised to honor. Basically, if they wanted him to call them something specific? He didn’t have any strong feelings either way about it, and was fine with calling them whatever.

He didn’t know if Prince Kokichi wanted to be called Uncle, really, but...he could tell that his mom seemed to take some comfort in the idea of him being surrounded by ‘Uncles’. If it made her happy? He was fine with it then.

Looking through the drawer, Tim found an adequate lollipop, before taking another one and bringing a licorice to Kokichi as well, tossing them to him before bowing, lollipop already being sucked as he said, “Thank you again for the advice and...for the discussion of my mom. Um…” Tim sighed, pouting a little as he said, “I know I’m not your assassin anymore, and that I’m not super good at murder, apprently, but if you ever need someone to fight for you, I am sworn to you.”

“Now, I really gotta go do homework. I’m supposed to read a chapter in an assigned reading book? Something about a kid tricking another kid to paint a fence? I don’t know, it’s really boring.” Tim sighed, heading out to be a nine-year-old despite the universe's best efforts to make him anything else.

-

For once, it really seemed like they all were getting a break. After Tim’s run-in with IQ, things were pretty...normal. Kokichi focused on getting better, and by the time Maki’s safer time limit was up and their rescheduled obstetrician’s appointment came up, he was back in action, void of sniffles and fever. Still, to be safe, especially since they were visiting a doctor’s office, he brought along his mask. His cold wasn’t contagious either, but it made him feel better to be taking precautions. 

The OB Seiko had given Shuuichi a referral for had an office almost on the other side of town, which made sense, as Kokichi explained to his friends, because unlike Seiko’s pharmacy which still was a place of business and thus was in a shopping district, Dr. Tenchi’s office was purely for medical examination. 

It wasn’t located in the Central Usot General Hospital, but it was still in what some people called the medical bay, the area of the business district that was filled with various medical professionals and, maybe just thankfully for the joke, was nearby to one of the larger ponds in the city. 

Kokichi pointed over to where you could barely see the edge of the pond through urban trees as he explained this, looking up at Kaito and Shuuichi and Maki with a sparkle of excited hope in his eyes. “It’s one of the better places for ice skating, though no one’s allowed on until it completely freezes over. It might be right by the hospital, but it’s better for no one to fall in in the first place.”

“Once it’s safe, our local hockey team usually holds a showmatch,” he continued, looking more up at Maki now, “as sort of an opening for skating season, but also to prep the ice so it’s easier for amateurs to skate on. If you’re interested, we should totally come see it this year!”

Maki looked over at the distance that Kokichi pointed out, looking at the lake for a moment...before her eyes narrowed, ever so slightly.

“What’s our team called?”

“Ah geez.” Kaito murmured.

“Oh boy.” Shuichi sighed.

“The Snow Leopards,” Kokichi answered, glancing over at Kaito and Shuuichi curiously, not quite sure what to make of their reactions. “Since it’s sometimes too dangerous to travel, half the teams in the league should already be making their way here to stay for a while. Then, whenever it is safe to travel, they’ll take a quarter and head to one of the other big cities that have arenas, and a quarter from there will travel, and they make it a rotation. It sucks that they can’t play everywhere, but sometimes the snow gets so bad people can barely walk around in town, let alone navigate the roads safely.”

Miu had been focusing on getting the telephone to work, but he’d read some of her other project proposals, one of which was supposed to help travel in general, but especially during the winter. A sort of track that was laid down beside all the major roads that you could hook carriages up to and just...send them off, not having to worry about getting lost in the snowdrifts. 

It still seemed like an idea in its infancy to him, but it was something worth keeping in the back of his mind. 

Looking back down at the address they’d gotten, Kokichi veered to the side, leading the group towards the office. Keeping the conversation going, he asked, “Have you been to hockey games before, Maki-chan?”

“No. But I do enjoy sports, so I’m sure I’ll enjoy seeing a game...but…”

A heat started radiating off of Maki, just as hot as any one of her murder-rages, her fists clenched as she said, entirely serious, “They better be good. If they’re representing me and my city? They better be ready to fight their hearts out...I’ll need to find out the names of all the players. Keep an eye on who’s pulling their weight. I wonder if they do fan-meet and greets? I want to talk to these people-”

Maki, Kokichi was going to find out, was one of those fans who maybe...felt a tad too ‘involved’ in the game, for no discernable reason. Kaito and Shuichi both resigned themselves to an immediate and indefinite future of hearing about how ‘her’ team was doing, and long, long, looooong rants about what they should be doing, and how the last game went, and those motherfuckers on the other teams!

Ah well. At least she would have fun.

“I’m really looking forward to skating! I mean, I’ve only ever been able to do it once, and I didn’t quite manage to…’skate’, per se?” Kaito admitted.

“He fell a lot.” Shuichi added.

“You both fell a lot.” Maki pointed out. She herself having more or less barely kept herself upright, but at least not falling.

The heat surprised Kokichi for a moment before-

“...nihii...hihi…” While in no way “dainty” or “sweet”, still laughing in his usual braying way, little giggles fell from Kokichi’s lips, his shoulders bouncing in the first laughing fit it felt like in a while. They’d said Maki had strong feelings about sports, and while this was only the cusp of it, Kokichi got a good idea of exactly what his lovers had meant. 

And...maybe it was strange, but Kokichi thought it was sweet. And something of...a small relief, seeing Maki so passionate about something that was purely for her. He’d do his best to get schedules for her so she could make it to as many games as she wanted. 

Shaking his head out of the little fit, Kokichi sped up a little, catching sight of the office. “People are used to beginners trying it out--it’ll be safe to fall a lot. There are even people who sell pads next to the pond so you can get some then and there if you don’t think about it beforehand. I’ve only been a few times, but I’ll help as much as I can!”

Darting forward a few steps, Kokichi opened the office door for his friends, already relieved by the flood of comfortable warmth wafting out the door. He was more prepared this time, but it was still chilly.

“Thank you babe.”

“Thanks Kokichi.”

Maki just nodded her head at him, the three of them all notably looking a little relieved in the head of the building as the door closed behind them. Shuichi in turn looked around somewhat apprehensively. There was a lot of posters on the wall, little informative things, pictures of mothers and their babies...nnnnnnghhhh…

Kaito looked over his shoulder, noting Shuichi look immediately more reserved, and went to put his arms around him, kissing him on his cheeks and holding him close and saying cheerfully, “This is a good thing, handsome! It’s okay. We’re gonna meet your doctor and get some questions answered. Do you have your list?”

“In my journal…”

“Good! We’re gonna ask all the questions on your list. It’s gonna be fine. Everything’s fine. Right guys?” Kaito said, looking to Maki and Kokichi.

Maki was distracted by the receptionist. It was the same guy she had had to talk to three days ago to get the new appointments setup. He was glaring at her. She hoped he wouldn’t tell on her. She knew she was supposed to stop threatening people. It had just sorta...come out of her, when she was haggling for new appointments.

Kokichi skipped up to the desk once his friends made it inside, rubbing his gloved hands together. He noticed that the receptionist didn’t...exactly seem pleased, but Kokichi still gave him a bright, sunny smile, hoping to smooth things over. “Hello! Nippy day out there, huh. We’re here for Shuuichi Saihara’s 1:00 appointment with Dr. Tenchi? The rest of us are family--I was told we’d be able to sit in on the appointment? Is that still alright?”

Thotty was doing his best to glare down a woman who he knew to be Maki Harukawa, but knew little else about, because she had come in a few days ago all spitfire and pissed off and demanding timeslots that he already had open you crazy bitch...but, he was also an exceptional receptionist, when he felt like it, and also, this was Prince Kokichi??? Which was super cool. Definitely something to talk about at dinner tonight with his own partners.

So, glaring a little bit more at Maki, who just stared stonily back at him, Thotty then smiled wide and said, “Of course, Prince Kokichi! And can I just say??? We are all s~ooooo excited for you! Like, for real, all the congratulations! Which one is the lucky…” the receptionist remembered that due to extremely unusual, non-transitory reasons, the ‘mama’ was a ‘papa’ this time, and he dismissed Maki as he looked between the other two men. “Daddy?”

Kaito proudly pointed to Shuichi, who just quietly raised his hand. “Present.” He muttered.

“Thank you!” Kokichi cheerfully returned, looking back to indicate Shuuichi as the others did the same. “We are all very blessed for our family to grow. Is there any information you need for records, or are we all set to wait until Dr. Tenchi is ready for us?”

At that moment, a woman with shoulder-length bubblegum pink hair came out from farther back in the office, her hands casually resting in the pockets of her lab coat. “Hey, Thot, are--aaahaaha, awesome.”

Giving the group an oddly both bright and sharp smile, the woman crossed a hand over her front and gave a shallow bow. “You’re here, right on time. What a punctual group we have. I’m Dr. Elodie Tenchi--would you all come with me to the back? Unless some ‘a y’all were just doing a drop-off.”

“No, Doc, they’re all trying to sit in. That still all good or????” Thotty huffed, spinning the pen in his hand as he said, ‘Cause I already told them it was, sooooo….”

Kaito was the one who stepped forward first, bowing back excitedly as he asid, “Doctor Tenchi! It’s so good to finally meet you! We’re so sorry we had to cancel on you a few days ago, it was entirely my fault. My name is Kaito Momota! Uh, this is Shuichi Saihara, your wonderful and fantastic patient!”

“Um...hi…”

“Maki Harukawa! His….” Kaito hesitated.

“Sister.” Shuichi and Maki said at the same time. It just made things easier, paperwork wise. They were talking quietly about making it legal somehow. Not sure how to go about it.

“And of course Prince Kokichi Ouma!” Kaito introduced, “The proud father to be!”

Kokichi huffed a small laugh. “You say that as if you and Shuu-chan aren’t also proud fathers-to-be.” Focusing in on the doctor, he gave her a friendly nod. “Again, sorry about having to reschedule.”

“Psssshaw,” Elodie waved off. “Things come up--this wasn’t an emergency meeting, so no harm no foul. It’s great to meet you all--Dr. Kimura has transferred over your medical files, Mr. Saihara, so I’m not flying blind here, but I hope we all can get better acquainted. C’mon back!”

Leading the way, Kokichi made sure to give the receptionist a wave before scuttling up quickly, giving Shuuichi’s arm a squeeze before falling in line. And where the doctor took them too was clearly more of a meeting room than an examination room, considering there weren’t any big machines or beds, and instead there were an arrangement of simple but comfortable-looking chairs with a raised coffee table placed in the middle. 

Each of them taking a seat as Dr. Tenchi ushered them, she took her own and gave Shuuichi a softer smile than the varieties she’d shown so far. “Let’s address the elephant first, yeah? I’ve never had a patient with a pregnancy like yours, Mr. Saihara. However, I vow to give you the best advice and treatment I have the capability for. We’ll figure this out and make sure both you and your child are healthy and safe--makes me sound a bit over-confident, promising something like that, but that’s how determined I am.”

Her smile became a little more forceful, muddy green eyes clearing to show a spark. “Your health and wishes are my top priority, ain’t no alternative conception method gonna deter me at all!”

“Ah, but I’m guessing you have some questions for me?” Almost like a switch she relaxed, the drive still present within her, but dormant for more pleasant conversation.

“U-um, yes, yes, uh….” Shuichi looked blank for a moment, more than a little nervous and suddenly forgetting all of his questions...before Maki quietly reached over and tapped at his journal in his jacket pocket. “Ah! Okay! Um,” he took out his journal, looking for the right page, before reading aloud the first question without thinking about it, “Am I a plant?...wait, no, that’s not right. I don’t think you can answer that, uh...h-how many babies am I having?”

“Like you said, the...way he conceived and such? It’s all a little unusual and Shuichi here is worried that maybe having multiple partners under these strange circumstances might have automatically led to multiple babies. Seiko, uh, Dr. Kimura? She had a different theory to the consequences of that...which I was wondering about? Um, is it too early to determine genetically who...might be the other father, at this point?” Kaito asked, grinning nervously. 

Ah, a hard one right out of the gate. Well...Flora were fungal life-forms, so, no, no matter what, Mr. Saihara wasn’t a plant, but...Seedlings were a different subject. As far as Elodie knew, they were a type of hybrid between Flora and human, not quite a fungal life-form, but not entirely mammalian anymore. However...what Dr. Kimura was trying to do was to get rid of the fungal parasite altogether, allowing a human to be completely mammalian again. She’d never heard of someone ever succeeding with that before. So, even now, the makeup of Mr. Saihara’s body was something of a mystery. 

At least she wouldn’t be lying to him about that--she was going to treat him with the tools of her full knowledge, but she didn’t need any pissy Flora coming after her too. It was already enough that Dr. Kimura was referring all the pregnant Seedlings to her at all. 

Nodding, taking in the men’s thoughts and the nervous glances Prince Kokichi gave them at that last part, Elodie thought for a moment. “Going in order, we could perform a rudimentary DNA test to, like, just see what your makeup is, Mr. Saihara. It might be nuanced enough to see if...you’re a plant.”

“And as for determining how many embryos you have, that’s an easy one--Dr. Kimura reported that you could hear the heartbeat even a few weeks ago. Normally, just being able to find one heartbeat would be enough evidence to point to you only having one child, but people make mistakes. If you are comfortable, after we talk through your questions, I can do an external examination of your womb and give you a more solid answer.”

Writing it down regardless, just to avoid forgetting later, Elodie hummed excitedly. “On that point, Seiko mentioned that, despite being...well, about six and a half weeks now, but, anyway, that you’d already started showing? While I’m lookin’ to tell you how many kids you’re having, I’ll be able to tell you more about the development of your embryo--I’m sure you’ve looked at pregnancy books and their roadmaps, but that’s not something we can take for granted.”

“Aaaand because of that,” she sang, though not without something of an apologetic look to her patient and his family, “Normally? We would be able to start performing genetic tests once you’re ten weeks. However...we really don’t have a way to guess if the embryo is developed enough to take samples from the amniotic fluid, or even if the samples we’d get would be able to tell us anything of substance. So, there’s no fussing--just gotta try!”

“Though, in my opinion, it’d probably be safe to wait until you’re ten weeks and see what happens from there, we could still give it a shot today if that’s what you want.”

“If it’s not safe, he’s not doing it then.” Maki decided, before anyone else had a chance to say anything, crossing her arms. 

“I mean...i-it’s kinda important Mak-”

“He’s not. Doing it.”

“...yeah, maybe it’s okay if we wait to find that out.” Shuichi muttered, rubbing his arm a little. He understood why Kaito wanted to know. It’d be such a relief to find out it was just Kokichi’s...but, “I don’t want to put the thing in danger. It can wait.”

“Okay. Right. Okay.” Kaito agreed, not willing to argue with Shuichi on this, reaching over to put a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it a bit, before looking over at the doctor, “...um, Shuichi? Did you want to ask about this one?” Kaito asked, pointing to a question lower in the journal.

Shuichi looked and….his face reddened… “Um...how is the...baby meant to come out of me?” He asked quietly. Freaked out by the question.

Kokichi knew that, especially, a doctor recommended by Seiko wouldn’t perform any risky procedure just for curiosity, so...he had a feeling that trying to get a sample was only a risk in that Dr. Tenchi might not be able to perform it at all, but...he was happier to wait. It was different for his friends, what it meant if Shuuichi’s baby was Kaito’s, but...from his own perspective, anyone who wanted to get fussy over Shuuichi’s baby could go fuck themselves. It wasn’t anyone’s business but theirs who the genetic parents were--they were all going to raise the kid, and that was the only thing that mattered. 

...politically, anyway.

Not bothered by the next question at all, Elodie nodded. “Obviously we haven’t had an examination together, so I can’t assume it for sure, but for your comfort and to decrease risks while in labor, I suggest opting for a cesarean section. A lot of people have fears about going into surgery when having a kid, but, like, every way to have a kid is surgical to some degree.”

Quickly sketching something on her notepad, Elodie turned it around, unbothered by the slight jump from the Dicean Prince, startled to see a rough diagram of, well, bowels? “Without an examination but with the information I have, my best guess is that you developed a second path from your colon that leads to your womb,” she explained lightly, showing the split path with her pen. “If so, that’s way longer than a birth canal. Trying to give birth through it--that is, through two sphincters and a passage not meant for stretching, normally, anyway--would have multiple points of risk for rupture, would likely be exceptionally painful for you, and would be risky trying to time passing your baby quickly enough to make sure it doesn’t suffocate, not to mention the risks of your body’s pressure on an infant.”

“I don’t mean to frighten you, but that’s why I’m suggesting a c-section,” Elodie smiled kindly, now noticing how Kokichi’s face had gone pale, but that was medicine for you. “That procedure involved making an incision in your lower abdomen, and another in the lining of your uterus. There are minor risks of infection, as with any internal surgery, but the risks to both you and your child are way lower with this option than trying to pass your child through your body.”

Shuichi, like Kokichi, started to pale at the description of the complications if he had, Atua forbid, been left to struggle to give birth to this kid on his own. “...Kaito…”

Kaito, who ALSO hadn’t been feeling that good about any of that, swallowed his nausea and shook his head, leaning over to his boyfriend and putting an arm around him, kissing the side of his head reassuringly as he said, “It’s fine, you’re fine. C-sections are totally normal, Shuichi, and we’re going to do everything to take care of you. Everything’s just fine, handsome.”

Shuichi nodded, looking not entirely convinced, but at least taking some comfort in Kaito’s tone of voice and presence, if nothing else. 

“So he’ll get a c-section. Good. Next question. I know you still have to examine him to make certain he’s not having more than one child, but Shuichi had a moment of fear that he explained to me where he was concerned he could still get pregnant with more children after the fact. As in, if he went home and had sex today, he could add another baby to the mix tomorrow.” Maki said simply, trying to be clear about Shuichi’s fear, who just reddened more, embarrassed, “We know that’s far-fetched, but we wanted to hear your opinion anyway. Also, I have a question myself...Dr. Kimura has been working hard to deplete the spore count in Shuichi’s body, but so far is only successful in lowering it. Does the spores, either...having them or, considering the situation, not having them...is there any way to tell if either scenario causes any harm to the baby? And if not, does introducing foriegn spores potentially cause harm?” She asked, looking meaningfully over at Kaito, who frowned.

Elodie took a moment to think but in the back of her mind...shit dude!! Flora really were so selfish, always thinking that they could scoop up any Seedling around, despite, you know, deliberately sending people with the gene for it away to get more chances for Flora elsewhere. Or maybe they just didn’t care about any Seedling who wasn’t in the kingdom, finding the fear and confusion of anyone not right in front of them to be inconsequential.

Gaaah, she knew she wasn’t being fair, but she could really use some of their studies right about now! Or better yet, a doctor just willing to treat Seedlings outside of Danganronpa. 

But these people were relying on her, so Elodie would do her best to answer. 

“Well...from Dr. Kimura’s studies, how Mr. Saihara,” she gave a nod to the worried man, wanting to be more careful to not talk about him like he wasn’t there, “was able to get pregnant because of a state not unlike estrus. With all other mammals who have that type of reproduction...it would be like trying to get pregnant while you’re on your period. Not gonna happen, too late.”

And while she’d heard that Seedlings tended to calm their lust after seeding, she’d never heard of one that started a second pregnancy while the first was still on-going. 

“Since you had that window of fertility at all, I’d say we’re on the better odds of you not being able to have a concurrent pregnancy. And, if Dr. Kimura’s theories are right and the long-term function of despair poppy spores is to invoke a certain type of reproduction, then there would be no need for it to allow for concurrent gestation--it would be too much stress on the carrying parent’s body to support more than one set of embryos.”

...that made enough sense. She didn’t know the exact science behind it, but it was reasonable enough to soothe these people’s concerns without just having to say, ‘I dunno, kids, but I’ve never seen it happen even with the Flora’s greed for children that half the time they don’t even want to raise.’

Phooey. 

As for the next question… “Ah, that’s a good one…”

Elodie tapped her pen into her notepad as she thought, knowing that this wasn’t the most confidence-inspiring thing, but without the information from centuries’ worth of data from Danganronpa, guesses were all they had.

“...I think I’ll only be able to answer that once we have our first examination,” she sighed after a tense few moments of deliberation. “As much as I can figure, if your child depended on the presence of spores, then it’d require having your blood mix--in other pregnancies, the carrying parent and the baby have separate circulation systems. If I can find out if you have the traditional package? Then I don’t think the presence of spores will affect much for your pregnancy one way or another--it’ll just affect your health in how small doses would affect anyone. A low-grade poison, soooo, like, try not to get any extra?”

Elodie let out the ghost of a laugh, adjusting her headband. “If you and your child do share a circulation system...then that’s something we’ll have to get to if we come to it.”

She doubted it. If that were true then Seedlings wouldn’t be able to have as many pregnancies as they were explicitly reported to do.

“You hear that, Kaito? No introducing forieng spores into his system.”

“...you just want me to use all those condoms you bought-”

“I will NEUTER YOU, MOMOTA!”

Shuichi sighed, “I feel like I had more questions, but honestly it sounds like it’s be wise to just do all the tests and exams you need...I guess all I’d ask is any reading material you have on what to expect for pregnancy? A, uh...friend of mine bought me underwear that’s basically a diaper? I’m so ignorant for things like that, and...uh…”

Shuichi dipped his head, feeling embarrassed again as he whispered, “Um...my chest has been...uh...is it going to stop...leaking?” he whispered, face red and miserable.

Giving the two an amused look as Kokichi just sighed quietly, Elodie turned back to Shuuichi and, thankfully, these were questions she could more easily answer. “Sure thing! We have a pamphlet, actually, with a whole lot of works that you could reference--most of the works should be in the castle library, so you barely even have to make a trip.”

Ignorant to the landmine she just stepped on, missing the way Kokichi’s eyes widened as he looked over to Shuuichi quickly, Elodie continued, completely unembarrassed even in the face of Shuuichi’s. “Ahhh, sorry about that. If you’re already leaking, then you’re probably overproducing breastmilk. Gotta need to get a breast pump for that. Since it’s for far ahead of time, I’d suggest dumping it.” Snorting a little, Elodie gave a half-shrug. 

“I mean, you could drink it, it’s just milk, but people get weird about it. Up to you. If you think you don’t want to breastfeed your child, then you can keep doing that until you stop producing--which can take up to three weeks after delivery if you don’t pump or use them to feed your child. If you do breastfeed, then about two weeks before delivery, you might want to store any milk you pump for extra feeding times, and how long you’ll keep producing can vary from person to person. Infants can’t really handle any type of food other than breastmilk or formula for the first six months, and it’s recommended they keep regularly having whatever your chosen method is for a year. You can still choose to keep breastfeeding or giving formula to your baby for however long you choose after that--there’s nothing in them that’s bad for even adults. But after you stop breastfeeding, you’ll likely still leak for two or three weeks, like if you didn’t choose it.”

Now even Kokichi’s face was turning red, feeling Shuuichi’s embarrassment second hand. 

...it...hadn’t tasted like milk when Nao had made him...offered him….uh…

...fucking feak god damn weirdo whore oh god look what you did to yourself it was potentially going to do this for two years?? How did he make it stop was he a bad dad if he refused to breastfeed oh god oh god he hadn’t even been pregnant when it started should he tell them god look at the frea-

Kaito pulled Shuichi closer to himself, and said to the doctor, “That’s great information, thank you! We’ll talk to Shuichi later about what he wants to do, right handsome? But just in case, let’s go ahead and buy a breast pump on the way home. It’s nothing you have to make any decisions about right now though, handsome. You’re fine. You’re perfect.” Kaito promised, kissing his blue-screening boyfriend on the temple again as he said, “Don’t worry, it’s fine. Don’t think about it right now. We’ll talk about this more later.”

“...kay…”

Maki, who was also watching Shuichi’s face, seeing warning signs of a freak out coming up, nodded to herself as she said, “We have plenty more appointments after this. If we have more questions later, we’ll ask them next time. For now, let’s just do the examinations and call it a day. I’ll go talk to the receptionist about setting up the next appointment. How often should we visit, Doctor?”

It was only then did Elodie start to frown, noticing the panic on his patient’s face and how all his family moved to take hold of the situation and comfort him. She’d just thought he was embarrassed, but was breastfeeding more of a touchy issue? Kind of obviously. 

Nodding along with Miss Harukawa, Elodie added, “And even if you don’t have an appointment, feel free to swing by and ask whatever’s on your mind. I might be with another patient, but I can at least get your question and get back to you once I’m free. If it’s a little more urgent, but not enough for an emergency appointment, Dr. Kimura, as you know, is a wonderful resource. Your personal questions will remain confidential, but I am working with her for your care, Mr. Saihara, and we’ll be keeping each other current when it comes to your medical record.”

“If you’re ready for an examination, come right this way!” Getting up from her seat, Elodie swung around to lead the way, thinking over Miss Harukawa’s question. “Let’s be cautious and go with every three weeks for a start. As it gets closer to Mr. Saihara’s due date, I will be requesting more frequent visits, though, and at any time if he starts experiencing dizziness or shortness of breath or random, stabbing pains, bring him in immediately. Really, those are things you should see a doctor about at any part of your life, but it does warrant bringing up!”

Kokichi hesitated in following Dr. Tenchi as quickly as he did before, wanting to linger back and stay with Shuuichi, gently running a hand down his arm. 

Maki nodded, heading to go talk to Thotty again, as Kaito led the way, excitedly telling Dr. Tenchi, “I’ve been listening to the heartbeat pretty regularly myself. Basically whenever Shuichi will let me. I’m not exactly, uh, known for my brains, but I feel like I’d have heard a second heartbeat by now if there was one to hear, if I’m totally honest.”

Shuichi sighed, taking a calming breath as he reached out for Kokichi’s hand, saying quietly as he followed, “Did I embarrass myself? Was it obvious how...upset I was?”

Elodie smiled back at the tall redhead as they walked. “It’s exciting, isn’t it? New life! And if you’ve been listening a bunch, then I doubt there’s anything more to find, buuuut since I’m going to be checking in on the embryo’s development anyway, I’ll be checking. In the ‘if I hear anything weird, don’t write it off as body noises’ kind of way. Bodies make a lot of weird noises.”

Kokichi squeezed Shuuichi’s hand softly, glad that Shuuichi wasn’t suffering through a panic attack. “You’re fine. I kinda get the vibe from this lady that no one’s ever embarrassed themself in front of her, but even with someone else, you’re good.”

“...we’re all concerned, in our own ways. It means we’re taking this seriously, that we care about you, and we all care about your pregnancy, Shuu-chan.” Kokichi kept his voice quiet, though he did nuzzle at his boyfriend’s arm when he was sure Dr. Tenchi and Kaito weren’t looking. “You seemed worried, and that’s normal. Anyone calm in a situation like this is just hiding it. You’re good.”

When they got to the examination room, Elodie got to work laying out new sheets on the raised bed, pushing the stirrups to the side. Not that kind of examination today. “Alright, when you’re ready, please lie down.”

It’s okay, it’s okay, Kokichi and Kaito were here, it was fine, you’re fine Shuichi….

As Shuichi laid down, looking grimly at the stirrups (what the fuck), Kaito kept up a persistent stream of friendly, optimistic dialogue, as he asked “Is it alright if me and Kokichi stay by the beds, or are we in the way? Shuichi, you look comfy, handsome. Here, let’s get that hair out of your face...we need to get you a cut, man, seriously...hey, what’s with that look? Relax, you’re just fine.” Kaito insisted, leaning over to kiss Shuichi on his forehead. 

“Hey, you know what could be a fun conversation? Let’s talk names. Anyone have ay name ideas for baby Shuichi?” Kaito asked, running his hand soothingly across Shuichi’s hairline, as much as he could through his hat. “I’d like a strong, simple name if he’s a boy. Something like...Griffin or...Barrett. Or something, I don’t know.”

“Sure thing, just stay on one side of the bed if you can, okay? I gotta lean in and get all personal.”

Kokichi skittered over to Shuuichi’s side, taking his hand again and following up with Kaito as Dr. Tenchi started gently pushing on Shuuichi’s belly, listening in on various places with her stethoscope. Though, at the topic Kaito brought up, he went pink, thinking of his conversation with Maki. 

“I think Shuu-chan should be the one to name his kid, but...I dunno, if you needed suggestions…” He laughed softly. “Maki-chan had some ideas too, actually. All more feminine names since she’s staring down the universe for that. And...uh...I dunno… Something did come to mind, but I don’t think it’s really your style, honeypie.”

“I haven't really been thinking of names at all, really…” Shuichi admitted, feeling uncomfortable as the doctor touched and pressed against him, but trying his best not to show that discomfort. It wasn’t her fault that he couldn’t just relax for five seconds. “I’m not really that creative…”

“Oh, man, I bet Maki’s name ideas were wild. What was her saints name as a kid...what was it, Saint Savage? Saint Rampage? Carnage! She was Saint Carnage, I’m almost certain. Man, we should not let Maki pick the name. Our kid’s gonna be named, like, Arson or Deathwing or something.” Kaito snorted, before looking fondly down at his husband, “I don’t think Shuichi minds name ideas, babe, and we have so much time before we actually have to name the baby anything. What’s your idea?”

Kokichi nodded with a soft laugh. “They’re creative, for sure. Might get cool points while our kid’s a kid, but I dunno how they’d feel about it as they get older.”

He blushed a little more as Kaito encouraged him, still...just… It was a Dicean name, and he wasn’t sure if Kaito or Shuuichi would...be okay with that. Having that sort of meaning when it wasn’t their history. 

“I was...well, since we were talking about if your kid’s a girl… I thought about ‘Miyako’. It was...um, my mom’s name, so I thought… Means stuff along the lines of, like, lovely and important.” Kokichi shrugged a little, looking away. “...just came to mind.”

Elodie tried not to listen in on the royal family’s conversation but...awww, that was sweet. And she had a feeling that, if they did end up naming the kid that, then most Dicean’s would find it sweet too. Maybe enough to forget any uppity anger they might have at some of the parents’ birthplace. 

“Miyako...lovely and important…” Kaito grinned, still soothingly running his fingers across Shuichi’s hairline as he said, “Well, of course our babies gonna be lovely and important. A name should reflect that…”

Shuichi sighed, just closing his eyes, trying to focus on their conversation and Kaito’s fingers as his shirt went a little further up again, “It’s, uh...i-it’s pretty common p-practice to name a child after one of their grandparents...I-I don’t think I’d be okay n-naming it Sayaka-”

“Yeah. I know.” Kaito murmured a tad sadly. “I wouldn’t ask you too, handsome.”

“-a-an I don’t know the name of my own mother, so...Miyako’s kinda our best option if we want to go that route...a-and it’s pretty…”

“Yeah, it’s pretty...but the odds of it being a girl are low, right? I still think Barrett sounds cool. Sort of tough and heroic! Or, oh, oh, Kaito Jr.??”

“No, veto, n-not happening.”

Kokichi let out a small breath, looking back at Shuuichi though he hadn’t let go of his hand for a second, not about to let his own nerves keep him from comforting his boyfriend. He was just...glad that he hadn’t...offended his lovers or anything. Tried to wrestle, like, ownership of their kid. Shuuichi’s baby would be a natural Dicean citizen, but they were going to be all their kid equally.

...and he was happy that they thought the name was pretty. He’d always thought so.

Laughing softly, Kokichi managed to brighten himself up enough to give Shuuichi a teasing look. “No? What about Shuuichi Jr.?”

“You are trying to ensure my kid grows up a giant loser. I’m not sabotaging this kid before it’s even had its first breath by agreeing to call him ‘Junior’.” Shuichi muttered.

“Kokichi Jr.?”

“Nooooooo.”

Straightening, Elodie gently pulled Shuuichi’s shirt back down, giving the trio a light laugh. “Hey now, I have a cousin Junior; it’s not as bad a suffix as you think.” Especially since you could get a ‘the sixth’ somewhere down the line, and that was cool as hell. A shame the practice of naming you family the same thing for generations fell out of style. 

“But! Sorry to interrupt, but you were right on the money, Prince Momota! I can confirm that you're having one child.” Elodie nodded with conviction, letting that sink in before she continued with the rest of her findings. “And we don’t have to worry about the embryo’s reaction to spores, because you have different circulatory systems. Aaaand I solved a mystery that none of you brought up, but Dr. Kimura mentioned.”

Elodie gestured as she spoke, proud and confident, especially since she could give the men some...well, on the whole it was good news. “She had been worried that since you could hear the heartbeat and feel the fetus’ development way ahead of schedule, that your pregnancy might be developing faster than the average. However, that’s not true! You’re just developing differently!”

“The embryo is much larger than it generally is at six weeks, but it doesn’t have any of the definition that it usually does--stuff like the beginnings of limbs and sectioned off parts of the body like the head and the length of the spinal column. It seems like your child is growing to size first before developing much beyond the necessary functions of internal organs.” 

And that was where the...maybe not-so good new came in. Elodie gave Shuuichi an apologetic look. “So...your external development is gonna be kind of flipped. I would expect you to be full-size around four months in, and then for your child’s structural development to begin once it hits that point. It’s looking like you’re going to have a full term, 40-week pregnancy, Mr. Saihara.”

Shuichi frowned at that...briefly confused. His knowledge of normal pregnancies so limited that he hadn’t thought to think about the quickness of the development...or the lack of quickness, and the… “...full sized….what does that mea-”

His eyes widened as he realized exactly what that meant a second later, and he put his arm over his eyes and groaned as he said, ”Seriously!? I have to be a damn bowling ball longer than normal too?? What????”

Kaito sighed. Shuichi’s self-esteem issues being what they were, and the sheer dysphoria he’s been fighting since this all began...well, it was okay. Just let him be upset for now. Kaito would reassure him when he was more ready to hear it later. For now he just said, “It’s okay, Shuichi...we’ll talk about that later too, okay? You’re okay...but! One kid! That’s good to know! And how does that heart sound, doc? My baby as strong as I think they are? Because that heart-beat seemed healthy and strong to me...right?”

Kokichi grimaced at Shuuichi’s outburst, giving his hand another squeeze. He’d seen pregnant people out and about, living their lives, but...he’d also heard about some people having difficulties and...basically being on bedrest for the last few weeks of their pregnancies. That was something Kokichi would never wish on anyone, and if Shuuichi ended up being someone who had problems and needed the bedrest? Was...he just going to be stuck with it for months?!

He massaged Shuuichi’s hand. It was all he could do. Along with nodding with Kaito’s guess about their kid’s heartbeat. 

“Hoo yeah, big guy!” Elodie chirped. “Paired with the bloodwork Dr. Kimura did, and what I can tell from this external examination, your baby is healthy as fuck. Granted, there’s not much to test, but their heartbeat doesn’t indicate any issues, they’re not twisted in any concerning way, and the blood flow, but Shuuichi’s around the placenta and your child’s within it, are well within the bounds of normal, not showing any signs of either high or low blood pressure, clotting, or anemia.”

Giving a slightly more sympathetic look to Kokichi, she mentioned, “Seiko said that was something you were concerned about. It’s standard to check for all those things, but I’m diligent. So far, it’s looking like Mr. Saihara’s child doesn’t have any of the complications you have, Prince Ouma--for now, rest easy.”

“Thank you...that’s…” Kokichi let out a relieved breath, being selfish and bringing Shuuichi’s hand to his own chest. “...that’s really good to hear.”

Kaito felt his own wave of relief at all that, but tried not to let it show. His loves needed him to be the one who was convinced it was all going to work out regardless...so seeing him sag in relief that their kid wasn’t yet facing any serious health risks wasn’t the goal right now. Instead, he just nodded confidently, saying, “Of course Baby Shuichi’s coming out healthy! He’s got three very strong daddies. He comes from good stock.” Kaito praised, leaning down to kiss at Shuichi’s stomach, who just groaned.

Shuichi was also glad to hear the baby was doing well. Of course he was. He was just still trying to get his head around being fully, belly-busting, waddling pregnant in just four months...and then staying that way for another...five????

Auuuuuuughhhh…..

Realizing Shuichi had entirely mentally checked out by this point, Kaito just turned to the doctor and bowed his head, “Thanks, Dr. Tenchi. So...anything else? Or can I uh…” Kaito looked down at Shuichi, “Take my guys home and help them process all this?” Kaito asked, looking over at Kokichi as well, noting how relieved his husband looked, leaning down to kiss him on his head reassuringly.

Taking another bow herself, Elodie shook her head. “That’s all we had planned for today, unless there are any questions you wanna rapid fire right now. And like I said, you can ask Dr. Kimura and me things anytime--just might be a hot minute before we’re able to get back to you. If there’s nothing else, you’re all free to go.”

Giving the family a softer smile, even with Mr. Saihara’s head far in the clouds and Prince Ouma looking like he was going to start crying from relief, Elodie still said her piece. “And, I know it’s a strange circumstance, but congratulations. It might’ve been a surprise, but, call it a hunch, I have a feeling it’s a nice surprise for you bunch. I’ll see you in three weeks.”

Breaking through his daze, Kokichi gave the doctor a nod and a wide, sincere smile. “Thank you, Dr. Tenchi. Have a good day.”

-

As Maki, essentially, dropped them off at their room, going to spend some time with Tim, who she wanted to sit down with and discuss the ‘guardsman’ situation more at length with, Kaito closed the door behind them and sighed. “Man,” he said, sitting down at the desk while Shuichi ‘Flumped’ onto the bed. “I am glad me and you didn’t go there alone while I was drunk.”

“No kidding.” Shuichi muttered. Still kinda pissed about that but, like...not really. “Nnnnngh.”

Kokichi took a moment to take off his mask and lay it back in their closet before scuttling over to the bed, scrambling up on it to be near Shuuichi. But...not like, near, near. Close, but not suffocating him with Kokichi’s inability to keep himself from latching onto one of his friends at every moment. 

But, wow...he was just...so relieved. Kokichi looked over at Shuuichi tenderly, though he grimaced a bit over the reasons they had needed to reschedule. “Yeah...I think I might’ve actually straight up fainted if I went while I was sick. I thought I came close even now.”

Sure, there were a lot of unknowns and even some of the knowns weren’t exactly something to throw a party over but… Kokichi hadn’t endangered both his boyfriend’s and maybe child’s lives by just...being him. Seiko had said it was unlikely, but hearing that there were no complications from someone who had studied natal care to the point of expertise…

Shuuichi’s kid would be healthy… Above everything else they were worried about, maybe selfishly, that’s what Kokichi wanted for their kid more than anything.

“Oh, I know, right? Man, she did, uh, not hold back on some of the imagery…” Kaito chuckled, taking off his coat and putting it on the back of his chair, looking himself over in the mirror as he said, “And, I’m real proud of both of you today! Like...Kokichi, I know you were starting to get pale there a few times, but you held it together and were a rock through the whole thing! And Shuichi-”

“Don’t. I know I acted like an idiot.”

“You did not! When did you act like an idiot?” Kaito demanded, looking over at their blue-haired love, who was staring pathetically up at the ceiling. “You kept your cool and asked all of your questions and did really well during the exam! I was very proud!”

“I got all...in my head again.”

“So?”

Maybe that was loaded, but… “That’s a pretty normal thing for anyone? To do in a stressful situation?”

Kokichi smiled over at Kaito, thankful for the praise sent his way, but more focused on Shuuichi at the moment. Scooting over, Kokichi laid on his stomach just to the side of Shuuichi, peeking over into his view. “It’s like I said before--anyone and everyone would be worried in this situation. There’s something to...like, not going into hysterics, and I know that’s something that I need to work on, but...remaining composed to the point of not reacting at all? Either you have a really good mask that lets you freak out later, or you’re kind of creepy and...not really invested.”

Kokichi bopped over to lay a kiss on Shuuichi’s forehead, swerving under to avoid his hat. “You were fine.”

“...yeah?”

“Yeah! Well, mostly yeah. 98% yeah!” Kaito said cheerfully, looking over the door thoughtfully.

“...98% yeah?” Shuichi said, confused...before getting increasingly confused as Kaito all of the sudden took the new vanity desk and, with a small puff of breath, pulled it in front of the door. “Kaito??”

“Relax. I’m just locking the door. Really need to get, like...an actual lock put on this thing. I keep saying I’m going to do it and just haven't yet.” Kaito sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, before heading to the shopping bag they had brought home.

Shuichi, who was suddenly urgently wondering if Kaito had been taking his medicine lately, asked, “Why are you...locking the door?”

“Sooooo`~ no one can walk in on you doing this!” Kaito said cheerfully, pulling out the breast bump.

Shuichi felt his heart plummet into his stomach, giving his perpetually cheerful boyfriend a desperately befuddled look. “...what????”

For a brief, crazed moment, Kokichi thought Kaito was going to smash this desk to pieces too. 

The last time...he’d been too worried and angry and guilty over Kaito’s mental state, and what Nao had told them, and relieved that Nao was alive… All those things were far more important than any material thing. And then there had just been so much constantly going on that he just...didn’t think about it. 

It wasn’t worth bringing up anymore but...he was a little upset over what had happened to his old desk. Something he’d had since he was a little kid, that he’d hidden candy in almost just as long, had stubbornly resisted Denji dressing him up in front of so many times… It was inconsequential compared to everything else but...that desk did hold a fair amount of memories for him. The one Maki bought was nice and did the trick just fine...but it was different enough that Kokichi still found his muscle memory tripping him up every now and then. 

...it didn’t really matter. 

And Kaito wasn’t crazed with grief at this moment so...it was just a second of doubt. 

But what he was doing was…

Kokichi sent a worried look over to Shuuichi. Maybe...they should take more baby steps with this. Giving Shuuichi a gentle smile, he offered, “...you did say you were leaking. Maybe taking away some of the pressure would be good for you, Shuu-chan. If you’re nervous, Kai-chan and I can go wait in the bathroom.”

“No, what? I...I-I don’t need to do that yet at all, right? I mean...i-it’s been fine this long…”

“How long?” Kaito asked cheerfully, looking over the pump curiously. It seemed simple enough to use. Just...push and squeeze? Hmmmm.

“I, I...uh…”

“Because you’ve been hiding your chest away for a really, really long time now. But you haven't been pregnant that long. And the doctor said if you left it alone for a few weeks, you’d eventually stop producing, right? So...how long has it been since you started?” Kaito asked, looking up from the breast pump...and let his face fall a little, seeing the stress on Shuichi’s face at the question. “Shuichi, man, please...I’m not trying to scare you or make you feel shitty or anything. But I got the sense that when the breastfeeding stuff came up, that’s when you, like...stopped talking. And if you’re holding back for the doctors appointments because you’re embarrassed or don’t want to think about it….that’s a line, handsome. That’s something I can’t just let you do.”

Kokichi raised an eyebrow but kept quiet--if Kaito was pressing this hard, them both grilling Shuuichi would only make their boyfriend retreat. But...if he was already leaking, then...how was that ‘fine this long’? The purpose of the pump was to take the excess milk out to relieve pressure--less milk, less pressure, no leaking. At least...that’s how he thought it worked. 

Thinking back to an old conversation, Kokichi looked back over at shuuichi with a gentle expression. “We’re not gonna think you’re weird or any of that other mean, super untrue stuff you say sometimes, Shuu-chan. We know that you’re uncomfortable with your chest, and for just...like, aesthetics? That’s your choice through and through. But if there’s something going on that’s hurting you or could impact your health? You don’t have to tell us, but we have to be able to trust that you’re going to take care of your health. Otherwise, it does become our business as people who love you.”

“...I do hope you could trust enough to tell us anything, though. Or even just Kai-chan, if I’m making you uncomfortable. We’re never gonna think less of you, especially if you choose to confide in us about something difficult.”

Shuichi sat up, squirming uncomfortably, feeling guilty as Kokichi suggested that Shuichi was just trying to hold back Kokichi was around, as he said, quickly, “No, no, that’s...I...I trust both of you. I’m not trying to hide things. I just...it didn’t seem worth bringing up…”

“Maybe it wasn’t! Who knows? I’m not a doctor or anything like that. But…” Kaito sighed, taking the breast pump and going to sit with the other two on the bed, giving Shuichi a hard look, “Someone who was a doctor was there, and was saying stuff that...look, Shuichi, if I’m wrong? Tell me now so I can stop embarrassing myself sounding like I know I’m talking about. But she was saying stuff that just...wasn’t true to your situation. Wasn’t she.”

“...m...maybe a little….”

“And you didn’t correct her?”

“.....I don’t want to be weir-”

“Kokichi just said that you aren’t. No one thinks you are. You’re going through some unusual circumstances! But you’re not….augh!” Kaito huffed, running a hand over his face, feeling his blood start to boil. “God, sorry, give me a second...I’m not mad at you. I’m just...mad at those stupid fucking thoughts you keep having...”

...if Dr. Tenchi had assumed something that wasn’t true… It could be nothing, or analogous to the advice she gave but...it could also be something completely different that...might actually put Shuuichi in harm’s way. And that was enough to ask for some real answers. 

...if they could just convince Shuuichi to give them. 

Kokichi sighed softly before offering Shuuichi another gentle look. “Hey Shuu-chan...am I useless, or a burden, or actively making things worse just from being alive?”

Shuichi’s eyes widened, for a second, stunned by the question...before his brows furrowed in concern. “No, Kokichi. Never.”

He was trying to make a point, but...Kokichi couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled out of him. “I do appreciate you saying that, but I’m not just fishing for compliments here.”

“You looked surprised,” he said, gesturing vaguely to Shuuichi’s face, “to hear that, to think that that was even a concept that existed--or maybe something less melodramatic than that, but still. But...that’s stuff that I’m thinking all the time to myself.” His kind smile dimmed a bit, tightening in self-directed frustration. “It just...seems like some sort of ultimate truth, even though I don’t believe something like that exists. And Kai-chan’s gotten mad at those thoughts too.”

He leaned over to Kaito, giving his leg an affectionate rub. “I really appreciate it. But...no matter how mad Kai-chan gets at those lies, or how many times he or anyone else tells me otherwise...I think there just might be a part of me that will never stop believing it. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to be sad all the time, but it means that that mean part of my brain will latch onto anything it can to have some sort of bullshit ‘proof’ to make me hate myself.”

“But even though sometimes the rest of me believes it...most the time I can remember that it’s just mean lies. I think that’s what Shuu-chan’s brain is doing too, whenever he worries that he’s being...like, weird or unreasonable. It’s a mean little part of his brain looking for anything to make you feel bad, but it’s not true.”

Shuichi uneasily listened to Kokichi...before quietly nodding his head. “Yeah...I know. Or, I knew. I thought I had...a better grasp of handling it when my anxiety stuff got overwhelming. You know before I got here, I hadn’t had a legitimate panic attack in two years? I really thought I had figured it out, and then…”

Shuichi shrugged. 

And then everything, he didn’t say.

“And...it’s easy to think, especially since I had gone so long genuinely feeling better, in control, that because I’ve relapsed that maybe...that m-maybe this is it? Th-that I don’t have it in me to try again...th-that it was so hard the first time and it’s just... I miss feeling better...and like, did I ever really feel better? Maybe it was just me lying to myself the whole time. What does better even feel like…”

Kaito sighed, rubbing the back of Shuichi’s neck a little as he said, “You were doing better, bud. I was there. It might be hard to see right now, but trust me. You were happier. You were doing really well...and you can get back to that. But...dude, you did a lot of things to get yourself past stuff in Luminary. It was hard work. I watched you work on it every day...listened to you talk it out to yourself almost every day for a few months there. Remember those all night walks? That was almost every night for a few months there Shuichi...but you really were making a lot of progress in that time. At least, it seemed like that to me. I know the problems are different, now, but...it’s going to take that again, man...I’m sorry...”

“Yeah, I know...I just don’t even know where to begin this time…”

“Wellll, I know I’m biased...but talking out your fears to your worried boyfriends who love you seems like a start to me?” Kaito said, reaching over and squeezing Kokichi’s knee a little in return as he said, “Especially when one of them literally knows exactly what you’re going through. At least in the shitty thoughts department. And the other one...well, you know...there’s nothing you can say about yourself that would make me less devoted to you, Shuichi. I...I hope I’ve proved that by this point in our lives...”

Shuichi hesitated...before nodding a little. “...yeah.”

“Like I said...there’s a lot going on. For all of us, no one should expect us to just...be okay.” Kokichi sighed, not wanting to have another, ‘man, everything is awful’, talk but...there had been a lot of changes and a lot of crises. Not being calm and collected the whole time was not an indication of something being wrong with them. It was just...unfortunately normal. 

Scooting a little closer, Kokichi reached out to take one of Shuuichi’s hands in his own. “We’re here for you, Shuu-chan, and even if she’s not here-here, Maki-chan is too. You have a lot of people in your corner who want to help you out and see you succeed so...whatever’s going on? Even if it’s not okay just as it is, we’ll work together and figure out a way to make it okay.”

There was...something of a pressing question in Kokichi’s mind, and after a pause, he looked back up at Shuuichi, a little crease between his brows showing his worry. “...is your chest hurting?”

“It doesn’t...I mean…”

Shuichi sighed. Squeezing Kokichi’s hand. 

“...it’s less that it hurts, and more just that my...breasts...are sore enough and sensitive enough that I’m kinda always aware of them. My clothes brushing against them and stuff? And, yeah, sometimes the soreness gets...a little bad. That’s usually when they start to, uh, to leak, when the soreness gets bad. They don’t always leak for a long time, but sometimes I’ve had to change my shirts or hide in the bathroom for awhile till they, ya know, stop...I’m sorry I haven't said anything before. I was really...embarrassed and...for a while I thought m-maybe it would stop on it’s own if I didn’t do anything to it? But, you’re right, Kaito.”

Shuichi sighed again, rubbing his thumb along Kokichi’s hand as he admitted, “...this has been going since Nao. Way before I got pregnant. And...I’ve uh…” Shuichi blushed scarlet, “...I’ve tasted it. It doesn’t taste like milk. It’s, uh...it’s almost like honey in taste..”

“Oh! That would explain the way you taste when we kiss you! Because I’ve watched you, dude, and you do not eat enough honey to always taste like that.” Kaito realized, putting together a mystery no one cared about but had been bugging him.

Kokichi did frown a little, but not because he was weirded out or anything--he was just sympathetic to hearing how uncomfortable and irritated Shuuichi had been for...since Nao? Over a month at this point. Maybe somewhere like two now… Shuuichi had been dealing with it on his own for so long…

Like always, though, Kaito was there to pull them out of the muck a little. “Mm, yeah, you do taste like honey. Maybe...that’s what stuff from your body just tastes like now?” Kokichi tapped his lips idly. “But...I don’t know if that’s necessarily from the pollen. Because I haven’t gotten sick and we’ve...uh…”

Kokichi’s cheeks went a deep pink, his mind catching up with his words. They were all together, but...it was still a little embarrassing to talk about how many times he and Shuuichi’d swapped spit. “Uh. Yeah.”

A huff of a sigh. “At the very very least, I think you should bring that up at your next appointment, if not go ask Dr. Tenchi or Seiko sooner.” Kokichi’s mouth pulled to the side, knowing that this was probably going into dangerous territory, but… “Is there anything that eases the soreness? Like...we could get a heating pad or something and see if that helps.”

“Um...I haven't really tried anything? I always just kinda wait for it to st-”

“Kokichi! Does his cum taste like honey!??? Did you get any of it in your mouth!???”

The pink deepened to red. “NO! I-I kept my mouth shut! I don’t know what his cum tastes like, and I really shouldn’t find out if you cumming in me is enough to make me sick--I-I just meant that we’ve kissed!”

“Shuichi! I have to know!” Kaito said enthusiastically, reaching over to push over an increasingly flustered and baffled Shuichi onto his back as Kaito looked down at him, eyes practically sparkling, “If I were to eat your cum, would it taste like honey!? Because that’s amazing. That would literally be my favorite snack from now on!”

“Kaito! I-I’m not a snack!”

“You are absolutely a snack. I feel like that's a compliment, from now on. Meaning sexy and that I want to eat. Trust me, it’ll catch on, that’s a winner right there.”

“K-Kokichi! Help!”

Kaito sighed happily, feeling his fingers up Shuichi’s stomach a little as he kissed at his ribcage through his shirt, saying dreamily, “I wanna taste every piece of Shuichi...see if all of him tastes like honey...come on handsome, please? I’ve been wanting to taste your chest for months too…”

Kokichi groaned, rubbing his cheeks. It was a little ridiculous sometimes, the vast difference in how comfortable each of them were with sex. “I thought you didn’t have a sweet tooth, Kai-chan…”

Sighing, Kokichi wriggled himself beside Shuuichi, putting himself in a position to get between him and Kaito if need be. It wasn’t as if he were wholly opposed to getting handsy, but he wasn’t exactly in the mood either. There was something a little more important going on that kept his focus. 

However...there might be a way for it all to work out. 

“Shuu-chan...if you say no, then that’s the end of it--I won’t ask again, and Kai-chan won’t push either, okay?” Kokichi sent a meaningful glance to his husband before refocusing on Shuuichi. “Even if it’s not breastmilk...your chest might still be sore and sensitive from making whatever it’s making. Maybe a massage would help? Again, if you say no, then that’s the word.”

A massage? Uh…

Shuichi looked nervously back and forth between Kokichi and Kaito. Kokichi looking patient and understanding, Kaito literally practically vibrating with excitement. He kinda wanted to run, but...it was also kind of hard to not feel a little...silly. About how badly he wanted to run. Like, he was nervous, sure, but...it felt foolish to be nervous in this environment. Surrounded by people who loved him and either thought this wasn’t that big a deal, or was just....waaaaaaaaaaaaay into it.

“...if y-you guys think massaging them might...help? Um...but it can’t become a sex thing.” Shuichi insisted, looking over at Kaito, “I can’t handle that right now, okay? I really can’t.”

Kaito just grinned, nodding his head as he said gently, though still brimming with excitement, “No sex stuff, I promise. I can test the cum/honey theory next time. It’ll be something to look forward to! But, Shuichi...I’d really be happy if you’d let me touch you there. I love every part of you. I’d really love to be able to show that in the best way I know, ya know?”

“And! If it becomes too much? We stop.” Kaito promised, looking over at Kokichi too as he said this. “I won’t push, okay? I know I’ve been pushy today, but...we can’t be hiding things from the doctors, not about this. That’s the only reason I pushed. Everything else is just me...wanting to make you guys a little more used to your bodies, I guess. Maybe that’s not my business, but...I don’t know. If the only opinion on your bodies either of you get is your own and mine? I know you guys are giving yourselves a hard time on the subject, being mean to yourselves. I just…”

Kaito laughed, rubbing the back of his neck, “...want the chance to get my voice in there too. And tell you how amazing you both are.”

Kokichi nodded as well, quietly just...incredibly proud of Shuuichi for considering this as an option. Before, he’d conceded to taking his shirt off, but wasn’t comfortable with them seeing his chest at all. To allow them to touch his chest was an amazing leap, and Kokichi was really proud of his boyfriend. 

Still wanting to show that pride in a small way, Kokichi leaned up to place a quick kiss to Shuuichi’s cheek before turning to Kaito, giving him a small, melancholic, yet appreciative smile. “Kai-chan is very good with compliments. At least to me, you make the good days brighter and the bad days a little less bad--for that, I don’t mind you being pushy.” And now a kiss for Kaito. 

Scooting out of their little log, Kokichi looked around their bed. “Alright, how do you wanna do this? Like...if Shuu-chan should lie down on his back, or sit in Kai-chan’s lap or… Should I get the massage oil from the bathroom?”

Kaito glanced over at Shuichi and saw the immediate look of anxiety come over his face as he heard the options, and realized this was a decision with a time limit. If they left this too long, Shuichi would talk himself out of it. They had to be quick. 

So, he reached out for Shuichi and gently pulled him against himself as he said brightly to Kokichi, “The oil is a great idea, babe! Let’s grab it now, okay? Have it by the time we get this shirt off of Shuichi.” Kaito said, wrapping his arm around Shuichi stomach and kissing at his cheek as he said encouragingly to Shuichi, “You want to take it off yourself right? You can take your time, but it’s like ripping off a band-aid handsome. We’re not having sex, you’re not keeping up a mood. You can just take it off now, kay…?”

“U-um-”

“You want me to take mine off first? So you’re not the only one?”

“Uh...y-yeah that could hel-”

“I’ll make a deal with you. If I take my shirt off, you take it off at the same time. You match my pace. Okay?”

Kokichi snorted softly as he left to get the oil. Kaito could strip in an instant. Maybe he’d slow it down a little, but he doubted it’d be much. 

Honestly...he wasn’t sure how much the oil would help. Shuuichi had pecs, obviously, and just by being oil it’d reduce Kaito’s hands--Kokichi wouldn’t mind helping out, but at least for the start, he figured it’d be a little too much for Shuuichi for multiple people having their hands on his chest at once--from catching uncomfortably but… If what he was thinking was right, then it wasn’t so much of a muscle ache issue. But it wouldn’t hurt. 

Before he left the bathroom, Kokichi paused and looked at himself in the mirror. Well...if they were going to make a thing out of it…

When Kokichi returned to the bed, bottle in hand, he was shirtless too.

“U-u-um, okay , so we’re doing it at the same ti-”

“Get your hands off your buttons, we’re not bothering to unbutton. Just a good ol’fashion up and over, squeeze your head through the collar. Again, it’s not sexy time! We’re just getting our shirts off, man. Let’s get it done before ‘Kichi gets back.”

“Ok...okay-”

“Just watch me. Just follow my movement. It’s not a big deal. I’m very proud of you. Annnd-”

Shuichi only hesitated a second when Kaito pulled his shirt off over his head, before in a bid to keep up, he did the same thing. He struggled more to get out of his own clothes, his jacket not made to do that, and he heard Kaito chuckle while in the dark of the fabric as a second pair of hands grabbed the ends of his shirt, helping him pull the last bit past his chin. 

When he was free of his clothes, he was greeted with the familiar sight of Kaito without his shirt, and the slightly less familiar sight of Kokichi walking out of the bathroom without his, his own pale skin glistening in the fading light coming in through the windows. Though Shuichi was officially ‘out of his shirt’, he still clutched the fabric defensibly to himself, to which Kaito just chuckled, pulling Shuichi back into his lap and nuzzling him against his skin as he lavished kisses freely onto Shuichi’s shoulder. “Mmmmm...there’s some of the pieces of Shuichi I’ve been missing...you have some strong shoulders, Shuichi...hey, ‘Kichi, you’re looking delicious! Thanks babe.” Kaito said cheerfully, reaching a hand out to let Kokichi pour some of the oil onto it.

“I-It’s not gonna t-turn sexy, Kaito…”

“I know. I just wanna kiss your shoulders a little, Shuichi. And pay my husband a compliment. No sexiness, I promise. You don’t need the shirt, Shuichi, just toss them off the bed.”

Shuichi hesitated, looking more strongly like he wanted to call this whole thing off...before huffing in exasperation and closing his eyes, literally throwing the clothes on the floor in irritation as he said, “Fine. Happy now?”

Kokichi laughed a little at Kaito’s totally not flirty-sexy and totally average compliment, happy to see that Shuuichi really was willing to do this. Once he’d passed off the massage oil and set the bottle down for easy use later, he picked up Shuuichi’s shirt and jacket, simply folding them in half and laying them over the edge of the bed frame. 

“I’ll be happiest when Shuu-chan’s not in any pain,” Kokichi decided, hopping back up on the bed and sitting in front and slightly to the side of his lovers, reaching out for Shuuichi’s hand. “And Shuu-chan does have some sturdy-looking shoulders, I can see why Kai-chan loves them.”

Trying to keep Shuuichi’s attention--trying out a page from Kaito’s book--Kokichi sighed, looking over at their fireplace, a comfy fire already up and going. “So, Kai-chan and I were talking about keeping the fire in our room going most of the time unless we know we’re headed out for a long time. It’s not like icicles are gonna start forming on the ceiling if it’s out, but it can get kinda chilly. There’s something nice about coming back to a cozy room, especially after a full day and we’re not really feelin’ like doing much. Of course, we should only move the grate to add logs, but if you put, like, robes and slippers folded up in front of it, it can make peekin’ out at night a lot comfier.”

Shuichi’s eyes followed Kokichi’s, looking over at the fire, focusing on what Kokichi was saying even as his body started to shiver.  “S-s-slippers in front o-of the f-fire? Th-that s-sounds really-ah! Nnnnnn…”

“It’s okay. Finish your thought, Shuichi.” Kaito murmured quietly, as he very determinedly didn’t think sexy thoughts. Shuichi needed him to treat this in a certain way, right now. So, warming his hands up by rubbing the oil between them, as excited as he was to finally do this, he kept himself calm and nonchalant as he ran his palm and fingers up and down the slight A-cups of Shuichi’s chest and...he frowned. Yeah, these were swollen...they were almost...hard? Irregular in their bumpiness in a way that Kaito, as someone who had felt up quite a few breasts in his day, recognized as unusual.

As Kaito carefully started working at the breasts, Shuichi forced himself to focus on Kokichi as he stammered out, “I-it sounds nice, I mean...the colds alright, I d-don’t mind it all that much, b-but we’re really n-n-not, erm...n-not used to it….I mean…the t-temperature r-r-right now is kinda-our-winter, Kaito don’t...”

“Lighten up on your nipples?”

Shuichi quickly nodded, face beet red.

Kokichi stroked the side of Shuuichi’s hand, trying to be comforting and distracting. As much as he could be, anyway. For Shuuichi’s sake, Kokichi wasn’t, like, staring at his chest or anything, had barely given it a passing glance but even from that, and noting how gently Kaito was moving… It was like when Kaito worked to loosen their knots--it kind of hurt in a way that made you want to tense up and squirm, but once you got through it, the relief was a godsend. 

So he just gave Shuuichi a grin and a light laugh. “Right now is your winter? Aw geez, I knew you weren’t prepared but… From what I’ve heard about Luminary summers I think I’ll happily keep Dicean ones, but having a whole winter that’s just like this sounds kinda nice. Though...I think I’d miss snow and the feeling of curling up somewhere cozy and warm and drinking hot cocoa while it’s a damn snowstorm outside. That’s something I’m excited to share with you guys this year, at least.”

“Oh!” He perked up, something coming to mind naturally and not just to distract Shuuichi, though he kept up tracing the older boy’s knuckles, almost giving him a hand massage in his own right if not for how light Kokichi’s touch was. “Have you guys ever had candied apples? They’re really more of a fall treat, and there’ll be, like, a million varieties at Harvest, but...I dunno. For some reason they make me think of winter a lot of the time. Is there a term for that--like...false association?”

“P-presque vu? Jamais vu...deja? U-uh….none of those a-are right...I f-f-feel like there should be a something ‘vu’ that e-embodies that- oh no.”

“Shhhhhhh, no, no, it’s okay. That’s a good thing. I promise.” Kaito reassured Shuichi, liquid starting to drip from Shuichi’s nipples and Kaito gently massaged the mass around them, gently coaxing more and more out as he said, “Candy apples? I don’t think we’ve had that, Shuichi, have you?”

“No, n-no, I...I ha-haven't...I haven't had candy apples. I, I,  we’re really into ice cream? At home? At Luminary. Cold things. C-cause it’s so hot all the time? We’ve made these th-things where it’s like they shaved down ice cubes and th-then they flavor them with stuff? D-do you all have that in the- Kaito-”

“Does it hurt?”

“K-kinda…”

“I’ll slow down, but we’re gonna keep going. I think you need this out of you, handsome. It’s okay. Our Kokichi is really excited about the harvest festival coming up. Why don’t you tell us more about it, ‘Kichi?” Kaito asked, noticing a sweet scent filling the air the more Shuichi spilled out onto him.

Kokichi couldn’t keep himself from glancing down in worry when Shuuichi called out and...yeah. That wasn’t milk. It was clear and...well, he didn’t know if the consistency of breastmilk was any different from cow milk, but the stuff starting to leak from Shuuichi’s nipples was thicker than cow milk, at least. And it sorta...smelled sweet? Made sense, kinda, if Shuuichi said that it tasted like honey.

...hadn’t Nao said that he dripped nectar?

But theory time was for later, and likely for the doctors to do. His job was to keep Shuuichi calm and distracted. 

“Ah, I do like ice cream, but even I have to give it up during winter. Way too cold. Flavored ice shards though...haven’t heard of that one.”

Nodding a bit, Kokichi brough Shuuichi’s hand up to give it a gentle kiss before he continued. “So, like all of our major holidays, really, Harvest is about celebrating the last big bounty of the year. People make all sorts of foods and treats to share with everyone, but there’s a lot more to it than just the food. It’s just what I end up enjoying the most, most years.”

Because he hadn’t been allowed to do much more but...it was going to be different, this year. 

“There are orchards at the edge of town, and the people there make really good cider--and I didn’t mention this before, Kai-chan, but they make hard cider too--but since it’s all the way at the edge of town, it’s kind of far from everything, right? Kai-chan said you guys have these...shoot, you called them hay rides, right? Anyway, those, in Luminary, and I don’t think it’s for the same purpose, but the carriage rentals and stables in town give free rides to people until sundown going back and forth from the castle to the orchards. I’ve had the cider before, but I’ve never been able to take the trip to get it myself--it’ll be exciting to go!”

“And in the community garden, the gardeners set up a maze, blocking off certain paths and parting certain areas through plants that you’re normally not supposed to walk on. Because of that, it’s different every year and you get to see new stuff in the garden from what you’d see on a normal day.”

“This is also the time of year when the pumpkin harvests go nuts, so we usually can buy them cheaper than normal, or, “we”, but usually arts centers, and some of the sculptors go head to head in a pumpkin carving competition, and then at night they light them up to help people get around for the night festivities.”

“Now that all sounds like a lot of fun. I think we’re all going to have a really good time doing that. I think we should try to make our own pumpkin light thing. We can put it in the castle garden...what do you think, Shuichi?” Kaito asked curiously.

He was curious because Shuichi had started squirming uncomfortably halfway through that, and there had been a brief little ‘hiccup’ in his breath that suggested maybe his boyfriend might be fighting back tears...and then, after that halfway point, he suddenly felt his body relax against Kaito. Heard his breath even out into small, relieved sighs. Could literally feel his heart beat against his hands, which had been steadily climbing that whole time...suddenly slow and stabilize.

Kaito had a feeling it wasn’t a coincidence that his hands and most of Shuichi’s chest and stomach was now covered in that clear, somewhat thick substance. Once the flow had started, Kaito barely had to put any pressure onto it to keep it coming, just gently massaging at him, making certain to keep the flow steady. And it was finally starting to thin out now, no longer coming in a steady stream…

Fuck, if Shuichi had been holding this much inside of him and his body had been needing to release it for literally months?  No wonder it had bothered and ached at Shuichi enough to make him constantly aware of it. His small breasts had been literally full to bursting and he had been just trying to ignore it.

“I...hah...I think that sounds fun, yeah...I hope the maze is challenging. I think me and Maki would have a blast, working together to work a way out of a maze...it’s so right up our alley, ya know? We could...hah...show Timothy some tricks to navigating unfamiliar close corners...hah…mmmm…”

“Still hurt?”

“...no...still sore a little, and sensitive, but...not in the same way…mmmm...” Shuichi sighed, something content in the sound, as Kaito kept massaging gently.

Kaito watched this, looking at Shuichi’s almost serene expression, and after a moment grinned at Kokichi. “...wanna try?”

Kokichi relaxed a bit himself, seeing Shuuichi so obviously soothed. It had worked… And seeing all the...nectar? Covering his chest...it was like an overfull balloon, forced to let little spurts go every now and then to avoid popping, but constantly filling. But now Kaito had coaxed all that air out and Shuuichi was no longer strained… Now that was something that made Kokichi happier than anything they’d do at the Harvest Festival. 

Smirking a little, Kokichi looked to the side. “...I snuck away one year, and...like, what better place is there to hide than in a maze? I know the garden really well, but because they change the pathing so much, it still took me a while to figure out. Granted, I was a kid, but if it’s anything like how I remember, then I think you guys could have a lot of fun in it.”

Kokichi looked up at Kaito’s offer, open to it, but… “Only if Shuu-chan’s okay with it. I know I don’t exactly compare to master masseuse Kai-chan, but I’d like to help Shuu-chan relax too.”